#it makes it harder for me to connect. if that makes sense

[kianamaiart]

Deep philosophical questions incoming lol-what were the factors in you deciding to leave college before you graduated to work on BCG? Was it a complicated decision or pretty easy to make? Looking back did you think your future would look like where you are today?

It ended up being a no brainer. Initially I was worried that I'd have a harder time getting more jobs after BCG without a degree (since my contract was only for 6 months and we had no idea if we were getting a season 2 at the time). But other folks in the industry quickly let me know that a degree would not be necessary at all. The next worry was what my parents would think but when I told them I got a job at Disney they were immediately supportive of me dropping out to start working~

My future would be sooooo different. I'm so lucky BCG was my first show for a number of reasons. It's Disney's second longest running animated show after Phineas and Ferb, so I've had the luxury of stability. Most productions only last a season or two which equals about a year or two of work. I've been on BCG for almost 8 years now and I'm more grateful than ever to be here especially with how rough the industry has been as of late.

I likely would've ended up on a different show too. Around the time I would've graduated, I was reached out to to work on The Owl House and the last couple seasons of Steven Universe. How well I would've done on those shows? We'll never know, but I feel like BCG fits my sense of humor and writing sensibilities. I've learned so much about comedy and writing from this series and it largely affected how I approach art (since I was 20 when I was hired and still developing my artistic voice)

Also I met all my best friends on Big City Greens! I can't imagine not having these people in my life and again, I think I'd be a completely different person had I not met them. The all motivate me in a way I've never experienced with other friend groups and it's entirely possible I never would have tried making stuff like IDWTBAMG or my hanamusa comics. All the connections I've made and all the art I do would drastically be affected I think.

[thefirstlioveyou]

The State of Mike's Safety & What He Needs in S5

a part of s5 is gonna be them finally realizing they need mike. i mean, it makes sense. you have a character who feels like nobody needs him. wouldn't he need to discover that everyone needs him? in order to believe he is needed by everyone, he needs to see it for himself and not just from a single person's words.

and if it's true that he is needed by everyone like will, the duffers, and shawn levy claim, who we have no reason not to believe, then wouldn't whoever "everyone" is need to have a plot changing moment where they all collectively realize that? as of right now, he still flies right over their head. something major needs to happen for them to finally realize he has been the key this whole time. they need to lose him in some way. it's kinda like how you never know what you have until it's gone or it's almost too late.

with people still doubting mike being in danger.... why on earth wouldn't vecna take away the one thing that makes them all fall apart?

the show's literally spoiling s5 right in front of our eyes. the twist is in our face. they lost. they fell apart and were always bound to lose no matter what. why? because they lost the heart (mike). it's why mike keeps getting mentioned for NO reason in plots that don't even concern him. the answer is right in their face but the characters keep missing it.

when vecna tells el "you have already lost," it only makes me think that he had already done something that solidified his win a long time ago [side-eyes that damn vine]

s3 kept bashing the audience over the head through weird ass dialogue and blocking that mike's important. he is key. he is also "flayed." s4 just bashes you over the head even more that it's almost too late for mike, much similar to how it was for max.

now, this shot is incredibly important. nancy hugs jonathan instead of hugging mike. the show wants us to notice the flaw in this.

i think after what we saw in the bts video, one of nancy's priorities next season will be connecting with family, especially mike.

one of the points of mike in s1 was that nobody knew anything about him because they didn't put the effort to. he wasn't a concern to them until government was involved and they didn't know where he was. he was invisible until he was actually "missing" momentarily.

his mom didn't fight for answers the way she did for nancy the whole season. nancy didn't know where he could've been because they don't talk and she's clearly embarrassed to admit that. she proposes they never hide anything again but that doesn't last long. karen doesn't say anything about the scab on mike's chin when all it'd take is a line or two to write in that acknowledges it. even EL noticed it and asked. meanwhile, without hesitation, karen asks nancy about the sweater she was wearing with full concern. then the infamous cliff scene just. it never happened. he's never even thanked in any capacity for it and all the credit turns to el. a 12 year old boy stepped, not jumped, stepped off a cliff. he didn't bother begging or fighting for an alternative. he just accepted it. totally normal scene, right? and it just never gets mentioned.

karen refuses to go to mike herself. she expects him to come, but mike isn't gonna do that. there's a reason why we never see him actually open up with her and only hugs her, the same way jonathan and joyce only hug but never actually talk about what actually needs to be talked about. karen and nancy don't ever hug once the whole show because the love karen has for her is shown through her actual actions and efforts.

this "he'll come to us when he's ready" bullshit is the opposite of what season 4 was trying to say with max. waiting for someone to come ain't gonna work, at least not in this universe. it just ends up horribly.

they need to look harder.

there needs to be someone fighting for him.

it's been so clear what the show is trying to do with mike since the beginning. he is constantly shown to be running out of time or being late just like vecna's victims. he is invisible up until he's in danger, just like max. karen waits for him the way lucas waited for max, and he learns from it. the "i just tripped" excuse from vecna's victims ties directly back to mike. so if you think about it, in a way, mike's been living in his own version of vecna's curse the entire show. it's just a slowburn version of it and nobody's noticing. that's why they lost.

