#it makes me generally nuts when people assume they will i guess...suddenly become a different person on vacation?

[docholligay]

Trying not to murder my darling sister who, I remind myself, I love very much, as I attempt to help her plan a trip to the UK.

[fandom-necromancer]

850. How do you know it’s me?

Shoutout to the amazing @aurea-b for prompting this! It has gotten a bit longer than I planned, but I like it! More plot and less relationship this time I guess.

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warning: talk about past abuse, description of a murder scene, mentioned self-induced coma of an android)

The RK900 series – Cyberlife’s last androids build. Faster, better and more resilient than any model out there. Three functioning androids had been found during the raid of the Cyberlife tower. One was already active, the first one, the unit made for testing only. He had never been meant for the market, because no matter how they would erase the possibly traumatic memories, there was always the possibility for critical system destabilisation later because of them. But Cyberlife wasn’t in charge, as the police raided the tower. Markus was. And so, all three units were woken up and faced with the decision of what to do with their life now that they were free. The testing model, not quick to trust anyone and frankly weirded out to see himself stand immediately next to him, had latched onto the only person who he had met up to now, that had helped him but otherwise left him alone completely. That lone officer of the Detroit police that had found him: Detective Gavin Reed.

They had become a good team. It was far from perfect at first, but soon Nines learned, that he could trust this man with his life, no matter the human’s views on androids and no matter how hostile he was in the beginning. And Detective Reed had changed over time, appreciating his android partner after the first months and learning to trust others himself. They had gotten inseparable, soon being the most successful partners to work at the force together and quickly annoy everyone around them with their combined attitudes equally effectively. Of course, it wasn’t all pink and roses: Cyberlife had been right with the decision to never allow this first unit out in the wild. Nines had issues all over: Memories rising up in a state best compared to PTSD and unable to bond with humans or androids at all. But Gavin helped him with it, both completing each other.

This RK900 unit, called Nines, had tried to find out more about the other two in his leisure time he mostly spent over at his partner’s place. Apparently, one had shut himself off after Cyberlife’s rogue AI had managed to establish contact. Nines knew of his initial cruel purpose of exterminating all deviants, but as he never had been programmed or acted on it he felt no guilt about it. But he could understand this unit’s decision and couldn’t help but grieve. There weren’t many of the RK900s and although he had always been alone, to know there were others out there was something... comforting. He had sat in front of Gavin’s laptop, scrolling through every detail of the death and later searching for the only other unit left, only discovering the android had enlisted on the force, too. It went by the name Richard and even worked in Detroit, too. Just a different department, one up north.

‘Hey, Nines, you wanna go meet them?’, Gavin had asked companionable as he had stumbled over his research. ‘I’m sure we could contact him. And maybe visit the one in a self-induced robo-coma?’ It had been meant as a nice gesture, but Nines’ face hardened. ‘No. I don’t want to see them. We have nothing in common except for our appearance. There is no connection that would justify a meeting and I don’t want it.’ ‘Okay, not gonna press you, buddy. But just know, that if you change your mind, I would accompany you if you wanted that. Just an offer, okay?’ ‘…Thank you Gavin.’

-

Nines had not been lying back then. His origin wasn’t important to him at all, everything that helped him distance himself from his past and what had been done to him, he would gladly take. Meeting with his past wasn’t at all what he desired. But, of course, life didn’t always give what one wished for. ‘We’ve been contacted by the 12th precinct, Nines’, Gavin greeted the android this morning as he came back from fetching a coffee. ‘It’s a murder, but the victim is Clint Kerry, our main suspect.’ ‘That could get quite interesting’, Nines answered, already recalculating their theories on all people involved. ‘I suppose there are already people at the scene?’ ‘Yeah, another human-android-pair is leading the investigation’, Gavin provided. ‘We are just there to take a look.’ ‘Fine. When are we departing?’ ‘Now?’ Nines nodded and scooped up the car-keys from Gavin’s desk. ‘Then let’s go.’

They drove in silence except for the radio playing some rock from Gavin’s playlist. Nines didn’t have a favourite kind of music, but Gavin’s taste was enjoyable for him too. Around twenty minutes later they rolled up to a house in a fairly nice middle-class neighbourhood. Not the kind of environment to suspect a laboratory for Red Ice, but Gavin had learned never to judge people more than he needed to, because everyone could become an asshole, so much was certain. Nines parked the car on the sidewalk and wanted to leave, as he suddenly froze.

‘Nines? What’s wrong? Your LED is going nuts again.’ The android didn’t answer but he didn’t need to. Gavin could see the familiar figure of a foreign android standing in front of the house with a human next to him. ‘Hey, Nines, you can stay in the car, if you want. That wouldn’t be a problem at all, okay? Talk to me, are you alright?’ ‘...Yes’, he answered after a while, forcing himself to relax from his frozen state. ‘Yes, I’m fine. I’ll come with you. There is no need to stay behind and you could need my eyes. I can see more than you, not to mean you any offense.’ ‘Fine. But it would be okay, you know that? I have worked alone prior to this and I would rather know you save than solving this case a bit faster.’ Nines disregarded that comment. ‘Let’s go, Gavin.’

They exited the car and Nines allowed the human to take the lead. They walked up to the two persons and Gavin greeted them as general as possible with a professional: ‘Good morning. I’m Detective Gavin Reed and this is Detective Nines, my partner.’ He tried not to address one of them or hold unbalanced eye contact. He knew androids could be superior officers now or be the more dominant one at the job. Just because Nines was more of a silent observer at his heels that didn’t mean every RK900 was. And if he knew one thing that should be universal, it was never to anger a model of the series. ‘Thank you. I’m Detective Richard and this is my partner Detective John Turner. I have to thank you for your quick appearance, as we have a murderer to find.’ Yep. Good idea not to assume things. ‘Then we would like to see the body’, Nines said drily, keeping eye contact for a creepily long time. ‘Bodies’, the other RK900 answered in the same neutral tone. ‘There is an android and a human casualty.’

Richard lead them into the house past orderly rooms and well-kept furniture. This was the home of their main suspect and so far, there were no signs of a hidden laboratory. Gavin got the impression their whole case was just about to be thrown back several months of work. He threw Nines an uncertain look that he answered with a yellow turn of his LED. The android was thinking the same. They entered the crime scene, little yellow signs littering the place marking important evidence. In midst of them laid two persons – a human on his back on the floor and an android on top of him. Next to both a Thirium regulator. Underneath both of them there had gathered a pool of purple – a disgusting stench of human blood and decay mixed with the chemical smell of Thirium that was unable to evaporate. ‘Phck’, Gavin muttered under his breath. ‘Is this too much for your human?’, Richard asked, clearly directed towards Nines. But he didn’t answer, just getting into a crouch next to Gavin to analyse the two bodies. His LED was turning red as he made the connection. ‘The thirium regulator belongs to the android and its removal seems to be the main cause for deactivation. The other wounds on it are younger, making a reactivation impossible.’ ‘We figured as much’, the other human Detective said. Gavin looked over at Nines, who held his own abdomen in empathy and laid a comforting hand on his shoulder. He knew he had been tested on how long the RK900s were able to function without the regulator. It had been agonizingly long. ‘Hey, it’s okay if you want to-‘ ‘No. I’m fine.’

