#it was one of the worst periods (pun intended) of my life and everyone going 'lol same' was breaking my fucking heart

[adhdstudybitch]

tumblr: reblogs are turned off for this post

Me, staring down the 15 new reblogs: you sure about that, bitch?

[lunawings]

Minato’s Birthday PriZoom (8/21/21) commentary/report

Oh geez where to begin. 

I originally intended to do two showings this time (which is one more then usual) but due to a last minute decision based on other poor decisions I ended up doing three which was the most I’ve ever done in a row! My translation of the bonus content is in a separate post.

Not only that but like... it kept putting me in the main screen up at the top too!! Like more than I’ve ever been up there! And I’m sure none of this was intentional, but I also happened to be positioned right next to a couple other people who also knew the traditional cyalume cheering stuff so that was really cool!

Heck I even made it onto the Mantan Web article apparently!!? (This is an official event photo.) Am I that recognizable even in blurry pixels? (Haha well I guess there’s the background too...)

I put a lot more concentration into my own cheering this time so I wasn’t clicking around to look at the other people in the room as much and thus I have fewer shoutouts to make. 

I happened to catch a guy trying to balance TWO of the giant Shin mochikoros on his shoulders though? 

And there was that guy hula-hooping to Kakeru’s entire performance!!??

And the person whose screen was just a cheering piece of celery. 

The highlight was probably “Kouji’s Kitchen” though. A Kouji cosplayer who spent the entire show actively cooking. 

I really admire the folks who make the actual food for these showings. I’ve been thinking I want to make pudding a la mode (probably the only KinPri food I could actually manage to make) if they do a Taiga showing next year but how would I keep it from melting during the show ahah ha... (Mashed potatoes I suppose?)

In the weeks leading up to the show I’d been wondering if we’d see any Minato cosplayers. I realized I’m not sure if I’ve actually EVER seen one at a showing (PriZoom or otherwise) as he’s not an easy character to do (what with body type and a lot of Kinpri cosplayers being female) but I think I saw at least two! 

This was the first showing where I made an honest attempt to keep the soundboard on, largely because of @takadanobaba’s posts on it, but also just because it’s our STYLISH NEW ABNORMAL (...watch Idol Land PriPara). Ever since they introduced it, traditional cheering has gotten quieter and quieter with long periods of silence except for big moments like Over the Rainbow’s prism jumps. (And what is King of Prism when you’re actually able to hear it.)

So I tried it, really I did. And as I was saying, I can somewhat see the appeal. People are finding ways to use it creatively to bring out that same brand of humor that makes traditional cheering so fun. I turned it on and off during Pride the Hero and the first half of SSS Part 2. The best and worst moment I had with it came during episode 5 however, when Ace kabedon’d Miyo and Joji pulls up in the car.

D-DDDDD-D-DDDD-D-DDDDDDD-DD-DDD-DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDEEEETAAAAAAAAAA

“But Joji is my star!”

KKKKKK-KK-KKKKKKKK-KKKK-KKKKKKKKKK-KKKAAAAKKKKKKKKKKOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Imagine that but like too fast and too loud for your brain to actually interpret what’s going on.

So that was... that was... that. (Thinking of how it will be at Joji’s actual birthday next month is giving me chills.)

I did turn it back on briefly during Best Ten while Platonic Sword was on. And for some reason I can’t quiiiite comprehend it was a grand chorus of ORE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Okay, okay on to the meat. This showing had the BIGGEST bonus of all. Masashi Igarashi appeared for a “talk show” at two of the showings. 

One of the first things he pointed out was how, unlike traditional theater greetings, he could see all of our faces individually. And then he actually clicked through all of our video feeds and made comments!!!! (Tatsuyuki Kobayashi didn’t do that.) 

Throughout the first session he actually directly acknowledged me THREE SEPARATE TIMES. The first time was when he recognized that I had S-Pulse Dream Plaza as my background. (The real life location in Shizuoka where Minato saw Kouji for the first time.) The second time was when I pasted a message into the chat about being his American fan and HE ACTUALLY READ IT! The third time was during the All Stars Playback when they put me on the screen and he thanked me in the chat again for putting up Dream Plaza. 

I’m really happy I put in the effort to do a meaningful background! 

All of a sudden I’m inspired to do more for each character. It was years before King of Prism existed, but I did go to Okayama once. I’m thinking I might need to sort through some old photos before Joji’s showing.

Anyway. 

Masashi-san didn’t really seem to have anything planned out to say. He just kinda played off us when he could and rambled for a while about how great Minato and King of Prism is and all that. I think he’s a bit better when he has someone else to play off of. (Junta usually ends up being his straight man.) I don’t even know if he knew what he was saying half the time hahah.

The part that really stuck with me though was when he was talking about how there was such a large concentration of Minato fans here, but then he corrected himself as that’s not necessarily true since King of Prism fans cheer for everyone. So instead of camps for certain characters, he suggested we should do “club activities” as a fandom and since so many people brought vegetables to the showing we were the vegetable club. 

This was followed by a rush of puns in the chat like VegetaBU (”bu” is Japanese for club). 

Another official photo from Mantan web. I love it when they show the “behind the scenes”. 

I didn’t realize the second session of the greeting would be starting at the beginning of the next showing, even though that is how they usually do it for theater greetings (so the voice actor doesn’t have to wait around through another movie). It’s kind of odd that they had two different sessions actually, since pretty much everyone had the opportunity to do both as the tickets didn’t come close to selling out. But more money for them either way I guess. He actually changed shirts in between hahah. (From one Minato shirt to another.)

But anyway, when he suddenly came up on the screen again I was actually in the middle of trying to change the batteries in my cyalumes ahahah. And it put me up top of the main screen AGAIN! I kinda wanted to switch my camera off so someone else could get a chance but I didn’t want to seem rude for disappearing either!!!

Eventually I did turn my camera off, giving up my space, because my cyalume blades were all DYING from having been on CONSTANTLY since the beginning of Pride the Hero and I didn’t want it to seem like I was checking my phone or something while I was changing the batteries. (One of them ended up cutting out during Best Ten anyway because in my mad scramble to change the batteries I guess I put the old ones back in haha.) That felt like the right decision since I crashed and burned pretty hard during the middle of Best Ten. (Cheering fatigue is rare for me but I was pushing 24 hours being awake at this point...) I also sure heck didn’t want to be up there during Love Graffiti BUT I didn’t do as bad as I thought. The drills I did without the video before the showing paid off! I’m so happy I’m finally learning it after all this time. Take THAT two year depression spiral.

Although this showing was lively, I have to admit it didn’t quite meet my overinflated expectations, though. I don’t think either room broke 200 people at any point during the showing. I could have sworn at least ONE showing I went to in the past did... I think the Shin/Louis one maybe... but looking through my past posts I can’t find a mention of it. ...Wait, even if that’s true I guess it doesn’t count since we only had one room back them. Mmmrhghg. 

I do have pretty high hopes for the next few months though because Joji and Hiro are EXTREMELY popular characters. 

So you. YES YOU! The person who somehow read this entire post and is now somewhat regretting skipping out on this one. YOU CAN DO IT! I’ll see you are the next one right? RIGHT?? OKAY!! 

[kuviras-eyeliner]

hi may i have a matchup pls 🥺👉👈

hi can i request a matchup for a student in 1-A? i am a straight scorpio female & im black with long curly dark brown hair. i have a nasal and septum piercing and a navel I wear round glasses; i am also 5’3 and petite as well as curvy & am an ambivert that is more introverted & am ISTJ. i am a very passionate, devoted, quirky/goofy, sweet, intuitive, supportive, affectionate and nurturing person who loves to dote on others and listen to people talk/ramble/vent about anything. i find it hard to open up to others due to past relationships and failed friendships so im very guarded but when i do open up to others i become more talkative. i come off as intimidating since i have a resting face. i can be a very possessive, distrustful and expressive person and don’t tend to hold my tongue and am very blunt but not to the point to where it’s rude. i also have the hugest soft spot for babies and animals and love manga and anime. i also love anything spiritual or space related as well. aromatherapy and self care are another thing that i love. i tend to be very stubborn but if given a legitimate reason or explanation i can be extremely cooperative. i tend to get easily overwhelmed, overthink and i have very bad anxiety and depression so i would prefer someone who’s gentle and patient. another trait i want in a partner is someone who can teach me things (interesting facts, helping me with hw, learning about life together, etc.), being able to be in tune with my emotions and just prioritizing means being devoted to me along with not judging me and just letting me be me.

thank you so much!

-🥀

Wahoo, I’m so glad I could finally get to 🥀 anon! Fun fact, I skipped over quite a few to get to yours ;D!! Thank you for being so detailed! That seriously makes everything so much easier and I really appreciate it :))

I match this lovely anon with...

♥ 𝕊𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕠 𝕋𝕠𝕕𝕠𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕚 ♥

ᶜᵃⁿ ʷᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵃ ᵐᵒᵐᵉⁿᵗ ᵗᵒ ʳᵉˢᵖᵉᶜᵗ ʰᵒʷ ᶜᵘᵗᵉ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵍⁱᶠ ⁱˢ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ⁻

After a long-awaited period of time, I match you with our favorite peppermint of all time! 

First Glances and Impressions: At first, Todoroki may seem like an absolute pain. To you, he seemed rude, ignorant, dismissive, and maybe even a little bit cold to everyone (pun intended). But as you got closer, realistically speaking, something definitely would have clicked-- suddenly, his behavior didn’t annoy you anymore. You didn’t mind that he was being a little off sometimes because he taught you so many things even when you didn’t realize. For instance, you noticed the small things-- whenever you successfully did something and you were proud of it, he’d smile the smallest bit and nod at you. Or maybe he’ll sometimes make eye contact with you first on purpose and give a quick smile before getting back to work. But honestly, the biggest enemies-to-lovers AU would be for you two! I definitely believe that at first, you and Todoroki slightly, passive-aggressively hated each other. You two would probably give each other cold-shoulders (pun VERY INTENDED) all the time for no reason, and you’d both stay very guarded-- that is, until, you two are forced to work together. 

What I think would happen: What I think would happen is that you two had to put your heads together in one of the training arenas, but Todoroki ended up doing everything within seconds, freezing anything in his path, while you didn’t get to do anything. He’d be stealing the spotlight at first, and being an absolute pain when you decide to confront him. Todoroki gets offended, slightly, when he accidentally loses control and hurts you. Instantly, he feels this odd feeling of guilt that he hadn’t felt before and decides to take you over to Recovery Girl for help because you tearing away from the frozen ice had nearly peeled your skin off. Eventually, Recovery Girl asks that you two should be more careful-- when you do wake up, Todoroki is laying on the floor, half-asleep when you ask for water, and let me tell you, that boy immediately sprints up and away as he goes to grab a cup for you. You figure out later that after the whole ice incident, Todoroki had felt so oddly guilty that he had stayed with you the entire night, waiting for you to wake up. 

How he helps you on bad days: Todoroki is in fact seen as an introverted, stereotypical, “emo,” fighting, and hot-headed character. However, if you know me, I hate stereotypes, so I’m here to break them! I think around the people he really loves, Todoroki would probably try to uplift you and he’ll actually be so soft and adorable around you, asking if you need water or a hug. He won’t be very verbal, on your bad days, however, since he’s bad at expressing himself with emotional vulnerability. But when he sees you, crying up against the wall, alone, he will not hesitate to run and slide down next to you. He won’t say much, but he’ll rock you back and forth and give you the softest hug in the world. Todoroki knows that you listen to a lot of people, but this time, he says, “I’m here to listen to you. Tell me what it is that you need,” and he’ll make sure that you don’t deny your feelings. He’ll tell you that no matter what, even in the worst nights, he’ll always be there for you. 

Other things: Todoroki will make sure that no matter what that you feel comfortable with him-- you two would be like best friends, and constantly grow together. He also struggles to hide his laughs and smiles when he's with you-- he's been eating more, smiling more, talking more, and overall, you're just this ray of light in the darkness that keeps him going in the toughest times.

~

So, how do you guys like this formatting? Is this better for you? Let me know! And also, anon, thank you for asking :) I really appreciate that you also said, “I think I have depression and anxiety” instead of self-diagnosing. I really do wish you the best!! Please take care of yourself and reach out to me for anything bby!!

Hugs and shoulderpats for everyone who needs them 😌😌

Stay safe!!

And also, thank you for asking! I really do put a lot of thought into these and take time to make it as thoughtful as possible, as well as comparing MBTI’s and different personality types and attributes. It’d mean the world to me if even just one tap, just a like would come from anyone :) You don’t even need to say thank you (because you guys are just that amazing).Yay!! <3 Thank you so much <hugs!>

[devourer--of--books]

Callis was Gavaldon’s first witch gynecologist and here’s why

Okay so, in this post we’ll be discussing topics such as sex, contraception, and some religion in the context of it being used as a mean to control people sexually. 

If you’re younger than 13, honestly, this post isn’t for you. 

If you’re unlucky, like me, and your school didn't give you proper sex ed, I beg you to ask someone about it. Your older sibling, your mom, someone, okay? Ask google. It’s important stuff you need to know.

First of all, for composure’s sake, let’s all pretend I didn’t start thinking of this due to me writing a smut fic. At 4am, on my tablet notes. On my defense, tho, there’s an astonishing lack of E-rated fics on this fandom and someone ought do it, okay? Moving on.

So, where shall we start?

Let’s get context out of the way, welcome to my analyses, the actual headcanons are here, I promise, let me just bore you to death first:

The SGE book series overall is set in fantasy fairytale land (The Endless Woods), with the exception of Gavaldon, aka, the reader village. Due to this, there’s not really a time period liking the SGE world to ours, neither can it be presumed by the world building, as Soman mixes traditional medieval elements  with modern elements, which I know bothers some of you too, it ain’t just me, but nevermind that right now.

The point is, the arguments I’m making on this post are based on aspects mentioned in the books, but I’m also going to draw some information from the real world.

A big chunk of the first two books rely on the world the existence of a patriarchal structure in that world, as do some plot points during the rest of the series, but if I were to dive into that we’d be here all night. Talking about the Endless Woods social structure is very complicated, specially with the ‘no labels in the woods’ stuff combined with the misogyny. It’s messy. 

Thankfully for this post, we’ll only go into Gavaldon, because I feel things there are more… explicit (pun intended).

So here’s what we know of Gavaldon’s social structure pre-book 1:

It’s a decent sized village with no official government. There’s no political figure of power, such as prince or a mayor, as they eventually get in QFG. There also doesn’t seem to be an actual economic class distinction between the people of Gavaldon, other than mentions of beggars (pretty sure it’s just one tho, but I might be wrong). Everyone works and trades amongst themselves, with people having more or less the same things (except for Callis and Agatha, due to them being social outcasts). 

Who has power in Gavaldon?

The Elders Council. They make the laws, they are respected, they have influence, and therefore they have power. These dudes stopped people from selling food to Stefan’s family during book 2, and threatened his new family in front of everybody during book 3. And everyone in Gavaldon loved that man. Why are they powerful tho?

Power is born out of inequality. If you have what we have not, we follow where you lead. Gavaldon has no nobles and no bourgeoisie. Geez, I wonder which powerful class we’re missing.

The clergy.

Personally, I hold no love for the church. I’m an atheist, but, as this post is about SGE and not religion, I’ll try to be as neutral as possible, as the point is not to offend or disrespect anyone. When I mention ‘religion’ or ‘clergy’ from this point on, I’m talking about religion as an Institution. As in the Medieval Catholic Church (which if you don’t agree was at least kind of very evil, I don’t know if I want you reading my posts anyway, so feel free to leave).

Most likely, the members of Elders Council of Galvadon were linked to its Church, whatever religion they may have. I can’t see any reason why they would have so much influence otherwise. Who appoints new men to the positions once one of them dies? I’m gonna guess the remaining members of the Council. 

And no one said anything? For centuries. Okay. Corruption? Never heard of her.

Also, burning unmarried women as a way to solve problems claiming they were witches? Wonder where I’ve seen this before.

The fact they’re men, should get mentioned too, just in case you forgot. I bet there are women just as old and wise, if not wiser than the members of the council. Hm, wow why they’re not part of the council.

This hypothesis ties in with the fact that the education given to the kids is limited to the local school, which, given the lack of government and simplicity of work relations, is probably funded by the clergy. We don’t see any proof of this, but again, if we’re comparing Galvadon to a medieval village, it would make sense.

What is even taught at this school? Math and whatever language they speak there, sure, but like they have little to no history that we know of, geography would be pointless, there are no foreign languages, science who, and with these clowns running the village I’ll bet there is no philosophy or social studies and... Doesn’t matter, let’s not do this right now.

Callis briefly mentioned that all girls in Galvadon must marry before the end of their school education, or they are deemed witches. The Elders Council even chooses the matches, in case those aren’t naturally formed or if they disagree with pre-existing ones. These kids are what,15,16, maybe younger?

(this makes me so mad, you have no idea-)

ANYWAY. They form these child marriages, for... look I’m gonna presume is because of population reposition. They need an average of 2 kids per couple or they’ll have more people dying than people being born. Let’s just presume it’s because of this because if it’s because of some tradition stuff I’ll scream, okay?

Maybe they have a low life expectancy in Gavaldon (which is another evidence for the case that the elders are part of the clergy, they probably don’t work, so they live longer). 

So have them teenage girls poping them babies, I guess.

Also, a miracle they have survived this long, because the genetic pool for Gavaldon must be the worst ever, everyone is related to everyone, ew. At least, in theory, there would be no STIs.

In theory.

Ahem… During the middle ages, all forms of birth control tended to be frowned upon, at least here on the west, including coitus interruptus (aka, pull out method), (tho it depends of who was the pope at the time, some of them were cool with this one if you already had too many kids and was like super poor), because sex was supposed to be about procreating, so a marriage with no kids was ‘pointless’. 