if they say we are coming back in a circle, then that only means mike has to finally be visible to them now. he has to be one of their concerns. they need to care and be given a reason to. we are finally gonna see into his head again, and likely more than we ever have before. finn's also already confirmed s5 will dive more into his mental health.

the last 20 minutes of s4 is basically screaming at you how screwed mike is, but it's also a line up of the people who are likely the ones gonna be fighting for him. he gets a personal scene with his mom, who tells him he is staying right there. it matters that he's there. he has his scene with hopper. nancy tells jonathan she's glad he was with mike (and adds on will as an after thought. interesting writing choice there. they're doing too much to single him out this entire ending bit).

we're even shown that will is the light in mike's life, the same way mike and will's family was will's light in s2 during his possession. will is drowning in sunlight while mike's sits right at the edge of it.

they need to reach out to mike. mike needs to be fought for in some way next season rather than him only fighting for someone else again, which only feeds into his toxic cycle. if he saves someone, he's needed. but that's not it. that's not how it should be. that is the same logic that holds him down. he was confronted with a dying el and max again in s4, paralleling s1. the pressure was on him to get to her fight and do something, or else she'd die... again... because he failed (in his eyes).

and i'm not saying mike won't be a hero - he definitely will be. he will get his moment. i'd like to think the love he'll receive will fuel his will to fight back and win against something finally. but first, he must find worth in his own life in order to do that. he needs to realize he himself is worth fighting for.

mike is clearly a target next season and has been since the start. thinking the antagonist has nothing to do with the main character... respectfully cope harder. as if it wasn't both nancy and mike's best friends who went missing. as if holly wasn't moments away from being snatched by a demogorgon. as if karen didn't have a moment with a flayed!billy. as if it isn't mike that is vecna's "friend" and him that wasn't grabbed a vine we have never seen before. as if it isn't nancy who vecna chose to give his message to. is mike really just there to sit there and look pretty and be perfectly safe to some of y'all? that makes sense to some people??

it is obvious it's max, then it's mike. they aren't even being discreet about it.

so all in all, mike needs to be valued and loved next season. and clearly, that's what the writers want you to do as well.

"but he's been a complete jerk!! he needs to earn this by apologizing first!! they shouldn't be doing this first."

ok let's think for a second why they're doing that in this order because it is odd. why is mike being met with so much love, care and concern before we even get an understanding of why he's been the way he's been? why are they making us worry about mike? why is it almost like he's getting a pass? why are they working backwards?

it's simple. if they're trying to get you to gather sympathy for this boy before a proper """redemption arc""" or apology, before getting a single glimpse into his pov, all while wholeheartedly saying he's the heart despite the last 2 seasons failing to give him the chance to be that... it's only because they know something that we don't. there's a massive plot twist regarding him that's gonna recontextualize everything.

this is another big reason why i think it's very likely possessiongate may actually be real. the way they're setting it up like this makes it seem like mike never did anything at all. when a character messes up in this show, it does not go this way. you don't seem them get rewarded with a painting that tells them how great of a person they are. there is something very off about the way this is being structured if mike is truly at fault.

-

tags (i'm gonna assume the likes were also yes' 😭):

@itswhatyougive @apocalyptic-byler @lazylama9 @beepingmemesauce2727 @gimmiecandy @will-teehee @girly-eldritch-screeching @lemons-woo-yeah @bylerposting @luhvtan875 @thecharliechip @80syaoi @ivermyri @my-coven-is-claudia @bulionzkury @heroesbyler @directorfinnwolfhard

[sunshineyrosie]

Teacher's Pet - Part 2

summary: direct continuation of part one, which can be found here.

pairing: Professor!Jayce x reader

w/c: 1.6k

notes: pure filth ahead!!! spanking, teasing, edging, PIV sex, subspace, aftercare, L-bomb. my first time writing smut and I may have blacked out lmao

read on ao3: here

Jayce’s hand connects with her flesh again, the sound echoing through the room like a gunshot. He could feel the heat radiating from her skin—could see the red imprint of his hand blooming across her flesh. It was a primal, satisfying sensation. One that sent a jolt of desire straight to his groin.

“Three.” she gasps, her voice trembling in a mix of pain and arousal. He could see the wetness pooling between her legs, could smell her arousal mingling with the scent of his cologne—an intoxicating, heady mix that drove him wild with need. 

He spanks her again, harder this time, his own hand stinging from the impact. “Four,” she cries out, now squirming on his lap. He could feel her struggling to maintain some semblance of control, to hold onto the last shreds of her dignity. But they both knew she wanted—no, needed this. For him to take control. 

He raises his hand again, pausing for a half second to admire the reddening handprint before delivering the fifth strike. “Five.” She gasps, a full-body shudder finally wracking her body. 

He teasingly reaches down, his fingers gently tracing the wet folds between her legs. She lets out a moan, her body arching slightly at the contact. He could feel her wetness—the glistening evidence of her arousal. 

“It seems you’re enjoying yourself far too much for this to be considered a punishment, sweetheart.” He speaks, a teasing lilt to his voice.

“Please,” she whimpers, voice hoarse with need. “Please, Jayce…”

He leans down, his breath hot against her ear. “Please what, sweetheart? What do you need from me?”

