#it makes me so insecure bc like. if they’re willing to pretend they like THAT person they hate

[thebearer]

i need more groveling from cligy carmen!! just the thought of him and reader getting pushed a few steps back bcs of the fight, it's a weird feeling because they're married and have a kid yet now there's this air of caution and careful that was only there when they started dating. reader despite understanding carmen and is willing to forgive him and move past this fight, she's more reserved now, quiet, and kept to herself. there's a different perspective on every little thing she does now; am i talking too much? he's working right now so i shouldn't bother him. she still loves carmen and will do anything to heal their marriage, it was just a harsh and an eye-opening fight for her.

yes yes yes!!!

that’s exactly the vibe.

almost awkward at times. like they’re trying to ignore it but then not but it’s the awkward kinda balance bc it’s like: you can’t ignore it and pretend like it didn’t happen, but he’s apologized and you’ve accepted it, but he still is having to work to regain your trust while also beating himself up bc he feels so guilty about it, and you’re both trying to move past it but it’s this uncertainty of how?? like it’s a foreign thing.

you’ve fought before, but it’s never been that bad, you didn’t have a baby, you’ve never left. slept in separate rooms? yes. gave him the silent treatment? yes. blocked his number when you went to work just so he’d freak out and come find you? immature and a little petty but yes lol.

he really is sorry. he really didn’t mean it. and deep down you know that but also… deep down it really fucking hurt and brought to light your own insecurities and anxieties. genuinely it scared the shit out of carmen and was his wake up call, but it does leave this awkward period.

he wants nothing more than to be the clingiest person on the planet. he wants to wait on you hand and food (acts of service love language carmen engaged lol) but also give you your space because he knows you’re still upset and he doesn’t blame you because he’s upset with himself. so it’s this weird thing of “oh let me do that” while also trying to stay out of your way, but also trying to prove he didn’t mean any of it.

looks like: getting up with teddy any and every time she cries, but when she needs to feed he’s so hesitant to wake you up and bother you that he almost just makes a bottle every time because he feels like a piece of shit for waking you up when you’re tired. usually wouldn’t hesitate to wake you up, let you feed her bc that’s the routine lol? like she needs to be fed, you gotta nurse her, it’s logic. but not now. he’s rambling and mumbling apologies while you’re half awake, trying to feed her. he’s hovering, hesitating between helping you (with what? idk but he feels like he should) and then wanting to give space bc he feels like he’s being annoying.

definitely a you having to initiate things. like you make the first kinda joke that lightens the mood. you cuddle him in bed so he feels like he can. you make a flirty comment that has him blushing and feeling like he can say one back. you kiss him goodnight, hold him in a little longer for a sloppy sort of smooch that has him blushing so hard.

those sort of vibes. once it’s back to normal, he’s good, but it’s getting him there

[birdiedoesdc]

hi :] would love to know what was going on in your brain when you wrote this part of watch your back, now i'm biting. also very interested in hearing what you were planning with this au in general!

----

“—just weird for me,” Steph’s saying. “Like, I don’t even know why he picked me—“

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jason says, sounding baffled. “Don’t get me wrong, Steph, you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met, but you fight like hell. I mean, I got you in the head like three times and you never stayed down for more than a second.”

“But I’m not his kid,” Steph says, very small. It’s times like these Dick remembers that she’s just thirteen. “You’re his kid.”

Jason’s quiet for a second. Dick continues to pretend like he’s rustling through gauze. “Yeah, but if I’m not, you know. In the business anymore, then maybe he doesn’t—“

“That’s dumb,” Steph says plainly. “You’re so dumb. Ninety percent of patrol is what would Jason do.” She does a pretty good impression of Bruce’s voice too. “I’m just a placeholder until you decide to come back—“

“I’m not coming back,” Jason says instantly, cold and hard. Dick winces, just as sore as the day Jason’s still-battered body came back from Ethiopia.

He gets why Jason stepped away. But he wishes Jason was never forced to make the choice at all.

“Then why,” Steph’s saying, voice a little wobbly at the edges. “Does it even matter if I’m Robin?” Jason exhales shakily. Steph goes on. “Be honest. Is it because I’m a girl?”

“No, it’s not because you’re a girl,” Jason says. “Christ, Brown. It’s because—“ He doesn’t say anything for a moment. Steph, for once, seems to have the patience to hear him out. Dick’s gripping the edge of the cabinet waiting for his answer. Finally, Jason huffs and says, “Because I can’t help but I think they’re gonna end up picking you. And I’m gonna end up—back where I started.”

“What,” Steph says. “You think I’m not scared of the exact same thing?”

HIHIHI REVEK thank you for the ask!!!!

(pick a short passage i've written and stick it in my inbox for dvd commentary!!)

(also the fic i'm commentating on is here!!)

i think the jason and steph dynamic is so so deeply underrated. every time they show up in a comic being nice to each other and buddies i am incredibly overjoyed. i think they're very similar to each other, both in terms of background and overall outlook. i think they both can connect on the immediate level of being quote-unquote "failed" robins. i also think it's clear that while stephanie doesn't personally jive with jason's whole murder thing, she understands why he does it and what impact it can have and has a lot of sympathy for him, in general. jason, in turn, respects a lot of what steph's been through and is willing to listen to her when she tells him he's being a big dumb idiot. they're friends!! there's a lot they're equipped to understand about each other!! i could go on!!!!!!

HOWEVER. when two people are very similar, they can also clash very awfully. especially when they're in stressful situations, like jason trying to figure out who he is without robin and steph trying to figure who she is as robin. hence the fight to the death.

im putting this under a readmore bc i have the feeling i'm about to get even chattier lmaoooo

“—just weird for me,” Steph’s saying. “Like, I don’t even know why he picked me—“

and here we see the first hint of their complementary insecurities!! in part because of their background and in part because of their warped view of their own capabilities. neither of them believe robin is within their grasp. they both believe they have to constantly be reaching up.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Jason says, sounding baffled. “Don’t get me wrong, Steph, you’re the most annoying person I’ve ever met, but you fight like hell. I mean, I got you in the head like three times and you never stayed down for more than a second.”

my only comments are one: steph would and two: i think it's very in-character for jason to be like you're annoying as hell and i hate you and everything you stand for. but i respect what you're about. game recognizes game.

“But I’m not his kid,” Steph says, very small. It’s times like these Dick remembers that she’s just thirteen. “You’re his kid.” Jason’s quiet for a second. Dick continues to pretend like he’s rustling through gauze. “Yeah, but if I’m not, you know. In the business anymore, then maybe he doesn’t—“ “That’s dumb,” Steph says plainly. “You’re so dumb. Ninety percent of patrol is what would Jason do.” She does a pretty good impression of Bruce’s voice too. “I’m just a placeholder until you decide to come back—“ “I’m not coming back,” Jason says instantly, cold and hard.

the first thing to note is that i've sort of gone back and forth on whether or not steph could hypothetically get actually adopted in this au. on the one hand, she's more or less taking over tim's role, so it's possible. on the other hand--and this is paraphrasing something @little-boats-on-a-lake said when i was infodumping to them about it--a lot of steph's character/tragedy is that she's not adopted. that she's always sort of on the outskirts. (just like jason!!) i haven't come to any firm conclusions re: the adoption thing, but either way, at this point steph would not consider herself a part of the wayne family disaster.

also, jason's ongoing insecurity about his role in the family now that he's not robin!! and steph's ongoing insecurity that she really is just a temporary replacement!!

Dick winces, just as sore as the day Jason’s still-battered body came back from Ethiopia. He gets why Jason stepped away. But he wishes Jason was never forced to make the choice at all.

the guilt dick carries over the whole robin thing is crazy.

also, there's something about jason being so insecure about how he fits into his family without robin, but still somehow choosing to put himself and his health first. i think that's very brave of him.

“Then why,” Steph’s saying, voice a little wobbly at the edges. “Does it even matter if I’m Robin?” Jason exhales shakily. Steph goes on. “Be honest. Is it because I’m a girl?” “No, it’s not because you’re a girl,” Jason says.

lol. lmao.

Finally, Jason huffs and says, “Because I can’t help but I think they’re gonna end up picking you. And I’m gonna end up—back where I started.” “What,” Steph says. “You think I’m not scared of the exact same thing?”

complementary insecurities again!!! neither of them want to be left alone. neither of them wants to lose everything they've gained.

anyway!! i think this really clears the air for the both of them because 1.) they actually talked about their emotions and understood that they have a lot of the same problems and 2.) they beat the shit out of each other and worked a lot of the malicious energy out there. after this, i think they start getting along better and better, although they would literally rather die than admit it. beating the shit out of each other took care of the cain instincts, and now they can be normal, only mildly violent bickering siblings.

as for my vague plans for the rest of the au: my next fic for jay todd week is actually set here!! it's tim & jason centric, because this whole thing started with a semi-convoluted thought process that went jason lives after ethiopia and decides not to be robin->tim has no need to be robin because jason isn't dead->jason graduates high school right when he was supposed to->tim isn't distracted by bat nonsense, so he actually graduates high school early->they end up as roommates at college together. it's a whole disaster. and then somewhere in here i thought okay, so steph would be robin then and then i went lol. jason and steph would clash so fucking bad. and i love sibling-on-sibling violence and find it very funny, so the fic happened.

anyway, perhaps someday i will write the multi-chap fic chronicling jason & tim's four years at college together as awful, awful roommates. maybe i'll just keep on writing random, out-of-context one-shots. who is to say!!

my parting thought is that i fucking love the jason-steph dynamic. they are so goddamn important to me, and i think more people should do steph hanging out with jason and maybe even the outlaws because i think they would all have a really great time together and blow a lot of shit up

[ratboychronicles]

ok two ppl wanna c LETS GOOO YAPPING TIMEEE!!!

so i’d like to preface with. there is definitely CHNT inspiration in this story 😭 if the main character resembles sydney its because i look like sydney and this character looks like me /gen

the story is set in modern time, maybe not the year 2024 exactly but more advanced technology does exist. because this story is set in the middle of the woods in buttfuck nowhere, no technology is actually present, but references to social media and the internet are made in the main character’s recordings. the genre is,,, magical realism i’d say? mainly based in real life, but there’s also a good amount of fantastical elements (necromancy, black magic, ghosts/spiritual beings, anthropomorphic creatures, etc). i consider it more psychological horror because it doesn’t deal w much gore or anything like that but it does have!! some themes. WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY!!

let me introduce these freaks <3

Carrion: main character, undead guy who’s sad, psychotic and lonely. he’s small and chubby, pale and sickly, full of sorrow and rage, craves death more than he craves mushroom stew, and is buddies with the ghosts in his cottage

rest of this is just directly copied from his toyhouse LMFAO

Carrion can be described as sanguine and hopeful, he’s articulate and pretentious, sarcastic and snarky, but deep down quite sensitive and emotional. He tries to make the best of his life despite how it is literally over. He is not allowed to interact with the living due to fear on behalf of the government of how a product of necromancy may spark outrage amongst the living, along with perhaps normalizing the crime of necromancy and resurrection, and therefore all who are resurrected as a result of necromancy are sent far far away to never interact with anyone living, however are free to interact with whatever non-human freaks are willing to be around them! Carrion spends most of his time wandering, collecting and talking. He pretends to talk to the living by speaking to a little recorder he had stashed away in his cottage. He acts as if he has a show with an audience, when in reality he speaks only to himself. gramps needs to take his meds /j

He is often in the forest, though sometimes he takes time to cuddle up on his couch in his medieval ass night gown and his opossum slippers his friend from high school made for him in sophomore year.

Carrion fun facts:

He died when he was 25 from eating jam made unsuspectedly from yew berries, causing his heart to stop and for him to die in his kitchen: never accept food dropped mysteriously at your door!

