#it took me like 20 minutes to log in too because i couldn’t remember my @ only because it’s the stupid random default one

[quinitail]

just tried log into my twitter account to start posting my art there again and apparently i’m suspended lol???

i’m submitting one appeal because i’m pretty sure it was suspended for not being an active account- but it’s such a shitty platform that they better fix this first try or i’m just gonna give up on it altogether

[dumdumsun]

Of Starlight

A/N: The last two chapters of this story (19 and 20) are currently being written y’all. I wrote this book faster than I thought I would...

Warnings: mentions of violence, blood, death/dying, sexual assault

Word Count: 2176

————————————

Chapter 4: Moved On, Too

“Okay, but just so we’re clear on the finer details,” Klaus started as he and Five exited the latter’s room, gaining the attention of (Y/N), who was in her own bedroom. “I just gotta go into this place and pretend to be your dear old dad, correct?”

“Yeah. Something like that.” Five answered as (Y/N) joined them in the hallway.

“What’s our cover story?” Klaus questioned, looking between the two teenagers. Five furrowed his brows and shook his head a little in confusion.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“I mean, was I really young when I had you? Like, sixteen? Like, young and…,” Klaus dramatically placed his hands over his chest. “terribly misguided?”

“Sure.”

“Your mother, that slut. Whoever she was. We met at…” He trailed off in thought. (Y/N) thought to humor them a little.

“The disco?”

“The disco! That’s, good, (Y/N)! Okay? Remember that,” He excitedly agreed, Five muttering a ‘you’re unbelievable’ to the girl as Klaus continued on with his story. “Oh, my god, the sex was amaaaazing.”

“What a disturbing glimpse into that thing you call a brain.” Five began walking away. (Y/N) followed him as Klaus stayed back in thought.

“Wait, what about (Y/N)?” He asked, the two turning back to him. “Who is she gonna be?”

“She’s my friend.” Five plainly answered, Klaus gasping.

“Or girlfriend.”

“No.”

“Oh, you two don’t have to kiss! We gotta sell it and you two have way too much chemistry to be just friends.” He pointed between the two, (Y/N) and Five rolling their eyes in irritation. She’d be lying if she said she disagreed, and it wouldn’t have bothered her to pretend to be Five’s girlfriend, but she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Especially not now.

Huffing, Five looked to his brother again. “If I say yes, will you shut up and come on?”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At Meritech Prosthetics, the three Hargreeves were sat in front of the executive’s desk. Well, (Y/N) and Klaus were sitting, Five was standing in between them, his jaw severely clenched as he listened to the man speak, “Like I said to your son and his girlfriend earlier, any information about the prosthetics we build is strictly confidential. Without the client’s consent, I simply can’t help you.”

“Well, we can’t get consent if you don’t give us a name.” Five grit his teeth as he leaned forward.

“Well, that’s not my problem. Sorry. Now, there’s really nothing more I can do, so-”

“And what about my consent?” Klaus suddenly spoke up, the three turning to him with furrowed brows.

“Excuse me?” The executive questioned.

“Who gave you permission… to lay your hands… on my son?” He took a shaky breath and pointed at Five. Both the executive and the boy let out a ‘what?’. “You heard me.”

“I didn’t touch your son.”

“Oh, really?” Klaus stood up from his chair, and (Y/N) knew what he was going to do next was not going to be good. “Well, then how did he get that swollen lip, then?”

“He doesn’t have a swollen-” The man was cut off when Klaus struck Five in the mouth. The boy grunted on impact and (Y/N) quickly stood, in total shock. Did Klaus really just hit his brother across the face? The Seance turned to the man and leaned forward against the desk.

“I want it. Name, please. Now.”

“You’re crazy.” The executive pointed up at him, receiving a chuckle in response. (Y/N) went to Five’s side and silently checked his lip. It wasn’t bleeding too bad, but he definitely had a mark from it. He gently placed a hand on her wrist to let her know that he was fine.

“You got no idea,” Klaus then picked up a snowglobe that was sitting on the desk and smiled at it. “‘Peace on Earth’. That’s so sweet.” He remarked before smashing his head through it. Everyone jumped as glass shattered and fell from his bleeding head, a piece getting stuck in a strand of his hair. “God, that hurt!” He groaned.

The man quickly picked up the phone. “I’m calling secur- What are you doing?!” He exclaimed as Klaus snatched the phone from him and held it up to his ear, a gasp leaving his lips.

“There’s been an assault… in Mr Big’s office, and we need security, now. Schnell!” As he hung up the phone, the man could only stare up at him in fear. Klaus sighed and seemingly shook off the pain in his head. “Now, here’s what’s gonna happen, Grant.”

“It’s… Lance-”

“In about sixty seconds, two security guards are gonna burst through that door, and they’re gonna see a whole lot of blood, and they’re gonna wonder ‘what the hell happened?’,” (Y/N) glanced over at Five who, despite his bleeding lip, was smirking at Lance. “And we’re gonna tell them that you… beat the shit out of us,” And just when they thought he was done, he quickly grabbed (Y/N) by her wrist and yanked her to his side. “And that you inappropriately touched my son’s girlfriend.”

“What?!” Lance and (Y/N) exclaimed. Klaus gently pushed her behind him and patted her head.

“It’s alright, sweetie, you can say it…” He gently spoke. It was silent for a minute and Lance was frantically glancing between her and Klaus. Eventually, she cleared her throat.

“I-I told him to stop.”

“Oh… You’re gonna do great in prison, Grant. Trust me, I’ve been there. Little piece of chicken like you. Oh, my god, you’re gonna get passed around like a…,” Klaus circled his hips. “You’re just- You’re gonna do great. That’s all I’m saying.”

“Jesus, you are a real sick bastard.” Lance shakily spoke as he looked around at the three. Klaus simply nodded at him.

“Thank you.” He whispered, spitting a glass shard out of his mouth.

It was safe to say that Lance was convinced to give them the information they needed. He led them to a desk and started going through a drawer, occasionally glancing up at Klaus, who was sitting on the desk and sweetly smiling at him. (Y/N) was sitting on the desk on the other side as Five simply sat in a chair in front of him. Finding the folder he needed, Lance started looking through it. “Oh, that’s strange.”

“What?” Five frowned.

“Uh, the eye. It hasn’t been purchased by a client yet.” The executive explained as Klaus hopped off the desk and got in his personal space.

“What? What do you mean?”

“Well, uh, our logs say that the eye with that serial number…,” He trailed off and was clearly uncomfortable by Klaus stalking behind him. Lance frowned as he scanned the information. “This can’t be right. It hasn’t even been manufactured yet. Where did you get that eye?”

Five sighed and locked eyes with (Y/N), whose were staring back in concern.

As the three walked out of the lab, Five and Klaus started to get into an argument about why the eye was important, but (Y/N) couldn’t have been bothered to listen at the moment. She was wondering how Michael and Jada were doing. Have they eaten yet? Of course, they have. Mom’s taking good care of them. Well, what about Michael? Is he getting homework done? I really hope he isn’t slacking off...

She stopped when she noticed Klaus and Five weren’t walking with her anymore. She turned to see them on the stairs in front of the lab.

“Hey, you know, I’ve just realized why you’re so uptight,” Klaus gestured towards his crotch. “You must be horny as hell!” He laughed. (Y/N) contemplated whether or not she really wanted to listen to this, but joined them anyway. “All those years by yourself. It’s gotta screw with your head, being alone.”

“Well…,” Five started quietly. “I wasn’t alone.” This caught both their attention. Klaus raised a brow.

“Oh? Pray tell.”

“Her name was Delores,” He told after a second of silence. “We were together for over thirty years.”

“Whatever happened to the clone I sent after you?” (Y/N) questioned. “Did it get left behind before you jumped? I told it to look after you.”

“Must’ve left it in 2002… It was just me and Delores throughout the apocalypse.”

Delores. That name again… sounded so familiar. (Y/N) was honestly very happy for Five. Happy that he wasn’t alone, happy that he’d moved on from whatever they had as kids. She’d done it, after all. So, she couldn’t have asked him to not do the same. Though, she couldn’t help the pit that formed in her stomach at the thought of it. She snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Klaus yelling about his money. Only then did she notice that Five had left in a cab. (Y/N) rolled her eyes and took her wallet out of her jacket pocket, handing a twenty to her brother.

“Buy yourself something pretty.”

“You are a saint, sister dear.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Returning to the Academy, (Y/N) found Allison in one of the upstairs rooms, sitting on the windowsill and smoking a cigarette. She tilted her head with a smile before silently walking up to her. “Hey, Ally.”

“Oh, shit,” Allison jumped and turned to her sister. “Jesus, (Y/N), you can’t do that.”

“May I?” She held her hand out for the cig, Allison raising a brow before handing it over. She watched her sister take a long drag as she sat beside her on the windowsill. (Y/N) raised a brow at her. “What?” She exhaled the smoke.

“Nothing… It’s just that… I thought you were trying to quit.”

“Yeah, Anthony would’ve wanted me to… but I really need it right now,” She heavily sighed before staring up at the night sky. “I miss my babies…”

“That makes two of us,” Allison shook her head and took back the cigarette once it was handed back to her. “God, what I would give to know how she’s doing…”

“Why don’t you call?”

“Because Patrick is being a grade A asshole… He wouldn’t let me speak to her.”

“What an ass,” (Y/N) shook her head. “If Anthony and I had ever split up, I would’ve never kept the kids from him… What’d you ever seen in him?”

“I don’t know…,” Allison leaned her head back, eyes sliding to her sister. “Speaking of rocky relationships… What’s going on with you and Five?” Her question made (Y/N) quickly sit up. “Oh, come on, you two were smitten when we were kids! Everyone knew it.”

(Y/N) shook her head and plucked the white stick out of Allison’s hand. “We’re not starting with this, Ally. Nothing is going on. We’ve both moved on from that shit.”

“That shit? That ‘shit’ was love and it’s still there. Neither of you truly moved on.”

“Well, Five definitely did. Told me about a woman he was with for years. Delores…”

“Oh, Delores… You think she’s cute?” Allison teased, receiving a shove. She laughed and shoved (Y/N) back. “I’m being serious!”

“You know she is, Five wouldn’t go with some hag, even if she was the last woman on Earth… Probably a babe, even at fifty-eight…”

“You sound… so jealous right now.” There was a long silence between the two, Allison waiting patiently for her sister to respond, but she laughed at what she said next,

“Piss off, Allison.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The wind howled as Five spun his body around, still taking in what was left around him. Right by his side was (Y/N)’s clone, seemingly observing the current state he was in. Its eyes moved all around his face, then to his current line of vision. A single hand stuck out of the debris not too far away from him, holding what looked to be a bloody eyeball. Quickly moving forward, Five bent down and pried it out of the dead hand and wiped off the blood before looking to who the hand belonged to. His stomach dropped when he got his answer.

Luther -- or who he assumed was Luther, older and dead, crushed under rubble. Moving around the area, he found Allison, Diego and Klaus in the same state. All older, all buried under remains, and all dead. He had been staring at Klaus’s lifeless body when he heard rustling from a little ways away. Turning in the direction, he saw the clone moving some bricks around. Five made his way over to it, and what he saw made him collapse to his knees immediately.

There was (Y/N). His (Y/N). Bleeding from her mouth due to the rubble that was once crushing her, now moved away by her own clone. She was the same age as their siblings, the light from her (e/c) eyes slowly draining as her fingers slightly twitched. Right as Five went to hold her hand, her body gave one last twitch before going completely still, her eyes devoid of any light they’ve ever had.

————————————

Taglist: @melinda-hargreeves @43sparrows @sapphicsyn @m00n-sh @starcurrent @alexander-hamilhoe @youcandalekmyballs @wonderlandfandomkingdom

[lunasealy]

AkiKoha cupcakes day

Fandom: Project Sekai Colorful Stage!

Ship: AkiKoha - Shinonome Akito x Azusawa Kohane

Characters: Azusawa Kohane, Shinonome Akito, Aoyagi Touya, Shiraishi An

Language: English

Words: 1.596

Ena’s birthday was coming closer and for this time Akito decided to be a good brother and not only give her a present, but also to make something to eat. One time while coming home he noticed a cute bakery that made colourful cupcakes, they also had cute decoration and they seemed perfect for Ena.

Akito wasn’t really experienced with baking but he was always ready for a challenge so after finding a good recipe and the ingredients, he asked An if they could borrow the kitchen of her father’s shop when it was closed and fortunately they got the permission.

“Perfect now we start! But why you’re the only one here?” Akito was kind of surprised to see just Kohane there with him “An is with Aoyagi-kun in the other room. Her father left us the kitchen in exchange of them re-organizing some old vinyls… An said that since Aoyagi-kun seems so serious he would be more of help to her, while I would be more helpful to you in the kitchen. I’m sorry if you’re uncomfortable Shinonome-kun…”

“Ah, I kinda lost that part… I’m not uncomfortable, sorry for giving that impression. Did you bake before?”

“Some cakes with my mum, nothing too difficult… But I’m sure that we will be able to make great cupcakes for your sister!”

“Not just ‘great’. They will be ‘perfect’!” he said that with a bit too much seriously, noticing how Kohane seemed a bit worried he smiled a bit “Don’t make that face, I don’t want to pressure you. So… We gotta start from the base, right?”

“Yes… I think we have to start with the eggs and sugar, right?”

“Exactly, let’s put everything in this bowl and then… Can you pass me the electric whisk?” he asked while opening one by one the eggs.

“Here it is. I’ll start to weight the flour…” Kohane didn’t want to make any mistake so she carefully put the flour on the kitchen scale with a spoon, it had to be perfect!

After they carefully put everything into the bowl the base for the cupcakes started to have the perfect texture, Kohane took out the stamps for muffins and Akito tried his best to put the right amount of paste into each stamp, then they put the whole baking tray into the oven.

“Now we gotta wait for 20 minutes, right? Maybe we can start with the butter cream.” said Akito looking right into the oven because he wanted to be sure that the cupcakes grew.

“Yes, I think it’s a good idea! Maybe while you do the syrup I’ll start with the butter and sugar?” asked Kohane taking the electric whisk to get started.

“Yes, I don’t want you to get burned so I’ll do the syrup. Here’s the butter and the sugar… This bowl should be big enough.”

“Thank you Shinonome-kun. Now…” Kohane tried to start slowly since she didn’t want to make a disaster, she thought the butter was warm enough so she raised the speed a bit “What…? Ah, okay okay, maybe it was too much!”

“What’s… Ahahah.” Akito couldn’t help but laugh seeing the poor Kohane with some butter on her face.

“Ugh, I think the speed was still a bit too high…”

“I’m almost finished with the syrup, you want some help?”

“No, no, I’m fine Shinonome-kun! I want to be of help!”

“Okay then… But first maybe clean yourself.” Akito leaned in with a tissue and brushed the top of her nose.

“Ah… I… Didn’t notice, thank you, Shinonome-kun.” Kohane was a bit flustered and to her credit Akito regretted what he did a second later because he could feel his cheeks getting red too.

“You’re welcome… I’ll go look at the syrup, I think it’s almost ready.”

“Yes, we have to be careful…!”

They both returned to work and then while Akito was pouring the syrup in the bowl Kohane mashed everything with the electric whisk until the texture was smooth enough.

The timer of the oven went off too and the base of the cupcakes was ready: time to decorate!

“So, we probably should start dividing the butter cream into section to use the colouring, where do you want to start?” asked Kohane ready to get more bowls.

“I think we could make it in 3 sections: pink, blue and yellow. Pink for the bunnies, blue for the cats and yellow for the chicks.” Akito was looking at his phone to see any examples of how do do that “Then for the ears and faces we could use those small candies, right?”

“Yes, I think it’s a good idea! I’ll start pouring the colouring then!”

“Thanks, if it’s not a bother can you also do the decorations with the candies? Your hands are smaller than mine and you seem more delicate… I think you would do a better job. I will do the work with the sac à poche.”

“No bother at all! I’ll do my best to make them the cutest bunnies, cats and chicks!”

Akito smiled while looking at her, she was so determinate to make a good job even though it was just a small present for someone she didn’t even know. He couldn’t make a mistake after all the effort Kohane put, so after the butter cream was ready he started the work with the sac à poche and later he just went on the side to let Kohane do her work with the candies. She was so serious and concentrated, Akito didn’t even notice how much he was enchanted until he heard “Finish!” and he somehow returned to his normal self.

“Wow… They’re relly cute! Kohane your hands are really magical.”

“Thank you Shinonome-kun… I’m glad you like them.” to say that she was smiling brighter than a star it was an understatement, she was so happy that Akito liked the result!

“How about we try one? Then we take one for An and Touya too.”

“Yes, I think the cat would be perfect for Aoyagi-kun…”

“The bunny is perfect for you. We’ll do that.” Akito took one ready to cut it in half “Ugh, I was too rough… I hope the cream will not fall, take it fast.”

“Yes! Let’s try…”

They gave a bite and in chorus said “Delicious!!”

“Yes, that’s how I wanted them! Ena will be happy.” said Akito with a big smile.

“I’m happy that the result was perfect as we said! Ah, Shinonome-kun, this time you’re the one that is dirty. Take a tissue.” she gave him one but was a bit confused at his face “There’s something wrong?”

“Kohane… You’re also dirty again on your nose!”

“What? I can’t believe I’m so clumsy…!”

Akito again cleaned her nose, this time also laughing a bit “There, it’s okay now! Thank you for the help, Kohane.”

“Thank you too, Shinonome-kun. I’m happy that I was able to help you, I hope your sister will also like the cupcakes.”

“She better do or I’ll eat them all!”

They both laughed at that sentence and then started to clean the kitchen as well since they were finished, on contrast An and Touya were still busy.

“How is it possible you’re not finished?” asked Akito a bit surprised.

“Ugh, there’s so much dust! But wait, you left some cupcakes for us?!” An hugged Kohane right away “How sweet of you!! I’ll take the chick, I feel kinda bad to eat it because it’s so cute!”

“They really are cute… I think your sister will like them. Thank you for leaving one for me too.” said Touya grabbing the cat one.ù

“They’re also super tasty! My Kohane can do really anything, right?”

“I didn’t do everything, I was just helping Shinonome-kun!”

“Exactly, just admit you like something I cooked, it’s easy!” Akito had a smug smile on his face, knowing that she would’ve never admitted that.

“No way! I’m sure it’s all thanks to Kohane’s influence that I like them. Now, can you guys also help us?? Pretty please??”

“I guess I have no choice since you left me the kitchen… Come on, let’s go back to work.” Akito sat down and for another 2 hours they were busy organizing the vinyls, An’s dad had a really big collection!

That evening Akito gave Ena her present and the cupcakes, fortunately she loved them and when he logged into Instagram that night he saw her stories with the cute cupcakes and also a post on her profile. Maybe despite her grumpy face she actually liked them but was too difficult to admit that.

Not that he was that different from her, before sleeping he messaged with Kohane to thank her again for the help and he couldn’t help but remember how passionate she was with the decorations, but also a bit clumsy with the electric whips.

“Kohane… Is kinda cute…” he whispered by himself but when he realized what he said he just decided to put the phone away and throw his face on the pillow, what the hell he was saying?!

The phone made sound and he rolled over to look at the message.

“Then today will finish with a happy ending^^ I’ll see you tomorrow, good night Shinonome-kun!”

“…” He felt really stupid for taking that much time to reply with a simple “Good night, Kohane.” and while he was sure to have sweet dreams, he wasn’t so sure about how he felt with having that much Kohane on his mind, or maybe he knew since he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

Notes

Another small scene I had in mind after I read a quote from a yume account on Twitter:  “Imagine decorating cupcakes with your comfort character”. Idk I felt like it was a cute idea for them, probably they’re a bit ooc but tbh sometimes I like to write just for my own and this is the case.

[synoxshots]

The Master KOTFE Adventure

My latest project has been playing through KotFE on master mode.

Why ever would you want to do that? you may ask, and I have asked myself the same thing. In short, it was a mix of having a light sided empire toon that I didn't want the autocompletes on, and the fact that he is also the best geared character I've ever had and the discipline I've had most experience playing. And I've run through KotFE quite a few times so, freshening it up I guess? 

So this is how it went. This isn't a guide - more, a record of my experiences as I went through. As ever, some things I found easy others might find hard, and (more likely, lbr) vice versa. 

The gamer:

I play a Rage Jugg, wear Descent of the Fearless set, gear level 306 with a full set of 286 augments. So - very well geared, but not fully optimised stats wise. Experience wise for this - I'd done a few chapters on vet mode before with a Guardian (Focus) and Powertech (Pyrotech) though not always at max gear (probably in the 290s when I first gave it a go), and I like trying to solo group content like vet fps (master for Red Reaper only) because I don't love myself, I guess. A smidge of ops experience. I'm reasonably competent as a player but also prone to stupid, I don't claim to be great by any means.

Chapter I

All went smoothly, died on the last fight against the BD-148 elite skytrooper - but that was just because I forgot about heroic moments existing, given that half the chapter is spent without a companion. Used my enraged defence a few times but never really felt at risk of dying. Apart from the one time when I did, obviously. Marr goes up to 28 influence automatically. Lots of mobs can be skipped as they're already engaged in fights.

Chapter II

Quite a few mobs you can skip around. Valkorion heals you though he's not a companion so no heroic moment. Last monolith did get me close to death sometimes, so there was a bit of running away so I could heal up a bit more, and making good use of defensive abilities. But no deaths on this one!

Chapter III

I died twice on this one, both were easily preventable. The first was against the Ground Assault Walker (massive droid before the bridge) and pretty much because I hadn't raised Lana's influence yet, so I upped it to 20 before starting the fight again and cleared it very quickly. Sidenote: a while back I bought a bunch of Spiced Aric Tongue from the Jawa scrap peddlers as I didn't know what else to do with all that, Lana accepts it so it's a nice quick way to up her level (Koth likes it too, a lot, which is handy). Second death was against like, a handful of skytroopers when I was shutting down the reactor and really it was mostly because I wasn't paying attention properly, though Lana died both times at this point. There's another fight where these prototype skytroopers keep swarming and I was a bit nervous because there were kolto stations there and I couldn't entirely remember how intense it got. The answer was...not intense at all and I definitely didn't need them. The final fight on this one is the two Zakuul knights but they didn't cause me any problems. All in all I'd say the deaths I've had so far have all been my own fault.

Chapter IV

This...did not go as well. And I'm not entirely sure why, just bad play on my part I think mostly, sometimes there are days when I just play like trash *shrug*. Not timing things like enraged defence, heroic moments and so on very well which meant I died a few times to wildlife - twice the larger bosses, twice mobs of normal/strong ones. Yeah... Kept upping my companion influence so all three (Lana, Koth and HK by this point) got up to 27 but I think even higher than that may be needed as they just didn't seem to be healing well. 

Chap V

I was a bit wary heading into this one, as it was one I'd run before on vet mode and remembered having trouble with the skytrooper waves. I was less geared then though, and had less companion influence doing that, having now taken everyone up to about 32. I didn't record any deaths on this though had a near miss - but I had saved my enraged defence/heroic moment and so on and hit them at the right time. Hey, I'm playing smarter! 

Chapter VI

I found this chapter easy when I'd run it on veteran not long before, but that was not the case on master. Died the first time against Oggo, that was my own fault though, although he does have one particular ability that hits very hard. Then came the Scions. Ohhh boy. The first two you face killed me, fair enough I hadn't had a chance to raise Senya's influence yet. The second two, Venat and Berusal, caused me pain. The good thing is that when fighting the pairs and you take one down, if you die the other doesn't respawn. The other good thing is that Venat and Berusal can be pulled separately, the bad news is I found this out after a few attempts. And Berusal still killed me on his own the first time. I was not having a fun time. And then you face Heskal without a companion. It takes a bit of tactics. I tried to damage him whilst he was doing Debris Storm, though still had to avoid the red circles. Turbulence gives a lot of damage, so had to hastily get out the way/interrupt it. He also stuns you which isn't fun. Valky pops up and offers you an out after the first phase, unfortunately I decided to stay true to character and not take it. Bad times were had. I went to lunch. I asked a friend to help. My internet got switched off before that could happen. I found out I was able to summon a companion...I know I'm not supposed to story wise, and I'm not sure if you can normally (there's a lot of times when companion summon buttons are greyed out due to story restrictions) or if this was only because I'd previously logged out...but suddenly the fight became a lot easier. Funny that. Sigh. Moving on...

