#it misses a couple details but the gist is there

[claire-starsword]

More retranslations of the first game and this one somehow doesn't destroy any big plot points for once. It does have this gem, though:

[lightofraye]

Food For Thought

Fear not, I am still working on the next review of Wales Comic Con. I'm wishing there were close-ups of the convention so I could have a better look of faces, but it may have to be what it is.

But that's not what this post is about.

AustinCon--SPNAustin/SPNAus/Whatever the acronym--is already starting and we've heard and seen some rather inappropriate commentary from Kim and Briana (dear gods, please, develop some class!), Matt Cohen... being peculiar... a group karaoke that largely consisted of the "extras" (as they're often called), and the BBQ with Jensen and Steve (aka Radio Company).

It's been a trip watching the photos and commentary by fans. Or stans. Or is it both?

Of course, I didn't forget Jared and his book event with Genevieve (well, her book event). They were cute together! I keep forgetting just how freaking tall he is until I saw that full length photo and just stared. I'm above average for a woman myself--5'9"--and something tells me he'd give me a crick in my neck just to talk to him.

Out of all of that, the one that disappointed me a bit was hearing the BBQ with Radio Company lasted only an hour. For more than $300, I'd expect it to last at least a couple of hours.

Not for the first time, I wonder about the financial problems that may or may not be plaguing the Ackles. There's a lot of things not adding up and the BBQ event was a "last minute" addition (like just a month ago). Unfortunately, it's all speculation and I have so many theories spinning through my mind. Pieces of a whole, missing key points that may never be answered.

However, as I've been musing, I recalled a conversation with a follower. A quick message, a comment. They mentioned a recent Meet and Greet with Jensen. Of course, with the Non-Disclosure Agreement, they couldn't go into details. But could, at least, give me a general gist:

"In a recent meet and greet, Jensen shared information that convinced me that he is home often. Little things, but also one main piece unrelated to kids or wife that proved he spends significant amount of time at home."

This may be true. The mansion has three floors plus a basement. It's certainly huge enough that he could quite literally have a whole wing to himself, an aspect of separation without the legalese involved. The blueprints of the mansion showed it was entirely possible.

But... it still niggled at me.

In discussing it with a few others, one person chimed in. "That basement is large enough to fit a bedroom, office, gym, and so much more!"

And it hit me.

They had the equipment of a gym back in Austin, when Jensen was trying to bulk up for Soldier Boy back then for Season 3 of The Boys. We saw the videos, the photos. I imagine they moved the equipment with them. So why did we see several photos of Jensen at an outside gym?

It's not for a trainer, though the exclusive gym he went to could've provided one. Or, with his money, he could hire a private one to attend to him at the mansion!

So why outside the mansion?

The answer is altogether too heartbreaking: he can't abide to be at home.

It's safer, and healthier, to be away.

Then I remembered a discussion I had with one of my... I'll call them 'industry experts'. Meet and Greets are where actors 'test' stories, see how they land and then use the 'successful' stories in later conventions. With the NDAs, fans wouldn't be able to say anything without risking a lawsuit, expensive ones at that.

It'd certainly explain the weird shifting of stories that don't always ring true or change too fast. Like when he was in Rome, Jensen said Danneel liked cooking Italian food. Later, in France, it was French food and French music. How many fans would listen to every single one of those conventions and match stories? Or even care that it changed too much, too fast, and with gaping holes that felt awkward?

Pieces of a whole. Generic stories, nothing specific. Not of Danneel asking him to try something new that tasted incredible. Or a burnt food accident that smoked out their kitchen. Or the kids enjoying one of the songs.

Get what I mean?

The pieces don't fit. He says one thing here, another thing there, and it doesn't match.

If he's still persistently trying to build the Family Man Image... if Gersh has someone monitoring keywords (GERSH! GERSH! GERSH! Does it work like Beetlejuice?), I'd advise them to tell Jensen to stop. It's not working. Maybe for a small section of a dying fandom (oh god, please don't kill me), but for the rest? We're not buying it.

And for his mental and emotional--and hell, physical!--health, I'd say he should try to go for the divorced dad image.

Lots of things stirring in my mind. Far too much.

This week was hard. Seeing the ongoing put down from people who don't understand the mindset of someone in the middle of abuse, the insults, the demeaning comments ("weak", "pussy", "not a man", and so forth) really got to me. Broke my heart.

Then there's the controversy surrounding the movie, "It Ends With Us", and the inaccuracy of the ending that had me headdesking repeatedly.

It seemed the theme of the week is Domestic Violence.

For survivors, who got away. For the victims, who are still trapped. For those who think it's normal, because they don't know any better (yes, this is a thing; if a person's baseline is well below what should be considered okay, what makes you think they'd know differently?).

It's emotionally draining. It's exhausting.

But every so often I get a message of support, of people who are grateful for me speaking out.

And then there's my son, who I am desperate to keep safe.

Breaking of cycles have to begin somewhere.

Let it start with me.

[jennbunni]

hmm the last few days I was thinking of a new au thats kinda inspired by the classic “soulmates see in black and white until they see each other for the first time” type au, but trolls 🤔 Granted I’m using the term “soulmate” kinda loosely here, more like “destined relationship”, but soulmate has that extra oomph to it yea?

