#it was all about constant improvement in the face of behaviour that was difficult to deal with

[aloyssobek]

suddenly hit with a wave of "i miss my old co-workers :("

[mclacedes]

The Idea of You (LN4)

2. The Idea of Worthiness

summary: in which lando decides to make it up for ghostin you

previous ••• next

WARNINGS: it's pretty much all angst. in-depth described anxiety attack, anxious behaviour/mannerisms, description of depression and suicidal ideation, loneliness

wc: 3k

“but what if i can't do it?”

A/N: before anything else, i want to make it clear that my intention is NOT to trigger any kind of trauma in anyone with this. the reader has been warned of potential triggers. if you are going through some kind of psychological hardship, know that there are people who care and who worry <3 you are never 100% alone!

january 1st, 2024 — 3:30pm

you came home with a knot in your chest that seemed to tighten with every breath. the morning had been a blur, an awkward dance around lando’s mother as you searched for a polite excuse to leave.

of course you'd chosen the most simple and non-negotiable of lies: i need to spend some time with my relatives.

despite it being faintly true, you knew you'd spend the whole day with lando's family if the circumstances were different.

the night's words lingered in your mind as you walked out, wishing it could cover the truth: you couldn’t bear the thought of facing lando after what had happened—or rather, after what didn’t happen.

now, the silence in your own home was suffocating. you slumped onto the couch, your mind replaying the scene on a loop: lando's words, lando's reassurance, the way his lips had bruised yours, the heat of his breath so close, his hands on you, his hands in you, his fingers’ magic, and then... you wake up alone.

now, you knew lando felt the same, you knew that things could work out, you knew just the intensity of your feelings for him. but you also knew he hadn't texted you back all day and, seemingly, nobody knew where he was.

as his closest friend, you knew that he'd only have left that way if something really bad had happened.

what you didn't know though, was how bad it felt for him.

it had been a long time since lando had received the diagnosis. after years of wondering what was wrong with him and why he felt such a void within himself, he'd been told he had depression.

what they say is that treatment is easier when you have the right diagnosis, but that doesn't erase the fact that some days were infinitely more difficult than others—harder to get out of bed, harder to leave the house, to work, and singularly hard to live, specially because the latter is the last thing you want during a depressive episode.

he started going to therapy regularly when he was a minor, forced by his parents, but when he became an adult he left—said that talking about how horrible he felt wouldn't help, it would only make him feel worse.

and then the episodes gradually became worse as his life improve. for example, before arriving in F1, he oftentimes found himself fighting against the urge to simply end it all: the pain, the suffering, the disruption, the constant failed attempt at a better day, his very life.

even though he never attempted it, lando was caught contemplating the possibility of the end; he used to wonder how people would react when they heard "lando norris died, suicide", what it would be like if he wasn't here anymore.

“such a kind soul”

“such a beautiful boy”

“smart, funny”

“talented guy”

that's what people would say, in the best of cases.

in the worse of cases people wouldn't even notice he was gone.

well, following next to depression was anxiety.

lando’s anxiety was a constant undercurrent to his depression, feeding off it, amplifying it, tangling him further in a web of self-doubt. it was always there, an invisible weight pressing down, but some days it grew loud enough to silence every other part of him, like a swarm of thoughts buzzing incessantly, trapping him in a looping worry about everything and nothing all at once.

it started with racing—the very thing he loved was also the source of his most unrelenting fears. despite his undeniable talent and the acclaim he’d earned, the worry always crept in: what if i mess up? what if i’m not good enough? what if it’s all just a fluke, and one day everyone realizes i’m a fraud?

he dreaded that moment when the lights turned green, not because of the physical danger but because of the psychological toll—that split-second when any mistake, any misstep, could spiral out into a visible, unforgivable failure.

even beyond racing, the anxiety spilled into every facet of his life. he overthought every message he sent, every interaction, analyzing them for any hint of rejection, any confirmation of his worst fears. if he didn’t receive a response right away, his mind spun stories, convincing him he’d somehow upset the person or made a fool of himself.

and now, with you, it was worse. his feelings were tangled with worry and doubt; he feared you’d eventually see through his flaws, his bad days, his cracks, and walk away. the closeness you’d shared the night before terrified him. he wanted you desperately, yet that desire to let you in also exposed him to his greatest fear: that he would scare you away merely by the fact that he existed.

this anxiety could sometimes send him into a state of paralysis, leaving him unable to reach out, unable to bridge the gap even when he wanted nothing more than to feel your presence, to hear your voice. today was one of those days—the aftermath of a moment so perfect, so vulnerable, that his mind filled with a thousand worries. he couldn’t bring himself to message you, to even show you the rawness of his internal struggle. instead, he withdrew, waiting for the fog to clear enough for him to reach for you again.

but you had tried.

you: lando hey

you: i'm worried abt u

you: text me whenever u get the chance pls

you: i'm right here if you wanna talk”

there were another 20 texts of kindred nature from you in his phone—you spent the afternoon rewinding what had happened, wondering if there were any signs that he would do something to himself or… the devil god knows what.

you had barely moved or done anything at all since you had gotten home because lando still hadn’t texted back, and the worry in your chest was growing impossible to ignore.

you’d known him for years—long enough to see the shadows he kept hidden behind his easy smile. he had always brushed off the subject, deflecting it with humor or quick changes in conversation. but today, his silence was colder, sharper, more unsettling than usual.

hours had passed since you last saw him, and finally, you gave in and sent him a message, trying not to let the desperation seep through.

you: lando, i hope you’re alright. let me know when you’re home safe, ok?

the message delivered, but no ‘read’ receipt appeared. your heart sank, and as you stared at the screen, scenarios spun wildly in your mind.

lando was good at hiding. he knew how to pour himself into everything and everyone else, keeping busy, laughing, entertaining—until he couldn’t. when the episodes came, he retreated so far into himself that it was like trying to find someone in a pitch-black room.

you tried calling him. the line rang and rang, finally going to voicemail. your voice was barely a whisper as you left a message.

“lando… if you see this, please just… come home. or let me know you’re okay. i’m here, alright? no matter what, i’m here.”

when the call ended, the silence in your apartment felt just as cold as his void.

—

unbeknownst to you, he was okay.

at least that's what he said to max when he called saying cisca was worried about him. and thats what he said when he called his mom.

“i’m okay.”

but he knew there was nothing okay with him right now.

far away, in his silent retreat, a wave of coldness washed over him, and his breath coming in sharp, shallow gasps. that feeling in his chest was known: he was panicking.

it felt like the walls were closing in, a vice squeezing his chest tighter with every passing second. his hands trembled, fingers twitching as if searching for something to anchor him, to ground him in reality. he fought to keep his breathing steady, but the more he tried, the more elusive calm became. memories of your kiss haunted him—both a balm and a wound. how could something so beautiful leave him feeling so lost?

what if i’m not enough for her? he thought

a tight knot of fear formed in his stomach, mingling with the ache of longing. was he really ready for this? for you? for love? the questions spiraled, colliding with the weight of his own expectations and the pressure of his career. he couldn’t shake the sense that he was on the brink of something monumental, yet all he felt was the crushing weight of uncertainty.

the doubt crept in, fueled by echoes of his past, whispers of inadequacy that had followed him through the years. he recalled the stinging memories of being told he wasn’t good enough, of moments when his efforts felt like they never quite measured up. every trophy he’d won and every incredible milestone he had achieved done little to silence those voices. instead, they morphed into an insidious belief that no matter how hard he tried, he would always be a step behind, always falling short.

what if she hates me?

with you, the stakes felt impossibly high. what if he couldn’t be the partner you deserved? what if the pressure of the spotlight overwhelmed him and drove you away? those thoughts twisted in his gut, feeding the anxiety that swelled within him. he imagined you in a world where he wasn’t there, finding someone who could offer you the stability and unwavering support he feared he lacked. the very thought crushed him, deepening the ache in his chest, as it reminded him of all the times he had to fight for validation, only to come up empty-handed.

he was scared of what loving you meant, terrified of failing you, terrified of failing himself. the weight of it all felt unbearable, a heavy blanket of dread that threatened to suffocate him.

what if i fail her?

lando was too scared, too anxious. with every breath, his lungs ached, and with every tear that gathered in his eyes, he felt weaker. it was as if he were standing on the edge of a precipice, the ground crumbling beneath him, and the vast unknown loomed below—a place filled with possibilities but also with the risk of falling into darkness. he clenched his fists, nails digging into his palms, trying to ground himself as the rising tide of emotions threatened to pull him under.

every heartbeat felt like a reminder of his vulnerability, a painful pulse that echoed the uncertainty gnawing at his core. he couldn’t shake the feeling that he was teetering on the edge of something profound, yet all he could focus on was the suffocating fear of not being enough. the love he felt for you, so pure and intoxicating, was also a heavy burden, weighed down by his past failures and fears. the thought of letting you down, of not living up to the promise of what could be, sent chills racing down his spine.

she's too perfect, i'm a mess

as tears spilled over and streamed down his cheeks, he felt a mix of shame and desperation. lando had always prided himself on being strong, on facing challenges head-on, yet here he was—vulnerable and exposed, battling an internal storm that felt relentless. the very act of loving you felt like a gamble, one that he wasn't sure he was ready to take. would he be brave enough to step forward, to embrace the chaos of his heart, or would he retreat back into the safety of his own fears?

with every sob that escaped him, the overwhelming tide of emotion pulled him deeper, and he struggled to keep his head above water. the thought of calling you, of reaching out for the connection he craved, felt both necessary and terrifying. what if you saw him like this—raw, broken, and afraid? what if he could never find the words to explain what he felt, or worse, what if you saw him as nothing more than a disappointment?

what if she saw me for who i truly am?

taking a shaky breath, he reached for his phone thrown on the couch, sitting on it. his hands were still trembling as he dialed the only person, besides you, who he knew wouldn't judge, but understand him.

“hey, mate, how you doing?” max fewtrell greeted him with his usual easy grin, only for the smile to falter the second he took in lando’s state: tears streaked his face, his eyes swollen and red, his nose and cheeks raw from wiping at them. his lips, split and bloodied, told the story of how he’d been biting them all day. lando’s breath hitched in his throat, his words barely making it out.

“hey… mate, i—” he tried, but the lump in his throat choked him. lando couldn’t even speak.

“lando, what happened?” max said, his voice low and steady, concern etched across his face.

“i think i… i fucked things up with Y/N,” lando's voice cracked, desperation pouring from him as if his world was unraveling right there in front of max.

the sight in front of max sent a chill through his spine. lando's looks, disheveled, like he’d been pulling at it in frustration all day. his bright green eyes were dulled, sunken and rimmed with red. the bags beneath them were dark, a stark contrast against his pale skin. his hands trembled on his knees, unable to steady themselves. his chest heaved, like the panic was consuming him from the inside, leaving only a fragile shell of the person max had known for years.

lando wiped at his face, the back of his hand coming away wet. he shook his head, sinking deeper into the couch.

“we kissed, we slept together and i pushed her away, max. i—i could’ve stayed. i could’ve—” his breath caught again, ragged and uneven. “but i left with no explanation. i went up and left her there, max… i’m so stupid.” he cried out.

lando’s breath hitched, and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to stop the tears, but it was no use. his shoulders shook, and a sob escaped him, raw and unfiltered. he hadn’t felt this way in a long time—like he was too broken to be loved.

"max, i’m a mess," he whispered, his voice cracking. "i couldn’t stay, i couldn’t even look at her this morning because… because she deserves better. i mean, look at me," he gestured to himself, his hands trembling. “i’m fucked up, max. i couldn’t even say the words, couldn’t even be honest. how can i be with her when i don’t even know what’s going on in my own head?”

max’s brows furrowed, his face softening as he listened. lando looked like he was spiraling, and it hurt max to see his best friend like this—feeling like he didn’t deserve something good because he was caught in his own storm.

“lando, mate,” max started, carefully choosing his words, “you’re not as messed up as you think you are. yeah, you’ve got stuff going on, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve her, or that you don’t deserve to be happy. and running away from her because you think you’re too broken for her… that’s not the answer.”

lando shook his head, wiping at his eyes, his voice trembling as he spoke. “but i am broken, max. i don’t even know how to deal with my own shit, let alone someone else’s. she’s this… this amazing person, and i’m just… i’m just me. she deserves someone who has it all figured out, not someone who’s going to bolt the second things get real.”

max let out a breath, leaning forward a bit. “no one has it all figured out, lando. not me, not her, not anyone. she’s not expecting you to be perfect, she’s expecting you to be real with her. that’s all. and yeah, maybe you’re not in the best place right now, but you can’t let that be the reason you push her away.”

lando let the words sink in, but it didn’t ease the heaviness inside him. “i left because i thought… i thought i’d hurt her more by staying. i didn’t want her to see me like this. i didn’t want her to see how much of a mess i am.”

