#it seems really hurtful to me want to take away the connections that jess chose to maintain to stars hollow

[frazzledsoul]

The two things anchoring Jess to the Gilmore Girls universe in the latter seasons are his relationship with Luke (and to a lesser extent his mother) and his tenuous connection with Rory, the latter of which leaves him with more heartbreak and disappointment than anything else.

Jess chose to forgive his estranged family members, to make peace with them despite their differences, and to maintain that relationship into adulthood. He does not seem to hate or resent Luke or Liz, and as an adult he WANTS to support his family. These connections are clearly important to him and he made a conscious choice to maintain them. He and Luke are also close enough to talk about their personal lives and by the AYITL era Jess has replaced Liz as Luke's confidante, a role he clearly wants and seems to enjoy. He can go years without talking to Rory, but Luke is clearly an important part of his life and Jess chose to keep things that way.

Those relationships should not be taken away from him because he did not get everything he wanted from them as a teenager. Jess does not deserve to be isolated simply because he chose to forgive Luke instead of remaining angry. He clearly has a full and vibrant life beyond what goes on in Stars Hollow, but it is not to his detriment that he maintains a connection with the people from that place that are important to him. He deserves to keep the people in his life that actively want to be there.

I'm sure Jess has plenty of people who can fulfill the role that Luke offers for him if he chose to depend on them, but HE loves Luke and he shouldn't have to cut him out of his life if he does not want to do that. He should not be shamed for forgiving and loving someone who once hurt him. He should not have to lose one of the only things the narrative felt free to give him.

Oh, and as a final note? Luke has showed a lot more of an active desire to remain tethered to Jess as an adult and to keep trying than Rory has, even if he didn't agree with his decisions and even if their relationship was difficult. Rory has mostly chosen to stay away, focus on herself, and gravitate towards an upper-class lifestyle that Jess does not want to live. She is much less of an active influence on Jess than his uncle is. She is not a replacement for Luke's support and she shouldn't be.

[black-coffee-and-sugar]

6x13: The Gauntlet

Two enjoyable episodes back-to-back? I'm shook! Obviously 6x13 lacks the serious messaging and emotional weight of last week's episode but the silliness of it was actually entertaining. My thoughts:

- opening scene is a supercorp hug. christ y'all need to warn people! i was not ready. the way kara's face lit up when she saw lena, the way lena smiled back at her. the way they hugged fully pressed. my heart is full.

- kara n lena immediately whisking away to the fortress right after that for some alone time. i love where your head is at kara 😏

- look at dansen being all cute and shit! who gave them the right honestly?

- glad they continued with kelly still processing the stuff from last episode. and alex is really trying to do better. dansen is the example to follow when it comes to healthy adult relationships. i really didn't think this show was capable.

- it's getting harder and harder to like andrea

- i actually forgot willy was shot last season. and they worked through his trauma off screen. what was the point of showing him getting a blast of courage if we weren't going to see him face his fears and shit. y'all really don't like deep topics huh.

- andrea: where's the journalist i hired?

apparently crisis changed him from a stalkery dickhead to the nice baking guy he is now. sorry girl. valid question tho

- can i just say that everyone was looking exceptionally hot in this episode? like lena, kelly and nxyly in particular jesus help me.

- i haven't enjoyed j'onn this much in so long. he was hilarious. letting that mad scientist lady plummel him in the chest, saying "hold that thought", not moving away from the dragon fire.

- brainy possessed by veeta you could tell jesse was told to just have fun with it

- also did this kryptonian witch just say 'ya mon'?

- lena looking all smol and shit with her little white sneakers and soft clothes and her waterfall hair. kara! kiss this woman already!

- kara in the suit talking privately with lena. honestly never thought i'd see the day

- kara: you really don't believe in magic?

lena: i believe in you

NO ONE TOUCH ME!!!

- this seriously tho this is such a true statement. they both have believed in each other from minute one, when they had no reason to. and yea lena tried to hate kara for a little while but even then, she never stopped believing in kara's compassion and optimism and kara never stopped believing in lena's goodness and brilliance. just say the words 'i love you' explicitly please.

- interesting that kara's test of courage takes place during her rescuing alex's plane and not idk...all the times she was too scared to tell lena. she thinks it's that one random dude she didn't save and not the times with lena (something she admits terrified her). the only thing i can think of for this moment they chose is because yes kara embraced her powers that night but she didn't step out into the public eye as herself, as the last daughter of krypton. she wasn't vulnerable in that respect. because she was scared to be discovered. because she grew up with that fear and need to fit in (she talks about that in later S1). but i will only accept this IF the show ends with kara stepping out into the world fully and no longer having to hide or deny parts of herself. but i also don't see how you make the courage test about telling lena and not have that end with kara admitting she's in love with her so. that might be why.

- nxyly's courage test was actually very sad. i feel for her truly it's not fair what happened. but her being vulnerable about her feelings is interesting because kara still hasn't learned how to do that

- lena having some convenient device to contain the totem just cuz kara needs it. we love handy and resourceful girlfriends

- what was the point of having lena at the museum if she wasn't gonna be affected? y'all copped out!

- that device that was harnessing lightning also somehow made lightning? is that how it works?

- i ASCENDED when i saw alex and lena being the only ones at kara's bedside. like straight out of fanfiction wtf. how many more times are they going to establish that the two most important people in kara's life is alex (her sister and ride or die) and lena (her best friend and perfect partner). how many times before you make this shit canon?!?!

- 'a reluctant earth witch' it's a very interesting way to pronounce lena luthor

- but also, y'all are telling me that a human witch can tap into imp magic? reality warping magic? all-powerful magic? fuck, lena is really on her way to becoming the most powerful being on the planet

- kelly showing up because lena called. im gonna go ahead and assume this indicates that lena and kelly have also spoken about lena ignoring her message. and that they had a meaningful discussion about it and what happened at the ormfell. because as much as i love lena, she deserved to be dragged just as much (if not more) as the superfriends.

- kelly shielding alex was a good visual. kinda stupid but nice.

- dansen couch scene i stopped breathing cuz i swore kelly was about to propose. i love them so much

- supercorp couch scene is where i died because it came at me without warning. kara sans glasses in her civilian clothes. not performing as kara danvers or supergirl. here she's just kara, an alien refugee chilling with her best friend. which is all she ever wanted and she deserves it!

- kara handing lena her plate. stop it!

- but also lena is in the same clothes all episode. which means they left the tower together. and headed straight to kara's apartment. lena definitely slept over in kara's pjs. I'M NOT OKAY!

- this is the first couch scene we got since alex n kara in 6x08. where Kara admits she doesn't want to be alone anymore. and now she isn't because lena is back. god i actually can't.

- kara's face when lena tells her about being a witch. she's so smitten! they're in love your honour

- lena saying that kara is the epitome of courageous with such seriousness and intensity. even though kara tries to brush it off cuz she can't really agree right now, lena means it 100%

- lena's sad face when kara wanted to stay connected to nxyly even though she could get hurt. worried wife energy we love to see it

- poor nxyly must be confused asf

- but also it's canon that kara feels hopeful and happy around lena and no one can take that from me. and it's not just words. kara's behavior is different, she's smiling more, she's opening up. acting choices melissa explain yourself!

not bad at all. we were fed lots of supercorp after months of nothing. they better keep up this momentum. it was lighter episode in terms of emotions and what have you compare to pervious ones. seems like the season is officially kicking off now that lena is back. probably going to have a totem of the week kinda deal but hopefully they include kelly's storyline with the heights cuz i wanna see the conclusion of that.

[vansmaybeonthewall]

Lost But Found

requested by: anon

Masterlist

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was bad, really bad. Five women murdered in 2 months, the last victim found a week ago. These young women who had their whole lives ahead of them murdered so gruesomely and left behind in trashy places. The one thing that connected them?

They held a position of power.

Two CEOs, two police officers, and most recently, an ex-FBI agent. The killer was getting brave, finding and attacking women with bigger titles. But the team had one clue, whoever this person was, they were killing in twos. The next victim was suspected to be another FBI agent.

“Who?” was the question. Prentiss, J.J., and Y/N could be possible victims, making the case much harder to solve. The team didn’t want to give the killer another possible victim, so the trio would have to remain undercover until the killer was caught. 

But that day, Y/N wasn’t careful. 

The team was stuck, stuck trying to find the connection between the locations the bodies were left behind. If they couldn’t pinpoint the next victim, they would find the next location to catch the killer in action. 

“The unsub chose two junkyards and three dumps, far from where these women lived and worked. These places have no connection whatsoever other than being full of trash,” Y/N started.

“They specifically took women who had a higher title than the common person and purposely left them behind in these places to mock their titles,” Spencer added.

“But why choose these specific junkyards and dumps? They aren’t abandoned, so they wanted the victims to be found eventually,” J.J pointed out. 

“Do we have the names of the people who own the places? Employees names?” Derek asked.

“Yes! That’s it, I went to interview the owners. The files are in the car, key me Derek,” Y/N mentioned. Derek throws the keys and Y/N leaves before any other decision could be made.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N was making her way towards the car when her badge fell from her person. She didn’t notice until a slightly older woman picked it up. 

“Excuse me, you dropped this.”

“Oh thank you! I would be in so much trouble if I lost this.”

“No worries! Are you some type of officer?”

“Oh no, I’m an FBI agent.”

“Really? That’s great! Where are you from?”

“Well, I grew up in a small town in Ohio and then I went out and explored the world. I think it was the best.”

“Oh, must have been terrifying.”

“It was, for a while. Eventually I got the hang of it. But I have to get going, my colleagues are waiting for me.”

“Oh I don’t want to keep you from them, it was lovely meeting you!”

“And you too!” Y/N turned back towards the car and was opening the trunk before the woman spoke again.

“Oh! Before I forget...” Her trailing off caused Y/N to turn around. Only, this woman did not have good intentions. She blew a white powder into her face and pushed Y/N into the trunk of the car. Y/N grew dizzy and it didn’t help when she hit her head. She soon passed out, leaving the woman to shove Y/N’s limp body into the trunk.

“Really? The last one put up a fight, maybe you aren’t cut out for the job,” the woman whispered. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

When five minutes had passed, no one thought anything of it. They thought Y/N was being Y/N. When ten minutes had passed, the team knew something was wrong. Y/N could be late sometimes, but it wouldn’t take her ten minutes to grab a couple of files, right? 

With that thought in mind, Spencer and Derek went to find Y/N. The scene outside left them shocked and confused. Y/N and the car were nowhere to be found. But the duo noticed something out of place. Near the spot the car should be parked in, was shattered glass. Upon walking closer to the glass, Spencer could see white dust on some of the shards. 

“Hey Derek, how fast can we get this tested?”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dizziness. The feeling of floating. Y/N awoke tied to a table in what seemed to be some sort of shed. Trying to break free of her bonds would prove to be a fail. 

“Finally, I was beginning to think I used too much.”

Y/N swiftly turned her head to see the woman she spoke to before blacking out. 

“And you really made it easy you know. I think you were the easiest. Congratulations you made a record.”

“What?”

“Aww, you’re so confused, it’s cute really. You see, I am going to get rid of you, like they did to me.”

“What are you talking about? I-I’m not from here.”

“That may be true, but deep down you are. You’re just like the rest of them, you get your chance of becoming big and you forget who helped you, who made you. Leaving behind the small town for the big cities.”

“You did all of this?”

“Well of course I did. I made them come back. They all knew me and I made them promise to come back. Why do you think I picked these junkyards, huh? These “poor” women worked here before they got their precious jobs. Such a great plan, isn’t it?”

Y/N blinked lazily.

“Oh! Of course, the drugs must be in your system now. Forgot to mention that part, I injected some pretty good stuff while you were out. Soon enough, you will be out like a light, snuffed out like they did to me. But enough of my sad little story, let’s have fun shall we?”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The team was puzzled once again. Y/N and the evidence she collected were gone. The one thing they had was the glass with the strange white powder. They theorized that whoever used the powder, used it to knock Y/N out. The team was conversing when someone walked into the building quite frantically. 

“Ma’am, are you okay?” Prentiss could see the slight fear in her eyes. 

“No, not really. Y/N said to come in if anything seemed off, and, well, my coworker, uhm Jess, didn’t come in today. Y/N thought she was a prime suspect because Jess was somehow working at the other junkyards.” The woman spoke rather fast.

“Wait, this coworker, where do you two work?”

“Uh, at the junkyard on Woodward St., Junk n’ Stuff. Jess usually shows up at 11:00 and never later than 11:10.”

“Okay, is there any part of the junkyard that is closed off to others. A place where Jess spends most of her time?”

“Well, there is this shed near the back, but it hasn’t been used for about 5 years.”

“Alright team, we have a possible location, we head out in 5. What was your name again ma’am?” Emily questioned. 

“Mana.”

“Okay Mana, we’re going to need your help, do you think you can do it?”

The younger girl nodded. 

The team could only hope they could find Y/N in time. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Y/N could no longer move her body. Her limbs felt too heavy to lift. 

“I actually feel kind of bad for you. you seemed so happy when I first saw you. I think people would actually miss you.”

Y/N couldn’t speak anymore, the drugs taking more and more away from her. She knew she couldn’t fight any longer, the drugs her captor used were strong. But little did she know, the team was right outside, planning how to take Jess down for good.

“Well, I think your time is up sweetcheeks.”

Jess grabbed a small knife, when much to her chagrin, the FBI burst in.

“FBI, put your hands in the air!”

Jess, however, was not alarmed. She held the knife tighter and loomed over Y/N, posing as a threat.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Jess warned.

“Put down the knife and no one gets hurt.” Derek made it clear to Jess that this was not a game.

“No, she deserves to be hurt, all of them did.”

J.J. walked through the back quietly, sneaking behind Jess. Right as Jess was about to make the wrong move, J.J. quickly disarmed her and took her down. Spencer and Emily rushed towards the unconscious Y/N while Derek helped J.J. detain Jess.

“Get her to the ambulance, we don’t know what she put in her system.” Emily ordered.

The ambulance took off, leaving the team in worry. 

Was Y/N okay?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Y/N slowly opened her eyes, the bright lights a huge difference from the dim shed. She could finally move, her arms no longer felt like weights.

“I think that marks ‘Getting Drugged and Kidnapped’ off my bucket list,” Y/N joked to herself.

“Sounds fun, should I add that too?” Derek, who opened the door beforehand, responded. 

“Jesus Derek, where did you come from?”

“I came in to check on you. You’ve been out for a while an-”

“Say no more Derek. Send them in, I need Teddy Bear Reid.”

The team was finally whole again. Despite Y/N being in the hospital, they were glad she was safe. 

“Teddy Bear Reid, where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you.” Y/N smiled. Spencer quickly embraced her and made sure to stay close. 

“Let me guess, J.J. did the take down?” Y/N asked. When J.J. nodded, Y/N pumped her fist in the air.

“Yes! I’m on fire!”

They all shared a laugh, happy to see that their Y/N was back. 

“So who has my bucket list?”

[prince-of-elsinore]

On the Weechesters that could have been

Or, Supernatural has a flashback problem

So, I've been thinking a lot about Dean's confession ("I didn't know what I would've done if I didn't have you," "it was always you and me") and how it shapes my view of season one and my pre-series headcanons. On the one hand, it really only confirms what we could already infer, but on the other, it enshrines as canon, beyond a doubt, just how big a deal the events of the pilot were to Dean, how much he wanted and needed Sam in his life. Meaning Dean already knew back then that Sam was it for him. It's possible he didn't fully examine or accept this until after Sam had left, but either way, the groundwork for that need was laid in their childhood. Despite various complaints Dean has voiced over the years (either jokingly or seriously) about having to look after Sam, all he wanted at 26 was to have his brother at his side again, and that could only arise from true affection and attachment--and yeah, an unhealthy dose of codependency.