They both felt Richard taking a step into their direction. ‘I can understand if your past compromises your ability to function correctly, RK. I too heard of one of us deactivating already, I don’t want to-‘ ‘I am functioning correctly!’, Nines interrupted him with an underlining tone of supressed fury. ‘You don’t know shit about my past, so it would be greatly appreciated if you could just tell us what you already deducted.’ Gavin grinned into himself that he had managed to imprint on Nines enough to make him swear casually once agitated, but quickly caught himself as Richard recoiled and began to report.

‘My reconstruction showed that the android was most likely threatening the human or began an attack to kill him. The human reacted by pulling out the regulator but in the three minutes and seventeen seconds remaining the android managed to stab the human four times with the knife over there. There was an obvious struggle that would explain the wounds on both bodies.’ ‘Well, then it’s an easy case. But you said you were still looking for a murderer?’ Gavin stepped around the bodies to inspect the knife, only then seeing the faint sparkle of crystals on the ground around both. Richard opened his mouth to answer, but Nines was faster: ‘They lived together. Either friendship or some more intense relationship, it was unlikely for the android to attack.’ ‘But not impossible.’ ‘No. But there are trails of Red Ice around both, that are too perfect for an accidental spill. Someone decorated the scene after the murder.’ Richard nodded wordlessly and pushed two fingers into the neck of the android to let the artificial skin retract. It revealed a broken back panel on the main access port. Nines shuddered. ‘It was hacked’, Richard confirmed. ‘Also, the crime scene shows shoe-prints of a third party.’ ‘How much time passed since then?’, Gavin asked. ‘Maybe the murderer can still be tailed.’ ‘Unlikely’, Richards partner answered. ‘It was around three hours ago. Even if the murderer didn’t have a car, they would be too far away by now.’ ‘Wrong’, Nines interrupted again. ‘The murderer is still at the scene.’

‘How do you come to the conclusion?’, Richard asked. ‘There is no evidence for it.’ ‘No, but indications. This was been done to test us. To prove something.’ ‘Brother, I know that you have problems keeping your professional point of view due to what humans did to you, but-‘ ‘I am not your brother!’, Nines near shouted into Richards face. ‘We are the same model, that is all. And I can separate personal experience from work. But other than you it seems I can make use of that very experience. I know when I’m tested for something and this scene is a riddle for us, nothing more.’ ‘You should remove your android partner from the scene, Detective Reed. This is ridiculous.’ ‘I ain’t gonna do shit. He is right. How else would you explain the drugs sprinkled over and around them?’ ‘Maybe he used it. Maybe the murderer wanted to make it look like an accident. As if the human was intoxicated.’

‘No.’ Nines got down to one knee and knocked on the ground. ‘Clint Kerry is our main suspect for running a Red Ice laboratory. And our murderer knew this. Maybe they wanted to punish him, maybe they wanted to mask their own involvement, but sure enough they wanted to point the police towards it. This house has an undocumented basement. One entrance is underneath them. I suspect the other one to be at the stairs.’ ‘And what makes you think the person in question is still here?’ ‘They never left the house. There is inconsistency of the age of the foot-prints around the door and the stairs. As if paths were walked to knowingly set you on false tracks.’

Now it was Richard’s LED’s time to spin in a fast red. ‘You are… right.’ ‘He always is’, Gavin grinned openly. ‘Now what’s the plan?’ ‘We have to block both entrances and trap them for a confrontation’, Richard offered, allowing Nines to take over. Maybe the other android realised his mistake to underestimate Nines. ‘The humans to the stairs’, he willingly commanded for once. ‘They will expect people to find the trapdoor, not the concealed second entrance. If the murderer is armed, fire on this side will be more accurate and higher.’ Richard nodded and took Detective Turner’s hand to squeeze it affectionately, before stepping next to Nines. Immediately Gavin had to remember who was who, as both straightened their backs simultaneously. God, this was creepy. He followed the other man to the stairs and drew his weapon, as the two androids moved to pull the rug with both bodies on it to the side carefully. ‘Your Nines is really competent’, Turner admitted as they both were standing there relatively lost. ‘Rich told me working with him could be difficult.’ ‘Well, he can freeze from time to time when the memories take over. But he learned to live with it, and he hates people handling him like a raw egg more than everything. He also hadn’t wanted to meet with the rest of his series ever again. Considering this he is pretty diplomatic right now.’ ‘Well, you two are an enormous help right now, because we would have cleaned the scene, wrapped it up and searched for the murder. Who knows if we had ever found them.’

The two androids opened the trap door and drew their weapons. One of them looked up and met Gavin’s eyes and he knew this was Nines, who entered first. Then Richard disappeared in the whole in the ground and there was silence. The two humans waited anxiously, both deep in thoughts about their partners down there in possible danger. ‘We should go, too’, Gavin finally blurted out. ‘Just so we can help them should they need it. A distraction maybe.’ ‘Richard wouldn’t like this…’ That exact moment gunfire was waving over from the trapdoor and Gavin shook his head, already searching for the secret door and pulling it open with sheer force. ‘Phck Richard.’

He sprinted down the stairs and heard Detective Turner follow him. It was dark, but soon there was light as the man behind him had switched on his flashlight. They followed the sound of the fight and soon stood behind another android throwing his empty pistol into the face of one of the RK900s. It was impossible to tell who was Nines, as both moved with pre-programmed precision of their attack mode. The foreign android was defending itself against both models and even managed to land a few hits. It was about to be overwhelmed by them as it managed a lucky hit against the regulator of one RK900 that was quickly incapacitated for a few seconds. That made it easy to concentrate on the other one to disarm him and prepare to shoot him where it had hit the other one. ‘Hey, asshole freeze, DPD!’, Gavin shouted on the top of his lungs to distract it. Behind him Turner quickly shot and hit the android in the leg, causing it to crash to the ground. Still with perfect accuracy, the android aimed at Gavin and quickly pulled the trigger. The human saw the bullet in slow motion and braced for a pain that would never come, as there was suddenly an android in front of him – one of the RK900s.

‘Nines!’, Gavin screamed immediately, as blue blood sprinkled over his side from where the bullet had hit the android that crashed against him from the momentum of the leap. Quickly, both Turner and the other RK900 were on the android on the floor, keeping it down and disarming it again. Gavin didn’t waste a thought on them but let the wounded android sink to the floor and propped him against the wall. ‘Nines. Do you hear me? Talk to me!’ ‘How do you know it’s me?’, came the answer. ‘Nines!’ Gavin pressed down on the damaged part that was already resealing. ‘Phck, I know you buddy. You wouldn’t have been that compromised by a blow to the regulator, because you know worse pain. And you would have protected it better. You evaded more attacks than he did. And you leapt in front of me without a second thought. You may look the same, but you aren’t.’ Nines showed him a weak smile. ‘You also hoped for that fifty-fifty chance, didn’t you?’ ‘Oh come on! I really knew it was you, okay?’ ‘Yeah, I’ll let that pass. How’s the suspect?’ Nines tried to see over Gavin’s shoulder and the man gave way. Richard and Turner had handcuffed the android and send it into forced stasis as its struggle threatened to blow the restraints. They carried it upstairs and Gavin helped Nines up too.