“but by leaving, you hurt her anyway,” max said gently. “because she cares about you. and if you care about her too, you’ve got to let her in, even if it’s messy, even if you don’t have all the answers. it’s okay to not have everything together, lando. it’s okay to be scared. but you can’t run from this.”

lando swallowed hard, staring at the floor, his fingers gripping the edge of the couch until his knuckles turned white. max was right. he had run—run because he didn’t think he was good enough, run because the idea of her seeing all his cracks terrified him.

“but what if i can’t do it? what if i let her down again?” lando’s voice was barely audible now, thick with doubt.

max’s expression softened even more. “then you figure it out, together. but you’ve got to give her the chance to make that choice. don’t decide for her that you’re not good enough. let her in. let her see you, even the parts you’re scared to show. that’s how you build something real.”

lando’s breath came in short, shallow bursts, his heart pounding in his chest. the thought of opening up like that—to be fully seen, in all his messiness, all his vulnerability—scared him more than any race ever had. but the thought of losing Y/N, of pushing her away because of his own fear… that scared him even more.

“yeah, sure,” lando whispered, his voice hoarse. “i need to talk to her. i need to fix this.”

max smiled softly, relief flickering in his eyes. “yeah, mate. you do.”

after bidding his best friend farewell, lando sat and tried to calm himself down by pressing his fingers with exposed raw flesh due to the fact he had gnawed at his own hands out of anxiety. he had to come up with something to make it up to you. he needed to.

TAGGINGS: @meglouise00 @rawr-123s-stuff

[funkymbtifiction]

A thank you

Hi Charity

I just wanted to thank you for all of your posts about the enneagram 6 recently. I've found them to be incredibly helpful with regards to understanding my thought processes and behaviour. As a fellow Ne dom 6 (ENTP) I often feel that I'm at war with myself. Despite my constant striving to grow, learn and improve myself it's difficult and sometimes feels like a losing battle. It's great to read observations from someone who understands. I value your insights and will be taking them on board.

Thank you again and Merry Christmas.

Thank you for being supportive! I’m glad to hear it’s useful to you!

As I consider what I want to do moving forward, I am starting to think I should narrow my approach. I was thinking last night that next year I should focus on my own 6-ness and growth, as well as talking about the inner mechanisms and strategies 6 is using, and how it’s easier to dismantle some automatic habits than others. It’s such a specific thing, I may dedicate a particular space to it (a 6 blog), but it’s something I am considering doing, both to help other 6s “recover” and to help me track my progress. I've always been intellectually honest about my struggles, and it might help others face their fear and shame a bit better as well. It would be a very ENFP way to help people without leaving my house. ;)

I had proposed the idea to a friend of a book just about 6s, but she said, "A whole book on just one number???" Yeah, she's right. It needs a lot more words than that. And I am here to provide them! ;)

Merry Christmas!

[evelhak]

Ok Moon,

Can i ask you 15, 13, 28, 44 back?

Smootches!

Vesper

Thanks. 💙

15. Favourite movie

I'm not sure. Spirited Away, Brother Bear, Mona Lisa Smile, The Outsiders, Mamma Mia Here We Go Again, Frozen 2 and Little Women (1994) are certainly options. Generally if a movie makes me cry uncontrollably it's a candidate.

13. Biggest turn ons

Well, this is easy since nothing else turns me on really, except a love scene between two characters whose love I'm in love with. I'm ace but when it comes to fiction I'm sort of like demi because I need a deep emotional connection to the characters. I'm still not attracted to the characters though, it's just that I can then deeply emphatize when I have that connection, so whatever they feel I'm going to feel.

28. A description of the person I dislike the most

Well, if picking a favourite movie is difficult...

I'm just going to have to think of the person I currently have the most negative feelings towards, I think. I don't hate them, but I have never liked them very much personally, just tolerated them and treated them with the respect anyone deserves but to be honest I don't like them very much personally. This is time sensitive though, so they might not annoy me this much in the near future, they might improve or disappear from my life. They are someone who is two-faced in the sense that they are always putting up the sweetest, most harmless and innocent front. They appear so kind and vulnerable and weak in a sense that I think is supposed to be disarming and give the impression that they could never hurt a fly, like they are a baby bunny or a baby mouse or something. And that's true, they wouldn't actively harm anyone, I think. But they passively harm pretty much everyone I've seen with them, because they don't have the guts to stand up for themselves, much less another person, and they don't take responsibility for their actions, and especially their inaction. They constantly gaslight and invalidate other people's feelings because they don't want any drama, but they are actually the cause of most of that drama, because they regularly fail to communicate anything of importance and answer to the needs of the people around them and be truly present for others. The constant and blatant denying of other people's feelings is probably what gets to me the most about this person. And the way they do it, because they are always veiling their invalidation as kindness and reassurance, which makes people feel like it's impossible to get through to this person. They have frequent double standards. They "don't want to be a bother" but actually they want everything to go their way. They've mastered being so pitifully insecure and innocent that you have a hard time not feeling like a jerk if you judge them for anything. They do everything to appear like the most understanding and open minded person but they do it in the wrong place at the wrong time. If you express concerns about another person, they always take that person's side, saying meaningless shit like "oh everybody just needs to be understood" as if that excuses all behaviour, clearly moralizing you for having feelings about how someone treats you. They never say what they truly want, they act like they are being a good person by not making their wishes verbally known but they are actually disrespectful of other people's boundaries, because they stay close and wait for opportunities to get what they want anyway, they just always manage to do it in a way that they don't need to ask and the other person doesn't need to agree, they just wait for the opportunity where they get what they want as a by-product of what is happening, but still in a way that harms others and their relationships, it just conveniently shifts the blame away from this person. They have not truly grasped that being a good person isn't the same as "not actively doing anything wrong" because they are constantly causing harm by passively trying to get their way in the world. But I believe they are also in denial about this, and it is not calculated. It's just the only way they know how to get by. Their strategies are repulsive to me, but I don't hate their guts or anything, I would positively respond to any improvement from them, but I also don't want this underhanded emotional manipulation in my life. I'm all for direct and honest communication.

44. A random fact about anything

I just learned you can buy mermaid tails in the city closest to me and I want one.

[zoeclews]

Hypnotherapy for Students: Boost Your Focus and Build Better Study Habits

Are you struggling to stay focused during study sessions or finding it hard to break bad habits like procrastination? You're not alone. Staying on track can feel impossible with many distractions, from social media to constant notifications. That’s where hypnotherapy comes in. It’s an increasingly popular tool for students looking to sharpen their focus, reduce stress, and develop better study habits without the struggle of endless to-do lists or overwhelming pressure.

Why Students Struggle with Focus and Study Habits

Maintaining focus can be challenging as a student, especially when juggling coursework, assignments, and exams. Here are some of the common reasons students find it difficult to concentrate:

Distractions Everywhere: Between your phone buzzing, social media updates, and chatty friends, staying focused can be a struggle.

Procrastination: You know you should study, but somehow, the urge to watch one more episode or recheck Instagram takes over.

Lack of Motivation: Sometimes, the pressure of deadlines or complex subjects can zap all motivation, making studying feel like a chore.

Stress and Anxiety: Worrying about grades, prospects, or the workload can make it hard to focus on the present moment.

Poor Time Management: Study sessions can become ineffective without proper planning, leading to last-minute cramming and burnout.

Hypnotherapy can address these issues by helping students change their mindset and develop strategies for more productive studying.

How Hypnotherapy Can Improve Focus

Hypnotherapy works by accessing the subconscious mind, where many habits and behaviours are rooted. Addressing the mental blocks that prevent them from focusing can help students unlock their full potential.

Reducing Mental Clutter: Hypnotherapy helps quiet the noise in your mind, allowing you to concentrate better. It works by guiding you into a relaxed state where you can let go of distractions and focus entirely on the task.

Improving Concentration: By reinforcing positive beliefs, hypnotherapy can train your mind to stay present and focused for extended periods. You’ll find it easier to concentrate during study sessions and less likely to be distracted by external factors.

Strengthening Willpower: Struggling to resist the temptation of social media or procrastinating? Hypnotherapy can help improve your willpower, making it easier to stick to your study schedule and avoid distractions.

Boosting Memory Retention: Hypnotherapy doesn’t just improve focus; it can also help with memory retention by enhancing your ability to absorb and recall information. This is particularly useful for students preparing for exams.

How Hypnotherapy Enhances Study Habits

Consistent study habits are essential for academic success, but sticking to a routine can be difficult. Hypnotherapy offers practical ways to establish lasting good habits.

Building a Positive Routine: Hypnotherapy can help you create a consistent study routine that feels natural and achievable. It works by rewiring the brain to associate studying with positive outcomes rather than stress or boredom.

Breaking Procrastination Cycles: By tapping into your subconscious mind, hypnotherapy can address the underlying reasons for procrastination, helping you feel more motivated to get started and stick with your tasks.

Increasing Motivation: Hypnotherapy can help you visualise your goals and feel more connected to the benefits of studying. This makes it easier to stay motivated, even when faced with challenging subjects or long hours of work.

Improving Time Management: Good study habits are closely linked to time management. Hypnotherapy can help you prioritise tasks, plan more effectively, and avoid last-minute cramming, leading to more balanced and efficient study sessions.

Managing Stress and Test Anxiety with Hypnotherapy

Exams and deadlines often bring stress and anxiety, which can hinder performance. Hypnotherapy provides a way to manage these feelings, helping students stay calm and confident, even in high-pressure situations.

Reducing Exam Nerves: Hypnotherapy can teach you how to stay calm under pressure by using relaxation techniques to manage your nerves before and during exams.

Developing a Positive Mindset: By encouraging positive thinking, hypnotherapy can help you confidently approach exams and assignments rather than fearfully. This mental shift can lead to improved performance.

Learning Relaxation Techniques: Hypnotherapy introduces methods for deep relaxation, which can be used before exams or during study breaks to keep stress levels in check. Staying relaxed helps you think more clearly and recall information more effectively.

Enhancing Mental Resilience: Hypnotherapy builds resilience by helping you adopt a growth mindset, where challenges are seen as opportunities to learn rather than threats. This approach makes it easier to bounce back from setbacks and stay motivated.

How to Use Hypnotherapy for Study Success

Hypnotherapy isn’t just a one-time solution; you can incorporate it into your daily study routine. Here’s how:

Attend Hypnotherapy Sessions: Whether with a professional hypnotherapist or through self-hypnosis recordings, regular sessions can help you develop and reinforce better study habits.

Daily Practice: Consistency is critical. Just like building muscle, training your brain requires regular practice. Set aside a few minutes daily to practise relaxation techniques and focus exercises.

Visualise Success: Use visualisation to picture yourself succeeding in your studies. Imagine completing assignments, taking exams, and feeling proud of your accomplishments. This can boost motivation and focus.

Combine Hypnotherapy with Other Strategies: Hypnotherapy works well when paired with other study strategies, such as using a study timetable, setting specific goals, and taking regular breaks.

Does Hypnotherapy Work for All Students?

Hypnotherapy can be a helpful tool for many students, but like any approach, its effectiveness varies from person to person. Those open to the process and committed to practising the techniques will likely see positive results. Whether you struggle with procrastination, stress, or focus, hypnotherapy offers a different perspective and can be tailored to your needs.

Ready to Boost Your Study Success?

Hypnotherapy gives students the mental tools to stay focused, manage stress, and build better study habits. If you’ve struggled with procrastination, distractions, or anxiety around exams, this method could be what you need to regain control and boost your academic performance. Why not give it a try? Share your experiences, tips, and thoughts in the comments below, and don’t forget to like and share this guide with others who might benefit from a new study approach.

FAQ

Can hypnotherapy help with long-term study habits, or is it only for short-term focus?

Hypnotherapy can help with both short-term focus and long-term habit formation. It works by addressing underlying behaviours and helping you build a sustainable routine that fits your academic goals.

How soon can I expect to see improvements in my study habits?

While some students notice improvements after just a few sessions, it often depends on individual commitment and the consistency of practice. Most students experience significant changes within a few weeks.

Is hypnotherapy safe for younger students, such as those in secondary school?

Yes, hypnotherapy can be adapted for younger students as well. It’s a safe, non-invasive way to help children and teenagers manage their focus, improve study habits, and reduce anxiety around schoolwork. However, it’s always best to consult with a professional hypnotherapist experienced in working with younger age groups.

© Zoe Clews & Associates

[gendervesp]

Disconnected rambling about individual/community reactions to posts that criticize inter/intracommunity behaviour. Particular to queer spaces but most definitely applicable elsewhere.

When it comes to serious or meme posts that point to a genuine issue within a subsection of the community, or in general, (ex. Posts poking at how transmasc spaces treat transfems, or posts about how there's still misogyny/racism/ableism/... in queer spaces etc. The types of posts you see a hundred arguments of "we're not all like that" underneath), there's like two concepts based around how you respond to these posts that absolutely should coexist and be remembered before typing wars about how "erm ur being rude, we aren't like this at all" start. Cause it's very annoying to see people become brick walls who yell at others for "being divisive" when they're pointing out the shitty behaviour they have to endure in a supposedly safe community.