I don’t have time to draw anything for it right now but here’s the gist:

all trolls are born/hatched grey (very low saturation of color), each time they sing and their voice harmonizes with their soulmate they gain saturation, a little at a time

some trolls can gain color when they sing solo; most, if not all trolls will have multiple soulmates they can harmonize with to gain color (romantic and/or platonic)

strong family bonds can also work (the perfect family harmony is particularly powerful) so dont worry about trollings, they babble along to their parent’s songs and theyre set until they learn to sing properly

the “morning song” in pop village is a tradition to help keep all trolls as vibrant as possible, since many will harmonize at once

in general, the brighter the saturation, the better the overall health and vigor of the troll

if a troll has yet to harmonize with all their soulmates, there will always be a certain degree of desaturation and they can tell they’re not 100%. The norm for saturation is about 75-95%, either the unknown soulmates are assumed to be from an estranged pop village or lost from the time in the Troll Tree (they don’t know about the other troll tribes yet)

“going grey” can still happen, and if it happens to an already grey troll (one that never or hardly harmonized), they can start to lose even the grey hue and turn pale/white and sickly

other troll tribes like the rock trolls can have a naturally low saturation even at 100%, the gradient is just more subtle

Anyway, for many years Poppy tried her best to harmonize with as many trolls as she could but never quite reached full saturation. Even harmonizing with her best friends could only do so much. After some time she started to come to terms with the fact she may never find her missing soulmate, however some part of her always held on to that hope. Branch has been grey for many years at this point, so long now he’s starting to fade to white. Going so long without singing, let alone harmonizing with anyone, on top of his mission to build and maintain the bunker took a lot out of him and left him grumpy, short-tempered, and tired, so so tired. Most of the first movie’s events happen in parallel to the og.

Fast forward to the True Colors scene, all of the trolls have turned grey, including Poppy. She and Branch harmonize during the song and not only does Poppy regain the color she just lost, but she’s brighter overall. Along with Branch, who is now the loveliest shades of light blue and indigo (he doesn’t regain his full saturation right away, that will take time and a couple more harmonies to restore).

I like to think that Poppy and Bridget’s friendship also gained Poppy some color since they’re practically sisters, but bergans aren’t affected the same way so even though there’s no difference to her, she’s still honored.

will try to draw some for this later but had to get the details down so I don’t forget

[ryuusei-ryka]

I emerge from my grave to post a theory about MILGRAM

Hello hello everyone! I don't know how many of you will see this post due to my avoidance of social media these past years and thus my absolute ignorance about every possible change in this site.

ANYHOW let's get down to business.

I am going to write this post because I made my boyfriend (who does not use tumblr) catch up to MILGRAM's second trial and while I was teaching him about some fan theories he said something that I'm not sure I'll believe, but BOY isn't that interesting. So I thought it would be cool to share with other people and hear their thoughts.

Now, as the cool kids say, theory under the cut (?).

A necessary premise to do is that this theory is built on another one (that I can't find so please if you happen to have the link to the post, give it to me so that I can put it here!) that says Kotoko's murder is actually an indirect one.

If I recall correctly without missing anything important, this thesis exists due to Deep Cover being so vague about the murder and on a specific official picture, this one:

We can clearly see Haruka, Muu, Shido, Amane and Mikoto on one side and Yuno, Fuuta, Mahiru, Kazui and Kotoko on the other. Being that the first column murders are all direct (choking, cutterknife in the gut, dissection, crashing head with a mace/bat) and the second one's are all indirect (abortion, cyberbullying, toxic love, miscommunication), Kotoko being there could imply that hers too is an indirect murder.

I'm not fond on this theory tbh (just based on my guts and my perception of the girl), especially because here they're all just arranged to make a "snake" following their numbers (Haruka on the bottom left -> Yuno on the bottom right -> Fuuta besides her higher on the right -> back on the left side with Muu -> up left with Shidou... and so on, I hope the gist's clear skfvnfk). Surely there is a reason behind the "snake" arrangement given how MILGRAM is so keen on hidden details, but the direct/indirect murder thing? Not my two cents (but it'd be super cool to be proven wrong of course).

Another thing worth mentioning for the sake of this post is the very first (?) theory about MILGRAM, aka Es as the 11th prisoner. I don't want to be negative, but I'm not fond on this one either- that's just because it would be so predictable that, eh, it'd make me a bit sad.

SO, all this premise is to get to THIS POST's theory.

What if the real prison pairs are 0102, 0304, 0506, 0708, 0909 and 1011? Let me elaborate a bit.

Every couple from 0102 to 0708 has allegedly (MILGRAM may prove everything wrong of course) one indirect and one direct murder, fact. At the same time we all know that prisoner 09 is a system, so there are at least two people in there, one being "clueless" Mikoto, one being "violent" John (I'm putting it simply, I'm not symplifying everything due to disrespect, I swear).

So, theory is: what if Mikoto's system represents both direct and indirect murder, while Kotoko represents direct murder because Es (aka we) represesents the indirect one?

I've seen a theory stating that the real prisoner in Milgram is not Mikoto, not John (as we have seen in their first VD), but it's actually Midokoto (not elaborating because I'm pretty sure you're all aware of the threekoto theory). That'd be because even if John may be the one doing the killing (not considering it may very well be Mikoto himself tbf), Midokoto most likely is the gatekeeper of the system. That means HE is the one in charge of deciding the alter that fronts, thus letting John/Mikoto swap and, well, crash someone's head with a bat. Knowing Milgram as far as we've seen it, it's not absurd that it would consider Midokoto the "mastermind" of the action, having then the "culprit" of indirect murder and the one that phisically did it both in one body.

