#it makes for a very interesting and very difficult game of sorts between the two of you

[inkykeiji]

touya-nii is so jealous of everythingggg and you do such a good job writing it!!!! he also seems so needy >,<

aw hehe thank you so much!!! (ㅅ´ ˘ `) ♡ yes!! he is extremely jealous, extremely possessive, and extremely obsessive. this gives way to a peculiar type of clinginess; he needs to know where you are at all times, who you’re with, and when you’ll be returning. he wants all of your attention on HIM, yet he can be stingy with his own—he uses it as a currency for good (aka submissive/tightly controlled) behaviour: if you’re obedient, if you do as he says, he’ll reward you with attention in exchange. he uses it as an incentive, to entice you into complacency (which sometimes backfires, since your misbehaviour almost always garners his attention, even if it isn’t good attention). he can also be physically clingy, always needing a part of your body touching his; his hands on your waist or back or neck, your thigh slotted up against his own, tangled fingers a mess in his lap, etc. he just wants all of you, all the time—even when he tells you he doesn’t

[yaut-jaknowit]

Little specific, but an autistic trans-masc reader with vic’tao and uihoy? maybe a little bit of a breeding kink? I think it would be cute with them trying to figure out why their mate keeps making too much or no eye contact at all, keeps suddenly jumping up and down, and what the scars under their chest is

The Eyes are the Window to the Soul

Pairings: Vic'tao (Male Yautja) x Autistic!Trans-Masc!Reader x Uihoy (Male Yautja)

Word Count: 1616

Summary: The two Yautjas are playing their chess-like game with you paying attention. It’s confusing to be honest but you try and its fun to watch them play. When Vic’tao checkmates Uihoy, you jumping excitingly and cheer on the younger Yautja. This is a usual sort for you but Uihoy finally brings up the question. The average ooman’s he’s seen don’t do that. During the entire time, you make direct eye contact with him.

Author Note: Nothing wrong with being specific! I hope I wrote this the way you wanted and didn't step over any lines.

Masterlist

Ao3

On a console in the cockpit, the two Yautjas you’ve grown to learn and love sat in their designated chairs. Serious, thinking expressions were pulled upon their faces. It was cute to be honest. A peaceful smile was etched onto your features as you admired the two.

The yellow Yautja with blue stripes grunted and moved a piece across this game board. Uihoy scoffed and easily countered with his own pawn. A very complicated game of chest that wasn’t all on one board. Parts of the board were vertical and intersecting with other vertical or horizontal pieces.

For the time being, you stood off to the side and watched quietly, learning. It was the smart way to play. Once you learned their tactics, you could join in on their turf. One day, you could possibly even beat them at their own game.

Vic’tao flicked his tongue out then proceeded to swipe off three of Uihoy’s pawns. Your jaw dropped at an incredible move then you jumped excitingly on the balls of your feet. A smug look washed over the yellow Yautja’s face while he looked at his other mate. “The old man can’t learn new tricks,” he snarked and leaned back in his chair, arm resting at a ninety-degree angle. “That such an old play that I bet your ancestors know.”

Despite anger being a normal reaction for Uihoy to fall into. All the purple Yautja did was raised a brow at his Yautja mate. “So, that’s how this going to be? Got one taste of victory and suddenly Vic’tao has gone feral,” Uihoy grunted and rolled his bright eyes. “Like the same way when little hunter allowed for Vic’tao to breed. One taste is all it takes.”

The spit in your throat nearly got sucked down into your lungs. You coughed and stared at the older male in disbelief. He’s become bolder with that statement as evidence.

A snarky look was thrown your way from Uihoy as he played his turn. Yet, it didn’t even steal any of his pawns back nor any of Vic’tao’s. A useless play in your mind.

More rounds of swapping plays and pawn alike occurred over the course of another hour. Interested to learn more, you stayed captured into the game. You decided to sit down between them on the ground and watched from below. Either of them attempted to coax you into their lap but the floor won. Neither took offense. If you didn’t want to, you didn’t need to. There was nothing wrong with that.

Somewhere during the game, Vic’tao requested a pause. The two agreed to stop for now. A pout crossed over your features as you watched as Vic left the room.

With the game paused, you shuffled on your knees up to the console and pointed to a spot on the boards. It was a darker spot. “Why is this place darker than the majority of the circles?” you asked then looked over your shoulder at Uihoy, eyes directly staring into his without moving.

Said Yautja scooted until only his butt was on the edge of his chair. “Well, if a pawn lands there, said pawn transforms into a…” he trailed off, mandibles pulling tight to mouth, thinking. Must be a word that was difficult to translate over or might not even have a translated word. It was about one-third of Yautja and English that don’t mix happily together.

He hissed then looked at you a little lost. “Would it be similar to a pawn turning into a queen?” you offered to him, hoping he knew the basics of human chess. “A queen is one of the most powerful figures on the board.” You decided to add that piece of information, so he hopefully understands it.

Uihoy snapped his fingers and pointed at you. “Yes! Practically,” he exclaimed then glanced at the board then back at you. Your eyes still on him, watching with rapture that he found slightly strange. He didn’t understand why you felt the need to look into his eyes whenever you were speaking with him. Same with Vic’tao. He almost had the heart to tell you that’s a challenge in Yautja body language. But, you were only ooman.

At this point, the cockpit doors slid open to reveal Vic’tao returning. Not empty handed though. Three waterskins and a bowl of fruit. Your favorite fruit. You immediately got to your feet and started to bounce with your arms in the air.

The bowl was handed to you with a waterskin. You sat back down on your comfortable spot on the floor and resumed your attention back on the game. Uihoy was given one as well and thanked the yellow male with a soft head bump. Vic returned to his chair and took a sip from his drink, body lax.

Both hunters resumed their game with vigor, ensuring they each didn’t lose ground in this battle. One would capture three pawns only to lose two of their own, vice versa. Then, they were able to steal back their lost pawns.

A give and pull game that could take weeks with two highly skilled players such as these two to finish it.

The fruit you were gracious given slowly disappeared over the course of three hours. Every once in a while, your two mates would sneak one for themselves. You’d playfully crinkle your nose at them when they proceeded with snatched a treat. They’d treat it as a game so they didn’t get caught by you. Like the hunters they are, they were nearly successful each time.

Later, at the end of the day, the three of you were winding down for the night. The usual of brushing teeth, changing of clothes, taking a shower or bath if you felt the need.

With your shirt off as you cleaned your teeth, Vic’tao came up behind you in the reflection of the mirror. His large hands palmed at the side of your ribcage. The much larger figurer leaned down to lick the shell of your ear. You watched him passively through the mirror even as one of his claws ghosted over the two noticeable scars that lined the bottom of your pecs.

You shuttered against Vic and slightly tensed. The male read the room swiftly and let his hands fall from that spot. He tilted his head and looked at you through the reflection before. “What are those scars from? They look purposeful?” he questioned and rubbed his cheek against yours, eyes soft. You had the opportunity to opt out and set up a boundary about that. But he’s one of your mates. Any knowledge you share with him will be kept safe.

Through the mirror, you find his eyes again. “They are from a surgery I had,” you answered at first ominously. You reached behind you for one of his hands and held it close. “I used to have breasts… but I didn’t like them. They didn’t match the body I was meant to have. So, I had them removed.” Your grip on his hand tightened. Vic’tao carded his fingers through yours and returned the gesture.

“Now, I feel more like who I’m supposed to be. I feel… safer, freer. This is the body I was meant to have.”

There wasn’t many who you’ve talked about this with. You could count on one hand all those you’ve told this story to. That includes the medical physicians you were forced to relay this story over and over until you could get this surgery.

Behind you, Uihoy made an appearance and strolled over to the two of you. The purple elder nudged his cheek bone to yours in a soft, loving greeting. You knew he had heard your words as well. Them and their incredible hearing.

“We adore you and whatever you decide to do. We love and care for you no matter what, our little mate,” Vic’tao chittered into your ear, taking words he knows Uihoy would love to say. Uihoy was happy Vic could translate his words for you into proper English. “You are ours, till the end of time, till our hearts stop beating. We will be here for you.”

Your body filled with the need to bounce as you kept direct eye contact, flickering between the two of them. Somehow, you refrained from doing so.

The love the two of them held for you went beyond anything you knew of. Never in your life have you experienced such adoration from anyone. “I’m incredibly lucky to have ever met you guys,” you whispered, careful not break the soft feeling that’s been created.

Uihoy was the first to smile pressed his closed mandibles to your cheek. “Let’s go to bed.” With your free hand, you grabbed Uihoy’s and lead the two of them to the shared bedroom. The same bed you’ve shared countless times before.

Like the giant he is, Vic’tao settled down and took the majority of the space until Uihoy kicked him. Vic grunted and scooted over, still on his back. Both of his arms and legs spread eagle, again, dominating all the room possible. You rolled your eyes and watched as Uihoy curled up to Uihoy. Last but not least, you maneuvered your body between the limited space they offered to you. A perfect place for you to squeeze into on your side, facing Uihoy.

The purple Yautja threw an arm, over you and cuddle you close to his form. You tucked your curled wrist under your chin and snuggled close to Uihoy’s warm body. Vic’tao slithered his closet arm from underneath your curled body and wrapped it as well around your torso. Both Yautja having a firm grasp on you.

