#it turns out im pretty sure ive been doing it kinda right the whole time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tacharie · 2 months ago

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VERY LATE REVIEW ON EPISODE 8 WOW.

HEY GUYS SO SO SORRY IVE BEEN LATE BUT IM HERE… ROGHT BEFORE EPISODE 9 😭😭😭. guys but for realsies I don’t really have much to say for episode 8 cause I mostly forgot what happened. TIME TO BRING OUT THE SCREENSHOTS. As always, spoilers ahead of you have not already read Tokyo Debunker Episode 8, and these were written in the order of my reactions, so you will be seeing how my reactions progress. There will be no more spoiler warning ahead of this soooo pls don’t blame me DANKE :3

ohhhhhh ok ok I see this and I’m kinda not liking it!! They’re pretty and all but like… I hate auctions cause it’s like geez louise. I’ve read so many zombie manwhas where they start selling people at auctions and it makes me so uncomfortable now that I see auctions.

ANYWAYS staring off strong with my boy RITSU!! I haven’t seen you in forever my lizard looking friend what’s happening !!!

this bitch is no longer my friend. WHAT ARE YOU BEING SO MEAN FOR DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE ANNOUNCEMENT OF US TURNING INTO AN ANOMALY LIKE DANG. Like Ik you’re all head first into work or whatever but geez Louise, part of being a lawyer is being empathetic to understand how to get evidence from witnesses dumb dumb.

why is this LOSER. Not listening to my glorious queen. Just because it don’t follow the charts does NOT mean that it isn’t plausible like cmon think logical here. Also, when he’s like getting mad at Taiga without actually talking to him, I can just see him shaking his fist in the air lmao. Moving on from him… ROMEO CALLED US :3!!

HAIIII ROMEO MY NEW FAVORITE OF SINOSTRA WHATS POPPING!!! Also, NEW FACE!! NEW FACE FROM ROMEO I THINK. He has an angry one all the time last time, but now this one is more like… concerned?? Idk MOVING ON!! Also, I’m starting to like Romeo and I really want to know his lore for now. Cause look at this:

Like who is doing this to you BBG!!! I kinda feel bad for him he’s js a lil guy sometimes :(

(NOT IN LIKE THE FANON MIDORIYA WAY BUT IN LIKE A he’s very pitiful sometimes)

Also dang what is with this tension between Taiga and Romeo bruh. Like they’re legit acting like exes. I DONT SHIP THEM DONT GET ME WRONG. But like… there was DEFINITELY SOMETHING. Especially since Taiga remembers his name/nickname.

Yuri and Jiro :(!!! I MISSED YOU TWOO HAIIIII!!! Guys they’re so cute lmao Yuri getting worried like a friend awwwwww… though I’m pretty sure it’s because Jiro is still his subject. ARGHH OMG 😭💕 “I was only there cause I was looking for you” AWWWWWWW THATS SO SWEET!! The whole vomiting scene was so funny and silly and cute of them I hope we see them more!!

WOAHHHHHHHHHH!!! AWOOGA HELLO 😍😍😍!!! GUYS THEY LOOK SO PRETTAYYYYY!! Dang Romeo hand selected them, no surprise there. They’re sooooo cute AND THE MC AHHHHHH SHES SO SILLY 😭😭💕💕💕!!!

“try not to be discreet” immediately grabs Taiga’s ear. Oh wow. Also Imma need Taiga to STOP WOTH THE KITTEN TALK. IVE HAD IT 😡😡. ITS NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!

WHAT. NO. NONONONONONONONONO PLEASEEEEEEE SPARE ME WHY ME 😭😭😭. WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE TO SHARE A ROOM WITH THESE THREE LUNATICS. BRUH TAIGA’S PROBABLY LIKE A SLEEP BITER. UH UH I REFUSE 😡. You guys are rich aren’t you?? Can’t we have separate rooms pretty please. Also besides from sharing, I don’t like the idea of staying overnight. Cause they told us nothing!! We ain’t got toothbrush, deodorant, NADA. It’s gotta REEK in there.

Ok so… Romeo knowing the password is not rubbing me the right way. I hate it actually. Romeo please don’t be TOO sketch!!! Please please please I BEGGGG!! Also woah… I don’t like how it looks!! Like the AI is so obvious with this one PLEASEEE INVEST IN A BACKGROUND ARTIST. It’s not that difficult I promise you. The music is hella nice tho MEAH MWAH LOVELYYYY!! Also if you screen record a video with the background, you can see they added a shaky effect which was cool!!

alright Romeo. How’s you come up with the name. Guys he might actually be in some dark shit uh oh. Chat I think my fav sinostra character is cooked. Taiga pointing that out makes js confirms my suspicions. Like guys. Sighs. Also, I highly doubt Gojo teacher is gonna bail us out of this one taiga 🙁… he’s … NOT THAT GREAT!!

Ok so we split up anddddd… Taiga went to a bar. Naturally. RITSU, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM. Like, I know he’s not personally insulting anyone, but like getting compared to Romeo is bad?? I mean, I guess they’re kinda opposites so IG!! Gulping down Taiga’s drink is WILD LMAOOO 😭😭.

ok moving onto their little exploration, Taiga, leaves his three blind mice looking glasses alone. It’s actually kinda cute that Ritsu is so sweet for his mom. ALSO HOURS??? FOR GLASSES?? I thought I was indecisive geez man. And oh!! They found the mask right? NOT TAIGA SUGGESTING THEY GANK THEM WHAT 😭 WHY IS HE SHOOTONG THE PLACE UP HELLO?? WHY DID HE SHOW RITSU TO WHACK THINGS WITH HIS BOOK OMG 😭.. IM DEADDDD.

alrighty now our side. Romeo and queeny let’s gooo!!! Romeo scamming some guy is actually crazy lmao. But like, he knew this guy?? Then why is this guy acting like he doesn’t know Romeo? That’s … STRANGE!! Anyways, AHHHH THAT ONE ART OF HIM HOLDING THE PAINTING WAS EVERYTHING :(!! So sweet so cute!! Other than the fact he scammed someone but I digress!!!

“There’s only a handful of people in this world that know the true vale of things.” Such an odd sentence to add, that’s more of an inner dialogue thing but he said it aloud. Maybe he meant smth else by it but like IM NOT THAT DETECTIVY GUYS!!

Romeo please leave my Boy Yuri alone 😭😭. They got that little man stressing fr. But I wanted to point out a few things from their conversation:

-“ Someone’s gotten cocky” (Romeo to Yuri) The word gotten changed the entire meaning of THSI sentence. They knew each other before… from Frostheim maybe?? Cause we know both of them have personal beef from frost heim, maybe they both transferred but were once close back then. Sounds kinda cliche but. Further evidence: “I remember when you ran off crying to the grubby old lab, now you’re playing king of the castle?” So maybe not together, but just what kind of connection did they have? Maybe Romeo was a bully :(

BUT WAIT !! THERES MORE!!! “ha ha. Fine words coming from a has-been like you. Why, I hardly hear anyone speak of you these days. I suppose your accomplishments were only possible before you relinquished your brand name. Oh, I suppose it’s more accurate ‘before it was stolen from you?’ “. … WOW!! Ok!!! So yeah Romeo was popular, he was .. maybe forced out of Frostheim because of his family situation… or maybe bullied out of it. With Romeo, a lot of times someone mentions something being stolen from him, which is probably why he’s so obsessed with wealth. Their relationship is so strange, I need to raise their affinities to see more lore.

Aw yeah, my queen got the lobster and pasta she deserved for her dinner!! I’m so glad that we don’t have to sleep with each other bro like legit JUMPING FOR JOY 😆😆😆!!!

Aw shucks Romeo is being shady once more ; “ Just relax by your little fireplace and I’ll bring you a nice souvenir. I’ll bring you back that mask so don’t forget our deal.” PROFESSOR HYDE. IK ITS YOU. WTF ARE YOU UP TO. Why does he want that mask, why does he need a mask, is he doing this against Darkwick or for them? Guys I need answers like urgently.

Oh no. It’s Taiga. Everyone smile and wave. Bruh why is he talking to us like he don’t know us m. It’s us, your kitty patootie. YEAHHHH HE RECOGNIZED US!! PROGRESS GUYS!! Omg wait he might actually remember the train… HE DID !! HE DID YES 😭😭!! TAIGA YOU ARE THE GOAT MY GLORIOUS KING TAIGA. Wait but he forgot where the monster went. Man… can’t do nothing fr 🙁. Uh oh :3 Romeo caught us!! DAMN TAIGA BEING SO MEAN FOR WHAT. “We were just talking about how gross you sound buttering someone up” like dang. We think that, not say that. What power does Gojo teacher hold to control Romeo so easily… I don’t get it :(.

phew day 2, auction day!! Taiga sleeping in the ceremony is so real. WHY IS HE SO READY TO SHOOT EVERYBODY GEEZ. Oh!! Romeo comes busting in… AHHHHHH MY GLORIOUS QUEEN MC IN THE BACKGROUND SUCH A CUTIE. Oh he actually started shooting ok!!! Awesome!!! OH WHAT THE… THEYRE ALL GLITCHING. RUN MC TUN. DONT LET THE OTHERS SLACK YOU!!

Ok so they got to the exit, and they won’t let us out… AWESOME. JUST AWESOME. Bruh Taiga is going on some riddle shit JS TELL US PLEASEEEEE. Bruh. Romeo. My guy. My pall. WHY TF DID YOU HAVE SO MUCH TREASURE 😭😭😭. WHY WOULD YOU THROW IT RIGHT AT RITSU. RITSUUUUU GET YO ASS HOME!! Oh wait his stigma nvm. He’s chilling. That panel of Ritsu saying his stigma goes hard though.

AWWWWW THEIR DIRT COVERED FACES ARE SO CUTE!!! AHHH I LOVE IT!! Too bad about the mask and Romeo’s treasure but we chilling. OH WAIT NVM TAIGA GOT THE MASK!! YAYAYYAYAY!! Romeo looks so happy aw 😭. Oh.. OH!!! ARE THEY ABOUT TO KISS?? WHAT HAOPENED IT ZOOMED IN ONTO ROMEO’S LIPS WHAT HAPPENDD.

Oh we’re back at the Diner with Ritsu. WAIT CAN WE SEE OUR BOY REN :3??? BRUH WHAT. TAIGA ATE THE FUCKING MASK??? HUH??? Another probation is actually crazy dang…

Oh shit Taiga and Hyde. “Lay off Lulu” AWWWWWW HE CARES ABOUT HIS FRIEND. AWWWWW!!! Bruh Hyde is actually pissing me off bro tf you mean “The stage is nearly set” FOR WHAT??? FOR WHAT PURPOSE??? Guys 😭

ok so that’s that. Uhhhhh I might have skipped a few parts but this is merely going off on the deleted screenshots I took the time I read it. The only thing I do remember is what I was thinking on each scene. Honestly, not much was given in this one for like DARKWICK lore, except for the fact they work with underground connections as well as governmental. That’s actually so wild how powerful they are. I’m actually so excited to see more of Ritsu’s emotional side, and Romeo/ Taiga’s backstory, not just tightened but their personal ones too. Still don’t have Taiga’s unique magic womp womp :(. Hyde… is freaking me out a bit too. And nothing has been explained about why Hyde called Sho for a “special mission”. It doesn’t look like he’s gonna be a part of the next chapter too, so it’s making sho SUPPERRRR SUS rn. But anyways I hoped you enjoyed and I will make another one of these VERY soon for Episode 9 :3!! Ciao , until next chapter!!

#taiga hoshibami #tokyo debunker #tdb #tokyo debunker mc #romeo lucci #ritsu shinjo #episode 9 #chapter review

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narwhalandchill · 6 months ago

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Hello! I saw you mention Childe in labyrinth warriors (hope that’s the right name) when talking about the 4.6 appearance, can I ask you about your thoughts on him there? I didn’t get to play that event- so what I know about it is spotty at best. Just that it’s in Inazuma, had Xinyan I think? And that Childe was there. And the little paper dude. I’m genuinely curious about what insights you gained from the event into his character- and I’d love to hear you talk about Childe more.

(can you believe. when i say. now that im finishing this up. that it got out of hand anon??? uhhhhhhhhhhhh. i mean. at this point this should be expected)

hi!!!! sorry this took a bit, ive been somewhat sick all week and also just now absorbed by the nuzlocke im doing but Anyway. am here now thank you sm for the ask and enabling childe thoughts!!!!!

