#it pisses me off because it's a waste of time

[holylulusworld]

Mr. Dickbeard

Summary: Your boss’s best friend is the worst.

Pairing: Lloyd Hansen x fem!Reader

Warnings: Lloyd being Lloyd, bimbo reader, groping, implied smut

“Bimbo, bring me a coffee,” your boss’s best friend and the worst man you ever met in your life barks your way. He snaps his fingers and waltzes over to your desk. His expensive loafers squeak on the floor, making you wince. “Did you not hear me?”

You purse your lips and reply, “You’re not my boss.” He glares at you as the whole open-plan office falls silent. “Why don’t you get your coffee yourself?”

“BIMBO!” Lloyd Hansen, self-declared master of your life, growls. “I told you to get me coffee!”

“Lloyd, what’s the matter?” Mr. Gentry opened the door to his office to poke his head out. “Do we have an appointment? I thought you were going to be in London for two more weeks.”

“Those idiots didn’t get my humor,” Hansen grumbles under his breath. “These fine gentlemen want to seal the deal with some arrogant fucker! A waste of money and time. Plus, the girls there are uptight as shit. I didn’t get my dick sucked for two weeks.”

You scrunch up your nose and look away. Lloyd Hansen, your boss’s best friend, is just the worst. He’s loud, misogynistic, and a perv. Oh, and he loves to talk about his dick and mustache all the time.

Sometimes you ask yourself why Mr. Gentry is friends with this man. Your boss is a nice guy, always friendly and helpful.

Hansen glares at you. His jaw ticks as your boss calls his name. He doesn’t look away, sneering as you shift in your seat. “Coming. Don’t get your panties in a twist,” he grunts. “I need to take a piss first.”

Scrunching up your nose again, you try to not speak your mind. Most of the time, when you get angry, you start to babble.

“Lloyd, can you just not?” Your boss shakes his head. “Damn, he must’ve had a bad time in London.”

You giggle at your boss’s words. He’s so cute and funny. What a pity he’s married. You could fall for him.

“Could you please get him a coffee with lots of sugar? I think he’ll need it,” Mr. Gentry softly asks. “You must excuse my friend; he speaks before he thinks.”

“Fucking bimbo getting on my fucking nerves,” Lloyd mutters in the restroom. He tried to get a stain out of his pants and took them off. “It’s no use.”

“Uh—Mr. Hansen,” you giggle as you walk in on Lloyd. He’s only wearing a thong, barely hiding anything. You can see his happy trail as his shirt rid up. “Sir, your dickbeard is showing.” You point at his crotch, giggling and snorting as you can see his pubic hair and half of his left sack.

He stares at you, anger in his eyes. “What are you doing at the men’s restroom, bimbo?”

“Sir, this is the ladies’ restroom, and you are dressed inappropriately.” You try to keep the giggle wanting to escape your lips down your throat. Hansen already looks like he’s going to combust as he looks down at his body to adjust his thong.

“I think the boys don’t like this kind of underwear,” you say, and nod to yourself. "Hmm...or...is this a hairnet?” You suddenly say, earning an angry look from Lloyd. “Like the ones in the cafeteria, only for your dickbeard.”

“I can’t believe you can walk upright like a normal human with only half a brain and no filter for your stupid mouth,” he comments and goes back to scrubbing his pants clean.

“Oh, a stain,” you hum and step closer to get a better look at his pants. “What is it? Milk. Cream. Yogurt?”

Lloyd squares his jaw. He won’t tell you that he jerked off in the toilet cubicle like some loser only because he had the chance to yell at you again.

“Maybe you should lick it clean to find out,” he smirks darkly and chuckles as you swipe your index finger over the stain. “Go ahead, put that tongue to better use for once.”

“You know,” you look down at his barely covered crotch and the prominent erection he’s not even hiding. “for a man pretending to hate me, you’re very happy to see me.”

“Shut up, bimbo,” he growls and grabs you by your arms. “I told you not to get cocky, only because I ate that cunt once.”

“Thrice,” you coo and move your hand to his crotch, cupping him roughly. “You can’t get enough of me. I know it.”

“You don’t have enough brain cells to know shit.” He roughly grabs you by your shoulders, trying to push you down on your knees. “The only thing you’re good for is sucking dick.”