(hear me raging in the background, this context is stressing me out, i just wanna get to the headcanons-)

We can assume this view is probably compatible with the Elders Council mindset, as they are marrying CHILDREN. 

If there were any available contraceptive methods, you can bet they weren’t teaching this stuff at school. They probably have no sex ed, and if they do, it’s going to be just about periods and vague stuff. Gotta love them church schools (I never went to one, officially, but honestly, I live in Brazil, what even is Secular State).

(“Don’t have sex before marriage, you’re gonna get pregnant and die”, - one of the teachers at the Galvadon school at some point, I bet)

Let me also mention that there is an specific Gavaldon law that states that if a girl is pregnant she is going to marry the boy who knocked her up. Which, specially in Vanessa’s case, makes no f-ing sense. Could she prove it was Stefan’s? Did she sent it to a DNA lab? If Stefan was the Elders favorite why would they not take his word?

I digress, let’s say Stefan didn’t deny sleeping with her and only said he was under a spell, which, hm, how dumb do you have to be to do that, it’s lying 101, Stefan c’mon, but okay, you do you.

So they are probably super “moral” in Galvadon. You know, the kind of moral who just swipes stuff under the rug. Like, yeah, Stefan you’re now doomed to marrying Vanessa, but ain’t nobody gonna say a thing if you cheat on her as long as you don’t do it during plain daylight.

(The amount of closeted gays in Gavaldon is probably astronomical, can you imagine?)

And then you have Callis. Whom I think is probably responsible for the introduction of birth control in Gavaldon. We have arrived at the headcanons. Hear me out:

After Stefan saved Callis, she was deemed a witch. She’s a ‘witch’ doctor for the town. Only the most desperate of people seek her out. 

That means she normally wouldn’t get a lot of patients. Like, Idk about you, but Gavaldon doesn’t seem big enough for her to have people looking for her everyday. And she probably had to feed Agatha somehow.

But, while her being a doctor for normal diseases wasn’t really working all that well, everyone knew she had a hand in Vanessa’s miracle child. So ‘infertile’ women and women who had been getting sickly during pregnancies start looking for her, asking for her to help them. 

Callis obviously doesn’t use her magic, but as she can’t say she used magic for Vanessa, she gives them generally good advice about herbs and stuff they can add to their food to make it ‘more likely’, aka stuff that reduces stress, telling them how to eat better, stuff they should avoid, etc. She’s no big expert, but at least in the Endless Woods they had sex ed and she was witch, she just knows stuff.

So she becomes this sort of witch gynecologist for Gavaldon’s desperate women.

It works for a while, but then people eventually share these tips amongst themselves to avoid going to see her. Then, it’s back to slightly starving herself so baby Agatha could eat.

One day, a teenage girl arrives at her doorstep in the middle of the night, trading food for her help. If she could ‘make people more fertile’, she could surely make them miscarriage. Maybe this girl got pregnant by sleeping with someone the elders didn’t aprove for her to marry, maybe it was something else a bit darker, but we won’t talk about how that could be common, given you could literally force someone to marry you if they had your child.

Callis panics, because she wasn't ‘making anyone more fertile’ really, she was making them healthier and therefore more likely to have a healthy kid. If she were to tell her to do the reverse of what she told the others, not only it wouldn’t work, but it would actually harm the girl’s health.

At first she’s like, “I can’t help you…”, but then she hears baby Agatha crying, poor thing, so hungry all the time. So Callis decides, “you know what, might as well”.

There’s probably many potions made with magic one could take to not have a baby in the Woods. Even ones that cause abortions with no side effects or danger to the woman. But there also more natural ways, ones that maybe aren’t 100% effective, but would work, tho it had some side effects.

So Callis, makes her a potion to take. For real life comparisons, let’s say she used Queen Anne’s Lace, which works a bit like Plan B. The girl is thankful, and goes on her way.

Soon enough, everybody knows Callis can do these potions. You have girls sneaking to Graves Hill in the middle of the night to get help in exchange for food and while the elders know something is fishy, they can’t do much anything about it. They ask Callis what is up with that and she’s like ‘nope, just ya know, helping them have babies, plan b who’.

She tries to introduce a variation of the potion, one that acts as birth control, because it would stop people from being irresponsable all the time, but the Plan B one is the one every girl wants, because well, it’s easier. You can be unsafe and then take a potion and it’s fine. Soon, it’s not just girls. There’s full grown women there too, who should really know better.

She is pissed, so she says she won’t make them any more potions unless people stop being so careless.

Someone tries to make a knock-off potion, but it ends tragically, because people don’t really know what Callis puts in it. And well… you know what looks a bit like Queen Anne’s Lace?

F-ing Water Hemlock, that’s what.

After that incident, people listen to Callis when it came to ingesting stuff. And thus, birth control culture is born in Gavaldon. Other people started trying out other things to avoid dealing with Callis, like animal-based condoms, pull-out method and inserting acacia gum into your vagina before you had sex,but she had a good clientele overall.

The Elders? Pissed. But since they couldn’t just prove this was her fault, they just kept on hating on her from a distance.

After Agatha has her first period, Callis sits her down and pretty much gives her the talk. Agatha doesn’t really see a point to it, boys are gross, but she listens nonetheless. 

Callis gives Agatha the best sex ed homeclass ever, you can bet she will teach her correct anatomy, debunk myths the school told her about both periods and her own body and even promised her to teach her how to make the birth control potion once she got older.

Again Agatha doesn’t see a point, but okay.

When Agatha comes home with Tedros, years later tho. Callis is... worried.

She tries to ask Agatha if she’s being safe but her daughter just... stops functioning. Blushing like crazy. 

 (“We just kissed, like, once, mom.”)

That being said… Callis doesn’t live long enough to teach her how to make the potion.

So when Tedros and Agatha’s relationship starts to progress (hm… if you wanna read something about it, maybe wait a couple of days, I might or my might not have a sin fic in the works, it wouldn’t be one of my posts if it had no self-promotion, I’m my own sponsor after all) she’s unsure of who to ask about this.

And it makes her extra sad about her mother’s death, so that’s great.

I honestly don’t know who she would ask. If you have any ideas, please tell me. Because I’m kind of inclined to think that maybe Merlin might have predicted this and handed a recipe to her as a semi-joke, but idk. Maybe Uma?

But yes, Callis was totally Gavaldon’s first witch gynecologist. And after they made Stefan mayor, I want people to remember her for the absolute legend she was, okay?

[anika-ann]

Think Again (When You Stop Freaking Out) - Pt.6

Mirror and Mirage

Pairing: None                   Word count: 2012

Warnings: language, hella lot confusion, attempt at humour, medical drug use… irony and sass? ;)

Summary: Matt and Steve bond over superpowers and strange yet amazing friends. Tony Stark does what he wants. The usual.

Story Masterlist

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━

Matt had a suspicion that Tony Stark liked to show off his wealth. He also thought that Bruce Banner definitely was more of a good host than anyone would expect from a man turning into a huge green monster (not that Matt could tell the colour).

With these two things combined, they ended up in what seemed to be a living room for all the Avengers, cups of coffee in front of themselves, Bruce talking in hushed voice with the other genius.

Foggy – after making sure it was okay for what could be four times – excused himself to the balcony so he could admire the marvellous view from the Tower. Matt was frankly sure he took a selfie. And Thor disappear god knew where, no pun intended.

Which left the captain and Matt alone, each of them sitting on a different couch. The silence wasn’t particularly awkward, but neither it was comfortable.

It made Matt realize that he was probably the only one to perceive silence in this situation. Which was really, really weird.

“How you’re holding up, Captain?” he addressed Steve hesitantly and the man in question raised his head to him immediately.

He was still glasses-free, which meant Matt had his emotions served on a silver plate. It dawned to him that while for him personally the glasses shielded people from the uncomfortable sight of his unseeing eyes, they had much more important function. Matt wasn’t sure if it was a Steve Rogers thing or Matt Murdock’s face thing, but boy, thank god for the red lenses. They were a mask on their own.

“I’m fairly sure we can drop the titles, Mr. Murdock.”

“Matt.”

Steve extended his hand Matt’s general direction. “Steve.”

Matt chuckled as the absurdity and accepted the hand, this time trying to be wary of using too much force. To be honest, he was surprised how well was Steve coping. The supersoldier had been blinded and given terribly strong senses; he was holding up incredibly well.

“You seem to be doing really well, Steve. How are you really?”

Matt was met with a sight of himself shrugging, his face once again revealing more than the simple gesture. It’s not easy, the expression said. I’m fine, the gesture hinted. Strange dichotomy. Was it like this with him all the time?

“Well, I’m trying. It’s… overwhelming.”

Matt laughed humourlessly. “That’s one way to say it.”

“But… the Tower seems to muffle the noise of the city pretty well, rooms seemed rather soundproof. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you to live like this all the time…” he hesitated, as if he was reluctant to say more. “I… I think that… the body remembers a way to cope though. When Foggy came to the apartment… the world fell silent. Not completely, just… it… he grounded me.”

Matt watched him struggling to explain the feelings, the soft note of awe and admiration in his voice, and couldn’t help but relate – to the struggle, not the admiration. That part was just… unexpected. He wasn’t used to people acting like this. Foggy could never understand, no matter how much he tried; and everyone else… it was just waves and waves of pity washing over him whenever he mentioned things weren’t always easy; so as a rule, he tried his best not to.

But Steve seemed simply astonished. Matt wasn’t sure how to respond to that. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

“Well, I guess there’s something true about that. I… people help with that. If I can focus on something or someone, it gets easier. Foggy… he is a good thing to focus on. Just… please don’t mention it in front of him.”

Steve looked like he was considering the pros and cons for a minute – lying and keeping secrets versus the consequences of telling the truth – , and then nodded.  

“Well, I’m just grateful. It’s none of my business.”

Lots of things aren’t, Matt heard despite no more words spoken.

He smiled at Steve with relief and gratitude even though he knew the man couldn’t see it. “Thanks, Steve.”

The soft smile was thrown right back at him.                                        

“What about you? How you’re holding up? I’m not exactly… great at interpreting all the info I’m being offered…”

Matt huffed. “To be honest, I think I understand what you mean by the muscle memory thing. I knew Doctor Banner was a friend of some sort when he approached me. It’s all… weird.”

Matt knew he didn’t need to say that he meant mainly the ability to see – Steve read between the lines.

“Imagine that,” Steve hummed vaguely, lowering his sightless gaze.

“I guess I just want this to be over with,” Matt admitted, feeling the tiredness settle in his – Steve’s – bones.

At that, Steve raised his head again, his eyes somewhat searching. Curious, but not noisy. Compassionate, but not pitying. Understanding, Matt realized.

Steve opened his mouth several times without a sound coming out and then spoke in soft reluctant voice.

“I was given this opportunity to… to serve my country despite being sick most of my life and I…, finally be able to fight for what I believed was right was all I could want. I had something I could never hope to have. And after the transformation… I had this recurrent dream, almost every night – still have it sometimes. I dream that wake up and… I’m back to my old self. It only gets worse with time. The longer I live like this… the worse the dream about relapsing is becoming. And it’s not the fact itself that I’m small and helpless… it’s that I am small and helpless again.”

Matt’s lips parted, releasing a shaky exhale under Steve’s genuine eyes – well, his own, whatever. His heart was hammering in his ribcage, the world swaying off its place slightly.

How… how was he able to get to the very core of the problem? How— how could he know exactly the worst part? Because he knows it, a tiny voice whispered in Matt’s head. He knows it.

Matt had no doubt Steve was telling the truth – and he finally understood what Foggy meant when saying that Matt was a terrible liar, seriously, Matt Murdock’s face screamed truth right now and it wasn’t hard to imagine that lie would be just as clear.

Matt fought against the lump in his throat, swallowing loudly.

“Yeah,” he rasped, watching the corner of Steve’s lips rise in a lopsided sad smile. “Yeah, I know exactly what you mean.”

Or once, Matt was sure of his own feelings. He didn’t hate the ability to see. He was in peace with not seeing too, for most part.

But he despised the limited period he was given the great opportunity, only to be robbed of it. Again.

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━

“So, I have an idea.”

“That can’t be good,” Matt murmured under his breath, making Steve chuckle silently. In response, Matt’s heart skipped a beat, probably not expecting to be heard.

Tony was oblivious to the note, so Steve assumed Matt truly spoke too low for anyone to hear it. Except for a guy with superhearing, who was now in the position of being surprise surprised by being heard. Steve thought that maybe, one day he would be able to truly laugh at that.

“It’s very scientifically advanced so I’m gonna say it in plain English…” Foggy, Steve and Matt all held their breaths, while Bruce… Steve was pretty sure he rolled his eyes, even though he had no way of knowing that. “You should go to sleep.”

“I beg your pardon?” Matt blurted out.

Yeah, what he said. When had Steve zoned out enough to ignore Bruce and Tony talking anyway?

“Hey, I don’t want to explain it in science talk-“

“There’s zero ‘science talk’. We just think that if the artefact affected you in sleep, it might activate again when your consciousness is in the same state as it was during the first exchange,” Bruce cut him off and Steve could feel the shuffle of air as Tony gave his friend an annoyed look.

“Now you’re just oversimplifying-“

“Tony, that was a thinking of a five year old reading enough fairy tales-“

“I don’t think I can fall asleep now and like this,” Matt sighed, interrupting the bicker.

“I kinda agree,” Steve confirmed hesitantly.

“Yeah, well, in this century, we have those things called sleeping-pills,” Tony informed them sassily and Steve crossed his arms on his chest. Yeah, sure, except he would need a dose for an elephant. Or, well, Matt would need it. Steve’s actual body would. Whatever.

“I don’t like drugs.”

“Yeah, drugs are bad,” Foggy stated and Steve knew he crossed his arms as well. “I mean… he really doesn’t like it.”

“It messes with me for days. Call it oversensitivity…” Matt explained reluctantly, his voice sheepish and clearly uncomfortable.

“Yeah, well…”

Too late, Steve smelled something that set all alarm bells in his head off. It was a strange smell, artificial, making his stomach turn up. Before he could locate the source, he felt a sting on his neck. His hand immediately went to cover the place, strange warmth spreading through his body.

“HEY!” three voices protested loudly and Steve’s world swayed. His fingers touched a small object sticking from his skin, pulling it out with another sting.

With mind cloudy and his limbs swimming, he identified it painfully slowly. A tranquillizer arrow.

Tony had never meant to ask them if they wanted to go to sleep. Of course he hadn’t.

Steve didn’t even manage to curse. The world turned upside down and the last words he heard were ‘sorry pal, you’ll need like ten of these.’

And then the world went silent.

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━

“When I wake up – if I’m gonna wake up like myself again –, I‘m gonna ask someone to punch you,” Matt growled, watching his own body crumbled on the couch. That son of a bitch-

Tony Stark didn’t even have the decency to look guilty and shrugged.

“Sure thing, DD. Or MMM? Gotta love these alliterations. Anyway, you might wanna sit down again. It sucks to drag Cap’s body somewhere. Lots of muscles. Which is why we need to give you so much. Fast metabolism and shit.”

“Matt, I volunteer,” Foggy informed him stiffly and it took Matt a moment to realize what ‘call to arms’ Foggy was responding to.

“I think I’ll just find him when my senses are back too normal and hit him myself. It would be more satisfying,” Matt hissed, but sat down on the couch, getting ready to be dosed with what would probably be enough medication to bring down a horse. Or an elephant. Or the whole herd of elephants.

“Kinky.”

“Tony, please…” Doctor Banner cooled down his sassy friend, his hand massaging the bridge of his nose. “Just… do it, since you already set the plan in motion without, you know, asking for permission.”

“Non-consensual drug use. You’re drugging him against his will. Matt, you can have the punch. I’ll just sue his ass off.”

Despite the annoyance and anger, Matt couldn’t help but grin at his best friend’s note.

“You just got yourself a deal, counsellor.”

“Cute. Now sweet dreams, Cinderella.”

“I’m pretty sure that was Sleeping Beauty…” Matt murmured and it was the last coherent sentence he was able to say, because next thing he knew, he felt several stings, warmth enveloped him in a blanket and his eyelids started feeling too heavy. He couldn’t fight the natural response of Steve’s body and his own – it didn’t want to yield.

On the other hand, the amount of drugs that had just been pumped into him was way too much to handle.

Foggy was kind enough to hover over him; so it was him what Matt potentially saw as the last thing and not the smirk on Tony Stark’s face.

And then… darkness greeted him like an old friend, painting everything in black.

Still, he could hear the annoying voice of the billionaire. “Well, at least he admitted he was a princess…”

━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━◦○◦━

Part 7

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Tags: @mermaidxatxheart​

@igobypoet​

[howl-of-the-blood]

R♡mantic Opti♡ns in HotB

I already posted these separately and now I’m placing them all together. Also, if you have some asks about my lovelies, I’m totally up for it. You can go full ass bonkers with your questions, I love those (￣ー￣)ｂ

~

Pros:

ʜᴇ ɪs ᴠᴇʀʏ sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛɪᴠᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴏʏᴀʟ. lalik will be your best friend forever and back you up through all the hardships. nothing can waver his devotion to you.

sᴏғᴛ-sᴘᴏᴋᴇɴ. even when you are at your worst, for whatever reason, he’ll never fight back. lalik doesn’t like to yell or even raise his voice. he’ll always give his best to calm the storm and talk things through.

ᴄᴀɴ ᴇᴀsɪʟʏ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴀᴜɢʜ. he constantly goofs around, cracks jokes and makes terrible puns. in general, lalik will make a complete fool out of himself just to see you smile.

ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴅᴀɴᴄᴇʀ. there is no foreign or a traditional dance he can’t learn in a matter of minutes. and dancing is the only occasion he doesn’t blush when touching you.

ʟᴏᴠᴇs ᴛᴏ ᴄᴜᴅᴅʟᴇ. even though he really desires to hold you constantly, he’ll never make the first move. not until he learns exactly when, where and how do you like to cuddle. which probably means pretty deep into the relationship.

