#it sucks even more when you have like 0 social skills and your friends are assholes

[idyllicsam]

nah because why is it that whenever my mental health actually improves some idiot in my life has to go ahead and ruin it.

[bogkeep]

i remember the shift, when i went from being "some random kid online who likes to draw" to "popular fanartist within a small community". it was on the fan forum for a webcomic nearly a decade ago. i had been posting my art on tumblr for a couple years already, usually getting between 0 and 15 notes on each, with a couple exceptions here and there. as you can probably imagine, being an awkward queer and autistic teen had never made me feel particularly popular before. i wasn't really lonely, personally, though many of my peers are and were, but the idea of many people actively wanting to be my friend and thinking i was genuinely cool - that was incredibly novel.

i have always loved getting attention for my work and find people interested in what i have to say. like, who doesn't? it was a very fulfilling and inspiring experience when it started happening to me on a regular basis, to the point where i could expect it. i went from being constantly apologetic about how annoying i imagined myself to be to others, to feeling confident that at least some people were excited to have me around. absolutely revolutionary to realize that people weren't just pretending to like me, they liked me for realsies, and that putting myself out there and being sincere and genuine in my enthusiasm and interest was actually a positive trait many people valued. wild!!!!!!!!

when you come from a place like that, of course you try to be everyone's friend. that's the scarcity mindset. you have to hold on to every friendship ever offered to you because it's such a rare and precious thing and you don't know when or even if it might happen again. but if you get Popular, well, at some point you learn that you can only nurture so many friendships at once, and that you can't click with everyone. like, it only makes sense. but it sucks!! learning the necessity of rejecting people and letting them down is a harrowing journey, but one that must be made.

there's many deeply lonely people out there, especially online, a space of Connection. connections to other people are so good and necessary and being lonely is an awful thing to be. this means there's a lot of people who can't even imagine not wanting more friends, let alone not be constantly looking for some. it's always a bit of a tragedy when a Very Lonely Person tries to attach themselves to someone Socially Overencumbered, as that's highly unlikely to end satisfyingly for anyone involved.

anyway, i think capital f Fame is like that, but times a hundred thousand. it's deeply fascinating to me how Fame is treated as this deeply aspirational state when it's proven again and again to be a cruel and abusive mistress. like, i understand - don't we all want some attention, some validation, for someone to recognise us on the street with stars in their eyes, like OH you're the COOL PERSON who did the COOL THING and i want nothing more than a HUG and a SELFIE and also i made you this HAND MADE GIFT and PAINTED A PORTRAIT OF YOU... that's the dream, isn't it!! to be recognized for your skill, to be admired, desired! THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE WANTS, ISN'T IT.

but it isn't.

there's a limit to everything. there's a whole spectrum of Getting Attention and Validation between "literally everybody ignores you and everything you do" and "paparazzi follow you everywhere you go" - and i can promise that you can find a lot of fulfilment and joy on the lower end of that scale. it's difficult to explain sometimes, especially to people who get No Attention - it's like telling someone who is starving that the most expensive restaurant in town isn't really worth the hassle, a good affordable sandwich will make you so much happier, trust me. like maybe it's just personal preference and what i can personally tolerate! but i had merely a whiff, a crumb of what they serve at that place, and it's Not That Good. easy for me to say huh!!!!

i'm basically a nobody on the wider web, but i've still had my fair share of unpleasant stranger interactions both of the rude and overly familiar variations. i've been treated as a commodity rather than a person. i've been put on a pedestal and dragged through the mud by the same people. it kinda sucks!! and i don't want to tell people that they should never ever put themselves and their art out there because people might be cruel, because that shouldn't be the expectation! yet for some reason, it is!!!! people experiencing Fame have to deal with all kinds of inhumanely horrible things literally no human person is equipped to experience. many people say that's the price people pay for fame, but that's said by people who haven't experienced even a Fraction of the stochastic terrorism an Audience can do to you if they choose. not all attention is good attention.

i know none of this is a fresh new hot take. i know we all know stalking is unethical and traumatic. but i am still so fascinated by the divide between people who don't understand why anyone would reject any form of adoration and those who have to work very, very hard to keep their boundaries intact.

[maaarshieee]

U know how todoroki is popular in ua?

What about chubby reader who has a crush on him, but thinks that she doesn’t have any change bc what she looks like?

I just think shoto wouldn’t even understand that some people care about how they look. He would just be like ”why wouldn’t i like you..?” SO CUTE😭

➢ Sʜᴏᴛᴏ Tᴏᴅᴏʀᴏᴋɪ x F!Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

➢ 3,186 Wᴏʀᴅs

➢ Hᴜʀᴛ/ᴄᴏᴍғᴏʀᴛ

➢ Mᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

There were so many words that he could describe you with on top of his head, so he doesn't understand why would you assume he won't like you.

➵ Sᴛᴜɴɴɪɴɢ

cw: self deprecation, traumatic references, social anxiety references ⚠ just so you know, readers, you're beautiful no matter what you look! this is straight from my own insecurities and experiences!

No matter how much you reason with yourself, you can't help but feel everyone is looking at you, judging your every movement, and whispering behind your back.

You know that's not true, after all, Class 1-A has one of the nicest students you've ever met. The girls were nothing but accepting, and even Kaminari was shamelessly hitting on you from time to time. But insecurities won't just fade away just because you had a sudden change of environment, the damage has been done and the wound has been open ever since you could remember.

Your 'friends' always made jokes about your appearance and weight, which you'd always brush off with a laugh. They're just joking, right? No need to overreact. The last time you did, you ruined the mood, so you learned to keep your mouth shut and suck it up. No boy has even thought of giving any sort of interest towards you and chose prettier, slimmer girls.

You felt so ashamed of your body that you can't even stand being outside for too long. The suffocating, heavy pressure in your chest makes it hard to breathe as you always try to walk home as fast as you could. You always had your head down, trying to hide your round cheeks with your hands, or with the hood of your jacket. You always had your arms crossed to hide your big chest or your stomach. Even then, you still feel eyes on you. It's sickening.

So why do you even think you had a chance with Shoto Todoroki?

The thought of it makes you want to laugh at yourself. You've had crushes before, but the difference between those crushes and Shoto? Well, maybe you're foolish enough to actually fall in love. You weren't sure if that was the case, but these feelings were much stronger than what you previously had with other boys.

It merely started as a distant admiration.

Silently staring at him in awe, adoring his heterochromia eyes, his scar, the shape of his face, his hair, his quirk, and much more. It was as simple as that, an infatuation with the cold, quiet, and mysterious boy. I mean, who wouldn't? Girls like you would probably be drooling at his handsomeness. It made you feel silly about how basic you are. You really hoped it was just infatuation because that would be easier to deal with.

Now, why would you fall in love with Shoto in the first place? Well, it all pretty much happened after the Sports Festival. The boy grew more sociable, thanks to Midoriya. He tries to talk, but he was still awfully closed off. So you weren't sure why you were an exception. The day when you decided to beat Midoriya on inviting Shoto to your shared table was when Shoto decided to become close to you. Why? You had no idea.

Besides Midoriya, he often talked to you, maybe even more than anyone else. You'd invite him outside once and a while, and he'd surprisingly agree, showing up rather than leaving you in the dust. Which really made your heart want to explode. He's the first crush you had that interacted with you, and your emotions were a huge mess. You watched him grow, slowly getting used to conversations and often helping him with things he doesn't understand. The poor boy has 0 social skills, and you're more than happy to help him.

Which led to you falling stupidly hard for him. How? Shoto, underneath his aloof personality, was very kind. He offered to help with your homework, and to study with him, even with his struggle with socializing, he was being such a gentleman subconsciously to you, and overall someone nice to be with. He listened to your rambles without complaints and learned how to help you with your anxious habits.

In a crowded area, he always puts a hand on your shoulder and leads you somewhere more secluded. When you're delving deep inside your dark thoughts, he won't hesitate to call your name and rub your back to comfort you. The first time he did all this made you even more panicked, and his efforts in trying to be nicer to you backfired badly. It honestly makes your stomach do flips whenever he does something like this, it driving you insane. When you asked him when did he even learn all this, he gave you a straightforward answer.