[kasagia]

♤ Klaus Mikaelson's Masterlist ♤

~One-shots~

Making her love me

Klaus has a crush on Y/N. She avoided him at all costs. A one-night stand irrevocably changes their lives and forces Y/N to rethink her relationship with the original hybrid.

Be my Valentine

The day of lovers came like a bolt from the blue. You were planning to stay in your house, make yourself a huge pizza, and celebrate another year of being a single, self-sufficient woman. But you forgot that having the original hybrid as a lover-enemy (more like a puppy/wolf madly in love with you) comes with all sorts of surprises.

My (and your) tears ricochet

You and Klaus have a difficult relationship. For 500 years, you bond, break up, and get back together, being both your worst nightmares and your longed-for dreams. But after Lucien bites you and you die in Klaus' arms, the true feelings of your lover come out. And you're as delighted as devastated.

Together (doesn't feel right at all)

After you dump your boyfriend, Stefan Salvatore, for the big bad wolf, Klaus Mikaelson, and move to New Orleans with him, you start to realize his toxic, possessive behavior towards you. But is there still enough time to leave the devil who seduced you and go back to your normal life?

What makes her so special?

You have a gift of attracting any man to you. Everyone who meets you loves you. But the cup of bitterness is overflowing when, in front of Cami's eyes, Klaus begins to fall in love with you. And you do not remain indifferent to the courtship of your sister's handsome friend for long. The question is, can the two of you confess your true feelings to each other before jealous Cami messes things up between you and Klaus?

I'm not the only one

You and Klaus have been together for ages. You swore to each other Always and Forever. You could always rely on him, and the original hybrid trusted you with his plans. But how long can you turn a blind eye to his sudden interest in a certain Caroline Forbes? And after hearing him say the same words to her that practically started your relationship, you realize that maybe after all, you're not the only one for him.

Loved by them two

After your parents (pack leaders) arranged your marriage to Klaus (with whom you accidentally had a one-night stand earlier), you tied your fate irrevocably to the Mikaelsons. Problem? 1. You hate your husband for tricking you into this marriage. 2. His noble brother is too alluring. 3. You find out the hard way that hate, love, and lust are a very explosive mixture. Especially when you add the two Mikaelsons to it.

I wanna be yours

Over the ages, Klaus finally matures to admit that he has fallen in love with you, Katherine Pierce's sister. However, can you two be more than occasional "once in a century" one-night stands? Can he be yours, and you only his?

Cheater on the bridge

You've been sneaking around with Klaus for several months now, cheating on your boyfriend, Stefan. You feel terrible about it, but you're afraid to break up with Stefan because you don't know how he'll react to it. However, Elena finds out about your little affair. And everything goes to hell.

Everybody wants to steal my girl

Klaus (and you) have been struggling with hybrid's jealousy for 1,000 years. It doesn't help that you're stunningly beautiful and that all his enemies want to steal you from him. But Klaus will not let his wife ever leave his side—or worse, lose her feelings for him. Even if he is "slightly" insecure about himself.

~Mini-series~

Our little game

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

You and Klaus have been playing this game between yourselves since your first meeting. One day, you two would fight with each other like dogs, and the next day, you would flirt and act like people completely mad with love. But whatever was between you two, you would never lose this game and admit that you fell for him. He would only use you for your power, right? At least that's what you were telling yourself all this time.

[johnkahner]

Omg, i'm so obsessed with your blog and your fics!!! I made this account just to like and interact with you... Sorry is this weird? ANYWAY, i saw a post about you asking for mk1 ideas to write... What you think about the reader being like one of liu kang chosen is a very talented sorcerer but kinda weird, he wears black all the time, its quiet, gloomy and enjoy ritualistic stuff but the other champions who are close to him find him very likeable, funny and kind and of course hes not evil just awkward.

BUT without anyone noticing he nurtures a massive crush on Tomas and is like really nervous when they interact, Tomas actually enjoy spending time with the reader a lot because of how interestingly weird the reader is... And maybe a mutual crush happening?? I dont know im so sorry for my bad english im so obsessed with this game and Tomas especially!

Also sorry if i'm not doing this right i never had a tumblr before hahaha ok sorry i talk to much

AN: Hi! Sorry this took a while. I'm glad you like the blog! It makes my day to see people interact with it. Your English is fine! I honestly haven't used Tumblr much till I made this account. This was also fun to write. I wrote the reader as male because you used he/him. I hope you enjoy it! Not proof read.

Notes: Male! Sorcerer! Reader

To be honest it was difficult to make friends with the people who were fighting for the protection of Earthrealm. Like the other champions and yourself got along wonderfully. However due to the stigma that sorcerer's had it was sometimes hard for you to get people to trust you. Not to mention your clothing color of choice, black, being most of the time considered an evil color.

Most people thought that you're working alongside the Deadly Alliance as some sort of spy, but that's far from the truth.

One day a Monk from the Wu Shi academy was yelling at you for some reason. You don't know what you supposedly did wrong, but most of the time if something bad happened others would blame you.

During the Monk's shouting the Lin Kuei trio were on their way to discuss something with Lord Liu Kang. Tomas approached closer to the two men to see what was wrong, and to find a solution that could fix things.

He sees you wearing a tired frown. Not a moment later you two connect eyes for a moment. It was different. There was no malice that you could feel coming from him.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"This fool was trying to listen to my conversation with Lord Liu Kang. Yet he insists that he isn’t just like a liar would.”

Looking paranoid not only for the false accusations that the Monk is making towards you, but Tomas is the one coming to your aid. Whenever he was near you, your nerves didn’t know how to act. Tomas smiled at you.

“I believe you are mistaken about my friend. He would never do that. Not to mention it’s not very polite to judge someone based on their appearances.”

The monk would argue with Tomas, but decides it’s better to just leave. Well after sending a glare in your direction.

“T-thank you for y-your help, T-tomas. I g-greatly appreciate it.” You bow a little. You really are grateful that he helped you out. He smiles at you.

“You're welcome, my friend. Would you like to hang out if you’re not busy?”

“O-oh! Sure, that w-would be nice.”

The two of you walk in silence for a moment. Enjoying the scenery around you two. After finding a place to sit down, he would ask you what it’s like to be a sorcerer and about some rituals you would perform sometimes. He wants to know almost everything about you and what interests you. Tomas listens very carefully to how you perk up at his questions, and how you ramble on about the little finer details of your explanations.

What you two don’t know is the mutual feelings that are forming between each other. Maybe one day it would blossom into a beautiful relationship.

[theresattrpgforthat]

THEME: Space and Stars

This week's themes are all loosely categorized under space, from space-westerns, to space-fantasy, to some games entirely within their own genre.

Boar Beasts on A Barbarous Planet, by Z.W. Garth.

Boar Beasts on a Barbarous Planet is a 2-page Push Powered roleplaying game of boarfolk warriors surviving on a planet of swords-and-lasers, covered in hostile biomes and littered with the sci-fi tech of planetary invaders who couldn't cut it in this harsh world. 

Players take on the role of warriors dedicated to protecting their sounder from the many threats that plague them, in this harsh, psychedelic world. 

Push games use an interesting 'push-your-luck' mechanic, in which your can choose to re-roll and add to your roll in order to make a "weak" success stronger - but roll too high, and you meet disaster. In my opinion, it's an SRD that feels a little over-looked in the indie scene.

This game is meant to be brutal and violent, on a world that is difficult to survive. Your characters enter the story battle-scarred, and will leave the story worse, possibly even dead. This looks to be a game that’s full of prompts and roll-tables, so if you like random generation, I recommend checking this one out.

From Out of the Boundless Deep, by Scyllaycs. 

From Out the Boundless Deep is a two-player game about a mech pilot and an engineer working on the starship the Boundless. The game follows the pilot’s dangerous missions off the ship, the engineer’s meaningful repairs onboard the ship, and the brief moments the two meet between missions.

This game has two players, and no set GM. If you want to be a character who’s interacting with a dynamic set of stats and risky endeavours, you can pick up the Pilot. If you like building and modding things to set up the two of you for future challenges, then the Engineer might be more your style. The Game itself is split into two phases: Ship Phase and Mission Phase, with each phase giving the player a chance to shine. A Tarot Deck will be used to provide benefits and drawbacks throughout the course of play.

This is a game where you can really explore the conflict and community between two characters, in a situation where they can’t always communicate in a way they’d like. It doesn't demand an epic storyline but definitely has the space for it. This is also a great game for two people who have different and complimentary styles of play. 

Dead Belt, by A Couple of Drakes. 

Dead Belt is played by building a Belter and taking them out into the Belt to scavenge randomly-generated starships, using things you already have laying around: a six-sided die, a deck of common playing cards, and a few tokens of whatever sort happen to be close at hand.

With a dozen unique ship deck plans, over 100 flavorful prompts, and plenty of character stats to help you avert certain death, no two ships will ever feel the same. You’ll board these derelict starships, navigate barriers, dodge threats, monitor your air-supply, and salvage as you go.

You’ll deal with all the dangers lurking onboard these starships, push your luck, and finally return to spend your hard-won booty to secure better equipment, improve your skills, pay down your crippling debt, and hopefully, maybe, eventually set yourself up to live out your dreams far from the Belt.

There are three ways to play this game: Solo, Co-Op and Rivalry. This means that in a two-player game, you can choose to either work together or attempt to sabotage each-other in a race for pay. This game is an homage to Cowboy Bebop and similar Space Westerns, with a lot of tantalizing options designed for duet play.