ʜᴇ ɪs ᴀ ☆ᴍᴀɢɪᴄɪᴀɴ☆. and he doesn’t mind using his magic for your pleasure.

~

Cons:

ɪɴᴅᴇᴄɪsɪᴠᴇ. his meek personality often holds him back. he’ll rather postpone making a choice or avoid any responsibility altogether. he needs to be coerced. a lot.

ᴄʜɪʟᴅɪsʜ. goofing around is fun, but lalik can take it too far and be pretty annoying. his pranks are sometimes cruel. making him act serious can be an impossible task.  

ᴄᴏᴡᴀʀᴅ. if he can help it, lalik will rather run away than face his fears but not necessarily out of the lack of courage. it’s rather more complicated.

ᴍᴀᴍᴀ’s ʙᴏʏ. if he gets too stressed, he’ll just go to his mother. which will often cause even more stress. lalik is the only son of a very strong-willed woman on a mission. you get the picture.

ʜɪs sᴜᴘᴘᴏʀᴛ ᴄᴀɴ ʙᴇ ʜᴀʀᴍғᴜʟ. lalik will do anything for you and seldom confront you even if he disagrees. this can lead to some unintentional enabling behaviour.

~

Pros:

ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟɪᴍᴇɴᴛs ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʟʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ. and not in an insincere way. he truly sees you as the most beautiful creature he’s ever laid his eyes on. and his admiration towards you is not only skin deep.

ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ. elemir will do just anything just to keep you safe: from carrying you over a pond to guarding you with his own body and risking his own life.

ғᴏʀᴡᴀʀᴅ. you will know right away how he feels. no games with him. sometimes elemir can get too forward but he is really good at reading people. he knows when to back off.

sʜᴏᴡᴇʀs ʏᴏᴜ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɢɪғᴛs. almost literally. you can ask for the stars and he will spend next couple of weeks figuring out how to do that. eventually, he’ll get creative, but he will fulfill your every wish.

ᴀᴍᴀᴢɪɴɢ ʜᴜɢs. he is really strong but knows how to control his strength. there is no place on earth you'll feel as safe and sound as in elemir's arms.

ʙɪɢ ᴀɴᴅ ɢᴏʀɢᴇᴏᴜs. elemir is tall, handsome and muscular. and intelligent. quite the prince charming... if there wasn’t for cons.

~

Cons:

ʜᴏᴛ-ᴛᴇᴍᴘᴇʀᴇᴅ. his nature can be quite explosive. especially if you want to do something even mildly dangerous. fights with elemir are loud and long.

sᴛᴜʙʙᴏʀɴ. he'll listen to your arguments carefully. he'll even admit you are right. but it will take a miracle for him to change his mind.

ᴏᴠᴇʀᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛɪᴠᴇ. you are so precious to him that it can become suffocating. you couldn't possibly be competent enough to do certain things on your own, according to elemir.

ᴄᴏᴄᴋʏ. he looks the best. he knows everything the best. ʜᴇ ɪs ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇsᴛ.

ᴊᴇᴀʟᴏᴜs. it will take some time for elemir to trust you completely. especially since he is the one prone to casual flirting and expects you'll act the same. he is more insecure than he dares to admit.

~

Pros:

ʙʀɪɴɢs ᴏᴜᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴇsᴛ ɪɴ ʏᴏᴜ. ino is not really a gentleman per se. he will challenge you. he will push you. and he won’t stop until you realize you just how far you can go.

ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴀɴ ʙʀɪʙᴇ ʜɪᴍ ᴡɪᴛʜ ғᴏᴏᴅ. this man is always hungry and there is nothing he won’t do for a snack.

ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ᴋɪssᴇʀ. ino is a very sensual lover with superb sense of taste and smell. make out sessions with him will go on and on until your knees give out.

ʜᴏɴᴇsᴛ. only the truth or silence comes out of his mouth. he is incapable of sugarcoating things. therefore, he sometimes appears crude or even vulgar.

ᴜɴғʟᴀᴘᴘᴀʙʟᴇ. there is an air of coolness around him that is rather contagious. there is no panic, no stress around him. ino is level-headed and won’t get mad easily. but when he does... ᴀʟʟ ʜᴇʟʟ ʙʀᴇᴀᴋs ʟᴏᴏsᴇ.

ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ ʟɪsᴛᴇɴᴇʀ. ino doesn’t like to talk. but he knows which questions to ask and he can read between the lines like a proper psychotherapist.

~

Cons:

ᴅᴏᴇsɴ’ᴛ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ. and he tells you that right away. for wolcheks it’s perfectly normal to engage into a sexual relationship first and then gradually get to know their partner - or not. ino prefers to keep it purely physical.

ᴏʙsᴇssᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴀsᴛ. there is an unsolved event that he is fixated on. he’ll even go as far as hurting others that get in his way.

ᴏғᴛᴇɴ ᴅɪsᴛᴀɴᴛ. initially, ino appears cold and uninterested. which is only partially true. you have to prove you’re worthy of his attention.

ᴄᴏᴍᴘᴇᴛɪᴛɪᴠᴇ. the only thing he is openly passionate about (aside from food and sex) is winning. he will never cheat, but he will push himself to the limits just so he can have that smug look on his face.

ᴍɪsᴛʀᴜsᴛғᴜʟ. it’s not an easy feat befriending ino. but he has a very good bad reason for that.

~

Pros:

ᴘᴀssɪᴏɴᴀᴛᴇ. everything sabbeha does, she does with zeal.

ᴄᴀɴ ᴄᴏᴏᴋ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴛᴇᴀs. great ones, too. her every dish is a healthy feast, and her teas can heal any malady.

ᴇᴍᴘᴀᴛʜᴇᴛɪᴄ. although at first she appears as a grumpy misanthrope, she is actually quite caring. her healing skills are exceptional and there is nothing she won’t do for someone’s welfare.

ᴡᴀɴᴅᴇʀᴇʀ. her free spirit took her far and wide all around the world. and she will take you to her favourite places, too.  

ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛᴛᴇᴅ. sabbeha needs time to think things through. but when she does, her mind is set. it applies to her relationships as well - when you start dating, there is no other person in her mind.  

ɢʀᴇᴀᴛ sᴛᴏʀʏᴛᴇʟʟᴇʀ. combined with a wonderful voice, you will be able to listen to her for hours.

~

Cons:

ᴠᴀɪɴ. sabbeha thinks very highly of herself, especially about her appearance. she will be openly dismissive of other people’s features.  

ᴏғᴛᴇɴ sᴇʟғɪsʜ. her needs come first. period. only in case of emergency does sabbeha forget about her priorities and commits to others.

ᴄᴀᴘʀɪᴄɪᴏᴜs. her mood swings and behavioral changes are sudden and can be exhausting for everyone.

sᴍᴏᴋᴇʀ. her pipe is almost always lit and, even though the smell of herbs she is filling it with is very pleasant, it can also be very strong. especially indoors.

ǫᴜɪᴄᴋ ᴛᴏ ᴊᴜᴅɢᴇ. the first impression she makes of you will be difficult to change.

~

Pros:

ᴋɴᴏᴡʟᴇᴅɢᴇᴀʙʟᴇ. aaek is as old as time. he’s seen it all, read it all, felt it all. but he is always on a lookout for new experiences.

sᴜᴀᴠᴇ. this smooth criminal will steal your heart without you even noticing. and what will he do with it? well... 😈

ᴄᴀʟᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ᴘᴀᴛɪᴇɴᴛ. the aura of serenity that surrounds him is powerful and overwhelming. he rarely loses his temper and he is the most composed teacher you're ever likely to have.

ɪɴsɪɢʜᴛғᴜʟ. aaek will read you like a book. most of the times, of course. he loves humans because of our unpredictableness.

ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴏᴜs. he is wealthy in any way imaginable. and he will wholeheartedly share with you everything he has.

⊱ ─── ɪᴍᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ ─── ⊰ aaek’s been around for a long time and he doesn’t intend to leave this world just yet.

~

Cons:

ᴄᴏɴᴄᴇɪᴛᴇᴅ. with great knowledge and power often comes a bit of vanity. he definitively isn’t as conceited as he could be, but it will get on your nerves.

ᴄʀʏᴘᴛɪᴄ. aaek is almost incapable of answering in straightforward sentences. everything about him is mysterious.

..............................

..................................̵.̷.̴.̴.̶.̴d̶̮̣͈̻͔͔̩̘͇̺̜̟̿̕͘e̴̩̮̻̤̰̪̔̈̑̿̄͌̋̎͗̈́̀̅̂̌͠͝ṁ̸̢̢̯͖͈̘͚͎̞̞̜̠̮̤͓̎́͆̅̋͐́̈́͋̓̒͗̕ǫ̷̩͔͇͓̹͍͔̘͔͑̆͌̈́̉ņ̷̧̧̨̲̯̩̝̰̝̠̪̠͕͎̝̼̙͇̲͒͒̏͒̈̍̈̾͆̈̏̀͐̈́̍̈͆̈́̔̅̅͒͂́̍́̊͑͜͝.̵.̷.̴.̴.̶

.....................................................................

[dovakhiindrabbles]

Hello Everyone!! I hope you’ve all had a lovely time!! Personally, these past few weeks have been the roughest I’ve experienced in a long while but I’m still doing my best to be positive! So, I thought to get my mind off things I’d do a bit more elaboration on an important figure in Rosie’s life: Ma’vani! 

Ma’vani, Rosie’s uncle, is a former Aldemeri assassin who met Indeela while on the run after refusing to murder an assigned target. (and even helping them escape -- but that’ll be elaborated on later!) He stumbles into Indeela’s office, desperate to hide from the impending Aldemeri forces, and while she reluctantly helps him, the two bicker the entire time. In spite of the poor first impression, however, Hanee and Ehsan agree to let him stay and hide -- if he’s willing to help around. 

Ma’vani of course, agrees and spends most of his time pestering helping Indeela with her designs. Indeela begins to teach him how to sketch and design and Ma’vani is ridiculously excited all the while. He loves the colors, structure, and form -- he’s incredibly passionate and determined to make her proud, and Indeela eventually has to admit he’s not the absolute worst. 

Maybe he’s even kind of sweet

To thank her for all her help in keeping him safe, Ma’vani tries to plan a special evening for the two (Totally friendly, cause there’s no way he caught feelings nuh-uh), he even sewed a dress for her! (Of which, Ehsan had to help) Everything is going well, even great! Yet it all comes to a screeching halt when Aldemeri officials, led by inside forces, seek out Ma’vani once again and attempt to put him under arrest for execution. 

Indeela flips out, alongside the rest of the collective family, and Hanee, thankfully a naturally cautious man, somehow managed to never step on the toes of the Dominion, and figures a very tentative deal with the officials to save Ma’vani’s life:

Ma’vani can never leave the walls of Solitude and will suffer severe consequences if ever caught for another crime, but he can keep his life -- and the entire hold was seemingly able to breathe once again. 

It’s a grand change for Ma’vani, who spent so many years of his life traveling all throughout the world -- seeing each and every inch Tamriel has to offer -- and perhaps now that he can’t, he wants to explore more than ever, if only to show Indeela. Nonetheless, Ma’vani won’t have the other option -- no traveling would be worth it anyhow without her. Being the genius he is however, Ma’vani blurts this out loud.

From that point on, as Indeela tries to settle Ma’vani into domestic life, both begin to awkwardly walk around their feelings -- both a mix of too embarassed and too prideful. It’s a bit of a disaster until Adnan steps forward, having a deep heart-to-heart with his baby sister. Ma’vani, on the other hand, is given an extreme burst of courage from the firecracker that is Rosalie, and both Ma’vani and Indeela try to confess to one another at the same time -- they keep speaking over each other and then stopping to let the other speak -- it’s a wonder they get anywhere but they do admit their feelings. 

In the following years, they get married, and might even have a child, Ma’vani took up painting all his free-time and is known for his street-pieces stretching along the winding roads of Solitude (and rambling about how cute his wife is). Despite Ma’vani’s new life, he does still maintain a very tense relationship with the remaining Aldemeri officials within the hold -- especially with the rise of Ulfric, rumors begin to rise of the Khajit joining forces with the Stormcloaks in exchange for his freedom. Few do know of his connections to the outside world after all... (I’d like to elaborate on this later but I’d be happy to answer any questions in regards to it!) 

Personality-Wise Ma’vani is a very impulsive individual who doesn’t usually think through everything he says or does before he says or does it. He truly does mean well, however, and his quick wit and secretly kind heart more than makes up for it. He’s chatty too and is easy to befriend or just converse with -- he’s a bit more used to talking rather than listening but he can be surprisingly comforting if the situation calls for it -- not that he’s very good at reading a situation. He’s trying, and that’s what matters. 

While he’s no longer involved in the world of assassination, he was once very adept with poisons and a pair of blades. He’s still admittedly extremely agile and nimble, and could beat Rosie in a race any day (but gets his ass beat in an arm-wrestling contest)

With Rosalie especially he proudly holds the title of favorite uncle. (He’s very protective of the title as Isran enters the family -- not that he had to worry) He very much relates to and is charmed by her desire for adventure and zeal for life. The two get easily excited over everything, but on a deeper note, Ma’vani is one of the few who can relate to Rosalie’s feelings of alienation among Skyrim society. He provides a great deal of needed support to her and is partly to blame for her cockiness. In spite of his closeness to Rosalie, he’s exceedingly intimidated by both Adnan and Emeline. 

He adores Ehsan, and the two spent many evenings trying to figure out plans to make a bold man out of Hanee -- that or pranks, they’re avid fans of both. 

Fun Facts

- Ma’vani calls Indeela ‘Nightingale’ for her brooding and snippy nature when they first met. He’d even call her ‘Nightie’ if he really wanted to push her buttons, but now it’s morphed into a loving nickname for his beloved. 

- Ma’vani and Aisha are the most annoying pair of best friends anyone has ever met. They’re the exact opposite of the two sisters at the Radient Raiment, but you might lose your mind listening to them prattle on and on, but they’ll have fun anyways. (Makna has to take Ma’vani away so Aisha can work or she’ll get too distracted most of the time)

- Ma’vani doesn’t talk much of his own family much anymore. It hurts his heart too much to think of it, knowing he can never see them -- but Rosie vows to help him, and as she becomes a hero, she intends to keep her promise.

- He has quite the sweet tooth! He was, in fact, the first to introduce Rosie to her favorite treat, lavender dumplings!

- A humongous cuddle-bug

- Ma’vani does very much so like the worst and cheesiest puns to ever grace the planet, and he just loves trying them out on shop vendors throughout the day -- he finds it almost funniest when they’re deadpan. (He thinks almost anything is funny if it’s coming out of his mouth -- he’s the funniest person he knows) He and Ehsan are very competitive in terms of who can come up with the worst joke. 

- Ma’vani’s torn ear was a recent occurrence during his time with the Aldemeri officials awaiting his fate. It’s left him mostly deaf in that ear, and there was an immense adjustment period as he learned to adapt. He’s not very proud of the scar though, seeing it as a reminder of his past. 

Anyhow, that’s just about a good basis for Ma’vani’s character! I’m hoping to release a couple prompts involving him, Rosalie, Indeela, and other members of the Rosalie family! I would like to begin releasing parts on Emeline’s part of the family, but Adnan’s got a huge family of his own with a whole lot of personality! Goodness, it’s just the beginning and there’s so much to explore -- I’m honestly so excited!

If you’d like any other information about the Rosieverse, here are some links:

Rosalie Bio

Rosalie’s Parents (Emeline and Adnan)

Eldrims Bio

Eldrims Past

Adnan’s Side of Family

[kelhirt]

The next leg of my journey: Deutschland und Portugal

Two days later I was on the absolute worst flight of my life to Germany. That is a whole other story in and of itself, so let’s keep it short and hit the high points: 4 delays, 3 airport changes, landing 7 hours later than planned at Ulster Airport, making me take a two hour taxi ride south with strangers at 3 am to get to Cologne, my original destination.  Shout out to the Claussens, my German family, for being patient and still waiting for me to arrive via taxi at 5 am…9 hours later than planned.

The next five days were filled with both fun adventure and relaxing with the Claussens at their home in Bad Honnef, a city right on the Rhine. Jette left the day after I got there to work at a hostel in Portugal, but we were able to visit Burg Eltz and have a family picnic on the island park in Bad Honnef before she left. 

Each day was something new; except for brekky, I always ate the fresh laugen (pretzel bread) with jam because I can’t ever get enough. My mouth is watering just thinking about it! I fell off my bike on a journey with Elise to get cheap Birkenstocks because it was too big, which made for a good laugh for both us, and the people passing by. We hiked one of the seven mountains in the Rhine area, explored Köln, drank lots of Kölsch during a last minute stop at the city’s Kölsch Fest, drove the Rhine River path, and had a cookout. All this time, I was able to practice my German and look like a fool while I was doing it. The last night I had there, I helped Peter coach soccer, which was a grand time! I was playing with and against young soccer stars who wanted to practice their English with an older American woman. When the scrimmage came around, I had a young boy who was my ally and assisted in a goal I made. I tried not to get into my competitive mode and I’ll absolutely give those girls credit for whooping my butt most of the time.

Elise and I overlooking the Rhine Valley

Because the Claussens are family to me, leaving was really tough. Peter dropped me off at the bus stop at night and I woke up in Berlin the next morning. I used the public bathroom at the bus/metro station to brush my teeth, change, and quickly oriented myself with the metro. I dumped my stuff at the hostel and headed out for a full day of sightseeing. I started my day at 8am and ended back at the hostel at 8 pm, where I paid 5 euro for a freaking towel because I was disgusting from walking the city in high heat. I’m sure I looked like an absolute wreck, because the guy in line behind me offered to pay for my towel when I was debating spending the money or not...my desperation was evident and very real.

