#it was actually pretty hard to come up with some of these because i want it to feel organic and not forced

[duskbornraven]

Veteran, Doctor, Wedding Date

Never in my life have I finished a sex scene in writing. This fandom has broken me. There is a second part in the works for the actual wedding, because I am weak willed when it comes to him.

Paring: Jack Abbot x f!Reader

Warnings: mdni, sex with plot, female reader, Oral (m receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, general teasing, implied age gap.

Summary: Weddings take up a lot of time, especially when you're dating the best man.

Word Count: 4k

It had been too many years since Jack had been to a wedding. Let alone asked to be in a wedding party, but when one of your best friends asks you to be his best man you can’t really say no. Even harder when said friend oh so politely reminded him that he could bring his cute new girlfriend. 

So here he was, sitting on the couch waiting for you to get home. The TV was on but he wasn’t really watching it. Anticipation weighed on him. He knew first hand that people got weird about weddings. There was an unspoken weight around them, and he hadn’t asked anyone to be his date to anything in what felt like an eternity. 

He still managed to fall asleep on the couch, and was startled awake when he heard the familiar click of the lock. Snapping his head up to a dimly lit living room, bathed in the flickering light of the TV. Pushing himself more upright, the fog of sleep still fighting to pull him back under. 

With a groan he scrubbed his face, forcing himself to wake up, so you could have this conversation. Watching you kick your shoes off, braced against the door to avoid overbalancing. “Did you make it upstairs at all?” You were still facing away from him but he could hear the smile in your voice. 

“I did, thank you.” His mock indignation getting a laugh from you, making your way over to throw yourself down on the opposite end of the couch, stretching out with a continent sigh. 

“What’s on your mind?” You tapped his leg with a toe, leaning up to get a better look at him. “You’re burning a hole in the wall.” 

“I was asked to be in a wedding later this year.” Jack turned himself on the couch to face you “And, I was wondering if you would be my date.” 

He knew the answer before you even opened your mouth to speak. Your eyes lit up as you pushed yourself the rest of the way into a sitting position. The way you beamed at him, practically glowing in the low light of the room. “Of course I will.” Your excitement was hardly concealed. 

You leaned forward kneeling on the couch, braced on his shoulder, to peck him on the cheek before leaning in for a lingering kiss. His head tilted back slightly to meet your lips. A hand wrapped reassuringly around your arm to keep you balanced, the other coming to rest on your hip. 

You pulled away, looking down into his eyes, unable to keep the smile from your face. Watching his face soften as he took you in again. A grin slowly spreading over his own tired features. Letting you settle back on the couch beside him. An arm draped over the back of the couch, fingertips just brushing against your shoulder. 

“Didn’t really have a plan if you said no. Considering my backup date would have been the groom.” You pushed him away lightly, moving yourself more than him with a scoff. 

“Do you know when it is yet?” You chose to ignore his comment. ‘I’ll make sure to get some time off from work.” 

“Not yet, he’s supposed to be getting a hold of me about that since it’s going to be a scheduling nightmare. I don’t know how they’re going to get by without us for a night.” His hand left the couch to run through his hair absently. 

“Do you maybe want to finish this conversation after you get a nap in old man?” You pressed a kiss to his temple ignoring the look he shot you. 

“You know I do a pretty decent job keeping up with you last time I checked.” It was hard to read his expression in the low lighting but you could catch the way his head tilted almost like a challenge. The faintest hint of a smirk still plastered to his face. 

“You do. But have you considered I’m using you as an excuse to take a nap and get some quiet time with my boyfriend for once?” You challenged him back, trying your best to keep a straight face. 

Wordlessly he hauled himself up. Then turned to offer you a hand, helping you to your feet. Once you were upstairs it didn’t take long for you to drift off, an alarm set for an hour in the future. More importantly, Jack’s arm wrapped securely around you and the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath you. 

Months passed quietly, comfortably between the night he asked you to come with him. He had steadily been pulled more and more into the planning and preparation. Which meant less sleep and less time with you. 

Jack still made the effort, still made sure he caught you to kiss you goodbye and was home to kiss you before work if he had to be out. But between your work schedules and the approaching wedding date you hadn’t had time for much outside a quick kiss here or there. 

And it was starting to get the better of both of you. 

When the time came to actually go get fitted for a suit he found you waiting for him in the bedroom, laying on the bed still only in a stolen shirt that had once been his, watching him emerge from the bathroom. He stalled in the doorway taking you in, laying on your back, your bare legs bent to let your feet plant on the bed. 

 “Don't you tempt me, I can’t be late to this one.” With effort he managed to pull his focus to getting dressed, aware you were watching as he zipped up his jeans. 

“I wasn’t trying to.” But he saw the way your eyes also lingered, dragging themselves over his half naked body. 

“And hypothetically if you were, I’d make it up to you tonight.” He leaned over you pressing a kiss to your lips. Melting into your touch as your hands skated over the planes of his chest before looping around the back of his neck, letting you pull him in closer, his weight pressing you further into the bed. Your hand tangled in his hair as the kiss deepened. Weeks of want and frustration just below the surface as the heat between you. 

Shattered by the ringing of his phone from the bathroom. 

Pulling away his head hit the mattress, breathing heavily against your neck, pressing a trail kisses along your jaw before slowly pushing himself upright. Reluctantly you let him push away from you, almost aching as the warmth of his body left yours. Not missing the way he adjusted the growing bulge in his jeans before hearing his frustrated voice from the other room. “Yeah, be down in a minute.” 

You sat up on the bed watching him as he pulled a shirt over his head, glancing over at you still watching him. “Not trying to be tempting?” 

“Maybe a little.” You didn’t quite meet his eyes. 

“Then I’ll have to see if I can’t return the favor when I get home.” He leaned down again, capturing you in another searing kiss that was unfairly short lived. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” 

You listened to the front door slam behind him. Still perched on the edge of the bed listening to the sound of wheels on pavement. It had been too long since the pair of you had been home for more than a few minutes, even on his days off it felt like he was helping with something these days. 

Which was fine most of the time, but you missed him, missed finding him asleep on the couch when you got home from work. Or getting to sleep in with him on your days off, the weight of him on top of you. The way you would find yourself casually reaching out to touch him when you spread out on the couch together. 

You forced yourself to get up and move, heading for the shower to at least make an effort to start the day. By the time you had made yourself a meal there was an unopened message from Jack. A mirror photo of him, half changed into formal wear. Pants unzipped and shirt unbuttoned, his face was mostly covered by the phone itself but you could see the hint of a smirk playing across his features. 

You stood there, frozen for what felt like an eternity starting at it. You finally backed out to and were about to type out something when another photo started to load in. Now fully dressed, with his arm around a groomsman, like wasn’t sending you thirst traps from the dressing room. You debated not giving him the satisfaction but you were pretty sure he knew it had worked.

You reacted to the messages and asked how it was going. Saving some of your decency hopefully by not openly showing he had gotten under your skin. It took a few minutes for him to reply. 

Good. Getting dinner and drinks after this but I’ll be home right after. 

You started to type back a reply, scrolling back to the first photo, the too pleased expression on his hardly visible face. The fact that you almost had him before he left replaying in your head. It was hard enough making the time with your schedules and now he was so busy. And this man had the audacity to tease you like that. 

If he wanted to play that game you could play that game. Phone in hand you scrambled back up the steps, an excited fluttering in your gut. There was one thing that would give you the unfair advantage, the shirt you had to stop stealing. After you had moved in you had been granted access to his old shirts. Jack insisted that he didn’t care what you stole, as long as he got it back. 

But he did, he just hadn’t known it. You had dug out one of his old shirts from the army. Had picked it because of its age, it felt like a piece of him when you missed him. That morning you woke up with your alarms as usual, rolling out of bed before the sun. Half awake you had stumbled your way downstairs to make coffee as the front door swung open, the familiar sound of shoes on the hardwood letting you know Jack had made it home. 

A moment later the footsteps stopped, freezing in the doorway to the kitchen behind you. The feeling of being watched buzzed in the back of your head, prompting you to turn. There he had stood, frozen, eyes focused solely on you. Suddenly feeling very naked you had turned to face him. 

You had been late for work that morning, and every other morning you had mistakenly decided to wear that particular shirt to bed. As exhausted as he was when he came home he always seemed to find the energy those mornings. It had become a pattern, so much so that you had given up wearing it, almost forgotten it existed. Until now. 

It took some digging to find. Buried under newer clothes, newer memories but where you had expected to find it. Embarrassingly enough the sight of the shirt alone was enough to make you feel warm. Memories associated with the way the fabric felt bunched in your hands resurfacing. 

You looked around like someone would catch you undressing in your own home before changing into it. Like the man who once wore it it had softened slightly with age, still sturdy but not as stiff as it had once been. It felt like an extension of Jack, a piece of his past made tangible. Maybe that’s why you had always loved it. 

You kicked your shorts off for good measure before positioning yourself in the mirror. The fabric covered just enough to make a point, the tiniest hint of bare skin showing in the reflection. 

Filtering through the photos until you landed on one that was perfect. Mimicking his own smug expression, phone held to the side, making sure to capture your back in the mirror. Completely innocent on a first glance, if anyone other than Jack saw you it would seem like a sweet picture from his girl. 

You hit send and retrieved the shorts, slipping them back on. Your phone dinged twice in short succession before you even had them all the way back on. 

That’s evil. 

I’m coming home. 

You had him, but you knew that before you even sent the picture. The second the idea popped into your head you won this little battle of wills. You wanted him home, but not at the cost of something important. Something he might regret missing. 

Stay, be with your friends. I’ll see you tonight. 

Fine. But you’re not changing. Be home as soon as we’re done. 

Battle won you settled yourself on the couch, determined to distract yourself, to make the time move faster while you waited. 

Say one thing for Jack Abbot, he’s a man of his word. He got dropped off around eight, a few drinks in and had practically pushed his ride into the truck when they got to the parking lot. The flush of liquor warming him in the cool night air as he made his way inside. 

You had been on his mind since he left, the weeks of pent up frustration slowly building to this moment. It took no time to spot you in your usual spot on the couch, half focusing on a movie, half looking at something on your phone. He settled heavily onto his spot on the couch, watching but not watching the TV. Far too aware that you were slowly sliding yourself closer to him.

“How was your night?” You spoke first, glancing up from your phone, finally making contact with his leg at the other end of the couch. 

“Good, I'm ready to have my weekends back.” He glanced over at you, a hand resting on your shin, the pad of his thumb rubbing circles into the exposed skin. 

You hummed in agreement, going back to your phone. Pretending that you weren’t aware of the way his eyes were watching you. Ignoring the slow press of his body against yours until he was pressed into your side one arm pinned beneath his weight. A hand skating over the fabric of the stolen shirt. 

Holding himself over you, meeting you in a slow, desperate kiss. Groaning into your mouth when you pulled him in closer, beer still lingering on his tongue. 

He pulled away to press kisses along your jaw, just catching the whispered “missed you” that escaped you with a heavy sigh. 

He stilled above you for a moment, pausing before he spoke, whispering against your jaw “How much?” 

You squirmed under him watching a hand slowly slide up your leg, brushing at the hem of your shorts. When you didn’t answer right away he spoke again. “Because I know how much I’ve missed you.” The faintest scratch of teeth along the shell of your ear. “Missed this.” 

Heat radiating from your skin against his touch, fingers dipping breath the fabric of your shorts and inching along the soft skin of your thighs. Mouth claiming the sensitive skin just over your pulse. You could feel a twitch of a smile against your neck when a moan escaped your lips. 

His free hand abandoning your thigh to instead slide beneath your shirt, thumb teasing the elastic of your bra, leaning away to watch your expression. To take in the way your breathing caught as his hand pressed into your soft skin, savoring the way you felt against him.

“I’m going to need you to work with me.” And his arm was around your shoulders, pulling you against him, rolling himself under you. With you helping he was able to mostly pull you solidly on top of him, if not a little awkwardly. 

“Better.” He sighed, adjusting himself slightly beneath you. Hands wrapping around you to capture you in another kiss, more desperate than the last. His hand tangling in your hair bucking up against you chasing the fleeting friction against you. 

The groan you got in response to your own desperate grind against him sent a jolt of arousal through your body, adding to the pooling heat between your legs. Your desperate movements doing nothing to relieve the ache, if anything it made your movements more desperate against him. 

Jack clearly felt the same way, hands pushing down your shorts, thumbs hooking deftly in the elastic of your panties, sliding them both down your thighs, supporting you as you kicked them off entirely. Your hands travel down, fumbling with his belt for a second before managing to undo his jeans and helping him tugg them off. 

He didn’t miss the way your eyes lingered on the damp patch of cloth staining his boxers. Watched as his cock twitched under your gaze. Hands pull you forwards again, pressing his clothed erection against your own soaked cunt. Still not enough but his deliberate grind pulled a broken moan from you, head falling forwards into the crook of his neck. Mindlessly chasing the sensation, grinding down against him. 

“Someone’s eager.” His voice thick with need as he bucked against you again. Dragging that fucking shirt over your head, nipping at the exposed skin he could reach. 

It was nowhere near enough, the drag of cloth doing little to ease the ache. Pulling away to be able to practically tear away the last of the fabric separating you. Swallowing thickly at the sight of him, settling back between his thighs. 

Keeping eye contact as you leaned in, licking a hot stripe from base to tip. That earned you an exhale that was dangerously close to a growl. Jack’s eyes didn’t leave yours, pupils totally blown as he watched you take his tip slowly in your mouth. Watched you even as your eyes fluttered shut, slowly inching your way down his length. With all the restraint in the world he kept his hips still when he felt the brush of the back of your throat. 

A hand brushing hair out of your face, settling at the back of your head, letting you feel the faint scrape of nails against your scalp with the swirl of your tongue and you began move, setting a pace just restrained enough to not be a tease, but not nearly enough to get him to break. Swallowing thickly around him, losing yourself in the weight of him, the increasingly desperate noises coming from above you. 

Pulling away enough to meet his eyes “Who’s eager now?” Pressing a kiss to his tip before taking him to the base again. Settling into the same steady rhythm, watching him come undone under you. 

“So fucking pretty. Can’t help it” It came out raw, almost unrecognizable as his voice. Still watching, eyes locked on the way your lips parted around his cock. Watching as you squirmed into the fabric beneath you, trying desperately to find your own relief. 

A tug from the hand still half tangled in your hair got you to pull away with an obscene pop, slightly breathless and lips swollen. Becking you forward again, sliding backwards to sit more upright against the arm of the couch. 

Those familiar hands guided you down, firm hands pressing your hips against him. Not letting you take him yet, a slow teasing thrill running through you again as he dragged between your folds. Letting up to let you set the pace, hips pressed to yours, matching your pace as you finally were able to chase away your own desperate need. 

The frim press of a thumb against your clit made you almost come undone. Hips stuttering against his as preassue built at your core, back arching arching. His other hand skating up your back, skilled hands unclasping your bra in one fluid motion, another piece of clothing discarded somewhere in the dark room. 

It was like you were being consumed by flame, burning hands teasing hardened nippels, rolling them lightly between practiced fingers. Another circling your clit, helping you come undone grinding against his leaking cock. Your breathy moans echoed in desperate shaky breaths beneath you. You were barely holding on, hips jerking erratically against his. 

“Let go.” That was all that it took. His voice was raw and quiet, strained with need. 

The building crescendo of tension snapped, stilling against him,hands braced against his chest as pleasure wracked your body, fluttering against him as you came, his name spilling from your lips like a prayer. Slumping forward, breathing hard. Your breath is almost too warm against the sweat collecting on your bodies. 

Jack kissed you again, slow, tender, letting the tremors run their course against him. Completely still beneath you. Cupping your face and grounding you again as you came down from the high or your orgasam. 

Pulling away, a thin line of saliva still connecting you briefly he adjusted beneath you again. He rolled against you again, a moan falling from your lips. Pushing against his chest you were disappointed to still find the cloth of his shirt, damp with sweat and very much in the way of wandering hands. 

Your hand slid under the hem, sliding it up. Reaching back with the other to stroke him before taking a breath and sinking down onto him. Jack’s head falling back exhaling through his teeth as fluttering walls gripped him, pulling him in. “fuck”

You clenched around him when your hips met. Hangs tightening their grip on your hips grinding into you. Hungry eyes glued to where you met, watching as you started to move, lifting yourself to ride him. 