. readmore bc this Actually got just. unbearably long otherwise JIWDJDWJKDJKWWJDK 😭😭😭😭

so the outline is basically as u said, but like. to summarize it w some particular details mentioned since they Do matter (sorry it got giga fucking long bc i think the full context is helpful for discussing childes parts too lmao). but here goes:

so a mysterious domain has appeared out of thin air on narukami island with monsters spewing out from within into the countryside. now this is an Issue (TM) bc timeline-wise this is still v much the immediate aftermath of the inazuma AQ and the civil war - the nation & esp the tenryo commission rly isnt in ideal shape resource and manpower wise to deal w another crisis like this and it has sara rightfully tense after the initial waves of the monsters were finally forced back. she kinda cant afford to send her men to scout inside the domain (it also kinda. opens and closes and reopens at random which is another issue for potential scouts) but if nothing is done to stop the monsters she must commit to a full on assault to destroy the domain to remove the threat & shes more or less on a timer with that. making it quite the precarious situation for her politically too and not just security wise. (keep this in mind)

how we end up being asked to investigate the place has to do w the. im ngl p convoluted xinyan b plot basically she was invited to a music festival as a performer but it was cancelled so now she lacks the travel permits she needs and getting new ones is Not fast without some inside help. we agree to look for sara so she could argue xinyans case, run into her dilemma w the domain and she agrees to expedit the process if we investigate the place in her forces' stead. (xinyan the civilian tags along for some reason too)

first time u go in, u find the paper dude (kind of an enchanted paper familiar of sorts) aka shiki taishou outside who has lost his memory yet is undoubtedly connected to the domain which is obviously a bit suspicious given the whole. monster spewing into the neighborhood deal. but idk she passes xinyans music vibe check so she argues we should help him recover his memories and in turn discover the truth of the domain along the way.

once we get inside the domain we obviously run into mr. worldwide himself including but not limited to a closeup of his crotch during his introduction for some reason. yeah its been nearly 3 years these things you cant unsee. that and the sending us sausage in his bday mail. like bruh

now childes (as he eventually divulges) in inazuma to look for traces of scara who ran off w the gnosis and happened to stumble into this strange domain with weird vibes. he thought it might be something relevant and waltzed in, proceeded to get locked inside (as the domain shifted) and beat the shit out of all the monsters there all the while having the time of his life bc hes simply built different. bc turns out the place is basically just a full-on sparring simulator for warriors that seems to be running by itself w no one overseeing it ever since the domain resurfaced cue the "pratice targets" aka monsters running wild

dont wanna recap the entire thing in detail but basically. firstly childe kinda improvs another new identity as an adventurer noticing xinyans liyuen attire bc Osial Incident and picking up the awkward energy we have at the realization of. this might be messy if we tell her. and xinyan buys it and nicknames him "red" w/e. so thats why the harbinger thing doesnt become a bigger conflict

he then informs us that all the monsters within the domain turn into torn paper charms when destroyed and that there are "replicas" of shiki taishou strewn about the domain that should restore his power and hopefully memories over time.

so we end up going thru the place helping shiki taishou gather his power and uncover the nature of the place. he kind of has an identity crisis happening bc all the monsters the place is generating seem to imply he was created for some nefarious purpose as a weapon of some sorts (childe says some Very Interesting Things in response as an attempt at pep talk. will get to it).

but TLDR what we do discover is actually that the shikigami/paper magic and the domains functions were basically a system invented after the domains creator harunosuke studied similar adeptal techniques in liyue in order to create the shikigami as these battle partners for samurai fighting against monsters from the cataclysm. these paper dolls could then record and replicate the monsters it and its partner fought in order to train others inside the domain so that inazumas protectors would always be ready to face such a threat if it ever came to be. shiki taishou was created as the "overseer" of this domain and its functions as a training facicility. by regaining his memories and finding clarity in his purpose shiki taishou gains control over the place again and is able to shut down its rogue functions so that it no longer poses a threat. he then promises to improve upon its workings by taking it to dormancy again. sara is relieved that the crisis could be averted without costing her manpower or further resources she doesnt have. yippee

So. yeah that took way too long mb jdwhjwdjdwadwaj but. Childe.

so there are a particular standouts in here in my opinion.

for one that is less like. a characterization aspect but more of a "gotcha" confirmation thats very nice to have is that he explicitly confirms that wherever in the abyss he spent those 3 months at 14, it DID involve places tied to the irminsul and its roots.

fissures between great tree roots u say?????? Inch resting ajax. tell me more abt the trees king.

also this monologue is literally so fucking sexy in general i love his single-minded pursuit of something as like. quintessentially simple as just. Improvement. but bc he has literally 0 fucking chill in his boundless hunger for that one singular ambition it alone is enough to disrupt the gravity of the world around him....... (but we will get to that)

Anyway. another Very good fucking moment from him character-wise is during the 2nd act. where weve spoken w sara about the tense situation after the 1st day of investigation ended w all of us minus childe (who got "trapped" inside the same way a child gets "trapped" inside a free-for-all candy store with all amenities included. he had a blast) getting thrown out and the domain rearranging itself again. and like we go back in once the entrance opens and are even more eager and restless to start figuring things out bc again. sara is on a timer.

and then .

guys im pretty sure theres a twitch emote for this???? something starting with C and ending with AUGHT?

LMAOOOOOO

he reads the shit out of us trying to all "subtly" push for the investigation to proceed so the crisis we are actually tasked to investigate can be solved. like this is literally just Actual 5d chess situational awareness and picking up cues from people around him and honing onto exactly whats stirring up in the undercurrent from childe. basically. he just lays onto us like. ah right. this is probably a big problem for that tenryo commission right? such a problem that theyd even ask an outsider to cover their duties... when thatd never happen during regular times right? a conundrum that could get even more problematic if theres a harbinger publicly around... right? oh my bad my bad haha just thinking out loud bestie lets get back to investigating shall we? hahaha

he is such a smart fucking Bastard oh my godddddd bro is out there smelling the traces of societal unrest and any and all weaknesses in a given governing structure like hes a shark tasting like 0,00000001% blood in the water . professional & supernaturally efficient problem causer everyone. this is what he was hired for . i love him

like. hes SMART guys. and hoyo Knows how to work his intelligence into the writing too its soooo scrumptious man .

and like bro hes being such a fucking menace in here too bc. he couldve kept this observation to himself too. but nooooo he just had to shove it in ur face that we are Not being as slick w keeping him in the dark as we would like to think💀💀 smug ass.

it makes me think abt how many things he actually Notices among the harbingers and all their power plays and schemes among one another but that childe simply keeps to himself bc he has nothing to gain from disproving the assumption of himself as this. gullible and simple-minded loyal warrior harbinger and the person-shaped time bomb we toss at wherever the flames of discord need some help sparking alight. after all, we saw this in arles quest too - how not only did he use our pathetic distraction attempts as an opportunity to fish relevant information on both arlecchino and pulcinella for himself (which i already commented on) but also. the fact that he Very clearly noticed our attempt at distracting her and intentionally helped us out without even knowing anything abt the matter at hand. to the point where even arle makes that Highly pointed comment about it and all but spells out that childe was assisting us on purpose the entire time.

like he is just. incredibly perceptive and so fucking intelligent like especially back in 2.2 where even Bigger of a portion of the fandom (if thats even possible) than today just thought of him as this. stupid fucking baby infant meow meow idiot brainwashed by the tsaritsa and completely owned by zhongli and signora XDDDDDD . seeing this unfold made me so fucking happy abt the way like. yeah HOYO knows what his character is all abt. the fandom can ruin him all the want but the games story isnt going to bend to their will.

Speaking of Which.

The weapon thing.

so as ive already alluded to prior . the entirety of labyrinth warriors despite it highlighting childes intelligence, attitude, priorities and ambitions in a way thats like. genuinely so fucking good and comes off as natural with no forced sounding exposition or backstory dump . mostly got a fan reception more in the way of . waa waa my baby boy is depressed with sigma PTSD 3.0 with DLC because calling yourself a weapon is self dehumanization and it signals he is suicidal and has no self worth 🥺🥺🥺🥺 he got TRAPPED in the EVIL DOMAIN consisting EXCLUSIVELY of all his favorite activities nonstop he must be feeling so scared i need to hug him my babygirl!!!!!!!!!11!1!1

when its like. ah yes. i have never heard of a motif ever before.

bc like as much as i do genuinely consider it something that more or less can be taken at face value as an Aspect of who childe is (not necessarily the whole of it, just another mask true to a part of his self) . it should still be acknowledge that part of the reason why his dialogue (and the event in general) fixates on the notion of being a "weapon" has to do with shiki taishous character arc.

because thats what he is. and is trying to discover what kind of purpose a discarded (bc harunosuke left the domain abandoned at the end) weapon and tool like himself can even have anymore. and childes lines taking that repeated emphasis of. whats so bad about being a WeaponTM (& expanding on what that means for Him) specifically . are as much about himself as they are just an attempt to communicate his worldview to shiki taishou as a way of pushing him towards solving this identity crisis he has . that paper boy literally Needs to solve in order for the domain to stop malfunctioning.

and like. okay even if we just look at it w/o paper boy. so say childe considers himself a weapon . but what does that mean to him?

[incoming top 5 dialogue lines that genuinely fucking challenge my sexuality this is so fucking hot. no one talk to me]

"Only those that wish for an end will find one."????????

"My limits vanish behind the horizon with every step I take"??????

FUCK OFF OH MY GODDDD

like people think of childe as this fatalistic if not actively suicidal then at least like passively reckless and uncaring towards his own wellbeing blood knight w low self esteem barreling towards his death and here he is. using his own fucking words. saying that the mere CONCEPT of an END. is not in his fucking VOCABULARY. because it does not serve his ambition to let such confusions ever obstruct his sights.

people think his purpose and ambition is soooo tied to his family tied to the tsaritsa that if those are ever taken away he will just freefall into the depths of directionless confusion and depression and whatever. when.

Here he is. giving a fucking pep talk to a DISCARDED WEAPON THAT HAS LOST HIS PURPOSE. EXCEPT HE KINDA JUST SAYS ITS A SKILL ISSUE TO EVEN NEED TO CONSIDER AN END TO YOUR PATH (hes silly like that). AS AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE OF NATURE. A WEAPON THAT CUTS ANYTHING.

oh hey thats funny now where have i heard that before. bonjour my baguettes any fontainian cults or god kings out there interested in the world and fate altering power of unstoppable weapons that can cut into anything even ego and destiny itself and whatever that may mean?????? O____o

i swear to fucking god if the entire time this entire weapon allegory from labyrinth warriors was all about all cleverly n loosely associating him with themes relating to descenders and wills that rival the world all the way back in 2.2. and yet on release all people wanted was to weep for how sad it was he thought himself a weapon. man why is it always like this . i weep for THAT.

like. idk i dont have anything poetic to say abt it other than childes drive as an individual is just fucking breathtaking to me??? its literally Scary how utterly consumed he is by that ambition yet at the same theres this . crystalline clarity he has towards viewing it and himself ?? this weird ass self awareness that coexists with the all-consuming pursuit and ambition of it all??? this isnt sad this is both ridiculously attractive AND batshit insane like dudeeee . and like . the way he talks about it too like this is just a matter of fact everyday thing to him 💀💀 bc thats his abyss shrimp color vision this is how he rolls . its nothing grandiose its just how he is . this is normal to him its unbearable i hate him

like somewhat unrelated here (sorry) but sometimes i see ppl go against the possibility of childe having sth to do w the 3rd descender (which like yes is a crack theory for now and its not sth i can fully align myself with either as of rn Due To Those Thematic Clashes it just lives rent free Because of how conflictingly insane it is while also having some Strangely compelling evidence in its favor) or even just. Any higher predestined significance assigned to him in the grand scheme of things with the sole argument of like . but then everything about Him is worthless bc it wasnt His ambition and His drive to overthrow the world he wasnt Just A Guy (and. sigh. as the op. of that ancient thing. stop taking that old ass hastily typed post too far and too literally thx. its abt the vibe the attitude the subversion. having a destined purpose if the story handles it well does not conflict w being the quintessential just a guy thanks xx). he was just special all along so it all means Nothing and its like. dude. he told a recently-amnesiac paper boy having an identity crisis that its a fucking skill issue to ever falter in the face of some greater purpose haunting in your past or defining your origins. that a True weapon cuts himself free of even that without even a sliver of hesitation . ppl think that if indeed some soul of the 3rd descender is resurrected in story and idk tries taking over his body with past lives and memories or whatever. you think he isnt ripping the essence and existence of that poor fucking dude apart and devouring him alive into the crushing depths of the black hole of an unquechable ambition that beats a steady pulse at His core just to reclaim HIS place as the ultimate weapon to cut through everything???????

aww thats so cute. you guys think even the hypothetical of theories akin to these being legit on some level is automatically going to ruin his arc and character bc hes gonna be taking it lying down!!!!! you think hes going to look at a Grand destiny Assigned to him by someone Outside and Above and not spit in its face!!!

just like his narwhal looked at the destined cosmic end of All life to fall to ruin and immediately devoted its entire existence to denying the universe that very outcome isnt that curious why are they the sam---------------SORRY SORRY where was i at

like. i see how it is for yall. well. myself on the other hand. i have some fucking faith in him lmao

partially . indeed Because. i read the goddamn text of labyrinth warriors. where they let him Talk about what these things mean to him. and how he Truly isnt about to stop. Ever. hes not looking for an end and if presented with one he sure isnt about to respect it. hes just. built different its absolutely amazing

and yeah my bad i got. sidetracked very badly there. you asked me abt labyrinth warriors but bc its childe this is just what tends to happen like my brain fucking spirals. but like . no im not saying that the weapon theme being such a prevalent aspect in the story is like 100% a descender and sword of narzissenkreuz thematic parallel and intentional reference i just think its Quite interesting in hindsight . that This is the angle they drilled in on .

anyway hopefully this at least had Something to illustrate abt why i love labyrinth warriors for how it serves to establish how much of a madman childe ajax tartaglia my beloved truly is . and how to hoyo his outlook towards the world has very much been one of endless limitless hunger and never-sated ambition . and not whatever fanon wants to cook up. childes greatest enemy has always been stagnation and he has always looked towards the Future. of surpassing each and every limit and boundary on his path . like thats what makes him who he is.

also. last lil thing aka. Most Ignored Canon Line Spoken By This Man

which is a shame bc. its so fucking interesting??? i mean. i get that ppl dont know what to make of it bc everyones so fixated on picturing childe as this loyal puppy tsaritsa fanboy who couldnt even deign to imagine discarding allegiances to anyone yet here he is. saying exactly that.

like ive seen ppl be like oh hes trying to Convince himself of this!!!! hes putting up an act!!!!! and its like? no? i dont think this contradicts anything about his character. people just find it uncomfortable because it implies that the things he listed there are not something of any Inherent value to him. which adds up perfectly fine to me but what do i know.

like the way i have always seen this is that it really isnt. oh childe says he isnt actually a loyal person When it matters to him personally and isnt actually invested in fulfilling his duty (as of Right Now, mind you) which would yes seemingly contradict a lot of other things. but really its just that those concepts alone are void to him. you cant stop him from pursuing his ambition by saying its evil. if the tsaritsa ever truly loses his respect and leaves him completely disillusioned in the archon that once was a fellow honorable warrior in his eyes, the concept of "allegiance" will not be able to dissuade him from turning that burning ambition of toppling the heavens towards her throne too. personal respect maybe. a sense of honor. maybe even disdain so extreme that even investing that time into her now is a waste? sure. but like. you get what im trying at? he is way more ambivalent about these things than most people really Want him to be. bc they dont fulfill the hunger that burns at his core.

and it adds up. bc like. his ambition his drive towards battle and bettering himself and becoming a weapon completely unstoppable and irreplaceable that can conquer the world . is his north star. its the singularity that all else about him orbits around. of course silly little concepts like right and wrong will be secondary to that. we just really havent seen a moment where his ambition is in true conflict with the bonds and oaths he has sworn in his current life. but i have a feeling that if and when we do. this line will make a lot more sense lmao

anyway uhhhhhhh

yeah i liked labyrinth warriors!!! very underacknowledged and misrepresented event that had a ton of fun stuff abt childe. i am super normal about these hip and enjoyable aspects of his character as they are explored within this event as the length and contents of this post imply!!!!

omg anon i. really fucking hope u got at least Something u were looking for out of all this KWJKJKDWWJKDWJKDJKWDK i swearrr i just cannot. stop myself from completely fucking losing it on the asks of every innocent anon (and like non anon too why not) approaching my ask box 😭😭

but thank you again for sending this in!!!!!! have a nice day!!!! im very normal thanks for asking!!!!!

