#it really bothers me how Alec’s parents never bring this up and only Magnus does | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thechangeling · 4 years ago

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Ok so a conversation @littlx-songbxrd and I were having made me remember something I was ranting about to a friend of mine once.

Brace yourselves this is going to be long. I'm sorry.

The sexism, homophobia and racism of the shadoworld straight up doesn't make sense and here's why. So if we start chronologically with the infernal devices. There is sexism towards Charlotte right? People don't want her running the institute and they don't want her becoming the consul because she is a woman. But the Clave has no problem letting women train and fight. This doesn't really make sense in my opinion.

Now you could argue that it's because they believe woman can be string capable fighters just not rational thinkers. Which is weird because in my experience you don't meet a lot of people who are "partially sexist" in that way. Like if a man believes a woman can't do high profile, high paying jobs then they usually also don't want them in the military. Anyways moving on, there aren't any mentions of homophobia in TID, mostly because they're arent any queer characters except Magnus and Woolsey.

But something interesting to point out is that none of the characters who know about Magnus and Woolsey ever comment on it really. And following this point, none of the mains display any signs of misogyny either really. (Except for what Will says to Tessa at the end of CA but that was because of the "curse.") You could argue that this is because they're the protagonists so they are supposed to be better then that. But accidental microaggressions are pretty common especially during that time period. More on that later.

Moving onto racism, this is the interesting part. Jem says to Tessa that shadowhunters believe that you are a shadowhunter first and your nationality or eace second. Actually Jem doesnt mention race but he says this while talking about being half Chinese so it's kinda relevant. Shadowhunters rarely tall about race throughout the books in general except for a few instances. When Jessamine criticizes Jem to Tessa, she calls him a foreigner and says some other racist shit that I can't really remember. Something about the yin fin and calling him lazy. That directly contradicts Jem's statement about them all being shadowhunters first. Also Will and Jem actually constantly talk about being Welsh and Chinese in the books so that statement is kinda bogus in general.

And if CC didn't want her mains being sexist or homophobic to show them as good people then why was it ok for both Jesse and Gabriel to say questionable shit about Jem? Anyways moving on to TLH. Sexism is still running rampid with their cultural customs and people being shitty about Charlotte being consul. Bots have to ask the girls to dance, girls cannot have sex before marriage or else they will be ruined or whatever you know the drill. But again, they let the girls fight. Cordelia is allowed to carry around a giant ass sword but she can't get some????

IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE CASSANDRA!!!!!

Sorry I'm losing it. Anyways. Regarding racism. Alastair and Cordelia have experienced micro aggressions from the mains (Matthew and Anna) but it's never addressed. I'm pretty sure if memory serves, the inquisitor makes a nasty comment under his breath about persians when the Carstairs family sans Elias arrive. And then we have the whitewashing of Ariadne/Kamala by her parents.

But none of this stuff ever gets brought up really. Exceot for Kamala talking about her past and who she was before and sharing her original name, but she still doesn't talk about how it effects her potential coming out. Alastair doesnt mention race when he talks about the bullying he went through at the academy and none of the white characters ever stop to think about how Kamala and Alastsir's races play a part in their crappy situations.

There's probably more I could discuss with this but I'm moving on to homophobia. It's a thing in terms of the heteronormativity and people's judgement of Anna but it's not illegal like in mundane societies at this time. But all of the mains are totally cool with it which brings me to, I'm sorry but fucking bullshit! There is no way every single adult would be totally fine with it in this time period. Like I'm not saying outright homophobia but maybe some questionable comments you know? (CC is perpetuating this idea that good people never commit microaggressions which is untrue and harmful.)

I don't think there's any mention of whether or not gay marriage is allowed in the shadowhunter world at this point. Because the issues surrounding Magnus and Alec getting married were about Magnus being a warlock right? Because Helen and Aline got married before them in TFTSA because she was only half fae. So that brings me to when was gay marriage legalized in the shadow world?????

Is there any mention of this because I don't think there is? Anyways moving onto TMI. This is where everything goes to absolute shit in terms of world building with the standards for these things. Misogyny isn't really a problem in tmi anymore from what I remember. Nobody has issues with Jia as consul (from what I remember,) and that's that. But homophobia is still rambid throughout shadowhunter society so much so that Alec is terrified to come out because he believes that he can't be gay and be a shadowhunter in peoples eyes. Also there is pressure to "carry on the family name" which doesn't make sense because if the sexism has died out then women can have babies with whoever and not even be married and carry on their family line. And not everyone needs to have children, ergo there is less pressure on the sons to carry on the family name or whatever. This also doesn't make sense because homophobia literally cannot exist without sexism!!!!

This is because of colonial gender roles being forced on society. And men being with men and women being with woman totally smashes the whole gender roles, "woman do this and men do that" idea. There's more that I could say on that but this is already so freaking long so please just look it up. And speaking of gender roles it's literally mentioned that Maryse didn't teach Izzy to cook because she didn't want her to be forced into a housewife role like she was (although there's no evidence to suggest she was?) But then Maryse is lowkey homophobic?

It doesn't make sense Cassandra!!!!!

CC doesn't get that you literally don't have homophobia or transphobia without sexism. Indigenous societies pre-colonization didn't care about any of that stuff. Literally two spirit people were revered and respected and no one gave a fuck about gender until my ancestors literally came along and ruined everything. (I'm so sorry.)

But anyways there's no mentions of racism amongst the shadowhunters in tmi. Just Maia talking about her experiences with mundane society as a black girl. When Clary confronts Valentine and basically calls him a n*zi, he laughs at her and basically says that shadowhunters don't see race the way mundanes do which yikes @ CC. Granted this was 2007. This kind of sounds like what Jem said in TID. Only it clearly wasnt true.

Anyways I'm just super confused at this point. In TDA there was basically nothing in terms of all the isms and phobias. (Oh we arent even discussing ableism because my fucking head will explode!) But we do discuss transphobia a bit with Diana. But again it doesn't make fucking sense because transphobia exists because of sexism and clear gender roles (and homophobia.)

Society is still shown to be pretty heteronormative though which I guess makes sense but the Blackthorns have multiple queers in their family! You would think that they would be less so. When Livvy mentions all the reasons that Annabel could have a forbidden love she doesnt even think to mention that it could be a lesbian relationship. When Mark finds out that Jaime was in Dru's room he freaks out but I guarentee you, he wouldn't have if Jaime was a girl. I mean you could argue that it's an age thing and not a gender thing but idk. That scene always bothered the fuck out of me. Because Mark is literally half fae like why is he caught up on bullshit "boys and girls can't just be friends" hetero bullshit.

In QOAAD we see Dane Larksoear being sexist so randomly for no reason. Like it's so strange because CC literally created a caricature of a sexist villian with him. And it makes no sense because no one else seems to feel the way he does. Like Zara is basically the leader of the cohort right? And nobody gives a fuck. It makes no damn sense Cassandra!

And finally, why is the faerie world sexist with gender roles WHEN EVERYONE IS LITERALLY BISEXUAL AND THEY'RE FAERIES CASSANDRA!!!???? THEY'RE LITERALLY FAERIES WHY IS THERE A CONCEPT OF GENDER AT ALL CASSANDRA????!!!!

Ok lol now I'm done. Sorry this is so long. But yeah I'm so confused.

Tldr: CC's world building in regards to sexism, homophobia, racism and transphobia is very inconsistent and contradictory and it makes no damn sense.

#tsc #tda #the dark artifices #tlh #twp #the wicked powers #the last hours #tmi #tid #tw mentions of transphobia #tw mentions of racism #tw mentions of homophobia #tw mentions of sexism #anti cc #long post

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years ago

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I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOUR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST IDEA. But may I also propose: Magnus cursed from a young age (probably bc of Asmodeus) that anyone who touches him is hurt by a blast of magic he can't control. (This may result in his mother's death). He locks himself away of his own will. Alec teaches then that it's fear that makes him lash out. Featuring: touch starved Magnus.

this idea is GENIUS actually and i love it. tbh me and my friend have a similar idea that we talk to each other about (lol) but it isn't a B&B thing, its more of an adventure AU. anyway, lets go!

so in this universe i guess magnus banished asmodeus like in the original sh verse but asmodeus cursed him with the "everyone you touch will be in indescribable pain" thing. maybe just as revenge, maybe to try and use it as bargaining chip because okay magnus, is it freedom that u want? u want to be able to have ur own friends and ur own life? fine. get me back, and ill leave u alone, and ull be free to have friends again. if not, ull be still isolated just like before. so is it gonna be win-win, or lose-lose?

but magnus doesn't budge because he knows that if he lets asmodeus free things will only get worse not only for him, but for the whole world. he is too dangerous to be out there. so, magnus resigns to his fate

and i guess in this version he wouldnt have a lot of close friends because he had been with asmodeus his whole life before he was cursed, so he was just. alone in his self-imposed isolation with no one to talk to. maybe he enchants the furniture so they gain sentience but they can't really feel pain, so at least he has someone to talk to. god im so fucking sad already

so is the furniture his friends in canon? im not entirely sure how i feel about that but also the idea of ragnor as that clock from the original movie is great. thats my most important thought on the subject ngl

btw its 4 degrees Celsius in here so im typing with gloves on so ull have to excuse my typos i am a mere brazilian and i want death

anyway okay so i guess his friends are like pieces of furniture that he spelled into sentience and they aren't his servants or anything cuz that's gross but they just like, hang out. wow im actually managing to type pretty well all things considered

so at least magnus has people to talk to but he's still touch starved because you know... a clock can't hug you and that'd just be weird. maybe them becoming sentient was an accident? lmao like magnus just wanted to automate some functions like having the clock talk to tell him the time or something and it turned out that they became sentient. possibly his magic is a little fucky because of the curse so that's why that happened? or maybe he just is way more powerful than he realizes and we all know he invented the spells he used to try and automate the things anyway. but if he gets people to talk to, well, he's not complaining

im focusing too much on this. anyway. id also like to note that im making rapha the cook/stove thing because i mean, come on. it's right there

and ok i guess alec comes into this because he uhhhhhh no u know i might go with that izzy thing. so izzy ran away from home because of maryse's bullshit and alec was sent to bring her back. so he was going after her but in the middle of the path there was the whole wolf attack thing that scared off his horse and LUCKILY magnus' house/tower/whatever was right next!!! so of course they take alec and his horse in but also WHOOPS there's a huge snowstorm that lasts for days (par the course for where magnus lives, actually. he DID want somewhere people would avoid. but also i think maybe his magic being fucky has something to do with it) so i guess alec is stuck at magnus' for the foreseeable future

which is HELL for magnus because he is terrified out of his mind that they will accidentally touch and alec will be hurt. and like.... his Constant Crave For Touch is already bad on a regular day, but having someone who could actually hug him in theory just makes it worse, you know? he hasn't interacted with other human beings in so long, just having one there is enough to make his need for touch almost unbearable and just... completely constant. it's hell

so magnus is scared, which means that he keeps to himself. so he tells alec not to go into his room, he tries not to eat at the same time, and other stuff like that, bUT his friends keep sabotaging his plans because they want him to have another friend, jesus christ!! (rapha being like "come on now magnus, you don't want my soup to get cold, do you? i'll be deeply offended. i guess you have no choice but to eat with alec". so magnus goes but the first thing he does is magic his regular table into a gigantic rectangular table with 41908410 seats and seat on on the side opposite to alec. alec just sighs

so like he's constantly coming across as rude because he is trying to avoid alec, alec just doesn't know why

but alec is also a stubborn bitch who goes stir crazy and refuses to just sit around isolated doing nothing while they wait for the stupid storm to finally be over so he can go get his sister. and magnus saved his life, so it's the least he can do to repay him in some way. besides, this is what, the first time that he's been completely away from his mom? for such a long time too? and he's finding that he feels... weirdly free and just relieved and he doesn't want to waste that opportunity with standing idly around alone all day. he had enough of that at home, thank you very much

besides yeah magnus is being rude but alec is used to straight up assholes and abusers (jace. i'm talking about jace. also maryse ofc but mostly jace) and magnus is not that. in fact he makes very polite conversation and is actually pretty fun during dinner, all things considered. he's just.... super private, i guess

AND magnus' friends are all being a nightmare with the making them interact so you know. they end up interacting. and alec makes it a point to help him take care of his house because it is a certified Depression Lair™. magnus can take care of it magically but it's like... so dark and almost suffocating at times and there is stuff like bad painting and piping problems that he never bothered to fix because it isn't affecting the functionality too much but it DOES makes life harder and alec "everything must be at 100% always" lightwood is not here for it so for a few days they are working on fixing the house and... magnus actually feels a lot better when the place has actual sunlight and looks inviting and like a home, he has to admit. when he says that to alec it might be the first time he's given him a real smile and man, is alec smitten

sidenote i guess this means that magnus doesn't exactly... dress well in this au lmaoo i mean it makes sense too because canonically magnus uses dressing up as a way to convey an image of power and untouchability and he doesn't really need that in this AU since he is completely isolated. so i guess he is a bit more like twi magnus - bare-faced and wearing comfortable clothes and the like. this isn't a twi au i'm just saying that it makes more sense for him to dress like that in that context

anyway. after the whole house fixing thing, they officially become friends. it turns out that alec also knows a bit about what it's like to feel isolated and touch-starved (altho he's always had izzy to help in that department, but still) and also what crappy parents are like. magnus shows alec his little mirror that he's enchanted to be able to show him anything he wants and how he uses it to be able to see all the places in the world he'd like to visit - he loves people, he loves culture, and sometimes it's all he can do to watch what's going on in Mumbai and it makes him feel a little better, so, he does that. he also admits that sometimes he catches on some drama happening and uses the mirror to see the people involved and make sure they are okay. kinda like a soap opera of his own but he has the means to interfere and help because of magic, so he will have someone who's struggling with money suddenly find hidden cash or have an "unknown dead relative" give them a lot of money in their will, or something like that. and if he also watches some of their personal drama that unfolds, well. he is lonely and it's not hurting anyone

but magnus doesn't tell him about the curse, and he still makes sure to keep his distance. it stings a little to alec, but it hurts magnus the most because fuck, maybe he just desperately needs someone who will give him the time of day, but he likes this guy and that only makes it harder to keep his distance. he makes it a point to always be at at least two arms length from alec, which alec thankfully respects and doesn't try to get him to breach, but. shit. it's still so hard to not want to just rest his head on his shoulder or get a hug or even fucking touch pinkies like stupid children and he can't. alec even once jokingly suggests that they have a ball since magnus doesn't know how to dance and magnus is actually excited for a second before he remembers that he can't, it would have to mean that alec touches him, and he can't

someone - maybe ragnor - even suggests that maybe he could try gloves and heavy clothing so alec isn't really touching him but magnus refuses to try because he doesn't want to risk it not working and alec getting hurt, because he'd never forgive himself. besides, getting a taste would only make it hurt more. he can't. he can't

but it's alright because at least he has some human company - he loves his friends, he does, fiercely, but it's different when they kind of have no choice but to be with him and also are enchanted creatures. he doesn't even know if they aren't nice to him just because he enchanted them into life, even tho to be fair if he had a choice ragnor wouldn't be that grouchy - and alec makes him laugh and gets him and helped make his place feel more like home, a little bit. and he can pretend that he feels the warmth from alec's body when they are sitting by the fire and feed these crumbs to his desperate need for touch and company

and then the snowstorm ends and it's time for alec to go

honestly, alec himself is kind of heartbroken, but- he loves his sister, and he can't just leave her alone in god knows where, even if he dreads the thought of coming back home now that he's been away from his family for so long. but magnus doesn't want to keep him, and doesn't want alec to feel pity for him, so he's all but pushing alec out of the door (not literally, of course. he can't do that, it would mean touching him) all "go, go, you never know when another storm might start. go see your sister. take my mirror, you can find her more easy". and alec's all "but it's been the only thing-" and magnus waves him off, of course, all "i can always make myself another one. besides, you'll have something to remember me by. now go"

so.... alec goes

and hooo boy magnus is heartbroken and a mess because even tho he knew how much having someone else there helped he had almost forgotten what it was like to be the only human in the house. he just feels extra lonely and even kind of bad about it because hey, his friends are there - not that they begrudge him for it, of course. it's not like they don't also hope for the chance to get out of the house and do other things, but well. they can't. so they understand him. and they know how awful he's feeling right then, but what can they do?

meanwhile alec finds izzy pretty quickly - she's living with this one insufferable villager named clary that alec absolutely can't stand, but- she's happy. and she doesn't want to come back, which alec expected, but he finds that he can't actually insist for her to come back. how could he, when he himself doesn't want to go?

and izzy insists that he stays with her - there's no reason for him to come back. they can stay in the village, and work, and build a life for themselves. alec is the only thing she's been missing ever since she left, and in here the both of them can actually be happy. and do it together, like they're meant to

and when he first gets into the village is the first time since izzy ran away that he was hugged and fuck, it's hard to say no to her

but also... he misses magnus already

and he doesn't know if he can just stay and leave him behind

and of course izzy is like "who is magnus?" so alec tells her the story, how he was attacked by wolves and rescued by this house that miraculously was in the middle of the single most inhospitable placealec had ever seen in his life. and the kind but wary stranger who always keeps his distance but seems so eager for connection, who made alec feel welcome and laugh and feel like he built a life for himself there

and clary tells him that she's heard of the story, but she never knew it was more than a legend - no one really remembers what happened. some say that magnus made a sacrifice to rid the village of a demon, and it turned him into a beast, forever locked in his castle. some say that he himself is the demon, and it's the tower that's containing him and keeping the village safe. some even say that he died battling the demon, and it's his ghost that keeps watch on the tower

she wants alec to explain which one is true, but it's all alec can say that none of these are right and he knows nothing because magnus never told him. all alec knows is that he doesn't want to leave magnus behind

and clary is like... well, if he's not a demon or a ghost, maybe we could bring him to the village too. he has magic, right? he could bring the tower closer. and maybe the other villagers could, you know, visit him and hang out. and he wouldn't be as lonely, and then alec and izzy could both stay

driven by this failproof plan, they decide to go back to magnus and tell him their great idea

except they are IDIOTS and forget about. you know. the damn wolves

and like holy shit is this pack big or what? like no seriously why are there infinite wolves in that one singular pack in beauty and the beast. like holy shit dude there's more wolves near the beast's house than in the whole yellowstone park

anyway there are Many Wolves and while alec is a good archer, izzy is a fantastic fighter, and clary is Fucking Crazy if you give her something stabby, there's only so many wolves they can take on at the same time

good thing magnus is a pining idiot who did in fact make himself another magic mirror and was watching alec with it. so he knows that the dumbass is in trouble and for the first time in years, he uses the portal (his own invention, and he had never gotten to use it before!) to get to them and fight off the wolves

so magnus saves all their lives, at the cost of getting severely injured and passing the fuck out. izzy, who's the one closest, runs to get to him and help put him on one of their horses... and is immediately hit by a blast of magic that almost makes HER pass tf out too

which is when they finally learn that, oh. that is the curse

izzy is fine, of course - the pain ended as soon as she was away from magnus

but it does pose the problem of How The Fuck Are They Getting Him Back To Safety, because they can't exactly wait for magnus to wake up (it's freezing, for starters) but with this amount of pain it won't be physically possible for them to hoist him up and get him on the horse. shit, will the curse work on the horse?

they bring alec's horse (by far the strongest of them because alec is huge buff mcgee) and try to get him to touch magnus and the spell does NOT work on the horse because in order to be dramatic asmodeus was like "you shall never feel human touch again" when he cast the spell, which accidentally gave a LOOPHOLE for non-human animals. so magnus could have had cats the whole time, which he had always dreamed of, but he didnt want to risk testing. besides, his house would be a poor environment for a cat and [self torture noises]

anyway thats one less problem to deal with, 99 to go, so they use some ropes to hoist magnus on top of the horse and bring him back to the tower (it's closer than the village) so they can tend to his wounds. thankfully, as the assigned Big Brother of a very irresponsible izzy, alec has experience with first aid, altho he never really dealt with anything quite this bad. and magnus' friends help, too, as much as they can. inevitably this means that alec ends up touching him even if by accident sometimes, but he knows what to expect so he Powers Through It because he won't let magnus die, damn. and as horrible as that is alec has experience with powering through pain, so. he's gonna bandage him up god damn it

izzy can't stand to see him dealing with that himself tho, so she helps, and clary ends up helping as well because they figure sharing the pain makes it easier and alec doesn't have to be too hurt. minimal touching accidents for alec! good

*narrator voice* And Then Magnus Wakes Up And Alec Hugs Him

full on launches on top of him and brings him into his arms and Magnus screams like NONONO OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING ALEC NO GET OFF ME YOU'LL BE HURT and his shock and distress at the whole thing sends another whole blast of magic that explodes that whole mf before it can touch alec and alec feels no pain and magnus is like.............. did i just COUNTER the spell? and everyone's like well! it looks like u did!

which earns him ANOTHER hug (oh my god alec stop he's so stressed out by this) (who knew alec was so touchy?) and this time he's paying attention to that gut reaction and because magnus is a Certified Magic Genius he realizes what it is that he's doing to counter the spell and immediately starts working on a way to turn this into unhexxing himself for good

which he DOES after some time idk how long but alec stays with him meanwhile and maybe izzy and clary do too, because magnus needs all the company he can get and besides, izzy has always wanted adventure and clary has never left the village before, so this is interesting to them at least. and magnus gets to meet new ppl which is nice

eventually the Begone Spell spell is performed and it works and turns out that when it does that it also unfucks magnus' magic and perfects his sentience spell turning all of his friends into humans WOW WHOD HAVE THOUGHT. so all of them are free to leave the tower as ppl at the same time and GROUP HUG!! and magnus cries like a baby in the group hug because holy shit hes been needing something like this so bad for so long and he never expected to have that with his friends but here he is :)

and then yeah they all move to the village to live a simple but fulfilling life and Magnus and Alec start living together in a little cottage and become husbands the end <3 this is so long too rip me

#sh #shadowhunters #malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #izzy lightwood #lightwood siblings #clizzy if u squint #beauty and the beast au #part 2 i guess lmao #ask #shum-baby #long post #abuse mention

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livsoulsecrets · 4 years ago

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Kit Herondale Fic - Am I Enough?

Summary: Kit wonders if he has what it takes to be the big brother Mina deserves and goes to Alec for some advice, which proves to be really useful.

It was funny, Kit thought as he got up from Magnus’ fancy couch, leaving his parents happily chatting with Jace as he retold some of his favorite memories with Alec. Everyone saw Jace as this untouchable hero, an example of glory and fierceness, even Jace himself thought that, Kit was certain, but nobody was more worth of admiration to Jace than Alec, that much was clear in the way he looked at his parabatai for affirmation every time he spoke in public, the anchoring hand he would always lay on Alec’s shoulder before battle and the softness of the words whispered between them.

Alec was Jace’s hero in every sense of the world. Alec was everything Kit hoped he could be to Mina, little Mina that would hang on to his finger like her life depended on it, who would smile at him every time he picked her up, Mina, who he would die for and live for and do anything and everything for. His light and wild rose, she was so much more than he deserved, but Kit was determined to be exactly who she needed.

That determination is what kept Kit going as he walked into Magnus and Alec’s kitchen, finding the Consul of the Shadowhunters, the highest authority of their people, one of their most skilled and wisest members, with glitter all over his hair and a well-intended, but still tragically messy rainbow on his cheek, courtesy of his son, Rafael, who looked quite proud of himself.

— Yes, now you are ready for the party! — Rafe announces, putting the paint-brush down.

— Thank you for that, I am sure I look... — Alec stops, looking over to Kit, noticing his presence. — Interesting? — He completes, hesitant.

— That is one way to put it. — Kit answers, barely containing a laugh.

— He looks gay! — Rafael says, fiercely, crossing his arms.

— I look what now? — Alec asks, confused, but still entertained.

— You heard the kid. — Kit is laughing now, not being able to help it.

— Gay, dad. Papa told me gay means happy as well! He said you would be gay twice if I made you happy on your birthday! — Rafael explains, looking offended his point wasn’t understood. — I know how much you like my drawings, so I made you a gay one, like the flag we bought last week. — Kit feels like he is intruding a lovely family moment, but he is too touched by Rafe’s dedication to miss the scene. Alec smiles and bows down to kiss his son’s forehead.

— Gracias, hijo. — He says, messing his hair up in sequence. — I do love your drawings and I love you even more. — Rafe smiles back to his dad, pleased with himself. He gets off the table, where he was sitting to be able to paint his dad’s face, and runs to the living room.

— He is adorable, you know. — Kit says and Alec smirks.

— Yeah, he really is. I’m lucky. — Alec’s words are simple and direct, like many things about him are, but they stick with Kit. Before he met his family, he used to think love was a complicated, painful and disastrous thing, like what his dad seemed to feel for his mom and for Kit himself, like the lies and betrayal he saw in the Shadow Market, like the tricks he pulled as well. It was only after getting to know Tessa and Jem that Kit noticed love was quite simple, that good, real love was calm and peaceful and felt like home. The trust and the care he learned from them made Kit understand that loving somebody is not about the big gestures and dramatic moves, it is about knowing someone inside out and still staying, not because you desperately needed them, but because you desperately wanted them.

Alec’s love for his family was a lot like the one Jem and Tessa had, the love they shared with Mina and Kit. That is what prompted Kit to come after Alec today, seeking some guidance in how to present this very same type of love to his little sister.

— Alec, could I ask you something? I know it is your birthday and I don’t want to bother you, but I promise it will be fast-

— Kit, just ask it. You’re not bothering me. — Alec cuts his rambling off and Kit is grateful for that, not even understanding why he is so nervous. Ever since he moved in with Tessa and Jem, he had met Alec many times and grew quite close with his family as well, since Tessa was one of Magnus’ oldest friends. If there was one thing he knew, it was that Alec could never be anything other than kind towards him.

— Okay, sure. Good. — He answers, eyes casting down. — This is probably a weird question, but... How did you make sure you were the brother your siblings needed? Because, honestly, Jace and Izzy adore you and it seems so effortless to you that it blows my mind. I have known Mina her whole life, which is not much, you know? She is only one. But, for her, it is a lot of time! Still, I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like- By the Angel, like she needs so much more than I can give her. That is insane, I get it, her favorite word at the moment is poop and she adores to scream it at the top of her lungs every time we’re out, of course she doesn’t have great expectations right now, but she will someday and I don’t think I will be able to be who she needs me to be. Will I even deserve all the trust she puts in me? All the love she gives me? Will I even-

— Kit, stop. — Alec firmly demands and Kit is so shocked by the action that he finally turns to look at him. It is quite astonishing to find a sly smile on Alec’s lips. — Just stop, okay? You’re overthinking away too much, trust me: I have been there. It was never effortless to me, quite the opposite. I spent most of my life doubting I could be the right person to keep my siblings safe. When Max-

He stops, swallows dryly, seeming to gather himself for what he is about to say before speaking again.