Since dying and being resurrected, he can talk to ghosts and has equal connections to the realm of the living and the dead!

He is trans gender and autistic

He has fibromyalgia and hyper mobility, he does use a cane

He’s a big collector, engages in vulture culture but also collects shiny bottle caps and silver

He loves mushrooms, he forages a lot and snacks on them straight after being picked, his favourite meal is mushroom stew

His favourite animal is a mongoose, he thinks they’re weird /aff

He makes his own wine and desperately craves for someone to share it with

although this is a project i either want to beg my friends to help w voice acting OR even hire people (needa be desperate for that but whateva), i voice Carrion bc <3 ya (he’s sort of just. me). he’s quite honestly just a fella

fun fact: he is directly based off a crow!

Einzi: Main antagonist, stalking weirdo who lives in a hut in the woods and eats birds. he’s lanky and tall, slightly tanned and covered in acne, obsessive and controlling, affectionate and touchy, a participant in dark magic and necromancy all in the name of LOVE!!! he’s awful and i hate him

copied from toyhouse once again

He can be described as possessive, obsessive and controlling, he’s bold and affectionate, charming in his own strange and nasty way. He acts very confident, vain and self centred to hide his insane amounts of insecurity, he’s very much a prick. He is prone to paranoia and is quite the stalker, remaining stealthy and quick with how he watches from trees and windows. He is utterly obsessed with Carrion to the point that he lives in the forest to get closer to him, and may or may not be responsible for why Carrion is trapped in the forest to begin with. He is incredibly well-versed with dark magic from his observations and studies as a younger man. He is notably a loner and pathetic loser, he is too scared to simply go up to the people he likes and ask them for their number, and instead kills, revives and isolates them so that they won’t be able to reject him, and will be close to guaranteed to fall for him. Despite his tendency towards loneliness and isolation, he is quite the socially adequate person—it’s what he’s dedicated his meaningless life to!! He’s quite creepy from afar, delivering anonymous gifts and love letters, but hey—if you desperately crave love, affection and desire, he’s your guy!

Usually he is wherever Carrion is, though sometimes he hides under uprooted trees or in his tent to snack on birds. Birds never come near that part of the forest anymore. He is always looking for ways to get closer to Carrion, hoping to be able to touch him again—to be able to admire his creation, his work,, (freak)

Einzi fun facts:

In the current timeline, he has lived permanently in the woods for 3 years, primarily surviving on birds, worms and berries, while also gathering water from the stream to then boil and drink

He is close friends with the freaks of the woods, at least on his end—they don’t like him very much, but he also brings them food and is good with their kids, so they can’t complain too much even if he’s kind of self centred and weird

He likes male manipulator music (Radiohead, Weezer and Nirvana)

His favourite things to do are “bird watch”, sleep and write love letters

His favourite food is strawberry shortcake

In high school he was in band and choir, he can play saxophone and piano

if i had to give him a voice hc i think he sounds like nagito komaeda (being so serious) and plagg from miraculous ladybug (more of a joke but still funny)

fun fact: he is based on a domestic cat! mainly to symbolize that he is unwanted and invasive to the forest and should be back in his little suburban house with his mommy

would anyone want 2 hear abt my ocs im gonna make a little audio story with,,, pls pls pls pls pretty please

[cryptidcalling]

*Watches my friend get a text from someone they hate only to ignore it for later or reply in a vaguely positive way*

[zhonglis-wifey]

Can we pretty please get some fluff Dottore content 🛐

HELL YEAH YOU CAN!! i’m always down to write dottore stuff he is my babygirl. yesterday my bestie and i were talking about how we just want dottore to be our househusband lmao

okay so i’m writing this based on the theory that dottore is zandik, the academia student who got expelled for accidentally killing one his peers. if you don’t know that theory i made a youtube video about it lol always be plugging!

so like. i’m asking you to suspend ur disbelief and pretend that dottore isn’t 100% evil for a second (yes i know i’m delusional for saying that idc i love him)

dottore seems like he has an um… obsessive personality… aka he would be completely enamored with his s/o almost to a fault but that’s okay. you probably don’t care if you love dottore lmao

so i can totally see his s/o basically consuming his thoughts, he probably brags about you to his subordinates and the other harbingers all the time. (they’re honestly sick of it at this point but if any of them tell him that he’s too obsessed with you he’ll human experiment on them lol)

his love language is physical touch there i said it!!!!! he loves cuddling with you so bad, he likes it when you sit in his lap and rest your head against his shoulder while his arms are around your waist

head in hands i love him

okay so you know how dottore wants to “improve” and “enhance” humans with his weird robo science or whatever? not you he thinks you’re perfect, you are the apex of the human condition and he will tell you every chance he gets

idk why but dottore gives me honk shoo snoring vibes. completely unrelated but i thought i should share with the class

dottore’s job as a harbinger is very demanding of his time so when you can’t be with the real one he just sends one of his clones to you!! i like the idea of them having a shared consciousness (or something similar?) so it’s really just like he never left

THAT BEING SAID

when the real dottore comes back say bye to the clone because the real one wants you to himself

play with his hair. he loves it so much (i’m projecting bc his hair is so gender)

omg the overwhelming urge to steal his big dumb coat and wear it without telling him!!!!!! at first he’d be pissed like “wtf where my clothes 🧍‍♀️” but when he sees that you have it he’s not mad anymore lol. he is more than willing to share with his s/o and also it makes him feel like you belong to him

and now for my final special attack: dottore taking off his mask in front of you for the first time

personally i hc there’s some really bad scars/burns under there that he’s very insecure about so he never really takes off his mask

it’ll probably take a while for him to feel comfy showing you what he really looks like because he’s afraid that you won’t want him anymore when you see :(

kissing his scars while he tries not to cry happy tears bc you still love him (he’s failing, he cried for sure)

dottore feels very lucky to have you!! after all of the atrocities he’s committed (pre removal of guilt from his arsenal of emotions i guess) he thought he didn’t deserve love but you’re so good to him and he cherishes you more than you’ll ever know

anyway. stan dottore i guess

[isnt-that-wizardd]

hi idk if u “take requests” or anything but if u do or r looking for some inspo im dying for some content that shows simon just loving wille specifically smth like a worried protective simon !! or smth where they’re both protective of each other i just rlly want some good Simon being obsessed and fond and besotted w wille (id also love jealous simon if u like that but more like lighthearted jealousy—a possessiveness that doesn’t come from insecurity but just bc he wants wille to be his) if not a fic then a headcanon or j ur thoughts idk just anything w ur writing

hi!! I'm so totally open for requests or inspo! it's not often I get requests, but never hesitate to reach out if you ever have any more because i honestly love doing them. i think i can definitely get something in the works with a worried, protective simon being utterly besotted for his boy <3 i'm basically on yr brain rot right now, so i'd keep a look out for something soon!!

but to tide you over until then, here's some silly jealousy/being-protective-over-their-relationship headcanons for the boys:

wille is definitely more of a pouty, tinker bell "give me attention or i die" kind of jealous. but like, it doesn't bug him if simon is hanging out with someone else or if he's having a conversation with one of their classmates while wille sits next to him. instead, wille gets pouty when inanimate objects are getting more attention that him. he gets all "you haven't kissed me in an hour :((" or "stop writing things down, i wanna hold your hand" or "don't mind me, i'm just gonna lie across your lap while you play video games"

simon has a habit of like,, immediately giving in to wille's sad "pay attention to me" eyes, so he's started instituting rules that they're not allowed to study together anymore because damnit how did we end up cuddling in bed AGAIN, we have a test tomorrow

(wille also has a possessive side that rears its head every once in a while. sometimes he purposefully litters hickeys on simon's neck that are VERY visible to everyone, or he'll make a point to switch out simon's sweater for his own while their in the locker room. on one memorable occassion, they'd run into marcus in bjarstad and holy moly did wille make a show of tucking simon close to him with an arm securely around his waist that didn't move the rest of the time, save for when he slipped his hand into simon's back pocket)

simon, on the other hand, tries really hard not to get jealous. he doesn't want to be possessive and he doesn't want to seem needy, and he doesn't want to let himself repeat what happened last time he got jealous (read: attacking wille via dodgeball). but at the same time, like, he never thought he'd get to actually have wille. it had felt like the world came crashing down around him when wille denied the video, and he never thought they'd be able to find their way back to each other

when they actually were able to overcome everything and date for real and be in love out in the open, simon felt like he was floating on clouds for w e e k s. wille loved him and didn't want it to be a secret and this boy, the crown prince of sweden, was HIS

so even though simon doesn't want to be jealous, when something you've hoped for and wanted for so long finally gets to be yours, it's natural that you get, well. a little protective over it

so maybe sometimes he notices the smirk nils gives wille and less than subtly makes home in wille's lap. or maybe he notices that the latest phone call with the queen has wille's hackles up and pulls him into the music room to play him a little melody on the piano. or he pretends not to notice the way wille blantanly puts his hand in simon's pocket while marcus stands across the room because the show of affection makes his heart beat faster. and maybe he saves most of his own affection for behind closed doors and curtains because that smile wille gets belongs to him and if the whole world was able to see what wille looks like when he's happy and carefree then everyone else would fall in love with him too and wille is HIS goddamn it

both of them are 100%, all in, would rather die than give this up when it comes to their relationship, even if they know they’re still young and have a lifetime ahead of them. they’re utterly besotted and hopelessly in love and just want to spend their lives wrapped up in each other. they really just want to protect what they have, but they don’t let jealousy or possessiveness or anything get the better of them because they trust and love each other <3

[calamitydaze]

okay putting this under a cut bc it’s a kid with a bad lore take not the end of the world but i need to pick this apart so badly and it was left on My post so i think that’s within my right alright here we go. for context it was a comment on my post about how essential it is to understand the way cq’s behavior stems from his trauma

the entire point of what i was saying was that cquackity’s spiral of corruption happened because of his experiences with powerful, violent people (well aside from the fiances, but it was just fuel to the fire at that point). those are not good traits, and certainly not things to look for in a romantic partner, they’re trauma responses! (also putting aside the blatant mischaracterization of cwilbur for now, since the focus is cq i’ll just pretend he really is like that).

the part about cschlatt is fine, but the fiances… huh?? “sugar sweet”? a good point is almost made here where they highlight ksq’s issue of Not Talking about stuff and just hoping it works out, but are you really trying to say Mr Repression the Chronic Liar would be better in the communication department? mans is about two weeks from being on the ledge himself, i don’t think he’s equipped to help quackity deal with his issues. (also the fiances not communicating has actively been set up as a problem to overcome complete with narrative consequences, it’s not just a character incompatibility, but i digress). and regarding “confusing feeling”, i don’t wanna throw terms around but that leaves kind of a bad taste in my mouth? cquackity wasn’t confused in their relationship (aside from the dancing around each other before agreeing to be poly but it was mutual so i don’t think it counts), he loved them and felt comfortable despite his own insecurities which is why it hurt so much when they left! it was a “my worst fears came true” moment, not an “i always knew this would happen” moment! i also don’t like how it implies cq was less than an active and equal participant in the relationship and sort of decreases his agency (a huge part of his arc) but that feels a little nitpicky so i won’t harp on it

not much to say here just a weird personal anecdote that doesn’t really contribute anything but in the interest of transparency i wanted to include it. although now that i think about it they’re clearly referring to the fiances with “jokes and trying to make me feel better”, and just.. [gestures to jo’s post about how they almost started a war to help legitimize el rapids to the point of ckarl being willing to die for it]

okay where do i start. it’s absolutely true that cwilbur wants to push and challenge cq, but the sense of inferiority is a VITAL element of that dynamic! they’re both trying to make the other feel inferior and they both feel inferior to the other, that’s the whole point of ctnt, that push and pull of power over each other! did we read the same conversation in ho16? <- is what i would have said if you read it, BUT I KNOW YOU DIDNT! you admitted to not actually knowing the material and when talking about one of the most complex dynamics on the smp i PROMISE it shows. cquackity doesn’t need cwilbur’s encouragement to make himself better— by the time they meet again in las nevadas, that part of his arc has already happened! he’s at the peak! (a false peak, but still) which is exactly WHY their dynamic is so interesting, because they’re on equal ground now but both feel like they’re not. i don’t know how you’re missing this key component of what is apparently your favorite relationship in the whole thing!

but when we get to the last point, where “wilbur is trying to make quackity better”, that’s where this all starts to make sense. this person’s entire argument hinges on the fundamental misunderstanding that ln!quackity is the best version of himself. and that’s…… ?!!!?!!?! THATS WRONG? everything about everything that’s happened during las nevadas tells us that’s wrong. (also everything in my original post? we’re on like layer 7 right now) yes cquackity is ruthless, that’s a trait he adopted from people who hurt him to help him survive. it’s not a good thing, and shouldn’t be the final stage of his character. i don’t even know where to begin with calling las nevadas where cq is his most controlled and mentally stable but honestly i don’t think i need to say anything

in conclusion: i think this comment is a classic example of what i’m gonna call the Revived Trap: girlbossifying the performance characters put on for others as some sort of narrative growth instead of the trauma-born tragedy it really is, with no interest in examining why or how that performance came to be. this person doesn’t actually want cq OR cwilbur to be healthy happy people, they want an enemies to lovers villain couple where they can continue to enable each other’s worst selves. at least unlike derivikat and cg5, i know why they fell into this trap: because they’ve never actually seen the dream smp.