"I asked Midoriya."

Eh, why?

"Because I notice you act not like yourself sometimes, and it's always in specific places. Midoriya has known you for a while, so I asked him. He told me you get anxious."

You blinked, astonished. Heat rose from your neck and onto your cheeks, growing hotter the more he spoke. Is... Is that so?

"I don't really understand why, Midoriya said it was a private matter to you, but I still wanted to help you in any way possible, so I asked for his advice as well."

You couldn't sleep that night. So many questions ran through your mind, trying to find a reason why he would go that far for you. You didn't want to jump to conclusions, but maybe he likes you too...? You wanted to slap yourself at that thought, face up in flames as you rolled onto your stomach, face planted on your pillow as it muffled your screams whilst you kicked your legs on your bed.

It's impossible for him to like you, not when you look like this. Maybe he just wanted to be friends with you, and maybe you're one of the easiest ones to befriend with! Yeah, that's only the possible reason why he's been so kind to you.

One thing you're sure of though, is that you're head over heels for him. You were so sure of it, and the fact that you've never experienced such a thing terrifies you. Gently, you began to hit your head. "Stupid stupid..." You muttered, rubbing your nose as you sniffled. "Why now...? Why him..?"

Did Shoto do something wrong?

Ever since he admitted to asking Midoriya how to help you in ways he could, you've been spending less time with him and more keen on hanging out with the girls. He's not against it, he's happy that you're trying to connect with the girls in your class, but the fact that you haven't spoken to him the whole day, or avoided eye contact with him bothered him a lot.

Was it the wrong thing to say? He wondered, a frown tugging on his lips. It was difficult to focus on his classes the whole day as he tried to think of why you were distancing yourself from him. You didn't entirely ignore him though, much to his relief. You gave him a smile here and there, but it wavered and he could see you picking on your nails, as much as you tried to hide it. Anxious. You're anxious around him. He could see it in the way you act, respond to him, and in your eyes.

The whole class noticed it. Usually, the two of you were always together, chatting, studying, or snacking. It deeply worried them that something happened between the two friends.

He asked Midoriya, Iida, Ochako, and Asui, but all of them were unaware. Midoriya was a friend of yours since childhood, yet he doesn't know why you're only avoiding Shoto. One thing he was sure of is that it probably wasn't Shoto that was bothering you, perhaps it was something more personal.

It was the most logical reason, based on how much Midoriya knows you. He trusts him. Shoto couldn't think of anything that he could've done that would upset you, neither can Midoriya since whenever you have a problem, you'd talk about it.

He deeply respects your decision to keep your problems to yourself, since he does it as well, but why did you have to avoid him? It wasn't a great feeling at all. It was like his heart was being squeezed into smithereens.

As much as he wants to respect your privacy, he can't stand being avoided by you. To be treated like a stranger after all the fun memories you've shared, all the laughs, pointless conversations, worries, and pains... He can't let it all disappear just like that. Shoto won't allow you to sever the connection you've built with each other unless you tell him why.

"L/n,"

He called for you just as you were about to go your usual route back to your home. You stopped in your tracks furrowing your brows as you turned your head at the source of the sound. Your made felt dry when you realized who it was, letting out a small squeak. You turned your head, your back facing him, focusing on the road instead. "Y-yes?" You managed, swallowing the lump in your throat.

Shoto felt his hands shake, unsure whether to press on. It was clear you're very uncomfortable with what's happening right now, eager to go home. Shoto didn't like that at all, a heavy feeling settling on his shoulders as he felt his heart pounding in his chest. He wondered if the anxiety you felt was much worse.

He steeled himself, walking in front of you and forcing you to face him, and yet you simply just stared at your shoes, biting your lower lip. "Why are you avoiding me?" He asked, straightforward as always. You bit your bottom lip harder, the pain distracting you enough to ignore Shoto's question, kicking your feet on the ground.

Shoto gulped, his expression growing much more solemn, shoulders drooping. He could practically hear his heartbeat in his ears as he clenched his hands into fists. Maybe he did hurt you somehow.

"Did..." His voice cracked, averting his gaze from you. That caught your attention, glancing up at him. "Did I do something wrong...?" His eyes fell onto you once more, watching your dismissive expression morph into horror.

Wahhh! You didn't expect that at all! This is all my fault, if only I could've just played it cool! You internally berated yourself, waving your hands nervously in front of you, a habit you picked up from your green-haired friend. "W-what!? No!" You sputtered out, shaking your head. "You never did a-anything wrong to me!"

Shoto perked up at that, letting out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. He was so relieved. He felt the crushing weight on his shoulders had been lifted, and his heart finally calmed down. So it wasn't him that was bothering you? He grew more concerned for you, taking a step forward. "Then why are you avoiding me?"

You felt your face turn red, the sudden heat making sweat form on your forehead as your buried your face into your hands. No no no!! You didn't want to tell him so soon, what excuse are you able to give him? Anything that popped in your mind didn't make sense at all. You wanted to scream, the heat rising even more when you heard Shoto take another step towards you.

You stepped back, shaking your head vigorously as you struggled to speak to him. "I-it's not you- I'm the p-problem... I'm so s-sorry for avoiding you, T-Todoroki-kun!!" You bowed to him, sliding your hands off your face and clutching the fabric of your uniform instead. "It's nothing of your worries...."

"Y/n," Shoto called out your name once more, but his voice was more gentle than before. He got closer to you, hesitating, but ultimately decided to put a comforting hand on your shoulder. You flinched, but you thankfully didn't pull away. "You can tell me... I may not be the most reliable person, but as your friend, I want to help you." Those words left a bitter aftertaste in his mouth. It was the truth, he wanted to help you, yet being 'friends' seemed like an idea he disliked. Did he want something more?

You didn't know what came over you. Maybe your overflowing glass of emotions was at its point where it's bound to break and spill the water everywhere. You sniffled, tears gathering in your eyes as you mentally prepared yourself. You weren't going to confess anytime soon, you opted to just force yourself to forget about these bothersome feelings towards him, but fate wanted to toy with you a bit more.

You took in a deep breath, clutching the fabric of your uniform. "I like you..." You finally relented, hugging yourself and avoiding his gaze. Tears emerged in your eyes as you shakily breathed in and out. Shoto hesitated, unsure if that was all.

"I... Like you too?" He said, uncertain about what he should say. "I thought that should be a given since we're friends." You had to stop yourself from bursting out in laughter, lips quivering as your shoulders slightly shook. A tear slipped as you let out a small snort. Now, Shoto was at a loss on what to say.

"N-no, Shoto..." You gulped, sheepishly rubbing the back of your neck. Maybe you should've taught him how to recognize romantic feelings... "I like you... More than a friend..."

"...Best friend?" He tilted his head to the side. You wanted to explode there and then.

"N-no!" You yelled, beginning to feel exasperated. "More than that!" You hoped that he'd finally realize what you're talking about, hugging yourself tighter.

Shoto was silent for a moment, thinking. Realization hit him, remembering what you said about relationships. More than friends... That means... "Oh." That was all he said.

Your soul left your body. Unbelievable!! You're here, crying your heart out right in front of him, confessing your love to him and that's all he says!? You wanted to scream.

"If you like me, why were you avoiding me then?" He suddenly asked, brows furrowed in confusion. Your eye twitched at the fact he just skimmed at your confession, but it was to be expected... It was understandable for him to ask this question though. After all, if you like someone, you'd want to get closer, right?

"Because I know I don't have a chance..." You admitted, sighing deeply as you returned to hugging yourself, looking down. You just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry even more. "You won't like me when there are girls like Yaomomo..." She's prettier, slimmer, smarter, and richer than me! You dared not to add that...

Shoto went closer to you, now arms-length away. He took out his handkerchief from his pocket, wiping your tears away with delicate hands. Your breath hitched, heat rising back to your cheeks as you made eye contact once again.

