#it suddenly became so intense how close ive become to these people in the past week

[monsterhospital]

8.13.23

[writing-in-april]

Georgia Peach

Spencer Reid x Gender Neutral Reader (Spencer POV)

Summary: Spencer sees Reader eating a peach and goes a little crazy.

A/N: this was a long time coming- ive been writing this oneshot for forever and I finally finished it! The original prompt is from @imagining-in-the-margins and I also incorporated a request for a pearl necklace from @sunlight-moonrise This fic was also written for @ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff so I could give them some gender neutral smut! Most of my fluff is gender neutral but until now I hadn’t dived into writing gender neutral smut. I’ll definitely be writing more in the future- I like writing stuff that is as inclusive as possible! There shouldn’t be any mistakes in terms of pronouns- I had a ton of people look at it, but if there is please message me!If you live in Georgia don’t forget to vote in the Georgia state runoff elections!

Warnings: Sub!Spencer, Topping from the bottom, Very slight food play, Face Fucking, Pearl necklace, Pubic sex (sorta), Unprotected sex

Main Masterlist Word count: 2.9k

I was pretty sure I was going to explode just from looking at Y/N. They weren’t doing anything that was infuriating, annoying, or even anything that most would consider sexual in nature. They had decided that a peach brought in by one of the Georgia detectives was the best way to relieve their parched mouth caused by the blistering heat. The mundane act of eating a peach combined with the deep v neck that adorned their figure was apparently enough to make my slacks uncomfortably tight.

Get it together Spencer.

My inner voice was slapping me upside the head repeatedly, trying in vain to break me out of the daydream I had found myself immersed in. I swept the sweat off of my brow while continuing to unabashedly stare at Y/N. I knew that I needed to draw my eyes away from Y/N and focus on the case file that was sitting on my lap. But, just as I was about to tear my eyes away from them they took a large bite of the delicate skin of the white peach causing juice to dribble down their chin.

I’m screwed.

Subtly was not a strong suit of mine. That became painfully obvious when my eyes widened to the max in an attempt to see every detail of the erotic picture I was painting in my mind. The picture became clearer in my mind as another bite was taken out of the supple fruit. The juice escaped their mouth again, however this time a new path was taken when the liquid fell past their chin. The drop of nectar slid down past the juncture of their collarbones, falling perfectly down the point of the v on their shirt, almost as if it was carefully planned and executed. My mind wandered further than I thought possible when images flashed before my eyes of Y/N covered in something different, but similarly sticky. I was so transfixed at the sight that I didn’t notice the coy smile being flashed my way from across the room.

“You alright Dr. Reid?” I could hear the coquettish voice but it sounded like it was 1000 miles away. Everything had become muffled, the only sound I could clearly hear was the thrumming of my heart beat in my ears. I gulped hard, trying and failing to distance myself from my thoughts.

A loud snap in front of my face from the culprit of my dirty thoughts cleared my mind just enough to refocus on the person in front of me. The visage of Y/N still had me in a haze of lust that I couldn’t shake but, I did find some strength within myself to respond, “Y-yeah I’m alright Y/N just thinking.”

“About what?”

“Nnn-Nothing, don’t worry about it.” My tone had risen to a high pitch and that along with my stuttering instantly gave away that something was brewing in my head. And, Y/N was good at reading me, they’d always been able to pick out how I felt in a few sentences or less. Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if they’d picked up how turned on I was right away.

Yeah, I’m totally screwed.

It was now so silent you could hear a pin drop. I tried to slow down my breathing that had picked up some minutes ago due to the mounting tension in my trousers. Sadly, despite my efforts I could not calm down, my trousers still felt way too tight and now everything felt hot. My face was probably bright red right now from the burning heat coursing through my veins, which would just end up being another signal to Y/N that something was amiss.

I tugged at the edge of my collar trying another way to reduce tension in my body as now the skinny tie I wore felt too tight on my neck. Immediately my mind jumped away to- I wish their hand was on my neck.

During my efforts to ease the tension in my body I must have failed to notice the fact that Y/N was still staring at me. A shudder was sent down my spine when I finally peaked my eyes up from the hands that held the peach to their eyes which felt like they were boring into my thoughts and reading everything.

I wanted to crawl into a hole and never leave. There was no doubt in my mind Y/N had sensed my arousal by now and I’m pretty sure I looked even brighter than a cherry as I started to stumble out an apology. I couldn’t even get one full word out before they had set down the offending fruit and made their way over to me. The chair that I had been sitting in was a swivel chair which Y/N took full advantage of by spinning me around to face them. Their chest was bent over to come down to my sitting form but instead of focusing where their face was my eyes were firmly fixated again on the sliver of skin still glistening with the juice from the peach.

I just wanted to lick it off.

My mind had again been so lost in lust that I didn’t notice that they were now so close to me that I could feel their breath mixing with my own and all my mind was focused on was tasting the sweet nectar that I knew still sat on their tongue. Like a man possessed I tried to lean forward hungrily at Y/N to relieve the undeniable but silent tension we had created. However, suddenly my arm was being pulled out of the conference room by them leading me down the path to the archive room. The city we were stationed in for the case was definitely behind technologically, so much so that they still kept all their files on paper. The old files from cold or closed cases were then schlepped into this forgotten archive room that I was being led to like a lost puppy by Y/N.

I stumbled in after Y/N into the archive room that was pitch black. They dropped their hold on my hand as soon as the door shut behind me making me grope around in the dark looking for some guidance. I heard the distinctive click and their skin was then illuminated by the glow of the singular lightbulb that hung in the center of the small room that Y/N turned on.

“Do you want this Spencer?” They said while strutting over slowly to me, I apprehend the offer of being able to back out but it was an offer I would definitely not be taking. As soon as my head nodded in agreement their mouth was on mine in the most blissful kiss I had ever had the pleasure of taking part in.

The taste of our tongues intermingling was overwhelmingly peach as I was finally able to get a taste of Y/N. Their movements were much more calculated compared to my sloppy desperate attempt to control the kiss. With practiced ease they dominated and I willfully surrendered to whatever Y/N wanted me to do to them. A shudder came into my bones as Y/N pressed me up into the nearest walland then untucked my shirt to run teasing little circles with their left hand over my hip bones.

The kiss was cut way too short in my opinion as they released my lips and then teasingly put their thumb into my mouth. I swirled my lips around their thumb with an intense pout, I tried to look as pitiful as possible, trying to coax them to stay right there with me. Unfortunately they pulled away from me altogether and then sauntered over to where the short filing cabinets were sat in the room, making my pout deepen further then I thought possible .

“Aww- don’t pout you’ll get what you want.” They said before leaving me, the mocking tone in their voice only making me pout harder. Any complaint I had  died in my throat when they pushed their pants and underwear down swiftly. They obviously had a better understanding of the fact that this tryst had to go quickly- and hopefully quietly. The closest filing cabinet to Y/N then became a prop for them to balance so they could bend over seductively. And with a simple crook of their finger I was over behind them ready to service them the best I could. My pants undone and pulled down enough to pull my cock out, jerking myself slightly so I was fully hard and ready to wrap them around me.

Wait. Was this really happening?

I questioned myself as I pushed into them from behind slowly wanting to savor every moment I had with Y/N wrapped around me and- also to also convince myself that this wasn’t a wild figment of my imagination. However, my long drawn out thrust was cut short by Y/N pushing their hips back against me taking me all the way down to the hilt. As soon as I was fully sheathed inside of them I started to rock my hips into theirs with little whimpers falling from my lips. If I had been in a different state of mind, one that wasn’t desperately trying to seek release, I would have probably flushed red in embarrassment at the noises I was making.

“Oh! Good Boy, Spencer.” They groaned out as I picked up the pace, my hands then briefly left their hips to pull them back so their back was flush against mine. The change in angle of my thrusts seemingly made Y/N’s pleasure skyrocket, the praises that they had been giving out to me being muddled down into moans that they muffled with their hand. I could tell their release was close when they let their head drop backwards into the crook of my neck and began to meet my thrusts vigorously.

A deep guttural groan came out of my chest as Y/N wound their other arm around behind them to tug on my hair as they came to their release. Pure bliss fell across Y/N’s face along with a lazy smile while they rode out the waves of their release. I kept rocking my hips forward to prolong their pleasure but my own release was beginning to brew within me.

Y/N reached behind to rest their hands on top of mine, they had been gripping into the sides of their hips roughly enough that there were sure to be bruises. They had me pull out, I almost thought they weren’t going to let me finish and began to beg with a long drawn out whine. Y/N flashed me another one of their devilish smirks, no doubt in response to my whimpers. Another pathetic beg slipped past my lips before my mind went completely blank as soon as they dropped to their knees.

“Fuck- Spencer I want you to fuck my face.” A sharp and sudden groan tore through me at their words, I swear Y/N was going to be the death of me. I bobbed my head up and down nodding as quick as I could, probably a little too eagerly but, I couldn’t find it within myself to care. “Like I said- you’ll get what you want.”

Y/N then spit in their hand and started to jerk me off slightly- I could honestly cum like this and be completely satisfied. But, then they moved forward and licked up the length of my shaft before slightly sucking on my tip.

The feeling of their mouth just enveloping my tip made me feel like I had died and gone to heaven.

Holy shit this was really happening.

A choked moan started to fall from my mouth before I quickly tried to stifle it by biting into my fist. My other hand was manipulated by Y/N to rest at the back of their head, a nonverbal queue to let me know I could start doing what they wanted and fuck their face.

The thrusts I started off with were quite soft and shallow, even though they had requested that I do this to them I still never wanted to hurt them.

I almost pulled them off of me when I heard a soft gagging as the tip of my dick hit the back of their throat, but they held their own throat down on me making a high pitched whine that didn’t sound like it could come from me came falling from my lips.

After getting the chance to fuck Y/N and now their mouth was around me, I was going to finish embarrassingly quickly. My thrusts started to falter, I could feel my release in the base of my spine, threatening to spill at any moment.

“W-where can I-” I tried to stutter out before finishing, though I failed miserably, my approaching orgasm stifling the words.

Luckily, Y/N understood perfectly and pulled off of me to answer, “I want you to cum on me my chest, face, neck- wherever you want.” A deep seated groan rumbled through my chest at their words while they jerked my length. Y/N worked kisses up my thighs bringing me teetering on the edge about to fall into a pool of euphoria. When they pressed a kiss to the tip of my cock I fell into my orgasm and became blinded by the pleasure. I was fortunately still able to keep my eyes open to see Y/N get covered with the fruits of their labor. It was a filthy sight that made my eyes widen and my pupils blow wider then they had ever been before.

A few moments passed as we both caught our breath, each for different reasons. My gaze was still fixated on how my release had fallen over Y/N. Specifically I fixated on the spot where some had fallen down their chest right down where the v of their shirt had been before- right where the juice had slid down.

“Well I should’ve thought this through more… I don’t have anything to clean myself up.” Y/N gasped out in giggles breaking out of the dominant role that they had fallen into earlier which broke me out of the daze I had been in. I looked at them with endearment, I loved every facet of Y/N’s personality.

“I-I’ll be right back I’ll find something.” I stuttered out while basically stumbling back into my clothes. Before tripping out of the room to try and locate some tissues I did my best to make myself appear presentable again, taming my curls, smoothing out my shirt, and tucking it back into my slacks.

“You forgot something.” Y/N called out to me just as I was about to scurry out. Still naked and unclean, they held my belt up by one finger and had a teasing little smile on their face that was nothing but trouble. I walked up and quickly snatched the belt back and began to loop them through my slacks. My head was tilted down, suddenly growing shy at the sight of Y/N even though I had been the one to make them look so depraved in the first place.

“Now come on Spencer, stop being so shy. You weren’t shy 2 minutes ago.” The way they bit their lip at the end of the teasing remark made me want to get down on my knees and worship them. Sadly, work was calling both of our names pulling us out of our own little world that we had created in this dark, small- and slightly dusty archive room.