#Deep sigh. Yeah name a more iconic duo than me answering an ask and shit getting completely out of hand. ill wait #well maybe years down the line therell be enough of this bullshit from me that i can make a bingo card #'Jen Goes Insane About Childe Ajax Tartaglia And/Or Narwhal: Anon Was Innocent Edition'#it could be a wholesome group activity!#jdajklwdjwdjwdjkdjkwjkdjkdjkwjkdwjk #well this is . a something . im going to run away now #genshin #asks #childeposting

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jeysbvck · 2 years ago

Text

i've been sleeping so long in a twenty-year dark night (but now i see daylight).

a/n: hello im back on my adrian bullshit. its crazy how almost a year ago i got back into posting my fanfic thanks to adrian, and now almost a year later, adrian has pulled me (albeit maybe temporarily) out of my writers block! PLEASE REBLOG

summary: 4 times you & Adrian almost kiss, & the 1 time you do.

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff, teenage angst, best friends to lovers, new years kiss, mention of threesomes, vague mention of canon? any mistakes are all mine, ive tried to proof-read three times!

word count: 8.4k

14.

"Seriously? You haven't had your first kiss yet?!"

You rolled your eyes and threw a pillow at Adrian, who occupied the bean bag opposite you. "Shut up, it's not like you've had your first kiss either!"

Adrian threw the pillow back at you and smirked. "Actually, I have had my first kiss." He replied, smugly. You scoffed and raised your eyebrow.

"You do know that your pillow with Princess Leias face taped to it doesn't count, right?"

"Ha, ha. I know you're trying to embarrass me, and it won't work." Adrian said, then he mumbled, "I know it doesn't count."

"So who was this kiss with then, loverboy?" You asked, with a smirk. You were confident he was lying, but you weren't sure why he'd be lying. Adrian had been your best friend since you were seven, he had no reason to feel embarrassed around you, and there wasn't anything you didn't know about each other. Until now, apparently.

"Ashley Carter." Adrian shrugged.

"Seriously? Ashley Carter? Obsessed with horses, always wears those weird t-shirts with the horse puns on them?"

"So what! She's pretty, and she thinks I'm cool."

Your body began to burn, your cheeks especially, and you turned away, crossing your arms over your chest. "I think you're cool." You said, huffing slightly. You saw Adrian grin smugly out the corner of your eye and you sighed. "What?"

"Kinda sounds like you're jealous. Did you want to kiss me? Oh my God, did you want to kiss Ashley?!"

Your whole body felt like it was on fire as the embarrassment overwhelmed you. You certainly didn't want to kiss Ashley Carter, so were you jealous that everyone seemed to be having their first kisses, or were you jealous that you weren't Adrian's? You frowned at the thought and shook it off, you definitely weren't feeling that.

"Are you alright? When you're quiet like this, and have that look in your eyes, it usually means you're not alright." Adrian observed, and you nodded. "I didn't mean to upset you, if I even have. I was just teasing you."

You smiled slightly, you always forgot just how much Adrian picked up on. He may not read social cues and situations all too well, but he always knew when something was wrong; you still hadn't figured out how to hide it from him, no matter how much you'd tried over the years. "I'm fine, Adrian. Why didn't you tell me about your first kiss? We tell each other everything."

It was Adrian's turn to sigh, and he shrugged as he tried to sink deeper into the bean bag. "I don't know, you hadn't told me about yours, so I didn't think this was something we were gonna talk about."

"Of course it is, Adrian! This is prime best friend talk! Who else are you gonna talk about it with, parents?!" You replied, earning a chuckle from Adrian, which made you smile. "Besides, I didn't tell you because I haven't had it yet."

"Duh! I know that now, stupid." Adrian retorted, earning another pillow to the face from you. "I just assumed you'd had your first kiss; I'm very surprised by it."

"Wow, you're surprised that the girl whose only friend is the kid who ate glue hasn't been kissed yet?" You raised your eyebrow and Adrian sat up straighter.

"Hey, it was one time, and I was young and stupid back then."

"You were eleven!" You exclaimed.

"That's younger than fourteen!" Adrian exclaimed back, and you fell into a fit of laughter.

"You're an idiot." You laughed, and Adrian grinned triumphantly. "Yeah, but you love me anyway." He replied.

You rolled your eyes affectionately as a comfortable silence fell between you both, with only the sounds of the radio softly filling the air in the treehouse.

"You know...if you wanted...I could be your first kiss." Adrian said. Your eyebrows knitted together, it almost sounded like he said-

"I'm just saying, we're best friends, who else better to have a first kiss with?"

You let out a nervous chuckle, before raising your eyebrow. "Adrian Chase, do you want to kiss me?" You laughed.

"Why is that funny? Like I just said, who else is better for your first kiss? At least you know I'm not gonna run off and laugh about it afterwards behind your back!"

"Oh my God, does that happen?" You squeaked and Adrian nodded, his eyes wide.

"It happened to Matthew Barton. He kissed Millie Sawyer under the bleachers during PE, and by lunchtime, everyone knew he was a terrible kisser and they were all laughing at him."

You sunk further into your bean bag, hoping it would somehow swallow you up, but to no avail. "God, maybe you're right. Maybe this is the best way to just...get it over with."

"That's the spirit!" Adrian encouraged.

"But aren't you supposed to do it with someone you like?"

Adrian's expression fell into his sad, puppy dog face- that he perfected two weeks before his eighth birthday- and pouted at you.

"I like you, don't you like me?"

"For God's sake Adrian, like like!"

"Well, we love each other, right? We say it all the time. So...technically, that's stronger than like like!"

Adrian was making a lot of good points, and honestly, it wasn't like you hadn't thought about what it would be like to kiss Adrian before, but you never thought it would actually happen. You didn't even know if you wanted it to happen. You'd heard all your cousins stories about how awful their first kisses were, even your mom and dad had their horror stories; so wouldn't it be a cute story to have, that your best friend was your first kiss?

"Alright fine, let's do this." You said, and Adrian made a gleeful sound. He scrambled up off the blue bag bag and grabbed your hands, pulling you off your purple one with all his strength. You were suddenly very aware of how sweaty your palms were, and you hoped Adrian didn't notice, or at least didn't mention it. Thankfully, he didn't, he was too busy rambling on about something that you couldn't hear over the sound of your heart pounding in your ears as it begged to be released from its cage.

Adrian pulled his hands from yours, only to put them on your cheeks, like your face was in a vice. Your eyes widened as Adrian leaned in slowly, oh this was really about to happen, you were about to kiss Adrian, and were you feeling...butterflies? As you closed your eyes, anticipating his lips on yours, your heart got faster, it was happening, you were about to have your first kiss...

"GUYS? ARE YOU UP HERE?"

You shrieked and pulled out of Adrian's grip, sending yourself colliding into the small table behind you, sending soda and chips flying everywhere, which ended up on you, who ended up in a heap on the floor.

Your moms head peered up through the hatch on the floor. "Dinners read- oh hon, what happened this time? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Mom. We'll be right down." You replied. Your mom looked at you, then at Adrian, who was trying his hardest to keep his laughter at bay. She shook her head, then disappeared back through the hatch.

Adrian took two large steps towards you and offered you his hand, but you rejected it, and pushed yourself off the floor, brushing the chips off your clothes. Adrian picked some out of your hair, before he grinned. He opened his mouth, but you clamped your hand over it before he could speak.

"We will never talk about this again." You warned, and he nodded, his eyes sparkled with amusement. You removed your hand and headed down the hatch.

"I mean it, Adrian, not a word."

16.

"Honey, I'm home!!" You heard Adrian shout as he climbed up the ladder. You wiped the tears from your eyes, but stayed curled up on the pull out couch that had replaced the bean bags last year. "Hey, I got your text, oh, you're crying. What's wrong?"

"Aaron broke up with me." You told him. "He was using me to make Megan jealous, and it worked, so they got back together."

Adrian sat down on the floor next to the couch and stroked the back of your hair. "Well, at least Megan was jealous of you, right?" You turned your head and glared at Adrian, who blinked behind his glasses. "What?"

"My boyfriend used me and then dumped me, and you think I should be happy because Megan was jealous, which means his horrible plan worked?!"

"Whoa, okay, no, that's not what I meant!" Adrian protested, bringing his hands up in mock surrender. "But, come on, you and Aaron were never gonna last."

"Wow, please, keep going, you're doing an amazing job." You said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, if your goal is to make me want to throw myself from this treehouse."

"Oh, you're being sarcastic." Adrian realised, and groaned as you covered your face with a pillow. "Again, I just meant that Aaron is a fucking dim-witted meathead who doesn't understand anything that doesn't include throwing or kicking a ball."

"But he's so handsome!" You groaned, before you started laughing. "You're right, why didn't I realise it wasn't real? Why would Aaron want me?"

Adrian pulled the pillow from your face and frowned at you. "Aaron Tully doesn't deserve you. You're smart, and funny, and pretty, sometimes a little mean, but in a fun way, and you took me under your wing, even after I cut your hair."

You laughed at the memory. Seven year old Adrian was sat behind you during reading hour. You don't remember feeling him cut your hair, but you do remember him tapping on your shoulder and handing you a fistful of your ponytail. You started crying, wailing even, and Adrian was sent to the naughty corner. The teacher calmed you down with some extra milk and cookies, and when you were feeling better, you took the cookie you had stuffed in your pocket to Adrian. "You're an idiot." You told him, and he grinned as he took the cookie from you.

"Who just cuts someone's hair instead of talking to them like a normal person?" You asked and Adrian shrugged.

"It worked didn't it?"

"So far." You replied, with a teasing smile.

"Okay, move up. We're watching a film." Adrian said, as he turned to grab the laptop from the table behind him. You sat up and swung your legs round so Adrian could sit next to you.

Half an hour into the movie, and you were pretty sure you were going to die of boredom. Adrian had chosen some action film, and your eyelids were heavy, drooping every so often before you jerked yourself awake, or Adrian made a noise at the film. You couldn't help yourself though, and soon your head was on Adrian's shoulder. He felt stiff, like he wouldn't, or couldn't, move, but his eyes stayed glued to the film. Were you pushing a boundary? You had both slept in the same bed hundreds of times, even shared the same sleeping bag on camping trips, was this different somehow? You lifted your head up slightly, to ease Adrian up, ignoring the rejected feeling in your chest.

"You, uh, don't have to move." Adrian told you, his voice a little louder than a whisper and you looked up at him through your eyelashes. He looked nervous, his eyes still fixed on the laptop screen, but you could tell he wasn't paying attention to the film.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable." You replied, matching his tone. You weren't sure what was happening, but something in the air had shifted, as had Adrian. He was now staring at you, with a look in his eyes that you couldn't quite place. It was then you started to notice just how handsome Adrian was getting. He had always been cute, but he was now handsome, and you pouted; how long until other people realize too, or even worse, Adrian himself realizes he doesn't need you anymore?

"You are the only person who you could never, ever make me feel uncomfortable." Adrian replied. "I don't know what I'd do without you, I think I'd last less than a day!"

You giggled and shook your head, "You're an idiot." You said, and Adrian grinned. Neither of you had realized how close you had gotten, so close that you could feel Adrian's breath on your cheek. "Adrian, what are we doing?" You asked.

"I don't know, should we stop?"

"I don't know." You said. The truth was, you didn't want to stop. After you almost kissed when you were fourteen, you had both stayed true to not talking about it, but you hadn't been able to stop thinking about it. For two years, you had been confused about your feelings for Adrian, you didn't know if you had a crush on him, or if it was just a weird teenage feeling. You'd been feeling a lot of things recently.

"I think I'm going to kiss you now." Adrian whispered, and your stomach exploded with the bubbly, butterfly feeling.

"Okay." You whispered. You closed your eyes and held your breath, and Adrian leaned forward ever so slightly...

You both jumped as your phone vibrated loudly against the wood floor. Adrian toppled off the couch as you reached over and grabbed the phone to answer it.

"Hello?" You answered, completely out of breath, your heart racing.

"Are you home? I forgot my keys." Your dad asked.

"I'm coming dad." You replied, practically throwing yourself down the treehouse hatch without looking at Adrian.

"Thanks, love. Did I interrupt you?" Your dad asked, once you opened the door and let him in.

"No, don't worry." You replied, before muttering under your breath " I think you stopped me from making a mistake."

18.

You had no idea how this party got out of hand. You had only invited a handful of people, yet you had a house full of people, most who you didn't know. Everyone seemed to be having a good time, apart from you; being the hostess wasn't like you were thought it would be, instead of drinking and having fun with your friends, you were running round making sure nothing was broken, or being stolen. Not to mention, you hadn't seen Adrian all night, which was completely bumming you out.

After the hundredth time of shouting at a random joke for almost breaking your mom's favorite vase, you had hit your breaking point. You grabbed a plastic bag from under the sink, filled it with snacks, then snatched a bottle of vodka from the island -one that you definitely didn't supply for the party- and headed to your sanctuary; the treehouse.

You hadn't been up there in a while, you'd been busy with your part time job at the library and figuring out what to do with your life. Your parents weren't exactly thrilled that you'd chosen not to attend college just yet, but at least they were being supportive. They'd even heavily suggested that you throw a party, that it would make you feel better, give you a chance to let your hair down. You didn't know why you thought it was a good idea, maybe it was because you were sick of missing Adrian, and it seemed like an easy way to get drunk.