The day was fantastic though! At first I was overwhelmed with my map of points of interest, so I started with a boat tour through the city which helped to familiarize myself with directions in the city. Don’t worry, if you know me and my love for maps, I still had it out about 85% of the day. I was a full-blown tourist that day as I made a big loop of Berlin, hopping on and off the metro to make sure I saw all the things. I sat down in places that radiated good energy or cried for more attention. I played in a sprinkling fountain at the Berlin Cathedral with two other tourists because it was hot as hell, and we thought there was power in numbers: they wouldn’t think oddly of 3 people vs 1 cooling off in there. When I got back that night, I was exhausted but eager to journal about everything I saw that day so I didn’t forget anything. As I was journaling, a guy from Syria started talking to me.

Side note: The intro line for guys who are smoking: “do you have a lighter/want a cigarette” is NOT a great way to start a conversation. But I had that happen three times abroad.

Memorial to the Murdered Jews

Berlin Cathedral

Back to Berlin and the Syrian guy that disrupted my journaling to ask for a lighter (though he ended up having one, go figure!)  He and his family were refugees and he opened up to me about living in Syria during the war. It was one of the most eye opening conversations I’ve ever had the privilege of having. I ended up being speechless because I had a human being telling me what their “normal” was, which involved bombings a village away and death being a constant. I could never imagine what that was like, a topic I later reflected heavily on. I mean, how blessed are Americans that our (whole) country has not been destroyed physically and socially. (I might argue it’s on its way to social destruction but eyyy, I’m not about to get political. Please just be a genuinely kind person, honestly).  Because he was so open, I felt comfortable asking questions, which led to some pretty intense conversations. He surprised me when he casually showed me where he was shot one morning while enjoying breakfast outside. Holy man. Three weeks earlier I was sitting outside enjoying tea and biscuits, listening to the birds and the ocean on an Irish island, worried about absolutely nothing. Again, I felt overcome with deep sadness for him and the countries that are war ladden and overwhelming gratitude for what I had at home. He moved to Berlin to get a college education in IT, and disclosed that if he hadn’t been shot in the shoulder and taken to a Turkish hospital, he and his family would have died in a bombing that annihilated their village just days later. I can’t make this stuff up you guys. Talk about humbling and opening your eyes to different perspectives.

 On a lighter note (no pun intended), I did the same thing the next day. Started with some laugen (OBVI!) Jumped on the metro and got off near the Berlin Wall, East Side Gallery. I walked it twice and found something new each way. I sort of got scammed, which was absolute crap because I’ve spotted every trap on my travels. Needless to say, all I wanted to do was sit down and cry for being an idiot, but what good would that have done me? None. So I took a hard lesson, got back on the metro and headed to a beautiful little city just outside of Berlin called Potsdam. I saw most of the palaces, relaxed in the gardens, and chatted with other visitors. I still had lots of negative self-talk that I fought with all day for the morning’s unfortunate happening, but I persevered in site seeing anyway. This is one of my favorite things about travel. Making a really stupid mistake and being able to acknowledge it and move on.

Berlin Wall, East Side Gallery: a mile of amazing art!

Potsdam Palaces

 Berlin was so unique; it was equally as exciting and huge as it was cozy and welcoming. Definitely a place I would love to spend an extended period of time in! But I had places to be; namely Portugal with my German bestie, so the next day I hopped on the plane and headed to Faro, Portugal on the Algarve Coastline. My hostel room had 8 beds and was filled with Spaniards my age to a 40 year old Italian men. Quaint and homey, the hostel was not ready for what it would experience during the upcoming week. Brekky everyday was fantastic in the sense it was a time for connection and community. Everyone was eager to learn something new about everyone. I usually ended up eating with two Belgians, one of whom was a pilot, so my fears of flying were squashed when he gave me some very helpful information on planes. It was when I could talk to the people I shared a room with and through that, the Italian man, Luigio, took a liking to me. He was genuinely concerned that I had a great time in Faro, always asking if I slept alright, making sure I knew about the best places to go and reminding me that it is super easy to burn, so make sure I applied sunscreen regularly. When I burned like a tomato, he said: “Kelli, I warned you. What happened?” then told me about his prescription sunburn relief that was in the fridge. He was my acting dad for a few days. He always made me smile.I stayed a week, so people came and went, and later ended up meeting a Brazilian that lives in Dublin. Fast forward three weeks and I’d be staying at her apartment with a friend. Cool how that stuff happens.

Breakfast was also where I met two guys from Austria and Azerbaijan who seemed discombobulated and grumpy the first time I interacted with them. After I got to know them, I realized they were both just to the point and was hangry. Both can attest to that, and they soon became good friends. Wherever Jette and I would go, they would decide to come along. I can only describe them as lost puppies or the background noise you needed on your adventures; I say this in the most endearing way and they know I called them that, just to make sure we are on the right page. I refer to the friends I made in Faro as “a dysfunctional family” because that’s exactly what we were. We went to different beaches every day, out at night, hung out at brekky and on the roof of the hostel playing cards and made up Eastern Europe geography quizzes.

I was supposed to leave on a Wednesday, but Jette and the guys not only talked me into staying, but also found me cheap flights, because obviously money was the only thing holding me back. Nothing but a few solo days in Belfast were waiting for me in Ireland. So, in a last minute move, I extended my trip to spend four more days baking on the beach with a group of really great people.  In that time I was able to: perform at a bar with a musician, learn a new Brazilian dance, see another city, eat what some people might consider a sickening amount of falafel kebabs, attended a boujee rooftop pool party, and spend time with one of my favorite people. Faro was the epitome of the things I love about travel. Connecting with new people and hearing their stories and making friendships that continue beyond the trip. Also a bonus I got to lay on the beach an extra couple days. Thankfully it is easy to stay connected this day in age, and I talk to the friends I made somewhat often.

Germany and Portugal were two spectacular weeks. I know I’m not alone in the feeling of being a goddess following a day at the beach where your skin smells like the sun and sea salt. I experienced so much and built strong connections with others in this time. I still thank God for the people and experiences he brought into my life in these two weeks and for the adventurous soul I was born with.

Luckily, I wasn’t headed back to America yet; I still had four weeks to dog sit in NW Ireland and a visit from my best friend.

[heyhowyadoingpally]

it’s been forever since i’ve done one of these, huh?

i figured i’d bring this little series back from the dead (pun intended) for october, but i’m not gonna be looking at one pokemon at a time - i’m gonna do mass reviews.

that’s right, i’m going to do a bunch of super quick, rapid-fire reviews of pokemon. more specifically, different pokemon types. even more specifically, three pokemon types.

i’m gonna review all - yes, all, including half-types and secondaries - the posion, dark, and ghost types, in that order. i would have thrown in one more, like bug or psychic, but i think i have enough as it is to last until halloween. although, if there’s a good enough response and, for whatever reason, a demand for either of those two types, i might do one more.

just to clarify, if a pokemon is two of the types i’ll be reviewing, i’ll be placing them in the review of their first type. i.e. if there’s a ghost/dark type, i’ll be putting it in the ghost type review.

yes, these are going to be LONG fucking posts. so sue me.

with that out of the way, let’s begin.

Spooky Halloween Special Part 1: Pure Poison

#023 - Ekans

there really isn’t much for me to say about ekans. he’s really a product of the first-gen’s shtick, which was having the first chunk of the pokemon be more like mundane wildlife than anything else. and that’s something i’m more than okay with; you need mundane wildlife to balance out shit like fire-breathing anteaters and living, floating magnets.

that being said, i adore ekans’s design. there may be a good amount of pokemon out there that are based on real-world animals, but not many of them heavily resemble the animal they’re based on.

ekan’s look is so subtle yet it just works, from the reptilian eyes to the ring around his neck(?), and even the rattle at the end of his tail. hell, i never even noticed the thin lines going all the way down its body until now! maybe they could be segments that somehow help is slither around easier? who knows!

RATING:

i love ekans, but it’s not something that i would absolutely go crazy for. i gave it the extra half-point because, again, it’s one of the cooler “realistic” pokemon, imo.

#024 - Arbok

in the simplest of words, arbok is just plain awesome.

making ekan’s next stage be a cobra just seems fitting: a pokemon as “average” as ekans definitely would evlove into something weirder than a typical snake, but not too weird. cobras are pretty weird, but not too weird. it goes hand in hand.

it’s a little sad that arbok doesn’t retain some of the subtle qualities its predecessor had, like the eyes or the big ring, but it makes up for it with the kickass hood. i’m sure like everyone knows this, but in the first few games the little design on arbok’s hood differed slightly, because they’re arboks from other regions.

RATING:

again, i love its look, but it’s not an absolute favorite.

#029 + #032 - Nidoran

i vaguely remember how awesome i thought the idea of this one pokemon with genders was. of course, now pretty much every pokemon has some minor detail that differentiates their sex.

i love their cute little faces!!! they’re like adorable little rabbit-things with poisonous barbs!

oh, yeah! they’re poison types! so poison is incorporated into their design, right?

...kiiinda?

the pokedex states that nidorans have poisonous barbs sticking out of their backs, but they don’t really look like barbs. they seem more like really dull dorsal fins or something. like, if your tried to hug one of them the most pain you’d get is an uncomfortable poke more than anything.

RATING:

a neat concept for a pokemon, but the execution of the “poison” aspect didn’t really shine through.

#030 + #033 - Nidorina and Nidorino

these two changed, and for the fucking better.

i love the idea that when certain pokemon evolve, it’s really just them maturing, and the nidos did a fantastic job with their second evo. they look a lot more dangerous, but still not quite “barb-y”. i do love how the nidorino seems to naturally crawl on all fours while nidorina stand on her hind legs. it’s those subtle little things that i like.

RATING:

tbh i really don’t have much to say about these guys that i already said about their first forms. they’re more-or-less improved versions of both nidorans.

before we continue and before you say anything, yes, i’m one of those types of people who have a hard time hating any pokemon. the worst you’ll hear from me is that i’m not a fan of certain ones, but they’re nice efforts nonetheless. plus, i have a strong affinity towards the types of pokemon we’ll be looking at, anyway, so this is more of an excuse for me to gush about cute monsters.

#088 - Grimer

GOD where do i fucking begin???

this was the starting point for when pure poison (not quite yet for the half or secondary type!) pokemon really started to take advantage of the concept of...well, posion.

basically, from here on out, i’m going to be gushing a lot about the pure poison pokemon.

if you’ve been following/have known me long enough, you’ll know that i fucking adore any sort of outlandish, blobby monster. sure, most of those kinds of monsters out there are just the same thing over and over, but for some reason i never get enough of them. hell, my favorite animal is basically just a blob with a vague body shape!

everything about grimer is just so pleasing to me: the dopey expression, the little glob of goop dripping from its lip, the nubby hands...it’s even purple, my favorite color!

not to mention the fact that grimer is literally living sludge, one of my all-time favorite concepts for a monster. probably bc i associate any kind of goop monster with swamps, and you all know how much i fucking love those. i think we need more sludge/toxic monsters in our lives. i know i do.

RATING:

let’s face it: you all saw that coming.

#089 - Muk

you know, i didn’t think there was any way that you could improve a living pile of toxic waste, but game freak proved me wrong.

muk took everything i love about grimer and somehow made it significantly better. it genuinely feels like a grimer that grew larger and nastier through years of absorbing more waste and refuse. the strand of slime connecting the “lips” is a really neat touch!

 the more serious expression on its face makes me think that it hates its own existence, like it somehow just knows that it should not be alive. it’s a sad idea, and surprisingly not the darkest ideas that the pokemon franchise has ever delved into. but we’ll probably get more into that with later entries in this series.

RATING:

grimer and muk were, for the longest time, my favorite pokemon, period. that was, of course, until a certain gen 5 creature was introduced and immediately stole my heart. but, again, that’s one of those things we’ll get to soon.

#109 - Koffing

if i had never gotten into pokemon, or even monsters in general and you tried to describe certain creatures to me, i’d think these were some of the dumbest, most batshit ideas ever put on paper. koffing sounds like a weird or dumb idea, but the way a floating orb that spews toxic gasses is presented here is so fucking original.

i’ve always found it fascinating that we associate the color purple with anything poisonous. i suppose it stems (no pun intended) back from certain toxic plants having purple coloration? idk, i’m not an expert on these things.

as a little kid, i loved koffing, which i guess goes to show that i haven’t changed since then lmao. but what’s not to like about it? that’s a face that you can never say no to. koffing wants some cash so it can go out with its friends? go ahead! it wants to have pizza for dinner tonight instead of a casserole? sure thing!!! it wants to start an underground meth lab to rake in the dough to support its family? right on!!!

i especially adore the little skull-and-crossbones on its belly(?). it’s a really neat, subtle touch that didn’t even need to be on there but works so well. i especially love that it’s not just a standard jolly roger kind of crossbones that you’ll often find on monster/creatures that’re poisonous; it’s just the vague shape that makes it really feel like an animal might be able to evolve such a strange pattern on its body, which fits the semi-grounded-in-reality feel gen 1 was trying to go for.

fun fact: some real-life animals, especially insects and arachnids, have skull-shaped patterns on their backs!

RATING:

a perfect example of a pokemon that exemplifies its type.

#110 - Weezing

weezing is either a really ingenious - yet dark - metaphor, or just a really, really cool concept. or both.

i’m probably not the first person to think of this outlandish idea, but i think weezing might be some sort of weird, “hidden message” behind koffing and, more specifically, weezing.

lets take a look at this round, adorable, little cutie: 

it’s associated with toxicity and poison

it produces a gas that’s unpleasant to inhale

it has a second “head” growing on its side (with a cute little “starting crossbone”!)

both faces look quite glum

now, what in real life relates to to these aspects? what thing or things in real life are associated with being harmful or toxic; produce a gas or gaslike substance that, when inhaled, is unpleasant; can cause those exposed to it to develop large, potentially lethal lumps inside their body; and makes people quite glum?

hmmm....i just can’t think of any real-world items that could cause such dangerous, life-altering side-effects.

jokes aside, i’m more than certain i could just be pulling this connection with tobacco out of my ass. it sounds more like one of those edgy creepypastas from back in the day than anything else.

RATING:

this is the closest i think we’ll ever get to a pokemon with a fucking tumor, and whether or not it was intentional weezing’s design reminds me of real-world issues.

(m)

(f)

#316 - Gulpin

after koffing and weezing, pure poison type pokemon were few and far between. it’s a shame, since a lot of the pokemon that are solely poison are just so damn cool, even when they don’t quite show off the “poison” aspects you’d come to expect.

at the same time, i’m glad we currently only have a few amount of pure poison types out there; it makes them feel more special, like a nice treat you’d get every-so-often.

the first pure poison pokemon (how’s that for alliteration!) to appear since gen 1 was gen 3. there was an entire generation that skipped out on having really cute babies. those were surely dark time. at least they up for that with an abundance of other cute pokemon.

that being said, the first pure poison we get after a long, dark and empty era is an absolute cutie! again, i’m a sucker for round, blobby creatures. they always just look so soft and huggable! i think if i lived in the pokemon world, gulpin would definitely be one of those critters i’d snuggle up with.

you know, i really don’t know much about gulpin other than its adorable appearance. i’d really like to find out why its a pure poison! maybe i should see what the pokedex entries from the games have to say about this little cutiepie:

o h .

RATING:

gulpin’s a really neat concept, but the idea of something small and cute that also has an insatiable appetite isn’t something entirely original, and nor is it the first time a character in nintendo followed that same idea.

(m)

(f)

#317 - Swalot

listen: i LOVE swalot. but it’s the kind of love where if i sort of bring that up in a conversation people immediately assume i love swalot because of the same reason that a good two handfuls of people do.

i’m sure you can guess why some people love swalot more than others based on both its name and its rather...erm....interesting eating habit:

i told you that pokemon can get pretty morbid.

i’m really not the sort of person who "points out” something made for kids but with some sort of “underlying fetish material”, but swalot here is one of those few things that make me raise an eyebrow just a little.

but, uh, let’s look at this big cutie in a different, more wholesome light, huh?

designwise, swalot looks fantastic. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i love evolutions that look like a genuine life cycle. i can see gulpin being this sort of nymph that grows over time into this huge, squishy, toxic thing with an insatiable appetite. it almost sounds like the premise of a 1950s b-movie.

even though it’s not a major change, i love the coloring. again, it gives me the impression that young gulpin’s flesh darkens with maturity into a swalot. it’s great.

a detail that i never noticed until getting the pictures for this review is that if you look verrrrry closely, both gulpin and swalot have a faint pattern all over their bodies. it reminds me of how light looks reflecting in the ocean, all broken up like that.

RATING:

potential vorebait aside, i really love swalot’s design, even moreso than gulpit.

#336 - Seviper

there aren’t as many real snake pokemon as i’d like to think, but the ones we do get are pretty rad.

while ekans and arbok have great designs and are always gonna be near and dear to my heart, they never quite felt pokemon-y to me. yes, they were in the first gen and are revered as classics, they seem just too normal to me, you know? like they were literally just purple snakes.

i’m not saying that’s a bad thing, but when you compare them to the outlandish creatures from later generations, they aren’t all that unique. i still love them to death, of course.

seviper, to me at least, looks like what you would mentally picture if someone told you that there was a snake pokemon: it retains the basic idea of a serpent, but takes some creative liberties.

idk why but i really love the eyes it has. they sort of compliment its almost-smile, like its just about to pull a harmless prank on someone and is anticipating the gag. what a smug bastard.

according to the every pokedex, seviper’s best quality is that the entire species has had an ancient rivalry zangoose, another pokemon, for years. from what i can tell, zangoose is supposed to be based off the real-life mongoose, so what we have here is the age-old battle between snakes and mongooses (mongeese?) in the pokemon universe. that’s pretty awesome. i wish they could find more ways to tie in real wildlife habits and instincts like that.

RATING:

overall a good bean with a good design.

