#it shouldnt be this way
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The worse other people around me feel, the worse I feel. Like, I'm not blaming anyone, I'm kinda blaming myself. I want to help everyone, but I can't because I'm nervous to talk to people. Every time I see a post of someone I do or don't know talking about how bad they feel, it makes me want to help, but I don't know how. I just feel so bad :[
#why can't i help? it hurts#i dont want anyone to hurt but its hard to help when im also hurt#this is the main reason why im so tired#i care way too much#i dont want to care but all my empathy explodes#i cry every time i see a sad post#im sorry i really do want to help#i hope everyone feels better :[#hugs for everyone 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂#everyone deserves better#apologetically rambling#i hate this world its so bitter and cold#it shouldnt be this way#also dont take this post as me saying you should stop venting on your account#im not trying to say that#people are allowed to get out their emotions (which is something i need to get better at)#sorry for the not so positive post today ill get back to posting my normal stuff soon#love you all and take care <3
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also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.
there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.
you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.
but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.
#like re: the last post#npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person'#but also people who have abused people in the past can still become better people in the present#you know?#and as i metioned vaguely in that post. the way we currently treat people with NPD probably CAUSES THEM to lash out at and abuse others#if u abuse someone they lash back out at you and suddenly theres fun mutual abuse happening#so they need a way out of that cycle
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his therapist woulda had a field day at their next appointment
#my art#doodle#fanart#resident evil 8#ethan winters#i think its so funny that he has a journal in re8. not only does he have a journal but he illustrates it. i dont know if capcom intended to#imply that ethan stops every now and then to jot down the horrors and the hour that the horrors occur my guess is prolly not#but now its there and it makes me laugh. i shouldnt laugh at his mental health journey but i am anyways#shoutout to people who journal i wish i was you but instead i draw a guy feelin my emotions for me#but im so happy the sun goess away at 5pm. truly immaculate. i miss snow. but we stay chillin#i made more dear diary doodles but these were my favs n they went well together#i changed the entry in the 2nd one though cause i thought it was funnier to me this way#i cut my hair too short again im not even sad about it anymore like whatever man#at least its out of my way. and my shower was SO fast i got to stand there 5ever and it was still only like 15 minutes#fantastic. there are so many joys in life. theres twice as many horrors but the joys are definitely there and they are definitely joyful#anyways thats the post stay warm n cozy out there gang
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Harmony Syndrome Part 5/5
The last chapter of my mlp infection AU! Thank you to everyone who followed along. Some final thoughts on my twitter @cracklewink if anyone's interested : )
#mlp#my little pony#mlp infection au#mlp infection#twilight sparkle#Sorry for leaving the ending open ended but I genuinely couldnt decide on just one way for things to turn out and I liked the idea of#leaving it open the most#in my mind sunset's final message is like we found a recording from the later days of the infection and we dont know what happened in the#end because the recordings stopped/ended#In any case I think they were able to put twilight and the others to rest#but who knows who survived the “final battle” and who didnt#also yes Twilight created harmony syndrome but not on purpose lol#it was the result of her botched attempt to create a spell that makes ponies immortal#obviously it backfired lol#and the irony is that twilight ends up dying before any of her friends#if they didnt want me writing my little pony horse tragedy they shouldnt have left mlpfim off on the note that all of twilight's friends#were growing old without her#ending thats been haunting me for five years#if anyones seeing this this is an open au btw so feel free to adopt any of the ideas if you like! : )#tw thanatophobia#thanatophobia
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you and yourself and conversations with no one else
#em draws shit#art#doodle#bill cipher#gravity falls#probably shouldnt have a window for a max security cell but. im sure they found some way to bill-proof it
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Could we perhaps get some more baby polyphemus and young Poseidon? They're just so cute 🥹
unfortunately ive really endeared myself to kid polyphemus and his shit ass dad
#awnrii art#epic the musical#epic the musical fanart#epic band au#poseidon#epic the musical poseidon#polyphemus#technically...#polyphemus epic the musical#ohhh.. i shouldnt have drawn them. now im way too attached to polyphemus
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in the bathroom at the gay clubbbb
#a less edited version added for plausible deniability that its not a mirror selfie#bc i know astarion shouldnt be visible in the mirror. but the vision was too strong#anyways on the dancefloor shadowheart is doing those goth girl dances from tiktok#and astarion is doing the fork in the garbage disposal#they dont get any btw bc they get too drunk on tequila and end up throwing up outside and#astarion has to call wyll to pick them up. he does of course#at the same time laezel and karlach are getting into a bar brawl someplace else#and gale is going snork mimimi at home:)#i really like how the shading came out here. adding highlights really helps with 3d shapes#and the way ive shaded shadowhearts torso had me feeling like pygmalion ngl#bg3#baldurs gate#baldurs gate 3#shadowheart#astarion#astarion ancunin#bg3 modern au#i NEED to draw shad in more outfits
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Before Zosan got together, Sanji would watch Zoro get flirted with pretty obviously at the bars the whole crew would stop at. Either Zoro would give in to the flirting for the free drinks or he'd slink off with the guy for a while up to whatever they were up to, but no matter what Sanji would be feeling this cocktail of emotions he couldn't identify. Seething in his seat at the guy hogging all of Zoro's attention and didn't understand why (yet).
