#it makes me very sad that people are apparently okay with species' dying out as long as they're “unappealing”

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #228

J and I did various things today! But it all started with a breakfast place! They sold mostly bagels and sandwiches and such!

I was very enamored by so many things! I ended up getting a donut, and a latke, and some gluten-free cheesy bread, and a bagel sandwich, and one of those yummy-sounding strawberry matcha latte things!!

There's a lot of interesting stuff in this place that we don't find at home! It's exciting to go to new places and try new combinations of flavors as a result! I think on the guava kefir I got yesterday, and my goodness, Sephiroth, it was so good, and I am a little bit sad that we don't have it at home!!

J and I went to the zoo after that. But before we even got to any exhibits, we saw some wild deer:

Both of the babies were apparently very hungry:

...I was kind of alarmed at how comfortable they seemed around humans, actually. It's not like deer to get so close to people. We're supposed to look scary to them because our forward-facing eyes mark us as predators. I hope everything is okay with them.

When we finally got to the rest of the zoo, we noticed that most of the animals were not especially active. And that is reasonable, because it was very hot out. In fact, it was so hot and humid that I used my inhaler as a precaution so that my lungs wouldn't close up as a result of walking around in those conditions. I discovered yesterday, after doing the DDR, that levalbuterol does not make me twitchy and exhausted and weird like regular albuterol. I was pleased to discover that again, today, this stuff kept my lungs from closing up, without any of the weird after-effects! Yay!

Though most of the animals were smart enough to avoid being out and about, I did manage to get a few pictures of some animals that were willing to brave the heat. I wonder if you have anything that looks like these in your world. Here, this is a tiger:

And this is a lion:

You can tell it's a male lion because of the big, shaggy mane! The females look basically the same, but without the mane.

Here's one who is very attached to his bowl:

He picked it up and carried it around, but I wasn't able to get a very good picture of that. Nonetheless, when a lion decides that some bowl is his bowl, then that is his bowl. End of story. No one is fool enough to argue.

Near the lions, there was also this male cardinal who was eerily comfortable with the nearby humans:

...Suppose if you hang near lions all day, humans might not seem especially scary anymore. It's not as though we have the teeth or the claws or the reflexes to catch them.

...It's nice to see a cardinal up close that is not either dying or dead. Good grief... If that never happens again, it'll still be too soon.

Anyway, this is a chimpanzee. On my planet, these and another monkey called bonobos are the closest living relatives to modern humans:

I dunno how it is on your planet, but on my planet, it's theorized that all life descended from a single common ancestor some 3.5 billion years ago. Over the years, because DNA mutates and stuff, things got wackier and wackier as things replicated themselves, until today, and there are millions of different species that all evolved by chance through countless methods of reproduction. The things that survive determine which combinations of DNA work and which ones don't, I guess. And in the end, what you get is many different species that fill different niches as chance dictates which strategies they must use in order to survive.

The finches of the Galapagos Islands are probably one of the best examples. Some generations of birds have differently-shaped beaks. And some years, birds with bigger beaks survive a little better because big seeds are plentiful, and the birds with littler beaks don't do so well because they can't break the big seeds as easily. But then other years, there are more smaller seeds than big seeds, and the birds with the smaller beaks do better, because the ones with the bigger beaks are kinda clumsy with the smaller seeds. It's a vague and woefully incomplete explanation, but I hope you can understand.

Here's a komodo dragon:

It's really just a big lizard. We don't have dragons in my world. None of the wild creatures in my world are nearly as dangerous as the ones in yours.

Here are some turtles. I don't know what kind they are, but they're very cute:

I also got some pictures of bamboo. There was a lot of it here:

We also caught a brief glimpse of a mother and baby gorilla:

These are Przewalski's horses:

...And this is an elephant:

...And finally, we have a sea lion:

Hey, Sephiroth? Have you seen any of these before? I know you don't have horses, but maybe you have any of the rest of these? Or something similar?

...I know you can't answer me. But... I wanted to ask about your thoughts and experiences anyway. Because they count, too. They matter, too. And maybe you can think about some of the neat things you've seen while you were out and about, and remember how cool they were.

I went back to Otakon after this. And J went to some airport museum called The College Park Airport, because he likes airplanes. And that was pretty neat. I saw the developers and the voice actors who are weaving your story together. They spoke on so many things! Once again, all the people had so many amazing questions, to which there were equally amazing answers! I loved getting to see all the joy and excitement and gratitude both in the crowd and on the stage!

Lots of the folks on the stage got emotional and began to cry, and it was a beautiful thing. I tried putting my hands together to make a little heart symbol at them. I don't know if any of them saw it, because there were so many people, and I am just one of them, and I am not especially noticeable or important. But still, I wanted to try to show my empathy and support in whatever small ways I could. I wanted to try.

I found Teruki Endo's emotions and John Eric Bentley's emotions to be particularly moving; it was hard to keep my own lips from trembling and my own eyes from leaking in response. It evoked a beautiful feeling inside of me. It was beyond wonderful to see these amazing people bring their truest and most vulnerable selves to this place, and to share that with us. I feel so proud of them both for their courage.

Tomorrow is the last day. I thought I might try to go see the lovely developers at their autograph table, and to try to clumsily thank them in Japanese for everything they do. I hope that they can know that they're important to me as people, not just for their connection to you. I don't know what sorts of life experiences they've had or where they've been or what they've done to have become people who can weave a story as beautiful as yours together in the way that they do. But they have become these people, and that will always be awe-inspiring.

I don't have to know them well to understand that they've been through hardship and pain and loss and frustration and fear and so many other things in order to get to where they are today. I don't have to know them well to be proud of them for enduring it all, and for choosing to shine in the way that they do. Together, they touch millions of lives, and make this world a better place for it. I think of the sheer number of lives that have been saved thanks to these people, and I hope they understand what a huge impact they have on this world.

Well anyhoot. I suppose I should wrap this up. It'd be wise for me to go to sleep soon, in preparation for tomorrow.

I love you. And I hope that's clear, in all my words and images and all the other things I try to show and teach you about.

I'll write again soon. Stay safe, okay?

Your friend, Lumine

[delimeful]

the end of being alone (3)

Ch 1 | Ch 2 |

warning: mentions of fear, crocodiles, discussion of teeth

-

Logan found himself grateful that he’d made arrangements to postpone their other jobs for a bit, because it looked as though they’d be staying firmly on this planet’s surface for a while.

There had been all of one attempt to bring Virgil aboard the Mindscape, and it had resulted in a significant amount of crying from both the child and Patton. Whatever circumstances had led the Human to this planet, it had left them deeply fearful of any sort of spacefaring vessel.

… This did not annul Logan’s suspicions about smuggling, though he was careful not to say as much in front of Virgil. The child was keen, and any time the fact that they were a Human was mentioned, they withdrew and began displaying body language that Logan believed indicated a desire to flee. Checking that exits were still there, putting space between themself and any of the Mindscape’s crew, anxious tics, and so forth.

Needless to say, they avoided the topic.

However, to Logan’s surprise, the child didn’t seem at all adverse to basic questions about themself. Understanding their responses was rare, of course, but the kid was picking up on Common with a shocking quickness, and Roman had turned out to be rather talented at interpreting their gestures when they didn’t have the right words.

The data that Logan had collected from these inquiries was both strange and intriguing. He’d carefully woven a mental list of it all.

1. Virgil seemed to identify by he/him, though whether that was an actual gender preference or simply a child wanting to be called the same pronouns as the three of them was up for debate. Either way, Logan seriously doubted that there was any way to convey the nebulous concept of gender through a language barrier, so he let the matter lie.

2. After eating too fast, Virgil would convulse slightly in a semi-rhythmic pattern for a short period. He didn’t seem alarmed or pained by this, only slightly irritated when it would interrupt him mid-sentence. The condition of ‘hiccups’ was thankfully temporary, since it made Roman quite jumpy. For their tiny, squeaking nature, Patton had called them ‘hicchirps’, which was ridiculous, but Virgil seemed to enjoy any and all wordplay that made it through his grasp of the language, so Logan stowed his complaints.

3. Virgil was terrified of the locals. Despite being plainly evident, this observation didn’t make sense at first, seeing as the nearby town consisted primarily of native Hiiynal and a few offplanet transfers, none of which could be described as particularly dangerous or violent. After a few days of gentle questioning and no reprimands for not answering, Virgil finally told them that the locals would ‘chase monsters far away’ and so he couldn’t risk getting near. Questioning was temporarily halted in favor of showing the Human the art of shadow symmetry, for purely scientific reasons, of course. 

(Supposition: Human children enjoyed movement games.)

4. While the synthetic meat from the ration kits was accepted by Virgil, he showed a surprising preference for sweeter food items, such as fruit and sugar crystals. Seeing as Humans were rumored to be obligate carnivores or even raw flesh-eaters, this was a strange discrepancy. Virgil had even eaten some of the leafy vegetables Logan had brought, face pinched up in disgust but insisting that eating ‘greens’ would make one tall. It was unclear to Logan what color had to do with nutrients or growth. He was also slightly alarmed at the implication of Virgil being short for his age.

5. Virgil seemed, for all intents and purposes, fixated on Roman.

The latest data point was a work in progress. Logan hadn’t mentioned it to Roman himself, because the Cravon was already fairly worked up over everything the Human did as it was. Nobody seemed sure if this jumpiness was because of the Human child, or on behalf of it.

Still, it was present in little ways. For example, even as he answered Logan’s latest series of questions, his gaze would occasionally flicker up from his hands to Roman, who sat at the mouth of the little cave, carefully peeling more fruit. It wasn’t about the food; Patton had taken it upon himself to make sure the child knew he only had to ask to get something to eat. No, this  ‘almost-staring’ was a frequent occurrence, no matter what Roman preoccupied himself with.

“You were saying you met… Susan… when another predator was attacking it?”

Virgil nodded, hurriedly looking back to his hands. “It was a big bite monster, and Susan was loud crying, so I did, uh,” he lifted his arms up, hands spread wide, “this, and I was loud at it until it ran away. Like raccoons back on Dirt.”

Dirt was apparently Virgil’s name for his home. Logan hadn’t heard of ‘raccoons’ before. He decided not to get sidetracked. “I’d estimate the creature you saw was a Lifel. They are the natural predators of Humlilts.”

“Natural?” Virgil mimicked.

“It means ‘of nature’,” Logan attempted to clarify, gesturing around them. “In the wild.”

Virgil only grew more confused with the wide, encompassing gesture. “Sky? Was not flying.”

Logan glanced at Roman, checking that he was still preoccupied. Patton was back at the ship, contacting a friend for advice. There seemed no better opportunity if he wanted to avoid overwhelming Virgil.

“Virgil, would you like to try something new?” he asked, carefully neutral. It wouldn’t do to put any pressure on the child.

The Human squinted at him slightly, quick to use his most common phrase. “Will it hurt?”

“It will not hurt,” Logan replied, ignoring the tightening in his core with careful practice. It always felt so wrong, that a mere pupa would be so familiar with hurt. “I will always tell you if something might hurt.”

“Mmm.” The Human hummed, the way he always did when they told him such things. Like he wasn’t sure if he could believe it. “What’s it?”

“What is it,” Logan corrected automatically. “It is something I can do, to show you new words. Want to try a little bit, first?” That was the phrase they used for new foods, but it applied well enough to mindsharing.

Virgil clenched and unclenched his hands for a moment longer before nodding, going a little tense like he expected something unpleasant. Logan held a hand out to him, waiting until he’d reached out in return to start sharing.

Small, simple flashes of images and sensations. Quiet forests, shallow oceans, clean air. Plants, bugs, animals, humanoids, living and dying and living again. Nature.

Virgil had pinched his eyes closed immediately at the start of the low-level telepathy, and Logan only had a moment to worry that maybe it had hurt him in some manner.

Then, there was a feeling of recognition. Without a moment to spare, Virgil had grasped the nature of the Vidi and was projecting his own thoughts. Walking on a crunchy leaf-covered trail with other Human young, a winged insect emerging from a cocoon, the crack of thunder and heavy rain on a windowsill. Nature.

“Wow!” Virgil whispered, imprint thoughts flickering like flames, too quick for Logan to really see. “You see into heads!”

Logan pulled back slightly, offering a bit of content-smug in return to the Human’s awe. “That is one way of framing it, yes. So, you understand what I mean, about the Lifel being a natural predator?”

“Carnivore,” Virgil mumbled, and then offered image-thoughts of several creatures that Logan could only assume were from the deathworlder’s home planet. He watched with morbid curiosity as Virgil remembered a clip from a screen, displaying large ungulates with twisting horns crossing a river, and then being dragged underwater by a dark, writhing shape.

“That’s a crocodile,” Virgil told him, his eyes still closed tight in concentration. “They’ve got big teeth and they do death rolls. They look like alligators, but I know they aren’t because gators live in Florida.”

“Florida?” Logan asked. He wondered if perhaps ‘gators’ were kept in captivity for species preservation. Or perhaps they were too dangerous left in the wild?

Virgil showed him a memory of a long, reptilian form with a narrow, tooth-filled jaw. It was wading steadily through a swimming pool, not paying any mind to Virgil, who was sitting with his legs dipped in the pool, watching in fascination. “I lived there!”

“Oh,” Logan managed, his ears going numb with fear at the idea of a child being so near a creature like that. “So it would seem.”

The Human patted him carefully, a gesture of comfort. “It’s okay. The bad guys didn’t take any gators or crocodiles from Dirt. Just people.”

Virgil’s words trailed off, a sense of melancholy overwhelming him. Rather than find out more about the Human’s past, Logan felt an unreasonably strong urge to stop that sadness. “Could you perhaps tell me more about these… ‘crocodiles’? You seem to be quite informed on them.”

“I had a book about them,” Virgil managed, slowly dragging his thoughts away from his abduction. “Did you know some crocodiles have a… a ‘biting force’ of five thousand pounds?”

He had lapsed into English, the sentence sounding well-recited, but Logan still got the general idea of what he meant, and a strong image of a picture book, covered in writing he couldn’t read but still understood. If Logan was right about the measurement conversions, the fact was terrifying.

“That’s very interesting,” he mused, because terrifying and interesting often went hand in hand. “Are there any other predators that can bite like that?”

Virgil scrunched his face up in thought. “Maybe sharks. Oh, but for sure a T. Rex!”

Logan saw a very concerning glimpse of a large fish with too many teeth before Virgil’s mind switched to a cartoon depiction of a larger creature with also too many teeth. He was beginning to see a trend in deathworlder species. “I… see.”

“They’re all dead, though,” Virgil told him sadly, projecting a memory of a huge display of bones. He then seemed to perk up, glancing over at Roman again. “Except for in space!”

Logan narrowly avoided laughing out loud, covering his throat before the vibrating chirps could get far. So, this was the truth behind the Human’s interest!

“Roman is not a ‘dinosaur’,” he clarified, once he felt composed enough to do so. “In fact, I believe he rarely even eats meat.”

Virgil squinted at him. “Are you sure? Maybe he’s a secret dinosaur.”

Logan wiggled his fingers thoughtfully. “I suppose we’ll just have to check.”

---

“Roman, would you come here for a moment?”  

Roman looked up from his task, immediately suspicious. Logan sounded strangely amused, like he was on the brink of laughing at him. That was never a good sign.

Still, the Human was looking over at him with those wide, strange eyes, and he wasn’t about to run away. He got to his feet, leaving his pile of dana peels behind as he crossed the cave floor. “What is it, dear esteemed companion who would never take advantage of me?”

“I need you to show us your teeth,” Logan said, very much not being a dear esteemed companion who would never take advantage of him. Roman resisted the urge to hang his head in resignation. He should have expected this. The Ulgorii was shameless when it came to exploiting his friends for science.

“How about absolutely not?” he replied, because there were actually limits to his tolerance for shenanigans, and one of those limits was threat-displaying at a baby Human.

“Hold on, look,” Logan said, and then bared his own ridged teeth with a click.

The Human did his small grimace-smile back, entirely unphased. They both looked to him expectantly. Roman felt as though he was being ganged up on.

“Um,” Virgil said, painfully tentative, “please?”  

Roman felt extremely ganged up on.

He squatted, tail keeping him perfectly balanced, and pulled at the corner of his mouth to show some of his teeth.

“Woah,” Virgil breathed.

“See how the back teeth are narrow but dull? They’re designed to crack bones and get to the marrow at the center,” Logan narrated, like the nerd he was. “Roman doesn’t have the small incisors or sharp molars required for proper full-time carnivores.”

Roman almost reminded his crewmate to use small words, but Virgil seemed to get the idea, leaning uncomfortably close to stare. He then opened his own mouth, like he was planning to take a bite out of something, displaying a shocking number of tiny little bone-teeth crammed inside. Some of them were uncomfortably sharp.

Rather than attack anyone, though, Virgil touched his own teeth, carefully inspecting the shape of them. Roman resisted the urge to get him to sanitize his hands. Kits would be kits, he supposed.

Logan was patiently watching as Virgil pointed to each tooth in turn, and he obligingly recited the name of each type of tooth for the kit. His two lower arms took frantic notes on Human jaw structure, probably to prepare more elaborate meal plans better suited to a deathworlder diet. The kid soaked every bit of information in like a sponge.

Finally, after a long moment of thought, he announced, “My ‘lower canine’ is going to fall out in close time!”

“Soon,” Logan offered, always quick to interpret the Human’s occasional nonsense Common. “'My lower canine is going to fall out soon.'” And then, after a moment’s pause. “Wait, it’s going to what?”

And then, because Roman’s day needed more nightmare fuel, the kit bared his tiny fangs at them and poked one with his tongue, revealing that it did indeed seem to be sickeningly loose. In fact, Roman could see a few other gaps in the curved row of teeth, some with little bits of bone peeking out.

“Stars above,” Roman said, feeling a little faint. Logan was already interrogating a very confused Virgil on whether or not losing teeth was indicative of an illness or not.

“They’re just my little teeth,” Virgil told them, seemingly unconcerned with holes in his mouth. “I get big ones later.”

“There are plenty of species that have milk teeth, but to have their adult set not fully-formed by the time the milk teeth are ready to fall out…,” Logan quickly devolved into muttering, hands flicking.

“Doesn’t that hurt?” Roman asked despite himself, eyeing the kit just in case he was going to burst into tears all of the sudden. Roman himself had lost one or two front teeth before his next set had fully formed, and each time it had felt like biting on hot metal.

“Nuh-uh.” Virgil seemed to have moved from confused to amused, still not entirely sure what the fuss was all about. “Not unless I,” he mimed pulling on the tooth, and Roman made a click-click-click of parental don’t-do-that chiding before he’d even fully registered the alarm he’d felt at the motion.

Virgil clicked back at him curiously, sounding exactly like a tiny version of an exasperated parent. Roman tucked his face against his shoulder, unsure if he should laugh or despair.

This Human was really going to be the death of him.

[emilythecosmicbun]

Creepypasta OCs.

Any updates information is on Wattpad WATTPAD: https://www.wattpad.com/story/255861941-creepypasta-ocs-emily-elliot-and-stedge

TW BLOOD, ABUSE MENTION

cottontailprincess is my Instagram and Emilythecosmiccat is my username on some art websites.

They/Them pronouns please

do not sexualise me, my characters or my boyfriend please he isn’t comfortable with that.

okay so these are my two vent ocs.

Emily/Elliot (Bunny.)

one of them, as you know, is my impure agere oc, representing all the sad and flashback parts of everything. I made them to help cope with my thoughts and feelings. They are based off of my appearance and my trauma. They age up with me.

