#it was so gay guys. like. there were 0 straight couples

[mooph]

was literally squeezing my mini blåhaj and kickling my feet during the whole watch through then proceeded to witness events that will render me unable to ever be normal again

[asofspades]

Okay, I got myself a physical copy of The Sun and The Star because I will always prefer a physical book to a digital one and also I can annotate them to my heart's content.

I've tried to not dive too deep into the critics of this book, mainly to avoid spoilers, but also to avoid entering this read with preformed ideas on why it's supposedly a bad book.

Now, I feel like I have to talk about why people may think this is a bad book, I've seen that one of the main critics is Nico and Will's relationship and, having read TOA, I have to say I have a feeling this is a mix of internalised queer phobia and preconceived ideas of what gay romances should be like (mainly, people want a plain straight romance but in a gay format).

Listen, I started TOA thinking that maybe Rick had completely erased Nico and Will's personalities and just made them GAY™ (ykwim). But what I saw instead was two characters who do happen to be traumatised teens in a world that keeps on traumatising them who so happen to be queer and be in a blossoming relationship.

Some of the critics are people saying Will is too controlling about Nico using his powers, but let's all just use our critical thinking skills for a hot minute and realise that the last time something big happened Will found Nico on the brink of death after Shadow travelling well past his limits, killing a guy after unleashing even more power he didn't have the energy for and fading into the Shadows. And let's also take into account that Will (a 14 y.o at that point) is the head medic of camp, so every injured camper is his responsibility and he's also the head counselor of his cabin, a position he acquired because every older Apollo kid died in the battle of Manhattan/labyrinth when he was 13. So we have a kid with way too much responsibility on his shoulders, who lost all of his older siblings at 13 and had to assume more responsibility who's seen his then crush now bf on the brink of death due to overusing his powers. Also, he literally let's Nico use his powers in Tower of Nero and they have contingencies for Nico passing out after shadow travelling, which probably means they actually communicated. I don't really see what's controlling about any of that, especially if you take into account that Nico has been borderline suicidal (because that kid will give up his life in an instant if it means helping the people who need it) and he, historically, has had basically 0 regard for his own wellbeing, something they basically show us he's working on.

Also, some points that I've seen discussed about their relationship are similar at some points to Percabeth's early years of relationship and I've seen no one criticising them for Percabeth, which is what makes me think some people just think queer relationships have to be sunshine and rainbows or be toxic, as if a couple, particularly of young teens with a buttload of abandonment and self worth issues, won't have arguments or ever disagree about anything.

This last point I'm bringing up is just purely speculation, but I've seen people complaining about the fact that Rick wrote this with another writer, as he said it was to make the gay aspect of the characters more accurate from someone who's queer. And I do feel that that decision might have derived from the heavy (and for me kind of undeserved) criticism of Solangelo's relationship dynamic in TOA. Also, some people might have been expecting a regular romance, and some people might have been expecting something purely action packed or something more similar to Percabeth's Tartarus section in HOO, which to that last one I have to say that comparing two people in a longer relationship who have interacted more often and have gone through basically all of their trauma since they were 12 together with another couple that's just starting out and made out of a kid who has too many responsibilities on his shoulders regarding the lives of people and a kid with a huge fear of abandonment and a history of being an outcast and not really liked due to his parentage and his powers as a whole (the boy owns it most of the time but we can't keep denying his self-worth issues just because he's a badass), plus one of them literally went through Tartarus alone before and had a very traumatic experience during and afterwards and the other literally needs sunlight to live, I feel like that would generate some conflicts.

That's all I wanted to say so far, do prepare for another rant once I'm done with TSATS, and probably another one where I do a more in depth analysis of Will and Nico's trauma throughout all of the Percy Jackson sagas and tell you how it shapes the beginning of their relationship.

[multiplicationdivision]

It Takes Two to Supersoldier

If one looked at the hundreds of stories about supersoldiers in modern media, they would find a legion of the same message, read loud and clear. The often eugenics-lite masculine Ubermensch, a fantasy born of wartime patriotism for the truly unique ideal American man.

Captain America, the hallmark of this dream. A product of American mad science that made the perfect blond and blue eyed soldier out of a patriotic god loving man. A risky procedure and then the next moment a war won.

Hasan and Mateo were somewhat alike. Mad science sure. Patriotic though?

Hardly.

They stood today as one man, sort of, where they were once two cadets. Hasan, a skinny guy with far too much brains and softness for basic training, almost the epitome of pre-transformation Steve Rogers if you ignored the raging horny gay at the heart of his brain. Exactly like that skinny Steve Rogers though if you were a fan of any fanfiction, Mateo supposed.

That part of Hasan was alive in Mateo as well now. A straight man made confidently bisexual with a couple days spent sharing the same brain as the guy.

Mateo was the guy who’d gotten them into this lab. Had his postings a little too close to confidential meetings, had been a little to close to a Hasan that had his eyes fixed on a rapid influx of disappearing cadets and appearance of identical beefcakes of men. All of them looking a little to familiar to the people who’d left, mixed and merged into something better.

Mateo wasn’t always the brightest soldier (although Hasan had helpful fixed that), but he could put on some convincing flirting to the lab techs when he needed to. He’d been more built than his good friend, but surrounded by absolute demigods, he’d found being overly confident was quite effective. Especially on nerds.

They’d had a solid idea of what they were getting into when they’d signed the required forms and NDAs. Hasan imagined Dragon Ball Z, but they weren’t privileged enough for a platonic fusion dance.

It had been gruelling, yet the memories of the night they’d merged were ecstasy. The good shit, one of the techs had said, before he’d injected the two with 2 different colored serums and presumably watched as they melted into each other.

They hadn’t even known what to do at first, sitting nude staring at each other in a padded room. They were platonic buddies at that point, so far from interest in each other. Hasan had a type that revolved mostly around much more muscular men and unfrtuneatley for Mateo, Hasan just couldn’t cut it as the thicker woman he was singularly into.

It had been three days since that night and they’d readily experimented with their new interests. That first night they’d been an indistinct man spending their isolation period on pornhub, flipping through both of their favorites and receiving a dual epitome of their expanded interests as they stroked their still defining but suitably huge cock. The 2nd night had been Mateo’s treat, their body solidified into their new body, not yet diverging as it tried to return them to being 2 men. They’d both kissed and worship that lab tech they owed, before stealing away one of Hasan’s hunky crushes on the 3rd night.

It was intoxicating, yet it paled against what the merging had felt like. All started when Hasan slumped beside Mateo, the two far too comfortable being nude by each other. The things you get used to in the army, although this time when Hasan sat beside his friend, he hadn’t expected his body to practically magnestize to hum. He hadn’t expected for a vital part in his brain that read platonic to switch to a new undefinable thing.

They’d wanted to be inside each other and just a cock hadn’t been enough. It had hit Mateo at the same time and his feeble straight masculinity was tissue paper to the wave of need. They’d gone from 0 to a 100 in that moment, before they were two figures wrestling on the floor.

It was hard to call it sex because sex could never go that far. When Mateo had kissed Hasan it wasn’t like he’d done plenty of times with a woman. Sure that need for closeness was there, but Mateo never had felt starvation like it. He’d looked into Hasan’s eyes and saw everything the man was. Every part of the guy that was different to him laid out on a platter.

He’d always wondered what it was like to be queer in the army and now he could devour it. Slam his face into Hasan and force the memories of his complicated life into his own, gently index it with his own life like he was simply filling out a library. Slot in the book on a rough childhood with his own, cross reference and decide they were similar enough to not even care about distinguishing the two.

He pumped his years of lacrosse and highschool soccer into the guy in return, watch Hasan’s eyes water with countless images of his teammates sweaty and spent after practice. Mateo would then go in again to snatch Hasan’s overwhelmed brain and feel it for himself. It was like putting on a pair of glasses, seeing all the angles of his buddies that he’d never appreciated before.

Hasan made him wish he could go back in time a fuck his coach and Mateo made sure to remind Hasan of all the many woman he could’ve fucked had Mateo’s sexuality been his own.

That completely disregarded how beyond the mental back and forth, their bodies lost stability with every motion. Every half-metaphorical bite Mateo took out of Hasan drove them closer and closer, until Mateo tried to push himself off only to realize his torso now sunk deep into Hasan’s. The little line of their slightly different skin tones blending as their flesh became liquid.

It was another alien thing that night as Mateo and Hasan’s brains saw this and seemed to only be agitated by their continued separation. Hasan had showed a side of him Mateo had never seen, the man reaching up to Mateo just to slam their skulls together with a sound sideways of the gristly gore it should’ve been. Mateo had half tried to fight it, mostly out of shock, but then Hasan had gripped one of his arms and pressed it into his own, just to use that larger indistinct limb to press themselves even closer.

With their skulls now largely one mass, the night had then become a blur of perspectives. Memories all jumbled up and nothing distinguishable besides a ravaged room and earth shaking pleasure.

Then they’d just been a nearly faceless man, shuffled into a suitably comfortable and reinforced room and shoved a mountain of clothes and supplies before they’d winked out, passed out in a gigantic bed.

They’d woken up a confused mess, full of a doubled lifetime and with skin that hadn’t settled between the traits it decided were best. They’d spent the day sorting it between rounds of naps and jacking off, divying a line between Mateo and Hasan.

It was a meaningless line even now that their bodies were diverging. Mateo was Mateo and Hasan was Hasan mostly out of a coin flip. A coin flip they’d done practically every day since they began to diverge, although the half who was Hasan and the half who was Mateo would probably settle when they had their own bodies. For now though, they both were essentially the same man, with the lexicon of both of their components in their heads. A much bigger man at that, with much more than the sum of their parts.

When their body had settled they’d studied the ways they’d mixed. They weren’t a frankenstein, more so as if the two men had a child together. Hasan’s black eyes darkening Mateo’s brown. Both of their facial hairs combining into a single much thicker beard, far from their young patchy messes. Even their hair had merged, thick and healthy strands compounded between the two. The same hairstyle though, although their whole squadron shared the same cut.

Their body was far from what they’d ever been used to. It was all merely added together, not a balance. Muscles containing the full mass and more of what they’d had before. A cock that probably had added an inch to the sum of their previous parts, laughably only barely contained by an extra tight pair of briefs. They were one of the demigods now, given clothes fit for their 7 foot something size and boots that dwarfed the ground beneath them.

Now they just waited together for the rest. Their bodies would split and then they’d be paired together for the rest of their tour. Only 4 years of service and a then they would be home free, set lose back into the population to “better it” or something. Bring their exceptionalism or other meaningless bullshit to the people.

They had 2 minds of not caring about the service of it all. They’d already gotten what they wanted. The body, the brains, a brother. It had never been about being the best, but about what was best for each other. Now they were each other and wasn’t that better than anything else.

It would be a slog, but these next few years would be put to use. Their new body (bodies) would be put to more than good use and maybe they’d put it to some military use too. Hell, maybe they’d even convince a few other brothers in arms to do the same.

They were gonna be a hell of a pair of super soldiers.

[youssefguedira]

Santamaria plays Eumeo, a pig farmer who shelters Odysseus when he shows up on the shores of Ithaca, then helps him by hiding him from his enemies, and taking him to the palace to meet his mother and Telemacus.

It's the biggest role in the film excluding Odysseus, Penelope and Atinoo, which is good for him.

Going back to CMBYN, most of the controversies where about the fact that Hammer was 30-31 when the movie was shot, way older than his character and way older than Chalamet (who was 20 at the time I think?).

Many people thought that the book and most of all the movie were borderline p€dophiliac or abusive for showing characters and actors with such an age difference in a gay relationship, which is nuts for so many reasons.