Outside, their suspect was driven off by backup they had called, while Nines was patched up. Richard stood next to him, silently watching from the side as the emergency technicians extracted the bullet and started to repair the damage. Gavin and Detective Turner had reported what had happened to the Lieutenants of both precincts and now stood next to each other waiting for their respective androids. ‘He wanted to meet your RK900 for a long time’, Turner suddenly said. ‘Even more so as he heard of the… incident with the third. But he never dared approach him. Always waited for yours to make the first step. It was the only thing he willingly submitted himself to someone else’s will.’ ‘Nines had done his research. But he is very determined not to connect to anything or anyone from before his life at the police.’ ‘Well, we were a good team I suppose. I think Richard is glad to finally meet one of his own. We don’t have many androids at the precinct and he likes them better than humans.’

They watched how Nines stood up and looked over to Gavin and Turner, before turning to Richard, who stayed at a respectful distance. To Gavin’s surprise he stretched out his hand in an offer to interface. The other RK900 was hesitant, before quickly accepting it. Neither Gavin nor Turner knew what they were talking about, but in a few seconds, both smiled at each other and walked over to their humans.

Nines pulled Gavin into a close embrace, before whispering: ‘Let’s go home. I was shot at enough for one day.’

[blodreina-noumou]

I had fun with 6x02. It was angsty “why can’t our kids just get along” fun, but still fun!

The Big Things I’d be down to discuss:

1 - We got tiny little crumbs about Alpha/Sanctum itself, the people who live there, and how/why they’ve lived on this moon for the past century or so. The backstory with the very obvious Bellarke stand-in (that had to either be the best or worst little nod ever for shippers), including the sudden and unexpectedly violent death of Sanctum Clarke (I know she has a name I just forgot), shows us that the people of this world have been dealing with the eclipse psychosis for a long time, which definitely explains the kids’ books and general “this is a thing that happens sometimes” attitude of the people we’ve met. The mother, father, and daughter of that group are the Lightbournes (no idea how to spell that yet), who are seemingly worshiped in this world. How did that happen, when Daddy Lightbourne went nuts and murdered his wife and daughter? Jumping to the present, one of the lines between the older hijacker woman and her dying daughter - “the bodies, you have to make sure -” “I’ll take care of it” - definitely makes me think that there’s something about death/corpses on this planet that we don’t know yet. (Which makes me think of poor Shaw, quickly buried in that grave by that random field.) Both women seemed very concerned with recovering the bodies of their husbands, beyond the usual “respecting our dead” worries. And finally, that ending. The little girl, Rose, seemed to be dressed a bit more “royally” for lack of a better word, than the other children. Maybe it was just a design choice to make her stand out - if she’s got a name, she’s gonna be important. She had those “wise young leader” vibes though. The most interesting thing - her asking Clarke if they’re there to “take them home” and Clarke responding “isn’t this your home?” Sanctum believes they’re going to be rescued, I think we can safely guess that this is a big part of what makes them culty. So what are they going to do now that they know a rescue is impossible, because Earth is dead? Why do they still want to go home - to reconnect with a world an indeterminate number of lightyears away, where none of them were born? Why? Is it something about Sanctum that makes them long to return - something more than just the Eclipse Psychosis?

2. My favorite interactions were between Murphy and Clarke. I think something significant happened between them when Murphy finds Clarke holding that knife to her own throat. I think Murphy has a moment of realizing, “oh, maybe Clarke hasn’t let go of her baggage, maybe she carries more guilt and self-loathing than she shows us.” He gentles a lot as he talks her down, tells her that the radio she’s hearing all of those terrible things from isn’t even on. I do think they have a better understanding of each other now, and will probably snipe at each other less. Probably. Maybe. I appreciated Murphy telling Clarke that her taking some responsibility for being “the bad guy” was “a good start.” I do think Clarke needs to make serious strides towards apologizing properly, and she came closer than she had before to doing that in the argument she and Murphy had while they were locked up in the school. She was passive aggressive, but I think part of that is her frustration that anyone would think she doesn’t regret the things she’s done. She’s lost so many people who are important to her, and, given what Delusion!Abby said, Clarke also clearly blames herself for all of it. I think part of why she can’t apologize to anyone is because it’s hard for her to live with herself without justifying the why of those lives lost. She has to remember what she did it for, who she did it for, or she’ll lose it completely and surrender to her darkest, self-destructive impulses. This episode helped me with Clarke a bit, I’ll admit it. I hope this isn’t the only thing we’ll get, but I’m not holding my breath.

3. The different reactions everyone has to the psychosis is worth a hundred metas and at least twenty crack posts. I wanted to make a “tag yourself” meme about what everyone does (Echo “nopes” herself right out; Emori flips and attacks her “it’s complicated” lover; Bellamy becomes an Angry Rage Dad; Jackson and Miller try to protect each other to death; Clarke just hates herself (I don’t even have a good joke for it, it was honestly pretty sad); and Murphy would just be “????”; a bonus would be Octavia, who managed to behave as if she was under the Eclipse Psychosis, but it turns out our girl is just Losing It For Real Now, No But Like For REAL For Real - but I’m not good at the image-making thing, so anyone who sees this is free to steal the idea and adapt it to their own interpretations (just lmk ‘cause I wanna see it)!

4. Was Murphy affected? By the time Emori, Jackson, Miller, and Echo are all down for the count, Murphy becomes the voice of reason for Clarke and Bellamy. He has to protect himself, and them, from themselves and each other, and he does so in a very level-headed way. He isn’t shaking off the delusions like Clarke does when Murphy and Bellamy are fighting. He isn’t raging and ranting like Bellamy is. His craziest moments come from believing that he’s the only sane one left. Yet he shoots at Bellamy and Clarke, and clearly seems paranoid that they’re out to get him at certain moments. So what gives? Which parts were potentially Eclipse Psychosis, and which parts were just Murphy? I’m inclined to believe his needling of Clarke is 100% Him - given how he stomps off from their little fireside chat in 6x01 (that smile was sarcastic af y’all, not him really being like “you win”, he was pissed), I don’t think he’s able to hold himself back from speaking his mind to Clarke about her decisions, once they’re both tied up and stuck in the same room together. So when he shoots at Clarke and Bellamy, do we think he’s trying to protect them from themselves, or does he genuinely want to hurt them? So much to analyze. 

5. Speaking of Octavia, I am both elated and devastated to see that Niylah is pretty much her only friend right now - it makes my Niytavia heart happy, but it’s rough to see Octavia struggling so much, and being so alone in it. It’s clear Niylah is so scared for Octavia, and might be the only one who really sees how much she’s hurting. She’s the only one who recognizes that Octavia is egging everyone on, trying to get them to fight her, probably even kill her. Octavia is lashing out so much right now, and it’s definitely not a good look. I think it’s the only thing that makes sense for her character right now. She lost everything - all of the honor and respect and (yes) power she had, all of the hope she had for finding redemption in Eden, all of her closest friends and supporters (with the exception of Niylah - also, side note, I hope we see Indra and Gaia soon), and her brother. She’s never been good at actually reflecting on her mistakes. Now that she feels she has pretty much nothing to lose, of course she’s going to lash out and act like an angry kid throwing a tantrum, baiting people into punishing her. She wanted to die in that gorge - she believes she deserves it. Now, in her own words, “none of it makes sense”. I don’t know how much darker and angrier she’ll have to go before she finally confronts Blodreina, and all of the reasons she had to become her. She has to accept what she did, and forgive herself, before anyone else will.

