#it still gives me so much seretonin

[emotinalsupportturtle]

I guess you can say that I’m a massive nerd by how much I lost my mind when I first saw this.

This still cracks me up after all these years.

[mitamicah]

Music inspirations: A Road to Damascus (DK)

Self indulgent post incoming but I need to talk about the last time I felt this passionate about a musician/band (and yes it was over a decade ago) because I just rediscovered them and oh my gosh they are still giving me the strongest feeling of seretonin and I can sing along with almost all their songs !!! (until I stopped listening to them in 2014 since those songs I’ve only just heard now)

Let me introduce you to the danish band A Road To Damascus - a metal/rock/pop punk band I learned about when they played a local gig in my hometown - I fell in love with them from the moment I heard this one song (second below). No, actually I fell in love as soon as I saw the guitarist’s purple guitar x’D (I got to hold it afterwards :3). Since then I basically followed them around anywhere on their Danish tour, bought all their albums and merch, gifted them a piece of fanart (and got them to sign the copy for myself) and even was gifted back a sheet of chords (signed of course) so I could play their song live at an open mic event :’3 It got to a point that I was on first name basis with most of if not the entire band :’D

I’ve tried to find some of my favourite songs from each album (they don’t have a lot but it is worth checking out anyways) below :3

1) Sweetheart, 2010 (Pretty alright for first outing :3)

2) Head High, Hands Down, 2011 (aka the song that got me HOOKED)

3) The Best is Yet to Come, 2011

4) Home is Where Your Heart Was, 2014 (aka the song I got the chords to)

5) All Said and Done, 2014 (the intro sends me back so it’s a big nostalgia kick - funny when the lyrics fit with my current state more xD)

6) The Last Straw, 2019

7) Fearless, 2020

6) Sirens, 2023 (as soon I heard it, it reminded me how much I love these guys!)

There’ll be some even more selfindulgent parts under the line x’D

Here’s me with the bassist and guitarist (I’m wearing their merch which is sadly almost too worn to wear now and I ruined it by trying to make it into a croptop x’D):

Here’s me and the frontman (don’t mind me looking away x’D): 

Here I am holding up the signed copy of the fanart :3

Here’s me in their music video:

So yeah if you need something to listen to I can recommend these guys.

[1111jenx]

a special edition astrojenx

— The twelve Venus signs and Elizabeth Taylor✯

part 1/2

Hey loves, for international women's day I wanted to honour a few iconic women that resides very close to my heart. My mom is a big fan of Elizabeth Taylor and so was my grandma:) I have grown up watching her old movies and admiring her elegance and beauty. So today I wanted to do a fun astrology post featuring this icon for you guys! I hope you guys have fun reading this as much as I do writing it🤎

Inspired by Vogue UK's Elizabeth Taylor's life in dresses and diamonds by Naomi Pike, Feb 2021.

First and foremost, we'll skim through Elizabeth's birth chart.

Our queen is indeed a Pisces Sun 7° in 2nd house, Scorpio Moon 15° 11th house, MC in Libra 14° and Sagittarius ASC at 13°, with her chart ruler being Leo Jupiter in 8H 🤎 You can find Elizabeth's full chart here.

However, Elizabeth's MC in Libra explains everything. A Venus midheaven in another Venus degree? No wonder why years later, she's still talked about and seen as the one who define that century.

Venus heavy people are usually popular and well-loved, they're also given effortless class and charms that help them get anything and almost literally anything they desire.

Looking at someone's venus signs can tell us a million things about them. Venus is not just love, it is your love language, you choice of clothing, your taste to almost everything, what you value&need to feel secure(2H energy), your love for the art.

But Venus is also hope, intimacy, popularity. So for today, we'll talk about what Venus in the Signs mean to me, enjoy love<3

🤎Aries Venus🤎

Fiery. Flamboyant Aries Venus. Being in a fire sign, Venus feel comfortable and happy here. Aries Venus people tend to have an air of youthfulness to them that's extremely distinct.

Grande lovers. Not in a Leo Venus way but more silly and carefree, very straightforward and honest with their feelings.

Aries Venus individuals thrive off the seretonin they get finding a new subject of interest. They love the chase and they put excitement and depending on their other placement, here we have some real fighters in relationships.

More than any other fire sign, Aries is known for being the leader. They have a go getter personality thats appealing to people. Once they have set their eyes on someone, it is their conquest, it is their mission to hunt down their prey.

Lustful. Sexual compatibility is so important to these natives. A placement that tend to fall in love at the first sight.

Imagine going to a party with bright lights and loud music, yet amidst it all you meet eyes with an Aries Venus. She's the embodiment of fire, her eyes flame chaos and her smile lure you in. Fast yet hot&heavy. The instant attraction is mutual and as you zoned out in awe of her beauty, she chuckle and pass by you, intentionally get a little to close to your back before grinning again and head to the other section of the party.

Playful. They love to act hard to get or they love cheeky people, people who are out of their league or act cold and refuse to give

Value independence above all else. Love to them can seem like a cat and mouse game. They love the feeling they get from that talking/getting to know each other stage.

Hate feeling tied down a lot of the time. But will have a hard time getting rejected by others

Looks spectacular in red! Tend to have a striking note to their appearance or personal style.

Shows love by actions/services and physical touches. Can be very dreamy individuals💗

Very sincere. Will be straight up with you. Can be very selfish sometimes. Need to learn that partnership takes 2 people.

Attract Scorpio, Libra, Sagittarius placements and cardinal or fire energy. Especially Venus/Mars. (Venus+Plutonic energy)

🤎Taurus Venus🤎

Love like it is the 80s. High standards but also fall in love with the smallest thing.

Glamour and drama. They want security, stability and sex, a lot of em. They want to indulge in their partner and want their partner to lose themselves in them too.

Seductive demeanours. Charming smile. Taurus Venus can be seen as a real flirt sometimes but they rarely fall for people. When they do they just fall hard.

Curves. The men loveeeeee women with curves. They would literally worship thicker women. To them, the softness aspect and the comfort 2 people bring one another is unmatched.

Gallant. Will hold the doors for you, will listen to you speak and will want to know how your day went. The women with this placement are gorgeous. Venusians by nature.

Have a soft spot for sassy and intelligent people.

They love an independent person. To them, self love and self care is so attractive.

Patience and consistency. Small actions mean so much more. Waiting for you to finish your class. Hold the grocery bags for you. Look at you in awe randomly.

Have BEAUTIFUL eyes. They would honestly fall for someone's appearance first LOL. Very realistic in that sense. Also need a lot of attention.

They like it when people talk back LOL. They actually value someone's backgrounds a lot, not the type to get with any rando. They would want to know and to test you to see if you're well-educated and capable of taking their love.

Loyal and are actually very affectionate. God for them it's really hard to move on from someone. So if they ever break up with you first, know that they had enough.

Men can be serial daters but once settled down they will turn into simps, want your attention and validation 24/7

Women tend to be attracted to older men. Men with resources and power.

