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punemy-spotted · 4 years ago

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The Price You Pay

Pairing: Mob!Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: Non-con/Dub-con, mentions of murder, unclear timeline, blackmail, unprotected sex, fingering (F!receiving), smut, esoteric references to past abuse, manipulation, Dark!Fic

Words: 5.2k (holy fuck?)

Summary: You need his help. He names his price.

Notes: This is for @stargazingfangirl18 and her incredible 5K Soft!Dark Challenge and I can't believe I wrote over 5k words for a oneshot, making this the longest piece I've ever written. I took a blend of prompts: Mob!AU; “When I woke up this morning, I certainly didn’t think my day would end like this;” and “That’s a big favor you’re asking for, I think you need to make it worth my while.”

And this was intended to be a oneshot but now I can't stop thinking about it so thanks Siri, I think this is now a part of my WIPs too! Your work is amazing and I had a blast being able to take part in this!

As usual, my work is 18+ ONLY, Minors DO NOT INTERACT

You went to him first.

You went to him, handed them your business card and I want to speak to Steve Rogers.

Honestly they almost threw you out with an extra hole in your head but then the man of the hour walked right in.

So now you’re here. Now you’re here, sitting across a gorgeous dining table with a ten-course meal laid out and honestly you’re surprised they didn’t tie your wrists to the arms of the chair while you watch him eat and take in the look of those baby blue eyes scanning you over.

He even brought you non-alcoholic rosé, when you said you didn’t drink.

So.

You wanted to talk to me?

Yeah, I do. Thought you’d just sit me in your office, have a consultation.

I like breaking bread with new friends. Have a nice dinner, get the wine flowing — of course, that’s not gonna loosen your tongue, but we’ll forgive it.

Oh. Cool, I like being forgiven.

He laughs at that one and the room, strumming with tension, snaps into amusement. So do you, cracking a half smile on dark red lips, before swallowing down the lump of anxiety threatening to break through and destroy everything. You need this. You need this and you can’t let anything — not your nervousness, not your morals, not him — stop you. You need this and it needs to be done and if this is what justice is in this fucking city then so be it.

Well, sweetness, you’ve got my attention. You want to talk business or pleasure?

That one makes you laugh, a little sharp and a little cruel, and the curling smirk on his face gets a little furrowed because he hears it too — pain.

It could be both, you say finally, picking up the glass of rosé-that-wasn’t, if your reputation is as real as they say it is.

He lifts a bite of cheesecake into his mouth and lets it melt on his tongue while he watches you, somewhere between impressed and incensed. You know the look — you saw it the last time he met you in court, but you weren’t there as allies then. Never thought you’d come to me, he admits finally, sounding halfway bemused at the idea, but you’re full of surprises, aren’t you, Counsel?

You wince, or maybe smirk, eyes on the man before you.

It’s a game, a dance, a ruse, and the woman you thought you were thirteen months ago when you put four of Steve Rogers’s best men in jail for fifteen years — fifteen years longer than any District Attorney had ever managed to do before you, and you were just the rookie they handed a shit case to — is leagues different from the woman you are now, seated prim and proper in the lion’s den.

You’re not innocent. That’s not been your game for years — this life doesn’t leave room for innocence, it tears at you, leaves you tired and broken and ill.

Your colleagues learned to fear him a long time ago, the man before you. Captain America, leading the city, the country, the world into a new era of high tech crime all under his thumb. It’s a pretty shiny shield, the one that sits behind him, but mirrors are black on the other side and his soul is dark as coal.

You’re not an angel yourself, and this deal with the Devil isn’t for anyone but you.

I need someone taken care of.

So you come to me? I thought you were a lady of morals, Counsel.

Certain kinds of morals.

You can see him smile, see the way he raises his glass, the glimmer of malice and amusement in his eyes. So tell me. What’s the name?

You give it.

He’s not in the city, your target, but he will be. A Judge, an activist, real tough-on-crime-sweet-on-justice type of shit. You don’t tell him the reasons why, because those are yours, but you tell him the name. You tell him he’s a problem, you tell him he’s dangerous, you tell him you’ll pay to have him taken care of, you tell him you don’t want to practice in front of that black, black robe.

And he smiles like the Devil he is, watches you with a grin and drinks his whiskey in one last shot before slamming it down, Real woman of the law, aren’t you?

You said that when we met the first time.

He’s a hunter, you can see it in his eyes. That lion’s mane might be tamed right now but it won’t be for long and you’re playing with wild animals. The eyes on you are ice and daggers, daring you to do the one thing everyone in the office has been begging you not to do.

(Drop the charges, Rookie, the case is just to get your face in front of the judge.)

You upped the charges.

(Rookie, you don’t know what you’re dealing with, there’s other cases.)

You subpoenaed his phone records.

(Rookie, don’t make me drag you off this case!)

You won.

You had no witnesses and a jury you had to drag in from god-knows-where after you proved, over and over again, that he’d paid off the cohort in the courtroom. Finding people with nothing to lose and a desire to do their civic duty wasn’t harder than you thought — it was exactly as impossible as you expected.

But you did it.

That’s what you do, isn’t it? Push and push and fight, claw your fingers at the ledge and pull yourself up, you pay for your crimes in your blood, sweat and tears you pay for the things you could have done then and didn’tdo.

You pay.

And sometimes, that payment bounces back.

And when it was all said and done, when the closing statements were delivered, when the Jury came back out and the Judge — hands shaking, mouth agape, eyes wide — read out the verdict no one expected, you… didn’t feel any better, did you? There was no justice for you in that room, just the searing glare of ice-blue eyes and the burning of your steel spine.

Real woman of the law, aren’t you?

First words he said to you, while the courtroom emptied out and you stood there, facing the man you’d just made an enemy of with your briefcase in your hand and your eyes aflame.

I did my job.

Did you? Is that what you think your job is?

My job is justice, unflinching and blind, Mr. Rogers. I don’t care how much power you have or how afraid you leave this city, I’m going to do my job.

You could always let justice turn a blind eye.

Yeah. I could, but that wouldn’t make this any fun, would it? Thank you for the win, Mr. Rogers — I’m sure I won’t get many more.

You leave him with a smile on his face and the scent of your perfume in his memories.

He leaves you with the pride of victory in your bones and a reminder that your strife could be worth it.

One day.

How do you plan to fill that pit, the one you tossed the corpses of your old self into? The one you let them claw up out of, to haunt you? Remind you?

You’re digging your own grave and you know it, but you won’t let Steven Grant Rogers be the first one to toss a handful of dirt over your corpse.

But now here you are.

In his dining room, enjoying dessert and some sort of after-meal coffee. In need of him…

This might almost have been a date, if not for the topic of conversation.

So. You want a Judge taken out. What if he’s already on my payroll?

Why would you keep a dead man in your pocket?

You like the sound of his laugh, and you don’t even have the excuse of wine to fall back on when it warms your core. Don’t admit it though, don’t say it aloud, don’t let him get an in. Be smart, cross your legs tighter, keep your eyes on the prize.

You’re so close to the finish line.

That’s a big favor you’re asking for, Counsel, I think you need to make it worth my while.

Worth your while?

I’m not a charity. And since you put the guy I usually use to handle these things behind bars for a few years—

You know I can get him out too.

That’s not payment, that’s putting things right.

You take a drink. Steady on, girl.

I’m leaving the DA’s office.

That stops him.

Oh that stops him good, and he looks fascinated. Interested. You’ve said something he can use as leverage and it’s not just about a job. That smirk on his face is smug and his eyes are darker and he has to know the impact that look has.

Can’t falter, don’t falter, don’t give in.

Am I allowed to ask why?

No.

You’ve done your research. You just don’t know why you’re thinking about it now. Steven Grant Rogers, “Captain America,” leader of a crime family that had too many names to stamp out, bolstered by a mad scientist, a military man through-and-through who turned New York into his own private base against whatever stood against his way.

Get in his good graces and you’re set for life. Get in his good graces and you’re safe, you’re protected, you’re good.

Get on his bad side and you only make that mistake once.

There are no second chances in this game, and here you are, asking for one.

So what? You leave the DA’s office, you leave yourself open to me — you think leaving New York is going to be the thing that stops me, Counsel?

No.

Then what?

Breathe. Steady.

I know you gave me that win on purpose — you could have taken out my last jury cohort. This isn’t about the four men… and you know I’ll get them out. This is something else, but I’m not here to ask about what or why.

He falters just briefly, like he’s surprised you knew, but the crack in his mask smooths itself over as soon as it forms and he’s back to watching you, nodding along in silence while you breathe and watch him and keep talking.

But even then. I got four of your guys in prison. And I know how your organization works — I subpoenaed the documents, remember? Your lawyers are good, but they’re not used to people asking the right questions. You want someone to seal up the cracks you need someone who actually knows what to look for.

You have more than his attention, you have his interest, and now he’s leaning in a little. Imperceptibly, but enough. Scanning over you from across the table, like he’s thinking how you managed to get so impertinent in the face of the likes of him but that’s the thing — when the only thing you have left to lose is your life, you’ll risk everything.

So what are you offering?

Breathe. Don’t. Stammer.

Myself.

The chair scrapes and suddenly there’s the clicking of guns, aimed and ready until his hand rises up and he stops them and he’s stalking towards you.

This is the lion’s den, sweetness.

The stakes are higher and you ought to be braver and he’s got your chin in his hand before you have a chance to react, dragging you to your feet. Do you know what you’re offering me, Counsel? Low and hissed and hungry, like those perfect teeth might be sinking into your throat in the next moment.

Oh, you have no idea.

You get me. On your payroll — you know. The offer you sent me a year ago.

You think it’s still open?

If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have met with me.

The chuckle in your face makes your cheeks warm and you’re looking more flushed than you would like, the open shoulders of your dress suddenly feeling a lot more like a mistake the more you realize just what kind of meal he might make out of you tonight.

We might need to have a discussion about your workplace duties, Counsel.

You don’t notice the hand near your thigh until it’s too late, sliding up the soft fabric of your skirt until it’s squeezing your ass, until it’s jerking you towards him, until you’re pressed against his chest and the hand on your chin is now hooked around the back of your neck, thumb pushing your jaw until you’re forced to look at him. Won’t lie, when I woke up this morning, I certainly didn’t think my day would end like this, having your pretty little body in my arms,and you can look as indignant as you want but he’s got the upper hand and you only thought you were two steps ahead of him.

You think I haven’t thought about what it’d be like to put you in your place, Counsel? You’ve got a smart mouth — I wanna know what else it can do.

He doesn’t give you a chance to use that mouth to lash at him, lips sliding over yours, swallowing that indignant yelp with a punishing kiss. Nipping at the plushness of your lower lip until you open your mouth and yield to him with a sigh of reluctant surrender, let his tongue slide past that barrier for him to explore. He’s got his fingers wound through your hair, just a little too tight and whether the whimper in your chest is because of the pain or because of the want, he doesn’t care.

Knew you’d be sweet, Counsel… softly, when he pulls back to look at you, take a look at those love-swollen lips and your ruined lipstick, the pretty way you pant at him already, the heat burning your cheeks. Pay no attention to the slick warmth between your thighs, pay no attention to the way he makes you burn already, pay no attention to how your fingers have curled into the lapel of his coat to hold yourself steady, pay no attention to how you suddenly miss the pressure of his lips.

All that smart-talk and now you’re quiet, Counsel? F’I knew it just took a kiss to get you to shut up, I would’ve done that at trial, he’s purring in your ear, soft and sweet and you should push at his chest, so uncurl your fingers girl and push.

I didn’t say I was selling my body, there’s your harshness, and there he is, laughing at you again, the grip on your hair jerking your head back until you’re looking into those dagger-cold eyes again.

You don’t make the rules here, Counsel, I do, and you need me more than I need you. So if you want to make sure your Judge can’t start wreaking havoc on your career… you might want to get used to readjusting it for me. I promise I’ll make you feel nice, if you let me…

And if I don’t?

Then I take what I want and I don’t feel bad for not holding up my end of the bargain. Your choice, Counsel, you cum willingly and I’ll give you everything you want. Don’t, and it’ll hurt you more than it hurts me.

That’s not a threat, that’s a promise, and suddenly you’re more scared than you ever thought you’d be, wondering if you’ll need to sell another part of your soul to take him down after. How much of yourself will you put up as collateral to get justice for the wrongs you were never able to correct?

You’re afraid.

Oh sweetness, you’re afraid.

Here? Now?

No, Counsel, we’re gonna do this right, aren’t we? You wanna be in bed with me, I’ll take you to bed with me. Come on, say it. Say the word.

Say no. Say no, rail and fight, stamp your heels into the expensive leather of his shoes, jam your knee into the sensitive between his legs, scream and yell and tell him you will never let another man take advantage of you again to help you reach your goals. Do it. Do the thing you swore you would do the next time a man like him — men who think they can take anything from anyone, men who think they own the world and the women in it, men who think you aren’t strong enough to fight back — propositioned you just like this.

You’re selling your soul to get rid of a man just like this.

But that’s coiling heat in your core that wasn’t there the last time, was it? That’s want. That’s the realization that you like the way this predatory smile feels, that you like the way this one wants you. You’re not her, not scared and alone and helpless. You could fight back and run and maybe escape if you were lucky.

You could choose.

He’s let go of your hair to stroke your cheek with the backs of his fingers, soft and sweet, You gonna give me an answer, Counsel, or am I gonna have to take it?

Say something. Say no. Scream. Say no say no say no say— Yes.

It’s a whisper. A desperate, soft whisper. A helpless, lonely whisper. It’s enough.

He sweeps you around until you’re pressed with your back against his unyielding chest, feeling him flex with every movement, broad arm wrapped around your shoulders from the front. All of you are dismissed, and that’s when you remember there were others in the room with you. Others who just watched you concede to becoming Captain America’s newest plaything and the burn on your cheeks is more shame than lust. You pull at his arm briefly, futilely, earning a tighter hold for your efforts and a whispered don’t make me choke you, before you are half-walked, half-dragged out of the dining room.

The walk to his room is slow and agonizing as you’re pulled along, barely struggling but barely helping at the same time, tears sliding down your cheeks as you come to terms with what’s going to happen next — no one is going to save you tonight, no one’s going to interrupt and drag you out, this is your job and this is your place and here you are.

No one speaks. There’s no sound but the steady tap of your heels and his shoes on fine marble. Even your sobs are silent, even your breathing is muffled, until the stairs are traversed and the faintest click of a lock turning opens the door to the rest of your life.

You made a deal.

Time to pay.

Sit on the bed.

You move as if in a trance, and he watches your face, the hint of waterproof mascara failing to do its job, the smudged ruby red of your lipstick. Don’t give me that look, you knew what you were signing up for when you walked into this house, Counsel.

His hands are gentler than you’d expect, when he wipes away the streaks your tears leave down your pretty cheeks, coaxing you to look up at him, We’ll set ground rules later. Tonight? I wanna see if I can get that mouth of yours to beg for me.

It won’t, you snap without thinking, knifeblade sharp and cruel, ready for a fight again. He promised you that once, in a hiss you thought you’d misheard but no, you heard him just fine and now if he thinks he can quench your fire and have you pleading just because you sold your body for the prospect of revenge then he’s wrong.

Thing is, he laughs like that’s a challenge, and the hand holding your chin so gently is wrapped around your throat before you know it, silencing your voice with just the right application of pressure. I can do this all night, Counsel. Do you think you can last that long?

Fear. Anger. Indignation. You are fury made flesh and he is manipulating you with just the barest press of his palm and sliding over you, until you’re laid out there on soft sheets and he’s looming over you, splaying that big hand out and sliding it down your throat, over your chest, feeling the ruching of the fabric under his palm. You wrapped yourself up like a present for me, didn’t you sweetness?

The change in nickname isn’t lost on you but here you are, glaring up at him while he smiles so beatifically it leaves your blood boiling and your skin steadily warming. The rise and fall of your chest is hypnotic, every angry breath a swear you don’t utter, every inhale your protests dying in your throat. What can you say, what would you say, right now? There’s nothing that can change the way he looks at you, or the way his eyes flicker from ice to blue fire the more he takes stock of the pretty little thing he’s about to start sharing his bed with.

Fuck, you’re beautiful, that one shocks you, but not as much as the sudden rush of cold air when he tears the emerald green fabric of your dress down and reveals the soft swells of your breasts, nipples peaked from the sudden cold.

You don’t get much time to gasp, just something soft and strangled before he turns your voice to whimpers, wrapping lips around that pebbled tip and laving his tongue over sensitive flesh. Where are your words now, Counsel, while he threatens the softness of your chest with the scrape of his teeth, when he slides his hands over the round curve of your thighs and parts your legs so he can press himself between them, so he can press himselfagainst you? Where is the knife-dagger of your wit to protest each soft, suckling kiss to your skin, each press of his fingers like he could just squeeze his ownership of you into the plushness of your hips, into the sweet swell of your ass? What do you say to the dirty little thrust of his hips as he bucks with his own burning need, reminding you just how much this is for hispleasure as he will make it for yours.

You would, could, should push him off and instead what are you doing? Curling your fingers into the silk-smooth of his comforter, desperate to writhe out of your own skin away from the burning pressure between your thighs, the foreign, unfamiliar heat you suddenly feel like you might be craving.

Anyone ever touch you like this before me, Counsel?Warm breath splays across your skin when he questions you, eyes fixed on yours and he waits. Answer him, answer him, tell him he’s nothing, tell him you’ve had better, lie and destroy that ego, lie lie lie lie—

Nnnh—no.

He looks like you’ve just told him the best news of his life, eyes wide and blown with lust, Oh is that right? You’re saying no one’s ever touched you this good? Or just no one’s ever touched you at all?

You don’t have to answer. The furious blush on your cheeks? The way your eyes slide away from his? The way you writhe, trying to press your thighs together to relieve the pressure and finding the effort futile? If the man’s grin could get any wider, it would, right now. Oh sweetness, we’re going to have so much fun exploring your body together…

He pulls back just enough to take a look at you, already flushed and writhing and overwhelmed and if he could take a picture of this right now he would. He’ll save that for later though. Tonight? Tonight is just the two of you, and his hands are back to your skirt, pushing the tight fabric up over your round hips and revealing the lace of your panties… just before he rips them off, to the sound of your indignant yelp Steve!

You’re going to call me Captain, sweetness, we’re not close enough to use my name just yet.

No. No you’re not, and he’s not sure you’ll ever be — he rather likes the idea of hearing you whimper out his title when he gets you desperate and wanting.

He touches, slow and steady, watching you try to jerk away and tutting at you when you do, fingers at your delicate nerves like an assault on your pleasure. Bite your lip, bite back the moans, whine at him like he’s wounded you, You’re so wet, sweetness, you’re so desperate for me aren’t you, as he palms his cock to relieve the pressure on himself. You’re going to beg before he does and he’s patient, he’ll last the night.

St-stop it, it’s too— he shushes you ahtahtaht and rests his free hand on your mound, holding you down so his probing, inspecting fingers can take stock of the velveteen plushness of your delicate cunt. It’s too much, too much and you want to scream the moment he presses one finger into you, already overwhelmed, already so tightly wound the barest touches are unraveling you steadily.

You’re such a pretty thing, all desperate and needy, sweetness. You wanna cum already, don’t you? So busy, never gave anyone the chance to fuck that stuck-up bitch right out of you, did they? It’s almost pitying, isn’t it, the way he talks, hums at you while you’re reduced to a whining, whimpering mess so soon, so desperate for the release he’s on the edge of denying you, feeling you flexing around his finger and then the second leaping jolt of your body when another joins the inspection. Taking careful stock of the pretty cunt he owns now, and he’s careful to curl his fingers just right as he seeks the spot to hammer just to get you to scream.

You don’t, not yet, but that’s okay too, because he sees the way you take desperate hold of the sheets, the way your eyes roll backwards just slightly, the way you strain against his heavy hand to arch your back. Gotta tell you, sweetness, I imagined you under me a thousand and one ways but this one, right now? Tops the list. You ready to beg for me?

Do it. Do it and end your pleasurable torment. Do it and be released from the pressure, the coiling want. Surrender to him. Let him have you.

The white hot rush of your orgasm is not unexpected to him, his curling, cruel fingers having found the sweetness of your g-spot, but — you, too busy climbing the ranks to think of your own pleasure, too busy demanding your due from an unjust world explore your own warmth beyond that of a memory of a college hookup you would rather forget — you left breathless and wanton in the heat of the explosion he draws out of you, mewling something desperate and pleading against your own will and the song of it fills his ears like it’s all he’s ever wanted. There it is, and I thought we’d be here all night. A thumb flickers over the nerves at your entrance and you practically jump, something between a yelp and a moan escaping your lips.

First one’s just a treat, sweetness. Now on, you cum when I say you do, understand?

You nod.

Oh you nod, and you are lost, here and now. Sensitive and broken and there is so little of that steel spine here, writhing in his sheets and ohyou don’t know the things you do to him.

Think you can go again, sweetness? He’s purring, smug, twisting fingers stretching you slowly, muttering under his breath about how fucking tight you are around his fingers, how good you’re going to feel for him, and the smugness on his face is slowly fading into a dark consternation, brows furrowed like he’s somehow angry at you for being plush and delicate and fuckable.

You’re almost begging him to stop, and yet the pressure is building again, the twisting, coiling heat that leaves you breathless and mewling and he looks like he might be trying to immortalize this moment forever. Say it, sweetness. Say you need me. Beg me for my cock.

That’s it.

That’s what you need to, you need to beg, you need to give in. No more fighting, no more arguing no more —

Please…

Please what, sweetness, come on now. You got a way with words. The snarl is so barely contained.

Please, Captain, please just…

What do you need, sweetness? The fingers are relentless, the buzz in your nerves is overwhelming, you can barely even hear yourself talk, much less him.

Please just fuck me, Captain, I need your cock! It’s hurried and it’s crude and it’s desperate and it’s exactly what he wants as just another wall crumbles and you fall off your pedestal right into his arms.

He’s barely able to resist the buck of his hips, the need to be inside you, the knowledge that you are soft and velvet and you could be all over his senses just like this.

When did he free his cock? You don’t know, you just know it’s practically salvation when he sinks into you, when he fills you like you’ve been desperate for and Oh sweetness…pours from his lips just as you hiss out something like praise right back at him.

You’re so full and he’s so gentle, at first, like you’re made of crystal in his arms, like the slow shifting of his hips might have you shattering underneath him if he’s not careful. Cradling you, even, sliding your legs around his narrow hips as he leans in and takes a hungry kiss from your wanting, whimpering mouth.

Love this look on you, all wrapped around me, whispered low and slow into your ear, sweetness you have no idea how good you look…

Melt into those compliments, melt into him, because the way he’s holding you is divine and you can feel him so deep in you it’s making your head spin. When did your arms end up around him? When did you start clinging to him like an anchor, start winding your fingers through his hair, start leaving the marks of your nails on his back to the sound of his own needy groaning?

He noses your cheek and leaves a mark of ownership on your neck with hungry lips, knowing you’ll bruise a beautiful flower right over your pulsebeat and continuing the steady assault on your nerves, cunt-first.

Harder. Faster. More.

And oh, sweetness, you do shatter.

You shatter all around him, you shatter into something divine and rapturous, full of him and filled with him and he cums so deep inside you as you do, still fucking you through your joined climax, hips rutting and breath hitching and nearly furious at you for the way his vision whites out too, the way he feels like he can Never get enough and so he hisses that at you like an accusation while his thoughts reorient back to reality, back to smugness, back to the control you took from him while he tried to strip you of yours.

In the end, as he pulls away from you and sinks to the side of you, watching your sweet expression as you return to the reality of your new situation, he is satisfied… thoroughly.

Oh yeah, I think we can make this a working relationship, Counsel.

#siris5ksoftdarkchallenge #steve rogers x reader #mob!au #mob!steve #steve rogers x you #steve rogers smut #dark!fic #dark captain america #captain america #writing challenge

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rosy-cheekx · 4 years ago

Note

Heard you were looking for prompts :) 1 of 2 - From favorite tropes: Blind date set up by mutual friends! And maybe combined with "I'm speechless you're so beautiful" from the fluff & kisses (and other stuff) prompts. Go wild with it!

This will go to AO3 soon, but it was a lot of fun to write and a nice distraction from any hypothetical realities the TMA fandom may be experiencing.

Double-Blind: 5K

Martin smelled like espresso. He wrinkled his nose and dusted his hands on his apron uselessly, as if doing so would rid himself of the months of coffee, cinnamon, and hazelnut baked into his skin. It wasn’t all that bad, he supposed, except what was the point in using cologne if it was going to be immediately overpowered?

The bell above the door jingled and Martin jumped, pulled from his thoughts on cologne and what he would like to smell like, given the opportunity. Sandalwood, maybe? Tobacco and vanilla? The musky-sweet smells are nice, they have a nice mix of feminine and masculine to them, almost—

“Ahem.” An exaggerated clearing of the throat, once again whisking him from his distractions. Martin locked eyes on the woman across the counter from him, grinning mischievously. “Welcome back to Earth, Martin.”

“Oh! Oh. It’s just you. Hi, Georgie.” Georgie Barker, a regular customer, moderately well-known podcast host, and most importantly, one of Martin’s favorite people to see at the tiny coffee shop he spent more time in than his own flat.

“Just me? Excuse me.” Georgie pouted and crossed her arms, coily hair bouncing around her face as she shook her head. “I’ll have you know you should be grateful to see me this fine afternoon, Martin Koffee Blackwood!”

Martin grinned and dropped the act. “I always am, Georgie. But I told you, there’s not a—”

“Like I said, you should be happy to see me.” Georgie barreled on. “I have good news.” She cocked her head and pondered the chalk-covered board behind the counter. “Two chai lattes, please. And make one of them extra spicy?”

Martin rang up the order and passed two cups down to Rosie, all the while checking the door surreptitiously, ensuring a little chat wouldn’t hold anyone up. “Okay? Spill.”

Georgie’s phone was in her hand, and she waved it at Martin like it contained the secrets of the universe. “D’you remember my roommate, Melanie?”

Martin nodded, pursing his lips. “Vaguely. I thought you guys were dating.” He raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to elaborate.

Georgie waved a hand dismissively, rolling her eyes. “Not the point. Anyways, she has a friend of a friend-“ Georgie frowned for a moment, “…of a friend who is looking to get back into dating. Mel says he’s short and nerdy and prickly until you get to know him. Apparently a real pain to work with according to the friend.” Georgie smirked and pulled a sticky note from her back pocket. “Thought maybe you’d want his number.”

Martin grimaced at the blue piece of paper as she smoothed it to the counter with a firm motion. “Wow, George. Really selling it.” It was his fault; they had bonded over being queer back in July when Martin had worn his gay and trans pride buttons and Georgie was proudly sporting her own pansexual patch firmly affixed to her laptop case. One lunch break discussing quirky exes later, their friendship had been sealed. Mentioning offhandedly that he was on dating apps and hating every minute of it seemed to have rooted itself in Georgie’s mind and had grown like weeds until she had taken it upon herself to become his personal wing woman.

“Do you even know his name?” Martin asked, regarding the string of numbers on the piece of paper in front of him.

Georgie blushed, shrugging apologetically. “Friend of a friend of a friend. Sorry mate. Melanie said he likes cats, documentaries, and-” she made air quotes with her fingers, “-being uptight.”

“Wow.” Martin chuckled in disbelief. “Really selling it here.”

Rosie sidled by Martin and set down Georgie’s lattes, who shrugged and picked them up after dropping a few coins in the tip jar. “You have his number. Just think about it, Blackwood. Melanie’s friend doesn’t spread the word about someone unless they’re something special.” She blew a kiss (clumsily, considering the cups requiring the attention of each of her hands) and made her way to the door.

“I just want you to be happy!” She called out as the January winds pulled her out the door and into the grey afternoon.

Martin chewed on his lip as he considered. January was always a tough month for him, and he had been feeling a little lonely recently. He really didn’t see anyone besides his coworkers, customers, and his mother. As much as he enjoyed his job, he wouldn’t call anyone there a romantic interest. He folded the sticky note and stuck it in his pocket as his next customer approached the counter. He did like cats, after all. Maybe that would be a good starting conversation.

Jonathan Sims groaned and shifted the stack of books in his hand as he inspected the knee-high table that was buried amongst the fiction books. He hated working the children’s section of the library. Although no food or drink was allowed, there always seemed to be crumbs everywhere. He was starting to wonder if children just manifested them. He made a mental note to come back with disinfectant wipes after putting the stack of child-suitable biographies away and turned, nearly walking straight into the chest of one Timothy Stoker.

“A-ah!” Jon jumped instinctively backward, clutching the books closer to his chest in an attempt to keep from dropping them. “Tim! Good lord, there’s really no need to be sneaking up on me like that.”

Tim grinned wryly and shrugged, taking half of the books from Jon’s arms. “Sorry boss, thought you heard me.” He gestured for Jon to lead the way through the half-sized bookshelves; an unnecessary act seeing as Tim worked the children’s library much more frequently than Jon did.

“I’m not your-” Jon sighed, deciding this wasn’t the hill he wanted to die on today. He made his way through the shelves, sliding books into their correct placements with practiced hands. “Do you need something?”

“Actually,” Tim checked a Dewey code and slid a book into a shelf a few rows down. “I don’t. But you do.”

Jon stared blankly, uncomprehending. Tim chuckled and gestured with a cock of his head towards the research section. “Melanie said she has a friend who has a friend she wants to set up on a date. And while normally, I’d jump at the chance-” he waved his left hand, the silver ring inset with tiny diamonds flashing in the fluorescents, “I’ve been wifed up and I don’t think my dear Sash would appreciate my going on a blind date with a stranger.”

Jon frowned, setting his stack of books down and eyeing Tim. “What, so I have to?”

Tim shook his head, a patient smile on his face. “No, no one is forcing you. I just think—well. It’s been a while since your last relationship and you’ve been a little…testy, recently.” The look on Tim’s face dared Jon to contradict. “Melanie says he’s apparently a really good guy, very kind and sweet and patient. I think his name is Melvin? I kinda tuned out after she wrote down the number she got from her friend.”

Jon scoffed, pushing his glasses up his face as if that would help him comprehend the absolute ridiculousness of what Tim was saying. “Y-You want me to go on a date with this guy, Melvin? Because I’ve been…grumpy? That doesn’t seem very kind to this mysterious date.”

Tim pursed his lips. “I just think you could benefit from seeing someone who doesn’t work here. I mean, we love you Jon, but god, you need to get a social life. I’m practically begging you.” Tim’s purse elongated into a pout, eyes going big and starry. Jon inwardly groaned. Tim was his oldest friend here at the library and he really never learned how to resist that face. Maybe he should ask Sasha.

“One date,” Jon promised. “I’ll do one date. And then you never set me up again.”

Tim grabbed the rest of the books Jon had set down and added them to his stack before whisking himself away down the aisles. “If we’re lucky, I’ll never have to!” He called down the aisles, grinning madly. Jon sighed and grabbed a small pink sticky note that had been stuck to the countertop, running his eyes over the numbers before slipping it into his pocket. He’ll call later.

Martin stared resolutely at the numbers on the blue sticky note, running his thumb over the curled edge of the paper, slightly stained from some sort of milk during the shift. Even his apron pockets weren’t foolproof. The underground was busy and he was jammed between an older woman who smelled weirdly like salmon and a man who seemed utterly too well-dressed to be on the tube. Elbows crammed into his side to keep from nudging anyone, he pulled out his phone and stared at the messaging app for what felt like several minutes. He typed the numbers into the message bar and watched his cursor blip in the body of the message.

Hey whats up?

No, that would be so weird.

Hiya, this is martin!

Georgie never said the man’s name, would this mysterious date know his?

Hey I think the alphabet is missing I and U together.

Gross. Just gross. Martin grimaced inwardly and chewed on his lip, thinking carefully before typing.

Hi! My name is martin. my friend gave me your number, hope thats okay. she said you were really nice and recommended we try a blind date. if this is too weird, I get ignoring it. but if youre game, I am! :)

As he finished typing, he heard the familiar robotic voice of the tube announcing his stop. Quickly, Martin shoved the phone in his pocket and carefully forced his way through the crowd and onto the platform, mind cast to what he had accessible for dinner.

----

It took Jon a few days, until Saturday, to remember to call the phone number they had been given. They could text, they supposed, but they always appreciated hearing someone’s intonation a little better. Especially a stranger, ugh, they shuddered at the idea of not being able to decipher the tone of this Melvin. It was half-past 11 when they decided to call, hoping this would be late enough in the morning to not wake him up.

The phone rang momentarily before a surprisingly feminine voice answered the phone. “Hello. This is Rosie. You’ve reached Swirl Café and Bakery.”

Well shit. This was not what Jon expected. They stumbled over their rehearsed speech, trying to scramble words together in a way that made sense. “Uh-sorry, I must have the wrong number. I-I was trying to speak to Melvin?”

“Mmm, sorry. No Melvin works here. We have a Martin, but he’s off the clock. Would you like to speak to our manager?” Rosie’s voice was clipped and courteous, but Jon could hear the bustle of voices in the background. It must be their weekend rush.

“Ah-uh, no, no thank you.” Jon shook their head into the phone, before remembering that did not translate aurally. “It’s alright. Thank you anyways.”

“Sorry, mate. Thanks for calling!” The dial tone droned on for a moment before Jon hung up, sighing and pressing the heels of their hands into their eyes. That was a waste. Melanie must have been playing them; Jon knew they generally didn’t get along, but they didn’t realize she would stoop so low. Honestly, shame on themself for getting excited about a date.

Later that evening, Jon was cooking and listening to music through the speaker that balanced precariously on a shelf next to their stove. The music was low, with a variety of orchestral instruments and sultry, smooth voices. Jon’s eyes were half closed as they stirred the curry in the pan in front of them, letting the music and heat of the kitchen entangle them in a sleepy feeling relaxing their whole body. As the cello in the song dipped low and resonant, Jon stood still, letting the music sweep them away—

They jumped as the ringer alerted them through the speaker that they had received a text, glaringly electronic compared to the rich notes of cello and viola that had been so rudely interrupted. Sleepy feeling gone as adrenaline washed through their body, Jon sighed and retrieved their phone, checking for the message.

An unknown number flicked across the screen:

Hi! my name is martin. my friend gave me your number, hope thats okay. she said you were really nice and recommended we try a blind date. if this is too weird, i get ignoring it. but if youre game, I am! :)

i meant to send this a few days ago but I never hit send. sorry ab that! rosie said someone called the café asking ab me and i assumed that was you bc i wasnt expecting anyone else and no one involved in the blind date thing ever asked for my mobile number.

if it wasn’t you, oops! either way it reminded me that i had never texted you. :)

Jon squinted at the screen as they read the messages a few times over. That was…a lot of words. So his name was Martin. It was certainly nicer than Melvin. Jon agonized over their words as they typed out a response.

Hello Martin. That was me who called the café…I hope it didn’t cause problems for you. Blind dates aren’t usually my thing, but my coworkers think I need to get out more. I’d be happy to meet you for dinner or coffee. Even if we don’t get along, we can say we’ve done it.

Unless, of course, you’re rather sick of coffee. I prefer tea anyways.

…not “done it” done it. Just. Had the blind date.

Jon winced at their follow up texts. God, that was embarrassing. Martin probably didn’t even take it that way until they bothered to clarify. They shook their head, warding away the growing anxiety in their chest and tucked their phone in their pocket as they turned their attention back to the simmering curry. Jon had embarrassed themselves enough for one night.

----

Martin chuckled at the texts that came through; one slow and the two follow-ups rapid. He could feel the awkwardness through the messages, desperately trying to give a good impression. He chuckled to himself as he set down his dinner plate.

dinner sounds perfect. but same about the tea! and about the coworkers tbh, my friends think im making friends with the espresso machine. which, i am, but only bc its good company haha.

btw i never got your name?

Martin’s phone was silent the rest of the night, as he plodded his way through a mediocre dinner and shower before settling into his armchair, desperate to work on his poetry. Words came slowly to him recently, thoughts about the world and darkness and the intersection of fall and winter. He really should up and move to somewhere warmer, he thought to himself, before laughing the notion away aloud. Yeah, right. He rolled his eyes and tried to focus on the poetry prompts book he had found at the charity shop. “Use noncolor words to describe a color.” Great. Martin settled back and tried to focus, but kept finding himself checking his phone impulsively, the foamed latte art he’d photographed, one of a cat he was particularly proud of, stared back at him judgmentally.

As he drew his evening to a close, Martin almost missed the buzz of his phone, now plugged in by his bed, as he brushed his teeth.

Congrats on the espresso machine. And my name is Jon. Anywhere you want to go for dinner?

________________________________________________________________

Jon hesitated, thumb hovering over the icon that would open a video chat with Tim. He didn’t want to come off nervous, but… he was.

Texting had been going well. Martin was good at keeping the conversation going and genuinely seemed to enjoy the long texts Jon had sent regarding his irritations with the research he was conducting as a part of his master’s in literature, asking him questions about details Jon had added for context. Martin was easy to talk to, too, he always seemed to have an opinion on subjects but always ones Jon was happy to hear, even if he was objectively wrong about spiders and oolong tea. Martin had sent an awkward text, letting Jon know he was trans and that if that was a dealbreaker he should tell him now, one Jon had blushed over and responded that he was nonbinary himself, and that it certainly wasn’t. The “okay fantastic! :))) remind me of your pronouns? he/him for me.” that followed it up had made Jon’s heart sing.