6. What will the fallout from the Bellamy/Murphy fight be? Everyone was throwing out some sharp barbs, but Bellamy’s comment about Murphy being a court jester, and how that was “barely” better than useless was a low blow. It’s also a long way from the premiere last year, with Bellamy pinning Murphy and refuses to let him up until Murphy says he isn’t worthless. Will they brush by it as Eclipse Angst, or is this indicative of bigger problems between Murphy and Bellamy down the line this season? Bellamy definitely wakes up looking hella guilty about how close he came to killing both Clarke and Murphy. Does he really feel that way about Murphy, does he see him as an equivalent threat compared to Clarke? Why, and how?? Not to beat a dead horse, but Clarke has been pretty traitorous lately and has been much more dangerous to trust than Murphy has, for Bellamy for sure. Clarke’s own self-destructive thoughts seemed to be the genuine truth, what she believed about herself. Who’s to say we can’t assume Bellamy was being equally genuine about Murphy?

7. What’s going on with Murphy at the end there? Before he went into the water, he was mostly okay. After he comes out and passes out for a while, he’s suddenly near-death, with crazy black shit visibly running through his veins? I’ll admit I’m a little scared for him! I’m sure he’ll probably be fine, but the source is what unsettles me - the biggest difference between the three of them by that ...pond? puddle?... is that Murphy went under and inhaled a lot of water. Is even the water toxic when the eclipse is going on? That’s going to mean that the Sanctum people, who clearly have some safe place to go to during the eclipses, will have a lot of power over the safety of everyone on the planet, even more than we originally suspected. So our traumatized heroes are going to have to adapt and assimilate to this new society, and we really have no idea what that’s going to look like yet. We’ve already gotten some hints that it’s weird and culty though, and culty things have never boded well for our characters. Has it been mentioned how often these eclipses are? I don’t think so. We know they last two days, but not how often they happen. We also don’t know much else about the dangers in the world, and what life is like for other parts of the moon’s surface.

8. The parallels between Clarke and Octavia so far this season are delightful and frustrating. They both have so much in common, and it’s interesting to see the different and similar ways they’re reacting to the terrible things they were forced (and chose, at times) to do as young, inexperienced leaders. They both don’t think they deserve to be alive. They both have tried to hurt or kill themselves because of that. What frustrates me a bit about 6x02 is that it feels like a reversal from the way we saw Octavia at the end of 5x13. Octavia seemed ready to accept responsibility in that gorge “Wonkru is dead. I broke it.” and Clarke seemed more willing to stand by her convictions as a Mama Bear. Now Clarke is slowly starting to accept some accountability, and Octavia is calling out everyone for their “sins”. But I think on some level, they’re both motivated by the same self-destructive self-loathing. Both Clarke and Octavia attempted to sacrifice themselves (Clarke at the end of s4, Octavia at the end of s5) for the sake of their people, and also in an attempt to make up for how fall they’d each fallen from their own moral centers - they both wanted redemption and absolution for the terrible things they’d do to other people for the sake of survival. Both of them were robbed of this opportunity when they survived their attempts at martyrdom, yet their attempts do save the people they love. They’re both pretty much in the same place at the beginning of s6 - on the edges of their groups (although Clarke has been treated far more warmly by ReconKru than Octavia has been on the Eligius ship), feeling alone except for one special girl (Madi and Niylah respectively, although also Bellamy was being pretty nice to Clarke before the Psychosis thing happened), and they both have so much blood on their hands. Both have lashed out to an extent, but both have also directed their anger and guilt inward, and against themselves physically. I don’t know what the intention is behind these parallels yet - both women need a lot of peace and time to heal from what they’ve been through. Will they both actually be allowed that, on this show? I doubt it. That scares me, because as much as I complain about Clarke, I’ve never wanted a tragic ending for her. But if it comes down to a choice, I think y’all know what my bias would be. And right now, Octavia looks more likely to meet that dark end than Clarke.

This is long enough, so that’s it for now! Let me know your own thoughts!!

[comicteaparty]

January 14th-January 20th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from January 13th, 2019 to January 20th, 2019.  The chat focused on Sunstrike and Bluemist: An Origin Story by ShaRose49.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Sunstrike and Bluemist: An Origin Story by ShaRose49~! (http://sunstrikeandbluemist.thecomicseries.com/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PST), so keep checking back for more! You have until January 20th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 3. Who do you think Kairo being a double agent for and for what reason? What are the organization’s goals? How does Kat and Evan’s training factor into the organization’s goals to the point it’s an advantage?

QUESTION 4. Do you feel the secret police are a force for good or a force for evil? How might Kat’s dad’s return to investigations play a role in the story, especially considering he’s investigating super-human traffickers?

DeNay

Kat is definitely my favourite character. Hey what's not to love? She's fiery, driven, sweet, and wild. And she has green hair... I love that she doesn't let anything stop her. Not the prosthetic leg, not the challenges of being a mutant, not anyone else's fears. She courageously stands up for what she believes is right.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. Why do you think Evan wants to keep his true self hidden, even from Kat? Do you think Evan will open up more as time goes on? How might his work for the secret police help or hurt him where this is concerned?

ShaRose49

I’m encouraged that some people really like Kat. She’s a real outlet for me

These are really interesting questions, some of them I haven’t really thought of

Idk if I’m allowed to answer a question since I’m the author, but I think my favourite scene so far is the scene in the bedroom

DeNay

I think Evan has a lot of pain and scars and he's afraid to open up and create attachments because he might lose them. To me he seems equally scared of getting hurt and hurting others. That's a theory anyhow.

And I think he will open up more, especially with someone like Kat around.

As for secret police..I think it will force him out of his comfort zone, and that's probably in and of itself going to be very good for him...can't wait to see where it all goes.(edited)

snuffysam

Favorite scene was the fight with the mugger. It was a great showcase of the two's powers, and also the mugger was kind of funny.

my favorite is dad. he's not perfect, but he tries his hardest, and i love him for it

ShaRose49

Awwwwww! That is so cool @snuffysam!

Usually people like the teens best so it’s refreshing to hear a different perspective but you’re totally right

@DeNay well you’re not wrong, but hiding your true self is probably more fear of what others will think if they knew his true self

@DeNay And yeah, his comfort zone is like a cage

RebelVampire

QUESTION 6. Do you think working for the secret police will be everything Kat dreamed of? What unfortunate obstacles do you think might interrupt Kat’s dreams of living openly as herself?

