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jezabatlovesbats · 8 days ago

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Last but not least, Day 29 of the MCSMtober challenge was Festival. I know I’m very, very late to the challenge at this point, but I’m also super early for a very festive occasion coming up in 2025.

This game wasn’t the first thing that my young autistic self would be hyperfixated on. And, even then, I snuck onto my adult relatives’ computers to read people’s fanfics on fanfiction.net, watched people’s tribute videos and weird stuff on YouTube, and looked at their fanart on DeviantArt while it was still a useable site. But if it weren’t for this game, I wouldn’t have a reason to be posting on any of these sites I’m on.

Before this game, I wasn’t yet on the path to becoming who I wanted to be, but my life began to change for the better once I learned of its existence.

The first two episodes of Minecraft: Story Mode came out in October of 2015, back when I was 10. If I remember correctly, my first exposure to it was episode 2, Assembly Required. I remember my brother showing me videos of the opening Nether scene (where Jesse is going with Olivia), and I thought Olivia’s name was Jessie. You can probably guess what would happen in the coming months- this game took over my life and dominated 2016 and 2017 for me.

I’m not really sure how because I wasn’t really that much of a Minecraft-y kid. I remember being more into stuff like Kirby, Super Mario, and Ever After High, along with some Monster High. I think I remember playing just a little bit of Minecraft PE, but that was it. I’m not sure how I ended up being so invested in the adventures of Jesse and co. to the point where I shipped Magnugaard like a supercarrier and made a winged fanchild for them named Skyla, but I did. Did MC:SM get me more interested in Minecraft itself? Probably.

I don’t really remember much from 2015-2016. What I do remember is that in December of 2015, I wanted to roleplay a Magnugaard wedding with my brother, and I built a little wedding pavilion in my cousin’s Minecraft world when we went to visit them for Christmas. I also thought up, quote-unquote, “Minecraft: Story Mode- Updated Edition,” which had Skyla in it. You had to go with Lukas to find her. Magnugaard was also canon, and there were three minisodes you could unlock after you finished the main game.

In 2016, I also got into My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and while I have a guilty pleasure for the Equestria Girls movies these days, I… did this weird thing where I swapped the MLP and MC:SM characters to play out the others’ stories. For instance, I swapped Axel with Pinkie Pie, and… Magnus with Scootaloo. Don’t ask me how I came up with that. I also spent a lot of time on this online app called Builder Buddies, where I harassed a private town and annoyingly tried to show them the, quote-unquote, “magic of friendship,” because I thought they needed it. Even when they told me to leave them be. Then, I deleted my profiles and made new ones constantly, and even lied to people that it wasn’t me, but my brother. The whole time, I also lied about having an older sister, because I used my MawMaw’s phone to play with a second profile. As you can see, I was a complete and utter piece of crap back then.

Back to Minecraft: Story Mode. I also made a bunch of sisters for my OC Skyla, one of whom would go on to become one of my main OCs, Lena. When episodes 7 and 8 came out, I became attached to another ship, Harpvor, and wanted to roleplay a wedding for them with my brother. I also liked to write little stories and make drawings about Jesse and all of her friends (including Em and Ivor) living together in a big house… and I also had the idea that Ivor would sleep in a Haunted Mansion-ish coffin. One specific story I wrote was Christmas-themed and followed Jesse and Lena venturing through the mall to get presents for all of Jesse’s friends. And, I wrote a lot of MC:SM-related stuff in my copy of Dork Diaries 3 1/2: How to Dork Your Diary, which is one of those interactive books that asks you to write in it. Here’s an example of that.

At one point, I sent a letter to Telltale Games asking them to include Skyla and another OC called Lily in the next game, but thankfully, they never got it. It’s not like they would accept suggestions from an 11-year-old fan who hand-wrote a letter and colored her drawings of the OCs in crayon. Especially right when they were about to shut down.

I wasn’t expecting Season 2 of MC:SM to come out. Before then, I had an idea for an eight-episode Minecraft: Story Mode 2 that made no sense at all. But at the time, I was hyped for the remake of Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga to come out, and I also couldn’t wait for each episode of MC:SM Season 2 to come out. Minecraft: Story Mode drove me into wanting to be a game developer, and so I took a computer class in 7th grade. I remember listening to the soundtrack before, during, and after I did my work in that class. That changed when Unikitty came along and made me realize I was more into cartoons, but still.

As I said, Minecraft: Story Mode was what made me realize that I wanted to officially start drawing fanart and write fanfiction more. I don’t think I would even be here writing all of this if it weren’t for me seeing @minecraftninjerkid’s MC:SM Rewritten fanfictions on Wattpad, and getting super invested in them. When I saw those, I realized that I wanted to have Wattpad, because I just had to tell them that I loved their work and connect with other people who liked the stuff I liked. Yep, Minecraft: Story Mode was my first official online fandom. This was what started it all.

MC:SM Season 2 was also a major inspiration for Broken and Frozen, my Unikitty fanfiction. If you look on my Unikitty OCs’ fake wiki pages on the @unikittybigbrightworldau blog, you can see that some of the characters were inspired by characters from the game.

Despite all its flaws, my heart and soul still goes out to everyone who worked on this amazing game. I loved it so, so much back then, and it still has a very special place in my heart now. It was so much fun exploring all of these interesting locations and meeting all of these characters. It was fun to see the possible outcomes of every choice. And even though people are prone to laughing at Reuben’s death, I still remember when it sent my brother into hysterics.

In early 2021, me and an old friend of mine decided to create a collaborative drawing to celebrate the game’s 5th anniversary.

The aforementioned friend never finished their part, and for personal reasons, we don’t talk to each other anymore. Below the Thank You, they were supposed to put the game’s logo. But my skills as an artist have definitely improved since then.

In my notes app, I wrote some other things about MC:SM to express my appreciation for it, based on a tag game that I saw in @minecraftninjerkid’s story, The Life and Times of Radki. No one had tagged me because I didn’t have Wattpad yet, but I did it anyway. I included them in my message when I posted this would-be collab to DeviantArt, and now, here they are again.

My favorite moment in MC:SM was when Jesse, Reuben and Olivia stepped out of the portal into Redstonia. The scenery and the music were so cool to me.

My moment of triumph was during episode 2 of Season 2, Giant Consequences. The strays were tough for me to beat for the longest time, but I could eventually do it.

I don’t really have a hardest choice because the choices in both seasons are all super easy for me. In my notes app, I wrote that my hardest choice was in Below the Bedrock, episode 4 of Season 2. It was hard for me to choose between bringing Radar with me or saving Fred’s people because I was nervous about what was going to happen in Above and Beyond, episode 5. Now, that choice is easy- I choose to save Binta and the rest of Fred’s folk.

My favorite characters? Ellegaard, Ivor, and Jack, as I’ve explained before.

My cutest ship is definitely Harpvor! I don’t ship Magnugaard as much as I used to, but they come in a pretty close second. In my notes, I also said that Radki was another cutest ship of mine. I remember really liking it.

I remember saying that Below the Bedrock was my favorite episode, and Season 2 was my favorite season.

I didn’t have any predictions for a possible Season 3 because I didn’t think there was ever going to be one. And from the looks of things, I was right. To quote my past self, “I’m thankful that those who keep the fire of the fandom alive gave me the guts to be writing this (and possibly care about me doing it).” I’ve heard about this Block by Block revival project that’s in the works, and I’m looking forward to seeing how it turns out!

And, why do I love MC:SM? Past me said that it was because of the artistic approval that I gave the game, and that’s still true now. I still love the character design, the scenery, the music, and the voice acting. But I think it’s also because I’m a huge sucker for things with tons of characters and vast worlds with lots of locations in them. I found the game’s adventures through these places so much fun, and it used them and the characters to weave together an exciting story. For me, at least. Either way, it fed my happy little heart. It’s been a part of it since I was in fifth grade, and now, I’m a college sophomore. How time flies!

I’d like to take some more time to say:

Jesse, thank you for letting us guide you on your journeys through your Overworld, the Nether, the End, the Far Lands, through other Overworlds, and the Underneath. There’s a good reason why you’ve become a legendary, world-renowned hero. I agree with you a million percent when you say that teamwork makes the dream work, and that your strength comes from your friends. We’re all stronger together! It’s also great that different variants of you exist so that anyone can see themself in you.

Olivia, thank you for your intelligence and your determination. I can totally relate to you worrying about what others think of you, and I believe that many other people can as well. I’m so happy that you’ve had a boost in your confidence, and I REALLY wish we could have gotten to see you more.

Axel, thank you for being such a loyal, caring, and supportive friend, and for such a generous guy, too. I didn’t forget when you went out of your way to make Reuben a cute little dragon costume, or when you handed out cookies to your friends to lift your spirits. You’re such a selfless person, and I wish we got to see you more, too.

Petra, thank you for your loyalty to your friends and for your capability and daring nature. I know how it feels to watch old friendships fade, so I can understand your resentment in Season 2. I also understand how it feels to be a nostalgic person. My old friend loves you so much, and I definitely see why. Whatever you decide to do, I’m wishing you well.

Lukas, thank you for your kindness and your smarts. It’s great how, right from the start, you tried to keep things cordial and fun amongst everyone. You were always so polite with others, but you weren’t a total pushover, either. I’d want to read your books, and I think it would have been cool if they’d released a real version of your journal for us to read.

Radar, thank you for your bravery and hard work. You really came into your own as an adventurer, and you always stood by Jesse and the New Order’s side. I even consider you to be a member of the Order. I would always choose to have you be Jesse’s co-leader, or the leader of Beacontown when they leave. I have every confidence in you.

Ivor, thank you for your knowledge, your flair for the dramatic, your quirks, and your silliness. You must have a lot of guilt on your shoulders from what you did, but I’m glad that you were willing to redeem yourself. I’m glad that you’re on good terms with Jesse and the gang, too. You were also absolutely hilarious at times! When it all comes down to it, you really do care. We miss your VA.

Reuben, thank you for being the kindest and most courageous pig we know. You were there with Jesse every step of the way during their journey to defeat the Witherstorm. You picked them up when they were down, and at the end of the day, you saved everyone. We really miss you, little guy.

I’m also thankful for all the good guys, bad guys, and other guys in the game for being their amazing selves, and for the many people who worked on the game for being so amazing, too. You all put your hearts into something that was such a big game changer for me. No pun intended.

Will I do a tribute video for the game’s actual anniversary once it rolls around next October? You know I will!

Minecraft: Story Mode helped me to craft my own story, as those two shorts with Petra and Jack said, in more ways than one. I would like to thank @stirpicus and every single one of the other writers, designers, directors, and artists who came together to work on this wonderful game. I would also like to give my thanks to the entire voice cast for using their talents for it, and to Antimo and Welles for their beautiful soundtrack. EVERY SINGLE person who was involved with MC:SM in one way or another has my deepest gratitude. Everything you did led to something truly great. And the universe said I love you.

I would also like to give a huge shoutout to all of my fellow Minecraft: Story Mode fans and enjoyers, past and present. You guys are great, and I’m so glad there are still people out there who love the game as much as I do! If you want to, you can reblog this post and talk about what MC:SM means to you, and why you love it. This prompt IS for a festival, so come on and join in the fun!

And, thanks so much to @bumpkin-bug for setting up the MCSMtober challenge! This concludes my submissions for it! It was such an honor to participate in it, even if it took me longer than expected! I plan to go as Yellow Clip Jesse next Halloween!

From the bottom of my heart, thank you all so much. I hope you’re all able to live your lives with as much happiness as possible. We’re all in this together.

Thank you, goodnight, and happy holidays! 💝

With all my love,

Jezabat 🦇

(Hailey W.)

#MCSM #Minecraft Story Mode #MC:SM #Minecraft: Story Mode #MCSMtober #my thoughts #important

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precuredaily · 9 months ago

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Precure Daily's Sixth Anniversary

On April 10, 2018, I posted the first review in the project that became Precure Daily. It wasn't actually on tumblr at that time, but on Facebook. The plan was to watch an episode every day and just post some thoughts, but it evolved into reviews and screenshots and that necessitated a whole blog, and here we are. That was six years ago today!

Six years. It's hard to believe. I honestly, truly didn't think I'd still be doing this. Whether I petered out before the end, or managed to get it all done in the 2-3 years I anticipated, I figured I'd have stopped by now. But somehow I haven't given up yet! I'm still watching, still writing, and still getting new fans to share with, and that makes it all worth it.

The past year was slow, I will readily acknowledge it. I only got about 7 reviews out in that time, including the one that just went up earlier today, but one of those was the Go Go movie. That was a whole undertaking, it took me nine months to get out. Granted, for about 6 of those 9 months it was just sitting there unchanged. I'd open it occasionally to poke at it but then not end up getting much done. Maybe it still wasn't the best it could have been but I'm proud of it nonetheless. It was a good review for a good movie. Also, I got to review the very first All Stars, even if it was a short film. Having recently wached the most recent All Stars brings that experience full circle and it's real nice.

One small hiccup is that, at the time of writing, I haven't yet gotten out the traditional Honoka birthday post. I just haven't had time to sit down and gather artwork for it. Hopefully that'll come out in the next day or two!

Outside of the blog, let's look at the wider world of the Precure series over the last year

I said last year that I hadn't finished Delicious Party, and that's still true. When it was on air, I was watching it with a friend and she was really into it; we are going to resume watching together to finally push through it.

HIrogaru Sky's second half was good, it lacked a little bit of the driving power of the first half and the villain plot never properly came together in my opionion. I still love the characters, I think they're my favorite cast in a good while.

I did not watch Otona Precure. Although I've watched Go Go before, I want to finish this current watchthrough for the blog before I jump into it. Maybe I'll even review it as I go, that remains to be seen. I've heard mixed things about it and I'm not very big on the idea that the girls just go back to teenagers when they transform, but I'll reserve judgment.

Wonderful Precure did not appeal to me when information started coming out, and I fell off it for a few weeks when the first couple eps didn't impress me, but I decided to keep going and it's thoroughly enjoyable. I don't think it's going to crack my top 10 but it should be a solid middle of the road series.

I watched the Delicious Party Precure movie and Precure All Stars F with friends in fairly close proximity, and wow do those movies exist on opposite ends of the spectrum. DeliPa's film was one of the weakest Precure movies I've seen, while All Star F was phenomenal. I need to rewatch it.

I did say last year that the blog would look different when I finish Go Go. That is still true. I should be able to wrap that up in a few months, then comes the next phase of things. Deets when it happens.

And also just because I can, here's some recommendations for shows outside of Precure you should watch that came out in the last year-ish:

Oshi no Ko

Frieren: Beyond Journey's End (featuring Wonderful Precure's Tanezaki Atsumi as a monotone elf)

SPY x FAMILY (featuring Wonderful Precure's Tanezaki Atsumi as a psychic toddler)

Ohsama Sentai King-Ohger

The Last of Us

And I think that's it for this year's update! Here's to another year of watching and writing about Precure! Thanks as always to my loyal friends and fans for making this project a success: @sailorzombiestar, @vertixscribe, PaintedOutlaw, @hanasaki-tsubomi, yugimon135 (can't tag you for some reason), and my newest fan @nono-bunny.