I gained back a little bit of my lost confidence and moved forward to envelop Y/N in a kiss, one that was much softer than our previous ones. The taste of the kiss still felt like a drop of golden sun from the peaches, albeit tainted with something a little more salty now.

“You taste good.” I said with a shy but knowing smirk before biting my lip. “You look good too but- you also look like trouble.”

“Yes, but you quite like trouble” They remarked in amusement before shoving me closer to the door, “Go on now, I can't stay naked covered in your cum for the rest of the day.”

“It would be a pretty sight though.” I said cheekily, slipping out of the room quickly to avoid one of their shoes being thrown at me in fake annoyance. As I left the room to hunt down something to clean Y/N up so we could go about the rest of our work day I came to a conclusion.

I quite enjoy trouble- and peaches.

[jasontoddiefor]

Summary: Anakin time travels back to Dooku’s Padawan days and doesn’t know how to deal with the infuriating bastard. AN: I blame my discord. Read on AO3

Anakin tried to think of what words of wisdom Obi-Wan would bestow upon him. Probably something about patience and following the Force and how to not consequently fuck up the next sixty years of history, but Obi-Wan also never had to deal with a young Padawan Dooku eyeing him critically, like he was trying to figure out what made Anakin tick.

Anakin was kind of torn between wanting to rip his throat or... something else Anakin didn’t quite know how to define. Whatever it was, it wasn’t fair. Dooku was the Sith Lord who had cut off his arm, get a grip Anakin.

Except this Dooku really wasn’t. He was just Yoda’s Padawan, even if likely not for much longer given that Anakin’s only friend in this timeline, Initiate Qui-Gon Jinn was already ten years old. Yes, Anakin knew that it was a little pathetic that his best and only friend was a child half his size – Anakin had hardly recognized him when he’d first stumbled upon Qui-Gon. The boy was so small, it was bizarre. But it wasn’t like Anakin had many people he could interact with as long as he wasn’t totally caught up on the Republic’s current history. Master Yoda had strictly forbidden Anakin from revealing anything about the future to any member of the Jedi Order who was not on the Council.

Or Padawan Dooku, in whose lap Anakin had literally dropped when Darth Tyrannus’ weird Sith magic had torn Anakin from his own time, stranding him permanently in the past.

Sighing, Anakin attempted to ignore Dooku staring at him intensely. It was bad enough that he had private tutoring with the younger man – okay, it was just a couple months, but Anakin privately liked to hold it over his head – now he also followed Anakin just about everywhere but the fresher.

He fell back into the first position of Djem So. He couldn’t let his lightsaber skills get rusty just because he wasn’t fighting in a galactic war anymore. That was another thing that unsettled Anakin. No more sleeping in his tiny cabin on the Resolute, no more cramming Ahsoka’s mandatory lessons into the few breaks they had, no more droid armies, no more Separatists, no more Sith Lords.

Well, the latter two weren’t entirely true. The Senate had been broken long before Anakin had been born. Now that he paid attention to it, he could already see many of the issues that would cause it to split. He just hoped that the Council and him could do something against it. It was too bad the Chancellor wasn’t in office already. He was probably just a little kid right now, even younger than Anakin and the current Chancellor was by far not as charismatic as Palpatine had been.

He certainly was of no interest to the Sith either, no matter where they were hiding right now. Anakin had never managed to figure out the identity of Tyrannus’ Master and the baby Sith currently still checking him out definitely couldn’t tell him.

“Can I help you somehow?” Anakin asked, hoping he managed to keep all annoyance out of his voice.

He dropped out of his stance and turned to Dooku. The Padawan was sitting on one of the benches, working on a paper or another, maybe his final thesis. Anakin had never had to write one to become a Knight. For one, there was no time during the war, and on the other hand, he had already done that when he was fourteen and gotten really passionate about Nubian hyperdrives.

“No, not at all. I merely admire your execution of Form IV. You are very well practiced.”

Dooku sounded honest enough, but Anakin still felt like it was a backhanded compliment.

“Thanks,” Anakin replied. “Was that everything?”

Dooku raised a brow, the perfect picture of innocence, but Anakin knew better. He had fought a far more experienced version of the man in front of him and learned to call his bluffs. This Dooku was not really a threat. He was just there, constantly in the corner of Anakin’s vision and being a Force-damned distraction.

“I’m not the one asking questions here.”

No, but if he was there any longer, Anakin was going to shut him up in some other way.

“Just- get over here. You can go study in your room or whatever, no need to be in the training halls at three in the morning unless you want to spar.”

Dooku grinned cockily and got up from his seat, his lightsaber already in hand. It looked very different from the blade Anakin remembered defending against. Its blue color still startled him as well, but somehow it suited this young Dooku. He stepped onto the mats and Anakin resumed a position opposite to his opponent. They both bowed as it was tradition, then ignited their lightsabers. For a moment neither moved, then they both jumped into the battle. Dooku’s Ataru still caught Anakin off-guard, but his Makashi less so. He wasn’t a proficient Master of Form II yet, but that one at least Anakin was more than familiar with. The two of them exchanged blows with more Force than strictly necessary for a training spar, bringing emotions into it that should not be there. Anakin was pissed off because Dooku wouldn’t leave him alone, but he had no idea what he had done to cause Dooku to fight so viciously.

Then Anakin finally saw an opening and took it. He slammed is leg into the back of Dooku’s knee, causing him to stumble. With another Force-push, Anakin made him fall flat on his back. He rushed towards his opponent and held his blade to his neck.

“Yield,” Anakin ordered, but Dooku did not, at least not immediately.

Instead he was once more studying Anakin like he could see a possible weakness.

“Yield,” Anakin said again and finally Dooku replied with a “Solah.”

Anakin turned off his ‘saber and he should get up, step away from his defeated training partner, but for some reason he couldn’t get himself to do so, looking into Dooku’s troubled brown eyes.

“What is your kriffing problem with me?” Anakin finally asked, Dooku still pinned beneath him.

Apparently, that was all it took as for once the Padawan didn’t keep his thoughts hidden behind a mask of feigned politeness and sarcasm.

“My problem with you, Skywalker, is that you are poaching my future Padawan!”

Anakin blinked. Dooku must be joking. All the backhand comments and the challenges and it was for this?

“I’m not trying to steal Qui-Gon from you, you git!”

Dooku didn’t try to get up, but he did cross his arms in defiance.

“That’s not what it looks like from here, offering him extra tutoring and spending every free minute with him-“

“Who else am I supposed to talk to?” Anakin snarled. “I’m stuck here! My Master won’t even be born for another thirty years, my Padawan for another twenty and my-“

Anakin closed up. He shouldn’t think about them, all he had lost. He’d been doing so well but of course Darth Tyrannus in the making had to goad him. “All my friends, my family, are gone and if I ever see them again, they won’t be mine. I only know a handful of people in this time and Qui-Gon just happens to be one of them!”

Honestly, it was almost a little embarrassing to admit, but once Anakin had realized who the short blond Initiate was, he had almost started crying. The rooms in the Temple were still the same, as were the robes and the traditions and the lessons, but it wasn’t his home. All his people were gone and the Jedi that lived during these times were mostly strangers, a few long-lived ones such as Master Yoda being the exception. But they weren’t exactly people Anakin had been close with.

“You knew him in the future,” Dooku said slowly.

He didn’t look frustrated anymore, more interested suddenly as if he were seeing Anakin with new eyes.

Anakin nodded once, sharply. “He saved my life.”

“He’ll be a great Jedi then,” Dooku concluded, sounding utterly pleased.

“The very best,” Anakin confirmed.

Dooku then began to smile in earnest, kind and happy in a way Anakin had never seen before, hadn’t thought him capable of, to be honest. The whole thing threw Anakin off completely. Seriously, what was going on with this Dooku?

“What of his Master?”

He became a Sith Lord and joined the people that had killed his apprentice and then continued trying to kill his grand-Padawans, but no big deal.

“He’s a git,” Anakin said instead. “Super arrogant, terrible footwork, can’t even block a simple kick.”

Dooku snorted. “At least he’s not as bad as his sparring partner?”

“What?”

“Careless,” Dooku replied and tugged at Anakin’s collar, pulling him down.

It took Anakin perhaps a moment too long to realize that Dooku was kissing him, but he considered it fair given that just moments before the other had been attempting to beat the life out of him. The kiss was by no means spectacular, but Dooku was warm beneath Anakin’s hands and when they broke apart for air, Anakin had no troubles diving in for a second kiss, all rationality thrown out of the speeder as he pushed his tongue inside Dooku’s mouth and hurried to get his hands beneath the other’s robes.

“Not a word to anybody,” Dooku said as flipped them around, stripping Anakin out of his tabard.

Anakin only rolled his eyes. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

He could deal with the fallout of this once he had his rationality back and was not, in fact, about to let Padawan Dooku fuck him. That was a problem for tomorrow-Anakin, right-now-Anakin was a little busy taking off his clothes.

[ficsnroses]

Friends With Benefits Part 4 - Keanu Reeves x Reader

Chapter IV ~ Her Name Seeps From His Lips.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

I’m so sorry this sucks but I promise promise promise chapter 5 will be good.

Word Count : 3362

Warnings : NSFW, 18+ content. Masturbation. 

Series Summary : What happens when two, lonely friends start seeing and confiding in each other for sex? A tricky friends with benefits love story, when feelings get in the way.

A/N : Y’all I’m not a guy but I tried okay. I hope you enjoy this chapter, friendios 🖤

Keanu and you had an unspoken bond to each other. In fact, your entire relationship, which started off as just friends, only came to be because you appealed to each other. You appreciated each other’s company above all, especially due to the fact neither of you had ever had much interest in the mass of social crowds.

Sex only became part of the equation well after. You were friends, before friends with benefits. 

Of course, the sex stuck around because of how mind blowing it always was. Neither of you meant for it to, but it had become routine. Needless to say, Keanu and you had a very frequent and healthy sex life together. Your need to satisfy each other only grew with time, almost becoming religion.

•

As Keanu collapses on his bed, propping his feet up, he can hear the faint sound of the misty LA rain out his window. December in LA tends to be wetter than the rest of the months, the days shorter and gloomier than before. The steady drumming on the window feels nice. Its calm, serene, contrasting to the intensity of the work week thus far.

Naturally, when Keanu hadn’t seen you in over a week, he found himself missing you. A lot. You had suddenly left the morning after your steamy midnight session a week prior. The morning you showed Keanu the galaxies alike, woke him up in the most sinful of ways with your gorgeous little mouth. The morning Keanu and you had ventured out together for plan B. The same morning the media caught you at brunch.

Keanu and you hadn’t met up since that day, which left him feeling very unsettled. With Christmas approaching rather soon, Keanu had planned to spend more time with you this week. He wanted to have a movie night or two, or perhaps take you out to a nice dinner. He knew your family was back home, and you didn’t have anyone in LA to spend the holidays with. Keanu understood that. He felt lonelier than usual around the holidays as well. He thought you could use each other around this time.

Keanu always tried his best to show you how much he valued you. Your relationship was a special case…for sure. But it worked for you. It was always his priority to make sure you never felt used. For Keanu, you weren’t solely just his fuck buddy. You were one of his best friends, a woman he respected, appreciated, and cared for deeply. He’d seen you at your most vulnerable. How could he not feel so deeply connected to you? The intimacy you shared together was precious. He often found himself reflecting on just how beautiful it really was. Just how lucky he really was to have you fill his needs, and to be able to fulfill yours.

However, the week hadn’t gone as planned so far. Keanu and you were normally very active. You both always managed to make the time to see each other, to be with each other. You hadn’t been intimate in a week. Each time he proposed, you had rubbed him off, claiming a busier workload, or just being plain tired.