He knew full well what she needed, but he wanted to hear her say it. She hesitated, her body trembling. “I want—I need you to touch me, Jayce.”

“I am touching you,” he teases, sweeping his warm hand soothingly across her raw flesh. 

“I need to cum, Jayce. Please.” She gasps, her voice shaking with embarrassment and lust. 

A slow, wicked smile spreads across his face. “Is that so?” He mocks. “And what makes you think you deserve to cum, hmm? You’ve been a naughty girl all day—teasing me, pushing my buttons.”

“Please, Professor. I’ll be good, I promise.” She’s nearly crying now. 

Jayce chuckles, a low rumbling sound that vibrates through his chest. “Very well. Since you’ve been taking your punishment so well and counting like a good, smart girl, I’ll give you a choice. Do you want to come on my fingers, or my cock?”

“Your cock, Jayce. I want your cock.” She answers too quickly, too desperately.

“Okay, sweet girl.” He hums wickedly, sliding two fingers into her dripping core, feeling her tight heat clamping around him. He could sense her confusion as he begins to move his fingers, thumb circling around her clit.

“Jayce?” She pants. “I thought… I thought you said—”

He leans down, pressing a wet kiss against her ear. “I said you could come on my cock. I never said anything about my fingers. This is a punishment, remember? It’s far from over, honey.”

She lets out a strangled moan as he increases the pace, his fingers curling inside her, repeatedly hitting the sweet spot inside her that makes her cry out. They both had long stopped caring about anyone outside hearing. 

Jayce could feel her body tensing—could feel her getting close, the coiled tension and the way her muscles clench around his fingers. Jayce smirks to himself, wondering just how far he could push her.

“Oh god, Jayce,” she begs, body trembling. “Please, I don’t…can’t—I’m gonna—“

“Hold it.” He growls, his voice low and dangerous. “Don’t you dare cum until my cock is inside you. Do you understand?”

She nods, trembling. Her breath now coming out in short, sharp gasps as she fights to hold back her orgasm. He smiles, proud of her determination, her obedience.

Just as he feels her reach the precipice, he pulls his fingers out abruptly—leaving her empty and wanting. She lets out a cry of protest, body seeking more friction, more contact. “Patience, sweetheart.”

Before she could protest further, Jayce lifts her up off his lap and sets her bare ass on top of his desk, the cool wood a shock to her heated skin. He quickly unbuttons his trousers, pulling them down just enough for his cock to spring free, hard and heavy. He teases her with it—running the head along her slit, coating himself in her slick.

“Jayce, please,” she begs. “Please, no more teasing.”

He leans down, not stopping his ministrations, his voice a low growl in her ear. “Beg for it. Beg for my cock.”

She doesn’t hesitate, her voice desperate and sure. “Please, Jayce—Professor. I need it. I need your cock. I need you to fuck me, to make me come. Please, I’m begging you.”

With a heady groan, he plunges into her, filling her completely as he bottoms out—stretching her, claiming her. He starts to move, hips thrusting bruisingly against hers. His hands grip her thighs, holding her in place as he pounds into her. The desk shook with the force of his movements, the papers scattering to the floor, grading long forgotten.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he groans, head thrown back. “So tight, so wet…” He leans down, his lips capturing hers in a fierce, demanding kiss. 

She moans into his mouth, arms wrapping around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. He could feel her nails digging into his shoulders through his dress shirt, surely leaving marks though the thin material. He could feel her body arch against his, urging him deeper, her hips moving in time with his, meeting his thrusts with her own. “Yes,” she hisses. “Fuck me hard, Professor.”

Jayce gladly obliges, his pace increasing, body slamming into hers with a force that shook the very foundations of the room. He begins to trail kisses down her jaw and neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin. He marks her, repeatedly—his lips and teeth leaving a trail of bites and bruises—claiming her as his. Knowing he was literally leaving his mark on her sent a primal urge of satisfaction through him. 

He could feel her body responding, breaths coming in short, sharp gasps. If he focused enough, he swore he could feel her heart racing against his chest.

He could feel his orgasm building—the familiar tingle at the base of his spine, the tightening of his balls. He was close, so close… 

Jayce pulls back slightly, his voice hoarse with need. “Come with me, honey. I want to feel you come around me, please—please sweetheart.”

He snakes his hand down between them to rub at her clit, and could feel the way her inner muscles began to flutter around him. With a final, powerful thrust, he comes, his body shuddering with the force of his release, filling her with his seed. She joins him, her own orgasm ripping through her—body convulsing around his cock, milking him for all he was worth.

“Jayce, oh—oh god,” She babbles, her words coming out breathless and disjointed. “P-Professor, thank you. Thank you, you feel…good. So good. I love you, I love you, I love... Thank you, thank—”

He could feel her grip on his shirt tighten even more as her body shook with the force of her orgasm, her words spilling out brainlessly—a mix of gratitude and unadulterated pleasure. 

“Shh, it’s okay. You did so well, so good for me. I’m so proud of you.” He murmured, his lips brushing against her forehead and cheeks. “You’re amazing, do you hear me? I love you so much.”

He pecks her softly all over her face, cooing and whispering sweet nothings to her. His hands are soothing and gentle as he helps bring her back to reality, her body still trembling with aftershocks.