Here's all my previous sappy anniversary posts if you want to go back and read them.

First Anniversary

Second Aniversary

Third Anniversary

Fourth Anniversary

Fifth Anniversary

#PCD anniversary #PCD sixth anniversary #read this

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delicatebluebirdruins · 1 year ago

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lockwood & co. the screaming staircase and the whispering skull initial thoughts

TSS: some things have not aged all that well (some comments from and about George) still have no idea if i did read this book or not way back in 2013. wish Barnes was proud of them in the show for Combe Carey Hall as well

and i would have loved to see them deliver the scene when Lucy tells Lockwood what happened back home just they have the acting chops to make [436] me yell "I trust your Talent and your judgement, and i'm very proud to have you on my team. OK?" (also lmao about Lucy running from the conversation with Lockwood and then what Lucy fell on when the skull spoke) also "Lockwood laughed again. Really laughed, I mean. He'd thrown his head back, I could tell"

TWS: didn't make official end of book thoughts for this (idk why) but here is my notes through reading it properly. i did enjoy it though

page numbers are for my copy so it might be different under a read more as i got long

the time between books got me a wee bit confused (it's easily done the moment 7 months was mentioned any semblence of understanding went out the window then my brain caught up)

uh did we need explanations of things when there is a glossary at the back of the book (and another book before hand)

19 the wraith hunting being cut out of the show (it was referenced we just don't see it) is really understandable considering the special effects involved it was a lot of ghosts

116 they get told about the mirror being stolen makes it seem less powerful

127 quite like the debrief

153 i like this reveal died of fright

159 ish "Flo Bones annoyed me" that came through pretty clearly in the show (also side note both trollop and slapper pretty much means the same thing :/)

"slow dawn of cunning realisation" what'd she realise?

190 George put the skull in the oven (and we see those recordings on the thinking cloth in the show)

222 i really don't like the jabs towards Carvers death i know he is technically a bad guy but still but i do like the quote on 225 "death is fugitive even when you're watching for it, the actual instant somehow slips through your fingers. You don't get that sudden drop of the head you see in movies. Instead you simply sit there, waiting for something to happen, and all at once you realise you've missed it. time to move along now. nothing to see. nothing to see there, ever again."

232 don't like the jabs. but I do like the reference to Portland Mews

234 hello job offer from Kipps

240 I like them settling down to talk with the skull

252 "[lockwood] grinned; it was that warm smile that made everything seem simpler; ready to click perfectly into place."

257 bring the skull without telling Lucy seem's a bad idea

292 Ned Shaw is a jackass

296 I really like the rat ghost scene it is so creepy. would have liked to see it in the show but the thought of the budget would probably not have stretched that far.

314 teamwork. i love this "the opening of Mrs Barrett's tomb saw us all set personal high- jump records"

317 the first locky

326 giving the necklace is really short and not as emotionally charged but also compliments so I really can't give it to much grief

"Lucy you look delightful," he said "George, you'll have to do. Oh, here's something for you, Luce. Might go with that excellent dress." He took my hand and placed in it a necklace of pretty silver links, with a small diamond as a pendant. It was really very beautiful "what?" I stared at it. "where'd you get this?"

"Just something i had. i suggest you close your mouth when you wear it..."

329 I love the descriptions of the relic collumns

breaking into the library is a last minute choice which is kinda funny

341 golden blade has a name Gabriel, pickled lungs on display and the Orpheus Society sounds interesting this is going to be fun

351 Breaking into Winkman's was pre planned

356 taking turns going in first causes bickering

362 the auction guests are recognisable and so when Lockwood spots Gabriel he recognises them... kind of defeats the purpose of the black market right?

369 the plan is "controlled" explosions

375 "he's shot his way through," I said. "on the upside, that's one less bullet for us.".

"How i love youre optimism, Luce..."

lmao love it

381 "we jumped out together, hand in hand"

397 i love this "they didn't stay- there was just a short discussion, then they both went off together. They took the sack. I thought Cubbins seemed uneasy. He was unsure of what he was doing. At the last moment he ran back in and left you that note. I'd say he was still fighting against my master, but the other fellow isn't. He's long gone"

and "but Cubbins has the madness too. Did you not notice? A whispered chuckle. Perhaps you never look at him."

400 figuring the connection of the missing dagger

441 George pretending to be dead

446 freeing the ghosts from the bone glass is always a favourite no matter the form and of course Lockwood is here "Anthony Lockwood stood there. He was covered in grave- dust, and there was cobwebs on his collar and in his hair. His trousers were torn at the knees, his fingers bleeding. He'd looked smarter in his time, but I can't say he'd ever looked better to me"

465 still haven't figured out the goggles

468 I love the walk up to the door and of course this quote "it was the old Lockwood smile again; the landing grew much brighter"

(you know saddest people smile the brightest thing)

basically every other chapter of both books i had the thought of "I am so glad they combined this into two" and i still have no idea why

i did have fun sharing some bits with my sister (she might read them later)

i used a lot of tabs in these books (big one with seven colours i actually finished it when i was finishing the Whispering Skull)

now back to the show and i do have thoughts (one of which will make the fight after the graveyard scene more insane stay tuned)

#lockwood and co #lockwood & co #locklyle #george cubbins #lucy carlyle #anthony lockwood #don't clown on this post #quotes #ellie reads #i really want to make an edit of lockwood and co with lyrics from edge of great from jatp #books

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wiredaughter · 1 year ago

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♡∇♡∇♡

@tropetember #7: historical au

palaeolithic ish ☆ platonic relationship ☆ abe sapien & ofc ☆ making friends w the fish man ☆ hyena pet ☆ 825 words ☆ ao3

blue

Blue. So blue I thought he was dying of cold and water when I first saw him, floating along the coastline. I'd readied my blade to spare him the suffering - and maybe make an easy meal after leaving my last tribe two nights ago, when he lashed at me, faster than most dying men could. Most living too. Teeth like a beast's, claws short but rather sharp looking. Oh, how bare I felt then, with my brittle nails and my agreeable teeth.

But I'm still the best lancer I know, and so we tumbled through the wet sand, trying our damnest to kill each other for a good while before I remembered I wasn't necessarily trying to hurt him in the first place. Figured he wouldn't believe or understand me unless I gave him a good reason to. Like putting him down with my weight on his chest knife to his throat, but my knees slid off his skin like wet seaweed, and then it was him holding me down unarmed. I wasn't necessarily trying to hurt him, but called for Hyena. After weeks trying to learn to cohabit with the tribe, she was dubious to hunt like she naturally does, but tackled him off alright. Then I looked down at my legs to see what I'd slipped on, and I understood.

Azure. The liquid was viscose, not water at all. His blood. Not blood, like any I'd seen, but I thought he'd die without it all the same. I called Hyena off, and she put her tail off at me, but obeyed all the same. She's a crossbreed and that's probably the only reason she hasn't killed me. But I'm a crossbreed too, my mother said, so I guess that's why I don't kill her. The idea that he might be a one as well gave me just enough bravado to approach him, letting my spear and axe down, hands raised. He tried to raise on his elbows, before giving up and falling flat on his back. I tried wrapping him on my cloak, thinking I could go for a swim anyway, but he gripped my wrist, asking me to take him to the water. I looked at Hyena, wondering what she made of all this. She looked at me with her dark intelligent eyes, then turn around and digged into the warm sand for a cosy nap spot.

But I lead him to the water. He relaxed at that. The tribe I travelled with four full months ago told stories of animalhumans. Maybe he's a fishman. I took the chance to look for molluscs. Hyena dislikes the fruit which constitutes our remaining food, and I knew I'd have to bribe her to carry this man back to our cave. We both held our ends: at first confused by the shells, she seemed to like them enough once I broke them open.

The fishman was pale and exhausted by the time we made it back, which only made his disappearance by next morning more worrying. Even more unexplainably, he was back when Hyena and I returned from our hunt, cleaning a fish bigger than I'd ever seen. I started a fire, which seemed to amaze him even though he ate his own with bones and all, just like Hyena the deer we took down earlier that day. I offered the fox I'd shot, but he rejected it abjectly. Alright, fishman. After our meal I skinned and salted the fox, carefully taking out the teeth which I fashioned into pendants to thank him for the fish. He was touched, he didn't wear any before, and seeing him wear mine felt like drizzle on a sunny day.

He's travelled with us since, after he retrieved his possessions from a cave I tried to reach with him but couldn't, least I died of water and air. He's got a woven basket with dirt where he says we'll have berries soon, a few blades as long as my thigh, and a pot that shimmers in the moonlight. I have my spear, axe and slingshot and a flute shaped like a snake tongue. At night I play it sometimes and he sings in a voice like I've never heard before. Sometimes he just fills his pot with water and we watch the shapes move inside.

We stay on the ground, close enough to the water. He runs and climbs and swims just like us. Eats, more like Hyena than me, but it's close enough. Last sunset I scored him a moa egg, and he was so delighted he weaved me a hand cover of sorts. He was right about his basket, sort of. There's a blade of grass growing on it, and I don't know it'll give us berries, but Hyena is leading us towards a warmer land, and I'm a good shot and he showed me how to find better molluscs, so I think we'll be fine anyway.

#tropetember #abe sapien #historical au #come get your historical inaccuracies

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gracelaramusings · 10 months ago

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Day 7: Chefs and Kayaks in Sabang

A stay in Sabang seems off the beaten path. Our hotel was nearly deserted, with what appeared to be more staff than guests. A full building remained empty, with all the guests housed in the section of the hotel that was closer to the beach.

We started our day with a lovely buffet breakfast. The highlight? Cashews. Cashew butter, roasted cashews, fresh cashews, carmelized cashews. And up there as one of my favorite nuts, I was in cashew heaven. Cashews are one of the primary crops in the island of Palawan. Hesitant to be excited because of the bad name cashew growers have in California, my presumption is, here in the Philippines, that cashews are a traditional crop for a reason, so I heartily and guiltlessly consumed them in the hopes and with the expectation that they are grown in a way that is beneficial to the local population.

Our beachfront table overlooking the turquoise water and traditional fishing boats made the cashews that much more delicious.

Almost literally in the middle of nowhere, we decided to first walk the beach. The walk led us to the launch where the boats took the tourists to another boat for the underground river.

Since we needed to book our transport to our next destination, we entered the first tour agency we saw at the dock and inquired about methods of transport. We had hoped to take a boat from Sabang to Port Barton, and heard it was possible. The agency matriarch asked us to sit down, and inquired about what we were interested in. For whatever reason, I got a heavy-ish feeling from the establishment. We quickly came to understand that, while we might be able to find someone who was willing to take us, it would be both at a price, and at our own risk. We got quotes for the van and the “at your own risk” boat transport from the first agency, then proceeded with our walk to weigh our options and get a sense of the village. I joked with Yuval that the agency seemed a bit mafia-esque, and he seemed to agree.

There’s nothing like walking a beach for as far as it will take you. We saw a canoe maker carving a traditional boat from wood, children playing, roosters cockle-a-doing. Deep breaths, long strides, turquoise water.

Heading back, we entered another agency at the other end of the port. This one was filled with about five jovial women, who were most certainly were busy with something, but gave us all their attention when we entered. They made mention of International Women’s Day, and that this whole month is a celebration of women, and I instantly loved them. Nothing like your gut, and your gut is typically never wrong. We inquired about a boat to Port Barton there too, and they said it is forbidden, that the coastguard will not allow it, and it is not safe. We happily booked the van with them— the price they gave was cheaper than the other agency, and we made no effort to bargain. They swore up and down that we would get the prime front seat, laughing all the while, made note on the receipt, and we left the office, lighter, knowing that while the boat to Port Barton wouldn’t happen this time, a safe and secure van ride would.

Chef Adonis wrote us, apologizing, explaining that he got a reservation that night for a group, so he’d be unable to give me an actual lesson. He said, instead, I could watch and he’d give me a few tips. Perfect!

We headed back towards the hotel and took out a double kayak. We splashed through the surf and made it into the sea. Paddling around, we raced and circled around the empty traditional boats that were anchored all throughout. We’d set our sights on a far-away boat— “Around number 7!” and race there, resting periodically, enjoying the effort. We caught a wave and returned the kayak, and then enjoyed the pool a bit before showering and getting ready.

I headed out to join Chef Adonis in his kitchen.

I walked to the restaurant, excited, not quite knowing what to expect. I saw the workers and the children, and asked to see the Chef. They led me to his kitchen, where he warmly greeted me, and introduced me to his family. A true family affair. His wife Wilma, and his kids smiled at me, as they kept busy, intent on preparing and serving food. I felt like I had been given the opportunity to see the inside story of a chef in action. I was intent on absorbing every insight, tip and lesson that could be learned from close observation.

Taking prompts from him, I was able to learn a bit about him and his story, as he cut, chopped, boiled and seared. At one point he suggested we take a break and come back in a bit. I went back to the room, and returned with later. This time, you could feel the intensity of preparation— the group was to arrive any minute. The family members worked in full coordination. He even invited me to flip some chicken on a grill that was meant for a curry. Intimidated and cautious, I flipped the meat, and was assured that I was doing a great job.

His kitchen. Everything had its place. Scissors, a timer, and measuring spoons were tied with strings to.a ceiling rafter, so he always knew where they were. Brilliant! Coconut milk was measured out in prepared servings, the spices were all labeled at the top so they could easily be recognized. As I observed his kitchen, a felt a little twinge of pride that mine was not too distant from his set-up.

The Chef mentioned that his best dishes come from great recipes he has found. That also was a comfort to me, and left me with a sense of ease, that I could do my best to repeat his excellence, were I to also have great recipes. And I am blessed with having found many great recipes (especially Indian ones, thanks to @Anupy Singla!)

I did my best to be invisible so they could work and I could observe. Generous with spices during cooking and fresh herbs at the end, I deeply breathed in the energy and the smells, and then took leave, taking a table where the other patrons sat, and Yuval had just arrived.

The group- apparently some filmmakers making a documentary of sorts- seemed very satisfied with their dishes.

We ordered a few things and took in our last evening in Sabang. Not an oceanfront dinner, it was so much more.

Adonis came and joined us towards the end of our meal, bringing us some desserts he had made just for us. “May I join you?” he asked, and we abashedly offered him a seat, embarrassed that it hadn’t occurred us to do so before he asked. And there began our deep dive into theology, science, the art of cooking, politics and more. Heaven.

It might have been half an hour or even an hour, where we sat, shared, laughed, described and explored. Pure curiosity and interest, from both sides. From the Big Bang to creation, understanding varying levels of religiosity, ways of observing Sabbath and more, it was electrifying. Simply a pleasure.

As it started getting late, Yuval asked if we could have a picture together (the clearest demonstration of how much he enjoyed the experience, too!) Chef Adonis invited us into his kitchen to take a picture there. I was overjoyed, knowing that his kitchen was his sacred place, and honored that he let us capture it, together.

A snapshot with memories I will always hold dear.

