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chaiihuo · 19 days ago

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୨ৎ 𝓱𝓸𝓶𝓮𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓲𝓷𝓰 . . . ft. fyodor dostoevsky

fyodor dostoevsky x f.reader. hurt -> comfort-ish. bsd spoilders from ch. 53 on. brief mentions of a somewhat codependent relationship.

fyodor doesn't like leaving you in the dark. he can't tell you everything of course, though only for your own safety. he does try his best to tell you everything he can, so at least he knows you're worrying about him even just a tiny bit less.

but there are some things, albeit very few, that are out of his control. his capture and arrest had completely blindsided him, and he had no possible way of letting you know where he was, or what was going on, from that moment on.

his arrest was one of the few times in his entire life he felt genuine fear. not from being arrested. it was a type of fear that he felt deep in my bones, twisting like a boulder in his gut. it felt like the fear he had caused his whole body to shut down. he was afraid he'd never find his way back to you. you'd be left in the dark about where he was, if he was hurt, if he was even alive. and he'd have to sit in a cell knowing he could do nothing to ease your suffering.

his arrest was also the first time in his life he had felt such desperation. he pleaded, practically begged, the officers at meursault to let him write to you. but they all denied his pleas. even seeming to enjoy that they were able to deprive the fyodor dostoevsky, one of the world's most wanted ability users, of something he so clearly was desperate for.

it was pathetic, he thought, how every guard he encountered behind the prison's walls seemed to giggle gaggle about his situation. despite the fact that everyone in the room knew that if fyodor had been able to wield his ability, they'd all cower in fear.

but now they chucked and whispered amongst themselves as they stripped him of all of his belongings, including his wedding band. which he watched as it was tossed so carelessly into a bag, and he knew he'd probably never see it again.

they were harsh as they slammed the steel cuffs on his wrists and shoved his head down as they guided him to his cell. the cramped space that would essentially be his home for the foreseen future.

fyodor thought about you every moment he was awake. every passing thought he had would eventually come back to you.

when he was brought his meals, he'd think about all the meals you made him. cooked with so much care, and thought behind. making the best meals possible to help with his poor health. every soup, or sauce, or marinate soaking with that silly iron fish you were so fond of. but you swore boiling it in with his food would help his deficiency. and it could have been the iron fish, or it could have been love, but he did feel the healthiest he's ever been since he's been with you.

when he was laying down to sleep, he'd think of you. how he had taken for granted how comfortable the bed he shared with you was. how the mattress was so soft his body sunk into it. and he never thought he would miss such a thing, but he longed to have to move the obscene amount of plushies and decorative pillows off the bed before he could lay down.

even when he was plotting and scheming a way out, the thoughts mostly revolved around coming home to you. he promised himself he'd get out. of course he would.

there was no question that he'd slip his way out, the way it's certain that a rat would squeeze through the smallest of cracks. it was certain that fyodor would make his way back to you. the question was how, and when. the only sure thing about his plan, aside from its inevitable success, was that the very first thing he would do would finally return home.

. . . .

you learned of fyodor's arrest through the newspaper.

he hadn't returned home the day he promised, and while you were worried beyond measure, you had managed to convince yourself — somewhat — that he would be home very soon.

you missed him dearly, but life needed to move on. that's what fyodor always told you "i may be away, but your life must still go on, milaya"

you saw the paper on display in a shop while you were picking up groceries. out of the corner of your eye you saw the front page, and immediately recognized fyodor.

it felt like the headline had crushed you immediately, and despite the words from fyodor that you tried to live by when he was away, the whole world seemed to freeze in its place. at least your world did.

while the whole world moved on around you, it felt like you were stuck in place. pinned down by a weight that felt like a hundred tons blanketing your whole body.

for almost a year fyodor was gone, and you barely managed to keep things moving. doing the bare minimum to keep things in your home running. everyday seemed to bleed together, and day and night no longer had any difference to you.

the dependency you had on fyodor wasn't something you were completely proud of. but you couldn't really help it. even before him something in you felt hollow. you got on just fine, but it always felt like something was missing. a feeling that only went away when your life had collided with fyodor's.

you and fyodor had connected so deeply from the moment you had met each other for the very first time. your lives and souls so intertwined that fyodor being gone felt like a part of yourself had gone away with him.

most days you spent laying on the couch. you had moved to spending most of your time in the living room. the bedroom was too big for just you. the bed was too cold and empty without fyodor to share it with, so you had taken to the couch. spending nights lulling yourself to sleep with fantasies of fyodor returning home, and your days staring at the front door. hoping that the door knob would turn, and fyodor would come in.

a day dream you had fallen so deeply into at times that you had managed to convince yourself it would really happen. sometimes finding yourself practically sprinting towards the front door at the slightest noise. it was always a disappointment that left you in a weeping pile on the living room floor.

eventually you somehow managed to stop yourself from making a scene at every little noise. but despite your best efforts, you just couldn't get yourself to accept that fyodor would never come home. you still had hope that you'd be with him again.

this day was just like every other day before it. you barely managed to get through even the smallest of household chores before you took to the couch again. staring at the front door, zoning out as you tuned out the random talk show you put on in the background to pretend that you had company. though it did very little, almost nothing, to ease your loneliness.

and the doorknob jiggled.

this was really a new low for you. had your day dreams become so vivid out of your desperation that you had actually started seeing them ? how pathetic you'd become. you wondered if fyodor would be ashamed of how desperate you'd become.

and the doorknob shook again.

there was a muffled mumbling outside, accompanied by a series of the door knob twisting and shaking. like someone on the other side of the door had stuck something in the lock in place of a key to try and open the door.

you sat up right on the couch, staring at the door. your mind rushed with a thousand thoughts. a break in ? your landlord wondering where you've been ? maybe someone had mistaken your apartment for their own ?

a thousand thoughts ran through your mind, but one stuck out that made your stomach light up with butterflies and nerves all at the same time. surely... this couldn't be fyodor.

you sat up straight as a pin, staring at the door with wide eyes, like a deer in headlights, as you watched the lock turn and the door open.

fyodor closed the door behind him, and time felt like it was standing still as he stood in front of the door. neither of you moved. you couldn't believe it was real. or you wouldn't let yourself believe it.

"milaya.." fyodor finally said. he spoke the word with a heavy exhale, like he had been holding his breath for so long, only letting it go when he said the name.

hearing him was all the confirmation you needed. lunging up from your place on the couch, and cried out his name, colliding hard against his chest, it was almost painful, but you didn't care. you didn't even think about it.

your legs latching around his waist. it knocked fyodor back, using his hand to brace himself against the wall, and holding you up as tight as he could with his other arm. his time in prison had left him in the worst physical state he's ever been in.

you tried hard to form words, but all that came out was a mix of heavy sobs and cries of his name. and fyodor didn't bother to start a conversation, leaning his body against the door to be able to hold you.

he absolutely reeked. the smell of dried blood, build up of body order, and stale water all mixed together. but just in this moment, you wouldn't have been able to tell that scent from the smell of a basket of freshly picked berries, or the top of a baby's head. to you, with your face tucked into the side of his neck, he smelled like the sweetest thing in the world.

"im home, milaya" fyodor said as your cries turned to soft sniffles and whimpers, his voice was raspy and weak, he sounded out of breath and sickly.

"you're home" you repeated, your own voice shaky, on the verge of breaking into sobs again.

"i'm sorry. i'm so sorry."

fyodor's apology was simple. but 'sorry' was not an emotion fyodor often had the need for. so when he said it, when he said it to you, he meant it.

his apology was met only with another quiet sob, your tears running down the side of his neck, soaking into the collar of the prison attire he was still dressed in. fyodor felt his own eyes burning, his own tears threatening to make an appearance.

he could only imagine the suffering you'd been through this past year. but he knew it was tenfold worse than his own. while he knew that you were alive and well at home, as he was rotting in his cell planning his escape, you had no idea what the state of his well-being was. you spent the last year wondering if your husband was dead or alive.

he never wanted that for you. he took your marriage, his vows to you so seriously. you had been joined in the name of god, and it was his job to protect you from such suffering. he felt like he had failed. fyodor never failed. at least never on something he held so deep in his heart.

"i'm sorry" he said again

there was another long moment of silence, your sniffles and fyodor's shaky breaths as his own tears ran down his face being the only noises filling the air.

it was a while before you took a deep breath and spoke again. "you stink," you said. your blunt words were an attempt to lighten things up. it was a joyful reunion of course, but the heavy fog caused by the suffering of being apart for so long had not yet been lifted.

