#it was 50 YEARS AGO today
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On November 17th of 1973 David Bowie met William S. Burroughs. A few months later their conversation would be published in Rolling Stone. photographer: Terry O'Neill
#50 years ago today#david bowie#william s. burroughs#today in history#bowieposting#70s music#the rolling stone article is available online to read if anyone's curious
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11/1/73: McGaw Memorial Hall, Northwestern University, Evanston, IL
photo by Charles Seton
#grateful dead#mcgaw memorial hall#northwestern university#charles seton#50 years ago today#fuck your other âbig name groupsâ
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I had been worried that cutting my dad off and distancing myself from him would put me in a difficult position with his side of the family but I've actually reconnected with a couple family members over how shitty he's been and it turns out I'm not the first one to stop talking to him, he's been blocked by like two of my aunts And my cousin
#my cousin texted me out of nowhere yesterday and we've been chatting which has been really nice#and I asked her like btw did my dad send you to talk to me and shes like oh God no I haven't talked to him since he got drunk and rampaged#and I was like oh which time and she's like the one a couple months ago and I was like ayy me too lmao#so! turns out the only person who is straining and breaking familial relationships is him đ€#not that he'll ever see the pattern that his sister and aunt and two of his nieces AND his ex wife/baby mama AND his own kid#have told him to get his shit together and stop being an asshole to everyone#but yknow#if he stopped drinking it'd solve 25% of his problems and therapy would solve another 50%#but he refuses to stop drinking or listen to anyone but other brainwashed trumpheads so! fuck 'im#dad mention#alcohol mentioned#anyway. feeling better about my choice to stop talking to him#he went off on my mom today and called her a lot of horrible things and accused her of leading him on#when she has actively been telling him since they got divorced TEN YEARS AGO that nothing is ever happening w them again#but since he doesn't listen to her he didn't hear it and just dug his pity party hole deeper#anyway. back to my night having a nice time and having a good relationship with basically everyone else in my family#unlike some people đ” đž
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wonderful news i can now abandon my imaginary deadline for the article/essay i started writing and move it to next year
#HOORAY!#because im writing something thats like about something published 50 years ago and somehow i thought it was from 1974#but by chance saw today it was actually published in 75!!!! i dont have to panic!! even though it wasnt a real deadline anyway!!#but now i can say such and such thing at 50 as i planned and have the time to write a really good article#i just have to make sure i dont procrastinate on it for a year#ideally id love to get this professionally published somewhere but im thinking abt trying to mail the article to the author of the thing#like the thing that im not quite reviewing but like. taking another look at 50 years on#and thus my career will be jumpstarted. or something
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The breadth and consistency of the US underperformance across disease categories suggests that the we pay a penalty for extreme fragmentation and misaligned financial incentives that favor procedures over comprehensive longitudinal care, and the absence of organizational strategy at the individual system level.
Moses et al. The Anatomy of Health Care in the United States. Jama 2013; 310(18):1947-1964
#quotes#healthcare#studyspo#medblr#pharmblr#studyblr#my teacher shared this quote and i thought it was very poignant that it was written over 50 years ago and still accurate today#swv:quotes#swv:oc#swv#nih
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... the european elections results are making me lose hope in the future of europe. how tf did we get like this?
#the amount of countries that elected far right parties is absolutely terrifying#im so relieved that portugal's top two parties aren't far right .... yet. but the rise of our far right party has been scary to witness#the guy literally calls himself today's salazar and ppl are voting for it??? bruv i thought history lessons were very clear#and like we had a dictatorship literally 50 years ago. it's too soon to be making the same mistake again for fucks sake#anyways sorry for this
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you know what i realized
is giving
#no im flattering myself#tales from diana#the top left is ned's drawing of me from years ago versus my self-portrait from this week#the bottom is lizzie siddal painted by dante gabriel rossetti compared to her self-portrait#my dad said 'you look angry' when he saw it lol#i am! you know me. pissed. mad.#ned knows how to make me look a pretty ingenue i must say#i do plan on drawing him soon to return the years-late favor. i wrote him poems but that was a different favor#any idiot can write poems. look at me!#anyway i must say im so happy to be drawing again. and my charcoal came in the mail today#50 pieces of vine charcoal. hallelujah#at michaels they'll charge you 5 bucks for three sticks. ridiculous#i wont say publicly how cheap i bought those 50 pieces or you ppl will never forgive me#but it's ok that should hold me off for quite awhile#but i still have a lot of catching up to do before i get to ned's level i must say. not that i anticipate it#im happy w my progress im a happy little clam
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Shadows of Fear: Did You Lock Up? (1.1, Thames, 1970)
"And they didn't make much mess?"
"No, not really. They forced that door. Smashed the cabinet, slashed a sofa. And kicked a hole in the bedroom door."
"Ah. Big mistake."
"What is?"
"Never lock inside doors. Anything you can to keep them out - but when they're in, let 'em get on with it."
"I'll remember."