Power play >

Hate compromising. Can even become needy and too realistic.

They value aesthetics a lot. Might be into expensive thing too!

Attract Scorpio, Libra placements and fixed energy. Also other earth placements would also work.

🤎Gemini Venus🤎

Amazing with words. Can be seen as so so flighty but are actually very loyal inside.

Scared that they will eventually get bored of someone. But tend to fall for the mysterious type somehow.

Late night talk. Giggles and heart felt confession.

Bright, care free aura. They look like a little child in love, want someone to be their bestfriend and their partner.

Diverse taste, they like it when someone introduce them to things they didn't know. Really value intelligent individuals! To them brains is the new sexy.

People that they can talk and vibe with for hourssssss. Can be very anxious sometimes yet would be hesitant to show this. Entertainer.

A lot of Gemini Venus are actually pretty jealous. They like challenging people and people who can play mind games with them.

In love with blunt, even a bit harsh partners.

Communication is so so important to them.

Very beautiful souls with different fragments of colours. So different to people you used to know. Once you started to talk to them you can't stop. They always know what to say.

Awkwardly charming. Suave and so sweet.

An air of innocence to them. Interesting to talk to and usually can be very knowledgeable about almost everything.

Brains is so so attractive to them.

Imagine the jock guy falling in love with the nerdy girls who have piles of books next to her. The couple that would be very intellectual to one another. Amazing advice and inside jokes.

Can be very superficial and flighty sometimes. Indecisive and have a harder time committing.

Attract Virgo, Sagittarius and mutable energy. (Mercury+Jupiter energy) also would love airy placements.

🤎Cancer Venus🤎

Secret nurturers. So gentle with their s/o. Want to be adored and will give back love x1000 times more.

These people's feelings work on an unconscious and instinctive level, and they usually affect everyone with who they're tied to.

Cancer Venus natives have a very soft spot for babies and children in general. If well aspected they can be great baby sitters too :) Kids just seem to love em!

They are also very likely to have close links with their family. To them,family is something very important. Might care a lot about security in general and get extremely defensive when it comes to their family.

Work hard to provide for their family. A dreamer deep down and a BIG need to nurture and protect.

Might try to hide their sensitivity by putting up a tough facade but underneath it all they're big softie.

Women with this placement are homebodies deep down no matter how fiery or airy their chart are. They care a lot about the aesthetics of their living space.

Won't stop until they find the one. Look for their other counterparts whom they can trust and build a home with.

Heart eyes. Gorgeous lips and cheeks. Women are blessed with great boobs or skin. The men have a very moody beauty to them, but people are very drawn to this.

Too sacrificing in love. Once they love someone they let the love consume them. Would have high expectations and plans for their future. Hate having their hopes up as they get older.

Amazing eyes for anything home-decor related.

Extremely dependable people.

Attract a lot Capricorn, Aquarius (Saturn-Uranus) and other water&cardinal placements!

🤎Leo Venus🤎

Drama. Drama. And more drama. They love the honeymoon phase in the relationship. When they're interested in someone love dominate their world.

Prideful yet very determined. They truly hate it when people disrespect their personal style of love life.

Protective and dramatic lovers. Would spoil you until you can't handle them no more. Drown you in playful banters then spoil you with heart felt compliments and gifts.

They don't like people who promise too much, they prefer to see it. Once you have lost their trust best believe that's it. They don't turn around for old lovers often. Even if their chart has a lot of water, they love the drama but once they deem that they're no longer in control, they'd retrieve.

Spontaneous but controlling. Know exactly what they want at one point but would be confused when they meet a person that they fall for for no reason.

Dress to impress. Faux fur, expensive bags, renting the whole restaurant just for date night. They love attention. Give it all to them.

Would always want to hear you compliment them. Tell them you love them. Tell them you love everything about them. Worship their bodies during sex.

Even more shallow than Libra Venus sometimes. Care SO MUCH about looks.

Expressive and fun. Life of the party. They dress like they're rich. They know what to wear and what would work best on them.

Gift gifting is their way of showing love. But they'd also expect their friends and lover to return this affectionate nature too!

HATE betrayal. They can't handle being jerked around by people. As they grow older they know how to discard people who don't value them effectively.

Want to be worshipped like a god. Their partner's attention need to be on them 24/7 and they have to be able to see that their partner is putting in the effort. Value honesty and intimacy in a relationship.

They like to be noticed. Can dress very simple but still very attractive.

Their personality usually drawn a lot of people in

Creative and have expensive taste. A lot of them could have been the party animal when younger but slowly turn into a much more professional in later years.

Lowkey extremely obsessive and dramatic deep down. Would want to control you. Sometimes can't take no for an answer.

Generous hearts. Believe in giving back and can be very soft with the unfortunates.

Attract a lot fire placements, Aquarius, Cancer energy.

[mof17]

I come back to this piece of silly little fanart fairly often

( eats ur desert duo art ), more pls

guh i js saw this.. heres a secret life desert duo comm i did a bit ago..

[flamingbluepanda]

WIP Wednesday 🤩🤩

Do y'all know how much I love getting tagged in things like. I'm so bad at doing tags but getting tagged gives me so much seretonin, so for tonight thanks to @energievie and @ardent-fox for this!!! This long snippet is from my season 11 fix it au- which starts at th tail end of season ten, becauw fuck byron

~~

"No, I uh," Mickey looked away from him, cheeks flushing a tiny bit. "Ijumpedoutofamovingbus."

Ian took a step back, hands resting on Mickey's shoulders so he could stare at him. "I'm sorry, it sounded like you said you jumped out of a moving…"

Mickey was already nodding, and Ian couldn't help but shake him a little bit.

"Why is would you- Jesus fuck Mickey! You just got out of prison you really wanna die so soon?"

"I had a good reason!"

"A good reason for jumping out of a bus!?"

"I thought the cartel was tailing me!"

"That-" Ian paused. "That… why? Did you hear something?" His heart lept into his throat. "Are you-"

"The warden mentioned that the Calderons might know I'm out," Mickey ducked his head, biting his lip. "Saw a car with tinted windows following my bus, panicked. Turns out it was my parole officer who wanted to offer me a ride."

"Jesus fuck," Ian shook his head. "I- fuck, are you okay?"

Mickey shrugged, which meant he wasn't. Ian gently tilted his head back up so he could get another look at his face.

"C'mon," he said softly, "let's get you cleaned up."

He led Mickey into the bathroom and sat him down on the toilet- still shirtless, which Mickey hummed approvingly at as he shamelessly stared at Ian's chest and abs.

[princeanxious]

Lil bit of seretonin for y'all today from us:

Cherry(the smaller of our twin kitties) was bored and getting into stuffs and so obvi i picked her up before she could knock something over that would make a mess(bc we have to get ready for work soon and dont have time to deal with a mess that big)

And its really telling just how much she trusts me to pick her up and hold her high enough to press our face into her side for a silly nuzzle while we gently asked her to 'chill' and how she just let it all happen without even a wiggle? and then we set her down on our bed instead away from the things she had been messing with right?

