#it starts with little choices and better habits like not clicking on the thing even though you want to click on the thing

[anachrosims]

TBH I’m really weary of this “purity culture” stuff. People have sex, get over it. Learn to curate your online experience instead of shrieking at people about daring to discuss mutually consenting adults gettin freaky or producing fan content that’s NSFW. As long as that shit is tagged as appropriate, the burden is on YOU not to go looking for it.

I completely understand the ones who are concerned about fan content that glorifies toxic/ab*sive/exceptionally triggering behavior though. I do understand that. HOWEVER, it helps absolutely NO ONE to police what fans produce--the real goal we should be having is creating fandom spaces that help provide SAFE and PROFESSIONAL resources for fans who might need help dealing with certain issues, or to help acquaint people with safe sex practices and other safe, good online resources they might not get anywhere else in their life.

EDIT: The best you can do with the above is to quietly reach out to someone about whatever it is they’ve posted or written or drawn and just fucking talk to them about it. They might flip out at you and go nuts, but that’s what block functions are for. Just say, “hey, I saw (post) and I feel it may be harmful to post that because (reasons)” and if they don’t respond well? LET IT GO. Just say “thank you, I just wanted to reach out, but I’m sorry to have bothered you.” Some people are going to be wild shitheels because they have baggage and we can’t expect to control that.

I hate toxic shippers just as much as the next person, but as someone in her mid-30s--and I hope the older folks agree with me--it serves nothing and nobody to thump folks over the head with holier-than-thou callouts. Newsflash: That shit makes you just as toxic and it only alienates people further. What you need to be doing is providing better messages that help fans, old and young alike, to come to understand what healthy communication and behavior look like--to help support fans in times of need--and to foster COMMUNITY in GOOD FAITH.

And for those who are worried about the genuine creeps hiding with us? I guarantee you, the healthier a community is, the more supportive and communicative and compassionate we are with each other? The less spaces those creeps have to hide.

Learn to curate your online experience. Treat each other with respect and dignity in good faith to the best of your ability. Help others in need. Get in the habit of reaching out to people and engaging with them when you’re able. And learn to stay in your lane, because while your experience matters, it’s not the only one that does.

[maochira]

Lies and guilt.

Tags/notes: gn!Ego's kid!reader, reader is a teenager, a little angsty, hurt/comfort but it ends with hurt, canonically Ego is too young to have a teenage kid so he's a bit older in this

Synopsis: You live in the Blue Lock facility along with Ego and Anri, but it gets boring sometimes. That's why you started sneaking out to where the Blue Lock players are. But one evening, you get injured and there's no other choice than to tell your father the truth.

Requests open! - dad!Ego masterlist - regular masterlist

You've always been a good child who never got into trouble, so lying to your father and hiding something from him is extremely out of place in your behaviour. When you first started sneaking into the players' area, you promised yourself it would be a one-time thing. A one-time thing you'd immediately forget about afterwards.

But then it happened again. And again. And now it's a regular thing. At least twice a week you find yourself on one of the training fields with some of the Blue Lock players.

There might be cameras in most places, but you know where there are none and when your father isn't watching. Usually, it's late at night or very early in the morning.

You're not proud of it and there's always a bit of guilt inside you when Ego praises you for being such a good child, but there's no way you could tell him the truth. You've done it way too many times to save yourself from his disappointment and anger. And yet, you keep repeating it. Really, what has gotten into you?

Maybe it's the loneliness of living in the Blue Lock facility. Shortly before Blue Lock began, you were kicked out of your soccer team because your coach wasn't okay with you following your father's egotistical approach to soccer.

Seeing all these players with the same approach and knowing how close they're to you, made you want to meet them. And you gave in to that urge, over and over.

You didn't know for how long you'd be able to keep hiding this from Ego before you break down and admit you haven't been the good kid he still sees you as.

Today's evening went like any other. You went to meet some of the Blue Lock players you've become friends with and played a bit with them. You would have definitely stayed longer, but the ball hit your face and your nose started bleeding. In a regular match or practice, that wouldn't have bothered you. But something in the moment when the ball hit your face, something clicked in your brain.

Sure, accidents happen during soccer. You've certainly had your fair share of minor injuries in the past. But for some reason, getting injured from playing soccer behind your father's back made all the guilt you've been bottling up return.

Your plan was to go to your bathroom, clean yourself up and then go to sleep. You planned to tell Ego the truth tomorrow, since you believed he'd be asleep.

But just as you're walking through the hallway, you hear Ego leave his office.

"(Y/N)?" He looks at you and his eyes widen when he sees your sleeve, which you had previously used to wipe away your blood. "Are you okay?"

And that's the moment you realize you really have to tell him the truth right now. If he hadn't seen you like this, you probably would have pushed it back even more instead of doing it tomorrow.

After you don't answer, Ego walks closer to you. "Your nose is bleeding." His voice is stern as always, but there's worry in it too. "(Y/N)-chan, what happened?" He gently grabs your chin and raises your head, so he can get a better look at you.

Ego rarely calls you "(Y/N)-chan", he only does it whenever he's worried about you. It's a habit that stuck with him from when you were younger.

You take a deep breath before you start speaking. "Dad, I'm so sorry..."

Ego wonders why you would apologize right now, but he doesn't answer yet. He wants you to explain first.

"I sneaked into the players' area and-" You start, but Ego already interrupts you.

"You did what?" His voice sounds stricter than before. "Why would you do that?"

You want to explain yourself. You want to tell him how lonely you feel all the time. You want to tell him how you never played with someone who has the same soccer ideology as you until now.

But the words don't come out of your mouth.

Ego lets out a frustrated sigh when he realizes you're not going to answer. "Clean yourself up, then meet me in my office. We need to have a serious talk about this."

As your father walks away, you turn around and go over to the bathroom. You hate the current sight of yourself in the mirror. There's still blood on your face, it dripped from your nose down your lip. But fortunately, the bleeding has stopped by now.

You're hesitant about entering your father's office, but it's something you know you can't run away from now. You've already told him what you did. By now, you've calmed down a little, so you're sure you can manage to explain yourself now. But still, you know Ego is going to be incredibly disappointed in you.

You carefully open the door and enter your father's office. He's sitting on his chair, turning his head to you when you walk in. He doesn't speak yet, even after you sit down on the chair in front of his, it takes a few more moments until he says something.

"I can't believe you would do anything behind my back. Especially something like this. Are you even aware of the consequences?"

"I am, but it was just an accident. I've gotten injured in soccer before. It doesn't hurt anymore either, I promise I'm fine."

"That is not what I'm talking about." Ego gets even more frustrated. "You really didn't think this through properly, did you? You could have interfered with the project. You could have ruined it. The players aren't supposed to meet anyone from the outside, especially not you."

As if your guilt about lying wasn't already enough, now the guilt of knowing you could have ruined your father's dream makes you feel even worse.

"I'm really sorry, dad." You attempt to apologize. "I just-"

Ego ignores your apology and simply continues talking. "If you want to play soccer again, we can look for a new team you can join. But in no circumstances are you ever playing with any of the Blue Lock players again."

"...What if I wanted to join Blue Lock?"

Ego sighs and adjusts his glasses. "We already talked about that before Blue Lock started. You're not joining. I'm not letting you ruin your soccer career with this."

"So you think I'll lose because I'm not good enough?"

"You are more than good enough, (Y/N). But Blue Lock isn't fair. Even the greatest players can lose. Besides, not only is it too late to join anyways, you know I have another way planned for you. And that doesn't include you joining Blue Lock."

"But dad-"

"(Y/N), stop it. I'm not saying this as the director of Blue Lock, I'm saying this as your father. You do not belong in there." Ego places a hand on your shoulder and softens his voice a little bit. "I couldn't stand seeing you in there. I couldn't stand seeing you ruin your career like that. Do you understand?"

You hate to admit it, but you know Blue Lock is a place you'd never fit into, despite you being raised with the same egotistical ideology towards soccer.

"Besides, if you were in there, it would be unfair for everyone else. You're my child and even if I tried not to, I'd have some personal biases about you."

"I know, you're right," You admit, avoiding eye contact for a moment. "I just wanted to play soccer with someone who plays it in the same way as I do."

"I understand your reasons, but that doesn't make what you did okay. But it was a one-time thing and nothing really bad happened, so I'm not mad at you."

The pressure of the guilt returns. It makes tears form in your eyes that you can't stop from rolling down your cheeks.

"I-It wasn't a one-time thing..." You stare at the floor as you confess the truth. "I started that when... I think when the second selection began."

Ego uses the hand that previously rested on your shoulder to grab your chin, forcing you to look at him again.

"That was weeks ago." His voice returned to a cold tone. "How often did you sneak in there? How could you hide something like this from me for so long?"

"Twice a week. But it was never for a long time. Never more than an hour."

Ego takes a deep breath and is about to answer, but then he closes his mouth again to rethink what he's going to say. It's obvious that he's not only disappointed but also very angry.

"We're done talking for tonight." Ego gets up from his chair. "I refuse to let my anger out on my child. We'll continue this conversation tomorrow. I need some time to think."

Before you get to answer, Ego exits the room, leaving you all alone in there.

All alone with your guilt.

[sicknessbysalem]

WAIT LEX LEARNED HOW TO MAKE HOMEMADE GLUTEN FREE PASTA FOR SOREN?? 😭😭😭 oh to be loved that much 😭 but that makes me so curious (im not the anon from @lisupandowntown ‘s blog but i too live for celiac rep and other chronic illnesses in whump which tbh is why i love your blog so much but anyway!). Would you be interested in writing a fic with Soren getting something cross contaminated or maybe before lex knows that gluten is an issue? Whatever works for the lore but I would love to see how Soren’s affects him and also im a total sucker for lex’s caretaking style.

hi nonny!

i was in a writing mood so i figured i would knock this out too!

once again, i can only write celiac from my own personal experiences with it. like i said in the previous, this is my personal experience and everyone is different!

looking at their lore i cant really write lex accidentally messing up the food he cooks for soren in that way. lex didn’t really start cooking until after rehab and by then he knew soren couldn’t have gluten so he learned to make gluten free things (fun fact: when lex cooks he does his best to make it not just gluten free but other allergen free because he has food sensitivities too and its just easier on his stomach to be mindful of that)

also despite knowing both their respective issues, when lex and soren are on tour they really don’t pay attention to what they eat. they’re stupid, end of discussion.

if you have any more requests, questions, comments, etc., send them my way!

tw emeto, nausea, serious stomach pain, bad food decisions, obligatory ‘lex and soren are dumbasses’ warning

It was one of those evenings where the exhaustion seeped into the marrow of their bones, making every simple task feel like a Herculean effort. The hotel room smelled faintly of damp linens and stale air conditioning, but Lex and Soren were too tired to care. Their day had been grueling—press, rehearsals, and an acoustic set crammed into the same 24-hour cycle, leaving little room to breathe, let alone eat.

Soren was sprawled on the couch, his ash blond hair sticking to his temples in damp strands, one arm draped across his eyes. Lex sat cross-legged on the floor, his back leaning against the coffee table as he stared at his phone, scrolling through the endless list of takeout options. They’d both waved off the idea of going out for dinner as laughable; even standing seemed like an exercise in cruelty.

“You’re gonna have to pick something, or we’ll both starve,” Soren muttered without moving, his voice muffled under the weight of his fatigue.

“I’m trying,” Lex replied, his tone laced with mock exasperation. His dark hair was tied in a loose, messy knot at the nape of his neck, a few strands falling into his eyes as he studied the screen. “Everything either takes too long or sounds awful.”

“Pizza, then,” Soren offered, shifting slightly so he could peek at Lex from beneath his arm.

Lex snorted. “Bold choice, mate. You think that’s our best bet?”

“It’ll get here fast, and I don’t have to chew much,” Soren countered, his lips twitching into a faint smile.

Lex sighed but relented, placing the order through a local joint that promised delivery within thirty minutes. He clicked the gluten-free crust option for Soren out of habit, double and triple checking to make sure it went through, even adding an order note to make sure.

When the confirmation pinged back, he tossed his phone onto the couch beside Soren and leaned his head back against the table, letting his eyes close.

