#it was a becky excell one and i had such high hopes

[imaginaryberries]

Made a dairy free mac n cheese and it was shit :(((

[aurorawest]

Reading update

A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers - 3.75/5 stars

I hate myself a little bit for using this word to describe this book, but it's a meditation on modern (western) culture, the drumbeat of living a purposeful life, and, imo, the millennial condition.

It also, separately from that, made me think of the song 'New Constellations' by Ryn Weaver: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13EX7qGdUGI

The Secret Lives of Country Gentlemen by KJ Charles - 5/5 stars

This book features Gareth Inglis, a member of the gentry whose father shipped him off to his uncle when his mother died. Gareth never saw or heard from his father (who remarried and had another child) again, and no one knew he existed because his father was a piece of human garbage. Which meant I couldn't stop thinking about my former father-in-law, who had two sons from his first marriage whom he, as far as I could tell, never had any contact with after remarrying and having another child. Life imitates art?

Anyway, it's KJ Charles, so you pretty much can't go wrong. I saw someone refer to this as enemies-to-lovers and realized my toxic trait is railing against people who want to apply enemies-to-lovers to everything. Spoiler alert, this is not enemies-to-lovers. But it is lovely, and includes Gareth and Joss Doomsday (a smuggler) bonding over beetles.

The Adventures of Amina al-Sirafi by SA Chakraborty - 4.5/5 stars

It was no Daevabad Trilogy, but then again, I remember finishing City of Brass and being like, yeah, it was fine, I'll probably pick up the sequel at some point. It wasn't until Kingdom of Copper that I grew to really love the series, so I'm hoping the same happens with this. This book was a lot of fun, and the fact that all the characters were middle-aged was pretty delightful. I'm definitely excited to see where this series goes.

The Long Run by James Acker - 5/5 stars

Excellent YA book about two lonely jocks in New Jersey.

Feel the Fire by Annabeth Albert - 3.75/5 stars

His Accidental Cowboy by AM Arthur - 4/5 stars

Brida by Paul Coelho - 1/5 stars

One of the reviews for this book on Storygraph says it 'aged like milk' and I can't put it better than that. This is a soul mate AU where souls undergo cell division, essentially, and your soul mate is from your same base soul from before the soul split in half. Okay, great. Oh but wait, the soul always divides into male and female. And your soul mate is always someone of the opposite sex, even though that doesn't make sense because as souls divide again and again, that means there are a lot of people out there who came from the same original soul as you. Also, witchcraft? Also also, even though the book is called Brida and is ostensibly about the title character, her whole journey was really just to serve the unnamed male character, the Magus. This isn't implicit either, it's completely explicit. At the end it's like, 'sometimes young women come along to show men the way' (I'm paraphrasing but...not much).

This went straight to my give away pile, and I hated it so much that the rest of my Coelho books joined it (except The Alchemist).

Enlightened by Joanna Chambers - 5/5 stars

Or, For The Love Of God Please Give David Lauriston And Murdo Balfour A Break, And Preferably A Happy Ending.

They got one, btw.

Song of Silver, Flame Like Night by Amélie Wen Zhao - DNF

Honestly, the Mad Libs YA title should have warned me off of this one, but I always give my Illumicrate books a try. Cartoonish villains and protagonists I find myself liking less the more we get to know them. The prose is quite good but not enough to make up for the character deficiencies.

Solomon's Crown by Natasha Siegel - 5/5 stars

Blurbed by no less than Tamora Pierce (Song of the Lioness supremacy!), Rainbow Rowell, Freya Marske, and CS Pacat. Did I go into this book with insanely high expectations? Yes. Did it mostly meet them? Yes! If you're a Captive Prince fan, this one's for you.

Siegel tells us up front, before the book even starts, that it's a romance and not historically accurate. So don't go into this expecting a historically accurate love story between King Richard of England and King Philip of France. It is, however, a gorgeous romance. The world-building is top notch. Even if it's not totally accurate to the High Middle Ages, it feels accurate, if that makes sense? Siegel really captures the feeling of being in a different world. Lush writing, amazing sexual/romantic tension, lovely sad boys. Highly, highly recommend.

Daniel Cabot Puts Down Roots by Cat Sebastian - 4.75/5 stars

I docked .25 stars because it bugged me that they didn't move in together at the end. Idk, just felt too 'look, I'm subverting romance conventions!' Still good, obviously.

Like Real People Do by EL Massey - 4/5 stars

A very wholesome and low stakes hockey romance. I found myself often thinking that the interactions of the men on the hockey teams seemed unrealistic, but it was charming and sweet enough that I didn't care.

The book reads like fanfiction, which is because it was fanfiction—but it's in a mostly good way, not a bad way (*cough* All The Way Happy *cough*). Apparently the original version was Check, Please! fanfiction, which I am vaguely familiar with as a thing that exists. Apparently it's a web comic? Anyway, I enjoyed the book enough to pick up the sequel.

[ninjastormhawkkat]

The Definition Of A Name - Epilogue

"I should have found out sooner. I should have told you about Maddrix's ominous words. I SHOULD HAVE DONE MORE! YOU WOULD STILL BE HERE IF I DID!" Steven grieved aloud as he cradled his friends lifeless body in his lap. Steven looked up to the sky, the dark clouds reflecting the mood and atmosphere of this city. Steven now glared at the sky, tears continue to stream down his face. "That monster won't get away with this. I will make him suffer the consequences of actions." Steven spoke through gritted teeth. "I will make sure good will rise once again. You won't die in vain. I will make sure of that." Professor Terror then let out an anguished guttural sound as he wailed loudly in the empty streets amongst the dead. Mourning for those who should have never passed Years later An adult Steven beheld the most precious thing in his life in Fair City General Hospital. Tears of joy appeared in his eyes as he was clutching his newborn daughter. "High there little one, I'm your daddy." Steven cooed as his daughter was sleeping soundly in her father's grasp. "You seem very elated my love." A gentle tired voice called out. Steven looked up to see his partner Teresa sitting up. Although very well, she looked exhausted after many hours of going through contractions and pain to finally give birth to their child. Steven gave her a content smile. "I definitely am." He concurred. He walked towards Teresa and handed her their daughter who was still wrapped up in the hospital baby blankets. Both new parents smiled fondly at their sleeping child, resting in blissful silence. Teresa hummed a little before speaking. "So I was pondering something. You remember when I suggested naming our child Hope if it was a girl? Since you gave me so much hope when we first met." Steven nodded. Teresa continued. "I was thinking about making it her middle name. It sounds more lovely that way in my opinion." Steven made a small grunt of agreement as he began to gently caress their daughter's forehead. "If that's what you want then it's fine with me." Steven responded. "Excellent. Then what do you want our daughter's first name to be?" Teresa happily asked her partner. Steven looked a bit startled before turning to look at her. "Me..well I..uh." Steven hesitated in replying. It wasn't that he couldn't think of a name, he thought up of girl names before their child was born. But for the life of him his mind was drawing a blank on recalling what names he wanted. Just then their daughter gave a great big yawn as she stretched her arms. Her eyes slowly blinked open to reveal beautiful brown orbs staring quizzically at her parents. Steven stared wide eyed, frozen in a trance at the eye color his newborn inherited from him. Eyes that held a strong soul. Eyes that held the soul and heart of a hero. Eyes that Steven had not seen since... "Rebecca." "What." Teresa exclaimed, not catching what her partner just said as she was looking at their child. "Let's name her Rebecca Hope Boxleitner." Steven said, holding back a choked emotional tone. "Becky for short." Becky seemed to like that name as she giggled happily, reaching for her dad. Teresa smile softly in agreement then handed her baby back to her father. Steven once again caressed his close as Becky made happy gurgling sounds. Trying to grab her dad's nose. "I promise with all my heart, I will always protect you my little starlight." Steven whispered. Tears once more falling down his cheeks as his precious child.

@melodythebunny @erraticeris

[bluedalahorse]

Hi! Could you recommend some sapphic romance novels (preferably not fantasy or science fiction, because I'm not really into these genres)? I saw you mention that you read a lot of them!

Hope you have a great day/night 💜

Hi @impossibleknots! Thank you for the ask. Happy to do some sapphic book recs, and if you stay tuned for a post in response to my next ask there will be additional book recs as well.

So this is a list made to my personal taste—it may not be to anyone else’s taste. I’m aroace-spectrum with some slight sapphic tendencies, and a lot more aro than ace, so my taste for adult romance books tends to be on the explicit side rather than the sweet and chaste side. Like, I don’t wanna read books that are afraid of the part where the sapphic characters are attracted to one another and wanna act on it, you know? And sometimes I come across books that seem to be very afraid of bodies.

For YA, obviously my tastes are a bit different, and I prefer things not be explicit. (While also not like, hiding that teenagers have sexualities.) I’m including some YA sapphic recs because I’m fairly well-read in YA stuff and it never hurts to have more books.

Historical Recs

Pretty much any sapphic novel by Olivia Waite. You cannot go wrong with Olivia Waite! She usually writes in early to mid 19th century England. Her books hit a good blend of cozy and spicy, and the heroines are always doing something like, running a con to bring down exploitative industrialists or similar.

I just finished An Island Princess Starts a Scandal by Adriana Herrera and while it’s certainly got its over-the-top at moments (the butch duchess and the femme heiress do absolutely hook up in the butch duchess’s private box at the opera) it’s over-the-top in ways that I personally found fun. It’s set in 1880s Paris and both of the heroines are Latin American, and it’s interesting seeing the way the book shows the ex-pat communities and the artsy sapphic communities in Paris at the time.

Contemporary Recs

Cleat Cute by Meryl Wilsner is about soccer lesbians and as someone who imprinted on Bend it Like Beckham I recommend it very much. It had a surprise neurodivergence storyline I wasn’t expecting that took delight in all the same.

Honey Girl by Morgan Rogers is EXCELLENT. It’s more on the line between sapphic romance and coming-of-age novel, so some of it feels more character arc focused than romance focused, but it’s a great “young adult figuring things out” story.

Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake and For Her Consideration by Amy Spalding are not my top top tier recs but they do have charming ensembles of characters surrounding the story.

Young Adult

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo: I mentioned this on my longer recs list, but it’s getting a mention a second time because I cannot fathom why more people I know haven’t read it. Forbidden love in 1950s San Fransisco! Self-discovery! Family history! Chinese-American history! The Cold War! And I feel like it hits so many of the same emotional beats and complex approaches to characters that Young Royals does, so I’m determined that every Young Royals fan should at least try it.

The Love Curse of Melody McIntire by Robin Talley: Robin Talley’s written some not so good books over the years but I think she’s finally finding her niche with this one and with Pulp and Music from Another World. This book is set over the rehearsal of a high school theatre group putting on Les Miserables, and it’s told from the point of view of the stage manager who is NOT supposed to fall in love with one of the female leads but she does. Part of the book is told through stage manager emails and it’s truly hilarious if you’ve ever been involved with theatre in any capacity.

Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli: Becky Albertalli gets a bad rep for being like, the vanilla-vanilla cupcake with no sprinkles of LGBTQIA+ writing? Which is just not fair and it’s such a mischaracterization of her as a human being and a writer, and a lot of it also comes down to how her books have been adapted and marketed. I could go on about that but ANYWAY I like this book and how it grapples seriously with things like bi erasure (Becky’s drawing from her own life here) while also having silly college kids engaging in Antics and jokes about a giant sculpture of scissors.

…and that’s my rec list for now! I hope this list helps and that you are having a great day!

[jodilin65]

SUNDAY, JULY 30, 1989 I slept for almost 16 hours as I was exhausted and just spoke to Andy at work.

I really ought to study my Spanish. I could be great in only a few more months of study.

Jessie and I were gonna go shopping today, but her sister Melissa borrowed her car and never brought it back so we’re gonna try to go tomorrow.

It’s now 5:00, and I’ve had only 5 cigarettes since 8:00 which is excellent, but I really shouldn’t be smoking at all. Nervous is on his way over with a pack of smokes nonetheless. After he leaves I’m gonna go listen to music and just wait for Andy to call me back.

FRIDAY, JULY 28, 1989 We just had an awesome time at the beach. Andy said for me and Juliet, who also writes in a journal, to say hi to this book. So, as I started to say, we went to the beach at 9:00 and saw Tammy and Bill, but Becky and Lisa were asleep. Tammy needs to borrow a couple of hundred dollars. If I do lend it to her, I hope she can return it as soon as possible. I’m not rich yet. I still want to buy a guitar and a VCR, too.

It was pitch dark, and me, Andy and Juliet sat on the flat rocks and our rocks and the breeze was just beautiful, then it started to thunder and lightning and it lit up the whole ocean so you could see Long Island Sound. The most awesome thing about it all was that I sang one song after another, and I did great.

Later…

Another great day today and some great color I got, too! I saw my nieces and Tammy, who’s mailing me a thick 25” gold chain which costs $100 that she sold me for $50.

Last night, after I wrote, we called Nervous and just kept him hanging on the line forever. There were 3 different calls we made which will be for almost two hours total. Me and Andy would tell him to hang on and that we’d be right back, then we’d leave him hanging for 5-10 minutes. It was hilarious. I listened to about 7 songs on the box while he waited.

Is that a sucker or is that a sucker?

Later…

I called Fran who got in touch with me a few days ago and gave me his new number, and this woman named Bobbie whom he’s friends with. Bobbie and I talked for quite a while. She’s bi and has been married 4 times, and has basically given up on men. She says she’s been with 4 women, and just like the typical pattern of what’s in the cards for me, she wants to meet me. I mean, I can tell just by just talking to her that she’s typical of what I get. She’s on SSI cuz she’s afraid to leave her house. She can’t take the bus by herself. She’s on medication for nerves and just doesn’t sound too stable. Now is that typical of what I get, or what? Plus, she’s 48 years old and my height! Can’t I get someone taller and more stable? She says she’s feminine, hates butches too, and also can’t understand why women who hate men want to look like them. She’s Lebanese, feminine, has eyes like Gloria’s, wears makeup, skirts, and high heels, but has very, very short hair. I hate short hair, but she says she looks good in it cuz she has a small face. There have been some shorthaired women who were attractive, but overall I prefer long hair. I’ll meet her and possibly be her friend, but that’s as far as it’s gonna go. Plus, she’s probably not as feminine as she says she is.

THURSDAY, JULY 27, 1989 This is the day I was admitted to the Brattleboro Retreat in 1981. It’s been 8 years since that rather traumatic day. It still seems my past is something so embarrassing and humiliating that I’ll always have to live with and run around trying to cover up and hide from everyone all my life. On the other hand, I’ve become very proud of my background cuz I’ve come such a long way and have developed so many different skills and talents. Not too many people make it out on their own for 4 years after going through what I’ve gone through and being where I’ve been. Brattleboro and Valleyhead were like Alcatraz. You go there and you either come out dead or alive and if you’re alive, you’d better hope you’re sane!

Later…

Well, I just finished playing the piano, and believe it or not, I could play Can’t Stay Away from You, but my timing was way off, as usual. As far as the Canciones de mi Padre book, I got absolutely nowhere. I tried Por un Amor and La Ciggarra only to fuck up left and right. I did start composing Rooms on Fire, but first I want Andy to write me the lyrics. As far as sheet music is concerned, well, it’s much easier if I just compose and write the music myself on piano staff paper by ear. Obviously, this is why God and Nana and Pa gave me the gift of perfect pitch, so I’ll use it. As far as other songs I need to compose, well, there’s My Time Has Come, Carry Me Away and the last two songs I recently wrote which are On and On and Dreaming and Believing.