Chalamet is obviously the star in the movie, I agree with you, but the more I watched it, the more I found myself appreciating how Hammer played Oliver, his "I'm older than you so I should be wise and keep my distance but I'm starting to love you and though I am an adult I'm still only 24 so I'm mature-ish but not so much to actually be able to walk away from you before anything happens" behaviour. It was more subtle than Chalamet's performance, because that's obviously what the role required.

hammer's definitely doing a good job!! he's exactly as charismatic as he needs to be to make the role work, which is a pretty essential aspect: we need to somewhat get why elio is so into him so quickly, which only really clicked for me during the disco scene (mostly because of love my way shout out to love my way. he's bringing the right energy to his performance for sure as a more confident / settled kinda guy, which acts as a good parallel to elio's discovering of himself. sorry i just had to sit through my lecture on this film and i think you can tell.

the age gap is. it IS questionable in the context. of elio being 17. so mostly i didn't particularly find their scenes romantic i was mostly just on team i want elio to be happy and have 0 problems. the film does occasionally engage with this (oliver specifically makes an 'i hope i havent fucked you up' comment which i found super interesting) but like i said. it's gonna make some people uncomfortable. if anything i was side eyeing oliver throughout the film. and it's the sort of thing that's gonna make people uncomfortable. but the making of the movie itself.... if chalamet is 20 and hammer is like 30 that's whatever. there's age gaps like that in straight couples on screen all the time. chill the hell out. think most of the problematisation is from the elio being 17. which is very much understandable

BUT!! like i said!! it's a narrative device!! it's exploring someone's understanding of himself and how that changes!! something my prof brought up was the way oliver acts as a contrast to elio as in, again, being more self-assured and confident and seemingly knowing himself and his identity better in a lot of ways. elio starts to mirror him in a few different ways as he develops. the attraction is there from the start, but i also think it's interesting to view how the relationship is one of the forms in which elio is exploring who he is, and this comes through his interactions with an older man who is much more settled in himself. fascinating stuff! it'll ick some people out of the film entirely but thats ok. i don't think it's an inherently problematic movie. i wasn't particularly invested in the relationship beyond aforementioned being particularly invested in elio as a character have i mentioned how i just think he's neat. if it was a real actual relationship yeah i would probably be like. hm. don't like that. and there were definitely points in the film where i was going 🤨 at oliver. but its one of those things that requires slightly more nuance in its discussion imo.

anyway final note on timothee chalamet. it's mostly because i regularly forget he can act until i watch a movie with him and i go hey! this kid can act! (talking about a full grown man who is older than i am). i think you really do have to care about elio for the movie to work. and he is portrayed in just the right way to be endearing instead of annoying which is a risk. gonna watch the movie again tonight i think. thought it hadn't gotten to me but i have been chronically Thinking abt it since i watched it. so ill be doing that. right after i watch conclave 2024

[franki-lew-yo]

You know, as a bi person, I really kind of hate the aggressive pissing on hetero ships by virtue of it being hetero and not for the actual faults of the couple or characters.

Mind you; this is not the same problem as homophobes people who insist they don't hate gay stuff but have 0 gay couples and fight headcanons saying that they're gay. Those people, even if they don't know it; are homophobic. Their stubborness to face the fact that they're bigots makes them even more bigoted because bigotry does not inherently = being mean, but is about the inability to accept or think of other people. It's scary how many people earnestly think you have to shout some Westbro Baptist Church bs to be actually homophobic, and all that's before you get to internalized bigotry within the LGBTQ culture. Speaking of which...

I saw a thread where people were hating on Friendship is Magic because Pinkie Pie canonically gets with Weird Al's ponysona. --Obv I'm biased because that being made canon was the only part of the finale I liked as obviously I loved Cheese Sandwich for being his own character apart from Pinkie Pie and Weird Al-- but, BESIDES THAT; The complaint was talking about how some characters were "forced into being straight" by the writers and...really? You're incapable of headcanoning Pinkie and Cheese are bi or in an open marriage or just invalidating Pinkie now because she's the only one of the mane 6 who canonically had a kid with a stallion? Really?

There's being queer baited and wanting more gay couples that are also main characters and not off to the side cyclops police. And then there's getting mad that a character without a canonized sexuality is in a hetero relationship at least once in their life. Not even that they themselves are for sure straight, just that they're married or w the opposite sex.

Naturally, I only have women shippers to talk about. I can't quite talk for gay men or m/m shipcourse. Whenever I see lesbiansapphics be all "even canonically straight characters should be made gay"/"this ship would be fine if it were lesbians"/"this character should have gotten with this character so I can have lesbians", I do know it's all just joking. At least, I'm pretty sure. I know the reason you want more lesbians -I want more lesbians too because lesbians are great! You are right in how and what kind of scrutiny is held against you for liking women and like fiction women liking other fictional women...but...maybe don't be so judgemental of the ladies on your side who happen to like some m/f ships more than your appointed 'good' ship?

"We're not judgemental. You're the one who's judgemental for not being able to take some light rubbing abt your ship being straight."

Am I though? When you hate on a m/fships because seeing people support them in ANY WAY means you have to make fun of them just to validate your own feelings...idk pardon MY autistic arse for feeling a tad bit picked on or lumped in with the really not okay straights. Am I excluded from defending myself because I'm not the ideal lesbian? I'll never survive the sapphic hunger games if I don't have specific standards for my gay couples vs my straight ones?

I've seen people adore The Owl House for being gay because it is but absolutely hate that Willow/Hunter is implied and then be mad that Luz didn't get with Willow because "Amity is a bad girlfriend". It's not Dana's fault that Luz got with the "wrong woman", the show was written with Lumity being endgame and Hunter being an important side character because he's related to the main villain who is a man. Cope. I've seen people hate on MysteryElk because Elktaur/General has a standardly attractive' hunky design; I've seen people hate Edred from Unicorn Warriors Eternal for being an icky 'generic' guy. If you actually know the characters and the relationships in question with their lovers, you'd know that the fact that they're a man is the LEAST problematic thing they got going on! No, the men in these couples being women would not "fix" anything not just for shippers but in the actual show with the relationships. Like, you DO get that the problem is Nowhere King is the aggressor and that Edred is clingy and unsupportive, right? That those are the actual problems with these couples? And GOSH do I now hate Clone High's insistence that JFK is actually a decent person because he's not a 'pick me' like Abe. I hate that, in the wake of the internet realizing how bad tumblr sexymen nice guys really are, we apparently have to pick out the men who are "salvageable" or obsess over the problemed ones problems because they are men. Which- come to think of it, isn't that part of the issue with SnapeWife-types who stan flawed male characters like their the second coming but antagonize women characters for being flawed? Shouldn't we, idk, maybe encourage people to love characters for their flaws and not because we can 'fix' them somehow or hate them because they exemplify a person you hate irl?

Overall, the (hopefully) ironic demand for gay couples all the time like it's a supremacy is kind of irritating to me. I'm just not into living with the "this majority group are all the things wrong"-mindset, or even a "you deserve to feel the bigotry I already experience because that's cathartic for me". I know exactly why people are in pain. I know that pain because a lot of it is the same I have to go through. The reason I'm 'biting back', not at the gay community I'm in but at this specific mindset? Yeah it IS because I'm obsessed with people judging me, but I think it's because I'm self aware of this problem I have that I don't want to indulge the part of me that wants petty payback at all. When and if I like my petty payback, I want to make sure it's not at the people who might be judging me vs the people who actually, honestly are.

TL;DR: I love me some 'straights are not okay'-jokes, but there comes a point where I can not hear them when you clearly don't mean it as a joke.

No amount of active bigotry in this world will make the toxic absolutism you got as a result of that bigotry something I need to deal with as the butt of your anger. I and other bi/pan/ally people are not your stress dolls, inherently. The straights (a group) are not okay, not the straights (individuals), k?

[biipbop]

Ooooh how about the other P5 cast? Strikers and Royal included. In the Flower child au

Havent played strikers yet (I own it and will get to it soon I swear 😞)

The first time Ann hears about Akira knowing gas chamber is from Ryuji. So its no surprise that she thinks he's full of shit and Akira would 100% commit to the bit and never confirm it. Everyone else will similarly follow suit and also think Ryuji is trying really hard to convince them that not only does Akira totally know gas chambers on a personal level but tatsujun isnt just PR. Theyre married and are Akira's adopted parents. It gets to the point that Ann and Ryuji start arguing about it publically. It becomes a running joke among there classmates.

Most of their classmates are pretty ick about it (they dont really think positively of Ann Ryuji and akira as is so they joke about how the deliquent is really out here trying to convince everyone he's related to celebrities). Mishima on the other hand believed it the instant he was told:

Ryuji: *points to Akira* This guy is the love child of tatsujun from gas chamber

Mishima: *sideeying ryuji* reaaaaally?

Akira: *straight faced knowing he looks like he knows you know hes lying* yep.

It was enough for Mishima.

Futaba already knew. She found out while doing a bg check on Akira before he moved into the cafe. She also doesnt tell anyone bc she also thinks it's fucking hilarious that no one else knows.

Haru initially doesnt believe them but she once met Jun at a charity function when she was younger. He had tatsuya with him and she did get the impression that they actually were romantically together. One day she corners Akira to find out the truth but it very much goes similarly as it did with mishima (Akira confirms but is he *actually* confirming it or just messing around??) Haru is eventually able to get a crack in the facade when she tells him how he met the two before and how she thinks they might actually be together. How encouraging it was to see a queer couple who were so in love that they couldnt really hide it. Akira breaks and ends up sharing family photos with her.

If youve seen my flower child au comics theyre kinda inconsistent with how and when morgana and Akechi find out. Earlier comics had them knowing during the events of the game while my more recent comics have them finding out post game. But i think I prefer them knowing during game cause it just makes better sense for me timeline wise so....ignoreing my own comics I guess

Morgana would technically be told the same time as Ryuji except Morgana would have 0 context as to who tatsuya and jun are or even who gas chambers is. So from Morgana's perspective Ryuji thought Akira's dad (who morgana saw pictures of from when Akira was a kid) was a girl. (He will never let Ryuji forget this). Ryuji would later be talking about gas chambers with Ann and she would be the one to show morgana their music and recordings of interviews and live shows. Because theyre fully dressed like a v-kei band Morgana wont put 2 and 2 together until after he actually meets them.

Even though he would also do a background check on Akira, Akechi doesnt know that about who Akira's parents are. (Jun and tatsuya couldnt legally adopt Akira so technically Katsuya and Maya would be Akira's legal parents but everyone in sumaru knows bc Jun and Tatsuya never hid their relationship. Also all the members of Gas Chambers go by a stage name for privacy reasons)

Like Ryuji Akechi also grew up familar with Gas Chamber bc his mom was a fan (side note: I think both Ryuji and Akechi would have young moms who couldve been good friends). Akechi, gun to head, would never admit this to anyone especially not akira but Jun would be his gay awakening. Akira only finds this out after Akechi meets his parents. They dont break up over this but they get close to it. Akira would refuse to talk to his dads for a week when he finds out leaving his parents panicked bc their bby boy is big sad and might have broken up with his first bf but doesnt want their help. They stay together and all is good but lord help Akechi if he ever points out any similarities between Jun and Akira.

Yusuke has no fucking clue who Gas Chambers is. But when he meets Eikichi he will go to stalker level to get a chance to draw him. Luckily for him Eikichi finds out about the little weirdo thinking hes beautiful and is all about it. He keeps every piece Yusuke gives him and even has Yusuke's paintings in the family restaurant as well as his home.

