#it was literally the first thing i learned in english lessons

[piratefishmama]

I beg of you, start a new paragraph when someone new starts talking.

It makes anyones writing far easier to follow.

[sege-h]

Like some kinda shark fin a now unrebloggable post on my dash has let me know whats going on on Twitter right now

Which is people going "UMMM NOT EVERYONE LIVES IN AMERICA OFC I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE ODYSSEY IS NOT ALL OF US HAD TO READ YOUR AMERICAN BOOK IN AMERICAN SCHOOLS" about being told it kinda sucks they dont know what the Odyssey is

Brother

Brother

I'm from Macedonia. That's like NOWHERE. WE had to read the Odyssey for school. And I knew of it BEFORE we had to read it for school because it was common knowledge. There was also some multi part Hallmark adaptation of it they kept playing on TV

[milaisreading]

🌱🩷: So here is one of the first stories I promised to write for my birthday... week? Idk, these are more of a treat for myself 😋 hope u like it!

Warnings: Reader uses a mix of she/her and he/him, since she is crossdressing. Requests are open! It's a yandere story, so be warned. If u don't like yandere stories, please skip this one

⚽️Blue lock belongs to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura⚽️

"Hm? What's up with those two?" Hiori's eyes widened in disbelief as he looked at the scene unfolding in front of him. Yukimiya, who was sitting right next to him cleaned his glasses and put them on again, inspecting the two Bastard players in equal shock.

"Did I go completely insane?"

"No, you didn't. Or, all 4 of us went insane along with you." Isagi gulped, his grip around his chopsticks tightening.

"Since when is (Y/n) so friendly with that German guy?" Kurona gulped as the four watched (Y/n) and Gesner laugh over God knows what. They were both speaking in English and were a little bit away from them, so they couldn't quite understand what was so funny.

'Why are you so comfortable with him?! I am literally here!' Yukimiya thought as he fixed his glasses, trying to distract himself. Hiori had a smile and empty look in his eyes as he watched Gesner ruffle (Y/n)'s hair.

'Don't touch him with your dirty hands. Get away. Get away.'Kurona felt a unfamiliar rage take over him, but tried to keep himself calm. He can't lose his cool now.

'Why him? Please get away from him!' Isagi screamed on the inside.

As the 4 kept having their inner turmoil, (Y/n) was obliviously talking with Gesner.

"Thanks for those German lessons, they really helped me when communicating with the rest when we didn't have those translators."

"Nothing to thank me for. So, same thing tonight?" Gesner raised an eyebrow as she nodded her head.

"Sure. Now that NEL is finally over we have a lot more time to study." (Y/n) agreed as Gesner hummed.

"So, will you be picking Bastard as your team or Re Al? Just curious since you are invested in learning the language."

"I still didn't decide. But, knowing basics in a language is a good thing regardless." She answered as Gesner nodded in understanding.

The next day...

Now, Kunigami wasn't someone who felt jealousy often, after the whole Wild card thing he doubted he could feel anything. He was just tired, but surprisingly enough (Y/n) was not turned off by his new attitude. Kunigami was surprised, but a part of him felt happy that someone wanted to be around him, despite his more moody attitude. He, liked it. Along the way, he ended up developing feelings for the other player, and would always be nearby to help her with things or pull her away when Kaiser or Ness were annoying her. Of course, Kunigami never expected (Y/n) to fall for him, but he thought as long as she was his friend, he would be happy. But, today he was proven wrong with the way he viewed things.

'Why is that bastard so casually talking to him?!' Kunigami clenched his fists as he watched Gesner pinch (Y/n)'s cheek while saying something to her. Although he couldn't understand what it was the German was saying, the blush (Y/n) had on her face was enough to piss him off and set him into action. Kunigami quickly walked over to them and grabbed Gesner's wrist, pulling his hand away from (Y/n)'s face.

"Huh? Kunigami?" The girl blinked, but the boy spared her no attention as he kept on glaring at the confused German.

"Piss off."

'Scary!' She shivered and tried to separate the two while speaking.

"He wasn't hurting me, Kunigami. He just gave me back the pillow I forgot last night." Just as she said that, she immediately regretted it, as the look Kunigami gave her was full of anger, confusion, and sadness.

'Why was he sad?' (Y/n) thought as Kunigami cleared his throat.

"Can you let go, man?" Gesner said agitated as he tried to pull his hand away.

"What do you mean by last night?"

"I spent the night with Gesner in the monitor room and forgot it there."

'You... why him?!' Kunigami gulped, looking at (Y/n) in horror as he let go of Gesner's hand.

'Did... did I say something wrong?' She thought as she watched the whole ordeal.

Later that day...

Gagamaru was someone who could be perceived as different than the rest, not weird, just different. He was more of a guy who enjoyed nature, fighting with bears, and eating everything with his hands, even if they left messes afterwards. Gagamaru was aware he received weird looks, but one of the people he could count on to not perceive him weirdly was (Y/n). He always looked at her as a reliable captain, a talented player, and a great friend. Whenever he had issues or wanted someone to talk to, he knew (Y/n) would be there. And she was, and Gagamaru was always greatful for that. Along the way, Gagamaru ended up catching weird feelings, nervousness, happiness, anxiety whenever he was near her. It took him a while to understand he fell in love, to the point that he tried to keep her attention on him all the time.

'I wonder where he is...' Gagamaru sighed as he looked around the hallway. He really needed to talk to her, but the girl was nowhere to be found. Not in her room, not in the dining hall, not even in the monitor room!

Just as he was about to give up, he heard voices from down the hallway.

'(Y/n)...' The goalkeeper excitedly looked in her direction, only for the smile to drop when he saw Gesner next to her. They were way too close for his liking.

'Since when are they on talking terms?' The boy thought, weirded out by this.

"Hm? Gagamaru? Why aren't you asleep? It's pretty late." (Y/n) stopped conversing with Gesner and looked at Gagamaru in worry as they reached him. The goalkeeper stopped for a moment, then finally spoke up as he eyed Gesner weirdly.

"I... I couldn't sleep. So I took a walk. Why... why aren't you asleep?"

'And why are you with him so late?' Gagamaru wanted to add in, but stopped himself.

"I was telling Gesner what we can visit in Tokyo. Since we will have a few days off, he wanted to see some places before going to Germany." Gagamaru's eyes widened for a second, a unfamiliar pain hitting him when he looked between the two. (Y/n) having her usual smile while Gesner looked bored and confused due to him not having the translators.

"But..."

"Hm?"

"It's.... It's nothing." Gagamaru bit back his tongue as (Y/n) tried to question him again, but he completely blocked her out.

'Why him? We are your team! Not him!'

Gagamaru waisted no time to run to Isagi's room after (Y/n) and Gesner left. If there was one person who knew the midfielder well, it was Isagi. They needed to stop whatever was going on. But, to Gagamaru's surprise when he entered the room, he already saw Isagi and the other three deep in their own thoughts while Kunigami looked stressed.

"Isagi! We have an issue!"

The boy jumped up in his spot, then turned to look at the panicked goalkeeper.

"What happened?"

"Gesner... Him and (Y/n) plan on going together to Tokyo... Just the two of them."

Isagi quickly turned to look at Gagamaru, the speed made Gagamaru worry that he broke his neck for a moment.

"You... you are joking, right? (Y/n) wouldn't... Gesner and him-"

"Hiori, please don't say it put loud like that. God abandoned us today." Yukimiya sobbed and fell on his knees as Kurona looked at a pale Kunigami.

"What do we do? What do we do?"

Kunigami kept quiet as the boy kept on tugging on his sleeve, but he couldn't answer anything. The only answer he saw fit was bash Gesner's head into the wall for corrupting their captain, but that wouldn't be appropriate. (Y/n) would hate him of he did that.

"We need to call in the rest. It's an emergency meeting."

The players looked over at Isagi, who looked both annoyed and panicked.

Later...

Now that NEL was over, the other players were free to roam around without having to answer to the coaches. The BM players were more than greatful for that, even if the room was crowded for now. They had to think of a way to keep Gesenr away permanently. They seriously needed to do something about this development.

"Why are we here? I wanted to sleep." Otoya yawned, looking as annoyed as Rin did.

"Yeah, and why are we cramped up in this room?"

"Why are there clothes on the floor?" Barou looked at the discarded pants near one of the beds as Hiori facepalmed.

"That's not important now, Barou-"

"If the maid is so annoyed with it, he should clean it up. But for real, why did you call us here?" Chigiri questioned, ignoring Barou's annoyed yell.

"Calm down you both." Kunigami commented, looking for once worried.

"Huh? Kunigami, what happened to you? You are not moody anymore?" Bachira raised an eyebrow as Reo looked at the former hero in confusion as well.

"Yeah. Must be pretty serious if even you are invested in this. And why isn't (Y/n) here?"

"That's the thing. This is about him-"

"Damn, your beds are so much softer than ours. Can I sleep here instead?" Kurona held himself back as he got interrupted by Nagi, and he was about to say something but Isagi quickly stepped in.

"Please, this is serious. (Y/n)-"

"Couldn't it have waited after my nighttime routine? And you could have at least invited (Y/n) over to make the trip over here worth it." Aryu said, looking in annoyance at the 6 Bastard players while combing his hair.

"Can you let us finish speaking? This is about (Y/n)!" Gagamaru yelled, finally fed up with everyone's yelling and interrupting. The Blue lock team stopped dead in their tracks and looked at the 6.

"What do you mean about that? What happened? Is he sick?" Niko was the first one to speak up, followed by Tokimitsu who looked composed and calm for once.

"Is there something we need to know? Just tell us."

"I swear I will skin you all alive if you let him get hurt-"

"Calm down, king. This one isn't even our fault. Can you let us finish?" Yukimiya glared at the red-eyed boy as Karasu chimed in.

"Let's all calm down and let them finish. This isn't helping anyone." Although the crow boy said it calmly, they all could see he wasn't calm, at all.

"Thank you, as we said (Y/n) is the one we called you all over for." Hiori started, but stopped as he looked at Isagi for some support.

"He... well, Gagamaru saw him earlier and it looks like him and a German player are having a.... a date." Isagi cringed at the word and so did the others, who then looked back at the rest of the team. The reactions were a mix of everything. Otoya and Karasu looked stunned at each other and then back at Isagi, their expressions clearly giving away that they didn't believe them. Others like Bachira and Niko shrieked at the news and immediately jumped on Isagi, shaking the boy to repeat what he said, which caused Yukimiya and Kurona to step in and pull them away from him.

"You... you guys have to be joking. There is no way (Y/n) would date that guy... He isn't his type. Right, Reo?" Nagi said nervously as he quickly sat up on the bed, looking from Kunigami to Reo.

"That's right, I know him. He likes soft spoken people more. I am sure you misunderstood-"

"He told me that himself. You think I would make up such a horror scenario because I have nothing better to do?" Gagamaru interjected, causing Reo to shut his mouth, eyes widening in fear.

"This can't be... He wouldn't leave me like that...." The heir murmured as he slowly sat down on the bed. Chigiri and Aryu decided to approach this more rationally, there was no way they lost to that blonde guy.

"There must be something else behind it. Why would he pick some guy he just met when he has us?" Chigiri tried to stay calm as he nervously smiled at Hiori.

"You guys must be joking-" Aryu started but Kunigami interrupted him.

"We are not. And, I do find it believable after what I found out."

"Which is? What did you find out?" Tokimitsu spoke up as an eerie calmness took over the room.

"Him and Gesner spent the night together in the monitoring room. (Y/n) told me so himself." Kunigami finally said, looking as disgusted as he did when her told Isagi and his friends earlier. Yukimiya looked at everyone, as expected, none of them looked well, faces pale and looking at them like they were ghosts. He bit his lips and quickly sprung into action along with Kunigami as they heard Barou and Rin scream.

"That nobody, lukewarm player! I will kill him for trying to take him away from me!"

"Not if I do that first. I will make his death as painful as possible."

Yukimiya and Kunigami quickly ran over to them to hold them back from leaving as Hiori yelled at them, looking at Karasu's calm demeanor suspiciously.

"Wait! We need to watch our next actions. If (Y/n) finds out we even had this meeting, we are done for!"

"Are you stupid?! I am not letting some no-name player take him from me!" Rin glared back at Hiori.

"This is all your fault, Isagi! You should have watched over him!" Barou yelled at the blue-eyed boy, who tried to keep his cool after the whole room went into a panic mode.

"I will break that Gesner guy's bones." Karasu declared as he cracked his knuckles, earning a nod from Otoya.

"I will join you there. Leave some for me."

"Hey! I am in this picture as well. I want to see him suffer as well!" Bachira said in a happy demeanor, so happy that it was creepy.

"I want blood, a lot of it. There is no way I will let him go unpunished for trying to take (Y/n) away." Chigiri cleared his throat.

"Is murder legal, Reo? Please tell me it is." Nagi said as he tugged on the boy's sleeve.

"I will bail you out of jail regardless if it is or isn't."

"I just want (Y/n). Where is he?" Niko asked as he held back a few sobs while Aryu glanced back at Gagamaru.

"Where is his room? I know we can talk him out of this."

