#it probably has the most influence on betty. who has definitely had one of the most 'age regression-y' treatments next to archie

[wallbeatjournal]

i feel like if i could understand what nadine twin peaks getting age regression amnesia and super-strength and going back to high school for most of a season meant to twin peaks i could for sure maybe probably almost 100% figure out what 50sdale means to riverdale. perhaps

[koimethehorizon]

Fionna and Cake theory: Simon the Artist

Nothing like a good old creative panic attack.

Fionna and Cake good. Haven’t been excited about a show like this in a long time, though it being a part of Adventure Time does help quite a bit. I was holding on to some cautious optimism for the show when it was announced as yet another big IP series covering the multiverse (still waiting to groan at THAT scene where Prismo has to explain to us about there being infinite universes), but as usual, Adventure Time’s crew continues to surprise me with its creativity, humor, and thematic resonance.

The most striking part about Fionna and Cake so far is just how deliberately the show wants us to differentiate it from the original Adventure Time.

We’re getting shots where Simon pops an artery from his arm, a theme song that explicitly talks about suicidal ideation, discussions of rent and financial problems, and curses no longer disguised with AT’s usual dialogue. Adventure Time has always had violence, thematic density, and juvenile rating pushers, but they were always reserved at small points. Meanwhile, these are factors that are just casually shown and discussed in Fionna and Cake every 3 minutes or so. This is not an all-ages miniseries, it’s for young adults. (hint: this will be relevant later)

Let’s get right into it. This is much less a speculative lore theory and more on what thematic direction the story may be going.

Before we do, let’s get this out of the way first. This theory assumes that the current Fionna and Cake world is all a part of Simon’s head and not merely a separate multiverse, which… I’m certain is fact for the following reasons.

The immediately obvious piece is that Fionna and Cake was always the Ice King’s fanfiction. Now if you’re versed in AT’s continuity you’re probably going to be asking about the red light in Fionna and Cake + Fionna and… I’ve no answer for it unfortunately. It’ll probably be relevant later in the series and possibly age this post like milk but for now, we’re not here to focus on the how, but the why.

Second is that the intro and the ending of Ep 2 literally show Fionna’s world spilling right out of Simon’s head like an animated world out of a frozen brain. If that isn’t clear enough-

Didn't realize this until writing, but these glasses are just plastic made to look like Betty's

There’s no other explanation for this other than that this world is artificial or influenced by Simon in some sense. Fionna even specifies that the statue went under renovation 12 years ago, but nobody seems to know who it is. Considering how Finn looks in the episode, it’s likely that it’s been that long since Betty’s sacrifice in the finale.

With that out of the way, here it goes.

The reason Fionna and Cake exist in the first place is because the creators found Natasha Allegri’s genderswap designs charming and wanted an in-universe reason to use them the Ice King wanted to create trashy, wish fulfillment through art. It was a phase.

Definitely changed that image for publishing.

Simon can argue if they’re good or bad but it’s undeniably his art. It’s not just a portfolio he left behind in a closet, it’s an experience that was shared with a larger audience.

And even if wasn’t liked at first, the citizens of Ooo seemed to have come around to it. And some of them love it!

Whether Simon likes it or not, he has a fan base that is so endeared to the story he made all those years ago that they demand he makes more. Why let a good story, loved by many, go to rest when you still have some life and creativity left in you?

Can't move on in more ways than one.

Except, the problem is that Simon isn’t Ice King anymore. He’s aged out of it.

His real passion is history, he's an adult who who finds passion in the mundane and antiques from the past. And frankly, there isn’t much room for wish-fulfillment and fantasy anymore. Simon has responsibilities. He has a job and a daughter in a world that is moving faster than he can process.

And where Ice King wrote about looking for love, Simon has already had it.

And lost it. His mind isn’t focused on the rosiness of finding new love, it’s grieving the one he already thought was the one.

Wasn't he supposed to be good with kids?

Despite his new life experiences, all his peers seem to want from him is to make more of what they’re familiar with.

A story made from wants and wishes that he doesn’t even have anymore.

A story that was literally made by someone else at a different time. It’s a fiction he cannot connect to anymore, art that he’s embarrassed by. Yet also jealous of. Because at one point, the body Simon used to be in understood what exactly was missing from his life and could express that easily.

Seeing it again is like experiencing a retrospection of a cringey loser you don’t want to imagine having ever been. It’s not you anymore, and you don’t want to be reminded of that.

Because despite him having a new creative passion, no one seems to care about that. All they want is Fionna and Cake. And what is more lonely than other people misunderstanding what you’re trying to express?

If I failed to make it clear somehow, my theory is that: Simon’s relationship with Fionna and Cake is a metaphor for creators growing out of their art. And this new Fionna and Cake world is still comfort art born out of Simon’s current desires and perceptions.

The snippet subtitles this “child holding a phone”. I guess I’m wrong. Essay over.

Episode 1 and 2 both have direct parallels with each other. They’re both about a protagonist who are feeling displaced from their world, living a phase of losing a significant other, leaving a thankless job, wearing a mask of stability in front of the people they care for, seeking a guru at the heart of the forest, and concluding that they no longer belong in their current world.

But more importantly, Fionna and Cake (the characters, the world, and the show) are no longer for an all-ages crowd. Fionna and Cake now feature young adults, curses, gore, alcohol, partial nudity, financial issues, morning routines, mid-life crisis, and overt suicidal ideation. These are the feelings that Simon relates to and possibly desires to express through art. Thus, his story and our new miniseries have warped that way.

Am I overthinking this? No. How dare you assume that.

Is equating the unconscious writings of his dementia-ridden self to Simon as his younger self seem a bit odd? ….Kinda. Again, it’s not the how but the why that matters in this case. I'm NOT crazy, I have proof that there is some acknowledgment of this directly in the show.

Rewatch the bar scene and apply this reading of the episode to what Simon says there:

“Your old stuff, Fionna and Cake, honest to glob my man, is an inspiration to me.”

“My old stuff, I don’t really want to talk about my old stuff…”

“Why not? You should be proud! You wrote an entire extended universe in a fugue state if you think about it.”

"Simon cringes"

If you have ever shared art with a group of people in the past, you’ve had this conversation.

Not likely, not possibly, no perhapses. You HAVE.

And Fionna and Cake being an epilogue to a massive award-winning, near-decade-spanning, cultural sensation 5 years after it ended, might result in its creators feeling very retrospective about what audiences want from them now.

And how difficult it’s going to be to tell new experiences and tones from what’s come before. Also, come on. “Extended Universe?” That doesn’t sound like Fionna and Cake. That sounds a lot like something else.

Again, seems bad with this kid.

One of the more profound shots in the main trailer for the show features the inconspicuously Finn-like kid crouching at her Fionna and Cake book in Simon’s trash. I believe this character is going to have a major role in two ways. Convincing Simon to be proud of what he’s accomplished and/or embracing that Simon wants to move away from his original work in order to create something new, or perhaps more likely, reinvent Fionna and Cake into what Simon relates to now.

We’ll just have to see what Simon thinks of his new Fionna next week.

PS. Talking as a fan now, WHAT IS UP WITH THE 1000+ TREEHOUSE IN THE INTRO?!!! ARE WE REVISITING THIS TIMELINE AGAIN?

SOMEONE TELL ME NOW!!!

[davestriderascend]

the homestuck reread, pt 3

im deep into act 6 rn, and i have a feeling this is a good time for another recap. for anyone new here, i first started reading homestuck in 2014 as an archival and then serial reader, and i am now rereading it again through the unofficial collection for the first time, along w bonus content i didnt engage w the first time. ive already recapped acts 1-5 in their entirety. i also posted a separate recap chain of the formspring.

in this post, i will be recapping up to but not including a6a4. if youre looking for my thoughts on the dancestors in a6i3, thatll be its own post. assuming anyone reading this has already read my previous recaps, and anyone not reading this would enjoy not having their dash dominated by this post, the recap will be under the cut.

before we get started, there were a couple of albums released during act 5 act 2 that i hadnt listened to yet at the time of my recap, so heres those rq:

Act 5 Act 2 Albums

Prospit & Derse: i finished it right after making that post pretty much TuT and what i said in my previous recap is pretty accurate! derse dreamers remains my favorite. i dont really have anything to add, i think i covered it pretty well before.

Vol 1-4: it does not in fact have new stuff. this is just volumes 1-4, which i already recapped in my initial post. i did look tho :')

Vol 8: this is another pretty generic catchall album, as the numbered ones tend to be! however, i remember thinking as i was listening to it that the songs at the beginning were just really beautiful pieces, really stunning to listen to. there are also a lot of serious BANGERS in this album. ive had davesprite and arcade thunder on my playlist for ages, but it also has THE classic, the acapella midnight crew cover. i dont think all of them are hits, but most of them definitely are.

anyway, with that covered, lets get into act 6.

Act 6 Act 1

this is the act that introduces us to the post-scratch earth for the first time, starting with jake and jane as introductory characters, and hinting at roxy and dirk. its extremely short, and almost nothing fucking happens tbh. during this time, hussie is starting to use tumblr, and makes the infamous olive garden saga posts.

The Characters

upon introduction, jane believes fully in the betty crocker empire, and has like zero patience for her friends telling her it sucks. shes stubborn, headstrong, and very excited for her turn on the crocker throne. shes shown to be using exclusively bc products, which have mind altering powers that have been implied to have been subtly influencing her her whole life. she mentions that she used to have an antagonistic relationship with her dad, not unlike the one john describes with his dad when talking to his friends, but says that in the past three years theyve really ironed it out and worked through their misunderstandings. they now have a good relationship, albeit with some of the usual teenage/fatherly tension thats only natural.

jake introduces himself loudly proclaiming his love of adventure, fisticuffs, and movies. he talks a lot about admiring his grandma and her scientific genius, but doesnt feel that he measures up to her at all (he goes on to downplay his own understanding of science a lot, in the next several acts). however, we see very quickly that jake avoids going outside, is scared of the monsters on his island, and fails to beat brobot even when brobot is set on novice mode, so a lot of that stuff probably isnt true. another big thing that were introduced to very quickly is jakes firm and willing belief system. he trusts his friends wholeheartedly and loudly, in perfect opposition to jane, whos skeptical of everything, and he proclaims his belief to the point where it feels almost like hussie is grinding his page of hopeness into your face.

The Tumblr

ill talk about the tumblr as a whole more later, i think, so for rn ill just stick to the olive garden debacle. i actually did read this, way back in the day, and i remember thinking then that it was hilarious. it still is. unlike the formsprings, which i warn you to never touch w a ten foot pole, i HIGHLY recommend giving at least the olive garden saga a read if youre a hardcore fan. 10/10.

Act 6 Intermission 1

theres an emerging theme early in act 6 where the sub acts center around the alpha kid session, and the intermissions center around like.... everything else, mostly. its hussies way of checking in on dreambubble shenanigans, the meteor, and the ship. theyre just sort of updates, rather than full, lengthy expositions. the first intermission is super short and almost 100% just about the start of the meteor and ship trips, with the kids meeting up with the trolls, aradias corpse party that couldve been, and john slamming karkat in the face with a bucket. im sure we all remember it well. also, bec noir and pm are chasing each other around. there is pretty much nothing to say about this intermission.

Act 6 Act 2

here we return to the alpha session, where roxy and dirk are finally introduced. there are some shenanigans happening with the kids dreamselves, but at the end of the act, jane is finally the first kid to enter the medium. acts are still pretty short. during this time, the album song of skaia was published, and hussie announced a contest for the next album, which ill talk about later.

The Characters:

every session has a different version of jack. the trolls had spades slick, who became exiled and created a city where the midnight crew and the felt reside (keeping in mind that doc scratch is also the trolls first guardian). the beta kids had bec noir, who obliterated the trolls and beta kids sessions after gaining the powers of the kids first guardian (bec), and is now running around with pm locked in a perma stalemate after nearly killing wv (who was dropped off w the kids on the meteor and nursed back to health, becoming the mayor we all know and love). in the alpha kids session, jack works for hic, who usurped the black queen of their session long before the session even began (if youll recall, hic replaced the handmaid as le's servant at the end of act 5, and so everything she does in act 6 (including her takeover of earth) is as a servant of le). hes more proactive than ever, breaking the social customs and rules of derse and prospit to attack and (sometimes successfully) kill the alpha kids dreamselves. this is the jack that eventually becomes jack english, but ill talk more about that in another post.

i just thought this was a good time to make sure were all caught up on jacks shenanigans.

anyway, roxy is absolutely wasted through these early sub acts. and roxy, when drunk, is kind of an asshole. i love roxy, i adore her, and i remember her being one of the kindest characters in hs, so i was really shocked to read through these early acts and find just how mean she could be to her friends during this time. while shes generally chipper and bubbly, she can be harsh, frequently saying things that come off... really fucking mean, actually, and shes also pretty pushy, flirting with hal and jake even when it makes dirk and jane uncomfortable respectively. she is also... a little bit whiny, and pretty petty, literally giving jane a virus that will blow up her computer bc shes suddenly decided she doesnt want to play sburb, after blowing her friends off all day despite their longtime plans. its a really rough time period for her.

dirk, like dave in the early hs acts, isnt.... there much. like he really doesnt actually have a huge role? his dialogue is limited, with hal communicating w his friends 99% of the time instead. like dave, hes also the expert and voice of reason among the group, although where dave is more of a passive characters others can turn to when they have questions, dirk makes bold claims about manipulating things behind the scenes and being the secret leader of the session. dirk is already in action, already busy, already awake on derse, and so hes usually too busy for conversation.

instead, hal takes prominence in the first two acts. hal is quippy and quick, and actually seems to get along with dirks friends pretty well, despite their initial frustration at being unable to reach dirk. he has sincere dialogue with roxy, opening up about his feelings with her while also giving her a space to indulge in things dirk doesnt want to do. jane and him seem to get along... perfectly, actually. and while jake and hal butt heads a lot early in, with jake frequently calling him out on his shit or getting frustrated at dirks unavailability, when jake crosses lines and hal levels with him about being hurt, jake actually listens to him and tones it down. they get along way better after that.

