#it starts with little choices and better habits like not clicking on the thing even though you want to click on the thing

[anachrosims]

TBH I’m really weary of this “purity culture” stuff. People have sex, get over it. Learn to curate your online experience instead of shrieking at people about daring to discuss mutually consenting adults gettin freaky or producing fan content that’s NSFW. As long as that shit is tagged as appropriate, the burden is on YOU not to go looking for it.

I completely understand the ones who are concerned about fan content that glorifies toxic/ab*sive/exceptionally triggering behavior though. I do understand that. HOWEVER, it helps absolutely NO ONE to police what fans produce--the real goal we should be having is creating fandom spaces that help provide SAFE and PROFESSIONAL resources for fans who might need help dealing with certain issues, or to help acquaint people with safe sex practices and other safe, good online resources they might not get anywhere else in their life.

EDIT: The best you can do with the above is to quietly reach out to someone about whatever it is they’ve posted or written or drawn and just fucking talk to them about it. They might flip out at you and go nuts, but that’s what block functions are for. Just say, “hey, I saw (post) and I feel it may be harmful to post that because (reasons)” and if they don’t respond well? LET IT GO. Just say “thank you, I just wanted to reach out, but I’m sorry to have bothered you.” Some people are going to be wild shitheels because they have baggage and we can’t expect to control that.

I hate toxic shippers just as much as the next person, but as someone in her mid-30s--and I hope the older folks agree with me--it serves nothing and nobody to thump folks over the head with holier-than-thou callouts. Newsflash: That shit makes you just as toxic and it only alienates people further. What you need to be doing is providing better messages that help fans, old and young alike, to come to understand what healthy communication and behavior look like--to help support fans in times of need--and to foster COMMUNITY in GOOD FAITH.

And for those who are worried about the genuine creeps hiding with us? I guarantee you, the healthier a community is, the more supportive and communicative and compassionate we are with each other? The less spaces those creeps have to hide.

Learn to curate your online experience. Treat each other with respect and dignity in good faith to the best of your ability. Help others in need. Get in the habit of reaching out to people and engaging with them when you’re able. And learn to stay in your lane, because while your experience matters, it’s not the only one that does.

[maochira]

Lies and guilt.

Tags/notes: gn!Ego's kid!reader, reader is a teenager, a little angsty, hurt/comfort but it ends with hurt, canonically Ego is too young to have a teenage kid so he's a bit older in this

Synopsis: You live in the Blue Lock facility along with Ego and Anri, but it gets boring sometimes. That's why you started sneaking out to where the Blue Lock players are. But one evening, you get injured and there's no other choice than to tell your father the truth.

Requests open! - dad!Ego masterlist - regular masterlist

You've always been a good child who never got into trouble, so lying to your father and hiding something from him is extremely out of place in your behaviour. When you first started sneaking into the players' area, you promised yourself it would be a one-time thing. A one-time thing you'd immediately forget about afterwards.

But then it happened again. And again. And now it's a regular thing. At least twice a week you find yourself on one of the training fields with some of the Blue Lock players.

There might be cameras in most places, but you know where there are none and when your father isn't watching. Usually, it's late at night or very early in the morning.

You're not proud of it and there's always a bit of guilt inside you when Ego praises you for being such a good child, but there's no way you could tell him the truth. You've done it way too many times to save yourself from his disappointment and anger. And yet, you keep repeating it. Really, what has gotten into you?

Maybe it's the loneliness of living in the Blue Lock facility. Shortly before Blue Lock began, you were kicked out of your soccer team because your coach wasn't okay with you following your father's egotistical approach to soccer.

Seeing all these players with the same approach and knowing how close they're to you, made you want to meet them. And you gave in to that urge, over and over.

You didn't know for how long you'd be able to keep hiding this from Ego before you break down and admit you haven't been the good kid he still sees you as.

Today's evening went like any other. You went to meet some of the Blue Lock players you've become friends with and played a bit with them. You would have definitely stayed longer, but the ball hit your face and your nose started bleeding. In a regular match or practice, that wouldn't have bothered you. But something in the moment when the ball hit your face, something clicked in your brain.

Sure, accidents happen during soccer. You've certainly had your fair share of minor injuries in the past. But for some reason, getting injured from playing soccer behind your father's back made all the guilt you've been bottling up return.

Your plan was to go to your bathroom, clean yourself up and then go to sleep. You planned to tell Ego the truth tomorrow, since you believed he'd be asleep.

But just as you're walking through the hallway, you hear Ego leave his office.

"(Y/N)?" He looks at you and his eyes widen when he sees your sleeve, which you had previously used to wipe away your blood. "Are you okay?"

And that's the moment you realize you really have to tell him the truth right now. If he hadn't seen you like this, you probably would have pushed it back even more instead of doing it tomorrow.

After you don't answer, Ego walks closer to you. "Your nose is bleeding." His voice is stern as always, but there's worry in it too. "(Y/N)-chan, what happened?" He gently grabs your chin and raises your head, so he can get a better look at you.

Ego rarely calls you "(Y/N)-chan", he only does it whenever he's worried about you. It's a habit that stuck with him from when you were younger.

You take a deep breath before you start speaking. "Dad, I'm so sorry..."

Ego wonders why you would apologize right now, but he doesn't answer yet. He wants you to explain first.

"I sneaked into the players' area and-" You start, but Ego already interrupts you.

"You did what?" His voice sounds stricter than before. "Why would you do that?"

You want to explain yourself. You want to tell him how lonely you feel all the time. You want to tell him how you never played with someone who has the same soccer ideology as you until now.

But the words don't come out of your mouth.

Ego lets out a frustrated sigh when he realizes you're not going to answer. "Clean yourself up, then meet me in my office. We need to have a serious talk about this."

As your father walks away, you turn around and go over to the bathroom. You hate the current sight of yourself in the mirror. There's still blood on your face, it dripped from your nose down your lip. But fortunately, the bleeding has stopped by now.

You're hesitant about entering your father's office, but it's something you know you can't run away from now. You've already told him what you did. By now, you've calmed down a little, so you're sure you can manage to explain yourself now. But still, you know Ego is going to be incredibly disappointed in you.

You carefully open the door and enter your father's office. He's sitting on his chair, turning his head to you when you walk in. He doesn't speak yet, even after you sit down on the chair in front of his, it takes a few more moments until he says something.

"I can't believe you would do anything behind my back. Especially something like this. Are you even aware of the consequences?"

"I am, but it was just an accident. I've gotten injured in soccer before. It doesn't hurt anymore either, I promise I'm fine."

"That is not what I'm talking about." Ego gets even more frustrated. "You really didn't think this through properly, did you? You could have interfered with the project. You could have ruined it. The players aren't supposed to meet anyone from the outside, especially not you."

As if your guilt about lying wasn't already enough, now the guilt of knowing you could have ruined your father's dream makes you feel even worse.

"I'm really sorry, dad." You attempt to apologize. "I just-"

Ego ignores your apology and simply continues talking. "If you want to play soccer again, we can look for a new team you can join. But in no circumstances are you ever playing with any of the Blue Lock players again."

"...What if I wanted to join Blue Lock?"

Ego sighs and adjusts his glasses. "We already talked about that before Blue Lock started. You're not joining. I'm not letting you ruin your soccer career with this."

"So you think I'll lose because I'm not good enough?"

"You are more than good enough, (Y/N). But Blue Lock isn't fair. Even the greatest players can lose. Besides, not only is it too late to join anyways, you know I have another way planned for you. And that doesn't include you joining Blue Lock."

"But dad-"

"(Y/N), stop it. I'm not saying this as the director of Blue Lock, I'm saying this as your father. You do not belong in there." Ego places a hand on your shoulder and softens his voice a little bit. "I couldn't stand seeing you in there. I couldn't stand seeing you ruin your career like that. Do you understand?"

You hate to admit it, but you know Blue Lock is a place you'd never fit into, despite you being raised with the same egotistical ideology towards soccer.

"Besides, if you were in there, it would be unfair for everyone else. You're my child and even if I tried not to, I'd have some personal biases about you."

"I know, you're right," You admit, avoiding eye contact for a moment. "I just wanted to play soccer with someone who plays it in the same way as I do."

"I understand your reasons, but that doesn't make what you did okay. But it was a one-time thing and nothing really bad happened, so I'm not mad at you."

The pressure of the guilt returns. It makes tears form in your eyes that you can't stop from rolling down your cheeks.

"I-It wasn't a one-time thing..." You stare at the floor as you confess the truth. "I started that when... I think when the second selection began."

Ego uses the hand that previously rested on your shoulder to grab your chin, forcing you to look at him again.

"That was weeks ago." His voice returned to a cold tone. "How often did you sneak in there? How could you hide something like this from me for so long?"

"Twice a week. But it was never for a long time. Never more than an hour."

Ego takes a deep breath and is about to answer, but then he closes his mouth again to rethink what he's going to say. It's obvious that he's not only disappointed but also very angry.

"We're done talking for tonight." Ego gets up from his chair. "I refuse to let my anger out on my child. We'll continue this conversation tomorrow. I need some time to think."

Before you get to answer, Ego exits the room, leaving you all alone in there.

All alone with your guilt.

[wooahaeproductions]

Give a Little Bit (SVT Hoshi)

Kwon Soonyoung x Female Reader

Genre: smut, fluff, strangers to lovers

Word Count: 1k

Rating: 18+

Warnings: mirror kink, semi-public sex, unprotected sex, dirty talk (please let me know if I missed anything)

A/N: Wow, that took me an eternity but this is the final request from my Love in Color drabble event! Also, I apologize in advance because this one ended up being a little unhinged. 🙈 ~Bee

You sighed once more as you looked at the time on your phone, as it confirmed that it was only 30 minutes from the last time you looked at it. While it was your choice to take some summer classes to get ahead in your university program, it wasn’t your choice to be stuck here at the reception desk of your local senior center. 

You had hoped for something more exciting for the final project of your communications class, but unfortunately you were late the day the places to volunteer were chosen. So, here you were, manning the desk of possibly the most boring place ever. 

“Wow, I think I need to introduce that young dance teacher to my granddaughter,” one of the old ladies said to her friend as they walked past. You couldn’t help but overhear, there was nothing to do but eavesdrop on their conversations.

 It piqued your interest, you didn’t even know dance classes were offered and you knew no one else from your class was assigned here. You shook your head, it didn’t matter. You’d only be here for the summer and you were focused on your studies, you didn’t need a boy to distract you. 

Time crawled slowly, but you were finally in the last ten minutes of your shift and you were organizing the front desk to be ready for the next morning. The comings and goings had died down now that it was after dinner time and it was quiet. Except now, you heard music drifting down the hall from one of the recreational rooms. 

Your curiosity was getting the better of you and you wandered down the hall to find the source. It seemed to be coming from behind a door about halfway down and you peeked in the window to confirm. A guy you hadn’t seen before, probably around your age, was practicing a set of dance moves. He had dyed indigo hair and thanks to the fact that he had no shirt on, you could see his lean dancer muscles. If anyone else was here, they’d be cleaning up your drool.

You shook your head, bringing yourself back to reality. You turned around to head back down the hall to the front desk but instead of taking your leave quietly, your clumsy self smacked your knee on the wall. 

“Um hello? Is someone there?” the boy asked, alert to the fact he was no longer alone. You cursed internally and tried to continue down the hall despite your knee smarting. The door behind you clicked open. “Can I help you?” 

You laughed nervously. “Uh sorry, I just heard the music when I was up at the front desk and I wanted to know where it was coming from,” you rambled. 

He smiled and said, “It’s okay, I just didn’t know someone else was still here either,” 

You cleared your throat and asked, “You don’t look like you are from my class, are you from another school?”

“Oh, no. I actually volunteer here on my own time, teaching dance classes!” the boy responded enthusiastically.

You laughed now. “You must be the dance teacher all the ladies talk about when they walk past the desk,” you mused

“I’m Soonyoung,” he said with a grin.

“Y/N,” you offered back.

It didn’t take long for your nightly meetings to become a habit after a few weeks. And it didn’t take long for those meetings to turn into other nightly rendezvous. You had never seen anyone immerse himself in dance the way Soonyoung did and it did things to you. It started slow and gentle but that quickly grew into something intense.

After a particularly boring day, Soonyoung had you pinned against the dance mirrors. He had his hands on either side of you, caging you in as he nibbled a sweet spot on your neck. Your own hands laying flat against his abs while you suppressed a moan.