0 notes

nathank77 · 7 months ago

Text

5/30/24

8:01 Edited/Slightly Added to

I made phone calls. I called Walmart obv. I'm waiting on their response.

I called my bank and PayPal and took care of something annoying but it's done.

I also called club 24 and planet fitness to understand what I'd be charged to walk in the door and other random important questions such as if I broke my arm and couldn't work out what would happen. Club 24 is vastly more expensive but it's open 24 hours a day every week. You use you card to walk through the door. It's like 150$ to walk in. Then like 12$-16$ a month bc they charge you by the week at a biweekly rate depending on your membership. Beyond that if you break an arm, you can freeze the account but you still get charged 2.99$ a month and if it rolls over past your annual fee you get charged the annual fee.

Planet fitness is like 59$ to walk in the door. It's better to join on the 16th so you get charged on their billing cycle that starts the 17th, the 10$ a month. Then you get charged an annual fee 2 months after signing up at 49$. If you break an arm they freeze your account, charge you nothing a month but if it rolls over the year you get charged the annual fee.

Planet fitness def wins but I wish club 24 did... I like the whole 24 hours everyday... cause of my circadian rhythm issues.. planet fitness is opened 24 hours Monday through Thursday. They technically are opened at 12 a.m on Friday but close at 9 p.m. Then they have standard-ish business hours from Saturday and Sunday until Ike 7 p.m.

I'm only planning on working out twice a week. If I'm bored I may do 3 days. Idk whats going on with Erin but if she can't see me anymore cause of her license issue. I may go Monday and Thursday. I'll coordinate with Mike to get one more appt a week.. I also could go Tuesday and Thursday.

I wish club 24 was better. It's a lot but you shouldn't have to pay if you break a bone a monthly cost.. I get why the annual would be charged but a monthly isn't acceptable if you can't work out bc of an injury, life happens.

So when I eventually join I'm going to planet fitness. It's like 110$ with annual fee/sign up not including monthly and I'll join on the 16th to avoid a prorate cost. It's too bad club 24 would have been awesome if I could go any day of the week after 1 a.m cause of my schedule.

I plan to go twice a week and run. I want to burn calories and also I want to work on my arms, chest, shoulders, sorta my back, eventually my abs. I'm only doing low weights, high reps. I'm going to use the machines mostly bc of form. Free weights you can really fuck your body up if your form isn't right.

I still got to schedule the mri but it's a lot of paperwork...

I got to shower and shave my head and face soon. It's taken a while to get all these phone calls done.

Also the place that does my cbd on my bank account said reoccurring payment... so I called about that bc I'm not locking myself into a subscription.. he is going to cancel it tomorrow if I have a subscription so I don't get charged. Not only do I want the ability to change my products but they have a lot of percentage off deals. Last month it was 20%, for 420. This month it's 20% off for spring lol like I'm not paying full price bc I have a subscription. I'm using promo codes yo. This shit is expensive.

I tried to call car wash places to ask if they do hand washes. I got a hold of like one but they don't do it. I'm just going to go with Espinosa. They def do hand washes. I went there before. They also clean the inside of the car.. for like 30$.. they don't do the greatest job and they are in New Britain or West Hartford. Idk which I'm going to but it's easier than calling 10 places locally and listening to stupid recordings and some places price interior detailing in the hundreds. I might do a shampoo on my seats and stuff. We will see what it costs. I plan to go Saturday.

I called about the teeth sealant they can't give me an estimate over the phone. I really want to get it done before the gym... I may join the gym in July unfortunately. I have my dentist appt on the 11th I think.... and if he doesn't cancel I'm getting that estimate and if it's affordable I'm putting my smile before my pecs tbh.

But yea I got a lot done. I got to fill out the mri paperwork, shave my face/head. Shower. Decide if I want to buy cbd today or wait until the 1st.

The car wash and grocery shopping on Saturday will not be fun. I mean bjs closes at like 7 p.m or something ridiculously early. So I'd have to go grocery shopping first cause I need a chicken and protien bars..

But yea once I get this car wash done I can schedule my macbook phone appt so then I can schedule my in-store appt.

I also ordered laundry Detergent from Walmart with my purchase last night to hit my 35$ free shipping. It's the only thing I'm worried about bc it isn't sealed. And bc of this whole Walmart debacle I'm like what if they poured bleach into it or something.

Maybe I'll return it and get one in store. Cause I mean I've been harassed and made to feel like a criminal and they know my name but I mean- who knows what employee packed my order. The rest of it is all sealed so I mean as long as the seal isn't damaged then I have nothing to worry about. I hate that I have to go to Walmart Saturday...

I'm still waiting for the status report on Kristen... I surely hope they take my case...

I'm prob not going to do anything about my glasses. Between the teeth sealant and the gym, and cbd, money is going to get really tight...

The Ray-Bans have been working. I haven't had enough TV time for hours to see if my eyes strain but I also read if you watch a lot of TV for hours eyes strain. So maybe it isn't worth it...

My tooth not having a brown stain surely isn't worth putting off for too long. I hope the stupid dentist doesn't cancel again. I have an appt at 4:30 p.m. Stop going home early!

I don't want my body to wait too long either, I deserve to hit my prime. I mean I am here but I can get even more sexy.

I won't get my b12 until Saturday so if the Tingly feeling and numbing is from that I guess I got to wait a little longer. I'm worried about sleep. I fall asleep but I'm suffering from all sorts of things now. I kinda feel like that makes xanax fake but idk.

I'm really worried about my testosterone and my next xanax script cause my Dr went mia. I'm just glad xanax is Monday for my renewal... but I hope she responds to my multiple attempts. I got to get my xanax on Wednesday...... so I wont renew until Monday. I mean maybe I should wait until Tuesday but she doesn't work Tuesdays....

So yea a lot of concerns and I'm trying to remedy them. Sleep, Kristen, testosterone/Xanax, Walmart are my biggest concerns.

I still don't know what to do about Erin tomorrow.... I got to decide.

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atiny-piratequeen · 2 years ago

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how do get people to talk about your stories with you? i've honestly been trying for years, but barely get any interactions from any one. i know i shouldn't be upset about it, but seeing you and other writers talk about their works just... idk kind of makes me want to give up writing. i'm sorry if this is like sad or weird, but i want to have more interactions with my followers but have no idea where to start...

This may sound weird. And im apologizing in advance.

But its luck. Its literally luck. Ive been writing for over 10 years. Ive been writing for kpop specifically since 2018 ish. Its really like playing the lottery.

Against the Tide is my absolute baby and its very similar to Ataraxia in regards to the fantastical setting and it definitely has more content ive produced than anything for Ataraxia and yet I've gotten more interactions with Beauty Leaves and Ataraxia in these past two months than im sure ive gotten for all of Against the Tide in the three+ ish years I've been writing it.

People will pick and choose what they interact with. There is no one set formula for it. Ive seen fluff series get 200+ notes in a few days and people happily interact with the author. Ive seen things similar get 5 notes and all of them are likes.

Even now, really if you look at it, for as much as I'm getting asks on say, Ataraxia as a verse, Beauty Leaves is still sitting at less than 100 notes im pretty sure and the like to reblog ratio is a joke (most of the reblogs are from me.)

The issue isnt with you or your writing. Its with people not sharing your works. Its with people consuming your works and then just dropping nothing but a like and leaving, if that. Thats what hurts us authors the most because we are not being seen. There are plenty of people out there who I'm sure would LOVE to interact with your works. Who may be curious for more or have little world building questions here and there. They'll never see it sometimes if no one shares it. We authors can only reblog our work but so many times but if our own followers wont help share it, who the hell is gonna see it?

Most of the people who regularly interact with my works at the end of the day are my friends. Gaia, Laz, Dior, Luna, Smalls, these are my friends who I've known for years. Met through writing. Fellow people who also may understand how fucking rough it gets for authors when it feels like your work isnt good enough when the person next to you is getting all these notes and interactions, yet you cant even get a single reblog for something you took who knows how long to share and create with the world.

My advice, if I can give any that help with the pain you're going through and I'm all too familiar with- (again. I have over 2k followers, and most of my interactions are from about 5-7 regulars and of that group literally 95% of us are mutuals. My tag list has over 40 people in it and again, i get reblogs from at best, 4-5 of them that are not me usually unless something REALLY pops off...then i may get like. 10ish. Who knows)

Two things.

One, be your own hype person. Our writing, our worlds, are ours. You work hard in your craft and whether or not people see it will not change the fact that you work hard. You're doing it. Stop to look at what you've done and remind yourself "yea. I fucking did that." And be proud because come hell or high water, its yours. Plus, if you have the time, posting things about what your writing (character blurbs, mood boards, story snippets, spoilers here and there, general world building nuggets) help pique interest. Its how i did it with Against The Tide (i literally never shut the fuck up about AtT and people began to notice and get curious) and literally most of Ataraxia's world building now is because again, i didnt shut the fuck up about something that started small and kept talking about things here and there and then people got curious and asked their questions and just like that, it helped me refine and shape what was originally fuzzy images and vague ideas. Sometimes being your own marketing manager helps wonders

Two, your writing is for you at the end of the day. 1k notes or no notes. You're writing for you. As long as its something your passionate about and something you put heart into, its always worth it. Even if other people dont seem to appreciate it. Join some nets, make some friends with fellow writers. Talk about it there. Honestly it works wonders to have other writer friends because some writers (im looking at myself) will deadass reblog shit they know their friend is working on in a heartbeat with or without having read it. The writing community tends to look after each other most of the time here so i would say if its something thats hurting and truly getting under your skin, tell the world more. Join and share with nets. Talk and hype your works up as much as possible.

Its always worth it when you work for it.

Im sorry i dont really have any foolproof method. I have a few of my own friends i feel envy for because of how consistently some of them get reblogs, get shares, get interactions. Its a bitch and a half and its honestly something I've been saying for years. Its not fair for content creators (artists, gif makers, writers) to give give give all of our worlds our crafts and our effort and then have to beg the people who are take take taking to do the bare minimum and interact with more than a passing like, if that.

Im sorry you're feeling disheartened, friend. If you feel comfortable, send your work to me sometime. I'll happily boost you up if you feel okay with it. Every writer has their own stories to share and I hope some day people will appreciate yours, too

Pace yourself and remember you're doing great regardless

#asks #anontiny #long asks #this breaks my heart #ive been saying shit like this for so long about ppl interacting goodness

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wistfulcynic · 2 years ago

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in December 2008 i moved permanently from the USA to the UK and promptly got an ear infection. It was intensely painful, like an ice pick through my skull. i took some OTC painkiller and lay in bed, moaning and miserable.

my (English) husband looked at me like i’d grown a third head.

“if it’s that bad why don’t you just go to the doctor?” he said.

“i--i can go to the doctor in this country!” was my reply.

at that time, it had probably been 5-6 years since i’d seen a doctor. Not since i stopped being on my dad’s insurance. Even when i’d had my own insurance (via my grad school institution as part of my teaching assistantship compensation, the same insurance as the professors had. Probably pretty good. Still too confusing and scary for me) i never felt like i had the spare cash to cover a copay, was always afraid that what i needed wouldn’t be covered by the insurance. i ignored an abscess in my mouth for weeks until it finally burst in a geyser of pus you definitely don’t want me to go into further detail about, because i was worried that would count as dental and i didn’t have dental coverage.

you get the picture. Health care in the US sucks hard.

when my ear was infected, my husband phoned his local GP surgery (with which i was not registered, i was an immigrant on a spouse visa, only arrived the previous week), got me an appointment later that day. They saw me, diagnosed me, gave me a prescription for antibiotics for which i paid (i think, at the time) roughly £7. Cleared up in a few days.

all i paid for was the prescription.

some years later my husband made me go to the doctor again. i was having random symptoms i wasn’t even sure were symptoms, a weird laundry list of stuff that could be connected or could be nothing. i went to the GP with this list, worried that they’d take one look at a heavyset woman and immediately go “lose weight fatty!” or “diabetes!” They did not. The doctor was a young-ish woman who listened carefully to everything i told her, looked at my list of symptoms, and said “we’ll test for other things, but I’m 99% sure this is a problem with your thyroid. i’m going to start you on some medicine while we wait for the test results.”

prescriptions were by then something in the neighbourhood of £8.

a few days later i got a call from the lab that had run my blood tests. They told me that my thyroid levels were through the roof, so high they were actively dangerous. Cardiac arrest was a likely outcome if it was left untreated. They advised me to get a prescription immediately, and were audibly relieved when i told them i already had one.

if i’d not been living in a country with free-at-the-point-of-service health care, i would not have seen a doctor. The NHS saved my life.

why am i going on about this? Well. It’s because NHS workers have planned a strike for later this month, and the press are already on the attack. Fearmongering about how this will throw the system into chaos, patients will go untreated, etc etc blah blah all with the very unsubtle spin of “blame the workers. Blame the strikers. They’re putting your lives in danger.”

zero mention of how dire the situation is in many hospitals. Not enough nurses (because Brexit among other reasons) and the ones we do have are overworked and underpaid. Too many patients not enough beds. Old buildings, old equipment.

none of which is a problem with the system. The system’s great. The system works. The problem is the predatory Tory government who would love nothing more than a privatised, US-style insurance-based healthcare system off of which they and their cronies can profit. The problem is how the government has been starving the NHS of funds for over a decade, under the guise of “austerity” and how we all need to muck in together. Except them, obviously. They’re different.

the problem is absolutely not the people striking because they, like nearly all of us in this country, are shamefully underpaid. Because they deserve compensation for their hard and dangerous work. Compensation they are not being given, despite their attempts at negotiation.

whenever collective action happens there are always people eager to blame the workers. Greedy nurses, refusing to treat us when we need them because they think their pay is more important. How dare they? They have a responsibility to do their jobs! i am urging all my UK mutuals and anyone who reads this not to be taken in by these spurious arguments or any spin doctoring from the news rags. Side with the workers! Side with the nurses. Side with the people who want the NHS well-funded and thriving. A robust national health service is a universal good. Ours is creaky and wobbling but that is from mistreatment, not because the principle is unsound. i promise you, however frustrating you find the NHS, an American-style system is far, far worse.

#national health service #britain #strikes #collective action #political #NHS #saira has Thoughts

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gaybananabread · 2 years ago

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for tickletober could u do 21 with lee Amity and ler Emira/Edric? and hope u have a wonderful day/night thanks :D

Sure! I've never written for Emira and Edric, so I'm sorry if they seem off. I saw that you had another request for the same thing, so I figured I knock em both out with this! Hope you enjoy!

☆☆☆

Lee: Amity

Lers: Edric, Emira

Summary: Amity won't get up, and the twins decide to have some fun at her expense.

Warnings: none! This is a tickle fic, so if you don't like that, scroll away!

It was getting closer to 10, and the twins still hadn't seen Amity. They were kinda worried. She tended to get up by, at the latest, 7:30. After ten minutes, they called it and went to check on her.

Looking into their sister's room, they can see a lump in a mountain of blankets. Clothes were tossed in the corner, books were out of place, and some abomination goo was splattered on the wall.