When I was jamming with Jeanie in #15, she played and sang me a song she wrote, and it was beautiful. She says she’ll give me a demo of it so I can sing it and play it on la guitarra.

I still need to learn the rest of Gloria’s tape and the Judds, too. Cuts Both Ways and River of Time.

I was teasing Nerve earlier over the phone. Andy was so right when he said, “What a sucker to take all that abuse and let you use him.”

Well, he’s got nothing better to do as desperate as he is and males are only good to use, but he’s always paid back.

I polished my nails white earlier and I need to put on the second coat.

Later…

Yes, as usual, I am still wide awake. I’m all hyped up about being here with Andy and Juliet. We’re staying at the Suisse Chalet. I still like Howard Johnson’s better with their indoor pool which is always fairly empty, free local phone calls and their restaurant. And here, in order to get to the vending machines, you’ve got to go outside. Ain’t that weird? What about in the winter? And what do the housekeepers do in the winter? There’s no door to a hallway, only outside. They have a huge outdoor pool here which Andy and I went in and it felt great. The ride down here was unbearably hot.

After we swam Andy and Juliet decided to go to the beach, but I just wanted to hang back. Especially after being up since 8:00 last night.

We’re gonna go eat dinner and all go to the beach later. I want to see Tammy and the kids. I already made the first call to Nervous. I’m just listening to Gloria’s new tape, but God knows I’ll sleep like a rock tonight. I’m just too hyped up right now.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 26, 1989 I’ve been busting my ass since work last night. I made almost $60 last night. We worked till 7:00, but we thought we only had to work till the usual 6:00.

I haven’t gone to bed yet. I watched an interview with Gloria’s on Good Morning America and her hair looked awful. I wish she’d leave her hair black rather than lighten it the way she does.

So, I also cleaned up around here and am doing some laundry which is now in the dryer. Can’t wait to have to carry it up here. All 60 stairs!

Tomorrow Andy’s gonna stop at Saratoga Drug so I can get my food stamps on the way to the beach. We’re going with Juliet, a good friend of Andy’s that he went to school with. I met her last fall when we all went to the Frontier. Juliet broke up with her boyfriend and is now looking to date women. I like her a lot and she’s somewhat pretty, but she needs to style her hair a bit, wear makeup and nicer clothes. Her clothes are so dark and dreary. She just wears jeans or corduroys and sweatshirts. Andy says she never shaves and very seldom showers. How gross. Not everyone’s into cleanliness, I guess.

Later I’m gonna have Nervous pick me up another journal and some coffee cuz I’m not going grocery shopping until Saturday. At least the laundry will be done, though, and my geek uniform.

I’m gonna call Janet at the dating service to see what’s going on.

Next time I make a deposit at the bank, I’m gonna get stamps if they still sell them. Shopper’s sells them. I haven’t been in there in a long time. Next time I get a prescription I’ll have to visit Monte and everyone.

I’m borrowing Steve’s guitar and it is awesome! Everything is so easy to play on this thing, including bar chords. It’s a $400 guitar. I’m gonna buy myself one for sure, and a VCR, too!

I hope my clothes are all dry. They should be. I’ll get them in 20 minutes, shower, then go to bed.

Later…

I fell asleep shortly after noon and got up at 8:00 to watch Unsolved Mysteries.

Right now I’m a little bored so I’m gonna learn the song Rooms On Fire by Stevie Nicks and try to compose it for Andy. He gave me the cassette single. It’s a time-consuming bitch, but I am in the mood with really nothing better to do so I’m gonna go take advantage of it.

THURSDAY, JULY 20, 1989 Well, I have been basically in a fairly good mood for the last 3 days, since I’ve been taking my meds every other day. I’d rather have a few twitches here and there than be a spastic bundle of nerves.

Last night I had a great time at work and made $44 without stealing.

The funniest thing happened to Andy and me tonight. We both got laid. But of course, I couldn’t help but get the opposite sex with my shit luck. It was with Mark.

Andy got this guy he knew from the last time he worked at Denny’s who’s married with kids but in the closet. He had this guy two years ago, too.

And with me, of course I can’t get a woman and always have to settle for a guy or second best. Me and Mark screwed around. All he did was lick me off cuz he was so huge that there was no way I could take him inside, and also no way I was gonna put my mouth on that thing. He never came, though. That was good too, so there’d be no white sticky shit all over.

I called the dating service with the intention of bitching them out, getting a refund, or taking them to court, but this sexy woman with an English accent came right out and bluntly told me Pam, the bitch who interviewed me, was fired for deliberately mismatching people with the opposite of what they wanted. I didn’t know she did this.

Anyway, I had a pleasant talk with the woman, whose name is Janet, and on behalf of Pam fucking things up, they’re gonna send 3 more people free of charge. I’m still hesitant, and my belief still remains the same; that it wasn’t meant to be and that God wants me to have sex with only unattractive people, but if I get just a friend out of this, then fine, even if it’s a lot to pay for a friend.

FRIDAY, JULY 14, 1989 Well, here we are on our way to the beach, but it is fucking pouring now. It was coming down so hard we could barely see.

Andy said to tell this book that we are now passing through Fartford.

It is still pouring.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 12, 1989 Work was excellent last night and a lot of fun, although last night it was one hell of a fucking bitch and I was threatening to quit. It’s better than being home miserable all the time, though, and the money is great which I desperately need. Last night I made good money considering the fact that it was deader than dead. Made $63, but stole one check, so it would’ve been about $45 or so, but that’s still quite decent. I had the most customers. I like sections 4-5 the best cuz it has the least and the easiest side work. Everyone hates section 3 with the salad bar. Andy and I are usually on alone from 4-6 cuz Bonnie and Suzanne are married with kids so they leave at 4:00. I haven’t seen Patty in a while. I think she’s on vacation. Robin might have quit, but I hear Libby definitely quit. She couldn’t handle it. God! I thought I was a wimp!

We got this new cook named Guy who’s pretty nice, so with him, Roger, Scott and Glen it’s a pretty damn good crew. Everyone has a great sense of humor, although Jayke sure can be a hell of a bitch, but she is damn good as a cook. She can get 10 orders up quicker than you can blink an eye. When she’s not cooking, though, or everything’s going her way, she’s a lot of fun and super nice.

Sometimes I’ll write about our regular customers but now I’ve got to go listen to music, finish my coffee, then go to bed.

MONDAY, JULY 10, 1989 Our stay at the hotel was fun and the funniest thing happened. Well, Andy and I couldn’t sleep so, assuming that a call outside the hotel would cost us, we harassed people in other rooms at the hotel and got caught. The phone rang and it was the guy at the front desk. We pretended we were sleeping and he apologized saying there must be some mistake.

Then before we left, we wrote this wacky, senseless letter to Cheryl, the housekeeper, mixing lyrics and whatever else came to mind.

Sure enough, though, as we were checking out, we found out there was no charge on local calls, after all. We could’ve harassed the whole town of Old Lyme.

So, the next day at the beach, we met up with Betty Ann L and her mother. I remember them from when I was a kid. They don’t go to the beach regularly anymore. We also found out that Betty Ann, who’s beautiful, had a younger sister who died of a drug overdose at age 21.

FRIDAY, JULY 7, 1989 We made it to the beach. Thank fucking God! We’re staying at the Howard Johnson’s instead so we have a bathroom and a shower.

I’m just gonna make this real brief then go to bed. Believe it or not, Andy’s gone to bed. The sun totally drained us. But it’s so good to feel so relaxed and happy. At the beach, I saw Tammy, Bill and the kids, and I can’t believe for the life of me how much Becky’s grown. She walks just fine now and her hair’s long, too.

I’m definitely darker, but I hope to get much more color tomorrow.

Checkout time is 11 AM.

THURSDAY, JULY 6, 1989 Well, I just got back from court and I have to go back again in October. It looks like this case will also get dismissed. There was this lawyer there that I’d seen many times before who was hideously ugly. I could tell he liked me by the way he helped me get my M&M’s out of the vending machine after they got stuck. He bought me more when he couldn’t get them out.

My lawyer’s quite ugly too, but seems nice. I dressed really well today in my new purple outfit and I know I looked good. Better than most women. Everybody stared at me.

When I got off the bus here, I spoke with Mark who was working on his car. I guess the idiot below me smashed his windshield. Mark and his brother want to kill him.

I wish they would.

Last night I had a spaghetti dinner at Mark’s and met his brother Tom and his wife Holly. They’re so nice and fun to be with. We laughed like crazy, exchanging jokes. We kept ringing the idiot’s doorbell, too. We tried to call but his line was busy. Today, after Tom and a friend of his painted all the porches, they threw off a tire that the prick had on his porch.

I really like Mark a lot. We have great talks like we did last night and we think a lot alike and he’s not the typical male, but I’m just not attracted to men. I need a woman yet I know I could never get involved with a man or a woman. I’m too hooked on fantasy, used to being alone, and will not be hurt again.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 5, 1989 Mark was here for about two hours and we had an excellent talk. He and I think a lot alike and we seem to share the same opinion on men, sex and life in general. It pleases me to have met another fairly decent guy. Especially one who’s my neighbor. He’s the type a woman feels safe having around unlike Jai who’s defenseless and rather wimpy.

Speaking of Jai, well, he and Jenny called tonight. I may go down to Charlottesville, Virginia where Jenny’s living for a few days by train, then come back up here with them.

I feel so stuffed up it isn’t funny. Even Mark and Nervous feel it, too.

I called Bruce around midnight and we chatted for about 10 minutes or so. He said after I called him he fell asleep till 4:00. Maybe tomorrow he’ll come over, he says, after work.

I really want to buy a new guitar and real soon, too. It’ll inspire me to play more too, one that’s easier, I mean. A nylon-strung one, rather than steel-strung.

I wonder if it’s busy now at work. Andy’s there now. I called Crosby earlier this afternoon to see if he needed help tonight and he said no, there were 3 people on.

I wonder if Maria will dare show up again. I highly doubt it.

This morning I got a prank call and I know it was either connected to her or the waterbed guy. A guy claiming to be Ed said he wanted to “cum right in my mouth.”

I said “Thank you,” and hung up. It was definitely either related to Maria or the guy who delivered my waterbed for sure. I’m not that stupid, cuz when a guy, no matter how professional he is, gets a girl’s number who’s gay, you know the first thing that’s on their mind is sex. I figured this would happen, but I can deal with it just fine and I kind of doubt it was connected to Maria. You never know, but I do doubt it.

TUESDAY, JULY 4, 1989 I’m so fucking pissed! I’m gonna scream at Jim! My money was never left in my mailbox and I just left a message on his machine. The longer he takes, the more messages he’ll get. And they won’t be nice!

Andy and I spoke earlier and he said he was going to Mary’s cuz she’s sick and wants to make her dinner. She came into Denny’s two nights ago. She’s as beautiful as he always told me she was.

Nervous just left a little while ago after I sang for him. I’ve been singing all day and am very happy to say it was pretty damn decent for a change. I just wish I didn’t smoke or was short of breath.

Later…

I just finished eating some fettuccini noodles.

I’ll be hearing firecrackers going off all night, but as far as I know, the city of Springfield is not having the firecrackers cuz of the budget cuts.

Bruce was supposed to come over today but never did and there’s no answer at his place. I knew this would happen and I’m not the least bit surprised. He’s so much like Al.

Also, Mark was supposed to come up with his daughter but never did.

It seems no one’s home. Jessie doesn’t answer. Emily’s not home either, but I left a message on her machine. Stuart’s in his usual bad mood.

Speaking of Mark, he just called and is on his way up.

MONDAY, JULY 3, 1989 Andy and I just finished talking and making some calls and crossing people. We were well due for some fun. We haven’t made any calls in over a month or so.

Last night was pretty hectic for a while at work. It was pretty busy from the time we went in till almost 3:30 cuz of the July 4th holiday weekend.

Maria was in again for the second time with her so-called boyfriend. I walked up to her and asked if she’d been to the Frontier lately and she said no, then asked me if I’d been there. I told her no cuz there are nothing but jerks there. Her. Then while her boyfriend said nothing, I bitched her out about never returning my barrette, telling her it had been a gift from my aunt. So then she asked me if I was having a bad day, and not to bug her about a barrette. Then she asked if she could talk to the manager. I told her that what goes around comes around, then I walked off.

So after that, Andy went up to her pretending not to know what happened and asked her what was wrong. She was literally in tears crying and she said, “It’s Jodi. I’ve got to get out of here before I smack her!”

Andy was really proud of me for standing up to the head player, and we were laughing so hard about it. Maria’s such an idiot.

Later…

It pisses me off that I’m still awake! I started to fall asleep till Jim called telling me he had my money after I called there and threatened him through his secretary. I told him to slip it into my mailbox. He said he would tonight.

We’ll see.

Nervous deposited $398 in the bank for me earlier. My balance is $1042 but with all my bills deducted it’s only about $675. I just paid for the gas and electricity.

Well, I’m gonna finish my coffee then try hard as hell to sleep and even harder to get up later. I wish I didn’t have to work tonight but it’s only one more night, not two like I thought. I called and checked. Nervous might come in tonight at around 1:00. If not tonight, then he said he would another time. He better not step out of line, though, and be all nerved up or I’ll kick him out for damn sure.

SUNDAY, JULY 2, 1989 I had an excellent night at work. I made a little over $50 and felt so confident and at ease. I did it!!! I am definitely gonna keep this job. I owe so much to Andy, though. If it weren’t for him, not only would I not play the piano like I do now, but I’d still be so lost with no one, no job, no confidence. He says he’s really proud of me and that he knew I wasn’t a weakling.

Jayke and Scott were so happy I didn’t quit and that I stuck it out and the managers are really proud of me, too. Also, last night both Robin and Libby treated me like gold and were such sweethearts. Pattie and Bonnie were off last night. So the night shift is just me, Andy, Bonnie, Pattie, Libby, Robin, Jayke, Rich, Scott and Glen. It’s an excellent crew. Sometimes when things get hectic, people get bitchy, but basically, everyone gets along and helps each other when needed.

I’m working the next 3 nights and deducting my rent and bills, I have about $500 and it’s only the beginning of the month! It totally blows my mind!

I’m definitely gonna buy a new guitar and a VCR someday soon, and go back and get that suit and possibly more clothes. Other than that, I’m gonna save most of it and let it build up.

I feel so bad for Andy, though. He doesn’t make shit cuz he’s a guy, though he does a damn good job.

SATURDAY, JULY 1, 1989 I didn’t enjoy work last night, though I didn’t feel nervous, knew exactly what to do, and did it well. I made $37 in tips, plus $44 in my paycheck, then towards the end, I waited on two huge tables with several people and ended up with another $20. So $110 in all is not bad at all.

Andy and I were gonna go to the beach today, but it’s a little cloudy, and also, we may be wide awake now, but in a few hours we’ll be exhausted, so we postponed it until next week. I need to catch up on my sleep anyway, cuz yesterday I got up at 8:00 in the morning, then last night I only slept for two hours.

Yesterday I had a great time with Mom and Dad. They told me to shop in McCrory’s and to buy anything I wanted and I bought almost $80 worth of stuff. I got these gorgeous outfits that look great on me. Three miniskirts with thick black waistbands and matching tops in deep purple, deep aqua and then one in black and white. I also got a sexy nightie, panties, nail polish, curtain rods, and also a real sexy half-shirt. I should’ve bought more outfits and I kind of want to go back and shop some more with the $20 they gave me. They didn’t have the pens I wanted or any journals. I got a really nice pair of shoes for $40.

