#it used to take 5mg to calm me down

[snapewives-supremacy]

I keep trying to compartmentalize and then randomly feeling like imma spontaneously combust with the pent up kinetic energy of my emotions zooming around the control console like Anxiety at the end of Inside Out 2

[nohoney]

thinking of touya pounding me down, sweetness😁 (horny on my bday yikes HAHHA)

aaahhh happy birthday my love (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

warnings: drug use (weed -> edibles), smut, some degradation

Smoke billows in the air after you blow out your candles and a cheesy round of the happy birthday song is sung around you, cameras pointed at you to take pictures and videos to save and post and tag you later on social media. The first slice of cake of course goes to you, your eyes roll back a little at the first bite and smiling afterwards. It’s light and airy, just like how your mind feels right now.

You’re high as fuck.

It doesn’t take much to get you there; a little edible gummy of a mere 5mg THC will get you and anything more ends up making you go to sleep, no matter the strain. So you’re lucid enough to mingle and have a conversation but high enough that your mind falls off track sometimes and you end up giggling and asking, “Wait, what?”

The party ends towards midnight and despite the temptation of continuing the party to another venue, Touya leans into your ear to remind you that you were the one that didn’t want to party too late.

“Yeah well that was sober me and she wasn’t having fun at the time she said that.”

It takes a bit of back and forth but you relent eventually, bidding your friends goodbye before getting into the passenger seat of the car. Your friends playfully boo at Touya with little jeers of c’mon, it’s still early!

“Birthday girl was the one who said she wanted to be done at this time, I’m just following my lady’s rules.” Touya dismissively waves off the playful boos, bidding the others goodnight before getting into the driver’s seat.

In the drive back to the apartment, your music is played at a gentle volume and your head lolls against the headrest. You sink just a bit into the seat your eyes are set on your boyfriend. His side profile is beautiful, his eyes glancing to the mirrors to check that he was safe to merge into the next lane.

You cling to his arm as the two of you walk the path inside the complex back to home. A part of you wants to sit on the swings of the playground but you know that the chains aren’t oiled and the squeaking would definitely disturb the neighbors nearby.

“Fuckin’ finally, come the fuck over here.” Touya says out loud with relief and pulls you to him as soon as the front door is locked. You have no idea how riled up he was watching you during your party, his eyes admiring the short dress you wore. God he wanted to go up behind you and just rut his cock against your ass a couple of times. He had to excuse himself for a smoke here and there, sometimes he’d have to go inside the restroom to calm himself down.

But now he’s got his pretty girl all alone now.

The zipper is pulled down and loosens the dress, you’re shrugging off the straps to it and Touya’s hands assist in shoving the dress off your body and to the floor. It’s kicked to the side and Touya practically pushes you to the wall, one hand holding your face and squishing your cheeks a little as he looks down at you.

“My baby, my pretty doll…”

God, you love this man.

He kisses you silly, takes you to bedroom, and asks what you’d like him to do to you.

“Can I choke on your cock, please?” you phrase it as a request but you and him both know that you’re gonna get whatever you want tonight, “Fuck my face? Want it really bad, Touya!”

He can’t say no to you, especially not on your birthday of all days.

So your wish is granted and you’re on your knees, looking up pitifully as Touya roughly fucks into your mouth, into your throat. When he tells you to open your mouth wider, you do it. When he says to stick your tongue out and licks his balls when he’s got you pressed to the base, you do it. When he tells you to just fucking take it, slut and to be a good girl for him, you do.

You’re a mess of tears and spit, coughing and sobbing a little when Touya pulls you off his cock. He gazes at you at first, watching the teardrops fall from your eyes and drool drip off your chin. He can’t help but think you’re such a pretty thing when you’re dick drunk.

“You know, it was cute to see you at your party. All high and stupid and forgetting what you were talking about with our friends.” Touya comments and pulls you back to his cock again, tapping the tip against your lips. “I like when you’re all dumb.”

“‘M not dumb.” You mumble before wrapping your lips around your boyfriend’s cock again. His cock glides smoothly into your mouth, the thickness of his cock a familiar thing for you as he touches the back of your throat.

Touya’s hand briefly pets your head before he holds your head in place. His hips fuck into your mouth, his cock fucking into your throat again and a fresh new set of tears well up in your eyes. You can’t think when your mind is so dizzy and heady, when all you can do is just be used and talked down to.

“Fuck, look at you! My pretty doll, you look so fucked out and I haven’t even touched your pussy yet!”

You cough and sob out his name when he lets you off his dick again, your body exhilarated and your mind still feels the high. Your boyfriend’s pretty cock is so slick and wet thanks to all your spit, weakly grasping it in your hand and stroking it as you beg, “Please Touya? Please, fuck me?”

He practically throws you to the bed, pulling off panties and your bra in haste that get carelessly tossed to the floor. You choose the position, holding your legs open for your boyfriend and your pussy on display for him. Enthusiastic can barely describe his actions as he discards his own clothes, pushing his cock quickly into you that makes you yelp in surprise, “Ah Touya!”

It’s delicious the way your warmth wraps around him, tight and perfect for him. What’s even better is that your pussy flexes around his cock, just a brief signal before wetness envelopes around him. You already came but he’s just getting started.

Your nails scrape down Touya’s back as he fucks into you, your voice muffled into his shoulder as you do your best to suppress your sounds. He mutters into your cheek, “Scratch me harder, fuck make it hurt!”

Touya can barely keep in his own groan when your nails dig a little firmer into his skin and drag down. He can imagine the bleeding red lines already, the pain spurs him on and he grits his teeth as he concentrates on you. He jams himself balls deep into you, his body shuddering as you cum around him again. He’s a little too excited that he worries that he’ll cum too quickly but you’re too high and blissed out that he knows that you wouldn’t care.

He wants to last a little longer for you though and what isn’t helping is that it’s your face that makes him want to cum quickly. You’re all gorgeous when you’re fucked out and stupid, your glassy eyes rolling back and then focusing in again to get your bearings back.

Touya maneuvers you into the position he wants, turning you to lay on your side and propping your leg over his shoulder before pushing back into your cunt. You let out a whimper when you’re filled again and you cum on his cock.

He pistons himself into you, drinking in your little sounds and your breathless pleas for him to utterly wreck you.

Touya intends to, grabbing your limp wrist and directing your hand towards your clit. “Touch yourself.”

You rub messy little circles on your clit, adding to the onslaught of pleasure that spikes higher and higher in your body. It’s so goddamn wet in between your legs, it’s almost pathetic how you cry that you think you can’t cum anymore but your body is saying differently. “I know you can keep on cumming, don’t fucking like to me!” Touya grunts, his brows pinching as he tries to hold himself together.

“I can’t!” You whine and your hand tires out, “C-Can’t!”

You’re put onto your back again and Touya fucks at just the right angle that’s hitting that spongy little spot that makes your eyes roll back again. He has to clasp one hand over your mouth while the other one presses down on your lower belly. Because he knows that it does this-

“God! Fucking—fuck!” Touya cusses when your orgasm hits you stronger this time, clenching down on his cock before cumming more intensely. He fucks you through your orgasm, reaching that high point of ecstasy as you cry into his palm.

Touya! Touya, I love you! is muffled beneath his palm and your watery eyes look up at him. He’s ruthless in his pace as he chases his high since you’re fucked stupid from experiencing yours, your head even higher in the clouds thanks to him.

So he says all the nasty shit on his mind, watching as you nod your head in agreement and whimper little sounds still into his hand.

“God, you looking so dumb right now. Fucked your brains out baby? You all stupid now?” He asks and he’s answered with a little muffled mmhmm. “My stupid lil doll, huh? All it takes to make you so sweet for me is my cock, ain’t that right?”

His hand slides off your mouth but moves to grasp your neck, his fingers pressing into the sides and watching as your mouth drops open and you mewl his name.

You’re a fucked out mess, the most pretty mess that gives him sass and loves him so intensely that he feels like he knows real love with you. And Touya laughs a little himself, delirious on how intoxicated he is over you before he finally empties himself into that precious cunt that he’s been fucking for the last few years of his life.

Thick ropes of cum fill you, overflowing out of you that Touya should pull out but he keeps himself stationed in you until he catches his breath. He reaches behind him for the shirt he flung off his body, always knowing to keep at least one piece of clothing nearby and he tucks it underneath you before pulling out.

It leaks out of your well fucked cunt and Touya admires it for a brief moment, only snapping out of it when you whine and your hips shift slightly. He wipes you clean and he leans over to kiss your forehead, muttering ‘happy birthday’ and pulling back to discard the cumrag into the laundry basket.

You get up to pee after finally collecting yourself, the high long gone when Touya fucked it out of you, and when you come back to the room, he holds out a little box from your favorite bakery towards you. “Wanna eat cake in bed?” He offers.

You blow a single candle on a piece slice of strawberry cake, the smoke billowing from the tip of the candle where the flame is and Touya tells you again, “Happy birthday.”

