#it makes me worry i'm sick or something
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so last week while i was feeling anxious about my job and performance i had to work on an impostor syndrome project and this week that my period's late and i'm anxious about that i have to work on project about the menstrual cycle and becoming one with your cycle etc so i just gotta ask: who's laughing at me
#i hate this so much lmao#tbd#i'm honestly not worried about being preg bc ✨precautions✨ but what makes me anxious is the WHY it's not coming#like it's not good that it's been 8 days since it should've been here#it makes me worry i'm sick or something#i think also that the more i worry about it the worse it gets but i can't help it WHERE ARE U ????
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2024 Brazilian GP | x
#franco colapinto#autumn posts#I'm so conflicted about all the rumors!!#I want him to have a spot for 2025!! but rbr is kinda falling apart!! and we've seen how especially callous they can be 😢#I miss Daniel so much 🥺 I've been on my usual insta dives and everytime I see vcarb I still pause out of habit#still I agree with so many folks that its good he got away from rbr who never were going to give him the respect and opportunities!!#so I worry for Franco!!!#and poor Max gosh this FiA balogna and the car just not performing 🥲#tbh I've been hiding in like 2017 posts just soaking up content I missed from bygone days!#I spam my sideblog verstappen100 if anyone wants like mostly Daniel throwback yearning hehe 🙂↕️#idk the vibes feel off this GP especially so like...idk how to explain it!!#but anyways I think I'm just new and I'm sick irl so just kinda stewing in the feels#nothing some gifs can't fix 🙂↕️#and I have to work tomorrow 🥲 but then!!! freedom!!!#anyways just rambling...#I like to hide in the tags and the side blog but I know that#hiding how I feel is blocking me from making true connections in fandom!!#I worry I'll say something silly or something#but maybe I should be more brave instead of hiding#oh anyways!!!#if you're reading all this!! thank you! hehe nothing huge just feeling dumping before slumber 😴#I hope all is well!!#sending good energy out to Franco on such a hard weekend#and to Daniel hopefully chilling and dreaming up something excellent 💞#and to y'all!! have a good night morning and afternoon!! 🌙☀️☁️#going to add a few more photos before I go!!
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time sensitive mutual aid post but i have a very strict medically necessary diet and im out of my dried gluten-free pasta and almost all of my canned goods. im trying to resist eating something that i know is very harmful to me just so i can eat something tonight. it's been a very rough week if you can throw me a few dollars so i can try and get something to eat tonight, my p//y/p//l is @/scrump444 thanks and please share
#this is coming right after my fiancé's mother died and him being hospitalized and then my birthday#and today also happens to be the 4th year anniversary of my fathers passing but we didnt have the gas money to go to the cemetery today#everything in my current life is very very stressful#im more worried for my fiancé than for myself but after not eating more than 3 meals in the past 5 days i need some money to eat#i'm trying not to eat something glutenous because it makes me so sick that im bedridden the next day but im very very hungry#sorry for not being active or for posting this sort of stuff im at a critical point and i hate bothering my friends directly for help
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#Ruining the semi normal sleep schedule I'd managed 2 keep going for like a week cus of paranoia 😎#This is ofcthe one time I'm like Actually fucking sleepy#I shocked myself earlier n am in a spiral about the whole “even a semi small shock can fuck up ur heart hours or days later” thing#Which idk if thats unreasonable paranoia or like normal n smart#The internet is 50/50 on it lol#Mom says im being paranoid. Called a like phone nurse about it who said it'd be smart 2 get it checked just 2 be safe#But it's late and doesn't feel serious enough for the er?#Also the er is hell. U just sit there for Hours waiting n then get looked at for 5 minutes told n2 wait even more n then told 2 just go hom#So I am just kinda... existing.. until stuff opens n I can hopefully see a doctor about it or something:)#And cus I was already feeling kinda sick Before the shock I can't be sure if I actually have any symptoms of something worrying#AAAAND my anxiety about the whole thing is making me over analyze every heartbeat or muscle twitch#N tricking my brain into believing shit that's not real#I wanna nap so bad but my brain won't let meee#Ok ramble is done... I just needed 2 get this out of my system somewhere...#Can u believe I use 2 think I didn't have anxiety?? I was all Oh yeah I'm Super chill 😎 while sirens played in my head 24/7#rambles
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i drew (and headcanoned some of) people's courtneys. too out of it to tag the specific ppl these courtlets come from so if you see your courtlet say hi i guess? wanted to post this since i love this piece so much and i love seeing how people interpret concepts.
and a bonus featuring my own courtlet. thank you.