Chapter VII

Honestly not much to say about this one, nothing that caused me trouble. A lot of it is in the open world so regular difficulty rather than scaled to master. 

Chapter VIII

This one wasn't much trouble either, did die once when stuff was on cooldown, once in the final Arcann fight. Kiting him over and hitting the conduits there is a big help as they stun him, that is probably very obvious but I've literally never bothered with them on story or vet mode. We're halfway there!

Chapter X

This one also gave me a Time. The problem I had was when you come up against Faedral and Zaamsk. My first thought was the difficulty was because I hadn't raised Kaliyo's influence (oops, but you get her on the spot and I didn't have gifts handy...or at least the ones I thought she liked she didn't actually) (this is how I found out that agent!Kaliyo and alliance!Kaliyo have different preferences, apparently this will also apply to other - but not all - returning companions). But I raised her to 28 and still kept dying. It's a bit of a nasty fight honestly, and the guide I looked at said that juggs...aren’t ideal for it. Crowd control and interrupts are very handy. I kept getting really close to getting one of them down and dying just before I could, super annoying because it's another of those where if you take one down and die, you only have to face the other one. I took a break and read the guide more closely, watched some videos, and ultimately just decided to bring someone along to avoid the pain, or maybe share in it. I still died but we got through them. The fight against Tayvor Slen, the boss fight of the chapter, took a couple of tries with two of us - the first time I got stuck in a red circle and pretty much insta-killed. There was a bit of a close call on the second attempt but it was under control really. The achievement then comes through for chapter completion, all you have to do then is get out of the Overwatch, all things rosy right? Oh how wrong they were. A bunch of Zakuul Knights came along and literally just slaughtered us, full on, one-shotting us both - it was hilarious and extremely confusing because why?? how?? Did the bonus mission to get the prisoners to escape (look out for the glowing terminal, it says 'Overwatch Prison Logs' when you hover over it) - they one-shot a few Knights but then disappeared on us too. Who knows. But we got through it.

Chapter XI

A much nicer one though still had a handful of deaths. Where you meet up with Havoc Squad there's ambush of Skytroopers, followed by a couple of walkers - and the walkers beat me. They cast circles that I just couldn't get out of in time to save my health, even with my defensives. I'm not sure if they were the type to follow you or a sort of stamp move (I should have looked at the cast bar, come to think of it) - I suspect though it was the latter and so it wouldn't be an issue on a ranged character. The fight though does continue around you if you die so you don't lose the progress you make, just use the med probe, revive and rejoin. I only took Jorgan to level 7 because that was all the gifts I had, but most of the mobs were just regular trash, typically 3 at a time, which was no worry. When you attack the base the Knights are a bit harder - there's one round the back that does stealth strikes and that's a difficult one to face. I died - the respawn to medbay actually puts you inside the part with the forcefield you're supposed to take down, and then you can't get out of it...I maintain that I did find a way past the forcefield but it doesn't work as a cheesing method. Use your med probe, otherwise it's quick travel out and re-enter your phase. The final battle is a big droid (I forgot the name of it). It spawns a bunch of smaller droids, just ignore those and go for the boss - I didn't the first time and that's why I died - I lost Jorgan, I had two Knights chasing me whilst the droid put up shields, it didn't go well - second time I did it in less than a minute whilst using a heroic moment.

Chapter XII

This one you don't have a companion for, though it's not a big deal - for the most part my main enemy, as tends to be the case on this chapter, was the map. I think the regular mobs are scaled down a bit for playing without a companion. You can pick up an animal to help you as well, which you may as well do as things just die quicker. It runs off in caves. Valkorion does take your health down a fair chunk before he gives you his beat down but it wasn't so bad. Vaylin though took quite a few attempts. You can't interrupt her so you have to be on the ball with your defensives and timing them all, which includes the shield and medpac given in your temporary bar for the chapter. Really the medpac isn't that effective so don't count on it. There's a lot of running around as she casts red circles. Probably easier with a character with more self heals. I got through it after a few efforts, after getting close a few times, though even then I was still low on health by the end.

Chapter XIII

Yeah, this one was no trouble really, and that was with Gault at only level 4 influence. If things get hairy whack a bit more on him, there's no real mechanics to pose problems. As ever, good practice to stay out of circles on the boss fight, you have Vette there as well so a bit of extra damage going and yeah. Nothing to worry about.

Chapter XIV

Another that was nice and simple, I didn't even have any gifts to give Torian so was wandering around with him on level 1. Just a matter of timing defensives and heroic moments in that case. Lots is open world, too. Final boss fight was no problem at all.

Chapter XV

Reading guides for this put the fear of god into me, so I was pleasantly surprised to find it better than expected. The bosses were the toughest parts. The first is the Skytrooper Constructor, that one does spawn adds after a while as well. It killed me a couple of times but really I'm not sure what the best strategy was so I just went for the classic, burn it as fast as I possibly can and making use of heroic moment/defensives as well. The GEMINI droid at the end had me worried. That took 3 attempts (maybe 4, I think it was just 3 though), one of those my heroic moment was still on cooldown and Senya died quickly on it too. It was really just about managing defensives effectively as well, running away when she has the red cone in front of you, using the heroic moment for extra speedy damage. It was a close call in the end but my enraged defence came off cooldown at the perfect moment, thank you Grit Teeth. I wouldn't say this was an easy chapter by any means so quite proud of myself for getting through it on my own! The other thing I would say is watch out for the lasers - they don't do lots of damage on story mode, but on master they one-shot you if you get caught in them! The other various traps I probably got through easier than I have on the lower difficulties which may just be a testament to this being like, my fifth complete kotfe run at this stage haha.

Chapter XVI

The final chapter...and the one I was the most scared of. Took Lana up to lvl 50 in preparation...she duly died early on in the first boss anyway. KJ-931 is the first boss - I say first boss, there's still a high rank enemy immediately before that I died to a few times anyway and needed a heroic moment to beat. First attempt against KJ I actually came really close. Stay out of the aoes - there's a white circle and a yellow cone, as well as a big red laser thing where you have to rush to the corner and if you can - micromanage Lana well enough that she doesn't get caught up in them too. So I learnt that I am not good at micromanaging companions like that. Take the turrets rather than the shields, definitely - apparently the shields also have limited use, the turrets pull aggro as well as giving you damage so they're very handy. Sometimes on this fight I got one-shotted very quickly, others I managed to hold on a bit - but it was the first attempt that was my best run until I actually did it. Honestly I can't say what the trick was to finally getting it right...just a lot of blind panic and luck. Second boss is Dara Nadal - I found it easier to just go for the intense burn on her - put down the turrets, use a heroic moment, set Lana to damage as well and burn. Still took a few attempts on her but each time I was getting very close so I knew I would get there.

And then came Arcann. Ooooh boy. I'd been reading guides and watching videos in preparation but there's still a lot to keep on top of. I decided to use the Marr & Satele Special Saber rather than my usual one - having the benefit of being able to run around quickly was handy, and the other ability reflects damage from his saber attack. This took many attempts - some that went very quickly, some that got him to his final phase. Rather than going into specifics I'm going to link to this video as it probably explains what to do best (it’s handy for all the bosses). You really have to watch for the moment he gets to ~25% and stands in one spot - if you aren't able to do the shield whacky he will kill you straight up. My first time running towards him with the shield in that very last phase I died on the way up. It took me a long time and a lot on repair bills but this is another one I was very proud of for getting through on my own as there were times I didn't think I would.

General stuff:

I would say doing this is not for the light-hearted but it’s certainly possible! Apart from one chapter where I grabbed a friend I got through them all on my own

Some classes fair better in certain chapters than others. I went with my Jugg all the way through, but if you have the characters geared and you know them well enough - and you're doing this for the cheevos rather than going through the storyline - you're likely better off mixing and matching as you go. There were many occasions I wished I had range.

You will die to trash mobs. It is a fact of life. It feels embarrassing in the early chapters, you come to accept this and move on.

Companion influence helps a lot. Koth, Lana, and Senya all like delicacies (especially Koth, that man can eat) - you can grab these from the Jawa vendors in the cartel bazaar on fleet.

Med droids are also a booming industry thanks to the amount I've spent on repairs in the course of this.

There are more mechanics compared to story mode, and some that exist in story mode that you just notice more on master. But apparently the difference between vet and master is just artificial - more health and hitting harder. 

Going Commando is another good resource for their experiences playing through.

[toomanystoriessolittletime]

Never mine

Summary: When you got a phone call in the middle of the night, asking you to assist in a interogation of a high level target you didn’t really think about it. Until you were there and saw just who you were there for.

Pairing: August Walker x unnamed OFC

Wordcount: 2.063

Warnings: a whole lotta angst

A/N: So this happens when I’m listening to too much Taylor Swift. Inspired by thy lyrics to “August” The lyrics I use are not mine but hers.

Taglist in reblog

Your phone rang in the middle of the night. That wasn’t something that happened very often. The CIA never really needed your help. So if they were calling now, something big must have happened.

Sighing you let yourself fall back into the soft covers of your bed. A car would be there to pick you up in 20 minutes to bring you to the airport, where a private jet would be flying you out to the CIA base. 

Apparently they had taken in a target they had been searching for in forever.

“Just make yourself comfortable and watch him. Tell me what you think. I don’t think he will talk, but maybe you can give us something.” Sloane said as she walked you into the room. You nodded at the two agents standing in front of the window, the interrogation room brightly lit behind it. 

“What did he do?” You asked, as you sat down.

“He tried to buy plutonium to do god knows what.”

“Wow…”

“He’s one of our own.”

“He’s a CIA Agent?” You asked surprised.

“He was one of the best we had.” Sloane signed, before she nodded and walked out of the room. Frowning you took out your tablet to log into the wifi, so you could make some notes and wait for the file to be send to you.

“So you’re the expert Sloane hasn’t shut up about all day?” A man asked. He was your age, short dark hair and green eyes, which seemed to undress you as he looked at you.

“I am.”

“And what is your expertise?” He asked with a grin. Internally sighing, you set your tablet down and now gave him his full attention.

“Agent…”

“Cross.” He answered.

“Agent Cross, I’m gonna save you some time here. I’m sure your wife wouldn’t be pleased to see that you have taken off your wedding ring.” You smiled a little. He frowned and pushed his hand into his pants pocket.

“I’m here to work, and work only. And as someone who dealt with men like you all her life, I would very much appreciate if you would let me do my work in peace.” You smiled at him. He slowly nodded, until he turned around and left the room. You saw the man across from you grinning to himself, giving you a thumbs up.

“They are bringing the suspect in in a couple minutes. Sloane told me to give you the room, so you can focus on doing your thing.” The man got up from his seat.

“Thank you Agent…”

“Bridges.”

“Thank you Agent Bridges.” You smiled and waited until he closed the door after him. It’s been a while since you’ve been brought in to help. Closing your eyes as you saw the door in the interrogation room open you calmed yourself. Breathing in deep you opened your eyes just to see the back of a tall man that was facing you. He had to be at least two heads taller than you. You could see that he was wearing dirty green clothes.

“Someone already in there?” He asked, motioning towards you behind the glass as he was sat down at the table. After he had been handcuffed to the chair the Agent in the room left.

Noticing the file being send to you, you opened it. That must have been who you were looking at.

Reading the name you frowned.

August Walker, born November 17th 1984.

Shaking your head you looked up as the man in the room turned his head towards you. You knew he couldn’t see you, yet he was looking directly at you. Swallowing you felt your chest tighten as you looked into his blue eyes.

He was older. Much older. Yet you felt yourself being transported back into the year 2004. When you were working at a coffee shop in Miami to earn some money for college. To the day you met August for the first time. To the day you fell head over heels for him. Knowing fully well that you would never have a future together. To the day he left you.

…. But I can see us lost in the memory

August slipped away into a moment in time….

Miami, Summer of 2004

It’s been another day of customers being rude to you, just because you were doing your job. Groaning you cleaned the coffee machine when the door of the shop opened. 

“We’re closed. Sorry.” You said, without turning around.

“Oh… Sorry.” A deep voice behind you said. Sighing you turned around. A boy, maybe a couple years older than you was standing at the counter. He was wearing dark swim shorts and a white shirt. His curly hair still wet. He had to come directly from the beach.

You felt yourself blush as you looked at him. He was incredibly handsome.

“Uhm… Maybe, if you don’t want a coffee, I could make an exception?” You grinned. He smiled back, his hand brushing a stray of his dark hair back.

“I just wanted a bottle of water.” He said, stepping closer. 

“Oh… Sure.” You turned around, opening the fridge to get a bottle of water out.

“That will be a dollar.” You said as you gave the bottle to him. His fingers brushed over yours as he took it.

He pulled a dollar out, sliding it over the counter.

“Okay. Can I be honest?” He asked before he was about to turn around.

“Sure.” You shrugged.

“I didn’t really need to buy water.” He said. “I’ve been in here before twice today but I never caught you alone. And I was wondering… Can I invite you for dinner?” He asked. 

Biting your lip, to stop you from grinning like an idiot you looked at him. His deep blue eyes watching you, and you noticed that there was a fleck of brown in one of them.

“Meet me at 7pm in front of the cafe tomorrow?” You finally said. He released a breath, smiling at you.

“I’ll be there.” He said.

He invited you to the beach on the day after your date. You so badly wished he would just kiss you. Looking at him as you were laying next to him, him on his chest, you wish you could be this happy for the rest of your life. He turned his head and looked up at you, a smile on his lips. 

Your back beneath the sun

Wishin' I could write my name on it

He kissed you goodbye when he brought you home that day. Your first kiss. You still remember how his lips felt on yours.

… And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

August sipped away like a bottle of wine…

That’s how you met August. The first love of your life. It may only have been only one summer, but yet you always found yourself thinking back to it. You had so many first with him. 

Looking at him now, you could still see the boy you fell in love with so long ago. Sure he was older, he somehow seemed bigger, yet his eyes... You still felt yourself get lost in them. Like in the morning after you woke up pressed against his chest, twisted together under your bed sheets, as he kept rubbing his finger down your nose to wake you.

'Cause you were never mine

The door opened again and two agents walked in, sitting down across from him. That gave you the chance to look down at his file. 

“What happened to you after you left me?” You asked quietly as you read. shaking your head you looked up as one of the Agents began to ask questions. Yet August eyes were set on you. As if he could see you.

'Cause you were never mine

Never mine

But do you remember?

Shaking your head you released a sigh. Pushing your thoughts to the side. You never thought you would see him again. You never wanted to see him again. Not after how he left you. 

Three hours later Sloane walked in.

“Anything you can give me?” She asked.

“Not really. He knows what he’s doing.” You sighed.

“You ready to get in there?” Sloane asked. 

“I need to tell you something first.”

Your palms were sweaty as you walked by Sloane’s side. You had told her everything. And now she was sure you were the only one who he would talk to. You wished you’d share her enthusiasm.

“You gonna be okay?” Sloane asked.

“No. But It*s not like you care.” You said quietly before you let her open the door for you.

He didn’t look up when you walked in. You had done hundreds of situations like this. But at the same time not one has been like this. You closed your eyes as you walked over to sit down in the seat across from him. He was still handcuffed to the table. You crossed your legs, your hands on top of the table and waited. Braced yourself to have his full attention.

You saw him shift, his head slowly pulling up until he was looking at you. The silence seemed to last forever. You could read the surprise in his face.

“What are you doing here?” He asked quietly.

“I’m the psychologist they brought in to talk to you.” You answered.

“So you finished college?”

“I did. Took me a little longer, but I think you probably knew that already.”

“I did.” He said.

Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car"

And then canceled my plans just in case you'd call?

“It’s been a while.” August breathed.

“Almost 16 years.” You helped.

“Did you….?”

“I did.”

“How is…”

“She. Her name is Julia. She turned 15 last month.” You said. 

He nodded.

“I’m not here to help you.” You said. “I didn’t even know who would be waiting for me here, when they picked me up this morning. But…” You shook your head, getting up from your seat.

“You knew that somewhere on this planet, you had a child, August. And yet you still chose your… beliefs over the security of your own child. Did you even think of her?”

“I…” 

“You know they can make you talk. You are good, but not as good as you think.” You leaned with your back at the wall as you looked at him. 

“You could have stayed all these years back. But looking at you now, I’m happy you didn’t.”

“You don’t know anything about me now.” Was all he said.

“That’s true.” You crossed your arms in front of your chest.

“But I do know, that you will never see the light of the day ever again.” You walked past him to the door.

“You know I loved you, right?” He asked, barely audible.

“Why did you leave me then?” You asked back.

“Because you deserved better…” Were the last words you heard of him, before the door opened and you stepped out.

Back when I was livin' for the hope of it all, for the hope of it all

It was late at night when you got back home.

“Wow Mom, you look like shit.” Your daughter grinned, yet hugging you closely.

“Why are you still up?” You asked with a smile as you looked at her. She had the same fleck of brown in her eye. Just like her father.

“Dad cooked. And by cooked I mean he almost burned the house down.” She whispered, as she walked arm in arm with you into the kitchen where indeed it looked like a bomb exploded.

“Where is your father anyway?” You asked.

“I’m here!” You felt a hand on your lower back as your husband came into the room, his arm on your waist, as he bend down to kiss you.

“How was your day?” He asked. You breathed in deep, shaking your head, mouthing later to him. He frowned but said nothing.

“I’m just glad I’m back home.” You said, your head resting on his shoulder, as you watched your daughter sneak some chocolate out of the fridge, handing it to you on her way out.

“Love you Mom.” She kissed your cheek.

“Good night.” You smiled.

“Are you okay?” Your husband asked.

“I am now.” You smiled as you got on your tiptoes to kiss him deeply. 

[irishseeeker]

                                              the story of us

summary:  Five times Kate Sheffield and Anthony Bridgeton were just friends and one time they were more.

--

chapter 1: if one thing had been different, would everything be different?

Kate Sheffield and Anthony Bridgerton meet at Oxford University.

They’re both studying law and business, and they’re in the same college of the many in their university. They have nearly identical schedules, which usually resulted in heated debates in most of their lectures. They’re partnered up for seminars for their first semester, which means an hour a week the two of them and a tutor spend an hour discussing readings, essays and of course, arguing further.

Oddly enough, after a month of arguing and bickering, they sort of become best friends.  

They lived in the same accommodation, a co-ed accommodation which Kate had thought was scandalous at first, but it ends up being amazing. They form a friend group in their course, and they all live together. It's sort of perfect, really. Kate had had friends in school, but she had never had a friendship group like this or a best friend like Anthony. For the first time, she felt like she truly belonged.

They still argued constantly, much to the amusement of their friends, but they also knew each other’s coffee orders and why he’s scared of bees and she’s scared of thunderstorms.

He’s the first boy-friend Kate has ever had, and she’s definitely his first platonic girl-friend as he seems to sleep with the rest of them.

They’re completely different, yet they understand each other. He’s a Bridgerton, an Oxford legacy with an actual title, and she’s a Sheffield from a small town in Somerset on a scholarship to Oxford. He went to Eton, she went to her local secondary school.

They spend their first year at university either in the library, in their rooms or drunk in a club or pub. Always together.

“So, you and Anthony,” Her friend, Anna, commented as they walked to class one chilly December day. Anthony was up ahead with some of the lads, the group of them laughing loudly and occasionally shoving each other. Kate had decided a while ago she would never fully understand the male species.

“Yes?” Kate asked, turning to raise an eyebrow at Anna. She knew what Anna was implying, it wasn’t the first time she had been asked about it and it was only December.

“You’re quite close,” She commented further, grinning at Kate as she opened up the Law building’s door.

“We’re good friends,” Kate shrugged, feeling her cheeks heat up. “That’s all.”

“The way he looks as you doesn’t seem that friendly to me,” said Anna, nudging Kate with her hip. Anna had long blonde hair, pale skin and a wide smile. She was also very petite. Kate was the opposite.

Kate was tall, around 5’10, which people oddly liked to to remind her about a lot. As if she wasn't aware of it. She was lucky she had never suffered from acne, bar the occasional stress spots, so her skin was clear and smooth. She had long, dark thick hair. It never stayed straight and was always knotted, so she usually just let it lie down her back. She had met the girls Anthony typically went for and she didn’t fit the picture.

Kate had long accepted that and wouldn't entertain the idea any further.

“He doesn’t look at me like anything,” Kate rolled her eyes, feeling her throat closing up slightly as they walked into their lecture hall and took a seat in the middle. “He saw me puke my guts out last week, so it’s fair to say he’s not looking at me like anything.”

She had gotten far too drunk on a night out last Thursday and she could still feel her hangover. It had been a particularly stressful day with a bad grade on an essay and a harsh feedback session from a tutor. She had embarrassingly burst into tears when Anthony had stopped by her room to go to dinner, and he held her as she cried and called their tutor a twat.

He then suggested they all go out. She had apparently danced on top of tables, attempted to take most of her clothes off (and was stopped from doing so) and then passed out. Anthony had carried her home. Not that she remembered anything, most of the night was a blur.

She was never drinking tequila again.

“He was the one holding your hair back,” Anna gave her a pointed look, raising her eyebrows. “I’m just saying, I think you two would be good together. Kate and Anthony has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

Before Kate could object, she felt someone appear sit down beside them. “Hey,” A voice appeared beside them and Kate nearly jumped, looking at Anthony. He was wearing a grey jumper and jeans, his nose red from the cold outside. “What are you talking about?”

“What we’re wearing to the Law ball,” Anna replied swiftly, and Kate let out a sigh of relief that her friend had stopped talking. The Law Ball was being held next weekend, just before the term ended for Christmas and all assignments were over.

“Oh,” Anthony said, taking out his laptop and logging into it. “Well, Kate, you should wear something that’s hard to get out of. I don’t think the law society will take kindly to one of its members stripping in the middle of the dancefloor.”

“Fuck off.” She elbowed him as Anna burst out laughing, and Anthony grins at her. She can’t help but laugh too even if she’s mortified.

After Christmas, when they’re back at university and exams are over, he teaches her how to drive. Mary, her step-mother and the only mother she’s ever had, never learned, and everything had been within walking distance back home. She had never had the chance to learn. She had got the train to university when she’d moved, and you walked everywhere. Anthony always had his car with him as he went home a lot to see his siblings and mother.

When he finds out she can’t drive, he insists on teaching her. “I’ve taught two of my siblings. Including Colin. If I can teach Colin, I can teach anyone.”

They’re about ten minutes into it before they start arguing.

Kate had never thought driving could be so stressful.

“Clutch!”

“I am clutching!” She shrieked, pushing the pedal forward as her ankles began to ache.

“Fuck me-brake, Kate!”

“Stop shouting at me!”

She pulls up the handbrake so hard she’s surprised she didn’t break it, and gets out of the car and refuses to get back in. They had gone to a retail park with a largely empty parking lot to practice in. He eventually convinces her to get back in the car, after apologizing numerous times, and he’s a lot nicer as she gets behind the wheel again.

Her birthday is in March, and he gets her driving lessons. They’re ridiculously expensive, and she initially refuses to accept them for a week. They argue about it, money has never been an object to him and it’s something she’s never had much of, so their perspectives are different.

She eventually accepts them and thanks him, after he insists for the twentieth time he didn’t mean it in any way other than to help her and so he would never have to teach her. She really wanted to be able to drive, to be able to afford a car eventually and drive home to Mary and Edwina more. She did warn him if he ever spent more than 20 pounds on her again, she’d murder him.