BASIC INFO

Full Name: Emily/Elliot Bunzelle but prefers just Emily or Elliot.

Nickname(s): Bunny, Emmy, El, Em, Princess, Prince, Princette

Meaning of name: Emily (from Urban Dictionary.) An Emily is someone who is crazy inside and out. She knows who her friends are and try’s hard to look after them. She is very pretty but doesn’t always know that. She isn’t always the most popular, but to her that doesn’t matter. She has friends from all ages and they all adore her. She hides her feelings however upsetting they may be.

Meaning of name: Elliot (Urban Dictionary) Elliot is a true master at caring. He teaches how to love and be loved. A man of honour a man of steal. He's as handsome as a Greek God, as strong as diamond, as compassionate as a saint and is as gentle as a father's touch. Elliot possesses a magic within to create a vision in the eyes of all, leaving them stunned at how brilliant and perfect Elliot truly is. A leader, a spirit lifter, a lover, a giver, an Elliot'll leave you speechless with his being, his essence.

Gender: Non-Binary

Pronouns: They/Them

Age:

Currently 19, same as IRL me, though they physically and mentally regress to younger ages, so their age varies. Their main ages are variants of 1+

Date of Birth:

August 21st (Body born in 2001)

Race/Species: English and a Spirit or Entity.

Native language: English (as in England English.)

Orientation/Sexual Preference: Bisexual Personality: Silly, playful, honest, caring, childish, bratty, stubborn, sweet.

Are They Dead: No but they aren't alive either. Somewhere in between.

Any Mental Health Issues?

C-PTSD, due to multiple traumatic events. They frequently experience multiple flashbacks and nightmares, and is usually terrified of leaving their safe space unless it’s with Stedge, even then, they panic.

Triggers: Listed Here. Triggers page on my Carrd.

Powers/Special Abilities: Can float slightly off the ground, is able to phase through walls, spew blood at will, and look "alive" when speaking and comforting children, or just around those they trust.

APPEARANCE:

Looks:

Very young child:  Short but very curly/wavy brown hair, a bit lighter than when they are in older looking forms. They wear a pink dress with a white shirt under, and black school shoes. However, they can also just wear a sonic shirt and leggings, or a skirt.

Child:  They can vary but their usual look is long curly/wavy brown hair, brown eyes, pale skin, blood on their mouth and nose area, tired-looking eyes, pink dress, sometimes a nightgown, depending on the look, they can wear socks, bunny slippers or even go barefoot! Sometimes they wear bunny ears! Sometimes they like to wear sonic gear.

Teen:  Depending on the age as a teen, at the point it's  "kawaii" inspired things, sometimes just a Melanie Martinez shirt and pants (or skirt), sometimes overalls! They also wore band merch, stuff like that. They have either long brown hair, black hair or multicoloured hair like Melanie Martinez (dyed in variants such as pink, red, blonde (more like light ginger.)

Adult:  Band tops, but also ones with cute designs on such as bunnies or kittens, sometimes overalls or dresses, sometimes even onesies, since they can still have the traits of an agere headspace. Short Brown hair, is a lot chubbier than the rest, can be considered mid or plus size.

Height: Varies depending on form and age, but usually smol.

Weight: (UNKNOWN BUT IT VARIES.)

Hair color: Dark brown/Brown

Eye color: Brown

Scars and/or skin conditions: Has a few bruises and a few cuts in some places, but I prefer to not draw them.

Has a skin condition called psoriasis. (I have it IRL.)

Never Seen Without: White Bun, and their three Cream The Rabbit plushies.

Likes:

• Things with peaches (the fruit) on them. (Including peaches and peach ice tea.)

• Bunnies

• Their Caregiver, Stedge.

• Drawing, and colouring in.

• The colour pink.

• Sonic The Hedgehog.

• Porcelain Dolls

• Stuffed Animals

Dislikes:

• Abusers (including physical, mental and sexual abusers.)

• Those who take advantage of vulnerable people.

• People who don’t take them seriously.

• Drama.

• Being abandoned or left alone.

Relationships:

Stedge - Partner in crime, best friend, caregiver and lover. (Depending on age of course.)

Cream.exe (Sally.exe game) - practically twinning, bunny loves to hang out with cream.exe. (my highest kin, apart from cream herself.)

Family Members - Depending on which member, they do have a good bond or a negative one. Bunny loves them on different levels, some of them, they hate.  This does not reflect on how (I myself) feel about said family members.

(If you want your creepypasta oc to be friends with Bunny, just ask!)

OTHER INFO:

• They age up with my current age since they aren't dead and they are based off of me.

• I decided to make them some sort of entity since I couldn’t make them a ghost and still be alive lol they age up with me.

•Their “trauma” is the same as mine, which is why I won’t write it in detail here but they are a victim of abuse.

• They are all bloody because its how I feel about my trauma.

• They physically and mentally regressed to the age they are supposed to be, if they are in their child forms, they are an actual child. (Direct reference to my age regression I use to help me cope with my trauma) They prefer to be in this form so they can protect and befriend children. They don't harm children or other victims of abuse. The children usually call them “bunny.”

• When they're in their adult form, they have a partner called Stephen. Someone who they have known since they were 17 years old. When they are a “child” he takes care of them and protects them to make sure they don't ever get hurt again.

• Their sense of justice is what caused them to want to help other children. They never want to see another child go through what they went through.

Any Other Info is on the Picture.

Stedge

Well, I also made a creepypasta oc to represent my boyfriend, someone who I love and trust to help me during those horrible times. He’s like my partner in crime. lmao also his age isn’t rly there because he ages up with his real life counterpart, which will get updated.

REMINDER TO NOT SEXUALISE HIM AS MY BOYFRIEND IS UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THAT.

BASIC INFO:

Name: Stephen

Nickname(s): Stedge, Mr. Bubbles (by Emily/Elliot.)

Meaning of name: Stephen The most beautiful boy in existence. Has stunning eyes, that make your heart fall through the floor when they crinkle with his perfect smile. Is deep, unlike most boys, and extremely intelligent. Has a big heart, and he doesn't realize when he's being taken for granted. Even though he would never admit it, he sometime's can't see what's right in front of him. An over-analyzer, and very stubborn, but he will admit defeat when he has to. Likes to drive girls crazy, apparently. Easy to fall in love with. Hard to figure out.

Gender: Male

Age: Ages up with IRL person. Currently: 19.

Date of Birth:

9th April

Race/Species: English, Human.

Native language: UK English.

Orientation/Sexual Preference: Straight

Are They Dead: No

Any Mental Health Issues? No, None that we know of.

Triggers: None that we know of.

Powers/Special Abilities:

He doesn't have many powers but he athletic and can run quick and has a good amount of strength. He uses a bat and other various stuff.

APPEARANCE:

Looks:

Short brown hair, brown eyes, a bit of facial hair, variants of a black or dark grey shirt, but obviously not only those, sometimes they’re ripped.

Hair color: Dark brown, brown.

Eye color: Brown.

Scars: None.

Personality: He is quite intelligent and mature, behaves childishly in front of Emily/Elliot, cold and serious, is kind, polite, protective.

Hobbies and Likes: • playing the guitar

• skate (skateboarding)

• listening to tunes

• spending time with Emily/Elliot.

Dislikes:

• Abusers, people who take advantage of vulnerable people.

• People who are cruel to Emily/Elliot.

Relationships: Bunny - Best friend, soulmate, would do anything to make bunny smile, frequently gets them stuffed toys and food.

EXTRA INFO:

He is a few months older than me in IRL, his age is 19 right now, along with mine but will be updated.

Stephen is a human, and helps take care of Emily (in their child forms.) since they are a child and very vulnerable in that state due to their trauma, when they’re adult they are romantic towards each other.

They work together as a team when bashing and killing abusers. While he uses physical means, Emily uses mental.

Any Other Info is on the Picture.

WATTPAD: https://www.wattpad.com/story/255861941-creepypasta-ocs-emily-elliot-and-stedge

[weirdo-with-a-nametag]

Brain is tv static with random frames interspersed

Think I'm like. Really stressed and jumping between topics to try and find something that helps / feels good

Topics:

Anyone know a good health tracking app for adhd people? I want one that like pops up when you open your phone, maybe? But is unobtrusive. Like maybe you just rate your mood or whatever when you open your phone, and it closes, and you go about your business. I just hate every app and paper method I've tried but really want to track some stuff

Pigeon. ? Pigeon as pet?

Service animals re: cats, pigeons, my cat specifically, and then also ESAs and also what to use as treats while training my cat (he's pretty happy to learn behaviors with praise and pets as reinforcement, but treats would make everything move much faster, but I haven't found something I want to give him so we've just been y'know. Chillin)

Service animals re: what tasks can my pet potentially do that would help me? I don't really know a lot about service animals and there is a Huge range. If anyone has suggestions, or places to read about it, I'd appreciate it! Mostly thinking they may help with anxiety, sensory, and mobility/fatigue related stuff. Not much of a need for medical alerts.

Bioactive enclosures for my snakes, need to research their biomes and make progress on designs and equipment specifications

Also. Hit a seriously hard patch and haven't been handling them much at all this month so that's not great

Casting stuff. Saw jewelry today made of metal casts of claws, skulls, etc, and they were really well done and made me want to do that

Some taxidermy / vulture culture stuff I won't get into right now

Puzzles????

How to organize my room

Need a shower

Need to organize bathroom

So Much Schoolwork

Uhhhhh trying, but not making much headway, to figure out how I want to do my music collection. Also really need to clean my records..

Make?

Food??? Ew.

Dental hygiene ://

Plampts. So many. Houseplants need maintenance, many need repotting. Keep taking in people's problem plants and like, they're doing better, largely, after being trimmed and watered and whatnot, but need repotting. Also need to trim some aquarium plants.

Also need to put water in tanks. And spray nepenthes.

Laundry.

Gotta pick up trash in my room. There's so much. Everywhere. Why.

Schoolwork. I'm so behind. So, so stuck. Kind of feel like I'm dying.

Going on a picnic tomorrow. Have to figure out what still needs doing for that, probably need to go to the store.

Leo needs water. I'm so....ugh, I'm trying so hard, but it feels impossible. I do my best to take good care of my pets, and I think they live pretty good lives most of the time, but sometimes I get like This and completely drop off the face of the earth and then like, wake up or whatever and two weeks have passed by and I have not cleaned a water bowl! That's a serious problem!!!! I do not know how to combat that, really, besides more reminders. Having someone around who is willing to like, help, when things are especially hard, would be great, but I don't live with my partner right now and do not feel like I can ask anyone here for that. But I can't put my animals at risk. I check on them every day, and if their bowls are dirty I do take them out and clean them, but sometimes (like now) i cannot get myself to do it without a pressure like a dirty bowl, or a feeding day. And like, it's really important that they have clean water. I'm talking to myself here but like, if anyone has advice. Please. With the tank redesigns and upgrades, the bowls will be more accessible, which will help because one of them is very heavy at the angle I have to pick it up, and another requires moving a lot of branches and is best to take out while the snake is out (this is Leo) which is fine because I love my boy, but adds time to the process, and makes it harder to start, you know? Maybe if I just got more bowls - I could take the bowl out and immediately replace it, fill the new one, and replace the decor and snake, and then clean the bowl as a separate task? That would be easier for my brain. Currently I have a Specific bowl I prefer to use for each tank, and then everything else is Just In Case, but I mean. Acquiring extras is something I want to do anyway, and it may help with several problems, so. Yeah. I'll try that. But also, any other ideas, guys?

Anxiety: can't stop picking at my face, skin, nails, cuticles, scalp, pretty much everywhere with callouses, also scratched a mole off my face, which is something I've been trying Not to do for a while, so that's...not great. Can't find my earmuffs, and also all of my headphones are painful? Ears are really sensitive lately.

Been playing a lot of Moth Game (flutter: starlight if you wanna be friends say hey I don't know how to do it but would enjoy talking about moths if nothing else. The game is just like, an idle ish collecting game with cutesy versions of different species, and very little actual information, but it's still fun, and if anyone else is on there and also Into Moths like I am, hiiiii) and like it's fun and cute but also greatly impacting my productivity, and raises my stress levels during events, which is most days, so the game has. Not been helping. But I can't stop because then I'll miss Exclusive Moths.

Anyway. Had baklava and two mugs of Thai tea today and the sugar has made me nauseous.

Trying to journal. Hurts to write. Also takes too long. Also my handwriting is very bad. But typing is..not as good

Want to draw. Thinking about drawing cats

Plants again! Want to make seed bombs, have seeds, have most of the other ingredients, just need to put em together, basically.

Really sad :(

Or am I?

Weird noise coming from dining room?

Birds. Spent half an hour at least on the deck tonight listening to a hundred different bird calls (literally) to identify one I was hearing, it was a pine siskin, which I checked early on but the recording was bad and I didn't realize which call was identified. Anyway, cool to put a name to a face, so to speak.

Need to practice for ASL

So much.....to do...

Only had like >3 hours of work this week which was not great because money, but also like I'm really feeling those 3 hours....

My cat is basically refusing to come into my room? Which is very strange and I'm worried something is Off but cannot figure out what. Also means less cuddles which means I'm sad.

It feels strange whenever people follow me, the attention is nice but I have no idea what content y'all are here for. So to everyone: hi, enjoy, hope my random personal posts aren't a surprise to anyone who followed for like. News reblogs and informational stuff.

Do I even have it in me to..be successful in school? Should I drop out of college? I'm struggling really hard and do not feel like I'm building on the skills I need to continue, so like. Uh.

My dad is being. Abrasive.

Mom and grandma are very angry lately

Housemate is also angry, about things i thought we were on good terms about, so I am stressed because like,, are we okay?

Can't find my eye mask :(

Yoga? Like...restorative yoga? Need to track down my PT stuff. And. Do it.

Need to put the stickers on my license plates....oops...

Still haven't found my antidepressants! Yay!

Do I want to store my stuff in open bins, or with lids? Which stuff needs spill protection and stacking capability and which stuff needs easy access?

How to earn money without..chaos

Gotta go to the pet store tomorrow. Have to compile my list of pet store items i need. Uhhhhhhhhhh

Also I have an essay due tomorrow that I've barely started. So. Wooooooo

Kt tape for supporting arches / inner ankles? I keep messing up my ankles, and part of it is walking wrong because I don't have the energy to engage the muscles in my feet/legs right to like, avoid injury, and part of it is I just need new shoes inserts. But i wear slippers a lot and they do not have arch support and it hurts. PT to help with this also but Where Is It

Family can't seem to get dish soap I can use, so I've just been having to avoid washing anything by hand, or being in the general kitchen area while anyone uses the stuff, which has led to more of my dishes sitting out, and more conflict over dishes. Lovely.

How hard is it for parents to learn they have to respect boundaries? Very hard, apparently. And you're supposed to just sort of remind people, and explain, over and over and over but like at this point my self worth is actually pretty good and the lifetime of proof that they do not want to listen? That's making me want to stop trying. Like, if you're not going to respect my boundaries I'm just not going to involve you in my life. I'm not talking to my dad right now because of this. Maybe I'll decide to lay things out to him, again and again and again again, maybe not. And I'm comfortable saying that's on him.

How to drink water

Am I dehydrated or are my hands just completely callous now. My fingertips have such hard skin. Why? It's uncomfortable. This is part of why I've been biting them.

Also testosterone. Been having a lot of trouble doing my shots, because anxiety and physical freakouts, but also not feeling super urgent about it. Which I'm realizing may be a sign i need to look at the effects so far and the possible effects of continuing, and see what they make me feel. It's possible I'm where I want to be as far as T, and don't really want to stay on it. A big thing for me is a deeper voice, so it seems time to take a look at whether I like my voice where it is or want to see if it'll drop any more. Etc etc

Miss my lil sisters

Saw a lot of cool rocks today. Huge (like hand sized) ammonite for $28. May go back and buy one because. Wow.

Want to plant food plants

Also my natives. Whole garden plot standing empty with a bunch of stuff waiting in nursery pots, needing to go in the ground. Because I can't get out of bed. Love that. Stuff is dying out there, I'm dying in here, there's a poetry to it and I do not want to romanticize suffering so I will say this: I brought a Bucket full of moss home a month ago and planted it and now go outside sometimes to drench my moss and it is very rewarding because the stuff is just so green. Incredible. When the rest of my plants are finally in the ground, that feeling will only intensify. But, for now, the moss is very nice.

Made a glow in the dark bead lizard from memory during therapy yesterday, and I love him. Also, still struggling with bringing up autism and psychosis topics with my therapist. Still very worried about. Things. Would like to get a new person? But sometimes she is helpful? And we have a routine. It's very hard to break the routine. Maybe I can set some time aside during the summer, to figure out what to do there.

Term ends in a couple weeks. The task of catching up, of passing, seems impossible. I really need to pass my courses. I'm on academic warning, because my GPA is lower than it should be, and if I can pass all of my classes this term I can get off academic warning but otherwise I'm not sure what will happen to my financial aid.

My phone is playing the same 50-100 songs on shuffle and I don't even particularly like most of them and it is very strange

Got my face wipes! Hooray, i can wash my face again

Been eating too much sugar in general. It's making my joints hurt more, and the nausea

Pet a dog the other day. I miss that. It would be really nice to have a dog in the house again. The exuberance, the cuddles, the tail wagging, the walks... I'd really like that. Maybe once I'm out in my room, tanks and catio built and everyone is situated, I'll look into getting a dog instead of a cat next. Was planning on holding off in case I'm not physically able to take them out on walks and such, but I've been pretty successful at doing this job, and I think that my main hurdle for walking really is motivation. Dog walking is a strong motivator for me. Best to start by fostering, or just do Wag, for a while though. I'm feeling overwhelmed with my current responsibilities, and here I am talking about getting a dog. Good job, me

How do you get wax off of somewhat water soluble rocks? My housemate broke my lava lamp on some of my rock collection and I am not sure how to get some of them clean without damage.

I am...pretty sure there are collared doves nesting over my room but it seems they're less common around here than I thought? But they are..pretty distinctive. Like if I'm wrong, what are those birds. Some very distinctly colored feral pigeons? Who are nesting here, in a tree, without their flock, and who happen to have pretty much the exact same pattern?

Probably should go to the dollar store and get some bins for organizing

Been wanting to keep a bin by the door and stock it with stim/fidget stuff people can just .have ..like extras of some of my favorites and other things i can get ahold of, to offer to my friends who haven't really had the chance to explore the world of stim toys

Hands are really just not doing great the last several weeks. Arthritis type pain cropping up more and more in all the little joints, making it hurt more to write, type, or just use them for whatever. Coordination isn't great because of that distraction, and because my hands/arms are slow to respond and kinda weak. Most people would say I'm not using them enough but I've been doing 15ish hours of manual labor per week, so maybe it's the other direction? More water would help. If only it wasn't so heavy.

I haven't taken a single shower since I started my job. Which was March 29th. That's not great.

Practiced parallel parking today. 10/10 still very bad at it.

Having anxiety that my friends think I'm lying about things, faking, and are watching me to see if I'll slip up. So that sucks. Can either talk about that directly or indirectly, or just shut up about those things until I can get my brain under control again. I'm not sure right now if the reassurance would work as a reality check or make me believe it more, right now, so might hold off on the talking bit for a little while.