That didn’t seem like Y/N though, and Keanu knew that. In fact, normally when she was tired, Y/N wanted Keanu to please her even more. They did that a lot for each other, when one needed relief, the other would work harder to give them the release they so desperately craved, whether it was just a brief pop in for a quickie at her office or his trailer, or a long, steamy evening at one of their houses, where they left each other gasping for air by the end of it, their skin sticking together as if bound as one, their lips shaping, dripping each other’s names.

Gosh, it had been a week since Keanu had had any sort of release. A week of tense, diligent, exhausting training without Y/N to make him feel good. He’d craved her body this past week, almost as if reciting a prayer, he so desperately needed to be heard.

Y/N was amazing, to make an understatement. She was as gratifying as a siren, an enchantress with her body, so skilled, so perfect. He had had her a hundred times, which may be what lead him to become so addicted to her. The feeling of her, all of her wrapped around him, the feeling of her soft, delicate hands running over his calloused skin, the linger of her warm breath.

The way her warm, velvety, sinfully wet tongue felt lapping around him, the way her shallow bobs could almost take him whole.

Keanu hadn’t realized himself palming at a growing bulge in his sweatpants, gradually leaning against the headboard of the bed, eyes drifting closed with a mural of Y/N clouding his mind.

Before Y/N, Keanu used to relieve himself often. He hadn’t been in a real relationship in years, and one night stands weren’t too frequent in his busy schedule. Not to mention, he was never too fond of one night hookups. He enjoyed feeling an emotional connection to his partner, liked the added sensation it brought to know the woman taking him is someone who cares for him, and not just another brag to the world of sleeping with movie star, Keanu Reeves.

He began groping his bulge unknowingly, his pants undoubtedly growing tighter and tighter at the thought of Y/N. Keanu’s sex drive was rather high for a man his age, although he was never much of one to act on it. Of course, until Y/N came along. She had always been there to help him when he needed it, happy to give him the ecstasy he so desperately wanted.

With a bite of his bottom lip, Keanu slips his hand into the waistband of his sweats, feeling over his sensitive skin. He hadn’t done this in a while; he hadn’t needed to. But it had been 8 days, not that he was counting. 8 days without any release. 8 days without Y/N.

Kicking off his sweats, Keanu positions himself comfortably in his bed, the rain at the window still pelting away. His eyes catch the splatter of tiny water globes, sprayed across the glass. There’s so many of them, thousands if he tried to count, millions. Numbers, quantities, digits. It’s a funny thing to think of how much of so much there is of everything in the world. So much love, so much admiration, so many people.

Yet here he was, on a cold, rainy day, alone. Feeling more alone than he had in a while. He wondered what Y/N was doing in that moment. If she had thought about him as much as he thought about her this past week.

He pulls out his cock to the sound of the rain getting heavier, the sleet downpour thumping on the roof, almost entwining with the beat of his heart racing faster by the second, blood pumping to his lower. Wrapping his palm sloppily around his base, Keanu pumps himself full, base to shaft, leisurely, up and down a few times. His hooded eyes trace down and see his girth growing bigger and bigger through the touch.

A light moan escapes his lips at the sensation. It’s not the same as having Y/N’s tight, dripping cunt engulfed around him, but its something. Something to feel. He reaches over to the bedside table into the drawer, for a bottle of hand cream he keeps available. He hates to admit it, but its kept for times like this. It hadn’t seen the light of the bedroom for a while, not since Y/N had been coming around. But Y/N wasn’t there today, leaving the timeworn, guilt ensuing hand cream to accompany him through the deed. He felt pathetic, pitiful on himself.

But he couldn’t bring himself to stop. Not when he needed this so bad. Squirting a dime sized amount onto his palm, he jerks himself whole. A low groan stumbles from his lips as he strokes his entire length, his thumb swirling over the tip of his cock, smearing droplets of clear, gooey pre cum over his head. He closes his eyes, trying to remember the feel of Y/N’s plump, moist lips swirling him, the sounds of her tiny gags as she took him in and out.

His cock begins twitching, sending shudders through his nerves. He begins pumping himself harder, tighter, faster, grunts and low moans sashaying out of his mouth with each jerk. With his spare hand, he brings it down to toy with his balls, massaging, kneading to add to the pleasure.

“Fuck…oh fuck…Y/N, baby..” your name slips from his mouth, the thought of you fogging his mind as he worked expertly with his hands on himself. He was a bit rusty, but it all came back once his hunger for relief overtook all his senses. He begins adding twists into the combination, trying to simulate the feel of any part of your body on him, making him feel so good the way you always do, the way you so proficiently bring him to the edge with ease, as if second nature.

He feels himself close, his cock twitching, throbbing, pulsating as he yanks himself, your name habitually falls from his mouth in sinful baritone. Keanu had never met a woman that had reduced him to a moaning mess like this before, he’d never dreamt of a women making him feel this way, the way he hardened instantly at the thought of you.

He had always needed something to get him going before you, a video, a magazine, anything. He was surprised at the effect you had on him, he had no idea it was that strong until this moment.

“Y/N…oh Y/N. Fuck.” Keanu growls, whimpering as he pumps himself to the edge. Grabbing a cluster of tissues off the bedside table, while simultaneously stroking himself faster and faster, he reaches his climax, his silky, creamy, succulent release shooting into his tissue equipped hand.  

With a string of moans, he felt himself lighten at the vast amount of seed he’d released, the tissue heavier and heavier until he drained himself completely. Panting, with a thin line of sweat glazed across his forehead, his head falls back, relaxing, breath heavy.

He lets the tissues fall to the floor, as he rests his eyes, chest raising and falling gradually. He’s cleared his mind, his release so powerful, but never the same. Not what you could give him. As his cock falls flaccid, he brings his forearm to rest over his head, surprised at how easily he had just masturbated to the thought of you.

The rain hasn’t stopped. Its been complemented by gradual rumbles of thunder. The day is only growing darker and darker, mirroring the way his chest felt in that moment. He missed her, he missed her a lot. Y/N was his friend, not just someone he had sex with. Why had she left so suddenly that morning? Why hadn’t she wanted to meet up this week? Had he done something? He couldn’t shake the feeling. But he needed her. He needed to see her, if not be with her. He needed to know she was okay, and that there wasn’t something wrong in her life for her to keep herself so occupied, so deserted from him.

He reaches over to check the time on his phone.

4:00pm. Y/N wouldn’t be home from work until at least 6:00pm.

He decided he should check up on her tonight. Scarce text messages hadn’t been cutting it, and she hadn’t answered any of his phone calls recently. This wasn’t like her at all. He needed to hear from her in person. It wasn’t about wanting sex or her body, he wanted to be there for her in case something was terribly wrong. Y/N was an independent woman, headstrong and assertive. She wouldn’t boast or cry about her sorrows to anyone. Not even him. That’s why he needed to make sure she was okay. He needed this for peace of his own mind.

She was one of the most important people in his life after all. She took priority over a lot of other people in his life.

•

As evening falls over the LA coast, Keanu finds himself driving to Y/N’s apartment further into town. The tar black sky hadn’t finished its showery monsoon onto the city. Everywhere he looked, he saw colourful umbrellas sprawled about, peppering the town with specs of reds, yellows, some blues, some grays. Beads of water trickled down each of his car windows, slightly blurring the sight of the city folk continuing in on their day.

He couldn’t help but notice couples hand in hand, walking together under scattered umbrellas. It must be nice to share such a limited space with someone, such an intimate setting, shielding each other from the downpour.

Pulling into Y/N’s parking garage, Keanu paces up, into the elevator, an unopened bottle of Y/N’s favourite red in hand, wrapped in a brown paper bag. His black leather jacket is speckled with rain dewdrops, his hair a little damper than when he had left from his house. He hoped Y/N wouldn’t mind. He often found himself wondering if Y/N cared about how he looked. If she found him…attractive. Or something like that.

With a ring of the bell on her floor, he hears Y/N’s voice over the buzz of the apartment door.

“Who is it?” her soft, tuneful voice asks. It was so fucking nice to hear her voice after a week long hiatus.

“Hey, its me. Keanu.”

After a momentary pause, he hears a jingle of the lock, and the door opened to reveal Y/N. Her hair is thrown up in a messy bun, and she’s dressed in a loose v neck shirt and some sleeping shorts. He can tell she hasn’t got a bra on underneath, not that he meant to look there.

“Hey, come in. Sorry, my place is kinda a mess and I look horrible. I wasn’t expecting anyone.” She shrugs, running a hand over the back of her head, closing the door behind him.

“It’s fine. You look nice.” Keanu assures her. “It’s Friday, thought we could leisure a little.” Keanu chuckles, holding up the bottle.

Keanu swore he saw a twinkle in her eyes, complemented by a curl of lips into a small smile on face. However, it dropped so slightly, her eyes falling a little. He swore he saw it, no matter how brief.

“Yeah, sounds like a great idea. Thanks for coming, Ke.” She offers him a smile, patting his bicep. After a slight contemplation, she nods her head and goes in for a hug. Keanu was her friend, and despite her feeling a bit weird lately about their relationship, she couldn’t deny the fact that she loved the care he showed for her. Why did he always have to be so god damn thoughtful? Why couldn’t they just be fuck buddies who just fuck? He probably didn’t think much of his nice gestures. He was just that much of a wonderful, compassionate, considerate gentleman. He did these things for everyone he knew. He treated everyone with this much love.

Keanu wrapped his spare arm around her, pulling her in close, and planting a kiss on her cheek. Y/N didn’t know how to feel about that. She did feel…something…when he did that. But she knew she needed to shake away those feelings. It was just sex. They were together for just sex. They’re not in a romantic relationship. She doesn’t come home to him everyday. She doesn’t get to wake up to him every morning. She doesn’t get the anniversary dinners or the casual nights in, enjoying each others company. This man wasn’t her boyfriend. He doesn’t feel that way for her.

Pulling away from him, she asserts herself. Tonight needs to establish, emphasize that their relationship is just physical. She’ll be sure of it. The second they start behaving in any way that normal friends with benefits don’t, she’ll draw the line. She’s sure of it.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll grab the bottle opener and a couple of glasses.” She smiles at him, before trailing into the kitchen, Keanu behind. He shrugs off his coat in the process.

“You been away lately. Everything okay?” he asks, setting himself down on a bar stool in her kitchen, resting his head on his hand leaning on the counter.

“Yeah. Just been taking up some extra projects.” She replies, avoiding eye contact, pouring the wine into two glasses for them.

“I was worried. You barely kept in touch. Thought something was wrong.” Keanu empathized. He made sure to let her know that she was on his mind. He hadn’t thought of it as “not a big deal.”

“All good. Only thing to worry about is this horrendous look I’m flaunting right now.” She laughed, gesturing down to her attire. Y/N usually tried her best to look good for Keanu, she wanted him to want her. Wanted him to think she looked good.

Sliding over the glass to Keanu, Y/N holds her glass in the air, gesturing a “cheers” before taking a sip.

“I’ll keep saying it, Y/N. You look good. You always look good, honey.” He smiled, making direct eye contact. There it was again. The thing he did to her. Y/N pauses for a moment, getting lost in his eyes. She shakes herself out of her trance, walking closer to him, setting her glass down. She needed to draw the line. This was the time for that.

She positions herself in font of him, grabbing hold of his collar. With lust in her eyes, she lowers her gaze.

“Do you wanna…” she starts her sentence, trailing off as she bites her lip, staring him right in the eyes. Keanu’s taken back, she normally isn’t this way, she never initiates sex out of the blue. Not when they’re just spending time together, like they do often.

But he couldn’t help the bulge that threatened to grow in his pants. Y/N was in just some booty shorts and a loose top, sans bra. Her breasts looked so firm, perfectly plump resting on her chest. Gosh, he loved those fucking breasts, loved the way they provided a safe haven for him to rest his head when he was on top of her, thrusting in and out, the way they practically melt in his touch. So warm, so inviting. Just like Y/N looked right now. 

