#it reminded me about our first quiz results

[extrashortshorts]

Something stupid

[crackedpumpkin]

|| ʙʟᴀɴᴋ ᴄᴀɴᴠᴀꜱ || ᴘᴛ. ᴛᴡᴏ ||

[ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 ] | [ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ] | [ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ]

The sun is annoying, and the world can survive without vegetables.

This is the conclusion you’ve drawn after waking up to warm, yellow rays that shine directly onto your closed eyes. You blink groggily, rubbing your tired eyes with a free hand while the other brushes your teeth. 

“Honey, you’re gonna be late!” 

You mumble out an incoherent reply to your mom from the bathroom, quickly tossing on a thin cardigan after rinsing your mouth to rid the intense menthol sting that lingers on your lips. Entering the kitchen once done, however, provides you with a delicious reminder of how amazing of a cook your mom is. 

You grab a fork, devouring the scrambled eggs on toast. Sriracha stains the plate as a result of your messy eating habits, placing the now-empty plate in the basin with a satisfied hum. “Thanks, Mama!” You grab your school bag and rush to the door. You pause at the small alcove before the door, stepping down and slipping on your shoes. 

“Bye, Mama! See you later!” You call out before shutting the door behind you. The walk to school is as usual, with loud car horns being beeped as people rush to work while you stroll past graffiti-filled walls on the side of buildings. The street outside your school is already crowded with various cliques chatting away, and you enthusiastically greet some of them with nods and half-smiles as you enter through the main gate.

You polish off your taco, throwing away your napkin after using it to wipe your lips of any grease stuck on them. You look up at the sound of your name being called, grinning once you see a short brunette walking down the hallway. “Morning,” You greet Nicole cheerfully, opening your locker and pulling out the textbooks and notebooks you need for the day.

“What’s with you today?” 

You hum at her question, glancing at her with a quick shrug as she scrolls through Instagram. Nicole’s the first friend you made here in Brooklyn High School after transferring here four months ago. She had been the first to approach you, asking to borrow a pencil after she forgot to bring hers to class. 

Like any other teenager being forced to move cities to somewhere completely new, you stick to her like glue after that, eventually infiltrating your way into her friend group. 

“You know me, studious and independent’s the vibe I got goin’ on,” You grin at Nicole, draping an arm around her shoulder and giving her an affectionate squeeze. She looks up from her phone with a frown, using her finger to push up her glasses which had slid down slightly from their usual perch on her nose.

“Don’t be so uptight,” You chuckle, nudging her side. She sighs, rolling her eyes in amusement instead. You’re interrupted from your conversation on where to hang out this weekend at your name being yelled out from a distance away. 

“Eyyyy, que pasa!” You laugh at Michael’s greeting as he comes up to you with an outstretched fist, bumping it gently after removing your arm from where it was resting around Nicole’s shoulders. “Have you studied for the quiz today?” He asks, slinging a casual arm around your shoulders while you walk down the hall with Nicole beside you. 

You hum with a quick shrug. “Think so?”

“Man, you gotta get your head down from the clouds, bro.” He chuckles, trying to move sneakily to stand beside Nicole, who simply holds up her hand, stopping him from coming any closer with a glare. He retracts the arm he’s about to sling around her shoulders with a sheepish grin, holding it up in surrender.

“Anyway,” He brushes off her clear rejection, focusing back on you, “I’m planning a hangout with a few friends to celebrate the end of exam season. You in?” You immediately nod with a wide grin, already excited at the thought of goofing around with your friends. 

“Of course, you’re invited too. Maybe we can have our own little hangout-” 

“I’d rather stab my right arm.” Nicole cuts him off with an angelic smile, though her venom-filled words elicit an amused laugh from Michael. “Ah, how I love that icy nature of yours,” He sighs with a shake of his head.

“Who’s coming?’ You ask absentmindedly, adjusting the two notebooks in your arms. 

“Jeremy, Ally, Geoff, Tiff, Miles…”

“Miles? As in, Miles Morales?” Nicole finally speaks, eyes wide in surprise.

“Who’s that?” You don’t recognise the name. The rest you’re familiar with, though. They’re all in Brooklyn High, just in different classes. You’d seen them in passing around the school, and they recognised you in turn as one of Michael’s friends. 

“Right, you don’t know him. He transferred a while before you joined. He’s in Brooklyn Visions now. Here,” Nicole holds up her phone to your face, and you squint at the picture on her screen. Huh. He’s kinda cute, you suppose.

“Cool. Guess we’ll meet during the hangout then.” You sit down at your desk, Michael sitting at the desk beside you while she takes her seat in front of you.

“Wait, how do you know Miles?” Nicole rolls her eyes as she turns around in her chair, placing her elbow on your desk as she leans on her palm. 

“He helped me out a couple of times.” She answers simply. Michael frowns slightly. “Were you two….?”

“Why? Are you going to be devastated if I say yes?” Nicole smirks. “Unfortunately, it’s actually because our moms knew each other.” She sighs, holding up her free hand to observe her nails.

Before Michael can respond, the bell rings to signal the start of classes. They pass by in a flash, and all too soon, you’re outside the door to the art classroom. You’re hesitant to enter, eyeing the doorknob as if it’d burn you as soon as you touch it. 

“Well? Will you stay outside collecting dust, or will you enter?” You flinch at the sudden voice, looking up to see Miss Dawson looking at you with an expectant gaze. Her arms are crossed, waiting for you to go inside. 

“Y-yeah, I was just about to, but then I realised I forgot my…. brushes?” 

“You stored them in my desk drawer last week because they were too heavy to carry home with you.” 

Damn it. You purse your lips, huffing at your forgetfulness. “Fine,” You mutter, grabbing the doorknob and turning it, walking to your usual corner of the room. You pull out your sketchbook and pencil case, leaning back in your chair and waiting for Miss Dawson to start her lesson.

“Today, I’ll be assigning you a task for your end-of-year exams. I know some of you are interested in building up your portfolio to apply for the Brooklyn Academy of Fine Arts or maybe even to other schools in different states.” You perk up slightly at the mention of art school, placing your hands on your sketchbook. Miss Dawson speaks slowly yet surely, looking at each student with pure conviction. When her gaze lands on you, you’re a hundred percent sure she can see every thought that crosses your mind, each doubt that lingers in your heart. 

“Your topic is, Your Favourite Scenery.”

Murmurs spread through the class, everyone looking at each other with worry. You bite your bottom lip, chewing on it in thought as you furrow your brows. Sure, the topic might seem simple enough on the surface, but the fact that it’s so broad is exactly what unnerves you.

Having a chosen topic is good as a guideline, even more so when you know precisely what your favourite scenery is. With the addition of inspiration and motivation, it’d be a breeze to complete.

The problem is, you have none of the above.

You’re not sure what scenery you enjoy, much less have a favourite. Sure, sunsets are pretty, and skyscrapers are cool, but not much really struck you as deeply. You’re made aware of Miss Dawson gesturing for you to come over to her desk, hesitantly standing up and walking there while everyone else is discussing among themselves about the topic given.

You part your lips to greet her, only to be cut off when she holds out her hand expectantly. You huff, handing her your sketchbook. She flips through the pages, frowning slightly when she sees the random doodles and mindless sketches until she stops on a specific one.

She hums, taking in whatever’s on the page. You can’t remember what you’ve drawn, but you’re more than reluctant to admit how much of a slump you’ve been in lately. It’s not like you can come into class, declaring your lack of talent whilst waving your hands in the air.

You focus on Miss Dawson's makeshift jar of pencils on her desk, recalling someone else gifting it to her for Teacher’s Day. The blunt nibs are a testament to how much she uses them, a bedazzled one drawing your attention. You pick it up, observing the tiny sequins firmly glued to the wood with a fascinated gaze. 

You flinch when Miss Dawson suddenly clears her throat, automatically moving your hands behind your back and focusing your attention back on her. “So, I assume you had an encounter with our city’s local hero?”

“How’d you know?” You ask, eyes wide in surprise. 

She simply turns the sketchbook around to face you, the sketch you’d made last night of Spiderman clear as day. Your cheeks warm, the drawing having slipped your mind. “Looking through your sketchbook, it’s obvious that you’ve been in a slump, honey. But this sketch…This is really good, maybe even one of the better ones you’ve done.”

“Thank you?” You’re not sure if she just complimented or insulted you. 

“Seeing him must have helped your inspiration somewhat, didn’t it?”

“I guess so. I dunno, it’s not like a switch I can turn on and off anytime I want.”

“Well, you’ll have to learn how to keep it on. And for this assignment in particular, I want you to focus not just on your favourite scenery. I want you to focus on what exactly makes it your favourite.” Miss Dawson hands the sketchbook back to you with a knowing smile, and you take it from her unsurely.

“Right…” You return to your desk with one dismissive wave from her hand, sitting back down with a defeated groan. You prop your chin onto your hand, staring at the sketch blankly.

An art slump is the worst. Besides, it’s just a drawing of Spiderman; although it is admittedly some of your best work, it’s not like you can just channel that again at the snap of your fingers.

You need inspiration. You need motivation. You need….a muse, which can only mean one thing.

You’re gonna attempt to find Spiderman.

Attempt #1: Have a friendly run-in!

“This is such a bad idea; why am I even trying to find a superhero? I’m literally just going to ask him to be my muse and he’s gonna say no, which is gonna be so embarrassing and I’ll never be able to show my face around here again and what if next time I’m being robbed he turns away because it’s me??”

“Okay, calm down. He’s not going to turn away because he rejected you, or he wouldn’t be a superhero. Also, you’re literally being paranoid because I’m not there with you.” 

You frown, pulling your phone away from your ear to check if it really is Nicole you’re calling. “That’s not true.”

“I know when you’re lying.”

“Okay, maybe I’m being slightly paranoid, but for good reason! Why can’t you just come with me? You’re good at getting people to do what you want.” 

Nicole’s soft chuckle somewhat relieves you, knowing she took it as a compliment. “I’d come over, but I have to help plan the outing with the group, remember? And I’m not the one with a ride to an Art Academy on the line - you are.”

“Wait, outing?”

“Yeah, remember this morning? You’ll meet Miles then; I think you’d get along. Anyway, you’ll do fine. Michael told me Spidey swings by the hotdog cart every Tuesday, so I guess it’s reliable information.” Nicole reassures you, though her last few emotions are filled with a tinge of doubt. She pulls the phone away to mumble something to someone, and you’re sure it’s an insult based on the irritated bite in her voice when she returns to the phone.

“Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow then…” You say reluctantly, unwilling to hang up the phone.

“Yeah, bye.”

The monotonous dial tone greets your ears after Nicole’s curt goodbye. You shut off your phone, flipping your sketchbook to an empty page with a sigh. You rifle through your pencil case, picking up the sequined pencil you’d accidentally taken from Miss Dawson and tapping it against the blank paper.

Draw your favourite scenery.

You look around, taking in the vibrant green trees and serene lake, the joyful laughter of children and parents filling the air. It’s peaceful. Dogs wander around, some leashed and some set loose. One approaches you, but you wave it away, flinching when it gets too close for comfort. It’s no longer peaceful.

“You can go away now…” You mumble, poking its side to hopefully urge it to move away from you. Your legs automatically move up to the bench, drawing your knees close to your chest. “Shoo, bad dog! Where’s your owner?” You glance up to check if their owner is nearby, only for your bedazzled pencil to be snatched out of your hands.

“Hey!” You exclaim angrily, reaching out to grab it from the dog’s mouth. You hesitate when you see the dog drool dripping onto the end of the pencil, eyeing it with a shudder. You take a moment to steel yourself, grabbing the slimy end with as much force as possible, trying to yank it free from its mouth. 

“Let go of my stuff! That’s not yours! I have to return it to Miss Dawson, you stupid dog!” Your grip slips, and you land on the ground with a yelp, wincing when your knee gets scraped by the coarse dirt through your ripped jeans. 

“Give it back!” You demand, lurching yourself forward and grabbing the pencil again. However, the dog growls playfully, thinking of it as nothing more than a game for entertainment. “This is why,” You grunt between shallow breaths, “I prefer cats!”

Your sketchbook had fallen beside you, the beautiful cover now stained with dirt. You narrow your eyes into a glare, scowling at the dog. “Let go!” 

It finally does, maybe because it sensed that you wouldn’t be playing with it. You fall back once more, your back hitting the ground harshly. The breath is instantly knocked out of your chest, and you inhale deeply, trying to force more air back into your lungs with a choked gasp. 

You sit back up, holding the pencil up victoriously until you remember that there’s dog drool all over your hand. You groan in disgust, searching for a tissue to wipe it off. Wait. Your sketchbook is missing. 

You look around frantically, only to see the exact same dog from earlier now burying a half-open sketchbook into the dirt. Your sketchbook. A strangled yell rips itself from your throat, practically throwing yourself at it with a glare that could rival even Karen herself. You push the dog away, scrabbling at the dirt to uncover your almost completely buried sketchbook. 

“Bye, Spiderman!” Your head instantly turns at the sentence, spotting the familiar black silhouette nodding his thanks to the hotdog cart owner, his hotdog securely held in his hand. He flicks his free hand and shoots a web onto the side of a building, beginning to leave.

“Wait! I have a ques-” 

He swings off into the distance, already blocks away in the span of a few seconds without hearing your cry. Your arm falls to your side, collapsing back onto the ground to catch your breath while your sketchbook lies buried in the dirt. 

Damn it.

Attempt #2: Get Mugged!

“God, I hope this works,” You mumble. The streets around you are dimly lit, and you’re armed with nothing more than your bulky pencil case and a whistle, both stored in the deep pockets of your hoodie. The handbag containing your wallet and phone bumps against your waist, the strap loosely slung across your shoulder.

You’re the perfect walking target to be mugged.

Granted, this is probably one of the worst ideas you’ve had in the history of bad ideas. The chilly Brooklyn night breeze tickles your ears with an icy breath, and your body gives an involuntary shiver. You scan the empty streets hopefully. When was Spiderman – or better yet, a robber, going to show up?

Whether it was desperation or pure adrenaline driving you forward at this point, you couldn’t tell.

But you’re here, and you’re determined to see things through.

Minutes pass of you wandering the dark streets like a fool, and you’re just about to head back home when you sense that something’s off. Your steps slow, and you hear someone else’s shoes scuffle a short distance behind you. 

You start to speed up, fingers gripping the heavy pencil case in your pocket. You’d been hit by it before by accident and did not get away unscathed by any means. Your heartbeat quicks its pace in your chest, sensing them get closer with each step. 

There he is.

You finally spot Spiderman chilling on the roof of a nearby apartment building, breaking into a run. The mugger behind you grunts in surprise, and you hear him start to run as well. Your breaths are short and ragged, and you finally reach just below the building. 

“Stop right there, missy!” Looking up from where you’ve bent over to catch your breath, you see the sharp knife blade held up at you. The robber is slouching, just as out of breath as you are. However, he straightens his back and flashes you a yellow-toothed smirk from under his cap, and you shudder at the bits of dirt clearly seen in his beard. 

You hold your arms up in surrender, risking a quick glance up, only for Spiderman to jump down and land smoothly right in front of you. “Hey man, didn’t your mother ever tell you not to play around with sharp objects?” He tuts, shaking his head as he uses his web shooter to tug the knife away from the robber.

The knife lands in his hands with ease, the robber immediately turning to flee. “I don’t like doing this bit, but you leave me no choice!” Spiderman does a quick frontflip and lands before the robber, grabbing his shoulder and tilting his head. “You should’ve known better,” You hear him scold, and spot a light blue electric current flowing from his fingers to the robber, knocking him unconscious. 

Spiderman lets go, taking a surprised step back as the robber falls to the floor, unconscious. He winces, dusting off his hands and walking toward you. “You shouldn’t come out here during the night,” He chides playfully, grabbing the knife that had fallen to the floor when he caught the mugger. “You’d be in a lot of trouble if I wasn’t here.”

“Yeah, thank you. Actually, I wanted to ask-”

“Whoop.” He cuts you off, glancing at his watch, “I’d love to stay and chat, but duty calls! You’re gonna want to take a right down here, another left, and then one more right and you’ll be at the main street. Stay safe!” He gestures down to a more brightly lit street, patting your back before shooting his web shooter at a nearby building.

“Wait- Ugh,” You groan in defeat, watching him swing off again without hearing your question. Your arm is outstretched, fingers barely brushing against his arm before he leaves. 

DAMN IT.

Attempt #3: If he doesn’t stop and listen to the goddamn question, you’re going to lose it.

“Calm down, pinto.”

“I spilt pinto beans on myself, one time, people. One. Time.” You frown, crossing your arms. Nicole smirks, shrugging nonchalantly in response. 

“Yeah, yeah. Michael told me that he saw your Spidey boy swing around the taco truck down the street a couple times every Thursday, so we should keep a lookout. Don’t want your sketchbook taken away from you again, do we?” 

“How does Michael even know all this?” You mumble. 

“Look, we don’t ask him questions, and he doesn’t ask us any. It’s a two-way street, pinto. Use those brains of yours.” You shove Nicole lightly with a roll of your eyes. Falling back, she leans against a wall, immediately pulling out her phone and scrolling through it. 

God, she has a serious internet addiction. You choose to scan the crowd instead, your gaze sweeping over the kids from the Brooklyn Visions Academy filling the street, having just gotten out of their clubs. You look somewhat out of place with your own uniform, shuffling your feet slightly when they glance over with confused gazes. 

You raise your brows in response to a few of them, and they leave with a haughty scoff. You roll your eyes. Stuck up snobs, the lot of them. Hopefully, the information Michael provided is accurate, though you’re sure you’ll never know where he gets it from. 

“Hey, is the bowling alley chill with you for the hangout? Miles sucks at bowling, so we can team up to obliterate the boys.” 

“Sure,” You reply absentmindedly, only to pause and turn to face her. “Is he not free to meet up before, though? I’d like to get to know him first, so it won’t be as awkward.” 

“Nah,” Nicole frowns at her screen, “He’s busy on all the days I suggested. Something about homework and stuff. Maybe he’s turned into one of the snobs.” She puts her phone away with a snort. “Also, there’s your Spidey-guy.”

“What?” True enough, he’s at the taco truck right now, ordering a taco and waiting patiently. Spiderman has to have lunch breaks too, you suppose. You watch him tap his fingers against the metal table, bobbing his head along to a beat playing in his mind.

You grit your teeth, grab your bag and keep your now clean sketchbook, having wiped off all the dirt with a cloth and the best surface cleaner you own back home. Your eyes shine with a determined glint, practically marching through the crowd to him.

“Hey!” You stumble back, looking down at the bright yellow mustard on your pristine white shirt. “Are you kidding me?” You growl in frustration, looking up to see a girl dressed in the Brooklyn Visions uniform holding up her ruined basket of fries, the small toppled tub now on its side and most of the sauce on you.

“Watch where you’re going!” She huffs, looking at you with pure disdain. 

“Watch where I’m going? Watch where you’re going!” 

Oh God, please let him still be there-

Spiderman is holding his taco now, trying to slip away through the crowd. Your eyes narrow into a glare, pushing past the girl with a muttered apology, running as fast as possible to catch up to the superhero.

You spot him jogging into an alleyway, following suit. You stop, however, when you see that it’s empty. “What?” You mumble, looking around frantically for him. You hear a loud coo, looking up to see the very hero you’re looking for crawling along the wall of the Academy dorms. 

“Wha-?” Now you’re baffled. You watch him reach a specific window, using an arm to open it and enter before sliding it shut behind him. Three floors up and the last one down the hall. Got it. You run to the entrance, only to be stopped by a security guard.

“Woah, woah, woah. Only students of Brooklyn Visions Academy are allowed inside.” He chuckles, holding a hand in front of you to stop you from entering. 

“No, you don’t understand! I need to talk to someone inside.” You try to plead, but he merely raises his brows. 

“Okay, what’s their name?”

“W-well. You see, here’s the thing.” You laugh nervously, rubbing the back of your neck. 

“Mmhm. Come back when you have their name, and I’ll call them down for you, okay?” He dismisses you, using his hands to turn your shoulders around. He pats your back slightly, sending you on your way.

You frown, brows furrowing in thought for a way to get in. Maybe Nicole would have an idea. She’s eerily good at stuff like this. Your feet pound against the pavement in a steady rhythm as you run back to where you had left her waiting.

“Nic!” You call out, panting heavily once you reach the girl who’s still in the same position as when you left. “I need help; I gotta sneak into the dorms of the snob school.” You say through your gulps for air, your lungs screaming for more oxygen.

“You need to sneak in?” She asks, looking up from her phone with raised brows.

“Yeah. I can’t explain right now, but I really need your help.” You confirm breathlessly.

She mulls over your plea for a moment before shrugging, moving away from the wall and pocketing her phone. She stretches her arm above her head momentarily. “Stay here.” She orders before stepping out of the alleyway and out of your sight. 

You wait, albeit impatiently, tapping your foot as urgency consumes you. Nicole soon returns with the Academy’s blazer in her hands, tossing it at you with a grin. “Got it for free; you can keep it. I gotta go for a study session. Will you be okay on your own?”

“Yeah, thanks, Nic.” She never fails to impress you every time. You thank her quickly before returning to the dorm entrance, wearing the blazer on the way. You halt once you reach it, keeping your head down and fastening the buttons securely, hiding the bright yellow stain on your shirt. 

God, it’s probably going to get onto the blazer too, you wince. Spotting a group of girls walking into the entrance, you jog over and stick close to them, walking past the security guard from earlier. 

Once you’re inside, your tense shoulders sag with relief, a massive weight being lifted off your chest. The atrium is pretty cool, but you don’t have time to admire any architecture right now. You glance at the two winding staircases, signs directing the students to the boys' or girls' side.

You recall the window being on the right side of the building, walking up the respective staircase. Luckily, not many students are around. Most of them have gone out. 

Third floor, last room down the hall.

You take the lift up, exchanging an awkward smile with another girl who’s clearly sneaking in as well. She gets off at the second floor, and you spam the button to close the lift doors. As soon as they close, you practically collapse against the wall with a long, drawn-out sigh of relief.

The lift doors open to the third floor. You peek your head out, looking around. Good, there’s no one.

Stepping out of the lift, you pause. Do you go right, left, or straight? From what you recall of the exterior structure, you’re pretty sure it’s the hall on your left. Steeling your resolve, you walk down the carpeted floor, your footsteps muffled. 

There it is, the room at the end of the hallway. You raise your hand, knocking on the hard wood once, twice, three times.

Silence is all that greets you.

“Is anyone there?” You call out softly. When no one responds, you grip the doorknob just to check. To your surprise, however, the door swings open with a single push, revealing the room inside. 

It wasn’t locked.

“Pardon my intrusion….” 

You step over a pile of clothes on the floor, your nose scrunching at the smell. Deodorant and musk fill the air. A picture frame sits on a desk to your left, with a photo of a short boy.

That can’t be him; his stature is too different.

Another picture sits on a small nightstand, and you pick it up to see a familiar face. The boy in the picture with his family is tall, with chocolate brown eyes and raven-black hair. You frown, tilting your head. Where had you seen him before…?

A soft thud draws your attention. Something had fallen to the floor from where it was squashed between the bedframe of the bunk bed and another piece of furniture. You bend down, picking it up. 

Spiderman’s mask hangs loosely in your grasp.

You look multiple times from the mask and the poorly-hidden suit to the picture, finally connecting the dots. You pull out your phone, hurriedly texting the one person who could confirm your surefire theory.

yo, Nic. send me the picture of the guy - Miles, i think? - Read, 2pm

Sure ig. dont go stalking him tho - Nicole, 2pm.

The strong vibration of your phone alerts you to a new text. You look down, thankful for Nicole’s fast reply. Opening the text, an image of the ever-so-elusive Miles Morales fills your screen. 

Oh my god.

Your eyes widen, your suspicions confirmed.

It can't be.

But it's the only explanation that makes sense. 

Miles Morales is Spiderman. Spiderman is Miles Morales.

You hide the mask back where it's dropped out of its hiding place, swallowing thickly when you hear the lift ding, making your swift exit.

Rushing down the hall, the last thing you expect is to bump against the very boy you’ve been looking for. You don’t dare risk a glance, recognising him just by his shoes alone. Ignoring his apology, you run off, making your exit.

Once you exit the dorm entrance, most of the tension leaves your body. Making your way back home, your mind reels from the discovery.

Miles Morales is Spiderman.

While you slip away from his notice, Miles spots something in his peripheral vision. His suit had fallen slightly out of his hiding place. Thinking nothing of it, he goes to stuff it back in when he sees a small spot of yellow on the side of his mask.

Yellow?

He brings the mask up to his nose and takes a sniff. His brows furrow at the familiar scent.

...Mustard?

He wipes it off with a shrug.

[critical-reflex]

'93

And when I get there I'm going to play so much damn Paper Boy and eat all the damn ice cream and Eliot's pizza.

And when I ride my bike I'm going to stand up on the pedals and let my tongue hang out like a blissful bulldog on a road trip.

And when the sun comes out I will wrap my arms around it and tell it all the great things that happened to me the night before (and all the bizarre ones too).

And when she comes to me for comfort, love, support, I will give it first priority, for nothing feels better than being wanted.

And when she feels empty, listless, aimless, I will remind her that we don't need to hit targets all the time.

And we may sweat when on the verge of any result (success, failure, don't matter), how it seeps into the lids of our eyes to burn the photos we might never save to our internal camera roll.

And when I get my quiz back I'm going to write a large F on it, cuz Fuck it!, you think I care?

And when I'm done caring about evaluations and examinations, I'm going to ride my bike again without handlebars, pedals, pants. If anyone has a problem with it, they can respectfully choke.

[anangelwhodidntfall]

Intimacy Challenge: Day (10)

30 Day Intimacy Challenge

word count: 1.5k

Day 10: Take this quiz to discover your primary love language, what it means, and how you can use it to better connect with your loved ones.

Neteyam:

You both sat quietly finishing up your love language tests, curious to see what each of your love languages was. You finished up first and waited for Neteyam, who finished a few seconds later, after swapping tests, you two calculated the results for each other. 

"So what's mine?" Neteyam asked you. 

"It's words of affirmation, which makes sense to me." You said to him. 

"Really? How's that?" He asked you. 

"It's just that I notice when I compliment you on something you've done and I notice how happy it makes you. Does hearing me compliment you or tell you what a good job you are doing, make you happy?" You asked him. 

"It does. Hearing you say how good am at something, or how I look good, makes my day. Helps me know that I make you happy if that makes sense." He said squeezing your hand. 

"It does. I'll try to do better about handing them out because you really do make me happy even if I forget to tell you sometimes." You said smiling at him.

 "I know you do but doesn't hurt to hear it." He said placing a kiss on your forehead. 

"Alright, so what is mine?" You asked him. 

"Your is quality time together which surprised me." He said.

 "It's not me. I love having your undivided attention and/or working on tasks together." You said to him.

 "Really? How can I be about this? Because I know I'm not the best at doing this." He asked you. 

"Giving me your undivided attention or one on one time where we just work on our own things. Because even if we aren't talking to each other, I can still feel your love for me while being in the same room." You said to him.

 "Is that why when we work on stuff together in the same room, you always seem happy?" He asked. 

"Yeah, it is." You said.

Jake:

You both sat quietly finishing up your love language tests, curious to see what each of your love languages was. You both finished at the same time and swapped tests, and began calculating the results for each other.

"Alright sweetness, you love language is Acts of Service." He said which made sense to you.

"You don't seem surprised." He said making you laugh.

"Because I'm not. I love when you offer to help me out with any tasks I've gotta do or just take initiative and make breakfast or food for me or just do something to help lessen my day." You said to him.

"That's why I love offering to do your work for you or anything to help you out, to make your day easier for you, so it looks like I really know you." He said with a smirk.

"Remind me why I am with you again. Because surely it isn't because of this cockiness." You said.