Later…

Soon I leave for work which I’m not in the mood for, but usually, once I get there, I get in the mood. I don’t know how long tonight I’ll be working but I hope not long. If it is long though, the money never hurts.

Just a little while ago I went to the mall with Andy. I bought a really nice halter top with gathered material at the bust. It’s gold with big black polka dots. I also bought two more of those skirts with matching tops. One’s red with tiny white dots and one’s dark green. Last but not least, I bought two more of those snug half-shirts too, in blue and purple, and two pairs of knee-highs.

There’s this bathing suit I saw and liked, but I didn’t feel like spending another $25 and that’s what it costs, but I should’ve cuz I’ll make more than that back tonight. It’s bright green with fringes.

I’ve made out so well as far as clothes in the last two days.

Today, thank God, and thanks to Nervous, who carried everything up and down the stairs, I got all my laundry and even my blue satin comforter and brown blankets done.

The only thing that sucks about winter is that I won’t be able to wear all my nice summer clothes. No beach either. Winter’s a pain in the ass with sweatshirts, long pants, coats, gloves, hats and boots. Maybe I do prefer summer in some ways, but I still feel better in the winter.

[mittensmorgul]

So for the most part, I outright reject the finale. But I do think, in light of the whole "Jimmy was supposed to be in the bar, and Dean was disappointed by that because his perfect heaven would have Cas in it" just makes me all the more convinced that the final episode was some kind of djinn dream. Like.... There's no other explanation in my opinion. If Dean's perfect heaven was supposed to have Cas, and he tragically gets faked out by Jimmy (????? Why tf would jimmy be there anyway), it just proves that it's not ACTUALLY heaven. That, along with he El Sol beer he's drinking is all the evidence I need. I think after 15x19, Dean and Sam got whammied by some monster, and are stuck in a hallucination, and that's what we're seeing. (My headcanon is that it's actually The Empty doing it, because it knows if it doesn't keep Dean and Sam occupied and spinning in circles, they'll invade the Empty to save Cas. So its trying to prevent that) :)

Hello, anon friendo! I am gonna start by offering the socially distanced version of a high five, because yeah... There is just so much to unpack here, and you provided such a succinct and all-encompassing series of statements to start from. Thank you!

*flings open array of questionable suitcases*

First off, Congrats on having rejected the finale. I know a lot of folks are still struggling with that one, for many reasons. But you have hit upon so many of the points I’ve been trying to make about the finale since it aired. I’d just like to start with some of the assumptions I’ve heard from folks about the finale that make it impossible for me to consider it fully honestly canon. Because so much about it just makes no goshdang sense... like... not at all...

One of the biggest issues I have surrounding the reception of the finale in parts of fandom is that it portrayed a “happy ending.” The show itself spent the entire final season telling us that a gravestone marked Winchester was not and never would be a happy ending (thank you Becky Rosen-- words I never thought I’d say, but honestly and most sincerely meant). Let’s break this down a bit.

Starting from the assumption that “heaven was fixed” so that characters could have true free will there, making it satisfying in any way that Dean died so young and never got to truly experience happiness during life, I would like anyone who has adopted this attitude to then explain Kansas the band. I mean... explain that in any satisfactory canon-compliant way. (hint: you can’t. it makes zero sense in canon, if heaven is truly reformed and “happy” with everyone in possession of free will.)

Which brings me to Misha’s comments about Jimmy being in the Roadhouse. Why, if heaven were truly fixed, would Jimmy ever in a bazillion years attend a party for Dean Winchester? If Heaven were truly a “happy” ending for Dean, why introduce this element of eternal tragedy and heartbreak to his heaven experience? Why taunt him with the eternal loss of Cas-- even if you don’t think he reciprocated Cas’s romantic feelings, he was canonically the best friend Dean ever had, and being forced to exist forever in a place where he had everyone else he ever cared for except for Cas? Is frankly horrific.

How the actual fuck is that a happy ending, in any sense of the word?

How is this the sort of heaven that Dean would’ve made for himself before it was “fixed?” At least in the memorex heaven, he could’ve lived in oblivious peace with Cas, even if it was always just his own memories and not ~actually Cas~. I honestly think that would’ve been happier than the abject tragedy of what we did get, and what we would’ve gotten had the original script played out.

All of this kind of makes me wonder if they ever even actually defeated Chuck. Like... it feels more like Dean got pulled into the Empty at that moment with Cas and Billie, and everything else after that point was the Empty’s endless experience of sorrow and despair we knew it subject its charges to. So that’s one potential for what could’ve actually happened. I mean, everything about the finale was sorrow and despair, you know? Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his pie at a pie festival because Sam smashed in in his face. How is any of it happy, in any way?

Because if that was actually heaven, there wasn’t actually any free will (because why tf would Kansas the band have chosen to put on that concert? why tf would Jimmy have been there, just to torment Dean with the taunt of Cas returning to him only to have that hope snatched away again? It’s cruel. It’s, in fact, a source of intense despair).

The djinn theory could also work, and I’ve read some excellent fix-it fic using that as a premise. But that doesn’t really explain what happened to Jack (and Amara, since she was in there with them) after hoovering up Chuck’s power, you know? I think the simplest explanations in canon are that Chuck actually won via the unified power of Light and Dark being transferred into Jack and effectively using him as a vessel. With Sam and Dean convinced they’d won, they effectively stopped resisting Chuck’s story for them, and using Jack’s understanding of humanity and the Winchesters specifically, Chuck finally was able to implement a version of his story that the Winchesters would just waltz into without thinking it was supernaturally influenced at all. Going bigger and bigger with monsters and cosmic troubles hadn’t worked, but going so small Sam and Dean would barely even notice the influence-- even with the incongruous reappearance of a vampire that appeared in their lives once, for like two whole minutes 15 years ago, and an unsolved case from the journal from more than 30 years ago that John had never even linked to vampires at all.

At this point, I need to mention that I’m watching 10.23 as I type this up. An episode in which we confront the Mark, along with Death, and Dean’s despair, where he learns a version of the truth (but by no means the full truth, or even accurate truth in some respects) about Chuck’s Story, Amara/The Darkness, etc. That would unfold more fully over the next five seasons. And what was the case Dean took in this episode? Vampires. LOLOL omg this show is nothing if not horrifically consistent, yes?

So because of this, I went haring off through my own blog looking for a post I made a long time ago about the symbolism of how various monsters are used on this show (because again, consistency). I got sidetracked by other posts in my monsters tag, including this from after 15.09 aired, which feels particularly awfully relevant. This was my reaction to Chuck’s Story he showed Sam in that episode, about what the future would look like should he successfully trap Chuck with a Mark, and which... yeah is basically exactly thematically consistent with what we saw in the finale, right down to a cheesy twist on vampires. Read the whole post right here, but this is the part that reached up and punched me in the face:

this is how Dean personally reacts when he loses Cas. We know how he reacts when he loses anyone else– think about what he did when Charlie died. He went on a murder rampage against the Stynes for killing her. When Mary died he broke some furniture and went full bore toward both resurrecting her and stopping Jack. But without Cas, Dean loses the will to fight. Sam has… always been different. He referenced Jess in 15.04 to remind us of how he was after she died in the pilot episode. Just like John, he picked up the revenge mission and ran with it. But for Dean, Cas is different. Without Cas… Dean gives up.

Because... Dean gave up. Sure, he and Sam weren’t overrun by vampires in the end. Chuck knew they’d never stop fighting the monsters, one way or another. The only way to get Dean to give up is something Chuck hadn’t quite figured out yet... maybe not until after 15.17, after confronting Cas in the hallway of the bunker, after absorbing Amara’s power, knowledge, and perspective on Dean.

Chuck needed Dean to give up, and honestly? Pushing Billie to clear him off the table and send him (and Cas, that pesky angel who never did what he was told) to the Empty would’ve been a direct way to deal with that... pretty much akin to having one sibling locked in a cage forever, yes?

Also, still looking through my monsters tag, I’m reminded of 14.15, and still cannot differentiate the version of Heaven in 15.20 from what was done to the people of that town. This... is not... paradise. This is actively what Dean has been insisting is the OPPOSITE of paradise since like… 4.22… No ending where Dean was a “Stepford bitch in paradise” ever had the possibility of being “happy,” at the core of things, and this “fixed” version of Heaven just doesn’t hold up to any degree of inspection. Something is seriously wrong here. https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

And since I was unable to find the post I wrote who knows how long ago about Monsters and how they’re symbolically used on Supernatural to represent larger themes in the episode, I’ll just attempt to sum up what Vampires have been used for. Revenge. Vampires are always, in some way connected to themes of revenge.

(and hooray, I found at least a post adjacent to the one I’ve spent the last four hours trying to find... https://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/187207052080/i-obviously-did-not-think-this-through, where I mention that shapeshifters are about revealing hidden truths (mostly about Dean since most shapeshifters are connected to Dean), zombies are about grief and the inability to move past it.)

So why... why at the end of their road is the monster that comes after them-- literally FOR REVENGE for something that had never been blamed on Sam or Dean to begin with, from season 1, directly connected to John’s revenge mission and the first time they learned about the Colt AND the first time they learned in canon that Vampires were even real... like... this feels very specifically like some kind of layers-of-meta levels of shade on them, you know? Vampires are for revenge, so what vengeance exactly is being visited upon Sam and Dean in this episode? If not Chuck’s entire story for them itself?

So yeah, 100% agree, something is incredibly rotten in the finale. And I am sick to effing death of people trying to convince us that anything about this was “good” or “happy” or “satisfying” in any way. Or even “how it was always supposed to end” with Dean dead bloody, as if the entire back half of the series hadn’t been suggesting that a true win was the subversion of all of Chuck’s story for them, and Dean finally being able to have his chosen family all alive, happy, and chilling on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. Nothing will ever convince me that the ending portrayed in 15.20 wasn’t exactly how Chuck thought he “won,” rendering it entirely irrelevant to the rest of canon, unless all of canon was ultimately the tragedy we’d been encouraged to believe would be firmly defeated in the end.

Folks, you can’t have it both ways. 

[rhosyn-du]

Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter Six

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321​ Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue​ Tags:  Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Chapter Six

The irritation had been building all day, like sand rubbing under his skin, and it was especially irritating because Jace knew he didn’t have a good reason for it. Nothing was actually wrong, just a string of little frustrations that hadn’t let up all day, from the ancient coffee maker in their kitchen that didn’t start brewing when it was set to, meaning he had to go to his morning classes without any caffeine, to discovering he’d left his history textbook at home when his professor announced a surprise open-book quiz, right on through to missing his bus home and having to wait forty minutes for the next one, meaning he walked in the door with less than fifteen minutes before his friends were supposed to show up at his place for a group study session.

“Oh, hey,” Simon said when he walked through the door. “You’re home. I was starting to wonder if I got the day wrong and we weren’t having people over tonight, but then Bat texted asking if he should bring Spicy Ranch Doritos—which, obviously—so I figured you were probably just running late, which it turns out you were.”

“Excellent observational skills.” Jace tossed his bag onto the couch, not looking at Simon, and headed for the kitchen, intending to grab a beer from the fridge. Except when he opened it, there weren’t any left, and he realized he’d completely forgotten to go to the store the day before, because of course he had.

He slammed the refrigerator door shut, taking out his frustration on the appliance. It wasn’t as satisfying as he’d hoped.

“Everything okay?”

Jace spun around to find Simon in the doorway, watching him with an expression that held both wariness and concern.

“Everything’s peachy.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Simon said mildly. “You definitely use the word ‘peachy’ in casual conversation when things are going great.”

Jace took a deep breath, let it out slowly. “Look, I’ve had a shitty day, all right? I’ve had a shitty day, and we’re out of beer, and I don’t need you trying to get me to talk out my feelings or whatever it is you’re trying to do right now.”

“Okay,” Simon agreed. “What do you need?”

Jace blinked. “What?”

“You don’t need to talk about your shitty day,” Simon said, moving into the kitchen to lean on the counter next to him. “So what do you need? Lily’s bringing beer, so that’s already taken care of.”

It should have been a simple question to answer, but Jace wasn’t used to people asking what he needed. Jace wasn’t used to considering what he needed.

“I don’t know.”

“What about a distraction?” Simon offered.

“A distraction,” Jace repeated, skeptical.

“Yeah.” Simon was grinning as he hooked his fingers through Jace’s belt loops and pulled their bodies together. “A distraction.”

Jace licked his lips, dropped his eyes to Simon’s mouth. “People are going to be here in eight minutes.” He didn’t have any objections to spending those eight minutes making out with Simon.

Simon’s grin widened. “Guess I’d better work fast, then.”

And then he dropped to his knees.

Jace sucked in a sharp breath as Simon popped the button on his jeans. “What are you doing?”

“I know you’ve had a shitty day,” Simon said, pulling down Jace’s fly, “but you can’t be that out of it.”

Jace let out a soft laugh and let himself slump back against the refrigerator door as Simon took out his rapidly-plumping cock and worked him to full hardness with his hands and mouth.

He was used to Simon teasing, giving him almost enough and then pulling back until he was desperate with it. This was the opposite, with every touch, every lick and swallow driving him relentlessly toward the edge, the frustration of his day bleeding away as Simon blew him with expert efficiency.

In almost no time at all, Jace was struggling to keep his legs under him as he felt his balls start to draw up, and he was so close—

And that was when Simon, the absolute fucker, pulled off his dick to remark with far more casualness than the situation called for, “Did you lock the door when you got home? Because people are going to be here, like, any second.”

Then his mouth was back on Jace’s dick, swallowing him down like it was his job, and Jace was cursing because no, he hadn’t locked the door and any second their friends could walk in and see—Jace, desperate and falling apart; Simon, swollen red lips wrapped around Jace’s cock taking him apart—and that was—it was—

There was a sharp knock on the door, and Jace came with a strangled shout.

Simon worked him through it, pulling back only when a second knock sounded at the door. “Be there in just a minute,” he called, sounding far too composed for someone who’d just given fucking fantastic blowjob.

Simon stood, pressing a quick kiss to Jace’s lips before saying, “Somehow, I just knew you’d have a bit of an exhibitionism kink,” and heading for the door, leaving Jace to fumble his pants closed and try look like he hadn’t just had his brain sucked out through his dick.

“You all right, man?” Bat greeted him as he entered the kitchen, arms loaded with far too many bags of Doritos for six people.

“Uh,” Jace said intelligently.

“Heard you shouting and I figured you must’ve hurt yourself. You were pretty loud.”

“I heard you down the hall,” Maureen added from the living room.

“Yeah, just stubbed my toe,” Jace lied, heading out to the living room. “Somebody left his stats book on the floor, and I tripped.”

Simon flashed him a shit-eating grin. Jace had a hard time not staring at his lips, still red and slightly puffy. “You should really be more careful.”

“Going to go help Maia bring stuff up from her car,” Maureen announced, holding up her phone. “Be right back.”

“You do know,” Jace told Simon in a low voice, “that I’m going to get payback for that, right?”

Simon’s smile grew smug. “Yeah. I do.”

After an hour of going over his notes and rehashing the earlier quiz with Lily, Jace was feeling much better about his history class, and even had some ideas for his end-of-term paper. They all took a break when the pizza they’d ordered arrived, and Jace found himself squeezed between Lily and Simon on the couch.

“So,” Lily said around a mouthful of pepperoni and cheese, “you two ready for your big wedding performance this weekend? Please say no, because I’ve still got fifty bucks riding on you not making it through this without panicking.”