It was weirder than weird. She was normally so organized, and her room looked like this? They went to her bed, pulling off the layers of blankets. Amity had her little message thingy near her head. She was using a school book ad a pillow, the page turned to Boiling Isles History. It looked like she stayed up studying, her room becoming a war zone in the process.

"Man, looks like Mittens crammed last night." It was Saturday, but studying wasn't a bad idea. Definitely not to this extent though. "Let's get her up."

They tried shaking her, but were only met with a grunt. Flicking her forehead didn't work either. Edric sighed. "Welp, I'm outta ideas. Wanna try water ballons?" Emira shook her head. "Nah, we'd get killed. Needs to be nice-ish and not destroy stuff. Got anything better?"

They spent at least two minutes going through methods, but none of them would do. They would either tick her off or make a mess, and they'd rather not be on their mom's bad side.

"Ooh, what about a air horn?" She laughed. "Are you kidding? That would get everyone on us. We'd have to help with production for a month! What's worked before?" He thought back to when Amity was younger.

"Hey, remember that time she had her first final exam, and we had to tickle her awake?" Emira's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah! That'll definitely work! And she probably won't kill us!" They were practically yelling. Fortunately for them, their sister was back asleep, tuning them out.

The twins pulled back her covers again, the same groan coming from the lavender haired witch. Only this time, they didn't say anything. Right as she was about to open her eyes, she felt fingers scratching at her sides. Too groggy ti think straight, she let a stream of breathy giggles flow from her mouth.

"Ehehehehehe! Guhuhuhuys! Nohohohoho!" She slapped clumsily at their hands, only causing them to laugh with her. "Hehey Mittens! Welcome to the living!" She squealed. "Eeek! Shuhuhut it!"

They cooed. "Awwwe! You squeal when we tease you? That's adorable!" Much more awake now, Amity started to actually fight back. She scooted away, shoving at their hands. "Stohohop ihit, you jeherks!"

Bringing out his inner drama-kingness, Edric gasped, falling back a bit. "Jerks! Oh, the betrayal! I can feel my heart shattering!" Emira just hopped up on the bed, causing her sis to squeak and shuff back more. "Well, if we're jerks, we'd better start to act like 'em. Wouldn't wanna disappoint ya!"

She lunged forward, shoving her hands into the young witch's armpits. She yelped, then dissolved into high-pitched cackles. "NAHAHAHOHO!" EHEHEHE- EHEHEHMIHIRAHA!" She thrashed around, trying to escape the feeling of those torturous fingers against her pits. She only managed to get them wedged in tighter.

"Okay, Em. As cute as this is, we should stop. Don't wanna kill our baby sis!" She sighed. "Fiiiine. You're lucky Ed's making me go easy on you, Mittens." She slowed to a stop, trailing her fingers down Amity's sides one more time.

They both took a step back to admire there work. Amity had her tomato-face blush going, and occasional giggles peppered her breathing. She was definitely awake now, smiling and giddy. For one final touch, they both sucked in some air and shouted,

"Good morning sleepy head!"

#blight siblings #lee!amity #ler!edric #ler!emira #ler!blight twins #owl house #the owl house tickle #amity blight #edric blight #emira blight #tickle fic #tickle #sfw tickling community #augtickletober2022 #toh amity #toh edric #toh emira #21

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angry-geese · 3 years ago

Text

Nanami Kento x Reader

Warnings: sfw. pregnancy mention, death mention, minor injury mention. mild angst. jjk manga spoilers/shibuya arc spoilers

Summary: some pregnancy fluff with nanami

Word Count: 2.2k

jjk masterlist

Greys dot at his temples, and the sides of his beard. There's a permanent line between his eyebrows from scowling. Nanami always kept his face shaved in the past. Nowadays he hardly bothers shaving. You like it when he has a little bit of scruff, and he's often too tired to shave. His cheeks are far more gaunt. He lost a considerable amount of weight he never really gained back. You’ve been trying to get him to eat more. And it's working, but recovery isn't a short process. It was a long road that sometimes it feels like you take one step forward, only to take ten back.

He finds himself questioning if he'd rather wear a glass eye, or an eyepatch.

Nanami hardly sees the point in either. So the answer is neither. He rarely leaves his house, save for the rare times you drag him along to the grocery store, or down the street to the bakery. Even then, he wears his hat low on his head, keeping his eyes on the ground in a feeble attempt to make himself as small as possible.

Shibuya left scars on everyone who had the misfortune of being there, ones that never quite healed right. You were the same person; torn apart and put back together wrong. Age has not been kind to you, your wounds taking longer to heal, an ever-present ache in your bones. Past injuries have never quite healed, only laying dormant, waiting for the weather to sour so they can ache. He guesses he can consider himself lucky. He's alive. That's more than a lot of people can say.

But sometimes he thinks the real lucky ones were those who didn't survive.

Sometimes he thinks he's dead. In the twilight between sleep and his waking moments, he wonders if he actually made it. He wonders if he really survived, or if this is just some last ditch attempt by his brain to make sense of things.

He doesn't understand why you stay. He finds himself wondering why he bothers. Most days he doesn't see a point in continuing. But he doesn't want to leave you alone, reaching out to the empty space where he used to be.

For a long time he struggled to find purpose to all this. He wanted a reason, or at the very least answers. But he never would get them. It's unfair to say there’s an order to the universe. There's no reason why things happen the way they happen, they just do.

In the end he came to terms with it.

He remembers the glint in your eyes. A mischievous look- you were always trying to cause trouble. It's never really left. You were younger than him. Not by much. Two years. You were adamant he recommended you to become a grade one sorcerer. For months you pestered him, hounding him for that recommendation. As a Jujutsu High first-year, you looked up to him. When you got into trouble, you found yourself asking 'what would Nanami do?' And as time went on, you still did.

After months of pestering he eventually caved. You're nothing if not persistent. It was a little alarming at the time, and equally as irritating. But when you were finally a grade one sorcerer, he was there alongside you to celebrate.

At first glance, you two were far from compatible. The two of you couldn't be any more different. He was stoic and stern, and you were a known troublemaker. Your cursed technique worked well with his, and as a result, you went on many jobs together. As time went on you grew close.

And after years of working together, he finally realized he wanted more.

To everyone around you, your feelings were obvious. The two of you were hopeless. Between your stubbornness, and Nanami’s refusal to believe Gojo, neither of you wanted to be the first to confess. It was up to Gojo to help. Neither of you asked for his help, he took it upon himself. Little did he know, Nanami had a confession planned.

Nanami never got to have a proper confession. Gojo would spoil the surprise. Nanami was pissed, but your reaction was worth it. He doesn't think he’s ever seen you that happy.

Slowly things got better. Your more visible wounds healed and scarred. You went back to work. Nanami settled into domestic life better than he thought he would.

The transition wasn't the easiest. Settling down was far from an instantaneous change. He took on work around the house. For a short time you kept a ‘normal’ job. Even when you were younger, such work never suited you. Between the money you had saved up from your years as a sorcerer, and the money you got from odd jobs, you had enough to live comfortably. There was no need to work.

Slowly he started to look forward to getting up in the morning. Having a routine helped. It gave him a sense of normalcy.

He often finds himself unable to sleep. Nanami falls asleep late in the afternoon, and sleeps until either his phone, or a nightmare rouses him.

Today it's neither. He was a light sleeper before. Now even more-so. When he’s next to you, sleep comes to him easier. His arms find the swell of your belly, wrapping around it protectively. Your presence is a reminder that you’re still around, that you're not going anywhere. His shoulder aches. He finds sleep impossible. He’s too sore to move, but too sore to sleep. Even before everything, he found it easy to sleep on his couch, and hard to sleep in bed. You’d constantly pester him that sleeping on the couch wasn't good for his back. But that wouldn't stop you from staying there until you both inevitably fell asleep, and he carried you to bed.

It took you years to convince him to have one. He wanted to settle down and have children, but he couldn't be both a sorcerer and a parent. And neither could you. Shibuya only set things back. The world had to heal first. Things had to get better. The two of you had to heal before others could rely on you.

You weren't actively trying, but if it happened, it happened.

You've long since fallen asleep in the crook of his neck. He hardly left bed all day. Things were getting bad again. Sometimes months would go by where it seemed things were improving, only for them to take a nosedive. He’s still getting better, but recovery isn't a linear process. You didn't have anywhere to go that day, so you stayed right by his side. You took it upon yourself to make him feel better. Or at least bother him until he got out of bed. Much of your morning was spent watching movies on your phone, and stealing blankets from each other.

Retirement was nice. Granted, you retired rather young, but if the rest of your life was spent with him, you’d be content. He’s still the same man you fell in love with all those years ago. Aside from the occasional, safe-ish odd job, you were done with sorcery. Those days were past you.

He’s grown tired of staying still. Sometimes moving helps the aches. He never was the earliest riser before, but now he can hardly stay in bed past seven. Everything hurts. No matter when he goes to sleep, he’s usually up by 7:30, and you can count on him making coffee in the kitchen.

It's hardly past nine. The sun has completely set over the horizon. Stiffness has set into his limbs. He takes great care to not disturb your sleeping form, tucking the blankets back around you.

You nuzzle into the warm spot where he once was, a frown burned into your face. You never liked sleeping without him. Nightmares struck you frequently. Often you'd wake up from a dead sleep in a panic, calling out for him, convinced that this was some sick dream and he died years ago. He’d often wake up to you clinging to his arm, face buried in his shirt.

But he was always there.

You find it easier to fall asleep when it's light out. You don't like falling asleep in the dark. He makes sure to keep a light on in the hall. The power bill you could care less about. Nightmares came to you in the dark. Your logic is that, if there's no dark, you won't have them. To some extent it works.

It's a bit late for dinner, but he finds himself in the kitchen anyway. He wants udon, but the shop you normally go to would be closed at this hour. Their mushroom udon is the best. He’ll try to recreate it.

He sets some water on to boil, along with some frozen gyoza to thaw that you always insist on going to this one specific market in Tokyo for. Chicken and leek, with lots of ginger. Your favorite. You go through so much of the stuff that you have to get it in bulk, and freeze the extras. He thinks you’ll want tea too, so he sets the kettle on to boil.

He doesn't hear you walk in. Between the clanking of pots, and the whistling of the kettle, your soft footsteps go unheard. Nanami’s hearing was never quite the same. But he senses eyes on his back, and turns.

“I didn't mean to wake you, love.” He says.

“You didn't. I was having a hard time staying asleep anyway,” you say, “what’re you making?”

“Mushroom udon and gyoza,” he says, “it’s gonna be kind of a late dinner, but I thought it sounded good.”

“Smells good,” you say.

One of his hands finds your much smaller ones. Your fingers lace with his. His hands are warm, and calloused from years of using his weapon.

“Remind me to get more tea when I head into town tomorrow,” you say, “oh- and rice too. We were getting low the last time I checked. Do you want to go too?”

He nods. He makes a silent note to add those, along with laundry soap to the shopping list.

Before, he hated going into town. Strangers poked and prodded, and asked about his scars. It's gotten better as time goes on. If cravings struck you in the middle of the night, he would be up and ready to bring you something. Craving the mochi only sold by a specific shop in Tokyo? It doesn't matter if he had to take the train all the way to the city, he’d do it. Your arms wrap around his waist from behind. He’s a bit too tall for you to rest your head on his shoulder from behind. You have to stand on the tips of your toes to press a kiss to his cheek. He smells faintly of laundry soap, and shampoo. His stubble brushes against your lips. You always liked when he grew it out.

He pulls you so you stand in front of him, your back against his chest. His hands find the swell of your belly, wrapping around you protectively. Nanami plants a kiss on the top of your head. It's one of the few moments you feel truly normal. You’re no longer sorcerers, but a couple sharing a romantic moment, one building a life together.

He’s hardly allowed any distance between you two. Nanami acts like you’re made out of glass. He’s almost afraid to touch you. God forbid you try to lift something too heavy, or help out with the housework. He’s on you in an instant, trying to get you to rest. He’s a bit overbearing when it comes to things that aren't good for the baby. No alcohol, no caffeine, no overexerting yourself. You didn't miss alcohol all that much, but you really miss coffee. At times his presence can be suffocating. He means well, even if it gets on your nerves.

When the noodles are done, he gathers two bowls- part of a set given to you as a wedding gift. You only brought them out to use when your parents would visit. Much of the time they spent gathering dust. You always talked about using them more, but never got the opportunity to. He figures now is as good a time as ever. You set the table, setting out a few candles. He’d break out a bottle of sake if you could drink, but you just settle for tea.

"Retirement looks good on you," you say.

“It looks good on you too,” he says.

Conversation carries on while you eat. The topic falls onto mundane things that make his heart flutter only when you talk about them. You make plans to go shopping in the morning. You need groceries, and there’s a new shop opening up in town that you want to check out. When you’re done eating, you help him clean up. You clear the table while he gets the dishes.

He’s finally found his place. Not in jujutsu or human society. Not among sorcerers or regular people. His place is beside you.

And each day, he finds himself falling more hopelessly in love.

#jjk x reader #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #nanami fluff #nanami kento #fluff #jjk manga spoilers

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xiaongh · 4 years ago

Text

[ early gossip. ]

➤ pairing: levi x fem!reader

➤ cw’s: suggestive - mentions of make up and angry sex, eren doesn’t knock, cursing, reader is 5′7, levi get’s embarrassed, the scouts goofing around, hange teases levi and reader, crackfic (?).

➤ summary: connie and jean dared eren to walk into levi’s bedroom without knocking. what they saw shocked them all, and word got around about what happened.

➤ w. count: 2k+

➤ request by anon: hey bestie, can i request a crackfic for aot. basically the scouts are dared to enter levi's bedroom and they see his fem s/o cuddling him, but they were sleeping and they didn't know that levi was a little spoon. and they end up waking them up. the rest is up to you bestie !

➤ a/n: PLEASE THIS WAS A SHIT TON OF FUN TO WRITE. YOURE WELCOME BESTIE AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. <3 gif isn’t mine. takes place when historia is going to be the queen, so season three-ish.

“i’m not doing shit! captain levi will have my head! if you really want to see what it looks like in there go do it yourself, i’m staying put here,” eren was getting nervous at what jean and connie dared him to do.

like any group of teenagers, they stayed up all night, talked and played games. they had just started playing truth or dare when jean and connie both dared eren to walk into levi’s bedroom without knocking.

“what, you’re gonna be a pussy, jaeger?” jean teased. he knew that if he started calling eren a wimp for not wanting to do it, he would do it for sure. and the only reason he was pressuring him was because he himself wouldn’t do it either.

“guys, i don’t think that’s a good idea. what if he genuinely gets upset. he won’t let us live it down,” armin reasoned.

all of the scouts were sitting up late at night in the lunch room with a candle in the center of the table.

mikasa nodded her head in agreement, “and we also have to get up early for historia’s coronation tomorrow.”

“coronation for what?” asked sasha after getting a few snacks and opening the bags while putting them in the center of the table for everyone to grab their share.