#shadows of fear#single play#roger marshall#1970#classic tv#thames#kim mills#michael craig#gwen watford#ray smith#mark mcmanus#malcolm kaye#charles leno#having come to something of a premature pause in my New Scotland Yard watch (the first ep of series 3 isn't on the YT playlist I've been#using and is proving quite tricky to get ahold of) i thought I'd revisit this brief lived anthology series for the creepy season. i first#watched this about 10 years ago and my memories of it are scant to say the leastâ so it seemed like good viewing for the season#the production history of SoF is lost in the mists of time (unless someone out there wishes to enlighten me?); this first episode was shown#in June of 1970â but the rest didn't follow until January of the following year; probably this acted as a sort of pilot to gauge viewer#reactions to another vaguely horrorish anthology series (the previous decade had been ripe with themâ tho we rarely see their like today)#and then there's the odd case of the final epâ shown almost 2 years after the series ended and running to half the length (and generally#feeling like an entirely different format) but I'll come to that when (and if) i get to the episode itself. this debut ep is... well it's#fine. i was excited to see Marshall's name in the opening creditsâ one of the most dependable of old tv writers and I'd quite forgotten he#contributed to this show. but the issue here is simply one of length. the plot is solidâ a suitably grotty little tale of a family man's#mounting obsession with the burglars who broke into his home. it would make a good ep of Tales of Unease (shortly to begin on Thames'#sister broadcaster LWT) or a few years later as an episode of Tales of the Unexpected; both being 25 minute shows. but this clocks in at#close to 50 mins and there isn't really enough to it to sustain that longer running timeâ leaving it feeling a little stretched thin and#flimsy. a shameâ because Craig and Watford are putting in excellent performances as the middle class couple whose reactions to the burglary#slowly shift as time passes (he goes from prosaic acceptance to fixated maliceâ she from shocked indignation to making peace with it all)#no big surprises in where the play is headed or how it plays outâ but that's often the case with these things; it's often just as much#about the horrible foreknowledge of what must come than some shocking twistâ and this plays it about right. it's just too long is all.
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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me when im obsessed with dead singers from 50 (well... mostly 70-120) years ago and im heartbroken to know i'll never see them on stage... never hear them breathe, never see them sweat, never even touch the hem of their garment...
it really is enough to drive a person mad...
#this is so funny because this is the one vaguepost that i wholeheartedly 100% agree with skdhsjshsjdhsn#like yeah!! it does indeed pain me that the level of operatic singing has so drastically decreased over the last 50 years!#that top operatic stars of today are all either nasal or wobbly or knödely or completely inaudible without microphones#but some of yall are just not ready for this conversation. example a#anyway. as many have said before. its kinda easier to understand how some people cant appreciate certain operas#if they never heard them sung well lol#sorry im out of blood today. i know this is a very uncomfortable subject for many but.#you can actually judge someone's singing in a pretty objective way. there are nuances of course. but from a technical point of view#it really is pretty simple#(also its not like i dont enjoy *some* modern singers lol have you SEEN my kwiecieĆ posting???? lmao#hell. there are even some modern singers i have a soft spot who i KNOW sing... Not Very Well. but i enjoy them lol#not many ofc but. yknow)#also 50 years ago would be the 1970s if im doing my maths correctly and. that is really the point in opera history#when it all started going downhill (sadly partly because of one of my all time favourite singers' influence... but thats a different story)#anyway. remember when luis tetrazzini said that the future generations of singers will be The Best singers in history#because they'll have access to all those recordings of The Greats Of The Past that they'll be able to listen to and learn from?#lmao queen you were right about so many things but that was tragically not one of them </3#opera tag#yes im stirring the pot of boiling liquid shit and putting this post gently into the main tag#*luisA tetrazzini ofc#lol and lmao im out FOR blood* shdgsjsghs
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ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.
but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)
LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!
#why do both of my parents need to be so impressively incompetent. i like. cannot find the words for how . i feel about this#like. idc about crimes. go forth. be free. but maybe. just maybe. you should not make your job#âhi today i will post about how i am selling illegally possessed objects on a widely used public forumâ#dont do crimes STUPID. yanno.#in other parent news. its now like. month 6 or so of dad refusing to get his insurance reinstated.#hes been on the same step (taking his paystubs to the dhhr office) for like 3 months?#anyway apparently he found out today/last night that when he was a kid he was diagnosed with gastroparesis !#which is like ! cool! you have a diagnosis AND ive been living with that for 16 years and can help you đ„°#but we were sitting there with mom (this was right before the knife thing) and she was like âwell you gotta get your insurance now so you#can get on the right medsâ and dad was like yeah ill go....#and mom was saying well go in the morning when they open etc etc and he was like i will#and i pointed out that just two weeks ago i told him that too. and he didnt want to. bc hed lose money due to not being able to work#and mom was like well he doesnt work at 8am. and i was like yeah i know but i told him to go at 8am two weeks ago and that was his response#and then he proceeded to claim that this whole time he didnt know they opened at 8am.#folks. he doesnt start working until like...usually 10 or so. WHAT GOVERNMENT OFFICE DOESNT OPEN UNTIL 10.#PLUS. WE LIVE IN A RURAL HOUR. *BUSY* TAKES LIKE AN HOUR. MOST OF THE TIME YOURE IN AND OUT WITHIN 20 MINITES.#ive been fucking considering PAYING HIM to go get it.#and then he claims he didnt know it opened at 8am. when i have told him that. MULTIPLE TIMES.#WHY DO THEY HAVE TO BE LIKE THISSSS THEYRE THE MOST IMMATURE ADULTS IVE EVER MET AND THATS IMPRESSIVE!!!#IVE KNOWN PEOPLE WHO PAY THEIR RENT IN COKE OR WHO ARE ESSENTIALLY PROFESSIONAL PARTIERS. AND *THEYRE* MORE RESPONSIBLE AND MATURE THAN MY#PARENTS. SO WHAT GIVES.#also theyre 50 like cmon yall. youre not even 20 or 30. i think you should know how to not like. get your job shut down or die of lack#of medication.#did i tell yall one of the times a few months ago i was nagging dad abt getting his insurance#his response was literally. no exxageration.#he was like oughhh i dont wanna see doctors because then theyll find out somethings wrong with me#and ill have to go on a bunch of medication.#and then he actually for real. said.#âbeing on too many medications killed my grandmaâ#even mom was like cmon man. thats not even true. they misdiagnosed her and put her on WRONG meds. she wasnt even on that many.