You knew he wasn’t far from his own release. What little composure he had held onto was already cracking, his hips jerking erratically against yours. Already sensitive and moving at your own reckless pace once you adjusted, nails biting into skin. His thumb returning to circle your already over sensitive clit. Fatigue battling pleasure as heat sparked through you once again.  

A pathetic whine escaped your mouth, bracing against his shoulder, almost frenzied in your movements as pleasure wound tight once more. The room falling silent other than the sound of your labored breathing. Focusing solely on chasing senestion, watching the man beneath you coming undone, jaw clenched and breathing hard as you rode him.

Your second orgasm ripped through you. Your walls spasming around him slumping forwards bonelessly onto his chest. Arms circled you, hips snapping against yours, breathing ragged in your ear. 

A your name tumbling from his lips his hips stuttered against yours, finishing inside you, leaving you feeling impossibly full. You stayed like that for a minute, both breathing heavily. Still riding the high of your climax. 

“Shower?” You offered, pressing a slightly breathless kiss to his forehead. He nodded wordlessly, reaching past you to offer you your discarded clothes and helping you get off him without making a mess of the fabric below you. 

Waking the next morning you felt heavier than you had the past few nights. Blinking slowly you realized that you were pinned, your legs tangled with Jack’s, his arm thrown over your shoulders. The weight of him was almost alien the past week. Extra heat tangled around you along with the sheets. 

Moving slowly you tried to extricate yourself, tossing and tuning would likely wake him and you were awake enough. You managed to free your legs from the sheet and were slowly pulling out from under him when the arm around you flexed, pulling you closer. 

“Stay.” He murmured, arms tightening around you, shifting to press a kiss to your temple. “Just a little longer.” 

You let him pull you into him, the warmth of his chest at your back, the steady pulse of his heart against your skin. The comforting scent of him filling your lungs with each breath. It was hard to resist letting your world become Jack Abbot for just a little longer. 

[wendichester]

hiiiii! I think it would be really cool if you wrote a Dean x reader inspired by lay all your love on me by abba, like she was always chill but she just started dating Dean and yk what deans like, a flirt, so she gets jealous or something?

-💌

⋆˚꩜｡ don't go wasting your emotion,

summary. everything's going smooth between you and dean. that is--of course--til the moment he starts flirting with some blonde waitress right in front of you. oh, honey... he's got it wrong.

pairing. dean winchester x reader genre. tense n' steamy

wordcount. 649

notes / warnings.oh, the hardship that is dating someone like dean winchester sigh // jealousy, reader getting possessive, strong language, suggestive dialogue, heated tension.

You were fine.

Totally fine.

Until you weren’t.

Because watching Dean Winchester lay that crooked smile on a blonde waitress for just a little too long? Laughing too loud, leaning in too close, letting her write her number on the damn receipt?

Yeah. That cracked something open.

You’re quiet all the way back to the bunker. Arms crossed. Eyes on the window. Dean doesn’t seem to notice—or maybe he’s just pretending not to.

Figures.

He throws the Impala in park like nothing happened, tapping the steering wheel with that usual cocky rhythm. “That was a pretty decent burger, huh?”

You don’t answer.

He glances over. “Okay. What’s up?”

You swing the car door open without a word and stalk inside.

“Hey,” he calls after you. “What the hell?”

The door slams. He follows you into the war room, boots heavy on the concrete floor.

“Alright, you gonna give me the silent treatment now?”

You whip around so fast it makes his brows jump.

“Oh, now you want to talk?” Your voice is low, sharp. “Should’ve waited till your waitress girlfriend left her shift.”

Dean’s head tilts. “Waitress… what?”

You scoff. “You’re unbelievable, Dean.”

He blinks. “What the hell did I do?”

“She gave you her number,” you snap, arms crossed, heartbeat in your throat. “And you let her. Smiled at her like she was the highlight of your night.”

His jaw clenches. “Jesus. Are you jealous?”

You hate how the word makes your cheeks burn. Hate that he says it like it’s funny.

“No,” you lie, obviously. “I’m pissed. There’s a difference.”

“Oh, come on.” He throws his hands up. “I was being nice.”

“Nice?” You take a step forward, voice rising. “I’ve seen you be nice. That wasn’t nice. That was full-on flirting.”

“She wrote her number, not me asking for it!”

“But you didn’t throw it away.”

He’s silent. For a beat too long.

You laugh bitterly. “God, I was stupid. Thought maybe this—whatever this is between us—was different for you.”

Dean’s eyes flash.

“It is different,” he says, stepping closer. “You think I take just anyone home? Let just anyone sleep in my bed?”

“Well, I don’t know, Dean,” you shoot back. “You sure act like I’m just another girl in a bar.”

He’s in front of you now. Chest rising. Jaw tight.

“You’re not,” he growls.

You hold your ground.

“Then act like it.”

He grabs your wrist—gentle but firm—and backs you up until your spine hits the wall.

“I flirt,” he says, voice low, “because it’s easier than feeling like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like I might actually lose my damn mind if you ever walk away.”

You stop breathing.

“I’ve never had something this real,” he says. “So yeah, I flirt. It’s habit. But you—” he swallows hard, eyes flicking between yours “—you’re not just another girl. You’re the one I don’t want anyone else looking at. Touching. Thinking about.”

Your fingers tighten in his jacket.

“Then maybe you should remember that next time some blonde bats her lashes.”

He huffs a breath—half growl, half groan—and crashes his mouth to yours.

It’s hot and angry and needy. All tongue and teeth and months of tension snapping like a rubber band. He fists your hair. You bite his lip. He presses you hard into the wall like he’s trying to melt into your skin.

Your legs hitch around his waist before you even realize what you’re doing.

“You wanna know something?” he mutters against your mouth. “You losing your shit over me? Hottest thing I’ve ever seen.”

You tug his hair, making him hiss. “Don’t get cocky.”

“I’m already cocky,” he smirks. “But right now, I’m yours.”

You look him dead in the eye, panting.

“Good,” you whisper. “Lay all your love on me, Winchester.”

And he does.

Hard.

Fast.

Devoted.

Because Dean might flirt with the world—but every inch of him belongs to you.

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[quantum1mmortality]

General sfw/nsfw hcs for Jacob and Edward<3

Never hold me to a promise when it comes to making fics ever again

Also HIIIIII TWILIGHT FANDOM (⁠◔⁠‿⁠◔⁠)

Cw/tw; human!reader, miscellaneous and not sorted hcs, afab!reader for both nsfws, no use of y/n, no dialogue, f! Receiving oral, mentions of cumming inside, finger sucking, mentions of quickies, nipple play(???)

Not proofread

Edward

Sfw

Protective. Not overbearing by any means, but he advises against certain actions if he thinks it'll keep you safer.

Before you guys got together, he'd use his mind reading to figure out what you like and dislike to make it easier to woo you.

Finds flowers in random places and gives them to you. Whether it be in a field or pulling over on the side of the road, he'll pick flowers just to gift to you.

Speaking of gifts, he gives you a lot of trinkets. Anything that catches his attention and makes him think of you, he brings straight to you. He's like a crow.

Knows how to cook. If you work, he has meals prepared for you when you get home. If you don't work, he'll have you help him in the kitchen.

Physical touch and gift giving are his love languages, the latter we spoke about previously, the former being much more complicated.

Complicated because of how cold he is. He usually tries to keep his touches to a minimum, but something about the heat you give off entices him. Everything about you entices him.

Nsfw

Service dom. 100% a service dom.

He's much more into eating you out than penetration. Mainly because he's so scared of hurting you(i KNOW y'all saw how he broke the bed on his and Bella's honeymoon, he's TERRIFIED of losing control).

He would definitely make you wait a few months before actually sleeping together. He'd want it to be the perfect time and setting, possibly even scheduling the entire thing cause he's weird like that.

Edward is definitely a romantic. If he were to schedule your first time together, he'd make a home cooked dinner with your favorite meals, then take you to the bedroom for dessert.

His horribly cold hands make red, burning marks on your thighs, mainly from how hard he's gripping them in an attempt to keep them open, though.

When it did come to actual penetration.. he came. VERY quickly. He explained it was because of being pent up for so long, he couldn't help it, you were too irresistible!

Of course you both went for a few more rounds, stopping when your fragile human body physically couldn't take anymore, but he made up for his lack of performance at first.

After that, he'd run a warm bath, submerge you both in it, and clean you up, being careful around your now excruciatingly sensitive lower half.

His tongue is also ice cold, do with that information what you will.

Jacob

Sfw

Overprotective. Won't let you leave the house without him. Says it's because he, "can't trust a pretty girl to be around desperate men." It's more about them than it is you.

Can't cook for shit but he can bake some good blueberry muffins.

He usually brings fruit platters whenever he sees you, makes sure you don't eat beforehand so that he can feed you.

Also giving you gifts every chance he gets, but his a much more heartfelt. He'd give you custom made jewelry with your favorite crystals, gorgeous paintings of landscapes he'd commission, etc.

He gets a bit upset when you don't wear the jewelry he gifts you; especially necklaces. They're his favorite and seeing you without them breaks his heart a bit.

I know it's canon already but he's an absolute fucking FURNACE. You're never cold when you're near him, he heats up any room he's even slightly near.

Very into pda. Like, VERY into it. His hands are constantly touching yours, his arm is constantly around your waist or shoulders, he's never not touching you in some way, especially around other people. Mostly to 'mark his territory'.

If he saw another man staring at you for a bit too long(which to him is any longer than a simple glance), Jacob would definitely either lean in to kiss you or touch your ass. He doesn't care who else is around, he just wants to one up everyone and show off what's his.

Nsfw

A switch, mostly a top though; but he LIVES to see you ride him.

Jacob has a scarily high sex drive, so as long as you're down with it, sex is an everyday thing.

Can't sleep at night if you're not cockwarming him. It doesn't matter if he's overstimulated beyond belief, he wants to be inside you at all times.

Speaking of which, overstimulation!!!

Jacob gets overstimulated VERY easy. Whether it be cumming one too many times in your tight pussy, or cumming in that sweet mouth of yours, sometimes it's just too much for him, and he can't help it!

He loves your tits. Whether they're small or big, saggy or perky, he loves them. Grabbing, pinching, tugging, licking, sucking, he's doing all of it.

If you're riding him and randomly start grabbing at your nipples, playing with them in front of him, he cums, right then and there. Hard, too.

Wouldn't be opposed to quickies. If he's getting a bit more hot and bothered than usual when you guys are out, there's a good possibility he'll take you somewhere secluded and fuck your brains out. Then just walk back into the crowd with you like nothing happened.

Very into finger sucking. No further comments on that one.

Much sloppier than Edward. Jacob is romantic of course, candles and flower petals on the bed when he thinks it's a good time to be extra, but Jacob is a lot more primal with it. His love is more animalistic, he needs and he learns more than Edward ever could.

A/N; does Jacob have a knot? 🤔

[tokyo-daaaamn-ji-gang]

even if it's late, I gotta request: Shinichiro as your boyfriend headcanons?? 🥹 any aspects you want, but I'd LOVE to see how his family and friends react and interact <33 have a great night/day!!

Here are some (Shinichiro definitely deserves to be a boyfriend)!

Both his friends and his family actually thinks he's joking or trying to trick them when he announces he's seeing someone. They've teased him about being rejected for so long that they're pretty surprised someone accepted his confession this time. Shinichiro has a hard time trying to convince them this is real (Mikey even suggests you're imaginary at first before meeting you). 

Begs his friends (and Manjiro) to not embarass him before he introduces you to them (of course they all ignore this and tell a bunch of embarrassing stories about him instead).

They're all pretty friendly towards you though they have a tonne of questions. Emma, Izana and Mikey (Mikey asks the most random ones like if you like taiyaki? and can you fight?)  They want to know everything about you (this has never happened before so they're pretty excited) and Shinichiro's friends want to know the details of him asking you out (they're still pretty surprised). 

Shinichiro can't stop saying my girlfriend/ my boyfriend. He just loves saying that he finally has a partner. 

And definitely brags about you to his friends a lot, he just loves talking about you, especially in this early stage. Everyone get's a bit sick of him going on and on about you eventually lmao. 

Shinichiro also get's a lot of random advice about you and how to be a good boyfriend in the early stages. 

Shinichiro makes sure he does basically every romantic gesture he can think of (especially seems to love bringing you flowers). He likes how happy it seems to make you.

He is a bit shy when it comes to getting physical, he badly wants to hold your hand, hug you, kiss you etc but get's a bit nervous to (he overthinks it a lot) ends up nervously laughing while asking you to. And yes this get's him teased by his friends.

He automatically grins everytime he sees you, he doesn't even seem to notice it but he get's so much happier when he spots you. 

His siblings love you and unfortunately for Shinichiro like to have your attention anytime you're altogether. You've been stolen away from Shinichiro a few times by his siblings when he planned to hang out with you.

Shinichiro offers to drive you around everywhere, likes the feeling of you being so close to him and wants you to see how much fun being on a bike is (or how much fun his bike is).

He's a very good listener, you can say you like something just once and he'll remember it.

Whenever you hug him, he always murmurs that being in your embrace is the best place in the world

He's a lot happier overall with you around too, not that he was exactly sad before but he has an extra spring in his step and smiles even more then before.

Also refuses to work late anymore, he used to stay late with the bikes if something needed doing but now wants to get back to you as soon as possible. Shinichiro actually doesn't even realise this though, it's Inui who points out that he's started doing this.

Has so many pet names for you, seems to use a different one every time. (He keeps a sort of draft list of them where he writes down new possible ideas)

Secretly plans to marry you (his friends already know because they were teasing him about it and he started blushing and not meeting their eyes)

He also daydreams a lot about you while away from you and apparently makes a certain face while doing it, the others call it his "boyfriend face".

And finally, even after the hardest days for him, coming home and seeing you and the way you look at him/ treat him always makes him smile.

[stevinguniverse]

Something ive been thinking about a lot lately.. ^_^

While Steven's on the road after future, I feel like he would experiment with shapeshifting a lot more. I feel like the idea would be born out of insecurity... Like, he's still dealing with so much, he had such little time to process his trauma and how it still hurts him, and he definitely has a lot of issues with his self confidence. I feel like, just every now and then, Steven would shapeshift into other people, like characters he's made up in his head.

I think a lot of his characters would be women... One, because he grew up with mostly women, his most formative years and events he spent with the gems. So maybe he would just default to that.. BUT ALSO I think that he has some issues with gender identity that he would rather work out AWAY from home, whether or not hes aware that's what he's doing.. i definitely think Steven is a little genderfluid.. maybe just genderqueer!! But he never really had time to explore his own identity, he always just had to prove to everyone that he /wasn't/ rose/pink diamond. Coming to terms with the fact that he is Steven is great, but who is Steven?

Anyway I think this character would be the one he usually defaults to.. (I can't stop thinking about her AUGHH) I feel like Steven would shapeshift into her to do random everyday things.. like going grocery shopping, getting food, going on walks, etc. It's still him.. but just different!!

In my mind, steven would use shapeshifting a way to explore his own identity, but mostly as a form of escapism. To separate himself from his trauma and everything he's dealing with.. sometimes it's hard to be the same person you were when everything was going downhill, and it's confusing to try to navigate life as the same person who went through something so horrible.. for Steven it was just traumatic event after traumatic event for YEARS, and even in future he went through soo much. It wouldn't be crazy to imagine he doesn't want to be himself anymore after that. At least not all the time. Sometimes just being yourself can be isolating. Living vicariously through a "perfect person" he's fabricated in his head would be freeing at first, but I feel like ultimately he would just become exhausted..

I think connie would be the first to find out... In future they mentioned meeting up for ?? breakfast (i think it was breakfast)... Imagine Connie is in town a little early, she decides to stop by a store to grab something. Steven is already there (ive imagined this scenario like 50 times already help me) and they end up in the same aisle. Steven recognizes her immediately, obviously, but knows as long as he keeps his form she will never know. Once she leaves, he can just un-shapeshift and then meet her at the REAL spot they're supposed to. But I think in his nervousness, he would drop whatever item he was holding. Connie being nice of course would pick it up and hand it to him. Maybe she would ask him a question, or say "hey, I like your earrings!".. but if Steven responds, she's going to immediately recognize his voice :,) ... (I actually have imagined this turning out multiple ways... Either Steven freaks out and says something anyway and she recognizes his voice, he gets too nervous and un-shapeshifts by accident.. cus he's probably not very great at shapeshifting because I mean.. why would he want to be after cat fingers.., or he would pretend he couldn't talk and quickly leave the store 😭) in this hypothetical situation im gonna say he gets caught shapeshifting and is put into a situation where he has to sit through the date still shapeshifted (i still haven't figured out why he would have to yet ....) and hes embarrassed and also feeling a lot of shame but connie is just confused and a little flustered too because... waow pretty boyfriend....

