#it was on am I the asshole and this dude flipped out cause his gf had an old tattoo of his like bunny mascot logo or something

[ujuro]

Bang yongguk is doing an ama on Reddit are people allowed to ask him about that dude who freaked out cause his girlfriend had a tattoo of him

[nova-alien-rants]

trying to finally heal my NPD and dealing with the damage it's caused is so fucking devastating

uhh if you demonize narcs please get off my blog before i launch you into the sun uhh this post is kinda long

it just... it hurts so bad dude. and i feel like my BPD makes it even worse because every time i'm confronted with the reality that i've fucked up those around me so badly, i can end up spiraling into thinking i'm the worst person ever, i deserve to die, i ruin everything, there's no hope for me, etc. it's so awful. i genuinely hate how much i've hurt those in my life.

examples:

i've gaslit my gf to the point where she still feels like SHE'S the problem, even though it's literally been me all along. she kept trying to help me and i villainized her the whole time. i'm disgusted with how i acted. my eyes have been opened and i no longer act the way i did, but the damage has been done and i can't help but cry because of how much i've hurt her these past several years.

my friend became used to me making backhanded jabs and even passive aggressive remarks because i always felt threatened by him. i stopped being mean to him like that, but because he was used to that dynamic with me, he kept up with his own vindictiveness and made me feel terrible that i trained him to do that in the first place. he doesn't do it with anyone else.

i've lost many friends and gotten into baseless arguments simply because i was acting like a giant asshole under the delusion that THEY were the assholes, not me. even though they literally did not do anything. my own ego was wounded and that wasn't their fault. i was such a fool for destroying those relationships.

i feel so fucking despondent so much of the time now, and i keep flip flopping between "there's hope for me and i can help reduce the stigma of NPD" and "i am the worst person ever, i'm a horrible monster who just hurts people, there's no getting better for me." my emotions are so intense. either they're everywhere, or they're nowhere. i also feel so much grief. i could have had amazing relationships with amazing people around me, and to an extent i do now! but so much of the lives of myself and others have been absolutely ravaged by my own self obsession and vindictiveness, and i can't help but wonder what things would be like if i weren't the way i am. honestly i'm so ashamed of myself for letting things get to this point.

whenever i would do research on NPD, i would wonder like... why do people not know they have this condition? how could they possibly not know when it fucks up their lives so bad? i knew about my BPD and OCPD before i even knew what those conditions were called, and those are also ego-syntonic personality disorders! so i was REALLY thrown a curveball when i was told i'm a narc. it felt like my world shattered and i simultaneously could see clearer, but also felt so much shame and sadness. and other things, but i don't even know what in specific. bad things. it seriously changed how i viewed myself and everyone and everything in this world around me.

i remember i would always tell myself i would never end up like my parents, both of whom are narcissists. they were and still are the worst abusers out of all the abusers i've ever had in my life. so when i found out i was a narc, too, i felt disgusted not only because it explained so much of my life, but also because it meant my worst fear had come true. i associate narcissism with my parents. i'd be lying if i were to say i didn't have my own internalized ableism about NPD due to them. at the same time though, i get distressed from sharing physical features with them too, so it's hard to really say. it just sucks all around.

i feel like some kind of evil monster crying crocodile tears upon finally having it click that they actually are, indeed, some kind of evil monster. i've hurt so many people so badly and i was totally blind to it. COMPLETELY. to the point i genuinely believed THEY were the ones hurting ME. sometimes i'm so consumed with shame i literally never want to show my face to anyone ever again. i want to run away and start a new life where no one knows who i am or what my past was like. but alas, such is not feasible, so i am stuck dealing with the consequences of my actions. and accept them i will, of course, because it's the grave i dug for myself, but fuck, man. this feels so awful. i feel so awful.

[softscottlang]

I Know (Peter Parker)

Peter Parker x Fem!Reader 

Summary: after finally coming out as Bisexual and being in a relationship with your first girlfriend, some people think that you should either be Gay or straight, no in between. 

Request: “ where the reader is bisexual (because I am and well jsjt) and for example she deals with biphobia,she had an ex gf and peter has a crush on her idk “