"Why wouldn't I like you?" He said, staring at you with such fondness. You blinked at him, dumbfounded.

"H-huh?"

"Why wouldn't I like you?" He repeated, "You're absolutely stunning." You froze, staring back at him with wide eyes filled with disbelief. Eh? Your mouth felt dry. Eh? EH!? This can't be happening. This. Cannot. Be. Happening. Shoto, bless his heart, didn't sense your inner turmoil and instead, took your silence as a sign to continue.

"I mean... What's there not to like about you?" He admitted a faint color of pink dusted his cheeks, his turn to be flustered. "I thought you were pretty," Shoto added as he ran his fingertips down your tear-stained cheek, then gently cupped it. "And I still do. I'm glad that you... reciprocate these feelings..." Your heart stuttered at how gentle he's being with you, voice soft. He continued to wipe that continuously poured down your cheeks without complaints as he awaited your response.

You knew he was straightforward, but this was all too much to handle. You wanted to melt into the tenderness and warmth of his hands, but you couldn't, your doubts eating you up. Is this boy blind!?

"A-are you sure?" You blurted out, your hand finding itself onto his', cradling his hand as you leaned against his touch, your voice shaky. "You're rather observant, Todoroki-kun... You know I don't look as good as other girls..." You gulped, one hand gripping your blazer so hard that your knuckles turned white. "I'm big, a-and just... Unappealing."

Your words went from one ear to another, more bothered at the fact you didn't use his given name. He let out a small huff, the hand cupping your cheek trailing down to your shoulders and onto your waist, pulling you into his arms. You let out a surprised yelp, not used to his sudden boldness.

"What are you talking about?" He queried, wrapping his arms around you, placing his chin on top of your head comfortably. "I like you just the way you are, Y/n." You hiccupped, hands shaking as he continued to speak, rubbing your back. "I don't understand you feel this way... But I'd love to listen to what you have to say, and I'll gladly help you... Whether on changing yourself, or accepting what you look like.

"Because I like you for you."

You choked out a sob, burying your face in his chest and wrapping your arms around his torso, finally hugging him back. Your cries were muffled against him, feeling guilty for wetting his uniform, but Shoto didn't seem to mind, as he continued to stroke your hair and comfort you. You felt so relieved, so elated that Shoto Todoroki likes you back. If you were dreaming, then you don't want to wake up anytime soon.

But it felt so real, so it had to be. You sniffled, muttering a muffled "I like you too," At him, making a small smile emerged from his lips. Insecurities were hard to deal with, he knew how you felt somehow, with the scar on his face. He may not understand why you talk about your body as if it was disgusting, but he won't deny your feelings about it. He will make sure you'll learn to love and accept yourself, he'll be there by your side. After all, he's learned to feel more accepting towards his scar, despite the bad memories it held.

With you, the burns the felt on his scar faded.

"I prefer you to call me Shoto, please..." He said, wiping away your tears again once you pulled away. You shot him a questioning gaze but nodded nevertheless. Shoto flushed once more, turning his head away from you. "I just... like how you say it..."

You let a giggle slip past your lips, feeling your cheeks heat up again. "Call me Y/n then..."

The next day was a little awkward. You were a nervous wreck and your face was always red to the point you had to be sent to the infirmary, while Shoto had this dreamy look on his face the whole day. The class had a suspicion about what happened yesterday, but nevertheless, they were happy you're interacting again.

How lucky you truly are.

✦ THIS IS SO CUTE AHDGSAHDA,, omg chubby reader~?? i so understand how that feels so,, may have projected in this HAHAAGDH,, i hope you like this anon~ if ever you feel insecure of your body, just know you’re absolutely stunning no matter what people say~! self love, people !! I hope this is okay anon, I may have gotten too far on uh, the trauma part... sorry for projecting ALSO WHOOPS FUCKED UP THE REQUEST BU NOT READING YOUR ASK

So uh, BNHA will remain themeless rn,, making KNY themes was a lot so let me take a break on that first 😭

Bestie you have no idea how much i wanted to abandon this after Tumblr did me dirty and whitescreened my ass for no reason leading to me losing like, 40% of the fic tht was EXTEREMELY important........

[maskved]

hello, besties ! this is ami (she/her) and i’m probably late with this intro ! first i’m sorry for mass-liking every post but i’m already in love with all your lovely muses. also i must confess that i’ve only read the first book ( years ago ) and watched the show because i have an attention span of - 10 seconds.  but at least i’m a soc hoe, so we can scream about that ... please ... !!! so if i get anything wrong pls let me know or you can also not let me know and i’ll continue being embarrassing 😔. anyway, if you are interested in some juicy plotting pls LIKE this post or message me ( if you want to plot on discord we can also do that 💖). I’M EXCITED.

PINTEREST  . discor*d     six of hoes🔪#7888  //  YEVA

[ viktoriya zobova ], an [ twenty six ] year old grisha in the little palace. she is  a [ tailor ] and are known in the little palace as the [ viscerotonic ]. they are known to be [ resilient ] and [ elusive ] and vaguely resemble [ kristine froseth ]. 

death tw

- viktoriya zobova ( however, prefers to be called vika because every time one calls her by her full name she might as well be in trouble ) had never been more than average. born to average parents ( although grisha their powers pale compared to others ) into an average family and of course as the middle child, vika strived for more than simply being overlooked.

- truth to be told, she dreaded to be tested. to her it seemed like the final reminder that she was nothing special, average, merely an extra to someone other’s story. she even wished, she wouldn’t be a grisha, fearing that like her parents she’d belong to the lower ranks. however, if she turned out to be a simple human without any power, at least she’d be special within her family or could even try to make a story up that she was adopted or something ( i hate her -- ).

- however, the moment she found out about being able to alter people’s appearances with her ability *atla vc* everything changed - 

- truth to be told she knew she was considered to be lower rank among others but what really fueled her arrogance and the sudden feeling of self importance was her knowing that she possessed a rare ability. she didn’t care others treating her badly for her rank because “hey i can alter appearances and that is lit ( she probably didn’t say it that way - )

- ALSO ( here comes the moment i throw in my found family trope bcs i’m a soc hoe and this actually plays a big role in her story ) she’d found comfort in the friends she met.

- (lemme add my childhood friends trope bcs why not ) as vika was never close to her parents ( to be fair her being taken away for the training at such a young age did not really gave her the time to really bond with her family ) her little group of friends became her second family. they called themselves “blood is thicker water” ( gang ???) bcs 1) vika really thought the saying was blood is thicker water and not blood is thicker than water 2) they thought they were incredibly funny.

- they were pretty much known as troublemakers, especially with vika being a tailor it was easy to sometimes shift the blame on others. truth to be told, it only caused vika to be more frivolous. all the fun they had blinded her judgment and she viewed her ability as harmless.

- well, lets say vika becoming more reckless did not end up being the best character development (lmao). as usual , everything started out as a harmless joke. her friend asked her to change his appearance. however, this time they wanted her to change their whole face. not just the colour of their hair or eyes. vika was reluctant at first, she’d never done it before but in the end she agreed to it and much to her surprise she succeeded. she even bragged about it and told her friends ( of the bloody “blood is thicker water” gang (???) ) .

-  to cut a long story short, their friend ended up dying because of it. i have two versions for their death ( i haven’t decided on it yet *clown emoji*)

1) the person they changed their appearance into apparantly was involed in some shady stuff and had some pretty morally questionable people around him. they thought vika’s friends was that person they were looking for (bcs of the changed appearance) and killed them for some reason.

2) vika’s friend was supposed to be part of some mission they didn’t want to go to, thus changed their appearance to escape from it. however, ended up having to do another mission and ended up being killed. 

RIP nameless but vital character to vika’s bio 

- vika pretty much blamed herself for it and maybe her friends of their friend group as well. this incident also ‘humbled’ vika and now instead of being proud of it she hates it.