I do think they would have a long conversation afterwards, like maybe they sit in stevens car and talk... Connie asks him if he's more comfortable being this way. He says not really. Maybe? Kind of? But not really.. she asks why he's doing it, but he doesn't really truly know. He just knows its easier this way. They talk about the implications of him choosing this specific form, he tells her that he's really confused about who he is. His sense of self is all out of whack and he doesn't know how to handle it. He begs her not to tell anyone, and obviously shes like. What?? I wont!!

I think in the end Connie would just want to be supportive no matter what because she loves him ^_^ and Steven would probably cry a little because hes just so darn confused 😔 but eventually i think he would phase out of it.. probably realize hes genderfluid/queer along the way.. even though that wasn't the point of him shapeshifting in the first place..!

Steven being steven by not being Steven.. or something

[stellabobana]

I think we both feel the other person is dancing around things, so let me try to frame it again.

Taxes are absolutely a form of coercion. I admit that willingly, but I also think it's a pointless question. Because my moral framework does not see perfect freedom as possible outside theoretical scenarios. So long as people will exist, all freedoms will encroach upon each other.

Land is an obvious one, but I'm sure you know the arguments up and down here. Natural resources that are claimed by one person, but of course is "I found it first" the best way to handle distribution? It's the one we did, and it certainly has the benefit of being simple. But I find it hard to say it's the most fair, or represents the most freedom. Then there's inherited wealth, which makes sense on some ethical branches and not others, etc, etc, etc. I don't rely on any specific argument here, not because I'm not willing to argue them, but because the specific one in question just does not matter to me. Picking any system will, 100% of the time, result in some party benefiting more than others. The most fair systems don't result in no inequality, but in the least inequality possible to achieve. Life is imperfect and messy.

You ask if it's ok to force you to do things. I think the obvious and easy answer is - yes, absolutely. Even you believe that! You are arguing for private property rights that certainly give you the ability to, say, limit what can be done on your land. Because *true freedom is a philosophical concept, not a natural one*. Beyond that, presumably you'd want force to enforce your private property, or else it doesn't mean much to have it. Then we get back to more rules about how we prove property, how we track it, what rights ownership grants, forever down the line. These rules did not develop over thousands of years because people long for the boot, but because they were (often imperfect) solutions to actual problems that come when people live near each other.

My argument for taxes is that it takes something that most people want - basic public services - and implements it in the best system we've figured out yet. I don't *care* that there's some element of coercion, anymore than I care that we can't build a road that has no wear and tear. These are elements of the system existing *at all*, not things that can be taken away.

All rights you possess, by their very nature, impose limits on others. Debating that seems pointless. Step two - what's too far, what's too little - is where society has been stuck for a while now.

If you want to ask if taxes are the best way to handle public goods, sure. If you want to talk about how we handle the messy business of being born into a world with rules that we didn't agree with, sure. That one's pretty tough and I've never heard a good answer. But trying to say a system is bad merely because it has some level of coercion baked in precludes those, because I find it as interesting as debating the proper tax system for Narnia.

“Leftists want to enslave doctors” is such a weird take to keep showing up. I think it’s a libertarian thing?

[dmbakura]

woke up and first thing i do is be insane about white rabbit again. anyways here's another thread about him, focusing on his fatalistic views and relationship with the makaians he experimented on (this was formatted for bsky so i didnt go into as much detail as i wanted due to character limit and im too lazy to write more so)

white rabbit is a death seeker. like bro wants to die, plain and simple. he's on borrowed time with his artificial demon heart sustaining him. whatever freedom he hopes makaians will gain from bringing down sparda's wall, he knows he's probably going to expire before seeing it

it's pretty obvious with how he interacts with dante and lady. it's not just about killing them (he honestly seems pretty reluctant to kill lady in particular, perhaps thinking death is too good for her/wanting to thoroughly make her suffer first) it's about making them understand him

a lot of his decisions come across as reckless and kind of careless but i think it's by design. he shows a lot of himself to dante and lady, especially by leading them to his room. he wants to be "caught" in a sense. and it also explains why he doesnt just fall back and regroup when it's obvious he has no shot of winning against dante after his army gets decimated. he doesn't have the time or resources to try again (always running out of time!) and figures one last hail mary. and he does succeed! for a moment anyway

all of this is probably why he doesnt even sound particularly bothered when dante kills him, just leaves him with spiteful words about how this world fucking despises orphans and he has no place in it (holy projection batman!) he's completely resigned, and narratively, he's right.

another moment i keep thinking about is when he pulls himself from the river and finds bloodstryke (his last demon soldier). he doesn't look crazed or elated that he still has a shot or anything like that. he looks resigned and sad and empty. even regretful.

and bloodstryke, for a moment, actually looks happy to see him! which makes me think that it's very likely a lot of the makaians he augmented/experimented on were probably completely willing to donate themselves to the cause. why wouldnt they be? they have just as much a reason to fight.

idk we don't actually get too much follow up or fleshing out of his current relationship with the makaians, but to me it reads less like "mad scientist" and more like a weirdly twisted way of "caring" for them. it's not like white rabbit isn't also experimenting on himself and pushing his own body to its absolute limit. he knows what's at stake here.

i dont have a good way to end this thread im just thinking real hard about a lot of areas in the plot that season 1 didn't really have time to linger on (8 episodes is really damn short) and im hoping we see some sort of follow up on these plot threads (even flashbacks or whatever) in season 2 because i just love wrabbit so much and there's a lot of backstory they can utilize with him.

[sillydeimos]

traitor deimos au

being secretly an aahw operative, demos is one of the highest ranking technician that they have. and pretty much being a liar to status quo, he's far more sadistic then regular deimos.

deimos pretty much seeks the auditor's approval above all else, so he does whatever he thinks will make him value him above the other agents, trying to work his way up the social latter in the workplace. so him and auditor devised a plan because auditor wanted to take doc down by infiltrating. i think deimos basically put himself into a situation where he seemed like just a lone survivor in trouble, and sanford helped him out and the two just kinda...clicked.

sanford basically just saw deimos as being clever, funny, naive, kinda stupid, and could use a buddy. exactly the facade deimos wanted him to fall for. basically deimos using his ability to just seem like a dumbass to lower everyone's guard so that his true motives lay undetected. (i mean he is a dumbass but he's really using it to his advantage)

funnily enough i think hank would be the only one who's kind of 'suspicious' of deimos because deimos seems like he's trying way too hard to be his friend, and doc just thinks that's just hank being overly cautious. cause it would be really funny if hank of all people actually has a really good judge of character

deimos realizes pretty early on that his 'in' the group, the key to fitting in, was sanford. he realized sanford actually liked him as a friend and he used that to his advantage to come across as more of just a Regular Quirky Funny Guy, Not Secretly A Thread Of The Auditor.

but his downfall is that even despite playing 4d chess with them, he's still deimos and still has a heart at the end of the day so he actually really liked sanford back and thinks of him as a friend too but he's also lying to him which started making him feel guilty and start kinda repressing those feelings. i can imagine deimos communicating with auditor via some kind of special comm that he designed and telling him things are going well but auditor can kinda sense the doubt in his voice and is like "keep in mind who you belong to." it's just that deimos has been separated from the agency and auditor for so long he never really realized what having a normal friendship would be like and it's... kinda nice. really nice, actually.

i think it sets up an interesting weight of 'will he/won't he' whether or not deimos actually goes through with full on betraying s.q, giving back into his loyalty to the auditor or his friendship with sanford. thank you this has been my oneshot manga

[purplesaline]

That poor pup is SO stressed out. That "smirk" is also known as a "strained grin" (not to be confused with a submissive grin which is an appeasement behaviour).

When dogs are uncomfortable, anxious, or stressed you can often see the muscles around their mouth tightening. Here the muscles are so tense it's pulling the dog's lips back into what looks to us like a smile. It's actually closer to what we'd see in humans as a grimace.

This pup is being cornered by the larger barking dog so can't easily just escape this confrontation so he's attempting some appeasement behaviours like avoiding eye contact, the half-lidded eyes, ears back, and sitting to show he's not a threat and doesn't want trouble. In addition to the grimace he's showing his discomfort by leaning away from the barking dog and holding his body tensely.

When he turns his head slightly his ears start flicking back and forth is a stress coping technique, much like fidgeting for people.

And then you can see just after he turns his head to the side his ears come up to a more tense position and that's a sign this poor pup has had more than enough and if the barking dog doesn't back off he's about to transition from Fuck Around to Find Out. If you look close you can also see the grimace bare some teeth as well in warning.

After he crouches to the side (stress panting a little as well it looks like) to continue to try to avoid the situation the barking dog cuts him off so he feels even more trapped and that's when he lashes out.

This is an incredibly tolerant and patient dog. Even when he lashes out after all of that communication he doesn't attempt to bite. He barks and snaps at the air near the other dogs face and then continues to lunge and snap at the air.

That annoying puppy (I'm fairly certain this is a young dog. 8-14 months would be my guess) is incredibly lucky he didn't get his ass handed to him.

As for the barking dog, while it's hard to tell without sound my guess is he's trying to make the smaller dog play with him (as my puppy does the exact same thing to his aunt while I'm typing this 🙄 and she charges at him barking sharply and repeatedly to shut him up). You see this a lot in dogs with poor emotional regulation skills who struggle with frustration tolerance. In dogs under 2 years it's quite common because they're still developing those skills but if you see this behaviour in dogs over 2 it's usually because they've missed out on some important socialization.

I hope this video was taken for educational purposes to show people what discomfort looks like and how the body language can escalate because otherwise someone should have stepped in right away to enforce the smaller dogs boundaries and redirect the barking dog. Ideally the barking dog would be taken somewhere and helped to calm down and regulate to help him learn to do it himself (examples being cuddling, laying down in a kennel/crate, finding something else to play with, or being given something to chew or lick).

It's good to allow dogs the space to communicate and deal with issues between them, but when it's clear one dog isn't listening it's important that a person step in and help. This builds trust between the aggrieved dog and the person and it also helps the dog that wasn't listening learn that they can't push those limits and get what they want.

Disclaimer after all of that, I'm not a trainer or behaviour specialist so if a qualified behaviourist tells you I was wrong about something chances are pretty good they're right, but i guarantee you they'll all agree that poor dog is stressed af even if we disagree on the semantics of particular body languahe cues.

[southwestchili]

IM WITH THE B★ND

rockstar! toji x groupie! reader

genre: smut

! I recommend listening to Closer by Nine Inch Nails while u read!

Synopsis: You're a college student, and you and you're girlfriends are going out for a fun post-exam girls' night out. You and you're friends go to some shitty dive bar, and you expect an even shittier band playing. You could not have been more wrong.

Tags: AFAB reader, minors DNI, PnV sex, strangers to something else??, love at first sight, toji is lwk old, older n younger dynamics, toji answers the phone during sex, chocking, doogy style, toji r a little evil, reader is shy and awkward, college reader!, shoko, yuki and gojo mentioned, wrote this while fucked up if it sucks that's why

✧˖°.🧷🖇️☠︎︎✮⋆˙✧˖°.🧷🖇️☠︎︎✮⋆˙✧˖°.🧷🖇️☠︎︎✮⋆˙✧˖°.🧷🖇️☠︎︎✮⋆˙✧˖°.

Finals were stressful, everything is stressing you out. But on top of that the most stress inducing thing going on above all, is your shitty ex boyfriend being posted up with some new girl and he has the audacity to rub it in your face. You like to act like it doesn't bother you, but it does. Not the fact that you wish it was you or anything, but the fact that you've been so deprived of dick for the last 3 months. You cannot even put into words how feral you have been for the past 3 months. You were pulled out of your slump by your room mates urging you out of your slump. Shoko brought up going to a dive bar and Yuki agreed. You rolled your eyes at the thought of going to some grimy little bar, with greasy floors, weird lighting and creepy old dudes. You know you should get out of the dorm so you agree with a sigh. Your friends were excited at the face you agreed. Yuki had a dress you could borrow. it was black halter dress, and you picked out a pair of black kitten heels. You do some light makeup. this is the first time in the past 3 months you've actually felt pretty.

♱⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺♱

The Uber arrives, and the three of you get in. Unfortunately, as soon as you guys get in your phone buzzes. You look at who it is, and your heart drops when you see a text from your ex. Satoru Gojo. Your eyes widen, and you show it to your friends. They tell you not to look at it, but your curiosity gets the best of you. You open it and read, "hey, how r u? its been a while?" You know he's only reaching out because the girl he's been messing with isn't responding. "Ugh. Why can't he let me have one simple night to myself?" you say, sighing. "Girl, just ignore him, maybe you'll see someone cute at the bar," Shoko says, rubbing your shoulder. Yuki nods in agreement. You agree and turn your phone off, and try to get it out of your mind. The Uber drops you off at the bar, and you guys walk inside. You hear a band doing a sound check, and you roll your eyes. You know there's gonna be a mediocre band playing shitty music. You guys make your way to the bar and take a seat. You order a dirty martini, Yuki gets herself a whiskey neat, and Shoko orders a gin and tonic. You guys begin to gossip about the usual topics. "Did you hear about Suguru? I heard he's becoming a total player," Yuki says, taking a sip of her drink. "Oh my god, I know! This one time, he asked Gojo for a threesome...I was so uncomfortable, you know I lowkey have a theory they want each other." You comment, and your friends giggle. "Girl, imagine how it was in high school! I've always thought that you're not alone, babe," Shoko says. Your conversation is cut short but the sound of a husky, low voice. You look back and see a tall, muscular, and downright sinfully handsome man. You couldn't even make out the words coming out of his mouth. The light hit his biceps just right, and that tight black wife-beater wasn’t doing a damn thing to hide what was underneath. It was so distracting that you could not even hide how hard you were saying until Yuki tapped you on the shoulder, snapping you out of your daze. "You good? You look like you're about to start drooling?" she teases. "Oh.. yeah, I'm good," you reply. You were a very bad liar. You were not good. You suddenly were very enthralled by the 'mediocre' band that was playing. The man who was talking seemed to be the lead guitarist, effortlessly strumming the strings with a smooth, almost seductive rhythm that had you hypnotized. "Are you going to keep staring, or are you gonna finish your drink?" Shoko said, shaking you, she had a smirk on her face. She knew exactly what you were thinking. You turned around and finished your drink, and went on to say the most downright perverted things about that man. You've never strung a filthier string of sentences together than you just did. "Oh, you're down BAD," Yuki says, giggling. "Let's play some pool, maybe that will take you out of your mood?" Shoko says, smirking, pointing to the pool tables that were conveniently placed by the stage. "Okay, you guys get set up there, I'll go grab us a round of beer," Yuki says.

You and Shoko go over to the pool table. The band finishes their first song, and they start the second. You swore you locked eyes with the guitarist, maybe the alcohol is beginning to take effect. You try to brush it off, you know you can't, but it's good to try! Shoko sets up the balls in the middle of the table, and Yuki comes back with the beer right on time. The band plays the intro to their song, and you instantly recognize the song. It's Closer by Nine Inch Nails. You can feel every strum of the bass in your soul, and you swear that the guitarist is staring into your soul. You and your friends start the game of pool. You go first, grabbing the cue stick and lining up for the break. You all take turns, laughing and having fun. The song ends just as you sink the 8-ball for the win. You watch as 8-ball goes into the pocket, and you jump in excitement. You smile at your friends, and they congratulate you. Shoko's eyes go to look behind you at something, you turn your head to follow her gaze, and you wish you didn't. You see the guitarist from earlier walking towards you. Your heart skips a beat, and you see him smirking at you. You watch as both of your friends walk away to leave you alone with him. He is finally face to face with you, and he says, "Hey, pretty lady, did you like the show?" Your mouth goes dry as you think of a response. "Uh- Uh-yeah! It was really good!" you managed to say. "You caught my eye with all y'er starin'," he says. Your cheeks flushed, and you looked to the side to avoid how piercing his gaze was. "Don't get shy now, doll, you weren't so shy starin' at me so shamelessly were you, huh?" he says, using his hand to guide your face so you're looking at him. "I-uh, I'm sorry," you managed to say, no man you had ever talked to made you feel anything close to this. "You're cute, y'know, when you were bent over that pool table, you gave me a good look at those panties of yours, right? I saw how aroused you were, doll," he says with a wink. "Oh! You did??" You're utterly embarrassed. "Mhm, red's a good color on you, babe." This guy is going to kill you. He is literally gonna give you a heart attack, as the interaction between you goes on, the more desperate you grow. "So, you wanna do something about it? I can help you out if you really want me to," he says, rubbing his thumb along your jaw. "I don't wanna leave my friends behind...and don't you have to go back with the band?" you ask, looking up at him. "don't worry about them, and your friends don't look like they would mind, they've been watching us and giggling, so cmon lemme help you out girlie," he says smirking. "Oh, I guess they have, huh?" You say, glancing over to them and smiling. They wave at you and give you a thumbs-up. The guitarist slides his arm around your lower back. "Names Toji, by the way," he says as he leads you out of the bar. You tell Toji your name, and he says something about it being fitting for you. Surprisingly, he lives nearby by so all you two had to do was walk to reach his apartment.