“Well, not today,” you smirk and drop your hand from his crotch. “You won’t get any until you apologize.”

You push him off you and twirl around to walk out of the restroom.

“Wait, we aren’t done here. You can’t make me hard and leave me hanging!”

“If you want to get to taste my pussy again, you’ll buy me a fucking diamond ring,” you snap at Lloyd and storm out of the room.

“How did we end up whipped by a bimbo and her pussy,” Lloyd says to himself as he looks at his erection. “You fucker always get me in trouble.”

Tags in reblog.

[guppybibi]

Part 1!

Johnny was practically convinced that the clock was broken by this point, because it had no reason to be that slow!

He was ready to clock out and head to the pub around 2 hours ago, so now he's just impatiently tapping the wooden table and waiting to get out.

"John!" His coworker calls out, right. The bet, he had to pay up. A deal was a deal and Johnny is a man of his word. "Right, just a second. Let me get my wallet, lad." He answered, quickly reaching into his pocket to grab his wallet.

"No no, you have got to tell me what happened between the two of you." Johnny raises a brow in confusion, muttering about how giving out context clues should be mandatory under his breath.

"The two of wh—"

"You and the pretty gal! Y/N was it? I checked the record books." They cut him off, continuing their rambling. "You looked like you were about to jump out of your skin when you were talking to her, c'mon open up, man! What were you two talking about?"

Johnny groans at the thought of the moment again, remembering the pure awkwardness and the tension that lingered in the air when Simon's name fell out of your lips.

"It's nothing, none of your business." Johnny replies in a dismissive tone, he noticed their mouth opening and instantly shut them up. "Will you leave me alone if I pay ye?"

Rude, maybe–but it's not nice to force information out of people who aren't willing to. What's this? A fucking interrogation? But..hey! He paid up and they left him alone, a win-win situation.

Johnny knew fully well that your business wasn't his business, and he completely respects that. But Simon's business was his business as well. And you were apart of Simon's business for who knows how long, so he should deserves to get filled in on what happened.

And as if the gods have answered his prayers, it was time to get his ass out of here! Johnny wasted no time and dashed out right after clocking out, he needs to pay his best friend a visit.

Simon was going on about his day, calmly wiping down some bottles while making small talk with the customers when necessary, not really bothering to look up at them. He was so focused on his work that he didn't notice Johnny bolting in and grabbing the closest seat to Simon.

"Simon!" Johnny calls out, slightly startling Simon. An unimpressed scowl was on the blonde man's face..or maybe it was always there. Johnny couldn't really tell with the bright flashing lights here. Whatever, not important.

"Here for a drink, Johnny?" Simon asks, still fixated on getting this one dirty spot of a glass. The Scot nodded, leaning closer to Simon. "Yea, here to talk about somethin' too. Get me some tequila though, just put it in my tab. I think I might have a lot to drink tonight."

The Brit chuckles quietly, shaking his head in disbelief. "Thought you said it tasted like dog piss." Welp whatever the customer says, no? Simon starts preparing the tequila while Johnny spoke.

"It does, but it won't hurt if I try it again. Who knows? I might like it." Alright, he did make sense this time..Simon wasn't going to fight it, he hands over the glass of tequila.

The moment the alcohol got in his mouth, it was practically going straight back out. Johnny had only managed to swallow the liquid out of pure willpower.. "Never mind..it would hurt if I tried it again." He mumbled, wiping his lips and setting the glass aside for now.

"So..have ye been seein' anyone?" Simon, who was mixing up some cocktails now, raised a brow. "No..ain't got the time for it." Simon was wondering where this conversation would end up..

"Really, eh? How about in these past few years?" Simon wasn't sure what Johnny was planning, probably isn't any good. It rarely is.

"Why'd you want to know, mate?" Simon fires a question back, Johnny's shoulders visibly tense up. "Just curious.."

That sounded very typical for someone like Johnny, but there's no doubt that there was something more to it. "Just tell me, mate. It can't be the end of the world."

Johnny sighed, downing the glass of tequila despite the horrific taste. He was going to need a lot more than that.."Fine..I've had this client come in, asking for a cover up tattoo to cover her ex-boyfriend's name. She's a lovely looking lass too.."