[realcube]

trying to be nice to their crush hcs

navi | masterlist | taglist

thank you to 🍦anon for this cute request!

characters: tsukishima, kyōtani, sakusa & suna

content warning: swearing & sexual references 

kei tsukishima 

♡ this is all yamaguchi’s fault （︶^︶）

♡ he found out tsukki had a crush on you bc he mentioned you a lot in conversation so yamaguchi interrogated him for answers then lo and behold, the beanpole had a lil thing for you 

♡ you sit in front of tsukishima in homeroom while yamaguchi sits beside him so when you leaned back and asked him if you could borrow a pencil and he spat back a snarky remark about you being too irresponsible to care for your own pencils, yamaguchi hastily offered you one of his own before scolding tsukishima 

♡ he explained to his clueless friend that being nasty to people isn’t a good way to get them to like you 

♡ so perhaps he should be nicer :)

♡ honestly, tsukishima would’ve just looked yamaguchi straight in the eyes and went ‘no’, if it wasn’t for the fact you shot tadashi the sweetest smile anD PLAYFULLY BLEW HIM A KISS AFTER HE JUST GAVE YOU A DAMN PENCIL LIKE WTF 

♡ after that, he decided to give up his current personality and pick up a new one 

♡ jk jk 

♡ but he had to binge a whole bunch of those youtube psychology videos that are like ‘psychological tricks to make people like you’ and ‘THESE 5 MIND TRICKS WILL MAKE YOU THE MOST POPULAR PERSON *EVER*’!!

♡ spoiler alert: he wasn’t the most popular person but perhaps that was bc he only went to the effort of using those tricks on you 

♡ god bless him; he tries hard, he really does. (not his best, just hard)

♡ but you don’t have to be extremely observant to realise that he’s began acting different around you and of course, it confused you seeing tsukishima being nice

♡ what irritated you was how dismissive he was being of your questions though, as he was clearly trying to lead you to believe that you were crazy and he’s just always been a nice guy 

♡ but as soon as he figures out that he angered you, he’ll instantly switch back to him normal self - draining his mind of the hours of phycology studying he did last night to just pretend like it never happened 

♡ and if he’s feeling flirty, he might be extra mean to you （￣︶￣）

♡ also he makes a mental note to never take yamaguchi’s romance advice ever again 🙄

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you sighed, removing your hand from your bag after desperately rummaging through it in search of a pencil once again - deja vu. once you accepted that a pencil wasn’t going to materialise out of thin air, you peered over your shoulder and tapped the corner of yamaguchi’s desk, who wore a suspicious grin which you decided against questioning. 

“yamaguchi, do you think i could borrow a pencil again? sorry, this is the last time, i swear. i’ll be sure to get some on my way home after school tod--” 

yamaguchi dropped the line him and tsukishima had rehearsed many times beforehand, while clutching his pencilcase dear to his chest, “woah, (y/n). you’re so irresponsible. sorry, i can’t lend one of my pristine pencils to someone who is too forgetful to remember to buy some; what if you forget to return it to me?” 

tsukishima cringed at how forced it sounded but he couldn’t help but admire yamaguchi's dedication to his role. this allowed tsukishima to swoop in, pencil in hand, “here.” that wasn’t in the script but he panicked! okay, now, eye contact. 

you just sat there and stared at both of them with the most dumbfounded look plastered on your face. what just happened?  why were they both acting like they were in drama class?  and why are they both so bad at acting? they’re both passing performing arts for fucks’ sake!

kentarō kyōtani 

♡ sorry but i firmly believe kyōtani is the sorta guy to be extra mean to ppl he fancies smh

♡ the rest of them just act (somewhat) like themselves around their crush but kyōtani is himself2 (himself^2)

♡ like one time yahaba found you trembling in your locker bc you had gotten mud on mad dog’s white shoes so he chased you through the hallways of the school, threatening to trek mud on your forehead 

♡ yahaba took it upon himself to investigate as to why kyōtani was so rude to you and he got his answer as soon as he mentioned your name to mad dog and the boy’s face immediately flushed red 

♡ so after practise, yahaba schools mad dog on how to get chicks (⌐■_■)

♡ in short, his advice was ‘good guys get laid’ and for kyōtani’s understanding, ‘good’ and ‘kind’ were interchangeable 

♡ mad dog wasn’t completely oblivious to how he treated you and he was aware that he was far from ‘kind’

♡ although he usually doesn’t listen to people in general, yahaba seemed to know what he was talking about so he figured there was no harm in trying to be nice 

♡ but ngl, he just spent the rest of the day wondering...what is kind?

♡ after a few messages back and forth with yahaba, he figured that the best place to start was by apologising for - y’know - chasing you around the whole school 

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

“oi!” kyōtani bellowed through hallway, paying no mind to the students that cast him dirty looks as his sights were locked on you. standing unsuspecting by your locker, stuffing your textbooks into your bag until you heard his deep voice echo through the hall, to which you visibly perked up and began frantically looking around.

he marched towards you, hands in pockets and when you noticed him out of the corner of your eye, you were more than ready to drop all your shit and bolt away. but he didn’t let you as before you were able to take off on your heels, he grabbed your shoulder and spun you around to face him - then he noticed your hands raised in defence by your face and your head hung low.

his heart sank and his grip on your shoulder immediately softened, “i’m not gonna punch you, idiot.” he spat, rolling his eyes and gritting his teeth, trying to appear angry in hopes you’d mistake his light blush for pure rage. 

“i just wanted to say that i felt bad for chasing you through the halls yesterday - you didn’t stand a chance so i guess it was a bit unfair.” he said, frowning as you replied with silence so the duty fell on him to fill it, “and i got the stain out, anyway so.” 

more silence. lovely.

suddenly, he puffed his cheeks out as his eyes snapped to meet yours and he roared, “ARE YOU GONNA FUCKING SAY SOMETHING OR ARE YOU TOO BRAINDE-”

“are you wearing eyeliner?” 

and that was the true story behind why you missed last period, because you and kyōtani had a 30 minute conversation about eyeliner and make-up, then he convinced you to skip the rest of class with him so he could buy you ramen as an apology gift.

so yeah, he figured that perhaps he should try being nice more often.

kiyoomi sakusa

♡ he didn’t need someone to tell him to be nicer, he’s just predisposed to attempt to show kindness to someone he is fond of

♡ in his mind, showing kindness, respect and stripping himself of all his personality = the only way to be desirable 

♡ (ofc this takes place before he meets atsumu tho lol)

♡ so it’s not the realisation that’s the problem for him, it’s the execution 

♡ like how is he supposed to be nice without either sounding creepy or condescending? 

♡ *cut to sakusa practising in the bathroom mirror* ‘your hand looks- no-’ he scoffs, flicking cold water onto his face, ‘your hair looks cool- pretty- nice?’

♡ *camera pans to sakusa laying in bed, staring intently at the ceiling while imagining vivid and scarily detailed scenarios about ways he could mess up while talking to you* 

♡ *camera zooms in on sakusa’s face as he manifests a nicer version of himself*

♡ he might - depending on how insecure he is - watch one of those psychology videos or read a wikihow for help

♡ but other than that, he independently tries to alter his personality in order to gain your favour bc..true love ?

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you smiled as a basketball rolled up to your feet during gym class, followed by the sound of someone approaching you and upon raising your gaze, your eyes met sakusa’s unmistakable black ones. his face hovered only a few inches away from yours due to the fact you had both reached down to pick up the ball at the same time.

he quickly pulled himself away, tucking the basketball under his elbow as he adjusted his mask so it properly covered his face to ensure that you didn’t see the light blush slowly spreading across his cheeks. he then proceeded to blurt out what he had been rehearsing for the past few nights, “oh, thank you, (y/n). your hair looks lovely today, by the way.”

you giggled, holding your hands firmly by your side to avoid fidgeting and making it obvious that his sudden comment flustered you, “thanks, sakusa. and, if we’re handing out compliments today, i didn’t know you were good at any sport other than volleyball but you’re doing surprisingly well at basketball.” you joked, your lips slowly curling into a cocky smirk, “though, i don’t think you’d stand a chance against my team.” 

god, you’re such a tease. you make it so hard for him to be nice to you. so, of course, your comment returned his ability to utter almost every sarcastic comment that comes to mind - screw being likeable. “you think so?” he quirked a brow, tossing the ball onto your lap then pacing backwards, “go on, then.”

rintarō suna

♡ it was probably those tips on social media that told him he has to be nicer 

♡ and plus he saw terushima get all the chicks and he was just sitting there like ‘where are my bitches at? 🥺’

♡ anyway, all the guys on social media that had girls lining up outside their door always had one thing in common: misogyny  obnoxious personalities !!

♡ and his whole personality was a sacrifice suna was willing and ready to make for just a crumb of cooch  🤲

♡ though you weren’t exactly his crush yet, suna thought you were the best person to carry out this experiment with bc he heard through the grapevine that you had a crush on him so perhaps this would make you happy

♡ he didn’t prepare much beforehand though which he immediately regretted as soon as he approached you bc admittedly, his game plan of ‘be self-assured but friendly’ was a bit vague 

♡ so he basically just had to bullshit through a whole, awkward conversation with you while wearing a forced ‘bold’ smirk which, in reality, looked as though he had just seen tiddies for the first time 

♡ hardly self-assured or friendly 

♡ also, the fact you thought he was playing a prank on you must’ve drastically altered the results of his experiment 

♡ at one point he says something extremely stupid you’d just quit playing along and just blurt out ‘wtf is wrong with you today’

♡ to which he’d be like ‘ahaha, nuthin much bbg, how bout you?’

♡ THE EXPERIEMNT ISN’T OVER UNTIL HE SAYS IT’S OVER OKAy?!