"Oh stop it, sweetheart, you love me and you know it. Now tell me what mine is." He said placing a kiss on your lips.

"Not shocking to anyone here but your is physical touch. You said to him.

"I mean I do love when you show me physical affection." He said.

"And you showing me that is why I am so comfortable showing it to you, to letting you know that I love you and feel safe with you." You said placing a kiss on his lips.

Z-dog:

You both sat quietly finishing up your love language tests, curious to see what each of your love languages was. You had finished first, and you could tell that your girlfriend was anxious as she took, so you reached over and squeezed her thigh giving her a smile.

"Don't be anxious, this will only help me be a better partner to you." You said as she nodded her head.

After she finished up her test, you two swapped them and calculated each other's results. You knew she was nervous about her results so you decided to tell her, her results first.

"Alright baby, your love language is Quality Time which means you love uninterrupted time talking with someone else or doing activities together, you deepen your connection with others through sharing time." You said.

"That actually makes sense. I love it when I can just have one on one time with you, or just your undivided attention for five minutes. I also love when we can work on our tasks in the same room, and I can look up and see you." She said.

"How do you think I do about this? Is there anything I can improve about it?" You asked her.

"Actually no there isn't. You are pretty good about giving me your undivided attention and making sure we have one on one time." She said making you smile as she lightly pecked your lips.

"That must mean I know you pretty well." You said to her with a smile.

"You do sweetheart. Now for your results, your love language is receiving gifts which aren't all that surprising to me." She said.

"Yeah not to me either, I love when you bring me things back makes me feel loved and to know that you are actually thinking about me throughout your day." You said.

"You think I do a good job about that or that I need some improvement?" She asked pulling you into her lap.

"No, you do a really really good job about it actually. As you noticed I'm starting to run out of room from all your gifts, but that just shows me how much you love and think about me." You said.

"I'm always thinking about you sweetheart." She said pressing a kiss to your lips.

Tsu'tey:

Personally, Tsu'tey didn't feel the need to take the test at first, he felt like you two knew each other very well but after some pouting and convincing from you, he decided to take it. He had finished a few minutes before you did and once you finished you guys decided to calculate each other's results.

"Should I go first?" You asked as he nodded.

"So your love language is words of affirmation which means you love being complimented and told when you do something right. Does that seem right?" You asked him.

"It does actually. I love it when you compliment me on something or tell me what a good or very rarely do something bad." He said as you nodded your head.

"I've noticed that too, how happy you'll get or how if you're having a bad day or something and I tell you what you are good at, you'll perk up and your tail will start swishing happily. I'll try to do more of it." You said.

"Yawne, you already do an excellent job of it. But if you wanna compliment me all day, then I won't complain." He said with a smile.

"We'll see about that baby, now what is mine?" You asked curiously.

"Yours is Physical Touch. I have noticed that over the course of our relationship that you do love physical touch." He said as you nodded your head.

"It's true I do, I love when you hold my hand, give me a kiss or multiple, hug me, or any type of physical touch really. It lets me know that you love me and are comfortable with me." You said giving him a smile as he reached for your hand.

"I do. I love you so much yawne and want everyone to know that as well." He said placing a kiss on your lips.

"Good because I love you too." You said.

Tarsem:

You both sat quietly finishing up your love language tests, curious to see what each of your love languages was. You both finished at the same time and swapped tests, and began calculating the results for each other.

"My love, your love language is gift giving." You said to him.

"That makes sense. I love giving gifts, especially to you, I love when I am able to find something that reminds me of you, and then get to bring it to you and see that big smile of yours because of how much you love it." He said with a smile.

"I love when you bring me back something that reminded you of me. Your gifts always make me smile and hold so much meaning to me." You said kissing him.

"Good that makes me so happy to hear." He said.

"Alright, so what is mine?" You asked him.

"Your is was words of affirmation. Do you actually like it when I compliment you or tell you what a good job, you are doing?" He asked you.

"Yes, you know my childhood wasn't the best, so hearing what a good job I'm doing in work or in our relationship, means a lot to me." You said to him.

"I promise to compliment you more, but I can tell you now that you do such a great job in your everyday tasks, and especially in our relationship and I'm sorry if I don't tell you more." He said squeezing your hand.

"It's alright my love, you didn't know. That's why we took this so we can improve our relationship." You said.

[zorquil]

Taking this quiz and reacting to it! Spoilers for the quiz below!

Okay, question one. What's the food for the superbowl? Well, I don't watch it, but I'll do chips and salsa. Was hard to choose between that and the veggies with ranch. Also, wow on one of the options being "whatever the wife brings".

Question two. Revealing baby's... gender. Oh gosh... Okay, I guess I'll choose cake. Though shooting a box would be kinda funny.

Question three, inspirational post. Let's see what's... Oh. No. No... That freaking first option is such a toxic masculinity thing... Like seriously, man up? Ugggh... Well, I'll just choose "the best view is after the hardest climb" because we love seeing our blorbos suffer and get through hard things. Could have chosen "don't let your sparkle dull", but the phrasing just feels so off.

Question four is a tattoo, which I don't really care about. Let's see, the options are... a skull, "Live, Laugh, Love", a dream catcher, beer, and an infinity symbol with the word love. Uh... I guess dream catchers are pretty cool?

Let's go to question five! ... Oh my gosh... "Choose an LGBT to complain about on Twitter". Sigh... I really don't care about celebrities much, if at all? Like, all I really care about are my silly Pokémon blorbos and the like. I don't even recognize half of these people, so I'll just go with Lil Nas X because X reminds me of how dumb Twitter is. Though honestly, he's kinda rocking the pink cowboy attire!

Question six is "what's your kid's name?" I'm going with Carter, I guess. The others don't appeal to me as much. Actually, wait, Avery is also kinda nice... Yeah, I'll choose Avery.

Question seven! Pick your wedding theme! Honestly, I never think about it due to not really caring much about romance or anything? Though a barn-type wedding would be kinda fun because cowboy hats! Rustic was a close second.

Question e-Oh no. I already saw it and clicked over to this tab because it said "how do you feel about gay people?" What homophobic crap will be appearing on this... Yep, the options are horrible. I am in pain. The second option is just so Christian that it's just... ugh... I'll just choose the option that is the best of them, which is "YASSS SISTER SLAY!" I'm choosing to ignore the second part of the option.

OH MY GOSH! XD QUESTION NINE: HOW ARE YOU GETTING DIVORCED! Okay, that's honestly the best-worse question on this quiz! I'll actually go serious and choose the option that would fit me the most, and that's "we got bored of each other". I know that it's a bit horrible, but to be honest, I don't think I have much passion to keep a romantic relationship going (at least from what I know since I never really dated anyone except for one group church date activity). To be honest, I'm too introverted to care about stressing going on dates and stuff.

Question 10: Pick a TV show to binge. Already, Family Guy will be off the list. I don't like the idea of people who pay to have a matchmaker pair them off with someone else. Don't really care about race cars. Though I do think it would be interesting to see things get built up and fixed, so I'll choose that one. House remodeling kinda falls under that umbrella, to be honest.

Question 11 is about drinks. All of them are... stuff I refuse to drink because I don't like beer, wine, or alcohol. I'll just choose White Claw because that's the most furry name of the drinks. :3 But if I did choose a drink... Just water. Please? I don't really care about flavor drinks. I just care about being hydrated.

Finally, last question! ... Oh no. "Pick a cause to stand behind". What is it going to be? ... Yep, these are horrible. I'll probably choose Boy Scouts though since I was in a pretty good pack when I was young. Honestly though, I audibly groaned when I saw the option of "anti-vax" and "traditional gender roles".

And the result is... Christian Girl. XD

Assigned Cowboy Christian Girl By Quiz. I'm apparently in the 12% according to the poll.

That was horrendous, but I still managed to get a masochistic kick out of it. Frick you, a-frog-in-the-bog, and I hope you have a wonderful day to make up for the night you ruined for me.

answer some questions and I’ll tell you what kind of straight person you would be

[chloevivas]

A test of faith

Ah yes, surgery. I thought I was going to fail this term’s clinical conference for surgery because I missed two of his classes (+quizzes worth 25pts each). Considering that there was no room for absences in his class, I wasn’t allowed to take a make up quiz for the times I missed the class. As a result, I got a really bad grade for my midterm grade. I was starting to lose faith honestly, for me it was something beyond saving. I was preparing myself for the worst aka fail and retake the entire subject. I thought about quitting and not showing up for the class since I knew that I was doomed.

But then there’s that part of me that remained hopeful. I prayed and prayed. I knew that the Lord didn’t put me in this field for me to fail. I tried my best to get higher scores for my quizzes during finals. We only had 2 quizzes for the finals so I thought that those 2 quizzes won’t be enough for me to pull my grade higher and that my last chance would be my final exam. Our entire class thought that our exam would be on a Tuesday morning, however our professor announced that we will take our final exam on Monday afternoon. That time it was already Sunday afternoon 3pm to be exact. I panicked, I didn’t want to screw up my last chance of passing the subject so I tried to study all 10 lectures in one night. I wasn’t even sure if I was even going to finish studying all of the lectures since it was too long. I was stressed out and overwhelmed, but then the Lord reminded me of this wonderful verse

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13 NKJV

Immediately I was rebuked and I was reminded that I was feeling that way because I was simply relying on my own strength. I was also reminded that He is in control of everything, even in this situation. The Spirit told me to be still. That’s why before I started to study I set aside time to read my bible first.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6 NKJV

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, Nor detest His correction; ‭‭For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.” ‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭11-12 NKJV

As I was comforted with His word, I was able to proceed and study all of the lectures for our surgery class. Even though I was rebuked, the Lord immediately comforted me with His word. The overwhelming feeling was gone, the panic and the stressful feeling was gone as well. I found peace and comfort in Him alone.

To cut the long story short, I passed and I got a high grade for my exam. I wasn’t even expecting that I would get that score but all the glory and honor belongs to God alone!

HAHAHA this professor of mine would always see me praying before I take his exams and quizzes. Surgery is hard but it’s something that I would like to pursue more in the future. Nothing is indeed impossible with the living God. He truly is faithful. I’d like to think that what I’ve experienced was a test of faith. The Lord can use every good or bad experience of ours to teach us something and to deepen our faith and relationship with Him. Call upon the name of the Lord, ask in His name and you will be surprised how He will answer and provide your needs. Seek Him with all your heart and you shall find Him.

[nexusmhx]

I Can't Find Love so I Make Others Happy - Chapter 1

I never really understood romance at such a young age.

To be specific, I mean romance between a couple in something like middle or even high school. Granted there are the rare cases where those blossoming romances drive couples to marriage and eventually have a happy life.

However, this time period is the roughest transition that one can make. One that people aren't mature enough to process and deal with responsibly. There are more responsibilities and changes that one endures when going to university or straight into a full-time job when compared to simply being a high school student.

Sometimes, it ends in bitter heartbreak that causes rifts in both couples and the friends around them. Sometimes, there is a natural shift as the maturity changes between two people that is natural. No bitterness or heartache, just reality. I, Watanabe Yuto, had been in one relationship in my life. The result of it? Neither category fits as there was no actual love in it.

People are beings that are reliant on others to make connections. It is a foundational staple in everyday life. I understand that it strives for people to start these relationships, especially when romance is considered a highly popular thing for people in middle or high school.

Personally, I think that the best place for people to start thinking about romance is during the middle years of their time at university. It would make sense. The stress that university lectures have are more intensive and done over a longer period of time. With everything not running on the same clock, it makes sense that people have to learn to manage their time and resources better.

After a year of understanding what to do, is when people can be more grounded and comfortable to start dating. I could see it during the beginning and end of my university's lectures where groups of friends huddle together with male and female pairings who are happening to take the same course to be close together.

"Hey, Yuto."

"Hm? Oh, hey Kyoka-chan."

I wasn't particularly alone in this course. I did have a friend in this course. One that went to the same high school that I did even, Sayama Kyoka. She was diligent and a major tomboy, having a bit of a tan due to playing Tennis for school.

Luckily she was in the same major as me so I usually had one friend to talk to while leaving the lecture hall.

"The lecture was tough today... Why couldn't they go a bit easier on the material?"

"Because ALL the readings are mandatory... Even though I don't agree with some of them."

"What's worse is the quiz came out of nowhere. I wasn't ready!"

"Okay, you got me there... Still. I don't think I did too badly. I should get 70%."

"I did worse for sure... Why are we doing theory when we should be actually doing stuff?!"

"That's why you need to study, Kyoka-chan... To appease them. Also, theory tells us how shots work and such. They signify the meaning behind certain parts."

"Yeah... But still. I don't get some of it."

"Mmh."

It was the usual banter between us. Nothing meaningful and substantial but there was some semblance behind our words. We would just talk about the hell that our lectures caused us while walking through the bustling halls of our university.

"Still... Just one more day until Saturday comes. You're with me for our final lecture tomorrow, Yuto?"

"Haah... Don't remind me. I just wanna crash and play games all weekend."

"Oh? I thought you had to do one of those "magic spells" that you always do."

"What are you talking about? I don't do magic."

"You say that but you're famous at the university!"

"What??? Oh for that? It's not that big of a deal. If anything, I'm getting bored of it."

"Ehh??? For real? That sucks. Especially since I was your first customer! Seeing your work was always fun! Even Serena thinks so!"

I couldn't help but sigh at Kyoka's statement. The statement stung but it was true. It must be confusing to understand without context. It seemed rather harmless at first glance.

What she was referring to is my ability to help people hook up with one another. To take the first step in being a couple. It may sound weird and awkward...

Even explaining it sounds weird but I got put into that role. One that helps people get together. Kind of like a matchmaker but I play a more active role. I have an unhealthy tendency to put myself down to make others look better. Whether it'd be mixers, parties, or over time while being in a group of friends temporarily, I get asked to be used as a stepping stone. I've gotten so good at it that I even got a reputation for it.

Kyoka was the first person I ever did this on. It was unintentional but I had somehow managed to get Kyoka with one Wakatsuki Serena. A relatively shy yet diligent girl who usually keeps to herself while reading books.

"...Right..."

"You could even try it out on yourself to see if it works! After all, don't you have someone you like?"

"Not really..."

"Ah... Sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up. You don't deserve that!"

"It's no big deal... You didn't mean to."

Kyoka looks down because of it. Seeing that makes me sad. My own personal issues were affecting one of my friends. Great.

"L-Look. Don't worry. I'm not out of the count just yet. I just haven't been paying much attention to stuff like that."

"I suppose so. But hey! Don't be afraid to ask if you ever need relationship advice, got it?!"

"Yeah yeah. I got it. Now go. Serena is probably waiting for you."

"Ah! That's right! I gotta go!!! Seeya, Yuto! I know you got this!"

"Sure. I have faith in it."

I lied.

How I managed to get the shy Serena to be bold enough to ask Kyoka out, is still a mystery. I didn't have a clue. I don't know how to make myself look better. It just sounds arrogant coming from yourself. At least with others, you could be saying it to sound nice.

Well, it didn't really matter. I didn't care enough about my own love life to even consider it. It's not like I don't believe in love. I think it's a good thing. It sounds romantic when finding the perfect one to spend the rest of your life with. I'm just a little raw after a bad experience.

"Excuse me?"

A voice calls out to me that stops my train of thought. I turn around to see a girl around my age, probably the same year as me. However, I didn't recognize her so she was probably majoring in a different course.

"Yes? Is there something that you wanted from me?"

"Ah yes! My name is Miyamoto Rei! I would like your help."

"Is that so? Well then. Follow me. We'll discuss the details in a better location. Just to let you know, I charge for the drink alongside the service."

"W-What?! You charge money?"

"Yep! 5 million yen. Add in the drinks which is another 500 yen."

"I-I can't afford that! What am I going to do?"

"Oh dear..."

What the heck have I got myself into? It couldn't be as bad as it sounds, so I took her up on it and the two of us made it to a local cafe to discuss the important subject matter. The two of us took a seat across from each other after ordering our drinks.

"So then... Let me introduce myself, though you probably know. Call me, Yuto. You don't have to use honorifics or whatever."

"Really? Even though you're my senior and everything?"

"It's fine, I don't really care much about customs. Let's leave that for the formal places where people actually care about that sort of thing."

"Alright, then. Please call me Rei... I wanted your help regarding getting together with an upper-classman."

"Oh? Is that so? I won't lie. That's a bold request. How'd you find out about this, to begin with?"

"W-Well, you had helped out a close friend of mine, Minami-chan."

"Uh... I think I remember. She's a second-year student focusing on Biology?"

"Yeah, that's right. It was a few months ago but they've been happy ever since. It makes me envious."

"Really? I heard some good tidbits from now and then but I didn't realize."

I still kept in touch with some of the people from that friend group.

"Yeah. When I asked her, she told me about you and what you did."

"I didn't do that great of a job... Still. Didn't you find it odd about me doing this sort of thing? Must be weird."

"I thought it was suspicious, but I learned that other people have gotten together because of you from the university I decided after a bit of thinking."

"You must really love this guy, huh? Perhaps that's the next thing we should talk about. Got to know a bit about this guy."

"Well... His name is Kanzaki Tomoyo, a second year in Osaka's engineering major. He has been my childhood friend ever since Kindergarten. We grew up together."

"Ah. So pure, blossoming romance? Been holding these ever since you were young I presume?"

Rei nods slowly to my question, causing me to think a bit more.

"Yeah, ever since Middle School."

"Well, that strikes the first step, already. That's a start."

"Already?! Just like that?!"

"Yep. The first step, having you get to know the guy. That's a problem that you see in TV shows, manga, anime, light novels, and stuff that goes into the real world. Getting to know the person. Both parties need to know the other on some level. And with a date, they get better acquainted in a secluded setting. So if you know him well, that saves a massive portion of time!"

"How much time are we talking about, here?"

"Depends on the person. For guys to ask girls, I'd say a couple of weeks to a few months. Girls are more cautious about that sort of thing because men usually have ulterior motives. Fortunately, guys take less time. There's a good chance that they will accept your request if you're cute enough. But the chances increase if you two know each other. The preexisting bond makes the connection stronger."

"Wow... It really works like that."

"Well, I'm not entirely sure about that."

"What???"

"Well, that's just a guess based on results. But it doesn't guarantee that it's right. After all, people are different from each other and this stuff should be taken into consideration. Because the guy may know you, but he just might not see you that way."

"We can't do anything about that to make him consider me an option?"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. We don't even know if that's the case. He might and we don't know yet. I can't just force people to change their emotions or who they are to meet your needs. That'd be pretty crappy."

"O-Of course not! I wouldn't do something like that!"

"Good! We got ourselves a starting point. Now then, think I could get your contact information?"

"Sure! That's no problem!"

Rei hands me her Line which I graciously accept. I wrote a few notes to make sure to remember things, there were for certain a few things that I will need to do.

"Well then. I'll be counting on you, Rei."

"Huh?"

She had a confused look on her face. To be expected.

"Well, you're my in for meeting this guy. If I'm going to help, I'll need your assistance. So let's not think of ourselves as a worker and client relationships but rather as friends helping each other out. How does that sound?"

"S-Sure! Of course! It'll be great to be working with you, Yuto! I hope that we'll get along together!"

Rei paid for her drink and rushed off to her next lecture which would leave me by myself. It gave me time to think to myself while I relaxed a little.

"Hey! Kenji-kun! What are you doing for summer break?!"

"Eh??? I don't know. Maybe playing games."

"Senpai! Let's go shopping!"

"Now?!"

"Sorry, Akane. Kenji-kun has already made plans with his senpai, hasn't he?"

"Agawa-senpai! You're a bit too close!"

"Moh! Kenji-kun is so mean!"

"Kenji."

"Eh? What's wrong Yuuka-chan?"

"Thank you for staying up all night. You really pushed me like never before..."

"HUH?!"

"Kenji, Kenji-kun, Senpai..."

"Wait wait wait! It's not like what it looks like."

Oh no. OH NO. OH NONONONO!

I was doing so well. Why did those guys have to spoil it? Why are they doing this in public where other people can hear them? Especially, me of all people!

Sorry, I'm being overdramatic. None of these people are bad. I'm just annoyed. Let me explain.

Being a person who helps people get together is an interesting topic. Sure, it may create some fascinating situations but nothing really special. But the story of Yamamoto Kenji was that of the typical trashy romantic comedy harem. There's the main culprit and four girls going after him.

Izayoi Yumi, a third year in the School of Foreign Studies is the childhood friend of the story. She's been best friends with Kenji growing up ever since kindergarten. Diligent in her studies, kind to those around her, soft-spoken, and rarely ever yells. She does well in a wide range of activities which only boasted her overwhelming popularity.

Nakamura Hana, a second year in the School of Health and Sport Science is like when you mix a hyperactive teenager with sugar-infused coffee and energy drinks. Loud, bold, beats to her own drum, and likes to have fun first and foremost. The fact she does well in all sports adds to her merit, even beating a few male players. I say all that but she's an endearing little gremlin. Can be annoying but she means well.

Agawa Nanami, a senior in the Faculty of Medicine is considered an angel by many of her local fans. The rumor says that her smile is so bright that one look could burn vampires. She's very handsy when helping people out despite being a massive klutz. Despite this, she is a big sister who likes to tease and protect those she cares about and help in any way possible.

Suzumiya Mayumi, a junior in the School of Engineering Science is well known for being rather eccentric by her fellow peers. She doesn't talk much and keeps a rather cold expression everywhere that she goes. Rarely does she show any emotions but can be really expressive through text messaging. Once you get used to that demeanor, she's really fun to be around.

Again, none of them are actually bad. I don't have any bad relationships with any of them. If anything, I hope that they consider me their friend since I do the same to them. I just find it all tiresome to have to see this four-way competition to fight for Kenji's attention. I never thought fiction would be able to be demonstrated in reality... However, I was wrong about the power of the dense harem protagonist.

But I suppose that it doesn't matter too much. I'll continue to work to help them from the shadows while helping those who come to ask for my help. Despite all the nuisances and inconveniences that other people have, I will see it through to completion. That is my resolve as both a man and the motivation that this is for the sake of other people's happiness.

[whiskerswritesss]

Sophomoe life ✨🌷

Weeks ago, my sophomore life started. I'm already a sophomore college girl who was again facing the uncertainty of college life. Though, it was not hard for me to adjust, unlike my freshmen year, because I have the same set of blockmates, and it was good! viewing the fact that I'm already comfortable and familiar with those faces, and of course, I have my best college besties with me—keeping me sane in the unsane aspect of college.

In the first week of our sophomore life, we had an orientation with regards to our courses, and we met some of our professors, and they are all cool! because some of them are licensed psychologists, psychometricians, and chemists! and as you listen to them, you can sense that they are well knowledgeable about their field. Because of that, we as students can absolutely gain valuable knowledge from them with regards to our field. As well as, they have the ability to inspires us to be one of them. Moreover, during our orientation, one of our professors was a psychologist, and I don't know, I just felt the pressure in her class. Because she may have these big expectations to her students. However, due to unforeseen circumstances, we had to change our professor in that certain course. Though that exchange professor was also a psychologist, you could sense in her class that it was lighter and under less pressure than our first professor in that course. Well, it's a blessing in disguise for ours. Less pressure, less haggard, lol.

Additionally, during our second week, we had a pre-view of our lessons and did a reading check (pre-board preparation quiz) on a certain course. I just had 4 hours of sleep because I pulled out an all-nighter review for those 10 items, though it turned out well. And because the result is good, I treat myself to good food. (Wow, rhyme). And last Thursday, we just had one class, and our class was supposed to start at 5:00 pm, but it moved to 6:00 pm and moved to 7:00 pm. Huhu, we waited for almost an hour. We come to our university around 4:00 p.m. due to heavy traffic here in Metro Manila. So, while waiting for our professor to start that course, we just did numerous tiktok dances, took selfies, and ate at McDonald's. 'coz how will you gain knowledge if your stomach is screaming for food? Lol.

And on our third week, we are already offloaded with pending readings, reports, and quizzes, and I guess, matagal na naman akong mawawala sa blog ko, but I will try to update once in a while about the happenings in my life.

Oo nga pala, before my ink runs out, I will just leave you with a solicited reminder, I guess???

~ Surround yourself with those people who are academically inclined; what I mean by that is 'mga masisipag mag aral'. Because if you surround yourself with those people, you will eventually learn to keep up with them without thinking of competition. You will just help each other survive the uncertainty of college. As college is hard as FVCK—you will burst out in tears, lose your sanity, and be like a walking zombie. Therefore, surround yourself with better people; however, be wise in choosing those 'better people'.

You will survive college, no matter what happens. We will rock those uncertainties and what-ifs of college life.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Prompt number two: Great Sects have a very long history and it means that sometimes, there is that one family member that saw some demon or naga and was like I'm Gonna Tap That. And years later there is a genetic hiccup and a non human baby is born. WWX generation is just the biggest hiccup that happened, where at least half of a heirs is clearly not totally human. Press F for Wen sect and their plans for a war.

“Why do you think Teacher Lan called for all of us to meet him here after hours, but none of the others?” Nie Huaisang asked, playing with his fan.

“Pop quiz,” Jiang Cheng said, and Nie Huaisang dropped his fan with a clattering sound. “Just kidding.”

“You monster. Don’t scare me like that!”

“What type of pop quiz would involve only the heirs of the Great Sects, plus me?” Wei Wuxian asked. “Hey, Lan Zhan, do you know?”

Lan Wangji stiffly shook his head.

“Extra lessons?” Jiang Cheng wondered. “Maybe more of something we were studying in class?”

“We were studying types of yao or divine and demonic beasts,” Jin Zixuan objected. “What type of information about that would be restricted to the Great Sects? Not to mention…”

His eyes slide over to Wei Wuxian pointedly.

“What? Are you implying something?” Wei Wuxian asked, stepping forward. “Listen –”

Lan Qiren cleared his throat pointedly.

“Thank you for coming,” he said, settling down and gesturing for them to sit. “The subject of tonight’s lesson is heritage.”

They all wilted. That was no one’s favorite subject.

“Specifically, your own,” he continued, folding his hands together. “In today’s lesson on yao, what was the differentiating feature between advanced level yao and lower tier creatures? Jin Zixuan?”

“Uh,” Jin Zixuan said, clearly not seeing the connection. None of them could see the connection, in fact. “They can – take on human guise, making it difficult to identify them?”

“Correct,” Lan Qiren said. “Not only is there a difficulty in identification, there can also be unfortunate sequelae resulting, after an appropriate interval, from an close encounter with an unidentified member of the type.”

They all stared at him blankly.

Bizarrely enough, Nie Huaisang was the first to get it. “Wait,” he said. “Teacher Lan, are you saying someone fucked a yao?”

“No,” Wei Wuxian said, abruptly getting it as well. “He’s saying one of our ancestors fucked a yao.”

“That’s not what he’s saying!” Jiang Cheng exclaimed. “…right?”

They all turned to look at Lan Qiren, who sighed.

“Wei-gongzi is correct,” he said. “I have been deputized by your guardians to inform you of this.”

They were all silently gaping.

“…what type?” Lan Wangji finally asked.

Wei Wuxian sniggered and elbowed him. “What, you want to get in on that?”

Lan Wangji glared at him.

“All different sorts, I’m afraid,” Lan Qiren said briskly. “We will all travel to a secondary house deeper in the mountains and remain there for a month, as I have arranged a special course of studies for each of you to help master any side effects that may arise from your particular bloodline.”

“Why are we going to a different location?” Jin Zixuan asked, sounding wary.

“To protect your privacy. These lessons will cause some of you to awaken your inheritance, which in many instances have physical side effects.”

“Can I grow a tail?” Wei Wuxian asked, interested. “I’d like a nice big fluffy tail –”

Wei Wuxian did not get a tail.

He got plumage.

“I’m a bird?!” Wei Wuxian howled.