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drank milk.
#test#had a neil cicirega moment today where i heard Popular Song From 10-50 Years Ago but i only knew the lyrics to the mouth album version
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#my heart rate has been stressing me out since my surgery#prior to it i mean obvi my anxiety kept it kinda high like 85-100#but since then it's been like 50-65 and the change is just worrisome#idk if it was bc i was falling asleep but i checked it earlier today and it was 44 ????#anyway. i compulsively check my oxygen levels n heart rate since my covid infection a few years ago#but that's really low right? right ????#lol ignore me#delete later#probably
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youtube
PINK FLOYD Darkside of the moon(complete album no commercials)
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i'm planning next week's picnic like if one thing goes wrong i'll be publicly beheaded. i'm locked in to such an absurd degree.
#also never shopping in my nearest town again maybe#i saw my cousin's ex who lives an hour away and her friend together which is so....... like wow i really thought i'd seen the last of him#very messy situation#started talking to a cashier/stocker i've spoken with on occasion for several years and she showed me some of her art & poetry (???)#got in line in front of one of my former classmate's dads who tried to proposition me right after my mom died#went to the new dollar store which has four self checkouts & one mannedâ tried to use a self checkout and the cashier said#'we don't have self checkouts' i said 'do you mean today or period' she said 'period' and we discussed how badly that's got them fucked up#they're literally running one of the self checkouts as a manned checkout when things get busy like...#and it was JUST built!! like just less than a year ago i think#i always come home from that town wanting to pull my hair out it's sooo strange!! like everything is craaazy#i also got fucking scammed!#i forgot to check until just now but the grocery store likes to run a weekly sale then not update the computers to reflect it#like they've done this for years and years#and i paid $1.99/lb for apples that were marked down to $1.12/lb so i overpaid a damn dollar#during the panini when it was my only source of groceries sometimes the difference would literally be like $50 because of big ticket items#i'd usually walk outâ unload and read the receiptâ then walk back in and get my refund. every friday.#and if i didn't i'd be out like $100/month for nothing on top of everything costing double what it did in the city#that place is fucking cursed. like there's just layers and layers of misery covering every surface.#adam yaps
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After the day clinic I'll go to a rehab clinic that specializes in trauma and addiction (most places only treat these two separately). I'll stay there for 3 to 4 months. Rip to me am I really that sick?
The social worker in my ward and I wrote down my addiction time line for my insurance company today which made me realize how fucked up I really am. Midway through I asked her to stop for the day and do the rest tomorrow because it was so confronting. (Yes, I listened to my boundaries for once.) I really have been in this cycle ever since I was 13 without realizing it.
After that I went to the city with some of the people from my ward and that was really nice. I feel accepted there, and I love how diverse our group is.
This evening is easier than yesterday. Less urges, less cravings. But somehow I'm shaking. Man, all of this is a lot but I'm doing it. I'm doing it.
#personal posts#psych ward blogging#treated myself to some tools for a new hobby (pokerwork)#because today marks two weeks of me being sober and a new hobby is always a great distraction#S. (my (hopefully) future room mate) called me this evening and it's nice to know people who want to hear your honest answer when they ask#you how you are#rn somehow I'm shaking pretty badly and I don't know why#so much to process I guess#it's wild going to the stores without buying alc#tw addiction#addiction tag#I keep thinking of my self from two years ago and how lonely I was#now I have more people around me who value me and who I value than I could have ever imagined#there are people out there who see me and appreciate me for who I am#people who I don't have to put up an performance for when I'm around them#wild#and while we were in the city I met another acquaintance of mine#50% of the time when I'm walking around this city I meet someone I know#Man I have a great social life I really do#and the excitement of this one acquaintance whenever he sees me#he says 'hello' like ten times in a row lol#I know I'm being cheesy again but connection really saves you huh
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