They had agreed to meet at an Italian place, equidistant between their flats and not too fancy. Martin had commented about getting ice cream after, but Jon wasn’t sure if he was joking or not, since it had also been a jab about Jon’s preference for rum raisin. Thus, he was staring at his wardrobe, paralyzed with indecision. Tim had offered to help, which Jon had initially rejected since he’s “not a child Tim, I’ve dated before. And I know how to dress myself.” But lord if he wasn’t wishing for someone to lay out his clothes and tell him to behave. He grimaced and jabbed the video chat button, bracing for the onslaught of teasing to come.

----

Martin adjusted his collar for what must have been the twelfth time, sucking on his lip as he waited at the reserved table. He hadn’t been there long, no more than five minutes, but his anxiety had been building up all day and a part of him was absolutely certain Jon wasn’t going to come. Neither of them knew what the other looked like; what if Jon saw him and had dipped out immediately? He was wearing mint green, as he had promised, so Jon would recognize him, and brought a bouquet of daisies, mostly because it felt weird not to bring anything, but he didn’t want to be too romantic. Not roses or anything. Besides, Jon said he liked daisies, said they reminded him of an old friend. Martin hoped it wasn’t too weird. He brushed his auburn curls out of the way of his eyes, part of him regretting not having gotten a haircut first, but he tucked those thoughts aside as he surveyed the restaurant from his vantage point.

He blinked in confusion as he watched long curls make their way towards him. Dark black hair, streaked with white, half bunned up in the back and rest left to hang loose, skimming purple-covered elbows. Martin wasn’t sure if they were wearing flowy grey pants or a skirt, but either way, the faint black pattern to them was stunning and Martin couldn’t help but watch the swoosh of the hemlines. As the person got closer, Martin realized they were tiny, stylized eyes.

“Ah-you’re Martin, right?” It took Martin a second to realize this absolutely beautiful person was talking to him.

“hmm—Oh! Yes! You must be Jon.” Martin stood, unsure whether he should shake Jon’s hand or hug him or? But Jon solved the problem himself by sitting, and so Martin did as well. “It’s nice to finally meet you…in person, that is,” he added, grinning shyly. “You look lovely, by the way.”

Jon blushed. “Ah, thank you. Y-You too. O-or handsome, whichever you prefer.” He sipped his water and fidgeted with his hands, eyes flicking around the room nervously before coming around to rest on Martin.

Martin shrugged. “A compliment is a compliment, they all work. Speaking of—what pronouns are you feeling today? I remember you saying it varies.”

Jon shook his head slightly. “I’m not going to pitch a fit either way, but ‘he’ is just fine.” It was nice to be asked. The library respected his pronouns, of course, but something about Martin going out of his way to make sure he was on the same page was… It made Jon’s heart thud deep in his chest.

They made small talk about the travel, the weather, Italian food preferences until the waiter came and relieved the tension. Martin felt his shoulders relax after they both ordered; it felt more real somehow.

“So,” Martin asked, sipping his water demurely, a smile tinged on his lips. “Melvin, huh?”

Jon choked on air for a moment. His mouth gaped open and shut again and Martin couldn’t help the grin overtook him. Jon’s embarrassment was sweet; his cheeks flushed and he bowed his head slightly. It was a lovely look on him. “For the record, that’s what I was told by my coworker, Tim.” Jon made air quotes with his fingers. “‘Melvin or something.’ Who was I to question your name?”

“Right, and I’m glad you respect names ‘n’ all. But Melvin?” Martin chuckled to himself, shaking his head. “I’m not the decimal system guy.”

“Nn-mmm,” Jon shook his head, nose wrinkled in a way Martin found particularly cute. “That’s Melville. Melville Dewey.” Jon emphasized, back straightening. “Distinctly different. I’m a librarian, actually.”

“Oh!” Martin blinked. “That makes sense. You work with Melanie, then, I assume?”

Jon grimaced again. “Unfortunately.”

“She’s not that bad!” Martin insisted. “I’ve met her once or twice and she’s been very polite.”

Jon rolled his eyes. “For someone who’s getting a degree in parapsychology, she seems very judgmental.”

“Oh? And what are you studying again?”

“English Lit-hey!”

Martin grinned behind his glass of water. “Just saying, I haven’t met an English Lit student who wasn’t obscenely pretentious.”

Jon faltered for a second and slumped his shoulders in defeat, though his voice still seemed to carry humor, albeit dry. “Unfortunately, I am no exception.”

“Well, I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

Dinner arrived smoothly, shrimp scampi for Jon and eggplant parmesan for Martin. They ate slowly, chatting more about Jon’s graduate degree, Martin’s affinity for fiction and poetry, and their shared interest in tea.

“So, are you vegetarian?” Jon gestured to the eggplant on Martin’s plate. Martin wobbled his head slightly, not quite a negatory shake of the head.

“It’s complicated. My mother has—had—a sensitive stomach so we didn’t eat meat growing up. I think that turned me off the taste. And there’s something about the texture,” he shuddered. “Weirds me out.”

Jon’s eyes were sharp, boring holes into Martin’s in a way he should have found alarming, but instead found soothing. “Mine, too.” His tone—softer, almost reverent, clued Martin in: he wasn’t talking about being vegetarian.

Martin nodded, and gently placed a hand on Jon’s, the one that hovered near his drinking glass. “I’m sorry.”

They were quiet for a moment, Jon’s hand was small and warm under his, and Martin could feel a thin silver bracelet clinging to his wrist. Martin was amazed by how perfectly his fingers rested over Jon’s, how nice it must feel to hold hands with him on a walk or side by side against the world. Jon cleared his throat suddenly and reached for his glass, gulping down water while staring steadfastly at his plate.

Martin felt his own blush rise through his cheeks and pushed a stray noodle around his plate. “So, here’s a question,” he began, eager to clear the tension. “You said earlier your friend Tim gave you the number to Swirl, right? I don’t know a Tim. So how did he know me?”

Jon frowned, cocking his head. “Technically, I got the number from Tim but that was via Melanie. She said her roommate was friends with…well, friends with you.”

“Mmhmm, that makes sense. I know Georgie from the coffee shop.” He was about to continue when he saw absolutely paralyzed look on Jon’s face. “You…you alright?”

Jon was stock still, pausing the forkful of shrimp that was en route to his mouth. “Sorry, Melanie’s roommate is Georgie?”

Martin nodded slowly. “Yeah, Georgie Barker, that podcaster. She gets her an extra-spicy chai latte from Swirl most days and that’s about the most I know of the relationship. Why, you know her?”

Jon put the fork down, shrimp forgotten, and sighed, running his thumbs along the bridge of his nose, pushing his thin-rimmed glasses up to his eyebrows. “Y-yes, she’s kind of…my ex.”

It was Martin’s turn to freeze. “Sorry?”

“Mmm, yeah, we decided we were better as friends. It was back in Oxford. But I don’t exactly see her often much anymore.” Jon winced at his own words, as if he knew how bad they sounded.

Martin sat back in disbelief, chuckling to himself. “Y’know, she said you were a ‘friend of a friend of a friend.’ D’you think she even knew it was you?”

Jon cocked his head in thought. “I guess not. I mean, I think the whole library staff has been gunning for me to relieve some tension. I wouldn’t be surprised if they’ve been looking for a blind date for me for months now.”

Martin grinned, eyes sparkling. “Well, no matter. It was lucky for me.” Lucky again, was Martin, when he was rewarded with Jon’s warm blush.

----

The bill had been a painful affair, with both Jon and Martin vying for the privilege of paying. Martin struck a deal: he’d pay for the dinner, and Jon would pay for ice cream. Jon knew the differences would widely outweigh when it came to cost but he relented, and the self-satisfied smirk that blossomed over Jon’s face was payment enough.

Martin pointed out the ice cream parlor was a few blocks away and, though it was January, they decided to walk. The fresh snow on the ground glinted against the orange street lamps, and Jon laughed under his breath at the way Martin took great care to step on any unusually large clumps of snow, like he had a personal vendetta. When Jon’s chuckle had made it past the scarf he had wound round his neck and mouth, Martin had glanced over, embarrassed.

“I like the sound of it,” he mumbled, suddenly very meek for a man his stature. It was, regretfully, endearing. Martin was tall, but he was big too, and it was obvious underneath the layer of soft cashmere and chub, there was rigid muscle, and beneath that still, a gentle heart. Jon was struck by him, in more ways he had prepared himself for, and it felt second nature to slide his gloved hand into Martin’s and give it a solid squeeze of acknowledgement.

“Do you think it’s too cold to get ice cream?” Jon asked, watching a cloud of breath float by his lips.

Martin shrugged. “Technically? Yes. But who’s going to tell on us?” Jon swung their entwined hands a little. “Unless…you don’t want to?” Martin added, eyes locking on Jon’s before his head followed.

Jon shook his head. “No, I want to. I believe we have a debt to settle and I have a personal score involving rum raisin.” Martin beamed, clearly pleased, and Jon was certain the snow around him melted right off with the warmth of his smile. Jon leant into Martin’s side a little, and they continued in silence until they reached the ice cream parlor, the entrance to which glowed with pink and white LEDs.

Jon smugly ordered a scoop of rum raisin and was delighted to find Martin “didn’t hate it,” though he insisted his mint chip was better. That was genuinely the best Jon could hope for; not even Georgie in all her unusual tastes enjoyed his rum raisin sensibility. “My grandmother loved it when I was a kid,” he explained between bites, stirring the ice cream with his spoon. “It was the only flavor she kept around the house.”

“Not even vanilla?” Martin gasped in mock disbelief. “Any sensible person would say you’ve been tricked into enjoying it.” Jon chuckled and elbowed Martin mildly.

Jon found himself lingering over the bowl, realizing that the end of their dessert meant an end to the date. Martin seemed to be acting similarly, putting his spoon down between bites and taking more and more thoughtful swallows between their bouts of conversation.

“You-you took the tube here, right?” Jon asked, setting his finally-empty bowl off to the side. At Martin’s confirmation, Jon clenched his fist below the table. “Do you want to walk to the station together?”

Martin’s eyes lit up, nodding eagerly. “I had meant to ask, actually! I wanted to make sure you got there safe.” Jon winced at the blush that overtook his cheeks, though it was easy to blame it on the chill of the ice cream and the frigid night.

The walk to the tube was longer and the pair, heavily sated by pasta and dairy, were quiet, making soft comments about the snow or the odd remaining Christmas decorations, hands clasped tightly and shoulders pressing into the other. The fluorescents of the underground shone brightly, normally a beacon calling travelers home in the night, but to Jon it felt like a dreadful curse. He truly hadn’t expected to enjoy his evening with Martin so much, but they had just clicked. It felt like a shame to let it go.

Swiping their cards, Jon and Martin passed through their respective turnstiles and stood at the bisecting tunnels through which the various lines waited to take them home. They faced each other in silence, hands still interlocked, unsure of how to begin.

“If you’d like to,” Jon murmured, eyes shifting focus to Martin’s curls, plastered to his forehead from the snow; his collar, peeking through his coat; the way the shell of his ear seemed to have a nick missing (was it from a childhood accident? Just the way it was grown?). “I’d like to go out again.”

Martin squeezed Jon’s hand, and Jon’s eyes flitted back to Martin’s own; they were grey-blue and reminded Jon of his childhood sea. “Mmhmm, yeah.” Martin rolled his eyes at his own words and tried again. “Yes, Jon, I’d love that.” Martin moved to hug Jon, a gesture Jon eagerly accepted, relishing the warm arms encircling him and the feel of Martin’s chin resting on the crown of his head. As they pulled away, Martin’s eyes flitted across Jon’s face and the hand around his back moved, cautiously, to rest on the side of Jon’s neck.

“I…I don’t want to presume,” Martin said quietly, and Jon was distinctly aware of how empty, how big, the station was. “Is it okay if I kiss your cheek?”

Jon blinked rapidly, nodding wordlessly, before clearing his throat. “Ah, um, yes. Please.”

Martin’s smile was soft as he pressed his lips to the apex of Jon’s cheekbone, almost into his hairline. Jon was sure the blush that rose across his face this time certainly couldn’t be explained away by the snow, but he honestly wasn’t really sure he cared.

#tma #tma fanfic #the magnus archives #the magnus archives fanfic #fanfic to a tea #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jmart #jonmartin #georgie barker #rosie zampano #tma rosie #tim stoker #meet cute #blind date au #this is my love letter to TMA #prompt answer #fanfic prompt

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xwing-baby · 4 years ago

Text

Impulse: El Ojo (Javier Peña x f!Reader)

Summary: Top of your class, the DEA have sent you to Colombia to be the poster child for their new ‘placement program’. You’re thrown in at the deep end into the drug war. With Agent Peña as your mentor, what could possibly go wrong?

Warnings: swearing, injury to reader, alcohol and drug abuse, threatening with guns, brief mentions of torture, description of injury and blood, unwanted touching, flirting, bad thought processes (addiction). PINK SHIRT

Word Count: 5k

A/N: Had a little change of plan last week, this is now the final chapter of this series. I am so sad to end it now, I’ve loved writing this so much. My first time writing for Narcos so thank you so much for all the support y’all I’ve given me with this. I love you all. I hope you enjoy this chapter!!

<-- Previous Chapter // Masterlist // Next Chapter -->

You were on a winning streak. Since you’d found the list of sicarios and matched that up with the more current information, you’d presented it to Carrillo and surprisingly he was on board. With his help, you had brought down five, admittedly low level but increasingly more valuable, sicarios. If you didn’t think about the torture and abuse each of them undertook once captured, used to break them into more telling more information, you could say you were doing a good job. Escobar’s organisation was shaking. You were coming for him.

You and Steve leant against a wall, soaking up the sunshine chatting amongst yourselves when you saw Javier arrive. You hadn’t expected him to come at all, having disappeared without a word early on in the morning. He parked his truck close by, walking over to you and Steve with his vest in hand. You grinned and jabbed Steve when you saw the shirt Javi was wearing.

The pink shirt had been a long-standing joke since you’d found it in his closet a few months ago. He had many colourful shirts, was known for them, but the pink one always seemed like another level. You and Steve teased him about it constantly, though you had to admit it did look good on him now. Javi scowled when he saw you and Steve’s mischievous grins, immediately realising his mistake.

“I know you get called the Whore of Bogata but you don’t need to dress like it! Jesus christ Javi!” You fanned yourself with your hand, grinning at him, “really I’m going to need a minute,” Javi flipped you off as you laughed hard.

“Shut up, I look great,” He grumbled.

“Just thinking about the poor flamingo you rinsed for that colour,” Steve joined in the teasing, shaking his head sadly.

“You are just jealous you could never pull this colour off,” Javi said smugly. You laughed.

“Maybe you shouldn’t come out today, could be quite distracting,” You said, pretending to be thoughtful. Javi’s frowned, only making you and Steve laugh more, “Aw don’t get pissy, Baby. We love you really” You teased him in a mocking voice, pouting at him. “You and your flamboyant choices,” You ruffled his hair up as you passed him. He tried to duck out the way but you caught him. He shoved you away, muttering expletives under his breath. You skipped a few paces out of his reach, flipped him off.

“L/n!” Somebody called your name across the street, one of the technicians you’d been talking to before Javier arrived. You left Steve and Javier to talk.

The technician explained the problem again, showing you the options for moving forward. It was quite common that things would go wrong before any kind of mission. Today was no different, the technicians had lost a signal and were now not sure that the address you had swarmed was correct.

You chewed your nails while you thought. You could risk getting the wrong house, letting the sicarios know you were on to them and you’d lose them again. You could come back another day, but risk losing them again. Or you could ransack some innocent person's house and have Carrillo on your ass for ruining his reputation in the one week he’d left you in charge.

If you messed this up it would mean your stronghold would be lost. There would be time for them to work out what was going on and move everything again.

At a loss, you excused yourself needing to take a break and a few minutes alone to think without soldiers trying to put in their two cents.

As your work life had become more stressful over the last months. You had found some relief in, ironically, coke. It wasn’t a habit you were trying to form, but you had learnt just what good taking just a little bit could do for you. It quietened down your worried brain and made you simultaneously more aware of everything. You were better when you were just a little bit high.

You had started keeping a small amount in your pocket. Hidden in a small sewing tin in your jacket pocket, you had started keeping a little coke on you especially for moments like this. You could take it, have a breather, and come back with a solution. It was fine. Nobody would know.

You’d spotted a cafe across the road, and hoped they had a restroom. You gave an excuse to the soldier you’d been talking to and walked across the street.

“Oi Rookie!” Javi called as he noticed you walk past on the opposite side of the street. “Where are you going?”

“Going to the bathroom. Women’s issues,” You called back, Javi and Steve grimaced. That was always the best excuse.

While you wouldn’t do it at the compound you didn’t have any reservation here. You’d been itching for a hit all morning and there was only so much more you could take. You walked into the cafe, asked for the direction of the restroom, and locked the door behind you once you were inside. Small, dark and stinking of pee, it was not the best place but hygiene wasn’t particularly an issue you were worried about.

You tipped a small amount from the box onto the sink counter, lined it up with a card from your pocket, bent down and took it up your nose. You grimaced, while it had burnt your nose somewhat it still stung. But it was worth it when the feeling began to kick in. You smiled at your reflection and double-checked your appearance in the mirror, wiping your nose. Nobody could ever tell.

As usual, the drug kicked your brain into gear again and everything fell into place. The raid went brilliantly, by pure coincidence you’d bagged two sicarios in one as your original target had invited your next round for dinner with his new girlfriend. Your plan well into the swing of things now, much to everyone’s surprise.

—

Like every weekend for the last three months, you were going out. The line between enemies and friends was long since blurred, hanging out with ‘Isabela’s’ friends was not an issue. Most of the time you weren’t even trying to get anything from them, you’d got what you needed months ago. As fun as Javier and Steve were, it was much more enjoyable to hang out with people your age. And they wouldn’t give you cocaine, María had it on tap.

You were dressed up, recently treating yourself to a new outfit as a job well done. A black off the shoulder top, covered in lace, and a little black mini skirt. You felt sexy, you were going to have a very good night.

“Rookie!” Javier called out to you as he came out of the apartment building. You were standing outside waiting for a taxi, smoking a cigarette.

“Javi, baby, you’re looking slick! Where are you going?” You checked him out. He wore his signature tight blue jeans and an equally tight black shirt that was almost bursting at the seams. He looked incredible, as he always did.

You were thankful that things had gone back to normal between you and Javier. The awkward stepping around each other had gone, you weren’t jealous. You acknowledged you would probably always like him a little more than was professional but that had fallen into a fun flirty banter that more than anything just wound Steve up.

You found yourself calling him Baby more than his name, it’d started as a joke to get back at him for always calling you Rookie but now it was so commonplace people had stopped picking you up on it if it slipped out while you were working.

It was fun. You cared for each other, that was clear to even a blind man, but there was no romanticism to the relationship anymore. There was no need. It wasn’t good for either of you. You’d found a comfortable rhythm and were going to stick to it.

“Out,” He shrugged, “That’s a new top,”

“You noticed?”

“Course, can’t keep my eyes off you,” He purred, happily playing along with your game.

“Thought you’d be more interested in the skirt,”

“Will you two quit it?” Steve’s voice interrupted your flirting as he walked down the stairs. You barked in laughter.

“Steve! So it’s a boys night I see? Where was my invite?”

“Figured you’d have your own plans,” Steve said.

“And you are correct Murphy but it’s always polite to ask,”

“Next time,” He assured you. “Where are you going tonight?”

“I don’t know. Some club, El Ojo or something?” You shrugged, “Seeing as this is maybe Isabela’s last time out I am going to go out with a bang, literally,” You raised an eyebrow, insinuation of your worlds made Steve roll his eyes.

You were hoping within the next few weeks to be able to close in on some higher level sicarios and associates to Escobar. Drawing the noose in slowly so he wouldn’t notice until it’d choked him. That meant your position as Isabela was going to have to come to an end to keep you safe from your own program. You’d discussed it at length with Peña and Murphy, while you didn’t agree you had to listen to them. They were still your superiors after all, no matter how close friends you were.

“If you told past you you were going to willingly sleep with a Narco I think you would have passed out,” Steve laughed.

“I’m a changed woman Murphy, what can I say,” You smirked, “Imagine what I’ll be like by the end of the year,”

“God help us,” Javier shook his head, a smirk plastered on his face. You laughed and stubbed out your cigarette with your shoe as your taxi pulled around the corner.

“Here’s my ride. Have a good night, boys. I will be back in the morning,”

—

El Ojo was just as María had told you. Modern and smoke-filled, people were filling every inch of the space. You walked in and couldn’t help the smile that grew on your face. This was exactly what you needed. Crowds were anonymous, nobody cared who you were or what you were doing. Everyone was just there for one reason, to have a good time.

You ordered a drink at the bar, flirting with the man next to you briefly before taking the drink and finding your friends. As usual, they were up in the VIP area, courtesy of the Parreño name. You walked up and were let inside the cordoned-off area to find Diego stood up on his seat, wild-eyed, shouting about something. It wasn’t until you got closer that you heard what he was saying.

“I’m telling you Isabela is lying!” He shouted above the music.

“What’s going on?” You asked. None of the ten people surrounding the booth noticed your approach, their eyes shifting awkwardly when they saw you.

“You! You’re a liar!” Diego pointed down at you, hatred burning behind his eyes.

“What is going on?” You asked again. You looked around for María, she was usually the one to step between you and Diego, but she was nowhere to be seen. This was not the kind of conversation you’d wanted for this evening.

“You were the only one to survive that raid at Carlos’,” He continued, jumping off the couch to your level, “That fucking maniac Carrillo killed everyone but you! You’re working with them, aren’t you?”

“You’ve lost it,” You rolled your eyes, “Completely lost it,”

“You don’t deny it!” He yelled. You gulped, trying not to look scared of the man but the rage in his eyes was shaking you. You stepped backwards as he advanced toward you

“You’re insane!” You laughed in his face, “I’m not a fucking spy, especially not for Carrillo,”

“Bullshit,” He spat, Suddenly he pulled a gun from his back, waving it in your face. People shouted and screamed around you, scattering as the metal glinted in the light. Your eyes remained on his, not saying a word as he pressed the barrel into your neck. You didn’t move, barely breathing, “You’re a fucking rat,” He growled.

“Diego!” Finally, María stepped in, running over when she heard the commotion. “Stop it, put it away. Idiot,” She pulled the gun from his hand, standing firmly between you and him. “Ignore him. He’s paranoid. Someone’s leaking information and he thinks it's you because he’s a jealous asshole,” Maria explained, swiftly pushing him backwards until he sat back in the booth again, “How fucking ridiculous would that be? You? A spy!”

“Insane,” You agreed through a clenched jaw. Diego continued to glare at you dangerously, leaning over to whisper something to a friend.

“I swear if we get banned from this club because of you Diego I am leaving you,” María said angrily, “Come on, I want to party,” She linked her arm through you, not caring that you were still in shock from having a gun held to you, and dragged you to the bar.

Fortunately, copious amounts of vodka and tequila were great for calming your nerves. In a few hours, you had nearly forgotten the entire ordeal. You couldn’t think about anything more than the music ringing in your ears and how good it felt dancing on the stranger behind you.

After a while, María pulled you back up to the booth where Diego and his friends were still sitting. You did your best to ignore him, chatting to one of the girls at the table instead. You laughed and did a few lines, generally relaxing into the evening. So relaxed you didn’t notice the newest member of the group until he finally addressed you.

“Don’t I know you?” You looked over and panic spread over you like a bucket of ice water over your head sobering you almost instantly. He did know you. The man before you was the first man you had arrested, almost six months ago. He must have been bailed out for jail.

“No,” You answered confidently. You didn’t lie. You didn’t know him, not really.

“Gabriel, sit down!” María cheered, “Isabela this is my cousin, Gabriel. Gabriel, Isabela,” She introduced you. Her cousin. Of course. You smiled politely, praying the dim lights would hide the nervous sweat that had overtaken you.

Gabriel looked confused but didn’t say anything if he did recognise you. Not that that would matter anyway, as soon as he spoke to Diego his memory would no doubt be jogged. If he found out you were a DEA agent you would be dead. You had to leave.

“Here take my seat, I’ve got to get some air for a minute,” You stood up, letting him take your place next to Maria. You caught Diego’s suspicious look as you walked past, spotting the nearest exit door.

Your hands were shaking, your body not sure what to do with itself. The cocaine and alcohol said to go back inside and take them all out. What was left of your rational brain was consumed by fear and kept you outside. It was bad enough if someone like Senator Parreño had suspicions about you but Diego? Gabriel? Diego had already shown he wasn’t afraid to threaten you in public. Of the two of them joined heads they would connect the dots and your cover would be blown wide open. So would you, you thought morbidly. Coke and anger never mixed well.

You took breathes of the warm summer air, leaning against the wall of the club as you tried to calm yourself down. You shouldn’t have taken the last shot, now verging over the edge of blacking out; your vision was spotty, sound not registering properly and your tongue felt heavy in your mouth.

You wondered if Steve and Javi were nearby, the fresh air having the opposite effect than you’d wanted. You would blackout and you were going to need help to get home if you did. But you didn’t recall either of the men telling you where they were going, they could be anywhere in the city.

Stumped for the moment, you decided to wait it out, lighting a cigarette hoping that might help sober you up. You pulled the packet from your purse

“Need a light?” A man appeared next to you, lighter in hand. You nodded and he flicked the flame up, you bent over and lit your cigarette between your teeth.

“Thanks,” You mumbled, turning away from him, hoping he would leave. He didn’t. Instead, the man continued to stare at you, following you into your personal space as you shuffled away from him.

“Can I help you?” You snapped, immediately getting a bad feeling about him. You crossed your arms over your chest, frowning at him.

“No need for that tone baby. Come on, I wanna talk to you,” He purred. His eyes dipped to your cleavage, a lustful look in his eyes.

“I’m not interested,” You said, stepping backwards away from the man. He seemingly didn’t hear you, continuing to get into your personal space, arms reaching out to grab your hips.

“You were interested earlier. Come on, baby,” He purred, pulling you close to him, pressing his hips against yours.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You yelled, pushing him off hard enough to make him stumble backwards.

“Fucking bitch,” He growled.

If you were sober the situation would have a very swift end. You would punch him square in the face and he would leave you alone, scuttling away with a broken jaw and a shattered ego. However, you were not in a state to do that now. He had the upper hand. All you could do was run, hoping once you were back amongst people he wouldn’t attack you. You looked up the alley, the open street was just a few feet away.

You bolted.

Unfortunately just as you didn’t have enough coordination to punch the man, you didn’t have enough to run in heels on the uneven floor. Not even ten foot away your legs wobble, heels falling into a pothole sending you forward. You fell into a dumpster, head hitting the corner of the metal with a thud. You yelped, vision going black for a moment as you lay on the concrete.

“Hey hey hey,” A man ran over, instantly scaring the man off of you. He knelt by your side and helped you up from where you’d fallen. You groaned and pushed yourself up, head throbbing harshly, warm liquid trickling down your face. Your world was spinning even with your eyes closed. “Y/n, Fuck are you okay?”

“Get off me!” You exclaimed, trying to push the stranger off, not that your shaking arms were very effective.

“Y/n hey it’s me, you’re okay!” You looked up and saw Steve through a haze of blurred vision. You squinted as something dripped over your eye. Steve then saw the cut to your head, “Oh shit,” Your eyes are glassy and blown out, you mumbled something to him and pushed yourself out of his reach again, wobbling and tipping backwards. He caught you before you hit the floor again. “Y/n what are you doing out here? Weren’t you with your friends?”

“Her brother was the first guy,” You said, your speech slurred so much Steve barely understood what you were saying.

“Rookie, you’re not making sense. What are you on about?”

“I’m so fucked,” You sighed, letting your head rollback. You giggled as the world spun.

“Yeah, I can tell, come on let’s get you home,” Steve stood up, holding his hands out to you and pulled you up to standing again.

“Where’s Peña?” You asked.

“At the bar,”

“I want to go talk to him, let’s go talk to him!” You exclaimed. You began to walk in the opposite direction, dragging Steve along by the arm. He pulled you back with ease.

“You can talk to him in the morning, we’re going home,” He insisted.

“But I have to tell him about the brother he’s going -,” Your rambling was interrupted as you threw up, barely missing Steve’s leg. He grimaced and jumped out of the way, “I have to talk to him,” You said quietly once you were done.

“Tomorrow, Kid,” He repeated himself.

You pouted, tears of frustration welling up in your eyes but you didn’t fight him. Despite how drunk you were you knew that going home would realistically be the best course of action right now. You could barely string a sentence together let alone get anything important out coherently.

Steve got you into a taxi, luckily the driver paid no attention to the blood dripping down your face. You were falling asleep on his shoulder as you pulled up to the apartment, Steve pulled you out of the car and up the stairs to the apartment. Only when he opened the door, he was met by Javier and Vanessa also on their way inside.

“Woah!” Javier instantly turned his full attention to you when he saw the state you were in, hanging onto Steve’s sleeve, “What happened?”

“Some guy tried to touch her up, she hit her head, I’ve got it covered,” Steve explained.

“Hey Baby,” You grinned, obviously giving Javi a once over.

“She doesn’t look alright,” Vanessa commented, “Did she just call you baby?”

“It’s a long story,” Javi dismissed the comment. “She doesn’t look okay,”

“I’ve got it covered. I’ll get her to throw up and get some water to sober her up,” Steve said, “We’ll be okay, won’t we Rook?”

“Fine and dandy!” You grinned.

“If you’re sure,” Javi said hesitantly. You were gone, hanging onto Steve’s arm to hold yourself up. Your eyes were blown out and blank, if you remembered anything in the morning it would be a miracle. His first reaction was to help you, not sure Steve could handle you alone. Steve wasn’t exactly sober himself, sinking a good few beers with Javier in the bar before he’d left. However, his decision was made for him as you and Steve began walking up the stairs, Vanessa’s hands were back on him and any worry was squashed as she dragged him into his apartment.

Upstairs, Steve took you into his apartment. He took you to the bathroom, sat you on top of the toilet and rooted around the medicine cabinet to find some cleaning supplies so he could patch up your bleeding head.

“Connie’s probably got something in here,” He rooted through the cabinet. Connie had gone back to Miami for the week to see her family, inconveniently right when her skills were needed. Steve’s tipsy attempt at first aid would have to do,“Ah-ha! Here we go, clean that cut out with this,”

“Ow!” You whined, flinching away from him quickly when he showed you the antiseptic bottle.

“I didn’t touch you,” Steve chuckled, “Hold still,” Carefully he poured the liquid over a cotton ball, took hold of your face in the other hand and dabbed the cotton on your cut.

“Ow! Steve that fucking hurt,” You complained, flinching away from him as the alcohol stung the wound on your head. You frowned at him, tearing up a little.

“Don’t be a baby,”

“I am a baby!” You exclaimed. Steve grabbed hold of you again, he needed to clean the wound if it was going to heal properly. You whined and hissed at him but eventually, it was clear.

“Look, all done, got the grit out,”

“Thanks, Steve,” You kissed his cheek quickly.

“You’re welcome,” He laughed awkwardly. “Come on, you can’t sleep on my toilet. Bedtime,”

“You’re not my type,” You scrunched your nose and leant away from him.

“Ouch way to break my heart Rook,” Steve chuckled, “No, you’re going to your own bed, by yourself,”

“It's so far away!” You whined.

“It's across the hall!” He copied your tone making you laugh.

Steve pulled you up from the toilet and managed to wrangle you across the hall. Half asleep, leaning into Steve before you even got inside the apartment, you fell into bed without protest. Steve pulled off your shoes, throwing them on the ground before stumbling back to his apartment to collapse in his bed.

—

Waking up in your apartment unsure of how you got there, was a strange feeling. What was even stranger was the harsh throbbing on your head. You blindly brought a hand to the sight, recoiling instantly as you touched something sore. You sat up, slowly opening your eyes to the daylight and looked at your reflection in the mirror opposite your bed.

You groaned when you saw the gash on your forehead. Dried blood sat in the creases of your neck, and underside of your jaw as well as being crusted into your hair. You tried to remember how you’d gotten the injury but came up blank. You couldn’t remember anything from the night before. Not unusual for your almost nihilistic habits, but it was concerning given the infliction.

You looked at the clock. 9 am. You’d slept in. Since you were up you decided to clean yourself up. You padded to your bathroom, wincing at the harsh light inside and the grinding sound of the extractor fan. You filled the sink with warm water and gently cleaned the blood from your face with a cloth, only once stopping to throw up into the toilet.

You showered, hot steam help clear your brain fog but not helping the cut on your forehead which now stung immensely. But that wasn’t the feeling you were concentrating on.

A new kind of hunger, one you weren’t yet familiar with had settled in on the back of your tongue. A repeating idea chanting over and over in your head. It had partly been cocaine’s fault you’d got into this mess, but it would get you out of this hangover now.

You remembered you had some in your jacket pocket from the day before, leftover. Once you’d thought about it there was no stopping you. You didn’t have to take it all, you could stop yourself if you wanted. You pulled the tin out from your coat, sit it down on your dressing table while you pulled on some clothes.

You sat back at the dressing-table again once you were done and stared at the box. You’d not done it here more than once or twice. Never by yourself. Something about being at home with it made you feel guilty, possibly because you were surrounded by your friends who also happened to be DEA agents who would kill you if they found the stuff in the building.

You picked up the box, contemplating it. You could get something done if you took it. Wouldn’t have to sit in your hungover state and wallow in self-pity until the headache left. You could go for a walk. Do nice things. Taking the cocaine would bring you nice things, as it always did.

You opened it.

“Morning,” Javier’s voice inside your apartment suddenly startled you, causing you to spill the contents of your box all over your dressing table.

“Fuck,” You swore out loud.

“Okay in there?” You regretted giving him a key. You did not need the interruption. His voice snapped you back to reality. You decided you didn’t have time, or rather not wanting to be caught red-handed, you decided to leave it and greet your surprise guest.

“Good morning,” You said brightly, opening and closing your bedroom door tightly behind you. Javier was standing in the middle of your living room, a book in hand flicking through it. He discarded it back to the coffee table where he’d found it when you appeared.

“Just wanted to check you were alright, you looked rough last night,” Javi said, “that cut looks sore,”

“It stings but it’ll be ok in a few days,” You shrugged. Javi looked at you strangely, “Did you come up here for something?” You asked.

“You don’t remember what today is?” He asked. You frowned and thought for a moment.

“It’s your birthday?” You asked slowly.

“No,”

“It’s my birthday?”

“I don’t know when you’re birthday is,”

“Javi I’ve obviously forgotten please just tell me,” You pleaded.

“Searchblok, you and Steve swapped. Remember?”

“Shit!” You exclaimed. How could you have forgotten?! You scrambled back into your room to get changed, boxer shorts and a hole-ridden t-shirt wouldn’t cut it.

“I should write you up for the mess you were in last night,” He called through the door as you rushed to get dressed, pulling on the nearest jeans on your floor. That’s not the only thing you should write me up for, you thought looking at the cocaine on your dressing table.

“I should write you up for sleeping with hookers,” You said back.

“Nowhere in my contract does it say I can’t! You however have a reckless behaviour clause,” He said. Your heart stopped at that, opening the door quickly to pop your head out.

“Javi-“

“I’m joking Rook, don’t worry!” Javier laughed. You rolled your eyes and shut the door again, pulling on a fresh shirt. A few seconds later you stepped out, buttoning the last of the clasps on your shirt. “I was worried about you but you’re fine so we’ll forget it ever happened,”

“Thanks, Baby,” You grinned at him. Javi rolled his eyes.

“You need to stop that though,”

“You love it,” You teased him. He didn’t reply, turning on his heel and walking out. You hesitated for a moment, glancing back at your bedroom door. The coke was still lined up in there, calling to you. It would only take a few seconds to do it and get rid of your hangover for a few hours.

“Rookie, hurry up!” Javi called you from the hallway, audibly impatient. You decided against it, grabbing your keys and a jacket and running to catch up with him. He was already waiting by the truck by the time you got downstairs. “Did anything interesting happen last night, then?” Javi asked. You tried to think for a moment, you remembered something important had happened, something you’d wanted to tell him last night but you couldn’t remember what. You shrugged.

“Apart from getting this,” You gestured to the injury to your forehead, “I can’t remember. There was something but I don’t know,”

“Can’t have been very important then,” Javi added. You shrugged and shook your head.

“Guess not,”

Next Chapter -->

Finally we’ve come full circle, I am so sad it’s over I have absolutely loved writing this series. Again I want to say a massive thank you to everyone’s that read the series, it means more than you could imagine. I love you all. I’m going to have a cry and make a start on all the other things I’ve been neglecting to write this.

The ending is already written and posted so if you haven’t read it go enjoy :))

tag list: @beskar-falcon @peterssweetpea @beskarbabs @all-hallows-evie @harrys-stan @wille-zarr @danniburgh @rentheisopod @urbankaite2 @whataloadofmalarkey @ahsofka @yeetus-my-feetus @sara-alonso @xiao-lusi @all-good-things-have-an-ending @eternallyvenus @ajeff855 @mayangel19 @1950schick @pedrosmustache @wantingtobekorra @balmasedas @angelsunflxwer @brujademente @kingsmanandqueens @igotissueswithfictionalmen

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crazy-bi-btch · 5 years ago

Text

Exploring ( Sweet Pea X Reader)

Summary: Sweet Pea and Y/n have a dirty secret that can lead to trouble.

Paring: Sweet Pea X Reader

Warning: NSFW, MA, smutttt like alottt, light BDSM

Word count: 5k

A/N: Okay so this was a request from a long time ago and i like how it started so I want to make a second part to it! Hope yall like it!

-Present time-

“ We need to talk!” Cheryl grabbed my arm, pulling me into the nearest empty classroom. I flinched as she pressed on the fresh bruise. Her eyes widened, “ Take the jacket off!”