“Your concern is so touching,” Jace said. “I really don’t know what I’d do without such supportive friends.”

“Based on what I saw the night we met, you’d spend a lot more time getting drinks thrown in your face by girls whose names you forgot,” Maia said.

“I did not forget her name,” Jace protested. “I hit on her girlfriend.”

“Not actually better,” Maureen observed.

“Okay, one, I had no idea they were dating, and two, not my fault she flirted back.”

“Just try not to get any drinks thrown in your face at cousin Rachel’s wedding,” Simon said, patting his knee condescendingly. And then left it there, like it was totally normal for him to touch Jace casually like this in front of their friends.

“Would it be cheating if I bribed Simon’s sister to take someone Jace hooked up with as her plus one?” Lily asked.

Jace thought she really didn’t need to. He was already panicking.

“Yes,” said Maia and Bat at the same time Simon said, “Oh god, please don’t.”

“You guys are no fun,” Lilly pouted, reaching for another slice of pizza.

“Speaking of Becky,” Maia said with affected casualness, “I was wondering if you could tell her—”

“Give me your phone,” Simon interrupted, holding out his hand. This had the effect of removing his hand from Jace’s knee, and Jace tried not to miss it.

“Sure,” Maia said slowly, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “Why do you need my phone?”

Simon took the phone and pulled up Maia’s contacts. “So you just text my sister instead of asking me to be your messenger pigeon.” He passed the phone back. “Or call her. I’m not picky as long as I don’t have to be involved.”

Maia stared at the phone for a few seconds, then shrugged and put it back in her pocket with a sigh. “Yeah, okay. Fair. I guess I can, like, be an adult about this or something.”

“Good,” Simon said, his hand making its way back to Jace’s knee. No one else seemed to notice, and Jace tried not to react. “Please do it before Sunday so I don’t have to listen to Becky failing to be subtle about asking about you.”

Maia bit back a grin. “She asks about me?”

“Who wants to place bets on how long it takes Maia to actually call this girl?” Lily asked.

~~~

“Okay, you need to turn down the charm a little bit or I think Bubbe Helen is actually going to try to adopt you,” Simon said as Jace returned from his sixth dance with Simon’s grandmother. Jace didn’t think Simon needed to know that she’d used every one of those to grill him on his family, his plans for the future, his intentions toward her grandson.

“Just tell her you’re not into incest,” Jace told him, eliciting a gagging noise from Becky, the only one of Simon’s relatives still sitting at the table with them.

“Your boyfriend is gross,” Becky informed Simon, stabbing a spear of asparagus from her plate.

Jace grinned at her. “Simon wanted me to turn down the charm. I’m just trying to be accommodating.” He grabbed Simon’s hand and lifted it to his lips to kiss his knuckles. It was something they’d been doing all day, exchanging little gestures of affection like they couldn’t quite keep their hands off each other. Which was actually kind of true in Jace’s case.

It had started during the ceremony, Jace bumping Simon’s shoulder when he noticed him start to tear up during the vows. He’d meant it to be lightly teasing, but Simon had simply flashed him a watery smile and taken his hand, lacing their fingers together. Jace’s stomach had made an odd little flip and he’d squeezed Simon’s hand, and they just...hadn’t stopped touching each other. All through the rest of the ceremony and reception, it was a stream of constant little touches that made Jace wish for things he couldn’t have, and yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop touching either.

It didn’t help that Simon looked really good in a suit.

“That’s playing dirty,” Becky huffed. “I can’t hate you when you make my brother smile like that.”

“It’s all part of my devious plan.” He threw a sideways glance at Simon, hoping to catch the smile only to find him glaring daggers at his sister.

“Aww,” Becky cackled, “are you embarrassed? That’s adorable.”

“Embarrassed that you’re my sister? Yes.”

“Consider it payback for your presence throughout my entire adolescence.”

Jace leaned in. “Is there a story here? It sounds like there’s a story.”

“Dude, don’t encourage her.”

Becky leaned back in her chair, a predatory gleam in her eyes. “I have so many stories.”

“Oh, look.” Simon said, standing suddenly and pulling Jace along with him. “There’s Aunt Ruth. We should really go say hi.”

“I’ll still have stories to tell your boyfriend when you get back,” Becky called after them. “Jace, ask him about the llamas!”

Jace followed Simon, barely holding in his laughter as they ducked through the crowd of wedding guests, and then through an unobtrusive door that led out into an empty hallway.

“I’m so sorry about her,” Simon said, finally turning to face him and looking genuinely apologetic.

Jace shook his head. “Don’t be. I was having fun. I can see why Becky and Maia get along so well.”

“Because they’re both more than happy to tell embarrassing stories about me?” Simon joked.

“Can you blame them? It is pretty fun to watch you get all worked up.”

“You do seem to enjoy getting me worked up,” Simon agreed with a quirk of his eyebrows. “But my cousin’s wedding really isn’t the place for that.”

Jace glanced around the empty hallway. This was a bad idea. A really, really bad idea.

He turned back to Simon, a suggestive smile playing across his lips. “You sure about that?”

“Jace.” Simon’s voice was warning even as his eyes flicked to Jace’s lips and back up again.

Jace curled a hand around the back of Simon’s neck. “Because I’m not sure there’s any such thing as a bad place to get you worked up.”

“Literally everyone I’m related to is in the next room,” Simon protested. But he didn’t pull away.

“Fair point,” Jace conceded. He glanced around the hallway, then tried the nearest door. It opened into a room just large enough to not qualify as a closet. Jace raised a questioning eyebrow at Simon.

Simon looked dubiously at the stacks of office supplies that lined one wall, then back at Jace. “How are you so good at convincing me to make bad decisions?” Simon asked before grabbing him by the tie and dragging him into a kiss.

Jace grinned against his mouth as they stumbled into the room. “It’s my superpower. I got bitten by a radioactive advertising executive as a teenager.”

“Fuck,” Simon muttered, kicking the door closed behind them. “You can’t make Spider-Man references when I’m kissing you; that’s cheating.”

“Yeah?” Jace asked, pushing him against the wall that wasn’t occupied by reams of printer paper. “Does it get you hot when I talk nerdy to you?” He tugged at Simon’s shirt, pulling it free from his pants. “Or does everything I do get you hot?”

“Definitely not everything.” Simon nipped along his jaw. “Your ego, for example? Very unattractive.”

“Now you’re just making things up.” He slid a hand down to cup Simon through his pants, and Simon bucked into the touch. “My ego definitely gets you hot.”

“I know—fuck.” He rocked into Jace’s hand again. “I know some guys have trouble separating their egos from their dicks, but I never thought you’d be one of them.”

“Any association between my ego and my dick is well-deserved.” He tugged at Simon’s belt. “Don’t bother trying to argue. We both know it’d be a lie.”

“Yeah, that’s not actually how arguments wo—oh.” Simon cut off, eyes wide, as Jace dropped to his knees.

Jace smirked up at him. “I figure the best way to avoid staining your suit is if you come in my mouth. Unless you’ve got objections.”

“I have exactly zero objections to having your mouth on me.” Simon curled a hand around Jace’s jaw, drawing his thumb along Jace’s bottom lip. “Like, ever.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Jace flicked his tongue out to catch the tip of Simon’s thumb and reached to finish unbuckling his belt.

He froze at the unmistakable sound of the door opening behind him.

Jace’s eyes were trained on Simon’s face, so he saw the emotions play out across it in real time: surprise, then panic, then a slowly dawning horror.

“Bubbe Helen!” Simon’s voice just barely managed to avoid being a squeak. “Hi! We were, uh, we were just—” He looked down at Jace helplessly.

The thing was, Jace had always been good in a crisis. No, that wasn’t exactly right. He’d always been calm in a crisis. Probably as a result of having endured so many starting at such a young age.

So, his gaze and voice were completely steady as he took Simon’s hand in both his own and asked, “Will you marry me?”

He heard a voice behind him that sounded suspiciously like Becky mutter, “Oh my god.”

Simon stared. “Wha—uh. Yes?” His eyes flickered up toward the doorway, then back to Jace. “Yes,” he said more firmly. “I will definitely marry you, which is of course why you’re on your knees right now, and…”

His voice trailed off as Jace pulled his ring—his father’s ring, the only ring he ever wore—off his own finger and slid it onto Simon’s. It was a little loose, but not enough to slide off.

Simon flexed his hand, the fluorescent light above glinting off the brushed platinum. And then he was pulling Jace to his feet and into a kiss that held a decidedly hysterical edge.

The kiss was short-lived, interrupted by a very deliberate throat clearing. Jace kept Simon’s hand clasped firmly in his as he turned around, the metal of the ring pressing into his skin a reminder of what he’d just done.

Bubbe Helen was watching him with a decidedly unimpressed look. Behind her, Becky had a hand clapped over her mouth, smothering what could have been either an overflow of emotion or laughter.

“Young man, did you just propose marriage to my grandson in a storage closet?”

Jace pasted on his best facsimile of a sheepish smile and prepared to lie his ass off.

~~~

“Look, I panicked, okay?”

Outside, rain poured down in heavy sheets, obscuring the passing scenery and dampening any other sounds. It made the inside of the van feel cut off from the rest of the world, like they were alone in their own tiny, bubble universe.

A muscle in Simon’s jaw twitched. “You said that already.” He kept his eyes on the road.

Jace’s eyes fell to the steering wheel, where the soft platinum of his father’s ring still rested on Simon’s finger. “You didn’t have to say yes.”

Simon didn’t respond to that, and Jace wished he could see his eyes, could find even the tiniest clue to what he was thinking. He’d barely said anything since they made their hasty exit from the reception. At least Becky and Bubbe Helen had agreed not to mention Simon’s supposed engagement to his mom until he could tell her himself.

The silence stretched between them as Jace stared out into the blurry downpour. The one saving grace to all of this was that at least no one else knew about it. Their friends would never let them hear the end of it if they found out. And Jace’s family, god, that would be a disaster. Izzy would probably try to plan the whole thing and they’d somehow end up actually married before Jace could even explain the situation to her.

“You know,” Simon said into the silence, “I hated you before I even met you.”

Jace didn’t know what to say to that, didn’t know if there was anything to say to that. That was okay, though, because Simon kept talking.

“Clary’s been my best friend since we were kids. My mom likes to tell the story of how we met on the playground and spent the whole day trying to build a moat around the swing set so no one else could play on it, but I don’t actually remember it. I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t friends with Clary. She’s just always been a part of my life. The best part, sometimes.”

He took a deep breath, threw a quick glance at Jace before continuing. “So, of course I fell in love with her.”

The words hit Jace like a punch to the gut, and he was very, very glad Simon’s eyes were back on the road and he couldn’t see the jumble of emotions that Jace was sure were written all over his face.

“We were in sixth grade when I realized,” Simon continued. “I think I’d probably been in love with her for a while, but it just sort of hit me one day that I was just completely and totally gone for her. And it only took me like ten minutes after that to figure out that she didn’t feel the same way about me, but that was okay. I mean, it wasn’t. That kind of thing never is when you’re twelve.” He let out a mirthless laugh. “Or when you’re an adult either, I guess. But it was as okay as it could be because I figured I just had to wait. Clary was the most important person in the world to me, and even though she didn’t love me like I loved her, I knew I was the most important person in her life, too, so I just figured.” He shrugged. “I figured that eventually she’d realize that we could be, you know, more.”

His voice got soft as he continued, “And then she met you.”

Jace sucked in a sharp breath. “Simon, I—”

“I’m glad she did,” Simon interrupted, and he sounded like he meant it. “Even though it sucked at the time. Every time she mentioned you, I just wanted to punch you in the face. Which is why I always made an excuse not to meet you, by the way. I thought if I did and you really were as perfect as she described you, I would actually hit you.”

“I did always wonder about the mysterious best friend who was never around,” Jace said around the odd lump in his throat he couldn’t seem to swallow down. “She talked about you all the time.”

“Yeah?” Simon sounded genuinely surprised. “That’s actually really good to hear. And it makes me even more glad she met you, because her falling for you, even spending so much time with you, it gave me time to get over her.”

The knot in Jace’s throat loosened an inch.

“By the time you guys broke up, I’d actually dated a couple of people who weren’t Clary, and even though I didn’t feel as strongly for any of them as I did for her, I realized that part of what makes our friendship so special is that it is friendship. And I think we might have really fucked that up if we tried to be anything else, so I’m glad we never did, because my friendship with Clary is still one of the best things in my life, and I’m pretty sure it always will be.”

“Is that what you wrote Random Afternoon about? About you and Clary?” It wasn’t what Jace meant to say at all, but he opened his mouth and the words just came tumbling out.

Simon’s let out a soft huff of laughter. “No.” He shook his head. “It’s, uh. It’s not about Clary.”

Jace didn’t understand what was so funny, but he wasn’t going to ask. Just like he wasn’t going to ask who the song was about. Wasn’t going to think about why he cared so much.

“She was my first love, too,” he said instead.

Simon nodded slowly, digesting this information. “I wondered. I mean, when Clary used to talk about you, it sure sounded like you loved her, but once I found out you were, you know, you, I wasn’t so sure anymore.” He was fiddling with the ring, now, twisting it slowly around his finger with his thumb. Jace wondered if he knew he was doing it. “I didn’t think you were a relationship kind of guy.”

“I’m not.” That wasn’t what anyone wanted from him. Even Clary, who really had loved him once upon a time, hadn’t wanted him to stay. And even if someone did want that from him, he was pretty sure now that he wouldn’t know how to give it to them.

“And there hasn’t been anyone since Clary who’s made you reconsider?” Simon’s hands were still on the steering wheel now, his face impassive in the flickering light of passing cars.

Jace thought back to that night weeks ago, when Simon told him that maybe they wouldn’t be a mistake, and just for a second he’d thought—he’d hoped—but of course that wasn’t what Simon had meant.

“No.”

“Of course not. Stupid question.” Simon flashed him a smile, but there was a worried crease between his brows.

The last thing Jace wanted from him was pity, especially over this. “So, tell me about the llamas,” he said, desperate to change the subject.

Simon winced. “Can we just pretend Becky never mentioned llamas?”

“Nope.” Jace grinned. “If you don’t tell me, I’ll get Maia to ask Becky. I’m sure your sister would be happy to share.”

“You’re seriously the worst,” Simon said before launching into a long, involved story about his and Clary’s third grade trip to a llama farm and how Becky had thought it was hilarious to tell them that llamas were venomous.

“So, there I was, just covered in llama spit,” Simon finished as he unlocked their apartment door, “crying my eyes out because I thought was going to die, with Clary shouting at the poor farmhand that her dad was cop and he was going to go to jail for murder. And of course Becky didn’t even get in trouble or apologize. She just started getting me llama-themed birthday gifts.”

“Just so we’re absolutely clear,” Jace snickered, following him inside, “I’m laughing at you, not with you.”

“Which is one of many reasons I should have known better than to let you meet my sister. Speaking of which,” he pulled Jace’s ring off his finger and held it out, “I wouldn’t want to forget to give this back.”

Jace looked at the ring, then back up at Simon, swallowing hard. “You should keep it. Until we break up.” Something flashed in Simon’s eyes, and Jace hurried to correct himself. “Until we tell our families we broke up, I mean. In case you need to, I don’t know, sell the story.”

“Jace, I know what this ring means to you. I can’t just—”

“You can.” He reached out and closed Simon’s fingers over the ring, holding them there. “I trust you to keep it safe.”

Simon stared at him for a long moment, eyes searching. “Okay,” he agreed. “Until we break up.”