The knock at the door came twenty-five minutes later, startling Lex out of the light doze he hadn’t realized he’d slipped into. He shuffled to his feet, cursing softly at the stiffness in his knees, and retrieved the pizza. The smell was comforting in a primal, greasy sort of way, and by the time he set the box on the low coffee table, Soren had managed to sit up, albeit slowly.

“Smells better than I expected,” Soren murmured as Lex handed him a plate. He took a slice without much thought, too tired to inspect it beyond a cursory glance, and started eating. Lex followed suit, his hunger overpowering his usual habit of chewing slowly to stave off nausea.

They ate in companionable silence, the TV playing some mindless sitcom in the background. For a while, everything felt manageable—the weight of the day lifting slightly as the pizza filled the void in their stomachs. But as they polished off the last slices and leaned back, exhaustion sinking in anew, Soren began to shift uncomfortably.

It started with a faint grimace, his hand drifting absently to his stomach. Lex, ever observant, noticed immediately but didn’t comment. He watched as Soren adjusted his position on the couch, his movements growing more restless by the second.

“You good?” Lex asked finally, setting his plate aside.

Soren hesitated, his brows knitting together. “I don’t know. Feels… off.”

Lex straightened, a thread of concern tightening in his chest. “Off how?”

Soren exhaled sharply, leaning forward and pressing both hands against his stomach. “Like—ugh—cramping. Maybe worse.”

It hit Lex like a punch to the gut. He glanced at the empty pizza box and swore under his breath. “Shit. The crust.”

Soren’s eyes widened, realization dawning too late. “You didn’t—?”

“I thought I did,” Lex said quickly, guilt flashing across his face. “I swear I checked, but—”

Soren waved him off, though his expression was tight with discomfort. “Not your fault. Just—” He cut off, clenching his jaw as another wave of pain hit.

Within minutes, Soren’s condition deteriorated. The cramps worsened, sharp and relentless, and his skin turned a sickly shade of pale. Lex moved without hesitation, clearing the coffee table and crouching in front of Soren, one hand braced on his knee.

“Bathroom,” Lex said firmly, his voice steady despite the rising panic in his chest.

Soren shook his head. “Not—don’t think I can move yet.”

“Then we wait,” Lex replied, his tone leaving no room for argument. He grabbed a water bottle from the mini-fridge and set it beside Soren, then gently pulled a trash can closer, just in case.

Soren groaned, curling slightly in on himself. “Hurts,” he muttered through gritted teeth.

“I know, love,” Lex murmured, his voice softening. He reached out, his fingers brushing against Soren’s temple to sweep the damp hair from his face. The touch was light, almost reverent, a silent reassurance.

Soren leaned into the contact despite himself, his breath hitching as another wave of nausea rolled through him.

The first heave came suddenly, wracking Soren’s body and forcing him to lurch forward. Lex was there in an instant, steadying him with one hand on his back while the other held the trash can in place.

“It’s alright,” Lex said quietly, his voice calm and measured. “Just let it out. You’ll feel better.”

Soren gagged again, his face contorting as his stomach rebelled. Lex stayed close, his touch unwavering, his presence grounding. He murmured reassurances between each heave, his words a balm against the discomfort.

When it was over, Soren slumped back against the couch, utterly spent. Lex handed him the water bottle, watching as he took small, tentative sips.

“You’re gonna be alright,” Lex said softly, his dark eyes filled with quiet determination. “We’ll ride it out, yeah? Together.”

Soren managed a weak nod, his gratitude unspoken but understood. As the night stretched on, Lex stayed by his side, a constant source of care and comfort. And though exhaustion weighed heavily on them both, neither seemed to mind—it was simply what they did for each other, no questions asked.

As the minutes dragged into an hour, the discomfort gnawing at Soren’s gut seemed only to intensify. The cramps didn’t subside but instead deepened into a sharp, twisting pain that made him curl further into himself. He had slid down the couch until he was nearly horizontal, one hand clutching his abdomen while the other gripped the edge of the cushion with white-knuckled desperation.

Lex, ever watchful, sat cross-legged on the floor beside him, resting his arms on the couch. His sharp, dark eyes tracked every flicker of discomfort that crossed Soren’s face, cataloging every shallow breath and strained exhale.

“You’re still cramping bad?” Lex asked softly, though he already knew the answer.

Soren didn’t respond immediately, his lips pressed into a tight line. After a moment, he nodded weakly, his head barely lifting from the pillow.

“Alright,” Lex murmured, his voice calm but edged with quiet resolve. He pushed himself up and moved toward the kitchenette tucked into the corner of their hotel suite. Rummaging through the drawers, he grabbed a clean dish towel, ran it under hot water, and wrung it out. He folded the steaming cloth neatly before heading back to Soren.

Kneeling beside him again, Lex gently pressed the makeshift compress against Soren’s abdomen, his movements careful and deliberate. Soren tensed slightly at first, but as the heat seeped into his skin, his body began to relax by small degrees.

“Better?” Lex asked, tilting his head.

Soren let out a low, shaky breath. “A little,” he rasped, though his voice was strained.

It wasn’t long before the nausea returned in force, clawing its way up from Soren’s churning stomach. He grimaced, turning his head away as if willing the sensation to pass. Lex noticed immediately, the subtle clench of Soren’s jaw and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.

“Still feeling sick?” Lex asked gently.

Soren didn’t answer, but the way his breathing grew uneven was all the confirmation Lex needed. Without a word, Lex reached for the trash can he’d left nearby, setting it beside Soren with quiet efficiency.

“Hey,” Lex said, his voice soft but firm as he crouched closer. “Don’t fight it if it’s gonna happen. You’ll feel better.”

Soren shook his head weakly, his expression tense with discomfort. But his body betrayed him, and moments later, his stomach lurched violently. Lex was ready, his hand steadying the trash can as the first heave wracked Soren’s frame.

The next several minutes were an unrelenting cycle of retching and dry heaving, the sound harsh and painful in the quiet room. Soren clutched his abdomen, his knuckles white as the cramps intensified with each bout.

Lex stayed right beside him, one hand resting on Soren’s back while the other kept the trash can in place. He murmured soft reassurances between each heave, his voice a steady anchor against the storm of Soren’s misery.

“You’re alright,” Lex said quietly, his hand rubbing gentle circles between Soren’s shoulder blades. “I’ve got you.”

When the episode finally eased, leaving Soren pale and trembling, Lex handed him the water bottle again. “Just a sip,” Lex instructed, watching carefully as Soren complied.

Soren’s hands shook as he brought the bottle to his lips, but Lex steadied him, his touch light but grounding. After a few small sips, Soren sank back against the couch, his breathing shallow and uneven.

The night wore on, and the flare showed no signs of relenting. The cramps continued in relentless waves, and the nausea came and went, leaving Soren too weak to sit up for long. Lex refused to leave his side, moving only to fetch more supplies—a fresh towel, a glass of cool water, or a clean shirt when Soren’s sweat-soaked one became unbearable.

When Soren shifted restlessly, trying to find a position that eased the pain, Lex was quick to adjust the pillows behind him, propping him up just enough to breathe easier. He sat close, his presence a quiet reassurance, and occasionally reached out to brush damp strands of hair from Soren’s flushed face.

Hours later, as the worst of the vomiting finally passed, Soren lay exhausted and hollowed out, his head resting against Lex’s thigh. The cramps persisted, though less sharply now, leaving him groaning softly as he clutched his stomach.

Lex sat cross-legged on the couch, his hand resting lightly on Soren’s shoulder. He had abandoned his own discomfort long ago, he’d been nauseous earlier but after sneaking a dose of anti-nausea medicine while he was grabbing water for Soren he’d started to be able to at least ignore it, his entire focus honed on making Soren as comfortable as possible.

“You’re a terrible patient, you know that?” Lex said quietly, a wry smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

Soren huffed a weak laugh, his eyes fluttering open just enough to meet Lex’s gaze. “You’re a worse nurse,” he croaked, though the faint smile on his lips betrayed his gratitude.

“Yeah, yeah,” Lex muttered, his tone fond. He adjusted the towel on Soren’s stomach, his touch gentle but sure. “Just let me know when you’re ready to get some actual sleep. I’ll sit with you as long as you need.”

Soren didn’t respond, but the way his breathing evened out a little told Lex that, for now, he was doing enough. And as the night stretched into early morning, Lex stayed by his side, watching over him with quiet, unwavering care.

The night had grown eerily quiet, save for the faint hum of the hotel air conditioning. The stillness magnified every sound in the room—Soren’s uneven breathing, the faint rustle of the towel Lex adjusted on his stomach, the creak of the couch cushions as Soren shifted in a futile attempt to ease the pain radiating through his abdomen.

Lex hadn’t moved far since Soren had laid his head against his thigh, his fingers resting lightly in the ash-blond strands damp with sweat. He carded his fingers through Soren’s hair absentmindedly, an act both soothing and grounding—for Soren, but also for himself.

Watching Soren writhe in discomfort ignited a helplessness that settled heavily in Lex’s chest, a sensation he’d learned to mask with quiet action.

Soren groaned softly, his eyes squeezed shut as another cramp twisted through his gut. His hands instinctively pressed against his abdomen, his fingers curling against the towel Lex had placed there earlier.

“Still bad?” Lex asked softly, his voice low, careful not to disturb the fragile calm they’d managed to maintain.

Soren nodded faintly, too drained to respond with words. The faint tremor in his hand as he gripped the towel was all the confirmation Lex needed. He adjusted his position carefully, sliding out from beneath Soren’s head and replacing his thigh with a pillow.

“Stay put, yeah?” Lex murmured, leaning down to brush a sweat-slicked strand of hair away from Soren’s temple. “I’ll be right back.”

Soren blinked groggily, his expression laced with unease as Lex stepped away. “Don’t… leave,” he mumbled, his voice hoarse.

Lex crouched back down, his hand cupping Soren’s cheek lightly, his thumb brushing against the pale skin. “Not leaving,” he promised, his gaze steady. “Just getting you a fresh towel. Be back in two seconds.”

The kitchenette was a dimly lit corner of the room, and Lex worked quickly, dampening another towel with warm water and wringing it out. He folded it neatly, pausing to grab a bottle of ginger ale from the mini-fridge and a packet of saltine crackers. He wasn’t sure if Soren would be able to stomach anything yet, but it was worth a try.

When he returned, Soren’s eyes were closed, his breathing shallow but labored. Lex set the supplies down on the coffee table and knelt beside him again, replacing the now-cool towel on Soren’s stomach with the warm one.

“Here,” Lex said softly, adjusting the new towel so it rested snugly against Soren’s abdomen. “This should help a bit.”

“Where’d you learn that…” Soren asked softly.

“Ksenia, when she’s on her period, she’s usually in a lot of pain,” Lex shrugged, “She’s told me it helps. Much like I want to help her not suffer, I definitely don’t want you to suffer. I thought it was worth a try.”

Soren let out a shaky breath, his lips parting in what might’ve been a whisper of thanks. Lex leaned back, his gaze scanning Soren’s face for any signs of worsening discomfort. His pale skin was flushed with exhaustion, and the dark circles under his eyes seemed more pronounced in the faint light.

A sudden, sharp intake of breath broke the fragile calm, and Soren lurched forward, his arms wrapping protectively around his stomach as his body heaved. Lex moved instantly, grabbing the trash can and sliding it into place just as Soren retched. The sound was harsh, guttural, and it sent a pang through Lex’s chest.

“It’s alright,” Lex said gently, one hand steadying the trash can while the other rubbed soothing circles on Soren’s back. “Let it out, love. I’ve got you.”

Soren gagged again, his body trembling with the force of it. The retching came in relentless waves, his stomach rejecting what little it had left. Lex stayed close, his touch constant, his presence grounding.

When the worst of it subsided, leaving Soren slumped against the couch, Lex handed him the water bottle. “Small sips,” he instructed, his tone soft but firm.

Soren obeyed, his hand trembling as he lifted the bottle to his lips. He took a sip, then another, his breathing gradually evening out. Lex watched him closely, his dark eyes scanning for any sign of another wave coming on.

“Think you’re done?” Lex asked quietly, setting the trash can aside.