♱⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆♱⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺♱

You two reach his apartment door, and he unlocks the door. The door opens, and he leads you inside. You are starting to realize how insane the situation is. you just entered a strangers apartment to fuck. Your eyes widen at the thought, and you look at Toji, and he can read your expression. “You having second thoughts?” he teases, his voice low. “No… Toji, I want you,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper, hinting toward the bedroom. "Oh yeah? You needy little thing, you can't wait, can you?" he says, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder. Your eyes widen in shock at his strength, and you press your thighs together. Toji opens the door to his bedroom and throws you onto the bed. "Strip for me, pretty," he says with a low, demanding tone. You untie your dress slowly, and it falls off you. Then you unclasp your bra, you remove it, and set it on his nightstand. You look at him, but he still looks unsatisfied. Toji rolls his eyes and gets on the bed with you. he spreads your thighs apart and removes your panties and puts them in his bedside drawer. "Savin' them for later, hope you don't mind," he coos. You look up at him, you feel like prey beneath the hunter, you're frozen with anticipation. His eyes are locked onto yours, and he leans in to kiss you. You kiss back, he slides his tongue into your mouth, and you moan as he presses his knee between your thighs. His hand slides around your neck while the other starts groping and playing with your breast. Your senses are being taken over by pleasure. All you can smell is his cologne, it's a mixture of musk and tobacco. All you can feel is the pleasure he's giving you, and all you can hear is the raw desire between the two of you as you make out. Toji pulls away, and all that is left is the string of salvia showing the previous connection between the two of you. His hand is still gripping your throat, you can see his biceps flex, and the veins running along the sides of his arms.

You tug at his shirt to signal you want it off, and to your surprise, he obliges. Toji's eyes lock with yours, a smirk playing at the corner of his lips as his fingers curl around the hem of his shirt. He pulls it up, inch by inch, revealing the hard lines of muscle beneath. Each movement is smooth, teasing, as if he’s savoring the moment. The shirt comes off, and your gaze trails over his chest, toned and sculpted like it was made to be touched. He doesn’t rush, letting the tension build before he finally meets your eyes again, his expression just daring you to look away. You don't. You keep eye contact. You bite your bottom lip and bring your hand to touch his abs, but he smacks your hand away. "Not so fast, doll, look but don't touch, not until I say so," he says, smirking. You pout at him, and he has a cruel look in his eyes. "Look at how desperate you look, your pussy is begging to be touched by me, she's pretty ain't she baby?" He says as he starts to rub circles on your clit. He slowly inserts a finger, and then adds a second. He is pushing them in and out slowly, curling them, hitting that spot. "Fast, please, Toji.." you beg. "Aw look at you beggin'..you wanna cum around my fingers baby?" he says in a mocking tone. "Yes, please!" you gasp as he starts to go faster. You feel something inside that is coming close to snapping. But Toji pulls them out before you can cum. "You're so mean!" you say, your voice cracking. "Aww I know baby, but you want to come around my fingers or on my cock?" "I want your cock Toji.." You say. Toji flips you around and angles your hips up, and pushes your head into the mattress. "You gonna whine some more or you gonna be good f'me?" he says with a slight growl. "m'gonna be good f'you tojiiii" you cry out. You hear the unbuckling of the belt, and you feel his tip press against your opening. "You ready, doll?" Toji asks. "Yes, please, toji!" you moan. he slides inside of you and you cant belive the girth of his cock. You feel like it's splitting you in half. You hear Toji grunt behind you, and then you hear something similar to the opening of a marker cap. Confused, you turn your head to see Toji with a Sharpie, still drilling into you begin to write something on the lower part of your back. "Thought y'wanted an autograph, looks good on ya' doll." Toji smirks.. He violently thrusts into you, the overwhelming sounds of sex flood your hearing, and you drool at the feeling of toji stretching you out. "Toji, m'close.." you moan. "You take what I give you slut" toji barks, giving your ass a smack. Your ringer goes off, and Toji stops thrusting to look at it. "Satoru? Who's this doll?" you gasp. The phone stops ringing but then you hear Satoru's voice on the other end. And as soon as he answered, Toji started going again. "Toji!" you say, startled. You hear Satorus say your name. What really catches you off guard is when Toji starts to TALK to Satoru. "Who the fuck is this?" Satoru asks. "The guy who's fucking you bitch right now," Toji says, he then flips the camera to show how hard he's fucking you. Toji hangs up on Satoru, and then you feel his thrusts getting sloppier. "Fuck babe where do you want it?" Toji asks. "Inside, please!" you ask. You feel the knot in your stomach snap, and as soon as you come, so does he. He pulls out but pushes the cum back inside you. He lies beside you and tucks a lock of hair. "That was really good, Toji." You curl up beside him, and your eyes start feeling heavy. You ended up falling asleep beside each other.

✧˖°.🧷🖇️☠︎︎✮⋆˙✧˖°.🧷🖇️☠︎︎✮⋆˙✧˖°.🧷🖇️☠︎︎✮⋆˙✧˖°.🧷🖇️☠︎︎✮⋆˙✧˖°.

The ending is trash but its 2:00 and I refuse to think of something better. anywho I LOVE TOJIII.

[porty]

for my starlight

burning pile

"alright. welcome back to another episode of chattermeta," isagi said seriously.

his tone made ness glance up nervously, still anxiously waiting for that email to come in. bachira let out a soft sigh before chiming in.

"we just wanted to hop on here to speak about something - something rather important," bachira stated. "and we thought this would be the best way to address you guys."

he glanced over at ness and swore he saw him tense. something was definitely off. bachira could feel it. he wasn’t sure what it was, but he knew he had to get to the bottom of it. turning back to isagi, he gave him a subtle signal to keep going, hoping isagi understood how serious this was.

"you know, recently we saw and heard some things that raised our concerns," isagi began. "and we just want to talk about it. we want to point out a few things and clear the air. we’ve always tried to be open and honest with you guys, and we think it’s only right to talk about this before it gets completely out of hand."

bachira nodded and continued where isagi left off.

"yeah, a day or two ago - some tweets came out about us. they accused us of stealing content and using people just for clout. as you all know, shidou, oliver, and yn have been our friends for over ten years - way before chattermeta even existed. We invite them on because we genuinely enjoy their company, and their support means everything to us."

he rubbed his temples, clearly frustrated. he’d never signed up for this influencer life. podcasting was never about popularity for him - it was about connection. and now, all of this noise made it hard to remember that.

isagi picked it back up. "to add to that, we want to say we always do our best to credit those involved with any topic we cover. we really take the time and effort to make content that not only we enjoy and appreciate, but content you all will love too."

bachira looked over at him, silently appreciating the fact that Isagi was actually taking it seriously this time.

then, bachira turned to ness. "anything you want to say, ness?"

ness sighed. "it just sucks that this is happening. i have no words." his eyes flicked away for a moment - he wanted to look anywhere but at them - but forced himself to stay grounded. he didn’t want to look suspicious. after a moment, he added, "you know... who even gave them that information?"

bachira hummed in thought. isagi gave a slow nod. there was something about this whole situation that didn’t sit right with either of them. bachira’s brows furrowed - who would intentionally spread lies to make them all look bad?

"we just want to make sure we're all on the same page," isagi said firmly. "and make it known that this person - whoever they are - is spreading something harmful. that’s not what we're about. and if any of you did feel this way about us - we’re sorry. that was never our intention. we just want to have fun and share that with you."

"yeah," bachira added. "we don't want to lose your trust. and if you did believe that person, we’ll take responsibility. we’re going to get better at crediting people. Just know - we care deeply about the core five. we have them here because it’s fun - "

"um, sorry…" ness interrupted, glancing at his screen. "we just got something. someone wrote in."

"oh? well, read it," isagi said.

thankfully, bachira was facing away from ness - so ness didn’t catch him rolling his eyes. "yeah, the subject line says: ‘you guys are alright!’"

“To my Starlight,

I never imagined I'd have to write to you like this... but here I am. As always, I need you to know—I am here. I'm always here. Closer than you think. Watching, waiting. I'll never leave your side. Not really.

I don’t understand what this is—this so-called "special episode." It reeks of deception. It's not for your safety. It's for them. A distraction. A pretty little lie to make them sleep at night. I see through it. I always do.

They’re using you—parading you around like a symbol, like a sacrifice. And it makes me sick. They don’t see you, not the way I do. You're not their pawn. You’re radiant. Fearless. Singular. My starlight. And yet... they throw you to the wolves.

When I hear what they’re doing to you, I feel something twist inside me. I get... angry. Too ang-”

"ness, that's enough!" bachira exclaimed. "you didn't want to check the content before reading it?"

he rubbed his forehead, frustration bubbling just beneath the surface. he wanted to keep going - someone couldn’t be this dense, not in a situation like this, not with everything going on. being present for this and still making that mistake? bachira couldn’t believe it.

he was about to say something else when isagi moved his microphone in the worst possible way, creating an awful screech that made bachira groan. before he could recover, ness spoke up.

"sorry… it looked fine on the subject -"

now isagi cut him off.

"we should wrap it up here. thank you guys for listening up to this point, and we’ll see you next time." isagi tried to sound chipper, forced brightness in his voice.

he ended the podcast with a click and let out a tired sigh. "ness, go home…"

"i’m sorry…" ness said quietly, slipping out of the room.

bachira didn’t say a word. he just glared, eyes locked on ness until he was out of sight. then he turned back to isagi and sighed.

that’s when it hit him - bachira put two and two together. ness had something to do with it. he didn’t know how yet, but he had a bad feeling. and he needed proof.

masterlist || Previous: creep || Next: (don’t fear) the reaper

Taglist: @aionishoh || @inojinieeee || @rinniebinniebay || @twilightsumu || @dremerys || @thatmf-jay || @amvpk01 || @yxruxp

@porty || do not plagiarise or translate any of my work. I do not own any of the Blue Lock characters all rights goes to Muneyuki Kaneshiro and Yusuke Nomura.

[cccakessslicemeee]

I like to think Riz and Kristen are a lot closer than they think they are and are actually the best under pressure

I really just love love love the idea of them having this deep bond that maybe they themselves don't really think about. Like they don't have to. They love one another like family.

Kristen is so hard to tolerate sometimes because she treats everything like a joke and Riz just doesn't know how to let go of shit. Like they just balance one another out.

Things I like to believe that happened before the kids got rooms at Mordred Manor

+Kristen could not tolerate the silence in the apartments unless she was sleeping in a bed or at least in another room with someone. I truly believe in my heart of hearts that she would be like two seconds from tears and Fig and Riz would huddle around her and tell her everything's gonna be fine

+Riz and Kristen had many, many deep conversations about her family and how she's powerless to help her brothers. Riz isn't gonna spill her secrets and he doesn't have answers that are good enough to share but he's the size of a teddy bear and he listens with his hole heart.

+ Riz sleeps on Kristen's chest pretty frequently, Kristen hog ties him and then hits him with a "please don't go" and he's too soft to say no. He tries to slip away to his clue board and Kristen tightens her grip and whines "noooooooooo". Riz sleeps better when Kristen is at the apartment because she lovingly forces him into it

+Kristen tries so hard to be useful and picks up thumb tacks and yarn for Riz although he's probably fully stocked, paper clips and fancy pen grips because it might just be nice. Riz appreciates the gesture

+ Fig makes Gilear, Kristen, and Riz play free style karaoke and Riz is actually p good at singing. He likes to sing but he doesn't ever wanna be a star or anything like that. He's got enough on his plate

+Maybe Kristen and Riz had a couple conversations where she had to drag out some conclusion or idea of his sexuality and Riz doesn't want to. He's got things to do he can't worry about +that stuff+ and that's okay. She doesn't say a word or being it up again for awhile

+Kristen absolutely tells Riz everything. Everything. Probably takes pictures of her shit and sends them to Riz "hey is this normal? It's huge" and like other weird stuff. Riz wishes she'd stop sending him those he's not a doctor and he tells her all the time. Although she does send him a picture of a rash once and riz is like "oh that's blah blah don't touch it, rub it down with green tea"

Maybe more later

I just really love the idea of Kristen and Riz just like...being platonic soulmates if that makes sense? Like they just "get" where the other one is coming from and trust the other endlessly. And like Kristen over sharing so much in a desperate attempt to connect with Riz who doesn't want to be split open or studied

Their friendship is really wonderful and I don't think I have enough +words+ about it.

[ladyloveandjustice]

Finally posted part 2 of this last night just in time for me to probably not have time to write fanfic anymore. a03 link.

Chapter Two

“Are you sure you’re doing all right?” Souko asked.

Natsume Takashi nodded and smiled brightly, but it didn’t reassure Souko all that much. He looked pale and a bit peaky, and his nostrils were red and chapped. “Thanks for meeting up again. I’m sorry about the other day.”

“You really think I, of all people, would blame you for getting sick?” Souko chuckled.

It had been, quite frankly, hilarious when she came to meet Natsume at the park and no one showed up. She’d wondered if Reiko was taking revenge on her from the afterlife, but this time she wasn't at all worried that Natsume had ditched her. She’d foolishly forgotten her phone at home, and after fifteen minutes of waiting, she was prepared to head back and see if he had contacted her. She rose from the park bench, only see the shaggy haired boy she recognized as Natsume’s friend barrelling toward her.

He skidded to a stop in front of her, doubled over and panting. “S-sorry…” he wheezed.

“Is something wrong?” A shock of worry ran through Souko.

The boy—Tanuma, if she recalled correctly—shook his head. “No…Natsume just…wanted to…”

 “Catch your breath first,” Souko said gesturing to the park bench. Tanuma nodded and sat down, his chest still heaving. After a couple minutes his breathing slowed.

  “Sorry,” he said again. “I’m just here to tell you that Natsume got sick and can’t come.”

 “Is it serious?” Souko asked urgently.

  Tanuma shook his head again. “No, no, it’s just a bit of a fever from exhaustion and some…other stuff. His usual. He was actually going to come here to tell you after you didn’t answer, but I convinced him to let me do it.”

 “He gets sick a lot?” Souko chewed on her lip in worry. When she’d told Kana about the pattern of premature death in his family, she had been just as concerned as Souko. Her wife had started insisting she should offer to give the boy a check-up, and when Souko reminded her she was retired and her former practice was miles away, she’d started grumbling.

“He does, but I’m the same way, it’s just our constitution,” Tanuma said hastily. “It’s rarely anything major but…” Tanuma’s mouth twisted a bit. “He does push himself too hard.”

Souko nodded. “I get sick a lot myself, so I understand. I’d never want him to risk his health just to come meet me…though I suppose that’s pretty hypocritical of me to say, I did that all the time when I was his age. I’m sorry you had to run all the way here. Did he think I’d be angry?”

 “Not really, he was just anxious. Even though he left a message, he thought he was…dredging up bad memories or something like that. Did you…” Tanuma trailed off, his mouth tight.

He still seemed a tense around her, Souko noted, and she couldn’t figure out why.

"Did I do something? You seem a little on guard. Especially when we first met.”

Tanuma’s eyes widened. “Oh! No, you didn’t do anything.” He flushed, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sorry for back then. When I first saw you sitting next to him, Natsume was rubbing his eyes and looked..kind of overwhelmed, so I thought you might be…” he trailed off again, probably wanting to protect Natsume’s privacy.