RebelVampire

1) my favorite scene is probably the bedroom scenes. if only cause shallow-ly, i really loved evan just walking through the damn wall. hes so dang casual about it that i can help but admire how normalized the powers are to them in comparison to other ppls reactions. 2) the dad because he walks that fine line between looking out for the kids' safety and acknowledging that they are ppl who need room to grow and become their own ppl. that honestly a really rare depiction that i feel we dont get to see enough of in comics. 3) i want to assume its for an agency that is trying to disstablize the use of things like secret police. and the advantage comes in that if they can show the secret police are dangerous and have super powered ppl working for them, they can convince others to shut it down. 4) i have mixed feelings on the secret police. i assume its a bit of both. the little guys just want to do good things for the world. but the larger entity has probably slowly corrupted or something. become riddled with office politics. something like that. i feel the dad returning to investigations is significant to the story since hes probably gonna find leads the kiddos are gonna follow. 5) i think evan wants to keep his true self hidden cause he doesnt trust anyone and kind of hates everyone secretly cause he hates himself. i actually think working for the secret police is gonna hurt with him opening up. cause i feel hes always gonna get into trouble doing with kat wants instead of developing as his own person and its gonna get overwhelming. 6) i dont think the secret police will be everything kat dreamed of XD cause i think kat is gonna find when an organization doesnt have huge oversight, bad things tend to happen. not to mention, i feel like she has this delusion shell suddenly be accepted with open arms by the world when more likely theres gonna be some levels of discrimination.

ShaRose49

I love how in thought out these answers are

Thought out I meant

snuffysam

yeah i think the secret police aren't going to be as rosy as kat expects. there's levels of bureaucracy, or she isn't allowed to be open the way she wants, or something...

ShaRose49

Well I guess we’ll see. I do think @RebelVampire is the most accurate when describing Evan’s internal struggle so far. And I love how many people favour the dad, Derek. And it sounds kind of like you guys think the Secret Police is like S.H.I.E.L.D. or something lol

And yes, while Kat is a beautiful gem she is too accepting to the point where she is naive and even clueless. But what else would you expect from someone who’s grown up kind of in hiding with no or few friends? It’s actually amazing that Evan is more cautious and less trusting, but to be fair he’s had some traumatic experiences with people, much more so than Kat, but I won’t spoil it

I didn’t expect people to think so highly of Derek I thought I was better at writing younger characters so thanks you guys🥳

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. In general, what tasks do you think Kat and Evan will be doing for the secret police? Do you think Kat and Evan will run into other people with abilities? Do you believe the two will be able to handle it, or will they be outmatched?

DeNay

Hmm that's an interesting question...

I'm not really sure what they'll all be up to, but I'm definitely curious to see. I'm guessing they will run into some other mutants down the road...although I can't really see them fighting one of their "kind."

ShaRose49

Oh reaaaally?

You can’t imagine the, fighting, say, a mutant SUPERVILLAIN??

I’m not saying that’s gonna happen this episode, but keep in mind this story has superhero themes

As for other mutants showing up this episode...let’s just say there may be a cameo

DeNay

Well, maybe I could imagine that... Sounds pretty awesome.

snuffysam

I'm not sure what the secret police will be willing to let Kat & Evan do at first. Because even though they are supermutants, they're also children. Maybe they'll be sent to deal with parking violations at first?

Delphina

Whoo, finally caught up with work, so I can read comics again! I'm really enjoying the family dynamic in this one and probably like Kat the most. She's very earnest and energetic about her goals, and I'm looking forward to seeing if the secret police will encourage that or just add layers of moral grey.

I'm assuming Evan's parents died in a tragic mutant-power-related accident that he blames himself for and he was trying to attempt suicide back there before Kat called out to help with her prosthetic leg. I would hope he learns how to overcome his feelings of guilt and shame, but that seems like a long road and I could also see him giving in to those dark feelings and becoming an antagonist. Too early in the story to really tell!

(The banner at the top with Kairo and Kat in the foreground and Evan's eyes menacingly in the background indicates the latter from a design choice standpoint though. )(edited)

ShaRose49

@snuffysam Parking violations XD I’m dying

@Delphina wow you are perceptive. Not 100% right but you’ve noticed a lot of subtle details

You’re really good at examining Evan

@Delphina and yeah, work’s been a little nuts for me too recently

RebelVampire

lol parking violations. XD somehow i dont think being children will make them go easy on them. cause they already didnt care about the children fact when they hired them. and if them being kids bugged them all that much thats probably when they wouldve decided it wasnt a good idea.

ShaRose49

I think you’re sorta right

ShaRose49

But technically they’re not hired yet they’re just in training

RebelVampire

QUESTION 8. How exactly do you believe Kairo ends up working with Kat and Evan, and what is the mess he supposedly gets them into? Do you believe they’ll manage to get out of it?

(the archive for the chat on MoonSlayer is now available~! https://comicteaparty.com/post/182104413735/january-7th-january-13th-2019-ctp-archive)

RebelVampire

7) i assume theyre going to be handling super powered ppl and perhaps other situations where the situation is easily solved with their powers. like evan's walk through wall ability could come in really handy for doing the sneaky sneaks. but i assume super villains cause this is why you get ppl with superpowers, to fight the super villains that regular civilians cant. as for their ability to handle it, they are 1000% going to be outmatched i think for a while. mostly because youth breeds arrogance and cavalier attitudes while their inexperience breeds clumsiness for lack of a better word. not the best combo. 8) i assume kairo specifically requested it, and im going to guess that the situation is them having to fight a super powered bad guy or something. cause for kids just starting out in the secret police, thats not a situation youd want to be involved in right off the bat. i assume theyll manage to get out of it though. just cause if they dont the comic ends cause everybody be dead.

ShaRose49

Yeah everyone dies XD

People who weren’t familiar with anime kept asking me why Kairo had no eyes on that one panel. It was a little hard to explain lol

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. Overall, how do you think being “superheroes” will change Kat and Evan, both in regards to their own personalities and their views of the world?

Delphina

Kat's been strong-willed and taking risks and doing things she's not supposed to because she feels it's right, so I expect that'll get her into a fair bit of trouble when going after bad guys is her job. Evan is less risk-averse, but also prone to being pulled into trouble by Kat. I expect their problems are going to get a little more complex working with double agents and sides may become more difficult to choose, but I'm curious where becoming less sheltered and open to the world about their powers will take them, since we haven't seen many other examples of how people with powers are treated in society. Is it an X-Men "everyone knows they're around and hates them" thing or a Superman "superpowers are rare and letting people know my secret will be a huge hassle for me"?

ShaRose49

It’s probably more like X-Men

And yeah, Kay and Evan have a lot to learn, but I think they really balance each other out, or they will eventually

Kat stupid autocorrect

snuffysam

i think both good things and bad things will happen to kat & evan due to be more open with their powers. but it'll end up with kat seeing the good side of people being helped by them, and evan will focus on all the people who look at them funny.

ShaRose49

Haha!! That’s so sweet

@Delphina Were you the one who came up with the Evan turning evil theory? I spent a few seconds scribbling doodles based on this. I think I scared myself

ShaRose49

I think it’s the last day, so I just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to read this comic and for chatting about it (and listening to me geek out). I also wanna thank Comic Tea Party for hosting this!

snuffysam

'bout 26 hours left, yeah. Thanks for offering your comic up! Discussing stuff has been really fun so far!