It’s the start of May when she passes her test, and he’s waiting for her outside the centre. He twirls her around as she runs towards him, shouting she’d passed, and they get McDonalds to celebrate. She thanks him for everything, and he shrugs it off because he’s Anthony. They do celebrate with their friends in the pub later that evening, and she gets very drunk, but their McDonalds that afternoon will hold a special place in her heart.

She’s beginning to think he always will, too.

Her dad’s memorial service is on a Sunday in June. It had been five years since he died, five years of missing him and him missing everything. Her graduating school, her getting into university, her first day at university. Kate planned to get the train back home for the day and get the last one back this evening. She had two exams on Friday and Saturday so she couldn’t have gone home earlier, and she couldn’t miss any of her tutorials or lectures tomorrow. A part of her was relieved, she didn’t want to stay at home. It was too sad and university was a good distraction.

It was far too early to be awake on a Sunday, it was 7am, but she had to be home before twelve for the service and the train was two hours.

Her phone buzzed, and she glanced at the whatsapp messages that appeared on her screen.

Anthony: i’m outside

Kate raised an eyebrow at the text, grabbing her bag and heading downstairs, outside their accommodation. She walked out onto the road, eventually spotting him. “Anthony?”

“Hey,” He said, smiling at her. He was leaning against his car, his hands in his pockets. “We better hit the road. We’ll need to stop at a Starbucks drive through as well, I need caffeine.”

Kate stared at him, unsure of what to say or what was going on. He had been the person she had mentioned it to out of their friends, that she wouldn’t be around on Sunday. “What do you mean? I’m going to my dad’s service.”

“I know Kate,” He said softly, opening the passenger side door for her. “I figured I’d drive you. I don’t want you to be alone, so I thought I’d come. I know how hard today can be, so,” He shuffled his feet awkwardly, clearly very uncomfortable. “If it’s okay, that is. If you don’t want me to come, I can go.”

She stared at him. “Oh Anthony,” She half sobbed, completely breaking down and throwing herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. It was probably the nicest thing someone had ever done for her. She hadn’t realized how much she had needed someone until she saw him in front of her. She squeezed him tightly, pushing the tears back that were brewing under her eyelids. “Thank you.”

She hadn’t had to ask, he was just there. That was Anthony Bridgerton.

“It’s okay,” He murmured, squeezing her back before she removed herself off him, half sniffling. Anthony had never handled emotional women well. “Let’s go? You have music privileges but if I hear one one direction song, they’re gone.”

“As if you don’t already know the lyrics and like them,” Kate teased, climbing into the car and putting on her seatbelt.

“I have three younger sisters,” He grumbled, flicking a glance at the rearview mirror as he pulled out onto the road. “Of course I know the lyrics.”

It’s a long and hard day, but she feels better when Mary, her stepmother, her mum, opens their front door and hugs her. Edwina squeals as she runs towards Kate, hugging her tightly.

“Hey guys,” Kate said, smiling as she stepped aside and gestured awkwardly to Anthony. “This is my friend from university, Anthony.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Anthony said, oddly formal as he extended his hand. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you. It’s a pleasure to meet you too,” Mary said, smiling at Anthony as she gestured to them to come inside. “Come in! We can have some tea and biscuits before we head off.” She shot Kate an amused smile behind Anthony’s back, who was being lead into the kitchen by a chattering Edwina.

Kate ignored Mary, because she knew that look and there was no look needed. There was nothing going on between her and Anthony.

The memorial is long, and quite sad. Anthony puts his arm around Kate at one point, when she can’t hold her tears, silently streaming down her cheeks. There’s a small lunch at the local pub afterwards, which Kate spends mostly talking to old friends of her fathers and familiar faces she hadn’t seen since she had left for university.

Kate takes Anthony on a walk down the pier, where she spent most of her childhood hanging out with her friends. “I had my first kiss there,” She pointed at the edge of the pier where there were a few steps that led to the sea. “I had my first drink there as well. I remember how disgusted I was about how disgusting beer was. All that hype for it to taste like piss.”

Anthony snorted, licking his lips as he tried to keep up with his melting ice cream. His face was a mess, a few sprinkles at the edge of his ice cream stained mouth. “Very romantic. So this is where the Kate Sheffield came to be?”

“It is indeed. Here,” She chuckled, stopping in her tracks as she reached up to wipe his white stained mouth softly. “You’re very messy.”

He was staring at her as she wiped his mouth, and her brain had only caught up with her actions a few moments later. She was touching his face, her hand on his cheek as she wiped his mouth.

His mouth.

His perfectly, slightly rose tinted lips.

“Oh my god! Kate!” Her old school friend, Ophelia Nixon, who had gone to university in Nottingham screeched as she ran up to Kate and hugged her. Kate introduced Anthony and they made polite conversation before Kate said they better head back as they had a long drive ahead of them.

The moment between her and Anthony had come and gone as quickly as it had happened. Neither of them acknowledged it.

Kate shook her head, thinking she was being ridiculous. There wasn’t a moment, of course there wasn’t.

Right?

“I like him,” Mary said later that evening, hugging Kate at the doorstep as her and Anthony were about to leave. Anthony had already said goodbye, and he was waiting in the car to give the Sheffields a private moment.

“I like him too,” Kate said, giving her mother a pointed look. “As a friend.”

“Of course dear,” Mary brushed Kate’s thick hair out of her eyes, winning at her. “It was lovely to see you, darling. Safe drive home. I love you a lot.”

“I love you too,” She hugged Mary one last time, before moving to hug her sister.

“I hate when you go,” Edwina murmured, wrapping her arms around her sister tightly. “You should bring back boys more. Especially ones who look like that.”

“Edwina!”

“What?” Her sister replied innocently, but she was smirking. “He definitely likes you.”

“I love you,” Kate said pointedly, ending the conversation as she pulled away from her sister. “I’ll call you both later.”

“Love you,” Edwina was laughing, waving in her and Anthony’s direction. “Bye Anthony!”

Anthony looked up and waved as Kate groaned, turning to give her a sister a murderous glare as she climbed into the car.

“You okay?” Anthony asked as Kate waved at her mother and sister’s fading figures as they drove off.

“Yeah,” She said, that feeling of sadness still aching slightly in the pit of her stomach. The years passed, and it got slightly easier, but it would always hurt. She smiled at him. “Thank you for today.”

“Of course,” said Anthony, returning her smile before focusing back on the road as they sat in a comfortable silence. Kate felt herself dozing off, the events of the day catching up on her, but as she fell asleep thinking about how much her dad would have liked Anthony.

Siena Rosso comes into the picture at the start of their second year. Kate doesn’t understand their relationship, if it even is a relationship, and deep down she knows she doesn’t want to understand. She prefers to not think about it, prefers to not think about that gut wrenching feeling in the pit of her stomach when she sees them together.

Besides, Siena is nice. She’s studying drama in the year below them. She’s witty, gorgeous, has no problem putting Anthony in his place and Kate understands why he likes her. She’s absolutely nothing like Kate.

Kate had never had much experience with boys, something she had long come to terms with in school and was once aware of again in university. It did happen, she had more opportunities in university-it just didn't happen a lot. Boys didn’t seem to gravitate towards her and she never got asked out on dates. It just wasn’t something that happened to her.

Edwina had even gotten a boyfriend long before Kate had.

She’s at a party one night in October, and Anthony isn’t there. Kate had been trying to make more of an effort with people outside of their friendship group and particularly people who weren’t Anthony. He had a life outside of her, and she would have one outside of him. She was invited by Poppy, a girl she had met in one of her history electives.

She gets paired up with Simon Basset for beer pong at the pre-drinks, and they were getting on very well. She didn’t know him at all, she only knew of him from Anthony. They had gone to Eton together, but Kate hadn’t met him until tonight. Anthony had been good friends with him for years, but hadn’t thought to introduce Kate or invite her whenever him and Simon met up.

“I’m Simon,” He introduced himself as grinned at her. “I really don’t like losing at beer pong.”

“Good thing I don’t lose,” Kate replied swiftly, smirking right back at him.

They walk to the club together and he gives her a piggyback when she complains her feet hurt. She puts up an instagram story of Simon and her winning beer pong and another of them smiling at the camera.

She ignores Anthony’s reply to her story, and she drinks more.

When she's on her third drink, Kate decides her and Simon were flirting. They were definitely flirting.

“What course did you say you were in again?” Simon shouts over the music, his hands lingering on her waist.

“Law,” Kate shouts back at him, leaning up slightly to speak in his ear.

“Ah! Do you know Anthony Bridgerton?”

"Yeah!" Kate tries to contain the grin that forms on her face the minute he's mentioned. "He's one of my best mates."

“Wait,” said Simon, the grin on his face completely disappearing. “You’re Kate?”

“Yeah,” She said, raising an eyebrow slightly at Simon's fallen face. “Has he mentioned me?”

“I can’t do it, I’m sorry,” Kate looks confused and Simon sighs, shaking his head. “I can’t do it to Anthony.”

“What? Can’t do what?” said Kate, raising an eyebrow. “Oh! No, no. We’re just friends!”

“I still can’t,” Simon insisted, actually taking a step back from her. Did Eton breed these boys to be so dramatic? “Believe me, I want to, but I can’t. Bro-code.”

“That’s ridiculous. Wait, did he say something to you?” Kate asked, raising an inquisitive eyebrow at him and feeling quite infuriated. Why couldn’t he do that to Anthony? Kate was his friend, not his sister. Not that it made a difference but to boys it clearly did. Kate didn’t know what category it fell into.

Simon just winked at her, “I better go before I do something I’ll regret but really won’t regret. I’ll see you around Kate,” Simon then literally ran away from Kate, and Kate was left standing there, gobsmacked.

“What just happened?” Poppy asked, walking up to Kate and following her gaze towards the back of Simon’s head, fading into the crowd.

Kate sighed, taking a long gulp of her vodka and cranberry. “I have absolutely no idea.”

The following day, Kate was feeling rather sorry for herself as she sat in the common room of their accommodation. She was incredibly hungover, exhausted and had sat through two lectures back to back that morning. She was meeting Anthony for lunch before she went to sleep for the rest of the day.

Anthony strode into the common room, a frown on his face as he sat down opposite her. "Were you with Simon Basset last night?”

“Wha?” Kate mumbled, her hangover pounding against her temple. “Hello to you too. Oh, yeah.” She would have rather forgotten about him, the guy who had rejected her in the middle of the club.

“And?” Anthony pressed, staring at Kate rather disgruntled.

Kate sat up, rather confused at his attitude. She was more than familiar with Anthony's moodiness, but this was slightly bizarre. He looked pissed. “And what?”

“Kate,” Anthony snapped, looking oddly serious as he pulled out his sandwich. “What do you think? Did you get with him?”

She didn’t care for his tone and she glared at him as she lifted her head. She ignored his question. “Did you say something to Simon Basset about me?”

Anthony gaped at her, his mouth hanging open with his half chewed lunch. “What?”

“Ew, shut your mouth you animal,” She scolded, making a face at him. “He mentioned you last night.”

Anthony put his sandwich down, looking at her seriously. “Did you get with him?”

Kate felt her cheeks heat up, forcing herself to look at him and scowl. “That’s none of your business!”

He was not pleased in the slightest. His tone was cold with a hint of irritation, lower than usual. “Kate.”

“Anthony.”

He leaned forward as he spoke, “Seriously, Kate.”

“Not that it has anything to do with you, but no, we didn’t!” She exclaimed, not understanding why he was acting quite hostile and why he was acting that question. They weren’t the type of friends to talk about who they got with, and Kate wasn’t really that type of person anyway. She was easily mortified. “He wouldn’t because of you. Something about some misogynistic bro-code.”

Anthony let out what looked like a sigh of relief, but she wasn’t sure. She knew that she would never truly understand men, and this was another example of why she shouldn’t ever bother trying.

“What did you say to him?” Kate asked, frowning at him, now happily munching away at his sandwich. She felt ridiculous asking, but she was confused and annoyed. “Did you tell him not get with me? You better not have Anthony Bridgerton. I will murder you.”’

“I didn’t tell him anything! Jesus, Kate. It’s Bro-Code. You don’t get with sisters, girlfriends, ex-girlfriends or girls who are best friends of your friends. There’s some lines you don’t cross,” He shrugged. “It would be like me getting with Edwina.”

“Okay, I’m eating my lunch and I'm extremely hangover,” She gagged, shuddering at the thought. “That is not the same. That code is ridiculous. Women aren't possessions you can ban your friends from getting with simply because they mean something to you.”

“It would be like you getting with Benedict!” The coloured veins in his neck were sticking out and she could see his frustration. “It’s wrong and immoral.”

“Again, eating my lunch. Benedict is a child so that’s another disgusting example I won't be entertaining. You're being absolutely ridiculous,” She shook her head, “I can still get with whoever I want. I don’t need your permission or some stupid code dictating that.”

“I never said you did,” He retorted, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Besides, Basset is my friend and all, but he’s bad news. He flies through girls. He’s not relationship material.”

“That’s sort of the pot calling the kettle black, though, isn’t it? Siena is still with you.” She felt like she had gone too far, but she was too angry to care. Siena was a sensitive topic, an unspoken topic, but she did it anyway. “I know what I can handle.”

“Do you, though?” His tone wasn’t angry, it was cold. She had struck a nerve. He looked at her with a blank expression and Kate felt like he was looking right through her. “It’s not like you know what you’re talking about. You’re not exactly experienced, are you?”

Kate stared at him, speechless, as if her ability to speak had been slapped out of her. She felt the heat rush behind her eyes and the tears that were quickly following, but in that moment she’d rather die than cry in front of him.

She just grabbed her bag and walked off, ignoring his calls behind her.

They don’t speak for three days, which frankly, sucks. It's their first big fight in the two years they've known each other. They bickered constantly but they never actually fought. It was awful. They still had to see each other, at lectures and around the university, but she sits at the back and as far away from him as possible. He had tried to speak to her and pretend like nothing had happened the following day, but she had just walked past him.

He had really hurt her feelings. Her lack of experience was a sensitive topic, and he knew that, everyone knew that and he had still thrown it back in her face.

“Kate?”

It’s a Wednesday night and she’s in her room, writing an essay about corporate law. She had said no to going to the pub with her friends, she wasn’t in the mood. She was trying to focus on her lectures but her mind kept revolving back to Anthony bloody Bridgerton.

“Kate, I know you’re in there. I can see the light,” Anthony’s voice was loud and clear through her door. “Please talk to me. I’m really sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it. I was an asshole.”

She didn’t say anything, twirling her pen around with her fingers. Her breath had caught in her throat as she heard his voice, she hadn’t expected him to be there. She figured he had gone to the pub, or was out with Siena.

“I hate not talking to you. I miss you. Please? I brought you those cookies you like. And those fizzy bears,” His voice was pleading, and she knew he meant it. “I’m so sorry. Please.”

She opened the door after a few seconds, staring at him, and then at the goods in his hands. Her willpower had long expired and he sounded so sad, so desperate. He sounded like she felt. “White chocolate chip?”

“Of course,” He said, standing up straight and handing her the food. “I’m so sorry, Kate. Can I-?"

“Come in,” She murmured, walking in and collapsing on her bed. She pulled her legs up, making room for him on the bed. She opened the fizzy bears, offering them to him first.

He hesitated as he looked at her, biting his lip. “We’re okay?”

She nodded, “We’re okay. I am sorry about what I said too, you know. About the pot calling the kettle black comment. You were still a bigger asshole, but I’m sorry.”

“I deserved it. You’re not wrong and I wasn’t exactly nice, was I?” She snorted, and he laughed. “I really did mean it from a good place. I don’t want anyone to mess you around like that.”

“I know, but I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself,” She replied, licking the sugar off her lips. “You need to take that toxic masculinity down a notch, Bridgerton.”

“I know, I know what I said was wrong. It took me longer than I'd like to admit, but I understand that now,” He replied, his voice soft and she felt guilty for being mean to him. He didn’t look great, he looked tired and the skin under his eyes was darker than usual. “I am sorry. Please don’t ever ignore me again. I’d rather get my wisdom teeth out again than go through that.”

“Well, don’t be an asshole and we won’t have any problems, will we?” said Kate, smiling sweetly at him as she opened up the cookies, feeling the white chocolate melt in her mouth. It tasted glorious.

“Whatever or who you want to do, I will support it. I promise,” He looked slightly in pain as he spoke. “I really am sorry.”

“I know,” She nudged him with her foot. “We’re friends again, relax.”

He looked relieved but slightly uneasy. “Is this one of those friendship moments where we should hug?”

She snorted, rolling her eyes. Affection was not something that came natural to Anthony Bridgerton but it was adorable when he tried. “Hard pass.”

They spent the rest of the evening in her dorm, chatting about everything and anything. It had only been three days of not speaking, and she had missed him more than she should have. She had missed him a dangerous amount, and it seemed like he had missed her too.

Kate shook her head, pushing those thoughts to the back of her mind as she focused on Anthony’s story about some trouble his younger brother Colin had gotten into in Eton yesterday. Ever since his father died, Colin had been acting more and more reckless. Anthony didn’t know what to do with him and his mother just coddled Colin.

Their second year is a blur of exams, parties, clubbing, more exams, assignments as winter turns to spring and spring to summer. It’s over before it feels like it has started, and Kate can’t believe it.

Anthony’s on and off relationship ends as well, when Sienna decides to study abroad in Paris for her second year and leaves at the start of the summer. Kate doesn’t let herself think about why she feels lighter, but she still brings him McDonalds and beer when he texts them they broke up. His room is pretty much packed up, unlike Kate, Anthony is very organized. Their second year was officially over and they were leaving tomorrow. Kate hadn’t even packed, but she knew he’d help in the morning.

He doesn’t talk about his feelings, obviously, because he’s Anthony. They watch New Girl instead, on his laptop, eating crisps and drinking coke, until he shocks her and talks.

“She said I was lost,” He murmured, playing with his pocket watch. It was something he always did. “That I didn’t know what I wanted and she couldn’t keep waiting for me to figure it out. I wasn’t fair to her.”

“Oh,” said Kate, gulping slightly. Kate was just above Anthony on how to deal with feelings and general emotion, and that bar was set pretty low anyway. “I think, sometimes, some of us just take longer to figure out what we want. She must know she wants and she’s not wrong for going after it, even if it means leaving other people behind.”

“That doesn’t mean she’s right about you though,” She continued, trying to phrase her words delicately. “You’ve been through a lot, Anthony. It’s okay if you need more time to figure things out. We’re still young. No one meets the person they’re meant to be with when they’re 20 years old.”

“My parents met when they were 18,” He retorted, raising a pointed eyebrow. Anthony’s parents had been madly in love since they were teenagers and they had had Anthony quite young.

“Okay, well, they’re the exception then, not the rule,” She nudged him with her elbow lightly. “I know we’re not the feeling sort, but everything is going to be okay. It hurts because she mattered, and that’s a good thing. It’s better than not feeling anything at all. And eventually it will hurt less and less, and I’ll be here until it doesn’t.”

“Thanks, Kate,” murmured Anthony, looking uncomfortable but he still nudged her back which is probably the most affectionate exchange they’ve ever had between them. “Thank god you’re you. I couldn’t handle a friend who asks me how I’m feeling all the time.”

Kate snorted, rolling her eyes. The word rang in her head, a friend, but that’s what she was. That’s what he was to her. Her best friend, really. Then why did it sting when he said it? “I mean this is the nicest way possible, you need to see a therapist.”

He smacked her with a pillow, and she kicked him in the ribs, and that was the last they spoke of Siena and anything remotely to do with feelings.

Kate ignored the mixture of guilt and relief in her chest to see the back of Siena. She didn't question why it was there.

Kate had been away for most of the summer after their second year of university, traveling abroad with Edwina and Mary. It had been a trip Mary had saved up for for years and it was finally happening. They went interrailing around Europe, from Prague to Paris, staying in hostels and traveling by train.

It was the longest Kate and Anthony had ever been apart since they had met, and it was strange. They spoke on facetime most days, well, Kate spoke and Anthony listened as she spoke about her travels around Europe with her mum and sister. She sent him the picture of her holding the eiffel tower, a picture of her at the colosseum and sunset at a beach in Mykonos.

Not that Kate would ever admit it to another living soul, as much as Edwina had teased her relentlessly about it, she had missed him a lot. She had come to the realization that Anthony was her best friend. Her first, true best friend. He was someone she had always wanted to have in a friend, one that was depicted in movies and television shows-she had had good friends before university, but no one was like Anthony. She didn’t have to be anyone but herself around him.

She was thrilled when he had asked her to spend the last month of the summer with Anthony at his house in Kent. She loved Mary and Edwina but Somerset was boring and she needed to get away.

Kate felt strange.

She had this uncomfortable, nauseous feeling in the pit of her stomach for most of the train ride on her way to Kent. Their flight had arrived in England yesterday morning and once they had driven home, Kate was gone the next morning. She had barely slept last night but she wasn’t sure if it was out of excitement or anxiety at the thought of seeing Anthony again.

She had changed her outfit three times before setting on a violet sundress with a daisy print.

It was just Anthony, Kate.

That was the problem.

It was Anthony.

The train finally pulled in at her station, snapping Kate out of her complicated thoughts and she dragged her suitcase off the baggage railing, glancing around. It was an old station, all she could see in the distance was fields and trees. It was just before noon and all the station had was a man behind the information desk and a small corner shop.

She walked out to the front of the station, half wheeling and half dragging her semi-functioning suitcase behind her as she glanced around the car park. Kate pulled out her phone, pressing the call button on Anthony’s contact.

“About time.”

Kate turned around to see Anthony Bridgerton grinning at her, a pair of black sunglasses covering his eyes. He looked so relaxed, in a simple white t-shirt and blue shorts, suitable for a warm English August in Kent.

It made her feel warm inside.

“Hey there, stranger,” Kate said, her cheeks beginning to ache as her grin matched his own.

She didn’t know who moved first, but when Anthony’s tanned arms wrapped around her, essentially lifting her off the ground and her arms wrapped around his neck, there was one thing Kate knew for certain.

It was the best hug of her entire life.

[arsonistvoyager]

A Jedi for a Clone Pt. 2 // Captain Rex x Reader

pairing: Rex x Reader

If you haven’t already, read part 1 here!

Summary: Rex sits down and is determined to talk to you about some unpleasant things that happened on Umbara — you’re ready to slice his head off. 

a/n: Thank you all so much again for the feedback on the first part! They definitely boosted my confidence a lot and as a result I picked up writing regularly again after a long pause. A lot of you wanted a second part and I also wanted to go a little deeper into their relationship so here we go! I hope you all like this one just as much. 

taglist: @starflyer-104​ @mangoberry43​ @kaminobiwan​

“Master I did it! You saw that right? Mention it to Master Luminara when we’re back in the temple! I heard Barriss when she was gossiping about me and I want her to know that I improved.” One moments negligence and you landed flat on your back with one of your lightsabers flying upwards, before falling down and crashing with your nose and landing next to your head. “Ouch!” You managed to catch the other one before it fell on your face as well. It was worth it since you had dodged the blaster hit but in the end you had landed on the ground anyway.

Master Krell had put up this exercise for you, which required you to stand on a bunch of unstable crates that got continuously smaller, the higher you got to practice your physical balance as well as your ability to control the force while reflecting blastershots. On top of that of course you had to do it blindly.

You pulled the blindfold down your face while extending your hand into the direction your lightsabers were lying and wrapped your fingers around each of them.

“But that’s not fair. I thought the last one had hit the blasterdroids main computer... it shouldn’t have been able to function anymore!”

Your Master was sitting a few feet away from you, his legs crossed and his eyes closed – potentially trying to meditate.