“Y/N, we don’t have to, I’m here to just…yenno, check up. I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. If you’re not in the mood, I’m okay. We can do it another time.” Keanu rambled, watching her every move as she began lowering her shirt off, exposing a bare shoulder. Her skin looked so dewy, so soft for the taking.

“No, I want to. It’s been a while, Keanu.” She mumbled, running her hands over his chest as he still rest on the bar stool, waiting for him to say yes, as she eyed his lips. “I want you.” She whispered, lips close to his ear, grazing over the thick skin.

She felt his hands plant themselves on her waist, as her hand cruised the inside of his thigh. She could see him growing harder, his pants tightening as she threatened to run her hand over his crotch.

“You know I can’t say no to you, darling.” Keanu murmured, attaching his lips to her jaw.

Y/N’s eyes went dark with the words that escaped his mouth. It had been a while. She missed the way he filled her up so fucking well, the way she’d be left sore and throbbing after he was finished, the way her thighs would stick together with what he left behind.

She was going to make him see the stars tonight; she was sure of it. She was his fuck buddy, and she was going to be the best at just that. Make him forget the world behind them.

Grabbing his hand off her hip, she guides it into the waistband of her pants, never breaking eye contact with him.

He had no idea 

what he was in for. 

>>Chapter 5>>

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Taglist Posted Separately (Ask to be added or removed!) :

[feel199x]

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙* cloud nine ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊ chapter IV

god!au, god!minho, street racer!au

I II III IV V VI masterlist

a/n: sigh this was kinda cute kinda sad

warnings: minor angst n swearing

               ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙* ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊ ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙* ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊  ＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙* ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊  

“Minho, I really, really- and I cannot stress this enough- do not want to hear about the day your parents slept together.”

“It’s important!”

He flopped on your bed, looking around your modest apartment, frowning. “Your house is small, like really small.” You pinched the bridge of your nose and snapped your eyes shut, willing yourself not to fight him. “Be very, very careful with your next words, Minho.” He just smirked, per usual, and patted the area of the bed next to him. It didn’t seem like there was much of an option for you, seeing how he was already in your apartment and it didn’t seem like he was gonna leave very soon. “Do we really have to do this tonight?” you asked, turning your head to the right as you laid face to face, feeling his shallow breaths on your face, “Because I’m tired.” It was embarrassing to be this close to him, and you could feel your face becoming hot. Even though you had ridden on the back of his bike, holding onto his face- even that made you flustered, but facing him was a lot more intimate.

“You could sleep,” he winked, “right here in my arms as I tell you all about my adventures.”

“Do I even really have a choice?”

“Mmm..” he wrapped his arms and leg around you, “No, not really.”

“Your leg, really, Minho?”

“I need to balance my body out.”

“You mean make sure I don’t wriggle out.”

“Same difference.”

The both of you laid in silence for a few moments, as Minho decide where he was going to start. It probably wasn’t on purpose, you don’t even think he realized he was doing it. But there he was, as the sun rose and peeked through the curtains of your bedroom, letting his finger run along your collarbone. “I burned the library of Alexandria,” he said suddenly.

“Minho,” you tried to stifle your laughter, “you did what?”

“It’s true.”

“You really don’t expect me to believe you, right?”

“I did it ‘cause Caesar was an asshole and both Felix and Jisung said I wouldn’t.”

 “Wh-”

“Also, Shakespeare is a twink.”

“Okay, so you’re a prideful bitchboy, that’s already been established. Homoerotic, also known.”

To say that you weren’t all that surprised was an understatement, all of these things seemed plausible. If you weren’t mouthing off to Minho, you were observing him. If Minho was a god, which he was, these were all things you’ve already known.

“That’s not what I was talking about,” you spoke again, “I meant I don’t know you.”

Minho’s face softened, and he maintained eye contact with you. “I don’t understand.”

“Minho, what do you regret? What do you wish you could’ve done? Why aren’t you up in the heavens?”

Minho’s face moved closer to yours, his nose touching yours. You wanted to look away from his intense gaze, but you knew, somehow, that this was important.

“Will you go on a date with me if I tell you? Like a real one. I get to go all out?”

“If you’re honest, I may not be a god, but I can read you like a book.”

He smiled but didn’t move. Instead, he squeezed his arms around your waist.

“You won’t judge me, promise?”

You held up your pinky. “Not any more than I already do, Minho, pinky promise.” He wrapped his pinky around yours as he looked deep into you, past your eyes. And for some reason, you felt embarrassed, more flustered than you had been around any other romantic interests.

“I get bored, and I leave. I never stick around, and because of that, I’ve ruined so many things, so many people, so many relationships. No one ever called me out on it until Chan became the head, and sent me here to “learn my lesson” and here I am. Learning my lesson, sort of.”

You wanted to look away, your eyes flickering away for his gaze away for a moment, only to return. “Learn your lesson how?”

“He sent me to earth. Well, he released me, and sort of like, forbid me from going back until I realized the importance of relationships.”

“I like Chan,” you paused, scanning Minho’s face, “So you’ll just leave? When you learn your lesson?”

“I mean, yeah,” he scoffed, “If I learned my lesson, why should I stay.”

You swallowed hard, blinking a couple of times. “Yeah, you’re right.” You finally broke away from the gaze, turning your head but you didn’t move. Instead, you settled into Minho’s cuddles. Letting yourself feel his warmth and kindness as his finger stilled traced around your collarbone area.

“I just want you to know,” he murmured into your ear, “I’m already planning. It’s going to be so romantic and sappy. You’re gonna love it, you’re gonna love me.”

As Minho fell asleep, face buried in the crook of your neck. You grew more and more restless as the sun’s light grew in your room. You didn’t want to think about it, you didn’t want to acknowledge it. So you didn’t instead, you wriggled yourself out of a very unhappy Minho and baked.

You always did this, always. Whenever you got overwhelmed with emotions, you baked. It was a weird coping skill, maybe, but at least you always had sweets on your kitchen counter. More than you’d like to admit, you were soft. Easily emotional and overwhelmed, and though Minho certainly helped with that part of you- here you were, on your third batch of cookies as you panicked about Minho. If he got what he wanted, a date, a significant other, and learned his lesson- he would leave. Leave you. You shook your leg, an anxious tick as you tried to push those thoughts away.

“Are those cookies?”

Minho walked into the kitchen, slumping on a table chair as he yawned. He looked at the cookie mix, eagerly and got up, reaching for the cookies.

“Don’t you dare, Minho,” you waved your spatula, “I don't feel like driving you to the hospital because you want salmonella.”

The two of you talked about nothing in particular, neither of you wanting to address his godly status. There was a slight awkwardness in the air, even as you cooked breakfast, placing it down in front.

“So, you have to be ready by six. I mean it, wear something like, really fancy and nice. Not that you-”

“I get it Minho, a promise is a promise.”

You were scared out of your boots even thinking about going on a date with Minho, and it was going to be an interesting night. An interesting night indeed.

[carryforthtradition]

The Surprise Gift of Life: Part One

Apologies, this blog was meant to be posted before Christmas, but as it will reveal my life is suddenly turning in a different direction. I hope that everyone, even though the current climate is very… unsettled, was able to find comfort, joy and laughter for Christmas and the start of 2021.

Back in August (2020) as I was starting back to work after a few months of Covid Lockdown, me and my husband found out that I was expecting our first baby. Needless to say that we were/are super happy and also quite nervous. My husband couldn’t wait to tell people, but for me it took another week and a second pregnancy text for it to really start sinking in.  

There is so much that you don’t get told or fully realise about the changes and impact pregnancy can bring until it happens. The journey is a unique one and at times can feel really long and endless. 

The first 12-16 weeks so much happens and yet so many keep it ‘hush hush’ I found out very early on, which differs so much to my mum’s experience. I found out at 2/3 weeks, because the tests are so advanced and accurate now. My mum was almost 2/3months along when it was confirmed by Doctor for her. There are about 30year between me and my mum giving birth.  

Much of the advice is same, but with a lot more detail, insight and openness from midwives and other mothers, talking and sharing their experiences. However, the first 12 weeks it’s advised not to tell everyone, just close friends and family. This is in case of miscarriage, which I get, but physically women go through the biggest changes in these weeks.  

I was very lucky in that my home and work environment was supportive, and I work with a lot of women, so it was easy for me to open up and know they would be understanding. I got away without heavy Morning sickness, in fact I wasn’t sick once, but the nausea was always there. The other things you can’t really escape from is the hormonal changes, for me it was really intense, I had a short fuse, which isn’t the normal me, but I was like it as a teenager. As my job is face to face with customers, the stress was also quite high at times.   I found being able to share the emotional highs and lows with others very important. I few people at work but mainly my parents.  

My husband, I think found it quite hard, we butted heads a few times and I lost count of the times I walked out or was left fuming inside. So talking it out with my family, was needed, me and my mother-in-law also shared a lot and have become closer for it too.  

Other things that differ and can’t be predicted, are things like cravings, I didn’t have any, though my taste did change and it quite natural. Eating fresh fruit and veg, wanting less sugar or processed foods. Infact my taste went back to childhood, and what my parents used to make for us as children. I go off water, it tasted so bland so had to add flavouring else I wouldn’t have been drinking, but it lasted only a few days.   There is a pathovar of little sensations and changes that I experienced in those 16 weeks. There were also times I forgot I was pregnant, because I felt normal.  

What’s been fascinating is the stories and excitement that has come along with everything. After 10/12 weeks I opened up to all my work colleagues and Everyone!! Has shared something different.   Memories of when their or their partners were pregnant, the strange sensations they felt, both good and the bad, all of which has been so comforting.   My parents are super excited, as this is their first grandchild and also their first-time seeing images of a baby at different stages.  

Image: First scan at 10-12 weeks old

Both my parents were nurses, but have been retired for over 20years. So lots of things have changed, technology has advanced and the information given to new parents is vast in comparison. If anyone has seen or heard of the series ‘Call the Midwife’ you get an amazing sense of how fast things change, along with people’s attitudes. 

Growing up in a world that is so far away from my parent's childhood, is both good and bad. I do feel we take a lot for granted, and having family, parents, grandparents even great grandparents, is really a blessing.   One of my husband's Grandmothers is a keen knitter, one of her grandchildren has just had their first baby, she made them a lovely blanket and when she offered to make more, she was told they were going to buy all new. So when we were given our blanket, I was the opposite, I love the idea that family can pull together and create or pass things on, I only had one grandparent, and I loved her to bits. She part raised me, as my parents were working lots both as nurses and on my uncle's farm where we lived. I learned so much from her, sadly she passed away when I was 17, but I have always remembered my times with her.   So we now have my grandmother in law, making knitted boots and matching hats, even though we don’t know if we’re having a boy or girl.  

16-20 weeks 

By 16 weeks everything has become “normal” or more balanced again, I heard baby’s heartbeat for the first time at my 16week check up and started to notice a bump appearing and clothes not wanting to fit shortly after.  

Was still a strange experience. Like seeing baby moving at 12 weeks, but feeling nothing, it was the same hearing it move and not feeling it. I was given the strangest homework ever!!  My midwife told me that I needed to keep a note of when baby became active, e.i. after food, drinking, in the evening or morning etc... and then respond to it so that baby would respond to the midwife when I saw her next, at 25 weeks.   For a first time to be mum, that was odd and funny to be told, when you can’t feel anything moving and are going by what others have experienced.  

I didn’t start feeling anything till about week 19, first it was little sensations then all of a sudden when I was sitting down at the computer, the movements were quite distinctive in that they were not my normal.  

For me, the movements are like pulling fabric round in a bucket of water, that is baby turning or moving. Kicks feel like flicking the skin of a drum, without the sound, but you feel the vibration.  At times it feels ticklish and I just have to move around as it’s such a strange sensation.  