#pkmn#rse#oras#magma admin courtney#team magma#hiii here's the silly commentary part lol so. uh. lately ive been so out of everything lately and ive been between amazing and a mess#as i figure out my own courtney's character i've given up on a thing ive been at with for several months. ive met some good friends too.#but even as i give up that thing im still cooking up new things like me FINALLY coming up with my continuity's events and stuff YAY!!!#i really really wanna share some stuff but 1) i don't have a lot and it's hard to really discuss stuff with the way i think#2) it's been hard to draw lately. idk why. 3) im worried ppl will go after me because this story is kind of edgy to an extent and#we are far past the edgy emo dark story stuff and I'm worried ppl will chock it up to “look into my sick and twisted mind” and not#like. something i am happy with and love and like. want to do so much with!!! idk!!!! i wanna make a narrative that is so crazy. that is al#if anyone wants me to talk about my continuity and ESPECIALLY about my courtney please send asks i am realizing that#the loneliness and my disconnect from reality is starting to get to me and i need to think about other stuff. i just like talking to people#and bouncing off ideas and stuff. it would be fun. you guys have no idea how good of a writing exercise making your own pkmn continuity is#ANYWAYS. tldr. please please talk to me about these things. i love talking about headcanons and silly stuff. thank you.#too tired to tag with my tag. goodbye.
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i think a lot of people have never been in a truly desperate situation but think they have, and this causes them to pass really harsh judgment on people who made bad choices when either irrational or having no good choices to pick instead, and i really wish people could get some fucking self-perception and work on their compassion skills and not fucking do that as much anymore
#jack facts#people be banging on about empathy this empathy that#and like sure maybe people have a measurable capacity for it but i can tell you what#that sure as fuck don't mean any fucking one of them ever bothers to make use of it when it matters lol#and i mean on the other hand it's hard to conceptualize how you would feel going through something you've never experienced before#i just wish people would be AWARE of the fact they don't know!#or like that there's a difference between ''i can't afford anything but instant ramen'' and ''i can't get any food or water''#or a difference between being freaked out by spiders and having clinical arachnophobia#or a difference between ''my loved one is sick and i'm really worried about them'' and ''my loved one is dying in front of me''#etc etc etc etc etc#anyway the longer i live the more i'm convinced that empathy is a garbage concept#and actually a more reliable way to act with true compassion is through at least some capacity for relative objectivity#the ability to say ''i don't know how that feels and i cannot understand it through comparison'' and to be able AND WILLING#to take people's self reports on their feelings thought processes or lackthereof in good faith and with sympathy#and also the ability to acknowledge that doing a bad thing for good reasons does not negate the bad thing being bad#but also should and does change what consequences are appropriate and/or most effective#and also like............... things people do in desperation or other irrational states do not represent Who They Are As A Person#or what it's like to hang out with them in a day to day situation#another thing i keep getting more and more aware of is like. if y'all can't even handle an irrational or impulsive choice that does harm#done by an otherwise ''good'' person under short term desperate situations#that they then do their best to reduce the harm of after the situation is over#i can not even imagine how absolutely unforgiving you must be of anyone who has delusions#and i mean real delusions and real psychosis not the hyperbolic babytalk version lol#like i don't think most of you even know what the fuck a delusion even is the way you act about things as simple & straightforward as like#fear. hunger. pain.#absolutely fucking exhausting
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When your friend needs you to be there to comfort them, but you have no energy for serious conversations and so you're stuck wondering if youre being a selfish asshole or if youre justified in not wanting to be the one to sort their problems out