Eventually, he feels her grip on his shirt loosen and her breathing return to normal. He slowly pulls out of her, a satisfied smile gracing his face as he looks down at her, flushed and sated, eyes glazed over in pleasure. His seed had already begun dripping out of her and onto the surface of his desk.

He tucks himself back into his trousers, eyes never leaving her. He quietly tugs her skirt back down her legs, taking his time to smooth out the fabric, his touch gentle but still possessive. He pockets her panties, a small, secretive smile playing at his lips as he does so.

He helps her up, his hands steady and supportive as she finds her footing. He wordlessly slips his coat over her shoulders, the warm fabric enveloping her. He didn’t ask if she was cold—he simply knew, and acted accordingly.

As they stand there, he takes a moment to silently assess her—his brown-gold eyes scanning her body for any signs of injury, any marks that might indicate he had been too rough. He fondly lingers on a hickey he had left on her collarbone. His hands smooth her messy hair down, tucking the strands behind her ears. He leans forward, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, his lips lingering for a moment before pulling away, his eyes searching hers.

“I’m bringing you home.” He says, his voice firm, leaving no room for discussion. He takes her hand in his, lacing their fingers together as he leads her out of the classroom, leaving the scent of their passion to linger in the air.

if you’ve read this far, thank you from the bottom of my heart. please feel free to comment any feedback below, and reblog to share with others, if you feel so inclined 🖤 this was my first experience writing smut, pls be kind!!!

[lillaydee]

I'm Right Here Part 9

BFF!Joel Miller / F Reader

Sometimes the person we've been looking for has been right there all along.

@copperhalfcent, @demonsasss, @bergamote-catsandbooks, @peelieblue @liciafonseca @ultra-nina-bella @joelmillerpascal @kirsteng42 @heartpatch @capnjaket

Let me know if you want to be tagged or removed from the tag list

WARNINGS: BFF Joel Miller, Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Angst, Love Triangles, Miscommunication, Past Child Abuse, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel is a Clueless Idiot, Jealousy, Minor Character Death, Implied/Referenced/Supposed Sexual Assault, SEXUAL ASSAULT, SELF HARM, Joel has PTSD

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 8

That first week after you left for Bangkok was a chaotic one. Everyone was on edge. Benny and Eric were questioned over and over again about what happened at the airport. Short of being tied to chairs and having spotlights shone in their eyes, they were effectively interrogated. Why didn’t you stop her? You should’ve begged harder, pleaded for your lives, threatened her, stolen her bag, picked her up and thrown her back into the truck. Anything. You should’ve made her stay.

Anita and Aunt Tina started researching plane tickets. They found out where the branch for the company was and got maps of Bangkok to study, determined to wait for you at the office entrance until you saw sense. It took a lot of convincing from Jake to stop them. The girl just left the country to escape this town. The two of you hounding her like that would only scare her further.

Calls went unanswered. Texts undelivered. Olivia ended up emailing you. You did reply, but it was obvious you were reluctant to communicate. Anita and Aunt Tina immediately took email classes from a young boy living a few houses over, wanting to email you as well. If that’s the only way you were communicating, they were not going to miss out on that. Their earnestness seemed to get to you, and before the week was out, you texted them both with your new number. And soon, everyone was back in contact with you, trying their hardest to get you to reconsider, to come back. Joel needed you, and they knew for a fact that you needed him too.  

***Warning - Sexual Assault***

Joel went back to the house he shared with you after coming back disappointed from the airport, shut the door and did not leave for a week. Didn’t answer his phone, didn’t go to work. He spent that week lying in your bed, mourning you, his face buried in your pillows, trying to get whatever’s left of you to calm himself down with. He tried to do what Olivia did. He tried to email you and later, text you. But the words he tried typing out made his fingers numb, his throat tight.  

How would one apologize for everything he said to you?

He couldn’t get the way you looked at him at the airport out of his head. There was such heaviness in your eyes. Such sadness in them. Your shoulders sagged, as if there was no will left in you to go on. He could feel your grief from afar, even through his tears. The grief for Eddie’s passing. The grief for the loss of your friendship with him – the one connection to Eddie you had left, the one person who knew Eddie as well as you did, if not better. The grief of having to be alone simply to have some semblance of a peace of mind. The knowledge that he put that sadness and grief in your eyes made him feel hopeless for the kind of man he had become. He was angry with himself. This was not him. He hated this version of himself.

He wanted to make it up to you. Go after you. Beg you to give him another chance. Make things right with you. Start a life with you. You’re everything he had ever wanted. But he knew, despite what other people, yourself included thought, he knew he needed help. He just… needed time to process this whole thing. He didn’t know what’s what anymore. He didn’t have the answers to any of the questions in his head.

He felt dirty. Humiliated. Embarrassed. Infected. Contaminated. Gross. Disturbed. Impure.

Weak. Weak. Weak.

How could he have let this happen? He was a man. A horse of a man. Strong. Reliable. Masculine. How could he let a woman like Jen get to him like that? He felt as if he was drowning in a sea of shame and he was doing everything he could to stay afloat but failed. He hung on to you during that time, but found himself losing grip every now and again, images of Jen in his room in his shirt invading his thoughts. He tried so hard to remember what happened. Did he… participate? Did they have sex? He couldn’t even step into his room anymore, not without thinking of Jen and what might have happened in there. Eventually, even looking at the door of his bedroom brought him to that time. His frustrations got bigger and bigger, and it eventually blew up on you.