Then like 3 years into their relationship, Sanji shoots up in bed and shouts "I WAS JEALOUS" and Zoro is groggily like "you hwha?" But Sanji can't talk right now, he's kind of having a crisis right now realizing he liked Zoro much earlier than he thought he originally did.
#i imagine the first time sanji felt this way was when they were all sitting together maybe this before Loguetown#so sanji would of only joined like a week prior#but this guy comes up hes got shoulder length blonde hair pretty average height and weight looks like hes around his mid 20s#and he just casually leans on the table not so subtly flirting with zoro#and zoro takes his offer of a drink happily nami and usopp whistle after him as he leaves with the guy#while luffy complains about zoro having fun without him#sanji is sitting there confused about feeling kinda angry about the guy? nooo no that cant be it because why would#he be angry about a stranger#why would he be angry about zoro leaving with a stranger? shouldnt he feel more concerned and cautions considering hes a pirate#and the guy could be a bounty hunter?#one piece#one piece headcanons#roronoa zoro#vinsmoke sanji#black leg sanji#zosan#zoro x sanji
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haha heyy its been a while 😭😭 sorry for the lack of activity here,,, school has been kicking my butt + i've gotten SUPER hyperfixated on disco elysium,,,, BUT THE MOMENT I SAW THE ORIGINAL I KNEW I HAD TO DRAW SAM AS THIS RAHSBBFBDN i seriously need to catch up on the recent audios 😭😭😭 ANYWAY enjoy :)
vvvvv ORIGINAL BELOW vvvvv
shhhhghhshhshhsh youre telling me this ISNT sam??? like????
#redactedverse#redacted sam#redacted audio#sam collins#redacted asmr#my art#god seriously my disco elysium hyperfixation has gotten so bad#its a seriously good game you guys#i love harry and kim and jean and judit and RAHDHHDBF#i was hesitant on posting more stuff on here cuz ive gotten traction for my redacted stuff so#i feel like if i post more art people would expect more redacted stuff from me which im not as hyperfixated on anymore 😭#but then i realised i shouldnt think that way#THIS IS MY BLOG#YOU CANNOT COME INTO MY HOME AND ASK ME TO CHANGE THE COLOUR OF MY CARPETS#so ALL IN ALL THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT!!!#I HOPE YOU DONT MIND IF I START POSTING FANART OF OTHER FANDOMS!!!#anyway SAM COLLINS THE MAN THAT YOU AREE AHDNDNGNNDF#im still not over you.