To make things interesting, as at my 20 week scan I finally find out if I'm growing a boy or girl, I decided to bake a cake half blue and half pink inside, then when I was ready to let people know what it was, I cut the right side and reveal the inner colour.

I can say, I’m growing into the roll of Motherhood. The sensations have changed, stronger movements and now feeling and seeing the kicks. I have fluttering’s, which could be fingers moving or hiccups and each week He (it’s a little boy) moves higher up my belly and my belly is now looking rather large as I sail past Week 25…

Next Blog:

Modern Art in St Ives - A glimpse into how Modern Artist’s such as Hepworth and Nicholson, came to settle in St Ives Cornwall, and the impact that has had.

Special Blanket - Inspired by quilters and knitters who pass things into the next generation. Here I pull patches which friends and family have made together, in the hope of creating a special baby blanket.

The Surprise Gift of Life: Part 2 - Continuing my journey of pregnancy

[spotlightsaga]

Kevin Cage of @spotlightsaga reviews... I Love Dick (S01E05) A Short History of Weird Girls Airdate: May 17, 2017 @amazonvideo Ratings: Privatized Ratings @amazon Score: 9.75/10 TVTime/FB/Twitter/Tumblr/Path/Pin: @SpotlightSaga **********SPOILERS BELOW********** The more I watch television... The more I write, review, observe, soak in, and immerse myself into what I'm watching the more I drop certain series, and cling to ones that stir up a thunderous rumble of emotions inside of me. Like Dick's art, sometimes those emotions don't have a name. Maybe they're new, maybe their not, but I feel those emotions with such a surging intensity that I know what I'm watching is beyond just a tv series and literally a piece of moving art, cinematic wonders that maybe aren't for everyone, but sure as hell should be. Amazon Studios' 'I Love Dick' is a special series, one of those rare entries that match and sometimes even surpasses its original source material. This series is literally the equivalent of females embracing their very fiber, their sexual being, and shouting out loud on the top of a mountain, echoing through a massive valley, stirring up birds and wildlife... As if to say, 'I'm here and this is who I am. I will not be shamed.' Although I'm a male, and my sexuality is of a different multi-colored variety, I connect with these women and somehow understand them on an enormously supreme level. 'A Short History of Weird Girls' is 'I Love Dick's masterpiece. As you may have noticed, and as I mentioned earlier, Ive changed the way I watch television. I've been holding onto this series, as I have with others... I actually have watched, documented, and written nearly a hundred unreleased articles. I review them, tweak them, add to them, sculpt them... Because much like this show, my writing has evolved, the way I watch tv has evolved, and the way I release these pieces I've written on these shows have evolved. This episode is somewhat in the vein of last years 'B.A.N' from Donald Glover's FX masterpiece 'Atlanta', in the sense that the core narrative takes a back seat and we are given a whole new point of view from the female characters within the series. Not everyone will see this for what this is, and some may even ridicule my interpretation & impressions, but 'A Short History of Weird Girls' is high art and should be viewed, handled, and studied as such. The more I watch 'I Love Dick' the more I see it's many different layers... It's hyper-feminine POV is Jill Soloway & Chris Kraus' alternative to HBO's hyper-masculine lens we see the show 'Ballers' through. Both shows are under appreciated, and besides that fact, the only thing that they have in common is their extreme opposite handling of how we see their worlds. Maybe 'I Love Dick' is actually less of a feminist masterpiece and more of a honest, existential, tribute to an open, bold, unchained and aggressive look at female sexuality... Sexuality in general, and where embracing it can take us. It makes me long for a truly honest look at the male take on sexuality, but 'Ballers' and it's earnest admissions that masculinity can so easily drive towards toxic levels with a snap of a finger, I know my wish is probably losing its way in the wind... At least for now. What if everyone wrote Dick letters? Chris Kraus (Kathryn Hahn) poses an interesting question at the very beginning of the episode and then suddenly that reality comes to life in one of the most vibrant, sexually charged and sensual episodes of television not only in 2017, but ever. Yes, people are throwing around the word 'Revolutionary' when it comes to 'I Love Dick' because that's exactly what it is. People as a whole never quite grasp 'revolutionary' at first do they? Chris starts off her letter at the beginning, as all characters do, and we join them on their individual journeys of sexual awakening & personal drive. She talks about her time in high school, her willingness to literally give herself to anyone, male or female, but never having any takers. Finally during her College Years, she's taken, fucked. That first encounter intoxicates her... What is it that made this man want her so badly? What was it that he found beautiful? Her mind wonders to all the things he doesn't mention, after all, we are insecure beings... Even the most confident person in the room has something in the back of their mind that they compensate for. We are imperfect... But for me, that's exactly what I find so perfect about the human form.... Imperfections, Sadness, a little bit of crazy, 'cuz, aren't we all? Chris, Devon (Roberta Colindrez), Paula (Lily Mojekwu), and Toby (India Menuez) all share their letters to Dick, chronicling his particular effects on their lives... Sexually and otherwise. They recall past lovers, current ones that they feel strong disconnect with, and that disconnect is chronicled with images of both positive and negative experiences. As the experiences head into more heartbreaking territory, or difficult memories to interpret, their sexual escapades are shown and the women are erased leaving a fading, cartoonish like presence of each woman as they are entangled with their lovers or the confusion with their burgeoning sexuality... Much like the short film 'Removed' that this very episode opens with where Tribeca Film Festival 'Jury Award' Nominee & experimental filmmaker, Naomi Uman, creates a series of clips of vintage porn and erases the women's images using fingernail polish remover. Each women's entry is captivating for separate reasons and encapsulates the Bright Eye's brainchild and this generations' Bob Dylan, Connor Oberst, idea that 'every heads a different world'. Sexuality is unique to every one person, male and female, and it's so goddamn refreshing to see, hear, and feel the lusty, powerful force of honesty in approach when it comes to sexual identity. Chris strikes up the dialogue as straight forward as it gets, "Dear Dick, I've been horny since I was six. I used to press my crotch into the belly of my stuffed rhino in the family room of our duplex in Cleveland, Ohio. I loved to hump him in front of our sitter Karen Harris. I used to say that Rhino was hungry and that I needed to feed him... And then Karen went away to college and I didn't feel like doing it anymore." As humans, we ARE sexual beings... Aren't you tired of feeling ashamed of certain impulses that occur naturally within your body? Even before I was six I had these feelings. My situation may have been unique and incredibly polarizing to the majority, and most likely this isn't the show, or should I say segment, to discuss every detail as to how I got to that point so early. It wouldn't exactly be considered a natural occurrence... But even my situation is more common than most people would like to admit, or flat out refuse to admit. All I know is that children should not be punished for acting on these impulses in an innocent manner. We should be asking more questions as to how they got there, but unfortunately people don't want to hear that answer. We are not disgusting or wrong for thinking about sex. Creating a taboo around certain subjects just catapults those very subjects into a high number of internet searches and 'behind-closed-doors' fetishes. Relationships are not as easy as everyone wants them to be. Monogamy might not exactly be obtainable the way most will it to be. Our desires for inclusiveness may just stem from a melodramatic inherited human trait of selfishness, an unwillingness to let those grow around us, because we want to own something. Whether its a relationship or a person within that relationship, the idea that it's "yours" is actually absurd. We can devote ourselves to someone, but in the end we are human. There are certain voids that exist in this life that we need to fill, as animals, as human beings. That's not to say someone can't sustain a healthy relationship with another for 50+ years, its just to say that we all have our own paths. Even if as people our paths are destined to intertwine... Like Devon and Chris... We still must continue to grow and move forward at our own rates, careful to not become codependent. Devon talks about Dick's strong masculine energy as something she embraces and emulates (unlike Chris who wants to take it in any which way she can), turning bits and pieces of it into her own. She uses that 'Dick Swag' to woo other women for sport, but when she falls in love away at college and her heart is broken she drops out of school and tosses her dreams out behind her on her way back to Texas. But it's there where Devon meets Chris and suddenly becomes inspired, tho briefly distracted by the free spirited, India. It's India who sees Dick as or through yet another color of light, Chris' is glowing red, Devon's an iridescent indigo, India's color is much more difficult... A damaged, slightly cracked, creamy shade of yellow... She had an intellectually and creatively stimulating home in New Mexico but her father, John Willis (played by People of Earth's Luka Jones) is a writer of children's books, so therefore felt like he could touch her. India doesn't seem too affected by this as she rattles it off like a cold, but natural fact of life. And here is where I once again am inspired to tell you, the reader, who may or may not know what that feels like... Suddenly the place where I talk about 'my situation' and deem Chris' experience close to mine, but an insufficient place to explore even a second of my experience becomes much more real... And much more appropriate. You see, like India, some of us are taught how to act on sexual behaviors at a young age. We all don't just experiment naturally like Paula, who talks about how seeing her mother's tampon string suddenly pushes her away from her youthful obsession of her mother or how masturbating at a young age became uninteresting once she learned there was a name for it... Hence Paula's infatuation for Dick's massive protruding, structural masculine art that has no name, no specific identity, no title... Some of us have a bit of a push, or an inappropriate 'class', if you will. India seems to be a 'victim' of non-violent sexual abuse as a young child. This is where things get very fucking confusing, because you see... As I mentioned before, India quickly rattles off this fact and sweeps on to the next. Why is that? In my own personal experience, it's extremely difficult to decipher just what sexual abuse is, especially when one isn't physically hurt or 'traditionally forced' into anything. I've written on the subject before and was met with polarizing responses. One young woman asked if she could take me home recently and drove me through the busy intersecting freeways, highways, backroad byways, and long winding ramps & roundabouts from the west end of Miami all the way to the tip of coastal Miami Beach, all the while with tears in her eyes relating to my written experiences, giving me a vivid account of her own. No one wants to see themselves as a victim, not REAL victims anyway. This idea of 'victim culture' is scoffed at by those who have been through it. Some of us may be victims, but we refuse to let that define us, or use it to try and gain sympathy or attention, applying it to causes or whatever it may be, because then suddenly we are admitting defeat or are forever trapped in those moments. The same moments we rarely tell anyone, or ever express. So when my words were recently met with disdain and accusations that I was trying to define sexual abuse in any way, I simply had to laugh. Once again, 'Every head is a different world'. The spectrum is huge, but I personally will not allow myself to be a victim, just like India it's a passing fact, it happened, it's part of my story... But you can't have it, it can't be more than what I'm giving it now... And my experience is simply one example, as is any other. Although slightly damaged, and beautiful in that fact, India captivates all in her presence... Unfortunately she leaves them a bit broken, just as she is. Trudging on, she turns porn into art at Columbia University, even centering her final undergrad thesis around the shapes of a woman's face as she sucks two cocks. For her PHD, she presented a written & visual presentation of what's known as 'gaping' in pornography. If you don't know what that is and you haven't watched the show, I'll let you explore that one at your own discretion. Her professors are a bit horrified and one even suggests she moves towards Gender Studies, much like India I would have laughed that off. I've always found such subjects to be pretentious and divisive, but hey, that's me. As a male, and according to one troll on the #BoilerRoom's comment section who took offense (and hammered down my context) to comments I made during an Oakland, CA show where one of the worst DJ Sets I've ever seen took place on a grand platform (that most people would kill to have) by some wealthy, frankly bored looking hopeful (whose passion and talents self-admittedly lie elsewhere), "I'm a 'washed up raver cis-male' who can't accept females in positions of power" (boy, he got that one comically incorrect, welcome to the 2017, age of the Internet). My comments were light and I was even trying to be supportive, saying that maybe that DJ could get better in time, my point was that she had gained that opportunity through either knowing someone or good looks. Men have created that opportunity for women to use, and I'm not saying that it isn't a legitimate way in... But my comments were taken out of context. You should be able to perform however you want, looking however you wan... But without passion, you are simply taking up an opportunity for the next person in line. A bit of research indicated she has had the opposite road of some of my strong, female musician acquaintances and friends of whom I list as fierce inspirations of my own work (however I do not and would never take away the common denominator of the grand, all-relatable human struggle). I have called upon & channeled the inspirations of women like long time Indianapolis & Midwest treasure, Techno Powerhouse, DJ Shiva, or now worldwide success and frankly G.O.A.T. House Music Legend, The Black Madonna. These women worked so hard & sacrificed so much & never rested on their laurels. I am inspired by strong females, but I don't necessarily see them as just females, I see them as human beings, who like me, have had to work a little harder to get where they're at. No one has handed me anything, and many times when I had something, I blew it. We are all working against something, someone, ourselves, time... My inspirations in life are a direct product of my environment, just like the different presentations of myself over the years. And no one will take away my freedom of speech, right to an opinion (whether it's agreed with or not), or use a term like 'cis-male' to insinuate that I don't understand what it's like to be discriminated against, to be confused about who and what I am, the complexities of human sexuality, and so on and so forth. I often tell people about my first experience in Chicago at the age of 12. I went to the Art Institute of Chicago with a large group of my fellow schoolmates, but i broke free from the pack and wondered into rooms unaccompanied. I found myself suddenly surrounded by 'Impressionist & Post-Impressionist' Paintings, peppered with Medieval & Renaissance Art. My eyes centered on this massive painting that literally popped out of the wall, surrounded by a low lying rope, to keep people away from its magnificence, but their view unobstructed... It was Georges Seurat's 1884 pointillist painting 'A Sunday Afternoon on La Grande Jatte. I felt small and insignificant, like one of the pinpoint dots that made up what seemed like a million little dots that made up the painting. I've always had trouble describing that memorable moment, but Paula knocked it out in one line while describing how Dick's art made her feel, "It evoked in me a feeling of boundlessness... It was fucking terrifying." Yes, that's exactly it. 'Dear Great Man, Genius, Loner, Cowboy', India lists off Dick's accomplishments in the most condescending tone she can possibly channel. India had previously known of Dick through the Art History books her parents had lying around the house. Dick's was her favorite, not in the normal sense. She is young. She has known pain. She has worked hard to get where she is at. India is beautiful, but she doesn't use that to her advantage to succeed. She takes the hardest route possible, because she simply doesn't want what everyone else wants and she knows that anything worth having in this life doesn't come free... And that's something I can connect to. 'Dear Dick, We are not far from your doorstep.' Yasss, Queen! Jill Soloway just directed a fn' knockout... And the all female writing staff, this one headed by Annie Baker and Heidi Schreck deserve a Spotlight Saga nomination for Achievement in Writing... And Soloway for Directing. India's final words to Dick sent a surge of electricity through my body. This is exactly how I look at the AV Club. Knock Knock.