— When Max died, I was destroyed. I felt like I failed him. Somedays I still do, so does Izzy, so does Jace. Still, I know Max would never think that of us, he knows Sebastian is the only one to blame for what happened. — His expression softens for a moment and Kit hopes he didn’t bring out any hard memories on such a happy day. — What I’m trying to say is that you will never feel like you’re enough or like you know what you’re doing, it will always be hard and the idea of letting Mina down will always be scary. There is no running away from that.

— So, I will just feel this terrified forever? — He is well aware of how disturbed he sounds, but can’t help it when Alec just dropped this bomb on him.

— No, not if you learn one little thing, that took me many years to understand. — Alec’s voice is soft now; the tone Kit only ever saw him use around his family.

— And what is that?

— Mina already thinks you’re the everything she needs. She already thinks you deserve all the love and trust she gives to you. You know why? — Alec questioned and Kit just stared blankly at him, not knowing what to say. — Because, every single day, you get up and choose to try your best to make her happy and keep her safe. That is all she needs from you: to never stop trying. She doesn’t want you to drive yourself crazy or sacrifice anything for her. I once thought the same, I was sure I could never be myself or be happy, if I wanted my siblings to be proud of me. I thought that was the only way I could protect them. Angel, how I was wrong. All they ever wanted was for me to be exactly who I am. — He glares at Jace laughing loudly in the living room, Izzy rolling her eyes at him, but still smiling softly at her brother shortly after, and something shifts inside of Kit.

That is what he wants for his and Mina’s future. He wants her to laugh at him until they are both out of breath, he wants her look at him with the just right combination of exasperation and affection, to still grab his hand when she is scared and run to his arms when she is happy.

— So... You are saying that I should just be myself? — Kit queries and Alec nods, as if he just asked him if the sky was blue.

— Yes, as cheesy as it sounds, just keep doing what you’re doing and I’m sure you will be fine.

— But what if who I am is not enough, Alec? — His voice cracks and he hates how obvious his uncertainty is, but Alec doesn’t shudder.

— Kit, you are more than enough. The fact you even question it already shows you are, that is why you care so much. Still, I know, better than most, that I can’t be the one to tell you that. Any words will fall flat if you don’t believe in it. Look, I wouldn’t worry too much about Mina if I were you. She already adores you. Maybe just focus on believing in yourself, make sure you see why she does. Do that, kid, and I can assure you all these doubts will vanish. — He lays a hand in his shoulder and squeezes it, dropping it shortly after.

— That was really... Wise. — Kit blurted out, trying to absorb what he just heard.

— Don’t sound so surprised. — Alec jokes and Kit can’t help but fell an overwhelming sense of gratitude settling in his chest.

— Thank you for saying all of that. It really helped, like, you have no idea how much. — Kit thanked him; glad he had gone to Alec with his questions.

— You’re welcome. — He calmly responded, just as Izzy entered the kitchen with an empty glass.

— Alec, where do you keep the wine? Because I’m sure Magnus is hiding the good stuff from me! — She claims, coming to rest against the door way.

— If I told you where he keeps it, I will probably have divorce files on my desk by morning. — Alec playfully provokes his sister, that just waves his concern away with a hand.

— Fine, for the sake of your marriage, I will just have you ask him for me. — Then, upon realizing Alec’s lack of interest in the idea, she pouts, moving to hang on Alec’s shoulder. — Please? — He looks down at her and sighs.

— As you please. — She claps in excitement and kisses him in the cheek.

— I’ll be waiting! — Izzy announces, before leaving the kitchen.

— Are you good? — Alec asks Kit once his sister disappears into the living room.

— I will be. — Kit answers and he is only half faking the confidence in his voice, so he takes that as a win.

— Yeah, you will. — Alec confirms as he walks away, Kit on his tow. He drops himself back in the couch, deep in thought. He is startled when a tiny hand grabs his left leg. Once Kit looks down, he finds Mina holding on tight to him to push herself up. He smiles down at her as she stands, her grip on Kit so strong he wonders if that is some sort of Shadowhunter-Warlock baby superpower.

— Min-Min, you are getting though. — He proudly states. Mina giggles, as if she understands what he’s saying and puts both of her hands up, a common indication she wants to be picked up by him.

Kit gladly does so, placing his sister in his lap. She wiggles her little feet up as she rests her head against his chest, one of her hands coming to grip the collar of his shirt. She must probably be tired, her nap time coming up, but Kit tells himself he’ll soon put her down in Rafe’s bed like Magnus offered, even though he knows he most likely won’t. He holds her against his heart as she dozes off, feeling her hand relaxing the grip in order to rest against his heart, her five little perfect fingers going up and down with every heartbeat beneath them.

In that moment, he’s absolutely sure they’ll be just fine, not because he’s perfect or sure he will never make mistakes, but simply because he loves her away too much to be anything other than his very best self.

#Kit Herondale #Kit Rook #kit herondale fic #Alec Lightwood #Jace Herondale #izzy lightwood #max lightwood #mina carstairs #jem carstairs #tessa gray #rafael lightwood bane #the shadowhunters chronicles #my fics #the dark artifices #the mortal instruments #ghosts of the shadow market #fluff

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rhosyn-du · 3 years ago

Text

Never make a mess when a total catastrophe will do - Chapter Two

Pairings: Jimon, past Clace, background Clizzy, a bunch of other minor background pairings Rating: Explicit Art: @cor321 Beta: @all-thestories-aretrue Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, fake dating, oh my god they were roommates, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, pining, miscommunication, holidays, drinking games, mistletoe, symbolically significant Oreos, domestic fluff, brief mention of past character death, Jace’s self-worth issues deserve their own tag Summary: What do you do when you find out your sister is not only dating your ex and love-of-your-high-school-life but is also bringing her home for Christmas? Bring your annoying, hot, annoyingly-hot roommate as your fake boyfriend to show them you're totally fine with it, obviously! There's no possible way this could backfire. Link: AO3 , Tumblr Master Post

Chapter Two

They didn’t talk more about it later. Jace barely saw Simon at all over the following couple weeks, in fact. It’s not that he was intentionally avoiding Simon, but they both had final exams to study for, and Simon was wrapped up in guitar ensemble rehearsals for the winter concert on top of that. If Jace had spent a little more of his study time in the library than was strictly necessary and that just happened to prevent any further discussions of dispays of physical affection and practice dates, that was entirely beside the point.

What Jace hadn’t counted on was how unprepared he’d feel pulling up outside the Queen Anne style townhouse he’d called home for most of his childhood. He suddenly wished he’d let Simon talk him into driving together and using the drive as a last minute planning session, even if it meant they’d need to coordinate their trip back to Boston. As much as he’d been avoiding talking about their plan, it really only occurred to Jace on the drive how much he wished they actually had, you know, a plan.

“Wow,” Simon said, hopping out of the hand-painted van he’d parked right behind Jace’s car. “Is that an actual turret?”

“Yup, gotta love those late 19th century architectural fads,” Jace answered as he pulled his suitcase out of the trunk. “The house belonged to Maryse’s grandparents, and I’ve never been able to tell how much she actually likes the style and how much is just childhood nostalgia, but she hasn’t even changed much of the interior except for renovations and repairs.”

“I have a hard time imagining growing up in a place like this,” Simon said as he joined Jace with his own suitcase in hand. “And it’s not like my mom’s house is tiny or anything, but this is just...” He waved a hand vaguely at the house. “A lot.”

He didn’t ask why Jace was sharing a tiny apartment furnished entirely secondhand if his family lived in a house like this, and Jace didn’t offer an explanation.

“You don’t need to be nervous,” Jace said, even though there was plenty to be nervous about. “I promise the house doesn’t bite.”

“Yeah, less worried about the house than the people in it,” Simon told him.

“I thought you were, like, the parent whisperer,” Jace teased. “Isn’t that why you offered to come with me? Because you make a great boyfriend? Trust me, as long as Alec and Izzy think you make me happy, they’ll love you, and you know more about comics than anyone I’ve ever met, so Max will love you regardless.”

“Okay,” Simon said, releasing a heavy breath. “Okay, thanks. You’re right, I just got a little intimidated by the house, but this is all going to be fine.”

“Maryse is probably going to hate you, though,” Jace continued, keeping his face carefully deadpan. “She hates everyone we bring home. It’s like a rite of passage. But you’re great with parents, so I’m sure you’ll at least avoid intentional food poisoning.”

Simon stared at him in horror, and Jace couldn’t keep a hit of a smile from breaking through.

“I hate you,” Simon told him.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Jace said, “I’m pretty sure the food poisoning wasn’t actually intentional.”

“Wait, there was actual food poisoning?”

“Come on,” Jace said, heading toward the door. “I want to get inside before we freeze to death.”

“You are such a dick sometimes,” Simon muttered, catching up to him.

Then, he slipped his free hand into Jace’s like it was a totally normal thing to do, and Jace had to catch himself from tripping over the steps.

“Careful,” Simon said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m not going to make a very good impression on your family if you fall and break your neck before we even get inside.”

And there was just nothing to say to that, to how uncomfortable it wasn’t to have Simon’s hand in his like this, to the way it made him want. So Jace simply rolled his eyes and pushed open the front door, letting the scent of home wrap around him like a warm blanket.

“Okay,” Simon said quietly as he surveyed the entryway, complete with antique chandelier. “Feeling a little intimidated again.” And it was so easy for Jace to just give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

“Hey, you made it,” a warm voice greeted them. “With as bad as traffic has been, we thought you’d be another hour at least.”

“Hey, man,” Jace said, dropping Simon’s hand so he could pull his brother into a hug. “People must be staying home for the holidays this year, because we barely hit any traffic at all.” He glanced around. “Where is everyone?”

“Iz should be here any minute, Max is holed up in his room playing video games with his friends, and Magnus is helping Mom with some last-minute grocery shopping for dinner tomorrow.” Alec held out a hand to Simon. “I’m Alec, since Jace apparently can’t be bothered to make introductions like a civilized person.”

“It’s okay,” Simon said, giving his hand a quick shake, “I gave up on the idea of Jace being civilized the first time I saw him eat pizza that had been sitting out on the counter for three days.”

“That was your pizza,” Jace pointed out.

“Yeah,” Simon said, “which I was going to throw away because I forgot about it for three days.”

“On the subject of uncivilized,” Jace said, turning back to Alec, who was looking just a little too pleased, “you really sent Magnus shopping with Maryse? Buddy, if you decided you don’t want to marry the guy, just break it off with him. You don’t have to throw him to the wolves like that.”

Alec’s tiny smile became a little less tiny and a whole lot softer. “Magnus and Mom have actually been getting along lately. She wanted his opinion on wine pairings, so they went to the store and left me here so I can pull the bread out of the oven when it’s done. It’s very weird, but also nice.”

“That does sound very weird,” Jace told him, “but I’m glad things are working out and Maryse has found some level of chill somewhere.”

“Hopefully that means I won’t get poisoned,” Simon said.

Alec snorted. “If you want to avoid it, you should probably avoid mentioning you know about that. Or any other embarrassing family stories Jace might have shared with you.”

“And don’t eat anything Izzy hands you,” Jace added. “Anything she cooks probably won’t kill you, but the taste will make you wish you were dead.”

“So, I should just fast while I’m here,” Simon said. “Good to know.”

Jace led Simon upstairs to drop off their bags while Alec checked on the bread.

“Just toss your bag anywhere,” Jace said, opening the door to his old room. “We can argue over who gets which side of the dresser later.”

“Sure,” Simon said cheerfully, “as long as we can be civil deciding who gets which side of the bed.” He stopped just inside the doorway. “Wow, okay. The apparently very small bed.”

And this really was something that should have occurred to him, Jace realized. It wasn’t that he hadn’t considered that he’d be sharing a bed with Simon. They’d even talked about it, briefly, and agreed it was no big deal. But Jace hadn’t considered exactly how much smaller his childhood bed was than the generous queen he slept in back home. It was technically large enough to fit two grown men, but only technically.

“Don’t worry,” Jace said, falling back on his trademark bravado, “I won’t get mad if you cuddle me in your sleep. I know you can’t help it if your subconscious recognizes that I’m irresistible.”

“I’m more worried about your freakishly sharp elbows,” Simon muttered.

“As long as you don’t snore or steal the covers, you won’t have to worry about my elbows,” Jace told him. He was planning to keep his elbows, and the rest of him, as far away from Simon as possible. Which, given the size of the bed, was maybe three inches.

“Dude, I do not snore,” Simon protested. “You know that; we live together.”

“You absolutely snore after your fourth drink.”

“I wasn’t planning to get drunk with your family,” Simon said, tossing his bag onto the bed.

“You say that now,” Jace said, leaving his own bag next to the door. “But wait until you get the full Lightwood Christmas experience before deciding you want to spend the whole thing sober.”

“If your family drives me to drink, you don’t get to blame me for snoring,” Simon countered. Which was probably fair, but Jace was saved from having to admit that by the sound of voices coming from downstairs.

“That’d be Izzy,” Jace said, “and we’d better get down there before she accuses me of trying to hide you from her.”

“Jace,” called a singsong voice, right on cue, “quit making out with your mystery hottie and get down here so we can actually meet him.”

“You should be careful making demands like that,” Jace called back. “What if I’m not wearing any pants?”

“We’ve all seen it. Get your ass down here “

“I like your sister already,” Simon told him.

“You say that now, but wait until she decides you count as family. She won’t be any better with you.” He took Simon’s hand. Because it helped sell their relationship. Because he could. Simon laced their fingers together, and Jace tried not to feel any way about that at all as he led Simon back down the stairs.

They only made it a couple steps before Simon came to a complete stop, almost causing Jace to trip the rest of the way down the staircase. He heard Simon mutter a soft ‘oh crap’ at the same time a bright, redheaded whirlwind came rushing up the stairs at them.

“Oh my god, Simon?” Clary grabbed Simon into a giant bearhug, effectively tearing his hand out of Jace’s. “You’re Jace’s mystery boyfriend? How did I not know about this? You didn’t even tell me you were dating anyone, you jerk! What happened to best friend gossip privileges?”

Clary pulled back from the hug, and now that Jace could actually see her face, he could see the hint of concern she was trying to hide under her wide smile.

“Clary. Hi,” Simon said, eyes wide. “I was going to tell you, I swear. It’s just, this is kind of new and so...” He trailed off, looking panicked. His eyes caught Jace’s. “But, uh, yeah. This is Jace. My boyfriend. Jace, this is my best friend, Clary Fray.”

“Yeah,” Jace said, looking between the two of them and feeling more than a little out of his depth. He’d planned for things to be weird, but not this weird. “We’ve met.” He flashed Clary a smile. “Fray, huh?”

She nodded. “I couldn’t keep his name. Not after...after everything. Fray is the name Mom used before she married Luke. It’s the name I remember her having when I was little, so.” She shrugged. “I filed the paperwork to have it legally changed the day I turned eighteen.”

“It suits you,” Jace told her, and let himself be pulled into a tight hug that he suspected was as much because she needed one as that she was glad to see him. Clary had never told him much about the biological father she barely knew, but she’d told him enough to know that Clary held him responsible for her mother’s death, even if the courts had cleared him of any wrongdoing.

“Thanks,” Clary whispered, before surreptitiously drying her eyes on his shoulder and pulling back to flash a smile that was less forced than Jace expected. “So, tell me how this happened without me hearing about it.” She bumped Jace with her shoulder. “And if it’s so new, what possessed you to subject Simon to your family holidays?”

“Hey,” Izzy said, walking up behind Clary and wrapping her arms around her girlfriend’s waist. Jace had to admit, they looked...well, right together. “That’s my family, too, you know.”

“Oh, I know,” Clary said, offering a soft grin over her shoulder. “And the fact that I’m here should tell you exactly how much I love you.”

“Fair,” Izzy said, then looked at Simon. “So, how’d my brother convince you to join this circus?”

“We made a trade,” Simon said, straight-faced. “I put up with his family for Christmas and he puts up with mine for my cousin Rachel’s wedding.” He leaned in and told Izzy in a stage whisper, “Also, I’m weak for his smile, but don’t tell him I said that, because he will abuse it.”

“You say that like I don’t already abuse it,” Jace said, sliding his arm around Simon’s waist in a mirror of Izzy and Clary’s pose. “And to answer your earlier question, us being officially together is new, but we’ve been sort of on the verge of dating for ages. Practically since we started sharing an apartment last year.”

Clary let out a peal of delighted laughter. “Oh, you’re the roommate. It makes sense now.” Before Jace could ask what made sense, she was pulling the both of them into a tight hug. “I’m really happy for both of you.”

“If I’d known you were going to be this excited, I definitely would have mentioned it sooner,” Simon said, pulling back from the hug.

Jace tried to catch his eye, wondering what on earth was going on. He knew both Clary and Simon well enough to know he was missing something, but he had no idea what it was. Simon ignored him, and that just made Jace more suspicious.

“Come on,” Izzy said. “You can have your hug fest later. Right now, I want to help Alec get things set up in the kitchen and maybe surprise Mom by getting dinner started before she gets back.”

Jace and Clary exchanged a panicked look, and Jace frantically searched his mind for excuses to keep Izzy busy. He didn’t actually want a repeat of the food poisoning episode, after all.

“Actually,” Simon said, turning a bright smile on Izzy. “I was kind of hoping you’d be willing to show me your Lego Star Wars collection before we get too wrapped up in family stuff. Jace mentioned you have the deluxe Imperial Star Destroyer set from the early 2000’s, and I’ve never actually seen one in person.”

“Oh,” Izzy said, looking torn. “I’m not sure—”

“We can help Alec in the kitchen,” Clary said quickly. “You two go do your nerd thing. I knew this was inevitable when I finally introduced you two anyway. And this way I get the chance to harass my bestie’s new boyfriend without him in the way trying to keep me from learning the embarrassing details.”

“You know, on second thought—” Simon began, looking slightly panicked.

“Come on,” Izzy interrupted, smiling brightly and grabbing his hand.

Simon flashed Clary a betrayed look, then looked to Jace for support. Jace simply smiled at him.

“Don’t worry, love muffin,” he said mildly. “I’d never intentionally embarrass you.”

“I want you to know that I hate both of you,” Simon said before allowing Izzy to drag him back up the stairs.

“My collection is all still in my old room,” Izzy said. “Clary and I have been looking for an apartment big enough I can actually move the rest of my stuff out of here, but so far we haven’t found anything in our price range.”

Jace turned back to Clary. “Exactly what kind of embarrassing stories were you hoping for? Because I have many.”

Clary shook her head. “I’m pretty sure I’ve got more embarrassing Simon stories than you do. I’ve got almost two decades worth. But I was actually hoping to talk to you alone anyway, and this seems like the best chance we’re going to get.”

Jace followed her down the stairs and into the study. “Sounds serious. You planning to give me a shovel talk?”

Clary laughed, shaking her head. “No, I know you, remember? I’m not worried about you hurting Simon. Well,” she amended, “not any more than I am about him hurting you.” She met his eyes with a soft smile. “You might be the only person I know with a heart as big as Simon’s, as much as you try to hide it.”

Jace looked away. It had been two years since the last time he’d seen her, and she could still see right to the heart of him. He didn’t want to know what she’d see if she kept looking. “Clary—”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” she teased. “But I didn’t actually bring you out here to talk about Simon. I wanted to apologize.”

Jace frowned, looking back at her. “You’ve got nothing to apologize for.” He was more than a little grateful not to have Clary grilling him about his entirely fabricated relationship, but he wasn’t sure where this conversation was going.

“No, I do,” she insisted. “I promised to keep in touch when you moved away, and I didn’t.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Jace said, even if maybe it had been at first. Those first few months at school had been hard. Jace always thought he was used to being alone, especially after his mother’s suicide, but he found out just how much he’d come to rely on his new family when he didn’t see them every day. They’d kept in touch, of course, but with Izzy immersed in her studies and Alec all wrapped up in his new relationship with Magnus, it wasn’t anything like what it had been when they were all under one roof.

For a while, he and Clary had been in touch nearly every day, sometimes texting multiple times a day. Jace told her about his classes and how much he liked Boston, and Clary told him all about trying to narrow down which art schools she wanted to apply to. It was almost the same sort of easy friendship they’d had before he left, after they agreed they were better off as friends.

But after a couple months, Clary’s messages came less and less often, and eventually stopped altogether. Jace tried not to let it bother him, but he started drinking a bit too much and going to a few too many parties. Which was how he’d met Maia, his attempts at flirting somehow leading to him getting his ass handed to him at beer pong, and soon he found himself with an entire group of new friends. Although Maia insisted for almost a year that she and Jace were merely antagonistic acquaintances.

Clary gave him a look that told him she knew exactly how full of it he was. “It was a shitty thing to do, and I was a shitty friend,” she told him. “Especially because I did it on purpose. Izzy and I started getting close and I started to have feelings for her, and I didn’t know what to say to you about it. I didn’t know how to even talk to you about what was going on in my life without mentioning that she was becoming such a big part of it.”

“You didn’t actually have to hide it from me, you know,” Jace said. “I was surprised when Izzy first told me, but I’m mostly just glad you’re both happy. And seeing you together, I know you both are.”

“Thanks,” Clary said. “I didn’t want to hurt you or make things weird. For a while, I thought I could just ignore what I was feeling, but Iz is just... She’s not someone you can ignore, you know?”

“Oh, I know exactly how hard my sister is to ignore, believe me.” Jace stopped, considered, then admitted something he had never said—would never say—to another person. But this was Clary, and he knew she would never repeat it. And even if she did, he could always play it off as part of the act. “She and Simon have that in common. You know, I actually thought I hated him at first? He’s so enthusiastic about everything, and so sincere, and just.” He shrugged. “Not the kind of person I thought would ever do it for me.”

“But he won you over with his boyish charm?” Clary guessed.

“Mm,” Jace agreed. And the way he loved without reserve. Not just his family and friends, but his music, his favorite films, even the crappy nachos from the 7-11 down the block from their apartment. Simon loved every part of life, and being around him, Jace could almost imagine what that felt like. “Well, that and his abs.”

“Can’t forget those,” Clary laughed.