You opened the treehouse hatch, rolled the bottle of vodka across the wooden floor, threw the bag of snacks in the same direction and hauled yourself up. When you turned around, you were surprised to see Adrian, sitting on the couch. It had been a while since you'd seen each other, and when you did, it was awkward. You couldn't speak for why Adrian was being distant, but you had been confused about your feelings for Adrian for a few years, and since the situation with Aaron, it had only become more so. Every time you saw him, your chest tightened and nausea hit. You were eighteen, how were you still dealing with these stupid schoolgirl crush feelings?

"Hey stranger." You finally said. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Yeah, sorry, it got a little crowded down there." Adrian replied, and you nodded as you pursed your lips. "Okay, what's wrong?" Adrian asked.

"Nothing, nothing." You insisted. "I just, didnt think you came, you know, I looked everywhere for you."

"Well, you found me." Adrian said. He was acting weird, he was averting his eyes, looking everywhere but at you. Everything felt like it was going wrong; you didnt know what you were going to do with your life, you couldn't throw a party right, and now your best friend of eleven years wouldn't even look at you.

You rolled your eyes and made your way across the treehouse, kicking the vodka over to the mattress on the floor. You threw yourself down and cracked open the bottle, welcoming the burning the vodka left in your throat. You offered Adrian the bottle silently, which he accepted, making a face after taking a large sip.

"Did you hear about Rebecca Marsh?" Adrian asked, passing the bottle back to you. You shook your head as you took another drink. Adrian got a glint in his eyes and he crawled off the couch and over to you on the mattress. "She got kicked out of Harvard!"

"Fuck off, no!" You squealed, and Adrian nodded furiously as he took the bottle from you. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know, something about a party that got out of control, drugs and the police were involved!"

"Oh, wow." You shook your head. "You know, you're supposed to dress up for a Halloween party."

"Who says?" Adrian asked, passing the half empty bottle of vodka back to you.

"Come on, you used to love dressing up for Halloween!"

"Yeah, when it was just you and me, and not a bunch of people I don't know who will judge me! Besides, your costume isn't exactly a game-changer is it?" Adrian laughed. "You look real good as a witch though."

You smiled slyly as you tucked your hair behind your ear. You weren't sure if it was the vodka, or your confusing feelings, but you were pretty sure Adrian was flirting with you. You took another drink from the bottle instead of replying, mainly because you weren't sure what you should say. Adrian didn't notice though, he just kept talking.

"You look real good in anything though. Maybe if I had told you more we'd still be close." Adrian mused, and you frowned. You put the bottle down and grabbed Adrians face, smushing his cheeks together as you stared into his wide drunk eyes with your own.

"Adrian, you are not the reason we haven't been spending time together. I've just been stressed, and confused and I thought-"

"Confused about what?" Adrian asked, his speech muffled slightly. You let go of his face and stood up as you took another sip of the drink, avoiding his gaze, and his question. "Hey, talk to me!" Adrian insisted. He grabbed your arm and pulled you back to face him.

You groaned loudly and rolled your head, cracking your neck as you did so. "It's nothing, okay! I just missed you, and I was beginning to think, after everything these past few years that-" You stopped and looked at Adrian, worry etched across his face as he waited for you to finish. "-I thought I was losing my best friend." At least you told him half the truth.

Adrian's eyebrows knitted together and he took your hands in his. "What? You think it's gonna be that easy to get rid of me? These past few years have been...weird, but that's just stupid teenager stuff, right? We'll always be okay." Adrian promised.

"Wow, when did you get so wise?" You chuckled.

"I guess all those years being around you rubbed off on me." Adrian said, and you rolled your eyes. "Oh, wait, hold still."

You did as you were told, and when Adrian lifted his finger to your cheek, your breath hitched in your throat and your eyes fluttered closed. He gently grazed his finger just under your eye, & when you opened them, he had an eyelash on his fingertip.

"Make a wish." He whispered. You blew the eyelash away, and Adrian placed his hand on your cheek

"Adrian...we're drunk." You warned.

"So? You don't wanna do this?" He whispered.

"I just don't think we should. It's not the right time." You replied.

"It never is, so why not now?" Adrian's finger traced your cheekbone, and you inhaled through your nose. Fuck it, you were both drunk, but it was clear you both wanted this.

Suddenly, the hatch door opened. "Are you fucking kidding me?!" You shouted, turning to the hatch, eyes wide as Melissa waved from the hatch.

"Hi, sorry to interrupt but....the police are kicking everyone out. You better come down." Melissa informed you, before waving and disappearing. You smiled apologetically at Adrian, before following Melissa. You felt deflated, like the world was against you and Adrian, that you were cursed.

21.

"Call Adrian. Call Adrian! Ugh, stupid phone!" You said to yourself. You had been on one your first -and last for a while- night out for your twenty-first, and of course you'd left your keys at home. Which would've been fine, if your parents hadn't locked the front door before going to bed. It was three am, and there was no way in hell you were waking them up by banging on the front door, demanding to be let in. You sat under the tree, and opened up Adrian's texts, before deciding to send him a voice note.

"Heyyyy, Adrian, bestie. So, I just got home, and I'm locked out of my house. I think I'm going to have to sleep in the treehouse, but there's a....thirty...no, eighty percent chance that I'm going to fall off the ladder and die. On my twenty-first birthday. Figures, right. I don't know why you didn't come tonight, but I wish you had, I wanted to spend my birthday with you, especially since I'm...you know, that thing we're not discussing for some reason. Anyway, hope this does wake you."

You hit send, then stood up, kicked off your heels, and climbed up the ladder, slowly. It took you ten minutes to get up the ladder, and once you were in the treehouse, you flung yourself onto the floor. "Oh my God, I didn't die!" You said gleefully to yourself. You crawled across the floor to the mattress, and got under the very fluffy blanket on top of it.

You couldn't believe Adrian hadn't turned up tonight. You wanted to be mad at him, to shout at him and make him feel guilty for missing your big milestone, but you just couldn't. It was hard to be mad at your best friend, when you knew you were leaving town. It wasn't for long, a few months, at least, but it was a good worming opportunity, and those didn't come round often when you weren't in college. You and Adrian hadn't spoken about it, apart from when you initially told him. He'd acted supportive, he'd told you to go for it, that he was proud of you, and he gave you a hug; a hug that felt like he didn't want to let go. But then, nothing. He didn't bring it up, and neither did you, although you really wanted to. You wanted to tell him that nothing was going to change, that he'd always be your best friend, but you couldn't bring yourself to bring it up.

"Okay, I'm guessing your up here, because your shoes and bag are on the grass down there."

You pulled the blanket from over your head and grinned as Adrian peered over the hatch. "What are you doing here? It's three am!" You asked, and Adrian held his phone up.

"You sent me this very drunk voice note about how you were about to possibly die while climbing into here."

"I did? Huh, I don't remember that. Weird." You shrugged and lay back down on the mattress. "Hey, come join me. We won't be able to do this for much longer."

"Don't remind me." Adrian muttered as he joined you under the blanket. You lay on your side and stared at Adrian as he settled under the blanket. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"I'm just looking at you Adrian."

"No, you're looking at me like you looked at Orlando Bloom when we watched Pirates of the Caribbean." Adrian replied. "Why?"

"I'm not meaning to!" You said, a little too loudly. "I'm just- when did you get so pretty?"

Adrian just stared ahead, and you in your drunk state weren't sure if you'd actually said that out loud. You hadn't meant to, but you also didn't regret it, and you would absolutely repeat it if he asked you to. Besides, you were drunk and leaving in three days, if Adrian didnt want to see you again, he didn’t have to. Even if it would break you.

"You're drunk." Adrian finally said, and you scoffed.

"Two things can be true, Adrian. You're my best friend, if I can't tell you that you're pretty, who can?"

"You're right. I've never been called pretty before." Adrian said, a hint of red spreading across his cheeks. You beamed, and you pinched his cheek softly.

"Well, you're the prettiest." You told him. "Can I ask you something?"

Adrian turned his body to match your position, "Shoot."

"Why didn't you come tonight?" You didn't want to ruin the mood, but it had been eating at you all night, it was a reason you got as drunk as you had. Adrian took a deep breath, staring intensely at you.

"I had to work." He said. You let out one single laugh, and rolled your eyes. "What? I did!"

"That's such a weak excuse Adrian. You've been avoiding me for ages now, I just thought it would be different tonight, considering it's a pretty big birthday!"

"I'm not, I mean- I just- ugh!" Adrian turned to face the ceiling and put his hands over his head. "I'm trying to get used to not being with you!"

"Oh." Your heart sank and a lump started to form in your throat. "We're still gonna talk everyday!"

"You say that now, but will we? Everything's changing too fast, and I don't like it."

You pulled Adrian's hands from his face and turned his head to you. With your hand on his cheek, you shook your head. "If you think I can go a single day without talking to you, you're an idiot. I need you, Adrian. I've only ever needed you."

Adrian's breath hitched in his throat, and he ran his tongue over his lips nervously. I'm gonna do it, you thought, it's now or never.

You leaned forward ever so slightly, your hand still on Adrian's face. He watched with huge, wide eyes as you came closer, his eyes frantically darting to your lips and back up. At the last second though, he turned away. "Don't."

You pulled your hand from his cheek and stood up, embarrassment and rejection had sobered you up completely. "I'm sorry, I thought you-"

"No, I do!" Adrian exclaimed, scrambling off the mattress.

"Yeah, it seems like it." You scoffed. "Look it's fine, let's just forget about it, okay? I've been drinking, it brought some stuff up, I misread, well, everything. It's whatever."

"It's not whatever!" Adrian groaned, throwing his arms up. "Of course I've thought about it, I have for years! But you're drunk, and I'm not, and it's just not the right time!"

"So when is then? Because it wasn't tonight, and it wasn't three years ago, so when is?!"

"Then maybe there isn't a right time. Maybe we missed it."

You had always thought that Aaron Tully had broken your heart at aged 16, but that was nothing compared to how you felt right now. "What are you saying?"

"That maybe we missed our chance." Adrian confirmed. "Maybe we were doomed from the start."

"Right, yeah." You tried to swallow lump in your throat, but it just got bigger, and you turned away Adrian, refusing to let him see your eyes filling up. "I should go." Adrian said softly, and you nodded your head.

Adrian threw himself against your back and wrapped his arms around you. "I'll come see you before you leave, okay?" You nodded again, not able to trust your voice. Only when you heard the hatch close did you let the tears escape as you crumbled to the floor.

25.

You were talking with your aunts when you saw him from across the room, and your heart almost exploded. After three years of not seeing him, he was a sight to behold. He hadn't changed, not really, he was still the Adrian you grew up with, but there was something different about him; you just couldn't put your finger on it. Your aunts pulled you back into the conversation, but you weren't paying much attention. You interjected with little mumbles and murmurs of acknowledgement here and there, but you couldn't take your eyes off Adrian as you watched him greet your parents. Then your eyes met, and you waved slightly. Adrian grinned, and you swear it brightened up the room. You reciprocated the smile, and got back to the conversation just in time, as one of your aunts began to ask about your job.

You made it to eleven before you could no longer deal with your relatives. You loved them very much- and when your parents told you they were throwing a New Years party, you jumped at the chance to come home and see everyone- but if one more person asked you about your relationship status, you'd drink yourself to death. So after another depressing conversation about how scarily close to 30 you were and how scarily single you were, you slipped out into the back garden and climbed up the ladder to your old favourite space.

It had been years since you'd been up here, even when you were spending weekends at home, you avoided the treehouse like the plague, you wouldn't even look at it. It reminded you of Adrian, and although you called each other and texted all the time, it hadn't felt the same since your twenty-first birthday. You pushed at the hatch and hauled yourself up, and as you turned around, you almost fell back down the hole in fright.

"Fuck! Adrian, you scared me!" You yelled, and Adrian jumped up.

"I'm so sorry! You know how I am with parties, and I thought I'd see how this place was holding up without me." Adrian said. He ran his finger over the coffee table and held up his dusty finger. "Looks great."

"It has been a while since it's been used." You said. "Dad had the idea to tear it down, but I wouldn't let him." You replied. "That's not the only thing that's been a while."

"What are you- Ohhhh, us! I mean- just that it's been a while since we've been face to face."

"Yeah," You chuckled. It was awkward, and you absolutely hated it. How had it come to this? You were once inseperable, a package deal, and now you could barely be in the same room together. It didn't help that he looked so good. His glasses now framed his face, and they didn't hide his stupidly beautiful eyes. "Hey, you want a drink?" Adrian asked, and when you wavered, he tilted his head and frowned. "Oh come on, it's New Year, have a drink!"

You smiled and took the bottle of beer from Adrian, and you noticed that his once stick-thin arms were now huge. You gulped and licked your lips and turned away from Adrian before heading to the window. Was it hot in here? Adrian followed and sat next to you, tilting the bottle towards you. You clinked the two bottles together before taking a drink, and you sighed. "So, how have you been?"

"Good, yeah. I'm still working at Fennel Fields, and I've even got a side job too."

"A side job? Doing what?"

"Oh, just stuff. Remember Christopher Smith?"

"Guts friend? The racist guy who calls himself Peacemaker? Isn't he locked up?"

"He is. But we became friends before he left. We used to hang out and everything." Adrian said, and you frowned.

"Why are you hanging out with him? Adrian, he was such a dick to you, and to everyone else in school! What could you possibly be doing with him?"

"He's changed, mostly." Adrian insisted, and he ignored when you rolled your eyes and scoffed. "Well, anything else new?" You asked.

"Not really. I've had some threesomes here and there, but-"

You chose the wrong time to take a drink, and you spluttered as you choked. Adrian began to slap your back, and you batted his hand away. "You've had threesomes?! With who?!"

"Me, Chris and who-"

"Nope, no, stop! I don't wanna know!" You shouted, covering your ears with your hands. "Oh God, I need something stronger than beer right now."

You could feel the jealousy bubbling up inside you, and you needed to push it down, quick. The thought of Adrian...you didn't want to think about it anymore, but it was all you could think about. Between that revelation, the way he looked and the feelings you were battling to keep at bay, your mind was melting with inappropriate thoughts.

"You alright?" Adrian asked, and you nodded.