And we know the affection and codependency run both ways, even if it wasn't as explicitly stated on Sam's part, especially in season one. Personally, I trust Jared Padalecki to understand Sam best, and he's said that Sam's happiest moment was committing to getting back on the road with his brother--despite the fact that back then, Sam's assumption was that he would return to his normal life after they found Jess's killer. Jared has also said something to the effect of "Sam loved his father and brother so much he had to leave" which definitely reframes his decision to go to Stanford--because of, rather than in spite of, his love. How to make sense of these statements? They only track if Sam really is just as smitten (in the platonic sense) as Dean. In spite of whatever resentment he had towards Dean, he loved him (keep in mind, the deeper the love, the deeper the potential resentment) and, importantly, liked him, and was intrinsically tangled up in him. Everything Sam does and says makes perfect sense if you accept that Sam loved his family, but hated hunting. Of course he's upset that the father and brother he loves and needs go out and risk their lives all the time. He's right to be. And of course he would be especially upset that his brother doesn't even try to imagine a different life for himself, that he takes their father's word as law despite the damage it does to Dean. And, when Sam finally does leave, it hurts him that Dean doesn't try to understand his decision because it would shake Dean to his foundations to consider that Sam might be right, let alone to consider following him out of the life (as I believe Sam would have preferred, though he probably knew it was a lost cause). Dean can only see it as Sam abandoning him, even though for Sam it was always about leaving hunting, never about leaving his brother. Sam wanted nothing more than his brother on his side, by his side, and it broke his heart when Dean seemed to choose John over Sam. The tragedy of the Stanford split is that Sam and Dean each thought their worst fear was confirmed--for Dean, that Sam didn't need him, and for Sam, that Dean hated him--even though this really wasn't the case.

So, why this digression about the old Stanford grievance and the boys' headspaces in the pilot? Because I wish so much we got to see how they got there--and the flashback episodes, for the most part, do not show us. In fact, there's a frustrating pattern of flashbacks that don't really corroborate this textually-supported characterization of young Sam and Dean. Almost universally, the flashbacks concentrate on the brothers in isolation from each other, either physically or emotionally (or both). That's not to say that they're all bad episodes or that they don't reveal other important information about Sam and Dean. It does, however, give an overall skewed impression of their "normal" as kids, and presents something of a paradox in considering the Winchesters' childhood. We see, textually, that the brothers must have been extremely attached to each other growing up, beyond just Dean's sense of duty to look after Sammy (which is hammered home again and again, and again...), but this isn't the impression most flashbacks give. Let's take a closer look:

1x18 Something Wicked--Sam is too young to be much of player. It's all about Dean and his sacrifices/responsibility for Sam--all important stuff, but aside from Sam offering Dean the prize in the cereal box, there isn't much evidence of actual affection between them. Dean appears only put upon--fair enough for a young kid given such (way too much!) responsibility, but it's to the complete exclusion of any potential positive emotion, even fondness, for Sam.

3x08 A Very Supernatural Christmas--This flashback is the exception, and it's why it's my favorite! This was a crucial moment for the brothers in their young lives, when they chose each other over anyone else. Sam trusts Dean, not his father. Dean tries to put on a nice Christmas for Sam because he feels it's his job, yes, but he then experiences genuine gratitude when Sam gives him the pendant. They lean on each other. They comfort each other. In short, we see the why and the how of their relationship. I wish every flashback accomplished what this one does.

4x13 After School Special--The focus is mostly on Sam and his relationship with Barry and that English teacher, with a big emphasis on Sam's dissatisfaction with his life. That's super important, but I can't think of any moment between Sam and Dean that reads like anything other than pretty average brothers... which they are decidedly not. The episode drives home the diverging desires of the brothers more than anything.

5x16 Dark Side of the Moon--Not strictly a flashback episode, but we do glimpse important memories in Sam and Dean's heaven. Dean's 4th of July memory is iconic for a reason--it's one of those rare moments we really see why these brothers feel the way they do about each other. They're having actual fun together--the only time we get to see young Winchesters doing that! We all know which of Sam's memories were in heaven, though, and how that made Dean feel. Now, it makes sense that Sam would cherish moments when he was getting away from The Life, but the fact that the writers again chose to prioritize this (beat a dead horse, one could say), over showing a single good memory Sam had of the family he supposedly (actually, really!) loves, feels wrong and motivated solely by the plot's need for more artificial brother drama. Could anyone really blame a casual viewer for believing that Sam doesn't love his brother as much as Dean loves him? And yes, one can make excuses--Sam probably had lots of heaven memories of Dean that weren't shown! Zachariah was messing with them!--but it's still on the writers to make that clear.

5x23 Swan Song--I'm including this one for the flashes we get of little Sam and Dean in the Impala. These are beautiful moments, but it amounts to telling, not showing: we get toy soldiers and legos, and a brief shot of Sam and Dean carving their initials. What we don't see is the impetus behind that action. We are essentially told how to feel about these things. (Don't get me wrong, I think it's still a really well done episode and I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel exactly what it wanted me to feel--I'm just pointing out a pattern.)

7x03 The Girl Next Door--Dean is only present as a voice on the other end of a phone call (do we even hear him? Can't remember. Don't think so). Oh, and Sam has doubts, yet again, about hunting monsters. Hm, I think we've been here before. Sam has an instant connection with a girl he just met and he seems ready to put her before his family. I get that he doesn't want her to die, which is sympathetic. But again, one would be forgiven for thinking he does not care about--or even actively hates--both John and Dean. Maybe he does hate them a little bit in this moment, and wouldn't that be interesting to explore? (Cue Jared saying Sam had to leave because he loved John and Dean so much! He couldn't stand the thought of it all turning to resentment! It makes so much sense!) But, alas, the episode just doesn't go there.

9x07 Bad Boys--This time it's the Dean show, and we get to see Dean finding happiness away from his family, even if he needs some time to warm to the apple pie life. Okay, cool to know this about Dean. And the moment at the end is interesting, and gratifying for brothers fans, since Dean doesn't seem pulled back out of a mere sense of grudging obligation to Sam--he gives such a genuine, loving smile when he sees him. He wants to go back to Sam. But it's just a gesture, telling rather than showing again. We don't know why Sam makes him feel that way.

11x08 Just My Imagination--The only brother interaction, over the phone, doesn't reveal much about how the brothers feel about each other, though it does hint that Dean would ultimately come down on their father's side when John and Sam were at odds. Dean asks John, on Sam's request, to bring Sam along on a hunt, but he doesn't press the issue when John refuses. If anything, this leaves me more curious than ever about what the good in their relationship looked like, if Sam was so often disappointed by Dean's kowtowing to their father.

Sully seems a bit like English Teacher 2.0, encouraging young Sam to figure out what he wants for himself and reject the family business. I think it's quite well done and sweet, actually, and it's nice that in the end Sully actually thanks adult Dean for looking after Sam (how rare for anyone to acknowledge that), and Dean likewise comes to appreciate Sully. In the flashbacks, we learn that Sam was eager to join in hunts when he was little, which is interesting and sad when you think about how that changed. Already, though, he must feel pretty ambivalent, because he's seriously considering running away at the same time. Ultimately, Sam chooses his family--articulating that what he wants is to be with his dad and Dean--and rejects Sully's message of self-determination. He makes the decision that may not be best for him, but he's motivated by love. It seems in character, and hints at the claustrophobic pull of the Winchester family. Yet again, though, we are left to fill in the blanks ourselves about why Sam wants to be with his dad and Dean. In fact, the motivations for his two apparently conflicting desires--to stay or run away--are never very clearly laid out. We don't know what, specifically, Sam doesn't like about the hunting life, when part of him also wants to hunt, and we don't know what it is about his family--what good memories, desires, or needs--that draws him back to it.

15x16 Drag Me Away (From You)--It's unfortunate that the young actors had no chemistry whatsoever, but the script also didn't do them any favors as far as displaying their dynamic. Dean has a moment of vulnerability (if you squint) over Sam thinking about college, but aside from that, it's almost amazing how little the brothers interact, given that they're staying in a motel together, on their own. What a missed opportunity. Can you imagine if the episode had focused even a little more on Sam and Dean, rather than on their interactions with those other random kids? If it had given us just a fraction of the relationship "A Very Supernatural Christmas" managed to show in such an understated, poignant way? You wouldn't know these brothers liked or loved each other from this episode. When Dean said "We made a good team" I was honestly baffled because they barely did anything together. You could argue Dean was reaching with that statement because he was desperate, but again, there's nothing actually shown to back that up.

Ultimately, what these flashbacks show can all be true--it doesn't negate what we know about Sam and Dean from the show's present. Of course, like any brothers, they teased and annoyed the hell out of each other. Of course they had vastly diverging desires for themselves and their lives--that's sort of the premise of the show and characters in the early seasons. These aspects of their relationship are true, but these aspects are not the whole story, which is why it's frustrating that almost every flashback focuses exclusively on these things. From the flashbacks alone, you might think Dean is only about "protect Sammy" (and later, "order Sammy around") and Sam is only about "I hate my life (and by extension, family)." Most of us could tell all along--and the finale confirms--that there's another story underneath this one, though, of two brothers who are soulmates, destined to find each other like magnets again and again.

But this requires the astute viewer to do a lot of legwork in characterizing the brothers' childhood dynamic beyond what's shown--partly as a result of some logistical and practical issues (especially with child actors), to be sure, but mostly of lazy writing. There's a difference between respecting your audience's intelligence enough not to spoon-feed them every detail, and expecting them to pick up the slack and make excuses when your characterization and plotting is inconsistent or one-note. This is far from the most egregious example of this in Supernatural, but the finale had me thinking more closely about what is canon for the pre-series era, and it drove home how much it applies to the flashbacks.

So what would I have liked to have seen? What it comes down to is interaction between the brothers. The only flashback where we have both brothers in equal focus, interacting with each other rather than outside characters, is "A Very Supernatural Christmas." It's impossible to show the progression and significance of a relationship when you consistently show only one side of it at a time (or don't even focus on said relationship when both parties are in the same room--looking at you, 15x16). Sam and Dean are the heart of the show, and they should have--together--been the heart of the majority of flashbacks. It's not that Sam wasn't a lonely kid, but as Dean says to Sam in "Just My Imagination": "You had me!" Of course, Dean's memory is skewed--he isn't thinking about all the times he went off with John on a hunt and left Sam behind, and hell, even when Dean was supposed to be babysitting, we know from "Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie" that he sometimes dumped Sam. But I can't believe that Dean is totally wrong, either. Sam and Dean must have been each other's best--only--friends, living the life they did. What we see rarely looks like friendship, and it certainly doesn't track as a basis for the codependency we see in the series present, starting with the pilot. That didn't come from nowhere, though.

I would have loved to have seen that first hunt Sam went on in Milwaukee, after he left Sully. I would have loved to have seen Dean, proud of his little brother becoming a hunter. Or Dean, looking out for Sam on a hunt (and treating Sam's peril like a bigger deal than he does in 15x16, where it barely phases him). I wish I'd seen the moment that made Sam reject a future as a hunter, after his initial excitement. Did something happen on a hunt? Was it the violence of it? The brutality against a monster with a human face? Or the peril? Was there a moment when Sam's life was in danger? Or perhaps, a moment when John's or Dean's was, that scared Sam even more? I wish I'd seen Sam grappling with how leaving hunting would mean leaving the family he loves. I wish I'd seen him mention it to Dean, try just once to convince him to try a different life, and get shot down. I wish I'd seen more of the Dean who wants to give Sammy the world, struggling with the increasingly impossible task of balancing Sam's wants and needs with John's orders. Dean, caught in the middle of their arguments and torn apart by it. Sam, hurt when Dean doesn't back him up. Dean, terrified that Sam might actually follow through with that college pipe dream. Perhaps all of this would have been indulgent (not to mention difficult to film, with the right child actors and JDM), but even part of it would have allowed for some nuanced characterization.

More than anything, though, I would have liked to have seen a few more of the good memories, because they are actually important to understanding the characters and the story. It's not about fluff; it's about showing rather than telling. What are the good memories that made Sam love Dean and even his dad? Sam's anger towards their father is all the more compelling and believable if there is a fierce love underneath the layers of resentment and betrayal. And you know what's even more sad than a kid whose dad didn't make it home for X occasion? A kid whose dad did come home, just once, and the kid who enshrines that one perfect memory because they don't realize how messed up it is that it's such a rarity. Or, if it wasn't John making it home for one holiday, maybe it was the one time Sam remembers getting John's approval in some way--it could be any number of small things. The good that a character holds onto, no matter how small a scrap, says a lot about them. And the same goes for Sam and Dean. Where was Sam the social outcast, wanting but struggling to fit in, grateful that at least he doesn't have to put on a pretense of normality around his brother? Dean, feeling the same, though he'd never admit it? Dean, talking Sam up rather than tearing him down? How they felt safe, comfortable, only with each other? Even if they both had to act a certain way to earn the other's approval or admiration, that act must have felt worth it for the reward. Where was the Sam that looked up to and tried to emulate Dean, and the Dean that cherished that more than anything? Where were the moments of fun, the contentment Dean felt when he managed to put a smile on Sammy's face? The small acts of rebellion that united them, however briefly, against both their father and the world? The fireworks scene has to do so much heavy lifting all on its own, in the face of all the flashbacks that repeatedly give the opposite impression.

People are complex, of course, and we're fortunate to have two such complex characters as Sam and Dean. Both the good and the bad of their childhood, and their relationship with each other, are true, but the writers chose to emphasize one side much more than the other when it came to the flashbacks. As much as I'm a believer in the power of the audience's imagination and of transformative works, it is still up to the writers to guide that imagination in a certain way. Unfortunately, in the case of the flashbacks, that guidance is off-track and unbalanced at best, and negligent misguidance at worst. The story of Sam and Dean only makes sense with a more balanced picture. It only works if it really is about two brothers who love each other more than anything. It only makes sense if there's much more to their childhood relationship than we were shown. Now that the series is over, we won't be getting any more flashbacks (unless prequel series? Unlikely haha), so we're left to fill in these gaping blanks on our own. At least the finale gave us some good crumbs to work with.

[pendragonsandbuckleys]

statues of saints in somebody else's religion

Summary: It had been two months since his father’s death and all Alex wanted was just one day where he didn’t have to think about him, but somehow it had been quite hard to block the man from his memory once the town so graciously erected a statue of his likeness.

Word Count: 1,620

[Also on AO3]

It had been two months since his father’s death and all Alex wanted was just one day where he didn’t have to think about him, but somehow it had been quite hard to block the man from his memory once the town so graciously erected a statue of his likeness.

It stood tall and proud in the park across the street from the Crashdown Cafe, the dignified military uniform and harsh lines of his face forever carved into the stone. It even had it’s own little plaque to ensure that the world knew of Master Sergeant Jesse Manes’ noble sacrifice at the night of the carnival tragedy.

Alex had read the words more times than he cared to admit over the past few months, in fact he had definitely stopped in front of the effigy far more than his father deserved. He didn’t know why he kept being drawn to it but he was starting to think that maybe he would never fully be free of the man.

As he traced his father’s features with his eyes, he felt the presence of someone standing close by. They didn’t say anything for a few moments, but Alex didn’t even need to turn around to know who it was.

“You know I could destroy it, if you want? Wouldn’t even have to lift a finger, just oops, looks like the statue fell over.”

“Let’s not have you reveal your powers by breaking the statue of the one person who wanted to out your species in the first place.” Alex said disapprovingly, unable to hide the glint of amusement in his eyes as he glanced over to his right.

Michael couldn’t help the playful smirk that graced his face but it quickly fell as Alex turned back to continue his scrutiny.

“You okay? Just, you’ve been standing here staring at it for like twenty minutes.”