[yusunabydearmstrong]

-. C O R  R  U  P  T U S    V .-

…

"Where… where am I?" Zero blinked before clearing his eyes. "Morty!"

Nothing.

There was absolutely nothing in that room, an intense light that threatened to blind him, was the only thing that bathed that place. There was no one else but silence.

"Where's Morty!"

He tried, then, move to see how extensive the place was, but he was bound with a kind of luminous chain that only allowed him to crawl a few paces; His wrists connected to the floor; And in his neck a collar that he could scarcely felt.

-Time for the transmission of trial for terrorism against the Mortys, starting at-

-Three-

The Ricks' jail was worse than the Galactic Federation one; Being a place where only Ricks were admitted, the punishments were more personalized [Yes, in the Galactic Federation were hundreds of pesky monsters, but that's the only thing the Ricks had to deal with in an eternity; Compared to this place, it was almost a vacation].

-Two-

The base date  reads the worst fears of the accused Rick, and individually were projected on the four walls of the white suite; Making it a kind of 3D assembly that can’t be stopped, with the ability to smell and feel textures.  

Repeating again and again.

-One-

If they had arrested Rick a few months earlier, he might even enjoy his fears. What sense would life have if we didn’t let ourselves fill with our emotions? His fears were also his fantasies: die; a hopefully and a premature pretty death.

But it was a different thing project pain into himself, and another one reflecting it to an innocent person. Damn the moment when he met Fan Morty, all his fears were thrown on him.

The white cell transported him to an alley in the citadel where some unknown subject cornered the child with blows. See him suffer at the hands of some stranger, smell the fresh blood spilling from his body, hear his cries of despair that only called out his name:

¨Help me Zero, please help me... ¨

Zero spent the next few hours in extreme anxiety, every second was worse than the previous one and his limbs tied did nothing but drive him crazy, he knew it was a projection, a farce reality, but when he closed his eyes his own mind played the same game.

He hold on his fear and focused on denying it, and he was doing it right since the voices began to sound distant and the blood he has splashed began to slip away from him, he was gaining against the room.

Or that’s what he thought.

The scenario that collapsed built another immediately but this time, it was strangely familiar, it was his house, more specific the garage. There was no one else but him tied up on the floor, suspicious enough to start a punishment.

Steps along the corridor alerted him a chase, socks on carpet, some things falling in the hallway, and voices that, as they approached, became more and more distinguishable.

"No, please, leave me alone!"

Morty entered the room desperately, closing behind him the door that increasingly threatened to collapse, the boy dressed in white boxers and a long blue nightgown; He looked terrified.

"Zero!"  his face lit up " You won’t let him do me anything, right? "

The tears in his eyes crowned his face and suddenly the door finally gave way. Had been his friend, Writer Rick, the one who was harassing Morty. What happened next was something that might well have written an erotic, sickly novel.

Zero felt a twist in his heart, for a second he forgot that it was all a deep fear and he wanted run to help him. The chains tightened their ankles to the ground more and more, and the mere fact of listening Morty asking for help, destroyed him.

Hologram or not, he had not been there for him, he couldn’t actually remember a single moment when he was. He just stay there, chaining, staring at the little space that his tearful, repentant eyes let him see.

"Forgive me, Morty ... Forgive me, please."

But the Morty, that who had to forgive him, was hundreds of miles away from him; Nobody knows if in the same galaxy. How can we know if he was still alive; Or if he had become one injured Morty more of a million.  

…

"Hi, Miami Morty, how are you today?" The nurse, fussy about knowing more about that extroverted Morty, placed both arms on the counter, seductively.

"Whatcha’ want, sweetie?" - the receptionist informed, without even taking his eyes off the magazine.

"So I bring you a Morty for the Riq IV’s collection, he’s a little dizzy because I missed the dose of sedatives.

"Isn’t that negligence, moron?"

"It isn’t if I was thinking of you, Miami Morty"

The guy lowered his magazine to reveal his ostentatious glasses and his extravagant straight hair. The nurse was just ... a nurse.

"You can be able to distracted by thinking of me when you've discovered something interesting that gives us an advantage over these bastards."

"Oh geez, but my Rick doesn’t usually let me use his lab.

"And mine doesn’t let me fuck him. Fix that and only then can you talk to me again, culero"

The nurse put on a long face as he went to the infirmary slowly, Miami Morty only opened the door behind the lobby and pushed Fan Morty into it. Then he went back to his chewing gum and his turbulent fashion magazine.

The interior was a place bathed in pheromones and warm lights; There weren’t so many Mortys wandering around, but the ones there were...  were really busy between them. Fan Morty just crossed the threshold looking all distant, apparently he was the only one who had something on is body, even if it was an infirmary coat.

His head was spinning, it was almost like swimming in a sea made of ​​reality and fantasy, he remembered everything that had happened, but he was really far from it, Miami Morty entered a few seconds later with a tray of juices.

"Al’ right bitches, here are your medicines, take them before Riq arrive"

"Where I am?" asked weak Fan Morty, Miami ignored his question and put a glass in his hand.

The liquid was black.

"This will help you enter in confidence, darling,  and you'd better take off that nasty nursing gown; For what he’s going to do with you, you won’t need it"

"What is he going to do with me?"

"Whatever I want" Riq IV snapped up, stepping confidently into the room, frightening several Mortys running away from him.

Miami Morty stepped aside as well, letting the adult corral Morty in a corner. This boy could be stoned, but it didn’t take away the fear of that evil being.

"I've heard a lot about you, you've suffered a lot because of us," he caressed her cheek, "and yet, you still want us ..."

But Morty didn’t seem want to answer him,  he heard the words perfectly, though he didn’t quite understand them; Tried to remove that hand from his face, but his body clung to hold the glass that  Miami gave him, In the distance this same Morty beckoning to him that drinking it.

"I promise I won’t hurt you." The older man crouched down to kiss his forehead, all Mortys looking at them expectantly.

Then he kissed him again, this time in the nose, followed by a rose of lips that didn’t get any response from the boy. The shrieks of the other Mortys didn’t wait, Riq IV had never been so kind to anyone.

"You already have"

"What?" Riq sat up.

"You already did..." the disbelieving countenance of the adult, Miami in the distance silently telling him to shut up, the barely control of his body "You have already taken away Zero from me"

The Mortys hid behind Miami, this one was sweaty when the councilman turned to see him.

"You told me he no longer belonged to anyone," he said in annoyance.

"He doesn’t!" Not physically, not legally ... he's supposed to be ready to quench a new master... master"

"I am your only and absolute master now! Do you understand?" adult anger raged against the eyes of Ricks' staunch fanatic.

"Yes." he swallowed "Sir."

A punch in the face was the prize of his audacity, and Rick's Machiavellian smile made the spectators tremble.

"Let's see if you understand better after what I will do with you, you fucking bastard..."

Miami Morty ran away from the scene carrying a few innocent Mortys before they were punished too. There in the lobby, out of danger, stood the lawyer with his arms folded. Like who carries a dog to the aesthetic and waits his turn to leave.

"Mortimer, he did it," Miami shouted. "The Morty Nurse did it, the serum he gave him had the perfect blend of obedience and docility. The rest of the guys have to know this"

"I know," the informed man concluded. "But I want to try with this Morty every serum, I don’t need mistakes for what we plan, body"

"What do you mean? "  Miami blinked. "But it worked very well on that Morty"

"To be able to control someone they have be allowed to forget they past, even to the people that they loved. Maybe this Morty is pretending all this stuff and what if he even remembers his... Zero. The moment he forget about him, we will know if we have succeeded.

"But for that we’d have to try on him all kind of substances! "

"Do you want to be the one in his place?"

"..."

"When he’s done, send him to the infirmary, and make sure I don’t waste my time again with such stupid tests like this."

"Yes, Mr. Mortimer," Miami blurted out, behind all these curious Mortys sticking to the door to see the scene from the other room.

"And Miami, hold on your whores "We don’t want setbacks"

"My... whores?"

"Isn’t what they are?" the lawyer left with less patience than he entered, but with great relief inside. The operation was going well, soon the Mortys would rule over the Ricks. All the pieces fit in their puzzle.

Even Zero.

If super fan Morty was the taster of the serum / machine that would rule the Ricks when the Mortys took over; Then Zero should be the Rick that would be used for the rest of the experiments.

He had thought of an age paralysis, something that would allow the Ricks to stay in that state forever; So the punishment for their crimes alongside the Mortys would be permanent and what better guinea pig than a convict?

A group of his best scientists visited him that afternoon, Zero were only a few hours there, and he was already catastrophically wounded; At the level of consciousness, of course.

As soon as they entered Zero's cell, he didn’t bother asking be taken out of there but know about Morty, his Morty. The lawyer looked at him nonchalantly, his team did what they had to do.

It was still a mystery why there was such a close bond between them. It would be love? Impossible, a Rick could never worry about a Morty, and no Morty could withstand such contempt from a Rick and still love him.

Separate them, then; was an even sweeter taste than victory itself; Which eventually occurred, in favor of the Mortys, clearly.

There was nothing else that could be added to their destinies.

Zero was confined to a joint cell after his 'merced' cooperation to the troops of Mortimer X'043; Fan Morty was treated with supplements and patch of memories that bordered him to run the nursery as in his good times.