He had woken up that morning to find you gone. All he could think of was Jen might have done something to you, had gotten to you and hurt you. His hands shook when he saw Jen getting on top of you by the roadside that day. He realized that you were not safe as long as you were with him. Jen would do anything to get you out of his life. Any rationality he might have left flew out the window and he unloaded on you.

You. The one person he needed to feel sane again. The one person he knew could bring him out of the fog he was in. The one person who made him feel safe.

And he said what he said. To you.

He couldn’t even bring himself to tell Tommy what he said to you. He couldn’t even bring himself to face you to say how sorry he was for saying them. He couldn’t even look at your name on his phone.

A week after you’d left, Joel went to bed to find your comforting scent gone from your pillows. He could only smell himself on it. He tossed and turned all night, only managing to fall asleep as the first birds started chirping outside the window.

He started taking measures to sleep then. A few sips here and there a couple of hours before bedtime. And when that didn’t work, a few glasses. Before the second week of you being gone was out, he was half a bottle in before bedtime, and by the third week, he was going through an entire bottle a day, maybe a few pills here and there, just to help him settle for the night.

He dreamt of you one night. You didn’t say anything to him. Just looked at him, tears in your eyes. He woke up feeling as if he had failed you massively. He realized how close he was to losing a grip on reality. He needed to see you. Beg you for forgiveness. Do anything to have you back in his life.

But how? An email seemed futile. A phone call wasn’t enough, much less a text. He needed to see you.

He booked himself a flight to Bangkok. He will go over. See you in person. Get on his knees and beg you to forgive him. He’ll migrate if that’s what it took for you to take him back. Leave this town. Start fresh. With you.

Maybe the miles and the couple of seas between would get him out of the fog that was Jen. Fuck the trial. Fuck the possibility of being a deadbeat dad. Fuck everything else. He will face whatever fallout that comes, he just needed to get things right with you first. Nothing else mattered at this point. You. You were the only one who mattered.

The day before his flight, he couldn’t sleep again. Maybe it was his nerves. Maybe it was his fucked up sleep schedule. Maybe it was the excitement of seeing you again. He took some pills and downed two fingers of whiskey to wash them down with. He fell into a deep sleep, his bags packed and ready to go see you the next day.

You were kissing him. You peppered kisses on his body, from his lips to his crotch. You went down on him. He was floating on air. Your sweet mouth on his tip, your tongue lavishing its attention on him. His body arched from the sensation. You felt incredible. You took him deeper and deeper into your mouth, your fingers scratching his belly as you bobbed up and down on him. He was on top of the world, about to crest when you moaned his name.

Only it wasn’t your voice.

His eyes flew open. He was dreaming. Only it wasn’t a dream. Someone was in the room with him, going down on him. Everything came back to him like a freight train. He switched the light only to find Jen between his legs, her eyes glassy as she stroked his erection, moaning his name.

No. Not again.

He kicked her square in the face. She fell back, unmoving on the floor. He called the cops immediately, Tommy right after, sobbing into the phone.

Tommy, Will and Benny arrived just as the cops did. Jen had regained consciousness, and she was arrested for breaking and entering and assault. She was hysterical, claiming that he had invited her over, that they were just doing what lovers do, only for him to go berserk on her.

She couldn’t prove any of this. There was no phone calls, no texts, and all signs pointed to a breaking and entering. The CCTV footage of her breaking in from his neighbour across the street didn’t help her case. Coupled with the fact that she was due in court for the paternity test in a few weeks, she couldn’t claw her way out of the charges. She was begging for mercy, she’s pregnant, she told them. She was hormonal. He was denying their relationship, she needed him to own up to what he had done. To admit that they were deeply in love. Please, officers, please.

No one listened to her.

Joel honestly thought things would get better. She was in custody. She will be investigated. She could not get to him anymore. Truth will out now, faster than it would have been if they had to wait for their day in court. But he couldn’t get what happened out of his head. He thought what he had been through the past few weeks had been bad, but he had been proven wrong. This was no vague recollection, this was not something he couldn’t remember. This was something that actually happened, something he couldn’t deny. Whatever worries that was plaguing him before came back threefold. Whatever feelings he had about himself, the shame, the self-hatred, all came rushing back, hitting him full on in the face.

He had let it happen again. For real, this time. His self-pity and weakness, his vulnerability and attempts to heal himself without outside help had allowed Jen to take advantage of him, yet again. Whatever resolve he had to go to you, to start over, all disappeared within those few minutes that he woke up to her taking advantage of his weakened state.

***some unintentional self harm coming***

He couldn’t sleep. Every time he closed his eyes Jen was there. His skin was crawling. He could feel her fingers all over his body. He could hear her voice every time there was silence. He couldn’t bring himself to go home to the house he shared with you. The safety of your bedroom was now tainted with Jen too. He crawled into the single mattress he had brought into Tommy’s spare bedroom and locked the rest of the world out, hardly eating, not sleeping, filling his ears with music to stop from hearing Jen’s moans of his name. He washed his penis over and over, trying hard to scrub any essence of Jen left off his member. He repeated this day in and day out, until one day the music stopped drowning Jen’s ghostly moans out. He took a pill to help him sleep, washing it down with cheap whiskey. When that didn’t work, he took another. And then another. And then another.