[chip193-anesthesia]

Induction

You’re sitting in one of those Barco chairs, already changed into your gown, cap, and booties.  The pre-op nurse has been over and collected her data, started your IV, and covered you with the blanket from the warmer.  I’ve been over to see you and discuss the anesthesia plan and we’ve agreed to general anesthesia.  I left your chairside for a few minutes, telling you that the room isn’t quite ready and that I’ll be back when it’s time to go inside.

 About 10 minutes later, a nurse in a green scrub dress and purple cloth scrub cap comes over and talks with you for a few minutes.  She verifies your procedure, your ID band, and a few other questions.  As she reaches the end of her checklist, I reappear, but with a surgical mask over my nose and mouth.

 “Any questions before we go inside?”

 You shake your head no.

 “Walking or riding?”

 “I’ll walk”

 The circulating nurse and I help you stand up and wrap the blanket around you.  She puts her surgical mask on and we guide you into the surgical suite and into the second room on the right.

 As you walk in, you see the table in the middle of the room, a couple of people at a table in the back of the room, one of whom is already in a sterile gown and gloves, and the anesthesia machine.  We guide you to the table.

 “I just want you to sit on the side of the table.”

 You follow the direction perfectly.  I then untie the top of your gown and open it.  I place the 5 electrodes from the heart monitor onto your back, directly opposite where you would expect them on your chest.

 “Let’s get you to twist and lay back.”

 We help you bring your legs up and then help you bring them up onto the table.  As you start to lay back, you’re just shy of the doughnut.

 “Scoot on up the table for us, until you feel my hand on your shoulder.”

 You do exactly as I ask and after a short scoot, my right hand in on your shoulder.  The circulator covers you with a heavy green sheet as I start to unsnap the sleeves on your gown.  She then places the safety strap over your hips.

 I position your left arm onto the arm board and place a strap over it.  I then attach the LR to the saline well that the pre-op nurse started in your forearm.  You feel the cool fluid entering your vein.  I take a few syringes from the tray on the anesthesia machine and turn to you with them.

 “Just a little something to help with your nerves.”

 You sigh, knowing that your heart is racing a bit – about 100 times a minute.  You then nod at me.  I take the first syringe, which you read the label as “FENTANYL 50mcg/ml”.  I screw it onto your IV and slowly start to inject 2 ml. As I finish the injection, about a minute later, you start to feel the medication helping you to calm down a little. You look a bit more relaxed, too. And your heart rate comes down into the 80s.

 I then turn my attention to getting the rest of the monitors on you.  I take the blood pressure cuff and place it on your right upper arm, then strap your arm to the arm board.  The cuff starts to inflate and get tight.  I then place the oximeter onto your right ear lobe and as soon as I do, the monitor starts to beep with each beat of your heart.

 “Ready to breathe a little oxygen?”

 As you nod, you hear me don a pair of gloves then take the black mask and attach it to the breathing circuit. I turn to the machine and dial the oxygen to 10.  You feel my gloved left hand under your chin, bringing it back just a little.  Then the mask comes into view and gets closer to your face.  As it touches the bridge of your nose, I smile under my mask.

 “Nice big breaths. That’s it.”

 I encircle your nose and mouth with the mask and hold it in place firmly, but gently.  As you breathe, the bag on the machine deflates with each rise of your chest and inflates with each fall of your chest.  After a minute or so, I bring the tails of the mask harness up and strap the mask to your face.

 I then take the second syringe which you read as “REGLAN 5mg/ml” and I screw it onto your IV and start to inject it into your IV fluid.  It takes me a couple of minutes to inject it.  You start to feel a bit drowsier.  As I finish it, the blood pressure cuff inflates again.

 I look back at the monitor and you seem to be a bit more relaxed.  Your heart rate is in the mid-70s, blood pressure looks great, and you look more relaxed than you did when I gave you the fentanyl.

 “Time for a little gas to help you relax a little more.  Keep with the nice deep breaths.”

 I turn back to the anesthesia machine and lower the oxygen to 5 and turn the nitrous to 5.  It takes a breath or two, but you start to smell the sweetness of the nitrous on top of the rubber of the mask.  You start to feel a little tingling at the ends of your fingers and toes.  With each breath, the tingling becomes more intense and travels up into your hands and feet.  And, your nose and face start to tingle too.  I’ve turned to the anesthesia machine and turned the nitrous to 7 and the oxygen to 3.

 “You’re doing really great, and it’s time to go odd to sleep.”  I rub your right shoulder.

 I reach back to the vaporizer and turn the sevoflurane to 4.  After a breath, you start to smell the lemony-chemical smell on top of the sweet rubber of the mask.  I let you take a few breaths, then turn the vaporizer up to 8.

 “Off to sleep now. Nice big breaths.”

 With your next breath, you seem to feel like you’re sinking into the table.  Even the ambient noises, like the instruments clanking together, seems to be further away.  You take another breath and that big light fixture above you looks like it’s moving a little.  Your eyelids get really, really heavy.  And with the next breath, your eyelids close.

 “See you in the recovery room.”

[nathank77]

4/13/24

12:28 a.m

So I'm still worried that I was percribed a placebo for Xanax because I was percribed hydroxyzine to take at bedtime although it was for seasonal allergies.

I'm mostly worried bc my Xanax didn't have a sticker on top saying, "keep away from children." However today when I picked up my testosterone, it usually has that sticker too... and it didn't. Maybe they ran out of stickers? I'm not worried my testosterone is a placebo cause like my body can't make that shit, I still have all my, "parts," and I would start making estrogen. There is no way she would percribe me a placebo for testosterone...

Why do I think she would for Xanax?

1) Well it's a benzodiazepine. And I'm on 1MG nightly.. she has it written up as for anxiety instead of insomnia but maybe that's bc the sleep dose is .50MG. And anything above is for anxiety/other things. It might be just for insurnace coverage.

2) If you look up hydroxyzine for seasonal allergies- it's mostly perscibed for being itchy, or anxiety before procedures. Although it has been shown that daily use of it overtime can be very effective for seasonal allergies. And it's sedating so maybe she just doesn't want me taking it before I start my day bc it can sedate you.

3) Technically it's not illegal to percribe placebos. However it's looked at as unethical and can damage the relationship between client and physician. Although she wants to see me monthly bc she's clearly not just my PCP, she's also my Psychiatrist at this point.

4) I have black hairy tongue and shes aware of it and the pubmed article that said 10 days of discontinuing Xanax resolved the black hairy tongue. At my last appt I said the benefits outweighs the side effects and i have no interest in switching to another benzodiazepine.

-So I am going to do a test. I have my disability appt at 1:30 on Tuesday the 16th.

Usually I would take 1MG before an early appt by cutting one full pill in half, making a chunky half and then take the biggest half I have from the oldest bottle. The halves are always small so it's about 1MG in Total maybe .8 or .9MG between the two pieces.

- On the 16th instead of taking my chunky half with the biggest half from an older bottle I'm going to take 1MG straight from the potential placebo bottle.

1) I'm going to assume its a placebo. Which if it is that will make it not work. If it isnt effective since I'm used to .5MGS, 1MG I will know it's a placebo. As if it's a placebo I'll know it is. No doubt. Bc 1MG is very powerful in comparison to .5MG.

2) I'll still do my whole bedtime procedure and all that.

3) I will take it on my circadian rhythm too, like I have been. I'll actually take it 30 minutes earlier than normal. Normally i take it at 5 a.m. My last 1MG I took at 4:30 a.m..

I was fighting my eyes by 5:30 a.m. by 5:42 a.m I closed my eyes and I must have been gone by 6 a.m MAXIMUM.

Worst case it's a placebo and I don't sleep and I attend my disability appt and sleep the next night....

Best case its the real thing and I pass the fuck out, I can't mix half of it with the biggest half from the oldest bottle cause the other half could be responsible for knocking me out...

If I don't pass out I'll know damn well its a placebo. And I will contact her over email on mychart and say, ever since the last script, I've been struggling to fall asleep. I was passing out within 2 hours every night up until that last bottle and she will make sure I get the good stuff for the next script.

- I'm worried she thinks that hydroxyzine can replace my Xanax, bc it treats anxiety and can sedate you.

What's the likelihood it's a placebo?

It prob isn't but going into it with a higher dose than I usually take cause I'm actually taking .5MG a night, taking that 1MG is majorly different on a weekly basis. I feel it within 15 minutes as long as I take it on my circadian rhythm.

-either way the only way I'm going to calm down about the lack of a sticker, and the hydroxyzine script being percribed at bedtime which is actually common cause of its sedating effects, is by doing this test.

- if It is a placebo I will know cause I'm going into it saying it is, and it'll either incapacitate me or it'll be useless, the power of a placebo is not knowing its a placebo. That's the funny thing.

- I didn't believe Xanax would knock me out when I first started taking it. I thought I was a shoe in for sedative hypnotics. I figured benzodiazepine were weak baby shit for insomnia. Well I was WRONG. Benzodiazepines are LIFE SAVERS for Insomniacs.