But now, the nursery was not housing Mortys but Ricks; and they life continued normal after that.

                                                                     After that…

[drades-lair]

Being mortal - hope

Author: Drade666

Rating: G

Pairings: Lucifer x female reader

Fandom: Supernatural

Other :

Part 1

“Can I see him?” You finally managed in a strained voice

 “Not yet we need him to stabilize a little first” The nurse told you

 “Okay” You, stated earning a sorrowful smile from the nurse just before she left.

 Before you knew it morning had come with sun streaming through your hospital window as tears fell from your eyes. You looked out the window through tear clouded vision and all you could see was his face, his laugh everything right up to the look he had given you right after the accident. Lucifer had turned his head towards you for a moment before you had passed out with pain filled eyes that were pleading with you to make it all stop with nothing that you could do about it. You remembered the first hunt Lucifer had gone on with you after becoming mortal he was wonderful, strong, fast even elegant for saying he’d only ever fought as an archangel he handled himself well that’s also when you figured he’d stolen your heart. Just as the memory faded you heard someone enter the room causing you to jump a little, wiping the tears from your cheeks before looking in the direction of the doorway to see the younger blonde haired nurse standing there with a set of scrubs in hand.

 “I’m here with your discharge papers,” the nurse stated placing the clothing on the end of the bed then handing the clipboard to you to sign.

 “Thank you…you wouldn’t happen to know anything about my friend Nick would you?” You asked hoping that you might be able to see him.

 “I don’t know much but he’s still pretty unstable in ICU” The nurse explained taking the clipboard from you then sat it on the hospital tray.

 “I see, thank you” You said as she began to remove your IV then helped you out of bed and to get dressed.

 “There your good to go” She said with a happy smile

 “Thanks again and do you know where Nick is?” You inquired

 “Yes, 3rd floor room 201 any other questions can be answered by the ICU nurse up there” The nurse told you before walking out of the room. You followed her out then made a V-line for the elevators where you pressed the large circular button that indicated for it to go to the 3rd floor.

 You limped out of the elevator once it had stopped on the 3rd floor where all the ICU rooms were. You walked up to the large nurses station desk where a young black haired nurse was sitting going through paperwork only looking up when you placed a hand on the top of the wooden desk.

 “Can I help you?” The nurse asked with a smile

 “Yeah, I’m looking for someone who’s in ICU…um, his name is Nick” You explained

 “Nick? One moment please” The nurse stated as she turned to a computer, typing on the key board until she smiled with acknowledgement that she’d gotten something.

 “Yep, he’s in room 201 but unfortunately the doctors aren’t allowing any visitors to see him at the moment” the nurse explained with a regrettable frown on her face.

 “That’s alright, I’ll wait” You told the nurse before finding a chair in the waiting area to sit down on.

 Hours passed or so you thought hell it probably could have even been days as people came in to the waiting area then left while nurses exchanged shifts with doctors running around. You heard more then one code blue come over the speaker system making you nervous that it could be Lucifer but no one ever came to talk to you afterwards so that was a good sign at least. You leaned forward in the chair you were sitting in, resting your face in your hands as your elbows rested on your thighs when a doctor approached the nurses station with the young black haired nurse there again tilting her head towards you. The doctor nodded at the nurse then walked over to you with a clipboard in hand, a stethoscope around his neck and gray hair as he approached you stood up to meet him halfway with hope in your eyes.

 “Your Nick’s next of kin?” the doctor asked

 “Yes, yes I am…is he?” You began but couldn’t quite ask the question

 “He’s finally stable” The doctor told you

 “Really? Can I see him?” You wondered in surprise

 “Yes but try to keep calm cause his appearance might startle you” The doctor stated indicating for you to follow him to the room.

 You followed him until the two of you reached an ICU room that had the number 201 written in black on it. You let the doctor open the door then entered after taking a deep breath only to inhale sharply with your eyes widening to the size of dinner plates at the sight of Lucifer. The doctor closed the door behind himself as you cautiously began to walk over to Lucifer’s seemingly lifeless body that had wires connecting to monitors, tubes that connected to a respirator and IV bags as well as other things. Your hand hesitated to pull the blanket down to see his injuries as if you expected to still see the pipe there or his guts spilling out from the wounds on either side of his body, of course that was stupid but nonetheless it stopped you from continuing instead you placed your hand on top of Lucifer’s gently. You looked up at the monitor showing his blood pressure and heart rate to see that it was fluctuating quite a bit. Lucifer’s chest was rising then falling with each breath he took but they were also erratic when suddenly the doctor came up on the opposite side of the bed to explain something to you.

 “The pole severed most of his vital organ in his abdomen along with 3 major arteries and to be perfectly honest I’m surprised he even survived the trip to the hospital,” The doctor explained pulling the blanket past Lucifer’s torso till it sat just above his hips revealing his bare, bandaged abdomen.

 “We managed to repair most of the internal damage but…” The doctor trailed off

 “But what?” You asked seeing the distress on his face

 “Well, the damage to the organs was extensive so were as some we could repair there were others that even though we stopped the bleeding and closed the injuries they may still fail” The doctor stated bluntly

 “What?” You breathed out as complete hopelessness filled your heart

 “At this point we’ll just have to wait and see” The doctor said but you could see it in his eyes, he didn’t expect Lucifer to live past tonight. The doctor left you alone with Lucifer more then likely so you could say your final goodbyes but you weren’t giving up on him, not yet cause you still had one last hope. You tangled your fingers in Lucifer’s, rubbing the top of his hand with your thumb while your other hand brushed a stray strand of hair from his face, which was paler then you’d ever seen it with dark circles under his eyes. You let a tear fall as you leaned down to place a kiss to his forehead before releasing his hand then walking out of the door, down the hallway to the elevators till you made it to the parking lot. The night air was crisp as trees shed their leaves like a snake shedding it’s skin in preparation for the winter’s harshness to come as you stood in the middle of the parking lot your breath came out in small wispy clouds that shimmered in the light from the crescent moon over head. You took a deep breath then looked up at the star filled, clear night sky before closing your eyes to focus your mind.

 “I don’t know how to do this but I guess…I pray to Gabriel the archangel, messenger of god…. please Gabriel you don’t know me but I know your brother Lucifer and he’s in trouble, he’s dying and I could really use your help so please…” You didn’t get a chance to finish your prayer as wings were heard fluttering behind you.

 You spun around to see a man standing behind you with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes that seemed to be staring at you with intensity. You had never met Gabriel but Lucifer had spoken of the archangel often enough that you felt as if you’d known him all your life so you figured what the heck.

 “Where is he?” Gabriel asked with power clearly emitting from his voice

 “He’s…um…he’s inside…let me show you” You insisted leading the way into the hospital. Gabriel followed you all the way to room 201 where Lucifer was still comatose and when Gabriel entered the room he jolted slightly, stopping in his tracks at the sight of his older brother. On the trip up you’d explained what had happened to Gabriel from the moment Lucifer became human to him getting into the accident with you but still it appeared to be a shock for him.

 “Can you help him?” You asked with concern in your voice

 Gabriel approached gingerly then looked over Lucifer with a hand hovering just over him as if he was sensing the air around Lucifer. Gabriel sighed heavily then looked solemnly at his brother before looking up at you causing your heart to speed up in anticipation for the worst news of all time to come but instead Gabriel let a smirk spread across his face while his hazel eyes shimmered. Gabriel shook his head causing a small strand of hair to fall into his face before he batted it out of the way when his gaze fixed back on you.

 “Oh man big bro, what have you gotten into this time?” Gabriel scoffed out with a slight chuckle while his gaze returned to Lucifer.

 “I don’t see what’s so funny! Now can you help him or not?” You snapped in annoyance

 “Of course I can especially seeing as he’s human” Gabriel assured you rather cockily

 Gabriel held up his hand then snapped his fingers before laying it flat on Lucifer’s injured abdomen. Lucifer’s breathing hitched slightly as his stomach also recoiled indicating something was happening before he settled back down again still unconscious, which made you question just what the archangel had done.

 “What did you do?” You demanded

 “Relax, he’ll wake soon enough” Gabriel assured you removing his hand from Lucifer’s abdomen.

 “He will?” You wondered in a softer tone

 “Yep, I healed all the damage done so he should wake up soon” Gabriel further explained

 You and Gabriel started the waiting game again but at least this time you knew that Lucifer would awake it would just take time. Days passed with little change in Lucifer’s condition but the doctors did seem to be a little flustered as they tried to figure out just how Lucifer’s injuries had seemed to just disappear. You left one day to get a coffee out of the cafeteria downstairs with Gabriel opting to follow you but he didn’t say anything until after you sat down with your coffee.

 “You know when I asked Lucifer what he’d gotten himself into this time, I wasn’t referring to the accident” Gabriel stated staring at you from across the crappy little table.

 “I figured as much” You stated already having figured that out

 “Really?” Gabriel asked quirking an eyebrow in surprise

 “Yep, but to be honest I don’t know what I’ve gotten myself into either” You explained taking a sip of coffee, making a disgusted face afterwards at the sludge like brew.

 “Not sure if you can love an archangel?” Gabriel wondered

 “No, just not sure if I can handle having my heart beaten like this” You corrected

 “What do you mean?” Gabriel asked waving a chocolate bar into being

 “Every time something happens I’m not sure I could handle the emotional stress of worrying about him” You explained again

 “Ah, your tough not to mention adaptable so I’m positive you’d do just fine” Gabriel assured you as he took a bite out of the chocolate bar.

 “How do you do it?” You asked Gabriel

 “What?” Gabriel asked curiously

 “You’ve obviously been with Lucifer longer then me, how do you handle worrying about him?” You asked again in detail

 “Me and Lucifer have been close since I can remember as for worrying I guess its just well…we share it” Gabriel tried to explain but was clearly having some difficulty

 “What do you mean you share it?” You wondered furrowing your brows in curiosity

 “I mean that I worry about him about as much as he does about me so it kind of spreads it out, if that makes any sense” Gabriel stated shrugging his shoulders

 “It doesn’t” You stated

 “I know sorry I was never really good at explaining the philosophical crap” Gabriel apologized with a chuckle that made you giggle.

 “Shall we get back?” Gabriel offered after finishing his chocolate bar then dunking the wrapper into the nearest garbage can. You nodded then followed him out back up to Lucifer’s room but just before you reached his room several doctors and nurses ran past both of you into the room. Gabriel furrowed his brow in confusion while concern rose in your stomach like something was swimming around in it before both of you took off towards the room. You skidded to a halt in front of the doorway to Lucifer’s room to see at least 6 or so people standing around him trying to settle him down as he thrashed trying to get them away. You didn’t even hesitate or think before sprinting in to push past the doctors and nurses until you were right next to Lucifer placing your hands on either side of his face to cup it, forcing him to focus on you.

 “Back off! Your upsetting him!” You shouted at the people cause you knew Lucifer wasn’t much of a people person let alone seeing that many around him after such a traumatizing event. Eventually you convinced the hospital staff to back off from Lucifer allowing you to work freely at calming him the only way you knew how to and you didn’t give a crap what they thought about the name.

 “Lucifer, Lucifer…hey, it’s okay” You insisted as he grabbed weakly onto your wrists

 “No! No it’s not…what’s going on?” Lucifer demanded clearly still a little hazy after coming too.

 “Lucifer! Look at me!” You demanded forcing his face to look up at yours. Lucifer whimpered a little then opened his eyes to look up at you with a sharp inhale of breath causing him to finally relax a little.