The Albums

on the day of a6a2s release, we get our very first album of the act! song of skaia is another solo album, and its... incredibly short, with only three tracks. it has a haunting, interstellar vibe to it, like the vastness and beauty of space, and its pretty good! however, because of how short it is, it really just gets lost in the mass of hs music. i had to go and skim through the songs just so i could remember which ones they were. ; ;

Act 6 Intermission 2

aptly named "penis ouija" on the map, this is the year 1 mark check in on the ship and meteor, wherein jane and john play ghostbusters, and dave and karkat argue about terezi and draw penis ouija. also, spades is robot spades and being nursed back to health by hussie, and ms paint is introduced for the first time. hussie dies by le's hand, and thats when he starts dicking around in the dreambubbles harassing vriska (a reference to a long running joke started on the formspring). this is the act where the dreambubbles start becoming the thing theyll be for the rest of the comic, and while araneas been hinted at before, this is where she really starts interacting with people. its still a pretty short intermission. the colours and mayhem albums are released during this time.

The Characters

haha psyche im gonna talk about aranea later. fuck that.

The Plot

as i mentioned earlier, the intermissions are short updates, or check ins. theyre not super elaborate. still, i feel that this one warrants a little elaboration, just bc its referenced so frequently in fandom.

on the ship, davesprite rarely appears. he actually has such a small role in the whole trip, and hes mostly just referenced in conversation by john and jade. john, as well all recall, doesnt think of davesprite as the "real dave," but jade really does value him a lot, making the argument that both he and dave are similar, but separate people, in the sense that ds isnt just a replaceable copy, but a person she really cares about as his own individual. outside of this vague subject of ds, though, most of the ship checkins are about jade and johns boredom and isolation, and how they struggle to find things to do, even with so many planets at their disposal.

w regards to the meteor, the penis ouija scene is infamous, particularly among dvekat fans. i found the meteor check in interesting largely for 2 reasons: 1) its the first instance we see of karkat acknowledging his blood color openly and without fear, typing in it for convenience, and 2) despite karkats flagrant dismissal of terezis feelings when talking to dave about that godawful fucking chart, dave takes the opposite position, calling him out directly on the fact that he didnt even talk to her before trying to set up this insane fucking thing. the penis ouija is a way to sidetrack karkat from being such a tool. idk, i just thought it was an interesting moment

The Albums

coloUrs and mayhem: universes a & b are the result of a contest hussie hosted wherein she asked for character themed submissions, in an attempt to put together an album with all new artists and draw attention to musical talent within the fandom. it was a pretty cool idea, if naive to just how many fucking submissions theyd end up getting.

universe a is one of my favorite hs albums. its split into three parts, the first with songs themed after the ancestors, the second after the trolls, and the third a few bonus tracks. while there are a small, select handful of songs i cant stand (your universe my beloathed) almost the entire album is just hit after fucking hit. indigo heir and gold pilot are up there on my favorites list, but temporal shenanigans is just so good, its such a perfect fucking aradia song and it goes so hard. most of the tracks fit their respective trolls so well, and ive put this album on in the background a lot over the years.

universe b is formatted similarly, with the first part themed after the beta kids, the second after the alpha, and the third being bonus tracks. i dont like this one as much as universe a. there are way more bonus tracks than themed ones, and i dont have any standout tracks, but overall the songs are still good and it was a good listen.

Act 6 Act 3

now its starting to get real. back to the alpha kids, jane is now exploring her world and what it means to be stuck in a void session (one of my formspring recaps has a screenshot of hussie talking about what that is). brain ghost dirk is introduced as jake reflects on a conversation where dirk explained the history of their guardians and hic's takeover, calliope and caliborn are introduced in full after being teased in previous acts, and the act wraps up with dirks (but really hals) machinations to get everyone in the medium and caliborns victory over calliope. during this time, the albums vol 9, symphony impossible to play, and one year older were released.

The Characters

calliope is sweet, friendly, and beloved by all of the alpha kids, but particularly jane and roxy, who she seems to share the closest bonds with and talks to the most. she restrains herself in conversations in the name of avoiding "spoilers," knowing the future of their session due to roses journal that she maintained towards the end of their adventure (mentioned in a6i2). she believes she will play sburb with caliborn, and gain dominance through convincing him to be a better person, and therefore more like her.

caliborn is a nasty little bastard, hated by all. he likes dirk best, but who can say why. hes weird and perverted and not very bright, and has an obsession with saw-esque "games" with "shitty twists" that are really just him cheating. he wins his competition with calliope in a similar manner, by cheating and killing her dreamself, and then chewing off his own leg, which is later stated to go against how cherubs are supposed to grow up and permanently stunts his growth. ill talk more about that later, im sure.

neither of them have huge roles right now other than foreshadowing.

The Albums

vol 9 is another one of my favorite hs albums. crystalmethequins is one of my favorite hs songs of all time, but other noteable tracks include whistling jackhammer, pumpkin party in sea hitlers water apocalypse (fun fact: cronus makes a spoof of this song later), iRRRRRRRRECONCILA8LE, and of course, moonsetter and noirscape. these are some of the songs i was referencing in my albums 1-4 recaps that build off of early songs that i really love!

symphony impossible to play is a short solo album. its definitely pretty, but its very short and kind of just covers of very classic, constantly remixed homestuck songs, such as homestuck anthem. i didnt come away with much to say about it.

one year older is another solo album by erik scheele, who also did the sburb album i really enjoyed. hes a master of piano and crafts such beautiful stories with his pieces. this album follows johns journey through hs. i honestly loved it, but why the FUCK. is flying car replaced with fly from the mobius album on the unofficial collection. that was such a fucking jumpscare that was one of my least favorite tracks on that album (which i already DIDNT LIKE) and it really fucked up my enjoyment of what is genuinely a great album.

Act 6 Intermission 3

this is the dancestor one. The dancestor one. im going to talk about meenahbound in a different post, but aside from the dancestor thing, this is also the year 2 check up on the meteor and ship. this is where john has his birthday breakdown, and where rose gets drunk and goes on a date with kanaya. this is also when we find out gamzee and terezi have started dating. meanwhile, in the dreambubbles, vriska and tavros have met up post tavrisprite and are working together to amass a ghost army in the name of getting le to blow up a bunch of stuff, so they can discover some treasure that will stop him. tavros wants to propose to her, but i dont think theyre dating. ill probably wait to talk about that in the dancestor post, bc im worried about the word limit. genesis frog is the only album released during this time, and the tumblr is still going strong.

The Plot

johns bday breakdown is infamous. out of fucking nowhere, he flips out about how much he hates one of his most beloved movies, con heir, and ends the whole thing with a tantrum outside, screaming at a watermark of davesprite only he can see with such aggression that it knocks him clean out. reading through the breakdown now, its kind of obvious that its not really about con heir, or davesprite, or anything. its just that hes bored and lonely and feeling particularly frustrated and helpless about it. he lashes out at everything and everyone around him because hes been isolated for two years. its the anniversary of his dads death, and its clear that its just a tipping point for him. davesprites note is honestly like... its in bad taste, but its a pretty harmless, stupid note that seems typical for dave, and i doubt he was thinking about how it was the anniversary of johns dads death, especially given that he wasnt there when it happened, and he has a very different relationship to bro and bros death that also probably colors things. but for john, its kind of the last straw, and he loses it. in fics people tend to make it about davesprite, but it really, really isnt.

roses date with kanaya.... aw, man. its so bad. its clear kanaya doesnt really understand the connotations of rose being drunk, and dave is really, really worried about rose, trying his best to help her as much as he can in the precious few moments before the date starts. but rose and kanaya want to go, and daves not in the business of bossing anybody around ever, so he relents and lets them. rose is as wordy as ever when drunk, and spends a long time rambling her worries about gamzee and terezi. its incredible, she predicts right in that moment exactly how their session winds up doomed and why they should be worried about the relationship, but its clear her drinking prevents her from seeing it clearly or thinking through what to do about it. she then gets distracted, rambling a bunch of suggestive stuff to kanaya, and tops the date off with a spectacularly awkward and terrible drunk kiss, followed immediately by her falling down the stairs. its just... so rough.

The Tumblr

in summary, the tumblr so far has been a combination of what hussie hoped the formspring would be, and the newsposts. mostly, hussie posts updates about the comic, about art other artists contributed (often rbing their blogs or posts), and about the store, with occasional random posts that are vaguely related to homestuck (ie; the dark cage post, or the olive garden saga), and occasional q&a sessions, which consist of a singular post with a mass of answers. unlike with the formspring, most of the qs hussie answers are directly relevant to the comic and expand on lore, characters, or background information to development. the tumblr is... actually worth a read, shockingly. so far, its not terrible. way better than the formsprings, and also updates a lot less and a lot more concisely. this is in keeping with the comic, which is also slowing down on updates around this time (one year passes between the beginning of act 6 and the beginning of a6a4), and is focusing on plot heavy bursts, rather than meaningless bullshit.

The Album

genesis frog is a solo, thematic album, meant to capture the journey of billious slick throughout his life, touching on the prospitians and consorts worship of him, jades work in breeding him, and jacks hand in hurting him. the track art is stunning, and each song was crafted with a lot of thought and effort. the extra art is super cute. i dont think i have an ear for this style of music, and since i had it on in the background, i cant say i picked up on all of the detail that went into the pieces, but im nonetheless impressed, at the very least by the heart involved.

Final Thoughts

how does this feel simultaneously so short and so long so far? its probably the minigames. and the insane amount of albums all posted at one time, right after the other. so little has really happened so far, and yet so many significant, infamous fandom moments have also happened. i think its a side effect of hussie really only focusing on the most relevant things right now, and also a side effect of the fandom probably completely overblowing the meteors importance to the story. i guess its because homestuck slows down so much during the meteor journey, we were all just stuck thinking about it for so goddamn long. myself included! im quickly approaching the part where i started reading homestuck, which is very exciting for me.

on my first read of act 6, i remember instantly loving dirk, probably just bc he was an extension of dave to me (and roxy, for the same reasons). however, in these early acts, jake and hal were definitely my favorites. they have such a fascinating and fun dynamic, and hal is probably the funniest character in these acts to me.

anyway, next up: a post all about meenahbound, and eventually, one day, act four?

update: a6a4-a6i5

[petalsmooth]

And it’s a two way street. 

Jughead loves her.

It’s difficult for him you understand. He didn’t quite understand Tabitha when he met her. When he asked her why she was so kind to him...he isn’t used to being loved like this.

Jughead’s experiences with love have not been healthy. His father probably comes the closest to the purest love he ever had but Skeet’s exit sort of de-evolved their evolution as father and son. As for a time, FP was willing to turn his entire life around to be there for his son. The son who stayed with him. The one who didn’t give up on him when lying in an alcoholic stupor. For a short while Jughead had ONE healthy loving relationship with a flawed man who loved him and (belatedly) put him first by finding gainful employment, drying out, and encouraging his son’s dreams.

Outside of that year...we’re given to understand his relationship with his father is strained again. 

RAS and co. can present this friend group as they please but we all know those “friends” turned their back on him and betrayed him. The woman he planned on sharing a life with betrayed him. His mother betrayed him. His sister? She wanted him in her life but her means of keeping him there was toxic to herself and her family. Outside of Pops, everyone in his life who claims to care about him lies to him. Uses him. Hurts him. Disparages him. Or abandons him. And in Pops case...look. He cares about Jughead and always has but he was NOT family. He owned a diner but the relationship only went so far. Now that he’s dating Tabitha I’m sure it’s evolved but...

Tabitha is different. Not only in his personal experience but just observation to those around him. His relationships aren’t the only ones that have been toxic. Maybe the only non toxic one he ever saw was Fred and Mary and they still broke up because wanted different things. Tabitha’s a completely foreign element to his life and is it any wonder narrator Jughead has anointed her a literal Angel? Compared to his experience with anyone else? She is.

Jughead has a lifetime of trauma and repression. He has learned to guard himself, to put walls up. He is careful with heart because he doesn’t have the ability to hold back. When he loves, he loves unconditionally, unselfishly and if he gives that gift to the wrong person...they have the power to do irrevocable harm. We’ve seen the damage done by Betty and his mother. His father and sister. Archie.

I really don’t believe he ever thought he would love someone again. I definitely don’t think he thought someone would or could love him. If in passing he ever considered the possibility, it probably resembled the distorted negative influences he experienced before. He has nothing to compare Tabitha to and I could see it being frightening and a bit like almost too good to be true. 