“Come on, Y/N. I know you have some pretty sounds for me,” he whispered in the shell of your ear, sending a shiver down your spine and eliciting that moan he was longing for. Not wanting to be left out, you pressed your core against the growing bulge that could be seen in the practice shorts he was wearing. 

He let out a growl, an indication of how close he was to hiking up your skirt like he had done multiple times before. “Make me,” you said, your brattiness and desire for more taking over. That did it, his shorts were dropped to the floor and your skirt had been pushed up your thighs to reveal your underwear. 

Covering your lips with his, he expertly pulled down your panties. He brushed his tip against your folds. “Soonyoung…” you murmured. After teasing you a bit, he finally pushed inside you and pulled your legs up to encircle his hips. 

“Good?” he asked, making sure he was never hurting you. While everything with Soonyoung was intense, he never failed to be sweet and giving. You nodded in confirmation and he began pumping in and out, each thrust pushing your hips harder against the mirrors behind you.

There were another set of mirrors across the room and the image of Soonyoung fucking you was making the coil in your stomach build quickly. “Quicker please,” you begged. Now the loud sounds of your hips slapping against each other and the mirrors reverberated in the closed room, making you see stars.

“I’m going to cum all over this mirror in a minute, baby,” he said, grunts leaving his mouth with each thrust. 

The thought of his cum dripping down the mirrors made you come undone quicker than you would have liked, a shaking orgasm that made your legs go limp after holding them around Soonyoung for that long.

He slowly let your legs down and you slowly slid to the floor, no energy left in you to stay standing. He gave you one more heated kiss before giving himself a few last pumps, letting ropes of cum paint the mirrors behind you.

Soonyoung was not in your plans for the summer but he was nothing but giving. You hoped you could give him as much as he had given you.

©️wooahaeproductions

All works on this blog are protected under copyright. Do not repost, continue, or translate my works.

[ecosyncrasy]

I've been watching a lot of longer form content today about studying in preparation for my university prep courses. I've attempted going for a degree many times over across a variety of different subjects and always ran out of steam halfway through the first year. I used to laugh off explaining this to people as me simply being a bad fit for academia and that I was content simply 'knowing a little about a lot'.

However, now in my thirties – making the choice to go back there was something in this video I was watching about study habits that made it click why this time is actually different. Why I feel so strongly that this time I have a chance.

I made so many excuses during my twenties about why I was simply okay with how things ended up because I had internalized that I was completely powerless to change things. I was disassociating so hard the fact that I found myself in a long term abusive relationship where I was isolated from all my family and irl friends. (and the ones I had online had NO idea what I was going through offline because subconsciously I was so embarrassed to even talk about it or admit I was struggling with anything). I had nothing but a job that I was killing myself to excel at because “lol gifted kid burnout is just like that”. There wasn't any possibility of me being on the spectrum or having ADHD because my parents said those are simply not real or excuses. After all, I was making honours lists and was getting 90s up until the family unit started to fall apart (Grade 11).

Yet even in the final months of high school – I had no idea what I wanted to do. I only knew that my parents expected me to go to university. In fact my whole life up to that moment the entire family was gearing up to brag about all the degrees I was just BOUND to get – while being entirely divorced from my academic life. (My father and extended family only cared about achievements. My mother was stressed from being in a shitty marriage and assumed I didn't need any help because my younger brother was struggling so much with even the academic basics.) That by the time I needed to apply I just picked my top subject (English Literature), and picked schools based on where my high school friends were going. Especially since my parents officially separated (messily) the summer before (Hi shitty summer of 2009) I was due to go to uni, in retrospect I was already in a tailspin. I was just clinging onto anything remotely familiar.

I wish so badly that I had someone then to shake me and tell me not to rush off into university on whims that were not my own.

Predictably. I spent the most of that year in a depressive state. I barely attended classes. Spent most of my time in bed. I crashed and burned horrifically, and ended up having my final conversation with my father around this time who's only support was calling me an 'idiot' when I told him I was depressed and considering dropping out.

My subsequent attempts at different things in an online university setting from 20-25 ... were not much better. I ran away from my family situation after the loss of my grandmother who had pretty much raised me when my parents were both consumed with work. Into the arms of a much older guy who definitely never deserved my time. Then all my attempts at school were in hindsight more running away but I was flailing. Picking anything that sounded interesting. Trying to discover who I was in an environment that was not suited to discover ANYTHING. Devouring and excelling in the first half of the classes but not having the confidence to even attempt any sort of exams or meaningful evaluation. Because god – having any sort of needs or support isn't how I get people to love me. If I couldn't do it 100000% by myself – it wasn't worth doing.

And in the end I wasn't chasing a passion. I didn't really see myself in any of those positions. I wasn't allowing myself to go after anything I really wanted because – that doesn't pay the bills. How could I let myself go into debt if I didn't stand a chance of making it back right out of school. I was still basing every choice I was making based on what others wanted out of me (prestige, money, etc).

I didn't, as this video so aptly put – I didn't have the end goal in mind. I was only thinking of the next day – maybe the next month.

I'm in a much better place now. A better relationship that has allowed me space and room to grow. To challenge my old ways of thinking. I'm in a place and have a good relationship with my mother that I am starting (still struggling) to work on being myself. Getting in touch with the things I love. I stumbled into a job (working at a commercial pet store of all things) that rekindled a passion from childhood that's given me a drive I haven't had before.

All these things, coupled with the fact that I've been watching my life pass by in the most unfulfilling way has unlocked memories of begging to go on walks down forest trails. Crying over and hugging trees as a kindergartner that were marked to be cut down to make room for parking. Mourning the loss of a property out in the wilderness for one closer to the city. Leading a gaggle of first graders to make pseudo-science observations of local birds during recess. Devouring hours and hours of nature documentaries wanting to be the ones doing that for a job (but thought I wasn't smart enough or that it was somehow beyond my reach). Craving nature based spirituality. A life long passion for animal welfare, rescue and rights that I buried in a professional sense after I found out that veterinary medicine would have killed me.

Something has clicked this time and it has filled me with such a thirst for success that hasn't existed for me before.

For me the answer is now clear. It's always been Biology. Ecology. Conservation. Fighting for the rights of people and the planet. Every career quiz I've ever taken has told me I craved a calling that would serve a higher purpose. That could help people and be a force of change in the world. More and more as I look down the gun of what is going to be a great challenge, more things unlock in my mind telling me that I am suited for this. This is my purpose – and it feels right. It just took me three decades to understand and feel confident about that understanding.

Even now, I can't remember the last time I've sat down and reflected about any of this. It's the first time I've felt compelled to write about my experiences in a raw and unflinching way. I think that says something.

For the first time I crave the struggle to make my life better. And now pathways are opening up as I discover myself and I'm so excited for the future.

[letters-to-rosie]

for the fic writers ask (a bit late): 2, 3, 8, 9 and 41 please

it's not too late I like to talk lol

and I talked a lot so buckle in

2. Go to your AO3 “Works” page, to the sidebar with all the filters, and click the drop-down arrow for “Additional Tags.” What are your top 3-5 most used tags? Do you think they accurately represent your writing habits?

my top 3 are "alternate universe - modern setting" (8/10), "alternate universe - college/university" (5/10), and "not beta read" (5/10, which is funny because 10/10 are not beta read lol)

and yeah, I can't say they don't represent me. when I was on ff.net I used a beta (my mom lmao) but now my grasp of English grammar is much better. I still miss stuff all the time (I found a word use error rereading something I'd published like a year and a half prior and wanted to scream lol), but it is what it is. even though I have professional editing credentials, it's really hard to edit your own stuff because your brain still fills in what it expects to see

re: modern setting and college setting, I started off my account publishing a couple college AU Fullmetal Alchemist one-shots; the only other college fic I had was my second prompt fill for the Arcane timebomb secret santa, where the prompt was to write in a modern setting. so that's all the college fics and 5/8 of the modern setting. another modern one is high school, since when I finished Arcane I felt a deep need to write Ekko in a high school setting because rarely had I felt so compelled by a single character. and the last two are the revolution universe, which is a funny story

idk how much I've mentioned this before, but the reason revolution is a modern setting is because I wanted to see if I could make an Ekko/Jinx roleswap work without the help of any of the story's magical elements. to restrict myself, I changed the setting. from there, developing modern Piltover/Zaun was just really fun. I took a lot of cues from the aforementioned high school setting fic I wrote and turned them up to 11. it has been and still is a fun ride, so I'm not mad about that choice at all

3. What are some tropes or details that you think are very characteristic of your fics?

hmmmmmmm lol well line breaks! I like to make detailed little line breaks. some show up better on one platform than another (for example, the revolution telephone line breaks look WAY better on desktop imo), but I think they are cute

in terms of more trope-related things, I actually had a hard time for a moment. I went and looked at some fics of mine to try and find an answer

humor is one, for sure. big believer in laughing even on the worst day of your life. I think that's how I survived mine, and I think the characters I write about would be the same, finding something absurd or funny even when things are really bad

another one, I think, is attention to the mundane. I'm not a super detailed writer; purple prose isn't really my personal style. but I like writing about boring things. little things, you know?

the last one I'll bring up is setup and payoff. that's one of my personal favorite writing devices. I really enjoy putting the pieces in place and watching it all come together is always really satisfying. especially when combined with a focus on the mundane. like I have one story where Ekko's wearing a tie, and it matters.

8. What song would make a great fic (to either write or read)?

hmmmmm well I don't know if there are any I'd want to see just adapted straight into a fic, or nothing comes to mind directly. or maybe it's that the songs I am thinking of are more vibes than plot? well anyway, Willow's Symptom of Life is one I really like lately, as well as Sampha and Little Simz's Satellite Business 2.0, Kenny Mason's Firestarter (or Metal Wings tbh, or like the entirety of Angelic Hoodrat), and Isaiah Rashad's Headshots (4 Da Locals)

9. How do you find new fic to read?

scroll on a tag, or someone I know writes something and I go read it, and sometimes recs

41. Link a fic that made you think, “Wow, I want to write like that.”

honestly, I just want to write like myself, but the goal is to shoutout other people so I picked one from each other the fandoms I've read the most of on ao3

for Fullmetal, Swallows on the Beam is a long-time fave; the detail of the worldbuilding is really great, and I love the amount of thought put into a setting that isn't even seen in the canon material. the prose is just really lovely too. the author has done such an incredible job, and I need to go through and actually comment on all the chapters someday, but I have so much to say that I know it'll take me forever lol. but like how can a scene of a character touching another character's earring make me lose my shit? that is the magic of this fic lol. one of the most romantic things I have ever read

for Hunter x Hunter, I really love a thousand miles wandering; the Silk Road setting is just so unique! the prose is great, character work is great, setting is worked into the story in a great way. all feels like generic praise, but the whole thing is just so well-rounded in its excellence

for Arcane, my favorite has always been The Revolution Will Not Be Televised; just has such an infectious energy. it's fun, funny, and it takes this fantasy setting and makes it feel very real, which in turn helps the characters feel even more real than they do in the show, in some ways

[saexy]

‎⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ¸: ᭰͒̑͡ 𝓕𝓸𝓻 𝓣𝓸𝓻𝓲 . . . @niitoshi

𝐓𝐎 𝐁𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐃 𝐓𝐎 !

The little droplets of water trickle against the glass, you move your finger against its before letting it touch the table. You watch , taking a sigh of relief, in the solitude of your company. It was short interrupted by the growing eyes on you. The white gown, the veil were definitely a give away to answer it. 

—

Getting cold feet is totally normal!! You reassure yourself in a weak moment of second thoughts. The engagement diamond sat tight around your finger as you fiddled with a bouquet of carnations. You met Kagami 5 years back. And even though he particularly didn't strike much of your interest, it was love at first sight for him. He fell first, and felt harder. ANd you, you grew to his presence. He cared about you, loved you with all your ins and outs. He stayed, and the idea of him around became a habit. A habit. A habit, the word irked you strangely. There was never a doubt that you loved being around him. He knew you in and out, things you liked and disliked. Your friends loved him. He was perfect, a page from every girl’s fairytale- The air was poised, Yes it must be, today out of all the days was not the one to question. Teh ceremony was starting in an hour. Guests had started lining up. You mentally slapped yourself before you spiraled into this stupidity. 

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐍 !

The muffled voice behind the door helped knock you off your thoughts. “Hey, it's oli” you recognized your best man’s voice. For a change you had both a maid of honor and a best man today. “Its open” you replied, too lazy to move from the comfort of your chair. The dress added. Oliver stood struck in teh door frame. “You. Look. Gorgeous. Marry me instead” His last comment made you chuckle. You rolled your eyes at him, “at this point i might as well” you mumbled. 