 “(Y/N)?” Lucifer breathed out as his heart rate began to slow

 “Yes, yes that’s right it’s me. Just relax you’re in a hospital. Do you remember the accident?” You asked in a soothing voice

 “Yes…I remember the truck…then the pain…”Lucifer trailed off with a wince at the memory

 “Okay, okay that’s good. You just woke up after being unconscious from that so let the doctor look you over.” You explained loosening your grip on his face a little but his grip tightened

 “Don’t leave!” Lucifer exclaimed in a slight panic

 “It’s okay, it’s okay, I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be right here” You assured him as you gently eased him back to the mattress then slid on to the bed allowing him to lay his head on your shoulder for reassurance. The other nurses left leaving only one nurse with the doctor as he looked Lucifer over as well as repaired anything that had been disturbed during Lucifer’s little spas attack. Your hand continuously stroked Lucifer’s temple with the backs of your knuckles while the doctor removed the bandages to get a better look at the still damaged flesh that Gabriel couldn’t heal after having used so much grace to heal the internal damage. Lucifer winced with a whimper when the doctor started to clean them causing Lucifer’s hand to clench in the fabric of your pants as well as bury his face in the nape of your neck. You moved the hand that was brushing his temple to cup the back of his head while placing a kiss to the top of his head with your other hand tangling with his as he squeezed it until the doctor was finished re-bandaging the wounds.

 “There, there, he’s finished” You whispered soothingly into Lucifer’s ear. You could tell he was desperately trying to make sense of everything going on around him but couldn’t manage to put the pieces together. You didn’t move from his side simply held him until he fell back asleep in your arms that’s when Gabriel came in clearly feeling for his brother. You laid Lucifer flat on the bed but still stayed beside him as he slept and if any of the doctors or nurses wondered about you calling him Lucifer they didn’t ask so you didn’t bother with it simply let the gif horse be. Hours passed before Lucifer began to stir with a moan he shifted his head from side to side then slowly began to open his eyes while the haze cleared you leaned over Lucifer so he could get a good look at you.

 “(Y/N)? What…where am I?” Lucifer asked groggily as he brought his free hand up to wipe across his face.

 “Take it easy, your in the hospital remember?” You asked him in a gentle voice

 “No…wait…yes, yes I do…”Lucifer suddenly trailed off as he averted his gaze from you.

 “What’s wrong?” You asked with clear concern in your voice

 “I’m so sorry…” Lucifer apologized looking to the side

 “For what?” You asked furrowing your brow in confusion

 “For how I acted…before” Lucifer explained

 Suddenly you understood he was talking about the flip out he’d done earlier after waking up for the first time since the accident. You realized that he was feeling ashamed for having acted so out of control, so needy, which believe it or not made you feel better cause it was an indication that he had his pride back.

 “It’s okay Lucifer, you were just confused that’s all and perhaps even a little…scared” You dared to say such a thing about Lucifer. You could see Lucifer fighting in his own mind to deny the accusation but clearly he couldn’t cause it was true he had been scared and you’d seen it in his eyes.

 “I’m pathetic” Lucifer finally spoke in a hushed voice

 “No, your just human and when we endure something we don’t understand or that’s too much for us we react a little out of character” You explained pulling his face gently towards you. You leaned down to tap your forehead to his then kissed his nose before settling back against his forehead with his blue eyes locking on your (E/C) ones. Lucifer surprised you suddenly though as he leaned up to press a kiss to your lips now causing you to resist at first before leaning in to the kiss. After pulling from the kiss Lucifer winced slightly from the wounds on his sides causing him to hiss through his teeth before settling back on to the bed.

 “How did I…survive?” Lucifer asked with his breath still hitching a little as the pain settled again.

 “Well, I kind of…called for help” You told him then shifted your gaze over to Gabriel who had been leaning against the far wall the whole time.

 “Gabriel?” Lucifer questioned when he saw him

 “The one and only” Gabriel chimed as he pushed off of the wall and swaggered his way over to the bed.

 “But I don’t understand…” Lucifer stated in confusion

 “Your girl here called me, told me you were in trouble so I dropped everything and shagged ass over here” Gabriel briefly explained

 “Thank you Gabriel” Lucifer chuckled at the realization that his brother still cared about him even after he’d been cast out of heaven and now turned mortal.  

 “You’re my bro so count me in on getting you back to normal” Gabriel told Lucifer with a smile. Lucifer smiled back with a nod before shifting to lay his head on your shoulder then closed his eyes to rest.

 Several weeks later Lucifer was finally discharged from the hospital allowing you to take him home with you to finish the healing process. Lucifer was still supposed to rest so you decided to take the opportunity to teach him a little more about being human especially seeing as he seemed to be interested in moving your relationship to the next level. Lesson one human anatomy and the differences between male people and female people, a lesson that would be very hands on.    

[bootisimo]

ok so i dont care if im spamming my personal shit bc this is fucking tumblr & i need to just talk abt things

so im going to talk abt my best friend audrey. i havent had a best friend since around 7th grade (I’m a graduating senior this year) & my overall friend group has been really unstable & changes a lot, so I didn’t realize it at the time, but I haven’t made any deep connections in high school and it’s kinda sucked. Pair that up with me being super insecure because everybody talked about me behind my back in middle school and literally nobody outside of my group of 5 friends could stand to be near me (which I only learned around 2 months ago & it’s fucked me up so much, especiallyl because i was so oblivious & for all i know the same thing could still be happening), so I’ve felt very isolated and alone without realizing it for basically all of my scary developmental years. & then this new girl comes to school, and I meet her a the beginning of senior year! & she’s so wonderful and we click so well and after knowing each other for barely any time i felt so close to her and I was essentially drunk off of finally being close to someone again and she was all i ever thought abt bc i loved spending time with her so much! ((that sounds weird and obsessive but i promise im exaggerating i just kinda accidentally started idolizing her and absorbing her mannerisms bc thats what i always do)) & following my stupid fucked up pattern for people im clsoe to, i was all over her for a few months then i started doing that isolating thing and i convinced myself that her & the rest of my friends barely tolerate me (it didn’t help that this is senior year & shit actually did happen w two of my other close friends so my friend group is shrinking rapidlyl and i dont want to put effort into roping it back together), so I became really unhappy without realizing it bc i repress everything and i literally have so much trouble processing and actually feeling what’s going on around me . thats where my problems with derealization come from, because it crosses the line into literally not being able to say if im awake or in a dream, or if i exist or not, so how the fuck would i be able to know if i was happy or unhappy? im realizing tonight that ive been actually, truly depressed for an indeterminant amount of time, and that really scares me with the whole bipolar issue bc ive figured out that i cant live life without control. i need independence and control over my entire sense of self or i can’t cope, and its super unhealthy but its the only way i know how. and if im bipolar like im starting to believe i might be and like my therapist thinks is a definite possibility, then kind of by definition that means that i don’t have control, over my actions or my moods or my life, especially if it’s bad enought that i need medication. and judging by just how bad things have been recently, right when i start being able to feel my emotions without automatically shutting them down (so I’m feeling them to the full extent that i shielded myself from, in other words), i don’t think i can succeed, or even survive, on my own if this is what my daily life becomes. I’m losing my control right before I’m really going to need it, right before i turn 18 and go to college and actually need to take care of myself, and I’m so anxious about it that I constantly feel like I’m going to vomit, and like there’s a dumbbell sitting both on my chest and at the bottom of my stomach. when I repressed everything, i was always relaxed. i literally could not make myself stress or feel bad about anything, which is super unhealthy, but now it’s like i can’t make myself not be stressed, and i can’t reverse it!! I’ll try to feel like I used to because not feeling is so so so much easier than feeling, but it’s like I’ve forgotten how!! 

anyway part of the reason my relationship with audrey is so good and so bad is bc it’s super hard for me to actually talk to her, because I always struggle with guilt because of how easy my life is compared to my friends. feeling like i have things better than anyone makes me feel so guilty that i want to die, which is probably a part of the depressive episodes, so I’ll go through periods where I’ll talked to audrey but i literally wont’ say anything to her bc i feel so guilty about how much she has to deal with, and then it’s like we aren’t even friends anymore and its 100% my fault because I consciously pull away and just think about dying for a week or two and convince myself that i dont need or deserve any friends or anyone to talk about the issues im having with. when i actually do share things with audrey, i lover her even more, because she never makes me feel guilty for having things she doesnt, and she always reminds me to that im trying to be conscious of the differences in our lives, and she always makes me feel so good about myself because that’s the kind of person she is. she’s been through so much more than most people, and I don’t even know a lot of the details about her life. its amazing though not just because she went through it--it always pisses me off as a trans person when people tell me i’m “brave” just for living and transitioning, and i know she would feel the same if i thought she was amazing just bc she’s survived so much. but she’s amazing for how she deals with it, mostly. you can tell she has a lot of problems coping but she still always makes an effort to make people feel included, and to better herself, and to be fucking kind. I’m always so amazed by how kind she is and how little she deserves all the shit that life throws at her, and I dont say that to her bc it’s always uncomfortable when people tell you that, but I’m really starstruck by her. i very often just start thinking about what a genuinely caring, selfless person she is--not like me, who does everything because of the reaction that I anticipate from other people. when she’s kind, you can just tell that it’s because she wants to be kind and doesnt care about the consequences. she is a good person far deeper down than I am and its amazing to see that at work. I’ve actually been standing up for my beliefs and saying something when I think someone’s in the wrong just because I’ve been around her and I’ve seen her do that 

but the worst thing is that we met so close to the end of graduation. we just found out we’re all staying in the area next year but with my habit of suddenly dropping people for no reason, I can’t guarantee we’ll stay close, and that makes me so so sad because I genuinely think the more time I spend with audrey, the better a person I become. it’s hard to balance because I also make all my bad decisions with audrey because we fuel each other because w’ere so similar, so that makes it hard to. (haha we’re both geminis after all, and i dont believe in astrology but the idea that two geminis always have short, intense bursts of relationships, so they’re hard to make last, seems super accurate for us, and I’m afraid that tha’ts whats going to happen) 

anyway I’m just typing a lot because dear audrey gave me an adderall to take so i could last the night & not die, and it’s more than I normally take, so my focus on this post is so intense, and adderall makes you rambly anyway. it’s good to take a lot every once and a while though because just thinking things through in this focused, controlled but optimistic and basically unbiased outlook that adderall gives you can be super helpful--typing this out has actually been pretty similar to my therapy sessions, except nobody has to ask me questions and prod at what I say to interpret my thoughts. damn i hope i can get a prescription because i feel like this is exactly how people who can actually ge their work done and not drift off constantly feel like, and I feel like now that I know how adderall feels and how homework is actually feasible when I take even a small dose, like half of a 30mg pill, I can’t expect myself to keep fumbling through my academic life once it costs 20k per year, and when I’m not on adderall, I’m always, always fumbling and confused, no matter what I’m doing. I feel like I’m just realizing how much I need it, and the people around me aren’t as surprised because they’ve always seen it, because it’s literally always been there, but they just assumed I was disorganized and spacey, and when I say “I think I have ADHD,” theyre’re jsut like “oh, I never thought of that but now that you’ve said it I absolutely believe that, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.” It’s inhibited me enough in my life, especially in school, that in my freshman year all of my teachers called my parents in and told them to test me & my sister for ADHD, and the only reason it never happened is because there was a miscommunication and my mom thought the school had screend us for free, when me & emma have never ever seen a doctor about it 

things are jsut bad rn bc it’s like i stand on both edges of a really small planet. on one side is the adhd stuff, and the realization that if I get treatment, life could be a lot more possible for me than I ever knew it was possible to me. on the other side is the emotions that I’m not able to repress anymore (maybe it’s the bipolar vs the adhd, maybe not--again, not diagnosed, and definitely not self diagnosing). these emotins that I’m actually starting to be able to process are a lot worse than I ever realized they were, and it’s promising the opposite of the adhd side--that things could get much worse than I ever knew they could get, and that they’re already headed that way. 

sorry for making you all scroll past this thing, but it’s been really helpfulto be able to sort my thoughts out like this. I definitely feel like i just prepared myself to make progress in my therapy session on friday, at the very least. maybe things can actually be ok after all