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Ages ago, I promised a sequel to my Ruthlessness sketches with my new Poseidon design, and well... See, I had a very specific vision for this, my beloved 🫶 favorite song in the whole entire musical. And I guess I was finally brave en- I mean, found the time to bring it to life. Enjoy 🙈🌊🔱
@glisten-inthedark look at what I've done now
#epic the musical#own art#epic the vengeance saga#epic poseidon#epic odysseus#get in the water#Look at him he's still so ✨extra✨#cw suggestive#cw nudity#at least i guess kinda?? nothing is technically visible but#guys i cant be the only one to whom this song has very VERY strikingly h*rny undertones#it's not just steven's suddenly quite sultry voice either#just think about how this is essentially “get into the water - which I control entirely - with me :)”#poseidon's trying to make him submit himself to him it's another power game#but this time it's so much more intimate#i mean the whole of get in the hundred strike is about brutal intimacy so i shouldnt be surprised ig#me omw to ruin this song for y'all forever i guess#just if you think about the implications what killing him in this way—drowning him—might entail before he would actually die#complete control and envelopment ... you have imaginations guys#use them to follow this train of thought further in this direction and you will realize#my guy could literally just impale him with his trident or sth#but nope—“drown. Get into my domain. Get into (an extension of) me. Submit your whole being to me. let me envelope you wholly."#or “grant me a moment of total control over you before i end your life just in the way that I imagine and see fit”#this is made so much funnier by the fact that poseidon completely fails to make odysseus submit in any way#and ends up submitting himself#yes i am doing 600 strike doodles next i shall have fun#i guess i should tag this even though this is genuinely not ship art just a part of the power game and poseidon's general h*rniness#odyseidon#poseidon x odysseus#odysseus x poseidon
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Guy who tests boundaries vs. guy with no boundaries
#my art#artwork#crow does art#digital art#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#ouaw torbek#ouaw frost#morning frost#torbek#frostbek#for the record i mean the caption in the most normal natural way possible yk#frost tests boundaries so he knows what lines he shouldnt cross#torbek has no boundaries because hes torbek#match made in some sort of celestial location
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despite his initial rough impression, lqg gets a "fun" rating on the gege scale
#arts#mottau#dragging lqg into the autism to autism communication array#sy thinks he is so cool actually. but he will fiercely deny it if you say so#lmao stupid little baby crush#he has! a cool sword! and hes fought so many monsters! and hes called the Bai Zhan WAR GOD#and also is more lax than his other geges in letting him do stuff that toes the line of things he shouldnt be allowed to do yet#such as you know imitating sword forms when he's not supposed to touch cultivation or combat for another year#in lqg's mind theres no reason he cant practice the forms. and also he doesnt even have a practice sword let alone a real one#he will get yelled at later#can you tell that i read dun meshi and it irreversibly changed the way i draw silly little autistic smiles. bc i sure fucking can#anyways releasing this from containment since im almost done the next chapter. incentive (for myself)
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Spoiler for Ithaca saga
"Used to say I'd make the storm clouds cry for you
Used to say I'd capture wind and sky for you
Have you in my arms prepared to die for you
Oh how time has flown"
Has me SCREAMING because he said that when he saw baby Telemachus and then HE ACTUALLY DID IT
Poseidon, the wind bag, the war and the whole journey, HE REALLY DID ALL THE THINGS HE SWORE HED BE WILLING TO DO FOR HIS SON RAAAA
#on an unrelated note#omce telemachus left and athenas theme started i just KNEW ody was about to go “show yourself” i love it so so much when i call a line on my#first listen like that EEEE#also love how the final message of this song is the opposite of what it seemed like the message would be at the start#ruthlessness SHOULDNT be mercy and Athena sees that now#it cant be that way for ody but a world full of mercy is the one we deserve#and what we should be striving for#here and now#that was maybe a reference to hold him down aha#ignore#epic the ithaca saga#epic the musical#i can't help but wonder
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thr playthrough im watching is at act 5. bros having a bad bad day
#vanny shenanigans#vanny isatposting#THIS GAME IS VERY POSITIVELY AFFECTIONATELY DRIVING ME CRAZY#siffrin if i could just reach through the screen. and shake you by the shoulders. while also introducing you to a spectrum of colors#you shouldnt be able to see.#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#siffrin isat#isat spoilers#in a way? ? ?
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(OC Lore and design time!)