I sneered, “ Damn, Cheryl— don’t think Toni would like that.” She glared at me and I caved in. That's it. Our secret will be brought out by Ms. Cheryl blossom. I told Sweet Pea, not to leave a noticeable mark. But of course, this is Sweat Pea I’m talking about. Shit. I annoyingly took my serpent coat off and Cheryl’s eyes widened and a small gasp left the poor girl.

Now how the hell do I tell her that the serpent that is the most trouble in the gang is secretly fucking me behind everyone’s back.

“ Jesus! Y/n What the actual—”

“ I can explain.” I rush over to her to coax her from making a big fuss. She was furious. I mean she’s the biggest feminist I know beside Betty and Veronica.

“ Did the ghoulies do this to you! WHO DID THIS! IS THIS THE BOY—” I clamped my hand over her loud ass mouth.

“Shhh!” She mumbled under my mouth and rolled her eyes crossing her arms.

“ No one beat me up! It’s this boy—”

“Is he hurting you because I can send some serpents, his way!” She practically stomped, her frown very visible. I sheepishly remembered every single bruise and mark and how they were made.

“ It’s...a sex...thing” I mumbled avoiding her glare, she clearly couldn’t hear me.

“Huh?” Her arms crossed and an annoyed face pressuring me to spill my truth.

“ God dammit Cheryl I’m having kinky sex..” I whisper-shouted, a blush invading me as I heard myself admit it.

She looked like she was about to faint. “ That-” she pointed wide-eyed, I nodded, pulling the coat over my bruised arms. She turned around, rubbing her temples.

“ With who? And what the hell is wrong with you! It looks so-” I cocked my eyebrow at her

“Painful?”

“ YES!” She exclaimed concerned, I giggled softly.

“ Don’t kink shame me Cheryl Blossom because I know damn well you and Toni go all 50 shades of gray.” She blushed but was ready to counterattack like always.

“ But I don’t bruise her— visibly!” She pointed out again, I sighed and hugged her.

“ Look, I know you’re concerned… but I’m fine... We have a safeword and it's fun!” I reassured her as she hugged back.

“ Okay… I trust you! But I don’t know about him. Who is he?” She asked, furrowing her eyebrows at me. I smirked at her.

“ That’s a secret I’ll never tell..” I giggled and ran out the classroom, but not before hearing her classic groan of annoyance.

-48 hours before-

Saturday. It was finally here! Your phone rang, waking you up from your deep slumber.

“Fuckkk…” I groaned, half asleep as I blindly looked for my annoying phone.” Hello.”

“Hey.” My stomach flipped and my eyes shot open. Sweet Pea.

“ Hey.” I smiled softly as his voice gave me the energy and brightness enough for the day. Then I realized, today is our ‘appointment’.

“ Just decided to call you and let you know I’m excited for today.” The smirk in his voice is practically oozing. I rolled my eyes playfully.

“ Oh really? What is so special today?” I acted coy with a hint of playfulness, his demeanor fell as his voice cracked.

“ Don’t play with me y/n.” He hissed softly into the phone, it sent a shock straight to my core. I bit my lip.

“ Sorry Pea...I can’t meet with you today. I have another meeting with someone else tonight.” I teased, laying back into my pillows like a cliche teenage girl in a teen-drama movie.

He groaned, clearly angry, “ Who the fuck….— In a minute Fangs! I swear to god y/n if your fucking someone else.”

“ Yeah I am….and he takes very good care of me… he’s my daddy..” I edged him even more, the game suddenly starting now. The small sigh and chuckle that he released gave my heart a kick. He was jealous.

“ He sure does huh?” He teased his voice suddenly deeper and lower. “ I have a surprise for you tonight. More like a gift.” Then the background noise became more noticeable.

“ Oh really?” I questioned—suddenly curious, he then changed the subject signaling Fangs and the others were around.

“ Yes, Doug, 6:00pm I know! You and your stupid stash. See you then.” Sweet Pea gloated with laughs of the boys echoing through,” You better pay up a little more than last time.” The last part was definitely for me. Then he hung up.

I squealed in excitement as I tossed and turned in bed. It sucked being friends with benefits, in secret may I add. It’s extremely hard and exhausting, but we knew that. We both found that in sex we weren’t getting what we wanted. We weren’t fulfilled. So on a drunk night as we were the last up in the trailer as everyone else was passed out drunk. We played a stupid game.

Flashback

“ Never have I ever faked an orgasm.” Sweet Pea slurred, laughing at nothing, barely able to sit still.

“ Shhh! Be quiet! Umm… Yes I have!” I stifled a giggle as my finger fell from the rest that were propped up.

“Ohh I want to know!” He teased taking another swing of his beer. I pretended to zip my mouth and throw the key making us laugh.

“ My turn, Never have I ever wanted to try something new in bed.” I giggled like a 13 year old as I slurred it out. Pea shrugged and put his finger down. I exaggerated a gasp pointing at his finger.

“ Sweet Pea is kinky!” I laughed but shushed myself.(Very drunk may I add) “ Me too!” I exclaimed. And we both fell silent as we both stared at our 3 fingers remaining up.

“Never Have I ever wanted to be tied up during sex.” His voice serious and dark. And I was suddenly quiet. 2 fingers were left.

“ Never have I ever wanted her to call me daddy.” I sighed out, praying for him to drop a finger. If not then that would be embarrassing. But his finger fell.

“Never Have I ever wanted to be choked.” His signature smirk came out as he realized his power over me now. I was left with one finger. I gulped.

“ Never Have I ever wanted to fuck my bestfriend.” I croaked out, both of our expressions falling. His finger fell. “ We’re tied.” I sighed as I stared at his lips. He gulped and put his hand down, ending the game. Our eyes say everything. We wanted this….bad.

In an instant we both crawled toward each other meeting in a fiery kiss, breaking the innocent friendship we had and entering a whole new dimension.

End flashback

We snuck around, doing all of our deepest fantasies. We were exploring our sexual fantasies. BDSM, nothing bad with that right? Except that it was ruining our friendships around us. We were lying to them. Making them believe we have suddenly become enemies. That we couldn’t stand each other in public, at times hurting each other's feelings.

My trailer was farther to the sides from our friends trailer which made it easy for Sweet Pea to come to me. Plus, I had to put soundproof padding in my trailer room, my excuse for when friends came over. “I’m working on my singing career from home.” They believed it.

Boys were too afraid to hurt me, or not be hard enough. But Sweet Pea… He lived for that. We fit perfectly.

I finally decided all that overthinking and reminiscing was not gonna keep me as excited. Unless, I looked for the old iphone in my drawer where we kept our...videos. We filmed moments but only on this old phone and it NEVER leaves my drawer. We vowed it was for us but mostly for me when things happen and we can’t meet up.

I logged into it, opening the photos and started looking through all the different videos. One was that one time on Valentine’s day when he got me a new toy. It was cute and simple, but the ribbon that tied the box was long enough for my wrist to tied together also. That night was rough, safeword was used once because he didn’t let me come for the 4th time! The way he degraded and fucked my on camera seemed to always trigger those vivid memories for moments like these.

Just as I was about to pull my pants down and ease my ache, my phone dang—cutting my mood.

SP: Red or Blue?

That was a strange message.

Y/n: Red? Why

SP: you’ll find out ;)

Okay now this was gonna kill me!

I went on with my day cleaning the trailer, taking a shower and shaving, taking my birth control (Sweet pea pays for it and also plan B for just-in-case moments) and finishing any homework I know I will not do tomorrow because I will be too sore to do. It was 4pm and I was feeling bored out of my mind. Usually he comes earlier so we can actually do friend stuff like hang out and watch a movie but today was different. I decided to change into a cute red lace set since he did ask what color I wanted. I did light makeup and curled my hair.

“ Damn, I look fuckable ass fuck.” I commented as I saw my reflection. Some light green on my thighs from the previous week slowly fading. A quick idea popped into my head.It would piss him off, but it would be good to let him know. I took my phone and texted.

Y/n: Wyd?

SP: Doing some serpent stuff, missing me already?

I scoffed at his cocking response.

Y/N: Maybe… Anyone around you??

SP: No...I’m in the truck waiting for them? Why?

I jumped up in excitement and positioned myself by the mirror in the perfect angle to get a glance at everything pretty much. He’s gonna be furious… but I won’t mind. I made sure to send them quickly. Sitting down in anticipation.

Sweet Pea stared at his phone after not getting a response, it made him a little suspicious and antsy for the boys to hurry from the daily drop off service. But when he saw two pictures pop out, his vein by his temple was practically about to pop. She knew the risks. What if he wasn’t alone? They would have seen! And bam no more sex. He locked his phone and honked 4 times and the boys came running out ready to leave.

“ Yoooo Sweet’s what's the rush!” Fangs and the other laughed, he sternly glared at them.

“ I got shit to handle so can we go!” Fangs nodded but stifled a laugh as they drove away.

He didn’t respond! What the hell. He may be too busy. I decided to wear an oversized shirt and walk to the living room where I watched Friends pass the time. Then my phone rang. It was Sweet Pea.

SP: You're in trouble.

My heart raced, I got up and ran to the room making sure to get everything out, lube, handcuffs, ribbon. I sat on the bed leg shaking slightly. Then I heard the familiar steps that led up to my trailer door. His spare key twisted into the lock. Just in time. The butterflies in my stomach flutter all the way down to my thighs and core. He came in taking his boots and coat off. His footsteps coming towards the room. And I froze putting the best puppy eye dog eyes that would not save me. His face was serious, leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed.

“ Hi.” I sheepishly spoke. I took a deep breath.

“ You know what you did was risky, right?” He barked, I got up making my way towards him, but he backed up slightly.

“ I’m sorry.. I thought since you said you were alone...I missed you.” I crossed my arms defeated and looked down at the floor. Maybe what I did was out of line. Fuck this isn’t a relationship where you can send nudes Y/n! These were dick appointments, that's it!

I sighed defeated, “ If you wanna reschedule that’s fine… It was out of line—” I turned away from him only to be yanked up against him.

His hot breath fanning against mine, a bruising hold on both my arms.” Why would I pass up the opportunity to punish you.” Just like that, I was putty in his hands. Like always. He made sure to forcefully take the oversized shirt off throwing it somewhere, to reveal what the photos told him. He watched as I stood flustered, shocked, and blush red. His hot gaze is enough to get me going. He sat at the edge of my bed and pulled out a small box from his leather jacket. It was black. He signed for me to get closer so I did. I towered over him slightly as he handed the box a smirk on his face. I eyed the box suspiciously.

“ Open it.” He urged so I did. My mouth fell open slightly. It was a red butt plug. What the fuck. I looked at him dead in the eyes.

“ I know you said you weren’t ready for anal...but I thought this would help ease us in. Literally.” he chuckled darkly. I was speechless. It was hot, and uncomfortable to think that it would end up...there. I sighed shakily. He caught on to my nervousness.

“ Remember at any time you can stop me.” He reassured, making me smile softly. Besides the sex, he always was my friend never pushing me to do anything I didn’t want. I nodded and took it and placed it by the nightstand where the lube and other stuff were. I walked back easing my way to straddle his lap and take his leather jacket off. Our gaze is soft and friendly for now.

“ I’m sorry again you know.” I sighed my hands working on any knots in his shoulders, his eyes fluttered shut as he relaxed under her. Deep down Sweet pea would be a sub for her if it meant it started with massages.

“ It's fine.” He sighed, seeing him vulnerable for a brief moment made me ache and even more wet than I was. I pushed my body fully up against his, arms draping around his neck. His eye opened to meet my dark ones. My hips grounded down on him, “ I’m ready.” I sighed, that was enough for Pea to grab her hips forcefully gripping them down to make her feel the hard-on she caused.

“ You made me hard in the fucking truck,” He made one of his arm free to hold her chin forcefully to make her stare at him while he spoke. Y/N yelled softly as she tried to keep her eyes from rolling back as he rutted his hips towards her. “ I couldn’t get out of the truck, I had to drop them off.”

“ That was the plan daddy.” I moaned, making him growl in frustration. He pushed me off him, hand in my hair as he yanked me to the mirror where I took the pictures. It was a long full body mirror by my bed. His body flush against my back, one arm still in my hair and the other racking his ringed up fingers against my skin.

“ You’re gonna look at yourself, and learn why you don’t tease me.” His lips on my neck as his finger roughly yanks the lace bra cup down, making me squeal. The electric feeling as his cold finger massaged my breast made me dizzy.

“ Pea…” I sighed rolling my eyes back, head limp against his shoulder. His grip on my hair wakes me from my bliss.

“ Look!” He barked, making my goosebumps jump out, his neck went back to work. His arm slowly going back but skimming down to where I needed him the most. I knew he wasn’t going to give it to me that easy. “ Please...Daddy” I whimpered as he barely grazed the skin on my thighs. He bit harder on my neck as he pushed his leg between my thighs, hand dipping into my core. I let out a shaky gasp as he went straight for my clit.

“Fuck.” I gasped watching as his fingers teasingly moved circles around it. My hand reached to cover his for support, for once he didn’t intervene. And the other reached to his hard on that was covered but prominent against me. Pea couldn’t help but let her touch him, he watched as her hooded eyes watched as he slowly touched her. But the moment her hand gripped his hand he yanked it away and tsked her. He walked away from her taking his shirt off.

I stood stunned and breathless, the ache only growing by the minute. I turned around and followed him by removing the rest of the bra. And pried at his muscular back. Kissing it softly wrapping my arms around him.

“ You just don’t know when to keep your hands to yourself now.” The ribbon in his hands as he turned around. Fuck. With one shove I was on the bed with Pea crawling up to tie my wrists together above my head.

“ C’mon Pea…” I whined as my hips bucked towards him for any friction, fuck was it painful. He smirked down at me.

“ You know that's not how it works right?” I groaned in annoyance. His face came down close to hers as his hands wrapped around her thighs and as pulling her flush against him again.

“ Pea kiss me or so help me—” His mouth was instantly on mine, nothing fluff about it. open , hot kisses as my hips wildly looked for him. His hand suddenly smacked my ass leaving a deep red print.

“ Shit-” I cried against him, his mouth moving against my jaw, his tongue leaving a hot trail down to the valley of my bare breasts. I resisted against the restraints as his ringed fingers and mouth attacked my breast.

“ Your squirming even before I touch you, you're so needy.” He laughed against my skin. I blushed madly arching my back towards him.” Answer.” He hissed, as his hand rubbed hard and rough circles against my clit. I bit my lip trying to talk.

“ Yes..ugh...Daddy..fuckkk” I moaned loudly as his pattern quickened and his finger flicked my nipple. The overstimulation nearly brought me to the edge, he watched me from above how breathlessly I squirmed, threw my head back and clamped my thighs around him. Just as I felt the brink, he pulled away. I whimpered out in pain, feeling empty again. Sweet Pea made sure to leave any mark all over her body avoiding her whimpers and cries for his actions. His fingers plunging into her abruptly, at a vicious pace that made her scream. He made sure to stare right at her as she exchanged glances to his actions and his wicked smile. “ You want hard, rough? That’s what you want right?” he spat gritting his teeth as he felt her wall clench and contract against his fingers.

“ Oh my goddd…. YES!” I screamed staring deep into his evil eyes, “ Daddy harder please!” My head thrashing back as I felt my legs convulse and shake. I wanted to come so bad, and the wet sounds that came out of me were not helping. My fingers were placed on the covers as they remain tied up above me. “ Not yet.” He whispered softly against the shell of my ear as he stopped again. I shivered as my body tried to recover from another withdrawal, eyes shut in pain as my clit throbbed from lack of release.” Please….Please.” Tears at the brim of my eyes, searching into his for a little bit of mercy. He only ignored me and turned me around chest into the mattress and ass up. The lube coming in contact with my asshole sending a jolt up my spine. At this point anything that would give me some pleasure was acceptable. Pea made sure to adjust my wrist and tie them again against my back, and my face on the mattress. He then kissed my head as the tip of the plug made contact with me. I hissed softly as he slowly pushed it in. Surprisingly, It wasn’t as bad as I thought.

I sighed as I felt somewhat full as it sat in me. “ Damn baby.” He mumbled, I could practically picture his face. All flustered and vulnerable at her position and gleaming core.

Not long after his hands held my tied arms in a tight grip as he grinned against me.” mhm.’” one hand constantly smacking my ass till my buttcheek felt numb. I really won’t be able to sit tomorrow. “ You're such a slut begging for me… for this… Can’t even wait till I get home.” He seethed as his rough jeans rubbed perfectly against me and the plug.

I moaned loudly, “ Pea fuck me please! Anything I promise you anything but fuck me please!” I yelled in frustration as I tried wiggling my hips to get any extra friction. He grunted in defeat and practically sighed in relief as I heard his belt unbuckled and the bed suddenly becoming light behind me. I tried looking around to see him, but only his hand made sure to push me further into the mattress. “ You wanted this, so take it!” He roughly shoved himself into me with no warning, a loud gasp ripping through me followed by a choked moan. His size always felt like the first time, painful and blissful at the same time. “ FUCK!” Pea moaned as he steadied his hips as he made sure to feel that moment, being deep in her, ass up, red ribbon around her wrists like a present, shit it was perfect. He pulled out and back in bruisingly fast, hands back on her arms.

“ Shit shit shit!” I screamed out my eyes shut as he hit the right spot constantly but grazed the plug as he pulled out.

“ You look….so gorgeous right now fuck.” He grunted as Pea focused on not coming anytime soon but rather feeling every inch tighten around him. Just for him. Only making his grip on her arms terribly harder. The pain and pleasure as he bruisingly fucked her from behind only made her squeeze her eyes shut, her mouth wide as she felt the familiar knot about to explode.

“ I’m going to cum! Holy shit please Pea let me cum pleaseee!” I begged as Pea made sure to rub hard and fast fingers against her clit.

“ Come on baby, take it, squirt for me baby.” The profanities and the way his voice and body worked around her did just what he asked.

“ Shit shit shit!” I cried out as my legs shook and fluid leaked out around Pea’s finger.

“Fuck.” He growled and made sure to keep fucking her through her orgams, nearing her to the next one.

I screeched softly and huffed as he kept his bruising pace, “ Pea oh my gawd Don’t stop! Fuck me!” Sweet Pea practically came then and their but pulled out to control himself.

“ No, NO!” I cried as my wrist withered to pull him back. Pea shakily sighed, stroking himself softly. He watched as she squirmed and whimpered trying to be set loose. He untied her wrist sending a buzzing feeling of excitement through her as she propped herself only for a second. Pea made sure to pull her around by her hair. “ You really are prettier all tied up, huh.” He teased.

I widened my eyes, “ No! Not again!” I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him into a kiss and flush against my hot skin. The feeling of his skin against her finger pads was heavenly. It was rare to be able to touch him, and when he let her, she loved it. Her mouth on his hungrily as her hips bucked against his hard on. Pea grunted against her mouth, his hands moving from her breast where he quickly pulled on her red nipples and down to her bruised hips. “ You won’t be able to walk for a week baby girl.” He whispered as he teasingly rubbed against my swollen nerve. A weak moan only for a response. He slipped in easily and then faster, digging his mouth onto my neck as I scratched his shoulders. “ Ohhh, Yes….Mmmm” I moaned wrapping my legs around his waist as he pounded so hard into me, practically into the mattress.

Pea made sure to come up to see her face as she practically cried at her second painful release. Seeing her silently watch in awe as her eyes rolled back, it brought him to the edge.

“ Come on cum with me, Come on!” Pea yelled his chin forcing her to look at his furious face, only adding to her orgasm. Pea made sure to keep his pace as she yelled his name and tears ripped through her as she threw her head back. As she saw white, Pea went balls deep and stayed in as he came in her, his groans and moans muffled into her neck. She made sure that with the little bit of energy to wrap her fingers into his damp hair, easing him down from his own high. Pea made sure to pin her arms away from him, scaring her slightly at his abrupt move.

“ I’m not done with you.” He made his way down to her core, instantly going to her almost numb and in pain clit.

I hissed as his lips and tongue wrapped around me. I didn’t have the strength to cum again, I almost wanted to call the safe word just for my sake to rest but the way Sweet Pea looked up at her, in between her thighs. Pea knew exactly how to make her cum and he wanted to see her cum underneath him all over again. “ Shit...Fuck.” My hands grabbed handfuls of the sheets as I rocked my hips against his hot mouth and tongue.

To make matters worse, he purposely groaned and hummed against me, I never felt like cuming so fast in the times being with Pea. Each time he knew her better enough to get her on edge in seconds. His hand made sure to hold down painfully hard on her hips as she chanted his name.

“ Yes...Yes yes yes!” I back arched and watched in awe as his tongue did wonders, followed by his thumb that flicked and rubbed so hard I lost track of time. Pain ripped through my abdomen to my core, ready for a painful orgasm. It was so much. “ Pea! I can’t I-” I cried and sure enough my body cracked under him, fluid squirting out as tears fell out and high pitched moans echoed into the room. Pea pulled himself up to watch her tears stained cheeks, suddenly nervous it was too much. “Hey, Are you okay?” His soft voice made me crane my neck back to see his worried face, with a wet face may I add. I smiled weakly and wiped his cheek with my thumb. “ You are unbelievable Sweet Pea.” He smirked laying next to her as they both sighed.

I was exhausted not wanting to move or speak. Just stare at the ceiling and acknowledge how great her body felt, for now.

“ Wait I have to take something—” His hand pulling my ass to the side, “ Relax, I don’t wanna hurt you.” I scoffed but was cut short by the feeling of the plug coming out. I hissed softly and turned back around on my back.

“ I should get you a bath running before I leave.” Pea said as he kissed my semi wet cheek and got up to find his clothes. I watched as he pulled on his underwear and jeans and disappeared into the bathroom. I was smiling. At him. Here I was catching feelings over something we told ourselves was nothing serious. I pushed myself up to distract myself only to be extremely sore. I tried propping myself up to walk to the bathroom only to fall on my knees in pain. He really fucked me till I couldn't walk. I burst out laughing making Sweet Pea walk back into the room extremely confused.

“ Come help me up weirdo!” He went over to pick her up but just ended up carrying her bridal style. He laughed as she groaned but laughed also.

This was nice, their company and well the sex also. Sweet knew that it was temporary and he reminded himself that everyday. Deep down he was a romantic, and he knew his soulmate was out there. But for now he just wanted to explore himself a little more and who else to help than his best friend. He hated leaving her after, something in him told him to stay, but he was enough of a gentleman to know that staying would only send mixed signals and ruin everything. So he stuck to the plan.

“ Well, I’m gonna head out, and I’m sorry if I went overboard—” Pea flinched as he saw the bruises show up around my arms and legs, the water instantly healing some pain. I sighed sinking deeper into the tub. Pea kneeled next to me, waiting for some goodbye gesture. I looked at him smiling, “ It was great, plus I'll be fine...but,” I held his hand that rested on the side of the tub. “ Can you stay...to hang out?” I watched his reaction change from content to flustered. It’s insane that friendship intimacy was weird to us but seeing each other naked wasn’t.

He coughed and looked at his clock, “ I don’t know—”

I patted his hand, “ Pea it’s fine, it was just and offer.” I casually played it off, waiting for his response even though it did hurt to see him turn me down. He stood up and sighed in defeat. “ How about this. I have to do some stuff to do with fangs for a night delivery, and if everything goes smoothly...I’ll crash with you.” He looked down at my surprised face. He chuckled at my silent response.

“ Oh- Yeah sure! Sounds good.” I cooly said somehow suddenly interested in the bath water.

“ Alright see you later!” I said before leaving entirely with the sound of the door closing, I sat in the water somehow happy but nervous that he easily accepted my offer. I giggled to myself, but was cut short by my sore body.

“ Fuck, this is more painful than my Serpent initiation trial.” I mumbled softly.

Somehow I managed to get out of the bath, with wobbly legs, and into my soft pj pants and tank top. It was 8 pm, my eyes sleepy and my body tired. I laid in the wrinkled up bed, forgetting that someone would be coming back.

#riverdale smut #riverdale southside #riverdale #sweat pea x reader #Cheryl bombshell #smut #southside serpents #request #a03 tags #sweet pea smut

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jebazzled · 4 years ago

Text

it ain’t your muse! (shut up & write, ft. rihanna)

You nerds are always talking about your muse. My muse this, my muse that, I have no muse, my muse went the way of the dinosaurs, if my muse comes out of its burrow and sees its shadow I won’t be able to write for six weeks.

Shut up about your fucking muse!

It is true that you might go through periods where it is hard to find time and energy to write, or negative experiences in a writing community might leave you with anxiety surrounding writing. But by and large, writers block is something you can overcome!

Please, for the love of god, let me help you.

Writing is a muscle, and you’ve got to exercise it if you don’t want it to atrophy.

This tutorial is a bit of tough love about y’all and y’all’s diddly-darn muses, and some advice for snapping yourself out of it!

So here’s the thing about writing, my loves. You have to actually do it.

TERRIBLY inconvenient, I know.

I’m not here to tell you how to manage your work-life balance or how to manage your time. If you’re not writing much because you straight up don’t have time to write much, my advice is simple: pare down on your characters, focus on the plots that matter most to you, and spend some mental health juice on reminding yourself that there isn’t an RP Prom Queen, and even if there were, it’s better not to live or die by that bizarro crown.

But if you’re having trouble writing because of Your Muse... I’m cracking my knuckles.

We’ve all written with folks before - or been that folk before - who need a very specific set of circumstances if they’re going to write: they need time to Pinterest, need to listen to a specific playlist, need to get in the mindset, need the thread to scratch a very specific itch and need all of it to come together before the moon passes out of a waxing gibbous. As a fellow dev ho, I understand the appeal of writing to suit a mood, of vibing to a playlist, of prioritizing the stuff you’re going fucking feral for, of having the stars align while you do the thing. But if you’re like this when you’re writing for other people -

well, you’re making things difficult for both you and your writing partners! We can’t control the external constraints on our time, e.g. work and school, and we can’t always control the nonsense our psychology spins to keep us from writing. But some things are within our control, and by god, if there is any control to be had in the year of Mother Sappho 2021, don’t you want it?

At least some of your writers block is probably dumb as hell. So let’s beat the shit out of that part.

Anyway, if you’re yakking on and on about how your muse demands a bottle of red wine and a scented candle and fairy lights and soft socks and the blood of the servant, willfully given in order to spit out 200 words, or whatever...

it’s not that fucking deep.

Writing is a muscle. It’s like any other muscle: you need to exercise it.

If you’re training for a 5k, you don’t sit on your couch listening to “Eye of the Tiger” until race day. You get your ass off the cushion and pound the pavement. You probably start by alternating walks with short bursts of running. You probably don’t work your way up to actually running 5k at a time for a few weeks. And once you’ve run that first 5k, you don’t go sit on your couch to listen to “Eye of the Tiger” until the next race. You keep running to stay in shape for the next race.

Writing is like that.

What you write does not have to be perfect.

You can work on the post for six weeks and there will still be things you could change. You know what change your writing partner would have appreciated most? If you’d posted it for them three weeks ago. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.

Cut yourself the same slack you cut for your writing partners. Do you yearn to keelhaul them if their reply isn’t worth a National Book Award? No, because you’re not an asshole. They’re also not an asshole. Everyone is reasonable here. Write something that responds to what they gave you and that gives them something to work with. Not every single post has to be capital-I Inspired. ✨

What you write does not have to be a vibe ready for the Goop newsletter.

I was a creative writing major in college, and I was always having to turn stuff in for class that wasn’t exactly what I wanted to work on: a short story set in another country when I just wanted to write a play with puppets, an essay about food when I would rather write one about a weekend drive, etc.

Sometimes, you write what you write when you write it not because it’s getting you hot and bothered but because you’ve owed a reply for A While and you feel bad about keeping someone waiting. It will still be fun, because you chose to do that thread with your character and someone else’s character for a reason, and that reason stands, even if your monkey brain is yearning to play with that slime that makes fart noises when you put it away.

(Pro tip, here: don’t do threads you don’t actually have any interest in writing! It is less awkward to tell someone, “I am not interested in my character weed whacking your character’s lawn” than to waste their time with 10 posts of it before telling them, “I am not interested in my character weed whacking your character’s lawn.”)

The more you write, the easier it is.

Let’s talk about running again. A couple of years ago, I went on a bit of a kick with the running. I ran at least three times a week. I would bring my running shit with me to work so I could run in the park near my office. I would make running dates with friends. I would reward myself with a bagel from my favorite cafe if I did a run. And you know what? Once I got myself past the hurdle of pulling on my running clothes and lacing up my shoes, I enjoyed myself. When I ran 5k without slowing to a walk, I was proud of myself. When I told myself, “let’s do another loop at the park!” and stopped to take a photo of the sunset, I enjoyed myself. I would not have enjoyed myself if I hadn’t hit the goddamn pavement.

Put your ass in your fucking chair. I don’t care if you don’t have the right scented candle. Write 50 words. Right fucking now. I’ll wait.

Write another 50.

Now write another 100.

How long did that take you? Some days, it might take you 90 minutes to write 200 words. But that’s 200 more words than you would have written in 90 minutes of browsing Pinterest waiting for an angel to come down from heaven and write this post for you.

All that bullshit you do to Feed Your Muse? It’s stalling, you idiot.

The more you make yourself write instead of just thinking about writing, the easier it will be to actually fucking write.

I used to sit and stare at posts for hours and hours and hours before submitting them, so worried about the post being good enough. When I moved to a neighborhood with an aboveground train line, I was able to write on my morning commute, and writing every morning - even if only the 200 words I could crank out on mobile in 30 minutes before work - got me out of my weird writers block crutches and security blankets. It didn’t take as much effort to write, anymore. I wrote over 200,000 words in 2019, and over 300,000 words in 2020, when I had barely any commute at all to use on writing. I didn’t magically have endless hours of free time. I just wasn’t wasting my free time pretending that being on Tumblr counted as writing.

Tough love: doled out. And now:

TIPS & TRICKS FOR BEATING “””Writers Block”””

Stop acting like Writers Block is real. It’s not that it’s not real, but by telling yourself that you have Writers Block, you’re making it worse for yourself. You’re making excuses for yourself. I used Writers Block to stall writing my Topics in Creative Writing: Folktales portfolio for 3 months, and you know what happened? I still had to turn in the fucking portfolio, because the person I was writing for didn’t fucking care about my fucking Writers Block. And you know who had to sit her ass in a chair and write 30 pages of folktales in a 24 hour period? Me. It’s almost like my Writers Block was just PROCRASTINATION.

Set a timer. If you’re looking at your list of replies owed and you’re feeling like it might be easier to “do character dev” and “build a playlist” than to write your posts, break the task into smaller pieces. If your server has a sprint bot, use it. If not, set your own timer. Organize your list of threads with the ones you’ve owed replies on the longest at the top. Set your timer for 20 minutes and see how much you can write for the oldest post you owe. Not done? Set the timer for another 20 minutes. Keep setting that timer until that post is done and you can drop it in the tags channel. Now do the same for the second oldest. CRANK! THEM! OUT! If you find that it’s depleting your creative energy, that’s not unusual! When I get to this point in my own posting habits, my oldest replies owed are usually for Albus Dumbledore, a character I write specifically because I hate him. It is often easier to knock out all his posts in one chunk rather than shift voice, so this ends up working out nicely.

Don’t indulge your stupid stalling tactics. Do you typically get sidetracked by Pinterest? Put your phone away and close that tab. Do you get absorbed in lining up the perfect music for writing a post? Write in silence, asshole. Do you need to be in your favorite chair with the right lighting? Go sit on a park bench and write on mobile. It’s nice to write in idealized environments. I rented a treehouse last summer to write 10k on a novel! I get it! But you absolutely can write in other environments, if you have to. And if you can get yourself to write on a dark skin on your iPad at an airport in the Midwest while waiting for a flight - well, shit, think of how much you’ll be able to write on a laptop when your diva ass demands are properly met!

Don’t take on shit you don’t want to write. I fully admit that these tactics feel a bit like homework/chores/a to-do list for what is of course a fun hobby. You know how they say “love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life?” If you don’t take on plots, characters, and threads that don’t have a lick of interest or excitement for you, this shit won’t feel like a hassle.

Hope this whips all you little miscreants (myself included) into shape! Now quit your yapping and start writing.

#rp guides #resources #writing resources #on writing #stop trying to make writers block happen. it's not going to happen.

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tuanhood · 4 years ago

Text

rumor

pairing: kim yugyeom x reader

genre: smut, enemies to lovers au (kind of)

warnings: 18+, public oral sex (female receiving), cursing

word count: 5k+

summary: the bane of your existence, kim yugyeom who has been bothering you consistently for the past 6 months comes to find you in the library, because well... he heard something.

a/n: keeping it going with the smut i GUESS. my russian mother would literally die if she knew i was doing this instead of writing my dissertation. :) this is barely edited but go easy on me OK.

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Here you were. Another Thursday night in the library, endlessly highlighting the printed-out text in front of you. Your eyes shifted towards the other portion of the table you were sat at. It was filled with papers by students from the course you were TAing for and its placement in front of you was another overwhelming reminder of the work you had to accomplish before the weekend. A thought occurred to you that maybe it was worth it to take a break before you really got into grading, but as you glanced at your phone for the first in what felt like hours, you realized there was no time for a break if you wanted to finish everything on time.

It wasn’t always like this, you used to have fun, but as time passed and you went on in your collegiate career, there was more time for work and less time for play. You wanted to say a big fuck you to your friend Mark and his “work hard, play hard” motto, because who the hell could do both equally and not ruin their life?

Just as you were about to text Mark and ask him for 500 words on how his life mantra could be applicable to literally anyone, you heard heavy footsteps coming from somewhere on the floor of the library you occupied and it was almost as if your comfortable atmosphere shifted. As the footsteps grew closer, your body tensed up in preparation for the interruption you felt that you were about to endure.

“Shove it Yugyeom,” you said without looking up at the tall boy. Kim Yugyeom had bothered you so much in the past 6 months that you practically had a sixth sense for whenever he was within distance.

“Dude, why are you so mean to me?”

Sighing, you pinched the bridge of your nose in frustration, “how many times do I have to tell you that just because our moms are friends, doesn’t mean we are.”

He pulled a chair from the table and flipped it with the back facing you, plopping down, his arms folded on the chair’s back. “Okay but the reason I’m here is actually really important.”

Knowing Yugyeom and judging on his insistent tone, you knew it wasn’t actually going to be important. The two of you had known each other most of your lives because of your respective mother’s being lifelong friends. You had always wondered what it must have been like for them, having such a strong bond of friendship that they would make it a pact to have children at the same time and force them into being friends. Unfortunately for them neither of those things really happened – your mother became pregnant with you and it wasn’t until two years later that Yugyeom’s mother followed. However, despite the small age gap, they still tried to manufacture a friendship between the two of you. By the time you were thirteen, they gave up.

For months Yugyeom had been finding you on campus and was constantly bothering you with things that he deemed to be paramount, but instead were things such as “what bedding do you think I should get?” or “hey are you going to your mom’s birthday party? Should we carpool?” Obviously, you would be going to your own mother’s party, so why did he have to ask you? All of his questions, comments or concerns, could easily be discussed over text, but for some reason he had to come find you in person. Every. Single. Time.

At first you blamed it on his age and innocence. He was two years younger than you and his common appearance in your life with things that were “important,” probably had to do with his adjustment to university life. You were the only person he knew, so it was a given that he would come to you with questions or in need of advice. But after 6 months and the large friend group Yugyeom had grown on campus – you knew that had nothing do with it.

Losing your place in your notes, you groaned and looked up at him, realizing as long as he was in your presence you wouldn’t be able to get any work done, “what is it Yugyeom? What could be so important that you had to come bother me yet again.”

You noticed Yugyeom cower back a bit at your annoyed tone, clearly striking some kind of nerve within him and it almost made you feel regretful on how you’ve treated him lately. It was certainly much worse than you had been with him in your childhood.

He clicked his tongue as if signaling that he meant business, “well… I came to ask about a rumor.”

The order of business that brought Yugyeom into your midst today immediately made you let out a snort from your mouth. He still didn’t understand what “important” meant, even after all this time. You especially didn’t pay any mind to what was or wasn’t going on with Yugyeom’s little friends. Rolling your eyes, you picked up your forgotten highlighter and put it back on the page, you predicted that this visit couldn’t last much longer. “I really don’t care about what’s going on with lower classmen.”

“It’s not about anyone in my year… It’s about you.”

You paused, dropping the tool in your hand, once again forgotten, wondering if you had misheard him. Campus was full of hundreds – probably thousands of students more interesting than you. Nothing you’d ever done could be warranted as interesting enough to be circulated throughout campus whether real or not. “Excuse me?”

“I heard a rumor about you.” And a rumor that was widespread enough that it could somehow make it to Yugyeom? You were certain that he had to be mistaken.

His eyes looked around the room. You noticed they wandered to the sheets of paper in front of you, your hands and the shelves of books surrounding the table. He licked his lips before speaking to gain confidence before he continued on, “I want to know if it’s true.”

Usually conversations with Yugyeom contained a lot of back and forth. There was never this much air that left room for thoughtful pauses or awkward silence. It had always been him asking random things or making comments that led to you snapping at him. This time you weren’t really sure what to say. Being so perplexed by the encounter and why he was concerned about a rumor regarding you, left you unsure of how to respond.

“It’s about you and Park Jinyoung. I want to know if it’s true,” Yugyeom bit his bottom lip so hard, you thought he would draw blood.

Blankly, you blinked at him, wondering why anyone would be fixated about you and Jinyoung, “first I kind of have to know what the rumor about the two of us is.”