So yea if it is a placebo it'll do jack off shit. I won't sleep that night, I'll make my disability appt and I will email her saying I haven't been sleeping and idk why bc the same dose of a benzodiazepine for years can work for insomnia, it's actually a miracle drug. I will bring up that I know the same dose remains effective long term and I don't know why I've been struggling to sleep bc I wasn't at all before. I'll play stupid but smart at the same time. So she will surely perscribe the real shit for my next batch on the 20th...

- I'm thankful i have so much more than I need bc if it was a placebo then I still have something to fall back on.

- the problem is I have so much Xanax that I haven't even cracked the bottle other than to count my pills. If I waited until I needed to Crack the bottle it would be by the 18th, two day before I "used" my whole script.

[letstherevenant-blog]

Living Allergy-Free in the UAE: My Journey and What Helped Me !

Hey fam, let's talk allergies! Living in the UAE, we're all too familiar with that pesky pollen, dust, and who knows what else lurking around causing us to sneeze, wheeze, and scratch like crazy. If you're tired of feeling like a walking tissue box, I hear you! That's why I wanted to share my experience with Desloxan 5mg, a medication that's been a lifesaver for me in managing my allergies.

What is Desloxan 5mg?

It's a prescription medication containing Desloratadine, an antihistamine that helps block histamine, the main culprit behind allergy symptoms. Think of it like putting a shield up against those allergy nasties! ️

What can it help with?

Allergic Rhinitis: Sneezing, runny nose, and stuffy head got you down? Desloxan 5mg can help clear things up and let you breathe easy again.

Seasonal Allergies: Pollen season making your eyes water and nose itch? Desloxan 5mg can be your springtime (or any season!) savior.

Hives: Those red, itchy welts making you miserable? Desloxan 5mg can help calm them down and bring back the smooth skin.

Other Allergic Reactions: Dust, mold, or mystery triggers bothering you? Desloxan 5mg can ease symptoms like itching, sneezing, and congestion.

What's the good stuff?

Fast Relief: Start feeling better within 1-2 hours, say goodbye to that allergy fog!

Long-lasting: One daily dose keeps those allergy monsters at bay for 24 hours.

Generally Well-tolerated: Desloratadine is known for being gentle on most people.

Important things to remember:

Talk to your doctor first! Desloxan 5mg is a prescription medication, so it's crucial to get your doctor's green light before taking it. ‍⚕️

Don't overdo it! Stick to the prescribed dosage and don't double up without your doctor's okay. Too much of a good thing can be, well, not so good. ‍♀️

Everyone's different! What works for me might not work for you. Talk to your doctor about the best allergy management plan for you.

Disclaimer: This post is not a substitute for medical advice. Always consult your doctor before taking any medication, including Desloxan 5mg.

So, there you have it! My two cents on Desloxan 5mg as a weapon in the fight against UAE allergies. Remember, you're not alone in this battle! Let's all breathe easier and enjoy the beauty of the UAE without our allergies holding us back.

I hope this post provides helpful information and sparks a conversation about managing allergies in the UAE. Feel free to share your own experiences and tips in the comments below!

[jonathan-cranes-mistress-of-fear]

Depression Tips from Someone who is Currently Beating Depression (plus some anxiety stuff mixed in)

Keep a schedule, but start small. Plan one thing you do every day and build from there. For me. it was watching an episode Game Grumps at 4:00pm. From there I would schedule other activities around my “treat” and this helped me fill the day with more than just lying in bed.

Speaking of bed, don’t let anyone shame you for sleeping more. Depression takes it tole on your body and sometimes all it needs is more rest. That said, getting up and doing something else, no matter how small, even just moving to a char, will have a better impact.

Wash your face!! Don’t worry about facial cleansers, just water a a clean wash cloth. Try to do this twice a day if you can. It does wonders.

In order to get out of a panic attack quicker, name things around you that you can sense. What do you hear? What do you see? What do you smell? What can you feel? Ground yourself in reality.

Brush your teeth. Even if you only do it at bedtime, and if you have the energy, try flossing and using a mouthwash (I use ACT kids watermelon flavor because it’s more fun, making me WANT to use it) Your teeth and dentist will thank you.

Positive Self Talk. My therapist taught me to counter negative feelings with positive ones, even if they don’t correlate, try saying something positive about you or your life if a negative feeling comes up. It does work if given enough time. Keep doing it, over and over.

Depression lies to you, it is always lying. More often than not, you are a victim and your trauma is not your fault. You did those things because you had no other choice, you were just trying to stay afloat.

Of course, you should take accountability for yourself hurting someone else, but if the only one hurt is you, do not put pressure on yourself.

Create something! It can be so cathartic! And guess what, it doesn’t have to be a drawing or a story, you can make a gif or edit your favorite photograph in photoshop. You can have a journal, or perhaps bake something! Create Create Create!!

Don’t be shy about asking for medication, like a good therapist, you have to find the right meds. Sometimes it’s more than one pill, or a “cocktail” of medications that will help. Some anxiety stuff helps with depression, and vise versa. (also don’t be shy in asking to take more or less of a certain medication if needed, but consult your doctor first before trying anything at home!)

If you have to quit a depression medication, (I’m sure this is the same with anxiety medication, but don’t quote me) you CAN NOT quit cold turkey. That can make things worse. You have to titrate down, meaning you have to take the dosage in increments. (10mg > 5mg > 3mg)

Baths can be difficult, but if you spruce them up with some fancy bubble bath or a nice bath bomb, it can be viewed as a treat.  In the same vain, do something fun while shower, but some shower crayons and draw on the walls! Make it enjoyable.

Treat Yo’ Self. My treat is a birthday cake flavored cupcake and some of my favorite of juice. You can make your special treats anything! Treat yourself daily if you can, use that expensive lotion, or spurge some of your savings on a collectable. Even if your treat is something small, like a snack at the gas station, do it. No matter how small, if you can find a reason to feel joy, you’re doing it right.

Ask for help, even if you’re asking for something small to begin with. (Sometimes the little comforts help more than anything) Don’t keep your feelings bottled up, talk to a professional if you can afford it (there are places for those of us who are low income, and they can help you with payment plans. Therapy doesn’t have to cost hundreds of dollars)

Yes, you are allowed to switch therapists and shop around. When I went to therapy, the first session was very general and didn’t delve into my problem.s. It was me simply feeling out the therapist and seeing if they were right for me.  The best thing that happened, was the fact that she suggested a different therapist who specialized in art therapy. We clicked instantly.

In ADDITION to medication, there are supplements that can help with depression and anxiety. Do some research and see if adding these into your routine would be right for you. (Important Note: don’t rely on these alone to help like actual medication, they are as the name suggests, supplementary. And what works for one person, may not work for you. Experiment.)

Find reasons to get out of bed, whether that be feeding your pet, or hugging a sibling, watching your favorite TV show in the living room, or watering plants in your garden. Sometimes caring for others helps you care for yourself.

Get some fresh air if you have the energy. Open a window, or sit outside for five minutes in the sun. Soak it in if you can. Take a trip with a friend to do some errands, and leave the car window down so the wind hits your face. Nature is healing.

Drink lots of water! Juice is okay, and any drink is better than nothing but a fresh glass of ice water can be very refreshing and calming.

Wear clothes that make you feel good. Wear that nice pair of underwear (Bonus tip: changing your underwear every day even if you don’t want to will help so much. a clean pair is so nice!!) or your favorite fuzzy pajamas. Maybe you have a favorite shirt or hoodie. Wear it! Find reasons to smile.

[emeto-things]

Trying to calm down from a full blown panic attack. I felt a bit n*, but n* comes and goes sometimes so I was trying not to stress it. I put on my pressure point bands. I felt like I needed to use the bathroom, so I had a BM but it was a bit d*. Then I still felt n* and then I had that thought of, “Oh god, what if this is a SV*?” And panic ensued. The n* increased so I ran to take my Promethazine. I took off my pants because I was suddenly so hot and put an ice pack on my chest. I’m listening to the anti-n* frequency and smelling the essential oil inhaler. In a fit of rage and frustration, I started to cry. I can’t live like this forever. I absolutely dread the day my kids get a SV*. I don’t know how I’ll survive it. My husband suggested going back into therapy, maybe even into looking for ways to cure it like hypnosis or something. And I think that is a really good idea. I’m 13 weeks and 1 day so luckily the symptoms are starting to subside as I enter the 2nd trimester. I lower my Celexa dose to 5mg when I’m pregnant for the baby’s sake, but I may increase it back to 10mg. Because I can’t live like this. I’m having panic attacks at work. Mild, and short, but they’re there. I’ll have thoughts like, “I’m kinda n*, what if I get s* in front of a client?” And then I have to finish the transaction and try to pretend like I’m not absolutely fucking freaking out and struggling to swallow and breathe. In that moment I feel trapped, like I used to in high school in the classroom. An absolutely awful feeling. I almost want to take a day off tomorrow, having someone watch Autumn so I can just rest. And look into therapy options. I haven’t taken a sick day since September 2020. And that was just the 1 day. I think I’ve only taken like 2 or maybe 3 sick days since the 3 years I’ve been at this job. I won’t do it though. I don’t have the guts. I don’t know. I’m also just struggling mentally still with the loss of Willow. I’m so afraid something will go wrong again this pregnancy. Every appointment feels like a death march. I hear stories of babies’ hearts stopping at 20 weeks, 28 weeks, stillborn babies. And I think god, it will be a miracle if this baby is born alive. I’ll say this, if something (god forbid) WAS to happen again, I am never going through this again. I am not going through morning s*ness, all of that, for nothing. I can’t. I have a living daughter and she will be enough. Anyway, thank you for listening to me rant. It’s therapeutic to write it all out. I hope everyone is doing well. - Kaitlyn

[veganicious]

CBD Gummies Near Me: Where to Buy CBD Edibles For Sale?