“Not with how often he eats breakfast shirtless,” Jace agreed. “Come on. If we aren’t in the kitchen by the time Izzy gets back downstairs, you know she’ll try to help Alec herself, and I was kind of hoping for dinner to be edible.”

~~~

Dinner was surprisingly painless. Maryse was more relaxed and happy than Jace had ever seen her, and he couldn’t help wondering how much of that was related to the very unsubtle smiles she kept exchanging with Clary’s stepfather. Even Max, who was deep in throes of preteen scorn, grudgingly admitted that Simon being in a band was “pretty cool” and joined in on some of Simon, Clary, and Izzy’s excited nerd talk that went entirely over Jace’s head.

After dinner, they retired to the living room for eggnog and carols. Jace limited himself to a single cup of Magnus’s infamous eggnog, knowing better than to let himself get drunk when he was putting on a show for his family. Or sharing his tiny bed with Simon.

As usual, Jace let himself get pushed over the piano to play. He felt something in him settle as soon as he rested his fingers on the keys of Maryse’s baby grand, the feel different and so much more familiar than the ancient keyboard he had back in Boston or the well-used uprights in the practice rooms at school.

When Jace had first come to live with the Lightwoods, he’d been afraid to touch the piano. His mother had put him in lessons as soon as he was old enough, but she hated to listen to him play and often chastised him for not being a better player, saying he should be better at it with how talented his father was. Now, he understood that it was just another manifestation of the combined grief and mental illness that led to Celine’s death, but at the time he’d hated how awful he was at playing, no matter how much he enjoyed doing it.

But Maryse knew he played and encouraged him to use her piano. She told him that it had been her father’s, and though she’d taken lessons herself as a child, she’d never really loved it the way he had. She said that the instrument deserved to be loved, and as long as Jace loved playing it, she didn’t care how good he was or wasn’t.

It was the first time he’d really felt like this could be his home.

“Okay,” Jace said after the third version of O Tannenbaum with ridiculous altered lyrics—this one courtesy of Simon rather than Max or Clary, about an ill-fated toad who chose the wrong moment to cross the street, “I think my fingers are done for the night.”

“Oh, come on,” Clary said. “Simon and I have at least a dozen more of these we came up with when we were kids.”

“When we were little, I only knew the lyrics to the Christmas songs they played on the radio, so Fray made up silly lyrics to the other ones and told me they were real,” Simon explained. “And it made her so happy that I went along with it even for the couple I did know.”

“There will be plenty of time for more singing tomorrow,” Maryse said. “But if I know this one,” she continued, smiling at Max, “we’re all going to be dragged out of bed at the crack of dawn for presents.”

“Mom,” Max whined, “I’m not a kid anymore. I know the presents will still be there whenever I get up.”

“I seem to remember someone who looked an awful lot like you waking us up before sunrise last year,” Magnus said with exaggerated confusion. “Perhaps you have a twin I haven’t met?”

Max fixed him with a withering look. “Last year, I was eleven. This year I’m twelve,” he said, as though that explained it.

“Well, I’m glad to hear you’ve grown out of it,” Alec told him. “Because I intend to sleep in. And if you try to get me out of bed early, I’ll remind you of this conversation.”

“Oh, no need for that, darling,” Magnus said cheerfully. “I’ll just barricade the door before we go to sleep so he can’t get to us.”

“Brilliant,” Alec said, giving Magnus a frankly sappy smile. “I knew there was a reason I loved you.”

“And on that note,” Jace said, “I think I’m going to head to bed before I die of sweetness overdose.”

“Oh, please,” Magnus said, giving him an unimpressed look. “We all saw you and Simon making eyes at each other over those cookies you were frosting earlier.”

“It’s true,” Izzy said before Jace could protest. “You don’t get to tease Alec about being a sap anymore, not now that we’ve all actually seen you with someone you love.”

Jace froze, his mouth half open, then quickly snapped it shut. It made sense that Izzy would assume. He’d brought Simon home for Christmas, after all. That was the story they were selling even if they hadn’t actually discussed it, even if it wasn’t something Jace had said or even implied. And whatever he did feel for Simon, it certainly wasn’t love. It was, at best, a friendly crush. A very intense friendly crush.

Izzy seemed to realize her mistake, glancing between him and Simon with a look of dawning panic.

“No, you’re misunderstanding how this works,” Simon said easily, because of course Izzy’s words hadn’t sent him into a panic the way they had Jace. “Jace gets to tease Alec, and you, and you both get to tease him back.”

“Yep,” Clary agreed. “Those are the rules, because that means I still get to tease Simon.”

“Please,” Izzy said. “Clary and I are too sophisticated to be sappy.”

“I’m pretty sure I heard you call Clary ‘cuddle bug’ earlier,” Alec said.

“And I definitely saw you laugh at that terrible joke she told at dinner,” Jace added.

“She ate one of the cookies you made,” Max accused.

“Yeah, sorry, cutie,” Clary said. “We’re really pretty sappy.”

“Fine,” Izzy huffed. “But I just think you’re all jealous because I’ve got the cutest girlfriend.”

“Yes, Izzy,” Alec said drily. “You’ve uncovered my secret. I’m extremely jealous of your girlfriend.”

“I knew it,” Izzy said smugly, as though Alec had been perfectly sincere.

“Definitely in danger of dying of sweetness overdose,” Jace said.

That set off another round of teasing, this time with Izzy throwing in not so subtle attempts to drag Maryse and Luke into it. Jace wasn’t sure why Izzy was so determined to make the two admit there was something between them. It was obvious there was just from the way they acted around each other. Maryse would tell them when she was ready, just like she had when she and Robert filed for divorce.

It was almost another hour before Jace finally made his way up the stairs toward his room. He was surprised when Simon rose to follow him, but didn’t say anything until they were back in his room.

“I’m surprised you didn’t stay to nerd out with Clary and Iz some more.”

“I get to talk to Clary all the time,” he said with a shrug. “Besides, it’ll be easier to keep up the whole fake boyfriend thing if I don’t let her get me alone. She’d definitely figure out something’s up if I let her start grilling me about our relationship. Also, you don’t get to call me a nerd when you know just as much about Star Wars as I do.”

“It’s impossible to grow up with Izzy and not know way too much about Star Wars,” Jace said, pulling off his shirt and tossing it over a chair. “Are you still sure about doing this? Neither of us counted on Clary, and I’ll understand if you want to back out.”

“Huh?” Simon said, sounding distracted. Jace turned to look at him and thought he detected the faintest flush on Simon’s cheeks when he met his eyes. “I mean, yeah, no, I’m not backing out.” He gave an uncomfortable shrug as he pulled a set of pajamas out of his suitcase. “The last thing I want is to have to explain this whole thing to Clary.”

“Good point,” Jace agreed, turning around to put on his own pajama bottoms. It was tempting to watch Simon change, but it was also a very bad idea. “I don’t want to think about what she’d have to say to both of us if she knew.”

There was a beat of silence before Simon asked, “So, do you, um, have a preferred side of the bed?”

Jace turned to look at him, only a little disappointed to find Simon fully dressed in his pajamas. As usual when someone asked a question he didn’t want to think about, Jace flashed a smirk. “In a bed this small, I usually just take up the whole thing.”

“Well, unless you want me on top of you, you should pick a side,” Simon said, unimpressed. “Because I’m not sleeping on the floor.”

“I’ll take the left,” Jace said quickly, trying and mostly failing to avoid thinking about exactly how much he did want Simon on top of him. “I’m just gonna hit the bathroom real quick.”

Which was how Jace found himself locked in the tiny guest bathroom, lip caught between his teeth as he frantically tugged at his cock. He hadn’t planned on jerking off, but he couldn’t get Simon’s words out of his head, and he sure as hell wasn’t getting into bed with Simon half-hard, which was really the only other option.

He could picture it far too easily. Simon pressing him into that ridiculously tiny bed, hands gentle but firm, mouth just a little bit desperate.

He came to the thought of rutting up against those ridiculous abs.

By the time Jace cleaned himself up and returned to his room, Simon was nestled under the covers on the right side of the bed. Seeing him like that made something in Jace’s chest clench, and he flipped the light off just so he wouldn’t have to look anymore.

“‘Night,” Simon said as Jace slid into bed, taking care to stay entirely on his side.

“Don’t even think about snoring,” Jace answered.

He lay in the dark for a long time, staring into the darkness, listening to the sounds of the city that didn’t quite drown out the soft breathing of the man beside him. He tried not to think about how easy and relaxed the night had been, how perfect it would have been if only half of it weren’t a lie.

#shadowhunters #shmb2021 #jimon #jimon fic #jace wayland #simon lewis

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bytheangell · 5 years ago

Text

Ahead of Ourselves

(Read on AO3) Square Filled: Doctor AU for @shadowhunterbingo Pairing: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Rating: Teen and Up – Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Summary: A lot of the hospital staff thinks that Dr. Lightwood is a little heartless... but Magnus discovers he might just be as good at acting a he is at medicine. -------------

Magnus doesn’t bother to hide his displeasure at being paired with Alec Lightwood for today’s surgery. As the son of the owners of the hospital, Alec gets whatever he wants whenever he wants it, and Magnus might hate him a little bit for it. After fighting so hard to get where he is, Magnus can’t help the sting of jealousy to see someone handed everything he ever wanted. Sure, Alec’s good at what he does, but in Magnus’ humble opinion he’s no better than the rest of them.

He’s also an asshole.

Mangus allows himself a moment of indulgent whining with Catarina on one of their lunch breaks over sad excuses for salad from the cafeteria. “Think about it - when was the last time you saw him eat, or sleep, or get upset? I’m telling you - a robot.”

Okay, maybe Magnus is getting ahead of himself since ‘asshole’ gives Alec the illusion of having enough feelings to even be rude - Magnus has a running joke with some of his friends at the hospital that Alec Lightwood is, in fact, an emotionless surgical robot that the Lightwoods created to pa their legacy down to. No matter how many patients he loses Magnus has never, not once, seen the man shed a single tear. He delivers bad news to families without batting a single, perfectly full eyelash.

He’s cold and uncaring and Magnus doesn’t particularly want to know what sort of person can be that way.

Alec’s sister, the resident forensic pathologist, insists that Magnus should try to get to know him better, that he really isn’t all that bad underneath it all. Magnus tries a few times, and he almost manages to get Alec to crack a smile at some shitty pun he made before Alec reminds him that they are working and it isn’t a time for jokes.

So when Magnus sees his name listed on the board under Alec’s, he knows he’s in for a long, boring, silent surgery later that night.

Unfortunately, all the quiet focus in the world isn’t enough to save their patient. Magnus curses, slamming his fist on the table next to him with tears stinging his eyes before the final, frantic beep fades into a flatline.

“Time of death,” Alec announces, voice so frustratingly neutral as he takes off his gloves that Magnus’ tears double in frustration at the sound of it. “11:08 pm.”

Magnus takes one look at the girl on the table and is already starting to run through a million split-second decisions, wondering if there was anything they could’ve done differently to ave her. They knew the odds on this one were bad, but they weren’t 0% - he just wasn’t good enough.

Alec takes one look at him and Magnus can practically feel the judgment despite Alec’s usual stone-faced demeanor. This isn’t the first patient Magnus lost, and it won’t be the last, but each one hits just as hard.

“I’ll talk to the family. You go pull yourself back together before rounds.”

And then he’s gone.

Magnus does, of course, pull himself back together in time for his rounds, with the help of Catarina’s reassurances that he can’t save everyone and nobody expects him to - not the Lightwoods, or the other staff, or even the patients.

When Magnus finally gets a chance to nap for a few minutes it seems as if everyone else has the same idea - after trying all the usual on-call rooms he normally crashes in during his long shifts, Magnus finds an empty cot in one of the farther corners of the hospital, in a wing so barely used he’s honestly surprised it isn’t blocked off by now.

He also finds someone else already sitting in the dark - Magnus might not have even noticed in his current state of exhaustion if they weren’t obviously crying.

“Don’t worry, I can sleep through some crying, pretend I’m not even here,” Magnus says, expecting his attempt at lighthearted comfort to be aimed at some intern who came out of the way to avoid anyone seeing them upset.

“Fuck,” he hears instead, followed by a sniffle and the sound of hands frantically wiping at a face.

He knows that voice, even in the dark.

“...Doctor Lightwood?”

“Just… shit. No one ever comes up here. Sorry,” Alec says, voice shaky with more emotion than Magnus thought him capable of.

Magnus hesitates.

He could follow his own suggestion and pretend Alec isn’t even there. He should. But he can’t, because he heard that tell-tale sign of crying and would feel too guilty just pretending he didn’t.

“Can I turn on the light?” Magnus asks.

“I’d rather you didn’t,” Alec mutters.

“...do you, uh, want to talk about it?” Magnus tries.

“If I did would I be hiding out in here?” Alec counters. “I’m fine. I just need a minute then I’ll get out of your hair.”

“Mmhmm,” Magnus agrees. He picks an empty cot and tries to close his eyes, but he can’t bring himself to actually fall asleep now. He tosses over once, then twice, before giving up.

“Okay, but you don’t get upset. Or angry. Or happy. So this is weird, and I can’t just let it go,” Magnus says finally.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you I do this all the time, so really, it isn't a big deal?” Alec offers.

Magnus frowns. “...that doesn’t make me feel better at all,” he admits. “What do you mean ‘all the time’? You never do this.”

“Yes, I do. I just never let anyone see me do it. Do you think my parents are going to stand for their son walking around crying on a daily basis? Or, like, ever?” Alec huffs out a derisive laugh. “They have a reputation to uphold, which means I have a reputation to uphold. Heaven forbid a Lightwood has anything that can even vaguely be perceived as a flaw.”

Well shit. Magnus wasn’t ready for any of this, and honestly, he isn’t sure what to do with it now that it’s sitting heavy in the room. “You’re allowed to have emotions. You’re not - contrary to rumors I may or may not have started personally - an actual robot.” Magnus winces.

“Tell that to my parents,” he says. “I’m honestly not sure which they’ll be more upset over - losing the patient in the first place, or letting it get to me like this. I shouldn’t have let either happen tonight, let alone both.” Alec gives a rough sniff, and Magnus’ eyes are adjusted enough to the dim light that filters in through the window now that he can see Alec fidgeting with his hands and biting on his lower lip.

Magnus hates how casually Alec talks down on himself, despite the fact that Magnus himself was very sarcastically saying the same things about him not too long ago. Isabelle was right - he just needed to get to know Alec a little better. He hates her for that.

“No one’s perfect. NOt even you, apparently. I’m not going to lie, it’s refreshing to know. But I’m, uh, sorry you feel like you need to be. Guess no familial pressure is the one up-side to not having any family left.” Magnus wonders if maybe opening up a bit himself will encourage Alec to do the same. “If you ever want to talk-”

“Listen, I don’t need you to feel bad for me. Sorry for dumping all that shit on you just now, I don’t know what came over me. Just pretend this never happened, and you can go back to talking shit about me to my sister and everyone else in this hospital, and I can go back to keeping this room for myself.” There’s an edge to Alec’s tone like he just realized everything he’s been saying since he started what seems to be an entirely accidental venting he probably wishes he could take back. Magnus can practically feel him putting a wall up between them.

“Alexander-” Magnus starts, but Alec stands and crosses the room to the door before he can say anything more.

“I should go. Get some rest, Doctor Bane.” And just like Alec closes himself off again, leaving Magnus alone in the dark.

---

The problem is that Magnus can’t just pretend it never happened. He wants to. His life would be a lot easier if he did, probably. But instead, he finds himself watching Alec, really observing him, now that he knows what to look for.

Magnus can tell when Alec is intentionally pushing others away and closing himself off, and it’s almost always right before, and immediately after, surgeries. Magnus always thought that his kind bedside manner was the show he put on for patients but it doesn’t take long to realize that that is more the real Alec than anything else. It’s the cold, calculated version of himself he keeps on in the hallways and around his peers that’s the act.

And god, how tiring that must be for him, Magnus realizes.

Magnus also starts to notice the periods of time Alec’s nowhere to be found, and no one seems particularly inclined to go looking for him if it isn’t an emergency - except Magnus knows exactly where Alec goes now. The next time a surgery goes wrong Magnus slips a note underneath the door telling Alec that everyone is talking about how he did his best, better than anyone else would’ve done under the same circumstances.

The next time Alec loses a patient and needs to inform the family Magnus finds out his favorite hospital-accessible comfort food from Isabelle (which happens to be the greasiest burger Magnus has ever seen) and leaves it on the table in Alec’s usual hideout.

All the while nothing changes between the two of them. Magnus still makes terrible jokes that Alec only rolls his eyes at, before walking off without a single word and ignoring him just as much as - if not even more than - he did before. It’s a good thing Magnus is nothing if not persistent, and hardly deterred by a little silent treatment when he tries to say hi a bit more often in the hallways.

The more Magnus tries to get him to open up again, the more Alec closes off. He even yells at Magnus in the hallway over something so trivial Magnus forgets about it by the end of the day.

Through it all Magnus continues to leave little notes and pick-me-up gifts for Alec (Isabelle, upon realizing what he’s doing, is more than willing to provide him with all the inside information he needs for things like Alec’s favorite color or coffee order. She also tells him Alec’s favorite flower, and while he’s stunned that Alec even has a favorite flower Magnus also has to insist that isn’t what this is at all before poor Izzy gets ahead of herself).

Not that Magnus can really say what it is he’s doing, or why he’s doing it, which proves to be a problem a few weeks later when Alec loses another patient, and Magnus shows up to Alec’s ‘secret room’ only to find the door open and Alec waiting for him inside.

“What are you doing?” Alec demands, arms crossed.

“Bringing you a burger because I know you aren’t going to let yourself eat anything the rest of the night otherwise,” Magnus says simply.

“Why?”

“...because when we don’t eat, we starve. It’s like, human body 101.” Magnus deflects.

“You know what I mean,” Alec says, not letting him get out of it that easily.

“I don’t know… because no one should have to go through the stuff we go through alone the way you do. I know you didn’t want me around-around, so I just wanted to remind you that you weren’t alone.” Magnus shrugs, setting the plate down on the table near the door.

“But I was a dick to you,” Alec points out.

“Yup,” Magnus agrees. “That’s what happens when you bottle all your emotions up and push everyone away.”

Alec rolls his eyes. “I don’t know what Isabelle’s been saying, but-”

“She hasn’t,” Magnus reassures him. “It’s just kind of obvious once you start looking.”

“...and you’ve been looking?” Alec asks, curiously, with one scarred eyebrow arched.

“Not in, like, a creepy way or anything,” Magnus finds himself backtracking under Alec’s accusatory stare.

To his surprise, Alec laughs.

“Sorry. That was mean,” Alec says, and Magnus realizes with a strange mixture of horror and amazement that Alec’s teasing him. “I’m not going to lie, I saw you talking with Izzy a few times and thought she was putting you up to this.”

Magnus shakes his head. “Nope. Just me, all on my own, sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong,” Magnus confirms.

Alec looks down at the burger again, and then back up at Magnus. “Do you want to stay?”

Magnus, remembering why he came here in the first place, knows there isn’t a chance in hell he’s leaving Alec alone if he actually wants company right now.

“Sure,” Magnus agrees and watches as Alec makes impressive use of the plastic silverware the food comes with to cut the burger in half before offering it to Magnus.

They both sit down at the edge of the cot and eat, first in silence, and then with some semi-casual conversation, as far as two doctors on shift at a hospital can manage ‘casual’ without work-related topics cropping up here and there.

Alec is just starting to relax when his name is paged to one of his patient’s rooms over the intercom system.

Alec’s on his feet and to the door without a second thought, but pauses there to stop and look back at Magnus.

“Before I go,” he says, glancing anxiously at the speaker in the ceiling as if afraid it might cut him off before he finishes whatever he wants to say.

“Yes?” Magnus prompts, drawing Alec’s attention back to him.

“I was wondering if, maybe, I could repay you for the meal sometime?” Alec asks, and while it definitely sounds like he’s asking Magnus out there’s also, infuriatingly, not a single concrete part of that sentence that confirms Magnus’s suspicion.

“You can get me a burger from the cafeteria any time you want,” Magnus agrees.

“No, I- that is-” Alec starts again, and this time his name is repeated over the speakers and he curses again. “I’d like to take you out to dinner. If you want.”

“I’d like that,” Magnus agrees just as easily.

“Really?” Alec says, eyes widening just a little before he recovers quickly. “Right. I’ll see when we both have off and I’ll set something up, then.”

Just as quickly Alec’s gone, disappearing down the hallway.

When Magnus catches a few murmurings during his rounds of how strange everyone finds it that Doctor Lightwood is smiling a suspicious amount all of a sudden he keeps his own smile small and to himself.

And when he shows up to dinner two nights later he makes a mental note to thank Isabelle for getting ahead of herself as he watches the way Alexander’s entire face lights up at the sight of the single peony Magnus brought for him, beaming as he tucks it into his jacket pocket.

Alec has that effect, it seems, as Magnus sits across from him at dinner and does his best to not get too ahead of himself, either… but when Alec starts tossing out ideas for a second date before the first is even over, Magnus realizes he might not be the only one.

#magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #malec #ShadowhunterBingo #Isabelle Lightwood #i've had this little idea for ages and I'm glad for the excuse to finally run with it!#elle writes a few deadbeat lines #long post

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sugarandspace · 6 years ago

Text

Worried about you

Warning for self-harm!

AO3

Magnus arrived home and took one look at his husband and he knew.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, approaching Alec who was sitting on the couch, deep in thought as his eyes were focused on the hallway that led to their sons’ bedrooms. Alec was hunched over, his elbows on his knees as the fingers of his other hand stroked the skin between his thumb and forefinger. Not in a forceful way that held an intent, but rather in a gentle reminder of what used to be.

It had been almost a year since Magnus had last healed an injury that was left to fester, or one that was not entirely accidental. Magnus knew that there weren’t such thing as being completely out in the clear with a thing like self-harm, but he trusted Alec to tell him if he was struggling. Nevertheless, the action caused a bang in his chest that spread worry all over his mind.

Alec didn’t respond, and only turned his attention to Magnus when he sat down next to him and placed his hand on top of Alec’s, effectively stopping their movement.

“Darling,” he started. “What’s going on?”

“I’m worried,” Alec said, turning his attention to their hands that were now clasped together between them. “About Rafael.”

Their oldest son had been acting distant, hiding in his room more often than usual. The fifteen-year-old was normally calm and liked to keep to himself, but the past few days he had been even more quiet than usual. The fathers had let him be, giving him space while making sure Rafael knew that he could talk to them if something was bothering him.

“Has something happened?” Magnus asked, curious to know if his situation had somehow taken a turn to the worst during the day. Magnus wondered what could cause this kind of reaction in Alec.

“Today when I was leaving the Institute and looking for him so that we could come home together, I found him training,” Alec said, lifting his head up to look Magnus in the eyes. “He was training hard. Which in itself isn’t worrying, we both know how seriously he takes his duties and how hard he works to get even better but - Magnus - he had no form. It was like he had forgotten all he knows about punching a bag and was just going at it for the sake of punching. It didn’t make me think of training, it made me think of - of me.”

“Oh,” Magnus said, feeling his worry increase instantly. He knew what Alec was talking about, was able to remember several times he’s found Alec like that. The memories were painful, and it only added to the pain to know that his son might have the same habit.

“I know he could have just had a bad day,” Alec says, trying to see the other side of things. “Every Shadowhunter does that sometimes. Everyone needs to let out some steam every now and then. But then I started thinking about how he’s been acting lately, and how I used to be at his age. Magnus, what if this isn’t a one time thing? What if he does this often? What if he does something else I did in his age? By the Angel, he has blades in his room, has a bow and arrows there. What if-”

By now Alec had worked himself into a state, his voice desperate as he looked at Magnus for answers.

“Shh,” Magnus hushed him, bringing his arms around Alec to pull him into a hug. “Then we talk to him and help him deal with it.”

“I want him to feel like he can come to us if something is bothering him,” Alec mumbled into Magnus’s shoulder while Magnus brushed his hand up and down Alec’s back in a soothing motion.

“Me too,” Magnus agreed. “But you also know how that’s not always easy. It took a long time for us to start doing that with each other every time something was bothering us, and it was in no way a sign that we didn’t trust each other or our love. You know Rafael, you know how he likes to be independent and not ask for help.”

“I know,” Alec said. “But I think we should talk to him.”

“I agree,” Magnus said. They stayed in their embrace for a moment longer, both of them drawing strength from each other before they stood up and linked their hands, starting to walk towards their son’s closed bedroom door.

“Is Max home?” Magnus asked as they passed his door.

“No,” Alec replied. “He’s staying the night at Madzie’s.”

“Good,” Magnus said. “I wouldn’t want him barging in in the middle of the conversation we’re going to have.”

Knowing Max it wasn’t an unreasonable thing to worry about, since the blue boy had a bad habit of forgetting to knock. They wouldn’t be able to get Rafael to open up if his little brother was going to be in the same room.

Alec knocked on the door and they waited until they heard a faint “come in” from inside the room before turning the handle and walking inside.

Rafael was sitting at his desk, writing something down on a notebook. He turned his head to see who came into the room and upon noticing that both of his parents were there, his brows furrowed and he closed his notebook. He turned his chair around to give his full attention to his fathers who sat down on the edge of Rafael’s bed.

Magnus took notice of Rafael’s hands - his fingers that were slightly swollen and his knuckles that were starting to bruise. He knew Alec had noticed them as well, because Magnus could feel Alec’s grip on his hand tighten.

“What’s going on?” Rafael asked, suspicious of the odd situation. He turned his hands over in his lap, placing them so that his palms were up and most of the damage was hidden.

“We wanted to ask the same thing from you,” Magnus said carefully.

“What?” Rafael asked, trying to keep his expression neutral but both parents could see the flash of alarm in his brown eyes.

“Is something wrong?” Alec asked gently.

Their son looked like a cornered animal and it broke Magnus’ heart. He wanted to know what was going on with Rafael but in order to find out, all he could do was wait.

“I hope you know that you can talk to us about anything,” Alec added when Rafael stayed quiet.

Magnus knew that that was one of Alec’s biggest fears as a parent - for his children to feel like he had felt when he was young. For them to feel like they couldn’t appear weak in front of their parents, and being afraid of coming to them when they needed help or a listening ear.

“It’s stupid,” Rafael said eventually, his eyes falling to his hands.

“It’s not stupid if it’s making you upset,” Magnus said immediately. “Never think like that.”

Their son was quiet for a moment longer before he spoke.

“I wanted to ask Samuel to be my Parabatai,” Rafael said eventually, and the revelation probably shouldn’t have been as surprising as it was.

Samuel was Rafael’s cousin, Clary and Jace’s son. After Rafael had become a part of the family, the boys had quickly become best friends, and had been pretty much inseparable ever since.

“Did he say no?” Alec asked carefully, because that seemed like the most obvious reason to their son’s current mood.

“No,” Rafael said, shaking his head. “I never got the chance to ask him, because I screwed up and we got into this stupid fight and he hasn’t been talking to me. Now I wonder if it was a stupid idea to think that we could be Parabatai.”

“I couldn’t imagine a more fitting pair,” Alec said honestly. “Of course it’s a serious decision and you both should really think about it, but if you both want it I’m sure it’ll work well for you.”

“How could it?” Rafael asks, defencive. “He’s mad a me.”

“Do you have any idea how often your father and your uncle disagree on things?” Magnus asked, trying to encourage his son. “Especially when they were younger.”