"So you don't want that Gesner guy to pay?" Tokimitsu wondered as Aryu raised an eyebrow.

"I never said that."

Isagi looked at the whole chaos in front of him as an idea popped into his head. He knew exactly what they can do! Gesner was just one, while the rest of them were a team. Sure, they might not get along, but the do agree on one thing. (Y/n) was meant for the Blue Lock team, and the Blue Lock team only. And the common enemy will make it a lot easier for all of them to get along.

"I have an idea! For that though, we all have to work together. If we want (Y/n) to just focus on us, that is."

The whole room stopped and looked over at Isagi, who had that same expression he would wear when he finally figured out where he could score the next goal.

"Go on." Rin demanded as the rest kept quiet.

2 days later...

(Y/n) was standing near the Shibuya station, waiting for Gesner for the past 30 minutes. The girl was a little worried, and she would have rather picked him up from the facility than let him come here alone, but her parents were insisting on her coming home because of some family meeting.

'It was absolutely worthless, anyway. Where is he even? Did he get lost?' She thought in a worried manner as she dialed his number again, only for it to go to voice-mail immediately.

"How annoying..." She muttered while fixing up her mask, deciding to scroll through her phone while observing some of the people that were passing by.

'The girls are so lucky they can wear those cute dresses... Meanwhile, I am stuck with a boring shirt and pants.' (Y/n) pouted and looked down at her clothes.

"(Y/n)!" The girl's eyes widened in surprise as she heard three familiar voices yells her name while she got tackled to the ground. The passerbys looked at the group in surprise and whispered as they slowly started recognizing the players. But, Bachira, Kurona and Niko paid them no mind as they looked down at the girl.

"Guys, what are you doing here? And, can you get off of me?" (Y/n) asked calmly as the trio agreed and got off her and then helped her up.

"We were roaming around the place and saw you. Why are you here alone?" Niko explained in an innocent manner, trying not to give away that all three of them knew the answers already.

"Yeah, it's kind of weird to be standing alone here of all places." Bachira giggled.

"You are the one to talk." Kurona said in a more defensive manner as he stood in front of (Y/n), to which the girl chuckled a little.

"It's ok, and I was just waiting for Gesner to arrive. He is pretty late and won't answer any calls." She said in a worried tone, but neither of the boys paid it any mind.

'You don't need him.'

'We are all you need.'

'So stop thinking of him, please.' The trio thought as Bachira cleared his throat.

"Well, if he is leaving you stranded like this, Isagi, Chigiri, Otoya, Yikimiya, and Aryu are outside waiting for us. Join us instead."

"I can't just leave him with no warning, Bachira. That's rude." (Y/n) scolded the boy a little.

"And where is the rest? They didn't want to come?"

"No, they did. They are just looking around some malls and will join us as well." Niko quickly added in as Kurona nodded along. But, before (Y/n) could say anything her phone went off. A message! She quickly looked at the sender, relieved it was Gesner who sent it to her. The trio watched her expression slowly drop, and they felt guilty for assisting in making her upset, but that slowly faded as they remembered they could lose her otherwise.

'Sorry,(Y/n). This was necessary...' Kurona gulped.

"Huh..."

"Everything ok?" Niko asked obliviously as (Y/n) looked up at him.

"Gesner said he won't be able to come. Noa-san called them in for a last minute meeting..."

"That's sad, but you can now join us instead. What do you say?" Bachira said, not even bothering to hide his excitement as (Y/n) sighed and put her phone away.

"I guess. You won't mind if I joined you out of the blue?"

"Absolutely not!" Niko smiledand grabbed one of ther arms while Bachira grabbed the other.

"Come on! We have so many fun activities planned!"

The two started pulling her towards the station's exit while Kurona was behind and pushing her.

"Hey! No need to do all that! I will follow you three." (Y/n) said I an amused manner, used to their demeanor.

'That's right. Just laugh around us.' Bachira thought as he slowly tightened his grip around her hand.

'Just pay attention to us.' Niko thought, glancing at the girl.

'We will keep you safe from outsiders. Like every teammate would.' Kurona mused to himself as they finally exited the station and saw their group of friends eagerly waiting for them.

"Yoo-hoo! We found (Y/n) on our way here!" Bachira yelled as the group smiled excitedly at the captain.

"We didn't expectvyou here. How was meeting up with your family again?" Isagi wondered.

"It was the usual. Nothing notable." (Y/n) shrugged as the three boys finally let go of her.

"Now that we have (Y/n) here, we should go and eat!" Otoya exclaimed as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Shouldn't we wait for the others?" (Y/n) raised an eyebrow as Yukimiya and Chigiri shook their heads.

"They are taking their time, and I am hungry as well."

"Yeah. The slow pokes will catch up to us, anyway."

"Let's go then." Aryu exclaimed as they finally started walking towards a local restaurant. The initial sadness (Y/n) was feeling slowly faded away, enjoying the company of her friends and teammates now.

'That's right. We are all you need. I am all you need.' Aryu thought as je watched (Y/n) laugh at something Yukimiya said.

'This is how it should be. Just him and us... and no outsiders.' Chigiri hummed.

'I wonder when they will arrive. Hopefully soon.' Isagi thought as he remembered the rest of his team that was missing.

'I wanted to bash his head into the wall in, but noo Karasu had to part us like this.' Otoya thought, still salty that he couldn't take part in the other group.

Meanwhile...

"This is quite a mess. It's a good thing barely anyone is here today." Tokimitsu thought as he looked at all the blood in the shower room. Karasu shrugged his shoulders as he pointed at Barou and Rin.

"Blame them. They went mayhem on Gesner."

"You guys really did the most on him. I can barely recognize his face." Hiori giggled, earning eyerolls from Rin and Barou.

"Of course I will when he tried to steal what's mine." Barou rolled his eyes as Rin sneered at Gesner's body.

"Ours, maid Barou, ours. We said we would share him." Nagi yawned as him and Reo cleaned their hands.

"Reo, for how long will the cameras be defect again?" Kunigami wondered as Gagamaru leaned against one of the walls, staring as Gesner's bloody form with a blank expression.

"You deserved this." The goalkeeper whispered, growing more and more irritated.

"We have still an hour left till the maintenance is done, they will reactivated then. Let's quickly change and leave while nobody is around." The heir smirked as Rin started walking towards the exit of the shower rooms.

'Finally. I have nothing to fear now. He won't leave me for a no name player.' Rin thought, finally letting out a sigh of relief.

"I really wish there was a cleaner way..." Barou groaned as he followed after the younger Itoshi.

"This was as clean as it could get. Now lets hurry up! I want to see (Y/n) again. I didn't see him yesterday or today." Hiori hummed with a smile.

"It was either this or nothing. Intimidating him wouldn't have worked." Kunigami shrugged.

"What's done is done. We just need to make sure (Y/n) doesn't find him like that. I don't  want him to be traumatized by some pest." Reo commented as Gagamaru nodded.

"I am sure someone will find him before he does, and if not, we will keep him away from the shower room."

"You better." Nagi side eyed as Karasu yawned.

"Do you all think they started eating without us?"

"Probably. (Y/n) loves food, so I am sure he is eating at least." Barou nodded his head at Tokimitsu's statement and spoke up again.

"Let's just hurry up now! I miss (Y/n)."

The rest nodded their heads and quickly changed their clothes and packed the dirty one away to get rid of it. After all, they can't have their captain see blood of a no name guy.

[vidavalor]

(Non-Frozen) Peas. A Good Omens Sex Meta Thing Side Dish

Shorter little vegetable-themed side dish to Crepes, which you do not have to have read first. All by way of Aziraphale's dirty French in S2 about how he has a craving for Crowley's Eden.

*slips into GO fandom quietly* *whispers*

Do you all realize that another translation of Aziraphale's "Ou est la plume de la jardiniere de ma tante?" is...

"Where is the feathered garden box of my queen?"

I probably don't need to tell you that both 'garden' and 'box' are sexual euphemisms for lady parts and, to make matters funnier, remind you of this scene earlier in the season, in which a literal box became related to... well, it's somewhat open to interpretation so let's just call it a gasp-worthy, part-related situation. :)

"Where is the feathered garden box of my queen?" is Aziraphale saying that it's been a minute since he worshipped Lady Crowley and he misses her.

This would account for Aziraphale's impish "but you understood me" and flirty little smile and wiggles. He's so cute about it that Nina comes out of her coffee shop to try to hear what they're talking about that's made the bookseller look so alive and has Snarky Sunglasses all flustered.

Crowley's "Only because, for two hundred and fifty years, you've been wittering on about the plume of your imaginary 'tante.'" = "Only because, ever since you took French lessons the human way, I've had to listen to you euphemistically referring to my occasional wild flower garden and calling me your queen in two different languages and I love to hate how much I absolutely love it."

We know that Crowley did understand Aziraphale and not just because he also speaks French but because his traditional choices in translating it back to Aziraphale in protest-- "you don't have an aunt, she doesn't have a gardener and he doesn't have a... pen"-- is intentionally a bit incorrect because Aziraphale used the feminine French word for 'gardener'-- la jardiniere-- in his sentence. As a result, Crowley is protesting that "the gardener" is a he right now, Aziraphale, and he doesn't have a-- pause of 'wait, this isn't going to work if I translate 'plume' as 'feathers'-- euphemistic or literal-- as I have both so I'll go with the other thing the word means instead'--... pen.

(Which winds up even funnier since a pen is phallic and euphemistic, in this sense, for currently having a penis, which is actually Crowley's current state of effort in that moment. Hold those thoughts until we get to turnips and inkwells down below lol.)

A 'plume' in French is a pen, a feather, a quill, and a cloud of rising smoke. In Good Omens, it's also used in the smoke-like definition by Michael to describe the pink plume of magical energy that came from the bookshop when Crowley and Aziraphale miracled together. Crowley responded with 'pen'-- which is a riff on the fact that Aziraphale is riffing on "la plume de ma tante", a cliched line said derogatorily to mean 'those sentences that you learn when you learn a new language that you'd never say in real life.' Crowley used 'aunt', 'gardener' and 'pen' as the translation in reference to the cliche Aziraphale was referencing. Aziraphale, though, adjusted the line, as we saw-- adding words to it to make it a stealth, flirty request-- and Crowley did hear the innuendo. Crowley correctly heard Aziraphale using 'plume' in the 'feather' sense (hilariously, considering that they have actual feathers in their angel/demon forms lol), with the 'feather'-context 'plume' being euphemistic for Crowley keeping it real down below.

(It could be worse, Crowley. He could be in a blasphemous mood and referring to it as "The Burning Bush"... which I feel like you'd actually find hilarious but anyway, moving on...)

In English, appropriated from the French, a 'jardiniere' is a flower box/garden planter. 'Tante' is French for 'aunt' but it's also a word meaning both 'queen'/'pansy' in the queer sense of the words (a 'pansy' also being a kind of flower, of course, adding to the Eden motif that "*the* Southern Pansy" Aziraphale has going on for his gardener partner here) but 'tante' is also one of the words that just means 'queen' as well, in the 'regal' sense of the word. It might not be the first word Aziraphale would use if he were, instead, speaking a sentence in French about, say, Queen Camilla-- but it's maybe a more appropriate one for flirting with his gender-everything partner by telling him in French that it's been too long since he spent some quality time with his queen's jardiniere.

'A la jardiniere' is also a French cooking term. It translates as "in the manner of the gardener's wife" (Gabriel: "Whatever that is."). It is obviously an archaic-sounding term when it comes to gender but, for the purposes of metaphor here, it's actually a little useful. The phrase is born out of the idea that the chef would be male, straight and married and that his wife would be keeping their kitchen garden-- which, even though she was probably running it, is credited to him, because the patriarchy-- from which fresh vegetables could easily be picked and used in a dish. As such, it's a lot more fun that Aziraphale is using the French here because the actual gardener doing the garden work in the definition of 'jardiniere' is specifically female by the term's description, so it's another way to reference Crowley's femininity.

There's also, of course, that "in the manner of the gardener's wife" is about as porny a definition for a phrase that can possibly be translated from one language to another lol and so adds to the idea of 'jardiniere' being sexually euphemistic. Atop that, there's the fact that the word itself relates food to romance and sex by referring to the chef and the gardener as married in its definition. The second half of this scene is the Nina & Crowley "partners" conversation. In a season that has Crowley and Aziraphale unable to deal with words like 'couple' and 'partners', if only Maggie and Nina understood that maybe they don't know how to use traditional words but damned if Aziraphale isn't already on covertly calling Crowley his spouse when flirting with him.

While 'a la jardiniere' is a cooking term, 'la jardiniere/jardiniere' is also a French food term. It is a side dish or a garnish of mixed vegetables, usually spring garden vegetables. So, carrots, green beans, potatoes (Crowley: "You say 'potato', I say 'excellent'" lol), turnips (Aziraphale can turn garden variety sex into inkwells!-- haha 'garden' pun, get it? please send help-- and inkwells are the things one dips a quill pen into.... and, now, we're back to the 'pen' translation of 'la plume...').

The most signature vegetables of jardiniere, though, are peas.

As Crowley would tell Shax and anyone who will listen, literal ducks-the-water-fowl need not get their actual jardiniere defrosted.