So then, Kotoko is very likely (at least in my opinion) to have killed in a very phisical way as well. We still don't really know her story nor her victim but, assuming it's not the CEO son she reads about nor the guy we see on the floor both in HARROW and Deep Cover, vigilantes usually take very direct actions as far as I know. It's easy for someone so blinded by their belief to take a step further and, well, overstep.

Es, on the other hand, is the guard of Milgram, but it's pristine they know... as much as the prisoners, basically? They hear Jackalope and all, yeah, but... they're still part of the experiment/whatever it is (so maybe this theory may work even if Es is not the 11th prisoner, as long as they're part of the experiment). The first trial ended substantially well if we think that everyone survived, but we know nothing about what will happen now that the second one has ended. Probably (hopefully) Kotoko won't be able to lash on the unforgiven prisoners, but what if Haruka manages to k*ll himself? That'd be a death "caused" by Es judgement... fulfilling the indirect murder requirement [and making everyone who ever voted a ~ murderer ~ (to Milgram's eyes, ofc)].

I don't know if any of this is plausible nor anything about Kotoko's murder, so it may very well be just something silly... but I thought it was super interesting, so I wanted to share it!

Feel free to reply/write to me to share your opinion!

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

how can someone learn more league lore?? i’ve only watched arcane and have 0 interest in playing the actual game (sorry) but i saw something about katarina and garen and i really want to read their story!!! i read the webtoon already but i need more 😞 do you know where to find canon lore outside of the game?

ok so

You probably know the general gist of Garen/Katarina at the moment. There was a film project Riot shelved called 'Enemy of my Enemy' that was supposed to be about them - it is probably going to be refinished into the next animated series since Arcane was so successful.

I'm aware you're not interested in playing League of Legends (can't blame you) but next year, in-game, they are splitting up the year into thirds and each third of the year will focus on a different region - the first being Noxus. So, it's my belief they will expand on Noxus lore and champions.

I predict Demacia will follow but they have not given any confirmation. Demacia and Noxus have been at war since forever so it makes sense for Demacia to follow? But Noxus picks fights with everybody lol so who knows.

(In case others are reading this, Garen and Katarina are from Demacia and Noxus, respectively. They basically have Romeo-and-Juliet love but they're adults and their regions are constantly at literal war but they're secretly dating on the side, lol.)

If you are interested in League of Legends lore, there is a website where you can read about the champions and official short stories, however! It is difficult to navigate. Much of it is sorted by date, which doesn't help new people if they don't know the champions or the regions they are from.

However, Garen/Kat interactions in-game are what give their love story away, as well as their interactions in Legends of Runeterra, a card game Riot has released, where Garen/Kat do a horrible job of hiding that they're dating (Katarina: "I will slay you where you stand! Dinner, tonight?" >> Garen: "You shall fall on your folly! Meet me at the south docks after dark."). I have not played this card game but it gives a lot of insight into the lore. I understand it's very overwhelming though since LoL has so many champions now and they are all interconnected. But if you're not looking to play the MOBA, there's LoR the card game, Teamfight Tactics (TFT) the auto chess game, and the mobile version of LoL Wild Rift. I'm not suggesting you play any of the games but rather that these games have a lot of quotes and written details that give insight to the lore of the champions. LoR being the top one for the most up-to-date lore info.

If you would like a list of canon League of Legends couples:

Rakan and Xayah (lovers, Rakan short story, Xayah short story)

Lucian and Senna (they are husband and wife, lots of individual lore but have two stories together: this one and that one)

Leona and Diana (their love story)

Twisted Fate and Graves (their short story)

Ashe and Tryndamere (political marriage, leaders of their tribes of The Freljord, they eventually fall in love over time but there is no specific story other than Tryndamere's where Ashe is already his wife, Ashe's updated voice lines call him "my love" but Tryndamere needs a voice update... badly lol)

Nidalee and Neeko (note: Neeko is non-binary, they have a song, they are not quite a couple as they parted to explore on their own but they do explicitly mention they love/miss each other when they encounter each other in-game)

Their are other characters in game who have "crushes" but they aren't couples. For example, Ambessa has a special voice line for her type (Akshan, Aphelios, Ezreal, Hwei, Illaoi, Rakan, Shyvana): "I could use a massage. Tell me... Are you good with your hands?" XD

[icecoldwilliams]

𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐓 ( 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐋: 𝑫𝑬𝑽𝑰𝑳 𝑵𝑰𝑵𝑨 ) | ✲・*:✲・*:･･

As per the poll over on my hub (months ago, everyone say thanks life!), also bc my girls been through enough let her be unhinged : For more info on this verse, see: 𝟏, 𝟐, 𝟑

❄️ - Goes without saying, Nina wasn't naturally born with the devil gene like Kazuya, Jin, and presumably Kazumi. Her DNA was biologically altered to converge with Ogre's, so technically she contains a mutated and imperfect form of the devil gene. (For new lovelies, this verse is based off the old fandom belief that Ogre was the og origin of the gene & the theory that Heihachi spliced Nina's blood w Ogre's during her cryosleep) Bc of this, and oversight on those responsible for Heihachi's experiments part, her body isn't naturally accustomed to it's effects, let alone built to handle them. It's likely each full on devil episode she has takes a tremendous toll on her body and overall health. To what extent however, remains unknown. Due in part to her own stubborn insistence on hiding and pushing through any pain she goes through to the best of her ability, and also in part to how Nina rarely experiences her devil transformation in it's full capacity (y'know, with the wings and the horns and all that good stuff).