“Birdbrain,” Jiang Cheng coughed into his hand. Jin Zixuan, of all people, smothered a giggle – Nie Huaisang didn’t even bother to try to hide his own laughter.

Lan Wangji just stared. His ears were very red – but not quite as red as Wei Wuxian’s feathers.

“It is said that Baoshan Sanren is a Zhuque, a Vermillion Bird,” Lan Qiren said. He did not appear notably surprised. “Her students, it is said, adopt the traits of the phoenix.”

“Why don’t I get wings, then!? Why just feathers?”

“You get the ability to resurrect,” Lan Qiren said. “That is far more valuable. Next!”

Lan Wangji stepped forward unhesitatingly.

A few moments later –

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian burst out. “You’re so fluffy!”

Lan Wangji’s long white-and-black striped tail twitched, and the curved ears on his head laid back flat against his head. He looked in silent question at his uncle.

“Your brother is also a baihu,” Lan Qiren confirmed, meeting Lan Wangji’s glance with his own. They stared quietly at each other for a long moment, communicating silently; in the end, Lan Wangji bowed deeply and returned back to the group.

Wei Wuxian immediately turned and started chattering with him, reaching out with eager hands to try to touch Lan Wangji’s tail and getting a glare in return – although the tail waving in the air did not seem so repulsed.

“Could I ask what side my bloodline came from?” Jin Zixuan asked when it was his turn. “In advance?”

“Your blood is a mixture of your paternal and maternal lines,” Lan Qiren said. “Each has some elements of the same type; it was what drove your parents to marry.”

Jin Zixuan nodded thoughtfully, and proceeded.

“Why does he get wings?! And a tail!” Wei Wuxian shouted. “Unfair! Unfair!”

“Personally, I like the whiskers more,” Nie Huaisang giggled. “What is he, Teacher Qiren? That nose looks almost like a lion…”

“A pixiu!” Jiang Cheng exclaimed. “The winged lion that can smell treasure!”

“Ah,” Jin Zixuan said. “I understand.”

No one else commented. It did explain a lot about his parents’ marriage, though.

Lan Qiren nodded solemnly. “Return to the group. Next!”

Nie Huaisang looked at Jiang Cheng, who shrugged and strode forward. “Am I also a bird?” he asked, not quite able to conceal the anxious glance at Wei Wuxian.

“You are not,” Lan Qiren said, and changed him while he was still exhaling.

“Dragon!” Nie Huaisang yelled, clapping his hands. “Dragon, dragon! Nice scales, Jiang-xiong! The blue suits your purple clothing perfectly!”

“…is Mistress Jiang like this as well?” Jin Zixuan asked, looking stunned.

“The lesser azure dragon is a Jiang sect inheritance, yes, although there’s a possibility of something else given her mother’s inheritance,” Lan Qiren said meaningfully, and - right. Violet Spider. “Nie Huaisang, stop dithering; it’s your turn.”

“I’m not dithering,” Nie Huaisang complained, shuffling forward. “It’s just going to be embarrassing, that’s all – my brother might be something, but what is someone like me going to be?”

The answer, it turned out, was – a fox.

A nine-tailed fox.

“What,” Nie Huaisang said.

“Doesn’t that make him more powerful than any of us?” Jiang Cheng wondered.

“What,” Nie Huaisang said.

“Trickier, too,” Wei Wuxian reminded him. “Maybe he’s concealing it? No, that seems wrong…”

“What?!”

“Congratulations, Nie-er-gongzi,” Lan Wangji said.

Nie Huaisang turned to stare at Lan Qiren. “There is no way that my da-ge is a fox,” he said flatly. “Absolutely no way.”

Lan Qiren coughed into his sleeve. “You are correct. This inheritance is through your mother’s side.”

“That seems unfair,” Wei Wuxian said with a frown. “All of us have some inheritance, but Chifeng-zun doesn’t?”

“I didn’t say that,” Lan Qiren said. “He has his own inheritance through his mother’s side, which is equally…unique.”

Nie Huaisang crossed his arms. “Which one’s the stronger bloodline?” he demanded.

“His,” Lan Qiren said, and Nie Huaisang relaxed all at once.

“All right, that’s okay then,” he said cheerfully. “Does this have anything to do with why I’m a terrible cultivator?”

“No,” Lan Qiren said. “You’re just lazy and unwilling to apply yourself.”

“…ouch.”

“Spoiled, as well.”

“Ouch.”

“Not to mention –”

“Thank you for your instruction, Teacher Lan,” Nie Huaisang said, hastily saluting and fleeing back to the others, all of whom were laughing at him – even Lan Wangji seemed amused.

“Don’t thank me yet,” Lan Qiren said. “Your lessons have only just begun.”

[pokemoncreepypasta]

HM Slave

[STORY SOURCE]

The Generation I games. Definitely not perfect games by any means, but they were fun to play.

It's a shame my old cartridge’s battery has been long since dead. Makes sense, it was a hand-me-down from an older sibling of mine. Between both of our times playing it, it was bound to die sometime.

I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to play it again after so many years...

The trouble was, I had no intention of learning how to replace the battery, or buying a new cartridge. None of that appealed to me.

So, I just took it upon myself to play it without saving. Any time I wanted to stop, I’d just plug it into my charger, and leave it be.

Everything about this run was just for nostalgia. It was nothing personal to me, so I didn't name Red after myself or something.

I wanted to play through this game without getting attached to anything.

The best way to go through without caring? A starter-only run. I chose Charmander, since it was the cover ‘mon, and also my favorite of the three. Not necessarily because it would make the game easier in the long run.

Of course, there’s no way I’d be able to get through with just Charmander.

My plan was to catch a Pokémon specifically to use as an HM slave, so my Charizard wouldn’t be clogged up by useless moves in the long run.

And what better HM slave than the one who can learn them all, right?

In Generation I, you can’t delete moves in any way, so an HM slave was absolutely necessary.

Not like I hated Mew or anything... I just never performed the Mew glitch as a kid and thought that this would be a fun opportunity to try it.

The darned thing did everything within its power to not get caught, blowing through every single one of my PokéBalls that I’d prepared to catch it with. Hey, it wasn’t like I was going to need them later, so I didn’t complain.

I decided to nickname the little thing. I’d heard the term “HM mule” thrown around in place of HM slave, so I thought it would be funny.

Of course, picking the Fire type had its rocky start, with its disadvantage against the first two gym leaders.

I managed to scrape by with scummy tactics, though.

I’d switched to my Abra that I’d caught to perform the Mew glitch, and let Misty knock it out.

After that, I switched to Mewl for the free turn, and then healed my Charmeleon. Then, after Mewl fainted, I got a free switch into Charmeleon.

When the battle was over, I could proudly claim the Cascade Badge.

This was Mewl’s secondary purpose, to be switch fodder for me to heal my starter.

Things were going fine until Mewl learned Cut.

The first instance where Mewl’s “skills” would come into play.

This was a game where you couldn’t use HMs from the overworld, so I went to the menu to manually select it.

“MEWL ignored orders...”

Now, imagine my surprise when my slave wouldn’t listen to orders. I tried a few more times, with the same result.

I attempted to rationalize it, picking my brain for a reason. I assumed that you could not use HM moves while a Pokémon was fainted, but something about that didn’t seem right.

I healed at the Pokémon Center to be safe though.

That seemed to work, so I assumed that I was right and continued to Surge.

Nothing really unusual happened during the fight, but Mewl was knocked out again for a free heal.

On my way out, I had to cut down the tree blocking Surge’s gym again. I was worried for a moment that I had gotten myself stuck, but Mewl cut it down just fine.

I figured the game would let me use HM moves if I would be trapped otherwise.

I went back to the center to heal up my starter, and my stubborn little mule.

(And Abra too, I guess.)

I caught and released a few throwaway Pokémon to obtain Flash, which I immediately taught to Mewl.

I made my way to Rock Tunnel.

”MEWL won’t obey!”

I was frustratingly met with this. It was fully healed, I couldn't understand why it was disobeying. I wondered if it was some sort of consequence from having an illegitimate Mew...

I kept trying and trying, but no matter what, it wouldn’t light the cave.

I was sure this little bugger didn’t want to wander around in the dark just as much as me, so I really couldn’t figure out what was wrong.

I tried checking its summary, to which its blank, neutral expression had changed to something more... defiant?

I didn't know what kind of sick joke Morimoto was pulling on me by programming Mew to be this way, but I wasn’t having any of it.

It dawned on me that Abra could also learn Flash, so I just let Mewl be prissy and lit up the cave with Abra.

I somewhat regretted my choice to teach Mewl Flash. If I had known it was going to act like this, I would have just taught it Fly instead…

I decided to go ahead and skip getting Fly, since Charizard couldn't learn it anyway.

Thankfully, I made it out of Rock Tunnel just fine.

Charizard made Erika’s gym a total joke, so I didn’t even need Mewl as fodder for this fight.

The whole game was going fine so far up to Fuchsia City, and I had completely forgotten about Mewl’s disobedience by now.

I had obtained its final two moves, so I booted the HMs up and slapped them onto it.

Of course, to use Surf and progress, I had to face off against Koga.

Things were going well up until Charizard couldn’t deal with Koga’s last Pokémon.

I sent in Mewl to heal my Charizard.

”Enemy WEEZING used SLUDGE!”

“MEWL ENDURED the hit!”

Strangely, when Weezing attacked Mewl, it didn’t get knocked out in one hit like it was meant to. Instead, it stayed in the field.

While I wanted to question it at the time, I just used a Hyper Potion on my Charizard to get it back to full.

”Enemy WEEZING used SMOG!” 

“MEWL ENDURED the hit!”

 Sure enough, I wasn’t dreaming. Mewl was somehow surviving all of Koga’s attacks. Normally that would be pretty cool, except for the fact that Mewl was level 7 and therefore effectively worthless in this fight.

I had to wait for it to faint to switch to Charizard, but Mewl kept surviving every hit that was thrown at it.

”Enemy WEEZING used TOXIC!”

“MEWL”s hurt by poison!”

“MEWL fainted!”

Thankfully, it eventually became poisoned and went down, so I could send in Charizard to finish the job.

I made quick work of Koga and his Weezing after that and made my way out of the Gym.

But weirdly, as I was leaving, I couldn’t help but notice the screen flashing as if a Pokémon in my party was still poisoned.

I checked my party again to see what was up.

It seemed like Mew had a custom sprite for being knocked out that I never noticed before. I didn't even know if that was a thing.

But it was definitely knocked out, for sure, so I brushed it off as some sort of bug.

I figured if anything would fix the poison glitch, it’d be healing at the Pokémon Center.

”If you drive your POKéMON too hard, they’ll dislike you.”  

”Please take better care of your POKéMON.” 

 I was confused at this text. Was this dialogue hidden for players like me who let their Pokémon faint over and over? Whatever it is, I have never seen it before.

”We hope to see you again!” 

The nurse went back to her chipper disposition afterwards though, so I figured I should just be on my merry way as well.

I checked up on Mewl to see how it was doing now.

It seemed like the nurse just haphazardly patched it up. Mewl’s expression still looked tense, but I hoped that didn’t mean it wouldn’t use its new HM moves.

I made a quick note to take down Giovanni at Silph Co. and Sabrina. My Charizard was actually getting a bit over-leveled, so I swept through without needing to use Mewl to heal during battles at all.

I decided that on my way to Blaine, I would fall back on my training a bit.

I back-tracked over to Fuchsia City since it was faster than going all the way back to Pallet Town.

I made my way down by the Fuchsia coast and hoped quietly that Mewl would let me Surf to Cinnabar.

Thankfully it seemed like the 1’4 cat was perfectly fine with me riding on its back, with no defiance at all. I felt confident, like I was finally getting enough gym badges to make it obey.

I'd even gotten it to listen when I needed it to use Strength in the Seafoam Islands. Things were really looking up.

I’d finally hit land and was ready to storm the Cinnabar Mansion and claim Blaine’s badge.

I was feeling pretty confident with my Charizard’s HP and level that I wanted to take on the Gym without healing at the Pokémon Center.

I had plenty of Potions and Revives in case of emergency, anyway.

All of the quiz questions were normal, except... This bizarre one. 

“You treat all your POKéMON fairly?”

Though it had been several years since I played this game, something felt off about it, like it wasn’t supposed to be there.

I half-heartedly answered yes, despite knowing it was untrue. My logic was, at the very least, that even though I as a player didn’t care about these Pokémon, maybe Red did.

”Sorry! Bad call!”

The buzzer went off and I was harassed by a trainer. I was appalled... Was the game really criticizing me as a player?

Had I hit some sort of secret flag after making Mewl faint so much? I couldn't understand what was happening.

I didn’t give myself much time to think about it though, so I healed up my Charizard with some Potions and took on Blaine.

Charizard had fainted again, so I left it up to Mewl.

I healed up my Charizard and expected Mewl to hang on like before, but it just went down with no resistance.

With my seventh gym badge in hand, I was pretty happy with my run so far. A couple more hours in and I’d be done, I thought.

I was ready to Surf north towards Pallet Town and claim my eighth and final badge.

“MEWL ignored orders!”

But I received a friendly reminder.

I had forgotten that Mewl didn’t like using HMs without being healed. I really didn’t feel like taking it to the Pokémon Center though, so I just carelessly threw a Revive at it.

Hoping that the Revive would be good enough to satisfy it and let me ride on it again, I mashed through text a few times to see if I could brute-force it to listen.

”MEWL won’t obey!”

”MEWL turned away!”

It kept bombarding me with the same defiant messages over and over, until...

“MEWL hates you.”

I was caught off-guard. This text didn’t have the same energy as the others, lacking an exclamation point. It sounded like flat, cold, genuine hatred.

I pressed A again, and attempted to order another Surf. Not necessarily because I wanted it to Surf now, but more out of a morbid fascination with such intense text.

“MEWL used instead, FLASH!”

Suddenly, like in a battle, the screen lit up totally white.

I was booted out of the party screen afterwards, and immediately noticed a distinct lack of an items menu. Had Mewl taken it from me?

Closing out of the menu, I spoke to the Pokémon now standing next to me, knowing exactly who it was supposed to be.

”Mew!”

Mew’s cry played. I already knew it.

“MEWL hacked away with CUT!”

I flinched, horrified at the thought of Mewl directly attacking my trainer.

”HM01 was destroyed!”

But then I realized, it wasn't that...

”HM03 was destroyed!” 

 Instead, Mewl had stolen my items...

”HM04 was destroyed!” 

 … And was proceeding to destroy each of my HMs, one by one.

”HM05 was destroyed!” 

 After destroying HM05, Mewl’s sprite disappeared; presumably back into its PokéBall.

I was exasperated, but quick on my wits.

I still had Fuchsia City's Pokémon Center as my last saved location, meaning I could use Abra to Teleport back to the mainland.

I was smug, thinking I'd found a loophole around Mewl's attempts to sabotage me.

”ABRA used TELEPORT!”

“ABRA ran away!”

I panicked, to say the least. I frantically scrolled around my party page. How could Abra have disappeared like that? I wasn't going to accept Mewl being my only ride back to Pallet, it was impossible.

I desperately went to the PC inside the Pokémon Center, in some vain hope that maybe Abra had just been sent there somehow.

”MEWL used STRENGTH.”

“The PC was destroyed!”

I couldn't believe it.

Mewl had gone full rogue.

I suddenly had to come to grips with the horrifying realization...

I was trapped in Cinnabar with no way off.

I went through what I can only describe as the five stages of grief.

Stage 1 - Denial

I scoured the internet for any other Pokémon in Cinnabar Mansion that I could use to escape the island.

I quickly remembered that Mewl had already destroyed my HMs and stolen my items, and realized I couldn’t catch anything.

But I did have one more plan.

If I could knock out Charizard and Mewl, I could be sent back to Fuchsia. It would take a bit of work for Charizard to eventually faint, but I was prepared to try anything.

”CHARIZARD ran away!”

But I couldn’t be prepared for my Charizard running away.

I was so shocked that I didn’t even want to send in Mewl, I just said no and fled the battle.

I fell into absolute despair. Mewl had not only ruined my chance of getting off the island, but now, even if I did, what would I do without the only Pokémon I’d been raising?

Stage 2 - Anger

I’d never thought malicious thoughts about this Mew before, just casual indifference and sometimes mild frustration. But I can’t say that I didn’t want some payback towards this Mew for wasting several perfectly good hours of my life.

I sadistically thought about how I would make it faint, and then how I would torture it over, and over, making it repeatedly faint until maybe it would measure up to Charizard’s strength.

“MEWL ENDURED the hit!” 

I couldn't stop myself from shouting "NO."

Despite Mewl’s apparent injuries, it hung on with one HP.

Again, and again, no matter what I did. No matter what Pokémon I faced.

It seemed like nothing could poison it, burn it, kill it.

Then, it dawned on me…

Maybe this was what Mewl wanted all along?

Stage 3 - Bargaining

Mewl’s stubbornness and special ability that made it unable to faint...

It took Mewl a long time to faint its first real opponent, due to its low level, but in the end, it grew.

I checked Mewl’s summary for some sort of sign, anything at all, that this was what I was supposed to be doing. It stared at me with its vacant, unreadable expression...

Perhaps it was shocked I had battled with it? Whatever the case, it wasn’t staring at me with hostility anymore...

So it was silently agreed between us, then. Mewl and I, we did our first ever grinding session.

It took a few hours, but Mewl’s level was growing steadily. Things seemed to be going well, until...

We ran into our first wild Ditto.

I thought it was strange, having not found a Ditto for all this time I'd spent in Cinnabar Mansion, but I didn’t see any trouble with fighting it, so I just let the battle progress.

Stage 4 - Depression

The Ditto transformed into Mewl, who appeared to have a sad expression on its face.

I quickly pulled out of the battle screen and into my party to see if something had changed with Mewl.

I checked to see Mewl, who had that same sad expression as the Ditto. Its status had changed from "OK" to a worrying "...".

I knew something was wrong, so I fled from that battle and every battle afterwards.

Though I had avoided it before on hopes of somehow escaping to Fuchsia City, I gave it all up to heal Mewl, who had risked life and limb to impress me.

After it was healed, I checked its summary again.

Though it had fully healed, it still had that depressed look in its eyes. I couldn’t understand want it wanted. I didn’t know what it needed.

But I realized that it was getting pretty late, and I wanted to get to sleep soon. I would have to leave the game on, and leave Mewl behind.

That was when it hit me.

Could it be possible that Mewl knew I hadn’t saved? Did Mewl somehow understand that no matter if I saved or didn’t save, it would disappear when I turned the game off?

I hadn’t really thought about it until now, but Mewl was more special than any other Pokémon I’d ever played with.

And if I turned the game off, it would disappear forever.

I didn’t know how to feel about that.

I went out of the Pokémon Center to reflect about this with Mewl.

I still wanted to finish the adventure with it, if it would let me.

Stage 5 - Acceptance

“MEWL doesn’t want to go.”

That was okay, I thought.

I realized that even if I went with Mewl to the Pokémon League, and won, then the game would return to the title screen and not save my progress.

Maybe Mewl understood that, too.

So then we were at an impasse, together on Cinnabar Island.

I didn’t know what to do. Even if this Mew was special, even if I genuinely believed it was real, I couldn’t just keep my GameBoy on forever. What would anyone else think?

I decided that for the first time in this entire run, I wanted to save my game. I didn't want to turn it off just yet, but at least save, as some sort of precautionary measure.

I hoped, that in the event the GameBoy turned off for whatever reason, a miracle would occur.

”Would you like to SAVE your MEW?”

It seemed that the game knew exactly what my heart wanted, and I selected yes.

Then, all of a sudden, my game turned off. Not due to low battery or anything, but it just turned off.

I panicked for a moment, and quickly switched the game back on.

It was gone. The save file was gone.

Or, rather, it was never there to begin with.

[thoughts-on-bangtan]

“Let’s BTS” asks about “I like you the most” and Jin’s reaction

by Admin 2

First of all, I want to wish you all, far away in the world of Vmin and BTS, a healthy and peaceful Easter, if you celebrate it, and a nice weekend for those who don’t! Since Admin 1 is quite busy right now and currently also participating in Camp NaNoWriMo, I (Admin 2) will take over our blog for a little while though Admin 1 will still be lurking and checking comments etc. I want to emphasize right away (you will probably notice it anyway) that I have no literary talent compared to Admin 1. I'll try to worthily “replace” Admin 1 for the time being and talk to you about Vmin and more.

Unlike Admin 1, I am not so careful with shipping discussions (and I even like them) as long as everything is done respectfully and we’re all sticking to the truth about the BTS members. I don't like criticizing other shippers because I understand that other fans may love their favorite members and ships just as much as we love Vmin or Namjin, but sometimes it’s inevitable that I have to say something.

So, I invite you to a discussion. I am open to discussion.

We got two interesting questions about “Let’s BTS” and specifically Jin’s reaction to vmin and I want to discuss them.

From anon: Hi, just wanted to see what you made of Jin’s reaction to Tae’s message to Jimin on the Let’s BTS show. I’ve seen some people say he looks so done and even annoyed with it. I can understand him looking apprehensive at first because Tae is a bit of a loose canon, but everyone’s reaction after is to laugh and smile and shout but Jin is very stoic. I’m kinda new and wondering whether he isn’t a fan of Vmin’s brand of declaring their love on national TV. Although when I think of how he behaves with Joon - I’d struggle to wonder why he doesn’t like it. Any thoughts?

From anon: Hi, I cannot believe what I’m reading about Tae on some platforms. What is wrong with people? Anyways I wanted to ask you what you thought of Jin’s reaction to Tae’s message for Jimin? I’ve started seeing people saying that Jin hates the fact they’re close that’s why his reaction was weird. I’m a vmin shipper but Jin is my bias and I can’t get my head around the fact that Jin doesn’t love them both dearly. He did look “apprehensive” perhaps but I’d say with Tae being Tae; that isn’t surprising.

In order to answer these two questions and to form my opinion on the matter, I’ve looked at the situation with regard to Jin and other members several times.

I admit that I’m surprised myself that Taehyung went this far. Actually, it's not even about the content of his words, but about the whole circumstance and the atmosphere that he created around his "confession". I don't know who added the music, whether it was a Taehyung hint or simply something the editors and PD thought of, but the whole situation and phrase gained even more "meaning" and "seriousness" through it.

I seemed as though the background music was supposed to make the moment remind everyone almost of a scene from a K-Drama (or one of vmin’s playful roleplays), but it only added to the effect of this being a serious, sincere and weighty moment instead.

Taehyung joked around by turning the table and pretending the envelope was not intended for Jimin, but this just led to an increase in the tension displayed by the members and the moment itself, and yet still Jimin was immediately convinced that he was the one for whom the envelope would be. Everyone was acting (which makes it sound like they were faking it which isn’t what I mean) like they were curious, but you could clearly see everyone's tension and nervousness, especially when looking at Jimin. Taehyung added that the contents of the card within the envelope were for Jimin's eyes only, emphasizing the seriousness and intimacy of what he was about to say. As a result, Jimin’s reaction led to uncertainty, nervousness, and at the same time an awareness of the sincerity and seriousness of Taehyung's words.

The words "I like you the most" are (on a superficial surface level) nothing big when compared to "I love you", but they still had the biggest reaction. Jimin wrote "I love you" to Suga and absolutely no one reacted nervously, everyone joined in on the declaration, and the situation was relaxed and even funny. Why did Taehyung’s words cause such reactions then? Why?

My thought is this: When the envelope was revealed to be for Jimin, it was met with tension by both members and Jimin. We all know that Taehyung can be a bit of a loose cannon sometimes, even on national television, when it comes to Jimin.

Jungkook immediately commented that "it’s about friendship", Suga laughed nervously and loudly, as if he wanted to end the situation quickly, and Jin had a serious face that didn’t seem all too positive or eager about what would happen next.I'm not going to go into Jimin's reaction here, but rather Jin’s, since that’s what the anons were wondering about.

In my opinion, Jin doesn't like situations that slip into seemingly too private matters. He is definitely the kind of person who gives up the least private information. The situation with Vmin clearly didn't suit him. And not because Jin doesn't like Vmin (because that’s simply not true), but because he knew this program would be broadcast nationally and streamed worldwide, that it would be debated, that every word would be analyzed, and most importantly, because the team that recorded the show wasn’t their own but one that belonged to KBS. Jin doesn't want anyone to have access to BTS's private life, after all he even asked the You Quiz editors to cut what he saw as too sad/depressing about his answers so clearly he thinks about and considers many such things. I think Taehyung didn't care all that much, but Jin did care.

Perhaps I will go too far in my analysis and imagination here, but let's not forget that in the near future Jin is going to have to leave for his military enlistment in the highly conservative Korean army, which holds very homophobic views. Any shadow cast on any of the BTS members (even if some of them are already suspected to be queer) can endanger Jin or make it even more difficult for him to perform his service well and safely. The suspicion that two of the members might be in a relationship with each other would make Jin an accomplice, since they belong to the same group and would lead to him also being suspected of being queer, guilty by associating basically. This is my opinion at least.

Jin is the oldest and feels responsible for BTS, much the way Namjoon does as leader, for everyone including Taehyung, because Jin is aware of the wave of hatred that will be/is poured onto Taehyung across sns after such a public statement. According to Jin, in my humble opinion, this is neither the time nor the place to take such a step in such serious manner. As long as everything was done in form of jokes and witty answers, Jin was joining in and having fun, but when it was Tae's turn his face became serious, as if to warn Taehyung. Jin knew that "Taehyung's atmosphere" could/would fluster Jimin and the entire team, and could become the subject of rumors spread by the staff that isn’t their own.

So no, Jin’s reaction wasn’t because he hates vmin or anything like that, because that’s not true on any level, but because Taehyung’s words about liking Jimin the most were perhaps too sincere for the setting they were in, raising too many brows, and that’s potentially why he reacted the way he did. After all, if you watch the 5th Muster concerts, and especially the one in Seoul, when vmin stand at the very end together, Jin approaches them and throws water at them as though to pull them out of their bubble and back into reality. All in good fun and because he simply cares a lot about them.

Also, an alternative and even more simple answer could be that Jin’s face has no relation to anything I just said and doesn’t tell us anything about what he thought about Taehyung’s words. After all in some interviews he also just sits there quietly and watches/listens to the other members and that doesn’t mean anything at all, or at least nothing negative. But since you asked for my thoughts, here they are, though they don’t have to be right.

I actually have no idea what the reactions are to this show in Korea and among the general public, but I've seen the reactions to Tae’s words across various sns, which one of the anons also mentioned so I’d like to talk about those for a moment as well.

My hair stood on end when I read some of the responses/posts about Taehyung. I never thought that people who call themselves ARMY or fans of BTS would have such opinions about any of the members. A wave of hatred literally flooded Taehyung, like Admin 1 previously mentioned in their answer to an ask.

I just wanted to cry. It shocked me how far shipping can go (literally playing with actual, living people with no regard to their own words and thoughts) that it can cause such extreme emotions in "fans". It's hard to say which is more negative and alarming for some, Taehyung potentially really having (romantic and reciprocated) feelings for Jimin, Taehyung's feelings not being for the “right” person, or the mere fact that Taehyung's feelings are for a person of the same gender.

It’s also interesting to see how deceptive some are. I don’t even mean that “Taehyung and Jimin like each other most” is ignored, which it is, but rather that those mutual feelings were manipulated to twist them into a completely different direction and to another person, or turned into mere jokes or sarcasm. As if all of this simply never happened.

On the other hand, the fact that Jungkook unbuttoned his shirt before going on stage for “My Time”, as opposed to him not doing so during rehearsals, has become very important and an example of J*k*ok being in a relationship, how that’s now even clearer than ever before and is an indisputable fact, according to shippers. Apparently, J*k*ok were flirting with each other throughout the entire segment and show and only had eyes for each other. Somehow Jungkook imitating Jimin is the final piece of evidence to prove everything shippers ever claimed and thus, according to them, everyone must now see that they love each other romantically.