- right now, she doesn’t really know what to do with her future. she has this ‘oh so grand’ plan that one day she might be able to change her appearance (permanently) and then leave the little palace and live under a new name and lead a life where she wouldn’t need to use her abilities anymore.

personality ( i’m trying to keep it short i swear, i’m just adding a bunch of sentence here bcs i’m throwing all my ideas into this paragraph)

- she’s known to be pretty social. she loves to talk and honestly doesn’t know when to shut up. she can’t deal with silence because it forces her to think about things she doesn’t want to think about. although, her tongue is sharp and trouble seems to follow her, she also loves to dance around the issue, pushing her feelings away and replacing it with a witty joke instead. as if everyone does it the same way, as if everyone is supposed to understand. 

headcanons

- although she was tempted to change her own appearance many times. she never did because she is a coward and doesn’t trust her skills as much others might think she does.

- she views her ability as a form of art, perhaps that is also the reason she used to love to paint. honestly, she was never really good at it. average and above average with practice. her friend ( the dead one lmao ) used to paint with her whenever they could sneak away but with them gone, she doesn’t see a point in it anymore.

- she secretly envies the other grisha’s who can use their ability to fight. recently, she’d find herself trying to practice some punches so she doesn’t feel that useless in case of a dangerous situation. she also sucks at that so she’s probably in need of a training patner aka someone who is willing to train her or she has annoyed that much that they were willing to help her out ( wc ???)

- being personally trained by the darkling, one might assume that she’s loyal or even thankful towards the darkling. however, contrary is the case and she wouldn’t even grant him a dust particle of her trust. she doesn’t believe that he has the best interest of anyone in his heart and if she could, she’d probably spread rumors about him and telling others that he has some serious case of stanky breath.

wanted connections ( just some ideas, which can be changed ofc ! or some wcs can be connected ) 

(0/3) “blood is thicker water” friend group  : they pretty much grew up together. the death of their friend ( the friend needs a name - i swear...) caused tension within the group. while, one might have blamed vika for their death the other doesn’t and just wants them to be how they used to be. nevertheless, no one can deny that nothing was what it used to be). (( honestly these are just some ideas and we can plot wtv sddm )

training partner ( can be more than one ): connection mentioned in the hcs ! they help her a little out to become physically fit and level up her combat skills of -10. maybe they want something in return for it. help her out bcs they’re just nice or bcs vika annoyed the heck out of them etc.

person vika changed their friend’s appearance into: honestly we can do wtv with it. i just thought it’d be fun to play with the idea and having the person running around when they actually “died” and everyone belieed them to be dead until they found out that it was vika’s friend. might be angsty bcs it might remind vika of their friend.

angsty exes: listen, i love some angsty shit and i love to blame vika for all the problems. they might have dated before the whole dead friend fiasco happened. although, viktoriya acted as if she was fine after the incident ( which she wasn’t ),it only made muse a realize that vika and them weren’t as close as they believed and how much vika tied to hide from them.  BUT tbh anything would work i love a good angsty ex connection djddnd

random idea but i just liked the thought that this person once went to vika for some enhancing stuff. however, this day vika was not really herself, distracted, head in the clouds. so she accidenally might have gotten rid of some important scar or something.

enemies : lbr, vika might prbly be the type who has some enemies. she has no filter and might has stepped on someone toes because of it. (Also maybe gimme some enemies to lovers trope , adding this here quietly to not expose myself as a hoe for that trope )

HONESTLY GIVE ME EVERYTHING, gimme angst, fluff, tropes !!??? more friends, unusual friends, shippy stuff, platonic stuff, family connections djdsd GIMME 

[a-libra-writes]

who do you think would prefer an s/o who’s charming, more of a people person, using their words to get what they want vs an s/o who’s more quiet, strategic, and plans and schemes to get what they want? is it a case of opposites attract, or would they want someone to compliment them? 👀

.......so i ended up having a lot of thoughts about this LOL 

okay so i think this depends on the s/o’s morals! like you can be scheming to help others instead of hurting them. so let’s go with that bc i dont wanna brainstorm a low ethics/morality s/o (this makes me think of 7KPP, a fantastic visual novel that’s the only decent Court Drama Simulator vn i’ve come across). Also there’s a loooot of characters so imma just list the ones I have Strong Thoughts on and sort them by region oh lord what have you done my dork is showing

Northbois

So while I feel like Robb and Ned would prefer a more outgoing and charming sort of person ... I really can’t help but ship them with someone whose more cunning and can actually play the game of thrones. Like lord someone help these Starks because their intrigue score is 0 and they need someone protecting them from Tywin, Roose and Walder LOL. I can really see both father and son thinking their s/o is this sweet thing and not having a clue of how much scheming they’re actually doing to protect Winterfell... Ned would probs catch on after a while but Robb would just be blinded by love and devotion haha. 

Sansa would probs want the first ideally, but as she gets older she’d greatly appreciate someone who has that sort of cunning and uses it for good purposes. Also she’d like a calm and steady personality to rely on.

Jory is a straight up honest guy to a fault, kinda like Ned, so he’d also prefer the first type of person and appreciate them more.

OKAY SO you’d think Roose would go for the second type but HEAR ME OUT. I think he’d go for both equally, or a mix of the two. Listen. I have a strong HC that he would be very attracted to someone who is his opposite in many ways - outgoing, charming, sweet and kind. If that person also happens to be cunning as hell and willing to manipulate anyone - even him - to protect what’s their’s, oof. He’s gone. I think he’d really get off on the idea of having an s/o who everyone is shocked he’s involved with bc “omg they’re sooo nice” and only he really knows their “other side”, so to speak. Realtalk I don’t think he’d go for someone just as morally awful as him bc he’d see them more as a threat than a potential partner.

Ramsay is a little shit that would also be attracted to the first kind of person but honestly needs the second type to keep his ass in line. That’s the sort of person who would figure him out and manipulate him accordingly so he isn’t skinning the goddamn neighbors. Also he wouldn’t give a damn about their morals so go off i guess just dont start any revolts in the north

VERY Northbois

Jon really doesn’t care for schemes, even if he acknowledges they’re useful, and he’d be attracted to someone who knows just what to say and is charismatic bc lord knows he’s struggled w that for a bit.  Benjen really loves outgoing, charming and talkative peeps esp when they wiggle their way out of stuff or convince the upper command of the Watch to consider a different plan. He’ll be soooo attracted to that. Edd is kinda meh on both I’d feel? Like he’d prefer a quieter person but not a scheming sort, that’s too troublesome to deal with. I think he could come around to the first one eventually.

Mance super respects the second type, he finds it very attractive actually, especially when they start manipulating him into something and he catches them. Tormund is a dork and prefers outgoing people, totally doesn’t notice when he’s being taken in lol. He rlly hates the second sort of person, sees them as snakes.

Southbois

Edmure would absolutely be drawn to a gregarious and outgoing person! And if they can talk their way into or out of things thank god bc fishboy has a habit of putting his foot in his mouth. I really don’t think it’d work out with a schemer person bc of that Tully honor, and unlike Ned or Robb, Edmure would start to catch on (I don’t buy into the show characterization of Edmure like frack that he’s not an idiot). Brynden has a lot of experience and has seen a lot of BS, so he’d understand the risks and sacrifices his s/o would be making when they’re playing the game, and he’d really wish they wouldn’t!! Like yeah it’s to protect their family and friends but he wishes they didn’t have to do that. He wants to protect them on his own.

Brienne REALLY prefers someone whose honest and can talk their way in and out of things!! Like the Starks she’s very honorable and has no patience for lies and manipulating even if it’s for something good. It’d take a lot for her to trust and be attracted to that kind of person, they’d have to like... be very honest with her about what their plans are and why they’re doing them. 