“…one of the relatives who treated him badly?” She asked softly.

“Oh.” His brow crinkled. “He told you?”

“I figured it out from how he was talking about them. Or rather, what he considered to be a normal way to treat a child.”

“That’s basically how anyone who knows him has to figure it out,” Tanuma sighed.

“Has he run into them a lot?”

“No, just a couple times.  He’ll actually go up and talk to them because he wants to ask about Reiko.”

That’s brave. Souko thought. He takes after his grandmother there too. “They don’t do anything to him, do they?”

“Not…yelling or any of that. But the way they talk to him is horrible.” Tanuma’s hand balled into fists. “And I can tell it hurts him. Sorry, I probably sound overprotective. It’s not any of my business, really. I just wanted to explain…I’m being selfish, Natsume wouldn’t want me to talk about this.”

“It’s fine, don’t beat yourself up,” she said quickly. He still wasn’t meeting her eyes. “You… still seem tense, though. Is there anything else you need cleared up?

“It’s nothing to do with you. I just get worried.” Tanuma sighed, shaking his head.

You can tell me,” she said simply.

He hesitated for a second. “Again, this isn’t my business….” His hands twisted together in his lap. “But…I know you’ve been talking about Reiko’s past. And well, I’m worried you might know something…bad. And uh, the fallout it might have on Natsume.”

“Something bad that she did, or something bad that happened to her?”

“Something that happened, mostly. Not that I’m think you shouldn’t tell him, I know Natsume would want to the truth, but…”

“I’ve already told him everything I know about Reiko,” she assured him. “I only knew her for a little while.”

“Oh.” Tanuma’s shoulders slumped in relief, and for the first time, he smiled slightly. “That’s good to know. Thank you.”

She could see the weight of his caring, how carefully he carried it, how he had to struggle not to let it drag him down. He was much like Natsume in that way. She wanted to say they were too young for that kind of burden, but she and Reiko had been the same, hadn’t they?

She’d worried about her so much, about her bruises and cuts, about how she was always tense and on guard even as she slept, the way her eyes would snap open and look frantically around when she woke. Reiko had never cried out, but Souko had felt her having nightmares sometimes, just from the way she’d always draw in her knees and ball up her fists, coiling herself tightly, like she was retreating into a shell. Sometimes she gnashed her teeth.

Looking back, Souko wished she’d had the courage to reach over and shake Reiko awake, to ask if everything was okay. But instead she just carried the weight of Reiko’s fears without knowing what they were. Maybe Reiko had felt the same, when Souko had forced a smile through another dizzy spell or failed to mention she’d been at the hospital earlier that day.

Natsume, on the other hand, apparently confided in Tanuma. Even though they clearly had their struggles, she was a little childishly jealous they were even able to voice their worries at such a young age.

But it was also a relief. Another confirmation that Natsume had the help she hadn’t been able to give Reiko.

When Tanuma and Souko parted, he was far more cheerful, and he told her that Natsume would meet her the next day. And indeed, the boy had arrived. Finally, he was going to show her this mysterious…something.

“Would you be willing to go on a walk with me?” Natsume asked. “There’s something my grandmother would have wanted you to see. But we’ll have to go through the forest you two used to meet in to get there, and I think the hike will take 20 minutes, so I understand if you don’t want to...”

Souko swallowed. She’d been avoiding that forest this whole trip. She hadn’t been sure she could stand up to the painful memories. But it was different with Natsume Takashi by her side. When she looked at him, she felt like she owed Reiko this, somehow. That this was a journey they’d both always been meant to take.

So she forced herself to adopt a teasing tone. “Are you thinking I’m too old and frail to handle a little hike, Natsume?”

“No, I wasn’t saying—”

“Because I can’t turn down a challenge. Especially not from Reiko’s grandson.”

Natsume noticed her grin and gave a tiny smile of his own. “Then consider it a challenge.”

The terrain of the path was harder on her knees than she remembered. She did have to take things slow—The power of modern medicine had made her childhood illness manageable, but it had never truly left her. She was able to be much more active than she once was, she couldn’t overdo it.

She was glad for her slow pace for once though, she could see Natsume didn’t feel his best either, he walking carefully.  His cat, funnily enough, seemed to realize this too, it started off the journey riding on his shoulder, but then jumped down as soon as Natsume showed visible strain. It fixed him with a glare that was so human-like and uncanny Souko felt a weird prickle on her neck.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” she asked.

Natsume nodded. Souko would have pressed more, but she saw that he was having no problem navigating the path. He seemed at home in the woods, just like Reiko had.

“You really are so much like your grandmother. I feel like I’m constantly seeing new similarities.”

Natsume stopped, looking curiously at her.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s just uh… they don’t usually say that. I mean, other than us looking alike, of course. Usually they tell me about how different we are.”

Souko’s eyebrows drew together. “What do they say is different?”

Natsume looked slightly embarrassed and gave a little shrug. “I’m not… strong and tough like she was, generally. I’m kind of soft.”

Souko snorted, which seemed to startle Natsume. “Excuse me, who said that? Sounds like a rude old ass!” If they were old enough to know Reiko, they should be old enough to know better!

Natsume’s eyes widened, then he got a mischievous smile. “You’re right about that. It’s mainly this cranky old man I know. He loves to complain. He’s a glutton and freeloader”.

The cat suddenly hissed at Natsume, batting at his ankle. Natsume nudged him away with his foot without even looking down.

But Souko couldn’t even focus on the odd scene, not when her blood was boiling. It was absolutely ridiculous for anyone to think this boy wasn’t strong when he’d been through so much and was still trying so hard.

 “Well, there’s no reason to listen to someone like that!” She snapped. “Macho nonsense. Reiko was “soft” deep down herself.  She wouldn’t have looked after me if she wasn’t. You seem like a gentle boy, but that’s not the same as being weak, Actually, you have to be strong to show that kind of gentleness…to…to let you guard down and believe in people, when so many…!”

 She trailed off, flustered, seeing that Natsume was walking more slowly, chewing his lip and looking down. A flush spreading up his neck and face and his arms were crossed over his body like he wanted to hold his cat, (who now seemed to be glaring at her).

She was overwhelming him. There was so much else she wanted to say, like how it was the hardest, bravest thin to reach out to others in a world that could be so cruel, that Reiko might have envied him for the very things he thought made him “less tough”, that she hoped Reiko been able to let her guard down and show that same gentleness inside her before the end…but it was too much for him, she could see that. Besides, it wasn’t like she really knew how Reiko would have felt. She just knew what she wished for her.

“Natsume,”” she said again. He looked up at her. “You are strong. That’s all I wanted to say.”

“Thank you,” he mumbled, but she could tell he didn’t believe her. That was fine. Kana had once said a similar thing to her, when she’d apologized to her for crying too much, and she hadn’t believed it then either. But she’d realized that Kana was right eventually, and he would realize the same someday.

They walked in silence for a while, until they made it to the clearing she remembered so well.

It looked as if no time had passed. Staring at the rock and hearing the wind whistle through the trees, it was like a part of herself had never really left here. A little piece of her had kept waiting for Reiko, longing to see her, to apologize, to explain.

But it was over now. She knew she could never see Reiko again. There was no reason to keep waiting.

“Are you all right?” Natsume muttered. He was looking at the clearing like it was something haunted and empty. He seemed to understand its significance, somehow.

“I’m fi—” she instinctively said, but then realized it was bit hypocritical to hide her feelings after giving Natsume such a dramatic speech. “It’s sad but…this is where I met her. That’s the one thing I’ll never regret.”

She walked forward, brushing her fingers against the broad stone that had harbored her, the place where Reiko had slept by her side, where they had talked, where she’d driven Reiko away. It was warm in the summer sun. It almost felt alive.

Thank you,” she thought.“…And goodbye.”

She turned around and faced Natsume, eyes full of tears. “Let’s march on, shall we?”

Natsume glanced around, then nodded at her.

After they left the clearing and returned to the forest path, Souko started to hear strange rustling noises. She frowned at the thicket, wondering if an animal was following them.

“Do you want to take a break?” Natsume asked abruptly.

She wasn’t too winded, but a break was a good idea for Natsume’s sake. He looked tired. She sat down on a tree stump, and gestured at Natsume to join her. His eyes were darting around though, and he shifting a bit. “I need to…”

Suddenly the cat took off, and Natsume looked relieved. “I better go catch Sensei. I’ll be right back. Please wait here!”

He crashed through the thicket and disappeared before Souko could even reply. She jumped up in alarm. If there really was some sort of animal out there, it might attack the boy. She took off after him.

Natsume was much faster than he looked, and he could navigate the forest much better than her. The trees were dense, and she took a while to wend through him. But then she heard Natsume’s voice in the distance. More alarm shot through her. Had it been a person following them? Someone after Natsume? He didn’t sound scared, but…

She rushed forward, and soon saw Natsume through the trees, standing in a clearing. She was about to call out to him, but then she noticed something. No one else was in the clearing. Natsume was talking to the air.

“—understand wanting to see her, but you’re making so much noise that even she can hear.”

Natsume paused for a few seconds and then smiled. “I told you it was really her!”

Another pause. Souko’s heart beat rapidly.

“Really? Why did you think that?” Natsume titled his head. A few more seconds and then, “Oh. I think waiting probably just got painful. Or she moved or got busy…it could have been a lot of things.”

Another pause, and the boy’s face turned almost unbearably gentle. “Yeah. I’m glad too.”

Souko just stood there, her mouth dry, her mind whirring.

She remembered how both the boy and Reiko sometimes seemed to be looking at something that wasn’t there. She remembered that last afternoon she'd spent with Reiko, the heaviness on her shoulders and the chill on her neck. Reiko had suddenly shouted…she’d thought it was at her. But when she was sick in bed after, she’d started to wonder about that. She couldn’t stop thinking that Reiko’s eyes had been fixed on something behind her. Reiko, who’d always acted like she needed to protect Souko from something. Reiko, who’d was always so tense and alert. Reiko, who’d seemed like she lived in a different world sometimes…

It was such an impossible thing to believe, but she could feel the truth of it in her bones. Reiko and her grandson both saw and heard things normal people couldn’t. And whatever it was they saw, one of them was right here, speaking with Natsume.

It was apparently friendly, though. And it was…asking about her? It knew her? Had it watched her when she was a child? She shivered, rubbing her arms. Creepy but…at least Natsume seemed to trust it. And it wasn’t like this invisible thing could have introduced itself to her.

She was burning with curiosity now. She wanted to burst through the brush and ask Natsume who the hell this was and if it had known Reiko too and a million other questions. She took a step forward, but then she froze.

“Natsume Reiko is crazy. She hurts kids out of nowhere, she gets angry and yells at nothing, she’s a total delinquent. If you see her, stay away!"

“…It wasn’t their fault. I was a difficult child.”

Both Reiko and her grandson had spent their lives being hurt and ostracized because of what they saw and who they were. Souko was sure when they were younger, they’d told people about what they saw. But their honesty had just been repaid with rejection, anger, and mockery. That was why Reiko had kept it a secret. That was why Natsume had hid it from her. It was something painful to them, and something they couldn’t trust many people with.

She’d never earned that trust with Reiko. Maybe if things had gone differently, she could have. But she’d slammed those doors shut by believing in those silly rumors.

She hadn’t earned Natsume’s trust either. If she burst in there saying she’d discovered his secret, it might unsettle him. Even if she assured him she believed him, he might pull away, just like Reiko had.

He deserved to tell her on his terms. Maybe one day he would trust her enough to share this with her. But for now...

Natsume was still talking to the air and Souko thought she heard another voice too, a cranky middle-aged man telling Natsume to hurry up. As much as she wanted to listen in and figure out where that voice was coming from (she had a strong suspicion), she made herself turn away. Each step away was painful, but she wasn’t going to hurt another Natsume, no matter what.

As she walked back, she thought about Reiko’s cuts and bruises again…there had been a wound Reiko had passed off as a dog bite one time, though it hadn’t looked like one…the chill inside Souko deepened. Reiko had died young. So had Natsume’s parents. What if it wasn’t illness? When she met Natsume, he’d tumbled out of those woods, his arm jerking like something had grabbed it. He had bruises just like Reiko…those things hurt him too. Had they killed Reiko? Would they kill him as well?

And even if it was true, what could she even do about it? Her hands balled into fists, her nails digging into her palms. Nothing. She couldn’t do anything, not when she couldn’t even see or touch these things.

Maybe this was another reason Reiko had never told her.

Was there anyone who could help this boy? Whatever had grabbed him back when she met him had let go after all…there’s been that rush of air…something must have protected him. (She remembered the cat coming out of the woods…hmmm.) And he was talking to that one back there like it was a friend. They weren’t all bad, clearly. So maybe some of them were looking out for him?

 But what about humans? Did he have anyone who knew, anyone who could help? She recalled Tanuma and Taki. The way he’d said ‘the usual’ when they’d asked about the bruise, in a tone like they should know what he was talking about. And Tanuma…he’d been a strangely surprised when she said Reiko wasn’t sickly.

The memory of her last time with Reiko came back again, the suffocating feeling, the weight on her shoulders, the cold sweat…that had all been because of those things Reiko saw. No wonder Natsume got sick all the time. If Tanuma knew about that, it would be a shock that Reiko had been so healthy.

So Natsume, at least, had found people he trusted enough to tell. People who believed him. That was something. She smiled to herself, but there was a bittersweet taste in her mouth. She hoped Reiko had found the same thing before the end. Maybe she’d even met someone else who could see the and felt a little less alone. Whether it was Natsume’s grandfather, or someone else, she really wanted that for her.

Souko reached the spot where Natsume had left her. She still felt a little lightheaded. She leaned against the tree, panting.

“Sorry for making you wait!” She heard the boy’s voice and jerked her head up. He’d emerged from the trees and was wearing a polite smile, but it fell away when he saw Souko’s face.  “Are you okay?” He asked for what felt like the hundredth time today. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” Souko said with a tight smile, swallowing down everything she wanted to say. Sweat was still beading down her forehead, and her hands were still shaking a little, and of course Natsume had picked up on that. “It’s nothing. Hot flash.”

“Oh,” said Natsume in the tone of someone who’d heard the phrase before but had no idea what it meant and was too polite to ask. “Should we…” he hesitated.

“And I lose the competition? Not on your life.” She forced a laugh. “I’m fine.”

Natsume looked unsure but nodded.

She tried to make small talk with Natsume to keep what she’d seen out of her head. However, every time the roly-poly cat glanced at her, she couldn’t stop speculating about that eerily intelligent gaze.

A cranky old man, a glutton and a freeloader…

God, it was going to be hard to get used to all this.

Natsume was still looking at her with concern, and she couldn’t add to a child’s burden. It was infuriating, knowing she couldn’t help but…she breathed in about out slowly. Be an adult. She heard Kana’s voice stern voice, always there to ground her when she’d been freaking out about all the things that could happen to their daughter (or granddaughter, now). Focus on what you can do. Focus on being there for the kid right now.

“How much longer until we reach this special place you’re showing me?” she said in an attempt at a jovial voice.

“We’re almost there,” Natsume said as they emerged from the woods. He pointed at a tall grassy hill. “Just one uphill climb.”

“Our final challenge, eh?”

Embarrassingly, she did almost slip on the climb up, and Natsume had to grab her hand. She was panting by the time they reached the top.

But all distress was forgotten when she saw the field of brilliant blue flowers.

"This is what my grandmother wanted to you to see,” Natsume said quietly. “She wanted to take you here.”

A lump was growing in Souko’s throat and hot tears burned her eyes. “She…she did?”

She’d never seen flowers this shade of blue. It was like the sky was stretching out below her.

As she made her way down the hill, the memory tore through her.

“It’s azure. Just like your name.”

Reiko.

She let the tears flow, not trying to stop them. Natsume didn’t say anything. He just sat down with her, and they watched the flowers sway in the wind.

Reiko must have been listening when Souko talked about planting flowers. Maybe that was where she’d gotten the idea. You were always so much more tender than you let on, Reiko.

She wondered if the being Natsume had been talking to was here with them right now. It had to be the one who told Natsume that Reiko had wanted to take her here. Had Reiko told the creature that directly?

She felt so raw and exposed. She wanted to be angry at this thing for intruding, but Natsume wouldn’t have known about all this without it, and neither would she.