Something in Jace’s chest loosened, and he stepped back, letting Simon’s hand drop from his. “Cool. I’m gonna heat up some pizza rolls. You want me to make enough for you?”

“Sure,” Simon said. “Yeah, pizza rolls sound great. Cheeseburger flavor, not triple cheese, though.”

“Obviously,” Jace said, heading to the kitchen. He didn’t think about the ring, or how naked his hand felt without it. Or why it mattered so much to him that Simon agreed to keep it, if only for a little while.

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

mid-year book freakout

thanks for the tag, @batmansymbol!!

Best Book You’ve Read So Far in 2021? Oh no so many good ones!! Totally obsessed with Murderbot, so I'm gonna go with Network Effect by Martha Wells!

Best Sequel You’ve Read So Far in 2021? (I'm gonna try Not to answer Murderbot for all these, even though I really want to (and Artificial Condition was amazing!!), so:) The Galaxy and the Ground Within by Becky Chambers was a lovely end to the Wayfarers series!!

New Release You Haven’t Read Yet, But Want To? I have been waiting for K. Ancrum's Darling since literally the PW announcement years ago, and it's coming to me SOON. (Friday. Tracking says: Friday.)

Most Anticipated Release For Second Half of 2021?  I'm also super stoked for The Past is Red by Catherynne M. Valente, and preordered it back in....October......

Biggest Disappointment? ...oh, no, this one's a tie, too?? Uh. I really wanted to love The Gutter Prayer by Gareth Hanrahan, which had fantastic worldbuilding but....that was about it. I also had very high hopes for What Big Teeth by Rose Szabo, and was, likewise, let down :(

Biggest Surprise? So, it shouldn't've been, because I love Gideon and Harrow, but I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Princess Floralinda and the Forty-Flight Tower by Tamsyn Muir? It was definitely Different but also very excellent!

Favorite New Author? ...turns out I've read a lot of books by authors who I already know I like so far this year lol. So: Martha Wells!

Newest Fiction Crush? (I am Very Ace and Very Aro and have a Weird Relationship with the idea of Crushes so it mostly ends up "BEFRIEND ME?!" but!:) I really want to be friends with Murderbot and ART!!! And all of MB's humans tbh.

Newest Favorite Character? Are we shocked that it's Murderbot.

Book That Made You Cry? Both the books that have Gutted me so far this year have been Small (unfair): To Be Taught, if Fortunate by Becky Chambers, and The Only Harmless Great Thing by Brooke Bolander.

Book That Made You Happy? (It's still Murderbot. In my defense: I did read six (6) MB books this year). The House on the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune really was a very fluffy hug of a book!

Favorite Book Adaption You Saw This Year? Gotta second what Riley said--SHADOW AND BONE! I just reread Six of Crows at the beginning of the year, too (heisty book prep!!), so it was Very Cool to see the Crows specifically on screen. (Honorable mention to SWEET TOOTH, for having so many things that are Exactly My Jam!)

Favorite Review You’ve Written This Year? So I just realized books I LOVE get Very Short Reviews, while books I have Beef With get Very Long Reviews lol. My Gutter Prayer review is most thoughtful; my All Systems Red review is "I would die for Murderbot, and every time it called them "my humans," I started to cry. Five Stars."

Most Beautiful Book You Bought So Far This Year? Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon! The longer you look at it, the cooler it is!

What Books Do You Need To Read By The End of The Year? Oh, dear, So Many!! Uh. Actually HAVE to read, definitely, includes Little Red Riding Hood Uncloaked by Catherine Orenstein (for NaNo prep!) and Dead Astronauts by Jeff VanderMeer (which I'm in the middle of presently). I'd also very much like to read The Wolf and the Woodsman by Ava Reid, The Disordered Cosmos by Chanda Prescod-Weinstein, Road Out of Winter by Alison Stine, and I'd LIKE to try Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell by Susanna Clarke! Plus, y'know. Whatever catches my eye when it's time to build my little monthly mini-TBRs lol.

tagging (no pressure): @asexualbookbird, @six-of-ravens, and @gaywinemommarianhawke, if you wanna play!!

[almostreading]

March reading wrap-up because honestly, what even is this blog anymore? I sure as hell don’t know.

The water cure by Sophie Mackintosh

I had extremely high hopes for this because y’all know I love “feminist literature” (I absolutely despise that term but it is what it is). Girls stuck on an island meant to keep them safe from men after the apocalypse? Count me in. I was extremely disappointed, did not have a good time, the execution was just bad.

All the bright places by Jennifer Nieven

Read it solely because I enjoyed the movie and wanted to see what it was based on. Interesting and important take on mental health, easy to get through and had fun characters. Not a fun read though.

Permanent record by Mary H.K. Choi

I loved emergecy contact and boy was this one bad compared to that. I liked... the last 10% of it, where the main plot was already over and they focused on themes that would have made for a much more interesting book. 

Yes no maybe so by Becky Albertalli and Aisha Saeed

This started in a way that made me very hopeful with really good characters, but started slowly sliding into territory that I just didn’t like, though that might just be because of my general dislike for forced romance. The politics aspects was fun though, and I definitely didn’t hate it

Loveboat, Taipei by Abigail Hing Wen

Good! Shit! I usually despise love triangles but I was in it to win it with this one. I liked all the characters, it had good relationship and family dynamics and Character Development ™, which, though a little on the nose, was fun to watch. Also, reading about rich people is always a blast.

The Hunger games, Catching Fire and Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins, rereads.

No one really does it like her anymore, huh? Young adult books really peaked with this series and have never been able to be the same since. These are such no bullshit, not glorified actual dystopia that show all the bad shit with no restraints. The ending of the third book! I will never be the same since.

To kill a kingdom by Alexandra Christo

Easy enemies to lovers standalone fantasy, count me in. The audiobook was excellent, and though the plot was quite predictable and the book wasn’t earth-shattering, it was very entertaining. 

There it is. Do with it what you will. 

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/01/2021 (Wellerman, Fredo, Sabrina Carpenter, Billie Eilish & ROSALÍA)

I’ve never been more thankful for a song being this big – “drivers license” by Olivia Rodrigo spends a third week at #1, blocking “WITHOUT YOU” by The Kid LAROI at #2. Thank God. Anyway, we’ve got 10 new arrivals so let’s cut the chit-chat and start REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Of course, after this brief rundown we always do. Thankfully, the site actually updated last week, so I can go through this as routinely as possible. For drop-outs, it’s a lot of recent new arrivals falling out either off the debut or a few weeks after – most of them being pretty crap – but we do have some notable drop-outs, like “Forever Young” by Becky Hill, “Plugged In Freestyle” by A92 and Fumez the Engineer, “pov” by Ariana Grande, “Love is a Compass” by Griff, “Tick Tock” by Clean Bandit and Mabel featuring 24kGoldn, “Lasting Lover” by Sigala and James Arthur, and finally, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran. Now to move onto the chart proper, we do have some movement to discuss. Firstly, we have some fallers, those being “Dynamite” by BTS at #32, “positions” by Ariana Grande at #39, “Lemonade” by Internet Money and Gunna featuring Don Toliver and NAV at #41, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #43 off of the return, “SO DONE” by The Kid LAROI at #46, “Best Friend” by Saweetie featuring Doja Cat at #47, “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus at #48, “What You Know Bout Love” by the late Pop Smoke at #51, “Wellerman” by the Longest Johns practically being replaced at #52 (We’ll discuss this more later), “See Nobody” by Wes Nelson and Hardy Caprio at #53, “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone and Chip at #55, “Looking for Me” by Paul Woodford, Diplo and Kareen Lomax at #60, “Bad Boy” by the late Juice WRLD and Young Thug unfortunately purging to #62, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #67, “Pinging (6 Figures)” by Central Cee crashing off of the debut to #72 and “Diamonds” by Sam Smith at #74, joining our two returning entries – which are just older songs getting another brief pick-up at the bottom of the charts. Those are “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong and “Shallow” by Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper at #75 and #73 respectively, by the way. Oh, and we also have “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #65, but I honestly can’t see that song going anywhere – and I really like it. This doesn’t mean that we don’t have any gains, however, as finally, we can see some rising hits trying to fill in the cracks, like both of Rudimental’s debuts from last week: “Be the One” with MORGAN, TIKE and Digga D is up to #58, whilst the incredibly worse single “Regardless” with RAYE is cracking into the top 40 at #40. Sigh, well, we do have some more promising gains, like... “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals at #38? “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman at #37 off of the debut? Okay, 2021 might end up being pretty rough, huh? Thankfully, we have a plentiful amount of new arrivals to waive any of my fears, so let’s just start with those.

NEW ARRIVALS

#70 – “Overpriced” – M Huncho

Produced by Quincy Tellem

Oh, come on! Okay, so this is M Huncho, UK trao’s answer to the late MF DOOM, except without any of the lyrical complexity, storytelling abilities, genuine wit, charming sampling and production techniques, brilliant discography... he’s pretty much just a guy whose main gimmick is the mask, and it’s on this single cover too, seemingly in a museum. This song in particular is just one of these melodic trap cuts with wavy acoustic guitars blended with synths beyond recognition, topped off with odd bass mastering and a checked-out performance from M Huncho, who spends way too much time on his verses going “doo-doo-doo-doo-doo”, before the beat switches for a verse that fades out after like 20 seconds. What’s the point of any of this, honestly? It’s not awful – the bass does kind of knock – but I really don’t understand why this is here, or why M Huncho is a big name. It’s not even as good as AJ Tracey’s trap bangers and it’s not even as funny as D-Block Europe, which I’m surprised by, considering that he had his own stupid hit with “Pee Pee” around this time last year, and that song was actually good. Also, M Huncho, what do you think your fans get from you dissing them? If you’re going to brag about your “house by the lake” and then rap about how some unnamed individual “still lives at their mum’s in a council estate”, consider that a lot of your audience will still live with their parents in council housing or be surrounded by people who do. Someone who really came from poverty should know that this is classist and disrespectful to your own demographic. Yeah, this is worthless. Why’s this guy still charting? At least Young Adz knows how to write a hook.

#65 – “New Love” – Silk City and Ellie Goulding

Produced by Silk City and Picard Brothers

Okay, so we do have some energy on the chart – or at least half of the credited acts have. Silk City is a duo of producers, those being Diplo, a true weirdo in mainstream EDM who’s honestly kind of fascinating and oftentimes a fluke genius (especially in its work in Major Lazer and Jack U with Skrillex), and Mark Ronson, one of the greatest producers of the 21st century so far, probably most known for “Uptown Funk!”. These guys did have a hit together with Dua Lipa in 2018 in the form of “Electricity”, but it’s been a while and I’m interested to see how they work with the complete non-presence that is Ellie Goulding. It’s with some level of disappointment that I say that she’s not a non-presence here, as this is otherwise a pretty neat house tune with some excellent 90s keys and a deep-house groove I think is pretty fun. The strings in the pre-chorus are great and build-up to a fantastic chorus... or at least the instrumental is fantastic, because Goulding is a waste here, mixed way too high and honestly just faltering her vocals here. She sounds awkward through multi-tracking and even worse without it, as she clearly goes for a rough swagger that cannot work with her light, almost fairy-like voice she’s relied on much of her career. The intricacies of this production are really admirable, but Goulding was clearly an afterthought. With a real diva on vocals, or honestly just a sample of a soul or diva house track, this could be excellent. As it is, I’m bored. Next.

#63 – “Typhoons” – Royal Blood

Produced by Royal Blood

Oh, okay. Well, this is a pleasant surprise. Royal Blood are an English garage rock duo that rock pretty hard, and don’t go for anything else beyond that, which to me is a breath of fresh air, and, yeah, this is good. Is it as good as their debut? Of course not, their biggest hit “Figure it Out” is still incredible, and this one goes for a more synthesized 70s feel, even accentuated by disco keys in the pre-chorus. The riffs are still here though, as that main guitar line is pretty awesome. I see this as a mix of garage rock revival bands from the 2000s like the White Stripes, as well as some stoner-adjacent bands like Queens of the Stone Age, with a more classic hard-rock groove and Mike Kerr’s signature yelp, and it works for what it is, so I’m excited for that upcoming single. Nothing’s particularly impressive here, but I’ll definitely go for this over the rest of what we have charting, so I’m not complaining. This is good, you should check these guys out, even if they tend to be a bit derivative. That tense bridge with the looming background vocals and intensifying riff is genuinely epic, by the way, even if there isn’t much more of a pay-off behind just... the chorus again, which ends up rendering as flat as a result. Regardless, it’s a good break from the norm – which for a chart week like this, I’m especially glad is here.

#61 – “Your Love (9PM)” – ATB, Topic and A75

Produced by ATB, Topic and Rudi Dittmann

German DJ ATB was showing his girlfriend his new recording studio when he got carried away with a single guitar sound and made a song out of it, “9PM (Till I Come)”, named after the time the track was finished. Later on, he took the track and added some whispered vocals from Spanish model Yolanda Riviera. This happened in 1999, by the way, when this song was released to great success in Europe, leading to a hilariously dated album cover but still a UK #1. The song is honestly kind of bad, relying on a pretty typical house groove, ugly MIDI guitars and that seductive vocal loop. Regardless, since 90s nostalgia has come way too fast, Topic has remixed the track with A75, a collaboration we’ve seen before on “Breaking Me” from last year, which sucked. To be fair, the original song is pretty empty, so I’m interested to hear A75 add some vocals... and he just sounds pained over a deep-house rip of the original. The ugly MIDI melody stays, just now it’s drowned out and even more synthesized – this is the guitar sound you liked so much? I hope she left you. Let’s move on.

#59 – “My Head & My Heart” – Ava Max

Produced by Jonas Blue, Earwulf and Cirkut

Speaking of being bored, here’s pop singer Ava Max, with a new lead single from the deluxe edition of her debut studio album, Heaven & Hell. This one’s produced by Jonas Blue, which, alongside a redundant “Jonas Blue remix”, is probably why it’s charting. What’s sad is it’s not really very good, as the vocals are over-processed over fake hand-claps and clipping mixes that make those plastic synths sound even worse. Admittedly, I like the rubbery future bass-esque bass line here, but that’s really as far as my appreciation for this goes, as the writing is non-existent, and Ava Max is barely here. It’s honestly really similar to “New Love”, except this one’s not even as interesting as that track, going for an exhaustingly tired house-pop style that while she is a natural fit for, it does make the 2000s synth-pop she started with sound inspired in comparison. Oh, and the “Jonas Blue remix” is practically a glorified bass-boost that makes this sound even uglier, so, yeah, skip this.

#42 – “Apricots” – Bicep

Produced by Bicep

Bicep is a Northern Irish electronic duo from Belfast, and this is an instrumental from their most recent album, Isles, which clearly must have stood out enough for it to debut at #42. I can understand why too, as that sample from Hugh Tracey’s African music recordings, particularly the vocal sample used, is really infectious and interesting. I don’t think everything surrounding it is enough to really make it less annoying, as it running through nearly the entirety of a four-minute track makes this sample lose its lustre too quickly. It runs its course far before the song has the chance to build up into a house track, with that sample crushing everything that isn’t the percussion in the mix anyway. The keys are really cool, and I can’t fault the strings and ambiance that keeps the song building up for as long as it does. It also takes a sample from a Bulgarian folk choir, which they paralleled to the Celtic folk they grew up hearing, and honestly, this is just a cool blending of global music rather than an actually good song, ending with me respecting this more than actually enjoying it. The synths by the end sound fantastic as does the Bulgarian chanting, but it doesn’t really have a great climax or drop to make the build-up worth it, defaulting to a generic house groove by the end that fades out before it can have any real impact. So, yeah, this isn’t bad, but feels like a waste of some really great ideas. I guess I can say that “Northern Irish remix of an English ethnomusicologist’s recordings of African music that also samples a Bulgarian folk tune” isn’t quite as much of a developed idea as “Kazakh remix of an American rapper of Guyanese descent’s trap song in a Brazilian house style released on a Russian record label”.