#568 - Trubbish

ohhhhh man. ohhhhh boy oh man. we’re at my favorite evolutionary line ever. i’ll try to keep this as contained and condensed as possible.

i’m not sure what it is exactly about garbage monsters, but i adore them a lot. maybe it’s because you can get really creative with how you design the? idk.

i’m surprised it took until gen 5 to get a real trash pokemon. grimer and muk may have been associated with filth, but trubbish and garbodor are the living embodiment of garbage. like, you look at them, and you know exactly what their shtick is. 

i’ve seen a few garbage bag monster before, but trubbish is probably the absolute cutest one i’ve ever seen! look at those big, curious eyes!!!! look at that cute overbite!!!!! look at the little feet made from the bottom corners of the bag!!! it’s such a cute little baby!!!!

unfortunately, not a lot of people share that opinion. and that’s okay. because you’re allowed to have your own fucking opinions on the internet. there’s some pokemon a lot a ppl like that i’m not too crazy for, so sue me. i’ve got my little compost child and that’s okay.

RATING:

is this cheating? i don’t think it’s cheating.

#569 - Garbodor

here it is! the best fucking pokemon to have ever existed!

you might be thinking i saved garbodor till the end on purpose, but i’ve just been reviewing these by the order they appear on the pokedex. besides, there’s just one more after this, so you don’t have to suffer much longer.

GOD i love garbodor so much. everything about it is so creative and fun and cute. i’m so glad it kept the face from when it was just a trubbish. what a cutie!!!!

i love how the garbage bag is sorta draped over its body, like the bag somehow filled up with so much trash that it burst open. i also really love how both of its arms are doing their own different things. it really gives the idea that garbodor wasn’t trying form a perfect body, just a body that works. but the greatest part of this huge baby bean are those cute little pigtails!!! god bless it for looking so cute!!!!!!!

i wanna hug garbodor so badly!!! even if it smells like garbage!!!!

RATING:

i love that funky little compost

#803 - Poipole (aka UB Adhesive)

i haven’t played ultra sun or moon, so the new pokemon in that game are still...well...new to me.

one of the new ultra beasts introduced in the games, poipole has already stolen my heart and i don’t even know it that well. it’s got all of my favorite color combinations rolled into one - blues and purples and pinks!

being an ultra beast, poipole hails from ultra space, and, apparently, from a city in ultra space called ultra megalopolis. jeez, game freak sure loves using the word “ultra”.

i really can’t say much since, again, i’ve never played either of the ultra games, but i like what i do see.

i would have wrapped up this review here, but looking at the pokedex entries for it turned out to be a fucking road trip:

poipole goes from adorably-loved to a fucking sociopath.

alright, i like this cutie even more.

RATING:

for some reason, i still get surprised whenever a new pokemon game has creative and original monster. you’d think they would have blown their wad in the first few gens, but so far they haven’t done so.

that wraps up the first part of this little “review series” next time we’ll be looking at both half-poison AND secondary poison, all in the same post. how terrifying.

...i’m sincerely sorry if you had to read through all of this

PREVIOUS POKEFART: Weedle Line

NEXT POKEFART: (it’s not out yet you dip)

[dramallamma]

For arguments sake, lets say that you DO get fat.

Okay. Just bear with me here. 

My disclaimer before I launch into my spiel is that the chances of recovery making you fat are slim. Very, very slim (no pun intended). And when I say “fat,” I mean medically overweight to the point of unhealthy. Not that  “omg I’m not emaciated anymore and Im so fat at a healthy weight” version of “fat.” Because tbh thats just another hurdle you’ll have to face in recovery and an entirely separate blog post I’ll probably end up writing eventually. But I digress.

When I consider how far I still have to go in recovery I feel literal terror in my chest. Sharp stabs of it. And I know that a lot of that is perpetuated by the concept that maybe I’m doing this “wrong” and maybe, “god forbid,” I end up “fat.” Which is, quite frankly, one of my worst nightmares. Because I’ve been there before, years ago, and I worked so hard to get away from it. I threw myself into an eating disorder that in turn turned me into what the disorder thought of as “ideal.” I cannot put into words the inner turmoil I’d go through every day when I was heavier, the physical and emotional discomfort and distress it caused. In my head I was a literal grease stain on society and the idea of going back to that is fucking horrifying.

However.

My eating disorder has stolen so much from me. I am just as miserable now, if not more so, even though I’m “thinner.” Even at my lowest weight I wasn’t happy. I was (still am, tbh) binging and purging in an obsessive compulsive manner - rules regarding my routine around it, shop lifting to afford the “supplies,” lying to everyone around me. Hauling 30 pound bags of chewed and spit food and vomit out to the dumpsters every day. I was exhausted and had anxiety attacks so vicious I’d end up being carted away to the hospital because my whole body had frozen, curled up like a dead spider, for periods of 30 minutes or more. 

Bulimia and anorexia still run rampant in my life, but I’m fighting it tooth and nail. I’ve gained some weight. I eat meals throughout the day and keep them down. I’ve stopped shop lifting, I’ve stopped lying, I’ve gotten my own apartment and I’m able to work a part time job. I was even in a relationship for a while. So I’m finally at the point where I can, with a much clearer head, take the concept of being “fat” at face value for what it is: Not A Big Fucking Deal. The issues I dealt with when I was heavier stemmed from my internal emotional illness, not from the weight itself. I think rationally, everyone who struggles with bad body image knows this anyway.

If I do continue growing (figuratively) through my recovery, and if that in turn does end up making me “fat,” would that be such a bad thing?

It would mean being free of the binging, purging, and trash bags full of vomit. It would mean being able to have a relationship, a better job (down the line), a better relationship with my mother. I’ve been doing this “underweight” thing for years and years and every time I try to recover, a major road block that almost always causes a relapse is the fear of becoming ‘too large.’ And then I relapse, and I hate every binge, every purge, every pound I have to beat the shit out of myself to take off. I hate the disordered existence. It turns me into a monster. And anything, ANYTHING, is worth breaking free of it. Even weight gain. 

So lets say you do get ‘fat.’ You go a few pounds past your body’s set point, or whatever. Lets say, for arguments sake, that you even end up medically overweight (which tbh doesn’t necessarily mean you’re unhealthy. There are plenty of overweight people with optimal physical health.) It is not the worst thing in the world. It is not worse than being controlled by your eating disorder. Its not worth not having any relationships, or independence. Its not worth becoming the middle aged/older woman or man still struggling with an eating disorder. 

Giving in to the fear of the possibility of “fat” is not worth losing your life and potential over. Its not worth the missed opportunities, missed happiness, missed relationships. 

Its just not fucking worth it. 

Tl;dr, giving in to your fear is not worth it. And also, this: 

[samwellwaffles]

Looking for fics that talk about jack and his anxiety. Any recommendations? 😘

here are some of my favs that have some some good conversations about jack and his anxiety!

Coach Z

summary: Just before the 2009 NHL Entry Draft, top prospect Jack Zimmermann overdoses on his anxiety medication and is admitted to rehab. His future turns from a clear-cut road to the top into an uncertain path filled with therapy appointments, ignored text messages, a group of boys who aren’t there to teach him a lesson about himself, and, of course, hockey.

Something Like This

summary: Jack thought his first year in the NHL would be 100% about hockey, but the reality is so much more complicated. (AU where the Goodbye for the Summer comics didn’t happen, because I had already written 80K words of this. But just because it’s canon doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy long, angsty, get-together stories, amirite?)Alternate summary, courtesy of Dracavia: What if Bad Bob didn’t say anything at graduation?

Better With Time

summary: This fic follows two similar timelines from Eric Bittle’s childhood: the past where he meets his best friend Drew, grows apart from his father the football coach, and experiences the repercussions of being a young gay boy in the South; and the present where he finds new friends and falls in love with Jack Zimmermann, star quarterback of Coach’s new high school team.Over six years Eric is faced with several difficult life lessons, but there is also joy, laughter, love, and self-discovery. More than anything Eric learns that sometimes in life, you really can only get better with time.

A Little Bit Closer

summary: Eric Bittle’s To-Do List:1.) Frame Masters in Library and Information Science diploma and send to Mama, because she never understood the lack of sleep and abuse of caffeine, but she sent cookbooks and money for good chocolate, bless her.2.) Throw away every last highlighted article, graded paper, and syllabus, because they are no longer needed, thank the sweet Lord.3.) Promote the library’s new periodic reading series, because it wasn’t the capstone project for nothing.4.) Harass Boston Bruins star Jack Zimmermann into taking a picture for @BPLWestEnd to promote the reading of his new children’s book, Jacky’s Bad Days.5.) Do not ogle Boston Bruins star Jack Zimmermann’s ass.6.) Fail step five. Repeatedly.

Production Values 

summary: ESPN Films presents… as part of the widely anticipated revival of the acclaimed sports documentary series “30 for 2030”…Out On The Ice: The Jack Zimmermann Story.How Jack Zimmermann rocked the sports community and the world when he came out as the first openly gay professional hockey player in the NHL, all while living out his storybook romance with cooking star, Eric Bittle.Produced and directed by Cassidy Hernandez***It’s hard to imagine Cassidy Hernandez’s career as a producer without Jack Zimmermann, or Eric Bittle’s career as a TV food guru without Cassidy. Their professional lives have been intertwined since the beginning. And now, years later, they’re all together again, not by chance but by choice, to tell a story more than a decade in the making.

Broken Rules

summary: Sometimes life changes really quickly. Sometimes everything happens at once. Sometimes the worst things and the best things are intertwined. Sometimes there are things that can’t be fixed, can’t be solved, only survived.Or: This is what happens when I blithely decide, “Oh, well, at least they wouldn’t end up in THAT situation,” and then my brain explains to me exactly how they COULD.

Baking is Punk as Fuck 

summary: “Yeah, dude, I guess. But, like, this is a fuckin’ liberal arts college, brah. Isn’t everyone in a band?”“I don’t know. I’ve never met anyone in a band before. I’m not in a band. Well, I’m in some school bands, but that’s not really… um. What kind of music do you play?”“…Well.”—in which instead of actually playing hockey, the guys play shitty (pun intended) DIY punk in a band called Soft Hands. classically-trained pianist eric bittle doesn’t quite know what’s hit him.

Maybe I’m Waking Up

summary: It’s almost funny. All he ever wanted was to play hockey, to play in the NHL, to win the Cup. This—Samwell, the team, the Haus—was supposed to be just a detour, but now it feels more like a destination he failed to realize he’s already reached.(Or: Jack signs with the Falconers, graduates, and leaves. It’s the hardest thing he’s ever done. What comes after is even harder.)

Book of Jubilations

summary: Jack knows logically that ACL tears are common enough that his surgeon will have done this procedure dozens, if not hundreds of times, but——but something can always go wrong. Most people in Jack’s situation will recover completely and without incident, but most is not the same as all. Nothing is sure. No one can make promises. He’s had eighteen months in the NHL and no power in the world can guarantee him any more.The plane flies over Lake Ontario. Somewhere thousands of feet below him, the Maple Leafs are preparing to take on the Capitals. His own team is thousands of miles behind him, flying south to California to play the Kings.Jack tips his head back against the seat and cries.

Of the Nature of the Wound 

summary: His first year in the NHL isn’t easy, but Jack has spent his entire life playing through the hurt.

[thezachrogers]

TOP 50 OF 2017

(revised 1/15/2018)

Well everyone, as 2017 comes to a close, and as the holidays are just a head of us full of the best and most anticipated films of the year...it is time to recap some of the best and worst movies I have seen so far this year...50 of them to be exact!

WORST TEN:

10. Life (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Sony was very vague about if this was a prequel to the upcoming Tom Hardy Venom spinoff. Even if it was or wasn’t, it would not make this film any better. So if and only if it is in fact a Marvel film, SPOILER ALERT, the symbiote makes it back to Earth, darkens (goes from white to black when hitting Earth’s atmosphere) and can kill or keep its hosts alive. The end.

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes 67% My score - 2/5 Stars

9. Transformers: The Last Knight (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

This is arguably the worst installment of the explosive franchise. I keep scratching my head as to why these films keep getting made. And then I remember, “oh yea, toy sales.” Even though Michael Bay and Mark Wahlberg are calling it quits, a sixth installment is in motion set as a prequel in the 80s that will be loyal to the original transformers animated series will drop sometime in 2019. Don’t waste your time on this piece of garbage. 

IMDB - 5.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 16% My score - 1.5/5 Stars

8. Death Note (available for stream on NETFLIX now)

I laughed repeatedly at how ridiculous this movie was. Based off the anime, Willem Dafoe stars as Anti-hero/Villain Akira who is a demon that comes along with a book titled “death note” that allows you to kill anyone you want by writing their name down in a book. Production is quality for Netflix, and I can say that I did enjoy this movie even though I knew it was bad. Definitely one for the tweens.

IMDB - 4.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 40% My score - 1.5/5 Stars

7. GOLD (now available for stream on Netflix, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Why does Matthew McConaughey now think he has to completely change his appearance and body weight in order for us to assume he is a good actor? It worked with Dallas Buyers Club because he didn’t just change his body, but it was also the token gay film of the year to take home all of the awards. Gold however has no gay undertones, neither does it have humor, nor a good story. Just a fat, balding, snaggle-toothed version of himself with an excessively hot out of his league version of Bryce Dallas Howard. Another true story that is crap and should have been made into a movie, this film should have been a straight to Redbox or Netflix feature. 

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 43% My Score - 1.5/5 Stars

6. The Heart of Man (one night only documentary for Fathom Events at AMC)

I don’t even know y’all. Why do Christians feel the need to put crap like this in theaters? I can’t even call this a documentary - there was this weird analogy/metaphorical scene throughout the film with this “God” like character (old and bearded hipster) playing a violin and this other dude, let’s call him gaptooth, running away chasing his definition of hot girls (guess they couldn’t find any to be in the movie) and he didn’t want to play violin anymore. Then the girl he is making out with turns into a crack head dude (so I guess she’s a tranny?) and he/she locks gaptooth in a cave. Whaaaaaaaaaaa? Throughout the “artpiece” there were people spilling out their guts in interview format on committing adultery. Yea it was weird. I walked out with my community group thinking “so do all of our wives think we are cheating on them? 

Yea this was just a giant turd. Don’t bother seeing it.

IMDB - 8.6/10 (probably from christian bloggers) Rotten Tomatoes - no score (surprised?) my score - 1/5 Stars

5. Baywatch (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Wow, this was so bad. I don’t know when Dwayne Johnson will ever make a good film. How is this dude the highest paid actor in Hollywood when he ONLY makes trash movies? I know he’s a great person and all but...we need a good movie from you man. With the exception of the eye candy as seen above there is nothing watchable about this movie. 

IMDB - 5.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 19% My score - 1 star

4. Power Rangers (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

You are probably not surprised, but the worst five films I have seen this year were all my wife’s doing. This one is on the list as well. I grew up a Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers fan and knew this one was going to be terrible as well. Another movie made simply to sell toys. Such a garbage movie with too many good actors like Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Banks, and Stranger Things 2′s Dacre Montgomery. Please don’t waste your time with this movie unless you have kids that want to watch as they will probably love it and want to go to the store after and buy toys.

IMDB - 6.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 43% My score - 1 star

3. A Dog’s Purpose (now available on Digital, Blu-ray, DVD)

AND THE WORST MOVIE THAT I SAW IN 2017 GOES TO...

AND THE WORST REBOOT OF ALL TIME GOES TO...

AND THE WORST START OF A UNIVERSE/FRANCHISE GOES TO...

AND THE WORST MOVIE OF RUSSEL CROWE’S CAREER GOES TO...

AND THE WORST MOVIE OF TOM CRUISE’S CAREER GOES TO...

2. The Mummy (2017) (now available to not watch on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

1. Flatliners (review coming soon)

IMDB - 5.5/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 16% My score .25/5 Stars

TOP 56 (revised 1/15/18)

56. The Lost City of Z (Now on Amazon Prime, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)The cast is superb. This a true story as far as script goes, not really much you can change..it’s just not a great story. No great character development, even though the acting is great; halfway through the movie, junior has a time jump and grows to be Tom Holland, who we now know and love as Peter Parker/Spider-Man. The movie is just weak.IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 87% My score - 2.5/5 Stars

55. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

54. The Case for Christ (2017) (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Not bad Pure Flix Studios, not bad at all.

IMDB - 5.9/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 55% Me- 3 Stars

53. Despicable Me 3

52. Bright (Review Coming Soon)

51. Better Watch Out (now on Digital)

Fun, suspenseful, thrilling movie that brings a twist on the Holiday genre. Another one for Dacre Montgomery in 2017...this is a satirical horror, and is nothing like Home Alone as what you may have thought from the trailers.

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 90% My score - 3/5 Stars

50. The Fate of the Furious (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

49. Kong: Skull Island (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

Do we need another King Kong reboot? No. Was the movie cool? Yes. This film also sets up to be a follow-up of 2014′s Godzilla and opens up to a monster universe franchise. 

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 76% My Score - 3.25/5 Stars

48. Murder On the Orient Express (2017) (now in theaters)

Probably the most A-List Ensemble cast of 2017 and directed and starred by Kenneth Branagh, this movie was lots of fun! I would recommend waiting for rental early in 2018 rather than seeing in theaters but without seeing the original film, this story will keep you guessing till the end on who did it!

IMDB - 6.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 60% My Score 3.5 Stars

47. Kingsman: The Golden Circle (coming soon to Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Just as fun as the first movie, excited for the third!

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 51% My Score - 3.5/5 Stars

46. Hush (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 94% My Score - 3.75/5 Stars

45. Lady Bird (Review coming soon)

44. Gaga: Five Foot Two (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

A peak into the life of the last two years of Gaga’s life recording and realasing her latest album “Joanne” leading up to her superbowl halftime performance. 

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 75% My Score - 3.75/5 Stars

43. Silence (now available on Digital and DVD)

42. Super Dark Times (now on Digital)

This has been the year of suspense/horror! This film is super dark (pun intended) and definitely a period piece that captures life for teens in the late 90s during the times of the Columbine shootings. Video Games do affect the brain y’all!