Soren shook his head faintly. “I don’t know,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Lex sighed softly, his fingers brushing against Soren’s clammy forehead. “Alright,” he murmured. “Let’s ride it out, yeah? No rush.”

He shifted, settling himself on the floor beside Soren and leaning his back against the couch. He rested his arm on the cushion near Soren’s head, his fingers brushing lightly against Soren’s hair.

“You’re a stubborn one, you know that?” Lex said softly, a faint smirk tugging at his lips before placing a quick kiss on Soren’s forehead, “Won’t let me take care of you unless you’re literally falling apart.”

Soren huffed weakly, the corners of his lips twitching in the barest hint of a smile. “Don’t need… much,” he mumbled, though the exhaustion in his voice betrayed him.

“Yeah, sure,” Lex replied dryly, his tone light but tinged with affection. “That’s why you’re half-passed out and miserable right now.”

Soren didn’t have the energy to argue, and Lex didn’t press. Instead, he focused on keeping him comfortable—adjusting the towel, wiping his face with a different damp cloth, and murmuring quiet reassurances whenever the nausea resurfaced.

As the hours stretched on, the pain in Soren’s abdomen began to ease, though the nausea lingered stubbornly. He remained curled up on the couch, his head resting against Lex’s arm as they waited for the worst to pass. Lex stayed close, his presence a quiet but unwavering comfort, his every action laced with care and intention.

By the time dawn crept through the edges of the blackout curtains, Soren’s breathing had evened out, and the tension in his body had softened. Lex leaned back, his eyes heavy with exhaustion but unwilling to close. He watched Soren’s chest rise and fall, a quiet relief settling over him.

“Better?” Lex asked softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

Soren nodded faintly, his lips curving into a tired but grateful smile. “Thanks,” he murmured, his voice hoarse but sincere.

Lex smiled back, his hand brushing gently against Soren’s temple. “Always, mate,” he replied, his voice low and steady. “Always.”

[bunnyfern]

Groove Salad

Chapter 4

˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

I knew I had a competitive bone in my body, but I didn’t think it was that bad. 

After three hours of playing jenga and winning one single game, I was over it. How does one person even properly win at that? It’s stupid. So we moved on to uno. That was fun, most of the games ended in someone throwing cards at one another. Or hoarding the cards until the untimely demise of using a plus 4. Which caused more throwing of cards then losing some of them. Then spending a few minutes finding them and shuffling for another round. 

Seven times, I lost seven times...“I hate this game.” Tossing basically half the deck back on the table. Larry laughed at my defeat, “You suck ass.” Isaac agreed, hurling his own cards in the middle. “You guys are cheating,” squinting my eyes, “I know it.” Crossing my arms as they scoffed, mocking me for being a sore loser. “Its uno, of course we fucking cheat.” Isaac admitted, making me gasp from shock, very overdramatically. Clutching my chest for extra effect that gained more laughs from them. 

They started to gather the cards and shuffle as I took my phone out. I don't clean out my messages as often as other people do. Another way of hoarding and clinging on to past years I suppose. My mother has- or had?- an embarrassing hoarding problem, passing it down to me in different ways. Turning the screen on and clicking on my messages, most of the conversations being from one of the guys. 

Except for the one at the very bottom, no contact picture and from years ago. I was the last one who sent the message. 

She'll want to know. Right? Biting my lip out of a nervous habit, and whenever I zone out. Which is what I’m doing right now. 

Psyching myself out with each thought and argument along with it. I mean, would there be a point in even letting her know? It'll just end up with her saying that she hopes I'll 'feel better' and that's it.

The conversation would end.

No follow ups or even a hint of care. Just dismissive of the blood we share. If she even sends something back, god, it might be worse if she looks at it and chooses not to respond. That'll really cement the fact that she doesn't ever want to see me again. 

“-gonna play?” I snap out of it, clearly confused about what's happening. Nick asked again, “You gonna play another round?” Oh...yea. I forgot where I was for a second. “Uh, nah. I’ma skip this one.” He took a second before shrugging, passing out the right amount of cards. They began playing and I watched, more like zoned out, while my thoughts ran wild. 

I couldn’t help it, everything in me wanted to send the message, to see how she’s doing. To actually see her. But the anxious jumbled feeling of embarrassment, disappointment and nerves got to me, telling me not to even try. Cause really, I am still her little sister, wanting attention after I get hurt. Will that really make her want to talk to me again? Or add to the growing resentment? 

It’s been a few hours since we got here, the mold on the couch was starting to remember me. The only thing in the house that knew me. Even though I was friends with them and came over maybe thousands of times, I barely knew the place. Never went into any of their rooms before, only getting a glimpse of it when they record or live stream. A few times I wonder how much of a friend they think of me as. If they like me enough to show me something that personal. But I have no room to talk since none of them have been to my apartment yet. 

Well, not anymore. Isaac’s been there. And not because he wanted to, but because he needed to watch over me, so he didn’t necessarily have a choice. I glanced over at him, watching his eyes flicker between the cards in his hand and on the table. It’s hard to know what he’s thinking. And I so desperately want to know what he’s thinking about. I want him to know what I’m thinking about. That I’m thinking about…I’m actually not sure what. 

This stupid injury is the only thing that’s been in the front of my mind. And my sister. Then it would get clouded with, well, him. 

I really should tell her, she might actually respond. For once. Turning my doubts into optimism. For once. 

My phone was still in my hand, feeling light as I forgot about it. Bringing the heaviness back once I lifted it back up to type. I could so easily make our message reach the top of the screen again but it was hard to even open it. The idea of looking back on the old convos makes me sick. Reaching out to her made me feel sick. I didn’t know why it twisted that deep. Has it really been that long that I can’t just act like no time has passed between us? 

Would it be considered stupid or smart to act like it was just yesterday that I talked to her? Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, maybe she’ll be happy that I sent a message wanting to talk to her. Letting her know how life’s been, which admittedly, hasn’t been going so well lately. If the injury and my weird desired feelings are anything to go by. 

Sweat trickled down my neck, god I have a problem. Simply clicking on her contact and typing, then retyping, retyping once more, and staring at it. 'it's been a while, hey.' Getting startled from three yelling out complaints after Nick won the round, who was proudly laughing at the two losers. 

“I’m done playing, I’m getting hungry.” Larry stood up and went to the kitchen to look around in the fridge. “What about you?” Isaac asked me, getting up himself and waiting for me to answer. I wanted to lie, I didn’t really want to eat in front of them, but my stomach betrayed me, rumbling loud enough for him to hear. “Kinda.” I meekly muttered. 

Nick was the only one who bothered to clean up, asking them to make him something since he won. Clearly taking his win humbly. I rolled my eyes and looked back at the screen. The longer I waited to send the message, the more I was chickening out and I didn’t want to. The thought of talking to her again made me queasy. In a good way...in a sense. 

So instead of freaking out over it and cause a scene, I sent the simplest thing of ‘hey’ and flung it under my thigh. Heart beating through my chest loud enough they could probably hear it too all the way in the kitchen. 

Nick noticed the sudden jolt of movement but didn’t say a word. Waiting for his sandwich and clearing off the table for the others. “What kind of sandwich do you want?” Larry asked me, knowing Nick's without asking. Hesitating on wanting to eat anything, “I'm fine,” looking over my shoulder, “I'll probably have something later.” 

Like when I leave, whenever that is. Mulling it over. 

Isaac glanced back, concerned about why I changed my mind so quickly. “I thought you were hungry? ” Poking his head in the fridge to find something else to put on his sandwich. I rubbed my sweaty palms on the shorts fabric, “Eh, not much. I can wait.” Nick went to grab a drink, “What ? You don’t wanna eat with us?” He teased, “We won’t make a mess or steal your food if that’s what you’re worried about.” 

“I don’t care about that,” Rolling my eyes, “Well, kinda. But no.” I fiddled with my ring and tried to put the reason into…nice? words, or at least something that wouldn’t offend them. “It’s just like, a pet peeve of mine when I can hear someone chew.” Larry bursted out laughing, agreeing and throwing the others under the bus at the same time. “It pisses me off when they do that, especially when Nick does it.” Giggling and waiting for him to fight back.

Which he did, pushing the blame on Tanner instead. I tuned them out. They really get as loud as they can and I wasn’t used to it. More familiar with one person screaming their issues and self deprecated worries instead of their playful upbeat tone. They really were like children in these kinds of situations, it was sweet. But also so annoying. 

I didn’t even realize that Isaac snuck up behind me. “Then does that mean you're fine with my chewing?” Smirking and eyeing me down, I fumbled at laughing normally. “Huh?” There was no reason I should've been getting flustered by that. It's a stupid question, yet I paid attention to it. 

“Or were you distracted cause you needed to finish your cosplay stuff?” Going back towards the kitchen to munch on his food. “You cosplay?” Nick asked, seemingly done with, or putting it on hold, arguing with Larry. “Yooo, who do you dress as?” Larry leaped closer as I corrected them. “I make cosplay props. I don’t dress up, usually.” The two started to bombard me with questions on what I make, wondering if I could make them something as well. Asking to come over and see it themselves. 

I wanted to die in a hole, the heat on my face was easy enough for them to know my embarrassment. “I don't know,” tilting away from their looks, “Maybe next time…I'll think about it.” Hearing their rambling of ok’s and excitement. Obviously I wasn't used to getting that sort of attention for something I do. 

Isaac leaned on the couch, the side I was trying to keep my face hidden. “Then what about a snack? I think we have some fruit if you want that instead.” He wasn't going to quit, and I wasn't either. Our stubborn sides showing through. But I couldn't help it, the way he smiled at me, like he was actually worried about me. And this time I think I was ok with that so I folded. 

Why does he have to look so cute? I bit the inside of my cheek, squishing down the flutter in my stomach just from him looking at me. “I guess.” Giving in, huffing at how easy it was for him to convince me. 

“So what else are you guys doing today?” Asking the three so I can figure out when I'm able to leave. “I have to edit the video and I don't know how long that'll take,” Nick scratched his head, thinking about the others' schedules, “So I'm not able to go back with you tonight.” I blinked, unsure of what I heard, “Go back where?” 

Footsteps were heard, revealing a hyper Tanner like usual. “You guys are eating without me? Lame.” Dragging it out and pouting. 

“To your place,” Nick finished his sandwich, “I don’t want you to be alone.” His insistence was getting on my nerves so I went back to arguing, or compromising, with Nick. And Isaac who was about to chime in when he handed me some fruit. “I'll be fine tonight. If anything happens then I'll call. You don't need to babysit me.” 

“We're not ‘babysitting’.” Nick got up to throw his plate away. “It's just..” He tried to find words that didn't make it seem like they didn't trust me alone. A toddler who couldn’t walk yet and just crawled around on the floor. Which I guess are my only capabilities right now. 

I rolled my eyes, “It's just you don't trust me and think I'm gonna break my other leg or something, from like, slipping on a banana peel.” 

Isaac chuckled at the comment but I wasn't sure about Nick, his back was facing me. Maybe it wasn’t a good time to humor my way out of this. “Look,” Reiterating my point, “If I need something then I'll call one of you guys. Nothing bad will happen in one night.” I rubbed my eyes, afraid of getting any more heated in the conversation. Shoving the cold fruit in my mouth to distract from the sting in my eyes and the bubbling forming in my throat. 

Isaac hesitated to say his own thoughts and looked to Nick. They shared the same look of worry but didn’t say anything out loud, wanting to discuss this on their own without the others hearing. 

“Depending on how long it’ll take to edit,” Nick checked something on his phone before facing me, “I can take you back tonight.” I hummed, half-assed thinking it over.

Straining out a nice tone. “Maybe, sure. We can figure it out later.” He headed towards his room before stopping. “Oh, can I include you getting hurt?” Nick asked. I scoffed, “Yea, milk it like a cow’s titty.” And immediately laughing at my own joke then somewhat embarrassed for saying that. “But yea,” nodding at the idea, “You can add me getting hurt and going to the hospital, or whatever you want.” He nodded and left, shutting his door to work. 

Tanner finished making his food and sat down on the couch between me and Larry. They began to talk which gave me time to check my phone. Feeling fifty-fifty on what I do or don’t want to see. But it was obvious how much I really wanted a message to pop up, my hope dropping into my stomach. No matter how long I stared at the screen nothing would show up. 