"i know" fyodor nodded, wiping his face with the back of his sleeve, trying to regain his composure.

fyodor kept you in his arms as he made his way towards the bedroom, using the wall to assist him. his steps were slow, and his legs were shaky, but he didn't once ever think of putting you down until he was able to set you down on the edge of the bed.

he squeezed your hand, firm but gentle, before going to the dresser to grab a fresh pair of lounging clothes.

"i'm filthy, milaya"

"you gonna shower ?" you asked him. he nodded in response. "i didn't get rid of any of your things," you said, getting up to follow him into the bathroom.

"i know" he said with a slight nod, and a little smile. "i know, you didn't"

you sat down on the closed toilet seat, your knees pulled up under your chin as fyodor turned the shower on and began undressing, tossing the prison uniform in the direction of the trash can rather than the laundry hamper.

your heart sunk as you saw the state his body was in. of course you noticed how unstable he was when he was carrying you, but his physical state was a wreck. his skin was shades paler than it usually was. it looked drained of all colors. leaving his body a sick gray color. and he had become so thin, like he had become nothing but a skeleton wrapped with skin. his rib and hip bones stuck out. his body looked like he was a dead man walking.

"i'll be okay, milaya" fyodor reassured you as he stepped into the shower, like he was reading your mind.

you stayed in your place on the toilet seat as you waited for fyodor to shower. you still felt a deep seated worry that this was all in your imagination, and if you left the bathroom fyodor would simply disappear again.

it took fyodor quite a few washes of his hair and body before he finally felt clean. by the time it was done, most of his products were empty.

he turned the water off, and slid open the curtain "could you hand me a towel, please ?" he asked

you nodded, quickly getting up to grab a towel from the rack in the connected bedroom. you handed it to fyodor, who was shivering as he stood naked in the shower, hair dripping wet.

he ran the towel over his head before wrapping it around his waist, and stepping out of the shower. you took your place back on the toilet as he brushed his teeth, scrubbing maybe a little too rough with his toothbrush.

he spit into the sink, spitting up globs of blood along with spit. you watched as he used his hand to rinse out the sink and his mouth with water, before filling a cap full of the mouthwash from the cupboard.

everything in the house was still in the same place as it was when he left home the last time. his hand gripped the side of the sink, groaning in pain as the alcohol based mouthwash burned the tiny cuts in his mouth from brushing so hard. he spit in the sink and rinsed it out one more time before turning off the water, and dressing himself in the comfortable lounging clothes he had pulled out before.

"do you feel better ?" you asked

fyodor nodded, taking a deep breath that seemed to allow his whole body to finally relax as he exhaled it. "much better"

he nodded towards your bedroom "bed ?" he asked. you nodded eagerly, having been so desperate to finally be back in bed with him after so long.

fyodor made his way to the bedroom, taking off all the plushies and decorative pillows off the bed, and placing them down on the ground. and he honestly couldn't think of a single complaint about it. maybe he didn't entirely understand the need for the over consumption of anything and everything soft, but he understood now that this wouldn't be your home without them.

in almost comical, the synced movements you made as you both got into bed and under the covers. you moved as close as you could to fyodor. it still didn't feel close enough. you wished you could merge into him, to become one. you never wanted to be away from him again. you wanted nothing more in the world then to be with him every second for the rest of your life.

"i'm glad you're home" you whispered

"i'm never leaving again" fyodor responded, thin fingers running across your hair

"you promise ?" you asked, your voice shakey, on the verge of tears again.

"i swear my life to god. i am never leaving you again, milaya"

#ꨄ︎ . . . literature #bungou stray dogs #bsd #fyodor dostoevsky #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoyevsky bsd #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoevsky x reader

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chaiihuo · 24 days ago

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𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐥𝐥 . . .

“you’re never a bother, sweetheart. never. you’re the love of my life, my beloved wife. i want you to come to me, to lean on me. i want to help you, to support you through anything you’re going through. that’s my job as your lover. as your husband.”

diluc ragnvindr x fem. reader — sfw. ♡ hurt/comfort ノ established relationship ノ reader has depression & anxiety ノ insecurities ノ fear of abandonment ノ implied trauma ノ implied sh ノ suicidal ideation ノ mention of meds (unspecified) ノ reader has long nails & scars (unspecified) ノ non-sexual intimacy (tender body worship) ノ lots of reassurance ノ endearments: love, sweetheart, darling, wife, good/pretty girl ノ very self indulgent selfship coded vent fic. wc: 12.4k

a/n: reposting from my old blog. slightly rewrote and added some bits. not very proud of this... this fic is based off of me so please be kind, thank you. /ᐠ◞⸝⸝◟ ྀིマ

"love?" diluc's voice called out softly, cutting through the evening stillness.

it was eight o'clock when diluc finally returned home, weary from a long day of managing the tavern and negotiating with business partners. he had looked forward to this moment all day, for the chance to unwind in your presence, to wrap you in his arms and hear the soothing melody of your voice.

you had occupied his thoughts all day. no matter how busy he was, his mind would always drift back to you. he found himself counting down the minutes until he could see you again, constantly wondering what you were doing or if you had eaten.

though he would never admit it, diluc had been caught an embarrassing number of times smiling to himself while at work while lost in thoughts of you. his stoic mask would slip, revealing the tenderness that only you alone had the power to evoke.

unfortunately for him, kaeya was usually the one to catch him in these moments, never missing an opportunity to tease his brother mercilessly about the evident lovestruck look on his face. but despite the playful jabs, there was no hiding the truth — diluc is completely and utterly in love with you.

ever since you had come into his life, the citizens of mondstadt couldn’t help but notice the changes in the once aloof winery owner. diluc seemed to soften around the edges, his grumpy demeanor melting away, especially in your presence. anyone could see that you were his soft spot, the one person who could make him truly happy.

his heart would flutter with a warmth that was once unfamiliar long ago, yet welcome; a feeling he had grown addicted to. you were the one who brought light to his life, a beacon that guided him out of the shadows of his past.

and even though he still maintained his stern exterior with others, when it came to you, there was no denying the way his gaze would soften, how his voice would lose its edge, becoming tender, almost reverent.

there was something incredibly endearing about the way he would steal glances at you during the most mundane moments, or how he’d unconsciously gravitate toward you, seeking your presence like a moth drawn to a flame.

you had become his anchor, the one who grounded him and made him truly feel alive. though he tried to keep his composure in public, he knew deep down that his heart had been irrevocably claimed by you, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

he’d imagine you curled up with a new novel, giggling in delight at some romantic passage, your darling laughter like music to his ears. or perhaps you were in the kitchen, trying out a new recipe, looking utterly adorable in your apron with flour dusting your cheeks.

the mundane concerns of his day began to melt away, replaced by the simple, profound desire to be with his beloved wife. stepping through the threshold of the house you had made a home, he sought you out with eager eyes, longing to be with you once more.

but from the moment diluc pushed open the large oak door of the manor, he could immediately sense that something was off. it was eerily silent and the main floor lacked the warmth of your presence that he had grown so comfortable with.

the crackling fire in the hearth seemed dimmer, the rich hues of the decor duller. the grandeur of the place felt hollow, as if the very soul of the home was missing.

every evening, you would wait by the door, ready to welcome him home with a smile and a sweet kiss. but tonight, the echo of his footsteps was the only sound that accompanied him as he walked through the entrance. his heartbeat quickened with worry, his mind racing with concerns for your safety.

where were you? did something happen?

it felt strange to proceed with his usual routine when such a vital part of it — your presence — was missing. diluc moved through the familiar motions almost mechanically, taking off his boots, removing his coat and hanging it up, all without the eager assistance of your gentle hands.

with a heavy sigh, he surveyed the first floor once more, his gaze searching for any trace of you amidst the empty rooms and silent corridors, half-expecting to find you waiting on the couch in front of the fireplace. however, his search proved fruitless as the feeling of emptiness in the manor remained.

he made his way upstairs, the wood of the stairs quietly creaking under his weight as his feet carried him to find the person his heart longed to be with most.

it was too early for you to have gone to sleep, he thought, so he headed to the manor’s library first, knowing it was one of your favorite spots to wind down, especially in the evenings. upon looking inside the room and finding your usual spot empty, a sense of urgency led him towards the bedroom.

opening the bedroom door, his heart clenched at the sight of you sitting in bed, exactly where he had left you that morning.