“That is true,” Alec agreed. “Your uncle is a troublemaker.”

Rafael laughed a bit at that.

“Not that I don’t agree,” Magnus said, smiling himself. “But my point was that they might disagree and fight, but they agree on the things that matter the most. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship - be it platonic or romantic - that’s always sunshine and flowers. Disagreements are a part of life.”

“Do you think he’ll forgive me?” Rafael asked carefully.

“I don’t know what the argument was about,” Magnus said. “But I have full faith that you two can work it out.”

Rafael nodded, letting the words sink in.

“There was also something else we wanted to talk about,” Alec started hesitantly. “The way you were training today…”

Rafael looked down at his fathers’ feet at that, something resembling of shame crossing his features.

“That was not with the intention to train, was it?” Alec finished carefully.

“Rafe,” Magnus said gently when they got no reply from their son. “Talk to us.”

“It wasn’t,” Rafael said, hesitantly looking at Alec. “I’ve been feeling so frustrated with everything going on and I needed to let out some steam.”

“And did it help?” Alec asked, to which their son only shrugged his shoulders, his chin falling to his chest.

It was quiet for a while, before Alec stood up and took the couple steps that were needed for him to reach Rafael, and then he kneeled down on the floor in front of him, looking him in the eyes.

“I know how it feels,” he started, before he took Rafael’s injured hands to his. “And I also understand the feeling of not wanting to use an iratze right away.”

“It’s-” Rafael started, unsure of what he should say. “It takes my focus away from thinking about the fight.”

Magnus stayed quiet where he was still sitting on the edge of the bed, giving the two Shadowhunters some space. Even though they were not family by blood, the resemblance between Alec and Rafael was striking - their eyes were almost the same shade of brown, the dark hair on top of their heads impossible to tame.

“But does it make you feel better?” Alec asked, to which Rafael shook his head.

“You can’t cure one kind of hurt by adding another,” Alec said seriously, but his tone still kind. “Trust me, I’ve tried. And I know that it might sometimes feel like the easiest way to deal with things or the one you would prefer, but I want you to try to stay away from it. Can you promise me that you’ll try?”

A tear slipped from Rafael’s eye but he nodded, looking at his father with an honest expression. “I’ll try.”

Magnus had a hard time keeping his own tears at bay.

“That’s good,” Alec said with a small smile, reaching up to brush the tear away before he took Rafael’s hands to his again. “Now, can I heal these?”

Rafael nodded, lifting his sleeve to reveal his iratze. Alec took his stele out of his pocket and activated the rune, watching as the bruises faded and the hands returned to their normal state.

“I’m sorry,” Rafael said as he looked at his now healed hands.

“Hey, no.” Alec said immediately, his eyes finding Rafael’s. “You have nothing to apologise for. You hear me?”

Rafael nodded and stood up, causing Alec to stand up as well. He was taken by surprise when Rafael wrapped his arms around Alec’s waist and buried his head to Alec’s chest. Alec reacted quickly though, and wrapped his arms around his son and leaned his head down to leave a kiss on top of his head.

“I love you dad,” Rafael said quietly, and Magnus saw Alec squeeze his eyes tightly shut before he responded, with his voice a bit shaky.

“I love you too Rafe,” he said.

The hug lasted a while but eventually they pulled apart, and Alec reached to dry the fresh tear tracks from Rafael’s cheek. He smiled and squeezed Rafael’s shoulder before he looked at Magnus and left the room.

Magnus stood up as well, but lingered in the room.

“I’m not saying this to make you feel guilty,” Magnus said gently. ” I’m telling you this so you know how serious we are. Your dad was beside himself when he thought this might be an issue that you struggle with. Never feel like you can’t talk to us, or even just one of us, if you feel like that would be easier. You are not alone.”

“I know,” Rafael said quietly as he stepped closer and hugged Magnus as well. Magnus held on tight and stroked his back, waiting for Rafael to move away before he broke the hug.

“I love you papa,” Rafael said, looking Magnus in the eyes.

“And I love you,” Magnus said with a gentle smile on his face.

He waited until Rafael returned the smile and stepped away before he left the room, searching for his husband.

He found Alec from the balcony, watching the city below them. Magnus walked to stand beside his husband and wrapped an arm around his waist, smiling when he felt Alec move closer and place his own hand on top of his.

“He’s going to be fine,” Magnus said, his words quiet but sure.

“I know,” Alec replied and turned to place a kiss to Magnus’ temple. “I know he will.”

#malec #shadowhunters #alec lightwood #magnus bane #rafael lightwood bane #shfanficnexus #my writing #self harm #a heavier fic after yesterday's fluff fest

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faejilly · 6 years ago

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i am for you (11/?)

so apparently this is going to update every other week rather than every week, despite my best intentions. AH WELL. Have some Maryse POV, because she’s my favorite.

None of Maryse's children would tell her anything about Alec's new boyfriend.

Izzy and Jace were an odd combination of amused and confused and possibly worried when she asked. Izzy said he was a professor at UIA, and Jace said Magnus was very... fancy. And then he shrugged liked he'd used up his quota of words on the subject. She thought it was supposed to be a compliment, and Jace was just surprised that Alec liked fancy.

Maryse found she wasn't, but she didn't think she could explain why not in a way that Jace might understand.

Clary grinned and said she didn't want to ruin Maryse's first impression.

Maryse was not at all sure what that meant.

Simon and Maia were there when she asked Clary, so they didn't say anything either, though they at least looked vaguely apologetic as they went along with Clary's decision.

Clary had that effect on people a lot. It was a good thing Clary was fundamentally a good person or she'd probably be leading a cult of some sort within the next decade. She was terrifyingly like her birth parents some times.

She also laughed delightedly at Maryse's expression after refusing to help, and Maryse couldn't help but smile and concede the point. Clary was also wonderfully like her father.

No one would tell Lucian anything about Magnus either, but it didn't seem to bother him as much. When he laughed at Maryse's fretting and pulled her into a hug in the middle of the kitchen to distract her from her fourth or fifth attempt at meal planning, she found she didn't mind too much anymore.

"I think this is going to be really important." Maryse whispered into her husband's neck, unable to make herself speak up. She wasn't entirely sure what she was afraid of, but she could feel the weight of something approaching, and she didn't think it was just surprise that Alec was introducing someone to the family for the first time.

Lucian kissed her temple. "You're usually right about Alec. Important doesn't mean bad or stressful though, or something we need to worry about."

"But I don't know how not to worry."

Lucian laughed again, his chest rumbling against her. "You'll ride it out until it's better, you always do."

"You have such faith in me."

He lifted up her chin and kissed her gently. "You've earned every bit of it."

She kissed him again, just because she could, and decided she'd worry about planning dinner later.

***

saturday

***

[newgroup]

[maia]: so how bad's your hangover, Clary?

[clary]: don't type so loud

[simon]: do I need to bring you some Lewis Hangover Cure™, Fray?

[clary]: oh god. I will give you anything you want [clary]: My firstborn [clary]: MY SOUL [clary]: please

[simon]: like I'd know what to do with a kid. Don't even threaten me with that for a joke.

[clary]: SORRY. THANK YOU. PLS

[simon]: sure thing, gimme 20

[maia]: I'm surprised you managed to drink that much, Alec and Magnus were really distracting

[jace]: What?

[maia]: they were having date night at the club [maia]: you missed Alec dancing again!

[izzy]: Alec was at a club? Wow. And I missed it? Pictures?

[maia]: Pandemonium

[izzy]: damnit

[jace]: that's so [jace]: this is so weird [jace]: I'm not the only one who thinks this is weird, right?

[izzy]: not even a little bit

[clary]: but I think it's a GREAT weird

[maia]: They seemed happy

[jace]: No one else is worried that it's not very... Alec-like?

[izzy]: you've got to trust his judgment Jace, it's his life [izzy]: everyone's allowed one grand impulsive romance, aren't they?

[jace]: look what happened the last time Alec did something out of character

[izzy]: ... [izzy]: that was eight years ago

[jace]: doesn't make it feel any better, does it?

[clary]: are you talking about?

[izzy]: yeah

[maia]: shit

[clary]: I still think it's good weird. But I get why you're worried about him

[jace]: I want to think that [jace]: Magnus does seem like he's as into this as Alec is [jace]: But that could just mean they're both about to crash? [jace]: or we could be completely wrong about Magnus and he's actually a giant dick

[maia]: you can't put it like that, this is a serious conversation and I get entirely where you're coming from but now all I can think about is I bet Alec likes his giant dick and I didn't need to think that

[clary]: 🤣🤣🤣

[izzy]: If you didn't want to think it, why'd you type it?

[maia]: well, once it happened it was too late to pretend it hadn't. No reason not to share.

[clary]: bet Alec doesn't want to share Magnus' giant dick

[izzy]: 👏👏👏

[jace]: 🙄🙄🙄

[jace]: I know I'm probably over-reacting [jace]: I just want him safe and happy and he's never even MENTIONED a guy he's been on A date with, much less a relationship, since he came out and

[izzy]: suddenly he's joined at the hip with a guy we don't know

[jace]: yeah

[izzy]: it's a lot

[maia]: and wow am I glad I'm better at this group message thing than Jace, cuz that'd be one awkward conversation for Alec to walk into later

[jace]: hell yes you are, thanks

[izzy]: As Simon isn't here to do the usual: "because you're the best, Maia"

[maia]: *bows*

***

[tessa]: I know you're working a double today [tessa]: want me to buy you some lunch in-between?

[cat]: I am actually meeting Magnus' Alec for lunch

[tessa]: because if you'd just said Alec I wouldn't have known who you meant?

[cat]: ha. Maybe? It feels like an important descriptor. Would you like to join us? He seems like he's just sort of letting Magnus' friends happen to him.

[tessa]: ha right back at you... that's probably a good way to deal with us though [tessa]: and thank you, but no, he's met you already, that's different than springing a stranger on him. I'll see him Sunday for brunch, after all. Besides, Dot would be so sad if she met him last. I'll savor the suspense for one more day

[cat]: that's very thoughtful of you. [cat]: I could see if Dot can come, and then you'll be the odd one out tomorrow 😉

[tessa]: I doubt she's up yet. Ragnor's observatory nights usually go 'til almost dawn, counting driving back home again.

[cat]: I should really try and go on the next one, I haven't managed it in ages

[tessa]: but sleep!

[cat]: I know! [cat]: when did we get so old?

[tessa]: we'll never be old, kitty cat [tessa]: that's what Ragnor's for. He'll be old for the rest of us

[cat]: but he's the one who can still stay up all night

[tessa]: by napping and ignoring people all day. He was an old man when he was 10, I bet

[cat]: he is a such a lovely old grouch isn't he? [cat]: he definitely knows Alec things he's not sharing, he's got too much smug going on

[tessa]: are we surprised by that?

[cat]: no, just pointing out the obvious I guess [cat]: I think I want to pretend my break's not almost over

[tessa]: you love your job, even when it's exhausting, and you get to meet the pretty six foot tall boy who blushes over lunch!

[cat]: are you going to tell him that that is how I described him?

[tessa]: depends on how pretty he is [tessa]: if he's too pretty I will start talking without realizing it and it might very well happen

[cat]: I'm doomed

[tessa]: really? How delightful. Is he pretty enough to keep up with Magnus?

[cat]: Entirely different sort of pretty, but yes, I think so

[tessa]: amazing. I can't wait 'til Sunday

[cat]: invitation for lunch is still open?

[tessa]: nah, but thanks [tessa]: now get back to work

[cat]: 💙

***

[clary]: so how'd lunch go?

[izzy]: Magnus is delightful and brilliant and gorgeous [izzy]: and tried to get the check even though I invited him [izzy]: but was entirely good natured about it when I paid [izzy]: so [izzy]: better than any of my blind dates [izzy]: and most of my regular dates [izzy]: I'm a little jealous that Alec seems so much better at this than the rest of us

[simon]: speak for yourself

[izzy]: do I need to remind you of your seven-year crush on your best friend the LESBIAN

[clary]: wait, Simon had a crush on me?

[maia]: your best friend the CLUELESS lesbian

[simon]: you did not need to remind me of that, no [simon]: and yes I did. It was really obvious. I had more than a couple baristas & waiters either offer sympathy or tell me to just ask you out over the years. They saw us together for five minutes and they knew. [simon]: pretty sure they could tell from the ISS

[clary]: REALLY?

[izzy]: really really

[clary]: my whole word has wobbled, I don't know what to do with this [clary]: do you think I'm that oblivious to GIRLS who like me too?

[jace]: yes

[izzy]: yes

[maia]: yes

[simon]: you're even worse, girls actively try and hit on you rather than pining like I did and you don't notice

[clary]: well. Fuck.

[maia]: only there's not fucking, isn't that the problem?

[izzy]: you are X rated today, are you a little frustrated?

[simon]: I don't know if that's a dig at me or Maia, but either way: HEY

[maia]: maybe I just feel sorry for the rest of you that you're not getting laid on the regular like I am [maia]: and Alec, apparently

[jace]: ew [jace]: why is it always about sex

[izzy]: you've had sex and you know we all have sex

[jace]: yeah, but [jace]: it's nice exercise? [jace]: I mean. I don't mind it [jace]: but I don't get it

[simon]: I still want to make you a shirt [simon]: Jace is Ace. Maybe Jace The Ace! [simon]: it rhymes!

[izzy]: you're such a dork

[simon]: but you love me anyway! That's what family's for

[izzy]: I do, unfortunately

[simon]: 😜

[jace]: we're all going to be there on Sunday right?

[clary]: I think so [clary]: did Maryse try and ask you guys about Magnus, too?

[izzy]: yeah, Jace called him *fancy*

[jace]: was I wrong?

[izzy]: no, but I don't think that helped Mom figure out what to make for dinner

[jace]: well I don't know what he likes to eat, what was I supposed to say?

[maia]: that he looked at Alec like he hung the moon and stars [maia]: I'm assuming that's the kind of thing a Mom would like to hear

[simon]: and it's not like it's even an exaggeration

[clary]: they're adorable

[jace]: weird but good. Right. Why am I nervous? I'm not the one bringing a date to meet the parents

[izzy]: oh wow imagine if he actually had to meet all our parents

[jace]: I have like five options & they're all terrible except Maryse

[maia]: Terrible or dead. Ghost parents?

[simon]: well that's a horrifying mental image

[clary]: My mom would be a kick-ass ghost

[simon]: your mom was a kick-ass everything

[clary]: she was, wasn't she? [clary]: I still miss her

[simon]: we always will

[izzy]: would it be terribly insensitive of me to say I *wish* I could miss my dad?

[simon]: horrifyingly so, holy shit Izzy [simon]: but still fair. I get it [simon]: but counter suggestion [simon]: if he was the kind of guy you could miss your Mom probably wouldn't have left the way she did, and none of you would be here, and I don't want to imagine Alicante without the Lightwoods

[izzy]: awww. Same. I feel like I'd miss you guys, though I wouldn't know what I was missing

[maia]: it'd be quieter [maia]: I mean boring. which would be... bad [maia]: I Can Not Even Imagine hOw dUll our lives would be It would be Awful

[jace]: I can hear the sarcasm across town there

[maia]: hey. If I really didn't like you guys I'd tell you to your face

[clary]: she makes a good point

[jace]: doesn't mean she can go five minutes without sniping at us

[maia]: why should I? you fuss so pretty when I do

[izzy]: I finally figured out why she likes Alec best, they're both assholes

[maia]: it's a feature, not a bug!

[clary]: I feel like we should make a follow-up to this morning's dick jokes via Magnus appreciating Alec's ass [clary]: but I also feel like if I do that Jace might murder me in my sleep

[jace]: so you did it in the hypothetical in an attempt to have your cake and eat it too?

[izzy]: Cake is not a better choice of metaphor if you want to get away from the sex talk

[jace]: you are all terrible why do I talk to you

[simon]: uh, because we're adorable and you love us

[jace]: that sounds fake but ok

[clary]: we love you too, Jace

[jace]: 😔 [jace]: 🖤

[izzy]: 😘

***

sunday

***

Maryse opened the door for Alec and his date and knew immediately what Clary meant. She couldn't blame Maia or Simon at all. Magnus Bane was stunning. On several levels.

She always knew Alec had good taste.

Magnus was polite and charming, and for all he'd claimed to be "a reasonable amount of nervous" he didn't show a bit of it. Alec was a little tense, but easily distracted by Magnus' everything, and he had such a smile every time their eyes met. Maryse wasn't sure she'd ever seen the like.

It was a good dinner. Conversation never flagged, Jace and Lucian easily talking about the people they'd worked with the past week. Simon's brain was clearly still half caught in the song he was currently writing, but he focused back in enough to tell them all that Maia had aced her last lab report. Maia sputtered a little but accepted all their congratulations. Clary told them about her current art project, while Izzy complained about her pathology class in a tone of voice that was clearly more delighted than annoyed. Magnus told them all about his and Alec's crossed-email-chain, and Maryse had to admit it was a charming story. Almost enough to make one believe in fate giving them a hand. That or the University servers were haunted by helpful ghosts.

Lucian cleared the table when everyone was done, and Izzy leaned across the table toward Alec. "So, did you warn him?"

"Warn me about what?" Magnus flicked a glance back and forth, and Clary giggled.

Alec rolled his eyes. "We're not really—"

"'Course we are," Simon interrupted. "We always do."

Alec groaned, and Magnus turned towards Maryse with wide-eyes and lifted eyebrows.

"We found half an old board game in the pantry when we moved in," Maryse said.

"We think it was supposed to be one of those dumb date night or newlywed 'how well you know your partner' things." Clary added. "But we've uh. Adapted it."

Magnus tilted his head, aimed a loud stage whisper at Alec. "What does that mean and why did you make that noise?"

"They're going to ask a bunch of really stupid questions off of cards and then laugh at everyone’s answers."

Magnus blinked. "That sounds harmless."

Jace scoffed. "Should say that to Kaelie and Maureen and Jordan and Meliorn and Louisa and Andrew..."

Maia smacked Jace on the shoulder. "Pretty sure that had more to do with Lightwoods being scary intense rather than a party game."

"And Magnus has already survived that!" Izzy grinned. "And to be fair, some of them we're much better off without. Alec seems to have better taste in dates than the rest of us."

"Wouldn't take much," Lucian muttered as he sat next to Maryse again. "Sometimes I worry about our children."

Maryse leaned over and kissed him on the temple, lingering for a moment against the warmth of his skin to hum her agreement.

"Ha ha," Clary blew him a kiss. "You love us."

"That I do, kiddo." Lucian agreed. "Now, are we going to subject Magnus to our interrogation here, or in the living room?"

Alec rolled his eyes. "I promise it's not really an interrogation."

Magnus laughed, and pushed back from the table. He offered Alec a hand up. "I'm not worried. But I presume you'd like a bit more room to stretch your legs?"

Alec's smile lit up the whole room, and he took Magnus' hand. "Thanks."

They headed toward the living room, and Maryse blinked at their backs. She had a feeling she'd underestimated things when she'd thought Magnus might be important to Alec. She had a sneaking suspicion he was surprisingly close to vital already, after only a week or two.

It was slightly terrifying, but she'd never been happier for him.

It really wasn't an interrogation. They went around to everyone with the questions off the game cards; it was a chance for Magnus to break through the Lightwood united front as much as it was a chance for them to get to know Magnus.

Well, and Lucian did always keep a close eye on anyone their children thought worth bringing home. He hadn't been a cop in almost twenty years, but some habits he'd kept. He seemed relaxed tonight, leaning against Maryse's side and laughing warmly at some of the answers.

"Adjunct?" Izzy asked Magnus. "That's your least favorite word."

"Look at a university employment contract for part-time and entry-level teaching or research positions." Magnus waved a hand elegantly through the air, light glinting off his rings and catching in the matte finish of his dark blue nail polish. "'Adjunct' is the devil's word."

"Why are you so concerned about Magnus' answer?" Alec asked, though he was smiling as he spoke. "It wasn't even his question."

"There's nothing funny about moist." Clary shuddered. "I agree with Izzy on that answer completely."

Maryse shook her head. "But now it's actually Magnus' turn." She reached her hand out until Jace passed her the box, and she pulled out the next card. "What was the first thing you said when you met?" Maryse glanced up from the card at Alec and Magnus.

Alec lifted his chin as his mouth curled up into half a smile. "Pretty sure I apologized."

"You did, quite prettily, and then I asked you if you believed in fate." Magnus was holding Alec's hand, and his thumb moved gently across Alec's knuckles, and they both looked so peaceful, so content, leaning against each other and settled on the couch.

She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen Alec so simply happy, and she agreed with Magnus' word again, that odd sensation of fate, of destiny, almost tangible when they looked at each other.

"That's the email though, right, the one that didn't go to Professor Fell." They both did a surprisingly well-timed shrug-nod maneuver, and Maryse's eyes narrowed. There was something. She was missing something. "What was the first thing you said, though, when you met in person?"

Alec went a little too still, and looked at Magnus, and it was such a speaking sort of look, she recognized a silent conversation when she saw one. Magnus exhaled, and she could hear a shudder in the sound, and had a feeling she'd found the thing she was looking for.

"Magnus?" Alec's voice was soft, and so tender that Maryse's throat ached.

"Alexander." Magnus' eyes were too bright, and Maryse couldn't swallow.

"Marry me." The entire room was still, and she didn't think her family had ever been so quiet, even when they were all sleeping.

"Ok." Magnus smiled, and Maryse forgot how to breathe. "Kiss me?"

"God, yes."

Alec and Magnus leaned into each other, the small space between them disappearing as they kissed, and there was something so fragile in the lift of Magnus' chin, in the way Alec's fingers brushed against Magnus' jaw, that Maryse could feel the hot prick of tears in her eyes.

It was still so quiet she could hear the kiss, could hear their lips part, the way they breathed, even as Magnus lifted his hand to hold Alec's fingers against his jaw, to keep them both so close together.

"And then Lydia interrupted us." Alec's voice was so full of love that Maryse wondered if she'd remember how to breathe again before she died.

"Which is probably good." Magnus' voice had a hint of a wry twist, but underneath that it was just as heartbreakingly sincere as Alec's. "Or we might have gotten in trouble for indecent behavior in a public bus-stop."

Alec laughed, and the shiver in the air broke, and Maryse inhaled as he and Magnus leaned back against the couch and turned to face the rest of them.

"What!" Izzy stood up, and her face was a twist of about ten different emotions, and the only one making it out into her voice was shock.

"Izzy." Jace hissed, and grabbed her hand to hold her still. He had the same tangle of conflicted feelings visible in his eyes, but on him the overwhelming conclusion looked closer to grief.

"But?" Izzy gestured back and forth, and her eyes were much too wide, worry and confusion.

Maryse looked at Alec, and she smiled. She recognized that look in his eyes.

"Congratulations," Maryse lifted her voice to make sure no one interrupted. She looked at Magnus, at the glint of surprise he hadn't tried to hide at her reaction, and felt her smile widen. "Welcome to the family, Magnus."

"Maryse," Lucian's voice was low beside her, and she turned and she smiled at him, and saw his breath catch at something in her face.

"Sometimes you just know. Just like I knew when we washed up here." She leaned forward a little, her hand balanced on his thigh, staring into his eyes. He had such beautiful eyes. "I didn't know how we'd get there, or when, but I looked up into your face and you smiled at me and I knew. This was it."

He smiled back then, just as beautiful and startled as that first one years ago, and shook his head just a little. "Wish you'd told me that a little sooner, it would have made some things much less stressful for me."

"Sometimes a little worry's good for you." She leaned forward enough to kiss him before she made herself stand up.

She walked over to Alec and reached down to tug him up out of the couch and hug him properly. When she let go she lifted a hand and placed it on his cheek, and his eyes were damp and she was pretty sure hers had overflowed by now, faint warm tracks down her cheeks. "You have always been much too much like me for your own good, my boy."

She patted Alec on the arm, and leaned around him to include Magnus in her smile. Magnus stared back with something that was a cross between a shocked deer-in-headlights and honest adoration, completely ignoring the tears welling up in his eyes that were such a close mirror to her own. "I hope you like the idea of a large family, Magnus, because you're stuck with us."

She stepped back, and wiped her hands together, and exhaled. She ignored Jace, who was staring at her with his mouth half-open like a landed fish, and Izzy, who wasn't really any better but at least had her mouth closed. She smiled at their other children, almost all of them, we're so close now, so soon, Clary with her hands over her mouth and Simon with his lips pressed too close together holding in a nervous joke or three and Maia, the only one Maryse thought maybe understood what she meant about washing up against the place, the people, that were about to become home.

Maia had had such a wary look on her eyes when Luke had hired her, as if she'd never thought she'd find a safe place to stand again, and wasn't quite sure how to trust this one, no matter how much she wanted it, needed it. But she'd made herself try, made herself stay, because somehow she'd known that this was her chance.

She had that look sometimes still, as if she was afraid someday it might all fall apart, even now. It happened a lot less often than it used to, and that was good enough. Some day they'd get rid of it completely, Maryse was sure.

As sure as she'd been of Lucian. And now Alec's Magnus.

"And I think this calls for some wine!" Maryse grinned, and spun around and left the room.

"I think I'm in love with your mother, Alexander." Magnus' voice drifted out behind her, and Alec laughed so hard he snorted, and Maryse felt so light she thought she might float all the way to the wine and back.

#jilly writes #shadowhunters #malec #maryse lightwood #lightwood family feels #my sh fic #i am for you #this is the most ridic thing I've ever written #and that's saying something #I go ALL OUT #when I write fluff #pls enjoy the ridiculous with me #<3

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takaraphoenix · 6 years ago

Text

Shadowhunters Finale Review

...I can’t even summarize my thoughts properly right now because I am just so wildly exhausted and disappointed and frustrated, so here’s the unfiltered running commentary I made during the two-parter, sorted by characters and due to length beneath the cut:

On Jonathan:

Jonathan back at it again, killing flowers. ~puuure eeeviiil~ (Sorry. Still not over Jocelyn being a fucking dickhead who is ready to murder her son over one dead flower he killed as a toddler...)

...I just... I'm so tired of what they did with Jonathan? When they set him up as Sebastian Verlac, he seemed to layered, but this season, they are completely reducing him to the Incest Boi whose only motivation is “Clary doesn't love me enough!” and absolutely no one has even half a fuck to give about everything he has suffered...? Every abuse that is driving him and forged him...?

He could have been such a layered character. I'm not even talking redemption wise, to use the abuse to make him A Good Boi, but he could have been such an interesting villain, there could have been so much to him. This is stupid and sad.

But I am chocking on my laughter at the Seelie Queen literally teaching him WHAT HE COULDA BEEN TAUGHT FROM THE GET GO. To channel his powers. Granted, she channels them into killing Shadowhunters. But they could have been channeled into killing demons.

With the right parent, the right training, without living in hell and being tortured, he could have been an exceptional Shadowhunter. But let's pretend that he is Truly Inherently Evil only because of his demon blood and hey it's legit because he wants to bang his sister so who cares about this guy LOL.

HOLY SHIT THEY REALLY MADE CLARY MURDER HIM WITH A HUG. What a fucking way to go. I don't... I don't even know what to say to that to be honest.

On Clary:

WHAT THE FUCK HAS SHE DONE??

“How do I come back after everything I've done”. What. What line is that. That's the line they could have given Jace in the first episode of 3B. You know, the guy who saw his own body commit 30+ murders, among them the murder of his own grandmother.

What... What's that everything Clary has done? Dress hotter than usual? Go to a rave? Try some Seelie drugs? Sure she killed Lenaia, but that was also a chick she didn't even know and so far she's not been very traumatized by like – killing her own biological father (seriously, the writers never bothered to give her a genuine reaction to that). Way to be overdramatic, writers.

Shitty Ex Machina Rune's existence aside; WHY does the Ex Machina Rune work?? RUNES DON'T WORK ON DOWNWORLDERS. That was like a whole thing in season 1. They kill mundies and they don't work on Downworlders?? Why the fuck is Clary allowed to play – not just an angel but an actual god at this point.

(But y'all know I am going to use this shitty dumb stupid rune in so many fanfiction.)

...But like holy shit. It is so callous to have her say that she wouldn't trade the Shadow World for anything and that “and I met Jace” like he brought all light into her life when the Shadow World killed her mother. Have the writers just completely forgotten that a month ago she lost her mother, her only biological family left?? Ah but it's totally fine because she has Jace now!!! And even though we literally started the episode off with her being devastated and wondering how she will ever come back after everything she has done, they are now only half an hour later already forgetting that she has just gone through major trauma, that she murdered her own father, that she lost her mother? But oh the Shadow World is super awesome, wouldn't wanna trade those past two, utterly traumatizing months for anything!!! Not even for my mom being alive LOL! Just... do the writers even care about the characters? At all?