My face must’ve shown how upset I was. “You alright?” Tanner faced me with his usual dopey grin. I hummed a yes, going back into the emptiness and zoning everything else out. Larry gives a small side eye and then goes back to normal with Tanner. 

At this point, those two are messing around and watching- who knows what- and I’m left to think. A bad choice in my opinion. But it is a good distraction from what’s really happening. 

I don’t want to deal with any of this. Maybe I should’ve stayed home, I have my favorite blankets there. My leg itches- fuck, I can’t scratch it. That’s gonna bother me. A lot. I wanna leave, just another hour and I can ask Isaac to take me back. 

My hair feels like it’s sticking to my neck and face, so are my clothes. Maybe I was too in my head. I hate that feeling. Everything is burning up, I know I’m sweating. It always happens when I don’t want it to. I need to calm down but how can I? Everyone’s watching me, judging me. Why wouldn’t they? I would do the same. I'm taking up space in their house and can't do anything for them in return. 

Instead of practically dying on the couch, I went to the bathroom. With some trouble and a wobbly balance but reaching it in time before I had a full meltdown. 

Slowly breathing in and out. The warmth from my hands feeling the cold porcelain sink, grounding me way better than I thought. 

Do they have a fan? I should turn that on. But I’ve already been here for a minute. They’ll wonder why I didn’t turn it on sooner. Would it be weird if I do it now? Yeah, it would. Just don't make any noises like someone's in here. 

I psych myself out, taking a seat on their toilet instead.

It’s not that much of a shock that their bathroom is in need of a clean up. Matches the rest of the house- from what I’ve seen. Their voices were heard even from this distance, making me wonder how much soundproof they need in their own rooms. Though I got used to their loudness, a small headache was forming. 

Forcing myself to take a deep breath and heaving myself up and back out. 

Tanner and Larry were watching videos. I couldn’t see Isaac anywhere, thinking he went into his room for a break of his own. In my bag was a half empty bottle of headache medicine, taking one with some room temperature water. They looked busy so I didn’t disturbed them and headed out the back door. 

Careful grunts and steady feet flowed all the way to the wooden bench, or bench swing, they had. It sat under one of the trees that shut any prying eyes out, shadows easily covering every inch on a rainy day like this. Dew covered the mowed grass, blinking in the sunlight. Wood shifting under the sudden weight. 

It’s funny. With how big their house is, how many rooms they have, it doesn’t seem like any of them like to hang out in the backyard. But it’s perfect when I need some alone time. Or when I really want to scream my head off like a headless chicken…that can still scream. Maybe freaking out and overthinking senseless things is better than worrying about the doom of my sister deciding to reply. 

Third time’s the charm, right? Three is my lucky number. I just wished something would appear and make it true. 

Maybe she changed her number. 

It was a pathetic sight. Convincing myself that's the reason why and not because my sister lost a sympathy bone. For the only sister she...had? Has? Does she still want to be my sister? 

She can't be the only one I blame, I blame myself too. Like I have been for years. The only thing I know how to do right. There's no way I can mess that up. 

‘The phone works both ways’ said by anyone who hates being alone but doesn't want to admit it. That sentiment is only true when you're desperate enough to do anything to get them back.

And I think that's what I'm doing. Contorting the doubts into something digestible. Almost to the point of throwing it back up just to taste the acid. 

I don’t have anyone to spill my guts out to. My phone contacts are barely a swipe long; having the guy's; sister if she kept her number. My mother who I blocked once I moved here. I never had my fathers number, and I don’t want it either. 

My grandparents. Sending texts to both from time to time, only getting a response from my grandma. Never giving myself a second thought about deleting my grandpa’s number, he was usually a call type of person instead of texting anyways. She still pays for his number. But now I just listen to the voicemails he sent. His voice is the only thing I can come close to remembering on my own. Everything else is fading away in my forgetful mind. 

Checking again, nothing. It's a lost cause at this point. The possibility that she never wanted to talk to me again is fine, I just wished it didn't make me feel like crying. Or wanting to throw my phone at the wall. Throw a tantrum from the lack of attention. 

The back door opened. Shutting just as quickly and footsteps being muffled from the grass, coming closer to where I was sitting. I didn't bother to look at who it was, waiting to see if they would say something first cause I knew I wasn't going to. All they did was take the seat next to me, creaking the wood with it. 

They sat there for a minute, not saying anything, letting his hand tell me who it was. And it was easy to figure out. 

“You doing alright?” Isaac softly pushed his feet, causing the bench to swing with the wind. “Yea, I'm cool. Just had a small headache.” It wasn't a complete lie. Even if I couldn't see his face, I knew he was staring at me. 

Humming, “What're you doing?” He didn't want to say it aloud, but there was a feeling of tension, one I didn't notice. 

It's called life when someone can't answer a message right away, so it's easy to just say that. And yet, the words were stuck in my throat. Twisting in a way I thought wasn't possible. 

“I texted my sister.” Heat creeping up my back and sweat threatening to make me uneasy and squirm again. 

A complete surprise and confusion of blurting that out. And I don't think he did either since his foot slipped when he went to push again. “You have a sister? That's cool.” His tone gave way of a question rather than a compliment. There was another question on his tongue, but he didn’t want to say it. And unfortunately, I wanted him to ask. 

Humming since I didn't trust my own voice. “So you told her what happened?” It was like a game of 20 questions with him. Each one makes me want to drown a drink. 

“No. Not yet.” Diluting myself with courage to look at him. “I mean, what am I gonna say? ‘Hey, I just broke my leg and have to be in a cast for a month. But I'm fine, nothing to worry about’.” Laughing at the ridiculousness. The floodgates could burst out if I try to say anything else about it. Say anything about the issues I’ve had for years now, building up. 

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe ease into it,” Tracing his fingers of the wooden swirls and lines, “Don’t start off too strong. Just tell her like you normally would.” I scoff and roll my eyes. 

Isaac makes it so obvious sometimes that he’s an only child, never able to understand how siblings act. And especially sisters at that. None of them would, which makes it a bit harder to even talk to them about this kind of situation. Standing by myself in trying to navigate through this. 

“Yea, my problem is that I’m not normal,” Leaning back on the bench, “I can’t be normal around her, she’s- was, the same though. I freak out around her, I rather freak out about you-” I catch my tongue, “A-arou-around you. Around anyone really, I freak out when I leave my apartment sometimes. Most of the time really. That’s what I do.” Awkwardly laughing and hoping he joins from the slip up. 

Why am I talking so much? I wanna kill myself. 

Thankfully he doesn’t question it…for now. Looking at me like I fully said something crazy and showing an amused but confused smile. “So you have an older sister?” Guessing correctly. “Wow, you’re surprisingly right. How long did it take you to guess that?” I look at him with a mocked shocked face. 

Rolling his eyes and playfully nudging my shoulder. “You never mentioned her before, why not?” 

“Why would I?” Looking over at him and covering it up with a mix of nodding and shaking my head, “I mean, she doesn’t live here. So there isn’t a point to bring her up.” Curling up inside myself. 

There wasn’t a way to know if Isaac knew how much those words weighed, but he knew how to lift them. His gentleness contrasted my strained language. Yet our voices overlapped the soft hum of blowing winds and the rhythm of insects. Everything about this shouldn’t be so smooth, yet I’m willing to pass this by. And not everything has to have me grieving over the smallest things. A bad habit I’m still trying to get rid of and learning to correct- that I still forget to do. 

I sigh for the millionth time. No new messages. 

✧₊⁺

We watched the oversaturated, idiotic video they chose before I heard drops outside. More sprinkling. And it was confirmed by it harshly picking up and hitting the window, calming down afterwards. “More rain, seriously?” Mumbling and staring out the window. 

“If it gets worse you gotta sleep over.” Larry looked over his shoulder without pausing the video. 

“Do I really need to?” The idea of staying the whole night at their place, in a way, terrified me. For a multitude of reasons that I can easily list off. But if I told them the list then they might- or surely- get annoyed at what I have to say, so I kept my mouth shut. Only thinking about the worst case scenarios and very exaggerated things that’ll most definitely never happen, cursing my brain. 

Being lonely for a really long time and being a hopeless romantic is not a good combo. Or anything else for that matter. 

Tanner chimed in, already decided on me staying. Going over the different kinds of games we can play. Like a typical sleepover: inviting bloody Mary and summoning demons from the over world. Old, half lit candles would complete the séance. 

Isaac talked over Tanner, who didn’t care about being ignored by us. “If you get the cast wet it’ll be bitch to deal with. It’s better to stay here.” His eyes burned holes on the side of my face. I knew I had to say something, like agree with the logical reasoning, but I couldn’t bring myself to. And it seemed like my thought process was plastered across my face cause he tried to convince me to stay. 

In his own odd ways. “If you stay, then you can see how much better our couch is.” I laughed, confused on why he came up with that. The rational part of me told me to sleep over for the night. Then the other part wanted to scream and just walk back to my apartment. 

“My couch wins, no competition.” Crossing my arms and slouching further into the cushions. Reluctantly agreeing to stay the night. But overall he took it as a win. I'll give him that…and only that. 

[wooahaeproductions]

Give a Little Bit (SVT Hoshi)

Kwon Soonyoung x Female Reader

Genre: smut, fluff, strangers to lovers

Word Count: 1k

Rating: 18+

Warnings: mirror kink, semi-public sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk (please let me know if I missed anything)

A/N: Wow, that took me an eternity but this is the final request from my Love in Color drabble event! Also, I apologize in advance because this one ended up being a little unhinged. 🙈 ~Bee

You sighed once more as you looked at the time on your phone, as it confirmed that it was only 30 minutes from the last time you looked at it. While it was your choice to take some summer classes to get ahead in your university program, it wasn’t your choice to be stuck here at the reception desk of your local senior center. 

You had hoped for something more exciting for the final project of your communications class, but unfortunately you were late the day the places to volunteer were chosen. So, here you were, manning the desk of possibly the most boring place ever. 

“Wow, I think I need to introduce that young dance teacher to my granddaughter,” one of the old ladies said to her friend as they walked past. You couldn’t help but overhear, there was nothing to do but eavesdrop on their conversations.

 It piqued your interest, you didn’t even know dance classes were offered and you knew no one else from your class was assigned here. You shook your head, it didn’t matter. You’d only be here for the summer and you were focused on your studies, you didn’t need a boy to distract you. 

Time crawled slowly, but you were finally in the last ten minutes of your shift and you were organizing the front desk to be ready for the next morning. The comings and goings had died down now that it was after dinner time and it was quiet. Except now, you heard music drifting down the hall from one of the recreational rooms. 

Your curiosity was getting the better of you and you wandered down the hall to find the source. It seemed to be coming from behind a door about halfway down and you peeked in the window to confirm. A guy you hadn’t seen before, probably around your age, was practicing a set of dance moves. He had dyed indigo hair and thanks to the fact that he had no shirt on, you could see his lean dancer muscles. If anyone else was here, they’d be cleaning up your drool.

You shook your head, bringing yourself back to reality. You turned around to head back down the hall to the front desk but instead of taking your leave quietly, your clumsy self smacked your knee on the wall. 

“Um hello? Is someone there?” the boy asked, alert to the fact he was no longer alone. You cursed internally and tried to continue down the hall despite your knee smarting. The door behind you clicked open. “Can I help you?” 

You laughed nervously. “Uh sorry, I just heard the music when I was up at the front desk and I wanted to know where it was coming from,” you rambled. 

He smiled and said, “It’s okay, I just didn’t know someone else was still here either,” 

You cleared your throat and asked, “You don’t look like you are from my class, are you from another school?”

“Oh, no. I actually volunteer here on my own time, teaching dance classes!” the boy responded enthusiastically.

You laughed now. “You must be the dance teacher all the ladies talk about when they walk past the desk,” you mused

“I’m Soonyoung,” he said with a grin.

“Y/N,” you offered back.

It didn’t take long for your nightly meetings to become a habit after a few weeks. And it didn’t take long for those meetings to turn into other nightly rendezvous. You had never seen anyone immerse himself in dance the way Soonyoung did and it did things to you. It started slow and gentle but that quickly grew into something intense.