“What did you say?” Oliver raised hsi eyebrow at teh answer. 

“Nothing”

“You guys fought,didnt you, told you he was a los-” 

“Oliver” You snap at him. It was unlike you to get so worked up over something so small. Oliver’s mouth fell agape, not hurt, but concerned now. “Im sorry I didn't mean to-” you start off but he cut you off. 

“Talk to me” he knelt half way to look at you, worrisome.

“Do you think we rushed into this marriage?” You ask, “And answer me honestly?” 

Oliver was ready to shoot down any doubts you had coming but even this left him confused. 

“You do want to call off teh wedding, i don't think loverboy would mind.” Oliver broke teh growing silence. “I admit, i d not particularly get along w him, he is brick wall for a man, but he loves you… he will understand and you can marry him tomorrow” 

“What if i don't wanna get married… to him… ever” Even you didn't realize where all this came from, but maybe you knew deep down.

“Congratulatulations” That voice. You were only half way done though your make, when the man interrupted. Him. His audacity to show up today out of all days, boiled your blood. Everyone exited shortly to give you two privacy. “never thought of you as being into lilies” he blurted in all honesty. 

“I like em better” You lied. Taiga loved lilies.”Why-”

“Before you say anything, your mum invited” he said, putting down the bouquet of red carnations. You stand mute, trying to pick words, the rite words, until you are picking just any word. Anything you say out loud. “You had the choice to not show up” you bitterly bit your tongue back.  

“Hmm.. I wasn't staying for the ceremony anyway.'' Silence took over again. He clicked his tongue, and without any further try-hard conversation, walked out. Again. You wished you screamed, cried, slapped him for always leaving you to pick up the pieces. But you didn't. You didn't feel the rage anymore. 

For someone who always had something up his pocket, you were throwing Oliver off hsi game. “Oh- oh- development..” he stares at you blankly, “Do you want this?” he just asks one last question.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ♥︎

You werent gonna let the events of earlier dictate the way you lived, but at the same time, the diamond felt heavy as the clock ticked. It was unfair to taiga, this might hurt you both, but to live the rest of your life as a lie, would kill you. This was all the courage you needed. 

“Yes, I mean, No i don't want this wedding… because, i-I love carnations”  

“Okay? You want to cancel this wedding because they didn't get the flowers rite? Unacceptable but-”

“I have to go, I love you, take care of this for me” You hastily pull out the ring from you finger before oliver can he even comprehend what was going on, You pu ton your shoes, “I’ll call you later” 

“Tori, whe- What is going on, we can fix teh flower-” Oliver tries to put two and two together, but watching you running around the room grabbing you things, he hardly can circle his brain around anything that was following. 

YOu hug him tightly., “I owe this to you, Thankyou oli. I Love you  and i Love carnations” Marriages turn people silly he had heard, but you were not married yet- So this was rather fearfully crazy. “Just handle everything here” YOu peck his cheek and take the leave. 

Your veil billows behind, smiling preciously. You were not tied by teh promises or regret of yesterday anymore—you ran bec you were doing something for yourself.

–

“Miss, would you like another?” You smiled widely, “yes, gladly” the people’s gaze fell with time. Until someone takes a seat next to you. “Some day?” He cocks his head to meet your eyes. 

“You wont believe the day i’m having”

“Sound liek I have all the time for a story” 

A giggle escapes your lips at his cheekiness, You take a deep breath, smiling eagerly to taht familiar face.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐂𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐘 !

[greetingfromthedead]

C40: Storm Clouds

For more information on the series (tags, CW, etc) click the banner!

Series Rating: 18+ / Explicit

Chapter: 40/84

Words: 1.8k

Warning: Mention of suicide at the end of the chapter!

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Vash is getting increasingly worried. It gets harder and harder for him to convince himself that you are alright, that soon things will get better. The touch of hope of the voices quieting down occasionally has also been blown away by the wind. It's a strange situation to be in; he has grown so close to you, and the moments you are fully with him are the happiest he has had in a very long time. You understand each other perfectly; your banter and your touch are heaven to him. In those moments, he is almost capable of believing that things will stay that way. He wants to see you smile and laugh, your carefree and kind eyes looking into his, and your warm body against him in a hug. But those are fleeting moments, quickly replaced by apathy and a distant stare if you are left to your thoughts for a moment too long. Most of your time you spend like this—a shell of yourself, nothing but a shadow of your being. You react so slowly to his voice and touch that it gets harder and harder to get your attention. He feels like you're sand seeping through between his fingers.

You seem sickly now. What started as your headaches have gotten worse. For someone who can heal any wound in hours, your skin has gotten an ashy, almost grayish hue underneath it, your beautiful eyes seem sunken in, and you seem weak and hunched over as you ride your tomas. But every time he tries to check in on you, he is met with a blank stare, like you don't understand what he's talking about. Only once has he heard you complain a little about feeling unwell, but things have gotten worse since then. It's not just your physical appearance that seems to suffer; it's your memory too. Often, he has caught you being forgetful, leaving items behind that you would never have before. You mix up names and places, often talking like you're somewhere else. He remembers Varmint's Hill so vividly. After the two of you had stopped the bank robbery, you were dragged into the celebrations, and Vash had been so happy to see you mingling with the townsfolk. It looked like you're turning a new leaf when it comes to your feelings towards humanity, but even so, he wasn't surprised to find that you had disappeared from the saloon. He found you on top of the roof, looking out. He talked to you, and you seemed completely there with him, not shut off like he often saw you, but still, you had called this place Squinny Coffin, a town you had left weeks ago. At the time, he had just brushed it off as a slip of the tongue, but as time went by, he wasn't so sure anymore.

He watches over your sleeping form; this too is very unusual since you have always refused to sleep in the desert, insisting that you keep watch as Vash sleeps. Very rarely has he been able to convince you to sleep while he is on the lookout, but on a number of occasions in the past few weeks, you have fallen asleep in his arms. He thinks back on one of the times you unexpectedly nodded off and how shaken you were by it. You had explained that sleeping is a choice you have to make knowingly; your body doesn't just doze off. But now it has become common. At first, he wasn't sure since he had the habit of kissing your forehead or cheek when he woke, or even when he didn't do that, the change in his breathing seemed to be enough to stir you. But now you just sleep, not waking up easily at all.

Vash realizes that whatever is going on in your head must be putting an incredible amount of strain on your body for you to be like this. You had explained to him how your body seems to be working—that it produces constantly enough energy to keep you going without getting tired—but lately that's all he sees: tiredness.

So many times has he tried to get to the bottom of things, but each time you either brush him off with an excuse, not react at all, or look at him with confusion, not sure what he is talking about. And like clockwork, every time he is about to lose his mind over the whole ordeal, there comes a day where you are completely lucid, smiling and laughing, and acting like nothing is wrong. On those days, you are especially likely to brush him off, saying that you feel fine and complaining that you just want to enjoy your moment of peace from the voices.

Over time, he couldn't help but notice that stimulation helps you be present; it used to be enough to talk to you, then he needed to touch you gently, holding your hand being enough, but the needs grew to stroking your skin and playing with your hair. Now it doesn't seem to do as much anymore. Adrenaline appears to be the main source of your clarity, be it a dangerous situation or physical intimacy. In those moments, you are there, head clear and quiet. Vash expects it to mean that the adrenaline and elevated heart rate hasten your healing ability to the point where it can overcome whatever stress your mind is under. But this knowledge is not enough; it's not the solution.

Vash pushes the rouge strands of hair off your face; you look peaceful. Tonight, you don't seem to be tormented by nightmares, but he can't say the same about himself. The worry he carries for you has made his nights difficult; haunting images of his past are only part of it; more often than not, they also include you suffering in some horrible way that all tie back to himself, his secrets, his sins, his being. He sometimes finds himself contemplating whether your future would have less pain if he let you go; could you possibly be happier? But he refuses to linger too long on those thoughts; he can't leave you alone in a state like this, and his heart still constantly longs for you, even if you are lying by his side.

He remembers asking you to talk to him about your troubles, your worries, and your pains, to share them with him, and to not suffer alone. But you haven't told him much, brushing it off, and it makes him feel somewhat lonely. He knows there is likely not much he can do for you, but he would still like to see you trust him enough to lean on him. Despite that, he can't blame you; he hasn't told you about his worries either, still carrying secrets he hasn't been able to tell you. But for him, it's more about not wanting to trouble you more, to not add his guilt and pain to your already heavy load.

The gas burner feeds a tiny flame; it barely flickers, and Vash would have turned it off by now, but your eyes seem to be fixated on it. He is glad to see that you focus on anything at all after this long day of tracking through the desert. You have been so distant again, your movements slow and absentminded as you do your regular "chores", like taking care of the toma while he sets up the camp. The way in which you take off the gear of the birds has been getting increasingly sloppy, not that it really made a difference, but before you seemed so detail oriented, the way you used to take the rigs off was meticulous and careful. You paid attention to not tangle anything, placing the saddles down gently and thoughtfully. Now it seems more like they slip out from between your fingers.

Vash adjusts his coat over your shoulders as you sit under his arm. His fingers grip your shoulder, the red coat covering both of your backs. A few times during the day, you had tried to clear your head and talk to him, but just as soon as you forced the first words out, you seemed to be swept away again, not collecting your thoughts enough to start a conversation. He feels lost, not sure what to do or how to help you.

Your head rests against Vash's shoulder, your fingers entangled with his. The silence of the desert is only disturbed by the few little worms fluttering around, but you don't know that because all that echoes in your skull is buzzing and voices screaming over each other—too many words and sounds all at once to make out any of it. You hear your own screaming among them, but it's just a small part. So many tortured souls seem to beg for you to remember them and drag their suffering into the sunlight. It has gone on for so long, increasingly getting worse to the point where you can barely form any thoughts of your own. Sometimes the best you can do is look at Vash. You see his distance, the expression on his face, and you feel so guilty and bad. He has been taking care of you, doing everything he can to soothe your struggles, but you can't repay him; you are nothing but a burden, something to sour his mood and hold him back. You feel ashamed, as you weren't even able to talk to him, to cheer him up, or to ask about his feelings and thoughts. You are weak and utterly unworthy of him.

"Vash..." you speak up through the momentary hint of clarity in your brain.

He turns to look at you, shocked by your use of his name. Usually, you would start off by calling him Red. Your face slowly turns upwards to look at him, your eyes somber and mournful, with something more, but he can tell you are with him in this moment.

"Could I borrow your gun?" you ask weakly.

"Why, love?" His eyebrows move into a frown. You generally avoid his gun; you don't like firearms, and he knows that, so why now, in the middle of nowhere?

"You won't like my answer." Your words have a tremor in them that he starts to feel in your body too. Your voice seems forced and calm.

"Why not?" He turns a little bit to see your expression better; all he senses is pain and regret.

"Cause I want to shoot my brains out, Vash." Madness creeps into your voice and eyes, Vash pulling back with surprise and terror.

"No!" he exclaims, but he feels your hand pull out of his and reach for the weapon on his thigh between the two of you.

For more information and chapters, check out the MASTERLIST.

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[danidanialsblog]

Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies Reviews - (Trusted Or Fake) Shocking

When you start taking Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies, you will be shocked by how much weight you have been losing. In as little as one month, these natural sweets improve your body's health and well-being. This is the way to go if you have been having trouble losing weight or just want to work harder at the gym. Thanks to these keto candies, thousands of men and women across the country have lost weight and built muscle faster than they ever thought possible. The best thing about them is that they work naturally to target fat stores and burn fat all day and night. That means that once you eat your first gummy, there will be nothing stopping you from losing weight. Click on any picture on this page to get your bottle right away.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

What's in Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies

The ingredients in Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies are all natural and have been shown to help people lose weight in as little as one week. Many things can lead to weight gain, which can be bad. Once you start taking these sweets, you will no longer have to worry about being overweight. Zinc is the most important thing in these candy chews. Zinc is important if you want to lose weight, so you should take it very carefully. If you don't get enough of this vitamin, you might not be able to lose weight. When you start taking these keto sweets, your heart and body will be healthier. They will stop inflammation in your body right away and make you less likely to get heart disease. Putting on a lot of weight and getting heart disease go hand in hand. We're so happy that you've chosen to take charge of your life, because if you hadn't, you might die too soon. Once you've tried these keto sweets, you won't need to try anything else to lose weight.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

Cost of Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies

The price of Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies is nothing compared to what you might have to pay for medical care if you try to lose weight in dangerous ways. It's fine to work out every other day, but you shouldn't do workouts that are too hard. The health effects of these habits can kill you. If you want to be happy, healthy, and able to move well in the future, you should try True Bio! Voted the fastest and most effective way to lose weight, you will see results you can't believe. We promise that if you take these weight loss pills every day, you will lose weight and feel better about your health. Instead of putting everything at risk with bad habits and workouts, try this choice that has been PROVEN to work in as little as one month! You won't have to worry about whether or not you're doing enough with Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies. All you have to do to get the results you want is take one keto chew a day.

