#it sucks when people hurt you

[zforzelma]

“My ex was a narcissist/has BPD” is the new “my ex was a crazy bitch” and should be treated with just as much skepticism.

[problemnyatic]

Look, the bottom line is this. You're gonna be wrong and fuck up sometimes, that's just how being human works. No matter what you mean or how much you care, sometimes, you're gonna do something or say something that hurts someone or perpetuates bigotry you don't believe in.

The goal isn't to do no wrong, that's an impossible standard. The mark of "a good person" isn't that they always do good, it's that they're willing to admit when they've failed, done wrong, made a mistake, and they're willing to course-correct when they do.

It's important that you're trying. It's okay to be the bad guy. You don't need to get defensive, you don't need to stake your identity in "person who never does that kind of wrong." You just gotta be able to say "Fuck, my bad, I'm sorry," accept that your behavior didn't reflect your beliefs, and change your behavior so that it better represents who you mean to be.

The less time you spend lingering on whether it feels like people believe you are who you say you are, the more time you can spend getting better at being that person.

Some people will try to tear you down when you make mistakes, they'll try to pigeonhole you as a "bad person," someone whose very existence is defined by doing harm. This isn't your problem, and it's not your responsibility to prove anything to them. They don't have to believe you, and you don't have to appease them. So long as you're willing to accept when you *do* hurt someone, intentional or not, and you're willng to put in the effort to make reparations and change, you'll never "be a bad person."

Let yourself fuck up. All you have to do is course-correct when you notice your actions' impact have strayed from your intentions. The right people will notice that effort, and they'll be proud of you. And perhaps most importantly of all, they'll let you make that effort. Anyone who tells you it's too late to change, to discourage you from improving, or stop you from trying, is not your frend. You don't have to impress them. Ignore them, and let yourself change.

[makiswirl]

can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest

like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!

[fredoesque]

see the THING about goodsir and stanley is that goodsir may be way less inclined to act cruelly but he has a far greater capacity for it.

[baejax-the-great]

My brother died very suddenly yesterday.

He was the kind of person who always had dozens and dozens of friends everywhere he went because he was easy to talk to and funny and treated people with respect, and his friends ranged in class, race, age, social ability, introversion and extroversion--no matter who you were, he could and would befriend you.

He would scold me for not asking him for help when I needed it, and he would mean it. He taught me to tip well. He loved helping people. He played practical jokes on the new kids at work, including getting one guy to "chop flour" because the flour they had in the kitchen was "too coarse."

He introduced me to some of the best food I've ever eaten in my life. He would always help with a recipe that wasn't working. He would tell me what to buy my foodie friends for their birthdays, and he never got it wrong. He loved meat and whiskey but also wine and fruit and he got me to eat beets even because he knew how to make anything good.

Mostly, he thought that people were all deserving of respect and decency. He was outspoken on this. For all that his friends ranged across demographics, he didn't tolerate anyone being hateful around him. But even then, he was nice about it. He would try to get people to come around to his side. He saw the good in people.

And he was happy. He had finally quit chewing tobacco and managed to stay off it for three years. He had a girlfriend he really liked. The pandemic had put him out of work for over a year, but he was back at his job and doing well and he liked it. He was good at it. And it's complete bullshit that he's gone.

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[snekdood]

There are genuinely people online that instead of actually bringing people to the left, at this point, would prefer that anyone who was previously not on the left but who tries to be *stays* outside of the left, because i guess its just easier to comprehend when the world is put into little shitty boxes you labeled for them instead of actually thinking for once and having the nuance to understand them. Like thats wild to me that theres people who would prefer you not be on the left or not try to be. Yall GENUINELY do not care about advocating for your side politically in any capacity. Its LITERALLY just a clique you've found yourself in. And theres nothing progressive about that or being exclusive, wtf do you think this shit is, a night club? Grow the fuck up, honestly.

[waspgrave]

it's the dragon age autism at work but i'm disliking playing the crows literally just because I think they should be shitty bc when you think about it, they are still kind of shitty. When i saw they were going to be a faction in this game i thought 'ohhh hell yeah that's the Stinker Faction' but they're like, good guys....i wanted them to suck :(

I can at least kind of understand why the Lords of Fortune are good guy pirates thanks to Isabela's antics in kirkwall but even then just knowing there was potential for morally gray factions is chipping away 1hp from my healthbar every time i think about it

[thedreadvampy]

sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'

[brucie-baby]

"if i loved you less, i might be able to talk about it more" is so fucking bruce it's unreal. the way he always knows what to say as succinctly as he can but the second emotions are involved, coherency is nowhere to be found. he says, "Bad form, we're going over that until you get it right," and he means, "I cannot bear to see you hurt and I need to protect you in the only way I know how; I love you." he says, "Take Robin with you," and he means, "I trust you with something far more important than my life; I love you." he says, "If you want to stay, I won't stop you," and he means "Stay with me, stay with me, stay with me; I love you, I love you, I love you."