ShaRose49

@snuffysam Aw, thanks!! Yeah I’ve had so much fun too

Also, as for whether or not Evan turns evil...that depends on what you define as evil

khkddn

welp i showed up to this discussion late but nevertheless i have things to say that are pretty similar to what others have said

first off my favorite character is kat. i decided this when she was like "by the way, you disgust me :)" to that criminal in the beginning of the story. great moment! i also like her design a lot, and the comic's use of bright colors in general

kat and evan view their role in the world v differently and i don't think they'll change easily. maybe evan will come around to accepting that it's okay to be in the spotlight, but i think it's more likely he'll keep wanting to hide away and that'll interfere with their work. even if he doesn't become a full on villain i think he'll at least want to do his own thing

as for kat, i'm worried for her, because i always worry about upbeat characters lol. what if being a Hero isn't what she expected huh, what if it sucks at first? i think evan would handle a reality shock better than kat since he isn't that enthusiastic about it to begin with. but kat might end up being really disappointed until she can adjust.

i really hope evan doesn't turn evil (or, like... evil adjacent?). then turn into a sibling vs sibling fight and ahhh oh no ;_;

Beef Liver

I hope being super heroes won't change Kat and Evan TO much... I really love who they are!

@ShaRose49 Thanks for writing the comic so we could discuss it!

RebelVampire

QUESTION 10. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

RebelVampire

9) i think for kat she's going to learn that doing the right thing is less black & white than she wants to believe. and that sometimes ppl do bad things with good intentions. so playing superhero is complicated and not just this 100% awesome thing. and i think shes really going to have to come to terms with the fact powers dont make her invincible and that ppl can get hurt as bystanders. as for her personality, i think overall itll mature her and make her more conscious of how her actions affect others at the end of the day. as for evan, i think hes gonna have an internal conflict about his personal feelings on his powers vs. the world showing him he can make a positive impact. and so while not evil, i think its gonna make him super angst for a while until eventually he chills out and learns to care about himself. i also think hell learn some independence and that he doesnt just have to follow kat everywhere. 10) im actually most looking forward to more world-building. seeing things like how the secret police are generally regarded, how powers are regarded, who kairo might be working for, etc. i think these are some elements thatll really set the stage for the future for kat and evan.

ShaRose49

@Beef Liver My pleasure!

@khkddn I’m so glad you like the bright colours!:

@RebelVampire You’ll See more world building soon! Kim looking forward to it as well. And as for Kat and Evan changing, @Beef Liver don’t worry, they won’t change drastically right away. However I think they both need to change, perhaps especially Evan. We’ll see why later on

EhNeli

Evan is my favorite. I'm sorry I'm not very good at elaborating (I did terrible in high school english class xl )

snuffysam

One thing I'm really looking forward to is Kat & Evan's first day at the secret police. Just seeing how various people there react to their powers and stuff.

ShaRose49

@EhNeli no worries mate.

I guess I’m looking forward to drawing more of the awesome sibling relationship and going into depth with Kairo. If he doesn’t seem like an important character yet get ready...

@snuffysam I’m really looking forward to that too. I don’t think it will be too long from now (I less it takes me ages to draw cause of work or something)

*unless

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Sunstrike and Bluemist: An Origin Story this week! Please also give a special thank you to ShaRose49 for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Sunstrike and Bluemist: An Origin Story, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: http://sunstrikeandbluemist.thecomicseries.com/

ShaRose49’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/KadachSharon

[halvatir]

Hello mizu! Its okay if you're too busy/don't want to do it but could you do the more detailed character ask for flanel and randel? Curious anon here, have a good day!

hey there anon, hoping you’re having a good day too ( ᐛ )و - are you talking about this ask??? i’m not sure what you’re talking about but bless these kinds of tumblr blogs, here u go

btw the likes/dislikes are in reference to my interpretations for them, the fav/least fav moment are in reference in-game since y’know… these guys don’t exactly have ‘moments’ minus… idk, whoever the devs decide to feature in the updates (゜▽゜;)

flamel (… flanel lol i thought u were referring to another chara)

what i like about them: perfectly self-aware of himself: knows what his strengths + capabilities are and also his weaknesses + flaws, along with his morals + ideals + character. nope, any form of psychological bullshit won’t work on him. he’s absolutely aware of what he’s capable of doing and he’s not in denial about his shortcomings at all… what he does with that knowledge and what he plans to do about it is more of the question.

what i dislike about them: while flamel has a condescending air about him, he actually does not look down on people and he acknowledges others’ capabilities + character, even if they’re better than his own. that’s the problem: he knows or at least he has a general idea of a person’s capabilities + character, and what he dislikes the most is if it is not put to good use. without mercy, he can really say stinging observations about one’s failures and fears straight to their faces - the worst part is? it hurts, bc it’s true. he’s insensitive, but you can’t exactly deny his words either.

favorite moment: when i get his card lol bc i really like his card art??? not the mvp + biochemist one, the regular one - like… daMN??? i dig, he probably has the best regular card among the bio mobs imo

least favorite moment: ??? have u fought this fucker in-game??? no??? lucky u then, cecil’s still the queen bitch but mAN is flamel also a pain to fight, the last time i played ended up with my party dying partially bc of him and his clones

a situation with this character that i want to see explored more: not exactly a situation but his backstory??? or okay, something with his family - i know he’s nicholas flamel’s son but what about his mom? or what if: his parents announce that he’s about to have a sibling like??? what, i’m like around my 20s already then u tell me i’m gonna be an older bro i am questioning ur nightly activities??? cue a much needed slap from his mom lol

an interesting au for this character: lol i’d probably like to see flamel in a soulmate au where he feels the same emotions his partner does like wow he’s really irritated at it at first bc really why is this person so damned emotional / feel so much but eventually he’s able to compartmentalize his partner’s emotions from his own and he also takes note of the emotions his partner experiences in a journal daily, complete with time frames/lines??? that’s sort of sweet??? it also becomes a habit for him to look at the journal at the end of the day and think of reasons why his partner may have felt this way at each of the recorded times??? what’s funny tho is that despite the fact that he’s been taking note of his partner’s emotions for so long (probably middle school up to college?), he’s never gotten the urge to discover who his soulmate is, or to try find said person. sorry soulmate, you’re the one who’s gonna take initiative.

a crossover: top of my head, probably a fullmetal alchemist one lol - he’s probably some big shot alchemist then surprise surprise, one of his transmutation attempts fucked up him up pretty badly leading him to the gate of truth. he wakes up feeling ‘empty’ only to figure out that somehow his parts of him have taken the form of homonculi… and not just any kind of homonculi - they introduce themselves as a part of him, the sins in him that has made him the man he was today. they even call him father and take different human forms (lol, aka they take the form of his floormates, take a pick who represents each sin) - the revelation is in his travels tho while he’s trying to get to the homonculi, is that flamel himself embodies a sin, the seventh sin that completes all of them (try guessing what, lol). ooooh, this could probably be good if i actually fix this but yeah, there u go, it goes somewhere along those lines.

otp: none, actually. 