“sasha, hange told us this today,” armin chuckled nervously, “but it’s so she can become the queen tomorrow- or today since i’m assuming it’s pretty early judging by the way the sun is coming up.”

“that makes this even better, jaeger. if you do it now, there’s a chance that captain levi won’t even know,” connie encouraged.

“don’t do it if you don’t want to, eren. it doesn’t make you a pussy like jean says,” since mikasa was seated next to eren she put a hand on his shoulder.

eren’s face flushed and he nodded and sighed, “i’ll do it.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

eren’s fist shook as it hovered over the door knob of his office. after he stayed there for a while, jean complained, “c’mon and do this! we’ve all been wanting to see what his bedroom looks like,” jean whispered. if he had actually talked aloud, it would echo off the walls and levi would for sure wake up.

eren looked back at him, “if it’s so easy, why don’t you do it?” eren whisper yelled back. mikasa stood in between them. sasha, connie, and armin were behind all of them -- preparing to run in case levi woke up.

“guys, calm down, eren, if you’re going to do this, do it now.’

eren took a deep breath and his hand twisted the door knob. the door creaked and they all cringed. when the door opened -- levi’s office was present to them. of course they had all seen it already and knew it was always clean, but they were surprised when they saw how messy it was. his report papers were on the floor, the desk was cleared off with everything on the floor. the couch he had in his office was messed up with all of the cushions on the floor.

“... what do you think happened?” jean asked all of them as they all walked into his office.

“there’s a slight chance that he got angry or something and went to go sleep it off. that probably explains why he didn’t clean it up,” armin said. after they scanned the room and its state, they all looked at the door in the far corner of the whole room.

jean came up from behind eren, “go on, do it,” eren was sweating as he took cautious steps towards the door.

they all followed behind in suspense. eren took a deep breath before putting his hand on the doorknob and twisting it quietly. this time the door didn’t creak. eren was the only one to walk in as the others stayed behind.

eren’s eyes squinted and his eyebrows furrowed after he saw a rather big figure in levi’s bed that was too big to be levi. they were fully covered with the bed sheets -- meaning that eren would have to go on the other side of the bed to see who that was.

eren’s footsteps were barely heard on the floor as he walked to the opposite side of the room and his eyes widened when he saw the face of commander y/n spooning a shirtless levi.

his panicked eyes looked back to the group who had their heads peeped out of the doorway. in a panic, he misplaced his foot and a very audible creaking noise went through the room. eren slowly looked back at the duo in the bed and sighed in relief when they hadn’t woken up.

eren tip toed back to the rest of them. they all looked at him expectantly, “so, what’d you find out?” asked connie. they all stared at him eagerly.

“uh- how do i word this?”

“spit it out.”

“captain levi is a ... little spoon, and they person spooning him is commander y/n,” their eyes were the size of saucers as they all rushed - quietly - into his bedroom and in fact saw that commander y/n was spooning captain levi.

“he looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping,” said sasha. she was the closest to the two.

“sasha! back up,” jean whispered while pulling her back.

they all inspected them. they looked a little too comfortable with each other. and that’s when armin connected the dots. while everyone was watching the two, he had figured something out.

“wait- guys ..” they all looked back at armin.

“what is it?” they all had their backs turned to the duo to hear what the blonde had to say.

“guys, you remember how everything was cleared off of his desk, and how his couch was a mess? the captain is shirtless .. and if i’m correct, commander y/n is also ,, uhm- shirtless,” armin looked at the floor with his new found discovery.

as if on time, a knife was thrown at armin. there was a small opening where they could throw something at armin. it didn’t hit him, but it was thrown next to his face and hit the wall, “bingo! you figured it out, arlert, i’m surprised though. thought it would take you longer,” they all slowly looked back in horror.

there was you and levi - awake.

while levi was undeniably flustered -- you didn’t have any shame. they all saw a bit of your side boob since levi was turned away from them and laying on your chest. when he realized who they were - thinking it was hange - his shy façade faded and he looked back at them while covering you up after seeing jean and eren looking a bit.

“what the fuck are you guys doing here?” that’s when all hell broke loose.

jean, connie, and sasha were yelling while running around the room. just when they were going to run out the room, a knife was thrown that stopped them. it hit the tip of sasha’s nose since she was in front. they looked back to see that you had thrown it. “no you don’t. unless you want to see my naked body, you’re not going anywhere.”

armin was on his knees repeatedly saying that they were sorry and begged for mercy. eren was getting yelled at by captain levi and mikasa was just standing there.

you and levi were properly sat up and levi offered most of the blanket to you for you to cover your breasts.

sasha, connie, and jean all walked to where eren was and they all got yelled at.

they were assigned cleaning, kitchen, and stable duty for 3 months, “any questions?”

eren looked up at you, “uh- if it’s not intruding or anything- what are you two?”

“now, that’s none of your business. jaeger-”

“levi, they need to know,” they all noticed how levi’s eyes softened a bit when they looked at you. levi sighed before nodding his head.

“levi and i have been dating for 6 months now, and before any of you panic and ask us why we didn’t tell you- it’s because the both of us aren’t that fond of pda,” they all didn’t know how to respond to this.

armin was the first to speak up, “so .. did you two ... have-”

“make up sex and angry sex? yes. levi was being a bitch to everyone about something-”

“oh it wasn’t just something, you almost got yourself killed,” levi glared at you.

they watched the both of you going back and forth before you ended the conversation to answer armins question, “anyways yeah he was mad about something and ignored everyone for like a week before he called me here yesterday night and apologized. i, of course, blew up on him and here we are now,” you grinned at them.

levi was definitely going to say something to you later about revealing certain things about your relationship that didn’t need revealing.

that’s when you rubbed your eyes and looked outside the window and panicked, “shit- levi we’re gonna be late. we have to do that thing and all the superiors need to be earlier than the scouts,” levi nodded his head.

“hey, can you pass me that?’ you asked mikasa. mikasa’s cheeks flamed up when she saw you were pointing at your black bra on the floor. mikasa grabbed the bra and tossed it to you. now that they all looked at the floor, yours and levi’s clothes were thrown all over the place.

you grabbed your panties from the nightstand besides your side of the bed and put them on. you looked over at levi who was staring at the group, “you’re not gonna get ready?”

levi shook his head, “i still have to deal with them,” after sasha tossed your jeans and shirt after pointing at them for her to grab, you put them on and stood up. your shirt wasn’t buttoned up - making your bra visible. levi knew you were in a rush so didn’t say anything.

knowing that he was going to be stubborn, you walked over his side, “don’t be harsh on them, okay?” you gave him a kiss and hugged him before you walked out and shut the door.

everything you needed was in your own bedroom.

levi looked at where you left with a slight blush that made the scouts smile. they’re smiles faded when they saw the look their captain was giving them, “now that she’s gone ... let’s discuss some things.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

hange looked at the terrified and sleepy looking scouts in front of them at the lunch room. they raised an eyebrow at the scouts, “what happened? you guys look like you just went through hell and back.”

“it was just a stupid dare,” sasha started, “and we got yelled at by captain levi,” eren finished for her.

“did he catch all of you staying up or something?”

“they walked into levi’s bedroom without knocking or anything,” you said after walking towards their table with levi behind you and sat yourself next to hange. levi sat next to you.

“they don’t know how to fucking knock-”

“levi, we talked about this. they’re kids, let them have fun so they don’t get all grumpy like you,” you teased while bumping his shoulder with yours.

hange looked between the two of you, “wait- did they walk in while you two were-?!” hange cackled.

“more like the aftermath,” you chuckled.

“that’s even worse!” hange held their stomach with both hands.

the scouts looked at hange, “wait, you knew about them?!” they all exclaimed.

hange wiped their tears, “of course i did? who do you think levi first told? he was so happy and couldn’t stop talking about it. when y/n first entered the training thing around the time levi joined, he wouldn’t stop getting all shy around her,” hange’s mouth was covered by you since you could tell that levi was getting annoyed. the scouts shivered, there was an aura surrounding the captain while he sipped his tea.

“hange, if you want to live to see tomorrow, run for it,” they dashed out of the room.

that’s when you realized that hange quite literally yelled and everyone heard what hange had said and chaos broke loose.

“they were dating?”

“captain levi’s known commander y/n for that long?”

“he had a crush on her when she first came here?”

“captain levi gets shy?”

“oi, leave it be or all of you will run 110 laps,” everyone went back to their business.

you chuckled nervously and scratched the back of your head.

levi looked all of them dead in the eyes, “knock next time or i’ll have your heads on a plate-”

“no, you won’t.”

“yes i will.”

“love, don’t start please.”

“you started it first.”

#levi x reader #crackfic #aot #aot crackfic #levi ackerman x reader #eremika #is canon #shinkegi no kyojin #attack on titan #levi ackerman

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justoneday-namjoonii · 4 years ago

Text

Quarters. | 9

☼1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9

prompt: “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” — soul-gazing

pairing: Jungkook x reader

warnings/au: please keep warnings in mind—dysfunctional relationship with a capital D, toxic relationship themes, but they’re attempting to get better, probably inaccurate therapy but i tried, m-ish, humor(i try), mentions of drug usage, cheater cheater pumpkin eater?, fluff, angst, boxer!au, iceskater!au.

authors note: Hello!!💖it’s been a while since the last update but here we are. ✨This chapter is pretty long✨. Unlike some of the other parts, it is following the timeline of the previous part(pt. 8) so just keep that in mind. See m.list for other parts. Enjoy!🥰

“Do it again, you need to stop relying on your right leg so much!”

Your coach yells for the third time in the last hour, she’s being a tyrant today. Your poor ankles are about to break off, your legs are straining and the cold air is starting to feel like vengeful needles. It’s been about two months since the incident with your leg and the doctor at your last check up granted you freedom to skate again. You’re glad it did to because you were about to go crazy. After the scandal came out about you and your ex-coach judge, she asked you if you wanted to get back into pairs. She went on about how Lucas was open to joining pairs again and that maybe you could get back with him—tempting offer. You’ve thought about it, though you still haven’t made a decision. It has been months since your injury, you can no longer use it as an excuse to take things easy.

Determined to get it right, you skate back to your starting point and try it again. You skate forward, bending your knees just slightly to gain more momentum and once you turn, you take off into a triple salchow. Perfect.

”Finally,” You mutter, skating over to the edge of the rink where your coach is just getting off a phone call.

“Okay, Lucas will be here on Thursday to practice with you,” She smiles, tucking her phone in her pocket, “there’s a competition in two months and I think you two should sign up for it.”

“Coach, I haven’t decided if I want to get back into that,” You put on your blade guards and walk over to the lockers, “I just don’t know yet.”

“Think about it,” She leans against the lockers as you untie your skates and put them in your bag, “if you’re seriously pursuing this career, you have to be flexible. You’re not getting any younger. I hate it just as much as you do but you’ll get positive exposure with him and maybe even pick up a sponsor for the season.”

“Fine,” You zip up your duffel bag and slip your hoodie on, deciding to leave the yoga pants on, “but I need a break. I worked a night shift last night so I’m only standing because I took three espresso shots and I’m about to take another one, I’m exhausted.”

“I know you are, try to get some rest this weekend. You’ll be at the ballet studio for half of next week so you won’t be on the ice,” She says that, hoping it’ll give you some relief, “just don’t forget to soak your feet tonight.”

You gather your stuff and walk out of the center, waving at Carrie the desk clerk like a zombie. It’s only 8 o’clock but you’ve been here for two hours, you feel like you’re in a time loop. An eternal warp created to keep you totally spent. When you hop in your car, you crank it up and turn the heat on. Not long after, your eyelids begin to feel heavy so you drive over to the closest coffee shop. When you look down at your phone, you see a missed call from Jeon Jungkook. All prior emojis have been removed from his contact.

His call will stay missed, just like the other five. You’re not in the mood for his sob story. About two weeks ago, you decided that you two needed to take a break but he took it hard. You remember sitting on your couch with crossed arms and staring at him as he twisted and squirmed uncomfortably.

“What kind of break?”

Are there different kinds?

“The kind where we stop seeing each other all the time, I don’t know what kind that is, Jungkook. But I can’t deal with this right now, it’s causing me major stress and anxiety...”

“You can’t deal with me?” He sounds hurt.

“Not with you Jungkook, with your crap. I have a ice skating career to try to work out, a job, school, the last thing I need to worry about is whether you can control yourself,” You frown, “you were just at my house with my niece and next thing I know you’re out getting high and fooling around with other girls.”

“You’re still upset about the photo,” He concludes, “baby, I told you, it didn’t go anywhere with that girl, I pushed her off. I wasn’t completely sober but I know I didn’t let her-”

“That’s exactly my point, you were doing drugs. And for what? You don’t need it. I understand a little bit of smoking every now and then but I can’t handle when you do that other stuff. That night was a disaster. I got stabbed, how does that even happen? But of course, it would happen to me,” You massage the sides of your temples. “I’m just over it, I’m tired.”

“You want to give up on us? Just like that? I’ve apologized a thousand times, I don’t know how to prove to you that I’m sorry,” He twiddles his fingers and bites at his bottom lip, “I don’t know what else to do.”

“I’m not giving up,” You defend, “we need some space to work on our selves.”

“Why can’t we work on ourselves together?”

“We’ve been doing that and it doesn’t work.”

The conversation continued on until you two ended up arguing for a good hour before you lied, saying you had to go to class. He left and you haven’t heard from him since, not a a call, a text, a call, not even a like on any of your recent posts. He’s taking this well.

“Why did you do that!? She’s gonna think I called her,” Jungkook snatches the phone from Jimin, “fuck, are you trying to get me killed?”

“Come on,” Jimin roles his eyes with a grin, putting his boxing gloves back on, “you guys can’t stay away from each other, you expect me to believe you two aren’t talking-”

“I’m serious, we haven’t talked for weeks,” Jungkook locks his phone with a frown, tucking it in his gym bag, “she’s done with me.”

“Oh, aw man,” He is serious, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you guys broke up.”

He had been by you and Jungkook for the entirety of the relationship, it always seemed like you preferred things to be spontaneous. Admittedly, he knew Jungkook would do something that pushed you over the edge one day but he didn’t think it would be so soon.

“We didn’t break up,” Jungkook mumbles, tying his hair back with a head band, “we’re just taking a break, that’s what she told me at least.”

“Aw, that sucks,” Jimin has to contain his amusement, it’s not funny but the fact that Jungkook is giving you full control over the relationship is unusual to him.

“Every time I think about trying to talk to her, I just remember that face she makes and that tone she uses. That’s when I know she does not give a single fuck, it’s scary.”

“Is there a reason she’s being so hard on you? Don’t get me wrong, you were in the wrong. You shouldn’t have been there but it’s been weeks.”

“Her past relationship was rough on her mentally and emotionally. When she was young she had some things happen to her that causes her to have a hard time trusting others.”

“If you knew that then why did you do what you did?”

“I don’t know, okay? Everyone's been beating me up about it but I just don’t have an answer for you. I said I was sorry,” Jungkook shakes his head, fists making brunt contact with the punching bag, “I just I miss her,”

“It’ll be alright, she’ll come around,” Jimin holds the bag, keeping it still for the lovesick boy, “just give it some time. Hey, I’m taking my niece to the ice-skating rink in town, you should come!”