[loving-jack-kelly]

something something jack and davey both thinking they were acts of service love language types because they were both so deeply insecure in themselves that they needed to feel useful to feel loved. and something something both of them finding for the first time with each other that they don't need to provide utility to be loved. and something something this spilling out into the rest of their lives as they make each other better and push each other to grow.

[rufuslupislupis]

Absolutely loving this. K, my beloved <3 Absolutely nobody asked you to take on personal responsibility for this fully grown man. Absolutely nobody asked you to take on personal responsibility for the whole world.

King (gn), this is not healthy. That is not how people work. Maybe practice talking with a real person again for five minutes before engaging in Level 15 social interaction. This is not good for anyone, least of all the people you care about, and especially you.

K, beloved <3 <33 You are being a hypocrite. If you understand it sucks to watch people destroy themselves, why are you inflicting it on Sam? Is it different when you happen to have some great purpose, like it doesn’t count if you’re hurting yourself to work harder? Or is it just that Rules for Other People and Rules for K are different? Sit down for a solid half an hour, eat some food, drink some water, and maybe Actually dream small. Focusing in is great and all but this is not actually about your focus, its about the fact you are a blazing fire when you need to be a steady hearth, and honey you are burning QUICK. Dream small. Focus in. Small, achievable goals that you keep working hard on. Like everything else in life.

It is deeply admirable to want to help but it is not deeply admirable to use that as a reason why you get to neglect yourself. Unstable, hungry, tired people make risky decisions that Kill Their Ex Boyfriend, K. Being hurt does not make you noble, it makes it harder to be around you in the exact way you yourself argued with Evan about.

When did K last shower? When did K last sleep or eat? K’s reaction to going outside and realizing 4 days had passed was to immediately go “Good >:)” and hey, hey, K what the actual fuck. I don’t think K knows when K last had 3 meals a day and that concerns me greatly. K, you’re not an action hero, you are like Twenty and Very Not Okay.

[0809sysblings]

maybe this will get rocks thrown at me but i kinda hate when people call the 18+ prisoners "grown adults" as insults and ways to like... shut down any sympathy with them. how because they are "grown adults", they "should have known better". this has just always bothered me. i see it and i have to sit and stare at the wall for 10 minutes.

like. idk. being an adult does not automatically give you skills like Emotional Regulation, Impulse Control, Ability To Learn From Consequences, Ability To Plan For The Future, Critical Thinking, Interpersonal Skills, etc etc. you have to be Taught these things no matter how old you are. if you are not taught these things, and you are not supported in an environment that helps you further develop these things... you just. Aren't gonna be able to do them well.

adults just, typically, have accumulated enough experiences in life to have been able to learn these things. but not every adult has had that privilege. or some adults have had to just shut off the parts of their brain that would allow them to learn these things to be able to function at a basic level.

[hajihiko]

One of my VERY favourite ideas is when like. Family is supposed to look out for you, in theory, but they don't. And you just get used to that, you look out for yourself, etc. But then you meet the people who have no obligation to look out for you, but consistently choose to, and they pick up the slack you didn't realize was there. And it's just obvious to them. Of course I'd do that, in what world would I not?

[curiouslyodd]

This is just open contempt. They know exactly how much this looks like it's out of a bleak, unsubtle satire, and I have no doubt that they think it's hilarious. All while further kneecapping the poor by raising the bus fare cap for no good reason, and attacking people on disability benefits.

Genuinely: either this is sincerely meant to boost popular support (in which case it's ridiculously patronising and out-of-touch), or it's meant as an insult. Maybe it's both. Another soundbite for the media to bandy about for the people of this country who have been kept blinkered and ill-educated about the state of our politics, while thumbing their nose at the people who want legitimate change.

But I really don't think that the vast majority of UK citizens are thick enough to swallow this. I won't sing our praises too highly - god knows there are plenty of gullible, hate-driven people in this country - but this is taking it too far.

[incesthemes]

my hot fandom take is that discouraging authentic interaction with fanworks through arbitrary "rules" and increasingly limited and prescriptive scripts of "acceptable" interactions damages fandom as a community perhaps just as much as passive, entitled consumers who demand free labor from fan creators without offering interaction in return