the memory of pressing a kiss to your forehead before he left for work flashed through his mind; when you had feigned sleep, not wanting to burden him with the truth of your restless nights and the exhaustion that clung to you.

his concern grew ever more profound as he stood in the doorway, observing you as the soft light from the lamp on the nightstand cast a gentle glow over your form. you looked fragile, like a delicate porcelain doll against the pillows, your eyes distant and clouded with fatigue.

he crossed the room in a few swift strides, his heart aching with the need to comfort you, to banish any weariness that plagued you.

while diluc was out working, the day had slipped by in a haze. you had only managed to leave the bed a few times in order to use the bathroom or to fetch more tissues to quell the tears that had flowed uncontrollably throughout the day. the hours had blurred together and at this point, you didn’t even know what time it was.

you hadn't eaten, nor had you even taken a sip of water since waking in the wee hours of the night, plagued by the belief that you didn't deserve such basic comforts.

the idea of satisfying your hunger — which had long since faded into nothingness — or quenching your thirst were easy to ignore compared to the ache in your heart. each pang of hunger, each parched breath, felt like a penance, a way to validate the guilt and despair that clouded your mind.

nothing seemed to serve as an adequate distraction. the hobbies that once brought you joy now felt like burdensome chores, draining what little energy you had left. your favorite books, once what you considered a magical escape, now lay untouched on the bookshelf. motivation eluded you, slipping through your fingers like grains of sand.

everything felt empty and meaningless.

just as crows strip a carcass down to the bone, guilt persistently gnawed at your mind, picking apart every thought and memory, leaving no peace unscathed. you felt terrible thinking about how, while your husband was out working hard to provide for you, you were just sitting at home, doing practically nothing as you awaited his return.

you truly were useless, weren’t you?

diluc had always told you that he wanted to spoil you, to provide a life filled with comfort and joy. the man who held your heart in his hands did so much for you, more than you felt you could ever repay.

every time you looked around the bedroom and your gaze landed on the tokens of his affection, the thoughtful gifts, and the remnants of his care, a pang of unworthiness pierced your heart.

he showered you with more love, care, and devotion than you felt you could ever deserve.

of course, you appreciated it all — the way he looked at you with those eyes full of love, the gentle touch of his hand on yours, the thoughtful surprises that brightened your days.

but beneath the surface, a constant current of doubt whispered that it was all a waste, that someone else could better appreciate his efforts, someone more deserving of his unwavering affection. even despite his assurances, you couldn't shake the feeling that you were undeserving of such adoration.

for the longest time, you felt like a waste of space, a waste of time, of air, of life. why were you even here? it was a question that had plagued you for what felt like forever, and you failed to come up with an answer no matter how many days or years you spent contemplating the thought.

you didn’t have a purpose, you didn't contribute anything significant to the world, nothing you ever did was meaningful.

what contribution could you possibly make, you mused bitterly, when every endeavor felt futile and every achievement seemed insignificant?

you felt like a mere bystander in the grand scheme of things, an annoying fly that was to be swatted away, an insignificant speck in the vast expanse of existence. your presence felt like an imposition, a burden on those around you, and the thought weighed heavily on your heart.

you felt utterly useless, worthless, and the sense of insignificance had grown unbearably strong — a relentless tide threatening to engulf you in its murky depths.

the only thing you found yourself looking forward to was the escape a deep sleep could offer. you longed for the bliss of unconsciousness, where the pain of existence could no longer reach you. to fall asleep and never wake up seemed like the only reprieve from the relentless storm raging within.

lost in your own head, you hadn’t even noticed when diluc called your name or approached you until you felt the dip of the bed beside you, accompanied by the comforting warmth of his hand atop yours.

your gaze was absent as it was fixed on the same page of the book that had held your attention for the past hour, though you hadn’t absorbed a single word.

it was only when diluc called your name again that you reluctantly tore your gaze away from the book. carefully taking the book out of your hands, he made sure to mark the page you were on before placing it on the nightstand.

"my love?" he reached out, his touch tender as he brushed a stray strand of hair from your face, his fingers lingering against your cheek.

when diluc first entered the bedroom and his keen gaze fell upon you, he had immediately sensed that something was amiss; but the dim look in your eyes as you looked up at him now only confirmed his suspicions.

it was a look he knew all too well, one that spoke of inner turmoil and pain that no words could adequately express.

being the patient man he was, diluc waited. he waited to hear your sweet greeting that never failed to warm his heart, for the soft press of your lips against his cheek that always left him yearning for more. he waited to see the sparkle in your eyes, to spot the adorable dimple that appeared when you smiled at him, a sight that never failed to bring him joy.

but as you kept silent, he knew that none of it would come.

part of him had expected you to move, if not to hug him, then at least to intertwine your fingers with has as you would do practically every time his large hand engulfed yours.

but your body remained motionless, save for the subtle tremble of your fingers. other than that, you had been still. too still, as if the slightest movement could scare him away.

(what a silly thought, considering that the very thing diluc, the man whose unwavering love and devotion knew no bounds, feared most was the prospect of being separated from you.)

after a brief, almost agonizing silence, you finally found your voice, though it sounded foreign even to your own ears.

with deliberate effort, you strained your vocal cords, attempting to infuse your words with a hint of what you hoped would sound like cheeriness to mask the sadness you had been feeling.

“you’re back…”

the choice of words were borne from the depths of your subconscious, as if manifested by the fear that he would one day leave you and never come back.

"i'm back," diluc replied softly. he lifted your hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your knuckles.

“how are you, my love?”

you forced yourself to give him a smile, to appear happy because you truly were glad to see him despite the heaviness that weighed on your heart. though your lips curved upwards, your smile didn't quite reach your eyes, and he could easily see through your façade.

“’m fine,” was all you could offer, but he knew you were anything but. of course he knew. he knew you too well, knew the depths of your soul better than anyone else.

he didn’t need to ask to know that you weren’t feeling well; the man had a sixth sense for you. he had memorized every nuance of your being, every subtle shift in your demeanor, every little micro expression. he could sense the tension in your shoulders, the restless fidgeting of your fingers, the barely perceptible furrow of your brows.

before he could say anything to inquire about your mood, a knock at the door interrupted the moment. it was elzer, informing the young master that there was important paperwork that required his immediate attention.

diluc hesitated, his face contorting into a conflicted expression as he prepared to tell his butler that he would get to it later, wanting to prioritize you above all else. but before he could voice his decision, you spoke up.

"it's okay. go, luc. i have to take a shower anyways."

your words were meant to reassure him, but you both knew they were a lie. you had bathed together just last night; there was no real need for you to bathe again so soon.

still, you forced a smile and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, urging him to go even though every part of you wanted him to stay.

"really, it's fine."

(you didn’t want to hold him back. you already felt like you were doing that far too much.)

diluc's hand lingered on yours, his thumb brushing over your knuckles, hesitant to leave you alone. he wanted nothing more than to keep you company, to be there for you when you were clearly feeling down, but if there was one thing he knew about you after knowing you as intimately as he did after all these years, it was your fiercely independent nature.

you had never been one to lean on others, having navigated life's hardships mostly on your own. help was a foreign concept to you, something you had rarely received and thus, struggled to accept.

diluc understood that sometimes, you needed space and some time alone to process your emotions, and the last thing he wanted was to add more pressure to the weight already bearing down on your shoulders.

with a heavy heart, he reluctantly let go of your hand and rose from the bed. he bent down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering for a moment longer than usual.