"I'm just, uh- I'm just thinking about my ex." You replied, quickly. When Adrian groaned, you scoffed. "What's your problem?"

"I just don't want to hear about your sexual conquests." Adrian said, and you turned to him, your mouth agape.

"Oh, so you get to drop that you've had multiple threesomes since we last saw each other, but I mention one date and you cringe?!"

"I didn't cringe! I just-"

"You just what, Adrian? What could possibly-"

"I don't wanna think about you with other people!" Adrian yelled over you.

You opened your mouth to respond, but closed it instead. You smirked slightly and shook your head, before you looked around the grimy treehouse. Nothing had changed in here, apart from a few bits of furniture that had been changed, yet you and Adrian were different people now; in some ways at least. "Remember when we had a sleepover for Halloween, and stole all the candy for the trick-or-treaters?" You asked Adrian, who laughed loudly.

"Of course! Your mom was so mad at us!"

"Yeah, so were our stomachs!"

"The floor was never the same either." Adrian added.

"Okay, what's your favourite treehouse memory?" You asked. Adrian hummed as he pondered your question, and you took a sip of beer as you watched him. You couldn't stop the corner of your lip from turning up when you noticed he still scrunched his nose when he spoke; the way the corner of his eyes crinkled; the way he bit his lip when he was concentrating.

"Oh I know!" Adrian exclaimed, a sparkle in his eye, and you leaned forward with anticipation, your elbows rested on your knees. "When I was almost your first kiss, but your mom interrupted us, and you fell over!"

"Well, mines about to be when I throw you out this window!" You gasped and laughed. As Adrian smirked at you, you attempted to geab his arm, but he grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards him, resulting in you being on top of Adrian as he lay on the floor.

The atmosphere in the treehouse went from being light-hearted and fun, to serious and heart-racing. You bit your lip as Adrian looked up at you. You couldn't remember the last time you'd been this close, if you'd ever been, but you were afraid of moving, of saying or doing the wrong thing and ruining whatever this moment was.

"My real favourite memory," Adrian said, softly, almost like he was choosing his words carefully, "was when you made us watch that Heath Ledger rom-com."

"Wait a minute, your favourite memory, out of every single memory we've made in this place, is when I forced you to watch Ten Things I Hate About You?!"

Adrian shrugged and smiled shyly, a small blush forming on his cheeks as he stared up at you, with those adorable, wide eyes of his. "We were sharing a blanket and a bowl of popcorn on the mattress, and just as I realized you hadn't slapped my arm or tell me a fact about the scene in about seven minutes, I felt your head drop to my shoulder. I turned to look at you and you were asleep, it was adorable," Adrian paused, then added, "and the first time I realized I might be in love with you."

You sat up, forgetting you were on top of Adrian, and you stared at him, your arms crossed. "That…that was when we were seventeen. What- you- what? Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because you were my best friend! I didn't know if I was just confusing my feelings, or if I was what I was feeling was real, and our friendship was more important than whatever I was feeling."

"So, why now?" You questioned, dropping your arms and posture from the defensive position you'd found yourself in, and as Adrian sat up, you found yourself completely on his lap.

"When I saw you tonight, I realized we'd spent too much time apart. I was up here thinking about you, building up the courage to come and speak to you. God, do you know how much I miss you? The phone calls and texts just aren't enough for me. I didn't tell you what was going on before because I was scared, and I didn't wanna lose you, and I told you I didn't think it was the right time. Turns out, I lost you anyway. I know too much has changed, but my feelings never did."

You didn't want to say anything, there were no words that could ever convey how you were feeling right now. Adrian's eyes were full of fear, he could barely look at you. There was only one thing you wanted to do, and you were going to do it. There was only one thing, one person who could stop you; you just hoped he wouldn't. You put your hand on his cheek and guided him to look at you.

"Adrian," you whispered, "this is the right time."

Adrian didn't waste a single second. He grabbed you by the hips and pulled you closer to him, and you held his face in your hands. As your lips finally touched, fireworks began to go off outside, illuminating you both as you melted into one another. Everything finally felt right, after eleven years and five attempts, the universe finally allowing you both the one thing you'd wanted for as long as you could remember.

"We finally found the right time." Adrian mumbled into your lips, and you grinned as he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours. "Happy New Year, babe."

You pouted for another kiss which Adrian happily granted. "Happy New Year, Adrian."

#adrian chase fic #adrian chase #vigilante fic #vigilante #adrian chase ive missed you #my writing*#peacemakernet

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skeletalsepulchre · 10 months ago

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making a copy of this bc op disabled reblogs and i just got reminded it existed and would like to not lose it

ok so . im outing myself to the world but thats fine this is too funny to not share

so. ive run a roleplay blog for a few years. i keep it separate from my main, yknow, its just a side hobby and ive been doing it since i was like, 12. its cringe but hey yknow at least im not 30 and writing ya novels

now its pretty common for rp blogs these days to have rules. right? you dont want to just bag any weirdo on this website, and as you can imagine bnha roleplayers are batshit crazy (see: conversion therapy todoroki) so mine are pretty strict and detailed. because ive been doing it long enough to be exposed to what counts as carbon monoxide poison from a screen. one of those rules is "if youre mutuals with people who write porn of the kids even aged up im blocking you we're keeping a ten foot pole on this". because as a 20 year old man i have a healthy disinterest in seeing paragraphs of teenagers fucking

so the dash is astir with talk of a guy writing age up bakugou porn and im like ok whatever. make a post bitching about it . mutual likes those posts but then the mutual is turning around and being buddy buddy with this guy so i dm the mutual like hey whats going on here . mutual is like "well why dont you talk it out with him hes not as mean as he seems i prommy" and im like sure whatever i can have civil conversation and if it ends with One Less Person writing weirdo porn then i might be able to get into heaven

so i dm him and he loses his fucking mind. it lasted all of 10 minutes because he was sending paragraphs like this and i was too tired to give a shit

(take note of my icon thats a special tool thatll help us later)

(also he goes by the name rxgelord. WITH the x. thats also important just because its funny as fuck)

so the guys clearly bothered by the idea that people might possibly talk about him without his permission and im a little miffed after being misgendered (which hed do again later) so i just post our dms. swing first and hey batter batter lets play ball i dont give a shit this is bnha roleplay

once again: loses his damn mind. he makes a psa post about me talking about how im just some pussy infant and hes too HARD for me and shit and also they do bakudeku muffin roleplay in the comments of that post which is fucking insane

anyway. at one point while joking about the whole thing i called him a "wannabe bakugou kinnie" as a joke and apparently he felt a very serious need to address this

and im like holllllllllllllly fucking shit

you may have noticed that his posts are incredibly over-formatted. this goes for everything he does he is pouring a LOT of time and energy into typing his 9 paragraphs about how im an insane bitch or whatever. (if theres literally one thing i can give him credit on its that his graphic editing skills are kinda good. i will be honest) his rules document is also just as insane and features gems such as:

(this dude thinks hes pulling bitches on a bnha roleplay blog)

so we're just full on ragging on him at this point and hes getting MADDDDDDD MAD. he misgenders me again and when i point it out he has the following excuse:

(art by @/pcktknife. anyways)

after a certain point i get dmd an old copy of a 130+ page callout he had a year prior and im like WHAT and it included his yugioh rp blog career and various allegations like having been involved in gang violence, doxxing, etc. also a picture of the hickies he bragged about leaving on his uwu pink glitter gf which looked more like he was trying to go for the killing bite but hey. yknow. apparently im a toddler idk how that works

along in this we also find his twitch account, which was under the name rxgelord, and it featured edited graphics of his real life face with bakugou. he posts selfies a lot too i wont share them even if theyre public but he has knuckle tats and a goatee and uses the greyscale filter. if this gives you an idea. he also had 5 twitch followers and detailed his desire to be a rapper/dj and im like holllllly fucking shit this guy cant be a real person. holy fuck.

anyways. skipping a lot of unnecessary bullshit and paragraphs of text with gifs from 2013 attached hes constantly going on about how we wont just "say it to his face" which i think is hilarious bc i was, the entire time. but im like ok fine you want me so bad

so i send him this. he posts about how "he won when he got all might" (for some reason hes calling my ex mutual by the character name. i dont know) and then hasnt posted in 4 days. he deleted his twitch. im a little worried bakugou. dont say that. may have actually chased this man off the internet . to go have real life sex with his real life girlfriend so he isnt so mad

anyway we ended up turning one of his posts into an eminem uberduck

im honestly probably forgetting something this was so much and it was so fucking funny and honestly im glad to have been there

update: he has not in fact posted since last summer. god bless.

#just copy pasted it . for posterity #very funny how in the og ppl are asking abt ctt. dont worry abt it #bakugou dont say that

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ckret2 · 1 year ago

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Ive only read one fic that dives deeply into bill being from flatland (flat dreams, though its popular enough, you probably heard about it from someone). And while i love it, im realy intrigued by your ideas cause its taking things in a widly opposite direction

Not only have I heard about it—multiple times!—I've also already had a couple of folks comment on my posts in a way that makes it clear they're assuming my headcanons are inspired by/based on Flat Dreams, rather than simply based on Flatland.

This is the first time someone's said they're intrigued because it's different from Flat Dreams. I feel like there's probably gonna be a lot of people measuring up my headcanons against the other fic they all know and there's not much I can do about that, so I appreciate hearing something positive!

At the moment I haven't read past chapter 2—through absolutely no fault of the author's own, it's pretty irritating to have credit for one's own writing & ideas be given to somebody else who had nothing to do with it, and it's put me off from reading the fic for now—but I have gone out of my way to get as thoroughly spoiled for the fic as I can just to make sure I'm not, y'know, accidentally retreading the exact same plot as the most well-known backstory fic in the fandom.

And yeah, by the sound of it, I just decided to veer off in a completely different direction from Flat Dreams right from the outset.

Between Bill's monologue during Weirdmageddon and "EDWIN ABBOT ABBOT HAS A DECENT IDEA" it makes perfectly logical sense to go "Flatland exactly as it is can be treated as 100% canon to Gravity Falls -> Bill is an extremely weird guy from an extremely repressive & controlling world -> Bill was trying to undo his society's oppression, went way too far, and became the villain," and get a narratively compelling backstory that fits perfectly with canon and does exactly what everyone kinda expects Bill to have done based on what we know.

However, it also happens to be a narrative that personally rubs me the wrong way. I don't think it's bad, and I still enjoy stories that use it—but it bothers me enough that I don't want to write it myself.

Conversational detour time! I've been in Transformers fandom for about 20 years, and—to oversimplify a complicated and protracted series of narrative reboots—over time, the writers of the franchise decided to give the evil villainous Decepticon army more narrative depth by stating that their home planet used to be extremely corrupt, oppressive, and controlling (you can safely compare it to 1984, Flatland, and a whole bevy of other dystopias), and the Decepticons rose up as a rebellion against the oppressive government—but then went too far, turned evil, devastated their planet, started conquering and slaughtering the rest of the galaxy, etc. etc.

The problem with this is the Decepticons are the antagonists' faction, which means the heroes are usually the surviving legacy of the corrupt oppressive government—and so for a long while you got stories with unintentional implications like "are the oppressive government and the underprivileged minorities fighting back against the government actually equally bad?" or "maybe if we let the most painfully oppressed people in society exercise any political power, their first instinct will be to oppress other people" or "sure, cops are bad and nobody wants a police state, but maybe the best solution is to find the nicest cops and put them in charge."

I say this as somebody who loves Transformers dearly, and Transformers does take some stabs at grappling with these moral issues. I don't even necessarily think it's always a bad idea to write a "faction fighting for a Good Cause goes too far and becomes worse than the thing they're fighting" story.

But several years of grimacing at the same bunch of Unfortunate Implications made me personally lean away from writing any story ideas that could be summed up as "—and attempting to fight systematic oppression made him evil."

So right from the get-go I was always going to avoid the most straightforward "Bill became a villain over the course of fighting Flatland's oppression" backstory—and trying to come up with something entirely different that still fits his claim that he "liberated" his "flat-minded" world pretty much guaranteed I wouldn't write a backstory that had much in common with Flat Dreams.

And from everything else I currently know about Flat Dreams, it seems like on most big plot points, I just sorta decided before I knew anything about the fic besides "it's Bill in Flatland" that I would do something different. "Bill gives me hella only child vibes, and that might make a good contrast to how the main cast all have siblings to help emotionally balance them." "I think I'd rather characterize his home world as less like a dystopian Victorian England and more like vaguely-modern vaguely-Western society—something that's easier for the audience see echoes of our world in than a satire a century removed from its context." "Bill doesn't strike me as someone who's good at making or maintaining friends, so with the possible exception of the Flatlander-looking guys I bet his Henchmaniacs are an ever-shifting gang of shallow brief friendships, so he's probably only known most of them a few years." "In the main fic and in Bill's backstory, as much as possible I want to introduce and play with new ideas rather than have major plot points depend upon plot devices we've already seen used in canon (for instance, ruling out Globnar as the source of Bill's power)."

I dunno what this says, except that two writers can take the exact same source materials and decide to construct a narrative with the exact same overall arc about the exact same character guided by the exact same canon quotes/details, and still come up with two wildly different stories depending upon the writers' individual tastes, priorities, and interests.

so uh tl;dr: yep I've heard of Flat Dreams; I respect its position in the fandom but haven't read it yet; based on what I know about it, I think I'm just interested in telling another story than Flat Dreams' author, and that's neither better nor worse but it is different. (And I really appreciate hearing "I'm interested in seeing something different"!)

#anonymous #ask #about my writing #bill goldilocks cipher

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stemmmm · 1 year ago

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i got back from a week long trip so now i've had plenty of time to ruminate on things and im finally ready to see what the fuck this guy has been trying to cook

episode 7 post

ep1 ep2 ep3 ep4 ep5+6

i think i saw a drawing of this guy earlier today except he had boobs

so lion's pretty obviously supposed to be the baby from 19 years ago, right.

ay ay aY AY AY

oh bah, the way it started out as just the last word in caps for a couple lines made me think dlanor was disguised as shannon or something but nah shes just like a robot or possessed for something.

i feel like ive been told explicitly 15 times that beato was the original beatrice's daughter who kinzo believed was her reincarnated, as if this is the first time im being given this information

damn bro you look hideous

alright so we're positing that original beatrice was enough of a fascist that she stuck to mussolini even after the rest of the country gave up? ok.

alright alright alright we're talking about whether the axis were cowards based on whether or not they surrendered and how alright.