Sorry this is rambly!

Edit: I forgot Sumire!! I'll be honest, I have no clue. I dont believe she would know who Gas Chambers is. Futaba would probably only know bc she's a gremlin and constantly online.

Sumire most likely would think Ryuji is trying to tease her and not believe him either. She would be with the squad when they go visit Akira and find out Ryuji didnt lie. Shed be glad that Futaba and Akira got the pleasure of their long con going through without failure.

Also the p2 squad will realize that the metaverse was a thing when they hear Morgana talk.

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

YASMINE. Yasmine Yasmine Yasmine.

I will write a full essay on it one day, but here is the TL;DR gist of it:

Shows 0 interest in any and all potential male love interests prior to Season 3. Even Moon is a bit flirty with boys in Season 1 (First Rory at the pool party, then Hawk at the beach party). But Yasmine??? Pre-Demetri, she never seems romantically interested in boys.

On the subject of Demetri btw. It's actually very common for closet lesbian teens to choose a harmless-seeming guy to project all their romantic interest onto. (like!!! The sheer AMOUNT of notes this post has!!! This is not a rare thing!!!) This absolutely seems to be the case with Yasmine and Demetri in Season 4, since Yasmine is very suddenly into Demetri in this over-the-top, almost hammy way that feels very performative and disingenuous. Almost like she's trying to cover something up...?

For the vast majority of the show, but especially in S1, Yasmine noticeably seems to prefer the company of girls to the company of boys. In S1, her lunch table is all girls. The boys visit them sometimes, but they don't sit together. She also very rarely hangs out with boys outside of school. At big parties (like her birthday bash and the beginning of season pool party) there are boys around, but most of the time she's hanging with either Sam and Moon or just Moon. She's friends with Kyler, but the amount of time we see them actually hanging out is pretty minimal. He seems to be her only real guy friend.

On the topic of Kyler, though! The fact that Yasmine didn't ever get with Kyler after he and Sam broke up is actually very strange to me. Think about it: What better revenge against the two-faced ex-friend who was supposedly talking shit about you than to openly date her ex??? And considering how quickly Yasmine dropped Sam and took Kyler's side, I think she had to have thrown any "girl code" reservations to the wind. And Yasmine and Kyler were at the very top of the school food chain, so like. It's only going to help both their reputations for them to be a power couple. So why weren't they??? Considering how horny Kyler is constantly, I don't think he would have been against it at all. So that means Yasmine, who definitely had it in her power to date Kyler if she wanted, actively chose not to. Not even for clout or to keep up appearances. And given the look she had on her face when Demetri was hitting on her, she definitely wasn't holding out for him. So if Yasmine actively chose not to go out with the objectively best dating option she had available, it indicates to me that she doesn't really want to go out with boys at all.

Even in later seasons, Yasmine barely interacts with boys at all. In S3, we only ever see her talk to Demetri (who is ALSO a closet gay, hilariously). In S4 and S5, she interacts with Demetri's friends sometimes, but that's IT. This is in direct contrast with Moon, who we see flirting (or at least interacting) with a football player in S3 and who has such a wide social circle of both boys and girls that she's able to throw a MASSIVE house party in S5.

She doesn't even mention Demetri in S5! It's like she drops the act of being super "in love" with him as soon as he isn't physically there. The fact that her S4 "24/7 Demetri thirsting" self is a completely different character from her S1, S3, and S5 self further indicates that it's faked to draw attention away from where her attraction really is.

Canonically Demetri and Yasmine fight so much that Yasmine's arm is now completely weighed down with make-up bracelets (which she doesn't even have on when we see her, indicating she probably only wears them around Demetri). Them being that dysfunctional behind closed doors is a pretty stark contrast to what we saw in S4, and is just more evidence Yasmine's S4 behavior was a facade. Also begs the question, if they're truly just a Normal Straight Couple...why do they stay together when they clash that much??? One of the simplest explanations is that both of them just. Do not want to lose their beard. Yasmine especially, considering her decline in popularity left her with not as many dating options, and Demetri's one of the most harmless guys she could be fake-dating.

The "I know what it's like" cast-signing scene with Yasmine and Demetri is so queer-coded. Like think about it. Two people, both of whom have an unusually close attachment with their same-sex best friend, are bonding over how hard it is to be the subject of mass ridicule. Wedgies aside, what other type of ridicule would it be easy for these two to bond over??? And considering the dick-drawing-on-cast bit, Demetri's ridicule even had some implicit homophobia! So what does Yasmine do??? She writes "I, a girl, love your huge, masculine dick!" on his cast. Almost as a way of broadcasting to the world that they're both straight. When Yas says "much better" there's a kind of unspoken "we're both in the clear now." It's such a lovely gay friendship moment and Yas and Demetri have a very underrated platonic dynamic tbh.

Yasmine's raging crush on Moon is a whole essay in of itself, but the tl;dr of it is that Yas really did not have to forgive Moon or take her back after they fell out in S1. And yet not only does she rekindle her friendship with Moon in S3, but it also seems like part of the reason she changes for the better in S3 is because of Moon's influence! As far as we know, Moon was literally the only reason Yasmine ever made an effort to stop being awful. She also is basically never apart from Moon S4 onwards. Like every time Demetri and Yasmine have a scene, Moon is also there!!! Moon gets scenes without Yasmine (e.g. the cheerleading scene in 4x06, the tournament scene with Eli) but Yasmine almost never gets scenes without Moon and/or Sam. Sus.

Also Yasmine and Moon are so absurdly catty when Sam interrupts their weed-smoking date hangout in Season 1. And we're meant to believe they boot her out of the girl gang because she talked shit and was a slut (supposedly), but from how touchy they're getting at that concert...seems like they might have gotten tired of her third-wheeling?

Yasmine interrupts Moon and Hawk's S1 makeout sesh!!! She yells "Moon cmere!" and Moon leaves!!! Then she's still sulking in a jealous huff when Demetri goes over to hit on her later!!! Then she goes over to yell at Aisha when Moon and Hawk are right there being flirty, like. Girl is so gay and jelly it's out of control. She also tries to roast the shit out of Hawk in front of Moon. "Look!!! Look how much I'm the better option!!! Let's get out of here and away from any potential competition I may have!!!"

WAIT ALSO. The way Yasmine's ridicule was also a direct result of her trying to win Moon back??? And it all happened in front of Moon and (to her thinking) lowered Moon's opinion of her??? Adds a new layer to Yasmine saying "after the front wedgie thing, I know what it's like" to Demetri later!!!

Of COURSE she knows what it's like. She knows what it's like to fall for someone who decided they liked the Cobra Kai karate gang better than you, and not be able to get through to them in the moment it mattered the most. She knows what it's like to lose your best friend and get absolutely humiliated in the process.

In any case, it REALLY seems to be Moon and Hawk's interactions that send Yasmine over the edge during that party scene and get her the angriest. Interesting.

Generally speaking, the fact that Moon, who is canonically bisexual, is Yasmine's best friend is very telling. Any queer can tell you that queer kids always manage to find each other, even before they're out!!! Most queers who keep up with their high school and/or childhood friend groups will tell you that most of them are also LGBT. Yasmine's social circle consists of a canonically queer character and two heavily queer-coded characters (Demetri and Eli). Sam and Miguel are probably straight, BUT Miguel she only really hangs out with by proxy and Sam could be either the Token Straight (every queer friend group has one lmao) or a closet bisexual. Point being that with a largely queer friend circle, Yasmine's chances of being totally cishet are...not high tbh.

OOP. Jk, that was very long and not gist-based at all. Whoops.

But by god, if this gets more people on the Lesbian Yasmine Truther boat, then it was all worth it

Btw Piper and Aisha are also lesbians but I feel like that headcanon's a bit more self-explanatory. Neither of them have ever showed an interest in boys. A boy flirted with Piper once and she glared at him the whole time. Piper has also dated one girl and hit on another. She has hit on 0 boys. Aisha has also hit on 0 boys, and was kinda flirty with both Sam and Tory. Sue me.

What fictional character are you completely convinced is a lesbian and nothing anyone can say will change your mind on that and why?

I want to know because I feel like lesbian head-canons are always pushed aside in fandom.

[matan4il]

I was the anti shipper, and yes, just to be very clear, it wasn't homophobia. Yes, I am straight, and I ship both straight and queer couples. It's chemistry. But I am always more confident in straight couples because I know if the fans react, the showrunners will too. See Green Arrow. Not to use the tired catchphrase, but if either of them were women and shared the Ryan and Oliver chemistry, I have no doubt they would have changed it. You know, even if it was supposed to be Taylor and Anna or Shannon end game. That's the part that made me so annoyed.

S2 and S3 you could not go an episode that didn't have some ship worthy content. Then, in S4 and S5, it was the fact that they grew so much more emotionally intimately that they had to pull back being physically affectionate. I often see them compared to McDanno, and to me, it's like no. The difference is McDanno never pulled back or acted weird when in a relationship. They embraced the codependent/buddy cop/bro work husband of it. If anyone currently, they are more like Tim and Lucy in The Rookie.

So yes I was mostly annoyed because I felt like they wouldn't be brave enough to shift the story. I really believe that Buddie is just an important representation. All LBGTQ content is, but theirs is yes a little different when you can explore the ways you come at it, their professions, backgrounds, potential repression, mid life gay panic. And of course their adorable son!

So thanks for understanding my point so well and not assuming I was no homo, you know!!

Lovely, you have nothing to thank me for! I thought your ask was AWESOME, I understood immediately where you were coming from, and it had the exact desired effect, it filled me with joy!

And I agree with you, I’m a hopeless romantic which means even as a kid, I shipped to my heart’s content. I was incapable of watching any show without finding a couple who I loved and cheered for. And without a doubt, even though I pick up on similar chemistry and tropes when I ship opposite sex couples who aren’t together yet as when I ship same sex ones, the former will almost ALWAYS get together (or at least be acknowledged by the show in some way... for example as a one-sided love, it’s happened maybe twice, but it’s still a recognition of what the viewers see), even if they may not be endgame, but the same cannot be said for the latter. So yeah, when I ship two guys who aren’t together canonically, I walk into that with my eyes fully open. And it is frustrating sometimes because of precisely what you point out. If Buck and Eddie were an opposite sex couple and had everything they have now (not just the chemistry, but the build up and intimacy and emotional intensity, plus tropes like the shooting arc at the end of s4), we’d all know it’s just a matter of time before they got together. It wouldn’t even be a question.

I never watched Hawaii 5-0, but I did always assume that the genre dictated that McDanno would never get together, but they would def tease (I hate using this term now since it has become such a dividing term but yeah, I assumed they were queerbaiting) to get that extra slice of viewership from McDanno shippers. So I kind of... am not surprised that they preserved the same kind of dynamic without change throughout the show’s run. Because the only REAL change that they could have provided without losing the shippers is getting them together, right? And like I said, I never thought they would do that.

I don’t watch The Rookie either (listen, there is just TOO MUCH out there, I can’t keep up with everything *sobs*), but I gather Tim and Lucy have gone canon? Semi-canon? IDK, but that’s what gifsets on my dash have led me to believe. But that says it all, if Chenford are that comparable to Buddie!

And once again, fully agreed. Buddie matter so much! In terms of being able to offer us the first REAL mlm slow burn, the fact that they work in such “masculine” professions (break that stereotype even more, 911! I will give you my kidney), their age (coming to realize who they are or how to be in a same sex r/s at a later stage in life), the fact that they’re basically co-parenting (there are not enough mlm couples CHOOSING to raise kids together on our screen), all of it could make Buddie groundbreaking.