"i’m sorry, love. i'll try to make it quick. when i'm done, we can cuddle, and if you’d like, i can read to you before bed as well, okay?" he whispered, gently caressing your hair.

after giving him a nod, diluc made his way to the door, turning back to look at you one last time before heading to his study to tend to the urgent paperwork elzer had mentioned.

you appreciated his understanding, his respect for your need for solitude, grateful that he never held it against you. it was one of the many reasons you loved him so deeply.

as he closed the door behind him, every fiber of your being desired to call out to him, to beg him to stay and hold you through the storm that raged inside you.

but you remained silent, watching him go with a brave face, even as your soul cried out for him.

as diluc sat in his study, he could hardly focus on the paperwork before him. his mind was clouded with worry, every thought consumed by you.

the quill in his hand felt heavy, the ink on the parchment blurring as his eyes kept drifting towards the door. every fiber of his being yearned to return to the bedroom, to hold you in his arms and soothe your troubled heart.

but he knew you needed time — time to process, to gather your thoughts, and to feel ready to share what weighed so heavily on your mind.

the study, which was ordinarily a haven of tranquil concentration, seemed suffocating on this particular night. the flickering candlelight cast long shadows across the bookshelves that lined the walls, filled with your favourite novels, as well as his own.

but even the familiar comforts of his surroundings could do little to alleviate the anxiety that gnawed at him. he ran a hand through his hair, his thoughts returning again and again to the pained look in your eyes, the way your body had seemed to shrink, as though you sought to vanish from sight entirely. the memory tore at his heart, and he had never felt so helpless before.

with a sigh, he pushed the papers on his desk aside, leaning back in his chair. his gaze fell upon a small, framed photograph on his desk — one of the two of you, taken on a blissful day when your smiles were radiant and your laughter filled the air.

he traced the outline of your face with his fingertip, longing to see that beautiful smile of yours once again.

you missed him terribly. it had only been ten minutes since he left, but your heart ached with a longing for his presence that felt almost unbearable.

but wouldn't it be selfish to disturb him while he was immersed in his important work, just because you wanted to see him? to feel his strong arms wrap around you, offering the comfort and warmth you craved?

doubts gnawed at you. what right did you have to crave his affection after greeting him so gloomily when he returned home, weary from a long day of work?

your body ached from staying in place for so long, the stillness casting a heavy weight upon your limbs until they seemed to lose all sensation.

you forced yourself to get up and a wave of dizziness engulfed you, disorienting your senses and causing your legs to quiver beneath the weight of your body.

you took a moment to find your balance before leaving the sanctuary of your bedroom, venturing into the dimly lit hallway as each tentative step brought you closer to diluc’s study.

when you finally reached the door, you paused, your knuckles reluctantly hovering above the polished wood, poised to knock but not daring to quite yet.

for what felt like an eternity, you stood frozen in place, chained down like a hostage to your own doubt and regret.

perhaps you should just turn back, you thought. the last thing you wanted to do was disturb him. he was likely deeply immersed in paperwork and didn't need the distraction of your presence.

a small, cruel voice in your head whispered that he probably didn't want to see you anyway; that your melancholic mood would only burden him and waste his time.

without even realizing, you had knocked on the door. it was as though your body had a will of its own, begging to bridge the distance between you and your beloved husband.

you stood there, heart pounding in anticipation before you were startled out of your stupor by the sound of diluc's deep voice resonating from behind the door.

"come in," he beckoned, his voice like a siren's song drawing you closer, a beacon of warmth and reassurance in the midst of your turmoil.

hesitantly, you grasped the doorknob with a shaky hand and pushed the door open, stepping into the study where the air was thick with the scent of parchment and wax, the only illumination coming from the flickering candles and soft flames dancing in the hearth.

you couldn’t go back now, not after making your presence known. it would only worry diluc even more if you had seeked him out and then left without a word.

the door felt as heavy as your heart as you held it open, quietly stepping inside. as you slipped through, the soft click of the door closing behind you echoed in the room, breaking the peaceful silence that enveloped diluc's study.

his gaze lifted from his desk, locking onto you with a softness that threatened to make you crumble on the spot.

“i told you that you don’t need to knock, my love. you’re welcome to come in whenever you wish.”

your head hung low as you nodded meekly, inwardly berating yourself for causing him even the slightest inconvenience.

“r-right, sorry…”

a furrow etched itself onto diluc's brow upon hearing you apologize for something so inconsequential.

in one fluid motion, he pushed his chair back and rose from his seat. he made his way over to you, realizing you wouldn't approach him given that you were still standing hesitantly by the door, as if unsure of whether you were welcome or not.

"you have nothing to apologize for, my dear."

there he stood in front of you, so close yet seemingly so far away, his presence casting a magnetic pull that both drew you in and pushed you back.

you couldn't help but question why he bothered, especially after the dismal greeting you had offered him upon his return from a hard day of work.

a pang of guilt twisted in your chest as you recalled the dullness of your own voice, the weariness etched into your features when he first entered the bedroom.

surely, he must have sensed the burden you carried, the weight of your troubles hanging heavy in the air like a storm on the horizon. you had wanted to get up, to smile and to give him a kiss, but your body just wouldn’t cooperate.

despite it all, he was here, standing in front of you, his eyes attentively searching yours for answers.

in that moment, you questioned what it was that kept him tethered to you, when you felt so undeserving of his love and attention.

you didn't dare to meet his gaze, your focus consumed by the desperate urge to distract yourself from the panic rising within.

your sharp nails dug into your arms with an intensity that could draw blood; it was an anxious habit you developed to push away the mental turmoil by bringing forth a distraction of physical pain — and a bad one, if the scars littered across your body had anything to say about it — a habit you had been berated for time and time again.

as diluc drew nearer, you braced yourself to be reprimanded, for harsh words to be thrown at you, but he never yelled.

instead, his hands, strong yet infinitely tender, gently took hold of your arms to prevent you from further hurting yourself.

his fingers trailed a delicate path along your skin until he reached your hands, his thumb brushing over your knuckles in a gesture of quiet reassurance.

his hands were steady, a stark contrast to the tremors that had seized your own, his touch a grounding force that pulled you back from the brink of your self-imposed isolation.

"my love?" his voice was a whisper, laced with concern and unwavering devotion as he gently lifted your chin up to cup your cheek with his large hand. "what troubles you so?"

when you finally met his gaze, you wanted to claw your heart out, to get rid of all the awful feelings you were experiencing, but the flesh and bone protecting it rivaled the strength of diluc's love.

speak. just say something. tell him that you're okay.

all your life, you had been called mature and strong, so why, in this moment, did those traits elude you?

his concerned gaze rendered you vulnerable, boring into your soul and stripping away the façade you so meticulously crafted, leaving you exposed and raw.

you had always hated being vulnerable in front of others, but with diluc, it was different. he was the exception, the one person you felt comfortable enough to let your guard down around, to reveal the raw depths of your emotions without fear of judgment or rejection.

but despite your unwavering trust in him, you couldn't bring yourself to hold his gaze as tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill over onto your cheeks. you dropped your head, trying to blink away the tears that clung to your lashes, not wanting him to see you in such a pathetic state.

you felt your throat tighten as you fought to find the words to reassure him, to ease the worry etched into the lines of his face. but try as you might, your voice failed you, lost amidst the tangled web of emotions that threatened to consume you.

just why was it so hard for you to do something as simple as speaking?

the frustration gnawed at you, a relentless reminder of your inadequacy.

why could others so effortlessly express their feelings while you remained trapped in silence, struggling to find your voice?

you longed to be normal, to communicate without the heavy weight of anxiety holding you back.

was that really too much to ask for? it wasn’t fair.

you had always struggled to connect with others, to make friends. you spent most of your days on the sidelines, watching others interact with ease in a vibrant world that seemed unattainable to you.

it’s as if you were an animal locked in a zoo, a ghost in its cage laid prisoner to its thoughts, barely hanging on while everyone else around you laughed and smiled — a stark contrast to the loneliness that haunted your every waking moment.

you didn't possess a heart of gold like others. instead, your heart felt tainted and clouded with self-loathing, convincing you that you truly were the most horrible person to ever exist.

you despised the fact that you didn't possess the ability to always be kind and sweet. you loathed the coldness and bitterness that sometimes seeped through your words and actions, even when you longed to be warm and tender.

gods, you were inadequate in every sense of the word.

you had always been uninteresting, the person no one cared to pay attention to, the invisible soul that blended into the background, the one who faded into the periphery while others shone brightly. conversations seemed to flow around you, never including you, and you couldn't remember the last time you felt like you truly belonged.

could you really blame them when you were so boring, so utterly unremarkable?

still, there was one person who saw through the masks you wore in order to fit in. diluc, with his unwavering love and deep understanding, saw the true you, the person hidden beneath layers of insecurity and doubt.

he saw the woman who had the sweetest giggle and the most endearing smile lines. he saw the little girl inside you, the one always eager to help others and ramble about her interests, the one who had so much love to give. he saw the little girl who loved to dress up and pretend to be a princess, but to diluc, it wasn’t pretend.

to diluc, you were always a princess, and he treated you as such, cherishing you like a precious gem. he was your knight in shining armour, always there to protect you, to lift you up when you felt low, and to remind you of your worth when you doubted it the most.

he was perfect. he was all that you could ever wish for and more.

every time you looked at diluc, you marveled at how someone so extraordinary could be yours. you truly felt you didn’t deserve him.