Yet he does love Tabi. You can feel it and you can see it. Even without saying it, it’s there. She is the only person he completely and truly trusts. That means a great deal for someone like Jughead who has had his trust betrayed repeatedly. He TRUSTS her to do right by him and by others. To consider their feelings and well being and not just her own. She doesn’t do it for affirmation, or financial gain. She simply wishes to help. Tabi has a servant’s heart and it mirrors his own actually...just without the hard earned cynicism.

I actually think that’s one of the qualities he loves most about her. Her outlook on life. She sees the world for what it is but doesn’t let it break her or change her. She is determined to make life better. In some respects I think he’s awed by her. Perhaps even inspired? I very much think Narrator Jughead isn’t the only one to see her as the living embodiment of an Angel, you saw it in how he looked at her when Pop’s burned down and she admitted not having insurance. His world is brighter when she is in it. He’s happier when she is there, he feels safe with her and loved. He no longer feels alone.

I could go on and on about the two of them and didn’t even delve into the mutual attraction/passion that is there but that is what some in the fandom don’t understand. It’s there, it’s been shown. The breathlessness when kissing, the knowing looks cast at each other as they see their effect and feel a racing heart. The way how they feel has them acting like teenagers giggling, stealing a flower from a restaurant vase or sneaking out of a “date” with her parents. The need for even the most casual of a touch. It’s just their passion is expressed through more than a touch or kiss. It’s in their unshakeable devotion to each other. 

They care for each other. In every encouraging word, in every ear they lend to hear what each have to say. In a simple text asking her to hurry home from a business trip because he needs her and loves her. How he seeks her out when the voices are crashing thunderously in his head. How she collapses in his arms in grief because she learned he is fated to die and she cannot stop it. How she does a very un-Tabitha thing and takes a single selfish action to bring him back to her so she can have a few more days with him. THIS is passion and a pity if anyone is so conditioned to the ephemeral expression of love that they miss the kind of passion that sets a relationship apart from transitory to lasting.

[thetaoofbetty]

Sometimes I wonder if this show would be better if we binged it. We’ve had to wait 6 months for this vm from Jug. I know the pandemic didn’t help but still. You said it from the moment it was mentioned and then glossed over. What did Jughead say in that vm? We find out tomorrow And after months of the fandom blaming Betty for jugs problems, we have people excusing whatever he said because Betty deserves it. If Betty can make a mistake, why can’t Jughead? I cannot wait to hear it, and learn more.

this season would be 100% better binged. mostly because of the painfully exposition heavy front half of the season.

and i am not a fan of the way bingeing shows has basically taken away people's ability to read a narrative or understand nuance since they miss it while scrolling on their phone (and i definitely do this too, so i am judging myself as well) because the scene they're supposed to be watching has become background noise.

(see: the way people will, with almost arrogant confidence, tell you what happened in the 5x08 b/a scene while being wrong and then admit they only saw it once or watched part of it)

oof, people went on the defensive the second they heard it was going to be bad (why on earth did they ever think it was going to be good!?! it had to be bad enough to make betty stop contacting him because she thought that's what he wanted. hence the scene where he asks why she stopped reaching out and she answers him). listen, there's one thing that remains the same in fandom: some people who stan will blame anyone else for mistakes their faves make.

no one said jughead isn't allowed to be hurt or angry and heartbroken over what happened with him and betty. that doesn't absolve him or preclude him from making his own mistakes. and i'm sorry but if we're not catching on that his substance use issues are framed in a negative light, please watch 5a again.

betty is not the sole cause of jughead's problems because jughead makes his own choices. and sober jughead would (will??) probably be horrified at what under the influence jughead said to betty. he's had tangible consequences for his substance use this season so yeah, that seems like it could be part of it. it doesn't seem or sound like he wanted to lose contact with her but she can only go on the information she's given. which is how most miscommunication tropes play out.

personally, i'm side-eyeing the idea that some people think mistakes automatically make someone "the bad guy".

i'm all for some good angst tho, so i'm definitely interested in hearing what was enough to make betty think he didn't want to talk to her. especially since, without context, it's all speculation and interpretation.

[unbelievableholland]

Hi!!! Congrats on 117 followers aahhh you so deserve it! May I please request prompts 16,42, and 45 with Peter Parker or Tom Holland? Thank you so so much - 💕💕

Far From Home

Pairing: Peter Parker x MJ, Peter Parker x Reader

Warnings: Injuries, angst.

Words: 2,290

Summary: During your European trip, you and Peter drift apart.

A/N: I’M SORRY THIS TOOK WAY TOO LONG, and I dunno if this was what you had in mind😅 I went through MAJOR writer’s block, but I powered through it and made this. I got a little carried away, and yeah it might be a 2 or 3 part mini series.

Prompts:

16. “Am I really that bad?”

42. “Making you fall in love with me was never my intention”

45. “I’m fine, really. I always knew he wasn’t the one. I guess you can say he’s just my almost.”

——————————————————————

“Ned! We’re clear on the plan, right?”

You and Ned were talking when Peter interrupted you, bouncing with enthusiasm. Ned looked at you with sorrowful eyes before looking at Peter, masking his previous expression with an emotion almost as enthusiastic as Peter.

“Uh, pshh yeah duh. Don’t be too obvious about it though. You were literally shouting.”

Peter rubs the back of his head with his right hand, looking around to see if anybody heard. He’s giggling nervously and you can’t help but adore him for it, he’s just so cute. Gosh, this boy will be the end of you.

“Okay, okay, I’ll keep it down. Sorry to interrupt you guys. I’ll head to my class. See you later!” After he did his handshake with Ned, he left to go to his class since he doesn’t have Biology with you and Ned.

Ned looks back at you. You both didn’t miss the fact that Peter barely paid attention to you before he left. You understand it though, he’s excited for his plan to get MJ. He’s giddy.

“Ned, stop it. I don’t like it when you pity me.”

“Yeah, but I can’t help it. Probably all of Midtown expected the two of you to get together. Hell— I thought you’d end up together! I was really rooting for it.”

You see, Peter and you used to be inseparable. You had nicknames for each other, he used to put his arm around you and around your waist all the time. He even used to kiss your cheek from time to time. Used to.

Those didn’t happen anymore though. He used to flirt— apparently unintentional though— with you all the time. Everyone thought so, but again, those don’t happen anymore. Especially with MJ in the picture.

You just accepted it. Even if you’ve been practically in love with Peter since freshman year.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, really. I always knew he wasn’t the one. I guess you can just say he’s my almost.”

“Almost?”

“Yeah. Almost. I know that we weren’t ever together, but you know” You shrug it off, wiping your eyes before the tears could fall.

You couldn’t explain it properly, but yeah. You know there was something between you and Peter, but maybe there wasn’t? Maybe there almost was?

Damn mixed signals.

Ned just shakes his head and sits back in his chair as the teacher enters the classroom to begin the lecture.

When they told you you’d be going to have a European trip, you didn’t want to go. As much as you want to explore the rich culture and art of Europe, you’d rather stay home. Just because of Peter’s plan. You know he’d never stop talking about it.

But when Peter begged you to come, begged you to join him and Ned on the trip. How could you say no?

It’s not like you have anything against Michelle. You actually think she’s a cool girl. Smart as well.

She’s not like Peter, and that’s what makes them good together. Opposites attract. Right?

On the day of the trip, you’re pretty early, so you got first in line to enter the plane. Mostly because you’re trying to avoid Peter though.

On the plane, you picked a random seat around the middle and picked the one beside the window so you could look outside. You’ve never been on a plane before, so you’re pretty anxious, but you still want to see the view outside.

Your plan on avoiding Peter has worked pretty well so far. You half expected him and Ned to find you, and you expected at least Ned to be the one to sit next to you.

Instead, when you feel someone shuffling beside you, it’s not either of them.

It’s Flash.

He sees you, and instead of leaving or saying something rude to make fun of you, he smiles. A genuine, happy-to-see-you smile.

The happy vibes radiating off of him influenced your mood, so you smiled back as he moved to sit on the seat next to you. You didn’t say anything though and you turn your head to the window once again.

It weirds you out a bit that Flash just smiled at you instead of being rude. Of course, he had never been mean to you. Only Peter, and that in and of itself resulted in you not wanting to talk to him.

Maybe he wasn’t who you thought he was.

You shake the thoughts out of your head because he’s bullied Peter enough. He doesn’t seem nice. Not to you at least.

But, you’re open minded to the thought of befriending him. At least during the trip. You don’t want to be alone and you don’t want to have bad blood with him if he’s going to be sitting next to you.

Since the moment you’ve been in your head though, you have been unconsciously staring at Peter that has been in his seat for about 5 minutes now.

“You know, if you really like Parker that much, you should tell him”

You flinch when Flash leans a little closer to you and whispers. You heart beat calming down after a few seconds.

“I don’t— what are you talk— ok, fine. I do like him, but he doesn’t like me. End of story.”

“He did. If it wasn’t obvious enough, he did. Now, he likes MJ. What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing, and, you never got confirmation that he liked me so…”

“Okay then, if you’re not going to do anything, who are you going to be with for the trip? It looks like you’ve been avoiding him judging from the fact that you chose to sit alone, and Ned looks like he’s getting along fine with Betty over there.” He snickers, as he points to Ned and Betty next to each other, giggling like children in a candy store.

Peter on the other hand, ended up next to Mr. Harrington due to his failed attempts at trying to get seated next to MJ.

“I dunno. I’ll probably spend it alone. It’s not like I have any other friends.”

“Hmm, well, I guess I can make an exception”

“What?”

“You can hang with me for the duration of the trip”

Your eyes widen and your back straightens in shock. Did— did Flash just offer to hang out with you? It might be a bit weird, but you like the idea. You like the idea of enjoying the trip with someone else, at least.

“I… I’d like that, actually.”

“Then it’s a deal.”

He smiles once again at you and leans back on his chair, putting on his headphones and closing his eyes to try and get some sleep.

Once you arrive in Venice, you pick up your bags and of course, follow Flash. Peter and Ned on the other hand, stared in shock when you went passed them to go to Flash in front of the boat for the canals.

You’re talking and laughing with him. They didn’t ever think you’d be friends with Flash. Ever. You always talked about how he annoyed you, how he was such a prick.

Peter steps forward, moving to keep you away from Flash in fear that he might do something to prank you or hurt you, but before he could, Ned stopped him.

“Peter, come on. She looks like she’s having fun. Let her have fun.”

“But it’s Flash! You know we can’t trust him!”

Peter whisper shouted. He always felt protective of you. He always did, and will continue to be.

“Yes, I don’t trust him, but I trust Y/N, and I know you do too. She’s not yours Pete. You have to let her live her life”

With a huff, Peter finds a seat on the boat and watches you interact with Flash, unintentionally sending a death glare at the two of you.

This went on for the rest of the trip. Even when Peter’s fighting the water monster, he takes a second to spare a glance at you to see if you’re ok. For some reason, he felt…something when he saw Flash next to you with his hand holding yours while both of you are running away.

He forgets about it though. Especially when Nick Fury and Mysterio came along.

When you made it to Prague, you actually thought back about the things that have happened, and it’s crazy.

First, you actually enjoyed your time with Flash. Second, everything that involved Mysterio and your trip. You know something’s up, and you want to find out what it is.

So, the night Mr. Harrington forced you to watch the opera, you snuck out. Knowing full well that Peter snuck out as well.

Things get even crazier. You see Peter, in an all-black suit, but you only realized that it was him when you saw the web.

That’s definitely Peter.

You had gone to the ferris wheel since you saw Ned and Betty there, but before you could even go near it, a lava monster appears. While you know there most likely is a name for these things, you’re too busy trying to run away to think about it.

Running to the opposite direction, you bump into someone, both of you falling down in the process. You quickly apologize without looking at him and continue to run.

Although, you definitely should have looked at him, because during the fall, he quickly attached a tracking device on the bottom of your shoe. Tiny enough that it wouldn’t be recognizable.

Out of breath, you stop in a random alley where you see Peter. Your breath hitching when you notice that he had noticed you too.

“Uh…hey Y/N! I-uh,I can explain I—”

“Cut the crap I know you’re Spider-Man.”

“What! What are you—”

“Pete”

With a sigh, he was about to speak, until he noticed something on your arm.

“Y/N! Your bleeding!”

“What? No I'm—”

You look down on your arm where he had his eyes on, and yes, you are in fact, bleeding. You just assume that it’s from the debris earlier that was flying everywhere.

Peter is examining your arm like a mad man though. When you notice that he’s holding you, you yank your arm away from him.

“Peter I’m fine.”

“No you’re not! Why won’t you let me help you??”

He’s still trying to get your arm to see if it’s still bleeding—which it is— but you keep backing away from him.

“Y/N, let me help.”

“No.”

“Why?! Why are you backing away? You know what, why are you even avoiding me? And why Flash?” Yes, the question seems random, but he has to ask. He’s been thinking about it since the first day of the trip.

You don’t answer, the floor suddenly being a source of interest.

“Why!?! Why Y/N!? Why d—”

“Because I love you! I’ve loved you for a really long time but you never even liked me back. I didn’t mean to avoid you, we just grew apart when you suddenly kept hanging out with Michelle, and-and Flash? He’s actually a really really nice guy. To me, at least. A-and I know it’s my fault I fell for you b-but there was something, right? I mean, you kissed me on the cheek, you wrapped your arms around my waist and everything! Everyone thought we were together!”

