#it was really stupid to trust someone that much how could i forget you leave or you get left behind

[thebluebygracieabrams]

loving your friends and lovers the same amount but just in different ways is great for many reasons such as any friendship has the potential to turn into a romance and any romance can turn back into a friendship because you love that intensely all the time anyway. however

[str4wb3rrysw3etheart]

Do you think you could write hcs of the boys at prom? 🥹 (post comic book store fire, since in the lore they didn’t go the first time)

OFCC!!!

Sfw ♡

Cw: suggestive in Petes and bills, bill needs to be pegged/j, usage of slut, Josh has a binge ed

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷

Bill

♡Did not want to go.. his mom barely let him go, but decided he needed to hang out with someone ..

♡He stands with you in the corner at the food table, eating the occasional snack, and complaining that his tie was too tight (his mom made him dress up)

♡If you try to dance with him, he will blush from embarrassment and refuse, saying that it's dumb.. just make him he's pathetic (I love him)

♡Try to kiss him? Hes bright red. He chewed four packs of gum and brushed his teeth for 30 minutes to prepare for this, but still..

♡He stares.. a lot, he finds you so domestic in a dress, and he feels manly. He yaps about how good of a house wife you'd be..

♡He sulks in the corner if you go off to talk to someone else.. you're litterally his only friend there.

♡Will ask to go to the bathroom (to get lucky..) multiple times. Unless you say yes he gets whiner and whiner each time

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷

Pete

♡Finds the whole thing stupid, but goes, he doesn't wanna upset the only women to EVER talk to him..

♡Dances with you, and tries to be romantic, but kinda sucks at it.. just making sexual (and slightly objectifying ..) remarks

♡Doesn't dress up at all. He's wearing his normal clothes..

♡Refuses to let you go off with your friends, following you around, not really interested in your friends in the slightest.. what good are they anyway?

♡Tries to ... well.. get lucky with you at the end of the dance (if you want more details thats another fic)

♡If you kiss him he's just a bit too into it.. he sucks at it though.. (teaching Pete how to kiss fic coming up??/hj)

calls you horrendous petnames the whole time (women , sugar, slut)

♡Lowkey he makes you leave early and watches a movie with you instead, complaing that there were too many normies there..

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷

Josh

♡VERY nervous to go to prom.. he made his mom do his hair, spent two hours cleaning himself up, and practicing how to kiss and what to say in the mirror..

♡Forgets all that he practiced as he sees you, You're the prettiest thing he's ever seen..

♡Tends to eat a lot of food out of his nervousness, so best believe he is by that snack table..

♡When you try to dance with him, he sucks at it. Stepping on your feet and tripping the whole time.. he has clearly never done this before

♡When you kiss him, he doesn't reciprocate at first, freezing up, he eventually leans into it, I'll admit a bit messily, but he's okay at kissing

♡Nervous rambles the whole time, he can't shut up. Normally he goes silent from anxiety, but I guess if he can't give you a minute alone with your thoughts you won't decide to leave him because you can't think about it

♡Once he gets more comfortable, he sweats a bit less, still on edge, but trusts you.. happy to be there with someone he loves.

♡Definitely called you milady at least once. Wanting to cry from embarrassment when you laughed.

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷

Jerry

♡Actually went there mostly on his own accord , didn't take much convincing when you asked

♡He is still a bit awkward the whole time, but he tries to mask it, acting confident as if he didn't cry over his hair not looking right for you 20 minutes ago..

♡Is most familiar with dancing, he's been to plenty of weddings for family members he doesn't remember

♡When you kiss him, he kisses back almost immediately, but you can feel how sweaty his palms are

♡Actually makes an effort to seem.. normal? While there. Talking with your friends if you bring them over, and being respectful of you wanting space

♡Tries to drink the punch, and it ends up being spiked and is so wobbly is almost comical. He is a huge lightweight

♡Compliments your dress like 15 times, trying to cover up that's why he was staring, and not anything else... nooo...

꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷꒦꒷꒦︶꒷꒦︶ ๋ ࣭ ⭑꒷

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[pastryfication]

I love ur fics ❤️ can you do an Oscar x reader fic where she can’t find Oscar in the paddock and is panicking and goes to lando for help x

i'm here but i'm lost in crowd

pairing: oscar piastri x reader note: you guys seem to really love platonic lando lol so here's another one <3 also i’m sorry i somehow misread your request to reader getting lost and not losing oscar…

the united states grands prix were by far the most chaotic races of the season. normally, you didn’t prioritise them—the time-zones messed with your sleep schedule, the amount of spectators became overwhelming, and oscar had so many media duties that he barely had time for you, so why spend precious days off when you could use them on less crowded grands prix?—but you had time off either way, so on a 20 hour flight to the other side of the world you were.

you tried to stay close to kim as you arrived at the paddock. he was the person on oscar’s team who you knew and trusted the most, and he was more than happy to let you tag along to his duties, but eventually, he had to go to a meeting, and then you had to find somewhere else to go.

at first, you decided to stay in the hospitality area, too afraid of getting lost to wander about, but it quickly started to bore you. there were no familiar faces, and you grew tired of sitting alone in a corner.

walking outside the mclaren building, you were immediately met with the rush of people walking around you. the air was full of excitement and anticipation—the usual on a race weekend—and you couldn’t help but smile. this was why you wanted to come to as many races as possible; you absolutely loved the atmosphere.

smiling, you walked through the paddock, waving to fans when they noticed you, stopping briefly to say hi to engineers and other mclaren personnel as you passed them, and before you knew it, you found yourself in a completely unfamiliar place.

you looked around, realising just how disoriented you were. the hum of the paddock, which had initially filled you with excitement, now felt like an overwhelming blur. faces passed by too quickly to register, people walking around everywhere and your heart started to race as the nagging feeling grew—where were you?

the crowds seemed to move faster now, making you feel even more isolated. the rush of people, the sounds of chatter and excitement, the bright texas sun bearing down—it all added to the growing panic in your chest. you tried to retrace your steps in your mind, thinking back to how you'd ended up here, but the more you thought about it, the more it seemed like you’d wandered too far. you could feel your throat tightening as you scanned the sea of unfamiliar faces. why hadn’t you just stayed in the mclaren hospitality?

you reached for your phone, intending to send an SOS to someone from the team, but your pockets were empty. had you really been stupid enough to forget your phone?

as the realisation that you really were alone settled in your body, you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself down. you could do this. you’d been to enough races by now to find your way back, right?

but no matter how much you told yourself that, the panic only grew. what if you walked the wrong way and ended up even further from where you were supposed to be? what if you bumped into the wrong crowd and caused a scene? the paddock suddenly felt more intimidating than exciting, the noise drowning out your thoughts, leaving you frozen in place.

just as you felt yourself spiraling, a voice broke through the chaos.

“hey!” a voice called out your name. “what are you doing out here alone?"

you spun around so fast that you nearly stumbled, heart pounding in your chest as your eyes landed on the familiar face of lando norris. relief flooded through you so intensely that for a second, you couldn’t even form words. lando was standing just a few feet away, his helmet under one arm, a slightly confused but amused look on his face. he took a step closer, raising an eyebrow as he glanced around.

“pretty far from mclaren territory, aren’t you?” he teased, though his tone was light, and there was a softness in his eyes when he looked back at you.

you sighed, running a hand through your hair. “i don’t even know how it happened. i was fine, just walking around, and then all of a sudden, nothing looked familiar anymore. and now i just—” you trailed off, feeling a little ridiculous for admitting how overwhelmed you were.

lando’s expression softened when he noticed the genuine worry in your eyes. “hey, it’s alright,” he said, his voice gentle now. “it happens to the best of us. this place can be a maze if you’re not paying attention. if i had a dollar for every time someone got lost in this paddock, i’d have… well, probably enough to buy a few extra helmets.” he smiled when you laughed at his words, glancing around, as if to get his bearings, before his eyes landed back on you. “come on, i’ll walk you back before oscar starts a search party.”

you let out a breath of relief, feeling the tension in your chest loosen just a little. “thanks, lando.”

“don’t mention it,” he replied with a wink. “besides, it’s not every day i get to play the hero.”

you rolled your eyes shaking your head slightly, and as you continued walking through the paddock, the surroundings began to look more familiar. with lando’s easy-going presence beside you, the fear that had gripped you earlier seemed almost ridiculous now.

“you know,” he said after a few moments of walking in companionable silence, “i think oscar might owe me for this one. saving his girlfriend from the wild paddock? that’s gotta be worth at least a couple free dinners, right?”

you couldn’t help but laugh, the sound of it surprising even yourself. “i’ll make sure he knows just how heroic you’ve been today.”

lando smirked, glancing sideways at you. “good. i expect a full report.” there was a moment of silence before he continued. “honestly, though,” lando continued, glancing at you, “if you miss someone to hang out with, you should just stick with me more often. i’ll make sure you never get lost again.

“thank you, lan.” you smiled earnestly up at him.

as you neared the mclaren building, the bustling crowd became more familiar, and the sight of papaya clad engineers and personnel milling around instantly brought a sense of comfort. you exhaled, feeling the last remnants of anxiety melt away.

“here we are,” lando announced grandly, gesturing toward the motorhome. “safe and sound, thanks to your friendly neighborhood norris.”

you shook your head, a laugh escaping you. “i really appreciate it, lando. seriously.”

“anytime,” he replied, grinning widely. “i’ll always be happy to help.”

[asterkatt]

ISAT ACT 5 SPOILERS!!

okay I said I was going to give more thoughts on act 5 of ISAT and then uh. I didn't. oopsies. but we're here now!!

I loved Odile's friendquest in this act SO much. one of my favorite things about the way the game handled Siffrin's actions throughout the entirety of act 5 in general is that everyone's reactions to him were so DIFFERENT. but not only were they different, they had reasons for being different. it wasn't just "Siffrin says something messed up, hurts someone's feelings, pushes it down, rinse and repeat". each "breakdown" was specifically tailored to be character specific. to fit in with how they've behaved in the story thus far, as well as how Siffrin feels about them/tends to respond to them in particular. with Mirabelle, it really was entirely accidental. Siffrin didn't even realize how their wording might come across in the moment. It wasn't him lashing out in any way - just him genuinely trying to cut corners. Odile?? Odile's was very different. it's easy to see that there's a lot of tension between Siffrin and Odile - more tension than there is with anyone else. Odile has been a thorn in Sif's side - constantly observing and watching and theorizing about why they're behaving strangely. I did the sus quest. Sif knows that she has the ability to figure it out. Consequently, they have to be way more aware of her than anyone else. (side note that's not entirely relevant to this but I want to bring it up - the fact Siffrin believes that her constant eye on him is because "she doesn't trust you" makes me sick. because that's not it at all. they might pretend it is. hell, she might act like it is. but it's not and she knows that. she knows it's because she's worried because she cares and Siffrin can't understand that.) so I feel like they took the "mistake" of messing up with Odile harder than they took any of the other interactions. because how could they be so stupid. how could they forget. how could he forget that she always figures it out.

so of course he lashes out. not only are they being faced with the same blinding mistake they've made over and over and over again, it's also a reminder that she doesn't trust him. (and why should she?).

and then she goes and makes it all worse by calling him a "friend". because they know that's not how she sees them. he believes that she doesn't trust him. so it must seem like she's directly lying to his face - and she thinks they're too dense to see through it.

I love that Odile doesn't back down. she doesn't shy away when they start yelling at her. she doesn't let it slide just because she made them upset (Isa and Mira both probably would - though Isa would try and get them to talk about it later). she pushes, because that's the only way she's going to get any answers.

the way you can feel her anger when Siffrin hits her where it hurts the most (without even seeing her face) is just AUHGSKJDHFKJSH. the writing of this game. the details. never cease to amaze me. I love the way she snaps back. she doesn't get angry, she doesn't yell - and yet somehow it hurts just as badly.

I also love the way Siffrin reflects on it - the way they acknowledge that "she was only worried about you!!!" because deep down he knows that their friends do actually care about him. the way Odile handles the situation afterwards as well - at the clocktower?????? I love that you can tell she's trying so hard to make the "right" choice to not endanger them when it's not what she wants. she doesn't want to leave Siffrin behind. If they weren't going to take on the King the next day, I guarantee you she'd be using anything in her power to figure out what was going on with him. I don't have the exact quote rn but at the end of the sus questline she mentions that she can't let something go when she finds it odd - and this is BEYOND odd. but she has to put the safety of the whole group and their mission first, and I love seeing that side of her.

[delilahsturniolo]

⟡ ݁₊ welcome to the end of the world! (please leave your sanity at the door.)

𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒄𝒉 . . . four friends: nick, matt, chris, and you—find themselves stuck together at the end of the world, trying to survive a zombie apocalypse with nothing but their wits, a questionable supply of snacks, and zero emotional maturity. you’re just trying to stay alive without losing your mind—or falling for someone on the team.

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔 . . . mentions of blood, descriptions of a wound, romantic tension, slow burn.

CHAPTER TEN: NEW BLOOD, OLD WOUNDS

read more parts here!

you limp down the cracked sidewalk, leg aching, heart worse. the sky’s bleeding pink into a gray, tired dusk, and the group is quieter than ever. it’s like everyone’s waiting for someone else to break first. lana’s trailing behind chris and nick, arms crossed tight over her chest, eyes flicking to every shadow. she hasn’t said much since the diner, just quiet thanks and awkward silences. she doesn’t trust any of you yet, and, honestly? you don’t really trust her either.

you glance at matt. he’s walking ahead, again. not too far, but enough that it feels like a statement, a message. his jaw’s clenched. his knuckles white around his weapon. like if he just focuses hard enough, he can pretend he didn’t say something that shattered the air between you two like broken glass. and you wish you could stop replaying it…

“we kissed once. it doesn’t have to mean anything.”

it meant everything. even if he’s too afraid to admit it.

nick finally breaks the silence, walking backward like a tour guide in a war zone. “okay. i vote we find shelter and maybe have a full group therapy session, but like, in a chill, emotionally repressed way.”