“Didn’t sound like that now, did it.” You frowned, sitting up and facing him, unintentionally mimicking his pose. “I’m tired. I’ve been trying to balance on that pyramid of junk half the day now.” “Patience, young padawan. Experience is your greatest asset.” Your Master hadn’t opened his eyes yet. “I don’t need patience when I wield the force.” You gripped your stomach the moment it started growling quietly. “But maybe I need some lunch.”

Master Krell opened one of his eyes and smiled. “How about this. If you manage to meditate with me for at least 10 minutes without any interruptions I will take you to Dex’s Diner.” Your eyes widened in disbelief and excitement. “Really? Okay!” Shortly after you rose to your feet and took a few fast steps forward before swiftly falling to the ground right next to your Master and adopting the same position he had. “Remember Padawan. Patience.” You smiled back at him. “Yes, Master.”

Your lightsabers shined brightly as you polished them for the 4th time in a row. They had not even been dirty in the first place. Maybe some light dust had settled on their surface when your shuttle had landed on Arami and the wind had blown up dirt from the ground. But it was certainly a good distraction and an even better way to calm yourself. You sat far from where the rest of the battalion had set up their campfires. 

The Clones sat around several fires in their own little groups and your enhanced hearing allowed you to hear the conversations they were having. Half of them were about missions, attacks they had used, stunts they had pulled, people they had flirted with. Normal clone-talk you assumed. The other half of them were about you. And you had to admit it was almost cute how they thought you could not hear them, or that you were too occupied with cleaning your sabers to pay attention to your surroundings. Because of course they thought like that. How could simple minded beings like they were understand how a Jedi’s mind worked. Maybe they didn’t even care.

Your movements slowed down and you stared at your shiny reflection on the metal of one of your sabers for a brief moment. Then your eyes shot up and landed on a particular clone with bleached blonde hair. You didn’t like how he had been able to sneak up on you earlier. Nor had you liked the way he had observed you in the tent when you were discussing battle strategies with Skywalker. 

Speaking of the Jedi General... Out of politeness Anakin had sat next to you and talked to you – you of course not saying a word but that did not seem to bother him a lot. He had excused himself earlier to take what he called a very “important and unpostponable” holocall. The blonde clone, Rex, had risen to his feet immediately and asked if he needed his help. Skywalker had glanced your way for a second and assured him that he did not. Reluctantly Rex had sat down again.

Now, almost 20 minutes later he hadn’t returned yet and you were sitting alone, watching Captain Rex. Most of the clones had taken off the upper part of their armor, so they were sitting in their blacks, seeming relaxed.

Your eyes trailed down for a second, noticing how the clothes outlined their muscles. You wondered how many scars the fabric hid. And where those scars were.

It didn’t take long for Rex to notice the stare you were sending his way and he shifted around a little before looking back to you.  Unlike you he couldn’t hold it out for too long. It kept shifting into other directions and back to you. 

One of his brothers with a goatie was telling a story to some shinies, a wide smile on his lips. Something about dominos. Whatever he meant by that. The goatie-guy stopped talking only for a second, when Rex leaned towards him and said something not audible enough for even you to hear. Shortly after goatie shrugged his shoulders and continued talking. Rex however stood up. Your eyes narrowed into slits before widening slightly. No no no. Had you sat in the dark too long and your eyes were deceiving you? Or was that reckless bastard actually walking towards you?

You gripped your lightsabers tighter, the closer he got and finally lowered your gaze. You did not need to see him to know where he was. One or two steps were left when you ignited both of them, a bright luminous blue hue falling over your features and lighting up the area around you. Rex stopped dead in his tracks and you noticed him shaking slightly, before composing himself again. A dozen pairs of eyes turned towards you, half of them were smart enough to look away again and pretend they didn’t see anything.

Your gaze was locked onto the bright blue light. “What do you say, captain?” His title left your lips with a hint of venom. “Are they clean enough?” With that your eyes wandered up to him and stared back right into his. Rex gulped. This was an awkward position. Although he was the one looking down on you, the power was in your hands.

An uncertainty crossed his mind. Would you be bold enough to hurt him? In front of his brothers? He knew they would not hesitate to defend him and stand up to a General – not after Umbara. But he was also convinced you could take them all on. He had heard your stories. And General Skywalker was nowhere near to help.

“Yes, General.” You didn’t turn off the lightsabers. Nor did you speak. But you stared at him and held him frozen with your gaze. This time, he told himself, he would not fail though. He was gonna speak to you one way or another. “Would you...like to join us, General?”

You sat in silence for what felt like minutes before furrowing your brows.

“What did you just say?” You could tell he was getting more nervous by the second. Very slowly and almost intimidatingly you swung your lightsaber, while tilting your head ever so slightly to the side. “I didn’t hear you.” His eyes followed the blade of your weapon and you could see a pearl of sweat roll down the side of his face.

“I asked...If you wanted to join my brothers and I. At the campfires I mean. It seems cold and lonely here.” He was getting braver, the longer he stood there without you mutilating him.

“We also have spicebrew if you would like some.” Your gaze was merciless. “Drinking the night before the mission, Captain?” His eyes dodged yours, looking to his right side, then his left, then the ground and then his right side again. “Uh...No I mean yes. But. We would enjoy it, if you just sat with us. It’s an honor to work with a Jedi…” Your other lightsaber rotated clockwise in your hand – his eyes followed the motion. “Quite like you.” “Cut the flattery.” The surprise made him look right into your eyes. “I’d rather meditate.” 

The next thing he did surprised you to say the least. Rex sat down opposite of you. “Then do you mind me sitting in your company?” Now he was the one looking up into your eyes, as you were sitting on an old log. Your eyes narrowed once more. “What are you trying here, clone?” Before he knew it one of your lightsabers was pointing at him, resting inches from his chin in front of his neck. “Don’t mistake my professionalism for kindness. I don’t trust your kind.” 

Rex, though trying his hardest not to move, seemed weirdly calm about the situation. As if somehow he knew you would not kill him on the spot. “Can I ask why that is, General?” He almost whispered, as he was too scared to strain his vocal cords too much. The fear of them being sliced by the jedi weapon still present.

Your eyes were burning now. “You’re asking me that? You’re actually asking me why?”

Now he had done it. You were angry. So angry. Who did this guy think he was? He was surely trying to provoke you. Where the hell was Skywalker? “Need I remind you it was one of your kind that murdered my Master in cold blood? Did you forget that already? Maybe your cloned brain doesn’t hold enough capacity for that.” Rex bit on his lip. He would not let your words get to him. Besides him and his brothers were pretty much used to distrust and mistreatment from the republic and its organic citizens.

“Who told you...about what happened on Umbara, General.”

“The council of course.” You lowered your lightsaber when you realized the other clones slowly stopped their conversations. Seeing the deadly weapon not in lethal proximity of their captains head anymore had a majority of them pick up their talking again, though many eyes continued to linger on the two of you.

“Did they leave out the part where he told us about abandoning the Jedi to join the new order he thought would rise to power?” For the first time since Rex had looked back at you from all the way over at the campfires it was you who looked to the side. Not wanting to look into his eyes this moment. “Master Krell was confused. The light would have surely found its way back to him.” Your features hardened. “Not that the council would have let him try…” you mumbled, more to yourself, than to Rex.

“But who are you to judge about that, clone.” Your eyes landed on Rex again. They still burned with hate but he was a lot calmer now that he had seen the glint of vulnerability in your eyes and was a little more certain that you would not try to harm him. Rex stood up and your eyes followed his. You did not move when he walked over to you and sat down next to you on the log. Your lightsabers, though, were still ignited and if it came down to it you would still be able to slice his head off clean.

“Did they tell you about the way he had us kill our own brothers?” You stared at the blue hued ground in front of you. That’s not quite what they had told you. 

A mission gone wrong. False Calculations. A deception of soldiers and an unlawful decision by Master Krell that had led to a horrible string of events which obliged the soldiers to act on their own. That’s how the council had worded it. 

“Surely you know General Kenobi. The 212th is his battalion. Many good men I knew. Waxer he...was a good man. Always tried to do the right thing. Always followed orders. The last time I saw him I watched him bleed out. on the ground of enemy territory.” You noticed him grip his left wrist in his right hand.  He was nervous. And scared. But you had not killed him yet, neither had you screamed at him to shut up. So he continued. 

“The betrayal he must have felt in that moment…” Rex rubbed his face. “General I know you don’t like us. Not a lot of people do. But we have each other and that gives us strength. We’re bred for war. And we fight without complaining. But we’re no tools. We still feel. And sometimes...sometimes I wish we wouldn’t.”

Waxer cried in his last moments. Knowing the few people he trusted had fought him with the intention to kill him” He looked away, then towards you and you turned to face him as well. His eyes were...sad. “General Krell ordered this attack on both sides, knowing fully well what was gonna happen. I hated him for what he made us do. I hated him and I wanted him dead before he could hurt any more of us.” You tensed up at the images of your Master being shot. “And I achieved that. I was the one that killed him, General. I didn’t enjoy doing it. And I am sorry about it. Not because he is dead, but because he was important to you. And you lost him because someone else made the decision that he did not deserve to live.” By now tears were building up in your eyes.

“He could have…” You couldn’t even finish your thought. He was right. They weren’t tools. And if anything they deserved their free will. Master Krell had taken that from them. But were you ready to admit that? The Master Krell you knew was kind and compassionate. The Master Krell you knew had let younglings climb onto his 4 arms and swung them around like they requested, while they laughed. The Master Krell you knew had taken you to Dex’s Diner because it was your favourite and had laughed when you told him he’d probably look like Dex himself if the Order hadn’t trained him.

But then he was forced to fight in this stupid, seemingly endless and catastrophic war that raged across the galaxy. Was that enough to change a person? What if the Master Krell you knew was nothing but a memory.

We’re bred for war. No one had given the clones a choice when the war had started. You didn’t notice it but Rex did. The eyes you were looking at him with now were not filled with rage, nor hatred. They held empathy and maybe – confusion. 

“You have every right to hate me. But forgive my brothers. None of us ever wanted this.”

None of you said a word but what could you have possibly said in this moment. So you stayed silent and so did he. The more you looked at him the more you started to notice how genuine he seemed. How desperate for you to understand. And how beautiful he was.

You tightened the grip on your lightsabers once more before you stood up and turned them off. Silly thoughts. Looking over your shoulder back at him you looked him over once more. This man had killed your Master. And your Master killed his brothers. “I’ll decide that myself.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: Again I wanted to include so much more in this chapter but after reaching 2000 words I told myself to stop lol So I definitely have a third chapter planned out where I wanna get into a more romantic vibe! I’m so sorry if this feels too dragged but I didn’t wanna feel like I was forcing something too quick (I mean even that “how beautiful he was” felt kind of rushed ahh) 

[call-signvalkyrie]

Save Tonight

A/N: This was inspired by “Save Tonight” by Eagle-Eye Cherry. I’ve had that song on repeat for DAYS so I figured why not! This is also my first Star Wars fic! I hope y’all enjoy. (Flash backs and inner though will be in italics). 

Pairings: Poe Dameron x Mechanic!Reader

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 2,250

Go on and close the curtains Cause all we need is candlelight You and me, and a bottle of wine To hold you tonight (oh yeah) Well we know I'm going away And how I wish, I wish it weren't so So take this wine and drink with me And let's delay our misery

Poe remembered the day he met you. He got up early that morning to give his X-Wing a good look over after the rough patch he had gone through the night before. He wasn’t much of a mechanic, but he could get the job done. He took a step into the hangar and there you were. Grease suit tied around your waist; white t-shirt stained from your using it as a rag. Your hair in a double braid down your back, elbows deep in the engine. He had never seen a more beautiful sight. At least he thought that until he saw you smile. He had to steady himself on a nearby fuel container before he doubled over completely.  

“Hey! Sorry to scare ya, I’m Y/N.” You said, sliding off the side of the craft and down to the hanger floor. You grabbed a rag out of your pocket to wipe away some of the grease before offering your hand.

“And I’m...”

“Poe. I know.” You flashed that smile again. Maker, he could have kissed you right then and there. He had never thought his name could sound so beautiful but there it was.

And here he was. Standing at the door of your room like an idiot. It had been almost two years since that first meeting and nothing about the way he felt about you had changed. He had teased, dropped hints but you never seemed to get the message. There had been a time when he tried to get you off his mind but he just couldn’t shake his feeling for you. He had been almost convinced you would never feel the same way until about a week ago.

One Week Earlier

“Finn! I’m serious! You can’t tell anyone, not even Rey.”  

“Y/N, I’m sorry to tell you but everyone already knows.” Finn gave you a cheeky grin that made you want to slap him. There was no way anyone knew how you felt about Poe. He was your best friend and had been for the last two years. You had done an amazing job at keeping your secret. Well, you thought so anyway.

“What do you mean everyone already knows! I’ve literally never told anyone. Shit, I've barely even admitted it to myself.” That was completely true. Poe would never feel for you in any way other than a friend and you were okay with that. You just weren't ready for everyone to rub it in your face.

“Whatever you say Y/N/N, I’m just telling you what I know.” Finn threw his hands up in mock defeat.  

“Whatever, Finn.” You said, sticking your tongue out at him as you walked past and into the hanger.  

“Finn! Finn did she just...” Poe came around the corner, catching his friend by the arm.

“Did she just say what I think she did?”

“Maker, Poe. You both really are so blind!” Finn rolled his eyes, putting his hands on his hips. “You two just need to get your shit together. I’m tired of this!” Finn threw his hands up in real defeat this time.  

“I know, man. I know. I just don’t know how to tell her.” Poe ran his hand down his face. He had to tell her.  

“You have to tell her. Soon.” Finn grabbed his friend by the sholders, shaking him gently.  

“You’re right. I will, soon. I promise.”

Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone

Well, Poe. It’s now or never. He took a deep breath and knocked.  

“It’s open!” Your muffled voice came from deep within the room. Poe punched in your security code and stepped through the sliding door. You turned to see him, still wearing your grease suit.  

“Hey, handsome! When did you get back?” You grabbed your friend in a hug and gave him a good once over. “You take any damage this time?”

“No, thankfully. I’m fine.” Poe said, giving you a soft smile.

“I was talking about the X-Wing! I worked way too hard on that motivator for you to fuck it up again!” You said, winking at the taller man.

“Ha-ha, you’re so funny.” Poe said in with a fake laugh. He was so nervous. Get it together, Poe. “Anyway, you busy tonight? I’ve got a debrief in about 20 minutes but after I thought we could do something. Maybe take a speeder out to the edge of the base and hang out? Just you and me?”  

There was a twinkle in his eyes that you couldn’t place. Something about him was different today. He had more of a spring in his step but he almost looked nervous.

“Sure. That’ll give me some time to shower and change. Meet you back here after the brief?”  

“Sounds perfect.” Poe smiled then and pulled you in for another hug. “See you in about an hour?”

One Hour Later

After scrubbing most of the grime and grease from your body, you climbed out of the shower feeling relatively clean and refreshed. You stepped into your room, letting your y/c/h fall out of your towel. After pulling on a pair of black leggings and a grey tunic, you slipped on your favorite boots and a light jacket. Swiping on a bit of mascara, you let your hair fall freely over your shoulder, opting to wear it down instead of in your usual braids. Something felt different about tonight but you couldn’t put your finger on it. Taking a look at your data pad, you realized there was a comms message.  

------------------------------Communications Log 7189443------------------------------------

-------------Communicatons

     ------------------Messages

                    --------------One (1) Unread Message

--------- Dameron, Poe

Y/N/N,

Running late, explain later. Meet me in the hanger at 22:00. Bring caf, please.

P.D.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There's a log on the fire And it burns like me for you Tomorrow comes with one desire To take me away (oh it's true) It ain't easy to say good-bye Darlin' please, don't start to cry Cause girl you know I've got to go (oh) And Lord I wish it wasn't so

Running out the door, you had just enough time to get the caf before getting to the hanger.  

“He, Y/N. Sorry about the short notice.” Poe called to you as you walked through the hangar. He was leaning against a borrowed speeder, a blanket draped across the seat.  

“Everything alright? I got here as quick as I could.” You walked up to the taller man, handing him a cup and taking a seat in the speeder.

“Yeah, um. Actually, no.” Poe climbed into the speeder, turning to look at you full on. “There’s something I need to tell you but I want to show you something first.”  

15 minutes later you were on the farthest outskirts of the base. There was a small clearing, mostly made of scrubby brush and a few spindly trees. Above the clearing, however, was the most incredible light show you had ever seen.  

“Poe, what is that?” you stared up in amazement. It was like the stars were playing tag across the night sky. Zig-zagging and blinking back and forth, changing every color and then back again.  

“They’re native to the planet. Completely harmless and virtually undetectable during the day but at night. Well, they do this.”  

The whole time you were staring at this mesmerizing light show, Poe couldn’t do anything but look at you. The way your eyes sparkled as the colors danced across the sky, your lips slightly parted as a soft smile spread across your face.

“Beautiful.” Poe said aloud. He couldn’t help himself.

“It is. I’ve never seen anything like this in my whole life.” You said, turning to look at him.

Poe stepped closer, filling the space between the two of you.  

“Y/N, I didn’t just bring you out here to show you this. I need to tell you something.” Poe took both of your hands in his. His heart felt like it was going to explode right out of his chest. He took a deep breath.

“My debrief earlier, the reason it went over. We’ve been sent on a new recon mission starting first thing in the morning. I leave at first light.”

“Okay, and you brought me all the way out here to tell me you want the galaxy’s most incredible mechanic to hitch a ride out with you?” You giggled, squeezing Poe’s hands in yours.”

“I wish it was that simple. No, Y/N...” Poe paused. Why was telling you how he felt so hard?  “I brought you all the way out here to tell you that this mission is different. I’ll be infiltrating enemy lines. I’ll be working on important intel that could help end this war. Leia says it could take up to 5 weeks to get the information.”

“5 weeks? Holy shit, that’s a long time, Poe. Is Finn at least going with you? What about Rey? I...” you were starting to feel a bit uneasy. Why was he doing this? He had gone on long missions before. Just last cycle he had gone on a 3-week recon.  

“Poe, what are you not telling me? What's wrong?”  

“Hey, hey. Calm down, everything is okay.” He stepped closer, cupping your jaw with his hand and caressing it slightly.  “Rey has to stay here and continue her training. Leia wants her to be almost finished by the time we get back. Chewie and Finn will be with me, yes but I wanted to tell you before everyone else started talking.” Poe shook his head. It was now or never.

“Start talking? Poe what do you mean? What happened at the debrief?” You pulled away from him, suspicion taking over everything else.  

“So, I might have asked if we could push our leave time to first light instead of immediately. And the General may or may not have read me the riot act after she dismissed everyone, causing me to be late.”

“Poe, why would you do that?! This mission is obviously super important, why would you...”

“Because, Y/N...” He stepped closer again, taking your hands back in his larger ones.  

“Because I wanted to spend possibly my last night here on this planet with the girl of my dreams. Because I couldn’t bear to leave this planet for 5 weeks without telling you how absolutely head over heels in love with you I am. I couldn’t be half way across the galaxy knowing that I was willingly putting myself in harm's way every single day and I never had the balls to tell you how I feel. I’m completely and totally in love and I don’t want to go one single second longer without you knowing.”  

You stood there, stunned. Was this a joke? This had to be a joke. There was no way that, Poe Dameron, THE Poe Dameron just said those words to you. But he did and here you are and HOLY SHIT you thought you might faint dead away on the spot.  

“Y/N/N, you okay...”

Before he has the chance to finish you grabbed him by the collars and pulled him into you, crashing your lips into his. He wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you to the edge of the speeder. Running your hands up to his curls, you give them a soft tug which pulls a low moan from deep in his throat. Your tongues dance together in perfect synchrony, both of you not wanting to break this perfect moment. Eventually you both pull away, lips swollen from the contact.  

“I really thought you’d never say it. I’ve felt the same way about you for so long now but I never even imagined you felt the same way.” You flashed him your signature smile.  

“So, you feel the same then?” He asked, a silly grin spread across his face. “Why didn’t you ever say anything? All this time we’ve spent together, all the time I spent trying to get a read on you and never could.” He smiled, kissing your knuckles.  

“You’re joking right? You’re asking me if I feel the same. Were you there five seconds ago? Do you not remember that kiss?” You laugh, lightly slapping his chest. “I never wanted to tell you how I felt. I thought it would ruin our friendship. Figured we’ve lost enough due to this war. Didn’t want to make us another casualty.”

“Yeah, I remember. I just want to hear you say it.” He smiled, kissing your lips again. “I understand. I’ve thought those same things all this time but, I don’t know. I just... This time is different. I needed you to know. And I’m overjoyed to know you feel the same.” he smiled that damned smile of his.  

“I love you, Poe. I have for a long time. I’m glad to finally let you know that. Ya know, to your face?” You giggled, deepening the kiss.  

“So, did you really ask Leia if you guys could leave at first light?”

"I did,” Poe said, “So just get ready for all that teasing that’s heading your way.” He gave you a wink.

Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone Save tonight and fight the break of dawn Come tomorrow, tomorrow I'll be gone

[lizzy-frizzle]

Non-Fiction

May 5th, 2001

SMACK.

“My son shouldn’t behave like this.”

Her hand stings across my cheek. I count my blessings it’s not with her wedding ring hand this time.

My mother continues, “Men don’t wear bras.”

A coconut bra lies between us. I look at the floor and know that if I just don’t react, she’ll move on. It took 10 minutes and another hit, but she did.

Late July, 2001

I sneak into my parents room, they were just fighting and my mom went to the bar, my dad “went for a drive”. I didn’t know it at the time, they both just left and made my sister watch me. So, my sister holed up in her room. I grab my moms high heels and walk around. I try to find a dress, but it’s not in the dresser so I settle for the shoes.

Various moments, 2002-2006

“Don’t put your hands on your hips you look like a girl.”

“We’re getting your hair cut, I don’t want people mistaking you for a girl.”

“Dont hold your hand out like that, only girls do that.”

The list goes on.

August 10th, 2007

I log into runescape, for the dozenth time this week. I stare at my character, I made it a guy because my friend was watching me make it. I discovered an NPC that lets you change your character, and I switch to the girl model. Wandering around, later that night, I meet a new person.

“Hey, are you really a girl?”

I stop for a moment and stare at the message. Without thinking, I respond.

“Yea, of course I am.”

“Are you looking for a bf?”

Well. That’s a development. I’m 13, I’ve never had a girlfriend, and I definitely have never been someone’s girlfriend. I didn’t like boys like that, but I kind of want to see what it feels like to be treated like a girl.

“Sure, what’s up?”

Summer, 2009

“Hey, Brandon, why do you always wear sweatshirts?”

I don’t know? “They’re comfy, they make me feel safe.”

“It’s like, 90 degrees out though, aren’t you hot?”

I think for a moment, am I? I don’t really sweat that much, and now is not an exception.

“Nah, I’d prefer to keep the sweatshirt on.”

“But, you’re in jeans and a sweatshirt, and everyone is swimming.”

“Yea, I know, I’m fine with watching.”

My friend goes off and has fun in the pool. I’m not sure why I feel so uncomfortable with swimming.

Sometime during 2009

I have a dream. I’m sitting on my bed, and I’m next to a girl. She looks like me, but she has longer hair. For a while I’ve forgotten what was said during the dream, but I remember now, in the present.

“You’re not ready for me yet, but you will be.”

For a while, I interpreted that as, “I’m not ready for a girlfriend, so I shouldn’t worry about it”. But I know better now.

March, 2010

I’m playing halo 3, online, and talking to people, not really paying all that much attention to what’s happening. I still go by my old runescape username, Shadow393939

“Hey Shadow, are you a girl?”

“What? Why?”

“Well, shadow’s either a girl or a young boy.”

I want to say I’m a girl, but my friend is in the game too.

“Shadow’s a boy.” he says.