Word Count: 1.1k

Warning: Biphobia, lil angst, lil fluff. 

~~~~~~~

“Dude, she’s obviously into chicks.” Ned said as Peter stared at a beautiful girl from across the lunch room. Her hair flowed naturally, makeup done to enhance her gorgeous features. “You just look pathetic.”

“Yeah, and?” Peter said, unable to tear his eyes from the girl across the way. Peter had a warm and fuzzy feeling in his chest. He could feel his heart pounding through out his body when you started to laugh, throwing your head back at the humorous remark your friend Stacey had made.

“You don’t have a chance Peter, have you seen her ex? Brittney is the literal definition of a goddess, yeah, she can be a bitch sometimes, but that girl is insanely gorgeous. Y/N is even hotter.” Ned said, trying to get his friend to realize that he was aiming out of his league, even for being Spiderman.

“She’s bi, I literally have as good a chance as the girl she’s sitting next to.” Peter said still staring at you, captivated by your beauty. “It’s not like she’ll ever find out anyway.”

“Then quit staring, it’s getting creepy man!” Ned quipped before grabbing his tray of food to throw away.

“He definitely surpassed creepy five minutes ago.” MJ replied before she flipped to the next page in her book. Peter rolled his eyes as he grabbed his tray as well. He knew that he had American Literature next period and you sat in front of him.

The bell signaling the start of the following class had quickly rang, causing the cafeteria to clear out. You hurried to your locker with Stacey, your best friend, grabbed your text book and went to class. You saw that Peter and Flash were already in their seats, Peter looking over the text book and Flash quickly trying to finish his homework before it was due.

“Yeah Stacey, you should wear that red dress on your date, it makes your body look banging.” You said to your best friend. She gave you a sassy look before replying with a quick ‘I know’. You were laughing at your friends quirky-ness when the boy next to you decided to speak up.

“Hey Y/N, my gay-dar is going off. You mind stepping away from me, so I don’t catch it?” Flash said with a smirk on his face. You couldn’t help but feel a sort of rage at the Thompson boy.

“First off Eugene, I’m bi-sexual. I like guys and girls. Both.” You replied, aggravation seeping into your tone. “Secondly, Gay is not a disease you fuck face.”

“Whatever you say beautiful, you just haven’t been with the right guy to make you straight.” Flash said. You felt your blood boil as you heard his not so funny reply. “just pick one. Girls or guys?” Your breathing got jagged and uneven as you tried to contain your anger, but for some reason you couldn’t shake this feeling anymore.

“You know what Eugene, how about you stop being a bi-phobic jack ass and accept than some people just want to love whoever they damn well please. It’s 20gayteen for fuck sake.” You said before pushing your chair away as you stood quickly, slamming it into Peter’s desk. You stormed out of the classroom before you made any other remarks to the idioticteen in that room.

You went towards the girl’s bathroom, feeling the tears stinging your eyes from the anger that was seeping out of your body. You wanted to punch something, so you did. The nearest locker was the victim to your first assault. You hit it, you punched it, you kicked it. You did everything in your power to make that locker feel the way you did, but you didn’t think you could ever make the locker feel the pain in your chest, the weight in your stomach, the pounding in your head. Hell, you didn’t want anyone to feel that pain.

“Hey, are you okay.” You heard a small voice say from behind you. You turned quickly seeing Peter Parker standing a few feet away. Making the boy jump when he saw your angry, tear-stricken face. His heart fell when he could see the pain that you were in. For some reason, Peter felt compelled to walk over to you and engulf you in his arms, pulling you close to his chest.

“No, I’m not okay.” You didn’t know why but you felt at ease in Peter’s arms. Like breathing was possible. He rubbed his hand over your head, smoothing your hair down. He ran his fingers through it carefully, attempting to sooth you. You felt the tears fall over the brim of your eyes and into the fabric of Peter’s shirt.

“You’re going to be okay, he’s just an asshole.” Peter whispered in your ear, causing you to laugh. You had never heard Peter Parker cuss, it sounded uncomfortable coming out of his mouth.

“Yeah he is. I know you probably don’t care but I’m so over everyone attacking me for my sexuality.” You said, your head still laying on his chest. “My ex-girlfriend left me because I wouldn’t say that I was just into girls, no guys like me because I’m into girls. I just can’t win if I’m being honest with myself. But maybe I should just hide who I am.” Your voice cracked, and your head started to feel dizzy.

“Well I’m sure someone likes you.” He responded quietly, causing you to lean away from his chest and scoff at his answer.

“Whatever.” You said starting to lean away from the boy, going to walk away from him. But just as you were about two paces away, he grabbed your hand and pulled you back towards him.

“Y/N, I know someone likes you.” He didn’t let go of your hand, and to be honest, you didn’t want him to. It was then that you noticed how absolutely adorable Peter was, his doe like eyes and perfectly kept hair. It was something that you never noticed before, and that fact made you want to slap yourself across the face. He was sweet, kind and caring, literal perfection. You let the happiness you felt show itself on your face. “um.. I-I’m talking about me.”

Once the words had escaped his mouth, he took his hand away from you and rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous way.

“Good.” That was all you said before Peter started to look at the ground with a dumb smile on his lip.

“Well then, I’ll pick you up at seven.” A new confidence came over Peter that day, but it was then that you realized that someone could like you for your honest self.

~~~~~~

Tags: @softspideyboy @monstarbearz 

Let me know if you want to be added to my tag list!