Well we still have a few more minutes before its time to get ready so we sat down as well(in the adhd way that we do that's half leaning sideways against a mountain of squishmallows, which is relevant to know for this next part) and its just.

Heartwarming?? that she immediately goes and pulls her whole 7 pound body up ontop of ours and hooks herself perfectly over our hip to lay down. Not just leaning against us but instead choosing to curl up completely over our lap with her head hooked over our hip. And just. Chills there. The fact that shes content enough with us to not even be offended by our indignant handling(in which we still always try to be courteous and never sudden unless we're playing and even then we give prior sight and time to move away first if they dont want it, and always use 2 hands to carry them securely) from earlier to outright cuddle instead of going back to causing mischief then falling asleep there on top of us??

I love our lil Cherrybomb so much ;;

[beanswrites]

100 Followers Celebration!

Today's the day, everyone! The goal has officially been reached, thanks to all of you wonderfull people!

Thank you everyone for a 100 followers! I've never thought I would ever get to this many, let alone that so many people would like my writing or find any of my other posts funny!

It's just so incredible to me how I can make people smile with my writing (or cry, when I write angst-)!!

I've started this blog so I have another place to post my thoughts and writing on, but I've never thought people would actually read them! I remember the time when I used to post all my ideas because I didn't have any requests (which was like.. On Wattpad and stuff), and now you guys send me awesome new ideas each week! Your huge support means everything to me, it's my inspiration to write more!!

I just-

AHHHHHHH ILYSM ♡︎

For my 100 milestone, I decided to give a couple of shoutouts to some of my followers who were very cool and supportive!!

Keep in mind that these are the followers that I noticed engaged with my work, the ones who have been the most active. I love all my followers the same, and each and every one of you means everything to me <3

SHOUT-OUTS:

1. @notaguyrai

My first follower!! (Yeah, I checked)

Hello @notaguyrai!!

You've stuck around on this little orange blog ever since the first scribble I posted for The Arcana, all the way up to here. Thank you for that!

You were my first motivation to even write more for Nadia and

(I'm kinda ashamed to admit this)

But I feel like none of my Nadia fics and headcanons are "approved" untill you like them-

Me, after posting my new Nadia fic: You know what? This isn't even that good. It was done in like two days, it probably feels rushed. And I'm not even sure it's proofread correctly! And just a 1000 words.. It doesn't even feel like Nadia! It's.. It's too forced. Nobody's gonna enjoy this. Maybe I don't even enjoy this anymore. I should probably just take it down or delete-

Tumblr notification: *@notaguyrai liked/rebloged your post*

Me:

So thank you so much for being a huge support, and I hope that I can keep putting a smile on your face with my Nadia fics!

2. @blackcattrash

Hello @blackcattrash !!!

I just wanted to thank you for all the support you've given me. Throughout these 3 months of posting you've supported me so much, and I always have a huge smile on my face whenever I see that you liked/rebloged my posts!!

Also, I wanted to say that you're an amazing artist, and I really love your art! When I first saw it I was almost in shock about how good it was, since it's one of the best fanarts I have seen!

I am drooling, I am blushing, I am amazed and unexplainably full of seretonin from just seeing your art

It's just so good-

AND TO THINK THAT YOU, THE TALENTED AMAZING INCREDIBLE ARTIST LIKE YOU, IS FOLLOWING ME?!

unimaginable

unbeliebavle, even

i am SSS (stunned, speechless and shocked)

*Me carefully checking if you do requests because if you do one day I will get enough courage to ask you to draw something for a fic of mine because i love your art and as a writer it's an absolute dream and honor to have my fic illustrated (BUT NO PRESSURE!!! DON'T DO IT JUST BECAUSE I'M FANGIRLING OVER YOUR ART!!! SERIOUSLY!! I'M JUST SAYING HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND YOUR ART!!!)*

Everyone reading this who's a fan of Nadia and The Arcana in general, please go check them out, I'm sure you're going to love them! THEY ARE FUCKING AMAZING, OKAY??

i'm so sorry for my agression i just love all sorts of arts and artists especially the ones who are always so nice like you and I hope I don't come off to strong

So yeah, anyways, love you very much and thank you!

--

Also yeah I'm in love with your MC, he is MAGNIFICENT

3. @bluhame

Bluhame, I love you, I really do, but I still can't tag you

not because I don't want to, I just can't, Tumblr isn't letting me

But anyway, I just wanted to thank you for always supporting me so much! You are always here for all of my fics and headcanons, and I really appriciate all the support you give me!

You seriously have the best ideas and I love it every time you request something! The idea with Greek Mythology/The Arcana crossover is brilliant, so any time you've got any ideas for me, go ahead!

Again, thank you so much for being supper nice and supportive, I love you!

4. @voidlesslove

Hiya @voidlesslove!!

Thank you for supporting my writing and me!!

I just-

I love your vibe

Idk, you just seem like the type of person to be cool by birth

You are so nice, and you always support me and-

Idk you just passed the vibe check

Anyways, thank you for being here and reading my work! If you have any ideas or wishes, my asks are always open! (Oh and yeah I noticed you love Kaeya and as a Kaeya main I have to write some fanfics about him)

Also we share the absolute FANTASTIC taste in men (ya' know what I'm talking about, men with eyepatches) so there's always that too

5. @lucky-foxface

My hundredth follower!

Thank you for making this goal of mine complete, as well as being so patient about your request! I promise it'll be out soon!

Thank you for supporting me and my works, you really are the best!!

Also mentioning: @doesamaifeelinspired, @eye-of-the-silver-dragon, @pekowithabat, @newbie-i-guess and @nonbinaryasraalnazar

All of you guys mean everything to me! So, incase you want to ask something (about your request, my writing, or just any random questions in general), requests something, or just talk and/or simp with me, my asks are open!

I'm welcoming all new followers, and giving a big hug to the old ones!!

Again, thank you so much!

[avocadoart]

Hey bestie do you have any tips for getting into the mechanisms other than listening to the albums because I get confused very easily and never know what’s happening

Ooohohohohoh. Boi have you come to the possible-right place!

First things first. I suppose you have to listen to the lyrics, and since most of the backstories of the characters are in the Tale To Be Told volumes, listen to them. They show up in other albums, and that gives details about their relationship.

Also, live shows. Go on YouTube and watch their live shows, there arent much, but theres alot of added banter that opens up the universe because said banter isnt in songs. There is also more songs in those videos due to being not recorded and/or removed (Like "Lil lemon" which was removed due to a racist verse which once realised, was removed very quickly)

Nastya's backstory, for one, isnt recorded, and is instead in a video on youtube. This video includes Dr Carmilla and Scuzz, who arent in any of the recorded songs. This opened up alot about who Nastya is for me.