Thank you again, it’s been a delight chatting to you! As always, here’s my ask tag. xoxox

[cogumielitos]

lack of MLM representation in cartoons

So, me and my friend wanted to dress up as cartoon characters for halloween and since we're both masculine presenting people we wanted a MLM or NBLM or NBLNB couple to dress up as.

Then i realize, there's none! Absolutely 0 cutsy mlm couples in cartoons, at least at the main stream ones.

"But there's ______ couple in ______ show!!" yeah, i know that there are some, like willow's dads, clyde's dads, bow's dads... I dont really want to dress up as a dad for hallowen lol.

Im just saying that comparing with WLW couples in cartoon mlm are basicly non-existent. There's no *canon* cute couple such as: - Marceline and Bubblegum - Luz and Amity - Adora and Catra - Rubi and Safira - Luna and Sam - Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn

Im not saying "WLW get to much representation, it shouldnt be so much!!", def theres no enough sapphic rep in midia but theres aaaway less *good* mlm rep. Even out of the cartoon world, I've notice that lately almost every tv show i watched there's a female queer character and im happy every time bc its a win for the community and my queer sisters/siblings. I also notice that the fist time i actualy felt represented by a piece of midia was a couple months ago when i watched Dead End, with Barney, a trans queer guy.

I wondered why this happens and i came with 2 possibilities:

Queer women/NBLW are more active in social midia . Every gay cartoon I've watched I've found bc a edit, a fanart, a tiktok or just a post on Instagram, and idk why but most of this posts were made by this community, even if where talking about mlm couples. Its almost like these couples are wrote *for* women and fujoshis, not by queer men for queen men. (like Young Royals and Red, White and Royal Blue). So I just have this feeling that every director its like: "Okay, we need a sapphic couple, even if its in the background so the gays will talk about it on tiktok and more gays will watch it"

(dont worry, Im also the gays...)

Sapphic couples apeal to straigth men so its "okay" to put them in. This one is hard to explain, so we all know how women are sexualized in everything they do, and we all know main stream media doesnt want to lose their huge ass "white cis-het men" public. So they figured that a better away of getting our pink money and the jack-asses money, its putting wlw couples so that men can sexualize them, rather then mlm couples, that those men are usually disgusted by.

I know this take its really disgusting but we all know that straight men sexualize queer women. And before anyone says smt, i know that queer women suffer homophobia and some man also say that "wlw couples disguste them", but like i said, we all know that straigth men sexualize queer women. And y'all cant possibily think that big companies like netflix and disney actualy care about queer issues, at a point they would rather not receive money from homophobes just to give us good rep.

Idk, i may be talking shit, let me know what you think final thougths: WE WANT CUTE MLM COUPLES TOO

[eleanorskys]

Ranking the Fear Street Killers Based on How Likely I Would Win Against Them in a Fist Fight

1. Billy Barker - 10/10

He’s like...8? 10? 12, if you’re pushing it. And he probably doesn’t have a lot of strength to boot. Get that bat away from him and he’d have pretty much nothing, so he’d be easy to fight (even though I wouldn’t voluntarily fight him, Billy’s baby)

2. Ryan Torres - 8/10

He may look super scary and all that, but underneath the mask, he looks like this.

He’s a scrawny, probably nerdy teenage boy. He has never fought anyone in his life. He’ll put up a bit of a fight, but I could beat his ass.

3. Ruby Lane - 6/10

Two sapphics in a Denny’s parking lot at 5 am, who will win?

I’m gonna be honest, Ruby’s not weak. She’s not Tommy, but she has some strength in her.

But I do think I could have a good chance at winning in a fight against her. I would put her lower but she’s really pretty and I’m gay. If she got me on the ground like she did Simon, I would literally die.

4. Cyrus Miller - 5.5/10

He was a pastor in the 1660s. He likely never had to do any heavy lifting or manual labor like other men in Union (since many careers in that time were things like farming or blacksmithing). He’s probably not really strong.

He could fight a little bit, but other than that, I would have a fair chance at beating him.

5. Harry Rooker : 4.5/10

Again, he’s not Tommy, but he does have some strength. He’s able to fling adult!Ziggy to the ground pretty easily, and I’m a good bit smaller than Gillian Jacobs.

Also, I think I might pass out if he did something creepy.

HOWEVER, I am not completely fucked - there’s only one person on here where I am. He’s a little shorter than my dad (my dad’s 6’1”) and I’ve been able to fight my dad pretty well, so I think I could have a chance.

6. Tommy Slater - 3.5/10

If he was not possessed, I feel like he would go easy on me. He’s not the guy to get into fights in the first place, but I get “strong baseball pitcher” vibes from him. He’s strong, I’m sure.

But if he’s possessed, I would be almost screwed. He’s stronger possessed than he is when he’s not, so I feel like I would have a real hard time winning in a fight against him.

7. Isaac Milton - 0/10

I said there was one person on this list who I was completely fucked against. It’s Isaac.

Let’s get a couple things straight.

1. This man has no weapon except his bare hands.

2. He can easily throw grown men like sacks of grapes.

3. He is 6’10”. That makes him two feet taller than me, not to mention he has over a hundred pounds of what I assume is mostly muscle on me.

I would not be able to win in a fight against this man. I wouldn’t even want to get in a fight with him because he honestly scares me a bit. He could realistically rip me apart.

[hakasims]

The Most Important Review of Every Single Luca Marinelli Film

Listen, I’m not here to tell you if a movie’s plot is well-structured or whatever, ok? I’m here for objective, factual data on how Luca Marinelli’s brand is adhered to in every movie he’s been in so far.

(all gifs by @weardes​)

La solitudine dei numeri primi (2010)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No. His life is hard enough as it is.

Is Luca naked? He’s wearing speedos in one scene, but he’s covered in s*lf-h*rm marks, it’s very sad and not sexy at all.

Is Luca gay? Hell if I know.

Is Luca a slut? He talks to like two people in the whole movie.

Lucameter: 2/100 pathetic (but like I get it it’s his first movie w/e)

L'ultimo terrestre (2011)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? No, but Roberta is a captivating dancer.

Does Luca eat? No, though she takes a shot once.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, but not in a fun way :(

Is Luca naked? No, but there are some thighs and belly with a mini skirt in between. No complaints.

Is Luca gay? Not enough data.

Is Luca a slut? No.

Lucameter: 1/100 horrible, Roberta deserved better

Waves (2011)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? Yes, drunkenly!

Does Luca eat? They just won’t let him put food into his mouth! Watching Gabriele trying and failing to eat is Hitchcock-level suspense, though it all comes to a very satisfying conclusion when the camera isn’t focusing on him for a second, and he friggin’ inhales the food off the table.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets pushed around a lot.

Is Luca naked? No, but he does take off his shirt a couple of times. Also his legs are like completely hairless?? Has anyone ever noticed that? They shaved his legs!

Is Luca gay? No proof that he is, no proof that he isn’t.

Is Luca a slut? No, he is the sweetest purest cinnamon roll.

Lucameter: 37/100 it’s getting better

Nina (2011)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No, but he plays the cello and dances.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? No, though even if he was, you wouldn’t be able to enjoy it because he never gets any close-ups or decent lighting.

Is Luca gay? He’s shown to be into ladies.

Is Luca a slut? Please, he’s barely even a character.

Lucameter: 0/100 unwatchable

Tutti i santi giorni (2012)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Yes, and he cooks!

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, lightly, in a patronizing way.

Is Luca naked? Oh yes.

Is Luca gay? He’s religiously devoted to his lady love.

Is Luca a slut? Not so much a slut as a hella thirsty bitch.

Lucameter: 43/100 half down ponytail saves lives

Maria di Nazaret (2012)

Does Luca smoke? No, obviously.

Does Luca sing? No. He dances once - very clumsily.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No, though he almost drops a house on himself.

Is Luca naked? Guys, it’s a Bible movie.

Is Luca gay? Come on, he’s Saint Joseph.

Is Luca a slut? Lol no.

Lucameter: -10/100 just for that hair

La grande bellezza (2013)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? Full frontal, but in a disturbing way. Red body paint is involved.

Is Luca gay? Who’s to say?

Is Luca a slut? Please.

Lucameter: 4/100 which is more than the number of his on-screen minutes

Il mondo fino in fondo (2013)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Briefly; he mostly drinks.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets a fruit thrown at him.

Is Luca naked? He’s never more naked than a T-shirt and underwear, but those fuzzy thighs strike back hard after Waves.

Is Luca gay? He’s married to a woman.

Is Luca a slut? I mean, he’s married but goes to a strip club anyway.

Lucameter: 12/100 though he looks really hot in this movie

Non essere cattivo (2015)

Does Luca smoke? Yes, a lot, and he does lots of harder stuff.

Does Luca sing? No, but boy does he dance.

Does Luca eat? He briefly chews on something, but he mostly drinks.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, wonderfully, multiple times, so good.

Is Luca naked? Fully clothed the entire time.

Is Luca gay? He emanates just the most Gay Longing™

Is Luca a slut? Not actually in practice, but the vibe is there.

Lucameter: 86/100 would have been more if he’d had any nude scenes, but that butt in those jeans is very much appreciated

Lo chiamavano Jeeg Robot (2015)

Does Luca smoke? No, he takes care of his body!

Does Luca sing? Only in the best karaoke scene ever committed to screen. And a little in the car with his buddies. It’s wholesome.

Does Luca eat? He gets a whole ball of mozzarella shoved into his mouth. Luca Marinelli... is lactose intolerant.

Does Luca get slapped? No, but he gets sexy scratches on his face, so points for originality.

Is Luca naked? He’s got all the buttons of his shirt undone in one scene, and there’s also like a quarter of the butt.

Is Luca gay? He’s definitely not straight.

Is Luca a slut? He’s a slut for YouTube views and empowering female songs.

Lucameter: 97/100 I was missing The Slap but whatcha gonna do

Die Pfeiler der Macht (2016)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No, but he dances sluttily.

Does Luca eat? Yes, though all the food in this movie looks disgusting.

Does Luca get slapped? Very hard.

Is Luca naked? Not as naked as he should be considering the everything about him.

Is Luca gay? He fucks everything in this movie.

Is Luca a slut? He fucks everything in this movie.

Lucameter: 64/100 weak

Slam - Tutto per una ragazza (2016)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? He gives us a full butt moment.

Is Luca gay? Not in the slightest.

Is Luca a slut? Definitely, but it all happens off screen somewhere.

Lucameter: 34/100 the butt is doing all the work here

Il padre d'Italia (2017)

Does Luca smoke? Yes, a lot.

Does Luca sing? Yes, and he dances while singing!

Does Luca eat? No, but he drinks champagne like a fancy bitch.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes, by life.

Is Luca naked? We get everything in the first five minutes. Everything.

Is Luca gay? Yes, canonically and explicitly.

Is Luca a slut? No, he’s full of gay sin and self-loathing.

Lucameter: 99/100 glorious

Lasciati andare (2017)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? No.

Does Luca get slapped? He doesn’t have time for anything else but he always has time to get slapped.

Is Luca naked? Not in the slightest.

Is Luca gay? He just wants to be loved T__T

Is Luca a slut? The virgin vibes are stronger than in the Bible movie.

Lucameter: 8/100 it didn’t have to be this way

Una questione privata (2017)

Does Luca smoke? This movie is covered in smoke from Milton’s cigarettes. Seriously, he smokes all the time. Including the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca sing? No, not even in the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca eat? He drinks an egg, though not in the scene where he gets called ugly.

Does Luca get slapped? No. He gets called ugly, though.

Is Luca naked? No.