He took a small step closer to Alex, sighing under his breath as he noticed the black marks forming under his eyes.

Since Jesse’s death, Alex had been thriving. He was happier and lighter and his newly formed relationship with Forrest was doing wonders for his confidence. Even just having his brother around more seemed to lift his spirits, but it was clear that the events of CrashCon, and even the kidnapping prior to that, still affected him sometimes. He’d show up to group lunches at the Crashdown or nights out at the Wild Pony looking like he hadn’t slept properly in days.

And Michael knew that as strong as Alex was, it was going to be tough on him. It had been tough on all of them, but witnessing your own father’s murder - no matter how deserved it was - wasn't something you move past easily.

“They could have put it somewhere better.” Alex replied after a moment, his eyes not leaving the statue. “You know, like the middle of the desert where I don’t have to walk past it almost every day.”

Michael’s huff of laughter did not go unnoticed as Alex cracked a small smile of his own in return.

Their relationship over the years may have been a winding rollercoaster of ups and downs, fast turns and false starts, but little moments like these still made Michael’s heart flutter. How at home it felt to be in each other’s presence and how that warm feeling still bubbled up in his chest every time he got to witness that smile.

It’s why he had been so tempted to obliterate the statue each time he saw it. Anything to help put the smile back on Alex’s face.

“He doesn’t deserve this.” Alex shook his head gently. “He doesn’t deserve having people come and stand in front of it or tourists stopping to read all about the town’s precious ‘fallen hero’.”

Alex’s brow furrowed as he thought yet again about the type of man that his father was, of all the pain that he had caused, of the legacy that he had left behind. The legacy that even now, Alex still felt connected to, still felt like he had to work hard to fully rid himself of.

“He hurt so many people and no one will ever know. They’ll never know the truth about the homophobic, abusive, malicious asshole they’ve decided to commemorate.”

“I know,” Michael replied gently, saying no more. As infrequently as it happened, he could always tell when Alex needed to unload. He had quickly learnt years ago that it was best to let him get everything off his chest all in one go or he would easily change his mind and bottle it all up again.

“And yet, recently when I walk past it, I miss him. I mean, I don’t miss-, it’s not-, I don’t-” Alex took a slow breath and tried to find the right words, “I don’t know what it is.”

“It’s grief, Alex.” Michael replied easily, almost jumping when Alex whipped his head round to stare in disbelief.

“It’s not-, I’m not-. He wasn’t a good man Guerin.” Alex stated firmly, though it was unclear if he was reminding Michael or himself of that fact.

“Hey, I don’t disagree with you.” Michael held his hands up in mock surrender. “But he was still your dad and even if you’re not grieving the man he was, you’re probably still grieving the man he could have been, whether you realise it or not.”

The crease between Alex’s eyebrows formed again as the confusion filled his face once more. “What are you talking about?”

Michael wanted nothing more than to reach up and gently smooth out the wrinkle and rid Alex of all the uncertainty he was feeling. He’d rid him of all the pain entirely if he could. But nothing was ever that simple. And not even death could stop Jesse Manes from hurting his son.

“He was never a good father to you, but he could have been. Some little part of your brain is clinging onto what might have been, how he might have changed and become the man you’d always hoped he would become.”

“He was never going to change.” Alex muttered bitterly, his eyes boring holes into Jesse’s own.

“No. But that doesn’t stop you from still searching for the good in him, even now.”

Alex couldn’t hold back his self deprecating huff of laughter, “It’s dumb.”

“No, it’s what I love about you.” Michael replied without thinking, only realising what he’d just said as he noticed the blush rapidly making its way up Alex’s cheeks.

He turned his head away as he ran his fingers through his mess of curls, feeling strangely embarrassed all of a sudden.

As comfortable as they were with each other, it was still hard sometimes to know what their boundaries were. To know how far they were allowed to go with their sweetness and sentimentality considering one of them is in a relationship and the other is trying to give them the space they deserve.

It also felt somewhat exposing, yet oddly defiant to be having this conversation standing in front of Jesse’s statue.

“That’s who you are, Alex.” Michael shrugged with a smile, “I think we both learnt the hard way that that’s not gonna change.”

Alex rolled his eyes but it was clear that he understood how true Michael’s statement was. He didn’t really want to think about the most recent trouble he had gotten into because of his belief in humanity but he couldn’t deny that it was a part of him.

“I thought I’d gotten over it. When he died this huge weight was lifted from me. A weight I didn’t even fully realise was there until it was gone. It felt so good, but now I just feel like he’s haunting me.”

“Look, everything that happened with your father that night was a mess. A big old complicated mess that you - and Gregory - were stuck in the middle of. That man will never deserve the faith that you put in him, but it’s still gonna take you a minute to sort out all your feelings about it.”

Alex looked at him with a wide grin and a disbelieving twinkle in his eye, “When did you get so wise?”

“Oh you haven’t heard? It’s my most recently developed alien power.”

Alex’s eyes crinkled as he laughed and for the first time since stopping at the statue that day he turned his back on it and faced Michael completely.

It was such an innocent sight and if Jesse hadn’t have been intruding in the background, it would have been perfect. The slight breeze that had picked up was gently ruffling his hair and the way the sun hit his skin gave it a golden tone that only seemed to make his smile glow brighter.

It was angelic.

And as selfish as it was, Michael wanted to make the moment last a little while longer.

“Do you wanna maybe grab some lunch at the Crashdown? I’ve probably got some more wisdom rolling around in my brain if you still need it.” Michael gestured with a tilt of his head to the cafe behind them.

“Oh, I can’t,” Alex replied guiltily, brushing away the strands of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes, “I’m meeting Forrest in a bit.”

Michael chose to ignore the pang of jealousy the statement caused, instead giving Alex a gentle smile and an encouraging nod.

“Thank you though, for offering.” Alex continued, his gratitude sincere.

“Anytime. That also goes for my other offer. If you ever want that thing gone, just let me know.”

Alex smiled again, the blush still sitting prettily on his cheeks, “I may take you up on that one day.”

[salmonthestoryteller]

Malex - Heading in the Right Direction

The last thing I expected was for me to have so many Malex thoughts after the first episode of season 2  - especially since they really only had one scene together.  But it was such an important scene to happen.  I’d talked previously about Malex & Character Growth - and how Alex’s character growth had outweighed Michael’s.  That in order for them to have a good relationship, we needed to see Michael match that.  And that’s exactly where we are headed, despite the spiral Michael is currently caught in.

First of all, despite Michael’s best efforts, Alex did not let this become an argument between them, once again demonstrating his character growth.  Michael did what he normally does when hurt - he lashed out - but instead of rising to the bait, we get instead Alex’s soft, “Hey”, and the way he holds Michael’s hand to his chest.  Alex has seen through the smokescreen now - he knows that under the anger and harsh words that Michael is in pain.  He wants to be the place he falls into.

Unfortunately, at this time, Alex is unaware that Max is dead.  (Note that Kyle’s scene with Rosa and Alex’s scene with Kyle come later.)  So, while he knows Michael lost his mother and a chance at answers with Noah, he doesn’t know what the true situation is when he asks if Michael would have come with him if he’d gotten out.  I’m actually so glad for the timing here, because when I first saw hints of the scene I couldn’t figure out why he would ask Michael to abandon Isobel in the wake of Max’s death when he knows how important Max and Isobel are to Michael.  Now it all makes sense.  Alex doesn’t know Michael has also lost Max, so he doesn’t know just how bad off Michael is right now.  He knows he’s bad, but he’s also willing to be there for him through it.  But Max’s death is a whole other level, and at this time Alex is in the dark about exactly how far down Michael is.

And Michael is way down.  Michael spoke previously to Max about the danger of hope in 01x11.  But, despite that, there are a few things Michael still had hope for. Fixing his ship was one - returning to their home planet.  Escaping the wreck of his life on Earth by finding a new one there.  Maybe finding a family there.  Michael no longer sees hope in that.  Their families were refugees, his mother was captured and tortured and is now dead.  His life’s work, fixing their spaceship, means nothing anymore because what is there to return to? A war-ravaged planet his mother ran away from?  It’s little wonder he doesn’t care about showing the console to Liz now - it no longer holds the meaning it held the day he showed it to Alex.  And now Max is dead - one of his only connections that mattered is gone.  Yeah, Michael is fresh out of hope, and he no longer wants to find a home.  Is it any wonder he’s pushing Alex, the only person who ever made him feel like he could belong somewhere, away?

However, there is a half-truth in what Michael says to Alex.  He did follow Alex’s lead in their relationship all these years.  He did allow Alex to come in and out of his life.  And him saying no to Alex here is important, because Michael never has before.  Not just to Alex, either - to anyone that matters in his life. Isobel, Max, even Liz - every protest he gives them throughout season 1, he never holds out on - instead he does what they want in the end. He tells Isobel he won’t go help Max because he chose Liz, yet he is the first on the scene of his fight with Wyatt.  He protests Max’s decisions all the time, yet he follows them - which he mentions to him in 01x11.  He initially tells Liz he won’t trust or help her, yet he takes her to his bunker - the first person he lets inside.

But I say half-truth, because while he’s acknowledging here that Alex’s leaving always hurt him, he’s not acknowledging that he let it happen.  He’s not acknowledging that he never told him No when he showed up.  He’s not acknowledging he never chased after him.  And right there is our Echo parallel - because what does Liz tell Max in 01x11?

“If I mess up. If I cave and take off again,  I need you to follow me this time. Don’t let me go that easily again, okay?”

Because that is what Michael has been doing as well.  That’s the other half of where his problems in their relationship land - the moment he gets a hint of rejection Michael lashes out and pushes away.  He doesn’t even question it.  He told Isobel Alex is like a crash landing, but he also sets himself up for it because he never asks Why.  He never talks to him, he simply pushes him away.

Probably the best example of all of this is actually the scene at the airstream after the reunion in 01x02.

“What happened last night can never happen again.” “What happened? I was pretty wasted.”

Alex’s rejection of Michael in this moment isn’t actually all that logical.  There isn’t anything holding him back from seeking a relationship at this moment.  He’s lived enough of his life away from Roswell now to know that Jesse isn’t as powerful as he once believed him to be when he was seventeen, so I don’t believe he’s rejecting Michael out of any notion he has to protect him.  He doesn’t know anything about Project Shepherd or aliens yet.  This moment is all Alex, his own doubts and fears, making him push Michael away.

And, really, Michael has no reason to push Alex away, either.  Alex is back in Roswell and doesn’t seem to have any plans to leave.  He clearly doesn’t mind others knowing about him and Alex. He clearly wants to be with Alex period.  But instead of asking Alex why he doesn’t want to be together, instead of having a conversation, Michael does what he always does - he lashes out.  He pushes him farther away.  That’s not on Alex.  That’s 100% on Michael.

Michael finally learning to say No, I don’t want to do this is important. And he continues this by finally telling Isobel they can’t bring Max back.  His second “no”, this time to Isobel.  His yes to Liz doesn’t count because Liz brings him science.  Max is partly still alive. So that yes makes sense.  It’s not about hope or feelings, it’s about facts.

And Michael’s No isn’t really a rejection of Alex.  It’s a rejection of the way they’ve been behaving toward each other.  Because he also is saying to Alex - I don’t want this if it ends the same.  I don’t want this if you leave. I’m tired of being hurt by you, but I’m also tired of hurting you.

“I want to be good for somebody.”

There’s a conversation happening here, an underlying message.  They can only do this if, this time, they do it right.  And I have absolutely no doubt they will.

[lovestrvck]

introducing the lover . . . beatrice anderson-yamada

handwritten letters, reciting poetry in front of the class, the japanese art of kintsugi.

hey friends !! i’m ash, i’m 23, in the est and i use she / her pronouns !! i’m so excited to rp with you all, your intros are amazing. i’m writing beatrice “bea” anderson-yamada, aka the lover skeleton. i’m really excited to introduce you all to her ! if you want to read her into bio / app, you can find that here

stats

full name: beatrice georgina anderson-yamada

nicknames: bea, tris ( for one terrible month after divergent became big...a lot of regrets there trust me), yamada

gender & pronouns: cis female & she / her

sexuality: bisexual / biromantic

major: first year grad student in creative writing with a concentration in poetry

zodiac: cancer sun

myers-briggs: enfp

hogwarts house: hufflepuff ( but fuck jk )

alignment: lawful good

favorite food: banana pancakes

favorite drink: sweet tea or margaritas

favorite movie: titanic

favorite book: pride and prejudice by jane austen

hometown: kitty hawk, north carolina

current residence: new york, new york ( when not at school ), harcourt institute

character inspo: anne shirley ( anne of green gables ), jess day ( new girl ), guinevere beck ( you ), jo march ( little women ), juliet & romeo ( romeo & juliet )

history

tw: parental death, car accident, death, alcohol

alright i’m gonna try to keep this brief because her app was on the longer end asljdasdj

beatrice was born in kitty hawk, north carolina. it’s on the coast, so she is a lil beach babe. also still has a slight accent that becomes more prominent when she’s mad or drunk

her parents were star-crossed lovers who met in college. they had SUCH a meet-cute, and fell in love pretty quickly ( although they definitely had their flaws that bea doesn’t know about or acknowledge )

her mom was a rich kid from nyc who’s parents disowned her when she married bea’s dad. they moved to north carolina to be near his mom, but she died when bea was three.

anyway, jackie ( bea’s mom ) and alex ( her dad ) loved each other a lot, and they loved her to pieces. they were like the world’s best parents, and were such a close family growing up. bea’s childhood was such a happy one honestly

but then when she was seven, her father died in a car accident. it was obviously very unexpected, and hit both bea and her mother very hard. but bea’s mom was amazing and stepped up and raised her to the best of her ability. bea still felt loved and safe, even though she was of course sad and could see how sad her mother was.

she fell in love with fairytales and romance novels growing up. at some point she just...began to idolize her parents’ love and love in general. her parents’ love is untouchable in her mind - it was perfect. she’s always dreamed of a love like that. 

 in high school, bea sort of went chasing after love. she dated a lot, giving her heart to anyone who seemed like they might want it. beatrice also realized just how much she loved writing and reading poetry. 

when she was seventeen, her estranged grandmother ( jackie’s rich mom ) called them and basically begged them to move in with her. her husband, jackie’s dad and bea’s grandfather, had died of a heart attack in the middle of the night and bea’s grandmother just couldn’t handle being alone. so they packed up and moved to nyc.

bea’s grandmother paid for her college. bea chose harcourt purely based on the romantic factor - it was very gloomy and beautiful when she toured. it didn’t take long to decide on english due to her love of writing. 

joining the society was like, the best thing to ever happen to her. she loves it so much. she takes it very seriously, and loves reading the old texts. she was initiated during junior year of undergrad, and decided to come back for grad school specifically because of that. now she’s a grad student getting a masters in creative writing with a concentration in poetry. 

head canons & personality

bea’s all time literary crushes are gilbert blythe, mr. darcy, elizabeth bennet, jo march, and sydney carton from a tale of two cities. but honestly, she would throw it all away for gilbert blythe. did i mention she has big anne shirley energy ??

bea is immature in a lot of ways because she just sees the world through this rose-colored lens. she idealizes love and thinks that it must be so magical, but real love is messy and it can hurt sometimes. she thinks the love her parents had was just incredible, but honestly? they fought. they got angry at one another. there was a good portion towards the beginning of their relationship where jackie didn’t even want to acknowledge that she was dating alex because her parents wouldn’t approve. things weren’t simple or perfect, but i didn’t include that because that’s not how bea sees it. i would love for her to realize that the idea of love she has is a fantasy, and maybe even start to see her parents as real people and not just the perfect example of true love.

she’s a poet and she really is good. i think her work is sort of flowery now though, and could be better once she herself gets more depth. to me, she’s just floating above everything now, trapped in her own dream land of love and virtue and kindness. she needs someone or something to ground her back into reality.

when she was fourteen, she found one of her father’s journals and it’s her most prized possession. bea still keeps it with her. she brought it to college; it’s on a shelf in her room right now.

she goes by bea or beatrice pretty evenly, honestly.

bea can be a bit dramatic at times. she’s definitely prone to finding things so romantic and then just going to extremes with it. and honestly, she has very high expectations that are unrealistic but good luck getting through to her. 

she’s so full of love honestly. love for others and a love for life. i think she just sees the world as this big romantic adventure, which can be both immature and refreshing at times ? again, she’s so naive but like, she has such a good heart. 

honestly at some point catch her getting a book of poetry published. she’s had a few poems published in literary magazines already, but i really think she has the passion and drive to get a whole book published. and honestly, i could see her doing some more work with prose at some point and maybe even writing a romance novel. 

overall, just a dramatic, loving queen who rarely gets upset. pretty optimistic in general. she never gives up on people; she’s absolutely someone you could call to come get you in the middle of the night if you were stranded. 

i don’t have a connections page yet, but i’m so down to brainstorm some things ! hit me up on discord if you want to plot !