Also search up their characters, theres information about them on google. If you go on the website, go to fiction, there a stories about the crew and aurora, their starship.

I'm not the most knowledgeable on this subject, but alot of stuff I've managed to get to was through people on discord servers (I'm in 2 fandom mechanism servers and managed to get alot of information there).

If you want I can send the links to you. Both of the servers often talk about "The Magnus Archives" which includes Jonathon Sims (Jonny dville), Frank Voss (Ashes O'reily) and Jessica Law (The Toy Soilder).

Also....I will probably infodump to you.

Plus if you're not looking for getting really into the mechs, the songs are still bops so you can vibe to them

Sorry for messy layout, my mind is very very messy atm and I am high on seretonin cuz u asked this okay bye-

[smallcrystals]

TRANS MAN TIMBER PLSSSSS I NEED THIS SERATONIN

AND SERATONIN YOU WILL GET

so for some context for this headcanon: timber is afab, his family is from south asian descent, and his parents died when he was around ten

and this is LONG so buckle up !!!

timber was brought up knowing the general idea of a boy and a girl but he didn't really understand why he had to stick to one if he didn't feel like it. his parents tended to avoid the topic of gender and sexuality as a whole so he didn't have much to go by. he confined his thoughts of feeling more like a guy with gloriosa and she made sure he didn't face any queer discrimination from anyone to keep him safe

after their parents died, timber was kind of free to consume more diverse content since he had no one else to tell him not to, so he was pretty accepting of being gay and trans at a young age, reading books he asked gloriosa to get for him

he had to grow up fast so he ended up reading a lot of young adult at 12-13 (since there was more likely gonna be gay/trans ppl in those compared to books for his age)

despite not having a lot of trans rep, he had the internet due to his homeschooling. he was able to research a lot more abt being trans so he'd be more educated and helpful towards them (he sometimes brushed off the feeling of relating too hard to trans men, thinking he was just a really hardcore tomboy)

he realised he found himself attracted to girls and had various crushes but bc of the fact he felt like a boy, he mixed that up with attraction to boys (which he always 'had' since he thought he was a cishet girl at one point). but he still found boys cute and wanted to kiss them so :]

timber liked helping out at the camp a lot with wood and stuff since their dad at the time was the only "man" in the house. his dad didn't think anything of it and was just glad someone could help him out for once, so that continued on after they passed

timber preferred keeping his hair short since it got annoying bc of the curls. he kept it shoulder length until after his parents passed, then he asked gloriosa to cut it even shorter to the hairstyle he has now. my boy cried when he looked at himself in the mirror

it was around 14 where he realised he may be a boy and not a girl when his body started developing. he never got any bottom dysphoria so periods were never a massive thing for him (he just found them annoying) but he didn't like having boobs 😭

gloriosa managed to get T for him as a surprise one day and timber. like. SOBBED

she helps him take it when necessary until he got the hang of it himself and it just very helpful :(

timber noticed how much stronger he was getting after a few weeks on T and he got so excited. he was already strong beforehand so man just got stronger

he binds until he can get surgery which he gets at 18 (so yes in loe he is binding :>)

but it's actually rlly annoying bc man develops double d cups and is like . WHEN CAN I GET RID OF THESE THEY SUCK so he ends up only binding during camp sessions and doesn't when there aren't any campers at everfree

present day timber when someone comments rudely abt why he got top surgery and not bottom: LISTEN I JUST DIDN'T WANT FEMALE DOUBLE D BOOBS ON MY BODY IS THAT SO BAD???

he realised he liked people regardless of gender so he ids as pan! he's never really found a label for himself until he realised he's trans (he's known pre-loe)

he comes out to twilight after she tells him she's bi, so he comes out as pan and trans (a lot more nervous abt the trans bit but she's completely supportive abt it!!)

twilight gladfully reminds timber to take his hormones bc man forgets sometimes 😔 makes a timetable and everything and timber is just..... head in hands

this is my friend maisa's hc but i had to put it in here bc it's so cute:

timber is. so funny when ppl ask him invasive questions like it's none of your business !!!!

"whoa dude youre stronger than me and i'm the real man here" "oh what if i break your real man nose and kick you in the real man nuts then what"

timber gets top surgery done and it goes well!! since he's got a lot of muscle, he wanted his chest to fit that and it looks great in his opinion, he's very happy !!!

timber still likes wearing skirts occasionally and he pulls them off so well. he and flash went skirt shopping once

he lets rarity put make up on him at a time and he occasionally decks up

ppl ask him why he still wears feminine stuff and short answer is "i look better in it than you :)" but rlly, it doesn't give him dysphoria! timber doesn't personally associate his sex with his gender and doesn't feel like he needs to present the way society expects him too. he just does what he does to feel comfortable and doesn't give a shit what anyone else thinks!

timber goes to rarity to get some of his ethnic clothes styled in a little more feminine way (backless salwar for example) and just gets super giddy when he wears it

mehndi (henna) is typically for girls so he wore it as a child during eid and stuff but he didn't stop as he transitioned and always goes to gloriosa to get it done bc she does it really nicely

gloriosa tells him whenever he feels down that she's very proud of him and how far he's come and she'll always be there for him no matter what :(

timber's T ends up messing w his period so sometimes it does come, sometimes it doesn't and it's absolute hell. it used to be regular before but then. 😔 he doesn't get that bad of cramps anymore tho 😎

timber shaves! being south asian, he was bound to get a lot of body hair anyway but being on T just made it. Worse. he shaves frequently and just prefers it that way for himself!

even after timbertwi break up, twi still keeps reminding him to take his T. they're still very close friends!

flash walks in to timber taking his T one day and gets concerned bc he doesn't know so he's like . "timbie what r u doing....." and timber isn't comfortable yet telling him so he says he knows what he's doing and he's not comfortable telling flash yet. flash respects him and leaves the room until timber's done

timber ends up telling him sometime soon (like a few weeks) n flash is like "OHHH you were taking your testosterone, i'm so dumb", timber says "never stopped being dumb" and flash tackles timber

timber's pretty confident in himself after a while. that's where his ego shit comes from, he tries to hype himself up despite not beliveing it or having doubts but he does eventually and he's rlly proud of himself :}

I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABT HEIGHT but timber gained tall genes from his family so he was already pretty tall before he started taking T!! he's taller than flash and he teases amab flash all the time for it hehe

and that's all so far !!! hope you got the seretonin you wanted!!

[chriswhitewolf]

Literally this is just me venting onto a post I'm sure almost no one will see, because I don't know how else to give this an outlet.

I am Agender, and use femme pronouns and am femme presenting.

About a week ago, a random tiktok that came on my page ignited my brain into "I WANT A BINDER" panic. Prior to this moment I had never had any interest in binding, nor do I experience any sort of gender dysphoria or anything over my physical body. After a few hours of internal debate and monolouging, and then sleeping on it, I came to the understanding that I do want to continue using female pronouns, but would also like a binder and to have masc presenting clothing as well as femme.