I've carefully watched this show three times, this particular segment and everything else too, and frankly I haven't seen anything that could be called anything even close to flirting when it comes to the two main ML ships. I'm mature and I think I know what flirting is and I can “read” the simplest human behavior, but I really couldn’t see any of it. In my opinion, Jungkook imitating Jimin is clear and open and not a secret. I fully understand Jungkook, I would also follow Jimin in his place :-) Jimin's dancing and looks, as well as his professional work ethic, are truly breathtaking, inspiring and worth imitating. However, this has absolutely nothing to do with romantic affection or a romantic relationship between them, in my opinion.

Hence, I fail to understand these behaviors which in turn lead to a wave of hatred against Taehyung and the, repeated, disregard, belittlement and erasure of Jimin’s and Taehyung’s friendship and relationship bond, and even some going as far as pretending anything vmin was simply not there at all just to make their ship seem more real, booo.

[lingthusiasm]

Transcript Lingthusiasm Episode 60: That’s the kind of episode it’s - clitics

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 60: That’s the kind of episode it’s - clitics. It’s been lightly edited for readability. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 60 show notes page.

[Music]

Gretchen: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Gretchen McCulloch.

Lauren: I’m Lauren Gawne. Today we’re getting enthusiastic about space between words and affixes, also known as clitics. But first, we have an announcement. We’re doing a special drive to encourage people to become patrons of Lingthusiasm this month.

Gretchen: If you’ve been meaning to become a patron and just never quite gotten around to it, now is a great chance to join. We’re gonna be sending out packs of four Lingthusiasm stickers to everyone who’s a patron at the Ling-phabet tier on November 3, 2021.

Lauren: This is going to be a Lingthusiasm logo sticker, two different versions of our “Schwa, Never Stressed” stickers in different colours, and a bookplate sticker for Because Internet, which Gretchen is going to sign for you.

Gretchen: Yes, I am. Make me sign a lot of stickers. You can stick these stickers on your laptop, your water bottle, anywhere else you wanna have an excuse to bring up how cool linguistics is in polite company.

Lauren: If you’re already a patron at a lower level, first of all, thank you! And second, this is a great reason to upgrade as there are some cool things available, especially if you stick around in this tier, including your name and favourite IPA character on our Supporter Wall of Fame.

Gretchen: If you don’t already have a favourite IPA character, you can take our extremely scientific “Which IPA Character are You” quiz and find out.

Lauren: We hand choose all the IPA characters for our supporters on the Wall of Fame.

Gretchen: From the results of this highly scientific quiz.

Lauren: Plus, you also get a “Lingthusiast” sticker after three months of this tier that Patreon sends you.

Gretchen: That’s so many stickers. That’s five stickers. Two different things in the mail.

Lauren: If you’re already supporting us at this level or a higher level, you also get the sticker pack, and we’ll be sending you a message to remind you to make sure your address is up-to-date so we know where to send those stickers. Finally, all patrons at all levels, we appreciate you so much. As we say every episode, it’s our patrons who keep the show ad-free and who also get access to monthly bonus episodes, including our most recent, Number 54, an interview with Emily Gref of Planet Word. You also have access to our Discord to chat with other Lingthusiasm and linguistics fans.

Gretchen: We had a really fun time talking with Emily from Planet Word. Hopefully, we’ll get to check out that museum at some point. So, go listen to that.

[Music]

Gretchen: Okay, Lauren, I have a sentence for you and a task, if you’re okay with that.

Lauren: Yep. Sounds very exciting.

Gretchen: I’m gonna give you a sentence, and then in this sentence, I want you to identify the words and the affixes. That’s prefixes and suffixes.

Lauren: I’m gonna grab two different coloured pens. I’m very excited.

Gretchen: This is one of those Grade 8 English class underlining things.

Lauren: This is why I love linguistics puzzles. You get to crack out the coloured pens.

Gretchen: Exactly. The sentence is, “Later today, I’ll know if I hafta get some prizes for Helen of Troy’s competition, or if it isn’t necessary.”

Lauren: Before I even begin to pull this wonderful sentence apart, can we just revel in the fact that so many sentences that get said have never been said in the history of humanity before.

Gretchen: I’m pretty sure that this one has not been said in the history of humanity before.

Lauren: I like this sub-story of The Iliad that I’ve never heard before. I’ll go with it. I have an advantage that I am looking at this sentence on a piece of paper. I’m pulling out lots of words. “Prizes” is a word. But I can pull “prizes” apart because I can have “prize” and then the plural S. “Prize” gets one colour, and the S gets another colour. We’ve also got “competition.” I know “com-” is a prefix, and “-tition” is a suffix that can change the word.

Gretchen: So maybe like “compete” and “-tition” or something like that?

Lauren: Yeah. We have a whole episode on morphemes and how they build up into words. We’ll link to that in the show notes. I feel pretty comfortable with the things that are words, and I feel pretty comfortable pulling out things that are affixes. But, Gretchen, I only have two colours of pen, and I’ve got some words that I’m a bit stuck on.

Gretchen: Okay.

Lauren: “Hafta,” as you have pronounced it and as it’s written – H-A-F-T-A.

Gretchen: As I very carefully said “hafta,” which is not my usual reading vocabulary, but there we are.

Lauren: Casually carefully you pronounced it. I know that that is an informal pronunciation of “have to” – “I have to get” – but it’s one of those things that everyone does. It’s so common. I want to kind of treat “hafta” like a single word. I’m a bit stuck on that one.

Gretchen: But you’re not sure if you’re gonna but you just sort of wanna just to put a few more in there.

Lauren: Yes. I’m gonna put “hafta” with a bit of a question mark. I’m gonna add “I’ll” to that category because, again, that “-ll” at the end of “I’ll” – I know and you know that that’s a conjoined form there. It’s normally “will” as a full thing, but it can just as easily be “I’ll.” I feel like “-ll” is kind of an affix, but it’s more word-y than an affix.

Gretchen: Yeah. Because for something like “prizes,” you don’t know where the /z/ is coming from. There’s not some other word that you know where it’s from.

Lauren: Exactly. Then, “Helen of Troy’s” is an interesting phrase because it’s got that /s/ on the end, but unlike the /s/ in “prizes,” it’s relating to the whole of “Helen of Troy’s.” It’s not just relating to Troy there. Again, question mark on that one. And the “-n’t” in “isn’t” is a bit like the “-ll” in “I’ll.”

Gretchen: We’ve got three tricky things at the boundaries which I have to confess that I carefully constructed this sentence to make it a tricky situation because we wanna talk today about what’s going on with things that are kind of word-like but also kind of affix-like and are in that tricky boundary in between the two. We’ve got a few examples like, “I’ll, “hafta,” “Helen of Troy’s,” and “isn’t.”

Lauren: We not only have talked about morphemes in an episode, we’ve talked about words. We’ve talked about whether something is a word or not in a way that was really focused on meaning. For these, a lot of it is not so much about meaning but about the shape of the affix or the shape of the word that it would’ve been as a full word. It’s revisiting that topic but from a different perspective.

Gretchen: I think the thing that’s satisfying to me is that these nebulously defined word and affix-y-like things have a name for them which is not as well-known as “word” or “affix,” these well-known things, but they’re called “clitics.” When we were preparing for this episode, we were looking up, “Okay, what is the formal definition for ‘clitic’ anyway? Surely someone’s written this. We can just read it out.” The answer is that linguists disagree.

Lauren: Indeed.

Gretchen: Linguists disagree a lot about exactly what a clitic is precisely because it occupies that interesting space between, you know, here are these things that you can very clearly say them all by themselves in isolation like “I” and “will” and “is” and “not,” and then here are these things that you very clearly have to put them on a word. They’re incoherent without a word. And then some stuff that floats around the sentence that you’re like, “Okay, maybe this is a full word. Maybe it’s attached to something else.” It’s a little bit unclear what the status is. Different clitics can behave in different ways, and they can all be lumped together as here’s this big category of stuff that we don’t know what to do with. Or you can be someone who’s really a splitter and saying, “Okay, no, these ones, I think they are more like actual affixes, and these ones, I think they are more word-y, and these are the true clitics that are the smaller set in the middle.” It really depends on if you wanna be a lumper or a splitter there.

Lauren: In order to decide what is and isn’t a clitic, you have rules and principles that are specific to the language that you’re talking about. When it comes to drilling into the specifics of English and how the grammar of English works, you can’t get much more drilling down and specificity in a single book than the Cambridge Grammar of the English Language. It’s time for another episode of Gretchen’s adventures in CGEL.

Gretchen: I have a massive copy of the Cambridge Grammar of the English Language. It’s over a thousand pages. It has made an appearance in some previous Lingthusiasm episodes because it’s got these very, very detailed descriptions of various aspects of what’s going on in English.

Lauren: When it comes to a phenomenon like clitics where there’s a lot of slightly different things happening between different examples, something that has a lot of detail is exactly what we need.

Gretchen: Right. One of the things that CGEL talks about with respect to clitics is that there’s a grade in English between the ones that have very a restricted set of places where they can be found and ones that have a bit less restriction in terms of where they can be found. Even within clitics there are immediately, as soon as you get there, subcategories. One of those is – so clitic forms of “am,” “are,” “have,” and “will,” attach only to a subject pronoun rather than to a full noun. You can have “I’m,” “we’re,” “they’ve,” “he’ll.” CGEL says that if you have a compound subject with a noun and a pronoun in it – like a longer thing but it still has a pronoun – you don’t generally get something like, “Joe and you are in for a shock” – “Joe and you’re in for a shock.” I don’t think I’d say that.

Lauren: You actually struggled to say it. You didn’t even get it right the first time.

Gretchen: I read it on the page, and I was like, “No, I can totally say that.” Then I’m reading it out loud, and I’m like, “No, I can’t actually say, ‘Joe and you’re in for a shock.” Maybe I can say, “Both of you’ve been pretty inconsiderate.”

Lauren: [Laughs] “Both of you’ve been pretty inconsiderate.” It definitely sounds like you’re squishing two different sentences together that don’t belong together.

Gretchen: What do you think about “The Smiths will be there, and so’ll I.”

Lauren: Oh, that one actually is less bad.

Gretchen: I don’t mind that as much. You can use something like, “Pat’ll do it.” You could put it on just a noun by itself, but if you have the compound subject –

Lauren: It gets a little bit less pleasant to my intuitions.

Gretchen: “Joe and you’re in for a shock” just really doesn’t work for me, actually.

Lauren: Which is impressive that it’s getting stronger as it’s not working for you because, normally, once you’ve been exposed to these things for a while, you’re like, “Maybe? I don’t know anymore.”

Gretchen: You can put it on something like, “You could’ve been hurt,” the “-ve” works there. The one that I find more fun – and this one is less restricted. Clitic forms of “is” and “has” – you can put them in a lot of places. You have something like, “Jean’s here,” and “Jean’s taken it,” which actually sounds the same as “jeans” like the pants.

Lauren: That is true.

Gretchen: That really works. You can also put it on longer phrases which don’t work as well for “are” or “have.” You can say something like, “Which dog’s been on the sofa?” Sounds fine to me. “That they’re wet’s obvious enough.”

Lauren: “I’m gonna have to put them in the drier because that they’re wet’s obvious enough.”

Gretchen: “What do you think’s gonna happen?” Totally fine for me.

Lauren: Absolutely.

Gretchen: “Ed, I think, is going, and so’s Sue.”

Lauren: Great. Looking forward to seeing them there.

Gretchen: “Why’s this happening?” “What the heck’s she’s doing?” All of these – totally fine. You’re like, “Yeah, I can put ‘is’ and ‘has’ anywhere. It’s fine.” And then they point out that there are some bad examples.

Lauren: Okay. Please break my brain.

Gretchen: What do you think about “What salad’s that man over there eating?”

Lauren: “What salad’s that man over there eating?” That works for me.

Gretchen: This one is with a percent sign. Some people have it and some people don’t. I find it not quite as good as the others, but I think I’m okay with it. “Don’t use more force than’s absolutely necessary.”

Lauren: “Don’t use more force than’s absolutely necessary.”

Gretchen: I don’t think you like that one.

Lauren: No, that’s weird.

Gretchen: That’s also a percent sign one. Some people might like it. Some people might not.

Lauren: Yeah, I should say it’s weird for me.

Gretchen: I think maybe I can get it but maybe not. Maybe my impressions are just broken from reading this book. Here’s one they don’t think people are gonna be able to get and that’s, “Never’s it going to be easier.”

Lauren: “Never’s it going to be easier.” It definitely is a bit trip-y up-y.

Gretchen: What do you think about, “She often’s right about things.” [Pause] [Gretchen laughs]

Lauren: Is that one a percent?

Gretchen: No. That one is star. That one is nobody.

Lauren: Okay, I am relieved.

Gretchen: “Never’s” is also nobody, but “She often’s right about things” and “Never’s it gonna be easier.” Yet, “She often is right about things,” that would be fine.

Lauren: Fine.

Gretchen: This brings us to a post that went viral from Tumblr a while back. This was somebody – just-shower-thoughts – observing that “Contractions function almost identically to the full two-word phrase, but are only appropriate in some places in a sentence. It’s one of the weird quirks of this language we’ve.”

Lauren: It’s because “have” there is being used as an auxiliary instead of the full form of having and ownership.

Gretchen: Maybe. What do you think about a further comment on it? “Some people say the English language is confusing. To which I say…It’s.”

Lauren: That one definitely feels like it’s missing another word at least.

Gretchen: I’m very delighted that I added a comment to it myself, four years ago, and that that has gotten picked up in the form that keeps getting screen capped and passed around which was, “That’s the kind of linguist I’m.”

Lauren: That absolutely does not work. Congratulations on making more than one sentence that has broken my brain this episode.

Gretchen: It actually took me quite a long time to come up with that sentence, so I’m really pleased.

Lauren: I do see that circulating occasionally. It’s very satisfying.

Gretchen: Yeah, every so often I see it, and I’m like, “Oh, that was me.” I think it also speaks to a really interesting point about clitics in general because sometimes one of the things that comes up when you’re talking about reduced forms of words or smooshing words together, people will start saying like, “Oh, these are lazy,” or “These are low effort. Why are people doing this low effort thing? Shouldn’t everyone just be talking in full words with lots of pauses in between them like a robot?”

Lauren: I absolutely refer to your example as having casual features of English. That’s a slightly less judge-y way of saying the same thing.

Gretchen: Right. But the thing that’s really interesting is there are these kinds of constraints. Nobody who is saying “I’m” and “I’ll” and “I’ve” and all of these things that everyone says is doing it in this weird position at the end of the sentence.

Lauren: If it was just about laziness and efficiency, you’d expect it to be able to be used everywhere.

Gretchen: Right! You’d expect it to just be like, “Okay, yeah, we’ve just gonna do this low effort thing,” but it’s actually more effort, at least to some subconscious level, to be keeping track of like, “Okay, yeah, you can do this reduction thing in some places but not in other places.” Imagine trying to explain that to a new speaker of like, “Oh, yeah, well, no, we have this abbreviation form, but actually it’s never put here.” Like, “Wait, why? This is an extra thing to pay attention to.” There’s a lot of interesting subtle things going on in terms of where we use them.

Lauren: I hadn’t even thought about the restrictions that clitic forms in English have until you showed me places they shouldn’t be.

Gretchen: I hadn’t thought of them either. This is why you go consult a grammar because they’ve gone through all this effort to make all these beautiful, ungrammatical sentences for you. Reading CGEL about clitics also reminded me of this other thing that’s below the level of fully conscious speech in English which is that there’s a certain set of words that have stronger and weaker forms – shorter and longer forms – at a sound level.

Lauren: Because one of the features of a clitic is that it is reduced in terms of its sound compared to a full word.

Gretchen: Exactly. You don’t get a clitic that’s four syllables long because at the point when it’s becoming a clitic, it’s already, like, maybe doesn’t even have a vowel in it.

Lauren: When “will” attaches to something else a clitic to make “-ll.” You never wanna say it can’t happen because then there’ll be one example from someone somewhere, but it would be supremely unusual for something to be a clitic and then become a lot longer.

Gretchen: I think it would be weird because the words that tend to become clitics are already words that have become grammatical words and that are really high frequency. Those tend to be short as well. I mean, never say never. Maybe there’s some language that does it. But I think it would be uncommon. This gets us into this question of what are words that are potentially good targets to become clitics. These are often words that are already getting smaller phonologically. In CGEL they talk about weak versus strong forms of certain words.

Lauren: I don’t think I’ve had someone put this like this before. What would an example of that look like?

Gretchen: Their example is “I think Pat has seen it” and “I haven’t seen it, but Pat has.”

Lauren: I don’t even know what I’m listening for there.

Gretchen: You’re listening for the word “has.” “I think Pat /əz/ seen it.” “I haven’t seen it, but Pat /hæz/.”

Lauren: That’s the difference between /həz/ and /hæz/.

Gretchen: And even shorter because the “Pat has seen it” is often just /əz/.

Lauren: Ah, yeah.

Gretchen: There’s an H written there, but “Pat /əz/” – you probably don’t even say it. Then “has” has that H, and it has a full vowel, not this tiny schwa, and then they both have the /z/ there. There’s actually quite a difference in terms of how they’re pronounced. There’s about 50 words that CGEL lists that have one or more weak forms as well as a strong form. It’s gonna actually be weird to read this list because I’m gonna have to read these words in strong form because you would say them in strong form in isolation because isolation is one of the environments where you use the strong form of a word.

Lauren: Okay.

Gretchen: This is words like “a” –

Lauren: As in, like, “a car”?

Gretchen: Yeah, “a car.” “Am.”

Lauren: “I’m.”

Gretchen: “I’m.” “And.”

Lauren: /ənd/

Gretchen: Yeah. Or just /ən/.

Lauren: To the point where English speakers do the little /ən/ between words.

Gretchen: “Fish ‘n chips.” I’m not gonna read the whole list. You can see that there’s sort of, like, “a” and “am” and “and” are all different types of things. One of them is a verb. One of them is a conjunction. One of them is an article – a determiner. There’s a bunch of different categories. You have some prepositions like “for” which could be “for” but also –

Lauren: /fə/.

Gretchen: /fɹ̩/. You have stuff like “of,” “my,” “must,” “me,” “who,” “you,” which can become /jə/. These are all small words. All of them are a single syllable. If they begin with H, the H often gets kicked off.

Lauren: The thing I really like about “a” or “an” on that list, like “a prize,” is that this is part of an ongoing journey for that word. Because that word started off as “an,” which was essentially the word “one.” Then “one” went off in one direction with all of its articulation still, and then “an” became “a” and is now just /ə/. It’s why you get things like /əloʊn/.

Gretchen: Exactly. Or “only” because it was /oʊn/. The fun thing is, is “a” can be reduced to just /ə/, but /əv/ can also be reduced is just /ə/. “To” can also be reduced to just /ə/. You have gonna /gənə/, lotta /latə/ – “a lot of things” – /gənə/, /goʊ/. All of them can get reduced because they all occur in such different environments that it’s never ambiguous which one is which. What’s interesting is that if a word becomes a clitic – it’s because a lot of the English words started out as a weak form of a word and then subsequently became a clitic.

Lauren: The thing that makes me so happy about this is when we started this episode, I thought we were gonna look at what was between an affix and a word and that that was gonna be clitics. Now, I find out there’s a thing between clitics and words and that everything is on these processes. There are multiple steps that you can watch happen.

Gretchen: The thing that’s interesting about the steps is they interact. Something can become a clitic if it’s already in the weak form. It can become even weaker and become a clitic and really hang onto or lean onto the word next to it. But the reason why you can’t say something like, “That’s the kind of linguist I’m,” is because you can’t even use the weak form of “am” at the end of a word like that.

Lauren: How satisfying.

Gretchen: This was our “I haven’t seen it, but Pat has.” You also can’t say, “I haven’t seen it, but Pat’s.”

Lauren: No. Because I don’t even know what that /s/ is there.

Gretchen: Yeah. But “I think Pat’s seen it” – fine. “I haven’t seen it, but Pat’s.” This context forces you to use the strong form of a word, which means it’s not even a possible target for becoming a clitic, which is one of those subconscious things that you’re like “I didn’t even know I knew this.”

Lauren: I do feel like a lot of not ever noticing this phenomenon of weak forms is because we are so dependent on English writing for the way we conceptualise words even when we hear them. If you’re a very literate English speaker, your perception of the written form can play tricks on your brain in terms of the pronounced form.

Gretchen: I said, “I think Pat /əz/ seen it” to you several times, and you were like, “Yeah, the H is still there,” and I’m like, “I’m not saying an H.” Because the writing is like, “Hey, look, there’s an H.” It’s just not there.

Lauren: Absolutely hallucinated that H there.

Gretchen: The fun thing is, is not every language does this. When I was studying Dutch for a bit, one of the things that was fascinating to learn was that they actually do have different spellings for strong and weak forms of their pronouns.

Lauren: So good.

Gretchen: For example, the Dutch word for “me,” which is – you’ll be able to see the cognates with English – can be written M-I-J, which is pronounced /me/, or it can be written M-E, which is pronounced /mə/. This is probably true of English as well. There’s an emphasis given to “me” and then like, “Yeah, he gave it to me, and then whatever.” There’s probably a /mə/ form in English as well, but they’re both written the same way. You do sometimes see this for pronouns, especially for third person pronouns. Like, “Give it to ‘im,” “Give it to ‘er,” “Give it to ‘em.’” You sometimes see those written with an apostrophe instead of the H, but it’s not something you get a table of like, “Make sure you learn these weak forms,” in the same way as Dutch.

Lauren: No, I absolutely have not.

Gretchen: There is a fun story with, actually, this “‘em,” if you say something like, “Go get ‘em.” What does that E-M stand for?

Lauren: “Them.” Because it’s third person plural.

Gretchen: Well, you’d think because that’s what our modern third person plural is. But in what other context do we drop a /ð/ sound?

Lauren: It’s true. It’s not one of those easy-to-loose sounds.

Gretchen: Right. We have a strong and a weak form of “the.” You have /ðʌ/ or /ði/. Then you have /ðə/. But when you’re reducing it, you’re reducing the vowel. You’re not taking it down to /i/.

Lauren: True.

Gretchen: The “‘em” is actually a form of “hem,” which was the object third person plural pronoun in Middle English.

Lauren: Oh, how satisfying.

Gretchen: Right. Before we had “he,” “she,” “it,” “they,” we had /he/, /heo/, /hɪt/, and /hie/. These sound extremely similar to each other. There was differentiation that happened. We acquired the form “she.” Then we also acquired the “they” and the “them” instead of /hie/ and /hem/ from Norse.

Lauren: But kept our habit of using the old weak form.

Gretchen: But kept the old weak form the same with that dropped H. It’s just sort of crept along. It’s crept along in such an oral way. Because you’re not getting that from writing. You’re getting it from other people speaking in a chain.

Lauren: This is true. Although, I do find it even more satisfying now that the Pokémon trainer Ash has the surname Ketchum “Catch ‘em.” Bits of his name are in Old English.

Gretchen: There’s some Old English stuff that’s just getting re-spelled by modern speakers to refer to something.

Lauren: How delightful.

Gretchen: This is actually something that I think is a really interesting area for development in English because we have this unstressed form in the “they” paradigm, which it’s a relative newcomer in English even though it’s centuries old. But other neo-pronouns in English like “xe/xem,” you’ve got to think like, okay, they’re gonna need unstressed forms as well. They’re gonna need weak forms like /zə//zəm/ as well so that they can be used in all of the same contexts. Maybe people are already, probably, doing this subconsciously.

Lauren: Sounds like a fascinating research paper. I think I should point out even single, tiny digression we’ve been on and every single example CGEL gives has been agonised over and thought about. The space that it fits in between words and affixes has been pondered over long and hard. As we said, it is very dependent on the specific features of the language that you’re working with to decide if something is an affix or a clitic. I thought I’d give an example from the languages that I work with when I had to decide, writing the grammar of Yolmo, if I was gonna treat some things as affixes or some things as clitics.

Gretchen: Please tell me how you made that decision.

Lauren: Because the criteria are language-specific, like English, I was looking at things that weren’t quite as attached to individual words as affixes. There are affixes in Yolmo. There’s one if you want to say that you’re counting a number of people, you put an affix on the numeral that indicates specifically that that numeral is related to two people or five people. That can only ever go on a numeral. Then you have these affixes like the plural. You might have “the dogs,” or you might have “the dog of my friends.” Even though in English that sounds like a possessive, that’s where you could put the plural in these languages.

Gretchen: Oh, so “the dog of my friends” is actually, like, several dogs belonging to my friend?

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: Which is sort of like “Helen of Troy’s party” or something like that. That S is actually possessed by “Helen” not possessed by “Troy.”

Lauren: Yeah. It’s a bit more free-floating than the affix that has to go on a number. So, you go, “Well, maybe it’s a word,” but it can’t be a word either because words have tone in Yolmo and many Tibetan languages. These plural markers don’t have tone. You go, “Well, it’s not an affix because it’s more free floating. And it’s not a word, so it doesn’t have tone. It’s a clitic!”

Gretchen: Yay! We have this third category.

Lauren: Thank goodness I have more than two coloured pens because for this part of this grammar using the term “clitic” became incredibly helpful.

Gretchen: That’s such a good example of how the diagnostic criteria is really language specific because you’re like, “Okay, well, it doesn’t have tone, so it can’t be a word.” I assume that there’s an entire chain of logic for why all words have tone. But in English, this is like, okay, this is not the diagnostic criteria you’re gonna use.

Lauren: Absolutely. Some of the criteria in English around weak forms or reduced pronunciation doesn’t work in these languages. Coming at it from a language-specific perspective is really helpful.

Gretchen: Sometimes, also, coming at it from a language-specific perspective will be influenced by the history of the writing system for that language and how the language was written down because, you know, if people are used to writing something as the full form, even though the speech sometimes for quite a long time has been reducing it more and more, there’ll still be this tendency sometimes to be like, okay, we’re gonna write out the full form. That’s why it feels so recoverable. Or we’re going to – okay, yeah, but no one actually says it that way, but there’s still all this written stuff that can influence what people are thinking about.

Lauren: I sometimes wonder if English “a” and “the” would be more likely to be treated as clitics if they were physically attached to the words they were in front of.

Gretchen: Yeah, if they were written there with a little apostrophe or something. When I was looking at this, I was surprised to find that some people think that “n’t,” (like “isn’t,” “can’t,”) isn’t actually a clitic in English. It’s just an affix – it’s on the whole word. Because I was like, “But this is so clearly related to ‘not’” – but also it affects the vowels of the thing it’s attached to. You have stuff like “won’t,” which isn’t really transparently “willn’t.” Maybe these are some reasons to say, “Actually, this is an affix now. It just happens to resemble the negative thing.”

Lauren: I do wonder if English cycles of things becoming attached and becoming more like an affix have been arrested a little bit because of that tradition of writing.

Gretchen: There’s this really fun one that I’ve noticed in English that really trips up people who speak languages with fewer vowels than English. This is the “can/can’t” distinction. In English, in unstressed words, if you have a T or D after an N, it often gets deleted. This is why you see “fish ‘n chips” with that N there. It happens all over the place. It happens constantly – place names, people say Toronto (toronno) /təɹɑnoʊ/ without the second T because it’s something you say a lot. This is super common in English – super normal. It happens in all of these negative words. Like, “don’t” becomes /dən/, which is fine because it’s not contrasting with another /dən/.

Lauren: But if you remove the /t/ in “can’t,” you get “can,” which is confusing.

Gretchen: Which is the positive form. But no, it’s not actually confusing in practice for speakers of English who have all of the vowels that English is used to, because there’s also a reduced form of “can,” which is /kən/. Most English speakers most of the time actually make the distinction between /kən/ and /kæn/ where /kən/ is positive and /kæn/ is negative. It’s just got a full vowel.