“we’re not stopping yet,” matt says without looking back.“dude,” nick deadpans, “you’re limping. she’s bleeding. chris has been muttering to the cat for twenty minutes.”

“he has a name,” chris snaps, holding whiskers tighter. “and he’s helping me emotionally process our near-death experience.” lana finally speaks. “there’s a place up ahead. small house. boarded up, but i saw it on the way in. it looked empty.” matt hesitates. eyes narrow. “you’re just now mentioning that?” she shrugs. “you didn’t ask.”

nick raises a brow. “oh, cool. i love when strangers maybe lead us into traps. very fun for me personally.” but no one has a better option, so you go. the house is small. half-swallowed by vines, windows thick with grime. the door creaks open with a sound like a dying animal. but it’s quiet. still. no fresh blood, no smell of rot. for once… it feels safe.

nick checks the back, chris sets up a sleeping spot for whiskers, and lana sits in the farthest corner, hugging her knees like she wants to disappear into them. you collapse against a wall, pressing a cloth to your leg. it stings, bad. you’re trying to hide how much it hurts, but matt notices. of course he does. he crosses the room, dropping his pack next to you without saying a word. pulls out gauze. alcohol. tape. you blink at him. “i can do it myself.”

“you shouldn’t have to,” he mutters, not meeting your eyes. and before you can argue, he’s kneeling in front of you, carefully peeling back the cloth, your breath catches. because even now, even when you’re angry and hurting and full of everything you never said.

his hands are gentle.

he doesn’t look up, just focuses on the wound. “i didn’t mean to say what i said like that.” you don’t respond. he dabs the alcohol and you flinch. he curses under his breath. “sorry.”

“why’d you say it then?” you ask, voice quiet. he pauses. tape in hand. “because,” he finally says, “you make me forget that we’re not safe. that this could all be gone in a second. and i—i can’t lose you.” you swallow. “so your solution is to push me away?” he looks up at you now. eyes dark and tired and pleading. “i’m not good at this,” he says. “but i’m trying. i want you. even if it’s stupid. even if it’s risky. i just… don’t know how to be in love and be in survival mode at the same time.”

your heart stops. “in love?”

his eyes widen just slightly. like he didn’t mean to say it. like the words slipped out before he could stop them. but he doesn’t take them back. you don’t say anything, just stare at him like the floor’s disappeared under you. he finishes taping your leg, slower now. hands lingering. breath shallow.

then, suddenly—

a crash from outside.

everyone jumps. nick swears. chris grabs a pan. lana stands, wide-eyed. you freeze. matt stands, already moving toward the window. “stay here.”

“like hell i am,” you say, following him. and when you peer through the cracked slats, your blood runs cold. figures. three of them. not undead. alive. armed. heading straight for the house.

not zombies. people.

matt turns to you, low and panicked. “we’ve got company. and not the good kind.”

“you think they saw us?” as if on cue, a voice beamed from outside.

“we know you’re in there. come out with your weapons down. you’ve got ten seconds.” everyone’s frozen. you look at matt, matt looks at you back. and all of that tension, all the fear, the love, the mess of feelings…is right there between you again. he steps closer, matt grabs your hand and holds it. “if we make it out of this,” he says, “we’re not ignoring this anymore. okay?” you squeeze his hand. “okay.” the door rattles. you all lift your weapons. outside, the countdown begins.

“ten… nine… eight…”

© delilahsturniolo

[bitchinbarzal]

The Goodbye That Wasn’t | T Meier

summary: After pushing you away to protect you, Timo realises too late that life without you is no life at all.

-

You didn’t beg him to stay.

You should have.

God, you should have.

But when Timo said it—“I think you deserve better than me”—the words hit like a punch you hadn’t braced for.

They knocked the breath out of you, and all you could do was stand there, arms wrapped around yourself, heart splintering in your chest, and watch him leave.

The door clicked shut behind him.

And with it, everything else collapsed.

You learned how to fake a smile faster than you ever thought possible. Girls’ nights. Brunches. Carefully curated posts online. You played the part of a woman who was healing, who had moved on, who wasn’t still checking her phone at midnight for a message that never came.

But the nights were the worst. Lying awake, your ceiling fan whirring uselessly above you, wondering what part of you hadn’t been enough. Wondering how long it would take to forget the shape of him beside you.

Timo had thought hockey would distract him. It didn’t.

The rink felt emptier without your face in the stands. The road trips lonelier without your sleepy goodnight texts. Even winning felt hollow, like drinking water after salt. His game was fine—good, even—but he wasn’t there. Not really. He went through the motions with the heavy weight of missing you stitched into every breath.

Playoffs came. The world shifted into the frantic, desperate energy of it.

He watched teammates meet their girlfriends and wives after wins, wide smiles and bigger kisses, whole families swarming the tunnels. He didn’t have anyone waiting for him.

He caught himself scanning the crowds sometimes, just out of habit, searching for you like a fool.

You weren’t there.

Worse—online, you looked happy.

Photos with friends, bright cocktails in hand, golden light spilling across your skin.

Sunsets captioned “healing.”

Laughing at a brunch table, head tipped back, a flash of the woman he used to make laugh like that.

Timo saw it all, and it gutted him.

He tried to tell himself this was what you deserved. Freedom. Lightness.

But there was a hollowness inside him that grew every day, gnawing at his ribs, whispering that he’d made the biggest mistake of his life.

When they lost in the second round, he didn’t even pretend to celebrate.

He sat in the empty locker room long after everyone else left, his hands still wrapped tight around his stick like it could hold him together.

There was no one to call. No one to collapse into. No one to tell him it was okay to fall apart.

That night, alone in a hotel room that smelled like defeat, Timo left you a voicemail he barely remembered recording.

“Hey. I know I’m the last person you want to hear from. I thought… I thought letting you go would protect you. Make you happier. But it didn’t make me happier. It ruined me.”

There was a hitch in his voice, the sound of someone trying not to cry and failing.

“I miss you. I miss your voice. I miss your laugh. I miss your stupid coffee order and the way you steal the covers and the way you say my name like it’s a prayer.”

“I love you. God, I love you so fucking much. Please. Please call me back.”

He didn’t expect you to.

And for two days, you didn’t.

The voicemail sat unopened in your inbox, a flashing, unbearable reminder.

You didn’t listen to it at first.

You didn’t trust yourself not to shatter completely.

But sometime around 3:00 AM, with your heart bruising your ribs, you pressed play.

And you cried harder than you had the night he left.

You never stopped loving him.

Not for a second.

Even after he broke you.

Two days later, there was a knock at your door.

You knew.

You didn’t know how, but you knew.

When you opened it, Timo stood there looking wrecked.

Baseball cap pulled low, hoodie wrinkled, sneakers scuffed.

His eyes were hollow, rimmed red from exhaustion or crying or both.

Neither of you spoke.

For a long moment, you just stared at each other, the hallway light buzzing faintly between you.

You felt it then: the love, the hurt, the grief, the staggering loneliness you had both carried.

He stepped forward first.

One broken step.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

You cracked open.

“You left,” you said, voice shaking, the tears already slipping free. “You left me when I needed you most.”

“I know.” He pressed his fists against his thighs like it physically hurt to stay still. “I thought—I thought it would save you. That you’d be better without me. And all it did was…”

He broke off, breath catching.

“It destroyed me.”

You pressed your palms into your eyes, furious at the way your body still ached for him.

“You don’t get to make that decision for me,” you said, voice raw. “I didn’t want perfect. I didn’t want easy. I wanted you.”

“I know,” he said again, voice rough. “I know. I was scared. I still am. But I’m more scared of living without you now.”

For a moment, you hated him.

You hated him for making you feel this much, for unraveling you, for still being the only place that felt like home.

And you loved him.

God help you, you still loved him.

You reached for him at the same time he reached for you, a tangle of desperation and forgiveness and fear.

He caught you against his chest, his arms banding around you so tightly you thought he might never let go again.

“I’m here,” he whispered against your hair. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t just say that,” you gasped against him. “Not if you’re going to leave the second it gets hard again.”

“I’m not leaving,” he said fiercely. He pulled back enough to cup your face, forcing you to look at him. His hands shook. His mouth trembled. His heart beat against yours.

“I’m done running. I’m done pretending I don’t need you like air.”

Tears streamed freely down your cheeks now, but you didn’t care.

You nodded, a small, broken sound scraping out of you.

You believed him.

You wanted to believe him.

You kissed him—messy and wet, full of too many emotions to name.

He kissed you back like he was memorizing it, like he knew he’d nearly lost the chance forever.

Later, tangled together on the couch where you used to binge shows and fall asleep half on top of each other, he pressed his forehead to yours, breathing you in like oxygen.

“I wanna come home,” he whispered.

You threaded your fingers through his hair, still feeling the tremble in him, still knowing how easily both of you could break again.

But this time this time you weren’t afraid.

“You are home,” you whispered back.

And this time, he stayed.

One Year Later

The arena roared around you, a deafening tidal wave of sound that rattled your bones.

But you barely noticed the noise.

Your entire world narrowed to the man skating across the ice, a grin splitting his face wide open, eyes locked on you.

Timo had just scored the tying goal.

The playoff game was hanging by a thread.

The entire season balanced on moments like this.

And still—still—he looked for you first.

He didn’t celebrate with the guys right away.

Didn’t pound the glass or beat his chest or throw his arms to the crowd.

Instead, he lifted his stick, pointed it straight at you, and tapped his heart twice.

You gasped, hand flying to your mouth.

Around you, the other WAGs and families screamed, high-fiving and hugging.

But you couldn’t move.

Couldn’t breathe.

All you could see was him.

Timo Meier.

The man who once thought he had to leave you to protect you.

The man who came back, broken and bleeding and begging.

The man who stayed.

Tears blurred your vision as he was swarmed by his teammates, laughing and shouting, dragging him into the chaos of the bench.

But you knew the truth.

You were the reason he played like that.

You were the reason he smiled like that.

You were the reason he was still fighting—not just for hockey, but for life.

When he looked at you again, slipping his helmet off, hair sweaty and messy, he mouthed three words across the rink like a promise:

“I love you.”

You pressed your fingers to your lips and mouthed them back.

“I love you too.”

And somehow, in a sea of thousands of screaming fans, it still felt like it was just you and him.

The girl who stayed.

The boy who fought his way back.

The goodbye that never really happened.

The forever that was just beginning.

[svnnw]

WHEN YOU SMILE — chapter 45

45 ) when you smile

there was no way mark would be here, right? before you could even text him back someone knocked on your door. you had hoped that it would be one of your friends that gave you a surprise visit but the chances were very low. should i just hide in my room untill he leaves? wait he knows that i'm here FUCK. the person outside the door knocked again only for you to realize that you've been waiting for way too long so you quickly pushed your thoughts away and went to the door. you slowly opened the door seeing the person you tried to avoid for the whole day. right in front of you stood mark. you took your time to admire him and noticed that he wore the same outfit a few hours ago, his hair was slightly messy and you could see a faint blush on his cheeks while he did the complete opposite and tried to avert his eyes away from you to avoid eye contact at all cost. you tried your best stay away from him but you knew that the moment he sent you that message you couldn't escape anymore.

"you know you can come in right?" you moved aside so he can enter your apartment. he was in complete awe as he walked inside. the first thing he took notice of was a small picture frame on your wall with you and your friends. being so captured by your warm home he slowly forgot the reason why he even came all the way.

"so you're here because..?" you hesitantly asked having a glimpse of hope that he had already forgotten of the whole rumor going on.

"y/n, tell me everything" out of all the things you thought he would say he came straight to the point.

"what are you talking about?" you knew exactly what he was talking about but you can always hope for a miracle to happen.

"you know exactly what i'm talking about. tell me everything about that stupid rumor. it's not true right? just please talk to me and don't go away" he really got you tearing up now. you've never had a person care this much for you. a person who is desperate for you to talk to them just so there won't be any misunderstandings. mark took notice of your eyes tearing up and he immediately cupped your face not daring to let go.

you took his hand away and intertwined it with yours while you took him away from the living room. the silence was enough for him to understand that you would start sobbing if you even uttered a word out so he just let you lead him to your room. the thirty seconds of silence felt forever but mark didn't mind it the only thing he cared about right now is you being okay.

the both of you sat down on your bed and mark stayed silent waiting for you to start talking.

"did you believe anything they said about me?" you said while looking at your lap hoping for every other answer than 'yes'.

"you know how much i trust you and that i would never believe them" you heard his voice crack and it took you everything to not start crying right in front of him.

"i'm sorry" was the only thing you could say before you felt a tear drop on your hands. mark knew you were in a vulnerable state right now so he carefully pulled you in his arms trying his best to not overwhelm you with all your emotions as he stroke your hair.

it felt embarrassing to cry without even telling him why but mark was a very understanding person and it broke his heart to see you getting hurt from people you had no contact with.

"you don't have to apologize for anything. you know how much i love you and how much trust i have for you. even if we got to know each other because of a deal we made i'm glad it was you. i know good people exist because you're one of them. i want you to only experience happy things in life and forget the sad memories. i love you y/n. not as your fake boyfriend but as me, mark."

his hand that was on top of yours started trembling and you knew he was waiting for you to reciprocate his confession. without hesitation you pulled him into a kiss. he didn't waste a second and kissed you back finally feeling your lips after dreaming about this for weeks. you only stopped kissing him for air and when you did that it made him giggle on how you chased after his lips. after your little make out session mark broke the kiss and cupped your cheeks forcing you to make eye contact with him.