And then he took some more.

He woke up to his Mom sleeping with her head on his bed at the hospital, her face covered in streaks of tears. Tommy and Jake were talking in low voices, Tommy standing up straight when he noticed his brother awake. Jake gently shook Anita awake, the woman immediately getting up and smothering her oldest son in hugs and kisses, telling him how glad she was that he was okay.

They avoided talking to him about what happened. All he knew was that Tommy found him having a seizure, his mouth foaming. They had to pump his stomach, and he was in mandatory hold at the psych ward, on suicide watch.

“I didn’t try to kill myself, I just wanted to sleep. It was an accident,” he had insisted. No one believed him. He needed to talk to someone, they said. Get help, they said. “No,” he tried again. “I didn’t try to kill myself. I just needed sleep.” “Even so,” Anita had coaxed, “You couldn’t sleep, darling. There was a reason to that. Get help darling. Please.”

It was frustrating. He felt as if everyone was trying to get him to work on their schedule. Their preference. Their needs. Not his. He wasn’t ready. He couldn’t talk about it. It wasn’t time. He couldn’t do it. He needed more time. But no one was listening to him. He nearly died by his own hands, so his opinion didn’t matter.

He couldn’t go back to sleep. They refused to give him anything for it. He had almost overdosed. No narcotics for him. All he needed was sleep. He was sure of it. Tommy called you and tried to get you to talk to him, convince him to get help. He hadn’t slept in days at that point, his mind refusing to shut up. To his horror, he unleashed on you, yet again, even from thousands of miles away, even without speaking directly to you. He had repeated the horrific things he had said to you over a month ago, and you had hung up. He knew there was no going back now. You wouldn’t listen to him now.

Tommy interrogated him after that phone call. Why would he say that out loud, knowing that you could hear him, especially since he was obviously miserable with you being gone? Joel finally told his family what he said to you. They all finally understood why you left, finally agreeing to leave you be, not to try to get you to come back, conceding that you needed time, space, away from Joel.

They finally eased up on him, understanding that he too, needed time. He felt lighter after that. Even managed to get short bursts of sleep, and after a few more days, managed to get them without your teary face haunting his dreams.

A week before he was released, he was allowed to walk freely around the common area, his mind cleared, his body stronger, now that he had gotten some semblance of a rest. He was struggling with opening a packet of chips he had gotten from the vending machine, his frustration evident in his demeanor when a woman took the packet from him and helped him open it.

“Thank you,” he said, embarrassed that he had made a scene over a packet of chips.

“Happens to the best of us,” she had replied. “I couldn’t get the Jello packet open since I’ve been here. I have a stash of it in my side drawer. Care to join me for a Jello party? I figured out how to open them with that plastic spork thing they give us. You can bring your chips,” she offered.

“How many Jellos are we talking?”

“I’ve been here two weeks. There’s more than twenty in there. All kinds of flavours.”

Joel smiled. For the first time since that day Jen came into his living room and announced the news that tore his life apart, he smiled.

“I’m Joel.”

“Annie.”

The stunned silence in your little curtained section of the ER felt like forever. You couldn’t take your eyes off him, but you didn’t want to look. Over the years the others had tried to tell you things about him. But you had always changed the subject. You didn’t want to know. If he was doing poorly, you would feel guilty for running away, and it would break you, so you didn’t want to know. If he was doing well and moving on with his life, you would regret the fact that you ran away, and it would break you, so you didn’t want to know.

What you didn’t expect was to find him 15 years later, married, with a teenage daughter. What you didn’t see coming was that this piece of information didn’t break you.

It crushed you.

How many relationships had you been in over the years? How many attempts at moving on had you taken, only to discover you hadn’t let go of the idea of a happily ever after with him? How many men had you turned down because they reminded you too much of him in one way or another?

Sarah broke the silence.

“She needs surgery, Dad, on her shoulder.”

Joel’s stunned look immediately turned into one of concern.

“Did you dislocate it again? You fell on it?”

Annie, Sarah and Mike all looked at Joel.

“You know each other?” Annie asked.

Joel didn’t hesitate. He nodded. “All my life. Annie, Sarah, this is Daisy.”

Annie and Sarah’s faces lit up, looking at you in excitement.

“Daisy? The Daisy? Daze?” Annie asked.

“You’re Auntie Daze? Oh my God I’ve always wanted to meet you!” Sarah chirped, bouncing a little, coming over to you as if to hug you. Joel stopped her, reminding her that you were hurt. Mike stood up and excused himself, telling you he would come visit when he could. You thanked him for his help, and he quietly left, wanting to give the four of you some privacy.

Before anyone could say anything the nurses came in to take you up. The three stepped outside as they did. You could hear Joel asking the doctor questions about your condition, you could hear Annie talking to someone on the phone. When they drew the curtains back to take you up, Annie came to your side.

“We’re gonna take Sarah home and come back later with the others, okay? Do you need anything?”