HOLY FUCKING GODS THEY REMEMBERED JOCELYN. FUCK THIS IS RIDICULOUS ESPECIALLY AFTER HER CONVERSATION WITH SIMON IN EDOM. I am baffled. But I am 100% behind Jocelyn's message because Clary has been a scary motherfucker all this season now with all the things she has done and the rule-breaking. Fuck yeah she shouldn't be allowed to play God, which she DOES at this point.

But like, on a scale of 1 to 10 how dumb did they have to make Clary? Out of all of the ways she could have killed Jonathan, they decided “Nah man she is totally giving up her Shadowhunter self to hug her brother to death” instead of having Miss Stabby-Stab-Stab pull out a dagger and stab him to death? She literallly just got the warning and decides “LOL nope this is how I go out”. What---

There is a huge difference between a character sacrificing themselves for the greater good because there was 100% no other way and a character somehow turning a completely manageable situation into a self-sacrifice that is completely unnecessary... She could have just stabbed him. Or, you know, captured him with a trick instead of murdering. She could have stayed a Shadowhunter without using the Deus Ex Machina runes, living like a normal Shadowhunter. But they really made her go “If I can't play god, I'd rather give up the Shadow World”.

What the fuck even was that “One Year Later”. They literally just wasted a whole year since C/ace reuniting had zero negative effect on her? She didn't combust or anything. They could have literally went after her the day of the wedding, explained amnesia to her and brought her back. But the writers had to be dramatic bitches that put Jace through hell again, huh.

And what exactly did she believe happened? Like, Jocelyn and Luke and Simon?? Basically everyone she ever knew? What did she think happened to them and to herself? She just decided to go back to art school or what? Did they even think about this ending?

Honestly. It'd have been better had they actually Donna Nobled her and said she can never remember and has to be a mundie. But this? This year gap and bullshit and C/ace looking at each other and she suddenly remembers his name because True Love Wins? That makes it even dumber.

On Jace & Meliorn: (I'm trying to give each character their own for the finale, but... I can't separate those two in this case)

THAT STARTLED LITTLE BACKING OFF JACE DOES WHEN MELIORN TAKES IT TO THE BEDROOM. If that wasn't a coming on from Meliorn, I don't know what is. I am definitely living for this little bit of Jeliorn because that was a ship I was sure I'd never get to see proper interactions of. So, small blessings.

Hng. Jace can't lie. How pretty. Seriously his bond with Meliorn is like the saving grace from all of this. And how much fun Meliorn is having with this. Oh my gods my shipper heart is soaring.

SERIOUSLY I AM LIVING FOR THIS. “A serious question. How handsome do you think I am?” WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK THAT. Because you want to let my shipper-heart beat some. Thank you, Meliorn, personally, for my life. (Not to mention the answer. A NINE?? Jace. You so pansexual and into handsome Downworlders. It's canon now and I am blessed.)

I'm just absolutely living for Jace getting to interact with a non-Clary and a non-Alec (especially since all of his Alec-interactions this half-season have only been about Ma/ec...). It's... so refreshing to see them use Jace as... a character... instead of a prop. Even if he's played as a comic relief, I am taking so much more from this.

(ALSO: Jimon sparring! Jimon sparring and JACE BOOPING SIMON'S NOSE WHAT THE FUCK.)

On Alec:

What's with Maryse telling him to “take time to mourn”? What the fuck is that? XD He has literally been in Edom and gone back too. There's always been ways in and out. You're sure fast to bury him.

But also, maybe Alec should focus on the way to bring Magnus back instead of planning this fucking stupid wedding. You'd need your groom first.

Tonight. They're literally... I am weeping at how stupid this is. They got engaged yesterday and are getting married today. I had... actual, dumb hopes that the wedding would happen after a time skip. But I forgot this show doesn't know what time is. Ahahaha. Hilarious.

But holy shit am I angry about him being all dodgy and asking Maryse's permission to invite his own father to his wedding. Like. I am very rationally angry about the fact that all the kids sided with their abusive mother over their father, but that they are really all just treating him like that now is insane. Sure, he cheated on their mother, but he is still their father?? He has still been their father and he has been the good parent. If you can forgive Maryse's abuse just like that, how do you hold Robert cheating on Maryse over him like that? This is absolutely insane. What kind of priorities do those writers have to fuck it up this badly? Like the “oh no dad cheated on you let us all comfort you and totally forget the shitty way you have been treating your children!!!” wasn't bad enough on its own, but that they are completely acting like Robert was not just the cheating husband but somehow also the bad parent now? If this is where the show wanted to end it, they should have from the get-go also written him as the bad parent and her as the good parent, then I'd understand this, I'd understand the taking sides thing, the way they all completely turned away from Robert, the way Maryse blossomed and turned into an entirely different character. That ALL would make sense IF they hadn't decided in the first season and in 2B to write Robert as the warm rather and Maryse as the cold and abusive mother. The starting points and end points don't match.

On Magnus:

Magnus. On that throne. In that light. Now that's a look, to be honest.

Also, awkward conversations with the stepmother are very amusing. :D” (But, honestly, Anna and Harry playing off each other is really great. They play the power-dynamic really fascinating.)

Magnus being like “Well no need to close the door if we burn down the place right?” is a mood. It's so stupid and ridiculous, but like it's right. XD”

I'm glad Magnus at least said thank you to Lorenzo and even invited him to the wedding.

I genuinely don't know how to react to “High Warlock of Alicante” to be honest. Like. I don'T know what to say to that.

On Maia:

...I'd like to live in the alternate reality where Maia was more than just her relationships to boys. I'm still let down by the fact that the one (1) badass shot she got in the trailer was literally her walking away from Jordan's funeral fire, with her other ex and her future boyfriend flanking her from either side. If that doesn't summarize this show, I don't know what does.

And while I admire her decision to reconnect with her parents, it also seems rather messed up considering she literally just decided to be The Alpha. So let's leave the pack that has suffered so many recent losses... all alone. That's... not exactly Alpha behavior, even if it is the right thing for her as an individual at that point.

I mean like yeah sure she came back to become an Alpha, but still it's—a weird choice.

BAT BAT EXISTS BAT IS THERE I LOVE BAT HE GOT TO SPEAK. I am so so salty that he didn't get developed properly, that his relationship with Maia didn't get fully fleshed out.

On Isabelle & Simon:

Isabelle as the Human Torch is sure a very nice visual, to be honest.

(ALSO HELEN! HELEN! HELEN! I am 200% sure I can ship Aline/Helen/Isabelle in peace now. Don't @ me.) Though explain to me why Helen doesn't get the fuck away from Isabelle ASAP after realizing that Downworlders turn Isabelle into basically a bomb? I mean, she is half-Seelie.

...and can everyone maybe focus on “Izzy now catches fire when she is touching Downworlders” instead of “SHE WAS KISSING SIMON!!!”...? Like, priorities, dudes?

And how did she conclude “I explore when I touch demon blood. I should totally go to Edom! The place where demons live!”... and act like that should totally “”shield”” her from the atmosphere? What... logic goes into that? I'm serious, someone explain to me why “I explode when I come in contact with demonic stuff” leads to “but I'ma be extra safe in hell where all demonic things live and the very atmosphere should be demonic!!!”...

And Simon and Isabelle... kiss once... like... literally once and the next time they get a moment of being shown alone they literally already fucked. This show... knows that... you can actually go on dates and have a relationship with... oh no never mind this show has never heard the word “pacing” before I forgot sorry LOL

On Luke:

...But like why did his runes return though. I mean, getting turned into a Downworlder like... burned the runes away. They were gone. Why would him no longer being a Downworlder also immediately reapply all of his runes.

I don't know if I really like this, to be quite honest. I don't feel like we know enough about Luke for me to know what to feel about this? Like, he said he didn't want to be alpha and he's been turned against his will sure, but he's been a wolf for like 20 years now. It's... I don't know what to feel on this. Like, he seems really happy about this, but it also feels incredibly cheap due to the show never actually focusing on his thoughts and feelings??

Okay no now that I'm through with it I actually actively hate it. He should have become mundie. Erase it all. Let him live a mundie life with Clary.

On Lorenzo:

I love how Lorenzo brings up the Downworld Council. SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT TOO. What the fuck happened to that. But nope, SoRrY Lorenzo you are just here to save Magnus. Again. (Others too, but still. It's once again for selfish reasons of helping the Shadowhunters with shit.)

I really like where they took his character. I thought he was just going to be a shallow prop to take Magnus down. Petty and empty. But that they actually give him growth and personality and a personal goal and that they also made him rekindle with Magnus after admitting what he truly wants? That was... actually good. That was more than I ever expected from those writers. Huh.

ALSO FUCK ME I AM 100% BEHIND LORENZO/UNDERHILL.

On Max:

MAAAAX!!! MAX WITH GLASSES! MAX BEING PRECIOUS! He is literally the only thing about episode 22 that I liked. Like that entire final episode was a fucking shit-show.

On Raphael:

Honestly at this point just fuck this show. It is his father’s wedding and he is a mundane. But let’s just have him interact with his ex and her new guy so he can give them his blessing instead of having him actually interact with Magnus.

#Shadowhunters #Shadowhunters Spoilers #Shadowhunters Review

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malecsecretsanta · 6 years ago

Text

Merry Christmas, @Taupefox59!

Hooray, happy holidays, Taupefox59! I hope you like your gift! <3

This is an idea that I've had bouncing around in my head since I first watched the show, and this event finally gave me the perfect excuse to dig into it. I hope it turned out well! I love soulmate AUs so much, and yet I haven't really written them all that much in the past, so this was really fun for me.

Enjoy!!

Read on AO3

*****

Aurum Infinitum

Alec is lucky: the first color he ever sees is bright, brilliant gold.

The party is continuing all around him, Downworlders of all stripes and creeds moving and talking and dancing, the music thumping, the lights low. Alec doesn’t notice any of it. His world has narrowed completely. There is absolutely nothing, nothing, except the gold — beautiful golden eyes, with pupils like a cat’s. The color is... well, he has no words to describe it, no way to even come close. It’s alive, shifting and shimmering even as he watches, hints of white and orange catching in the low light.

He takes a deep, shuddering breath in, as though he’d been drowning, and it’s only then that he realizes that Jace has been saying his name, has grabbed his shoulder and shaken him.

“Alec, what the hell?” Jace demands, and Alec rips his eyes away.

Jace, he finds, is golden too — his hair, at least. But it’s different; paler, less vivid, less… just less.

“Uh,” he says, which is not exactly the finest or wisest thing he’s ever come up with, but, well, given the circumstances, he thinks he can be excused.

“Alec?” asks a different voice, and like a magnet Alec’s gaze snaps back to… their target. Oh, God. This, Alec realizes, is Magnus Bane.

“That’s me,” he chokes, batting 0 for 2 on saying things that don’t make him sound like an idiot. Now that he’s looking at them again, he cannottear his gaze away from Magnus’ beautiful golden eyes. Worse, he can’t even bring himself to want to.

“What a lovely name,” Bane says smoothly, taking a step forward. He’s putting up a good front, but Alec’s a smart guy; there’s something about him that’s trembling just slightly, tucked away beneath the surface. The world has narrowed again, to just the two of them, just Alec and the High Warlock of Brooklyn, who has incredible eyes, who has brought Alec color, who —

Who, evidently, is his soulmate.

This had not exactly been a part of the original plan.

—

Alec has never minded not seeing color. He and most everyone he knows dress all in black anyway, and surely the Institute can’t be that impressive; the interior is mostly wood, stone, and glass. There are more important things, he’s always thought, than shade and hue — and much more important things than daydreaming about meeting his soulmate, about color dripping into his world, about true love. He can count on one hand the number of Shadowhunters he knows who can see color, anyway. Their lifestyle doesn’t exactly lend itself well to storybook romance.

His parents, after all, are just as colorblind as him, and their lives are fine. Hodge can’t see color, and he’s okay. Jace, Izzy — they’re in the same boat, too. What does he need with color? What will he ever need with it? His world functions just fine in black and white.

—

“Okay, what is going on?”

Jace sounds absolutely pissed, once again ripping Alec’s attention away from Bane, coming to stand between them, hackles up. Some distant corner of Alec’s mind — a tiny bit of it that’s neither blank nor buzzing with something new and electric, tracking traces of yellow-orange-white-gold as they start to spread around the room and truly populate his vision — manages to take note of the fact that honestly, he’s sort of surprised his parabatai can’t somehow tell what’s just happened.

The thought crashes over him as though a bucket of ice water has just been dumped on his head. How on earth is he supposed to explain this? He stares at Jace, terrified, and no words come out of his mouth. His gaze moves to Izzy, skipping over the Mundane, but his sister is just looking at him with concern and caution and something calculating warring in her face, and he can’t think of what to say to her, either. He looks down at the ground, or at least he tries to; unbidden, his eyes creep up every inch of Magnus Bane, standing there just inside Alec’s personal space, from his fancy leather shoes to the tips of his artfully spiked hair.

“You,” he tries, then chokes on his own tongue a bit. Bane just looks amused.

“Me,” he says. “Apparently.”

Alec flushes, but that, evidently, is what it takes to snap him out of his haze, thank God. “You — we — we should — do you have a safe place?” he asks, because there’s an assassin dead at his feet, an assassin that he just shot, and probably none of them are safe here, if Valentine’s found them. “Or, can you — can you come with us? To the Institute?”

Bane quirks a small smile at him; Alec’s not sure what part of what he just said is amusing, but it doesn’t seem like a cruel sort of smile, so he tries not to let himself get worked up about it.

“I prefer the former option,” Bane murmurs, sounding a bit sardonic and dry. “I’m afraid I’d rather avoid Nephilim at the moment — present company excluded, of course.”

Right. That makes sense. Valentine, after all. And — well — Alec hasn’t quite had time yet to process the fact that his soulmate is a Downworlder, though he’s sure that’s a panic attack or seven just waiting to happen, but at any rate it makes some level of sense that the Institute wouldn’t be the most comfortable place for someone like Bane. They don’t exactly… put a lot of effort into making it a comfortable, accessible place for non-Shadowhunters. Should that bother him more, since he’s now bound to a non-Shadowhunter? Will it, given time?

Alec shakes his head, desperately trying to clear his thoughts. “Okay,” he says quietly, and meets Bane’s eyes again, feeling his entire body shiver, feeling that beautiful gold color all but swallow him up. “Uh, we can go to your place, then. If you don’t — if you don’t mind.”

“Hold on a minute,” Jace says, choosing this moment to butt in again. He still sounds incredibly angry, and confused, and lost, and it makes the rune on Alec’s hip buzz harshly. “We’re not going anywhere without —”

“Jace,” Alec cuts in, tearing his gaze away from Bane again to pin his parabatai with a stare instead. “He’s my soulmate.”

Jace’s mouth drops open. Clary, who’s been mostly silent in this whole exchange, lets out a soft gasp. Isabelle just looks like some long-held suspicion has been confirmed; when Alec glances at her instinctually, seeking support, her eyes are soft and diamond-hard at the same time, and he knows she’s on his side, just like always.

No one seems inclined to actually say anything, and the longer they stay here, in this club, with pulsing music and dark, colorful lighting and the press of bodies all around, with his parabatai staring at him like he’s suddenly become a stranger and his fucking soulmate — his very male, very warlock soulmate — standing too close and too far away all at once, the more tension creeps up Alec’s spine.

“Can we go?” he snaps, and it spurs Izzy into motion; she grabs Clary, who grabs Jace, and Bane, expression unreadable, waves a portal into existence behind them, then steps through it without a word.

Alec follows quickly, not wanting to lose him, almost forgetting about everyone else as he trips as fast as possible through the purple haze, not even caring what he finds on the other side.

—

Portal travel isn’t exactly comfortable at the best of times, and Alec’s already feeling pretty shaken up at the moment, so at first, that’s what he attributes the sensory overload on the other side of the portal to.

Then, as he stumbles a little and regains his balance, his bow still gripped tightly in his fist, he recognizes the shouts and cries of battle, and realizes that there is a lot more going on here than he bargained for.

“Shit,” Bane breathes, beside him, and an instinct Alec can barely stand to think about has him stepping protectively in front of his soulmate; in his periphery, Jace and Isabelle have both dropped immediately into fighting stances, and even Clary looks like she has her wits about her, her shoulders set in a defensive line.

“It’s the Circle,” Jace says shortly. “Has to be.”

“Split up,” Alec responds, by way of agreement, but he doesn’t follow his own command, at least not exactly. He lets Jace and Izzy and Clary peel away, but he stays with Bane, completely unwilling to leave him.

“Bane,” he starts, but he’s cut off before he can say anything else with a finger held up to his lips, shushing him.

“Magnus,” Bane says, smiling at him for just a split second despite the circumstances. “If we’re soulmates, than I think we should be on a first-name basis. Don’t you agree, Alexander?”

Alec blinks, flushing. That’s — fair enough, he supposes. This whole situation has spun completely out of his control so fast. He shakes it off as best he can, turning back to strategy, which he’s more than familiar with. “Magnus, then. Where — where’s the most important, defensible place in this lair? We should start gathering people up and sending them there, and then establish a perimeter around it if we can.”

“Good idea,” Magnus says, his eyes flashing. “My office. My wards are down, somehow, but my defenses are strongest there. Come on.” And just like that, he turns and walks away, not hesitating or waiting to see if Alec’s following him.

The loft is full of the sounds of fighting — Alec catches a snatch of a yell that sounds like Clary, but she doesn’t sound like she’s in pain so much as victorious, so hopefully that’s fine; he doesn’t stop to check — and there are so many rooms and hallways flashing by him that Alec is having trouble keeping track, but he follows Magnus, who of course seems to know exactly where he’s going. It is his lair, after all.

They step into what looks to be a sitting room, and Magnus freezes suddenly in the doorway, gesturing quickly for Alec to stay out of sight. Alec isn’t sure why, at first, until he sees the Circle member, rune obvious on his neck even under long blond hair, who’s standing over a body on the other side of the room. Alec melts back into the shadows even as he nocks an arrow; better to keep the element of surprise for as long as they can.

“My office is just there,” Magnus breathes, only barely loud enough for Alec to catch from behind him. He nods very slightly in the direction of a doorway branching off from the main room, but before he can do or say anything else, the Circle member straightens up, turns, and freezes at the sight of him.

“Well, well,” he says, and even if he weren’t so obviously a member of the Circle, Alec would have hated him immediately based on his voice alone. He sounds smug, and arrogant, and absolutely certain that Magnus will go down just as easily as whatever poor bastard he’d been standing over when they got here. “Magnus Bane himself.”

Magnus doesn’t say anything, but he does knock over a bookshelf between himself and the Circle member. It creates a little bit of a barrier, but more importantly, Alec notices, it blocks off the entrance to the office. The circle member doesn’t seem to notice, though; he just steps forward casually.

“Your magic’s strong, warlock,” he says, smirking, his grip on his seraph blade almost insouciant. “Much stronger than that horned weakling I killed this morning.”

Alec frowns, wracking his brain to try and remember if he’d heard any references to a warlock death reported this morning, if there’s any way they might be able to identify the victim or any evidence that the Institute was at all aware that the Circle has been killing warlocks in the city all fucking day, apparently. Magnus, though, seems to already know exactly what’s going on here.

“Elias,” he breathes, and when Alec spares a glance over at him the pain on his face is obvious. So not even just some random warlock, then, but someone Magnus knows. Knew. People in the High Warlock’s inner circle are being killed.

Magnus sends a gust of magic at the Circle member, which he neatly ducks under; he comes up out of his crouch already smirking again, and Alec, still just out of sight, trains his bow directly on the man’s throat, ready to shoot the instant he stops giving out useful information.

“That was his name,” the man agrees, grinning, circling around Magnus a little. “Lucky for us, he sold you out. Before I took his warlock mark.” He adds the last thing with a smug little jerk of his eyebrows, and that’s even worse than the news that Magnus had been betrayed by one of his own. The casual cruelty of it has Alec wincing, his grip tightening.

The Circle member lashes out suddenly, seraph blade flashing, but Magnus, palms aglow with blue fire, slips sideways to avoid it, the pair of them still circling around each other, occasionally lashing out and then falling back into a stalemate.

“Cat’s eyes,” the man drawls, staring across at Magnus, his expression slowly twisting out of a smarmy smirk and into something much more harsh and cruel. “Be a nice addition to my collection.”

It takes a moment for the words to process, just a split second in which Alec sees Magnus’ beautiful golden eyes flash for the first time in his memory, less than an hour ago. So little time, and already the instant he realizes exactly what the Circle member is saying, he no longer cares if the man might give up any more information, or whether or not Magnus can take him down on his own, which he almost certainly can. The arrow is flying before Alec even thinks about it.

It goes straight through the man’s throat, thankfully preventing him from saying any other things that Alec might have to kill him for. He’s dead before he hits the ground.

There’s a beat of silence, and then a little bit of tension bleeds out of Magnus’ shoulders, and he takes a few steps and leans over to examine the corpse.

“Well done,” he says. He looks over his shoulder at Alec as he says it, and there’s an odd gleam to his eyes that wasn’t there a few moments ago.

Alec’s brain is basically turned off right now, as he stares down at his arrow sticking out of a fellow Shadowhunter’s throat. Circle member or no — and Alec has no doubts at all that the man deserved to die — it’s not a sight he’s precisely used to. He’s not thinking about what he’s saying at all, which is probably why what comes out of his mouth is, “More like medium rare.”

He freezes immediately afterward, more than a little horrified with himself, or at least with his subconscious — this is very much not the time for stupid puns. Magnus, though, looks shocked and a little delighted.

“Oh,” Alec stammers, before Magnus gets a chance to say anything, because there’s already a tiny little grin fighting to take over his face and good God that’s not what they need to be focusing on right now, no matter what warm feeling is creeping through the pit of his stomach at the idea that he put that look there. “Uh, we should really… you know… probably get…” He gestures towards the entrance to the office, now secured, and the rest of the lair, and then lets his hand fall limply to his side.

“Right,” Magnus says, but he’s still grinning a little. “We should join the party.”

“Right,” Alec agrees, and takes the excuse to all but run away.

—

“Well,” Jace says about an hour later. “I guess that’s taken care of.”

They’ve gathered all of the Circle members — either dead or very, very thoroughly restrained — in Magnus’ living room. Standing around staring down at them is a bit morbid, and Alec turns away, only to be met with Magnus staring at him instead.

“You and I should talk,” he says. His voice is quiet, and his tone subdued enough that the words are clearly meant for Alec alone, which of course means that everyone else is none-to-subtly eavesdropping.

“I…” Alec says, hesitating for just a moment. “We need to get back to the Institute. We have to report this attack, and the presence of Circle members. They’re getting bolder if they’ll just come after the High Warlock like this.”

“What about my memories?” Clary interjects, frowning. Alec shoots her a glare — people have died tonight, they have bigger fish to fry, and she’s already on his last nerve anyway, and can’t she see that he and Magnus are trying to have a semi-private conversation, here? — but before he can say anything, Magnus holds up a placating hand.

“I’m going to do all I can to help you with that, Clary, I promise,” he says reassuringly. “But not tonight. I’m going to have to move my lair, and up security again, and try and check in with the rest of my people, and…”

Clary takes a look around the destroyed lair and nods slowly, looking a little chastised. “Well… we’ll come back later, then.”

Magnus smiles at her, but then his eyes slide across to Alec and his expression deepens a little. The smile shrinks, but reaches his eyes more, though there’s something a little bit reserved lurking just below the surface.

“I think Alexander and I have a few things to discuss as well,” he says, and Alec feels the strangest urge to shiver at the way Magnus’ voice curls around his full name — a full name that’s kind of always irritated him, but now sounds sweet and smooth as honey.

“Right,” Alec says a bit gruffly, and keeps his eyes slightly downcast to avoid either having to make eye contact with Magnus or seeing whatever expression of mischievous joy Izzy’s face is doubtless contorting itself into at the moment. “I’ll come by tomorrow, and we can talk — and,” he adds, when Clary opens her mouth in his periphery and looks like she’s about to protest, “make arrangements to get the Mundane her memories back.”

“All right,” Magnus says, his voice going just a little bit soft. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Alexander.”

After everything, the walk out of Magnus’ lair is almost anticlimactic. Alec leads the way, not wanting to even have the ability to look back over his shoulder, not wanting to have to admit to himself that he wants to, and everyone else follows more or less quietly behind. They’re almost halfway home before he stops them, drawing everyone around him with a quick gesture.

“Look,” he says, quietly but intensely. “I know this goes without saying for most of you” — he takes the opportunity to shoot Clary a glare, which she returns — “but no one at the Institute can know fucking anything about — about me and Magnus. Not even Hodge. Not anyone.”

“Of course,” Izzy says reassuringly.

“We’ve got your back, Alec,” Jace adds, and claps a hand onto Alec’s shoulder reassuringly. It’s funny; earlier today, even, that contact might have made him shiver a little. Right now, he almost feels distracted.

Even Clary nods, though, and mutters something about knowing how to keep a secret, and the rest of the way home, no one speaks. They give a heavily sanitized version of their mission report, and no one really says much of anything then, either, except to provide descriptions of Circle members or explain away why they haven’t got Clary’s memories back yet. Alec goes back to his room and lays on the bed and counts all the colors that he can now make out on the ceiling, and when he falls asleep, he dreams in gold.

—

“It’s good to see you,” Magnus says the next day, as he leads Alec through a lair that’s almost unrecognizable when it’s not half-destroyed and full of Circle members. “I was — and I hope you’ll forgive me for saying this — almost afraid you wouldn’t come.”

Alec doesn’t blame him at all for saying it; he had, after all, almost talked himself out of it. Admitting to that doesn’t seem like the best idea at the moment, though. He follows Magnus wordlessly to a living room that no longer contains a pile of Circle members and accepts the drink that’s pressed into his hands with relative grace.

“So,” he says after a moment, tapping one finger against the side of his glass. He can’t seem to think of anything else to say, though, his mind blank and fuzzy with something that’s just this side of anxiety; he opens and closes his mouth a few times, glances at Magnus, and says nothing.

“So,” Magnus repeats. He’s smiling a little, but it doesn’t quite look real, at least not all the way through. He looks — God, Alec realizes suddenly, he looks nervous. The amount of relief that floods through him at the thought probably makes him a bad person. “I suppose we have a lot to talk about. More than you realize, actually.”

Alec frowns. That… doesn’t necessarily sound good. Magnus sure sounds none too pleased about it, anyway, and won’t quite meet his eyes as he says it. “What do you mean?”

There’s a beat of silence, both of them standing in Magnus’ living room holding drinks they haven’t touched, not quite making eye contact. Soulmates. Alec feels the ball of nerves and worries and stress in his chest tighten. Then Magnus sighs and looks at him straight on, and smiles again, that same almost-but-not-quite smile.