“Ugh I knew it,” Yugyeom narrowed his eyes at you, and it’s perhaps the first time you’d seen him show any kind of negative emotion. Even after all of your countless ignoring and bitter words towards him in the past, he would always maintain the same bright smile and puppy dog look in his eyes. It was something you actually admired about him.

“Knew what? I didn’t say anything! I’m asking you what you heard. What the rumor is!” You whisper shouted, in an effort to remind yourself that you were in the library after all.

“If it wasn’t true you would have just denied it!” Yugyeom insisted.

Now it was your turn to be angry, through clenched teeth you asked him, “what the fuck is your problem?”

He stood up briskly and the chair shook from his sudden stance, “you fucking Park Jinyoung, that’s my problem.” You widened your eyes at him, especially since you had hadn’t really ever heard Yugyeom curse, “what?”

“People are saying you guys slept together.”

His words caused you to freeze up for a moment, but you felt a need to play it off, to not show your hand. “Yugyeom… Jinyoung and I TA for the same intro Lit class. That’s it. People like to create drama… especially if it’s about their superiors.” The way you defended yourself made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. Ultimately, you had no reason to explain anything to this guy who wasn’t even classified as an acquaintance to you. Kim Yugyeom had no real place in your life. “And why does it matter to you? I can sleep with whoever I want… Not that it’s any of your business or anyone else’s.”

For some reason you found yourself unable to look up at him. It felt different then the times you simply avoided his gaze as a method of ignoring him in the hopes he would leave. This time you felt just nauseous. First you were being defensive with him and now you felt too nervous to look at him? What was wrong with you? “So, it’s true then, huh?”

At his words, you sighed, lifting your eyes up slowly to finally look at him again. For a moment, the thought entered your mind to lie and you had to shake the delusion out of your head. Why lie to him? You had nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed about… and yet why did it cross your mind to be dishonest with Yugyeom, as if to shield him from it? Before you could regretfully change your mind, you responded, “yes, I slept with Jinyoung, but it was literally forever ago. We’re just friends. I don’t understand why it’s even coming up now.”

It surprised you when you noticed his hands had clenched into fists at his side and you tried to conjure up something in your brain that could explain why he cared about this so much. Your heart pained a little from his aggression and you wondered if you were going to start wondering why you care so much about this.

“Why do you care?” You asked, rolling your eyes to put on an act of nonchalance.

“It’s embarrassing!”

“Why the hell is it embarrassing?”

His fists finally unclenched and he threw them down in annoyance at your question, as if you were supposed to be able to read his mind. He answered you as if his reasoning was the most obvious thing in the world, “my friends keep teasing me about it!” You couldn’t help but notice the way he whined at the end of his sentence, like a small child being annoyed about finishing their food.

“Yugyeom… I don’t think I’m following. Why does who I do or don’t sleep with embarrassing for you?”

“Because…” he took a deep breath in as if contemplating whether he should go on and there was a long pause before he continued, “because it’s embarrassing that this is going around about someone I like.”

Shock washed over the features on your face. This was it? This was the reason why he had been acting so ridiculous? You certainly weren’t expecting that. “You have feelings for Jinyoung? I-I’m sorry Yugyeom, but I swear it’s in the past… and if it makes you feel any better it wasn’t even that good of-” He cut you off briskly not wanting to hear where you had been going with the thought.

“No, I don’t like Jinyoung.” He rolled his eyes out of frustration at your lack of understanding.

“Then I don’t know what you’re talk-” this time you cut yourself off when your brain finally caught up to the rest of you. If he didn’t like Jinyoung... that meant he likes the other person in the rumor… and that other person in the rumor was in fact you. Which meant that Yugyeom must like…

“Me? You like me?” Your voice got higher, a nervous habit that continued to grow whenever you were in a stressful situation. A situation you couldn’t easily see the conclusion of.

Judging on Yugyeom’s gaze, one could say that the conversation didn’t faze him – that he was confident even, but as you glanced down, you were met with the fidgeting and shuffling of his feet. “Yeah. I do, so what?”

After all this time and after everything you had said or done to him, he still liked you?

You looked back up to his face and saw the hard and cold exterior he tried to put up between the two of you. He was attempting to make it seem like he didn’t care. That putting his feelings for you out in the open and holding his heart out in front of you was no big deal. You knew from knowing Yugyeom from all these years that this was no simple feat for him. You knew he was probably shaking inside, nervous and afraid of the rejection that he had expected to come from you. He had put on an act, because he thought that’s what you wanted and because he didn’t want to show you his true feelings when the hurt that he knew was coming finally came.

You studied his face for a moment, his features and glimpsed into his eyes that you knew would hold how he really felt.

Yugyeom felt the silence between the two of you get heavier and heavier with every moment that passed. He felt uncomfortable and he just wanted you to tell him what he knew he was probably going to hear from you. “I bet I’m ten times better than Park Jinyoung,” Yugyeom mumbled quietly to himself, clearly not meaning for you to hear it, but hear it you did.

His words shocked you and you felt a nervous flip in your stomach, but the good kind. For some reason you couldn’t help but think back to Mark’s stupid motto as you looked Yugyeom up and down, checking him out. Before you could process what, you were doing, you began to gather all of your things on the table without a word to Yugyeom. When you were finally done you saw the panic in his face as he wondered if you were just going to leave him without a word. Instead you surprised him, placing your backpack in one hand and you grabbed his hand with the other, “follow me.”

He didn’t move and you almost fell back against him at his pull, “where are we going?”

“You’ll see come on,” you rolled your eyes at him and tugged him forward once again towards the stairwell of the library. Both of you climbed the stairs in silence, and you found yourself grateful that he followed you. It was difficult for you to understand what it was about the situation that had you more nervous – that he had come with you or that you were doing this at all.

When you finally reached the fifth floor you led him through various stacks of books and multiple rows of shelves until you were both in the back corner of the floor. You stopped in between two shelves and he glanced around the books surrounding you, “why are we in medieval literature?” he asked.

“Because no one ever comes up here.”

He blinked quickly, not understanding your reasoning for bringing him up multiple flights of stairs to be amongst more dusty books.

“And there are no security cameras up here,” you continued, hoping that something would click for him. If it took him much longer to figure out what you were trying to communicate, you were afraid you might lose your confidence in doing this. You tapped your foot lightly against the ground, “so are you going to show me?”

“Show you what?” He asked completely oblivious. At this point, he was just grateful that you hadn’t kicked his ass after he had confessed to you. He had to be honest with himself, he hadn’t come to find you expecting to tell you about his feelings for you. He thought they had been clear from the beginning, but after the third or fourth time you had reacted negatively to him appearing in your life during these past 6 months, he figured that you would never see it without him explicitly telling you. And judging on how much you seemed to hate him – he had come to the conclusion that he would never tell you. But after hearing about you and Park Jinyoung from his friend Bambam, he couldn’t stop himself from marching to the one place he knew you would be on Thursday night – the library.

Yugyeom had always pictured your reaction if he was to tell you about his feelings for you and it always ended with him having a bloody nose, a new bruise or a pain in his foot after you stomped down on it in anger or disgust. The worst part of this situation was that so far you hadn’t done any of these things and for once he didn’t know what to expect when it came to you, somehow that scared him more than being flat out rejected. Wait… maybe you were bringing him up to the isolated section of the library to do your damage and hit him?

“Jesus fucking Christ Yugyeo-” You cut yourself short when you noticed your hands had involuntarily thrusted towards him, clenching as if you were about to wring his neck and the way your tone shifted to frustration. Exhaling, you relaxed your hands and put them down, rubbing them against your thighs to calm yourself down. You weren’t trying to be your normal self towards Yugyeom, you were trying something… different. Much different.

It seemed to you that the only way you’d be able to get Yugyeom to well… get it was spelling it out for him.

“You said you bet you were ten times better than Jinyoung... so show me.”

Nothing leaves Yugyeom’s mouth in response and he stared at you blankly. Had you read this wrong? Were you embarrassing yourself? At his lack of words, you felt your confidence chip away piece by piece and your face grew hot.

Then everything seemed to fall into place for Yugyeom as his mind begins to compute the words leaving your soft pink lips that he’s wanted to kiss for so long. He noticed the way that your eyes are no longer fixated on him, and instead begin to look over the place nervously, pretending to find the books around the two of you more interesting.

Due to the lack of response from Yugyeom, you’re surprised when you he takes a step closer towards you and you feel his hot breath near you just as your eyes became glued to a text about women’s literature in the Middle Ages.

You looked to his brown eyes which stared at you so deeply you felt as though you’re about to suffocate. Although Yugyeom’s always been much taller than you, you’ve always somehow felt bigger than him – older, wiser and more mature. But for the first time ever, under his hypnotic gaze you felt innocent, small and like all you wanted was for him to take care of you.

As he took another step forward, you took one back until you’re pressed against the bookshelf, unable to take back your decision, but you could feel that deep inside of you that you didn’t want to. Both his hands went to either side above you on the shelf and he looked down at you, a new lustfulness in his eyes that wasn’t there before. “Is this okay?”

Nodding your head, you bit your lip to stop the smile that dared to spread across your face and Yugyeom caught it immediately. He brought his right hand down to your hair and brushed some of the strands out of your face softly, “you know… you don’t have to pretend to be this cold, mean person all the time… If you want to feel something, you should just… feel it.” At his final words his hand moved to a permanent position on your cheek as he leaned down to connect your lips together. At first you remained frozen, but as his left-hand slides from the bookshelf to land comfortably at your waist as if it was always meant to be there, you melted into the kiss. Your lips parted and his tongue slipped into your waiting mouth softly, without rush or urgency and somehow that gentleness alone made you feel like all that existed was that softness and the mixing of your breaths.

The slow, sensual pace that you savored soon began to pick up as Yugyeom deepened the kiss, pushing himself closer to you on the shelf. Your hands that had remained mostly stagnant and at your sides soon began to drift up to run through his hair as if they had a mind on their own. When you first heard him let out a small moan from your tugging on his locks, you felt a fire ignite inside of you that told you that you wanted to hear more. With every tug, Yugyeom’s fingers dug into your hips and soon he let out a sigh of content as his hands moved to rest on your ass. Your lips worked seamlessly together as if it was the missing puzzle piece you never knew you needed.

“Let me show you something else I can do better than Park Jinyoung,” Yugyeom said through a raspy breath, against your lips. His hands squeezed your ass before they moved around to the button on your jeans to undo them. It feels as though he works in slow motion as he pulled down the zipper and moved his hand inside, slipping them over your panties. His lips still on you and his hand in a place where you never thought you would need him; your breath grew heavier and heavier.

Your knees buckled as Yugyeom’s fingers suddenly brushed your clit through the thin cloth and he grinned into the kiss as he wrapped his arms around your waist to hold you up. You tried to focus on the feeling of Yugyeom’s fingers rubbing your through your underwear, but soon he withdraws them. You whimpered at the loss of his fingers against you and he gave you one last soft peck before he disconnected his mouth from yours as well. You missed the contact, wanting to make your lips even more swollen than they probably already were.

Yugyeom chuckled at your needy reaction and he caressed your cheek in a reassuring manner, “don’t worry it’ll be worth it.”

You grew confused, wondering what his next move would be, but as he crouches down onto his knees in front of you, pulling your jeans and underwear down with him it begins to dawn on you. You felt yourself grow more wet at the thought.

“I need to taste you,” he practically whined, “let me clean up the mess I made between your legs.” If Yugyeom had said anything remotely close to that in the past, you know you would have smacked him across the face, but instead you felt yourself involuntarily moan, turned on by his words.

Still leant up against the bookshelf, you spread your legs apart, which was proven difficult with the jeans and underwear around your ankles, but Yugyeom grabbed them in an effort to help you. When you were comfortable and well situated, he settled himself between your parted thighs and grew closer.

First all you felt was his hot breath on your clit and he softly blew to tease you, as if paying you back for all the countless you shrugged him off. When you let out a whimper that sounded a little too desperate, even for your ears, he decided his short-lived teasing was better off short. He took one last look into your eyes before he leaned in without hesitation. His tongue first gave a slow lap as if savoring your taste, and he let out a groan that made you feel more wet than you already were. Soon he began to pick up the pace and he used the way your hips moved against him and the little sighs coming from your mouth to feel what it was that you like and don’t like. When he sealed his mouth around your clit in a soft suck, your hands instinctually went back to his hair to bring him even closer to you.

“How do you taste so good,” he mumbled mostly to himself, followed by a noisy kiss and delving into you further.

A sudden and continuous swirl of his tongue against your clit caused you to let out a loud moan that you couldn’t hold back even with all of the strength in your body. With his lips still attached to your clit and continuing his ministrations, he tapped his fingers on your thighs in an effort to remind you to be quiet. You both may have been in a secluded part of the library, but you were still in the library.

It was when you really looked down at Yugyeom that you felt as though you were going to combust. For some reason to see the younger boy that you had completely written off for most of your life, and especially the last 6 months, with his mouth on your clit with a look of pure satisfaction on his face made you feel closer to your high.

His sudden harsh sucking as if he was a man eating his last meal, caused you to lift your hips off against the book shelf and into his face further.

“Yugyeom…” You moaned out with eyes squeezing themselves shut. Hearing his name fall from your lips in bliss – something he had always wanted and dreamed about – edged him to go even harder and faster, wanting nothing more to see you fall apart before him.

When he slipped two fingers inside of you, pumping them quickly, with his lips still attached to your core, you began to feel dizzy just at the pleasure. He pulled his mouth away for a moment to watch his fingers sink in and out you, pleased to look up and see how overcome you were with the way he was making you feel. You let out another cry when his fingers curled in you, finding your g-spot with ease. When he reattached himself to your clit and his fingers found that spot in you once again, it all became too much and you felt yourself closer to your climax. You tried to push his face away from you, trying to let him know that you were close.

“Cum on my face. I want it, I want it all,” he said muffled against your core at your effort to move him away from you.

At his words and the continual, brutal pace of his tongue and fingers, you felt your hips buck into Yugyeom’s face and yourself clench around his fingers, orgasm washing over you hard. You attempted to keep your moans in, but the feeling you get through out your entire body is too much to contain as you let out a load cry from your release. One of your hands left Yugyeom’s hair to aggressively grip the book shelf behind you, causing a book to fall from the shelf and hit part of Yugyeom’s head and his back on the way down.

“F-Fuck Yugyeom I’m sor-” He shut you up as he continued to lap at your core, letting you ride out your orgasm as if he was in his own world where a book didn’t just fall on him.

After a few moments in your own blissed out state and deep breaths with your head against the book shelf, you looked to see Yugyeom getting up off of his knees. His mouth and jaw glistened from you and if he minded how wet your release was, he didn’t show any sign of it. On his way up to stand before you, he lifted your underwear and jeans up your legs.

He smiled smugly, “not bad for a kid, huh?”

You shyly looked away from him, feeling like the kid.

“Yeah whatever, Kim Yugyeom,” You said rolling your eyes, and he catches the smile that was written across your face. When your eyes met again, he stared at you so deeply with so much fondness that you felt yourself grow weak for the second time in the last few minutes.

Bringing your hand up to gently rest on his cheek, you pulled him in for a kiss, wanting to show him the same pleasure he gave you. He let out a loud groan when your hands reached his jeans in an attempt to unbutton them.

“Um… hello?”

You both froze at the voice and broke apart to look at each other in panic.

“Shit,” you whispered to him.

Yugyeom widened his eyes as if asking you what to do, “don’t look at me!”

“Is uh… someone there? Or… two someones?” The unknown voice called out into the stacks. The sound of the voice made you feel sick. You didn’t know how long they were there or how much they had heard and especially because you were 90% sure you knew the voice.

When Yugyeom looked at you again with fear in his eyes, you realized the roles had been reversed once again and you were back to being the older, wiser one out of the two of you. This time however, his look to you for guidance didn’t annoy you as it had in the past. Instead, you felt your stomach flip and it go straight to your core.

Your eyes wandered to the floor, where you see the piece of literature that fell and hit Yugyeom. Reaching down to grab it, you motioned for Yugyeom to crouch down with you, “okay, on the count of three, you’ll grab my backpack and I’m going to throw this the opposite way. They’ll probably hear it and go look where the noise came from. That’s when we’ll run towards the exit.”

“Why do I have to carry your backpack?” Yugyeom whined.

Rolling your eyes, you answered him, “because a gentleman always carries a lady’s things.” “You just want to be the one who throws the book.”

You shrugged, pretending like he didn’t have you figured out already, “now come on,” both standing back up you nodded at him to signal the beginning of your countdown.

“One…” you whispered, looking back at Yugyeom who licked his lips in anticipation, “two…”

You paused hearing footsteps, “three!” you scream whispered at him as you threw the book in the opposite direction, in one of the book stacks, praying you don’t get seen. At the end of the countdown, Yugyeom grabbed your backpack and your free hand, both of you running towards the exit.

You both practically stumbled down the stairs of the library, unable to contain your laughs as soon as you’re free and on the front steps outside.

When finally caught your breath from the running and laughter, it dawned on you the events that had just taken place and what you actually just did in the library. “Holy shit… I can’t believe we actually did that. That was kinda fucked up wasn’t it? That we did that in there?”

“You said no one goes into the Medieval Lit section!” Yugyeom complained as soon as he’s caught his breath.

You bit your lip and nervously looked at him, “Well for the most part no one really does! There’s only one person I know of that does…”

“Who?”

“Park Jinyoung.”

He let out a snort, “I can’t believe you.”

You shoved Yugyeom lightly, “It’s not like I knew he would show up!” At your words he pulled you towards him and close enough until his mouth brushed your ear, “I bet you wanted him to catch us. You dirty girl.”

With widened eyes and once again turned on by none other than Kim Yugyeom you moved away from him gently and take his hand in yours, “come on.”

“Where are we going?” He asked for the second time of the night.

“My place. I have something I want to show you,” You answered him, attempting to pull him forward again. “Oh and what’s that?” He had a smug smile on his face, clearly wanting to torture you.

“Kim Yugyeom, I swear to God,” you wondered if he was really going to do this to you, “you better come with me so we can finish what we started or I’m starting a rumor about you.”

He pulled your arm until you were back against him, your body flush with his front and you felt his hands go to your ass, “nah I know you wouldn’t do that.”

You pushed your hips against him and he let out a soft groan at the contact against him, his hardness being neglected this entire time, “try me.”

He smirked at you, “fine… let’s go before I fuck you on the steps of the library. Then there’d be a rumor about both of us.”

“If that happened that wouldn’t be a rumor. That would just be fact,” you explained to him, grabbing his hand again.

“So that’s a yes?”

You rolled your eyes at him and smiled. Kim Yugyeom was doing things to you and making you feel things that you couldn’t deny it any longer, “come on Yugyeom.”

“Yes ma’am.”

#got7 fanfic #got7 smut #kim yugyeom #yugyeom smut

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fandom-necromancer · 4 years ago

Text

Obscured by Shadows

Now to the last Halloween short! This was prompted by the wonderful @spacalicious and let me tell you you gave me so much I could have written a full on 60k story about it. I didn’t have as much fun writing a story in a long time. That said, this got long, i’ts a bit over 5k and I’m sorry to those who haven’t got something as long, I hope that’s okay. So enjoy this one!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 | AU: Eldritch being?

Nines had always been determined to figure things out for himself. Maybe it was something he valued because he had never been given a real base programming. He knew his model would eventually be used for the military. But Cyberlife hadn’t been able to do more than basic hardware tests on him before the revolution changed the world. He had been informed his prior series had been finished and given a purpose: The RK200 was a caretaker and the RK800 was working for the police. With nothing much to go off of, RK900 had chosen to keep these purposes in mind while finding his own.

He had applied at the police academy immediately after making this decision. He didn’t want to just download a program from someone. He wanted to build his own unique one. And during his time at the academy, he quickly found he liked the challenge of uncovering mysteries. He enjoyed gathering evidence, puzzling together what had happened based on it and uncovering the truth in between sowed lies. It only took him a few years to make it detective and was proud to be accepted at the fifth precinct of the Detroit police department. The Captain had assigned him to Lieutenant Anderson, the officer that had been there the longest, and Connor, the RK800. He was supposed to learn the ropes from them, and Connor was more than glad to show him around.

His predecessor had decided getting to know his co-workers was the best course of action and one after the next pointed out the different persons to him. ‘Okay, as you came in you must have seen the receptionists. The android is a ST300, she calls herself Steph, and the human one is Elisabeth, but everyone calls her Elly. Then we’ve got Officer Collins over there, this is Hank’s desk and mine and there is Officer Willson’s. On the other side we have Officer Person, Officer Chen and Officer Miller. And you already met the Captain. We are a small group, but that’s because SWAT is right there, if you head out this side. Another RK800 is working there, but I’m not on best terms with him. We tend to evade each other. Doesn’t mean you have to though. I can show you around there tomorrow, for now I’ll show you the cells, interrogation room and the meeting room. Then we can-‘ ‘Excuse me?’ Nines felt bad for interrupting, but his eye had fallen on… on what again? ‘Yes? Sorry, I tend to monologue. How can I help you?’ Connor politely smiled at him, while Nines thought about what he had meant to ask about. Connor had showed him all his co-workers and had went on with- right. He looked around again and kept his eyes on the person Connor missed. ‘Who is he?’, he asked, pointing Connor at the man. ‘Hm? Oh. Oh, that’s just Gavin’, the other android waved him off. ‘Detective Reed I believe. He’s an asshole. I met him briefly before the revolution. That was enough to get a clear picture of him. File him under unimportant and go on with it. It’s not really worth knowing the guy, trust me.’ ‘But I introduced myself to everyone personally after the initial briefing’, Nines argued. ‘I believe I must have forgotten him. I at least want to do that.’ Connor shrugged. ‘Fine, knock yourself out. I’ll wait here for you. I doubt you’ll be long.’

Nines made his way over to the man’s desk and read the plague first. Connor had been right: Detective Gavin Reed. ‘Hello! My name is Nines. I’m a RK900 unit and the new Detective. I’m looking forward to work with you!’ He held out his hand and every other person had accepted it and had some niceties left for him. The human in front of him just stared him up and down and grumbled. ‘Phck off.’ Nines recoiled. ‘Excuse me, I just wanted to be nice. I-‘ ‘And I don’t. Mind your own business and piss off!’ Nines knit his brows but remembered Connor’s words. Maybe this one time he could have relied on someone else’s knowledge.

He had returned to Connor that day and the other RK had shown him the rest of the precinct. After that the days seemed to rush past: Nines helped Hank and Connor with their cases and quickly afterwards he had his first very own case. The other two had helped him solve it, but it still was one he had led and found most of the clues to. After work he was driving from one place to the next looking for a small affordable flat, but so far, he stayed in the mostly unused stasis-booths at the precinct or simply continued working. In his breaks he had chatted with his co-workers and learned quite a lot about them. Collins had a sweet tooth, Wilson was almost religiously obsessed with football, Person was spending a large amount of his pay checks on his sister’s hospital fees but according to him she is getting better, Chen loved tea way too much and Miller could talk on for hours about his daughter and wife. Nines was quite content with his life and his choice to join the DPD. He liked the challenge actual cases brought to the table and was in general well-liked. So why was something constantly nagging at his systems, directing his attention to empty spaces on the opposite wall or just letting him stare into the nothing somewhere in the precinct? Maybe something was just wrong with his systems.

No, there wasn’t anything wrong with his systems. Nines had checked as he had entered stasis that night. But that would mean something in the precinct actually let his sensors misfire. And apparently, he was the only one to notice that strange phenomenon. The RK900 still doubted himself as he stepped down from the platform that morning. All his co-workers were competent and attentive people. They should have noticed it if something weird was going on in the bullpen. And there was still the minimal possibility of his diagnostic routines failing him. He would keep this to himself for now and keep his eyes open.

It took him almost a month to lose his patience. The errors and inconsistencies piled up and so far, almost all of them could be chalked up to the one person no one seemed to care about or even notice. Gavin Reed. The strangest thing was that Nines himself didn’t care much about the human. In fact, he only ended up focussing on the man as the number of things he didn’t know about him became suspicious. He had made a point of knowing as much as possible and appropriate about his co-workers. He had learned that helped a lot with work climate and integration. The occasional donut for Collins, a signed picture of a famous footballer for Wilson’s birthday, spending his break with Tina once to check out a local tea shop: That all was something that had made him likeable and made working a pleasant experience. But with how much he knew of them, how little he knew of Gavin was worrying.

Sure, the man was an asshole. But even assholes had personalities. There had to be at least rumours about him. But whenever he had asked someone, he had been given the same answers: ‘Reed? Yeah, he worked here for some time.’ ‘He’s an asshole, it seems to be worse with androids.’ ‘Pfft… Nah, he keeps to himself, don’t know anything about him.’ So he wasn’t alone with not knowing, he just was alone with worrying about that fact.

One quiet day, he decided to do some personal research into that mystery. Every human was known to the world in some way or another. Date of birth. Date of graduation. Date of Employment. Criminal record. Won some small prize in the lottery. An Address. Anything. And that was when things got truly confusing. He looked over at the man and felt how his eyes suddenly darted away to movement that he had thought to see at the edge of his vision. He never managed to look at the human for longer than a few minutes. Something was seriously wrong.

‘Connor? Can I speak with you for a moment? In private?’ Connor looked up from his work, then to the clock. He shrugged. ‘Sure. I can take my break early. What can I help you with?’ They left the precinct through the back entrance to have some privacy and Nines began with a sigh. ‘It’s about Gavin.’ ‘Did he do anything to you? Did he harm you?’ ‘No!’, Nines quickly said. ‘No, he didn’t do anything. But he is weird. I… I did some research and…’ ‘Wait. You “did some research”? What are you talking about?’ Nines held his hands up to calm him. ‘Connor, please listen to me, it will all make sense in a minute. How much do you know about Reed?’ ‘Nothing much, he’s an asshole. Otherwise he keeps to himself. Worked here for a long time.’ ‘How long?’ ‘How should I know?’ ‘How long did Person work here?’ ‘For twelve years, exactly a month from now.’ Nines stared at him triumphantly.

‘Hey, I haven’t looked into his file, okay? Never even talked to him. That doesn’t mean anything.’ ‘Well, I looked into it’, Nines picked up where Connor left off. ‘He doesn’t even work here. Officially. There is no file in the systems for his person, his name is only listed as being employed by the city. There is a birth year at least, but no school. No educational record, no graduation paper. Nothing. There is an address, but the place had been towed down ages ago.’ ‘Maybe he forgot to update it. Or Fowler knows and hadn’t updated his new address yet.’ ‘And the missing documents?’, Nines tried to convince him. ‘What about those?’ ‘Humans can be sloppy sometimes. Especially with bureaucracy.’ ‘May I remind you the entire HR department is run by androids by now?’, Nines threw his final punch. ‘It’s quite funny when you think about it.’ Connor held his head as if he had forgotten he couldn’t get headaches. ‘Nines, you are paranoid. The guy really isn’t that important.’

But Nines didn’t let himself be shut down. ‘There is more actually. Chris complained about the coffee being empty, right? That was yesterday, a Thursday. Correct?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘And I personally restocked Monday the week before! Tina drinks tea, Chris can’t drink too much or his stomach acts up. With the regular caffeine intake of the rest of them, it shouldn’t be depleted yet.’ ‘So?’ ‘Someone drinks an unhealthy amount of coffee, I would even dare say it would kill a human or at least leave them with serious health issues. And only Gavin is left if you keep an eye out.’ Connor sighed: ‘Or someone dropped the package, spilled half of it and cleaned up the mess into the bin.’ ‘Okay, then how do you explain this: Reed is always here when someone arrives. No matter how early I rise from stasis, he is already there. As if he never left. And then sometimes he spends entire days away and no one bothers!’ ‘Vacations and overtime are a thing.’ Nines shook his head. ‘There is no car standing in the parking lot that belongs to him, I looked after everyone was gone. Yet, there is a key to a car on his desk.’ ‘Maybe he parks somewhere else, because he likes to go on a walk after a long day of sitting around.’ ‘Connor!’ ‘No, Nines, you are paranoid. That’s all. You should slow down maybe. Or take some days off. The man is just your regular asshole who is decent enough to be professional and do his job. And that’s all.’

Nines was desperate. He had thought that at least if pointed to it, the other RK would notice. ‘Then what about the fact that I have never seen him eat something once? And he keeps framed pictures of his cats, but he has no cat hairs on himself!’ ‘Nines, please, you need to calm down. If I didn’t know it any better, I’d say you are stalking him. Please stop. Believe me when I say Reed is as unimportant as someone could be. You are certain of the way things seem to be and now you search for evidence to prove your point. But we are detectives. We find evidence and conclude.’ He took a deep breath. ‘I worry for you. Please, take a break from work. How is your house-hunting?’ ‘Haven’t found a flat yet.’ ‘Do you want to live with Hank and me? We could make room for you for a few days. You need to get out of here.’ Nines deflated as he saw he couldn’t win. ‘That’s nice of you, Connor. But I guess I’ll just think about what you said and try to get back to work.’

In truth Nines didn’t think about anything Connor had told him. If anything, his words had only made it clearer to him that something is wrong. He had to take matters into his own hands.

Gavin startled as a coffee cup was put on his desk with an audible thump. He looked up. ‘Hello, I’m Nines. I already introduced myself but we never really talked.’ Gavin stared at the nosey android and frowned. ‘And I already told you to phck off. Nothing has changed since then.’ ‘No need to be so aggressive, Detective. I always see you working. I believe I never actually saw you taking a break.’ ‘Well, I like work and I’d like to get back to it, tin-can.’ ‘Tin-can? Oh, that’s a new one’, the android answered and smiled at him. Goddamnit. ‘Listen, I don’t know what you are on about, but I don’t want to talk. I’ll say it one last time: Phck off!’ This… Nines… pouted at him. ‘Come on, I got you a coffee, the least you could do is answer me one question!’ Gavin sighed and leaned back. ‘Fine. One question. And then you’ll go!’ He hoped his form didn’t show how nervous he was.

‘What do you like?’ Compared to everything he had expected that was quite harmless and caught him off-guard. ‘What?’ The android continued to grin at him. ‘What do you like? Food, hobbies, doesn’t matter.’ ‘Oh, okay, err… I like cats. And… Coffee.’ ‘Are those yours?’, the android asked pointing at the framed pictures. ‘Hey, you said one question, then you’d be leaving me alone!’ The android lifted his hands. ‘Alright, fine. I’m leaving. Was nice talking to you!’

Gavin couldn’t help looking after the machine that was leaving now. Damn nosy androids would be his downfall someday. He turned back to his work, the smell of coffee distracting him. He glanced over to it and finally succumbed to taking and drinking it. He wasn’t ashamed by the fact that he was addicted to it ever since he first tried it in the 15th century. It was one of the pleasant experiences of his existence. He had lived on this world for eons now, maybe he had been around right from the start. But you could only spend so many billion years until you got bored and wanted to try something new. He had lived among humans ever since a massive migration to a continent a large part of the world never even knew about. It was easy to fit in when no one asked where you came from and everyone was eager to start a new life. And Gavin fit in nicely. He sowed enough information to saturate most and those who wanted more he used his powers on to become totally ordinary. So ordinary that most didn’t even notice him. He was living a peaceful life, working on farms, later with railroads and the industry. He liked the concept of lifetimes to justify changing from one job to another and discovering new interesting ways to fake being human. This lifetime he had decided to spend just relaxing. He played the average human that made it Detective and since then worked away solving mysteries and cuddling with cats when coming home.

He couldn’t have known this would be the time humanity decided to change once again. They decided to design machines, androids. They looked human but were designed to obey. Why exactly was it that humanity wished for some kind of slavery every few hundred years? He didn’t care for it too much as they were just machines. Sure, his powers didn’t work on them like they did with humans, but as he was seen as one of them, he could just order the androids to go away and leave him alone. And then deviancy happened. Humans had tried perfecting them so much, they accidentally created life. Gavin knowing humans had decided to wait it out. Too easy he could fake his death and return to his normal existence. But he had been living within them in peace successfully so far. He really didn’t want to change that. So, he waited. Waited until the revolution happened. And too his distress, the androids won.

Ever since he had tried to move on the streets as little as necessary. He spent almost all of his days in the precinct where he was safe from them minus Connor. And the bot he could easily get rid of by changing his attitude to grumpy and abrasive. He thought it might work out. But this new android was a pain in the ass. Nosey as hell and apparently determined to get to know him. Well, someday his luck had to run out and it seemed the time had come.

He spent his remaining day at his terminal, until he felt eyes on him again. He tried to subtly look up and met the damned android’s cheeky grin as he entered the stasis booth. The machine even gave him a little wave. Gavin felt his powers bristling underneath his skin, warning him he had been spotted, but with grit teeth he forced them down. Phck, he needed to relax. He switched off his terminal and headed outside. He hurried through the streets until he finally found an empty back alley without CCTV. It really had been easier in the olden times. Quietly he let go of the charade and got rid of his fake skin. Finally, he could stretch and brush against corners, making natural shadows more refined and let them stretch to take him. Oh, he had missed that feeling. Excitement bubbled inside him as he scaled the city, slithering from one shadow to the next through the narrow spaces in brickwork and underground where there was no connecting darkness to act as a convenient passageway. More than once androids looked towards him, but he just hurried away before they could investigate. Damn machines.

He finally made it home, faster than any car or train could and let himself inside through the letter box. Only then he reformed his human appearance and got to his knees, greeting his cats with maybe one or two arms too many. Not that they would care, they just wanted their pets. Gavin sighed, the fluffy fur under his hands just the perfect way to destress from a long day. He fed them and switched on his stereo to blast music as loud as the cats would allow. He had more than enough time to settle everything with the nosey android. He would be fine.

‘You forgot your keys yesterday!’, he was greeted as he walked into the bullpen. He could only frown at the android standing beside his desk, dangling them from one finger. Gavin saw red and pulled them from the man, maybe having moved a little too fast for a human. ‘Give them back!’ He looked down on them and carefully put them down in their usual spot. ‘How did you come home then? You couldn’t drive with your car.’ ‘I don’t have one, phck off!’, Gavin shouted. ‘Then why do you have keys?’

Phck. He felt his powers acting up, but it only managed to avert the human gazes from the disturbance. The android didn’t bulge. Shit. A human explanation, quick. Oh, right, parents were a thing! ‘They are my dad’s, he… He died in a car crash. They are the only thing I’ve got left of him.’ It technically wasn’t even a lie. Nowadays he often faked his death so he could inherit his own belongings and one of them had indeed been a car crash. ‘Oh. I’m sorry.’ The android really looked like he meant it. ‘I didn’t mean to pry.’ ‘Well then go and-‘ ‘Can I make it up to you?’ Oh phck no… ‘There is a cat café that just recently opened up. I thought-‘ ‘What is a cat café?’, Gavin asked, momentarily forgetting he wanted the android gone. ‘Oh, it’s a regular café, but cats are roaming around. I thought you’d like it.’ ‘I… That does sound interesting.’ ‘It’s a deal then! I’m looking forward to it!’ ‘No, I-‘ But the android had already left. Gavin let his shoulders fall. It wouldn’t hurt playing human for a break, right? He had done so before. Sure, it broke his rule of never mingling too close with humanity, but it couldn’t really go wrong, right?’

It was awkward at first. They had entered and sat down on two comfy chairs and didn’t manage to speak a word until the waiter came. They ordered their drinks and it returned to the uncomfortable silence. Until one of the cats decided to jump onto Gavin’s lap. The android had laughed at his surprised face and Gavin had begun to pet her. ‘You are good with cats’, he commented. ‘Yeah, I love them’, Gavin answered. ‘Just… calms you down I guess.’ ‘I never got to pet one.’ ‘Really?’ Gavin could understand that human lives were short and that not everyone had the pleasure of strolling along the streets of early civilisations and pet every fluffy beast in existence, but it did surprise him. ‘You really have to!’

The android looked around and tried to get the attention of one of the cats wandering about. The look of pure wonder on the android’s face as the cat headbutted his hand for the first time touched something in Gavin and he chuckled. The android looked back up while still petting the cat and smiled back. Only as the cat decided they had enough did the android return to the table. ‘I really wonder why everyone was so sure about you being an asshole’, Nines began talking. ‘I mean, I don’t really know you yet, but you are nice company.’ ‘I tend to keep to myself’, Gavin muttered, looking down on the cat that still hadn’t moved and curled herself up on his legs. ‘Made some bad experiences I guess.’ ‘I think we should do this more often’, the android said. As much as Gavin wanted to, he couldn’t bring himself to truly disagree.

They met a few times afterwards. They often spent their breaks together in the café and with time Gavin thought that maybe he didn’t have to isolate himself all the time. But he always shut these thoughts down and thought of the android as an exception. One evening Nines had insisted to come over and see Gavin’s cats, what had brought Gavin into the zugzwang to explain some of the by now ancient things he had collected over the years. ‘I’m interested in history’, he bluffed. ‘Archaeology is a pet peeve of mine. So I tend to collect.’ Surprisingly, the android had bought it and instead admired his “collection”. It had ended in multiple visits to museums and exhibitions. Not that Gavin really minded. It was a fun distraction and his lie about being a history enthusiast wasn’t that far fetched when he could tell a few first-hand stories from when he had been there himself.

It was about a month later that they had come back from one of these exhibition trips and the android had dropped him off at his apartment. The android had hugged him goodbye, something he would never get tired of, and was about to go. ‘Are you going back to the precinct?’, he blurted out out of nowhere. ‘Yes’, Nines had answered. ‘Detroit’s housing market is awful. Haven’t got a flat yet.’ ‘Do you want to… I mean you could stay here if you want to.’ The android had stared at him wide eyed and Gavin started to regret his impromptu decision until Nines threw him a smile and nodded politely. That evening Gavin ended up on the couch next to Nines watching TV until the android appeared to have entered stasis. In the silence that followed, he began to think about his life choices. What was he doing? He was an eldritch shadow being from the dawn of time. Nines was an android he had no power over. And something was clearly growing between them. It was evident in the way Nines had snuggled up next to him, the cats all over them. This couldn’t work. What if Nines found out? What if he would rat him out to anyone? Humans he could fool, but androids would be able to follow him to the end of the world. He had made a huge mistake.