She took the plastic bag that was placed by your feet and rooted around for your hotel key card. “I’m gonna go over with Olivia and get your things okay? You don’t worry about a thing.”

It was as if you were in a dream. This woman you had just met just talked to you as if she had known you forever. As if this was a daily occurrence. As if she talked to you every single day.

The woman who married the man you were in love with, the one you spent years to get over.

Sarah came over, “I have to go back. Dad wants me to rest. But I’ll come back and visit with Grandma, okay? Thank you for saving me Auntie Daze,” she said, leaning down to kiss you.

You almost flinched away.

“How old are you Sarah?”

“Fourteen.”

Your eyes found Joel’s. He looked away.

Shit.

Your mind was spinning. You left 15 years ago. Jen was pregnant 15 years ago. Was this…?

You were wheeled off before you could say anything.

Annie sat by your bedside after you came back from surgery. She had come straight back to the hospital after going to your hotel room for your things with Olivia. She had gone back to work, promising to come back after. The family chat was filled with questions about you. How is she doing? Let us know when she’s awake. Can we come visit? Is she allowed visitors today? Let’s give her some space, she might get overwhelmed if everyone comes at once. Let’s take turns. Annie, you can stay with her this evening, right?

She watched you as you slept. She had only met you once, a few hours ago. You were already taken to surgery when she came back. But she felt as if she had known you for 15 years. She knew everything there was to know about you. Joel had never stopped talking about you. She kicked herself for not recognizing you sooner. She had seen pictures of you from all the vacation photos Olivia, Anita, Aunt Tina and Eric had shown her. She had wanted to meet you for the longest time but understood that she couldn’t. She knew that you didn’t want to know anything about Joel, and she was a part of his life.

They kept her and Joel updated about you. She didn’t miss the way Joel’s face lit up every time your name was mentioned, nor the way his rare smile decorated his lips every time he saw pictures of you. She could see he wanted to know more, wanted to ask questions about you, wanted to hear more stories about you, but he didn’t. He never did. So she did it for him. Sarah too, sometimes. The way his entire body relaxed when he heard you were doing great made it all worth it.

She also didn’t miss the way his body tense up every time someone mention you being in a relationship, nor the way he would deliberately make himself scarce whenever pictures of you and said boyfriends were passed around for everyone to see.

She didn’t miss the way his face fell every time your heart got broken either.

She sat by your bedside, waiting patiently for you to wake. She couldn’t wait to properly meet you. The woman she had heard about for the past 15 years. Daisy. Daze. The woman her husband married at age six. The woman he built a treehouse for when he started learning the trade. The woman he pushed away 15 years ago.

The woman who was still the love of her husband, Joel Miller’s life.

Part 10

[ganondoodle]

the closer we get to arcanes finale the more worried i am bc so often .. if not always .. things i like end in a way that i dislike so much it ruins everything else for me

and im so worried they pull a 'this is a multiverse' thing bc then they can say every skin is somehow canon bc its all different universes you seeeeee and jayce went mad bc he lived through all of them or something, or force it to end in a way that makes the champions end up like they are in game- Vi is a shitty cop, Jinx is just heehoo craycray bc xyz etc

[aster-go-brrr]

I AM FOREVER SO ANNOYED ABOUT HOW SIMPLIFIED CYNO GETS WHENEVER HE SHOWS UP THOUGH RAAAGHHHHHGGGH

complex character who always unintentionally intimidates people and tries to use humor to make himself less intimidating? no. he's just bad at jokes now. he's The Bad Pun Man. nothing else just that, every line he says has to be a pun or about tcg. only that

[asgardian--angels]

things I wish I could relive for the first time again:

that magical window where you finish a new piece of media, having watched/read it all by yourself with no fandom contact whatsoever, and you are just so happy about it, and full of interesting theories and takeaways, and just in love with it as a gorgeous piece of art.

because I swear to god as soon as you join the fandom for anything, you're bombarded with how you're supposed to view characters and their arcs, how you're supposed to morally and ethically judge the plot and the ways it apparently failed to present the right message, and if you don't you'll either be shunned for not sharing the popular headcanons or you'll be harassed for not criticizing the source material enough.

like how is it that the fans of a piece of media are also the ones being the most negative about it? If I like a show or a movie or a book, well, I liked it. That's kind of the point. I'm actually not here to tear it apart and talk about how it didn't live up to standards other people had! I enjoyed it for what it was, and forcing myself to find negative things to say about it doesn't actually bring me more enjoyment of it or reap any benefit to me. Fandom's a double-edged sword; you want to join a community to share your love for a piece of art, and the price you pay for a modicum of joy is a mountain of negativity. that's one main reason that I never engage with fandom until I'm completely done with a show, because if I was plugged into all of that commentary and discourse during the process, I'd be completely colored by how I'm expected to interpret everything this piece of art is presenting to me without being able to even form my own opinions.

[oceandiagonale]

Actually, Guzman is his spanish name.

OH YEAH some other folks pointed that out too, makes sense since it's an irl Spanish name (probably why I see it around a lot!) 😳

(normally it's a surname, I've only seen it used as a first name once in a blue moon -- but also in the pokemon world it's pretty clear that naming conventions aren't the same lol)

[okawarihappylife]

i am once again thinking abt the lost potential that is hypmic.