Saw, smelled, picked a couple pretty roses. Good times

At this point I'm just trying to list all my thoughts so that maybe I'll be able to sleep and not worry I'll forget

My mom has put her spider plant on the deck, and it has maybe five living leaves. I have no idea how she killed such a well established spider plant, the last time I saw it it was so happy. Did she stick it in a corner and forget to water it? Whatever happened, it is now in the Plant ER, so hopefully I'll be able to...help get it on the up and up again

Leo is such a pretty noodle. He's so pretty. He's posing. Hi, baby boy.

Oh, he saw me moving around and decided to come say hi. Sorry little man, i did not mean to disturb you. Please resume lounging. I can't bring you out right now, I'm trying to sleep.

Also, terrariums. Water features. Need to ask. Someone. The one who was making that super cool garter snake enclosure and blogging the progress? With the lazy river and pool? About maintenance on that kind of setup. My milk snake really enjoys water, and I'd love to put a water feature in his tank. But I'm unclear on how to keep it clean, or honestly where to start. Don't want any huge falls or anything, though it actually may not make the humidity too high if I did maybe a small drip wall into the pool? That seems like something he would enjoy, and a good way to support different types of plants. But like, that's the thing, it's bioactive and I haven't done that before and no amount of research is ever enough.

Oh, Shogun has a dirt hat. How cute. I love when they do that

See, this is the thing. My snakes make me so happy. All three of them are actually hanging out where I can see them from my bed right now, and it's really nice. I want their lives to be the best possible, and I think I have the resources to do that. Which is so exciting. Now if only my brain and body would cooperate. It would hurt quite a lot to have to re-home any of them, but the most important thing is their health and quality of life, you know? If I can't get my act together somewhat, it may be that one or all of them would be better off with another keeper. I don't know. It's just, i talk about all these tank ideas and all this husbandry standards stuff but how much of it actually gets applied to my own animals whose lives are in my hands? How well am I caring for them, really?

Oh!!! My red thread! I thought that was gone forever.

Anyway, please do not worry. My snakes are healthy. I pay attention, and watch for signs of illness, and they're okay. There will always be places to improve, and the water is a big one, but most of the time i change their water out frequently, I'm just worried because of bad depression and fatigue times, you know? I'm working on making the most self sustaining systems i can, in part so that I am sure they'll be okay if I mess up sometimes. Just saying this because I hope you guys don't feel like you need to worry about the welfare of my pets. They're okay, i just always want better for them, is all.

Anyway, the sun is coming up and I should probably go to sleep. So uh, thanks for reading, if you read all of this randomness, and if anyone has thoughts or advice on anything in this post, i would welcome it! Good night!

[arandompostarchive]

SALEM - Ch. 8

SAVED WORK

Summary: In all the centuries of your existence, you had never been dragged out of hiding by another god, put in a superhero team and forced to save the universe. But it seems your luck has run out.

_______________

“So he’s gone? Again? Sorry, is this a bad time to say I told you so? Cause it seems appropriate right about now.” Tony said.

Bruce had found out you were missing, and he had only talked to you about three hours ago. He had found a small note saying that if you were gone longer than two weeks he should open it. Of course, he wanted to open it then and there, but he wouldn’t be surprised if you put some sort of magic timer or something on it to make sure he didn’t open it. You probably didn’t… but you definitely would.

Either way, you were gone and one of his ships was stolen. Granted, it wasn’t any of the ones he actually cared about, but still. It was more about principle.

Everyone had gathered in the common room, sitting on different pieces of furniture, doing their best to not only figure out what happened, but how to deal with it.

“Tony, now isn’t the time.” Steve said. “But, to be fair, we did tell you so.”

Thor thought for a second, deciding what to say. He knew the two of you didn’t just vanish. “They didn’t just disappear. My brother asked if I wanted to help take out Ker, I said yes, but with the team’s help. He left pretty quickly after that. I think they’re just trying to help.”

Tony scoffed, “Okay, well this isn’t very helpful. What would have been helpful is to have the two people who know anything about Ker here with us. That would’ve been nice. And as I’ve heard Y/n point out, myths aren’t always accurate, so all we know is that she’s a weird teleporting sorta-goddess. That’s basically nothing. We don’t know where she’s from or where she’s going. Or, more importantly, what the plan is here.”

He was right of course. You could tell them everything they needed to know, but you left almost nothing behind. A small part of Tony thought that might be the point. That maybe you didn’t want anyone else hurt, it was something you would do. Find some way to prove you’re the hero.

As far as he was concerned, you had proved that a long time ago.

But Loki was with you, and Tony didn’t trust him as far as he could throw him.

You had taken all of your weapons, from guns to spears. Part of him was terrified. If you really thought you would need all of that, what were you getting yourself into? Everyone else in the common room seemed to have the same thought. Steve stood from his seat, pacing a bit.

Your letter was on a table nearby. Every so often he’d glance at it, trying to figure out what you were doing that would take two weeks.

“Do you think it’s possible Loki forced her to go? I mean, it’s not like he hasn’t done it before?” Clint asked a very unamused expression was plastered all over his face.

Tony laughed a bit, looking back at Clint. “Yeah, I really don’t think he could force Y/n to do anything, and even if he did, she’d put up a fight. Maybe she dragged him into it?”

Natasha looked up at Tony and Steve, nodding her head. “That’s possible, but Thor said Loki talked to him. I think they both left willingly. They’re the two people in this tower that we still don’t trust.”

Tony scoffed, “No, Capsicle, I think that’s just you.”

Steve glared a bit, “Well, you can’t tell me you trust Loki.”

Tony grumbled a ‘fair enough’ before looking around the room. Steve started speaking again. “What we need to do now is try to figure out where they are and what they’re doing. They’ve got a lot more info than we do. Tony, she left you a note right? It says two weeks but we should open it now. It might tell us what’s happening.

Tony shook his head, “Yeah, it’s a no-go Cap, I tried that. She did something to it, but there’s no getting that thing open.”

Tony had 13 days until he opened your note. He wasn’t sure whether he hoped he would never read it, or if he hoped 13 days would go by and he could have an explanation already. Either way, he knew something was wrong.

***

13 Days Left

Shapeshifting was the perfect ability when it came to sneaking around. Turning a completely different person hell— a completely different species— made hiding in plain sight easy.

It was too bad you didn’t have that advantage. So now, you were stuck with Loki, who was disguised as a human with short hair, granted being human was definitely out of place, but with all the species you saw, you didn’t think people would care that much.

Luckily, sneaking in wasn’t insanely hard. All you had to do was insist you were there to join the army, something that no general would turn down, extra hands. You carried your weapon on your back, a small strap made it much easier than carrying it behind you. Loki had a few daggers at his side, even though you thought there were much more useful weapons, he didn’t seem to care. So, now you were infiltrating an alien army to find a glowing blue cube. Admittedly, this isn’t how you thought you were going to spend your Tuesday.

The army’s base was dirtier than you would’ve liked, not that you were expecting it to be perfect. Dirt covered the floors and the mud people tracked around certainly wasn’t helping. Loki didn’t seem any more comfortable than you were. He held on loosely to your forearm, leading you down a hallway. There weren’t many people around, hopefully, something else was going on.

“Alright, Y/n. We need to split up. It will be easier for us to talk with more people that way. Find someone who knows something or someone—anyone who knows anything. Then meet me back here when everyone goes to sleep, whenever that is. Hopefully, someone here saw it.” You nodded. Loki left in one direction and you went to the other.

As you walked down the hall, you could hear shouting in the distance. The hallways smelled metallic, you were confused before you took a close look at the walls. You were certain the red staining the walls was blood, but there was no way in the universe you were going to test that. The blood dripped from deep scratches that littered the wall, almost certainly the result of some brawl that had broken out recently. It was clearer now that most of the ‘mud’ was likely blood, make you all the more uncomfortable. The shouts got louder and louder and you approached a room full of aggressive-looking soldiers.

One of the larger ones, who reminded you of an oversized lizard, was slamming another against the wall, cracking it behind the soldier. The room erupted in cheers, and you decided to avoid them. Not that you couldn’t take them, but they didn’t seem like the type who would keep tabs on relevant information. Lucky for you, you eventually found some sort of computer room. Just a few guards there, chatting about something or other. Loud thuds from other rooms echoed in the hall, screams bounced around, but it all fell on deaf ears. They barely acknowledged that anything, even laughing at some of the more painful sounding ones. It only made you sad, people dying— likely being torn apart— and people laughing at the thought.

Part of you was slightly okay with taking the more violent option here, but you weren’t going to do that again. So, you went the sneaky way. Seemed Loki had really rubbed off on you. Of course, there was the chance that they didn’t know anything, but hey, worth a shot, right?

You took a deep breath, gripping your necklace tightly. Shadows rose from the hall, swirling in front of you. Pure darkness, the complete absence of light and heat. If you weren’t used to it, you would’ve spent hours looking into it. They swirled into a vague outline of a person. The edges melted into the scenery behind it, and you could feel the hair of your arm stand up at the cold. It slid past you, and into the room. The conversation immediately ended. You could hear the chairs they sat on slid back across the floor, probably scraping up dirt. One of them started yelling about attacking before you just heard muffled screaming. No, you weren’t going to kill him. Of course not, but he’d be much easier to deal with unconscious. The two others started making the same noise before it all went silent. The shadow drifted back out of the room before completely evaporating, sliding back into its place on the floor.

You walked in easily, a slew of weapons were scattered on the floor, admittedly a lot more than you expected three men to have. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t shut off the computers, so accessing information was easy. Right now, you were thankful for allspeak, but the computer gibberish still didn’t make much sense. You closed the door behind you once you heard people in the hall. Guess it still wasn’t lights out, or whatever their version of that was.

From what you could make out, something that sounded like the Tesseract was recovered. “A glowing box” was all it said. Apparently, a soldier had found it and was encouraged to use it “to benefit the empire”, and honestly it was extremely unclear what that meant. After a while, you determined that was about all you were getting. But it did say that the soldier had turned a small amount of money over to authorities, so it was safe to say he sold it. Although he might’ve gone off-world, the easier option would’ve been to sell it to the bounty hunters. So I guess that’s where you need to look. Next to the soldier’s name, there was a picture of him. He looked smaller than you expected. Significantly smaller than any of the other soldiers you had seen, and a bit more human-looking too. If you were being honest, he could almost pass for human, if it weren’t for the small, pointed ears. There was a small section in his profile that said “Room Unit”, and across from it was a “13-A”, but considering you had just gotten there and barely know anything about the Empire, you thought it best to just ask around with bounty hunters, make a few empty threats, and leave with whatever info you needed.

You swung the door open quietly, making sure to close out of the soldier’s profile. The halls had emptied and the shouts had since died down. You weren’t certain what to attribute this to, but you decided to meet back up with Loki.

Lucky for you, it really wasn’t that hard to find your way back to the hallway you started in. You just made sure not to stop and stare at the fresh blood. You were thankful you didn’t go far in your search. There was a small room in the hall, it was empty and it was comparable to one of Tony’s break rooms he had in the old tower.

When you got back into the hall Loki looked like he had just arrived. He had a hand against his side, and you could see a dark stain against the fabric of his tunic.

“What the hell happened to you?”

He sighed, “If I am honest, I think it would be easier to say what didn’t happen.”

You stared at him for a second. It couldn’t have been more than two hours and he was already bleeding?

“You’ve gotta be kidding me. What did you do, start a fight?” You went to move his hand a bit, at least to examine what kind of wound you were dealing with. It was deep, there was no doubt about that. Loki could heal, but nothing miraculous, and he didn’t seem to be in a good enough state to even attempt healing. Your abilities really only gave you resilience, unless he just wanted you to cover the wound, you were pretty useless outside of skills you learned from Dr. Cho when she was willing to let you listen in.

“Actually, yes. I did start a fight and I’m sure you’ll be happy to know I won.” You rolled your eyes.

“My hero.” He put his hand back over the wound and you started speaking. “So, did you manage to find anything? Or did you spend the whole time getting stabbed?”

He laughed a bit but stopped and winced at the action. He held his hand tighter, holding his hand tighter against his side. “Yes, I ran into a soldier who sold it. It seems I underestimated him.” You were a bit surprised.

“That guy? I saw him, didn’t look like warrior material.” Loki nodded with you, pushing on the door of the nearby room you had open. He took a seat on the first chair he saw and took a moment to breathe. He was clearly in a lot of pain, and you weren’t certain how to help.

“Well, it seems he’s still in this army for a reason. Impressive magic, I will say that. If it weren’t for his friends it would’ve gone a lot smoother though.” He removed his hand from the wound, examining the state of his clothes. “Shame, I really did like this outfit.” You smiled a bit. Well, he can’t be too hurt if he’s making jokes, right?

“We should go Loki.”

He shook his head a bit, standing only to lose the door more. “He said he sold it, that’s it. I have no other information.”

That’s when you started speaking, “Loki I checked a computer file, he sold it to the bounty hunters. I mean, if he was going to sell it, why go far?” He nodded. “Now the only problem is making sure you don’t die on me.” He laughed.

“Believe me, darling, I’m not planning on it.” He stood, walking towards the door with you swiftly after him.

“We’re going to have to find your medical supplies, you know that.” You tried to keep your voice down. The screams and shouts from earlier had died down, leaving the hallway silent, save for the sound of your shoes hitting the floor. Loki headed for the door, mumbling something about having supplies on the ship. You were thankful he brought them because you definitely didn’t.

Unsurprisingly, the lack of people didn’t mean there weren’t any guards around, just that they were stationed outside now.

“Any ideas, Loki?” You said, looking at the guards in front of you. They were directly outside of the entrance you came in, chatting about something or other. Another guard walked by, nodding to them before continuing to walk towards the two of you. You pulled Loki to the side of the door, pushing your backs flush against the cold metal wall. He sighed a bit, probably in relief. “Well?” You said, looking over at him.

He took a second to think before turning into the guard that had just passed you, a rather tall man with purple-tinted skin. Loki stood up before offering you his hand and pulling you up. “Let’s see if we can get past them.” He said.

“Uh, I don’t like that lack of confidence.” You said, but he had started to walk around the door.

The second he walked out, the guards spotted the two of you immediately, although that wasn’t very surprising. They stopped talking and turned towards you two. They had the same purple tinted skin, and one was much shorter than the other. They looked a bit scruffy, to say the least. Unkempt beards and hair jutting out from all sides under their helmets.

“Mal?” The shorter one asked. “Why are you back out, didn’t someone take over for you?” The shorter one said. He looked more confused than suspicious, especially by you.

Loki nodded. “Yeah, new recruit. Doesn’t know her way around.” You smiled shyly, waving a bit. The guard nodded and turned away. You headed towards the outside of their compound, sneaking past most of the other guards and letting Loki improvise his way through the others.

Once you were out, you ran. Sure, they probably thought that was pretty damn suspicious, but it’s not like you were going back. You ran for a while, doing your best to subtly assist Loki. His hand went up to his side every once in a while, doing his best not to seem like he was hurt too badly. Eventually, you got to your ship. Loki looked like he was about to keel over, so you thought that was a good time to get some medical supplies. He sat outside the ship, hand close against his side. Gods can take hits, there’s no doubt about that. But he wasn’t healing, not even a little. He shifted back into himself while taking a deep, shaky, breath.

“What the hell did you get stabbed with?” You said, bringing over a bag of medical supplies.

Loki sighed, taking off his tunic. “I don’t know. I’ve been stabbed before, this was worse. It burned. It was like my skin was refusing to heal itself. I fear someone knew we were here.”

You nodded. It looked like a fairly normal wound, but when you looked closer you could see small burns around it, branch out from the one wound. You sighed. “I think you’ve got to heal the human way now.” Loki made some sound of disappointment, but let you continue cleaning and bandaging it. He hissed every once in a while in response to any cleaning solutions you used, but you were done quickly and he pulled his tunic back on, sitting with you on the soft grass.

“You know,” You started, “I think I’m gonna miss this grass. It’s like petting a really fluffy cat.” As much as you wanted to go home, you tried to look on the bright side. Night on a beautiful foreign planet? Not bad.

Loki smiled at you, “I’ll take your word for it.” He leaned back into the ground, looking up into the stars. You looked for a minute or two before you processed that this isn’t your sky, or your stars, or you planet. All new constellations. Part of you was thrilled at the thought, but the other part just wanted to go home even more now.

Your hand went through the grass, before you touched some sort of plant. A small thorn dug its way under your skin, and you jerked your hand away on instinct. The thorn tore a cut in your skin all the way down your finger and a few small drops of blood dripped from the cut, sliding down your arm and staining your skin. It only stung a bit, but the momentary pain took your attention away from the grass which made Loki turn to you.

“You’re bleeding?” He said, reaching for the first aid kit on your other side. The action made his side shift, and he hissed in pain when he finally grabbed it. You rolled your eyes and took it from him.

“Loki, I’m fine. You were stabbed, it’s just a cut.” He laughed a bit, he’s literally got a hole in his side and he’s worried about a thorn.

He nodded, “Yes, but you’re bleeding?”

“So are you! I’m fine, I’ll just grab a band-aid.” He looked over to the plant behind you, plucking it from its spot in the dirt. He avoided the thorns on the flower. There was no doubt it was pretty. It reminded you of a rose, but with a much darker purple than the grass. The thorns were larger too, looking more like spikes along the thick stem. He placed it down, checking to see if there were any more around you. He found two others, both smaller and not in bloom like the first one.

“They are pretty, as much as they hurt.” You said. He nodded, picking up the first one and examining it. It was beautiful, there was no doubt about that. “Loki, look at this.” You showed it to him, admiring how the moonlight seemed to bounce off the petals, making them look more iridescent. “They’re gorgeous.”

You pick up the other ones as well, make a small bundle and standing up to put them inside. “C’mon. At least I’ll be able to show Peter something cool from another planet.” You said. You walk into your ship, Loki close behind you as you found a nice place to sleep. Admittedly, you were worried. If you find the Tesseract, you might need to leave immediately. Bounty hunters usually don’t appreciate thieves. If you don’t, you’ll have to do things the hard way. The really hard way.

You found somewhere and curled up, slipping into a dark, dreamless sleep. You could swear you felt the soft ghost of a kiss on your forehead.

***

“Okay. So, where would you go to sell the Tesseract?” You asked, entering the bounty hunter’s town— if you could even call it that. It was more like a group of buildings. Poorly made and thrown together, although it was surprisingly cleaner than the soldier’s facility. There were certainly blood stains, but it seemed someone was nice enough to clean most of them off, although not all the stains were the same deep red you were used to with humans, even though yours was much darker.

Loki took the lead, poking his head into bars, something that could be found every five feet. Loki’s idea wasn’t a bad one. That soldier, whoever he may have been, sold the Tesseract recently. Apparently, one or two people had destroyed themselves grabbing it with their bare hands. Loki thought that a find like that had to be celebrated. Somewhere, in this whole town. There had to be someone excited about it.

Loki was looking around the next bar while you stayed outside. Crowds of loud, drunk, people really weren’t your thing. Until you saw a small light out of the corner of your eye. Someone with a hood over their head was holding something small, wrapped in fabrics. You could see the smallest amount of blue peeking out of the corner. The person waited a second, glancing around, so you looked away. Loki came out a second or two after, just as you had started to subtly follow the person, whoever they were.

“Everyone in there is too intoxicated to even answer me.” He said. You weren’t focused on that. You put a finger to your lips, pointing towards the person who was walking away. You followed, Loki with you. “They have it.” He said in realization, close behind you. You nodded and continued walking, doing your best to stay quiet, but not obviously follow them.

Loki’s theory was near right, since the person handed off the Tesseract to someone else who handed them a bag of something. Your new suspect immediately walked in a bar, either to celebrate like Loki guessed, or pawn it off to some drunk who would pay much more than necessary to get their hands on it.