[zerozeroluckybang]

Roswell New Mexico: Tearin’ Up My Heart Thoughts and Theories…

As with the past two weeks, SPOILER ALERT!

This became more of a stream of thoughts because I’m still with the feels.

Can we take a minute before we get into this to appreciate the title of the episode? As a teenager, *N SYNC was my jam. I had posters of them on my walls, their photos taped to my planner and I’m pretty sure they were on my locker, too. So, yeah. Okay.

I want to take a moment to talk about Alex and Michael. Because, if they aren’t the most heartbreaking and stressful pairing on this show, I don’t know who else is.

Their opening scene was sweet and kind of hot, until Isobel interrupted.

I think I can see why Carina said that Michael and Alex’s relationship would be bumpy. And I can also see a path in which they don’t get a happily ever after. Their relationship isn’t just complicated. Its nuts. They have this thing from teen years ago that seems to have ended with Alex walking away and leaving Michael behind in Roswell. I think what they had ten was intense, but in a lot of ways, not a lot has changed. Alex still desires his father’s approval and that conflicts with his feelings for Michael. At this point, I can genuinely say I’m not sure which side will win out.

I’m not exactly sure if Alex is necessarily closeted, and I have a feeling Jesse may know that his son is gay. But the point of contention seems to be Michael, this troubled kid from the wrong side of the tracks who can’t seem to keep himself out of trouble. Jesse seems more upset that his son is possibly in a relationship with Michael.

I guess we finally have the answer to whether or not Isobel knows about Michael’s bisexuality. She does. And he doesn’t care that she does.

Speaking of Isobel, does she knock? Like what if Max had a girl over for reasons other than scientific experiment purposes?

I’m not so sure about Liz in this episode. She knows how Max feels about her and she’s definitely manipulating those feelings to her own purposes. Last week, the argument was ‘he lied to her’ and she didn’t confront of him because ‘she was afraid of him’, but she didn’t seem to have an issue confronting him here. Whereas last week, I could definitely sympathize with her (while feeling sad for Max feeling sad), I’m not sure I can at this moment.

So, Max, Michael, and Isobel are the same age, and Max and Isobel are ‘twins’, and Isobel refers to Max as her and Michael’s brother, does that mean that technically they’re triplets?

MARIA! I like Maria. I’m glad we finally got more of her and I’m hoping that now that she’s had an entire episode of her adventuring with Liz, we’ll be getting more of her. She’s involved now. This episode means she’s involved now, right?

Cam. I don’t know much about her, and I’m not sure I really want to. Like, I can’t blame Max for trying to move on from Liz, and Cam is someone familiar to him, but, I feel like nothing good can come from this whole thing between them. Either she’s going to get her heart broke or it’ll be revealed that she’s an evil alien and Max will be in trouble.

Also. I hope Cam has a notion of what is going on when he chose to go after Liz rather than stay with her.

Any guesses on who Ophiuchus is? For some reason, I want to say Isobel. Mainly because of her seeing Rosa when she was trying to mind warp Liz.

Oh. And MIND WARPING?! So, she essentially has Tess’s abilities. I don’t know how to feel like that.

NOAH. I like Isobel’s husband. I like that he seems to understand her, is there for her, and is encouraging for her. And a night on the veranda (that’s what it is, right?) watching Land Before Time is not a bad night. He’s a winner. Don’t ever let him go, Izzy!!!

Kyle Manuel Valenti. Mama Valenti full named his ass.

I’ve got a theory about Kyle, but in general, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him going into this episode, but I love him now. That’s all.

And a reveal about Jesse. Hmmm..

Are we ever going to meet Alex’s brothers?

The whole drive-in thing… Makes me wish I lived in a small town where we had events like this. I mean, we have a movie at the park thing during the summer, but, it just doesn’t have that small town feel.

Okay. So, the whole thing with Alex and Michael was… I had a pout on my face the entire thing because ultimately, I’m gonna always be Team Michael, and seeing him hurt, hurts me.

Liz’s confrontation of Max. The complete and utter heartbreak on Max’s face when she accused him of murder… I’m fairly certain what’s of my broken heart shattered.

Also. Liz touched Max’s lip and the whole school blacked out.

Also Also. Max’s ‘How did you’ come across as “how did you know” or a “What? How do you know?” kind of exclamation?

I understood Liz’s POV even though I felt bad for Max last week. But, and maybe it’s the biggest bluff in TV history, but Max just doesn’t come across as the type to murder the woman he love’slittle sister.

I love that Max’s pain caused a power outage, it being a physical manifestation of what he’s feeling.

I really want to know what Michael went through as a child. I mean, I don’t need my heart.

In Max’s confession, so his guilt is that he could have done something to help Rosa and he didn’t? That instead of getting her help or just watching out for her, he drove off? And he kept that a secret to protect Liz?

After Max’s confession, with him confessing that everything is about her to him, I think if she has any heart, she’ll take a step back. If she can. Unless the haha part of their life is that the only way he can be calm if she’s around.

That said, her “I don’t trust him”  in the end makes me so mad. I stayed neutral last week (ish), but I’m solidly in Team Max’s camp this week.

Noah is perfect and I want one.

Isobel’s favorite movie is The Land Before Time. Me and her should be best friends.

Is it canon that Paul Ryan is an alien?

Kyle growing a back bone. Hope this doesn’t kick him in the ass later.

 Okay. Theory time.

I’ve been debating for some time if they were going to pull a storyline where Max has to use his healing powers to save another one of the main gang. For a while I was debating on whether or not it would be Kyle or Alex, and up until last night, I was banking on Alex. But I feel like maybe they’re going to follow the original show (I haven’t read the books in YEARS, so correct me if this is a book thing too) and have Kyle get fatally wounded and Max has to save him.

Isobel has some type of history with Rosa. Whether they were friends or more, I think out of the three aliens, she had a deeper connection with her than we’re being led to believe.

I think there’s a chance that they’ve had a ‘protector’ all along and after seeing her confront Max (after leaving the letter), he perceived her as a threat.

I think that not long from now, the who killed Rosa will shift from Michael, Max, and Isobel to someone killed Rosa, it was an alien, and holy shit there’s more than just us out there!!! I think the aliens will become involved, whether they want to or not.

I have about a million more things to say and I’m sure I’ll put it out there over the week, but what did everyone else think?

Also. I can apparently only put four tags in here before it disappears from the search so when you reblog, add some tags?

[mercurytail]

Ashe

I just wanted to make a post talking about Ashe, her character, and her lore. 

A lot of this is culminated from my own personal context and views. So, if you disagree with anything, that's perfectly valid and you are 100% allowed to have your own opinions. I'm not sharing this to try and change anyone's mind. Just putting it out there for the sake of discussion and to share my own thoughts. (this is all very personal, please keep that in mind)

(I won't be commenting on race, sexuality, or relationships in this post.)

Ashe is a beautiful (tho sexualized and de-aged) portrayal of the classic 'Southern' femme fatale and a good counterpart to McCree in that aspect. She's got the attitude, the look, and the talk to match up to McCree in image in almost every way. I like the 'headstrong' female type. (McCree is also a stereotype; the sweet Southern cowboy with a heart of gold, a crooked past, and the charm to get out of anything.) 

As a person raised in the southwest of the usa, I am quite fond of my southern heritage. ( :I barring the fucked up moral stereotypes and other negative images that come along when thinking about 'southern' culture.) To see such a 'classic' portrayal in a game I love made my heart sing! I thought: "fuck yeah! I can relate to this character!"

Its personally a heart warming quality because it reminds me of my mother, grandmother, aunts and even adoptive family that were raised as fine southern ladies that don’t take no shit.

That said, my experience in being raised in the southern usa is my own.

Here in the 'South' at least in my experience ( I understand that this can also be seen as an over-generalization.) you are raised to believe family is important. Family is EVERYTHING.

Yes, you are your own person. You can choose what you want to do with your life. However, you are raised with a DEEP respect for your elders and family. (even if that family isn't blood). You don't talk about someone's momma, sister, brother, or whatever in front of them and get away with it.

Also, you do not disrespect your momma or grandmomma period. It's a common trope to 'stick to your family' or 'your roots' in southern culture media.

"Everybody needs a family - I don't care how tough you think you are. they should always be there for support. no matter what." This is a SOLID line. I was raised with the mindset of love and care for my family, loved ones, and friends wholeheartedly, no matter how 'bad' it gets or how bad they act. Dedication, if you will.

And these ideals are VERY visible and vocalized is southern society even if you aren't a part of any specific family. A good example is 'Southern Hospitality'. That old lady/grandmother that won’t let you go hungry or being raised with the mindset of helping each other out through thick and thin, even if its out of the way or giving a little more when you trade crops/goods with someone your close to.

So, Ashe KNOWS her family isn't Ideal (in the setting she's in) "Some people at lucky enough to be born into the perfect family."

Her parents are cast as nonexistent. Not there at any point. She is utterly alone with only her 'mute' butler as a companion. (fucking love B.O.B.) It also seems she had trouble in school. In the principal's office she is between two beat up boys where she seems fine herself. Also, she is alone, all the adults are pointing at her. No one is on her side.   

Now, Idk why because there is not REAL context to it but, I can make a couple of assumptions. Either she got into fights for attention or the boys picked on her and she stood up for herself - which also shows her "tough”ness. (if they picked on her there is a long list of reasons why but, the most prominent in my mind is the lack of 'family' she has. like: "where's your momma? ya ain't got one?" - this is all assumptions tho.)

Now, I want to ask "what does loneliness do to a person?" Well, you tend to do things to better your situation. Like act out for attention or find other ways to get that 'Family' bond.

I feel like this is a good spot to mention yes, she's rich as fuck. Yes, she had monetarily everything she could want but, is that really all she wants? As many can tell you, money doesn't buy happiness. It can't buy genuine love, connection, trust from someone...a lot of things that are essential for a healthy happy human being. I understand some would argue that money can buy a lot of other things but, given the context of 'classic southern' setting and all this family talk from Ashe herself, I'm leaning on the fact the money wasn't what she wanted or the issue.

(this is very opinion based) I don’t think it’s that she was ‘bored’, I think Ashe committed some small criminal acts in an effort to catch her family's attention. She finds she ENJOYS doing it. It fills all her tick boxes. This is how McCree comes to meet her. "a chance meeting with a local ruffian, named Jesse McCree, and an impromptu string of crimes committed together opened her eyes to her true calling." (there is no explanation for 'chance meeting' so, i chose to assume since shes shown alone at the police station in her origin story, she at least committed some small crimes on her own to begin with and this is how the 'chance meeting' happened.)

Crime gives her an avenue to what she wants; a purpose "Calling", friends AND with McCree it gives her a 'bond'. The first piece of her 'Family'.

McCree likes her intelligence and attitude. So, he takes the chance to get this well-off young lady on his side and they become partners, and gain a sense of sister-brother bond along the way. They meet others that join the 'Family' and then She, McCree, and her ‘Family’ founded The Deadlock Gang. Giving Ashe in a way what she's always wanted.

To me, If McCree was her first real 'Family' that she found. It explains really well why she would keep a picture of him around EVEN after twenty years. It hurt her deeply after he left/taken from her 'Family'. I could see her holding quite a bit of rage and resentment towards him (at least in the beginning). Somewhat reflected in their interactions in the short: "Doesn't always have to be this way Ashe." - McCree, "Apparently...It does." - Ashe. 

This alludes to a strained or rocky relationship. Idk if it is meaning always as in since they met or since McCree left or some weird in between. (If it were an in between woah... that opens a whole nother can of worms i'm not gonna get into in this post. 'possibly leaving him short on deals once they got big or without help when a certain sting happened')

Also, Even though she loses to the ‘Hero’ in the short because she is the ‘villain’ (I mean, who wouldn’t be upset if McCree lost in the short???), that doesn't make her weak. She is super intelligent and capable. Shown by her past. She’s smart and knows how to use her connections AND Shes the BOSS of the gang!

Anyway, that sums up most of my thoughts on Ashe. ^u^ I'd love to discuss more on it. If you disagree that's valid and as I said i'm not here to change your mind. I just ask you respect my view on it. I don't mind if you come along and discuss it with me, maybe show me stuff I didn't see or your views on it. It'll be fun!

[maree-ff]

Interlude: Postpartum Depression

CAMILA

Huffing out of frustration I laid Jo down in the center of the bed atop the special pillow I got for him. Slowly I eased my way out of bed and hobbled to the bathroom clutching my lower abdomen. This afterbirth trauma is a straight bitch. My mama always said this was the toughest part. But what’s funny about that statement is thinking back to my health after I had Kenja. That was a breeze. I’m not sure how but I know I didn’t struggle this much once I brought her home. Maybe this time is different because I’m older and Jo is my second baby that I gave birth to vaginally.

I made it to the doorway of the bathroom successfully but my bladder and the blood stopped me from going further. Clamping my eyes shut I navigated my hand from my body to the wall, holding onto it with every ounce of strength. The cramps and the discomfort shot through me. It’s like I was having contractions all over again. “Mmm..” I groaned. My teeth ground together the longer I stood here allowing my own blood and urine to ruin another pair of panties and sweats.

“You can do this Camila, you can do this. Your baby is waiting on you,” I told myself. Finally, I made it to the toilet where I proceeded to strip completely of my pants and underwear. “This is ridiculous.” I whined to myself. Throwing my panties in the trash and folding my sweats up so the blood didn’t ruin the floor I cleaned myself. It’s been so tough to look at myself in the mirror since giving birth to my baby. I just don’t feel like myself anymore. I feel weak, helpless, needy as hell, bitchy, and I’m always experiencing discomfort.

Wobbly entering the closet I flipped the light switch upward. Just then I heard the baby begin to fuss. “I’m coming Jo.” I sighed. Quickly and pushing through the pain I went back into the room to grab him. Since he seems to be upset with me not around I took him into the closet with me. Kissing his chubby cheek I walked around, putting a slight bounce in my step every other minute to keep him calm. I found a new change of clothes and dressed myself as best I could. I tore a bit during the last few pushes so the healing process has been rough! Sex is not something I’m not looking forward to anytime soon and Dre knows that. I tell him every chance I get because I don’t want him to get the idea that I’m in any shape to fuck.

Although I do miss the intimacy I just can’t bear the thought of him seeing the most sacred part of me like this. I need to heal completely before I even let him touch or look downstairs.

I’m also not feeling much confidence in myself, down there, so that’s another reason sex is in the back of my mind. Divya keeps preaching to me in time my confidence will come back. And although I believe her I don’t see that happening soon either. My vagina hurts all of the time. The sting I feel down there just from peeing alone is enough to bring me to tears.