#vent#its not like they didnt offer to hear my problems. but i just dont want to talk about. or anything#i dont want serious conversations. i dont want to have to worry about other people. i just cant.#im just so fucking exhausted and i dont know if its talking to them and feeling drained by the fact that theyre going through something-#-and that i need to be the therapist or if im just sick. again.#plus yesterday i slept late. my mum made me cry (i think she was just tired out by that point in the day so i doubt it was personal)#and just#im fucking tired ok#and I'm sorry im a bad friend#i just dont have energy. i want to have good energy around me to try give me some.#but when theyre upset it gets into me and drains me and I've been there as much as i can but i just cant right now. im too tired#i know im a shitty person but literally everyone got to be a shitty person at my expense so isnt it my fucking turn?#and then assuming i was acting like that to hurt them. I DO NOT WANT TO HURT ANYONE. IF WE HAVE A FIGHT I WANT TO MOVE ON.#I'm not gonna be caught up in it if we resolved it#but yeah. long story short they're going through shit and i feel like shit#and i think them going through shit is what makes me feel like shit. because i worry about them#and they can lash out on me#i just dont know anymore. i dont know if im an awful person or not#last year i broke up with a friend and my mum said I'll do the same with the next friend#it wasnt my fault#that friend ghosted me#im trying not to be her rn too and im scared that ive been in the wrong im scared im a shitty person too#but at the same time im too done to even really care#i just wanna stop fucking feeling all this and just get on with my day
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hmmm sick to my stomach again this morning, really hope it's not the same thing that sent me to the ER last week (I went because of the pain and so far today I'm not experiencing pain, so that's promising)
#I did however just throw up a bit.#I'm hoping this is all because I took an aleve last night on maybe not a full enough stomach PLUS I'm having a migraine this morning#PLUS my breakfast was something I was a little worried might make me sick#life#chronic illness#disability#migraines#emetophobia tw
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There's honestly... just so many people, just so so so so so many people in this world where I'm like... aren't you people tired of this fucking... you know, I was going to call them clowns but that's really disrespectful to clowns, these people could never get their face on an egg...
Anyway, aren't you tired of this childish jackass? Don't you just want to ignore them and never have to hear about them again? If we just ignored them they legitimately would go away... don't you want that?
And this applies to... just ungodly amounts of people, from jake paul to even elon musk (just... don't touch his shit, he'll run out of money eventually with how bad he is with it), to just... name an annoying famous person and you'll name someone I've literally forgotten right now that I could never have to hear about again if people would just ignore them (unless they committed crimes, investigators are welcome to pay attention while gathering a case)
Yet the answer's always "no, we're paying so much attention to them!" and I'm just like... why? Why would you watch jake paul box? I heard about that and was like "he's still doing that shit?", and yet I guess it made a lot of money yet again and it's just like... ignore him
These people could go away, and yet
#to be blunt this is also very very very much about trump#the best part of all if he'd lost is how I'd never have had to see or hear about his loser ass again#and you people couldn't even manage that (collective you; not you personally... unless you're Pennsylvanian basically)#like he's insufferable... unless you're a die hard fan of him you know he's just stupid and annoying#why would you want to hear a washed up reality star for four more fucking years?#we could ignore these people hard enough to make them go away#and yet I'll be stuck having to hear him say shit about Hannibal or whatever for four more years cause you couldn't do that#I'm so sick of it; I honestly am#jake paul could have been ignored into obscurity like a decade ago; and yet he's able to launch a scam with mr beast#like dear god... can't you people find something better to do than watch these people? ...like watch paint dry?#it's not just people; it's every live action disney remake; it's... it's just all of it... fucking ai#can't you people fucking ignore it? can't you just kinda boo when it shows up and then forget about it?#I get someone like elon is a toddler that needs an eye kept on him to make sure he's not breaking shit but like...#we could just not buy his cars... which... like... doesn't seem like a hard ask given how badly they're manufactured#again... weirdos on tumblr; I'm doubting you're to blame for most of this#but just like... could we just for the love of god let the stupid shit die out you losers?