1. If we feel personally attacked by a post, meme or not, that points to a flaw within a community we share: why? What's so personal about shitty behaviour being called out? Do we feel like it's targeting us? If so, it probably is. But it's targeting our behaviour. Because it's behaviour that clearly is hurting people, we just might not realize it. None of us become fully progressive and null of ingrained bias solely by virtue of being queer - its a process we unlearn day by day. Especially with intersections across other communities. It's common to react negatively to us being in the line of fire for criticism, even when it's deserved, because it's difficult to withstand. But we have to pause before we jump to reckless defend ourselves and start a fight - we gotta sit with it and see how we ought to change to improve. If you feel personally attacked in the sense of "I don't like our community being labelled as such when I, and my friends, don't do this" please see point 2.

2. If you don't feel personally attacked, that's great but it doesn't automatically mean there's no relation to the criticism. We gotta stop with this mindset of "see, this clearly doesn't apply to me so I can ignore it". Maybe we don't explicitly engage in the issue, but implicitly or subconsciously perpetuate it. Keep the post as a reminder to check in with ourselves. And maybe also because even if we truly have unlearned/relearned the issue or whatever, that doesn't mean the rest of the space is issue-free. Keep the post as a reminder of a voice to uplift when we see our fellow community members cross lines and cause harm. Making our spaces and subsects actually safe and healthy is a group effort. We all got a role to play.

.

Either way we gotta stop coming with teeth the first sign someone is critically speaking about inter/intracommunity dynamics. It takes a lot of courage for people to speak about their experiences and issues within supposed safe spaces because the idea that it is "safe" makes it seem like objections to that are faulty, or not of actual concern. Or are subject to dismissal, anger, and shunning.

These posts, even the memey ones that mock the issue crudely as a means to cope and find solace in the isolation of having your own community shit on you, comes from a vulnerability that needs to be heard out first and foremost.

Again, we are not perfect by virtue of being queer or making cheap validity posts about how we support everyone. Actions speak louder. The words we utter outside of explicit declarations of unconditional support for people speak louder. The ideas and people and words and actions we either support or sit by and let pass speak louder. Community entails constant learning, growth, and facing our deepest flaws and cognitive dissonance between our understood morals and how we act towards others.

There's a lot more to this stuff because it's been on my mind for a while but, again, disconnected rn and not cohesive. I just wanted to write down the 2 things I feel are important to recognize when it comes to how people respond to critical posts. Especially since unfortunately tumblr has a reputation for being a hotspot for this type of stuff. I come mostly from instagram nowadays, from spaces where I really see the impact and reflections of people speaking about their negative experiences within the trans/queer community and then getting dogpiled by people who undermine their voices, insult them, claim it's bs and they're "being divisive", pulling a "not all ___" card etc etc etc. Like c'mon. The main thing dividing me from the community is this weird phenomenon where emotional maturity in the face of criticism is non-existent and its fair game to pull out all the punches whenever anyone speaks about issues like this. I prefer communities that can handle criticism and calls for growth and change..

[desifirstwivesclub]

Dealing with abuse as a Desi First Wife

The abuse that Desi First Wives endures comes in all forms, and the list that follows is not all-inclusive.  

Physical abuse.

Domestic violence or abuse.

Sexual abuse.

Psychological or emotional abuse.

Financial or material abuse.

Modern slavery.

Discriminatory abuse.

Organisational or institutional abuse.

Coercive control.

Forced marriage. 

Abuse of Desi First Wives can take many different forms, and it frequently leaves its victims' sense of self and overall health scarred for life.

Emotional Abuse:

A pattern of actions known as emotional abuse is used to undermine a person's sense of self-worth and emotional health. Emotional strategies used in the context of female abuse may include continual criticism, belittling, humiliation, manipulation, and gaslighting. These strategies are meant to undermine a woman's self-confidence, leaving

These strategies are meant to undermine a woman's self-assurance and make her feel confined, alone, and helpless.

Mental Abuse:

Psychological damage brought on by mental abuse frequently results in lifelong emotional suffering. Abuse of this kind may take the form of excessive control, seclusion, threats, or intimidation. A woman may experience a sense of helplessness and inability to make autonomous judgements as a result of the perpetrators' use of techniques to engender fear, anxiety, and dependency.

Financial Abuse:

Controlling or taking advantage of a woman's financial resources is known as financial abuse. The perpetrators may limit access to funds, keep tabs on expenditures, obstruct job possibilities, or rack up debt in the victim's name.

Women who experience financial abuse become dependent on others and lose their independence. making things challenging for them

Women who experience financial abuse become dependent on others and lose their independence, making it difficult for them to leave abusive circumstances.

To assist those who could be facing female abuse, it is imperative to recognise its symptoms. Constant criticism, social exclusion, unexplained behavioural changes, low self-esteem, worry, and unexpected financial hardships are a few of these warning symptoms.

To offer the required support and intervention, it is crucial to comprehend the dynamics of abuse.

To escape abuse, one needs encouragement and empowerment. It is critical to establish safe spaces where women can speak openly about their experiences without worrying about criticism or reprisals. Women can find the strength to identify the abuse, ask for assistance, and improve their well-being and independence by creating a supportive atmosphere.

Desi First Wives abuse,  whether it is physical, psychological, or financial, has a significant and long-lasting impact on victims' life. It is crucial to increase awareness, end the silence, and assist people who have been abused. We can enable women to escape toxic relationships and build a world free from abuse by promoting a culture that values empathy, respect, and gender equality. Together, we can fight against female exploitation and advance a culture that upholds the dignity, security, and wellbeing of all women.

If you would like to share your in-laws stories please email me at desifirstwivesclub@gmail.com or DM me at IG:desifirstwivesclub

[drxwsyni]

doubts and desires︱albedo x f!reader

summary: letting go of the past is hard, but losing what you have now would be harder. leaving albedo is neither something you can do, or something you really want, it’s simply taken you a while to understand that. word count: 2k warnings: implied dubcon, stockholm syndrome, past kidnapping

Even with how Albedo had bundled you up in a hat, scarf, gloves, and coat―it still failed to ward off the chill that seemingly sucked the warmth right from your body. Yet you said nothing about it, the unwanted attention it would draw from him inevitable if you made your discomfort known. And, you were almost certain he would drag you back to the cabin if he knew how the cold was treating you.

You didn’t enjoy the biting temperatures, but you didn’t want leave. Not when it’s been so long since you descended the mountain, that you barely even remember the feeling of snowfall against your skin.

The whole situation he’s placed you in is really quite foreign―confusing.

In how he’s letting you accompany him in his research, not far from his―your home. A safe distance, so to speak. Or that’s what he said, at least.

You realized that the way he spoke of this outing, how it’d just be the two of you, and that you wouldn’t venture very far; they were words of comfort. Not said to reassure himself that things would go smoothly, but to calm the look of trepidation in your eyes from the mere suggestion of going outside.

Now, seeing Albedo’s nonchalant demeanour while he studies the petrification of a fallen tree, it puts your mind at ease. Sure, if you look closely you’ll be able to see the way his eyes flicker to your form every few seconds or so, making sure you were right where he left you, but generally the alchemist is calm.

It makes you calm, for a moment it feels like you’re able to settle down and appreciate the intricate beauty of the snow swept mountain you stand upon. Best to do so now, knowing it wouldn’t be long until he would lead you home, sheltered safely away from the danger of the mountain’s climate.

“Oh―I didn’t know you were to be researching today, Albedo sir.”

With your back turned to the newly appeared stranger behind you, the cold that had seeped into your bones no longer posed as the only thing holding you in place―it was also now an icy fear.

You watched unmoving from your spot as Albedo gave pause, a hint of contemplation flashing across his face before standing.

“Timaeus. I thought you were studying back in the city.”

The man, who you had yet to properly address, responded with a somewhat nervous laugh.

“Yes, well I was, but it led me to do my own research out in the field…”

Always in a strangely graceful manner, Albedo dusted off his pants and straightened his jacket. A look of unashamed disinterest painted his expression as Timaeus rambled on about his findings.

Truly, you don’t recall Albedo ever showing such emotions with you―a detail not necessarily heartwarming, but still reassuring in an indescribable way.

Perhaps it was due to you being so sure that he’d rid himself of you when you no longer proved useful. Which made the swirling of affection and enamour in his eyes when he gazed upon you settle your nerves, even in just the slightest.

“...which I unfortunately have yet to procure. But―ah, I’ve gotten ahead of myself again. My apologies, how is your research coming along. And...who might you be?”  

If Albedo recognized the look of severe anxiety flashing across your face, he paid no mind. Instead giving you a small, somewhat warm smile. As if to say, “Go ahead.”

The few seconds that passed were done in silence, you desperately trying to read Albedo’s face for ulterior motives, and the man behind you shuffling awkwardly in place while he waited for a response.

By some miracle, your body moved on autopilot, turning around to finally acknowledge the cause of your newfound distress. Only, you couldn’t even look him in the face.

Your mouth was dry, mind foggy and unable to think of a response that was anywhere near being coherent.

“...I―uh…”

“This is my new assistant. Please do forgive her, she’s quite shy.”

A shaky breath escaped your rigid body at the sound of Albedo’s voice, and the feeling of his hand resting gently upon the small of your back.

The blatant lie that only you and him recognized echoed inside your head.

Timaeus had no clue who you were, or what you meant to Albedo. But if he did know, you wondered what he would do.

“...Ah, it’s strange we’ve never met before.”

You could tell without looking that Timaeus was studying your form. With the way his tone shifted to something a little more unsettled, a pit grew in your stomach knowing how he had picked up on your questionable nervousness.

The hand resting on your back felt a little more heavy.

Albedo showed no signs of botherment, “That’s likely because she’s not from here.”

For some ungodly reason, the less experienced alchemist took this as an opportunity. “Oh, if that’s the case then we should show her around. Sucrose could use someone like herself to―”

“Actually, we were just leaving. I’m afraid I’ve kept her out in the cold too long, and descending the mountain any further is quite a reckless task in this weather―” His head turned to look at you, no longer addressing his student, “―right?”

If Timaeus was told of what his teacher had done to you, would he help? Even if he looks up to Albedo, even if everyone does, surely they would step in.

Only, the issue remained that first you’d have to prove to them you were in danger.

...And really, you weren’t. Not anymore.

The tender bruises around your wrists and ankles had healed long ago. Your health was in near perfect condition, what with how Albedo saw to it that you never did anything to put it at risk. A single and quick glance would show that you were so pristinely taken care of, complexion shining now that you no longer spent nights sleepless from fear.

What were you to even say?

Moreso, it remained true that you didn’t quite want to say anything.

Timaeus wouldn’t believe your truth, and Albedo would likely spin the scenario so that your words weren’t reliable anyways.

It dawned on you that Albedo knew this fact well, why else would he bring you with him if he wouldn’t still be entirely in control of the situation?

A simple movement, his hand drifted to your hip and gripped it firmly, urging.

Your voice, barely a whisper met his ears.

“...Of course…”

That was all he needed, sending an impatient, yet still neutral glance towards Timaeus, the smallest hint of self-satisfaction lingering in it.

His student took the hint.

_____

“I have to say, bringing you with me was quite...productive.”

After dinner, Albedo has you keep him company in his study. You, occupied with a book in a chair across from his desk, while he goes over his findings from the day’s outing.

“Research wise, I was able to study you in a foreign situation.” He continued, conversation one-sided, “The results were to my liking…”

Although construed in his ever sophisticated manner, his words told you that you did something right. He was proud, and that notion made the swell of a strange warmth in your heart grow.

The alchemist’s gaze remained downcasted at the papers strewn about in front of him while he spoke. “...I suppose you should be rewarded for such good behaviour.”

Your eyes flitted up, the story on your lap abandoned completely.

Albedo has never spoken of such a thing, not once entertaining the idea of rewards when he saw no reason to ever extend such gratitude. Even after all this time.

He must be especially pleased, you thought.

Perhaps, enough to grant you back even a small semblance of independence...that would most certainly be your wish.

You’d long grown used to his suffocating personality, the intense interest he paid you often resulting in little to no alone time. Albedo made sure you stayed in eyeshot, and in those inevitable times he needed to leave, he made them quick, and you were to be safely tucked away in the bedroom, door locked from the outside. There wasn’t a single detail he missed, no stone left unturned when trying to improve your security.

Unfortunately for you, it left little autonomy.

Just the smallest taste of self-reliance would be fine. You’d love to cook a nice meal, like the ones you used to make. Or perhaps to pick your own outfit one morning, something more your style than the things he put together for you. Any break from his constant guidance, no matter what shape or form, you’d gladly take―

“Why don’t you go get cleaned up then, I’ll meet you upstairs soon.”

Albedo neglected to look up as he spoke, and so he missed how the glimmer of anticipation in your eyes faded away. The way your shoulders dropped slightly, the look of disappointment flashing across your features in understanding of his words.

What he had planned, it was a reward...of sorts.

An excuse, as far as you saw it.

Albedo was known for testing the limits of living beings after all, and in certain ways, such studies extended to how he treats you. It’s a win win for him―he thinks it’s a reward, since he knows he can make you feel good, and doing so just shows him all those little things he can’t learn through idle observation. What makes you squirm or shy away with innocent embarrassment―information just as important as everything else he knows about you.