Once I secured a new pad in between my legs I picked Jorden up from his other bassinet and carried him into the bathroom. I put him down for a few minutes so I could clean, dry, and moisturize my hands. Then it was back to bed. “What should we do while we wait for daddy?” I murmured softly. Jo squirmed, made funny sounds, and squirmed some more all while I got comfortable on my side. “You want to watch a movie, read, listen to music or take a nap, huh?” Flattening out the towel under my bottom I threw the duvet over my legs and placed Jo on top.

Deciding that I wanted to watch a movie and escape from real life for a while I scrolled through the movie choices on the tv. Just then the front door opened up and voices arose in the air. I remained focused on finding a movie for Jo and I to watch. My mood is unclear. I usually pick films based off my mood but I can’t for some reason today. For a minute I thought maybe I’m going through PPD but I don’t want to place that label on myself.

Noise approaching shifted my attention to the door. Andre walked in with four bags, two stamped with the familiar red circles. He went out and got more stuff for me. Thank god! I hit him with a pitiful look giving him insight as to what happened while he was gone.

“Don’t worry baby,” he began, setting the bags down on the bench. “I got you more sweats, socks, pads, and everything else you asked for.” He put on a cheery face for me. I smiled back, extending my hand to him.

“We missed you.” A frown etched onto my face but then it turned back into a smile once my man was in arms length of me. “Dame un beso.” I mumbled connecting my mouth to his. “Muchos de ellos.” I cheesed. If it weren’t for Andre I don’t know how I’d even smile through this pain. The girls don’t quite understand why I’m so irritable and sad all the time. I wish I could explain everything to them but they’re so young and there’s no way they would be able to understand what I’m going through.

Andre on the other hand gets it a little better because he sleeps with me and he’s been helping me through it all. He’s been there to help me go to and from the toilet, he’s cleaned me up and bathed me on more than one occasion. For the last three weeks Andre has been at my side everywhere we go.

“How you doing baby? How’s the pain?” He quizzed, combing through my hair while I began to feed Jorden gain.

“It’s all the same baby. It sucks.” I chucked weakly. Peering down at our baby I stroked his cheek with my finger smiling at how peaceful he looks. Nothing in the world beats the time a mother spends with her baby after they’re arrived in the world. When Kenja was a newborn I showered her in affection constantly.  Every minute I was cuddling her, kissing her, brushing her hair, or staring at her. She was such a beautiful baby and a joyful one too.

“What about the bleeding? Has it slowed down any?” He presses tossing my comb on the bed.

Shaking my head out of shame I lifted Jo up higher. “Not even a little bit. The cramps feel like small contractions and I swear to god if another pair of panties get ruined I might cut every pair I have into little pieces.” I vowed. Throwing my head back on Dre’s chest I closed my eyes and let all of my burdens go. I don’t care if I messed up what he was doing. I just want to be held.

Like clockwork Dre engulfed me in his arms, nestling his hands under my arms  to support Jo’s body.

“Thank you for helping me get through this Andre, I really appreciate everything that you have done for me.” I turned my head to one side so I could see part of him. His lips pressed up against my temple relaxed me all the more.

“You know I got you baby. With anything you need and want. I’m always gonna be here to take care of you. I don’t know what it’s like to be you and go through this but I promise to support you as best that I ca . I also know this shit isn’t easy for you and I’m sorry for that. I want to take all your pain away so you can enjoy our son the way I know you want to.” Dre preached. Sadness lurked in his tone making me feel guilty for putting the impression out there that I’m unhappy.

“No baby I am happy. I’m enjoying our baby boy being here more than you can imagine. It’s just the caring for myself part that gets me so wound up.” Jorden gripped a section of my hair and yanked at it with full force. “I just want to feel like me again, you know? I don’t feel good about myself. What do you see right now? Like how can you watch me bleed and urinate through my clothes, hug and kiss me, and tell me how beautiful I am when I smell like baby spit up and everything else?” Taking a deep breath I cradled Jo closer to my chest.

“‘Cause I love you. I told you I’d be here for you through every up and down. And regardless of all the bad stuff you’re still the most beautiful woman in the world. Not only that but this is just what comes with having a baby.” He preached. Being in this mans arms is the answer to all of my past prayers. Dre NEVER fails to make me feel loved and special. He never fails to make me feel whole inside. He has never lacked in anything I looked for in a man. He’s a provider and a protector by any means, his hygiene is top notch, he’s an kick ass dad, he knows how to take charge and when, but he also knows how to let someone else lead when needed.

“You know kid..these are still mine..” Dre said with confidence, grabbing a handful. In reference to Jo’s lifeline of course. My breasts.

I rolled my eyes at his pride doing the talking and shut my eyes to enjoy this. Imagining not going out with Jess and our old crew that night all those years ago baffles me. Where would I be right now if I stayed home with Kenja? Who would I be with? What would my life be like? These are all questions I will thankfully never have to answer. Andre is my kryptonite and our children are right next to him. I can’t see anything else being so important to me.

“What’s going in that head of yours, red?” He asked. That nickname he gave me last week when he came home to find me with a whole new hair color still tickles me.

“Oh nothing, just thinking about the other life I would have had if I never met you.” I muttered.

“What kind of life?” He pressed with curiosity. Letting my thoughts roam I shrugged somberly.

“It doesn’t matter poppa. I am more than content with where I’m at and everything that we’ve accomplished together. I don’t want any other life than the one I’ve got now.” Looking to see if Jorden was finished eating I motioned for Dre to hand me the burping cloth. He fixed it over my shoulder so I could set the baby up to help him digest his milk.

“You haven’t called me that in forever. I kind of miss hearing it. Why did you even think to use that on me?” He quizzed. I went on to explain where I grew the confidence to give him the name ‘poppa’ and why I chose to use it for him. Afterward I fell asleep still burping the baby. I crashed so hard. By the time I woke up it was after eight o’clock.

When I had woken up I was in a slight panic because Jorden wasn’t with me. I jumped out of bed to find him. The only reason I felt so out of place not having my baby nearby is because Dre never takes him from me if I’m sleeping. Leaving Jo with me while I sleep became a silent pact we made to help keep up my spirits. The first time I woke up from an unexpected nap I took and Jo was not right next to me I had a panic attack. When I found Dre sitting out back with the baby, reading to him I broke out in tears. I cried for at least an hour without stopping because of how worried I was.

In my heart of hearts I knew my son was alright. But the gut reaction to not having him near drove me insane. I had confronted Dre about taking the baby like that and although I tried not to be a bitch I also couldn’t help it. I think I distanced myself and the baby from him for an hour. He apologized and kissed my ass the remainder of that night making up for what happened. I returned the ass kissing and apologized repeatedly for my actions towards him.

So for this to happen again I had to stop in the middle of the hall and catch my breath. “He’s okay. Don’t freak out. Do not freak out Camila.” I chanted to myself. Breathing deeply I zipped up my cardigan walking into the living room to see everybody asleep. The girls were sprawled out on the couch and Dre was stretched out with the baby on his chest. I smiled a little at the sight in front of me. This is my life now. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. This man is everything I’ve ever wanted. 

Throwing my hair up into a ponytail I carried the girls to their room one by one. Leaving them with love I took my time going back to the family room. I turned the tv off and cleaned up the room. I felt a mild ounce of pain zip through my foot as I began to wake Andre up so he could come to bed.

I bumped into the table which scared him. He jolted up from the couch making me squeal as a gut reaction. He not once lost his grip on our baby. “I’m sorry.” We both said at once. As much as we wanted to catch our breath we ended up laughing at how much we frightened each other.

“What time is it?” He grumbled looking around. He ran his free hand up and down his face, looking at me with one eye somewhat closed.

“After eight. Come to bed, poppa.” Helping him stand I walked alongside him down to our room. I went to the bathroom quickly and changed into a camisole, sleep shorts and a brand new pad with clean panties. My side was layered with towels for me to lay on, the bassinet directly to my right, a supply of pads, diapers, pain medicine, post natal vitamins, water, and readily equipped ice packs.

Once I was all set for bed Andre passed Jo over to me so he could do his thing. I watched poppa leave our door cracked so he could undress and get ready to take a shower. Jo remained peacefully asleep as I turned on a movie keeping the volume low. As I saw steam seeping from the bathroom into our room I felt myself longing for my the company of my man.

“You think you’ll be okay so mama can have some time with daddy?” Whispering in Jorden’s ear. I pecked his forehead repeatedly glancing at the tv. 

Kissing Jo softly one last time I laid him down in his bassinet quietly. I took extra precaution not to wake him up. I noticed when I woke up not too long ago that I hadn’t messed up my clothes. That’s a good sign. Taking my hair out of the ponytail I gave it a slight fluff, put some of my favorite lotion on, and spritzed some perfume in key areas. With some last words of encouragement to myself I quickly brushed my teeth and changed into something sort of sexy that I didn’t mind getting wet. I don’t want to be fully naked due to my own internal issues but I want him to at least have something nice to look at. I could see the silhouette of his body through the glass the closet I walked to the shower door.

Sliding it open I stood motionless for a second just admiring him washing his hair.

“Get in here girl..hurry up.” He said.

Grinning proudly that he knew what I was up to I took his outstretched hand and closed the door behind me. “I miss you.” I confessed up front. I washed myself up following up with the same treatment for him.

I hugged him from behind kissing the ink on his back. The sounds of his humming took me to another place. Sex might be off the table but that doesn’t mean I can’t take care of poppa’s needs in other ways. With everything that he’s done since Jo’s arrival I owe him a lot of compensation. I’m not sure how much my body will keep up with my mind but I’m going to put my best foot forward. After all, this man deserves everything and more.

[poipoi1912]

Carisi-centric thoughts on Ep 19x08

Here we go.

Disclaimer: I will try to remain objective. Be warned lol. My undying love for Barisi influences my fic, of course, but I try to analyze the actual episodes as realistically as I can. (if by “realistically” you mean “realistic-ish while always allowing for the possibility of Barisi)

Overall Thoughts

I really enjoyed the case. Even if we've seen it all before (wasn't there an episode with Kevin Pollack and an Eyes Wide Shut situation? Where he was a judge and he genuinely thought a woman wanted to be raped?). The double catfish element was sort of new, I guess. I did also like all the performances, even if the female perp was written in a stereotypical way. And I appreciated the guy's attitude, and the contrast between his appearance and his mild behavior, but also the contrast between someone seemingly sweet and someone who would act out a rape fantasy no questions asked, i.e. without making sure the woman was consenting, at least in person. I don't know if the writers intended that last part or if I'm reading too much into it, though.

That said, deep down I wish he'd had an attorney like Rita or Buchanan, because they'd never let him plead guilty and we'd witness another awesome trial about that aspect of the case (though I did love his actual lawyer, whom he did not listen to). Still, it's nice to see a decent if flawed person doing the right thing, SVU used to do that a lot in the early seasons. I believed that the guy was conflicted about it, at least, so that entire scene worked for me. I also appreciated that the victim's trauma wasn't instantly healed in the end. It felt more real. So the overall idea of the episode was solid (if unoriginal), and the execution was very good.

The Rollisi Corner

First thing I need to get off my chest: Sonny clearly bought coffee and breakfast for Amanda the morning after, hopefully to go with his apology, and then, when he saw the bartender leaving her room, he turned around and left and hE DIDN'T GIVE HER THE COFFEE??? OR THE FOOD??? Like she didn't deserve his croissants because she had sex with another guy? WHAT A DICK.

OK, onto my analysis.

The Facts

So, Sonny and Amanda get visibly drunk, they get in a bar fight which excites them both, because they enjoy punching people I guess (is that a thing?), and then Sonny tries to hook up with her, but Amanda awkwardly nopes the fuck out of there before hooking up with the guy she flirted with earlier. I'm with them so far.

There are multiple and equally valid interpretations for these actions. Maybe Sonny was vulnerable after his deleted break up, maybe he's been harboring feelings for Amanda for a while, maybe he was just hyped up after the fight and he wanted to casually let off some steam thinking Amanda would be up for that, maybe Amanda is open to that but didn't want to start anything while they were kinda drunk, maybe she was weirded out because she wasn't expecting it and she doesn't see Sonny like that, maybe she was unsure but horny, because that bar fight got her going, so she called that bartender, maybe she was really into the bartender and she had decided to sleep with him long before Sonny's proposition. Fine.

My problem starts after that.

In my view (which, going by the tags, is shared by many), Sonny should have apologized to Amanda the next day. For the drunkenness alone. For possibly making things weird between them. For getting caught up in the moment and hitting on her like that, instead of talking to her about his feelings (whatever they may be) or even (gasp!) asking her out. In fact, that's what I was expecting. That's how I thought they would get Rollisi going. By Sonny apologizing and Amanda jokingly saying she didn't want to "take advantage” of him in his drunken state, but leaving the door open for something in the future. Basically I was looking for a sweet interaction to show that Sonny has actual feelings for Amanda, as opposed to just wanting to sleep with her, and she's maybe willing to entertain that notion, just not yet. Neither of which happened.

Instead, the show chose to put a stop to it, before it even started. Instead, Sonny got jealous, and weirdly entitled if not territorial, and he started acting all petulant in front of a suspect, not to mention in the middle of the precinct, to the point where Amanda had to call him out on it. Of course I get why he would be hurt (and I was totally expecting some adorable sad sack moping lol) or even offended (because his fragile male ego couldn’t handle the fact Amanda chose to sleep with someone else), but why would he let that affect his working relationship with Amanda? Hasn’t he never heard of putting on a brave face? Has he no dignity? Conceal, don’t feel, Sonny!

My Thoughts

On one hand, I feel this could have been handled a lot better, by giving us a good idea about where their heads are at. Instead of leaving us totally wondering about their potential feelings, romantic or sexual or nothing at all, this could have been something heartwarming, something meaningful and consistent with Sonny and Amanda's prior supportive and friendly relationship. Like, imagine if he had sweetly tried to kiss her at her place, while making dinner. Perfectly adorable, and perfectly in character (and, yes, maybe a little too Hallmark, which I would have preferred over the soapy methods the writers chose to employ). And they could have still had that awkward "um, nope" moment afterwards, perhaps interrupted by Jesse crying or something.

Or, even in this random context (out of town, drunk, high on adrenaline), imagine if Amanda had sternly told Sonny to keep his feelings separate from the job, but also that she values his friendship and she needs some time because this is new territory for her (valuing a dude lol). That would have told us that there’s a real connection, as opposed to a simple possibility for a hook-up, if Amanda ever feels like it, and if Sonny’s ego isn’t too bruised to accept.

On the other hand, this is a heterosexual SVU relationship (the only type of relationship allowed apparently), and drunken messiness and awkwardness and weird aggression is the only way those seem to ever happen on this show (see Rollaro, Bensler). So I get it. I don't get why Amanda had to sacrifice (thankfully only) some of her progress (enjoying drunken bar fights? That's so S15 and it also made me miss Amaro, her OG bar fight sidekick) or why Sonny, a character who hadn't displayed similar traits, had to suddenly change to fit that mold. Then again, maybe the change was not so sudden. Sonny hasn't been Sonny in like 2 years 👀

I suppose I always thought that, if Rollisi were to ever start, it would be different by default. For Amanda's sake (and I've posted about this in the past). I thought it'd be about feelings, not misplaced lust. Like, not to diss Sonny, but he ain't no Amaro. "Unresolved Sexual Tension" doesn't quite work when Sonny is involved, you know? No matter how good he looks in a henley. Which was especially evident when Amanda flirted with that bartender. There was a clear physical component to that brief interaction. With Sonny, there was awkwardness. He tried to move in, Amanda pulled away, and he laughed it off like it was dumb of him to even try. No heat. But that's fine, too. I just thought a potential "moment” would take that under consideration. That sweetness.