[mortysmith]

rick becomes super into multiversal travel after prime introduces him to it, very hyperfocused on it and the opportunities it presents (like how the gotron episode establishes that rick can get carried away unless someone reels him in). diane might initially be supportive of this but as rick's appearances around the house become more shoddy, she gets fed up and they separate. after a much more complex deterioration of their relationship obviously rick considers this a win at the time, since he's now free to dick around and do whatever he wants, essentially adopts prime's life philosophy and hangs around him. him and prime would eventually have some sort of falling out, which leaves rick extremely bitter and annoyed. he ends up spending most of his life alone, still living by his pop nihilistic ideals because he thinks this is what he wants. eventually he'd still end up squatting in prime's dimension and realizes that he actually Prefers this family life. his infatuation with prime could develop into resentment when he realizes that he essentially robbed rick of a comfortable, idealistic life

[itspileofgoodthings]

adult wins, adult anxieties and fears and frozenness.

[cathymee]

maybe it's to maintain a sense of tension & turmoil that would eventually reach an explosive peak, a sense of tug-of-war, a back-and-forth to hammer home the ideals they want to deliver and for the viewers to chew on, but although these arguments regarding hiroshi & his stance as a man torn between his loyalty for his country & the loyalty for his Filipino friends and lover is of course important, how they write these scenes & the points they present from this week alone is getting too repetitive...? literally the argument scenes from last night & tonight between adelina & hiroshi is basically the same; the ideas were the same, the dynamics were the same: the aggressive, radical adelina, bristling rage and fear over the injustices she's seen thus far, and the cautious, inspiriting hiroshi, all hopefulness and reassurance one moment as a lover, defensiveness and sternness as a japanese soldier in another. this debate will be ever-present ofc, it is one of the series' biggest conflicts, but it is unfortunately so easy to tell when it is a.) being pulled up as a main topic to move the plot along / be a necessary conflict for character development/introspection / be the conflict to deliver the morals & messages the writers want to send to their viewers, or b.) when it is being pulled up only for the drama and filler to pass the time. like watching the characters sit down to argue for 10 minutes, do other things for the plot for 2 minutes, then sit down again to argue for the next 20 minutes. lol.

[autisticlee]

it kind of sucks when all your friends and family, everyone you know, are all pairing off and getting married and havinf families, except you. you're the only one that doesn't have a partner and probably can/will never get one. especially if one around you has time for you anymore, they never reach out, never get back to you, because they're only focused on their partners and families. you're stuck alone and drift away from everyone through no fault of your own. you have no hope of finding your own partner or no motivation to look for one for whatever reason. the lack of connections while seeing everyone around you having their own can get overwhelmingly lonely at times....

[demon-of-the-ancient-world]

Unpopular opinion but I was actually kind of underwhelmed by Dune Messiah? Like I get that the whole intent behind writing it was to show that Paul was Wrong, but I was kind of expecting him to be worse? I think - for me at least - because we don't actually see any of the war and only the aftermath it just hits less. And I know all the guilt and moral struggle and "what have I done" - ness was technically there, it just didn't really resonate as hard as I'd hoped it would. I didn't *dislike* it, it's just funny because from what I've seen a lot of people did dislike it because it shows how dark Paul got, but for me I was like...I kind of wanted you to be worse my guy

[bugdogg]

uhhh something something learn to love yourself dummy

(this is mostly a doodle, i wanted to draw Zuki w their past self for a while now so yayyyy)

[lilaccmilk]

ok but think about….men who get carried away when they kiss you. their breathing gets heavier, grip gets harder, and suddenly they cannot let go of your lips.

Pulling you back into them if you even think about pulling away. Air? Who is she? They kiss you like you’re the last breath of air on earth, kissing you like they’ve been drowning forever, and you’re the first gasp of air breaking through their lungs—a desperate, consuming need.

Their hands roaming over your body, keeping you in place, keeping you agonizingly close. You know that it will bruise, but you don’t mind. How can you when they’re kissing you with such fervor? You try and make some distance, but all you get is a warning nip in your lower lip. But oh, when their hands reach your face, they hold you so tenderly, like you’re a dream they’re afraid to let slip away.

And when it gets too much—their teeth pulling your lips, chasing after you in a guttural groan, you try to pull away. To just breathe, even if it’s for a second. But as soon as you do that they dive back in, pulling you flush against them, almost whimpering, mindless babbles.

“no no, no. pretty you don’t get to do that, don’t go away. come back here. i’m so, so fucking lucky to have you. so sweet, you’re so sweet for me.”

And then they finally pull away, a saccharine string of saliva connecting your lips to theirs. It’s honestly filthy, but all you can think about is breathing, and you’re breathing them in, their scent clouding your senses. Their forehead resting against yours and then they smile. They smile as if they haven’t completely mushed your thoughts.

“I love you, pretty girl.”

──────────────────

Narrow the gap between you and me Our breath briefly touches, true up Faster in this sweet space- Taste // Lee Know, Felix, Hyunjin

Yuji Itadori, Yuta Okkotsu, Satoru Gojo, Rafayel & Sylus (L&DS), Ken Sato + your favs!

also: merman boyfriend (because duh.)