After a particularly boring day, Soonyoung had you pinned against the dance mirrors. He had his hands on either side of you, caging you in as he nibbled a sweet spot on your neck. Your own hands laying flat against his abs while you suppressed a moan.

“Come on, Y/N. I know you have some pretty sounds for me,” he whispered in the shell of your ear, sending a shiver down your spine and eliciting that moan he was longing for. Not wanting to be left out, you pressed your core against the growing bulge that could be seen in the practice shorts he was wearing. 

He let out a growl, an indication of how close he was to hiking up your skirt like he had done multiple times before. “Make me,” you said, your brattiness and desire for more taking over. That did it, his shorts were dropped to the floor and your skirt had been pushed up your thighs to reveal your underwear. 

Covering your lips with his, he expertly pulled down your panties. He brushed his tip against your folds. “Soonyoung…” you murmured. After teasing you a bit, he finally pushed inside you and pulled your legs up to encircle his hips. 

“Good?” he asked, making sure he was never hurting you. While everything with Soonyoung was intense, he never failed to be sweet and giving. You nodded in confirmation and he began pumping in and out, each thrust pushing your hips harder against the mirrors behind you.

There were another set of mirrors across the room and the image of Soonyoung fucking you was making the coil in your stomach build quickly. “Quicker please,” you begged. Now the loud sounds of your hips slapping against each other and the mirrors reverberated in the closed room, making you see stars.

“I’m going to cum all over this mirror in a minute, baby,” he said, grunts leaving his mouth with each thrust. 

The thought of his cum dripping down the mirrors made you come undone quicker than you would have liked, a shaking orgasm that made your legs go limp after holding them around Soonyoung for that long.

He slowly let your legs down and you slowly slid to the floor, no energy left in you to stay standing. He gave you one more heated kiss before giving himself a few last pumps, letting ropes of cum paint the mirrors behind you.

Soonyoung was not in your plans for the summer but he was nothing but giving. You hoped you could give him as much as he had given you.

©️wooahaeproductions

All works on this blog are protected under copyright. Do not repost, continue, or translate my works.

[letters-to-rosie]

for the fic writers ask (a bit late): 2, 3, 8, 9 and 41 please

it's not too late I like to talk lol

and I talked a lot so buckle in

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

my top 3 are "alternate universe - modern setting" (8/10), "alternate universe - college/university" (5/10), and "not beta read" (5/10, which is funny because 10/10 are not beta read lol)

and yeah, I can't say they don't represent me. when I was on ff.net I used a beta (my mom lmao) but now my grasp of English grammar is much better. I still miss stuff all the time (I found a word use error rereading something I'd published like a year and a half prior and wanted to scream lol), but it is what it is. even though I have professional editing credentials, it's really hard to edit your own stuff because your brain still fills in what it expects to see

re: modern setting and college setting, I started off my account publishing a couple college AU Fullmetal Alchemist one-shots; the only other college fic I had was my second prompt fill for the Arcane timebomb secret santa, where the prompt was to write in a modern setting. so that's all the college fics and 5/8 of the modern setting. another modern one is high school, since when I finished Arcane I felt a deep need to write Ekko in a high school setting because rarely had I felt so compelled by a single character. and the last two are the revolution universe, which is a funny story

idk how much I've mentioned this before, but the reason revolution is a modern setting is because I wanted to see if I could make an Ekko/Jinx roleswap work without the help of any of the story's magical elements. to restrict myself, I changed the setting. from there, developing modern Piltover/Zaun was just really fun. I took a lot of cues from the aforementioned high school setting fic I wrote and turned them up to 11. it has been and still is a fun ride, so I'm not mad about that choice at all

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

hmmmmmmm lol well line breaks! I like to make detailed little line breaks. some show up better on one platform than another (for example, the revolution telephone line breaks look WAY better on desktop imo), but I think they are cute

in terms of more trope-related things, I actually had a hard time for a moment. I went and looked at some fics of mine to try and find an answer

humor is one, for sure. big believer in laughing even on the worst day of your life. I think that's how I survived mine, and I think the characters I write about would be the same, finding something absurd or funny even when things are really bad

another one, I think, is attention to the mundane. I'm not a super detailed writer; purple prose isn't really my personal style. but I like writing about boring things. little things, you know?

the last one I'll bring up is setup and payoff. that's one of my personal favorite writing devices. I really enjoy putting the pieces in place and watching it all come together is always really satisfying. especially when combined with a focus on the mundane. like I have one story where Ekko's wearing a tie, and it matters.

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

hmmmmm well I don't know if there are any I'd want to see just adapted straight into a fic, or nothing comes to mind directly. or maybe it's that the songs I am thinking of are more vibes than plot? well anyway, Willow's Symptom of Life is one I really like lately, as well as Sampha and Little Simz's Satellite Business 2.0, Kenny Mason's Firestarter (or Metal Wings tbh, or like the entirety of Angelic Hoodrat), and Isaiah Rashad's Headshots (4 Da Locals)

9. How do you find new fic to read?

scroll on a tag, or someone I know writes something and I go read it, and sometimes recs

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

honestly, I just want to write like myself, but the goal is to shoutout other people so I picked one from each other the fandoms I've read the most of on ao3

for Fullmetal, Swallows on the Beam is a long-time fave; the detail of the worldbuilding is really great, and I love the amount of thought put into a setting that isn't even seen in the canon material. the prose is just really lovely too. the author has done such an incredible job, and I need to go through and actually comment on all the chapters someday, but I have so much to say that I know it'll take me forever lol. but like how can a scene of a character touching another character's earring make me lose my shit? that is the magic of this fic lol. one of the most romantic things I have ever read

for Hunter x Hunter, I really love a thousand miles wandering; the Silk Road setting is just so unique! the prose is great, character work is great, setting is worked into the story in a great way. all feels like generic praise, but the whole thing is just so well-rounded in its excellence

for Arcane, my favorite has always been The Revolution Will Not Be Televised; just has such an infectious energy. it's fun, funny, and it takes this fantasy setting and makes it feel very real, which in turn helps the characters feel even more real than they do in the show, in some ways

[ecosyncrasy]

I've been watching a lot of longer form content today about studying in preparation for my university prep courses. I've attempted going for a degree many times over across a variety of different subjects and always ran out of steam halfway through the first year. I used to laugh off explaining this to people as me simply being a bad fit for academia and that I was content simply 'knowing a little about a lot'.

However, now in my thirties – making the choice to go back there was something in this video I was watching about study habits that made it click why this time is actually different. Why I feel so strongly that this time I have a chance.

I made so many excuses during my twenties about why I was simply okay with how things ended up because I had internalized that I was completely powerless to change things. I was disassociating so hard the fact that I found myself in a long term abusive relationship where I was isolated from all my family and irl friends. (and the ones I had online had NO idea what I was going through offline because subconsciously I was so embarrassed to even talk about it or admit I was struggling with anything). I had nothing but a job that I was killing myself to excel at because “lol gifted kid burnout is just like that”. There wasn't any possibility of me being on the spectrum or having ADHD because my parents said those are simply not real or excuses. After all, I was making honours lists and was getting 90s up until the family unit started to fall apart (Grade 11).

Yet even in the final months of high school – I had no idea what I wanted to do. I only knew that my parents expected me to go to university. In fact my whole life up to that moment the entire family was gearing up to brag about all the degrees I was just BOUND to get – while being entirely divorced from my academic life. (My father and extended family only cared about achievements. My mother was stressed from being in a shitty marriage and assumed I didn't need any help because my younger brother was struggling so much with even the academic basics.) That by the time I needed to apply I just picked my top subject (English Literature), and picked schools based on where my high school friends were going. Especially since my parents officially separated (messily) the summer before (Hi shitty summer of 2009) I was due to go to uni, in retrospect I was already in a tailspin. I was just clinging onto anything remotely familiar.

I wish so badly that I had someone then to shake me and tell me not to rush off into university on whims that were not my own.

Predictably. I spent the most of that year in a depressive state. I barely attended classes. Spent most of my time in bed. I crashed and burned horrifically, and ended up having my final conversation with my father around this time who's only support was calling me an 'idiot' when I told him I was depressed and considering dropping out.

My subsequent attempts at different things in an online university setting from 20-25 ... were not much better. I ran away from my family situation after the loss of my grandmother who had pretty much raised me when my parents were both consumed with work. Into the arms of a much older guy who definitely never deserved my time. Then all my attempts at school were in hindsight more running away but I was flailing. Picking anything that sounded interesting. Trying to discover who I was in an environment that was not suited to discover ANYTHING. Devouring and excelling in the first half of the classes but not having the confidence to even attempt any sort of exams or meaningful evaluation. Because god – having any sort of needs or support isn't how I get people to love me. If I couldn't do it 100000% by myself – it wasn't worth doing.

And in the end I wasn't chasing a passion. I didn't really see myself in any of those positions. I wasn't allowing myself to go after anything I really wanted because – that doesn't pay the bills. How could I let myself go into debt if I didn't stand a chance of making it back right out of school. I was still basing every choice I was making based on what others wanted out of me (prestige, money, etc).

I didn't, as this video so aptly put – I didn't have the end goal in mind. I was only thinking of the next day – maybe the next month.

I'm in a much better place now. A better relationship that has allowed me space and room to grow. To challenge my old ways of thinking. I'm in a place and have a good relationship with my mother that I am starting (still struggling) to work on being myself. Getting in touch with the things I love. I stumbled into a job (working at a commercial pet store of all things) that rekindled a passion from childhood that's given me a drive I haven't had before.

All these things, coupled with the fact that I've been watching my life pass by in the most unfulfilling way has unlocked memories of begging to go on walks down forest trails. Crying over and hugging trees as a kindergartner that were marked to be cut down to make room for parking. Mourning the loss of a property out in the wilderness for one closer to the city. Leading a gaggle of first graders to make pseudo-science observations of local birds during recess. Devouring hours and hours of nature documentaries wanting to be the ones doing that for a job (but thought I wasn't smart enough or that it was somehow beyond my reach). Craving nature based spirituality. A life long passion for animal welfare, rescue and rights that I buried in a professional sense after I found out that veterinary medicine would have killed me.

Something has clicked this time and it has filled me with such a thirst for success that hasn't existed for me before.

For me the answer is now clear. It's always been Biology. Ecology. Conservation. Fighting for the rights of people and the planet. Every career quiz I've ever taken has told me I craved a calling that would serve a higher purpose. That could help people and be a force of change in the world. More and more as I look down the gun of what is going to be a great challenge, more things unlock in my mind telling me that I am suited for this. This is my purpose – and it feels right. It just took me three decades to understand and feel confident about that understanding.

Even now, I can't remember the last time I've sat down and reflected about any of this. It's the first time I've felt compelled to write about my experiences in a raw and unflinching way. I think that says something.

For the first time I crave the struggle to make my life better. And now pathways are opening up as I discover myself and I'm so excited for the future.

[saexy]

‎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ¸: ᭰͒̑͡ 𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓣𝓸𝓻𝓲 . . . @niitoshi

𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 !

The little droplets of water trickle against the glass, you move your finger against its before letting it touch the table. You watch , taking a sigh of relief, in the solitude of your company. It was short interrupted by the growing eyes on you. The white gown, the veil were definitely a give away to answer it. 

—

Getting cold feet is totally normal!! You reassure yourself in a weak moment of second thoughts. The engagement diamond sat tight around your finger as you fiddled with a bouquet of carnations. You met Kagami 5 years back. And even though he particularly didn't strike much of your interest, it was love at first sight for him. He fell first, and felt harder. ANd you, you grew to his presence. He cared about you, loved you with all your ins and outs. He stayed, and the idea of him around became a habit. A habit. A habit, the word irked you strangely. There was never a doubt that you loved being around him. He knew you in and out, things you liked and disliked. Your friends loved him. He was perfect, a page from every girl’s fairytale- The air was poised, Yes it must be, today out of all the days was not the one to question. Teh ceremony was starting in an hour. Guests had started lining up. You mentally slapped yourself before you spiraled into this stupidity. 

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐍 !

The muffled voice behind the door helped knock you off your thoughts. “Hey, it's oli” you recognized your best man’s voice. For a change you had both a maid of honor and a best man today. “Its open” you replied, too lazy to move from the comfort of your chair. The dress added. Oliver stood struck in teh door frame. “You. Look. Gorgeous. Marry me instead” His last comment made you chuckle. You rolled your eyes at him, “at this point i might as well” you mumbled. 

“What did you say?” Oliver raised hsi eyebrow at teh answer. 

“Nothing”

“You guys fought,didnt you, told you he was a los-” 

“Oliver” You snap at him. It was unlike you to get so worked up over something so small. Oliver’s mouth fell agape, not hurt, but concerned now. “Im sorry I didn't mean to-” you start off but he cut you off. 

“Talk to me” he knelt half way to look at you, worrisome.

“Do you think we rushed into this marriage?” You ask, “And answer me honestly?” 

Oliver was ready to shoot down any doubts you had coming but even this left him confused. 

“You do want to call off teh wedding, i don't think loverboy would mind.” Oliver broke teh growing silence. “I admit, i d not particularly get along w him, he is brick wall for a man, but he loves you… he will understand and you can marry him tomorrow” 

“What if i don't wanna get married… to him… ever” Even you didn't realize where all this came from, but maybe you knew deep down.

“Congratulatulations” That voice. You were only half way done though your make, when the man interrupted. Him. His audacity to show up today out of all days, boiled your blood. Everyone exited shortly to give you two privacy. “never thought of you as being into lilies” he blurted in all honesty. 

“I like em better” You lied. Taiga loved lilies.”Why-”

“Before you say anything, your mum invited” he said, putting down the bouquet of red carnations. You stand mute, trying to pick words, the rite words, until you are picking just any word. Anything you say out loud. “You had the choice to not show up” you bitterly bit your tongue back.  

“Hmm.. I wasn't staying for the ceremony anyway.'' Silence took over again. He clicked his tongue, and without any further try-hard conversation, walked out. Again. You wished you screamed, cried, slapped him for always leaving you to pick up the pieces. But you didn't. You didn't feel the rage anymore. 

For someone who always had something up his pocket, you were throwing Oliver off hsi game. “Oh- oh- development..” he stares at you blankly, “Do you want this?” he just asks one last question.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ♥︎

You werent gonna let the events of earlier dictate the way you lived, but at the same time, the diamond felt heavy as the clock ticked. It was unfair to taiga, this might hurt you both, but to live the rest of your life as a lie, would kill you. This was all the courage you needed. 

“Yes, I mean, No i don't want this wedding… because, i-I love carnations”  

“Okay? You want to cancel this wedding because they didn't get the flowers rite? Unacceptable but-”

“I have to go, I love you, take care of this for me” You hastily pull out the ring from you finger before oliver can he even comprehend what was going on, You pu ton your shoes, “I’ll call you later” 

“Tori, whe- What is going on, we can fix teh flower-” Oliver tries to put two and two together, but watching you running around the room grabbing you things, he hardly can circle his brain around anything that was following. 

YOu hug him tightly., “I owe this to you, Thankyou oli. I Love you  and i Love carnations” Marriages turn people silly he had heard, but you were not married yet- So this was rather fearfully crazy. “Just handle everything here” YOu peck his cheek and take the leave. 

Your veil billows behind, smiling preciously. You were not tied by teh promises or regret of yesterday anymore—you ran bec you were doing something for yourself.

–

“Miss, would you like another?” You smiled widely, “yes, gladly” the people’s gaze fell with time. Until someone takes a seat next to you. “Some day?” He cocks his head to meet your eyes. 

“You wont believe the day i’m having”

“Sound liek I have all the time for a story” 

A giggle escapes your lips at his cheekiness, You take a deep breath, smiling eagerly to taht familiar face.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐘 !

[greetingfromthedead]

C40: Storm Clouds

For more information on the series (tags, CW, etc) click the banner!

Series Rating: 18+ / Explicit

Chapter: 40/84

Words: 1.8k

Warning: Mention of suicide at the end of the chapter!

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Vash is getting increasingly worried. It gets harder and harder for him to convince himself that you are alright, that soon things will get better. The touch of hope of the voices quieting down occasionally has also been blown away by the wind. It's a strange situation to be in; he has grown so close to you, and the moments you are fully with him are the happiest he has had in a very long time. You understand each other perfectly; your banter and your touch are heaven to him. In those moments, he is almost capable of believing that things will stay that way. He wants to see you smile and laugh, your carefree and kind eyes looking into his, and your warm body against him in a hug. But those are fleeting moments, quickly replaced by apathy and a distant stare if you are left to your thoughts for a moment too long. Most of your time you spend like this—a shell of yourself, nothing but a shadow of your being. You react so slowly to his voice and touch that it gets harder and harder to get your attention. He feels like you're sand seeping through between his fingers.

You seem sickly now. What started as your headaches have gotten worse. For someone who can heal any wound in hours, your skin has gotten an ashy, almost grayish hue underneath it, your beautiful eyes seem sunken in, and you seem weak and hunched over as you ride your tomas. But every time he tries to check in on you, he is met with a blank stare, like you don't understand what he's talking about. Only once has he heard you complain a little about feeling unwell, but things have gotten worse since then. It's not just your physical appearance that seems to suffer; it's your memory too. Often, he has caught you being forgetful, leaving items behind that you would never have before. You mix up names and places, often talking like you're somewhere else. He remembers Varmint's Hill so vividly. After the two of you had stopped the bank robbery, you were dragged into the celebrations, and Vash had been so happy to see you mingling with the townsfolk. It looked like you're turning a new leaf when it comes to your feelings towards humanity, but even so, he wasn't surprised to find that you had disappeared from the saloon. He found you on top of the roof, looking out. He talked to you, and you seemed completely there with him, not shut off like he often saw you, but still, you had called this place Squinny Coffin, a town you had left weeks ago. At the time, he had just brushed it off as a slip of the tongue, but as time went by, he wasn't so sure anymore.

He watches over your sleeping form; this too is very unusual since you have always refused to sleep in the desert, insisting that you keep watch as Vash sleeps. Very rarely has he been able to convince you to sleep while he is on the lookout, but on a number of occasions in the past few weeks, you have fallen asleep in his arms. He thinks back on one of the times you unexpectedly nodded off and how shaken you were by it. You had explained that sleeping is a choice you have to make knowingly; your body doesn't just doze off. But now it has become common. At first, he wasn't sure since he had the habit of kissing your forehead or cheek when he woke, or even when he didn't do that, the change in his breathing seemed to be enough to stir you. But now you just sleep, not waking up easily at all.

Vash realizes that whatever is going on in your head must be putting an incredible amount of strain on your body for you to be like this. You had explained to him how your body seems to be working—that it produces constantly enough energy to keep you going without getting tired—but lately that's all he sees: tiredness.

So many times has he tried to get to the bottom of things, but each time you either brush him off with an excuse, not react at all, or look at him with confusion, not sure what he is talking about. And like clockwork, every time he is about to lose his mind over the whole ordeal, there comes a day where you are completely lucid, smiling and laughing, and acting like nothing is wrong. On those days, you are especially likely to brush him off, saying that you feel fine and complaining that you just want to enjoy your moment of peace from the voices.

Over time, he couldn't help but notice that stimulation helps you be present; it used to be enough to talk to you, then he needed to touch you gently, holding your hand being enough, but the needs grew to stroking your skin and playing with your hair. Now it doesn't seem to do as much anymore. Adrenaline appears to be the main source of your clarity, be it a dangerous situation or physical intimacy. In those moments, you are there, head clear and quiet. Vash expects it to mean that the adrenaline and elevated heart rate hasten your healing ability to the point where it can overcome whatever stress your mind is under. But this knowledge is not enough; it's not the solution.

Vash pushes the rouge strands of hair off your face; you look peaceful. Tonight, you don't seem to be tormented by nightmares, but he can't say the same about himself. The worry he carries for you has made his nights difficult; haunting images of his past are only part of it; more often than not, they also include you suffering in some horrible way that all tie back to himself, his secrets, his sins, his being. He sometimes finds himself contemplating whether your future would have less pain if he let you go; could you possibly be happier? But he refuses to linger too long on those thoughts; he can't leave you alone in a state like this, and his heart still constantly longs for you, even if you are lying by his side.

He remembers asking you to talk to him about your troubles, your worries, and your pains, to share them with him, and to not suffer alone. But you haven't told him much, brushing it off, and it makes him feel somewhat lonely. He knows there is likely not much he can do for you, but he would still like to see you trust him enough to lean on him. Despite that, he can't blame you; he hasn't told you about his worries either, still carrying secrets he hasn't been able to tell you. But for him, it's more about not wanting to trouble you more, to not add his guilt and pain to your already heavy load.

The gas burner feeds a tiny flame; it barely flickers, and Vash would have turned it off by now, but your eyes seem to be fixated on it. He is glad to see that you focus on anything at all after this long day of tracking through the desert. You have been so distant again, your movements slow and absentminded as you do your regular "chores", like taking care of the toma while he sets up the camp. The way in which you take off the gear of the birds has been getting increasingly sloppy, not that it really made a difference, but before you seemed so detail oriented, the way you used to take the rigs off was meticulous and careful. You paid attention to not tangle anything, placing the saddles down gently and thoughtfully. Now it seems more like they slip out from between your fingers.

Vash adjusts his coat over your shoulders as you sit under his arm. His fingers grip your shoulder, the red coat covering both of your backs. A few times during the day, you had tried to clear your head and talk to him, but just as soon as you forced the first words out, you seemed to be swept away again, not collecting your thoughts enough to start a conversation. He feels lost, not sure what to do or how to help you.

Your head rests against Vash's shoulder, your fingers entangled with his. The silence of the desert is only disturbed by the few little worms fluttering around, but you don't know that because all that echoes in your skull is buzzing and voices screaming over each other—too many words and sounds all at once to make out any of it. You hear your own screaming among them, but it's just a small part. So many tortured souls seem to beg for you to remember them and drag their suffering into the sunlight. It has gone on for so long, increasingly getting worse to the point where you can barely form any thoughts of your own. Sometimes the best you can do is look at Vash. You see his distance, the expression on his face, and you feel so guilty and bad. He has been taking care of you, doing everything he can to soothe your struggles, but you can't repay him; you are nothing but a burden, something to sour his mood and hold him back. You feel ashamed, as you weren't even able to talk to him, to cheer him up, or to ask about his feelings and thoughts. You are weak and utterly unworthy of him.

"Vash..." you speak up through the momentary hint of clarity in your brain.

He turns to look at you, shocked by your use of his name. Usually, you would start off by calling him Red. Your face slowly turns upwards to look at him, your eyes somber and mournful, with something more, but he can tell you are with him in this moment.

"Could I borrow your gun?" you ask weakly.

"Why, love?" His eyebrows move into a frown. You generally avoid his gun; you don't like firearms, and he knows that, so why now, in the middle of nowhere?

"You won't like my answer." Your words have a tremor in them that he starts to feel in your body too. Your voice seems forced and calm.

"Why not?" He turns a little bit to see your expression better; all he senses is pain and regret.

"Cause I want to shoot my brains out, Vash." Madness creeps into your voice and eyes, Vash pulling back with surprise and terror.

"No!" he exclaims, but he feels your hand pull out of his and reach for the weapon on his thigh between the two of you.

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[velvethelth]

Top 4 Nutritional Products for Losing Weight

Diet culture makes us feel that the only way to lose weight is to binge on a lot of fancy "superfoods," and food is only healthy if it is carb-free, gluten-free, or even better, dairy-free. Such is not the case, since most individuals can't precisely make such diets work properly for themselves. You are likely considerably better off investing your efforts in consuming more of the correct meals to help you lose that weight. We chatted with two nutritionists to obtain their choices for things to put in your shopping basket to achieve exactly that. These nine meals contain full fiber and protein yet are lower in calories—a combination that makes it easier to lose weight without feeling deprived. Read on for these choices from nutritionists.

1. Salad Greens

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On hand will rescue the day when you want to have something fresh and quick when you don't want a salad: simply throw in your favorite pre-washed salad greens or a bagged salad kit. Hate salads? Add some greens to your smoothie.