It doesn’t dissuade Albedo when he finally glances up to see what his offer has done, though the sight does make him feel as though he’s deceived you.

Still, he remains unapologetic. “While you gave me some good insight on how far you’ve...adjusted, I still can’t completely trust you. This merely turned out to be a good opportunity for satisfying your other needs―nothing more.”

Flipping open a nearby textbook, Albedo conveys wordlessly, a difficult habit of his, that the conversation has ended.

You, however, have yet to heed his words. Still seated, the once flickering of hope subsiding with each passing second. Call it grief, but you were sincerely expecting a different outcome. Though, knowing Albedo, and his constant need to grow more knowledgeable, you should’ve seen this coming.

“...I’d rather not have to force your compliance tonight. So, please―” He gestured towards the door with a wave of his hand, focus trained and brows barely knitted while he skims over his readings on the desk.

Honestly speaking, you once thought Albedo was a deeply confusing man. So too was the life he’d meticulously prepared, and swiftly forced you into. Yet, looking back, things may have been more simple than you once perceived.

Your only real job is to exist and comply. And you both know you’re not going anywhere, not going to say no. Especially now, given how effortless it feels to fall into routine, going through the motions of his request and carrying yourself upstairs.

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you realize it’s too late for you, what feels like an eternity spent at Albedo’s side having just about rendered your fighting spirit useless. It’s been long since replaced with what you’re coming to know as a certain fondness. You want to see the compassion in his eyes that’s sparked by your willing compliance.

It was a single, tangible goal. Not complex and unobtainable like those tasks of your past life. Attempts at obtaining those desires are futile, when today's events proved you genuinely no longer want them anymore.

It’s much easier to make Albedo proud. You don’t realize that you do it everyday, and that he’s just poor at conveying his own emotions...

Drawing yourself a bath, you wash away past doubts, settling with what your life has turned into.

Distantly, you hear Albedo make his way up the stairs and towards your bedroom. You like knowing what’s to come, which is always something you’ll have with him. You can’t say the same if you leave, and so you finally resolve that you never will.

[scripttorture]

I have a character that is basically drowned while in captivity (not with a rag over the face and water poured over, but with his head shoved into a tub of water). Is it possible that he would develop a fear of water because of it? I think that he would have an intense fear of not being able to breathe (he was also choked on multiple occasions while captive, which I think would also make the fear stronger) but would he be afraid of going into water specifically? Or have a fear of drowning?

I think there was an almost identical question to this some years ago that went to both myself and scripttraumasurvivors.

 I think the likelihood depends on what exactly you mean by ‘fear of water’. Honestly I’m unsure about what you’re describing. And I’d suggest taking a look at the post on common symptoms. Pick 3-5 from the list and portray them consistently.

 Triggers and fears are unpredictable and are not generally this linear. You might not of known that and that’s OK. We’re here to learn and improve.

 Choking and near drowning have been common tortures for literally hundreds of years and I have never heard of something like this broad fear of water in reality. I won’t say it’s completely impossible but I think it’s close to it.

 More to the point I’m not sure it’s a good idea.

 I think you’re better off either picking a more common trigger or deciding what it is about water that you want to be the issue. Because if it is just water then does this character take in fluids? Do they wash? Do they cook? Can they eat soup?

 As someone who grew up in a desert I can attest that a complete avoidance of water will result in a mild case of death. And if we’re talking about a trigger, about panic attacks and PTSD flashbacks whenever it comes up, then I think you are talking about constant dehydration plus the inability to wash, eat and excrete without pain.

 But I can probably help you come up with some alternatives.

 Near drowning tortures don’t generally involve clean water. So did the water used have a particular smell or flavour? If a tub, trough or bucket is left full of standing water for a long period of time it tends to take on a brackish quality, a sourness and a slight rotten smell.

 That smell or similar tastes could be a trigger.

 It would be a lot harder for the character to identify but it could give some of kinds of responses you imagined. The character might walk into a bathroom and have a visceral negative reaction with no idea why. They might love going for outdoor walks and find they avoid certain routes without consciously realising that the anxiety spike is due to the standing water they can smell along that walk.

 They might respond badly to the feeling of water on their face.

 So they don’t go out when it rains. They take baths instead of showers.

 We don’t actually detect dry/wet; what we feel as ‘wet’ is a combination of detecting pressure and temperature. Which means that we can feel something is ‘wet’ without there being any water involved. Something slightly cold, pressed against the skin can feel similar to water.

 So leaning against things like a window pane or a radiator could be triggering.

 Ties and shirts with tight, high necklines can create the impression of restricted breathing. Note they shouldn’t actually restrict breathing but they can create that impression, which can act as a trigger. Necklaces, especially heavy ones, can do the same thing.

 Moving a little further from your original concept; the character was held down. So hands on their shoulders or the back of their neck are another possible option. They might also be triggered when people are close behind them. Which would effect how they move and act around groups of people, keeping a larger distance and trying to limit the space behind them.

 What I’m doing here is trying to find sensory associations. Because that’s generally how these things seem to work, little details about an event serve as subconscious reminders and raise all those negative responses/feelings.

 Picture the traumatic event your character survives. Think about things like the smells, the lighting, the sounds and tactile sensation beyond the direct cause of pain.

 The smell of the room or the shampoo the torturers used could be triggers. So could the hum of fluorescent lightbulbs.

 Triggers aren’t logical connections. They’re associations our subconscious makes. They aren’t always easy to understand or identify.

 Neither your audience nor your characters need to know what is triggering this character. You need to know in order to portray it consistently but no one else really needs to know. The choice of whether these triggers are easily identified is just that.

 I think it might be a good idea to step back and consider what the triggers could add to the story. It’s also worth considering what the character’s other symptoms are and how the triggers interact with those symptoms.

 Mostly I think it’s important not to treat the trigger as the main part of the symptom. Anxiety disorders, PTSD and any other condition that can be triggered continue to exist in the survivor outside of the presence of triggers. It’s always worth thinking about what that looks like in your character.

 Triggers can add a lot to the story and the expression of your character’s symptoms. But they’re not where this process stops. I think if you put a lot into creating strange or incredibly broad triggers then you risk detracting from the symptoms themselves.

 It’s a balancing act. And part of getting it right is experimenting with your writing.

 If your writing style allows it I think it might be worth using this to experiment. Write a couple of scenes with the character having a more common trigger, then try writing the same scenes with the broader triggers you’d originally planned. Remember to include the knock on effects of any trigger on both scenes.

 Look over all the scenes. Think about how well the symptoms and their impact on the character’s life come through. Think about whether it’s more difficult to keep the plot on track. Think about how difficult it is to keep track of all the knock on effects of the trigger and all of its impacts on the character’s behaviour.

 And consider how the triggers add to the story you’re trying to tell.

 If you feel like the really unusual triggers are adding a lot to your story and you can easily balance all of the elements- Well I’d still think it’s weird and unrealistic. But so long as you’re not suggesting this is a ‘normal’ response I don’t see it as problematic.

 I do think it would be a lot harder to write these triggers seriously and balance all the other elements. Like the rest of the symptom set and the plot.

 And if that’s the case then I’d suggest switching to a more common trigger.

 I hope that helps.

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[little-miss-kitti]

Your scent

*Ahem* *Ahem* Hello, I tried writing something long...

Not sure if I got Victor’s characterisation correct, so plz feel free to leave feedback <3 I kind of wanted to explore how he would handle the advances of Chik (who we know has made advances on him in the past) after realising he’d fallen in love with MC. Just a lil scenario my brain cooked up ehehe~ hope you like it x

Disclaimer: ITS A LIL BIT NSFW(ish)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Victor could say with great confidence that being CEO never got easier. Thankfully the board meeting that afternoon had gone pretty much according to his expectations, due in part to the preparation he’d done overtime. What he hadn’t expected was to find Chik relaxing leisurely his couch when he entered his penthouse late in the evening, clothed in a tight black dress that exposed too much skin to be comfortable on a chill winter evening. A sly, teasing smile, that had no doubt seduced many men, had crept across her lips at his obvious confusion.

“So, this is what a CEO’s home looks like?” She commented in a pensive tone, eyes wandering around casually. “Your penthouse is quite beautiful.”

“Yes, I’m very fortunate.” Victor said curtly, irritation sparking in his chest. “May I ask what you are doing in it?”

Chik wasn’t fazed by his tone and replied lightly, “Waiting for you, of course.”

Victor was the only one who knew the door code to the penthouse, aside from you and Goldman when you needed to drop files off. But neither of you had reason to tell her. The building manager must have been persuaded to give her the key. He’d settle that problem later.

Deciding that it was important he keep his composure, Victor loosened his tie slightly and went to sit on the sofa opposite, maintaining his air of business.

“Is there something you would like to discuss?” He asked, using the level tone that usually reminded everyone in the room who had the authority. “I assume that’s why you’re here.”

“Why so formal? You can relax with me.” Chik said silkily. “I’m not here for my agency. I’m here for…personal reasons.” The obvious point in her tone left no mystery to her objective, and Victor tried not to show his disgust when she leaned forward deliberately onto her crossed legs to give him a not-so-subtle view of her cleavage.

He didn’t find it difficult to show his disinterest. “Is it personal funding you’re after? With the popularity of your last series I find it hard to believe you’re in need of financial support—”

He was cut off by an indignant scoff. “Jesus, Victor.” Chik rolled her eyes and pushed herself to her feet.

The clicking of her heels on the marble floor as she made her way towards him grated on his already frayed nerves, and he clamped his jaw to keep himself from saying something that might affect his relationship with the agency.

“I know you make it a point not to play around with women, but,” she slid her knees onto the couch on either side of his thighs, straddling his lap. The stench of her perfume was sickeningly overpowering. Wetting her lips, she gazed down at him under long lashes. “Don’t you think you’ve kept me hanging a little too long?”

Victor looked up at her in his unaffected way, attempting to identify what it was that made her so decidedly unattractive to him. Was it that arrogant confidence in the curl of her lip that said she could get whomever she wanted whenever she wanted? Was it the shameless way she’d let herself into his apartment – without removing her shoes – on the assumption that he would give her the attention she so obviously craved? Or was it simply the fact that he was in love with another so completely different to the woman straddling his lap, that he found himself comparing her every move to the one he wanted on top of him.

Victor had seen a lot of confidence throughout his career; most of which unfortunately seemed to stem from the arrogance of constant success with the absence of hard work. Maybe that was one of the reasons you had managed to pique his interest. You’d shown him there was innocence in the confidence of knowing you had the ability to excel, and your unwavering determination to give it your all to make it so. He’d thought your determination to challenge him naïve at first, but humoured your attempt for his own entertainment. When you rose to the challenge, he reluctantly acknowledged your work-ethic and competence as a manager, though noted there was still much room for improvement. It was as he spent more time with you, Victor began to realise why your subordinates loved and respected you so much. It was different to the fearful respect and distant admiration his subordinates had towards him. Rather, yours bantered and laughed with you easily, but respected your decisions and authority as a superior they relied on and looked up to. Your patience and kindness spoke volumes that his curt tone and sharp criticism never could.

After a while it began to affect him too.

Many women had pined for his attention over the years, using their beauty and expected corporate inheritance to flaunt themselves like peacocks in a futile attempt to catch his eye. But you he could read like an open book, so it had been easy to see you had no ulterior motives from the start. In that sense there was something refreshing about the innocence of the friendship that blossomed naturally between you. And the more you revealed of herself, the more he wanted to know. 

He’d quickly realised just how fun you were to tease and found great amusement in the vast expanse of your reactions to his playful banter. Sometimes you snapped back with a witty response that had him smiling for the rest of the day, and other times (much to his delight) you could be so lost for words and do nothing but turn your face away with an indignant huff to hide your hot blush. It was in those times that Victor found himself most in danger of acting unpredictably. Even his display of physical affection towards you had become increasingly daring. It started with a gentle pat on your head, then the affectionate tucking of a strand of hair behind your ear, then the graze of his lips against your forehead or eyelids in a way that left you both unsure whether or not it could be defined as a kiss; and one time, you were being so cute that he only just managed to catch himself before he’d taken your face in his hands and kissed you full on the mouth.

And yet at the same time you seemed so oblivious to his affections that Victor felt like he was driving himself into a hole. Surely, he’d made his feelings obvious enough. But then again, even Victor hadn’t realised just how gentle he’d become with you until recently. And you were a dummy, after all.

He was recalled abruptly to the current situation when Chik, tired of waiting for a reaction, ducked her head impatiently and began to press firm kisses to his neck. Disgusted, Victor quickly debated whether it would be ruder to push her off, wipe his neck with a tissue and call security; or just tell her straight that he was not remotely attracted to her or her body. As he decided, Chik’s hand snaked its way down his chest to rest on the crotch of his suit pants. The contact sent a wave of revulsion coursing through Victor’s body, and he grabbed her wrist with ungentlemanly strength. Thinking she’d achieved something, Chik lifted her head victoriously and cast him a smug smile.