Aziraphale-- the more discerning duck-- likes his hot, though.

~~~

If you have not already and would like to read more meta like this:

[mnnuni]

Always, more than enough

Evan Buckley x Female reader

summary: Reader is going through somenthing at uni, but Buck's the perfect boyfriend words: 1484 warnings: smut Author's note: this is the first of my work that i ever publish, so please try and be kind. Also, english's not my first language so I'm sorry in advance for any mistakes and stuff

(Y/N) had just finished her last lesson of the day;she didn't imagine the second year could be even worse than the first, not that she didn't like her major or studying for it ... It was the ambience that she started to despise. Even if she found a solid group of friends, there was this bunch of girls that she really really couldn't stand. And it was so frustrating that at least one of them was in every lesson of her everyday schedule.

It wasn't like she argued with them or somethingbut the fact that they always had to say something about her and her life

The worst was when they spoke about Evan.He literally was the perfect boyfriend and (Y/N) couldn't tolerate their comment about their relationship.

"You sure he doesn't need a nurse? I could be his" said Sarah one time, and for this (Y/N) could blame her jealousy for her reaction because she knew Evan was an extremely attractive guy. But when Jennifer said "I really don't know why he's with you..." and then Carmen "yeah I'm sure he would want more than someone like you".

(Y/N) was sure of her relationship and in fact never really answered that type of comment...But there was that part of her she didn't have the strength to blame for being hurt about them.

How can a girl say that to another girl?

She couldn't answer that either.

(Y/N) was currently walking through theuniversity's courtyard to go to the bus station, all while recording an audio to her boyfriend about her day after he send her some texts when he woke up later in the evening after his shift.

"God I'm so fucking tired Buck, Mr Brown really has to learn how to not shout bec-" she suddenly stopped at the sign after her "no fucking way".

Her phone registered that too and when she arrived inches from Evan his phone rang for her notification.

"what the hell are you doing here?"

he was smiling.

God.

"surprise?" and then he smirked. (Y/N) nearly jumped to hug him and wrap her arms around his neck, but when they were about to kiss she reminded him "not here" and glanced around.

Evan knew she wasn't a fan of PDA and so when she would rather kiss him in private he didn't ask her too much about it. But now it was starting to feel strange she got so nervous near him at college...

"come on, you're at mine's tonight".

(Y/N) only smiled brighter and followed him to his car while she told him all about her day; and Evan listened to everything she said, every topic she defined interesting so he could bring it up later, every stop at the coffee shop she did so he would regulate her caffeine for the night and let her sleep, every essay she said she would forget so he could remind her eventually. He loved to listen to her. He loved when she rambled like that because she actually stopped his overthinking of everything when she did.

"shit! I was supposed to grab dinner at myparents's tonight" she suddenly said when they entered the car.

"already did that." He answered. She didn't know whether to be confused or impressed.

"I called your mum and told her my plan. Because I know how you hate Wednesdays and your mum cooks for you on them. After work I stopped at your parents'house and grabbed dinner -which by the way smelled delicious- and then came grab you"

Yeah... She was definitely impressed

She bent over Buck's car console and kissed him. (Y/N) was beyond grateful to have him in her life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The first thing (Y/N) did after she took off her shoes the moment Evan closed his house door was to grab his face and pull him in a desperate kiss. He was kind of shocked at the sudden urgency of her hands on him but he couldn't really complain, it was so long since they could kiss like this because of their packed schedules.

Bucks groans in (Y/N)'s mouth and starts to fidget with her jeans untill she stepped away to get off her shirt first. Buck was so distracted from kissing her breasts that he didn't realise she stripped down her pants too. (Y/N) took his face again and licked his lips, smiling, "now strip".

She was so demanding, Evan's cock twitched just for her tone. He quickly took off his shirt while (Y/N) turned around to go in the bedroom. It was then that he smirked, finally realising how tiny her panties were.

"look at that, my super smart slut" he said smacking her ass. She let out a yelp but she was smirking too while she led him to his room. Evan just followed like a lost puppy trying to get out of his jeans on the way.

The moment he saw (Y/N) finally, completely naked he pinned her to the wall and got on his knees

"can I?"

It was such a turn on that even after years of being together and the fact that (Y/N) was ready naked and all for him, Evan still asked for her permission.

She answered putting her hand through his hair and putting his head close to her.

He was so good at licking her.

It didn't last long because Evan was entering her pussy with his tongue and then he started sucking on her clit and -

"Evan" she breathed out.

The first time she did it, Buck was shocked at how he was affected by the sound of his name from her lips. But now he got addicted to it.

(Y/N) was a moaning mess and Buck started to alternate a lick and a bite to her lips, "Baby I-I really love this but-" , another moan at the sign of Buck stopping immediatly and looking at her from his lashes.

He was so hot.

"I need you".

That was enough for Buck to grab her by the thights and put her on the bed; he crawled over her and smiled but that didn't last long because (Y/N) started to stroke his cock and he fucking whimpered.

"Sweatheart" he started moving his hips in her hand, "yes baby?", she smirked at his flushed state "ple-se". (Y/N) put his cock near her entrance and when he felt her wetness Buck completly lost it and pushed into her. They both moaned at the new contact.

Evan gave her few moments to get adjusted before he started thrust so hard she scratched his back with her nails.

"Yes! Keep going Evan"

He kissed her neck and never once thought to change the pace because he could feel (Y/N) clench around him signaling him she was close. It was only when Buck started to moan more loudly that she allowed herself to really be in the moment and come on his dick. He followed shortly after her.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They stayed on the bed readjusting their breathing and cuddling for another half an hour before Buck got up and microwed them some food to eat in bed. (Y/N) couldn't even think to get up, Evan only worsened her tiredness.

The atmosphere was so confortable while they eat half covered with Evan's sheet, (Y/N) covered in one of his shirt, that she thought it was the right moment to answer the dubts that was forming in her boyfriend's mind since some weeks;

"I'm sorry", he looked up at her confused but she wasn't looking at him so he knew she needed time to actually talk.

"Do you think I'm enough for you?" at this Evan put his napkin away and got closer to her "what are you talking about baby? You're everything for me"; (Y/N) left a breth escape her lips and a light smile starts to form on them, but she got Buck worry now.

"What happened (Y/N)?" he put his hand on her thigh and followed her eyes in order to got her to look at him. She breathed in again. "Some girls at school... let's just say they think you could do better than me". Evan immediatly wrapped his arms around her.

"Oh love, you know they only say this 'cause they're jelous of you", she chuckled "yeah i know, it's stupid and I'm sorry I got you upset by avoiding you around campus but i really hate when they comment about us and it's even more stupid because I never cared for others opinion but when it comes to you I-"

Evan stopped her by kissing her.

"Thank you for finally telling what you were stressing about" another kiss "don't ever think you have to apologize, to me of all people, for your feelings" another kiss "and don't you ever, ever think you're not enough"

(Y/N) smiled at him.

"I love you". It was her that kissed him now.

"I love you too".

[s-ublimewrites]

writing sonnets (melissa schemmenti x f!reader)

synopsis: your students tease you relentlessly and melissa can't help but to join in

words: ~1.4k

warnings: none i think? wholesome borderline crack

note: im not sure i ever actually gender the reader here? but f!reader to cover my own ass<3

Don’t get it twisted - you love the inquisitive nature of your students, you really do. It’s something every eighth grade English teacher longs for. But your fourth period class has a certain knack for getting you off topic with their curiosity. On this particular day - a Friday, so blissfully close to freedom - you have relinquished all control and let them fall down the rabbit hole of fanfiction, of all things. Leave it to middle schoolers. 

They had only been learning about first, second, and third person narration - so innocuous, you didn’t see how you could possibly be derailed. Maybe you’d make it through the lesson, and you could relish in the four minutes of silence you get between periods, and-

“Where is second person narration used?” Angel doesn’t bother raising his hand, and you don’t bother admonishing him.  

You think briefly. “Honestly, not many pieces of published works use it - not that I’ve seen, anyway. We don’t talk about it much. I’ve really only seen the second person used in one place.”

You intend to leave it at that, but of course, Angel pushes. 

“Where?” he asks. 

In the second you use to inhale before tackling the question, Kennedy takes the liberty of answering: “Fanfiction, duh. That self-insert stuff.”

You can’t help it - a laugh bubbles out, and this is the moment everything begins to spiral. 

“Yeah,” you collapse into your desk chair, “Kennedy’s right. Fanfiction.”

Kennedy takes the opportunity - it’s been presented to her on a silver platter, really. “You know about fanfiction, Y/L/N?” 

“Sweetheart, my generation invented fanfiction. And I’m a writer. This was my game before you were even born.”

Angel is on his feet, his hands slamming on his desk and his voice rising with excitement, “WHERE CAN WE READ YOUR FANFICTION?” 

“Oh, my God, no. You can’t. It’s not on the internet or anything, I’d just, like… send it to my friends, or whatever,” you insist, hands coming to cover your red face as you laugh. 

The class, buzzing with chatter and giggles, continues to harass you. “So, what, Ms Schemmenti reads your fanfiction?”

Your hands are still covering your face. “No, Ms Schemmenti most certainly does not!”

“That’s because the fanfiction is about Ms Schemmenti. Y’all see how Y/L/N be looking at her in the halls,” someone says, and several others voice their agreement. 

“She’s down bad for real.”

“What?!” your head snaps up, eyes searching for whoever made the comment. The bell rings before you can get your answer. “Get out of my room, you absolute little monsters. Have a good weekend, please read chapter th- oh, okay, you’re gone. Cool. Awesome.” 

You look at the camera. It zooms in on your red, deadpan face. You drop your forehead onto the desk. 

-

When you walk into the lounge at the end of the day, you slump into the chair beside Janine, who’s engaged in a conversation about a scrabble tournament (sober scrabble - boring) with Jacob and Gregory. Barbara listens, not contributing, surely stockpiling the information so she can tell Melissa later. Melissa, who is thankfully not in the room at the moment. You think you would burst into flames. 

Janine halts her conversation about triple word scores when you throw yourself down into the chair by her. 

“Rough day?” Janine asks tentatively. 

“Long. The kids were focused on literally anything other than The Outsiders.” 

Janine nods. “I get it. Fridays, y’know? It’s always hard to keep them on task.” 

“Well, Y/N,” Jacob starts with a smirk, “my students were actually pretty interested in the topics of your class today. It’s all they could talk about when they sat down for seventh period.” 

You glare at him hard and warn, “Jacob. Do not.” 

Janine looks back and forth between you both and turns to Gregory. “Is there something I’m missing?”

“No,” you say sternly. Your eyes don’t leave Jacob’s shit-eating grin. “Not a thing.”

Jacob, it seems, has exceptionally few survival instincts and carries on giddily, “Y/N’s students found out she writes fanfiction-“

And, oh, good, Barbara is listening now, too. “Fan-fiction?” 

“Why is everyone saying that word today? It’s all I’ve been hearing in the halls since, like, fourth period.” Melissa asks, striding into the break room and taking the seat next to you. 

“I’m going to have to transfer schools,” you say, closing your eyes. 

Melissa pays this no mind. “All the older kids keep looking at me, too. It’s weird.”

You glare daggers at Jacob, whose face must hurt from the width of his smile. 

“So weird!” Jacob says innocently. 

Melissa narrows her eyes. 

“Why are you being weird? And not normal Jacob weird,” she questions, turning to you. “Why is he being weird?”

You slam your boot into Jacob’s shin under the table. “He’s not. No one’s being weird.” 

Melissa’s eyes flick back and forth between the two of you suspiciously. “Okay, someone tell me right now - what the hell is a fanfiction, and what does it have to do with me? And, apparently, Y/N?”

“Melissa, I am so glad you’ve asked, allow me to explain-“ Jacob starts, leaning across the table toward Melissa. 

“Oh my God,” you cut him off. Time to swallow your pride. 

You explain the situation… sort of. You explain in a watered-down way that incriminates you less. 

“So, yeah, they found out, and because I said ‘friend’ they connected it to you, and they misconstrued the whole thing, and it’s literally not a big deal-“ you're rambling and she knows it. 

“Wait,” Gregory stops you, “so this is why I heard Angel say ‘Y/L/N be writing sonnets about that red hair’ during lunch?”

Janine raises her eyebrows. “‘Sonnet?’ Pretty good vocab word.”