(it got longer again ... sorry ... idk how to make things short, i just need to talk, but i guess if you can read the written stuff in the pic thats the barest bare bones of what i wrote here)
i was asked what new lore story stuff i had thought about that made me sad which i mentioned a bit ago, and while that is too hard to explain given all the missing context i thought i could at least talk about lore having to do with it :D
so, (Lord) Eadrya is one of my fav OCs (big blue lad, here a rough sketch in humanoid form) they are both one of if not THE most powerful demon alive and the most battle trained;
at the mid point of the story the demon world gets invaded by the celestials (the angel inspired things i talked about in the previous lore post with Xaror) and Shargon, as the king, should be their first and only frontline, but at this point his life is only being sustained by maschinery after being mortally wounded, he cannot fight (he realizes what is going on, rips himself off the maschinery to get at least his youngest child to safety, barely managing it before dying- the guardian, the demons god, takes over his body to attempt to fight against the celestials but cant keep itself alive long enough since its host is already dead) Eadrya takes the role of the frontline fighter (despite being very full of themselves and aggressive they care about their 'job' of protecting their own, also giving them the chance to show off just how strong they are); the fight was going well for them all things considered, but when the guardian activates it drains the power of all elemental lords (which Eadrya is one of, and since they have the most strength it also takes the most from them), so much so that they lose the fight and suffer deadly wounds (the worst being a spear through the chest made of a material that grows hard, root-like formations when in contact with demonic blood like a fungus but worse, also stopping any self healing processes) after the guardian falls apart it creates a huge shockwave of energy that stuns every living thing within a certain distance and possibly more-
Eadrya (in true demon form, so like a blue whale in size at least) was likely taken through an active gateway to the human world in a large tidal wave also created by the guardians fall; they wash up in the harbor of a small secluded village, the head of which is 'lady 13'; although never having seen a demon before and everyone being afraid (largely thinking its a strange hurt animal, only she suspected otherwise), they still gather all villagers to pull out the celestial spear, which is diffcult and brutal given that its already taken root, but the village lacked both knowledge and means to help any other way- doing so damaged their heart which is how they were able to collect samples of all three demonic blood types ('normal' -red like humans-, energy -essentially purely magic- and heartblood -highly concentrated energy only found within the heart of a demon and the only one to contain genetic material) (this is the start of Eadryas character arc, having to deal with the fact that their world is likely destroyed, them failing what they didnt think they could fail, having lost a battle so badly (even if not really their fault) for the first time and not knowing if literally anyone else has survived .. also being now stuck in the human world, which they dont like)
Lady 13 (placeholder name? stands for experiment 13) is a human that was tricked by demon hunters to enroll into a series of experiments trying to create hybrids of demons and humans, which they hoped would be powerful and easily controllable tools for their endeavours, though the two are inherently not compatible, they tried grafting body parts of demons on humans to make them compatible- all experiments failed except for her, more or less, though she never got to see the hybrid she carried and was then told it had died too, they threw her out believing she wouldnt survive much longer either and all such experiments were cancelled due to the high cost of human life, research material (demons are still rare) and upkeep with no successful results Lady 13 survived though (perhaps even via the pirates picking her up?) and she ended up living in said small village far away, hiding her half demonic body, though most know there soemthing 'wrong' with her (her being this tall when it doesnt fit the rest for one), only few know the full extent; she enjoys the life she has now, perhaps on the more poor side but safer and more loved than ever before; she largely lead the efforts to try and help Eadrya when they ended up in the harbor, though there wasnt that much anyone could do it was still enough- they leave immediately after waking up, but return after really having nowhere to go and struggling to deal with everything that has happened; over time (probably years) they start to open up towards the people there (though not .. very much) enough to get rather close with Lady 13 too- she actually falls madly in love but after Eadrya (extremely aro/ace) rejects all her attempts quite clearly she respects their boundaries
However, after hearing news of potential demon sightings Eadrya decides to leave in hopes of not being the last demon left after all; Lady 13 then decides to reveal her secret to them (though hearing and seeing what lengths hunters would go to for their experiments makes them absolutely seething with rage- she insists on not being out for revenge) and asks if they would be willing to donate a small amount of heartblood; shes always wanted to be a mother but is now incompatible with humans too- through things she picked up back at the experiments facillity, hers and her doctors research she is sure that is all that is needed, she dares to ask since she does not know when, if ever, she will meet another demon, much less one she could actually trust enough for this though Eadrya hesitates (why would she want to go through the same thing again that didnt work and threatened her life, if it does work, do they want to be involved with any of this? what if hunters find out it worked after all?) but after her ensuring that they would have no part in it other than giving up a little blood and would not be considered a parent in any way, nor made responsible for anything that might happen to her, but considering it all in the end they agree to it