“You’re turned on, aren’t you?” she purred against his ear. “Let me help. No one will be able to satisfy you like I can.”

Victor was very much turned off, and if he’d let her continue her aimless palming of his crotch, she would have soon realised he was as limp as a dead fish. The only hands he wanted on him were yours. More than he cared to admit, he allowed his thoughts to stray to the ways he could please you, the way he’d dreamed of hearing you moan his name, and he’d realised his longing to feel the warmth of your body against his. But you weren’t his yet. Perhaps you would never be his, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to let another woman fill the position he’d reserved solely for you. Deciding his relationship with the agency could go to hell if they encouraged this manner of behaviour, Victor stood up abruptly, throwing Chik from his lap. She stumbled to catch her footing on the floor and looked at him apprehensively, apparently not quite sure whether to feel confident or concerned.

“There is and will only ever be one woman permitted to sneak into my house uninvited.” Victor said coolly, his voice dangerously low. “And you aren’t her. I will see you to the door.”

Astounded by the silent ire she saw simmering in his dark eyes, Chik realised quickly that he wasn’t just being thoughtlessly dismissive like before. The space in Victor’s heart was now truly taken.

He’d fallen in love.

Accepting her defeat with grace, Chik followed the direction of his extended arm towards the hallway. She paused at the door, slipped a hand in her purse and held up the penthouse key card between her index and middle finger. “You might want to leave this in the hands of someone you trust.”

Victor took it. “I’ll keep that in mind.” He said as he opened the door.

Once Chik was gone, Victor went straight to the laundry room. The overpowering stench of her perfume still clung to his clothes, and knowing it was the scent of another woman repulsed him. Unbuttoning his shirt, Victor tore it from his body, wiped the side of his neck with it, and tossed it straight into the washing machine. The immediate pang of loneliness that stabbed at his heart was unwelcome, and Victor realised just how much he missed the subtle sweetness of your scent. The way he would catch it on the breeze when you walked past, hanging lightly in the air for only a moment and then gone before he could relish it. Or the way the smell of your shampoo made him achingly aware of how close you were. It was then that Victor found himself dialling your number.

You picked up on the third ring. “Hey, what’s up?”

“Just making sure a certain dummy remembers that she has a report due in three days.”

There was a lengthy pause. “Crap.”

All previous notion for the call was forgotten as a deep frown furrowed across Victor’s brow. “Don’t tell me you completely forgot about it.”

“Then I won’t say a thing.” You replied quickly. “I’ll hang up and get straight onto it— bye!”

The line went dead before Victor had time to reply. Dropping his arm, he looked down at his phone in disbelief. Why, oh why, of all women on this earth, did he fall for a dummy?

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

AHHHH thank you so much for reading <3 It’s my first time writing something so long so I apologise if it got a lil messy ehe

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 52: Dᴏᴘᴘᴇʟɢᴀɴɢᴇʀ

Masterlist

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for.

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Fifty-Two

After following Indra in tense silence for a while, we slowed to a halt and she instructed us to tie our horses nearby a remarkable set of ruins. It was difficult not to be distracted by the looming shapes of the structure and I was aware of how little we knew of Earth compared to the grounders who had built their home here for generations. Despite the nerves building in my stomach, I continued to walk alongside Octavia into the unknown and tried not to allow myself to be distracted by the theories whizzing around in my mind. Indra silently lit a fire and we waited expectantly until she took a seat and I glanced over at Octavia with confusion.

“Who is this woman, Indra?” She enquired as she stepped closer to her mentor with curiosity filling her face and Indra glanced up at her with an unimpressed expression.

“She is a warrior and a friend. She is also your best chance at getting what you want. That is all you need to know.” She responded with a firm tone and Octavia shifted awkwardly on the spot at the firm response. Indra sighed and considered us both for a few moments, before she seemed to decide that she could trust us with some further details. “She was a village leader, like me, until her people were massacred and only she remained. Since then, she has lived alone and accepts tasks from the Commander when she is called upon to serve. As I recommended her for this role, I deliver the assignments and so she will come when I signal.” She elaborated in a bored tone and I felt myself growing tense as I processed this information.

“What makes you think she will help us?” Octavia probed and I felt nervous on her behalf as she continued to press at Indra. I noticed that despite what she had taught me, she mostly ignored the rule to not ask questions and wondered if their time together had allowed them to develop a strong enough relationship for Indra to view her as an equal.

“She does not consider herself part of any clan and cares not for our politics. She serves the Commander for her own reasons, but she has no investment in our distrust of Skaikru. You may be able to use her disinterest in our war to your advantage.” She explained in a tone that conveyed her annoyance at Octavia’s continued questioning, before she turned to inspect me with an assessing eye again. “Your friend resembles her only child. She died in the massacre. I believe this is no coincidence.” She added and I blanched at the information. I shot a panicked glance at Octavia, who seemed equally stunned at this idea, but before I could get any words out we were startled by a sharp voice.

“Who have you brought to me, Indra?” A woman stood at the edge of the ruins, just out of the firelight where it was impossible to discern more than a silhouette and Indra rushed to her feet to greet her. I remained rooted to the spot as I worked to calm the frazzled nerves that her arrival had caused and strained in an attempt to identify any of her features.

“These are allies, Octavia and Indigo Kom Skaikru.” She explained in an even tone and the woman turned toward us with an expression that was unclear in the dark. Though I couldn’t see her face, I could sense her disbelief and began to feel uncomfortable with this plan.

“You would bring Skaikru to this place?” She asked in a cold voice that displayed her suspicion and Indra clenched her jaw defensively. Although she had earlier stated that she considered this woman a friend, they seemed strangely stiff and I began to wonder if this was ordinary grounder behaviour. Until now, I had always imagined that they were warmer in their own relationships, outside of the impending threat of war but it seemed that formality was more deeply ingrained in their culture that I had first believed.

“Octavia trained as my second and has earned my trust. She would not betray it.” Indra stated firmly and I could sense that Octavia was pleased to hear this. “This girl seeks to be taught our ways. I cannot teach her in Polis whilst the Commander still battles to defend the ceasefire. I present her to you for judgement.” She revealed with a flourish before stepping back to allow the woman to assess me.

The stranger strolled slowly toward the campfire and as the light revealed her features, I felt myself take a sharp intake of breath. I recognised her immediately, but had long since forgotten about her existence due to all of the insanity that had occurred since. I recalled my brief guard duty in the woods, where I was ambushed by a grounder who spared my life for no discernible reason and all at once, I understood her choice as I replayed Indra’s words in my mind. She didn’t spare me out of mercy, but simply because I reminded her of her deceased daughter and the haunted expression that she wore as she stared into my eyes only confirmed my suspicions. She glanced over at Indra suspiciously, who nodded in acknowledgement, then back to me as she struggled to regain her composure. She had long copper hair that was almost entirely neatly plaited and a stern face that was as pale as my own. I shared her difficulty, as I stared into her blue eyes that reminded me of my mothers and couldn’t help a pang of familiarity myself.

“I am Arlo Kom Trishanakru. You wish to learn our ways, child?” Her voice was gravelly and full of authority as she stepped closer, and I nodded silently in return. “Your people are soft and weak. You will need to prove that you are worthy of my time. Do that and you will have the chance to regret your request. We do not hold hands. You will keep up or be left behind.” She divulged threateningly and I nodded, despite an overwhelming feeling of uncertainty that gripped my stomach. “Come with me. Indra, we will see how promising your offering is.” She stated as she began to stride away and I was relieved when Octavia and Indra followed together, instead of immediately leaving me alone with her.

Arlo led us further into the ruins in silence and I was amazed by the beauty of the structure. I wondered what this place had been before the world was destroyed, as we stepped through wide archways and into winding tunnels. Octavia and Indra fell further behind us as the space grew tighter and I found myself becoming nervous as I continued to navigate through. Arlo paused for a moment at an open archway and indicated for me to enter first. I took a deep breath and stepped through without question as I had been trained to do. As I emerged into a large, circular space, I heard the sound of a gate slamming and turned to find that I had been locked inside. Octavia hurried over to pull on it, but it didn’t budge and I scanned my surroundings with a feeling of dread.

There were high vantage points, but no other exits and it was clear that I would not be able to escape unless Arlo chose to free me. Octavia pounded against the gate with desperation, despite Indra’s barking orders not to interfere. A gradual movement on the other side of the space drew my attention, as a man chained to the wall struggled to his feet and my heart skipped a beat at the size of him. There was a jangling sound as keys fell from above in a crash at his feet and I faced upward to find Arlo leaning over from an alcove.

“This man slaughtered an entire village. He would have suffered death at the hands of those who call for justice, but there are no survivors to claim that right. Prove to me that you are capable of killing him and I will train you.” She announced from above as the man eagerly snatched for the keys and I stepped back in terror. “You, ripa. If you kill her, I will consider burning your body.” She added to spur him on and I felt my stomach lurch. She threw a dagger down in front of him whilst I frantically reached for mine and my hand brushed over the pistol that was hidden beside it.

I knew that this could improve my chances of survival, but that if I used it in this fight it would not earn my place with Arlo. I would have to depend on grounder tactics if I were to impress her and I gulped nervously as my opponent finished removing his restraints. When he straightened up it was clear that he was enormous, with wide shoulders and a ridiculous amount of muscle. He strode toward me with a menacing attitude and I could hear my heartbeat hammering in my ears.

I held my ground as he closed in on me and as he reached out to slash the knife in a wide motion, I jumped backward to dodge it. Seizing the opportunity to abuse the momentum of him falling forward, I brought my leg up to land a powerful kick in his stomach. He wheezed heavily whilst I bounced lightly on my feet to space myself from him. He hurtled around heavily and I only just crouched in time to avoid a sharp blow that skimmed over my head. Unfortunately, I wasn’t as quick on the next strike and his fist slammed into my face with an earth shattering impact. The shock caused me to stumble and he landed a quick succession of punches that threw me to the ground. I rolled out of the way, causing him to hit the solid floor on his next attempt and managed to drag myself back to my feet, despite feeling like my head could explode at any moment.

All of the training that I’d been through could never have prepared me for fighting to the death with someone this size and I felt myself slipping into panicked habits. I sloppily dodged around him for a while as I wracked my brain for ideas, until a powerful jab caught me in the ribs and I lost my edge. The grounder seized me by the neck and lifted me from the ground with a pressure that made my windpipe feel as if it were about to split in two. I kicked my legs in desperation as I squirmed in his grip and could hear myself screaming in my own mind.

In a moment of clarity, I plunged the dagger into the inner elbow of the arm that he was holding me with and his jerk reaction caused me to plummet back to my feet. Without missing a beat, I struck at his knees, prompting him to fall forward onto them. A desperate burst of energy allowed me to charge forward to kick him under the chin with all of the force that I could muster and he splayed flat on his back. My hands scrambled across the ground for the dagger and I brutally thrusted it into his chest. Hot, sticky blood sprayed up into my face as my hands shook wildly and I remained frozen in place as I stared down into his stunned face. My lungs burned from the panic and several parts of my body throbbed in a way that I knew wouldn’t heal anytime soon.

The gate that had trapped me in here finally swung open and Octavia rushed inside to help me to my feet as I groaned. Indra followed and seemed to view me with a new interest as I wobbled weakly on the spot. I could tell that she was surprised by this experience and couldn’t deny a slight pride in this, hidden deep beneath the whirlwind of emotions that currently wreaked havoc on my mind. Eventually Arlo entered the room with a controlled expression and I panted as I awaited her judgement.

“Well fought and you still live. This is not what I expected.” She commented as she crossed her arms at me and I scoffed at this confirmation that she had believed I would die here. “Very well, I will teach you. We camp here tonight. You’ll begin your training in the morning.” She declared, before sweeping out of the room and leaving me unsure whether I should celebrate or flee during the night. 

***

By morning, my entire body screamed in protest at every attempted movement and sleeping on the ground certainly hadn’t helped with stiffness. I acknowledged that I would probably have to get used to many uncomfortable aspects of living with Arlo and the comfort of Bellamy’s bed felt as if it were a lifetime away. I woke to discover a pile of clothes on the ground beside me and reluctantly slid off my jacket. Before I could get any further, Octavia strolled into the room and smiled warmly at me.

“Ah, I see you got your new uniform then.” She commented as she indicated to the clothing and I shrugged in response. I hadn’t thought as far ahead as this and although I was willing to adapt to as much of the grounder lifestyle as was necessary, I still felt a pang of sadness at the idea of shedding my usual clothing. 

“Yeah, I was wondering about that.” I confessed as she wandered over to take a seat beside me and she shrugged to indicate that she had not expected this either.

“Arlo says you’re too indiscreet in Skaikru clothes. Apparently you need to be able to blend in wherever you’re going.” She explained and I tilted my head thoughtfully. Although this made sense in theory, I had to admit that this earned my curiosity and my mind wandered over what challenges Arlo might have in store for me. It seemed that my training could become more involved than either of us would ever have imagined. “That also means your hair. I’ve got a bit of time before we head out, I could braid it for you? I can guarantee that I'll be gentler than letting her do it.” She suggested and I nodded at her gratefully. She slid into position behind me and made her best effort to get her hands through my hair that had already begun to dread in places. It was remarkably therapeutic for her to neatly organise it into sections and her presence helped me to gradually relax.