Out of breath, your chest heaving and you have tears in your eyes threatening to fall. You look like a mess, but Peter could care less what you look right now. He didn’t known you thought that way and he feels horrible that he had done this to you.

“I’m sorry—”

“I-I don’t need your sympathy Peter. I get enough of that from Ned.

“Ned knows?”

“Yeah.”

“I love you too, Y/N b—”

“but not in the way I love you. Yeah, I know.”

“Making you fall in love with me was never my intention.”

Peter didn’t know what else to say except that he’s sorry. He feels a little betrayed by Ned that he didn’t tell him, but he understands. Ned’s you friend as well, and he isn’t obligated to tell Peter everything.

You begin to walk away slowly, trying to get out of the situation to go wallow in your own sadness, but not before turning around to face in one more time.

“I have a question. You don’t need to answer, but it’s really been bothering me ever since MJ.”

He looks at you expectantly. Hoping that you’d stay a little bit more.

“Am I really that bad?”

Peter’s a bit taken aback by your question. How could you even think that? To Peter, you’re perfect.

“What— No! How could you think that??”

“Because you chose her.”

He has to admit, there was something between the both of you. He wouldn’t have been acting so intimate with you if there wasn’t.

“There- there was something between us. I didn’t know what is was and I still don’t. I have to admit that, but I guess MJ… Y/N, your perfect. You are, but—”

“But not as perfect as her”

“I didn’t say that—”

“You didn’t have to”

“Will you just let me finish!”

Just then, your phone rings. You check your phone, and you have about 28 texts and 5 missed calls from Flash and 15 missed calls and 35 texts from Ned. You assume they’re looking for you.

Saved by the bell, you think.

“I-I have to go. They’re probably looking for me.”

Before Peter could even speak, you run away to the direction of the hotel. Clutching your arm to help stop the bleeding.

Still, oblivious to the small device under your shoe.

——————————————————————

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@spideylovin @used-avocado @why-am-i-so-obsessed-help @annoylinglyaries @autobotgirl15-blog @shootingstarsaretearsofheaven @tiffy119 @eridanuswave @cherrysruin

[ojcobsessed]

Oliver Jackson-Cohen, on Bly Manor and Other Things That Haunt Him

by Diana Colcer for Cosmopolitan Romania, 24 October 2020

Energetic, suave, and anchored in the reality of the problems around us, Oliver Jackson-Cohen is part of a generation of actors looking for something else, something that will remain imprinted in the collective memory. I talked about this with the actor you know from The Haunting - by the way, the latest season, The Haunting of Bly Manor, now on Netflix, is the ideal choice for a scary night, if you want to spend Halloween at home this year. Let's see what Oliver Jackson-Cohen has to say about Bly Manor and other things that haunt him.

"Why choose a role that's safe when you can take risks?" This is the question that came to my mind as I was documenting the interview with Oliver Jackson-Cohen. Because that's what I was gathering from the things we know about him. You first saw Oliver as Luke in The Haunting of Hill House - and now, just in time for Halloween, you can see him again alongside Victoria Pedretti in the even scarier second season, The Haunting of Bly Manor. In this adaptation of the short ghost story The Turn of the Screw by Henry James, Oliver Jackson-Cohen plays the charming and manipulative Peter Quint, a character who hides many scary secrets and… I won't give away more!

So you understand what I'm talking about: Oliver is used to playing characters haunted both by their own inner conflicts (PTSD due to childhood traumas, drug addiction, etc.) and, well, ghosts. And the answer to the question at the beginning of the text, which I did not ask out loud, was given to me while I was talking to him. Born in London, Oliver, the son of fashion designer Betty Jackson, has dedicated his entire career to a different philosophy of acting, starting from the premise that fear makes you grow, develop and get out of your comfort zone.

And that's exactly how most of his roles are. After the BBC drama Larkrise to Candleford, he starred in the Emmy Award-nominated mini-series World Without End, then in shows such as Dracula and Man in an Orange Shirt. In real life, when he "strips off" his characters, Oliver is a guy oozing charisma and sex appeal: he’s 1.91m tall and has a pair of blue eyes in which you can get really lost, an extremely attractive and a style of being (and, let’s face it, dressing) extremely cool. 

So, he’s one to watch, and, as such, we invite you to read the interview he gave us exclusively for Cosmopolitan Romania, after which we found out spectacular details about the unseen parts of horror, fashion, lifestyle and what Oliver Jackson-Cohen has something to say about Bly Manor and other things that haunt him.

What made you determined, at only 6 years old, to become an actor? Simple! I saw Home Alone at the movies and suddenly I wanted to be Kevin McAllister. I just couldn't believe a child was appearing in a movie. I remember my father explaining to me that he was an actor and then I said to myself, "Well, I'll do all that, too."

Many people who discover their dream at such a young age change their minds later. How did you stay in acting?

Looking back, it was probably a stupid thought [process]. But I became fascinated by how you can disappear into another world and how you can become whoever you want. I still think that these things are what kept up my passion for acting. I love the whole process behind this job and the way you translate into reality something that is not, in fact, real. It's also been about luck, I admit - that people pay me to do that, and that's how I make a living.

You appeared in the first season of The Haunting of Hill House as Luke Crain. I was impressed with how you managed to get Luke away from the typical drug addict stereotype. How did you avoid this cliché? I have seen many portrayals of drug addicts over the years and I wanted to show what the person behind the addiction is like, the one who is not defined by this addiction. I think that's an extremely important thing. All over the world, people are struggling with drug addiction and, most of the time, they are excluded and marginalised because of this, but also because they are seen only in this way, as addicts. I didn't intend to do this with Luke. I felt that it was essential for the public to see the man in him, to see that he is someone who is really shaken inside, someone who has lost control of what is happening to him, but who is always trying to control his addiction. 

As a society, we usually condemn or shun such people. We need more empathy in these cases, and these people need to receive the attention shown primarily to them, not to the addiction they suffer from.

When your work is so rigorous, so emotional, I imagine it consumes you a lot to play a character who has struggled with addictions all his life. How do you detach yourself from this intensity? I can't tell you exactly. I don't think you can, to be honest. For the series The Haunting… the filming was long and stressful for all the actors, but also for the crew. I think you have to gradually detach yourself from the story, as much as you can, when you get home, but at the same time, you have to stay in the character's shoes, because the next day you return to the set for a new round of filming. It was a demanding experience, but it was worth it.

Is there anything you wish you’d known before you started working a horror TV show? Or about a series with an intense family drama? Know that it's not that scary when you're filming. Not at all. I started working from the pre-production phase and I knew it was going to be a ghost series… and, initially, I had the impression that there was always “someone” in my Atlanta apartment. But from the moment you get on set, you realise that the series about ghosts is just another job. The coolest thing when you are part of a horror series is when you realise, in the end, that you can watch it [later] without any problems, because all the tension and panic are built up in the editing process.

I know you're a big fan of the horror genre in general. Is it an area you want to explore further? I think so. But I wouldn't say that I intended, from the beginning, specifically, to explore any certain genre. Everything is, in fact, in the characters. Always. If it's an interesting role, I definitely want it. But what I find incredible about this genre is that the dose of horror is often a metaphor for other elements of our lives. But when horror is done properly, it can affect us incredibly, which is true.

You're back to haunt us again in the second season of the Netflix anthology series, this time called The Haunting of Bly Manor. What can you tell me about the new character you play? I'm afraid I don't want to reveal too much and I'd rather you watch the show and form your own impression. All I can say is that the new series, Bly Manor, is completely different from the first, which I like. My current character, a young man named Peter, is the polar opposite of Luke, so for me, as an actor, he was wonderful. Ah, also don’t even try to watch this season at night, alone at home, because the plot is really creepy!

About The Invisible Man, another classic monster comeback, in which you play alongside Elisabeth Moss (The Handmaid's Tale), what can you tell me? The film debates the notion of ownership of a person (editor’s note: Jackson-Cohen's character is a sociopath obsessed with control, and we don't know if he terrorises his ex-girlfriend as a ghost or if he actually staged his death). I look forward to seeing how this film will be received by the public, because Leigh Whannell is an incredible screenwriter and director. He wrote a fresh story, which I find brilliant, which follows the Invisible Man in the context of connections with other characters, but also with real people. It's a very clever movie.

How would you best describe yourself using the title of a movie?

Hm… The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, the classic directed by Sergio Leone in 1966.

Are you into fashion? Yes, I really am. I was raised by my parents who worked in the fashion industry, which influenced me quite a lot over the years.

Do you wear high-fashion pieces in everyday life? Why not?!

Your mother is the designer Betty Jackson. Has he ever given you advice on clothing style?

I don't know if she gave me style advice in the true sense of the word, but it's great to talk to her about style and clothes. Her belief has always been one like "Wear something that makes you feel good,” so I adopted this perspective as well. She is an incredible woman, with a good eye for fashion, so she often helps me.

You divide your life between London and Los Angeles. How do men groom themselves in the two cities? Have you noticed different approaches?

Probably. LA is a more eccentric place in terms of style and fashion, with more pressure to that end, at least from what I've noticed. In Los Angeles, it's more important to look good physically. In London, on the other hand, it seems more important to combine clothes and accessories in a cool and smart way.

How do you stay in shape?

I honestly don’t care. I only exercise when I have to, and when I don't have to, I eat everything I can. I go to the gym if I notice that my weight is getting out of control.

What do you like to do in your free time?

To be the laziest person. Seriously. I would love to count all the hours I’ve spent sleeping or lazing around!

[thenightling]

Why I do NOT think Over The Garden Wall’s ending is secretly sad

Recently I came across a comment from someone who believes Over The Garden Wall actually has a sad ending and Greg and Wirt and doomed, that the ending is false because of the lyric “Loveliest ...lies of all.”   I have to admit I was initially worried about this being potentially true too.  But then I remembered a few things that reassured me. A few things made me certain the end is not false.

1.  The phrase “Loveliest... lies of all”:  At first this worried me too that the frog was giving a wink-wink / nudge-nudge that this wasn’t really how it ended but how the boys would have wanted it to end but then I realized something.  He actually sings "Loveliest lies of all" at the start of the first episode too.   So if the end is a lie so is the whole thing.  So this makes the concern moot, doesn’t it?

2.  “What is a story but a lie?”:  Some people call fictional stories "lies" and The Unknown is a land of stories. A similar reasoning is how Marvel evolved Loki from God of lies to God of Stories in the comics.   

3.  The Over The Garden Wall comics are supposed to be canon:  The Over The Garden Wall comics (from the same writer) indicate all the stories ended the way the afterward claimed.  

4.   The end scene is supposed to show how the boys touched the lives of those in The Unknown:  We have been told that the ending is supposed to show how the boys impacted the lives of those in The Unknown.  Why do that if only that one part is a lie? 

5.  It was all real on some level:  The Bell still being in the frog’s stomach indicate that the adventure was at least partly true.

6. The opening and closing bookends:  There are things tied together that the boys would not have known in order to imagine the happy endings for the lives they touched.  For example, the fact that the gristmill (now mostly repaired) was owned by Beatrice’s family and the dog from the first episode was hers.  The boys didn’t know Beatrice had a dog.  The boys also didn’t know what the woodsman’s daughter looked like. We only saw her in the preview segment of the first episode.  And Lorna’s ending was the most probable since Auntie Whispers turned out to be a fairly nice person (even if she didn’t think of the obvious way to get rid of the spirit).   There’s a preview (in the opening segment of the first episode) that ties directly to the ending and the boys wouldn’t have been aware of either.

7.  A sad conclusion doesn’t match the rest of the mini-series:  All of Greg and Wirt's adventures ended mostly happily already (”O Potatoes and Molasses: The school is saved via fund raiser and the gorilla was Jimmy Brown all along,” the frog choosing his human companions over fame and fortune, the Potsfield folk just letting them go after their two friends were dug up, Adalade defeated, Lorna de-possessed and deciding Auntie Whispers is her family after all for loving her and looking after her through the ordeal, And the crazy old tea seller (who might actually be the ghost) finding love with his business competitor.  So there's no real reason the ending should be false considering how far fetched the previously established stories played out. 

8.  Purgatory isn’t a bad place by its original definition:  Yes, I’m aware that there’s a high chance the boys are in purgatory, or some place between realms.   There’s also a chance they are in The Dreaming (realm of dreams and stories) or a combo of the two.   But purgatory is not necessarily a bad place and you sometimes CAN return to the land of the living from purgatory.  It’s not like the Dante’s Inferno video game or Divine Comedy (which is Bible fan fiction, by the way).  Even if Dante’s Divine Comedy did influence Over The Garden Wall so did Goethe’s Faust  (part 2 of which had a sweet ending) and a bunch of other classic stories.  And purgatory is supposed to be a place between here and it is indicated that it is where forgotten stories (folktales / faery tales) must play out.  And most of those were designed to have happy endings.  

9.  The references and homages don’t fit a bleak ending:  Yes, some old Grimm Faery tales have very dark endings but the raw blue print for Over The Garden Wall comes from American folktales, vintage New England post cards, and 1920s to 1940 cartoons, which usually were whimsical and had happy outcomes.   You can see the likes of Betty Boop, The Wizard of Oz, and even Shirley Temple’s Animal Crackers in my Soup in loving homage.  