She lost herself in the endless azure, breathing in the sweet scent. There was a world somewhere where she and Reiko had gone here together. What would have changed between them?

When she closed her eyes, she could see it. Her teasingly putting a flower in Reiko’s hair, Reiko gruffly pushing her away, plucking the flower out of her hair and putting it behind Souko's ear instead. Souko carefully weaving a flower crown, telling Reiko how to do it, Reiko shaking her head but still watching Souko with care in her eyes. Their fingers brushing together. Souko blushing shyly, feeling Reiko's hesitancy as she took her hand...

The visions were so clear, Souko wondered if she’d nodded off for a second. But when she looked over at Natsume, still sitting there, he showed no reaction. He just tilted his head at her. “Is everything okay? Do you like the flowers?”

“It’s wonderful,” Souko told him in a rough, wrecked voice. She reached down, plucking one, cradling it in her palm.

“I’m glad.” Natsume’s smile was blinding. “I told you I wanted to show you something. It’s about my grandmother too.”

Natsume reached into his back. He scanned around, eyes narrowed. as if looking for someone who might overhear. Then he took out a scuffed old green notebook. He held it gingerly, as if it were precious cargo.

“This is…this is a notebook of my grandmother’s. She kept it because she wanted to continue the game she played with you. When she met someone, she would challenge them to a game, and if she won, they’d give their name and she’d…well…”

Souko read the label. “Natsume’s Book of Friends”.

“She wrote the names in here?”

“Yes.”

Souko snorted, startling Natsume. “That’s…so ridiculously, wonderfully Reiko. I bet she won every game.”

“She did,” Natsume laughed. “A lot of them got pretty frustrated about that.”

“Did…she stay in touch with the people who gave her their names?” Souko already knew the answer but she asked anyway.

Natsume’s smile fell. “No. She never went back to see them a second time,”

Souko swallowed. Because she thought I never came back for her. Because she didn’t want to be hurt again. She just made a good memory, and left before she could get attached.

Natsume seemed to know what she was thinking. “It’s not your fault. Honestly, without you, I don’t know if she would have even reached out in the first place. I think she…wanted to keep you with her, in some way. So she carried on the game you played.”

Souko nodded tightly. She reached out and touched the book. It was surprisingly sturdy, considering how torn and dirty it was. She could tell Natsume had tried to clean it up, but Reiko really must have put this book through hell. Reiko had always been pretty sloppy. Though, looking more closely, some of the tears on the cover seemed…no, she was being paranoid.

She realized she was brushing her fingers against the notebook tenderly and snatched her hand back. Natsume didn’t look judgemental though, his expression was soft.

“I can’t show you the inside, sorry. It wouldn’t be fair to those whose names are in there. I owe them their privacy. Also, please don’t tell anyone about it, I know my grandmother would want it to be private.”

“I won’t,” she promised, trying not to laugh. He was so damn responsible. He was acting like this book was solemn burden he carried…an then she realized it with a start. It probably wasn’t human names in this book. The “friends” Reiko had made…they were probably those creatures only she and he could see.

She bit the inside of her cheek. What did it mean, to be carrying those names? Was it different than knowing a human’s name?

“I wanted to show it to you, though,” Natsume continued. “Because it means a lot to me. It’s the only thing I have left of my grandmother”

Meaning his relatives had gotten rid of everything else Reiko had left behind. A wave of fury crested inside her. She’d never been a violent person, but if she ever met one of these people, that might change.

Natsume seemed to notice the tension, so she forced herself to relax. “Keep talking,” she said brightly, perhaps a little too much so.

Natsume nodded. “I…I’ve been seeking out the names in this book. And I’ve met so many important people because of it.” There was only a millisecond’s hesitation before “people”, but Souko had been listening for it, so she caught it. “Friends I could never replace. Some of them so…some of them I can’t even imagine what my life would be like without them anymore.” Again, because she was looking for it, she saw his eyes flick ever so briefly to his cat, who was frolicking in the flowers.

A pretty definite confirmation of her suspicions, but Souko barely cared. Her heart was squeezing tighter at every word Natsume said, and she thought it might burst.

“You stay in touch with Reiko’s friends, don’t you? You get to know them in a way she couldn’t.”

“Some of them,” Natsume said. “For some of them, it goes less well but...either way, I learn so much about Reiko through them. It’s as if I actually know her, sometimes. And if it weren’t for this…I wouldn’t have been able to meet her. And so many others.” He swallowed. “It sounds dramatic to say it, but this book changed everything for me. My whole life. And it would never have existed if it weren’t for you. So...thank you so much for connecting me with my grandmother. Thank you for giving me something irreplaceable.”

His cheeks were bright red. It must have been hard for him to say all that. Souko didn’t know what to say in response. Her chest was so tight, and so many feelings were warring inside her.

“I-I didn’t really do anything, though.”

“You cared about her. You talked to her and you wanted to be with her. That means a lot. For all we know, you might have been the first person who ever did. It definitely wasn’t something she experienced a lot.”

It was surprisingly blunt for him, and it was a punch in the gut. But Natsume wasn’t done. “I think part of her must have known that. That’s why she couldn’t let that memory go. And that was why she left something behind for me.”

Another lump in her throat. This boy was determined to make her cry at least 20 times today. She swallowed it down though. “Fine, you’re so insistent, I’ll take all the credit,” she said teasingly. “You really owe me, kid.”

 Natsume looked like he wanted to roll his eyes but seemed to stop himself at the last minute. Souko wished he could feel comfortable enough around her to fully be himself. But that was probably always a slow process with him.

“More seriously, I think you’re the one who changed your life, Natsume, but I’m glad Reiko could help. It means a lot to me to know she’s still” She looked across the endless blue. “She… changed my life too. When I first met my wife, Kana, there were a lot of nasty rumors about her at our university.”

 “Watch out for her” “She’s scary and violent” “She’ll try to turn girls against their boyfriends because she’s jealous that she can’t get one” “I even heard she does things to girls” “I heard she got a girl kicked out of college and disowned by her parents”. In hindsight, it was clear where all this fear had come from, but she had been too naïve to put the pieces together back then.

“If it had been the younger me,” Souko continued, “The one who was easily swayed by rumors, I would have stayed away. But because of Reiko, I knew I needed to form my own opinion. So I sat down beside the girl with kind eyes and asked to be lab partners. And by the end of that lab, I was in love.”

Reiko had taught her to reach out, to stay, while Souko had just taught Reiko to move on more quickly. It was a bitter thing. But Reiko had touched so many lives. Maybe one of them had convinced her it was okay to stay too.

She and Natsume sat watching the flowers for a long time in comfortable silence, as Natsume’s cat continued to chase grasshoppers in an adorable frenzy. Souko ended up dozing off, and when she jerked awake, twilight was dying the sky a faint purple.

She thought she heard Natsume murmuring to someone, but he stopped immediately upon seeing her wake. The cat was curled on his lap now.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” she yawned. Her back was aching fiercely.

“Don’t be sorry,” Natsume said. “I slept a little too. Did you have a good rest?”

“…Yes.” It would have been nice to say she dreamed about Reiko, that they got to see each other one last time, that she got to say goodbye. But if she had, she didn’t remember it. Still, she was content.

“Thank you,” she told Natsume, her voice cracking. “For showing me all this.”

“Not at all. I always wanted to go here myself.”

The boy truly didn’t realize what he’d done for her. She wished she could repay him. Especially now that she knew the horrors he was dealing with. But she was helpless, all over again.

Focus on what you can do. Kana’s voice echoed again.

“Natsume,” she said. “Would you like to come to a dinner with my family before we go? They’d love to meet you, and I’d love to give you some good food as payback for all you’ve done.”

“Oh, you don’t have to pay me back for anything!” Natsume flushed. “I couldn’t—”

“You can invite Taki and Tanuma too. Even the kitty’s welcome, I can make shrimp for him.”

The cat’s eyes went wide, and he started yowling, wiggling in Natsume’s grip.

“Sensei,” Natsume scolded. “I’m sure Tanuma and Taki would love to come, but all the trouble—”

“Natsume,” she said gently. “You said you’ve made a lot of friends through Reiko. I know it’s presumptuous, but if you want, I’d love to be one of them. My family would adore you, and I’d like it if this wasn’t the last time we saw each other. But if you’re uncomfortable with it, I won’t--”

“No, no,” Natsume shook his head vehemently. “I’d like that too. I’d like to keep in touch. I’ll ask Tanuma and Taki. Thank you.”

“Great,” Souko said with a laugh.

She took one last look at the field of beauteous blue.

She'd always wish she could have done more for Reiko. But at least they’d changed each other a little bit…and that small change had led to the birth of something new and irreplaceable. In her case, it was meeting the love of her life. In Reiko’s case, it was Natsume Takashi, holding that book she had left behind like a lifeline, making connections to those she abandoned, finding happiness and acceptance after being denied it for so long.

It was worth it, wasn’t it, Reiko?

She noticed she was still holding the little flower she'd plucked. She chuckled softly and put it behind her ear. Then she and Natsume Takashi started the long walk home.

A Million Almosts- a Natsume Yuujinchou Fanfic

Here's the first part of the little fic about an older Souko and her feelings about Reiko I've been writing. It might be a while before I have time to do the second part, so, I thought I might as well post it and try not to put too much pressure on myself.

I've finally put it on ao3! The link to the fic is here.

---

It was such a long time ago. Why can’t I just forget about her?

When Kana suggested a family trip to the pastoral paradise Souko had recovered her health in as a teenager, Souko had agreed happily. And they were having a lovely time. Her granddaughter loved running through the unspoiled nature, screaming her little head off. Her daughter was taking so many pictures that Souko wondered how she had any storage left on her phone. And her wife was just soaking it all in, asking Souko all kinds of questions about the time she’d spent here.

She should just be relaxing and having fun. It was silly how her stomach turned whenever she caught a glimpse of that forest, how she couldn’t bring herself to walk there with her family even though it looked as beautiful as ever, how she was so afraid of strolling to the next town over.

Why was Natsume Reiko still haunting her like this?

Of course, Kana noticed Souko’s sighs and frowns. Souko could never hide it from her when anything was wrong. “It’s been bothering you, hasn’t it?”

Souko flushed, ashamed. “I’m so sorry. It shouldn’t matter anymore. I just…I just want to know if she’s okay. I want to hope that her life got better after…me.”

 Was it hurting Kana, knowing this was something she still worried about? How could she even be thinking of the past, instead of focusing on her wonderful present? Why was this regret as sharp and biting as ever?

But Kana simply took her hand, rubbing gentle circles on her palm with her thumb. “Souko, you have nothing to be ashamed of. It’s natural to think about your first love, and it’s natural to want her to be happy. Did you think I’d be jealous? Honestly!”

Souko shook her head, eyes burning. “I know. It’s silly. I know you better than that.”

“I remember how relieved I felt I saw Emi again with that big grin on her face! I’d never judge you for wanting the same. You should go. You might not find anything, but either way, you’ll know you tried, and it will be a load off your mind.” Kana cupped Souko's cheek, gently wiping her tears.

Souko put her hand over Kana’s and leaned forward, kissing her deeply.

So here she was, strolling through Reiko’s hometown, her nerves jangling. Now that she was here, she wondered what she should even do. The chances Reiko still lived here were very slim, and the chances of Souko just running into her on the street were even slimmer. Should she go around and just ask random people her age about Reiko? What had she been thinking, honestly?

She remembered how lost and clueless she’d been when she first walked through this town as a child, trying desperately to find Reiko. Apparently she hadn’t changed much.

She was about to turn around and leave when a boy suddenly tumbled out of nearby grove of trees. He pitched forward as if he’d been shoved, fell head over heels down the grassy slope, and finally skidded to stop when he reached the sidewalk in front of her, knees and palms hitting the concrete. He hunched over, panting. Then suddenly his arm shot straight up in the air, and he cried out, jerking his arm like he was tugging on something. There was a gust of cold wind, one that made Souko shudder, and the boy dropped his arm. His whole body seemed to relax, but his breathing was still shallow and strained. He glanced over his shoulder.

The people in front of Souko had halted, and she could see people across the street staring too. A man in front of her asked if the boy was okay, and he nodded. Souko heard the boy mumble "I’m sorry.”  The man walked away quickly, giving the boy a ridiculously wide berth, even though the kid hadn’t moved from the ground and was clearly not actually okay. His head was bowed and he was shaking slightly.

Souko rushed forward, dropping to her knees. Her back protested at this, but she ignored it. “Are you hurt anywhere? Do you need to go to the hospital? I can help.”

“Thank you, but I’m fine.” The boy looked up at her and Souko felt like she'd been hit by a truck.

Golden eyes with curious cat-like pupils. Soft, fine hair framing delicate features. A perfect, carefully practiced smile. An ugly bruise on the forehead, and she could almost hear her voice saying “Don’t worry about it.”

“R-Reiko!” She gasped. She scrambled to her feet, stumbling backwards. The phantom of her first love had appeared, gleaming in the sunlight, looking just as she had the day she met her. What on earth was going on?

The boy blinked at her, stunned, and she came back to herself. No, of course it wasn’t Reiko. This was just a child who looked painfully like her. As impossible as it seemed, that was all it was.

She ran her trembling fingers through her hair, trying to appear calm.

“Sorry about that, you just looked like someone I used to—"

But the boy’s eyes widened and he looked up at her intently.

“You knew my grandmother?”

“Grand…mother?” she said faintly.

The boy’s expression had transformed from practiced politeness to something raw and eager. “My name is Natsume Takashi. Natsume Reiko was my grandmother. Did you know her?”

“Oh…” Souko breathed. A grandson. Of course. Reiko had grown old just as she had, and had a family now, just like she did. A combination of nostalgia and excitement rushed through her. That meant Reiko had people she loved, surely. Just like Souko had always hoped, Reiko wasn’t alone anymore. Maybe she was even happy.

 She couldn’t imagine Reiko as a grandmother, but she wanted to see it, wanted to see Reiko with her grandson, gray in her hair and a twinkle in her eyes.

She smiled at Natsume Takashi. “It’s very nice to meet you. My name is Morinaga Souko. I did know your grandmother briefly, back when we were teenagers. It was a long time ago though, she probably doesn’t remember me—”

Natsume Takashi let out a loud gasp, jumping to his feet so suddenly that Souko stumbled back again. “You’re Souko?! You’re really Souko?!”

“Er, yes?”

The boy’s face split into the widest smile Souko had ever seen. It was almost blinding, that smile, so different from polite one he’d worn earlier.

It reminded Souko of the first time Reiko had truly smiled at her, right after she gave her the blue candy.  It had been so warm, so dazzling, such a contrast to that empty, bland one she usually sported, the one that didn’t even reach her eyes.

That smile is the best thing I’ve ever seen, she’d thought at the time. I want to make her smile like that until it’s as natural as breathing to her, until she never needs to fake a smile again. I want to see that smile for the rest of my life.

She imagined, she hoped, that Natsume Takashi had learned his smile from Reiko. That she grinned at him like that all the time.

“I can’t believe it! I’ve always hoped I’d meet you one day!” The boy was practically vibrating with excitement, for some reason.

“I…I’m sorry, I don’t understand. You’ve heard about me?”

Just then, she was interrupted by a grumpy meow. The strangest cat she’d ever seen was stalking out of the grove of trees and down the grassy slope. Its head was enormous, almost the size of his bowling ball shaped body. She had no idea how that head wasn’t snapping his little neck—if it had one at all.

Natsume Takashi didn’t seem bothered by its appearance. “Nyanko-sensei!” he called out to it. Was that seriously what he’d named the cat? “Nyanko-sensei, look! It’s Souko! Can you believe it!”

The cat made a grumbling sound like it was actually conversing with the boy, and Souko couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing.

Natsume Takashi flushed. “Ah, sorry. That must have seemed strange…”

“I like talking to my cat too, don’t worry. But it’s like yours actually answers back! How cute.” Souko wiped her eyes, and a genuine smile returned to the boy’s face.

The cat reached the boy, and it climbed up on him and settled onto his shoulder, making her laugh more. But then the cat gave her a long look, its unsettling pitch black eyes staring a hole through her. She shivered slightly, and Natsume Takashi lightly bopped that cat on the head. “Sensei, you’re making Souko uncomfortable.”