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Review of Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies

Travis J.

"If you have kids and a full-time job, it's hard to find time to go to the gym. I didn't know how to lose weight until I looked online and found out about Vital Ketogenic Keto Gummies. The directions were pretty clear, and I liked that I only had to take one keto pill every day and didn't have to do or pay for anything else. I popped one in my mouth every morning before I went to work. I could feel it working all day to help me burn fat. I've been taking these for two months, and I can see how much weight I've lost. I've even had to buy new clothes because of it. I suggest these gummies to anyone who wants to lose weight on their own time.

Ignacio M. Ignacio M.

"Because I'm overweight, I've always felt bad about how I look, so I never went to the gym and couldn't stick with at-home workouts. My friend told me to take these sweets because she had tried them and liked them. Because nothing else was working, I did it. Even though I didn't think they would work, I kept taking them. After a couple of months, I saw that I was thinner and had more energy to do things during the day. I'm so glad this is here.

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Official Website : https://vitalketogenicketogummies.com

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[nutravibes]

Tru Fit Keto Gummies Reviews – ACV Gummy to Burn Fat!

✔️Product Name -  Tru Fit Keto Gummies 

✔️Category - Health

✔️Side-Effects - NA

✔️Availability - Online

✔️Rating - ★★★★★

✔️Price (for Sale) Buy Now Here — CLICK HERE

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

When you start taking TruFit Keto Gummies, you will be shocked by how much weight you have been losing. In as little as one month, these natural sweets improve your body's health and well-being. This is the way to go if you have been having trouble losing weight or just want to work harder at the gym. Thanks to these keto candies, thousands of men and women across the country have lost weight and built muscle faster than they ever thought possible. The best thing about them is that they work naturally to target fat stores and burn fat all day and night. That means that once you eat your first gummy, there will be nothing stopping you from losing weight. Click on any picture on this page to get your bottle right away.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

TruFit Keto Gummies Ingredients

The ingredients in TruFit Keto Gummies are all natural and have been shown to help people lose weight in as little as one week. Many things can lead to weight gain, which can be bad. Once you start taking these sweets, you will no longer have to worry about being overweight. Zinc is the most important thing in these candy chews. Zinc is important if you want to lose weight, so you should take it very carefully. If you don't get enough of this vitamin, you might not be able to lose weight. When you start taking these keto sweets, your heart and body will be healthier. They will stop inflammation in your body right away and make you less likely to get heart disease. Putting on a lot of weight and getting heart disease go hand in hand. We're so happy that you've chosen to take charge of your life, because if you hadn't, you might die too soon. Once you've tried these keto sweets, you won't need to try anything else to lose weight.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

Cost of TruFit Keto Gummies

The price of TruFit Keto Gummies is nothing compared to what you might have to pay for medical care if you try to lose weight in dangerous ways. It's fine to work out every other day, but you shouldn't do workouts that are too hard. The health effects of these habits can kill you. If you want to be happy, healthy, and able to move well in the future, you should try True Bio! Voted the fastest and most effective way to lose weight, you will see results you can't believe. We promise that if you take these weight loss pills every day, you will lose weight and feel better about your health. Instead of putting everything at risk with bad habits and workouts, try this choice that has been PROVEN to work in as little as one month! You won't have to worry about whether or not you're doing enough with TruFit Keto Gummies. All you have to do to get the results you want is take one keto chew a day.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

Review of TruFit Keto Gummies by Tracy J.

"If you have kids and a full-time job, it's hard to find time to go to the gym. I didn't know how to lose weight until I looked online and found out about TruFit Keto Gummies. The directions were pretty clear, and I liked that I only had to take one keto pill every day and didn't have to do or pay for anything else. I popped one in my mouth every morning before I went to work. I could feel it working all day to help me burn fat. I've been taking these for two months, and I can see how much weight I've lost. I've even had to buy new clothes because of it. I suggest these gummies to anyone who wants to lose weight on their own time.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

Ignacio M.

"Because I'm overweight, I've always felt bad about how I look, so I never went to the gym and couldn't stick with at-home workouts. My friend told me to take these sweets because she had tried them and liked them. So I did because nothing else was working. Even though I didn't think they would work, I kept taking them. After a couple of months, I saw that I was thinner and had more energy to do things during the day. I'm so glad this is here.

►Visit The Official Website To Get Your Bottle Now◄

Get what you want!

If you take these keto sweets, you will reach your weight loss goals faster than you ever thought possible. As you just read, a lot of people have lost weight by taking these amazing weight loss pills. If you have trouble losing weight and are looking for a cheap, fast, and effective option to extreme dieting and exercise, you have come to the right place. We can't promise that you'll be able to get a bottle of this great way to lose weight if you don't act now. This is because the number of people who know about it is growing. Click on any picture on this page to get the best price on TruFit Keto Gummies today.

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[pornaddictionsymptoms]

How To Know If You're Addicted To Porn

Sure, everyone enjoys watching a little porn now and then. But how do you know if you're addicted? Here are five signs that you may be addicted to pornography:

You spend more time watching porn than you do interact with other people

Watching porn has become a go-to source of entertainment and escape for many people. It can be both addictive and isolating, preventing us from making meaningful social connections with others. Research shows that excessive porn consumption can lead to feelings of disconnection, shame, guilt, sexual dissatisfaction, and even body dysmorphia. If you find yourself spending more time gazing at pornographic images than engaging with the people around you, it may be time to re-evaluate the balance of your life and determine how to better prioritize interpersonal relationships. That could mean reaching out to friends or family more often or delving into activities outside of the home where you might have an opportunity to meet new people. Whatever it is, there’s no denying that real human connection is more fulfilling than any computer screen ever could be.

You prefer to watch porn over having sex with a partner

Watching porn instead of having sex with a partner is becoming increasingly popular amongst people who would prefer to satisfy their sexual needs in the comfort of their own space. What benefits one when engaging in this kind of activity are the choices that can be made - what type of porn, specific performers, and even fantasies. It eliminates all the realities of having a partner such as potentially dealing with rejection or feeling self-conscious. It can also contribute to giving someone an idea of how they'd like a real sexual experience to go when they do eventually decide on indulging in it. It's also great for those who don't have somebody readily available to have physical relations with, so it makes up for that need without having to look elsewhere for what's missing.

You get anxious or depressed when you can't watch porn

It can be troubling to face the fact that your mental health is sometimes associated with being able to watch porn. So many people have found themselves in this uncomfortable spot, feeling anxious or depressed without access to pornographic content. It’s definitely hard to escape the societal source of pleasure when all of your friends seem to have it, just a click away. Unfortunately, it's even harder to recognize when your need for porn starts overshadowing important parts of life like work, family, or self-care. The sooner you become aware and address these feelings the better it is for both your mental and physical well-being in the long run.

Your sexual tastes have become more extreme or deviant

Everyone's sexual tastes are different, and that is totally okay! Many people can find themselves exploring the unknown in their sex lives, experimenting with the extreme or deviant in order to spice things up. While this type of behavior may not be for everyone, it can be a fun and exciting way to switch things up and explore new boundaries with your partner. With open communication and trust, discovering your wildest desires can bring you closer together than ever before, allowing you to create an even more intimate connection.

You find yourself stealing, lying, or borrowing money to support your habit

When you find yourself stealing, lying, or borrowing money to support a certain habit, it can be a sign that this habit is truly getting out of control. It's important to acknowledge that and take steps toward enacting change. Seeking professional help from doctors or trained counselors can provide essential insight and guidance as you transition away from addiction and unhealthy behaviors. With their assistance, lifestyle modifications, confrontation of underlying issues, and commitment to mindful practice can empower one to lead a healthier and more satisfying life.

You've lost interest in hobbies, work, or activities that you used to enjoy

It can be incredibly disheartening to suddenly lose interest in activities that you have previously enjoyed. Anything from work to hobbies and social engagements can leave you feeling strange, confused and frustrated. Losing your enthusiasm for something doesn't necessarily signify a major problem, but it is important to take the time to figure out why you're no longer interested. Ask yourself why this has happened and try and think back to what might have been the root cause of that unappealing spark being extinguished, before putting a strategy in place to reignite your passion and spark an important sense of purpose once more. Set small goals and focus on revisiting these activities bit by bit rather than expecting instantaneous results. Taking small steps will also help keep your energy levels up and make it easier not to become overwhelmed.

It is clear that pornography has the ability to take a hold of our lives if we are not actively monitoring it and making the effort to stay away. The evidence presented goes to show that consuming too much porn can be psychologically damaging and can lead us down a path of increasingly deviant behavior. It’s important to monitor our behaviors, watch for signs, and recognize when it’s getting out of control and reach out for help if needed. Additionally, prioritize engaging in activities that lead to healthier relationships with other humans such as therapy, attending support groups, or speaking with friends or family about your struggles with porn addiction symptoms. In doing so, you will find greater joy from interacting positively with people you care about rather than turning to something that ultimately destroys your relationships.

[bread-tab]

#i was just liveblogging my therapy progress lol #did not expect this

i'm putting my tags in the post because the above addition happened when the post was at, like, idk, a few hundred notes??? and the one above that when it was at, like, a couple dozen. and that's the version that popped off, where i was thanking people for that dozen notes. lmao

and i'm pinning this so if you clicked my blog you can see that fun tidbit, and because i want to remember what an incredibly positive experience this has been. this is my second viral post (on any website, ever), and my first one was a shitpost about the frustrations of being sleep deprived. every single tag i see on this post is like "i've been doing this too and it improved my life" or "i want to get better at this" or "nice job OP."

this has, as you can imagine, been ridiculously validating.

and honestly, you know, i was just posting about a subtle habit i'd picked up that i'm not even that consistent at yet. i'm not good at this! the word "mindfulness" still makes me go eww. but here we are. turns out it still matters

the overwhelmingly positive response has really encouraged me to keep at this and continue finding little ways to bring more agency in my life.

so, seriously. thanks

💖

if you're wondering how to start this kind of habit for yourself...

someone in the notes recommended an app called OneSec which helps remind you to think about whether you actually want to open an app or website.

anything you can use to create a little friction or pause before you zone out works in the same way; isolating those apps in their own little folder, deleting the app so you're forced to use the web version, logging out of things, etc.

i use a launcher app called Minimalist Phone which, among other things, lets me decide how long i want to spend in an app and then prompts me to stop using it after that time. i encourage you to experiment with these kinds of tools and fight back against the mechanisms that exist to exploit your attention.

my own journey to this point was long and complicated and basically added up to millions and millions of small choices, decisions to try out ways of thinking and strategies to get better. those are going to be different for everyone. we all get these opportunities but they're very specific to our own lives. the principle behind it all, though, is that every little choice you make means something. every little experience you have. even if that's just looking at memes.

if you're feeling helpless, you can take the power over your own life back starting in really, really tiny ways.

start by making a specific choice like "instead of just opening an app and scrolling, i'm going to specifically search for 'cute orange cat photo' and feel a moment of satisfaction when i find one i like."

come up with your own teeny tiny goal that aligns with your interests. do that once to open the door. do it twice to establish a pattern. do it three times to make it a habit. do it again just because you can.

if making a goal feels too big, you can start with asking yourself questions. be casual about it. "what's fun about this?" "am i seeing things i like?" "what's keeping my attention here?"

it doesn't really matter what you ask as long as it gets your thoughts stirring. it's even okay if it's not a question you can actually answer. starting to notice what you're doing builds up the awareness that allows you to make choices.

the thing is, our brains don't really understand the difference between a little decision and a big one. under the emotional baggage, it's all just decisions. if you want to get more confident overall, you can trick yourself into it by practicing with these little things.

the practice counts. it starts with daring to try a new chip flavor even if you might not like it, or deciding you want to learn something today and googling "fun animal facts," or realizing "this youtuber pisses me off" and closing the video...

and before you know it you've slipped into applying the same thought process to bigger decisions and your life is changing for the better. it adds up. but you can start here, with small steps, where only you can see it and it's low-pressure. you have the power. you have unlimited chances to make it work. give yourself an opening, even if it's just a pinhole

somehow, amazingly, i have hacked the impulse that makes me mindlessly scroll on my phone. it's not gone but i've paired it with a conscious thought process that goes like, "what's my goal here? i'm looking for entertainment, for information, for something that makes me feel more optimistic and interested in the world i live in..."

and because that kicks in between apps, too, i'm not doomscrolling as much. i'm intentionally seeking out posts or videos or whatever that actually mean something to me. when i'm not satisfied i walk away or pick up a book instead. most subtle yet impactful change i've gone through in years

i did not intentionally set out to change this. i've just been working on my mindset in general. hey, turns out having a good therapist again helps

[doppopoppo]

Bundle of Feelings

|| Uramichi Daily Headcanon ||

|| Warnings: married, minor cussing, angst, argument ||

|| Uramichi • F!Reader || 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*💙

Silence.