Vaults of Vaarn, by graculusdroog.

Vaults of Vaarn is a 48-page, black and white tabletop RPG zine, which presents setting information, a full game system, and character creation procedure for adventures in Vaarn, a vast blue desert that lies at the very end of time. The game is built on the chassis of Knaveby Ben Milton, with lightweight rules, speedy character generation, and gameplay that emphasizes creativity and problem-solving on the part of players and referee. 

This game setting feels like a space opera smashed together with acid fantasy, with bright colourful descriptions of strange monsters, NPC’s and locations. It is a dangerous setting that is designed to work with OSR games, primarily Knave but I have a feeling it would be pretty easy to steal ideas from this for other OSR systems as well. If you’re a fan of big space epics like Dune or weird futures like Numenera or Gamma World, this game is probably worth checking out.

If you want to see what the community has created for this setting, I recommend checking out the submissions to the Vaarn Summer Jam of 2022!

Nibiru, by Araukana Media.

Nibiru is a science fiction tabletop roleplaying game, set in a massive space station in a neighbouring solar system. Players take on the role of Vagabonds; people who woke up in the space station with no memories of their past.

Nibiru tackles themes of memory, nature and artificiality through simple mechanics, evocative art and immersive worldbuilding.

This is a game in which you create your character’s backstory as you play, filling in pieces of memory as you explore a space station filled with strange inhabitants and abandoned or deteriorating locations. The way you write about yourself will also fuel your character progression, with rewards for creativity and turning some of your memories into tools that you can use as you play. The setting is unique, evocative, and has a lot of potential to tell a compelling and heart-wrenching story. 

If you want to see a bit of the game in action before buying it, there is a Quickstart Guide available on DriveThruRPG!

Other Space Recommendation Posts

Star Trek (and its sequel)

Space Adventures

Space Westerns

Space Fantasy

[maskofenigma]

ok another fallen london essay-ramble: numbers!!!!!! (im sorry)

so numerology has for a while been a pretty significant part of occult traditions and practices. the concept of attributing supernatural significance to numbers is (if im not mistaken) as old as ancient egypt if not older, but don't quote me on that. also ancient egypt isn't really a single specific civilization so uhm. whatever. anyways the point is that its old and has a storied history and hit 2009 browser game Fallen London has its own interesting number significance that i want to talk about and maybe have some sort of thesis on idk. the recurrent numbers that ill be focusing on are three, four, and seven

four and three are less obvious because they mostly show up from a mechanical standpoint rather than a narrative standpoint. also, when analyzing numbers as potential motifs, lower integers can be difficult as they could just be coincidence. but i want to talk about them anyway and we'll start with three. three occurs in a few places: there are three aesthetic stats (respectable, bizarre, and dreaded), three defensive stats (insubstantial, innerent, and neathproofed), three gender categories, three accomplices allowed in hearts game, three integrated factions, many carousels have three cosmetic or reward options. these all seem to be primarily out of convenience rather than intending to send some sort of clear message, as three is a good number for these sorts of character choices. it has all the simplicity of a binary while allowing for a bit more variance and interplay. gender moment. on the topic of gender, the reason there are three genders is similar; male and female are the predominant gender roles of society, with nonbinary as the catch-all category for anything that doesnt fit those two definitions. i don't need to spell that out but what im trying to say is there being a nonbinary option isn't the product of some strange worldbuilding esoterica or anything it’s just based. most of these are probably just there, though it is important to note that the defenses, which started as just neathproofed, were expanded to three categories. its probably nothing.

where it starts being something is with fallen london's equivalent to dnd alignment, the chessboard colors. the black represents revolution and the liberation, the white signifies the status quo and the red represents self interest. the conflict between liberationists and the judgements is a really significant plotline in fallen london and its associated games, which definitely makes three an important number here. i do think this isnt a case of three being an ultra special number, though, but rather because of the aforementioned benefits of having three categories. even so, we see it here in the lore, and we see it again with the loom in irem. i actually just recently realized that the different kinds of warp you gather in irem correspond to the three chess colors, bombazine warp representing dark and mysterious futures, silken representing peaceful and lawful futures, and sinewy as a catch all for the weirder futures. most of what i said about the chess colors applies here as well, but this is another good example of the number three making its way into the lore. On the topic of irem, the naturalist’s storyline has three distinct endings, so there’s also that

four is a little more purposeful, in my eyes. there are four main stats, four ambitions, four major menaces, four starting areas. these all very likely due to the choice to have four main stats, as each menace roughly corresponds to a stat, and the ambitions and areas correlate to a specific stat. there are also four default ships and four advanced ships, and four options one’s hearts desire (though there are five treasures). one area where the number four was actually pretty significant was the most recent estival, the coilheart games. there were four major events, with four competitors in each round, and the door to the sixth coil had four sigils. within the sixth coil, there were four burdens you could acquire for special rewards and four areas with their own distinct sub areas. most of these also correspond to the four stats, aside from the competitors in each round, but its interesting nonetheless. you could also make note of the four layers of the labyrinth of tigers that have regular access to humans, but that's pretty weak. If i can be timely (because i forgot this when i initially wrote this mess) hallowmas features a total of four masks and masques, but only three are accessible on any given year, so these numbers absolutely cross over. Three and four also overlap with the aforementioned ships: four total ships, but only three are worth having. Only for the default ships tho i love the fruits of the zee ships equally. But i think the most interesting fact about these two numbers, that points to them possibly being intentional to the narrative of fallen london and not just convenient to the mechanics, is that three and four add to seven. speaking of

im going to be honest if you’re a fallen london player then i dont think i need to explain why seven is significant to fallen london. its seven. shes an icon. seven is the number. but ill talk about it anyway it appears everywhere both on its own and as seventy seven and seven hundred seventy seven and seven thousand seven hundred seventy seven and seventy--- anyway. i havent played through smen or sunless skies, so i dont know the full significance of the number seven, but i can speculate about why its so significant (apologies if i get this wrong). seven is the number after six. fascinating i know. but six has a special degree of significance in symbology and esoterica. it s a number thats significant to the abrahamic religions, which are for better or worse foundational to modern european culture; the world is said to have been made in six days, with the seventh day for rest, and humans were made on the sith day. the star of david and the seal of solomon that features an early instance of said star is six pointed. its a multiple of three, and three was very important to the (specifically christian) scholars and theologians of antiquity because of the trinity. and there is, of course, the mark of the beast, another specifically christian symbol, a brand placed upon the heads of the wicked during the end times. moving outside of the spiritual, six is considered a perfect number, and is the atomic number of carbon, the building block of life. these two arent as relevant, but im having fun.

anyway, i feel like itd be redundant to go through even a sample of the instances of seven in fallen london, its literally everywhere. seven cities, seven players of the marvellous, seven coils to the labyrinth of tigers, i think knife and candle had some seven stuff going on, seven seeking candles, etc. its like i said, seven is the number. its neat! Im sure id get further understanding of its significance if i did smen but i dont have the time to rn ill get around to it eventually. Or give up and read the wiki idc

once again im not sure i have a point here, but i do really enjoy the way these numbers recur throughout the game. it gives a special weight to these numbers, gives them a character and significance. i dont see many games use numbers in this way, which is fair; they’re a pretty easy thing to overlook in that regard. but its a factor that, in a small way, helps to give fallen london its unique and odd personality that is so captivating. get it? factor? like math,,,,,,,

Anyway if there isnt one already we need an exceptional story about some weirdo being obsessed with the relationship between four and three. Make it canon. Thats the thesis ok bye lmk if i missed anything <3

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Topsy Turvy Days in Scarabia

What are the chances that the Adeuce combi somehow both ended up picking the same alternate dorm to be in 🤣

Azul voice) You two are downgrades from Jade and Floyd.

The Sorcerer of the Sands, and his Spirit of Mindfulness.

Azul Ashengrotto…

… leaves the Mostro Lounge in Trey’s capable (enough) hands and packs his own bags for the sands! To Azul, this dorm exchange program is just another extended business trip, and he intends to capitalize on every possible moment of it! The seeds he sows today will become fruitful sources of connections, supplies, and revenue for the future. Look at that, he’s already thinking with all the forethought and mindfulness of a Scarabia student!

He’s wise enough to prep in advance for what he knows will be a difficult climate to adjust to. Part of Azul’s luggage contains transition lens glasses (to deal with the sun!), a variety of moisturizers, and a massive water bottle to keep himself hydrated and to slow the loss of moisture in his very delicate merman skin! But no matter how dry or overheated he may get, Azul absolutely refuses to assume his merform or to unceremoniously submerge himself in water in very public places (the fountain, the desert oasis). He’ll stay here in the shade, thank you very much!!

As soon as Azul pulls up to his new dorm, he starts greeting and cozying up to people, bowing, shaking hands, and handing out his business cards like they’re candy. (A good first impression is very important to establish amicable relationships!!) “Please do feel free to get in contact should you ever be in need of assistance,” he insists, sliding his card and a smile over. “I would be more than happy to hear your woes.”