“It’s… different for warlocks,” Magnus hedges, in a voice that suggests he’s trying to pretend something’s not a big deal when it really is, like he’s forgotten that this is Alec, who — no matter how impossibly — knew him immediately and knows him now and will always know him.

“Different how?” Alec asks, and he’s all too aware that the frustration is bleeding into his tone even though he’s trying hard to keep it out. Maybe Magnus thinks he already understands, at least in part, what the realities of having a soulmate are for warlocks, but the Clave’s records on this sort of thing aren’t complete, and even if they were, Alec hasn’t looked. He didn’t look earlier in his life because he couldn’t have ever imagined needing to know, and he hasn’t looked now because of… well, this. Because of the way Magnus is looking at him, and the sheer intensity with which Alec wants to hear it in his words, from his lips.

Magnus takes a deep breath and shuts his eyes.

“I’ve seen in living color since I was born,” he says quietly. “That was the first sign, actually, that I wasn’t — normal. Human. But, since no one else could verify what I saw or didn’t see, they wrote it off as just an overactive imagination, or me not really understanding the whole concept. Later, when…” He gestures to his eyes, and his mouth twists. “As I grew, everything started to become more obvious. My mother became convinced that my eyes themselves were cursed. She realized that I’d been telling the truth all along about seeing color, but thought it was because I could never have a soulmate, because — because I was something evil. Because of who — what — my father was, what he did to her, what I was.”

“Magnus,” Alec whispers, becuase it’s the only thing he can think to say. He gets a small smile in return — slightly bitter, but mostly just wistful.

“I learned better in time, of course,” Magnus reassures him, reaching out to squeeze Alec’s hand lightly. “There was an older warlock, Ragnor Fell, who took me in, and who later became one of my closest friends. He was the first one to — to really explain it to me. It’s…” He hesitates, and Alec’s already-racing heartbeat kicks up another notch. “Alexander, I — I know I should have told you this sooner, and I’m so, so sorry that I didn’t. This has all happened so fast, and I —”

“Magnus, hey, hey,” Alec interrupts. “It’s been less than 24 hours, I think whatever it is is probably forgivable.” This time he’s the one to give Magnus’ hand a gentle squeeze, only slightly tentative.

Magnus shudders at his words, though, and Alec feels his heart drop in concern.

“No, Alexander, you don’t understand, it’s —”

“Then tell me,” Alec insists, and Magnus looks at him with fear and something else too, like fond exasperation.

“Alexander, warlocks are — bound together, magically, with our soulmates,” he says very slowly, as though expecting each and every word to be the one that finally sends Alec screaming off into the streets. “In ways that mundanes and Nephilim, and even other Downworlders… aren’t.”

Bound. The word makes him shiver, though he isn’t quite sure why. “What ways?”

“Magically, and mentally, and… Physically,” Magnus admits, his voice very grave. “Our — when it’s two warlocks, our magical signatures blend, and no matter what race, our lives are literally bound together. I — I felt it happen, when I saw you. Like something I’d always been missing had finally snapped into place.” He smiles, almost despite himself, and Alec’s blood sings at the sight.

“What does that mean?” he whispers, eyes locked on Magnus’ smile, as he leans in closer. “We’re — we can’t be separated, or something? I — I don’t understand.”

“In a manner of speaking.” They’re back to deflection again, apparently. Beautiful smile or not, Alec could scream.

“Magnus.” And he’s certainly not above begging. “Please.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Alexander, it’s just —” Magnus’ eyes are shut tight. “I’m absolutely terrified that you’ll hate me.”

His voice is low, and quiet and raw, like it’s being ripped out of him. Alec’s shaking his head and cupping Magnus’ face between his hands before he even realizes what he’s doing.

“Magnus, no, I —” He laughs breathlessly, half-hysterically. “This might sound crazy, soulmate or not, because we’ve only known each other for a day, but I don’t think I could ever hate you.”

It hangs in the air between them, desperate and vulnerable. Magnus shudders as the last bit of his resistance finally breaks down.

“Our life forces, if you will, are bound,” he says, “linked. As you die, I will die. And as long as I live…”

He can’t seem to finish the sentence, but Alec doesn’t need him to, and probably wouldn’t be able to hear it anyway over the blood pounding in his ears.

“But you’re immortal,” he blurts, the only thought in his buzzing head coherent enough to be spoken aloud.

Magnus laughs, but it sounds absolutely wrecked. “Yes, well. Now you are too.”

Immortal. An eternity, theoretically, with the man in front of him, who is still nearly a stranger, and yet who is more familiar than anyone he’s ever known — who is his soulmate. Something he never thought he’d get to have for even a day, let alone… “I,” he tries, then swallows, then tries again. “I think I’m going to need — time. With that. But, Magnus,” he adds, seeing the fear still stiffening Magnus’ shoulders and needing to make it absolutely clear, “I’m not mad.”

He really, fully realizes that it’s true only as he says it, and really, fully realizes how badly Magnus needed to hear it only as he watches it slowly start to sink in, tracking every shift of emotion in Magnus’ eyes.

“Well,” Magnus says after a moment, smiling at him softly. It lights up his whole face, and Alec feels himself relax a fraction at the sight. “I’m sure you probably have some sense of how glad I am to hear that.”

“Yeah,” Alec says, his own voice coming out quieter than he’d expected. It feels appropriate, somehow, like there’s some soft hush around them now that he can’t possibly disturb.

There’s a heavy moment where neither of them says anything, and Alec catches himself trying to count the shades of gold in Magnus’ eyes and failing. Maybe he’ll manage it eventually, he thinks, feeling a thrill of something between terror and excitement, sometime in the suddenly endless lifetime stretching out before him.

“We should go on a date,” he blurts suddenly, and Magnus actually startles at the sound. He looks immediately pleased, though, leaning into Alec’s space just a little bit more, smiling up at him.

“That,” he says, “is an excellent idea. How do you feel about Ethiopian food? I know the most wonderful little place…”

He almost immediately launches into a description that’s miles beyond Alec’s culinary expertise, but Alec’s more interested in watching his mouth and listening to the rise and fall of his voice as he talks anyway. It’s really still too soon to tell where this whole thing will go, he thinks, and it really is going to take him some time — probably quite a bit of time — to come to terms with the fact that he’s apparently now immortal. He’s certain that hasn’t even really begun to sink in yet at all, and when it does, he’ll probably have at least one breakdown over it.

But, in the meantime, Magnus is here, warm and effusive and so, so colorful. And right now, in this moment, Alec decides that that is much, much more than he could ever have thought to ask for.

#Taupefox59 #malecsanta18 #*fics18 #*gifts18

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little-fandom · 6 years ago

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Call It Magic

After the events of Max's party before the rune ceremony, Alec and Magnus need each other close. Alec stays over, they talk and do some more...

Or, Alec admits that he feels safe around Magnus' magic, and Magnus thinks he might love Alec, more than he's ever loved anyone. Even if he's to scared to admit it just yet.

read on ao3

“Well…that was…”

“A disaster.” Magnus interrupts Alec, before he even gets to finish. “I’m sorry.”

Alec moves from his spot by the door, where he’s just closed it behind his siblings. He sinks down on the couch right next to Magnus.

“Hey,” he ducks his head down to catch Magnus’ gaze. “There’s nothing to be sorry for. It wasn’t your fault.”

Magnus sighs and lets his head fall back down.

The party was indeed a disaster. First Maryse, chiming in with her snarky comments, then this whole Warlock who messed with their minds. It was supposed to be about Max, and turned out to be just another catastrophe.

And Alec… He almost lost him. Magnus just realizes that. If he was a second late… He would lost Alec to his own insecurities. He knew his boyfriend’s life wasn’t an easy one, with the Clave and his parents always judging. But this? The picture of Alec almost falling down the ledge can’t leave Magnus’ head.

“I don’t think it was a disaster.” Magnus shakes off his thoughts as Alec continues. He kinda sounds like he’s more convincing himself. “It was going pretty well…”

Magnus snorts to that. No, it wasn’t.

“Your mom was right.” Magnus says, leaning back on the couch. “It was a bad idea to have ‘a party at a Warlocks house’.”

“Hey, don’t say that.” Alec gets closer and rests his chin on Magnus’ shoulder. “It could have happened anywhere.”

Maybe that’s true. The Warlock, Iris, was targeting them from the start, well she was aiming Clary, but this affects all of them. The party just made them an easier target.

Magnus sighs and rubs a hand over his face. He can’t stand the small talk anymore. This isn’t really about it. This is not what Magnus wants to talk about, this isn’t what he needs to talk about with Alec. The party be damned.

“Look, Alexander.” He starts and shifts, so they’re sitting face to face, their sides leaning on the back of the couch. “Back there, on the balcony-“

“Magnus-“ Alec almost whispers.

“No, let me say this.” Magnus carries on carefully. “Have you ever… felt this way, before?”

“Magnus, it was the magic-“

“Not fully.” Magnus quickly cuts in, because he really needs to say this. “Magic can’t create fears, it only brings them out.”

Alec exhales heavily and looks away from Magnus’ face, hanging his head down.

“Alec, I’m not saying this cause I will judge.” Magnus continues, despite Alec’s gaze wandering to the limited space between them. “I won’t. I just want you to know, that if you ever feel this way-“

“Magnus, by the Angel, I’m not going to take my own life.” Alec lashes out in frustration, but when he notices Magnus’ gaze turning into surprise and a bit of hurt from his sudden blow up, he adds more gently. “I’m sorry. I just…” He sighs and adds in a lower voice. “I won’t, okay?”

Magnus puts his hand on Alec’s in a reassuring gesture.

“Okay.” He says while creasing soft circles into his skin. “But you can always talk to me, all right?”

Alec nods and covers Magnus’ palm with his other one.

Magnus isn’t going to push. Not now. They will talk about this more, but it’s too fresh, and Alec is still buzzing with emotions from tonight.

They stay like this for a moment, just enjoying the silence, that’s fallen around them. While Magnus’ hand doesn’t stop its ministrations, and Alec seems to relax a little, then he starts to speak.

“I’m sorry about mom.” He turns his palm, so he can intertwine their fingers. “And Max.”

“Darling, no need to be sorry.” Magnus assures him. Even though Maryse’s comments stung, it wasn’t as bad as he expected. And Max… well he’s a curious kid, hopefully will become more open than his parents. But considering the fact that he’s having Alec as his big brother, Magnus’ pretty sure of it.

“Yeah, but Max…” Alec runs a nervous hand through his hair. “He should know that’s inappropriate to ask about Warlock marks, I mean it’s an intimate subject…”

Magnus cups his cheek with his hand and Alec finally looks at him, something very similar to guilt written on his face and Magnus wants to wipe it out immediately.

So he drops his glamour, and Alec’s breath hitches in his throat, as he stares back at Magnus, right in the eyes with such adoration and amazement.

“Someone did tell me they’re beautiful.” Magnus smiles kindly and Alec reciprocates. “It gives a boost of confidence.”

Alec lets out a small laugh and catches Magnus’ hand with his own as it drops from his cheek.

“Because they are.” Alec whispers softly. “Not only them. Every single part of you.”

If Alec could only knew, what hearing those things does to Magnus. He’s never felt like this before. He’s being adorn by Alec. He’s not only praising his body, but also his mind. And never, ever in his long immortal life, no one has said this about his cat eyes. His real eyes.

That they’re beautiful.

He knew Alec would be special, from the first moment he saw him. That’s why he fought form him. Alec proved it at his wedding, and keeps proving it every single day.

And as Magnus’ thoughts return to the night before tonight, or their first date, or when Alec is just here, now, looking at him right into his real eyes and he’s not scared of them. Of him. He can’t deny that the adoration is mutual.

Alec is playing with their fingers, lacing and unlacing them, as if he considers his next words.

“I like your magic.” Alec admits after a while, still not looking up. “It feels safe.”

Magnus isn’t sure if he’s referring to the time back on the balcony a few hours ago, or to any other time. He’s constantly using his magic. He’s probably not even aware of how much he relies on it.

“I know how it sounds.” Alec says with a laugh. “Your magic is so damn powerful and could destroy anything or anyone, but I still find it safe and gentle.”

Another thing about Alec, is that Magnus often finds himself speechless at his words. Like right now. Maybe it’s the honesty and straightforwardness that radiates from him and his words, but Magnus. doesn’t mind it. Not at all. He rarely gets surprised, but he enjoys it.

So lack of words he does the only thing he can think of.

He gently unwinds their fingers, to which Alec looks confused for a second, put then Magnus shifts a bit closer to him, snaps his fingers and blue flames start to dance around his palms.

Alec just looks down in awe. He really is amazed by every single thing Magnus does. Magic or not. But this… Magnus can’t help the soft smile creeping out on his face.

His past lovers did approve his magic, but mostly for their personal gain. If it comes to mundanes, he usually didn’t tell them about his abilities. It would only scare them off. But lying gets exhausting, and solid relationships can’t be built, if he’s not being completely honest.

And he feels like he can do this with Alec. Be completely honest, not ashamed of any part of himself. There’s still so much he didn’t tell him, but they’ll get to it. Because he wants to, and also because Alec is curious about it.

He doesn’t push, but Magnus knows that sometimes it’s bothering him. They haven’t been together long, but Magnus already knows almost everything about Alec, at least the parts he wants to share for now.

And Magnus wants to share too. But with so much past… where to even start? Sometimes he just lets it flow, tells the first story that comes to his mind, when he and Alec are curled up on the couch, laying together at night, or in the morning.

And Magnus is grateful that Alec wants to find out from him. One day he came back from the Institute, furious about his mother presenting him with Magnus’ file, and claiming he has to read through it to find out who exactly is he allowing into his life.

Magnus told him it wouldn’t be a such bad thing if he did that, because as much as would hate if he did, he still gets that Alec can be curious about his life. But Alec said he’s more than happy with the parts Magnus actually wants to share with him. That he can wait for more, when Magnus is ready.

As Magnus’ fingers are still laced with blue sparks, Alec gently tangles them back together with his, soft smile never leaving his lips. Magnus’ magic welcomes him immediately, it knows him, and never would be able to hurt him.

“My magic likes you too.” Magnus says, as the blue flames tickle Alec’s fingers delicately.

Then Alec takes his palm, and places it flat on his chest. It seems like an invitation, so Magnus sends a light pulse of magic into him, and his Shadowhunter can’t contain the gasp, that escapes his lips, and he presses Magnus’ hand with his own firmer onto his chest.

Magnus enjoys the reaction so he chuckles lightly and does it again, with a little more force.

Alec moans this time, throwing his head back and grabbing tighter onto their intertwined hands.

“You’re gonna be the end of me.” He chuckles breathlessly, and it this moment Magnus can’t resist him anymore, so he leans in and kisses him.

Alec still doesn’t let go of his hand, as they press closer together. Magnus keeps sending pulses of magic into Alec’s skin, and a moment later, he feels him panting against his mouth.

“You’re something else, darling.” Magnus whispers into the slight space between their lips.

“In a good way, I hope.” Alec smiles and hooks his arms around Magnus’ neck.

“Always in good ways.” Magnus’ grin widens, and the next moment he’s pulling Alec onto his lap, so he’s straddling him.

Alec’s smile extends and he leans down to kiss Magnus, gently creasing the sides of his neck, and suddenly Magnus feels the urge to have him even closer.

Thus he puts his arms around Alec’s back and presses him, so they’re chest to chest.

Alec gasps again, and as his mouth slips from Magnus’, he takes the chance and starts placing kisses to Alec’s neck. His hands wander underneath Alec’s shirt, and he seems to take a hint, ‘cause a moment later he’s pulling his arms up and Magnus slides it over his head.

“Will you stay tonight?” Magnus asks as Alec’s hands return to his neck.

“I wish,” Alec sighs as he plays with the collar of Magnus’ shirt. “But I have to be at the Institute in the morning, for Max’s rune ceremony.”

Magnus knows how important it is, but after the day they had, they deserve some alone time.

“I’ll portal you in the morning.” Magnus resorts and his arms around him tighten. “Just stay tonight.”

He hates how desperate he sounds, but he can’t help it. After what happened tonight, he really needs Alexander close.

“Okay,” Alec states, as he seems to hear the plea in the Warlock’s voice. “I’ll stay.”

He kisses him, soft and lingering, before Alec adds.

“There’s nowhere else I’d want to be now.”

And Magnus doesn’t want him to be anywhere else.

As Alec starts to fumble with the buttons of Magnus’ shirt, the Warlock notices small blush creeping onto his cheeks as Alec starts speaking again.

“So…” His gaze is focused down on Magnus’ chest. “Last night was nice.”

It was indeed. Everything was amazing, and even though Magnus was scared, probably more than Alec, his Shadowhunter has been nothing but understanding. They went slow, took their time, and even though Magnus wants to do so many things to Alec, with Alec, their first time was perfect in every possible way.

Magnus is still amazed with the innocence glaring from his Alexander. He’s so unexperienced, but Magnus is more than willing to teach him, and learn everything that makes him feel good. He wants him to open up, feel safe to say what he wants, or to try new things.

It’s gonna be a long way, but for sure an enjoyable one.

“Yes, it was.” Magnus replies with a playful smirk and when Alec looks at him he reciprocates. “Care for a rerun?”

Alec chuckles, but rolls his hips a little, and Magnus bites his lip to suppress his gasp.

“Yeah.” Alec nods, a little breathless. “But it’s not the reason why I’m staying.” He adds pulling back a little to look at Magnus. “I mean I want to, but uhm, not the only reason. It’s… just not all… I-“

“Shh, darling I know.” Magnus chuckles and presses his index finger to Alec’s lips in an attempt to stop his rumbling.

He knows what he means, he really does.

They both need each other.

“Yeah, okay.” Alec shifts closer again, and grinds down on Magnus with a little more force, so he can’t contain the gasp escaping him.

They are impossibly close, but Magnus wants them closer, connected.

As Alec finishes unbuttoning Magnus’ shirt he quickly takes it off and he moves to gently lay Alec down on the couch on his back, then settles between his legs, kissing the side of his neck delicately.

“You know,” Alec starts hesitantly as he writhes beneath him. “You don’t have to always be so gentle with me, I won’t break.”

Magnus pulls back to look at him, frowning. Again, a little surprised.

“It’s not like I don’t enjoy it.” Alec carries on quickly, eyes wide as he notices the Warlock’s expression. “I do, I really do, but… if you want to try something or… I don’t know-“

“Angel,” Magnus cups his face so he’s sure he won’t look away. “It’s not only about what I want. It’s about us, what we want.” He creases Alec’s cheeks lightly as the younger man nods. “And we can try anything, as long as you’re comfortable with it.”

“And as long as you are.” Alec adds, his hands wandering to Magnus’ shoulders.

“Exactly.” Magnus’ smile turns into a smirk as he adds. “You seem to catch up pretty fast.”

“I am a fast learner.” Alec states and pulls him down for a kiss.

They kiss for a few long minutes, hot and messy so Magnus starts to stir his hips against Alec’s.

His Shadowhunter gasps again, and puts his hands on Magnus’ waist when he nips gently on his neck. The Warlock traces the shape of his deflect rune with his tongue and Alec shivers under his ministrations.

Magnus enjoys the reactions he gets from Alexander, how he can make him a trembling mess, with just a few touches.

He bites and sucks lightly at the side of his neck with an intention to leave a mark, and Alec lets out a low moan.

“You doing okay?” Magnus asks, as he kisses down the way to Alec’s collarbone, humming at the mark that’s already forming on Alec’s pulse point.

“I’m great.” Alec moans out. “Just don’t stop.”

“You’re going to tell me if I do something you don’t like?” Magnus nuzzles his nose all the way up Alec’s neck and places a lingering kiss to his jaw.

“I don’t think it’s possible, but yeah.” Alec chuckles breathlessly and Magnus does too.

That’s all the information he needs right now to keep going.

He’s still rolling his hips when his hands reach Alec’s belt buckle and he undoes it slowly, lasting the moment. Then he tugs at his pants, and shift a bit on the couch to take them all the way down.

Alec’s hands drift to Magnus’ waist again, and he hooks his fingers onto the belt loops of Magnus’ trousers, to pull his closer and back down on himself.

Magnus feels his breath hitch in his throat, but he goes willingly when Alec kisses him with force, eagerly. His hands are draped on the Warlock’s back and he moves them, as if he tries to map his body, remember every detail, feel the way every single muscle moves. Magnus can’t help to moan, when Alec thrusts his hips up to meet his, the friction so perfect.

He could snap his fingers any moment, to get them rid of the rest of their clothes, but in some way he wants to take his time with Alec, not deprive him from any part of their activities, especially that intimate thing that is undressing each other.

But Alec seems impatient, as he quickly unbuckles Magnus’ belt, yanking it out of his pants. It lands somewhere on the floor, but it’s not like Magnus cares, and the next moment Alec unzips his fly and pulls his trousers down along with is boxers.

“Eager, are we?” Magnus raises his eyebrows at him, and smiles as Alec bites on his bottom lip and nods, the blush reappearing on his cheeks.

Soon Alec’s boxer briefs follow down, and Magnus just takes a moment to appreciate the view.

Alec’s hair is a mess, his skin already slightly glistened with sweat, the hickey on his neck stands out sinfully, but Magnus wouldn’t have it any other way.

So he leans down and kisses him, putting his now naked body on top, and they both groan at the wonderful friction as he rolls his hips.

Alec whimpers under him and with his hands on his back presses him incredibly close.

Magnus snaps his fingers and summons a bottle of lube from the bedroom, pulling back lightly to pour it on his fingers.

Alec whines in disapproval at the sudden distance between them, but soon enough Magnus is back down on him, and he places his fingers against Alec’s entrance.

“This okay?” He asks just to make sure.

“Yeah, keep going.” Alec chokes out, and moans out loud when Magnus’ finger pushes into him.

He tries to bite his lip in an attempt to stop the noises that escape him, but then Magnus gently touches his mouth with his thumb.

“Don’t. I want to hear you angel.”

Alec arches of the couch, when a second finger joins Magnus’ first and the whimper he lets out makes Magnus smile.

“That’s it.” He whispers, out of breath, not even sure if Alec has heard him.

Magnus scissors him open, soon adding a third finger, and starts placing kisses all the way down from Alec’s neck to his chest, to distract him from the burning of the stretch.

Alec puts his hands in Magnus’ hair and tugs lightly, to which the Warlock hums in appreciation. The Shadowhunter urges his head up from his neck to kiss him, hard and sloppy.

Magnus delicately pulls out his fingers, to which Alec whines.

“Shh, baby I’ve got you.” Magnus reassures. “You ready?”

Alec nods furiously and joins their lips back together as Magnus slowly enters him.

There’s so many marvellous things about this moment, and Magnus feels like he want to relive it forever. The amazing tightness around him, Alec moaning beneath him, so close that he can actually taste him, and the pleasure slowly building up in his stomach.

He gives Alec time to adjust, struggling not to move, his legs shaking with effort. But as Alec wraps his legs around his waist, Magnus takes it as a sign that he’s ready.

He thrusts slowly, groaning at the pleasurable friction and feeling the joy spreading through his body.

“Oh, by the Angel.” Alec breathes out and it’s followed with a sinful moan as Magnus stirs his hips a little bit faster.

He keeps the steady pace, his hands moves up to Alec’s hair, as the younger man places his own on Magnus’ ass to urge him deeper.

Then Alec arches of the couch with a scream of pleasure and Magnus knows he found his sweet spot, so he continues to rub against it.

“Right there, Magnus.” Alec gasps out. “Don’t stop.”

These word encourage Magnus to thrust a bit harder, which Alec gladly welcomes with a low moan.

He’s so beautiful like this. A sinful angel. Everything about him, the way he moves, the sounds he makes… Magnus wants this, wants him, for as long as he can.

As long as he will let him.

He hopes it’ll be long.

Soon he’s starting to lose control, his thrust becoming erratic and he places his head in the crook of Alec’s neck, sucking lightly on the skin there.

“You’re amazing.” Alec breathes out, his hands creasing the skin of his lower back and Magnus groans at the feeling. He’s so close.

He thrusts once, twice, and when Alec places a lingering kiss to his temple, the sweet innocent gesture brings him over the edge.

Alec clenches around him, as he feeling him spilling inside, and Magnus knows he’s close too, so he rides out his high with a few more deep rolls of his hips and Alec tenses under him for a second, moaning helplessly as he reaches his climax, with Magnus’ name floating from his lips.

They stay like this, both of them panting and Magnus feels Alec’s raced heartbeat as he places his hand on his chest, the beat even though too fast, still calms him.

Magnus gathers up enough energy to wave his hand, and the mess they made is gone.

“Convenient.” Alec chuckles under him, still breathless.

The Warlock places a few kisses to his chest, as their breaths start to even out.

“You okay?” Magnus asks, when he feels Alec’s heartbeat slow down.

“Perfect.” Alec smiles at him, and sweeps the hair out of Magnus’ face.

When their mouths connect again, Magnus gently pulls out of him, and kisses him harder to appease the empty feeling.

These three words are lingering above them, they’ve been for quite some time. But still, Magnus is scared it’s too fast. And he cares about Alec so much, he feels he can’t let himself make any mistake with him.

Not with this.

“Are you okay?” Alec looks at him concern, like he noticed Magnus’ thoughts are wandering somewhere beyond them.

“Absolutely,” Magnus kisses him again, sweet and short. “More than okay.”

The corners of Alec’s lips quirk as Magnus traces his thumb across his bottom lip.

“We should get to the bedroom.” Magnus starts, but makes no intention of moving, still too exhausted. “It will be-“

“Let’s just stay a while longer.” Alec interrupts him, rubbing Magnus’ back up and down lightly. “Okay?”

“Sure, darling.”

Magnus only tears his hand away from Alec’s chest to throw a blanket over them, and then he snuggles back into the content of Alec’s warmth.

Right now, like this, it’s perfect, Magnus thinks.

Just them.

And he wants it to stay like this forever.

#malec fanfic #malec #shadowhunters #save shadowhunters #Alec Lightwood #Magnus Bane #smut #fluff #coda to 2x08 #soft boyfriends #magnus' magic appreciation fic #cause he deserves it #sh

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stupidnephilimlove · 7 years ago

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Office Hours P9

It’s new season week, so here’s another chapter. Tagging @ifthingsgetcrazy @irisphryneadler and @kindaresilient as always and @shiningalec as well. Read on ao3. Or start at the beginning.

“I think he’s in love,” Izzy teases as she lounges on the sofa across the room. Jace is balancing on the arm next to her and Alec grits his teeth. He’s told Jace a million times about doing that, but Jace just jokes that he sounds like their mother. So, Alec’s sort of letting it lie because he hates it when they compare him to their parents. It’s probably why they do it.

“Dorky grin?” Jace asks Isabelle.

Alec keeps watching the TV, trying to block them out, but he sees Izzy raise a hand out of the corner of his eye. She points a finger, and as she makes a tick in the air she says, “Check.”

“Gazing off into space?”

“Check.”

“Not listening to a word we’re saying?”

“I’m listening,” Alec butts in, “but you’re both being ridiculous, so I’m choosing to ignore you.”

He’s not in love, okay, nowhere close to being in love. He doesn’t have a dorky grin and if he’s staring into space it’s because they can’t hold an interesting conversation.

He’s behaving the same way he always does, nothing has changed. He almost wants to just get up and go to his room, but he’s enjoying this episode of The Bachelor. Izzy always makes them watch it and though he groans about it, he’s secretly hooked to the show. It’s become something of a guilty pleasure for him.

“Overly defensive when the subject is brought up?” Jace continues.

“Check,” and Isabelle giggles.

“Would you two stop? I thought we were watching this. They’re about to go on a date.”

He waves a hand at the screen. This is the date that Isabelle’s been praying will happen since this season started. Alec’s had to listen to her go on and on about it through every episode, and now she’s apparently just not even bothered.

“Constantly tries to change the conversation?”

Alec glares at the two of them and Izzy’s eyes catch his. Do it, he silently dares her. She tilts her head, smiles and says, “Check.”

He hates them. It’s official.

“I hate you,” and now they know it too.

He has the worst siblings in the world, and he’s kicking them out as soon as possible. Which probably won’t be for three to five years because he’ll never be able to afford the rent by himself, but still, he’ll do it.

They’re just laughing at him, not demure laughter either. No, it’s the kind where they bend themselves over and their whole body shakes from it. Which is only adding to Alec’s irritation with the situation. What’s a stronger feeling than hate? Whatever that is, that’s how he feels about them right now. He scowls at his siblings, which only makes their laughter stronger.

Through gulps of breath Jace says, “Personally attacks you,” he breaks off as they devolve into another fit of laughter and he wipes a tear from his eye. Eventually, he manages to calm himself enough to finish his sentence. “When… you call him on it?”