You followed them in, Loki close behind. You straightened up, doing your best not to look out of place. No one blinked when you walked in, continuing on their drunk tirades about something or other. Your new suspect had taken off a coat, and you could clearly make out the face of a man, looking the Tesseract over.

Now, all you needed was a plan. “I’ll try to talk to him, you take it while he’s distracted. If I see a chance to grab it, then I’ll try. Then, we run.” You said, barely staying long enough to see Loki’s small nod.

You weren’t one for clever plans. Although you could come up with a well-thought-out prank, an actual battle plan was not something you were known for. Most of your best ideas could be boiled down to ‘punch it harder’, something that only worked about 70% of the time, much to Steve’s dismay.

You walked up to the man pretty easily, he had already chugged some kind of drink, and called for a second one at his table. The second you came into his peripheral, he smiled, calling over another drink.

He didn’t seem too bright, especially for someone literally holding an infinity stone, but all you had to do was play dumber than him, and he’d end up doing something stupid. Three drinks in, and he hadn’t really noticed how drunk you weren’t. A small glass of whatever it was he was chugging hardly made you tipsy. Most of the time, you were sure if this was a perk or a setback of being a god.

“Hey, you know, I just got a new item, worth a lot of cash.” This made you think for a second. Either, you’re dealing with the dumbest person in this universe, offering to show you an infinity stone because you laughed at his shitty jokes, or the smartest. Who’d pegged you for stupid and planned to get you to want this ‘new item’.

“Oh, yeah? What is it?” Honestly, part of you was just curious where he was going with this.

“Not sure honestly, wanna see?” Okay. Still the dumbest.

You nodded, watching as you took the fabric and uncovered it, the small swirling light beneath. You inwardly let out a sigh of relief when you saw it was the real thing. You faked a small gasp, seeming much more amazed than you really were, wrapped up in how pretty it was. You fiddled with the fabric as he chugged another drink. He was tipsy, that was for sure. The bartender kept refilling his glass, probably to rack up his tab more than anything. But it definitely served your purpose too. Until you noticed Loki missing, and the fact that the ‘bartender’ seemed to only be around your table. Sneaky bastard.

You took the opportunity to ask questions about the man, getting him to ramble on about his sister’s husband, or something like that, and Loki refilled his drink, taking the Tesseract and leaving behind a similar lump of fabric, something he seemed to have swiped off another patron. You laughed at some terrible joke he made and excused yourself, mumbling something about getting a drink. He smiled at you, finishing off another drink easily. Loki led you out, changing form back into himself the second you were outside.

You smiled, glancing over to Loki who spoke, “Well, that was much easier than expected. Honestly, I thought something was going to go wrong.”

You heard a crash from inside the bar. “Really. You really had to say something?” You said, rolling your eyes. You ducked into an ally nearby, watching the man stumble drunkenly out of the bar, shouting for “that pretty bitch”.

“I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment.” You said, taking the Tesseract from Loki and unwrapping it. You gripped it in your hand, it felt odd against your hands. Cold, but hot. It was smooth, comparable to clean glass, but you didn’t have time to marvel in it. You turned to Loki, smirking.

“Ready to go to hell?” You said. He smiled in return.

“Born ready.”

In a flash of blue, you were gone, and the cool breeze of Kalan faded into hot, stagnant air all around you.

***

[kittypurritto]

Helllu! I see you've been watching lots of chinese/korean dramas. Can you rec your favs?

 Hello!! Of course I can n.n (sorry it took so long to answer, I kept making changes to this aha). I’ve decided to list my current top 3 favourites, because apparently I’ve watched a lot.

Okay guys, here goes.

Chinese dramas:

So lately the past year or so of my life has been consumed by cdrams (and recently kdramas by extension), but here are some of my faves that I’ve watched.

The Untamed

Anyone who follows my blog knows my crazy obsession with this amazing show. It’s based off of a novel called the Grandmaster of demonic cultivation (has an anime with the same name– s2 is slowly being released right now). The story takes place in a world ruled by the evil Wen Sect. Wei Ying and Lan Zhan cross paths and become good friends (hardcore bromance). Wei Ying tries to save innocent Wen from death, and in the end, he lost almost everything. After going missing for 16 years, the pair find each other again and try to find the real villain.

It’s full of action, mystery, adventure, heart ache, supernatural ghouls, longing, whumping, and an amazingly attractive cast that should honestly be illegal. If you’re looking for a show with lots of emotional pain that will swallow you whole, then you’re in the right place. 

P/s. the 2 mains sing their love song which makes it that much more beautiful/painful.

Ps/s. IT ALSO JUST GOT PUT ONTO NETFLIX GUYS. No excuses not to binge it, and when you do, dm me so we can fangirl together.

Guardian

Another drama based off of a novel, with gay bros, longing, and adventure. Shen Wei is an immortal (kind of), and currently a university professor that has been waiting centuries for his lover/friend (Yunlan) to repay him for what he gave Shen Wei and will do anything for him. Zhao Yunlan is the head of the SID, a department that solves mysteries and crimes with supernatural origins. Together they help save others, solve mysteries, and save the world from Shen Wei’s evil twin brother. 

 All I can say about this one is that if you haven’t seen it, you’re seriously missing out (but warning, the cgi is horrible lmao). It was also super amazing seeing Zhu Yilong in a main role like this. The king of micro-expression seriously doesn’t let us down. 

Legend of Fuyao

This show had consumed my soul for about a full month and a half until I finished it. When I finished watching, it left me sad that it was over. Got to be honest, the ending is still a bit confusing, but is still worth the watch. This is an epic love story about Fuyao, an orphan looking for adventure, but gets caught in a fight between kingdoms and destiny. Along the way, she meets the Crown Prince and they fall in love, but destiny has their fates already decided. They are on the opposite sides of good and evil and need to decide whether one lives and the other dies. It’s got amazing fight scenes and a really attractive male lead (his first lead in a show I believe). Super amazing acting, because let’s be real, any show with Yang Mi is an automatically good show. She’s just too amazing.

Other honourable mentions: Granting you a dreamlike life, Eternal Love, Untouchable Lovers, the Rise of Phoenixes, Detective L– were amazing shows I could rewatch until I die.

Side note: I am super excited for Xiao Zhan’s Jade Dynasty. So hopefully that movie will be available to us soon.

Korean Dramas:

All right guys. I’ve only recently started watching korean shows about half a year ago or so, so I haven’t seen too many, but the ones I have seen I’ve fallen into a deep love with that keeps me going lol.

My Country: The New Age (ongoing)

This show only has 8 episodes so far and I can’t tell you all how amazing this show is. Words can literally not even describe how much it’s consuming every waking second of my life right now. I think the main reason is Seon ho, who started off as someone you respect, but is constantly doing bad shit. He tries to salvage good things from the wrecks he keeps making, but who knows how long that will last. He is ambiguous and slowly turning into a villain. He is slowly turning into the things he wants to destroy and it’s heartbreaking. My heart aches for him and Hwi all the damn time. I just want them to be bff again and stop fighting, but of course this won’t happen. This show has political turmoil and a country at war with a royal family and council who just wants to watch the world burn. Of course, this means manipulating everyone to get what they want, but both Hwi and SH are trying to play their own game, accidentally putting themselves against each other constantly. Watch for heart break, friendship (sometimes), and very attractive male leads aha.

Also, the music is 1000000 thumbs up. All I can say is PLEASE WATCH IT AND FREAK OUT WITH ME.

It’s on netflix, so guys, no excuse lol (DM me to fangirl with me

Black

I don’t want to spoil too much about this show because it’s honestly an experience. It’s about a girl who can see when people are going to die because of the shadows that follow them. She meets a childhood friend, who has a secret, and he asks her to help him solve crimes and protect people from dying, but of course he has his own plans. Get ready for a funny and badass female lead guys.

It’s the first korean drama I watched and will always be one of my faves. It’s an incredible murder-mystery story with more layers than a damn onion. It’ll keep you on your toes and the ending makes me cri evry tiem.

Arthdal Chronicles

At first I thought this show was kind of weird, but an episode in and I was hooked. This show is difficult to explain, but it starts with a war between Arth and the Neanthal. 2 legendary babies get separated and live in opposite parts of the country. This show is hard to describe but it follows the 3 mains, Eunsom, Tanya, and Saya (and Tagon/ Taelha lol) and their fight through tragedy, and sometimes hell on Arth (lol – like hell on earth – am I funny yet). It’s all about a fight for power and revenge among the tribes. Every single character in this show has a different reason, but they all want power to get revenge, basically.

The fantasy aspect of this show and the different ‘species’ are incredible. It does get very political, but the fun of it is all the plotting, and how the characters fix their plans that don’t work out. Half way through I kept screaming at my TV for the mains (Tanya/Saya specifically) to just fkking talk to each other ughhh. Also, Saya will be my favourite unstable boy forever. 

It has 18 episodes on netflix so far, but just signed up for 2 more seasons (thank god because if they stopped at 18 eps I’d pull a Rosa Diaz and kill everyone and then myself -.-”). I can’t wait for it to come back. GIVE ME MORE CONTENT.

Other honourable mentions: Hwarang, Rookie Historian Goo Hae-Ryung (not finished it yet, which is why it’s not up in my top 3), Missing 9, W Two worlds, Warrior Baek Dong Soo.

Thanks for reading and requesting!

I am always looking for new shows to watch, so send me recs too. I find my favourite ones are the historical dramas. But let me knoww!

[pilot-boi]

New Residents: Chapter 1

Okay fine, maybe running off on a space adventure with no money and jobs wasn’t the best idea in the world. They needed more help, the kind that could actually help out.

Now all Ren had to do to achieve that was corral his friend. A friend who had the best intentions in the galaxy, but the attention span of a golden retriever.

They could barely support themselves enough to keep fuel in the ship and food on the table. And it didn’t help anything that Jaune kept trying to bring home strays.

Man’s Best Friend

Traveling the galaxy unsupervised was all well and good. Unless you got distracted by everything that moved.

AO3 LINK

“We are just here to get food, and that is it,” Ren told Jaune. “No distractions this time. We don’t have enough money for that.”

“I didn’t get that distracted,” Jaune argued.

Ren gave him a stern look.

“I said I was sorry! They were very persistent.”

“Sorry doesn’t buy fuel, Jaune. Or food. We don’t have that much money left, and we need to get supplies.”

“I’ll be careful this time. I promise.”

“Good,” Ren grabbed their packs, leaving their ship. “Let’s go.”

The planet that they were on was mostly markets. Ships came and went, buying and selling goods constantly. There were some shops that stayed, but most were only around for a day or two at a time. It was a merchants dream. 

Buyers from all around the galaxy, a vibrant array of items to sell and buy, and a reputation that could improve a merchant’s sales immensely. Fortunately, despite the ever-changing layout of shops, it was always easy to find whatever was needed, and sometimes, what wasn’t.

Jaune and Ren made their way into the depths of the crowds. Merchants shouted their various wares from stalls lining the streets. A few kids pushed through the legs of the adults, chasing after a ball. Scents from food stalls wafted over the crowds.

Jaune’s stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten all day, and he swore he could smell dinosaur chicken nuggets standing out among the other scents. He looked up at Ren, who was scanning the stalls around them for one selling fuel.

“I’m hungry,” he whined, putting on his best sad face.

“We’re buying food.”

“No, I’m hungry right now.”

“We’ll have food we can make on the ship.”

“You sound like my mother,” Jaune grumbled, folding his arms and pouting.

“At least one of us does,” Ren countered. “We can’t afford to buy from the stalls here. They’re all going to be overpriced, and you know it.”

They passed by a stall selling juicy racks of meat with roasted vegetables. Jaune’s stomach rumbled loud enough to hear over the crowds.

“Please,” Jaune begged. “I’m gonna starve, Ren.”

“You’ll live,” he handed a list to Jaune. “Now go see if you can find a stall that sells this fuel. I’ll handle food, since I don’t trust you to not spend all our money on vendor food.”

Jaune huffed and snatched the list out of Ren’s hand. “Aren’t you going to give me any money to buy said fuel with?”

“No, because I don’t trust you.”

Jaune rolled his eyes and turned on his heel, stalking out into the crowd. It was impossible to walk without bumping into someone. The crowds were tightly packed, and it seemed that every tall species had decided that today was the day to shop. Jaune couldn’t see a damn thing.

He pushed past a pair of bickering Velms, not bothering to apologize, and emerged in front of a food stall selling fresh fruits. One of the people who had just bought some of the fruit took a bite, the juice dribbling down their chin.

“Shut up,” he muttered to his growling stomach. Jaune had to strongly resist the urge to just pick one fruit from the basket of an unsuspecting customer. He couldn’t get in trouble here, especially not when he was separated from Ren.

Ren wouldn’t know. It would be fine. Right?

No, it would be wrong to steal. Jaune didn’t want to steal.

Suddenly, the customer he had been eying pushed past him, jostling the basket hooked on their arm. A single pear-shaped fruit bounced out, and Jaune caught it deftly in his hand. The alien appeared to be completely unaware of their loss, and disappeared into the crowd. 

Jaune looked around, checking to see if anyone noticed him holding the sort-of-not-really-stolen-fruit. He then took a bite of the delicious fruit and kept walking, a grin plastered on his face.

Ha! Take that Ren. He’d gotten food without spending money or stealing.

He was just about to take the last bite of the fruit when he noticed something staring at him from one of the alleyways. Curious, Jaune took a few steps towards it, keeping his body low.  

The creature backed up into the alleyway, keeping their distance. They were afraid of him.

“It’s okay,” Jaune said softly. “Here.” He held the rest of his fruit out in front of him.

It slowly moved forwards, stepping cautiously out of the shadows. It looked like a dog, but made of a green, goopy substance. The goo was dirty, like they hadn’t been cleaned in a long time.

Jaune smiled at the creature, and it cautiously moved towards him, taking the fruit out of his hand and leaving behind some green slobber.

“Aren’t you just the cutest?” He moved to sit down. The goopy dog scuttled backwards and Jaune froze. “Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay. See?” He held up his hands, slowly lowering himself down. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’m nice. Nice Jaune.”

The creature hesitated, and then approached again. It licked one of Jaune’s hands with its gooey tongue, licking off the remaining juice from the fruit. It felt almost soft, and was hardly stickier than the fruit had been.

“See? Nice,” Jaune smiled at the dog. Slowly, he lifted his other hand and began to pick off bits of litter that had gotten stuck in the poor animal. He moved slowly, making sure that the dog knew he was trying to help. Sudden movements still seemed to scare her.

Suddenly, Jaune’s communicator began to blink and beep softly. The dog seemed intrigued by the flashing blue light. She moved closer, almost touching Jaune. He stayed as still as he could, letting the dog stare at the dancing lights. 

Slowly, Jaune moved his other hand to press the answer button. Ren’s voice came through suddenly, slightly muffled by the crowd apparently around him.

“Jaune, where are you? Have you found fuel yet?” Ren sounded worried, as usual.

“No, not yet,” Jaune replied standing up slowly. “I got sidetracked.” He could hear Ren’s frustration from across the communicator.

“By what, Jaune?”

“I found a dog? I think. It looks like a dog, anyways. Like if a dog were made of green goop. She’s really friendly.”

“We’re not getting a dog, Jaune,” Ren said sternly. “We can hardly afford to feed ourselves.”

Jaune sighed. He looked down at the dog, searching for a collar. There was none. “Can I at least try to find the owners? I can’t just leave her here.”

Ren sighed, “Fine. Where are you?”

---

They had been going around to stalls for what felt like ages. The twin suns were beginning to set, and floating lanterns began to light up. They had everything they needed to leave, but Jaune was dead set on finding the owner, or owners, of the dog, which he had named Petey, much to Ren’s chagrin.

Jaune refused to be embarrassed when Ren brought up that he’d named an actual living creature after his favourite cereal. And also shut up Ren, Petey could be a girl’s name, shut up.

“Why are you so determined to find this thing’s owner?” Ren asked as they walked away from a fish-selling stand. “It’s not really your business.”

Jaune looked over at him. “It’s… it’s just a thing my dad taught me.”

Ren faltered. Jaune didn’t talk much about his dad anymore. His dad had died when they were in high school… it had taken a lot out of him.

“One time my dad took me to one of the few lakes on Ventos Beta,” Jaune began, “His home planet was almost entirely water, so he always liked it near the lake. We were walking along the shore, and there was this Balces dying on the dry land. That wasn’t unusual.” 

“They constantly swam too close to shore and got left in the tide pools once the water receded. But my dad…” Jaune shook his head, smiling fondly. “He just picked it up and threw it back out into the lake. Everytime we saw one, he picked it up and threw it back.”

“Wasn’t that kind of pointless?” Ren asked. “Those things are stupid. They’d just keep coming back. It doesn’t matter.”

“That’s what I thought too,” Jaune said. “And I asked my dad that. He just tossed another one back and said, ‘it mattered to that one.’ I guess it kind of stuck with me. There could be hundreds of stray pets on this planet, and I’ll never help all of them, but I can help this one.”

Ren hadn’t ever really gotten to know Jaune’s dad. He knew that he was a quiet, kind man who always came to school when Jaune got in trouble. He never yelled at Jaune for getting into fights. Never got angry or lost his temper. He just tried to help him be better.

He had been a good dad.

Finally, a shopkeeper waved them over. He had two sets of arms, one set waving, the other set clasped tightly around the handles on a basket of fruit. He smiled as the trio approached, waving at them causing the two green and yellow lines that ran down his arms to flash in the light.

“I believe you’re looking for that Dulcosi’s owner?” the shopkeeper asked, gently setting the basket of fruit down behind him.

“Yeah, do you know where we could find them?” Jaune asked, excited at finally finding a lead.

“Sure don’t,” the alien replied. “They left here ages ago. The poor thing-” He gestured to Petey. “-has been here ever since. No one wants the responsibility of taking care of her full time, but some of us food vendors will toss her something to eat when we can.”

Jaune knelt down next to the dog and rubbed gently behind her ears, still looking up at the shopkeeper. “She was abandoned? That’s awful.”

He felt sick. Who would abandon their puppy like that? He’d only known Petey for a little while but she was already the sweetest girl he had ever known.

“Sure was,” the shop owner said, shaking his head. He pulled a fruit out of the basket he’d set down and gave it to Petey. “They’re good pets. Loyal. Just need a family.”

Jaune looked up at Ren, putting on his best pleading face. This wasn’t just about his empty stomach anymore. This was for Petey.

Ren heaved a sigh, rubbing his forehead. Jaune wasn’t going to leave without this dog.

“There’s a pet supply shop just a couple streets down,” the shopkeeper said, winking knowingly. “Tell him Luxverd sent you, and he should give you a discount.”

Ren’s face was buried in his hands. He seemed to think that if he didn’t see Jaune then he would disappear. When he uncovered his face, however, Jaune was still there, holding Petey in his arms now.

The combination of Jaune’s pleading face, along with the dog happily panting at him with her tongue sticking out and wagging her tail was too much.

“Fine,” Ren groaned. “Where’s this shop?” He pulled out his map and let Luxverd point out where the shop would be. Not too far away. Ren shouldered his pack, forging out into the crowd. “Come on, Jaune.”

Jaune and the dog followed along behind, shit-eating grin plastered across his face, and Petey’s tag wagging furiously.

---

The shop was brightly lit, toys and pictures of various pets plastered on posters in the windows. The shopkeeper was waving goodbye to a happy looking alien who was carrying a kitten-esque creature in their arms. 