And still: listening to the hum of the android’s thirium pump he couldn’t find to regret it. Quite the opposite was the case.

The next morning was filled with more excuses. Why didn’t he have a kitchen? Why didn’t he have any food at home? Gavin had mumbled something about always getting something at the food trucks and stressed they would be late. Apparently, Nines took that information with only a sigh, too. One Catastrophe evaded.

Off to face the next one: As they entered the precinct together, Gavin froze as he found his desk occupied. By Connor. And the other android was staring at them with determination. ‘You two. Interrogation room. Now.’ Gavin was about to protest, so did Nines, but the other RK stopped them: ‘I said now!’ So, they trotted over, and Gavin knew he had phcked up. He had set up these rules for a reason. How could he think he could start a relationship with an android would somehow work out?

‘Nines, I believe you now.’ Nines frowned in return as they entered and exchanged a look with Gavin. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘What you told me about him. It’s true! It’s like he isn’t even existing! And everything you told me was true! There are so many discrepancies with him that something has to be wrong.’ Gavin felt panic creeping in. What? What had these two androids talked about? What had he missed? ‘No, Connor, you were right’, Nines disagreed. ‘There is a logical explanation for everything. I was just paranoid, as you said. I just knew nothing about him because I never even spoke with him.’ ‘Oh and now suddenly everything is perfect? What are these explanations then?’ Nines sighed. ‘What do you want to hear from me?’ ‘The keys?’ ‘Memorabilia of his deceased father.’ ‘The cat hairs?’ ‘Either I must have missed something or he had just washed his clothes. Scan Gavin now and you’ll see a bunch of cat hairs.’ ‘What the hell are you two talking about?’, Gavin asked. ‘You are hiding something!’, Connor growled his way. ‘And I won’t rest until I know what it is!’ Gavin took an instinctive step back. Oh no… ‘Connor’, Nines directed the other RK’s attention back to him. ‘I spent the last months with him. He really isn’t as bad as you think and he clearly isn’t hiding anything.’ ‘Oh, is that so? Have you seen his home then?’

Nines puffed out his chest. ‘I have, actually. In great detail.’ He challenged Connor by staring him in the eyes. ‘Wait what?’ That had caught Connor off-guard at least. ‘You two… You aren’t… No.’ ‘Yes’, Nines grinned. ‘And you should trust the android with the more advanced analysis tools that he is as normal as a human can be.’ Connor was left just standing there, staring. ‘I… I’m not convinced, just so you know. But I trust you. Just know that I’ll be keeping an eye on you!’ ‘That’s only fair’, Nines commented, but Connor was already storming out of the room.

For a while no one moved. ‘Should we go back to the-‘, Gavin started, but was interrupted: ‘No.’ Nines pushed himself off the table and leaned against it. ‘The cams are deactivated, and the observation room is empty. No one else can hear us. I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier.’ ‘What should you have told me earlier?’, Gavin asked carefully. ‘I had suspicions about you. That’s why I initially wanted to get to know you better. I pretended everything was alright so you could tell me once you were ready. But I guess now is a good a time as ever: What are you, Gavin? Who are you? The things you own are legitimately old. A collection like this would be priceless, you could sell it for millions. Most of it belongs in a museum. And you don’t even really exist on paper. I couldn’t find your name in any hospital archives from the day you were supposed to be born and you never went to a school. Please, I need to know.’

Gavin sighed deeply and sat down. Should he tell him? Well, he had to. But what then? He guessed a prison to hold him would have yet to be built. And he could always move to another city after faking yet another death. But he didn’t want to lose this. This lifetime was meant to be relaxing and hell, with Nines he had been the most relaxed he had been for centuries. Well, he had to hope for the best. ‘No one can see us?’ ‘No one.’ ‘And no one can hear us?’ ‘Everything said here will remain between us.’ ‘You have to promise not to tell anyone.’ ‘I will as long as my duty as a police officer doesn’t call for it.’

Gavin took a deep breath. So far so good. But promises could be empty and who knew what the duty of a police officer entailed these days. But he knew he was only buying time. And so he began: ‘I am a being that has been around since the dawn of time. I am made of shadows, some worshipped me as the shadows themselves. I don’t even know if that’s true. I’ve been around for a while until I finally decided to try living as a human for a while. And it worked! I was a peaceful part of society since… Well, I took a few breaks but more or less since the 600s? It is hard pretending to be a human if you are immortal, so I travelled a lot and faked papers as much as I could. I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, I like coffee and cats. The keys are from my first ever car, but I hate driving, so I got rid of it by crashing it one day.’ Nines stared at him dumbfounded. ‘I think I need proof, I can’t believe this.’ Gavin sighed and looked at the table. ‘Please, don’t freak out’, he warned, before transforming into his true form. Suddenly half the room was swallowed by darkness and Gavin showed off a bit by extending a few tendrils of shadow towards Nines. The android looked shocked at first, then bewildered and then fascinated. Nines even stepped closer. ‘You won’t hurt me, right?’ ‘I never hurt anyone’, Gavin answered, his voice coming somewhere from his centre that was still hovering over the chair. Nines extended an arm and tried to touch Gavin, who chuckled. His only feature was to consume light, he literally was the personification of the absence of light. What a dork, trying to touch that. For some reason that seemed to disappoint the android and Gavin made an effort reforming his body partially while still keeping his real self exposed.

‘And?’, Gavin asked. ‘What does this mean now?’ Nines was still staring at him. ‘You are beautiful.’ Gavin laughed, but took the android’s hand lovingly. ‘If you say so.’ ‘How did you keep this a secret for so long? Is that why you aren’t noticeable by most? I have so many questions, I-‘ ‘I would say, I explain everything to you at my home where we are safe’, Gavin offered. ‘I want to know what it means first. For us. Does it change anything?’

Nines smiled and came closer. ‘Only that I don’t have to worry about your human lifespan’, he smirked. ‘And that we can spend an eternity forever.’ Gavin sighed in relief and relaxed completely. ‘You don’t know how much that means to me.’ ‘I think I get the gist of it’, Nines shrugged and dove in for a kiss that left Gavin completely unprepared. But he had always been quick to adapt.

It took them a while to get out of that interrogation room, but thanks to Gavin’s powers no one but Connor noticed. Nines just threw him a cocky smile while making a point of sitting down on the free table opposite of Gavin’s.

Maybe Gavin Reed was a man made of shadows. It didn’t change the fact that Nines was completely engulfed in his gloom.

#detroit become human #dbh #Reed900 #RK900 #Gavin Reed #eldritch being!Gavin Reed #Gavin Reed is a shadow person #Holy shit I had fun with this #I had so much more I could have written but it is already far too long for this blog #wonderful idea #I'm a fan #sorry for taking this long #Also holy shit that last sentence of yours was so damn poetic I had to steal it!

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honeyhan-123 · 5 years ago

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The Long Way Home

Summary: Keen to take your relationship with Peter to the next level, you take advantage the long car ride home.

Warnings: OF AGE PETER, hand job and oral sex (male receiving)

Word Count: 2.1k

AN: this was written for the incredible and lovely @sunmoonandbucky for her 5k writing challenge, I had a lot of fun with it. It is also the child of a gif the former @sovietghoststories (now @dirtychocolatechai) posted of Peter (around four months ago) which inspired the scene. Sorry it took me so long! Also if there’s any formatting issues blame my phone, I’ll fix it as soon as I get back to my computer later this week.

My Masterlist

Your panties were soaked, clinging to your skin as you stood in the elevator, desperate for it to release you to the cool night air. Peter stood beside you, perfectly at ease, a smile on his face as if he hadn’t been teasing you the entire night.

Every now and then as you sat through the painfully long movie night at the Tower, his fingers had brushed against you, soft and gentle, absentmindedly, driving you insane. You wanted his touch, craved it even. You hadn’t been dating that long, barely three months and the fact that he had felt comfortable enough to introduce you to the rest of the Avengers meant a lot, but three months was a long time for a girl to hold out for.

You loved him and totally understood that he wasn’t the most sexually experienced - he refused to talk about it, blushing a deep scarlet before making up some excuse about needing to leave right away whenever you brought it up, so you kind of figured he was embarrassed to still be a virgin.

You knew that he was all too well aware of the fact you had had boyfriends before him and just how far you had gone with each of them and you longed to comfort him, make him realise that you didn’t care how far he had gone. You only cared about him, and your future together, both sexually and emotionally.

You wanted to wait until he was ready but you knew he needed a push, some form of reassurance from you, that this was what you wanted irregardless of his past, and as he opened the car door for you, an idea popped into your head, a way to get what you wanted and also to get back at him for teasing you all night long.

He started the car, pulling out of the underground garage and you waited until you reached the first red light before putting your plan in action. Casually, you leaned across the seat, placing your hand on his thigh as you spoke, giving it a gentle squeeze. ‘Thank you so much for inviting me over tonight Pete. I had such a great time with you.’

You didn’t fail to notice the way his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, his eyes fluttering down to your hand, pausing before he replied. ‘Uh yeah. I’m glad you had a nice time.’

You smiled at him. ‘No Pete, I had a great time. I’m so thankful to you for giving it to me.’ You knew you were laying it on thick, the bedroom eyes that never failed to work on your previous boyfriends accompanying your words. You also knew that this was the only way to get him where you wanted him.

Your thumb started swirling, drawing invisible patterns on the rough denim of his jeans, his eyes following your movements.

‘Uh Pete?’

‘Y-yeah Babe?’ His voice was slightly hoarse and you smiled, he was so easy to rile up.

You pointed straight ahead, out of the car. ‘The light’s green.’

Your words shook him from his reverie as his head swiveled back to the lights, only just comprehending what you had said. ‘Right yeah. The light’s green. Green means I go.’ Even in the darkness you could see the blush that crept up along his cheeks and down past the collar of his shirt. You longed to find out just how far down it went.

Because you didn’t exactly want to get into a car crash on the way home, you kept the teasing light, taking your time to slowly inch your hand up his thigh, relishing in the gradual build of a bulge between his legs.

Far too soon for your liking, Peter pulled into the underground garage of your apartment block. You wished that you could invite him upstairs, yet you doubted your parents would approve of the activities you had planned. Mentally, you cursed yourself for still living at home during college, if only you had a place of your own. Instead, you unbuckled your seatbelt and turned to face him in earnest, keeping one hand on his thigh as you unbuckled his seatbelt and your other creeping up his button down shirt to wrap around his neck, pulling him to you.

Your lips met and your fingers curled in his hair as his tongue invaded your mouth, massaging your own. You moaned into his kiss, your thighs rubbing together desperate for some friction as you pulled away slightly, looking into his lust blown eyes.

‘Do you trust me Pete?’

‘Yeah, of course I do babe.’ His voice was slightly breathless, his eyes flickering between yours and your lips every few seconds.

‘Good, I want to try something, if that’s okay with you?’ You smirked as he nodded, pulling him back in for another kiss as your hand below moved up his thigh, covering his bulge with your palm.

You relished in the soft moan that poured into your mouth from him as you rubbed him through his jeans, getting him even harder before brushing your fingertips against the smooth leather of his belt. Pulling away once more, you kept your eyes on his as the clink of his belt coming undone filled the silence, his fly following soon after.

Peter stopped breathing as you reached your hand underneath his boxers, coming to rest against his hot flesh, giving him a chance to pull away. When he didn’t, you spread your hand, gripping his length as best you could and moved your hand up and down along him.

‘Oh god… babe… fuck.’ His eyes closed on their own accord, his head lolling down as you pumped him, your lips against his cheek, trailing soft butterfly kisses over every exposed surface of his skin, coming to a stop at his ear.

‘Does that feel good Peter?’ Your voice was unlike anything Peter had ever heard, so flirty, so seductive, so illicit.

‘Yes, god yes babe. Feels so fucking good.’ Your lips met once more your tongue tracing the soft pink flesh, pulling on it slightly between your teeth.

‘Do you want it to feel even better babe?’ Peter’s simple uh huh was enough confirmation for you as you released him, moving both hands to his hips where his jeans hung. ‘I need to take these off Peter, just raise your hips a little for me.’ You saw the bob of his Adam’s apple once more before he complied like a docile child, allowing you to push the rough denim and cotton down his legs to where they pooled at his knees.

The slick in your panties doubled at the sight before you. His thick cock, standing rigid against his covered abdomen, the tip angry and red, desperate for more. Gripping him properly now, you stroked him hard and fast, flicking your thumb over his tip, collecting the drops of precum and smearing them along his shaft.

With one last glance at his face, now resting against his headrest, his jaw slack and moans tumbling freely from his lips, you bent down, moving your legs underneath your body. Your hand never faltered as your brushed your lips against him, your tongue swiping at his tip. You felt him straighten in his seat as you did this, his hands raising to his hair to give you more room. Slowly, you opened your mouth, trying to gather as much saliva as you could before guiding him inside.

He was thick and much longer than any of those other boys you had tried this with before and so, before you even got halfway down him you could feel your throat constricting, trying to push him out. Taking a deep breath, and trying to relax as much as possible, you continued lowering your mouth, pushing yourself to your limit as your nose finally met his pelvis, buried in the thick curls of his pubic hair.

The groan that he gave was your reward for your effort, the tangling of his fingers in your hair as you worked him was a gold medal. ‘Fuck, babe, god… I can’t… you feel so fucking good.’ His whines seemed to echo in the silence with his laboured breaths, his confidence slowly growing as he started to move your head, pushing and pulling you up and down his length. Your insides were glowing as he took more and more control, eventually thrusting his hips up into your mouth as you hollowed your cheeks and swirled your tongue against the bulging vein on his underside.

You ignored the middle console digging into your stomach, the growing pain in your jaw as you struggled to take him all, too in awe of the sounds of him losing control to pay attention to the discomfort. His groans grew in volume as your head started getting slightly dizzy, he had already surpassed your longest ex by a long shot.

‘Fuck babe… I’m gonna… I’m gonna fucking cum…’ With a renewed sense of purpose you glided down him faster, sucking him harder, trying to push him over the edge. You felt one hand tighten in your hair, pushing you all the way down as his thighs tensed underneath you, giving you a moments notice before he filled your mouth.

You struggled to breathe, trying to swallow everything he had given you with your lips still wrapped around him. When his fingers released your hair, you finally pulled back, a trail of saliva and cum connecting your lips to his softening cock.

Your eyes roved his body as you wiped at your lips, swallowing the last few drops of him. His head was thrown back against the headrest, his eyes still screwed shut as his breaths slowly calmed down, one arm still around your shoulders, resting at the back of your neck, the other held a vice like grip on the steering wheel, the once smooth leather covering split beneath his fingers, revealing the crumpled metal and wires inside.

Slowly his eyes peeled open, his grip on the wheel releasing. A single word coming from his mouth. ‘Fuck.’

You couldn’t help but laugh your smile glowing in the dark interior. He pulled you back to him, kissing you softly, like you were precious china that could easily break underneath him. ‘I love you, so fucking much. And not just because of what you just did, but literally everything about you.’ Your lips curled against his, whispering your love back to him.

The moment was ruined by a chime of your phone, a text from your father, asking where you were. Guiltily, you realised it had slipped past your curfew while you had been in the garage, once again cursing your living conditions. ‘I should go before Dad calls the cops or something.’ You joked with Peter as you pulled away, a pout coming onto his face. ‘I’ll see you in English Lit 101 tomorrow.’

‘But I want to-’ You cut him off with a peck.

‘You don’t have to Peter, there’s always later.’ You winked, gathering your purse and hopped out of the car, blowing him one last kiss as he slowly tucked himself back into his pants.

The lights in the kitchen were off as Peter stepped out of the elevator, his blood rushing through his veins just like it did after a victorious fight. He was too elated, too far up on cloud nine as he rifled through the pantry looking for a snack to notice the shadow seated at the bar.

‘I see you’re home late.’ The packet of Takis slipped from his fingers, spilling onto the floor as he swiveled around to Tony.

‘I was- I just… dropped y/n home. Traffic was a nightmare.’ His mind replayed the way your hand had crept up his thigh at every red light, the way he had wished there had been more and then the way your mouth had felt on him. It had been a nightmare, trying to concentrate on driving when he could feel the heat of your palm against him, could smell that sweet honey scent of you with every breath he took.

‘Mmhmmm.’ Tony’s steps were slow as he neared the boy, bending to pick up the dropped bag, passing it back to him, his eyes racking in Peter’s dishevelled appearance. ‘Here’s looking at you kid.’ His hand clapped Peter on the back and raised his glass slightly before he turned, walking out of the room a proud smile on his face, leaving his protege blushing a deep scarlet in the dark kitchen.

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ohwereusingourmadeupnames · 4 years ago

Text

Shining Just Like Diamonds Do

Pairing: Peter Parker/Tony Stark (Starker) Rating: General (G) Word Count: 5k Notes: This gem started after I saw this post here. The idea of Peter being the person who hid an engagement ring in plain sight was too hard to pass up. Thanks to @goindownshipping & @starkerscoop for the final push in the right direction. Warnings: There aren’t any - this madness is pure fluffy goodness. Summary:

Peter buys an engagement ring on a whim - he’s ready for the next step, but lacks a plan. Instead of wasting brain bytes worrying about it, Peter makes a challenge out of it instead. The ‘how many ways can I hide a ring in plain sight’ game becomes a thing.

Or - Tony is oblivious and Peter takes advantage of it to be the cutest sneak out there.

Check out more of my writing here and read this story on AO3 here

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They met at a conference.

Peter loved getting to shed his professor title and get into the nitty gritty of engineering and the technological advances being made. In another life, he took a different route and didn’t end up in a classroom – but in this life, Peter got to escape from it to play with all of the cool tech in the name of continuing education.

That year, however, Peter was tasked as a keynote speaker for the nanobyte technology research he started to work on when Wakanda opened up its borders a few years prior. Being in direct contact with the brilliant Princess Shuri gave him lots of insight and many tangible examples of the technology – her brother’s Black Panther suit design amongst them. He loved his research and felt more than prepared to present upon it. Especially at such a big wig conference like the International Conference on Mechanical and Aerospace Engineering – all of the monumental names in the industry would be there.

It wasn’t often that Peter got to leave New York during the school year, so he relished the train ride into Boston without pulling his work laptop out once during the journey. He practiced his talk so many times that he’d been doing it in his sleep for the past few nights. Any more rehearsal seemed like overkill. Relaxing into the 1st class seat he splurged for instead, Peter took a long sip of the complimentary red wine. The welcome banquet started right around the time his train got in – so the harder stuff would need to wait.

When he got to the hotel, Peter made a quick pit-stop in his room to drop off his bag and change out of the suit trousers he started the day in. He bought a brand-new pair of black slacks for the occasion and planned to wear them to their fullest. Splashing some water on his face and undoing the first couple of buttons of his shirt, Peter slung his badge around his neck and headed down to the meeting room the banquet was in.

His sensitivity to crowds never seemed to dull over the years – as a 29-year-old, Peter should’ve been able to control the way too much stimulus affected him. That was not a success he could claim, however. It took several minutes to blend into the crowd and by the time he calmed down enough to fit into it, the line for the bar wasn’t even worth standing in.

He looked around to see if any of his fellow academics were in attendance and was stopped by a soft touch to his elbow. “Dr. Parker, it’s nice to see you here.” Natasha Romanov, the beautiful red head with a mouth like poison and wit so sharp, stood before him, a soft smile on her face. Peter shot her a swift look of gratitude, his own smile shaping his lips.

“We were research partners for 3 years, Nat – you can call me Peter,” he replied easily, his hand finding hers for a brisk shake. They did great work together during their time at Columbia – she specialized in Aeronautical and him in Mechanical – they were the perfect team when GE Aviation came knocking with an idea of how to minimize fuel costs down to the creation of the plane – parts and pieces included. The journey to his doctoral degree was a fun one, the many hours of work made tolerable by the woman in front of him.

“You’re right. The title never does get old, though – the blood, sweat, and tears to get it were pretty memorable, too.” Natasha smirked at him, her blood-red lips enhancing the look. “I saw your name on the itinerary – nanobyte technology, right?”

Not a single bit surprised by her knowledge, Peter nodded excitedly. “Correct. They even gave me the prime-time spot tomorrow night.” He grinned widely, his eyes lighting up at the look of excitement that crossed her face.

“You’re on your way up, Peter. I’m actually glad I caught you, there’s someone I’d like for you to meet,” Natasha said, her eyes moving past his face and over his shoulder. Trying not to look too stupid doing it, Peter turned slightly, his eyes settling on the beautiful brain that was Tony Stark. He turned back around and suddenly berated his choice of no tie – what kind of professional came to a dinner without a tie? The mini freak out ate up his time to make up an excuse, Nat was already calling the man over.

Slipping his hands into his pockets, Peter kept his eyes down until he felt Nat’s elbow press against his arm. “Tony, I want you to meet a former colleague of mine, Peter Parker. Peter, this is Tony Stark,” Natasha announced, her eyes burning into his.

Peter took a quick breath in, his hand slipping out between them in what he hoped was a casual manner. “Tony, it’s great to meet you,” Peter decided on, his eyes finally focusing on the other man. As expected, the tech guru was dressed in a fine 3-piece suit – the shirt and waistcoat both black to enhance the darkness of the ensemble. His pale skin balanced everything out – the well-kept facial hair adding a new and admittedly sexy element to the whole thing. It wasn’t enough to be incredibly intelligent, Tony Stark got to own the obnoxiously sexy title, too.

Tony grabbed his hand and gave it a firm shake – the callouses on his fingers way more developed than Peter expected them to be. He knew that Tony was the brain behind everything that Stark Industries created – Peter wasn’t aware that carried over to creation, too. It made sense, though – what sort of brain didn’t want to have their hands all over the thing stuck in their head? They locked eyes and something just clicked. Whatever it was, Peter couldn’t keep his mind off of it from that second on.

“Nice to meet you, Peter Parker. I saw your name in the keynote spot tomorrow night. I can’t wait to hear more about the nanobyte tech. I’ve been trying to get face time with King T’chala for years – he’s been surprisingly fussy,” Tony said in reply, his mouth moving gracefully through some of the petulant words coming out of his mouth.

It took everything in him to stop the spread of an amused smile – the only evidence of his true feelings reflected in the glow of his eyes. The similar look in Tony’s made him want to laugh even more. “He’s particular, that’s all. I flew out there last summer and met with Princess Shuri, the king’s sister – she’s smarter than you and I put together.”

As if those were the magic words, Peter and Tony spent most of the next couple of hours talking about Wakanda and it’s many attributes, the nanobytes and the technological advancements they could make, and most importantly – how much they were looking forward to playing with the new tech at the booths the next day. Peter was surprised by how nerdy Tony truly was, the man completely enraptured by the topic of particle physics and the latest coding programs being taught to the up and coming engineers of the future.

When the end of the function was upon them, Peter didn’t think twice about accepting the offer of a drink at the bar in the hotel. He felt a certain way and didn’t want it to end – whatever it actually was. A few of the others had the same idea and soon, there were many groups scattered around the bar – the conversation going like there was never a break in it to transfer venues.

A warm hand on his knee when they sat down behind the bar had Peter looking up, a shy smile overtaking his face. Tony looked at him for a moment, then returned the look – the darkness in his eyes highlighted by the low light they were sitting in. “What’s your poison?” Tony asked, his hand staying exactly where it was, the long fingers now cupping his patella.

“I’ll have a whiskey neat,” Peter answered immediately, his own hand landing on top of Tony’s. It wasn’t normal, the freedom he was giving himself in that moment. At the same time, it felt good to be a little reckless – he genuinely liked the things he was learning and wanted to at least see where getting to know Tony went. The fact that the older man turned his hand over and let their fingers slide together sent a tingle down his spine – the warmth of it sitting in his lower back, starting the pool of heat there with a jolt.

Shooting him a smile, Tony flagged down the bar tender and order their drinks – the efficiency in which he did it more than impressive. Tony pulled his credit card out to start the tab, the sharpness of the look sent in Peter’s direction enough for him to put his hand down and stop the reach for his own wallet.

“Tell me more about you, Pete – there’s got to be stuff outside the nanobytes,” Tony said, breaking the comfortable silence they found themselves in.

“There is a lot of stuff outside of nanobytes. I have a beautiful golden retriever named Marla – she’s an agility dog, so we spend a lot of time at the training complex. I’m a New York native, so I spend a lot of time heading to the little hidden gems I’ve found over the years – food spots and little record stores. My most hidden talent, though – is caricature.” Peter paused then, his eyes turning to take in Tony’s reaction.

It was well worth it, too – Tony’s eyes bulged, his cheeks crinkled at the corners – his smile wide. “Caricature? There’s got to be a story behind that,” Tony muttered through a laugh, the free hand that was fiddling with the rim of his glass coming up to swipe at the rogue laugh-tear threatening to spill from his eyes.

“I spent every summer of my undergraduate college years working at Coney Island. The research assistant job I had on campus didn’t pay enough to make rent – so I rode out to the island on the days I didn’t work in the lab to draw families and couples in the silliest fashion I could.” Peter smiled at the memory, his chest warm from the recollection and the alcohol settling in his system. “What about you? Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist – that’s quite the resume.”

A swift feeling of satisfaction rolled over him when the skin of Tony’s cheeks and neck colored, the pale skin there taking on a reddish hue – the blush absolutely divine. “And exaggerated. I’m a pretty big nerd that gets to tinker for a living. The playboy lifestyle went out the window a long time ago,” Tony replied, his eyes moving down to the lock of their hands still resting lightly against Peter’s leg. “I would’ve taken you to bed by now if it hadn’t.”

Though Peter didn’t comment on Tony’s admission, the fact remained between them for the rest of the night. He couldn’t deny that the very thought passed across his own mind a time or two throughout the conversation, and when they headed back to their rooms, Peter gave Tony the go ahead. Yet, he wasn’t surprised by the fact that Tony didn’t take it – his denial seemed to be more about the principal of it than anything else.

Not wanting to leave himself hanging, Peter let his hands linger on Tony’s sides when the older man pulled him in for a hug. Peter dug his fingers into Tony’s trim flanks, the grip just enough to keep Tony exactly where he was. Leaning in, Peter was not disappointed when Tony took the remaining space and met him in the briefest of kisses. The remnants of expensive whiskey and something that could only be classified as Tony sat on his lip, the taste a constant reminder of what a little more time and effort possibly held for him.

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4 years later, Peter still liked to remember the hurried blow job Tony gave him five minutes after his speech the next night, the obscenity of 2 highly sought-after professionals locked in a bathroom stall together making the moment even more powerful. Tony wasn’t subtle in the way he practically dragged Peter with him towards the men’s room, his eyes were completely overtaken by dark pupils, a sharp look of lust there for anyone to see. Tony muttered endlessly about Peter’s brain and sucked him down with a skill that he still couldn’t describe.

The last night of the conference was spent in the confines of Tony’s room and the next day in the back of the private car that Tony ushered him into without asking about the train tickets that Peter willingly let go to waste. Happy, who took his bag with a knowing look and a stiff nod, turned up the music and made no noise for the rest of the drive from Boston back into the city.

It was easy to get lost in Tony after that. He appreciated Peter’s work and genuinely wanted to help in whatever way he could. Peter tested that theory out and prompted Tony to come and talk with all 5 sections of his coding class – he not only showed up but put on an amazing presentation for the kids that were already looking up at him with dreamy eyes. By the end of the 5th one, Peter was pretty over the moon, too. Tony’s comment about Peter’s brain made a lot of sense after seeing his lover in action – there was something about a handsome man with expertise that really got him going.

In the same way their brains were compatible, their interests lined up, too. Tony was adamant that they take a weekly trip to Coney Island when it was possible and joined Peter for his random walks around the city – the new food places all of the sudden taking on a different look after introducing his favorite person to them. Peter found himself making room for Tony in his life without much of a thought – there wasn’t any reason not to. Since the day they met, they were inseparable.

Which quickly became apparent when Tony asked him to move in before they were together a whole year. Peter was flipping his famous candied bacon with a pair of tongs when Tony saddled up next to him, a peculiar look on his face. “Why don’t you move in? I like having you here, you look good exactly where you are – you’re always over. I can get a key made right now,” Tony babbled, his affinity for speaking while all the words were ripe on his tongue a thing Peter loved the most about him.

The grin that overtook his face hurt a little, the muscles in his cheeks not ready for the intensity of it. “I could get behind that.” Peter spoke nonchalantly, but his hands were shaking, the move obvious in the quake of the tongs in his hands. It would be the perfect time to admit that he was thinking the same thing – he craved the coziness of Tony’s penthouse when he wasn’t around, the man’s presence engrained in every inch of the place.

Peter spent most of his adult years on his own with very little interest in accumulating things, so the transition into the penthouse was pretty seamless – it took them 2 trips across the city to get all of his stuff and another few hours to get it all adjusted into the nooks and crannies that seemed to be there waiting for Peter. Christening every square inch of the place was the best part – Tony took great joy in introducing him to all the different surfaces that Peter looked absolutely divine bent over and pressed against.

Happiness that flowed so easily between them made the rest of that 1st year together fly by. As did their 2nd, 3rd, and 4th years together – May always told him not to blink; and now he understood why. Without really knowing it, or giving time his permission to do so, life with Tony sped by. There was so much contentment and ease in their relationship that dates didn’t seem to matter – being with Tony every day felt like something to celebrate. The thought might be cheesy, but the genuine nature of it reigned supreme – Peter didn’t mind the fluff when it came with a Tony attached.

Which is why Peter didn’t feel a single bit odd wandering into a a jewelry store after a rare afternoon without his other half. Despite loving Peter for everything he was, Tony still didn’t like to spend an abundance of time with May and sent him on his own to the bi-weekly lunches his aunt still insisted upon. Though telling Tony was out of the question, Peter cherished the separation – it was nice to have a reason to miss his partner in crime. Shaking his head of the thought, Peter sucked in a deep breath when he was immediately tracked down by one of the workers in the store – his presence a possible commission for whoever got to him first.

Like all things with Tony, Peter didn’t struggle to find the perfect ring for his boyfriend. In the years of knowing him, Peter knew that Tony wore lots of black to contrast his pale complexion. The rich darkness of the tungsten of the simple band would look so good against the creamy white porcelain of Tony’s skin. Despite the dagger of a price, Peter instinctually knew it was the marker Tony deserved – the ring a simplistic, yet complex beauty; not unlike the man himself.

And though he found the perfect ring, Peter never actually meant to slap down the black credit card he carried in his pocket for impulse purchases such as that very one. His eyes bulged with reluctant acceptance at the price, long fingers wrapped delicately around the bag the woman behind the counter slipped the box into, and when he walked into the street, Peter smiled to himself – he didn’t walk into that building with a plan, and still didn’t have one; but, he was one step closer to having Tony Stark as a permanent fixture in his life for all the years to come.

Peter assumed an idea of how to propose to Tony would just pop into his head. When it didn’t in the 20-minute walk back to the office, Peter felt a little miffed. Most things were so simple, especially where Tony was concerned. Yet, a suitable idea didn’t come to him, no matter how hard he thought and willed it into existence. Tony deserved absolute perfection – Peter knew that from the second they met. Striving for anything less in this situation just wouldn’t do.

In an attempt to jumpstart his brain, Peter started carrying the ring box in his pocket. If pre-planning didn’t work, maybe spontaneity would. Trying to force himself into a bubble never worked before – why he ever thought it could for something so important seemed a little silly. Peter worked the best when he was relaxed and stress-free. Proposing felt stressful enough, tacking on a precise plan of attack only added to it.

For the first few days of his plan, Peter worried that Tony might catch on. Not every pair of pants let the box rest peacefully against his leg – the very first day he decided to start carrying it with him, Tony tried to feel him up in the elevator and almost palmed the velvet box instead of his rapidly stiffening erection. A swift move of his hips into Tony’s was the only thing that saved him.

As the days went by, Peter found it easier to keep the secret and quietly delighted at the fact that Tony genuinely didn’t have a clue. The damn thing was right under his nose most of the time – so much so that Peter found himself wanting to test fate even further. If Tony really wasn’t paying attention, Peter wondered how many times he could set the ring out in front of the man without him noticing. Blinking, Peter pulled in a deep breath and let the rightness of that plan settle over him. He wanted creativity and perfection – a little game seemed like the perfect way to achieve both of those things.

His first attempt at it was very minimal. They were sitting in the kitchen preparing dinner together – the whole scene insanely domestic. A rush of want crept up into Peter’s chest and sat there, taunting him to pull the ring box out. He stuffed his hand into his pocket as quietly as he could, the top of the box making the slightest bit of sound when he pulled it open. Looking up, he smiled to himself; Tony was completely occupied, carried away by the oldies rock on the radio and the sizzling warmth on the stove. In the picture, Tony’s hips were swaying, the movement tangible in the blur of his figure.

From there, Peter got a little friskier about it. He took one when they were sitting together on the couch, his back against Tony’s chest, the man’s hair spread out on Peter’s shoulder as they watched TV. The next was in bed later that night, the ring between their bodies while Tony snored obliviously. Peter saved each of the new snaps into their own folder and spent several minutes after taking each one cooing over the cuteness of Tony’s naivety. There weren’t many moments when Tony didn’t know exactly what was going on. Peter allowed himself to revel on the few he crafted.

There were several more encounters of oblivious Tony over the next couple of weeks. Peter planned a picnic and let the box sit in the collection of goodies on the blanket for what seemed like hours before picking it up and storing it in his pocket again. He pulled it out when they were sitting in the drive-thru line at McDonald’s and shared a laugh with the young girl behind the window when Tony went about his business, despite the open box showcasing a shiny black ring right by his face. Peter shot her a wink, the girl’s smile in the photo one of the best mementos of the experience yet.

Just as Peter figured, the perfect opportunity came during one of their many treks out to Coney Island. In the span of the last week, Peter put the actual ring in Tony’s hand while he was sleeping, left the box open on his lab table, and let it sit in Tony’s briefcase all the way from their office into the house. The idea of getting away with his ploy made that finale that much more important. He played with fire enough – it was finally time to make Tony his.

Getting out of Happy’s car, Peter pulled them towards the teacups – Tony’s favorite ride on the island, despite the dizziness it brought them both for the rest of their trip. He wanted Tony disoriented – it was an important part of Peter’s plan finally coming to fruition. Since they were a little earlier than usual, the lines weren’t long, so they were able to ride the cups twice before the idea of waiting became a thing.

Antsy now, Peter pushed through the spin in his head and led Tony over towards his old station. Despite the fact that more than 10 years passed since his job there, artist alley was in the same place – the easels there the same ones he spent hot summer days behind. His eyes met MJ, who made a guest appearance in her old spot for the occasion. Tony knew enough about her to know about their connection, but not enough to put all of the pieces together.

Peter took his seat first, his part of the picture already complete – the rough draft of it sitting on his art counter at home, the design one he sent to MJ that very morning. He sketched himself kneeling on one knee in the mirror twice before it was exactly how he wanted it.

She went through the motions, however – Tony’s nosiness needed to be assuaged while he stood there, waiting impatiently for his turn. Wiggling his eyebrows, Peter relaxed into the chair and let the anticipation build – the ending of his game was quickly spiraling towards them.

It took another 20 minutes for MJ to finish up whatever she drew of Peter and the two of them to switch chairs – Tony’s excited smile making it super difficult not to just drop down on one knee right then and there. Instead, he watched with a huge smile as MJ went about finishing the actual picture she’d be presenting at the end of their little modeling session. Peter crouched down and let his eyes move with the brush of her hand – the sight of the art becoming exactly what he pictured exhilarating, better than the game of chase the last few weeks provided.

With the last flick of her wrist, MJ finished their portrait, her eyes narrowing into the smoothest wink – her immense coolness still a thing after so many years. Grinning in her direction, Peter got up, his heart slamming against his chest. The distraction of MJ’s “do you want to see it?” proved to be enough for Peter to get into position on one knee – Tony’s attention was on the end result completely, his ability to focus so singularly such a gift in that moment.

The soft inhale of air was the only sign Peter got before Tony was looking in his direction, whiskey-smooth eyes glued to him. “Pete?” Tony whispered, his head tilting ever so slightly. The expression never ceased to drive Peter crazy, Tony’s cuteness pulling a soft smile across his own lips.

“I bought this thing weeks ago. When I saw the jeweler on my way home from lunch with May and couldn’t stop myself. It didn’t have any intention of actually getting anything – but here we are. I spent way too many brain bytes wondering how the hell I’d pull off this insane proposal – you’re the personification of all things good and perfect, our first step towards forever needed to be exactly that,” Peter stopped a second, his fingers readjusting the box in his hand. “I finally figured out that there would never be a perfect way, because the perfection is you and the promise of forever, not the proposal or even the question itself.”

As he spoke, Tony moved a little closer to him, his face split into the biggest grin Peter recalled ever seeing. Reaching out, Peter grabbed his hand, their fingers tangling together. “There’s not a better person in this world to spend the rest of my days with. Your brain is marvelous and gives way to the biggest heart I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. Time with you flashes by like the recollection of beautiful memories. It’s exquisite, really – the consuming way love resides in us. There’s no forever without you. Not when my heart beats for you and my thoughts exist in hopes of melding with yours.” Peter looked up; his eyes wet with unshed tears. “Marry me, Tony.”