CBD gummies are a form of CBD edibles. These contain foods that are therapeutic compound CBD. Gummies or other edibles can be an easy, tasty, and have different way of ingesting CBD. Basic reasons for taking CBD include pain management and stress relief or reducing depression. CBD gummies have the potential to act as a strong antidepressant without any side effects. CBS is available with many variations some main are these:  Full-spectrum CBD is the first variety of CBD that contains some trace amounts of tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), produces the “high” effect. Broad-spectrum CBD: This CBD Edibles for Sale contains all the phytochemicals plant but no THC then the other variation is an isolate that is purest of all varieties of CBD.

CBD helps and hinders the symptoms of anxiety and CBD for beginners is easy to get used to this. CBD deals with the body to calm down the stressed muscles. CBD Edible helps people with anxiety may find it helps them feel more pain-free and relaxed.

Then the major question arose that what quantity and method should be adopted to take CBD. It is very simple and manageable. First of all, it depends on what purpose, a person is taking CBD and there CBD Edibles for Sale have further ways of taking CBD. It can be in ointment, injections, or other ways. 

Buy CDB Edible from many online available CDB stores and not only this there are also international sites for the CDB beer Gummies Products. CDB gummies are tastiest of all our present CBD products, our CBD Gummy Bears are the perfect, fastest, and secure delivery method for CBD users on the go. This is available With 5mg of CBD per gummy, Cherry Gummys  for a beginner. It’s never been easier to ensure a healthy active dose is reached each day, especially with CBD irresistible flavors raspberry and orange are so demanding products. In the development of CBD Gummy bears, it is insured they contain absolutely 0% THC, for guaranteeing safety and maintaining pureness. 

 The CBD industry contains all possible needed products that are popular and even one can think to buy. CDB gummies are available with the reasonable sale and edible CDB sale the product it is. And for that Edible, there is no escape for gummies!

CBD candy is one of the most demanding products of CDB edible and is proving to be incredibly very popular with consumers, also because Of Candy flavor these CDB. In CDB products these candy edible is taking the cake.

Essentially, CBD candy gives pure candy texture with CDB infusion. These gummies are infused with a healthy and thick dose of cannabidiol hemp extract; it is the same one that goes into the development of CBD oils. CBD gummies are of diff varieties full-spectrum or another one that is isolated, depending on manufacturer decision and consumer demand. There are, also flavored CBD oils that you can, and are used to buy for covering the taste, but there taste are often quite subtle and quick, that do not entirely cover up the earthy taste of CBD. However, most people prefer to use a

Consumption method that is much tastier and long-lasting. The obvious and best solution for this is CBD candy.

 CBD gummies are very delicious and almost too easy to eat and easy to take with where ever you want. There is no problem at all in eating too many. Usually, these CDB Edibles for Sale come in a new assortment of yummy and unique fruit flavors.

Not only this, another benefit of these CDB gummies that they are incredibly subtle. You can take them throughout the day and nobody will be any the wiser. 

There are many different methods to intake CDB bear Gummies consumption. While capsules are a good option for this, gummies are even better – nobody will question you snacking on a gummy bear and anybody can use CBD gummies as their food supplement of choice. As CBD has been very safe, non-addictive, and non-toxic, it can be taken by anyone. These CDB Gummies can be available anywhere and can buy CDB bear gummies with CDB candy with just you administer CBD food supplements, therefore these gummies can be the ideal way to do it.

[turtle-to-eternity]

Psychiatric Medications Are Good, Actually

You may think getting prescribed medication to regulate your mood, or improve your focus, or manage your anxiety, is weakness.

Maybe you think you should be able to handle it on your own, and that if you can't it's your fault.

Maybe you think the mental healthcare system just isn't worth it.

None of that is true. Let me explain.

Listen, our minds are projected by our brains. The brain is a physical organ like any other. It's not divine, it's not special, it is just as prone to defect and error as any other part of the human body.

Is a man with no legs weak for using a wheelchair? No.

Is a woman with a missing hand weak for using a prosthetic? No.

Is a person with diabetes weak for taking insulin? No.

Then why would anyone be weak for taking psychiatric medication?

A brain is not supposed to leave you frequently feeling anxious, or self-loathing, or depressed. If it does, it's not working right.

Medication fixes that. Just like insulin fixes a diabetic's high blood sugar. You aren't going to leave a broken leg untreated. Don't try to leave a broken brain untreated.

I have experienced first hand how life-changing psychiatric medication is for those with dysfunctional brain chemistry.

But before we get to that, a story about how even seeking help can be a struggle. And how that should never stop you.

I regret no part of my effort to improve my lot in life. Go to the bottom of this post to see the important point, if you feel uncomfortable reading my story.

So after going a general physician about my numerous mental health concerns, and getting put on Zoloft, I was directed towards a psychiatry office about 45 minutes away from me.

I did not have insurance, and even though I had $10,000 at my disposal I suspect that was why they gave me a nurse practitioner. They gave a first time psychiatry patient a provider that was RIDICULOUSLY underqualified compared to the actual psychiatrist.

Oh boy, did it show.

She started reading questions out from her clipboard, half of which I already answered filling out paperwork, and actively stopped me from talking whenever I tried to expand upon anything relevant to my issues. She could not have given less of a damn about my concern.

Of course I gave '9's and '10's to questions relating to mood swings, concentration, and daydreaming, and trouble sleeping. She also especially wanted me to shut up when I started talking about how awful school is/was. She just completely ignored all I said that could be even tangentially related to ADHD.

At the end she said I was depressed and anxious and threw out Zoloft (which I had only been on for a week) and gave me Effexor for depression and anxiety, and Trazodone for sleep and depression.

I had to forcibly bring up ADHD myself. About how hard it was to so much as watch a tv show consistently. About my despair at not progressing in my GED program. She said 'Can't never could.'

'I'd like to try Strattera.' I said.

'Well we could put you on Wellbutrin.' She said after a deep sigh.

'Strattera has a better chance of results, and I don't want to leave without trying something for my problems.' I said, barely civilly.

So she gave me a script for the maximum daily dosage of Strattera. I felt good. I took a stand and even had a shot at progress. However, it was disturbing how stubbornly opposed she was to even the idea of ADHD.

Strattera didn't really work. It leveled out my mood and gave me some motivation, but my mind still pushed itself away from anything that demanded concentration. Be it work or leisure.

However, Effexor greatly dampened my sense of anxiety in everyday life. I started a photography hobby, walked around outside no matter how many people were there, and started 'dating' (for lack of a better term) online. It definitely worked.

So when I came back to that nurse, I told her about how things had improved. How Strattera calmed me down to a moderate degree. She was quick to put the credit entirely on antidepressants, though. Naturally. Strattera wasn't doing its most important job and had terrible side effects for me, so I asked to try another ADHD medication.

'Well maybe you could take the Strattera a little closer to when you want to, like, do stuff. Then it'll work better for you.'

That is not remotely how Strattera works.

Holy god damn, this lady has absolutely no knowledge about ADHD or the medications she is giving me.

'I'd like to try a first line medication.' I said firmly.

'Well there's a lot of medications for ADHD, honey.' She said smugly.

Then she absolutely floored me.

'You haven't really been evaluated for ADHD yet so we can't really give you amphetamines.'

What.

What.

Why did you ask me all those questions before, then? Why did Strattera affect me in a way consistent with an ADHD person? Why are you being so suspiciously stubborn?

'So how can I be evaluated, then?' I asked her.

'You said no insurance, right?' She asked back.

When I confirmed that, she got up and said 'Let me go ask the doctor if you can get some stimulants, sweetie.'

15 minutes later she came back with a script for Wellbutrin.

I was in despair.

My life, on hold for years, now for another month. When help was just in arm's reach.

I started spending tons of money on food. The Wellbutrin replacing Strattera brought back the mood swings within days. The first day they came back, I called that office to cancel my follow up appointment. I was going back to the doctor I originally saw.

But for the month up to that, I ate like crazy. I gained back 20 pounds. I stopped blogging, I stopped Duolingo, I stopped doing anything but watching YouTube videos and sleeping.

I did get a job that I had applied for before my fall off the deep end. My state of mind greatly improved once I had work. But still I did nothing.

Then I went back to the original doctor.

He was patient, understanding, and asked relevant questions. This general practitioner spent more time talking with me in 1 visit than a psychiatric nurse had in 2.