The people who were asking laugh, and say, “Well, your voice will deepen soon enough kid.”

I don’t want it to. I like my voice as it is.

June, 2010

My voice is cracking more often. I aim to lock myself in my room the rest of the summer. Only coming out to eat or go to the bathroom. My sister calls me weird.

July, 2010

I attempt suicide for the 4th time. I fail. My friend caught me, and demands I start going for runs with him. He invites me to a group of friends he wants to play frisbee with. He thinks it’ll be good for me.

September, 2011

School hasn’t started yet. My mom and sister are out clothes shopping, I stayed home because, “Men’s clothes are so dull, it doesn’t matter what you get me, just make sure it’s baggy. Maybe a fleece sweatshirt.”

I sneak into my sisters room, she has an outfit on her bed. A simply outfit, just a women’s t-shirt and some jeans.

I put them on, I feel...Good? Ashamed. I take them off, put them back on the bed how they were, and go cry in my room the rest of the night. I leave my room at 2am, and see a black fleece sweatshirt on my doorknob, among other clothes.

I put on the sweatshirt and imagine how it’d look if I had a bra on. If I was a girl.

I feel a little better.

December, 2011

My mom begs me to cut my hair for senior pictures. She never lets me have it too long. Sometimes when I’m getting things from stores, people confuse me for a woman before they see my face. It feels nice, I wish it would happen more.

October 20th, 2018 2:04am

I wake up from a dream. It’s my 4th dream in a row where I’m a girl. In the dream, I got bottom surgery. I woke up terrified. I messaged my sister in law, and told her, “I don’t think I’m a boy.”

It took 24 years. 24 years to learn what transgender was. 24 years to have a name for my uncomfortable feelings towards my body. Dysphoria. 24 years to figure out, “I don’t have to be a boy.”

When I came out as transgender, I was told by my relatives that I couldn’t be. I never showed the signs. I’m throwing my life away. The usual.

I no longer speak to most of my blood relatives. I did show the signs. I always have been a girl locked away in a boys body, irreparable damage was done to my body via puberty that I didn’t get a say to prevent.

[xofanfics]

String - Part II

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III

Genre: angst, fluff, SMUT

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader ft. Sehun

Word Count: 2.6k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

You stared at the clock, painfully counting down the minutes until this class was over. Syllabus week was the worst. Teachers sent out the syllabus and course guidelines by email yet, for some reason, you were still stuck here going over it even though you’d already read through it. Your teacher wasn’t saying anything new to you so you opened up your laptop, browsing Aldo’s website for their sale shoes. 

Your mind shuffled for the remainder of class. You looked down at your shameful, chipping nail polish and wondered what nail color you’d go for next. You smiled at it because Baekhyun did them for you the other day. Interestingly enough, he was good at those kinds of things. Even though he’d probably never let you paint his nails ever, he was good at painting yours and he didn’t mind doing things like that. 

Your random thoughts about nail polish and Baekhyun came to a halt as the people around you started shuffling. It was Thursday and, thankfully, you were done with class early. Your teacher had gone over the syllabus and went over the textbook and so on before bringing class to an end with “Have a good weekend. See you next week!”

Your friend, Daren, turned to you. “This class seems like it’ll be a breeze.”

“I hope so. I could use some more A’s this semester…” 

Daren smiled. “Are you hungry? Do you wanna get lunch?”

You said, “Sure. Do you wanna see if the others wanna come, too?” He nodded and you looked down at your phone that lit up with unread messages from the group chat. 

Within twenty minutes, you and Daren were sitting on a bench in Washington Square Park waiting on your friends. It was a gorgeous day out, a clear blue sky hanging over you.. Summer in New York City was the best. There was so much to do and so much to see in the city that never sleeps. The sun shone brightly on your face as you watched children playing near the fountain. One was splashing his hands in the water against his mother’s wishes and another crying because she dropped her ice cream. You smiled. You loved this city. It was just so authentic and raw.

You squinted in the direction of your friends approaching and waved them over. You could tell it was them because Evie had a slight bounce with each step she took.

“Hey gorgeous,” called Evie, plopping down next to you. 

“Hey guys,” Sadie said with a wave. “Where are we eating?”

Daren said, “I dunno. I thought you’d decide.”

While the three of them went on about where to eat, you looked down at your phone. Baekhyun hadn’t texted you back. He was in class; he sent a screenshot of his class schedule last week. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t be joining you for lunch today. With a small sigh, you returned to the conversation. Apparently, everyone had decided on going to get pizza. 

*

Baekhyun just had one class on Friday. It was the only class he could get into since his browser crashed on him as soon as it was registration time. By the time he’d logged on again, the class he’d planned on taking was full. With a yawn, he took a seat down in the 9am class and opened his laptop, ready to take notes. 

A few minutes after class began, he heard the door open. He glanced and saw a girl scurrying to an available seat toward the front of the classroom. She sat down and opened her notebook. The back of her head looked awfully familiar and it bothered him throughout the class. There was something so painfully familiar about her that he found himself staring at the back of her head and what little he could see of her side profile any chance he could.

As class ended, Baekhyun was relieved. The girl took her sweet time in gathering her things. She even sat there for a minute or two. Baekhyun watched her and part of him was even annoyed that she was taking so long to stand up and leave the classroom so that he could get a better look at her. Finally, she stood up. When she turned around, Baekhyun’s heart dropped. She didn’t notice him. With her phone in hand, she continued toward the door with no intention of looking in his direction. 

He called, “Kira?”

She looked up from her phone and her eyes met his. Her eyes lit up before the rest of her face. “Baekhyun?” She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him. “Wow, it feels like it’s been so long…”

“Eight months is a long time,” he said, giving her a squeeze. “How’ve you been? How was your study abroad program?” He pulled away from her even though he didn’t want to.

“I’ve been good. Studying abroad was amazing. Florence is such an amazing city. I loved it,” she said. “How about you? I saw you went back to Korea over the summer.”

Baekhyun nodded. “It was good. It was nice to see my friends and my family. I feel a little homesick sometimes but I love this city, too. It feels good to be back.”

“Do you think you’ll try to stay after graduation?”

“For a little bit at least. I guess I’ll see if I can apply for a work visa later. I’m not sure I want to stay in Korea.”

“I feel the same way about Japan. Kanazawa will always be my home but I feel like I can make a name for myself here.”

“What do you want to do? You wanted to do something with skincare, right?”

Her eyes widened a bit, surprised that he even remembered what she thought was such a small detail. She smiled. “Yeah. I’m trying out a bunch of different formulas now for the face serums I want to make. Soon, I’ll perfect it. There’s a lot to do to start a business.”

Baekhyun returned her smile. “I bet it’ll turn out great and everyone will love it.”

Kira cleared her throat. “We should catch up sometime...”

“I’d like that. When are you free?” 

“Are you doing anything later today?”

*

You threw down the plastic shot glass onto the wooden desk. It was your second shot of the night and it was in Sadie and Evie’s dorm room. Sadie was playing lofi in the background and she and Evie were currently arguing over the choice of music. 

“What’s this sad ass lofi playlist?” Evie demanded. “If I wanted to kill myself, this is the playlist I’d choose.”

You laughed. “You have to admit, Sadie. This song doesn’t make me wanna get drunk on a Friday night.”

Sadie rolled her eyes, scrolling through Spotify to change the playlist. “Yeah yeah. Where are the boys? Are they on their way?” 

“Daren is on his way. He said he’ll meet us in front of our dorms. And Andrew said he’ll meet us at the bar.”

You turned in the Sadie’s desk chair. “Where are we going by the way?”

“Let’s start at Coyote Ugly,” said Evie.

Sadie said, “Yeah. The bartenders always try to get you to dance on the bar. I’m in the mood for something like that tonight.”

A makeup adjustment, an outfit malfunction, and another shot later, the three of you were off into the night in sight of your friends and a good night to be remembered as you kicked off the semester. Daren was in front of the dorms waiting; he had his foot kicked up onto the wall, leaning onto it while scrolling on his phone. A smile formed on his face as he noticed us approaching. 

“Now I feel underdressed,” he said, looking down at himself. You and the girls giggled as Daren rolled his eyes and started complaining. “I knew I should’ve changed.”

As the four of you walked over toward the East Side, Daren said, “Is Baekhyun coming out tonight?”

You said, “He texted the group chat earlier and said that he had plans tonight.” 

At first, you’d been kind of annoyed that Baekhyun wasn’t going bar hopping tonight; When you asked him why, he mentioned that he ran into one of his friends. You felt a little sad that he wouldn’t see you in the cute skirt you were wearing and even sadder that he wouldn’t be pulling it off of you later that night. 

By the time you got into the bar, it was starting to get crowded. There was a nice crowd of people, which meant that soon there wouldn’t be much breathing room left. Coyote Ugly wasn’t a high end bar or anything like that. It was the place to get drunk and to dance on the bar to good music. The bartenders were good looking and usually had a nice pair of tits to match. 

Sadie and Daren went to grab a table in the back while you and Evie went to grab a couple beers. As you waited for the bartender, Evie said, “So what’s with you and Baek?”

At this point, Evie knew that you liked him. She noticed immediately. Most times, Evie could be pretty quiet but it’s because she’s sitting back, observing people, watching their movements. She noticed that you liked Baekhyun before you did. You were walking to the train station one day when she asked, “You have a crush on Baekhyun, don’t you?” At that point, you’d only slept with him a couple times and hadn’t given it much thought.

You said, “What do you mean?”

“Didn’t you tell him how you felt about him before he left this summer?” 

You nodded. “We haven’t had that conversation again. I figured I’d wait until the time was right. School just started up again and if we already like each other, what’s the rush?”

“Are you sure he likes you?” she asked after ordering the beers.

You nodded. “Of course I am! He told me himself. I mean, it just hasn’t been a good time. It’s been a busy week. I’ve hardly seen him this week. Next time we meet up, I’ll bring it up again.”

“Sounds good.” You knew that Evie had more to say about it but for some reason she thought better of it and changed the subject as she paid for the beers. You grabbed two beers and headed back to the table with your friend. As you drank your beer and talked with your friends, you couldn’t get what Evie said out of your head. It wasn’t much but that one question had so much impact.

Are you sure he likes you? 

Shortly after being consumed by your insecure thoughts about Baekhyun and how he feels about you, you noticed that Drew had arrived and that he had lured over another group of people in their 20s. You watched as he flirted with one of the girls; she was currently throwing her head back at something Drew had said and you couldn’t help but laugh to yourself because there was nothing that Drew could say to make someone laugh that hard. 

You wished that Baekhyun was here. It seemed like everyone had a person. And by person you just meant someone to connect with. You watched as Evie and Sadie were enthralled in some deep conversation with one of the guys in the other group. Drew was flirting and Daren had disappeared. You couldn’t help but feel a little lonely.

With a sigh, you headed to the bar in search of another drink to drown your problems in. After you placed an order for a gin and tonic, a tall man approached you and stood next to you. Glancing at him, you noticed he was in the group that Drew had brought over to your table. He smiled at you and said, “Hey. You looked like you could use a friend.”

You chuckled. “Friend, huh? Isn’t that a little bold?”

He shrugged, leaning against the bar counter. “Not if that’s what my goal is.”

“What’s your name?”

“Sehun. What about you?”

“Y/N.”

“Pretty name.”

You ended up talking to Sehun for almost an hour. The two of you ended up grabbing seats at the bar. You talked about where he grew up and how he ended up in New York. He talked about what he wanted to do in the future, the places he wanted to travel, and the music he liked. While you two talked, you realized that you had a lot in common. The way Sehun talked to you wasn’t too flirty and proved that he wasn’t just trying to get you in a Lyft back to his apartment.

You couldn’t help but notice how attractive he was either. He had dark eyes that you could get lost in. His smile was enough to make any woman weak and his lips were such a sexy shape that you almost wanted to kiss them. You noticed his style, too. He seemed to be a pretty simple man, wearing a striped button down, a pair of khaki shorts, and some white designer sneakers you noticed when he got up to use the bathroom. At some point during your conversation, he mentioned that it was getting hot and he stripped down to the T-shirt he was wearing underneath. From what you could see, he seemed like he worked out a bit. 

You cleared your throat as Baekhyun crossed your mind again. It made you feel a bit guilty, even. You looked back at the table your friends were still sitting at. “Didn’t your friends leave a while ago?”

He chuckled, flashing a bright smile. “Yeah. They went to another bar but I was enjoying our conversation so I stayed here instead. I’ll find them eventually...” He put his finger on his chin for a moment, calculating his next move. “What do you usually do on weekends?”

“Nothing much. Usually I hang out with my friends or run errands. Since the weather’s gonna be shitty tomorrow, I’ll probably just stay in.”

“It’s supposed to be nice on Sunday,” he said, downing the rest of his drink. “To be honest, I’m a little drunk now but I want to ask you anyway…Would you wanna maybe go on a date with me on Sunday? We could get lunch or go to the park or something.��

You raised your eyebrows, shocked at the sudden invitation. No one had ever been this straightforward with you before. You weren’t used to a man just asking you out like this.

You frowned, thinking of Baekhyun again. “I’m kind of with someone.”

“Kind of?” He cleared his throat, raising his eyebrows. “You don’t seem too sure…”

“It’s complicated...but I’m down to be friends, if you want,” you said, pushing your phone toward him. Sehun was a really cool guy but you couldn’t accept a date with him. Not when you had Baekhyun by your side. If this had been months ago, before you and Baekhyun had sex for the first time, you would’ve accepted a date with him. 

Sehun wasn’t pleased with your response. To be honest, he was disappointed. You were one of the most interesting girls he’d met in a long time. There were a handful of girls out there who just wanted sex or a meal or whatever, but you didn’t give off that vibe at all. He was genuinely interested in getting to know you. From your answer, he knew that you were probably in some situationship and neither of you were on the same page. This was a truth he knew all too well.

The disappointment on his face was showing and you felt bad as he proceeded to put his number in your phone anyway. “If you’re ever kind of single, you should give me a call.”

And with a wink, he was off.

[jyunshiim]

𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬; 𝙨𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙩 *✬★*’☽* ✬ ⤷𝘒𝘪𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘯 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘶 | 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 2

Genre → romance | angst | friends to acquaintances | friends to lovers | college!au |

Contains → fluff | angst |

Listen to →  Compass & imagination

Word count → 5198

TW →

Chapters → | Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 | 

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝟮 →

Eventually, you had to depart from Kihyun which broke your heart since you felt rejoice whenever you hung out with him. It reminded you of summer when you, Kihyun and Changkyun used to spend your warm evenings on rooftops and empty fields near lakes, your head on Kihyun’s lap and Changkyun whining to lay on his lap instead. The playful fights between you and Changkyun when you argued who’d be the first to hug Kihyun after your lively evening together. It was nostalgic to think about whilst you waved Kihyun goodbye, his skin gleaming as the sun inched closer to the horizon. His hand intensely gripped at the handle, his unoccupied hand waving you goodbye as the bus jolted again driving to the next stops. Kihyun sighed and looked out of the window again hoping you’d run after the bus waving at him but something did change and you stopped doing it. There was a shift. He shook his head in disbelief and chose to ignore whatever he heard, he just wanted to go home. The vehicle remained stationary and Kihyun looked at the stop he was at and luckily he arrived to the right one so he released his grip from the handle and gripped his bag strap instead and vacated the bus swiftly and stood under the shelter whilst observing the grey, dismal sky. “you must be joking,” he sighs just as the grey clouds become darker and seem to be saturated by rain. He looks in his bag for anything to shelter himself with although there was nothing so he had no other choice but to run to his home which was an additional 3 minute walk. He bolts down the streets as the rain begins to plummet down to the cool concrete. Kihyun looks around and sees a couple under a jacket running under the shelter on the other of the road. He ignores them, he doesn’t have time to think about that right now. Finally, he arrives at the metal gates guarding his front door which he pushes open and runs towards his front door.

He frantically takes off his shoes, tripping over his family’s footwear, staggering into his living room. “Kihyun, you’re soaking! Come here!” his concerned grabs a clean towel and ruffles Kihyun’s hair dry; “you must be so cold! Luckily I made some soup today.” She pats his back.  Kihyun couldn’t help but smile at his mother being so compassionate. He smiles and thanks her before going into his bedroom, unbuttoning his wet shirt and leaving them on the floor. He stared at his ceiling; he felt so.. empty? Maybe because he was hungry again but regardless, he grabbed his phone and the blue light beamed onto his face. There were a few messages from you and some messages on the group chat between you and Changkyun.

You: hey! Are you home yet? If you are, do you wanna play later? :]

You: Also isn’t it your friend Hyungwon’s birthday soon?

You: Kihyunnn

Kihyun replies to your messages;

Kihyun: yeah I just got home and it was pouring out there and yeah it is very soon how did you even remember that?

Kihyun: Uhh also for being online, [he thinks for a moment] maybe, my mother wants a family dinner.

You: plssss :< I miss playing with you <3

Kihyun sighs as the pair of you exchange some text messages before Kihyun had to go and have dinner with his family. You sit back in your chair a chamomile and ginger candle lit at your desk next to the bunny plushie Kihyun gave you, the flame dancing the music softly playing through the speakers. You had to study since you have been throwing it off for a while, so your pens and highlighters were scattered across your desk. Your puppy sits near your desk; “did you miss me today?” you pet Lucas before going back to your textbook. You realised prom was also a couple months away and you were thinking to ask Changkyun to be your date to prom, maybe you should ask Kihyun what you should do or maybe even Irene. Sudden fluttering intruded your stomach and you looked at yourself in the mirror diagonal to you and catch yourself smiling. You couldn’t help it. You check to see if anyone is online and of course, none other than Changkyun is in the waiting lobby for a game. Impulsively, you grab your headphones and join the game;

“well well well, look who it is again,” Changkyun’s voice sounded cheerful even through a pair of headphones, “Are you stalking me Dumpling.” He laughs since he knew you hated that nickname but he liked to hear your reaction. “Stop calling me that!” you pleaded. “are you pleading? Are you acting like your little puppy now hmm?” he mocks you. “Oh my god Kyun, shut up and start the game.” You sigh; you felt your heart palpitate slightly, the nervous butterflies swarming your stomach. A few minutes pass by, round after round, the pair of you sharing wins. “ where’s Kihyun?” Changkyun asks. “oh, well he said he was having dinner with his family, did not not message back?” You look at your phone the time stamp reading  READ 6:45pm. “He read the message, maybe he’s studying?” Changkyun suggests “maybe I should do that too,” you lean into your chair again, groaning at the workload for school since it was inching closer to your final exams, “maybe we should have a study group!” your exclamation startling Changkyun on the other end. “Hey, we did have one but someone decided they didn’t wanna come,” Changkyun sighs; “yeah that was you, Kyun…” you remind him making him chuckle. “ah yes, of course it was but maybe we should prioritise it now…”

Kihyun was sat with his mother in the living room, his head on his mother’s lap as she gently caressed his hair. Kihyun felt calm. He looked at his phone.

You: what do you think of study group again at Lucky’s Coffee? Like the old days!

You: it’d be good to share ideas and stuff like we did during study period at school!

Kihyun: yeah, that sounds cool :)

That emoticon felt strange

Kihyun went online for a little while to notice the ‘active 45 minutes ago’; a pit fell in his stomach, but it was fine, he wanted to play to relieve some stress. He gripped his controller and leaned back into his leather seat spending the rest of his night alone, playing something. His phone was flashing blue, notifications flooding his screen, which he didn’t see until it finally stopped. After a long session of gaming, Kihyun got bored and sat against his headboard and unlocked his phone and it was none other than you. You were asking to go to karaoke on the weekend with Changkyun and Irene, asking questions about the study group and also a question that stood out the most to him; how do I tell Changkyun how I feel? Kihyun didn’t even know himself so it was hard to give that advice and it was even harder when he had feelings for you, his best friend. He replied to all the messages before laying his head down and facing the wall, the sudden warmth of his sheets embracing him, his body sinking into his mattress as he drifted off very quickly.

The following morning was dismal and rainy. The 6 am clouds loomed over the city, hitting against the window to your room. You woke up to your dog at your feet and your lamp still lit from the night before however not only that, so was your computer on the loading screen. You were waiting for Kihyun but you feel asleep as your body hit the mattress. You read the replies from Kihyun as you roll out of bed and slip your feet into your slippers and stumble tiresomely through the door to the bathroom although your brother was taking his time for the last 20 minutes. “Hurry up,” you groan as you crouch outside the door, your phone sitting at the crease of your hand. You text Kihyun; “Good Morning, wanna grab some breakfast with me today?” you send with a smiley emoji. As Kihyun is drying his hair with a black towel, he grabs his phone off the desk and reads your message, pressing your name and opening the chat log.

“Yeah sure. Where do you wanna go or what do you want to eat?” he replies back. Kihyun puts the phone back onto the desk and finishes getting ready. He decided to wear his white shirt and cream coloured v neck vest that had blue and red strips at neck. He buttoned his cuffs and slipped on his maroon blazer, grabs his bag and heads for the door. It was ten minutes to 8 and Kihyun was on his way to get the bus to get to your house. “No breakfast today?” His mother asks as she sets breakfast for the rest of the family out. “oh um- I promised a friend I would get breakfast with them” he smiles nervously before shoving his feet into his shoes and dashing through the door catching the bus on time. He unlocks his phone and replies to you; “yeah, any café sounds go, I’ll be there soon.” He locks his phone and puts it into his pocket. Luckily today he came prepared and took an umbrella just in case.

You tap some lip tint on your lips, smearing it around with your finger, putting it back into your pouch and back into your bag. You spritz here and there your new fragrance and smile to yourself contently. You see Kihyun outside and you run to meet him outside; “the bus came quick today!” you sounded extremely cheerful today. “yeah, less traffic I guess, I don’t really know,” Kihyun nervously laughs. You and Kihyun walk to the nearest café around the corner and sit at the bar stool seats the look outside; Kihyun gets 2 steaming cups of coffee and two chocolate croissants. “wow, we haven’t met up before school in so long,” you sigh as you sip your piping hot coffee although you hiss at the hot liquid burning your tongue. Kihyun’s jumps and asks if you’re okay and passes you his water bottle to cool the tongue down. “no no, I’m fine thank you,” you take a napkin and pat your bottom lip. “is that a new lip tint you’re wearing?” he asks noticing a new shade. “yeah! I didn’t expect you to notice.” Of course, you wouldn’t, why would I be looking at your lips in the first place?

“look who it is,” Changkyun smiles and drapes his arm around Kihyun “bro, is your phone alright?” he takes it out of Kihyun’s blazer pocket. “nope seems fine to me, why haven’t you been replying to us?” He looks at Kihyun concerned as they walk to class together. “I’ve just been busy with my family, nothing much really plus I felt a bit ill yesterday because of the rain.” He nodded to himself. “ohh fair enough, don’t die on us like that bro,” he squeezes his arm. “how did little puppy get so good at video games?” Changkyun pulls you close to him. Your heart skips a beat and your cheeks flush a pinkish hue. Kihyun notices and his hands bury in his pockets and he clears his throat; “doesn’t her lip tint look nice on her?” he asks Changkyun, Changkyun turning his head with a smile to inspect your new lip tint. “wow, it does look nice on her, can I have some too?” he smirks knowing that it has an affect on you. You nervously laugh, “um no, it was expensive okay?” you scoff jokily. “how about the tint on your lips hm?” he squeezes you from your side. He did not just say that – Kihyun thought. “We can hang out after school if you want?” Kihyun suggests to you, and only you. “Not inviting me are we? I need to get a new moisturiser; can you help me?” He looks at you starry eyed. You nod at him, your cheeks aching from smiling so much; “Well, coffee is on me then I guess?” he pulls you and Kihyun in.