"are you going to tell me when you fell in love with me?" you suddenly had to ask.

"when we played 7 minutes in heaven" mark replied.

"tell me more about it, when do you think i am the prettiest??" you eagerly asked.

"when you smile."

even after you tried to stay away from him today he took his time and went to your apartment not only to clear things up but also because he cared about you more than you could ever know. he was your true love.

masterlist – previous – next

a/n – OMGG GUYS WHAT ARE WE THINKING RN??? i had so much fun doing this smau and i will seriously miss it SO MUCH i could literally sob rn 😞😞 marky/n were such cuties and i will miss them so so much BUT luckily i will write about five bonus chapters for you guys in the next few days so we still have some moments with them NOW AS A COUPLE!!

wordcount – 0.9k

TAGLIST — open @marvelahsobx @foxy-kitsune @sunflowerbebe07 @jenmongiii @haechansbbg @defzcl @buns-inhiding @minkyuncutie @gukuwii @bugcattie @jaeims @222brainrot @axo-l0tl @pnkified @yyangj3lly @haesluvr @choerubies @m1ng1swife @odxrilove @jising-jisang-jisung @junviadinho @mjnhoz @p4tyaraujo @sunghoonsgfreal @slayhaechan @meloncremesoda @nanaxwi @sehunniepot @wouldyoulikesomefrieswiththat @multifandomania @morkiee @loonathic @softpia @nctrawberries @tommina @nosungluv @tynlvr @miniature-tragedy @alethea-moon @starfilledgaze @polarisjisung @miyawwn @kittydollzz @bitchzitschimi @syzavxy @jeongintwt @vantxx95 @onlyhyunjin @rllymark @markeroolee

[thesilmarillionblog]

𓏲 𓂃 L o s i n g Y o u

Part:𝟷𝟼

Click here to read the first part.

Summary: Everything was good as a member of Payback and Soldier Boy's secret girlfriend until the team and your relationship with him began to fall apart due to a new member and her developing relationship with Ben right in front of your eyes.

Pairing: Soldier Boy / Reader

Warnings: +18! (MINORS DNI), angst, hurt, language, mention of sexual assault (the deep, homelander)

Word Count: 5002

A/N: English is not my first language.

* This story is inspired by the song "Losing You" by Dream Evil.

You did your best to ignore Ben throughout the past week, despite the fact that you have not spoken much. Despite your immediate interruption, Ben was eager to continue his conversation with you. Furthermore, with all of the Vought business, things were becoming crazy. Not much had changed with Mindstorm, even though you and Ben continued to appear on TV every night on the news.

Ben was difficult to deal with and had a difficult personality in general. Now he was willing to get a little intimate, and he wasn't pushing you away this time, which left you confused and angry. In the past, you always pushed hard to be with him in every minute and every second, as if you were obsessed with him, even though he was occasionally distant from you when he didn't like being with you. If he had stayed as the same jerk from decades before, it would be simpler.

Actually, you were upset with yourself for allowing yourself to be affected by him. It was quite simple for him to show you compassion and behave as though he genuinely cared about you. It's highly likely that you were the most naive or stupid person to fall for him. You had admitted to him that you no longer loved him, and you weren't even ready to be honest with yourself about it. But at least you knew this: you shouldn't forget the damage that he had done to your heart since it was far more severe and strong than anything he had ever made you feel.

“Hey, it looks like you're deep in thought. Are you alright?” As you two watched a movie together, Annie asked. 

Ben, Hughie, and Butcher had gone shopping before coming back. Ben asked you to go out with them since you haven't left the house for a very long time, but even though you really wanted to go out, you refused to spend time with them, with him in fact. As much as you could hear, Frenchie and Kimiko were in their rooms playing video games.

“I wasn't,” you held your head in a mumble. “Maybe I'm just tired.”

“It seems like you're missing going out,” she said, raising an eyebrow. “You know, things may be a little rough around these places, but you wouldn't be noticed. You can take in some fresh air.”

You gave her a meek grin and lied, saying, “I'm not in the mood.” You were actually itching to leave the house and breathe some fresh oxygen. It was as though you were choosing to be in a cage. “It's better to stay here until things get a bit better at least.”

“I actually don't know if it will though, but let's hope.”

Annie went on, “By the way, I'm sorry for my attitude toward you, weeks earlier. I suppose I was a little impolite, rude, and judgmental of you.”

Her abrupt admission and apology surprised you, but it also made you feel a little better. You whispered, “It's okay; I would be meaner if I were in your shoes. I am aware that trusting someone is difficult.”

“Yeah, but I feel bad about it,” she added, looking shy and placing her hands on her legs. “I should not have treated you the same way since I know how comfortable the firm is with lying to the public about you for the sake of themselves. The things I went through while I was a member of the Seven were similarly horrible. It wasn't right to judge you right away, not when I know the dynamics between the public and the firm and how it feels.” 

Her genuineness toward you made your heart melt. “It's actually not that bad. Don't let it bother you. I'm simply relieved that you don't feel the same way about me anymore.” You asked her gently, wanting to build a connection, “What have they done to you?”

She inhaled deeply, looked around the room as if she were searching for words, and then blurted out, “I am..sexually assaulted.” 

You whispered, “Oh, god,” and supportively touched her hand. “Can I ask... who?”

“I'm not sure if you've seen him on television. The Deep,” she muttered scornfully. “And Homelander is no different than him.”

“Yes, I did see him on television. Fucking bitch fish,” you mumbled. “You mean Homelander is the same as him. Is he also..?”

“Don't tell Butcher that I told you; don't actually mention it ever, but his wife was raped by Homelander.”

Your mouth dropped open in disbelief, and you were silent for a long moment.

“That is.. horrible. I have absolutely no idea what to say.” At last, you murmured, “I can't believe Vought is full of disgusting vile men,” remembering Butcher's expression when you had questioned him about Homelander. He was quite right and had his own reason.

“Yes,” Annie said in a sour tone. “No matter how many decades have passed, Vought is still the same asshole, whether you're a Supe woman or not. In actuality, they have gotten worse.”

“Leaving them behind was the right decision, and having Hughie with you is a gift.” You mentioned their relationship in an attempt to lighten the mood. “He seems like a very gentle and kind guy,” you remarked. “It's a good thing he's not supe. He has to understand who is in charge.”

Annie blushed and laughed when you brought up her lover. “Yeah, he's unlike anyone else. He's one of the key reasons I am here. I'm happy we got to meet.”

“By the way,” she muttered in a lighthearted manner. “What about Soldier Boy and you? It's obvious there is something between you two, even if I know you're going to deny it. Do you have a friends with benefits thing?” 

Confused, you asked, “What is it?”

“Well, it's just a term for people you know who have sex but continue to be friends. You don't grow any feelings or attachments for each other. It's all about sex.”

After considering the phrase she used a moment to reflect, you finally responded, “No, no, actually we are not something like that.” Leaning back in the coach, you whispered, “It's a bit complicated, actually,” as you recalled every memory you had of him. Your cheeks heated and your heart raced as you recalled the last conversation you had with him, the time you orgasmed on top of him. 

Annie may have noticed the shift in the body and smiled slyly, “It's probably not that difficult. But I had assumed that he was with the Crimson Countess. They must have been fan favorites or something.”

Annie's mention of Crimson made you uneasy. Because Ben had chosen her over you, knowing she was gone didn't provide you any comfort. You felt awful, thinking back on those dreadful times and how badly Ben had broken your heart. It was difficult to embrace such memories. 

You murmured, “We were a thing,” and acknowledged it. “Before Countess joined Payback.”

She just exclaimed, “Oh,” in an astonished tone, after realizing what you meant. “He's a vile asshole.”

“Yeah,” was all you said. “So, we are no longer a thing. Until that situation gets solved, I'm just going to hide like this, like a submissive rat. I don't want to deal with anything, but I'm not sure what to do after. Though I sincerely hope you succeed in eliminating the Seven—especially those bastards—I no longer want to be a part of it. I hope you can understand my reasons.”

“Obviously, you don't have to participate in anything or do anything, but your strength and assistance would be really helpful. It will be simple to make amends after Homelander dies, and you'll be free. I only hope Soldier Boy can kill him off. If not, we're not even sure what to do.”

“He made a deal with Butcher and promised him to kill Homelander.” You were aware of Ben's strength, and you could not see any other Supe being able to damage or beat him. “Once he made up his mind for something, Ben never stops until he gets it done.” 

Annie responded, "That's a relief," and she smiled a little. "Hey, let's not miss the movie," she murmured, gazing at the TV.

You nodded and offered her a feeble smile. You quickly grabbed your phone off the pillow when you noticed a notification, glancing at Annie as she got back to eating popcorn and watching TV.

Naturally, it was Ben who sent the message.

“?Do you need something????”

How considerate.

After giving Annie one more look, you leaned back on the coach to take up a more comfortable position.

You typed, “No.” after giving it some thought and then waited for another notification.

He was typing, typing, typing and typing.. It was taking taking him to write something for so long you got frustrated at some point. Then you finally got another notification.

“?Sure?????”

Asshole. Instead of punching your phone, you took a long breath. Although you were itching to argue with him over the phone, you tried to divert your attention to the movie Annie was watching.

You received another notification almost five minutes later. Ben had sent a blinking eye emoji. It seemed as though he was aware of how angry you were at the moment. You let out an irate sigh, grabbed your phone, and informed Annie that you would be in your room.

With a sense of relief that your period had finally ended, you took a shower. Ben knocked on your door, which was already open, and you made a tiny sound to let him in just as you were getting out of the shower, wrapped in a short towel. 

“Hey,” he remarked in a low voice, clearing his throat and quickly shutting the door to ensure that no one would see you half naked and wet. Ben went straight to your room after learning that Annie and Hughie would be staying tonight. It surprised you that he didn't argue with them about his bedroom. “Why is your door open all the time? Someone might have saw you; you're almost naked.”

As you kept using the towel to dry your hair, you rolled your eyes at him. “If someone was watching me, I'd known it, Ben.”

“And,” you said as you raised an eyebrow. “Someone is already watching.”

Ben inhaled deeply as he searched for a way to express how you had managed to rile him up. Okay,.

“It's not the same,” he asserted in a quiet yet assured tone as he observed you discarding the towel you used to dry your hair on the bed and opening the wardrobe to find something to wear. “And why didn't you text me back?”

You muttered, “Tell me how it's different.” and glanced at him as he approached cautiously, his fingertips resting on the furniture. “And well, because I was busy.”

“You already know why,” he remarked, licking his lips as he kept examining your body. Refusing to remember your orgasm on top of him while you were just getting your period was making him hard. Considering that you had never had a period while being together for a considerable amount of time, he questioned why you would now be getting one after all this time. 

You merely replied, “No, I don't know,” hoping to provoke him just a little bit. 

He continued shamelessly, “We fucked and still get off together; that's why, baby,” and you blushed. “Though we are not very active compared to the past, which is upsetting of course.” 

You opened your lips to deny and dispute with him, but you stopped yourself after taking a deep breath. You knew he would try hard to make your cheeks blush even more. 

You found a t-shirt and some underwear, which you put on the bed while you shut the wardrobe. At last, you were able to remember Annie's comments and say, “We were friends with benefits.” 

If you were the same person today, you would actually detest the idea, but since you are more grounded in reality, you can accept the circumstances as they are. In contrast to you, he had never developed feelings for you, which proved Annie. 

“What the hell is that?” Ben asked in an angry tone. He thought your statement sounded terrible and didn't like it at all. Ben sat on your bed as you hurriedly put on your t-shirt and underwear. Ben's hard look on your bare back was palpable. 

“It means engaging in sexual activity without developing an emotional bond. You maintain your friendship while having sex nevertheless.” You essentially gave him an explanation of it as though you'd known about it for a long time. “Getting off together is included.” 

Ben winced as you described the most idiotic and stupid type of relationship as though it were the most ordinary thing imaginable. “Who taught you such stupid stuff?” He asked furiously, unable to help but feel irritated that you weren't bothered by it. 

“Annie told me about it.”

Ben groaned as he removed his shoes and lay down on your bed. “It's not shocking that an ignorant woman is bombarding your thoughts with modern nonsense. I should have known only she could say such a stupid fucking thing. That must be her relationship with Hughie. Fuck, it's not shocking that he can't open his mouth while he is with her. What a fucking weak pussy.”

“Oh, god, don't talk about them in this way. Ben, they have a connection, a real one, a healthy one,” you murmured as he spoke in the most irritating tone imaginable. It was annoying that he didn't even take into account the nature of your previous relationship. “For the record, he is not concealing his relationship with Annie and vice versa. She really did walk out of the Seven. The company most likely had no approval of their relationship.”

“Touché,” he replied, observing your face fall as you sat on the bed and cast a dejected glance in his direction. He continued, “But our relationship was... health too,” when you turned away from him and lay down in bed.

You mumbled, “Sure,” and settled up in bed as comfortably as possible. Ben's huge and strong body was covering the majority of already limited space. It took a lot of work to stay away from him. 

Ben sighed as he watched your back longingly and heard your slow, deep breathing, as if you were holding back all you wanted to say. He was prepared to start over, make adjustments, and put things right even though he knew he deserved your attitude and that it would be preferable to push them beneath the debris, but he wanted you back so badly.

Ben finally murmured, “I care about you,” struggling to find the right words. “Very much.”

Ben tried to tell you how he felt, but it was difficult because you were constantly pushing him away. 

You quickly turned to face him since you didn't want to look at the walls any longer. “Did you care about me when you fucked Countess?” 

“Oh god, I didn't even fuck her,” he exclaimed harshly as soon as you brought up the redhead wily bitch. Because Stan Edgar was causing so much trouble, he should have killed him. 