Then he flushed again. “Oh, sorry! I-I shouldn’t be calling you that. I apologize for being disrespectful, Ms. Morinaga, I—”

“Souko’s just fine,” she told him. He looked disbelieving at this. “I mean it, you can call me Souko, your grandmother did. And what do you like to be called?”

“Oh, uh, people usually just call me Natsume. I understand if that’s confusing for you though, with my grandmother—”

“No, Natsume’s just fine. But could you tell me how you know who I am, Natsume? Did…” Did Reiko tell you about me? She wanted to ask, but then she got a tap on her shoulder.

“Have you not noticed all the people moving around you two? You’re blocking the sidewalk.” The woman’s tone was extremely nasty, a little over-the-top for the situation.

Natsume looked mortified and immediately started apologizing, but Souko simply turned back to talk to him. ���There’s a park near here, I think. Would you mind if we went there to talk?”

“Of course not! I’d really like to talk to you.”

As Natsume nodded eagerly, Souko noticed that the bruise wasn’t the only injury he was sporting, he had some cuts on his arm, long thin scratches, and his nose was bleeding slightly. His palms were scrape, and she imagined his knees were too. “We can also treat your injuries…I have some ointment and other supplies with me.” Her granddaughter was prone to mishaps, so she’d taken to keeping some medicine and band-aids in her bag.

Natsume’s cheeks turned a faint pink “It’s really fine. Don’t worry about it!”

Souko’s heart squeezed. He sounded so like Reiko. She’d always said the same thing when she’d arrived with random cuts and bruises. Like she was so used to such a thing it wasn’t even worth thinking about.

So Souko said what she’d wished she said back then. “Let me worry all I want. I just want to help you out.”

The boy looked a little surprised, but he nodded. The woman behind them cleared her throat, apparently incapable of walking around them, so Souko and Natsume got moving.

As she walked beside the boy, she couldn’t help but notice more similarities to Reiko. Little things she still remembered even after all these years. Like Reiko, this boy was incredibly alert. Not in a jittery way, he carried himself calmly just like she had, but whenever there was the smallest noise, his eyes would quickly flit in that direction. He’d scan around him, like he expected something to jump out at any minute. When they entered the park, he stared at an empty spot of grass for several seconds, even though there was nothing there, just as his grandmother had often done. He slipped into a casual protective stance, one she only recognized because she’d studied Reiko so intently in her youth. He shifted his weight, subtly shielding her, shoulders tense and eyes hard.

She’d always swooned when Reiko did this, but now she just felt annoyed that this teenager thought he needed to protect an adult from…whatever. She was getting up there, yes, but she wasn’t helpless. But she forced down her irritation. Maybe like Reiko, he wasn’t used to adults looking after him.

She sat Natsume down on a park bench, and he finally seemed to relax. She tended to him immediately, taking out her supplies. He looked sheepish, but submitted gracefully. She dabbed a little ointment on his bruise, cleaned his cuts, and put on band-aids on him. “I’m hope you don’t mind the dinosaur pattern. My granddaughter loves them”.

“I don’t mind,” Natsume laughed. His laugh was easy and light, another thing he shared with Reiko. Souko handed him some tissues, which he obediently pressed to his nose. She sat down next to him, and finally finished asking the question that had been burning this whole time. “How do you know my name, Natsume? Did your grandmother tell you about me?”

Natsume’s eyes lowered. “Not exactly. I…have something sad to tell you about Reiko.”

Souko’s heart sank. She somehow knew exactly what he was going to say. “Go ahead.”

“She…my grandmother passed away”.

Souko sucked in a deep breath. Her eyes burned. She couldn’t cry about this, it  would be silly to cry over this, she’d only known Reiko for a short time, so many years ago. But she’d always hoped that she’d be able to apologize to her one day. That she’d be able to see Reiko’s happiness and Reiko could see hers.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. Was it recent?” She hoped he didn’t notice that her voice was shaking. But the pity in his eyes told her he did.

“No. My grandmother died before I was born.”

Souko sucked air through her teeth. “How…how old?”

Natsume looked at her miserably. “I don’t know exactly, I’m sorry. I think it was probably somewhere in her mid-to-late twenties. Though it could be early thirties.”

“Mid to late—” Souko couldn’t help it, tears were falling fast down her face now. So young! So young! It wasn’t fair at all. Reiko hadn’t gotten to meet her grandchild. Reiko hadn’t been able to see her child grow up. She’s hardly had time to enjoy being an adult… Why did Souko get that joy, and Reiko didn’t?

Natsume dug around in his pocket and handed her his handkerchief. She was surprised at a teenage boy carrying one, but she took it and dabbed her eyes. Natsume looked at her sorrowfully.

“I’m…I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. Thank you for caring about her so much.” He said softly.

“But, if you never met her, who told you about me?”

Natsume hesitated. “It was…a friend of hers. I’ve been going around trying to find out more about my grandmother, talking to people who knew her. She told him what happened, and he told me.”

That was surprising. She wondered if Reiko had told him about her bitterly, angrily. She wondered if Reiko’s friend and her grandson knew how completely she’d failed Reiko. But even if that was the case, she was just glad Reiko'd had a friend to talk to.

“I need to tell you something else,” Natsume said, his voice suddenly urgent. She raised her eyebrows.

“What is it?”

“Reiko wanted to see you again. She came back to the forest the next day, and she waited the day after too. But then she assumed you weren’t coming back, and she never went back to that forest again".

Souko’s mouth fell open.

 “She…she did?” Souko squeaked. She felt like her heart was going to burst and rip a hole right through her. She clutched a shaking hand to her chest. “I-I wanted to see her again too, I wanted to apologize so badly, but I got sick. I was in bed for two days, but I did come on the third day, I swear I did.”

Natsume nodded, like he’d already known that, which was strange. But then he said, “When I heard the story, I thought it might be something like that. Reiko…she tended to assume the worst.”

Her tears were falling thick and fast now. She was absolutely soaking the kid’s handkerchief. “You’re sweet to say that, but It was my fault, if I hadn’t said what I said…All this time, I assumed it must have hurt her so much she didn’t want to see me again, it hadn’t even occurred to me that we’d missed each other.”

“You couldn’t have known. And Reiko didn’t begrudge you either, I’m very sure of that. It wasn’t your fault you got sick. I’m guessing you came as soon as you could.”

“I couldn’t even walk far without collapsing the first two days…I dragged myself there as soon as I could, and I waited every day for two months…” She started laughing uncontrollable, hiccuping so hard it hurt her throat. “God, it’s so incredibly stupid, isn’t it? An utterly ridiculous misunderstanding!”

“Did I upset you by telling you this?” Natsume said. He was looking over her face anxiously, like he could unlock a way to fix her distress if he concentrated hard enough.

“No, no, I want to know the truth.” Souko sniffled. Now that the shock was wearing off, a strange warmth was filling her. “Reiko really didn’t hate me? She still…wanted to be friends?”

“She cared about you a lot,” Natsume said softly. “I think if she’d learned the truth, she’d have felt just as distressed. But neither of you were really at fault. It was just bad luck…and Reiko just gave up too quickly. It wasn’t about you. She was just too used to being rejected.”

It honestly didn’t feel real, learning Reiko hadn’t hated her for saying that thoughtless, awful thing. That despite the stupid gossip she’d believed too readily and parroted so cruelly, Reiko had still wanted to see her. Reiko had cared. If they hadn’t missed each other, Reiko would have heard out her apology, and maybe even forgiven her…

Even after all these years, that comment had been one of her biggest regrets. She’d relived it over and over again in her mind, agonizing, wishing she could go back and change it. And Reiko’s grandson…her sweet grandson had lessened the weight of it all.

She wiped at her eyes one more time, trying to pull herself together.

“Thank you, Natsume. It means a lot that you told me this. Is it..is it all right if I ask you a little more about your grandmother?”

“Of course!” Natsume’s eyes lit up again.

Natsume’s cat—what was it, Nyanko-senpai?—had been watching them this whole time, almost as if he were listening to the conversation. But now he yawned, and settled down into Natsume’s lap.

“Is she related to you through your mother, or your father?” Normally she’d include “or are you blood related at all?” as her own daughter had been adopted, but this boy looked far too much like Reiko, it was obviously genetic.

“My mother,” Natsume said.

Souko wondered if Reiko’s daughter looked as similar to Reiko as this boy did.

“Would it be all right if I asked how Reiko died? You don’t have to answer if that’s too much.” But she longed to know. She hoped it had been something quick, something painless. She hoped it hadn’t been a drawn out, painful illness. And if it was, she hoped Reiko had spent that time with her family, getting all the goodbyes and love she needed.

Natsume’s face fell again, and he started fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie. She was about to apologize for asking, but Natsume said, “I’m sorry. I don’t know how she died.”

“Your mother didn’t tell you?”

“My mother died soon after I was born. My father died when I was young too, so I couldn’t ask him if Mom told him anything.” 

The boy spoke matter of factly, in the tone of someone used to saying this. Souko’s mouth went dry. Her chest ached.

Not only had Reiko died young, but her daughter had too? And her grandson had lost both his parents? It was awful, truly awful. If both mother and daughter had died young, was it something genetic? An illness? Would it happen to Natsume Takashi too?

She didn’t want it to happen, not to boy who radiated kindness the way Reiko always had, but who didn’t mask it like Reiko tried (and usually failed) to do, who was full of obvious love for the grandmother he’d never met. Who carried such a terrible burden, but still looked at her with gentle eyes and comforted her about her small tragedy.

 She was seized by a sudden desire to protect him, to rush him to the best doctors in the world, to fight anything that would dare hurt him. She knew Reiko would have felt the same.

But she controlled herself, wadding her shirt in her hands.

“I’m sorry,” she said again, trying not to let how upset she was bleed into her voice.

“It’s okay. It was a long time ago.“

She paused, her desire to ask more questions battling with her desire not to poke at this boy’s tender spots. He seemed to notice, because he said, "It’s really fine. Please ask any question you want.”

She nodded. “…Do you know anything about your grandfather?”

She said it far too awkwardly. It wasn’t that she felt jealous exactly…it’s just she wanted to know Reiko had been happy with him, the way she was so happy with Kana. She wanted Reiko to have gotten the love she’d deserved. She couldn’t help but imagine what could have been, and she wanted to be sure whoever this man was, he’d given her a better life than she could have…

“I don’t know my grandfather either. No one knows who he was. He wasn’t around after my mother was born. Reiko raised my mother on her own.”

Her insides went cold. Her hands started to shake.

“He left her alone?” The pure ice in her voice startled Natsume.

“I mean, we don’t know that for sure!” Natsume said hastily. “Something could have happened to him. I’ve been looking for information on him too. And uh, I haven’t been able to find much, but I’ve found some things indicating that he might have been in a…dangerous position? Possibly a dangerous profession? I can’t say much more, but it seems complicated. So he might not have…abandoned her. I’m hoping he didn’t.”

Oh, he better have died or something else like that. Because if he didn’t, I’ll kill him myself. But knowing she shouldn’t tell this poor kid about her plans to murder his grandfather, she kept her voice neutral as best she could and said, “I hope so too.”

She couldn’t imagine anyone having Reiko in her arms and not treasuring her, she couldn’t imagine anyone leaving her behind…well, maybe she couldn’t talk, as she’d abandoned Reiko too, hadn’t she? She should have tried harder to find her and apologize to her. She’d only gone into town to look for her that one time. It wasn’t like she could claim she hadn’t hurt her, that she would have made her happy.

But still, what kind of garbage man would leave someone as wonderful as Reiko? Leave her alone with no help raising the child he was equally responsible for! Why was it that Reiko had to endure abandonment, to care for her child alone, to die so young, while Souko was surrounded by love, had a wonderful family, owned a thriving flower shop—she felt like she’d somehow sucked all the happiness out of Reiko’s life, and stolen it for herself.

“Are you okay?” Natsume asked tremulously.

She forced a smile. “Yes. So, I take it there’s nobody else you can ask about your grandfather or her passing?”

“A few of my relatives might know, but I wasn’t in a position to ask them.” He smiled a bit ruefully.

Not in a position to ask? What the hell did that mean?

He seemed to notice her confusion and clarified. “I was passed around by relatives a lot when I was younger before I settled here. They generally didn’t like me asking questions or talking about…” he stopped, looking a little pained, and Souko’s heart broke for him all over again.

Reiko had never said anything, but Souko had sort of picked up she’d lived with relatives or perhaps even strangers who didn’t like her. Maybe she’d noticed the signs because she’d been dealing with the same thing. It wasn’t that her relatives had been cruel to her, they’d just been…not very interested, and sometimes exasperated. It was always made clear to her that they were doing her dad a huge favor by letting her convalesce with them, and she had better be grateful.

So she’d bent over backwards to please them, doing all the chores she could, anxiously trying not to make them feel burdened or frustrated. But no matter how she tried, it never seemed to work, so she’d gone to the forest to be alone at times.

Had Natsume Takashi’s relatives been the same way? What kind of monsters would refuse to answer the questions of an orphan who was trying to know the family he never got to meet? And “passed around”—so none of them wanted to give this sweet, thoughtful boy who’d been through so much a stable home?

“Your relatives should feel ashamed,” she said fiercely. “They should have answered your questions. You deserved the answers.”

Natsume looked briefly startled and then shook his head. “It wasn’t like they were bad people. I was just a very difficult child, and it troubled my guardians, so that made it hard to talk.”

The cat made a small “hmmph” noise, and Souko barely restrained herself from doing the same.

She suddenly realized who else Natsume Takashi reminded her of. Natsume was reminiscent of someone who wasn’t like Reiko at all. The way he apologized so quickly, for things that weren’t even his fault, the way he was always looking at her carefully, looking for any hint of sadness, anger, discomfort, and reorienting himself to make her comfortable, the way he made excuses for people that hurt him. He’d likely spent his life apologizing for existing, pushing down any unpleasant emotion, and blaming himself for the cruelty of others.

He was just like her when she’d been younger.

She could see the pain etched on his face when he talked about these relatives. The pain that was probably etched on her face, the same pain she’d seen in Reiko’s face.

What had they done to him? Anger flowed like molten lava inside her. Reiko would have never stood for someone treating her grandson like this. How dare they.

Natsume, of course, seemed to notice her anger and immediately tried to soothe her. “Like I said, the Fujiwaras- my foster family- are extremely kind. They’ve truly made me feel welcomed and cared for. I… don’t think I could ever repay them.”

Souko let herself relax a little. It was true he seemed happy. He had far more confidence than she’d had as a child, and he was calm and content. He may be eager to please, but he wasn’t desperate. And she could tell he really meant it about his foster family too. The affection in his voice was almost overwhelming.

She hoped Reiko had been able to find that kind of refuge. Even though it seemed more and more unlikely with every thing she learned.

“I’m glad to hear that, Natsume. You deserve it. And a child repays a parent by finding their own happiness. That’s all I want for my daughter, and I’m sure it’s all they want for you.”

Natsume grinned. “You’re very kind. I’m glad I could tell you what my grandmother wasn’t able to. I’ve always wanted to do that, ever since I heard the story.”

Now it was Souko’s turn to fidget awkwardly. “Well, thank you for finding it out and telling me. I can tell you really care about her, even if you never met. Going around researching her like this is a big commitment. Is it just because she’s your family or…?”

Natsume rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I…well, I found out she lived in this town and…well, we’ve got some similarities. Um, I think both of us lost our parents and lived with someone else. And you’ve probably noticed I’m a little…” He ducked his head, face going red as a tomato. “…strange.”

There was a slight shame in his tone she didn’t like. “All the best people are,” she told him firmly.

He let out a surprised laugh at this, and looked her in the eye again. “Thanks. It’s just, I know people felt the same way about Reiko, though. That people…said things about her.”

Myself included, Souko though ruefully.

“And well…I’ve found people who accept me. People who truly make me feel like I belong. I want to know she had that too. I want to know that, in the end, she was happy. I shouldn’t get to have all the happiness for myself.”

Hearing her own thoughts echoed back at her was startling. She and this boy truly had too much in common. But hearing him say it unlocked something in her. “You deserve your happiness. Reiko would want that for you, I’m sure of it.”

Natsume gave her a very gentle look and nodded. “You too.”

She looked away. So he’d noticed their similarities as well.

“It’s actually kind of selfish,” Natsume assured her, like it would be deeply wrong if she thought too well of him. “I think sometimes I wish for her happy ending because that means…well, all this will last for me too.”

“That’s normal,” she reassured him. “It’s normal to want that.”