REALLY FUNNY FOR THE V/O TO STILL BE FULLY JAPANESE WHEN HE'S SUPPOSED TO BE SPEAKING ENGLISH. OH BUT "I CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH" IS?

interesting that this beatrice is using the baby beato voice. I've been trying to get the logic of it, and the best I can figure is that its just... to differentiate? differentiate WHAT exactly, whether its between human beatrices or just the humans and the witch im not sure yet. but I miss her other voice :( the flashback we got of her earlier that I didn't mention also used this voice even though im fairly certain the original version didn't.

i get that its for plot contrivances because beatrice had to get here somehow but WHY on EARTH would someone bring their daughter on an armed military vessel in the middle of a massive war. also because i touched on it earlier i'd like to clarify, i get that the participants in war are not necessarily people who agree with any of it. and even then, your circumstances of birth and pressure from your family will put you in situations out of your control (given, thats what this whole thing has Been About). idk i dont want it to come across as i don't get what's going on or like im an idiot or something. i may also be a bit defensive because i haven't really enjoyed the reading process terribly much in a while and didn't appreciate some of the feedback i've gotten in regards to "just keep reading, you'll like it, youll understand" because i dont think its properly come across that i think i Do understand, im just squicked the fuck out by a lot of things in part 6 and so far haven't seen anything that would allegedly turn my opinion around that much. but there's still a lot left in this to go. im just. bored honestly.

REALLY funny how much "bice" comes off sounding like bitch. all my friends at home call me bitch

oh my god also hilarious. the golds in the submarine isnt it.

EVEN IF ITS A TOP SECRET BASE WHY THE FUCK DONT YOU HAVE A DOCTOR?

anybody else have to stop and hold their head for a minute every time wildly specific gun specs are listed for no reason whatsoever

anyways this fight over the gold is fun, i figured something was gonna have to happen that got everyone else off that island and left the gold, so this makes as much sense as anything. and feeling the drive to live despite it all after seeing genuine bloodshed for the first time is a little overdone but just fine.

*curb your enthusiasm theme starts playing* well at least he insisted on taking her to a doctor

ohhhhh we're confirming beato is really and for true kinzo's biological daughter *head in handssss*

PLEASE STOP PINCHING THIS MAN'S ASS!!!

oh my god, first acknowledgement that battler isn't here. i kinda figured since he's always been kinzo's mirror of sorts, he wasn't gonna be here because kinzo was alive. like there's no reason for that to be the case, but to me the logic felt sound. battler and kinzo haven't been in the same place at the same time, at least not in 1986. and it seems that will continue to be the case !!

STOP PINCHING EVERYONES ASSES

lion sucks, actually. wretched personality.

i was holding back on making a joke about how maria talks about beato the way christian billboards exclusively go on about how there's "evidence god exists" or whatever, but now she's reciting the bible word for word so i dont know what to do with my point but i have to share it now. i do like that her point seems to be that because maria doesn't have a father, she is jesus. good for you girl.

BEATOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. and with the voice! ok so definitely that's the witch's voice.

alright this whole scenario can be argued as maria having an imaginary friend about it but if that piece of candy that beato told her to keep as a souvenir and not eat is still in maria's bag, magic is fucking Real.

also beato telling maria to practice basic hygene as her witch traini-- *has a jimmy neutron style brain blast and remembers the 1 (one) shinto shrine i've visited* OH, NO THIS IS A SHINTO THING. OK HELL YEAH. more of beato the "western" witch using japanese magics. i see i see i see.

fellas i may just like witch beato

#m.txt #umineko liveblog

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tendebill · 1 year ago

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[oc]

every now and then i get an idea for something in my uni and i have to marinate on it but man...

(rant underneath, cw for on-graphic discussion of amputation)

for a while now ive been seeing some cool robotic porcelain-esque arm designs on pinterest and theyve made me think. essentially i saw an opportunity for angst and now i cant unsee it. to cut to the point: what if one of my characters, the MAIN ones, lost their arm/both their arms? it would satisfy my need to finally use the different pretty robotic arms ive been seeing as inspiration PLUS its additional angst and a win is a win. it could be fun to design. NOT TO MENTION the story potential of something so big happening.

COUPLE OF PROBLEMS WITH THAT THO. losing both arms? kind of a big deal. i dont wanna do it for a background/side character, i want it to actually be a big deal and to have impact. but again, its a huge thing and i would have to write a whole lotta scenes and stuff for it, so it doesnt just happen and never get mentioned again. besides i am not sure on WHO it would even BE.

Seph and Ellie feel off-limits, considering all the other shit they have going on already and them not having arms for ANY period of time would be a problem, when a huge part of the plot relies on them DOING THINGS AND GOING PLACES. im not including Huen, David, Angelica or Maffi on the list either, as they have pretty solid arcs and dont need any more content for their stories.

HOWEVER. there are James, Cyan, Dots and Lucy, plus Angele if i wanted to be REALLY horrible. Angele could be an interesting candidate, but again, i feel like she has enough content already.

James' arc is mostly about him finding that hes not useless and gaining confidence, despite his magic being the weakest of the main group (he has Angelica Emperor to thank for some of it, cuz yk, she doesnt have any magic at all but shes still formidable and she helps him out a lot). he doesnt need that much dark stuff in his story.

Cyan? they were my first choice i think, but then i rememebered they already have a big thing with turning back time, which leaves them with wounds all over their body and makes them unable to use their magic for a good long while. them losing their arms ON TOP OF THAT would be overkill and would be decommissioning a very useful and fun character for basically no reason.

Dots... could be interesting. since shes a healer and feels like her team depends on her being able to help them and keep a cool head, having her UNABLE to help and hurt to that extent would be crushing for her usual composure. having her see her team pull through for her with helping her recover would let her see how much they appreciate her and that shes not alone. PLUS her girlfriend, Lucy, is a scientist. the idea of Lucy making new arms for her could be fun to explore.

speaking of Lucy, she's my prime candidate i think. also, for some reason whenever i had the idea to premanently kill off one of the main characters for dramatic effect, it had always been her. rest assured, i no longer want to kill her for dramatic effect. but i have considered it. multiple times. it wouldnt bring anything into the story tho, which is why i scrapped it. having Dots help Lucy design the arms for her and then having to find someone capable enough to construct them? could be a fun sidequest for my favourite lesbians (ommitting the missing arms thing of course). plus having prosthetic arms that she designed herself would be a fun aesthetic to explore PLUS since she deals with chemicals a lot, having artificial hands would make it so that shes less at risk for chemical burns and stuff. IT KINDA WORKS AND THATS WHAT SCARES ME.

another thing is that, like i mentioned, if it was Lucy (or even Dots if i played my cards right) i have a whole new side character i could bring into the story. and while, sure, i have a lot of ocs already, but i wouldnt be making a COMPLETELY NEW ONE. instead i have two unused ocs, one SUPER old and one that ive been toying with for a while on how to bring them into the story. if i made them ONE character and gave them a purpose in this story, its another win-win.

but then again, do i have the balls to actually cut of someones arms. technically i could compromise and make it so that the oc of choice loses only one hand, but it feels kinda... overdone in a way? i feel like characters losing both arms is less common. besides, go big or go home. either no arms are lost, or both are. but also it could be a bit too dark? idk ive done some horrible shit to my ocs and given them trauma beyond reason but this somehow feels too evil :|

#oc rant #tendebill ocs #long post #oc story #oc lore

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cerealmonster15 · 1 year ago

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MWAHAHAHAA UNO REVERSE CARD 1 & 8 YOULL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

wh- hey- HEY COME BACK do NOT make me add a Draw Four Cards in the same color to your pile!!! COME BACK HERE AND TALK ABOUT CHARACTERS!!!!!

not yet tho. it's my turn 😌 going for twst for both of these 🕺

sorry. i talked a lot. this is why no one else sent me questions probably. bc i can and will do it again given the chance 🧡

1- the character everyone gets wrong

i. 🧍 ok so ive been more in my bubble lately so perhapeth my frothing at the mouth will be a bit more outdated idk. im scared of the main tags LOL but. ahem, i am torn between wanting to pick riddle, maybe cater, or ROOK. im a rook apologist til the day i die i s2g. however i am a heartslabyul stan first and a person second, as i have said many a time, so im going with CATER MY BELOVED CAYCAY ACTUALLY.

listen i admit here that i could also be Fully Wrong bc tbh cater's whole Deal is so vaguely hinted at and peppered in at the most spaced out moments and we know so very little about his Secret Sadness and more somber side, there's probably more that we still dont know that maybe [I HOPE] they will spring on us over time. however. HOWEVER. i do not think cater's sunshine upbeat persona is 100% "Fake". like i think there's more to it. yes sure he is implied to be putting on more of a peppy face for the sake of people around him and gets exhausted by it, but i dont think that means it's ALL A LIE and that the sad boy cater is the REAL cater. like i think it's all real, to an extent? something i really like about twst are how, at least to me, everyone seems to be pretty well rounded and multifaceted. there's not really a one note character. everyone's got their own personality and backstory and some we just have learned more about than others. but the way they react to certain situations and certain people and certain environments... just like in real life, it's going to change sometimes depending on the situation. so maybe he masks a bit and pushes out the negativity bc he's def the mediator type who tries to keep up morale, but i dont think that means he's never once experienced Real Joy in his life. i know the lab story with the madrake had those more morose sadlad mandrakes he desperately wanted to hide from lilia and vil [even tho they saw right through him] but the other ones he made still reflected him too! aspects of him, for better or for worse. i'm just saying i don't think it's gotta be all or nothing. there's def more to him under the surface, but i don't think that means everything he shows is all a complete lie forever either.

to follow up on that, i ALSO don't agree w/the depiction that his friendships mean nothing to him / are also all "fake". listen. i have reread cater's wish from the starsending event SEVERAL times. i know. IT HURTS where trey implies he thinks cater isn't being fully open and honest with him. I KNOW. and the bit in cater's halloween card story (i'm pretty sure it was cater's anyway) where he thinks to himself that lilia has no idea what kind of helplessness he's feeling bc lilia has his diasomnia long term friends and cater's had to move around so much so he's never had that, and it kinda seemed implied that his old friends dont really keep in touch til hes relevant on magicam for the stuff going on in school . i get it! HOWEVER. i think it's again a more complex situation. i think, personally, cater as he's said few times in canon - he likes to live in the moment and make memories! but i don't think those good memories are fake. i think you can enjoy people's company and love them a whole lot and still keep them at a bit of a distance. i think cater does mask some of his more serious feelings, as trey implied he suspected. i think cater probably does get tired of being the mediator. i think being the third in command at heartslabyul is exhausting and cater's a teen boy with a lot of complicated feelings, but i think he has fun with lilia and kalim in pop music club. i think he and trey are genuine friends - they roomed together for 2 years! i think he loves teasing his little freshmen buddies like a big brother lol. i'm about to go on about riddle and cater in the next question but fkljsdfjlkse.

yes cater holds back, but i dont think that means he's never expressed genuine feelings either!!!

8- common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

i am biting anyone that tries to imply cater and riddle arent friends or that trey prefers riddle over cater!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LISTEN listen listen. ok i get that it can be an interesting concept to explore of the potential tension between cater riddle and trey w/like childhood friends trey and riddle but then bestie 3rd years trey and cater but then riddle shows up and takes control- i get it! i dont necessarily think it's wrong to explore that potential area.

however. HOWEVER. we are talking about MY options and thoughts and feelings on beloved heartslabyul LOL. And I think cater and riddle ARE FRIENDS!!!!!!! i think all three of them!!!! are!!!!! FRIENDS!!!!!!!! THEY GET ALONG THEY LOVE EACH OTHER!!!! some people portray riddle as being annoyed with cater or whatever and like , on one hand riddle is annoyed at many things and caycay's kind of a goofball so like yeah to a degree that's true LOL but!!!! BUT!!!!! riddle trusts cater. riddle likes cater!!! if you've read the heartslabyul card stories as many times as i have fjlksjkejs you would KNOW that riddle trusts cater enough to have him and trey at his side constantly and gives them BOTH roles of leading the underclassmen for stuff like preparing for the unbirthday parties!! and when he's having his little meltdowns in book 1, trey and cater were the ones he had kind of on the front lines of ejecting ace or whatever klsjfv they are his trusted boys!!! AND in halloween 2 when cater was missing, riddle said usually he'd get on cater's case for talking too much (lol) but he, along with trey and ace, were 😔😔😔 making the saddest of faces as he said it felt weird to NOT hear cater making his jokes to lighten the mood, and trey ALSO commented on how cater's usually there to smooth things over. cater is a mediator and a morale booster and he is recognized as such!!

plus!!! riddle made a point in his dorm outfit story of helping cater study, as he does with all the heartslabyul boys that are struggling, but in a way cater could understand. he literally made a magicam and used it exclusively to help cater focus better and learn in a way that worked for him. like yea he loses his temper, bc hes Like That, but he ALSO cares. he also tries! he's got his flaws but he's still in spite of those flaws doing what he can to try and understand the people around him and especially his TRUSTED FRIENDS LIKE CATER!!!!