The shop owner looked to be the same species as Luxverd, except instead of green and yellow lines, he had two dark blue lines running down his cheeks. He turned his smile to Jaune and Ren as they approached.

“How can I help you?” he asked, extending one of his arms to Ren. “My name is Caelrune.”

“Ren,” he shook his hand. “We are… um…”

Jaune ignored the shopkeeper, darting to the toy shelf with Petey.

“I recognize that Dulcosi,” Caelrune said. “I suppose Luxverd sent you?”

Ren nodded, looking behind the shopkeeper to watch Jaune. He had set the dog down, and was showing her different toys. Every time Petey showed any interest in one, he added it to the growing pile in his arms.

“I should-” Ren started. Caelrune held up one of his arms, stopping him.

“Make sure your friend doesn’t buy my entire stock, yes.”

Ren nodded gratefully and walked past Caelrune and into the shop. Jaune was looking at bags of food now, the toys all in one basket. The dog was sniffing the different bags.

“Which one is it, girl?” He asked. “What do you want to eat?”

Petey leaned in to sniff a bright pink bag. Once she determined that she liked it, she butted her head against it, turning to pant at Jaune. He beamed and picked up the bag in his arms, almost toppling over from the weight.

“We’re not buying all of these toys,” Ren said, taking the bag of food from Jaune, who looked relieved. “We can’t afford all of them. We can barely afford to take care of ourselves!”

“We can manage,” Jaune said. “We always do.”

“At least put a few back,” Ren said, half-pleading. “She doesn’t need thirty different toys.”

Jaune frowned. He picked a few toys out of the basket, but didn’t like that decision so he put them back and picked a few different ones. He couldn’t decide which ones to put back. Petey deserved them all. Finally, Ren grabbed a random few and put them back on the shelf.

“This should be good,” he said, holding his arm out to stop Jaune from grabbing the toys again.

“Excellent,” Caelrune smiled at them and began calculating the cost.

---

Ren stared sadly at the small handful of currency they had left, while Jaune bounced happily alongside, playing tug-of-war with Petey. He sighed. He couldn’t stay mad at Jaune. Not when he was so happy with having a dog. 

Still… they needed money. Ren knew it wasn’t going to be easy when he had decided to join Jaune on this adventure. Nothing had ever been easy with Jaune.

They were going to have to find somewhere to earn some spare currency or this adventure was going to be cut short.

[babambatman]

Okay, I need a minute to rant. I was forced to read this book for school-- and I’m so sorry? Why? It’s not at all well done, there are a thousand other book that we could have studied instead?

The List, by Patricia Forde, was... it just was. The premise was interesting, the concept was cool, but at the end of the day it was just.. so poorly executed.

To start, the topic of the book is language. It’s a post-apocalyptic world where global warning happened, and now there's a group of people living in the settlement called the ark, which is lead by Noa (yes, like Noah and the Ark haha). The people there are limited in their use of words for reasons that I’ll rant about it in a bit, too. They speak “List” since their allowed words are a list of 500. Cool, kay? Don’t have a problem with that. Let’s explore how limiting human language to 500 words impacts how the characters interact, how that impacts the rest of the people and everything like that.

Except, ya know, the book just never??? explores that???? The main character, Letta, is exempt from the rule because she’s a Wordsmith (which means she documents, collects and creates lists of words.) Her mentor is exempt from the rule. The main side characters are rebels, so they don’t follow the list. Noa and his lover are exempt from the rule. Everyone important is fruggen exempt from the rule?? The only characters that adhere to the list are minor characters that Letta has little personal attachment to? Like thanks, but what the heck is the point of the list if it doesn’t even matter in the end??????

Oh, yeah, why do we have a list??? because... Global warming was bad, Noa tried to warn them, and no one listened. Politicians used their words to lie and lure the public into a false sense of security. Therefore, words are bad. Fine, so he’s trying to protect the people from being lied to, right? Trying to stop the deceit and lies that can be spread by words. That’s good. okay.

But Forde also throws in Noa... wanting all humans to be reduced to animals, because people think they’re superior to other animals, and they think that because of words... and... something about how people thinking they’re superior and exchanging ideas is bad because they're destroying themselves... or the environment? I’m not really sure but let’s pretend it made sense.

Both aren’t necessarily bad ideas to explore, but Forde muddles the two ideas... and Noa’s trying to protect people from words while not caring if they die in the process of removing the words. She mentions how the superior species will be destroyed by the earth-- like the dinosaurs-- and Noa wants to make them animals so that they’ll survive when the world... destroys them again(?), but then he shows no regard for them dying during or immediately after the process of making people animalistic??? It contradicts itself too much.

Okay, so beyond the list-- there are rebels called Desecrators, who don’t like noa and live outside the arc, because he bans speech, and creativity like art and music. Benjamin, Letta’s mentor, leaves to go search for words in the forest that surrounds the ark (they look for labels and stuff that may hold words from the old world). While he’s gone, a desecrator, Marlo, hides in her shop and she helps him hide from the gavvers, which are basically police. She contacts other desecrators to help him get home, since he is wounded. Noa calls Letta to announce that Benjamin is dead, some things don’t add up about his death, so Letta goes to explore what is up with that. Because she’s sneaking around to figure out what happened with Benjamin, Noa comes to her shop and is like, “yo, if you wanna know something just ask, cuz I don’t like people snooping behind my back.” Shes cool with that, so she goes to ask him about adding hope to the list of words because that had all correlation about figuring out how Benjamin died, and overhears that Benjamin is alive and being tortured by Noa. 

Thus, she teams up with the desecrators to save her mentor, and in the process they find out that Benjamin is being tortured because he didn’t agree with Noa’s plan to make people wordless and essentially animals. Benjamin dies. They foil Noa’s plan. the end.

realtionship are... very stale in this. Letta and benjamin interact for two second before he leaves on his word search, and theres nothing we know about what they think of eachother? Is he important to her? is he just a teacher? does she consider him like a father? who knows cuz i don’t. He’s then declared dead. Letta’s sad and is in shock but... why? I don’t even know why he’s important to you? So I just don’t care???? Like, thanks, but Letta went on a whole ass journey looking for you but I can’t tell you why or how you’re important to her. Its only two seconds before Benjamin dies for real that Forde is like, oh yeah, Letta loves him, he’s her father figure, mentor, friend, ext-- like thanks. Now he’s dead. ya could have told me that before. 

Letta’s relationship with noa? weird??? Apparently, he’s her uncle-ish. his lover amilia’s sister is Letta’s mother. But Letta’s mother didn’t agree with what Noa was doing and just.. left. There is no emotional turmoil in discovering that her mother had abandoned her, and on top of that... Noa and Letta dont have a relationship? Like, Forde says he loves letta because he knew her when she was little, but when Letta’s mother left, amilia didn’t want anything to do with her. Noa makes no attempt to come visit Letta when she’s a child. There aren’t really any familial moments between them. by the time they start interacting again, latta is involved with the rebels and we know Noa is evil.

Benjamin and Noa? Apparently friends. even though we never see them interact, except for when Noa is torturing Benjamin when he refuses to agree with Noa’s plan to animilsize people.

In both of these relationships there's no sense of betrayal, despite the fact that they were apparently very important to each other.

Motivations are all over the place? Letta’s described as a blind follower to Noa but... she doesn’t really act like it? Like, she goes behind his back to look at bejamin’s death... why? just ask Noa? when Noa comes and says, hey, stop snooping and just ask me, shes like Kay cool i’ll do that I trust you. But then why did you snoop in the fist place that makes no sensssseesesesrukhgefjchdgl

When Marlo, a rebel, comes into her house and is being hunted down by the police she hides him... even though she doesnt know him or what hes done wrong, knows that Noa wants him arrested... and is a blind follower to noa.

If she’s a blind follower, why does she do these things then? her motivations are non existent. Forde could have made her motivations as simple as curiosity, but Letta isn’t shown as being a curious person? like, when Noa tells her she can ask him anything... she doesnt ask him about Benjamin’s death. Even though she went out of her way to figure it out, and can now question the person who would, in theory, know the most about it. She also shows no interest in finding out about her missing parents, even though she’s presented multiple opportunities to find out more. 

What is this book? Why is this the book my teacher chose? The motivations are unclear, the character development is weird, the relationships arent built properly??? Please explain????

[el-gilliath]

A Not So Easy Choice Part 2

Part 1 Ao3

WARNING: Implied minor character death (Mimi)

“Well. That could’ve gone better.”

Michael knows he should feel irritated with his sister, but the only thing he feels is numb as he watches Alex walk further away. He’s limping, slightly, but he knows any kind of help will be ceremoniously shot down. Alex’s patience is saint-like, but anger him enough and you have the devil on your hands.

And right now he’s not just angry. He’s in pain, he’s tired. He’s devastated. Because he knew Michael wasn’t there for him. The one person he thought would come for him but he wasn’t expecting to see showed up because he was expecting to save someone else.

He keeps replaying the sob over and over again in his head.

“You have one hell of a lot of explaining to do, Michael.”

He closes his eyes, tilting his head towards Isobel, a familiar move to both of them. It’s one they do when they’re in deep distress and don’t want to speak, a move they’ve apparently done since being children. As far as they can tell it’s a move designed to show others of their species that they need something.

Isobel understands what he needs, as always, because she comes over and hugs him tightly to her. A gesture of comfort, but also to ground him with a tight squeeze that makes him more aware of where he is. Another of his own fantastic PTSD coping mechanisms.

“Is it true?”

“Yeah.” He opens his eyes, gaze finding Maria’s. “I did what you wanted, but he gave me the directions to Alex instead of Mimi. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t-.” She swallows hard, wipes her tears though they don’t stop. “Don’t be sorry. You got to save who you wanted to, I can’t be mad about that. Mom isn’t a threat to Jesse so maybe he will let her go?”

Her question doesn’t have hope, just quiet resignation. She doesn’t believe it any more than they do.

“I shouldn’t have forced you to go save Mom without letting you tell me about Alex. I tried to manipulate you and I shouldn’t have.”

“You didn’t. I wanted to save her for you,” he says. Isobel releases him but doesn’t move far. He knows she’s studying Maria with narrowed eyes, can feel it in the way she’s tense next to him.

“Yes, I did. Let me be sorry for that, Michael. And let me be sad and angry that Jesse fooled you. But I’m not sorry Alex is alive. You saved the right person. Your relief about him being alive is obvious.”

“I’m still-“

“No, Michael.” She comes over and lays her hand on his cheek, softly stroking with her thumb. “You love him. Don’t ever be sorry about that.”

“I love you too.”

“I know. But not the same way you love him. I’ve been denying it for so long because I wanted to be selfish and have you. But I hurt my best friend over it, and it’s time I stop.”

He knows Alex is walking away behind him, he wants to run and beg on his knees for forgiveness. But Maria deserves his attention. He does love her, could love her forever if only Alex Manes wasn’t a factor. But a factor he is, and he’s weirdly proud of it finally being out there. It feels freeing, probably because he’s never been able to be open about his love for Alex.

“You’ve been the best girlfriend I’ve ever had,” he says, dead serious. He’s weirdly proud again of how it makes her giggle through her tears.

“I’m the only girlfriend you ever had,” she replies. Her face sombers, her hand falls from his face. “But it’s time for you to go to your only boyfriend. It’s him you want, Michael.”

“Finally you’ve come to your senses,” Isobel mutters, mock glaring at both of them when they turn to look at her. “I’ve only been waiting for ten months.”

“Iz-”

“No. I did encourage you in the beginning because I thought this was what you needed.” Her eyes flicker to Maria. “What both of you needed. And maybe it was in the beginning, but you’ve been going through the motions with this thing because you’ve both been scared of what happens if you don’t. You might love each other, you might be happyish, but there’s no spark. Not anymore.”

There’s a slight uncomfortable silence after Isobel finishes speaking. But it’s uncomfortable because it’s true, not because it’s mean and a lie.

“You don’t hold anything back, do you, Evans.”

“I do actually. Maybe if I hadn’t, Alex wouldn’t have walked away thinking no one would ever pick him.”

It punches the air straight out of him again.

“Alex won’t let me near him right now,” he says, voice low. He doesn’t feel sorry for himself, nor does he feel bad about his relationship with Maria ending. He just feels like shit because he knows how bad Alex must be feeling.

“First of all, you don’t know that. Second of all, your feelings don’t matter right now,” Isobel says, not unkindly, just directly. “The only feelings that matter are his. Sorry Maria.”

“No need, I already made this about me once, it’s time it’s about him,” Maria says while she wipes her eyes once again. She’s stopped crying for now even if sorrow is still on her face. “But if I’m around he’s not going to believe you right now. So I’m gonna go see Liz.”

She moves close to Michael again, hugging him and kissing his cheek softly. He can’t help but cling back. He is going to miss the closeness with her, but maybe in the future they can get it back. As friends.

“Good luck, Guerin,” she whispers in his ear. He tightens his arms around her for just a second more, before he lets her go and lets her walk away from him and into the Pony. He’s two for two on people he loves walking away from him today, it doesn’t feel good.

“She didn’t walk away. She gave you the space you need,” Isobel murmurs on his right, her hand snaking around his shoulders and pulling him right to her, smacking a kiss to his right temple. “Now you’re going to let me tell you what an idiot you’ve been.”

-----

He tries to get in touch with Alex over the next few days. Not hounding him, not stalking or annoying him. Just a text each morning to say he’s sorry, that he’s hoping for a chance to explain, that even if Alex doesn’t believe it, he is really happy that he was the one he saved.

He never gets a reply, he doesn’t expect one. He just hopes for the opportunity one day.

Though he does know Alex is fine, if Isobel is to be believed. She won’t tell him anything, nothing about how Alex is or how he’s feeling, though Michael doesn’t really want her to tell him anyway. He wants to find out for himself. But knowing that she talked to Alex and he hasn’t skipped town does reassure him.

He does know Alex joined in on searching for his father to see if they could find Mimi, to get an answer about her fate. He doesn’t know what they found, he hasn’t asked and he doesn’t want to. Knowing Maria doesn’t blame him does nothing to assuage his guilt of not finding her mother as he promised, nor coming back with the wrong person. Even if both of them know it wasn’t the wrong person. He still hopes Mimi might be alive by some miracle.

But he doesn’t ask, nor does he offer his services. They’ll let him know if they need him, the way they always do. Until then he’ll stay at the Junkyard and do his job and stay out of their way, the way they need him to.

-----

A week after the kidnapping, after breaking people's hearts, after staying out of people’s ways (except Isobel, who just gives him disapproving looks and steals his beer), he wakes up to the rumble of a truck outside the Airstream. He can hear that it’s a newer truck from the smoothness of the engine and checks the clock. Seven am is on the early side for him, and he contemplates rolling over before he hears the sharp slamming of a car door. He can hear steps moving towards the Airstream, and sits up with a sigh just as a sharp knock bangs against the door.

“Coming!” He shouts, finding his jeans on the floor by the bed and swinging his legs over the side of the bed to put them on. His shirt goes on next, but he foregoes shoes for now as he walks over to the door and opens it.

He doesn’t expect Alex to be standing there in fatigues. But it does explain the truck sounding newer, he does know Alex got a new car recently.

“Al- Alex,” he stutters out, despite never stuttering before in his life. He might not like the military all that much, but he can’t deny that Alex looks amazing in the uniform. He wonders if he’ll spontaneously combust should he see him in the dress uniform.

“Guerin,” Alex replies. He looks cool as a cucumber, the way he usually does. Michael remembers a time he hated Alex’s mask of indifference. Now he understands the need for it.

“Wh-.” He stops himself before asking why Alex is there. He wanted him to be there, after all.

“It’s good to see you,” he says instead.

“You too,” Alex replies. Though Michael is unsure if he really means it or not.

“Already having issues with the new truck? I can take a look if you want me to.”

“No,” Alex says shortly, though no annoyance in his voice. Yet. “I’m not here for that.”

“Okay. What can I do for you?”

“You can stop texting me. Stop trying to contact me, stop trying to make yourself feel better. I’ve had enough.”

Michael is a little bit unsure if he actually deflates or it, it certainly feels like it. It’s painful, but he understands.

“Okay. If that’s what you want then I will.”

“It is.”

He nods, looking down on the ground so he doesn’t have to look at Alex. He knows he fucked up, no one else he can blame but himself. “I’ll leave you alone then. Thank you for stopping by.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Michael,” Alex bursts out, making Michael jump in shock. “‘Thank you for stopping by?’ I’m here telling you to stop contacting me and all you can say is thank you for stopping by?”

“I’m trying to respect your wishes!”

“So you’re just going to roll over and not fight?”

“Why?” Michael asks. “Do you want me to fight?”

“I…” Alex breaks off, clenching his teeth. Michael can see his hands balled into fists, tightening and releasing in a way that’s so very Alex. “I’m so fucking pissed at you.”

“I know.”

“I was okay with dying. I was okay with not seeing you before I did because you would get Mimi. But instead, instead you walked through my door. And I have never been more heartbroken to see you. Because you didn’t pick me. How could you not pick me?”

“I-”

“And Maria told me she somehow manipulated you but we both know that if you didn’t want to go for Mimi, you wouldn’t have. But you did. You went, expecting to find Mimi but you got me,” Alex barrels on, not noticing that he was trying to speak.

“Alex-”

“Were you even relieved? Or were you just sad you couldn’t do what you promised her?”

“Of course I was fucking relieved!” He shouts before Alex can say anything else. “I wanted to save you. I got the text and thought `how the hell can I get to Alex’!”

“Then why didn’t you?!”

”Because Isobel convinced me I needed to tell Maria about Mimi, and then I couldn’t say no when she wanted me to get her mom. And I convinced myself you could get out on your own.”

Alex scoffs. “Yeah sure, taken hostage by my father, who fucking hates me and everything I stand for, of course I could get myself out.”

“I didn’t say it was thought through. But it was the only way I could go get Mimi without tearing myself apart.”

Alex sighs, rubbing a hand across his eyes. The sun is rising now, a beautiful red and golden sunrise. Michael always wanted to watch a sunrise like this with him.

“Alex. I’m sorry. I should’ve picked you, I always should’ve picked you. But I can’t be mad that I didn’t, because you’re here and you’re alive. And I am so fucking happy about that,” Michael says, shooting a small smile Alex’s way when he meets his eyes.

“I might be mad, and hurt, that you didn’t. But I can’t be mad either, because at least I got to have this conversation with you.” Alex shakes his head, minutely and slightly shaking. “But it doesn’t matter, my dad got the last laugh anyway.”

“What do you mean, your dad got the last laugh?” Michael inquires. He knows Jesse did this to torment them, but it feels like Alex means something more by it.

Alex sighs, and looks around, sorrow in his eyes. Like he’s memorizing everything.

“I found Mimi.” Michael wants to feel happy, but he just knows that’s not the end of the sentence. “And in exchange for getting her back… let’s just say I’ll be gone for a while.”

And for the third time in too short of a while, everything in Michael goes cold.

“So that was his play all along.” He shouldn’t be surprised, but he is. Jesse’s ability to manipulate situations to his own advantage will probably never cease to amaze, and disgust, him.

“Yes,” Alex answers. “I’m leaving Roswell. I’m gonna go get Mimi and bring her back. After that, I’m gone, classified location. If my dad finds out I’ve been in contact with you, he will kill you.”