Lauren: It’s absolutely one of those things that I will have to go find examples in my own speech before I believe that I do this, but I am open to being shown.

Gretchen: I have witnessed this in conversations where you have one native English speaker and one second language English speaker. The native English speaker will be like, “No, no, no, I /kæn/ do it.” And the non-native English speaker will be like, “You’re saying you can, but it seems from the context like you can’t.” They’ll be hyper-articulating the /kæn/ with even more emphasis on the vowel and still not putting the T in that would actually let you figure out what was going on because the T is just so far gone. There’s a fun example in the musical Hamilton where there’s a line about the young Alexander Hamilton who’s poor and has no money and is working at his first job. The line is “Trading sugarcane and rum and all the things he /kæn/ afford.” The way that the performer gives the real stress on /kæn/, like, it’s not even a reduced form anymore because he’s putting this real stress on it, but there’s no T. It’s extremely clear from context that he can’t afford them. It’s very distinctly articulated. There is no T there anywhere.

Lauren: But as long as we have this writing system, people are gonna hallucinate that T.

Gretchen: If we were sensible, we could just spell them with different vowel symbols and actually just do the thing that we think we’re doing, but we’re not gonna do that.

Lauren: I feel pretty safe to say.

Gretchen: Another place where you see this real, real effect of orthography is in French. I came across, a number of years ago, a Reddit post that, alas, I cannot find anymore where somebody had posted, “Hey, guys, I have this new conlang. It’s got subject prefixes. It’s got object prefixes. You could put negation as a prefix. You can do all this stuff as a thing.” It was like, “Here’s this conlang that’s got these very long words that have all these different prefixes and so on stacked on them. What do you think of my new conlang?” If you read it out loud, it was actually French written phonetically.

Lauren: [Laughs] What a sneaky joke.

Gretchen: It’s really interesting. I know it was a joke, and I think that there are still arguments why French is not a massively agglutinative language with all these subject prefixes and so on. But ever since that joke post, I have never been entirely certain anymore.

Lauren: Again, you need something that’s the equivalent of CGEL for French to do the hard work of picking it apart.

Gretchen: Not just CGEL for French, but it would have to be CGEL for spoken French. Because written French comes from this tradition where it’s not, but modern day spoken French is quite divergent from written French. There’s even more of an aspect in learning how to read where you learn a bunch of stuff that used to be true, and then you have to unlearn that to talk to people. A really interesting example is there’re a lot of languages where you change the form of the verb, and then you can tell what the subject is. This is still true in a bunch of other Romance languages. Spanish and Italian, you change the verb, and you can tell if it’s me or if it’s you. In French, you do change this in the writing, but what you actually do is you have to have the pronoun. So, if you have something like, “Je prends les crêpes. Tu prends l'omelette,” which is what you might say at a restaurant – “I’ll take the crepes. You can have the omelette.”

Lauren: Thanks for ordering for me. I hate making choices. [Laughter]

Gretchen: You have the “je” and the “tu” that’s telling the different there. But these are, in French, clitic pronouns. They’re definitely at least clitics because you really have to put them, and you have to put them leaning on the verb. You can’t say them in isolation.

Lauren: That’s a really good diagnostic criterion.

Gretchen: You could, in English, say, “Who ordered the crepes?” You could say, “Me.” You could say, “It is I,” if you wanna sound kind of formal. Both of these are sort of okay. In French, you cannot say, “je.” Like, “Who ordered the crepes?” “Je.” No. No, no, no, no, no, no. You need to use this whole other form of the pronoun, which is the only one that can happen by itself, which is “moi.” Then, if you wanna be emphatic about it, you can say, “Moi je prends les crêpes,” which is often translated sort of like, “Me, I’ll have the crepes.” But it actually shows up in the same context as in a language like Spanish or Italian where you would actually just put in the normal subject pronoun because you don’t normally need it because the verb at the end tells you.

Lauren: Amazing.

Gretchen: I really kind of wanna make the case that this is actually – it’s not even a clitic anymore. It’s actually fully glommed onto the verb. But, you know, the Académie Française is gonna completely disagree with me.

Lauren: It is a good demonstration that something – and a lot of the examples we’ve discussed in this episode start as words and then, in English, we’ve seen those weak forms of words, allow them to become clitics. With the literal etymology of “enclitic” in Latin being “to lean” – so begin to lean on words. They’re not fully attached. They’re just leaning on them. Which I get a very cosy visual image with that etymology. Then, once they’ve been leaning on words for long enough, they become dependent and really attach to them as affixes. This process of going from being an independent word, especially in these functional categories, through to being a fully-attached part of the grammar is something that happens repeatedly within a single language across time and across all of our spoken and signed human languages – this process of grammaticalising through from being words to affixes and occasionally stopping off as clitics in between.

Gretchen: Sometimes a clitic is this pathway. If you think of “n’t” in English where it’s like, okay, maybe that’s a clitic, but maybe there’s actually good reasons to say that it’s part of the whole word by now. Sometimes, something can stay clitic-y, like maybe that apostrophe S in English. There’s all sorts of stuff along the way. I mean, you could also see, in Romance languages, it’s so well-established and has long been talked about historically that the pronouns are clitics that maybe some of them are actually not becoming clitics. Like in French or in Spanish, you can do both the pronoun and the full noun in some contexts, like “Le di un regalo a mi madre,” which is literally like, “To her, I gave a gift to my mother.” In English, you can’t do this.

Lauren: Really doubling down there.

Gretchen: You’re doing both. In Spanish you can. You can make the argument that maybe this is the beginning of just marking the object on the verb, which lots of languages do. Then they do have you put the full noun as well. This is a pathway to making it more grammatical than the same thing in English where they’re competing for the same position.

Lauren: It just happens so frequently in this direction and, incredibly rarely, in the other direction that something will break free from a word. We’ve talked about “ish” as a – something’s grammatical-ish. It can break away and become its own thing, ish, now. But the reason we keep bringing up that one example is because it’s so unusual and that the tide just flows in the other direction overwhelmingly.

Gretchen: The normal thing is for stuff to get smaller and shorter, especially when it’s said a lot, and then gradually start merging with the words around it. It’s such an interesting experience to me thinking of yourself in the middle of a language’s history rather than at some sort of end point, like everything that was going on was building up to this, and to say, no, the stuff that we do now that’s slang-y or casual or seems like it’s just reduced effort is gonna be like, oh, yeah, no, here’s this really grammatical thing that happens in another dozen generations.

[Music]

Lauren: For more Lingthusiasm and links to all the things mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to us on Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, SoundCloud, YouTube, or wherever else you get your podcasts. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. You can get kiki bouba scarves, “What the fricative” t-shirts, and other Lingthusiasm merch at lingthusiasm.com/merch. I tweet and blog as Superlinguo.

Gretchen: I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com, and my book about internet language is called Because Internet. 

Have you listened to all the Lingthusiasm episodes, and you wish there were more? You can get access to 54 bonus Episodes to listen to right now at patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links from our website. Patrons also get access to our Discord chatroom to talk with other linguistics fans and other rewards, as well as helping keep the show ad-free. Recent bonus topics include backchannelling, speaking under the influence, and an interview with Emily Gref from Planet Word. Remember, you can get a special pack of four Lingthusiasm stickers by becoming a Ling-phabet patron before November 3rd, 2021. Can’t afford to pledge? That’s okay, too. We also really appreciate it if you can recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their life.

Lauren: Lingthusiasm is produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne. Our Senior Producer is Claire Gawne, our Editorial Producer is Sarah Dopierala, our Managing Producer is Liz McCullough, and our music is “Ancient City” by The Triangles.

Gretchen: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.

[vantaenims]

paper bandits | jimin

pairing: jimin x reader

genre: high school au | fluff, humor, angst

word count: 12.9k

warning/s: stealing and lots of ogling Jimin moments lmao.

summary:  It’s pretty irresponsible for a student librarian to abandon her tasks in exchange for hiding behind a bookshelf at the back of the library, doing something impermissible with the class president you’re starting to crush really hard but oh well.

masterlist

all rights reserved © vantaenims - do not repost, translate, or claim as your own.

--

The flag ceremony has been taking too long for your liking since the principal of the school managed to squeeze in her infamous ‘short speech’ that’s not even short to begin with as it has already been fifteen minutes when the speech started and she’s probably unaware that she has already taken ten minutes of everyone’s homeroom period.

Also, it isn’t very ideal to stand for an extended time and endure the cold spring air, specially in the early morning. Your school uniform isn’t enough to protect you away from the cold. Sure, you’re fully clothed with your long sleeve shirt, black vest, and navy blue blazer yet your lower body is freezing and suffering with only a skirt to cover your legs hence the reason why you’re brushing your shin against the back of your leg for some warmth.

You were relieved to hear that the principal started to conclude her speech, thinking you could finally do your unfinished Calculus homework for homeroom only to crush you down when she called the Student Council President, Kim Namjoon, for an announcement regarding his school project advocacy he implemented at the beginning of the school year - Project Paper Drive.

It’s main purpose is to encourage students to recycle paper materials such as newspapers, carton boxes, and other paper recyclables you can name. Essentially, the class with the highest contribution of recyclables by the end of the school year will be granted a pool party by the school’s very own swimming pool area plus a free food catering that will only be exclusive for the winning class. 

It’s also the reason why the competition has become fiercer between classes, specially those who are leading in the ranks. Ever since the project started, your class and Namjoon’s have always been battling to take the first place to which Namjoon’s class claimed the top spot during the first quarter only for your class to take their place by the second quarter, leaving you on a tie as of the moment.

“Good Morning! I am here to announce the top five classes this third quarter for Project Paper Drive” Namjoon announced to the microphone as he looked down on the paper he’s holding.

“Do you think we’re at number 1 this time?” Sora - your friend - asked you as she looked back at you with a quite anxious look that mirrors your exact same face right now as you eagerly wait to hear the results.

“I hope so” 

“The top two this time is…” you closed your eyes as you crossed your fingers, hoping that it’ll be Namjoon’s class but you were distracted upon the loud screams by your right when Namjoon spoke up, “Class 3-2! Congratulations Class 4-1 for taking the first place this third quarter!”

You bitterly looked over at Class 4-1 which happens to be Namjoon’s class. A scowl on your face is evident when you see them excitedly cheer each other, knowing how they now have the advantage of winning the project but that’s not what particularly is ticking you off. 

“Isn’t it unfair to let Namjoon’s class participate in this project?” you snickered to Sora.

“I bet he told them the project before the school started so they could have a head start.”

You were about to complain more when Namjoon announced that they'd discovered the school’s archived newspapers in the recyclables but they were unable to trace to which class it came from since all of the recyclables are combined all together and ready for sorting when they have found out. 

Namjoon then warned that the class will be eliminated from the project once they found out which class is responsible for stealing one of the school’s property.

“Everyone sure is competitive to go through those lengths” Sora said as she chuckled but you disregard her statement as you ask about one thing you’re more interested in.

“What happens though if we win next quarter? I mean-” you weren’t able to finish your sentence when your class adviser, Ms. Sung, shushed you as she ordered you to stand straight and put your arms on both of your sides, not even noticing that Namjoon’s done with his announcement, leaving everyone to go back to their own classrooms in an orderly manner. 

As you got back to your room, the once quiet and disciplined class in the school grounds turned into a bit of a chaotic scene now that you only have twenty minutes left for your homeroom period, making everyone in a rush as some get in and out of the room to get their things in their locker while the others are chatting loudly or how the others are doing their unfinished homeworks like what you are doing right now.

You fell asleep last night when you were working on your Calculus homework and you sure do regret it now as it’s the next subject after homeroom and you still have four questions yet to be answered or maybe you could blame it on the school principal’s ‘short speech’.

“Are you done with your Calculus homework?” you urgently asked Sora who just plopped her books down on her table next to yours, reminding yourself to get your things once you're done with this. 

“Here” Sora handed you her homework, thanking her as you wrote down the answers as fast as possible and once you were done, you stood up as you hurriedly made your way towards the door to go to your locker but Ms. Sung called you before you could make it outside the room.

“Y’N, can you call the class president while you’re outside?” you nodded as you got out of the classroom and you were instantly greeted with an empty hallway, considering everyone went through their lockers earlier except for you but you’re clueless where the class president is because you’re pretty much the only person in the hallway that is until you turned around the corner.

You first saw Jimin chatting up with his friends, Taehyung and Minjae, in a serious conversation as they seemed to not even notice your presence when you passed by. Not wanting to disturb their conversation just yet, you opted to head first towards your locker, looking over your schedule that’s pasted inside the door to get the text books you needed for today.

You looked back to see that they’re still completely unaware of your presence until you closed the door of your locker a bit too loudly when you hit it with your shoulder, cutting their conversation short as they glanced up towards the source of the noise.

“Jimin, Ms. Sung is looking for you” you said, walking to them closer with a bit of an embarrassed look for unexpectedly causing too much of a noise.

Jimin looked at his wristwatch, eyes widening once he took notice of the time, “Hey, let’s get back to the room.”

You continue to walk on your own after having said that but then Taehyung appeared right by your side with a big grin, “Y/N, are you done with Calculus?”

“Yeah, it’s on my table” you smiled, rolling your eyes in the process albeit playfully.

Taehyung is the one you’re closest with out of them three, simply because he’s the one sitting behind you. Truth be told, you were annoyed with him at first because of how he would constantly kick your chair during a quiz to ask you for answers but you eventually warmed up to him when he helped you out on that English quiz and since then, you’ve become ‘cheatmates’.

“Stop bothering her” Jimin said as he shoved Taehyung, making the latter chuckle as he ran off towards the classroom, shouting a thank you to you before he disappeared with Minjae inside the room.

“Here, let me help you” Jimin grabbed your books from you whilst offering you the sweetest smile you’ve ever seen.

This is one of the reasons why every girl in high school looks at him with hearts in their eyes but who wouldn’t anyway when Jimin has such a loving nature and an angel like personality - a total surprising quality for boys like his age who are rather rowdy and annoying. 

Not to mention, he’s also smart and reliable thus the reason why he has been consistently elected as the class president for years now which is totally a plus point  and it is true, that Jimin is indeed irresistible but let’s just say that you could describe your admiration for him as a passive one.

Reason is, it’s way too exhausting to like a boy that every girl likes and you don’t even want to deal with the competition so you don’t even wanna bother to join the other girls though you can’t guarantee that you’re safe away from exhibiting the same heart eyes for him from time to time because come on, we’re talking about Park Jimin here - no one can resist his charms.

“Thanks” you said as Jimin placed it on your table, smiling once again before he went towards the teacher’s table.

“Don’t start” you glared at Sora just as she was about to open her mouth.

“I haven’t even said something”

“I know what you’re going to say” you annoyingly replied, knowing full too well that she was just about to tease you as she always does since she’s that kind of person that sees malice in every little kind gesture from a boy and you sometimes hate how she thinks like that but oh well, you’re teenagers after all.

Jimin then walked towards the teacher’s table as he listened to whatever instruction Ms. Sung is giving him and then he politely bowed with a smile after they were done. He then went up the platform, walking towards the center as he spoke to call everyone’s attention.

“Everyone, I think you’ve all known that the project has been more competitive now that Class 4-1 reclaimed their place but there’s nothing to worry about. We still have one quarter left to top them and our recyclables are less than three kilos from them so it’s not much of a hassle to reclaim the top as long as we work on this together.” Jimin said with full determination, igniting everyone’s competitiveness. He was about to step down the platform that is until one of your classmates shared a brilliant suggestion for everyone to follow.

“I’ve got this from our neighbor” Jihyun stood up, raising her four liter plastic water container she brought with her today for the project, “Why don’t we start to collect recyclables around our neighborhood? It could help raise our numbers for this.”

Jimin clapped his hand as she pointed to Jihyun, “Ah yes, that’s a nice idea Jihyun. Any more suggestions?”

Everyone then started to relay one by one all their brainstormed ideas and it’s just fun to watch how the class looks so eager to win the project much like the attitude everyone exudes when it’s the school’s field day. 

Nothing unites a class more when they’re after the same goal of winning, specially when we’re talking about an exclusive year end class pool party. 

--

“Hey, isn’t it time for your shift already?” Sora asked you whilst looking at her wrist watch, making you do the same only for you to see that it’s already 12:40 in the afternoon which could only mean that you’re duty as the student librarian started ten minutes ago.

You scrambled on your feet as you aimlessly collected all of your things including the book you’re too engrossed reading that caused you to miss the time, “I’ll see you later!”

You hastily went out of the cafeteria as you rushed to the short cut, climbing the stairs two steps at a time until you finally made your way inside the library. You paused for a bit as you tried to catch your breath whilst you leaned your hips against the circulation desk.

“Y/N, you’re late” Ms. Kim, the school librarian, looked at you with a smile then looked back down to continue her duty of photocopying some papers, “I’ll let this pass since you’ve never been late.”

“I’m sorry, i was too busy reading and i didn’t notice the time” you said with relief evident in your voice as you went behind the desk to take the remaining papers from her.

Being a student librarian was not something you imagined to do but ever since junior year started, you decided to take on anything that could build up your student resume and get extra credits in preparation for the college entrance exam you’ll be taking in your senior year.

It’s not like it’s an actual bad thing considering you love reading books anyway but besides that you’ve also decided to compete during the school’s field day for the Volleyball game that got  your team winning first place and to top that, your Science Investigatory Project was chosen to be featured during the Science Fair.

An average student is what describes you best but you muster every effort you got in you to be one of the best students out there since you’ve been dreaming of getting into Seoul National University though you must say that you’re still quite lacking when it comes to academics, specifically at Math.

“Is there anything else i can do?” you asked, placing down the stack of photocopied papers next to her.

Ms. Kim shook his head no at you, “There’s nothing else to do so why don’t you use this as your free time.”

You went to sit down on the corner meant for student librarians like you as you do what Ms. Kim has instructed you and it isn’t quick before you get fully immersed again in reading until you notice that you have a few pages left before the book ends.

“Ms. Kim, has the sequel for this book got returned already?” you asked, remembering how the book is supposed to be returned by now but you don’t recall putting it back on the shelf.

“Oh right”, Ms. Kim snapped her fingers as she remembered something, “I forgot to tell you it was returned last week.”

Getting up, you then proceeded to go to the fiction section where you instantly spotted the second book. You’re reading one of the most in demand book series today which is The Maze Runner. Since everyone’s been dying to borrow it, you took it out of the fiction section as you went at the far right end of the library where the Math section is located to hide it there just because no one really scans Math books anyway which makes it the perfect hiding spot.

As you were about to leave, you heard a knock coming from the back door of the library, causing you to furrow your brows at why would someone knock there when that door isn’t meant to be used since it leads to the fire exit. Regardlessly, you walk around the bookshelf covering the door only for you to discover something unusual.

A boy is crouched down in front of the door as he got an old newspaper from the pile next to him, slipping it under the door where it was pulled fastly as if there’s another person at the other side of the door. You were confused about what's happening until you started to piece out everything just when you recalled Namjoon’s announcement regarding the Paper Drive Project.

Holy shit, this must be the culprit who’s stealing newspapers for the project.

“Ms. Kim! I found the…” you shouted out, ready to snitch the boy who’s cheating their way in the project but you weren’t able to finish your sentence when the boy turned around with a quite startled look and next thing you know, he had his hand around your mouth to shut you up, eventually pinning you against the bookshelf in the process. 

“Y/N…?” the boy in front of you sighed, removing his hand from you to place it instead on top of his chest.

“Jimin?” you bewilderedly looked at him with so many questions running around your head as you look over the pile of newspapers and then back at him, “Are you...the one stealing newspapers?” you asked, lowering your voice as you said the last part.

Before Jimin could answer you, he went back to the door to knock on it two times as if he’s sending some sort of a signal to someone from the other side. Jimin ran his hands along his hair only for him to pull it from frustration whilst he had his other hand rested on his waist with a quite stressed look.

“You’re not going to report me, are you?” Jimin glanced up at you with a worrisome look.

“I don’t know?” you stammered as you try to process everything.

Of course, he forgot that you’re a student librarian and it’s obviously your job to report instances like this but a part of him is confident that you won’t snitch him just because you’re in the same class and you both know that you don’t want the class to get eliminated from the project though he could only hope you’re thinking the same thing as him.

“Um, I guess i need to explain” Jimin grabbed your hand to drag you out behind the bookshelf as he guided you both towards the rows of tables and chairs but your attention was called before you could even settle on your seats.

“Y/N? What happened?” 

Well, you thought you’re being so clever to find out the culprit only for you to end up digging your own grave or let’s just say a mass grave for your class because what are you supposed to say to Ms. Kim? That you find the newspaper thief who happens to be Jimin? 

No,you can’t do that - you can’t risk your class not when the pool party is at stake here.

You should probably think of a lie right now but what’s worse is that you’re a very bad liar and that’s a fact but you should put your best into saying something that’ll make sense. You’re way too deep making up a lie in your head that Jimin had to squeeze your hand - that is surprisingly still holding his - when he noticed you’re taking way too long to answer.

“Ah i found the sequel” you nervously laughed as you pointed your hand swiftly towards the Math section, too swiftly that your hand almost slammed into Ms. Kim’s face who’s clearly startled by your sudden movement, causing you to bite your lip in embarrassment.

God, I’m so awful.

“I was looking for it in the fiction section and it’s - Sorry, i just got excited...i guess” you stopped yourself from rambling, not trusting yourself that you might spew out some nonsense and make yourself more obvious. 

“Alright but remember the rule” she eyed the acrylic banner on the wall that says ‘Please Keep Quiet.’

“Yes, Ms. Kim and I’m sorry again” 

Ms. Kim smiled at the both of you as she left, leaving Jimin to tug you towards the table that’s the farthest from the occupied ones and you are once again reminded of your still intertwined hands that you’ve unknowingly been holding on to ever since you caught him at the back of the library.

As you both sat down side by side, you cleared your throat awkwardly as you tried to unclasp your hand from Jimin who quickly detached your hand from his as he muttered an apology.

“Thank you for not telling,” Jimin muttered as he intertwined both of his hands instead on top of the table but he was suddenly taken aback with the tone of your voice when you spoke up.

“You could’ve been in so much trouble only if it weren’t for me! What would you do if you were caught by someone else!?” you whispered shout as you voiced out your frustration but more so because you’re still stuck in a state of disbelief that Jimin did this and it looks like there must’ve been a glitch in the system for him to be the culprit.

“Well, I guess, I’m lucky you caught me,” Jimin said as he tried to gauge your previous reaction, not really expecting for you to go off on him.

“That’s not the point. I mean, why do you have to steal those newspapers?” you can’t decipher why he needs to risk the class by stealing when there are good various suggestions made by your classmates awhile ago for you to win.

“I’m not stealing, I’m recycling them” Jimin stated out, causing you to furrow your brows even further at his dumb sounding statement, “Look, do you want to have the pool party or not?”

“I do, as much as everyone else” Jimin pointed at you, thinking he got his point across when you’re in fact still a bit lost.

Jimin then began to explain to you that this plan started after the end of the second quarter when your class placed first for the project and everyone looked joyous at the achievement. That specific moment sparked some kind of pride in him hence the reason why he felt the need to win the project for the class.

“Why newspapers though? Why not cardboard boxes, don’t they weigh heavier?”

“Yes, cardboard boxes are heavier but newspapers are being printed daily and they become pretty much useless the next day” Jimin glanced back towards the back of the library before continuing, “There are newspapers there dated five years ago. Why just keep them there when you can recycle them, right?”

Jimin quirked his brows along with a mischievous smile and you could swear that you feel like he’s being such a villain yet a hero at the same time - a Robin Hood of some sorts when he got you convinced by his statement right then and there.

“You’re not the only one on this plan, are you?” you narrowed your eyes as you remember how the newspaper was fastly pulled out as soon as he slipped it under the door.

“Taehyung and Minjae as well but i hope you won’t tell this to your friends or the class since you know, it could be risky and the fewer, the better”

“Okay” you sighed as you got up, ready to leave to go back to the circulation desk but Jimin is a bit discontented with your answer as he’s still perplexed if he could really trust you not to tell everyone.

“Wait” Jimin held your arm, making you sit back down “Do you think it would be smart to have another one in?”

“What do you mean?”

“I just realized that you can be my lookout and since you’re the student librarian, that automatically makes you the least suspicious one to be doing this”

“Like an inside job?” you gave Jimin a deadpan look because if you agree, you could be at risk of losing your extra credits and potentially ruin your credentials if you were caught by chance but on the other note, the pool party is too tempting.

“If you like to call it that way. So is it a deal?” Jimin cheekily smiled, leaning forward to you with his hand held out under the table.

You didn’t contemplate it too much because next thing you know, you grabbed his hand to seal the deal.

--

You were out of focus as soon as you heard your stomach grumble, too hungry to even process the discussion about the difference between Ionic Bond and Covalent Bond in Chemistry. As if the gods were in your favor, you looked at the clock above the whiteboard to see that there’s five minutes left before lunch time.

Bored as wits, you pushed down on your click pen as you synchronized it with the ticking movement of the second hand of the clock but it looks like Sora’s not too pleased at what you were doing as she snatched the pen away from your hold.

“Stop, it’s annoying” Sora hissed.

“I’m hungry” you grumbled, regretting it now that you skipped breakfast and recess just because you told yourself that you’re going to take your diet seriously now but it looks like you can’t even make it through your first day.

“What did I tell you? Skipping meals is unhealthy.”

“It’s called intermittent fasting” you reminded Sora as you huff, laying your back against your chair, still looking at the time that seems to be slower than ever so you decided to observe your classmates in the room.

Half the students at the back were either sleeping or chatting up with their seatmate while those who are in front are too engrossed in the lesson whilst you in the middle seems to be caught in between the mood of those who are at the front and back.

Your eyes then remained to the person on the right side of the room who’s seating one row ahead of you, realizing that it has been a week already since you caught him stealing newspapers at the back of the library. 

Also, it has been a week when you became part of the plan though you still have not done your job of being a look out since you suggested to Jimin that you need to wait for at least a week for the issue to die down before you could continue. 

You have mutually agreed that you could only steal the newspapers once or twice a week with no particular day since having a pattern could get you caught plus you still have to do your job of being a student librarian.

But that’s not what you have in mind right now because you’re stuck in admiring Jimin’s face and observe how he has such a perfectly nice jaw yet he has such cute fluffy cheeks that you’d want to squish and bite if given the chance because look at him, he looks like such a warm rice cake served every new year.

You snapped out of your weird thoughts that are definitely caused by your hunger and thankfully, the bell rang just as you glanced back towards the clock, causing you to immediately stand up as you rushed towards the door but your attention was called before you could make it outside.

You looked at the source to see Jimin raised his eyebrows at you, taking the hint that today’s going to be the first time you’ll be executing the plan with them and you’re painfully nervous for it that you only even spent twenty minutes out of your allotted thirty minutes lunch time before you got yourself in the library.

Thankfully, Ms. Kim’s always lenient with you and you don’t have that much task to do today besides stapling twenty sets of papers. After that, you headed straight towards the back of the library to meet Jimin who’s sitting on the floor as he patiently waited for you and once you’re back there, he began to slip the newspapers under whilst you stayed behind the bookshelf as you peeked outside in between the spaces.

“Do you know the reason why the council was able to find out about the stolen newspapers” you asked as you looked back on Jimin who’s busy slipping the newspapers under the door whilst he’s crouching down.

“Why?”

“It’s because the school seal is stamped at the back.”

Jimin paused for a moment to look at the back of the newspaper to confirm your statement and sure enough, the school seal is there to straight up remind him how dumb he must’ve been to not notice it.

“So you better remove that page before you put it in the paper drive” you said.

“See, this is the reason why it’s smart to have you in” you shook your head, smiling as you went back to looking outside.