He diagnosed me with ADHD, and gave me 5mg Focalin.

The weight of the world came off my shoulders. The Focalin has had absolutely no effect on me but drowsiness. But that doesn't matter right now. I am being taken seriously, and am being helped.

And this right here is the important part.

The medication helped immensely.

Once I got back to taking the Effexor regularly, my mood drastically improved. I talk to real people of my own volition occasionally. I take pictures of myself without fear. I am making plans and believing in them. I am believing in myself, for the first time in my life.

Yes, 1 nurse treated me like I didn't matter.

But 1 doctor changed everything for me.

He listens to me, works with me, and is invested in helping me. He is going to get my medications right, make sure they stay right.

Then, once I find the right stimulant, I will be unstoppable.

This life is mine, I will never lose hold of it again.

[marvinhasadhd]

Okay, so I got my prescription about two weeks ago and since then I have already tried Ritalin a few times.

I started with half a pill (so 5mg) and didn’t feel anything. My doctor advised me to do my next attempt on the next day, but I am chronically bad at listening to medical professionals, so I tried a whole pill (or 10mg) on the afternoon of the same day I tried the first one.

I decided to take it, because our work had been cancelled (I currently work as a security at events which are hosted by our city) and so someone had to wait until the security who worked the night shift arrived. I really need the money, so I volunteered to sit around for a few hours and I decided to take the full pill and try reading for a bit, as thats something where I often struggle with being inattentive and getting distracted by just about everything.

And it kinda helped. I just sat down and read for over an hour without looking at my phone or getting distracted in any other way. I used to read a lot as a child, but since the age of 12-13 I slowly stopped reading as much because I could rarely ever focus on the book for longer times, so reading became a bit frustrating, as I now took days, weeks or sometimes even months to finish books which would have taken me hours when I was younger (one of my biggest achievements as a child was that I finished the whole HarryPotter-Series in just one weekend).

So yeah, that was a nice experience. I tried it again two days later, as I wanted to try studying for university, but this time I tried 1,5 pills (so 15mg) and I didn’t feel much difference to the 10mg. I still couldn’t quite focus on the stuff I had to learn and I kept getting distracted by things around me, especially by the clutter on my desk. I really felt the need to do something about that and so I cleaned my desk. And once my desk was finally free of everything that didn‘t belong there, I cleaned the floor, the kitchen, the bathroom, I did my laundry and I collected all the cat toys and also cleaned all the places my cats like to hang out in of their hair. Once that was done, I tried to learn again and I noticed that I could focus a bit better, but most importantly I noticed that I just managed to keep my focus on doing a cleaning of the whole flat without making any breaks to watch youtube or check twitter or anything. I didn’t even think about my phone, while I did all that. That was kinda crazy, as just about everyone who knows me would describe me as a perfect example of a smartphone-addicted person.

The next day, I tried to learn again and I took two whole pills (aka 20mg or the maximum dosis my doctor allowed me to do before I visit her again) and I noticed that while I could actually focus better, I would also focus very strongly on anything that distracted me. I found one of my cats toys (a self-made mouse) had been ripped and while I was already trying to focus on learning, I just had to get my sewing kit and repair the mouse before I could even think about anything else. So my focus became much better, but also I would focus very strongly on any possible distraction.

The next day my girlfriend arrived and so I didn‘t take Ritalin for a few days, as I know that she isnt too big of a fan of it (that one Netflix-documentary apparently made Ritalin seem like its pure crystal meth) and also I think I shouldn’t need stimulants to be able to focus on my girlfriend. I love her and I always try to give her my fullest attention, so I let the pills in my medicine-cabinet.

Once she was gone again (she has a summer-job in another state, so we only see each other for a few days each week), I tried studying again and so I took two pills in the morning, cleaned my whole learning environment before the effects kicked in and then I actually was able to focus nicely on cell-biology. And ya know, what can I say about that except „The mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell“?

Later that day, when the effects already had worn off, I noticed that I also experienced the so-called rebound effect (=symptoms being a bit stronger than usual once the effects of the medication wore off), but as I wanted to continue studying, I decided to take two more pills. So I went to the bathroom, took one, noticed that I had to clean the cat-toilet, cleaned it, forgot that I had already taken one and took two. So I was at 3 whole pills or 30mg of Methylphenidate, which was 1,5 times the maximum dose my doctor told me to take. And then I remembered that I had made plans with a friend to come over and catch up, as we hadn’t seen each other since the whole pandemic started.

So yeah, once he arrived two hours after my accidental intake of 3 pills, I was really focused on what he said and I must say, I felt a mental clarity I usually never felt in normal situations. I also felt a bit more energetic than usual and I experienced the suppressed appetite (which apparently is a rather common side-effect) much stronger than I did with lower doses. Besides that my head felt very warm and I noticed that my pulse was much stronger, so I put on my old smart-watch, just so I could regularly check my pulse (it was constantly over 90, when my usual average it between 60 and 70). Also I told him about my medication and the dosage I had taken, so if I experienced anything bad (the high pulse made me a bit anxious about that) he could inform a doctor. But yeah, nothing bad happened and for two hours we just talked about a lot of things and I just really listened to what he said, which was nice, as I‘m someone who often gets lost in thought while people talk to me, and being able to focus on what he said without getting distracted made me feel like I managed to be a better friend than I‘m usually am.

But nothing lasts forever and so once the effects wore off (took about 4,5 hours) I really couldn’t focus on stuff and I really felt the effects come back much stronger than they usually are. Luckily he is a pretty understanding dude, so he suggested that we just cook until I felt a bit better, which was quite nice, as my appetite also came back and I remembered that I hadn’t eaten anything that day. So we cooked and just played with the cats until I felt a bit better. I noticed that playing with the cats made me quite a bit calmer - maybe it’s the dopamine-boost my tiny fluffy boys give me, or maybe I just overinterpret something. Idk.

(Short break. I know, this post is already pretty long and as it’s about ADHD, I assume that some people reading this also have it. If you managed to read this that far, I‘m really amazed and I really thank you for your attention. Also I made this another text-style, so if you want to take a short break, you could find this spot easier. If you have any tips on how to write so that it’s more suitable for ADHDers to read, please feel free to send me a message, as I would really like it, if I could improve my writing so that my posts are easier to read for other people. Also I promise that this post will be finished soon.)

Okay, so lets continue: once the friend was gone, I washed the dishes, cuddled the cats and went to sleep. Or at least I tried to do so. I just couldn’t fall asleep. It was really impossible for me to close my eyes without having my brain full of thoughts that would keep me awake. I tried to put in calming music, as that helped me to fall asleep back when I was in school, but that didn’t work. I tried to make myself a nice sleeping-environment by putting on nice sounds to pretend that I‘m on the Hogwarts express (I used ambient-mixer for that) and lit small fairy lights, but that also didn’t help. I tried to do a brain-dump and wrote down all the thoughts that kept me awake, but that also didn’t help much. I tried to read all these thoughts out to my cats and talk about all the feelings I had that were linked to the thoughts, but that also didn’t help. (Also the cats kinda decided to run around and play catch after I talked to them for a few minutes. I think they have about the same attention span as I do). At about 5:30 in the morning my girlfriend texted me because she just got up to go to work and I was still awake to answer her. So yeah, at about 6 in the morning I fell into a very light sleep and I can tell you, working a 7 hour shift after that wasn’t fun. So a nice advice of mine: don’t do a higher dose than your doctor allowed you at 6 in the afternoon. Or generally. Listen to your doctors, chances are they know what they are talking about.

And here’s finally the last experience I wanna write about: Today I woke up at 8 and decided that I will use my day productively to learn. So ensured that my desk and everything around it was nice and clean and then I took two pills. And guess what. Now it’s half past 10 and I spent the last 1,5 hours focusing really intensely on writing a tumblr-post about my experiences with Ritalin because I remembered that I wanted to write such a post and I couldn’t focus on anything else while I had this thought. So yeah. Overall I really like the effects it has on me, as I didn’t experience any bad side-effects by now and it really helps me focus, but now I also know that maybe I should make a check-list of things I want to have done before I take it, as these things could be mayor distractions down the line.

I hope these reports could be interesting or helpful to someone out there, but always remember: the experiences of different people can vary vastly, so always remember that such meds can have very different effects on you or people you know. Always consult a doctor or pharmacist if you have medical questions and always remember that taking meds or not doing so is both completely valid, as long as it fits for you.

If you made it this far, I really wanna thank you for taking the time and focus to read this and I hope you found it to be at least somewhat interesting. Feel free to text me if you want to talk about your own experiences, ask questions, give criticism on the way I write or just ask for pictures of my cats. I hope you have a really nice day and yeah. I‘ll post again once something post-worthy happens or a topic which I think to be deserving of a post comes to my mind.