♥　♡　♥　♡　♥　♡　♥

you rubbed your temples in order to soothe the throbbing headache suna gave you simply by existing. like yes, you had a crush on him 10 minutes ago - but that was before he came up to you and started acting like terushima on dodgy medication. “oh and your skin is glowing bab--”

“jesus christ, rintarō, shut up!” you cried, gripping the edge of your skirt to prevent your self from delivering a swift punch right to his stupid face. he’s seriously gotten on all your nerves at this point; firstly, by spamming your phone in the middle of the night asking for homework answers (accompanied by cursed memes) as he actually managed to wake you up. secondly, by acting so oblivious to the fact you clearly had a crush on him and now, this!

heat rose to his cheeks in embarrassment as his creepy smile instantly fell right back into his resting bitch face, “this isn’t working, is it?” 

“what’s not working?”

suna scoffed, rolling his eyes - his façade having evidently disappeared. “this.” he sighed, looking around as if someone was going to save him before his eyes finally settled on you and he was reminded of what he wanted in the first place, his sparkle was rekindled for just a moment which caused him to blurt out, “just fuck me already, i’m not asking for much.”

[maschotch]

unpopular opinion- rossi gets more hate than jj and jj deserves it way more than rossi

hmm i tentatively agree with this. rossi has a lot of problems of his own: he’s played by a horrible actor, his mob/military background is boring as shit, he’s a misogynist (he’s gotten better but im p sure thats just him getting milder in his old age) and oh yeah he’s fucking racist aljdlajd so its hard for me to straight up say he doesnt deserve the hate he gets

that being said i feel like people arent necessarily mad at him for the right reasons? like i barely hear anyone talk ab any of the above, mostly its that he’s just mean to reid. which… i mean he’s not not mean to reid. but if we’re comparing apples to apples, i think he’s not nearly as bad as jj in that sense. it may just be a matter of personal opinion: i happen to think his jokes land better and overall his humor seems to come from a better place. it feels like he jokes around for the sake of the joke bc he sees an opportunity to be funny, as opposed to jj who seems to be making fun of reid as a way to seek validation from others that she’s better than him

this may just be me finding a snarky old man less threatening than a blonde haired blue eyed mean girl, but idk there just seems to be a difference between “we found him on the steps of the fbi” and the annoyed faces jj makes every time reid speaks. one is clearly a joke, obviously an exaggeration, and spoken with a bemused fondness. the other plays into reid’s insecurities, is only meant to be funny to others, and comes from genuine annoyance. this is just the energy i get from them, but idk how my many years of anti jj bias plays into the interpretation of their actions

i guess its bc, as much as rossi makes fun of reid, they’re backhanded compliments more than anything and unlike jj he’ll actually give reid credit (showing him off to his friend w the crossword puzzles). he acknowledges reid’s strengths even as he puts him down, while jj seems to tolerate him. i think rossi plays the grumpy grandpa role well, and it works bc he doesnt take himself to seriously either. he can take a joke when jj would just get defensive

but that confidence is also part of whats frustrating about him. he’s frequently wrong and stuck in the old ways, but still feels justified and a sense of pride. jj rejects her roots (she doesnt do it well, but at least she’s vocal ab her disappointment w her childhood) but rossi frequently reminisces ab “the good ol days” whether its back in his early bau days w gideon, back in his days w the military, back in his days w his mob buddies, or back when he was growing up in general. jj doesnt like to admit she’s wrong bc she’s defensive and has an inferiority complex. rossi doesnt like to admit he’s wrong bc, more often than not, he still thinks he’s right

personally i agree w u bc i find jj way more annoying. ive also grown weary of the fandom pretending she’s an angel when i have yet to hear anyone point out any redeeming qualities she may have (spoiler alert: there are none). meanwhile i dont really hear anyone talk positively ab rossi… not that he deserves it at all aldhakhd its just makes it more obvious that people like jj for no reason. ultimately it is just a matter of opinion, i just dont think many people bother defending rossi so its less irritating when he clearly does something wrong. pointing out jj’s flaws feels like an uphill battle against people plugging their ears, digging their heels, and pretending she’s perfect.

ultimately rossi is just a goofy old man set in his ways, and its hard to blame him for that. hate to use such an overused word, but he’s just a boomer aldhskhc and on the boomer scale he’s not that bad akdhkshd. but jj is young. part of being young is learning to grow from your mistakes. she’s not even willing to admit she makes any. i think thats why its harder for me to forgive her akdhskh which may not be fair: rossi gets the “he doesnt know any better” excuse from the “cant teach an old dog new tricks” cliche (as problematic as it is). jj is far more stubborn and abrasive, which is less forgivable when she’s still supposed to be growing as a person. she’s stunting her own growth and idk if she could ever admit it

[thefandomcassandra]

i want to hear more about your norma thoughts. also, some norma thoughts for your consideration: maybe im reading into it but i got the impression that shes secretly desperate for validation. i think that before she joined the psychonauts she never really felt like she had anywhere to belong, and that's a big part of why she's so adamant about finding the mole bc she wants to prove herself and she doesn't want to lose her 'place' in the world, if that makes sense. (sorry if this is weird)

Okay boy, you’ve activated my trap card!!!

(Don’t worry, it’s not weird, I asked for engagement. I love engagement. Talk to me about things like this. It’s so good. Thank you. /gen)

(apologies if this isn’t as in-depth as you or I would like, I was in the middle of writing this when my goddamn computer crashed and I lost everything so this is my second time typing this up and some details might have been eaten by the void, also it is late for me and this may meander and be incoherent in places)

Oh she is absolutely desperate for validation. Like I said in my original post: I was almost like Norma. The only thing that kept me from being her was severe social anxiety. I couldn’t snitch because I was too scared of talking to people--especially adults and other people in power.

Norma strikes me as the type of person who is horribly insecure and that drives her desire for validation to the point of self-destruction. I made mention that, while Raz is trusting to the point of handing people knives to stick in his back later, Norma burns bridges when she crosses them so people can’t do that to her. She wants people to like her, but only people in power. She wants people to trust her, but only on her terms. She wants to be in a position where no one can hurt her, but she’s willing to hurt others to get there.

Even her sister.

There’s a really really good pair of fics on AO3 that got me thinking about Norma like this (Fire on Ice by PresidentStalkeyes and The Cold Shoulder by PresidentStalkeyes) and I’m not gonna lie about it. The idea that hydrokinetic (and by extension, cryokinetic because most people won’t know they’re different psychic disciplines) psychics are reviled because of Maligula is actually probably something that happened. So for the twin (coz they have to be twins) sister of an openly cryokinetic psychic, she would be, by association, as bad as if not worse than Maligula, an actual terrorist and mass-murderer.

No Psychic Protection Act will prevent mobs from forming if they feel threatened.

So Norma, judging by how she dresses--like a prep-school know-it-all--versus how Lizzie dresses--like a stereotypical psychic or a witch--probably wants to pretend in “polite” (read: non-psychic) company that she’s like them. Normal Norma and her creepy psychic sister. But Lizzie is used to being thrown under the bus so she just rolled with it. Leaned into it even.

But yeah, being so desperate for someone to need her, for anyone to say “you did a good job, we couldn’t have done this without you” is probably why Norma does what she does regarding the whole mole situation.

Imagine you want to be noticed. To stand out from your peers. And for the first time ever, you being a psychic is actually helpful instead of a problem. So you have to be the best psychic. And not just the best psychic, the best psychic spy.

You’re good at getting people to talk. You’re persistent and charismatic and you know just the right words to get people to say things they don’t mean to say--even without probing their mind with telepathy or picking up on ambient emotions with empathy--and reveal things they don’t want to reveal because you know that people, like you, are desperate for someone to listen. Then you hear there is a mole at your workplace right after some baby-faced teen gets admitted to a program you had to work your ass off to get into. He has to be the mole. He can’t be better than you--not without cheating and not without reason.

Because if he’s better than you, then you’re not worth noticing.

Because if he’s better than you, then you’re not special.

Because if he’s better than you, then why are you even here?

Anyway I think that Raz’s earnest nature genuinely is the foil for Norma’s cynicism but they share a lot of the same desire to be useful and needed and noticed. And, credit where credit is due, but @sparrowdoodles commented this in the tags of their reblog of the original post and this is a fair point I didn’t consider:

#this is interesting to think about when also examining their psychic abilities #Norma specializes in pyrokinesis #where as raz has hydrokinesis #fire and water being two element seen as related to eachother #while also being opposites! #just a fun thing I noticed

That dichotomy also is a neat little thing to think about. Norma holds on to grudges. Simmers. She keeps the embers of things close to her chest and stokes them to fuel whatever she’s pursuing at the time. Raz, on the other hand, lets things roll off him. Like water, he lets things sink through him and rides the wave past its crest.

To borrow a turn of phrase: like water off a duck’s back.

Anyway I’m certain I had more to say about this but my brain has turned to soup and brevity is the soul of wit and by god and heaven above I cannot be brief to save my goddamn life apparently lmao.

Thanks for asking. /gen

My inbox is always open for people to come ask me about characters and headcanons. I have so much to say about things all the time--like psychic specialties and what kind of treatises must have been written about psychic powers and holy fuck please ask me about Otto I love that morally grey science grandpa--and am always willing to expand upon the original thoughts. But, alas, I don’t show up in tags for some un-fucking-known reason (my running theory is I’ve been shadowbanned for years but who knows) so any engagement and numbers I do are because someone else reblogs my posts and then bam! Others do the same.

Like the Norma post.

So yeah, continue asking me about things I fucking love to talk (as seen above) and have so much to say (i.d.) and please reblog.

[unohanadaydreams]

More re-read live blog bc I got hit with Mayuri and Kenpachi right after another so how can I leave that for later.

I think Kubo immersed Szayelaporro in the religious motifs right down to this point that he does multiple times. Like a righteous believer of faith, he believes he is beyond having a finger point back at him. Except all of his faith is purely in himself, he suffers not on a physical cross, but on his own faults, and it is pure irony that he must see a sword pointed back at his hand for a hundred years.

Sorry you had to fall on your own righteous sword, king.

Not only does Grimmjow say in the plainest terms without saying it outright that he wants Ichigo dead partly because of his friends being dead, but he also refuses to let Ichigo act as though he DOESNT want to fight Grimmjow. That he doesn’t hold a lot of resentment and anger at the Arrancar for threatening the people he cares about.

Don’t be so holier than thou. You want Ulquiorra dead for tarnishing Orihime’s reputation. You want Grimmjow dead for tarnishing your pride. You’re not above fighting to fight or you’d already be sprinting away to get the fuck out of endless night Dodge.

Also the 1000 years bit makes me SHXHSKJWHDIS because if only we had more of these clues to the next main arc sprinkled in.

What about before the 1000 years? Perhaps, is the endless cycle of shinigami and hollows something Yamamoto helped create to establish Shinigami’s seemingly ageless position as The protectors of balance and souls.

This is SO FUCKING FUNNY. The moments before we find out that Nelliel is not a toddler fucking kill me because this tall ass man is bragging about fucking up a child the size of his face.

And the first time you read this manga you’re left to wonder if she was like the Light Yagami of fucking toddlers for her to make it as an Espada.

He says this, but more accurately, he can’t stand that Nelliel is the only one to give him the time of day and he STILL can’t beat her, despite her casual kindness toward him that is obviously something hollows view as weakness.

I’m not sure when Harribel became an espada, but I don’t think Nnoitra ever tries to fuck her up so idk Nnoitra. Seems like ur pulling the usual bruised ego card and blaming the closest woman you can latch on to for your emotional problems and inability to move upward in a system where stagnation equals fucking death.

You’re closer to him than you are to her. You’re flailing around like an animal and she scolds you in between teaching you new tricks. And you hate her for every looking at you. For staying her hand. For giving you chances and advice and looking you in the eye.

This what happens when you don’t put a rabid animal down miss Nelliel especially when he begs you to do it constantly.

But for real, I think Nelliel just straight up was never going to last as an espada even if Nnoitra hadn’t done this.