“Then let him, I’m not letting you go again.” A fire rises within him and he's angry, angrier than he’s been in a while. Probably since Max died and he spiraled into a hole of self-hatred and substance abuse. He’s not making the same mistake again. It’s time he gets over himself, time he does what Alex says and stops feeling sorry for himself. He has too, if he’s going to feel like he’s worth this.

“There’s no other choice, Michael.”

“What, you’re just giving up?”

“If you take on my dad, you’ll not only take on him but the entire US Air Force as well. Which I am still a part of.” Alex’s voice is back to being hardened now. He’s not fucking around. Michael has doubts he ever was, regardless of how many times he was left behind because Alex had to leave and Michael thought he was being abandoned. Pushing Alex’s buttons might not be the smartest thing he’s done lately but he still revels in the spark he can see in his eyes. Challenging him is in Michael’s second nature, right alongside Cosmic and Never Looking Away.

“Do you want me to fight?”

Alex glances around again, almost like he’s looking for something. His gaze scours the early morning junkyard around them, cataloging things in a methodical way. He’s all soldier at that moment, and Michael understands without a doubt that Alex did learn to fight battles when he left at 18. Because the man in front of him does everything in his power to win.

“Yes.”

And now Michael must learn the same.

[tetsuwan-atom]

To keep the Light flickering in the Darkness...

@a-certain-multiversal-exodus​

“This is... quite the report you have compiled, Bowen. I have never seen you in such haste to type up, compile and file a report of this magnitude before. Forgive me in my curiosity, but is there a reason why this assignment differs from those you have engaged in before?”

“I wanted to write this all down... before something happens to me again.”

“...Something happens?”

“... I might forget this had all happened.” A pause, as Merlin gazed upon the blonde with widened eyes. “I don’t know if you remember, I didn’t either until it all came flooding back to me but... a while back I engaged in a distress signal when a particular world became a hive of activity. Gods, otherworldly beings, they all congregated to Academy City shortly before this... reboot occurred. Those who weren’t powerful enough who were spared lost all memory of it.. while people like myself, all that happened was that the memories were forgotten, but not lost... until it all came flooding back to me.”

(More to be seen under the cut)

“... I see... I don’t recall any distress signal being put out.. not even any logs of it. Although there is a particularly noticeable blank area in your IDND’s activity, which means there was a period of time, albeit not a long one.. where you could not be traced. That might well be the point where you supposedly engaged your distress signal to evacuate.. am I correct?”

“Yeah... that’s right... so they must have erased all the records too... and your memory of it... I was talking to someone about this assignment earlier and how memories were being erased... there’s a species in which might be responsible for this which I’m worried about.. and they might be coming after me and you again.”

“..And that might be?”

“Custodi, they were called... beings of unlimited power, invincible, immortal, that can’t be destroyed. Apparently they have the power to change anything at any moment. I’ve never been told of anything that has such far reaching multiversal abilities... by the sounds of it, they are more than capable of erasing whole universes. If they so wanted to, Authrum, MegaMetropolis.. my home, they could all be wiped in an instant.”

“.... I see... that... is certainly a case of grave concern. And at the same time, this could mean our conversation may well end up for naught, should they choose to invoke their power and erase or hinder our memories and records of it all. Your report is truly a valuable one in that it explains this.. Vacosian species as well and the Empire of Cinder Fall. Information like that is highly critical to ensuring the preparedness and survival of this Government and it’s allies should they come knocking at our door.. or our allies. We cannot afford to lose this information at any cost, even if these... Custodi... somehow manage to wipe them out at their discretion.”

“..I guess it doesn’t give a good feeling knowing that there’s forces out there that can just destroy the entire multiverse at the snap of their fingers... it’s fine in movies, but in real life... we could be gone tomorrow...”

“Mmmmm, it’s not all that bad, Bowen. This reminds me of the Atomite Prophecy. Do you remember, in the story, how Atom called out to the universe, in dying breath, to make his wish come true? Do you remember how he bartered to it, to sacrifice his place in Heaven, to live forever in his incarnates, as the multiverse flourished? What if, he was actually talking to the Custodi? What if they were the ones who granted his wish and sparked the endless possibilities that are out there today? It doesn’t seem so far fetched if their powers hold true. Boundless energy, power to create and destroy. We might have just cracked a secret to the creation of everything, including you and I. Not only that, but if true, that would prove that the Custodi are not necessarily an ‘evil’ race to be feared. Maybe they are the ones holding the balance of the multiverse, to keep everything stable, the wheels of time turning. This may warrant investigation, if you are able to continue it.

“Yeah... if I can still reach that isolated dimension and find the Architect again. She’s the one that told me all about it.. I’ve written all about her in the report. She might be erased too... the speculation of the Custodi’s power could even reach her door...”

“... I see... and of course they might suppress your memory of her too, but maybe there is a reason why your memory was not erased. Maybe Atom himself could be getting involved and saving you from that fate. Of course, that is speculation, but I would not rule out such a theory. There may be forces out there looking out for you.”

“Haaah.. maybe, maybe. There is... someone else I’m really worried about too..”

“And who might that be?”

“Rosalia Blanchimont... or Rose, as I call her. She’s known as the Sorceress Supreme. I... met her in my investigation of that world and memories of eachother stuck even after the reboot... I’ve... grown fond of her.. and I’m really worried about her right now. In the report I mentioned that I had to log another distress signal, but recently, before I came here. It was during that fight with the Cinder Fall people. It was like.. the sky went white.. everything went white, rifts opening up... like that universe could be falling apart. I lost sight of Rose when that happened. I can only hope she escaped alive, since she has portals and is capable of inter-dimensional travel but... I haven’t seen her since... I can’t help but feel scared that something happened to her.”

“Ahh, yes. You mentioned her in the report too as being a possible ally to the cause. If she is as capable as you think she is, I don’t think she will be in any sort of danger. She might even be hiding or planning her next move. It’s hard to say since we don’t have any real information on her to find her. Plus if she doesn’t have anything to track you down, there is that likely possibility that you two might not find one another for a while.

“. . .”

“I’m sorry I cannot offer you any comforting advice on that front. From the look in your eyes, you seem to hold her very dearly to your heart. I can only hope that she is alright and finds a way to get in contact with you soon to ease your troubles. I know you state of mind is fragile in these matters. My solemn wish is for you to be okay, no matter what happens...”

“Haaah... thanks, Merlin.”

“...You should go get some sleep, Bowen. It’s been a rough day for you....”

...

. . .

And as the boy walked, now in the safety of his world, his home, under the familiar night sky, the midnight sky, under the lit street lights of Nonunga and Carey Downs, he would cut through a shortcut, across an open field, a disused oval of a long closed high school. As he cut through to get home, as he left the lights and entered complete darkness, he stopped before a mound, to sit on it, for a few minutes, gazing up at the stars, before mind brought words, out into air, into nothingness, in hope that such words might reach someone, who might not be there with him.

“Rose.... please be okay... I hope you’re still alive... still out there.”

A pause, eyes set on the sky, the endless sea of stars.. and as he stared, a single tear formed in one eye, dripping all the way down his cheek, to fall onto the grass beneath, as sorrow and sadness took hold

“... I miss you ...”

[throwingideasatthewall]

The Clone Wars    Senate Murders

          (Season 2 Episode 15)

Ack      ....  So     are     we    going     to    address     the     guy      that    got     killed?      . .      Oh      This   is a new one       . . .         Oh       No       . . .        The        Bab        ies        -      Will       Only    Pro     Long

  Oh good

 [I was worried      I was going to have to pull out  The old   “Amidala kills children,”      Thing,]

   Any way,      That’s            Good        I like        babies not getting         hurt,         [Cute things in      general]    

      Oof           That’s           Not-

     [pretty sure       that’s the            point]

       Whelp

Well I have teased       Amidala pretty       unmercifully,      Regarding       That        Episode,        I do    still give her       a bit of slack          (Age    appropriate)       Because she still    has a chance to        un-feck the situation      [In the       story]

 Least we know    it      isn’t her getting   poison      ed this time,

 Oh,   never     mind,

That actually    did   apparently   help     (slightly)     (in the   unaccountable)        (Slightly           less       toxicity          in         air)

     Smooth

      Hold             Up           Wait,          Wasn’t              Ready           (Sus             Pect-           Ing-       Animation           That       smooth,

      I          think that was      Sa-        tine          -            Good         ref      (erence)          Picking       up        right       where       he      left        off  

   C-3PO

   Nice

  Whelp

-Windows        -

   Okay,        Minor        Issue?

  ?

  Oh it’s a whole bunch of them

   That’s nice-

      Senator            Stonk

“what will the public think   if I don’t want to make child soldiers,?”

     -Boomer

    (Probably)

   “But he wants to know    how very sorry he is,”

    Haha

      That   is the correct tone

  “Sorry-”

   Sorry doesn’t get you anything

   It’s an attempt to control the     narr-     ative

And    nothing else

 (If you screw up just      fix the problem     don’t keep dragging the tox,”

   Votes

  That’s nice

This is a very non-toxic         healthy tea

  (I know he’s kind of assuming authority          here

    But they   seem to be pretty close friends-

   Who are covered under the friend-      ship rules

“ A.k.a. not doing it to a random stranger who doesn’t like it,”

 Good rule

Oh God      It’s        

THAT

fucker..  

   ?

With the line about   convincing     other people of good?

I-

 Nope-

Note; this isn’t an official X

 It’s just a show my venomous   hatred of this guy..

And the episode he   Spawned    from

 Which was the first one to     earn a strike from me...

For normalizing    abuse...

With that in mind I give this episode the benefit of the     doubt...

  Even with that     concerning opening line

  So I will acknowledge I am slightly doubtful

 [not quite   putting on the   SWAT gear,    maybe just     a bat]

With that-     in mind- let’s continue...

... .

Mistakes       ...     

Em-     That at least counts as   one tox

Bring up the previous   things you did wrong     does not fix it

It’s guilt tripping

And an attempt to get the other party to validate   your toxicity

Dude’s      Towing..

Just after a joke   about how sorry doesn’t do anything

I hope the writers can see the irony in that

(Utilize          It)

  Peace         -         Dick

  Ah

   Hey-

[Repeat generations/friends can be friends with older     members,      just      Weird,]         -        Any       ,Way-

  Aight

  Ni’     gh    t’

 Ah- did they skip over to it or they   going?

“exciting isn’t quite the word   I would use,”

Toxic,     authority assuming,     enabling,

Authority assume     is not ok  regardless of what generation you   are

[Dude’s going to be a Traitor,        Isn’t he?

  They focused on him

  Might be actually a good bit of tension    if he didn’t      (Former   Separatist)

Terri-fying

Yeah surrounded by a bunch of toxic boomers   who will   feel free.    To be as doubting       distrustful.    negative     and overall unhelpful

As you allow

And they feel like pushing the   boundary...

Mind

Or-     gana

Dick move

It’s her     personal opinion       -      and it ain’t   tox?

People can have   dislikes

Not like she called you an   Overinvolved boomer       —        or held you to any   accountability       (Yet)          ...    

 Who order-

[This is getting really     tox

and I don’t trust the   writers           ✖️ Just   putting      it     over        there         in       case      I need it           .....

 Hm

 You

 ..  [Grooming        isn’t cool

 Self deprecation       isn’t either]

  Aight

  Hm

 Also there’s a process you need to go to to speak?

Money doesn’t   matter -

Killing    -      and     hatred      but       the   pacifistic        bitch        vilified

*Spoken   in  complement

She kicked     ASS   last episode

*sorry   for the vulgarity       I’m excited      . .       Also,    so is this     Padme’s episode.

 Cause        Neat.

 Good

 But are votes   casted by     clapping?

(I’m not sure)

 Okay

  Whelp

That’s     either a bad guy       or damn good red   herring

I’m intrigued

Also, whatever happened to     Clovis?

Like,      he still a        senator?

He get   kicked?

Uhm

Dude,

 False   appreciation

Also yeah     what was with that dude       earlier?

[Uncle what’s his name apologize to him for Padme’s comment despite Uncle what’s his name being the one who made it, implying dude took a serious issue with it,]

Also,   Oo, is this working of the previous quote about the line between friends and foes being blurred.

              [I like                  consistency]

So it has to be one of those guys,

The ones in the   room with her,

I’m putting a guess on   Senator-

 The one uncle       what’s- his-name         apologized to

      That guy

[Or it could be that guy that]

No actually he’s probably   abstain        ed for that reason

Sorry      I’m getting ahead          -     But it does say     “Murder,”

   And        I      am    curious        .     Really   going   over       -         Also    why   is that guy   bowing?

[Tran-slation?]

Right        .        obvious     villain       .

 Also   light bullshit..

There’s no-   way guy could’ve made it over there

The thing is still in session

We saw him less than a    minute ago

 And she just came in directly

[He’d be         halfway down the hallway]

For likely scope

Yeah, this dude is totally a     Red     Herring       -        He’s    way    too    over     the     top       ...    I’m putting my bets      On that human Senator          Guy           .       CHILD SOLDIERS      ARE BAD!       [sorry I just   felt the need to say that,]

  Okay,    Uncle-what’s his name-

Other person

 That guy-

  Drink      -ing!

  Nice

  Vi-ctory

   Oh, this looks like a problem

    Child groomers          In-       corporate-

    Off

Second Red herring!

(It’s that guy   and I’m sticking with        it)

  Private

  Yeah,  like how did he even get into the room without a key card?

  I know Amidala’s a senator and      by that,               A public      servant,         But you figure if they’re bringing out the    alcohol, they’d shut the door

   -Declare      off hours

  -For the celeb     ration-

 Separatist      Con        Spiracy-

   She has a     point-

   You did a     hundred percent enable his behavior

    (No argument            there)

      Pro- separatist

Ah, uncle back stabber there would contradict you

   Not sure if you’re the same species

But,       you do know about his bullshit,

Don’t assume accountability       free snarking             Territory           (They’re all enablers so I’m not even going to bother with the math,      About who screwed up more,          All the   elders   here are held to the same standard,       About,

 Uncle Backstabber a little more

   *Since I know what he did,

Account

From the most bastard,       of the group,

Who’s the next Red herring?

It’s that dude     I swear      Soon

Yeah child soldiering is a bitch

As is enabling

But she has no idea what’s going to happen     being the past.

Dick,    whelp,

Poor       Frita       (I think)

He’s going       he’s going to get roped into this too     isn’t he?

      “ We you must be doing something right,”

Nah,  enabling abusers  never a good idea

   But then again there’s no rules for dealing with trauma individuals because they aren’t supposed to be any

   How long that takes and what it entails

   Is down to who ever is        asserting accountability     (Excluding      the actual accountability, cutting      Them off)

That’s unnegotiable

(And it can’t involve   death)

Too.     harsh-

No you haven’t-

Well, yeah

But that’s     accessory at best     ... Ono you’ve done a wonderful job

No he hasn’t

Don’t coddle   the abuser

 He’s screwed up pretty consistently

 Pretty sure       it’s more than five

And was leading to let the future get     hecked         ...

 Very       Likely

He wasn’t hurt

The other lady   spent a lot more time defending

She should get the ‘don’t listen to them’

If anything just    ‘reflect the bitch’          (Neutral)          Aight    

     Too          Late!

      Can someone stop      playing the sad music?

      This isn’t sad

     And you can’t make me       sympathize for the abuser

   (I- don’t trust this     writer)

    That Dude sus

    Aight

  Faker-

He’s dying you        dumb ass

(Having a      heart attack       probably

  All the stress            of denial)

   Whelp

Call!

 Please

 Whelp

 -Oh wait      bitch is dead?

Uhm.

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD  the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!    

 (I know that seems really harsh-            But dude- deserved it

And I never have to deal with that character        anymore!

So,

 Al-      right       the      funeral;

 Um,

DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD  the WICKED WITCH IS DEAD!

 (I’m sorry I really hated that      character-)

* In reality      the loss of life is a very serious thing and      I don’t mean to make light of it

 But no one is required      to feel sad about their abusers-         Nor toxic individuals        Nor anyone else        Yes the loss of life is a     serious thing           But it should not             And could not         control a person’s life

I’ve always played accountability    over death          Or death   penalty           ...

“...was is a flawed man,”

  He tried to sell someone into   slavery...

  The fact that Amidala was an adult           and could get out of the situation           Doesn’t forgive        how terrible that situation was.

    Un-healthy           And        Wrong

   “Own    mistakes”

 And he tried to guilt trip everyone       into giving him validation

    Specifically           Amidala

      Every        occasion

    [Also      flawed          Some          one        breaking            the           code           once             or           twice,           (Under            five)            Is        flawed,

       This         dude          tox,  

       He should’ve been sentenced     to      accountability along time ago

    For trying to make the world      a generally terrible place for someone

    Multiple times-

  That’s not okay

   [and he clearly         didn’t learn his lesson]

    [Note; whether a person “learned their lesson” or not,            Is irrelevant

   [They already    knew the rules before]

But he never compromised his principles-

    HaHAha,

    What?

That’s because   dude didn’t have any principles

He broke them long before,

Also why the frick does Master Yoda care?

Dude    was          a      politic,

 The     Fuck,

He engaging this propaganda?

Why?

Why does he care about any of this.

Why does   ANY     one

[Satine, alright, hermen got murdered and she might be looking for evidence on who-done-it   That’s fair

?

Oh says it’s an everyone event

That makes sense

Guessing the Jedi are required   to come or else the branded as that asshole

Fair

 Eyes

Aight

What-      ever-

   ?

Why the guard?

Like cultural customs

Aren’t honor guards          for veterans      (And possibly extremely         high positions,      Like         Chancellor?

As technical commander of the army?

Like,      Explain?

That guy-

 Sus

 Very       Sus-

   Pas-         sed

    I’d say      to find his killer

     But yeah I can’t really   blame anyone for not    caring that much     about that dude

   Specifically      Amidala

(Though     accountability law..

   D

   Frita is honestly my favorite        character

   I don’t know       why.

     Possibly his relation to the           chancellor and how      he still a good natured guy,

     Aight

     Yeah     he was a dick,

Hope those aren’t memories     [also        totally the        Kamooin               B-            Right?

                    [Like                         I’m totally still after                          Dude, ]

But she’s   the only one that     touched the bottle]

That we saw?

Dude did suggest it

      Still        heavily          sussing              him                .          No           Face               .              Also       is that his wife?

     (Don’t think it was         ever established)

     I-

    Mentor

     ?

   How old is this person?

I’m gonna assume     adult

 So.

He toxically asserted   authority over me.

Or wrong choice of words and they meant like     “best friend”

 Cause that’s kind of     tox,

Me?

  - -

  This is     getting       Hella          tox

    You’re       a      person

    Yeah you might miss him   and that’s totally fine

     But-

You’re still a person completely able to   self determine.

   ‘ take his place,’

   Oh no

   Oh no

   Shit

   Just what she needs         overinvolvement 

   Right

   Not        threatening at all    

    Oh         Red           .         We        never       see      them      enter            .         Right            .            Well this turned from a private party     to a    Conference

   I thought he was just calling    to offer condolences.

   Questions.

Oh,    Did you not tell the loud ones what happened to their loved one?