It isn’t long before Azul learns that life in Scarabia is runs at its own pace. Under Kalim’s reign, the students are just kind of allowed to do whatever they want (and though they are intelligent, the lax leadership has not encouraged them to meet their full potentials). Azul seizes the opportunity to take charge of those poor, unfortunate souls, leading study sessions and guiding them through mentally enriching activities (cooking, crushing other at board games, etc). Once the Scarabia students are in his debt, he can call on them for favors 🙃

He’s nosy, so he’ll snoop around Scarabia looking for anything of interest. (If anyone catches him, Azul will explain it away as “just being curious” about the architecture of the dorm. There’s all sorts of things to ogle and make note of, from the unique flora and rich fabrics that adorn the lounge to the ornate lanterns strung overhead and the rare spices lining the kitchen cabinets. The list of things he wants to acquire for the Mostro Lounge grows ever longer…

Azul happens upon Scarabia’s storage room and marvels at all the jewels and other treasures contained within it—but though he admires that enormous wealth, he refrains from taking any of it for himself. That amount of money is something he wants to be able to earn for himself, not shamelessly steal. Goals reaffirmed, Azul sets his sights to a future lined with gold.

He doesn’t intentionally concern himself with babysitting Ace or Deuce, but their paths inevitably cross. Azul has to be the one to tell them off or to get them out of trouble, because if the duo fucks up hard then it makes him, by association as an outsider, look bad. In other words… those meddling kids are getting in his way again!!

Azul not-so-subtly hints that he would like for everyone to put in a good word about him to Kalim and Jamil upon their return. Imagine the benefits Azul could reap if he connected with Kalim’s father, or he could befriend someone as skilled as Jamil!! (Somewhere in Ignihyde, Jamil sneezes.) He sells the idea to Scarabia as “I wish to deepen the bonds between your dorm and Octavinelle!” … and enough of them buy it for him to be satisfied with all the efforts he out into this con investment.

“Fufu. Truly, the cultural differences of the land and the sea are nowhere near as vast as they are between Scarabia and Octavinelle. That is, perhaps, what lends each of us our unique strengths and assets. I have become all the richer for all the knowledge and the connections I have made here. May we forge an ever stronger union between the world above and the world below the depths, so that we may create a whole new world together.”

Ace Trappola…

… is tugged by the ear and forced to sit down for a “chat” with Riddle before he’s let loose in Scarabia. He’s in for a looong lecture about “proper etiquette” and “respecting the legacy of the Sorcerer of the Sands”. Ace just rolls his eyes and goes, “Why do only I have to sit through this and not Deuce?! This is discrimination against ME specifically!!” (There’s a fiery back-and-forth between them, concluding with Ace reassuring his dorm leader Riddle doesn’t need to “worry his own damn head off” about his behavior “cuz I can handle myself just fine!” He’s got to keep one jump ahead of the lawmen—)

… Anyway, Ace then proceeds to live a very hedonistic lifestyle at Scarabia like a stereotypical frat bro or something 🤣 The luxury’s here, so he might as well indulge and enjoy it while he can!! You’ll often find him reclined in a sea of silk cushions, soaking up the sunshine and snacking on whatever is left lying around on their tables.

The opulence kind of goes to his head at a certain point; Ace starts snapping pics of all the cool stuff Scarabia has and posting it on Magicam to flex on his haters followers. Here’s Ace running his hands through piles of gold while he’s literally swimming in it. and here’s Ace sticking his tongue out at the camera while lying on a complicated tapestry. (There are consistent likes from Cater, but also DM requests from Riddle coming in, which Ace promptly ignores.)

With his quick wit and bright personality, he makes quick friends in Scarabia. Ace likes doing character impressions for his new buddies, which are always sure to earn him applause and laughter. His most popular impression at the moment is Jamil (whom Ace knows rather intimately thanks to their many encounters during VDC/SDC training camp and in Basketball Club). “Wow, that’s exactly what Jamil-senpai sounds like!!” the Scarabia students cry out in awe.

Ace parties hard at the banquets (which, in the absence of Jamil, Azul has organized)!! Without all the stuffy rules and regulations of Heartslabyul to keep him down, nothing’s stopping Ace from dancing the night away and eating ‘til he passes out from a food coma! He’s here for a good time, not a long time!

He plays some games with his new dorm members, but doesn’t exactly always do so fairly. While the opponent’s distracted, Ace will get ahead by making an extra move or using sleight of hand to remove an important piece from play. )That’s how he ends up winning so many games of mancala!) When Deuce calls him out on this, Ace just shrugs and tells him, “I’m not cheating! I’m using deliberation, idiot. That makes me an ideal Scarabia student!”

Ace isn’t above pocketing some of the loot from the storage room. He doesn’t try to take as much of it as he can unlike a certain hyena would, but just a few large rubies he thinks he could resell for a good price. (Kalim-senpai won’t mind, right? He’s got tons of these, he’s probably hand me a whole sack of ‘em if I asked! Ace reasons with himself. Besides, I don’t have enough spending money for myself this week! I should just do this now while Jamil-senpai’s not around.)

When you think that’s the worst of the antics he gets up to… think again! Late in the evenings, once everyone else has gone to sleep, Ace sneaks out and steals the magic carpet for a starry joyride! He soars, tumbles, and freewheels through and endless diamond sky, in a whole new world way up in the clouds. It is here where he feels the most free—free from the rules, from the expectations, free from the inhibitions, free from everything.

“Man, Scarabia’s awesome!! I can basically do and say whatever I want, there’s no Riddle ryocho breathing down my neck… This is definitely right up my alley!! … I say that, but Heartslabyul’s got a heck of a lot going for it too. I guess in the end there’s no place like ‘home’, huh? N-Not that I miss Heartslabyul or anything, like I’d miss that place and its teapot tyrant!!”

Deuce Spade…

… is all fired up for Scarabia!! He’s been doing a ton of self-reflection lately, and he knows that an area of weakness for him is stopping to think before he acts. What better way to work on that then immersing himself in a dorm teeming with mindful students? Maybe some of their smarts will rub off on him!!

Deuce appreciates that Scarabia’s uniform allows for liberal movement. He’s also pretty fond of the flames on his new hotpants; he thinks they’re super cool, and they remind him of how used to dress as a delinquent. “It’d look even more cool if we added skulls! Can I add some patches to my uniform?” he asks, earning stares from Ace (”Dude, how edgy are you?!” and Azul (”I would refrain from tailoring your borrowed uniform, Deuce-san. That is a privilege reserved for dorm leaders.”).

Without their Heartslabyul senpai to keep an eye on them, Deuce vows to keep his fellow first year under control! (That’s what an honor student would do!) Unfortunately for Deuce, that more often than not leads to bickering, and then him getting roped into Ace’s shenanigans rather than stopping them… like the time Deuce stepped on the magic carpet while trying to yoink it out of Ace’s hands, spooking it and sending it shooting out of the window with both of the boys clinging onto it!! (“You’re just as guilty as I am now, so don’t tell a soul or we’ll both be busted!!” Ace hisses at him. “You’re the one that hijacked Asim-senpai’s stuff though!!” Deuce shoots back. “Go and apologize to him right now!!” The magic carpet wonders if all Heartslabyul kids are like this.)

The menagerie of animals kept at Scarabia (mostly on account of Kalim) is huge. Deuce becomes particularly enthralled by the exotic birds, though he can’t keep any of their names straight so he just calls them different kinds of variants of chicken. (”They can’t ALL be chickens, Loosey Deucey!” Ace sighs, bonking him on the head.)

He defers to Azul’s authority, since he’s a dorm leader and their upperclassman! Sure, Azul kind of has a shady record, but Deuce decides to place his trust in him regardless. He believes that if he’s making an honest effort to change, then so can Azul–and everyone deserves a second chance, right? The merman finds Deuce’s naivete childish yet oddly charming, for it is his willingness to forgive that reminds him so much of Kalim in the aftermath of Jamil’s… incident. He’s not wrong, Azul muses. People are capable of change. Even a diamond can be found in the rough.

Deuce takes the time to keep up with his training for Track and Field Club even in a whole new dorm! You’ll find him sprinting around the perimeter of Scarabia, occasionally trekking all the way out to the desert oasis on particularly rigorous workouts. (It’s a challenge since the sands interfere with his speed!) Once his routine is done, he’ll dunk his whole head in a fountain or in the oasis waters to refresh himself!!

There are times when he makes his way to the oasis when he’s frustrated or needs some alone time. It’s the next closest thing to the ocean, and the only body of water big enough for him to shout to. He’ll vent about his inadequacies and the difficulties of catching up to those who are naturally talented–but once he has laid out all of his feelings, Deuce feels much better, and ready to tackle the next day at full throttle!

He becomes absolutely fascinated by the idea of astrology and divinations (areas which students of Scarabia often excel in). Deuce asks for them to tell his fortune or to see into the future using the stars!! … His stares of anticipation are so intense that the Scarabia students feel awkward while they go through the process–but once Deuce has his reading, whether it’s good or bad, he gets even more motivated to do his best. Affirming a good prediction or turning over a bad one–that power’s up to him and him alone to wield!

“The more I see of Scarabia, the more I realize how much there’s still left for me to learn. I didn’t know there was food so spicy it makes you feel like your tongue fell off, or that stars could be so bright up close. I thought I was a chick before, but I was wrong! I’m still barely hatched from my egg! So… I’ll use the time I have left here to learn everything I can. I’ll go back to Heartslabyul a better man than I was yesterday!”

[duhragonball]

Just out of curiosity, who was your favorite character in part 1 of Chainsaw Man?