Him playing dirty is less about him and more about how Nelliel was brought low by her delusion that the espada were a new, more civilized group of beings under Aizen. She doesn’t anticipate this sort of thing, because she projects her own values of dignity and honor on to even the most unstable of her peers and subordinates—like Nnoitra.

I mean, it for sure illustrates further his massive insecurity and desperation to be SEEN as stronger even if he has to do so by dishonest means. But the main jist of this flashback definitely seems to be that Nelliel was not just prey to Nnoitra and her attitude aided in her downfall.

She just wanted to eat with her lovable oafs 😔

Weird how….how they both…..have huge monster men…..at their beck and call…..

You think they bond over their love of bara monsters but in like the most veiled and insulting way so they can pretend they’re using them for science and willful cruelty instead of lusting after men who could break them in half.

Weird how he cares about Tesla when he’s built like a fucking luxury car stacked on hooves. Make your monster fucking show a little less, Nnoitra.

I’m kidding, I just love how much Kubo is committed to giving us heavily repressed men. Fucking delicious.

[gameofdrarry]

Wizards Hearts Smut Recs: First Time

Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here. Players could opt in to an additional suit of 13 cards, all themed around various popular smut tropes.

Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!

📜 Another Heart Whispers Back by slytherco Rated:  Explicit Words:  53,693 Tags:  Friends to Lovers, Auror Harry Potter, Potioneer Draco Malfoy, Pining Draco Malfoy, Oblivious Harry Potter, Virgin Harry Potter, Unrequited But Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Casual Intimacy, Humor, Comedy, Blind Date, First Dates, Bets & Wagers, Meddling, Love Confessions, Idiots in Love, Making Out, First Time, First Time Blow Jobs, Rimming, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Post-Coital Cudding, Shower Sex, Tattooed Harry Potter, Magical Tattoos, Taste of Smut 2020 Summary:  At twenty-five, Harry Potter is still a virgin and sorely lacking in options to change that state anytime soon. To help him find a plus one for Ron and Hermione’s wedding, and maybe kill two birds with one stone, Harry’s friends set him up on a series of blind dates. The only problem is, there’s something not quite right with each of their candidates. “Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back. Those who wish to sing always find a song. At the touch of a lover, everyone becomes a poet.” ― Plato In which Harry learns that some things are worth waiting for, that looking and seeing are two very different things, and that his heart’s song has been heard a long time ago. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Heart's Honest Truth by bixgirl1 & carpemermaid Rated:  Explicit Words:  16,020 Tags:  Hogwarts Eighth Year, Awkward First Times, Truth Spells, Alternating POV, Magical Accidents, Getting Together, Magical Theory, 2017 Draco's Merry-Making Mini Fest See work for more tags Summary:  "Don't you think I would have gone to Pomfrey if I thought she could help me?" "Then what can I do?" "I nee--" Malfoy broke off with a soft grunt and a pained expression. He took a shaky breath and tried again, his voice wobbling. "Will you touch me, Potter?" Draco is cursed to speak in questions. Well...Spelled, thanks to the stupidly improper archival practices of the fourth century. Harry Potter is there to save the day, but Draco isn't going to give in to his help so easily. Fortunately, the method of saving might be more satisfactory than Draco expected this time. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 When All Your Dreams Come True by Drarrelie Rated:  Explicit Words:  9448 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Hogwarts Eighth Year, PWP, Porn with Feelings, Threesome - M/M/M, dubcon, Mistaken Identity, Pining, secret crushes, Plot Twist, virgins, Birthday, Draco Malfoy's Birthday, Birthday Presents, POV Draco Malfoy, Birthday Sex, Birthday Smut, Sexual Fantasy, First Time, First Time Bottoming, First Time Topping, Don't copy to another site, Fanart Welcome, Podfic Welcome Summary:  Six weeks ago, Draco gave his friend-with-benefits a most unexpected and precious gift for his birthday. It's only fair Blaise should reciprocate if given the chance, right? ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Take a trip into my garden by Andithiel Rated:  Explicit Words:  5974 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Porn with Feelings, Established Relationship, Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, First Time Bottoming, Draco in lingerie, Bisexual Harry Potter, Rimming, Anal Sex, Really there might be too much feeling for it to count as pwp, As usual when I write, Enthusiastic Consent Summary:  Harry has only been dating Draco for about two months, but he’s already obsessed with the git. And he knows that today, Draco has something special planned, something that includes him being dressed in skimpy lingerie. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Inside Your Mind by lazywonderland Rated:  Explicit Words:  36376 Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Top Harry, Bottom Draco, Harry Potter POV, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Bullying, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, FlirtingVirgin Draco Malfoy, Loss of Virginity, First Time, Anal Sex Anal Fingering, Smut, Angst, Overstimulation, Submissive Draco, Rimming, Multiple Orgasms, Protective Goyle, very very minor d/s elements, revolving mostly around subspace, Dominant Harry, Forced Orgasm, and lavender's alive bc i said so Summary:  Goyle's taken it upon himself to act as Malfoy's personal, one-man guard and Harry can't help but feel like it's only making the bullying worse. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 By Your Hands  by GiRa Rated:  Explicit Words:  7625 Tags: Smut, Fluff and Smut, First Time, Virgin Draco Malfoy, Established Relationship, Bottom Draco Malfoy, Top Harry Potter Summary:  After being together for months, Draco wants to try going a step further with Harry. The only problem is that he actually has no idea what he's doing - but thankfully Harry is more than happy to guide him through it. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Sexplanations (Of the Horrible Sort)  by bixgirl1 Rated:  Explicit Words:  7048 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Secret Sex, Secret Relationship, Humor, Snark, Confused Relationships, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, sex injuries, Semi-Public Sex, Embarrassing Situations, Bottom Draco Summary:  Harry's willing to put up with a certain amount of injury, as long as he and Malfoy can keep doing... whatever it is they're doing. Maybe. Mostly. Especially if there might be more to it than sex. Based on a tumblr headcanon. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Gentlewizard Club by Sophie_French Rated:  Explicit Words:  28129 Tags: Pining, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Sharing a Bed, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, First Time, Humor, Explicit Sexual Content Summary:  Draco wants what Draco wants. And if he has to snuggle up to Harry to get it, well, surely, Draco can handle that. Problem is, not sure Harry can. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You Set My Soul Alight by parkkate Rated:  Explicit Words:  54075 Tags: Post-War, Auror Partners, Case Fic, Enemies to Lovers, Mystery, Adventure, Romance, Pining, Getting Together, Sharing a Bed, Banter, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Loss of Virginity, First Time, Mildly Dubious Consent, Consent Issues, Secrets, Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Sleep talking, Frottage, Rimming, Face-Sitting, Intergluteal Sex, Anal Sex, Switching, Blow Jobs, Fluff, Angst, references to suicidal thoughts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, References to Depression, Mental Health Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Arguing, Reconciliation, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Angst with a Happy Ending Summary:  Students are going missing at Hogwarts, but that's not the only mystery Draco is determined to solve. Something’s going on with Potter. He can deny it all he wants. Draco is going to find out what it is. Unfortunately, trying to get to the bottom of it has some unexpected consequences and if Draco isn’t careful, he’s going to jeopardise their mission. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Sincere Gratitude from the (Heart) Hand by _Melodic_ (Sae) Rated:  Explicit Words:  1325 Tags: Hand Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Play, First Time, POV Harry, Smut, Humor, Shameless Smut, Porn With Plot, Prostate Massage, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Hogwarts Era, Students, Pining, Sexual Tension, Sexual Content, Sexual Inexperience, Virgin Harry, Oblivious Ron, Awesome Hermione Granger, Seduction, Sneaking Around, Classroom Sex Summary:  Two weeks later and Malfoy has yet to repay his debt to Harry. Does Harry even want him to? Oh Merlin, yes he does! ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 You Are Safe (I Know) by hephaestiions Rated:  Explicit Words:  42568 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Second War with Voldemort, Hand Jobs, Voyeurism, Exile, Racism, Person of Color Harry Potter, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Past Abuse, Minor Character Death, Blood, Azkaban, Drinking, Implied/Referenced Underage Drinking, Hyperventilation, Dissociation, H/D Erised 2020 Summary:  Draco Malfoy is sentenced to one year of exile following his participation in the Second Wizarding War. Harry Potter tags along. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 The Spoiling of Sex From Enthusiastic Ignorance by Cibee (Cibeeeee) Rated:  Explicit Words:  6087 Tags: Humor, Fluff, Mutual Piningm Friends to Lovers, Misunderstandings, First Kiss, Making Out, Loss of Virginity, Awkward First Times, Eventual Enthusiastic Fucking, Vulgar Language, Rimming, Blow Jobs, Premature Ejaculation, Post-Hogwarts, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, POV Draco Malfoy, Virgin Draco Malfoy, Flustered Harry Potter, Switch Draco Malfoy, Switch Harry Potter, Thirsty Draco Malfoy, Quidditch Player Harry Potter, Minor Pansy Parkinson/Ginny Weasley, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  Draco is going to lose his virginity, so help him god, and he's going to lose it to one Harry Potter. Why? Because of his big cock, his status as The Top Five Quidditch Players in England, and Witch Weekly's Most-Eligible Bachelor for eight years straight. At least that's what he tells himself. Too bad first times rarely go as one plans, and now Harry is looking miserable and Draco doesn’t understand why. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Lost Boys by Dahlia_Rose_83 Rated:  Explicit Words:  32278 Tags: Hogwarts Eighth Year, Party Games, Secret Relationship, Falling In Love, First Time, Smut, Clueless Harry, Insecure Draco, Helpful Luna, Oral Sex, Anal Sex,Top Draco Malfoy, Bottom Harry Potter Summary:  On his way to meet Voldemort in the forbidden forest, Harry ran into Draco, who kissed him. Now they're both back at Hogwarts for their eighth year and he doesn't really know how to act towards the blond. ❤️ Read on AO3

📜 Wings on Fire by CapricornBookworm Rated:  Explicit Words:  1938 Tags: Coming Out, Enemies to Lovers, Banter, Clubbing, Dancing, Semi-Public Sex, Kissing, Grinding, Blow Jobs, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Rimming, Bottom Harry Potter, Top Draco Malfoy, Morning After, Virgin Harry Potter, First Time, Wizarding Media, Idiots in Love Summary:  Harry was sick of being everyone’s angel, the 'golden boy,' the Chosen One. And if he was going to go out of favor, he was going to go out flaming. ❤️ Read on AO3

[cabinofimagines]

Hazel’s ABC’s

fuck i keep doing this, the moral of the story is: don’t let me write anything that’s based on a schedule bc i will forget about it. (peep @incorrect-coi-quotes ​ )

pairing ; hazel x gn!reader

wc ; 1,526

request ; nah pls just enjoy this

- day

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

She would definitely want to go horseback riding with you, but other than that, she’ll often spend time in the arts and crafts center with you, forcing you with a smile to help her paint something or maybe make a pot to hold the items you bring her from quests.

Beauty - What do the admirer s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

She loves the way your eyes light up when you smile. The way your eyes squint in amusement when Piper whispers an inside joke to you, it just makes her heart flip. She’ll often try to use knock knock jokes or things she stole from Leo to make you smile.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

Hazel might panic herself. The first time it happens she might be close to tears, calling someone over to help you in the meantime. After that first experience she’ll be way more prepared, but she still feels guilty that she was so useless the first time around. She’ll always find different ways to cheer you up if you’re down though, but if nothing works, she’ll sit in silence with you too.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Hazel really wants a small family. Further in the future, of course, but she really wants to take care of a kid with you. But if you don’t want a kid, she would settle for an animal as long as they like her.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Hazel is a mix. Most days she’s very affectionate and go with the flow, but when she’s irritated she likes to take charge. 

Fight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Hazel really hates fighting. She tries to settle disputes as soon as she can because she doesn’t want to leave things in a bad note. 