  (Like normally I’m all for no one should      witness anyone else’s death          Or that news be public

   But this is assumed authority.         And that stuff is pretty normal

     Regardless       of how terrible.       Senator Fa

This guy seems like a drip

[Guessing that’s the reason why       Amidala is going to end up taking charge,]

Because      the Chancellor     hired a sham detector    Whelp

   Dick way to put it

  True, the protocol for murder          isn’t cutting and clear

   Dragging random people into it, isn’t

   You see it          you’re        immediately accountable,

      (Only by view of the body,          Not by word of mouth)

Because this kind of approach is super          in-effective,

  Whelp        Great

  Also there were thousands of       senators in that building that could screw up the thing

Only five

(I’ll give the        murder        mystery            It’s             Dues,           And           let it          continue,             But       (im-probabilit-           ies is not a good thing)

        Might              Want                    To                  Avoid

(Also     if that’s the     qualification;       I’m sussing         Amidala,          Dude      was                 a           dick           to          her)

    THOUGH              I’M STILL-         SUSS      -ING           DUDE       IN           Blue?     dude with the    beard

   That      one.

   Build-ing    <—-    He          Sus

   Him

—-

 Ha!

Here

Hey   that was almost emotion,      Nice

(also, dang how frequent are   murders?

Him

<—-

  He          Sus

   He didn’t take a seat         like everyone else

   [Also, it was purple    Dude wearing purple     that’s who I’m talking about]

Also are you going to introduce him as the     detective ?

‘cause you’re kind of   screwing with these people

Not   telling them what’s going on

Answering in vague Snark

Him.    ...

For no reason

Considering he was an uncountable toxic frick who allowed it lots of people to get hurt-

  I’m       mad,

 A ight

Right..

 And

Okay, He’s got a point

Immediate accountability     is the case murder     for good reason

Surprised they didn’t start       this right after the     murder

When it happened

Dude- [i’m not going to criticize       the spatial awareness]

Him

<—-

 Right         there

  Murder

A good point since     they really haven’t explained anything?

   Okay,         Right

Or anyone     stealthy

  Though yeah I guess    politicians

  [just don’t like the        generalization]

   Someone good        With he rbs..

  Okay.

  Neat.

  Insult.

Poor.   Frita

  He didn’t deserve     this,

(Well yeah he’s an enabler,)

But       He’s the least toxic..

[Also poor Frita,       Always       getting sucked into these mysteries

   He’s the shaggy        of this damn group

   [Likes food          and hanging out with people,          Gets dragged into      bullshit,

 Rip

Insulting     the whole damn room             .....            This character is                 obnoxious

            But in a fun way

             The narr              -atives-            clearly having fun

Ono        yeah       he   was    an   open   dick

  [Seriously they’re treating him    like-]

  ?

 No it couldn’t possibly be because he was an       ex separatist,

Open book         Case,

Con-troversial

 Politicians      arguing over basic human decency

   And common sense

    ‘Do we really.. Ok        that’s enough politic jokes

   The movie started it         so I had to finish it.

  Now on with.

      Dude drunk

     Dick

  “ I’m        totally-”

 Um, this is     delicious corruption

How long until     Amidala figures what’s going on?

  Whelp

He just     left?

   He really is a       quack

    Did you find him         on       fakedetectives.com?

     Palpatine?

    Crud

    Okay,

    That guy,

    Target

   Good

  Aight

Also it’s that guy     Authority ass-     umer sus,

  No       No,

Good plan

Ono

  Good      plan

  Evil.

  Aight

    .

  Good

In-vestigation

   Yes-       Good

    Let’s           Do           It           ...

    It’s that guy

    Him

He     -a dick

Also not to claim authority over   him

Not, not to be     cu-     rious-    -

No-pe

Authority   figures     don’t 

 He was an ass

Also yeah just     put   all the possible suspects in the room      -         That       Guy

Uhm

Ty-pho

Agana!

  That       fricker

   Onu          looked         at him         before         his death                 -             He came back last       to the party-

       He was the first             to suggest opening the drinks             -              Also the thing with the detective       and him just trying to get over as quickly as possible

        He sus,  

Aight,   

Right,       -       Don’t - get stabbed

Um-

Aight

Wha-

 Ha, such a red         herring-

 Okay-

Oh, Red herring        Co-nference

  Didn’t notice the     snake lady          (Kamoin)     Empty     Chair       -        Also     they know each other?

  Good,        evil for them,

  Fair

 Aight

Also yeah the         boomers here didn’t do it       -         More     likely someone from the Present     Gen.. . 

Theory

That      Guy..

Guy’s like damn

Like just give her your time and your place and       your alibi.

Whelp,       Aight

So I’m pretty sure if I had paid attention to the     bottles,        That wouldn’t have   matched up       ...

Yeah he was a separatist

              DAMN

    Like I saw the hand on the dock            But I thought it was an assassin        or team up

                But  

                 DAMN

                               I feel                                   verified

              Until it played music                       victory music                         Over the arrest                       of a distressed                        and less toxic                            person

*While   painting      the      toxic     person           as a        saint

                  Which I cannot                          condone

         As such;

                  it earns my most                             regretful                              strike;

Official;

   For attempting to     excuse a toxic       person’s          actions

* I want to emphasize that this is not ok, a person does not get off for un- accountable actions, simply by apologizing, never mind the fact          - that it is an attempt    to guilt-trip       Invalidate          And      Gas-    light               The       Recipient,       But also should not apply to someone that has repeatedly attempt to Gaslight, guilt trip and sell a person into slavery;         (Crossing more than five accounts)

[never mind the selectivi       ty of what it is applied        “Ano” getting away         With slavery, be        -cause he        Was “So-      rry,” gun        held to      (-near)        his       Back      While      Lolo       doesn’t     just   mummer      sorry)

         That once you commit harm              against another person.. it can                not be taken back, the victim       owes you no sympathy, no    right to their emotions, and        certainly, no un      accountability-       Forgive      Ness-      From what you have done.

   You must live with what you have        commit

   Regard        Less

[seenheardunderstood]

“All of the parents around me told me one scary tale after another. And the theme of their stories was always the same: Nothing you’re planning will work. Everything will be a million times more tortuous than you’re imagining.”

“What you don’t realize when you hear these stories is that the people who tell them do so in the spirit of “Here, this will help you to prepare for the shitstorm to come, which we both know is totally amazing and exciting and scary all at the same time.” They forget that you don’t even know if you’ll ENJOY being a parent yet. They take it for granted that you’ll love it, because — and this part is weird, I know, but — telling horror stories is part of loving it. It’s like jumping out of a plane and then gushing about how you wanted to vomit the whole time.”

“And I was sure that I would have a colicky baby plus postpartum depression plus the flapjack tits plus the peeing in the pants. I was certain I would have all of the things, no matter what. But most of all, I thought I wasn’t like other women. I wouldn’t feel the right way about kids. I would feel indifferent. My mom kept saying, “Don’t worry, you’ll love your baby.” My husband, who already had a son, kept saying, “Trust me, babies are easy to love when they’re your own.” But I didn’t believe them. I wanted to give birth to a puppy instead.

It’s not like I sailed through, had the dream birth, the dream baby, the dream children, and now I have Scarlett Johansson’s body and my whole life is sheer perfection. But 11 years later, my career, my marriage, my body, and my life in general are all better than they were before I had kids. I know that sounds absurdly self-congratulatory, but everyone acts like the opposite is always, always true. It’s not. And when that crazy little human burrito with big eyes blinked up at me from her hospital blanket — I mean, the little motherfuckers SEE YOU. They look right at you like OH, YOU’RE MY MOMMY I GUESS. It’s unbelievable. It’s probably adaptive, looking right at your mom, seconds after birth, with an expression of HMMM, MOMMY. HELLO THERE! But goddamn it, it works. You can’t believe how effective those tiny freakish shitting screamers are. Just five seconds of blinky looks, and you are prepared to bathe in their shit and throw your body in front of the nearest steam train.

And since you might have to throw your body across the tracks, your body doesn’t matter to you for a long time. It’s something built to feed a small person, and otherwise mostly languish about, eating food in order to make more food. I strongly recommend this lifestyle. Going FULL COW is nicer than you think. Overthinking neurotic worrywart mothers often really bask in the afterglow of birth. We expect the absolute worst, and we are pleasantly surprised to wake up in something other than hell. We’re shocked to discover that dropping a sore nipple into the mouth of a tiny snapper brings on a rush of contentment, as we prevent the snapper from dying. We don’t even mind cut-open guts or blasted lady parts or unwieldy fuck-doll tits or milking machines that go AHWOOOONGA AHWOONGA with all of the subtlety of a V6-powered dildo. We aren’t used to accepting what our bodies were apparently, at least partially, built to do. We’ve been fighting against our bodies for decades, pushing them to be smaller and cuter and better. Letting your body be what it is and keep a human alive is fascinating and relaxing as hell.

Not all babies have special needs. Not all tits get worse. Not all lives unravel into a blur of sippy cups forever. Not all husbands go away for a full month when their infants are 1 fucking month old. Do not under any circumstances let your husband take off right after you have a kid. That was a huge thing for me, having my husband and my mom around for two weeks. It was unexpectedly exciting and also not that taxing.

The point is, you might be surprised at how relaxing and fun it is to have a baby. Personally, I loved it. I had an excuse to just exist for the first time in my life. I was not depressed at all. I was happy.

People don’t write about that. Or if they do, they write about it in such sugary clichés that it makes you sure that you aren’t the same species as them. They write things like “It will change your whole life” and “You will love like you’ve never loved before” and “Nothing else will matter.” All of these things are true, but they’re also somehow totally annoying. Nothing else will matter? How is that good? You don’t know how to feel love unless a helpless thing needs you? Your life, as a woman, was designed to melt into shit and chaos?

People don’t tell you that you will feel really good and right in a new, visceral way. People don’t tell you that your existential angst will leave you for a solid decade, if you’re lucky. People don’t tell you that life will suddenly feel very short, and that brings a kind of delicious urgency to everything you do. People don’t tell you that you will be slower and more present and also more ambitious than ever.”

“It’s a roller-coaster ride. You’re not always in control. The trick is to embrace the thrills of the ride. You have to be able to marvel at the hard work, the mess, the absurdity of it all. You have to be able to laugh about it. When my second kid was 1 month old and my first kid was 2 and a half, my husband got all high strung with me about how to pack the diaper bag and then we all got into the car with my mom and I just started yelling. “I AM NOT SLEEPING, OKAY? I AM THE ONE WHO DOES NOT SLEEP AT ALL! I AM BARELY HOLDING ON HERE, SO CUT ME SOME FUCKING SLACK! ALL OF YOU! CUT ME SOME SLACK!” And then I was driving and crying, crying and driving, and at some point my mom told my husband that she was worried he would leave me.

Now you’ll read this and you’ll say to yourself, “Oh my Christ, I hope to hell I don’t turn into an enraged beast and ruin my marriage like this sad woman!” You think this is the nightmare reel, but this is actually the highlight reel. Because when my mom said that, my husband and I both burst out laughing. It was just so absurd. We both knew he wasn’t going anywhere. We were both really deeply happy. That’s what people don’t explain. You’re in the fucking trenches, but it feels damn good, as long as you have each other, and you can laugh about it, and you know that this is what you wanted. You wanted to be cast into this circus together. You understand the gift of this insanity. You see the humor in packing everyone into the car and THEN yelling. You see how terrible and funny and bad and perfect that is.

I know it doesn’t seem funny now. But it is. It’s funny because you know in your heart that it’s all so worth it. Even with all of your worst-case scenarios, it’s so worth it. Those blinky eyes, they don’t stop looking into yours. OH. I GUESS YOU’RE MY MOMMY. Sure, sometimes you’re a disappointment. You disappoint yourself and your kids, too. The world is a scary place, and you are a volatile imperfect human who sometimes fails to rise above the shitstorm. Even so, you are doing your best, maybe for the first time. You can be whatever you are, and it’s okay. You won’t recognize yourself. But she will. He will. They will. It’s beyond worth it.”

[tardispowered]

Doctor Who Book Review: Only Human

Summary

Non-Spoilery Review: Absolute garbage.

Spoilers Below the cut.

To put it simply, this book was a mess. The writing was good in that it flowed well. In that the dialogue was clever and there were times when I laughed. There were moments when it almost reached something profound. Where I thought it would examine something interesting. It never did, but the potential was there. It could have been a lot better. But it’s not the wasted potential that annoys me the most. Not even the skewed characterization of everyone besides Rose. And even she had moments where I had to squint. No. It’s the hateful bits that really got me, written under the name of comedy.

But let’s break this down one thing at a time.

Plot: An absolute mess, especially as it went on. It was easy enough to follow from point A to point B, but there was both too much and too little going on. You had caveman Das who was transported to te modern day and has to stay because …reasons. You had Jack who had to stay with him.

You had Noble Savages Neanderthals where were just as Smart as the Humans but didn’t Lie so you knew they were Good. (Not that you see any more of them beyond the Noble Savage part  save for Das who became ‘civilized’ so it’s all right then) You had the primitive  Humans who will eventually be Evil and Wipe Out all the Neanderthals because that’s humanity for you. Also Rose marries into them…for reasons.

You have the time traveling humans living in this time period with them. Oh and also they have restricted emotions because emotions bad… Oh and one of them is evil and creating the perfect Humans called Hy-Bractor…who just do whatever she says and also eat people. (no comment on how the perfect human is perfectly subservient). You have Quillien who is a time traveler who refuses to express his emotions and is ostensibly the hero of the story…and does fuck all to earn it…

All of this in a little over 200 pages.

You also got a book that tried really hard to be a light and frothy adventure that dipped a bit into the Tim Burton well for no reason whatever near the end. Other than to be…well it’s a cool visual I guess. Chantal opens 9 up and does some surgical stuff. Cool imagery I guess. Nothing really comes of it. Rose is decapitated for a while? Cool imagery I guess. She’s not too too bothered.

And I mean, hey, there’s nothing wrong with a light and frothy adventure.

But it would be even better if it wasn’t A] Mean spirited as hell and B| kept characters in freaking character.

Let’s tackle B first… because whoo boy.

The Doctor

The weirdest thing is that 9 doesn’t sound too different than he should. His voice is in place. His mannerisms are in place. And then he drops words like ‘copping’ (which is UK slang for getting together yeah yeah yeah. Though at least somewhat innocent in that context) and says at one point: ‘tough titty.’

I just

I am still not over that one, frankly.

Tough titty.

Really?

Also his underlying sadness and grief that is very much a part of his character with the beginning is only touched on briefly (and cheaply). Now, I’m not saying that every 9 book has to be a slog in the Marsh of Sad, but the only mention of it is when he gets the Mood Lifter pills and is like: “Yeah my planet blew up and I used to be sad about but I’m not for some reason”

OH GEE. Glad the Time War wasn’t a BIG FREAKING DEAL that severely impacted your personality or anything. Whew!

(also apparently these mood lifters also act as mind control? Which isn’t very well explained and seems to suggest that if you feel good and blasé you’ll automatically listen to what the controller says which…what?)

Also he gooses someone to get a reaction out of them—which is just no. I can’t imagine any Doctor doing that, let alone 9. Especially not in that context.

When Rose gets married to the caveman Tillun…for reasons… and the Doctor takes her away, Tillun tries to attack and 9 basically trips him to the ground and the Doctor says something broadly like: It sucks to be used. Doesn’t it? You’ll get over it. And later Rose says the Doctor enjoyed doing that and it’s implied that he did.

And yeah 9 can be a little bit show-offy when faced with a rival to Rose’s affection. Like with Jack (who was kind of too full of himself) and Adam (who was definitely too full of himself) But aside from attacking 9, Tillun was a pretty ok guy. Rose seemed to like him.

I mean, 9 or hell, even Rose. Why not go out on a limb? Could just talk to him and convince him that they were asking the right thing. Tillun could have gotten more characterization and so could they. It could have been a negotiation and an understanding rather than just violence. But I mean the Doctor is cooler tripping someone to the ground and showing his badassitude.

Also he somehow makes the humans temporarily able to breathe fire to fight back against the newly created Hy-Bractor and nearly wipes out the entire species but isn’t too worried about it. Like obvs 9 has no problem with genocide. Even of a violent species out to kill him. It’s not like Rose convinced him to save a dalek or anything. Also good thing they Hy-Bractors have nothing more complex beyond basic emotions or personalities so we don’t have to feel bad for them dying.

Lucky us. 8|

Rose

I  thought Rose was pretty alright. She was actually the most solidly characterized even if there were parts where I was like ….wut? For instance she found Tillun hot because he was fit (which is understandable) and thought he had kissable floppy hair. I mean… this is a time before basic hygiene. I am not sure that his hair would be all that kissable. Just saying. Oh and for some reason she keeps thinking Quillien is a lech even though he doesn’t do a damn thing to her. But then when she decides to get married to convince the idiots to save themselves, she ends up in the equivalent of a fur bikini (because of course she does) and Quillien gives her a lusty stare (because of course he does) and it’s just kind of brushed aside.

Yeahh…that’s great.

Wonderful.

Just what a 9th Doctor book needs honestly 8|

 Jack

Basically, the story had no idea what to do with Jack and it shows. He’s just packaged off to look after Das, a caveman shunted forward into the present day. And he doesn’t do much but report on what Das is doing. And I mean it isn’t great, but it isn’t horrible—

Well it wasn’t horrible. Until Anna Marie.

Das likes Anna Marie. She’s attractive to him. She’s short and fat and has facial hair and a big nose, and doesn’t laugh much. Oh and her friends call her, and I quote: “Big Fat Anna Marie No Mates.”

Because it’s FUNNY. Because she’s UNATTRACTIVE. Ha ha. The Neanderthal likes the seriously ugly girl. Let’s all laugh at this side-splitting situation.

And that would be bad enough—but Jack is so damn judge-y about it too.

Jack.

Jack.

He would sleep with a yeti if it took him out for coffee and yet oh no god forbid a girl is short and fat and hairy. She’s obviously a Neanderthal. And he keeps shaking his head like how could Das like her. Ew.

But it’s a JOKE. HUMOR. HA HA

Thanks, I hate it 8|

And since we’re segueing into it, when Das said he wanted to marry Anna Marie, her father cried because he thought she’d never find someone not like her stick thin conventionally attractive sister.

It doesn’t matter if Anna Marie finds Das attractive or not. We never find out. But she doesn’t matter as a person. All she matters is as the butt of a joke. But look she’s happy so it’s okay. Only she’s happy because it’s implied no one else will give her the time of day because she’s so ugly. And it’s apparently okay to call her out on it because God Forbid she not be fuckable. It doesn’t matter what her personality is. Doesn’t matter what her hopes and fears are. Her talents and her flaws. Just that she has facial hair and so is basically worthless so she should thank god this Neanderthal came along and wanted her otherwise she’d really be useless.

Also, it was pointed out that her family is Irish. Which, granted I am not from the UK but this feels particularly racist to me.

Because yes, this is the kind of story we want from the 9th Doctor. The Doctor who struggled to cover up depression. Who did the hard thing because he thought it was the right thing. Who cared about people.

More than that, the Doctor that was played by Christopher Eccleston who fought to keep his Manchester Accent. To make the initial run of DW like it was. Rose was a chav. It didn’t matter. The Doctor was rough around the edges and didn’t speak in Received Pronunciation. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was they were who they were. They were worthy of love and respect. Rose didn’t have to be super intelligent to fly with the Doctor. The Doctor didn’t have to sound like he fell from London to be the Doctor. And, more than anything, that is who the 9th Doctor is and should be.

So no. No. There is so much more wrong with this book (like a particularly egregious cult of the Doctor moment) but I am not giving it any more of my time. It’s not in my headcanon. I don’t want it anywhere near me.

I give it half a star for decent writing but beyond that it can die in a fire.