----

Hours later, Peter spent the entire drive back into the city with his hand covering Tony’s possessively, the coolness of the ring on his finger the best reminder of what just happened. After Tony mumbled a soft ‘yes’, he pulled Peter onto his feet, strong arms wrapping around his neck to pull him into a hard kiss. A soft throat clearing pulled them away from each other a few moments later, MJ’s smiling face meeting them when reality came crashing back. “You two are so sickeningly cute. Congrats, guys,” MJ said, the smile on her face a smooth juxtaposition to her sassy words. Peter shot her a wink, his hands already moving to pull Tony close again.

Between getting the ring on Tony’s finger and making sure their caricature made it off the island with them, Peter got lost in the next couple of hours. They wandered around for a little while before Tony’s demanding hands and tantalizing ideas whispered against Peter’s ear were a little too much. Peter led them back to the Bentley before the idea of the dirty boardwalk underneath them became a good one.

In their fumbling to get to the car, Peter started to describe the whole proposal process to Tony – the whole thing a desperate attempt to distract himself from the boiling attraction that always threatened to consume him. He talked about all of the different places he hid the ring, all the obvious times he let the damn thing rest right under Tony’s nose – each description of the past month’s events making it easier to lean into his fiancé’s warmth without the sizzle of arousal consuming him.

Settling into the back seat of the car, Peter took out his phone, the file of photos opening easily after weeks of navigating to that very spot time and time again. Going through them with Tony made each one feel a bit more special, the other’s reaction and surprise bringing the memory to the forefront, crystalizing its beauty with a whole new coat of affection.

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice. The ring is sitting in the palm of my hand in this one,” Tony remarked, his eyes flashing with amusement as he made the picture bigger, his fingers toggling on the screen. “Oblivious was never a word I’d use to describe myself.” He turned then, his hand finding Peter’s cheek. “Until now. Thank you for this, Pete. The whole thing – it’s gorgeous.”

Their lips met in a soft kiss – the genuine nature of Tony’s words alive in his warmth and attention. Tony’s singular focus on Peter felt like a rainstorm – intense and all consuming, rowdy in the eye of it. The subtle press and pull went on the rest of the drive, Tony’s lips only leaving Peter’s when oxygen became a necessity – they shared breaths when they could and separated mere inches when they couldn’t.

Both knew they didn’t need to rush – that seconds and minutes were no longer a factor.

Forever was an awfully long time.

#starker #ironspider #bobbie writes #shining just like diamonds do

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youremeimyou · 5 years ago

Text

Promise Me(pt.2)

Part 1 - Part 2

pairing: Park Jimin x reader (ft. Kim Taehyung) genre: Lots of angst, fluff and pure drama... word count: 5k warnings: alcohol consumption, sexual tension

Description: Y/N is Jimin’s longest and best friend. Certain feelings are caught and meanwhile, Jimin accidently sets Y/N up with his other best friend. But not before getting her to make him a promise.

A/N: First off, sorry cuz I know it’s been a long time since pt.1. But finally pt.2 is here, yayy! This one’s a bit more angsty but these two boys are both fluffballs so there are lots of cute stuff. (sighs)I just love Vmin so much, it was hard to do this justice. I hope I could and I hope you’ll like it. I’d love to know what you think. Enjoy!

It had almost been a month since the eventful Christmas. Taehyung was walking to the girl's dorm to spend some time with Y/N. This was his third time going without Jimin since he finally found the courage to go alone a few weeks ago, when he made up a stupid excuse for showing up at her door in the middle of the night.

Of course he was drunk that night. A few words may have slipped out of his mouth that made Y/N a blushing mess. But he never made a move on her in his drunken state and she appreciated that. Y/N took care of him, helped him sober up, let him sleep on her couch. So it became normal for him to drop by just to hang out since then.

After everything that went down on Christmas, Jimin only had one mission in mind: Avoid both of your best friends at all costs.

It was obviously hard considering one of them was a person he saw everyday since he was a kid and the other was his roommate. But he tried his best. It was starting to become tiring, feeling bothered and even heartbroken without understanding why and pretending to be okay so they wouldn't figure out. So he was more ghost than man over the course of last month.

It didn't go unnoticed by Y/N of course, she saw through his acts easily. Especially the times they would work on the musical. Normally doing anything with Jimin was fun for Y/N, even work and studying. And producing a musical normally would've been crazy fun. But Y/N could tell he was being distant. He wouldn't even come over much, saying there was still a lot of time to work on the project. All of that broke Y/N's heart to pieces.

There was a flower in Taehyung's hand that he picked up from the little winter garden at the coffee shop he'd been coming from. And he contemplated whether or not to give it to Y/N as he waited outside her room. But suddenly the door opened.

"Oh- Hey Tae! What're you doing here?"

"Uhh.. Hi. I just came by to ask you if you wanted to play some Mortal Kombat." he said, having trouble keeping eye contact.

"You mean you wanna get your ass kicked by the best player around? Sure." Y/N smirked. "I was just about to take out the trash so after that-"

Taehyung took it from her hands.

"I'll take it out and you get the game ready?" He made it sound like a question but started walking away to do as he said at the same time.

"Wait. What's that in your..?"

Taehyung looked back to see Y/N pointing at the flower in his hand, a funny expression on her face. He mentally face palmed.

"Oh this? Uhh it's just-" he sighed defeatedly and passed it to her. "It's for you." She was cringing and laughing but it still made his heart race as she took it to her nose.

"Thanks, it smells so nice."

After 15 rounds of K.O. -each with fatality- from Y/N, Taehyung gave up and put the controller down with a frown. Then he noticed the sketches on the coffee table.

"Oh, come on. You're good at music, acting and drawing? How's that fair for the rest of the world?" Taehyung protested.

"I'm merely mediocre at the first two and I suck at the last one. Admit it."

"No way! What were you drawing here?"

"Uh.. Jimin.."

Taehyung's eyes went wide. "Oh. Okay, sorry it just looks more like Bart Simpson than anything."

They both burst into laughter.

"I know. It's just- the professor wants the posters to also be original and made by us. So I wanted it to be a cool drawing of Jimin. You know, cause he's the lead." Her face dropped as she continued. "And also.. Jimin's been out of my reach lately. Which sucks.. So I thought maybe I could surprise him and make up for anything stupid I did to make him avoid me."

Taehyung could tell how important this was to her. He also was on Jimin's 'to avoid list'. An idea popped into his mind.

"Well, I can work on a poster for Jimin. Though, it'll be kinda hard to keep it from him. He always loves to snoop whenever I'm working on something."

Taehyung was a graphic design student that did illustrations for a comic book shop as part time gig. So he was more than qualified. But all of his equipment and designing programs were on his computer. And his wasn't a laptop but a desktop pc.

"You're just gonna have to distract him for me!" Taehyung said while looking like he presented the best idea ever.

"That is a brilliant idea. But our lovely Chim doesn't really talk to me novadays." Y/N's frown returned. She really had missed him.

"Come on, he can never resist you."

Now that was true. All three of them knew it. Even if it made Taehyung a bit upset, he just knew their relationship was something way bigger than anything else. And so, they made a deal and shook on it. Taehyung was gonna get free tickets to the musical in return for designing the poster.

Later that day, Taehyung texted Y/N saying he had an inspiration and that she needed to get Jimin out of the room to start working on it. So she quickly got ready and went over there.

She knocked on the door and heard both of the boys collectively say "Come in!" When she walked in she saw that Jimin really was trying to look at what Taehyung was doing on his computer. A curious little baby, she thought.

"Hey Chim. Whatcha doin'?"

The look on Jimin's face as he looked at her was confusing. Because it contained nervousness and edginess but also longing and relief. It gave hope to Y/N in thinking she wasn't the only one missing a best friend. Jimin walked over to her and when he noticed a strand of hair fall on her eyes, he gently put it back behind her ear.

"Nothing much. You?"

"Same. Wanna come over and work on some dance moves? I feel like I can't do any of 'em right. I really need you.."

She had no idea why she expressed that last part with so much emotion. But it made Jimin inhale sharply.

"Okay, sure."

"Great! Oh, you go ahead and I just gotta return Taehyung this uh.. pen I burrowed."

Y/N had one of her own pens in her hand and Jimin knew it. But he wasn't gonna dig on the subject. He just settled for rolling his eyes and saying "Fine.." as he walked out. Taehyung on the other hand was confused not remembering ever lending her a pen.

"Here Tae, thanks!" She shouted that so Jimin would hear and then whispered the next part.

"Whatever you do, just draw him dancing. Oh, and I want my pen back later."

Y/N knew her neighboors would complain about the noise she and Jimin were making while practising. But it didn't matter. With the way his body moved fluidly as he showed her his smooth and flawless moves and the way he held her hips to move her and teach her when she couldn't get it right.. Y/N didn't care one bit about the neighboors, no.

Every once in a while he would dance behind her to lead her through the choreography, all the while his breathy voice in her ear, panting and counting the steps. Needless to say she felt hot and bothered. So she suggested to take a break.

The chamomile sitting on the little table inside a glass of water caught Jimin's eye. He knew for a fact Y/N wasn't a flower person. Whenever he'd buy her some in the past, they'd always end up dead. He did have a guess in mind about who might've brought it here, though.

"I hope he won't get upset when it dies in like two days." He pointed to it with his head.

"I know he's your friend but sorry, that thing was a goner as soon as it was placed in my care."

"Well, sad. Cause coming from Taehyung, it's kinda a big gesture."

A frown formed on Y/N's brows, with the worry of making Taehyung upset. But flowers just didn't grow with her, nothing could be done.

"I'm afraid it wasn't the right gesture to pull on me."

"He doesn't know you like I do."

By this point, he was much closer to Y/N than he was at the beginning of the conversation. Y/N hadn't even realized him moving towards her. This rehersal had been nothing but tense so far.

"No one does, Chim."

They looked into each other's eyes as if it was a staring contest. Jimin would normally win those. But having her right in front of him, with drops of sweat falling from her face down to her collarbones and heat radiating off her skin, he felt a push like never before to get even closer so he had to step back as caution.

"Good job today, panda. These moves fit you so well."

"Thanks. And thanks for teaching me. Sorry for being such a burden-"

"Hey!" Jimin cut in and stepped towards her again to look her in the eyes once more. "You could never be a burden." He gave her a kiss on the forehead and left soon after.

The evening came pretty soon and Y/N was very exhausted after all the dancing around earlier. Jimin was a professional at it. His body and condition would rival any of the boys on soccer team. But Y/N wasn't fit like that. So she was getting ready to call it at a day. In fact, she was barely awake as she layed on the couch. She nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone went off loudly with notifications. Her brain immediately presumed to see 'Chimmy' on the screen but instead it was 'TaeTae'.

-Hey wanna come over real quick? Jimin went out.

-I mean to talk about the poster, I swear I’m not a perv.. u awake?? I really need opinions!

-Y/N, he'll be out prolly all night, this is our chance.

Out all night? Why would he be out all night? Y/N quickly called Jimin first before even opening the messages.

"Angel? What's up?"

"Hey Chim, where are you?"

"Uh.. on my way to the library. I have intel that there'll be a quiz on Theatre History tomorrow." He voiced the last part like those characters in spy movies.

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me? I took that class last year and still have my notes, I could come help you."

"I know but no need, lovely. You were already tired today. And Namjoon hyung's here to give me an intensive course."

He always managed to make a smiling fool out of Y/N with the endless, sweet nicknames. This time wasn't an exception.

"Anything up with you? If you need something I'm already outside I can-"

"No, I just wanted to check in on you, I'm about to go to sleep. Good luck and say hi to Joon."

"I will. Sweet dreams, angel."

She got up to walk to her bed but remembered Taehyung’s messages. Her body desperately craved sleep but Taehyung was right. It was a great opening with Jimin out of the room so she dragged her feet over there.

When Taehyung opened the door and saw a sleepy Y/N, his stomach started doing flips and somersaults. As a result, he was a stuttering mess.

“Hey, sorry if uh.. if I wake- woke you. Come on- come in! Come in.”

His hair was wet. There was a towel over his shoulders and he held a t-shirt over his chest. Fresh out of the shower. Y/N eyes traced the t-shirt down to where once she knew his tummy was from P.E. classes in high school. Tummy was no more, though. Those were qualified abs. Not overdone but just the right amount of them. Once she noticed she was staring, her eyes quickly changed direction. And when he noticed what she had been doing, he visibly blushed and audibly gulped.

“Oh.. When you didn’t write back, I thought you might’ve gone to sleep so I just hopped in the shower.” he explained as he quickly put on his shirt.

They went over to his computer to see the progress of the poster. Taehyung sat on the chair in front of the table and Y/N took a seat on Taehyung’s bed right next to it.

“Woah, Tae it looks incredible. I can’t believe you’re done so soon!”

“Done? No, I’m not done. There’re still a lot of details we should go through.”

As Taehyung mumbled the list of said details, Y/N couldn’t get her attention away from the poster. The elegancy and the delicacy of the move Jimin was pictured doing seemed so real, like an actual photo. But the colors and the environment looked so abstract.

“You’ve really captured the essence of Jimin and the way he loses himself to dance. Wow.”

“I’ve seen him perform enough times to familiarize with the demon that posesses him on stage.”

Thank you Mr. Demon, Y/N thought as she always did when seeing Jimin perform.

Taehyung then settled on his bed next to Y/N with a pen and paper on his hands to sketch. He was asking Y/N about the stuff he wanted to change or add and etc and showing her what it would roughly look like. And Y/N tried her best to give opinions but her eyes were slowly but surely closing, drifting into sweet slumber. And so she dozed off. Taehyung didn’t even notice until he also was pulled by sleep.

He thought about waking her up but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He watched her steadily breathing for a while before being taken by sleep himself.

A few hours later Jimin came back from the library and slowly got inside his room, guessing his roomate would be sleeping. What he never would’ve expected was seeing Y/N curled up next to him. Sleeping by his side.

That devastating feeling came back to sit on Jimin’s chest. She knew Jimin would be out for hours, maybe even until the morning. She called Jimin before coming here. Why? Why would she sneak in here without saying anything to him? Why would she keep this.. whatever it was a secret from him? They were clearly way closer than Jimin imagined.

His breath got stuck in his throat. He felt furious and heartbroken and he wanted to run away but stopped dead in his tracks. The thought of leaving them alone in here like this seemed inconceivable at that moment. So he walked over to his bed and plumped on it. Pulling the cover over his head he hoped it wasn’t real but when he got his head out again, the view was the same.

That’s when he saw Y/N twitching and grunting in discomfort. She was slowly gaining back consciousness. Her head was between her hands as she tried to wake up fully, realizing she fell asleep unintentionally. After miraculously managing to slip out of the bed without waking Taehyung up, she noticed Jimin sitting on his bed staring at her. She wobbly walked over to him. And even though Jimin was upset, he still felt worried, she didn’t look well.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“This crazy headache woke me up. I feel like vomiting.”

Jimin got up and went to check on her by instinct. “Let’s get you to a doctor.”

“No no. It’s just normal migraine stuff, Chim. It won’t pass unless I manage to go back to sleep. I should get back to my room.”

She started walking towards the door and decided to explain everything to Jimin in the morning when she’d be able to do it better. Jimin on the other hand couldn’t leave her alone when she was in this much pain. Putting everything aside for the time being, he pulled her back by her arm.

“Just come here, Y/N.”

He pulled her into the bed next to himself and gently turned her to face the other way. His hands travelled on her temples, eyes and forhead, slowly massaging the areas. He would place little kisses on the back of her head from time to time, too. She’d get these headaches every once in a while so Jimin had learned over time what he could do to make her feel better.

“It’ll be okay. Just close your eyes, try clearing your head and take deep breaths, baby.” he whispered in her ear.

Jimin’s arms were home. Warm, comfy and familiar. Even that headache couldn’t hold Y/N back from dozing off once more and sleeping soundly in his embrace. Jimin kept watching over her and only allowed himself to sleep when it seemed like all her pain was gone.

With the morning sun Y/N slowly came around from sleep. She felt the lack of a set of arms around her so she turned around to regain them as her eyes were still closed. They opened in disbelief when she couldn’t find the source. Her eyes looked around the room next but only to find that both Jimin and Taehyung were gone.

Y/N stayed in bed, trying to remember details of last night. She had accidently fallen asleep on Taehyung’s bed. She wondered what Jimin thought when he saw her like that. He did seem upset and she’d love to explain it to him but that terrible headache.. And how Jimin took care of her. Wasn’t new that he helped her but the atmosphere felt different at that moment. Despite being distant for a while before, he was being more intimate with her lately. A different kind of intimate. She really wanted to have a talk with him. She decided to text him but she saw the texts he had sent before on the screen.

-Y/N, I had to leave to get to class. If you're still not feeling okay, you have to go to the doctor. Let me know if you do. If not, bagels in the fridge and coffee's made.

-My keys are on the night stand you can leave them under the mat if you go out. But I'd love to have you there when I get back, angel.

There it was. An opportunity to have the talk. Jimin seemed to want to, as well. So decided on waiting there, it was a free day for her anyways.

Some time later sounds came from the door implicating someone coming in. Y/N thought it must've been Jimin. It was his taller counterpart.

"Oh, uh.. morning, Y/N."

"Hey, Tae. Did you have an early class?"

"No, it's my free day just like you. I just went out for a walk."

"In this cold?" Y/N teased, smiling.

"I was kinda hot headed so the cold helped."

His voice was even deeper than normal. And the features of his face were unusually hardened.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

He shot her a quick smile that didn't even reach his eyes. And anyone that knew Taehyung knew he was never insincere. That was against his nature.

"You can talk to me about anything." Y/N said as she handed him the cup of coffee she poured for him when he came in.

Taehyung stared at the mug. Then, at her strecthed out arm and lastly at her eyes, without saying a word or moving. He looked like he was thinking carefully about what he was gonna say next.

"I didn't wanna scare you away last night. I hope I wasn't but I apperantly have this habit of hugging things as I sleep so I'm sorry if-"

"Wha- No Tae and I wouldn't mind if you were either. You didn't scare me away. A headache woke me up."

"But when I woke up, I saw you over there." He pointed to Jimin's bed. Shit. Y/N worried about what Jimin thought of the situation last night but it didn't occur to her how Taehyung would take it. She sometimes forgot what Jimin told her about Taehyung's feelings. The last thing she'd want would be to break his heart.

"Jimin helped me. There's this massage thing he invented for when I get headaches. That's why we were-"

"I know it's not the first time I've seen you two like that but it's just-" Courage came to him all of a sudden so he took a step forward. "I thought I was being more.. open with you. And call me crazy if I'm wrong but it feels like we've become closer. Haven't we?"

They had been.Taehyung wasn't someone Y/N could easily disregard. And she knew she kept letting him in more and more over time. But she was just confused by Jimin all the time. Maybe she shouldn't have been, though. Jimin's been witnessing them getting closer but wasn't doing or saying anything about it, she thought. Guess he really was okay with it. Obviously he didn't want his relationship with Y/N to change into something.. else.

"You're not wrong, Tae. We have."

His eyes lit up and his mood got back up after hearing her say that. He didn't wanna rush things but he didn't want to do nothing either.

"Tonight, when you're hungry and when I'm also hungry we could- could we? Eat? Like outside- I know a great place."

Y/N couldn't help but smile seeing him stumble over his words.

"How are you this shy with the way you look is still beyond me." It was a sincere comment and she was pleasently surprised to be able to say it to his face. Taehyung still blushed like crazy, though. Then he took a deep breath and asked more confidently.

"Can I take you out to dinner tonight?"

Maybe she needed to move on from the limbo she was in, after all.

"Yeah.."

------

A ryhtmic knocking came from Y/N's door. She opened it and was met with a Jimin holding a lot of shopping bags.

"Chim! What's all that?"

"Well my quiz went amazingly, thanks for asking. So I thought we could celebrate. We're gonna make a cake!"

"I think you've gotten enough stuff to make ten cakes. And congrats."

"Ten cakes are even better. And thanks. But hey, I thought you’d be waiting for your man to get back at his room where he left you." Jimin teased with a smug smirk on his face. And Y/N’s mouth fell open a little in shock. But she quickly recovered and played along.

“Well my man took his time to come back. I can’t be kept in a cage, waiting forever for a guy.” They stared at each other until Jimin said “And scene..”

They were laughing as they carried the stuff inside and upon Jimin insisting, they started with the cake immediately. Twenty minutes in, they already created the biggest mess and didn't even get much done from fooling around. Jimin was in a good mood, dancing around, teasing Y/N and it all felt normal.

Y/N was making chocolate sauce and beckoned Jimin for a taste test. He came to her, sticking his head out from behind, over her shoulder and placing his hands on both sides of the stove, trapping her body with his own. Closer than close. He reached for the spoon and immediately closed his eyes after tasting, humming deeply.

"Mmhhmm.. my diligent panda, it tastes like paradise! Great job."

"Exaggerate away.."

"It does! Go ahead and taste for yourself."

Jimin took the spoon out of her hand and offered her some. He watched her as she tasted it. He was already staring at her lips and now they were covered in chocolate. There was some left on the corner of her mouth, too. Jimin felt that push again but this time he was already too close to not act on it.

He leaned forward and licked the chocolate away. Y/N just froze, not even being able to react.

"You had a little left.. on the corner right there."

When they finally broke apart Jimin got a bottle of wine out from one of the bags.

"I got this for when the cake is ready."

A while later there was some music they put in the background, only a few pieces were left of the two cakes that they made and the wine bottle had been emptied very quickly. It was still early into the evening but emotions, thoughts and feelings were already all over the place.

They were at their usual spot. On the floor in front of the couch with Y/N seated in the space between Jimin’s legs and Jimin’s arms wrapped up around her. Movements were sloppy due to alcohol. Jimin placed his head on her shoulder.

“I’m sleepy.” Y/N almost couldn’t understand what he said because of his mumbling.

“Are you now? I don’t ever remember you being an early bird.”

“What can I do? You’re so cozy.”

“Me? It’s probably the wine making you sle-”

“Nope, this much wouldn’t affect me. It’s all you, bear.”

Bear was a new one, she loved it.

“Oh!” Jimin hopped up and down where he was sitting. “I know your secret~” he sang. Y/N’s eyes went wide. Did Taehyung tell him about the date? And why was he taking it this excitedly?

“Umm.. I don’t know what you’re talki-”

“I saw it on Taehyung’s PC. I figured it was your idea. And the way you were sneaking around with him made much more sense.” He huffed as if in relief. Y/N was also relieved. He meant the poster, not the date. Good. She wanted to be the one to tell him.

“He did all the work. And you weren’t supposed to see until he felt like it was done completely!”

“My dude’s got talent. And I always snoop around, he knows that.”

They were giggling, Jimin put his head back down on her shoulder and closed his eyes. Y/N’s eyes went to the clock to see the time they agreed on meeting with Taehyung was getting close. She had to tell Jimin about it.

“I gotta jet soon, Chim.”

“No, you wouldn’t leave me.”

“But I have to get ready.”

Jimin got his head up suddenly in denial with a lovely pout.

“Where’re you going?”

“Out to dinner.” She paused to avert her eyes from him. “With Taehyung.”

Jimin had a rude awakening. “A date? An offical one?”

She just nodded. They didn’t speak for some time and just stared into space. But something happened in the silence. Jimin understood now. Up until that moment, what he knew was that Y/N was his person. Everyone around them knew it as well. But the void Jimin felt whenever this subject was brought up finally made sense to him. And he had promised himself that he’d tell her as soon as he knew. So that’s what he’d do.

“Don’t go.”

He spoke clearly and seriously.

“What?”

“Even though you complied back then, it was wrong of me to make you promise to not care about anyone the way you care about me.”

“Jimin, I could never-”

“We might be best and oldest friends but that wouldn’t be fair to anyone we open our hearts to. And especially you. You’ve given so much to me and I became comfortable on the recieving end. The reason I made you make that promise is because I knew I wanted to be the one you loved most but I was so dumb to not realize why until now.”

He moved his head closer and closer until their lips were so close that they even touched but only slightly.

“I know I’m so stupid. But I’m so in love with you, Y/N. I wanna kiss you so bad..” Y/N was sure her heart would jump right out of her chest at any second.

“But I won’t if you don’t want me to-”

Y/N quickly closed whatever little distance was left between their faces, not being able to take it any longer. Jimin was surprised but when he felt her trying to pull away, he held her and deepened the kiss. He slowly and gently pushed her down on the ground with his body on top of hers, lips still connected. Then linked one of his hands with hers while the other one was still placed on the back of her head, protecting it from bumping onto the ground earlier.

When they finally parted lips, both were panting. Y/N ran her hand through Jimin’s hair. Jimin was looking at her with fragile eyes.

“Does this mean you’re not going?”

“No, I only kissed you because there was some chocolate left on your lips and I didn’t want it to go to waste.”

Jimin actually took it seriously for a moment. He let out a relieved sigh when he realized the corners of her mouth curving upwards in humour.

“I can’t believe it took you this long, Jimin.” Y/N complained.

“What do you mean? Wait- Did you already-”

“You finally figured out your feelings but you never had a clue about mine?”

Jimin was shocked. “Are you serious right now?”

“I’ve always loved you, idiot. And I’ve been pining after you for the longest time.”

“I’m sorry.” he quickly pecked her lips over and over and spoke in between kisses saying “I love you.”, “I’m an idiot.” and “I love you” again.

“It’s okay, Chim.” she softly tapped his chest, signaling to sit back up. And they were seated once more.

“What’re we gonna do about Tae?” She felt so worried about that. Feeling like she played him. He was an amazing person and a true friend to both of them. The thought of breaking his heart terrified her. It made Jimin upset too, they both cared about him.

“I don’t know.. But we’ll figure it out.”

He laughed bitterly. “You know what? Tae knew. He always told me to stop being an idiot with you. I should’ve listened. But yeah.. I know he’ll understand.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And whatever happens I’ll make it right with him. He’s my brother. Brothers might fight but they’re still brothers.”

She pinched the side of his arm. “No fighting over anyone! Not ever!”

“I meant that figuratively, angel.”

“Wait. Did you just quote High School Musical?” They both burst into laughter.

Then he smiled at her endearingly and pulled her into the tightest hug ever.

“Let’s just stay like this for a while.”

...

@world-moon @nopedopebts had requested to be tagged so here you go :)

A/N: I’m sorry for this long ass part. Thank you soo much if you bared with me and read it. I seriously hope you liked it because I struggled a lot with the ending, I hope it was good and satisfactory. I’d really like it if you guys let me know what you think and who would you have liked Y/N to end up with.

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theangriestpea · 5 years ago

Text

In the Shadows : Nine

Summary: Jughead Jones, resident werewolf, just wants to protect his family and his pack from the incoming doom of The Red Circle. Sweet Pea and Lily join him to help keep the Southside safe from human tyranny. Meanwhile a demon princess named Myra and succubus named Lavender had a plan to bring on the apocalypse. <ao3> <masterlist> <playlist>

Rating: Mature // Explicit

Pairings: Jughead Jones x OC, Sweet Pea x OC, Kurtz x OC

Warnings: Smut, Choking, Hair pulling, Some dirty talk

Word Count: 5k+

A/N: I am SO sorry this took so long to update. I got swept up in finishing Mercy Killing and writing the first chapter of the sequel that I didn't have time to get to this as soon as I would have liked. My productivity had tanked as my depression worsens due to isolation.

Chapter Nine : Soul Bound II

The issue with the time limit that Lily put on Sweet Pea’s eviction, was that they needed to be rid of Myra before his time was up. If Lily wanted to force her ex into the demon’s home, then she would need to make it safe for him first. Myra would more than likely kill him upon realizing that he had moved in. It simply wasn’t possible to do this out of order and everyone remained uninjured.

But, unbeknownst to Lavender, Lily had already accounted for that in her timetable. Today was the fifth day after Lav had given her the book, and today was the day that she was going to free the hybrid’s soul from Myra’s grasp. All she had to do was locate the demon princess.

Naturally, she had a plan for that too. On the last full moon, she had taken samples of the vargulf’s blood from inside of Jughead’s mouth. With it she was going to use a foolproof locating spell to find his whereabouts.

The one thing she didn’t expect was the fight Jughead and Lavender would have that would result in them not speaking to one another. Lavender had killed the second in command of The Red Circle. And while his body had not been (and never would be) found, Archie had been on a rampage since Reggie's disappearance to find him. Jughead was positive that he was going to retaliate at any moment. The redhead was a ticking time bomb and Lav had essentially made him impossible to diffuse.

Lavender had a plan for that too, not that she had told Jughead any of this because, again, they were not on speaking terms. Lily had opted to leave Jughead out of this process, figuring that he would hinder them this once. All she truly needed for this particular part were Lavender and Sweet Pea.

The two witches arrived at the demon’s house and knocked on the door. They heard a distant, very ill sounding voice telling them to come in. After a quick search, Lily found her friend in the bathroom with her head laying on the toilet seat. “I think I’m dying.” Lavender said pitifully and Lily tried not to crack a smile.

“I told you, you needed to drink the tea two times a day or you wouldn’t be able to leave the bathroom floor.” Lily said, sounding more motherly than upset. “Let me go make you some, extra strength. We have work to do.”

Lavender groaned at the thought of having to leave her safe haven within the master bathroom. Lily left to go to her kitchen and fix her some of the magic tea she had made. Sweet Pea, who was feeling somewhat awkward now that he actually had a conscience again, stood off to the side. “How is she?”

“Puking her guts out.” Lily said calmly as she started heating water with the use of a simple spell. “You know, like all women do their first trimester. You better not go back there or you’ll be joining her.”

Sweet Pea made a face that was some cross between annoyance and a pout. He had been a sympathy puker since he was a kid. He had always felt like it was a curse. “Are you really making me move in here in two days?”

Lily gave him a stern look. “She’s pregnant with your child. The least you could do is help protect her from the demon trying to take the baby. It’s not like she asked for this.”

“I didn’t ask for it either.” Sweet Pea said angrily. “It’s not like I wanted another one any time soon.”

“Well, you’re getting one. So man up.” Lily said as she put in just the right amount of sugar and honey. Sweet Pea was yet to be informed that him and Lavender were soulmates. The succubus had insisted that she would tell him when the timing was right, however Lily was starting to think that that time would never come. Hopefully, forcing them to live together would make it obvious to the dark witch eventually.

Once the tea was done brewing, she took it to Lavender who was currently throwing up for the fourth time that morning. “Do you even eat food?” Lily asked curiously, “what do you have to throw up?”

“I’m half human, Lily. Of course I eat food. Or I would if it didn’t all smell so goddamn awful.” She took the tea and took a sip. After swallowing, she sighed with relief. “That hits the spot.”

Lily smiled warmly. “Two cups a day and it won’t be nearly this bad. I promise. When Sweet Pea moves in, he can make it for you.”

Lav grumbled, “does he have to?”

“His soul needs to be healed and you’re the only one that can do that, Lavender. Your soul will no doubt need it too once I get it back today. You will not understand how truly powerful sex is until you have it with him again once you do. The three of us will be unstoppable.” Lily said in a tone that Lav knew not to question. Of course she was right, and deep down Lav knew that things had to come to a head sooner rather than later.

After about fifteen minutes, the tea began to settle her stomach enough for her to stand. “Are we doing this now?”

Lily smiled, leading her into the bedroom, “yes. We’re doing it now. The sooner you get it back, the better. We’ll be that much further from the written prophecy. Do you need help getting dressed or anything?”

Lav flashed her a sly look, “you know, most people buy me a drink first before trying to get me naked.”She wiggled her eyebrows at her playfully and Lily smacked her on the arm.

“I always forget that you’re perpetually horny.” Lily said, snorting back a laugh. “Hurry up, our baby daddy is waiting on us.”

The demon groaned as she slowly got dressed in a fitted t-shirt and skinny jeans. She threw her long purple hair up into a messy bun before brushing her teeth. Once finished she rejoined the witches in the living room, purposefully avoiding Sweet Pea’s gaze. “Let’s get this over with.”

Lily had cast the spell an hour before this, knowing that the vargulf was much too sick to move. In the event that he had changed locations, she had more blood to redo the spell. Although she didn’t think that would be at all necessary. Her intuition was much sharper now that she was with Jughead. It was amazing the kind of power soulmate sex magic could give you. She wished Lavender understood that, because with the added power of the baby inside of her then she could potentially be much stronger than her captor.

Kurtz had been sleeping in a run down apartment complex on the other side of the Southside. Using her powers of seduction, Lavender was able to get the exact apartment number from the lobby attendant. She found it a little too easy to get him to submit to her will, taking any kind of fun that she may have had out of it.

Her display with the small man made Sweet Pea on edge, and he had no idea why he cared. It wasn’t as if she was actually interested in this mortal loser. When she rejoined them, smirk on her plump lips, she finally looked at him. He held her gaze and they were almost pulled together by some magnetic force of attraction. Lily walked between them, breaking the moment before someone ripped someone else’s clothes off. She had no idea how she didn’t see the connection between them before, but since Sweet Pea’s soul was back in place it was getting more and more obvious.

Lav told Lily that he was in apartment 66 and she led them to the elevator to the sixth floor. Once there they made their way down the dirty hallway to the sixth apartment. Written in red beside the second 6 was a third, so that the numbers read 666. Lily didn’t refrain from rolling her eyes.

“Your turn.” She said to Sweet Pea as motioned for them to give him some space. Both women stepped back a few paces and he easily broke down the door. Lily gave him a deadpan stare, “I meant pick the lock. You’re such a brute.”

Sweet Pea shrugged before walking into the room, “it smells like rotten asshole in here.” He said, bringing his hand up to cover his mouth and nose.

Lily and Lav looked at each other with looks of disgust. “It’s Kurtz. Try having him in your bathtub after running around in the rain. As if I already didn’t have enough excuse to vomit.” Lav said, trying to will her nausea away.

Lily shook her head as she located the broken boy laying on a near bare mattress on the floor of the only bedroom. The soulmates were a step behind her. The white witch glanced at Lav, “call her here.” She instructed.

Lav nodded and closed her eyes, saying a silent prayer to Myra to bring her in. A split second later, Myra appeared. “Wha-” She stopped upon the sight of the two witches. “What are you two doing here? Shanna, I told you that you were not to be around them anymore.”

Myra moved, as if to attack her slave on the spot, however Sweet Pea stepped in front of her. His arms were crossed and there was a murderous look upon his face. Clearly she’d have to go through him, not that he was nearly as big of an obstacle as he thought he was.

“Myra.” Lily snapped, her voice sounding commanding. “We’re here to make a deal.”

The demoness turned, looking at the small witch with contempt. “What deal would I make with a mortal?”

She motioned towards Kurtz. His unconscious body was eerily close to death. “I can heal him. I can save him. All you have to do is one thing for me in return.”

Myra’s eyes flitted between her lover and her mortal enemy. She knew the only way to heal him was through white magic. White magic with Lily possessed in abundance. Did she let Kurtz die? Or did she save him and do what the witch asked?

It was minutes before an answer came. “What do you want?” She asked through gritted teeth. Her weakness had been found and there was no way to hide it now.

Lily shrugged nonchalantly. “Give Lavender her soul and freedom back. That’s it. Do that and I’ll make him healthy and human again.”

Myra’s jaw nearly dropped at the request. Her fists clenched so hard that her sharp nails tore into the flesh of her palms, blood seeping slowly from between her fingers. “You want me to what?”

“You heard me.” Lily countered, her gaze unwavering. “Her soul and freedom for Kurtz’s health.”

“This won’t stop it.” Myra said hotly, knowing that they now possessed one of the few books with the ill fated prophecy inside. “The two of them having their souls back is not enough to stop it. I will have that child, and I will take her to hell to my father, and hell will reign supreme.”

A bored expression crossed Lily’s face. “That’s fine.” Her cool tone put the demon on edge. Was this some kind of trap? Did she know already how to stop the apocalypse? Or was she bluffing?

Myra turned once more to Kurtz, who let out a painful wheeze. “Do it. Heal him and I’ll bring it back.”

“Nuh uh.” Lily replied, shaking her head. “Soul first, healing after.”

Myra’s skin seemed to turn red with rage. Sweet Pea moved to the side as Myra approached Lavender one more time. She put two fingers onto the succubus’ pulse point, in which the pentacle was engraved. After chanting a few words, Lav felt intense waves of emotion flooding through her. She stumbled back, and she would have fallen had Sweet Pea not caught her. He held her in her arms, as Lav began to feel ice cold.

“It’s no use.” Myra said, “it’s been in the coldest, darkest parts of hell for two decades. Even soulmate magic won’t heal it.”

“We’ll see about that.” Lily said as she moved to Kurtz and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead while her palms held his cheeks. It took a fair amount of concentration and energy, but after a powerful pulse of white magic, Kurtz was devoid of the vargulf curse.

Lily released him from her grasp, standing straight and pretending not to feel faint from the mass use of her power. “This is a one time deal.” Lily said threateningly. “I won’t heal him a second time. You’d be wise not to put another curse on him.”

Myra simply glared. Sweet Pea picked up Lavender in both arms, her head lulling against his chest sleepily. Lily motioned for them to leave first, in case Myra had some kind of trick up her sleeve.

Once they were out, Lily had to rest against the wall. Sweet Pea gave her a worried look. “We should have brought Jughead.”

“Jughead is being stubborn right now. I’ll be okay, just give me a second.” Lily said as she took a few good deep breaths.

Sweet Pea looked down at the demon in his arms. “What did Myra mean by soulmate magic? I didn’t think demons had soulmates.”

Lily sighed, “they don’t. But hybrids with human souls do.” She had promised Lavender that she wouldn’t say, however the time felt right. She wasn’t sure when she’d get a chance and Lav was near unconsciousness. “Sweet Pea, there’s a reason it had to be you.” She said cryptically, hoping he’d get it.