and trey loves cater too!!! they are friends!!! yes yes whatever i read the cater gym story where trey goes "u and me are tight but riddle and i are tighter as his housewarden lol" listen to me. LISTEN TO ME. grabbing u all by the shoulders and shaking you so much LISTENNNNNNNNNNNN. again i get it that it can be fun to explore that further of like "ough he chooses riddle over cater cater is all alone" and like im not the fun police people can do what they want. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i do not think it was That Deep. like maybe it was, maybe a little bit. but i did not read that as "trey doesnt care about cater" or anything like that. i very much see trey and cater's bond as like easygoing well oiled machine but also with a lot of banter and teasing. trey has said on a home screen line (i wanna say it's his ceremony robes card) that he and cater's friendship just kinda naturally fell into place bc cater's really easy to get along with and trey feels like he can be himself around him [which yes coupled with the line he says in starsending about how he feels like maybe cater's got more personal wishes that maybe he doesnt feel like he can share with Trey Specifically is. painful. LOL] and actually!!! in both their ceremony robes stories they are together and trey is teasing cater i think lol. like in cater's they're doing the guessing game of which dorm each student would get sorted into. theyre playing a game!!! cater's being silly sometimes and treys kinda shaking his head at him for some of his comments, but theyre getting along and are comfortable and it's a lighthearted thing. then in trey's story, theyre panicking about how the roses arent painted how they should be, trey says caters gotta split card and go for it and is like "lol thanks for ur sacrifice ♥", caters like THATS EXHAUSTINGGGGGG and treys like "yea yea ill listen to you complain all you want later". and trey smiles to himself at caters magicam post right after! it's endearing. panic together, solutions together, complaining and teasing but ultimately they work well together! they are friends who get along! trey is kind of a goofy guy but it's not as apparent, but i think we see it a little more especially within heartslabyul and especially with cater. maybe thats part of what he means by feeling like he can be more relaxed and stuff around cay. god theres so much of cater and trey being absolute besties - even grim and lilia have separate lines commenting on how theyre like bffs. grim mentions it in the scalding sands event, something about how it's no surprise that cater invited trey to come on the trip. and lilia in book 5 straight up says [in the engtwst translation] "I'm surprised you didn't invite your partner, Trey." and then i mean yea cater immediately is like "wahhh i DID but hes busy helping riddle he rejected meeee we are rejected buddiessss" and later is like "wahhh riddle stole trey away~!!!" when theyre checking on everything lol. BUT i think a lot of that is like just caycay bein silly and trey not only had other obligations but also was likely not going to want to do a performance thing anyway [trey even says later like 'i told you im bad at song and dance lol'] fsjklejkf like i dont think it's that deep here, i think cay was just havin a goof complaining and wanting to hang with his buddies lol. but my point was lilia basically being like "hey man where is your other half that you are constantly with" BECAUSE THEY ARE FRIENDS!!!

ok. ive. been typing for like an hour or so JKLjfldjsf I AM SO SORRY I LOVE TALKING ABOUT CHARACTERS SO MUCH I CANNOT BE BRIEF ABOUT THESE STUPID PIXEL BOYS!!! THEY MEAN EVERYTHING TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!! thank u for enabling me 😌

[VIOLENCE QUESTIONS] [if this essay wasnt enough LOL]

#asks #terristre #sorry terr you are in fact the one trapped in here with ME actually #like five times i started typing 'well i THINK it went this way-'#and then just pulled up the game on my phone to fact check bc i knew where all these parts were jklsfjlsj #i was only wrong on one thing - i initially had cay and trey's robe stories swapped #i had the content right i just forgot which story was with whose card #okokok im done now GIRL HELP #if im known for anything on tumblr dot com i would have to guess it is being insufferable about Characters #especially twst characters. especially heartslabyul characters. hhehfehfhhhbhfdhbfhh I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT THEM

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wanderrlust0 · 1 year ago

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2/2

it ties into the female attention & peaking his interest even if its by the slightest. idk, like i said, this happened almost 3yrs ago when we were in a tough spot unfortunately and ive put it all behind me and weve been moving forward. i know how he feels about me & we would hate to ever lose each other. its just after hearing about this new news to me, i feel like it triggered my brain into thinking about how he can maybe feel things easily towards people. also, hes already apologized to me about the stuff in the past so i dont really feel any more of the frustrations that i felt bc at first he was not seeing my side of things and i was feeling so annoyed by that. luckily, thats all over now. i still get a little attentive when it comes to his classmates & any other girl i hear about bc then i start thinking, well is she pretty, does she like him, does he like her, how much do they talk, etc. which is just a normal girl thing..i think lol. im not totally insecure but it is easy to feel some type of way. so, i think i expressed everything i wanted to. i replied to the other guys msg and i honestly feel kinda bad for him but i hope they can work things out..

edit 7/29: not to add More things to this but.. i hung out with him today & i could tell that he felt terrible about himself for that happening & he felt like i was letting him off too easy. like, just not getting mad or lashing out i guess. im too shy to do that to him tho but i did say how i did think about it a lot & that you two were honestly stupid for doing that. also, how i did feel bad for her husband. i didnt say much more than that but if i did i just wouldve said like, you two knew it would ruin the friendship. even tho it didnt right away, look at it now. just bc you two couldnt put your sexual thoughts aside. but you know what, it just goes to show that it was always ever so slightly present since the beginning of the friendship. they both have had thoughts of fucking already & they finally caved. so he was given the chance to sleep with her & he took it bc 1, it benefited him and 2, hes been secretly wanting to do that. IM STILL NOT OVER THE WHOLE BREAK THING (kinda am) BUT I CANT DWELL ON IT. i just asgdjflk. like broT-T ..made me believe that we were just not gonna talk as much, yet still be friends. it was both of our first time trying out a break. he made me believe that wed be back together once things chilled out & we could hang out normally since it was covid year (honestly was torture & i was in one of my lowest moments). He made me be under the impression that he just needed some spaceeee. I didnt think it was to the point where he felt like he was single, ready to mingle!!! like dude didnt even wait that long to find a whatever rebound, then had the guts to cry to me about stuff i didnt understand at the time but then later found out it was over some other girl!!T-T posting a fricken poem on his story & telling me a lie. turning off his location. taking longer & longer to reply, then not replying for almost a day. But yeah sure, telling me we’d still talk during this time, just not as romantic. sending me snaps of his dealer writing a little “cute” ass note w a heart on it. whyy would your dealer even do that. like she obviouslyyy wouldnt do that for just anyone. posting on your story about something that had to do w him being available & wanting to date. until finally he starts talking to me like he used to bc oh yeah, he wants me back. meanwhile, i havent even thought of myself being single or looking to find a new romantic partner. idk, that all messed w my head soo much. AAND that stupid poem was hung up on his wall for literallyyy monthsD; i couldnt even loook at that wall while we were being intimate bc it turned me off so much & didnt have the guts to mention it. he finally replaced it w something i gave him & when i saw it i was like about time & i showed it to my friend. i got sidetracked but that was important to let out. back to his friend..me knowing that hes been cheated on & how much it has affected him, i would think that he wouldnt enable someone else to do it to their partner the way his ex did it to him?! that was another thing i wouldve told him. i guess i just didnt feel like hurting him more than he already felt about himself.. but to wrap it up, i think were done with it. he kept complimenting me all day. he feels like he should unfollow her off everything now. they honestly havent really talked in a long time & they havent been close like they used to be so its not like they talk. he just doesnt wanna be involved with her & her hubby at all after this. he said i should unfollow also. tbh, i sort of dont want to? is that weird.. i feel like i should be hating her more but i also dont feel enough hate to remove her from ig. idk..he also might ask her how her husband found out. idk its like a sticky situation bc i wouldnt describe my feelings as hurt towards everything. i felt shocked, but not completely surprised. i felt old feelings that i felt when i first found out he hooked up w people during our break & now there was more to uncover. i felt like my suspicions were proven.

#journal #mypost #continued in the comments

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storiesofsvu · 2 years ago

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Hey hey, another Thursday!

Starting off with OC, ive seen the promo pics and tbh, im excited.

Jet looking amazing in green.

That was the WOOORST job putting a necklace on EVER. Like, not only was it over the hair, but it was not properly lined up for the reveal…

Just casually walking around the streets of nyc with a severed hand.. nbd

Are you seriously telling me that dog devoured that hand in that little time, bones and all?

How and why is it that these hardened career criminals always fall so fucking hard and fast for the UC cop!?? Like, you should have your guard up a little bit shouldn’t you??

Okay, so…. Can we talk about ayanna’s nails for a hot second? She clearly a pillow princess with those claws… LOL

THANK YOU JET. THANK YOU for fucking calling out that stabler has done SO much worse than KISS someone while UC.

Man this whole sending an agent cop into the field UC to be the romantic interest of a perp/mob/mafia and the cop ends up crossing a line or two, fucking things up and falling for said perp… all while the guy playing Doyle is the main mob boss?? Hmm… this is a little too familiar, like even jet’s wig…

Is she faking this?? Okay, yes, she is. Called that.

This ep is super Ayanna jet heavy and im LOVING it thank fucking god

Also loving ayanna’s apt

Okay the wig coming off would not be that big of a deal in today’s day and age, tons of girls wear wigs all the fucking time. ALSO, why was it not wigcapped, pinned down and secured??

Welp. Cant say im not surprised by the ending. But I am glad that jet’s getting to do more.

As of right now I am paying ZERO attention to mothership. We’ll see if that changes when sam pops up or not.

Okay, the black & tan number Samantha has on close to the end? It looks like it’s a two piece outfit with her midriff hanging out… good job wardrobe…

Ooo..od’d… yeah… called that…, also Nolan that was some of the worst cpr compressions ive ever seen on tv.. cmon

OKAY. Paying attention now!

We REALLY had to watch that machete attack again!?? WHY

Jfc that opening…did we have to go that graphic?? Is this gonna continue to be a new thing?

I cant figure out if they’re trying to test out muncy/Velasco with the fandom and see what way we go, or of they’re teasing the relationship, or if they’re just playing on the brother/sister vibes, because all im getting is muncy being a brat, which is accurate. Also that scene would’ve been a lot less awkward if there was any kind of background noises/music, like when there’s elevator dings on grey’s, you know what im saying?

Loving the purple on Velasco tho

“you wanna keep a stray puppy?” “you got to keep one!” LOL

So bruno’s here to stay?

#1: wtf is this bucket hat.

#2: why is it pulled down so far over her eyes?

Bro those crutches are way too short for this dude

“A funk?” carisi then gives the “who’s this guy” look to liv. LOL.

Man the writing this ep is great.

I appreciate that we’re getting more into muncy’s personality aside from being a lil teasing brat, like, there’s gotta be a lot of grief in there, knowing that her mom died and im pretty sure it was when grace was young, so she’s probably been bottling shit up since then. Also still and always really hoping that they don’t push her & Velasco, let the brother sister bestie vibes win please.

Glad we’re getting lots of muncy this week

Bruno is growing on me….

“sometimes though it’s hard to make a u-turn” IS THAT THE ONLY FOLLOW UP WERE GONNA GET?! (I say that as someone who is 100000000% NOT an eo shipper, but I do think it’s strange that *that* happened last week and like, fin didn’t even ask how noah’s drive back to the city was kinda thing. Yeah, sure there was enough going on in both episodes, but like, there was literally ZERO follow up to everything. Jeeze.)

Joe looking hella cute in that toque

Man this just keeps getting worse…

Okay… hold up.. grace says “a great one” about Velasco being a liar and liv just flies right passed it AS IF THEY ALL DIDN’T FIRST MEET HIM WHEN HE WAS UC AND NONE OF THEM BELIEVED HIM. Like homeboy WAS working majorly UC for how long??

Though we DO know a tidbit about his previous gang involvement… so I honestly don’t know what direction theyre taking this… it’ll be interesting to see.

#law and order #law and order special victims unit #law and order organized crime #spoilers #law and order spoilers #svu #law and order svu #svu spoilers #law and order svu spoilers #weekly recap #live watching #live posting

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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years ago

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It really sucks bc I’ve had this sneaking suspicion since my early adolescence that I was molested by a preschool teacher. I have no actual memory but just a combination of UTIs + sadomasochistic behavior + nightmares + hypersexuality later made me suspect. But like. It could have been from everyone and their mom in my Balkan family constantly groping me :/ like it’s already blurry in my head this is just confusing me even more but at the same time I’m not sure I wanna know

thank u for sending this, i know its hard to even write this shit out sometimes. im sorry you went through any of this. yea, i went through a long period of not being sure what the hell happened if anything at all too. i still do at times. all the same symptoms + i also thought for a long time that maybe it was from all of,, the other stuff instead of anything else. its rly hard to try to make sense of it all, especially at those ages, and tbh yea, all those symptoms could v well just appear from the general family shit, especially depending on the severity of what was allowed and starting/ending when

... i think its fair to not want to know. i think its rly fair and normal to b either entirely opposed to knowing or just anxious and adverse sbt it. missing as well as blurry memories at those ages can v well be just normal, theres plenty of things ppl start to usually forget, but,, they can also be a sign of your brain trying to protect you from shit it deemed too hard/too much/too distressing to handle.. and that's,.. fair. thats a survival adaptation.

when you go knocking on the locked doors in your mind its often far from a pleasant time.. and tbh shit tends to get worse before it gets any better. On the other hand this is just. personal philosophy/conclusion; i think... the only .. way to Really truly deal things - the issues themselves not just the symptoms caused by the issues - is to face them. must go through the eye of the needle sort of thing. this is how ive dealt w recovering from bpd, ana&mia, and ptsd shit and generally got myself to b a lot more sane, after a period of time in which it drove me more insane. this is what psychedelics reinforced in me anyway.... i dont recommend going poking around in your brain too much if youre not in a remotely stable and safe environment,,, i did that, not the best time

poking around and trying to figure this sort of shit out can often turn into a whole spiral. be gentle with yourself, dont try to rush yourself into wanting answers, and take care of yourself. sometimes it is best to let your brain let you know about things when it deems the time is right, rather than trying to tear down every door

but,.. . something that my ex whose also been through some pretty severe shit said to me when i was falling down a "is this real?" hole: you kinda just.. you feel it. somewhere if youre being real serious with yourself, deep deep down inside you know if you know. we never really forget things. somewhere, they are ingrained in us, our bodies remember even if we dont.... and, tbh, the other thing is. people see it on you. like, recognition of the self through the other sort of thing. something that always got to me before i actually rly idk accepted a lot of things is how much i related to ppl who have also gone through that sort of stuff. could just b the family shit but also 🤷‍♀️ . even if it isnt i guess the question would be, what is the drive behind your suspicion. why there. why that teacher or why a teacher. why that time and place. does it remind you of something else or another time?. and on the flip side.. something else that ive learned is that. predators see it on you? they truly do. i remember when i was questioning shit id tell myself, well, both of these things cant be true right??? thats ridiculous, who has that sort of luck to not only deal with this weird af normalized family shit + other stuff?? i must just b exaggerating things.... except in reality, most predators can tell which victims are vulnerable and they can most often tell which kids have some sort of history of sexual trauma. once it happenes, its actually statistically more likely that it will happen again...... which really fucking sucks

idk, i hope any of this made sense i probably went on for too long but. im rly sorry again u went through any of this im v much sending u a virtual hug. i rly do get the frustration and confusion and... all of it. im sorry but also, thank you for sending me this bc its... both horrible and comforting at the same time to know someone else has felt this same mess. i hope youre going to find some consolation and peace and healing soon <3 <3

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help-is-on-the-way · 7 days ago

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Ive finally reread the Lemonade Mouth book and i have feelings. This may be long.