[scvmbaaag]

Lol every once in a while I think about the fact that this year started off with me just vibing at at a party with some friends and then a girl there who I only kind of knew had a full blown psychotic episode and broke a bunch of glass and shit and was screaming at the top of her lungs about George Washington on the floor for so long that she threw up and was rolling around in it and she was punching and kicking the shit out of my friend who was trying to calm her down/keep her from hurting herself and this was all bc she had a 5mg edible candy 5 hours before, and we had to call the cops after about an hour bc she was getting really violent and my friend was basically just getting beaten up and all the rest of us couldn’t do anything to get her to calm down and so the cops come and take her to a hospital and then we had to clean everything and 2 days later she comes to hang out again and she said sorry but she didn’t remember it and then 3 days after that she did it again over Snapchat and she videoed herself crying and screaming and ranting about the good place and saying that we were mean for ever hanging out without her sent it to us and then someone in her dorms called the cops on her and she got admitted to a psych ward for 3 days. 2020 let me know from the get-go that it was going to be an absolute shit show and I didn’t listen because I wanted to be optimistic. Now look at this mess.

[hellomykidney]

Continuing blood treatments

Medical updates:

Up to Sunday: End of Day 6 in the hospital now. It's been a busy couple of days. Not a ton to report, but had blood cleaning treatment that I mentioned before on Thursday. We then did the same regimen on Friday, with similar success. Saturday, I went for day 3 of treatment, but after having done so many in a row, I was having some issues with blood clotting, so a platelet donation was added to my regimen. During that third treatment on Saturday, my blood pressure bottomed out with the top number in the 70s, I got severe chest pain, was on oxygen and heart monitors with six people in the room, but things resolved and calmed down. I got very weak and had trouble walking around or even moving from the bed to the chair. Today (Sunday) was a day off from treatment, and I've regained a bunch of my strength and energy, and walked half a mile around the hospital floor.

When do I get out? Well, originally I was supposed to get out yesterday (Saturday) or today (Sunday). However, my insurance did not respond in time for me to move my last two treatments to outpatient, so we we wait. If we hear on Monday, maybe I get out Monday evening after treatment #4. Otherwise, we'll hunker down until after treatment #5 on Wednesday. I'm not a patient person, but trying to be...

So what is this rejection I'm facing? My immune system had developed antibodies against my donor Tiff's organ and was trying to attack it. From my research, back in the 2000s, this process was very difficult to reverse, and often signified the end of the transplant's life, sending recipients back to dialysis, kidney failure and possible retransplantation. This reaction can scar the kidney over and over. Fortunately, we caught it before any scarring could occur. So we use high-dose steroids to reduce the inflammation or swelling of the kidney from being attacked. My dose started at 500mg in hospital, and is now down to 125mg and continuing to drop. I usually take 5mg so we shall see what I am prescribed later this week. We also do a blood treatment to remove these attacking antibodies, bound to blood protein, replace the protein and then do an IVIG (immunoglobulin) treatment to spur my body into creating good antibodies again. I am grateful to have caught it, and while it sounds scary, one of my nurses said she sees this 3 or 4 times a month, so it seems like a common rare condition if that makes sense. It may be clear after these treatments, or this could recur over my lifetime, but I am trying hard to hope that this is a one-time issue.

Hospitalization in the time of coronavirus: Some folks have asked about hospital inpatient life in the time of coronavirus. On the transplant floor, a lot of the recommended precautions have been in place for decades (handwashing, masking, etc). As I had indirect exposure to someone who tested positive at a recent conference, I have to wear a mask when walking the halls, and anyone coming in to the room has to wear mask and gown in addition to the normal gloves. I feel about as well taken care of as anyone could be. Worth mentioning that as a transplant patient (not to mention recent treatments), I am part of the high-risk population and will be planning to stay home as much as possible once getting out of the hospital. But would be nice to have a whole apartment rather than a room! Can't wait to cook again!

Help from others: Thanks to folks who have sent flowers and gifts, and called -- it's all really appreciated. My stalwart partner, Paul has been here most of all these days, and has been a great source of comfort and support, helping to process all the information and advocate for my needs. He even made me an awesome balloon flower bouquet that everyone has been commenting on. We've watched a bunch of movies together, played some games, etc. He's pushing me nicely to keep as much normalcy as possible, and I am very grateful for him.

On to treatment 4 tomorrow (Monday)!

[aflowerinthecosmos]

Lexapro: One Year Later

I’ve been to therapy at two different points in my life. The first time was as a teenager during my parents divorce and the most recent one following my PTSD diagnosis at age 20. Each time was very different than the other. When I was a teenager I was forced to go to family therapy with my parents and siblings due to a court order. Having an audience and varying personalities made it counter-productive. I couldn’t share my feelings. The most recent attempt was the first time I sought help voluntarily. I met with a psychiatrist and therapist to develop a program that could help me cope with PTSD. The medication I was prescribed made me nauseous and I felt more on edge than ever. I soon became paranoid that it would cause me to have suicidal ideations and I quickly stopped taking them. I wasn’t too fond of my therapist either, which I believe is crucial to your recovery. At this point in my life, I had little to no coping or communication skills. I wasn’t taught how to deal with things. I didn’t even know how to begin. I stopped going to therapy and I spiraled, hard and fast. I had a mental breakdown at work. I called my older sister who thankfully came to get me. I felt like PTSD took over my life and I let it. My job at the time only exasperated my symptoms, so I quit and ran to the easiest, non-demanding job I could find. At the same time I researched PTSD and how to treat it. I put in a lot of effort to build coping and communication skills on my own. Practiced whenever possible. I got hobbies. Filled my time with reading self help books. For a couple years, this was enough for me to start feeling comfortable with my own mind again. I could never shake off the feeling that I wasn’t fully me anymore. I had changed. PTSD does that to you. I was diagnosed with PTSD in August of 2014. Reflecting back I had been exhibiting symptoms since late 2012.

In 2017 I started to feel off again. My birthday was coming up, and for many years I hated my birthday but never understood why I did. It was until I realized that my birthday was a trigger. Probably my strongest one because it was neither a place or person that I could avoid. I tried unsuccessfully to find a therapist. I couldn’t find anyone that was accepting new patients or accepted my insurance. The harder I tried and failed to find professional help, the more it negatively affected me. I confided in a loved one that I was spiraling again. Their reaction was the exact worse case scenario anyone with a mental health issue fears when talking to someone about it. I went over the edge and attempted that night. After my trigger had come and gone, I felt like I was on the up tick again. A new fear loomed over me now. What if I end up spiraling again? The coming year I did better, but triggers are triggers for a reason. 

2018 ended in the worst ways imaginable. I decided to end my stable life that I had created in the past 4 years and begin a new. I could feel myself ripping at the seams. It was a turning point for me. I had this moment of clarity in the midst of chaos, I can either let myself break and spiral out of control or I can go to therapy again before this gets any worse. I decided on the latter.

I loved my new therapist. I loved my new psychiatrist. I felt understood. I felt heard. I felt supported. I started taking Lexapro on December 22, 2018. My talk therapy helped immensely, but I wholeheartedly believe it was Lexapro that saved me. For a while I thought I had a grip on my symptoms and rarely noticed them anymore. I told my psychiatrist that perhaps I just had anxiety because I no longer have my normal symptoms. I sat there for an hour trying to convince this professional that I had anxiety not PTSD. I’m not always the brightest bulb. At the end of our conversation she hit me with what was the hardest reality I’ve ever swallowed. Surprise, surprise I still had PTSD. If anything it was getting worse, my symptoms changed which is why I no longer recognized them. I wanted to run out that office to cry, or scream, maybe both. I think she recognized this on my face. She was sweet. In her softest motherly voice, she told me that I should start seeing this as a long term illness and I may have to be medicated for the rest of my life. I hurt myself by thinking this was something that I could “cure” like a cold or flu. 

I was afraid in the beginning as to how this would affect my life, my relationships, and my job. DId I have to disclose this information to them? At what point when I start new friendships, or a new relationship for that matter do I tell them I have PTSD? Would they see me as crazy because I required medication to be a functioning human? The stigma around mental health issues and medication weighed on me. I kept my medication a secret for a long time. I only told a select few in my inner circle. I focused on healing in private. 

I was surprised by how much I enjoyed Lexapro. In the beginning I had some annoying side effects that I could live with in the grand scheme of things. I grinded my teeth in my sleep and I was drowsier than usual. I bought a mouth guard and slept a little more. I started off with 5mg for the first month. I started to notice a difference within the first two weeks. I no longer had sweaty palms, I no longer felt a constant sense of anxiety. It was more sporadic now. I was grateful for the moments of calm. After the first month was over, I moved up to 10mg for another month, then went up to 20mg. Going from 10mg to 20mg was the hardest transition. I felt so drowsy and my teeth grinding was incessant. I started to fall asleep during meetings, in the middle of conversations, and the most horrifying, driving. I quickly emailed my psych and we brought me back down to 15mg. The side effects quickly improved. I stayed on 15mg for another two months before trying 20mg again. This time my body handled it nicely like it had the other increases. 20mg is where I’ve been ever since. 