His eyes hardened. “She’s not…” Suddenly a lot of his feelings made sense. The insane attraction, the addictiveness to the sex he had with her, and while he was very pissed off that his soulmate was a succubus of all things, it was also relieving to know that he wasn’t somehow under some kind of spell. His shoulders slumped with defeat. “Then she can fix me.” He added softly.

Lily smiled, “you can fix each other.”

When they arrived back at Sunnyside, Lily did not follow them into the house. Instead she bid them farewell and decided to go back to the cottage where Jughead was watching over Daisy. Sweet Pea had asked her repeatedly if she was alright, seeing her sway as she walked as if she were going to fall over at any minute. Lily insisted of course that she was fine and just needed rest, which she would get once she got home.

In the meantime she told him to stay with Lavender and do some healing when she wakes up, because they were both in desperate need of it. Sweet Pea, unsure how he felt about having sex with Lav after what happened last time, didn’t really want to do any of the ‘healing’ magic she was talking about. Even if this was an entirely different situation.

Lavender had fallen asleep at some point during their return. Slowly her body heat had returned to her and he was no longer worried about her possibly being hypothermic. Still she was clutched onto his denim vest rather tightly, as if he was going to up and drop her at any moment.

Once he was inside the house, he took her into the master bedroom and laid her down on the bed. As soon as he pulled away from her though, her eyes opened up lazily. “I’m cold.” She mumbled to him, almost incoherently. Sweet Pea sat down next to her, unsure of what he should do in the moment.

Lav sat up, rubbing her forehead for a moment before reaching out to touch him. She gently pushed her influence into him, making him turn and give her a confused look. “You didn’t have a soul.” She said simply, knowing what was stopping him. She had been awake enough to hear Lily’s last words to him, her kind suggestion for them to make up. “Make it up to me now.” Her voice became a whisper as she pulled her hand away.

Sweet Pea slipped off his denim vest and the flannel he had on underneath. Lav sat up and took off her shirt in one fluid motion. “Just, uh, don’t touch my chest. My boobs are really sore right now.” A light blush crossed her fair cheeks as she continued to look up at him sheepishly. He had no idea a demon could conjure up such a look and still be genuine.

“They’re bigger.” He commented, checking out her breasts. “Perks of pregnancy.”

A small pout formed on her lips, “Perk? They’re driving me nuts. How am I supposed to get off if you can’t touch them?”

Sweet Pea couldn’t help but laugh somewhat darkly, “I’ll get you off just fine, trust me.”

She rolled her eyes at him, taking her bra off and he noticed her nipple piercings were gone. “You’re letting them close?” He had quite liked them, if he were at all honest with himself. Seeing them gone was a little saddening.

“I’m essentially a shapeshifter. I can make my piercings come and go as I please. They’ll be back once I’m baby free.” Lav answered, catching his disappointment. It was quite amusing to her.

“So you can turn into anyone?” He asked curiously.

She shrugged, “anyone in my imagination, sure.”

He wondered how he could use this to his advantage sometime in the future. Since they were soulmates he foresaw plenty of sex in their lifetime and if she could shapeshift then he could practically have sex with anyone he wanted to. The thought was a bit reinvigorating.

Then, another thought crossed his mind, “so what do you really look like?” He asked, curious.

Lav laughed a bit then, “I looked like this when I was a human, pretty much. I didn’t have as many piercings and I’m naturally blonde. I just love the color purple.”

She didn’t waste much more time, tugging her pants off and throwing up off to the side. Sweet Pea’s eyes swept down her legs, enjoying the view as he got rid of his own pants.

Whenever they were both down to just underwear, Sweet Pea kneeled down between her legs, grabbing both of her thighs with his large hands to pull her down further onto the bed so that she was on her back. Lav let out a small giggle which urged him to go farther.

He grabbed the elastic of her underwear and slid them down her legs before tossing them to the side. The succubus watched him closely, having not expected him to eat her out. He just didn’t seem the type.

He kissed up her thighs, alternating between left and right until he reached her labia. His tongue teased the slit between them and Lavender shuddered in his grasp. The tip of his tongue reached her clit and circled in slowly.

Lav let out a small whimper, unable to stand the anticipation. Sweet Pea was smirking against her skin as he began to suck on the sensitive bundle of nerves. He easily inserted his middle finger into her core, moving it at a languid pace. The demon bit her lip to try and keep herself from squirming.

Sweet Pea continued the ministrations with his tongue, even biting her clit lightly to tease her. He increased the speed of his finger, curling it inside her to what felt like the perfect angle.

The faster he moved, the more breathy she became. Whimpering and mewling, her hips eventually jerking until he held them down with his free hand. He was pumping his finger as fast as he possibly could and she wondered how she could feel so much pleasure from just a single digit.

His tongue was lapping at her clit at a furious pace, sucking harder and harder until she hit her peak. Her toes curled almost painfully, her eyes flashing black as her back arched. Lav shook, gasping from the intensity as he licked her clean.

Already the pieces of her soul felt as if they were beginning to reconnect. It was a dizzying sensation that left her feeling like the room was spinning. She briefly wondered if he was feeling the same.

The room wasn’t spinning for Sweet Pea, but he was feeling something much more powerful than the intense depression that had been plaguing him. He watched her come down ever so gently from her high and wondered how he was so lucky to get a soulmate as beautiful as she was.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Lav asked after finally regaining her ability to see straight. “It’s weird, stop.” His gaze had been bordering on affectionate and despite being soulmates it was entirely too strange to her after how he had previously treated her.

Sweet Pea snorted, “you’re such a brat.” He mumbled before kissing her neck. She immediately forgot her discomfort and moaned lightly into his ear. The sound was sinfully harmonious.

“Don’t you like brats, daddy?” She teased, brushing her hips upward so that his hard clothed cock rubbed against her thigh. He couldn’t help but groan into the kiss against her pulse. Since the brand was gone, it no longer hurt her for him to touch it.

She reached down and tugged his boxers down as far as she could reach. He lifted up and took them off the rest of the way, parting from her flesh for only a brief moment before returning to leave black and purple bruises across her jugular.

Her hand delicately wrapped around his shaft, moving up and down gently. He couldn’t help but thrust into her grasp, making her giggle in response. “You don’t have to be so gentle.” She coaxed, “I know that’s not your forte. It’s not mine either.”

Sweet Pea sat up so he could look down at her and gauge whether or not she was telling the truth. “Are you sure?” He asked, knowing that last time he had been much too rough with her and now he wanted to make up for it...even if it made the sex a bit less enjoyable in his opinion.

She smiled at him assuredly. “Trust me, you won’t hurt me again.” She then yanked him down for a forceful kiss to prove to him that she did not want this to be some boring love making session. That wasn’t what she needed, even if that’s what he thought she did.

“Then roll over.” He growled at her after breaking the kiss. He lifted off of her enough so she could turn onto her stomach, immediately she pushed her ass up to rub against his erection. He grunted, teasing her by moving his hips in a subtle jerk.

He pressed his palm between her shoulder blades and forced her upper body down against the mattress, his hand slid down her spine as he sat up on his knees. Once he was up he gave her ass a firm slap hard enough to leave a red hand print. Lav let out a whine at the stinging pain.

“Keep your legs together.” He ordered as he grabbed his dick and aligned himself up to her pussy, pushing in without much hesitation. Lavender kept her knees together as his hand trailed back up her spine to grab the loose bun on the top of her head and yank it back.

The pulling of her hair forced her to sit back up, she cursed lightly under her breath at how amazing it felt to be completed by him once more. She could have never imagined how much better the sex would feel with both of their souls now intact with their corporal forms.

Sweet Pea held onto her hair in one hand while the other gripped her hip. He pulled back to the point where the only part of him within her was the head of his penis, then he snapped his hips roughly into her. The action elicited a loud moan, the force and friction sending thrills up her spine and making her head spin once more with delight.

He stayed still for another brief moment before doing it again and again, building up speed with each thrust. His hold on her kept her in place so that she couldn’t jerk forward away from him with the force of his thrusts.

She was moaning more, much louder now than she had been when he was using his mouth to pleasure her. She had been quiet then, almost meek. Now she was definitely unabashed and whatever had held her back before was totally gone. He absolutely adored the noises coming from her, the sounds urging him to go faster and harder.

Once he reached a good rhythm, he pulled her hair hard enough to bring her into a more upward position. As soon as he could comfortably reach her throat, the hand that had been on her hip grabbed around it, his palm against the front and fingers wrapping almost totally around it.

He applied pressure slightly, only adding more when he thrust into her. Lavender’s lightheadedness grew and just when she thought she might be completely gone, his grip slackened. Blood surged through her neck and into her brain, flooding her with endorphins. She gasped for breath, “ Fuck ,” was all she could manage to say before he began nearing her to the edge again.

His repeatedly making her consciousness bob up and down had her ready to come and somehow he knew this without her having to tell him. He kept his grip loose now as if daring her to struggle against him. “Come on you little whore,” He said in an authoritative tone. “Come all over daddy’s dick. You like getting choked like this, don’t you? Fucking slut.”

Lav cried out, her eyes deep pools of obsidian as she orgasmed for a second time. She grabbed his wrist, claws digging into him to the point of drawing blood. Sweet Pea moaned at the pain, somehow managing to move his hips faster before releasing his grip on her so he could hold onto her hips again.

Lav fell forward onto the bed, the only reason her hips and ass stayed up were because he was holding onto him. In minutes he was coming inside of her, filling her core with semen. Sweet Pea breathed heavily, holding the same position until he regained his wits about him. He pulled out and released his hold on her, guiding her hips to lay down on the bed softly.

He collapsed next to her, arms stretched above his head with his eyes closed. A moment later he felt a small weight on his chest and he knew it was her head. She uncurled herself from the position he had left her in so that her body was flush against his side. Her leg lifted so that their thighs were crossing and her arm lazily flung around his waist.

“You know Lily is going to make you live here now.” She said, her eyes also closed as she was on the verge of falling asleep. She felt so incredibly full that it was making her drowsy.

Sweet Pea hummed, “Does that mean I can have sex with you whenever I want?” He asked, his voice obviously hopeful.

Lav snorted back at him, “No. It means you can have sex with me whenever I want.”

He couldn’t stop the chuckle from coming out of his mouth, “it’s a deal.”

Meanwhile in Fox Forest, Lily had arrived at the cottage. She entered, dragging her feet as she forced herself to push forward. Jughead, sensing her exhaustion quickly met her in the entryway, catching her as she started to collapse onto the floor.

“Lily?” He asked worriedly as he picked her up. “You should have called me, I would have picked you up!”

Lily let out a small tired sigh. Despite her state, there was a smile on her face. “They can be happy now, Jug. It worked.”

Jughead sighed as he carried her into her bedroom. “I’m glad it worked, Lils, but you really should have called me. I could have brought Daisy with me. What if you had passed out in the forest? It’s not safe.”

She didn’t seem to be hearing his lecture though. As he laid her down she grabbed him, pulling him in for a loving kiss. His energy entwined with hers beautifully, her skin practically glowing with the new source of energy. Jughead pulled away lightly. “It was reckless-”

“Where’s Daisy?” She asked, ignoring his chiding her again.

“She’s playing in her room.” Jughead said. “I believe the stuffed animals were having some kind of important coven meeting. I didn’t want to disturb her because it sounded serious.”

Lily couldn’t help but laugh. He was so good to her little girl and it was so refreshing to know that she could trust him with her when she needed to. He was so amazing. “She wants to ride on your back next full moon. I told her no and she cried about it for hours.”

Jug cocked his head to the side, “she wants a ride? I can do that.”

“Jug, please, you don’t have to.” Lily said, trying not to giggle at the mental image. “She’ll get over it.”

He grinned, “it’ll be fun! We can even put a necklace on me to act as reigns and-”

She silenced him with another kiss. “If that’s what you want to do, my love.”

The wolf relented to his urge to crawl into bed with her. He laid down and pulled her into his chest so he could bury his face in her light colored hair. “Did you ever figure out what the last bit of the prophecy meant? Light meeting dark to bring balance or whatever?”

Lily let out a small sigh, “not yet. I’m still working on it.”

He gave her body an affectionate squeeze, “just rest for now. We’ll try to decipher it later.” She let out a contented sound before letting herself succumb to sleep.

Tag List: @the-gargoyle-queen, @lilhemmo, @wayward-river, @southside-vixen, @princesweetpea, @redhairdontcare732 (comment/ask/message if you want to be added or subscribe to AO3)

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#sweet pea #sweet pea x oc #jughead jones #jughead jones x oc #kurtz #riverdale #kurtz x oc #sweet pea imagine #sweet pea fanfic #jughead jones imagine #jughead jones fanfic #riverdale imagine #riverdale fanfic #lavender rhodes #lily owens #myra vaughn #in the shadows

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charmed-asylum · 5 years ago

Text

The Partners

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳𝘴, 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 6

Summary: Finn Cox had everything boy would ever dream of a hot cheerleader girlfriend, loved by everyone, and caption of his hockey team. So why is since Camille Dawson step into his life he starts to have second thoughts about everything

FYI: I can not believe we are finally hitting the climax of this love story. Finally coming back up to present where we left our lovesick Finn. Things are gonna go good to great HOLY SHIT back to dang it. WARNING: it's OVER 5K

✨ The Partners: 1/ 2/ 3/ 4/ 5 ✨ // Master List

tagged: @weapinggwillowss @nottherightseason @strangerfictions @thewolfswriting @ hauntors

Finn waited outside The Mouse for her. His hands in his pocket old brown leather jacket zip up. The breeze sways his thick chestnut brown hair around with the smell of pine trees. He checks with Will she had nothing. So no excuses. With the past few days she was less like herself when they were together she didn’t speak much. Then there were the long moments in the bathroom. Silent moments.

She walked out around 2:50. Fifty minutes past her schedule. She didn’t realize he was there at first. Her hair was loose in front of her eye like the way it uses to be. Holding her brown apron with The Mouse logo, a little mouse and squirrel, wearing dark denim jeans and a vintage tour t-shirt. “ This is a plot twist" Camille said walking up to him. Finn smiled at her whit. “ Come on. Today I’m the driver. I check you are clear. Will out on business. My dad at work fine” Finn said taking her things. She rolls her eyes and taps him on the shoulder. “ I’m sure you are not gonna tell me what this is about for real or where we going” Camille says walking next to him to his car. She stops by the passenger door for a second. The breeze play with her hair. Finn got in and pop the door for her. “ I won’t bite come in” Finn said. Camille shocks her head and got in.

The music was playing loud booming “ Remember our third work meeting. We were still getting to know each other. I had practice and you came by. I couldn’t stop working so you got out on the ice" Finn started to say. “ For the first time” Camille added. “ Yes. On the ice with your two left feet. You kept falling but kept getting up again and again” Finn said looking at her. She turns towards him and smiles. He loved how determined she always is. “ Finn Cox you better not bring me with the Ice Box” Camille said seriously. He stops the car got out and open the door for her. A big sign that looks like it came out from disco 70s. He stood behind her and look off blindfolded. “ You said one day I’m gonna get you back. Now we gonna see. Each Friday they have good music skates and a lot of glow sticks” Finn said with a bright smile. One way into her heart was always glowing sticks. One of the many weird facts he learns during their time together. As they walk inside kids everywhere parents following them with pop in one hand and shoes in another. Camille's eyes were bright but her body was still she just look around. Dazed.

“ My parents when they were alive they brought me here. a few times. I completely forgot about this place” Camille said looking at a pinball machine. Eyes glitter with silver. Her phone started to ring. She glanced at it,” Take it 12 hours I don’t want it. I’m all yours". Finn looks at it and turns it off. “ My mom used to take me here too. Hey, you think we might have been game buddies. I know all the cheats to all the games" Finn ask handing her rollerblades. “Probably" she said with a grin. They paint each other face with glow in the dark face paint and went out to the rink. She was right she was good. She glides and spins like a leaf flying gracefully in the air on a fall afternoon. Finn followed her around in around. Holding onto her hand he stops her. “ So gonna tell me what wrong” Finn asked. She turns to him and continues to skate. “ No. I’m fine. So story behind your mom bringing you here” she said still skating backward. Fin let go of her hand and went to hold onto the side for a break. Camille stops and skates back towards him. “ My parents had me late in life I was the oops baby. She would bring me here and we skate around play as long as I wanted. Me and her time. Then at the end of each time while we sip cherry temple in crazy straws she would ask me to talk and I would and go on and on and she listens. Kinda like what you do” Finn said. Camille hops on the side and rubs his bicep gently. “ Can you get me two cherry temples demand the crazy straws and kept the change for the games? “ Camille asked a passing a kid hand over a 50. “ We got the drinks we got the glow sticks. Now tell me how your day” Camille said, Finn. He hated how good she was this it was her day and still she was made it all about him. She waited with a smile. Till he was ready.

They continue laughing as they toss the balls up. Camille laughs and holds her hand to her face. “ No no, I can top that. So in college freshman year. When people found out I was from Alaska which as you know I move here. So I am from somewhere else they always ask stupid questions. One was who are you? What are you? I would go what do you mean what am I.. I’m a girl. They are like no. What are you” she stops and got another 100 points this time not even looking. “What would you say” Finn ask into the story. Holding the ball in her hand she looks at him and said,” I say I am not what you think what your mind simply places me. I am more than meets the eye. More than face value. My father was part of the Alaskan Athabaskan till he ran away looking for better and in time he meets my mom. Gorgeous Puerto Rican. They always then ask did you live in an igloo” Camille said in a wonderful fake British accent. Finn drops the ball on the ground and look at her then started to laugh harder. “ We gotta go. We got somewhere we gotta be let’s go“ Finn said grabbing her hand. She stops and frowns. “ But I’m winning” she said. “ Come on you like it” he said pulling her away giving all their tickets to a little kid with pink tails.

They pulled up to airplane runway far back by the woods. Finn hops out with his hands in his pocket waiting for Camille. She looked around and then at him. Taking her he holds her tight. “ I got something but you gotta trust me” Finn said with his head on top of hers. She looked up to him and tickle him off. “ I think I’m balls deep my friend.I’m at the no turning back so what the hell blinds me again” Camille asks. She trusts him with no-fault headfirst he was the same way she could ask anything and he will do it with at a thought.

Finn had a hookup thanks to a parent. They fly high in the sky, dark glitter sparkle night the same as in her eyes or her smile. Camille smile and look out the window by Finn's side. “ When I was done you gave me a spot. Worst place in my life. You were there. I just wanted to show you a place we both can go to” Finn said looking out. Camille looked back at him then out at the stars. “ Where we going” Camille asked. His eyes glisten against the stars his heartbeat to the sounds of nature around him. “ You see somewhere magical" Finn said hold Camille's hand.

She waited by the wooden lodge as Finn finished up with the pilot. The breeze hit her face softly with the wind blowing against her hair. “ All my time I never did this. Come on we got a few hours" Finn said running inside with the bags. Camille casually walks in behind him. “ You going to tell me how you got this. I wanna pitch in” Camille said going through her wallet. He stops by the front desk and took her wallet from her wiggling it in his hand before pocketing it. She sighed and continued to walk beside him. “ Will pay for it alright" Finn said ringing the bell. Camille sat against the wooden desk and face the lobby. Finn rang it once more. No one. She pulled at her sweater and walk around by the fireplace.

He wanted it to perfect but he didn’t account the fact it wasn’t gonna be clear. She tried to make him laugh to feel better. There he was supposed to be and again it was her at the end trying to make him feel better. She talked him into checking out the game room down in the basement as an adventure. They spent hours talking, Finn talking more Camille of course listening. Watching TV even getting a glimpse of the light show that dances across the sky. He wasn’t the boy he was before and she wasn’t the girl, they were more. Still, they didn’t know yet but they were different.

After some sweet talking Camille was able to sweet-talk her way back for her phone. He wanted to tell her that night he wanted to kiss her delicious sweet angelic lips as they watch the sky. Holding her small waist sweet smell of heaven and ice cream swinging her back and forth as the old music from the record player play. He wanted all of that but there was one thing she wasn’t his.

Finn knew he had to deal with it. That feeling he had probably always had. He had her every day of every week for at least two months. The time he enjoyed every bit of it.

Camille song of the day was a one-hit-wonder from the 80s. She even got him into it this time. Singing off-key with her. “ I can’t believe it. After all these years you talk me into coming with you here” Camille said pulling into the parking lot. Finn was thrilled now finally first time in ever he had complete control in something he knew hockey. Picking up his backpack and bag of supplies he walks beside her into the rink goofing around.

“ The kids gonna flip. They think we are dating. You know. Our little new boy talks you up. Rest well went off with their little brains" Finn said taking out the equipment. She sat on the wall and watch him. “Don’t we all when we so young. So what on the plan today coach" Camille said kicking her feet as she watched. He stops and looks back giving her a huge smile. “ No I’m gonna have a bit of fun. Come on help before they show up” Finn said tossing a rag at her.

They came running like they were all going through a sugar rush. Finn was the big prize they all wanted to win. Camille giggles at this till the kids realize she was there and attack her on the ice. He laughed so hard that a bit came out. “ So Miss. Dawson gonna help us out a bit today. And maybe if you good enough and ask a whole bunch of times she come back” Finn announced in front of the kids. Each of them cheers and pulled at her shirt. I’m gonna get you back so hard Camille mouth to him as she smiles at the kids.

It was nothing but an unusual game of hockey boys with Camille and girls with Finn. Shockingly Camille and her team weren’t so bad. In the end, they all enjoyed themselves. Being silly with the kids. Bit eat my ice chips bickering from one another when the kids were not looking. A few slips and falls thanks to the one and only Camille.

Camille stops midway tickling Sarah when her phone started going off for the fifth time. She glanced at it and turn it off once more. “Everything okay. It might be Will or something" Finn said picking up Timmy into the air. Putting her phone back in her pocket she nods her head no.

Each kid begs Camille to come back when she quickly agreed. “ So I guess I got some competition now huh” Finn said cleaning up. Tossing some rags at him she puts up her hands like a boxer. “ I think I’m ready for you Finno. Those kids shall be mine haha” Camille says playfully. Finn puts his hands up too and pretends to be alone with her. “ No Cam cam they shall be mine. Forever moo haha” Finn said with an evil smile. She giggled and went into a player ready pose, hand out ready for combat.

“ I have to say, sir. Cox. I never thought I would see you be so good with kids. They love you” Camille said driving down the highway. “You didn’t know. I’m fooling them all with my charm for their money and youth” Finn said looking at her. “ Well I’m impressed dear Finno" Camille said. Her phone starts to ring again. “ You doing anything today. We can chill and watch some movies or something “ Finn asked. Camille just kept glancing at the phone not paying much attention. “Yeah why not “ Camille finally said. He clapped his hands with excitement.

________________________

He waited patiently for her arrival. A half-hour she said an hour ago. Everything was ready the movies, sparkling juice, music playing, and the blankets. “ What are you doing having it look like an old 90s boy band music video in here” Dad says as he reads the Sunday paper.

“ Nothing. Me and Cam we are huh chilling today. Movie night” Finn said walking into the kitchen. Dad picked up from his paper. “ Oh. Well, she might be a minute she was outside when I arrived. Upset” Dad said taking a sip of his coffee. Finn rushes past him to the window. Camille, of course, was sitting on the curve hunched over. “I wonder what happened" Finn said peaking out the window. Dad finished with his coffee and the newspaper look out over Finn's shoulder. “ Son if you are to be a gentleman then go out there if not best you stay away. She needs that now” Dad said then left for work. “ You say that like she is your daughter and I’m the random boy" Finn shout out to him. “ Sometimes I feel she is. Remember GENTLEMEN“ Dad said. Peaking back out he saw dad waving bye to Camille.

She sat there silently looking out. Stiff as aboard. No emotions just the dry tears and fluffy rosy cheeks. He never saw her like this. She was always alright no emotions people first. Now she is defenseless variable. Whoever did this Finn wanted to kick them a new one. She looks back at him then back at the ground.

“ I was-" Camille started to say. “ No look. I’m just gonna sit next to you. We don’t have to speak just know I’m what you need Cam” he said sitting beside her. She nodded a bit and look back down. He took her hands and mouth it be okay. Camille holds him tight around his arms and started to cry. Her cry sound like a sad melody playing on a beautiful string orchestra. It broke his heart to hear that. However, he knew he couldn’t he had to be strong be a gentleman. That right now was to simply sit on the curve in his sweats holding tight and never letting go.

She got up out of nowhere and walk in as if what occurred never happened. “You mind if I borrow a shirt or something I never made it home” Camille said putting the popcorn in a huge red and white ball. It was stunning. If a person never saw her minutes before you would never know. “ Yeah” Finn said leading against the countertops. She insisted they watch his favorites the ones she would usually say no to. They lay close to one another his left arm around the back of the couch, her position in her spot right on his chest with his other hand as a cover for all the scary parts. He kept looking down at her amazed and after a few hours, she fell asleep. He watches her wonder what she dreamed about. Was he anyway in it? Like in his dreams. Even after he got up he watches her peaceful with her phone in his hands.

The talk was not long. All he could remember was red. Only on the phone with him for five minutes and he already hated him. His I’m from New England or some better than you shit. Prick even had a girl there when he called. A few words till everything went blank and see you there dick. “Such a freakin dick shit” Finn said.

“ You can say that again” Camille said standing behind him. She stood there with sleepy eyes and an old quilt over her shoulders. “ I thought you were sleeping. Just how much you heard ” Finn said worriedly. She smiled and gradually sat down against the wall. “ I woke up. And you were gone. Not much the ending” Camille said looking up to him with her innocent Bambi eyes. Finn was stunned by how she ended up with an 80s cliche dick head. So many questions and statements rush his brain. “ Two questions and a statement “ Camille stated nonchalantly. Shaking his head no,” No ten” . “Five questions and a statement” Camille said pulling at the blanket.

He sat down across from her legs spread out. “ Was he a dick? Why you start to date him? Is he always a dick? Why did you think you deserve that him? Such a fucking dick! Did he make you upset?" Finn blurted out.

“ James wasn’t that bad. Just. He not much an ass as he is just entitled. When we first met he thought I was fish bait till I had a gathering at Will Manhattan penthouse. Then he kept and kept asking till I said yes. I was different from him. It was for 2 years. Years invested. I was everything Finn perfect girlfriend friend perfect everything. His family loves me more than him. So did his friends. You know. I always went to anything and did everything. Just one thing I just wanted one thing. All I wanted was for him to visit. Always with the excuses. Just come see meet Will Eddie you. 2 years I invested into him and only him. I got sick of it so I called it off. He begged and begged. Probably because of Will and Tina never end connections to all things money. That was the reason he kept asking. Like today still, I asked and he gave me no answer. I couldn’t do it anymore. Love should not ever be that hard” Camille said softly. Finn sigh. He kept popping up ways to beat the shit out of this dick.

Finn sat still waiting for Camille to change. “ You mind if tonight we... If I just lay beside you. Hold you a bit. I don’t want to be alone right now” Camille asked hastily. He nods surprise but this request. They lay beside each other with Camille arm wrap around him. He was in heaven when she was at her lowest. All he wanted to do was suck up all the pain anger sadness from her. Kiss her thin lips that she always nibble on and tell her it to be okay. For now, he held her tight and not let go. Shield her from everything.

Dad woke him up eyes wide open mouth to the floor. “ Don’t worry. We did nothing “ he whispered to him. She was fast asleep. He turned to her watch as she sleeps like a baby angel. Moving her hair out her face. His hand rested against his head other holding hers. Without hesitation he reaches in he did it he kissed her gently on edges of her lips.

Slowly opened her eyes she smiled and said,” Good morning". He reached in and kiss her again this time holding her closer. She holds him tight and kisses back. Taste of sweet honey bit of spice and intoxicating. They lay there holding onto each other their mouths moving with one another. His hands split between giving all his attention to her plum ass and cover beast. Her smooth small hands claw onto his back to bring him in deeper. After what felt like hours Camille finally pulled out smiling and giggling like a schoolgirl. “Has anyone ever tell you you are an excellent kisser? “ Finn said holding her hand. She glances his big hands wrap in her petite ones. "Yes" Camille says with confidence. She played with his hair a bit and nibble down on her lip. While he just stares into her eyes in full bliss.

She turned him over and sat up in bed. Rubbing her back he started kissing her again. “ Can't we stay in bed. Keep each other warm” Finn asked. Getting up she kisses his hand softly“ Why can't we just sit. Chill. We don’t know what this is. Or isn’t.” Camille said looking over her shoulder to him. He said nothing. She was right. Even if he didn’t want to hear it she was right.

“ Cam. I’m so happy. Don’t you and I deserve that? Be happy for once Figure it out later” Finn said still rubbing her back. She holds his hand a bit tight. Soft-touch that made him more smitten by her.

“ We do deserve that” she said playing with his fingers. Finn lay on her thighs and play with her fingers till they intertwined. “ Yes. We both do” Finn finally said. He kissed her hand gently and look at her. Taste of cherry blossom jasmine from her body lotion. Her eyes finally meet his. Soulful eyes. The sparkle shimmer. He was forever lost in her eyes her smile. Part of him wonders if it was something or simply reflect. " This summer has been everything I ever wanted. I mean my kids' thing is doing well. I'm gonna be done with my classes soon then I will be able to be back on track. Away from this small town. Before I got hurt. When life was perfect" he says staring at her. Still. She was frozen still. Then slowly she looks at their hands locked together. "Your welcome I guess. I didn’t do much. Finn. Small town....before like what before" she said still looking down at their hands.

He looks at her. Confused. " Don't look at me like that. This town a bloodsucker. Before I got hurt I was on track. Before I was hurt. My life was perfect" he says. She looks at him then back away.

Plopping side her watch her soulful eyes racing back and forth. Her mouth was a little open. Getting closer he takes his free hand and touches her checks. Then he slowly goes to kiss her. All of a sudden she lets go and starts to get up. Looking back at the now lonely hand she peaks at him then back down. " Don't you feel. Things happen for a reason, Finn. You getting hurt. Being here" she says still looking at his hand.

Grinning at her he slowly continues her shoulders rubbing them. " Don’t know. Cam Why do you care. We can finally be together. Don't you" he starts to say. She gradually grabs his hand off her. Soft. Turn fully towards him. " You don't mean that. You and your dad are better. You can finally think about what you want. If you never got hurt. We would have never got to see each other. You would of live your life without me" she says breathlessly. Her face was priceless. Shock. Stun. Confused.

Looking at her, " We would still see each other. You would have said sorry about my mom and I would forgive you. Or I- ". She pushes away from him and gets up. " Thought you change but I was stupid. Stupid and foolish. I should have never done this. Never help your dad. Gave air to you. Your the same. How would we ever see each other? Finn. We went years without talking. I have to go before I say something. I won’t be able to take back” she says grabbing her things and throws her shoes on. Was she leaving? Getting up he grabs her by the arm. Looking at her. She looks away and starts to go.

“Truth is you never ask. Just did. Finn, you were able to go back to life or at less fake it. Me it took five years to fake that night the kiss that year never change me as much as you. You will never understand what you took from me. What you did. Shut I even left and tried everything to fill it. THAT VOILD Date a guy that thinking about it now kinda looks just like you. Always stay in touch with your family. Being here isn’t the mistake of your perfect life. NO! it’s you. Act as nothing happens. God, I wish it was that easy and you almost had me believe it. That it can be. Your five years and a kiss late to tell me. You miss me” she continued to her car. She stops look back at him tears starting to come down her cheeks “I wish it was easy to hate you but I know that deep down I couldn't ever love someone as I did with you like I still do. And it's unfair not only to us but to everyone else. I can't ever move on because you ruin it for them too” She said grabbing her keys out her purse leaving her wallet on the ground. He starts to run down the road after her but stops three blocks down. SHIT

Walking back to the house he stops and picks up her wallet. Mad at her being foolish stupid and selfish. He grabs the first bottle of alcohol from the kitchen. Slam the door to his room he starts drinking and playing loud music. Kicking and screaming her names as loud as he can. He threw the bottle against the wall. As he picks up the broken pieces he grabs her wallet from the ground. Slouch over with her wallet in his hands. He opens it. Debit card, some black credit cards, a few business cards, school id, driver license, and whop money. Stopping mid count. He saw the picture that was taken their last day in the photo booth. It was worn out. He was as numb as a rock. Looking down at this simple happy time. Knowing what happens after that last frame. But even worse the next day. Grabbing out his old leather wallet behind the money, phone numbers and condoms was the same photo. Numb. Of emotions.

I was wrong. I was wrong and now I think I might mess up for the last time. I thought my life end when I got hurt. But it has been all along. The day I left her behind. Pussy out of everything. Sitting there realizing what I did. What I had to do.

I look back out at the house. My heartbeat goes faster and faster with each minute. I should have told her been truthful with her. Fix it before it’s too late. Breathe.

The run to Camille's front door felt like walking in quicksand. I bagged on the door as hard as I could, calling for her. Nothing. So I walked over to where her room use to be. Trying to look in. Nothing. I called and called for her. It can’t end like this.

“ You need to stop” Will said standing behind me.

“ I need her. Come on Will get her for me please” I begged him. He was upset which means Camille probably said a little bit and ran to her room.

I ran over to the back hopping over the fence to see if she was by the treehouse. NOPE. I knock and knock hoping she answers before Will catch up.

“ Just stop. Don’t you even understand what all this been like for her? What mess you left behind. Finn, I love you like a son I am never going to have just don’t come back” Will said holding his cellphone.

I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to stay until she forgives me. But the words he said left behind. It stuck to me. Echo in my head though my blood. I didn’t realize that. Till now.

“ Just huh tell her. I love her. Tell her I need her. Please “ I beg to him. He looked at me and I knew. He wasn’t gonna tell her. I couldn’t be mad because if my daughter was in there cry and some jackass said what I said I probably do the same and kick his ass for thinking so. “ Just go. Finn. Maybe. Just go” Will said then walk back inside. I watch as he walks back inside. I swear from the corner of my eye I saw her peaking from her window.

Each day for the rest of the summer I sat in my car waiting for her. Waiting. Hoping she would see me. Instead, she simply left. My dad finally after hours of begging told me she spent the rest of her summer with her aunt. How can I mess with her so much that she goes with her aunt? The one that handed Will full custody of her when they got divorce with no fight. Camille never came back to Alaska. The house she lived in was sold and given to another family. Will would visit but he wouldn't say a single word to me. I couldn't get mad at him, how can I. He spoke to my dad. But never to me.

She didn't put much on her social media page, probably because she knew I will be looking. I even though I have not seen her I pray for her each night to this day. I think of her when I'm brushing my teeth when I'm with my dad the kids. At first, I wonder if she thought the same.

Probably not. Still, I do. No matter what. Memorize her Punishing myself with our picture I keep on myself all the time.

#ya fiction #fiction #love #love story #romance #short story #the partners #finn #camille #teenage angst #angst #fluff #fic #jock #outsider #writeblr #life #sadness #hurt

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wordsandshawn · 6 years ago

Text

Better Left Unsaid

Request: can you write a blurb of best friend Shawn not being able to hide his feeling from you anymore after seeing you with a guy or just seeing you smile from across the room?? with a generous dash of angst.

A/n: Buckle up, it’s a long one (somewhere over 5k). I think it was worth the wait. The request was for angst, and i’m not the best with angst, but I gave it my best shot. Hope you enjoy!! I always appreciate feedback so feel free to drop a comment in my ask.

You’ve known Shawn since you were still kids in school together. Before he was Shawn Mendes, the singer, and before you moved away from Toronto to attend Uni, you were like two peas in a pod. Now, those days feel like a lifetime ago, but you’ve still remained close to Shawn, despite how much everything changed. Even though you barely see Shawn anymore because of his career, and you being off at Uni, you still talk to him quite often, which is pretty impressive considering how busy you both are.

The holidays are one of the only times that you can count on seeing Shawn, since you’re rarely home when he’s in Toronto and he’s rarely home when you are. Usually, you spend a lot of time over the holidays with Shawn when he’s back home. Any time not with your family is usually spent with Shawn, either just the two of you or with your larger group of friends.

This break is a tiny bit different because your boyfriend came home with you. You’ve only been dating for less than a month, but you both thought it would be a good opportunity for him to meet your family since you rarely come home to Toronto. If he didn’t come with you this holiday, he probably would not meet your family for a long time, so it just made sense for him to come, even though it might seem like you’re moving a bit fast.

Not telling Shawn you were bringing your new boyfriend home for the holidays was an accident. A big one, but still an accident nonetheless.

You’ve been home for a week already, but Shawn just arrived last night. So of course, you find at yourself at Shawn’s condo with all of your friends. Shawn invited all of his core friends, your main group that you’ve kept in touch with since high school. Once you received Shawn’s text, you immediately called him, realizing that you had forgotten to mention to Shawn that Tyler was home with you. The conversation was short and Shawn sounded distracted when you told him that Tyler was home and asked if it was okay if he could come too. Shawn, of course, said yes, but he was not nearly as enthused to meet your boyfriend as you thought he’d be. After ending the call, you wrote it off as Shawn was probably just busy thinking about a million other things, and it would be different at the party.

However, its not different. Shawn isn’t acting like you’re used to him acting. He’s been mostly silent since you walked into his condo. Too silent, especially for Shawn on a night like this. He likes to let loose and just have fun when his friends are over. He loves having everyone over and getting to forget all of his stresses, but it doesn’t seem like he’s doing that much tonight.