Kingslanding bois

oh lord Stannis okay so INITIALLY he’d be put off by both personalities for diff reasons - outgoing because socializing and diplomacy is something he just sucks at and the second one because holy hell he hates dishonesty and scheming. Now, he can admire a strategic and collected mind, but as soon as dishonorable plots roll in he starts side-eyeing. I think it would take some time for that latter personality to gain his trust, and if this is like... his wife we’re talking about, she’d probs have to scheme behind his back, even if it’s for his own sake. For an outgoing person, he could eventually befriend or fall for them once some common ground is found. He wouldn’t be able to admit how much he admires their people skills haha.

Davos understands that sometimes manipulating and scheming is needed and can be used for good, but personally he prefers a more diplomatic, out in the open approach. So the first type is def his kinda person. He could still befriend the second type as long as they’re not assholes, though.

Tywin would honestly work with both sides of the spectrum and in between, but ultimately, you’d have to understand who you’re dealing with. There’s no honor or high ground being involved with Tywin Lannister, and the s/o should expect to get dragged into his schemes, esp when he trusts them ... and that’s no easy feat. Ultimately it’s less of how you get what you want and more of ... what are you willing to do to get it. Pesky morals and all that.

Tyrion has had enough of his dad’s bullshit that he’d only be romantically involved with the first type, someone who uses sass and flattery like he does. He can still respect and befriend a more cunning person, though. Jaime also prefers the first type, he thinks it’s just because “oh I like outgoing and forward people” and not...”i’ve spent years dealing with lies and schemes from father and cersei”, yanno that old chestnut. Bronn definitely prefers gregarious and cheeky peeps, schemes go over his head and bore him.

Sandor dislikes both sorts of personalities for different reasons ... He’s offput by someone who would be very talkative and outgoing with him (like why are they talking to him wtf), and he also hates scheming and lying and all that, he’s seen too much of it. The first type has a better chance of befriending and getting close to him, the second not so much. 

Petyr very much respects and admires both but like ... you know he’d prefer someone that he thinks he can outwit and manipulate, so probably more of the first type of personality because they seem less cunning and more of “just” a people person. Given his obsessive/yandere tendencies he probably wouldn’t notice he was being taken in by someone friendly and kind. 

like okay weird thing to think about but just consider this... I really wonder what it’d be like if Robert had an s/o like the first one you mentioned. Not Cersei, certainly not his beloved Lyanna - a third party, a gracious and likeable queen that kinda makes up for his faults and she’s TRYING hard as hell. like idk if they’d ever fall in love but like idk i feel like his depression would be slightly lessened to have a partner that’s very beloved and tries to help him and put him in a good light in his subject’s minds. Am I making sense? She’s not perfect but she wants what’s best for the realm and if she’s gotta do it herself she will. IDK sorry this is a tangent, i think about major change AUs and their political consequences a lot

Heckin south n east bois

Margaery is a Big Gay and you can’t fight me on this, you will lose. She’s super attracted to the first kind of gal bc that’s def how she is herself! So she’d love to play those little word games with them. The second personality type she’d just write off as “eh quiet person” but once she got closer and began to realize their cunning and wittiness she’d def take an interest, esp if she found out about some good things they did. Then it’d be a classic “outgoing babe dating more reserved babe” and yall both would be VERY well-known in court. absolute power couple

Oberyn likes both equally! Especially if your motives are to help others and/or save your friends and family. He loves that kinda loyalty and he really admires someone who has a way with words and schemes in equal measure. Hell he does both himself. He might lean more toward an outgoing person just because that’s how he is too.

idk where to put Beric but he rlly likes the first kind of people!! He’d probs ask you to get supplies or money on the Brotherhood’s behalf, and he actually kinda likes it when he finds himself doing something you wanted cause you asked so nicely or talked him into it ..... Thoros calls him a simp and it’s true ok don’t bully he can’t help it

& lastly Essosssss

So, I think Daenerys would be a lot more drawn to the second kinda person. First of all: Very mysterious, ooh. Secondly, she’d appreciate a cool head that will tell her the truth and is willing to do more unsavory things bc they believe in her so much. Obvs she would need someone with unquestionable loyalty, and once she tests and is reassured of that loyalty, then she could start some kinda romance. She’s def attracted to someone who can get shit done that way.

Jorah is a big opposite in that he’s kinda had to do that unsavory stuff himself and is still ashamed by it, and generally doesn’t trust people like Littlefinger and Varys and Illyrio, etc so he’d prefer someone who is just genuine and talks their way out of things. Also yall know him he can’t resist once he starts liking someone like cmon

Grey Worm is absolutely in the first camp too but for diff reasons! Scheming and all that shit just makes him nervous and he distrusts it, even if it’s for Daenerys’ sake. He just wouldn’t associate with the person ... Someone more outgoing would definitely fluster him more but at least he could feel like he could trust them. Missandei can go either way - she knows the power in both diplomacy and manipulation, and would likely admire and be pulled to someone who uses both to help people. 

sorry i got so wordy and a bit repetitive lol both are like, my fav kinda character archtypes, esp for court settings.

[gear-project]

.   .   .

Spoke with one of my oldest friends recently about his “take” on Guilty Gear Strive such as it is.

Apparently he’s not interested in it, says it’s “no longer 2D sprites” which he liked.

Of course, I know him “better” than that, so the “bigger reason” is probably that he lost all motivation to play fighting games ever since I last beat him at them...

And, he’s not the only one.

I had another friend periodically “confront” me on why I still maintain my blog...

He says I should “work on my other projects/concepts more”... but, again, I know him better than that.

He’s the type who tends to play games only when it’s “in his favor”, otherwise he’ll switch games if he’s not doing well.

Then of course there’s the players whom I’ve been somewhat “avoiding” because they’re leaps and bounds ahead of me in skill level... sigh.  But, I never stopped playing... even if it was just by myself.

Then there’s players who only prefer to play on specific game consoles they have a preference for....

Look, I’m not trying to call people out on their nuances by writing about all this...

But, I feel as though something is inherently wrong with the “current mental state” of gamers these days.... like, everything is handed to us on a platter and we can just pick and choose whatever we want.

I’m not the kind of person who “gives up easily” on things I like... nor do I despair at every little thing that’s wrong or goes against expectation.

Whatever happened to hitting the “Retry/Continue” button for as long as you could?  Playing umpteen rounds at a crack, just so you could figure out what you did wrong?  And just talking about how to improve?

Whatever happened to playing something regardless of whether or not it was 2D or 3D?

Whatever happened to saving up a ton of money and buying whatever it was you wanted, and feeling proud that you managed to obtain it through sheer force of will (and cash)?

Lately it just feels like I’m not talking to actual people but unmotivated wet noodles.

I’m casual as a gamer, I’ve always admitted this, even in the face of high level players and pros I’ve spoken with.

But I’m proud of that fact, proud that I don’t take things overly seriously... proud that I can still have fun no matter what situation I’m in.

And then there’s the people who constantly opine for perfect netcode or rollback... like their entire internet social life hangs in the balance if they can’t get that flawless 0 frame delay.  Or they kick up a fuss whenever their “main” isn’t playable...

Back in the day, I used to wait in long lines just to put my quarter in the arcade machine... I hated waiting, that’s why I always set the console version to maximum rounds, just so I could PLAY MORE.

Now it feels like I have “super buff endurance” compared to normal people and people just.... get tired so easily, tired of playing, tired of losing, tired of talking, of not getting their way.  Tired of “me”?

Does that somehow make ME a “freak” of nature?  Just because I sat down and played the game a few more hours than most people?  Regardless of graphics, regardless of my skill level?  Because I had fun learning?

I never ran away... probably because my “heart” was still blazing.

It’s been “blazing” all this time... 

So when I think of Guilty Gear Strive, coming in April...

Are people even READY for it?  Mentally?  Spiritually?  Emotionally?

Instead of going limp and expecting some aspect of the game to go wrong, or expecting not to get your favorite character, or to not have the game on your ideal console or PC.... instead of ALL of that...

Would it hurt anyone to just suck it up and ADAPT to whatever happens?  And maybe JUST MAYBE appreciate what we get at face value?

I don’t know.  I don’t know what to expect.  But in reality, I have no expectations whatsoever.  If there is an expectation... it’s that I know it’s something I don’t want to miss out on.