#35 – “Lo Vas A Olvidar” – Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA

Produced by FINNEAS

It’s not often that songs in non-English languages chart in the UK. Whilst in the US, Latin music is such a force that it’ll launch hits for many Spanish-speaking artists, this isn’t the case in decidedly smaller Britain, where a still multicultural society tends to produce art that is always in English. To be fair, we don’t have a place like Puerto Rico, and the few songs I’ve talked about this year that have been in a different language... well, basically the one song I can remember off the top of my head, was in a Nigerian Creole language. So, why’s a Spanish song by Spanish artist ROSALÍA charting so high? Well, it’s also a Billie Eilish song, and it’s also from the HBO teen drama Euphoria. Yeah, a teen drama makes a lot of sense for Eilish to soundtrack. This has been teased since 2019, and is actually ROSALÍA’s first song to chart here in the UK, so is it any good? Well, yeah, actually, it is. Both Eilish and ROSALÍA have excellent whispery tones that complement FINNEAS’ muted, ambient production perfectly, and their harmonisation sounds great, with both singing in Spanish here for the most part. That chorus is pretty janky, though, and I don’t really see the point in the Auto-Tuned interludes, even if they both sound great playing off of each other with a lot of tuning in the outro. This is pretty minimal and dare I say awkward, kind of eerie, so I don’t see it sticking around, but as a longing break-up track, they both sell it well. Next.

#28 – “Skin” – Sabrina Carpenter

Produced by Ryan McMahon

Joshua Bassett’s response flopped immensely, meaning that now it’s Sabrina Carpenter’s time to shine, because if it’s anything she gets out of this Disney love triangle, it’s a hit song, and people clearly want to hear more from the women than they do from Josh. Telling. Now I’m not one to follow Disney teen drama because this is all a marketing gimmick. I mean, the songs dropped every Friday so anyone who can’t see through this is either blind or... a child, and considering the audience, that second one is more likely, which is fine. Popular music is, ultimately, in the hands of teenagers and record executives, and all of these break-up response diss track... things, tend to feed into both hands, whilst also giving these talented young actors a bigger break. This is Carpenter’s first charting hit in the UK, after all. The song is decidedly worse than “drivers license” though, and by a lot, as the mixing here isn’t even competent, as Carpenter’s voice clips through these ugly pianos, worsened by how her voice does not sound great here at all, as she struggles through that terrible chorus. She may say that this isn’t a response to Rodrigo, but given the lyrics and how quickly this rushed release was put out, are we really supposed to believe that? The percussion here is gross as well, drowned in bad reverb that makes this just sound grey and dull. The strings building up to a climax are barely there, and when they are, they sound like they’re elevating a really garbage performance from Carpenter, who can barely keep up. This is supposed to be a ballad yet it sounds so stiff and controlled, meaning that Carpenter trying to let loose on the vocals makes this awkward and painful. I’m sorry, but this is really bad, and I hope it doesn’t stick around. Thankfully, I don’t see that happening.

#20 – “Back to Basics” – Fredo

Produced by Dave

Lil Chocolate Frog’s got a new record out this week that I’ve yet to hear, and this is the lead single, produced by his long-time friend and collaborator, Dave – who’s awesome. I’ve typically been less kind to his mate Fredo but honestly, his ever so slightly off-kilter style has grown on me too, and this song is a pretty good introduction to that. It’s one verse over rattling trap hi-hats and a really eerie vocal sample, and Fredo flows casually and smoothly over the beat, in his typical careless, just barely there style, which works well over a pretty subtle beat like this. Fredo’s lyrics are pretty interesting here too, as amidst flexing and gun-play, he has some pretty funny lines, although far from Dave’s wordplay, rather relying on fun one-liners where he says he’s “kind of Christian”, doing revision on drug trafficking, will run for mayor, and because of how much of the gang violence is sadly amongst ethnic minorities, he himself is racially profiling his “opps”. One line near the end of the track actually made me laugh, when he says he counts up twenties while eating porridge. It’s not funny on paper, sure, but the delivery is gold. He shows more character here than he has since “Funky Friday”, also with Dave, so I’m pretty excited to hear this record, which Dave actually executively produced. It’s also got the late Pop Smoke on a track with Young Adz, so at least I’ll let out more of those laughs. This lead single is pretty good though, and I can see it going top 10 next week with the album boost.

#3 – “Wellerman – Sea Shanty” (220 KID x Billen Ted Remix) – Nathan Evans

Produced by Saltwaves, Billen Ted and 220 KID

Last week, the sea shanty “Wellerman” charted as a cover by the Longest Johns. It’s a fine acapella cover, and this version, by Nathan Evans, was originally similarly acapella, except for the tap of a table as percussion to keep time. This version got even more viral on British TikTok, and if I recall correctly, he quit his job to be signed by Polydor, which is pretty scummy on Polydor’s part. I mean, you know this guy won’t have any more hits. Regardless, this version debuted at #3 thanks to a remix by DJs 220 KID and Billen Ted, three English producers. According to their Spotify duo, Billen Ted used to be a death metal band of all things but then transitioned into writing for dance-pop tunes, and have worked with 220 KID, even if this is technically only their second single. This remix is actually pretty cool to be honest, as it takes the original track and adds some needed energy, mostly through this generic 90s house beat and some admittedly really nice pianos. It’s nothing special, and I would usually criticise something this generic, but the song’s not even two minutes and it’s a pretty inoffensive remix that genuinely adds to the original song through that brilliant flip of the original hook melody in the drop, so I can’t complain. This won’t last, but I’m not mad that it’s here.

Conclusion

I’m actually somewhat pleased with this chart week, which I wasn’t expecting initially, as you can probably tell from my above cynicism. Regardless, we’ve got some variety here (though I don’t see much of it sticking) and I’ll give Best of the Week to Royal Blood for “Typhoons”, with a tied Honourable Mention for “Back to Basics” by Fredo, and, God damn it, “Wellerman” by Nathan Evans and remixed by 220 KID and Billen Ted. Shut up, it’s fun! Worst of the Week will probably go to Sabrina Carpenter’s “Skin”, with a Dishonourable Mention for the complete lack of effort that is M Huncho’s “Overpriced”, just being mildly offensive if anything. Here’s our top 10:

For next week, I mean, a girl can hope for some Weezer, but it’s more likely that we’ll be met with a Fredo album bomb and some scattered efforts from that middling Lil Durk deluxe edition. For now though, you can follow me @cactusinthebank for more ramblings and thanks for reading. I’ll see you next week.

[lifblogs]

Title: Livin In You: Chapter 6

Rating: Explicit (for later chapters)

Pairing: Destiel (they’ll be meeting soon!)

Word Count: 1500

Summary: Castiel is a mental health worker who is just fine with the way his life is. The only thing that really bugs him is how much his co-worker, and friend, Meg, mentions Dean Winchester, the most famous rock star in the modern age. Meg drags him to a concert, and he ends up getting tied into the wild and angsty life of Dean Winchester. Suddenly his old life seems boring, but so much calmer. Suddenly, it matters to him that he's still a virgin. Suddenly, this rock star that he despised the mention of, now matters to him.

Dean Winchester is a rockstar who's on top of the world when it comes to music. Yet there's more that he wants. He misses Lisa and Ben, he craves connection, craves being himself. Any hope for that amidst his alcoholic life all changes when Zachariah, the head exec of Heaven's Records, pairs with a new exec, Michael Edlund -- the Archangel of Music. Under Michael's dominance, he's no longer in control of his own life. There are rules. No more sex with fans. No more alcohol. And in Dean's view, no more god damn free will. Yet he stumbled into Castiel.

A/N: This chapter contains alcoholism, violence, and mentions of abuse.

Tagging: @evilwriter37, @becky-srs

Anyone else, feel free to let me know if you want to be tagged! Always happy to have more readers. :D

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

“Though the sounds of someday / May be home! / Though the sounds of someday / May be be home, ay!”

Sweat glistening on his skin, but not ruining the various bronzers that had been put on him, Dean brought his running, and his dancing to a stop, and he stood, blocking out the crowd, just listening to the guitar as he strummed, just waiting for the right moment. His soul seemed like it could fly, and he was on top of the world, and as he took in the breath to finish this song, he knew that he was high on life. It could take him anywhere.

“And though the sounds of someday / May be home, ooh!”

Dean let the last notes hang in the air, simply mesmerized with the tune of his own song, with the depth and lightness of his voice.

Finally, he finished the concert, and the fans went wild. Dean came back to himself, beaming, still feeling as though music was pounding through his body.

“Thank you, everybody!” he screamed. “You’ve been a great crowd! Whoo! Kansas City!”

After more moments of adoration, Dean’s handlers were behind the curtain, beckoning him to come off the stage.

He left, body exhausted, but made sure he seemed to have as much energy as he had upon entering the stage.

An assistant took his guitar, and the sounds of the crowd faded as he was led down stairs, and through various halls of the stadium, to a green room.

Dean skipped the water on the table as he passed by, and grabbed a beer.

Sam was waiting for him in the green room, having been allowed in because he was his brother. Crowley was there as well, and unfortunately, so was a man he’d had a few dealings with and rather didn’t like: Zachariah. He was the executive of the record label Dean was contracted with, Heaven’s Records. Usually execs didn’t come out to concerts and they left that business to representatives, so this had to be big.

Great.

He suppressed rolling his eyes, popped the tab on his beer, and took a sip.

“That was excellent!” Crowley told him, standing to embrace him. He pointed to a screen that was in the green room, which was now showing the crowd departing. “Caught the whole thing.”

Dean nodded, then addressed his brother, “Sam, you like it?”

Sammy beamed, and also got up to congratulate him with physical affection, clapping his shoulder. “Hell yeah, man!”

Dean got himself a seat across from the exec, and bluntly asked, “What are you doing here?”

“Just enjoying the show, Dean.”

Another sip of his beer.

“Uh huh.”

Zach gave him an uneasy smile, hands clasped before him, leaning forward. “Look, we want to change your contract. Nothing big. Just add a couple more zeros to the paycheck, and with it you gotta make a music video, along with cooperating in some other areas.”

Dean sighed. “Ain’t music videos more the pop industry type deal?”

“You’ve turned rock into the new pop, Dean.”

“Yep, and what’s the catch? You’re not just gonna give me more money for a single music video.”

“We want you to tour. Europe, UK.”

“But?” he prompted, sensing a but.

“But, you have to behave.” Zach stood, taking the beer out of his hands as Dean had been about to drink a great amount of it. He held it up, shaking it. “No more of this.”

“But—”

And now he held out his phone, showing paparazzi photos of Dean making out with a woman on the street. Who was she? Was that that girl Cassie, the one who had a tattoo of his name somewhere, well, interesting?

“No more of this. Crowley’s already told me he’s been working with you on it.”

“What, so I can’t have fun?”

“No,” Zachariah simply stated. “You can’t have fun, Dean. Your kind of fun can lead to mishaps, mistakes, bad press. You’re a label, someone to be marketed. You want to market the bad boy who gets too drunk and punches a reporter?”

“I haven’t done that,” he argued.

“Yet. You want to be the bad boy who sleeps with a fan lying about her age?”

“Or him,” Dean interjected.

“Excuse me?”

Dean stood, getting right in his face. “I’m a person,” Dean yelled. “ A person, you got that? I have vices, and flaws, and wants, and needs.”

“A person, huh?”

Dean glanced around the room, at Sam, at Crowley, eyes big, pleading for help. Sam seemed just as caught off guard and helpless as he was. The best he seemed able to do was to start shouting “objection!” but they both knew he wasn’t going to do that.

“What if I say no?”

“We drop you.”

Dean clenched his jaw, and felt his hands curling into fists. God, was that wall close enough to punch? Soon it didn’t matter because he’d brushed past Zach, and, vision going red, he swept plates of food and bottles of drinks off the table, and then there was a loud noise, numb pressure exploding in his knuckles.

Cheeks flushed, he pulled his hand from the hole in the wall.

“Fuck you!” Dean cried, pointing a finger at him.

“Now, now, Dean, don’t—”

“Don’t what?” he asked, getting in his face again. Now Sam was up, arms around Dean to hold him back. Dean didn’t bother fighting him. “Don’t what?”

“Tantrums will get you nowhere.”

“So I quit drinking just like that?” he asked. “And I don’t see people anymore? No dating?”

“None.”

“What about free time, my established relationships, family? Is Sammy getting swept aside with this deal too, huh?”

“Dean,” Sam intoned, voice soothing in his ear.

“What about Lisa and Ben?”

“We won’t touch them if you do what we say. Look, I don’t like to do this, Dean, pretend you’re not someone, but well… you’re not. Who you are doesn’t matter to us. It’s what you can sell. And we want to sell you off as a worshipful, immaculate being, having you ascend above the rockstar stereotypes. Your popularity will burst through the roof. So, you clean up your act, you stay away from fans, you do as we say, and we won’t have a problem.”

Dean shrugged out of Sam’s grip, and went over to Crowley, pointing an accusing finger. “You knew about this.”

“Dean—”

“You knew,” he breathed, voice low, but gritty with emotion. “You knew and you didn’t tell me.”

“I warned you.”

“Well, nice warning, fuckwad.”

“Dean, I will quit if you keep this up.”

Dean stood back, laughing.

Was this really happening? Where had his freedom gone? He just wanted to make music, wanted to make people happy. He didn’t want any of this bullshit. And why all the changes, and why so soon, so fast?

Zachariah set Dean’s beer bottle down, but Dean ignored it, grabbing another one, and drank as much as he could, feeling liquid dribble down his chin. Oh god, that stuff was good. It wasn’t enough to get him buzzing or even numb though. And was blood dripping down his knuckles? They were starting to swell, right hand red, maybe turning a little purple.

Dean finished off half the bottle, and spluttered through his drink.

“Dean, I think you need to sit down,” Sam said, taking him by the shoulders and attempting to maneuver him to a seat.

“Sammy, can they do this?” he asked.

“Of course I can,” Zachariah said, all self-important and pleased. “Paired with a new exec. Michael Edlund.”

Oh god, Dean had heard of him, the fucking Archangel of Music as celebrity fans liked to call him. The bastard didn’t care about people, just cared about stats, and marketing, and money, and having people act to his every whim. Dean wouldn’t even be surprised if there were sex scandals wrapped up in there, kept hidden away since he was oh so clean and immaculate. 

But maybe the worst for Dean was that Michael forced himself to live through his artists, took them over.

Dean let Sam drag him into a chair at that.

He raised his bottle at Crowley, and Zachariah, smiling. “Well, here’s to fucking up my life. Maybe you own me, but I’m gonna fight tooth and nail the whole time. So I agree to this new, fucking stupid contract. Drop off the papers with my assistant, and I’ll even sign with a god damn golden pen. How’s that? I’ll do what you want, but you better believe I’m gonna test the limit.”

Sam pat a comforting hand against Dean’s chest as he continued drinking, feeling angered, embittered tears built up in his eyes.

So long, Dean Winchester, he thought. Here’s to life as an angel condom. May you rest in peace, you son of a bitch.