“Thank you, Janine! And thank you for focusing on the important part of the matter at hand: my impeccable teaching skills.” 

“So,” Barbara chimes in, “do you or do you not write these little stories about Melissa?”

“Barbara!” You’re mortified. “No! I do not!”

At long last, Melissa speaks. You don’t need to look at her to know there’s a smirk on her lips. “She doesn’t need to. Clearly, the material writes itself.”

“Melissa,” you plead. 

Melissa laughs that laugh, the one that makes the corners of your mouth turn up despite your discomfort. 

“Maybe that could be your end-of-the-year writing project for the kids - make them write that fanfiction,” Melissa teases. 

“You’re just as bad as Angel!” You laugh incredulously and let your hand smack Melissa’s shoulder. The others don’t miss the way Melissa doesn’t break your fingers at the gesture. 

In fact, Melissa's eyes soften as she bumps your shoulder with her own. “No, no, I can see it - newbie woos the Philly Eleven. There’s potential there.” 

You roll your eyes. “Well, I am pretty charming.”

“I’m going home,” Barbara stands up with a polite (if somewhat exasperated) smile, “Very glad we got this out of the way. Have a good weekend, everyone. Y/N… call me later.”

Barbara pats Melissa’s shoulder with a pointed look toward you, and takes her leave rapidly. 

“Uh,” you stare after her. “Yep. Bye, Barb.” 

Melissa’s eyebrow quirks up. “What was that?”

“Dunno,” you reply. “I’m sure you’ll know everything approximately five minutes after I hang up with her, though, so don’t worry.” 

Janine butts in (ah, yeah, the nerds are still here), “You guys call Barbara? Can I have her cell number? I always want to ask her but-“

“No,” you and Melissa say in unison, and Janine sighs heavily. 

You heave out a sigh of your own. “I need to go home - moreover I need to be somewhere no one is asking me about my nonexistent fanfiction habits.”

You stand, and Melissa stands with you as you both gather your belongings. “Impossible. I have your phone number.”

You “accidentally” smack Melissa with your purse, and Melissa “mistakenly” shoves her chair into your leg in a way that makes your knee buckle, and the rest of the Abbot crew watch the scene in morbid fascination. Because the cold hard truth is that if anyone else had dared to do… well, any of this, Melissa would be shoving her earrings into her pocket and removing her heels. Fight or fight instinct, y’know? 

Instead, though, she just swears at you in Italian as you head for the door, grinning widely when you return the sentiment in plain english. 

Ava entering the lounge halts you in your tracks. 

“Y’all will never guess what Angel just emailed me,” Ava exclaims, holding up her phone. “Did you know he knows the word ‘sonnet’? Proud of him.”

“Forward me that?”

Another smack from you. “Melissa, stop!” 

[beauty-and-passion]

Love Olympus: the "charming" lessons we learned from it

Hi! Are you searching for a good story, filled with creativity, care, coherence and beautiful art style? Then please, turn left and you will find something worth your time.

Here we will talk about that beautiful, terrible disaster that is Lore Olympus. Ah, it's always so nice to read a new retelling of Greek mythology and find out it's basically the same 200 stereotypes slapped together into something that's way older and staler than the original. What did my ancestor ever do to the world, to be treated like that.

But I've already talked about what a waste of potential Lore Olympus is, how pathetic the writing is and how bad the protagonists are. I've spent more than enough words commenting on why this series could've been great and came out like this.

Now there's only one thing left: to make fun of it. To draw our conclusions on the whole thing and the finale and find out what "wonderful" messages we got from it.

Don't worry: the messages are absolutely wonderful and I'm not sarcastic, not at aaaaall.

_______________________________

Planning in advance is for the weak

Don't you know how to fill your third season, after the "battle" that closed season 2? No problem! People will read you anyway, so instead of planning and moving the plot forward, waste everyone's time writing chapter after chapter of pure nothingness: your characters can have discussions so stupid, that people will question if they have been written by using ChatGPT. That will surely prove what a great writer you are!

And don't worry too much about the plot: just wait until inspiration magically falls from the sky. That's how it works, isn't it? Stories are just random events slapped together, with no planning, care or coherence whatsoever. When we write a story, we don't want to treat our readers like intelligent human beings, oh no: people are idiots, so we can just throw them the first shit that pops out of our minds and everything will be fine.

_______________________________

Coherence is for the weak

After waiting for inspiration (that somehow hasn't fallen from the sky yet, jeez I wonder why), you still don't know what to do with your plot? Easy, use one of the villains! Like the rapist guy! Now he's running for President.

Yes, we know there is a monarchy in this land, because there is a king, but it doesn't matter. The rapist is trying to be President now. President of what, you ask? It doesn't matter! Presidents exist, right? So he's trying to be one, that's all you need to know.

Will he become President? He's running from it, that's all! You don't need to know what happens after that! As we all know, stories do not have closed plot points, they're just random shit thrown around. So why care about solving a problem you just raised? Just forget it, it's not important.

Is the story supposed to take place in Olympus or, at least, in Greece? Well, what's the problem? As we all know, Europe and the US are basically the same thing, so how different can Greece and America be?

I mean: one is a huge country with many climate zones and wide areas, the other is a small, hot country mostly made of mountains and islands. One has a millennia-years-old culture that influenced the entirety of the West, the other is literally called the New World, to emphasize how young it is. Same place.

So, since they're so similar they're basically identical, just fill your Greece with American stuff and give your characters English names. Greece is notoriously full of English names. It's not like there are millions of people with similar names because parents give their own parents' names to their offspring and sometimes all siblings give their parents' names to all their children and the result is that your cousins all have the same goddamn name and you all came up with nicknames to distinguish between them.

No, that's not based on personal experience, what makes you think that.

_______________________________

The protagonist is better than anyone else

Is Zeus telling you he wants to give his child to some nymphs, because he knows won't be a good father? Well, clearly the most normal thing to do is steal his baby. No, not because you're a psychopath, but because you clearly know how to handle the baby better than some nymphs. Remember: you are the protagonist, hence you are better at everything anyone can do, especially a stupid nymph. You will care for the baby more and better than anyone else, no doubt.

Is the child you stole running around without supervision? But you took care of him! You even hired a babysitter! No, of course you didn't spend time with him, you were busy! What? It could've been better to leave the child with the nymphs as Zeus wanted, because at least they would've spent their time with the child and not hired someone else to do it? Listen, we don't work with logic here and you are the protagonist, so of course all of your decisions are perfect and should never be questioned.

Speaking of kids: is your mother telling you she had a son who died? Time for some favoritism! Your husband is the god of the dead, so death isn't a problem anymore. What? Death is supposed to be impossible to overcome? But you're the protagonist, so the mere mortals' rules do not apply to you. Death is nothing, compared to your perfection.

Oh no, you accidentally caused winter! And a genocide! But remember: you're the protagonist, so of course you're always perfect. And you didn't do it on purpose, so you're automatically innocent and people attacking you are just mean and jealous.

See? You're so perfect, you found a way to solve the problem! How? Easy, by believing in yourself ✨✨✨ And by talking (badly) about how life and death are linked. Yes, we know it's the equivalent of saying that 2+2=4, but we don't want to treat our readers like intelligent people, here. All they have to do is just revel in your perfection.

_______________________________

More villains! Because Yes!

Do you still have no idea what to do with your plot, after too many useless chapters? Easy, use the cartoonish supervillain! He will do the trick! And throw another naked woman to defeat him: it worked once, it'll work again.

Is your cartoonish supervillain actually useless? No problem, make another villain even more useless. And make him appear out of thin air for two chapters. And since readers are stupid, just tell them that he was the evil mastermind behind everything. They'll eat it up.

Oh, and President Loser is in cahoots with SuperMegaVillain now. Why? Because Yes, of course.

You don't know how to defeat SuperMegaVillain? 🧑‍🤝‍🧑Avengers Assemble🧑‍🤝‍🧑and you're done. It worked for Marvel, it'll work for your story too. I know it's settled in Greece and fertility goddesses do not have resurrection powers or whatever the fuck they're doing, but shhhhh.

_______________________________

Random justice is good

With all those villains to defeat, you forgot your story is supposed to be a retelling of the myth of Hades and Persephone? No problem, just stick a "Gaia Ex-Machina" here and let her solve the story with a power and authority she doesn't have. No one will notice the difference.

Speaking of justice: is the rapist gonna get the punishment he deserves? Sure, get this: he will fall in love with you and turn himself in. And he will get community service as punishment.

Are you saying that this isn't a real punishment? But of course it is! He turned himself in! The victim isn't allowed to expose him, nor to see him actually getting punished. All the victim can do is walk away. It's not that lack of control is a big deal for a rape victim, right? And seeing the rapist finally get punished won't give them the catharsis they need, right? And it definitely won't free them of the huge weight they carry on, because of the awful, horrible act they suffered from, right?

Of course not, so ah ah ah, the rapist gets to build places, very funny. And aside from that stupid punishment, of course he's free to walk around and, who knows?, maybe rape someone else. Wow, justice truly works well in this place! I would feel so safe to go around there!

_______________________________

Queer people are stupid too (and ghosts, sometimes)

All those villains could've been great in a story centered around Zeus? We don't work with Zeus here: we hate men, all men except for the capitalist hubby of our dreams. So Zeus is a useless piece of shit and he will keep being a useless piece of shit until the end. Also, he's not a real king anymore, because apparently democracy popped out of nowhere and everyone just rolls with it. I wonder why it too centuries to accept it all over the world...

And Hera is a lesbian now. Why? I already told you we don't work with logic here. She's a lesbian because queer people are idiots too, so thrown them a queer character and they will like it, doesn't matter if it makes zero sense.

Uh? Are you saying that asexual and aromantic people exist too? No, of course not: they're just waiting for the hot lesbian of their dreams or for the hubby that will turn them into wives and mothers.

Hence why the organization centered around celibacy closed: it was just a cover for lesbians after all! And we all know that women can only be lesbians or mothers. A woman doesn't want or feel any romantic attraction? She doesn't exist, then.

Wow people, I don't exist! I'm a ghost!

_______________________________

Feminism means gender stereotypes

As Wikipedia says, feminism is:

"... a range of socio-political movements and ideologies that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes."

But Wikipedia is stupid, while we won a shit ton of prizes for some reason, so we're the good authors here. And we decided that feminism means "women good, men bad". This definitely isn't a point of view based on a warping of the original concept of feminism, that focused on helping women because, since societies are patriarchal, men already have a powerful position. Hence why, feminism fought (and fights) to give women a powerful position too: to make both genders on the same plane.

But nope, this is all stupid and wrong and doing research is underrated - after all, we wrote a story entirely based on the first shit that popped into our mind, so why do research about this? Let's focus on the superficial vision of feminism and fight for women's equality, by making them lesbians or mothers.

Because sure, feminism is good, but capitalism is better. And since capitalism wants you to have kids, go home to your rich hubby and have a ton of kids you definitely won't neglect, like the child you stole or the supposed godson you never cared about and only after he's an adult "sometimes" you have a conversation with. That's how a perfect, traditional family works, after all. And we know this didn't lead to any generational trauma at aaaaall.

_______________________________

In conclusion

I don't know if you noticed the teeny tiny veil of sarcasm in my words. I know, it was so subtle, almost invisible. I made it oh-so-hard to find it, please let me know how hard it was.

But you know what? This story is over and I needed to let some sarcasm out. I am finally free to read something else, possibly (hopefully!) better.

And the next time I will approach another retelling... who am I kidding, I know I will fall for it like an idiot because that's what I do every time. They get me with something I love and once I find out it's shitty, I keep reading because I want to see how bad it is.

In this, Lore Olympus didn't disappoint: I expected something bad, I got something bad. And, sometimes, it was so bad, to make me laugh, so extra points for the stupidity: I appreciate something that makes me laugh, way more than something that makes me angry.