When he revealed that he hadn't fucked Crimson before, you gasped. You just kept staring at him in bewilderment and surprise, as though you were about to dispute with him. You managed to whisper, “Liar,” not sure if he was telling you the truth or not. 

With an upset voice, he added, “Fuck, I'm not lying,” and he placed his right hand under his head. “I was told to have a relationship with her for the media by Stan fucking Edgar. Son of a bitch.” 

Ben was telling you the truth, and you could tell by the look in his eyes. You had no idea what to say at all because he was acting so very serious right now. You always assumed they were going all the way since they were always kissing when they were together and posing for pictures with the media. 

“Why didn't you tell me this before?” you asked, glancing out the window behind you as Ben hesitated. 

“I know, it's still unfair,” Ben said, attempting, though he was never very successful, to express himself. “I wasn't fair to you. You remain the last woman I have touched, even after all this time. I'm not sure if that means anything now. That's all I need you to know.”

You mumbled, “It's still cheating, Ben.” After his admission regarding Crimson, words were difficult to come by. You didn't want to admit it, but it did feel a bit better knowing he didn't touch Crimson Countess.

Ben opened his mouth to deny it, but then he sighed as he saw your look, which was a mix of disappointment and sorrow. There was no turning back to undo the damage he had done. What was done was done. He only hoped he could figure out a way to get your love back the way it used to be—with all of your devotion, passion, honesty, and loyalty. 

You asked gently, almost in a desperate tone that would make you loathe yourself, “Why did you leave me?”

As he saw how vulnerable you were, Ben softened his gaze and shifted positions in the bed, hesitantly moving closer to your face. Thankfully, you didn't even flinch, instead looking at him expectantly, as if you were ready to forgive him and let everything go. But he was aware that you were not yet prepared for that. You needed time, and he could give you everything you needed.

Ben found it difficult to speak as his fingers gently traced your hand. When he finally confessed, “Stan Edgar knew our relationship,” he was unwilling to tell you how much he was mistaken about you and how manipulating he was about you at the time.

You asked gently, “Did he want you to be with Crimson?” as if you understood him. 

It wasn't necessary for you to know how Stan Edgar found out about you. It would be shocking if Stan was unaware of you and Ben during the final months of your relationship because you two were acting quite recklessly. 

“Yeah,” he responded simply, meeting your eyes with his darkened ones. He seemed ready to act as he continued to study your wet lips and hair. 

His face continued to inch closer to yours as his one hand traced around yours, but you remained motionless. He was cautiously gauging your response every second. 

You mumbled, “Yet,” unable to stop your heart from racing when he was that close. “I don't want to love you ever again.”

With a groan, his soft lips found yours before you could even finish your sentence, and you were left wondering who started the kiss first.

When he eventually realized you had kissed him back, even if it seemed like your kisses were doubtful and ghostly, his hard and tight hands on yours loosened. His tongue slipped into your mouth as he noticed you were willing to go one step further, intensifying the kisses.

When your hands came to rest on his thick beard, it was unclear who was moaning more loudly in the other's mouth. The way he kissed you was different from the other kisses you shared; it was more intimate, but there was still this passion. Perhaps it was because it had been too long.

This time, Ben's hands weren't as strong or harsh; instead, they were surprisingly patient, understanding, and caring.

Your hands stopped behind his thick neck and slid to his powerful and warm chest, and he slowly pushed you against the pillow and went on top of you, making sure everything was done correctly and that you were completely alright with it.

For a brief time, you withdrew yourself to catch your breath while your hands lingered around his clothed chest, perhaps in anticipation of his response. As you both gasped deeply, his swollen lips waited on yours. You both gave a loud groan as soon as he pressed his hardness between your legs. Your legs involuntarily spread a little to give him space to move, and your heart began to race.

His lips were waiting on yours as his hands were fisted in the blankets, but he wasn't kissing you as if he were savoring this private time. He remained motionless and patient as you lifted your hips in an attempt to create friction.

He pulled his hips back, and before you could complain, he smacked his clothed hardness between your legs, causing you to gasp and grab onto his back with your fingers, holding onto his t-shirt. He went above you, but he didn't keep kissing you; instead, you were only touching lips and quietly moaning at one another's mouths. 

With a grumble, he pulled back his hips and gave your covered pussy another firm stroke. “Do you like this?” he asked as he repeated the movement.

Rather than responding verbally, you nodded in agreement and waited for him to continue. 

Ben stopped moving, gave you the command, “Tell me,” and waited on top of you.

You elevated your hips to create the same friction once more and muttered, “Yes,” weakly.

Your body needed to relax even though you weren't sure if you were ready for sex. Ben and his supe hearings have recently made your fingers unfamiliar with your pussy.

With one hand slipping under your t-shirt and his eyes fixed intently on you, he repeated, “Do you need me to make you come?”

Ben's hands carefully lifted your t-shirt. When your tits were exposed to his sight, he ran his fingers over one of your nipples, which made you gasp. 

He observed you intently, picking up on every facial emotion you made as he caressed your nipple. 

With a rough voice, he said, “You like it when I play with your tits, don't you?” Taking pleasure in watching you try to get some friction from his hardness by desperately lifting your hips to meet his. He was aware of your precise needs. “If you tell me to suck your nipple, I will.”

You gave him a quiet sigh into his mouth and pleaded with him with your eyes. He was enjoying seeing you like this, at his mercy. He knew exactly what you wanted. Even though Ben didn't do anything at all, you felt so close, even if it was difficult to force yourself to come. Being that near to him and tense while he was merely fiddling with your tits was embarrassingly good. 

“Tell me, baby.” You gasped in delight as he said, “I'll do anything you want,” and put his thumb to your hardened nipple. 

Please,” you eventually pleaded, desperately staring into his eyes. 

Ben sighed, grinned a little, lowered his head to rest on your body, kissed your breast, and started to suck so hard your entire body shook with ecstasy. Your hips lifted in anticipation as your fingers closed on his hair, forcing his head against your tits even more.

The sounds of wetness flooding the room as Ben was moaning around your nipple was filthy. As he played with your nipple with his tongue and licked it, his other hand gave you a hard squeeze, and you felt your walls tighten.

“Oh, Ben,” you let out a loud cry. He groaned loudly in delight as you pulled his messy hair. Your face reddened, and your heart began to rush rapidly.

This time you groaned in protest when he withdrew. You gasped sharply, leaving you on edge with burning cheeks as you glanced at Ben. Your fingers trembled in his hair.

Ben smiled at you because he could see you were desperate for him to continue, and he could also smell your swollen, aroused pussy leaking under your underwear.

With a quick sigh, he exclaimed, “Let me go down on you,” causing your eyes to widen. “I fucking need you to cum in my mouth so bad right now.”

His suggestion made you feel so shy that you released your grip on his hair and put your hands on his chest. 

You said, “But we... didn't do such thing before,” unsure of if he was really willing or not.

As he adjusted your t-shirt as he added, “I know, I know, that's my fault,” and then his fingers stopped on your underwear. “That's something I need to fix immediately.”

He kissed you firmly on the lips after noticing your hesitant and bashful expression and waited for you to answer. “Let me make you come.” 

You nodded briefly to him after a while and anxiously awaited his next move. You were a little anxious since you didn't know if he would really want it or would back out in the middle because he hadn't gone down on you before. 

Between kisses, Ben leaned down on your body and murmured, “Look at me,” causing you to gasp in shock as he planted a wet kiss on your covered pussy. You couldn't decide if his touch was making you too sensitive or too responsive. It felt like there was a lot of leaking beneath your underwear. 

He placed your legs on his shoulder and pulled your panties aside, revealing your wet pussy to his eyes and making you flinch for a moment while you continued to stare at him with flushed cheeks.

Excitedly, you put your hands on the sheets and waited for him to continue.

Before you could react, his warm lips reached your pussy lips. You gasped and tried to move your hips, but he stilled your body as he proceeded to kiss your clit. “Fuck, I missed your beautiful little wet cunt so much,” he muttered.

Ben's balls were hurting and his thick cock was twitching beneath his boxers, but he did his best not to remove it and stroke himself while he used his lips to fuck your swollen pussy. Now, your needs took priority.

Ben began to suck your pussy with a full tongue as you squeezed your lips together and clenched your hands into fists. You tried to shift your legs away from his shoulders, but he stopped you right away and sucked harder.

You let out a loud gasp as your hands found his hair and pulled his head closer, pressing it even closer to your pussy, just as Ben suddenly pressed his tongue into your hole. For an instant, you sensed his lips curled around your pussy, and he proceeded to fuck you with his tongue. Your voice was shaky as you began to murmur his name, your back arched.

Your legs trembled on his shoulders as he waited for your cum to fill his lips, pressing his tongue even farther into your hole. You began to cum into his mouth with a loud moan, unable to hold back yourself any longer. You were under so much pressure in that instant that you were about to cry for two reasons: excitement and embarrassment at not being able to contain yourself for even two minutes. You were unsure of the previous time your climax had struck so strongly.

You tried to push his head away from your body and adjust yourself, but he held you firmly and let you ride your orgasm into his mouth to the very end. “I'm sorry,” you muttered in a panicked and embarrassed manner. 

He planted a hard kiss on your clit, cleaned you off with his mouth, and adjusted your underwear when your orgasm subsided and felt too sensitive. 

“You taste so fucking sweet, I should have done this sooner,” he remarked, kissing your forehead for a long time after licking his lips. Though Ben's cock was hurting under his sweatpants and he was extremely hard, he knew that his desires could wait and that this wasn't the exact moment. 

While Ben's hands waited on the both side of your belly softly, you made a move to get rid of him, but he gently stopped you, saying playfully, “Hey, wait wait, what about a pillow talk?”

“I need to clean myself,” you murmured weakly, still feeling shy for letting yourself go in his mouth without a warning and too soon.

“I've already cleaned you up good, baby. You don't have to be worried about that.” He waited on top of you, with a smile on his face. Both of your hearts were still racing.

“Sorry,” you muttered shyly. “I didn't- couldn't warn you.”

“Come on,” Ben exclaimed, grinning broadly and sincerely. “I already tried to make you cum in my mouth. You did incredibly well. That's something I can do every night.”

He moved both of your bodies in the bed when you stopped moving beneath him. Without a word, you turned your back on him before he could embrace you. 

Ben moved to get close to you and held you in his powerful arms despite the bed's small size. You weren't strong enough to be hurt again, but your heart melted when his hands paused on your stomach and he hissed again behind your head. 

Knowing that his compassion was always accompanied by cruelty, you answered, "That doesn't make a difference, Ben. I still don't want to love you." 

Rather than responding to you straight away, he took a big breath, gripped your body tightly, and said, "I know."

Next Chapter

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A/N: I hope we are good so far.. Comments and reblogs are very appreciated. They keep me going. ^.^

Taglist: @mostlymarvelgirl @xmariakx @spnfamily-j2 @suspicious-stain-in-spain @atomicsoulcollecto @yvonneeeeeeee @starryperson @mfnqueen1 @chaand-sitara @boywivlove @stilinskisthings @brynanna @delaynew @yoyoanaria @n-o-p-e-never @ghostslillady @deans-spinster-witch @demodemo909 @stoneyggirl2 @cheynovak @libby99hb @moneyburner   @purplerosequartz @simpin4pixels @deebris @spideybv28 @mystic-mara @tranquilty @winchesterwild78 @jennifer0305 @ultraviolencexs @thecutestaaakawaii @justtnat @babythe67chevy @ashy-kit @ninii-winchester

@anna6307 @hey-there0-0 @shadowghoul2525 @darkqueen1995 @multifandomdiva @certifiedhaters @jenn-777q

[sulumuns-dootah]

Your work inspires me so much!! If its ok, could i request something…? I´m in need of some angsty headcanons, since i dreamed about this particular scenario… How would the kings (who are deeply in love) react after discovering that his beloved MC is madly in love with one of their most faithful subordinates? MC has rejected their romantic advances before, but they are only now realizing why… And that… Hurts. I imagine would be Satan-Sitri, Beel-Bael, Levi-Foras, Mammon-Bimet?, Luci-Marbas? (my heart can't do this with Gami, its his little broo), and Belph-Beleth. Sorry if my english is bad, but thank you so much for your hard work!

WHB kings reaction to their crush liking someone else

⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 

A/N: Aw, thank you and dw your english is good! ^^

Warning: Some of these get a bit yandere :)

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Well, Satan is seeing red

He's unable to look at Sitri the same

In doing so he spends more time with Amy, which makes Sitri mad

The two eventually end up having an argument about it and if you haven't told Sitri yet, he's in for another shock

Being the good king he is, he won't stand in your relationship as long as you hide it in front of him

If he sees you two together without leaving a space for Jesus, one of you is getting kicked across the whole Hell

Also to add onto the angst: his visits to pubs and heavy drinking get more frequent

At some point it gets so bad that the smell of alcohol just carries with him, but his mind is still sound enough to be a king

       ༺☆༻

Oh...

Well, this is a first

Wanting something, but he can't have it?

So this is what it's like to be a common peasant

Mammon hates the feeling of that

He would never hurt you, you're his master and you're free to do what you want

Still, that doesn't mean that Bimet won't feel the sting of it

So Mammon gives him less and less change

Bet you feel stupid now, since Bimet has barely any money

Oh, and look... Mammon just so happens to be very hot and fanning himself with a stack of money

Care for a 5* hotel stay at the most expensive spa in all of Hell?

       ༺☆༻

Full Yandere mode

What, did you expect anything less from the king of Envy?

How foolish you are, really...