That’s what Guilty Gear is to me... what it MEANS to me.

But sometimes it feels like people need to be more honest with themselves about how they feel about these games.

Like, were you EVER all that interested in GG in the first place?  Or were you just interested in ONE character?  One song?  One moment you saw?

If you can’t handle any other facets or aspects of GG without complaint, you should just be more honest with yourself and address your other interests more.

This is why I can still talk about GG, after all I’ve been through... after everything people have said to me, or about me.... because of what GG means to me.

How many people can face that gauntlet and still come out as themselves, I wonder?

It’s... basically why I won’t EVER shut up about Guilty Gear.

[uwuowotf2waslife]

Do you have one with crippling depression yet? Like they stop eating, stop moving, always nearing tears but bottles them up, becomes emotionally numb, not really finding the joy in life in anyway? There’s nothing physical that caused it, it’s just isolation, loneliness, or guilty memories catching up with you. I’m uh, not doing so good right now and your writing is a really good pick-me-up. Can you write it? Please? It’s fine if it’s too triggering, I can understand. Have a good day, or night.

My inbox is always open my dude, and im more than thankfull for your words

(this will be about a merc and a S/O, hmu if you meant about team dynamics)

You are poetry, 

stay safe & hydratated

tw: depression

Scout: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ not the most emotional mature of the mercs; even himself admits that he is pretty immature even for his age (early 20s), but this doesn’t means he doesn’t have empathy or that he doesn’t care about his S/O. He sees you suffering and he is big time worried. He tries to motivate you, drag you out of your bed and do something fun or at least go and buy some food. He will get annoying but he can’t just sit there and watch you rot. He is a hands-on guy, he might not understand why you are acting up like this, but at the same time he doesnt know how he can approach you. He will try to hug you tighter and bring you food and water, his shoulders can be a pillow for you to cry all day and night long and his hands are there to wipe off the tears from your face. He hates seeing his bby sad and would give half his Tom Jones memorabilia for you to wake up one day and be your old, happier self ♥

Soldier: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ although his social skills are in scarcity, he isnt a traitor. He sees his S/O down ( mentally) and it pains him to an unimaginable extent  to see you so unmotivated . He doesn't understand why are you sad, what has happened? Did that crazy Kraut touched you? who he needs to snap the neck? He hates seeing you like this. Will be stubborn, just because he doesnt understand something it doesnt mean he can't find a way around. In the end, he will push you enough to actually break down and explain everything that has happened. For the first time in years hes just silent, he broke the dam and he is beyond ashamed of making you break down like this. He doesn't what to do so for now he will hold you as tight as he can and promise in America and whatever is holy and pure in him that he will help you untill you are again okay. ♥

Pyro: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ they know that you are sadder than before and they can see you points of view. They themselves know that life sometimes just sucks and that its okay not to want to eat or leave your bed. But they are also afraid that whatever is plaguing you it will become worse and worse and they really don’t want to see you hurting yourself like they once did. They try helping you do simple things, drink a glass of water, play a bit with their stuffed animals, theyll help you brush your hair or wash your face. They know they baby you, but they think you need a bit more of some more smootches or cuddles. If they see you worsening or being even less active they will drag you their pillowfort and just try to keep you as close them while chanting sweet nothings and sad mumbles, please don’t loose yourself like they did. ♥

Engie: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ he might be a cruel, cold man when hes on the field, but in reallity he is the cinnamon roll meme( he is a cinnamon roll and he might kill you tho but he is mostly a cinammon roll). He knows also that work and his projects take a really big amount of his time so he already feels very guilty. I doubt he has any humanitarian doctorates, but he has an above average understanding of human psychology; whats the point of trying  to emulate life when you cant understand it?He knows he can't address it straightforward, but he needs to get you over this slump before you do something really stupid. Que him cleaning up his workshop and carrying you there bridal style. He has a small nest of pillows and blankets and right next to it his trusted guitar.You have the whole night and the day after to spend it together and get in the bottom of the barrel. Itll be hectic but he is a very patient man and loves ya to bits ♥

Demo: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ lowkey one of the mercs with the most expierence with depression/ depressive episodes. For once in his life he doesnt drink and tries to find the rute of the problem, if there is of course or its just pent up anger and frustation with things that have happened in your life now or in the present. In simple, you will talk. For hours if needed. He wont drink a sip becausehe doesnt want to forget even the stupidest detail from your venting. In the end, he will offer you to drink but he will drag you out of the base/ house and make you sit in the front porch/ garden  while he has set up some “ festive” fireworks ( just some small ones that erupt and turn into hearts) . He isnt the ideal psychological perfection, but if you chosed the scottish cyclops for your mate, then he shall go to the man and back just to see you smile one more time. ♥

Heavy: ˜”*°•.˜”*°• he has seen depression and has experienced it himself. It was way too traumatic for a young man to have to support a family without a father figure around. I highly headcanon him to have deppresion hence the sandwich, hes bingining while staying in the battlefield. He doesnt care about the language barrier, in order for the both of you to be as close as you are know, it means you understand eachother to a satysfying extent. He will cook you a very hearty meal and bring it to your bed with a tray and sweet tea. You can eat in silence with him simply staying by your side and rub your back, words can’t potray how he feels right now. Once you finished hell put the dishes outside and simply cuddle you ( being the least cuddly of the mercs, it means a lot). You can nap, cry, trace patterns on his sculp anything really. All his life the main cause of depression was the anarchy surrounding his life, he needs you to feel protected. He doesn’tcare how much time it will take, but he will rip the mountains apart to seeyou smile out of genuine happiness, might even cry if he is the cause. •°*”˜.•°*”˜

Medic: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ the most medically, again qualified from the group. so he has at least that covered. He isn’t stupid, you show clear signs of cronic clinical depression ( also known as manic depression) and although it has been a long while before finding a patient to lobotomize, hed be damned if he ever butchered you up like that. He is a healer, even if enjoys his enemies to hurt a little more than they should, and a healer is here to help both the body and the mind. Will persuade you into getting under medication, even if he knows theyll have little to no effecthe just hopes the placebo effect will motivate you. He tries to mix your routine with his, ex. he wakes up really early when you finnaly after hours of insomnia fell asleep, hell tuck you in and kiss your forehead. Throughout the day hell send Scout or Heavy to bring you food or water or your medications. Pyro will be by your doorstep or you side, to keep you company during the day. At night he will carry you to the medbay and do all the talking for you if you dont feel like talking, he will listen to all of your venting. Lowkey will sit you on his lap so he can rub your back and let you cry/ just sit there, to feel his heardbeat on your face and relax. ♥

Sniper: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥    𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘯, 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘰𝘰𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘵. 𝘉𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘦𝘢𝘯𝘴 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰𝘰 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘈𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 𝘶𝘱 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘮, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘴 ��𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘶𝘭𝘵 , 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 , 𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘦 𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘧𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘴𝘯𝘵 𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦. 𝘖𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥𝘣𝘺𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘤 ( 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘬𝘪𝘥𝘴), 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧𝘧 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘚/𝘖 𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵( 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘮𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘱𝘪𝘴𝘴 , 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘥 0/10 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘥) 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰 𝘵𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘬. 𝘏𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘶𝘱 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘦𝘢 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘶𝘨 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘣𝘢𝘴𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘬𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘤𝘦. 𝘏𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘯𝘰𝘸. ♥

Spy: (っ◔◡◔)っ ♥     actually he isn’t that mentally mature as much as he strives to be. He has very unhealthy copying mechanisms, he fucks and smokes his torments away, but he also knows different people have different copying mechanism and he cant judge how people seek comfort. He doesnt know how to help yo, he really does but he doesnt know. He is nervous but he will probably suggest you two take a vacation away, together. He has planned it all fancy and nice, and pretty much has scanned the whole place/ area/resort you are staying and having “ friends” around. He doesnt care if you just stay all day in the resorts pool and just chill around drinking pina coladas. In the middle of your vacations, he will take you to a more secluded area and will open up about his issues , not about your relationship but about him as a person. He has many issues and he is a very difficult person to be around, so you haveto know he will never judge you. But he also doesnt know how to help you. This will make you hug him and you two can finnaly have a good, well-earned cry. Kiss him on the nose or on his head and tell him how much all this means to you and he will cry you a river and hold you till the dayhe dies, how can someone so late in his life means so, just so damn much? ♥  

[that-house]

Hey so I hit 100 followers today!