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

She is constantly complimenting you and thanking you whenever you do something for her. She’s very aware how much you do and it makes her all the more grateful to see that you’re still doing things for her despite being busy.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Hazel will keep things to herself sometimes, but only if it’s especially important. She values honesty but finds it hard to admit things from her past or struggles she deals with these days.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

You make her more comfortable in the modern world. There is still so much that Hazel doesn’t understand and she really appreciates the little history lessons you two have.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

Not very. There are times she’ll get insecure because she thinks that maybe you deserve better, but she never gets angry. You can usually tell she’s jealous when she grows quiet and fiddles with pieces of her hair or tugging at her clothes. 

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Hazel got better with kisses over time. The first kiss was so innocent you nearly screamed. Her lips shyly finding yours and barely brushing against them before she jerked back suddenly, hands coming to cover her face. Your laughter and kind smile brought her to ease and soon you shared another kiss.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

She was so much more endearing to you than she was to the others. It was apparent that she had a crush on you, but was much more quiet about it. You would have to make the first move, or at least encourage her. She’d confess soon after with a mumble of how much she liked you.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

She once tried to race you on horseback and you’d fallen off somewhere along the way. She only noticed when she won the race. When she went back to find you, she saw you sitting on the grass with arms crossed and a pout, “you didn’t even notice I fell!”

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Sweetheart mostly, but sometimes she’ll mix it up and call you baby or an endearing nickname.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

You guys are practically besties. She knows your coffee order by heart, knows what you dislike people doing, she knows everything about you and vice versa. She swears she has a horrible memory when it comes to her friends but she can remember what you said on a Thursday night three weeks ago just fine.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

She’s cool to sneak a kiss, but she gets easily embarrassed if there are others around. She won’t mind an arm around the waist or maybe a soft kiss to her forehead, but otherwise she’s too shy to show her affection publicly.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Hazel hates conflict. When it does happen, she’s quick to resolve it and because of that, even your most serious arguments never last more than a few hours. 

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Hazel can get really creative and sneaky when she wants to be. If it were your birthday, she would probably pretend to forget (which hurt her to see the look on your face) and then surprise you with your name spelled out in candles on the beach.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Hazel is your biggest cheerleader at all times. You woke up? Yay! You ate three meals? Awesome! You made it back safely from a quest? You’re so cool! She would definitely be elated to see you achieve your goals.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice up your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

She isn’t afraid to try new things, but the routine of her everyday life is sort of a comfort after all of the hell she’s gone through. If you needed a change of scenery or pace then she wouldn’t be opposed to it.

Understanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

She knows nearly everything about you and vice versa, you two are extremely close. Because of this she is able to sympathize easily when you come to her with troubles and you do the same.

Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is it worth in comparison to other things in their life?

The relationship is super important to Hazel because she feels like she has found a confidant that isn’t her brother. She’ll do anything to ensure that you stay with her, if not as a lover, at least as a friend.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

Hazel likes cooking and often will ask you to join her. weather you can cook or not, Hazel always wins the friendly competition you two have. You think that the judges (Percy, Frank, and Piper) are probably biased, but give her the win anyway.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

She is extremely affectionate to everyone so it is tenfold when it comes to you. She isn’t one for PDA, but when you two are alone you’ll be pampered with the best of kisses varying from your forehead, cheeks, lips, shoulders, really just anywhere she can reach. She will constantly give you back hugs while you’re working on something and likes to lay against you when she can. She just really likes touching you.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

She tries to brush it off, but finds that she misses you more than she thought she would. She keeps one of your hoodies around to sleep with at night and sprays your perfume over her pillow if the smell of you fades from your hoodie.

Zeal - are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

She’ll let you have the last bit of cereal if you want it, give you the rest of the blanket if you’re still cold, spend her last coin on you if you need it. Hazel is willing to give you anything even if you don’t ask for it, and in return she hopes you share the same thought.

- - -

taglist ; @smileitsisa , @beneaththeiceandsnow​

[extraordinarilyextreme]

Crown Prince Li Kaiqing, Chen Ji, and Fushui

MAJOR spoilers for 《骊歌行》 Court Lady (2021)!!! This is just me blabbing about my feelings.

so we all knew that Crown Prince (CP) and Chen Ji (CJ) were gonna be BE cuz they have historical prototypes. after Chengxin was executed, Li Chengqian grieved for a long time, refusing to attend court and also building a shrine for him in the palaces.

well, even with that knowledge, i still cried like a little baby at the end of the drama. there’s not a single un-sad 感情线 in this entire show, but i really do think that the mess of these three is tragic.

before we dive into the mess that i’ve become, a huge round of applause to Li Zefeng for his amazing portrayal of the Crown Prince—the good-intentioned, sort of foolish boy that we first meet and then later the wide-eyed, paranoid, remorseless man. and of course similar props to Wang Yizhe’s two roles of sweet Chen Ji and scheming Fushui (and Sun Langlang for voicing them! Wang Zhi’s VA!).

so as i’ve already said, CP is really a whole different person after CJ dies. and the contrast between CJ and Fushui (FS) is very plainly evident: CJ dressed in pale white-blue, FS mostly in grey-black; CJ kept his hair loose, FS wears a bun (or hat, when he rises thru the ranks); CJ is a lowly palace entertainer, FS is well-trained in combat and medicine (and ends up as Senior Imperial Physician, somehow); CJ was terrible at weiqi, FS is good at weiqi but pretends to be bad at it. CJ was targeted and subjected to rumors, but no one dared question CP’s relationship with FS—because CP was in so much grief after CJ died, how could anyone bear to do that to CP again? even though FS was absolutely the one that everyone should have removed from CP’s side immediately…

when CP and CJ first meet in episode 7, CP is kind of a typical princely character: he’s kinda entitled, the world is his, his future is bright… and i firmly believe he 一见钟情 because while CJ still treated him with courtesy and respect, it’s obvious that CJ didn’t expect or want anything from him. and this continues in episode 9, when CP is trying to clear his thoughts by the riverside and runs into CJ who is fishing: CP brattishly orders CJ to stay and keep him company, and CJ is honestly more confused than anything as to why the freaking Crown Prince of the country wants to spend the whole goddamn day here. of course, it’s because CJ represents a freedom for CP: here, the Emperor won’t compare him to Prince Zhou or Prince Han; here, the Empress won’t admonish him over and over again; here, there’s no scheming advisors who try to curry favor with him. here, as CP tells CJ to use, it’s just “you and I” without care for rank or formalities.

(but also the death flag in episode 9 was atrociously obvious LOL with CP promising “I will make you a grave” to CJ’s absolute terror. on-the-nose. still made me sad later on, so that’s that i guess. in any case, the episode ends with a 定情信物 whereupon CP gives a jade from his belt to CJ.)

CP watches CJ perform (as he is an entertainer from Prince Han’s mansion) for the first time in episode 10, and we see it again in episode 12, episode 16, and episode 17. based off 《三国演义》Romance of the Three Kingdoms, the lyrics are as follows:

大丈夫只患功名不立 A great man should only worry about not gaining fame and honor/

何患无妻 Why worry over not having a wife/

舍生忘死报恩住 Leaving behind life and death to repay my Lord/

忠肝义胆待友朋 Treat my friends with righteous loyalty/

我要做有血性的英雄 I want to be a hot-blooded hero/

为义而生 To live for righteousness (loyalty)/

为义而死 To die for righteousness (loyalty)

CJ plays the main role of Zhao Zilong (Zhao Yun), and he helpfully compares the story to a game of weiqi in episode 16.

���A gambit [sacrificing insignificant pieces to protect the significant ones] is what Zhao Zilong did in the Battle of Changban. In order for Zhao Zilong to save A Dou, he couldn’t save Madam Gan. So, Madam Gan committed suicide. Isn’t Madam Gan a gambit?”

to which CP responds: “Thank goodness you are Zhao Zilong, and not Madam Gan.”

CJ: “The Crown Prince regards me as his soulmate [知己]. Even if in the future, the Crown Prince were to sacrifice me as a gambit, I would be willing.”

CP: “What are you saying? You and I are friends. No matter what happens in the future, I will never treat you as a sacrificial gambit.”

(so, like, death flags everywhere! 知己-mention! and, c’mon, i think for CP’s consort to be jealous/insecure is a little bit justified considering the amount of times CP has CJ perform this piece with a line like “Why worry over not having a wife”.)

backing up for just a moment before everything goes to shit, other notable events are CP finding out his wife is pregnant in episode 13 (but he spends the day fishing and then cooking the fish with CJ at the riverside, and they walk off with arms draped around each other’s shoulders), CJ hurting his leg after climbing a cliffside to pick red flowers after CP mentioned his wife loves the color red most in episode 14, and finally CP leading a blindfolded CJ to a new house just for him to tick off another romance-y trope in episode 15.

CP: “Didn’t you say you didn’t have a home? So I bought you this little estate. When you fall in love someday, have children, and have a great career, this will be your home.”

(the point is they’re both still kind of in a honeymoon phase right now, tho it ends quickly in episode 16 when our FL Fu Rou warns CJ against being so close to CP—but CP is a little bit too idealistic right now, a little bit too stuck in his blissful fantasy, a little bit foolish. foolish, and incompetent, and unable to protect the people he loves bc he unwittingly endangered them to begin with.)

of course, things come to a head in episode 17 when CP’s wife tells her sister about CJ, leading to the Emperor eventually finding out. but while that’s happening, CP goes to see CJ at the estate he bought for him.

CP: In the future, I won’t come here anymore. Therefore, let’s put aside differences for today and be friends like we used to. We will never have those kinds of days again.

CJ confesses he’s going to leave Chang’an: I want to learn swordsmanship well, and become a wandering hero, feeling at home wherever I am. When the Crown Prince becomes Emperor in the future, I can help you take care of bad guys along my journey out there. This will be my way of helping the Crown Prince to keep the empire stable.

CP gives his dagger to CJ: This is not a reward, but a gift for my friend who is about to leave. In the future, whenever you look at it, it will be like looking at me.

CJ: A gift from my soulmate. Chen Ji will definitely take good care of it.

(for ppl who’ve watched Qing Ya Ji, the parallel to Zhongxing and Fangyue here killed me. but there’s also a parallel within the show itself near the end when Fu Rou gives the Emperor a collection of scrolls and explains that the late Empress hoped that he would treat her writings like he were seeing her—one of Court Lady’s many confirmations that CP and CJ should be read as a romantically by paralleling it to visible, het relationships. ALSO, CP has CJ perform Zhao Zilong again right after this conversation, like a last nail in the coffin.)

so the Emperor finds out in episode 18 and angrily orders CP to kill CJ himself, lest he be stripped of rank. Fu Rou warns CJ, but he refuses to escape.

If I run away, the Crown Prince will not be able to fulfill the Emperor’s order—what would happen to the Crown Prince? […] Life and death are not the most important things; the most important thing is to stay true to yourself.

and so CJ unsheathes the dagger CP gave him.

The Crown Prince regards Chen Ji as his soulmate, Chen Ji also regards the Crown Prince as his soulmate. ‘A man of service dies for the one who knows him.’ (An upright man can die for his soulmate.)

CJ quotes “士为知己者死” from Sima Qian’s 《史記·刺客列傳》Records of the Grand Historian, tho if you’ve watched Winter Begonia, it should probably also look familiar.

CP pushes aside the soldiers who’ve accompanied him on the journey to CJ’s home, but it’s too late: CJ took his own life, using the weapon CP gave him, in order to protect CP.

the chorus of Lu Hu’s 《万里》 Ten Thousand Li plays as CP staggers toward CJ’s lifeless body.