Leviathan gets commisioned a golden cage that's installed into his bedroom and that's where you stay

If you try to escape too many times, he'll even go as far as chaining you to the metal construction

For extra security, while he's away, there's at least five of his servants guarding you

If you're to go somewhere, it's only with Leviathan himself

Even Barbatos and Glasyalabolas can't be trusted

Oh, and Foras? He's lucky to even be alive

Anytime they cross paths in the halls, he's hanging from the cieling in a matter of seconds and isn't let go until he's passed out from the lack of oxygen

       ༺☆༻

Ahahah, nope

That doesn't stop Beel

No, he dosen't even acknowledge the fact

You're his

Bael? You fell for him while he was dressed up as Beel and now you're just confused, silly Y/N.

Is he gaslighting you or himself? Kinda both, actually

Poor Bael is just witnessing the whole thing and can't do anything about it

Beel is just an unstoppable force and nothing can change his mind

It's probably best to just let him forget about his feelings towards you

Let's hope that'll happen within your lifetime, otherwise youv'e got a stalker that defies all natural and supernatural laws

       ༺☆༻

Now, Belphie might be asleep most of the time, but that still doesn't mean you get to just run around and wanna be with anyone else

Oh, it's Beleth you're into?

Hm, looks like Belphie has to have a lengthy talk with him about it then

Since he hates long convos, it has to be short, sweet and straight to the point

And that's how Beleth finds himself smothered by the king's power as he's practically threatening to make him evaporate if he doesn't back off from you and reject all your advances

(Actually, you can still be in relationship with Beleth outside of the king's palace, but if Belphie finds out from someone else or smells your scent on Beleth, you're both gone)

       ༺☆༻

Lucifer tries to be as mature as possible, but there's still this jealousy gnawing on him from the inside

Asks Buer to help him with some meditation and breathing excercises to chase away his feelings and the thoughts

As one of the Seraphims, he had to learn to share God's love and this comes in handy

Actualy, what's wrong with having more than one partner? This is Hell, afterall...

The rest of his nobles know not to bring up you or Marbas in the same sentence or even the same context

Luci, being the demon of pride and all, firmly believes, that your feelings for Marbas are just temporary and soon you'll come to realise which demon is superior to that sex-crazed maniac

If things take a little too long for his liking, however, he's not against serving you a special type of tea strained through his underwear to speed things up

But don't worry, he's doing this for your own good :)

[yanderestarangel]

"My heart belongs to you alone..."

TW: insecurities, jealousy, reader has trust issues, make-up sex, dom!bi han, praise, v!sex, ftm reader, rough sex, smut, little angst, afab anatomy.

⸺ Your insecurity was never new to him, however, Bi Han didn't really understand why you doubted his conduct and fidelity, but he was an understanding man, who loved you and understood that certain aspects would have to be worked on in your core - From past relationships, he was proud of you and even if he didn't say it verbally, his heart cried out for every piece of you... However, not even the cyromancer's solid passion and love stopped you from feeling hurt and insecure again.

Your jealousy and doubts were so visible that it even hurt, especially when you saw several people - new ninja recruits - trying to flirt with the grandmaster, you tried to control yourself, tried to control that underlying sadness that was trying to climb back into your mind and dope your senses...

But it was too late, especially when I saw some of them whispering about how much they wanted to sleep with their man. Bi Han wasn't stupid and he knew they were trying to flirt with him, he wanted to be a polite leader but that disgusted him, especially because he said several times that you were his partner, but it didn't help and it was too much for you to bear - when he realized you had already left for home which led him to cancel the rest of the training for the next day and go run after you, you were his number one priority.

⸺ Your body was lying on the bed, wrapped like a snail in several sheets, while the copious crying was audible, sub zero was a patient man... But at that moment, he knew that words wouldn't help enough, so he decided to act, act in the best way you could think of - taking the sheets off you with a quick movement, and forcing you to look deep into his eyes, "-Look at me." he ordered sternly, your eyes boring into his, seeking understanding.

"-Do you really believe that I would betray you like that?" His tone softened slightly. "-I chose you because you make me feel alive again. Because you bring light back to my dark world. Do you understand?" This time, he didn't even wait for a response from you, forcefully tearing any fabric that still prevented him from seeing your pretty pussy in his hungry eyes.

You babbled incoherent thoughts to him, letting your insecurities speak louder, which made Bi Han angry. With a violent movement of his hips, he buried himself completely inside you, moaning deeply as he did so - He gave you a light armbar on your neck - reaching down, he slapped your ass hard enough to make you scream before returning to his merciless pace.

Bi-Han grew in frustration, seeing you continue crying because you were insecure, but he held you in place, even if painfully, his cock throbbing against your cunt. "-You know that's not true baby boy...," he snarled, his free hand reaching between your legs to roughly rub your clit through - He began to thrust faster, harder than before, asserting his dominance over you both physically and emotionally.

His pace didn't slow down even as tears continued to trickle down your cheeks, staining the sheets beneath you. "-Listen to me boy." he commanded between heavy breaths. "-I choose you every fucking time. No matter what anyone else says or thinks, it doesn't change how I feel about you." His pace didn't falter, if anything, it intensified.

His hips bucked faster, harder, driving him deeper into your tight channel. Your moans turned into high-pitched whimpers, muffled by the hold on your throat. "-You are beautiful," he growled, his voice hoarse with need. "-Oh- So fucking beautiful... How could I change you? How could I leave you for someone else- You are my husband, goddamnit! And don't you dare forget it!" As he spoke, he began to thrust deeper and harder, pounding into you relentlessly.

The combination of pleasure and pain was overwhelming, causing new tears to well up in your eyes. But despite the carnal and mental pain, something inside you calmed down and you relaxed a little, as you looked directly into his eyes - He moaned deeply, leaning down to capture your lips in a messy kiss. "-That's a good boy... Cum, cum for me, my angel." Sub-zero groaned deeply, his cock twitching violently inside you as your orgasm washed over him - he followed suit seconds later, filling your pussy with hot cum.

His hips continued to rock back and forth for a few moments before he finally released his hold on your throat, allowing you to gasp for air - panting heavily, he turned to look at you, you both sweaty bodies intertwined in a mess of flesh and fluids. "-That was... intense," he managed between heavy breaths. "-But I think we both needed that... Never forget that I love you... never despise yourself again, I love you, I fucking love you."

©YANDERESTARANGEL 2023

[geonwooz]

♡ ARGUMENTS WITH HONG WOOJIN + KIM GUNWOO

bf!woojin + bf!gunwoo x reader | wc : 0.9k words | content : possible grammar and spelling mistakes, lowercase intended, major angst, established relationship, mentions of arguments, mentions of food, swearing, crying | request : hello. i was wondering if you could write something about an argument with hong woojin. maybe a headcanon or a scenario, whichever you prefer. thanks ^^ + your writing is so good 😭😭😭 please do how they would react to getting in a argument for the first time!!! have a nice dayyyy

“baby, i’m home! i’m sorry i was late. gunwoo was hungry, so we went–”

woojin’s words fizzled out, a string of curses leaving his lips ever-so-softly as his gaze landed on the dining table.

his favorite foods were prettily plated, practically covering the table with how much food there was.

the cinnamon-scented candles he loved were lit across the room, making his heart melt because he knew how much you didn’t like them but still used them for him.

the curses only continued when his eyes fell on you, seeing the way you had fallen asleep while waiting for him.

you wore one of his hoodies over the red dress he bought for you, having opted for comfort to huddle on the sofa while you waited for his arrival.

his heart fell as he saw the tear stains on your face, realising you had cried. i’m fucking stupid. what have i done? he wondered as he looked at you, not knowing what to do.

broken between waking you up and carrying you to bed, woojin chose the former, not wanting you to go to bed without eating anything.

“y/n, my love...” he softly called, pulling you out of your drowsy state. “hey–”

your gaze set into a glare as you saw your boyfriend, shaking his hand off you.

your attempt to hide away in your room failed when woojin held onto your arm, pulling you closer to him.

“let me go.” your voice was barely audible, afraid it’d crack if you were to yell. “i want to be alone right now, woojin.”

“i-i know i messed up, babe.” he sighed, dragging his hands over his face. “i’m really sorry, and i promise i’ll make it up to you. let’s have dinner and talk, okay? please–”

you pulled your hand away from his grasp, twisting it free. “i’m tired of your apologies, woojin. every single time, it’s the same story. you forget, you apologise, and you expect me to forgive you,” you cried, the tears running down your face.

woojin stayed quiet, not knowing how to make things right. it was true. he was always forgetful of things, and it affected your relationship at times. he took a deep breath, seeing the way you cried harder at his silence.

“i went to my graduation alone. i went to your aunt’s restaurant's opening alone. you stood me up on our dates several times. it was just me doing things couples do for half of our relationship, and i never said anything!”

“y/n, truly, i am–”

“don't say you are sorry if you don't mean it, woojin.” you shook your head. “because if you really cared, you would've remembered that today was our three-year anniversary.”

you wiped away your tears, taking a deep breath before turning on your heel. you walked to your room, shutting the door behind you so you could break down in peace.

woojin sat outside, leaning against the door. he felt his heart break as he heard your pained sobs, realizing he fucked up majorly this time around.

even though he knew he didn't deserve someone as caring and patient as you, hong woojin wasn't going to stop until he did everything in his power to gain your trust back again.

“jagiya, seriously. it’s nothing. don’t worry about it, okay? i’m fine.”

gunwoo assured, knowing he was going to have a hard time convincing you with his words as he saw your frown.

you crossed your arms over your chest, taking a deep breath. “it’s not boxing season, woo. bruises i can brush off, but those cuts i cannot. what’s going on?” you asked, trying your best not to raise your voice.

“don’t worry about it, really, jagiya. please.”

“fine. if you won’t answer my questions, then i won’t ask any.”

gunwoo’s brows furrowed, skeptical of your sudden change in response. he waited for you to continue, but you simply walked away, leaving him even more confused.

he didn’t want to leave you in the dark like this. he really didn’t.

but when president choi made him promise not to tell you anything, especially considering you were his granddaughter, gunwoo really had no choice but to keep quiet about his work.

as he stood in the middle of the room, occupied by his thoughts, gunwoo was pulled out of his trance when you walked out of your room, pulling along with you a suitcase.

“jagiya, what’s this?” his voice was an octave lower, brows raised as he looked between you and your luggage. “you aren’t really leaving, are you?”

you kept quiet, not even having the courage to look at his face. you knew you’d crumble down into tears the second you saw his face, and it’d definitely result in both of you crying.

“y/n … please. talk to me.”

“if you aren’t answering my questions, kim gunwoo-ssi,” you stated, making him wince at how you used his full name. “i don’t think i’d have to answer yours either.”

gunwoo watched you walk out of your shared apartment, tears filling his eyes as he fisted his hands by his side.

he wanted to run after you; he wanted to tell you the truth; he wanted you to stay.

but the reason he was hiding everything from you was for your own safety. he promised your grandfather he’d keep you safe no matter what.

and if keeping you safe meant letting you go, kim gunwoo would do so — even if it resulted in the two of you getting heartbroken in the process.

TAGLIST :: @missscarlettangel (TO BE ADDED, PLEASE COMMENT, SEND AN ASK OR DM!)

[samkerrworshipper]

togetherness

matilda’s x reader

this one’s a long one so rip

also pls keep sending request lol i need ideas

your a rookie on the squad, struggling to find your footing in a team that you don’t think you fit into. what happens when a certain conflict arises between you and one of your teammates?

angst, little bit of fluff, 5k+ words

I couldn’t really give you a timeline on when I started to space out, when I started to check out. I knew chronologically it would have had to be a few weeks ago, after the world cup had started, just after my whole life had become a shit storm. It was a process, checking out of your own life, it took time, I think that’s why I couldn’t tell you the one moment that I started to, because there wasn’t an exact moment. Slowly the days just all start to smudge into one big mess, you can’t tell people what day it is anymore or when your last meal was. Which sounds stupid, because those are just mundane things. When you check out of life though those things stop mattering, for me I either sleep obtusely or I don’t sleep at all, I don’t eat, I forget how to look after myself. I try to be discreet about it for as long as I can, but eventually people catch on, especially when you are playing professional sport, because you are surrounded by doctors and athletes that know the signs of burnout.

At around two weeks, I think, I could tell my team was catching onto my behaviour. I was a mess, I came to breakfast in the morning with puffy red eyes from crying at night, I didn’t really talk to anyone unless I had to, I was always tired, I kept to myself a little bit too much. It was a matter of time until I was approached, probably told off for having a shitty attitude. I had predicted that, expected it. What I hadn’t expected was to be pretty much cornered in my locker before training by our team captain, Sam Kerr.

As one of the youngest on the team it was safe to say that I was pretty much terrified of our skipper. Not that Sam was a scary person, she was lovely, considerate to a fault. But she was terrifying in a sense that we all knew heading into the world cup she had one ambition and that was to win at home, at all costs. That’s a little bit intimidating, especially when you know that she is prepared to hand you your ass on a silver platter if you do absolutely anything to jeopardise that ambition.

I’d been sitting in my cubby, lacing my cleats up. Both of my airpods in, hoodie on, tracksuit on, puffer jacket hood on. If I didn’t scream unapproachable I don’t know what did. I’d been sitting there a little bit too long I think, staring at my shoe lace for a little bit long, long enough for someone to point me out to Sam. I’d gotten the fright of my life when Sam’s hand had very gently connected with my shoulder. I’d flinched back almost immediately, before turning around and realising where the contact had come from. Sam looked a little bit offended by my sudden reaction to her touch, but the concern left her facial expression fairly quickly.

“Are you okay kid?”

I hated that question. Three words that drove me insane. I don’t think anyone ever answered that question honestly, because it was so blunt. How were you supposed to honestly answer a person you didn’t trust with the answer to the question.

I pulled my airpods out of my ears purely out of respect, even though I could hear Sam perfectly clear.