Ive watched the movie countless times since i was like 12, it has always been one of my favorite disney movies. I had their songs in my mp3 and at school i liked carrying my house keys around so i could pretend i was Wen in Turn Up The Music. Anyway. Ive always known it was a story adapted from a book. I remember buying it when i was like 16 after watching the movie for the bajillionth time. I never finished it. I remember the different POVs threw me off a bit and the language didnt make it any easier (english isnt my first language and the book has never been translated). My bookmarker said i made it to page 152. But i honestly did Not remember at all like 90% of the changes. So im like pretty sure i read it without Actually reading.

Anyway. Now im 24 and i rewatched the movie 3 nights in a row this week. And im way more well versed in english nowadays. So i decided to give the book another shot. Now, like i said, i have feelings. I read the whole thing in 2 nights. Im not sure what im doing right now and im sure im overexplaining things, as i usually do. But well. I think i wanna say some stuff.

First of all, after reading the book i can confidently say the movie is a pretty amazing adaptation. Ive always known that, but like, now i have undisputable proof. The way they made the story flow in just under 2 hours always baffled me. They got like 7 character stories going on and it never feels too much. And the changes from the book are mostly all understandable, and some of them i even like way better in the movie in my opinion. I mean. Except their appearances changes. I love Bridget Mendler as much as the next guy, but .. Fat Olivia wouldve been so cool to see. Especially considering the movie/book themes.

I remember whenever i rewatched the movie as a 18 year old and onwards, i always thought something along the lines of. Wow. For a movie all about revolution, and being a freak, and not conforming to the social mold, and being a minority - the lack of queer related stuff is so Loud. I guess it always disappointed me. Not that we are freaks, but well. Im sure we all felt it a some point. I remember being angry about it, then. But i get it. Of course i always did, in a way. It was 2011 and it was disney. And im not stupid either. Stella is a glaringly obvious lgbt subtext allegory - maybe its the Hayley Kyoko in her, but they all knew what they were doing, i think. I can see that. Its subtext. I just cant help it but feel a bit disappointed that it isnt text too. Dont get me wrong. Stella's character in the book manages to be even more marvellous than in the movie (an impressive feat). I was in shock that she was written explicitly and diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD. Being a different but similar kind of neurodivergent myself, that was really cool and genuinely surprised me, as ive always related to the feeling dumb sentiments she has. But, you know. Still kinda made me sad. You could make the argument that she didnt need a romantic arc or whatever, cause she was going through a lot, blablabla. And, yeah. I agree with you. She was going through a lot. Thats kinda the point though. All five of them were. Its the whole point of their characters. Theyre all going through their stuff and they got school problems on top of it. Im not saying she needed a girlfriend of anything. She didnt, and her character is one of the most fleshed out ones.

Which then brings me to my next point. Honestly. I feel like the book had a lot more romance going on than the movie. In parts it was really sweet, and in others kind of annoying. The movie always made it very clear that Mo and Charlie wouldnt be a thing, and i come from that reality and mentality. So imagine my surprise when they are actually a thing by the end of the book. Idk. Ive always disliked Scott, and hated that he got in the band and played with them at the Madison Square Garden by the end. He never felt like one of the band, he never felt like a lemonade mouth. I dont think he ever really understood their struggles as freaks. At least not in my eyes. So he always felt a bit undeserving of his spot. He's there because of Mo, for Mo and Mo only. He's even more of an asshole in the book, so im glad hes not really brought up again after he tries to apologize and Mo says she isnt interested. I really like that this is what happens in the book. I might be too much of a Scott hater, but, yeah. I do like it. I dont think Mo shouldve gotten with Scott in the movie either. But i also dont think she shouldve gotten with Charlie, is the point. Sure, Charlie's character in the book actually puts in the effort to get to know Mo, he is sweet, he makes her feel listened to, and he tries to learn about her heritage and culture. He does not feel like hes in love with the idea of Mo (aside the first few POVs of him) (he quickly grows from that when they become proper friends). He loves her for her. And thats something i dont feel like it happens with movie-Charlie.

In fact, i feel like movie-Charlie is the most not-book character of them all. Hes got the most background change, and most of the time he isnt seem doing much (most of his scenes were passed on to Wen - going with Stella to ask about the lemonade machine, being the one that's approached by Lyle when he sells the Lemonade Mouth Live at the Bash CDs). When theyre deciding if they should become a band or not at the pizzaria, his coin flip in the book matters because thats heavily tied to his way of seeing the world and the universe. Tied to his belief that hes the wrong brother to have survived, so Aaron (heads) also deserves a chance to choose his actions for him, just as much as Charlie himself (tails) does. And thats explored time and time again over the pages. Its incredibly interesting and original. When they get rid of his dead twin brother, and build up a living-in-the-shadow-of-a-perfect-older-brother backstory for him, the coin flip just seems like hes an undecisive guy, who doesnt have a good reason to say No, but also not to say Yes either. And while thats fine, i guess... it just doesnt hold the same value narratively speaking. It just feels more shallow, like hes simply a more laid back guy. I do like movie-Charlie, but book-Charlie is way more interesting. His book appearance is more fitting too. Hes described as a regular chubby guy with unruly hair. I like that.

Anyway, back to the romance thing. Its fine i guess. Im mostly against Mo x Charlie in the book because it just kinda feels weird after watching the movie for 12 years. I liked the "friendzone" arc. Its nice when a boy and a girl can just be friends in media, no ulterior motives behind it (though that doesnt really happen either) (we see that more with Stella and the boys). Also because idk im not a huge fan of how Mo eventually came around and confessed to Charlie in the book. I know that theyre 14 but Charlie was still hurt by what she had said, and though she did apologize and admited that she screwed up, i feel like i wouldve liked it more if she explained to him what was going on through her head better. Like if she had explained to him what she had explained to the reader, it kinda wouldve made it a lot better for me. Cause Charlie said multiple times that he was confused by the whole thing, and hurt, but still they kissed twice. And that was it, they were dating now. But then again, if they were able to express themselves that well, they wouldnt be 14 year olds.

And then on the other side of the romantic things going on theres Wen and Olivia. Ive always liked them as a couple since i was a kid. And their moments in the book were pretty fucking good. I love the subtle ways in which Wen slowly begins to pay more attention to her, and notice how his feelings toward her change, even though he doesnt really understand what they are. I lost my mind when in the beginning he described her eyes as a simple brown, but the next time it happens he sees that it has hints of yellow as well. And their fight scene ?!?!??!! Bro !!! The peak-ism of it all..... the way Wen crosses the street without Olivia, and theyre shouting while on different sidewalks, with cars going between them, a clear and visual indication of this rift they suddenly found themselves in. Its so good. Hurts so well. And it gives more of a reason for Olivia to lose her voice as well, cause she had to yell over the noise and stuff. While in the movie she lost her voice over yelling two sentences while they were 2 meters away from each other, which always striked me as odd.

Speaking of which i feel like i have so much to say about Olivia, and at the same time so little. I honestly dont know which i prefer better, movie-Olivia or book-Olivia. From a poetic and creative standpoint, i really like that Olivia's POV throughout the book is told solely through her letters to her dad (+ naomi at the end). Its very charming. But at the same time it also kinda feels like it hurts her characterization a bit in places. She tells stuff through a letter format to her dad, so at times it feels like she is withholding stuff while at the same time saying Much More than a 14 year old would say to their dad. And, granted, that does say a lot about her as a character, but you know. The point of different POVs is to explore the characters more. But because shes stuck telling the events to her dad, if feels like shes only allowed to be his daughter - and it also feels forced at times when she tells stuff to him that i know just needs to be said for plot reasons. Which is a bit sad. I have the feeling that it is intentional, but idk. I feel like after 336 pages i still barely know her. We mostly get to know about her through other people - we basically only see Olivia-daughter and Olivia-quiet friend. I wanna see Olivia, dammit!!! It kinda sucks cause i love her. Shes the main singer, for goodness' sake !!!! And in the book nobody else sings besides her too.

This paragraph from one of Mo's POV kinda sums it all. Im stuck in a fence trying to understand if thats a good thing or not, when shes still a mystery even to the reader, only a 100 pages away from the end of the book. I want to know whats going on in her head so badly.

This kinda brings me to another point, slightly connected to the romance thing. The girls barely interact with each other. Of course we know they all become friends, and by the time the Halloween Bash is over and Nancy dies, Wen is already describing them all as a family in his POV. So we know they are all closer than they were. From this point on they always describe themselves as friends, when before there was always an uncertainty over their relationship. But like, getting to my original point. The girls' interaction is scarce. Mo and Stella have the fight scene in the beginning, when the band first tried to make things work and they butted heads. And then they get a descriptive scene of the two of them having fun while reading a magazine and coloring the pictures with a pen. After that, all of Mo's scenes are with Charlie, Naomi, or the other 4 as a band. At the end Wen mentions that Mo gives him the "shovel talk" so he doesnt hurt Olivia. But we never get to see Mo and Olivia properly interacting one on one. I guess its fine narratively speaking, but like. I wanna see, you know. Olivia's scenes are even worse, theyre all either with Wen or the whole band. Olivia has more scenes with Sydney than with the other girls in her band. And its not just the girls, Wen and Charlie also never interact with each other. I feel like the focus in romance is greatly to blame for this. The movie lacks on this too, dont get me wrong. But its easier to convey their closeness with each other when there's a visual representation of them happening in front of my eyes and i can See them all interacting between them without dialogue. Like Wen and Charlie singing the jingle of Rising Star together when they were in detention, or later on the two of them walking around school. Or Mo hugging Olivia and standing close to her after Nancy died and More Than a Band happens. The whole More Than a Band scene actually, cause it kinda becomes a "silent" montage of them having fun together. Or having Wen with Stella when she realizes the actions of her consequences and suddenly the whole school knows shes the one responsible for cutting Mudslide Crush's set for the Bash in half. You know what i mean ?? As a big fan of found family i just kinda wish there was more of the rest of the relationships between the 5 of them. And in the book thats especially jarring. Which kinda goes back into the thing i said about Olivia's POV.

She wont write about these details to her dad. The only time she wrote in detail about a conversation was when she fought with Wen. So we're kinda missing out on a POV that Could help bridge the band together in a way for the reader to see more clearly. Cause its obvious they love each other and theyre family, but we dont get to see much How exactly that happens. The cloud watching scene is like the main bonding moment in between the group and practically the only one we get to participate in. And it's not from Olivia's POV, it never is. Her cat died and we're told what happens through Wen's eyes. She has a "nervous attack" before the Halloween Bash to the point of puking and we're told what happens through Random Girl #6 That Just So Happens to Be Hiding at The Next Stall Over. She takes the band to see her dad in prison (a pretty big deal to everyone envolved) and, again, we're told through Wen's eyes.

In the movie, Olivia's mom died when she was really young (young enough to not remember her face), and her dad "made bad decisions because of it". The way she talks about it makes it seem that immediately after her mom died, her father got into trouble with the law. So like her dad has been gone idk 12 years or something. She doesn't know him, doesn't know her mom. We're never told what exactly he did, and i kinda always got the impression that it was something bad, something that Olivia kinda resented him by, at least a little bit. I know she simply stated that she never wrote him back cause she didnt know what to say to him, cause he was basically a stranger to her. But you know. I feel thats enough to resent somebody, cause maybe she doesnt even know what he did either. If something like this happened in my family, i probably wouldnt know either. Not until i was like 22 and my aunt spilled the story while drunk during Christmas. Its not the type of thing you tell a child - it's the type of thing the child quietly accepts as just a part of their normal. So, at the end, she decides to give him a chance by writing a letter to him. I quite like that cause she was kinda doing the same thing she fought Wen for. He never gave Sydney a chance, and she had never given her father a chance either.

Book-Olivia, on the other hand. Her mother didn't die, she simply left. Olivia also does not remember her face. Her mom and dad had a teen pregnancy, the mom had drug problems and the dad already had minor criminal records. Mom left when she was 1. And her dad was a good father to her until she was 8. And she remembers that he was a good father. He had dreams of being an english teacher. And then he got fired from his taxi driving job, couldnt get another because of his past felonies, fell into old habits, and accidentally caused an old man to have a heart attack while attempting robbery. So he's in jail. And Olivia knows this stuff because she remembers. She was old enough to ask questions, to demand answers when her loving father suddenly wasn't coming home anymore. So she writes letters to him all the time, she keeps him updated on her life cause she knows he would like to be present, but can't. She also knows he made mistakes, and isnt looking for excuses for him. But he's a good father too.

Theyre similar backstories but also so different. Theres things i like about both. The Sydney-dad parallels in the movie are pretty good. The book's scene of the band visiting dad in prison is fantastic. I feel like the movie did a good job translating the book and adaptating Olivia's backstory. I quite like that the whole movie is Olivia's letter to her dad, telling him about her band. It's a pretty good way to tie her to her POVs from the book. I dont remember where i was going with this, honestly. I like Olivia.

Mo's story is also pretty good in both. I feel like the only significant difference between book-Mo and movie-Mo is that Naomi's whole character is gone. So is her family owned store and the obvious religious references amd practices, and Mo is seen doing less extracurriculars. So the illness she contracts before Rising Star in the movie feels less like a burn out and more like a really unfortunate coincidence. I understand why they cut Naomi out, but the fact that Mo had a pretty good friend before the band makes so much sense. She doesnt really struggle socially, its more that she has a family influenced plan for her future, and doesnt have time for other stuff.

#lemonade mouth #love this movie. now i also love this book :)#i accidentally posted this from my drafts but im not done writing #so this is incomplete #i know nobody is reading this but just in case !! i still got more stuff to say

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