So he wasn’t out of being controlled. His dad, John was probably smiling up from Hell at that.

He’d better have a good seat down there.

Dean wondered if he would too.

[briangroth27]

Ready or Not Review

I really liked Ready or Not! It’s a very entertaining horror adventure with a healthy dose of comedy and a great lead in Samara Weaving. The supporting cast is on point too and everyone involved more than capably delivers a really fun thrill ride!

Full Spoilers...

Weaving's Grace is hoping to find a family once she marries her fiancé, Alex (Mark O’Brien), but everything goes wrong when his family tradition of playing a game each wedding night leaves her running for her life. Weaving imbues Grace with a winning way that makes her easy to root for, which is very important since we don't learn much about her interests or aspirations outside the family here. Her interactions with and reactions to the members of the Le Domas clan (along with her struggle to survive) give us a good grasp of who she is as a person (and that's just as if not more important as her biography), but I would've liked to know what she wanted out of life beyond a family and a solid home. Given no one in the movie really gets those details, however, it doesn't feel like she was slighted or underwritten. Her drive to have a family after living through foster homes was strong enough to give her a relatable goal and to fuel the tragedy that what she wants demands her death. The movie sends her through the ringer and Weaving absolutely sold Grace's growing confidence and grit in the face of so many would-be killers. She wasn't ever helpless or short of the ability to defend herself, but carving out an independent life apart from what she wanted was handled really well as the metaphorical component to her literal struggle to survive. I really liked that her most deliberate murder was the one that also eliminated any chance of a happy marriage to Alex, since she kills his mom Becky (Andie MacDowell), whom he loved her more than his new wife.

The script and direction did a great job of balancing Alex’s wish that he was different from his family with the dawning truths that he really did believe as they did and that he would choose them over Grace. The very act of putting her in a situation that could lead to her death without telling her—even if the Hide & Seek card hadn't been drawn in 30 years—was a huge red flag and I'm glad they followed through to the conclusion of that plot point. The romantic music swelling when he told Grace he'd proposed to her because she'd leave him otherwise didn't convince me that he was a good guy (he would have explained why they couldn’t get married or just let her go rather than risk her life if he really loved her), so I was happy the movie used the romantic music as a trick instead of a true emotional beat. There were other small hints at his turn along the way, so his was a nicely-constructed and acted arc too.

Alex’s brother Daniel (Adam Brody) was initially drawn as sleazy and unlikable, so I wasn’t expecting either of the moments where he helps Grace escape. I definitely didn’t think he’d turn out to be the best of his clan, particularly given his role in the last Hide & Seek game they played. However, I fully bought his turn after Brody and the movie showed the toll his choice back then had taken on him and how exhausted with everything about his family he was. Most of the Le Domas family were pretty affable on the surface (accounting for niceties at a wedding), and the actors and writers crafted a nice blend of reasons for them to stick with the family as well as some very entertaining comic relief within the group. Like Grace, we don’t hear a lot about their goals or dreams, but through the writing and performances it was easy to see who these people were from their actions and interactions alone. I did believe that they were truly hoping the Hide & Seek card wasn’t pulled and not just because they knew they’d all be terrible at hunting a person. That obviously doesn’t excuse any of their actions—they still put Grace in that position and immediately went through with trying to kill her to save themselves and the family business—but I liked that the movie took the step of giving them a bit of humanity before carrying out their ritual. That actually made them scarier, since people who do evil, selfish things are still people and pretending that only inhuman monsters are murderers (or racists, sexists, white supremacists, etc.) is dangerous.

There are some solid foils set up for Grace amongst the women of the Le Domas family. Becky is who Grace might want to be: the outsider welcomed into the family so that she can build a large one of her own and in doing so, find a stable home. They have the closest bond, come from similar lower class backgrounds, and the movie makes note of them both being smokers, providing another small connection between them (even if Grace lies about it to impress Becky). The ironically-named Charity (Elyse Levesque) is the cliché reflection of Grace (and possibly how we’d expect a wealthy family to see someone joining them from the lower classes): she’s literally there for the money and security that being part of this family provides. Emilie (Melanie Scrofano) is Grace without her grit (and what Grace hopes the family doesn’t see her as): a screw-up in over her head who has no idea what she’s doing, but who’s desperate to impress the family. Aunt Helene (Nicky Guadagni), on the other hand, is who Grace could be if she were all grit and devotion to the family. Looking at them this way had me wondering if the men in the Le Domas clan are foils for Alex as well. Daniel is set up as the red herring evil brother and their trajectories are opposites: Alex left but never really “left” the family while Daniel stayed, but that only allowed him to stew in how terrible they all are. Fitch (Kristian Bruun) does bring up cutting and running once, but ultimately he’s fully willing to go along with the ritual and between Alex fleeing the family and Daniel drinking himself into snark, before Alex’s turn Fitch is kind of the best son Tony (Henry Czerny) has (even if he’s a son-in-law, ensuring he’ll never be treated like blood). Tony’s devoted to the ritual and will absolutely kill to protect his family, though he wishes he didn’t have to. He’s what Alex probably would have become had Grace pulled a different card. Emilie and Fitch’s sons Georgie (Liam MacDonald) and Gabe (Ethan Tavares) also mirror Daniel and Alex, with one of them being hidden for most of the movie and the other taking part in the family’s ritual “because everyone else was doing it.” 

Since I saw the first trailer, I was hoping Mr. Le Bael would be a real demon, so I absolutely loved that he actually was mystically sustaining this family’s fortune in exchange for this ritual! Just before that reveal, when it seemed nothing would happen to the family for not killing Grace before dawn, the family’s awkward “well shoot…what do we do now?” moment was played perfectly, so that was a bit of the best of both worlds. I thought Grace was going to have to fight off the whole family at once somehow, since they’d still have to kill her to get away with it. However, the parade of exploding devil worshipers that followed instead was a fitting end to these terrible people: they’re all brought down by the thing they thought would make their dreams come true (which is a nice parallel to Grace’s biggest dream turning into a nightmare). I thought Mr. Le Bael might offer Grace a deal of her own for surviving the night, but I’m glad he just gave her a nod of approval instead.

The violence throughout the film expertly walks the same cartoony/serious line that the tone of the whole movie does. That’s very hard to do while still keeping the stakes high, but this movie completely and consistently pulls it off. There’s a lot of gore (though not too gross-out graphic IMO) that’s used well to comedic effect, until Grace starts getting injured and it takes a turn to decidedly not comedic; then they play the seriousness and pain of those injuries just as effectively. While the accidental deaths are comical, I wish they weren’t solely reserved for women (Hanneke Talbot, Celine Tsai, and Daniela Barbosa, who play the Le Dormas maids), though I suppose that’s the comment on these villains: this rich family didn’t care about their value beyond bemoaning how well they’d served them.

Criticisms of the upper class like that are effectively deployed throughout the film, from joining/maintaining a ridiculously wealthy family being the only way several characters think they can have a good/secure life, to the only non-white people associated with the family being among their hired and quickly-forgotten help, to their fortune being built on games rather than socially-helpful endeavors (not that diversions aren’t important) as if they’ve never had to take anything but this ritual seriously (not to mention the literal deal with the devil alleviating any hard work they might’ve had to do to make said fortune), to the flimsy “this is just how I was raised” excuse Alex and Georgie give. Given that the butler Stevens (John Ralston), Tony, and Helene are the most effective/vicious hunters, there’s also a vibe that the old white people are the ones fighting hardest to maintain their traditions (sometimes even if they know they don’t make sense anymore) and way of life by using the younger generation as expendable pawns and targets. Even when outside authority figures are trying to be helpful, they’re ultimately playing into the Le Domas family’s interests instead of the common person’s, like when Grace explains that she’s being hunted and the family car’s security agent Justin (Nat Faxon) turns the car off (since it’s been reported stolen) while offering half-meant hopes (and prayers?) that she makes it out alive. 

The score is fun (and the Hide & Seek song is very creepy!), while the production design of the Le Domas mansion and the movie in general feels perfectly fitting for this kind of story (as others online have pointed out). The pacing is excellent, giving us enough time to get to know Grace and her new family in the first act before everything goes crazy, which also gives her a glimpse of the life she wants before ripping it away and lets them play some relatable “dealing with the in-laws” gags. Once the game begins, the comedy and thrills don’t stop until the end!

Ready or Not continues the steady build of solid horror movies heading into the Halloween season this year! I can’t wait to pick it up on Blu-ray. It’s definitely a blast and it’s more than worth a trip to the theater to see it!

Check out more of my reviews, opinions, and original short stories here!  

[tshepiso-reads-books]

My Favourite Books of 2019

I had a pretty good reading year in 2019. Formulating my favourites list this year was definitely harder than it was in the past couple of years. This list has changed and shifted drastically as they year went by (if you’d like to know my favourites in the first half of the year check out this post).

I agonized for weeks trying to rank my favourites and eventually had to give up entirely. I read so many different books this year across genre and form and it was absolutely impossible to rank and compare them. So this year I’ll be talking about my favourite books from four categories: fantasy, science fiction, comics and contemporary. This is going to be a long one, so gird your loins.

Fantasy

2019 was a fantastic year for adult high fantasy. I finally dipped my toes into this category after years of hesitancy and discovered stories filled with rich worlds, pulse-pounding plots and fantastic characters.

The Fifth Season · N.K. Jemisin

If I had to choose a singular favourite book of 2019 The Fifth Season would definitely be it. Every single aspect of this novel was done to perfection our characters were fully rendered, the plot was absolutely gripping, and the worldbuilding so fleshed out and unique. This book was so perfectly realized and is truly a feat of master craftsmanship.

Circe · Madeline Miller

Even after all these months, Circe is still a stand-out story. Miller’s prose was breathtaking and cutting and our main character, Circe, so all-encompassing and well explored. The lens through which Miller views greek mythology was fascinating and the way she explored characters we already had preconceived notions of was fucking brilliant.

Jade City · Fonda Lee

This book was the perfect blend of inciting action, gripping family drama. The multi-layered and ever-changing landscape of the plot of Jade City kept me flipping the pages of this book, but the strong interpersonal relationships between the family at the center of this book kept me connected to every single plot point.

The Diviners · Libba Bray

The Diviners is the only YA fantasy on this list and I think it truly speaks to the heights that this book reached. What stood out most to me about this book was how politically relevant it was. Bray’s focus on the bigotry and hatred in America in the 20’s time felt pointed and relevant today. With fantastic characters, atmospheric writing and engaging mystery to boot The Diviners was a truly great story to read.

Foundryside · Robert Jackson Bennett

Foundryside was a genuinely fun time from beginning to end. I was gripped by Bennett’s unique magic system which I can only describe as “coding… but magic”. The great character work and entertaining character dynamics added to my absolute enjoyment of this story.

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Sci-Fi

I got really into sci-fi for the first time this year and absolutely adored so many of the stories in this genre. I glad I dove into this genre more in 2019 because I discovered some fantastic stories.

The Wayfarer’s Trilogy · Becky Chambers

The Wayfarer’s trilogy was like a warm blanket to me this year. Every time I picked up a new book in this series its themes and messages filled me hope and joy. Chambers is really writing the sci-fi we need in 2019. I loved every book in this series, but I wanted to shout out A Closed and Common Orbit in particular because it was definitely my favourite.

Ninefox Gambit · Yoon Ha Lee

Ninefox Gambit was a late entry into my favourites, but damn did it hit with a bang. It was certainly one of the most challenging books I read this year, but the reward for sticking through it all was just priceless. Lee crafted such an intricate world and delving deeper into it as I kept reading was enthralling.

Sleeping Giants · Sylvain Neuvel

It took me a while to fall for Sleeping Giants, but once I did I fell head over heels. Neuvel weaved in an interesting story through the interview format he utilized. I’m awed by his ability to capture the scope of the world and create a heart-pounding plot and intriguing mysteries exclusively through interviews.

Time Was · Ian McDonald

Time Was was an excellent novella. It captured everything I adore about time travel stories and historical science fiction. In a few pages, Ian McDonald sold me completely on every aspect of this story. I loved the sweeping romantic atmosphere imbibed into the story.

The Calculating Stars · Mary Robinette-Kowal

Another historical science fiction made its way into my favourites list and it truly deserved to. The level of detail poured into The Calculating Stars is amazing; Mary Robinette-Kowal delved deep into the space program and her accuracy to the time is astounding. Her ability to make me care about the minutiae of daily life is a credit to her character work because the protagonist of this book, Elma, was so charming and real that I couldn’t help but be invested in her story.  

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Comics

I read comic books for the first time this year and absolutely loved most of what I read. I discovered some fantastic authors and artists telling amazing stories and hope to only increase my comic reading in the coming year.

Nimona · Noelle Stevenson

What more is there to say about Nimona. I raved about it so much both online and in my personal life. Noelle Stevenson is writing the kinds of stories that sink their way into my heart and stay there. I adored every single panel of every single page in this story and encourage every single person to pick it up as soon as humanly possible.

The Vision · Tom King & Gabriel Hernandez Walta

I don’t even know what to say about The Vision other than, wow. This dark, psychological, tragedy affected me so deeply. It’s one of the three books I actively cried while reading this year and to this day I can’t eloquently express why I adored it so much. King really makes you care about the family at the center of this story which makes the tragic outcome of the story and the inevitability of that tragedy all the more painful.

Hawkeye · Matt Fraction & David Aja

I love Clint Barton with my whole heart and Hawkeye is the reason why. Fraction and Aja demonstrated a true understanding of Barton as a character and through their three-year run, they crafted what I believe is the best story about him out there.

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Contemporary

This year was pretty light on contemporaries both in number and quality but I did discover amazing stories that spoke to me deeply.

Radio Silence · Alice Oseman

Radio Silence is a book that directly spoke to an exact moment in my life. I read this at the start of my final exam season of high school so the failure of the education system really resonated. Oseman managed to capture the rat race that is school. This book was deeply affecting and emotionally resonant which is probably why it’s one of the books that made me cry in 2019.  

Fangirl · Rainbow Rowell

I’m kind of cheating by putting a re-read on this list, but I found rereading fangirl this year to be so impactful and moving that it would feel a right shame to leave it out of any ‘Best of 2019’ list. Fangirl spoke to me so much harder in 2019 than it did when I first read it. Rowell perfectly captured the reasons we go to fandom for solace and community and the struggles Cath faces in this book are all the more relatable with time.

Autoboyography · Christina Lauren

YA contemporary captures the melodrama of teenagerdom in a way other subcategories of YA never really do. Autoboyography distils the essence of what it feels like to be a teenager so well. And not only does it do that it also contains a beautiful love story at its center.

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Honourable Mentions

I read so many fantastic books this year and this list would feel incomplete without some honourable mentions. All of these were so close to making it on to my final list but sadly didn’t make the cut.

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So, that was my extensive favourites list for 2019. I had such a good reading year in 2019 and I want to bring that energy into the new decade. I’d love to hear about all your favourite books of the year in the comments below so please feel free to share them.

Happy reading!

[problemsofabooknerd]

Recommending LGBTQIA+ SFF

Pride Day 5!

Check out the intro to my Pride project here.

Listen, I have a deep love for queer contemporary. I love a love story. But my truest love has always been fantasy, and it’s always a little bit harder to find LGBTQIA+ rep in SFF. I want my gays in space! In castles! On quests! And not just gays, of course. I want bi guys and gals, trans and enby folks, and ace peeps all across fantastical worlds. So, if you’re thinking along the same lines as me, check out the recommendations down below the cut. And at the end I’ll even add a quick list of some queer SFF on my personal TBR too!