“Fine, Cap.”

I thought my words would have been enough of an indicator that I didn’t want to talk to her but she’d taken it as an invitation instead to sit down on the bench beside me.

“You don’t look fine.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, hard enough to draw blood, and focused on completing the task of lacing up my cleats.

“Well I am.”

My answers were short and snappy, closed off. They didn’t leave room for imagination or interpretation. I was a blunt person, I spoke bluntly, I reacted to things bluntly. I’d always been that way and I was pretty sure I’d never change.

“Do you want to talk about it? Because I’m here for you.”

I gulped and finished tying up my first cleat, moving on to pulling the second one over my sock covered left foot. I always put the left one on first, it had become routine for me, that was how I’d tied them before I’d won my first game and I’d stuck with it, it was a superstition that I’d never been able to break and I didn’t see why I should break it now.

“I don’t have anything I need to talk to you about.”

My voice was betraying me, my voice and my eyes. I knew Sam would pick up on my aversion to looking at her in the eyes. I could blame it on focusing on tying up my shoes but she was also sitting directly above them and every time I lifted my eyes I just happened to focus on the wall behind her instead.

“Doesn’t seem that way, Ellie told me that she’s heard you crying in your ensuite at night, she says you don’t sleep very much, which I think your under eyes are enough supporting evidence.”

I let my eyes drift over to Ellie, she was standing on the complete opposite side of the locker rooms, talking anxiously to Kyra and Hailey. As soon as she looked up and met my eyes I could tell that Sam’s approach to me had been driven by her, the anxious look in her eyes was enough of a giveaway.

“Ellie doesn’t know what she’s talking about, the girl talks in her sleep most of the time or she’s on the phone to her girlfriend, I don’t think she’d be able to recall my night time activities.”

I focused back in on my cleats, knotting them furiously with my hands that I had now realised were shaking.

“She seemed to have a pretty good idea, we’ve all seen you’ve been checked out recently. I get if you don’t want to talk about it now around the girls. You seem to be having a bad day. So how about you get yourself through training and then you and I have a chat in private?”

It was phrased as a question but nothing about how she’d said the words came out as a proposition, it was an order. I would have tried to object but I knew it would be useless, Sam had made her mind up and once Sam had made up her mind there was no changing it.

“Sounds good skipper.”

My voice was nothing but dripping with sarcasm, it was my only way of pushing out my very clear distaste with the idea of having to talk to Sam after training. As soon as Sam stood up and I’d checked that both of my cleats were on properly I marched right over to Ellie, pulling her away from the conversation she was in and back over to my locker.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are but telling on me to cap isn’t going to get you fucking brownie points with me, we aren’t friends Ellie, we’re not sleepover buddies. I am working tooth and nail here to be fucking respected and I just got a proper emotional dressing down from Kerr that was pretty much just her telling me that I needed to get my act together. If that doesn’t scream out not fucking respected than I don’t know what does.”

I watched all of the colour drain from Ellie’s face as she slowly became far more uncomfortable in the conversation. She wasn’t backing down though.

“I don’t know what fucking planet you are on y/n/n but we are just looking out for you. I hear you at night in the bathroom, sobbing and balling your eyes out. That doesn’t scream out okay to me. Sam wasn’t giving you a dressing down she was asking you if you were fucking okay, something that we’ve all wanted to do for a few weeks now, we were just all scared to because we thought you were going to rip our heads off, like you are doing to me right now. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about you right now because how you’ve been behaving as of late isn’t fucking normal and anybody in there right mind would be worried about you.”

Ellie and I’s argument had escalated enough that I could tell most of the locker room's attention had fallen to our heated conversation, neither of us were ready to back down though and that much was evident in how strong both of our glares at each other held.

“Fuck you, you aren’t the person who gets to decide whether or not I’m okay or not. So what if I’ve been keeping to myself? Maybe I needed some down time away from this fucking extroverted team that never gives me a fucking break.”

It was a personal dig, one that I had said far too loudly in a crowded room of girls that I actually really loved, it had been like word vomit though, getting thrown out in me and Ellie’s fight.

“That’s not fair and you know it, all anybody here has done is be nice to you and you’ve been a fucking dick to everyone for the last few weeks, it’s not normal. You were so happy at training camp but ever since we’ve gotten here you’ve lost your shit and it’s fucking pathetic because we are your team and family and you should trust us more than anybody else but you don’t you don’t give two shits about anybody here besides yourself and we can all see it. It’s embarrassing having your represent us in your current condition. Your a wreck. You didn’t deserve to be brought up from the under 20’s. Maybe if you spent less time in our bathroom at nighttime crying about how hard your sorry ass life was you’d realise there are people and things on earth that are more fucking important than you are.”

Ellie’s words had taken the air out of my lungs, it wasn’t what I’d expected and even her facial expression reflected that she was a little bit taken aback by her own words. They were personal, really personal. I blinked a few times, trying to get a footing in the conversation but I couldn’t, because what was I supposed to say to a person accusing me of being a selfish heartless team mate? Me and Ellie stood stock still, just staring at each other, both of us obviously waiting for the other to keep talking but neither of us could.

“Ellie Madison Carpenter, out on the field, right now.”

Steph’s voice echoed against the walls of the changerooms, everyone else was standing completely silent and still in the room. I looked around the locker rooms, aware that literally everyone besides Sam who had left the locker rooms after her talk to me had just heard Ellie’s speech. I was too shocked to do anything besides plaster my hand against my mouth and run directly into the bathroom that connected to the change rooms. I did my best to not let any tears fall until I’d locked the disabled bathroom door behind me and I’d slid down onto the floor. Was that actually what the team thought of me? That I was a selfish, useless, coldhearted bitch who was just here for herself? Ellie’s words had hurt my heart and soul, because I didn’t play for myself, I hadn’t ever.

I consciously could hear the frantic knocking on the bathroom door but my subconscious was doing its best to tune it out.

“Y/n, open the door, please.”

“Fucking Ellie, that kid has no fucking filter.”

“How are we supposed to explain to Cap that she locked herself in the bathroom?”

“Fuck we were supposed to be on the field five minutes ago, Tony is going to have a field day giving us fucking suicide sprints.”

Those were a few of the sentences that I made out through the door. They were enough to tell me that I needed to get my shit together, because one thing I couldn’t handle on top of the team thinking I was all of those things was the team thinking I was the fucking emotional mess that everyone seemed to think I was. So after letting whatever tears I had left fall, I flushed the toilet, in an attempt to try and disguise the sound of me furiously washing the redness off of my face then I walked towards the door, took a deep breath and unlocked it. Hailey and Macka were both waiting outside and were very clearly surprised by my exit from the bathroom.

“Alanna, don’t worry about getting skip, she’s out.”

I bit the inside of my mouth again, satisfied with the irony taste of my own blood filling my mouth.

“Sorry, just feeling a little bit sick.”

It was very clear none of them believed my excuse. I tried to push past them though, trying my hardest to avoid whatever awkward confrontation that I was apparently bound to, because both Ras and Mackenzie stopped me before I could take a step.

“Y/n. What Ellie said wasn’t true and it’s okay for you to feel emotions about that, she let the heat of the moment get to her.”

I gulped, swallowing the mixture of blood and sweat that was resonating in my mouth.

“I told you, I feel sick. I don’t give a shit what Ellie has to say, she’s very welcome to her own opinions, this is a free country, she has an issue I’d rather her say it to my face.”

My words were faulty, untrustworthy, like ice that was slowly cracking.

“You are allowed to be upset at her for saying that about you, it was mean and she was trying to get to you. It’s okay for you to have emotions about that.”

I pursed my lips, I hated confrontation. Confrontation was terrifying.

“I told you I just felt sick, I still do. I need to go talk to Tony, can I leave or am I being held hostage until I talk about emotions that I don’t have or feel right now?”

Hayley and Mackenzie both looked between each other, trying to think up another plan of attack but clearly not finding anything telepathically between themselves.

“You are free to go, we’re here for you if you need to talk.”

I rolled my eyes at the two of them.

“Thanks, I’ll keep a mental note next time I need a therapist to talk about my nonexistent selfish feelings with.”

The sarcasm rolled off of my tongue too easily as I walked out of the locker rooms and into the tunnel, slowly making my way out onto the field. It was night training, so the ground was cold and the bright white fluorescent lights were blaring down across the pitch. I looked out across the ground, the girls had already started running whatever drills they’d been instructed to start with which led me to ask myself the question of how long had I actually locked myself in that bathroom for?

I made my way straight over to Tony who was looking at me in that way he tended to when he was thinking about something.

“Ms y/l/n.”

He smiled at me, a little bit too kindly for my liking.

“Coach, I’m feeling a bit sick, I think I might have eaten something funny this morning, probably that granola that looked like it had been sitting out for a little bit to long, I think I should probably just rest for tonight, unless you want a granola vomit mess to deal with.”

Tony’s eyes studied me, my body language, silently assessing my every move.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with what happened between you and Ms Carpenter?”

Fuck, that was me exposed. I looked down to my cleats, by default, because I couldn’t look into his eyes knowing that he knew I was lying straight to his face.

“She approached me, told me that she’d said some things to a teammate before coming out for warm ups that she was sorry for, that I should sit her out for a game because of it. Wouldn’t tell me who she’d spoken to, which made me think it must have been pretty serious.”

I gulped anxiously, fuck. Fuck Ellie for making this whole night a flaming hot pile of shit.

“It wasn’t anything bad, I feel sick, it’s got nothing to do with Ellie, I’m a big girl, I can handle my own problems, she shouldn’t sit out for a week, we need her.”

I let my eyes cross the field, to where Ellie was, her whole complexion had paled dramatically and she looked like she’d just been on a really high rollercoaster.

“We also need to look out for the safety of our players. I'm going to ask you this once and I want you to tell me the complete truth. Did Ellie personally attack you in the change rooms before training tonight? Don’t lie to me, I’ll ask one of your team mates if you do and I don’t want to hear that their answers were any different to yours.”

I bit down hard on my mouth tissue, there was a part of me that wanted to lie for Ellie, even though it would probably land us in more trouble, there was also a part of me that wanted to hand her in, even though in my eyes she hadn’t really done anything wrong, she’d said her peace.

“We were both giving it to each other, she gave as much as she got. I deserve to sit out a week just as much as she does if we’re referencing words said to each other, we were both rude, we got stuck up in the heat of the moment. I promise you, with every bone in my body that it won’t ever happen again, I swear to you.”

One thing that my brother told me when we were growing up was how to effectively lie. There was an art to the practice of lying. The first rule was body language, everyone had a tell, it was about identifying yours and then figuring out how to stop it or disguise it. For example, my youngest brother would always tap his left foot when he was lying. Rule number two is eye contact. You need to make some, but not so much that it’s creepy. People can tell when you refuse to make eye contact with them, so you need to occasionally. Third is your voice, it needs to be steady, your pitch and tone need to be consistent, one of the easiest tells is a raised voice when you lie. The fourth rule is physical change, this one is probably the hardest, because there isn’t anything you can do to stop yourself if you get clammy hands when you are lying, you just have to disguise it. The fifth and final rule is words, you need to use enough that your sentences are coherent but don’t over-sell yourself, summarise what needs to be said, instead of reading off a whole backstory.

I’d broken number five and two whilst talking to Tony and I could tell that he was picking up on it. He looked between me and the field before calling over one of my teammates.

“Mary, can I have you for a second.”

I gulped down the lump that was forming in the back of my throat when Fowler finished off the drill she was doing and ran over to the sideline to stand beside the coach and I.

“What can I do for you, coach?”

He smiled at her, I’d very quickly noticed that Mary was one of his favourites, rightfully so. She was a hard worker but she was also kind, Matilda’s captain material for the future.

“Can you give me a run down of what happened in the lockers before training between Ellie and y/n, from my understanding there was a small altercation, but both of them aren’t telling me the whole story and I don’t have time for beating around the bush.”

I looked at Mary, silently praying for her to downplay it, maybe she hadn’t heard much of it. She was the one to pick if you wanted an honest answer, she couldn’t lie for the life of her, I knew that much. She bit her lip subtly, thinking thoroughly before she said anything.

“None of us heard how it started, we all knew that y/n/n was the one to drag Ellie over to her locker after Cap spoke to her. They were arguing, it seemed harmless. Until Ellie was yelling in y/n/n’s face.”

Tony nodded at her inquisitively, clearly very invested in what she had to say.

“Did you hear what Ms Carpenter was saying to Ms y/l/n?”

I gulped, shaking my head as subtly as I could at Mary, this whole encounter was a headache.

“Look, it’s not really something I’m comfortable with repeating.”

I knew Mary was trying to be helpful but I also knew that statement was going to backfire on her because it made the whole situation sound a lot worse than it was.

“Mary, if you don’t tell me I will get someone else too, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

Mary herself gulped anxiously, her eyes frantically darting between Tony and myself. I nodded at her, clearly seeing her distress and just giving her the permission to say her peace, because apparently it was going to get said anyways.

“She was yelling at y/n/n about how y/n/n was selfish and didn’t give a shit about anybody beside herself. I heard her using something about y/n crying in their bathroom at night against her, saying that she was too worried or self obsessed to care about anyone else on the team. I wasn’t close enough though to tell you exactly what either of them said. I was on the other side of the room, Steph was the closest, if you want information I’d be asking her, not me.”

I could feel my hands shaking in my pockets, this whole situation was giving me anxiety.

“Okay then, thank you, can you go fetch Steph for me, just tell her to come over here.”

Mary nodded at coach, before sending me a silent sorry smile before running back out onto the pitch.

Coach pointed to the bench that was on the sidelines a few feet behind us, silently motioning for me to follow him and take a seat down on it.