Is Luca gay? Strong bisexual vibes from this one.

Is Luca a slut? Again, major virgin energy.

Lucameter: 17/100 can you imagine they had the audacity to call him ugly???

Fabrizio De André - Principe libero (2018)

Does Luca smoke? In every scene. Every. Single. One.

Does Luca sing? Duh, while playing the guitar.

Does Luca eat? Yes.

Does Luca get slapped? No, everybody is soft for Fabrizio.

Is Luca naked? He’s wearing nothing but a bath towel for a whole scene.

Is Luca gay? He’s very much into ladies, although he’s got sizzling chemistry with every male character.

Is Luca a slut? He’s very into ladies.

Lucameter: 94/100 almost perfect

Trust (2018)

(it’s not a movie, but Primo is so iconic I can’t and shan’t leave him out)

Does Luca smoke? It’s the 70s and Italy, come on.

Does Luca sing? Unfortunately, he doesn’t, but he’s one hell of a dancer.

Does Luca eat? Munches on spaghetti like there’s no tomorrow.

Does Luca get slapped? Yes. And he doesn’t forget it.

Is Luca naked? Sadly no, but man does the camera love his butt hugged tightly by those slutty 1970s pants. Also balls. Just... just balls.

Is Luca gay? We don’t know for sure, but his whole vibe is kinda the exact opposite of heterosexuality.

Is Luca a slut? For money and power.

Lucameter: 82/100 would benefit from like a karaoke scene or something

Ricordi? (2018)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Yes.

Does Luca get slapped? No.

Is Luca naked? Oh yes. And he fuuuuuuuuuuucks.

Is Luca gay? This relationship is so heterosexual the couple are literally called Him and Her.

Is Luca a slut? He fucks a lot, but somehow in a very unslutty way. He’s mostly just sad.

Lucameter: 51/100 and he’s called ugly again???

Martin Eden (2019)

Does Luca smoke? Yes.

Does Luca sing? Amazingly, yes, very softly. He also dances.

Does Luca eat? Yep.

Does Luca get slapped? Finally the slappee has become the slapper.

Is Luca naked? Man, I wish. He doesn’t even take his shirt off like wtf dude what did you build all that bigness for???

Is Luca gay? No, and I think he’d be happier if he were.

Is Luca a slut? No, and again, I think it’d have served him better to be a slut.

Lucameter: 62/100 it’s a fine movie that would’ve benefited from more trademark Luca stuff okay

The Old Guard (2020)

Does Luca smoke? No.

Does Luca sing? No.

Does Luca eat? Briefly.

Does Luca get slapped? A lot of violence happens in this movie, but not a single slap, ridiculous.

Is Luca naked? Shirtless, with a close-up on the nipple.

Is Luca gay? Oh, I don’t know, does being one half of the most wholesome and perfect gay couple count?

Is Luca a slut? How dare you. He’s been happily married for 900 years.

Lucameter: 25/100 none of Luca’s trademarks are present but the epicness of his immortal marriage warms me when I shiver in cold

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

rating fandom affection terms for characters because i have nothing better to do

favorite character-simple, straight forward, not bad at all, but it lacks spice and a true demonstration of love, 8/10 gets the job done

problematic favorite-a great term, once again straight forward but in this case about the guy in question being acknowledged as a stinky rascal, 10/10

cinnamon roll-its ok, i was never into it bc idc for those types of characters, suffered a sad fate of eventually becoming a term associated with diminishing characters into just their "cute and pure" traits, 2/10 bc i remember it getting really annoying after a while, it being from old fandom times society wants to forget doesnt help its case

smol bean-same feelings as above, but suffered a more tragic fate that its downfall was caused by 30 years old adults attempting to call themselves smol beans, 1/10 i use smol every once in a blue moon

tol-i honestly dont think this was ever put in proper use, it was created to match smol but taller people (in fandom height standards thats anyone above 5'0) do not give off the vibes fandom people need to want to infantalize them, 5/10 for sounding a bit funny

waifu/husbando-i think someone using those to refer to any character at all should be a red flag, 1/10 someone can get more 4 points if their favorite is of age to be called that

best girl/best boy-can be a red flag but can also be used as a term for "whos your favorite from *gender*?" so it gets a mild pass, 4/10

baby boy (baby)-cute! came from a decently funny meme, 7/10 funny to scream out when youre rotating them in your brain

gay baby-im honestly convinced this wasnt used by a single lgbt+ person outside of like, maybe a gay baby jail joke, 0/10 called me a slur

rat-was funny the first fifty times, 6/10 not horrible but after a while it felt like itd meet the same fate as cinnamon roll

komaeda-i do not know how i feel about this, if its used in a conversation itll either be hilarious or be the worst attempt at making a character summary, ???/10

twink-i keep getting flashbacks to the chubby twink fight in that post about the animal crossing owls everytime i hear it, 6/10 i dont know what it means anymore

sexyman-funny term for us, slur for the characters, im confused if this is even an affection term/10

son/daughter-adorable i love seeing this get used for a character who had family issues, 8/10 just very sweet

poor little meow meow-the specific brand of irony is genius, its like watching a victorian woman throw bread crumbs at a starving orphaned homeless child, 9/10 my friend wanted to kill me for calling lancelot from king arthur my meow meow

skrunkly-meow meow but with a bigger brand of pity, truly like seeing a cat who just got out of a bath and is in misery, 10/10

blorbo-a fine revolutionary term used to fight back against angry ops their posts were getting fandom tags in the fandom app, 20/10 cured my fear of judgement

*any sexual term*-would maybe be a bit funny if you guys used it for men who actually look pretty for once, 2/10 has ironic potential

slut/whore-very funny if used in a couple of men, otherwise its just awkward 3/10

any graphic paragraph of wanting to fix a man through something such as putting them in rice-a great way to show concern but still hint at being able to laugh at them, 10/10 i tried joking about this with a friend outside of tumblr and she acted like i was insane

will update if i remember more <3

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 0 “Dave, My Best Friend” [Episode List] Tim is 20-something (secretly) gay guy that also has a fart fetish, but he lives a generally normal life, hanging out with friends etc. He also shares a very strong friendship with Dave (who’s straight), a brother-like figure to him and also his best friend. But when Dave finds out that Tim has different “interests”, things get stinky (literally) and their friendship is put on test.

This can be considered the  “pilot” episode of the series. It was first posted in Summer 2014 on a fart fetish site.

PART I - Prologue

Hey! My name’s Tim. But let’s just get to the point: I’m gay and I also have a fart fetish.

I don’t even remember how it started.

When friends farts around me, I always pretend to hate that. Well, at first, I did hate that, but the more they farted on/near me, the more I started to enjoy it. It’s weird, I know, but I actually started to like the idea of getting farted on as I got older. YouTube was the first website that “helped” me with my fetish, as I discovered many videos with people farting, realizing that I was not the only one with this fetish.

I am aware that this is not something you can tell everybody, so it’s my deepest and darkest secret.

Not even my best friend, Dave, around my age (we’re both in our 20s -I’m a couple of months younger than him), is aware of my fetish. And that’s a good thing, since I don’t really want to scare him or worse. To be honest, it’s hard to keep a secret like this when Dave is around…

Let’s see.

Dave has always been my best friend since forever. He’s like a brother to me.

While we do share a lot of interests and quirks in our personalities, he’s much more extroverted than me and he also had a couple of girlfriends in the last few years. He’s very open-minded and it’s generally a very nice guy. We’re also quite different physically: I’m not exactly “short”, but Dave is quite taller than me. Also, while he’s not exactly an athlete, he’s generally fitter than me. I guess he was right when he called me “lazy” everytime I refused to follow him to the gym (never mind that he also got tired of that in a month)! Overall, our friendship is still going strong. We hang out a lot with the rest of our friends and we still do those “game-nights” (both retrogaming and recent-gaming -is that the correct word?) like we always used to do when we were younger, just the two of us.

He knows everything about me, except obviously my fart fetish, for obvious reasons. He’s straight and while very open-minded (he has other gay friends), I just don’t want to tell him. But the fact that Dave has always been “the gassy one” in our group of friends is not helping. Normally, you wouldn’t expect a guy like Dave to be “the farter” (in movies or Tvshows, the stinky one is usually -no offence- the fat guy or at least the chubby one), but he’s actually well-known for his blasts of gas since we were teenagers. Even today, when we’re just “all guys, no girls” hanging around or just talking to each other, he says things like (even when he’s the one talking) “Shhhhh… did you hear that?” so that everybody could hear his stinky and loud fart-masterpiece.

Granted, it’s not ALWAYS like that. He’s a funny guy but not rude or immature.

Dave is my best friend and brother-like figure for countless of reasons, but his talent is seriously messing with my head. I’m pretty sure he once told me (during one of our game-nights and right after he made my couch shake with one of his farts) that he could also fart on command.

In recent years I even started imagining him farting in my face; surprisingly, he only farted directly in my head/face a couple of times, but VERY often (like always) in my presence. In fact, our game-nights have always been “fart-nights” too. He’s like a living fart-machine sometimes. I love that, but I don’t want to ruin everything because of a weird boner.

Tonight we’re going to do another game-night. As usual, we will be home alone, in my living room, sitting on the couch, playing videogames, talking, having fun, drinking beer or whatever I have in the fridge, just the two of us. And I know that, tonight, he’s going to fart a lot like always. Let’s just hope that he doesn’t realize that I actually want him to sit on my face and rip one of his loud farts on my nose…

PART II - Dave’s Secret Move

I’ve always been nerd-ish. Nah, I’m a complete nerd when it comes to videogames. I own almost every console made since the 80s. I’m not into the Console War: I’m above it. Nintendo, Sega, Sony, I don’t care. Each of them made incredible games (maybe not always at the same time) and, to be honest, I think they’re some kind of geniuses.

Me and Dave have always been proud gamers and videogaming itself is actually one of the biggest pillars in our friendship. When we do those game-nights, we simply activate our “nerd mode”. Growing up, during the game-nights we also started to drink beer, eating… “food” etc, but the “nerd mode” didn’t change a bit.

The same can be said for Dave’s farts, bigger every year; his farts can be considered some kind of gross “ambient music” for our game-nights. No, seriously. It’s not like we interrupt the gaming for his farts: Dave simply rips them while talking or playing and we both (even me!) ignore it, since it’s perfectly normal by now (we do laugh a bit when the fart gets a bit too loud or long though). He would sometimes say things like “Nobody can escape my farts!” and rip good ones, but other than that, as I said, we just ignore his gas.

Now here I am, alone (my parents are away for a couple of days). A rare “completely-alone” game-night. We can eat, scream, laugh as long as we wish because we’re completely alone for the whole night. As usual, I bought a couple of beers (it’s my turn this time) and around 9,000 tons of junk-food. All of my consoles are waiting for us in my living room, right in front of the couch, with a big HD Tvscreen above them: one big Cathedral of Videogaming made possible by my maniacal money-saving habits.

Eventually, Dave finally arrived, late as usual (around 15 minutes late, but that’s OK, we have the whole night).

He bought more beers and junk food and looked more excited than me. We’re in our 20s but those game-nights keep getting better and better, a nice break from our usual “young adult” stuff.

It was almost summer, so it was not a cold night. I was simply wearing a white shirt and sweatpants. Dave was a bit more “complex”: he had a green shirt instead and was wearing a pair of loose jeans. Dressed like that, and thanks to his shoes, he almost looked like some kind of skater-guy, even though he was not (he did try once! -and about one broken leg later, he gave up).

“Stop eating that. Your boyfriends are waiting for us!”