“I think it’d be also good if you could switch your place with Taehyung or Minjae to not raise suspicion” 

“Okay, then we’ll do that”

Since there are only a few students inside the library, you sat down on the floor with your crossed ankles and your right shoulder against the bookshelf. Your position right now has given you a perfect view of Jimin discarding his blazer at the moment, leaving him only with his buttoned up white shirt but not only that, he also rolled up the sleeves up to his elbows as if that isn't such a sight to look at.

Jimin may be facing his back to you but this is enough for you to get a good view of his physique but then you should really stop these inappropriate thoughts. 

As if Jimin sensed you watching him, he’s just right in time to catch you in the act of gawking at him that made you straight out bashful as you try to look anywhere but him.

“Are you tired?” 

“Just a bit” you twisted your body so you could direct your gaze through the gaps of the bookshelf whilst you busy your hands as you pressed your palms down on your legs to act as if they’re hurting though you’re more likely just fizzing out your embarrassment.

It was silent after that and it just made things awkward, specifically for you as you try to think of a topic you could talk about since you and Jimin are not close to begin with, maybe just an acquaintance. 

You were racking your brain for some ideas until your eyes wandered over the Math Section, “You’re good at Calculus, right?”

“I think i just take it in well” 

You let out a little huff as soon as you heard his humble remark, “You always get the highest scores in exams.” The compliment made Jimin shy as he smiled in a way that made his eyes turn into little crescents, making him look so undeniably adorable.

“What about you?” 

“I suck at Math” you chuckled, “I’m pretty good at History though since i could memorize the dates or details pretty easily.”

“Well, i suck at History so that makes us fair”

Jimin knocked on the door twice, once he slipped the last newspaper as he dusted off his hand before sitting down with his back against the door and is now facing you, “I could teach you Calculus if you want.” 

“Huh?” The offer came out of nowhere and it was so sudden, causing you to raise your eyebrows at him in surprise.

“I mean, we have a test on Calculus this Thursday” Jimin said as he looked at you, waiting for your response but he was met with none, “If you just want help is all.”

You don’t have to say anything for Jimin to figure out that you were not interested at all and he regrets it now that his statement might have sounded too forward for you so he stood up, unrolling his sleeves as he grabbed the blazer off of the floor as quickly as possible.

“Yeah, sure” you stood up as well, straightening down your skirt as you watch Jimin halt his movements. 

You don’t even know why you got nervous for a moment when Jimin just asked if he could help you in Calculus but your mind sure does have a way of thinking that maybe he’s making a move on you when in reality he’s just being the kind person he is.

“Oh okay, does after class sound good?” Jimin’s voice peeked a little at your answer.

“I still have to go here after class though.”

“I could go here then we could also study here, is that okay?” 

You think your heart just skipped a little after hearing that but you composed yourself as you nodded at him but you think your heart skipped for the second time when he smiled to display once again those cute little crescented eyes that you so began to adore just now.

--

Sora twirled the blue ribbon from your ponytail around her fingers as she watch how focused you are in writing down the notes for your last subject whilst her attention is the total opposite from you, too eager for the class to be dismissed so you could now both go to the mall to eat out and do some window shopping.

“Where do you want to eat?” you stopped writing, head turning sideways as you raised your eyebrows until it dawned on you that you have agreed to go to the mall with her last week and it must’ve totally slipped your mind hence why you’re giving her now an apologetic look.

“Can we go tomorrow instead? I kind of need to study today”

“Study with Jimin?” you playfully rolled your eyes, ignoring her question as you went back to write, “What’s with you and Jimin?” 

“Nothing”

“Well, you sure do spend a lot of time together lately” Sora is in fact not lying when she said that. Not only were you just getting the archived newspapers at the library but your after class study sessions have become a daily routine for you two ever since last week.

You understood Calculus much better now and thanks to Jimin’s help that you’re now able to get higher scores in your quizzes and you must say that he’s equally doing good in History too because as it turns out, you discovered that Jimin retains the details much better when someone is quizzing him.

“Normally, i’d be pissed you forgot our mall date but i’ll let you pass since we’re talking about your lovelife here.”

“Sora” you warned, getting annoyed at her constant teasing.

“What? I have a feeling you’d end up with Jimin before the end of the school year” you scoffed at her oddly specific statement.

“And how could you be so sure about that?”

A piece of paper was placed on top of your notebook and upon seeing it, you immediately saw your full name and Jimin’s though it’s a bit incomprehensible to read because of how the common letters are crossed off for unknown reasons until you saw the word ‘FLAMES’ written on capital letters below your names and you could only glare at Sora when you saw where the circle landed on - L for Lovers.

“What are you? A middle schooler?” you soon burst into a chuckle, finding the whole thing ridiculous.

“FLAMES never fails, trust me” you shook your head as you went on to pack your things once you heard the bell ring.

“I’m sorry Sora, See you tomorrow then” you waved, slinging your backpack over your shoulder.

“You better not forget it” Sora accusedly pointed at you, chuckling as you nodded your head as you went out of the classroom.

You stopped by your locker first to stuff in your things except for your Calculus book and notes since Jimin will be teaching you about Limits on Combined Functions for today.

Arriving first in the library, you then proceeded to finish your task for today which is to return books into their proper place. Thankfully, there were only four books that got returned, leaving you with pretty much nothing left for you to do after so you instead got yourself settled on one of the tables as you opened the textbook and scanned the notes you took that you barely understand anyway but might as well try.

“Hey” Jimin greeted you, sitting himself down next to you as he unzipped his backpack to get out his things, “Did you understand the lesson a while ago?”

Shaking your head, you give him an apologetic look, “Not so much.”

“That’s okay, I'll just explain it from the start” Jimin told you as the sweetheart he is. 

Opening the textbook, Jimin started to explain the lesson a while ago with no difficulty as he constructed graphs and wrote out the solutions so you could see the step by step process. You’re thankful that he’s being so patient with you no matter how many questions you throw at him but he said that it’s good to be inquisitive than to be uninterested.

Once you finally get the gist of it, you find yourself staring lost at his face and watch how he looks so cool just talking about functions and their limits. How unfair is it that he doesn’t have to exert much effort to look so ethereal, no wonder he’s so good at catching everyone’s hearts.

So handsome.

Jimin suddenly looked at you with a smile forming on his face when he caught you looking at him and you panicked thinking that you might’ve voiced out your thoughts out loud but he’s looking at you as if he’s waiting for you to speak.

“Huh?”

Jimin smiled as he then pointed towards the parabola he constructed on the Cartesian Plane, “I said, What’s the f(g(-8))?”

“Oh um wait” you grabbed the paper from him as you analyzed the graph, “It’s 5.”

Jimin enthusiastically nodded his head, “It’s not so hard is it?” 

Your study session for Calculus went on as Jimin gave you five more exercise questions from the textbook before you called it a day once you proved that you understand the lesson when you answered all the questions right.

“Aren’t you going home yet?” Jimin asked as he stood up to push in his chair, backpack clinging into his shoulder.

“I still need to clean up a bit then I'm good to go” you told him as you picked up some crumpled papers under the table.

“I’ll help you”

“No, it’s fine” you dismissed him as you waved your hand no to him but he already removed his backpack as he helped you by aligning and fixing the tables and chairs. Knowing Jimin, he would persistently insist to help you no matter how many times you try to deny his offer so you just let him be as you went on to shut down the computers.

“Leave that, it’s fine” you chuckled when he was about to remove the trash bag from the bin, “Good bye, Ms. Kim!”

“Good bye” Ms. Kim waved to the both of you, “Oh and thank you Jimin for helping us clean.”

“No worries, Ms. Kim. Take care!” As you said your farewells, you and Jimin both descended down the stairs as you got out of the building.

It’s such a weird sight for the quadrangle to be this empty and you figured that you must’ve studied longer than the usual when you see the sky painted in hues of pink and orange that could only mean that the sun had already begun to set - it’s already quarter to six when you took a look on your wristwatch.

“Ah, I can't believe it's rush hour already” Jimin sighed once he saw how crammed the bus stop right beside your school is with everyone aggressively fighting for their way to get onto the bus quickly, “Do you want to go to 7-Eleven to past time?”

“Yeah, sure” It’s late anyway so what’s the difference with getting home later when you know that you’ll be standing at the bus stop for fifteen minutes or so before you could eventually get in a bus and go home.

The door chimes rang once you got inside the store with you heading straight towards the Slurpee machine to get yourself some Wild Cherry. Jimin followed suit as he got a cup for himself, placing it under the dispenser for Coke but what intrigued you the most is that he mixed it with Wild Cherry.

“Does that taste good?” you gave him a look of distaste as you watched him put the lid on his cup.

“Why don’t you try it for yourself” 

“My cup’s already full”

“Drink it, the attendant wouldn’t even see you” Jimin stood beside you to give you some cover and you took the chance to hurriedly sip on your slurpee which you kind of regret now that you got a brain freeze.

“Sometimes i think you’re just being nice so you could cancel out doing your little evil things” you chuckled as you mixed a quarter of Coke into your Wild Cherry. 

“Not really” Jimin smiled as you both lined up, “Do you want some snacks? It’s my treat.”

“See, you’re back to being nice again but you don’t have to, it’s okay” you said, opening your wallet to get some money but Jimin beat you to it when he handed the bill to the attendant.

“Think of it as my reward for you since you did pretty well on Calculus today.”

“Okay, thank you then” you smiled, walking over towards the seat and table by the window, you both sat down side by side, sipping on your mixed flavored Slurpees - which is surprisingly good -  as you watch the bus stop across from where you are.

“You sure you don’t want anything to eat?”

You shook your head, “It’ll be dinner time soon and my mom would scold me if i told her i’m full.”

“Well, same here” Jimin chuckled as he stopped eyeing the aisle of chips behind you, joining you instead in looking out the window.

“Who do you think will get on the bus first? Miss striped shirt girl or Mister black turtleneck?” you asked as you take interest towards the two figures standing in front, giving them an advantage to get in the bus quicker than the others.

“Wanna bet on it? You need to treat me the next time we’re here if i win.”

“Okay and if I win, you need to treat me again”,  you said, “I’ll pick Miss Striped Shirt”

Jimin stroked his chin as he think of something to say about the man, “I think Mister Turtleneck will let Miss Striped Shirt go in first just because he dresses like a gentleman to me”

You scoffed, “Chivalry doesn’t exist when it’s rush hour, specially when everyone is equally itching to go home.” 

“Let’s see and wait” and so you did with full seriousness as you put both of your arms on the table, still sipping on your slurpee as you keep your eyes focused on the two of them until a bus arrived, blocking your view of Miss Striped Shirt and Mister Turtleneck completely thus you wait until you can fully see again the bus stop.

“What do you want?” you spoke defeatedly as soon as Miss Striped Shirt disappeared, leaving behind Mister Turtleneck on the bus stop.

“This same Slurpee and a Jjapaghetti.”

“Fine.”

“Oh and some hot bar too and maybe -”

“Hey! you’re milking it” you argued whilst you pushed his shoulders albeit playfully.

Jimin laughed, standing up as he readjusted his backpack and throwing out the now empty red cup into the bin, “Let’s go, it’s getting dark.”

And that’s how your daily study sessions in the library also turned into daily food trips across the 7-Eleven in front of your school while you wait for the rush hour to die down, betting on people at bus stops as you drink on Slurpees and snack on convenience store food finds that is sometimes treated by you or Jimin - depends on the winner of the last bet.

Slowly, you’ve come to learn that rush hours are not so bad after all.

--

It’s lunch time and you’re supposed to be at the back of the library but you’re stuck behind the circulation desk this time as you were told to cut up evaluation forms which means that Jimin is left to fend for himself though you’ve warned him to be cautious for the time being you’re not there to be his look out.

Letting out a hiss, you dropped the scissors as you pressed your fingers on the red spot that appeared along the base of your thumb and index finger, relieving them from hand fatigue. If it had not been for the broken paper cutter, you would’ve been done by now but it just had to be broken when you needed it the most - how cruel this world is.

You didn’t let the sound of the door opening bother you but you were able to make out the conversation between the student and Ms. Kim for your ears to perk up. The student is asking her for an Accounting Book - not sure why she’s looking for it but Ms. Lee answered her with delight as she pointed out that it’s in the Math Section.

Math Section.

Those two words are enough for you to drop what you’re doing as you leaned backwards in your chair, taking a good glimpse of who this student is and to your surprise, she just happens to belong in Namjoon’s class.

Before you could interject to say that you’ll look it up for her, she left as she walked straight further down at the back of the library, causing you to stand up as you briskly follow her footsteps but she just seems to be much quicker than you now that she’s halfway through.

Gladly, she stopped from walking as she looked over the voice that called her name. She waved to the group of students seated on a table as she first made her way to them which is enough for you to buy some time and go towards the back of the library to remind Jimin.

“Someone’s coming over here” you whispered as you tapped on Jimin’s shoulder.

“Who?”

“I don’t know but she’s in Namjoon’s class” you told him frantically but Jimin rather looks way too relaxed as he still continuously slips out newspapers, “Come on, let’s go before we get caught.”

“Just a few more.” 

“Jimin, I think that’s enough already” you’ve seen way too many movies or documentaries about thievery or such for you to know that most of them goes unsuccessful because they’re being greedy at the last minute when they could’ve made it if they just chose to let some of it go. 

Well, you could only hope that it won’t happen to the both of you.

“Two newspapers and i’m done” you huffed as you let him be, seeing that Namjoon’s classmate is still talking with those students.

You continue to peer through the spaces of the shelf until Jimin alerts you with bad news, “Shit, it’s stuck.”

“Push it” you looked back to see that Jimin managed to insert a bunch of newspapers in one go, making it impossible for the newspaper to go through the other side no matter how much he pushed it with his hands.

Abandoning your position by the shelf, you went to the door as you kicked the newspaper forcefully but it wouldn’t budge so you lower your head down by the space under the door to give out a message. 

“Taehyung, pull it out harder.”

“Why won’t it go through!?” Jimin whispered in frustration as he continued to push it whilst you just stared at him with an annoyed expression when he should have listened to you in the first place but this is no place for you to argue so you just stood up as you went back behind the shelf.

Panic settled in within you once again when you saw Namjoon’s classmate gone on the table and now see that she’s making her way towards the Math Section. 

“She’s coming! Hurry!” you whispered and looked back to see that there was no progress for the stuck newspaper, making you lose your mind as your anxiety picked up because getting out of the place is surely not a viable option for you anymore, not when she’s too close in your area.

“Fuck! What do we do now!?” Jimin’s hair is messed up with how many times he mindlessly ran his fingers through it.

“I don’t know, just pull it back inside” you clutched both of your hands on the shelf, causing a book to fall with a thud, cursing yourself when Namjoon’s classmate looked at your direction and you swear you wanted to cry right then and there when she instead took the path towards where you’re hiding.

“Oh shit, she’s going here” you try to think of any lie to save your asses but you can’t come up with anything and this might be the end of it - Karma finally managed to catched up to chew on you both and you could now only bid your farewell towards the pool party you’ve all dreamed to have.

You heaved, finally accepting your demise when you suddenly heard the two knocks coming off of the back door but before you could even process it. A pair of hands grabbed you by the shoulders, turning you around so swiftly that made you step back to regain your balance until your back hit against the shelf.

There’s a little to no space between you and Jimin but that space was soon closed off when Jimin leaned dangerously close to your face and you didn’t have enough time to ask what he was doing when you felt a pair of lips against yours, taking your breath away completely.

You’re not entirely sure what’s happening right now or maybe your mind cannot wrap around the fact that Jimin is kissing you right now and holding you so close with his hand placed on your waist whilst the other is on your neck.

Instinctively, you flutter your eyes shut as you place your hand on his shoulders, kissing him back and it must’ve caught Jimin off guard when you felt his body suddenly get tense and how his hold on your waist tightened a bit. 

You can hear the sound of your rapid heartbeat through your ears and you’re quite clueless if it happens to be coming off from the adrenaline or right in this exact moment but just as you were getting into it, your thoughts were then interrupted by an audible gasp coming from your side.

“Oh um...sorry.”

You broke the kiss, head turning to the side to conceal your face away from the person who just caught you two kissing. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding in the beginning as your mind wandered at the fact that Jimin’s arm is still around you, keeping you close as ever.

You gently pushed Jimin’s shoulder to create some distance between you two because you’re quite not sure if your heart could bear more this kind of intimacy that felt so foreign yet felt so good at the same time and you don’t know what to make out of this situation.

What the hell just happened.

Stunned, you touch your still tingling lips with your fingers as you try to process everything. You’d actually thought you were going to be caught but you totally weren’t expecting that you’d end up kissing Jimin or how you actually didn’t expect for this to be your first kiss even.

Glancing up, you were immediately met with Jimin’s eyes but you instantly avoided his stare as you tried to look elsewhere other than him as awkwardness began to slowly fill in the air. It must’ve looked like Jimin’s dumbfounded with what just happened too as he started to act fidgety just like you do.

“You uh have something there” you broke the silence as you pointed to the corner of his mouth where you could perfectly see the pink stain that came from your tinted lip balm. Jimin glided his tongue along his lips before he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

The awkwardness remained when Jimin refused to talk, leaving you to move your feet quickly as you tried to escape out of there but you didn’t have the chance when Jimin suddenly grabbed your hand, holding you back in place. 

“Y/N, I’m - There’s no other way to explain why we’re here” Jimin said as he scratched the back of his neck.

Well, that’s a fair point because honestly, it’s more reasonable for two students to be caught making out at the back of the library than to be caught stealing archived newspapers except that the former sounds way too controversial but do you really have a choice back there?

“Um yeah, at least we’re not caught” you chuckled and you cringe at how forced it sounds.

“Yeah” Jimin muttered that’s barely above a whisper. It’s definitely getting more awkward here so you take this as a cue to leave again.

“I have to go back” you eyed Jimin’s hand that’s still holding you, “you know, to cut up some forms.”

“Right, yeah” Jimin chuckled as he loosened his hold around your wrist to pick up his blazer off the floor instead, “Um are we good?”

“Yeah, of course” you reassured him with a smile as you finally met his gaze.

Walking back, your smile completely faltered as you thought about how Jimin believed you right there when in fact you’re still a bit unsure for yourself if things could go back to normal after this but it looks like you must’ve improved in telling lies and you don’t know if this is something you should be proud of. 

--

Lowering down your book, you take a glimpse of the surroundings around you and your gut feeling is right to tell you that someone is staring at you or should you say that everyone is staring at you unsubtly. 

“Is there something on my face?” you asked Sora as you closed your book to put it down the table, making everyone look away as they go back into their own worlds. 

“You have a new pimple on your chin” Sora pointed out to you using her chopsticks before picking another piece of Gimbap to chew on. 

That isn’t surely something for everyone to look at but you have a bad feeling that this has something to do with the kiss you shared with Jimin yesterday but could news really be that fast to spread out? 

“Anyway, i need to get going” 

As you walk to exit the cafeteria, you try to keep your head down, feeling extra conscious today with everyone’s attention on you and that is something you hated - to be the center of attention.

When you got yourself inside the library, you went inside the circulation desk to sit on your corner as you grabbed the scissors to finish up the remaining forms but your movement was halted when a hand was placed on top of your shoulder.

“Y/N, how are you feeling today?” Ms. Lee said with a lace of concern in her voice.

You were confused for a moment until you recalled that you excused yourself for your after class duties in the library yesterday, telling her that your dog had just died even though you clearly don’t even have a pet at home.

“I’m fine, still a bit sad is all” 

“I’m sorry again for your loss but it’ll get better day by day” Ms. Lee rubbed her hand on your back before she went back to her seat, leaving you to continue your task.

Honestly, you’ve made up that excuse just so you could go home right away and not meet Jimin for your study session in fear of facing him. You just can’t control being shy or an awkward mess around Jimin after the kiss hence the reason why you try your best to avoid him in all places as much as possible to save you from embarrassment but you can’t help but be curious about one thing.

“Was Jimin here yesterday after class?” you asked.

“Oh yes, he was actually looking for you so i had to relay the news to him if you don’t mind.”

You smiled, nodding your head in understanding but there’s also one thing you’re curious about, “Did he stay here to study?”

Ms. Lee hummed, “He even helped me to clean the library before I closed it down, such a good friend you have”

“Yeah, he is” you mumbled, feeling bad that you stood him up and how childish it is of you to avoid him just because you really don’t like confrontations. You’re just trying to compose your thoughts and feelings before you could muster the courage to face him is what you like to prefer what you’re actually doing.

Before you could delve into it too much, the ringing sound of the landline phone distracted you. Ms. Lee then tapped you on the shoulders, telling you if you could attend to the student in front of her whilst she answered the call.

“Hi, how may i help you?” you asked as you sat down on Ms. Lee’s chair.

“I’d like to check out these books please.”

“Please scan your I.D.” you instructed whilst you typed in the necessary details but you can’t help but notice how she whispered something to her friend who’s right beside her but you were only able to coherently hear the word ‘ribbon.’

You lifted your head only to be able to meet her widened eyes as she frantically blurted out a question to you, “Your ribbon looks nice, where’d you get that?”

You touch the ends of the blue ribbon wrapped around your ponytail, a bit skeptical for her sudden enthusiasm about the ribbon when it’s plainly just an ordinary thing and can be commonly found almost everywhere but you gave her an answer nonetheless.

“I bought it in a department store” you politely smiled as you handed her borrowed books.

“Ah it’s very pretty” she gathered her books off the desk, smiling at you, “thank you!”

You suspiciously looked at the girl as she left the library but shrugged it off completely, thinking you’re just being too paranoid and she’s just genuinely curious to know about your ribbon.

There’s no way this is about you and Jimin.

Lunch break flew by in a matter of seconds because next thing you know, you’re sitting inside the classroom once again, taking down notes about the Joseon Dynasty when you noticed Sora looking at you in your peripheral vision.

“What?” you asked. Normally, you’d just ignore her but it bothers you that she’s evidently looking at you the way everyone has been doing since this morning.

Sora lifted her fingers as she gingerly twirled your blue ribbon around her fingers, “You never told me you weren’t just studying with Jimin.”

“What do you mean?” you leaned closer, hoping that she won’t say the exact same thing you’re thinking about. 

“Well, according to the news spreading around. Jimin was seen in the back of the library making out with a girl wearing a blue ribbon around her ponytail”

Oh no.

So you weren’t being delusional after all but you guessed it right that news about you and Jimin has spread like wildfire around the campus judging by everyone’s looks and how the girl from the library awhile ago isn’t actually curious about your ribbon but she was particularly playing to be interested because you happen to be the mystery girl involved in the school gossip.

“And everyone thinks it’s me?” you scoffed.

“It’s a very specific detail and it perfectly describes you plus all i know, your hair has always been styled like that ever since middle school.”

You were about to get more defensive that is until a sudden loud thud caught you by surprise, making everyone in the class direct their attention in front to discover that Mr. Song apparently slammed the textbook against the teacher’s table on purpose.

“Ms. Yun and Y/L/N, would you like to share your conversation with the class?”

In a matter of seconds, everyone’s eyes turned towards the both of you and you could never wish more for the floor to swallow you whole. 

“I’m sorry” you meeked with Sora following after you.

“I’m sure everyone is interested to hear whatever you’re talking about, right class?” Mr. Song chuckled and you swear you’re so close to tearing up because your teacher has to downright embarrass you in front of everyone as if today’s events aren’t the worst for you. 

Biting your lip, you remained silent as your shaking eyes scanned to look at your classmates and you’re just thankful they didn’t find Mr. Song’s statement to be humorous at all as their face remained stoic or they’re just too intimidated to speak up. 

Coincidentally, your gaze fell on Jimin who offered you an apologetic smile and you can’t say that the gesture comforted you a little bit though you didn’t explicitly show it to him as you quickly diverted your eyes back on the floor.

“I won’t endure this kind of behavior again, is this clear for everyone?” Mr. Song sternly looked at the both of you before he continued the discussion.

You slumped on your seat as you put your hand against your temple. Sighing, you picked up your pen, trying your best to diligently take down notes despite your worsened mood and as you remembered your conversation with Sora, you loosened the blue ribbon around  your ponytail, letting your hair cascade down your face for the first time ever in school.

--

You can’t believe you find yourself at the back of the library again despite how the place has gone controversial for you because of the school gossip but you remind yourself that you’re only here because this is going to be the last time you’ll play your part as the lookout since the winner for the project will be announced at the flag ceremony on Monday.

Obviously, you’re not with Jimin this time but with Taehyung. It has been a week and you’re still avoiding Jimin who’s still consistently trying to get you to talk with him. He would constantly send you messages but you never click on it to view it or how he would still go to the library after class even though you won’t show up.

All those efforts made by him eventually stop after you have ignored him for four days - he altogether didn’t send you messages anymore, he didn’t even come at the library after class, or how he would also ignore you whenever you pass by each other at the classroom or the hallways which eventually made the gossip rapidly die` down when everyone seemed to not believe it with the way you were acting around each other.

You would say you started to feel bad for avoiding him but you just don’t know how to approach him. It’s so easy for you to tell yourself to act normal but you always chicken out whenever you try to come near him and apologize because there has been one thing you’ve realized.

You’re crushing really hard on Jimin.

“Which cram school are you going to this summer?” Taehyung asked you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

Oh right, summer’s coming and that means you have to get yourself into a cram school by the end of the school year to prepare for college entrance examinations and it looks like you were too preoccupied with other things to forget about this.

You pick on the loose thread at the end of your skirt, twisting it around your fingers before you pull on it to remove it, “I don’t know, I still haven’t looked around, what about you?” 

“Same here but i think i’ll go with whatever Jimin picks.” 

With the mention of Jimin’s name, you looked back on Taehyung who knocked on the door twice before he sat down on the floor to face you. Taehyung has never mentioned to you about the gossip before, thinking that maybe he’s just clueless to what’s happening or he’s just minding his own business.

“Speaking of”, maybe he’s not clueless after all,  ''What university are you planning to go to?”

You chuckled, thinking he would bring up Jimin, “Seoul National University, I hope.”

“Oh wow, it’s hard to get in there” Taehyung exclaimed and you thought that maybe you sounded way too ambitious.

“I was just hoping for it but you’ll never know. What about you?”

“I was hoping for Seoul National University too but i don’t think i’ll get in there so i’m fine with wherever i’m accepted” Taehyung said it like it isn’t much of a big deal to him though it’s clear that he’s serious in talking about it and surprisingly, you’ve never seen Taehyung act so seriously until now.

“You’re smart, Taehyung”, you assured him.

“You think? I mean, I have good grades this year and it’s all thanks to you.” 

“You’re just not serious about it now but i can tell you’re smart. I mean, you helped me on an English quiz before so you’ll never know, right?”

“I guess, thanks” Taehyung gave you a warm smile.

You continue to talk with Taehyung for the rest of your lunchtime and you eventually talked about the Project Paper Drive that’s coming off to an end today. Time surely does fly by quickly when you felt like it was only yesterday when you joined the plan and all you have to do now is wait for Monday to come to hear the results.

It’ll be a truly joyous moment if your class happens to win and have a year end pool party like what everyone is dreaming of but it’ll be disappointing if you happen to lose after all the efforts you’ve done for it.

As Monday rolled in, you’ve never been this excited or nervous to hear what Namjoon has to say about the results but as usual, you’re impatiently waiting once again for the school principal to finish her ‘short speech’.

The weather is beginning to feel hot which is very much the opposite back to Namjoon’s last announcement during the third quarter. Speaking of the devil, Namjoon has finally made his way towards the platform with the final result on his hand.

“Good Morning! I guess you all know that i am here to announce the winner for Project Paper Drive but before i could do so, i would like to thank everyone for participating and getting involved in helping the environment. All in all, we have accumulated a total of 328 kilos worth of recyclables.”

“Do you think we’ll win?” Sora asked you.