Which is all well and good, until you factor in that my parents know nothing of my gender identity or sexual orientation because they believe it's a sin to act on "same sex attraction" and argue that there are only two genders and anyone who isn't cis has something in their brain or psyche that needs treated and fixed/corrected. Having parents like this has understandably influenced my to choose not to tell them anything about myself as far as gender or sexuality.

LDS parents who adamantly argue against anything non-cis-gendered, and believe that it's okay to be attracted to people of your same AGAB as long as you don't actually date them or anything probably wouldn't be super supportive of their polyamorus, pansexual, agender child, who presents (or wants to present) both femme and masc.

But here's where things get even more complicated.

I want to be able to present masc or wear a binder when I feel like it, and I didn't want to let their bigoted beliefs prevent me from doing so and having that option when I get up each morning.

So I lied about going out with a friend and went to the thrift store to buy myself masc clothing.

And I ordered a binder from gc2b.

And I'm really excited about it, I even wore some of my new shirts on Friday and Saturday because it felt really nice to dress in a more traditionally masculine way even without having a binder on. Looking at myself in the mirror was instant seretonin.

The issue comes with how, when my binder comes in the mail, my mom will inevitably ask what I ordered. It comes when I won't be able to wear the binder without her (and possibly my dad) noticing that my chest is flat and pressing me for answers. The issue lies with the genuine fear I have over how they'll react to me binding or being Agender; and how afraid I am of what repercussions I might face if I come out or when they see that I'm in a binder.

I'm not ashamed of who I am, nor will I apologise for it. There's not reason in heaven, hell, or the cosmos that I would or should ever have to, or feel the need to. I struggle with self esteem and self love and feeling like I'm deserving or worthy, and I apologize for a great many things, including that I exist. But while I might not be able to say I love myself, the only parts of me I don't hold against myself or put myself down over are my gender and sexual orientation.

I am content with those parts of me and never in a million years will I believe that there is a single thing bad about them.

But I am fearful of the reaction and bigotry and judgement I will receive from the very people who chose to bring me into this world and who should love and support me unconditionally. I am afraid of their silent (and not silent) judgements and the possibility that they will try and argue to me that Agender people don't exist and that I am a girl/woman because being anything but cis means I'm broken.

I am relatively certain that they won't throw me out on the streets or disown me or anything of that nature.

But I am fairly sure they will make their disappointment known, and tell me I'm just confused or ill, and say to my face that they don't want me to wear a binder or masc clothes because when I was born they called me a girl.

I mean, that's how they act over my telling them I wanted to go by my middle name instead of my first when I was in 10th grade.

That reaction is why they don't know my preferred name is Chris and has been for a while. I switched to my middle name because my first had started to feel uncomfortable, and still my mom won't hesitate to tell me she wishes I'd go back to my first name because that's what she chose for me and she loves it so much.

I intentionally refrain from using the term 'dead name'. Because even though that's what it is to me and that's what I use to call it, I used that term to reference my first name in front of my mom and she got upset.

And that was just over switching to a different part of the name they chose.

How much worse will they be if I told them the truth about myself?

The only people I have any issue telling about my gender identity, preffered name, or orientation are the ones who have blood ties to me.

[sugarmaplewings-fics]

my website also released heroes rising in dub which i was super excited about !!!!! i watched it in sub and it was outstanding ofc, but i love izuku’s dub voice so so so so much and it just gives me so much seretonin that i rewatched the movie in dub and cried harder than in sub. why you may ask? because i’m so hopelessly in love with this green bean that just hearing his soft and happy voice makes me tear up — my online friend was getting the brunt of my sobs and it probably was not very great for them lmao but i very much needed that izuku content pick me up. plus i saw the message you left for deku in my asks and i’m going to reply to it once i’m a little less vulnerable since the last thing i wanna do is spill my guts to strangers on tumblr in the midst of an episode — but just know i used that message as a venting system and actually wrote out a whole detailed response to it in my notes app on my phone. 10/10 recommend, it was very helpful! thank you so much for being a deku anon on my page, it’s helped me in so many ways and just brings a nice bright smile to my face every time! - neo

YES HEROES RISING IS SO GOOD HSHASD!! It took a while, but Izuku’s english voice eventually grew on me. I still prefer the sub over dub (bc I’m a purist, fite me), but I think that the MHA dub is pretty okay. I have watched both and I cry eVERY TIME OH MY GOSH I REMEMBER WATCHING IT IN AUGUST OR SOMTH AND MY INTERNET WAS BAD SO IT TOOK ME LIKE THREE DAYS TO WATCH THE WHOLE THING BUT THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS SCREECHING AAAA AND IZUKU’S SO GOOD IN IT TOO THO AND BAKUGOU AS WELL AND THE KIDS WERE SO CUTE but kinda dumb ngl AND JUST AAAAA AGAIN. IZUKU DESERVES THE ENTIRE FREAKING WORLD AND I WILL STAND BY THAT UNTIL I DIE.

... anway (I know that’s a typo but i’m leaving it like that bc I think its funny) Yeah, it’s totally fine! Take your time. I feel a little wonky bc I know you kinda have to answer publicly but I felt bad since it had been a while since I’d sent you anything and also since I’d heard from you 🥺. If you ever want to PM me, you always can <3. Also I’ve done that before, with venting in a notes document, it’s so helpful since I rarely have anyone to vent to. Except then I go back and dry laugh at myself bc I write angsty shit and I should probably stop making fun of myself but yea . . .

Anyways, I’m glad I could help a little bit!

[mc-doppomine]

My Ranking of Buster Bros!!! Songs

As I’ve put with my previous posts about song rankings, this is all done in good fun. What I think slaps may be what you think sucks and vice versa. So take it with a fistful of salt. I will not include the battles as that will be on its own list. I will include BB City, Nausa du Zuiqu and Ez Do Rap for fun.

I honestly feel bad for the Buster Bros because discography wise, I actually like most of the songs. Like if they came on, I probably wouldn’t switch it off. But at the same time, they do not have many that really slap for me. Like songs I’m obsessed with. Which kinda makes me feel bad because since I usually listen over the songs while I write this, I think...yeah these songs are good. 

14) New Star - Probably the only of songs that I’d lean more towards not liking. It really made think of a middle schooler, which I guess is the point since this was Saburo’s introductory song. But you know when you find like old recording of you performing in school and you’re just like ‘oh no.’ But yeah got that feeling. Also I was like ‘man, what a little shit’ from his lyrics. Which, again, makes sense. Does not mean I had to love it. 

13) School of IKB - Maybe because it just felt like a departure from Jiro’s usual sound that threw me off. It isn’t bad by any means but I guess I wasn’t expecting it. It really is a song that says a lot about Jiro’s growth and I’m super proud of him. I will admit that the chorus confused me and I while writing this figured out that he meant ‘I wanna be a cypher that continues after sunset.’ Because the other lyrics that kept coming in between the other ‘I wanna be a...’