Buckle up, this is gonna be a LOOOONG post.

I quite honestly expected it (while my ego is a little smaller than my jokes make it out to be it is definitely present), I didn’t expect it to happen so fast.

It’s not an insane milestone, plenty of people have 100 followers. A hefty portion of my followers are bigger than me. But it’s still important to me. Knowing that there’s 100 people out there who enjoy my shit makes me happy.

First and foremost the credit quite honestly has to go to ahegao George Washington. No, I’m not joking. Until I posted on r/tumblr about my desire to draw that, I had 0 followers. I jumped to like 10 overnight, which was awesome. And then those new followers helped me spread my posts and get more attention.

Secondly I’d like to shoutout @imaverysadgirl and @themeaninglessjumble. You two were my first real tumblr frens. You were the first of my followers to really interact with me. Ember, I’m super happy you’re alive to see me hit 100 followers. Jumble (I don’t know your name unless I forgot it), your art and creations are great and you deserve way more attention.

To all the rest of you, you guys are great, too. Every new follower makes me happy. I’d say I don’t deserve you all, but my colossal ego says I do. Regardless, being nemesi and getting called out for being horny on main and sending and receiving asks has made this last month or so great.

Finally, for all the shit it gets, and for all the shit it pulls, [tumblr] really is pretty dope. I got to meet you all, and it’s actively making me a better person by exposing me to groups of people I’d rarely interact with in real life.

Why does it feel like I’m saying goodbye? I’m not, don’t worry. I plan to stay, and neither death nor pain shall drive me from this hellsite. I’m just saying thanks.

Now with the thanks out of the way, I want to talk about myself a little. Just the stuff that I’ve always wanted to say and never quite gathered my thoughts and found the time to talk about.

You’re gonna get to know me so well! This is like a mini autobiography!

First off, my mental health. This is something I don’t talk about much on this blog, mostly because it doesn’t need much talking about. I’m doing pretty well, to be honest. I have a smattering of anxiety and I’m maybe a little too introverted for my own good, but I’m not suffering from depression and the only time I ever even remotely considered suicide was when I just really really didn’t want to go to French class. COVID has been great for me, since I don’t have to see people. I suppose I’m not a great person to talk to if you’re struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, seeing as I can’t personally relate, but I’m still always here for you guys if you need me. Just because I haven’t lived through your experiences doesn’t mean I can’t try to help.

Next up I want to talk about my sexuality. This one’s a bit of a mystery. For the past 16 years of my life I’ve considered myself 100% straight. But lately (let’s be honest, following the release of Spirit Blossom Thresh) I’ve been wondering if I might be bi. How many times can I joke about wanting to smash sexy boys before it’s not really a joke anymore? And if I am, a lot of things would suddenly make a lot of sense. But every time I think I have it figured out it suddenly feels like I have no clue what’s going on. Regardless, my sexuality has honestly never been a massive part of my identity (though I’m definitely not asexual, my friends can attest I’m far too horny for that). I have no clue if I’m bi and for now it’s kind of a fun little adventure!

I guess I’ll talk about school and stuff now. Believe it or not, I’m kinda smart. I’m taking a shitton of AP courses this year. But I simultaneously feel like it’s too much and not enough. I’m smart, but I’m not a great student. Compared to my dad, who graduated college with a 3.98 GPA (and his only B being in History of Canada as an American) and now has a super well-paying government STEM job that he loves, I feel like even if I work my ass off I’ll never quite measure up. And my parents have had super high expectations of me, and it’s only recently that they’ve started to accept that I might get some B’s here and there. I’m worried about all the homework this year. I’m a year ahead in Math but I don’t feel good enough at math to be taking AP calculus junior year. I’m worried I’m going to get like a C. But for the most part school is alright, too. That’s sort of the trend in my life. Everything’s alright.

Time to talk about my love life! I have no love life! I’ve been single for 17 years and probably stand no chance of changing that until at least college! Haha I’m so alone! But I can live with it. Growing up an only child with a few friends means that I’m pretty good at functioning without a ton of social interaction, and, while I’d like a partner someday, I’m not desperate. I can wait until I find someone. Pretty much my goal is not to die alone.

Onto sports maybe? I played soccer for most of my life, and was always the worst player on the select team. I was too good for the normal team and not good enough for the select team (kinda like math). Soccer was really toxic, especially when you’re the worst player on a team of high school jock drug addict boys. So I quit, and started playing frisbee! It’s a lot better. The people are nicer! But my first season never happened because of COVID and now I’m in my Junior year and haven’t played much frisbee! So I kinda suck! But I’m physically fit and that’s good enough for me! On my own time I bike and run to stay in shape.

Are you still with me? Now I’m gonna talk about my hobbies and things!

I’ve been playing video games for a long time. I kinda suck at them to be totally honest. I probably have below-average reaction time, and my parents only let me play 15 minutes a day for most of my childhood, so I have a lot less practice than most of my friends. I’m pretty slick with Swain in LoL tho.

This next part is borderline shameless self-promotion, but since the Kickstarter isn’t live yet I guess it doesn’t count. I’m making a tabletop role playing game! I’ve been working on it for the past few years. My goal is to launch the Kickstarter prior to my college applications, because that’ll look sexy as fuck to potential colleges. It’s a post-apocalyptic sci-fi game where you play as supersoldiers trying to reconquer the wastelands of Earth for humanity. I’ll do a big post on it when I launch the Kickstarter, and I guess that’ll also be a full name reveal (kinda spooky since my full name is ENTIRELY unique and one-of-a-kind. More ego boost lmao).

And finally I want to talk about my art and writing. I’ll start with my drawing, and finish off with my writing, since that’s what I’d most like to be known for on here (but that’ll never happen because my caveman brain shitposts are too funny).

So I’ve been doodling for a long time. I briefly got formal art training but sacrificing my Saturday mornings to draw what someone else wanted me to make so that I could make better stuff in the future didn’t appeal to my 8-year-old brain. I draw in the margins of worksheets. I draw on random sheets of paper. Recently my parents bought me a drawing tablet, and I’ve been trying to improve at digital art. I’d say I’m getting better, but I don’t practice nearly enough. All in all my art serves its purpose. It makes people laugh and can sometimes creep people out. It’ll never go in a museum, and I’ll never make money off of it but whatever.

And finally, my writing.

How can I talk about writing without talking about reading? I’ve likely read more books than both my parents combined, and if not, it’s close (and my mom is a prolific reader too). I have three bookshelves in my room and books on every surface. You can’t follow me for long without seeing a post ranting about my latest read. I love to read and I read incredibly fast. Reading spurred my love of English class, which in turn helped me write.

And finally, we get to writing in and of itself. I’ve been writing stories since I was a little kid. I’d like to think I’ve improved a fair bit. I’m still no novelist, but I consider myself a fairly adept short story writer.

But I suppose where my writing really stems from is my bed. Every night while I’m lying in bed, I tell myself stories until I fall asleep. I work on a story until it’s done or until I get bored of it. Along the way, in the shower, on my bike, I build the world of the story, crafting the plot. Sometimes the stories are elaborate fanfictions of my latest reads. That’s probably how they started. Often, they’re unique worlds all of their own. My current writing posts are about the City of Mammon, but my current story in my head is about some vampires who hunt other vampires in Victorian England.

And now we get into the process of writing. It’s fun! I sit myself down with an idea in my head, and use all the fancy words I picked up from my books to convey the vibes I want. I honestly wouldn’t be a great writing teacher. It’s just a skill that comes naturally to me as a result of what I’ve been doing with my free time my whole life. And it’s beautiful. And every time someone compliments my writing or reblogs it, I love writing just a little bit more.