the ragnvindr was so strong despite all he had been through, so kind despite all the hardships he had faced. his strength was not just in his muscles, but in his spirit, in his capacity to love and to endure. he was so selfless, never expecting anything in return for his care and hard work, even when he would go so far as to put his life on the line to protect his city and loved ones.

why did such a wonderful man choose you of all people? what did he see in you, a girl who felt so ordinary and flawed? he could have had anyone, yet his heart had somehow found its home in yours.

why, why, why? the question had repeated over and over in your head like a broken record with its needle stuck in a groove.

you have never felt yourself to be adequate, even on the most superficial level.

you have never been fond of your appearance, finding it a daily struggle to even glance into a mirror. this discontent has sown the seeds of numerous insecurities within you, taking root deep within your heart.

what exacerbates these feelings is the relentless habit of comparing yourself to others. every woman around you appears to be so much better — more beautiful, with captivating personalities. they moved and spoke with an ease and elegance that you felt you could never emulate.

you always experienced a gut-wrenching envy when you observed other women. seeing them speak with such ease and confidence, their words flowing effortlessly without a single stumble or stutter, made you feel incompetent and foolish.

you wished you could be like them, to have that natural poise and eloquence. instead, every time you opened your mouth, you felt a tightening in your chest, your words tangled and unsure.

it was as if the very act of speaking was a battleground, where you fought a losing war against your own anxiety. it made even the simplest conversation feel like a daunting task.

but what hurt the most was not just the envy, but the belief that these women possessed something inherently better, something you lacked. their assurance and attractiveness seemed unattainable, and each comparison chipped away at your self-esteem.

not to mention that you weren't even a noble like your husband. well, technically, you now were by virtue of your marriage to diluc, but you couldn't help but feel like an imposter among the graceful and refined noblewomen who graced mondstadt's high society. you felt like a misfit in their world, an outsider looking in.

you were nobody, really. you were nothing of importance. all your life you had been invisible, so why was it that he had noticed you? why had this remarkable man chosen you out of all the women he could have had? you couldn’t understand.

for god's sake, you needed to take eight pills every day just to function; each one a bitter reminder of your weakness and shortcomings.

you constantly found yourself staring at the various pill bottles on your nightstand multiple times throughout the day. you had enough to last you months.

the sight of them, with their labels and neatly arranged rows, seemed to beckon to you with a promise of escape.

they were there, always there, waiting patiently like old friends who knew your deepest secrets and darkest thoughts. you would trace your fingers over the lids, thinking that perhaps it was time you’d try again, perhaps you would not fail this time and that you’d get the eternal sleep you so desperately longed for.

you were just so tired. tired of questioning your existence and everything about yourself, tired of feeling everything and nothing all at once, tired of feeling so inadequate.

surely, diluc was starting to get tired too, right? surely, dealing with your dismal states and constantly having to reassure you had become an annoyance to him. surely, he would be better off without you.

you couldn't find the strength to pretend like you were okay any longer. it was all too much to bear. you felt overwhelmed, suffocated by the weight of your own misery and ashamed of your inability to keep it all together.

and just like that, as diluc held your hands and looked at you with eyes full of the love you didn't know if you deserved, the dam finally broke and you burst into tears.

"i-i’m sorry..."

(i'm sorry for the way that i am. i’m sorry for being hard to love. i’m sorry for burdening you. i’m sorry that you have to deal with me when i’m like this. i’m sorry it’s hard for me to express myself. i’m sorry i’m not good enough. i’m sorry that i’m holding you back because you deserve better. i’m sorry i hide parts of myself from you. i don’t want you to see how ugly i truly am.)

bringing your hands up to cover your mouth, you choked out trembling words between sobs. "’m so sorry, diluc…"

“sweetheart…” diluc’s heart broke at the sight of you trying to suppress your sobs. he immediately wrapped his arms around you, bringing you close to him and allowing you to rest your head against his chest as he pressed a kiss to your hair.

“come here. it’s okay, it’s alright.”

he was gentle with you, holding you carefully in his arms as if you were a delicate piece of glass that might shatter if he held on too tight. the two of you just stood there for a while as you cried into his chest, your tears soaking through his shirt. each and every one of your choked apologies were met with soft shushes and reassuring whispers.

he opted for running his fingers through your hair, the tender motion meant to calm your racing heart. he caressed your head gently, his touch familiar and comforting. the gesture, one you often used to soothe him during his own moments of turmoil, was now his way of trying to bring you the same peace.

he didn’t push for an answer, nor did he demand an explanation as to why you were behaving this way. instead, he held you close, offering you the space and safety to all the stress that had been building within you for god knows how long.

when your sobs gradually faded into quiet hiccups and sniffles, he decided to test the waters, his voice gentle as he broke the silence.

"how about we go to bed, sweetheart?" he murmured. "we can change into something comfortable and then we can talk about whatever you want, hm? how does that sound?"

all you could manage in response was a slight nod, still struggling to find your voice. it seemed you weren’t ready to talk yet, and that was okay. he would wait for you, for as long as it took. he would always wait for you.

he moved his hand to your hips, his touch gentle as he sensed the trembles that still coursed through your body. it was evident that you were struggling to find the strength to stand on your own as you leaned your weight against him, your legs shaking beneath you as they threatened to give in.

before your legs could give out completely, diluc acted swiftly, hooking an arm under your knees while supporting your back. he effortlessly lifted you up into his arms and carried you bridal style, causing a soft yelp of surprise to escape your lips.

“w-wait! your work-”

“i cannot focus on work when you are so upset, love. you matter more than my work ever could. i would drop everything just to make sure you are okay, and that is what i will do now.”

the man was determined to make you feel better and was not going to let you belittle your own needs. you didn’t have the strength to keep protesting, to insist that you were fine and that you could walk on your own, so you gave in and let yourself go limp in his embrace, nestling into his chest and surrendering to the security of his strong arms as he carried you to your shared bedroom.

pushing the door open with his hip and shutting it behind him with a soft click, he made his way inside, his steps silent on the plush carpet. gently, he placed you down on the edge of the bed, ensuring you were comfortable before heading to the closet.

his fingers traced over the familiar fabrics until he found it — your favorite nightgown, black and made of pure silk, decorated with lace embellishments.

as he retrieved the nightgown from its place, he thought back to the countless times you had worn it, the way it hugged your body and made you look ethereal in the moonlight. draping the nightgown over his arm, he returned to your side and settled beside you on the bed.

he placed the nightgown on the side, turning his attention back to you. “would you like to talk about it now, sweetheart?”

as much as he didn’t want to push you, diluc knew that you needed a gentle nudge when it came to opening up about what was bothering you. his concern had been growing over the past few weeks, each subtle shift in your demeanor deepening his worry.

he noticed it all. of course he noticed.

he noticed how your gaze lingered on the hilt of the knife for far too long when you were preparing dinner. he noticed how you’d place pans of cake batter in the oven without wearing your oven mitts, not caring if you risked getting burned. he noticed how you’d distantly stare over the edge of starsnatch cliff, not to look at the birds and clouds above, but down at the drop below.

every little thing you did, every time you dissociated, every sigh, he noticed it all. and more than anything, he wanted to help.

“come now, tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

diluc had cracked the code when it came to your feelings, an ability that both amazed and frustrated you. you appreciated his insight and understanding, the way he could unravel the complexities of your emotions with just a glance.

but at the same time, you hated it. you cursed how effortlessly he could decipher the turmoil within you, how he could see through your façade of strength and know that something was amiss.

deep down though, you knew that he only wanted to help. you knew that his ability to see through your defenses was a testament to the depth of his love. he cared enough to pay attention, to notice the subtle shifts in your mood, and to offer his unwavering support when you needed it most.

with a deep breath, you attempted to relax your tense muscles as you shifted on the bed. panic surged within you, the dread of having to confront your problems threatening to overwhelm you, but your nerves began to calm as you felt diluc place a hand on your thigh, letting you know that he was there for you.

unable to summon the courage to meet his gaze, you kept your eyes trained on your lap, your fingers fidgeting nervously as you struggled to find the right words. sensing your anxiety, diluc gently nudged you once more, giving your thigh a soft squeeze.

“what’s bothering you, dear? you know you can tell me anything.”

you let out a heavy sigh, biting your lip. “it’s silly-”

“it’s not silly if it’s bothering you so much, my love,” diluc countered, his tone firm but gentle. “i don’t care if it might seem silly or pointless. i want to know what’s on my wife’s mind.”

his words were like a lifeline, a reminder that your feelings were valid and worthy of being heard. with a shaky breath, you summoned the courage to speak.