Everything was silent. 

The only thing that could be heard were the trees rustling outside. The curtains swaying softly and hitting the glass door. The fridge is running in the background. And the heavy breathing of two adults. Hearts pounding in their chests. Both afraid the other may hear their heart wanting to explode into a volcanic mess. 

Otherwise, silence. 

Y/N hasn’t seen her husband this mad since she last saw him interact with his father. Uramichi was red in the face, a scowl permanently settled atop his facial features. The way he was holding her hand, squeezing it tightly for mental support. She doesn’t even remember what they were even arguing about, as her father-in-law bickered about the most minuscule of things. 

Today, however, Uramichi’s anger was directed at her. She had thrown out all of his beer and cigarettes. His wife was tired of having to deal with a drunk husband more nights than she wanted. Only sleeping when he was wasted and slurring out cuss words. The heavy smell of tobacco following his trail, making her scrunch up her nose in disgust. Coughing whenever she walks by as he puffs out smoke. None of these were healthy coping mechanisms. She genuinely wanted to help her husband figure out and find better alternatives. Healthier options. One that wouldn’t harm his health. 

As a gymnast, shouldn’t he know better? 

Little did she know, her actions would cause Uramichi to have an outburst. The most the two fought over what to eat for dinner, junk food or protein filled. He began the argument by yelling at her. Then proceeded to belittle her, what can she know? How stupid can she be? 

She cried and tried to calm him down, but he wouldn’t listen. “It's for your own good!” Y/N sniffled, “why can’t you see that?” She was hugging her own body. Unsure if it was for comfort or out of fear; maybe both? 

Uramichi sighed and rubbed his forehead, “I’m a grown man. I can make my own fucking choices for fucks sake, Y/N!” He’s never used such vulgar vocabularies with her before, this was a first. 

She didn’t want to change Uramichi, instead help diminish the fire inside of him. The one his father lit and kept throwing gasoline at it. 

“You won’t grow like this, dear. If you want a brighter future and to help your depression, we need to start fixing your bad habits.” She emphasized ‘we’. Because they were in this together. 

Uramichi had yet another strenuous day at work, all he wanted was to drink beer until he passed out. His wife’s cuddles no longer lulled him to sleep. Her sweet whispers felt meaningless. Only cigarettes could help him calm his mind down. Yet, she still tried to reason with him. Saying bullshit about seeing a therapist, hanging out with friends more often, or going outside that’s not the gym. 

“I know your fathers did horrible things to you. Such as forcing you into something you didn’t want to do. But you have to stop living in the past. Stop blaming your father for your future, which is your present now.” His wife tried to get close to him to bring him into a hug. 

Enraged at her words, “Oh my god, I could just hit you right now!” Uramichi threw the nearest dumbbell to him across the room. She heard a vase shatter, the one that was a hand me down from her mother. 

“What the hell do you know!? You’ve lived a nice and spoiled life, no inch of worries. No wonder you’re such a stubborn brat half the time.” His words were like a sharp knife cutting through her heart. 

She bent down over the broken pieces of vase. Shattered just like her heart. Uramichi’s eyes and mind were clouded in red rage. He hasn’t realized he broke an important item. One that was personally given to them by his mother-in-law. The woman who entrusted her daughters happiness to him. 

“Stop.” Y/N whispered. “Stop this right now!” She shouted at him. New, hot tears fell from Y/N’s eyes as she held into the broken vase pieces. She was in shock that her husband was willing to get physical over beers and cigarettes. This wasn’t what he promised to her on the day of their wedding vows. 

“You’re no different from your father, Uramichi.” She stood up. “An abuser raised another abuser. I can’t have this cycle continue.” Y/N went to put on her coat. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Uramichi was irritated that she had the audacity to leave in the middle of an argument. 

“Our child doesn’t need to witness what you witnessed your father do to you.” His wife glared at him. 

Those words flipped a switch inside Uramichi. Child? But they didn’t have any children. Then it clicked, his wife was pregnant. Was that the real reason she wanted him to stop? Why didn’t she say so in a better way then? It was too late to ask her these though, because she already left the apartment. 

The small apartment that used to be lovely thanks to his wife, now felt cold and lonely. The way it was before she came into his life. He took a look around the room and saw the mess he made. It might’ve been minor, but it left a big impact. Uramichi noticed the important vase he broke and ran out the door to catch up to his wife. Though she was nowhere to be seen. He sighed and went back inside and laid down on the couch. He screwed up big time. 

When morning came, it was raining but the smell of food tickled his senses and woke him up. He slowly got up from the couch and went towards the kitchen. He found his wife in her favorite apron cooking breakfast. 

“Morning.” She chirped. “I’m making American style sausage with scrambled eggs! Go sit at the table in the living room, I’ll be there in a minute.” 

Questions ran through his head as he sat at the table on the floor. The broken vase pieces are gone, but so is the vase. Y/N’s eyes looked empty, betraying the big smile she displayed. He saw his wife bring the food to the table. He quickly got up and helped her. Likewise, he went to grab some additional items to set up the table for breakfast. Was last night a dream? No it couldn’t be. 

The question was itching in Uramichi’s throat, he had to ask. “Why?” 

Y/N looked up from her place, “why what?” 

“Why'd you come back? I even broke your mother’s case.” He thought she walked out for good. He threatened to hit her. He vowed to never be like his father, and that’s exactly who he became last night. His nightmare coming to reality. 

Y/N put her fork down, “Listen, we are married, way passed the dating phase. On our wedding day we vowed to love each other until death do’s us apart. It is both of our responsibilities to make sure the other is doing okay. Physically and mentally. You’re always there for me, dear. I want to be here for you this time, in what I think will help you. I’m sorry I threw out your beer and cigarettes without discussing it with you. I just want  to see you make healthier choices for yourself.” she put her hand over his. “I found out about the baby after I made the decision a while back. It’s another reason now why I would like for you to stop, but the main reason here is you. This is about you and us helping you.” she stared at his eyes. “I don’t wish to change you, but help you. As for the vase, you can buy me another one.” She winked and giggled. “As long as we’re fine, it’s all that matters.”

It was a big change she was asking him to make. But he can take small steps. That’s what the couple decided on. To limit his alcoholic intake to certain days of the week. Same with his smoking. He didn’t have to quit, but he was trying not to be dependent on it. He has the strongest support laying next to him at night. Holding him tightly. Uramichi was truly excited to know he’ll become a father! He’s nervous, but he knew he’s not alone. He thinks about what he can do to be a better father than his was.

Author’s Note:

He needs a hug. And a raise.

Remember, who your parents are don’t define you. If something happened in the past, don’t let it define you and who you are today. It might hold you back from growing. Just remember to take care of your mental health! 💜

Enjoy!

[dienamights]

A Reverberate Lullaby | K.Bakugou

✎ The echoing howls stalk you, a ghost hunched on your shoulders, wailing like a child calling for rescue, who cries with no tears. Chanting for a hero that is willing to pick up the pieces of its soul and being, yet it is only left to wither. For the ghost has lost faith that such others exist and can only be cured by finding them, for you are the ghost of your world and love is the only true exorcist.

✎ Protagonists: Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Reader.

✎ Word count: 4.1K

✎ Category: hurt/comfort, Implied Mature Content MDNI, Prohero!au, Established relationship!au

✎ Caution(!): Implied Mature Content MDNI, mention of depressive state, toxic family, toxic coping mechanism, mention of reader’s weight gain and thoughts about self worth. Please keep in mind while every person’s reaction to depression is different, don’t belittle anyone’s battle when you don’t understand it.

✎ Author’s notes: Hello! Hope everyone’s taking care! Still on hiatus BUT I’m here to post my contribution to the Mental Health Awareness collab by @doinmybesthere​ ! This has been in the works for a while because I kept scarping ideas for triggering me lmao. This piece is very personal to me and I’m glad I am able to share my experience with you all, I hope that it might help anyone out there in reaching out and asking for help because I know how difficult and scary it might be! Please check out everyone’s contribution that they worked so hard for! kisses kisses take care!

OOH ALSO! Thank you so much for 900 followers aaaaaah! You’re all so amazing and if anyone has suggestions for an event to hold in June lemme know! I’ll also think of some ideas

» Masterlist | Requests | Taglist

The morning sun barely rises and peaks through your blinds, sunshine starting to kiss at your cheeks as you squint at the light, the room welcoming the warmth that is being brought into it after the evening’s chill that made you curl tighter in on yourself, clasping whatever heat you could muster than to turn around and find it in the heating pad of a body that lays next to you. 

An alarm only just rings before quickly being shut off, followed by the creaking of the bed when the person behind you shifts, shifts again, another time, before getting up and stalking to the bathroom, after letting an elongated sigh when they sit at the edge of the bed, not acknowledging your presence accompanying theirs. The door clicking closed before the trickling of water fills the quiet room.

Your clock reads 5 am when you squint at it, and you blink at the time before you go on with your routine, setting up breakfast while your boyfriend gets ready to go to work. 

Oddly enough, you don’t really quite remember when you started working on the food, all that you could see in front of you is nothing but a scene that looks like it’s out of a broken TV - there’s just so much static. The voices are distorted, as if they’re coming from a defective radio.

“Listen, this ain’t about me, this is about you and how you-”

“What about me? Huh? That you see me as nothing but a burden? No, you can say it-”

“You wanna hear me fuckin’ say it then fine! This is about you sitting on yer ass all day obsessing over her while she wouldn’ give you the time of day y/n. When will you fuckin’ realize that?”

The scene blurs and sways, and you feel your mind run at a speed you didn’t know it could muster, and you’re unable to keep up with it. The knife in your hand shakes vigorously and barely misses your fingers when you bring it down to cut the vegetables.

The sound of the bedroom door shutting closed alerts you, straightening your back when you hear the drop of your boyfriend’s gauntlet by his chair at the dining table. Katsuki approaches you with careful steps, his still ungloved hand circles your waist before pressing his lips to your temple, a gruff greeting of a whisper laced in between.

“G’morning.”

The familiar scent of caramel mixed in with his aftershave welcomes you, wraps around you and cradles you, promising everlasting safety and happiness. Yet, your heart wrenching sobs and muffled crash of your laptop against your floor that rings in your ears tell a different story, shrieking at you, roaring about your failures, mocking your entire existence.

“Made gohan, should be ready in a minute.” you mumble back, posture stiff at the close proximity of Katsuki and you feel the curl of his lips in displeasure pressing into your temple from both not reciprocating his greeting and your choice of meal for the morning. “You don’ eat gohan,” 

“s’why I’m making it.” The quick retreat from your figure is like a slap to your face, and you barely stop yourself from reaching out and forcing his arms back around you. Because it's the bite in his voice that halts your movement. 

“You’re still going?” you finally turn to take a look at him, the garnets in his eyes shifting, bleeding from hurt, betrayal, confusion, you really weren’t sure. And by God you had no energy left to try and figure out. “Yes I’m still going Katsuki, they’re my-”

“Yer really listenin’ to the bullshit spillin’ outta ya? This isn’t about em being your family y/n, we’ve been through with it already.” the space between you two feels like endless miles, pieces of the broken bridge you both worked so hard to build the only evidence of it ever being there, the rest crumbling into the valley in between your bodies.

“No, you’ve been through with it, I just wanna make things right, m-maybe I can fix it”

“It ain’t yours to fix y/n, when will you realize that?”