I'm gonna go with Makima, since she's basically the straw that stirs the drink.

I think the main problem with CSM part 1 is that a lot of the main cast is sort of just... there. A lot of Denji's coworkers will show up, do a few things, and then get massacred. The ones that stick around for a while can be difficult to keep track of. Even some of the cooler villains just sort of fizzle out as the plot passes them by. Part 2 might improve upon this. As I understand it, some Part 1 folks do come back for Part 2, so that seems like a good sign.

But as far as Part 1 goes, it's really just Denji and Makima. Everything else is just window dressing, diversions that get eliminated one by one as the plot reveals that it was only ever about Denji and Makima and no one else. I'm not saying Power and the rest were bad characters, but you could swap out any of them with others and the story isn't affected much.

Part of the reason I read CSM was because I was intrigued by the Makima design. I'd see images of this lady in fan art or cosplay or whatever, and she looks fairly ordinary except for the hypno eye thing. It's a great design, one that draws my attention and makes me wonder what her deal is. And when I read the comic to find out, the answer is complex and interesting enough to satisfy my curiosity.

These days I've been going through my comic book collection, trying to read old books that I've bought but never actually read, and a lot of them aren't that great. I'm currently in the middle of Showcase, a DC Comics anthology book that ran from 1993 to 1996. Some of the features are good, but most of them aren't, because they star forgettable characters in short, formulaic stories. This week I've read three different tales where a hero in a slump gets a kick in the pants. Aqualad assumes the new identity Tempest, the Golden Age Green Lantern becomes Sentinel, and Arion... well, I think he keeps his name, but he stops moping around a deli and decides to get back in the game. And all three of these tales involve the heroes regaining their resolve thanks to the manipulations of a wizard.

As it turns out, I think the Showcase series probably wasn't the best way to present all these minor super-heroes, because all it does is expose just how trite and boring their stories are. Worse, by sandwiching them between two other superhero features, you just expose how same-y they all are. No one seemed too concerned about making these characters stand out.

Well, I guess that's why I was eager to read Chainsaw Man but I left so many unread comics gather proverbial dust for so long. If it was just Denji carving up bad guys with his chainsaw head, it'd get old really fast. Makima added a counterbalance to the story that made the whole thing work. Somewhere along the way you begin to realize how insidious this all is, and yet Denji's way too simple a hero to fix it, so what can he do? And yet it all works out in a very satisfying way. Makima may have manipulated everyone else, but I got what I wanted out of her.

[vergeltvng]

Thanks for reading my guidelines. I go by the mun-alias Midnight (she/they), early millennial, living in the CET timezone. English is my second language. My activity level is medium to low, my reply speed is slow, please don’t rush me. I'm still learning about Tumblr rp etiquette and guidelines, please be patient with me. If you see me doing something unusal or weird feel free to correct me at anytime but be respectful about it.

01. GENERAL BLOG INFO. Besides being a roleplayer I am also a hobby gif maker, therefore personal blogs are welcome to interact with my posts. Basic Tumblr etiquette applies: Don't steal, repost or edit my gifs. If you want to insert a single gif into one of your posts please use the gif search function. If you are a personal blog make sure you don't reblog or comment on rp content which includes tag games, writing examples, headcanons, threads and answered asks. Speaking of asks: I will generally react in-character whenever possible but I am not an IC ask blog.

02. DISCLAIMER AND CONTENT WARNING. To interact with me, you have to be 18+ (personals and rp blogs, mun and muse). I am not affiliated with The Boys, its creators or the actor Karl Urban and I don't own the character Billy Butcher. I claim ownership of my own written headcanons and texts only. The Boys is an R-rated series and this is a general trigger warning for mature content such as — strong language, graphic violence and gore, physical and mental abuse, mention of sa, mention of child abuse, alcohol addiction, mental illness, terminal illness, trauma, sexual content, weapons, drug use, political and social commentary, sick humour, satire and overall rude behaviour which can be expected from this muse.

03. MUN ≠ MUSE. It should go without saying but at the same time cannot be stressed enough. This is a morally grey/villainous character. If you are easily offended we're likely not matching well as writing partners. Butcher can be tremendously rude and aggressive, he swears excessively and is quick to insult your muse if he dislikes them or feels provoked. Make sure beforehand that you can handle interacting with such a muse and do not take anything from him personal or too serious. If we started interacting and, for any reason, you feel discomfort please communicate it. I’m always willing to take a step back and sort things out.

04. INTERACTIONS. Best way to interact with me is novel-style written text from the get-go. It doesn't have to be long, it's just way easier for me to reply to than ic talk. I usually drop smalltalk after one or two messages or won't reply at all, I'm sorry. For long-term text exchanges I prefer sideblogs over Google Docs since I'm not familiar with the latter (I'm willing to learn though if that's your preferred option). I'm also very open and curious to try threads, I'd love to have some writing on my blog. Feel free to hit me up if you're interested and are comfortable with doing any sorts of public threads.

05. WRITING. No godmodding, power play or meta gaming. I also don't like forcing or rushing certain dynamics that don't feel like natural character progression. Plotting beforehand is welcome but not mandatory. If it ever feels like being stuck we can pause the writing and have a small plotting session between scenes or even for the same scene. I am a big fan of the "yes, and" approach, give me something to work with. I don't have an estimated length for texts, it always depends.

06. FORMATTING. I don't do a lot of formatting. I have an icon border and prefer small font, my writing is usually continuous text with no line breaks for dialogue. Let me know if this is difficult to read for you and I will adjust, no questions asked. Generally, feel free to format your text as you wish but here are some things I have issues with: Excessive spacing between words (triple space and higher), excessive bolding or italicizing to a point where it distracts me; all caps, text from font generators (captions and highlighted phrases are perfectly fine but I can't read a whole text in those fonts).

07. SHIPPING. I'm multiship and multiverse, meaning every ship takes place in its own verse if not communicated otherwise. I personally enjoy shipping a lot if there's good chemistry but Butcher is difficult to ship and due to his background pretty much unavailable for romantic bonding. It's not impossible though. I'm also interested in any setting where I get a chance to write him as an unhinged villain and diverge from the canon more liberately.

08. FOLLOWING. My approach to curating my dashboard is quite different, I would say, compared to what's considered standard. I follow a lot, and I mean a shitton, of people (4500+ blogs as of August 2024). I follow every blog out of interest and curiousity but please understand that it's impossible for me to interact with everyone. Don't get offended or take it personal when I follow but forget to reach out and also never feel obligated to follow me back. If you softblocked me in the past and I refollow you it's accidentially. Please hardblock me if you don't want that to happen again, I won't take it personal.

09. ACTIVITY. My blog is labeled low activity for a reason. Yes, I am here for rp, but I like to do lots of other things on Tumblr, too. There's periods of time where I don't have the energy to work on drafts or talk to anyone. Rest assured that you never did anything wrong when I disappear for a while. What I'm not willing to do is constantly giving activity updates on a schedule. I might make a post on current stats occasionally and if I go on hiatus for longer I will highly likely make a post about it.

10. DON'T BE A CUNT. I have zero tolerance for homophobia, transphobia, racism, ableism, sexism, hateful comments in general, out of character drama, gossiping, constant negativity, passive aggressiveness, vague posting, guilt tripping, gaslighting and other similar behaviour. Just be a decent person and we're fine.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

What *are* your more-specific thoughts about what might've happened with regards to Dazai before Mori met him/Dazai and the old boss? Your tags in that timeline post intrigued me.

Oh, thank you! And hello!

Hmm, well I'll say one thing straight up: I don't have much in the way of specifics. I'm the kind of person who finds it really difficult to make theories in the absence of hard evidence (I've gotten that beaten into my skull from my time in the sciences haha...).

Having said that, there are three ideas I have about Dazai's life before meeting Mori: one which is more headcanon than anything but that I believe at least partially resolves some of the contradictions I mentioned earlier and two which are vague but I really think have to be true.

#1: Dazai is the son of wealthy mafia benefactors who was later taken in by the old boss.

This is the more headcanon-y one but it makes a degree of sense to me. If Dazai was the child of the old boss then he would've been involved more directly in mafia business but he wasn't. Fifteen implies he wasn't even around death all that much, which is likely why the old boss's death provoked such a darkening of his eye and why he thanked the GSS soldier for allowing him to witness his death. If he was the child of benefactors, he may have met the old boss and some of the higher ups, and they might've known who he was - he'd be someone relatively trustworthy without any direct relation. Also, if his family were wealthy and mafia-affiliated, they would have had to engage in those kinds of high-class social connection games - you know, gracious manipulation, get the right people on your side, never let people see you without a smile, that sort of thing. Dazai, at age 15, was already capable of this. He didn't learn it from Mori; Mori just honed what was already there. It would be interesting as well if something happened to his family, leaving Dazai to wander alone for a bit before getting picked up by the old boss, who maybe recognized him. Then, as the old boss succumbed further to his paranoia, he might've lashed out at him, he might've been behaviourally unpredictable, he might've decided young Dazai was the only one he could trust... it's hard to say. No matter what happened between them, there must've been some fondness - Dazai is notably more wary than angry or scared when the old boss attacks him in the fight against Rimbaud and then there's what Hirotsu said about Dazai understanding what Mori did - but also something happened between them or adjacent to them to make Dazai slip further into despair, enough that he tried to die multiple times.