Shawn’s on his third Corona, and it’s been less than an hour, not to mention the shots he took with the guys shortly after you arrived, and you don’t know what or how much he drank before you showed up. You don’t mean to count, or to have been paying more attention to Shawn than to Tyler, but you can’t help it. Tyler hit it off with all of your friends, especially the guys. He’s great at talking to people and actually loves meeting new people, which is one of the things that you like the most about him.

Shawn is the same way, normally. Since high school, Shawn really came out of his shell and grew into himself, and you’re often pleasantly surprised by Shawn’s ability to connect with people so naturally. Tonight, though, that doesn’t seem to be the case. Despite Tyler’s easygoing and amicable demeanor, Shawn isn’t vibing with him, and he hasn’t said more than two words to Tyler or to you. In fact, he’s been on his phone and disengaged all evening.

You want to let yourself be thrilled over the fact that your boyfriend gets along so well with your friends. You want to be able to focus on that and to enjoy yourself, but something just doesn’t feel right between you and Shawn. Something doesn’t feel right with Shawn. When you first got here, you introduced Shawn and Tyler. Of all of your friends, Shawn is the one who’s opinion you value most because he’s the one who’s been there for you through everything, and he’s the one who knows you the best. If you’re honest, that’s why you’ve been watching Shawn so carefully tonight, because you want to know what he thinks of Tyler.

Finally, when you can’t take it anymore, you take your still full beer and excuse yourself from your conversation with your friends. Your heart wasn’t in it anyway.

You find yourself making your way into the kitchen. At first, you think you’ll find Tyler, and stand by him, see how he’s doing. But your body seems to have other plans as you instead continue to scan the room, even though you spotted Tyler right away. You don’t realize it at first, but you’re looking for someone, and it isn’t Tyler, it’s Shawn, who’s nowhere to be found.

On your second scan of the room, Tyler catches your eye and smiles, winking at you from his spot near the counter. At any other party, on any other night, that would make your heart skip a beat and draw you to where he is within a second, but it doesn’t this time. Your eyes keep scanning the room before they catch on a blurry figure out on the balcony. Its winter. In Toronto. The balcony is not the place to be, but that’s where he is, so whether you like it or not, there’s no question in your mind that’s where you’re headed. You scurry to the front entrance, where your coat is one of many. It takes a few seconds for you to pull it on, your drink long since forgotten and left unattended on the table.

The cold hits you as soon as you open the door, and you don’t wonder why no one else is out here. Shivering, you pull your coat closer to you, trying to keep the warmth of your body close to you. He doesn’t hear you coming because when you reach him and touch his shoulder, he jumps, startled. When he sees its you, his gaze turns back to the city lights.

“What are you doing out here all alone?” You question, knowing Shawn is normally in his element with these people. He’s always at the center of whatever is happening. He’s never alone when his friends are over.

“Needed some fresh air.” He mumbles, “And space.”

You know that’s your hint. He wants you to go inside. He wants you to leave him alone. He doesn’t want to talk. You pick up on hints like these, but you don’t always act on them. This time, you won’t.

“You’ve been acting strange all night.” You comment, realizing after you say it that it may not have been the best way to approach this subject, but the words are already out, hanging heavy in the freezing air between you two.

“Have I?” The sarcasm in his voice is hard to miss. You’re not used to Shawn acting like this, especially not targeted at you.

You swallow hard, taking a few seconds to gather your own anxious thoughts. “Are you mad at me?” It comes out as nearly a whisper, and at first, you’re not sure if Shawn heard you. He doesn’t answer right away, making you think he either didn’t hear or he’s ignoring you. Either way, you’re just gaining the courage to ask again, but louder, when he speaks.

“I’m not mad at you.” He turns toward you. Finally, you can see his dark brown eyes staring back at you. He’s been your constant for so long, despite busy schedules and distance. You can’t stand the thought of him being upset with you. You can’t stand the thought of Shawn keeping something from you. Clearly something’s bothering him, and he hasn’t told you.

You want to ask him. More than that, you want him to talk to you, not because you’re forcing him to, but because he wants to. You don’t ask. You don’t get much of a chance to before he backs up from the railing, turning back towards the sliding glass door leading inside.

“It’s cold. Don’t stay out too long.” Is all he says before leaving you alone. You don’t follow him. You don’t want to go back inside. You don’t want to be here anymore. The temperature isn’t the only reason you’re cold outside alone.

“What are you doing out here?” Tyler calls from the doorway. You don’t know how long you’ve been outside, but you turn around to the sound of his voice.

All of a sudden, you realize just how cold really you are, cold all the way to your bones. Your eyes wander to the people inside. All the lights are on, so you can see everyone clearly, although they probably can’t see you.

“It’s freezing babe, come back inside.” Tyler says, shivering at the cold because he hadn’t put his jacket back on.

You walk to meet him in the doorway, and he pulls you inside before shutting the door securely behind you. “I’m ready to go, can we just get out of here?” You ask in response to the subtle questioning look he’s giving you.

“We didn’t even go to the bar yet.” He says sounding a little disappointed to hear you want to leave so early. After spending last night with your family and no alcohol, you know he was looking forward to letting loose.

“I don’t feel good.” It’s not entirely a lie. “You can still go, though.” You’re not trying to ruin his night too just because yours isn’t going so well.

“I’m sure standing outside in the cold didn’t help.”

You immediately feel irritated by his unnecessary comment. It’s not his fault that you’re upset, and you shouldn’t take it out on him, but he hasn’t even tried to ask what’s going on with you. Although a part of you is annoyed by that and by his comment, you’re also glad he doesn’t ask. Because how are you supposed to explain to your boyfriend that the reason you’re upset is because another boy, a friend, has barely spoken to you tonight? He wouldn’t take it well, you already know. Whether or not Tyler will ever admit it, he’s intimidated by Shawn. It’s hard not to be intimidated by someone like Shawn.

You hesitate now. You don’t really want to drive back to Pickering by yourself. You had been staying at your family home in Pickering, and the plan was to head back late tonight. Now, that doesn’t seem like a good idea, and you know that Tyler has his heart set on going out tonight.

“I’m going to go lie down. You should go. Have fun. Stay out as long as you want.” You say, turning away before he grabs your hand to get your attention.

“What’s wrong, y/n?” He questions, genuinely concerned. He does care about you, and you love him for it. But that’s not enough to get Shawn’s behavior off your mind or force you out with him tonight.

“I just don’t feel up to going out tonight.” You respond, wanting nothing more than to be alone. You’re going to go lie down in Shawn’s bed, knowing he probably wouldn’t mind. If he didn’t seem so upset with you earlier, you’d be confident he wouldn’t mind. Now you’re just relatively sure he’d be okay with it. He wouldn’t kick you out, you know that much. If you did something so bad to warrant that, you’d know what you did. Right now, you don’t, so you can’t have done anything that horrible.

“Where are you going?” He asks.

“I’m just going to lie down. Just come back here when you’re done, and we can go? Or maybe just crash here for the night.” You suggest, still wanting to just be in bed, in Shawn’s bed. Alone, of course. He lets go after squeezing your hand one last time. “I won’t stay long.”

“I’m probably going to sleep. Stay as long as you want.” You don’t mean to sound dismissive, but you can tell it comes off that way. You don’t give yourself any time to regret it before leaving. You quickly use the restroom, digging around under the bathroom sink for the makeup wipes and toothbrush you left here a while back. With Shawn’s condo in the Toronto, you knew you’d be crashing there once in a while after going out, and you didn’t have to worry about not having anything to take your makeup off with or brush your teeth. The makeup wipes, you left for him too, knowing that it’d come in handy when he has a girl over. You made sure he knew where they were if someone ever needed them. It was your best friend duty to help him with stuff like that.

When you’re finished in the bathroom, you quietly make your way to Shawn’s room, closing the door behind you and successfully shutting out some of the noise. He has a guest bedroom, but the guys are always crashing there and even sometimes hanging out there when they’re all over, and you don’t want to be bothered tonight. Shawn’s room is the only place in the condo where you’re pretty confident you won’t be bothered by anyone, except Shawn.

It’s still not even midnight. You’re tired, but not that tired. You crawl under the covers and turn off the lights. The sound of people talking and laughing can still be heard through the closed doors, but you’re hoping they’ll head out soon and leave you in peace.

You’re scrolling through twitter, absentmindedly when the door swings open, the sounds from the kitchen and living room becoming significantly louder. When you look up, you’re not surprised to see Shawn. At first you try to explain yourself, suddenly feeling like a child who was just caught doing something wrong. After that conversation outside on the balcony, even though it can barely be called a conversation, you’re thinking maybe you shouldn’t be here in his bed. Maybe you’re not as close of friends as you thought and crashing in his bed is something reserved for close friends only, something Shawn is making it seem like you no longer fit.

He shakes his head dismissively when you explain that you weren’t feeling well and wanted to rest instead of going out. When you stop talking, he sits at the foot of the bed, and you sit up, pulling your knees to your chest, watching him in silence. “What are you doing, y/n?” He finally asks.

This question causes you to knit your eyebrows in confusion, you had just explained. “I didn’t want to go out.” You state simply, beyond confused by Shawn’s behavior.

“No, not right now, I mean, yes, but…you…it seems like…” Shawn’s good with words, so seeing him fumbling around for the right ones in this moment is something that doesn’t happen often.

“What are you talking about?” You question, wanting to know what he’s trying to get at, and also curious as to why he’s having such a hard time getting the words out. You know that part of his career depends on his ability to talk to people, and you know he’s great at it, you’ve seen it. And even more confusing, you’re not just anyone, you’re you and he’s Shawn and he’s never had problems talking to you before, about anything.

“Are you happy with Tyler?” The question catches you off guard. You hadn’t really talked to Shawn much about Tyler before. You weren’t even sure Shawn knew his name. It was all so new still. You had told Shawn about Tyler a couple months ago when you first started seeing him, but he hadn’t come up much more in conversation. This is also one of the reasons why it just slipped your mind and you forgot to mention Tyler coming home with you.

You think back to Tyler and the life you have with him. It’s still so new, but you like being with him. You like having him there for you. His apartment building is just across the street from yours on your Uni campus, and it’s nice to have someone to eat dinner with most nights and someone to go with to parties. It’s different than just having friends, and you like that. Tyler is your first boyfriend since attending Uni, and it’s so much easier to do life away from home with him by your side, because, in a way, he’s become home to you.

The question isn’t a difficult one, at least it shouldn’t be, so you’re not sure why it takes so long for you to reply. Finally, you say, “Yes.” It comes out more of a whisper, and you try to make it seem more definitive by nodding your head when you say it, but Shawn notices the hesitation.

“Are you sure?” He questions staring at you so sincerely, you’re almost sure he’s looking straight into your soul.

“Yeah, why are you asking?”

He pauses now, breaking eye contact for a second before looking up again, nodding. “Okay, I just want you to be happy.”

You manage a small smile. That’s no surprise. Shawn has always only wanted the best for you, and the same goes for you with him. Its why you’ve made such good friends despite everything crazy that’s happened in the past few years.

“He’s a good guy, Shawn.” As the words leave your mouth, you’re not sure if its him you’re trying to convince or you.

“I believe you.” He says, but he’s not making eye contact with you anymore, and he stands abruptly, heading towards the door and leaving you even more confused.

“Are you guys leaving soon?” You ask, and he turns back to you, halfway between the bed and the door.

“Are you really not feeling well?” He counters your question with one of his own.

This causes you to shrug. “Just didn’t feel like going out.” Honesty with Shawn is always the best option. Most times, you can’t avoid honesty with him, even if you want to. “You’ve been acting strange all night, and I don’t know, I guess it made me feel off all night too. And I just didn’t want to go out.” The words come tumbling out before you can stop them.

“It’s nothing, y/n. Don’t worry about it.” He tries reassuring you, but you’re still worried. Maybe even more worried since he’s still not telling you what is on his mind. “I’m fine. I’ll be fine.” He says.

“Me too, I’m just going to stay in, though.” You stand firm in your decision. He nods, accepting that you’re more stubborn than he is.

“Is Tyler staying with you?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“I told him to go. He deserves a night out after spending a week with my family.”

“They can be a bit much for the unprepared.” He acknowledges, and you smile at him because for the first time tonight things are starting to feel normal between you two.

He checks his watch. “I better go, I was just supposed to come in here for my jacket. I didn’t know you were in here.”

“Sorry,” You reply, reminded once again that you didn’t even ask to crash in his bed.

“No don’t be. You know I don’t mind. I just have to go. We’ll be back by two. I’ll look out for Tyler.”

You didn’t ask him to, but you’re grateful he said he would look out for Tyler. That’s as close as you’re going to get to hearing any sort of approval from Shawn toward Tyler. You thank him and roll onto your side, pulling the blankets up to your chin. You settle down for a nap, knowing you’d be woken in a few hours. Shawn said they’d be back by two, so you know they’ll be back by two. Now, if Brian said they’d be back by two, you’d expect them no earlier than two-thirty-five.

The sound of voices, footsteps, and slamming doors wakes you from your slumber. A glance at the bedside clock reads 1:51, so you know Shawn and Tyler are back. You can also count on Brian and Jon also being here for the night, but the others most likely went home. “Shhh, y/n’s sleeping.” You hear Shawn whisper yell from the other side of the door. He’s intoxicated enough to not realize that he’s also being loud.

“I’ll crash on the couch, you guys sleep wherever, you can sleep in my room, but don’t fuck y/n in my bed. Got it?”

“Yeah, man, whatever.” Comes Tyler’s reply. And you close your eyes before the bedroom door opens, pretending to be asleep as Tyler stumbles into bed beside you. In only a few seconds, he’s snoring loudly, and you force yourself back to sleep.

By the time you wake up the next morning, Shawn has already left for the gym, because the couch is empty, and the condo is silent. You’re pretty certain that the others are all still asleep. You’re digging through Shawn’s refrigerator, which admittedly has little besides alcoholic beverages, looking for something you can make breakfast with. Luckily, he has a carton of eggs, and you find bread on the counter. Eggs and toast it is.

You’re just finishing up eating when Shawn walks in the door. He has two cups of coffee in his hands, and he smiles when he sees you. “I knew you’d be awake.”

“Good morning to you too,” You respond. “Want me to make you breakfast?”

He shakes his head, “I already ate, got you coffee, though.” He looks closely at the cups in his hand before extending one to you.

You thank him and gratefully take a sip. A vanilla latte. “How’d you know? And how’d you know I’d be the only one up.”

“I know them.” He says, nodding towards the guest bedroom where there still has not been a single sound from. “And I know you.”

He takes a seat next to you at the counter as you eat the last few bites of your eggs and toast. You start talking, telling him about your last semester of Uni, and it gets really deep really fast, which you’re not surprised about. You start talking about your fears about what comes next after Uni. He listens and shares his fears about the future too. It’s not uncommon for you to talk about things like this with Shawn.

Your coffee is cold by the time Tyler finally emerges from the bedroom. His bedhead is adorable to you. “Morning.” He greets both you and Shawn before coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around you casually, but it feels possessive in a way you weren’t expecting.

Shawn downs the last of his coffee and scoots off the stool beside you. “I’m going to jump in the shower.” He says without giving you or Tyler a second look.

“What’s his problem?” Tyler mutters after Shawn’s out of earshot. The tension between the two was palpable and Shawn’s entire demeanor changed as soon as Tyler walked out.

“Nothing,” you say, feeling defensive on Shawn’s behalf even though you know you shouldn’t. “How was last night?” You change the subject.

“It was fun. Wish you were there, though.”

You and Tyler decide to head back to Pickering since you had told your mom you’d run some errands for her to prepare for the dinner she’s having tonight. You grab all of your stuff and shoot a quick text to Shawn to let him know you’re leaving before following Tyler outside.

Tyler complains about his headache too much at the first grocery store, so you leave him home and run the rest of the errands yourself. When you get back home, Tyler is watching hockey with your dad and brother, and you find your mom in the kitchen. You’re helping her prepare dinner when she mentions Shawn. “I invited Shawn for dinner.” She says, not even looking up from the cutting board.

“You did? When did you talk to him?” You’re confused now.

“Yeah, I called him. I’ve been telling you to invite him over for a while and you haven’t, so I did.” You want to be mad at her for inviting him, but you can’t. You grew up with him, and in your family’s eyes hes a part of your family too. There’s no way for her to know that Tyler and Shawn aren’t getting along the best and a family dinner with both of them wasn’t exactly on your agenda.

Shawn hasn’t admitted openly to disliking Tyler and Tyler hasn’t exactly said anything bad about Shawn, but you’re not oblivious to the tension. You know that neither of them would speak badly of the other knowing how important they are to you. You’re just going to have to get through this dinner.

When Shawn walks in the door, he’s immediately bombarded by your family, but he handles it with ease just like he always does and always has. Dinner doesn’t go as smoothly as you would have wished, but it goes better than you expected. There’s tension, but you’re almost certain you, Shawn, and Tyler are the only ones who can sense it. You sat in between both Shawn and Tyler and tried to pretend like this was normal.

Shawn remains at the center of the conversation for most of the dinner, despite the fact that he inquires curiously about all of your family members and tries to do the opposite of monopolizing the conversation. But a lot has happened in his life and your family wants to catch up on him. You don’t miss the way that Tyler seems put off by how much Shawn is talked about and how highly regarded Shawn is in your family. They didn’t take this much interest in Tyler, and without even talking to him, you know it’s bugging him.

Despite Shawn’s mostly normal behavior, something is still not quite normal with him, and you’re becoming fed up with the fact that he won’t tell you what it is. By the time dinner’s over, you’ve decided you’ll have to confront Shawn about how weird he’s been acting lately.

“What’s going on with you?” You ask Shawn after dragging him into the kitchen once dinners over and everyone else had migrated into the living room. If there’s something he’s keeping from you, you need to know.

“Nothing? You’ve asked me so many times already and the answer hasn’t changed.” He says dismissively, so you’ll have to ask more specific questions. But first, the one that you’ve been wondering about all night.

“Why’d you even come tonight?” You question.

“Your mom invited me. On the phone. I couldn’t say no to her, you know that.” He says. He’s exasperated now too, he didn’t want to be here any more than you wanted him to be here.

“Do you not like Tyler?” You ask him, point blank.

“What? I never said that.” Shawn replies clearly caught off guard by the question.

“But you’ve been acting weird.” You try to explain, “But only when he’s around.”

“I don’t dislike him, y/n.” Shawn says with a sigh.

“Then why are you acting weird and why won’t you tell me?”

“It’s not about Tyler, well not really, he’s fine y/n.” Shawn says, sighing again.

“He’s fine.That’s all you have to say about my boyfriend?” You’re exasperated, and in your opinion, rightfully so.

“I don’t know what you want from me.” He says, his eyes looking everywhere in the room but at you, almost like he’s searching for a way out.

“I want you to be honest.” That’s all you’ve ever wanted from Shawn. That’s all you’ve ever expected out of each other.

There’s a beat of silence. He’s cracking, you can tell. He’s close to telling you what’s going on. You know him well enough to know all you have to do is push a little harder. “Please just tell me. You can tell me anything, you know that.”

“Y/n. I don’t… think I should.”

“I thought we were friends.” You shouldn’t have said it. You know that, but you can’t help but feel hurt by him.

“I’m trying to be your friend right now.” He doesn’t sound offended at all by your little dig against your friendship, which catches you by surprise. Whatever it is, it must be a big deal.

“Shawn, if it’s as important as it seems to be, you should tell me. Is it going to make me mad?” You question.

“I don’t know, it might.”

You’ve never danced around a topic this much with Shawn before, so it’s making you more nervous by the second. “Just tell me.”

“It’s hard for me to see you with Tyler.” He spits out in one breath.

The words hang heavy in the air between the two of you before you realize what he just said and what it all means. He can’t take it back now, and you can’t un-hear it. You feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Everything makes sense now. Part of you regrets forcing Shawn to tell you. Maybe he was right, some things are better left unsaid. There are suddenly so many questions.

“Shawn…” You say his name, the only thing you can think to say in this moment. You don’t have words. There is nothing appropriate for you to say.

He apologizes, which makes you feel guilty because he shouldn’t have to apologize. You’re the one that forced him to say this. You’re the one that made everything change when he was so clearly trying to avoid that possibility. And now, you want to be4 the one to fix things, but you’re not sure how. You’re not sure if it’s even possible.

“But you’re happy with him.” Shawn says, the heartbreak in his voice comes across loud and clear now, and you immediately think back to when he asked you the night before if you were happy. Back then, the question seemed like it came out of the blue and you didn’t understand why he was asking, but it all makes sense now.

It all makes sense and doesn’t make sense at the same time. You only have a few more minutes before everyone starts to wonder where you both are. Your throat feels dry and you swallow hard, “I am.” You force yourself to say, and he nods in response, as though everything is settled, as though it didn’t matter what he just said.

“Okay,” it’s almost a whisper, but then he smiles at you, a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He turns around, walking back toward the living room without saying anything more. You linger a few more seconds in the kitchen before following. Shawn only stays for about ten more minutes before politely saying goodbye and leaving. You almost follow him outside, almost chase him down, almost finish the conversation, but it occurs to you that there’s nothing else you can say after what’s already been said.

You have so much history with Shawn, as friends, but nothing more. At the end of the day, you’re not willing to walk away from Tyler, from a relationship that has so much promise. So instead, you watched Shawn walk away from you.

#Shawn Mendes #Shawn Mendes imagine #Shawn Peter Raul Mendes #Shawn Menes fic #Shawn Peter Raul Mendes imagine

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niall-is-my-dream · 7 years ago

Text

Playing Hard to Get - Part One

"So you going to ask her out then?" You ask Willie as you exit the lift.

"I'm not sure, it would be a bit awkward if she said no considering I've got to go to Paris with her next week for the conference." He replied getting out his keys to unlock his door.

"Good point, she coming tonight?"

"No I only invited you from work, well I invited Josh but he's busy this weekend at a family thing."

"Oh mate I feel so privileged you've invited me!" You said giving his arm a playful shove. "Glad you did though was an excuse to decline a second date with that twat I went out with last week."

You made your way through his flat to the kitchen and sat at the breakfast bar. Willie went to the fridge to get a couple of bottles of water, handing you one. You guzzled half the bottle almost instantly. You and Willie had just done a 5k run and you were thirsty.

You'd been away all week for work while Willie had been in the office so you'd not seen each other all week. You worked in the same department and his desk was next to yours. You had got to know each other well since you started at the company 10 months ago. Willie was cute with an Irish accent but there was no spark between you both. People always asked if you were dating or secretly sleeping together and it was the joke of the office but you had both agreed that you didn't fancy each other and a great friendship had emerged.

"That bad?!" He asked laughing.

"Seriously how do I just attract weirdos??!!! Is there something wrong with me???!!!!"

"What happened then? This was the lad from the pub the other week right?" He asked sipping his water.

"Yeah we met like two weeks ago when I was out with Gemma for her birthday and he is a friend of a friend or something. Anyway we chatted throughout the night and he asked for my number. So we text for a bit just casual conversation and we went out last Saturday night."

"So what happened on the date?"

"Oh he was a total leech! Kept making smutty comments to me all evening. It was fucking gross. Plus he had like no fashion sense at all. When we met he had jeans and a t shirt on which is so not appropriate on a date to a fancy restaurant."

"What things was he saying?" Willie asked with a smirk on his face.

"Just general sexual questions, I seriously didn't want to leave my drink on the table in case he spiked it while I went to the loo. He tried to invite himself back to mine and I declined and got a taxi home alone not before he tried to kiss me against the car. I ducked away and gave him a shitty hug."

"Oh my God that's the date from hell!" He said laughing.

"I know right? Seriously what the fuck do I need to do to find someone half decent. I'm not talking marriage, I'm talking dating you know nice meals out, going to the movies and just generally getting some fucking great sex every so often!"

You looked up to see Willie's famous and very hot cousin Niall stood in the doorway. Fucking hell he was absolutely gorgeous wearing just simple jersey shorts and a t shirt. His crazy thick brunette hair all over the place and when he ran his fingers through it you stared at him for longer than needed.

"Hey am I interrupting?!" He smirked catching you staring.

"Not interrupting. Niall this is Charlotte my friend from work, Charlotte my cousin and flatmate Niall." Willie said as you waved your hand hello.

He gave you another smirk and made his way over to the fridge.

"Sorry if we woke you. Willie said you were on a late flight last night." You said taking a sip from your water slightly embarrassed by your sex comment he'd heard.

"It's ok love was awake anyway. Heard you both come in. You been for a run?"

"Yeah just 5k got to get this boy fit somehow!" You said laughing grateful that he didn't mention what he'd heard. Willie wasn't over weight but at 32 he knew if he didn't start exercising then the beer gut would creep in and he'd be in a midlife crisis before he knew it. You loved to run so had offered to be his buddy.

"She's hard on me to, nearly passed out on the way back but she kept fucking running and shouting at me to keep up!"

"If you want a tight firm arse Mr Devine you've got to work for it!" You said laughing. "Maybe ask Lara if she fancies a Saturday morning run one week?"

"I'm trying to attract her to me not scare her!" He said laughing.

"Good point! Are you nervous about your trip though?" You asked.

"Trip?" Niall asked. You'd actually forgotten he was there, he'd had his head in the pantry looking for something.

"Yeah Paris for a few days next week for a conference." Willie replied.

"Anyway why the fuck do I get stuck with Dave at a conference in Glasgow and you get to go to Paris with Lara? You been fucking old Mrs Winters from Andy's office so she books Lara on the trip instead of me?!"

"Well ............... Mrs Winters is a very cute 65 year old woman!"

"Oh god!" You replied covering your mouth with your hand.

"Seriously though with the rumours at work about us I suspect that's why they won't let us travel together."

"You think?" You asked smirking.

"Rumours?" Niall asked.

"Oh yeah apparently it's weird that Willie and I are just friends and that we don't fuck each other." You said shrugging your shoulders. "I keep trying to get him naked but he's just not interested."

"This is the type of shit you say that gets people whispering in the office!" Willie said smirking.

"Oh come on, we work in finance its boring! I like making the office fun!"

"True, it is funny when people walk in to the break room where we are literally just drinking coffee and go Oh sorry am I interrupting!" He said laughing.

"Probably doesn't help that I grab your arse daily and tell you how much I love an Irish accent!"

"You two are fucking crazy!" Niall said laughing, his eyes firmly on you.

"Well Willie is, I'm perfectly normal!" You smiled back. "Right I'm going to get my sweaty arse home for a shower and food. What time shall I meet you at the pub?"

"About 7:30, you know where it is don't you?"

"Yeah I do" you said hopping down off the barstool and walking over to Willie. "See you later lover boy!" Before kissing his cheek and giving Niall a wave and heading towards the door.

"So .......... that was the famous Charlotte." You said.

"God don't you start!" Willie laughed.

"So you two are not........ You know.........fucking as she called it?"

"No she's just my friend. She's gorgeous but there is literally no spark between us. We are both on the same page to."

"So she's single? I heard her saying something about a date as I walked in."

Willie eyed you suspiciously. "Yeah she's single, having a few disastrous dates recently which have been hilarious if I'm honest."

"And she's out tonight?"

Willie nodded you could see he was wondering where this was going.

"Hmm" you replied. "Is she always so bold like that?"

"Like what?"

"Just that she seems like she knows her own mind, bit sassy and independent. Doesn't take any shit."

"Yep that's Charlotte."

"Beautiful to."

"Oh yeah, got yourself a bit of a crush have you mate?" Willie laughed.

"Fuck off! Just paying her a compliment. I met her for like ten minutes." You say as you leave him standing in the kitchen.

You made it to the pub by 7:45. You'd got side tracked by your crazy mother asking if you were eating enough. Seriously you were 28 years old. Had moved out when you were 18 to go to university and yet she still called each week and asked the same questions. Were you eating enough, had you called your grandma that week, had you been on any dates? She would then moan about how you hadn't visited and how far away you were when in reality you were an hour's drive away but because she hated to drive in London she hardly ever visited you.

The added bonus in today's conversation was that she gave you a full run through of your little sisters wedding plans. She also slipped in the 'we thought you'd be the first to get married' comment. Excellent. You definitely were no where near that considering you didn't even have a boyfriend. Plus you weren't even sure you wanted kids. You loved your job and you weren't ready to give that up for a husband and kids, not just yet anyway.

The weather was freezing for February and there was a chance of snow this weekend. The warmth of the pub as you opened the door was welcoming. You looked around for Willie and your friends, spotting them in the corner by the fruit machines.

"Hey Charlotte, you ok?" Willie asked.

"No it's fucking freezing outside!" You smiled as you took off your scarf and coat. "Sorry I'm late, got stuck talking to my mother!"

"You've beautiful rosey cheeks Char!" Deo said laughing. "Come sit on my knee and I'll warm you up."

Everyone laughed. "Oh Deo stop trying it on with me! But yeah I'll have a cuddle, I need one, my mother has pissed me right off!"

You hung your stuff on the back of the free chair between Deo and Niall before parking your bum on Deos lap. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you wrapped yours around his neck and shoulders. He did actually warm you up bless him although his hand on your arse raised a few eyebrows especially Niall's.

"Watch your hands Deo!" You said laughing. "Right who needs a drink?"

You made a mental note of the drinks needed and headed up to the bar. "Hey I'll come and help" Niall said standing up from his seat. You felt his presence and smelt his cologne right behind you as you stood at the crowded bar. You gave your order as he managed to manoeuvre into a space that opened up next to you.

"So how's your day been?" He asked nervously.

"Um actually quite boring thanks! just did some shopping and chores. How about you?"

"Just chilled out, slept a bit, just trying to shrug off this jet lag."

"Willie said you've been away for a couple of months this time?"

"Yeah at my place in LA and then doing promo around the states."

"Sounds busy" you say quickly as the barman told you the total to pay.

"Hey I'll get these" he offered.

"No its fine it's my round" you say giving the barman your card.

"You're a feisty one aren't you?!" He said smirking.

"Excuse me???" You say smiling. "I'm not feisty!"

You took your card back from the barman who had a grin on his face clearly finding the conversation amusing.

"Yeah you are! Just trying to buy a girl a drink and she gets all sassy on me!"

"Shut up!" You say smirking. "I don't need some sexy young popstar to buy me a drink and anyway it was my round". You gave him a wink before picking up the tray of drinks and vwalking off towards the table leaving Niall at the bar gobsmacked.

Part two

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/172166245928/playing-hard-to-get-part-two

#Niall Horan #Willie Devine #Niall smut #emily writes #niall-is-my-dream #niall fan fic #niall imagine

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fitpaprika-blog · 7 years ago

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Big Fit Girl

After I read Intuitive Eating, I read Big Fit Girl, again going through my public library books first because they are due first! I started following Louise Green on Instagram a while ago at the suggestion of my “fit sister,” Sylvia. This book was not what I was expecting and in the best way.

In my last post on IE, it was all about my issues with food, and how I was hoping to combat them after having read that book, but I didn't talk about exercise at all. In general, I haven't talked about exercise as much on this blog because I haven't struggled as much with that side of weight loss. When I first started trying to lose weight, exercise was the main thing that scared and intimidated me, but I realized pretty soon that exercise was the easy part. I could commit myself to an exercise regimen far easier than I could to healthy eating. The only problem was that, when I fell off the food wagon, I fell off the exercise wagon because what was the point of exercising if I was eating all of this crap? Totally backwards logic, I know.

So I wasn't sure what I was going to learn from Green’s book because I already knew I could do any type of exercise I wanted to do and that athletes come in all shapes and sizes. I didn't need convincing of that. Hell, my main form of exercise is dancing, which is definitely not something expected of fat girls.

But here is where she got me. It's where Intuitive Eating got me, too. I don't have to exercise with weight loss as the goal. I mean...Holy. Shit. Here we are again. Weight loss cannot be the goal in exercise either. Why? Because, just like with food, if weight loss is the goal then I can't be as successful. When weight loss is the goal of exercise, I can give it up when I'm not losing weight from it or when I stop caring about losing weight. If weight loss is the goal then I end up doing things that I don't necessarily enjoy, which means I won't keep doing those things at a certain point. If weight loss is the goal then the whole time I’m exercising I will be focused on the failings of my body and what it looks like in movement. If weight loss is the goal then I can't love my body.

This shit is still mind blowing to me. I was expecting Green to tell me all about how fat girls can run, jump, swim, climb mountains, etc. and fuck the haters, which she did say, but I wasn't expecting her to say that fat people could do all of that without trying to not be fat. That being fat doesn't have to be the reason that fat people exercise.

I mean, okay, I sort of knew that, right? I don't dance strictly to lose weight or else I would have given it up a long time ago, just like other forms of exercise. Dancing is something that makes me happy, and that's why I eventually chose it as my main form of exercise. But I have never gone to a dance class with another goal in mind besides to lose weight, except for maybe to have fun. But even when I went to have fun, I knew my body was going to try to shed off those pounds, and that was why I was really there. Would I go to dance class if I weren't trying to lose weight? Would I go to lift weights at the gym if I weren't trying to lose weight?

Those are the questions I wanted answers to once Green told me I didn't have to exercise to try to not be fat. And she said yes - if you create another goal that is not associated with weight loss. So that's what I am working on now is trying to come up with goals associated with exercise that have nothing to do with losing weight.

For dancing, it is kind of easy. My dance studio puts on recitals a few times per year where you sign up for like a six or eight week course to learn a routine to then perform in front of a small audience of family, friends, and other dance studio members. I don’t think there are auditions because you have to pay for it, so it all comes down to if you are willing and able - the routines you can choose from are categorized by both skill level and genre. They already did this once since I became a member, and I thought hard on it. I ultimately didn't do it because I couldn't afford it, and I would have to miss one or two of the practice times. But let's be real - those were excuses I could have overcome. I didn't do it because I didn't believe in myself to be able to do it. I was afraid of being the weak link in the group or of not being able to get my body to do all of the moves in the routine. I didn't do it because I felt insecure.

So I think that is my goal for dancing - to perform in one of those recitals the next time the opportunity arises. One thing I struggle with is making myself go to all of my dance classes. I am often the fattest girl in the studio. I often feel like the most unskilled girl in the studio, whether I am or not. I often feel like my body betrays me in the studio by not being able to get certain moves. I almost never look at myself in the mirror. I know if I would just make a commitment to go to all of my dance classes, these insecurities would slowly melt away. The one class I have stayed committed to is MADDX and I think everyone around me in that class, as well as the instructor, Kevin, would definitely say I have come a long way. From getting frustrated about not being able to get the moves and having to take so many breaks and modify so many things all the way up until yesterday when I was not only getting all of the moves but adding my own spin to them. And I only got to feeling good and confident about myself in that class because I committed to go every Thursday and Saturday I have been in town. I need to do that with the rest of the classes I love. Giving up weight loss as the goal means giving up insecurities about my body and what it can and can't do. If I go to dance class with the goal to get better at dancing, I believe I will succeed and the other shit will slowly go away. Plus I need to psych myself up to get ready for that next recital period. Louise Green says I need to show up. I need to show other fat girls that they belong in this space, doing this activity, if that's their passion, if that's what they want to be doing. I want to show up for myself, to demonstrate to myself that I can do it, and I want to show up for the other fat girls who want to dance.

I often feel imposter syndrome with dancing, which Green mentioned in the book. This is not just because I’m fat. I didn't grow up dancing. I got involved with various activities as a kid, but few of them stuck around, and I can't recall ever being in a dance class. I probably never asked to be, and I don't remember being offered it. The first time I truly danced was in January 2013 when my friend, Hillary, forced me to go to a Zumba class at the gym on the campus where we were both attending graduate school. I was sure I would hate it. I had very strong and specific opinions about exercise at that time, and exercise was not pansy ass group exercise classes aimed at women. I only entertained this idea because I really liked Hillary, and she was a new friend, so I wanted to keep bonding with her. She assured me that I never had to go again if I hated it. But I loved it. And I was good at it. I honestly could not believe it. I rarely missed a Zumba class after that, and my entire mindset about what exercise could be totally changed.

So I have only been dancing for four and a half years, and most of that time was spent sometimes consistently and sometimes inconsistently going to Zumba classes. I only joined a real dance studio and started taking legit dance classes in February. So you can see why I have imposter syndrome about doing one of these recital groups. Most dancers did it as a kid and have been dancing for years. I feel like I can never catch up. And then there's all the fat girl insecurity on top of that. But I am going to try to overcome all of that and show up. Participate. Achieve my goals and dreams.

I am still thinking about other types of fitness and fitness goals. I love to lift weights, but I don't know how to make a sport of that or set goals for it. I don't necessarily want to compete in it as a sport, but I do want to set goals and do better. Green also really got me thinking about other types of activities - CrossFit, boxing, swimming - and I want to find out more. I used to really love swimming, and I was on the local swim team for a while as a child. But I was the fattest girl at the pool, and that made me feel insecure. I’m not sure how to get involved with swimming as a fat adult, but I can find out.

So I have some other avenues to explore but, for now, Green gave me a way to enjoy fitness outside of the realm of weight loss. I am even thinking about trying a 5K in her honor. I am totally not into running and probably never will be, but it would be cool to train for and complete one race just to say that I did it and then hang up the running sneakers - so we’ll see. Sylvia did the Peachtree this year, which is apparently like a rite of passage for Atlantans, but it's a 10K in July, so that is scary to me in a number of ways. But maybe I can let go of my fears by this time next year and do it with her. The point is - weight loss is not the goal. It's time to find new goals.

P.S.: I should say that there is a lot of other good information in Green’s book about fitness for fat girls besides this key point that I took away from it. I recommend it to all plus size chicks who currently exercising or who want to start exercising. It is a great resource and very inspiring.

#big fit girl #louise green #exercise #fitness #goals #fit chicks #fitness addict #game changer #reading #required reading #library book #books #book #plus size #plus size athlete #athletes #compete #motivation #inspiration

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