12) Ez Do Rap - It is catchy but probably still one more forgettable, especially since I have to go look it up if I want to listen to it. 

11) Run This City - Fallen so far but it did a good job of keeping with the series and making me think that I could get into hypmic. So thank you for your service? Honestly, weirdly I think Buster Bros is one of the crews that actually had their anime versions sound really good for the music? 

10) BB City - I don’t know how all these extra songs end up having this energy of like just feel good and fun? I thought the subject was funny more than anything. Especially since they go so into their pettiness, they forgot the real goal here. It reminds me of another song but I cannot think of what it is. 

9) Ikebukuro West Game Park - This one actually hits pretty hard. Especially the break down near the end. I just had stronger feelings for the ones above it. I don’t mind the callbacks but I think i have to be in a mood with it though. Still thinking about the beatboxing though. 

8) Re:start!!! - I feel so bad that this is where it is but it’s primarily because of just liking fast over slow. But it is such an important song. Like for all that it is. Like this is a song where Jiro is actually the one supporting the entire song when normally it is Ichiro doing so. Like it is proof of him trying to be his own man and yet he is still a loving brother. And ah, I’m just crying over how they remain so strong together (and all these crews need to stop bullying them just because their (sibling) relationships are in shambles). 

7) Ore Ga Ichiro - Honestly think this one and number six could be switched around dependent on what kind of ‘I’m coming to kick your ass’ I felt like being that day. I actually remember it’s small feature in the anime. And it had given me hope for the music of the whole thing (it was half right). And honestly it really does tell you about everything about Ichiro with one song. And I honestly feel a little...proud? Like this sounds more like him than his TDD self. 

6) This Means War - Eyo my name is Jiro! But no, seriously, this song sounds like the kind of thing I’d listen if I was prepping to go fight someone. And Jiro’s words are so intense and take no prisoners about it. Plus instrumental??? Also intense, I love it. 

5) Requiem - Okay so this song was set up for success considering I thought Dies Irae was a banger of classical song to begin with. Add Saburo’s rap to it? Absolute banger. Sounds like a villain origin story to me. Too bad he’s like ‘but Ichi-nii would not like that.’

4) Break the Wall - Look man, they knew what they were doing when they based it off those dance songs. I personally get reminded of Earth, Wind and Fire. But yeah, it’s a good song and such a hopeful song. I am often in the back at work dancing to this song because it just has that vibe. 

3) Nausa du Zuiqu - The one song I can never spell right. But pretty high up for an insert song, huh? But yeah, I got nothing. This one, like Wrap & Rap, just gives me so a boost of seretonin. Because my first thought is ‘is this fucking Ievan polkka? Ichiro, you weeb!’ And he dragged Samatoki down with him. Then it was hilarious to find out they’re fucking go at it in a sauna while doing trivia about saunas. Like Samatoki said, ‘why do you know so much about saunas?!’ 

2) Ohayo Ikebukuro - I’m aware a lot of this is them talking but it’s also so bursting with their personalities and their dynamics. It’s ultra charming to me. Also I thought the breakdown when they’re doing haiku raps (don’t at me, that’s what they are) sounded too great considering they were just doing honestly silly haikus except Jiro. Also I was laughing because I found Ohayo Ikebukuro while writing an outline for an Ichiro/Reader and was like ‘wait, what’ when I found this talked about the kind of girl they liked. And Ichiro’s type...was kinda what I wrote for it. Guess his type is obvious, huh?

1) 3 Second Killer - I know, crazy that we get a Rhyme Anima song top the list. I had actually half forgotten this song. Like I know I thought it was fucking great even with the TV version but I didn’t listen to it because the TV version was so short. So when I found out that the Straight Outta Rhyme Anima extended all the songs, I was like ‘wait what?’ Came to this one, awesome. But it absolutely fits my love of let’s fuck shit up and being a badass vibe. Also my god, this must’ve been such a pain to record because if you look, almost every line is a different brother rapping for like the chorus. It also alternates between which and how many doing the line. And it sounds awesome! Also you hear that guitar in the fucking back? It is going ham. 

[celestialflights]

today’s nostalgia album is the undertale soundtrack, and now i will summarise my experience listening to some of my favourite tracks through my incomprehenisble, unedited thoughts.

fallen down - im cryinf

home - im sobbing

sans. - nice, memorable

nyeh heh heh - head nod time, time to sing along

bonetrousle - nyeh heh heh x 2

run! - let’s go!

dummy! - ahhhhh i love this i love this. i have to stim all the way through this one. seretonin levels off the charts fdghjghgsjfsadfkj

temmie village - bum doo bum doo bum doo bum doo bum doo

NGAHH!!! - YES

spear of justice - YESSSSSS!!!!!!

death by glamour - wish i had this energy

undertale - back to sobbing

song that might play while you fight sans - why are we sleeping on this song??? i love megalonovia, but this slaps!

your best nightmare - holy shit. holy shit holy shit. i don’t know what i feel when i hear this song. not serotonin but afghfd i still love it. it is my inner monologue when i have a panic attack. oh my god. the repetition of the titles song but creepy is sdkfsdaf. oh wooooowww. i really can’t do anything else when i listen to this song. it’s just a whole experience.

an ending - wow this makes me feel a type of way

don’t give up - 😭😭😭 i love this so much. god it makes me feel so hopeful

hopes and dreams - oooohhhh wow makes me feel the same as don’t give up but even more wooowww. undertale soundtrack is out here making we want to cry but also smile so wide

megalanovia - oh goddddd here we goooooo. yes yes yes yes yes yes yes!!! another one that makes me happy stim

[mild-manneredapricot]

Okay I did the thing

Here is my self-insert Beetlejuice fanfic because I have no self-control

Emotional Support Stinky Rat Bastard Man: the fanfiction

Just to be clear, this is not slash. Reader is not being shipped with Beej. They're just friends having a good time. source: I am lonely and want friend

Reader is feeling lonely after everyone leaves for winter break and they are stuck in the dorms, until they summon Beetlejuice accidentally. Shenanigans ensue.

Chapter 1: It Begins

You’re invisible when you’re sad

The dorm was almost abandoned, it felt like. You walk the halls in your pajamas, wondering at the sudden silence. The lack of people was a bit unnerving, having been used to the noisy rowdy mess that was the freshman college dorm at all hours of the day and night. But now it was the end of December, time for winter break.

You were sure most of the other freshmen had families that they went home to over the break, while you and only a few others wouldn’t be heading home this holiday. It’s not that you didn’t have a family, or that they didn’t love you, they were just… away, taking your younger brother with them. You weren’t sure what your sister was up to, only that she wasn’t coming home either. Honestly you were rarely sure what she was up to. She was the most social creature you had ever seen. Nevertheless, the family house stood empty, an hour away by car, leaving you to spend a winter alone in the middle of the city. Surrounded by millions of people at all times and yet lonely. What a life you lead. 