#2: Dazai's ability and suicide attempts were triggered by a constant and inescapable lack of control.

Ok, so I don't have a lot of specifics for this one but I really think it must be true by necessity of his characterization. It's implied that abilities have triggers, which is interesting because it ties into that "abilities are trauma responses" theory I've seen around. For Dazai's to negate abilities - a defensive skill that negates often unfair advantages - it really makes me believe that he developed it because he had no power. Maybe there were lots of skill users around him. Maybe they hurt him and he couldn't get away. This is all hypothetical but the point is that constant and inescapable pain leads to what's called learned helplessness.

Learned helplessness is a behaviour that occurs when an individual is repeatedly subjected to something harsh or unpleasant with no means of making it stop - they have no control over when and how long they will be harmed. Eventually, even if you give them an out, they likely won't take it, because they have internalized the belief of "why bother? i can't control what happens to me anyways." It's one of the underpinnings of major depression and c-PTSD.

I find it very interesting that Dazai apparently took no action of his own asides from trying to end his own life until Mori showed up and gave him an out - perhaps that's part of the reason Dazai remained loyal to Mori until he chose to sacrifice Odasaku. I heavily believe Mori, like always, was the preferable alternative to an already horrible situation. I've commented before on how Dazai is not proactive and has to be pushed into doing things. Much of the time, he doesn't seem to see a point to it. Either that, or he's actually got the whole situation under his control already, which ties into the main reason I think he came from this kind of powerless background - he's a huge control freak.

It starts with Mori. Dazai realizes he can threaten Mori into being afraid of him and it works. Then he tries to control Chuuya. That didn't go so well. Very annoying. Also a little bit threatening to him. He continues to try and one-up the guy. He did manage to manipulate the Sheep and then scare other members of the Mafia into fearing him. Good. He is in control. Then he honed his mind under Mori, so that he's always a step ahead. What's more, he already knew how to slap on a smile so everyone thinks he knows more than them even when he might not. He maintains this underlying control not just in his mafia days but also with the agency, which is, in my opinion, one of his major flaws that holds him back from developing as a person.

Thing is, if Dazai just liked feeling superior to others, I would expect his reaction towards being waylaid to be more anger-based. Sure, he can get irritated, but what we typically see more prominently is actually a flash of shock, desperation or fear - think of the Q chapter (shouting and racing back to intercept Atsushi as quickly as he could), 55 Minutes (his shocked and uncoordinated attempt to lash out after being stabbed), Fifteen (his expression at finding out Arahabaki's identity) - before he schools himself back under control. It comes across less as a desire for control and more of a pathological need for it - I wouldn't expect to see this reaction in someone who had control when they were younger.

As an addendum, it's also good to note that Dazai seems to be disgusted and feel more hatred (actually rare to see open expressions of these from him) for people who control others in some way - Fyodor, Q. Moreover, his respect for Chuuya, someone who similarly comes from a background of a lack of personal agency, is to openly offer him a choice in the form of a question. It's more than just performative; he really did try to come up with backup plans so that if Chuuya legitimately wanted an out, he could have it. When you draw the through lines, I think this makes sense.

#3: Dazai was an emotionally neglected child.

Alright, this is the last one and I'll try to be more brief about it. I mentioned that Dazai had to have picked up his ability to read the room and "sweet-talk" people into telling him things long before he met Mori, but I should also note that genuine matters of the heart seem to be incredibly foreign to him - as an example, his inability to understand how Rimbaud's concern for his partner could be such a powerful motivator for his actions. The answer to this is, of course, that one is fake niceties and the other is real connection. Dazai, being hyper-intelligent, likely picked up on social fakery from a young age but did not have the offset of real concern for his feelings or well-being as a necessary balance. It's interesting because Dazai is actually very skilled at picking up on other's feelings and dispositions even if he doesn't necessarily get it - his blind spot is actually his own feelings and how other people relate to him.

Emotional neglect is characterized by the absence of caregiver interactions in nurture, connection and response to distress. The caregiver consistently responds to the child's emotions by ignoring, dismissing or demeaning them, which leads the child to withdraw and believe their feelings are wrong and unimportant. They often struggle with relationships because they feel chronically disconnected, isolated and misunderstood.

Signs and symptoms of neglect include:

Low self-esteem

Odd emotional responses and poor regulation

An inability to ask for or accept support from others

A lack of language for describing feelings

Dissociation and "shutting-down" (lack of emotional responsivity)

Distrust of others

Persistent feelings of loneliness, guilt, and shame

Purposeful sabotaging of relationships in order to avoid rejection and hurt

It is also highly associated with anxiety, dissociative disorders, depressive disorders and c-PTSD. Um. Yeah. I don't think I really need to explain too much here.

Whenever Dazai attempts to be more sincere, it typically comes out kind of awkward. He stumbles over his offer to Rimbaud of fulfilling any last wishes or favours as he lays dying in Fifteen, awkwardly asks if him and Odasaku will meet again in Day I Picked Up Dazai, and hesitates trying to find the right words to reveal the truth to Chuuya about the resetting of his code on activation of Corruption in Stormbringer. It's like he has no frame of reference for how he should act or feel. In these cases, it legitimately comes across as him just not knowing.

More than that, Dazai is very... clingy. Like. When he gets to know someone he needs to invade their space. He needs so much attention. He pokes and prods at Chuuya incessantly. He rambles away to and is always in Oda and Ango's personal space. He annoys Kunikida to no end and is ridiculously happy when the man snaps and attacks him. Pops up behind Atsushi and generally gets in his space. Needs to cause some ruckus daily and have people react to it. Yeah. It's comedic in the context of the series but also... you know... you know.

In summary, I like theories that focus on Dazai as a human being with trauma. While I've seen some cool ones that wonder if he is not human or if he's connected to The Book, they don't sit right with me since I think his arc is all about realizing he is, in fact, human, and the ways in which trauma can mess you up and make you feel like an alien or a ghost or something inhumanly monstrous when you are not.

Dazai's consistent failures to live up to his own and others' standards of humanity become a lot more meaningful to me when he is... just a very screwed up guy who happens to be smart. Get what I mean?

Besides, The Book is already connected to a character here and that character is Atsushi!

I was not more brief about this... Oh well. Those are my thoughts. If you guys had the patience to read this whole thing - WOW! I'd love to know what you think!

Thank you for the question!

[9leaguesofmirrors]

How It Feels To Hate (a Ross Gaines x Joseph Lisgoe fanfic)

I don't know if this will ever see the light of day but, if you're reading this, that means it has and I've lost the small amount of shame I was clinging onto. Mad respect to smut-writers, because this was difficult!

WARNINGS: Hate-sex, knife play, very light choking/breath play

Ross Gaines and Joseph Lisgoe despised each other, it was obvious from a mile off. In the rare moments the two of them were together there was calm chaos, like two electrodes coming together to create a spark that threatened to set them both alight

Yes, they really did despise each other

Which is why Lisgoe hated the fact that Ross would continuously fall behind on his debts, forcing him to take time out of his day to sort it out

"What the fuck," he emphasised the question by pushing Ross hard against the door as it shut behind him "is your problem?"

"Not even a hello? What a shame."

That's another thing he hated, the fact that Ross seemed to take great pleasure in being a smarmy prick. Especially so, since his wit was quick enough to prove a challenge

"Why do you insist on making my life difficult? My freetime gets pissed down the drain because you'd rather play silly buggers!"

"You don't have to come, surely your subordinates could take over. Maybe not the fat one, but that tall man could easily take your place."

Ross expected the silence to follow, and the hard glare Lisgoe frequently gave him. What he didn't expect was the patronising smile it ended up contorting into

"Something tells me you wouldn't be too fond of that."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not stupid, Ross. You're not the kind of person to forget their debts this many times," as Lisgoe spoke, his voice became more condescending, hands on his hips "you're usually so good."

Ross hated the way that tone made his stomach turn, in a way that he couldn't equate to sickness. It was the type of turn that settled deep within up, his lower stomach... and somewhere else below. For a split second, he moved his head away and suddenly felt his chin being grabbed and tugged back with such force it almost knocked his glasses off

"Fucking look at me when I'm talking to you."

"I tend to tune out of conversations that bore me."

There was something about Ross' eyes that gave Lisgoe the creeps. They were blue, but reminded him less of skies and oceans, and more of ice. Yes, they struck through him like icicles and he hated the fact he couldn't pull away

"You have no fucking idea," Lisgoe tightened his grip on Ross' chin, stepping closer in a sharp movement "how much I fantasise about dragging a knife across your chest."

"Fantasize?" Ross repeated, looking him up and down with a glint in his eyes "What an interesting word."

"What that means," his hand moved from Ross' chin and wrapped slowly, almost teasingly, around his throat "is that nothing brings me more satisfaction than imagining every single way I could hurt you."

Ross hated the way his pelvis dropped when he heard that

"You wouldn't do that." He showed no signs of being affected, keeping his face as neutral as possible

It was the exact face that pissed Lisgoe off

"Is that right?" He replied in a half-whisper, pressing gently against Ross's neck "And why's that?"

There was something oddly amusing in all of this. Toeing the line, hatred boiling into something else. Something that rested deep within both of them, and this was all part of the game. How long before the fire started?

"Because," Ross' voice came out hoarse, but didn't lose it's smugness "I don't think you hate me half as much as you claim to."