10. Tome of the Unknown: They were helping forgotten stories reach their conclusion.  That’s why the original working title was “Tome of the Unknown.” (Which Lorna is reading in her final scene, by the way.)   The fact that Lorna is reading the Tome of the Unknown (the book of stories the Unknown characters are supposed to be from) suggests that the boys actually helped these characters play out their stories like faery tale characters in an Enchanted Forest.

11.  A sad ending doesn’t really match the established tone. They were mostly sweet forgotten stories and folktales too from the looks of it.  If Beatrice was turned into a bird by a bird for throwing a rock why is it so hard for us to accept a witch’s scissors could turn her back?  I was worried the scissors would actually mutilate her too but I think we’re just too used to that sort of thing today.  Older stories were not so cynical which brings me to point 11.         

12.  Projecting cynicism and dark expectations: I saw similar projected darkness with some people watching The Shape of Water and thinking the end was wishful thinking even though we had already seen “The Asset” use healing powers.   And Guillermo del Toro said it has a happy ending.  The Rugrats aren’t dead and Angelica is not just imagining them either.  Sometimes things actually just are wholesome.  They don’t need to be edgy.  

13.  I’m aware of what was considered early in the production:  Just because an author considered making something darker than what was made doesn’t mean the finished product is darker too.  People also like to bring up that in the “original“ Peter Pan the boy was a villain and did awful things but that is not the version that became a beloved play and children’s book.   That was essentially a prototype version that no one cared for.   

14.  Sequel?: Though it’s not likely the show’s creator (Patrick McHale) will do it, there were sequel considerations for Over The Garden Wall, which would require those stories to have ended the way we saw them. 

15. “If Dreams can’t come true then why not pretend?”  I’ve heard this lyric used to try to claim the ending is false but one could argue that all of the stories the boys encounter in Over The Garden Wall are dreams.  And what is the sure way to make a dream become real?  “Fake it until you make it.” In other words... Pretend.  So the boys may have turned those stories (including their endings) real.  Pretending and belief.  Believing something strongly enough that is how you make an ideal real.  

To quote Death in the novel Hogfather by Terry Pratchett.:  “ THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET”—Death waved a hand. “AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.” "Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point—" MY POINT EXACTLY.”   He goes on to say people need to believe in these things in order for them to “Become.”   

This is how you make concepts real, through pretending and creating belief in the idea.

So in a sense what he’s really saying here can be seen as “Make it real.”

[arsenicpanda]

So I saw your anon ask on Betty maybe being more likely show traits of a standard male serial killer since she was groomed as one - and I did a quick Google on nature vs. nurture- and reading this *one article from psychiatry advisor *that is backed up by 8 studies/articles etc. I now come bearing *Thoughts*

So preceding this - I had the assumption that it was more genetic that dictated serial killer tendencies in murdering etc. - “Reviews of more than 100 twin and adoption analyses showed that approximately 50% of variance in antisocial behavior is attributable to genetic influences” So I’d say I was probably incorrect on that one- *thinking cause the other 50% who are not genetically predisposed most likely do not get their tendencies from their genes*

BUT! “Personal traumas can affect behavioral choices.” - “The connection between genetics, social environment, and criminal behavior appears to be a reality, although in varying degrees across criminals.” So! Nurture seems to be the bigger influencer on serial killer tendencies

- but! That doesn’t mean that Betty becomes a copy of Hal / BH just because he “tutored” her.

Actually as the article goes on to explain- this is actually about the type of abuse the serial killer endures.

So! Betty endured mainly psychological abuse, both trough out her childhood and uhm.. riverdale - id say. Psychological abuse in serial killers childhood leaves us with the tendencies of: rape/lust, financial gain typologies, and tendency to involve torture.

For comparison im gonna go ahead and guess/ assume that Hal endured physical abuse. Leaving us with tendencies of: rape/lust typology, behaviors of carrying out the act quickly, binding the body, and leaving the body at the crime scene.

And as you said I’d also argue that Betty would involve a lot more preplanning, to both layout a method of murder and as to not get caught- I’m not really getting the sense of Hal being much of a planner - at least not a very through, meticulous nor good one. He did a pretty simple lose plan basically: kill sinners - and uh yeah I think that was it?

And also with potentially jughead at her side, we’d definitely have a very planned out approach.

I also really like your idea of Betty being afraid of her violent side and so averting violent methods of killing, and if assuming this we’d be looking at basically a polar opposite of Hal.

All in all actually well summed up as FBI profiler Jim Clemente once said, “Genetics loads the gun, their personality and psychology aim it, and their experiences pull the trigger.”

Oh, that’s all very interesting!  It’s hard to say if/how Hal groomed Betty for serial-killer-ness outside of that one flashback or Hal’s backstory outside of that creepy indoctrination his mother put him through that we see on tape in 2x22, but your speculation is definitely possible.  I will say, Betty seems to have been raised to be “perfect” and not express her anger, which has given her rage issues (we see this in her self-harm that she does every time she gets mad and tries to hold it in), and Betty is very uncomfortable with any time she lets that rage out in an uncontrolled, physical way.  She’s 100% fine with letting it out in a calculated, controlled, and generally verbal and psychological way (see: Betty v Donna, like every time).  And I feel Betty would take that second approach with any serial killing she does, and lord knows Betty and Jughead tend to plan things out as a unit more than run in without any plan at all (although sometimes their plans aren’t exactly robust), so they would definitely be meticulous about the whole thing, excepting perhaps the first time, which might have been messy.  Also, I will say the torture line is interesting there when you take into account the whole tying Chic up in a basement and basically torturing him for information bit.

But yes, that’s some great info!  And just makes me want “serial killer for Justice” duo bughead more.

[bisluthq]

The explanation for august works really well with kaylor, but, as someone who never thought they dated, when I first watched the lpss I just thought “that seems personal to her, I wonder if maybe she fell in love with someone who was in a committed relationship and then he/she acted like nothing happened”. My mind didn’t immediately go to kaylor (even though I’ve been well aware of the theories since 2014). It could really be anyone, we know perhaps 5% of what goes on in her life.

The most interesting thing to me about the love triangle is that she seems to really empathize with all the characters. She’s obviously very close to the Betty (and since she’s someone who’s been cheated on more than once, as far as we know, that’s understandable). But she’s also very understanding towards “Augustine” (by saying that she just wanted to be loved, it wasn’t her fault) and even towards James (by saying that he was a fool, that he’s learning how to say sorry, and that he even gets the girl back, in the end). That (besides showing maturity) is also “proof” of the fact that she probably found herself in Augustine’s and James’s shoes, at some point, and that seeing the “cheating” story from their perspective gave her the maturity necessary to say that sometimes it’s no one’s fault or that, rather, even if it’s your fault, you can ask for forgiveness and still find a way to move forward. Nobody’s perfect.

Another interesting thing is that we know that she wrote cardigan and august before betty, and we know that the original lyrics of cardigan and the lyrics of august have pretty much nothing in common, while betty relates to both of them. That is why I think that both cardigan and august are at least partially autobiographical (I hear a little bit of Swiftwyn in both of them, but I also think that there’s SO MUCH more from things that happened to her that we know nothing about), but that she then reworked them a bit to fit the love triangle. Betty, on the other hand, was written from the very beginning (at least after Joe’s initial random chorus) to fit the narrative built in the other two tracks, and that’s why there are so many references to august (getting in the car, summer...) and to cardigan (dancing under a streetlight, wearing a cardigan...) (but there are also some personal influences in betty, imo)

I agree when this. Also re August muse - Calvin went back to Aarika pretty quickly after they ended, they had a lot of summer lovin’ in 2015 and while that’s not the exact narrative of the song it could be well this idea that he’s not “hers” to keep in a fictionalized setting. Also yeah Taylor has definitely been the James as well. I agree that she relates to all three characters and that’s the beauty of the songs.

[rcguna-archived]

“ Raguuuunaaaaa~. ” Rem had been gone for most of the day, after forewarning him that she would have to be preparing for a very important meeting with some very important politicians on this very important day, but she had also informed him that when she comes back that night, she’ll have a gift ready for him.

Little did Raguna know, it was all a plot from the very start. If the strange absence of Betty was anything to go by (or maybe he assumed she had to be present as well?), Rem wasn’t just preparing for an important meeting. No no. That was all a ruse; a little white lie to save face for what she had in mind…!

And what she did have in mind was a gift so grand, so heartwarmingly filling that the mere mention of it would warm any icy heart! But to really make it meaningful, Rem had to employ the help of another member of her new, immediate family; Betty.

Having Betty help with baking a cake would have once been pretty difficult. Were it not for the various occasions Betty had spent with both Rem and Raguna practicing baking, she likely would not have been at all prepared for this day. However, Rem was fully ready to show her the ropes, and placed a bet that Betty could help her to make the best birthday cake Raguna’s ever seen in  his life! But what would it be…?

Betty had joked about it being a dirt cake, but little did she know that that idea alone had influenced a growing idea in the back of Rem’s mind; a literal black forest cake! the inside would remain the same as such a thing, but the exterior would be artistically created using Rem’s fine skills with all the baking tools and goods at her disposal!

Thus, the two got to work. The past few days had consisted of Rem taking small-ish breaks from the farmhouse to gather supplies as discreetly as she could, and today marked the day where the cake would be created. And the result…?

Rem’s voice had called out to him so that he could open the front door to his lovely, isolated home. Perhaps he was taking a bit too long, and a smaller voice almost immediately followed. “ Hurry up, I suppose! This is heavy..! ” A little fairy girl who he’d grown quite fond of, sounding bothered by something. When that door opens…

The surprise is revealed! In both of their hands, Rem and Betty hold a platter housing a rather large, circular-shaped cake, styled in a fashion with frosting and edible fake props that help the cake to resemble a growing, beautiful forest, with a field of flowers Rem had basically spent all day getting just right with the tools she had on hand! The edible flowers created a garden that looked vaguely similar to the one in which their favorite bench is parked next to. It becomes evident, then, that the cake itself is meant to be an artistic recreation of their new home, and a special candle that is molded almost perfectly to fit the image of Raguna, with a thumbs-up and a wicker in the middle of the thumb, lit aflame by a quick flash of fire magic that Betty incants the moment the door is fully opened.

“ Happy birthdayyyy~!”

“ Happy birthday, I suppose…! ”

------------------------------ @onlyhorn​

Raguna hardly even thinks about his birthday. Given the fact he has amnesia, it very likely wasn’t even his actual birthday! Just the day that was given to him to use as such many years ago when he first showed up in Kardia. His birthday, his name, his taken occupation. All of these things were given to him like gifts of their own by an oddball of a young woman. They’re celebrated if remembered. And sometimes he’ll have people wave him down when he travels into town, but otherwise he’s perfectly content to let it pass without any fanfare.

For him, the coming of Spring means the coming of the next season of planting and the farewell to the frost. This meant that the farmer was busy. Clearing brush. Tending to the soil. Ensuring he had the right amount of seeds for the fields he was going to have prepared for that first warm week. That was the excitement, and something very clearly conveyed to Rem and Beatrice. He never even mentioned his birthday once, which of course didn’t keep Rem from finding out about it. She wouldn’t have had much trouble learning about it from other townsfolk after all.

Raguna would thus be none the wiser to her disappearance along with Betty’s. While he may have appreciated assistance now and then in the fields, this was nothing he wasn’t used to doing on his own. They had their duties and he had his. What was important was that they continued to support one another.

The day that his birthday at last rolled around was probably the busiest yet. Intentional? Certainly not. But he does decide that he’s done about the best he can do without hurting himself. If there was one thing he didn’t want to do it was come back inside and look as if he had overworked himself. Dirty, slouchy, weary... Rem didn’t like it. And he didn’t like making her worry about him. So with the setting of the sun does the farmer wash himself off at the spigot and put away the tools. A little bit of a stretch before opening the door at his fiancee’s beck--....???

“ Happy birthdayyyy~!”

“ Happy birthday, I suppose…! ”

“........” Stunned speechless? Well, yes. That and genuine surprise. There’s a decent helping of oh right it was my birthday... mixed in those features as well. Realization comes at him quickly as he looks between his contracted spirit, no, his adopted daughter, and then his wonderful radiant fiancee. Even with how beautiful that cake looked, her pride in it shone even brighter without a hint of exaggeration.

He’s certainly not biased.

“Wait, you guys... you... did you two bake this cake together? For me?” Hard to see it any other way. With how confident and smug (in the case of Beatrice) the pair looked that was definitely how things were looking in this home. His heart warms and any fatigue he had felt washes away with their voices as they begin to sing a short song together. He’s blushing, he’s sure of it, but is still able to blow out the rather unique looking candle once it’s all said and done.

The cake is gorgeous. All the small nuances of their shared home evident in its design almost down to the array of flowers themselves.

“Thank you... I love you both so much. This is really really special. I wish we didn’t have to cut into it, it’s like taking apart a painting or a book, haha. What a piece of art...” His musing is interrupted by a rumbling gurgle from his insides. Even if he was trying to flatter them, other parts of his body were suddenly feeling very impatient to do otherwise.

“....er, shall we get the knife?”

[catflowerqueen]

How Life on Earth C Should Be

In a more integrated “Earth C,” I can see human and troll traditions and cultures melding more, such as when it comes to traditions like weddings. While there didn’t seem to be any “official” way of registering quadrants on Alternia—at least, none that I can remember—I can see something like that happening on the new planet with more of an organized society with a mingling of cultures and societal expectations. It’s also likely that a new society (and a more peacefully functioning one than we seemed to get in Meat or Candy—especially considering how Candy seems to be shaping up) would still be more heavily skewed towards being more like beta-Earth, considering that Jade is the one who ultimately made the frog, and anything she might have slipped in from the trolls would still have been heavily filtered since she never actually met any of them in person until after the frog was actually made.