And, as I said in my previous posts, even something bad is useful, because it teaches you how NOT to do something.

So thank you, Lore Olympus, for being a terrible teacher. And thank you for making me appreciate the original myths even more. There's a reason why they still stand after millennials and can still capture the popular imagination, while this series will probably be forgotten in a couple years.

To you all, my readers: if you managed to reach the end of LO like me, congrats for surviving it, I hope you learned something useful about how to make better art.

But if you never approached Lore Olympus, don't do it: it's not worth the time you will lose.

Unless you want to see with your own eyes how does it look a story with zero planning and random ideas thrown everywhere. In that case, please, be my guest: read it and learn how not to write. You will learn a lot from this.

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(How about a coffee? ☕)

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[kvetchlandia]

Pompilio Villarubbia Norri Roman Poet Gaius Valerius Catullus c.1935

When I was in high school, everyone was taking smart choice foreign languages: French, Spanish, German. I'm sure people would have taken Mandarin had my school offered it. But no, not me. I had to do the lame thing and go for the useless. I took Latin. By the time I hit university, I was pretty advanced in the language, but hadn't yet subjected myself to the barbarism of Medieval Church Latin (sorry, but what can I tell ya? I'm a classicist, I guess). Anyway, in my first term at Berkeley, I took an intensive course so I could hop right into translation of serious classical documents. My instructor (I still remember her name, which was great. She was called Tizzzie) had us select a Catullus poem to translate, just as a warm up. At random, because I didn't know it, I chose Catullus 58, one of the Lesbia poems. Lesbia was Catullus' love for a while, and he wrote a bunch of lovely romantic poems inspired by and dedicated to her. Then they had a nasty breakup and he took out the literary knives. Here is Catullus 58 in Latin:

Caeli, Lesbia nostra, Lesbia illa, illa Lesbia, quam Catullus unam plus quam se atque suos amavit omnes, nunc in quadriviis et angiportis glubit magnanimi Remi nepotes.

The reason I'm telling this boring tale is this: Look at the last line. Do you see the first word in the line - glubit (3rd person singular of the verb glubere, if you really wanted to know, which I rather doubt is the case). Well, I had no idea what the verb meant, never having encountered it before. I looked it up in my little student's Latin/English dictionary, only to find that it didn't appear there. Mystified, I went to the Doe Library, Berkeley's main library, where they had a bunch of Latin/English dictionaries. I grabbed one off the shelf at random and finally found a definition, which was "to bark back." I was like, "to bark back," what the fuck does that mean? Finally, I went to the humungous Oxford Latin Dictionary, in which at last I found a definition that made some sense. That would be - glubere: to pull back the foreskin prior to giving oral sex.

Damn, Latin actually had a piece of sex slang which literally meant to pull back the foreskin prior to giving a blow job! I learned this at UC Berkeley. And people say college isn't good for anything!

And, for those few of you who've bothered to read this far, here's my translation of the poem:

Caelius, our Lesbia, that Lesbia, that same Lesbia, who alone Catullus once loved more than himself and all others, now in the crossroads and alleyways pulls back the foreskins and sucks off the descendants of noble Remus.

OK, that's our lesson for the day. Be prepared for a quiz tomorrow. Class dismissed.

[queenklu]

Seeing AI discourse about writing college papers reminded me of the time I got Called In To A Professor's Office over a paper I wrote that he thought was plagiarized.

See, the thing I had realized about myself by that point was that I am...VERY BAD....at reading the assigned books. I have every intention of doing so while in class, but the instant I'm out of class the book no longer exists (what adhd). So by the end of the year I would always wind up getting screwed over in the book buy-back with books I'd literally never cracked the spine on, because it turned out speed-reading sparknotes could get me through class discussion and I'd developed a System(TM) for panic-writing an essay the night before.

This system was: find an online pdf of the book. Skim. Read summaries. Pull quotes from pdf. Bullshit. Estimate the page number for any citations because no one actually checks those, and use the publication data from the syllabus for the works cited. This works Very Well if you are, like me, a sarcastic asshole who knows teachers want to read an entertaining essay instead of yet another regurgitation of whatever sounds academically "best."

So here's this history class, which actually turns out to be an english class in disguise, and we are told to read and write an essay on The First Autobiography Ever Written in the English Language, which just so happens to be about a lady who had FOURTEEN kids, suffered a psychotic break, and spent the rest of her life campaigning to become a saint.

It's called The Book of Margery Kempe. I cannot express to you how smug I am to find a pdf of the exact same copy we'd been told to buy, down to the same publishing house and year of publication. I won't even have to bullshit page numbers.

...It's written in Middle English.

Here begynnyth a schort tretys and a comfortabyl for synful wrecchys, wherin thei may have gret solas and comfort to hem and undyrstondyn the hy and unspecabyl mercy of ower sovereyn Savyowr Cryst Jhesu, whos name be worschepd and magnyfyed wythowten ende, that now in ower days to us unworthy deyneth to exercysen hys nobeley and hys goodnesse....

This is fine, College!me thinks. A little tedious, but clearly the entire class has successfully done the reading enough to talk about it, so it must be doable. They probably had discussions about the language and I forgot to pay attention.

So I write the essay, pulling quotes from this middle english pdf that I can only half read, but that I can certainly form opinions about. Is it my best essay? No. Is it snarky? Yes. Is it in MLA format? That's mostly what they'll be checking for.

Then the Professor pulls me aside after class and asks to speak with me in his office. I have another class that I have to go to, and because I'm commuting in to college I won't be back on campus until two days later; he says that's fine, and all of this is settled and we've parted ways before it hits me how fucking fucked I am.

It must be the book.

He's going to call me out on not buying the book.

Can he tell I didn't read the book?

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

And I have two days to stew in it.

By the time our meeting rolls around I am a Mess. He is going to fail me. I am going to die. If I open my mouth at all I will burst into tears. Perhaps there is the slimmest chance if I act Normal this will be fine??????

P: So I read your essay...

Me: *using my Normal face* ⊙.☉

P: ...and I'm just wondering...

Me: ⊙.☉'

P: ...where you got the quotes?

Me: ⊙.☉'''

P: .....because the version of the book we read....isn't in Middle English.

Me: ⊙.☉??????????

P: I actually thought you might have plagiarized it--

Me: ⊙.☉!!!!!!!

P:--but to be honest it's written so entirely in your style that it's impossible this essay is plagiarized.

Me: ........⊙.☉.....

P: .... Anyway.

P: Just wanted to chat.

P: Uh. You're free to go.

Me:

HERE'S THE LESSONS LEARNED:

Just buy the book Cite the pdf. The professors Do Not Care how you've read the book as long as they can plausibly believe you've read it.

Just read the book Listen. I wasn't going to get anywhere near an ADHD diagnosis until my 30s. And if they can't tell you didn't read the book, then is it really the same as not reading the book? I think Margery would agree you gotta make some shit up to get anywhere in life.

Being a sarcastic asshole in my academic papers saved me from a plagiarism charge.

[periwinkla]

1-4 ending JP -> ENG comparison

Keep in mind: -Notes are in small text -The / is meant to separate paragraphs (I'll use it when it gets too visually messy) Disclaimer : I only studied Japanese for a little while. AA dialogue is pretty simple though. Also English isn't my native language either. Feel free to correct me on anything wrong here. Also note that I'm not trying to make the translations sound natural, I'm mostly trying to explain what the words are saying, sometimes I'll be more literal than others. Translation =/= localization.

Phoenix 終わったな、御剣‥‥。 Owatta na, Mitsurugi... So, it's finally over, Edgeworth.

Edgeworth ‥‥‥‥‥‥ … 成歩堂。 Naruhodou. Wright.

Phoenix ん？ N? Yeah?

Edgeworth: ‥‥‥‥‥‥ … ‥‥その‥‥、 なんと言えばいいのか‥‥。 ...Sono... nan to ieba ii no ka... I… I'm not sure how to say this.

Maya そういうときはね。 “ありがとう”って言うんだよ！ Sou iu toki wa ne. "Arigatou" tte iun da yo! I know! I know! Try "thank you."

Edgeworth そ、そうなのか。 So, Sou na no ka. I… I see.

‥‥‥‥‥‥ …

あ、ありがとう、成歩堂。 A, Arigatou, Naruhodou. Th-thank you, Wright.

Phoenix ど、どういたしまして。 Do, douitashimashite. Y-you're welcome. They sound fairly stiff here. Phoenix's response isn't exactly formal by Japanese standards... I'd say it's casual/formal, but the stuttering makes it stiffer, I feel. Also compared to how they behave in 3-5, I think it's very different. Will elaborate in a future post when I get to analyze that dialogue.

Maya うーん‥‥イマイチ、 ハリアイがないなあ‥‥。 Uun... imaichi, hariai ga nai naa.. I think you could have done better than that!

Edgeworth ム‥‥スマン。 こういうの、ニガテで‥‥。 Mu... Suman. Kouiu no, nigate de... Oof! S-sorry… I'm not good at this sort of thing.

Maya もう！　ダメだなあ、御剣検事は。 Mou! Dame da naa, Mitsurugi Kenji wa. You got a lot to learn, Edgeworth!

Phoenix （‥‥やれやれ‥‥） (...Yareyare...) (Dear, dear…) (this is not at all important but I noticed it's an expression Phoenix uses a lot: yare yare...)

Gumshoe うおおおおおおおおおおおおおっ！ Uoooooooooooooh! Whoooooooooooooop!

さすがッス！　自分が見込んだ だけのコトはあったッス！ Sasuga ssu! Jibun ga mikonda dake no koto wa atta ssu! Amazing, pal! You pulled through just like I thought you would!

糸鋸　圭介。この恩は一生、 わすれないッス！ Itonoko Keisuke. Kono on wa isshou, wasurenai ssu! I'll never forget this! I owe you one, pal.

今夜は、パーッとやるッス！ 自分がゴチソウするッス！ Kon'ya wa, paa tto yaru ssu! Jibun ga gochisou suru ssu! And tonight, let's party! Dinner's on me!

今月から給料がちょっぴり 下がったッスが、気にしねッス！ Kongetsu kara kyuuryou ga choppiri sagatta ssu ga, ki ni shine ssu! Yeah, my salary went down a bit this month… But who cares!

Maya ほらほらほら、御剣検事。 イトノコ刑事を見ならうの！ Hora hora hora, Mitsurugi Kenji. Itonoko Keiji wo minarau no! See, Mr. Edgeworth? You should take a lesson from Detective Gumshoe!

あんな感じにやると、カンシャの キモチが伝わるんだよ！ Anna kanji ni yaru to, kansha no kimochi ga tsutawarun da yo! That's how you say "thank you"!

Edgeworth ‥‥ム。 な‥‥なるほど。 ...Mu. Na.... Naruhodo. Mmm. I… I see. Note how he basically says Wright's butchered JP name, which is a pun for the game (it means 'I see' / 'I understand') but it also means that the gap between them is somewhat getting narrower. It could just be for comic relief, but...note that when he attempts to thank him the first time, he calls out to him with 'Naruhodou', but now on his second attempt he says 'Naruhodo' before trying to thank him. Unfortunately the subtletly and ambiguity of this cannot be localized. By the way, he also uses 'Naruhodo' before the final trial in T&T, will elaborate on in at a later date. (I don't know whether there are other times other than these two, I haven't analyzed enough transcripts yet)

コホン。 Gohon. ahem

う、うおおおおおおおおおっ！ U, Uooooooooh! Whooooooooooooop! This is, and I'm completely serious here, one of my most favourite scenes. Note the difference between Edgeworth's and Gumshoe's shouts: in the JP, 4 'O's are missing in Edgeworth's shout, while in ENG, 1 'O' is missing - the localization was careful enough to add that tiny difference, and although I am not sure why they reduced it to one single 'O', it's still interesting they differentiated them all the same.

‥‥‥‥‥‥ …

ダメだ。‥‥ヤッパリ、 私なんか‥‥。 Dame da. ...Yappari, Watashi nanka... I… I feel foolish. literal translation: No, that's not right. As I thought, / someone like me... *'someone like me...' : the underlying message seems to be: 'As I thought, something like this/acting like this wouldn't fit someone like me'

Maya まあまあ、少しずつ 慣れていきましょうよ。 Maa maa, sukoshi zutsu narete ikimashou yo. Don't worry. Take it a little at a time. You'll get used to it.

more literal translation: Come on, come on, little by little / let's get used to it! It seems to me Maya says it in a way to mean something like they'll do it together, so he shouldn't worry - implying he's not alone (anymore), again Japanese can be subtle so I'm not sure, but considering Maya's empathic character, I'd say that's what she meant. In any case, she's trying to encourage him. Very sweet! Phoenix （こんなスナオな御剣を 　見るの、１５年ぶりだな‥‥） (Konna sunao na Mitsurugi o miru no, juugo-nen buri da na...) (It's been fifteen years since I've seen Edgeworth this… unguarded.)

more literal translation: It's been 15 years... since I've seen Edgeworth (act) this honest (with his feelings)... Phoenix is saying that it's been a long time since he's seen Edgeworth be honest/sincere with his feelings/upfront with his feelings. The localization gets the meaning across very nicely. Lotta おっ、いたいた！ O, ita ita! Hey, y'all!

Maya あ、ナツミさん！ A, Natsumi-san! Lotta!

Lotta いやー、アンタら。 カッコよかったでー。 Iya, antara. Kakkoyokatta de. Y'all were great in there!

Phoenix ありがとうございます。 Arigatou gozaimasu. Thank you!

Lotta おッ。ニイちゃん。 無罪、おめでと！ Oo, Niichan. Muzai, omedetou! Yo, Edgeworth! Congrats!

Edgeworth ム‥‥お、おおきに。 Mu... o, ookini. Er… thank y'all very much. ookini = 'thank you a lot' in Kansai dialect (which is the dialect Lotta uses) I find it adorably funny that first he tries to imitate Gumshoe to thank people and now he's trying Lotta's ways...

Lotta ウチには、最初から わかってたんやで！ Uchi ni wa, saisho kara wakattetan ya de! I knew you were innocent from the start, of course.