[sparklyjojos]

hey i sent you an ask but internet problematic here so i dunno if it was sent? As someone with no experience with neurodivergent people i was hoping you could elaborate what you have previously said about Kars in JORGE JOESTAR (and other characters maybe) seeming neurodivergent. Like, i'd love to know your headcanons about jojo characters regarding this, as well as reasoning for the headcanon's (optional, but i'd love it)

(wow this one sure took me a long time to answer, sorry!)

oh boy, this would be an extremely long post if I included all other jojo characters I headcanon as nd so I’m just going to focus on Jorge (the Japanese one) and novel Kars for now

this won’t be a “this character definitely has x thing”, but just pointing out traits and dialogue that may interest someone who wants to headcanon/write these characters as nd

am I going to be reaching with some of those? yep! but if the Jorge Joestar novel itself taught me anything, it’s that:

so, you know. I see what I wanna see.

(tw: mental illness, trauma, ptsd, suicide - all in the Kars segment)

Jorge:

 – the sheer difference in introductions is telling: English Jorge talks at length about his family, his classmates, his gay puppy crush, and anything else you’d expect to be major concerns for a kid. Japanese Jorge? social life haha what social life, HOPE YOU’RE READY FOR 10 PAGES OF PUZZLE SOLVING

 – no really if the very first thing someone says after seeing all your memories is that you sure spend a lot of time on puzzles then that’s some deep interest you have, a bit of a stereotypical hobby there but whatevs

 – hyperfocuses a lot??

 – (exasperated Kars who’s been trying to get his attention for a good minute:) “You have a bad habit of not hearing when people speak to you.” (Jorge:) “Yeah, if I’m focused on something else. Sorry. What?”

 – tunes out of one phone conversation with Bruno like 3 times

 – figures out how time-based Stands work specifically because he has experience with his internal sense of time getting royally fucked up whenever he’s deeply focused

 – was inattentive (and hyperactive?) as a young kid to the point it affects how the memories on his disc look like: “I was a fidgety child, and the image rarely focused on [Joseph] for long. I wasn’t interested in his story.”

 – visual thinker, good with patterns, can make complicated mental maps and solve slide puzzles in his mind

 – his memory is really good until it isn’t (as far as he’s concerned Funny Valentine’s Stand is called Dirty Whatever)

 – very particular about meanings of words and names, etymology (his arc starts and ends with him pondering over the kanji of his own name, knows latin names of various species like Hydrangea or Ursus maritimus and what they mean literally, that “sorry that name’s taken” line when Rohan calls something a Beyond, etc)

 – doesn’t like (is distressed by?) clutter and things/details being WRONG. (“If details don’t add up right I get agitated, and start searching for a better way. This trait has lead to my room being very clean, and made me a great detective.”)

 – infodumps to Rohan about polar bears of all things, and there’s a moment when he stops talking almost mid-sentence after mentioning they’re called Ursus maritinus and instead of speaking out loud he just thinks to himself that “The scientific name was given by John Phipps in 1774” as if he just realized that’d be Too Much detail to share, I feel you Jorge

 – (after Erina says he has a characteristic soft smile) “I do? I mean, I guess people do say I look like an idiot.”  

 – gets urges to laugh at very bad times (”Cars’ whispered response had an air of such grim realism that I almost started laughing, but he was watching me suspiciously. Whoops.”)

 – sometimes blurts out things, often fails one-liners, even when he pre-plans what he’s going to say something else may come out (“I’d thought of all kinds of things to say, but what actually popped out in that moment? (…) I have no idea what I meant by that last bit but I said what I said and had to live with it.”)

 – sometimes impulsive, like yeah let’s just get up in the middle of the night and search through a 10 km^2 area on a bike for something unprecised while you have several death threats to your name, this can’t possibly backfire

 – (after Jorge quite literally blows himself up by impulsive carelessness) “Cars was still laughing. “You really don’t think things through.“”

 – small point that’s made moot by paranormal things like that being real in the jojoverse, but his tendency to see signs and messages meant for him everywhere and in every event, and insisting on coincidences not being mere synchronicity gives off a different vibe than intended (at least at the beginning before he knows Stands and Beyonds are a thing)

Kars:

 – honestly I could just slap the definition of “neurodivergent = with their brain functioning differently from what’s seen as ‘normal’ in the population” here and point at his backstory in this book and be done with it

 – remember everything I’m writing is on top of his canon image of an asocial genius scientist with poor affect (or, in the anime, varying between stone face and painfully exaggerated expressions) who has a connection with nature and animals, which I guess can? be seen as some type of autistic coding (unfortunately in this case it dovetails into “a loner with autistic traits = snaps and kills everyone” type of coding sooo maybe let’s not go there)

 – novel Kars talks about how when he was younger he didn’t even know that feeling sympathy and wanting to have emotional attachments with others –was a thing– (apparently his race wasn’t capable of it??), and he had to sorta consciously try to understand and learn it through reading human fiction. It came off to me like he relates better to fictional characters (and maybe animals?) than to his race or humans, too

 - ^^(that backstory’s a bit unclear with how it’s told; either just like his race he doesn’t have the drive for social bonding, empathy etc. and his understanding of others is made purely on the intellectual level - that’s relatable for some nd people - or he DOES have those things in a drastic difference from everyone else of his race, which I guess makes him nd by definition. It’s… complicated.)

– on the topic of “consciously learning how to sympathy” - there’s a few times in the novel when he’s a prick not because he wants to be but because he genuinely doesn’t understand why the other person would be upset (”Cars, sorry, but can you put me back at my old height?” “?…isn’t the view better?”), but if that person explains how the thing is upsetting he then backs off like “oh okay” (when Jorge is disturbed about the women’s heads thing - “Yeah. But I just feel sorry for them. I can’t watch this.” - Kars just goes “I see.” and makes them disappear). He still has to work on the “taking your private memories without asking” issue tho

 – that moment in the backstory where Kars became deeply aware of just how flawed and “not up to own potential” he was which launched him straight into unhealthy perfectionism and desire for control and power as a way of dealing with it? relatable

 – and that thing where him becoming much more chill is preceeded by the realization that he can’t ever - and that he doesn’t have to - become an infinitely perfect being without weaknesses, and that he’d still have worth and meaning even when he’s not performing to some ridiculous self-imposed standards?? GREAT, and I love to see lines like this one coming from him: “Cars smiled. “I have no desire to be the leadingman.””

 – he talks about how traumatic events and your emotional reactions to them (“feeling like you’re dying”) can damage your soul. Since he claims to have experience determining soul damage, and the only souls he worked with before belonged to 36 other Karses, we can assume he’s talking about himself as well. (and it’s kinda obvious that having everyone you love die in

 – ^^^also worth noting that even if Kars knew a lot about brains biology-wise, he missed out on practically all of modern psychology after 1939, so of course the way he relates to trauma and mental illness would be different, and more informed by what he learned having spent most of his life around ancient civilizations in the Americas - the concept of soul loss. And it’s not like the book doesn’t wink towards it in other places (English Jorge dissociating during torture is described as him having learned how to remove his soul from his body)

 – Light Dancer Kars speaks about how he wanted to commit suicide, then in the same paragraph says that he and our Kars feel “the same sadness”, which, wow. Earlier there are scenes where you can interpret Kars’s behaviour as passively suicidal; he doesn’t seek death, but if something (burning upon reentry while saving the humans, fighting Dio) did kill him, he wouldn’t mind that much

 – this one is very subjective because you can interpret these moments as just him being very lost in thought / focusing on healing (Jorge sure does), but: when faced with intense emotional stress - like hearing Light Dancer Kars’s existential speech, or almost getting killed because he chose to shield the humans from harm - Kars has a tendency to go non- or barely verbal, motionless, unresponsive to outside stimuli (including people trying to get his attention by calling his name) and staring at one thing / into space, ignoring even a zombie attack or that they’re pressed on time in alternate!Morioh. When I first read it I assumed he just dissociated really hard (ptsd-related?), or was in a shutdown

 – if you pay attention to what traits Kars seems to be holding in high regards - either through saying that X is a good thing about humanity, or bemoaning that humanity doesn’t have X (that he ofc does) - they’re stuff like creativity, perseverance, attention to details, pattern-based thinking, the desire to “figure stuff out”, and good memory. AKA traits often (though not always) increased in autistic people

 - at one point he says: ”In the end, you’re just another human. You see a mystery and think, ‘How odd!’ and put in on a shelf somewhere.” I’m sorry but even in context it sounds like “apparently people can see an interesting thing without instantly getting fixated and wanting to know and understand everything about it right there and then, what the fuck”

 – he tends to be either very invested in what’s going on or bored, no inbetween, and avoiding that boredom is a high priority (”And it seems I’ve run out of time to eat you all… But I wasn’t bored.”)

um yeah that’s all I can think of rn

[ace-reviews]

Special Review: My 10 Favorite Animals

Once again, I can’t think of anything to review for Saturday (I take requests, you know. If I don’t know the thing, I can try to track it down, or I’ll just review how interesting the Wikipedia article makes it sound), so I’m just gonna list my favorite animals!

The title says 10, but I’m just gonna keep listing animals until I get my fill of looking up animal gifs because animals are neat.

1. Cats

Well, I mean... I’m on the Internet. Of course I like cats.

2. Dogs

Dogs are like kids: I like ‘em best when they go home with their parents at the end of the day. I would like a dog, but they’re kinda high maintenance pets and I’m a very low maintenance person.

3. Turtles

Turtles are neat. I used to like to tell people that they breathe through their butts, but apparently most types of turtle do not breathe through their butts. Some do, though. That’s cool.

4. Rabbits

Everything bunnies do is the cutest thing. Even when they snatch birds out of the air and eat them, it’s the cutest way to do that thing. (I’d provide a link, but I don’t want to link to any videos of animals dying in my happy animals list. Just Google it if you want to see.)

5. Owls

WHAT A HOOT.

6. Crows

Did you know crows are crazy smart? Because crows are crazy smart. It’s one of my dreams to one day save a crow and end up with a whole murder of them living in my yard. They’ll be my buddies. It’ll be the gothest thing ever.

7. Jellyfish

They’re the prettiest evil motherfuckers on the planet. There’s also a species of jellyfish called the immortal jellyfish that reverts to a polyp and spurts out a bunch of genetically identical copies of itself whenever it gets sick or injured, and my favorite apocalypse is the one where they overrun the world’s oceans and everything else starves to death.

8. Octopuses

Octopuses are a hyper intelligent alien species, and if they weren’t delicious they probably would’ve taken over the world by now. Jokes on them, though, because they are delicious. Haha, fuck you, octopuses.

9. Cuttlefish

Have you ever watched True Facts About the Cuttlefish? Because I love True Facts about the Cuttlefish. It’s one of my favorite videos on the whole internet.

10. Squids

Heheh. “Squid" is a funny word.

11. Pigs

Did you know pigs are also really smart? They can play video games! I want a video game playing pig friend. Unlike octopuses, they do not taste good, no matter what everyone else says. Everyone else is wrong. Pork is gross.

12. Ducks

Male ducks have corkscrew penises and are also dickheads. The More You Know.

12. Chickens

I hear chickens are mean, but I can’t say one way or the other because I’ve never met one. They’re another animal that everyone insists tastes good even though it doesn’t.

13. Bears

I once saw a shower thought that said something along the lines of “what if our ancestors had domesticated bears instead of wolves” and now I hate both that person and our ancestors for not domesticating bears.

14. Tigers

Life of Pi is a good book and an okay movie.

15. Chimpanzees

Fun Fact: There was a time in my life when I wanted to be a primatologist. It didn’t last long because you have to have money to get that kind of job and they want you to go on planes, like, a lot, so fuck that.

Another Fun Fact: There was a period of time in the 60′s when every sitcom had an episode with a chimp, and every movie had a chimp in it. It was weird.

16. Monkeys

From what I understand, monkeys are considered pests in the contries they’re native to, but I don’t live in a country that monkeys are native to.

17. Raccoons

Raccoons are considered pests in the country I live in, but I’ve never lived around any raccoons, so I think they’re cool.

18. Foxes

Foxes are almost as cute as rabbits. Almost.

19. Red-Tailed Hawks

Man, Animorphs was fucked up.

20. Humans

Sure, there are an upsetting amount of shitty ones, but for the most part humans are okay. Plus, they do cool things like making cute animal gifs that I can use to populate this list.

21. Rats

Rats are another super smart animal and without them many people would be dead.

22. Mice

Mice are small, cute, stupid rats. I once had one but it died. I was sad.

23. Platypuses (Platypi? Platypodes? Whatever)

These things are so fucked-up looking that scientists refused to believe they existed for a long-ass time. They’re mammals, but they lay eggs, and also apparently their feet are venomous (because of course they are. They’re from Australia).

24. Koalas

Baby koalas eat their mother’s poop, because of course they do. They’re from Australia.

25. Penguins

The fact that penguins live in New Zealand is in the top 5 reasons I want to live there.

26. Horses

I don’t like riding horses because they’re bigger than me and I’m worried they’ll remember that while I’m sitting defenseless on top of them, but they’re still cool.

27. Moose

They big.

28. Chameleons

Chemeleons do not change color for camouflage. They’re nature’s mood rings. They’re awesome.

29. Bats

D’awwww.

30. Seahorses

The last couple times I was at the Scripp’s Aquarium, they had a special thing about seahorses and seadragons and it was really cool.

31. Seadragons

Seadragons are cooler than regular dragons because they live in the ocean and are real.

32. Snails

If you don’t think snails are cute you’re wrong.

33. Sloths

Man, I wish I could sleep 20 hours a day without that being symptomatic of some sort of serious illness.

34. Hedgehogs

D’aw he a ball.

35. Otters

Aww, look how sweet.

I could go on but I’m bored and have anime to watch. If you read through this whole list, I salute you. Here’s a spinning cow.

[dillydedalus]

what i read in february

check to find out if i defeated my nemesis thomas mann by reading the magic mountain or surrendered to his absolute rule over my unread books shelf

milkman, anna burns this is deeply divisive on the bookish internet apparently with fights over a) whether it’s brilliant or garbage, b) whether it’s difficult, c) whether literary difficulty is a moral issue (with both renouncers-of-milkman and defenders-of-milkman variously taking either side). here’s my lukewarm take: a) it’s good, b) it’s not that difficult but can be frustrating to read, c) it’s not a moral issue, like, obvi. anyway, y’all probably know what this is about (girl in belfast during the troubles finds herself stalked by dangerous paramilitary, gossip & violence abound). i found the decision not to use proper names, either for the characters (narrator is middle sister, other characters are ‘maybe-boyfriend’, ‘wee sisters’, ‘third brother-in-law’, etc) or the setting really interesting - it added both to the conversational feel, the paranoia in the community and the universality of themes like civil violence, paranoia, mistrust, sexual harrassment, pressure to conform etc. 4/5

paradise, a.l. kennedy (uni) idk man this is well-written and especially the writing about drunkenness & the depth of hannah’s addiction & misery (and joy, which kennedy does not avoid) is vivid, but i’m still p meh on it, and it was definitely too long for what it was doing. i’ll add more after the class where we’ll discuss it (update: the class was unfortunately a mess so I’m still ehhh about it) 2.5/5

die verängstigten, dima wannous (tr. from arabic) an english translation, the frightened ones, is coming out some time this year i think. this story is told thru two narratives, one by sulaima, a syrian woman with anxiety living in damascus, whose brother has been disappeared by the regime and whose lover nassim has fled the country, and one thru chapters of the unfinished novel nassim leaves behind for sulaima, narrated by a girl called salma, whose life story mirrors sulaima’s own. this is a very interesting set-up, and i think both the narrative structure and the combination of anxiety as a psychological illness and anxiety/paranoia as a social state caused by political repression & violence were really interesting, but sometimes the book felt a bit muddled and confusing to me. 3/5

der schlaf der gerechten, wolfgang hilbig (the sleep of the righteous) this is a collection of connected short stories set in a mining town in east germany - the first 4 stories follow the narrator figure (who’s not necessarily the same, but very similar throughout all stories) as a child and young adult, growing up in a town almost without men after world war 2, whereas the last 3 describe the narrator’s return to this town as an adult after reunification, struggling with his own and east germany’s past. i ADORED the first stories - they are insanely good, dark, atmospheric, beautifully written and so evocative of the materiality of this town, the ash, the coal, moulding fruit, gritty, grimy, ash coating everything (the blurb on the back says that your hands will come away from the pages stained with soot, and i feel that). the second set is good too, but it moves away from that sensual evocation which i loved so much. 4/5

the golden fool (tawny man #2), robin hobb y’all i really tried to read this one slowly, and it worked for four days but then i decided that i might as well read read the entire second half in one day so. anyway this is hard to talk about w/o spoiling a lot but robin hobb truly is the queen of character writing. loved the elliania plot, loved the coterie forming, loved the bingtown delegation, loved fitz and the fool having Feelings Drama (made me Big Sad tho - also fitz is my son & all but good god he can be a dumbass). i feel like this one’s mostly setting everything up for fool’s fate but it’s good. 4/5

the sixth extinction: an unnatural history, elizabeth kolbert engaging & accessible nonfiction book about extinction, including both past extinction events, the history of science about extinction and focusing on the current extinction event (with several example species, from frogs to rhinos) mostly caused by humans fucking everything up. 3/5

the course of the heart, m john harrison tbh i just didn’t get it.... maybe i’m not versed enough in gnosticism & weird esoteric shit. anyway, this is about three friends haunted by some spiritual ritual (lol) they held while at uni with a sinister guy called yaxley. you never find out what they actually did, but they construct a whole mythology about it that i uh. didn’t get. tbh i pretty much checked out halfway thru. 1.5/5

barracoon: the story of the last “black cargo”, zora neale hurston (audio) interesting & sad & really touching account of cudjo lewis, one of the last africans to be shipped to america as slaves, mainly made up of his own narrative, collected & put together by hurston. some interesting background info about how the book came to be as well. 3/5

how to survive a plague, david france in-depth account of the aids epidemic in the us, especially in new york, combining personal stories, insight into aids activism, scientific progress (and for most of the book, lack thereof) and staggering political neglect and failure. well-written, informative and well-explained but (obviously) very emotionally draining.  4/5

fool’s fate (the tawny man #3), robin hobb lmao i love emotionally dying about robin hobb books. anyway A LOT happens in this one & i was very emotional about most of it but most emotional about fitzchivalry farseer (idiot, son boy, changer) and the fool (beloved!) and my man burrich (lol say the words ‘heart of the pack’ & i’m already overwhelmed). anyway this was a very epic & hardcore emotional conclusion to this series & robin hobb may make me cry any time she wishes. 4/5, series rating 4.5/5

what it means when a man falls from the sky, lesley nneka arimah collection of short stories mostly set in nigeria and in the us. some of the stories are magical realist-y, some are more realist, but almost all are concerned with familial bonds and bondage, the complicated relationships between parents and children. the stories are well-executed and precisely told, but while i liked quite a few of the stories (esp. the title story) i just didn’t feel particularly strongly about most of them. 3/5

heimsuchung, jenny erpenbeck (visitation) another interesting take on 20th century german history from erpenbeck - this one is centred around a house by a lake in brandenburg & told thru the various people connected to the house over the years & decades, owners, visitors, neighbours, etc. it’s an interesting concept & well-executed & clever & erpenbeck can write but it kinda paled for me in comparison to her aller tage abend, which does a similar thing in very different way. 3/5

currently reading: look okay i have Not finished the magic mountain but i am still reading it so i still have a chance of defeating mann in single combat. i’m actually kinda liking it but it’s A Lot, so i’m taking it slow. also call me zebra which i am v v...... unsure about??