He managed to move his knee between Lisgoe's legs, taking the breathy groan that slipped up from the bottom of his throat as a small win

"I think you're full of fucking shite." Came the retort "I hate you just as much as you hate me."

"Then show me."

That wasn't what Lisgoe expected to hear

Hell, it wasn't what Ross expected to say!

"Show you what?"

Regardless of the unexpected demand, Ross kept his demeanour calm and collected

"You talk a lot about the pain you want to inflict on me, but you're yet to actually do anything about it. It's not as if I don't have plenty of knives for you to play with, but if you don't have the guts-"

"Cut the shite, what are you on about?"

"Show me how much you hate me."

Lisgoe's jaw tightened, considering where this could go. If he were more collected, perhaps more logical, he'd have thought about how this would further complicate whatever strange relationship they had

But Lisgoe was never good with logic

"Right." His lips were brushing against Ross' ear, murmuring into it "This is what's gonna happen. I'm heading for the kitchen, you're can either wait here or leave. I don't give a fuck what you do but, if you decide to run off, god help your sorry arse when I find you."

As soon as he felt Ross nodding slightly, he was off

Ross knew he'd be in deep if he left, but then again, he didn't really care. It's my house, he reminded himself and he invited himself here. I can do what I like, who does he think he is? With that, he took his keys off the hook beside the door and left. Part of him wondered whether he should lock Lisgoe in to teach him a lesson, put him under citizen's arrest, but he quickly decided against it. He hated him, why would he want him in his house for that long?

So Lisgoe came back to nobody

"That bastard!" He snapped, fully prepared to turn the whole house apart before he noticed the unlocked door, which he swung open and stormed right out of

"Come out, you fucker..." he muttered to himself, making his way to the back of the house - where he saw Ross at the other end checking, presumably, for him

Wasting no time, he darted over and grabbed him by the back of the neck, pulling him into an iron grip. His torso was pressed against Ross' back and he had a knife under his chin

"I just want to talk." His voice was unnervingly soft as his eyes trailed the length of Ross' throat, meeting his eyes with a hard stare "Why do you have to piss about?"

"You're talking way too much, it's like you're overcompensating for-"

Ross was cut short by teeth running up his neck and his shirt being unbuttoned. Before he knew it, his back was slammed into the brick wall behind him. Despite the growing feeling of heat through his body, his face was unmoving

"As I was saying, it's like you're overcompensating. You're stalling." At this point, his face contorted into one of cold arrogance as he leaned towards Lisgoe, peering at him "You're scared."

"Scared, am I?" Was the response, in that dangerously soft tone "You have a lot of fucking nerve." He took his hand to Ross' throat, using it to push his against the wall again

The cold tip of the knife met Ross' lower stomach, but in a way which showcased a rare gentleness. It hovered slowly up his torso, barely touching his skin, and sent a sensation which caused him to lean his head back and sigh. It wasn't long before he could feel the bladed edge at the side of his neck

Each stared at the other. Eyes fixated, as if neither was able to move in that moment. Perhaps they didn't want to. There was something electric which had somehow become magnetic

They hated each other, but they didn't hate this

All at once, Lisgoe's mouth was on Ross' and his other hand was following the path his knife had taken, this time moving down the body until it reached his belt and-

Ross' right hand was shielding the buckle. He broke the kiss and stared at him with a cold expression, as if he wasn't being held at knife-point

"The fuck are you doing?" Rasped an impatient Lisgoe "If you didn't want it you should've said-"

"I do."

Lisgoe lowered the knife in his confusion

"I want this, but I'm not sure you do."

"What the fu- I'm the one that fucking started it!"

"And I'm not convinced by you. At all."

"OK? What am I meant to do about that?"

"Beg me."

That caught Lisgoe completely offguard and he moved back slightly. Once the shock had melted away, he couldn't help but laugh

"You're taking the piss, me? Begging you?" He brandished the knife in front of his face "I don't need to beg you for anything."

"I'm the one that's put in most of the work," Ross shrugged, as if he were discussing business plans with a colleague "you just waved a knife around and got a little violent." He pushed the knife away with a look of superiority "If you really want it, convince me."

Lisgoe's smirk melted into a sneer as he grabbed Ross' right wrist

"We both know I could rip your hand off if I wanted to."

"But you won't, because that's boring."

"If you don't shut your mouth, I'll leave you high and dry."

"You won't do that either."

Ross' eyes showed no signs of intimidation, and it was pissing Lisgoe off. To ask such a thing of him with such little shame, it was unheard of. The worst part was that he couldn't say he disliked the push-back

He moved closer, one hand gripping at Ross' wrist and the other grabbing the collar of his open shirt. He was close enough for his mouth to brush against his neck

"You're a thick bastard if you don't think I want this." He muttered sharply, running the flat surface of the knife down his throat "So cut the shite and just..." by the time he reached his collarbone, he felt something in him slipping and he let his hand rest over Ross' right hand "Please Ross, put me out of my fucking misery."

A smarmy remark brewed in Ross' head, but ultimately died there when his brain realised just how nice it sounded to hear the slight hint of Lisgoe's need slipping into what was clearly meant to sound like a demand. He moved his hand away from his belt, felt a hand move down his trousers, and everything blurred. It was just heat, friction and breath. Lisgoe's mouth pressed hard on Ross' and their heavy breaths syncronised in a way that made them both light-headed, breathing in each other's exhales until they were both pleasurably dizzy. It was like, if Ross didn't dig his nails hard into Lisgoe's back (which tore out someone quite nice from the pit of his throat), he'd end up falling. Clearly, this was a shared feeling; as Lisgoe had dropped the knife and his free hand was against Ross's jaw, his fingers gripping the back of his head like an anchor

As soon as Ross ripped his head away for air, Lisgoe took the opportunity to go for Ross' neck, but was stopped

"Work tomorrow." He panted, leaning his head back against the wall "I don't feel like explaining it to them."

"Would make you more interesting."

Ross retaliated by moving the collar of Lisgoe's shirt down and biting, hard, at his shoulder. The sound that followed send shivers through Ross' whole body and resulted in him being grabbed by the throat and held there as Lisgoe's hand pumped faster. The bitemark was prevalent, even now, despite the top of the tattoo sleeve on the man's arm

"Suits you." He breathed out

Lisgoe didn't respond, he was too busy watching every movement on Ross' face. He was trying to keep composed, it was obvious by the way his jaw clenched, showing all his teeth. And the way, every so often, he'd bite down on his lower lip to muffle any sound that might come out. He leaned in close, his breathing heavy against Ross' ear

"Next time, I'm marking you."

"Next time?" Ross raised an eyebrow, somehow not losing his smugness despite what was happening "I thought you hated me."

"And?"

"Why would there be a next time?"

This got a breathy, slightly gutteral, laugh from Lisgoe and he pressed a kiss to Ross' mouth, pulling his lower lip between his teeth

"Let's not be fucking stupid."

A/N: DONE IT'S DONE! I hope you all saw that because I will NOT be doing it again... or will I? /hj

[1loer]

@polaroid-steam-room : 'Something with Imposter and Nagito, maybe talking about identity stuff? At least I’d feel like it’d make for a unique and kinda comforting convo between the two! Ok this ended up way less comforting than you probably wanted I'm sorry AHGUAEGHUEG m(__)m. I do want to explore that type of conversation with them post canon, buuuut i want to save it for a later date hehe :3c but! I still thought they could've had an interesting dynamic in game, especially in the first chapter. I realised its kind of weird Imposter didn't see through Komaeda's ruse, all things considered, so explored that instead. I hope it still sort of hits what u wanted!!!!!!!! thank u for suggesting these two. Getting into Imposter's head and thinking about them a bit more seriously was acc rlly fun!! <3 I hope u like it <3

There was comfort in control. 

Maybe that comfort was the reason they chose to wear someone as commanding and imperious as the Ultimate Affluent Progeny. 

Komaeda Nagito was a nebulous personality. Most of the others had been easy to read from the second they said ‘hi’. Even someone like Hinata Hajime, who had forgotten so much more about himself than the rest of them had, was an open and well-worn book to them. They could’ve perfected his presentation in a second, even without knowledge on what his talent was. But Komaeda had been a bit more difficult than that. He was elusive, keeping to himself if he wasn’t keeping to Hinata’s side. 

Normally, unless completely necessary, they wouldn’t bother themselves with trying to untangle a knot as tightly wound as someone like Komaeda. But, with this whole ridiculous mess of a so-called ‘killing game’ they’d been unwillingly entered into…Well, you need a knot to tie a noose. 

Komaeda stood off to the side, leaning against a wall, seemingly content to watch the party pass him by. Every now and again, they’d catch his eye twitch towards a table at the back of the room, next to where he stood. It seemed habitual; protective. The way someone would keep watch of their belongings they left at their table at a cafe when they went up to the bar to order. 

Again, perhaps in any other situation, they wouldn’t find reason to worry over something so unobtrusive. But from what they could see, there was no reason Komaeda should be so pre-occupied with an empty table. In a situation like this, quirks like that were the most important to keep on top of. 

“Komaeda, have you eaten?”

Komaeda acted surprised, even though there was no way he couldn’t have noticed their approach. Muggy eyes wide and blinking clear as they quickly snatched away from that empty table once more.  

“Oh, hello Togami!” He smiled gently, and tittered a laugh, “Of course I’ve eaten! How could I pass up the opportunity to try food made for us by an Ultimate like Hanamura?” 