Dave was already sitting on his side of the couch. The “boyfriends” are, obviously, my consoles. I stopped eating chips and all that junk that was in the kitchen and I sat on my side of the couch, bringing two beers. We immediately started to play mindlessly, chatting about various stuff, videogames, exams, even politics sometimes. Typical game-night.

After one hour, I felt a vibration on my side of the couch. It was always a nice surprise to hear Dave’s farts. I quickly looked at him, farting like it was none of his business. It lasted around 5 seconds and it was great. He did smile a bit and we both laughed. He looked at me, smiling: he was a proud farter. As I said, typical game-night.

After a couple of minutes we eventually got very involved in one fighting, Mortal Kombat-ish videogame. I was beating him and I almost thought the he just didn’t want to play anymore and he was still holding his joypad to make me happy; not at all: it was serious business to him.

“You’re cheating, right?” he asked.

“No, you’re just a scrub…” I replied, with a grin.

“How dare you?!”

During one match I was actually struggling but I could beat him one more time. We both laughed as I punched him more and more: he was my b*tch (in the videogame at least). Dave laughed as he slowly got up, still playing the videogame.

“Dude! What are you doing?!” I asked.

“I’m unlocking a secret move!” he said, laughing.

After a few seconds, I could feel a hand gently pulling my head: it was Dave’s left hand. I didn’t realize what was happening at first, until I ended up with my head completely planted in Dave’s butt in loose jeans. It was soft and I felt the rough surface of his jeans in my face, still quite smelly for his previous fart. I was still holding my joypad and I could hear him laugh a bit. I felt his muscles relaxing as his hand was now pushing my face in his butt.

And then the fart began.

And I couldn’t believe it.

Time seemed to slow down as I felt an earthquake all over my face. My ears almost exploded as I heard this loud, deep chainsaw-like noise. The smell immediately engulfed my defenseless nose. I tried to look up as the fart was still blasted in my face: all I saw was was a glimpse of the Dave’s belt (right above the jeans) and his green shirt (and the rest of his butt of course). I then closed my eyes as the sound was still ear-shattering. His left hand was still pushing me. It was long, loud. It was awesome. After 6 seconds, the fart was still going strong. Despite that loud noise, I could hear Dave laugh a bit. At this point I didn’t even realize that I was still holding the joypad or that there was a videogame on. All I could see was Dave’s butt in my face. After 5 more seconds, the fart started to fade out, ending with a funny duck-like sound. My friend’s hand gently pushed me on the couch.

The TvScreen was showing a “Player 2 - Wins!” sign: Dave won. Still standing up, he turned around, with a smirk, and as he saw my dazed face, he bursted into a laugh, while collapsing on the couch, making even me bounce a bit.

The smell was still there, all over my face. I could still hear that beautiful sound in my ears. I couldn’t believe it: Dave, my best friend, ripped one of his well-known enormous farts in my face.

“Sorry man! You know, nobody can escape my farts!” - he said, laughing - “That was my secret move!”

I immediately “woke up” and quickly thought what to say. Still dazed, I just wanted to say “Amazing fart, Dave!”, but I couldn’t. Not me, at least. Not even sarcastically.

“Let’s just hope that you don’t know any other secret move” - I said. Brilliant. He will never know I loved it.

We both laughed. But he laughed a bit longer than me.

He was just smiling now, looking at me with a smirk. Still sitting, he slightly lifted his butt in my direction, ripping another loud fart. It was not very long this time, but seeing both his face and his butt farting was incredibly beautiful. He laughed again.

In the meantime, I grabbed the nearest pillow and I used it to hide the biggest boner I ever had.

I didn’t want to “f*ck” Dave or anything: it was his farts that made me… excited.

I thought I made it, but Dave wasn’t stupid. He knew I was hiding something.

Still smiling, he got up and then sat on the small coffee table, almost in front of me. He looked serious but also amused. He didn’t say a word for almost a minute, like he was waiting for something. I tried to ignore this whole situation by grabbing my joypad and offering a rematch. But he didn’t move. He wasn’t serious: he just had this amused-ish look on his face.

*Enough with this farce*, I thought.

He knows. Well, at least, he suspects it.

I tried to put myself in his shoes. I imagined myself as a straight guy (like him) and my best friend just had a boner because I farted in his face. I was now scared: there’s no way that Dave was going to accept (or even forgive) me.

I was ashamed. But this time, there was no escape.

I had to tell him.

PART III - Dave’s Talent

“D-Dave… I’m sorry” I said, breaking the silence.

I slowly pushed away the pillow, revealing a tent in my sweatpants.

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry!” I said, again, and again.

“Tim…” he replied. I ignored him.

My boner calmed down and I finally got up, like I was still trying to get away from that situation. I started slowly walking around in the living room, while Dave was still sitting on that table, looking at me, puzzled.

“I-I’m sorry! Oh my… I can’t believe this is happening…”

“Tim, listen…”

“No, Dave. No. Why are you even smiling? I-I’m so sorry, Dave.”

Ashamed, I was still walking around, almost panicking, with my hands in my hair. It’s like I was finally realizing what it was happening and it was like living in a nightmare.

My worst nightmare.

Dave was now standing near me as I still said “sorry” over and over. I didn’t have the guts to look at him.

“Tim, I’ve always knew you were-”

“Don’t say it, Dave. Please, not you.” I said. My eyes got wet.

In silence, I sat once again on the couch. I just wanted to wake up from that nightmare. Dave followed me and simply sat on the other side of the couch. The videogame was still saying “Player 2 - Wins!” but we both ignored it.

“Tim, I always knew you were… different” he said.

I looked at him. He was serious, still slightly amused, but he was being serious now.

“Tim. We’ve been hanging out since forever. I know you too well…”

“So… you know” I said, mindlessly grabbing a joypad.

Dave took a big breath (and so did I). He still had that amused-ish look on his face. He wasn’t faking it.

“Come on, Tim. We saw each other naked so many times!” he said, laughing.

I just wanted to die in that moment.

“See? This is why I was keeping it a secret!” I said. “Yes, we saw each other naked. We did a lot of things together. We hugged each other! And now all you can think is that I just want to f*ck you-”

But Dave immediately sat next to me.

And hugged me.

“Tim, see? I’m hugging you! I don’t care! I don’t give a shit about what you’re saying!”

I just stood there, frozen and embarrassed. I gently pushed him away.

“Dave, please, believe me. You’re like a brother to me. Yes, I’m… gay, but I don’t want to f*ck you or-”

“Tim! I don’t care! Nobody cares! I know you don’t want to fuck me! It’s OK!” he said.

Was he accepting me?

“This changes everything” I said.

“This changes nothing, Tim”.

“If you want to leave, I’ll understand. Our friendsh-”

“Tim, please! That’s ridiculous. You’ve always been like… this!” he said, slightly annoyed. “I told you that I always knew you were different, and yet here I am!” - he added.

I took a big breath and looked at him. I couldn’t believe this was happening. This was our final game-night.

“H-How did you find out…?”

“I always suspected it. You’ve always been kind of gay after all…” he said, laughing a bit.

I tried to smile, but I was too ashamed. This whole situation couldn’t possibly get more embarrassing.

“You think that I’ve never noticed your awkward boners in all these years?”

It just did. If there was a bottomless pit in my living room, I would just jump in that, like a suicide-Super Mario.

“Dude, we used to wrestle like idiots!” he said, laughing.

“I-I remember…”

“Of course you do…”

“There. You see? Believe me, I don’t-”

“Tim, I would get a boner too if I was wrestling with a girl!” he said.

“B-but… t-that’s… t-that’s normal…” I replied.

“Please, don’t even start with all of this ‘I’m not normal’-crap…”

As I said, Dave was very open-minded. I knew that he didn’t have any issues with gay guys. But this time, I was the “gay guy”. The fact the he’s always suspected my homosexuality, for some reason, made everything much more embarrassing for me. “Retrospectively” embarrassing -if that makes any sense.

“I-I just don’t want you to see our friendship as one big, long m-misunderstanding…”

“What’s that supposed to mean now? Tim, I said-”

“Dave, please. I’m gay and this is retrospectively embarrassing for both of us”

Dave simply laughed, amused “Retro-what? Are you even listening to yourself?”

“We saw each other naked. We hugged a lot of tim-”

“Tim, please. Not this whole 'hugged you’-thing again. I don’t care!” he said, patiently.

I just didn’t know what to say anymore. I never imagined this to happen anyway, so I wasn’t prepared. Dave, on the other hand, looked much more ready than me. He was not lying: he knew I was different.

“Tim, you’re wasting your game-night. I’m still here, see? I already told you I’ve always suspected it -and I was right. If I ever had any problems with you, I would have ended this friendship a long time ago!” he said. He was serious.

“Dave, I-I…”

“Tim, you’re like a brother to me. Don’t even think to end this friendship because you’re too embarrassed to even look at me! This changes nothing.”

“I-I don’t want to end our-”

“Great, that’s what I want to hear. I swear, don’t even think about it. Do you think you’re the only one who cares about our friendship?” Dave was serious now. “Years ago it was terrible and I didn’t have any real friend until I met you. D-Do you realize how much time we spent together since then? Do you realize that you’re a big part of my life? Do you even realize that when I lost my virginity, you were the first guy I called? And I was already suspecting that you were gay back then!”

I took another deep breath and I looked at my friend. He was serious. He truly cared; I felt bad for a moment: of course he cares! We’ve been best friends for more than a decade.

He then gave me a pat on the shoulder and smiled again.

“Come on… it’s OK, Tim! I know you’re scared, but don’t ruin everything…” he said.

I finally smiled too. “T-Thanks, Dave”

We hugged each other and I almost wanted to cry.

Dave accepted me and, really, nothing changed.

Ironically, our friendship got even stronger after that.

There was a long minute of silence. We simply grabbed our joypads, ready to resume our game-night.

“Oh, Tim…” Dave said.

“What?” I asked.

“I almost forgot…” he said, with a smirk.

Still sitting next to me, I could feel his muscles relaxing once again as I heard it. Another beautiful-sounding fart. The couch was vibrating: it was powerful as usual. While farting, Dave leaned a bit, pointing his butt in my direction. The sound became much more clear and it was amazing. I didn’t know what to do or where to look. I looked at his butt and then his face, smiling at me, amused. After almost 6 seconds, the fart ended, and Dave sat once again normally.

I was speechless. Dave looked at me and laughed again.

I instinctively tried to hide my boner, but that made Dave laugh even more.

“ahah, dude. I knew you were weird too…” he said, smiling at me.

Again, I felt ashamed. I started to say once again “Sorry” and all that stuff.

“That’s disgusting, man” he added. However, he was still smiling.

“Oh my Gosh, Dave. Oh my-” I was almost having a panic attack now.

Dave was just sitting there, next to me, smiling, amused, looking at me. He laughed a bit more.

I could feel the smell around the couch but it wasn’t as bad as you might think, for now at least.

“ahah. You liked it. I knew it!” he said, still laughing. A lot.

I actually smiled a bit too as I realized that he wasn’t really laughing AT me, but WITH me.

“S-Sorry, Dave. Yes I l-liked that…” I said. Very brave of me.

But he became suddenly serious, looking at me annoyed.

“That’s gross, Tim. I really should have ended this friendship years ago, after all…”

I didn’t have the time to feel my heart break in a million pieces as I felt more vibrations instead. Dave tried to keep a serious/angry face as he ripped one more fart next to me, but he eventually lost it and started to laugh again, while still ripping a good one; it was shorter than the previous one, around 4-seconds this time.

The smell was now stronger and so was my boner.