#I'm not even... I'm not even joking here; this isn't like a goof; this is a prescription#nfts die if literally everyone ignores them; live action remakes die if no one watches them; elon goes bankrupt if no one buys from him#(also gets really sad because he's a massive attention seeker; and that's pretty funny so bonus)#why do I still have to hear about jake paul other than like... 'he's been arrested for fraud' or something reasonable?#could have been done with him years ago... like maybe if you kept around one or two bad habits but... like the lootboxes couldn't go?#tune in; turn on; drop out... this part here; I'm asking you to do the drop out part#drop out of society and stop playing their bullshit games#pay attention; be engaged with the world and your community as best you can; and just stop... stop giving this shit oxygen#but again... if this isn't hitting the void it's probably hitting the choir... you're not an oaf on twitter sucking this stuff up#but fuck me... worry over tariffs and other shit aside; concrete quantifiable worries I can lay out I might add#for the people who act like it's just sky is falling mentality; nah... I can expressly say what and why I worry about come january#but all that aside... you couldn't have voted against him just... just to never hear his annoying ass again?#not saying harris would have been good or bad or anything else... I'm saying she would have been a fuck of a lot less annoying#and like... you gave elon a win too... the two most annoying people on the planet and ya couldn't just... not
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#the thing is: people would rather believe things are going to play out exactly how they are in the books that they'll point to anything#to back themselves up#interviews of cast members saying something that does not at all equate to 'armand is mind controlling louis'#or 'the domestic abuse did not happen'#rather than stop and engage with the show on its own#all the symbolism amazing writing and complex characters and new but fantastic changes does not mean anything#because they are more concerned about getting to a hypothetical point of the show where they'll be validated#like they can't acknowledge racism and abusive relationships and inter-generational trauma because they think doing so#makes them a bad person for....liking lestat? being white? liking anne rice as a kid? idk#and THAT'S how we get 'fandom is so toxic pcs were never this bad' 'being white gets you oppressed in some countries so pls be nicies to me#and 'these people are actually pretending to be black to cause trouble see these black people who agree with me? means i'm not racist'#'btw don't worry about the fact i follow racists and allow them on my platform i'm very popular after all that's not the real issue here'#fandom racism#iwtv discourse#to blacklist in case anyone is sick of hearing this
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#I'm losing interest in everything that ever made me happy#im worried#now my friends jist went and added someone else to the band who doesn't even know how to play the fucking drums#im already teaching our bassist and guitarist how to play I'm not even that good of a musician i hate being the most experienced here#something about this makes me feel sick#everything is making me feel sick#everyone is making me feel fucking sick#and practice is always at my house Bec i have all the gear#and my hours got cut at work#EVERYTHING is making me want to kill myself idk why i feel this way and i don't know how to get help
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love my housemates for unanimously being "yay go to japan!!!!! :)))" and also being like "don't tell your family until you are literally there because they don't deserve to know. power to emma"
#p#i'll tell miles obviously that boy never did me wrong#i mean i'll have to tell my family eventually bc i want to get them presents lol#tbh i also feel like they broke my trust like crazy and they need to see that i honestly don't trust them to tell them now#i'm worried i'll tell them and they'll try to talk me out of it or something#or make me feel bad for going more likely. and i'm just so fucking sick of that. it's so horseshit#all this guilt tripping and pressure to do things this very specific way it's so suffocating#and it does hurt not being able to share things with my mom but she also did this to me. like that's a fact she didn't trust ME first
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it could be because I've been obsessed with zolu for over half of my life but every time I reread op I'm always like I'm gonna focus on all zoro and luffy's relationships, not just the zoro-and-luffy one! and then I start rereading !!! and I'm !!! right back !!! on my zolu bullshit !!!!!!