呼吸，想着你, When I breathe, I think of you

在梦里，在心里, In my dreams, in my heart

怪完相遇，怪自己, After I’ve finished blaming that we encountered each other, I blame myself

别离，痛彻心扉！Farewell, my heart is broken

(this is a song from the OST we hear multiple times with the other couples in the drama—and we also see many couples by the same river that CP and CJ would fish together by. i think, like, all the couples associated with this song except our main one have a BE…)

in CP’s immense grief, he has the weiqi pieces from his last game with CJ glued to the board, never to be moved again, and he has the flowerbed outside flattened. we get our callback to episode 9: “Chen Ji has no family. I promised him that if he died, I would make him a grave.”

CP doesn’t meet FS until episode 37, but what the Emperor says in episode 19 about Chen Ji is what really makes the whole thing a tragedy.

You must be cautious when choosing friends. He would only have misguided you.

and that’s the thing, the Emperor isn’t wrong!!! it ultimately truly is the Crown Prince’s love for Chen Ji that destroys him. his love for Chen Ji ruins him, ruins the imperial family and threatens the dynasty as a whole. because when Fushui shows up, a man who shares Chen Ji’s face, the Crown Prince trusts him unconditionally—it’s the Crown Prince’s desperation to see any small part of Chen Ji again that leaves him vulnerable to FS’s manipulation: CP forgets who he truly is. because how could a man who looks like Chen Ji ever betray him?

CP is thrown from his horse in episode 37, striking his head upon a rock.

he wonders: Chen Ji, have I also died? Did you come here just to pick me up?

(but of course it’s FS, who was actually going to kill him but the soldiers arrived too quickly.) they meet officially in episode 38.

CP: I thought I was going to die. Dimly, I felt someone approach me—he wanted to save me. I originally thought it was Chen Ji who couldn’t bear for me to die, so his spirit appeared. I didn’t expect that it was you.

FS remarks that CP has brought up “Chen Ji” several times already; immediately, he understands that this is a weakness to exploit.

CP basically throws a temper tantrum in episode 39 when he discovers he will have a permanent limp from now on. (idk if it was an intentional parallel, but CJ also had a limp after falling from the cliffside in episode 14.) FS is the only person that CP allows to approach him, and FS gets him to eat grilled fish (which is apparently CP’s favorite food—how much of the people we love do we carry with us?)

FS acts innocent: I really am bad at lying; as soon as I lie, you see right through me.

it’s everything CP wants to hear.

CP tells him: When I fell off my horse, and was on my last breath, you came to my side and encouraged me to continue living. I’m now crippled and in despair, but you talked sense into me to eat grilled fish. Everything that has happened—if it were Chen Ji, he would also have talked sense into me, encouraged me. Sometimes, I feel that you are Chen Ji, just with a different face.

(obviously it’s the same face for us tho cuz he’s played by the same guy. but anyway, when FS comes clean about everything in episode 51, he mimics the words CP says here.

I am not Chen Ji. I, Yang Fushui, came to your side to find an opportunity to take revenge.)

back to episode 39, FS says he doesn’t want to be “another Chen Ji” because he doesn’t want to die so young—he’s afraid of death.

CP: I guarantee you that I won’t let anyone harm you. What happened to Chen Ji will never happen to you.

(and it’s true! FS gets away with so much goddamn shit because CP’s wife doesn’t dare criticize FS, and even the Emperor doesn’t after knowing what it’s like to see his son in such heavy grief. CP’s wife thinks this is her chance at making amends; she felt real remorse after CJ died, and honestly that line from It’s Quiet Uptown sums it up best: “If I could trade his life for mine/He'd be standing here right now/And you would smile and that would be enough.” a shame, of course, that CP was FS’s freaking main target. nobody wants to repeat the tragedy of Chen Ji, so no one questions Fushui.)

but, like, FS isn’t truly even that subtle—it’s just that CP is so blinded by his love for CJ. from episode 46:

CP: I have taught you for so long, but you’re still terrible at playing.

FS: I am doing it on purpose. Only if I play poorly, will the Crown Prince be willing to continue teaching me.”

CP: Even you put on an act before me? […] You are the person I trust the most. Don’t lie to me.

(太子，你醒醒吧!)

so FS successfully sows discord between CP and his brother Prince Han; the Empress passes away (always sickly, but her illness was very much exacerbated upon seeing her beloved sons turn on each other); CP’s wife kills her own sister in what she believes is a beneficial political move for CP; Prince Han’s wife is wrongfully executed; Sheng Chujun is killed and silenced too after he discovers FS’s plans. CP stages a coup against Prince Han. (the man who looks like Chen Ji must only want the best for him, right?) FS gets away with everything and goes to visit CP in prison in episode 51.

AND HERE! HERE! FS is supposed to kill CP; that’s been his goal from the very beginning. CP hasn’t eaten for days in the prison, but FS shows up with a grilled fish and CP eats without a second thought that it could be poisoned.

but. FS has been at CP’s side for so long now. he’s orchestrated CP to lose everything. there is nothing left that CP could give to him but the mere fact that he’s still breathing.

in episode 49, FS poisons Lian Yan’er and Yan Zifang is obviously upset on behalf of blissfully ignorant, head-over-heels Ma Haihu.

FS: I will kill whoever gets in my way.

YZF: What about someone you love? If it was someone you loved, you would be just as ruthless, right?

FS: It is human nature to be greedy and selfish. Where does love come into play? This question—you’ve asked the wrong person.

(but FS’s expression changes. someone he loves? he’s startled, he looks afraid.)

FS ruined CP’s life; and at the same time, gave CP reason to live again. CP started playing weiqi again, his relationship with his wife improved; he started smiling again. there was a passionate fire to him that he never had before (this was his second chance to do everything right, to protect the people he loves!)... the kindling, unfortunately, was his trust in Prince Han and his parents. from episode 39, FS comes in and sits down next to CP after CP trashes his room during his tantrum.

CP: Do you know why I treat you differently from other people?

FS: Because I remind Your Highness of your friend who already passed away—Chen Ji?

CP never stopped loving CJ; he loved Fushui, because he never stopped treating him as Chen Ji. after the failed coup against Prince Han, CP smiles in prison in episode 51 when FS visits him.

CP: It was fate who made us each other's soulmate [知己]. [...] If you can continue living well, I wish that you live your life to the fullest, with both smiles and tears.

how can Fushui bear to take the Crown Prince’s life when he’s received nothing but unwavering trust from him? when he explains who he truly is, when he calls CP foolish for trusting the wrong person, FS is on the brink of tears. his mouth trembles, his breaths shake. when the poison begins to take effect, and CP agonizingly reaches for him, FS takes his hand—just as CP gripped CJ’s lifeless hand so long ago, just as CP reached out to the person he thought was CJ when he fell from his horse. FS takes his hand, sobs, and gives him the antidote.

(Consort Yan’s eunuch is, of course, outraged.

Yu He: If you can’t bear to kill him, then I will!

Fushui: I forbid you. [...] He has nothing left to lose. I forbid you from killing him.)

so, we have the Crown Prince, ruined by his love for Chen Ji—and Fushui, who both took and freely gave the Crown Prince’s life back to him. it’s a love story; it has always been a love story.

and finally, FS gets Ma Haihu killed in episode 53. he picks up the comb MHH carved for Lian Yan’er (a 定情信物!), and when he speaks, ends up telling the story of CP and CJ as well.

There was a woman who sacrificed her life for your bright future. You only needed to enjoy it, yet you took the road of self-destruction.

and then he remembers what CP said to him in the prison in episode 51.

CP: If, in this world, fate truly exists, then so do the hearts of men.

FS remarks now: If you have a heart, you will be easily hurt, or even lose your life.

heartless Fushui, who kills without batting an eye, who nearly upturned the entire Tang dynasty, who doesn’t know of love. in the end, he couldn’t bear to end the Crown Prince’s life.

so, yeah. these three broke my heart. i really wonder what Chen Ji would say to the Crown Prince when they see each other again at last in the afterlife. what the Crown Prince would say to Chen Ji. how violent love can be. what it means to live in someone’s memory. or maybe they would return to the river and spend a long day fishing together again.

[piratejct]

* 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐭, 𝐜𝐢𝐬 - 𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 + 𝐡𝐞 / 𝐡𝐢𝐦 | you know 𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐬𝐤𝐞𝐰, right? they’re 𝐭𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐲-𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, 𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐞 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧�� 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐞𝐫 by 𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬 like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole 𝐫𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐦𝐞, 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫, 𝐜𝐫𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐦 thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is 𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝟐𝟖𝐭𝐡, so they’re a 𝐯𝐢𝐫𝐠𝐨, which is unsurprising, all things considered.

NAME: elias eskew  NICKNAME(S): el, ellie D.O.B: august 28th, 1997 AGE: 23 BIRTH PLACE: york, england CURRENTLY RESIDING: irving, north carolina  SEXUALITY: homosexual OCCUPATION: drag queen & employee at rockin’ and rollin’ 

tw: homophobia, bullying, anxiety, depression. 

BACKSTORY: 

born in york but grew up nyc. has an older brother, a twin sister and pretentious, rich parents who believe that their way is the only way. sadly, their way is all about being homophobic and unnecessarily demanding, so.. that’s why elias was pretty much kicked out of the household when he was fourteen. 

well, okay, not kicked out, because legally you can’t kick out a teenager and still have an ace reputation among your peers, so they did the next best thing and sent him away to irving, to live with his aunt. then, of course, they proceeded to tell whoever asked that boy was very unstable and needed special attention that they couldn’t provide at home because they’re always #working&flexing. it was a big bunch of “oh my god, we love him so much but there’s nothing we could do for him here and of course we want all the best for our sweet, totally not homosexual son, so he’ll have to be there until he’s less homosexual troubled.” 

went great. amazing. no, seriously, it couldn’t have been better for elias because while he missed his sister a whole fucking lot, his aunt actually turned out to be a super cool lady? she didn’t push him to play sports or not fuck around with make up. she even supported his theatre dreams and came to see all the school plays he was in, so, uhhh.. jokes on you, mom and dad.

irving is pretty much where elias blossomed. unlocked at least 52 achievements. went to high school, got badly bullied for being feminine and incapable of catching the ball in dodgeball ( “when it clearly fucking says you should dodge!” ) but it wasn’t all bad! he was very appreciated in the musical theatre department and got to play the lead role, like, twice. ‘twas kick-ass and he felt like a hollywood star. <3 

started dabbling in drag sometime during senior year. his sister came over one easter break and taught him a whole lotta shit about make-up so that was neato but aside from that he learned from watching youtube videos and experimenting. 

went to the local university where he studied performing arts. his parents actually paid for his studies but it was more of a “wow, really, betty? you don’t pay for your child’s education? tragic” stunt on their part. faux-supporting your kids gives you bragging rights! but he totally didn’t mind! could actually spend whatever money he’d make at his then bartending job and invest it into drag. he did it part-time while completing the degree. 

after graduating, however, it became a full time thing. or, you know, as full time as it can be. on the side, he also picked up a job at rockin’ and rollin’, because gosh, was he tired of constantly hanging out at bars. 

the dream, currently, is to hang out in irving, where he’s comfortable, a bit longer before heading out into the world to live the big city dreams. has been considering new york, since he always loved it there, but we’ll see. he’s got time. 

lives now with a couple of friends but hangs out with his auntie every once in a while. she sometimes shows up to his shows and brings roses. it’s honestly beautiful and makes him cry.