❄️ - Bc I'm a sucker for symbolism, Nina's devil form design contains a few hints towards her connection with Ogre. First and most noticeably the markings on her skin - this was not intended to match Devil Jin's design, but actually Ogre's newer Tekken mobile design ( which... tbh I like better than the jolly green giant I'm sorry not sorry 🙏). Hence why she's more covered in them than Jin. — Her sclera turning black upon transforming is another similarity she shares with Ogre as well, to name a couple.

❄️- Oh you know her devil concerns were a big part of why she agreed to help Jin in T6 in this verse. Not just in regards to her devil, but lowkey also bc... if the experiments done on her in regards to the super soldier project are what resulted in her mutated devil gene... you know who else likely has it 😔 She's full on team this gene needs to be exterminated, no matter what. (Not that that can't change per plot of course)

❄️ - Devil Nina probably has an affinity with snakes, bc of the whole.. snake arm thing Ogre had going on. – Yeah she can't do that. But she probably thinks they're pretty neat.

❄️ - No Nina does not remember what happens when her devil takes over. But she is smart enough to surmise the gist of what occurred and realign the jumbled broken pieces of memory and reality. She's grown accustomed to that over the years unfortunately.

❄️ - Devil Nina on the other hand recalls all. Just as she thrives on the emotions Nina's buried over the years, she thrives off of the buried memories tied to them as well. While Nina still struggles to remember parts of her past, you might find that her devil remembers some missing subconsciously buried pieces down to the finest details. And she'd probably love to chat about them too whenever she's in a good mood. Just makes the emotions keeping her around stronger, right? 🤷‍♀️

❄️ - Finally not official per-say, but a thought I've considered: Devil Nina may have her own version of Nina's evil mist attack, only the secret to hers doesn't lie in dissolvable capsules. Since she consumes souls like Ogre, her digestive system obviously isn't... normal. It could be possible it can somehow convert remnants of the souls she consumes into a poisonous vapor? (Still iffy on the idea, but throwing it out there anyway, let me know what you think?)

[monstrousdesirestudy]

saw your post about wanting to enjoy gideon the ninth and wanted to say -- if you don't mind the narrator doing voices to distinguish the large cast of characters, the audiobook might be the way to go. it's definitely the type of book that's very hit-or-miss for many readers, and it might just not work for you, but as someone who also hates the excessively quippy marvel humor i think a combination of the audio narrator and being in the right mindset let me enjoy the story.

the nature of the audio format means you breeze through a lot of the prose and humor that seems to be pulling you out of the story, and it's easier to focus on enjoying the spooky murder-mystery vibes and trope-y indulgence. also saves you from getting too caught up on understanding everything. getting all the details isn't necessarily all that important the first go around and, as other people said, some things (like the murderer's motivations) can't be fully understood until later books anyway. as long as you remember a couple of major characters and the gist of the fascist regime's operation in the solar system, you can just let it play out.

I’m a difficult person I think because I have a hard time with audiobooks—if I don’t like the voice actor then I can’t stick with it. But I am willing to give it a shot because maybe I won’t mind it and having it read to me will get me out of my own head 🤷🏻

[daeificatio]

echo

tw: dissociation

It was almost like a bad dream. 

Not that things had ever been easy for them ever since they set sail towards this land, but it was manageable. Some of the townspeople weren’t exactly welcoming, but they were just figuring out how to deal with them and how to survive in this little coastal town. Perhaps just a little more and they would’ve gotten the gist of it- but it was as if this world were against their very presence.

The town was attacked by an army during nightfall. Spawns of the mission they came to deal with- men clad in dark armor destroying houses and tearing children away from their parents’ arms. The town was engulfed in fire and chaos- and Byleth couldn’t move.

He watched. Watched as most of his companions rushed in to try to fight back and protect the homes while others decided to hide and protect themselves, but Byleth did neither. Byleth stood there, among ash and torn families, his body barely allowing him to take a couple of steps. The best he could do was reach a nearby house and stand by it in an attempt to guard it- but it was useless as the army was still too far from where he stood.

Why? Why won’t his body move? Why does it feel so heavy and sluggish?

And the worst part- why doesn’t it disturb him?

It wasn’t that he was pleased or indifferent to the situation. He knew it was horrible and that it needed to be dealt with urgently, but somehow further emotions just didn’t take over his mind and body. With no heart to beat in his chest, Byleth didn’t know anxiety. 

As he stood by the house’s door, unarmed and almost paralyzed, he tried reasoning with himself and Sothis on what was going wrong- but the girl didn’t reply to his call. He couldn’t envision her figure in his mind that well, nor hear her voice. She was still there, that much he could feel, but she wasn’t quite there, with him. There was only a single sensation he could tell from her now diminute presence in his mind.

A haunting familiarity. 

The sensation that this has happened before- perhaps not before his eyes, but her own. The details however were far too scrambled and vague for Byleth to comprehend- all he knew was that the sight of houses consumed by flames, slain families and children being taken away haunted Sothis in some way, and well, him as well.

He felt useless as he watched his companions fight, but at the same time his mind felt as if it were stuck in some thick mud. His breathing was labored for no reason, his body frozen in place, his hands clammy under his gloves and the silence in his mind, both from himself and Sothis, almost disorienting him. And it continued that way until everything became extremely fast paced.

The sight of familiar silhouettes- his companions running into the forest to escape, but not all of them. Looking back only to see the unconscious figures of their now lost friends being taken away, angered and grieving townspeople chasing them out with pitchforks and fire.