You nodded your head as you crossed your fingers, eyes closing as you whispered repeatedly the name of your section - your class is going to win and everyone will be having a pool party. You’re claiming it already because that’s how the law of attraction works.

“And the winner for Project Paper Drive is…” Namjoon unfolded the paper as he read out the result.

“Class 3-2!” 

“Class 4-1!”

You whispered at the same time as Namjoon announced the winner but the roaring screams didn’t come from your line. Looking to your right, you see Class 4-1 jumping with joy as everyone hugged and cheered for each other whilst you looked back to your class to see everyone looking defeated, specially when you looked over at Taehyung, Minjae, and Jimin.

I guess, karma finally managed to catched up to you this time.

Once you all got back to the classroom, half of the class are quiet whilst the other half are conspiring against Class 4-1 for cheating the results when ironically, it was your class who had done it yet you didn’t even manage to win.

“Hey, you okay?” you looked back at Taehyung on your seat.

“No because why do we only get a chocolate bar for each person as the second prize?” you complained as you break a piece of chocolate to pop it in your mouth.

“A pizza party would’ve been nice huh?” Taehyung broke a piece from yours but he already ate it when you swatted his hand away.

“Hey! Eat your own” Taehyung chuckled, turning a deaf ear as he broke another piece from yours to feast on.

“How about we get to have our own pizza party for the class then we could also have our own but it’s just me, you, Jimin and Minjae - can’t let out efforts go in vain”

“Go tell it to Jimin then” you said but it kind of sounded spiteful the moment the words came out of your mouth though you don’t intentionally mean it that way.

“You tell him”, Taehyung gave you a knowing look as he raised his eyebrows in a teasing manner, breaking another piece from your chocolate again despite the cold glare you’re sending him.

“I guess, you don’t need my Chemistry homework then” you grabbed your paper off of Taehyung’s table but he stole it from you just in time.

“Alright, fine i’m sorry” Taehyung laughed, licking his fingers that are covered with chocolate before he grabbed his pen to do his homework.

It dawned on Taehyung that you and Jimin are not on speaking terms because of how you always divert the topic to another one whenever Jimin’s mentioned and that goes the same with Jimin as well. 

There’s just something about it that makes the whole situation between you both amusing for him because he might be clueless at times but it’s not that hard for him to figure out that there’s clearly something going on between you two yet you’re just too stupid or maybe too stubborn to recognize and talk about it.

--

Final examinations are next week and you have trouble in keeping up with the new lessons in Calculus but no matter how many Youtube videos you’ve watched at home to help yourself, you just don’t seem to get it. It doesn’t look easy at all compared with the way Jimin's teaching it to you and that’s enough to frustrate you.

You let out a sigh as you lay your head down on top of your Calculus textbook, giving up from trying to understand it as you instead blow out puffs of air towards the pencil you place in between the pages, watching as it rolled back and forth towards your face and the middle of the book.

Looking over the expanse of the library, you noticed how you’re the only one remaining in the study area just because it’s already closing time and the reason you’re still here is because you still have to study more and help Ms. Lee in closing down the library.

You were then brought out of your state of staring into nothingness when the pencil hit your nose along with the sound of the doors opening, making you turn your head to the other side to see who’s this student that managed to get in here beyond closing hours.

You immediately scrambled into your seat as you sat up straight, bewildered at the sight of the unexpected guest as he went towards the circulation desk to talk to Ms. Lee and you hope that he’s just here to have some nice little chit chat.

What is Jimin even doing here anyway?

You thought it was clear that he has given up trying to reach you after his many attempts but he’s here, standing a few meters away from you. If anyone’s watching you right now, you looked honestly ridiculous for panicking as you try to search for exit points within the library just in case Jimin will come over in this area. 

But then, maybe you’re just too quick to think things that he’s here for you and you just need to come off your high horse and stop thinking that the world revolves around you. You just wish that you could get rid of these feelings so you could stop being awkward around him but it seems like that will not happen any sooner.

Panic sure fully settled in when you saw Ms. Lee’s hand pointed towards your direction, causing you to instinctively remove yourself off the seat as you walked towards the nearest bookshelf to hide yourself.

It’s a disadvantage that you can’t see past the bookshelf to see what Jimin is going to do which just makes you more anxious and maybe it’s better to stay here until it’s time for the library to close. You’re just going to organize the books for the meanwhile to set off your panic state.

“Hey”

Why? 

You whispered to yourself with your eyes closed as you recognized the voice to be Jimin’s. Sucking in a deep breath, you reminded yourself to just be normal and stop acting so scared all the time when there’s nothing to even worry about - a lie but you’ll just pretend it’s not until your brain believes it to be true.

“Jimin”, you smiled as best as you could muster, “What are you doing here?”

“Can you help me study History? I mean, we have a quiz for it tomorrow and finals are approaching but it’s fine-”

“Okay” you cut him off from rambling as you walked past him and sat down where you were sitting just a while ago, thinking you should start right away so it could also end right away.

Jimin followed you as he then sat down next to you, handing you the reviewer you sent to him weeks ago. You scan through it to find that he highlighted the important details and color coded it just like what you suggested to him before and you don't know why that made you feel a bit giddy inside. 

In your peripheral vision, you can see that Jimin has his body facing towards you as if having him near you isn’t nerve wracking at all. You tried your best to compose yourself, focusing solely on the reviewer as you then read out the first sentence to quiz him.

“It was the last dynasty of Korea and the longest ruling Confucian dynasty.”

“Joseon Dynasty.”

“He was the fourth king of the Joseon Dynasty and the one who created Hangul”

“King Sejong.”

“What was the capital of Korea before the Joseon Dynasty started?”

The question isn’t actually hard at all considering you’ve been studying this topic since elementary school but it looks like Jimin’s mulling it over when you glanced at him once you noticed he’s been taking a while to answer.

“Sorry” Jimin muttered.

Clearing your throat, you then read the question more loudly just in case he didn’t heard it properly, “What was the capital of-”

“YN, I’m sorry”, Jimin said a bit more clearly, “I know that you don’t want me to be here since you’re probably mad at me but i just wanted to say that i’m sorry if the kiss made you uncomfortable and it wasn’t my intention to make you feel that way but i guess that’s too late for now and i understand if you truly hate me.”

“I don’t hate you”

“You don’t?”

“I’m sorry too for avoiding you but I was not doing it because I hate you” you momentarily looked at Jimin before you went back to look at the reviewer to fold it’s edges.

Are you really going to say the real reason?

You believe that Jimin’s just being nice as he is and you’re mistaking it for something else. Also, the kiss surely is nothing but only a cover up anyway so you figured that it’s best to let him know the real reason so that you could end your suffering quickly and move on from how you don’t stand a chance from him to begin with.

“I just feel awkward and I think that’s because” you lower down your head a bit so that you could perfectly hide your face behind your hair, “ I um...I like you.”

You whispered the last part, hoping he missed what you said though you know he had perfectly heard it - you’re in the most quiet place after all.

Jimin is probably used to hearing countless confessions made for him so this must be not a big of a deal for him but it sure is to you. You waited for a moment for him to say anything back and when you’re sure that he’s not going to open his mouth at all, you stood up as you quickly gathered your things.

“I guess, i have to go”

“Wait” Jimin grabbed your wrist, “Don’t run from me again.”

Jimin gently tugged you down, sitting you back in your place beside him. You were quiet as you idly stare straight ahead, not really knowing what you’re supposed to do now when you just want to get out of here, regretting the fact that you just confessed but Jimin’s hand is keeping you in place so it’s not like there’s no other way.

Suddenly, you got surprised as soon as you felt Jimin’s fingertips ghosting over your palm ever so slowly until he eventually slipped them in between the spaces of your fingers, completely intertwining your hands.

Could this mean that Jimin likes you too?

You looked up at Jimin to see him already staring at you with a sweet smile as he grazed his thumb up and down against your own. Flustered, you turned your head to the other side, biting down on your lip to contain your smile from getting bigger as you try to keep in mind to get a better hold on yourself.

As if the butterflies on your stomach couldn’t get any more wilder, Jimin then squeezed your hand three times and you guess that’s enough for your feelings to be reassured.

--

A/N: Hi! It’s been a while since i last posted and finally, i was able to finish this after procrastinating it multiple times and here you go hehe, hope you all like this! Anyway, how is the Dynamite comeback treating you all? Taehyung definitely had me dead with his ethereal beauty :(

[sleepymccoy]

Aziraphale’s demon aspect

As voted by 246 people!

The winner is

Owl

with nearly 26% of the primary vote

many people added in their free form answers that they were imagining a barn owl specifically

Owl was the front runner the whole way through this survey, but most of the time by a very beatable margin. The 40 or so people who voted in the last night really tipped it over, it was a tight race! And the results are crazy split imo, a quarter of votes constitutes a win! I love the different opinions and ideas we all have so so much

Ram/sheep came in a hearty second with 16.5% of the vote

A very regal demon there.

After that it gets a little murky, so I’m going to share the second graph I made when is every animal that got more than 1% of the vote. So it’s the top six animals

Magpie and Lion holding strong! Then Moth and Goat looking very good

The second question let you vote for as many options as you thought were appropriate for Aziraphale! So, there were a lot more write-ins! It’s crazy!

I’m using google sheets so I can’t get it to show you every name, but the raw data will be in a read more so you can scroll through everyone’s beautiful imagination there

Again, Owl winds with a solid 20% of the vote. Ram/Sheep coming in with about 15%, followed by Moth, Magpie, Goat, Lion, then Tortoise.

Tortoise was 11th in the first round, tied with Snake (but pale), and managed to surprise me by coming through so strong in the second. Slow and steady, baby.

Nearly everyone who wrote in about Magpies told me that Magpies hoard stuff, so it’s nice to see the hive mind at work there!

Five people told me they were voting goat because of that one piece of art by @hollow-head​ that shows Aziraphale scaling a bookshelf like goats do cliffs. As an artist myself I found it legitimately moving that this one image had stayed with people so strongly. That’s just beautiful. Here’s an example of just one person’s comment

idk dude i just remember one person posted art of him scaling the bookstore shelves like those goats scale mountains and just eating his clothes while he reads it was so fuckin funny but anyway goat eyes are great or he could have lil stubby horns that r covered by his hair

One moth enthusiast took the time to give me a short essay on their choice of moth. I have included a portion of it, cos it was so great

So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Here’s a flannel moth for everyone

and a poodle moth, which i honestly thought was a hoax but i looked into it just now and it seems legit? There’s not a tonne of proof, but the og pictures are from a scientists who stands by them, so like, wow

And then a DIFFERENT PERSON put this in;

the moth i had in mind is Acherontia atropos, in polish called Zmierzchnica trupia główka (meaning more or less "dusk death's head"). i have a whole symbolism planned out and stuff 

Fucking, moth fandom come through!!

I’m vaguely scared of moths, fun fact. I don’t like the thick thunking sound they make when they hit stuff.

Here is the second round but with all the animals that got four or less votes removed for ease of viewing

the one segment there at 12 o’clock that google hasn’t labeled for me is Swan at 0.9%

I cannot believe I didn’t put swan in as an option, that’s all write-ins

So, to summarise, I suggest you take a lot of this with a grain of salt. It is not meant as an instruction to fandom or to railroad creativity. I have a narrow corner of the Good Omens fandom that I interact with, and while this quiz was up for a week I’m not sure it reached a great variety of people. About 250 folks filled it out, which was tonnes more than I expected and I love each and every one of you for filling it out!! But I have noticed that Owl was first on my list and in the free form answers the example prompt I gave included, “such as a breed of owl that specifically speaks to you,“ so I think it’s possible I did that unknowing bias thing that practiced survey folk know now to do. So, grain of salt.

I also think that if animals like Swan and Cat were in the list of options they’d’ve gotten more votes because the people who voted for those were coming up with it fresh themselves. I suspect people would’ve voted for them, but it just didn’t occur to them in the moment. In much the same way it didn’t occur to me in the moment I was writing this survey.

So people know, I got the ten or so animals that I put in the survey from searching the demon!aziraphale tag on tumblr, so it was all stuff that other people had come up with. I was trying to avoid my own bias, but i think in hindsight i could’ve done better!

Having said all that, this was all so much fun and the results are clear!!! Love a good owl!aziraphale

Imma continue to draw my boy as a ram, though. Cos this was all just for a laugh <3

numbers and a few more things under the cut

So some of these have half a vote ascribed to them. That’s for people who in their freeform answer said things like this;

ngl, that one post about him being a swan still makes me laugh

Mourning Dove. Though that Scallop answer was fucking brilliant

And I kinda made a judgement call that that wasn’t a vote, but it was kind of a vote. So I gave them half a point.

There were a few situations where people would write in a specific species. If I got more than one vote for the root animal I just grouped them together, but if it stayed the only vote then it kept the species. Cat got the most specific species mentioned, and in the second vote Bat had a few species mentioned (albino bat being my fave), but I ended up grouping them all just under Cat and Bat to give them a better chance of getting on the graph. There were probably a few other examples but I can’t think of them. The one exception to this is the person who wrote-in Duolingo Owl specifically. For that one I figured Owl is already pretty solid, and that’s just fucking funny, man

I was also pretty generous about some stuff. So, this person didn’t vote for Moose but they clearly regretted it so I added a vote for Moose in the second one where you could vote for multiples. They kept their Ram and Goat votes, of course, but I added Moose for them

I get very bastard energy from my demon az headcanons. Like f-ing shit up for a laugh more than anything, but otherwise indifferent. That's kinda why I like the ram/sheep/goat thing so much because it reminds me of indifference and random chaos. Or a moose. Shit, I should have written in moose

So yeah, it’s hardly a double blind study that’d stand up to any real criticism, but it was fun and I think the essence of it is fun!! Scroll through and have a read. Imma pull a few more of my fave write-ins and put them down the bottom cos it’s great. Esp the ones that only got one vote, the reasonings were stellar on some of those

Here is the first vote results, where everyone could only vote for one animal each

Owl 63 Ram/Sheep 40 Magpie 28 Lion 26 Moth 21 Goat 17 Swan 4 Eagle 4 Dove 4 Cat 4 Tortoise 3 Snake 3 Scallop 2 Rat 2 Rabbit 2 Mongoose 2 Badger 2 Shima Enaga 1 Shark 1 Porcupine 1 Orangutan 1 Mouse 1 Long Furby 1 Hippopotomaus 1 Goose 1 Duck 1 Dragon 1 Cow 1 Cereberus 1 Boar 1 Bee 1 Bat 1 Alpaca 1

Second Vote results, where everyone could vote for as many as they wanted

Owl1 82 Ram/Sheep 136 Moth 108.5 Magpie 98 Goat 96 Lion 72 Tortoise 61 Snake 37 Eagle 33 Cat 9.5 Swan 7.5 Lizard 4 Rabbit 4 Badger 3 Mongoose 2 Dove 2 Mouse 2 Squirrel 2 Bear 2 Raccoon 2 Capybara 2 Dragon 2 Bat 1 Long Furby 1 Rat 1 Boar 1 Goose 1 Peacock 1 Pangolin 1 Lindworm 1 Moose 1 Chinchilla 1 Duolingo Owl 1 Cackatoo 1 Crow 1 Cow 1 Alpaca 1  Dodo 1 Shark 1 Big Dog 1 Snow Leopard 1 Scallop 0.5

All voting was optional. To help explain how scallop lost 1.5 votes from first to second, I believe the people who voted for it in the first question just skipped the second cos they’d said their bit.

In terms of how many people engaged with the questions, Q1 had 245 answers and one skip. Q2 had 241 answers and 5 skips, and Q3 where I just let people talk at me if they wanted to had 84 answers and 162 skips.

So please enjoy my selection of free form answers. They all made me smile but putting all 84 in seems excessive to me, so I’ve chosen the ones that are either full blown mini essays or that make me laugh. It’s still a lot, this project brought me so much joy

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Shima enaga - It's the hair man

Cow (aka golden calf)

Scallop. He is a snack.

Swan. Elegant but very capable of fscking you up. Mates for life.

basically anything that is both gentle in nature and fiercely loyal, territorial and protective (but prone to anxiety). Also hedonistic esp. with food. For all of these reasons, I think a dog would be the best choice.

Dragon with his hoard of books

it’s about the teeth. just too sharp and too many to be human. (comment from op here, this person voted for shark, just for context)

Turkish Angora cat. Magnificently fluffy, incredibly intelligent, love heights and will jump off crazy high things and land on your head, gloriously dignified until they see a string and run into a wall, love one or maybe two persons to distraction and want everyone else to fuck off, will drape themselves over their person’s shoulders and go to sleep, range from “will jump in the sea to hunt fish and has a murder pit full of seagulls they’ve massacred” to “will fall over at the sight of a baby bird”, very particular about food and will yell at you if you get it wrong. Also the breed that some asshole took three cats from and bred parent to child to make Persians. The cautionary tale has been acknowledged and we love our crazy smart, single braincelled children.

I usually imagine him as an owl because they are nocturnal (and we know that Aziraphale can easily stay awake the whole night reading). Also the image of an owl puffed up is kind of ridiculous and reminds me of him, of how an annoyed Aziraphale would look. However the options above have made me think that a lion would suit him very well, too. A lion or just a very BIG cat. I mean, he makes pleading eyes to get what he wants, likes to be confortable, is a bit of a bastard and often puts himself in awkward situations from which he needs to be rescued. He just... acts very cat-like in my opinion. Also owls and cats are both predators, but are usually imagined (or, at least cats are) as cute little creatures, just like Aziraphale is an Angel of the Lord (a Warrior, actually) but looks all soft and cute and huggable. I dunno. Maybe I just want to pet an Aziracat.

I love all the other people's thoughts about demon!Aziraphale, but what about the honey badger? I try to explain why I have it in mind for demon!azi: its name (I think it's funny, expecially in English because 'honey' can make you imagine it's something sweet (it is for me), while the 'bad' in badger can be an alarm bell (like 'be careful! It is not like it seems!')); its face (ok, who can say its face isn't cute? I think, and hope, nobody can, and like the name, it is a misunderstanding: as always, be careful, it's not like it seems!, I think demons can say something about demon!azi as like "you don't seem like a 'good' demon, you can't be, your face (animal and human) is too f-ing disgusting sweet to be a demon!", I think maybe even angel!crowley, at the beginning, can think something like this ("how in the world somebody so cute like you can be a demon?"), then he discovered how demon!azi can be a very talented demon sometimes, but in Crowley's mind azi is still his little cutie angry furry); its furry's colour (black=demon, white/grey/silver/idkitsname= color of demon!azi's wings, because even if he fell, I can't say no to his white wings 😭); it is a snake's predator (and in my mind angel!crowley is still a snake); its solitary life (demon!aziraphale is alone and he doesn't mind it, unless it's angel!crowley we're talking about, then our cute demon minds it); its behaviour (demon!azi, even if he's cute, can be a really very talented demon: honey badger is fearless and dangerous, it can fight bigger animals if there aren't other chances and it can't escape); its skin is very tough (except for a soft/safe spot, behind its neck if I remember well, that only angel!Crowley knows and sometimes he uses it to calm demon!azi down or make azi do some good deeds); its diet (it has a sweet-thooth, for honey in primis, but it can eat everything it wants... Doesn't it resemble demon!azi?); it's smart (search for Stoffle on your browser if you don't know)... Ok,I think I finish, sorry for the novel 😅

I tend to think of animals that meet three criteria: (1) they exemplify “faults” in his character exaggerated to “sins”—gluttony, greed/hoarding, sloth, (2) they are species that favor fawning or flight as a defense mechanism but can also be bold on occasion, and (3) blend very well or have a keen affinity with human society, specifically thriving in urban (i.e., city) environments. This is mostly because I can’t see “Aziraphale” in a reverse AU that doesn’t preserve some of his core traits as an angel (a little hedonistic, hoarding, anxious, etc.). So I like city-dwelling bastard animals with bonus points for relation to scripture, like a rock dove or a fox or an owl.

Owls aren't  smart, and the pedant in me says not an owl. But, thinking on it, demon aspect, owls are perceived as smart, but designed as deadly silent predators, patient and solitary. So actually demon Aziraphale could take on more owlish aspects. I just like cockatoo better, since they are smart, and showy. Or a crow, although that does amusing things with Crowleys name.

god imagining him as a chimera is !!! (comment from op, there was this odd flurry of mythical animals being voted for one night. i think the survey hit a corner of fandom that leans that way. there was also dragon, another chimera, a griffon, and a lindworm all at the same rough time)

Magpies are great because they’re cute and fluff themselves up (go look at Sophie the magpie) and like hoarding their favorite things but also I’ve watched one just straight up kill another bird before because corvids are sneaky little bastards with no lack of a mean streak if they’re crossed

It’s the duolingo owl, I’m so sorry op but it just is. I genuinely don’t mean to clown on your post, but this take was delivered to me in a sleep induced haze and I believe it’s the god given truth. Demon Aziraphale WOULD try to make you learn a dead language and he’d go about it in a vaguely threatening way (comment from op, you’re so fucking right dude. also, shit like this is made for clowning, i’m with you 100%)

When choosing a demon aspect for a Aziraphale, I usually tried to keep in mind the artistic tradition of which animals are linked with demons. The Good Omens team seems to have drawn inspiration from that source because all the animals we do see are either reptilian or insectoid. Those species were often shown inhabiting hellish landscapes in Renaissance and Baroque paintings. However, Aziraphale never struck me as cold or slimy or hard like an exoskeleton. So if I had to choose an insect, it would be a moth, preferably a Megalopygidae, also known as the Flannel Moth. They are fluffy, white-beige and look innocent and fluffy, but their larvae can cause painful inflammations. A poodle moth would also fit because it's almost pure white.

Ok so the only reason I pick magpie is because those bastards are smart as hell but also know how and when to inconvenience the shit out of you, and if you gain their trust then they're absolute darlings but if they decide "nah, dont like ya" then you're basically done and you'll wake up every morning with shit on your car window. I also chose sheep/ram cuz I mean... idk it suits him. I don't remember my other choice but I'm sure I had a good reason.

I feel like a barn owl would suit him well but I'm not really sure why, I also think that a moth would suit him really well because of the whole "moth to a flame" thing and as a demon he would have gotten burned because of that attitude.

I write a reverse AU fic called Lambs to the Slaughter where Aziraphale's demonic aspect is an albino sheep! I imagine him as a mix between a wild Argali ram and the first woolly domestics. I chose an Argali because they're the largest species of wild sheep, but I wanted him to have traits of a domestic breed because he obtains his animal aspect from a sheep in Abel's flock which would be several generations down from the original wild species in Eden. I really think a sheep suits Aziraphale! They're an incredibly common animal and have been since they were first domesticated. Likewise, since the start of human history, Aziraphale has been living side-by-side with humans, providing for them, and protecting them. Due to how common they are, sheep are often unnoticed, which Aziraphale leans into. Crowley wants to stand out. He has a dedicated aesthetic and an obsession with human invention, where Aziraphale leans more towards simpler, known things and creature comforts. He fades into the background, and that suits him fine. He doesn't have to be outstanding to Heaven or to humans or even to Crowley -- it's enough to do his part, to trust in a bigger plan. People associate sheep (especially lambs) with innocence or ignorance which foils nicely to Crowley as the serpent tempting with knowledge, as well as with Aziraphale's own sharp mind and ongoing embers of faith in a system that is failing him, Crowley, and all of humanity. Sheep are, like Aziraphale, soft, cute, and hiding a hard-headed stubbornness and a surprising strength that makes them absolutely fearsome. Aziraphale is very much the sort to put his head down and push relentlessly forward regardless of the pressure and strain. Rams in particular have thick skulls to withstand the brutal force of headbutting one another in displays of dominance. While Aziraphale is clever, he's not above rolling up his sleeves and getting the job done, as messy and unpleasant as it might be (see: pulling a gun on the Antichrist). Also sheep are associated with Pan, a god associated with food, music, theatre, and the criticism thereof, which hit many of Aziraphale's personal interests and hobbies! I like the idea that in a reverse AU, the demon formerly named Aziraphale might be the original basis for Pan!

I wrote in Orangutan for the first question because if I remember correctly they are some of the most violent apes. Although I'd accept bonobo for him too. They fuck alll the time.

mothman aziraphale,,,,, thats it

Snowy owl, speremint's tortoise, and I just adore the goat.

moth - dusty and eats books

Long Furby the way Loni-Capri draws it.

I keep thinking about that Black Philip quote "doest thou wish to live deliciously" because... it fits so much with the general epicurean/hedonism vibe the Fandom has for him ... but in a demonic way and also I think a lot abt that art piece (already referenced many times probably but what the hell) of him climbing his own bookshelves, it's just so good!!

Albino Lion/white lion (matches his hair).  I feel like maybe I should explain why I think Lion would fit him best, lol. Lions actually are rather sedate, inactive for 20 hours of the day (see: Aziraphale reading and unmoving- yes I pulled wiki for this to make sure I didn't spout anything terribly wrong, shhh)  but also there's nomad lions. Lions that range widely and move around sporadically either alone or in pairs (*looks at Crowley after apoconope*) (pairs are more frequent among males who have been excluded from their birth pride)  but also I think of lions as protectors, defenders, and what is Aziraphale if not that? If not an angel who fiercely protects humans, crowley, earth? (When he finally overcomes heaven and it's abuse) lions don't hunt unless they're hungry, don't attack unless they're defending. They've been known to sit directly next to jeeps full of people and just watch them, not attacking or being aggresive.

I saw art once (I have no idea who the artist is) of Demon!Aziraphale climbing his bookcases like a goat and absentmindedly chewing on his sweater while he reads. I felt like the goat aspect suited him perfectly.

Honestly I wrote Az with a rat aspect because, well, it fits who I see demon Az as. He's not super powerful but he is very consequential, like rats carrying plague fleas (this also describes how I see Az tempting). He tries to blend into a crowd, which is arguably one way rats survive, and can get himself into places/situations that should be impossible or super difficult. Like snakes, rats have been unfairly maligned by our culture for a long time, even though they are very social with their colonies, smart, affectionate, and generally good beans. Finally, male pet rats are known far and wide as the lazier of the sexes while the girls are super curious and adventurous.

Somehow his tartan pattern becomes either his colour scheme or his coat/feather pattern.

Eurasian eagle owl. A big, unapologetic grump of an owl that is soft as soft can be underneath. Possessor of the glare to end all glares to be used in such dire situations as being interrupted when reading or being told one has "had enough cake".

[meltingheartsandcores]

Yoooo your new fic is so cool!! How will lwj react to finding out about his daughter?

So, when I wrote the story, I had no idea, hence why I ended it there. But I was thinking on how to answer this last night, and ended up writing an entire second chapter at like one am. And then editted it through my Bio lecture (which was not my best idea but it’s just a kahoot quiz rn so not that bad of idea) but also means it’s lightly editted at best, sorry.

Oh and for Daiyu’s characters, I’ve lost the file that initially had them, but I’m like 80% sure they were 黛玉 which should be Dark Jade if I’m not wrong.

Anyways, hope you enjoy the story, I’ve put this under a read more because it’s long, lol.

Lan Wangji was not happy when Lan Xichen revealed that they did not know where Wei Wuxian was. Nie Mingjue was not happy with Lan Wangji pouting, so Lan Xichen had to stop several attempts of just telling Lan Wangji the school they had picked the kids up at yesterday and the park.

Just because they found out about Daiyu that way, does not mean Wangji has to. In Lan Xichen’s opinion at least. Truly it was up to Wei Wuxian.

So, while Nie Mingjue was cooking breakfast, Lan Xichen texts Wei Wuxian a very simple;

Wangji is here. Would you like to see him?

The question feels a little ridiculous to ask, after all they had just cleared up a major misunderstanding, the only reason Lan Xichen was aware of that they broke up, why wouldn’t Wei Wuxian want to see Lan Wangji? Then again, it has been five years. While Wei Wuxian asked after Lan Wangji’s relationship status, he gave nothing of his own. Aside from the fact that he was living with Wen Qing.