I certainly wasn't expecting Sonny to make a move while drunk, and then suddenly get all passive aggressive, and then get rewarded for it in a weird "so you're telling me there's a chance" moment which did nothing to inform us of anybody's feelings, if any even exist. Especially considering his totally ambivalent expression in the end. Amanda has always been a straight shooter. And Sonny has always been respectful. Why not take advantage of their actual personality traits and dynamic, instead of writing in a contrived bar fight, a drunken almost hookup and the awkward aftermath? This is a little too blurry for me, and it just might suggest that the point of that side-plot was to show that Sonny and Amanda are not going to go there, at least not for a while. The hot bartender’s inclusion specifically, it was unnecessarily soapy (no reason why Amanda couldn’t just turn Sonny down and go to sleep), and it served no other purpose but to kill the momentum between them.

Speaking of, Amanda's whole "people have sex" speech kinda framed their situation weirdly. I'd like to think that her sleeping with someone wasn't Sonny's problem (it better not have been!). His problem was that he was confused, and possibly jealous, and self-conscious. So why did Amanda purposely choose not to address the real reason he was being annoying? Why did she act like Sonny was judging her out if some misplaced sense of morality? (By the way, I truly don’t believe that the show was suggesting that Sonny only has sex out of pure love and that's why he was judging Amanda in the year of our lord 2017. I have a different theory about that conversation.)

My Predictions

Is it possible that Amanda was trying to avoid talking about it altogether? Did she maybe want to cool things off, and twist the argument around, and steer Sonny toward a more manageable direction, one less uncomfortable for her?  “Don’t judge me” as opposed to “yes, I rejected you”? For the sake of their working relationship, since Sonny seemed fully intent on perpetually moping? Maybe she decided that acting like she might one day sleep with him was the best way to keep things cordial between them? If so, yikes. 👀👀👀

Personally, however, I choose to fanwank that Sonny was not so much petulant but moreso embarrassed, after a rejection which possibly forced him to reconsider is own behavior, and the reasons why he may have misread the situation. I also choose to believe that Amanda cleverly used teasing and joking as a more palatable way to set Sonny straight and to press pause (at the very least) on whatever almost happened between them, because she's not willing to go there, or else she would have done it.

Anyway. Let's see if and how this progresses. In about 15 episodes, if and when the show remembers this even happened. My guess is, that talk was supposed to end the awkwardness but also kill the "what if", and Sonny and Amanda are going to interact normally for the forseeable future.

Barba Thoughts

We sure got a nice amount of Barba this week (all things considered), and I sure loved it! I always prefer the episodes where police work only gets them so far, and they need a Barba assist to win the case. And this wasn't a rabbit out of Barba's hat, by the way. This was a legitimate interrogation. I loved seeing him so confidently getting the job done. It had been a while since we got a longer trial, and this case was interesting enough to sustain it, so I'm glad we got to see it. Raul was fantastic in that moment, by the way. As always. Selling that "compassion” while making it perfectly clear he didn’t believe any of the victim-blamey things he had to say to get Heather to crack? That was masterful. I love him.

The Barisi corner

"Tell Rafael not to worry" :D

Barba's sweet face when he saw Sonny :D

"Hey!" :D

Sonny's eager face when he delivered the slam dunk Barba needed, his eyes literally hanging off of Barba's lips, waiting for approval? :DDDD

Barba's joy because Sonny brought him something juicy he could use to win the case? :DDDDDDD

I love their love :')

Stray Thoughts

So Noah gets kidnapped by Sheila and we don't even get to see her twirl her mustache? Come on now! I want my money's worth. I sat through the boring grandma scenes, I'm gonna need to see Brooke Shields go full-on villain. I can't wait for the "reveal" that she has him.

Guys, is a bar fight, like, a good thing? Is it actually fun? Was I supposed to be rooting for anybody in that scene? I wouldn't know, violence just doesn’t do it for me.

Does anyone remember that Amanda has a kid (a toddler, by now? I think?). Are they really sending her to spend the night in West Virginia without anyone offering to cover for her? I guess that's what happens when you're short-staffed and Fin gives zero fucks. Still, they could have at least let Amanda mention having to get an overnight baby sitter, or even say something like “I love my kid, but it’s fun to remember what it was like when I was carefree” etc. Does Jesse even exist anymore, or is Noah the only child in the Tri-state area now?

Barba's hair!

Sonny in a henley!

Cauliflower ear! Nice attention to detail.

Brooke Shields is a good actress. I enjoy her scenes with Benson, Mariska is really good in them as well. I just wish the writing wasn't so trite.

This was yet another episode where a psychiatrist would have been useful. Heather didn't look like she was all there. I was waiting for Huang to pop in and suggest she wasn't competent to stand trial.

The sleazy defense attorney handing Benson his business card was a flawless character moment. Straight out of the early seasons.

Sonny: These influencers are the voice of Gen Z

me: please stop

Fin: Don't people know porn's free these days?

me: i love you

Fin: I'm allergic to West Virginia

me: I LOVE YOU

[candy-corps]

Dinner for Three

Greg belongs to @mygardenofmuses​

I need you. Come to the address at 6pm today. Ask for the table reserved for 'Davis'. I'm gonna be there.

This was the message, followed by a link to the 'Broken Heart'. The first message in months. So sure Damien cancelled his plans for tonight, dressed up, fetched what he needed in case he'd have to defend himself ... and arrived, just as requested, in time at the restaurant. His eyes were darting from one person to the next, knowing any could be his mom. Maybe even the one in front of him in the line, telling the waitress his table was reserved for 'Davis'.

"That's ... mine, too" Damien mumbled, raising his hand to get their attention. Greg fidgeted  a little when he heard the voice. Looking behind him, he noticed the young batboy he had heard so much about. A soft smile filled his face. "Good. That's my table as well.  Shall we wait together? I'm waiting for someone, too." Damien frowned, but just went with what came at him for now. It could be part of the plan. It was likely part of the plan. He buried his hands in his jeans pockets and followed without saying a word just yet. The waitress lead them to the table - indeed one for three.

"I take it the third person is yet to arrive?" the waitress asked, quick to hand them the menu for the drinks right away. "Yes, I think so." Greg answered, and smiled to Damien. "Feel free to sit wherever you want. I will sit after you." Damien glanced at Greg then, not trusting him yet. What had he to do with the plan? He didn't seem too tough but then again looks were deceiving. Maybe this was all a test? He took the seat closest to the exit, even though that meant he couldn't see what was going on behind him. Which was okay. He was learning to use slight echolocation. "I would like to have a water" he ordered without even taking a look at the drinks. "I'll have a beer, please. Preferably cold." Greg requested, after taking a look at the menu. He sat in front of Damien, mostly to get a good look at him.

Once the waitress left with their orders, Greg offered a hand to the kid. "I think we haven't done official presentations yet. I'm Greg." Damien narrowed his eyes, but offered his hand, too, and shook Greg's.

"Damien" he introduced himself then. His ear turned a little just to check if the waitress was really gone, which she was, of course. "Who are you - ?" he asked right away, so very confused right now that he frankly had to ask. "Greg  Davis.  Perhaps the name of Bernadette Davis rings a bell? She's my little sister." Greg answered. Maybe a familiar reference would be helpful. He looked up, wondering if Michelle was the waitress who had attended them. Given how easily she slipped into roles, it wouldn't be that weird. That just raised more questions. Bernadette's brother? Bernadette was friends with Jess. He was with Jess. Damien just kept frowning. How was this connected to his mom in any shape or form? "I'm not moving" he mumbled to himself, kind of like a mantra. He tapped his fingertips against the edge of the table before eventually, he just crossed his arms and avoided Greg's gaze.

His answer was cryptic, and Greg wasn't sure if he should pursue much more of a conversation. But not saying anything felt kind of wrong. Maybe he could get close to him in other ways. "You look a lot like a batman I know." He already knew the answer to this question, but... maybe the topic would help Damien to open up. "Are you Bruce's son?" This made Damien look back at Greg again, but also narrow his eyes.

"What are you here for?" he asked then. Because he sure as Hell didn't know the answer to this question regarding himself. Greg chose carefully his words, not wanting to hurt his feelings. "Because a person who is very dear to me asked me to come here tonight. She should come here soon..." Damien's mouth got dry. He was getting a very, very bad feeling about this. As the waitress returned, he snatched the glass right out of her hand as she meant to put it on the table.

"Everything alright?" Michelle asked Greg, standing there in the flesh. No costume, no anything. Just black pants and a white blouse, the collar that she always wore and two bows on her head, one left and one right, just where cat ears would be if she featured any.  She did want to make the impression of a waitress, but didn't follow their dress code enough to be mistaken for one when you just bothered to check - which Damien didn't. She gave Greg a smile, knowing her son could be something. "I'm a bit late" she mentioned needlessly. "All peachy. We were just talking about you right now. You look really cute, by the way~" Greg smiled widely and stood up to pull out a chair for her. He was really happy to see Michelle had made in time. "It's all good. We're just meeting each other a little more, right Damien?" No they were not. Damien made an effort not to choke on his water while playing it cool. He didn't expect ... ... any of this. His hand was on his throat to keep himself from coughing while his eyes darted from his mom to Greg and back again.

"His ear is doing this ... " Michelle mentioned, moving her hand to her head and angling it the way that Damien's ear leaned aside now. He was so confused. Michelle laughed, then sighed, and sat down. "Thank you" she purred at Greg, her eyes on him for the moment. Greg looked at Damien, noticing the gesture Michelle was pointing out. "Are you alright, Damien?" he asked, a little worried for the kid now. He didn't know enough about the batman people to know for sure if Damien was doing alright or not.

Michelle's laugh managed to capture him again, though. "You're welcome." he purred back, placing gently his hand over hers.  Then he looked back back at Damien. "I assume your mother already told you about us, right?" Damien has no words for a moment. Was he supposed to improvise? This was Bernadette's brother. "I'm sure she did" he said between grit teeth. "We talk, after all." He started tapping his fingers against the table again. He was done glaring at Greg - he did at his mother instead. What was happening, what was this supposed to be and why of all things did she vanish for months only to show up out of thin air ... with Bernadette's brother?

"He got that from his father" Michelle noticed, still a little delighted. She, too, tapped her finger against the table to copy Damien's motion and show Greg what she meant, but other than him, she didn't make the faintest sound. "It's supposed to imitate a heart beat. It helps him hear. Don't ask me how." She didn't know. "...Echocolocation, perhaps?" Greg muttered, a little worried. Damien didn't look happy.  Maybe the whole thing was a lot to take in.  He gathered his hands together, trying  to look as harmless as possible. "Whatever it is... Even if you already knew, I know this might be still a little shocking to you, but..." Michelle took Greg's hand to silence him, not minding to hold hands on the table. She knew he wanted to calm Damien, but ... she got them covered.

"Your drinks" the waitressed announced, bring a cup with hot milk for Damien and a glass of wine for Michelle. She ordered when she took the beer and the water from the waitress before. They asked if they already picked, to which Michelle denied with a shake of her head. Not yet.

"Milk calms him" Michelle whispered to Greg.

Damien was double-displeased now. Why did she keep saying these ... things about him? Also, that ... That wasn't true! His ears leaned back, displaying his anger; though he did approach the cup with milk to him. Greg squeezed gently Michelle's hand. He didn't want to cause a rift between mother and son, but... now that the cat was out of the bag, the best they could do was to ensure Damien didn't feel threatened by his presence, right? He already tried to show how willing he was to make this work, but he wasn't sure if Damien liked him to begin with.

"That's a good thing to know.  Remind me to get him any milk treats in the future, please." Greg whispered back to her. Damien peeked at Greg's and Michelle's hands, holding each other, as he took a sip of the milk. It still made no sense. Why drag Greg into that. Why tell things about him. Why let them meet. It almost was as if she was trying to introduce her new boyfriend to him and this was just ridicu-.........

" . . . . . "

" - What would you like to eat?" Michelle asked Greg in the meantime, reminding them of time and place. This was a restaurant. In a restaurant, you ate. She approached the menu, letting his hand go so he could read it. "I'm good with practically anything you guys like. But given we have one special guest today..." Greg flashed a kind smile to Damien. "Why don't you pick the food you'd like to eat, Damien? It's on me. Feel free to request whatever you like. "

He hoped it wasn't too obvious, but... Greg really wanted to get in Damien's good side. Damien didn't move a muscle.

"You know, when they are under stress, they freeze up like so, to - " Michelle started.

"You actually want to introduce your boyfriend" Damien realized, interrupting her if only to prove her wrong about the shock thing. He pointed at his mother and then Greg, totally disregarding the offer.

Michelle peeked at Greg. "We didn't talk" she admit. "You didn't...?" Greg stared at Michelle, his eyes going wide.  Then he glanced at Damien.  "I'm sorry." he quietly mouthed. Then he glanced back at Michelle, worry clearly etched in his features, then back at Damien.

"I'm sorry you had to find out this way.  It must be such a shock... but yes. We're currently dating, and I have a baby son from a previous relationship."  Better to spill the beans already. At least that way, he wouldn't feel bad for holding back information. And then, everything was coming together. She picked a public location so he wouldn't make a scene. Send him that text making it look like a mission when really it was just so he'd show up at all. Getting him hot milk so he'd not be all that upset ...

Damien began to laugh, brushed his ears back and rested his elbows on the table, his face buried in his hands.

Michelle got a little pale. She didn't know what that meant ... Greg, however, got the cues. He had seen his sister break down in the past. This was something close enough. He got up and walked up to him. He knelt by his side, not touching him just yet to respect his personal space.

"I know you might feel like you're not allowed to be upset. But I won't blame you if you do. " he whispered softly. Finally, Damien calmed down again, and sighed. "I guess we should order. 's fine" was all he said. "We will. But there's no rush. I want to make sure you're OK. We can go outside a moment, so you can catch some fresh air, if you want. Would you like that?" Greg spoke calmly, keeping his eyes on Damien.  He had helped his sister in similar ways before, and he wanted to ensure the young boy's comfort before they carried on with anything else.

"No, no" Damien hushed him, already picking the menu. "I just want to eat with my nervous mom and her new boyfriend." It was one of few times that he saw her display anything normal. He could do normal. He would like normal. "Alright, as you wish. But if you need anything - just tell us, OK?" Greg gave him a warm smile, and patted gently his shoulder before he returned to his seat.  Only then he looked at Michelle. "Next time, remember to tell him things beforehand, please." He wasn't really upset. Just a little worried for how his arrival would affect the relationship between Michelle and Damien. "Oh, she couldn't have" Damien interrupted, his tone quite calm considering. "We didn't meet for a ... ... while." He didn't say for how long exactly as to not make her look bad, but the comment was enough for Michelle to avoid his gaze as he looked up, which was enough for Damien. He hoped a bit that she'd feel bad. "...That's so sad. I'm sorry. I diddn't mean to stand between you two." Greg felt guilty.  Gathering his hands together, he bit his bottom lip.  "If there's some way I can make up to you, Damien... Just tell me. I'll do my best." "It wasn't you" Michelle made clear. She didn't want Greg to feel responsible for it when he really, really wasn't.

Damien added: "Who knows if I'd seen her at all again when there'd not been any news ... to ... ... Sorry." He put the menu down as he caught Michelle's gaze. "I'm glad. I'm really glad this - " he made a gesture to their surroundings, " - like, happens." "So you're good with us, like, together and all?" Somehow, getting Damien's approval felt like the greatest achievement. Greg couldn't help but smile, a sense of hope growing his chest. It seemed things started to look up. However... he still had some questions unanswered. He was glad to see his mom again, and that was about it. But when Greg wanted his approval so bad ... He'd shrug.