only for her to reveal shes had a small bottle of it already, along with multiple samples of the other types, which she collected when Eadrya was bleeding out into the harbor not knowing if they will survive, though not wanting to make use of it without their consent either way (they are actuallly rather touched by this)
alot later the main group returns here and it turns out to have worked (though she is unable to walk/bedridden for a long while bc it did alot of damage to her body, which can heal since its demons parts, but only really slowly bc she does not have a full functioning system and no demonic blood of her own -she uses the other samples for the healing process-) though its a little awkward to explain, especially considering that 13.1 took alot after Eadrya xD (their theory as to why it worked so "well" that time is that even though the sample was already taken, them giving their consent for it still made it less likely to be rejected; demons dont need partners to have offspring, and all can do it, they just have to decide to- so them agreeing to it, even though its long been outside their body, still had an effect on the blood sample)
#ganondoodles#art#ocs#original art#oc lore#demons#monsters#WHY does writing things liek this take me so long#i spent two hours again on this and im falling asleep as we speak bc its almost 2 am#ANYWAY this was alot again ... sorry#but its a relatively new storyline that i have been afraid of telling#since it touches on things im afraid might come across wrong and uses themes im a lil uncomfy with#but i found it interesting ... and works well with eadrya as a character bc it challenges alot about them#yes im wrote and mean this genuinely#i would have made the cut from her human body to the demon parts more smooth ... but this hard cut is the point#so that she looks rather normal on the upper part and can hide the rest#thoguh im unsure about the color scheme and if maybe i should be more creative with the demons parts#then again its largely just legs lol#if anyone actually reads this ........ i hope it comes across correctly#i like to use darker and more mature themes but am riddled with anxiety over how it will be understood#im gonna work on zelda comic stuff again now .. sorry for all the oc spam#but if there are questions PLEASE feel free to ask im pretty sure i have answers to almosst anything?#also i havent thought of a name for her or the kid .. though im starting to like lady 13#13.1 wont do as a name though poor kid deserves a proper name after already being a weird hybrid that shouldnt exist#either way ... going to bed now GOODNIGHT q-q#(any typos are excused by me being deadly tired ok)
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(bighugemassive isat spoilers vvv)
thinking about loop in the sif is out au has me experiencing a very special kind of agony
just. just. siffrin, alone!! looping completely alone, none of their party members, not a soul in all of dormont, no star under the favor tree. only them, for years-decades-thousands of loops, until they finally, finally give up. until they can't do it anymore. and then waking up. in a world where their entire party is stuck in that time loop EXCEPT for them.
having to watch themselves over, and over, and over again, messing up and being utterly useless and holding every single one of the others back. the only idiot who doesnt remember. loop, working with a party that is no longer theirs to save a version of themselves who has never known a day of real hardship or suffering. a stupid, aimless traveler trapping each and every one of them here, loop included, who doesnt even have the decency to know theyre doing it! funny how there are two of them, now, and yet BOTH of them have completely and utterly failed their entire party in such drastically unique and awful ways. forcing them to relive this for eternity.
at least none of loop's party remembered. at least loop was useful in that they could take away the other's pain, shoulder it all on their own. siffrin can't even do that. all they're doing is hurting everyone more. and they don't know.
they're the reason, they're the key, it's their fault everyone is suffering and they dont even know!!!! useless. worse than useless. if only one of these loops they would just stay dead. it'd be better for everyone, that way, for their party and loop and even themselves. loop knows how it feels. loop understands. yeah the others have each other and loop had no one but at least loop is capable of helping the others now!!! at least loop can remember!!! siffrin doesnt deserve this he doesnt deserve the love and care and affection (affection he doesnt even RECOGNIZE, doesnt appreciate or cherish, takes for granted over and over and over again) he doesnt deserve to wake every day in blissful ignorance of the way hes ruined everything and everyone around him!!!!!!
loop who knows it all and who gets to watch the entire party except for siffrin work together and support each other. gets to see just how much better off they are without sif in the way. loop isnt even siffrin, anymore. theyre Good now theyre Useful now they Understand now. siffrin doesnt and never will. watching the careful, quiet way siffrin falls further and further behind. another timeline and still completely alone. thats just what the universe wants from them, loop thinks. for every siffrin out there to suffer.
and ohhhh if/when they break the loops depending on how that goes... siffrin who did nothing to contribute who did nothing to deserve this who shouldnt even EXIST being handed victory and unconditional love on a silver fucking platter and loop who just has to watch............
#isat spoilers#siffrin? more like sif is out au#I FEEL SICKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK#JSUT. JSUT. being compeltely alone. for ALL OF THAT.#and then watching everyone you wanted to protect everyone you left behind. leaving You behind.#all helping each other all of them together the way it should be. you shouldn't have ever been a part of this.#or. well. YOU should be. youve EARNED it. youve gone through so fucking much you GET IT !!!!!!! you get it.#THEY shouldnt be a part of this THEY dont deserve this not your party not the victory always held out of your grasp#im jsut repeating myself now but lord. i m so. im so. im so.#WHATEVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#alyalyoxenfree
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