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Desi Single Mums

The journey of parenthood is one of joys and tribulations, and for desi single women, it serves as a remarkable monument to their fortitude, resiliency, and dedication. These courageous women defy prejudices and demonstrate that love, care, and a caring atmosphere can be delivered by a single parent as well in a world where traditional family structures frequently carry tremendous value. We shall examine the motivational journey of Indian single mothers in this blog, focusing light on their challenges, successes, and the lessons we can all take away from them.

Desi cultures frequently have strong traditional family values that place a strong emphasis on the nuclear family as a unit. These principles are admirable, but they can also present difficulties for people who don't conform to social norms. Single mothers from desi origins experience particular social constraints, such as stigma, judgement, and cultural expectations of women's roles in the home. Despite these difficulties, desi single mothers are breaking social norms and expectations by putting their children's and their own wellbeing first.

Regardless of culture, being a single mother is never an easy journey. But desi single mothers must also manage unique cultural nuances that might make their journey much more difficult. These moms exhibit extraordinary resilience in juggling the demands of extended family members and modern parenting, as well as in striking a balance between cultural preservation and both. They serve as role models for their kids, instilling in them the importance of perseverance, adaptation, and resolve in the face of difficulty.

Any single parent must walk a tightrope while juggling job, child care, and personal development; desi single mothers add a further level of complication to this delicate balance. They frequently balance their responsibilities as carers, stay-at-home moms, and wage earners with skill. Time management, organisation, and emotional stamina are necessary skills for this multidimensional position. These ladies demonstrate an unshakeable dedication to provide their kids a secure and caring home while still fostering their own ambitions and objectives.

For desi single mothers, a new network of support has developed in recent years. These women can interact, share stories, and get guidance in a safe environment provided by online forums, support groups, and organisations. This sense of community can be quite beneficial since it gives people a forum to talk about issues unique to their cultural setting and to support one another by sharing success and growth stories.

Lesson we can learn:

Resilience Knows No Boundaries: The power of perseverance in the face of social and cultural challenges is demonstrated by Desi single moms. Their strength is shown in their commitment to giving their kids a caring and supportive home.

Dispelling Stereotypes: These women are dispelling stereotypes and paving the path for a more inclusive view of parenting and family relations by moving outside of typical family norms.

Self-Care Is Vital: Juggling several responsibilities can be exhausting, but making time for oneself is essential. Desi single mothers instill in us the need of taking care of our own needs in order to be effective parents.

Community Support Matters: The value of community is underscored by the growth of support networks for desi single moms. Together, they offer support, guidance, and a sense of community.

Cultural Adaptability: It takes flexibility to balance modern parenting with cultural preservation. Desi single mothers show us how to embrace new parenting techniques while yet preserving ethnic roots.

Desi single mothers' journey has been marked by extraordinary fortitude, tenacity, and development. They defy social conventions, motivate their kids, and serve as a constant reminder of the strength of love and willpower. As a society, we may gain insight from their experiences and give these remarkable women the support and understanding they deserve.

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Desi Children With Divorced Parents

The experiences of children with divorced parents are varied and complex in today's global society. Children of South Asian heritage, or "Desi," experience particular problems and dynamics that combine societal expectations, cultural norms, and personal development.

Family values, unity, and social standing are highly valued in traditional Desi culture. These societies may stigmatise divorce, making children whose parents have divorced feel ashamed or guilty. In some cases, children may experience pressure to uphold appearances and safeguard their family's reputation at the price of their mental wellbeing.

Children of divorced Desi parents frequently find themselves straddling two worlds as they grow up in a multicultural setting. When their parents' divorce highlights disparate cultural beliefs and values, they could struggle with doubts about their cultural identity. As they try to balance their Desi history with the shifting dynamics at home, navigating this area can leave them feeling lost and alone.