“Based on what I’ve just been told, I think that Ellie should sit out for a week, her behaviour towards you was unacceptable and she needs to understand there are repercussions for those kinds of situations. Y/n I know that you’ve struggled to find your footing in the team, I’ve seen you struggling with your mental health. I’m here for you if you ever need to talk about it or if you need help. If those struggles mean that you need to separate yourself from the team then that is what you do, regardless of the decisions you make you are a valued member on this team and you don’t deserve to be verbally assaulted because Ellie has a problem with you.”

I pursed my lips, I didn’t think I’d been verbally assaulted, if anything I’d started it.

“Coach, I started it with Ellie. She didn’t even mean what she said, we need her this week, it’s an important game that we can’t afford to have her miss. I don’t want to be the reason we lose this week just because me and Ellie had a minor altercation, it was nothing.”

I couldn’t ignore the deep frown on his face, it was a mixture of concern and disappointment and it went straight to my heart.

“Coach? Mary said you need to speak to me?”

Both of our heads snapped up at the sudden sound of Steph’s voice. She was standing about a foot away from us, her brow furrowed in my direction.

“Steph, yes, I’m just having some trouble understanding the altercation that went down before warm ups with Ms Carpenter and Ms y/l/n. Ms y/l/n is trying to take the whole blame for it and I don’t really believe the whole story that she’s giving me, so if you could please give me some insight it would be much appreciated, as I am taking this very seriously.”

Steph’s eyes went straight to mine, she was my fellow Arsenal team mate, probably the only person on our Matilda’s squad who I could actually call my friend. She was frowning at me deeply, trying to study my facial expression.

“Y/l/n started it, she pulled Ellie up after having a chat with skipper, but from what I heard she was more just annoyed that Ellie had told skipper about some of her more concerning habits. Ellie was mad about being pulled up on it, typical Ellie fashion she took it to heart and she made it personal. I do recall her calling saying something along the lines of if y/n spent less time in their bathroom at nighttime crying about how ‘hard’ her sorry ass life was then she’d realise there were people and things on earth that are more fucking important than you she was, Ellie also made a lot of comments about y/n/n being a selfish person who didn’t give a shit about any of the people around her. Y/n/n might have technically started it but in her defence she didn’t say anything personal or wrong to Ellie, she was just voicing her annoyance about Ellie telling on her to Sam, Ellie was trying to voice her concerns over Y/n/n but it came out wrong and she was trying to make light of a situation that was not hers to talk about in a public space, it was unprofessional and distasteful behaviour from both of them but Ellie was the one who escalated it and made it worse. All y/n really did was tell Ellie to leave her alone and stop pushing, when Ellie did push too far y/n rushed to the bathroom and locked herself in there. Ellie’s behaviour was unacceptable to say the least and I’ve told her, I’m sure Sam will as well once I talk to her about it. I’ve told Ellie she has to apologise to y/n/n and that kind of behaviour won’t be tolerated towards anybody let alone her own teammate.”

Steph’s rundown of the situation was more factual and foolproof then any of the other versions Gustavsson had received and I knew that he was going to believe everything she’d told him.

“Okay, thank you, I really appreciate your transparency on the situation. I made the right call making you interim captain whilst Sam was out. That’s all I should need for now, feel free to go back to what you were doing, I’ll be out there in a minute.”

Once Steph was out of earshot Tony turned to me, clearly a little bit taken aback by all of the information he’d just absorbed.

“You are going to sit out tonight, call it sickness or whatever you please. I want you to stay and watch though, you should be here and you deserve to be here. I’m going to talk to Ellie after training, and just because you don’t seem to want her sitting out I’ll see how remorseful she is and make my roster decision for this weekend based off of that. I know she’s your teammate and you feel like you are taking one for the team by enabling her behaviour towards you and maybe it was a one off, just a heat in the moment thing as you called it. Maybe it wasn’t though, I’m not going to take chances. I want you to think about your own actions as well, think about how you could have dealt with that situation more effectively. Once training’s over you are going to head back to the hotel with the girls and you are going to spend time with them, proper bonding time.”

I nodded at coach, I didn’t have it in me to argue with him.

“Coach, I’m rooming with her.”

It was my main concern, not that Ellie scared me, I’d pretty much ignored her the whole tournament, not that she spent a lot of time in our room anyways, she spent all of her free time until curfew in other teammates rooms.

“Talk to Kerr about it, get her to switch them around, I’m sure it’s not that difficult. Switch rooms, relax for the night, get some sleep, be back here tomorrow. I don’t care whether or not you feel up to training, just be here. This team is your family and whether or not it feels like it they care a lot about you, they are here to support you if you let them. Sometimes you just need to take the leap of faith.”

I nodded at coach. He was a gentle soul, a good one. He reached over to me, offering me a hug and I took it, letting him wrap his arms around my shoulders. It was nice, it didn’t last long but it felt nice. Once he was done giving me a hug he stood up and followed Steph out onto the field.

I found myself gravitating to a spot directly on the sideline, where our team manager was stationed. She didn’t ask any questions as I sat down on the frosty grass beside her station, I was grateful for that much. I hadn’t talked to her much but she seemed lovely and in the very little interactions I had had with her she had gone above and beyond to make me comfortable in whatever we were doing.

I spent my training, sitting on the grass, watching the team as they ran through a few drills and plays before moving into a full scrimmage. I kept my body tucked in, my knees to my chest, my puffer jacket and hoodie wrapped tightly around my legs and torso to pull my knees even further into my chest. It was a blessing that they’d designed waterproof sweatpants, because I would have probably had a cold and wet ass if they hadn’t. Somewhere along the way our team manager offered me a packet of gummy bears and I couldn’t find it in me to decline her offer, so I snacked on the gelatinous pieces of sugar whilst I watched the training slowly come to an end.

They finished with PK’s and then concluded the session. I stayed seated in my little spot, I hoped that no one had spotted me and maybe if I waited for everyone to slip off the field and into the locker rooms I would just be able to hop onto the bus without being detected. My plan pretty much backfired immediately when a certain captain beelined directly towards me, clearly I hadn’t gone unnoticed to her. I grimaced as she got closer to my spot, my spot that my head had deemed as a safe spot from the rest of my teammates.

Sam didn’t even acknowledge me to begin with, instead turning her attention to our team manager, making pretty common conversation with her. She spoke to her for a few minutes, it was afternoon tea talk, just bullshit. Sam’s specialty. Eventually when she finished up she looked down at me, an eyebrow raised. She motioned for me to stand up and follow her, so stupidly, like a puppy, I did. My muscles were cold and I’d be lying if I said that getting up from the ground hadn’t been a little bit harder than I’d predicted. I managed though and caught up to Sam, following after her as she walked back down the tunnel but instead of turning into the locker rooms we kept walking down the corridor until we came to the video review room. It was pretty much just a conference room, one big room with a bunch of tables and chairs that we used to scout and review our own games. Sam closed the blinds to the room, so no bye passers could see in and turned the lights on.

She seated herself at one of the tables, gesturing for me to do the same, so I did. The first thing Sam did was pull out her phone and start typing something or another before looking up at me.

“Steph told me about what happened between you and Ellie.”

I gulped, biting my lip as I tried my hardest to maintain my eye contact with Sam, I wasn’t going to break, not again. I watched as Sam’s finger made its way to her mouth and she bit down on her nail in a questioning kind of way that I couldn’t explain even if I tried.

“I started it, I was pissed off at her for ratting on me to you.”

My honesty would be appreciated, I knew that Sam valued honesty above anything else.

“I don’t really care who started it, I care about togetherness, you know that. This team needs one thing, cohesion. I don’t care who started it, I care about who the problem was and in that situation it was Ellie, she said things that she had no business saying, with the intention of hurting you. That’s enough to tell me that in that situation she was prepared to jeopardise our team just so she could tear down one of our own. I’ve recommended to Tony that she sits out this week. He told me you were apprehensive about it, I wanted to know why.”

There was a simple answer, and a more complex answer, a part of me knew which one Sam wanted.

“Short answer, Ellie is a crucial part of our team, we need her. Long answer, I don’t think she did anything wrong.”

Sam looked up at me, a little bit shocked.

“Look y/n, it’s clear there's been a lot on your mind recently. A lot that you clearly aren’t prepared to share, and that's okay. I saw on the sideline tonight, you looked like you were mentally in a different place, like you were really worried thinking about something and you’ve been like that for a few weeks. I know that you have trust issues, that you are finding it hard to slot into this team because you are scared to be vulnerable. I am here for you, I won’t judge you, I will help you with whatever you need help with, because I can tell there is something and until you do seek out help for it it is only going to destroy you further.”

Sam’s words receded in me, because she was so right that I couldn’t even try to deny it.

“Am I a selfish player and teammate?”

The words felt so raw coming out of my throat, it was something that Ellie had said that had stuck with me.

“No, I can honestly tell you you aren’t. You play football with so much grace and kindness that sometimes it drives me up the wall watching you help up your opponents who have tripped over. You aren’t a selfish person either, you are more reserved, that doesn’t make you selfish, it just makes you self aware, there is a big difference.”

I nodded at Sam, not sure what else there was for me to do. Her words were full of so much wisdom, so much insight. I still couldn’t find it in me to believe them fully though, my self deprecating brain not welcome to accepting any kind of form of praise.

“Look, change is hard. You are young, inexperienced. Staying somewhere that you’ve outgrown though is only going to destroy you. I know this is a big jump, I wouldn’t have reccomended for you to be here though if I didn’t think it was the right fit. You are a world class player, and a genuinely good person. When you smile, it lights up a room. Your laugh is contagious. It’s clear that you’ve never been cared for properly, never let yourself. You have a family now though y/n. You have people that you can go to when you are having a bad day, people that are going to love you no matter what. Use that, take advantage of it. A team doesn’t function without trust.”

There was something about Sams words that told me she actually understood what I was going through, she was dancing on a line of relating to me and giving me advice, the line was a little bit blurred though.

“Do you trust me?”

I let Sam’s words hang in the air for a few seconds, it took me a little while to formulate a reponse.

“I don’t trust anyone, not even myself.”

Sam’s eyes, those brown orbs spoke to me, more than any words ever could to me.

“You don’t think people care for you.”

“Why would people care for me?”

There was so much insecurity behind the words, years of it all built up.

“I care, I’ll always care. Everyone should have somebody to care for them.”

“You have to care, your my captain.”

It was the last bit of defiance leaving my body, the last of my barriers being used.

“Partly, yes. It’s sort of my job. But I save it for the ones who need it and you seem to be in need.”

I rolled my eyes, another defence mechanism that I used to deflect, to avoid my emotions.

“I don’t need help.”

“Maybe not, but when you’re born in a burning house you think the whole world is on fire until someone shows you it isn’t.”

I didn’t fully understand her cryptic but I got the general idea.

“You implying I was born in a burning house?”

Sam’s head tilted, like she wasn’t denying my statement but also didn’t agree with it fully.

“I’m implying that you are here for a reason. That we are all here for different reasons, different driving factors. The difference between you and some of the other girls is that you are letting your past define you, when it doesn’t. The best part of being here is that when you are out on the pitch nobody cares about anything else, nobody could care less about what’s happened in your personal life. Use that, use that to be happy, to find your motivation. Trust me? Let me show you that this team isn’t just a group of girls, it can be your family if you want it to be.”

I looked at Sam flatly trying to figure out how serious she was, when he face didn’t falter I realised how serious she was and that scared me a little bit. I didn’t know if I was ready for that, ready for a family, ready to feel loved and appreciated. It wasn’t soemthing I’d ever really experienced.

“Y’know that it shouldn’t seem remarkable to you that people who love and care for you actually want to treat you well.”

Those words were the straw that broke my back. I couldn’t help but feel the tears well up in my eyes.

“y/n,” Sam’s voice drew my eyes up to her own “You are allowed to cry.”

I shook my head at her, bringing the sleeve of my jumper up to my eyes to rub at the tears escaping my eyes.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you though?”

It was the amount of questioning behind her face that threw me off, I knew she didn’t believe me but the amount of concern laced into her facial expression hit some place in my heart I didn’t know I had.

“You know that it’s okay to not be fine all the time. You are allowed to have feelings, to feel things other than numb. Look, feeling hurts. Life is pain, life is suffering. Being alive hurts, it’s horror and it sucks. But you are alive and it’s spectacular and brilliant because instead of just living you are alive.”

I continued rubbing at my eyes, trying my best to stop any of the tears running down my face.

“I’ll think about it cap, I think it’s about time for me to head back to the hotel.”

Before I could get up and completely leave the room Sam got in her final words.

“There are poeple around that would miss you y/n/n, people who would be gutted if anything ever happened to you. Just think about that.”

[gredandforgeweatherby]

Forget About Him

Ben Gross x reader

WC: 858 Warnings: Swearing? Takes place during the dance in 2x10. Reader has envious/jealous feelings towards Devi, but no Devi hate

Ben was walking through the hall when he heard a sniffle. Confused, he poked his head into the nearby classrooms before finally spotting you in one. You were sitting at a random desk, dress flowing uncomfortably around your body in the same space between the table and your body. Your makeup had tear tracks through it, your mascara running down slightly with the tears that stained your face. Your face was warm and a bit splotchy from crying, your nose red.

If you had been in a more normal state of mind, you would have been upset that the person who found you was Ben. You and Ben had a slightly complicated relationship, sometimes being friendly while other times it seemed the two of you couldn’t hate each other more. It was different from him and Devi’s relationship; their relationship thrived on academic rivalry and one upping each other with insults. It seemed like when you and Ben were in a hate stage, you two genuinely hated each other. Though, the hate was one sided on your part, but you didn’t know that.

Ben slowly walked into the class, cautious of the fact that you could start yelling at him for talking to you while you were in this state.