Simon listened intently, wondering what this has got to do with him, he let Johnny continue. "I noticed that she had another covered up tattoo close to her more recent one so I asked her what was written on it.."

Again, what has this got to do with Sim—"She said 'Simon Riley' was written on it." Oh. Alright that made sense, not that it made it any better.

Simon tries to recall past memories of his relationships, big and small. It wasn't too hard to remember since memories were stored into his brain like an insanely accurate library. He remembers you, even if he wished he didn't.

"Y/N..?" Simon muttered, eyes wide as if he witnessed a ghost walking through.

...Not exactly the ideal situation Johnny wanted to be in, despite causing it.

[puck-luck]

Congrats on 1K!!! Could you do prompt 24, Suit 2 Clubs with Jack Hughes?!

Note: this one is not my best because i've been struggling to fulfill these prompts the past two days <3 BUT we persist!! i have some fire blurbs coming up soon :)

Warnings: spanking, bratty behavior WC: 676

“You’re not being funny,” Jack says. 

Except that you are. His frustration is laughable. Although, you will admit that the running gag is getting tiresome. It’s only getting tiresome because you want Jack to fuck you. As much fun as it is for you to see his expression grow more and more fed up, you thought he’d be the point of fucking you silly by now.

“I won’t do it again,” you tell him innocently, batting your eyelashes. “I promise.”

Jack stares at you, not believing a word that comes out of your mouth. He’s stopped his movements, even drawn his fingers out of you. “You promise,” he repeats.

You hold up a hand like you’re swearing on the bible. “I promise.”

Jack bats your hand down. “This is your last chance. You do this one more time and I won’t fuck you.”

You pout at him.

“I mean it,” Jack says. He plants a quick kiss on your pout, which makes it disappear. “If you can’t keep your legs open, then you won’t get my cock at all. Act like a brat and I’ll treat you like a brat.”

“It was an accident,” you whine, using the same argument you’ve been spouting since the first time Jack told you to knock it off.

“You’ve been making the same mistake too many times for it to be an accident,” Jack chides. He pats your hip, then guides you onto your stomach. He pulls you up so that your behind meets his pelvis, then he rubs his hands over the globes of your ass. “It would be a shame to let this night go to waste, baby.”

“It’s not like I can close my legs in this position,” you say. 

“Exactly,” Jack replies with a swat. “I’m a problem-solver.”

“You’re annoying,” you grumble, mumbling into the pillow. 

You hear Jack scoff behind you. “Come again?”

“Wanna come for the first time,” you reply, glaring at him out of the side of your eyes. 

Jack pinches the sensitive skin on the back of your thigh, making you yelp. “Trying to get sassy with me?”

“Just stating the facts.”

“You’re looking to get a spanking,” Jack warns. “Is that what you want?”

You grin to yourself, making sure to hide your face from Jack. “No,” you say, not very convincingly. 

He laughs a bit. “You’re not very good at this.”

“You’re not giving me any incentive to be good.” You’re really pushing it today, but it’s all in good fun. Jack’s not going to react badly to your fighting– he never does. Sure, he’ll dom you and he’ll get pissed off, but he always reacts appropriately. He gives you your comeuppance when you deserve it.

Jack’s hand falls on your ass. It stings a bit, but you like it. You wiggle back and bury your face in the pillow, arching your back so Jack is even more enticed by the view. 

“Oh, baby, you’re getting greedy,” Jack teases. “You can’t just present yourself and expect me to fall for it. Ask me for more.”

You groan, frustrated. To be fair, you’d been denying him earlier by shuttering your legs and trapping him inside, then giggling as he admonished you, so this is completely fair for Jack. He’s allowed to tease a little and deny you.

“Fuck me?” You request sweetly, putting on a voice that Jack will fall for.

He spanks you again. “Do you deserve that?”

You roll your eyes. Annoying. “Will you put your fingers in me? Wanna be full, Jack.” 

“No, I think you’ve gotten enough of my fingers today…”

“Jack,” you complain. 

“Mhm,” Jack hums, rubbing his hands over your behind. He’s clutching at your skin, squeezing the handfuls on his palms. “Third time’s a charm?”