"So you being Bernadette's brother is a coincidence" he asked, first keeping his gaze on Greg out of politeness, but peeking at his mother then. Just in this moment though, the actual waitress returned, to finally write down their orders. "Yes, I think? I just mentioned her because she knows you." Greg answered, rubbing his arm a little. Maybe his questions would have to wait, since Damien seemed to have questions as well. He could wait. Michelle raised her hands in defense, knowing what Damien was suggesting here. She knew about Bernadette, but hadn't heard of a Greg Davis before meeting him. She turned to the waitress then and ordered, as did Damien as well. Greg orderer another drink and some snacks, since he was getting hungry. Even in moments like this, he couldn't stop his stomach from growling. Leaning back on his chair, he joined his hands over his belly.  To be true, he wasn't sure what was Damien trying to imply here. Did he think Bernie was some spy? Or that he was doing some weird connections? As much as he tried, he didn't see the pattern. Still, that wouldn't stop him from asking. "Is there any problem with Bernadette being my little sis?" "No, no" Damien assured, his gaze still on his mother . "Just ... wondering ... how you two ended up meeting" he said, looking back at Greg. His mother was too good of a liar, but this one seemed to wear his heart on his sleeve. "We met... in a club. Yeah. It was a little dark, so... I couldn't see her face well at first. But we talked a lot. Things clicked into place." Truth to be told, Greg already had run this speech in his mind over and over in case his parents found out about Michelle. He had done it so many times, that words came out without him having to think all that much. It was like reciting a poem. "Oh, so? What did you talk about?" Damien asked. He rested his head on his hand and looked unimpressed at Greg. "About how we do things, and how I like to take it slow in relationships." Greg wasn't nervous. In fact, he took his chance to wrap an arm around Michelle's shoulder. "It was something quite romantic." Michelle couldn't look at this any longer. Greg was trying so hard! She had to laugh. Then looked Damien straight in the eye and said: "We were having sex. And it was great. And so we met again. And again. And ... " she turned to look at Greg, a fondness in her gaze.

"How is this a conversation suitable for a restaurant - "

"You asked" Michelle simply stated. Oh come on, he was older than eight ... Greg gasped the moment she said 'sex', and from there on he felt his cheeks burning to the point he suspected he could fry eggs on them.  Covering his mouth, Greg wondered how far would she take it.  It seemed that revelation was a lot even for Damien... but he couldn't keep his own muth shut for long.

"Well... I didn't mean to say it so openly, but yeah... that's pretty much what happened. And we're dating now..." How on Earth was he supposed to carry the conversation from here? Damien kept looking desbelievingly at his mother. That was it. He just wanted to eat in silence for the rest of the evening. He looked away.

" - and Jay calls me 'mama' ... " Michelle added to what Greg was saying. " ... And Greg knows." Yeah, that bit was important. "For clarification, Jay is my son, from a previous relationship. We haven't got to the point of us giving you a sibling yet. Though, by all effects, Jay would be now your baby stepbrother. Look." Greg took a picture of Jay from his wallet and showed it to Damien. "This is him. Isn't he cute?" Michelle chuckled to herself. Oh, now he was bragging. "I have baby photos of Damien" she let Greg know. Two could play this game.

Damien rolled his eyes, but fixed them on the picture that Greg held up to him so proud.

Stepbrother. Hm.

"Where's his mother?" Damien asked, still looking and trying to find Greg's features in the baby. Greg froze for a second, then left Jay's picture on the table. "She... disappeared one night. I suspect demons killed her, but I don't know for sure." His expression was grim. Thinking about her made his heart ache. Michelle put her hand on Greg's lap. Not in a sexual way; just meaning to comfort.

"Sorry." Woop, he didn't mean to pry so much. Greg covered Michelle's hand with his, giving it a gentle squeeze. Her touch gave him the strength to smile.  "It's OK, Damien. You didn't know." Then he turned to Michelle and kissed her forehead. "Thank you." Michelle smiled to herself. Damien in the meantime was a little uncomfortable. Maybe he shouldn't mention that ... "My ... stepdad was a demon. But he's not around anymore... either." Maybe that comforted Greg? "Well... I think demons aren't exactly... too reliable." Greg chose his words carefully. He didn't know how attached Damien was to the guy, so he didn't want to offend him. "But... if you want... I can be your new stepdad." Replacing Zagam? Damien didn't think so. He lowered his gaze and pushed the picture of Jay back at Greg again. He saw and it was good. The lack of words left him worried. He turned to Michelle, hoping she could translate his gestures. "Did I say something I shouldn't have....?" Michelle shook her head, her gaze on her son, who faced away. "He sold me to Eros" she muttered. Damien's ears lowered at that. He didn't quite understand. "What?! He's that bastard?!" Greg practically threw his chill over the window. He couldn't keep his cool when it came to people who had hurt Michelle. "Oh boy... Good he'd no longer around, then. Grrr..." "I'm not really hungry anymore" Damien excused himself. How long has he been hoping to see his mom again and now 10 minutes passed and he was fed up. He pushed his chair away from the table. Greg gasped. The words he had said... Maybe he had said too much and offended Damien in the process. It wasn't really his intention, though - it was that protective streak he had about Michelle.  Still, he felt he should apologize. He held one hand up toward him. "Damien..." "Greg" Damien replied, not even looking at him. He was grateful. A lot. Just also ... fed up. He got up; ready to leave. Greg  looked at Michelle, silently begging her for help.  Then he turned to Damien and bit his bottom lip, struggling to find the best words to continue.  "I... I shouldn't have said that about him, I'm sorry. I just... care a lot about your mother. I love her. I think you should know."

Was that an apology or an explanation? Greg wasn't even sure himself. He just hoped Damien would understand. Oh he did know. He didn't care right now. 'Good he's no longer around' was what he'd said.

Damien left and Michelle just took Greg's hand in both of hers right after. "He'll come around" she promised. "I'm so sorry. I just... have a big mouth sometimes." Greg squeezed her hand back, before he wrapped his arms  around her in a tight hug. Watching Damien leave like that worried him. But she seemed calm, so... perhaps it wasn't so bad? He pulled back a little, gazing into the direction Damien had left.  "Shouldn't we go after him, or something?" That made her smirk. "You want a fight?" she asked him. Greg blinked in confusion. "A fight? I don't understand..." She closed her eyes for a moment and nodded to the direction Damien went. "Go after him, you get a fight" she elaborated then. "Aaaah... You mean that." Man, he could relate to that A LOT. Greg remembered how he used to get into fights several years ago, when he was in high school.  Rare was the week he didn't have bruises back then. But now... he had grown out of it. Mostly. He'd use his fists only to protect the people he cared about.

"I don't want to fight. But it feels bad to leave him alone. I'm not sure what would be the course of action... I don't want to hurt him, you know?" he admitted, blushing a little. "What should we do?"

She withdrew one of her hands and tapped on top of the table for a short moment.

"I want a fight" she decided then and got up as well. The poor waitress just stood there, a little confused and plenty distressed. "Uh... OK. Let's go." Greg decided to trust her judgement. After all, Michelle was his mother - and mothers always know what's best for their children, right? At least, that's what he believed. He got up to follow her, and gave an apologetic look to the waitress. "Sorry, but we gotta go out for a moment. We'll be back soon... hopefully." To Michelle's surprise, it wasn't too hard to catch up with Damien. He didn't get far from the restaurant and within view once she and Greg reched the entrance.

"Damien" Michelle called; not loud, but as she knew, loud enough for him to hear.

And indeed he turned; his ears perking up beneath the hood he's pulled up and covered his features beneath. Michelle could see the bumps shift under the fabric. He didn't look angry, at least for this moment. Because his gaze shifted as he saw Greg follow her.

Hell no. Damien turned. What else did he have to do to signal he was not up discussing this? He kept going, walking forward. Michelle looked to Greg and reached out her hand; a small smirk on her lips, like: 'Are you up for a walk?' Greg  took her hand and nodded with a knowing smile. For the time they had spent dating, he already had picked  several of her non-verbal expressions. And he could see Damien made some non-verbal conversation, too. Because he turned to face his mother, but... not him. In other words, he didn't want to talk to him just yet. At least, that was what he guessed.

And that was why he truly appreciated Michelle's guidance here. Being all on his own, he'd probably be too afraid of screwing things up even more and he'd let Damien some time alone to cool down. But with Michelle, he felt braver to try a different approach. Michelle held Greg's hand tight as they got going. "I missed to see you moping" she said aloud; still in a too far distance to talk to her target if said target wasn't bessed with super hearing.

Super hearing Damien pretended not to have; but which was apparent as his tail began twitching. Michelle saw as they got a straight look at him when the crowd of people lightened up. It made her smirk turn to a grin. He was annoyed because he cared. Greg wasn't sure if he should say anything.  But truth to be told, it woul.d look weird when Michelle was talking "alone". Better to follow her game. He could do this, right? It shouldn't be that difficult. And if he could handle a teenager now, everything would be easier when Jay grew up.

"So he's mopping now? I thought he was like... texting his friends or something." "That's something he'd done when he'd be clever about it" Michelle answered Greg; still looking forward, at Damien. "But you see that - "

It was enough to make Damien turn and wait for the other two to catch up.

If they dared.

His hands were in his pockets. He didn't look mad but that didn't mean he was good. He was a 'cooking beneath the surface' type. Always was. Greg kept walking, since it seemed they weren't going to stop. "I see, indeed. To be true... I've done similar things at that age, too."

And many more, but Greg didn't want to come off as a bad role model. For now, he wanted to see how far they could take this. Damien indeed had his hands in his pockets. He wasn't texting anybody, just as Michelle expected.

Once they caught up, Michelle nodded to Greg and started to talk.

"Greg is the type to invite you to some ice cream to apology he's hurt your feelings" she let Damien know. "And you can pick the flavors, too." Greg nodded in agreement. "Whatever you like, we can get it extra big. I have a friend working in the Green Rose. Bet he can put four scoops in yours if you feel up for it." Moment of truth. They'd never deny food. It was the rudest thing that she could think of -

But Damien just crossed his arms.

"Oh allez!" Michelle sighed. Then continued in French; telling Damien that this man was not as good as he thought he was and that it didn't even matter because he was gone now and they were right here. Opportunities. Hadn't she taught him about wasting them.

And Damien said nothing for a while. Just looked away. Did he just get scolded for making a scene? Greg's French wasn't that good, to be true. He knew a few phrases, expressions and words, but when Michelle spoke like this, it was easy to get lost. He stared at Damien instead, wondering if he wouldn't say anything at all.  He waited until she was done to speak his mind.

"Look, Damien... I know all of this was a lot to take in. And I was careless and hurt your feelings because I was feeling super-protective about your mom. I'm sorry about that. But I really would like us to get along..." "Lets ... not ... talk about it" Damien suggested; looking down instead just away, " ... again." Greg bit his bottom lip and stared at Michelle. Then looked back at Damien.  "You know... when in my family have issues like this, we often argue... but after that we talk and hug it out. We can skip the talk and go straight to hug if you want...?" he offered, opening his arms to do so. "Greg - !" Michelle tried to warn him, but it was too late. Greg was too close in Damiens space as it was. When he dropped his own defense in addition to that and kept approaching Damiens instincts kicked in and he punched Gregs chest. Hard. Greg felt the air punched out of his lungs, quite literally. And while it hurt, and it made him cough, it wasn't that strong to knock him out. Inhaling sharply, the redhead let out a breathless laugh.

"Hahaha! Oh, wow! Didn't see that coming!" he exclaimed. "It was a good punch, but if you really want to knock down someone, you might want to attempt another spots..."

Like the throat, Damien thought. He didn't step back but was determined to push Greg again should he try to get forward.

"Are you okay?" Michelle asked Greg. The three of them were causing people to turn their heads at them now. "Yeah... Ow..." Greg still winced a little. Just because he was immortal, didn't mean he couldn't feel pain. "Don't worry. I've been in worse situations."

He looked up to Damien. "You and me are more alike than you think..." Oh, someone told Greg too that it was for the better when a person he liked just vanished? Damien doubted. "Sorry about that" he apologized. He didn't feel sorry. Greg invaded his space - but he long since learned it was better to pretend he was. With that, he turned, once more, to leave.

Michelle sighed. This didn't work out as bad as it could have, but also not much better, too. "Give us a moment" she asked Greg, rubbed his shoulder and went to catch up with her son. "OK... I'll be right here." Greg  wasn't sure what else he could do.  He had apologized, followed him to he was willing to talk, even offered a hug, but... It seemed Damien wasn't into hugs as much as Michelle was. A mistake on his part, thinking  that hugs worked for... well, everyone.  He still had a lot to learn from children, it seemed.

[thetagsale]

Kid Fears

I can remember as young as three-years-old, Opal would get overwhelmed by her feelings and just scream. Nerve-racking, soul-shattering yells, high in pitch and sharp-edged enough to bring the house down. I thought it was a tantrum. I thought it was her big emotionality. I wrote my ass off about parenting methods I’d tried based on all the books. So many books. I wanted to share the wisdom of experience, but frankly, I didn’t feel any sort of extra intelligence from my experience of navigating the world of Opal’s emotions. Just heartache and exhaustion. 

She got older, but the bouts of screaming stayed with her like an invisible illness. When her feelings grew even the slightest bit beyond tepid, or plans changed abruptly (which is something I avoid as much as possible, but then, life.), or homework was challenging, or Ruth was too annoying, or what-have-you, I’d find myself reaching to steady the breakable vases as they did in Mary Poppins when the neighbor blew his cannon every hour on the hour. Batten down the hatches. 

Having a sibling certainly complicated things. I always feared the screaming was somehow damaging to the baby in the house. Our first foster daughter, Ericha, came to us because she had birth parents whose main mode of communication was to scream and hit. The last thing I wanted was for her new and safe home to be filled to the edges with the intermittent shriek-fests of her sister.

I can see myself putting the baby in her crib—Ericha, our first, who we had for a year, then Ruthy, who we adopted—and coming upstairs to calm Opal by just holding her. She’d push me away at first but then flop into my lap with a defeated sigh, weeping into my shoulder so much I’d feel like she’d need an IV drip to recover. I saw it in a movie about working in a child psychiatric unit. (I find I am always looking for glimmers of understanding and hope to apply to our situation, like panning for gold from thin air.) In the movie, the staff people would just hold these kids, as if they were squirming puppies in a blanket, firm but loving, to keep the child from hurting herself or anyone else. When I saw that, I cried. The rage and violence of these children eventually dissipated and they were left boneless and vulnerable in the lap of the staff member. 

God, so many years of it. Taking the time now to reflect, I feel a new sense of fatigued humility. It was never constant, her outbursts. There have been enough gaps in the weave not to put her in real therapy. (We’d consider it, reach out, even find someone to talk to, but then we’d have a collection of angst-free days and put that particular approach on the shelf.) 

Also, I had so much therapy as a kid (an older kid, but still) for my big emotions, my staggering ups and downs, that I always felt like I was a broken thing to be fixed. I have zero recollection of anyone trying to give me tools to work my particular disposition. I would have given anything for my parents to sit with me and say, How are things going for you? What’s it like for you in there? I love you just as you are AND we will work through this together. That’s what we’ve been trying to provide for Opal. I never ever in a million years want her to feel like she is a fucked-up thing. The concern of that has certainly guided our choices.

Here we are. Now. She just turned nine. The current method of working with the screaming was most recently to suggest that she go to her room to cool down and regroup. We moved her beloved guinea pig, Lightning, in there. We discussed it at our family meeting—she chose this as the best course of action when she loses control. But when it came down to it, when the emotions kicked in the door, all she wanted to do was talk about it. Her need to examine those emotional parasites piece by piece was all-consuming. She was unable to see how that method unfailingly exports her—almost instantly—to a very deep and dark place. She feels she is being negligent by taking her mind off of it, when in fact, her focus is like voluntarily gripping the anchor as it pulls her to the bottom.