While the Trolls would have definitely been an important influence, most of it would have been heavily watered down just from the fact that the newest  frog is kind of the grandchild of their universe’s particular frog—and for all that Bilious Slick is the parent of the current frog, it isn’t like offspring are going to be exact clones of their parents, even factoring in the weird way that genesis frogs are made. Even if you take out the fact that Bilious Slick had cancerous cells and the like, I’m pretty sure that genetic mutations in general are still common—especially among genesis frogs—even if they aren’t really “extreme.” And even factoring all that out—the number of surviving human players outnumbers the trolls (and sole cherub), and, barring Spades Slick, the carapacians and consorts who were left to raise the first few generations of both humans and trolls until they could stand on their own came from human sessions. So, that means that in addition to their own Carapacian cultures, what they know and can pass down is going to be skewed more heavily towards the human side of things.

And that’s not even mentioning that, by its very nature, a more integrated society in a brand-new universe would have its own history. Although even that one would still be more skewed towards the human side of things considering that they are still technically on planet Earth—meaning that things like fossils and artifacts from human civilization would still be around to find (like all those Statues of Liberty from the credits/snapchats) and would prompt a lot of speculation and historical/archaeological discussions of what life was like in the past—meaning that even if the Carapacians weren’t around to set some things straight, any speculation on what an integrated troll/human society of the past was like would still be heavily flavored by what ancient humans (both those by our standards and what our modern-day remnants would look like to them) left behind—humans whose only interactions with trolls would have been through the machinations of Betty Crocker/the Condesce.

Also, from a purely writing perspective… it’s a lot easier to write what you know about your own culture than someone else’s, especially when the author didn’t go too in-depth on the daily lives of the average troll, and when one hasn’t gotten the chance to see a lot of the non-comic content (like any of the games outside of the first part of Hiveswap or the bonus content coming out on Patreon—which is still about Earth C anyways, and the whole point is that a more integrated culture would NOT be like Earth C).

 With that in mind… Weddings:

I think that the idea of quadrants would end up being a lot more widespread, since that seems at least partially like a biological imperative for trolls? At least, if the extreme pacification of Gamzee via the shoosh-pap thing is anything to go by, since Gamzee was absolutely out of his mind at that point. So those would still be around, and I think that humans would also participate in that too. At least to some extent—I’m not entirely sure how hard-wired things like blackrom are without the social constructs surrounding kismesissitude for trolls, but I do know that it’s one of the harder quadrants for humans (or at least, for me) to understand. So, while I can see some humans participating in the darker-colored quadrants—especially as they would have had ample example of exactly how it works as they lived among trolls over the millennia—I think it would still be more widespread among trolls. And I can also see some trolls deciding to go the human way of things, and only have one (or a few) partners and not use the quadrant label.

With that in mind, as well as the whole culture that would have been carried over surrounding weddings (and the fact that we saw Rose and Kanaya’s, and I rather doubt that any of their non-friend guests/people hearing about it after the fact would have assumed that was only something the gods did), and the fact that things like legal benefits, paperwork, and the like would probably exist in some form, I think that special ceremonies and titles would extend over all the quadrants, as well as the more nebulous “human-style” romance type… and then whatever carapacians and consorts do, if they even do anything (they may or may not—yes, they have kings and queens, and the white king and queen did seem to be in love/redrom, but they might consider that to be incidental to their titles—a happy coincidence, rather than them being the king and queen because they are married in some form, and did that out of love/redrom). So, I’ll go ahead and break down how I think that would go within the next few posts—I don’t want to make this one too big. I’ll start with the non-quadrant related romance types.

Oh, and as a side note—on this version of Earth C, given how many different cultures are all being integrated into one… there is no real need for these types of relationships to be treated quite the same way they are on our Earth outside of wanting to show/solidify more thoroughly your devotion to that person/group of people. Things like spousal tax benefits you see in the U.S. and the like probably wouldn’t be handled the same way. It would probably be more like… if you can prove that you have lived/are going to be living with this person/group of people for a certain minimum period of time, you can merge finances/put them on as a beneficiary to your accounts if you want to. Or not necessarily even having to live with/near them, but just be in some sort of relationship for a minimum period of time, considering things like long-distance relationships exists. And “relationship” in this case would probably also have a looser definition. It would almost have to be that way, really, given the volatile nature of certain types of troll relationships, and how often they seem to flip quadrants—but that still means that the relationship exists, and it would be really silly to have to go through a bunch of paperwork to specify that your quadrant had flipped when it would be much easier to just leave things at “yes, we are in a relationship.”

And maybe in the past they still would have had things like political alliances or marriages of convenience or the like, but… I feel like it would have been handled differently since, again, some of the romance stuff seems far more hardwired into trolls, and since the goal of a lot of those types of pairings in human history was to bind families together through blood and ensure that bloodlines continue… that really wouldn’t have worked with trolls given the way they reproduce. Ectobiological cloning aside, it can be lifetimes before a descendant is born. And if cloning like that is an option, then why would you even need a marriage for that purpose in the first place? I just can’t really see that sort of thing working out in the same way that it did/does on our Earth, especially when it would be much simpler to just draw up a treaty. I mean… maybe it could sort of work as a “hostage” scenario, but even then, you would have the other quadrants to contend with. And even if we are talking about humans here, the cultures would still have been integrated enough that some humans were probably following quadrants from the very beginning, so it is still pertinent.

And this is the point where I realize this has gone way off topic, so… I’ll see you in the next post when I actually start talking about the weddings.

[atheistforhumanity]

Jesus as an actual, living, historical figure: is this bound by concrete evidence? Of course, there’s the whole “is he actually the Son of God” thing (which I’m sure you’ll say no). But I’m just wondering if you believe there was any man in the Middle East at all resembling Jesus during his era (and if he was actually crucified, etc).

Reasons to Doubt Jesus Ever Existed

This is a great question and Sunday morning before Christmas is the perfect time to answer it. Yes, any historical figure must be proven by historical evidence. While I do not claim to know for certain, I think it is highly unlikely that Jesus was ever a real historical figure. In this post I’m going to focus on the lack of evidence and why this points to fictional Jesus.

There is a shockingly small amount of evidence. The reason our pool of evidence is so small is that we must be strict about what can be considered evidence. We must only consider independent sources, that have validity, integrity, and are reasonably connected to the events.

So what do we have when we apply all of these rules to the evidence of Jesus? Virtually nothing. The New Testament contains almost everything that can be said to be known about Jesus Christ. You would think that for such a monumental figure there would be a large amount of corroborating evidence, but NT is all we have. Even that obviously leaves gaping holes. We know nothing of Jesus’ life between birth and prophethood, and none of this information is very reliable.

Remember we need authenticity and integrity, the NT does not truly meet these requirements. We know for a fact that there is a large amount of editing, rewriting, and flat out forgery within the NT. Mark is the first Gospel written and every one after that is a retelling of the same story, so as a collective they don’t contribute a large amount of independent information. The Gospels are not eye witness accounts as they are said to be, scholars unanimously agree that they were written toward the end of the 1st century, anywhere from 60 CE to 130 CE. So on top of the fact that the documents have been rewritten, redacted, and altered over and over they are essentially lies in the first place. However, it could be that these were documents that existed and were republished under their pseudonyms later on, or they are referencing documents that have been lost (which is the assumption). The reason they are called the Gospel according to… is because this phrase was meant to name the source where the author got the information, not the author themselves.

Then we have the Epistles, which many were written by Paul. Paul is seen as one of the most reliable sources of information on Jesus, but there’s a real problem with that. Paul’s letters are the earliest Christian writings that exist and yet they were written around the 50s CE, he was not a contemporary of Jesus either. Even worse, Paul states that all he knows of Jesus comes from hallucination (Gal. 1.11-12 & Gal 1.16 & Rom. 16.25-26). Paul is seen as the founder of Christianity by many and by his own account we have no reason to believe that his letters are based on fact.

You may not be aware, but there are literally no surviving documents of the first 60 years of Christianity. We are asked to believe that Nero persecuted Christians around the 30′s or 40′s, but this group was so clandestine that nothing of their actual activity, beliefs, structure, or anything else survived. Christianity literally begins with Paul (on paper). Carrier has an interesting idea about how Paul essentially usurped Christianity from the elders by introducing revelation, but that’s another story. What’s significant about this in the question of Jesus is that we want to get the most direct evidence possible and if anyone were going to write something reliable about Jesus it would be the contemporary Christians who he supposedly inspired, yet literally nothing exists.

That leads into my next point that there are no contemporary writers that talk about Jesus. Furthermore, non-christian writers that came shortly after him and wrote historical accounts of the same time as Jesus’ supposed life never mention him! Here’s a list of historical writers that we would have absolutely expected to mentioned Jesus, but didn’t!

Nicolaus of Damascus (Official court historian of Herod The Great)

Justus of Tiberias (King Agrippa’s personal secretary-Agrippa from Acts 25-26)

Josephus (Historian)

Philo of Alexandria (Jewish Historian and Writer)

Marcus Velleius Paterculus (Wrote a history of Rome up to 29 CE)

Marcus Servilius Nonianus (Wrote a history of 1st century)

Pamphila of Epidaurus (Writer of history in the 1st century)

Aufidius Bassus (Historical writer)

Pliny the Elder (Historical writer)

This is by no means the whole list of writers that should have written about Jesus, but even the fact that these people did not write about him is unbelievable. It’s the same situation as Moses. He supposedly brought destruction down on Egypt and led the exodus of millions of slaves, yet there is not a single word written about him or piece of evidence for those events. I find the lack of writing on Jesus extremely hard to swallow.

What about Josephus? If you’ve followed atheist blogs and channels then you’ve probably heard someone mention the Jewish historian Josephus. His accounts add another layer of doubt about the specific Jesus Christ from scripture being real. Josephus himself was not a contemporary of Jesus either, but he wrote history about that same time period. He is known to be one the most reliable historians of his time because he was detailed, reasoned, and admitted or noted oddities in historical accounts. ( I just want to take a second to say this is a quality that the Gospels absolutely lack. They are not written by historians for sure, because they do not question anything. They are written as narratives that take the supernatural for granted and offer not suspicion or amazement.)

As you’ve probably heard before, Josephus wrote about four savior figures: The Samaritan, Theudas, The Egyptian, and The Impostor. All around the same time period, these men came preaching radical ideology, gained a mass following, and were executed by the state. None of them fit Jesus Christ’s description in detial though. If we take Josephus as reliable then we know radical cults were common. In fact we know from other sources that there were many different Jewish and Pagan cults at this time all competing for followers, and in the past 100 years writings of messiahs and saviors were very popular. People actually often attended meetings of multiple ideologies. It was Christianity that popularized devotion to a single ideology. Even other figures int he Bible have a messiah over tone, such as John, Joshua, Isiah.

This leads me to believe that forging a fictional narrative about a man named Jesus would be extremely easy. I won’t go into the motivations now, because this post is long enough, but suffice to say that Christianity was an attempt at cultural reform and power, like many other movements in history have been. Like many other movements, they used a figure head (a infallible model) to be the source of their movement to give it authority. This point of course ties into the fact that there are many previous god and demigod figures in previous faiths that have extremely similar dying and rising savior stories. I won’t get into that line of argument now, but it’s important to know Jesus was not original and therefore makes his fictional creation very believable.

On what we do have there is very little agreement. Scholars cannot agree on his place of birth, year of birth, year of death, or even who killed him. Was Jesus born around the time of Herod’s death in 4CE or the take over Judea in 6CE? Did he die by Pontius Pilot’s hand around 30CE or under Emperor Claudius in the 40sCE? OR Did he live and die under King Jannaeus around 100BCE? Early Christian Bishop Epiphanius wrote about a sect of “Christians” that followed the old law yet believed in Christ. Yet these Nazorians believed that Jesus lived under Jannaeus a century earlier than typically assumed. They essentially have their own Gospel of another Jesus by a different name, Ben Stada. Their story mirrors Jesus Christ with small differences, but have the important details. It is a far better match than any of Josephus’ savior figures. This story is confirmed in the Babylonian Talmud. Last Christmas I wrote a post specifically on the conflicts in the details of Jesus’ birth. What’s strange about Jesus’ birth is that we often don’t know when a historical figure was born exactly, because he wasn’t famous then. However, in Jesus’ case, he somehow was famous before he was born, yet there is so much disagreement on the simplest of facts. Plus, we apparently lose track of him immediately after he’s born, which is also suspicious. Then he pops around 30 years later and we’re supposed to believe it’s definitely the same person. The fact that the very little information we have about Jesus cannot be agreed upon makes accepting him as historical very difficult.

I don’t think there are any absolutely solid facts about Jesus. There are things that are mostly agreed upon, but they alone don’t constitute proof beyond a reasonable doubt. Acceptance of Jesus’ existence is mostly an assumption based on the prolific influence the figure has had on the world. That, however, does not prove his existence. King Author, Robin Hood, Moses, Socrates, Betty Crocker. These are all famous figures that never existed in history. Socrates is assumed to have been real, but there’s not a shred of proof. We know for a fact that a fictional figure can be created, passed off as historical, and become highly famed and beloved. We also know that people are subject to outrageous beliefs about recent history (i.e. Holocaust denial). So it’s not unreasonable to believe that Paul and those that actually wrote the Gospels could have fallen victim to this historical revisionism, or even consciously took park it in. Remember, Paul said he only knew Jesus through revelation(i.e. dream, hallucination, or lie).