Period 1 – Business studies. It was a class that dragged on for hours yet you somehow loved to learn about different strategies and using statistics. You flip you pen between your fingers, your knee bobbing under the table as you tracked the time on the clock above the teachers desk. 25 minutes to go. You glance out side the glass window of the door and you see Changkyun waving at you, pointing towards the cafeteria – that was his way of saying there all in there today- you tilt your head and he makes his way. “um, ma’am what seems to be so interesting outside that you cant focus on your statistics?” your teacher taps her fingers on her desk. She was intimidating. “oh um no Miss, I just got distracted” you clear your throat. “hm okay,” she looks back at her computer. The bell finally rings and you were dismissed to break; you see your friends and Irene at the table today. “hey! Changkyun and Kihyun got you a drink and a snack, someone seems to be popular,” Irene nudges and whispers into your ear; “so which one will you pick,” she smiles smugly “ what do you mean, they’re my best friends?” you whisper back to her. She sighs and shakes her head, “text me later alright?” you nod in affirmation and look down at the table to see a strawberry smoothie drink and a gimbap triangle on the table. “thanks guys,” you smile at them. Kihyun leans back in his chair next to you and scrolls down his Instagram feed. “you’re awfully quiet today?” you prod his arm. “Yeah, just a bit tired today,” he croaks, “nothing much to be honest.” Jooheon was in your study period today accompanying you since the other three were in their classes. He was working on his music and was working hard to getting the highest grades to get a scholarship to go abroad for his degree course. “psst, hey,” he leans over the table to get your attention. “hm?” your response was instant since he never usually spoke in study periods, “have you noticed Kihyun acting strange lately?” he pouts thinking, “He said he’s been studying a lot so that’s what I assumed, why?” you stop writing and question him. “oh… nothing he just seemed abnormal but if that’s it then I guess now I know,” he smiles “how is university applications going?” Jooheon seemed intrigued. “Well, I got my place into Seoul University and all my other ones too but I’m definitely picking Seoul!” You respond to him certain you’ll go to Seoul. “cool, cool, I’m planning to go abroad to be honest, have you told the others about your acceptances?” he asks and you shake your head. “We promised to keep it until prom.” You nod. “Ruthless, how could you keep it for that long, I’d be so happy to spread the news!” Jooheon’s jaw drops at how good your secrecy skills were, “well, we wanna surprise each other you know?” Jooheon nods, understanding your point.

The basketball court was empty but that’s where you waited for the boys. You take your mirror and your lip tint, dabbing it onto your lips and smearing it with your finger; you reach into your bag for a tissue. “Hey there Dumpling, tissue?” he hands one from his packet. “What the fuck? Where you just watching me?” you elbow him. “watching you put that lip tint on that you said I can’t try? Yeah, I’m jealous you can be just as pretty as me!” His laughter immerses your heart in admiration. “wow, you’re so cocky!” you punch him. Kihyun wonders over, his plaid jacket over his shoulder; he strides over and greets the pair of you. “Hello, Lovebirds,” he glances at Changkyun and then you, “waiting for me? Let’s go.” He walks ahead. “Lovebirds? That’s new, do you see me and Little Dumpling together?” Changkyun shoots a playful look at Kihyun and you. “why would you say that Kihyun?” you fiddle with your fingers, a nervous pit falls in your stomach. Kihyun grabs your hand, “well maybe we should be lovebirds then?” he tried to let his playful side arise. “WOW! Kihyun, do you like her?” his eyes scan his expressions but all Kihyun gave was a side smile, “that was a quick assumption Kyun, jealous because I’m holding her hand?” The atmosphere was tense and almost too tense for you so you changed the subject. “there’s a corndog stall just before the mall we could have some of that or just go to a cheap little restaurant, I really want jjajangmyeon!”

At the shopping complex the three of you went to, you were looking at new jewellery and makeup for prom – especially the more pinky red tones. “This one would look good on you,” Kihyun picked a scarlet red lip tint and handing it to you to try. You already had some on so you turn to Changkyun, who was asking earlier to apply some for some reason, and beckon him over. “lemme try this on you, I already have some on,” you unscrew the lid and move closer to Changkyun. You could feel your heart beat out of your chest and your throat go dry. You elevate yourself, standing on the tip of your toes to apply the tint to his already pink lips although he lowers himself down for you, his eyes that captured the starry night, gazing back at you like you were the stars. “Do my lips look kissable yet?” his husky voice was low, it made you melt on the spot. It was to no surprise he’d say something along those lines – although lately he has been making remarks like this more frequently- but it caught you off guard. “h-huh, what?” you gulp. “Lips, kiss kiss” he moves closer and Kihyun returns to see what was happening and he clears his throat. “Just kidding, do you like the colour though,” Changkyun stands back straight and looks at Kihyun and back at you. “come on then let’s get this, you both must be hungry yall acting weird as hell.” He grabs a box of the shade you tried on him and heads to the tills.

“was he going to kiss you? Did I interrupt or something?” Kihyun asks, his heart aching ever so slightly. “n-no, that wasn’t my intention I didn’t know he’d do that!” you defend yourself. “did he make you feel uncomfortable, I’ll tell him to not make your uncomfortable just let me know and I’ll-” Kihyun was cut off by you; “no, he didn’t don’t worry. He’s not a creep for sure it’s just my feelings making me nervous but thanks for watching out for me.”

The evening went by quickly. The three of you enjoying your time together as much as you couldn’t until the evening came to an end and the departure began. You took the bus home with Kihyun again, his forehead pressed against the cool window pane and his bag between his arms. “are you asking Irene to prom?” you ask Kihyun, his head whipping to you like a deer seeing head lights for the first time. “why? Why do you ask, are we not going together?” his voice sounded upset, almost similar to sounding heartbroken. “oh no, I just thought you guys should because I wanted to ask Kyun to be my date, is that okay?” you sound like you were asking for permission but you didn’t want to sound condescending or rude by just stating it as a fact ‘I’m going to prom with Kyun, you go with Irene’ that’s wrong. “oh um I’ll just go with the boys and Irene then,” he nods and looks away to the busy evening streets. “oh my, really!” the excitement and relief floods your system, “you’re the best Kihyun, I love you so much!”

You love me the wrong way…

School was different now. You and Changkyun have very frequent flirtatious encounters and conversations and everyone began to catch on. Yet, Changkyun didn’t make a move yet. After school, specifically your evening classes you asked Changkyun to wait for you so you could walk home together or grab a coffee, to which he didn’t deny to. After making one last trip to your locker the locker is slammed in front of you making you jump. “KYUN! You scared me fuck sake,” you open it again to get your phone out. You both walk out, talking about whatever you usually talk about until you stop. “Changkyun…” you voice softens and you reach for his arm but he takes your hands into his and just holds it. You gulp before proceeding what you were going to tell him; “Firstly um.. I wanted to say that I-”

“I have feelings for you…”

“…I have feelings for you.”

You stop and nervously gulp and trying to not lose composure, your hands gripping his harder. You couldn’t believe your eyes or ears, did he really say it back? “Hey, don’t freak out but I thought it was obvious enough that I liked you?” he chuckles “who would’ve thought you’d return the feelings.” His hand rests on the back of your neck and you felt your cheeks burn like they were set alight. Your lips quiver nervously; his lips softly left a dainty kiss on your cheek and nothing more. “I wanted to ask if you’d be my date to prom? Is that what you wanted to ask me?” He smiles ever so purely. You nod. “well, today is your lucky day then!” He pulls you in for a hug. What the fuck just happened? He kindly walks you home and your mother sees him; “Changkyun, long time no see, come in!” she invites him in. “Oh thank you but I have to get home to help my little brother but maybe another time.” Your mother frowned. She saw Kihyun as a son but she had a strong liking towards Changkyun since you started high school.

School was different since the day Changkyun confessed to you. You weren’t expecting it at all but there you were, in an empty corner of the study room, with Changkyun next to you and Kihyun sitting opposite you. Whilst you were guiding your eyes across your page with your pen until Changkyun’s hand rested on yours on the table. Your instinctively moved your hand but you looked up at the distraught face as if he made you uncomfortable on accident. He mouthed, “I’m sorry” before turning back to his textbook, one hand resting in his lap; your hand glides over to his under the table and the hairs on Kihyun’s neck rose. He looked up to see you stare lovingly at Changkyun. It shouldn’t have bothered him so much, but it did. You gently pulled his hand closer to you and intertwined your fingers with his. He smiled at you, his hand burying in his free hand although when a teacher walked towards the table, you let go. She was searching for Jooheon; “is he not in today?” Kihyun asks. “no, this isn’t like Jooheon, I’ll ask for someone to phone home,” she stared you and Changkyun down. “work hard Changkyun.” Her voice was stern. Jooheon was actually performing today and no one but Kihyun knew. “He’s performing? Where?” you ask Kihyun. He answers your question before quietly going back to studying and checking his wristwatch.

Changkyun’s name flashes up on your phone and a smile is drawn across your face. You grab your phone and sit on your bed and tap at the screen to reply at the message. He asked when he could you and that Kihyun told him that he’d meet you both there. You sighed, you felt bad for leaving Kihyun out like that although you did try to get him a date – Irene – but it didn’t work out sadly.

A few weeks later…

Prom was surreal. The aura felt surreal. You sat at your dressing table and you twist the lid of the lip tint you bought with Kihyun and Changkyun and tapped it onto your lips and your apply some glitter to your eyes. You add a few more curls to your hair with your flat iron and spirts your perfume and turn around to look at yourself in the full length mirror. As you admire yourself, you hear someone at your door and a knock following it. “Hey Dumpling, it’s 7pm and I’m here to take you away,” he smiles looking down, standing up straight before walking closer to you. “I got this for you,” he pulls out a pink rose from behind him and hands it to you, his hands locking fingers with you. “first of all, that sounded so scary,” you laugh as you push him, palm on his chest but he hold your hand there. “wouldn’t our first dance be like this?” his arm wraps around your waist before your mother walked in and ruined the moment. “you should catch a taxi now by the way,” he points to the door “oh and don’t forget an umbrella!”

You didn’t think an umbrella was necessary so you didn’t take one but you and Changkyun sat at the back on the taxi. You were texting Kihyun;

You: hey! We’re on our way now. Are you there yet?

Kihyun: not yet, I’m waiting for Jooheon but he’s fixing his tie and we’ll leave. See you there

Kihyun hadn’t seen you yet and he knew for a fact it’d be like seeing something so heavenly for the first time. Not long after, everyone was together. The music, the lights, the crowds of people celebrating their final time together all in one room. You saw Kihyun holding a small bouquet of flowers until her saw you walk in hand in hand with Changkyun. Everything went grey and cold and his finger tips numb. He didn’t know what to do with the flowers, so he disappeared into the sea of people and returned, empty handed. You wave at Kihyun and the others and coverse with them until Changkyun and Kihyun went to get; Kihyun started a conversation with Changkyun.

“do you you really like her or is it a one time thing?” Kihyun asked, his tone bitter and dry.

“yea, I would believe so… I do like her?” Changkyun replies back “why do you sound… upset? Were you both a thing?” he questions as he stops what he was doing and turns around, “Is that what this is all about Kihyun?” Changkyun catches on quick.

“did you tell her you’re moving to the states or are you gonna hurt her by telling her last minute?” Kihyun bit down on his teeth hard, inhaling sharply.

“I- I haven’t but I’m sure she’ll understand right, she isn’t one to throw a fit Kihyun,” he puts a hand on his shoulder “It’ll be fine..” Changkyun smiles.

No, that wasn’t the point! Why can’t you get the message!

“I like her Changkyun and you knew I did but you go and confess you like her too?” Kihyun bites his lip drawing a little blood. “but she expressed her deep admiration for me, what else could I do? Break her poor heart?” There was an immediate silence. “Alright, this is in your hands…” Kihyun’s voice was harsh. Changkyun had never seen Kihyun so upset and hurt about something before after their years of friendship… hopefully this wouldn’t break the bond.

After a few hours, near the end of the night, the special event was taking place. King and Queen. “they do this in the states, I’ve seen it in movies-“ Jooheon jumps in excitement. “you’re too excited for this-“ you nudge him “let me be excited!” he smiles. Everyone goes quiet and mutters to each other who they think the winners would be. The girls who tried to get Kihyun’s attention waved at him from a far; “they definitely voted for you,” you scoff “why do you sound so disgusted, am I not worthy of prom king?” his gaze was strong, intimidating almost until he realised and smile to soften the mood. “Well Kihyun of course you are but those girls are trouble…” but during the conversation you were having with Kihyun you both missed the winners. You and Kihyun. As cliché as it sounds, you and Kihyun won. Everyone’s eyes were on you and Kihyun and you could see Changkyun at the back clapping for you, his eyes full of love and a hint of pain. You both received your prizes and from then on everything began to spiral…

“Since we didn’t tell each other where we’re going, let’s say it now in 3… 2...” you count down but you were interrupted by Changkyun. “I’m moving to the states for the rest of my studies.” He blurts out and gulps nervously hoping you wouldn’t think much of it. “w-what-” the smile drops and your face pales. “I’m mo-” he repeats but you stop him. “don’t tell me again, I heard…” you stare at him, eyes pooling. Has your heard already been broken? “why did you confess to me then?” Your dainty voice cracks. “because I wanted to and I knew you were going to do the same but-”

Everything sounded like it was underwater. You heard a faint ‘I’m sorry’ from him. You couldn’t hate him for moving that far, you couldn’t take that distance. Kihyun’s arm wraps around you and you immediately bury your head into his chest. Of course your childhood friend would always be there. “hey, don’t cry it’ll ruin your makeup” Kihyun tries to comfort you. Jooheon and Irene exchange awkward looks; “umm hey Irene should we umm go home?” Jooheon suggests, Irene fake yawns, “Yeah I’m getting tired, see you guys exam week,” She pushes past Changkyun and Jooheon follows.

Changkyun regrets his decisions, he should’ve stayed quiet. You regret yours too. The relationship couldn’t go on but luckily there wasn’t a proper start either. “we can still talk and be friends and despite the fact I like you.. that wont change,” he begins and you look up, your lashes wet from tears, “but feelings change with distance Kyun… sure we can be friends but god..” you tried to console yourself and so did Kihyun. “I’m sorry, I-I don’t know what more I can do…” He gulps. “maybe we should just depart for tonight and let the energy calm down” Kihyun suggested, “I can take you home if you want? He asked you and you nodded. “You can join if you want,” he gave Changkyun the option but he shook his head and said he’ll go alone. Everything was messy and your feelings should’ve been concealed. At least Kihyun was there to comfort you.

And I always will be.

↩ Chapter 1 

↪ 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 3

[moonstruckholland]

I Need You (p.p)

Word Count: 2,171

Warnings: angst? Little bits of fluff?

A/N: This was loosely inspired by an episode of Gilmore Girls 😂 I hope y'all enjoy and if ya do, I'd definitely love some feedback 💕 also shout-out to @hoe-forharry and @theadventurousqueen for reading this and helping me out 💖

Dealing with a breaking up was one of the hardest things you've ever had to do.

Barely a full twenty-four hours had passed, mostly spent in your pajamas, practically permanent tear stains on your cheeks from all the crying, and all you wanted was to be with the one person who could always make you feel safe; your best friend.

But what is one supposed to do when their best friend just happens to be the one that broke their heart in the first place?

You can't even remember how the argument started. One moment you were having a lovely dinner with the love of your life, prepared to have the movie marathon of a lifetime, and the next the two of you were spitting out things you were sure both of you would regret the next day. The night ended with your body going completely numb as you heard the words, "I think we need to break up," come out of Peter's mouth.

He was gone before you could manage to come up with a coherent thought, before you could beg him to stop and talk things out with you. You stared at your apartment door for a good 20 minutes in shock, hoping he would come back. He never did. You crawled into bed shortly after, a heaviness in your chest as you started to cry.

You weren't sure how long you laid there, tears flooding your face, never stopping, the numbness eventually going, leaving pure misery around to linger and force you to replay his last words to you in your head over and over. You fell asleep shortly after, only to continue the process again in the morning when you woke up to an empty bed and realized this was going to be your new normal from now on.

You tried everything to distract yourself. Well, everything that was within the vicinity of your bed, which included watching tv, reading your psychology textbook, and scrolling on your phone until you were forced to leave it alone to charge.

Nothing really worked, your mind coming back to Peter each time. You had to see him, talk to him, anything. You just needed him.

Before you knew it, you were unlocking your phone with a shaky hand, your fingers immediately tapping over the phone icon, Peter's number the first one to show on your call log. You hesitated over his name. Were you really about to call him?

Your body seemed to decide for you, pressing down on his contact before you could even really process or talk yourself out of it.

It rang a few times before disappointingly going to voicemail. You would've hung up if it wasn't for Peter's cheery voice ringing through your ears as his voicemail message started playing.

"Hey, it's Peter! Please lea-" you suddenly heard your own voice, saying something unintelligible in the background, making Peter laugh.

"Two seconds, babe, I'm trying to set up my-oh shit, it's still going. Um," you must've moved closer to him, your voice becoming clear as day you said "leave a message after the beep" with him, the two of you a mess of giggles.

You sounded so happy. What had changed from then to lead to heartbreak you were feeling now?

Your eyes were watering as you heard the sound of the beep.

"H-hey, Peter. It's me," you took a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, "Um, I know it's against protocol to call your ex after a break up, especially when it's only been a day, but I usually have my best friend here to talk me out of doing that."

You could feel the small resolve you had starting to break down, "I'm not really doing too great right now and I really need my best friend. Could you please come over? I need you, Pete."

You were full on crying now, sniffling in between your words. You were sure you were barely making sense at this point, "I-Um, please? Come here?"

Something inside of you snapped and you came to your senses, a gasp escaping your lips as you immediately hung up the phone. You felt so humiliated, how could you do that?

You threw yourself back on your bed with a groan, hoping more than anything that Peter would somehow not get that voicemail and you could save yourself from dying of embarrassment.

You spent the next hour contemplating your options on keeping Peter from hearing that message, your best ones being somehow getting into his apartment and deleting it or learning how to hack into his phone. Though you figured by this point he either hadn't heard it or had and didn't care. You almost hoped it was the latter, feeling guilty for calling him in the first place.

Suddenly there was a familiar tap on your window and you looked up to find your favorite masked hero sitting on the fire escape, giving you an awkward wave when your eyes met his. You rushed over to let him in, for a moment feeling like everything was normal.

"You're here," you mumbled, feeling breathless as you backed away to give him some space.

You watched as Peter crawled in, very ungracefully, immediately pulling off his mask, "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, I was out patrolling and Mr. Stark said if I broke another phone, he would make me use an old flip phone."

You would've laughed if you weren't in complete awe of the boy standing in front of you, the one who no matter what, would always have your heart. "I just can't-you're here."

"Of course I'm here," he hesitantly reached out, as if contemplating what he was about to do, before setting his hand on your cheek, "Are you okay?"

Out of habit, you leaned into hand, savoring the feeling of his skin against yours. You sighed both out of content and sadness, "I could be better."

"Yeah, me too."

He stepped away from you, leaving an aching feeling in your tummy at the lack of contact. He took in your appearance, making you look away self-consciously. You knew you looked like a mess, with your puffy, red eyes, and makeup smudged around your face. Your room didn't look much better, wrappers and tissues thrown across your bed, some on your floor. You didn't have to look at him to know Peter most likely had a look of concern and probably pity on his face.

"Have you eaten any real food today?"

You gave him your signature guilty smile, "Do mini kitkats and oreos count as real food?"

He sighed, "I'm ordering dominos."

"Peter, wait," you gently touched his arm, wanting to feel him under your fingertips one last time before saying what you were sure you would regret later, "You should go. It was selfish of me to call you like that and I feel horrible. I'm sorry."

Peter looked down, "Don't, feel horrible, I mean. I would be lying if I said I didn't need this, need you, too."

"Oh."

You felt a pang of guilt in your heart at his words, realizing you'd been so selfish you hadn't thought that Peter would be hurting too.

"So, uh, pizza," he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, "Pepperoni and bacon?"

"Yep! Can we get those wannabe garlic knot ball things too?"

"Is that even a question? Of course we can."

You smiled, your first smile of the day. You knew nothing was normal and this was a temporary happiness, but a whole pizza and many episodes of friends later, that thought was far away in the back of your mind.

You found yourself laying beside Peter, you head on his chest and his fingers playing with your hair. You talked about everything, reminiscing about high school and your childhood together, all the embarrassing stories that haunted the both of you at night, the classes you were going to take when your next semester started in the fall, anything to avoid the topic of your break up.

"You wanna know how I found out you were Spider-Man?"

Peter paused his soothing movements on your scalp, "What are you talking about? I told you I was Spider-Man."

"Do you remember the first time I went and visited you at the Stark tower junior year? Well, Tony must've thought you told me, because he dragged me over to his lab to show me the new suit he was making for your birthday."

"Wait, so Mr. Stark spilled the beans and you never told me?"

"He made me promise not to!"

Peter pulled away from you, dramatically laying back against your pillow, a hand clutching his chest, causing a burst of laughter to escape from your lips. "I'm offended! How could side with Mr. Stark over your boy-" he cut himself off with a cough, a blush on his cheeks as he realized what he was about to say, "um, best friend."

The air seemed to shift, that heaviness from the night before making a reappearance. You wanted to change the subject, make him laugh and see his heart stopping smile once more, but now that it was on your mind, you knew you couldn't put off talking about it anymore.

So much for avoiding the breakup.

"Peter," you sat up, crossing your legs underneath you, "I think we have to-"

"I know."

Your teeth tugged on your lips nervously as you heard Peter take a deep breath. You kept your eyes glued to your bedsheets, hoping if you didn't look at him you'd refrain from crying.

"I'm not happy anymore."

"With me?" You held your breath, waiting for the confirmation you knew would shatter your heart into tinier pieces than it already was.

"No! I-I love you, y/n. I always have."

Your eyes shot up at him, full of hurt and confusion. "I don't understand?"

"You're one of the few things I've always been sure about, a constant in my life I can always count on, but right now, you're all I'm sure about and I need some time to figure everything out."

"Maybe, I could help?"

He shook his head, "This is something I have to do on my own."

You didn't know what to say, a hundred thoughts going through your head. The insecure part of you questioned his explanation, what if was just trying to spare your feelings?

No, you knew Peter wouldn't lie to you, not unless he was trying to protect you.

You wanted to ask him more about what was going on with him, he'd always come to you when he was in trouble before, but you didn't want to push him.

"Maybe I should go," Peter said, bringing you out of your thoughts.

"No, please don't," you pleaded, "I want you here."

You shifted, laying back down beside him. You laced your fingers through his, a small wave of relief washing over you when he didn't pull his hand away. "Can we pretend everything's normal for tonight?"

"I'd like that."

In hindsight it was probably a bad idea, but neither of you didn't care. How could you when you got to spend the night in Peter's arms?

You stayed up almost all night, kissing, talking, being wrapped up with each like you would any other day. The two of you fell asleep around 4 am, Peter's head nuzzled into the crook of your neck, his arm around your waist. You knew in the morning the hurt would be back and you'd have to deal with it on your own, but at least you were content, that feeling following you in your dreams.

Peter was the first one to wake up, the small bit of sunshine peeking through your blinds hitting his face. You looked so peaceful beside him, mouth slightly ajar, letting out the softest breaths, the sunlight behind you making you glow. He wished more than anything he could stay.

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, softly whispering, “I love you,” against your skin, before carefully crawling out of bed. He quickly changed out of the clothes you'd given him last night, his clothes, your favorite shirt and pair of sweats you'd stolen from him a long time ago, and back into his suit.

Pulling his mask over his head, he slipped out the window, giving your sleeping figure one last look before closing it behind him. He hesitated on the fire escape, thinking about the lies he told you last night. He considered telling you the truth, telling you about the impending doom on it's way to shred the whole world apart and how he was apart of the solution to stop it.

'It's safer for her not to know,' he thought, convincing himself he was making the right decision, even if it meant losing precious time with you.