Isabelle can’t even say anything; she just does another air tick.

A commercial begins to play and Alec throws himself up out of his chair and stalks into the kitchen. He opens the fridge and just stares for a moment. Deep breaths, he tells himself, before grabbing a can. He gives them a few minutes to cool down and only returns once the laughing has subsided.

“So,” Isabelle starts as Alec takes his seat. “Who is he?”

“Who’s who?” Alec says. What is with them today?

“Don’t do that.” She jumps up from the sofa and crashes down onto him, draping herself over his body. They used to do this when they were kids, he’d stroke her hair and she’d listen to his heartbeat. Instead, she pokes him in the ribs. “You’ve been all moony and distracted and… happy for weeks.”

“I’m always happy,” Alec defends himself.

“No, you’re not. We know you too well, so talk to us.”

“Yeah, come on, man,” Jace says. “It’s no big deal.”

He’s had it with them. Where did they get this idea that he’s with someone?

“I’m not seeing anyone, okay. I’m not being coy or whatever. There. Is. No. One.”

Isabelle pushes back from his chest and gazes down at him. Her eyes search his.

“Oh,” she brushes the hair back from his forehead and he closes his eyes at the touch. “There’s really no one?”

“Really.”

Thankfully, the subject is dropped.

Of course, the subject isn’t dropped for long.

On Monday morning, Alec grabs a coffee on campus with Jace, as they often do before Jace heads off to work. Having paid, the two of them turn back from the counter and almost walk into someone.

“Alexander.”

Alec knows that voice, and he knows that face, and he just kind of blanks out for a moment. It’s sort of surreal to see Magnus Bane in the middle of the coffee shop. It doesn’t matter that it’s only a two-minute walk from Magnus’ office, this just isn’t right. Alec’s been compartmentalising Magnus in order to function in life and now, Magnus just decided to take himself out of one of those compartments and dump himself down into the coffee shop compartment. Now Alec won’t be able to come and get coffee without thinking of Magnus.

Although, to be fair, he already thinks of Magnus when he gets coffee here, because this is where he got the drinks that first caused their hands to brush. Shit, now he’s thinking about those fingers against his. Alec’s eyes dart down to where Magnus’ own hand is wrapped around a cup. He tries to, he really tries to not think about that hand wrapped around himself. He’s not successful.

“Hi. I’m Jace. You know my brother?” Jace offers a hand to Magnus, who shakes it.

“Professor Bane,” he says. “Alec’s in my class this semester.”

Jace looks at Alec, then at Magnus, then back to Alec, and Alec can almost hear the cogs turning.

“Don’t you have to get to work?” Alec prompts and looks at his brother imploringly.

“Sure, work,” Jace says, and the expression on his face tells Alec they’re going to talk about this later. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” Magnus says as Jace, thankfully, leaves the shop.

Alec gestures to a table, “Were you staying?”

“Oh, yeah... sure, I’ve got a few minutes.”

They both sit and there’s something between them that isn’t usually there when they’re in Magnus’ office. Alec thinks it might be awkwardness. He looks at Magnus, at the way his hand clutches his cup, the way his finger taps in what Alec thinks is nervousness. But that can’t be right. Magnus always seems so confident, so sure of himself. Does Magnus feel as off-kilter as Alec does?

There doesn’t seem to be the same boundaries between them as there usually is. There’s no desk. There’s no title. Here, in this coffee shop, they’re just Alec and Magnus, and Alec’s suddenly aware that there isn’t much difference in their ages.

He indulges in the fantasy of bumping into Magnus just like this, of a chance meeting in a coffee shop. He thinks about flirting with Magnus, poorly because he would get tongue tied just looking at the man and he’d no doubt make a fool of himself. He thinks about the first conversation he would stutter through, the small talk that he never really enjoys. He thinks about finding the confidence to ask for Magnus’ number before they part ways, and the thrill it would bring him for the rest of the day. The frustrated excitement of waiting for an acceptable amount of time to have passed before calling.

But they didn’t meet like that. Magnus is his professor and Alec knows (no matter how much he fantasises about it), that there are lines neither of them can cross.

Neither of them speaks. Alec thinks Magnus wants to say something because he opens his mouth, words on the tip of his tongue, before he pulls back and takes a sip from his cup instead. Alec wants to talk about that thesis, the questions have been floating through his mind all week. He wants to ask if Magnus is okay. Wants to know how his morning has been and then perhaps politely enquire about where Magnus was last week.

He doesn’t end up asking a question at all.

“You cancelled your office hours,” he blurts out and the words are accusatory. Well done, Alec. Magnus was the one who cancelled them, he clearly knows that and he doesn’t need reprimanding by a student for fuck’s sake.

Magnus doesn’t take offence, though. The look he has is actually apologetic and Alec feels like shit.

“Yeah, sorry I didn’t give you any notice.”

Alec hones in on the way Magnus says ‘you’, like he didn’t give Alec notice, like Alec is the person he should have told and granted Alec’s the only one that ever turns up to those office hours, but he lets himself think it’s more than that. He knows it’s a fantasy but he’s not hurting anyone by indulging in it, right? Well, no one but himself.

“It’s- It’s fine. No big deal.” No big deal at all. He wasn’t in the worst mood of his life the whole day after he read that note. That wasn’t him. He’s been totally chill about the whole thing.

“It was just…” Magnus pauses.

Wait, is Magnus trying to justify himself to Alec? Alec’s stunned, Magnus doesn’t have to explain anything. He’s the professor, he can do what he wants. But Alec does move a little closer so that he can fully appreciate Magnus’ words and the way his lips move when he says them.

“I had to go to a funeral.”

Okay, they’re not words he should appreciate, right?

“Oh, I’m sorry,” and Alec really means that. He’s sorry that someone Magnus knows passed away, but also he’s sorry for his thoughts. He’s been annoyed all week about Magnus cancelling those office hours and he’s been so caught up in how frustrated he’s been that he hasn’t even stopped to consider the reason Magnus wasn’t in. Magnus doesn’t cancel lectures, he cares about his students, Alec knows this. So, why didn’t it cross his mind that something could have happened? For all Alec knew Magnus could have been hurt or sick. Wow, how self-centred of him. If Magnus wasn’t sitting across from him right now, he’d probably bang his head on the table in disgust.

“I told you about my friend Catarina, right? The one that’s helping me with the manuscript?”

Alec nods his head. That’s the friend Magnus said Alec could talk to if he had questions about publishing. Did she die? Alec’s been cursing his bad luck and the universe, and Magnus’ friend died!

“Her friend died rather suddenly...”

Phew. Well, not phew, someone died and that’s not great, but Alec can feel slightly better about himself that it wasn’t someone directly linked to Magnus. Does that make him a terrible person? This whole conversation’s making him feel like a terrible person.

“...and her partner had to go out of town, so I offered to go to the funeral with her. Ragnor- Professor Fell, is a friend of both of ours, so he did me a favour by covering my classes. It was sort of last minute, so I’m sorry, again, that I didn’t let you know.”

Alec knows Magnus is a good person, this isn’t news to him, but Magnus is apologising for cancelling his office hours to support a friend at a funeral? Can they get married, adopt three kids, a dog, and move to the suburbs already?

“It’s fine, I didn’t have too many course related question anyway.” Alec pauses for a moment, unsure if he should say anything about Magnus’ email, he decides to anyway. “I read the thesis you sent.”

Alec watches the shock cross Magnus’ face.

“You did?” Magnus seems sceptical.

“Of course.”

How can Magnus think he wouldn’t? Or more, that he’d say he did when he didn’t?

“I’ve got a million questions.”

Magnus chuckles, then looks down at his watch and sighs.

“And I’d love to hear them all, Alec, but I’ve got a lecture in five minutes.”

Oh, is it that time already? Alec tells himself he only imagines the dejected tone of Magnus’ voice. Magnus pushes back from the table to stand and Alec wants to ask him to stay, possibly for forever, but he pushes the feeling away.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Magnus asks. “You can ask me then?”

Tomorrow? Oh, office hours. How could Alec ever forget? Possibly because he’s watching the way Magnus is straightening his jacket, brushing lint from the sleeve, and the movements are so fluid that all rational thought just flies out the window.

“Yeah,” and Alec knows he’s sporting a dorky grin. Okay, maybe his siblings have a point after all.

When Alec leaves the coffee shop he checks his phone. There’s an invitation to join a new whatsapp group from Jace - myster(ga)y solved. Has Alec expressed how much he hates his brother lately?

[8.35 am Jace] I know who Alec’s in love with.

[8.36 am Izzy] ??????????

[8.38 am Izzy] You can’t just say that!

[8.40 am Izzy] JACE WAYLAND YOU BEST TELL ME THIS INSTANT.

[8.41 am Jace] I could give you a clue…

[8.41 am Izzy] I’m not cooking for you for a week if you don’t tell me.

[8.41 am Jace] That’s not exactly a threat, Iz.

[8.42 am Izzy] You want a threat?

[8.42 am Jace] Okay, Okay.

[8.43 am Jace] We just ran into Professor Bane. Alec’s in his class.

[8.43 am Jace] and Alec forgot what words are.

[8.43 am Jace] and I just left them having coffee together.

[8.44 am Izzy] Alec?!

[8.45 am Izzy] Is this true?

[8.46 am Izzy] ……………….

Alec doesn’t reply, just exits out of the app and another notification instantly pops up.

[8.58 am Izzy] Alec, I can see you just read these!

How does he go about disowning his siblings?

Read part 10 here

#malec #malec fic #shadowhunters #professor!magnus #student!alec #oh look I wrote a thing #prompts #see I kept my promise #this was a super quick update #enjoy

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kattahj · 8 years ago

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Thoughts on The Bane Chronicles

Short version:

Started off really poorly and got a bit better. As usual with these books, does better with action scenes and bringing the story along than with emotional or humourous content (though there are some exceptions). Overall a decent read after the first 100 pages, although this Magnus will never be my Magnus.

Long version (with some notes scribbled down during the read and others written afterwards):

What Really Happened in Peru

Remember how much I hated the touristy postcards from Magnus and Alec in TMI? Yeah. Imagine how much I enjoyed a story consisting entirely of Magnus making an ass of himself at an exotic backdrop. :-(

Also, it's full of the kind of farcical humour that I pretty much only find tiresome. It's like the whole story is set with canned laughter and drumrolls. There were heartfelt, touching scenes inbetween, that could have made the story not just worthwhile, but good. Unfortunately, they pretty much got drowned out by stuff like: "The way mundanes in this part of Peru practiced medicine, it appeared, was to rub a guinea pig all over the afflicted sufferer's body." WTF even?

The Runaway Queen

And then we get revolution-era France, which I hoped would be more tolerable, until we got yet another repetition of that trite old false Marie Antoinette quote. There's nothing wrong with setting your stories in various countries and historical periods, even in humourous ways, but you have to be able to offer more than clichés. It even overrode the thrill I usually get about seeing Swedes in things. (Magnus's two phrases in Swedish were jokes about furs and pickled fish. Which is just kind of boring and missing any sort of point. Come on, there are plenty of better jokes than that to make about Swedes!)

The whole attitude to the revolution was weird, too. Now, the Reign of Terror and all that means that the French revolution is kind of a clusterfuck to begin with, but there's a difference between "well, that remedy's as bad as the illness" and, y'know, this:

"No longer a private wooded area and park, the Bois de Boulogne was now open to the people, who used the wonderful grounds for growing potatoes for food. They also wore cotton and proudly called themselves sans-culottes, meaning 'without knee breeches'. They wore long, workmanlike pants, and they cast long, judgmental looks at Magnus's own exquisite breeches, which matched the rose-colored stripe in his jacket, and his faintly silver stockings. It really was getting difficult to be wonderful."

Wow. Yeah, gosh, it must be SO HARD FOR YOU with all those peasants around. Wtf.

I don't mind hedonist!Magnus, but he comes off more as asshole!Magnus. Like, I may actually find him even more of a dick than I did Jace in City of Glass. Which is pretty disappointing.

It also rubs me the wrong way that it's hammered home that Magnus will fuck just about any guy with blue eyes and black hair. I get that it's supposed to remind us of Alec, but it makes their relationship come off as based in a fetish more than anything else. (And did Axel von Fersen really have black hair and blue eyes? It seems an unlikely combination for an 18th century Swede, but not impossible, and I don't know enough history to tell.)

Vampires, Scones, and Edmund Herondale

Doesn't start off well, with Magnus pondering fashion and staring at Camille's breasts (because obviously that's a great thing to do to a strange lady, and everyone who disagrees is just a prude). But after that, it's not too shoddy, though it has waaaay too many descriptions and the supposedly funny stuff still isn't funny.

The Shadowhunters throwing away the plates after the Downworlders have eaten on them is a nice/horrible touch. It's interesting to see the Accords being created, but I do wish the scenes had a bit more weight to them.

I am super bugged at "Nephilim" being used as a singular. That's like saying "a Cherubim". One Nephil, several Nephilim. Come on, it's not hard!

The joke about "falling out of the sky", quite apart from being spoiled by the comic, was put to better use in Dogma.

Edmund's quite sweet in a puppyish way, like the better sides of Jace. Even the rakish behavior doesn't change that. And I was amused by the Linnette introduction.

The Midnight Heir

Still fairly enoyable, I would say more so than the previous one.

"Seventeen-year-old boy" is an odd way of phrasing it - does he know how old Jamie is, or making a really specific guess? (I haven't read TID.)

I like Magnus better in this one, he seems to be acting less selfish - though possibly the history I don't know would explain that. (And I know I always protest the way Magnus has to help everybody out on the show and nobody does it for him, but being allowed to have your own problems and ask for help sometimes is NOT THE SAME as being shallow and callous, which is how he comes off in some of these stories.)

Jamie is less charming than his grandfather, possibly because he has book!Jace's whole self-pity thing going on. (And shooting out a person's peg leg deserves a punch in the face, if you ask me.) But I still got engaged in his story.

It kind of bugs me, the way Shadowhunter families are these massive monoliths, so that all Herondales act like some variations of Jace and all Lightwoods before Alec and Izzy are raging assholes. First, because we are not our parents, that's not how heritage works. Second, because even if it did work like that, family name only follows the paternal line, which means that after a few generations there'll be lots of influences from all over the gene pool, so wtf. It's the kind of sweeping generalizations that - don't hate me know, Harry Potter fans, but - that feel really Harry Potterish.

The whole Tatiana thing is a bit too OTT, as well. It's all appropriately gothic, but maxed up to such a degree that it's hard to think of as anything but parody. Aaaand we get a Catherine the Great crack, because just like with Marie Antoinette, spreading centuries-old misogynist smear campaigns even further is always good for a laugh.

The story does make me more intrigued to read TID, though.

The Rise of the Hotel Dumont

This story is parodically gangstery, which bothers me less than the first couple of stories because the setting is so often parodied anyway. It gives the whole thing a rather Bugsy Malone feel (if less cute). The main downside is, obviously, that it makes the sad and horrifying events come off a bit pat. It's not a bad story, but it's so frothy it's almost nonexistent, which is impressive, considering the subject matter. Like so often before with these books, the emotional resonance is almost entirely missing.

I always wondered, since Magnus is the High Warlock of Brooklyn, if there were other High Warlocks in New York. I guess now I know! (Though is there a new one in Manhattan, or is it vacant?)

Magnus's comments about Harlem made me realize that everyone he has interacted with so far has been either white or various warlock colours. Does he ever hang out with other Indonesians, or is his past too sore for that?

Saving Raphael Santiago

The beginning, with its detective pastiche, is a bit too mannered, even if I can see what they're getting at. And again, the supposedly horrifying bits are mostly just meh. But as soon as Raphael shows up.... Yes. There's the emotional content I've been waiting for. I don't know if it's pre-existing feelings from the show, but I don't think so - Raphael has never been a favourite there. (I don't mind him. I just don't think much about him.)

He's super touching here, in his crabby, stubborn, drily funny way, and it makes me retroactively mourn his death even though I didn't when it happened. (Always have the character development BEFORE the death scene, it really helps!)

Watching him despair at what he has become was touching, and the parallell to Magnus's childhood heartwrenching. And then we get all that mulish determination Raphael has in getting himself fit to see his mother, and the strength of character required to make him second in command. (Which, I don't think book!Raphael would ever allow himself to get addicted to Izzy's blood. Not sure that's a point against that storyline - there are plenty of other points against it - but it did occur to me.)

I loved the, "I am someone who talks sense, and there is very little job competition."

Sidenotes: I don't throw my cat birthday parties, but then, I don't throw myself birthday parties either.

I think it's entirely fair that Raphael doesn't do the washing up.

I scribbled down "fist bumps in 1953?" and went to look it up. Apparently, there is some historical evidence that fist bumps happened earlier than that, but it definitely wasn't a common gesture until the 1970s or later. The more you know!

The Fall of the Hotel Dumort

I don't have a whole lot to say about this one. It wasn't bad. It wasn't exactly good either. I kind of wish we could have seen Magnus' and Camille's actual relationship, maybe that way it would have had more of an emotional punch. (Or is that in TID? If so, my bad for saving them until later.) Then again, scenes not having the weight they're supposed to have is a recurring theme with these books. But apart from that, I don't really have any complaints.

Oh, except one: Why would anyone do cocaine five times in an hour, and on a plane no less? It seems unnecessary. I've never done cocaine, but surely the effects last longer than that?

What to Buy the Shadowhunter Who Has Everything (And Who You're Not Officially Dating Anyway)

This is the first one I actually found kind of funny. I liked the demon coming with useless gift advice. (And as a Povel Ramel fan, I thought, "Hey, at least you're not buying a zebra...")

I'm also really warming up to Book!Raphael, who is amusing precisely because he's not trying to be. There's something so relatable about characters who are So. Done. With. Everything.

I continue to be entirely lukewarm on the book!Malec relationship, though, more's the pity.

The Last Stand of the New York Institute

I am wondering what, if anything, Catarina's magic can do for the AIDS patients. It's not really explained. I'm also not sure how I feel about the AIDS crisis being used as a backdrop like this. I get the parallell with various types of prejudice, but it still feels a little too close to just a way to say "hey, it's the 80s", like Magnus's clothes. IDK, I keep wavering back on forth on this one.

I am, however, pleased at my namesake being so awesome.

While I appreciate the irony of Lucian/Luke going after werewolves, I'm a bit "eh" on how the Circle members are written here. They come off as pretty flat, and not in a "threatening crowds are a scary mass of anonymousness" way (because nothing is really scary in this book). Valentine's evil is at least more vivid, even if it is a bit moustachio-twirling.

nd the stuff about the Herondale family dying out, again, seems very focused on family names rather than actual family. I mean, I assume Tessa had some female descendants at some point? So from her perspective, shouldn't their families count as well?

I did like the way Lucian saved the werewolf girl - that was mentioned in an earlier book, wasn't it? It seemed familiar when I read it.

The pacing of this particular story felt off; I wrote in my notes: "Summarizing stuff that should have been spelled out and spelling out things that should be summarized."

Fuck the joke about how Jane Austen would have claimed the TV was full of demons and hit it with her parasol. The woman was a literary genius living in a time of inventions. I hate the trope that everyone from the past was a moron.

The ending was kind of sweet. (Though I do wonder at almost-two-year-old Clary sitting still in her mother's arms long enough that Magnus thought she was a little baby. If nothing else, wouldn't the sheer size of the bundle give her away?)

The Course of True Love (And First Dates)

I have to admit, when Alec is described as this young and insecure, their relationship kind of squicks me. I know he's legal and everything, but legal isn't always the same as adult, and Alec is written as a very young kind of 18-year-old. I couldn't get away from the thought, "Jesus, Magnus, you're dating a kid." Which brings it right back to the disbelief I feel in general with paranormal YA romances, of "...but why would you even WANT to... they're not REMOTELY ready..." Which, of course, is because I'm twice as old as the intended audience, and I see it from the perspective of the immortal lover, not the teenager.

I never get that feeling with show!Alec. He's inexperienced, but he's still comfortably an adult, who knows how to handle responsibilities and how to stand up for himself. (Of course, the fact Matthew Daddario is almost 30 helps.) Then there's the fact that I get second-hand embarrassment easily and just found most of the date mortifying.

So, yeah. I read this one with a vague sense of discomfort, more than anything else. I liked the werewolf fight, though.

The Voicemail of Magnus Bane

Eh. This strikes me as something authors write to amuse themselves - or in this case, three authors amusing each other. I've got nothing against that. Just not sure it needed to be published. But then, I have a tendency to not be terribly amused by comedy in general. (I laugh at stuff. Just usually not stuff that goes I AM BEING FUNNY the way a lot of comedy does.)

It also served to put Isabelle on the list of "characters who are dicks in the books". Teenager or not, who the hell thinks that's appropriate?

But people who are not me may have found it funny, and if so, it served its purpose.

#magnus bane #shadowhunters #the bane chronicles

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shadehunters · 8 years ago

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soooo shadowhunters amiright?

okay yall so i’m just putting my thoughts down on this post after watching 2x09 and I have a lot of feelings about it. Most of this will be negative and very angry sounding so if that’s not your cup of tea than you should ignore this, otherwise feel free to agree or disagree. All of this is my personal opinion too so dont expect well thought out or well written meta either

Okay? cool.

(spoilers below the cut)

Alright so first of all:

I have sooooooo many issues with the shit that’s going down this season so first and foremost imma talk about my girl Maia

Why in gods name would Maia Roberts ever try to kill Clary??

First of all Maia is incredibly smart and tactical, so why would she ever try and kill Clary, a girl she was on friendly terms with, in broad daylight in front of her pack leader, another shadowhunter, and Simon? Also she tried to do it alone so that makes no fucking sense either; she knows how much the shadowhunters and Luke care about Clary so why bother going after her without any backup?? Ridiculous. (lmao what is characterization)

Secondly, and most important, Maia was abused and neglected by her own family. So it makes 0 sense to me that she would try to kill Clary and blame her for what Valentine shitty-parent-of-the-century Morgenstern is trying to do. In fact Maia seems like the least likely person to attack Clary cause she’s a) Simons best friend, b) Luke’s daughter (basically), and c) would never try to attack someone who’s been used and abused in a similar way that she had. She would never. (the show hasn’t gotten into Maias backstory yet so i’m basing this off of the her backstory from the books. They might change it in the show so i’ll stay tuned for that but even if they did change it, her feelings about clary still don’t make sense).

Not only that but Maia is canonically biracial in the books, and as a biracial girl myself, it is incredibly disheartening to see a character who is like you, being sweet and funny in one episode, and in the next be vilified by the writers. It’s also why i’m extremely protective of Maia because she’s one of the few characters that i identify with.

Now I say vilified because literally Maia was the only one who actively tried to kill Clary. Sure, Meliorn and Raphael suggested it but they never actually acted on their threats. Neither of them actually tried to hurt Clary so now i’m just confused. Way to go Freeform. (There better be a legit explanation for this or todd is gonna catch these hands)

Which brings me to my next point:

Why in the name of all that is holy would Luke Garroway, my father, ever lock her away in a closet???

Yes it was a closet, a supply closet to be exact, and it was just shoddy writing at best. First of all Maia is a fucking werewolf, no supply closet is gonna be able to keep her locked up, so Luke?? wyd bro?? He’s literally a cop who has access to 24 hour detention centers like are yall shitting me rn???

Second Maia said in the episode that she’s claustrophobic, and what’s worse is that Luke knows this. He knows she can’t handle small enclosed spaces. So locking her away was straight up irresponsible, especially for a pack leader like him, because she could panic, transform (which is exactly what happens), and potentially hurt people. Luke knows this and yet he still does it anyway. It would make more sense if he forbid her from leaving the Jade Wolf and ordered the pack to keep her in line but that’s not what he does. And i’m frustrated that that is the decision he makes (once again what is characterization) because he knows how Maia will react. Its stupid and, frankly, she didn’t deserve that at all.

Now here’s the other thing:

Why the fuck is raph/izzy happening?

It literally makes no sense to me whatsoever and it’s a ship that came out of the left field and blindsided everyone. Seriously who thought this was a good idea?

I hate this ship for several reasons:

1) It’s born out of a codependent drug addiction. There is nothing romantic or cute about a relationship like that nothing. Isabelle went to Raph thinking he’s helping her with her addiction but all he’s doing is supplying her with her fix and not actually helping her get over it. She’s using him for his venom and he’s likewise using her for her blood. WHAT ABOUT THIS IS ROMANTIC AM I MISSING SOMETHING HERE????

2) It’s mentioned by both Magnus and Victor that Raphael has struggled with resisting human blood in the past (the past being around the time he was turned) and Magnus helped him get over it. But that was decades ago (around the 1950s to be exact). You’d think that Raphael would have a hell of a lot more self control when it comes to human and shadowhunter blood, especially since the clave has a record of his past misdemeanors and he’s recovered from his own past addiction.

Also, and this is my main point of confusion, why the fuck would Raphael Santiago ever help feed a shadowhunters venom addiction, especially a Lightwood?? Raphael was alive when the Lightwoods joined the Circle, he knows their history, and he literally watched as Isabelle helped Simon and Clary escape with Camille, a person who is arguably one of the biggest threats to the NY vampire clans existence. If anything he’d be resentful of her because she’s the reason Camille threatened the clan again. Not only that but shadowhunters in general have made his life a living hell: they’ve threatened his clan multiple times, blamed him for Camilles escape, and literally tortured him. Raphael would never fully trust a shadowhunter or be with one intimately, especially Isabelle. She seems like the last person he’d want to be with.

speaking of Isabelle...

What the hell were they thinking?

Honestly I want a goddamn answer because I genuinely want to know why they decided drugs would be Isabelle’s storyline this season???

Jem Carstairs already had the yin fen storyline and I truly don’t understand why they gave her Jem’s storyline when they had other options. Like why is Izzy Maryse’s least favorite child (or why is Maryse harder on Izzy than she is on the other Lightwoods)? Shit she could’ve been researching for a way to rescue the downworlders Valentine has trapped but nooooo I gotta watch this garbage.

Not to mention the fact that one of the few latina characters (idc what Emeraude says Izzy is Latina) on the show has been turned into a drug addict i.e. a really negative stereotype (I don’t want to get into this too much because i’m not latinx and can’t speak on this accurately, i’m just going off of what other latinx fans have been saying). There were other storyline ideas that the writers could’ve gone with for Isabelle this season but they choose drugs??? Sorry but I don’t want to watch that when my faves onscreen time is better spent being the kind, badass, smart character she was last season. I want to see Isabelle being the best forensic pathologist in new york not depending on raphael to get her venom. No thanks.

Also I feel like they’re totally mischaracterizing my girl here. I mean the second she found out Victor gave her vampire venom she should’ve gone to Magnus or Alec. I mean I know izzy is proud but she’s also dedicated to her family and to being a shadowhunter, and yin fen gets in the way of both those things. Isabelle is more than this and i’m mad that this is how they’re treating her this season.

alright i think thats it for now, as you can see im very heated abt this and i hope the writers will explain or fix everything in due time

#shs wank #long post #im v annoyed can u tell

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thebatmanofshadowhunters · 8 years ago