“No!” there you go again, sobbing pathetically. “W-why can’t I have a family, huh? Why- why can’t I, fuck, have a family that just loves and supports me a-and just doesn’t- ” your voice croaks, not failing to notice how Katsuki stepped away from the wreck in front of him. Probably having had enough of you, had enough of how troubling and bothersome you are, probably wondering how he got roped with all your shit and got dragged into your mess of a life.

His hands feel like scolding fire when they’re placed on your shoulders, halting their shaking as you cry into the palm of your hand to muffle the sobs, a habit Katsuki has been working so hard on to help you overcome, saddened to see you try and hide your vulnerability from him.

“Because they never made an effort, so why should you?” The tugging at your heart burns, the swallowed sobs feel like needles prickling at your lungs, making breathing feel like an impossible chore. You can’t help but feel restrained whenever you’re presented with the truth, especially unfiltered and unsugarcoated like right now, you know he’s right, you’ve known he was right a long time ago, but admitting it out loud just felt borderline impossible. 

So you do what you do best, push him away, all the strength you can muster barely budges his figure, the meal forgotten on the counter as you run and lock the bedroom door on yourself.

Your footsteps feel heavy, dreading the topics and scenes you’re bound to relive. The grip on the strap of your shoulder bag tightening as you push the glass door open. A sigh escapes past your lips again as you enter the restaurant, half-heartedly smiling at the hostess before making your way inside to look for them.

It’s always the same scenery, the kind that always makes you want to run away to the other direction instead of being dragged down into whatever hell this is. And you pause to question yourself, again, why you actually agreed to put yourself out there.

There they are, seated in the four person table, with two empty seats, one for yourself and the other for the sibling your mother always hoped to have instead of you.

Your mother’s pursed lip could be seen from where you stand at the entrance, the clicking of her tapping foot sounding as bad as grinding metals in your ear, you hate it, despise it

It’s the same clicking you learned to memorize, to anticipate, to fear, when she passed by your room, the clicking that made you smother your face in your pillows and swallow your sobs, because the sound of you crying brought her more distress and annoyance than concern for her daughter.

With another tug at the hem of the shirt you’re wearing, you approach the table, hugging your father when he stands up and nodding to your mom when she eyes your figure.

“Good morning mother. It’s good to see you.”

“What’s wrong with your hair?”

Here we go, you breathe out before tugging at a strand of hair, spitting out your words “nothing’s wrong with it.”

“Then why does it look awful like that?”

There are times like these where you are left to question your reasoning for accepting whatever invitation you received from your parents to have brunch with them after all those months, a moment of weakness deceiving you into believing it was better than to spend it in your empty apartment, with the silence that ate away at your sanity every second. The only evidence of life in it other than yours was the recently cleaned dishes and the note thanking you for the meal, the promise of cuddles and movies tonight making you gain just a little more patience, barely.

You refrain from answering, your response is to lower your head, drag the dining chair before plopping on it, a dreary sigh escaping your lips as you scoot your chair closer to the table. Your mother never changes, it’s been a while since you were able to move out of her home, and while your father tries to tell you that these brunches are a way to reconnect with them, you yourself know that it’s merely a chance for your mother to nitpick at everything you ever did or are doing since you left.

“How have you been y/n.” your father smiles at you, both of you ignoring the sound of your mother kissing her teeth when her attempted jab at you is ignored. “Uh, I uh I’ve been good, I just wrapped up with my exams and so far things have been-” 

“How is your hero boyfriend?” 

For a second, you contemplate whether to ignore her question and keep conversing with your dad, dreading the questions that are to be pushed your way regarding Katsuki, of which will be used as bragging material for when she meets whatever group of friends she associates herself with, but you know better than to ignore her with the way she gets when she isn’t fed with attention. 

“He’s uh, good.”

“Why isn’t he here today? What, too good to meet us?” your mother nags, and for the love of God, would that fucking clicking ever stop?

“No, he’s doing his job of, you know, being a hero.”

“Is he now? Well, what about you, hm?” She cocks her head as her nails tap the table. ”Did you think your father and I wouldn’t figure out you got fired?”

“How-” the gritting of your teeth is deafening at this point, your jaw clenching so tightly as you and your mother stare each other down. “Your dad pulled some strings, it isn’t that hard. So tell me, you like leeching off of him after you were done with us?”

“This isn’t, I just- I was- I, I had a lot of university work piling up a-and I couldn’t make time for my shifts and I just, it was just so hard for me to get out of bed these days and I.” why are you doing this? Why are you explaining yourself to people that don’t deserve it? Why are you feeding off of their acceptance, knowing damn well you never got it, and that thing was never gonna change. 

“Oh, I don’t wanna hear about you not getting out of bed, you’re here now aren’t you? This is all in your head y/n. You need to stop talking nonsense, what’re people gonna say about you, about me, when they hear you?” 

It feels just like yesterday, your figure standing and facing your full length mirror, your reflection eyeing you with identical vacant eyes. Fingers running through your bed head, a wince escaping you at the movement. Bringing your hand up and catching a glimpse of a slight swollen purple bruise along your wrist and the dried blood on your knuckles, the skin stretching upon rotating your wrist and causing notable pain.

Alas, that pain paled in comparison to when your mom barged into your room, blaming you for the way you were acting and belittling your reasoning. Beckoning your father over to replace your broken vanity and for your house maid to disinfect the space, the place sparkling clean and void of any evidence of what had transpired the day prior. 

The shattered glass was picked up and thrown out, the splatters of blood were wiped clean, and whenever you brought up, what your mom refers to as ‘the temper tantrum’, you’re ignored by both your parents as they continued about their day, fearing the shame it would bring upon their name if the event was to catch others’ attention. 

“Good morning! I’ll be your server for the day. What can I get you?” the foreign voice sounds more comforting than your own mother’s, and you almost laugh at the irony of it, but you only return her smile and take a look at the menu. Lighting up a smidge at the name of one of the dishes, while your parents place their order.

“Can I please get the soufflé pancake?” you look up to catch the horrified look on your mother’s face, followed by her clicking her tongue and shaking her head as if your choice of food was shameful. 

“Certainly-”

“Uh, no she won’t be having that. Get her the Honzen Ryori,” your mother eyed your figure -whatever was visible to her from across the table- before turning to face the server again “maybe cut down on the rice, God knows she doesn’t need the extra calories.” and waves her off, disregarding your protests and tapping her nail against the table top, her annoying method in demanding your silence, which you subconsciously react to, snapping your mouth shut when the sound reaches your ears.

“What was that for? You know I like having sweet breakfasts,” was fuming even close to what you are feeling? Probably not. “Yes I can clearly see that, you’ve let yourself go as well. Do you think that boyfriend of yours will stick around when you start putting on even more weight?”

At a loss for words, you turn to your father, who has been quiet this whole time, for any sense of support when it comes to his wife. But the way he presses his lips together tells you all you need to know, how just because he isn’t bad as her, doesn’t make him that great of a parent. That standing by while you have been bullied your entire childhood and well into your adulthood is just as bad as being the cause of it. 

“God forbid he realizes how much of a train wreck you really are and throws you on the side of the street, because you know damn well we won’t be here to pick you up.”

It began as a whispering in the air. The day had been beautiful -well, as beautiful as it can be with the kind of day you’re having- and the sky was like a dome of plasma-blue. The clouds had looked like airy anvils drifting under the gleaming disc of sun. People quickened their pace as the clouds began to gather in the sky. The postcard-perfect sky started changing. The beautiful cocktail-blue shade merged in with the flaming orange and mesmerizing purple as the sun sunk deep into the horizon, before beginning to darken into gravel-grey. Large pillows of cloud start to form, blocking out the old-gold color of the sun.

The first splatter of rain hits you when you’re halfway across the street, dismissing the need to take shelter under the roof of the buildings like some passersby are doing, hoping to see out the shower. Droplets of moisture begin to drip onto your head, sprinkling onto you like a gardener’s hose. It was well after your meal with your parents, and you had spent the last few hours walking aimlessly through the streets, making sure to avoid those covered by your boyfriend during his patrol. Hoping, praying, that something will clear your head, will help your poor jumbled mess of a mind forget about this entire nightmare of a day.

Should’ve listened to him 

The rainfall intensifies, the drops drumming against the hood of the cars that you pass by, there is so much rain that the sound blurs into one long, whirring noise, reminding you of the blades of the fan that you stuck your finger in, that one time when you were left alone in your house when you were only five years of age. Eventually, they fade into a musical chime as you push your drenched hair away from your face and feel the vibration from your phone as it rings the ninth, maybe tenth time. 

He told me so. 

Tall apartment complex building; you couldn’t see its end from where you stand. You shiver as you approach it, the doorman - bless his heart - running and placing his umbrella to futilely shield you from the rain, and you just laugh and tell him that you’re already drenched and just waiting to go back home.

God forbid he realizes how much of train wreck I am

Not wanting to dampen the people at the elevator and make them uncomfortable, you take the stairs up to your shared apartment, you usually don't mind the exercise but with how heavy you feel after the rain and day spent up on your sore feet, all you think about is locking yourself in your room and discover what kind of new façade could you try and fool Katsuki with when he reaches home.

Just how I trick him into thinking I’m not with him to leech off of him

Eventually and with a struggle, you make it to the door, dreading the sight you might come to face, almost hoping for a black hole to emerge and swallow you whole.

What would people say about me? Do people think I’m crazy?

With a forced exhale out of your lungs, you fetch the key from your bag to unlock the door, but it’s wrenched open before you have a chance to insert your key.

“Where the hell have you been?” 

Your eyes meet the beautiful rubies of Katsuki, and despite his anger that always overcompensates his worry, you smile and throw yourself on him. The shivering ceasing when he wraps his warm arms around you and that loving caramel scent engulfs you, in spite of how your hair is drenching his shirt and how you sniff against his neck.

“You need a shower, you’re shivering.”

“Take one with me?” you look up at him through your lashes, and he blinks at your uncharacterized boldness but agrees nonetheless, helping you out of your clothes and turning on the hot water before stepping in with you.

It is a struggle to help you clean up when all you do is grab at him, whether they’re your hands on his shoulders to lower him to kiss you, wrapping your arms around him and pressing your breasts against him, or palming his hardening cock as the poor man tries to shampoo your hair.

“Would ya knock it off? I’m tryna help you here shitty woman” you frown and squint your eyes when the shampoo gets close to them. “I wanna have sex.” 

“Yea I can fuckin tell, just lemme-” you bring his arms down and press his palms to your boobs, letting go of his wrist when he starts squeezing at them. “Do you not want to?” he gulps, his dick twitching at the feeling of your soft mounds in his hands, your nipples covered up by the suds from the shampoo, as your finger traces the underside of his cock. “Yeah, I uh, fuck, I do, just- you need to wash up so you don’t get sick, alright?”

“Do you not think I’m pretty anymore?” you pout childishly, tears threatening to escape your eyes, and they burn as you close them when he washes the product out of your hair, a deep frown on his lips when you open your eyes back again. “The fuck you on about? That rain really fucked with ya?”

“Are you gonna get rid of me when you realize how much of a mess I am?” you whisper, your voice muffled under the sound of the shower above you, and you keep quiet as he helps you scrub your body, but your boyfriend is observant, he isn’t fucking dense.

“What do you want, right now?” he lowers himself to your level when he’s done, his hands stroking your cheeks as he eyes the way the water droplets cling to your lashes, but still not missing the red rimming around your eyes.

“I just wanna for- I uh, I wanna have sex.” you mumble, a plea hidden underneath your words, a plea to help you forget, to help you bury this day behind you and pretend it never happened.

What you don’t expect is the way that Katsuki pulls your naked wet body out of the bathroom and drops you on the bed, feeling your bodies dampening the bed as he hovers over you, no words are spoken between you as he kisses and nips at your skin. Marking it up and down as he all but worships your body, strands of his hair tangle between your fingers when you run your hands through it, arching your back at the feeling of his tongue tasting your slick.

He doesn’t let up until you cry out, and not in pleasure, your sobs far beyond those he loves to hear when he’s denying you an orgasm. No, they’re sobs that wreck your whole body, kicking away at his shoulders as you curl in on yourself and wail into the sheets. Sitting on his haunches on the floor, Katsuki’s eye soften at your figure, the way your shoulders are shaking and how -yet again- you’re trying to muffle your cries with the sheets this time, pressing your face against the mattress in an attempt to lower your noise, as your mother would call it.