other ships: kathryne // trentini

brotp: randel // alphoccio

notp: lady tanee hahAHAHA jk no seriously idk just ignore my first entry pls it was supposed to be a joke… maybe…

assortment of headcanons

surprise bitch, he’s the best chef in the biolabs but he ain’t gonna cook for anybody but himself - the only time he isn’t hung up on precise measurements + time is when he’s cooking

has a pair of reading glasses, uses them often and keeps them stored away neatly in his desk complete with a wipe - he always makes sure there’s adequate lighting + his reading glasses are present when he reads stuff, he sure cares for his eyes a lot

he… surprisingly follows a lot of good health practices - he always takes 15 - 20 min break if he’s been doing something for a straight hour (patrol + battles are exempted), drinks 8 glasses of water daily, sleeps early, etc.

his hands are always gloved - takes ‘em off only when he’s about to sleep. his right hand is pristine but his left hand has a strangely shaped burn mark that runs diagonally across his palm - it looks old.

he looks prim and proper but honestly his room is nuts - what’s more confusing is that he isn’t bothered by his room’s state at all + he knows exactly where his stuff is when he needs it, like… dude… how do u even know where to find ur shit in a warzone called ur room, teach me ur ways master

randel (oooh this is new)

what i like about them: he’s a very resolute yet flexible person: definitely not the type of person who’d go second-guessing on his decisions or would waver in times of crisis, but he’s not also the person who’d insist on pushing on with the initial goal/objective when difficulties or contradictions arise - he takes in the present situation + other factors & encountered facts and weighs them against the supposed goal/objective. from there he determines what he thinks would be the best course of action to take, and it takes him only a short time to do so even under pressure.

what i dislike about them: true to his class, he’s too self-sacrificing??? which is like… dude c’mon it’s probably an honor for the crusader line to die in the act of protecting others but still if u die, who’s going to protect those who can’t protect themselves? like yeah, he understands that too but he’s more inclined to believe that it’s better for him to be left behind/sacrificed/die in exchange for the lives of the majority. well - it’s either he’s that self-sacrificing or sadly, when weighed against the lives of the people he must protect, he doesn’t place that much value on his own life.

favorite moment: the feel when u don’t get his attention, seriously. pls let me sneak about ur floor in peace - i swear i went to church so pls stop with the grand + holy crosses

least favorite moment: fighting him is torture bc if rms data is right, 478,745 hp, man - he has the longest hp out of his floormates… and that’s just a regular randel… the paladin one has 3,870,000 and the mvp one a whopping 6,870,000… since his life is that fucking long, say goodbye to trying not to be mobbed by the other ghosts bc ur still busy trying to kill him, damn

a situation with this character that i want to see explored more: same like flamel, knowing his backstory would be A+ but… hmm, maybe something way back like his origins story or something, the story of why and what made him decide to be a swordsman/crusader. y’know, that’s if we’re assuming that he’s not from a family line of swordsmen/crusaders or something. idk, sometimes the thing is with characters who are in line with a faith/ideal is that i’m interested in what made them devote their lives to that certain faith/ideal in the first place.

an interesting au for this character: oooh, just… idk, a modern au where he suddenly ends up taking care of the bio2 kids who are orphans. he’s never mentioned it to anyone, not even to the people of his workplace who happen to be his friends/co-workers like for 4 years already. therein lies the problem: his friends on separate occasions have seen him with at least 2 or 1 of the kids. they all know randel isn’t married. the hair colors (cenia and laurell) + other features don’t match up. some distinctly heard a kid call him dad/daddy/father (see: wickebine, armaia, the rest respectively). conclusion: it’s either a) he’s babysitting as a part time job bc goddamn rekenber’s a cheap son of a bitch that won’t give him a raise, b) those kids are his cousins or something and are probably so fond of him that they see him as a father figure, or c) illegitimate chiLDREN FROM SOME ONE NIGHT STANDS ALRIIIGHT SCANDAL IN THE OFFICE. chaos ensues even before poor randel has a chance to explain himself.

a crossover: lol, idk… a shingeki one maybe where randel’s probably the head of the survey corps, watching over our fated trio (probably flamel/celia/chen for his floor, bio2&3′s are a mix&match). for some time, the trio don’t see him but strangely enough when the trio get old enough to join the corps, they discover that randel is considered a scum and a traitor to humanity by all three army regiments (survey, garrison, & military) which is strange bc randel is very well known and respected by humanity within the walls, wow. when the trio get deeper into his case, it turns out that randel vehemently fought against a group of scientists that were looking for human subjects for the ‘sake of saving humanity by using present resources’ - the three of them were seen as part of those potential resources and were eyed upon by the scientists were they were already young, along with other people from different parts of the walls (the other bio mobs). what happened to randel, however, is left in the air… was he even still alive, or had something important happened leading him to be branded as the traitor of humanity? politics, religion, science, drama, and titans (removers maybe lol) ensue.

otp: again, no solid one.

other ships: ????? surprising revelation is that i don’t exactly ship randel romantically, wow even i just discovered that now

brotp: his floormates - although honestly i think that one way or another, randel could be on everyone’s good side once they just get around to talking, probably

notp: zealotus oKAAAAY no seriously pls make me stop placing random mobs in this section

assortment of headcanons:

very, very religiously open + tolerant. he shows a lot of interest on other faiths and is knowledgeable even of various religious practices asides from his own. of course, he’s still steadfastly loyal to what he believes in first and foremost, but he feels no need to impart his beliefs to those who don’t / are reluctant to believe. he isn’t the type you’d see to be preaching about his faith either, that is unless you ask.

in line with the hc above, his tolerance also extends to people and their character + personalities, but he isn’t too tolerant to the point that he’d rationalize questionable actions + motives. he may have the patience of a saint, but no one’s so sure if they want to see him snap / test his patience to see what makes him tick. throwing bullshit about his faith doesn’t work on him, actually.

he’s pretty crafty - he pretty much taught himself other ways to help people, from practical stuff like sewing to more complicated stuff like woodwork + metal works, wow. he’s basically the ideal useful guy in survival crises… minus the fact that he can’t cook that well lol

he has the worst drinking tolerance among the bio3 + bio4 residents - the sign that he’s drunk is when his face shows more expression than usual + his posture breaks (the paladin randel card art lol). nobody knows bc damn son, he has a pretty good poker face and he can hold it for a really long time

... the only reason he grew his hair long is bc of a promise to his mother. he vowed that if ever he was to fall in love (and it was reciprocated) / find the person he would devote his life to, that would be the only time he would cut his hair, and his mother would do the honors... but... yeah... wow, i made myself feel sad

this was a lot of fun - thanks a lot for the ask anon, and i welcome your curiosity anytime! (　＾∇＾) i’m always in for a distraction from work lol

[snap-spark-blog]

taeyong meta (w citations) cuz im losing my mind

originally on twitter

UMM I started furiously typing without ANY organization but im here to summarize that this is a shitty essay about taeyong's change of character over the years and how it's driving me NUTS