So this sums up the problem of lack of evidence for Jesus, and pushes me to think he was never an actual living person. There are many other reasons to doubt his existence, and maybe I’ll keep writing on them in a series fashion. Maybe I’ll make it a tradition to write about his controversial existence every Christmas. I hope everyone found this interesting. Check out the authors below for more information regarding Jesus and early Christianity.

Thank you all for reading!!

Sources

The Bible

Richard Carrier

Bart Ehrman

Van Voorst

Gern Ludemann

Josephus

Epiphanius

Earl Doherty

Thomas Thompson

[moroslavklose]

some different styles of goalkeeping (and how it relates to the fight for the first keeper spot following jens lehmann’s retirement)- WARNING: SO LONG AND REDUNDANT

hello i am entirely aware i make too many posts these days and nearly all of them are annoying but this is a topic that has been on my mind for a very very long time and is imo one of the most interesting bits of analysis in football- what role should a goalkeeper play on the pitch, and how should they play it? how has goalkeeping evolved? this topic links in very nicely for the fight for the first goalkeeper’s spot following the retirement of jens lehmann, whose career ended in the final of the 2008 euros. also inspired by the lovely betty :) @lemonhemlock WARNING- THIS IS SO LONG (and revolves around german football, to narrow down the vast topic a bit)

so the first question we have to ask ourselves when analysing goalkeeping is, what should goalkeepers do on the pitch? the answer to this question is far more complex than, “make saves when they need to”. there are questions we should ask ourselves, such as: should goalkeepers stop every attacking manouevre before they take place by audaciously running out to collect every long ball, or should they have an unerring sense of which through-ball they’re going to go out for and which one they’re not? how far should their influence extend onto the team? should they be as manuel neuer is, the eleventh outfielder, the additional man at the back who seamlessly integrates himself into defensive play, or should they be like the traditionalists, such as oli kahn, who make spectacular saves on the goal line?

the important thing to recognise is that there is no right or wrong goalkeeping style. the idea that one style is better than the other is purely theoretical- this fact is proven because, in the autumn of 2008, there were 3 german keepers, all of wildly different styles, who were part of the national team. we accept without question that strikers all have different qualities and are of different types, and can all become fantastic players in their own ways. it’s the same thing with goalkeeping. the vital thing is that goalkeepers play consistently well and decisively and act surely in key moments, whether they’re standing yards off their line to intercept the last man incoming or poised close to the goal line, ready to spring at the right moment. the important thing to take in mind when analysing the comparative merits of goalkeeping is, which keeper has perfected their own style?

let’s take a little foray (my god am i obnoxious) into how the objectives and styles of german goalkeeping have changed over the years :)

oliver kahn, tim wiese and the traditional german keeper

everyone knows this man. the bayern munich titan from karlsruhe who has become regarded as one of the best goalkeepers of all time. along with sepp maier and toni schumacher, he’s one of the classic keepers germany have become known for over the years. we’re definitely a country that seems to be a factory for producing good goalkeepers.

oli kahn is a poster boy for the nineties style of german goalkeeping. back then, the country had a distinct idea of how goalkeepers were meant to be. they lingered on the goal-line, awaiting their moment to be a star, they dived and exaggerated their punches and held onto the front post during crosses. they threw themselves speculatively at shots, stormed out when the striker advanced on their own and took risks. the idea was that, as the lone wolf, the goalkeeper needed to shine in their own right. they needed to be showy and wow the crowds with their antics, because the moments when the ball is near the goal are the most stress-inducing moments in football. they werent a part of the team’s attacking plays like they are these days, before van der sar sent perfect drop kicks down the length of the pitch to set his teammates up like a goal. they were the last resort. 

oli kahn is probably one of the most spectacular keepers who have ever played the sport- but i would say he was not as technically gifted, as, say, manuel neuer. back then, footwork and the ability to read the game for a goalkeeper were not as important as they are these days. the ability to use your hands and catch/punch the ball was more important. 

how this relates to germany’s goalkeepers’ battle for the first keeper’s spot of 2008 is very simple- tim wiese was one of the 3 goalkeepers part of the national squad, and he was a traditionalist.

i should probably offer some background to this ‘battle’. following the end of jens lehmann’s career, germany needed a new no.1- and they had only known kahn and lehmann for years. the main conflict of that generation came mostly from enke and adler, but wiese’s presence in the squad shows that the traditional keeping style was hanging on in those days.

 in an age where goalkeeping was tentatively moving forwards, tim wiese was one of the last few people stopping shots and making breathtaking saves on the goal line. he was what’s known as a ‘tabloid keeper’- someone who takes brilliant risks that often pay off, but whose decision-making often leaves a lot to be desired. wiese was the type to come sliding recklessly at a striker or punching the ball violently away when a simple catch would have done- and commentators cried his name in joy. it’s a far cry to say that he was revolutionary, but he looked that way. spectators love keepers like that, they’re showmen, who use their few moments of glory well. but positioning wise, and decisions-wise, he was taking largely unnecessary risks. strikers could have easily gone around him to get to goal, and you could see that when he was knee-sliding towards the opposition attacker that he sometimes wasn’t even looking in their direction.

while i won’t say wiese was a perfect example of a traditional keeper- more of a caricature, in my opinion (ok seriously i’m not even being mean he became a wrestler after football), in that germany squad he was the representation of that archetype of goalkeeper. 

rene adler, manuel neuer and the ‘radicals’- the development of sweeper keeping

these days, nearly everyone knows what a sweeper keeper is, and that’s thanks to manuel neuer. the process of tactically integrating keepers into the team can be traced back to the early 1950s with sebes’ hungary, yashin was a very early sweeper keeper great, and the netherlands’ van der sar is another famous example of a keeper who was good with both his hands and feet. but manuel neuer is by far the most refined, intelligent and complete sweeper keeper out there.

i wonder, however, how many people remember rené adler. neuer’s predecessor in the ‘radical’ new goalkeeping role in germany, he was the strongest competitor for the first keeper spot in 2008-10. the ‘radicals’ were a new breed of keeper in the bundesliga. rather than maintaining the conservative positional play of the nineties, they wandered past their home of the box and stood yards away from their line. they became harbringers of a new trend- the trend of stopping a problem before it could even come into fruition. 

for those who may not fully understand what a sweeper keeper is, it’s really quite simple. a sweeper keeper is a player who acts as the eleventh outfielder, who builds from the back, commands and organises the back line and, of course, rushes off the line when needed, to stop an attack in its tracks. there is no gaping space between the back line and goalkeeper, the sweeper keeper keeps close to their defenders so counter attacks can be launched more efficiently. distribution is also vital- the keeper isn’t just hoofing the ball out for a free-for-all in midfield, they’re precisely setting up attacks. they’ve got to be a playmaker as well as a shot-stopper. it’s a dangerous way to play football- just look at claudio bravo at city for a way it can go wrong- but it’s probably the most rewarding way for a keeper to play football, mixing both the spectacle of the traditionalist and the tactical finesse of the outfield roles most young players always want to play in. thanks, manuel neuer, for making goalkeeping fashionable!

adler was by far the most outstanding keeper in the bundesliga back then, even moreso than schalke’s fantastic manuel neuer. the newspapers all fell upon him as the new no.1 who would carry germany back into the security of good goalkeeping they had become accustomed to with oli and jens. though adler’s role was not as advanced as neuer’s, who reads the whole game and becomes the third fullback or centreback at times, he was able to time his runs outwards, play balls from the back and stop attacking plays, all while adventuring past the point that german goalkeepers had stuck religiously to in the past. he was also a superb shot-stopper. he was the future.

unfortunately, he went along a different path- through no fault of his own. following robert enke’s suicide, he was intended to be the no.1 for south africa, but sustained a serious rib injury and was knocked out of commission, meaning manuel neuer took the top spot. he is now officially retired after yet another injury. i can bet a lot of bitterness has haunted rené since that one rib injury. i would love to see a little more appreciation for him floating around <3

for those who want to see a complete display of sweeper keeping, here’s manuel neuer vs algeria:

and here’s some highlights of adler:

robert enke and the middle ground

now, my final bit of goalkeeping analysis is going to be about the middle ground of goalkeeping, and that was provided by robert enke. in that german national squad, enke was a 29 year old who had played very few internationals, whereas highly rated young bundesliga players like hildebrand and yes, neuer (you should’ve known a goalkeeping post written by a german and bayern fan would have his name thrown around like confetti) were not being chosen. many people questioned this. but the reason enke was in that squad, and the eventual first choice (god may his soul rest in peace), was because of all the three keepers, he had perfected his style the most.

what was his style? well, enke was more along the lines of the traditionalists when it came to positional play- he remained further away from his line than oli kahn but not as far off his line as, say, neuer. rather than dashing out at every cross like most of the next generation of goalkeepers (ESPECIALLY in germany), he stayed closer to the near post and left some of the crosses for his back line to handle and the ones he chose to come out for, he dealt with safely. he chose the method not that would be the most rewarding, but the method that was the most secure, and that would rule out the most mistakes. whereas the traditionalists reacted and the radicals anticipated, he did both in equal measure. he was the most consistent in his style- even if he played for hannover, with their leaky defense and constant relegation quality performances, you could still see from a mile away that he was reliable.

regardless of how many remarkable athletic saves you might see a keeper make, or if they’re younger, the most important factor when picking a starting keeper is, in my opinion, who utilises their style the most consistently and effectively. traditionalists have less work to do and can turn up in big moments but are forced to make incredible reaction saves that are sometimes too difficult to pull off, radicals are forced to take in every aspect of the game into account which means they have a lot more work to do and have many more risks to deal with, but also can rule out danger more effectively. you need to take a lot of aspects into account when analysing a keeper’s performance- first of all, is their defence lacking? is their positioning good but their decision-making poor? did the keeper do all they could possibly do to stop the goalscoring attempt, or was there more they could have done? these are just some of the questions you have to ask- you can’t just say, “they didn’t save that, so they’re lacking as a keeper”.

so! i’m not sure what i was trying to achieve with this dumbass post but i hope it was informative and at least slightly interesting? i rambled and haven’t done much planning and it’s not at all organised but i hope it was ok regardless <3

[letterboxd]

Family.

“We’re trying to say: stop thinking about Manson as the embodiment of all evil. If he got a record deal, maybe nobody would have died.”

Jack Moulton talks cults, Trump and noise-cancelling headphones with American actress and screenwriter Guinevere Turner. Charlie Says is her latest film with frequent collaborator, Canadian director Mary Harron.

Of the serial-killer films currently in release, Charlie Says is the one that puts a strong focus on the women who often remain in the background of these retellings. Leslie Van Houten (Hannah Murray), Patricia Krenwinkel (Sosie Bacon), and Susan Atkins (Marianne Rendón)—the three women who killed for Charles Manson (Matt Smith)—are imprisoned in isolation in a California penitentiary, as well as psychologically imprisoned by Manson’s delusional ideas.

Then graduate student Karlene Faith (Merritt Wever) is given the job of rehabilitating the young women—as long as they are prepared to confront the horrors of their actions.

Turner co-wrote the 90s urban indie lesbian feature Go Fish directed by Rose Troche, which preceded her meeting with Harron. Charlie Says is their most recent collaboration, having partnered previously on American Psycho and The Notorious Bettie Page.

What interested you in writing a film about Charles Manson? Guinevere Turner: When the producers met with me they said they wanted to focus on the women as we definitely never got a sense of a story told from their perspective before. Once I found Karlene Faith’s book The Long Prison Journey of Leslie Van Houten [Faith’s study of the rehabilitation process and elongated incarceration of the three Manson Family girls], I saw a whole side of the story that literally never gets represented.

I got very excited that I could make a good movie out of this and it would also be an interesting commentary on what it says about society that we always treated these women like they’re interchangeable. Nobody’s ever asked “what happened to them?”, “what made them do what they did?” and more importantly “why did we stop talking about them?”. We never stopped talking to Charlie! There was a real opportunity to talk about men and women, who and when we pay attention to historically.

Did you get the chance to work with Karlene Faith in person before she passed away [in May 2017]? Yes, she was fantastic. It took a while to persuade her into talking to me at first. I slowly gained her trust via email, then we would talk on the phone, and eventually I would be visiting her apartment in Vancouver and we became friends. For about two years we were as thick as thieves.

Her book was obviously a huge resource but she was also useful for research as she was a woman of that time. She gave me a great visual, listening to her activist life outside of prison. When she met the girls for the first time she had all these assumptions that they were gonna be freaky psycho-killers and she was blown away by how sweet they were. She was immediately turned by them and she wanted to help them.

What were some of the unexpected realities of living in a cult environment that you wanted to portray? So I grew up in a cult environment as you probably knew so I assume that’s why you ask that question. [Ms. Turner spent the first eleven years of her life as part of the Lyman Family. They were devotees of Mel Lyman who believed he and his commune members would eventually live on the planet Venus. Though parted from her mother after birth, she and her younger sister were ejected from the Family when her mother eventually decided to leave. Ms. Turner considered returning at eighteen but chose to go to college instead.]