"i just… i feel so worthless," you confessed, your voice barely a whisper. "you do so much for me, and i can't help but feel like i don't deserve it. all the gifts, the care, the love… it feels wasted on me."

diluc's heart ached at your words, at the fact that you’ve been keeping these thoughts bottled to yourself for so long. he placed his hand atop your own, stilling your fidgeting fingers. as he began to speak, he kept his voice low yet filled with conviction, knowing that you were sensitive at the moment.

"my love, you are anything but worthless,” he started. “you are the light that brightens my darkest days, the warmth that fills my coldest nights. your presence in my life is a gift beyond measure, and i cherish every moment we share."

"and you are never a waste. everything i do, i do because i love you. i want to see you happy, to give you the life you deserve."

tears began to well in your eyes as you scrambled to find your next words, wanting to get rid of the heavy load in your heart.

“i don’t deserve you. you’re too good to me, diluc, i…” your voice wavered, and a tightness gripped your throat as memories of the harsh words fed to you when you were just a girl came rushing back.

“i-i’m horrible. i’m not sweet or kind or lovely. it feels as though… as though there’s something inherently wrong with me. my mother was right, wasn’t she? i’m not a good person. i’m rude, insensitive, selfish…”

stop. stop bothering him. you’re just going to chase him away with your negativity.

you could almost hear your mother’s voice echoing in your mind, taunting you with those painful memories.

“no one will ever want to stay with you because of the way you are.”

the words clouded your thoughts, leaving you a desperate mess. tears streamed down your face, mingling with the shame and fear that had taken root in your heart.

you couldn’t bear the thought of losing him, the one person who made you feel truly seen and loved and understood. you clung to diluc’s hand like a scared child, your voice breaking as you pleaded with him.

"i-i’m sorry, please don’t leave me. i’ll be better, i promise…"

it felt as if diluc’s heart was being torn apart as he watched you crumble, your insecurities laid bare before him. he could see the little girl inside you once more, the torment in your eyes, the fear that his love for you was conditional, that he would abandon you as others had.

his expression softened, his eyes filled with an overwhelming tenderness. he gently cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away your tears with a care that made your heart ache. “my love, look at me.”

“i need you to understand something,” he began, his voice steady and soothing. “your mother’s words were cruel and undeserved. they do not define you. you are more than the pain she inflicted upon you.”

“you are kind, thoughtful, and incredibly strong. you have been through so much, yet you still find it within yourself to love and care for others. that is not the mark of a bad person. that is the mark of a beautiful soul.”

you shook your head, the tears flowing freely now. how could he consider your soul to be beautiful when it was so tainted? your lower lip trembled as you listened, every word sinking into your heart and fighting against the old wounds that had festered for so long.

“but i-”

“no buts.” diluc interrupted you, firmly yet gently. seeing your tears, his gaze softened even further as he tilted your head up so you could look up at him.

“you are not rude or insensitive. you are not selfish. and you are definitely not horrible. you have been hurt, many times, by many people, but i'm here for you now, my love. i’m here, and i’ll do everything in my power to take care of your wounds, to take care of you.”

“b-but i feel so selfish–”

“then be selfish,” he interrupted gently.

“be selfish with me. you deserve to feel cherished, to know that you are the center of my universe. i would do anything for you. it is a privilege to care for you and spoil you. you should know that, love.”

“but i take so much from you,” you whispered, your voice cracking. “i’m always needing something — your time, your patience, your love. how can that be fair to you? i don't want to burden you. i want to be better for you."

diluc leaned in, pressing a kiss to your forehead tenderly. “you are not a burden. you are my wife, my love, my everything. i vowed to be with you in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow. your struggles don’t make me love you any less, they make me love you more because they show me how strong you truly are. you are perfect just the way you are, i promise you.”

“but what about your needs? what about what you want?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper, filled with uncertainty.

“my needs are fulfilled when i see you happy, when i can hold you and shower you with love. you are my most precious treasure, and i want to give you the world. please, let me love you without reservations. let me love you as you deserve.”

his eyes, filled with love and a determination that melted your defenses, bore into yours, grounding you in the moment.

“you think it’s selfish to need me? to want me? your husband? let me tell you something, darling. it’s not selfish to rely on the person who loves you. it’s human.”

sensing the flash of doubt in your eyes, he continued. “you give me more than you realize. your love, your presence, the way you look at me as if i’m your entire world —that’s everything to me. every smile, every touch, every moment i get to spend in your presence… it’s worth more than anything else.”

“i don’t want you to hide your feelings from me,” he spoke steadily. “let me be your strength when you feel weak, your solace when you feel lost. we’re in this together. you are mine, and it’s my honor to be here for you, to cherish and love you.”

your hands clutched at his shirt, holding on as if he were the only thing keeping you from drowning. and in many ways, he was. his love had the ability to pull you back from the brink of despair.

"i just want to be worthy of you, diluc…"

pulling you close to his chest and settling you gently on his lap, he whispered against your ear. "you already are. you always have been. just let me love you, all of you. let me be there for you.”

he caressed your hair, his fingers moving with a tender determination, as if each stroke could erase the pain etched into your heart.

“can you tell me something, sweetheart?” he asked, his voice as soft as velvet, coaxing you to open up. you nodded in response, sniffling.

“what made you start thinking this way? did someone say something to you?”

your husband’s touch was reassuring, his presence making you feel so safe that the words came tumbling out before you could even think to stop yourself

“’m just scared…” you whispered, your voice trembling. “i’m so scared that– that one day you and everyone else will see me the way i see myself and realize that i’m not worth anything.”

his eyes softened even more, if that was possible, and he held you tighter, his embrace a fortress against your fears.

“oh, my love,” he murmured, his breath warm against your temple. “you have nothing to be scared of. i see you, all of you, and i love you more than words can express. you are worth everything to me.”

“but i feel so… broken,” you admitted, “like i’m never going to be enough.”

he pulled back just enough to look into your eyes, his gaze steady and unwavering. “you are more than enough. you are my heart, my soul, my everything. do you know what i see when i look at you?”

you gave him a shake of your head.

“i see the woman who makes my life worth living. the woman who gives me strength when i’m weak, who loves me unconditionally. i see the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with.”

no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't understand how he could love someone as flawed as you. "b-but i can hardly talk normally. i stutter. i'm no good. and i'm so bad at expressing my feelings…"

he gently caressed your cheek, guiding you to look up at him, wanting you to see how sincere he was. “well, isn’t that what i’m here for, love? to help fill in the spaces when you need me to? besides, i find it absolutely adorable when you get excited to tell me about something or get shy and stutter.”

to him, your shy stammers and hesitant speech were endearing, reflections of the depth and complexity of your character. he loved the way your cheeks flushed when you were nervous, the way your eyes flickered with determination as you fought to express yourself. to him, you were perfect in your imperfection.

“when you get excited and your words tumble out in a rush, or when you blush and stumble over your sentences, it makes my heart swell. it shows me just how deeply you feel, how passionate and genuine you are. you don’t need to be eloquent or poised to convey your feelings to me. i understand you, every part of you, even the words that are left unspoken.” he smiled sincerely, his thumb tracing soothing circles on your cheek.

tears welled up in your eyes again, but this time they were tears of a different kind — tears of relief, of hope, of the fragile beginnings of belief. your tears began to fall in earnest now, not from sadness but from the overwhelming rush of love and gratitude you felt for this man who saw you so clearly, who loved you so completely despite your insecurities.

“why?” you whispered, your voice trembling. “why do you love me?”

he smiled, a tender, loving smile that lit up his face. “because you are everything i could ever wish for and more. you are my heart and soul, the one who completes me. loving you is the easiest thing in the world because you are the most incredible person i’ve ever known.”