“Sorry, Tim. You know me: nobody can escape my farts!” he said, smiling. He was a proud farter.

We both laughed but there was another awkward silence after that.

“Well, at least I’m glad there’s someone who appreciates my talent ahah!” he jokingly said.

“Yeah. Sorry, man. Can we just pretend nothing happened?” I asked, hoping that he would just ignore my fetish.

“Are you sure? ahah. I’m feeling a big one coming and I don’t really want to waste my gas on this couch…” he said, amused.

I just didn’t know what to say.

“D-Dave, please. You don’t have to”

“Shut up” he said, almost whispering,

I could hear him taking off his shoes. While laying down on the couch, he slowly lifted his legs. His right leg gently brushed against my hair and I could feel him put it between the couch’s seatback and my own back. He then put his other leg on my chest. I was somehow “trapped” between his legs. Dave was taller than me so I had no way to escape in any case: his legs were just too long to avoid.

I felt totally immobilized and I couldn’t move. I looked at him, dazed. He simply smiled at me and laughed a bit.

He made a funny face, like he was saying “Get ready!” and I almost passed out because I couldn’t believe what was happening. I felt his legs pulling me under his body. Time seemed to slow down as I noticed that he was also lifting his butt. In a few seconds, he “gently wrestled” me (does it even make sense?) in front of his butt. In that position, his butt looked like a “wall of jeans”. I don’t know how to describe it: his loose jeans made the butt look a lot bigger and my face was nothing compared to that. Dave’s legs were still pulling me down as my face was now only inches away from his butt. I instinctively sniffed a bit and I felt his previous farts’ beautiful smell. Dave laughed again as he gently planted my face in his butt.

“Want to see another secret move?” he asked, laughing.

I couldn’t believe it.

I couldn’t even talk or say anything because my face completely planted in his butt. The rough surface of his jeans was tickling my nose and the smell was still there. A few seconds passed and my dick almost exploded when I felt Dave’s butt “growing” and relaxing its muscles.

And then I felt it all over my face.

It was like a blast of wind, an explosion, an earthquake.

Ear-shattering, loud, deep and beautiful: Dave was the fart-master.

I could feel my face vibrate as Dave ripped this fart in my face. The sound was “classic”, it almost sounded like a fake fart, but trust me, it wasn’t. The smell immediately engulfed my face, my hair and the entire couch as Dave’s legs slowly let me go, but I didn’t move. I did not want to. That was beautiful. The fart was great, but the fact that it was Dave’s fart made everything better. Not even in my wildest dreams I could imagine having a best friend like him.

After 10 seconds, the fart finally started to lose power. I slowly pulled my head away from his butt, but not too much, as I was loving all of that: I wanted to admire that butt. Seconds felt like minutes as I didn’t hear any reaction from Dave. I immediately sat down, dazed, and right behind that “wall of jeans” I saw Dave’s face: he was laughing like he rarely did. Indeed, he does find farts funny.

“D-Dave?” - I asked.

“Dude! That was incredible! Are you ok?” he asked, waving his hand: the smell hit him too.

He didn’t change position and he was still “showing off” his butt in my direction. I guess I looked at it a bit too much because he laughed a bit more. He looked at me, smiling. I didn’t even try to hide my boner this time.

“Did you like it?” he asked, but he already knew the answer, obviously.

He then sat next to me again, crossing his legs in a yoga pose, “hiding” his butt.

“D-Dave, I-I’m sorry”

“Dude, for what? Because you like sniffing farts?” he said, straight to the point, but laughing about it.

“Yes.” I simply replied, ashamed.

“It’s OK, Tim. You’ve always been the weird one”

I looked at him, he was just smiling. I couldn’t believe that he just farted in my face like that.

“Tim, seriously, it’s OK, don’t worry. It’s me, your best friend…” Dave was being serious again.

“P-please don’t tell anyone…” I asked.

“Of course. But now I’m the one asking you to carry on like nothing happened…”

Dave took a big breath. I was confused.

“Tim, I know you: you’re shy, insecure. But you shouldn’t. Don’t even think that I don’t want to be your friend anymore because of… this. As I said, you’ve always been kind of weird, but that’s what friends are for…”

I looked at Dave and my eyes got wet.

“A friend is the man who knows all about you…” I said.

“…and he still likes you” he continued.

“Elbert Hubbart” I added. Dave laughed.

“See? You’re also the smart one!” he said, smiling. “I knew you were different and I knew there was something going on… down there. ahah”

I guess Dave was perfectly comfortable with his own heterosexuality so he didn’t feel his “manliness” threatened by me or my “wishes” (if that makes any sense). Nice, cute and open-minded: I can’t believe his last girlfriend broke up with him after only six months. He’s an amazing guy and he’s always been.

“D-Dave… I-I don’t know what to say…”

“Oh, you’re going to cry now? You’re gay, not a girl. You can still be a man!” he said, jokingly, fully aware of the outdated gender roles.

We both laughed a bit as we hugged one more time.

“Dude, you might want to get a shower. Your hair smells like crap!”

“That’s because your farts are incredible… ahah” I replied.

He looked at me, with a smirk. “Only the best for my best friend!” and he smiled.

Dave quickly laid down on the couch and lifted both his legs. I was puzzled.

His butt was facing up and funny sounds started to come out.

“Dude! What are you doing?!” I asked, confused but laughing.

“Shhh… just listen…” he whispered.

PRRT PR PT PT PPFFFFF And other weird sounds.

And then I remembered. Dave could also fart on command. So he wasn’t lying.

“I’m brewing a big one…” he said, trying not to laugh.

“Dave, thanks. But why can we just…” he was still making weird sounds.

“wohoho… man, come here, quick…” he said.

“W-what?!?” - I was surprised.

“Come here! Listen…” he said, waving his hand.

I just didn’t what to say, again. It was like my wildest dreams. He was still lifting his legs and the whole situation kinda looked like those “fart on command” videos from YouTube. I slowly put my head closer and closer to his butt, now slightly sagging, showing off a glimpse of his black boxers. The smell was incredible, but those weird sounds were not “farts”: he was actually sucking air in his butt!

“Oh my… ahaha” I couldn’t help but laugh, with my head very close to his butt.

“ohhh… this is going to be huge, man…” he said.

I saw his legs coming down a bit and the sounds stopped. I felt his left hand touching my head as he started to push my face in his butt, spreading his legs wider, showing off his sagging butt in jeans.

“D-Dave, than-”

“Shut up and enjoy the music” he said, laughing, still gently pushing my face.

Indeed, it was a beautiful “music”.

Another fart came out. This was quite different, maybe because it was not completely “natural”, as it was the result of Dave’s unique talent. It was still loud and going strong, but it felt less wet, yet still very beautiful. It lasted around 7 seconds. I sniffed a lot and I heard Dave laugh, as usual. He let my head go but we both didn’t move. He slightly changed his legs’ position and started to suck air again. I just stood there, with my head planted in his butt.

After a couple of seconds, he farted again, loud and powerful.

He was like Will The Farter, or something like that. Or even better. He zig-zagged between sucking air and actual farts: I loved all of that. His butt was like a pillow for me and I loved how he simply let me sniff his gas.

It was beyond my wildest dreams and he really proved to be my BEST friend, no matter what.

He accepted me, farts or not.

After a fourth big fart in my face, I simply stopped sniffing and sat on my side of the couch, with a smile on my face. I wanted to stop, because Dave is my best friend for countless of reasons, not just farts. Also, I actually really wanted to continue my game-night with him, as a friend would do.

He then sat normally too, laughing, right after one last fart.

“I guess that was a bit too much even for you…” he said, jokingly.

“You’re the fart master, Dave. But you already knew that”

“Don’t be such a brown-noser… no pun intended ahah!”

We both sat normally on the couch and grabbed our joypads. I tried to ignore my boner (with my penis almost exploding in a cloud of “white dust”), despite the beautiful fart experience and the smell still engulfing the entire room. Dave, on the other hand, completely ignored it and after a few minutes he changed the subject, resuming our “default” game-nights talking.

Nothing changed, indeed.

He acted like nothing happened. We ate junk food and had more beers together, playing videogames.

I guess that’s what best friends are for, after all.

Dave, my best friend.  My brother-like, funny, open-minded and gassy best friend.

The End

[taylorkellyreporting]

i hope no one minds if i liveblog this bitch: hawaii five-0 season 1

steve has a much deeper voice than i thought he would lmao not at all important but felt like sharing

ooh his dad is hiding something

he's dead :(

I don't completely trust what the mayor is saying

danny hid the stuffed animal he got for grace :(

i'm already loving steve and danny's dynamic

“pineapple infested hellhole.” 😭

danny's ringtone for his ex wife sends

damn punched him straight in the face 😭 this partnership is off to a great start

they look so done in that scene of them wearing the shirts 😭

“where are you trying to go? go ahead. want me to shoot you? stop.” fjgkfkdks

two eps in, and steve and danno are fighting like an old married couple

I KNEW NATALIE WAS SHADY

“to my cousin, who always brings light to darkness.” I’M CRYING

sid being their cousin was actually unexpected for me

“you weren’t held when you were a baby, were you?” "i was held, okay? i have photos, if you want proof.” “photoshopped.” pls 😭😭

lmao danny is so passionate about ham and pineapple not belonging on pizza

rachel hasn’t even been introduced onscreen, and i already hate her

that entire scene with the sharks sends so hard

“how long have you guys been married?” dkfjfjs

I knew there was more to craig than just being a kidnapped victim

“old house, thin walls.” “oh! God!” “yeah! you said that a lot last night!” HELP 😭

the medical examiner is hilarious

“ever make it to double pretzel level?” “triple banana, bitch.” too damn funny

oh crap, mary found the box

the looks on chin and steve’s faces when kono took that woman’s dog 😭

lmfao “it’s not like it’s the dogs fault”

it should be illegal to make kono cry

woah a wild josh dallas appears

losing it over ian being ben’s father

steve absolutely lit up like a damn christmas tree when danny told him he likes when he says “book em, danno.” if you’re in love, just say that <3

the scene with them spreading ian’s ashes was beautiful

danny looking around and lowering his voice before he says to steve “you miss me, don’t you?” dkgjfjs that’s so gay

“you talking to your wife?” HELLO????

“if i wanted him dead, he’d be dead.” sir, that does not help your case in any way

oh crap, she lost lily

poor lily, she lost her mom and her dad

they just?? unknowingly cooked a man?

chim and danny are the ultimate brotp

erica getting hit by that bus was…so regina george

fuck that was funny

i knew that guy was dirty

“why do you think i brought my family here?” “i don’t know, you’re a murderer. who cares?” pls this is why i love danny

“i told you, i hated that guy.” danny, read the room for me, baby

the last few minutes of this episode are freaking intense

laughing my ass off at the fact that i was only going to liveblog my reaction to the first episode, and now i’m on episode ten 😭

“he’s 25.” “this kid looks like he’s 12.” aww, danny. i know he’s dying, but you don’t have to lie

no thoughts, just danny calling steve “babe”

so that’s rachel

if they develop both rachel as a character, and also her relationship with danny, i think i could actually like her

that’s it for the first ten eps!

when i started this show, i did not expect to love it so much, nor did i expect to be shipping steve and danny lmao

you’re a real one if you actually read this entire post

[mrstaeminlee]

Mission Complete Ch. 1

You had two goals in life. One: Complete your squad training without dying. Two: Fuck Levi Ackerman

Pairings: Levi/f!reader

Warnings: Swearing, eventual smut, lmk if I need to add anything~

You really had no idea what the fuck prompted you to join the military. Maybe it was to find some redeeming grace in the eyes of your dying mother, maybe it was because you wanted a life with as much stability as one could muster, maybe it was because you just fucking hated farming.