Yes, I read the article in The New Yorker. For me, I was excited to bring this knowledge in my DNA of what it’s really like living in that environment to represent both the good and the bad parts. You have those semi-orgy scenes and people doing acid, but also scenes where everyone is sitting around for dinner. That grounds it a little more. At the end of the day, it is a family—albeit an infamously weird one—but it is a bunch of people trying to live together.

While there’s the “everyday” quality to it I also wanted to show the volatility. It can be beautifully tranquil one moment and then turn on the dime into something scary and destabilizing. I feel like those things were true of my childhood. Mary Harron heard me talking about my upbringing for decades and she would always say “you should write about it”. I didn’t want to write about it specifically, but when I found this movie I thought I could bring something personal to the project that no other screenwriter could.

We’re curious about how you like to write. What music do you listen to while you work and are there any films you used as inspiration? I can’t listen to anything when I’m writing. I have noise-cancelling headphones that don’t cancel noise enough. I could live in an actual sensory deprivation tank while I write and I would be so happy, but unfortunately you can’t bring computers underwater. So, no music.

I watched a lot of movies of the era, especially unconventional movies about Jesus such as Jesus Christ Superstar (1973). Those were interesting aesthetically.

There’s a shot in the movie where they’re walking up the side of this mountain and I just loved that iconography. We were short for time on the day and I pleaded with Mary to make it happen. It made me so happy that it became one of the images they use for the promotion of the film. It does feel like this biblical journey and we were trying to capture that vibe.

What do you do to ensure the female gaze is considered from the script? I find a lot of that is intuitive. For example in this script, there has to be nudity but you notice that every time someone is naked in this movie it’s really uncomfortable. That’s one thing in terms of subverting male gaze, is that there’s no way that any person could see those scenes as objectifying the body for more than a nanosecond because of what’s happening.

It’s all about power, so I like that it’s portrayed as being uneasy. Even when Matt Smith is naked, Charlie is exerting power over someone else and she’s repulsed by him. That’s one of my favorite scenes in the movie.

How does your acting background feed into the way you write your characters? I think because I’m an actor I deeply feel the reality of what’s available for the average female actor to play. There’s tons of “someone’s girlfriend” and all the tropes, so for me when I’m writing I’m asking myself what about this is going to make an actor say “yes please, let me play that part!”.

I need to present something complex and challenging that they don’t often see. As someone who’s auditioned for many characters that I thought were poorly written, I try and give even the small parts something that will make an actor excited to play them.

What makes your creative partnership with Mary Harron work so well? It’s funny because we’ve never really asked ourselves that. Of course in the last week we’ve been asked that a lot while we’re in the same room and we look at each other like confused animals going “why does it work?”.

We realize that we have a similar sense of humor so we laugh a lot even while we’re writing all this dark stuff. The main factor is that we really trust each other. One of the hardest things about collaborating is that you’re not sure if someone is shooting down your idea because it doesn’t work or they’re jealous that it’s good. You need to trust that you can test stupid ideas with them.

When we first met in 1996 [shortly after Harron’s directing debut I Shot Andy Warhol and Turner’s writing debut Go Fish] we immediately had an affinity for each other and started writing together. It was as easy the first time we tried it as it is now. There’s not even much of an evolution. I feel really lucky for that because as a screenwriter it certainly means I have a lot more access to the movie than usual because the director is always checking in with me.

Despite all of the bleakness, it’s clear in the film that these women just wanted to be loved. There’s such a deep sympathy for them. What interests you about the line of responsibility for those influenced by dangerous charismatic leaders? I’d say everything about that interests me.

I’m drawing parallels to politics today such as the alt-right people that Trump influences, for example. We’re seeing echoes where people are mindlessly following a person who is validating evil, dangerous, and disgusting ideas. For these women I had to constantly remind myself that they did commit these horrible crimes.

I feel like Charles Manson and Donald Trump are apples and oranges except for the fact that they strike me as people where their only real fuel is power and that half the time they don’t know what they’re doing or saying, they’re just terrified of losing it. They almost have no internal life. They just feel when they have the power and when the power may be taken away and what they do to keep it makes people do terrible things. It’s like an addiction.

Matt Smith as Charles Manson in ‘Charlie Says’.

I’m sure you’re painfully aware that we have four Charles Manson films coming out in a short space of time. There’s Tate, The Haunting of Sharon Tate, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, though I’m certain Charlie Says was conceived before all of these. How do you feel about being a part of this cycle? I started writing the movie in 2014 and most of the time movies are made two years later but that’s not how it worked out for various logistical reasons. So on the one hand, I cringe that it’s the 50th anniversary [of Sharon Tate’s murder] and that’s when our movie’s coming out—it feels tacky but it’s definitely not on purpose.

Which seems to be very deliberate on Tarantino’s part… But the way independent films work is that you try and get them made until you get them produced. You don’t have these luxuries of when exactly they’re going to come out. That said, we have landed in a zeitgeist moment which is nice in terms of people paying attention to the movie. I don’t know much about Once Upon a Time in Hollywood but I’m sure Tarantino has a radically different approach from ours.

While they share some similarities, your depiction of Charles Manson doesn’t work in quite the same way as American Psycho’s Patrick Bateman. How did you decide the ways you wanted to humanize Manson? I think the first thing that’s similar between how we portrayed these two characters is that while they’re these powerful frightening people, we’re demystifying them and grounding them in an essential pathetic loserness. Mary and I don’t talk about how we can make another movie that takes down toxic masculinity, that’s just where we end up sometimes.

With American Psycho the stakes of social responsibility were different. We were asking people to put your baggage with the book away, we’re women making this, and we are trying to turn it into something that’s a critique of masculinity in a funny and dark way.

For Charlie Says we’re trying to say: stop thinking about Manson as the embodiment of all evil. We want to stop giving him that power and show that he was a conman who was just a failed musician. If he got a record deal, maybe nobody would have died.

Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in ‘American Psycho’ (2000).

I have to say, American Psycho holds up really well for the Trump era. One could argue that it works better now than when it came out.

How do you respond to the way you’ve already satirized these sociopaths in power and how that affected the increasing appreciation for the film over the years? It’s gratifying, because [American Psycho] was not particularly well loved when it came out. That’s disheartening when you work hard on a project that you think is more worthy. That said, it being more relevant now is terrifying. I watched the movie again recently and there’s a little part of you that cringes when we make Trump jokes because Donald Trump was a different kind of funny at the time.

‘Charlie Says’ is in US cinemas now, and available on VOD and digital from May 17.

[barchiefanfiction]

Breathe You In

by keiraknighted

for Barchie Halloween

prompt: Harry Potter/Hogwarts AU

AO3 // ff.net

If Archie had his way, he would spend his free period outside practicing Quidditch, or maybe taking a nap. But Betty is adamant that he’s going to get at least an E on his History of Magic exam. Archie doesn’t even know why he’s still taking History of Magic.

But at least they can study together in the prefect common room, instead of having to share with the rest of Gryffindor. Archie still isn’t quite sure how he got to be a prefect. He’s sure it has something to do with Betty’s influence.

His stomach grumbles, and Betty looks up from her notes, amused.

“It must be nearly lunch time,” she says. “We’ve probably studied enough for today anyway.”

“I’m not going to argue with that,” Archie grins.

Betty starts packing up her notes. “I’m just going to the bathroom and then we can head to the Great Hall together,” she says.

Archie nods, packing up his things as Betty leaves the common room. A couple of minutes later, Veronica and Jughead return from class. Veronica shoves a tiny glass vial under Archie’s nose. The smell of perfume wafts into his nostrils, and it makes his heart beat a little faster.

“What does this smell like?” Veronica asks.

“Why are you shoving a bottle of Betty’s perfume under my nose?” Archie frowns, confused. He thinks it smells a little different, like it’s mixed with a couple of other smells, but that’s what he can smell most strongly.

Veronica stares at him, pulling the vial away. She turns to Jughead, and they’re both wearing surprised but gleeful expressions on their faces.

“Betty’s perfume?” Jughead repeats.

Archie feels like he’s missed the joke. “I mean… yeah? Is that not what it is?”

Veronica gives a snort of laughter and a second later Betty walks back into the common room. Veronica shoves the vial under Betty’s nose.

“What does this smell like?” she asks Betty. Betty glances at Archie, then gives Veronica an unimpressed look.

“I’m not falling for that,” she says. “I know you guys had potions just now and I know we’re making Amortentia this week.”

“Amortentia?” Archie repeats dumbly.

“Love potion,” Betty rolls her eyes. Veronica and Jughead both smirk at him knowingly, and Archie feels his stomach lurch and his face go hot. He’s spent the better part of a year trying not to let anyone know that he’s in love with his best friend, and now he’s basically just admitted as much to Jughead and Veronica. Stupid Slytherins.

“Archie fell for it,” Veronica teases. Archie gives her a pleading look, and a quick shake of his head. Don’t tell her, he’s desperately trying to get Veronica to understand. Veronica raises an eyebrow but she seems to get it.

“Oh?” Betty says. “What do you smell, Arch?”

“Uh,” he says. “Roast chicken.”

Betty laughs, shaking her head affectionately. “That doesn’t surprise me at all. Shall we all go and eat?”

  Archie and Betty have potions together the following day. He’s kind of glad Veronica and Jughead prepared him for what Amortentia is going to smell like for him. The scent hits him as soon as he enters the classroom, the unmistakable scent of Betty, and whatever perfume it is she wears every day. Only it’s much, much stronger. It makes him feel all woozy. He’s pretty sure they shouldn’t even be allowed to teach kids how to make this potion.

But the lesson goes fine, and they’re each allowed to keep a tiny drop if they have their own vial.

“What does it smell like for you?” Archie asks Betty as they leave the classroom.

Betty’s cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink. “Oh, um,” she stammers. “Lemons?”

“Lemons?” Archie raises an eyebrow. She’s obviously lying. She’s clearly embarrassed by whatever it is, and lemons isn’t exactly embarrassing.

“Uh huh, lemons.”

“Okay…” Archie says. He’s not going to push her, mostly because he doesn’t want her to possibly turn the tables on him. So he drops it and heads to Quidditch practice, while Betty heads back to the common room.

  Archie wakes up in the middle of the night, though he’s not sure why. His eyes fall over the other sleeping Gryffindor sixth years, Reggie and Kevin, trying to work out if one of them made a noise that might have woken him. He comes up short, but decides to get up to pee while he’s awake.

As he descends the stairs, he can hear someone muttering to themselves, and when he steps into the common room, he sees Betty, sitting by her cauldron on the floor, mixing some kind of potion in the firelight. And if the smell is anything to go by, it’s Amortentia. Archie’s stomach clenches. What is she doing making love potion in the middle of the night?

“Betty?” he says, his voice hoarse with sleep. She whips her head around, her eyes wide. “What are you doing?” Archie asks, coming towards her.

“Don’t tell anyone,” she says.

Archie sits beside her and peers into the cauldron. It looks different to what they made today.

“Are you sure you’re making it right?” Archie asks.

Betty huffs. “Of course I’m sure. It smells right, doesn’t it?”

It smells so strongly of her perfume, filling up the room with the scent of her, making Archie want to pull her close and kiss her. “Yeah, it smells right.”

They fall into silence as Betty continues to brew her concoction. Archie glances at her, trying not to judge. But he didn’t think she’d ever stoop so low as to make a love potion and use it on someone. It seems kind of immoral. But he’s also desperate to know who she’s so enamoured with she feels the need to use a love potion on them. Then again, he’s terrified to find out. The thought of her being with someone else kills him.

“Betty?” he asks, swallowing heavily.

“Yeah?” Betty replies, not looking up from her potion.

“Who’s it for?”

“Who’s it for?” she repeats, sounding confused.

Archie inclines his head towards the potion. “The Amortentia. Who are you planning on using it on?”

Betty looks at him, bewildered. “Amortentia?” she says. “I’m just making perfume, Arch.”

Archie stares at her. Oh god. “Oh,” he says. He licks his lips. He can feel his face turning bright red. He ducks his head, trying to hide his embarrassment.

Betty laughs, and it’s clear she hasn’t caught on yet. Why he thought she was making love potion. “Why would you think I was making Amortentia? Do you think I’m that desperate?” she grins.

“No, of course not,” Archie says quickly. Thank god she hasn’t figured it out. He thinks he’s in the clear, and he’s about to head back to bed, when Betty’s expression changes, her eyes widen, her mouth falls open.

“Archie,” she says softly. “Does… does Amortentia smell like this for you?”

Archie clears his throat. He wishes there were a way to deny it. “Yeah.”

“Oh my god.”

“I’m sorry, I—” he stops. He doesn’t even know what to say. He can’t look at her. “I’m an idiot.”

“I was lying about the lemons,” Betty says quickly. “Well, not entirely. It smells a little like lemons. But it smells a lot like you.”

Archie looks back at her, his heart pounding.

“Arch, I—”

He kisses her before she can finish. The smell of her perfume fills his head, and that combined with the pressure of her lips makes him dizzy. He kisses her like he never wants to stop, and he doesn’t, not really. But eventually she pulls away, and he opens his eyes slowly.

“I was going to say, I love you,” Betty whispers. “And you’re definitely not an idiot.”

Archie grins. “I am an idiot,” he says. “And I love you too.”