“Hey, look at me” you feel his lips grazing your ear as he kisses it, pressing his lips against your temple, fingers unwrapping your fist against the sheet and digging into your hands and pressing kisses against the nail marks in the palm of your hands. “There she is, there’s my girl.” you hear when you lift your head from the bed, sight blurry from your shed tears but still easy to distinguish Katsuki even between billions of people.

You sniff when he kisses at your lids, groan when he chuckles and calls you ‘snot the naught’ when you wipe your nose with the back of your hand, beaming when he hears you let out one weak chuckle at the way he teases you. Still pressing his lips against any surface of skin he can reach.

“You don’t have to talk about it you know, to me at least” he mumbles to you when you’re both dressed in your sleepwear and are cuddling on the dry side of the bed, opting to change the sheet the next day. “Maybe, maybe we can get someone who can help you, you know.” you press your face deeper between his neck and shoulder, shuddering when his warm palms rub your back from under your shirt. 

“I can make some calls, get in contact with someone.” you lift your head. “But I can’t afford-” he tuts and frowns at you “None of that.” 

“Remember what I said when we agreed to move in?” you do, you just love the sound of his voice when he says it, feels like he’s making all these promises all over again. “Tell me.”

“Told ya I’d be whoever you want me to be, whoever you need me to be. I’ll be yer mom, even better than that bitch, I’ll support and love you unconditionally.” you sniff and tighten your hold against him as he presses his lips against your cheek. 

“I’d be better than yer pussy dad, you can rely on me any time and I’ll live up to all your expectations. And callin me daddy is always a plus” he tangles his legs with your own when you wiggle away from him, laughing and giving you no chance of escape, not that you are even thinking of it. 

“I’d even be yer genius fuckin nanny that taught you to tell yer mom to go fuck herself when you were four,” your suppressed giggles lights him up and he can’t help but chuckle as well. “I’ll be anything and everything you’ll ever need, baby. I’ll be your goddamn hero.”

The sun comes out again, casting slanted beams of light across the buildings. Steam rises slowly from the greenery. It rises up eerily and drifts mist-like towards the molten-gold sun, right before it escapes into the abyss. The image is so vivid that it stays with you for as long as you remember. Because on this exact day, the shrieking that follows you everywhere you go, haunting you and mocking you, suddenly is nowhere to be found. And all you can hear is the comforting sound of Katsuki as he hums you a lullaby to sleep.

aaaah I hope you like it!

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Good Girl, Bad Boy (Pt. 15 of 15)

Pairing: Billy Hargrove X Reader

Word count: 1.5 K

Summary: You're the extreme opposite of Billy Hargrove. The good girl, with perfect grades, the child every mother wants to have. And you don't want to have nothing to do with his kind. Ignoring Billy – and his constant, lingering stare – became an habit. But after you're put together for a special school program, you'll have no choice but to get along with him. And soon enough you'll find out that Billy is so much more than just Hawkins' bad boy.

<-Previous part (14)

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

{Dacre Montgomery Masterlist}

×

Leaving Hawkins

“Billy, I can't close this one.” You whine, pushing your baggage and trying to pull the zipper.

“Do you really need all that?” He asks, gesturing at your two huge pieces of baggage, and the one you can't close, a bit smaller.

“Yes. These are my clothes and stuff. We're moving out, I'll need all of it.” Batting your eyelashes, you take Billy's hand. “Just help me close it, please?”

He rolls his eyes dramatically before working on your stuff. And there's a small pile of clothes that won't let it close. “I'll rip the zipper if I push it further.” As he speaks, he takes off what's on the way and the thing closes down easily.

“What am I going to do?”

“I have a bag you can use. But we'll have to drive back to my place before hitting the road.”

“Hitting the road...” You mutter, sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Something wrong?”

“No, I just... Can't believe it.” Looking down at your hands, you sigh. “I was expecting this moment for so long and now is actually happening. I'm going to college. We're both going to college. Together. And this is–”

“Amazing.” He finishes off for you, sitting by your side. “(Y/N), I... I've heard from some people that I'd never be anyone. That I'd have a miserable life and I swear I didn't care. I was fine with it but now it's different. Now I have you and I want to give you the whole world.”

“You already do.” Tracing the outline of his jaw, you stare into his blue eyes. “And the future that waits for us will be great. You'll be an amazing Marine Biologist...” As you speak, you move to sit on his lap, arms around his neck. “...And I'll be an awesome Architect. And our kids will know their parents are soulmates, meant to be together.”

“Pretty girl, you couldn't be more right.” And he claims your lips on a kiss, fast and needy, that has to be cut off way too soon because of the footsteps coming towards the bedroom.

“Kids, it's getting late.” She says, and before she can come in, you stand up. “I don't mean to kick you out but the road to California is long and you have a certain time to reach the hotels you'll be sleeping in and–” She stops talking suddenly, swallowing hard. “Baby, I'm gonna miss you.” She pulls you into a hug, way too tight. “Call me from the hotels and the moment you set foot in California, hear me? I'll visit you as soon as I get my days off.“

“Alright, mom.” Giggling, you pull away. “We're ready to go. We'll have to stop at Billy's to get another bag but that's it. I'm officially leaving Hawkins.”

“Dear God, I thought this day would never come.” She mutters but helps you with the baggage anyway.

At the sidewalk, she hugs you and Billy once again, holding you for way too long. But you don't blame her. One day, it'll be you saying goodbye to your kids, and you know you'll feel the same.

“Hargrove, take care of her.” She says, finally letting you go. “Make sure she's eating well, and watch out for her allergies and–”

“Mom, Billy will take care of me just fine. And I'll take care of him as well.” You assure her, giving her one last kiss on the cheek before getting inside the car.

And then, Billy starts driving.

It's not like your leaving Hawkins yet, but you are leaving your house and your mother.

Holding back the tears, your take Billy's hand. “The first day of the rest of our lives.” You mutter, looking at the houses passing by.

“It'll be wonderful.”

Nodding, you smile. “It sure will.”

Twenty minutes later your stopping by his house for the last time. But there's something you notice immediately. And so does Billy, as all his body gets tense.

Neil's car is here.

“Wait here, alright?” You quickly nod, but before he can leave the car, you pull him towards you, just to kiss him.

You've never met Neil. Billy doesn't want you anywhere near that devil of a man. And you're alright with it. As you watch him leaving the car and getting inside the house, you regret making him do that just to get you some stupid bag.

On the day Billy finally told you everything, about who his father really is and what he did, you saw your boyfriend cry for the first time. And on that night you held him, not giving a damn to what would happen if your mother caught him in your bedroom. He needed you.

>>>>>>>>>>>> And maybe he needs you< now.>

Taking a deep breath, you step out of the car, and when you reach the porch, you hear a yell. Your heart skips a beat as you run for the door, but on the moment you open it, Billy is already coming out, a black bag in his hand. He stops when he sees you, eyes going wide.

“B, are you alright?” You ask in a soft voice.

“I am, pretty girl. C'mon.” He walks out, taking your hand.

“So this is the plaything you're using this time.” The voice, harsh and loud, comes from inside the house. Both you and Billy stop, turning around. “Sweet little thing. Don't ruin her life as you did with yours.”

“I'll never understand what kind of sick pleasure you have on stepping on me!” Billy yells, moving forward, but not letting go of your hand. “There are a lot of things I should say to you but I just realized it doesn't matter. You don't matter.”

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> “You won't say anything because you know I'm right.” Neil laughs, eyeing you up and down as if you were nothing. Neil thinks everyone is nothing. < Because that's what he sees every time he looks in the mirror.>

>>>>>>>>>> “I won't say anything because it doesn't matter. Because <you> doesn't matter.” Billy says, squeezing your hand a little. Stepping closer, you lay your forehead on his shoulder, just so he knows you're here, with him. “There are much more important things in my life right now, and it finally made me see who you are and who I am. And I'm so much more than you.”

You can't believe the words coming off his mouth.

And you can't believe you have a part in it. In this change, in this strength.

“You're just a–”

“He's just an amazing man.” You decide to speak, locking eyes with Billy before looking at Neil. “Billy is everything, and you're nothing. Just a sad, mediocre man, who needs to make others feel bad just so you feel better about yourself.”

“I'm leaving now, father.” Billy spits the last word as if it was poison in his mouth. “And I don't want or need you in my life. In our lives.” And he starts walking again, and just before you turn around, you notice a bruise forming on Neil's face. “Hope I'll never see you again.”

A river of profanities leaves Neil's lips, in yells and curses. You keep an eye on Billy, checking if he wants to go back there. To kick him in the gut or something, but Billy is oddly... Peaceful. As he drives away. For good.

“...B.” You say in a low voice, reaching out a hand to touch the nape of his neck. “Are you alright?”

Sighing, he glances at you. “I am.” There isn't a hint of doubt in his voice. “Today I just... He started yelling and I started to feel like before but them... Then I thought about you. And it just clicked.” There are tears in your eyes, and you don't even try to hold them back. “You showed me how good life can be. And the man I want to be, for you. Because you deserve all the love world and I'll give it to you. Through studying, having a good job, and building a life together. Getting married and having kids. All of it. I want all of it... With you.”

“I love you.” You whisper, wiping some tears away. Luckily, he's forced to stop at the red light, and you get the chance to lean on him, kissing all over his face until your lips finally meet his. “I love you, B.”

“Love you too, pretty girl.” He replies, looking up at you on your awkward position, kinda on him, but not really. “I–” He's cut off by some idiot blasting the horns behind.

Rolling your eyes, you go back to your seat as Billy starts moving again. “Don't even bother, we'll have a lot of time to make out.”

“I'm counting on it.” With a wink and a sassy smirk, Billy makes you blush and smile again, as you both cross the sign that says ‘Leaving Hawkins’.

The road is long, and the next years will certainly be difficult. But as long as you're together, you can take it all.

×

@multific @tina1938 @graciehams @moatsnow @all-the-stars-on-your-skin @captain039 @rebelemilu @prettyinpunk85 @taisab02 @pascal-rascal424 @aleksanderblack @gruffle1 @boomhauer

[husbandohunter]

May I request a Childe X Reader fanfic where the reader has been pushing herself too hard lately and so Childe has to forcefully get her to rest? ty

By my side [Childe x Reader]//Genshin Impact

Synopsis: You were an artist and he was an adventurer. Two people from vast backgrounds and Childe just wants to spend some time of his busy life with you. However, things didn't really go his way...at first.

(Childe x F!reader. Its all fluff)

(A/n): Perfect request anon. I too, would like to have a Childe in my life. Been getting 5-6 hours of sleep on average 😃😁. Yeah kind tossed some extra ideas with artist s/o, its a perfect reason for anyone to be busy.

============================

Once recieving the permission to take a week off from his diplomatic duties, the first thing Childe thought of was none other than his lovely significant other.

The harbinger knew quite well what lays ahead of his ventures to Liyue. During his quest for the archon's gnosis, he encountered many interesting events, such as meeting the rumoured traveller hailing from afar and a broke yet courteous man who turned out to be the ultimate ruler of this very country he walks upon then there was the battle against a dead god until he revived it using the sigil of permission. All of them were great additions to his story as Ajax the hero, something he always wanted to pursue since childhood. In which, also gave him something nice to write about when preparing letters for his siblings living back home. But little did the harbinger know that he'll one day bump into the heroine. A little too soon. Through your little art shop, he met you, a sweet and audacious woman with plenty of humour. That was how it all began.

While he strides down the streets between Liyue's exquisite buildings, Childe suddenly stops in his tracks and looks up to the sky. There, was painted a scenery of an evening dusk, sun rays relfected across until red and orange hues cast a river stream that led to the ends of the world. He watched the birds follow that streak like it was a path made for them to fly towards. A new adventure. You would have loved to captured this in your pictures.

And then he wonders, what might you be painting right now?

"Hey babe, I'm home~"

In a sing-song voice he calls out to you by your nick-name. You knew that Childe was an active member of the Fatui and that his time was limited, hence he made sure to write to you as well. Of course long distant relationships only makes the waiting more anticipated. When he does pay a visit, you'd run straight into his open arms, leaping off your feet to engulf him in one enourmous embrace. Then his hands will hold against your waist as he spins your round and around in the air, stealing the laughter out of your lungs before planting you back on the floor. Sometimes Childe would consider that being far away wasn't be such a bad idea as long as he was able to experience this, the harder the battle, the sweeter the victory. However...

"That's great."

He was met by a response similar to the wintry grace of Snezhnaya.

Huh?