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2. Popcorn

Snacks, particularly while decreasing weight, decrease hunger episodes between meals. Snack decisions may be such as picking popcorn: a huge serving size that would only equal a few calories, so keeping you feeling filled as you continue on your journey toward weight reduction. With a crunch that's nearly like chips, it's a superb option that offers roughly 4 grams of satisfying fiber in 3 cups.1 "If you're hungry, you need something to grab that's low calorie and also going to fill you up," explains Breanna Killeen, M.P.H., RD, a registered dietitian. "Popcorn is one of those great ones."

3. Olive Oil

Pairing nicely with just about everything, olive oil delivers a host of health advantages. One tablespoon provides 14 grams of healthy fat, including the mono- and polyunsaturated varieties that help keep cholesterol levels in line and protect against heart disease. 2 "Just a little bit of olive oil makes stuff taste so much better," Killeen adds. "Plus, you need fat to absorb essential nutrients and keep you pleased and full. You want to find something, like olive oil, which is a source of unsaturated fat that is both healthful but also has that satiating impact." Overall, olive oil is one of the finest grocery store purchases, and a fantastic oil-based dressing takes any veg-packed salad to the next level.

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4. Seltzer Water

Fizz aficionados, rejoice! Seltzer, or bubbly water, is an excellent option when you have a craving for anything effervescent. No extra sugar: there's no sweetness to that game. Liquids tend to be fairly satiating. Sometimes it means you're more hydrated than other times sipping on a little seltzer throughout the day, but it's simply the sensation of fullness isn't going to make that seltzer or that water into a substitute meal. Now basic seltzer water contains simply one ingredient- carbonated water. Add a squeeze of fresh lemon or a splash of juice for an added taste.

[sailorgizmo]

Follow the white rabbit

Hello diary, it's me [redacted].

Jokes aside, I used to "talk" to my diary as if it were sentient. Like I'm doing now with you, dear diary.

I have old books filled with four leaf clovers. Does that surprise you? (they don't bring luck)

Everytime I cross a street my mind plays it on and on,"Marla Marla Marla."

All things in their own time, right?

Have you seen Amelia? Or I'm an Android and it's Okay? Love+Death+Robots? Battlestar Galactica?

Movie marathon [days..months long]: all the old ones, all the ones we watched or shared together.

(I know I've forgotten more than I remember.)

Then the best part: all the ones after. My favorites and yours. Ones that made me cry or scared or horny or lonely. Every little one. [I speak in movies, melodies, and book quotes, and you're the ~only~ one who got that]. And yours too. Would some overlap?

You should watch Sound and Fury. It's absolutely wonderful. I listen to Make Art Not Friends on repeat.

Oh this version of us is one I enjoy. A snapshot of a fantasy life.

Old lovers sharing the little lights and sparkles they've collected along the way... without the other.

Can I have your online handles? Let me creep your profiles. Go through your reddit or 4chan? Let me see behind the veil? I'll show you mine [they aren't interesting, I promise. Remember? I tried not to share anything. I thought you'd always be looking, I must admit. I actively thought this for years, and then it just became a habit mixed with fear and longing.]

I feel this giant sucking breath stealing void in my chest and have since I've started down this rabbit hole. I know I'm even lying now: I felt it any time I sat still and thought.

Do I just long to share with someone familiar?

I know this is escapism, but so are my books and movies. I'm only writing them out this time.

If I didn't burn our notes, would I still feel this loss? Like a severed limb that I've been convincing myself for 16? years is still there. I wish(fool) I could have grown and learned the world with you.

It's very hard to admit that part to myself. Since that isn't something that can be fixed or changed. It's just an aggravation.

Making myself roll that thought over and over in my head like rolling a hard candy back and forth on your tongue between clicking teeth. It makes my whole body feel grey and void and empty. I feel completely drained of..it all. So I put that very particular thought in a box so tight in my mind palace I hope it gets lost.

I've started "taking care of" myself more the last few months. Trying to get back to the person I feel is me. Yoga, extreme horror books, found footage movies, expression. I'm becoming more solid.

Feeling like at every "crossroads" or choice in my life, I made the wrong one. The dread building with each wrong turn. Until now. Where it feels as if a bubble might pop or I'm on the edge of waking from sleep.

It's an odd feeling. I don't know what I'm doing, and I wish I had been better.

I know all this is silly.

I collect smells [perfumes/colognes/scents] still. Do you remember what I used to say my favorite one was?

"I want to sink down to the bottom of the sea"

(All the love songs that mesh with me are about you: I hate myself)

Let's watch Rose Red together on repeat (again)

Blue. Rainbow.

[danidanialsblog]

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Review of Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies

Travis J.

"If you have kids and a full-time job, it's hard to find time to go to the gym. I didn't know how to lose weight until I looked online and found out about Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies. The directions were pretty clear, and I liked that I only had to take one keto pill every day and didn't have to do or pay for anything else. I popped one in my mouth every morning before I went to work. I could feel it working all day to help me burn fat. I've been taking these for two months, and I can see how much weight I've lost. I've even had to buy new clothes because of it. I suggest these gummies to anyone who wants to lose weight on their own time.

Ignacio M. Ignacio M.

"Because I'm overweight, I've always felt bad about how I look, so I never went to the gym and couldn't stick with at-home workouts. My friend told me to take these sweets because she had tried them and liked them. Because nothing else was working, I did it. Even though I didn't think they would work, I kept taking them. After a couple of months, I saw that I was thinner and had more energy to do things during the day. I'm so glad this is here.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

Get what you want!

If you take these keto sweets, you will reach your weight loss goals faster than you ever thought possible. As you just read, a lot of people have lost weight by taking these amazing weight loss pills. If you have trouble losing weight and are looking for a cheap, fast, and effective option to extreme dieting and exercise, you have come to the right place. We can't promise that you'll be able to get a bottle of this great way to lose weight if you don't act now. This is because the number of people who know about it is growing. Click on any picture on this page to get the best price on Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies today.

Official Website : https://vitalketogenicketogummies.com

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[bread-tab]

#i was just liveblogging my therapy progress lol #did not expect this

i'm putting my tags in the post because the above addition happened when the post was at, like, idk, a few hundred notes??? and the one above that when it was at, like, a couple dozen. and that's the version that popped off, where i was thanking people for that dozen notes. lmao

and i'm pinning this so if you clicked my blog you can see that fun tidbit, and because i want to remember what an incredibly positive experience this has been. this is my second viral post (on any website, ever), and my first one was a shitpost about the frustrations of being sleep deprived. every single tag i see on this post is like "i've been doing this too and it improved my life" or "i want to get better at this" or "nice job OP."

this has, as you can imagine, been ridiculously validating.

and honestly, you know, i was just posting about a subtle habit i'd picked up that i'm not even that consistent at yet. i'm not good at this! the word "mindfulness" still makes me go eww. but here we are. turns out it still matters

the overwhelmingly positive response has really encouraged me to keep at this and continue finding little ways to bring more agency in my life.

so, seriously. thanks

💖

if you're wondering how to start this kind of habit for yourself...

someone in the notes recommended an app called OneSec which helps remind you to think about whether you actually want to open an app or website.

anything you can use to create a little friction or pause before you zone out works in the same way; isolating those apps in their own little folder, deleting the app so you're forced to use the web version, logging out of things, etc.

i use a launcher app called Minimalist Phone which, among other things, lets me decide how long i want to spend in an app and then prompts me to stop using it after that time. i encourage you to experiment with these kinds of tools and fight back against the mechanisms that exist to exploit your attention.

my own journey to this point was long and complicated and basically added up to millions and millions of small choices, decisions to try out ways of thinking and strategies to get better. those are going to be different for everyone. we all get these opportunities but they're very specific to our own lives. the principle behind it all, though, is that every little choice you make means something. every little experience you have. even if that's just looking at memes.

if you're feeling helpless, you can take the power over your own life back starting in really, really tiny ways.

start by making a specific choice like "instead of just opening an app and scrolling, i'm going to specifically search for 'cute orange cat photo' and feel a moment of satisfaction when i find one i like."

come up with your own teeny tiny goal that aligns with your interests. do that once to open the door. do it twice to establish a pattern. do it three times to make it a habit. do it again just because you can.

if making a goal feels too big, you can start with asking yourself questions. be casual about it. "what's fun about this?" "am i seeing things i like?" "what's keeping my attention here?"

it doesn't really matter what you ask as long as it gets your thoughts stirring. it's even okay if it's not a question you can actually answer. starting to notice what you're doing builds up the awareness that allows you to make choices.

the thing is, our brains don't really understand the difference between a little decision and a big one. under the emotional baggage, it's all just decisions. if you want to get more confident overall, you can trick yourself into it by practicing with these little things.

the practice counts. it starts with daring to try a new chip flavor even if you might not like it, or deciding you want to learn something today and googling "fun animal facts," or realizing "this youtuber pisses me off" and closing the video...

and before you know it you've slipped into applying the same thought process to bigger decisions and your life is changing for the better. it adds up. but you can start here, with small steps, where only you can see it and it's low-pressure. you have the power. you have unlimited chances to make it work. give yourself an opening, even if it's just a pinhole

somehow, amazingly, i have hacked the impulse that makes me mindlessly scroll on my phone. it's not gone but i've paired it with a conscious thought process that goes like, "what's my goal here? i'm looking for entertainment, for information, for something that makes me feel more optimistic and interested in the world i live in..."

and because that kicks in between apps, too, i'm not doomscrolling as much. i'm intentionally seeking out posts or videos or whatever that actually mean something to me. when i'm not satisfied i walk away or pick up a book instead. most subtle yet impactful change i've gone through in years

i did not intentionally set out to change this. i've just been working on my mindset in general. hey, turns out having a good therapist again helps

[nutravibes]

Tru Fit Keto Gummies Reviews – ACV Gummy to Burn Fat!

✔️Product Name -  Tru Fit Keto Gummies 

✔️Category - Health

✔️Side-Effects - NA

✔️Availability - Online

✔️Rating - ★★★★★

✔️Price (for Sale) Buy Now Here — CLICK HERE

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When you start taking TruFit Keto Gummies, you will be shocked by how much weight you have been losing. In as little as one month, these natural sweets improve your body's health and well-being. This is the way to go if you have been having trouble losing weight or just want to work harder at the gym. Thanks to these keto candies, thousands of men and women across the country have lost weight and built muscle faster than they ever thought possible. The best thing about them is that they work naturally to target fat stores and burn fat all day and night. That means that once you eat your first gummy, there will be nothing stopping you from losing weight. Click on any picture on this page to get your bottle right away.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

TruFit Keto Gummies Ingredients

The ingredients in TruFit Keto Gummies are all natural and have been shown to help people lose weight in as little as one week. Many things can lead to weight gain, which can be bad. Once you start taking these sweets, you will no longer have to worry about being overweight. Zinc is the most important thing in these candy chews. Zinc is important if you want to lose weight, so you should take it very carefully. If you don't get enough of this vitamin, you might not be able to lose weight. When you start taking these keto sweets, your heart and body will be healthier. They will stop inflammation in your body right away and make you less likely to get heart disease. Putting on a lot of weight and getting heart disease go hand in hand. We're so happy that you've chosen to take charge of your life, because if you hadn't, you might die too soon. Once you've tried these keto sweets, you won't need to try anything else to lose weight.

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Cost of TruFit Keto Gummies

The price of TruFit Keto Gummies is nothing compared to what you might have to pay for medical care if you try to lose weight in dangerous ways. It's fine to work out every other day, but you shouldn't do workouts that are too hard. The health effects of these habits can kill you. If you want to be happy, healthy, and able to move well in the future, you should try True Bio! Voted the fastest and most effective way to lose weight, you will see results you can't believe. We promise that if you take these weight loss pills every day, you will lose weight and feel better about your health. Instead of putting everything at risk with bad habits and workouts, try this choice that has been PROVEN to work in as little as one month! You won't have to worry about whether or not you're doing enough with TruFit Keto Gummies. All you have to do to get the results you want is take one keto chew a day.

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Review of TruFit Keto Gummies by Tracy J.