A distinct set of difficulties can arise from the conflict between conventional values and contemporary viewpoints. While some Desi parents may uphold traditional gender roles and expectations, a divorce can cause a change in these relationships, leading kids to reevaluate or question their perceptions of the duties and obligations of family life.

Children's perspectives on commitment and love relationships may be impacted by divorce. They might approach their own relationships with caution or scepticism after seeing their parents' divorce, raising concerns about the permanence of love and marriage. On the other hand, some kids utilise their parents' struggles as motivation to place a high value on honest communication and emotional well-being in their own relationships.

Despite the difficulties, children of divorced Desi parents can exhibit great flexibility and endurance. At a young age, they learn to manage complicated emotions, cultivate empathy, and master problem-solving techniques. These characteristics can be translated into powerful life skills that will benefit them as they develop into adults.

As Desi communities continue to evolve, the support available for children of divorced parents is also expanding. Organizations, online forums, and events centered around this topic provide a space for individuals to share their stories, seek advice, and connect with others who understand their unique experiences.

Within Desi communities, there has been a growing effort in recent years to break the taboo around divorce. People are displacing antiquated traditions and building a more understanding society by openly discussing the difficulties and problems faced by children of divorced parents.

Children of divorced Desi parents go through a complicated journey of hardships, growth chances, and complexities. These people are defining their identities, managing the tension between tradition and modernity, and advancing their communities. These kids are getting the assistance they need to choose their own pathways and change the narrative for future generations as divorce discussions become more open and tolerant.

If you have a story you wish to share about being a child of divorced parent or if you are divorced and have children, please contact me on please contact me at desifirstwivesclub@gmail.com, thedesifirstwivesclub@hotmail.com IG: desifirstwivesclub

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Dealing with abuse as a Desi First Wife

The abuse that Desi First Wives endures comes in all forms, and the list that follows is not all-inclusive.  

Physical abuse.

Domestic violence or abuse.

Sexual abuse.

Psychological or emotional abuse.

Financial or material abuse.

Modern slavery.

Discriminatory abuse.

Organisational or institutional abuse.

Coercive control.

Forced marriage. 

Abuse of Desi First Wives can take many different forms, and it frequently leaves its victims' sense of self and overall health scarred for life.

Emotional Abuse:

A pattern of actions known as emotional abuse is used to undermine a person's sense of self-worth and emotional health. Emotional strategies used in the context of female abuse may include continual criticism, belittling, humiliation, manipulation, and gaslighting. These strategies are meant to undermine a woman's self-confidence, leaving

These strategies are meant to undermine a woman's self-assurance and make her feel confined, alone, and helpless.

Mental Abuse:

Psychological damage brought on by mental abuse frequently results in lifelong emotional suffering. Abuse of this kind may take the form of excessive control, seclusion, threats, or intimidation. A woman may experience a sense of helplessness and inability to make autonomous judgements as a result of the perpetrators' use of techniques to engender fear, anxiety, and dependency.

Financial Abuse:

Controlling or taking advantage of a woman's financial resources is known as financial abuse. The perpetrators may limit access to funds, keep tabs on expenditures, obstruct job possibilities, or rack up debt in the victim's name.

Women who experience financial abuse become dependent on others and lose their independence. making things challenging for them

Women who experience financial abuse become dependent on others and lose their independence, making it difficult for them to leave abusive circumstances.

To assist those who could be facing female abuse, it is imperative to recognise its symptoms. Constant criticism, social exclusion, unexplained behavioural changes, low self-esteem, worry, and unexpected financial hardships are a few of these warning symptoms.

To offer the required support and intervention, it is crucial to comprehend the dynamics of abuse.

To escape abuse, one needs encouragement and empowerment. It is critical to establish safe spaces where women can speak openly about their experiences without worrying about criticism or reprisals. Women can find the strength to identify the abuse, ask for assistance, and improve their well-being and independence by creating a supportive atmosphere.