あんたが無罪だ、ってなあ！ Anta ga muzai da, tte naa! Just look at you! You wouldn't stick your hand in the cookie jar even if no one was there! The ENG adds a lot here which wasn't in the original. in the JP, she basically only says: 'From the start, / I knew! / That you were innocent!!' (I think this is mostly done to convey Lotta's character, since the dialect wouldn't have been enough here to convey that I believe)

Edgeworth ‥‥たしか、初日の 検察側の証人だったような‥‥。 ...Tashika, shonichi no kensatsu-gawa no shounin datta you na... You… were the witness on the first day of the trial, weren't you.

Lotta まま。まあまあ。 細かいこと、気にしなさんな！ Ma ma. Maa maa. Komakai koto, ki ni shinasan na! Yeah, well, let bygones be bygones, eh?

Phoenix そういえば、ナツミさん‥‥、 今は、何を‥‥？ Sou ieba, Natsumi-san..., Ima wa, nani o...? Speaking of which, what are you doing now, Lotta?

Lotta おー、今か？ 大学にもどったで。 Oo, ima ka? Daigaku ni modotta de. Who, me? Aww, I went back to college.

スクープカメラマンになる夢は、 もうオシマイや。 Sukūpu kameraman ni naru yume wa, mō oshimai ya. I gave up trying to be an investigative photographer pretty quick.

Phoenix そうなんですか‥‥。 Sou nan desu ka... Really? That's too bad.

Lotta あれ？ Are? Huh?

Phoenix ？ ?

Lotta あそこにいるの、公園の マンジュウ屋、ちゃうか？ Asoko ni iru no, kōen no manjū-ya, chau ka? Isn't that the hotdog guy from the park?

Phoenix ‥‥え？ ...E? Huh?

Larry ‥‥死ぬんだぁ‥‥。 ...Shinun daa... It's over, Nick! My life is over!

Phoenix な、なんでおまえが そんなカオしてるんだよ！ Na, nande omae ga sonna kao shiteru nda yo! Wh-why the sad face, Larry!? What happened now!?

Larry 成歩堂ぉ‥‥。 オレ、そろそろ死ぬからさぁ。 Naruhodouo... Ore, sorosoro shinu kara saa. Oh, Nick… I'm not long for this world. (Just funny how he drags Naruhodou's name out in a wail here.)

Phoenix い、いやいやいや。 I, iya iya iya. Uh… you don't look sick… literally like 'n, nonono' but meaning something more like 'wa, wait wait wait' - it sounds like he's about done with Larry's histrionics and possibly shaking his head in denial...

Larry カズミがよお‥‥パリ 暮らすって言い出して‥‥、 Kazumi ga yoo...Pari kurasu tte iidashite... It's Kiyance! Sh-she's goin' to live in Paris! Paris, Nick!

置いていかれちまったんだよぉぉ！ Oiteikarechimattan da yooo! She's leaving me behind!!!

Phoenix （‥‥やれやれ‥‥） (...Yare yare...) (Larry, Larry…) I noticed Phoenix uses this expression a lot. It's quite funny to me, reminds me of an old man that is about done with his youngings' shenanigans.

Larry お。御剣。いたのか。 O. Mitsurugi. Ita no ka. Yo, Edgey! There you are!

Edgeworth ム。そりゃまあ、いる。 Mu. Sorya maa, iru. Um, yes, here I am.

Larry おめでとうな、御剣。 ‥‥コレ、オレからのお祝い！ Omedetou na, Mitsurugi. ...Kore, ore kara no oiwai! Congrats, Edgey! Here… a little gift from me in celebration!

Edgeworth “お祝い”？　‥‥めずらしいな。 "Oiwai"? ...Mezurashii na. Celebration? That's unusual for you.

Gumshoe お。アンタも後で来るッス！ ゴチソウするッス！ O. Anta mo ato de kuru ssu! Gochisou suru ssu! Harry Butz! You come along tonight too! My treat, pal!

Larry は、はあ。 楽しみにしてます。 Ha, haa. Tanoshiminishitemasu. Huh? Uh… thanks! Looking forward to it! （オイ、成歩堂） (Oi, Naruhodou) (Yo, yo, Nick!)

（アイツ、オレを取り調べした 　刑事だぜ‥‥） (Aitsu, ore o toriirabeshita keiji da ze...) (That's the suit that questioned me!)

（ゴチソウって、まさか 　カツ丼じゃねえだろうな‥‥） (Gochisōtte, masaka katsudon ja nee darou na...) (When he says treat… that's not police-talk for prison food, right? Right?)

Phoenix そ、それはないと思うぞ。 So, sore wa nai to omou zo. Uh, I think you'll be fine, Larry.

Edgeworth ‥‥成歩堂。 ...Naruhodou. Wright…

Phoenix ん？　どうした？ N? Doushita? Yeah? What's up?

Edgeworth ‥‥金が入っているぞ。 矢張がくれた封筒。 ...Kane ga haitte iru zo. Yahari ga kureta fūtō. That envelope that Larry gave me. It's got money in it.

Phoenix そりゃそうだろ。 “お祝い”だからな。 Sorya sou daro. "Oiwai" dakara na. Well, yeah. That's not that strange. People give money away to celebrate sometimes.

Edgeworth ３８００円だ。 3800 en da. It's $38.00, Wright.

Phoenix ‥‥また、ずいぶんハンパな 金額だな‥‥。 ...Mata, zuibun hanpa na kingaku da na... Huh. What a weird amount. I mean, it's not a little, but it's not a lot either.

‥‥‥‥‥‥ …

３８００円？ 3800 en? $38.00 exactly?

Maya ‥‥ななな、なるほどくん！ ...Na na na, Naruhodo-kun! N-N-Nick!

小学校のころ、御剣検事が盗まれた 給食費って、たしか‥‥！ Shōgakkō no koro, Mitsurugi-Kenji ga nusumareta kyūshoku-hi tte, tashika...! Wasn't that exactly the amount of lunch money that was stolen from Mr. Edgeworth in school!?

Phoenix さ‥‥３８００円‥‥？ Sa... 3800 en...? $38…!

ままま、まさか‥‥ Ma ma ma, masaka.... No… (I think the shock-induced stuttering in this line might be meant to parallel Maya's previous one. Cute!)

‥‥‥‥まさかああああッ！ 矢張、お前ェェェェッ！ ...Masakaaaaa! Yahari, omaeeee! No!!! Larry, it was you!!! There is a fun pun lost in translation here. Larry's JP name, Yahari, means 'after all/as expected/as I thought' - so Larry's name can be intended both as a vocative and a figure of speech here. "After all, it was you!" = "Larry, it was you!" The phrases basically overlap in JP, as if he were saying them at the same time.

Edgeworth 何をイロめきたっている？ 成歩堂。 Nani o iromekitatte iru? Naruhodou. What are you so surprised about, Wright?

Phoenix え？ E? Huh?

Edgeworth たしかに矢張は、あの日 カゼで学校を休んでいた。 Tashika ni Yahari wa, ano hi Kaze de gakkou wo yasunde ita. Larry was absent that day from school, right?

だが、だからといって 犯人でないという理由にはならん。 Daga, dakara to itte hannin de nai to iu riyuu ni wa naran. But that doesn't automatically rule him out as a suspect.

Phoenix え！ What?

Edgeworth １５年前の、あの日。 15 nen mae no, ano hi. Think back to that day, fifteen years ago.

休んだはいいが、タイクツだった 矢張は、学校に来てみたのだろう。 Yasunda hai ga, taikutsu datta Yahari wa, gakkou ni kite mita no darou. Larry took the day off, but he was bored, he came in to school anyway.

そして、まあ‥‥、ちょっと 手が伸びてしまったんだろうな。 Soshite, maa..., chotto te ga nobite shimatta ndarou na. Then he saw the money lying there… and the rest is history.

Larry 伸びちまったんだろうねえ、 イヤハヤ、これが‥‥。 Nobichimattan darou nee, iyahaya, kore ga... I never was good at History! Heh… The joke is a bit different here, Edgeworth jokes that Larry's hand must have 'stretched out' , but I suppose 'slipped' is more apt. And Larry is like 'Yeah, guess it must have slipped!' The translation would be something like: Edgeworth: And, well, / his hand must have ended up slipping (must have slipped). Larry: Yeah, guess it must have slipped, / eheh, well...

Phoenix ‥‥‥‥‥‥ …

御剣‥‥まさかお前、 ‥‥知ってたのか？ Mitsurugi... Masaka omae, ...Shitteta no ka? Edgeworth… you didn't know, did you?

Edgeworth ‥‥アヤシイとは思っていた。 ...Ayashii to wa omotteita. I suspected.

literal translation: I thought it was suspicious. (I find it endearing that he suspected but didn't say anything - despite how he acts, Edgeworth is really a softie most times, even towards Larry who he has the rightful urge to murder more often than not) いつもの矢張なら、 お前をかばうのはオカシイ。 Itsumo no Yahari nara, Omae o kabau no wa okashii. I just couldn't picture Larry protecting you like he did that day.

みんなといっしょになって、 ここぞとばかり責めたてただろう。 Minna to issho ni natte, Kokozo to bakari semetate daro. Everyone else was saying you did it. The whole class was against you, remember?

Phoenix ‥‥うむむむむ。 ... Umumumumu. Yeah… too well. Phoenix's blabbering is hilarious here. He's in utter denial. Like he's nodding at what he's saying but he's refusing the knowledge to enter his brain.

Edgeworth 成歩堂。もしかしたら お前は知らないかもしれないが、 Naruhodou. Moshikashitara Omae wa shiranai kamoshirenai ga, Wright, you may not know this, but we used to have a saying back in school.

この男は、こう言われていたんだ。 “事件のカゲにヤッパリ矢張”と。 Kono otoko wa, kou iwarete ita nda. "Jiken no kage ni yappari Yabari" to. "When something smells, it's usually the Butz." The saying actually means : 'In the shadow of an incident/trouble, after all, there is Larry' There is the usual pun 'yappari Yahari' so I think the localization of the saying and his name was done very well to render the original meaning.

Phoenix そのコトバなら、イヤというほど 思い知らされてるよ！ Sono kotoba nara, iya to iu hodo omoishirasa reteru yo! I know, I know. I would translate this more to: 'If you're saying that, why didn't you tell me!'

Edgeworth ‥‥いやあ、成歩堂。まさか、 キミが気づいていなかったとは。 ...Iyaa, Naruhodou. Masaka, Kimi ga kizuite inakatta to wa. Really, Wright. I'm surprised you didn't figure it out! '...Why, Wright. It can't be, / you hadn't realized.' This is so funny to me, in both versions. In JP it sounds a bit more teasing and cocky, but still. It sounds like to Edgeworth, shouting objection and reprimanding his classmates and teacher as a 9 year old was no big deal. So he didn't care to mention, thought Phoenix would figure it out. If not, no big deal. To Phoenix, it was life-changing. Phoenix is having a (mid) life crisis.

Larry 意外だねこりゃあ。 Igai da ne koryaa. Well, this is sure an unexpected turn of events, eh?

Phoenix ‥‥御剣。 ... Mitsurugi. Edgeworth…

Edgeworth ん？ N? Hmm?

Phoenix 言えよ！ Ieyo! You should have told me! Here it may look like a whole different thing but it's mostly that there is no other natural way to translate this. 'Ieyo' is just the imperative of the verb 'ieru', 'to tell'. It kinda gives the feeling of 'But (then) tell me, dammit!'

Maya まあまあ、なるほどくん。 もう１５年前のコトでしょ？ Maa maa, Naruhodo-kun. Mou juugo-nen mae no koto desho? Now, now, Nick. It was fifteen years ago!

これって“じこう”ってヤツ だよね？　御剣検事。 Kore tte "jikou" tte yatsu da yo ne? Mitsurugi Kenji. Don't you think the "statute of limitations" has run out, Mr. Edgeworth?

Edgeworth そういうこと、だな。 Souiu koto, da na. I'd say so, yes.

Larry そういうことだよ。 Souiu koto da yo. There you have it! In JP version, I found it funny how Larry parrots Edgeworth's words. 'Souiu koto' means 'it's like that'.

Phoenix ‥‥まったく‥‥。 ...Mattaku,,, Grr…

お前らに��ンシャして弁護士に なったぼくの立場はどうなるんだ？ Omaera ni kansha shite bengoshi ni natta boku no tachiba wa dou narun da? Where does that leave me!? I became a defense attorney because of what you two did!

Edgeworth 感動的なまでのお人よし、 といったところだろうか。 Kandō-teki na made no o-hito yoshi, to itta tokoro darou ka. Well, I'd call you a goody-two-shoes to the extreme.

Larry とんだお調子モノ、とも 言えるよナ！ Tonda o-chōshimono, tomo ieru yo na! Yeah! And you get worked up too easily, too!

Phoenix し、死刑だ！ コイツを死刑にしてくれェッ！ Shi, shikei da! Koitsu o shikei ni shite kuree! D-death! The death sentence for both of you!

‥‥こんなことなら、 検事になりゃよかったあ！ ...Konna koto nara, kenji ni narya yokattaa! Man, if I only had known, I'd have become a prosecutor!

Edgeworth ‥‥それは私も同じだ。 ...Sore wa watashi mo onaji da. The same goes for me, only the other way around…

“もしかしたら、自分は父親を 撃ってしまったのかもしれない” "Moshikashitara, jibun wa chichioya o utte shimatta no kamoshirenai" For the longest time, I thought that I might have killed my own father. These are provided as literal phrases he thought: 'Could it be, I myself was the one that ended up shooting my father.'

“自分は罪人かもしれない” "Jibun wa zainin kamoshirenai" I thought I might be a criminal. "What if I'm a criminal, myself.'

‥‥私は、そういう自分を 罰する意味もあって検事になった。 …Watashi wa, sou iu jibun o batsu suru imi mo atte kenji ni natta. I became a prosecutor in part to punish myself.

Basically the same, but instead of saying 'in part' he says that was one of the reasons. He says he became a prosecutor for that reason as well (among others), the reason being that of punishing himself. ‥‥こんなことなら、 弁護士になりたかったよ。 ...Konna koto nara, bengoshi ni naritakatta yo. If I had known the truth, I might have become a defense attorney after all. 'If it were like this (if I had known), I would have wished to become a defense attorney.' The way he says it seems way more heartbreaking in Japanese. Naritakatta = wanted to become, which here becomes 'I would have wanted to become' because of context. I translated it as 'would have wished' because it seems more apt here. Naritakatta expresses a desire for something you had wanted in the past. 'I would have gone for being a defense attorney'... It indicates that someone wanted to become or achieve something at some point in the past, but for some reason, they were not able to fulfill that desire.

Phoenix ‥‥御剣。 ... Mitsurugi. Edgeworth…

Edgeworth かわるか、成歩堂。 Kawaru ka, Naruhodou. Want to switch, Wright? Says the same thing... and it sounds so resigned in both versions. It's curt, and their conversation ends just like that. Breaks my heart.

[janus-cadet]

So, I've been watching Hazbin Hotel, and Helluva Boss.

Loved it. Therefore, obviously, to none of my friends' surprise, I added the fandom in that nonsensical tarot project of mine- and it starts with Lucifer, the short king himself, as the Five of Cups.

(The Devil was already taken, which both caused me immense amont of dismay, and just as much relief, because that version of Lucifer does NOT fit the Devil card as much as he could.)

Now, under the cut (only for the braves who can handle a long post spoken in broken english), the mandatory explanation for the choice of the card and the composition.

A joyous card, isn't it! Ahah? Totally. Let's get right into it.

The Five of Cups, Upright, often appears in a reading when a situation hasn't turned out the way you expected, leaving you sad, regretful and disappointed. I mean, you just gave one (1) apple to humanity, just to give them free will, and look what they did with it! What the hell, literally! You are blaming yourself, and instead of moving on with your life (despite the small inconvenience of being banished to an endless pit of evil and horror), you ar choosing to wallow in your self-pity. All you can focus on right now is what went wrong and how you failed. You're stuck in the past, and you can't let go; old wounds you never closed are keeping you from trying to create some positive changes. Which is why the card is here: to help you forgive. Forgiveness, to others and to yourself, is the only way you'll be able to release yourself from your sadness and disappointment. Remember that foresight and wisdom in the present moments comes from mistakes of the past: reflect on what led you to this point, and try to find something positive by reflecting on the lessons learned. You can rebuilt, you still can challenge an unfair system, despite everything! New possibilities are waiting for you, as shown by your daughter. You just have to be ready to accept it. Shift your mindset and focus on what can go right from this point forward.

Reversed, the card suggests that you might look at yourself specifically as a failure. You are stuck in a loop of self-loathing, and can't bring yourself to open up to others about those feelings. The reversed Five of Cups card is here to encourage you to open up: people around you may not see how much pain you're in right now, so don't be afraid to ask for help or talk to someone you trust.

You cannot undo the past, and just as Lucifer at the end of the first season, you are starting to accept that. You are slowly discovering how to be open to the new opportunities and ideas shown to you; you are finally starting to be more hopeful anout the future. You may not be fully okay again, you might still be in pain, but you are taking the first step: the card encourage you to keep doing so. Focus on the bright side. Not all is lost!