As he started swinging away, he sent out a silent prayer, hoping he'd come back from it all to make it up to you.

Tagging: @fangirlwithasweettooth @bravest-at-heart @constellatinq @devildisguiseasangel @hollandstea @ravenclawmarvel​ @rachramblesstuff​ @fairytaleparker​ @angelhaz11​ @parkerpuff​ @petersmparker​ @nedthegay​ @spaceship707​ @parkeroffline​ @lovinnholland​ @tomhollandsumbrella​ @awkwardfangirl2014​ @officiallyunofficialperson​ @babebenhardy​ @sleepybesson​ @its-the-unknownspidey​ @antoouu​ @petersstarcadet​ @kxrtwxgner​ @styles-balor4eva​ @80sthottie​ @meghan-8520xx​ @marshyrebelcloud​ @jillanaholland​

[pianogal]

Flirting Lessons

Summary: Just as Dan was about to give up on love, Dan becomes Phil's tutor. (University AU)

Word Count: 2k

This phanfic is a gift to @phanetixs from @phandomgiftexchange !! I hope you like it!!

꧁꧂

In an attempt to cheer me up, Pj has offered his vast knowledge in the art of flirting. He's convinced me that a good distraction will occupy my mind. As Pj and I walk down the hallway to the cafeteria, we rehearse this week's lines.

"You're cute, wanna bang?" I say sarcastically.

"C'mon Dan! If you really want to be back in business, you have to take it seriously!" Pj complains.

I know exactly why he urges me to 'get back in business.' Deep down we all know that I haven't gotten over my breakup. Although it's been 4 months, the thought of Charlie churns my stomach. It's not that I miss the guy, it's the way he chose to dump me. It wasn't the typical: "It's not you, It's me." He went ahead and said: "It's definitely you."

I always thought flirting was stupid. And the reason for it is because I really have no idea how to flirt. People make it look so easy, but to me it's worse than math. It's my fault for asking Pj to teach me how to flirt.

The cafeteria is a wide open space filled with round and square tables circulating the area. From the direction of our dorms, the smoothie bar is positioned to our left, right next to a group of fairly attractive college students. Although Pj made me practice my lines, I was not ready to put them in practice.

"Do you remember what to say?" Pj asks.

I look at him and widen my eyes. I realized what little confidence I have in walking up to random guys, let alone flirt. "I think this is a bad idea," I admit.

"No it's not! I say you should walk up to them and ask them to marry you," Pj encourages. Before I could protest, Pj began pushing me towards their direction.

As I walked to my doom, I realized a pair of eyes staring at me. I see Charlie to my right watching as Pj forces me to interact with the group of guys. Pj notices where my attention is and whispers behind my ear, "Show Charlie how much these guys would kill to date you."

Pj stops pushing me just a few feet in front of the group. All 4 guys notice my sudden appearance and look side to side as if silently questioning which of them knew me. I turn back to see Pj heading to the smoothie bar while Charlie patiently waits for my failure to sink in.

"Uh, do you guys take Literature with Professor Starch?" Was the only sentence I could come up with.

Each guy looks at their group before saying anything. The tall brunette on the left answers, "None of us do. Sorry." After his response, they all began to walk the opposite direction of me. I then turn to see Charlie walking towards me while laughing at my misery.

"Did you really think you could find a rebound?" Charlie chuckles.

"Yeah I was hoping to do the same thing you did," I harshly replied.

Charlie straightens his posture so as to stand taller than me. He pushes his dirty blonde hair from his face and relaxes his devious grin. "You wish you could find a rebound like I did," Charlie walks away after saying what I thought to be the worst thing I needed to hear at that moment.

"What the hell happened?" Pj rushes to me while holding his newly purchased strawberry and banana smoothie. "What did that jerk say to you?"

Although Charlie meant nothing to me, his words would always take a toll on me. Probably because he knew exactly what my biggest insecurities are. He used every single one to taunt me. In this case, he made it very clear that I would never be good enough to earn love.

"I need to go. Class starts in 15 minutes and I need to talk to my professor about an assignment," without waiting for her response, I walk away and head to class.

I lied to Pj about speaking to my professor before class started. It was just an excuse to get away from everyone. I needed time to process all the events that went down. I sit on the far end of the room. No one is here yet, but soon enough students will start rolling in.

I feel stupid. I don't want to tell anyone about how I feel because they'll probably think I can't get over a breakup. It's not that I still love Charlie. It's the fact that Charlie dumped me because he wasn't happy with me. 4 months ago, Charlie said he preferred to be single than to be with me. 

I loved him and for a while I thought he loved me too. I couldn't understand why someone that loved me would dump me out of nowhere. And I wonder if I wasn't good enough for Charlie, who the hell is going to love me? I'm not attractive, my personality sucks, I'm not outstanding in any way, and I don't even have my shit together.

"Is this seat taken?" A tall, well built guy broke me away from my train of thought. I look at him for a second to take in his completion. Fair skin, black hair to match with his pair of blue eyes. He wears a plain white t-shirt along with black jeans. I stopped myself from drooling.

I look down at the seat and look back to his eyes. It's been two weeks since class started. The only person who sat next to me dropped out the second day of class. With a sly smile, I say, "Nope, you can sit here."

"Thank you," he smiles back. He pulls the chair away from the table and relaxes into his new seat, "My name is Philip, but you can call me Phil. I've been absent for the past few weeks due to illness. Have I missed anything important?"

"Well, uh… I’m Dan." I'm dumbfounded. I couldn't believe how someone this attractive is sitting next to me. Then again, I'm sure the only reason he's hanging out is just to pass the class. Even so, I already failed flirting this morning. I was not planning at all to fail again.

"We had several assignments due each week, but they're not worth much. Probably ten points each. Maybe if you talk to Professor Starch he can give you an extension for them," I smile politely once more.

Phil sighs and leans back into his chair. Our gazes turn over to Professor Starch waltzing into the classrooms as he hurriedly reaches his desk. He logs on to the monitor and turns on the projector screen. I steer my attention away from our Professor and redirect it to my notes to hide my face. As much as I'd love to get to know Phil more, I can't stand but feel like it's a waste of his time to speak to me.

"Good afternoon everyone!" Professor Starch greets. "I hope everyone is doing well. I apologize for being late, I was deciding if I wanted to come to work today." Light chuckles fill the room. "Today we will be discussing ‘Don Quijote.’"

As I flipped through my notes, Phil lays his hand on my wrist. I look over to see him staring straight at me. "I know this is sudden, but do you think after class we can meet up and go over what I've missed?"

I really want to, but I don't know how Pj would feel if I bailed out our study session for a cute guy. "I don't know if I can after class. But I'm sure if you talk to the professor he'd be cool. He's really nice and-"

Phil moves closer to me and says, "I don’t have anyone else who can help. Can we please meet after class, Dan?"

"Of course," I immediately reply.

I have absolutely no idea why those words came out of my mouth. It is almost as if I had no control on what I said. I didn't even think about my answer. I realized my eyes are still trained on Phil. I can feel my face heating up and quickly look away. I didn't want him to think I was desperate to meet with him. There goes my last bit of dignity.

"I really appreciate your help, Dan," he smirks and turns to look at what Professor Starch has written on the board.

I sigh and reply, "No problem." 

꧁꧂

"The reason Don Quijote turns into a knight is because..." It's been an hour of nonstop tutoring. Although I'm grateful for the view, it is time consuming to be teaching two weeks worth of Literature. 

"Because of the books he’s read?" Phil almost asks.

"Yep! We just have to finish chapter five and then you'll be all caught up," I say to him, but also with the intent of reassuring myself.

We are seated in the right corner of Amy's Baking Company. We chose this spot because it's quiet and has comfy chairs. Not many people are here today. A couple of students spread across the Bakery, but other than that, it's pretty dead today.

"Do you mind if we take a little break," Phil asks.

"Yeah sure," I was hoping he'd feel as tired as I was. I close my notebook and focus on my new assignment that popped up on my computer screen.

"Tell me about yourself," Phil speaks up. I stare at him for a second. I'm trying to decide if there's any possible chance that Phil could be interested in me. Now I think about all the things I could say to sell myself.

"Well, I'm 20, I'm in my sophomore year, I'm a Political Science major and..." How do I make a move?

"And?" Phil leans forward against the table, as if intrigued by what my last response could be.

"I'm single…” My response of the year. 

Phil chuckles. I couldn't read him at all. I wasn't sure if he was ready to walk out the door and drop out of class or go along with my answer/question. I thought I'd had enough earlier, but I guess I came back for round 2.

"I'm 24, I took a gap year to figure out what I wanted to study. I'm now an English major and I'm single too," he then winks and smirks at me. "Why are you single?"

"I'm not good at flirting," I admit. "What about you?"

"No reason," he says without blinking.

"Why not?" I press for more information. 

"There’s no one that interests me,” Phil deadpans. 

"That sucks," is the only thing I could muster. By this point, I couldn't look at him directly. I tried to avoid his gaze by looking at my laptop's screen.

Part of me was hoping Phil would ask me out. Guys never ask me out for anything. The fact that Phil wanted to study with me after class is news to me. Curiosity washed over me. I want to know why he wasn’t interested in anyone. 

"How come?" I ask, now returning my full attention to Phil.

Phil then tilts his head. I suppose my question must've caught him off guard. "Well, you don’t know how to flirt.” 

“That I… what?” I ask. 

“I’m not interested in you yet because you haven’t flirted with me,” Phil smirks. 

My eyes widened. I feel my cheeks heat up once more. “Why would I flirt with you?” 

“I guess I thought you liked me,” he smiles cheekily. 

“What makes you think that?” I ask while my cheeks readen.

“Just a hunch.”

I sigh and say, “You seem to like me then.”   

"Tell you what," Phil pulls out his cell and unlocks it. He hands me over his phone with the 'New Contact' screen laid out. "Let's exchange phone numbers. When you learn how to flirt, give me a call."

“For what reason would I tell you?” I ask knowing his response. 

“So you can ask me out,” Phil stands from his seat and winks before he turns and leaves the bakery. I suppose I’ll have to beg Pj for more lessons.

[antiadvil]

Somebody to Love

summary: Dan and Phil’s first meeting in 2009, loosely inspired by the song Somebody to Love by Queen

rating: PG13

wc: ~3k

notes: for the @phandomreversebang! art provided by @anironsidh and betad by @awkwardest-sam. writing this fic was... a journey, and they were a really great and supportive team the whole time and I really appreciate them <3

read under the cut or on ao3

Dan’s train was running late, and he couldn’t stop his anxiety from running absolutely wild. He hadn’t missed it, had he? Maybe it had showed up early and left before he got there. Maybe it had showed up while he wasn’t paying attention and left already. Maybe it had-

The train pulled into the station. Dan relaxed his shoulders. He wasn’t going to miss his train. He managed to stay calm for a few minutes after he boarded until a sudden new thought hit him.

What if he missed his stop?

He groaned, letting his head drop into his arms. He couldn’t even get a ten minute break from his ridiculous thoughts.

He took a deep breath, trying to focus on something else. To try to distract himself, he pulled out his pen and notebook to work on a few video scripts.

He had finally gotten into a groove, allowing himself to forget his worries, when the train lurched as it approached its first stop, sending Dan’s pen and notebook spilling to the floor. He picked up the notebook, but his pen had already slid out of sight.

Great. Looks like he was going to have to find some other way of passing the remaining two and a half hours of his train ride.

He stared out the window, trying to calm his nerves, but his leg was bouncing up and down almost uncontrollably. He put his hand on his knee, forcing it down.

It was hard to believe that after months of nonstop texting and skyping, he was about to meet the boy from his computer screen in person. He still remembered the first time they had spoken, when he had finally gotten up the courage to message that cool youtuber on twitter.

He had sent him a message about a Queen song, and was shocked to receive a reply. He still was a little bit shocked every time Phil messaged him. Every time, he thought Phil would get tired of him. Every time, Phil kept coming back.

They had talked about their favorite band for hours that night. Then the conversation had shifted to themselves, their families, their hopes and dreams.

They still talked about music sometimes. It was a nice excuse to be in constant contact.

His fingers itched to text Phil, the way they always did when he was anxious, but he and Phil had been trying to stick to Skype lately. Last month’s phone bill had not been fun to pay. He shouldn’t text Phil until he arrived, to tell him where he was so they could meet.

His leg was bouncing again. He sighed in frustration, wishing he hadn’t lost his pen.

He bought a magazine to flip through. It was surprisingly entertaining. He managed to lose himself in it for nearly half an hour before he checked the time again.

Fuck the phone bill. Dan gave in and pulled out his phone. nervous (^_^;), he sent.

good, Phil sent back nearly instantly.

good?

im nervous too and im not allowed to be the only one

Dan laughed. His phone buzzed again

in a few hours we can be nervous 2gether

Dan couldn’t think of anything to send in response to that other than a smiley face.

now go away u spork remember ur phone bill

Dan let a smile break across his face. Phil did that to him frequently. fine, Dan sent quickly.

He returned to his magazine, calmer this time. It was silly to be so worried. It was just Phil. Phil, who he had known for months now. Phil, who he wanted to meet. Phil, who wanted to meet him.

Everything was going to be alright.

When his train arrived in the station, Dan climbed out, letting his eyes search for Phil. Quickly, they landed on a tall, pale boy with dark hair wearing a green plaid shirt. “Phil!” he shouted.

The boy brightened, looking to find the source of the noise. “Dan!”

“Phil,” Dan said again, running towards him, and the other boy was running too, and suddenly they were in each other’s arms, finally, after all these months of imagining.

Phil was holding Dan tighter than he’d ever been held, but it didn’t hurt. It was one of the nicest things Dan had ever felt.

After what felt like an eternity, Phil pulled back. “How was the train ride?”

“Good,” Dan said, his smile so wide he thought his face might split in two. “How was your bus ride?”

“Someone recognized me,” Phil pouted.

Dan laughed. “You’re a proper celebrity now.”

“I don’t want to be a proper celebrity,” Phil whined.

“You’d be a good celebrity.”

“How is someone a good celebrity?”

Dan shrugged. “You’re cute.”

Phil rolled his eyes. “Is that all?”

“Yes.” Dan giggled, though he hadn’t meant to. It was silly, he thought, a nineteen year old giggling over a boy.

Phil was smiling, too, though, and a bit of pink was showing through his pale skin on his cheeks, so he must not mind.

“Where to first?” Dan asked.

“Starbucks,” Phil said, bouncing up and down. “Starbucks, Dan, we have to-”

Dan laughed. “You’re such a sugar fiend.”

“C’mon!” Phil tugged at his hand.

Dan looked down at their hands in shock, surprised to find them tangled together.

“Sorry,” Phil said sheepishly, dropping Dan’s hand.

Dan wiped his hand on his jeans, then immediately cursed himself. He didn’t want Phil to think it was because of him, his hand was just sweaty. “No, you’re good- um.”

“Yeah. No. We’re in public, I should have-” Phil stuffed his hands into his pockets. “So, uh, Starbucks?”

“Starbucks,” Dan agreed, gesturing for Phil to lead the way.

“Right,” Phil said, heading down the street. Dan followed. “What are you planning to get?”

Dan shrugged. “Whatever you get. You’re the expert.”

“Well, I haven’t actually decided what I’m getting yet,” Phil explained.

“Oh really? What are the frontrunners?” Dan asked.

Phil spent the rest of their walk explaining his various drink options, each sugarier than the last. “So I think maybe the caramel macchiato. Maybe? I can’t decide.”

Dan interrupted before Phil could go through his list again from the beginning. “You should get the caramel macchiato.”

“You think so?”

“I think so,” Dan confirmed, opening the door to the starbucks.

Phil bought their coffees, over Dan’s protests. “You’re the one who came to visit me,” he said. “Let me do this for you.”

Dan gave in. “I’ll buy you coffee if you ever come to Reading.”

“Deal.” Phil took a long sip of his coffee and let out a long, relieved breath afterwards. “So good.”

“The caffeine or the sugar?”

“Yes,” Phil said.

Dan took a sip of his own drink. It was good. Maybe not as good as Phil thought it was, but good.

“I’m trying to cut back on coffee,” Phil said mournfully. “I only had three cups this morning.”

Dan snorted. “Only three?”

“Yes.” Phil stared glumly at his already half empty cup of coffee.

Dan shook his head in mock sympathy. “You poor thing.”

Phil finished his coffee with disturbing speed. Dan did his best to keep up, but to avoid burning his tongue, he had to finish about ten minutes after Phil.

Phil’s tongue must be nearly burned off from how quickly he had

Dan should stop thinking about Phil’s tongue.

“Where do you want to go now?” Phil asked, saving Dan’s mind from going to some places it really shouldn’t be going right now.

“Can we just walk around for a bit?” Dan asked.

“Sure!” Phil was bouncing on his toes, already ready to move.

Dan wondered if he was as thrumming with nervous energy as Dan was. “Lead the way, then.”

Phil knew his way through Manchester better than he let on, pointing out a few shops and landmarks he recognized along their walk. “There’s so much to do here. We’ll have to come back sometime.”

Dan absentmindedly agreed. It was nice, the thought that this would happen again. That he could come back. That Phil didn’t seem to hate him yet.

Dan almost missed the apple store when they walked past, but he saw it out of the corner of his eye and stopped. “Wait,” he said, “I want to post a selfie.”

“Ooh,” Phil said. “Good idea.” He opened the door and gestured for Dan to follow him.

They got lucky when they were immediately able to snag a free laptop. Phil opened photobooth and messed with his hair in the camera. Dan did his best to straighten out his hair, and struck a pose.

Phil put on a (ridiculous) facial expression and took a photo.

Dan stepped up to take a look. “Wait,” he said, stepping back. “My hair looks wrong. Can we retake it?”

Phil rolled his eyes, but stepped back into his pose to take a new picture.

About 20 pictures later, they had finally taken one Dan was satisfied with. He logged into his dailybooth account quickly, doing his best to ignore the line of people growing behind him.

“There,” he said, pressing post and logging out of his account.

He did his best not to make eye contact with anyone in the line behind them as they left the apple store.

They found a bench in a nearby park and spent the next few hours people watching, making up stories about the people they saw.

“She’s in an unhappy marriage,” Dan whispered. “She’s having an affair with him.” He pointed to the man across the playground from her, where her daughter was playing.

Phil took a bite of the sandwich he had bought from a nearby cafe. “Does her daughter know?”

“Of course not, Phil. She’s like, five.”

“Just hoping for maximum drama,” Phil said around another mouthful of sandwich.

Dan grimaced. “Stop chewing with your mouth open. It’s gross.”

Phil swallowed. “Your mum’s gross.”

Dan hit Phil on the back. “Take that back.”

“You first.”

“No.”

“Then I guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree.” Phil looked almost sad.

Dan snorted. “Let’s disagree to disagree.”

“How does that work?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t put much thought into it yet.”

Phil laughed, taking the last bite out of his sandwich and brushing a few crumbs out of his lap.

Dan checked the time. “Is there anything else you want to do before we go back to your place?”

“Well,” Phil said. “I, uh. Have a reservation for after dinner.”

“A reservation?” Dan looked down at his clothes. He hoped it wasn’t too nice.

“The sky bar,” Phil said. “I don’t know if you know it, I’m sorry, I-”

Phil looked so anxious. “No,” Dan said, doing his best to sound reassuring. “It’s fine, just… unexpected.”

Phil smiled in relief. “We should get going if we’re going to make it on time.”

When they got to the sky bar, Dan looked at the menu and tried not to panic at the prices.

“I’ll pay,” Phil said quietly. “Don’t worry about it.”

That only made things slightly better.

Phil must have noticed that the worry didn’t fall from his face, because he tried to reassure Dan again. “Really, it’s fine. Get whatever you want.”

Dan nodded, but he scanned the menu for the cheapest items and ordered those anyway. Phil had just graduated uni; he wasn’t exactly rolling in money, and Dan didn’t want to feel like any more of a burden on him than he already did.

It didn’t matter. His drink tasted incredible.

“Is it alright?” Phil asked, still anxious.

“It’s perfect,” Dan said. It was. The sun was beginning to set, and the view from this high up was beautiful. The view next to him was even prettier.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, staring out the windows and watching the sun bathe everything in a warm, golden glow.

Dan reached for Phil’s hand under the table. Phil reached back.

***

It was dark when they boarded the bus back to Rossendale. The bus was nearly empty, but they chose two seats in the back, as far away from everyone else as possible.

“Busses are weird.” Dan yawned.

Phil giggled. “It’s not even late. Are you tired?”

Dan glared. “Shut up.”

Phil stuck out his tongue. “Make me.”

Dan hoped his face wasn’t as red as it felt. “Shut up,” he managed to squeak out.

Phil sat back in his seat, smiling in satisfaction.

“Shut up,” Dan whined, poking him.

“You sound like a broken record. Do you say anything other than shut up?”

“Shut-” Dan stopped. “Yes,” he insisted.

Phil smirked. “Prove it.”

“I’ve said so many things other than shut up today.”

Phil shrugged. “If you say so.”

“I do.” Dan leaned back into his seat, trying to project confidence.

Phil shrugged again. “I believe you,” he said, with the air of someone who absolutely did not believe the person they were talking to.

Dan sighed, and changed the subject. “How long is the ride?”

“About half an hour, hopefully,” Phil said.

His train ride had been much longer than that. He could survive this. Especially with Phil with him.

“I met a boy on the train once, you know,” Phil said, startling Dan out of his thoughts.

Dan looked up, slightly confused. Why was Phil telling him about some other boy? ���You did?”

“Yeah,” Phil laughed. “He was really cute, too. We spent the whole train ride talking, and it turned out he actually lived really close by. This was when I was in uni. But anyway, at the end, he asked me for my number, so I gave it to him, and then-” Phil paused to hide his face.

“Then what?” Dan asked, perplexed.

“I texted him,” Phil said, muffled.

“What’d you say?”

“I asked him if he was asking me out,” Phil said, still with his face hidden in his arms.

“Was he?” Dan asked, though he suspected the answer by now.

“No,” Phil whined, lifting his head up. “He wasn’t. He was straight.”

Dan couldn’t help a horrified giggle.

“It’s not funny,” Phil said, though a smile was starting to peek through his carefully composed sulk.

Dan wanted to stop laughing, he really did, but he just couldn’t. His giggle grew until it was the dumb hyena laugh he always felt self-conscious of, but with Phil sitting next to him, he didn’t mind.

Phil was starting to laugh a little bit too. He buried his head in Dan’s shoulder to hide it. “You’re the worst.” He landed a half-hearted punch on Dan’s ribs.

Dan just laughed harder. “That’s awful, oh my god.”

“So stop laughing!” Phil whined.

Dan finally managed to quiet his laugh. “It’s a good thing, though, really. Because now you have me instead of stupid bus boy.”

“You’re so much better than stupid bus boy,” Phil whispered, reaching for Dan’s hand to give it a quick, reassuring squeeze.

The warmth of his hands lingered even after they were gone.

***

Phil’s house was dark and quiet when they finally arrived. Dan didn’t know what else he had expected. Phil’s parents weren’t home; that was the whole reason he was visiting right now.

Dan declined politely when Phil asked if he wanted a full house tour, instead choosing to dump his backpack on Phil’s bedroom floor without asking first. He thought, halfway through doing it, that maybe he should have checked first, but Phil didn’t seem to mind, so he just left it.

Phil’s bedroom looked different than it did on Skype. Less grainy.

Phil dropped himself onto his bed, gesturing for Dan to follow him. “Wanna play some music?”

“Sure,” Dan said, sitting down next to Phil. “Queen, probably, it’s the least we can do to thank them for bringing us together.”

Phil laughed. “Not because they’re good?”

“No. Just because gay.”

“Freddie Mercury would be proud,” Phil said.

“He probably would be,” Dan admitted.

“What song?”