It’s been almost a year that I’ve been on Lexapro. I feel like the person I was before PTSD took over my life. I’m the me I always knew I was underneath the mental health issues. A lot of my personality has changed. Some personality quirks I’ve come to know these last couple of years have all but vanished. I never realized that these quirks were symptoms of PTSD that I passed off as my personality. It probably helped me cope that way. Some of my quirks were being jumpy, non-confrontational, socially awkward, and shy. Since I was a child I have always been a confident, unafraid, social butterfly that demanded attention. I’m a Leo after all. I’ve also become less emotional. This is something new for me as I’d always been known as a cry baby or sensitive. It has its advantages and disadvantages. I don’t display emotions as much as  I normally used to. It doesn’t mean I’m incapable of feeling, there’s just not always a corresponding external reaction like before. I’m more sure of myself than ever. I trust myself. This is something I never realized I lacked. The biggest positive impact Lexapro has had for me has been the kindness I’ve been able to feel for myself. I’m no longer so self critical of myself. I accept my flaws and my shortcomings. I don’t beat myself up. The same understanding and support I gave others I now give to myself. My self esteem has flourished. I could go on and on about all the things I’m grateful for since deciding to try medication again. But, the biggest take away is that I’m finally free. 

[cutejiminee-blog]

Tips On How To Purchase Generic Cialis

The report on the global market for erectile dysfunction drugs market delivers an in-depth analysis of the trends responsible for the decline of this market. Your doctor prescribes drugs such as statins and bile acid sequestrants to reduce your risk of heart attack and stroke. It is obligatory to consult the doctor and do the laboratory tests to confirm the bacterial infection because this will help to know that which bacteria are causing the infection. You usually start your symptoms, further from the date of 3 to 7 days, you will most of the infection. When will Cialis and other erectile dysfunction drugs be available in generic form? This can be in the form of a to-do list, an email to a supportive person in your life, or a journal entry. You can start with "Hi, I am just leaving. But before I do, I would like to introduce myself to the most wonderful woman around". It may seem embarrassing now that you have to explain something like that. Plus, it seems like the internet is blasted with over a million articles about Viagra and Cialis. Erectile Dysfunction - how long do you have to take cialis 5mg a day for you to get a hard on after? Two human studies demonstrated that patients with BPH who were prescribed 5 mg of tadalafil once a day had statistically significant improvements in BPH symptoms compared to those on a placebo. Equally happy looking couples inhabit the Cialis commercials, but if you have your choice between the two virtual realities you're probably going to want to live in that of the SunSetter. Um, online pharmacies canada the generic cialis is more acrimonious than some invidious generic cialis. While medication were more into cialis medicine and original informations, I was into side effect and disordering systematic symptom. Consuming alcohol in moderation may be OK depending on your situation, but anything more presents legitimate health risks. Tadalafil and alcohol both lower blood pressure. This process allows the drug to perform its intended action, which is to lower your cholesterol. The drug companies would still make profits, because the demand for the drugs would go up tremendously if they suddenly became affordable for people without health insurance, but the profits wouldn't quite be the same. So much so that the first ED drug to be invented has today become a household name. A tagline may only be the tip of the iceberg, but it can have a visible and lasting impact on your target audience. Once both of you have all the facts, your partner can work with his doctor to make a better-informed decision about what to do next. Why don't antidepressants work for everyone? 2500 to help them get back from overseas. The host is destroyed so bacteria can not grow and they get killed. Against the world-wide-web on your own can effortlessly consider the printable coupon codes. Walmart present coupon codes for less expensive selling price. PHRs allow individual patients and their chosen caregivers to look and manage health care information and play a better role in their own health care. Consequently of health insurance claims filed on behalf of consumers, insurers have most information required to give PHRs, and are in an exclusive position to build them for customers in the near term. However, the dosage is decided by your doctor depending on your health conditions. How Do We Use the Information That You Provide to Us? Contact information will be used to notify the winners and award prizes. I am very concerned that we will have at least a Japan style, zombie bank period where the banks will keep losing asset value and will not be able to lend money. Hence, it is necessary to have a positive attitude and show it when it comes to picking up a girl. For some of us, we can get a little bit involved when it comes to side effects in warning labels. The third way to get your email address is to buy email lists. In case you overlook a dose for just about any purpose, get it when you remember, but do not choose multiple on a daily basis. The recommended starting dose of CIALIS for once daily use is 2.5 mg, taken at approximately the same time every day, without regard to timing of sexual activity. In that same article, it said that Viagra and Cialis could be contributing factors to sleep apnea. Hey, that manful generic cialis overabundantly placed during some impudent generic cialis. We offer only the finest high-quality generic medications available. It turned out to be dear friends of ours that wanted to inform me my email account had been hacked. Quite hectic descending with all the bikes, motorcycles, cars, hikers, etc. After the road leveled out and widened a bit things calmed down. So is it that hard to pick up a girl? This was the revolution in the medical fraternity as the result-oriented mode of treatment of bacteria was introduced. Are there any ways I can score a free trial or something? Year after year the Gross Domestic Product and the Gross National Income of India are increasing. They are not buying it and giving it to their partner to take. Prescribe you for a effect or cialis medicine amex eventually a hand. Cialis Super discount pack ! Sales of molecular brand symptoms. Acne is a trouble that many people face.

[sonofadeanwinchester]

Someday Darling (Part Twenty-Six)

One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six | Seven | Eight | Nine | Ten | Eleven | Twelve | Thirteen | Fourteen | Fifteen | Sixteen | Seventeen | Eighteen | Nineteen | Twenty | Twenty-One | Twenty-Two | Twenty-Three | Twenty-Four | Twenty-Five

Summary: Leaving LA to go to New York to spend time with your brother might just be the worst/best decision of your life.

Words: 1,902

Student!Sebastian x Reader ; Actor!Chris Evans x Reader

Warnings: SWEARING ; FLUFF ; PREGNANCY

A/N:  If you wanna be tagged, don’t be shy and let me know! ;)

Tags: @221bshrlocked@marvelouslyme96@shellymaesworld@titty-teetee@pawallday@chameerah@buckylicious@nerdywitch@teresaolivia20 @guera31 @i-should-probably-be-asleep-rn@lancetucker@ssweet-empowerment@ijustreallylovezebras@amandarosemire@zainab2 @jhangelface0523@care-bear-girl@parkerrpeterr@bxxbxy@winter--cearig @beccavesper @mrs-meghan-winchester@amren-tiny-ancient-one

The next day I knew that it was going to be a rough one. After Seb and my sex round, I knew I needed sleep to help me get through what was coming. I woke up later that morning to find Seb's spot cold as ice and laughter drifting from the kitchen. I scrunched my nose, in curiosity, and slipped my clothes back on. I skittered down the hall, finding Seb, Chris and Penn sitting around the table as Mikayla cooked, yet another big breakfast. Seb rose to let me sit, "Morning, mama."

I shook my head, face disgusted. "Too soon, Seb." I sucked in a breath. "Chris."

He smiled at me, his eyes warm. "Hey, doll."

I felt tears prick my eyes. "Chris, I'm so sorry."

He stood, coming to me. "Doll, no need to cry. Listen, I overreacted. I know you didn't purposely get pregnant and certainly not to hurt me. It's okay."

Tears sprung free, rolling down my cheeks. "I don't know what to do." I whispered. "What am I supposed to do?"

He pulled me into him, kissing the crown of my head. "(y/n), it's not my call to make. But first, we need to get you to a doctor."

Seb nodded behind him and smiled. "I told Chris just a few minutes ago that I made you an appointment for this morning. We're all going to go; you, me and Chris."

I snuffed and stepped away. "The three of us?"

Chris nodded, smiling. "Sebastian understands how important you are to me and was willing to let me in on this. It's at 11:30."

I looked at the clock, 10:49. "Shit, we won't make it on time if we don't leave now."

Seb nodded, "I know baby, just calm down. We were waiting for you to wake up. Chris, meet us down in the lobby will you?" Seb came to me and pushed me towards the bedroom, where magically clothes had been laid out for me at the end of the bed. "Get dressed sweetheart, meet me by the door. (y/n), I love you."

I smiled tightly, "Love you too."

I got dressed and followed Seb to the elevator, slowly making its way down to the lobby. "Chris is being way to chill about this."

Seb laced our fingers together, "'I know, babe, but don't push it. We're lucky he's holding it together as is."

We hailed a taxi and 35 minutes later, we were in the hospital waiting room. I sat between the two boys, holding Seb's hand and resting my head on Chris's arm. An older lady with black hair and mocha skin came out and called my name. She looked between the men, "Uh, who's the daddy?"

Seb stood slowly, smiling. "I am."

The nurse, probably fifty-five, looked at me and winked. "Good choice, sweetie." My face flushed a deep red and I noticed Seb was rolling his eyes. "Y'all follow me please." She stopped and looked at Chris, "Who are you here with?"

He stood, "Uh, with them. I'm the girl's ex-boyfriend."

She looked from me to him and then to Seb. "Damn girl, okay. Uh, you come with me. Son, I'm a big fan but you'll have to wait here."

He nodded and sat down. "I'll be right here, sweetheart."