Lot of talks already, so I'll quickly go over those. The cups (that I spend too long on for such a small detail in the whole piece agh agh) are, as I drew them, a symbols of the regrets and the remorses felt. The regrets are the titled, broken cups: Lucifer's marriage, his relation with his daughter, and the dreams he had as an angel. Three things that feels like they are lost, damaged beyond repairs- but that are, in fact, still within reach. The content hasn't even spill yet. The remorses are the acts that can't be undone, and the effect on the vision he has of himself- the bitten apple, and the beastly devil that can't be trust. Those are te things he keeps blaming himself for, and the source of the self-loathing he's stuck into. But! He's turning his back on them, as a way to show he is not as linked to those things as he thinks he is. One is a thing of the past, the other is merely a shadow of who he is- what's important is what lays in front of him.

And that's it for today! You're still here? Dang, you're resilient. Thank you very much, hope you enjoyed this. And you're just in time for a little ending poll!

See, I started two other WIPs while drawing Lucifer. Therefore...

[deeplyclosetedjameswilson]

house characters as high school teachers but none of them can teach bio bc thats cheating

house - physics. specifically ap physics, 1+2 and c. has the best pass rate in the state but thirteen tells him it doesnt matter because his class sizes are tiny (his reputation scares lots of students off). doesn't grade a damn thing, hasn't lesson planned since dinosaurs roamed the earth. department head but really cameron is doing his job

foreman - calculus and geometry. taking ap calc concurrently with dr houses ap physics c is not for the faint of heart. actually a really good teacher. grades harshly but also gives really good feedback. almost impossible to earn an A in his class unless you really understand the material, but he's always available for extra help. kind of dry so hes unpopular with the younger kids. math department head

chase - gym teacher. his first year of teaching the kids screenshotted his instragram pfp and put it up on posters around the school.

cameron - i know i said no bio but cameron is the freshman bio teacher that all the students adore. definitely has kids eating lunch in her classroom. does all of house's department head paperwork. not as good as giving feedback as foreman but she is better about giving chances to go back and retake tests, make up assignments etc. runs the national honor society

wilson - exclusively teaches english class for seniors. literally impossible to fail his class because you just start crying during extra help and he passes you. big on watching movies in class but will assign one of those worksheet to follow along with. its ok if you dont do it because again, you can sniffle and he will give you a 65. if the school can't find a theatre teacher for the year he's an ok backup but insists on doing the classics. have you ever seen high schoolers perform the works of henrik ibsen? english department head

kutner - english teacher, sophomores and juniors. really big on creative writing. class is extremely disorganized, so you're not always sure what you're supposed to be learning but you're having a good time so it doesn't matter. if he thought ahead enough to make his students hold on to all their work they'd have an amazing portfolio but unfortunately he accidentally threw out all your essays from december (he tells you this in april). they were great though. helps run all the extremely nerdy clubs.

thirteen - another math teacher. kind of like foreman she teaches both upper level kids, but in statistics, and the lower level kids in algebra 1. really good at explaining concepts in ways you wouldn't have thought of. dry sense of humor but the kids love it. students have many theories as to why she's called thirteen (that was the average grade on her final, she fails 13 kids a year, her classroom is haunted and she's the 13th teacher to use it) but its because she was house's 13th student teacher (and the 2nd to actually make it into education despite house's best efforts to convince her otherwise)

taub - career change into teaching. combo sociology and psychology teacher. his class isn't the most interesting, but he's a decent teacher. occasional pop quiz and presentation but otherwise he shows off his powerpoint every day and makes you take a quiz on friday. loves to show a movie in class but unlike wilson he does expect you to turn in the worksheet, cmon its literally 5 questions suck it up. coaches golf

cuddy - the principal. she would like a liquor store gift card for an end of year gift please

[themutantninja]

Secret ninja

2012 TMNT Raph x reader

A\N : sooo, this is my very first oneshot so please be easy on me. Also, english is most definitely NOT my first language so please watch out for possible mistakes. I didn't watch tmnt 2012 in english so I don't really know how Raph speaks in the english version.

Word count: 1651

2012!raphael x fem!reader

..............................................................................................................................

I was just a regular person living in one of the smaller apartments in New York. I am not very social person tho, i don't have many friends honestly, I like the quiet. But one day, someone really caught my eye. 4 of them to be exact, also, they were not people, they were turtles.

I think that most people would have freaked out if they were in my place. But I just couldn't care less, honestly, it seemed kinda cool to me.

So, how it happened?

One day I was just sitting on the roof of my apartment building watching the stars and just the outside of the world without actually having to talk to someone.

Sometimes I like to train up there. I forgot to mention I used to go to some karate lessons. It was fun to just forget about everything and just punch the boxing bag or someone. (that was my favourite part)

But this day, I just needed some peace and quiet. And I had that, until...

"Come and get me", I heard a rather annoying voice say. That's when I got up and decided I would help well... anyone who needed the help? I didn't really know what was going on.

I went after the voices ready to fight anyone who would go after me.

That's when I saw it.

Four turtles.

Ninja turtles. What?

They were actually good. Each of them had a different colour of bandana. Red, blue, orange and purple.

They were fighting some people, but they looked literally the same, they couldn't be siblings, there was too many of them. Then I saw how the blue one cut through one of them. I was ready to see blood, but all i saw was a robotic structure.

Before I could even get the chance to get involved in the fight, the turtles have already beat them.

I didn't understand how could they be so good. Especially the red one, he was beating those robots like it was nothing.

Not that the others weren't good, but this red had something in him.

"Come on guys, we gotta go home before anyone sees us" said the blue on. Rest of the turtles just nodded and they ran to the fire escape.

I wanted to follow them, but i didn't see the robot below me and accidentaly stepped on him. And of course it made noise so loud I swear half of the city heard it.

'Some ninja I am'

"Dudes did you hear that?" said the orange one. "Yes", replied the rest in sync.

I quickly ran to my apartment window before they could find me. Thankfully, i managed to get there just in time.

"Guess it was just a bird" was the last thing I heard before they quickly disapeared.

I was very determinded to meet them.

..............................................................................................................................

After a few weeks of "following" the ninjas, I found out some of the basics.

Blue. Leonardo short Leo. His weapons are two katanas. He is the leader and his ego grows with the fact. But he is patient and responsible.

Purple. Donatello short Donnie. His weapon is naginata. He is the head of the group.

Orange. Michelangelo short Mikey. His weapon is nunchaku. He is the kid. Not the sharpest pencil. He likes to tease his opponents.

And finally my favourite..

Red. Raphaelo short Raph. His weapons are sais. He is the hot head. He fights the opponents until he knows on 110% that they are finished.

He is my favourite because he reminds me so much of myself. And today is the day I want to aproach them.

As I learned, Mikey is the easiest target. He likes pizza a lot. I know that because once I saw him eat a slice of pizza he found somewhere in the trash.

So I decided to put one slice of pizza on the roof of my apartment building. I know that they patrol here every night looking for danger.

It's now 9 PM, I already planted the pizza and now I am hiding in the shadows waiting for them to come.

This probably isn't the best way to aproach some mutant ninja turtles, but honestly, i don't have a better idea. Plus this is going to be fun.

Before I could think further, I heard a thud on the roof. I was waiting for the orange masked turtle to come out but there was no one.

Weird, I could swear I heard something.

Before I could come out and take a look, I felt hands grab me from behind and suddenly I was pinned harshly to a wall.

When I opened my eyes, I realized I was chained to the wall. I tried squirming my way out of the chains but there was no use.

"What the hell do you want from us." I know that voice.

"Nothing," I simply replied to practically no one. He was hiding in the dark. "You know, it's polite to speak with me face to face. Seems like you know nothing about decency."

"Decency?" He scoffed, "you know a lot about decency after following our every step." He said after taking a step forward. The red bandana revealing who I am speaking to.

"So who do you work for? Shredder? Krang?" he asked. I let out a light chuckle.

"Who do you think?" I could see his patience is growing thin. It may be dangerous playing with the hot headed ninja, but I want to see what he will do.

"I wouldn't play games with me princess, wouldn't want to ruin that pretty face of yours." He said taking a step towards me. I wasn't afraid of his tauting. "But just know, I will if I have to. So I will ask you again. Who do you work for?" he asked again, this time with pauses between words so he would seem more intimidating.

"Come and find out."

That seemed to really piss him off. He leaped infront of me so fast. We were only a few inches apart.

"Be careful with your words, you don't know what I am capable of." he said very slowly. "Last chance, what do you want from me?"

He changed his question. He knows very well what I want from him. He wants me to say it out loud. Well this should be fun.

"Fight me." I whispered. I swear he could barely hear how quiet I said it. "Then I will answer all your questions." I felt the chains around me loosen.

Without any words, he just got into a fighting stance. I did too. When he saw that, he attacked me right away.

Yes it was stupid, yes i had a lame answer and yes, there is no way I could beat him.

But i don't care. I am glad I can finally fight with someone after such a long time. To feel the rush of adrenaline when you see a fist coming your way or the foot coming to kick you.

I dodged him a lot, since he was way stronger than me there was no point in fighting back. Sometimes a landed a kick but that was it.

"Come on, you wanted to fight then fight me." he said while trying to land a punch but I just dodged.

I didn't answer, I saw he was getting tired and most likely impatient with me. So I gave him what he asked for.

I let him land a punch, so it would seem that he got me. I fell on my back and just waited for him to come and finish me. When he was in the distance I wanted him to be, I swung my legs in the air and jumped up while landing a pretty big kick in his stomach.

He stumbled while his back hit the wall i was chained to a few minutes before. I could see he didn't expect that, he looked stunned. So I landed a kick to his head.

Not so favourite kick in the karate community if you ask me.

I knew this wasn't the end. I knew another fight would come soon. But this time, I just want him to deserve his answer.

"Seems you won't get your answer anytime soon Red." was the last thing I said to him before getting down to my apartment, trying not to make it obvious I live in the building we were just fighting on.

..............................................................................................................................

Raph's pov

"Wow."

Wow? Really?

Was that all I could say right now?

"Seems you won't get your answer anytime soon Red." was the last thing she said.

Who the hell is she? Some Secret ninja or what?

How could she beat me in the fight. How is she so good? Those definitely weren't the moves from a fighter in the clan Foot and she definitely didn't seem like a robot either. I couldn't wrap my head around this

Why is her reason behind all of this? She keeps following us around for several months right now. I remember seeing her at this exact roof for the first time when we were fighting againts the Foot-Bots.

This was definitely a trap for Mikey. No one would be so stupid to fall into this trap other than Mikey. And she knows that.

But why? I still don't understand. If she's not from clan Foot or from Kraangs, why does she follow us so much.

She was really good, the kick she landed when she was on her back. There is something in her, I just can't see what right now.

For some reason, I liked it. Why? I don't know. The way she kicked me awoke something inside me.

I decided to stop overthinking this, I know I can't get my answer now, just like the girl said.

There is one thing I know for sure, this isn't over.

[nrdmssgs]

Activision doesn't understand, how Russian language works

Spoilers to CoD MW3 below the cut.

@sofasoap @siilvan @cumikering @stag-beetle-wastaken @gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot be my guests.

First and most important: this rant is not aimed to 'make Russian culture great again'. I am not offended as a representative of some cultural or linguistic group. But as a member of gaming community, I feel, as if Activision... kinda didn't give a flying f about the gaming experience, that they are trying to sell me for 60 Euros. And I can't say, I like this feeling.