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So with 2A about to end I figured I’d talk about what I’ve thought watching Shadowhunters. Not looking for drama/yes the show has flaws I’m not going to act like it’s the best show ever written. Watched season 1-2′s start in a week. So might miss,ommit,or mix up stuff this post’ll be under a readmore/lengthy. This is part one just talking about Malec,the show in general,other stuff to follow at another time.

*Content warning: Mentions of Alec and Magnus’ depression,history of suicide attempts for Magnus,and Alec’s attempt* (Will put an * to warn with when I bring those up*

Before the chaos: -They actually communicate -Bisexual,gay *figuring it out* actually well done compared to a lot of shows -Interracial couple too which is great -Skipped a lot of cliches,drama -Like the writers didn’t do that thing you know where it’s like ‘off on,toxic relationship,berating the other’s sexuality,random drama and love triangles’ -Could’ve done Alec chasing after Magnus only to get heartbroken as Magnus purposely flirts with people,tries making him jealous (Which would’ve sucked and isn’t the best writing,what they did’s actually pretty great) -Mean yeah there’s moments that the writers don’t do perfectly but a lot better than most. (Sometimes you get so straight writers writing what they thinks a relationship between lgbt+ characters but it turns out abusive,etc and isn’t the best) -They’re not just written to be a couple,they have their own storylines,and can kick ass without it being for the other person,can think for themselves,etc -Not hypersexualized (Feelings are the key point to the relationship,not which person’s butt is cuter)

Magnus Bane pre-malec: So Magnus Bane’s the awesome high warlock of brooklyn,club owner and swore off relationships basically. As he tells Alec later on but no doubt even warlock’s can’t just shut off emotions so Magnus probably did a lot of ‘I’m getting a feeling well there goes that bridge’.

And at first he sees Alec and it’s purely just light hearted and flirting. Mean the shadowhunter’s attractive no reason he can’t have a bit of fun. He’s been with a lot of people but probably a lot of bad relationships,watching them die or grow old,having to push people away,toxic relationships (Camille) that are abusive a longer thing because both are immortal on,off things. Swore it all off so it’s just flirting that’s the only real intention.

Maybe he thinks ‘aw he’s kind of cute’ the moment Alec stutters and fails to finish his own sentence. Time goes on there’s something going on,some feeling and it’s not like any time before. But he covers it with flirting,and quickly shaking off Alec’s reactions or lack thereof. You can tell quite a few times when Alec just goes ‘what’ and Magnus suddenly goes ‘my heart sunk a little for no reason but it’s fine’.

It grows stronger and eventually he probably’s like ‘okay look I need to sort this out and try to spare myself just a bit,see there’s no what if’s,give some closure’. Meanwhile he’s getting ‘no no’ and blank looks,etc but also the stuttering,brief smiles,etc from Alec. Confusing conflictions.

Isn’t entirely selfish after a while it becomes a sort of ‘the two of us deserve better than what if’s to haunt us’. Then Alec goes and is like ‘you know what I’m getting married to Lydia’ and for a second the warlock goes ‘and my heart hurts again great’ but then just doesn’t push too much going ‘alright fine I wish you well,won’t see you around if that’s the case’. Cue drinking a hallucination,dead friend,and his consciousness coming out saying he’ll regret it,etc at the least deserves to make sure Alec knows what he’s rushing into and- (Continue in the malec)

Alec Lightwood pre-malec: Probably not allowed himself to have many crushes,stuffed his emotions away. Never been in a relationship,never kissed anybody,had sex,flirting probably either goes over his head or he ignores it. Chicks gossip about Alec Lightwood and he doesn’t care about the whispered looks,flirty comments,and batted eyelashes.

Izzy gives him crap for it ‘come on big bro why won’t you go on that date’ and then he made up a fake girlfriend briefly. So his family’d leave him alone but gets so exhausted one day he just goes ‘oh yeah we broke up’. And drops the act without confessing.

Anyways he sees Magnus Bane and like ‘wow he’s hot’ crosses his mind briefly. He forgets how to talk,stutters like ‘really Alec it’s a downworlder,a guy don’t you think that’. And this warlock just casually knows what he means,finishes the sentence for him.

Then there’s the flirting it goes over his head a lot,but at the same time there’s something there. With each stare at him,and it’s starting to make him fail to speak properly. Causing shrugs,and slightly amused smiles like ‘holy shit a really hot downworlder,a guy is flirting with me and you know what I like it’. But due to the rules,etc he goes ‘no’. Rushes into marrying Lydia for his family,for his sister,and not thinking much for himself.

Magnus Bane malec:

Isabelle Lightwood for some reason invites him to Alec’s wedding and it probably hurts oh does it make his heart sink. Why invite him? And then if not for himself,but for Alec he decides to show up. Quickly goes ‘it’s between him and I and if he tells me to go I’m gone’. Stands there hair colored,makeup,and clothes he’d changed into waiting.

And the kiss surprises him,then the next lip lock the being grabbed,all of it. Then they talk and agree to not rush into anything. At Alec’s discomfort to his father’s asking ‘are you in love’ also the slight blush,and stuttering jumps in saying that it’s new. Which it is and makes sure Alec know it wasn’t for the two of them,or for Magnus the kiss was about Alec living his life.

Then they start being a couple and the whole time he’s probably like ‘this probably is going to end bad’. For example on their first date for that moment of finding out Alec’s lack of having ever even been on dates goes ‘oh shit what have I gotten into’ but then his face softens a bit as he goes ‘that’s actually kind of sweet’. But then goes Alec’s ‘how many exes you can round if you like’ and he gives his number and then heart sinking more and more as Alec Lightwood realizes the real number of flings,relationships,etc.

Somehow they have an actual healthy,communication going on and like it’s so new to Magnus. It’s love that he’s never felt before that he kind of tripped into against his ‘better’ judgement. Alec actually cares too a small gift not expecting anything in return,knocking,saying thank you. He’s still his own person but his heart’s a bit lighter. Magic blue quite a lot just because Alec’s around and he feels calmer with the shadowhunter around.

Worries always of course the relationship might go up in smoke. The heart stopping fear,concern as he hears Clary and Alec’s there on the ledge. Could panic,have frozen,gotten lost in all the emotions. But bursts out and his magic catches the shadowhunter and Magnus doesn’t necessarily have to sedate the shadowhunter. Possibly thinks it’ll be easier on Alec to sleep a bit,stop any other possible extreme actions and gently sets him down. After dealing with everybody is the first person there by Alec watching for him to wake up. Hand on Alec’s face a bit,trying to be comforting. Then he lets his emotions out no way is he just letting it slide. Nearly lost Alec and whoever invaded,etc sure is going to get his anger not held back. And instead of pushing Alec about it afterwards he goes ‘hey look I know what it’s like just promise me you’ll tell me if it gets that bad’.

Alec Lightwood malec:

Didn’t invite Magnus and for a moment it’s like ‘okay hold up this wasn’t my plan’. His breath hitches though and he remembers when Magnus used the magic almost to help go ‘this is what love feels like’. Alec’s pulse races,and he can’t look away from the warlock goes to make his apology to Lydia. She just tells him to go for it and leaves. He probably stops thinking,all he knows is he wants to kiss Magnus. Ignoring his mother and pulls the warlock into a kiss,then a few more.

Afterwards is scared when confronted some (Who wouldn’t be) but he’s also still probably full of adrenaline from the moment. When his parents try digging at him for it just goes ‘Well I intended to get to know him then’. ‘it’s just all out in the open now’. Basically going ‘my life for better or worst and I did it for me’. Goes about the relationship trying to figure everything out. On their date was willing to let Magnus win pool,etc. Tries liking the drinks Magnus gives him but can’t help making faces. Freaks out some like ‘I’ve been with nobody and here he’s been with so many people’ and such. Even going to just leave then goes ‘that’d be stupid so what about the differences’ and kisses Magnus.

Getting Magnus a little gift for no purpose other than to be kind. Probably enjoying his reaction too much the way he just tosses aside the bag and stares at it in surprise. And he’s happier ya know bit easier to breathe even for all the worries,the doubts. Annoyed when people do that thing where they say ‘friend’ like “I kissed him at my own wedding,we’re dating,had sex and you seriously just can’t be bothered grow up and accept I’ve got a warlock boyfriend”.

When he falls off that roof he doesn’t expect being caught,etc and after waking up it’s a witch hunt. But after the long night he probably was a mess,yet comforted everybody else ignoring himself. Then Magnus brings it up and he’s like ‘magic you know stupid spell all that’ rambling trying to cover up and Magnus just goes “I know been there,just promise you’ll tell me if it gets that bad” and he goes ‘right will do’ probably thinking nothing much of it. But it’s his word and he’ll stick to the promise if it ever comes up

#out of shadowhunter's blood #//no reblogs plz this isn't how I want to go down in history//

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rhosyn-du · 4 years ago

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Title: A Wonderful Institution Artist: @bidnezz Pairings: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, various background pairings Word Count: ~53k Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, discrimination against Downworlders, reference to rape, Clave-typical homophobia, implied character death, minor character death Summary: Magnus doesn’t have time for this bullshit. Warlocks are disappearing in New York City—five people in less than three months—and Magnus is determined to find them and protect the rest of his people from whatever took them. He doesn’t have time for politics, and he certainly doesn’t have time for whatever nonsense the Clave is proposing about marrying a Shadowhunter to a Downworlder as part of the new Accords. He doesn’t really have time for a pretty Shadowhunter who’s surprisingly kind to warlock children, either, but, well, he’s always been good at multitasking.

Alec always knew he couldn’t have what he wanted, but he’s spent the nearly four years since the newly-appointed Consul recalled his parents to Idris without explanation making the best of what he can have. When life suddenly offers up almost everything Alec actually wants on a silver platter, he can’t quite bring himself to trust it, especially when it comes with a million caveats and a side of impending disaster. But he knows how to handle disasters, even if the return of the Circle on top of Clave secrets that could destroy the Accords is way beyond the disasters he’s used to fielding. Hope, on the other hand? He doesn’t know what to do with that.

This fic was created for the @malecdiscordserver Mini Bang 2020.

Chapter Eleven

The floor of the cell was steel, Magnus knew that much. He thought it was maybe four feet by four feet wide, not long enough to stretch out fully lying down, but almost long enough corner to corner. He was fairly certain he was on a boat of some sort. He didn’t know how long he’d been there. He couldn’t see the sun, and no one spoke to him. The door and walls were opaque, so he couldn’t see out. If they were feeding him regular meals, and Magnus suspected they were, since they’d been very careful to tend his injuries and keep him from further injuring himself, then he’d been there for maybe two days.

When he’d been taken by the Circle, when Valentine insisted on keeping him alive, Magnus had assumed that Valentine or one of his cronies would eventually explain why they needed him alive. He’d expected to be questioned, at least. He hadn’t been. He’d merely been put in this cell and forgotten, other than to have his basic needs met. No one even bothered to gloat. Whatever the Circle needed him for, he was nothing to them.

He tried not to think of Alexander, of the way Alexander’s screams echoed in his ears as his captors dragged him through the portal. He tried not to think of Alexander’s blood staining the rug on their dining room floor. He tried not to think of Ragnor, captured by Valentine and forced to commit this awful act. He tried not to think of the wards on his loft he hadn’t thought to update after Ragnor had been taken. The wards that had allowed the Circle into his loft, allowed them to take him. Allowed them to kill Alexander.

No, he wouldn’t think about Alec. Not now. He couldn’t. He needed to keep his wits about him because he was going to escape. He was going to escape and kill every single person responsible.

It was the same circle of thoughts he’d been through for the past however many hours he’d been here. It was his fault, and he was going to kill everyone who’d been responsible for hurting Alexander, and then... He never got past that part.

The sound of approaching footsteps signaled what was likely another meal. Magnus thought it must be too soon. He was sure he’d only just finished breakfast (or was it lunch?), but no one ever came to his cell for any other reason, so clearly that’s what was going on. Except the footsteps didn’t sound like the heavy boots most Shadowhunters favored, or the dress shoes some of the more dapper Circle members were prone to. Personally, Magnus thought it made them look like mobsters, but in a sense, they kind of were, so he didn’t question it.

These footsteps, though, were soft, almost cautious. It was only somewhat of a surprise, then, when there was a quick tap on the door of his cell, and a familiar voice called softly, “Magnus? Are you there?”

“Dorothea!” Magnus jumped to his feet, pushing as close to the door as his restraints would allow.

“Oh, thank god I got the right cell,” Dot breathed. “We’ve been trying to figure out where they were keeping you for days.”

“Dot, do you know what’s happening?” Magnus questioned. “Where are we? Are the other warlocks who were taken here, too? What does Valentine want from me?”

“I don’t have much time,” Dot told him, “but I’ll tell you what I can. We’re in a cargo ship on the East River. We only come and go by portal, so I never know the exact location. At least some of the Downworlders Valentine has kidnapped are here. I don’t know if he’s keeping others at another location, or if they’re all dead. Not everyone survives his experiments.” Her voice dropped. “One of the little girls they brought in didn’t.”

“I’m glad you’re alive,” Magnus told her. He couldn’t bring himself to ask about Ragnor, although Dot had mentioned him. He knew what happened to Alexander wasn’t Ragnor’s fault, not really, but he couldn’t get the image out of his mind of Ragnor’s magic ripping Alec’s skin open, spraying blood across the table and floor. “And that you were able to find me. Dot, we have to find a way out of here.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Dot told him. “There’s not much Ragnor and I can do. Whatever Valentine injected us with, we can’t disobey a direct order from him, and it’s hard enough even getting around what he hasn’t told us. There’s powerful magic protecting this place, too. Anyone trying to leave on foot or going over the side is killed instantly, and all of the warlocks have been ordered not to open any portals except under Valentine’s explicit command.”

“I don’t supposed Valentine conveniently forgot to tell you not to release me?” Magnus asked.

“No, but Jocelyn is awake, and she thinks if Valentine is distracted enough, she might be able to get you free.”

Magnus snorted. “No offense to Jocelyn’s clearly amazing and well-considered plan, but I sincerely doubt after everything that’s happened, Valentine is going to trust Jocelyn enough to let her out of his sight.”

“That’s where the distraction comes in,” Dot told him. “Valentine is planning to contact Clary and offer to trade Jocelyn for the Mortal Cup. He’s not actually planning to make the trade, of course. He wants Jocelyn and the Cup. And Clary. But when Clary shows up, he’ll be distracted, and Jocelyn thinks she’s figured out a way to use that distraction to get you free.”

“What makes any of you think Clary is going to agree to the trade?” Magnus asked. “Even if she did, the Clave isn’t going to just agree to hand over the Cup.”

“Magnus, I’ve known Clary since she was a child. If there’s any chance of getting her mother back, she’ll take it, no matter what the cost is. I know it and Jocelyn knows it, and unfortunately Valentine knows it.”

“But the Clave—” Magnus protested.

“Are distracted right now,” Dot said gently. “It’s all part of Valentine’s plan to start a war between the Clave and the Downworld. He killed Alec Lightwood and made it look like you did it.”

The words hit Magnus like a blow to the chest, and for a moment, he couldn’t breathe. He’d known, of course. He’d seen. But there had been some tiny spark of hope left, deep in his heart, that Alexander had somehow managed to survive. Dorothea’s words snuffed that spark like it was a cheap candle.

He had to remind himself that Dot didn’t mean to be callous. She’d never met Alec. She didn’t know—couldn’t know—what he’d meant to Magnus.

“That’s why you’re here,” Dot continued. “Valentine plans to kill you in a couple more days and leave your body somewhere conspicuous, to make it look like you were killed by Shadowhunters in retaliation. Even the people who don’t believe you’re responsible for the murder will believe that.”

“But why?” Magnus asked, swallowing down his grief and trying to focus. “Surely, even Valentine knows what a disaster a war between the Clave and the Downworld would be. It would be a bloodbath!”

“He doesn’t care about Downworlders dying—he wants us all dead—and he sees the Shadowhunters who would die as necessary casualties. He thinks this will convince the Clave that he was right all along, that it will open them up to being taken over by the Circle. He thinks it will destroy the Accords.”

“He’s insane.” Magnus said. It all made a horrible kind of sense, and Magnus hated it. He wondered how long Valentine had been planning this. Was this his plan even before he and Alexander had been chosen to make the marriage for the Accords, or was this plan specific to the two of them? It might not have worked with someone less well-known than he was, at least not as well. It was just one more thing to feel guilty for. If not for him and his ridiculous, spur of the moment decision to volunteer, the Downworld might not be in danger. Alexander might still be alive.

“He’s beyond insane,” Dot agreed. “I think he actually believes that he and Jocelyn and Clary can be a happy family once they’re all together again.”

“At least,” Magnus said, “a madman is more likely to make mistakes. Tell Jocelyn that I’m being held in manacles that bind me from using my magic. If she can get me free of these, then I’ll do everything in my power to take Valentine down.”

“We’ll try to get word to you about when the exchange is going to happen, but I don’t know if we’ll be able to, so you’ll have to be ready.”

“I don’t exactly have a good way of keeping track of time anyway,” Magnus said. “Be careful, all of you. And Dorothea?” He took a deep breath, needing to say the words, needing to mean them. “Tell Ragnor I don’t blame him.”

There was a beat of silence before Dot promised, “I will.”

Magnus listened to her soft footsteps fade away down the hallway, leaving him alone in his cell with his thoughts once again.

Consciousness returned in fits and starts. Alec was aware of voices first. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but he recognized Jace and Izzy and a third voice he knew but couldn’t place. He knew the third voice was friendly, though, so he let it go, let everything go and slipped back into unconsciousness.

The second time he woke, sort of woke, it was to touch. On his arm, on his face. This time, he recognized the voice, the third voice from before. Catarina. She must be healing him, he realized. He was injured. That was why he was unconscious. Semi-conscious. Whatever. But he was with Catarina, and Jace, and Izzy, and he was safe. He let himself drift again.

The third time, he was aware that something was missing. Someone was missing. Something was deeply, deeply. Wrong. Catarina was there again, and Izzy. He could hear them talking, but still couldn’t tell what they were saying. He recognized one word, though. Magnus. That’s what was missing. Who was missing. Magnus. And then he remembered. The portal, the Shadowhunters and warlocks and pain and blood and Magnus. God, they’d taken Magnus. This time, he fought unconsciousness tooth and nail, but he was no match for it, and it pulled him under once again.

The fourth time Alec woke, he was determined to stay awake. There were no voices this time, but he was aware of a presence sitting beside him. Jace. With great effort, Alec forced his eyes open. He was lying on his side, facing a small, wooden table. From the table, a folded paper frog stared back at him.

His eyes flickered to where Jace was sitting beside the bed. “Where’s Magnus?”

“You’re at Catarina’s,” Jace told him. “We brought you here after we found you bleeding out at the loft, and then Lydia thought it was best if you stayed here instead of the Institute. I'll explain everything in a minute, but I have to call Izzy and Lydia and tell them you’re awake, and Catarina will probably want to look you over again.”

Alec reached out to grab Jace’s arm, even that small movement making his head spin. “Jace,” he said as evenly as he could manage, “where’s Magnus?”

“I don’t know,” Jace said, shaking his head. “You were alone when we found you.”

“Alec?” came a small voice from the doorway.

“Madzie,” he said, struggling into a sitting position and forcing a smile. “Hey.”

“You got hurt again,” she told him, walking over to the bed. She had Mr. Flopsy clutched tight in her arms.

“I’m going to call Iz and let Catarina know you’re awake,” Jace said.

Alec gave him a quick nod, then turned back to Madzie. “I did,” he agreed, “but Catarina healed me and now I’m all better.”

“You were asleep for a long time. I couldn’t stay all the time, but I left a frog to watch you while I was gone,” she added, pointing at the paper frog on the table.

“Thank you,” Alec told her. “He did a very good job guarding me.”

“I wanted to make you a dragon, but it’s not finished yet.”

“Maybe you could work on it some more while I check Alec’s injuries,” Catarina suggested as she entered the room, Jace following behind her.

“I want to stay with Alec,” Madzie insisted.

“We’re going to be doing boring, adult stuff," Alec told her. "You should work on that dragon so you can show it to me when I’m done being boring.”

Madzie stared at him for a long moment, considering. “Okay,” she said finally. “You’re not allowed to get hurt while I’m gone, though.”

“It’s a deal,” Alec told her. He waited until he heard a door open and close elsewhere in the house before demanding, “What happened? How did I get here? Why am I here instead of the Institute?”

“I felt you dying,” Jace said. “I felt you get hurt, and I knew that you were dying, and I just. I grabbed Iz and Clary, and we ran to the loft. We got there as fast as we could, and you were still hanging on when we got there. And then Catarina showed up.”

“Someone made a very obvious, very loud mess of Magnus’s wards,” Catarina explained. “On purpose, I suspect. I couldn’t help but notice.”

“Ragnor,” Alec said. “Valentine and the Circle attacked us at the loft. They had warlocks with them under the influence of that mind-control serum, and Ragnor was one of them. If someone was trying to attract attention, it was probably him.”

“That sounds like something he’d do,” Catarina agreed. “You were close to dying when I got there, but I was able to stabilize you. You lost a lot of blood.”

“We brought you back here,” Jace explained. “We weren’t sure what had happened, and we didn’t know where Magnus was, so we brought you here. And this is where Catarina keeps all of her healing supplies. We called Lydia to let her know you’d been attacked, and she told us to stay where we were.”

“I was worried about moving you,” Catarina said. “Along with the blood loss, you had some spinal injuries.”

Alec remembered that searing flash of pain through his middle. Yeah, spinal injuries would definitely explain that.

“How long have I been out?” Alec wanted to know.

“Almost three days,” Catarina told him.

Three days. He’d been unconscious for three days. Magnus had been in Valentine’s hands for three days .

“We have to find Magnus,” Alec said. “Valentine took him. They took him and they left me to die. We have to find him.”

He tried ineffectually to get out of bed, but he was weak enough that Jace was able to hold him back with one hand. He was weak enough that Jace didn’t even flinch when Alec tried to throw a punch.

“Dude, relax,” Jace said. “You’re not strong enough to get out of bed, let alone go after the entire Circle by yourself.”

“Believe me,” Catarina said, “no one is planning on leaving Magnus in Valentine’s hands.”

“Right now, we don’t know what Valentine is planning,” Lydia said, striding into the room with Izzy and Clary trailing behind her, “but we do have some clues. I heard rumors of your supposed murder before Jace and Izzy even told me you’d been attacked. It seemed pretty suspicious, which is why we decided to keep you here while you healed instead of taking you back to the Institute.”

“You wanted to keep it a secret that I’m alive?” Alec nodded in understanding. “That was a good plan. The Consul warned me there was a possibility that the Circle might have infiltrated the Institute.”

Lydia’s eyebrows shot up at that. “The Consul never felt the need to tell me anything about that.”

“She kept it under pretty tight wraps,” Alec told her. “Only a few people knew, and I’m only one of them because the Circle chose to make its reappearance in New York.”

“And you’ve deemed me trustworthy now that I haven’t killed you when I had the chance?” Lydia guessed.

“Pretty much,” Alec told her. “No offense.”

“None taken. You barely know me, so of course you didn’t trust me. I’m just glad you do now because we have a serious problem on our hands.”

“No kidding,” Alec agreed. “Do you know why Valentine wants me dead?”

“We’re pretty sure he’s the one who started the rumors that Magnus killed you,” Izzy chimed in.

Alec stared at her. “That’s ridiculous. Who would even believe that?”

“People who don’t know you,” Lydia said. “People who don’t know Magnus. There are plenty in the Clave who thought this marriage was a mistake from the start. Those people are more than happy to believe that it ended in murder.”

“Then we need to tell them that I’m alive,” Alec said. “The Accords—”

“The Accords will survive another day,” Izzy said. “Until you’re healed enough to protect yourself, we couldn’t risk it. Consul Penhallow knows you’re alive, and so do Mom and Dad. They all agreed keeping it quiet was the best choice.”

“We didn’t know who to trust, either,” Lydia said.

“And as long as Valentine thinks you’re dead, then he still has the incentive to keep Magnus alive for whatever scheme he’s working on,” Catarina said.

“That’s good thinking,” Alec agreed. “What do we know?”

“We know that Jocelyn Fairchild is awake,” Jace said. “Valentine used the portal shard to contact Clary a couple hours ago. He offered to make a trade, Jocelyn for the Mortal Cup.”

Alec looked at Clary. “Did you tell him to fuck off?”

“I told him I needed time to think about it,” Clary said. “If there’s even a chance we could get my mother back, we have to try.”

“But we’re not actually planning to give him the Cup,” Jace said quickly. Alec appreciated the clarification, even if he’d figured that was the case. Even if Clary was reckless enough to do so, even if she’d managed to weave whatever her magic of persuasion was to convince Jace and Izzy, there was no way Lydia would have agreed to any such thing.

“We can trade a fake,” Clary said, “and get my mom back.”

“And then follow Valentine back to his hideout,” Catarina added, “so we know where he's keeping the missing Downworlders.”

“Then we raid the hideout, rescue the Downworlders, and take Valentine and the rest of Circle into custody,” Alec concluded. “It's a good plan. I'm leading the raid on Valentine's hideout.”

This pronouncement was met with a chorus of disagreement, but Alec held up a hand to forestall them. “The only reason I'm not out there looking for Magnus right now is that this plan is probably the fastest way to find him.”

“And because you can't stand up without falling over,” Jace muttered.

Alec threw him a fierce glare, but Jace glared right back.

“Dude, you almost died. You're in no shape to go back into the field yet.”

It was a conversation they'd had before, more than once. Alec distinctly disliked being on this side of it.

“How long before I'm fully recovered?” he asked Catarina.

“Four days if you're lucky. A week or two if you're not.”

“That's too long,” Alec said, shaking his head. “How long until I can stand up without getting dizzy?”

“You'll probably be walking again by tomorrow, but—”

“Good,” Alec said, cutting her off. “Clary, contact Valentine. Tell him you need time to get the Cup, but you can make the exchange tomorrow night.”

He turned to Catarina. “You know any warlocks who might be willing to help take down the Circle?”

She gave him a grim smile. “I don't have the kind of connections Magnus does, but I know a few. And I know Raphael would be willing to conscript the entire New York vampire clan to help rescue Ragnor and Magnus.”

“Can he do that?” Alec asked.

“Yeah,” Jace said slowly, “There was kind of this whole thing while you were out where Camille illegally turned Clary's mundie friend—”

“His name is Simon!” Clary interjected.

“—and her clan didn't take too kindly to her breaking the Accords, so Raphael is in charge now.”

Alec blinked. “Okay. Any other major political upheavals I missed while I was unconscious?”

He meant it as sarcasm, but Clary piped up, “Luke is the Alpha of the New York pack now. And I know he'll want to be involved in rescuing Mom.”

“Sure,” Alec said. “Fine. Anything else?” He looked at Izzy, half expecting her to tell him a goat was the new Seelie Queen.

Izzy grinned. “Isn't that enough? I can ask Meliorn if any seelies want in on the action, though.”

“Might as well make it a party,” Alec said. “Lydia, I can give you a list of Shadowhunters I'm pretty sure we can trust on this mission. Can you get them ready without letting in what we’re actually doing? I don't want them to know what the mission is, or that I'm alive, until the last minute, just in case.”

“Not a problem,” Lydia said. “What do we tell the Council?”

“What have you told them already?”

“Not much,” Lydia admitted. “Just the message I sent to Consul Penhallow letting her know you’re alive and that we were keeping you hidden. I haven't exactly had time to make detailed reports with everything that's going on.”

“Good,” Alec told her. “I think you'll be too busy for the next couple days, too, don't you?”

Lydia made a face. “If this doesn't work, the Council will have our asses for not clearing it with them first.”

“If we make a report to the Council and any of it gets back to Valentine, our plan is shot,” Alec argued. “If the mission goes south, I'll take full responsibility. My Institute, my fuck-up.”

“All right,” Lydia relented.

Alec glanced around the room. “What are the rest of you still standing around for? I gave you jobs, go do them.”

For a wonder, they actually did.

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #fanfic

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