Jungkook, dramatically collapses to the ground, laying back on the ground with his boxing gloves on his face. “Ice-skating, why would you suggest ice-skating!?” He whines. “That’s literally what she does, it’s just going to remind me of her...”

“Aw Kook, I know,” Jimin can’t help but giggle at Jungkook’s overreaction, “that’s okay, you’ll be fine, and besides,” He pulls him up from the ground and pushes his shaggy hair back, “you can’t stay away from each other forever..”

“What about this one?” You step out of the dressing room, turning from side-to-side to let her see, “I like the color.”

“That’s the one,” Harmony scrolls through her phone, eyes going between you and the screen, “perfect.”

“Harmony, you’re just saying that!” You whine, turning to look into the mirror again with a frown.

“Y/n, this is the 11th dress you’ve tried on, it looks great. I’m serious.”

“Okay, I’ll go with this one then,” You smile, going back in the dressing room to change back into your clothes. Yuna’s having a party for the charity she works with. All of the money donated goes to buying toys and clothes for kids in foster care and orphanages, you attend every year.

“You know, I heard Jungkook might come with Taehyung,”

Ugh, you forgot that your groups of friends are also friends. Jeon Jungkook, you still consider him your boyfriend in some aspects, but you don’t want to face him right now. Maybe you’re dragging this out too far but honestly, you don’t care. You love him but right now, you’re doing too well to let him crawl himself back into your life. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t creeping on his social media every now and then, you do care enough to see how he’s doing on there.

“Hm,”

“That’s all you have to say?” She giggles.

“Yup.”

“Did you officially dump his ass yet?”

You step out of the dressing room, rolling your eyes harder than necessary.

“Look, what happened to you was terrible. You couldn’t skate because of him. You caught him with another girl and you still let him take you home,” She was still bitter about Jungkook taking you away the way he did, she still thinks she should have insisted more.

You clear your throat, “I rather not talk about it.”

It’s been admittedly awkward every time one of your friends bring that night up. On one hand, you understand why they bash him so hard but on the other hand, it’s hard to hear. You two leave the mall and grab lunch to eat in the comfort of your car..

During this break, you’ve decided to try and take things slow, relax. Admittedly, it would be nice to have Jungkook around again, to run errands with, to cuddle with. It’s hard not to miss him, you knew it would be.

“We should go to the pop-up ice-skating rink on campus today, it’s a family thing I think,” Harmony squeezes ketchup onto her fries with a thoughtful him, “it sounds fun.”

“It’s funny you say that, Lucas invited me to go ther. He was going to go with his family, I told him I probably wouldn’t be able to.” You sigh.

“Oh, that’s right! The prince is back in town,” Harmony always had a thing for Lucas, even in high school. When you two were partners years ago, she still had a crush on him, “then we definitely should go. Are you getting back into pairs with him?

“Yeah, we’ll do one season together next year.” You have to admit, you are excited to get back into the practice with one of your best friends.

“I’ll definitely have to brush up on my ballet lessons and I was always a bit too shaky during lifts. Our instructions used to say if I don’t look comfortable during lifts on the stable ground, I can’t expect to look good while I’m being lifted and Lucas is still skating. I trust Lucas a lot more now so I think it’ll go well,”

“Jungkook will love that.”

You take a bite of your chicken sandwich with a heavy sigh, “He’ll live...”

“Uncle,” Yona sits with her little brother in the back seat while they wait for Jungkook to finish pumping the gas, “why does your friend look so grumpy? Doesn’t he want to go skating with us?”

Jimin glances back at Yona and smiles, thinking of how he should explain Jungkook’s situation. “He’s just upset, he’s fine.”

“What is he upset about?” Jimin hesitates for a moment but Jungkook signals that he’s running inside for something.

“Well,” He turns to face her, “can you keep a secret?” She eagerly nods. “Kookie is a little sad because he misses his girlfriend.”

“Oh, what happened to her?” Yona frowns, fearing what Jimin might say.

“Nothing happened to her, he’s okay, they just haven’t seen each other in a long time,” He rakes his brain, trying not to say too much about Jungkook’s love life, “but it’s okay, he’s alright. Just try to understand, he’s not trying to be a grump, he’s just a big teddy bear who pretends to be tough when he’s sad,” He grins, “but don’t tell him I said that.”

“Oh,” She nods adorably, pitying Jungkook, “I won’t,”

in the nick of time, Jungkook comes back with a receipt and mumbles something about the poor management in the convenience store. Jimin notices how Yona looks at him with sympathetic eyes but Jungkook doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too wrapped up in his phone to see that a 9-year-old is pitying his dysfunctional love-life.

It doesn’t take long before the four of them arrive at the skating rink and Jimin is helping, Juda, Yona’s sleepy 5-year-old brother out of the car. Yona takes the liberty of escorting her self out and walking over to Jungkook.

“Hi,” She looks up at him, not even a little intimidated by his towering stature over herself.

Jungkook looks around, as if she’s talking to someone else. “Hi,” He gives her a small wave, “it’s Yona, right?”

“Yes,” She nods, walking by his side, “uncle said your girlfriend skates, do you skate too?”

Jungkook mentally cringes, bracing himself for whatever Jimin told this little girl about his personal life. “No, I’m a boxer, she’s the skater.”

“Ahh, ice skating is prettier than boxing, you should ice skate too,” She looks back at Jimin and Juda walking side by side, wondering if she should walk with them or stay with Jungkook. Just when she was about to further judge Jungkook’s life choices, Jimin and Juda catch up. Jimin leads the four of them to the skate rental booth where Jungkook avoids eye contact with the girls behind the counter. It’s hard enough to be in your environment, let alone be surrounded by couples and families skating to their hearts content. It’s not the same without you, it doesn’t feel like he should even be trying to enjoy himself after what he did to you.

Jimin and the kids get their skates on, but Jungkook tells them to go ahead without him. The more he sits here, the less he wants to be here.

“We decided to come and skate for a little bit, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to take your invitation, I didn’t think I’d be able to come.” You and Harmony skate out onto the ice.

Lucas stands at the edge of the rink, smiling. “It’s okay, I’m here with my family so don’t sweat it, hey! You wanna practice a routine, for old time sake?”

“There are way too many people to be practicing a routine. Besides, I’m already sore from practice yesterday.”

“Where’s your boyfriend? I thought you told me he skates with you sometimes,” He skates a circle around you, a toothy grin on his face, “I want to meet him.”

“He was busy,” You lie. You don’t know where Jungkook is or what he’s doing, “It’s just us.″

Somehow, he believes you and skates off with his family while you breathe.

“You lie,” Harmony shakes her head as if to say shame on you.

“What was I supposed to say? I’m not gonna burden him with my personal problems.”

You two go back and forth until she surrenders, claiming she’ll leave you a Jungkook’s relationship out of her mouth for the rest of the day. You highly doubt she can but you appreciate the effort.

Nononononono—why is he here? And blonde. Your eyes widen, your palms get sweaty, just seeing him affects you. You’ve missed him. Judging by the way he’s sitting on the bench with his skates beside him, he looks sad. Who is he here with?

”Y/n, Harmony, hey!” Jimin skates over to you with two little kids by his side, they’re so cute. “What’re you two doing here?”

”Jimin? Hi, fancy meeting you here, we decided to come last minute,” You’ve connect the dots now, “who are these two cuties?”

“I’m babysitting my niece and nephew,” He holds both of your hands and the both of them say a shy little greeting, “say hello guys,”

“Hi,” Yona waves at you two and you greet her with a bright smile.

Jimin glances back at Jungkook who has yet to notice you. “Y/n, can I talk to you for a minute?” You nod.

“Harmony can you please watch them for a second?” “Me? Um, I guess but-”

You skate to the edge of the rink and Jimin follows, you already anticipating what this conversation is about.

“Jungkook is here.”

“I know, I saw him,” You deadpan.

“Look, I know what happened between you guys and he probably doesn’t want me to say this, but he’s been the biggest bitch since you two split, I’ve never seen him so at odds with himself.”

“What am I supposed to do about that? That’s not my fault.” You frown.

“I’m not saying that you need to do anything,” Now he understands what Jungkook meant about your infamous tone. “I just wanted to let you know, I figured you haven’t talked.”

“I’m sorry,” You hold your face in your hands, “I’m not trying to be mean, I just have a lot on my mind and I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with him today.”

“Maybe you two can talk, I’m not saying you should get back together but maybe talking face to face will help you find common ground?”

That’s advice that you know you should take but the thought of talking to him makes your stomach uneasy. It’s easier to ignore him, erase him from your life while you figure out what you want. You’re very childish in the aspect of talking things out, he is too.

“Here he comes,” Jimin looks over at Jungkook who is slowly approaching you two, “I’ll give you two some space-”

“Jimin, I swear, if you did this on purpose!-” Your threat is cut short when he skates away and Jungkook skates up to you. As if you don’t even see him, you quickly skate away, uninterested in anything he might have to say.

Jungkook knows he can’t possibly out-skate you. He mumbles a few curses before skating over to Jimin and the kids as frustrated as ever. For a moment, he almost changed course because Harmony, his biggest hater, is with them and she is one of the last people he wants to see.

“Jungkook, hey,” Jimin sighs, dreading the angry frown in Jungkook’s brows, “I’m glad you decided to-”

“Did you know she was here?” Jungkook cuts straight to the punch, not paying any mind to Harmony whose staring at him as if he’s a mass murderer.

“No,” Jimin shrugs, voice low in order not to alarm the kids who are skating near by, “you know I would have told you.”

“I’ll be in the car.” He skates off, anxious to get off the ice but he’s stopped when another skater bumps into his shoulder.

“Sorry!-”

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook shrugs, but just when Jungkook was about to leave the guy gives him a weird look.

“Wait, what’s your name? You look so familiar,”

“Jungkook,” He responds with a bit of impatience, “I don’t think I know you from anywhere, sorry-”

“You’re Y/n’s boyfriend! She showed me some of her pictures pictures,” Lucas smiles but Jungkook’s eyes darken, “I’m Lucas, we’re competing in pairs again next season, I’m sure she’s told you.”

“Oh, I didn’t know, probably slipped her mind,” You haven’t mentioned it on purpose. Then again, how could you? You haven’t talked in weeks.

Just when he thought this day couldn’t get any worse, he meets your partner, and he’s not ugly,

“She said you couldn’t come because you were busy, did you come to surprise her?”

“Something like that- I’m sorry, I gotta go.”

“Okay, well...nice to meet you,” Lucas waves him off but Jungkook doesn’t pay him any mind.

He thought this might go differently, why did he think that? As soon as he saw you, that tug in his heart came back, that desire to be around you came back. When you walked away, it made him feel like crap, you didn’t even want to look at him.

While he’s skating off to the side to leave the rink, he sees you taking off your personal skates and putting them in their bag. Of course, your caddie is right next to where his heavy black boots are. He enters the room opens the caddie with the little pass-code they gave him when he rented the skates. You spare him a glance as you tie your sneakers and he sits to get his shoes on.

“Did you have to ignore me like that?” He decides to speak up.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You frown, “I don’t even know why you’re here.”

“Since when did you start caring where I go?” He bites back. “You’ve been ghosting me for fucking weeks and suddenly I’m not allowed to go out?”

“I didn’t want to see you...I was doing so good, I was forgetting about you.” You lean back, not giving him eye contact.

”Wow, just what I wanted to hear,” He thought you would say something like that but he didn’t expect you to be so blunt.

“You can’t say you’re surprised, can you?”

“No, but the least you can do is talk to me.”

”Fine, that’s fair. What do you have to say?” You stand to your feet, your bag tight in your hand/

”Believe it or not,” He gets up to lean on the wall behind him, “I love you, so I'm letting you drag me along and make all of the rules but I’m just asking that you communicate with me, I need to know what you want,” He tends to ask this question when he’s most desperate for your good side to emerge.

“Why don’t you tell me what you want? I’m not the one going around making decisions that hurt our relationship, not recently anyway.” You throw a jab at him, you couldn’t contain it anymore.

“If you’re trying to make me feel like shit, you’ve succeeded. You’ve been succeeding for weeks now, it’s actually starting to get to me, mentally.” As he says that, an unsuspecting few individuals come in to get there things.

“Can-” You pause and walk over to him to eliminate the awkward distance, “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

His spirits brighten a little because at least you’re interested in continuing the conversation, you haven’t even attempted to do that until now. So when he stutters out an “okay”, his feet move as soon as yours do. He’s walking right next to you and you find yourself keeping your arms crossed, away from his hands that you would normally be holding. By the time you walk out to the rink, Jimin is still with the kids and Harmony is gone, probably in the restroom. You find a secluded area near the concession area and take a seat, he does the same right across from you.

“Do you want to break up?”

He puts it out there. He’s never been the one to hesitate, especially when his heart is on the line.

“What do you mean?” You swallow, not expecting to be confronted with that question.

He almost scoffs because you’re having a similar reaction to his reaction to you telling him you wanted to take a break.

“Do you not want to be in a relationship anymore? If this isn’t something you’re willing to do anymore, I need you to tell me so I can grieve in peace...I feel really lost right now.”

“Grieve? I’m not going to die if we break up, Jungkook, and I never said I wanted to break up—I never said I didn’t love you either. That’s not what this is about, it’s not about whether we love each anymore, it’s about trust.”

“How can I gain your trust?”

You look around, making sure no one is listening in on you two before mumbling out your answer. “I don’t know...I just don’t trust you, I can’t tell you how to make it up to me because people who screw me over, I normally stay as far away from them as I can.”

All you can think about is the lies from your birth-mother, the betrayal and humiliation that came over you when you found out about your ex. Situations like that always come to mind when the subject of trust is mentioned. You’ve been hurt and Jungkook knows that, he knows when you feel like you can’t trust someone, you shut down. You want nothing to do with that person, your pain blinds you—its your character flaw.

“You’re lucky I’m even talking to you right now,” You mumble, nibbling at your bottom lip.

“Yeah, I know.” He scoffs, a look of disbelief that turns into an understandable shrug of his shoulders.

“I’ve always thought of you as someone I didn’t deserve, you know that,” He glances down at his twiddling fingers, “when we got together, you changed me and I’m so grateful for that...I was such a shitty person before I met you- I mean, I’m sure you think I’m shitty now but I was way worse.” It surprises you when you see tears welling at his eyes that he quickly wipes away, tattooed fingers getting a bit wet.

“Jungkook,” You lay a hand over his with sympathetic eyes, “I still love you.”

“Seriously?” He glances up at you, surprised.

“Yes...You hurt me, you made me feel stupid and I’m not over it...But I never forget those times where I made life difficult for you, you never made me feel irredeemable. No matter how awful I acted, you never made me feel like a burden. That’s more than I can say about a lot of people in my life.”

The more you talk this out with him, the more you realize how harshly you’ve been treating him. It doesn’t change how you feel about your relationship, but it does open your eyes to the standard you’ve been holding him to. You don’t know if you’re ready to start again.