“i don’t see any flaws when i look at you,” he whispered, brushing away your tears. “i see a woman with a heart full of love, a spirit that’s stronger than she knows. you don’t have to be perfect, my love. just be you, because that’s the person i fell in love with.”

for so long, you had stifled your tears, burying your sorrows deep within your heart, afraid of revealing the vulnerability that lurked beneath your façade of strength and being reprimanded for it.

you had become adept at hiding your tears, mastering the art of silent suffering in the dead of night, but tonight was different. tonight, the weight of your emotions were too heavy to bear alone.

the weight threatened to crush you, and you found yourself unable to contain the torrent of feelings surging through your veins. the walls you had painstakingly built around your heart began to crumble, and with each shattered fragment, a raw, unfiltered cry tore from your lips.

as your body trembled with pent up emotion and your throat constricted with unshed tears, you found yourself unable to contain the overwhelming despair that threatened to consume you.

with a choked sob, you freed yourself from the chains of silence that bound you, allowing the floodgates of your emotions to burst open. for the first time in what felt like an eternity, you wailed and wept without restraint, the sound of your cries echoing in the silent bedroom. it was a sound born of anguish, a lamentation of pain and sorrow.

you no longer cared who heard your cries, for in that moment, you knew that diluc would be there to catch you, to hold you close and soothe your shattered soul. in his arms, you found solace, a sanctuary where judgment held no sway and love reigned supreme.

"you don’t have to hide or pretend with me," he whispered, his lips brushing against your temple. "i love you just as you are. in your messiness, in your moments of doubt, in your quiet strength."

once your sobs subsided into soft sniffles, diluc gently pulled back, his lips tenderly kissing away the remnants of your tears. "you must be exhausted, my love. let's get you changed into something more comfortable."

with practiced ease, he helped you out of your clothes, leaving you in nothing but your undergarments. as he sat before you, he paused, his eyes drinking in the sight of you, his precious wife.

"you're so beautiful. my pretty girl." he smiled softly and leaned down to press a tender kiss to your forehead.

you frowned, imagining how disheveled you must look right now with swollen eyes and lips, disheveled hair and red nose. "i'm a mess."

"mess?" he chuckled softly, his fingers gently brushing a stray lock of hair from your face. "more like a work of art. you're gorgeous. i couldn't look away even if i wanted to."

you tried to protest, to shake your head and deny his words, but the sincerity in his eyes silenced you.

"i mean it," he continued, his thumb gently brushing away a stray tear from your cheek. "every part of you is beautiful to me. you think i don't love the sight of you in my arms, so vulnerable and emotional in front of me? you think i don't cherish the trust you show me when you cry in my arms?"

"you are beautiful in every moment," he continued, his gaze never wavering from yours. "when you laugh, when you smile, and yes, even when you cry. it shows me that you trust me enough to let me see your pain, your fears, your deepest emotions. that trust is the most precious thing you could ever give me. when you let me in, when you allow me to hold you and comfort you, it's the greatest gift you could ever give me. it means more than anything else in the world."

you looked into his eyes, seeing the depth of his understanding and the unwavering devotion that lay within them. his words made your heart ache with a bittersweet mixture of love and disbelief.

how could he see beauty in your tears, in your brokenness?

you had been bare before your husband countless times, but that familiarity did little to soothe your insecurities in this moment of vulnerability. you wanted so badly to object, to insist he was mistaken and that you were far from beautiful. you let your head hang low as your arms instinctively moved to wrap around yourself in a futile attempt to cover your body and hide, fearing he might take notice of all your flaws.

he sensed your distress, and with a gentleness no one but you would believe a man of his demeanor could possess, he moved your arms away, intertwining his fingers with yours.

“look at me, love. don’t hide from me, please. let me admire you. let me love you. let me show you how much i cherish you.”

you hesitated, but his voice held such sincerity, such unwavering adoration, that you couldn’t help but slowly lift your head to meet his gaze.

“good girl,” he praised softly, his words sending a flutter of warmth through you as he ran a gentle hand down your arm.

you were so bare, so vulnerable before him with your scars on full display. some had healed, leaving behind only faint, painful reminders of past sorrows. though barely visible, they never escaped your husband’s perceptive gaze, nor did they evade the tenderness of his touch. some were newer, bearing a reddish hue, akin to the color of the eyes that gazed at you with such profound love.

you wanted so badly to hide, to pull your arms behind your back so that diluc wouldn’t see how you had failed to keep your promise to him when you gave in to your urges and punished yourself in moments of deep loneliness.

he would never forget the fear that gripped him that day — the way his heart froze, then plummeted to the depths of his stomach when he arrived home later than usual and found you curled up in the corner of the bathroom. the sight of you shaking, drenched in tears with the floor and the fabric of your nightgown stained by dried blood — your blood — was enough to bring him to his knees. the memory was seared into his mind, a reminder of how fragile you could be.

he had promised to always be there for you, to protect you, even from the demons within yourself, and yet, in that moment, he felt like he had failed. no matter how much time passed, he would always scold himself for not being there sooner, for letting you fall into that dark place alone. it haunted him, the image of you broken and hurting while he was helpless to stop it.

but now wasn’t the time to dwell on that day. he was here now, and he’d do anything, anything within his power to take away your pain, to make sure you never feel like you have to suffer alone and in silence again.

as diluc held your arm, you wished fervently for the sheets to engulf you, to conceal the shame that gnawed at your heart. he felt the tenseness in your body, the slight pull of your arm as you tried to escape his observant eyes, but diluc’s grip was unwavering, his fingers firm yet tender as they held your wrist, drawing you nearer.

your voice came out in a broken whisper as he surveyed your scars, silently begging him to look away. “they’re ugly…”

diluc shook his head, his voice resolute. “no, they’re not.”

he lifted your forearm to his lips, tracing a delicate path of kisses along the lines of your scars. “every scar, every mark, they are a part of you, and i love them because i love you. they are a sign of your resilience and strength. they are nothing to be ashamed of.”

tears welled up in your eyes as you watched him shower your scars in love. “how can you not be disgusted when you look at them? when you look at me?”

he looked at you intently, his expression completely sincere. “if only you could see yourself the way i see you, my love. how could i ever be disgusted when i gaze upon you? i adore every single inch of you.”

he shifted closer, his fingers trailing lightly over your skin as if memorizing the landscape of you. “i see every part of you, and i cherish it all.”

his voice was low, reverent, his thumb brushing along the edge of a scar, not in pity but in admiration. “you’ve come so far, endured so much, and you’re still here. that, my love, is a beauty beyond measure. you are beautiful to me, and i love you, scars and all.”

his words wrapped around your heart, soft and warm, causing it to stutter in your chest. for a moment, you couldn’t breathe, your breath catching as the weight of his love settled over you. the way he said it, with such conviction, such unwavering love that is reserved only for you, made you want to burst into tears once more.

tears blurred your vision, but they were no longer heavy with sorrow. instead, they were tears of relief, of being seen, truly seen, and loved despite it all.

“y-you’re not mad at me? for… for this?” the timid question escaped your lips, barely audible. it was so quiet that diluc might have second-guessed whether you had spoken at all if it weren’t for the fact that he knew you so well.

he shook his head once again. “no, i’m not mad, sweetheart. i could never be mad at you. i’m just concerned and worried about you. i understand that you were struggling, but i just wish you had come to me if you were in so much pain. you don’t have to suffer alone.”

a wave of guilt and shame washed over you, and you lowered your gaze. it was a habit you had since childhood, a way to make yourself small, to will yourself not to exist. “i-i didn’t want to bother you…”

his words caused your lips to quiver.. “i-i’m sorry, i’m really sorry…”

he gently shushes you, each one of your apologies feeling like a dagger to his heart. “my sweet love, don't apologize. i’m not upset with you. you don’t need to be sorry, okay?”

“i’m here now,” he whispered, voice thick with emotion as he pressed a tender kiss to your forehead. "i’m not leaving your side. ever. i’ll protect you — always."

he couldn't change the past, but he could be here now. and he would never let you feel that kind of hurt again, not as long as he lived.

diluc continued his journey, trailing kisses down your forearms to your wrist, stopping to press a kiss to your pulse before threading his fingers with yours.

"i love the feeling of holding your hand," he murmured, "it fits perfectly in mine. like you were made for me."

he lifted your hand to his lips, pressing tender kisses to each of your knuckles. "these hands… they've given me so much. so many wonderful things."

he gently pried your hand open, pressing a kiss to each of your fingertips. "they've braided my hair, held my heart," he continued, his lips lingering on your skin, "and touched me in ways no one else has ever had the privilege of."

his eyes met yours, filled with a depth of emotion that made your breath catch. "they've caressed me, comforted me, tending to my wounds in the late hours of the night with the utmost care and precision."