All the fantasies he had from earlier shatters in the background as he stands there frozen. You didn't even spare a glance to the entrance, eyes still glued to the large canvas displayed at your front, too busy to even care. Childe clicks his tongue between the awkward silence with an uncertain expression. When there was no signs of initiation on your part, he shuffled his way to where you were and observes from behind.

"Well you're particularly quiet today," he muses to himself, placing a hand over his hip, "I guess that painting of yours must be really important then."

It was obvious that he was trying to nudge you into his favour. Something that you've found endearing was how quickly your boyfriend can be when he's in a needy state. So you quickly twisted over to peck him on the cheek before going back to work.

"That's better," Childe satisfiedly grins, "So who is this project for?"

"It's a commission requested by a wealthy family serving the Qixing. They're really influential in terms of the market and can really give me a competitive edge. I have to get it done in five days."

His tone flactuates as he squints his eyes, "Five days you say," he disliked the news of your schedule taking over his own, Childe only managed to take a week off and after that, he'll be away for quite some time, "Why don't you take a break? From the looks of your progress, it seems to me that you've been working on it for hours. I've got plenty of interesting stories to tell and you know, nothing can compare to sharing a warm meal within your company," he leans down to your ear level, "How does that sound?"

Several seconds went by as he waits for some sort of reaction, "Oh. Right," you blurted out and the harbinger only smiles, "I made some food earlier this morning. You can go help yourself if you're hungry."

Today was not his day.

Childe pulls out the wooden chair and slumps into the seat, a defeated huff escaping his mouth as he stared at the crystal shrimp placed on the table. It was hastily wrapped by plastic, most likely cold for a while, just like the romantic evening he had planned in his head. Normally you'll be sitting on the otherside while listening to the many tales he went through along the way. Although painting was your passion, it was undeniable that you also enjoyed his kind of lifestyle if you ever had the choice. He was rather surprised on how someone ambitious like him would end up with such a simplistic person but quickly accepted it as life was meant to be unpredictable, just the way he likes it. As Childe entertains you with his stories, he'll listen to your giggles amidst eating the homecooked meals that you both prepared together.

"I wonder if she ate already," he mumbled to his lone self. You most likely did but Childe knows you well. Artists are obsessed and they can go as far as to neglecting their own health for the sake of their masterpieces. Hence, he made sure to remind you to eat properly through the letters he wrote to you.

The harbinger takes a quick glance around the kitchen. It was a mess. The cupboards were slightly opened, metal pots were still displayed on the stone stove and the stench coming from the sink....

Childe pushes himsel up to see what was the cause.

Not even the dishes were washed.

Running his fingers through his bangs, he sighs wearily, "Old habits die hard huh?" And above all else, when artists are obsessed they also forget how disorganized they can become. Childe begins to roll up his sleeves before taking off his gloves. At times like this he'll have to pitch in and take care of it for you, "Looks like I'll be here for a while."

Throughout three sunsets and three moonrises, Childe had no option but to observe you from afar, minus the few attempts he made to regain your attention again. How you would go to bed much later than him, waking up before he opens his eyes and the effort he put into making your food only left with too many leftovers. It wasn't that you were unappreciative, instead, your mind had become too focused that your body was considered a second priority. Like anyone else, Childe genuinely thought you possessed great talent and supports you wholeheartedly. He loved it when you painted pictures just for him as if they were scenes coming out of his hero story, reminded by his adventures, capturing every detail. However he also needed to learn how to deal with this stubborn side of yours.

"Hey babe, I just finished preparing our dinner. Don't you smell that? Such a rich aroma, you should go eat."

"I'm busy."

Your diet were just small bites, the rest being substituted by coffee. Childe could clearly tell that you weren't getting enough sleep either as there were dark circles forming underneath your eyes and slowly, he was starting to become a little irritated.

Three hours passed midnight but you were still awake in the same place doing the same thing. Childe leans against the doorframe with arms folded, already changed into his sleeping clothes. He clears his throat to break the silence, "Ahem."

Your wrist hangs in mid air by the sound of a strange visitor, it was your boyfriend. Gaze in a daze, you lazily turned your head, "What time is it?"

"Way passed the sleeping hours as you can see," he points with his thumb at the table clock in a half-hearted manner, "You should already be in bed by now and don't think you can coax yourself out of the situation this time," his eyes parted in slits as he added with a smile, "Otherwise I might just have to force you myself."

You shook your head, "Give me one more hour? There's some finishing touches I really want to add so," clasping your hands together, you beamed sweetly, "Pretty please? I'll finish up soon."

"Oh really?" Childe challenges, head tossed back like he was interrogating you instead, "I believe that was also what you told me yesterday. And the day before? Adding up all of those days that would be.....four in total?" He deliberately counts upon his fingers before facing you again, this time his expression was slightly more serious, "As much as I find your determination remarkable, there are moments when you need to consider a sufficient amount of rest and this just isn't going to cut it."

"Four days already?!" You exclaimed, "Jeez, I don't even know if I'm halfway done."

Pressing his lips together, Childe glares in an acutely deadpanned countenance, it was also his time too, "Can't you ask this commissioner to extend your due date to next week? In your case, mora shouldn't be the issue since, well...you're dating me anyways."

It's true. Childe was the main reason why you didn't have to live as a starving artist. He had all your expenses fully covered from the marketing aspect to your residence, you simply chose to work out of pure will.

"I don't want to always rely on you so much," you confessed, "This commissioner could turn my whole career around. If I'm able to gain his favour, maybe I'll get promoted to a court painter for the Qixing! Who knows when there will ever be a chance like this again," pumping your fists, you spoke purposefully, "I'll pull an all nighters if I have to!"

Childe brings his hand to his forehead, you looked as if you were nearly about to collapse and yet still considering the option of an all-nighters? The harbinger should've detained you days prior before.

"Hm? Childe, what's wrong?" He suddenly falls deadly quiet and you watched him walk closer towards you, "What are--"

Hooking an arm behind your knees and the other at your back, your boyfriend lifts you up in one full swoop as he tossed you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

"Guess we'll have to do things the hard way," he remarks cheerfully.

"W-Wait," you flailed your arms and kicked your legs but to no avail. Childe was an experienced combatant indeed, "Put me down! I have work to do."

Your protests fall upon deaf ears as the harbinger carries you to your room. You were oddly lighter than the last time he carried you, the strength less vigor than before, it was obvious that your body was in need of relaxation. He suddenly thinks there was a possibility that you would maintain this habit while he was absent.

I should probably visit more often.

Using his free leg to nudge the door open, he places you upon the shared bed in a gentle manner. You winced at the impact of the soft sheets, surprised by how much it affect you.

"There we go. All done. Man, you really are a stubborn one, aren't you. Makes me a little worried since I can't spoil you all the time."

He quickly invited himself to the empty space on your bedside and wrapped his arms around your figure, pulling you close and feeling you whole. Childe made sure there was no escape once putting his chin above your hairline so that you could feel his warmth as much as possible.

"This is--" you stuttered. His tactic was enough to make your limbs soften and you could almost hear him smirk into the distance, "This is cheating..."

"You think so?" He comments as if pledging innocence, "I don't know babe. Where I come from those who take the initiative are the ones who end up claiming the prize," pulling back, Childe takes the opportunity to observe your pouty face, "I don't make the rules. It's just how it goes."

You wanted to argue back but he suddenly took the bedsheets and covered both of your bodies with, completely trapping you with his presence. He snuggles into you further as if you were a bear made of linen and you felt the drowsiness taking over your mind. The way he gently pats down the back of your head was enough to instantly lull you into a deep sleep.

"Cheater," you mumbled.

He laughs softly, the rumbles emitting through his chest, "I love you too babe."

Even after you've let go of your resistance, Childe continues his actions until he was sure that you were resting. He had been longing to touch you like this since living a chaotic life only made peaceful moments much sweeter, "You're such a hard-worker you know that? I'm proud of you but you have to know when to call it a day," he whispers, "If not, how can I go on trips while knowing that you're still refusing to eat properly?"

You closed your eyes and said nothing in return. All your senses were too cloudy to come up with a reassuring response. Childe listens to the way your breath evens as you intake his scent during the process. It smelled like the soap you used in the showers, lotus leaves mixed with his own unique musk. You could only focus on him. His comforting embrace. His slightly accelerating heartbeat because you were together with him.

Letting out one final yawn, you succumbed to his spell and allowed your energy to drift away.

The corners of his lips tug upwards, "Sleep well princess."

Childe reaches over to your desk drawer and shuts off the alarm clock before turning over to face you again. He couldn't fall asleep immediately, not when he had to consider taking care of the commissioner who gave you an impossible deadline. But that will be saved for another day, for now, he observes in silent serenity.

If he were to quit his job for a year, what would his life be like?

Peaceful. Something opposite of what he was living right now. Something similar to the life he had back home. As you arrange the many paintings in your little home, he'll offer to help you among the places you couldn't reach. Without a doubt, Childe was far taller in comparison. Taking strolls into the streets and trying the new dishes the merchants came up with. Then in the evenings, you'll both go to dinner dates while listening to the storyteller revealing the rumours of the legendary Tianquan Qixing. Although Childe loved the adventurous life he led, he had to admit that your domesticity and family-bringing atmosphere was a tempting idea.

Maybe one day.

He lightly takes a strand that had fallen over your nose and tucked it smoothly behind your ear. The soft snores coming out of your parted lips caused his gaze to melt. And so he steals them with his own, placing a chaste goodnight kiss.

One day I'll be sure to bring my family here with us.

Closing his eyes, he joins you in your slumber, hoping to see all that he envisioned in his dreams.

[babesonly]

fic recs 2.0!

hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest

Canonverse

I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)

I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.

Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.

"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.

a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it

on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)

“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”

hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible

dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)

Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.

dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh

Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)

Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.

hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)

Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.

S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god

the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)

Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."

MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids​ purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god

Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)

Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.

Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs

JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS. 

hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)

Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.

they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)

In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...

an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)

Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.

The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.

hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)

This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny. 

ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...

love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)

ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!

These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.

for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot

the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out

Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)

Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.

cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much

Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)

The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.

written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3

sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)

"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.

very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good

Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)

“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”

Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.

early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please

Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)

Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.

Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.

oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)

He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.

this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3

First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together

Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)

Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”

op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible

the shape you take by noviembre (10k)

“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”

And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”

Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:

Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.

Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”

--

Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.

dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you

Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)

Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).

yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?

you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)

Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.

Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.

love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean 

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible

No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex

Bodies by Speary (18k)

It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.

i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality

it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)

So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.

“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”

“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.

Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.

“What do you remember, Cas?”

“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."

or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?

BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)

Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.

He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.

Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.

this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.

Dean was done with this shit.

***

Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease 

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)

His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.

His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.

this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)

Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.

(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much

Emergence by ellispark (58k)

Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.

A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god

a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved

Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)

Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds

Or

An ethics lesson from Hell

Or

The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.

deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended

Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)

Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.

There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.

Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.

With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.

saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read

Casefic/Roadtrip Fic

Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)

Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.

He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.

Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.

Castiel stills.

“Dean?”

the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much

before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)

Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.

thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)

After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.

OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.

this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good

Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this

best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)

It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.

the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much

Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)

Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.

Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?

one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3

Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial

Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)

Based on the tumblr textpost:

jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)

“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.

Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.

“What is it, Cas?”

“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.

“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”

There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.

tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)

Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.

It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.

Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.

Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.

Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.

i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much

Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)

Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.

Dean will tell him—

Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.

cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3

dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)

Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.

obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)

The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.

Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.

the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good 

Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)

When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:

Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.

The reality of the moment is this:

It’s fucking cold.

dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences

my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)

“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.

The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.

--

In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.

one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am

killing time by orestespdf (11k)

It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.

(A character study of Castiel.)

perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.

and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)

Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.

--

aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.

a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah

for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD

swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)

Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.

Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)

"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."

Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.

EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal

what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

~~~

"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"

"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."

deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic

Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)

Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.

So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.

And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.

"Hello, Dean."

oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.

SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss

ascend by quiettewandering (53k)

Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?

SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)

Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.

~~~

"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"

Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.

Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.

"What?" Dean grits out.

"I love you, too."

the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying

Endverse

final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)

“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”

"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."

endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god

The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)

The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."

this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds

to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)

cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.

oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao

the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)

The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.

this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach

Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)

There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.

The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.

PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.

Non Supernatural AUS

Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it

One White Lie by komodobits (11k)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.

separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)

Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.

~~~

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.

God, he's so fucking stupid.

Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.

"Three years ago," Cas prompts.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."

this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)

The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him

Non Destiel Centric

gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)

sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want? 

HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god. 

the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)

Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.

required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good

Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)

In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)

for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3

Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)

Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."

this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this