There was no thunder in his chest, no eruption of fear or rage, no shiver of fear. Nothing. Byleth wasn’t even tired once they slowed down and made plans to try to rescue their missing teammates. Much like how his entire life was spent, Byleth felt disconnected from everything going on around him and he didn’t know how to get back to it- he could only act normal, and shift his focus to the matter at hand even though his heart, or whatever he had in the cavity of his chest, was somewhere else alongside his mind.

Sothis did return after a while, though.

And when she did, came the realization- that now, he truly felt like some feared, hated creature.

[melonnade]

OC-TOBER #1 - fave oc

Gosh, I could talk for so long about this haha. I think I’m going to try to dump some lore with every OC-tober post, since I don’t think I talk about them very often.

Currently, like right now, I’d say my favorite OC is probably Xiang Wanyi? I feel like after reading all the mxtx books and Clear and Muddy Loss of Love, I’ve really been on a xianxia/wuxia kick lately and this choice reflects that. For a long time, my favorite was Haneul and it’ll probably go back to being Haneul in a couple months since my taste in OCs always seems to come back to morally-ambiguous women, but XWY has just been so fun to think about. I’ll throw in a quick sketch and then add more info under the cut!

The whole OC creation journey for XWY has been really fun for me because the entire thought process has been like, “haha, wouldn’t it be fucked up if [x] happened?” And then I just kept adding stuff. I think making OCs is a lot funner when you just let yourself be cringe—this guy has probably the most tragic backstory of all my OCs.

The base concept of XWY is that he’s not the real XWY—he’s an orphan kid who accidentally murdered a man who was unfortunately very important. Luckily for him, the guy has no close relations and will not be missed. Unluckily for him, if anyone finds out that the guy is dead, he will undoubtedly be tracked down and executed. So the solution is to impersonate him!

This was kind of supposed to be a comedy at first, where XWY runs into people who should’ve been familiar with the real XWY, and has to improv to try to stay in character. But over time, he’s gotten so used to pretending to be someone else that he feels more like XWY than who he used to be.

Before the main storyline even starts, XWY gets a found family, loses them, and is betrayed by a parental figure. And yet despite this, out of my ‘main’ OCs, he has the most positive outlook on life. To him, if you have the opportunity to help someone, it is always worthwhile to do it, no matter who it is. Futile or not, fleeting or not, those brief moments of happiness matter. He doesn’t hold grudges—you only have one life, after all, so why spend it remembering things like that? It’s because his backstory is so tragic that he’s able to smile so freely. He’s living on borrowed time and it’s only luck keeping him from being discovered, so he wants to live his life the best he can before it all comes to a close. I think this makes him super fun for me because that’s not a mentality I tend to explore a lot with my OCs. A lot of them are more practical and realistic. Haneul, for example, has probably the most similar upbringing, but she has a really nihilistic, self-destructive outlook. He’s like a fresh breath of air, and he’s got probably the most interesting relationships out of all the other OCs I’ve made for this particular universe.

I might end up going into greater detail about his backstory and how exactly he ended up in this position in the future, but that’s the gist of him for now. I think the crux of the favoritism just comes from how it’s really enjoyable to allow yourself to just do whatever! He’s the result of that, and also his design is just really fun to draw.

[house-of-secrets]

Yikes! It's been a hot sec since I wrote or posted anything here or on AO3 (etc). Sorry to go radio silent on you all. I've been kinda lurking on and off but things have just been a bit too much for me to participate in this lovely community. I love you all though and want to let you all know that I am starting to find my way back to you 🌺💙.

(More under the cut, but that's the gist of it 🥰 ^)

I won't go into too much detail, but I've been going through some pretty serious personal issues since October. Things reached a horrible boiling point and bubbled over about a month ago resulting in me quitting my job. As I'm sure you've seen across social media (my American mutuals) the American Education System is in serious crisis and unfortunately my specific work environment was so toxic that I had to quit doing what I loved, teaching 😞.

Of course there were other factors too, family drama and a new mental health diagnosis. Apparently going from feeling like you can barely move to wanting to fight God isn't normal 😂? So now I have a brand new and shiny diagnosis of bipolar disorder! That paired with my PTSD has made life a bit of a struggle for me these last couple months.

I am so thankful for the wonders of modern medicine. I seem to have finally found a mood stabilizer that works! So life should hopefully be getting back to a relative state of calm.

All of this is to say: You all should be "seeing" more of me as I return to the fandom space. I have missed you all and I look forward to geeking out with you all over our favorite show together again!

If you have read this far I am so grateful and hope that you all have an amazing day. Sending you peace and positive vibes - xo Evie 🌺

[rakka-kasahara]

2024-10-19

Dream:

Had a couple. There are some details I am sure I am missing, but I remember the gist of it. In the first one, I am in college but am moving rooms. These rooms are more like apartments than the cramped closets you would expect. So, I am in my new room when some big ol' dude just saunters in. I tell him to leave, and he isn't really listening to me. So, I get my Taurus Judge revolver, but he still isn't intimidated. So, I load four of the five chambers with shot shells and shoot him. He is built like a tank, and it doesn't really phase him. I reload with some .45 caliber bullets. I don't remember if I shot him again. My boss from when I was an RA in the dorms appear, and I start blaming her for this. Then, I wake up.