PERSONALITY: 

+ expressive, alluring, animated - melodramatic, self-critical, obnoxious 

x on the subject of crying? he cries a lot. sometimes as a joke, but sometimes.. very much not. an emotional boy, quite sensitive. expresses his emotions in a way that, for the most part, you kinda know what’s on his mind. 

x exaggerated as fuck, in everything he does. always been a huge dreamer and just loves living his fantasy, really. moves in a way that’s very, like, gentle and graceful. is a huge actor and pretty much always on his toes. sometimes switches between characters mid-conversation and gives you three different improv sequences, but he’s not like “ooh, look at me, i’m sooo skilled, i have a degree!” about it, y’know? it’s more of something he does without necessarily realizing? because he just loves pretending he’s someone else. his go-to persona is this ditzy, little bitchy shtick, which sometimes makes people think he’s dumber than he actually is. 

x but don’t get me wrong. he definitely is a dumb bitch. 

x so fashionable, though. loves to look good. wears a lot of women’s clothing because it fits him and helps him feel this paris fashion week illusion. but also catch him rocking high-heeled boots, crop tops, scrunchies. and silk. satin. he’s a hoe and a half for that stuff. 

x smells of roses and vague desperation. wants to always be the prettiest person in the room. likes to flirt with people and sleep around bc it makes him feel attractive. <3

x actually super insecure at heart and lowkey wants validation. anxious as fuck and used to be pretty depressed, but that’s gotten bit better now. 

x lightweight baby lesbian who can’t drive and gets drunk off of two mimosas and some rose wine. 

x his drag persona is g.litter ( gee, miss litter if you’re nasty. ) she’s sparkly, glittery, elegant and has probably killed all four of her husbands and taken their money. wears the highest heels and would look gorgeous covered in blood. he lives for her. 

x idk, sometimes he can be a handful but if you’re willing to deal with that? he’s a very nice boy. genuinely means well and just wants to have a laugh, i guess. also, big wine mom energy. 

x can’t actually rollerskate. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS: 

um, everything?? throw it at me <3 

[ayy-spec]

Anything to Add?

The final question in this survey was a write-in section for people to leave any additional comments. 113 people responded.

Important/Particularly Interesting Comments

• I hope this goes well for you because you seem nice and if you have any advice for new to the community 15 year olds like me, don't be afraid to share because I'm trying to embrace my sexuality as much as possible but it can be hard when I don't know where to go or turn to to find what I'm supposed to do and where to ask questions and just fully embrass this part of me and it can be hard when I don't even know many if any aspecs so representation is great and it is helpful to hear your experiences and how you handle certain parts, so just keep doing what your doing because it is making a difference [note: 🥺🥺😭]

• i often consider myself more as just aroace rather than aro and ace seperately so i prefer seeing the blue and orange aroace flag over the individual aro and ace flags

• I don't really shorten my identity often with aroace, only when im feeling very romance repulsed and its been a while since I felt romantic attraction. I am a pan-demiromantic asexual. My pan label makes me feel more connected to the lgbt+ community bc it feels like my nonbinary and intersex status doesn't count either. I know I belong in the queer community, but the lgbt+ community is so sexual orientation focused.

• Thank you for having a wide variety of labels to choose from in the options!! I don't see the term aegoromantic very often on things, it feels nice to be known I guess haha

• Thank you for this, i recently started thinking about being in arospec and it was so relieving, all this time i thought something was wrong or maybe i was broken. I'm still trying to learn more about it, and I'm grateful for people willing to teach and help

• didn't realize I hadn't experienced sexual attraction until I finally did and was like "OH, no wonder all my other relationships felt like I was playing pretend"

• I dont often tell people I'm gray aroace. Not because of shame or it not being "as important" (I'm a gay trans dude) but I think because I just feel its a very intimate part of myself, as well as my romanticism and sexuality (in terms of like asexuality) feeling as though it doesn't always need a label. I'm fine just being myself most of the time, a lot of labels can be tricky for myself I think. I'm happy the label exists nonetheless though because Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

• I'm queer! But if I'm getting down to the bones of it, I'm pan/ace. Still relearning how to be proud of that, after The Grand Clusterfuck years back.

• even though I would be considered to have an alloromantic orientation, alloace isn't really a term I feel any strong connection or attachment to

• i'd like to add that i do consider myself alloaro and use that label openly but i'd also not consider myself 100% allosexual. i'm questioning my sexuality but even if i do end up feeling more solidly ace-spec i'd still use the alloaro label

• Idk who else does this or if this is interesting enough to write down, but I thought I would! I use Aroace as a label. Other, smaller labels inside that would probably fit me better! Aroace feels too big, like it doesn't *really* define exactly who I am. But at the same time, I prefer using it because more people know what Aroace means (at least compared to myrromantic and myrsexual). I use Aroace so the public can define me. I don't typically use it around my close friends 'cause they already know my idiosyncrasies and where I really am. They already made their own definitions for me, so I don't have to make one for them!

• I'm still figuring myself out, so I leave myself at the blanket terms and hopefully everything'll work out in the end

The rest of the responses are below:

Comments Alerting Me About Typos (that I was then able to resolve)

• There's a typo in your "sexual orientation labels" question, because you have Aroflux listed and not Aceflux, but I didn't want to confuse things so I put Aceflux (which I do use) under Other. I also am polysexual (I flux between polysexual and asexual but I am always aegosexual) but didn't know if I should but it under Other anywhere since it's not an acespec label. I consider my polysexuality tied to me being aego/aceflux though, which is why I mention it here.

• the sexual orientations options are the same of the romantic ones ( for example, there's arovague and arospike in the sexual cathegory)

People Clarifying/Expounding Upon Their Own Identity/Experiences

·  to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

• I’m still a confused gorl and I really only know that I don’t like sex it sexual acts but I do like romantic and sensual acts

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• I'm also animesexual and fictosexual (and romantic I guess but I don't like using the SAM for myself).

• I have never seen most of these labels, haha, I expect one of them is the one I always forget that's for being aro due to past trauma but people always assume it's romantic/sexual trauma so I don't use it and thus have forgotten it...but that's the essay I'm not usually up for writing: was biromantic but then had several awful life events on top of each other and had a complete breakdown and have been aro since. Unclear if it's permanent but it's been 14 years now. [note: I believe this person is thinking of caedromantic]

• I tend to use the word ace more than asexual because it's shorter, but I don't feel more favorably about one than the other.

• i can't tell the difference between platonic vs romantic attraction, and am unsure if people i have "liked" in the past was romantic, platonic, or a fake stemming from peer pressure.

• Also Gender-Neutral/Agender

• I’m gray-aro but identify more with being biromantic even though I know I’m aro-spec. As for sexual orientation, I’m just completely ace xD

• The fact I'm still trying to figure out my gender makes it harder to pinpoint exactly what my orientations are :( but I usually say I'm queer, and if it's safe: Bi Ace, and if I can get more specific: biromantic grey-asexual

• I also use a platonic label (biplatonic). I use it not in a friendship way, but more like in a QPR way.

• Thank you for doing this! My identity on the aro/ace spectrums has shifted a lot over the years and while I’ve just settled on aroace and queer for the most part, this community is so diverse and under appreciated. People who find joy in/identify with micro-identities are valid and deserve representation!

• I'm still figuring out my romantic orientation but it's looking less allo by the day lmao

• My romantic label is very fluid, but in terms of sexual labels, very sex repulsed Asexual

• Content with just Aspec cause it's difficult to pinpoint anything but cool with both asexual/ace and aromantic/aro

• I think of my romantic orientation as halfway between aromantic and homoromantic

• I'm a polyamorous ace, if there'd be a way to include that sometimes that'd be neat :)

• I am still questioning my identity

• I used to identify as 100% ace but now I have no idea other than that I seem to be pan-ace in some way shape or form so my identity is ???people???

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

Queer Rights

• Trans rights, baybee 🤠🦂

• I just hope a-spec and aro-spec people will experience less negativity and hate this year <3

• Aspec rights!!

• aspec rights, baby

People Being Nice to Me  (I appreciated this thank you everyone!!)

·  :)

• Have a good day

• Uhhh, cool survey, nice to see a lot of labels.... good job! Nothing I have to add, it was great

• Have fun chief, thank you for your work

• Thank you for creating!

• thanks for the survey! I don't know too many aspec in person so I love participating in things like this about the ace/aro community!

• Thank you for what you’re doing

• just hi :)

• thanks!!

• I really love your blog! Reading your posts always makes me happy :) [note: thank you!]

• Good luck, have a nice day !

• I hope you're having a good day :)

• you're lived and valid af!! have a great day!!!

• Thank you for all your hard work i really appreciate it ☺️

• Drink some water Right Now OP

• Nope, :> hope the best for you.

• Cool survey, 10/10 would survey again.

• 💛

• Have a nice day uwu

• Nope! Have a nice day!

• Thank you for making pride flag edits! They're really nice! [note: thank you!!]

• nope, but this is really cool!!

• ❤️

• Have a good day.

• I think this survey idea is super cool! Definitely a great way to see what sort of aspec people are on tumblr :)

• You are doing the lords work

• Thank you for asking us.

• good luck!

• This is really cute idea :)

• I hope you're having a nice day!

• Good luck in your endevours!

• Thank you for making our community visible!

• Have a good day :3

• Have a good day!!

• Keep doing great stuff!

• Thank you for all the positivity I get from your blog! It's super helpful, keep it up :) [note: thank you!!]

• thanks for doing this. recognition is always nice

• Have fun <3

• Lots of love 💛

• This is a cool project, thanks for doing it and good luck! :)

People Saying They Love Me (and I love you, random a-specs)

·  i love you OP!!!!!

• love you, hope you have a great day

An A-Spec Person Being Rude to Other A-Specs

• If you enjoy sex with your romantic partner then you are not asexual

A Person Who Is Not A-Spec Being Rude To A-Specs

• sweetie im sorry that you're so insecure that you feel like you have to make up new identities to feel better about yourself. if you are a lesbian or bisexual please know that you are welcome in the community, but other than that making thousands of microlabels like this makes a huge joke out of what was once an important and respected group. nobody takes us seriously anymore because of this shit. does labelling your identity like this really help you with anything? demisexual and fraysexual and all this are just fancy words for normal human feelings that everyone has. there is no need to microlabel it.

Other

· [variations of “no” (12)]

• not sure that helps lmao but still hope it does. all the best

• Axolotls (or as I like to call them, asexulotls) are amazing and I love them [Note: the man in question]

• Sorry, I can't remember the names of any blogs that do edits

• Ok random but the colors of the aro/ace flag? The blue and orange one? They’re gorgeous.

• I'm not so sure if I should use the aroace flag, I feel comfortable using both aro and ace flags, but I don't like the colors for the aroace flag :c [note: these are in chronological order, it’s a total coincidence that these comments are together]

• Curious to see where the survey goes

• It would be cool if you could also do some aplatonic-spectrum edits!

• there were fully half of the terms on that list that i had never even seen before. like, everything below litho down to no label was entirely new to me. at some point i will look into those! (but not right now, my brain is full enough at the moment)

• actually had to look up the majority of these orientations. Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

• Gonna reblog and follow and hopefully learn a bit more, about others and myself

Note: The only comment that is not listed in order is the first comment, which I put at the top because I found it the most important. It’s so important that kids and teens have space to explore their identity and learn about themselves. The reason I made this blog in the first place was because I was 19 and working on figuring out my gender and sexuality. Now that I’m a bit older and understand things better, I’m so glad that I’m able to help people in this way. 

I make it a point to be very openly queer in my life and at work because I need LGBTQ+ people, especially youths, to know that we’re here. I’m lucky that I live somewhere that I can be visibly queer and speak about it openly. We are everywhere, and there’s more of us than you think!

Something that I really like about the comments at the top is that they show how diverse we are, and how people use words differently. Some people feel like they’re more aroace than aromantic and asexual separately, and others consider their romantic and sexual orientations to be completely different things.

I definitely relate to the person who identifies are myrromantic and myrsexual with their friends but just says aroace when speaking with people they don’t know as well. I believe a lot of people use different words depending on who they’re speaking with.