Well I guess this is it. The 100 follower special. I wonder how many of you guys will take the time out of your day to read this. Hopefully a lot!

James (or That House) signing off for the night!

<3 thanks guys

[kny-imagines]

okidoki, giyuu and tanjirou relationship hcs coming right up! thank you for the request :D!

tomioka giyuu

looks super mysterious and intimidating

really is just a dumb confused emo eddgy-edge man

LISTEN MY DUDE you better be very direct and straightforward with this man or else he just  w o n t  g e t  i t

he just sucks at social interactions, alright? his social skills are = 0. and please don’t ever try to hint something to him. he’s denser than osmium (which is like the densest material on earth so far i know). hence why i hope for the sake of your and his relationship that you’re a straightforward person (or at least can be when needed)

emotionally distances himself a lot, which is like,, a big problem. has a lot of self-worth issues too :((. being a demon slayer isn’t an easy task and takes a huge toll on your mental health and his past (ughh don’t wanna get into spoiler territory, so i’ll keep it vague)) really doesn’t make it any easier for him. it may take a while for him to fully open up to you, but once he does, you just know he’s in it forever. and he’s forever grateful for it too.

such a devoted lover!! he truly truly loves you, and although he may lack in the communicative area, he really makes it up with his actions. here, have some of his share of this food too bc you looked so happy n cute eating it!! oh, this cherry blossom hairpin? he got it on one of his missions out of town bc he remembered how sad you were that the cherry blossom season was over! he is basically the definition of “actions speak louder than words”

i can see him being super into subtle affections like accidental hand touching/arm touching, blowing on hot food before offering it, draping a jacket or a blanket over the other person when it gets cold, etc. it’s nothing special. but his most favorite person in the world makes it special.

i’m not here to idolize him, but to tell you how a relationship with him could be. and like every realistic relationship, it’s not gonna be perfect, but if you both actively work on it, it can still bloom into something wonderful.

tl;dr: he’s just a super dense and awkward bean that needs some time warming up to a relationship, but once he does it’s gonna last forever (if you’re in for it)

kamado tanjirou

i think by now we know what a kind-hearted and wholesome person my boyo tannedjirou is

ALSO PART OF THE “i’m too dense to get subtle hints”-SQUAD PLS SAVE THESE BOYS

he’s just such a sweet person and generally doesn’t assume that any person could have any other intentions of being nice other than being nice!

and you have one intention.. that is making it known that you like him romantically!!!2111!!!!!2!!!

it’s okay br0, zenitsu has your back (both emotionally and physically). he may not be of biggest help when it comes to confessing, but at least you can gush together about your respective crushes :”)

will mom u. and dad u. but more mom u than dad u. doesn’t matter if you’re already in a relationship or still painful crush phase. he. will. mom. u.

you: i want to be more than friends

tanjirou: best friends :D?

you: n-no, something even bigger than best friends, something more than “like”, something like love

tanjirou:

tanjirou: so like super best friends :D??

you:

(i’m so sorry dude, but we tanjirou lovers have to go through this painful stage)

it’s so obvious that you like him, everyone knows. EVERYONE.

how is his smell super extraordinarily good when he cant even smell ALL THE LOVE FOR HIM COMING FROM U

he doesnt realize he likes u in a romantic way probably until he sees you just getting along with nezuko so well. after all, she means more than the world to him, but seeing you just taking care of her without a second thought or u offering to carry the wooden box for him bc u want him to rest,,,,, he suddenly realizes he wouldn’t mind to expand his family to u.............

MONEY IS FLYING AROUND IN THE BUTTERFLY ESTATE, EVERYONE WAS BETTING HOW LONG ITD TAKE HIM TO REALIZE AND PROPERLY CONFESS

as we already know, family is such an important aspect to him, but respects it if u dont get along well with your own family,, after all...................... youre now part of his family :)

[appreciative nezuko ‘mmgghk’ noises in the back. she likes u a lot!!]

very very affectionate!! he’s a bit too embarrassed to kiss u in front of ppl <:0 (u should still give him a peck on his cheek tho just to see his face and ears redden. so adorable!!), but very big on hand holding and linking arms!!

pls grab one of his hands and kiss it while staring deeply into his eyes. he. will. melt.

doesn’t really use pet names himself, but loves it when you use them for him!! pls be as silly as it gets (like sir floofington, my little cuddle bunny, etc), he will giggle and nuzzle your cheek as his reply!!

although he can be very dense, he’s very very blunt and honest!! (see: scene when he complimented inosuke’s face LOL)

doesn’t know how to flirt, but his honesty could be taken as flirting,,,,

you, teasingly: oh, you’ve been staring in that person’s direction for a while now. should i be jealous?

him: THEY MAY BE VERY BEAUTIFUL, BUT NO MATTER WHERE I LOOK, THE GREATEST BEAUTY I SEE IS YOU

damage: 1000

i kinda wandered off and they aren’t very specific to relationship hcs anymore, sorry D: !! if you want me to redo them, just resend the request and i’ll happily write them anew!!

[thefandomlesbian]

I'm a lesbian who lives in a very conservative community too, and I'm completely isolated. I wanted to ask, how do you find motivation to keep going?I have no friends or anyone to talk, I go to college but I've never made a friend, I literally just go to class and come back home everyday, 0 interaction with anyone. I can go weeks and months without talking to another human being and it's depressing me so much idk how to stay alive anymore. My family's never cared ab me. How to stay sane?

My only recommendation for this is to get a hobby in your community (and I don’t mean a gay hobby, literally anything) and to look for connections in the gay community online. If it weren’t for my work in animal rescue, I probably wouldn’t be around anymore. I have to give myself extrinsic meaning because I don’t see myself as intrinsically valuable, and for me, that’s saving lives in animal rescue, becoming a nurse to help other people, and providing entertainment through posting my writing online. I also would suggest getting a part-time job, just ten hours a week, to expose you to the public more and force you to interact even when you don’t particularly want to. 

There are Facebook groups both for lesbians specifically and for LGBT people as a whole, not necessarily for dating but for making friends. I’ve made some good distance friends on dating apps, and some of the people I’m closest to in my life I met on Tumblr. 

I’ve reached a point in my life where I’ve resigned myself to probably being single for the rest of my life. I know what I want in my life, and I doubt I’m going to find a woman who shares those aspirations, and for me, that’s okay. Sure, I’m sad about it, but at the end of the day, I have to do what I feel will make my life meaningful. I’m going to spend the rest of my life in this area (unless I move back to the Deep South where I was born to inherit family land, which would be an even worse scenario than what I’m facing now) where my dreams are accessible, even if that means that partnership isn’t. 

But if that isn’t you, then I urge you to remind yourself that this won’t last forever. You will eventually get to move to a city and meet more liberal people and meet other lesbians in the flesh. You’ll eventually get to have the experiences you wish you were having now, and it’s never going to be too late to have those experiences. 

And I’m not sure how your school is doing things, but depending on the level of social distancing your campus is enforcing, I’ve found it helpful to me to identify 2-4 people in every class and to tag along with them, even if silently. Most people don’t go through their lives thinking of how much you’re annoying them or how much they wish you weren’t around. I know your anxiety says otherwise, but I promise it isn’t true. I have a very hands-on major where we’re required to partner up a lot and I’m always the last one left, and my life changed the day I stopped sitting at my desk looking up at my professor in terror and started picking the nearest pair and asking if they minded a third. (Literally, there was nothing more embarrassing than being twenty years old and having my professor force my classmates to let me partner up with them.) Most people, even if they do mind, won’t say it to your face, and at least in my classes, these students are going to be future nurses and are going to have to deal with all sorts of people, so I expect them to suck it up. 

I won’t say it gets better, because I can’t say it has actually gotten better as much as I’ve gotten more desensitized to it, but you will develop more coping skills and figure out how to explore aspects of your locale that appeal to you. 

My DMs are always open, anon, so please feel free to message me whenever you’d like <3