The second dream is a little disjointed. I think I was taking an ASMR class at college, and we had a few assignments, one of which I think was an imouto ASMR? I am in some meeting room at first reading through the assignment, but I transition to my office cubicle to start. I am looking for art or ideas online, but I keep getting a lot of questionable anime girl pictures no matter what I search. I start getting worried that someone might see, so I push my monitors together. Eventually, I am back at my parent's house with one of my brothers, and I am still trying to find assets for the assignment. Things are a little unclear after this, but I think I went outside to hang my stockings to dry on a plastic bench, for some reason. My alarm went off at this point, and my 15 year old alarm clock was acting up and went off again after I turned it off. As such, I was a little fuzzled and forgot some stuff.

Analysis:

For the first one, I was an RA in the dorms for three years. Graduated debt free because of it. However, the last year was pretty bad due to poor leadership that refused to punish students for misbehaving, and I ended up having to move rooms due to harassment. I own a Judge revolver, so that is why that appeared.

For the second one, well, I am addicted to ASMR. I really want to start my own ASMR channel, but I think my voice is a little gross, so I have been working on that. Want to do roleplays, though probably not imouto stuff unless I tag it as F4F since some people make gross imouto stuff for dudes. Might just not call it "imouto" and call it "little sister" or "sister" instead to avoid any gross connotations.

[winter-spark]

Me w/ Orange & Navel:

(So that poll I did, ⅔ of you who voted were uninterested in seeing my Sims designs for them & like I was struggling w/ their outfits anyway & I flipped 3 coins to decide if I should post them anyway & that went like:

>Should I post my Orange & Navel Sim designs? •No >Like ever? •Yes >For clarification, should I post them later(rather than today)? •No

So. I guess I won't be posting them but let me share the important details of their designs. And then if you like them maybe you can draw them yourself. (If you do feel free to at me or send it to me or whatever, I will reblog.)

For starters, I thought it'd be neat if the Princes were a gradient so From Citron to Tangerine they get more blonde. (So they're not as blond as Tangerine but more blond than Citron, & Navel is more blond than Orange.) I do also imagine their hair a bit on the longish side like Citron & Tangerine, possibly longer but *shrugs*.

Orange:

(Again I was more confident for black!Orange's hair than notblack!Orange but I'm gonna do my best to get the gist down.) I think Orange has a very pulled-back hairstyle, like one where his hair is generally out of his way. While playing around with hairstyles I did sorta prefer the bang ponytails to the non-bangs ponytail but they didn't swoop the right way & because this was the Sims 4 I didn't have the flip bangs option(how I miss that option). (But it's not mandatory for him to have bangs because when I started thinking about him as black it was never a thing, the hair being out of the way thing tho yes, which is what affected my current mental concept for him) So anyway yea, hair pulled back, completely out of the way, probably low hanging or just directly back.

Then we have his face... I had drawn him before attempting shape language but like that's different from the style of the game so I'm gonna ignore some stuff... erm. Oh! He has glasses, at least I'm pretty convinced of him having glasses (but I do forget sometimes lol) they're boxy/rectangle or something. Then I did come up w/ moles for him if he had them and thats one at the inner end of his right(our left) eyebrow & one on his left(our right) cheek.

Then a note I have down for him as a possible hobby(I was trying a character design thing) is accessorizing. And like there was this one hairstyle I gave him at least for formal wear in the Sims because (w/out remembering my not) I thought the bun/beehive type thing a jeweled up felt like something I can see for him. I mean he's royalty and kinda... ya know? I think accessorizing fits him. So in that I think a couple of necklaces are good at least that's how I drew him, I also like to believe he has a long/dangle earring. I can't decide if it gets added after he starts studying abroad or if it's always been there but it's either an owl or a cherry blossom. Owl because I know in my soul he's a fan of owls, cherry blossom because he's wanted to see them and they're pretty and yea words. (tho looking back at my notes/explanations seems I was leaning more towards the owl, thus probably the idea that he'd always had it,) Only problem is should it become stud earrings or at least be a pair, in my initial design he didn't have his hair pulled back so his hair covered one of his ears, and the other ear had this dangle earring but would it look weird if it's just one ear? I don't know.

I think that's eveything besides clothes. I have thoughts. I'm not sharing them.

Navel:

Navel has a high ponytail (black or not lol), held up by a (probably gold colored but maybe silver) ponytail cuff with a star/star design on it. Bangs? Yes, definitely but they swoop to either side and don't cover his eyebrows... Well I mean I guess they could get close but it's debatable. He has glasses that lean on the more round side and a gap between his front teeth. Also he wears a choker that likely has a silver(maybe gold) little circle tag thing on the front.

At least that's how I see him. And I won't say much about his clothes, but I'd really like if he had a collar like almost like a popped collar but not, it just stands up like making a cylinder ya know? Idk if that makes sense but yea. Those are the important details I suppose.

I know that was a lot more solid thus a lot less worlds than Orange's category but like I do actually like my initial design for him more than my Orange design. Not that I dislike dislike my Orange design just it doesn't stick with my brain when I try to picture him, so it's definitely off in some regard.

(Note: I didn't delete my inital designs & outfit "moodboards" for them so if you wanted to see those designs feel free to check my blog. Check the tag "Character Design" or "not my characters". I have them posted twice because I did mean to delete the first time I posted them but like I forgot/am lazy. Also the posts themselves are riddled with the fact that I'm lazy, and I don't feel like editing them so they're just gonna have to be like that. Hence why I'm not linking them, I have no problem with you going to look at them but I'm not like proud of how I did the reposts of them so I'm not gonna link them.)