"If you have kids and a full-time job, it's hard to find time to go to the gym. I didn't know how to lose weight until I looked online and found out about TruFit Keto Gummies. The directions were pretty clear, and I liked that I only had to take one keto pill every day and didn't have to do or pay for anything else. I popped one in my mouth every morning before I went to work. I could feel it working all day to help me burn fat. I've been taking these for two months, and I can see how much weight I've lost. I've even had to buy new clothes because of it. I suggest these gummies to anyone who wants to lose weight on their own time.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

Ignacio M.

"Because I'm overweight, I've always felt bad about how I look, so I never went to the gym and couldn't stick with at-home workouts. My friend told me to take these sweets because she had tried them and liked them. So I did because nothing else was working. Even though I didn't think they would work, I kept taking them. After a couple of months, I saw that I was thinner and had more energy to do things during the day. I'm so glad this is here.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

Get what you want!

If you take these keto sweets, you will reach your weight loss goals faster than you ever thought possible. As you just read, a lot of people have lost weight by taking these amazing weight loss pills. If you have trouble losing weight and are looking for a cheap, fast, and effective option to extreme dieting and exercise, you have come to the right place. We can't promise that you'll be able to get a bottle of this great way to lose weight if you don't act now. This is because the number of people who know about it is growing. Click on any picture on this page to get the best price on TruFit Keto Gummies today.

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[pornaddictionsymptoms]

How To Know If You're Addicted To Porn

Sure, everyone enjoys watching a little porn now and then. But how do you know if you're addicted? Here are five signs that you may be addicted to pornography:

You spend more time watching porn than you do interact with other people

Watching porn has become a go-to source of entertainment and escape for many people. It can be both addictive and isolating, preventing us from making meaningful social connections with others. Research shows that excessive porn consumption can lead to feelings of disconnection, shame, guilt, sexual dissatisfaction, and even body dysmorphia. If you find yourself spending more time gazing at pornographic images than engaging with the people around you, it may be time to re-evaluate the balance of your life and determine how to better prioritize interpersonal relationships. That could mean reaching out to friends or family more often or delving into activities outside of the home where you might have an opportunity to meet new people. Whatever it is, there’s no denying that real human connection is more fulfilling than any computer screen ever could be.

You prefer to watch porn over having sex with a partner

Watching porn instead of having sex with a partner is becoming increasingly popular amongst people who would prefer to satisfy their sexual needs in the comfort of their own space. What benefits one when engaging in this kind of activity are the choices that can be made - what type of porn, specific performers, and even fantasies. It eliminates all the realities of having a partner such as potentially dealing with rejection or feeling self-conscious. It can also contribute to giving someone an idea of how they'd like a real sexual experience to go when they do eventually decide on indulging in it. It's also great for those who don't have somebody readily available to have physical relations with, so it makes up for that need without having to look elsewhere for what's missing.

You get anxious or depressed when you can't watch porn

It can be troubling to face the fact that your mental health is sometimes associated with being able to watch porn. So many people have found themselves in this uncomfortable spot, feeling anxious or depressed without access to pornographic content. It’s definitely hard to escape the societal source of pleasure when all of your friends seem to have it, just a click away. Unfortunately, it's even harder to recognize when your need for porn starts overshadowing important parts of life like work, family, or self-care. The sooner you become aware and address these feelings the better it is for both your mental and physical well-being in the long run.

Your sexual tastes have become more extreme or deviant

Everyone's sexual tastes are different, and that is totally okay! Many people can find themselves exploring the unknown in their sex lives, experimenting with the extreme or deviant in order to spice things up. While this type of behavior may not be for everyone, it can be a fun and exciting way to switch things up and explore new boundaries with your partner. With open communication and trust, discovering your wildest desires can bring you closer together than ever before, allowing you to create an even more intimate connection.

You find yourself stealing, lying, or borrowing money to support your habit

When you find yourself stealing, lying, or borrowing money to support a certain habit, it can be a sign that this habit is truly getting out of control. It's important to acknowledge that and take steps toward enacting change. Seeking professional help from doctors or trained counselors can provide essential insight and guidance as you transition away from addiction and unhealthy behaviors. With their assistance, lifestyle modifications, confrontation of underlying issues, and commitment to mindful practice can empower one to lead a healthier and more satisfying life.

You've lost interest in hobbies, work, or activities that you used to enjoy

It can be incredibly disheartening to suddenly lose interest in activities that you have previously enjoyed. Anything from work to hobbies and social engagements can leave you feeling strange, confused and frustrated. Losing your enthusiasm for something doesn't necessarily signify a major problem, but it is important to take the time to figure out why you're no longer interested. Ask yourself why this has happened and try and think back to what might have been the root cause of that unappealing spark being extinguished, before putting a strategy in place to reignite your passion and spark an important sense of purpose once more. Set small goals and focus on revisiting these activities bit by bit rather than expecting instantaneous results. Taking small steps will also help keep your energy levels up and make it easier not to become overwhelmed.

It is clear that pornography has the ability to take a hold of our lives if we are not actively monitoring it and making the effort to stay away. The evidence presented goes to show that consuming too much porn can be psychologically damaging and can lead us down a path of increasingly deviant behavior. It’s important to monitor our behaviors, watch for signs, and recognize when it’s getting out of control and reach out for help if needed. Additionally, prioritize engaging in activities that lead to healthier relationships with other humans such as therapy, attending support groups, or speaking with friends or family about your struggles with porn addiction symptoms. In doing so, you will find greater joy from interacting positively with people you care about rather than turning to something that ultimately destroys your relationships.

[doppopoppo]

Bundle of Feelings

|| Uramichi Daily Headcanon ||

|| Warnings: married, minor cussing, angst, argument ||

|| Uramichi • F!Reader || 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*💙

Silence.

Everything was silent. 

The only thing that could be heard were the trees rustling outside. The curtains swaying softly and hitting the glass door. The fridge is running in the background. And the heavy breathing of two adults. Hearts pounding in their chests. Both afraid the other may hear their heart wanting to explode into a volcanic mess. 

Otherwise, silence. 

Y/N hasn’t seen her husband this mad since she last saw him interact with his father. Uramichi was red in the face, a scowl permanently settled atop his facial features. The way he was holding her hand, squeezing it tightly for mental support. She doesn’t even remember what they were even arguing about, as her father-in-law bickered about the most minuscule of things. 

Today, however, Uramichi’s anger was directed at her. She had thrown out all of his beer and cigarettes. His wife was tired of having to deal with a drunk husband more nights than she wanted. Only sleeping when he was wasted and slurring out cuss words. The heavy smell of tobacco following his trail, making her scrunch up her nose in disgust. Coughing whenever she walks by as he puffs out smoke. None of these were healthy coping mechanisms. She genuinely wanted to help her husband figure out and find better alternatives. Healthier options. One that wouldn’t harm his health. 

As a gymnast, shouldn’t he know better? 

Little did she know, her actions would cause Uramichi to have an outburst. The most the two fought over what to eat for dinner, junk food or protein filled. He began the argument by yelling at her. Then proceeded to belittle her, what can she know? How stupid can she be? 

She cried and tried to calm him down, but he wouldn’t listen. “It's for your own good!” Y/N sniffled, “why can’t you see that?” She was hugging her own body. Unsure if it was for comfort or out of fear; maybe both? 

Uramichi sighed and rubbed his forehead, “I’m a grown man. I can make my own fucking choices for fucks sake, Y/N!” He’s never used such vulgar vocabularies with her before, this was a first. 

She didn’t want to change Uramichi, instead help diminish the fire inside of him. The one his father lit and kept throwing gasoline at it. 

“You won’t grow like this, dear. If you want a brighter future and to help your depression, we need to start fixing your bad habits.” She emphasized ‘we’. Because they were in this together. 

Uramichi had yet another strenuous day at work, all he wanted was to drink beer until he passed out. His wife’s cuddles no longer lulled him to sleep. Her sweet whispers felt meaningless. Only cigarettes could help him calm his mind down. Yet, she still tried to reason with him. Saying bullshit about seeing a therapist, hanging out with friends more often, or going outside that’s not the gym. 

“I know your fathers did horrible things to you. Such as forcing you into something you didn’t want to do. But you have to stop living in the past. Stop blaming your father for your future, which is your present now.” His wife tried to get close to him to bring him into a hug. 

Enraged at her words, “Oh my god, I could just hit you right now!” Uramichi threw the nearest dumbbell to him across the room. She heard a vase shatter, the one that was a hand me down from her mother. 

“What the hell do you know!? You’ve lived a nice and spoiled life, no inch of worries. No wonder you’re such a stubborn brat half the time.” His words were like a sharp knife cutting through her heart. 

She bent down over the broken pieces of vase. Shattered just like her heart. Uramichi’s eyes and mind were clouded in red rage. He hasn’t realized he broke an important item. One that was personally given to them by his mother-in-law. The woman who entrusted her daughters happiness to him. 

“Stop.” Y/N whispered. “Stop this right now!” She shouted at him. New, hot tears fell from Y/N’s eyes as she held into the broken vase pieces. She was in shock that her husband was willing to get physical over beers and cigarettes. This wasn’t what he promised to her on the day of their wedding vows. 

“You’re no different from your father, Uramichi.” She stood up. “An abuser raised another abuser. I can’t have this cycle continue.” Y/N went to put on her coat. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Uramichi was irritated that she had the audacity to leave in the middle of an argument. 

“Our child doesn’t need to witness what you witnessed your father do to you.” His wife glared at him. 

Those words flipped a switch inside Uramichi. Child? But they didn’t have any children. Then it clicked, his wife was pregnant. Was that the real reason she wanted him to stop? Why didn’t she say so in a better way then? It was too late to ask her these though, because she already left the apartment. 

The small apartment that used to be lovely thanks to his wife, now felt cold and lonely. The way it was before she came into his life. He took a look around the room and saw the mess he made. It might’ve been minor, but it left a big impact. Uramichi noticed the important vase he broke and ran out the door to catch up to his wife. Though she was nowhere to be seen. He sighed and went back inside and laid down on the couch. He screwed up big time. 

When morning came, it was raining but the smell of food tickled his senses and woke him up. He slowly got up from the couch and went towards the kitchen. He found his wife in her favorite apron cooking breakfast. 

“Morning.” She chirped. “I’m making American style sausage with scrambled eggs! Go sit at the table in the living room, I’ll be there in a minute.” 

Questions ran through his head as he sat at the table on the floor. The broken vase pieces are gone, but so is the vase. Y/N’s eyes looked empty, betraying the big smile she displayed. He saw his wife bring the food to the table. He quickly got up and helped her. Likewise, he went to grab some additional items to set up the table for breakfast. Was last night a dream? No it couldn’t be. 

The question was itching in Uramichi’s throat, he had to ask. “Why?” 

Y/N looked up from her place, “why what?” 

“Why'd you come back? I even broke your mother’s case.” He thought she walked out for good. He threatened to hit her. He vowed to never be like his father, and that’s exactly who he became last night. His nightmare coming to reality. 

Y/N put her fork down, “Listen, we are married, way passed the dating phase. On our wedding day we vowed to love each other until death do’s us apart. It is both of our responsibilities to make sure the other is doing okay. Physically and mentally. You’re always there for me, dear. I want to be here for you this time, in what I think will help you. I’m sorry I threw out your beer and cigarettes without discussing it with you. I just want  to see you make healthier choices for yourself.” she put her hand over his. “I found out about the baby after I made the decision a while back. It’s another reason now why I would like for you to stop, but the main reason here is you. This is about you and us helping you.” she stared at his eyes. “I don’t wish to change you, but help you. As for the vase, you can buy me another one.” She winked and giggled. “As long as we’re fine, it’s all that matters.”

It was a big change she was asking him to make. But he can take small steps. That’s what the couple decided on. To limit his alcoholic intake to certain days of the week. Same with his smoking. He didn’t have to quit, but he was trying not to be dependent on it. He has the strongest support laying next to him at night. Holding him tightly. Uramichi was truly excited to know he’ll become a father! He’s nervous, but he knew he’s not alone. He thinks about what he can do to be a better father than his was.

Author’s Note:

He needs a hug. And a raise.

Remember, who your parents are don’t define you. If something happened in the past, don’t let it define you and who you are today. It might hold you back from growing. Just remember to take care of your mental health! 💜

Enjoy!