Whatever it was, you wished to any God that would listen that you would have buried it in the ground along with the countless friends and family members you had lost to the Titans.

The first week of the cadet corps was everything you knew you would hate and more. Between the foul smelling breath of the commandant threatening to make you puke up the bread you had managed to steal, to working your body to the point of sneaking away from one on one combat to puke behind the bushes, after seven days you had almost decided that maybe digging in the dirt for the rest of your miserable life wasn't so bad.

There was only one thing stopping you from making your own walk of shame to the wagon of regret.

Levi Ackerman.

AKA the man you fantasized about every night when you managed to find enough strength to finger yourself below the covers.

He was a couple of inches shorter, true, but you were willing to break your rule of not fucking anyone shorter than you for him.

You had only see him twice in your life by complete chance, the first had been when you happened to be by the gates in time to see the Scouts returning from what was undoubtably another failed mission, and you decided that what the hell, might as well have a look at Humanity's Strongest in the flesh. Granted, it hadn't been his best day; his green cloak was splattered with what could only have been the blood of his comrades as it didn't look as if he had a single scratch on him, but he looked like a god, albeit one that had just gotten his ass kicked out of heaven. His eyes seemed to be sunken in, and even from how far away you were you found yourself shivering from the intensity of his dead gaze. You weren't sure what possessed you to lift your hand as he eyes moved through the crowd, looking for whom, you didn't know, or what possessed him to raise those eyes to you, but you found yourself lost in haunted silver as you gave a soft wave. The way he seemed to look straight through you, not even seeing you even as you stared at each other, was enough to convince you that you needed to do whatever it took to see this man again.

You enlisted the start of the next week.

The second time was completely by chance.

Everyone was desperate for military recruits, and desperate times called for desperate calls to important people to make appearances in front of people that were well, not very important.

Erwin Smith, Dot Pixis, Nile Dawk, Levi Ackerman, Hange Zoe, Rico Brzenska, and even Darius Zackly graced the entrance ceremony of the new Cadets, and you thanked whatever bone in your body made you a teacher's pet because you had a front row seat to the man that had plagued your thoughts every single day in the past week. His appearance was brief and he didn't speak, just stared at the fresh faces, some cocky, some blank, but mostly terrified new recruits, and you could have sworn that you saw a tinge of sadness hidden in the silver, as if he could already foresee the deaths of everyone in front of him. He followed after Erwin immediately after the blond gave his speech about thanking you all for making the decision to serve humanity and you fought the urge to roll your eyes. 'I'm not doing this for humanity, I'm doing this for dick,' you thought as you signed your life away to this shit camp for the next two years.

How one man who was fucking shorter than you managed to convince you to trade the next 728 days, 14 hours, 37 minutes, and 15 seconds of your life for physical and emotional hell was beyond you, and yet here you were, standing proud and slightly hungover from the pre-graduation celebrating you did with Eren, Mikasa, and Armin the night before. They hadn't initially been your first choice in friends, but Armin was nice to you from the start and once you very quickly learned that flirting with Eren in front of Mikasa was not in your best interest, you had decided that they were alright; especially when Eren's Titan form had been revealed. If anyone was going to have to get close enough to keep an eye on Eren, it would be Captain Levi.

The very man you were thinking of walked on the stage along with Nile Dawk, Dot Pixis, and Erwin Smith as the three took turns giving their pitch. You hadn't made the top 10 but were happy for your friends that were, you were content with your place as 13th. In a class of over 500, you still considered it a win, and if your parents were still alive you knew they'd be proud. As the remaining members of the top 10 who had opted to join the elitest MP's went off to talk to Nile and the other scared fucks ran off to sign themselves to the Garrison regiment, you and around a hundred other members stayed where you were and you licked your lips, forcing your heart rate to calm itself. 'Calm down, you can't work your way up to fucking the strongest man in the world if you die of heart attack before-'

"Listen up you little shits."

Oh my God he was speaking you've never heard his voice before it's so fucking-

"Most of you are going to die. Are you prepared for that?"

Ah, so Humanity's Strongest was a sweet talker.

"Erwin is making me come up here and talk, so we're all going to pretend that I'm saying some meaningful bullshit. But here's the truth: If you aren't strong, you will die, and it will be painful. Imagine the thought of seeing your childhood friend's entrails being slurped up like spaghetti by a Titan, while the entire time he's conscious enough to reach his hand out for you, and you are able to do nothing for him because you spent exactly one second hesitating, or you were a moment too late to draw your blades, or react to the threat. If that scares you, then do us all a favor and put down that half assed salute and sell your soul to the Garrison where you'll spend your days fucking the best whores for a discount if you're in uniform and getting drunk on the clock."

After his touching speech you and your now dripping panties decided that you had indeed made the right decision in selling yourself to the Scouts.

One month later

It was moments like these, where you weren't quite trashed but definitely more than tipsy, that you had never been happier to be part of the survey corps. I mean, you were in peak physical shape (you still couldn't believe you had abs. Abs!), you were hot, you were fit, and you knew Sasha Braus, who had managed to steal a few bottles of top shelf liquor from the higher ups.

You were also horny as fuck. It had been over a year since you'd gotten laid, and you were using the dildo you'd bought on your first trip back into town as often as you brushed your teeth (twice a day, you didn't fuck with cavities). You briefly thought about enlisting the help of one of your current drinking buddies but after seeing your choices you decided to leave it to old faithful hidden in your pillowcase. There was Jean, who albeit was pretty hot even with the long face but was so in love with Mikasa it made you want to vomit. Marco, who you were almost one hundred percent sure was gay; Connie, who held the sexual appeal of a pile of horse shit, although he was super nice. Reiner almost looked promising but you knew underneath those stocky muscles was a shitload of emotional baggage you didn't want, and Bertholt was head over heels for Annie of all people. That left Armin and Eren. Eren you already knew was out, while your slut senses told you he'd be a great lay, you weren't quite ready for your life to end at the hands of Mikasa. That left Armin. You tilted your head, staring at him as you sipped on your god forsaken concoction and debated fucking him or not. He wasn't outright sexy, but he'd filled in well during the two years of training and you had seen glimpses of his surprisingly impressive muscles under his white shirt. He might actually do. He'd be shy as hell and you would have to lead everything, not to mention he'd probably cum in less than a minute, but it just might-

“Did you guys know that Captain Levi is a virgin?"

You spit the mix of vodka, rum, and whatever mixer Reiner had put in all over the face of the person you had just considered fucking.

"I'm sorry, what?" You turned your attention to Christa, apologetically handing Armin a napkin and patting his cheek.

Christa blushed at the attention and scooted closer to Ymir, who threw an arm around her shoulders and gave Reiner her customary 'If you even look at her weird, I will gut you' look. "W-Well, recently I started helping out in the infirmary because they've been short handed. You all know, it's that time of year where everyone has to get looked at and they give us that sheet of paper to fill out with all of our personal information to keep track of potential diseases. I was in charge of filing the paperwork the day they brought all of the officers in, and on the paper they ask you how many sexual partners you've had and Captain Levi wrote 0. But you guys, you have to promise not to tell anyone! This is private information, if it somehow gets out that I told you this I'll get into a lot of trouble!"

Ymir chuckled, placing a sloppy kiss at the top of the blonde's head. "Don't worry about a thing sweet cheeks, if any of these miscreants here says a word I'll kill them for ya. But we don't have to worry about that at all, now do we?" She glared at each person in the room, who all looked as if Christa were a ghost, and slowly shook their heads.

Your life was changed.

Captain Levi Ackerman.

The strongest man in the world.

Rumored former thug of the Underground.

The person responsible for killing as many Titans as a hundred soldiers.

The person whose squad every scout dreamed of being on, was a virgin.

You screeched out a laugh before you could help it, the alcohol doing nothing to try and make you quiet yourself as you fell onto your back laughing, cup long forgotten as it rolled across the floor. The person who initiated your drive to join the military in the first place, the person you literally dreamed of fucking, had never gotten his dick wet.

Clearly, you had your work cut out for you.

If you managed to live through the sight of Ymir reaching over to punch you in the face to shut you up.

[feelingofcontent]

DNP Rewatch: Awkward Stories From The Closet 2

Date video was published: 11/20/2020 (X)

DNP Main Channel Rewatch: 426

A sequel to one of my favorite videos from earlier in 2020.

0:00 - Phil wearing black again! it is a good look

0:25 - “some truly cursed memories” sets this up perfectly

0:43 - Phil had the fake names ready-to-go this time

1:07 - “that’s when things got weird” clearly Phil didn’t want to go over for a reason for a while

1:13 - this was like a common thing back in my childhood to for some reason? I distinctly remember a couple “hypnosis” things my friends and I did. kids are weird

1:16 - that is a bit weird to start with especially if they weren’t that close of friends, lol

1:27 - awww, gullible young Phil

1:37 - very specific from ‘Dwayne’ there

2:06 - that would be very awkward...I can’t believe Phil actually remembers specifics about it though

2:35 - I laugh every time I watch this 😂 oh Phil

2:39 - innocent young Phil. not surprised it was animal-related either

3:00 - imagine being that person and actually seeing this 😂

3:09 - uni-Phil stories! my favorites

3:31 - love that Phil immediately thought he was cute

3:44 - moment of panic! me too with strangers talking to me, me too

 3:52 - I’m gonna guess Phil is much more ‘charming’ than he thinks he is

4:07 - important annotation there from Phil

4:15 - Phil immediately falling in love with cute guys he met 🥺 he really did want someone so much during uni, it seems

4:40 - and kind Phil

4:42 - “ambiguous train ride” 😂

4:50 - I mean....I MEAN. why are so many moments of Phil’s life straight out of fanfiction

5:20 - it seemed like it was all going so well!

5:30 - love Phil’s genuine confusion about this

5:39 - very dramatic there. I would be he’s thinking of a few other brave moments...

5:44 - oops at using the wrong fake name on this text conversation

5:49 - Phil air-quotes! good level of subtleness in that question

6:09 - tangent!

6:12 - at least the guy replied. 

6:20 - dying at the fake text response Phil came up with 😂 “i like boobs peace out’ king of comedy

6:30 - and then the ending! this is one of my favorite Phil stories of all time

6:42 - yeah this one is weird in a different slightly-creepy way

7:02 - and now we know why Phil might have been particularly concerned about a catfish

7:09 - “I was also bored” not sure that’s a good reason for doing something, yikes

7:14 - love the gay alarm bit

7:30 - those air-quotes started off normal and got progressively more Phil

7:52 - “that’s not sexy to anyone...well maybe someone” alrighty then. I get that though...not knowing who someone is when they know who you are would feel weird

8:27 -  at least he was actually another uni student

8:38 - “a subtle gay” Phil’s descriptions are so great

8:44 - great detail using one of his old emo photos there 🥺

8:58 - aww, Phil

9:21 - Phil does seem like such a nice person and good friend

9:25 - Phil being thirsty and bored seems to have gotten him into quite some situations in uni

9:32 - I really want to know if this encounter was one of the ones he mentioned in this tweet back in 2012

9:44 - a nice ending to that story!

I might like this one even better than the first one! Peak Phil storytelling. 

I’m pretty sure in the (fairly long) gap between the last video and this one is when DNP moved solely into the ‘filming flat,’ where they would be until the forever home was finished. The last look of the ‘living flat’ were insta stories on November 12 of Steve and Scraggy (aww 🥺) and a bath bomb test. Also Phil made a “one year since Japan” post with some new photos, which 😭😭