IMDB - 6.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 91% My Score - 4/5 Stars

41. Logan Lucky (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

The Redneck Ocean’s Eleven from the same director with dry humor. I enjoyed, definitely a must rent.

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% - My Score - 4/5 Stars

40. Ingrid Goes West (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Brilliant film about people obsessed with instagram likes and revolving their whole world around social media. Reminds me of ABC’s The Bachelor/The Bachelorette pretty people. 

IMDB - 6.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 85% My Score - 4/5 Stars

39. The Meyerowitz Stories (New and Selected) (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

The fourth and final film of Adam Sandler’s four film Netflix contact, he FINALLY delivers. Meyerowitz has already won sever film festival awards and critics’ awards. I see Oscar nods for the future of this movie. Dustin Hoffman, Emma Thompson, Adam Sandler, and Ben Stiller all deliver in this melancholy dry-wit drama, definitely has a taste of Woody Allen in it.

IMDB - 7.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% - My Score - 4/5 Stars

38. Justice League (in theaters now)

37. Happy Death Day (review coming soon)

36. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

35. The Founder (now available to stream on NETFLIX, Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

34. The Lego Batman Movie (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

33. Beauty and the Beast (2017) (now available to stream on NETFLIX, Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

32. John Wick: Chapter 2 (now available to stream on HBO GO/NOW, Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

31. American Made (now in theaters)

Based on the events of the life of pilot Barry Seal. Seal (Cruise) was an airline pilot recruited by the CIA to pilot for Pablo Escobar and the Medellin and Cali Cartel and monitor activity for the CIA. Ironic how one of Cruise’s best and one of his worst films can come out with in three months of each other. 

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 87% My Score - 4/5 Stars

30. Our Souls at Night (now available for stream on NETFLIX)

When three Hollywood legends like Jane Fonda, Robert Redford, and Bruce Dern are on screen together; it’s movie magic. Hands down, Netflix’s best original film to date. I’m throwing Oscar nods it’s way.

IMDB - 7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 91% My Score - 4/5 Stars

29. Goodbye Christopher Robin (review coming soon)

28. War for the Planet of the Apes

The final installment into the Caesar’s prequel trilogy, this is hands down the best Apes film of them all. Woody Harrelson plays the best antagonist in the Apes saga and this movie ends with you wanting more.

IMDB - 7.6/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% My Score - 4/5 Stars

27. Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri (review coming soon)

26. The Greatest Showman (now in theaters)

25. IT (2017) (now in theaters)

The reboot of the infamous clown that terrorized my childhood. Blows the original 1990 miniseries out of the water. I am so jacked up for the second installment as this film has made so much money that tells me that the all grown up versions of the characters will get an A List cast!

IMDB - 7.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 85% My Score - 4/5 Stars

24. Split (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

23. Wind River (now in Theaters, on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

No, this is not a Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), Scarlet Witch (Elizabeth Olson), and Punisher (Jon Bernthal) spinoff...however it is one of the best thriller/suspense/murder mysteries to release in the last decade! The whole cast brings it on a story about a murder on a Native American reserve where the law can barely touch. 

IMDB - 7.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 88% My Score - 4.5/5 Stars

22. Hidden Figures (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

21. Blade Runner 2049 (now in theaters)

Not my 11th favorite movie of the year, but it deserves to be this high up on the list of “best films” to appreciate what the first Blade Runner did for film and the sci-fi genre as a whole. If you’re wanting a lot of Harrison Ford, this is not your movie, he doesn't show up until 1 hour and 55 minutes into the movie. Gosling is definitely the protagonist. They left it open for there to be third movie but I also think they left it open for us to imagine what comes next as if there will not be a third. All in all it was visually stunning and was a great script for the long awaited sequel 35 years in the making.

IMDB - 8.4/10 Rotten Tomatoes 87% My score - 4/5 Stars

20. Dunkirk (Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

My all time favorite director made another masterpiece. I can say that this was an attempt at story, not character which was a little shocking to say the least coming from Christopher Nolan! Harry Styles definitely stole the show with this one! Tom Hardy's character arc was my favorite story line out of the three narratives in the film. Definitely a Blu-Ray to buy for Christmas!

IMDB - 8.3/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 4.5/5 Stars

19. Spider-Man: Homecoming (now available on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

read review in previous post here

18. The Big Sick (now available for stream on Amazon Prime, Digital, Blu-ray, DVD)

Hilarious and heart felt, this is the true biographical story of Kumail Nanjiani as portrayed by Kumail Nanjiani.

IMDB - 7.7/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 98% My Score - 4.5/Stars

17. Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (now in theaters)

16. Patriots Day (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

15. Stronger (review coming soon)

14. Get Out  (now on digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

review posted here 

13. Darkest Hour (review coming soon)

12. The Disaster Artist (now in theaters)

11. Wonder Woman (now on digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

review posted here 

10. Baby Driver (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, and DVD)

Filmed in Atlanta, takes place in Atlanta, shows off some hot spots in Atlanta I have been to on several occasions, I can say I have some bias on why this movie is so far up there. Unfortunately, this will probably be the last film of Kevin Spacey’s long career. I do enjoy his work, hate to hear who he is as a person though. Spacey did play a very minor role in this film. Arguably the best role of Jamie Foxx’s career, Ansel Elgort’s breakout performance and definitely throws 2015′s Live Action Cinderella’s Lily James as an A-List actor from here on out. Great film to watch in 4K as it is action packed, check this movie out now!

IMDB - 7.8/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 93% My score - 5 Stars

9. Brawl In Cell Block 99 (now on Digital)

Hands down, the best film of Vince Vaughn’s career. He should be nominated for the Academy Award. 180 from Wedding Crashers y’all, believe me. This film is exploding with hand to hand combat violence and acting like I’ve never seen from a comedic actor in my life. Probably the darkest action film this year next to LOGAN. I cannot say much more as I do not want to give the plot away, I think it’ll be the worth the watch if you don’t know much before watching the movie.

IMDB - 7.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 5 Stars

8. I, Tonya (Review Coming soon)

7. Coco (now in theaters today!)

Pixar never disappoints as this is one of their best films yet! Heart-warming, fun, and full of laughter, I would say this is Pixar’s best film since 2015′s Inside Out! This Pixar instant classic will remind adults and show kids the importance of family (especially this time of year)!

IMDB - 9.1/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 95% My Score - 5 Stars

6. Thor: Ragnarok (now in theaters)

Now in my top three favorite MCU films EVER!! (next to Avengers and Iron Man) Ragnarok will make you pee your pants laugh as it is funnier than Guardians 2 from earlier this year and as it was directed by co-creator of HBO’s Flight of the Conchords Taika Waititi! Learning the movie was 80% improv by the actors made it this movie that much better. The entire cast from Hemsworth to Ruffalo to Blanchett, Thor finally gets the movie this superhero deserves.

IMDB - 8.2/10 Rotten Tomatoes - 92% My score - 5 Stars

5. Wonder (now in theaters)

Can’t...stop...crying. The feel good movie of the year. Ask my wife, I literally cried from the first five minutes to the last second of the movie. This film broke my heart in all the best ways. Wonder (based on the NY Times best selling fiction novel) is a very real story about boy with Treacher Collins’ Syndrome (facial deformities) starting public school in the 5th grade and everything that comes along with it for his family and friend’s as they walk through this journey with Auggie. One of the best takes on character I have ever seen in film. This picture will be nominated for several Academy Awards including best lead actor by none other than Auggie Pullman himself 2015′s Room’s Jacob Tremblay. I want to hug every kid in this movie, the entire ensemble cast was superb.

IMDB - 8.1 Rotten Tomatoes - 86% My score - 5 Stars

4. The Post (review coming soon)

3. Molly’s Game (review coming soon)

2. Star Wars: The Last Jedi

1. LOGAN (now on Digital, Blu-Ray, DVD)

see review in previous post here.

and there it is fam - my top 50 list of 2017! Feel free to share, comment, and like! As the holidays are coming upon us this list will get updates and I will be posting single movie reviews as well! 

- Z

[feeltheblaziker]

Arctic Dogs Movie Review/Rant

So... that movie made me come out of Tumblr retirement, eh? 

If you want to see my review of Arctic Dogs, check out my review at: https://boxd.it/10CTln. Otherwise, if you want to continue reading that review on Tumblr, sigh...

Story and Writing: 0/5 Animation: 0/5 Characters and Voice Acting: 0/5 Score and soundtrack: 0/5 Overall Score: 0/20 Rating: Burn in Hell (0/5) Song: "Look Away" by Darude feat. Sebastian Rejman - youtu.be/B5hBZC-SIsE

The lazy movie poster with the Clipart-grade title card (I refused to call it a movie poster) says it all. It's the worst animated movie of 2019.

Arctic Dogs (or Arctic Justice) is what happens when Battlefield Earth, Aloha, United Passions and Norm of the North all gangbang each other to give birth to the ultimate form of animated movie cringe. I had to see it in theatres for a student price of S$6.50 (or $4.70 USD) and I wish I had my 90 plus minutes and that ticket price back. Heck, even I would want my free ticket back if I have one. So, how bad was it? (Spoiler alert: EVERYTHING)

Story and Writing:

Usually, I would put up a small spoiler-free summary of the movie, but I'm gonna go straight to the chase: it's the worst story of all the animated movies in 2019, period. Even worse than Norm of the North 2.

The story offers nothing new and it featured one of the worst, if not the worst animated movie protagonist of recent memory (We'll talk about him later). It also didn't help that because of the terrible 'writing' that was filled with cringe-worthy 'comedy' and a cliche-heavy script with extremely unbearable dialogue that sometimes don't make sense, not to mention the 90 plus minute runtime felt like three hours (yes, I swore I stayed in the theatre for 3 hours). I watched it in a threate (the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life) with my best friend and after the first twenty minutes, he gave up and played a video game on his mobile phone.

To call it 'writing' or even 'first-draft writing' is an insult to the art of animated movie writing or lack thereof. It was such an amazement into how this quality of writing was accepted and greenlit for a wide release animated movie, especially when the writers had written the scripts for Escape from Planet Earth and The Nut Job 2!

Animation:

It doesn't help that it's the same studio behind the Norm series that was in charge of the animation and what I saw was incredible: glitchy animation that looked like it was only halfway through production. In addition, the character designs looked bland, the effects cheap and nasty and the background animation non-existent.

Also, character movement, while acceptable, are not well-animated and the fur animation is half-baked. There are times where the dialogue is out of sync with the mouth movements, a clear sign it's a low budget animated movie (and not one with $50 million US dollars).

I may not be an animation student, but even I would be able to pinpoint the many animation flaws within the movie For a movie on $50 million USD, it should have the budget for a decent, generic animation, but I got unfinished C-grade animation, which is an insult even to the price of the student ticket in Singapore, especially when the easiest element to animate, snow, is so artifical I could easily compare it to Norm of the North (which was made by that same studio).

Characters and Voice Acting:

To talk about how terrible Swifty is as a protagonist is going to be the length of a 2,000-word essay (yes, Swifty was such a terible protagonist I have a whole lot to say about him), so I'm going to say this: Swifty is a terrible role model to kids because he takes advantage of someone's misfortunes without caring for the consequences, nor taking a moment to reflect on his actions. TL:DR, he's an egoistic bastard.

Jade, Swifty's love interest, had a terrible accent that also nothing engaging (Heidi Klum, as much of a nice lady she is, should never be allowed to voice act again), PB was fine but nothing special (actually, I take it back, he's the only bearable charater in the entire movie, pun intended), Magda was the Russian-accented caribou (NOT A MOOSE), Lemmy was supper annoying (was Franco smoking weed while voice acting, as per usual?) and the two French conspiracy theorist otters, Leopold and Bertha, were even more annoying (It doesn't help that Leopold was voiced by Omar Sy, a fantastic French actor who doesn't deserve to voice Norm in the French dub of Norm 1, and Berths was voiced by Klum... again, except even worse).

Otto, as the antagonist, was one-dimensional. And his puffins are rip-offs to the minions. I didn't even mention the Top Dogs, particularly Michael Madsen, who instead of cutting people's ears is delivering mail. Great.

What's even worse is the voice acting. What's the point of hiring well-known actors when they not only cannot voice well, but they made their characters even worse and unbearable? Their voice acting is so half assed, it's not even funny. However, at least Cleese did a fantastic job voicing Otto, even if he's a one-dimensional villain.

Score and soundtrack:

The David Buckley score felt obnoxiously grand because of how terrible the movie was in the first place. However, it's the soundtrack that had me at a loss at words... for all the wrong reasons.

There are 5 Renner songs in the first place. FIVE.

While I applaud Renner's efforts (consiering it's not his first time making music, and "Main Attraction" is not a terrible song in spite of it being an Imagine Dragons reject song), the problem is that all his songs were not only out of place, but up the cringe factor of the entire movie. One of my friends (who only listened to the soundtrack) commented that it's such a dissociation from the Renner I knew from Avengers and Arrival.

This is especially so for "Believer", which highlights Swifty's ego and arrogance, so much so that when I listened to the soundtrack on a train ride home, it was so annoying that I thought my newly bought earphones felt broken. No, I'm not kidding. (The earphones are the AKG-tuned Samsung ones you get when you bought a Samsung phone, and this rumoured to cost about $150 in Singapore (I bought an authentic pair for only $20)).

Conclusion:

When I review movies, my policy was to always give movies a constructive review where I talked about the good and bad of the movie and whether enjoyed it. I usually never talked down on movies since the crew behind such movies have worked hard to make them a reality. However, if the movie I'm reviewing is so bad it pisses me off into how incompentent and torturing the movie was, I will call it out. I never sugarcoat my review to make it sound good; for me, the honest truth matters more, especially if there is little to no effort put into the movie at all.

To say this was one of the most unnecessary animated movies of all time was putting it very lightly. This dared to exist in theatres across the world where it should have gone straight to DVD or Netflix in the first place.

A terribly written story that felt broken, cringe-worthy 'comedy', a virtually non-existent script, low-grade animation, a cast of unbearable and forgettable characters and one of the worst sounding soundtracks of all time. It's everything you expect from an animated movie trainwreck that was completely unnecessary and irredeemable.

While this movie is 100% unsafe for regular consumption and most regular folk should stay away, I highly recommend it to those brave enough to venture into the depths of terrible animation, or for a drunk screening because for sure, the cold brew hits.

However, as crazy as I would suggest, if given a choice, I would rather watch this again than Netflix's The I-Land, because I would rather laugh at this movie's incompetence than raging at the many stupid decisions everyone who worked on The I-Land made. So there, it's not the worst thing that came out in 2019, which is the only good thing from the movie.

Gosh, ranting about this nasty delivery makes me tired... Time to return to the Tumblr retirement home... 

[giroshane]

Hard Mode Questions: Rosario

So me and my dnd friends decided to do all these questions to help develop our player characters! I of course did my one and only Genderfluid Druid, my boi, my Rosario. (note: pronouns swap every question bc. you know. genderfluid). 

Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

Rosario doesn’t have any siblings. The only aunt who is remotely close in age, is about 7 or 8 years older than him. He’s met Tía Yolanda a few times, but she has trouble interacting with children (she’s autistic) and her quiet nature didn’t mesh well with his rambunctious tendencies. He hasn’t seen her in years now (he debated visiting her while he was in the Capital, where she was studying, but...well...then the Calamity happened. He doesn’t know if she OR Tío Emilio, also in the Capital, are even alive. He tries not to think about it--or about how he should have asked at Cranleigh...but the fear of the worst was too strong). However, were they to reunite I think they’d actually be closer. He’s grown a bit in terms of maturity and sensitivity. I can totally see them infodumping to each other all the time (once he becomes accustomed to her passion for...taxidermy).

What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like? Rosario doesn’t have a mother! NEXT. Dad #1 is Si. And Rosario absolutely admires and respects him. And Si of course unconditionally loves his child. He always knows how to make Rosario laugh (puns…). The biggest contention between them is that both have a pretty nasty stubborn streak which can make them butt heads, especially since Si is the more authoritative parent. And sometimes Rosario will put her father on a pedestal, as a result of Si’s status as The Most Famous Bounty Hunter in the Desert. Even now, that pedestal contributes to Rosario’s own self-loathing and shame over her believed “inadequacies”, especially without Si around to break down the pedestal.

What is was your character’s relationship with their father like?

Dad #2 is Odell. Rosario also loves and respects him, but it is of course in a different way. Odell is the more doting of the two parents, but sometimes this translates to smothering. Nonetheless, he has Rosario’s best interests heart and always puts his child’s safety before anything else. Odell always knows how to soothe Rosario when he’s upset, and Rosario has many fond memories of Odell singing to him to help him fall asleep whenever he had a bad nightmare.

Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know? Yes. It was a devastating blow to Rosario’s self-confidence and self-esteem, and shattered her belief in her own abilities; as well as being, in general, traumatizing. And absolutely no one knows.

On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets? Some kind of seed probably. It’s variable, they could be anything from flower seeds to vegetable seeds to a handful of beans. Sometimes Rosario will just roll them around in his hand if he’s bored; a few times he’s had seeds actually sprout in his pants. Usually a bit of spending gold, for little things, probably a stitch marker or two, and some hair ties.

Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams? In the nicest dreams, Rosario is in a forest. That’s the most common theme, but she could be doing any number of things, or any number of things could be happening. Rosario always has her full hearing. Her favorite dreams, though, are always in the desert. The sun beating down on her back, and she’s often chasing some kind of shy desert animal. She’s free.

Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares? Violence, in the worst ones. Usually some kind of violence that Rosario can’t escape, no matter how hard he tries. It can vary in method, but it’s almost always head trauma. The kind that leaves him spinning, disoriented, with no control and no hope. The worst is when it’s a mace, he can see it so clearly that it haunts him even when he wakes up. And it’s always in the same place in Cartowitt. There’s also a nightmare that’s more of a memory, and it’s not necessarily a nightmare, but Rosario always classifies it as one. He’s standing in the burnt wreckage of his home out in the desert. The sun is high, there is no wind. Everything is calm, though some remains of the house are still smouldering. Rosario used to panic, but he’s had this dream so often now that he simply sits and...not really meditates, but is quiet. When he was about 12 or so his papa made some kind of error covering his tracks after some kind of bounty; a gang of orcs looking for revenge followed him home. The protection spells surrounding the property gave them enough time to gather most sentimental items, food, water, etc. and hide in the bunker, built and magically reinforced under the home for this express purpose. They hid in terrified silence for hours as the orcs raided and ransacked the home--and, when they (thankfully) couldn’t find their intended victims, set it on fire. Since there was no way to contact help, Rosario and his parents spent a better part of a week in the bunker while the fire raged. Everyone emerged unscathed, but it was a defining moment for Rosario: it was the moment he fully realized the dangers of the desert, and the danger his papa faced day in and day out. It was also the first and only time he ever saw his parents honest to god fight (in the aftermath of this event). In the dream, this is the moment where the fire finally died down enough that the metal hatch to the bunker was cool enough to touch, and the family could safely emerge. Rosario can never bring himself to turn back and watch his fathers come out of the bunker. Actually, now that I think about it, fire is also a common theme. Everything he cares about going up in flames. Sometimes himself. Lately there’s some kind of blaring noise that goes along with the raging fire before he wakes up in a cold sweat, with an ache in his neck and chest. I wonder now if choosing the spell Flame Blade was the best idea.

Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target? Not a gun, but Si trained Rosario to use the hand-crossbows he uses in an emergency. Unfortunately Rosario did not inherit her papa’s knack for sharpshooting, so she has no particular draw to it. Her first targets were little balls of dried clay set up on rocks. It took a while for Si to convince her that shooting a cactus wouldn’t actually kill the cactus.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? Arguably it’s lower than what it was. Si often brought in enough money for them to be considered lower middle class, I suppose? Rosario was never hungry but sometimes there were dry periods where he couldn’t always get the clothes or toys (or eventually plants) he might have wanted. Now he could be considered homeless (though he really isn’t, if he reached out to his parents), or at least poor. He has trouble holding onto what little money he does have--he has been getting better at that though now that he’s a part of this ragtag group with an actual mission that requires necessities (like armor)--mostly because he’s learned how to be self-sufficient in the wilds. Can’t afford food? He saw a wild patch of onions in a clearing on his way into town. Can’t afford a bed? He has a couple blankets and he knows how to essentially make a nest/hammock in the branches of a tree. He doesn’t see himself as one, but I imagine the rest of civilized society would see him as a total bum.

Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing? As promiscuous as Rosario tends to be, she actually prefers more clothing! Something she’s kind of had ingrained in her since leaving the desert is the notion that she’s...well, weird. Even for a tiefling. The red skin, ram horns, the snake-scale patches on her skin, the tail, the clawed feet (and displaced toes), the glowing eyes, the sharp teeth, they all make her distinctly Other. As such she’s actually fairly self-conscious--she doesn’t even trust when other people flirt with her--she has to be the initiator or she thinks it’s a trick or joke. All this boils down to the fact that she’s far more comfortable with more clothing than less, lol. A way to hide the more undesirable parts of herself (scales, tail, etc.)

In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been? [REDACTED].

In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been? In the morning, as a child, he would wake up, and lie in bed, and feel so calm that he’d almost fall back asleep. He’d listen to the birds in the nests he built outside his window, and in the otherwise quiet he’d always say he’d be listening to his plants grow.

Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way? I suppose it depends on the carnage. But in general? Not at all. She’s very used to pricking herself on thorns or getting bitten or scratched by cranky animals. She’s of course very concerned if others are bleeding, but by this point she’s a good judge of when a wound is actually serious or not.

Does your character remember names or faces easier? Neither, to be honest. But if it comes down to it Rosario is better at faces. He’s better with visuals than words.

Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

Not really. To her, the best things in life are free. Or, are usually free. Money has become important in the more recent weeks, causing her to try and obtain more, but she’s never been obsessed with it at all.

Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success? Oh happiness all the way. Rosario has always believed that you can have happiness without success. After all, happiness can come from the little things: the breeze in your hair, watching a hummingbird flit from flower to flower, nurturing a plant and helping it grow. Rosario doesn’t consider himself very successful at anything at all, and yet he finds happiness every day.

What was your character’s favorite toy as a child? I honestly don’t think she had one. Like, she had some toy dolls and the like that she would use when playing but she wasn’t particularly attached to them (considering one time she ripped off the head of one of them and attached a flower in its place, thus creating the plant monster-anti-hero Flower Face). However, she Did have a blanket that Tía Carmen knitted for her when she was born that she was ridiculously attached to. She was so upset when she wore it down to tatters that Tía Carmen decided to teach her to knit so she could make her own blankets. She rarely has enough yarn nowadays, but she loves making anything she can--knitting is soothing and helps calm her down, especially if she’s feeling too hyperactive or bored.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Ambition, if only because it’s something he...lacks. Even though he has long-term life goals in mind…he has trouble actually focusing on them, especially right now.

What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before? Gender dysphoria and general poor self-esteem. Rosario doesn’t see herself as someone anyone wants to hang around with for too long. The rest of the party she just views as a fluke, and they grate against each other enough--getting agitated with Wilhelm and Memor, Fox pushing her into a panic attack (even if it was an accident), Sky’s general...apathy, weirding out Elaris by infodumping on him (and then the recent incident with the alcohol), her habit of complaining that she knows is annoying and sometimes makes her hypocritical--that she’s just waiting for the other shoe to drop and them to leave her. This notion has destroyed any relationships before they even have the chance to start: Rosario doesn’t let anything go past a one night stand with a stranger. She never believes they want anything more than that and the idea of someone knowing her body intimately and continuing to know her intimately (or at all) after the fact is terrifying to her. She’s too scared to put that kind of trust in somebody right now.

In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism? Rosario doesn’t compare himself to others simply because he already knows the truth (or thinks he does): that he just...doesn’t compare at all. His flaws stand out so starkly to him that he can’t see his own strengths, just the strengths of others, so he doesn’t bother trying to measure up because he believes he can’t. Might as well just be his weird, shitty self because they’ll abandon him eventually.

If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others? If there is no one clear to blame, Rosario will always blame herself. She blames herself for [REDACTED]; she blames herself for the criticisms she draws from her companions (even if it’s something she can’t control, like her appearance); she blames herself when spells or attacks fail; she blames herself for not reaching out to her parents (which...is her fault but is also the result of trauma); hell, she blames herself for not saving Kyle the Train Wizard. Despite him being a bad guy, he had a change of heart and she had the opportunity to try and save him, and she didn’t take it, and even if he sacrificed himself for them she still blames herself. To be fair, she also takes the blame for things that are legitimately her fault (standing directly in front of the Doom Train, for instance), but she also tends to blame herself for things she has/had no control over.

What does your character like in other people? Kindness, first and foremost. Not just to him, but to other people, and to nature. I would also say confidence is a biggie, since he has so much trouble with it. He admires it in other people. He honestly admires people who have a grasp of what they’re doing in their lives--people who are more stable than he is.

What does your character dislike in other people? I know this is a bit obvious, but cruelty, plain and simple. Especially if it’s without cause--which is why Rosario tends to protest if the rest of the party are killing someone who doesn’t really need to die. She has seen and been at the hands of cruelty, and personally she still can’t believe someone could just...Be Like That. It horrifies her, more than anything else, the darkest things a person is capable of.

How quick is your character to trust someone else? Fairly easy, in certain regards. There has to be a degree of trust when you’re sleeping with someone, right? He tends to trust easy at face value, though that can change depending on the situation. However, in regards to trusting someone else with his secrets, his fears, himself? It takes a good long while, and a healthy amount of respect (which is why Hemlock got a sizable confession from him in Portsmouth; if it had been someone else with him he would have clammed up completely, even while visibly breaking down). Elaris is only just beginning to chip at the surface. I should say this, just because Rosario doesn’t trust deeply very easily, he is incredibly loyal to those he’s felt earned it (i.e. the rest of the party and Hemlock).

How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person? Rosario can be a bit oblivious sometimes, so usually it takes a while for her to suspect someone (I’m fairly certain she was the last person in the group to realize the old lady they rescued was, in fact, The Clove; she didn’t suspect the alchemist in Hadad of ripping her off until after the fact). With people she’s close to, this does change--she actually comes to suspect them quite easier. Usually because she’s holding them to higher standards now that she knows them--but it’s also an internal suspicion. Usually unfounded, but Rosario tends to note the little grievances other party members have of her. She very easily suspects her friends of wanting her gone.

How does your character behave around children? Rosario loves kids! You know how people will shun punks but kids love the brightly colored mohawks and spiked jackets and shit? It’s the same thing with Rosario and his horns and tail! He’ll play keep away with his tail with them, or he’ll let them touch his horns. He doesn’t mind being a bit of a jungle-gym haha. He’ll lay down his life for a child (and...he kind of has hasn’t he? Back in Wolfwater and all). He may pretend that he doesn’t care for them or that he likes animals better (and...he still kind of does, just a little) but it’s very easy for a kid to melt his heart. Children are his secret weakness, honestly. If a kid runs up to him and asks him for money, he’ll give it; or if they ask for a playmate, or for help, for almost anything, Rosario is...weak lol.

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? He would usually prefer the most peaceful option--but he has fairly strong convictions, and a stubborn streak a mile wide. He is more likely to get defensive than he is to play mediator or peacemaker. It also depends on the context of the confrontation; Rosario will Avoid certain confrontations as if his life depends on it. But again, he’s more likely to get defensive than actually run.

How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation? Rosario tries to save it for last resort--if everything could be resolved diplomatically Rosario would be a much happier tiefling. However, if you press all her buttons just right she will let loose on you; she was not afraid to get in the Diamond’s face back in Hadad, infuriated that the Diamond didn’t even seem to acknowledge her and her friends as people.

What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true? For a long while Rosario wanted to become a dancer; he voraciously picked up on any kind of dancing he could get people to teach him--even belly-dancing over his teen years! At the time, he viewed his passion for greenery and gardening and animal care as just a hobby. He was even hoping to go to the same bard school Tía Selena went to, since she’s the best dancer he knew. But that all changed after a rare visit from Tío Hector when Rosario was about 14. Rosario actually really only met him on this one occasion, since Hector’s such a drifter that it’s incredibly hard to pin him down. Hector specializes in street magic, busking in different places with impressive tricks to earn money. When visiting he used this kind of magic to make flowers bloom in Rosario’s hair, or make them appear and disappear and all sorts of tricks. Rosario was absolutely mesmerized. From that visit onward he vowed he’d learn any magic he could get his grubby hands on. This eventually evolved into wanting to become a Druid as he learned about them in particular. So, technically no--but Rosario still loves dancing! He’s just had a switcheroo--dancing is now just a hobby, and his passion for nature is now at the forefront.

What does your character find repulsive or disgusting? Very similar to 23, she finds cruelty absolutely abhorrent, in whatever form it takes--animal abuse, people abuse (slavery, beating, etc.), hell, even what is arguably plant abuse (deforestation). It’s disgusting to her that people cannot respect and love this world and its inhabitants.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable. He’s back in the desert, not far from his home. A cluster of cacti and underbrush surround him. He’s knitting--it’s been a long day of, well, whatever--and he wants to unwind. A couple of baby snakes are nestled in his lap, their mother close by sunbathing with a few more babies. One baby is curled around his horn. He’ll be able to watch the sunset from here.

Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable. In a situation where she has no control over anything whatsoever. She can’t escape, she can’t fight. Someone or something’s bearing down on her. She can’t win.

In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve? Rosario can get defensive, but more often than not he’s self-deprecating. If someone criticizes him he’s more likely to acknowledge it and own it. “Oh, they’re criticizing my abilities. That’s fair, I’m terrible.” Ever since [REDACTED] he doesn’t believe that he’ll ever improve--not really, no matter how hard he tries. Nor does he believe that he’ll ever recover from that trauma--a part of him doesn’t think he deserves to.

Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method? She’ll try different things. Back in the Desert, getting stuck on one possible solution could mean life or death. You have to be willing to try new methods or think outside the box in order to survive. One time while camping she got caught in a sandstorm. She managed to take shelter behind some boulders but in the powerful winds her tent got blown away. When trying to make a new tent out of blankets didn’t pan out, she decided to go the way of the sidewinder rattlesnake (fittingly enough, her father’s namesake), and burrow herself into the sand to keep cool and take shelter from the blistering sun. While she did get sand everywhere, she didn’t die of heatstroke, so there’s that.

How does your character behave around people they like? Caring and helpful! He wants the people he likes to be okay, plain and simple. Now if it’s like as in like like (lol) he’s a mess. He’s still caring and helpful, but he also tends to be far too praising and is far more likely to stumble over his words.

How does your character behave around people they dislike? He’s more scathing in his words; his sarcasm is brutal and biting. He doesn’t respect them and he’ll make that abundantly clear. He’s not one to hide his true feelings.

Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status? Her honor, or what little she has of it. She doesn’t give a fuck about status. She doesn’t really care about honor either--except when it comes to her family. She believes herself a disgrace to her family name, but god forbid anyone insult her family. She will defend their honor to the grave.

Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat? He’s a stubborn ram. He’ll try removing the problem/threat until he knows for a fact he can’t (and even then, he may keep going. He still hasn’t learned…). Especially if someone else’s life is at risk. He’ll remove that problem/threat if it kills him, if it means protecting someone else.

Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)? Many, many times. Rosario has a deep respect for nature, but she also loves interacting with it. It’s become a bit of a Steve Irwin situation: if an animal bites her, she knows that it’s likely her fault because she got in its face. She did get upset the first time an animal bit her--a bird pecked her fingers, thinking she had food; but not because of the pain, but because then Plata tried to crush the bird. Plata is Si’s horse. She’s very fast and notoriously touchy. Si didn’t stop getting kicked for years after he got her. There was a big fear that she’d hurt Rosario, to the extent that Si learned Speak With Animals solely to explain to her the situation and very clearly state that if she harmed a hair on his child’s head he would see to it personally that she got sent to the glue factory (or…the Dungeons and Dragons equivalent). He didn’t need to worry though. Plata became as protective over Rosario as a guard dog. She protected her as if Rosario was her foal. Rosario is the only person in the world Plata has not tried to kick (she has nibbled her though, when she gets exasperated or irritated).

How does your character treat people in service jobs? Rosario is very respectful and polite! He understands they are just trying to make a living, which is usually why he won’t rob them or even try to haggle. However, that changes if (and only if) they’re mean to him out of turn.

Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first? Rosario isn’t sure if she deserves to be alive, so. She absolutely believes she must earn what she wants, in whatever way that means, be it education, money, good deeds, etc. She’s a staunch believer in karma--if you do good things, good things should come back to you.

Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them? I wouldn’t say necessarily a parental figure, but when Rosario finally joined a Druid commune to get proper basic training, the chief of the commune, Sybil, looked out for him. She gave him space when he needed it and never pried into his past (during a time where even asking about his ear made him shut down and panic). She also kept him focused and encouraged him in his pursuits. I would say that he was actually doing fairly well (mentally/emotionally) under her tutelage until she sent him out into the world. He did well for a while…then relapsed.

Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them? Rosario counts all plants under her care as dependents. In a way they’re little pieces of encouragement: I can keep these little guys alive, that means I’m good for one thing, at least. Also when she was younger there was a den of snakes near her home; she took care of the mother to the point that the mother trusted her around her babies just fine. Rosario always made sure Hera (what she named the mother snake) and all her children were protected and fed.

How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it? Rosario can say “I love you” very easily without meaning it--it often slips out in “the heat of the moment”s and such. He’s also used to saying it platonically/familially, so hearing him say it is a common occurrence among friends and family. Romantically is a whole other ball game however. It’ll take a lot of effort to earn that one. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? Hopefully a painless, endless nothingness. Just...ceasing to exist. Void. It sounds nice, honestly, not scary. The process of dying, however, terrifies her.