Desi First Wives abuse,  whether it is physical, psychological, or financial, has a significant and long-lasting impact on victims' life. It is crucial to increase awareness, end the silence, and assist people who have been abused. We can enable women to escape toxic relationships and build a world free from abuse by promoting a culture that values empathy, respect, and gender equality. Together, we can fight against female exploitation and advance a culture that upholds the dignity, security, and wellbeing of all women.

If you would like to share your in-laws stories please email me at desifirstwivesclub@gmail.com or DM me at IG:desifirstwivesclub

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What will the neighbours say?

What the neighbours will think is a pervasive cultural phenomena that has the capacity to affect our decisions, deeds, and even our pleasure.  This mentality places a great deal of value on societal evaluation and approval, frequently at the expense of our uniqueness and genuine self-expression. What will the neighbours say is heard in every single Desi household.  There cannot possibly be a single Desi who has never heard these words said in a Desi home.  These five words damage far too many lives, yet some Desis still worry about what their neighbours will think and say. 

An enormous burden can be placed on people by their dread of being judged by their neighbours and society. It can restrict our options, compel conformity, and prevent us from pursuing our goals and objectives. the urge to follow Desi expectations can hinder our ability to embrace our actual selves which can lead to poor mental health and resentment.

Many societies place a strong emphasis on social cohesion and uniformity in their cultural ideas and ideals. These ideals frequently place society demands ahead of personal enjoyment and might exacerbate the concern over neighbourly criticism. Self-awareness and a deliberate attempt to question and reinterpret these beliefs are prerequisites for escaping from this cultural brainwashing.

Our capacity to express ourselves honestly is stifled by living under the continual pressure of "What will the neighbours say?"

When we put external approval before personal fulfilment, it becomes challenging to embrace our genuine selves, interests, and goals. True happiness and personal development depend on accepting and valuing who we truly are.

It is essential to consider the reliability and significance of society judgement. When their opinions are unimportant or of little weight, we frequently make up stories in our heads about what they could believe. We can be freed from the dread of criticism by changing our perspective and concentrating on our own ideals and objectives.

It is crucial to surround ourselves with people who value and support our uniqueness. Even in the face of potential social criticism, creating strong networks of like-minded friends, mentors, or support groups can provide us the affirmation and self-assurance we need to pursue our objectives.

The worry of what our neighbours may think can prevent us from living the life we want. It takes reflection, self-acceptance, and the willingness to defy social standards to overcome this phobia.  We can emerge from the shadows of society judgement and embrace lives that are true to ourselves by embracing our authenticity, redefining success on our terms, and surrounding ourselves with supportive networks. Always keep in mind that other people's perceptions should never be able to dictate who we are or what we can achieve. Being Desi means being strong and going in to the world with pride and achieving our goals, we are not so weak as to cower to what the neighbours will say, we were made of stronger stuff then that.

If you have a story about not being able to be your authentic self due to what the neighbour will say or if you have ever said those words in your own household. Please email me at desifirstwivesclub@gmail.com or thedesifirstwivesclub@hotmail.com.

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Red Flags

In our pursuit of meaningful connections, it's essential to be aware of the red flags that may arise in our relationships. These red flags can protect us from potential injury, pain, and disappointment. We may foster healthier relationships and safeguard our mental wellbeing by being familiar with typical red flags and understanding their significance.

Look for patterns rather than isolated incidents. Is the concerning behaviour a one-time occurrence or a recurring theme? Consistency can indicate deeper-rooted issues.

Consider how frequently the warning signs behave. Is it a recurring or infrequent aspect of the relationship? Red flags that appear frequently could be signs of major problems.

Consider how the red flag behaviour impacts your physical, mental, and emotional well-being. Do you frequently feel worn out, wounded, or disrespected? It's important to think about how it will affect your wellbeing.

Pay attention to how the person respects your boundaries. Do they continually push you past your comfort zone or do they ignore your limits?