Dan thought about it a bit, chewing at the inside of his lip. “Somebody To Love,” he finally said.

Phil grinned. “Excellent choice.”

“Thank you,” Dan said, basking in the glow of Phil’s approval as the piano started playing. “I can play this on piano, you know.”

“You can?”

“Yeah. I can play most Queen songs.”

Phil tilted his head. “You’ll have to show me sometime.”

“But you don’t have a keyboard.”

Phil tilted his head. “Guess I’ll have to visit you sometime.”

Dan couldn’t help the nervous thrill that ran through his stomach. “A shame, really. You have no other option.”

“I’ll survive.”

Dan hummed along to the chorus.

Phil poked him. “Just humming? Coward.”

Dan startled. “What?”

“I want to hear you sing.” Phil’s eyes were twinkling with the slightest bit of mischief.

“No. Absolutely not.” Dan crossed his arms.

“Fine,” Phil said. “I guess I’m going to have to sing myself.”

“That’s almost worse,” Dan said.

Phil pouted. “I’m a great singer.”

“I’m sure.”

Phil began to sing along, his voice warbling.

“Shush,” Dan said. “I want to hear Freddie Mercury.”

Phil sighed, but switched to dramatically lip syncing instead.

“Much better,” Dan said, trying to control his facial expression so Phil couldn’t tell that he was being a little bit cute right now.

Phil’s performance was so over the top it was honestly funny, until he reached the end of the song. He sang along, softly this time, looking directly at Dan in a way that gave him goosebumps.

Dan couldn’t help but look away.

“How was my performance?” Phil asked.

“It was alright,” Dan said, leaning back on his elbows.

“Oh yeah?”

Dan sat back up. “Not too relatable, though.”

“Why not?”

“I’ve already found somebody to love,” Dan said, smiling at Phil.

“Really,” Phil said, teasing. “Who?”

Dan felt his cheeks warm. “You probably don’t know him. He goes to a different school,” he managed.

Phil laughed. “I like you too.”

Dan didn’t think it was even possible for his cheeks to be any warmer. “I guess you’re kind of cool too.”

“Shut up,” Phil said, pulling Dan closer.

“Make me,” Dan said.

“Okay,” Phil said, promptly kissing him.

Dan shut up for quite a while after that.

[unichrome]

I’ve been wanting to write down as much as I can remember from the month at the hospital in April, and this tumblr blog is the only thing I have that even remotely resembles a journal. So here it is, feel free to read and comment if you’d like, but please don’t reblog.

I was living in Copenhagen when this happened.

A few weeks prior, I started a new medication, an antipsychotic so the usual side effect was to be expected: tiredness. But I’ve been in this carousel before, I know the worst is over after a week or so. I did indeed become extremely tired, and this was during working-from-home corona days so most shifts I ended up napping in the couch at any chance I got. Easily slept 12+ hours per night. It kept getting worse, I couldn’t stay awake during the days, became extremely lethargic. And it didn’t get better after a week, it just kept getting worse. So I called my psychiatrist and told her the medication wasn’t working and I felt so very bad and tired.

I got a new appointment with her, which I can’t even remember really. She got worried and sent me off to the psychiatric ward, where they did the standard blood test. Then sent me off to a room. Luckily I had anticipated for something like this to happen, so I had brought the work phone as well as chargers, so I could call in sick to work. A while later, three people suddenly entered and told me I had to go to the hospital right now, two of them were from the hospital transport. They took me to Amager hospital, I was so confused and not really present at all. I don’t know what they told me, but I needed a blood transfusion immediately. I stayed there for a night, the only thing I can remember is going to the bathroom once.

The Amager hospital apparently wasn’t capable of providing the care I needed, I was transported yet again, to Rigshospitalet. The memories from here on are very blurry and sporadic. Eventually I heard that both of my kidneys were failing, when I was admitted on April 22nd, my kidney functionality was around 18%. If it drops under 20% it becomes lethal. Kidneys are also responsible for the production of blood, which wasn’t happening anymore and I had a very dangerously low count of red blood cells.

I’m super difficult to get blood from if the first attempt isn’t successful, as the poor nurses became painfully aware of after failing on the first try. During one of the first days there, when the daily blood test was to be taken, they didn’t succeed. Three nurses tried, eventually they called for a narcosis doctor to try with a ultrasound machine to find my veins, but it didn’t work very well either. They stung me all around the body, down to my feet and it took at least an hour to get the sample and my body had pretty much gone into shock since medical procedures and needles of any kind are one of my worst fears. Because of this it was decided to install a port for draining blood so this wouldn’t have to be repeated every day.

A kidney biopsy was ordered as well as more detailed blood tests to figure out why this kidney failure was happening. I would also have to call my parents in Sweden and tell them what was happening, and the fact that they couldn’t come and visit me, at all. I was in a quarantined zone of the hospital where no visitors were allowed, not even family. But also Denmark had closed its borders at the time, so they couldn’t even enter the country in the first place.

My only contact with the outside world was my phone that I treated as the most precious thing in the entire world, it was also pretty much the only thing I had with me. I would have long calls with my family talking about the most mundane and boring things but it was such a blessing to hear about, I would drag out the subjects as much as I could and so would they. I’d often cry after having to stop the calls.

The biopsy and tests revealed that I had antibodies that shouldn’t be there. My immune system was attacking the body, pretty much. This autoimmune disease is very rare, Microscopic Polyangiitis, and will cause kidney failure (and other organ failures) if not discovered and treated in time. Since I barely had any prior symtoms, it wasn’t discovered in time. My lungs were also examined as the disease usually targets kidneys and/or lungs, but no significant damage was found there luckily.

I was put on steroids (prednisone 60 mg) that would support the kidneys and dampen the damage from the antibodies as well as chemotherapy (Sendoxan 100 mg) that would shut down the immune system almost completely. Synthetic hormone injections every week to stimulate the production of red blood cells.

Every morning a blood test was done a 6:00, as well as checking the temperature and blood pressure. I was forced to drink 3 liters of fluid every day (which I logged on a paper meticulously - every ml counted) and I could only pick between water, disgusting orange juice or disgusting apple juice. Except during lunch, when I got a small package of milk - this became pretty much the highlight of my day. One glass of milk. That was like pure joy, it tasted so divine. In just a few days your entire world shifts in such a way that this package of milk is what you look forward to the next day.

All day I was bedbound and in a haze, time was entirely dependent on medicine, meal and test times like a work schedule, from the 6:00 tests to the final 23:00 medications, that left 7 hours of rest that was robbed from me because prednisone makes you unable to sleep well, even with the sleep aids I got. Despite being in bed almost all day every day, I was constantly sleepy and tired but I would never get any rest. Couldn’t even pee normally either, had to collect everything in a bottle for them to log.

But of course it would get worse. After about 6 days, my doctor came in and told me that the treatment didn’t seem to be working fast enough. My kidney functionality kept dropping, now at 13%, creatinine levels above 400 (it should never be above 80 for women, around 200 is kidney failure). They had one more weapon to combat this - plasmapheresis. This would mean connecting me to a machine that would take out my blood, clean it from the harmful antibodies, and put it back in again. Hopefully this would buy me time for the treatment to win. To do this, they had to cut up my throat to insert two tubes that would take in and out the blood. I had to be awake during the whole procedure to control the breathing as instructed.

I wasn’t connected to the machine all the time. A few hours every other day. It was noisy, sounded like a miniature washing machine, and I hated it so much. The tubes in my throat, blood going in and out of me, it was just pure terror even if the procedure itself didn’t hurt. I got some mild sedatives but they were way too mild and didn’t do shit. The fact that I didn’t have to be connected to the machine every other day became yet another highlight like the milk. I’d talk about how today was such a good day because it was a no machine day, like a holiday.

Showering was horrible too. Because of the tubes I had to avoid getting them wet as much as possible while still somehow washing the hair. Then the tape around the tubes had to be changed and I hated anyone touching that area. I went for as long as I could between the showers, up to 9 days.

I was quickly becoming very weak, as the medications and chemo ate away at my bones and muscles. My legs have always been strong, I’ve had no problems doing squats with a grown man hanging on my back. But one day when I was in the bathroom, I spilled some toothpaste on the floor. I squat down to wipe it, but I couldn’t get back up again. My legs were way too weak. I ended up having to drag myself up via the toilet and sink, it felt so humiliating I refused to use the button to call for help. I bet it took several minutes to get back up standing.

It was still very unsure if I would make it, the plasmapheresis wasn’t a guaranteed help. One day a psychologist came to talk to me, but the only thing I remember is that he asked if I was afraid of death. I told him that my current biggest fear was the damn tubes in my neck, the constant needles, every day the touching and prodding of my body, but it didn’t seem like it got through to him. Maybe because my Danish was so damn shitty too, I could barely articulate myself and what I felt in Swedish, much less in English or Danish, I think I was mostly rambling incoherently.

In the meantime my parents had been writing the hospital for updates and visitation possibilities, and eventually the kind nurses and doctors there started fighting for getting my parents to visit. They got granted an exception by the hospital to visit my room once per day, but they still couldn’t get into the country. My parents contacted the Danish police asking if an exception could be made since it now was entirely possible that this could be the last time they’d see me. They were eventually granted permission and now the final hindrance remained - getting there. Since they live far up north, the transportation options are limited especially during corona. There were essentially no flights, so the second best option was train for about 2 days.

As luck would have it, the plasmapheresis did help, my kidneys were slowly recovering and once I got up to around 25% functionality, I was free from the damn machine and the medications now had the upper hand against my stupid immune system. In the final days at the hospital, my parents arrived. And we could actually be happy because it seemed like the danger was over. I begged the doctor to release me and let my parents help me at home instead. I knew how to take the medications by now and it wouldn’t be necessary for daily tests anymore. She agreed but I had to come to the hospital every few days for a checkup.

And that concluded my first chapter of this disease and kidney failure. Thank you for reading all the way to here, I appreciate it.

[paradoxguild679]

Life Changing Experience

Prologue: 

Chloe is seventeen. She has black hair brown eyes and a small set of B-Cup breasts. She excels in school and she has many people that love and respect her. Chloe was always seen as nice, helpful and extremely kind. Chloe always had a love for the world of entertainment but has one terrible flaw, she is incredibly shy. She loves the field of acting and talk shows, she even has fantastic ideas, but never put them out their due to her shyness. For this reason, she has also yet to find a boyfriend. She would love to solve both problems but, she never could find a way to get past her shyness. One day, while going to an event of a webstar that Chloe greatly appreciates, she was about to walk up to have him sign something but, she then runs away and hides behind a column far from everyone. While running away, a woman in her 30s noticed Chloe and decided to follow her. “Excuse me young lady? Is everything alright?” Chloe only nodded as she was still in her moment of anxiety, the woman then cocked an eyebrow, “Are you sure? You look as if someone is trying to kill you.” “Y.. yes, I was j.. just about to get my poster signed when I just was too shy to go up there and meet him.” “Oh, you poor thing. I once was like you but, I’ll tell you what. Take this camera and start practicing making videos with it.” “*sniff* How will a video camera help me become less shy?” “Oh, it’s a special camera. Trust me, you start making videos with this and I promise you, that shyness will be a thing of the past.” The woman hands Chloe the camera, “Thank you so much miss…” as Chloe was putting the camera in her bag the woman had disappeared. “That was odd but, I have had enough public exposure for today, I’m going home.” While back at home, Chloe was trying her best to figure out what videos to make before opening the camera. She was more of a writer than a video maker, then she got the idea of making video logs. While trying to figure out how to use the video camera she notices a note on the screen after turning it on. The note stated, “To go back, just push the reset button” She had no idea what that meant but she started to record in her room, talking about herself and her passions. After a total of 40 minutes of her talking she finally watched it over and realized she doesn’t like. Chloe then deletes the video and falls asleep. 

Day 1: 

After Chloe wakes up she notices that, besides feeling slightly taller for some reason, nothing much else has changed. However, she cannot find her backpack for the life of her. [Damnit, where the hell is my bag?] Chloe thought. She then notices a bag in the corner of her room that she does not recognize. When she goes over to it she finds nothing but notes inside. “Hey mom, I’m ready to go to Gregland!” Chloe screams downstairs to her mom. “Oh, don’t you be a smart-ass with me young lady! Take your car and go to University or you’ll be late.” [Huh? Why would she tell me to get ready to go to college classes? Last I checked I was over a year away from graduating High School.] Chloe then grabs her wallet and checks her ID; she then sees that she is now 20 years old. [Oh my God! What the hell is going on?! How am I 20 now?! Did that camera have something to do with it? I wonder what else it can do?] “Chloe! NOW!” “Okay mom.” Chloe then steps in the car and somehow knows what to do and where to go. After she arrives at University, she then notices it is the Medical School that was her first choice. “HOLY SHIT! I can’t believe it! Not only am I now going to college. I’m at my first choice! Well, my mom’s first choice. I would’ve preferred to study in the entertainment industry. But, thanks to my shyness I couldn’t speak up to my mom and chose what she would have wanted.” Chloe then takes a look at her diary that she kept in her dashboard and confirms what she already knew. However, she did find that she had top notch grades in all of her courses and even found that she got a full ride because of her grades from high school. After making it into class just before the professor took role she discovered today was one of the last days to study for the final in her courses, Chloe knew she would have to study hard in order to pass the course with flying colors. When Chloe returned home, she found that her pajamas where missing. Chloe then asked her mom where they ended up and was told that her father has left for the whole week to work. “And I know that when he isn’t here you just love to walk around in nothing but your bra and panties.” Of course, Chloe was incredibly embarrassed and would usually never do that. However, since she didn’t want to sleep in her clothes she decide to give it a shot and finds that she feel extremely comfortable in nothing but her underwear. Chloe then walks up to her room and begins to study. While doing what she does best, Chloe couldn’t help but having her focus come back to the camera. [Well, I guess making another video won’t hurt, besides I can take a short break.] She then decides that instead of getting dressed that, since she’ll more than likely never post this and that the reality changes are over, she could just record in her bra and panties. While recording, she finds that she feels more comfortable and fluid in her vlog. And after looking the video over, she likes it but, will obviously never post a thing like that. After all, she’s still to shy to present herself for an audition, who knows what shame she would try to post a video in which she is half naked. 

Day 2: 

Chloe wakes up in a completely different room and panics. She then looks around the place and discovers that she’s in a small apartment and is completely alone. She then rushes to read her diary: the day and year are exactly the same as it should be. Except for one thing, the day that Chloe started University, she also decided to be more independent. She got an apartment not too far from the university and even got a job as a bartender in a simple place. As an alarm goes off, she discovers that she has an hour to get around and start her day at work. When she opens her closet after taking a shower, she notices that her clothes do not fit what her previous style was. Instead, the clothes are all tight fitting and revealing clothing. Her shirts all showed her naval, tops that showed her shoulders, very short jeans and miniskirts. “There is now way I am wearing any of this shit!” Chloe’s phone then goes off as she now is running the risk of being late for work. So, Chloe then forces herself to wear something that doesn’t feel like it was too revealing. As, she looks at herself in the mirror she does think that the clothes are much prettier than her normal ones even if they are mostly revealing. Chloe then heads off to work as a bartender. She manages to be very kind to everyone but, is often embarrassed by many guys and even some girls claiming how hot and sexy she was dressed like that. Chloe had never been so embarrassed before in her life yet, she also felt odd by the experience as well. When she returned home she took off her shirt and pants, as usual. “God today was probably the single worst day I had in my life. However, I also feel like I should…” Chloe’s eyes leered towards the video camera. For whatever reason, she desperately wanted to make a video about her day. In fact, she began to feel horny by just thinking about it. She then starts recording and talks about her day and grows more excited as she does. Then at her peak level of horniness, she stops talking and begins to masturbate. Chloe had never done this before in her life but, it feels incredible. She then stops recording after she came. While looking over the video, she turns red. Instead of deleting it, Chloe deicides to keep it, without publishing it of course. She doesn’t know why but she was proud of it. She then decided to get some sleep as she shut the camera off.

Day 3: 

Chloe proceeds to wake up in the same apartment. Nothing seems to have changed, except for one thing: the bed where she sleeps is no longer a twin but a king size bed. She doesn’t know why the bed changed but, she looks in her journal. She notices that many pages are gone. It goes to the day she started college but, the day is different. After reading, Chloe finds out that she never started university out of her pursuit to be working in front of a camera but does not specify what because her mother would never approve. After reading these words, Chloe tries to remember the lecture she had yesterday but finds nothing, she can’t even remember the name of her professor. In the diary she also sees that she found an apartment and she is trying to in every-way to overcome the specimens, but in the meantime has found a job to practice, yet there are no written details. At one point her phone rings and she sees that her mother is calling. “Hey mom.” “Hey sweetie, when are you coming home to start university?” “I don’t really feel up to it mom. Don’t worry though, I found a job.” “Oh really? And what’s that?” “A maid.” Chloe blurted out as a lie. “Oh, and what all do you do?” “Fuck off mom.” Chloe then immediately hangs up. She’s shaking from being so nervous but also feels great. [Holy shit! I have never spoke to my mother that way. But goddamn did it feel great! That cunt totally deserved it. Making me choose a career that I never fucking wanted. Oh my god, what am I thinking? I need to press that reset button.] Just as Chloe reaches out for that button, she hears a knock on her door. “Oh-em-gee, who the like, fuck is that?” She then opens the door to find a 25-year old guy who she had never met before. Even though that was the case she let him in, and she didn’t know why. The guy tells her that he couldn’t afford the full job and can only give her about $56. [Oh, he must be like, referring to one of my scripts.] Chloe then looks down and notices his erection in his pants. [OH MY GOD! This douchebag has a fucking boner! I should kick his ass out of here…] Instead of doing what she was thinking her body does something else, her body turns on the camera and hits record. After turning it on Chloe strips as she proceeds to take out the man’s cock and give him a blowjob. While doing the deed, Chloe begins to struggle on how to take what’s going on. [What the fuck am I doing. I mean I seem to be a pro at this, and it feels fucking amazing. No! What am I thinking? Oh god, I think he’s about to cum. Why am I getting off on this?] As the man cums, Chloe for the first time gets to experience the delicious majesty that is semen running down her throat. She had never tried it before, but now she wants even more. Chloe then gets up, licking her lips, and approaches the camera saying, “Nothing tastes better than this. Trust me.” Then she turns off the camera. After the man leaves, Chloe is shocked because that was her first oral sex experience. Originally, she would have never done such a thing… and she loved the hell out of it. Chloe then understood she needed to press the reset. After she does it a message pops up on the screen and says: “Reset will only work after the events of the last recording have happened.” “Fuck it,” Chloe states “I’m going to bed.” 

Day 4: 

Chloe wakes up and sees nothing has changed around her in her room. She doesn’t have the time to properly wake up as she receives a video call from her mother. At first she’s nervous to accept the call, as of where they left off. Chloe then accepts the call and braces for a long, yelling lecture from her mother. “Hey sweetheart, how are you doing? Are things going okay?” “Yeah mom, things are totally fine?” Chloe says confused. “You aren’t like mad at me?” “Well, I cannot say that I’m happy with your choices so far but, I’m not mad at you, no. Why? Should I be?” “No! I mean no. I just guess I can have some blonde moments.” “Speaking of which, did you dye your hair?” “What are you like, talking about mom? This is totally my natural color.” Oh sweetie. Did I call you too early in the morning? You’re being really silly; we both know your natural hair color is blonde. Stop kidding around, did you dye your hair or not?” “Look, mom I’ve got to go…” “Oh did you finally get a job?” “I’ll tell you like, tomorrow. It’ll be a umm… what’s the like word?” “Surprise?” “Oh like, duh. Yeah a surprise mommy. I’ll call you tomorrow. Bye.” Chloe then hangs up not feeling well as she runs to a mirror and see her once raven black hair become sun ray blonde and branch out to her ass as it and her thighs begin to bubble up and expand. After her small changes, she ran over to her diary, where almost nothing is written, and discovers that she had dropped out at 4th grade after she was rejected, only to have found the possibilities for her dream job at the age of 19 and to have arrived in the apartment for her to be able to achieve it. Her dream job was always to write scripts and communicate with people on talk shows, but how could she do that without a diploma? Suddenly, Chloe got a notification from What’s App. It was many positive replies. She texts her friend what do they mean, and her friend sends her the link: Chloe almost screams as her blowjob video was uploaded yesterday on Pornhub and made well over 100,000 views overnight. It was the same in the video from yesterday except she had the long, blonde hair and the thicc thighs and ass. Chloe then understood; the camera was turning her into a porn star. “Shit! When I meant I wanted to be less shy, I couldn’t even fathom this!” Chloe decided to get some fresh air (in the same skimpy clothes she had from yesterday) and goes to drink in a bar. While in her wallowing self-disgust, a guy comes up to flirt with her. Initially, Chloe wants to refuse but, she instead begins to accept the man’s advances as they both run into a bathroom to have a quick fuck. She feels great! It was the best feeling Chloe had ever had in her whole life. After their sexcapade, the guy attempts to ask for her number, but Chloe instead quickly runs back to her apartment. She really did want to have more sex, but she immediately decides to press the reset button, fighting with herself. She then presses the button and click on the “First Phase: Body, Personality, and Clothing” option. Then everything goes back to normal. Her hair changes back with her clothes becoming her normal closed off style. Even her thoughts return to normal, she wasn’t thinking about constant sexual pleasure. Unfortunately, her shyness comes back at full force, Chloe almost crying for what all she did before. Chloe is ready to go back to being her shy and quiet self, having regained her old identity. Then she starts to think about one thing: She would never want to become a porn star however… she remembers that in the moments she had sex and published the video, she finally felt satisfied with herself by destroying her shyness. Chloe didn’t want to go bankrupt and lose all of her dreams because of her extreme shyness. [Is it possible that I always need a camera to fight it? I mean after-all pornography is a form of entertainment. And it is infinitely loads better than being shy… No! It must be to prove something else.] Chloe then turns on the camera and begins vlogging. This time she uploads it to YouTube. Later that afternoon, Chloe receives several glowing and positive comments on her approach in the video. She finally gained her self-confidence and is ready to press the reset again. Chloe remembers now that she can’t use the camera if the last recording doesn’t take place first. This time, Chloe isn’t scared, she is convinced that nothing can change her mind, whatever the effect. 

Day 5: 

Chloe wakes up to see nothing has changed in her apartment. She immediately gets up to activate the camera but, begins to feel strange and heads to the bathroom. She looks in the mirror to see her breasts grow in to natural D-Cup with her bras all adjusting to them. Her hair changes back into the long, flowing blonde hair it was before along with her face changing to becoming sexier than before. In fact, her whole-body changes into a hot body that any man would lust after. Chloe is surprised to see what she has become, and she loves it. While looking at herself in the mirror, her head becomes filled with memories of last night, she had heavy sex with a guy from a bar she met. Just thinking about it makes her masturbate. [I have to press the reset again. But, this feels so good and what about the talk shows? What about the experience on stage as enjoyable as her new job?] “And why would we like, ever go back to that like, lame, nerdy little loser of a body when we have this totally hot as fuck piece of ass right here?!” Chloe exclaimed while smacking her ass making it jiggle like Jell-O. She then found in her diary that she had fun picking on other girls who were less cute than her in High School. She also found the experiences on stage were a waste of time. Chloe then understood that the camera didn’t just change her physical appearance, but her personality as well. She became a total stuck-up bitch. [I should go back, this isn’t me. Oh, really? Well, like, weather it is or isn’t us, I like this one better. We were so totally useless as that little shy nerd. Now, we’re a like fucking force to be reckoned with! We do what we want, when we totally want, no matter who gets in my way.] Chloe has lost who she once was as her new self, had taken over. “Now, I need to find myself a morning fuck. I’m gonna go scout the bar! I’m gonna get my ass rammed good and publish the video after doing it. Goodbye shy Chloe-bear, hello sexy ass bitch Chloe!”