“It’s not too late to go back, you know.” She muttered in an attempted subtle manner and I tensed at her voice. “I know that this wasn’t the plan. You left camp to train with Indra and instead you’ve ended up with Arlo, who is…” She trailed off thoughtfully and I could tell that she was struggling to decide what she wanted to say. I wasn’t even sure how I could describe the differences between what I had expected and where I had ended up, but instead decided to lighten the mood with humour.

“The kind of grounder you could imagine eating their young?” I suggested and she snorted in laughter from behind. It was pleasant to enjoy such a simple moment alone with her, even if it was only fleeting and I noticed a pang of nostalgia in my chest. If nothing else, I was glad that my interest in this way of life had allowed me to re-establish my bond with Octavia and that my new knowledge gave me an insight into the person that she had become in our time apart.

“Exactly. Are you going to be okay with her?” She asked with concern in her voice and I sighed before answering. I appreciated our mutual protectiveness, but most of all I was pleased that we had both learned to trust the other to make the correct decision and to respect their wishes. As I reflected on how much things had changed between us since we arrived, an additional surge of determination rose from my chest to continue growing stronger to be able to meet threats at her side.

“I asked for this Tavi, literally killed for it. Now I’m going to make sure that I learn everything I can. I’ll learn to handle Arlo.” I assured her and she hummed thoughtfully behind me. “Just do me a favour and don’t mention the whole fight to the death thing to Bellamy. I won’t visit home until I heal up a bit. I think he’ll freak if he sees me with black eyes again.” I added with a slight snicker and Octavia shuffled around to view me as she finished up.

“I’ll keep it between us, don’t worry. Your hair is all done.” She chimed and as I moved to stand, I hissed in pain. My hand shot to my waist and I struggled to straighten up. “You look terrible.” She added with her brows furrowed tightly and I scoffed as I shook my head at her.

“Charming, thanks babe.” I teased as I forced a smile to hide my difficulty. I started to undress to change into my new outfit and Octavia cursed under her breath as I slid my vest off. She moved closer and brushed her fingers across my waist with a horrified expression.

“Fuck Indie, I think that ogre broke your ribs.” She gasped and I glanced to where she touched to find a large purple bruised area that covered almost an entire side of my waist. I hadn’t paid much attention until now and even I was shocked by the appearance of it. “You need to get this looked at.” She ordered as she met my eyes and I stepped backward to shake her off.

“It’s not that bad. I can’t immediately bail when I’ve only just earned my place.” I argued despite my inner horror and she stared at me in obvious disbelief. “I promise I will get Abby to take a look when I next come to camp, okay?” I offered, as I began to step into the clothing that I’d been provided and tried to ensure that I didn’t show any indication of concern. There was a heavily ripped pair of black jeans and a pair of knee high, lace up boots which I put on first. I was confused by what seemed to be an absence of a top, but Octavia revealed what I thought to be a long piece of fabric was actually a complicated, wrap around shirt which she assisted me into. There was a bodice that fastened at the front and had long, torn strips hanging from the side that allowed me to hide my radio and gun out of sight. Lastly were some arm warmers which had no real function that I could think of, but I put them on to appease my teacher. When I’d finished I turned to face Octavia, who examined me with pride.

“Look at you, you certainly look the part.” She crooned and I shrugged in return. It was interesting to discover how excited she was by this and her enthusiasm gave me a fresh buzz of appreciation for the journey I was about to undertake.

“All I’m missing now is my scary war paint.” I commented in a teasing manner and she shook her head at me.

“They only wear that when they’re going to battle, not all the time. It’s kinda in the name, doofus.” She snorted as she punched me playfully in the arm. I finished arming myself and hid my radio and gun, then followed Octavia outside to meet our mentors.

Indra and Arlo were standing close together as we emerged from the building and spoke in low voices. I noticed Indra passed her a small piece of paper that Arlo neatly tucked away and they touched arms in a grounder gesture of respect. As we neared, Arlo turned to face me with an appraising look and I was sure that I caught a hint of sentimentality in her expression as her eyes roamed my new appearance. For a moment, I wondered if she had even dressed me in a similar manner to her daughter, but the thought was uncomfortable and so I pushed it from my mind.

“Come child, we have much to do.” She ordered as she turned to stride away without another word and I strained to keep my focus in the moment. I glanced at Octavia to find her peeking between us nervously and without warning, she pulled me into a tight embrace.

“Don’t let her kill you.” She whispered with her mouth close to my ear and I smiled fondly over her shoulder. I basked in her comfort for a few moments, allowing her strength to bleed into me and committing the feeling to memory as I worried that I wouldn’t know when I might see her next. As we broke apart, my attention drifted over to Indra, who nodded subtly over at me in approval and my brows raised in surprise.

It took some considerable strength to tear myself away from the security of my best friend and to follow the strangely cold woman who now guided my fate. We collected our horses in silence and I climbed on to find that Arlo had tied hers nearby, out of sight of the meeting spot too. She led me for hours without a single word and I quickly began to miss the chatty rides through the woods with Octavia. I realised that my reality would be quite different now to anything that I’d previously known and steeled myself for the unexpected.

***

The clang of daggers filled the air as I recoiled from another attack and struggled to maintain my balance. Arlo continued to batter me with a barrage of beatings and over the past few days I’d come to understand that my training until now had been merely child’s play. She swept her leg out to take my footing and I slammed into the ground with a groan.

“Get knocked down, get back up.” Arlo threatened as she paced around my crumpled form and I had lost count of how many times I’d heard this statement. I had never known exhaustion as I felt in this moment and I couldn’t catch my breath. The practice had been utterly relentless since we arrived in her camp and I had the gut instinct that she was testing both my stamina and resolve. I tried to sit up but I couldn’t control a single muscle as my entire body cried out in agony. “Do you surrender, sky girl?” She leered from above me and I stared up at her with heavy pants of breath.

“I yield.” I groaned as I dropped my training daggers and stared lazily up at the sky. She had woken me during the night, kept me awake until late, stalked me to attack whenever I let down my guard and now I had nothing left to give. I bitterly awaited a punishment as I laid in the dirt and wondered which bruise I would receive for surrender. Instead, she simply smiled and dropped to a sitting position beside me.

“You are strong for a sky person; determined and stubborn.” She commented evenly and I thought I might die of shock from the compliment. “But you fight with anger and hatred. This fire fuels you, but it burns you also. You cannot control it. You fear it.” She clarified as she studied me with a wisdom that was clear to see. I fidgeted on the ground in an effort to raise myself into a sitting position and she pushed me flat onto my back again with little effort. “This is your weakness. It will get you killed. You must learn to control it.” She ordered in a stern tone and I sighed deeply.

“That is why I’m here. I need inner strength too.” I admitted under my breath and she smirked.

“That cannot be given, you have it or you do not.” She stated coldly as she got to her feet. “You must decide if you wish to be a warrior, or a coward.” She added, dusting herself off and placing her sword back in it’s sheath. “You have today to rest, tomorrow we hunt.” She stated, before striding away without a backwards glance and leaving me swiftly in the dirt.

Once alone in my tent I cleaned myself up, examining the black and blue of my skin that almost seemed to be my natural colour now. I removed the unnecessary items of clothing so that I could relax and my radio dropped to the ground. Wrapping myself tightly in a blanket, I gripped the radio close to me and as the light around the tent faded, I knew that Bellamy would likely be heading back to his quarters by now.

“Xena to Hells Bells.” I spoke quietly into the radio with a sly smile and waited eagerly for his voice. It had been gruelling since my arrival here and I had to admit that I could do with some comfort. A few moments of silence passed and I could imagine Bellamy rushing to find somewhere quiet to respond. I felt my eyes slipping closed from sheer exhaustion when a crackle finally alerted me to his presence.

“Hey Trouble.” The warmth in his words filled my chest, even through the tinny speaker and I felt a smile spread across my lips. “How's life with the Amazons?” He teased and I quietly giggled to myself.

“It’s exhausting on a level I never could have imagined.” I confessed in a meek voice and could sense his concern in his delayed response. Although I wouldn’t lie to him, I was also aware that I needed to be careful how much detail I shared and struggled to consider my words before I shared them.

“Are you alright?” He probed with a thinly veiled worry and I sighed deeply as I analysed my answer for anything that might send him into a protective frenzy.

“I’m getting used to it. How are you? Things okay in camp?” I enquired with a feeling of concern in my gut as the faces of the loved ones that I usually focused on flashed through my mind. The responsibility bared down on me and I tried to push it away before I could find myself crushed under the guilt of leaving them in their time of need. I reminded myself that I was here to become stronger so that I could protect all of us and asserted that I had to focus on myself.

“I’m alright, nothing much has changed here. I’m better now that I know you’re safe.” He mumbled and I hummed thoughtfully. I knew that he would be finding this change difficult, as his nature always urged him to keep his loved ones close and under his protection and I was proud of him for how well he was dealing with this. It was an important lesson for us both and although my heart cried out for him, I steeled myself against the loneliness that threatened to swallow me.

“We’re gonna be moving on tomorrow, so I don’t know when I’ll next be able to check in.” I relayed as I broke into a yawn mid sentence and he sighed.

“You sound like you could use some rest. I hope she’s giving you a chance to sleep?” He interrogated in a voice that I recognised well as defensive and I hummed in response sleepily. “It’s good to hear your voice Indie. Get some sleep and stay in touch.” He remarked and I could already feel my eyelids becoming heavy following the relief of speaking with him.

“I will. Take care of yourself. I’ll come back soon.” I mumbled before switching off the radio with a pang in my chest and settled down for a night of well earned sleep.

[missmentelle]

I keep hearing "if you're worried about being a bad person, you're not a bad person" and just wondering if that's true from a psychology perspective? The line of logic goes, a "real" toxic/abusive/narcissistic person wouldn't care that their actions hurt others, so if you're worrying about it, then you're definitely not one. Is that really the case though?

It’s... complicated. But no, not really. 

So, for starters, there’s no such construct as a “bad person” in psychology. Or a “good person”, for that matter. “Bad” and “good” are value judgments, and psychology tries to avoid making value judgments; we simply aim to identify and describe certain patterns of symptoms of behaviour. The fact of the matter is that everyone does things that could be considered “bad” and “good”, and no one is perfect. We have all hurt other people in our lives, both intentionally and unintentionally. It’s also important to remember that morality is not black-and-white - many, many things fall into a moral grey zone, and different people will have wildly different perspectives on what is right and wrong, and who is a “good” person or a “bad” person. A doctor or psychologist cannot tell you if you are a good person or not. That is something that you ultimately have to decide for yourself, after carefully comparing your own actions to the values that you hold. 

You are right that there are certain diagnoses that make a person much more likely to harm others in their lives without really examining their own actions too closely. People with narcissistic or anti-social personalities tend to center their own feelings, and disregard any hurt they cause others. Narcissistic people specifically think of themselves as being highly important, special, and deserving of recognition and success. They tend to enjoy being in a position of power over others, and they are comfortable manipulating and harming others for their own gain. People with anti-social tendencies and disorders, on the other hand, are easily bored and enjoy antagonizing others to get a reaction - any reaction. They are chronically irresponsible, deceitful, and uncaring, and they have no empathy for the people they hurt. If you find that you are chronically unable to feel any empathy for the people around you, or to regard their feelings in any way, that’s definitely a huge red flag that you’re probably harmful to the people around you - although of course, you won’t really care. 

Unfortunately, though, caring if you hurt people is not a guarantee that you aren’t doing it. Life and mental health are just not that simple. Many people who behave in toxic or manipulative ways toward others are anguished about it, and constantly worry about it - yet they continue to do it anyway. I think most of us have been in the awkward position of having a friend who didn’t treat us very well, possibly due to serious mental health concerns (maybe too clingy, dropping in and out of our lives without warning, flaky, not interested in our problems, overly critical, etc) who also asked for constant reassurance that they weren’t a horrible person and that you didn’t hate them. My boyfriend has an ex with untreated borderline personality disorder; she constantly, constantly agonized over the possibility that she was a “toxic person”, while doing nothing to change the fact that she was actually being extremely toxic to the people in her life. She harassed my boyfriend for more than six months after they broke up, while still continuing to make public social media posts of herself crying and talking about how she never wants to be a bad person. Although it’s fictional, another good example of this phenomenon can be found in Bojack Horseman - the main character spends the entirety of the show grappling with what it means to be a good person, while also consistently hurting the people around him. It would be nice to believe that simply worrying about hurting others is a guarantee that we don’t do it, but it’s just not that easy. 