Healthy partnerships should be respectful and honour each person's boundaries.

Pay attention to how the person interacts with you. Do they actively listen to you, acknowledge your feelings, and have frank conversations with you? Dismissiveness or poor communication might impede the development of a healthy relationship.

Consider the levels of trust and honesty that are present. Do people consistently tell lies, keep secrets, or act in a transparent manner? Any relationship is built on trust, and betrayals can make it weaker.

Consider how the person interacts with you and other people. Do they respect your autonomy, feelings, and opinions? Be alert for indications of disdain, mockery, or attempts to exert control over your behaviour.

Trust your intuition while making decisions. Take something seriously if it seems off or makes you feel uneasy. Often, your gut instinct will let you know about potential red flags before they become more obvious.

Knowing the warning signs that can appear in relationships gives us the power to make wise choices and safeguard our mental wellbeing. Remember that your happiness and self-respect should never be sacrificed; trust your intuition; set up healthy boundaries; and so on.  You may create a satisfying relationship built on trust, respect, and sincere concern by spotting and addressing red signals early on.

If you wish to share your red flag stories please email me at desifirstwivesclub@gmail.com or thedesifirstwivesclub@hotmail.com

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Living With Abusive Desi In-Laws

Living with your in-laws is the Punjabi way, not so much these days but back in the day we were taught that once we were married we would move into our marital homes with our husband’s family. We have all heard the stories of abusive in-laws, but we never expected it to happen to us.  Most of us never realised how living with abusive in-laws could be so challenging and emotionally distressing. 

Living with abusive in-laws can cause severe psychological and emotional pain.  One's sense of self-worth and self-esteem can be damaged by persistent criticism, belittling, manipulation, and humiliation.  Anxiety, despair, and a persistent feeling of fear and tension can develop because of the toxic environment that abusive in-laws create. Abusive in-laws frequently exercise control over their daughters-in-law's personal choices, financial decisions, and personal decisions affecting the grandkids.  Desi daughters-in-law must accept their in-laws' preferences for their own children.

Abusive-in-laws frequently damage the bond between a spouse and their partner.  They might try to stoke discord, plant doubt, and manipulate events to obtain control over their son and the marriage, which would put strain on it and possibly cause it to dissolve.  Further rifts and strife inside the marriage may result from the persistent pressure from in-laws to conform to their expectations and the lack of support from their husbands can cause further rifts and turmoil within the marriage.

There are frequently high expectations placed on the daughter-in-law to uphold close relationships to her husband's family and to treat their elders with the highest respect.  Because of this relationship, it may be especially harder for people to speak out against abusive in-laws due to concerns about social stigma and being urged to "get over it," since it happens to all desi wives  This judgement keeps the cycle of abuse going and makes it harder for the daughter-in-law to seek help.

Living with abusive in-laws has a negative impact on one's physical and emotional health.  Sleep problems, eating disorders, and other bodily ails might result from the ongoing tension, anxiety, and terror.  Long-term mental health problems including post-traumatic stress disorder and chronic depression can result from repeated exposure to abuse.

The problems that Indian daughters-in-law encounter when residing with their in-laws must be discussed; we can no longer ignore the problems or remain silent about the abuse.  We may take a step towards a culture where the well and safety of desi daughter-laws are always guaranteed by encouraging discourse and offering resources.

If you have a story you wish to share (anonymously if you prefer) , you can email me at thedesifirstwivesclub@gmail.com.  

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Ghosting

Ghosting is a common dating phenomenon where one person suddenly stops communicating with the other person without any explanation.  It can be hurtful and confusing, and it is important to understand why people ghost and how to deal with it.

There are many reasons why someone might ghost.  They might be afraid of confrontation or conflict, they might have lost interest in the relationship, or they might have found someone else.  Whatever the reason, it is important to remember that ghosting is a reflection on the other person and not on you.