He nodded slightly, rubbing his eyes.

She leaned back one the bench, feeling almost dizzy with all this information, and burdened by her guilt about digging so deep into this boy’s past. “I’m sorry, I know all those questions must have been overwhelming.”

“Not at all,” Natsume said hastily, before Souko could continue. “I’m glad you want to know so much about her. But um, could I ask you some questions too?”

Souko blinked. “Of course.”

Natsume ducked his head shyly, petting his cat.

“Well, since I saw—heard the story, I’ve always wanted to know if you were doing well.”

She’d expected a question about Reiko. Why was he interested in her? “Yes, I am. I’m very happy. I still get sick somewhat easily, but my health has improved a lot since I was a child.”

“I’m glad,” Natsume said, his eyes shining. “Can I ask what made you come back here?”

“Oh, I decided to take a trip with my wife and our daughter and granddaughter.”

She braced herself. The chance he’d turn disgusted and hostile was sizeable, especially in a small rural town like this. Even in Tokyo, it was a risk, and she’d endured responses like “I mean she’s not your real wife, you know. Even if you got married overseas, it doesn’t count here. Those little certificates you get from Shibuya and other places aren’t real marriages either, you know.”  And then there were the obnoxious comments where she had to force a smile and fend off with a light-hearted comeback. (“Wow, I would have never thought you were a lesbian by looking at you!” “Yes, sadly we don’t come with manufacturing labels.”). And even among those progressive enough not to say things like that, there was that moment of shock and awkwardness to contend with.

But there wasn’t even a flicker of surprise across Natsume’s face, it was like he’d already known this about her. “That’s great! I bet you have a wonderful family.”

“I do,” she said, still reeling a bit. Was she just really obvious when talking about Reiko? Or had Reiko…known? And somehow that had come across in when she told her story?

Well, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was this boy’s acceptance made her feel a little bit like Reiko would have accepted her. Even if Reiko had turned out to be straight (Souko was still unclear whether she was, she knew sleeping with a man didn’t confirm anything, she’d done that once herself, and her own wife was bisexual) perhaps she wouldn’t have shunned Souko.

“You seem so much more confident now too. According to Reiko's friend, you were a little shy back then.”

 “I was definitely a shrinking violet compared to her,” Souko chuckled. “But, I became an adult, I had to fend for myself and I learned some confidence. My wife bought out a lot of my confidence too. She’s just as competitive as I am, so I had to keep up with her”.

Natsume smiled, “So you still like to play games? Like you did with Reiko?”

“Sort of. I save the games like the pebble throwing one for my granddaughter,“ She laughed. “But after Reiko beat me when we were kids, I really sharpened my skills, so I still  play that a lot. Kana is absolutely obsessed with beating me. I keep telling her it’s never going to happen. Just like I’ll never be able to run as fast as she does."

With a pang, she realized that it would have been fun to have a rematch with Reiko. But now she never would.

Natsume had that tender, wistful look about him again. “Souko, I want to show you something la—”

“Natsume!”

The boy whipped his head around and then waved to two teenagers in the distance. A tall boy with shaggy hair and a girl with a shoulder length bob were walking up the park path, and they made a beeline for Natsume. As they approached, Souko noticed the shaggy-haired boy was squinting at her suspiciously for some reason, his eyes flicking tensely between her and Natsume.

“Taki! Tanuma!” Natsume said happily. “What are you doing here?”

“We were on our way to meet you! We’re doing a study group, remember?” the girl named Taki replied.

“But I thought that was later—” Natsume checked his watch and groaned “Agh, I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“Who is this, Natsume?” the boy called Tanuma said urgently. He was still looking at her with suspicion.

“Oh, this is Morinaga Souko! She was a friend of my grandmother’s!”

Natsume saying she’d been Reiko’s friend made her flush a bit. It was nice to hear, but it also didn’t exactly feel like the truth. But if Reiko hadn’t been a friend, what was she to Souko?

Souko was derailed from that train of thought by a little squeal from Taki. The cat immediately jumped off Natsume’s lap and ran for the hills with surprising speed considering it’s stubby legs and rotund body.

But instead of looking at the cat, Taki clapped her hands excitedly, beaming at Natsume and then Souko. Tanuma and Natsume looked flabbergasted by this, as if they’d just seen Taki throw away 100 million yen.

“A friend of your grandmother’s! Natsume, that’s so wonderful.”

Natsume smiled shyly. Taki turned to Souko now, and with a quick bow she said “My name is Taki Tooru. It’s nice to meet you.”

Souko responded likewise, still a bit taken aback by the girl’s enthusiasm.

“I lost my own grandfather, so I always treasure when someone can share memories and stories about him,” Taki explained. “Natsume, I’m so glad you can talk to someone who remembers her!”

Natsume shifted with embarrassment, but that soft sincere smile remained.  “Thank you. I’m really glad too, that Souko was willing to talk to her about me”.

Tanuma had stopped glaring at Souko, and now was looking at Natsume with such deep fondness that it was a little bit overwhelming to watch. Most of the tension had left his body too, though he still seemed slightly on guard.

“Natsume, you’re the one who’s been helping me out,” Souko told him. “It means a lot to me that you told me what happened to Reiko, and how she really felt. It’s wonderful to know she has such a caring grandson. It sounds like you have something to do with your friends, but if there’s anything I can do for you, let me know.”

Taki actually clasped her hands at this. “Thank you!” she said at the same time Natsume did. Tanuma unsuccessfully hid his laughter behind his hand. Natsume’s lip trembled like he wanted to start chuckling too, though he forced a stoic expression. Taki looked chagrined, but Souko patted her hand.

“I can tell you’re a wonderful friend, Taki.” Her eyes flicked over to Tanuma, wondering if she should say it was nice to meet him considering they hadn’t spoken, but before she could decide, he gave his own polite bow. “I’m Tanuma Kaname. Sorry I didn’t introduce myself sooner.”

“That’s all right. Nice to meet you, Tanuma. You can both call me Souko.”

Natsune rose from the bench, looking a bit trepidacious. “Um, Souko, how long will you be staying around here?”

“Another week.”

“Would you mind…would you mind meeting up one more time? I want to talk a little more. There’s a few more things I want to tell you about Reiko…and something I wanted to show you.”

“I’d love to!” Souko said and his face lit up.

They exchanged phone numbers and agreed to meet in two days. Tanuma and Taki told Natsume they could skip the study session if he wanted to talk more to Souko, but he shook his head. “I need to get ready,” he said cryptically.

Souko waved goodbye as the three kids left. As they walked away, she heard Tanuma whisper “what happened?” as he looked worriedly at Natsume’s bruised face. Natsume said, “the usual” with a wave of his hand.

 Tanuma didn’t look any more satisfied with Natsume’s flippant answer than she would have been, and Natsume seemed to realize this, continuing “Souko patched me up, actually.”

  “She seemed so nice!” Taki said, still elated. “A friend of your grandmother’s! How long did that know each other?”

A friend, she thought as the kids’ voices grew distant, as they walked further and further away. It had been nice to hear Natsume say it, and it was nice to hear Taki say it…even if it wasn’t exactly true.

She and Reiko were an almost. Almost friends. Almost understanding each other. Almost two girls who fit their broken pieces together. There were a million almosts, a million things Reiko could have been to Souko—almost confidants, almost lovers… almost Souko’s first rejection, her first heartbreak, the first time that confessing her feelings cost her a friendship….or she was almost Souko’s first kiss, first time, first awkward teenage romance. There were so many lives they could have led, so many paths they could have gone down.

But they’d both taken their own paths instead. And on Souko’s, she had her granddaughter waiting, waving a stick with chubby fingers, demanding to see which of them could throw the farthest. She had her daughter, who would complain about Souko coming back so late and remind her they were all going to a drive-in movie, and there was Kana, ready to listen to Souko’s story, ready to crow she was definitely going to win at Shogi this time, ready to cuddle close to Souko and ask for comfort when she inevitably lost.  She had her flower shop, the young girl she was training to take it over, her art, and her garden…

She could only hope Reiko had experienced something just as wonderful on her path. At least she could take solace that a little piece of Reiko was living on, in the eyes and heart of Nastume Takashi.

She wondered what the boy was going to show her.

---

And that's it for now! I hope the conversation wasn't too tedious, I was just caught up in thinking what Souko's reactions might be to all the tragic details of Reiko's (and by extension Natsume's) life. It would be tough to have all that dumped on you at once. I could dither over it more, but it's a fanfic, I'm not gonna burn myself out over it.

Hoping to do a very short part two and then finish up the whole thing with part three. I'll just see how people respond to it I guess!

Ao3 link refuses to insert, but again, you can find it here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63207607

[whetstonefires]

#4 please !

Now see this could be tricky, because generally if I don't get some key elements written down very quickly the idea flows away again and the 'yet' disappears, even if I remember generally what it was about, but I have one this time! I am still just enough plagued by this vision that it's not out of the question I'll go for the capture, but so far nada.

Idea was basically a Jiang family character study by way of modern au. (So tw canonical abuse.) I started from the reflection, in a modern au very high chance the Jiangs are divorced, because being a divorcee wouldn't necessarily ruin Yu Ziyuan in the modern world, as long as she was allowed to control the narrative enough that she didn’t look at fault, so it might be on the table.

Especially because modern views on child abuse are such that while she'd hold back more than she already does in terms of physical chastisement, Jiang Fengmian would also be under less societal pressure to not interfere in her disciplinary system too much, and both these factors mean he’s more likely to put his foot down.

So, concept: Jiang Fengmian, when his son is eight and his daughter thirteen, forces the issue of taking in his best friends' abused orphan child whom he’s just managed to track down in a nightmarish group home, probably leveraging the fact that wherever their money comes from it's mostly his, something he usually doesn't do, but she has always known he could, and been fucked up about it (reasonable) and hated him a little (less so) and hates him so much more now (understandable but still fucked up).

They were obviously still both pressured into this marriage by their families, because I literally cannot imagine them choosing one another of their own free will, and if they did that would be an au in an even more dramatic way than being modern, and no longer work as a character or relationship study as far as I'm concerned. I mean or it’s a cql-based au, but that’s not the version of this toxic marriage I find compelling.

Situation subsequently deteriorates to the point that when the boys are around twelve some outside party observes and is repulsed or otherwise upset by Yu Ziyuan's treatment of Wei Wuxian specifically--she's emotionally abusive to everyone in the family, canonically, and it harms Jiang Cheng significantly more than Wei Wuxian, which I think is also pretty explicit on the page, but she's more openly antagonistic about going after wwx because he's basically a proxy for her husband, whom she doesn't consider to be someone she's capable of harming.

And ofc in a modern family scenario, being abusive to your foster kid is more plainly personal misconduct than being unfair in how you discipline one of your husband's many students, even if it is his favorite. Which means she's very unlikely to chase him around with a whip, but whatever she does do will sting that much more emotionally.

Anyway the outside judgement provokes a more explicit confrontation than the last four years of maneuver and attempting to balance all the competing needs according to two very different standards. And the upshot is that by the time wwx is 13, the Jiangs are divorced. To avoid making a humiliating spectacle of themselves they present a weirdly united front in court and have a very smooth uncontested proceding, although the closed meetings with their respective lawyers involved a lot of vitriol.

Yu Ziyuan, despite having a smallish trust fund and probably a job of some kind, though one that's more prestigious than profitable like uh. Olympic fencing coach. Idk what they make but it's probably not enormous. She and Cangse Sanren probably competed in the same events back in the day.

Anyway she gets a solid chunk of alimony, the house, and primary custody of both her children, although Jiang Yanli is almost 18 at this point so mostly she just gets Jiang Cheng. Everyone thinks Jiang Cheng wants it that way, including sort of Jiang Cheng; he has this idea that if he has his mom to himself they'll finally have a good relationship, even though he's also terrified of being left all alone with her. He's complicated. Families are complicated.

Also she would never have forgiven him if he hadn't concurred that he wanted to stay with his mother because she was the only one On His Side.

Jiang Yanli ofc does not move out right away when she comes of age, in part because her brother needs her, but she probably does go to college, so she's only around part-time.

Jiang Fengmian, meanwhile, keeps most of his financial assets and Wei Wuxian, and gets his kids on the weekends.

So that's all setup for how you have this situation where Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng are entering high school--probably the same school, together, but no longer sharing the commute except maybe Monday mornings--and Wei Wuxian's primary residence is Jiang Cheng's dad's apartment.

It’s really chill. They get a cleaning service in once a week and eat a lot of delivery food, but they do cook at least once a week. The canonical thing where they largely agree about what’s funny and what’s right-or-wrong, and so forth, on the one hand really pops when there’s mostly no external conflict disrupting it, but also probably gains more complexity now that it’s not a thread of positivity fighting for its life against a background of drama. They get to know each other better than they ever had a chance to in canon.

Some of that isn't all that positive, because now they have the space to discover the places where they do actually have the capacity for friction, but both of them are very good at dispersing tension (I do tend to suspect jfm's dad was abusive he sure acts like it), and on the whole it's a good thing.

Jiang Cheng is going to have such a mental health crisis, and Jiang Fengmian is going to handle it so badly. Because of course when his son starts replicating his ex-wife's toxic attitudes and behaviors more now that she has primary custody, he’s going to feel guilty and like it’s His Fault, but he’s going to feel like it’s his fault that Jiang Cheng is growing up to be a shitty abusive person.

And even if he’d never say that the subtext would come through, in the assumptions he made when framing communications and so forth, as in canon, so the thing where Jiang Cheng’s father loves Wei Wuxian more than him, or at any rate likes him better and thinks he’s a better person and prefers his company, would wind up feeding into a self-reinforcing loop.

(Jin Zixuan's nasty public remark about Jiang Fengmian treating Wei Wuxian better than his own children hits Jiang Cheng significantly harder in this scenario, where he's being Tormented by the feeling that all his peers know his dad walked out on him for another son. Wei Wuxian's punch is therefore even more clearly primarily for Jiang Cheng's sake, although Jiang Cheng is probably more inclined to see it as being for his dad's. Jin Zixuan is about halfway between the Jiang kids' ages here, so he's a senior saying this shit to a sophomore.)

So that cycle builds to the point where Jiang Cheng would eventually have one of those rare moments where he resorts to actual violence, because his poisoned feelings are choking him so bad his rationality deserts him.

He’s not going to be nearly as close to actually murdering Wei Wuxian as he was in canon the night the Jiang Sect was massacred, because it’s a less extreme situation, but he still goes for the neck. So Jiang Fengmian is in his home office one Saturday about a year and a half into this new normal, and realizes the boys are fighting. He hears through the wall the accusation you stole my dad. He says to himself, well that’s terrible but interjecting myself into this situation would definitely make it worse.

Then he hears sounds of violence, and then an ominous abrupt silence, and updates that analysis.

And when he opens the door to the boys’ room, Wei Wuxian is being strangled. He’s not really resisting, which is because he’s made the call that that’s way more likely to get Jiang Cheng to snap out of it, and thinks it might make Jiang Cheng feel better to get it out of his system (because he does sort of feel like what Jiang Cheng is going through is all his fault, or at any rate is much worse as a result of decisions made for his sake) and is severely underestimating the dangers of choking, but looks to a third party like he’s already passed out and Jiang Cheng is still at it. Which is to say, it looks like a serious murder attempt on the brink of success.

So that sure made that situation worse!

So yeah that's my idea that I probably won't write but it sure has its teeth in me.

[keeps-ache]

in a cafe rn. this place is nice :>

[tulipe-rose]

Shinichi

Shiho

Yusaku

Yukiko

The brunette to her cherry blonde.

You can not convince me that Shinichi's eyesight is still 20/20 after all that strain (fireworks (where he was so up close I'm surprised he wasn't burnt), flash bombs, and straining to see in the dark then suddenly having huge headlights pointed at you. Did I say bombs?). The explosions that happen in his vicinity –mind you, he's usually at the heart of them–almost daily must have had some sort of aftereffect on his eyes and ears, no matter how small.

In conclusion, I AM AT YOUR DOOR AOYAMA, OPEN UP. YOU CANNOT DO THIS AND THEN PRETEND THESE PARALLELS MEAN NOTHING TO YOU WHILE YOU GO ON ABOUT SO CALLED TRUE LOVE. 'Shinshi is never going to happen-' I WON'T HEAR IT, ESPECIALLY NOT FROM YOU, AOYAMA.