Anyway thanks for reading to the end lol, I appreciate you.

[chemdisaster]

No way. 

No. Fucking. Way. 

In what could only be described as complete and utter shock, you stare at the screen of your laptop, a single Discord message staring back at you. "Would you like to join Hermitcraft Season 10?" it reads, followed by a couple of details and an apology for it coming on such late notice—5 minutes before everyone's supposed to start recording, to be precise. 

You don't question how Xisumavoid got ahold of your Discord handle. How he even became aware of your existence in the first place. 

Still numb with shock, you look over at your mouse, wire taped together where your cat decided to chew on it. At your shitty keyboard with the Sprite stains and your old laptop that's definitely seen better days.

All at once, it hits you. 

You're not a YouTuber—you're not even that good at playing Minecraft, for god's sake. You don't even have a screen. You don't know how to build, or improv, or record or edit videos, or stream, or the millions of other things you'll surely be asked to do. 

At least your setup is probably still somehow better than Ethoslab's. You'll take what comfort you can get. 

Still, point is—you don't know how to do anything, and now you're being asked to join what is maybe one of the most popular Minecraft SMPs, one you've absolutely adored for years of your life. 

It sounds like a dream come true. 

It feels a bit like a death sentence. 

Sighing, you run your hands down your face. You'll have to make a decision, you know, and you'll have to make it in—you look at the top right corner of your screen—1 minute, you've wasted 4 precious minutes of your time wallowing in your panic. And now you have to give a reply and fast, or else you'll keep everyone waiting and—

You pause. You think of all the build-up to this season. You think of the hermits having to announce that oh, you thought there was going to be two new hermits? Well sike, one of them turned out to be too much of a little bitch to join. You think of the disappointment, the backlash they'll surely face. 

You download all the required mods and texture packs. 

You copy the server IP. 

You paste it into the box. 

You click "Join Server".

All at once, your headphones erupt in a cacophony of noise. Everyone's already there, it seems, and they're all very excited to see you. You don't know how any of these people know who you are, but their voices overlay each other as they greet you, and you let yourself get caught up in it all. 

It's nice. Beyond the near-paralysing panic, you have to admit that it feels a bit like coming home. 

You look over to your side and almost have your second anxiety attack of the day. Skizzleman is standing right there—and oh, your friends are gonna go insane—you're going insane—

You unmute yourself and manage to squeak out a hello. It's enough, and you find yourself almost blending in as all the other hermits make the necessary introductions. It feels natural. It feels like you. 

You miss a few important details, to be sure, but you get the gist of it as everyone begins to disperse to punch wood. This is real. This is real. You're actually here, you're on Hermitcraft—

"Hey," Skizzleman's voice appears behind you. You scramble to turn around. "We can do this, yeah?" he says. "You're new, I'm new—now I don't know about you, but I'm here to have fun."

It takes you a second to remember that you're supposed to reply. 

"Yeah, I—yeah."

It's still the squeaky voice from before. Fingers still trembling too much to press the keys, you mute yourself and take a deep breath.

This has to be the scariest day of your life. 

You can do this.

self insert fanfiction/stress nightmare of y/n being asked to join hermitcraft season 10 last minute . you dont know how to build. or improv. or record or edit videos. or stream. and right by your side is skizzleman,

[nekomancerx666]

Dear Therapy.

So, I'm not sure what's going on with my therapist. But I have some thoughts. I started seeing this therapist a couple months ago. He's okay, not the best. I don't think he really gets what I'm talking about but sometimes he's got some good advice so whatever. I just need someone to talk to... even if I do have to pay them to do it. But about 4 weeks ago, I had a session that was a bit different. I had dropped my mask while I explained every single thing that was wrong with me and how much it needs to Stop. I didn't even look at him on the screen as I talked because I was fighting tears the entire time. This man has never seen me cry or even look slightly distressed. I don't think he got the full gist of what I was going through until that point. I never seen him take so many notes before. He says he's gonna send me some forms. Basically a questionnaire to highlight some of the pain points in my past and find how what exactly I wanna work on and just get a better detailed picture of my trauma. Which I agreed to. Nothing too detailed, it was just going down a list and picking from a list of options... and I selected most of them. I need A LOT of work. So I wait for next week, when we will be going over what I put down. But that week he doesn't show up to the session. So I send an email, maybe he's sick or something and needs to reschedule. It takes a couple days but he replies that he fell down some stairs. He's an older man, so it's totally understandable. I tell him not to worry about it, and to get better. He says he'll be back in the office on Friday. Friday rolls around. I don't hear from him. So I reach out again, saying I didn't receive a chat invite and wanted to make sure I didn't miss him or something. Nothing. Monday comes by, which is my usual session day. Still nothing. I reach out again, wishing him well and asking if we would still be on for Monday or if we're going to Fridays now. Maybe I got confused. It happens more often then you think. Crickets. By now I'm worried. Did this man die? What's going on? Now all I can think is that he got a look at my assessment forms and decided I was too much for him to handle. Which has happened before. I've had 2 therapists in the past tell me they weren't able to help me. But instead of suggesting me to someone who specializes in my type of case, they just bounce. So who knows. I'm not even upset, I'm just kinda disappointed I guess. I feel like whenever I try to make strides to get better, something comes up. And it wouldn't be so bad if the american healthcare system wasn't such a fucking shit show. So I'm waiting to see if he emails me back today or not. If not, I'll hit him up again and tell him I'll be moving on to another therapist. Which means I gotta hunt down someone else again.