Sci-Fi

The Abyss Surrounds Us by Emily Skrutskie (goodreads, amazon)

This book is about lesbian pirates and sea monsters. That is the end of my pitch. Seriously, if the sentence “lesbian pirates and sea monsters” doesn’t already have you hooked, I don’t know what to say, I will never be able to convince you of how incredible this book is. Plus, it’s the first in a duology so there’s even more to love. 

Not Your Sidekick by C.B. Lee (goodreads, amazon)

I already mentioned this book in my first post this month about books with a large cast of queer characters. If you like queer teens of color kicking ass and saving the world, this is the series for you. 

Dreadnought by April Daniels (goodreads, amazon)

What? You want more queer superhero stories? Not a problem. Dreadnought follows Dany, a trans girl who is still in the closet due to her transphobic and abusive family. Then the superhero Dreadnought dies at her feet, and Dany inherets all his powers - and the body she has always wanted. This duology deals with some darker aspects of being a superhero, and does have warnings for a LOT of transphobia (one of the villains is a terf and she’s really awful), but it’s excellent and ownvoices and I can’t recommend it enough. Plus Dany is a lesbian, and the second book has a f/f romance!

We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson (goodreads, amazon)

Henry has had a rough year. His boyfriend killed himself, his relationship with his brother has become even more strained, and his grandmother is rapidly remembering less and less. Oh, and also he’s abducted by aliens semi-regularly who tell him they’re going to destroy the world and he has the power to stop it. This one has big trigger warnings for depression, suicide, and attempted sexual assault, but it’s also a beautiful book about mental illness, complex family relationships, and love. 

Axiom: The Last Hope by Rachel Marie Pearcy (goodreads, amazon)

If you read a million dystopian books a few years ago when the genre was big, I’m sure you, like me, were missing out on queer dystopian. I am here to make your life better! Axiom is about a world in which every decision is made for you, until Ella falls off the beaten path and falls for her female roommate. It has all the tropes and high-intensity of a dystopian, plus a f/f romance that really strengthens the whole center of the novel.

Fantasy

Peter Darling by Austin Chant (goodreads, amazon)

Austin Chant is going to probably be on as many posts as I can manage this month, despite the fact that he only has three novellas, but I can’t help my love. Peter Darling is a sequel/retelling of Peter Pan wherein Peter is trans. He returns to Neverland after a ten year absence, and finds it even darker than he left it. This also features a m/m romance between Hook and Pan. Austin Chant owns my heart, that’s what you need to know. 

Caroline’s Heart by Austin Chant (goodreads, amazon)

What? Already another Austin Chant novella? Yeah, that seems like me. Caroline’s heart is a f/m romance, and it’s about trans folks falling in love. Cecily is a witch who lost her true love year ago, and is desperately trying to resurrect her. But when a cowboy in peril stumbles into her path, she has to decide if giving up the past is worth it to save a man she barely knows. This is super western, super queer, super historical, and super magical. It’s everything. 

Spellbook of the Lost and Found by Moira Fowley-Doyle (goodreads, amazon)

And speaking of queer magic, I have some more to share! Spellbook is set in a small town in Ireland and follows a variety of teenagers with intersecting stories and lives. One night at a party, a spell is cast and everyone wakes up the next day to find they have lost something. One of them also finds a spellbook that possibly has a way to bring everything back, and there is a part to play for every person in the group. There are three POV characters, two of whom are queer women. There are bisexual girls and a lesbian character, and f/f and f/m romances both happen. There are also POC and one of the bi girls is deaf in one ear. Plus it’s magical and odd and Irish and fabulous, as if that was not already evident in this description.

Amberlough by Lara Elena Donnelly (goodreads, amazon)

Amberlough is set in a an alternate 1930s-inspired world full of cabarets and a rising fascist regime. It follows Cyril, a spy, his lover Aristide, smuggler and emcee at the Bumble Bee Cabaret, and Cordelia, a Bumble Bee dancer. When Aristide’s life is threatened, Cyril is forced to turn against his government and his moral code to keep him safe. The worldbuilding in this one blows me away, and in general has an aesthetic that is unbeatable. Plus the sequel was just recently released! 

Every Heart a Doorway by Seanan McGuire (goodreads, amazon)

We always see the stories of children who wander through magical doorways, but what happens to them when they stumble back to our world and out of the place they feel like they belonged? In the Wayward Children series, it means you end up at Eleanor West’s Home For Wayward Children. This is a novella that deals with magical trauma and finding a way and a place to be your true self, and the entire series is incredible. This first one features and asexual protagonist and a trans side character, but the books afterwards always feature queer characters and magically heartbreaking stories. 

Wild Beauty by Anna-Marie McLemore (goodreads, amazon)

If you are looking for magical realism with cursed queer ladies, this is all you could ever possibly want. Wild Beauty is set in the lush gardens of La Pradera, where the women of the Nomeolvides family care for it every day. The women also have a curse: should any of them fall in love too deeply, the object of their affection will disappear. Then one day a mysterious boy appears in the garden with no memory of who he is. This is a story in which every single female character is bisexual, basically. It opens with all the cousins being in love with the same girl, and it’s magical and wonderful and about the traumas of colonialism and the power of family. Plus, all of the characters are Latinx. It’s excellent. 

High Fantasy

Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst (goodreads, amazon)

A book about two princesses falling in love, which is basically all you need to know. I mean, there’s also the fact that one of them has the ability to control fire (despite the fact that magic is forbidden), or the fact that she is engaged to the prince and falls for his sister instead. Or! That there are so many horses and so much horse love it’s at times overwhelming! These are also good facts about Of Fire and Stars, but ultimately I know that all you all need to be told is that two princesses fall for each other and it is glorious. 

Girls Made of Snow and Glass by Melissa Bashardoust (goodreads, amazon)

I just did a full review of this yesterday, which I will link here. Basically this is a retelling of Snow White that focuses on the complex relationship between a princess and her stepmother. It’s super feminist, fascinating, and features a f/f relationship for the Snow White character. Read it immediately, I’m begging you.

And that’s the end of my list! But if you’re looking for some more, my TBR currently includes The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers, Reign of the Fallen by Sarah Glenn Marsh, Passing Strange by Ellen Klages, Otherbound by Corinne Duyvis, Hullmetal Girls by Emily Skrutskie, and Santa Olivia by Jacqueline Carey. Ok, your TBR should be good and stuffed with queer SFF now, so I’ll wrap up here. And check back tomorrow if you want to hear all the little details of my personal sexuality journey!

[2019laura]

books i’ll read in 2019

one of my new years resolutions is to read as frequently as possible. normally i only read on holiday, but i should read more often of that due to all the benefits of it. i’ve decided to start off slow and say one book a month. so, here are the twelve books i’m going to try and read in 2019.

1. “the sailor who fell from grace with the sea” by yukio michima

i watch a lot of pewdiepie, and recently he uploaded a video talking about the books he read in 2018. one author he heavily recommended was yukio mishima due to his facanating backstory and excellent writing skills, and this seems to be his most popular book. if felix loves it, then i’ll try it too.

2. “brave new world” by aldous huxley

again, this is from the pewdiepie video. something he spoke about was his dislike for the book “fahrenheit 451″ - a book i’ve been told to read many times. however, his strong opinion swayed me otherwise. the book’s age concerns me, but i’ll try my best to read it, even if it is a little old.

3. “1984″ by george orwell

i can’t tell you how many times i’ve read the opening to 1984. countless english teachers think they’re being original by getting the class to analyse the beginning to this text, but in reality, every teacher i’ve had for the past four years has done it. still, my granny recommended it to me, and i’d trust her with my life.

4. “the da vinci code” by dan brown

this book is supposed to be excellent. however, i have absolutely no idea what it’s about. the name is very cool, i must admit. my dad doesn’t read much, but he said this book was incredible.

5. “la belle sauvage” by philip pullman

not too long ago, i read “the northern lights”, and i probably would have really enjoyed it if it wasn’t for the fact that it was for a reading club and i’d left it to the very last minute. i forgot about that series until christmas recently, where my aunt gave me “la belle sauvage”. i know you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, but DAMN is that front cover gorgeous! i’m excited to read this one.

6. “everything, everything” by nicola yoon

whilst forming this list, i asked my friends for their favourite books. my buddy lottie said this was her favourite non harry potter book, and boy - that’s high praise. i saw the trailer for it and thought it looked pretty cool but i had no idea it was a book! i do love a good YA novel.

7. “simon vs the homo sapiens’ agenda” by becky albertalli

oh man, did this film trailer look good! i haven’t seen the film yet, me and my buddy elliot are going to watch it together at some point, but i feel like i should read the book first. i’m a sucker for a good romance novel!

8. “the picture of dorian gray” by oscar wilde

this was recommended by elliot (can you tell he’s lgbtq+ lol) and from the brief review i read from the artifice (whilst avoiding spoilers), it sounds brilliant. oscar wilde is supposed to be a “wordsmith” - a word i had to google the definition of - and if there’s anything i love more than good cinematography, it’s good word choice.

9. “paper towns” by john green

is it really a book list if john green doesn’t feature? though his work is seen to be for “basic white girls”, i find it really enjoyable. maybe it’s because i am a basic white girl, but i think it’s because he’s a great writer. however, i watched the movie a while back, and though the first hour was great, the ending sucked. i really hope that’s because it didnt work well as a movie and not because the book ending sucked. oh well, i’ll find out.

10. “hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy” by douglas adams

another recommendation from a friend, ben. when he gave me the recommendation, i said “oh yeah i forgot about that!” and he instantly replied “how could you forget about hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy?!”. though i’ve read the start of the book plenty of times (unoriginal english teachers ruin everything) i’ve never got past the first chapter or so. i think i’ll love this one.

11. “the catcher in the rye” by j.d. salinger

now this book interests me. this is the book that inspired mark chapman to assassinate john lennon. i’m curious to find out his thinking process - how a book could cause a man to kill. 

and finally:

12. “the perks of being a wallflower” by stephen chbosky

one of my favourite movies ever is tpobaw, so when i found out there was a book behind it, i instantly wanted to read it. i wonder if the book will make me as emotional as the film will? or, will it make me more emotional? i’ll never know until i read it.

that’s all the books| if i read any different books that i’ve not mentioned, i’ll post about it. see ya :D

[lair-of-books]

Hey Bookworms! It’s Saturday morning when I’m writing this post to go up on Sunday. TBH I had no intentions of making this “Official” I kind of always participate on the low 😂🙈 which is probably because of how high I set the standard for myself & don’t always meet it 🤷🏻‍♀️ This time, I wanted a bit of accountability. These are just the books I’ll be reading during Contemporary-A-Thon, my actual September TBR is dreadful & scares me putting on paper so that’ll just stay in my head 😂 This readathon is run by some truly fantastic Booktubers I adore to pieces & you should definitely consider checking out:

Julie @PagesandPens

Chelsea @ChelseaDollingReads

Natasha @MyReadingIsOdd

The Challenges:

1. Read a contemporary with orange on the cover

2. Read a dark/spooky contemporary

3. Read a diverse contemporary

4. Read a contemporary in a non-traditional format

5. Read a contemporary that has your initials somewhere on the cover

6. Read a contemporary from a new to you author

7. Read a contemporary that is a 5 star prediction

  Read a contemporary with orange on the cover  What If It’s Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera Not only is my MOST anticipated Contemporary book of 2018! 😱 One of my top 3 fave authors co-wrote this book! If you’ve been following my blog for some time now, you probably know how much I LOVE Adam Silvera’s books! They always leave me wrecked yet I keep returning for more tear jerking reads. I also think this will be a 5 star read & it also fits the diverse read category as well.

🌟Bonus🌟 One of the MC’s  is Puerto-Rican & therefore this book aligns with Latinx (I sure did change it to be more inclusive) Heritage Month (9/15/2018-10/15/2018) 🖤

Read a dark/spooky contemporary  Sadie by Courtney Summers which I’ve been trying my hardest not to start before the readathon! this book legit checks off so many of my boxes & appeals to my love of Podcasts. It’s been a while since I discovered Serial & the Adnan Syed case, but my time listening/obsessing over each episode is still fresh in my memory. I’ve had a couple of book blogging buddies tell me there is now a podcast to go along with the book & GAHHH! I’m so ready! I have this book in physical format & then used 1 of my Audible credits for the audiobook after hearing some AMAZING things about the narration.

Read a diverse contemporary  The Proposal by Jasmine Guillory  is sort of a companion novel to The Wedding Date (My review) published earlier this year. Carlos, one of the side characters who starred in The Wedding Date had me wishing so hard for a character swap #jussayin 😂 he was way nicer & just all around chivalrous which is something rare. Carlos also IMO has excellent taste in foods 😉

🌟Bonus🌟 Carlos is a Latino Doctor which means this book also book aligns with Latinx (I sure did change it to be more inclusive) Heritage Month (9/15/2018-10/15/2018)

Read a contemporary in a non-traditional format  Blue is The Warmest Color by Julie Maroh is a graphic novel I’ve been meaning to get to since 2017 & never got around to it. I’ve heard it’s best to go into it blind but that it for sure is a tear jerker starring a F/F romance. STOKED to finally have no excuse to not get to this one. I also just found out a movie exists for this story (IMDB) 🖤

Read a contemporary that has your initials somewhere on the cover  The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid & no a longer title I could not find 😂 truth be told, I’ve been DYING to read this for so long. My initials are simple, ‘LB’ or my unmarried initials ‘LL’ can both be found in this title. I’m possibly even more excited to read this one than What If It’s Us. All great books but this is one I’ve owned for so long with the knowledge it’s going to be a 5 star read & that once I read it I won’t be able to experience it for the first time again…anyone else do this? procrastinate with nooks you know will be your next obsession? 😩😂

🌟Bonus🌟  MC is a Cuban bi-sexual woman which makes this one perfect for Latinx (I sure did change it to be more inclusive) Heritage Month (9/15/2018-10/15/2018)

Read a contemporary from a new to you author  Flight or Fight by Samantha Young which I’ll be buddy reading with Melanie from Meltotheany (we’re also BR The Proposal). I admittedly don’t know much about this one other than it’s a cute hate to love contemporary everyone has been buzzing about. This will be my first Samantha Young read & I’m hoping to find a new fave author 🖤

Read a contemporary that is a 5 star prediction  Pride by Ibi Zoboi is one I’ve been highly anticipating! After reading American Street & the short story written by Ibi Zoboi in the YA anthology Meet Cute, I can’t help but want to read everything this author writes. The fact that it takes place in my home city of Brooklyn & that it’s a Pride & Prejudice REMIX (not a retelling 😂) has me HYPED!

🌟Bonus🌟  The MC Zuri Benitez is Afro-Latina….we don’t have no where near enough Afro-Latinx MC’s in our books, so happy to be reading this one for Latinx (I sure did change it to be more inclusive) Heritage Month (9/15/2018-10/15/2018) 🖤

Contemporary-A-Thon takes place from 9/17-9/23, all info to participate can also be found in the Booktube channels listed above. If you are participating in the readathon or just happen to have ready any of the titles I’ll be reading, drop me some luv in the comments down below 🖤

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    The One Where I Try To Read All The Books… Hey Bookworms! It's Saturday morning when I'm writing this post to go up on Sunday. TBH I had no intentions of making this "Official" I kind of always participate on the low 😂🙈 which is probably because of how high I set the standard for myself & don't always meet it 🤷🏻‍♀️ This time, I wanted a bit of accountability.