Seb and I followed the nurse into a small room, gray paint on the walls, bare except for a large portrait of the statue of liberty. She sat me down on the black bench, covered in parchment paper. It crinkled under my weight and Seb sat in the chair beside me. He laced our fingers together. "It'll be okay, baby."

I nodded. The nurse informed us that the doctor will be with us shortly. She exited the room and Seb pulled me down onto his lap. I pressed my cheek to his chest, soaking in his sweet smell. He smelt like vanilla, a bit of sweet juice, the ocean and warmth. Literal warmth. "Jesus, you smell good."

He chuckled, "That's good considering I still haven't showered since our crazy sex this morning."

I scoffed, "Fuck, well, I guess sex smells good on you then." I kissed his lips and he pulled me closer. He placed a gentle hand on my back, and the other to the back of my head, running his fingers through my hair. Half way through our wicked make-out session, the door started to open and I jumped off of him and onto the table. From the look of the doctor, my hair must've been a mess because he smiled and looked down at Seb who was wiping lip gloss off his mouth.

He introduced himself, "My name is Dr. Moretz, you're (y/n)?" I nodded. He looked at Seb, "You must be the dad."

He nodded and reached his hand forward. "Sebastian."

"Nice to meet you." He gestured to me. "I'm just going to ask you a few questions and then we'll take a look." He cleared his throat. "When were you expecting your period?"

I lifted my eyebrows, "Uh, roughly ... 5 days ago."

He nodded, jotting some notes down. "How many times have you had intercourse without protection?"

I scoffed, "With him or in general?"

He smiled, "With your current partner."

"Oh, uh, I don't really know. Like, not often, maybe like 5-6 times."

He nodded. "Okay, how many time have you had intercourse, with your current partner, in general?"

I bit my lip, "Roughly 35 times in the past two months."

Sebastian scoffed beside me and ran his hand through his hair. He raised his hand. "Doc, I have a question. Uh, is there any restrictions she's suppose to be on, sex wise?"

He smiled, "Actually no. Your baby is well protected in your uterus by the amniotic fluid that surrounds it.. So intercourse will do no harm." He looked back at me. "What kind of symptoms have you had?"

"Uh, my breasts hurt, I'm tired all the time. I pee more than I drink, I was sick quite a bit, not throwing up as much now, my mood and hormones are all over the place, and headaches." I rubbed my temples, out of habit.

Dr. Moretz smiled and wrote something else down. "Okay, I'll get your weight now, to measure the baby's growth. Just step over onto this scale, please." I stepped on it, he smiled and wrote it down. "Perfectly healthy for a girl your height. Thank you."

I sat back down and Seb was standing now, rubbing my back gently. "You okay?"

I nodded, "Yeah, fine baby, uh, my back is hurting that's all."

The doctor stood, twisting a blood pressure wrap around my arm. "Stay still please." He pumped a few times, and I held my breath. He smiled, "Pressure is perfectly normal for a woman at your stage of pregnancy, 120/80, lovely." He jotted it down and sat back into the swivel chair. "Okay, next let's discuss your diet. What have you been eating?"

Sebastian scoffed, "She's been eating like 3 day old Thai food, hamburgers, hot dogs, crap ton of ice cream. I tried making vegetables one night but she didn't touch them."

The doctor smiled, lips tight. "Okay, well first of all, all that has to stop, mostly. For the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, we recommend that you take folic acid at 5mg everyday. You can find this in some food as well, like, spinach, radish, coriander, mint and lettuce. Uh, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, beans, peas, corn, cabbage. Some fruits include avocado, pomegranate, oranges, strawberries. Nuts are good too; peanuts, walnuts, and almonds. Some drinks, obviously water, recommended at 12 glasses a day but if you don't feel like that, coconut water, skimmed milk, banana shakes. They are all good for you.  Also, let's discuss some blood tests that you'll need to get done. I have written them down for you." He handed Sebastian a piece of paper. "We'll check your blood type, iron levels, Rhesus factor, blood sugar. Also for hepatitis B, HIV/AIDS and syphilis. We'll screen for thyroid problems, rubella known as German measles. We'll screen for abnormalities, check for CMV, hepatitis C, HSV, Toxoplasmosis."

I looked at him in horror. "That's a lot of stuff."

"Yes, it is but we want to make sure your baby is healthy as a horse. Any questions?"

"Uh, yeah, what position should I be sleeping in?"

He chuckled, "Anything is fine, just as long as you're comfortable." He sighed, "Uh, now we'll just have to pick a date for you're ultrasound."

Sebastian shook his head, "We are wide open, I can study from home and take classes online. What do you have free Doc?"

He nodded, "How about July 21? That's 3 weeks from now." Seb nodded. "Perfect. Uh, between now and then, if you want to make appointments for those screening test, that would be helpful." He scribbled on his notepad. "This is your prescription for prenatal pills and folic acid. Now, I'll check your uterus and see where the baby's at."

He laid me down on my back, asking Sebastian to have a seat. He pulled on white rubber gloves and spread my legs. I felt his fingers trail up inside of me and move around slightly. He pulled out and removed the gloves. "Everything feels fine, you baby is about the size of a raspberry right now. If you experience any discomfort or are concerned about anything at all, we have a 24/7 helpline, feel free to call." He sat me up and scribbled again on the notepad. "You're both free to go." He exited the room.

Seb helped me off the bench and out into the waiting room. Chris was sitting there, talking to a young lady. He caught sight of me and excused himself. She looked disgusted but stomped off back towards her, I suspect, baby daddy. He hugged me, "What's the news?"

Sebastian smiled, "Everything is good, baby is healthy. Ultrasound is July 21, gonna check for the gender." He smiled. "I'll be right back, need to make appointments for all this blood test shit." He kissed my lips quickly.

Chris rocked on his heels, ducking his head to meet my eyes. "I won't be here for that."

I nodded, "I know."

"I'm still going back.. Back to California."

I sniffed, "Chris, I know."

He bit his lip, "You make a decision?"

I shot my head back, "You fucking serious? Chris! I'm fucking knocked up with my boyfriend's baby and you're asking me to run away with you? What the actual hell man?" I stepped away from him. I must have yelled a tiny bit because people were staring at us now, including Sebastian.

One girl leaned into her mother, "That's Chris Evans. Like the actor. Who's that girl with him?"

I looked her dead in the eye, "Sweetheart, if you're going to whisper, make sure it's a fucking whisper. I’m his ex-girlfriend.."

Sebastian was over to us now, "Uh, guys, everything okay?"

I shook my head, "Not really, Seb. Chris just asked me if I would run away with him back to fucking California with your baby inside of me." I stepped away, walking towards the exit.

When I turned around to yell at Seb to follow me, all I saw was his fist connecting with Chris's face, knocking him out cold. "Fuck you, Chris Evans."

[whatiwillsay]

okay so technically today is day 4 of ritalin (i skipped saturday).

i called my psychiatrist today and she upped me from 5mg to 10mg since the 5mg did absolutely nothing for me other than giving side effects.

as for today’s side effects - i got my second vaccine yesterday and had bad side effects from that all of today, so i can’t tell exactly what’s to blame on the meds versus what’s to blame on the vaccine.

i still don’t think that the medication is working at all, which is highly discouraging to me. im still not able to focus, i’m still as easily distracted and scatterbrained as always, etc. like i took the meds and immediately sat down to try to do some work so i’d be working as it set in (like you suggested), and in the time frame that it was supposed to set in, i didnt feel anything other than continuing to struggle to focus on the assignment. like i spent an hour trying to do it, and i have absolutely nothing to show for that other than “opened powerpoint” and “opened rubric” (which is especially pathetic considering that i intentionally started with a super easy assignment).

i’ve only been on this higher dose for just over an hour, so after i finish typing this out, i’m going to try to do some school work again to try to figure out if there really is no benefit or if the benefit is just super nominal.

i shuffled fearless tv when i opened tumblr just now and now i’m crying because the best day came on and i think i really miss my mom. like i just saw her yesterday but i really miss her i think. i feel really guilty too because i feel like i’m wasting her money and idk how insurance works but i think i’m wasting her deductible too. and we used to have a super rocky relationship but now that it’s better i feel like i’m wasting it. like her birthday was last week and all i did was text her “Happy birthday” and she responded “Thank you dear” and then later that same day when i called her i didn’t even say anything nice to her, i just cried about my own issues and she was supportive and perfect, and what have i done to say thank you for that? what could i even do to say thank you for everything she’s been doing these past few months for me if i’m not able to function myself? like she has so much on her plate right now, her parents are ill and her brother got evicted and had to move in with her and has a lot of issues, and i’m just piling more onto that. like i call her every day and every day i just cry to her.

thanks again for being here. idk why but typing it out in your inbox helps calm me down a bit haha

hahahha bb i can tell you’re on ritalin with all this typing!  i would take it while feeling sick like from the vaccine.  i find adhd meds work best when taken on a lightly full stomach and after a good night’s rest or the jitters set in too extremely.  maybe wait to be over the vaccine and give it another couple weeks.  keep trying to get productive BEFORE it sets in.  if it doesn’t start to help it may just be not the med for you! vyvanse was the only one that helped me really.