"not to mention they've made the sweetest pastries and most delicious meals for me," he added with a soft chuckle, his lips curving into a tender smile.

he continued to hold your hand as he brought it to his chest, right over his heart. "these hands," he said, his voice barely above a whisper, "are the hands of the woman i love. they are strong, gentle, and endlessly giving. and i will spend every day showing you just how much they mean to me."

his gaze drifted to the ruby ring adorning your finger, its deep crimson hue catching the light of the room. "and this ring…"

his thumb traced the delicate curve of the gem, admiring the craftsmanship of the custom made wedding ring he had the honour of slipping on your finger years ago.

"it's a symbol of my love and commitment to you. a declaration to the world that you're mine and only mine, and i am yours."

he rested his forehead against yours and couldn’t help but melt as he gazed into your big, doe-like eyes.

“your eyes could put the stars to shame,” he murmured, his voice filled with awe. “i could never get tired of looking into them. i want to get lost in them. they are absolutely captivating.”

as he admired you, his fingers absentmindedly took hold of a strand of your hair, twirling it around his finger.

"when you lie beside me, your hair tickling my face, and your soft breaths against my skin, i feel complete. your hair is so fluffy, perfect for me to run my fingers through, especially when you lay on my chest.”

his hands moved to cup your cheeks, his thumbs tenderly tracing the contours of your face.

"your cheeks are so soft, so kissable. i adore watching them turn rosy whenever i tell you sweet things.”

his eyes continued to roam your features, drinking in every detail.

“and have i told you that you have the cutest nose, my love? the little mole on the tip is simply adorable. it makes me want to lean in and press a kiss to it whenever i see it. in fact—”

he leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to the tip of your nose, making you giggle softly.

“see?” he whispered, his lips lingering just above yours. “even your laughter is a melody i could listen to forever.”

at the sight of the shy smile that spread across your face, he closed the distance between the two of you, his movements slow and deliberate. with the gentlest of touches, he pressed his lips against yours in a soft, tender kiss.

“how can someone have a smile so captivating, a kiss so sweet?” he whispered against your lips, his voice a mere caress. “i could kiss you all day and never tire of it, my love.”

he deepened the kiss, his hands finding their way to your waist, pulling you closer, as if to merge your very souls. each touch was a promise, a vow to cherish every moment, to revel in the warmth and tenderness that only you could evoke.

pulling back, he rested his forehead against yours, relishing the feeling of holding you in his arms, where you belonged. he rubbed your back soothingly, adjusting himself to rest his chin atop your head so that he could hold you even closer.

“your skin is so soft, like velvet rose petals,” he murmured into your hair. if it were up to him, he would spend hours just caressing every inch of your skin, exploring your body and mapping it out, every dip and curve, every crevice, memorizing every last bit.

his fingertips glided gently along your spin, tracing invisible patterns. “i could lose myself in you,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe and reverence. “every inch of you is a masterpiece. i want to memorize every scar, every beautiful imperfection.”

his hands moved with a reverence that made your heart ache, tracing patterns along your back, your shoulders, your waist. “you’re like a work of art. every time i touch you, i discover something new, something that makes me fall in love with you all over again.”

he pulled back slightly to gaze into your eyes, his own filled with a fierce yet tender longing. “you are my sanctuary, my haven. when i hold you, the world fades away, and all that remains is us. your beauty, your warmth, they are imprinted in my very soul.”

his hands continued their tender exploration, lingering on each delicate curve as if he were committing it to memory.

“i want to know every part of you, every secret your body holds,” he murmured, his lips brushing against your ear. “i want to learn the language of your sighs, the melody of your heartbeat. you are my everything, and i will spend every day of my life proving it to you if i must.”

he pressed a soft kiss to the nape of your neck, his lips lingering as if reluctant to part.

“let me love you endlessly,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “let me show you just how precious you are, how deeply you are adored.”

and with that, he let his actions speak where words fell short. his lips found yours in another tender kiss, a soft, lingering touch that conveyed more than any words ever could.

his lips then trailed a path of gentle kisses down your neck, each touch soft and reverent, as if worshipping the very essence of you.

"you are so beautiful," he breathed, his voice filled with awe and adoration. "so incredibly beautiful."

his hands, strong yet oh so gentle, roamed over your body with a reverence that made your heart ache with love. his touch was soft, as if he was afraid you might break, but it was filled with a passion that spoke of his deep, undying love for you.

he kissed your shoulders, your collarbone, his lips lingering over every inch of your skin, mapping out your body with a devotion that made you feel cherished, adored, and most importantly, loved.

he pulled you closer, his arms enveloping you in a cocoon of warmth and safety. every kiss, every touch, was a testament to his love, his need to show you just how much you meant to him.

your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer, needing to feel him, to lose yourself in the depth of his love. he responded with a soft, hushed murmur of your name, his voice thick with emotion.

"you're mine, body and soul," he whispered against your lips, his breath mingling with yours, "and i love you more than i could ever express."

with his arms wrapped around you as you clung to him, you allowed yourself to believe, if only for that moment, that maybe — just maybe — you were worthy of the love and adoration he so freely gave.

once diluc deemed you thoroughly showered in his love and saw the spark return to your eyes, he gently helped you into your silk nightgown, the smooth fabric cool and comforting against your skin.

his hands lingered on your shoulders for a moment, his touch reassuring and tender, before he stood from the bed, stepping back to admire you. he smiled at you before breaking the comfortable silence, reaching for something he had left on the dresser.

“now, i got you something.”

you looked up at him, a mixture of shock and surprise flooding your features. just moments ago, you had been crying over how this man spoiled you too much, and here he was, ready to do it again.

“w-what? diluc, you didn’t have to-”

“shh,” he shushed you gently, a soft smile playing on his lips. “i wanted to. plus, don’t think i can’t tell that you haven’t eaten all day, love.”

he placed a small box in front of you, and you immediately recognized it to be from the bakery that you both loved to visit.

he opened the box, revealing the fresh slice of red velvet cake inside. “your favourite. i would’ve given it to you earlier, but i know you don't like eating when you’re upset.”

you couldn’t stop the tears from welling up again at his endless thoughtfulness. “you remembered?”

he chuckled softly, “of course i remember your favourite cake, sweetheart. i remember every little thing about you.”

taking a piece of the red velvet cake on a fork, he held it up to your mouth to feed you, his eyes warm and encouraging. "please eat, love. for me?"

without hesitation, you leaned in and opened your mouth, accepting the bite of cake he offered. a tear slipped down your cheek as you chewed on the fluffy treat, savoring the rich, velvety taste. "’s good…"

diluc's free hand reached up to wipe away the tear with a tenderness that made your heart ache with love. "i'm glad you like it, love," he murmured, his thumb brushing your cheek.

he continued to feed you, taking a few bites of his own as you insisted he share with you. you savored the sweetness of the cake, but even more so, you cherished the man before you, whose love seemed boundless.

as the evening wound down, diluc made quick work of tidying up and changing out of his work clothes. before he could join you in bed, he stopped by your nightstand, glancing down at your book that he had put aside earlier.

“would you like me to read to you, love?”

your heart fluttered at his thoughtful gesture. although you adored hearing his voice weave through the pages of your favorite stories, sleep was beginning to tug at you. you shook your head slightly, extending your arm toward him with a weary smile.

“no, it's okay… can we just cuddle?”

he smiled fondly before settling beside you, the mattress dipping under his weight. “of course we can cuddle, sweetheart. come here.”

he pulled you into his embrace, your bodies fitting perfectly against each other. you sighed contentedly, snuggling into his bare chest and listening to his steady heartbeat. the warmth of his skin against yours and the gentle rise and fall of his chest were the epitome of comfort.

“rest, my love,” diluc murmured against your hair, his voice a soothing whisper. “you’re safe in my arms.”

with a sleepy murmur, you whispered back, “thank you, diluc. for everything…”

(thank you for loving me.)

he pressed a gentle kiss to the crown of your head, pulling you even closer. “always, my heart,” he replied softly. “always.”

(there’s nothing i wouldn’t do for you.)

your eyes fluttered shut, and just before the veil of dreams enveloped you, you heard diluc’s voice once more, gentle and filled with tender affection.

"sweet dreams, my love. i love you."

thank you for reading ♡

#archives ₊⊹#oh....#i have no words...#this was so beautiful #im weeping in ways ive never weeped before #it was so gentle #and warm #and soft....#oh...#oh how i wish to be loved like this...#'i have no words' yet i continue to say words #every word was just so fitting #like tiny puzzle pieces all coming together to make something so beautiful....#you couldn't just see it #but you could feel in ur soul #that every word of this was written with so much heart and love....#never have i enjoyed reading something so much in my life...#reblogging this on this account so I can look at it over and over and over forever

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