Second: I will be criticizing some approaches to language, that I will never criticize in fanfiction. Because you guys are doing it for free, for the sake of having fun. So I will be ok with you just straight using Google translate to write e.g. Nikolais lines in Russian. Because you never ask me to pay 60 Euros for the right to read your works. With that being mentioned, lets roll!

Activision doesn't pay attention to their own script, when it comes to Russian lines

Ok, this is a major issue. Because Activision sometimes gives completely different information in character line and in the subtitles. And it is not some minor information, we are talking about major plot details!

Let's just watch 20 seconds of a playthrough (time code 8:44)

Pay attention closely to how Makarov starts his monologue after Nolan says "Its an honor, commander". Makarovs subtitles say 'four years', when Makarov says something like 'shest let'. "four" in Russian is "chetyre", "six" is "shest`". These words sound nothing alike! And to check this, you literally need 5 seconds on google translate! Here, Activision, I did your work for you and I don't even ask for 60 freaking Euros! You learn these numbers on your second-third lesson of Russian 101!

There are ways to fix this scene. There are even ways to do it without reshooting Julian (because ok, I get it, maybe he costs so much, that all our 60 Euros purchases would never help Activision to economically recover...). All you need is to ask him to record TWO WORDS!

Activision doesn't care for wording even in the simplest proverbs

You remember a saying "enemy of my enemy is my friend"? I mean, of course you do, even John Price remembers it! And you know, who forgot this saying? Activision did! Because honest to god, I was very happy with our new Yuri, until he produced this ominous linguistic construction... (time code 56:10)

And if you think, it sounds just a tad off in English... Well, in Russian this sounds, as if a Colonel, a man, who spent tenths of years constantly communicating with soldiers, superiors, officials, started learning Russian... a month ago.

This is an international proverb, it exists in many languages! Now this is a safe case to use an automatic translator! It gives you a very simple answer.

But for some mysterious reason, Activision writes their strange line, translate to russian and find a poor-working synonym so that Yuri doesn't say 'opponent' twice... And in the end it kinda still makes sense, but this whole phrase sounds so off!! You never choose this sick long, overloaded wording for a proverb, that you literally learn at school. They just make it look like zarin is already there and it affects Yuri heavily.

This is just one example, but in reality, almost every Makarovs monologue sounds very strangely formulated. I just got you one example, but believe me, this is a systematic issue here. And the strangest thing is that all their errors are so easy to fix, but they never bothered!

Activision doesn't care for how Russian sounds

Ok, this is not a rant against Julian Kostov. The guy does his wor absolutely gorgeous! He steals every scene, where he appears, and I have nothing, but respect for him. However... Russian is a complicated language. For real. It is full of long words, with many unfamiliar for European ear sounds. It is not only difficult to understand it - it is complicated even to imitate it.

Now apparently Julian knows Russian to some extent just because of his origin and age. But that doesn't save him from swallowing some letters, syllables, sometimes even big parts of words. And when it happens in almost every line of his character - it becomes an issue. An issue, when even Russian-speaker has to read subtitles to understand, what is going on in a scene with two Russian characters!

This whole scene is a nightmare (time code 1:42:54). Replaced letters, disappearance of parts of words, strange accents - they collected a bingo on this one.

And I dont blame actors here! Because on every shooting there is a director - a guy, who is responsible for how overall scene will look and sound in the end. There is always a possibility to find someone, who actually speaks the language and make them sit and listen! And if there are many issues with pronunciation revealed - you just come to your actors and say 'guys, you did amazing jobs, we are so happy to work with you. Now can we please do another shot and pay attention to these lines of yours?'.

And believe me, it is ok to have multiple shots for ingame cutscenes! Actors are ok with that! I don't ask for a perfect pronunciation, I just ask Activision to make sure, their characters don't sound as if they are speaking gibberish!

The most strange part here is that there are super-clean lines in game as well! Milena spoke with accent too, but she sounded clear! Some NPCs sounded perfect!

So Im sorry, but at the end of the day - this your most accurate Russian character by Activision. Because he chose to speak English.

[celticcrossanon]

Celta, I have to vent. I was scrolling through Parkle gossip online and saw this and naturally I felt a pang of sympathy for someone who has to allegedly ask his wife if he’s not good enough for her anymore.

Then I scrolled a bit more and got angry. Mutsu Potsane was an orphaned kid in Lesotho that Harry befriended through his charity Sentebale. To show how much Harry appreciates Mutsu after 14 years, Harry invited Mutsu to fly out to the UK for his wedding… only for Mutsu to be given a ticket to stand outside Windsor Castle and wave at Harry when there reportedly where plenty of seats for people from Harry’s charities that could have been seated inside St. George’s Chapel during Harry’s wedding ceremony. It was reported in the news back in 2018 but only resurfaced again online today. 

Sentebale literally means “forget me not” (or in proper English “don’t forget me”). It’s infuriating how much of a nasty, awful hypocrite Harry truly is. This isn’t the first time I’ve read reports of Harry neglect vulnerable kids at his charity Sentebale but it makes me angry when I read about in the papers. I’ve never known any other member of the Royal Family to mistreat people like this from their charities.

This reminds me that Karma does pay attention to the fact that Harry has treated people very badly throughout his life. It’s ironic that only now, Harry is being mistreated by someone he chose to marry. Unfortunately, learning the Golden Rule of treating people how you want to be treated is a karmic lesson I think Harry is too dense and immature to understand and appreciate.

Sorry for the depressing comments. I wish I could find a funny or sweet royal story to send you as it is Christmas in a day or two (depending on the time zones) and maybe I still will be able to. ;) That being said, I wish you and everyone else here a very merry Happy Christmas! :)

*

Hi TeaWithBooks,

It is hard with Harry as he has done awful things which make people (including me) very angry at him, one of which (for me) is his neglect of the promises he made to various orphans at Sentable, and then there is the natural empathy and horror and feeling concerned for someone who is manipulated and abused by his wife. I think it is very human to feel both emotions and to feel conflicted about them,

Sometimes I try to hold space for both emotions, i.e. say to myself yes, Harry is a horrible person, but that does not mean that his wife can abuse him, and at other times (most of the times) I am just a confused mess. I dislike, very much, how Harry ahs acted and how he has abused his grandparents and his family, his broken promises toward the Sentable orphan whose name I can’t remember, his alleged abuse of women, and the wedding invitation mentioned above is just another one to add to that list.  

But - and it is a but I keep coming back to -

none of this excuses Meghan’s behaviour. Spousal abuse is wrong. AFAIK Harry is not mistreating her in any way, so there is no reason for her abuse and manipulation of him. She is not the one who has suffered from his actions above - if anything, she has encouraged most of them. 

I suppose I am kind of glad that they are married to each other and not making other people miserable, but that does not excuse either one of them.

There are no innocent victims here. We have a male who has abused others married to a woman who manipulates and abuses him. Neither is an innocent party and the wrongdoings of one do not excuse the wrongdoings of the other.

This is far too complicated for me so I am going to leave it to the higher power to sort out. :)

[leonenjoyer69]

Do you have any hcs about whole/mind Jekyll :0 (I've fallen in love with him 😔)

OF COURSE! you basically just opened my ramble can >:3

First of all! Like I mentioned before, Whole Jekyll is the closest to Jekyll Pre-split (and may actually just be him pre-split), but kinda fucked up from being trapped in the mind scape. He yearns for his halves to combine again so he can live somewhat normally again.

So, Whole Jekyll, or Harry (as Mind Lanyon calls him, and I may start too, lmao), can manipulate the mindscape to a decent degree, though he can't get rid of the nightmares. He does help keep them locked away though when stray ones escape their confinement (of course this was before Hyde unleashed them, which made Harry VERY upset). He can also enter and somewhat interact with the memories, letting himself take Jekyll's place and feel the things around him in the memory (to a certain degree). The ones he visits most often are the relationship with Lanyon in university (any of them, but especially the more tender and physical, innocent touch-heavy ones), the break up, and the aftermath of the potions creation. He sweeps these memories quite consistently, trying to see where he went wrong and if there's anything he can use to fix this. Of course, he should know there's not by now, but he desperately clings to that hope. Plus, he doesn't have much else to do.

He tries to get the attention of Jekyll and Hyde, but can't seem to make himself heard by them, though he believes he's able to ever so slightly sway their thoughts or words every once in a while. When not perusing memories, trapping nightmares, or talking with Mind Lanyon, he's usually always watching what Jekyll and/or Hyde are doing. Generally, he's trying to sway them in any way possible that could bring them closer to being whole again, but he never succeeds. Sometimes, he feels so drained that all he can do is silently watch.

Also, since I'm a sucker for Scottish Jekyll (as we've seen), he speaks with a bit of an accent that he can't seem to drop, no matter how much he sits through the memories of Lanyon's english lessons. It's not super strong, but it's definitely there, and he'll slip in a few Scottish words every once in a while. It also tends to get a bit worse when he's revisiting older memories. The accent kinda annoys mind Lanyon sometimes, but he's learned there's truly nothing to do about it (he's certainly tried)

Onto Mind Lanyon, Harry tends to hang out in different areas than Lanyon, the main ones being the subconscious, where he watches Jekyll and Hyde (he can't seem to go any higher than the deeper parts of the subconscious, though he hasn't really tried too hard to) and deeper in the unconscious, where most of the nightmares lurk. Of course, Harry acts as a sort of nightmare exterminator to Mind Lanyon, who's literally terrified of them. (Also, I firmly believe that it was Harry that found all of Mind Lanyon's little gentleman ghosts to keep him company, since  Mind Lanyon complained about how little he saw him).

Anyways, mind Lanyon is a good bit different from real Lanyon, but Harry finds him to be good company when he needs it. Mind Lanyon has this uncanny calming effect on him, despite his oddities and prissy, distant attitude. Mind Lanyon would never intentionally hurt Harry, he likes him too much (and he refuses to be stuck talking to no one but Mind Frankenstein). Back to the reason I mentioned the areas Harry hangs in tho! Mind Lanyon spends most of his time in the library and Hall of memories, half the time just looking for Harry, though he claims he's just keeping an eye out for nightmares that slipped through (they both know that's mostly a lie tho), and the other half just reading.

mind Lanyon will sometimes fuss over Harry's hair, complaining about it being an ungentlemanly rats nest. He has also tried fixing it a few times, but it never worked.

I'm thinking of a few story ideas with him (ik, dangerous since I've already got a story I'm working on). In one, at some point Harry is actually able to stumble across Hyde (or Hyde stumbles upon him). Don't know where in the timeline it'd be set, but meeting him would definitely confuse and freak Hyde out lmao. Otherwise, I have another little idea where Harry's able to force himself up into the conscious, where he's finally able to talk to the other two and hang out in the mirrors and such. Don't know if ill do anything with those ideas, but they're there!

Omg!!! Also!!! I forgot about the strings lmao. Any major conflict between Jekyll and Hyde, or super high stress moments, cause the corresponding (depending on which half is suffering) strings to tighten and tug a bit. This makes the bandages nice, considering how often that's gotten lately (and even before, with Jekyll's workaholic tendencies). He can still usually move his arms quite freely, but sometimes the pulling is bad enough that he can't. He's tried to follow where the strings are pulling him, but at a certain point the pulling stops all together, and he's left a no true destination. Otherwise, they're ethereal, so they usually stay short enough to keep out of his way.

Also, he kept a journal for a very good while (actually managed to start a second one), but eventually his writings became increasingly nonsensical and messy. Paranoid doodles and ramblings began covering pages, to the point where he simply stopped writing in it bc he didn't like seeing the pages. It's still around the mindscape though, somewhere...

OKAY, THAT'S ALL FOR NOW, honestly that was less of HC and more of me just info dumping BUT I SHAN'T APOLOGIZE. Anyways, thank you if you read all this, he's one of my new babies, I love his tortured little soul <3 THANK YOU FOR THE ASK :33