“Well, I have to be honest with you,” He looks at you through his dirty blonde locks, “it still hurts like hell to have you treat me like a stranger. That shit is painful, even for me.”

“I’m sorry,” You murmur out an apology before you can really think about it, “I’m just upset at you is all...” Slowly, you take your hand off of his and your eyes wander back to his dear-like eyes.

“Everyone’s telling me I should let you go but I don’t want to. I just need to know that you’re willing to wait for me, and to work on yourself...”

“I’ll do anything, I’ll do whatever it takes for us,”

Shortly after that day, you found yourself thinking more and more about your future. It made you cringe at one point, what were you planning to do with the rest of your life? Whatever you planned to do, you always imagined Jungkook would be by your side. Now, you’re coming to terms with the fact that things may not go as planned.

“Y/n, are you ready?” Lucas calls your name from outside of the dressing room.

”What are you doing in here? This is the woman’s locker room,” You open the door, now fully dressed in your new leotard.

”We’re the only ones here,” Lucas stands with a matching outfit, far less sparkly as yours.

”Why does she always pick these leotards for me? You always get the toned down looks-” You walk over to the mirror, furrowing your brows, “Oh, actually, this one is kinda nice.”

“She knows you’re the most dramatic out of the two of us, maybe that’s why,” He shrugs his shoulders before quickly running back out into the ballet studio. Your least favorite part of your career is the ballet lessons, it’s the most grueling.

“Come on out, Y/n, we only have the studio for the morning so we need to use our time wisely.”

“Sorry,” You walk out with an urgency, “the costume fits okay, a little snug but it’s doable.”

Coach gives you a knowing look, she’s been floating the idea of a diet around. As committed as you are to your craft, dieting is one thing you don’t think you need to do well. You try to stay fit but sometimes you’re more concerned about your dwindling love life than you dress size. The ballet instructor emerges from around the corner and you cringe, the next few hours are about to be painful.

Yet, as the class progresses, your thoughts drift farther from the positions and you find yourself zoning out completely.

At one point in time, you couldn’t imagine being without Jungkook. Out of all of the people who’ve come and gone out of your life, he stayed. He became your best friend and your first love.

“I don’t want to be here anymore, please, just let me go home,” You sat on the hotel room floor, hair pin in your hands and a painfully cold ice bag on your ankle, “...I can’t go back out there.”

She stands with crossed arms, her unchanging expression not doing anything for your emotional state.”Y/n, you are a professional, and do you know what professionals do?”

”No.”

“They finish the competition, no matter what. You need to stay for the judging, “

“Why? I fell on my biggest jump on live television. Cindy. I look like an amateur...There’s no way in hell they’ll even consider placing me. That means I’m done for, I might as well kiss nationals goodbye.”

”That was the last program, you still have a chance-“

”Not after Charlotte’s routine! You said it yourself, I had to be flawless or Charlotte would take my spot in the qualifying team, there was no room for error. This is the one time it had to be perfect...” You use the bed to help you up and you sit down n the edge of it.

”It won’t be perfect every time. You work harder than any girl I know, and not just in this sport, you work hard at whatever you do and you support yourself, you’re the only girl I know who’s parents aren’t paying for you to be here. You deserve to be here, you made one mistake, one. It’s not the end of the world, sweetheart,” Cindy takes a seat beside you, a comforting hand going to your shoulder, “these things happen.”

You take a deep breath, trying to calm down and think rationally. Cindy is trying her best to talk you off of the ledge but you’re very much still there. She says you work so hard, but what do you have to show for it? You’re doing this alone a majority of the time. Your family only comes to support you sometimes, they don’t have a lot of free time to spend on your hobby. Your iceskating is a glorified hobby to them, they won’t say it but it’s true. After they told you to pick a major and find a good paying 9-5, they stopped paying for your iceskating. They’re paying for school but that’s it, you’re supporting yourself in every other aspect. That gave you all the reason to try to prove to them that you were an exceptional athlete. To prove to them that you did it all on your own, that’s your only goal. Yet, the more you reach for that, the farther you get from it.

”Listen, I need to check on the other girls, alright? I hope you reconsider.” She pecks your forehead, a motherly affection that you’ve come to appreciate from her. She is like a mom in some ways. She cares for the entire team, and she would never say it, but she has a particular soft spot for you. She can see how much you want this, how the ice can take you to a different place.

You were meant to do this, she always tells you that. She saw the fire in you as soon as she accepted you on her team. Your passion attracted her to you, you never stopped, you had so much drive. Some people are meant to fight tooth and nail for what they want, sometimes you have to ask yourself, why do I have be one of those people?

Ignoring your better judgment, you packed your bags and took the 2-hour drive back to your apartment. All while you were fleeing the city to seek refuge at home, you received multiple phone calls from Jungkook but you couldn’t bring yourself to call him back. When you got home, you took off your tracksuit and sank face first into your coach.

As much as you wanted Jungkook to come to the competition, you insisted that he stay and take that job. He hasn’t been boxing as much so any extra art job he can take, you encourage him to take it. He told you he’d streamed the competition while working on the mural at a nearby bar. His heart sank when you took that fall. You put hours of practice into that routine and perfected it, he had seen you do it flawlessly several times.

All he wanted to do was hug you and tell you that you did well but all he could do was hope that you weren’t beating yourself up. He could only imagine how devastated you were and to not be able to be there for you, he couldn’t stand it. He finished up the mural and you had finally texted him saying, ‘I came home early.’ He went straight to your apartment with the big pink bunny he bought for you, you need it even more now.

”Hey, it’s me,” He opened the front door and announced himself softly and walks further inside.

The television barely illuminates the living room but he sees you laying on the couch. He sits the bunny down behind the couch so you can’t see them before walking around to greet you in your depressing state.

“I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow, baby,” He rests a hand on thigh and kisses your cheek, “you must’ve known how much I was missing you,” His attempt to make you smile goes painfully unnoticed.

He bites at his bottom lip in thought. “Did something happen?...”

You swallow the lump in your throat and finally look him in the eyes, “Did you watch my second program?”

“I did, you looked beautiful-”

“I’m quitting.”

He turns his whole body to you, brows deeply furrowed like a cartoon character. “What?”

You cover your face with a pillow, successfully hiding your tears, “I’m calling Cindy to tell her I don’t want to do it anymore, I quit.”

“Woah, wait, why?” He takes the pillow from you to see your face, “Y/n, calm down, what’s going on? Tell me what happened.”

“I- I didn’t make the national team, that was my only chance until next year. All my hard work went down the drain and everyone saw me screw up..” You wipe your tears with your sleeve.

“Hey, it’s okay, you cry if you need to,” He pulls you into a hug, cradling your head to his chest, “I know this is tough for you but it’s not the end of the world, it’ll get better.”

You pull away from him as if he were suddenly hot to the touch and bury your face into the arm of the couch. “You wouldn’t understand, the pique of my career was riding on this, and I blew it. It feels like the end of my world, okay?”

You know your words are muffled by the couch, that’s probably for the better anyway. “T- that’s just how I feel...”

He doesn’t pry any further after that. He knows there’s not much he can say to change your mind right now. Instead, he scoots closer to your side and places a comforting hand on your back, rubbing soothing circles as he waits for you to continue.

“I have nothing if I lose this, there’s all this pressure on my shoulders and its tearing me apart...” You turn to wipe your face and sit up. “I love skating, it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do...if I stop, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.”

You’ll never forget that night.

He lifted you into his lap and kept his arms tight around you. “You’re so much more than just your skating. You’re so good at but it’s not all that you are.” Jungkook has a way of talking you off of the edge but that night, you were especially down on yourself.

“Yes it is...”

“No it’s not,” He sighs, “look, I know what it feels like to find your identity in something and then all of a sudden, that something is gone...When my portfolio got rejected, I felt like a failure. My family never got behind the boxing thing, so I’ve always tried to find another way to support myself just in case for whatever reason it doesn’t work out...I didn’t start realizing that until recently. I’m constantly torn between giving up one dream for the other but I want to do both, you actually inspire me to do both.” You furrow your brows, briefly abandoning your own issues to listen to him.

“You work so hard and you’re showing your family that you can do this, you just have to believe in yourself, and you know what? You’re doing amazing. Tonight was just a bad night, it happens.” He squeezes you tight and you do the same, arms fastened around his neck as if it would kill you to let go.

You didn’t need to say anything after that. You settled your mind and you were no longer at the edge, you were still close, but not there. With your head resting over his shoulder, you try to peek over the couch to see what he dropped back there when he walked in.

“Hey, what’d you think you’re doing?” Jungkook leans forward and your grip around him is loosened so you can no longer look back there. “You think I got something for you?”

You look down a bit embarrassed that he caught you, “Well, yeah...you did, didn’t you?” You smile for the first time tonight and he breathes a sigh of relief. Finally.

He was going to tease you for wanting your gifts even though you just had a meltdown. But how could he? He wants to keep this smile on your face for as long as possible.

“Sit,” He lifts you off his lip and back to your previous seat on the couch, “no peeking.”

You hold your hands over your eyes, excited even thought have no idea what it might be.

“Okay, open.”

When you move your hands to see you squeal in excitement. “Oh, Jungkook! It’s so cute!” You stand up to take the pink bunny that’s almost more than half your size. “Thank you,” You lean into him with the bunny between you two, “it’s so big and soft, like you.”

“Yeah I know,” He sways from side-to-side with you in his arms, “you feeling better?”

You muffle your sigh into the stuffed animal, “I still wanna quit.”

“Oh stop,” He pulls the from your grip and tosses it onto the couch, “you’re just being bratty now,”

“No I’m not,” You whine, the issue still very fresh, “I’m still sad...I just really like my gift and I’m happy to see you...But I am still upset.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” He lays on the couch and beckons you into his arms to lay on his chest, “let’s cuddle you until you feel better then, will that help?”

“Maybe...”

You’d be lying if you said you could live without that side of him.

A few days later, you’re surprised you hadn’t heard from him. But when you get back from the gym with a missed call from him and a solemn text to ‘call back when you can’, you actually call him back.

“Is something wrong?”

“No, nothings wrong. Thank you for calling me back.”

His voice sounds relaxed but a bit anxious.

“Did you need something?” You sigh, pouring your boiling water in your mug.

“Are you free to go with me somewhere at 11? And then maybe, we could grab dinner? Just-...Don’t be mad, please.”

Anxiety bubbles in your chest.

“What’re you talking about?”

“I signed us up for couples therapy.”

“You did what?” Somewhere in your mind, you had wanted him to bring this up—you never imagined that he actually would.

”You said we don’t know how to work on ourselves together, I read that therapy helps with that. Will you go with me? If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again I swear.”

“Jungkook...I appreciate the effort, I really do, but how did you find this therapist? Do you trust them?”

”Of course. He has great reviews online and my-...Well, my mom found him actually.”

You pause, a bit taken aback. He talked to his mom about your relationship and he took her advice about seeing a therapist? He must have really taken your words to heart about getting help.

“Can you pick me up?”

“Sure, I’ll be there in 20.”

When he picked you up, you were reminded just how well he could clean up. Sure, he always dresses so well and smells amazing, but he’s different today—you can tell he put in a lot of effort. You’re glad you decided to do your makeup and where a nice sundress, you would have felt terribly under-dressed.

“Hi, how can I help you?

“Hi, we have an appointment for Jeon at 5, with Seojoon.”

You stand next to Jungkook at the front desk, your hands tightly clutching your purse. It’s hard to not think the woman is judging you and Jungkook for being here. She’s probably seen hundreds of people come into this office but something in you can’t shake the feeling. She directs you two to the waiting room and says he’ll come get you two in a few minutes.

“So,” You begin, glancing at Jungkook, “I’m nervous...”

“Me too.” This is new for the both of you. In only a few seconds, who you assume to be Seojoon emerges from the hallway and you look at him a bit wide-eyed.

“Hi, Jungkook, Y/n, are you two ready?”

“Oh, um, yes.” You stand up in sync with Jungkook, already wanting to run out of here but you resist.

You have to admit that the office is really nice, not stiff and sterile looking, the energy is very calming. Seojoon opens the door to a cozy-looking room with tons of natural sun light. There’s warm-rose colored couch that you assume is for ‘the couple.’

“Alright, you can take a seat right there, make yourselves comfortable.” He smiles, taking a seat and you two do the same.

“So let’s get right into it. What brought you two here today? If you could both tell me your separate answers, that would be great.” Despite Seojoon looking at you directly to presumably go first, you divert your eyes and look at Jungkook to say something first.

“Well, we’re- I think we’re going through a lot right now and I just want to save our relationship.” Jungkook sits back, resting against the arm of the couch as he gazes at you to give your answer.

“What about you, Y/n?”

You glance down at your lap, feeling very out of your comfort zone and not confident enough to verbalize what you would like to say. Alas, you try.

“I feel the same way, we’re not in a good place and I’m confused about what to do-...I just want what we used to have.” You confess a bit of your true feelings but ignore the longing look Jungkook gives you.

“When did you start feeling like the relationship was changing?”

“Fairly recently. We were fine, at least I thought we were until I saw him with another girl back in an old lifestyle that I thought he gave up...”

Seojoon diverts his attention away from you and to Jungkook. “Jungkook, do you want to share a little bit about that?”

“Not really,” He answers honestly at least.

“Why not?”

“To be honest, I don’t know why she keeps throwing the same jab at me. I’ve told her the truth but she doesn’t want to hear it. I went out that night,” He almost glares at you, “I didn’t plan to. I ran into an old friend and I just-...I thought it was harmless and I got caught up...”

Seojoon scribbles something down. “Okay, so can you fill me in a little bit. Are we talking about unfaithfulness? Addiction?”

“Unfaithfulness,” You interject. “he said he didn’t cheat on me but...” You mumble, your confidence faltering for some reason. “It’s hard to believe that.”

“But you think he did so you have some distrust. Were you unfaithful, Jungkook?”

“It doesn’t matter if I say I did or I didn’t, she thinks I did.” He shrugs.

”Y/n,” Seojoon puts an end to the death stare you had on Jungkook, “can you tell Jungkook what cheating looks like to you?”

”Not sleeping with her doesn’t mean you didn’t cheat on me. Letting her put her hands on you- And I don’t care if it was just a kiss! You shouldn’t have been in that situation, and for me to have to see it on social media? I could have killed you I was so mad. You should ask Jungkook what cheating is to him. We obviously have different standards for defining it...”

”What does cheating look like to you, Jungkook?” He heeds your suggestion without any push-back.

”To me,” He hesitates, feeling a bit scrutinized, “it’s when a person violates the intimacy of the relationship by giving it to someone else.”

“What kind of intimacy?”

“Emotional, physical, every kind,” He turns to you, “I wouldn’t do thingst that I do with Y/n with anyone else, not by choice-”

“Yes you would! You did...Are you trying to tell me that you were assaulted? That she forced her way on you?”

“I was blitzed! I don’t fucking know. All I do know is that she got on top of me and I pushed her off. That’s it. I swear, if anything else happened, I don’t remember it.”