[aspergersissues]

13 Reasons Why

This post will contain spoilers for the show and real references to suicide. Please don't read this unless you're okay with both. I talk to almost no one that knew me during my middle/high school years. Basically, only family members. Even then, my adoptive parents never took what I was going through serious and probably didn't talk about it much other than just mentioning general bullying. Because of that, I want to use the new Netflix series 13 Reasons Why to illustrate the severity of things. I just finished 13 Reasons Why, tonight. I heard about it on a podcast a few days ago– that people were saying it glorified suicide, followed by a brief description. I watch the first eight hours on Tuesday, then the remaining five hours today. I was glued to it. First, it does NOT glorify suicide. It shows how horrific a choice it is and how much it impacts everyone around the person. The fact they even showed the suicide itself and her parents finding her showed how awful and ugly it is. I don't understand how that's a controversy unless people just haven't watched it and are basing it on the synopsis. Now, with that out of the way. I am Hannah Baker. Well, I was. I was bullied as bad as she was and possibly worse. Everything she went through in the series is remarkably similar to experiences in my life (including the fact I almost committed suicide twice). It was eerie. I've been crying my eyes out frequently, the past few days, recalling things I'd buried way down and tried to forget about. I know this series is hard as hell to watch, but I want to ask something of my friends and family: If it won't be psychologically triggering for you, please watch the show for me. I want you to fully grasp what I've been through. It's hard to understand this through me giving short details. Seeing it acted out in front of you, as this show does, forces you to feel it. Once you have, or if you don't mind spoilers, read ahead. I wanted to take the 13 tapes in the show and look back at my life and similar incidents. The fact these are all so similar shakes me. No one should suffer through a life like this. No one. I speak out about this when I am able (which isn't as much as I would like) in some unlikely potential that just one kid can be spared from this. Just like Hannah, every time I tried to reach out for a social connection, it was ripped away harder. I am very bad with names (damned prosopagnosia), so bear with me if I have to use a description of a character over a name. Justin- I think this is Hanna's first tape. She went on one date with the guy and they kissed. He had a suggestive picture of her going down the slide and that turned into the rumor that she fucked on the first date and was a slut. I didn't get that rumor since I didn't date until I was 18, but rumors spread quickly as hell. I don't remember them all now, but I heard in 6th grade that people thought I regularly took LSD. Everyone knew I was gay (I am, but that's a complicated issue for other reasons). There were dozens of rumors floating around about me, each more crazy and horrible than the last. People assumed they were true and they followed me my entire time in public school, resurfacing at the worst times. Jess- Hannah is assigned a friend by the school, but it actually worked out. Then they quickly grow apart, but Hannah doesn't find a new friend. I was assigned a friend by the school. More than five times over the years, I don't remember the exact number. It never worked out. Never. They had other friends and no need for me. They quickly decided rumors about me were true because I was a little weird and started avoiding me or bullying me with the others. Alex- Another friend that grew apart quickly, but then made rumors about Hannah worse. I had a few people I'd latch onto for a few months here or there that would then turn on me to get a laugh from their friends at my expense. These were usually how rumors about me got so crazy. They would embellish older ones and make them more extreme and get believed because we'd hung out a few times. Off the top of my head, I remember six of these. These hurt BAD. Nothing like trusting someone only to have them turn on you. What was worse was the ones who used stuff I showed them to make up new rumors that had hints of truth to be more believable. Tyler- the stalker. Taking pictures of Hannah in her bedroom and other places. I've had three stalkers in my life. One in high school and two after. I've experienced the awfulness of not feeling safe anywhere and always thinking that someone could be looking at you. Thank god this was before people could easily share pictures on the internet. ((honor roll girl with the gay dads))- I'm impressed it took me this long before I forgot a name. This girl hangs out with Hannah and they attempt to catch the stalker together. They get a bit tipsy and honor roll girl starts to kiss Hannah and pressure her to make out, revealing she's a closet lesbian. Stalker gets a picture of them, they realize it's Tyler, honor roll girl panics and runs. Denies she even knows Hannah from here on out. This has happened to me three times. Three. The first was in middle school. Very casually dating a girl, said I love you, she denied knowing me anymore after that. We'd known each other since 4th grade. Second was in high school. We had a mild romantic fling (nothing serious) while on a trip to France with a class. Told someone that I wasn't sure, but she might be my girlfriend, after we returned to school. She told me off and said she would never even consider dating me in front of an entire class. The last was shortly after high school. Dated a girl in college. She went home for summer and I went up to visit for three weeks. While there, she fucked me stupid, proposed marriage to me, introduced me as a romantic partner to even her parents. When she came back down to Florida a couple weeks later, all my "friends" said she was telling them she was single and looking and I made everything up. Each of these fueled more rumors, as they did with Hannah who was now easy, a slut, and a lesbo. ((class president dude))- Agrees to date with Hannah, makes her wait an hour, sweet talks her into trying to date anyway, tries to get physical despite protests, then yells at her saying "I thought you were supposed to be easy!" At 17, I had a 45 year old gay man do the same to me, but I didn't know it was a date. Since I've never been attracted to guys, it never occurred to me that he was interested in me that way. We were meeting with the pretense of working on music together. So yeah, thought I was working with a musical colleague and making a friend in the process. Instead, almost get raped. ((cute quiet basketball guy))- Tries to pick up the last guy's rebound (no pun intended) and when he's turned down, starts doing cruel things to Hannah to get even (stealing anonymous compliment letters left for her in a class that are her last holdout of human contact- hard to explain without seeing it). I had someone who was supposed to be a friend of mine, according to the school and parents, despite them repeatedly hurting me. I'm just going to pick out one specific thing she did, here. I forget what grade, but I started getting extremely violent and specific death threats in my locker. I went to that friend, first, who told me to be careful; someone must really hate me. I'd been bullied for so long as this point, that it didn't seem unlikely at all. After a week of this, the date of warning was up. This was when I was going to be shot or stabbed, I forget which. I went to the principal and delivered the twenty or so notes. They figured out it was that friend who'd be leaving them. I was shaking from a massive panic attack before I found out (they sent me back to class a period before the time on the notes). There was no punishment for that friend. This is the earliest full panic attack I can remember. Clay- Hannah's clueless love interest. She wants him to make the move so bad, but he just doesn't know how. When he finally does, she freaks out from all the abuse she's taken and pushes him away. He doesn't fight her pushing back (I probably would have reacted the same way in that situation) and she decides that she's lost him and he hates her. This is the one and only tape I couldn't relate to. I never had anyone get that close to me until well after high school. Thankfully, I didn't push them away. That said, I can vividly remember many times with everyone I played Magic with in high school where something I would say or do would cause them to explode at me and tell me to get out and never talk to them again. I blame that squarely on me being autistic and not diagnosed back then. I'm sure I said several things I didn't know were a problem because I didn't know how to interact with others or that I had a problem. Couple that with social ignorance from not ever having friends and it's no shock. That's probably the closest I got to pushing anyone away. ((other cheerleader))- It's hard to work with this one, as it's so specific. She knocks down a stop sign and won't wait for Hannah to call the police and report it, leading to a fatal accident that gets blamed on someone else. I can find one way to relate to it. At least a dozen times, I've been abandoned by friends who've driven me somewhere and just didn't feel like telling me they're leaving. This was in the days before cell phones. There was a lot of walking home, or using a payphone to call around for a ride when it was far. I still have dreams about those long walks on busy roads in Florida. These really showed that no one gave a second thought towards my well-being. Bryce- the big one. He rapes Hannah. If you thought I wouldn't relate to this, I've got bad news for you. I have been. MANY times. I had a sociopath for a girlfriend just after high school. I don't just throw that word around as an insult or anything. Looking back with hindsight, she was legitimately a sociopath. I was naive and autistic, and she took advantage of that. She was also the first person I came out to as transgender and gay and she didn't hate me for it. In fact, she embraced it and helped me deal with it a bit. Because of that, I put up with a lot that I shouldn't have. I caught her cheating on me twice and let it go. Sadly, it was much worse than that. I later learned that she was sleeping with at least five other people who all thought I knew about it and got off on it. I only caught her because she got an STD from one of them and then gave it to me. I still deal with that reminder of her to this day. Why wasn't I careful to avoid the STD, you ask? She raped me. Frequently. Like, held me down and forced herself on me type of rape. She convinced me that men couldn't be raped (not that I was really a man, but that's moot). The day she was diagnosed with the STD and visible symptoms, I was with her in the doctor's room. I drove her home after and she talked me into coming inside. Despite all my protests, she once again held me down and raped me. That's how I contracted HPV. She broke up with me (yeah, you read that right) around a week later and told me that she'd only stayed with me so long so she could say she was in a relationship for three years (we broke up two days after our anniversary). She broke up with me with her new boyfriend there– the one she got HPV from. The relationship had tons of horrific stuff in it, but I'm narrowing it down to this, for now. ((guidance councilor))- Hannah comes out to the councilor about wanting to kill herself while he repeatedly answers the phone, blows her off, and tells her to "just move on" about the rape. She storms out of his office but waits outside the door to see if he'll chase after her. He doesn't. After this, she kills herself. I've already demonstrated that I had inept and uncaring school faculty above, but that rabbit hole goes much deeper than I can get into without writing an entire book. There is one guidance councilor that catches my attention, though, after flashbacks I got from this scene. In high school, I was assigned one of the four guidance councilors based on my last initial. Despite clearly being autistic, OCD, and having anxiety disorders, she never clued in to any of that. She blew me off when I dropped out of gifted in 9th grade because the teacher was even bullying me. She blew off all bullying, honestly, using the whole "are you doing anything to cause this?" bullshit we hear in the show at one point. Despite being incredibly intelligent in conversations, she looked at my falling grades– which were mostly Ds and Fs by 11th grade– and wrote me off as a junkie who would never amount to anything. I'm not guessing, she told me that to my face. It didn't matter that I'd never tried any drugs or alcohol, she knew it by my grades. Whenever I had to go to her for scheduling or even just counseling, she treated me horribly. I was obvious that I was just a burden to her and she wanted nothing to do with me. I even went so far as to petition the school for a new councilor, but was repeatedly denied. "She really does care about you! Look what she wrote in her report." She told me repeatedly that I was a waste of life and to just drop out of high school. The person with the job to be the last hope for someone like me just wasn't there in the least. Just like for Hannah. It's no wonder, looking back on this stuff that I came so close to suicide twice. Hell, I'm barely scratching the surface of what happened to me. We could throw in the physical stuff (eye gouging, hit with chairs, cleaning solvents sprayed in my mouth and eyes, etc), but that's nothing to the emotional abuse. No one was there for me, ever. Every time I'd try to reach out to another human being for some level of companionship, I'd be struck down harder than the last time. My parents never took any of this that seriously, either. I had no one until my 20's. Is it any wonder I was so depressed and turned so inward? I still credit body art (tattoos, piercings, and the like) for saving my life and giving me a reason to feel joy again. Without it, I know I wouldn't have made it to adulthood. I honestly don't know how I made it to 18 to get to those, though. I remember holding the knife once, being so close to cutting. The other time, I don't even remember how I was going to do it. I was beyond a mess that time. I've never had a good way to explain to people, to show them just how bad things really got. How many times I reached out to other people and found nothing or even more despair. 13 Reasons Why finally portraits it in its horrific reality. I've never seen such an analogue for my life that gets it so correct. They always gloss over things and try to paint a less gritty picture, thinking viewers/readers won't be able to cope with it. Netflix finally gave someone a chance to show the authentic version of high school that people like me experience. I will end with a comment about Tyler's character. Look at the way the group treats him throughout the series. This was also my life. Trying to be included in anything resulted in reactions like those. I was forced out of pretty much everything. If I was included, it was just to humiliate me. Seeing his guns at the end is deeply troubling to me. It's troubling not because of what he might do, it's that I feel sympathy, compassion, and understand his motives. I don't want to feel that way, but I totally get what he's been through. When you watch, pay attention to how he's treated, as well as Hannah. Combine them, and that's me– even the people cheering my name when I'd walk into parties (not that I went to many). Is it any wonder why I changed my name in my 20's? I want to be as separate from my past as I can be. I'm not that person anymore, thankfully. I survived it, but only barely. Others in my spot aren't as lucky.

[tomoyanosekai]

A Year and Semester in Review ~ Learning to Change Despair into Hope~

This post is dedicated to the many people that have gotten me through the year. From the bottom of my heart, thank you all for everything.

The sun’s shining outside, and I’m leaving Sigma for what feels like will be a long time, before I’m back there again in a few months. The flowers in the tree are in full blossom, and flutter down to the ground, as the wind passes me by as I continue to walk forward. “Yup, another year over.” Something that I whisper to myself as I walk toward a car full of my belongings and with memories of the past year and semester in tow. As usual, I can’t help but reflect over the semester and year as a whole, but honestly, the only thing that I know stands out in my mind was a campfire. Earlier in the semester, a group of friends and I got together to go watch the 2017 version of “Power Rangers,” which honestly, was really enjoyable as a movie, more on that later. If I can summarize this past school year into a few words, I could easily summarize it as “Learning to Change Despair into Hope.”

To get an accurate scope of this past school year, it would be best to start from the beginning, which would be back in August, and all the way up until December or January. The last semester pretty much kicked my ass hard. There’s no avoiding it, and frankly, it was painful. However, if I were to say “it’s not my fault,” I’d be lying and only be making excuses. Though, in order to experience life, one needs to learn how to take victories, and also learn to accept failures. I failed. Simply, I failed in everything. I failed classes, I made mistakes that I can’t fix, I learned to experience failure in relationships, but overall, I learned to face my fear of failure because of this. Though it was a period of new beginnings, where I would be returning back to a familiar place and seeing people I hadn’t seen in months, I did not take the semester as seriously as I did, and from there, everything began to pile up on me, to the point of where I was crushed. However, we get crushed and broken for a reason, and that is only to come back and pick ourselves up from the ground, and allow us to be re-shaped and re-molded into something newer, and stronger. Through our failures and our victories, we become shaped as people. Of course, I definitely messed up in many areas, but no matter how much I mess up, I know that this simply isn’t the end. I can leave things to God, and know that things will work out for the best in the end, as my professor had told me by the end of first semester, after I screwed up. With all my failures, this semester was used as a reminder to tell me that I can’t try and handle things on my own, and in the end, I need to set my eyes on God, and know that I can rely on him in my times of need.

Coming off a seemingly horrible semester, the second semester began and nothing could have prepared me for what I would experience. The first thing I did learn came in the form of regaining my sense of excitement and competitive spirit, which came through tennis. The idea of failure was something that never weighed too heavily in my mind when playing, but with my experiences last semester, something I had forgotten and eventually re-found was a sense of excitement when playing someone who would be better than me or being in a situation where all odds were against me. Despite being better than me, I gave it my all, had fun, and ultimately lost against them. The thrill of going against someone stronger and better than me was something that gave me a sense of excitement. Learning how to fail last semester humbled me, and only allowed me to be more appreciative when playing tennis. This competitive, fighting spirit was a reminder to me that even if I lose, there’s always something I can continue to shoot and strive for, even when caught in the worst of situations, where everything is stacked against me. Aside from that, through this past semester, I found that my classes in these past few months would be used by God to teach me more than ever, and honestly, it gave me skills and a new view on the world that would help me come to understand others, as well as myself even more. These would be the classes that I found truly enjoyable, which came in the form of Interpersonal Communication and also Intercultural Adjustment. These two classes would allow me to find something that would let me grow as a person. Learning values like grace, forgiveness, empathy, and overall, just learning to listen and understand others would shape my mindset, how I saw others, and how I saw myself in this world. This allowed me to come to terms with how I saw the world and how I viewed others, and ultimately, strengthen my self and shape how I try and solve problems in front of me and other people. This semester also allowed me to recognize something that I missed, which helped fill the void that the last semester had left during that hard experience of failure in relationships, which came in the form of the people that surrounded me, my friends. But overall, learning to listen would only help me through a moment that I wouldn’t ever forget.

Campfires. What else can I say about them. They’re nice, they’re warm, and they’re bright. There’s two things you need (technically) when starting and maintaining a fire: firewood and a fire. (I know there’s more to it, but just go with it for the example.) When you look and think about firewood, the exterior is hard, rough, and overall, solid and hard to touch. When you think about fire and firewood, adding too much wood can easily snuff out the flame and let it die, or adding enough wood can allow for a brilliant, bright light to shine on, at the expense of the piece of wood. In most cases, when you mix the two, it allows the fire to burn brightly, and in the end, only leave a glowing, soft (and very hot) pile of ashes united in the center, not showing any indication that they were once a rough, individual piece of wood. As I said in the intro to this post, I was able to go see the 2017 rendition of “Power Rangers” with a bunch of friends from my dorm. In the movie, there was the noteworthy campfire scene where the five rangers sat around a campfire, and had a moment of bonding. Initially, each character had their own problems and quirks, and overall, had their own qualities that one could dislike about them off of a first impression or judgement. However, at that campfire, they opened up to each other and talked about their personal problems and issues at home, which shed some light and allowed them to understand each other more, and find that there’s more to the person that they see before them, which ultimately led them to come together more as a team.

As touching as this scene was, I had the same experience around a campfire, where I was able to learn more about the people I was working alongside with in Hope Rising during our retreat. There, we were able open up more about ourselves, share our backstories, and learn more about each other as a result. When thinking back at that campfire, I could only think of how I felt when hearing everyone’s backstories. The vulnerability and willingness to be open about themselves, was truly something that took courage and the Holy Spirit to do, and it still amazes me the more I think and reflect about it. I learned that there was more to these people than I had initially thought, and to put it simply: everyone has their own backstory. As simple as those words are, it’s very true. For me personally, this campfire allowed me to shed some light onto how I got to where I am and how I became the person who I currently am. (No pun intended.) It allowed me to share a backstory filled with pain to others, and allowed them to know the man behind a carefree and happy mask. However, like a fire, throwing a piece of firewood into a fire means that the piece of wood would need to be giving up their solid and composed exterior, and letting the fire burn past its exterior to get the core of the piece of wood, which would add to the community of ashes left there. We shed our exterior shells and were able to be vulnerable with each other. To share laughs, to share tears, and overall, come more together as a team and family was something truly powerful for me to experience. These people are not merely “friends” to me, and more than anything, they’re another family for me, and we’re united as one under God, just like as the ashes are gathered and unified as one.

“Learning to Change Despair into Hope.” Yeah, I’d say this was an accurate summary of this past year. Victory. Failure. Grace. Empathy. Forgiveness. Listening. Sure, in hindsight, it may not seem that bad. However, whether or not it was bad, I still grew from every experience where a wall was placed in front of me. I might not have been able to get to the end without tripping a few times, but hey, it happens. Life isn’t clean, and we aren’t perfect. We’re only human after all. Overall, I could say that through this year, I learned to change despair into hope, and even with allowing myself to learn this, I was able to help others because of this. As I get into the car filled with all my belongings in the back seat followed by the experiences and memories that the past year brought, it’s time to drive off and return home for now. With summer coming up, I have time to take a little bit of a break, but for most of the time, I’ll be working. Everyone I know from every aspect of my life, whether it be old friends, friends from school or church, or family, are all going their own separate directions in order to grow right now, and I’ll be doing the same. By the time I get back in touch with all these people in my life, a good majority of them will be upperclassmen in college, and we’ll be continuing down a road filled with many obstacles that may push us to the brink of despair. However, even when faced with this despair, there’s nothing holding us back from allowing us to change that despair into hope. God’s with us, and there’s no way despair can overcome us. For now, time to enjoy summer. 

It’s Showtime.

From here on out, it’s my stage!!