Let’s focus back on walking the abandoned halls. Although, not so abandoned, as you notice a person sitting at the table as you pass by the common area. You make awkward eye contact before moving on, descending the stairs to the lower level of the dorm, where you checked your mailbox (empty as always) and stepped outside of the building in order to walk a couple yards down to the cafeteria entrance in the same building. It was endlessly annoying how they closed off the indoors cafeteria entrance, forcing everyone to walk outside in order to obtain food. It was both parts blessing and curse, especially when it rained. Eating alone in the semi-empty cafeteria was certainly an experience, especially since the machine that made hot chocolate was still broken. Just in case, you try it as you pass by. Nothing but weird-smelling hot water.

It was the same routine three times a day. Go downstairs in your pajamas to eat a meal, go back upstairs to your room and wallow until your body alerts you that it’s time to eat again. Doing the bare minimum to keep your flesh machine functioning. 

It had only been three days since your roommates had left. Three days since finals had ended. And you were already spiraling. It couldn’t be helped, you supposed. Depression is funny like that. 

You barely remember trodding through the steps to make it back up to your room, but you do. You make it in, slowly shedding your outer layers until it’s just you in your pajamas, and then you climb into the beanbag under your bed and just curl up and cry. This had been going on for a while now. You were just, so depressed. You didn’t want to do anything and you didn’t have the energy to do anything and technically you could no nothing because there was no school but everyone had left and you were so lonely. For a moment, you pondered on what it would be like to have a friend, a single friend to spend the winter holiday with, but the thought just made you cry harder. 

After a couple hours, you manage to drag yourself out of the beanbag to go to the bathroom, and as you look at yourself in the mirror while washing your hands, you realize how shitty you looked. “I need some serotonin.” you said out loud. One of the benefits of having the dorm to yourself was that you could just say whatever you wanted… and there was no one there to hear you. That sometimes made the depression worse.

Shaking away the thoughts, you went back into your room and wrestled your computer onto your bed and hit play on the Beetlejuice soundtrack, which is your new hyperfixation of the month. Anything comforting that you could get your grubby, lonely hands on in this time of depression you took.

You stand in the middle of the room as Lydia sang her ballad, just feeling the music. For a moment you feel like crying again, only to be hit by emotional whiplash when The Whole Being Dead Thing starts up. You recover, shaking your head and starting to awkwardly dance along, mouthing the words and doing dramatic motions to accompany them.

By the time the soundtrack had reached the halfway point, you were full out singing every song. There was no one in the room anyway and if any of the people living near you heard, they couldn’t say anything, or at least you didn’t care. You needed that serotonin, dammit. 

You pause as Say My Name ends, out of breath from dancing and singing. You stand, heaving, as the dialogue at the beginning of Day-O starts playing. You grin, mouthing along to Delia’s lines and breaking out in song when the first “dayyyyyy-o” sounded. 

Daylight come and we want go home

You sing along at the top of your lungs, trying to imitate the jerky movements you had seen accompany this song in the Beetlejuice bootleg you found on tumblr. You absent-mindedly dance through all the dialogue, until-

“Beetlejuice!” you shout along with Lydia, climbing on top of your chair as the Beetlejuice in the recording went on.

“Beetlejuice!” you scream to the empty dorm, fueled by days of depression and sadness and the desperate need to have someone there, anyone at all so long as you weren’t lonely anymore.

“give me just one more.” from your computer. You gathered up all the air in your lungs and squeezed your eyes tight for one last, “BEETLEJUICE!” 

A swoosh and then the next line, “It’s showtime!” sounded like an echo.

You open your eyes as the soundtrack goes crazy and there, right in front of you, was Beetlejuice himself, in all his terrible striped suit and green haired glory. The only logical thing that occurred to your mind to do was scream and fall off the chair. Without taking your eyes off of him, you pause the music.

He grins at you. “Hey.”

“What the fuck.” you mutter. “Did…”

“Yeah, you summoned me here-”

“Can- How? I’m so confused. You’re real?”

“You know it babey.”

“Like…”

“Okay, let's not get into the specifics, I'm here and you summoned me, so what do you want me to do? Scare some people? Kill some people?”

“No!” you reach out for a second as if to physically stop him from just running outside and starting a killing spree. “Um… I need a second to process...” you wave a hand in his direction, “this.”

“No, yeah, sure I’ll just stand here and watch you. Cool space by the way.”

Does he ever slow down? You look around at the tiny dorm you called home. Half of it was your roommate’s so it was mostly empty of stuff except for the bed, and your side was decidedly messy. “Oh, yeah. I guess I have some cool posters of something.”

“Okay, so you good now? Can we get around to the reason you summoned me, cause I gotta tell you I got some other shit I gotta get to, so we gotta make this snappy.”

“Oh.” You wilt a bit, not wanting to let go of the only person you’d talked to in days. “Well I didn’t really mean to summon you-”

“Bullshit.” he scoffs. “Everyone means to do it, whether they know why or not.”

You squint, his comment already making you so much more tired then you already were. “Okay well to be fucking honest, I’m lonely as fuck because all my roommates left and so now I’m going to be spending the winter break in my dorm by myself and I’ve already started spiraling, so I was just trying to give my brain some seretonin when I accidentally summoned a fucking demon and honestly you’re the only human interaction I’ve had in days.” you finish, looking him dead in the eyes. He looked a bit surprised and you notice his hair had darkened a bit. “So there you go. Now you have full permission to just fuck off to wherever you want and leave me alone here to cry.”

You push past him and crawl back into the space under your bed, curling up in the beanbag with a blanket.

A moment’s pause and then, “Hey.”

You groan inwardly. Why hadn’t he left yet? Didn’t he have someplace better to be? He had already said as much. You glance up over your blanket and see the stinky rat man crouched down in front of your under-bed cave. “What?” It comes out a bit more bitter than you meant it to.

“You okay babes?”

You roll your eyes, ignoring the tears that immediately started threatening to overflow at the question. “Obviously not.”

Another pause and then, “What's wrong?”

“Did you not hear any of what I just said?” you sit up, finally meeting his eyes, and you notice his hair had become streaked with blue. “Mood ring hair.” you mutter.

“What?”

“Nothing. So why haven’t you left yet? Don’t you have some other, better, place to be?” you cross your arms.

“Well…” he stops crouching and sits down in front of you. “I was actually lying about all that.”

“...okay?” 

“Actually since you summoned me I can’t go away until you un-summon me.”

“Un-summon?”

“It’s this whole complicated process, involving-”

You cut him off. “I just have to say your time three times again, right?”

He froze and you knew you had gotten it correct. “No…”

“Your hair changes when you lie.” you nod to it.

He looks up and started messing with it, frantically trying to hide the streaks of yellow that had suddenly appeared. He looked so serious that you couldn’t help but let out a small laugh. He stops messing with his hair and looks at you and you immediately look away.