Figuring out if you are being hurtful to the people you care about is a ongoing process that requires constant honesty with yourself, vigilance, and self-reflection. Being worried is not enough - you have to dig a lot deeper than that. For instance, you need to consider:

What does my relationship history look like? Everyone has relationships that end poorly or just don’t work out, for a wide variety of reasons. But it’s important to examine your relationships as a whole, to see if any troubling patterns emerge. When your relationships end, do you tend to just drift apart and lose contact, or do they tend to end with dramatic blow-ups? Do people tend to remain on okay terms with you after losing contact, or have you had a lot of people specifically block you and cut you out of their life? Again, everyone has had relationships go sour, but if there is a consistent pattern of people dramatically severing ties and relationships turning hostile and toxic, it’s typically a sign that there’s a problem in there that’s worth examining.

How do I react when I realize I’ve wronged someone? When you realize you have done someone wrong - either by your own realization, or by them telling you - how do you react? Do you accept responsibility and apologize, even if you think the incident was no big deal? Do you ignore the situation? Do you do something to try to make it up to them? Have you ever gotten angry or upset with someone for telling you that you hurt them? Again, fuck-ups and mistakes happen - we are human. It’s how you deal with those fuck-ups that matters. 

How were the last few arguments I’ve been in resolved? Think back to the last few times you had a serious disagreement with someone. What happened? Were you able to resolve the issue in a way that worked for both of you? Did the argument escalate? Did one person steamroller over the other? Disagreements are inevitable, but the way that we handle even the most serious difference of opinion says a lot about who we are. 

Am I generally reliable in relationships? Do you show up when you say you’re going to show up? Do you remember the things people tell you, or do you have to constantly be reminded about the basic details of other people’s lives? Do you send birthday greetings, answer texts most of the time, and make a point to be there for important events in others’ lives? Again, no one is perfect at this, but making an effort to be consistent about this stuff - and giving others a heads-up or apology when you are struggling to do it - is important. 

Have I been insensitive with others? Are you sensitive to other people’s needs? Do you generally manage to use tact when discussing delicate topics with people? Do you remember to avoid certain topics with certain people, and avoid airing people’s personal information in front of others? Nobody has perfect manners, but it’s important to make an effort to consider the comfort and feelings of others.

How do I treat people that I dislike? How you treat the people you dislike - or don’t know - is almost as important as how you treat the people you do like. Do you ever behave vindictively toward people you don’t like? Do you gossip about them? Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone’s life harder in some way because you didn’t like them? It can seem satisfying or justified to get our revenge on someone who wronged us, but this can quickly reach a point where it’s unproductive and cruel. 

Do I take no for an answer? Do friends and loved ones feel comfortable saying no to me? Do I tend to accept it when things don’t go my way, or do I tend to push and try to convince others to change their minds? Have I ever gone behind someone’s back after they’d already said no? It can be difficult to face rejection or an outcome that you don’t want, but being able to take it gracefully is important.

Obviously, this isn’t a comprehensive list of what it takes to be a “good person” to others, and you don’t have to hit every point on it all the time. We all have times where we are stressed and tired, or where we just drop the ball. Shit happens. But it’s important to keep examining ourselves in an honest way, and looking for places we can improve. Best of luck to you!Miss Mentelle

[enlightened-leader-success-vault]

Relationships - How our relationship with ourselves impacts on our relationships with others

The relationship we have with ourselves is based on a number of things, our genetic make up and hormonal and chemical balance – (nature), how we are bought up – (nurture) and on our interpretation of all our experiences both positive and negative, throughout our lives.

Every experience we have is filtered through our senses and through the set of principles by which we measure any experience. Let me give you some examples.

You are in a park. It is a beautiful day. A large hairy dog comes galloping up to you, tongue lolling out. Do you think “What a great dog, isn’t it friendly?” or “Oh no, that great brute is coming for me, look at its huge mouth …!”

You are in the same park sitting on a bench enjoying the sunshine. A stranger comes and sits next to you on the bench. They say “Hello” and try to start up a general conversation. Do you think “Friendly person” and make general conversation with them or think “What do they want? Must move away as I feel threatened”.

Neither response is better or worse than the other but how you respond to outside experiences with make a huge difference to what you expect out of life, the way you live and enjoy your life and the sort of relationships you create with others.

It is important to understand that you can radically change the relationship you have with yourself if you choose to do so. Patterns of belief which have run the way in which we behave can be changed quite radically. It is actually a matter of conscious choice. We can create our dream life or live a nightmare existence or anywhere between the two.

To exercise choice you need to be very clear about what you believe and the impact that has on the way you behave. To do that you need to audit the status quo honestly and to decide which parts are serving your needs well.

Once you identify the things which are working well you can protect them and use them as a model for other positive beliefs and behaviors.

Once you identify those old beliefs and patterns of behaviour which do not serve your best interests you can face them, deal with them and create more positive and productive beliefs and behaviours in their place. You may think that the process sounds simplistic and unlikely but I guarantee that it can be done by anyone who has a real desire to improve their life and their relationships. You may find it easier to have the support of a life coach to help you navigate through any stormy waters.

The relationship you have with yourself has a huge impact on your relationship with others.

Any partnership is really a combination of three relationships. The first two being relationship which each individual has with themselves. The third is the relationship the two people have with one another. Whilst I am going to focus on personal relationships the principles hold true for us in a professional context too.

At its best, a truly loving, interdependent relationship makes us more than we would be as separate independent people. It is based on the principles of win-win. Both parties have a commitment to look for the best way for both parties – they will look for solutions which facilitate growth and trust. The relationships are built on mutual trust and respect and communication is open and ongoing.

At its worst a relationship can be destructive, where power and control play a major part and where there are always winners and losers. Partners constantly strive to get their own way and see giving in as a sign if weakness and defeat. Communication is often sparse or built on misunderstanding. People use the same words but mean entirely different things.

For many people their relationship exists somewhere in the middle ground. There are times when it is great, but that at other times tensions surface and difficulties are experienced usually around particular themes.

Common ones are money, the way one partner treats and values the other, life style and health, work life balance, trust and fidelity (perceived or otherwise). This list is not definitive and often couples have issues around multiple themes which are interrelated.

An example would be concern about work life balance and health. Partner A feels that they spend too much time alone because partner B spends too much time at the office. They feel neglected and unloved. At the same time they are worried about how stressed their partner is and the fact that they drink too much and are carrying too much weight.

If you want to truly understand the relationship with your partner and understand how to make it work even better, you need first to understand the relationship you have with yourself and then need to be open to understanding the relationship your partner has with themselves.

SELF AUDIT

So what sort of relationship do you have with yourself? Think carefully about the following questions. Be as honest as you can. There is no right or wrong answer. The questions are designed to help you understand yourself and your approach to life even better than you do at present.

How do you introduce yourself when you meet someone new at work?

How would you introduce yourself if you were at a party?

Do you still introduce yourself as what you do?

“I’m a financial advisor” or “I work in insurance”

How would you introduce yourself if you were not able to use what you did professionally as part of your description?

Do you find that more difficult?

When you look in the mirror when no one else is about. Who do you see? What sort of person are you? Think about how you would describe yourself to others?

You could start with describing the values you live by: I’m kind, I'm hardworking

I have a strong sense of integrity etc.

What are your unique abilities?

What are you good at?

What do you enjoy doing?

How would you describe yourself physically?

How do you feel about yourself?

Do you like yourself as you are?

How highly do you value yourself?

Do you esteem yourself?

What gives you your sense of worth?

Is just being you - enough?

Do you rely on the opinion of others or on what you can do for others to give you a sense of who you are?

When do you feel the best about yourself? Do you ever feel great about yourself?

Take some time out to think about the times you have felt really good about yourself during your life to date. Are there any common patterns?

Consider the following statements and decide if they are:

Always true? Sometimes true? Never true?

I feel best about myself when I’m at work

I feel best about myself when I’m in social situations

I feel best about myself when I’m in private situations at home

I feel best about myself when I have drunk alcohol

I feel best about myself when I feel I’m in control of the situation

I feel best about myself when I feel I am needed

I feel best about myself when I am doing something for other people

I feel best about myself when I am winning

I feel best about myself when other people notice what I am doing and say well done

I feel best about myself when other people notice what I am doing and say thank you

I only believe I am doing a good job if other people notice and tell me

I always feel physically attractive and good about my body

I believe in myself at all times – I don’t need others to tell me I’m doing well

I believe in myself in the work place – I don’t need others to tell me I’m doing well

I believe in myself socially – I don’t need others to tell me I’m doing well

I believe in myself within my special relationship – I don’t need my partner to reassure me all the time

I’d really like to have a special relationship but I’m not attractive / good enough

The way in which we see ourselves may be very different to the way others see us. We may feel very confident and know our worth in one situation yet feel incredibly inadequate and of little worth in another.

If our sense of self worth is generated more by external verification than by an internal sense of self worth then there is a constant need to be recognized, praised and thanked. When this is achieved it feeds the need for more recognition because it gives us pleasure. When it is not forthcoming it creates a sense of failure and lack of self – esteem which is potentially destructive.

Like all things we need a balance between the extremes. If you are entirely self absorbed and consider yourself perfect in every way it is highly unlikely that you will be the perfect partner, employee or boss. It offers no scope for self improvement or personal growth.

Creating a strong sense of self worth and confidence with a desire to be even better is the ideal. Determining our strengths, learning to love ourselves for who we are – wobbly bits included as a fantastic starting point to creating a wonderful life. If you feel your sense of worth could do with an overhaul – a rebalance, you may find working with a life coach helpful as there are lots of approaches which are tried and tested and could save you much time and effort.

[blooming5th]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.

Are they underrated?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.

How strictly do you follow canon?  — Pretty strictly, I think? I mean... I do always try my best to stick to canon events because although I am a big fan of AUs, I absolutely suck at writing canon-divergent characters. I also look out for possible dialectisms that come from Hinamori & put some work towards Hinamori’s personal development; all of this according to whatever has happened to her in canon / is shown by her in canon.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  There’s an entire world waiting beyond Hinamori’s pretty face? She’s still pretty much just a baby when in comparison to many other Lieutenants (being the second youngest, right after lil Yachiru), which makes her super innocent and funny. She’s also very upbeat, easy-going, and friendly! She’s such a devoted Lieutenant and honestly a great worker? Super strong with her kido spells, too! A great student?! A very, very good girl, honestly! She’s the greatest person you will ever meet, I swear to GOD !!

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Most of the people, from what I can perceive from reading different opinions and have read through my years in Bleach forums and such, is that she’s pretty mentally weak. Hinamori seems to be extremely unbalanced and the previously mentioned devotion actually becomes... a weakness? Although I don’t agree with it ( mostly because I do believe her devotion towards Aizen was induced and not... something natural ), I can understand what people mean by this. Also, she mostly uses magic spells and keeps herself at a certain distance when in combat;; which people might easily perceive as her being weak when it’s just... her fighting style and body stature.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  I have roleplayed Hinamori for over 6 years now? almost 7, actually. I made this blog in 2014, however, I was supposed to be writing Hitsugaya. I ended up changing my entire blog’s aesthetics, not even a week later, to match Hinamori and decided to try her out. Why? Well... long story short... the fandom was full of Hitsugaya blogs. asjhdfasjdhfg I didn’t want simply be just one more in the ocean of amazing Hitsugaya writers;; so I decided to write someone who gave me access to heavy development ( because there was so little content back then ) and fun times ! lil peach was the obvious answer!

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  Most of the time its music? Whenever I decide to focus on an rp blog, I create a go-to playlist that helps me channel the muse’s traits and helps me write with more ease! That... and re-reading manga pages that might make me come up with headcanons, which I, later, always tend to apply to threads. Oh yeah, uh... LMAO! How could I forget? Talking to friends and discussing things with them, also often lets my creativity soar and helps me channel my muse’s persona. uwu

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO. 

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. 

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  Honestly, yes? I am a person that needs to receive constant criticism & is very open about it, too. I often find myself asking for criticism & find myself craving for bigger improvement.

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  HELLS TO THE YES !! But then again... who doesn’t? It makes me so so happy whenever I receive a question or a simple message that might help me develop Hinamori’s character traits or behaviours? I love my girl so much;; knowing that others want me to gush about her amazingness & make her grow even more is nothing but an honour to me, tbh.

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Well... yeah? But not in a bad way, of course! I absolutely love discussing headcanons and getting different points of view from things ( such as headcanons, in this specific topic ) so I can center myself and find a clearer way to analyze things! Discussing headcanons is dope, man!

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  This is going to be a pretty short response cause ;; I don’t care? I’m not here to really... please others. I’m here to have fun for my own self and to enjoy writing with other amazing fellas. Ain’t nobody gonna rain on my parade with unnecessary negativity;;

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  I haven’t ever seen many people hate Hinamori’s character? However, I do have seen quite the few people disregard her as the important character she is, or reduce her to a level that doesn’t... entirely fit the reason why she was created. Still, it’s none of my business. I don’t let it get to me or feel... the need to do anything about it? Or even talk about it? I can’t really change people’s views, so I often would just rather love my baby peach and let others do as they please.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  ABSOLUTELY? It’s even part of my rules like ;; please tell me if you ever find a grammatical error ANYWHERE in my blog. English isn’t my mother tongue and thus it can be very difficult for me to keep up with fancy writing while also sticking to correct grammar? idk if this makes sense but... yknow.