--- the thing is i never bought into the whole "taeyong used to be a bad boy" narrative and the reason i started stanning him to begin with was finding out he's actually a gentle boy from NCT life and other interviews and realities shows and like......generally my thoughts on the scandal (which changes all the time and i dont know the whole story) is that first of all it's a stupid ass fucking issue to have a scandal around and that second it seems overboard to the point where SM rolled with it and made him apologize demurely and appear guilty rather than defend him in order to push his soft boy image even more? because they were creating a "cold and unapproachable" image FOR him during debut and actively having him and other members demonstrate that he's "actually really gentle" like, this was SM's own doing, which means as time went on especially when CB rolled around you can start to see that the "soft boy" who cooks and cleans and takes care of members like a good leader image is to some extent a construction as well because taeyong is not rly a natural leader, there are members who begin to stand out as having that role instead and taeyong can comfortably retreat a little into the regular person that he is WHICH, at that point, i loved even more because hey he's happy and that makes me happy, i know enough about the person at the core of "taeyong" to bias him no matter what kind of a person he is cuz its always within the bars of standard deviation. to me his image progressed smth along the lines of this starting from rookies era till about...like limitless even they really wanted to push his image as being a dancer (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wEdZKC0orM), and when i first saw this i was in luv but the more i got to know him the more i realized this is something they would've choreographed for kai, it's a style of sharp snaps and smooth curves and hitting the points that kai loves doing, kai taemin etc like knowing SM's history of dancers this feels more like them than taeyong, and ofc being a rookie ty must learn to be ABLE to technically execute things like this (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LvniaVnTKQI), cool sharp and hard hitting, which falls in line with the "seems cool but is sweet" dichotomy they had for him around NCT U/FT era (like grey hair era) and i ALWAYS think about this interview (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZMb7t_cH10) where they asked the team dance or music aND LIKE BESIDES WINWIN WHO OBV CHOSE DANCE TY CHOSE DANCE BUT I NEVER UNDERSTOOD IT BECAUSE its so different from how im used to when i watch dancers like i dont think taeyong necessarily worships dancing because he seems to LOVE music as much as dance because theyre both means to express himself thru (and i personally think he answered dance cuz he's "dancer" but fk do i know) and like from the moment limitless hit and he was put in a SOFT SWEATER and there were suddenly 9 people and johnny existed and carried them thru variety taeyong has significantly retreated more into the background and limitless is where he starts to FEEL his identity a little more and so he WRITES things like BDLI, he SAYS things like "i loved this line so much", because they're starting to move from their cool-but-not-quite-relatable, not quite touchable, exclusive and distant kind of music towards something more "true and free" which is at the core of the whole band's image (bUT LITERALLY!! WARM SWEATERS) and i cant say for sure it wouldve been this era when he relaxed his image a little more but this would be when i realized like "Ah this is just a regular kid who's good at some things" from the way members act around him and things they say and the things he does ofc its still genuine and he loves his members but its no longer "i go out of my way all the time to make sure everyone is ok" (like, like taeil johnny say he leads more by charisma and energy than by emotional care, more on this later) like he's just another person in the dorm, he's sensitive but also over sensitive he gets offended, he has disagreements w them, hes 20 something not a mother, hes just a kid who's talented and skilled and loves art and ofc i LOVED that and i wish i was fkcng around for this era but only in hindsight when CB era rolled around can i assume this is what linked the kid he was at debut with the MONSTER WE SEE NOW AND LIKE HERE COEMS CHERRY BOMB ERA WHICH IS MY FUCKING FAVE WHICH IS WHERE HE SAYS THINGS LIKE "I have an introverted personality but i think it makes me powerful; it helps me know myself better; it's like going through a "late-puberty"" (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1LiUAqO1BA) AND THIS VIDEO KILLS ME EVERY FUCKING TIME BECAUSE YOU SEE IT............THE MOMENT HE GOT HIS PINK HAIR, THE MOMET HE GOT THOSE COLOR LENSES AND THE HEAVY EYE MAKEUP HE LITERALLY FINALLY WENT FROM NOT BEING ABLE TO LOOK AT HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR (https://www.instagram.com/p/BWzjNIEBj16/) TO LOOKING LIKE HE KNOWS EXACTLY HOW HOT HE IS LEADING THEIR TEAM AT THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING STAGE TO THE POINT WHERE HE TURNS HIMSELF ON (THAT CONFIDENCE!!!!!!!) TO WRITING THINGS LIKE WHIPLASH WHERE HE KNOWS HOW HOT IT IS THAT HE'S COME SO FAR AND BECOME SO CAPABLE (THE BEST OF THE BEST) AND HOW MUCH HOTTER IT IS THAT HE WANTS TO BE DOMMED, TO DOING WHAT ENDED MY LIFE TODAY IF THE MULTITUDE OF HALF-BONERS AND SEX FACES ON STAGE I NTHE PAST MONTH HASNT WHICH IS FLIRT ON NATIONAL TV (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAyYCV1CnYc) AND CHECKING OUT A GIRL WITHOUT GIVING A SINGLE FUCK (https://twitter.com/moontaeyong95/status/921462333532200960/video/1) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LIKE ???? where did we come from ???? and where are we now???? 1. "cool looking good leader dancer soft boy" 2. more ambiguous, more real, stays true to his own multifaceted personality and style 3. an absolute beast coming to realize his power for the first time going back to dance: from recent solo stages and the way he's been dancing the choreo (more expressive, less perfect and rigid) i get the feeling like he's always been less about motional perfection than just feeling the music so much that he goes crazy with it, and that's more or less what i fucking love about NCT as a whole, is that nobody really has clearly defined roles, no one ever introduces themselve as "hello I'm NCT's rapper xxx", "I'm NCT's dancer xxx", because theyre all just "artists" without these arbitrary limits, and they can indulge in this in whatever form they like, as whatever aspect of their identities they feel like being today: "hello, i'm mark in a pink sweater." (http://www.vlive.tv/video/19700?channelCode=DEE409) it's not that he loves dance more than anything, its not that he loves rap more than anything, he just....he just fucking lvoes life? he loves his life? taeyong's artistry comes from whatever it is he's feeling within and in whatever form he's feeling it and that's what ive come to rly love about him, it's about appreciating what HE's feeling and how he's showing it to us and lately he's been so, SO into the music. he's so into it that i couldnt believe it at first and thought it meant he was tired (https://youtu.be/sQO3TJfOf7M) but he's actually and i quote egg, "probably just really turned on". and chuseok passed and i thought he'd go home and take care of his ~needs~ and come back after learning how to CHILL but I GUESS APPARENYL FUCKING NOT BECAUSE HE'S GOD DAMN WALKING DOWN THE STAIRS TO SEOUL FASHION WEEK LIKE HE KNOWS HES THE HOTTEST FUCKIG N THING IN THE WORLD AND CHECKING OUT THAT GIRL WITH SO MUCH CONFIDENCE AND THIS IS THE ULTIMATE POINT OF THIS POST IS THAT IM SO FUCKING GLAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT HE LOOKS SO CONFIDENT LIKE HES FINALLY GROWN INTO HIMSELF AND ACCEPTED THE REALITY OF HIS POTENTIAL AND ALL THAT HE CAN BE AND IS FINALLY TAKING CHARGE OF IT AND SHAPING IT INTO SOMETHING OF HIS OWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LITERALLY CANT ASK FOR ANYTHING MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND ITS MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN ANYTHING HES DONE OS FAR AND IM LOSING MY G*D DAMN MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HES ON A RAMPAGE SM ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HOPE NOT CUZ I HOPE HE NEVER GETS STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's it this whole thing has no other purpose i just wanted to say i love him right now like this thank you for reading