Who, to Lan Xichen’s knowledge, Wei Wuxian hadn’t been all that close to before they had broken up. And considering he was told the Wens moved away from the city barely a week after Wei Wuxian left the Jiangs, there wasn’t much time for him to get so attached to move across the country with them.

So, while waiting for Wei Wuxian to text back, Lan Xichen did his best to distract Lan Wangji. Except, Lan Wangji was not having it.

“Xiongzhang,” Oh that tone was not good. “If Wei Ying does not wish to see me, just tell me.” Lan Wangji asks, sounding serious but looking, to Lan Xichen at least, like if he did as asked he would be breaking Lan Wangji’s heart.

“I’m sure Wei Wuxian wishes to see you. The problem is, is that this is now rather fresh for him. And there are some things he’s told me that make me concerned to just, point you in his vague direction.” Lan Xichen explains since, yes, it was odd for him to be restraining Lan Wangji. In their teenage years Lan Xichen all but pushed Lan Wangji to hang out with Wei Wuxian. And sometimes he did, actually physically push Lan Wangji to hang out with Wei Wuxian.

“He disappeared five years ago without a word.” Lan Wangji states, reminding himself of that oddity before asking, “What happened?”

And the conversation Lan Xichen did not want to have. “After he left the Jiang family, he came to the house to spend the night as he hadn’t expected to be kicked out so soon. You were out with me,” Lan Wangji nods, remembering the night he very much did not want to spend out of the house, “so Uncle answered the door. He told Wei Wuxian you wanted nothing to do with him, and to never contact the Lan family again.” Lan Xichen admits, wincing when Lan Wangji’s eyes go coldly furious. “Of course, this is only what Wei Wuxian has told me, I have not had the chance to hear what Uncle has to say on this.” Lan Xichen reminds, but it didn’t matter. Lan Wangji cared about what Wei Wuxian heard, not what their Uncle meant all those years ago. It does, at this point, seem more important. Even if Uncle hadn’t said so in so many words, it did result in Wei Wuxian disappearing for five years with Lan Wangji’s daughter.

“You should speak to him.” Lan Wangji states coldly, clearing meaning for Lan Xichen to get an explanation that does not result in Lan Wangji dropping contact with all of them and moving in with Wei Wuxian.

Lan Xichen’s not entirely sure that’s not going to happen anyways, considering Daiyu.

Thankfully, Lan Xichen’s phone goes off with an alert, and he’s relieved to see Wei Wuxian texted him back, and the message also relieves, a little.

What the fuck. How the fuck did he get here. I’m not kidding, the trains don’t run overnight here, it’s literally impossible for him to be here. What the fuck. Oh, but, send him to the Starbucks. There’s literally only one in the town so. I’ll meet him there at 10

The idea of going to Starbucks makes Lan Xichen want to send Wangji to the park, but he ignores it and instead repeats the place and time, and Lan Wangji immediately gets on his phone to get a cab to the city. Lan Xichen could offer to drive Lan Wangji himself, or even their car, but he wants some time with Nie Mingjue. And he wants their car at their place tomorrow morning, which if all goes well, Lan Wangji will not be returning to the cabin.

So he lets Lan Wangji leave in a cab.

--

Lan Wangji will admit his actions the previous night were illogical. And rude. First he hung up on his brother, then he ran out on his Uncle without a word (although considering what Lan Xichen told him, he doesn’t feel bad about it anymore) and paid a lot of money to be taken to the rather remote town Wei Wuxian had decided to live in. But now that he knows where Wei Wuxian was, how close he was, he was more than eager. He had been looking for Wei Wuxian for the past five years, never with any success. He had never been sure what had caused Wei Wuxian to leave without a word before, always thought to the weeks previous for anything he’d done. Now that he knows the truth...

He wishes he never agreed to go out with Lan Xichen that night.

But he cannot change the past. All he can do is cherish and love Wei Wuxian now.

Even if that means going to Starbucks.

Lan Wangji pays the cab and walks up to the Starbucks. He can’t help the face he makes, the places are always too loud for him, and it’s a show of excess that makes him twitch. Wei Wuxian always liked them, so he always made an effort to at least tolerate the places, but he couldn’t help the cringe.

Of course, the cringe drops from his face as he hears a familiar bark of laughter, snapping his head to the side to see Wei Wuxian. Looking the same as ever. No. Not the same. Older. More lines, more age, but no less beautiful. With a bling bright smile, “What’s with Lans and Starbucks?” Wei Wuxian asks laughing.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji whispers, before processing the question and answering, “You know our principles, do you not think it’s the opposite of everything we value?”

Wei Wuxian shrugs, tilting his head to the side, “I guess. Counterpoint, their Frappuccino’s are delicious.”

“Excessive amounts of sugar.” Lan Wangji counters, feeling sixteen again and like lecturing Wei Wuxian on what those drinks will do to his health.

“Hey, some sugar is good. Besides, I don’t think I ever got you to try their Matcha Frapp.” Wei Wuxian says, grabbing Lan Wangji’s arm and dragging him into the Starbucks.

“Why.”

“Why not?” There was the smile again, bright and beautiful.

And Lan Wangji couldn’t argue. This Starbucks was quieter, than the ones Wei Wuxian would drag him to years ago, Wei Wuxian orders quickly for them both, and Lan Wangji did nothing but stare.

“Aiyah, Lan Zhan, what’s with the staring?” Wei Wuxian asks after noticing while waiting for their drinks, an amused smile gracing his lips.

Lan Wangji debates his answer, he could say many things, most would probably make Wei Wuxian blush, but in the end he decides on, “Worried Wei Ying will disappear again.”

Wei Wuxian huffs a laugh, “Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying shakes his head, and then his smile drops, which makes Lan Wangji furrow his brow, “So, how much did Lan Xichen tell you?”

“He told me you were here. And what Uncle said. Which was untrue.” Lan Wangji states, not sure what else there was to say. Perhaps how Wei Wuxian chose this place?

Wei Wuxian chuckles, “Yeah, Lan Xichen made that clear yesterday.” Wei Wuxian scratches his nose three times, clearly thinking about something, considering his next actions. Normally it would predate a prank, but Lan Wangji has the distinct feeling Wei Wuxian is not going to be pulling pranks right now. “So, he just said that?” Lan Wangji nods, becoming confused. “Let’s wait for our drinks.” Wei Wuxian decides, confusing Lan Wangji further, but all he does is nod. For now, he’s fine with Wei Wuxian setting the pace.

When they get their drinks and sit down, Lan Wangji eyes his green frapp with contention, only taking a sip when prompted by Wei Wuxian. It wasn’t, terrible. He still didn’t like it. But it was better than the other frapps Wei Wuxian has had him try over the years.

He still didn’t drink more beyond that sip.

Wei Wuxian sighs and sips at his drink a little, before setting it aside, “Well, I suppose I can’t do this the same way I did it with Lan Xichen and Dage.” Lan Wangji furrows his brow slightly, becoming confused once more. “Not unless you’re willing to wait five hours.” Lan Wangji shakes his head, he was not in the mood to be waiting today. Not for long. He’s finally seeing Wei Wuxian again. Wei Wuxian nods, “Didn’t think so. Uh, so. How to say this...”

“You say what you are thinking.” Lan Wangji states, almost on reflex, having said it to Wei Wuxian so many times when they were together, when Wei Wuxian was having trouble putting words to his thoughts.

“I’m thinking how to tell you I was pregnant without breaking your brain.” Wei Wuxian retorts, clearly on reflex, as he always would when Lan Wangji would make that remark. Normally it allowed for Lan Wangji to assist in phrasing, as while Wei Wuxian was better at conversational talking than Lan Wangji, he also typically just trailed off and made half sentences he expected the people around him to understand. While Lan Wangji would consider his words until he knew exactly what he was going to say. Making it easier sometimes, for Lan Wangji to assist.

This time however.

Lan Wangji blinks.

Once.

Pregnant.

Twice.

Pregnant

Thrice.

‘Wei Ying was pregnant when he left.’

Four times.

“And I broke you, shit.” Lan Wangji was not truly paying attention to Wei Wuxian, he should be. Now more than ever. But he can’t.

‘Wei Ying and I had a child.’

‘Wei Ying and I have a child’

No. Maybe not. Wei Wuxian could've- “Did you keep it?” Legally, Wei Wuxian wouldn't have been able to abort without Lan Wangji's permission. But then, legality has never been a concern to Wei Wuxian for all Lan Wangji has known him.

Wei Wuxian blinks, clearly caught off guard by the question. “Uh, yeah. Her name is Daiyu, she’s four. Turning five. In a couple of months actually.”

“Daiyu.” Lan Wangji repeats, nodding, it’s a nice name. She’s four. “May I meet her?” Did Wei Wuxian want him in her life? Did he want Lan Wangji in his? Maybe he met someone else? Maybe what Uncle said stuck with him hard enough that he doesn’t want anything to do with Lan Wangji anymore.

“Well. She’s at school. Well, not school. Qing-jie said she could start next year if she really wants to, but four is too young.” Wei Wuxian shrugs, “I didn’t start school til I was nine so, I don’t really have an opinion. Or, I don’t get one.” That felt wrong. But Lan Wangji has not being helping Wei Wuxian, so, he also does not get an opinion. He thinks. “But there are these activities that go on at the school. From eight to eleven, and then from twelve to three. Technically she’s too young for those too, but the organizer is scared of Qing-jie, so, she’s allowed.” Wei Wuxian nods, “Our daughter is terrifyingly smart Lan Zhan. She might take over the world.”

“She will deserve it.”

“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian exclaims, “You cannot endorse your daughter taking over the world.”

“If she can do it, why shouldn’t she?”

Wei Wuxian’s mouth moves, clearly intent on saying something but nothing comes out but a bark of laughter, “Holy shit. Wen Qing is never going to believe me being the sane parent. What the fuck.”

Ah, too much? He does have four years to make up for. Besides, why shouldn’t he support their daughters business ventures? Or would this be politics? Ah, it would be politics. In that case, “Not until she is at least fourteen.”

“...You’re so going to be the soft parent.” Was Wei Wuxian’s only comment. Then he checks his phone and stands up, “We should start walking over to the school. You can meet Daiyu, and we’ll see if she took our conversation last night to heart.”

Lan Wangji furrows his brow slightly at that, standing as well. Did, Did Daiyu not have a high opinion of him? No, of course she wouldn’t. No matter what Wei Wuxian said, he has been absent. Wei Wuxian chucks both their drinks, which seems like a horrible waste but Lan Wangji was not about to suggest he actually finish that drink, so he follows Wei Wuxian out without comment.

“Does she not like me?” Lan Wangji asks as Wei Wuxian leads them to the school.

Wei Wuxian hums, “It’s not that. It’s just, ok, for the past five years, it’s been the general belief that you essentially had your Uncle break up with me for you in like, the shittiest way. So, in general the Wens aren’t the Lans biggest fans. After Lan Xichen explained what actually happened, the adults are all coming around. Daiyu seemed to be also, but it might still take a while. I mean, yesterday she thought you wanted nothing to do with her.”

“Incorrect.” Lan Wangji would never not want anything to do with his child. He only wishes he had known about her sooner.

Wei Wuxian snorts, “Yeah, explained it to her last night. We shall see if she remains unconvinced.”

He hopes not. He would like to meet her. He would like to help raise her. He should move out here. “If Daiyu is amicable, how do you feel about me moving out here?” He should ask. It might be overstepping. They did break up five years ago, technically.

Wei Wuxian blinks, clearly surprised, “Ah, to spend time with Daiyu? I don’t know how your uncle would feel if you moved out here, maybe you could use the Nie’s cabin every few weeks, for visitation? That way you could still work, and meet people.”

Why would Lan Wangji want to meet people? He hates people. Wait. Lan Wangji considers the words, coming to the conclusion that it was a euphemism. But for- Oh. Ew. “No people. Only Wei Ying.”

Now Wei Wuxian was surprised and confused, and he chuckles awkwardly, “Lan Zhan, it’s been five years.”

“It’s only ever been Wei Ying.” Lan Wangji affirms, then, softer, “If Wei Ying no longer wishes for a relationship...” it would hurt, but he would get over it.

(He would not. He would spend his decades with the bunnies Wei Wuxian got him writing sappy love songs. As he’s been doing for five years. Although, in those decades, he might actually relent to Nie Huaisang’s plans of recording and selling those songs.)

Thankfully Wei Ying shakes his head, “Ah no! That’s not-” Wei Ying nods, and steals Lan Wangji’s wording, “Only Lan Zhan.”

It makes Lan Zhan smile softly, entirely entranced by Wei Wuxian, entirely in love with the man in front of him.

When they arrive at the school, there are children running about the front area on the grass. “Oh, they must’ve let out early. We still have ten minutes.” Wei Wuxian comments idly. Lan Wangji was curious as to what he planned for them to do for ten minutes, but that was moot now. Instead, Wei Wuxian was scanning the yard, presumably for Wei Daiyu. Eventually he seems to find her since he makes several ‘come over’ motions.

Soon enough a small child barrels into Wei Wuxian’s legs. “Oof. Nice to see you again too.” Wei Wuxian jokes, smiling down at their daughter.

Daiyu doesn’t look at Wei Wuxian, instead, still clinging to Wei Wuxian’s leg, she turns her head slightly to look at Lan Wangji. Lan Wangji’s breath catches in his throat, she had Wei Wuxian’s nose and chin. He crouches down to be on her level. “I am Lan Wangji, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Wei Daiyu.”

Wei Wuxian snorts, “You don’t need to be formal with your own daughter Lan Zhan. A-Yu,” Wei Wuxian puts a hand on Daiyu’s back, making the young girl look up at him, “this is your A-Die.”

Daiyu returns her gaze to Lan Wangji, “Why are you here now?”

“I was told where you were.” Lan Wangji states truthfully.

“How come you didn’t look for us?” Daiyu demands.

“I did.” Lan Wangji admits, making Wei Wuxian stop, blinking in shock, “But your A-Niang is very good at disappearing.”

Daiyu seemed to consider before nodding, accepting that answer, “Are you staying?”

“If you’ll let me. If you want me here, I will be here for you, for the rest of my life.” Lan Wangji promises.

Lan Wangji worries, for a moment, that they were the wrong words as tears well up in Daiyu’s eyes, but then she was in his arms, burying her face in his shirt, soaking it with tears and snot- not that Lan Wangji minded- telling him he was never allowed to leave. Lan Wangji wraps his arms around his daughter, holding her close with a soft smile on his face.

So, they were the right words.

Lan Wangji smiles up at Wei Wuxian, who seemed utterly relieved and happy, just smiling softly at the pair, Lan Wangji knows he still irrevocably in love with Wei Wuxian, and seeing him like this makes him confident that Wei Wuxian still loves him. With that, Lan Wangji knows with absolution, that he's moving out here.

Whether he tells anyone is still up for debate.

[hhjs]

rewind, revive. (all that we are.)

pairing. — kim sunwoo x reader.

genre. — angst.

alternatively. — wherein letting go is all but a reminder of why he seemed to hold on.

mystery trope!

word count. — 2.8 k

note. — inspired the nbhd's 'wdywfm' and 'reflections'. (impacting characters exactly in that order of the songs.) this is unedited so bear with me lmao

Regret is a funny thing.

One can feel it approaching light years before the realisation hits. Like squinting at dim headlights in the distance, before the vehicle picks up pace, before the tires skid against wet gravel, before it finally, finally occurs that it's too late, too late to go back and walk away, to stop oneself from facing the impact head on. From having the air knocked right out of one's lungs.

Sunwoo knows for a fact what he is doing fits that criteria.

Something about the prevailing silence that comes after heated arguments is utterly eerie; being an on and off couple for the longest time indicated that you recognised that much.

"I think we should take a break. Figure things out on our own."

He looks at the little scar you'd gotten from accidentally ramming your toe into the doorframe because you were too excited to see him. (It's healing.) No, that's not right. From this position, sat atop the sofa, when he's holding his head in his palms as your tone rises mid syllable, that's all he can see. No, he can't look at you. He can't look at himself in your eyes now, dropped way below all expectations you held to him once, silhouette of his peeved face in them leaves a rancid emotion inside his belly.

"Is that what you really want?" You ask, this time with a slight hint of surrender in your voice.

Sunwoo wants to say he doesn't exactly know what he wants, what he is feeling, perhaps it's the aftermath of working too hard, taking on too much stress, or so Changmin explained to him earlier that week, he doesn't quite perceive himself as someone who could lament his problems easily - however, it's very clear to him that he is pushing you away, sealing himself off suddenly, missing out on dates, calls and falling short in the department of being his usual affectionate self.

Or maybe, Sunwoo doesn't love you anymore.

What if he's never loved you at all? What if whatever you have is all a resultant of mere infatuation and he was too young to differentiate from the start?

Whatever it is, Sunwoo isn't too sure, but you... obviously notice. He's always finding excuses to distance himself and it's changing you, who you used to be when he fell in love with you. In fact, every day is a constant evidence of just how disconnected your relationship is from how it was in the beginning, in the 'honeymoon stage' or whatever. The way he tenses up when you throw an arm around him every night he plops down against your shared bed too late, only entertaining your comforting words with monosyllabic responses; he seems to test your patience, trying to find your breaking point.

And this is it, he thinks.

What you suggested as an innocent movie night with him, trying to get him to talk to you, about anything, anything at all, soon took a bad turn when you reached out to interlock your arms and he found himself brushing you off.

It was just the same little act that piled and piled atop all of his 'little acts' and this final blow sent everything tumbling down, all at once. The way you stared at your spread out, empty palm as you asked him why he was being like this is an image he finds difficult to forget.

Albeit he doesn't hesitate, asking you to stop nagging him, to stop overreacting. To just leave him alone.

Now, with the weight of his words absent inside, all he senses is blatant emptiness taking refuge in its place, an epiphany that he can't take back what he said.

You don't say a word when Sunwoo's reply comes in the form of an affirmative nod and what's worse, he thinks, is that you don't look surprised.

As if you saw it coming all along.

...

When he agrees to put up with one of the double dates Eric set, it's because his friends are convinced that the relationship has reached a dead end. Sunwoo ignores that idea and indulges in what he perceives as newfound freedom.

Even though the excitement of getting to know someone new is momentary, replaced by a strong underlying feeling that nauseates him. Whenever Sunwoo looks over the candlelight and watches his date smile back at him, it feels like he's doing something wrong. Something hypocritical.

Recently, every day feels the same. Every hour melding into the same old routine. This is boredom, Sunwoo tells himself, though he's positive it's anything but.

It's quite a surprise not having chanced upon you by accident, given years of dating has merged your social circles.

Really, when he thinks about it, Sunwoo's known you for the longest time.

Since he was sure he would fail a calculus pop quiz and he kicked your chair to gather correct answers, you were so shy, innocent and how that sparked a sense of adoration in him for the first time ever, since you ended up becoming best friends in spite of your essentially different personalities. Sunwoo tries to remember the exact feeling of snowflakes collecting on his cheeks, in your eyelashes, his cool fingers in his pockets, while a street light buzzed overhead - not every detail is clear - but the sight of your beaming face as he timidly confessed his feelings is unmistakable. As time passes, he tries thinking about it more and more, afraid someday he'll look back and miss out the most essential rudiments of the event. Or worse, forget altogether. It's such a distant, fleeting moment that elicits a bittersweet sensation in him. Sweet because some part of him will always be entwined with some part of you, bitter because you were no longer together.

Sunwoo shakes his head, as though the gesture ought to come in assistance in ridding himself of the aforementioned thoughts. He's the one who wanted this whole break thing, right?

He pushes his trolley around, leans on the handle like he used to as a kid and paces up through empty lanes after looking around to see that the seven eleven store is mostly empty. He successfully breezes through aisles and throws in packaged kimbap, frozen fried rice and crisps to his trolley; and then, suddenly, a juice extract shelf in the distance catches his eye.

Sunwoo focuses his vision and marks his next destination, all the while imitating low humming of a makeshift engine with his mouth.

But of course, much to his dismay, his trolley jams right into another that approached out of the aisle to his side that he hadn't kept an eye on in moving only forward.

He mutters a string of quiet apologies, bowing briefly and hoping to God that the person hadn't heard him swear under his breath. "It's alright."

Sunwoo looks up and blinks curiously recognition washing over him.

It's only been a few weeks but the sight of your face, the real thing, not instagram photos, not the ones in his money bag or photo frames in his drawer, hits him with the force of a bullet train.

Your face is bare, shadows splattered against your forehead and the tip of your nose because you're wearing his - and he only realises now - ridiculously big, pink bucket hat, a hand casually positioned into a jacket pocket, there's something so endearing about this.

"Hey." Sunwoo says.

"Hey."

You stare at him for a good second and then as if realising something, you blink rapidly, fishing out a pear extract juice to dump it in his trolley. "Here."

It is an unspoken gesture, to relay that you still remember what he likes and what he doesn't like, that you've unraveled the likes of Sunwoo, excavated all the little, measly, trivial quirks, secrets and lies buried deep inside the cavity of his chest.

"Thanks." Sunwoo just stares, entranced.

It is only when he's back home, nuzzled into the comfort of his favourite blanket that still smells a little like you, does he realise he misses you.

...

"I don't care."

Sunwoo thinks he means it, like this, when he has a hoodie pulled over his head and balances a controller with great expertise, looking perfectly unfazed by Chanhee's comment about whether or not he should invite you to his party, it almost sounds true. "I just wanna see them." He settles. Time apart only reminded him just how impatient he could be when he wanted something and wasn't getting it immediately. He is seeing clearly, you're the only constant in the overwhelming vicissitudes of his life, the only one who saw him at his worst as you did at his best and stayed. That comfort, that very familiarity, is far better than the infamous honeymoon stage or any stage, for that matter.

Sunwoo realises that now. Even if it's just a little late.

Rolling his eyes, Chanhee pushes a grocery bag containing the former's snack and tears open a packet of honey crisps.

Prior to this confession, no matter how much Sunwoo insisted that he was fine, that his stare didn't linger every time he mistook a stranger for you, that he definitely didn't pretend to do the dishes even though he refused to do the chore under any other circumstances just to overhear his friends talking about a new event in your life, or just... about you, Chanhee doesn't believe him.

In retrospect, no one does. But Chanhee is least discreet about it.

"I don't suppose that's a good idea..." He pauses, swallowing, "What if things go south?"

Beneath an act of trying to untie the grocery bag, Sunwoo contemplates that he doesn't know how to respond to this inquiry, he had pictured your next meeting many a times, prepped himself to do or say very particular things, the way you always made up, time and time again forgiving each other in spite of all obstacles in your way, to a point where you friends got tired of you going back and forth, convinced that you could never really break up... - no, he is sure nothing can change, that's a blatant impossibility, Sunwoo knows you and you know him. No matter how much he fucks up - you know he'll always come back to you.

That's how it has always been.

"Figures, huh?"

Sunwoo scoffs, noting the way his friend's expression morphes to a confused furrowing of brows. He holds the yellow classic salted packet up instead whilst wrinkling his nose more than necessary, knowing the remark would prompt Chanhee to get annoyed and forget all about his own remark. “You got the wrong flavour again.”

The older male crumples a crisp in his palm and flicks it at Sunwoo.

The answer is simple, he'll never know if he never tries. Love is not chance but a decision, love is a choice, isn't it?

Well, Sunwoo chose you, he chooses you. He'll choose you over and over again.

...

"Can we talk?"

You nod slowly, a sigh escaping your parted lips. An expression on your face that Sunwoo can't put a finger on. But he doesn't have to, not when you comply so easily, joining him out into the balcony divorced from the apartment rife with noise and evidence of inebriation.

You lean over the railing, your eyes travelling far off into the impossibly dark scenery, the silence is imbued with a vague sense of eerie, the kind that ensues before something terrible happens.

All Sunwoo can think about is how beautiful you are. Suddenly, he feels guilty - see, he can't remember the last time he appreciated you, showered you with accolades you most certainly deserve. He mimics your position, turning his head slightly to take in every detail. Committing it all to memory. Things are different now. You look different.

Last time he saw you, he could map out the swollen quality of your eyes, nails bitten and chipped, the little characteristics that gave away you weren't doing well. Now, there's an indescribable glow to your face, something under the perfectly dolled up look, the red beret on your head, matched with an utterly fabulous coat that guards you from cool autums.

It's a new outfit. The discomfort is newer.

"You look great." He finally speaks and it's not the best way to start a conversation that's dangling by its last finger, akin to an inexperienced acrobat - he doesn't know what is.

You chuckle. "Is that what you wanted to say?"

"N-no...I just.." he pauses, the words all bundling up on his tongue into one big mess of sentences that don't make any sense. When you finally look at him, leaning back on your elbows now, Sunwoo gulps, this isn't a figment of his imagination, no, this is real. It's now or never. "I'm sorry." He starts, the mere utterance of those words seem to spark no change in your appearance. As if you're waiting for him to continue. Right now, apologies just aren't good enough. "This whole thing was so stupid. Baby I-I know I fucked up but... I love you. Okay? I promise I'll do anything to make it up to you. Whatever you want."

You stare at him for a long second, just letting his words sink in but also just seemingly allowing yourself to think. Then you push yourself up, standing straighter. "You dont have to." You say simply, a hint of finality laced into your tone. All Sunwoo finds himself thinking is how you don't reciprocate, uttering the same I love you like you always did. Out of habit.

He curls his fingers into fists, knuckles whitening and whitening under the strain. His vision is a blurring film against which you look like a faint silhouette, secluded by rivulets of raindrops racing down windows. It's embarrassing, how he feels, all those bubbling emotions reduced to that of a child being denied his favourite candy.

"W-What is that supposed to mean?" He blinks, finding that you're staring at your spread out palms. Like they're evidence for something you've done.

"Sunwoo." You say. It sounds like a warning, like a don't get any closer. "I don't like who I become when I'm with you."

At this point, Sunwoo just listens. In his mind, he hadn't foreseen this. He knew it wouldn't be easy, he knew he had to try his best but...this...losing you... that was out of question. Right?

No, he tells himself, he'll fix it, he'll get it together.

"You know, I was really angry at you for breaking up with me...but it was probably for the best." You produce a garbled laugh, lifting your face skyward, looking up at the glossy layers of pollution, of purplish clouds and the barely there moon behind, like you're reading off sentences from them. Sunwoo stares at you, he wants to reach out and trace the curves of your face without thinking twice, without holding back. "We did need time to think... and it made me realise that I've always loved you more than you've ever loved me. Heck, even more than I loved myself...and... I can't be that version of me again." You sniffle, "That's not love... That's devotion."

"Hey, don't say that!" He drags his fingers up from the railing and reaches out to touch your elbow, "Come on...we-we can work it out. We always do." These words , they come out all choked up and hoarse.

You stiffen up at the sound, "You're not listening to me." You shrug him off, adamantly piloting your gaze to linger away from him, your back's turned away from him but then you pause, just slightly looking over your shoulder and your gaze softens at the sight of him using his sleeve to dab at his cheeks. The gesture makes him feel hopeful, just for a second. 

Then you sigh, shaking your head, "Don't you get it?" You say, "We can't fix this...we can't fix each other.

Inexplicably, he thinks of a perfect world, where he could go back just once, where it all started, everything before, holding his head in his hands and the little scar on your toe and is that what you really want?

This time, Sunwoo would mutter a quick no. He'd flick on the television and snuggle into your side, talking mindlessly about something that makes you laugh.  To forget all about the stupid argument.

But in reality, he lets your words ricochet off of the walls, listening to the transient beats of music pouring into the balcony when you slide the door open to let yourself out. 

It shuts.

Everything goes quiet.

And this soundlessness, this solitude, he knows this, he's heard this, he's seen this, he's felt this, this... this is final,

 this is goodbye.