[ham-n-spam]

Y’know it’s been a while since I wrote a proper angst post…

I’m not gonna start something heavy tonight, but man sometimes I hate being autistic. Now, I know there’s nothing wrong with me. I know that autism isn’t a disease or illness or whatever. But being raised in a neurotypical world as an autistic woman fucking sucks.

Like I grew up being told that I had to be polite. Add anxiety to the mix and you’ve got a damn near perfectly behave little girl who would have an aneurysm if she said anything that could be considered insulting. I was well mannered and heavily masked throughout my childhood… except when it came to my special interests.

For some reason, I never tried to mask the fact that I loved Pokémon and Animal Crossing and Time Travel an unhealthy amount. I just expressed my love for my hyperfixations and moved on. Of course, as I got older I understood that it was ‘frowned upon’ for teenagers to still like ��childish’ things, but it didn’t stop me from loving the shit in my free time.

But being autistic in a neurotypical world sucks ass. Because my closest friends (who also happen to be autistic) still called my interest cringey because that’s how we’re taught to view that kind of stuff. I get regularly teased by my mum’s bitch of a partner for still liking Barbie and Hello Kitty.

And it’s not just how people treat me for my interests, it’s how I treat myself. Remember that mild mannered little girl who never set a foot out of line? Now she feels like a burden for seeking comfort after a meltdown because it would mean bothering people. Like just now, prior to this little rant I had a good old cry because I hate the house I currently live in and am terrified of spending the next 4 years of my life here.

It’s rare for autistics to live independently you see. And whilst I’m not gonna spill the exact details of my home life because of stranger danger, the gist is that I have a tiny ass room and that my mum’s partner is the biggest bitch on the planet who loves making me miserable.

I miss my old house. I wish my mum was around more. I hate how I think myself a burden because I have human needs. And most of all, I’m upset that I isolate myself from the family I actually care about. I wanna go back to my old home, to where I lived before I moved a couple years ago. At least there I had good memories.

This kind of developed into an angst rant didn’t it? I don’t care, I’m tired, hormonal, and am too overstimulated to really care. I think I’m gonna go ask my mum for a hug because I really do feel like shit right now.

Spam account go brrr.

[first-impressions-gaming]

The Last Case of Benedict Fox

Developed by Plot Twist

Published by Rogue Games

Release Date 2023

Tested on Xbox Series X

MSRP 24,99 USD

“All that glitters is not gold” is a perfect quote from Shakespeare to sum up what The Last Case stands for, or at least what it has to offer. My starting point for that quote lies in flashy trailers and screenshots for the game, eye-catching choice of colours, backed up by attractive graphic-design is always a “okay, that looks cool AF” moment in a silly 2-minute trailer, but the truth behind the trailer you are going to find in actual game may likely hurt you.

Let’s rewind a little bit: the game opens with a background story covering a secret cult operating and committing “atrocities” during world war I. Benedict Fox attempts to bust the cult yet things go south and he fights with a couple of cultists and escapes, then Benedict is to meet his sibling in a giant mansion to investigate a chain of murders after a phone call with him. We travel to this antique gigantic mansion which gives mysterious, dark, haunted and Victorian vibes low-key, the selection of a mansion with these details really fit game-wide graphic design.

Early in the game, one of the main quests is to find missing ritual scripts of the father, the thing is that the map expands as you explore and and there’s no tips given to you where to find quest-related objects (missing scripts in this case) to complete the quest even when exploration is set to the easiest option, and you end up randomly wandering around locations, you come across numerous locked doors and go back and forth. The gist of my criticism is I cannot figure out if this is a design-choice in favour of exploration or the objects are randomly placed around the map without foresight. As a player, I shouldn’t feel lost when I’m discovering the world I’m in, I should be encouraged as a principle. I wish objectives for main quests were designed with exploration in mind, exploration for sake of exploration sets back quests heavily and noticeable because you are losing your focus constantly and mindlessly running around is tiresome. 

As a tangible instance and comparison, total playtime for the game is around 5 hours and I spent at least 45 minutes focused on completing only one main quest, it never should take almost 20% of total playtime to finish a mission, a player expects to be motivated to progress, The Last Case fails at it, miserably.

As previously pointed out, The Last Case captivates you with a lively, colourful world with meticulous and detailed world-design which provides 2D movement in a 3D-depth world as a platformer. One of the highlights that I can share with you is the following clip, where 3D design really pops:

Furthermore, in this clip you can see location transitions, especially with contrast-colours:

There’re a few mechanics to mention as well, which are:

Pouch, Notes and Tattoos.

Pouch contains all sorts of items from consumables to mission-related keys, documents.

Notes lists button control tutorial, skills, quest notes, enemy types and major dialogue interactions.

Tattoos are mostly “skills” you can obtain from Mysterious Woman you rescue from mirrors when she’s trapped inside. Upon rescuing her, you can find her in the house.

The game also offers difficulty options when it comes to combat, puzzles and exploration. For example if you desire a more chill gameplay you can set combat to “relaxing” which deems you immortal and you can kill enemies with one shot, set puzzles to “not interested in solving puzzles” and the puzzles will be automatically solved on the condition that you collect all the objects for the puzzles as manually, and set exploration to the easiest option which provides you more instruction and guidance to find your way basically.  

The Last Case has this “great on paper, not well executed” sentiment to me all the way, it sure does not deliver what is marketed and talked about. The core gameplay is held back by questionable and not-actually-working-as-intended choices, which are map design, progression and navigation.