“So you know how to get me to leave, you can just-” he flails a bit, “and I'll be gone.”

You pull the blanket back over yourself and curl back up into a ball, letting out a muffled, “Okay.”

You could feel Beej’s eyes on you as the silence stretched longer.

“So… you gonna let me go or what?”

“I don’t know.” came the muffled reply. You pull the blanket down a bit so your mouth is free and continue. “On one hand, I'm incredibly lonely and depressed and I’m going to be basically alone for the entirety of the winter break, but on the other hand you’re weird and liable to kill someone at any given moment.”

He chuckles darkly. “You got that right, babes.”

You roll your eyes again and pull the blanket back up over your face. “I’m too depressed to make that decision. Or any decision for that matter.”

“Fine, I’ll make it for you.” he stands up, making a big fuss out of brushing his suit off. “I’m sticking around baby, and there’s nothing you can do about it!” and with that, he vanished with a pop.

You uncover your face and look around, but he was gone. “...what.”

[thevikinggoddess]

Life update: I almost died.

I took a medication, prescribed by my doctor.

She told me it would make me feel better, even though I told her I was fine.

But Ciara, you'd feel more energized, "normal", have optimal functioning. Plus your bloodwork shows a slight abnormality.

She's a specialist with years of experience, I should trust her. If anything, it'll make my bloodwork in the normal/optimal range and it'll make me feel proactive. Go ahead and try, what's the worst that could happen?

So I take it on valentines day. I feel very energized. I feel as if my focus has increased by 300%. The day continues. My energy still goes up, and up, and up. Woah... this is too much. I'm panicking.

My friend wants to watch a movie with me, I couldn't relax. I instead pace around the house with tears in my eyes. My heart is pounding, anxiety is increasing. Let's go bowling to take my mind off of it.

Day 2. I take it again. My doctor said I'll need this med for the rest of my life, so I must get used to it. I tell my friend that i feel as if I drank 8 cups of coffee. I am so hyper focused that my pupils are the size of needles. I go to the gym and felt as if i couldn't lift enough, run enough, etc. I'm speeding. I'm speeding hard. My thoughts and my heart were racing to the point where Ciara wasn't there anymore. It was just my body and it's responses. Anxiety induced IBS ensued. Sheer panic was running through my veins. This isn't me. This isn't normal. This isn't optimal. This is not okay.

Day 3. give it one more shot. I have to be getting used to this med by this point right? Nope. My personal hell continued again. My speediness then turned into confusion. I asked my friend about buildings I've seen for years. I tried to go to a movie and instead I was over stimulated and couldn't stop shaking in the seat. I got home, called my mom, and cried until my face was purple. I have never felt so manic in my whole life.

The speediness, anxiety, and panic continued for days. One day I crashed, and I've never experienced such fatigue in my life. Depression laid onto me. What goes up, must come down. I shit out all of my seretonin. I lost 10 pounds in a week. How do you eat when all your body is doing is being in fight or flight?

I spoke with a friend's mom who is a nurse, she told me I was in a thyroid storm. The medication was a thyroid hormone that I did not need. She said it could've been fatal. I was in a meth like overdose for three days. Today is the first day I feel 100% normal.

Hormones metabolize so slowly, especially when there is stress and anxiety present, and I was certain I fucked up my body from trying to help it...

Don't fix it if it ain't broken kids.

[chqnified]

Also favorite color and girl group. Please include reasons, I like reading

Favourite colour of mine is black, because I'm emo. Also black goes with everything outfit wise? My second favourite colour us blue, like a deep blue, i feel as though i feel a lot through that colour if that licks sense. Sadness and comfort, it makes me feel calmer too. Deep neon blue lights in the dark are *chef kiss*

My favourite girl group is Iz*one (I do love blackpink, itzy and IVE too though <3). I feel like the group had so much chemistry, it didn't feel fake either. They were incredibly funny together and there wasn't a member i disliked, every single one of them could make me laugh or smile. Iz*one best girls <33 i was heartbroken when they disbanded, however i truly do hope they are happy doing the activities they're now doing, for the ones that have re-debuted, they seem really happy, especially my baby yena🥺. I really hope that like rumours say, Chaewon and Sakura will debut together in a new gg, I've missed chaewon. To add on top of everything they were all incredibly talented, Yena's rapping I'm obsessed, Nako and Hitomi's vocals were beyond amazing and all their synchronisation with the dance- like weren't they the most in sync group to date? Saw that somewhere I'm pretty sure. The fandom (Wi*zone) felt extremely close, like man we were fighting for them to stay together, that the contract wouldn't end- it was a sentimental moment. Yeah idk, i just love this group so much. The fact they still see one another (pretty frequently too), shows that there was something genuine there.

Blackpink, my second all time favourite girl group. They give me so much nostalgia, they were the first kpop group i ever stanned, the reason i ultimately ended up finding skz and iz*one- so I'm grateful for that. There's not a song of theirs I'd say is bad, i do wish they had more comebacks ngl. I think they are incredibly talented too, lisa's dancing is top tier, Rosé's live vocals and guitar playing makes me feel soft and happy. Their blackpink house videos, although some of it felt artificial? Still made me love them more, i still feel like they all have a really good friendship. There's something about them, i can't describe, they just feel like an old home? If that makes sense? A place you used to love going to and you return there occasionally and just feel the feels yk?

Itzy were the second girl group i stanned, was honestly stunned by Yeji, her stage presence is quite something else. Then i fell for Ryujin the minute i saw her, so that was pretty much it. Itzy in my opinion, has the best stage presence out of all girl groups I've seen. Chaeryeong's personality, she has me crying sometimes man, one of the most genuine idols out there? And also one of the most lovely idols out there. She feels like a friend. I don't understand how anyone hates on her. Yuna, savage, i love her sense of humour. Lia, she's so precious. Back to ryujin, unapologetic, if she thinks a girl is cute or hot she will outright say it- throw back to when she said she only went for jyp audition because she thought the manager woman was cute so she let her have her phone number 😭 i feel like they are very close, and you can actually see that. Their MAMA 2021 performance was just wow.

IVE, the most recent group I've stanned, containing two ex Iz*one members, Yujin and Wonyoung. I obviously love those two, however the other members have made the group special too. At the moment my bias is Rei, her rapping is amazing, I genuinely hope Starship Entertainment will include her lyrics in future songs- her rap flow just seems so good??? Liz, when i think of her, i see her smiling, she's like the living version of seretonin, she makes me smile. Their debut song and B side? Were really good too. They haven't been together long, but I hope that they continue to have the same lovely vibe about them. I really hope they can stay authentic, especially Rei and Liz, they both give me the most genuine vibes and yeah i love them.

That was some real randomness kind of bunched up into sentences- anyhow. I could literally talk about my favourite groups for hours on end, honestly. Also i know i have repeatedly said they seem genuinely close, however, there are many many groups that look like they are just acquaintances or just there yk?