If you have been ghosted, it is important to take care of yourself.  Allow yourself to feel your emotions, but do not dwell on them for too long.  It is also important to resist the urge to contact the person who ghosted you. While it can be tempting to try and get closure or an explanation, reaching out to them will likely only lead to more confusion and hurt.  Instead, focus on moving forward and take some time to reflect on what you want from a relationship and what you are looking for in a partner.  Remember there are plenty of people out there who are looking for the same things you are.

In conclusion, ghosting is a common dating phenomenon, and it is not a reflection on you.  Take care of yourself and resist the urge to contact the person who ghosted you and focus on moving forward.  With time, you will find the right person who will treat you with the kindness and respect you deserve.

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Dating After Divorce

Dating after a Divorce can be a challenging and emotional experience.  After going through the process of ending a marriage, it can be difficult to imagine opening yourself to the possibility of a new relationship. However, with time, patience,  and self-reflection, it is possible to find love again.

The first step to successfully dating after Divorce is to take time to heal.  It is important to give yourself the space and time to process the end of your marriage and any emotions that come with it.  This can be a  difficult process, but it is important to take the time you need to fully heal before jumping into a new relationship.

Once you feel ready to start dating again, it is important to reflect on what you want in a relationship and partner.  Take some time to really think about what qualities are important to you in a partner, what your deal-breakers are, and what kind of relationship you want to have.  This will help you be more intentional when you start dating again and will help you avoid getting involved with someone who is not a good fit for you.

When you are ready to start dating again, be open and honest with potential partners about your past and what you are looking for. It can be tempting to try and hide your Divorce or downplay its importance, but being upfront about your past can help you build trust and avoid any misunderstandings down the line.

It is also important to take things slow when you start dating again.  Don’t rush into a new relationship or put pressure on yourself to find someone right away.  Take the time to get to know someone before committing to a serious relationship.  

Finally, remember that it is ok to be single.  You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy and fulfilled. Take the time to focus on yourself and your own happiness, and the relationship will come along when you are ready for it.

In conclusion, dating after a Divorce can be a difficult and emotional experience, but it is possible to find love again.  Take the time to heal, reflect on what you want in a partner and relationship, be open and honest with potential partners, take things slow, and remember that it is ok to be single.  With time, patience and self-reflection, you can find the right relationship for you.

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A Desi Wife

What does it mean to be a desi wife?   

When I asked my family and friends what being a wife meant to them, they all said the same thing, essentially, they all felt their marriage did not feel like a partnership, but it felt like ownership.  I could relate, except the things they owned were treated better than I was.  Maybe I should have identified as a car or cash, they’d love me then.  They also felt that everything fell onto their shoulders, the household chores, looking after the kids, parents-brother-sister-nieces-nephews- in-law. In fact, they were responsible for the kingdom of which they would never be the Queen and they would never hold the keys. 

Desi wives do not have the luxury of keeping a portion of our lives to ourselves because we are owned by everyone.  Let's face it, the only luxury we have is that the in-laws have provided a roof over our heads, so we had better damn well be appreciative of them for that.  My English friend once told me that she had "me" time every Friday night, which included a bubble bath, a glass of wine, and a good book.   

Now, that is the kind of luxury I would have cherished, but if my in-laws had caught me enjoying a drink, they would have dragged me from the house while grabbing at my short hair, which they consider to be haram and now I realise they probably wanted it long so it would be easier to grab, haha.  Well, in any case, I've never had that luxury in my married life, and after talking to my relatives and friends, I discovered that the only people who did were those who didn't live with their spouses' in-laws.    

Now I am no longer a desi wife I can come and go as I please, I can have my wine and bubble baths and it may not cost much but it is a luxury a desi wife may not be able to afford.  

If you would want to share your experience as a desi wife, please email me at desifirstwivesclub@gmail.com. (Anonymously if you prefer) Keep in mind that your story might serve as someone else's survival manual.   

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