#i think i do see it through a zolu lense#i don't want to say I'm being objective about this because I'm most probably not being objective at all#not in the sense that I make the zolu scenes bigger than what they are but in the sense that i notice them above all others#so I'm like#it's always them!! the focus on their relationship is insanely off the charts!!!!#but then maybe it's just MY focus on their relationship that's off the charts#it COULD be#.......#im in alabasta right now and i just had back to back zoro threatening smoker when he's got luffy then saving smoker bc luffy told him so#then being worried sick about luffy staying behind with crocodile but still going forward cause luffy told him to#im going through it okay I'm TRULY going through it#what truly sends me is that it's not like zoro's reactions are bigger than the others but oda always starts from him???#*bangs head against wall*#and the way luffy always turns to him first..........#*bangs head against the wall harder*#there's something about them#(that something is the devotion)#i act like it's my first time reading op every single time i read it#it feels silly but then i think about how luffy is always zoro's first priority since the day he met him#and then I'm too busy crying to worry about being silly
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too sick to draw anything cromulent but. yk. i've been playing lots of totk and some of those shirts are so... celeste coded
#link's fashion game is off the charts in this one#you go from really cute with cut-outs shirts like froggy and frostbite#to the most insane thing you've ever seen with the mining outfit#the froggy sleeve is like what celeste would put on if someone told him to dress for a break in or something#like that's his rogue outfit#doodles#oc: celeste#im not actually sick i don't think don't worry#i think my body is just Massively overreacting to pollen#so i'm sick in that my immune system is responding and making me feel like garbage#but it's probably for no good reason#i just need to try a new allergy med bc clearly allegra isn't working for me anymore#or it is working and i am just sick#who knows#it's impossible to tell
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It is sunday night. I remain exhausted.
#my stuff#i tried everything this weekend and nothing is healing my Existential Ambivalence#like i know i cooked and i saw friends and i did my hobbies and normally i'd be proud of myself for all that but i just...don't care#i wanna call out sick or something tomorrow. I'm worried about my finances and i genuinely think im gonna have to move somewhere cheaper#like i was expecting my tax return to offset the slow bleed of money from my savings each month and that Is Not Happening#And its not like i have any way to Make More Money#bc im a grad student and we're contractually prevented from doing so#So that means i'll need to move when my lease is up this summer and i really don't fucking want to#i like where i live i just wish it wasn't so goddamn expensive on rent#even like $200 cheaper would be world changing for me#but no instead i gotta look at my bills after power and car insurance and food and be like oops guess i lost $100 this month#and god forbid i get coffee or eat out in the cheapest way possible bc somehow that adds up to like $100 the second i look away#im sick of being anxious about this!! im not eating enough as it is!!#i also don't wanna get a fucking roommate bc i don't want someone in a space i've come to consider my own#like sorry but im transgender do not fucking look at me stranger#so the only real solution is to move and that's such a fucking hassle and it doesn't solve the problem now and i just want this to get bettr#i wish all students a very $2000 raise forever#and all landlords a very Scrooge Moment that makes you cut my rent in half#ave omnissiah
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#my digestive issues are literally under the most control they have ever been in my life and they are still ruining my life#woke up fine today. went to a coffee shop. had to leave after an hour#i had so many plans for today and now i'm stuck at home because i can't be too far away from a bathroom#i didn't eat anything that would trigger this. my gut just hates me i guess#earlier this month i have a risk food but i thought i took enough precautions to be safe and it fucked me up for like#2 weeks straight#i wonder what its like for people to not have to wonder about bathroom access every time they leave the house#i wonder what its like to eat normal foods without calculating how sick its going to make you#i wonder what its like to not have entire plans tossed out the window for reasons beyond your control#fucking sucks man#i hate ibs#in exchange for my terrible gut i do have a fantastic immune system somehow but weirdly that means i never take time off work?#ok so i am so good at just managing my issues that i just power through whenever im sick.#it's not like i can afford to take time off whenever i feel sick anyway and besides once you have to take multiple AP tests in high school#while in the middle of an episode you grow a lot of tolerance for being functional while sick#but then. i just i could have excuses to take days off because i have a cold or something. get a rest every now and then#but what illnesses i get beyond digestion issues are so slight that i can just. power through. i am never ill enough to take time off#and i get so worried that one day I will need that PTO that I can't convince myself to use it for like mental health days and ugh#this is more of a personal problem than anything but still. i wish i got sick like a normal person
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