“Whatever you want,” you bargain. “Please. I’ll take whatever you want.”

Jack pauses, suspending your breath for a moment before he starts to touch you again. “Good,” he murmurs. He spanks you once more before pulling your hips back into his front and grinding himself against you. “Good choice.”

[lokh]

every day im reminded that though my parents may have wanted a dog they clearly did not want to take care of a dog

[swiftfootedachilles]

im just gonna be honest gang obviously its gonna be easy for you to say youre in love with a character and theyre an angel when anytime they do something you don't like you brush it off as out of character

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

Anyone else have near-perfect executive function at work; but at home, have literally no energy or motivation to do anything except lie in a dark room, with something in or on your ears for several hours?

[ashtonsunshine]

The urge to throw the work tablet against a wall is also through the stratosphere today.

The urge to tell my manager to fuck off is skyrocketing today.

[ballsballsbowls]

In case you think "best job I've ever had" means "good job," I walked through the door tonight and paused thoughtfully before I blurted out, in response to asking how my day was:

"I'm seriously considering running away and digging ditches for a living. Operating a forklift. Joining the circus. Anything to never speak to the people I am providing services for again."

[lesbiansanemi]

I am so fucking sick of living with my roommate and his fuck ass boyfriend. Also watching my roommate burn every single one of his (already rather minimal, I might add) bridges for this guy is also kind of painful but also his relationship with me is one of said bridges so I'm almost past the point of even feeling bad for him lmao

[uncaught-coolfish]

thank fuck I didn’t end up in the “willingly accepts the copaganda of rwby because the fake catgirl told me to do it” club because each and every time some new person tries to stand up and preach to the world “the writers writing an organization of in universe minorities, led by a fridged desi woman, with members including an indigenous girl, two middle eastern-coded twins, and a jewish named ex slave with the initials of a german named company branded into his eye, thats ackshully ☝️🤓 just an evil bunch of reverse-racist TERRORIST ABUSERS who are ON THE LEVEL OF if not WORSE the racists OPPRESSING AND ENSLAVING THEM…… is actually good and subversive writing” I want to throw a cinder block at something I am so serious

[vanweezer]

very very personal, just insight into where im at w my family and things that bother me/have encouraged me to move out

"i know youre moving out so im just gonna say no ones kicking you out and if you feel like this is something you have to do then ok"

thanks! i know im not being kicked out! but yknow i kinda yet a weird vibe when your out of touch husband takes me to a cemetery to yell at me, tell me im just like my father/dont give my father "the time of day", and that im "mean to people who care about me" in front of his dead mother's grave in a poor attempt at guilting me out of speaking my mind. but no yeah thanks for stating the fucking obvious that im leaving on my own terms

[famewolf]

I'm gonna be a little quiet on here until after I start playing Dragon Age. I don't want to be spoiled and the urge to click on posts that have DA tags blacklisted is mounting. And just like with Inquisition, I want to go in totally blind.

[tagapagsalaysay]

I didnt participate much in the up burgis discourse because its already hard to exist and i am a normal person and im sure im also petit burgeois and also bait used to be believable. Regardless: the burgis in up are of another level of kuripot. while also looking at resales of luxury brands during class. lets be real here

[tardis--dreams]

I actually realized i hate work. Won't be putting any effort into this anymore ♡

[medicinemane]

Mike johnson has so god damn much blood on his hands, obviously Ukrainian blood, but also plenty of American blood

Refusing to renew something that helps vets exposed to atomic blast and Americans who were downwind of the fall out... it's just sick. I can't fucking stand mike johnson, he's one of the worst scum to ever be in congress, and that's fucking saying something

"Johnson refused to allow House members to vote on bipartisan legislation to renew and improve the program"

Fucking quivering little pimple seems to have a real MO for just wringing his hands while insisting it's not his fault, he just can't do the one fucking part of his job of putting shit up to a vote... oh boo hoo, so sad, he'll just have to unilaterally let funding expire on things instead of literally just putting it up to our elected representatives to see if they want to vote yay or nay

Single handedly make the choices but it's not his fault when they work out how they do

Murderer

[drysauce]

truly a blessing that im not home right now or i don't what i'd do to my roommate. fucking audacity