“I don’t care. You know what I’ve been through, to even allow another girl to even get close to touching you like that...It was a slap in the face.”

Seojoon’s ears perk up at the mention of your past. “Did you have to go through a similar situation in a previous relationship?”

“Yes and he knows this. I was being cheated on before and the guy had a literal baby on the way throughout our entire relationship...It was traumatizing.” It stings his ears to hear you say that. But it’s true, he knows your past and he didn’t let it stop him.

“What happened must have triggered you,” You nod to yourself, “but you’re here to try to work through forgiveness and build trust. If you two are comfortable with it, I’d like you do do two exercises; one here and one when you’re alone. The first one that you’ll do here, I need you to face each other, preferably close, and I have some questions for you two to ask each other.”

“Like this?” Jungkook answers instantly and turns to you, getting closer to you than he has in weeks. You face him slowly, eyes wavering a bit. His face has always been a soft-spot for you, staring at him makes you feel weak.

“Actually,” Seojoon stands up, gesturing for you to do the same, “two chairs might be more comfortable, yeah? Let’s go to my other room.”

You follow Seojoon to a small room with three chairs a small table in front of them. Jungkooks pulls seat out so they’re facing each other. When you look up to acknowledge him with deliberate eye-contact, for a moment he thinks you might be softening.

“I want you all to start with ‘I’ statements, tell your partner how you feel or how you felt in this case. Try to maintain eye-contact and truly listen to each other.”

“I’ll go first,” You volunteer because you want to get this over with.

“I feel alone and helpless when you go back to your old habits, I feel like you’re hiding things from me...” You find a way to keep your eyes-locked to his.

“I’m not asking you to be perfect but I just want you to make me feel special to you...Like you wouldn’t dream of being with someone else. Because I don’t think of loving anyone else, and trust me I’ve tried to imagine it but I can’t,” You bite your cheek to keep from crying, “you make it so hard to trust you. You don’t listen and you don’t change until it’s too late.”

Being emotionally inept is something you are both too good at. It’s difficult for you to share your true feelings with a clear mind, but when you do, you can never guess what will happen next.

“I feel trapped by you. I know I fucked everything up, okay? You don’t have to keep reminding me.” His tone is harsher than you anticipated.

“I’m trying to put in the fucking effort to help us, and I’m giving you time. But when you tell me you still want me but you won’t even let me come around, it’s confusing. You’re confusing, that’s just how I feel.” His brows furrow and you notice Seojoon watches the exchange intently.

“But I miss you and I want you back, I don’t want to take a break,” He leans forward with his hands firmly gripping your knees over your dress, “I know you think I’m an asshole but I try to change, I’m trying, you know I wouldn't bring you to this if I could think of any other way to prove that to you.” The strain in his voice only stirs more emotions inside of you.

“Jungkook,” Seojoon calls his name softly and Jungkook looks over as if he forgot he was there, “try not to engage in any physical, okay? It can be overwhelming.”

“Sorry,” He takes his hands from you and sits back, “that’s all I want to say.”

“Alright, well, um,” Seojoon clears his throat, eager to break the tension up a little bit, “unfortunately our session is up but I want to give you two a list of exercises and talking points. I know this was a consultation appointment but I want to give you some things to work on at home. I’ll have Kelly type up your homework, alright?”

“Okay, thank you,” you both thank the therapist but you get up with an urgency and leave the room before Jungkook can follow you. When you make it out to the waiting room, you spot the bathroom and you bolt to it. Before you have to spend a car ride with him, you need to get your emotions together.

“Mr. Jeon,” The receptionist calls him from the hall, “this is for you, you can bring it back to the next appointment for a discount.” Jungkook halfheartedly thanks her before going to the car. He doesn’t even know if there will be another session. He needs to smoke before you come out and you’ll freak if he smokes while you’re in the car.

“Why did I come here...” You look at the mirror and frown, you look so rough. It was nice to get everything out in the open but you knew he’d get intense eventually. Only when the toilet flushed did you remember that there were multiple stalls in here. When you look away from the mirror to fumble through your purse, just trying to avoid talking to her.

”Hi, how are you?”

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Oh god, nervous, I’m nervous. Me and my husband, we’re newly weds, our appointment is in five minutes and I really don’t know what to expect. Did you have an appointment with your partner?”

“I did,” You sigh, “it was-...It was fine, don’t be nervous.” In your attempt to comfort her, you find your self in a highly hypocritical position. “Me and my boyfriend, we’re different so ours was a little- A little chaotic but I think it helped a little,” You hesitate, “I don’t know.”

“That makes me feel a little better, hopefully my husband behaves himself,” She tosses her wavy brown hair over her shoulder and smiles, “well, it was nice meeting you.”

It takes you a moment but you gather the strength to wave goodbye and go face your boyfriend.

”Excuse me, Miss, I think your husband forgot to grab this.” The receptionist waves you over and hands you a little folder.

”Oh,” You try to hide the blush forming on your cheeks. he’s not my- We’re not married.”

”Oh, I’m sorry! He only put his last name on the appointment so I thought it was your name as well. Sorry about that, have a great rest of your day.” She bids you farewell with a flustered smile.

When you walk outside, you see Jungkook leaning against the car. You thought he might’ve been smoking but you can’t detect any small. That’s a relief.

”You feeling okay?” He questions gently.

You nod, hopping in the car with the desire to be home already. He gets in the car and glances at you from the corner of his eye, he worries that this might have been too much for you.

“Where do you want to eat?”

“There’s a ramen place down the street, that’s fine with me.” You suggest, eyes trained on your phone.

The air in the car isn’t tense or stiff, its just quiet. There’s a lot to unpack from the session and you figured Jungkook was thinking through it too. That’s why when you two arrived at the ramen shop, took your seats, and placed your orders, the silence was getting to be a bit too awkward for you.

“I like the new hair, you’ve never gone this blonde before,” You glance up at him, trying to start a conversation, “it looks good.”

“Thanks, it was an impulsive thing. I heard you decided to get back into pairs,” He brings the coke to his lips, “I was surprised to hear that.”

“Oh, yeah,” You figured he would find out soon, “I’m back with Lucas for the season.”

“Good for you,” That’s not a reaction you were expecting from anti-pairs-skating Jungkook. Then again, you know him well enough to know that he’s probably keeping his true opinion to himself.

“The receptionist gave this to me,” You pull the paper out of your purse and show it to him, “I think it has additional information.”

“Let me see,” You hand it to him, “hm, soul-gazing? What the hell is that...” He reads over the description and it makes him giggle. “Nonverbal communication between lovers, allows couples to explore intimate places in the relationship. We do this already, but it’s a little more than eye contact,” He recalls those dreamy moments that he used to share with you so often, gazing at you with a smile.

“We can try that later maybe,” You avoid his smile with a glance out the window.

“Okay. So, about the session today, I hope you understood where I was coming from...I didn’t expect to say all that, I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Don’t apologize, I wanted to hear how you felt.”

“I’m sorry,” He extends a hand out on the table, hoping you’ll take it, “I’ve thought about what I’ve done and I’ve tried to repent for it. But at the end of the day, it’s up to you. But just tell this once, you miss us, don’t you?”

“I do, Jungkook...It’s just, I’m in a tough spot and I don’t- I don’t want to disappoint anyone or myself.”

“You’re talking about your friends or your family?” He frowns at the thought of either party trying to discourage you.

“My family doesn’t know anything about this, it’s my friends who are concerned for me. They saw me get hurt and they don’t want to see it happen again, they want me to be happy.”

“Don’t listen to them, all they do is talk shit about me and try to tell you what you need. The only people who have a say in this relationship is you and me. We choose what makes us happy, not them.”

“But I’m not happy,” And it doesn’t change the fact that you’re still being judged, “I’ve actually been depressed when I think about us, when I think about what we used to have and what we have now, how did this happen?”

“I’m sorry I did this to you,” He sighs when you finally reach out to take his hand, “I never mean to hurt you,”

“I want you back so bad sometimes,” You break, letting your true feelings out to him, “but just because I want it doesn’t mean I should, it’s always been hard for me to separate the two.”

“That never stopped you before,” He flashes that smile, the one you fell so hard for on the roof of his car.

“Now look where I’m at,” You take your hand back, “going to therapy with you.”

Jungkook took you home and sunset had passed, it was already dark. You found yourself inviting him in, hugging him longer than you should have when he was on his way out. Why were you holding on to him so tight? His bomber jacket lands on the floor and you relish in his arms, you haven’t felt like this in a long time. Maybe it won’t hurt to let him in, indulge. It doesn’t take long before you let him kiss you for the first time in weeks. It feels new, it can happen a thousand times and it’ll always feel new.

But then your phone begins to ring and reality washes over you like a cold shower.

“Wait,” You pull away from the kiss and slide off of the counter to his dismay, “I need to get that-”

“Ignore it,” Jungkook cups your jaw, trying to persuade you with longing eyes, “please ignore it-”

“I can’t, it’s my mom, something might be wrong,” You quickly answer the phone and walk into the living room. “Hello?”

“Where are you?”

“I’m at home, is something wrong?”

“You forgot, didn’t you? Your brother Leo, you were supposed to pick him up so he could stay with you for the night. me and your dad had to take Milo to his Taekwondo tournament for the weekend.” Your mother stresses over the phone.

“I’m so sorry! Mom, seriously, I totally forgot,” This is the worst possible timing, “doesn’t Leo have his license, he can drive here, can’t he?”

“We have the car. Don’t worry about it, it’s handled now, his friend came by and he’s staying with him.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t know how that crossed my mind,” You can’t help but feel as if you’ve disappointed her by forgetting such a simple thing, “I’ve been busy, I’m prepping for the next season, I’m working and in school, it’s a lot right now-”

The conversation ends with a cold lecture from her and a solemn goodbye when she hangs up. You massage your temples, and look at Jungkook who’s coping with the best part of his day being ruined by a phone call.

“Everything okay?”

“I forgot to pick up my brother, my mom asked if he could crash here but I forgot all about it..”

“When have any of your siblings actually visited you? Except for your sister when she needs a babysitter.” Jungkook always sports a defensive tone when your family comes into the conversation.

“He’s only come over a few times. But he has friends who live over here so that’s normally why,” You take a deep breath. “She sounded frustrated so I know she’s upset.”

”Don’t stress about that,” He comes in close, wrapping his arms around your waist. “your mom shouldn’t beat you up about that, especially since she knows how much you have on your plate.” He smooths down your hair and kisses your forehead gently. That innocent forehead kiss quickly migrated down to your neck and you bite your tongue.

”Jungkook, please,” You get out of his embrace and leave him longing.

"Why do you keep pushing me away? I know you, this isn’t like you. You push me away but never for this long,” He follows you to your bedroom where you kick off your shoes and take off you cardigan. ”If you’re serious about making this work again, you’ve gotta help me out a little here.”

You feel him looming behind you, so close that you feel the warmth of him on your lower-back, or is that his hand?

“You’re here, aren’t you? I’m being really nice right now,” You step away from him, “but you need to stop.”

“Stop what?” He feigns ignorance.

“If that’s what you were hoping for you should just go,” You pick up his jacket and hand it to him, “it’s not happening.”

“Ok, but do you mind if I stay the night?”

You stare at him in disbelief for a moment, debating whether or not that’s a good idea.

“Why? It’s not even that late yet.”

“I don’t want to make the drive home, I’ll leave first thing in the morning.” He pleads, those big round eyes helping his case immensely.

“Fine. But you’re on the couch,” He looks a bit disappointed but he was expecting that, “I’m gonna shower, you can wait for me or use the guest bathroom if you want.”

With that, you walk off into your bedroom to get your clothes and then into the bathroom in the hall. Though you hesitated to let him stay, it’s really not a big deal now that you think of it. He’s stayed over more times than you can count so you feel no need to punish him by saying no.

Baby steps.

Jungkook falls into the couch, relieved and anxious—but mostly relieved. He was sure you were going to throw him out. When he hears the shower turn on, he begins to wonder what you might be thinking about, do you want him the way he wants you right now? If so, you’re hiding it pretty well. Just being in your home makes him feel comfortable and happy, that and your presence. You’ll be a while in the shower so he figures a few moments of relaxation on the balcony won’t hurt.

When you step out of the steamy bathroom, you hug your robe tightly to your body. Curious to see what he’s doing you peek out of the hall and see him on the balcony, shirt nowhere to be seen and smoke wafting from the little stick in his finger. Jungkook has always been a temptation, a forbidden fruit so to speak. You had one bite, and that’s all it took.

It’s a warm night, that’s probably why he’s showing all of the neighbors his tattooed glory, you giggle to your self at the thought. You run to your room to slip a t-shirt and shorts on so you can join him, you can indulge him in conversation at least.

“Hey, I was going to get a snack,” You open the sliding door and he looks back at you as he exhales a a cloud, “are you hungry?”

“I’m okay,” He puts it out in the ashtray, “thanks,”

“You didn’t have to put it out for me,” You step onto the patio and close the door behind you.

“I was done anyway,” He says that but he clearly wasn’t, he’s just being sweet, “how was your shower?”

“Good,” You sit beside him, “you can go ahead and shower if you want to, you know where your clothes are.”

“I will in a minute,” He looks out, enjoying the view of the city, “it’s beautiful out here...”

“Yeah,” You smile, reminiscing on the many moments you two have shared together on the balcony.

“So,” Jungkook sighs, probably reminiscing on the same thing, “do you want to do that exercise?...”

“Exercise?- Oh, the eye-contact thing, we can...” You turn to him and he does the same, “so, do we-”

“Shh,” He holds a finger to his lips, “we’re not supposed to talk,”

You swallow, eyes locked on his and his on yours. His eyes are so dreamy and mesmerizing, they always have been. This eye-contact is giving you a great excuse to analyze his face. The little mole under his lip, his cute nose and cheeks—you’re trying not to look at his body but it’s hard to do that right now.

He’s doing the same thing to you. Your eyes, nose, lips, he’s just taking it all in as if your a sculpture at a museum. Looking at each other like this reminds you both to see each other, to really see the human you both decided to love.

“Jungkook,” You know you’re not supposed to talk, “don’t cry...” You thumb the tears away from his cheeks, your motherly habits kicking in.

“Shit,” He wipes his cheeks, “I don’t know why I’m crying, I just-...I really love you, like, just staring at you really fucks me up.” He’s so emotional, it’s more endearing than anything.

You cup his jaw and kiss the apple of his cheek, then his lips. His hands are almost shaky when he reaches up to hold your face, you lead his hand to your face to let him know that you don’t mind.

“I love you too,” You breath, your head in the nape of his neck, “but I can’t do this, I shouldn’t...”

Once you realize you’re no longer in your own chair but in his, it’s too late to pretend you’re not equally as desperate. It escalates and the best and worst happens.

#quarters #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook smut #jungkook x you #jungkook x y/n #bts angst #bts smut #bts fluff #bts x you #jimin angst #jimin fluff #jungkook boxer!au #jungkook au #jungkook ice skatin #I don't know what this ending is lol

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