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  I do think I am very easy going kind of fella? Sometimes it takes me forever go get to messages ( both through discord & IMS ), but I think that’s because lately I’ve been feeling super emotionally drained ;; I haven’t been out of my goddamn house for three months and I sincerely miss seeing faces that aren’t my parents. I did take a drive the other day but... sobs... it left such a bittersweet taste. ANYWAY !! Yes. I’m very easy going and talkative. Also a big, big enthusiastic? And positivist! I am someone who always prefers to stick to the bright side of life and ignore anything that might be the least problematic so yeah ~ I am uwu. Come meet me. I’m cool. I swear.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by: @hirako5hinji​   ( aka the greatest taichō ever. uwu go to bed harder next time, Anna. ♡ ) Tagging: ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DO IT !! just steal it from me. be gay. do crimes.

[conceptsnest]

COGNITIVE FLEXIBILITY: ADAPTING TO CHANGE AS LEADERS

Now more than ever before, leaders all over the world are facing change and complexity — the coronavirus pandemic has presented us all with new challenges, new circumstances, and new uncertainties. Adaptability is a requirement. Because change is constant and inevitable, leaders must be flexible to succeed. Adaptability is about having ready access to a range of behaviours that enable leaders to shift and experiment as things change.

Successful executives:

1)      Adapt to the changing external pressures facing the organization.

2)      Adjust their management style to changing situations.

3)      Accept changes as positive.

4)      Revise plans as necessary.

5)      Consider other people’s concerns during change.

Conversely, it may also be argued that inflexible leaders limit the adaptability of others. New initiatives may be halted or stifled. Resistance to change may undermine critical projects or system-wide implementation. Employee enthusiasm, cooperation, morale, and creativity are jeopardized, making it all the more difficult to run the business or organization.

Am I a Flexible Leader?

Consider your personal approach to change. How do you respond when facing change? Do you:

1)      Accept the change as positive?

2)      See the change as an opportunity?

3)      Adapt plans as necessary?

4)      Quickly master new technology, vocabulary, operating rules?

5)      Lead the change by example?

6)      Take into account other people’s concerns?

7)      Sort out your strengths and weaknesses fairly accurately?

8)      Admit personal mistakes, learn from them, and move on?

9)      Remain optimistic?

If few or none of these responses describes you, you’re not alone. Many of us get stuck, have a hard time letting go, or simply don’t know how to proceed in unknown territory.

The 3 Types of Flexibility That Help You Adapt to Change

If you want to improve your responses to change in the future, Calarco says you need to practice the 3 components of adaptability: cognitive flexibility, emotional flexibility and dispositional flexibility.

A) Cognitive flexibility — the ability to use different thinking strategies and mental frameworks:. . . . Leaders who have cognitive flexibility are able to incorporate different thinking strategies and mental frameworks into their planning, decision-making, and management of day-to-day work. They can simultaneously hold multiple scenarios in mind and can see when to shift and inject a change. Cognitive flexibility indicates nimble, divergent thinking, an interest in developing new approaches, the ability to see and leverage new connections, and the propensity to work well across the organization. These leaders readily learn from experience and recognize when old approaches don’t work.

B) Emotional flexibility — the ability to vary one’s approach to dealing with emotions and those of others: . . . . . Leaders with emotional flexibility vary their approach to dealing with their own and others’ emotions — an area that many leaders often fail to consider. An emotionally flexible leader is comfortable with the process of transition, including grieving, complaining, and resistance. Adapting to change requires give and take between the leader and those experiencing the change. A leader without emotional flexibility is dismissive of others’ concerns and emotions and shuts down discussion. At the same time, an emotionally adaptive leader moves the change or agenda forward.

C) Dispositional flexibility — the ability to remain optimistic and, at the same time, realistic: . . . . . Leaders who display dispositional flexibility (or personality-related flexibility) operate from a place of optimism grounded in realism and openness. They will acknowledge a bad situation but simultaneously visualize a better future. They are neither blindly positive nor pessimistic and defeatist. Ambiguity is well-tolerated. Dispositionally flexible leaders see change as an opportunity rather than as a threat or danger. By learning and practicing behaviors that boost your cognitive, emotional, and dispositional flexibility, you can become more adaptable and, in turn, help others to adapt.

 Cognitive Flexibility: Meaning & Ways to develop

Cognitive flexibility refers to our ability to disengage from one task and respond to another or think about multiple concepts at the same time. Someone who is cognitively flexible will be able to learn more quickly, solve problems more creatively, and adapt and respond to new situations more effectively, which is why it’s so important in both educational settings and the workplace. Building your cognitive flexibility is a great way to develop professionally and keep up with the ever changing work environment of the future. Some ways in which this can be done are: A) Alter your everyday routine: . . . . . For instance, if you’re accustomed to taking the same route to work each day, look for a different route or consider taking the bus instead of driving yourself. If you usually get your exercise at the gym, change things up by running in the park or going for a bike ride. Even making the smallest of changes like sitting at a new spot at the dinner table or using your left hand to brush your teeth instead of your right can help you build and strengthen new neural pathways. B) Seek out new experiences: . . . . . Each time you experience something out of the ordinary or learn something new, the brain creates new synaptic connections. New and interesting experiences have also been shown to trigger the release of dopamine, which not only increases motivation but also enhances memory and learning. So going out of your way to experience new things or engage in novel activities can go a long way towards helping you develop cognitive flexibility. This might mean travelling to another country or volunteering in a new industry, but it could also take the form of activities like learning a new language or musical instrument, taking a dance class, or even exploring a part of town you’re not familiar with. C) Practice thinking creatively: . . . . . . Another way to build cognitive flexibility is to make an effort to think in unconventional and creative ways or practice divergent thinking. Divergent thinking usually occurs in a spontaneous and free-flowing manner and involves thinking in terms of unlimited possibilities rather than a limited set of choices. D) Don’t always take the easy way: . . . . . . . These days we have technology and apps that make our lives easier in countless ways, from spell check and autocorrect to GPS. But the truth is that making things easier for ourselves isn’t always the best thing for our cognitive flexibility. Research shows that introducing so-called “desirable difficulties” can lead to deeper learning, so by making a point of not always choosing the easiest way of doing things, you can keep your mind sharp and even learn through your everyday experiences. 

For instance, if you’re driving to an area you’re not familiar with, try to navigate your way using a map and asking for directions rather than using your GPS, or instead of reaching for your phone the minute you need to make a calculation, grab a pen and paper, and do it the old-fashioned way. E) Go out of your way to meet new people: . . . . . Meeting people from different cultures and walks of life whose perspectives and viewpoints are likely to differ from your own can help you to be less rigid in your way of thinking and accept that there may be more than one “right” way of looking at things. Research shows that people who are exposed to situations that challenge their ideas about what’s right and wrong tend to have greater cognitive flexibility. So make an effort to meet people outside of your normal social circles, whether that means travelling abroad, volunteering, teaching, or connecting with people through social media. F) Transfer your learning: . . . . . Learning to transfer what you’ve learned in one context into a new context can be a great exercise in cognitive flexibility, because it forces you to form new connections between previously unconnected networks of knowledge and think more creatively. Without the ability to transfer skills and knowledge to new contexts, your learning won’t have as great an impact. If you want to develop your ability to transfer knowledge, research shows that explaining a new concept in your own words not only helps you identify any incorrect assumptions, but also helps you to generalise a concept for future application. Once you’re sure you understand the concept, you can look for ways to apply it in real-world situations. G) Challenge your morals: . . . . . . Seeking out experiences that test your morals and expose you to a variety of beliefs, values, and expectations can give you a better understanding of culturally different perspectives and help you become more flexible in your thinking. Even if you don’t necessarily agree with someone’s point of view or belief system, being cognitively flexible means you’ll be able to think about why they might see things that way and understand their point of view. This ability will make it easier for you to communicate with people, resolve conflicts, and adapt your thinking to various situations. Of course, travel is one way to challenge your way of thinking, but even just reading about moral dilemmas and thinking about them critically can help you develop in this area.

Tips for Flexible Leaders

1)      Be curious. Ask lots of questions. Wonder, explore, and consider before you judge and decide.

2)      Don’t get too attached to a single plan or strategy. Have Plan B (and C) at the ready.

3)      Create support systems. Don’t go it alone. Look to mentors, friends, coaches, trusted peers, professional colleagues, family members, and others to serve as your support system in times of change. Encourage employees to do the same.

4)      Understand your own reaction to change. You have to be clear about your own emotions and thoughts about changes, so you can be straightforward with others.

5)      Immerse yourself in new environments and situations. Do this when you are confronted by change — but get practice by joining activities, meeting new people, and trying new things on a regular basis.

Content Curated By: Dr Shoury Kuttappa

[yourfutureperfect]

The Power of Workplace Consulting

What is Future Perfect Workplace Consulting?  

Workplace Consulting is a trademark Future Perfect product which is a powerful tool that provides conciliation. Future Perfect’s holistic assessment, reports and counselling programs offer highly personalized 360 degree guidance along with counselling sessions with experts to help employees to succeed in all areas of their life. These programs offer valuable insights by identifying your blind spots and help you develop and inculcate success habits.

Workplace consulting expands the efficiency and the quality of the work of employees and an organisation on the whole. It helps create agility in the working environment. With constant pressure to be the front-runner in the on-going competition, employees usually get stressed out, which in turn affects their productivity, increases absenteeism, changes in behaviours with co-workers and ultimately results in lowered efficiency as well as disturbing an individual’s professional life along with personal and social life.

Future Perfect Consultants have the right expertise, dexterity and ability to understand crucial workplace dynamics and provide the right inputs to help you navigate through them. Consulting will guide employees to achieve organisational and personal objectives by identifying strengths, weaknesses, interests, and skills. It highlights the root cause of the problems, along with the right skill sets that allows them to work accordingly while expert consulting assists employees with strategies.

 How it Helps Employees?  

● Workplace Consulting is the Organisation’s Duty to Care

 1.    Workplace consulting has a devoted mission to build success habits in the employees.   

2.    Employees of the organisation can share their problems with counsellors.

3.    Counsellors interpret the situations, eliminate the root cause of problems, and provide analysis of conflict resolution to employees.

● Workplace Consulting gives a New Perception

 1.    Consulting builds a growth mind-set by helping employees to understand the crux of the problems.

2.    Counsellors become the guardian spirit of the employees by providing insights into their personal, professional, and social life and encouraging them to achieve better.

● Workplace Consulting Increases Employees Productivity

 1.    Counsellors train employees to manage stress and enhance self-development.

2.    Counsellors give a realistic profile of employees and create self-awareness concerning behavioural patterns and critical thinking.

3.    Counsellors motivate them to improve their performance.

● Workplace Consulting Helps to Bounce Back Failures

1.    Overcoming through failures is arduous, not many can face it. Certain employees may not take criticism and failure positively. Workplace consulting helps them to accept and work harder to bounce back from their failures.

● Workplace Consulting Builds Harmony Among Co-worker

 1.    Counsellors solve the discrepancy between co-workers' values and their actions.

2.    Consulting resolves differences among employees as they administer the relationship among the employees keenly.

● Workplace Consulting Provides Potential Analysis

1.    Workplace Consulting elucidates your professional objectives which help in decision-making.

2.    Workplace Consulting gives an accurate view of employees' ability, skill sets, and talent.

3.    Workplace Consulting will discover specific things about yourself you were unaware of.

 Signs to Understand that Your Employees Need Consulting

Though organisations will consistently ensure that their employees work in a productive environment, some situations and complications are unmanageable. In such circumstances, the organisations should consider professional help. By now, you know the importance of consulting but why and when the employees need is still a question. Certain times, employees face challenges with adapting to the workplace and experience a difficult stretch in understanding the work. It is mainly because the employees are facing certain barriers or are unhappy due to one or the other reason. Here are some important signs for an organisation to realise that their employees need consulting.

 ●  Barriers to Effective Communication at the Workplace

 Employee communication can create trust and understanding with co-workers. Communication skills are the prime characteristics of any successful employee. It is veracious that poor communication will not only hamper the work quality but spoil the work environment unanimously. Realising the barriers to communication at the beginning phase and taking constructive measures to conquer it will ensure a healthy workplace environment. To traverse this hurdle, workplace consulting helps to bridge the communication gap.

 ● Tackling Unsatisfactory Work Performance of Employees

Everyone doesn’t consistently perform phenomenally. Every individual in their professional life goes through peaks and valleys. An upstanding manager will understand the root cause of the problems faced by employees, and soon realise that poor work performance is the failure of the management. Motivating and stimulating the respective employees can redeem the complications. With circumstances being carried away, professional help will play a predominant role.

● Cultural Difference

In the medium or large organisation, employees are from diverse cultural backgrounds. Certain employees have their own cultural needs like religious practices, custom needs, attires, social values, and are adamant to follow it. Cultural differences will affect the efficiency of the employees and the organisation.

 What are your views on workplace consulting? Do you believe this can add value to your organisation and help boost your efficiency and productivity thus leading to higher profitability?