“Y/n?” He asked cautiously. You looked up, confused as to why Ben was here as you weren’t expecting him. “What’s going on? What happened?” He walked over to you, sitting in the desk next to you, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Nothing, it’s stupid.” You said, looking away, “You’ll probably laugh at and insult me so.”

Ben was hurt that you’d think he would make fun of something that was making you so upset, but as he always played along with your “I hate you game”, he understood why you’d think that.

“Y/n, I’m not gonna laugh at you, or-or insult you.” He said gently, making you look back to him, “Seriously, what’s going on?”

You took a deep breath before speaking. “I got played. You know, I thought that someone wanted me when they didn’t and it sucks.”

Ben nodded, knowing how that felt. He decided to tell you about his experience to try and make you feel better about your own.

“Well, uh, I’ve been played too. Yeah you know, Devi played Paxton and I at the same time so, I know how you feel. And you’re right, it does suck.”

“Yeah I knew about that,” You said, nodding your head, “I’m sorry she did that. It’s shitty.”

Ben agreed with you, nodding his head when a quiet “yeah” slipped past his lips.

“I thought he liked me. He said he did so much and always would make me feel so… wanted and then he ditched me for someone else.”

“Look, whoever it is and whoever they ditched your for, forget about them alright?”

“It was Paxton. He ditched me for Devi, after he told me he wasn’t interested in Devi. She double times him and he wants her, I mean what does she have that I don’t?”

“Nothing y/n,” Ben shook his head, leaning his elbows on his legs to get closer to you, “there is nothing that Devi has that you don’t. You’re beautiful and smart and funny and really witty, trust me I’d know. Paxton played you and yeah, it sucks and it hurts, I know, but don’t think that it happened because of you. It’s his loss y/n, seriously.”

You looked over at Ben, sniffling. He was right, and somewhere in you you knew it.

“Thanks Ben. You actually made me feel a lot better.” A laugh slipped past your lips.

Ben chuckled too, “Yeah I often have that effect on people.” He said, smiling.

“You know if I had found you in this position I probably would have made fun of you. It wouldn’t be every day you see Ben Gross crying during a dance, so.”

He laughed, looking down for a second before meeting your eyes again. “I know.”

“But I’m glad you kept your word and didn’t make fun of me. It means a lot.”

“Of course.” He nodded. Suddenly he stood up, placing his hand out to you. “Come on.”

You stared at him questioningly.

“We are gonna clean your makeup up and then we’re going back to the dance, and you are going to forget all about Paxton and Devi and anything else that would make you upset, and you are going to have a great time. Maybe you’ll even save a dance for me.” He smiled at you.

You couldn’t hold back your smile as you stood, grabbing his hand.

He led you to the bathroom and waited outside while you tried to salvage your makeup through your tears, then walked back to the dance with you.

You and Ben danced all night together, getting along better than anyone had ever seen. That was the first night you began looking at Ben Gross in a different light, the first night he gave you butterflies. Ben, on the other hand, savored that night, not knowing how long the bliss between the two of you would last.

Good thing for him, that bliss never seemed to go away.

[latin5mamii]

stay ready (what a life) -CA,JS

|Warnings:none

|Summary: Be strong and forget about him!Is this so hard for you? Is this so hard for you?

Maybe it's impossible to get over your past relationship, or maybe you just need to find someone that'll make you fall in love again.This should work, right?

The knocking at your door makes you incredibly nervous, and you don’t even know why.

Is it because of the time? It’s kinda late and you don’t think there are any of your girlies out there.

There isn’t even a peephole on this door, so you can’t do anything else but to open that damn thing

As soon as you open it, you feel reassured:

Carlos at your door,in a white t-shirt and black shorts, smiling at you.

“I couldn’t sleep and I thought that maybe you’re a late night person, and it feels like I was right.Did i disturb you?”

You smile, your heart fluttering at the sight of Carlos. “No, you didn’t disturb me. I’m definitely a night owl.”

He grins, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Great! I know this amazing spot on the roof with the best view of Paris. Wanna come with me?”

Your curiosity piqued, you nod. “Sure, why not?”

Arriving on the roof, the beautiful view of Paris made you fall in love even more with this city:

the city of love,they say.

And thinking that just a few days before you were crying yourself to sleep, this is more than a stepforward.

“Why did you bring me here?”

“I thought that someone beautiful as you needed to see this”

You chuckle, and you can’t do anything but think that he’s a good suitor.

“Thank you for tonight,really”

“I just know what’s going on between you and Jannik and I want to help you.I mean,he’s a good man and a great friend on court but how could he break up with you?”

“Oh we just broke up because of the distance,you know, i have to work and i have to travel a lot and he’s busy with the tournaments, we decided what was best for us”

“But I think it wasn’t the best for you,right?”

His words made you think on how you didn’t want to leave him and that he was the one that actually took off your relationship.

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions. Carlos’s concern feels genuine, and for a moment, you allow yourself to be vulnerable.

“Honestly, it wasn’t what I wanted. I thought we could make it work despite the distance. But he said it was too much, that he couldn’t handle the constant separation.” You pause, the memories flooding back. “Seeing him with Anna now,it just hurts. It feels like everything we had meant nothing.”

Carlos nods, his eyes full of empathy. “I get that. Breakups are never easy, especially when it feels like the other person moved on so quickly. But you shouldn’t doubt your worth. He might have been overwhelmed by his career, but that doesn’t reflect on you.”

For all these months spent crying on Jannik, you didn’t realize that there were other people waiting for you and helping you to go through your pain.You thought that Carlos (before meeting him) was a bit childish and that your ex was the only best choice for you.

You thought of yourself as a stupid person,but now you’re healing and that’s what matters.

“Why didn’t I meet you before?”

“Let’s just say that before I was a little stupid. Trust me,it’s better that you’ve met me now”

The night continues and you talk a lot about everything, he tries his best to make you laugh and to have a good time with you.

He leans against the railing, gazing out at the city lights. “Paris has a way of making you reflect on things, doesn’t it? All these beautiful sights, it makes you realize there’s so much more out there.”

His words make you smile, you really hope it’s the person he’s proving to be and you really hope he might be the one to make you move on.

You soon go back to your rooms and as soon as you close the door, you can't help but smile and act like a teenager in love.

“Good morning!See you at breakfast in 20?”

That’s the message you woke up with, and you couldn’t be more happy.

“Sure!” you reply faster than ever at this message and you start to get ready.Wimbledon is near and he probably needs to train today, but spending 15 more minutes with him won’t hurt anybody, right?

As soon as you go down the elevator,,you start looking for him in the breakfast room.

You find him on his phone,ripping his eyes,your eyes meet with his and a smile appears on his face.

And stupidly,you hug him.With your height you were right under his chin, he doesn’t think twice and hugs you back.

“Are you ready for today’s training?” you ask him to start the conversation.

“Always”he replies ironically,putting a hand behind your back, almost to accompany you to a free table.

“What are you going to do while I train today?”

“Probably going to boutiques here in Paris with the girls,we’re trying to have fun”

“Have fun”He says with a smile,but he continues.

“I was hoping that maybe,in the late afternoon,you could come to training, maybe I'll introduce you to someone”

“I’d love that” You didn’t see tennis trainings in a really long time,maybe it was time to feel that sensation again.

Mia-Ready for spending all our money on shopping?😍

You get this message and you have to leave the table.

“See you later then”He says with a huge smile on his face.

You reply with a smile.Even if you’re happy to go out with your girls you really wanted to stay with Carlos, and this feels so weird.

Does this feel like this because it’s wrong?

[barcalover86]

Healthy break up - Pablo Gavi (a)

"Tell me, please. Whatever it is, I will stay by your side. Always"

When Gavi heard what you said he closed his eyes in order not to cry.

"That's the thing, y/n."

"Look, Pablo. It's ok, I promise you. Everything will be ok"

He breathed in and out before he decided to speak.

"You don't deserve what I'm going to tell you and it's hurting me just thinking that you might hate me after this."

"I won't hate you. I can't hate you." you said while trying to console him.

"I tried so hard to get rid off this feeling, trust me. I hate myself for it and if I could control it, I would. These days have been... hard. Really hard and I know you told me multiple times to speak my thoughts to you. That's what people that love eachother do, but I just can't. I've been feeling so lonely and sad without having a reason. We are most of the time far away from eachother and I feel like our schedules can't combine."

With every word that was leaving Gavi's mouth, your heart would break. You still decided to hear him say everything, before you could speak.

"Please, forgive me for this. Please.." he escaped a sob from his mouth. "I want what's best for you and right now I'm not the perfect boy, understand me.. please, y/n!."

Your hands went on your tearful eyes. Gavi took them and wiped your tears away from your face.

"I am sorry that I feel like this. It's all my fault and I'm truly-".

"Shh, shh." you said while touching slowly his cheeks. "It's no one's fault, ok?"

"No, y/n. I'm so stupid. I can't find happiness with you and it hurts me-"

"Pablo, stop." you smiled sadly. "I understand you."

He started to cry in your arms, while your hands went on his hair, playing with it.

"Forgive me.."

"I do, Pablo. I forgive you."

You tried to find the strength to speak again and when you did, you managed hard not to cry.

"Thank you for telling me. Thank you for trusting me."

"I love you.. I really do." he said it for the last time while looking into your eyes.

And for the last time, you two kissed. A kiss that could be never forgotten..

---------

"It's ok, sweetheart.." your mom said while you were crying hard in her arms.

"He said he can't be happy with me, mama.."

It's been days since you and Pablo broke up and you weren't doing too good. You understood his feelings, but all the time healthy break ups are tge worst. You know he loves you, but sometimes love is not enough.

Gavi was sad and tired all the time. He didn't speak much about your break up, knowing if he would say something that reminds him of you, he would break down right there.

It was hard to pretend that nothing was happening, but this is going to be the best for both of you.

Even now, after time had passed, you would still go to support him at his games. He never saw you, but somehow, he all the time felt you there..

-------

Today you didn't feel the need to do anything, but you woke up because someone was knocking at your door.

You were all moody today and when you saw that there was actually no one standing in front of your door, you got angry until you saw some flowers and a letter.

You were confused and when you saw the initials, you started to tear up.

You looked everywhere. You only wanted to see him. Unfortunately, he was nowhere.

There were your favorite flowers.. he still remembers it.

You open the letter, read it, put it in your heart and closed your eyes.

'Today would have been our 2 year anniversary. I don't want you to be sad or cry. I want this day to remind you that things are going to come and some are going to end. It is part of our lives and we must understand these stuff. You were the person that thought me how to love someone more than myself. You made me shine when I was at my lowest. I hope that this is going to be the step you will do to forget about sadness. Remember our memories, but forget me. Hugs, P. G'

--------

[bepoopy]

Fading Polaroids

pairing: Jang Wonyoung x Fem!Reader

genre: angst, suicide

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The room was too quiet for my liking as the sound of the rain could be heard outside of the house. The moody wind blew inside through the windows that were slightly opened, making a figure that was lying flat on her bed shivered. She wasn't fond of freezing air as she tended to get cold easily.

I turned to look at her, tears staining her cheeks. I wonder who makes her cry this time. 'Don't cry sad girl, you deserve so much better,’ that's the only things I can utter whenever her eyes turned cloudy. There's nothing much I can do after all.

I looked around the room, my eyes fell on the fading polaroids that hanging on the wall above her headboard. I could see the familiar face, it was her, me, and our friends. Suddenly a loud sob was heard, falling from her lips. She sat on her bed as we both now look at the same things, the wall of memories.

"Why didn’t you close the window? You will get cold, Wonyoung." I tried to talk to her, but the silence was too loud. I've waited for a moment, but getting ignored in return.

The door opened slightly ajar, her mother was standing at the doorstep. "That's not how you coping of someone's death, honey. Y/n will be sad if she could see you like this." Her mother sadly stated, making her breaking even more. That's true, but let her be, maybe that's her coping mechanism. Everyone has their own way of grieving someone's death. It would be worse if I was in her shoes, though. I tend to mourn until I passed out. But I already am now.

The moment her mother said that, I just realized that I was no longer a human that always hanging out in this cozy room. I am now a wandering soul without a body, in other word, I am ghost. A ghost that still stick around her friend. A lonely ghost that needs a company.

I don't know that being a ghost can be too lonely, it was my first week after I took my own life after all. It wasn't my intention to break her heart, I didn’t know that I was too precious to her. I am sorry, but there's nothing I can do now. It's not like I regret anything, but I truly regret for leaving her in this cruel word. 'She's not alone, I don't need to worry' the way I keep saying it, to reassure myself that she's not going to do something stupid like I do.

“There was no sign. She just took her own life, mom. I wish she had told me everything other than keeping it to herself and making dumb decisions,”That was my first time hearing her voice after the day the news got her. Her voice was kind of hoarse, maybe because lots of crying. I wish I could hug her right now.

"I am sorry again if I didn’t tell you any of my secrets, Wonyoung. It's not like I don't trust you but I don't think it worth anything, we both were just dumb teenagers, there's nothing we can do about it. I don't want you to worry about me or anything. I want you to be happy. I am sorry," I said as if she could hear me. But I am glad that I could still seeing her face and hearing her voice.

Next moment I could see was her taking off the pictures from the wall, aggressively shoving it into her drawer beside her bed. It breaks my heart watching the scene happened right in front of me, but I kept saying to myself, 'maybe that's just how she coped with my death.’ I walked to the corner of the room, just to look at the clock. It took me a moment before I realized, I came here just to say goodoye. That was my last time being on earth.

I don't know if I was really easy to forget. The memories of me slowly fading from her mind, just like the fading polaroids in her drawer. And that's how I realized I could easily become a ghost in people's memories after my death.