God, I know about that approach all too well. Before children, I used to think journaling about my feelings was what needed to happen to work through my feelings. Perhaps that’s true, but only partly. Once written down, pen-to-paper, I missed the step of what’s next? How can I rise out of this? What can I do for others? And thus, I wound up cultivating a more engaged and deluxe mode of communicating about how fucked up I was. I got really really good at chasing my emotional tail. Having kids was the ultimate teaching in you just ain't got time to dwell in the muck.

It was then that I finally experienced what happens when emotions occur, acknowledged but uncoddled for lack of time. (I’m talking about the everyday emotions, here, not the heavy-hitters that DO need tending.) They PASS. Eureka. 

Even now, my instinct when I’m feeling shitty is to sit down and write about the shitty feeling. Pretty much across the board, that DOES. NOT. HELP. What does help? Connecting with a friend. Walking in the fresh air. Finding some art to linger over. Essentially, raising my gaze so that I can once again view beyond my own, personal, self-serving, survival-based bubble. 

This is all just to say that I have decade-upon-decade of experience with this for myself. 

So now, Opal is no longer given the choice. And as much as I’m not a fan of this is for your own good thinking, Opal’s emotions simply cannot be in charge of steering the ship of our entire household. How did that saying from my time in a twelve-step program go? You can’t fix your thinker with a broken thinker? Something like that.

Now, when the cannonball sounds and the screaming begins, I am quick and clean, tethered and steady in my predetermined course of action.

Honey, when you scream you lose the privilege of being in the same space as we are. Your feelings are welcome. Screaming is not. So it’s time to head up to your room and I will check on you in five minutes and be the one who decides when you are ready to calmly join us again. 

It used to be that she would go to her room to cool off and come back out when she was ready. NOPE. That only prolonged the painful process. She’d think she had calmed down, then come out and start the whole thing right up again and the back-and-forth to and from her room was a grueling and painful dance, leaving us all feeling defeated and assaulted.

So no, now I am in charge of saying when she can come out. And as pissed off as she was, initially, she seemed to see that she can regroup much quicker when she’s not also in charge of gaging if she has re-grouped enough yet. If that makes sense.

As I said, the wailing fits have been an occurrence in our home for at least six years. I remember blogging about them in my second parenting blog which was when Opal was two and three years old. There have been eras where a certain thing we are doing really seems to help quell her inner turmoil (and we go on a kick of feeling like badass parents), but inevitably the humbling and confusing time will come when what we are doing no longer seems to have any effect and the volume-dial on her outbursts is once again off the charts.

But, familiar as her episodes are in our family and our household, and such a major part of her childhood, they have never really had one obvious cause.

Except for the Fluid.

The Fluid is what Opal used to call the stomach Flu when she was younger, Kindergarten. That’s when she got it for the first time. Our entire house, including baby Ericha, got the stomach flu. It was nasty and took weeks before I felt confident that our house was no longer being tormented by the demon-virus. The next year, First Grade, Opal was out sick for a total of 40 days! She had the Fluid for exactly five of those days, the rest were generic viruses. Regardless, a phobia was born.

However, Opal’s Fluid-phobia always had a very different texture than her screaming. On the one hand, she had her regular outbursts which were completely unconcerned with volume and level of destruction. On the other hand was her fear of sickness: it was quiet, helpless, lots of tears, as if she wanted to hide from it all. 

Only now do I realize that they are each a side of the same coin.

It’s all fear. It’s all feeling a lack of control. It’s all having emotions that feel bigger than what her little body can process. The same story told in two very different ways.

Recently, during the last few weeks, Opal’s Flu Phobia (she no longer calls it the Fluid) has grown to a massive, suffocating beast. Most mornings, she will be going along fine and then say something like, “Here comes the fear again.” It’s heart-wrenching. Like the twinge in the back of my neck that tells me I’m about to have a headache; it’s so hard not to brace yourself against it, gritted teeth, white knuckles. Or to simply give up before it even starts, which is often the case with Opal. She sees the beast approaching and she lies down at its feet. Tears, paralysis, panic. 

Jesse and I agreed that something more has to be done. Something bigger than us from someone who is trained to guide us all along this rocky, unpredictable path. I suppose I always thought that since Opal was working with the same things I have worked with —and still occasionally work with—that I could help her through. But no. My experience does not translate. And I say with all the heart I can muster. 

Nov. 13, 2018

[wingsoverbros]

"Who we are... if anyone figures it out, can you fill me in?" or "My thoughts on SPN 12.22"

Ok, since this finale night was a doozey *and* a double episode, I'm gonna take them on one at a time. This round, it's the first one, and I'll link the second episode here as well as posting the links in the usual places. On to our first episode of the evening...

For previous episodes: 12.01 - 12.02 - 12.03 - 12.04 - 12.05 - 12.06 - 12.07 - 12.08 - 12.09 - 12.10 - 12.11 - 12.12 - 12.13 - 12.14 - 12.15 - 12.16 - 12.17 - 12.18 - 12.19 - 12.20 - 12.21

Now, on to Supernatural 12.22 - "Who we are"

Now this was a great episode. After 2 episodes in a row where I was left irritated at the plot elements and wished for better treatment for certain characters, I'm glad to see an episode that was both well written and treated all of our hero characters with respect. It even did well with the bad guys, at least giving them send-offs that were in character and meaningful to the story at large (which was sadly better then the finale episode that followed it, but we'll get into that one next time.)

I loved that the episode showed us that the hunter community is deeply interconnected and in communication with each other, regardless of whether they're actively hunting, or just associated to active hunters. (I wonder if it extends to retired hunters. Did Dean or Sam have Cesar and Jesse on a contact list somewhere? Are they safe? I certainly hope so.) The episode was quite clever at how it showed us who is still alive in the Supernatural Universe, and I was delighted to find that both Garth and Bess are still alive and in contact with Dean (and that Dean's concern about the well-being of family extends to the well-being of family of his friends). I also deeply appreciated the unannounced appearance of Alex and her handy nursing school skills, and the mention of Donna as an interconnected hunter safe-house. Considering Jody has become Bobby, does that make Donna into Rufus? (At least she wouldn't make other do all the work on Saturdays...)

How kick-ass were Alex and Jody? Alex, despite her attempted separation from Hunting and monsters, clearly has superior fighting skills and a drive to protect her loved ones. Only someone on top of their game could have beaten off remote-controlled Mary with as few injuries as she seemed to have. I hope that in the future, she decides to amend her need to get away from Hunting and instead go along on hunts to use her newfound skills in medical care to help both hunters and the victims of monsters.

Jody continues to be absolutely amazing. With Hunters dropping left and right, she (with help from Alex) managed to survive Mary's attack when many others failed, and subdued her with what looked like minimal injuries to both. (I loved that she showed concern over Dean) It makes sense that Jody's house is now a local gathering spot for the hunting community, as her connections to law enforcement make her an invaluable asset to the community. Her actions during the raid gave me quite the thrill also, as it as clearly written in a way to make us concerned that she would make it through while simultaneously reminding us that she does this sort of thing in her day job as well. Of all the hunters there, outside the Winchesters, she's the one most equipped to survive a battle like that. (Although, I was surprised when she zipped up to the raid in her Sioux Falls Sheriff truck. That seems a bit conspicuous, although that's never stopped the Impala, so I guess that can be overlooked.)

You know, I was actually pleased when it was Jody who killed Low-rent Delores Umbridge. By having Sam kill the computer link (the Old men at MoL HQ are actually still alive? I'd guessed otherwise. Good to know) and Jody kill Umbridge, now the entire Hunting community in the United States has made a clear stand against the MoL. The Hunters were here first, thank you, and if you want it, prepare to die to take it. Granted, with the "Old Men" still alive back in Britain, this likely isn't the end of their story-line, but this setback should be enough to make them rethink how they go about doing things.

The episode actually surprised me once, when they showed us the pair of hunters who first successfully killed Dean and Sam way back in season 5. Considering everything that has happened and changed over the years, combined with Dean's threat at the time, I honestly expected these hunters to have been killed along the way. Whether by Dean, by Demon Dean, by Souless Sam, or by Cas at several points over the years, I expected that something had to have eventually caught up to them and killed them. Instead, those Hunter cousins had to have avoided the Winchesters and allies for nearly a decade, all while knowing that they did indeed kill them... and it *made absolutely no difference* in the long run. Imagine how paranoid that pair is now (it certainly explains them giving the guys the side-eye all episode). We they showed up, I was uncertain if I liked that development or not, but after some thought, I think I do. The fact that they're still alive means that even at their lowest points over the years, Dean and Sam still had more humanity then that pair of hunters did. They could have hunted them down, but they didn't. They let them live, because they were people and could still do some good. That polishes a bit of the tarnish off the boys, makes them look better. And it seems Karma will right the wrongs for them, as one of the pair didn't walk away from the battle.

Arthur Ketch was, however, irredeemable as a character, and I must admit to being highly pleased that he was killed in the end by Mary. Ketch has just gotten progressively creepier over the season, and his strange attachment to Mary was one of the darker things on this season, when you realize that he was likely using her brainwashing to keep her within his immediate grasp. Ketch is clearly not a guy accustomed to not getting what he wants. His reaction to Toni also point to him being extremely dangerous if his feelings change, and I'm glad that Mary snapped out of it and stopped him from hurting Dean. She chose a side several episodes ago, and I'm glad that Mary managed to wrench back her agency and make her point very clear to a psychopath that wouldn't take no for an answer.

On the same point, I'm actually sad for Lady Toni Bevell. She fell as a victim to Ketch, off-screen and only momentarily noted, and it looked like she didn't even get a chance to defend herself. It's always a sad fate for anyone, even a somewhat villainous character, to be killed by an abusive ex. She deserved a chance to fight back, go down with a fighting spirit. Hopefully, wherever she ends up takes into account she died trying to right her wrongs and move on with her life. (And I really hope the MoL doesn't have the same "Death and Retirement" rules as Wolfram and Hart from Angel. Being stuck as a ghost with that lot would suck, unless she had a score to settle. Maybe she can help Mick drive them all crazy.) Also, I'd like to thank Berens for remembering her son back in Great Britain, and using him to make Dean give her a little slack. It's always good to see one of the writers remember story-line continuity on the little things.

It's been an observation of mine that every child bears the scars from their parents, regardless of how well they parented. The worse the job, the more scars there are. Maturity is basically how you learn from your scars and adjust to them, with some people doing better and some doing worse. Dean seems to have been more scarred over the years then Sam is, and his monologue this episode acknowledged that, as well as the reason why. Dean, at the ripe old age of nearly 5 years old, had to become the mother *and father* to another small child. Sam was insulated from the scarring by that, while Dean was essentially left out in the open.

Now, most of this wasn't totally anyone human's fault. Mary was murdered, so she couldn't be there, and John was not in the right mental place to be able to handle anything alone (I wonder if the mental manipulations of the Angels made that any worse?) However, both of them had choices that they made which made the situations worse. The demon wouldn't even have been in the house if Mary hadn't have agreed to let it in (although it turns out that the alternative is actually worse, according to the next episode), and John should have at least tried to moderate how he parented verses how he hunted. It's possible, we've seen a few hunting parents, even single parents. None of them have been quite as obsessive about it as John. So neither parent is blameless (especially since both characters are examples of how the show likes to take good characters and swiftly make them fairly unlikable under the theory that it makes them "complicated and deep"), but neither meant for it to happen.

Thankfully, Dean (and Sam) have been through enough over the last 12 years to realize that mistakes happen despite the best of intentions. They've certainly done their fair share. That makes this episode the perfect time for Dean and Mary to have this conversation. The crap of the last decade has made Dean mature, and put him in the perfect place to deal with the side effects of his childhood. This is the first version of Dean that is well equipped to have a healthy relationship with his mother, father, and brother. With all of the characters finally able and willing to forgive and adjust, they can all move on and create a good future. <examples needed - stopped here>

(I'd love to see the season 12 versions of Dean and Sam dealing with the John they had when he died. They all need closure.)

And after what comes next, I hope they get a chance to have that future.

Side note: If you look at them side by side, 12.03 and 12.22 make for perfect bookends for the season. Matching story-lines, where elements brought up in one (such as Dean's reaction to Mary leaving and Mary's adjustment issues) are finally addressed in the other (that long-needed monologue of Dean to Mary). You can really tell they have the same high-quality writer. Even if most of the other writers don't do well with continuity and plot threads, at least we have a few that write like a dream.

The Bunker designs *still* doesn't make sense to me. If Ketch was able to use a spell to prevent them from restarting and unsealing the bunker from inside, why not use magic as the way to seal the bunker and the emergency bunker over-rides were *inside* the bunker, just glued down with magic? Dean could have needed to get outside to break a sigil or something to break the spell, rather then hang the whole sequence on an impossibly stupid bunker design.

If I were them, I'd clean the debris out of that sewer tunnel, put in a seal-able emergency door, and charm it to be invisible. Just in case. It's always better to have a back door.

Considering how much of the MoL furniture and doors get damaged or destroyed in the bunker over the years, I figure they either have a bunch of replacements stashed around and Dean is raiding the rooms, or Dean's gotten rather proficient at fixing woodwork. Either way, excellent job there, Dean.

Observations:

I admit to cheering when Dean used the Rocket Launcher to blow through the wall in the Bunker. I've been waiting for years for them to use that thing, and from the amount of times it's been mentioned this season, I figured it would in fact be used in the finale. Using it in that confined space was a little nuts, though. I'm surprised Dean kept his eardrums. Nice Die Hard reference when shooting it, too.

The safety goggles joke amused me. Frankly, as much as the Winchesters used to get backhanded into walls and such, I've always thought they needed more safety gear. At least helmets.

The amount of spells and such needing Virgin Blood is astounding. So is the fact that they can fake it via purification spells. That makes Dean a virgin for what, the 4th time?

I wonder what happened to Ketch's motorcycle? (I'd have stolen it afterward, to be honest. It's not like he's gonna need it.)

The fact that Dean thought that he finally had the life he wanted at the very beginning of the season made me sad. It added another layer of angst over the scenes where Mary walked away from the guys, and helps explain Dean's reactions in episode 3 and 13. It also explains Dean's reactions in 12.19 and adds layers of feeling onto the fact that Cas has essentially now decided to trade his dedication to Dean (and by association, Sam) for a super-powered baby. No wonder Dean seems down the last few episodes.

I also feel for Sam. For years, He's craved something making the fight easy, something he doesn't have to think or angst about. The MoL gave him that, and then the Brits took it away again. Hopefully, he and the others can take what tools and info they received and reform a better version in the US for the Hunter community. A MoL, hunter edition.

"You're Lunatics! Action movie loving, cheeseburger-eating, moronic American lunatics!" - Yep, that's practically the definition of "American", especially American Hunters. Welcome to America, Lady Bevill. Death recommends the junk food, it's to die for.

Looking back at "The Raid" and "The British Invasion", I realized that I came very close to accurately predicting this episode, just as the finale episode of the season. Considering what happens in 12.23, maybe it should have been.

Also, it should be noted that Mary has continued the family Death Count for lovers. So far, only Dean doesn't have a notation on the "Sleep with them and Die!" chart. (Although, I’ve no problem if the show would like to imply something...)

This episode was fantastic, which was a lovely change after a series of progressively more irritating episodes beforehand. You can tell the episode was written by someone who both understood the characters and what plot elements make up an interesting and logical story-line, and was willing to give us a episode full of kick-ass ladies who thankfully manage to survive the episode. That's not something we get very often on this show. Sadly, the finale episode was not nearly as good, or as painless.

* * *

Ok, that was my viewpoint of the first episode of May 18. Next up, the finale episode, 12.23, which I’m working on now. It’ll be right here.