They held out a plate towards Komaeda, so filled with food it was a strain to hold with just one hand, “Have another plate, you need it.” 

If his back wasn’t already backed against a wall, they were sure Komaeda would’ve taken a step back, “I’m okay, really!” he pleaded, hands up in polite rejection. 

“It wasn’t a request.” 

They shoved the plate into Komaeda’s chest, and on instinct he grabbed it. He regarded it tentatively, an awkwardly stiff tilt in his shoulders. 

“Ah, Koizumi was right. You really are forceful.” He laughed lightly, relaxing a little. Togami wouldn’t react to such a pointless statement, so neither did they. Then, with a tilt of his head, the brightness that on the surface seemed characteristic to Komaeda returned, “But I guess it is to be expected of such a capable leader.” 

But Komaeda’s brightness was just that. Surface level. He was good at it. Obviously very practised at it. He wasn’t surprised that no one else seemed to have noticed. Even Togami, they were certain, wouldn’t have noticed. Togami would find him distasteful, annoying, and someone so completely not worth his time that even finding these two words to describe him would be more effort than Togami would believe he deserved. 

In any other circumstance, he would’ve stuck to his guns with this characterisation. If he let his own beliefs and intuition bleed into his act, it would reveal the act for what it was. If there was one thing, they could confidently say about themselves, it was that they were good at what they did. The fact that even Hope’s Peak had figured them out to bestow them the title ‘Ultimate Imposter’ was shocking. But he supposed that only spoke to the capabilities of an academy like Hope’s Peak. But this was simply something he just couldn’t ignore. 

They would be the first to admit that they had been out of character. If faced with this same situation, they were certain that the real Togami’s actions would have been exactly opposite of their own. Togami was ruthless, selfish, cold, and above all else, a horrible loser and an even worse winner. To someone like Togami, the only thing that really mattered as much as his family’s name was winning. Togami’s, historically, didn’t lose. The Togami heir would not be the end of that streak. No, the real Togami in this situation would be the exact person Monokuma would want in his game, because Togami would play to win, and would not take even a second to care for the people in the game with him. 

But they just couldn’t sit comfortably in that role. Despite what he knew of Togami, he couldn’t in good faith look these people in their eyes, people that were supposed to be his classmates, all just as confused and lost and scared as they were and tell them that he would throw them all under the bus if it meant getting off this island and getting back to his work. 

Luckily for them, for what they and the rest of their class could remember, none of them knew Togami Byakuya. So, none of them would question their motives for trying so hard to keep all of them safe. After all, when all was said and done, could they really claim the title Ultimate Imposter if they couldn’t even perform a personality out of character in a convincing way? 

“Fat is important to keep you alive. In stressful situations like this, eating well is especially important. I don’t want you dying for a reason as pathetic as malnutrition, especially not while I am your leader.” 

Komaeda chuckled amicably in place of a response, and accepted the plate completely, giving it another nervous once over. They treated him much the same, their eyes scanning him from the toe of his scuffed brown leather shoes (subtly expensive, understated and unnoticeable if you didn’t know what you were looking at) to the tip of the unruly, curly white mop of his hair (unnatural and unhealthy. All the more so when you caught sight of the pale, blushing, strawberry blonde that lingered in the crook of his neck). 

“Plus,” They started, folding their arms. Komaeda stared at him innocently, “It must take up a lot of energy, keeping up this facade you’re performing.” 

Komaeda tripped; Togami smirked. 

He recovered quickly, in the blink of an eye, smiling awkwardly and titling his head with a disarming curiosity, but they didn’t miss the stiffness that returned in his shoulders, 

“Ah, pardon?” 

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” Togami replied, cool and just slightly irritated. Then, that harsh, blunt cover fell back, and they looked away, “It's not an issue. I understand. More than you’d know.” 

Surprisingly, Komaeda actually seemed to back down a little, his guard dropping an inch, his smile turning wiry, “...I’m not so sure about that.” 

Despite themselves, they felt themself responding much the same. 

The more they thought about it, the more his facade made sense. They thought back to the confident way he tried to speak, the way he shakingly grabbed at the attention of his peers, his grip as perfect and practised as a baby grabbing for its favourite toy. That is to say, it was cack-handed and clumsy, and landed poorly every single time. They thought of how easily he sunk back from Saionji’s remarks, how he accepted them without protest. In those moments, he seemed much more comfortable than any other time they’d seen him. Then there was his attachment to Hinata, someone who, through no fault of his own, was the only true outcast amongst their group. With no idea of what his talent was, Hinata was, unfortunately, a bit lost amongst the rest of them. Who, with nothing else to hold onto, at least had the confidence of knowing who they were, what their role was. Komaeda was optimistic, friendly, and agreeable, even when he probably really shouldn’t have been, and seemed to care very deeply about how he came off to everyone around him. The effort he put in to clean this room for this party at such short notice was evidence enough of that. It was the only time they had seen him nearly brag about something he’d done or speak even close to positively about himself. He was meek and quiet, and overall, just seemed…

Lonely. 

Well, that was something they certainly could understand. 

“There is comfort in hiding yourself.” They replied, their eyes scanning across the room, checking in on the people happily enjoying the party around them. Oowari and Mioda were being a bit too rowdy and getting shouted at for it by Saionji (Hinata watched them from the sides, laughing a little at what they were doing, but not too much. Maybe he’d have to talk to him about all this as well), “The person I present myself as is never usually the person I really am inside, if I was completely truthful.” Their eyes spared a passing glance at Komaeda. The intense, unblinking stare he levelled them with was unsettling. Togami didn’t feel it, and held it back, just as insistent, “It’s a useful strategy for business. It keeps you separated from your work, makes sure you don’t take anything too personally so you can focus on one, clear goal. The total and complete domination of the Togami Industry, above all others.” 

Komaeda blinked widely, his heavy stare not really seeing Togami, before it drifted off to the side, “I suppose.” Then, he was back, bright and chipper, “I can see why the Togami company has historically done so well. You’re going to do amazing, once you inherit it.” 

“I know that well enough.” He shot back dismissively, then they relented, softening once more, “But…It’s not easy. The price you pay for that safety is…You can never truly get close to someone.” 

They hoped the weight of their stare matched the weight of their words, really made what they were trying to say, as Togami may say it, sink in. 

“...What a lonely life.” Komaeda said wistfully. For a moment, his bright eyes turned cloudy, his smile dropped. Like white noise, it was only when it was gone that they really realised how present it usually was. Then, once it returned, it stood out more than it ever had.  

Komaeda understood. They wished they could feel better about that fact. They felt their heart ache, just a little. Even if they had guessed as much, it was another thing to see their suspicions confirmed. Along with the sympathy came a spike of guilt they tried desperately to shake. They tried to remind themselves that they had to treat everyone with a level of suspicion. That is what Togami would do. The logical, clinical response to a situation so incredibly illogical, and what they needed to do to make sure everyone survived. But the guilt persisted, in spite of this logic. Komaeda had been higher than most on their watchlist, nearly higher than even Hinata, (who was the most suspicious out of all of them) only because of his closed off, peculiar demeanour. To suspect someone, just because they were a bit awkward, a bit unconfident, a bit…Different. Maybe it was what Togami would’ve done, but it didn’t make them feel any better about it. 

“‘Lonely’ is a pathetic word to describe the feeling.” Togami replied coldly. He locked eyes with Komaeda, and he shifted under his stare, “It’s a living hell.” They replied, a truth in their words so deep and unnatural to Togami, that for a small second, they felt uncertain. It was enough that, despite what he wanted, what Togami wanted, they broke eye contact first. It was dangerous, a little too far. Something in Komaeda’s face changed, and they quickly shifted gears. Togami closed his eyes, and smirked with a confidence they didn’t feel, “If you really wish to see these bonds between us all come to fruition as you say, perhaps it’s something you should consider.” 

That piercing look, stripping them like a nail through orange peel, disappeared. They felt it lift like a physical weight. Once it was gone, it was like it was never there in the first place. Komaeda smiled prettily, a slight glimpse of his white teeth peeking through, as he apologised, 

“Thank you for your concern, Togami. I’m sorry I made you worry.” 

Togami scoffed, “Don’t be stupid.” He scolded him, looking at him down his nose. Komaeda lowered his head, laughing quietly, and the control fell comfortably back into Togami’s hands. It was relieving. It made them stand on his feet a little steadier. 

“Ah, of course. I overstepped there, how lame of me.” Komaeda sighed. Then, a hard, serious look grew on his face, much more serious than was needed, “No, you’re absolutely right. I completely understand. It is exactly as you said it.” Komaeda looked at him, but it was…Different. Something disquieting sat in their stomach, like a small stray piece of burning shrapnel. A splinter that broke under their skin as it was recklessly pulled free. “In the end, above all else, your end goal must be your main focus, and you must be whoever you need to be to see that goal through to its glorious end.” 

Komaeda’s voice was the same as it ever was, breathy and light. But something was…wrong. Something undetectable, he couldn’t put his finger on it. He just knew something wasn’t right. Carbon dioxide. Silent, odourless. Deadly. 

The alarm blared in their head, a niggling beep they couldn’t ignore. 

“...And what is your goal exactly?” They asked. Years of practice kept Togami’s voice solid, portrayed none of the uncertainty they felt underneath his skin. 

Komaeda smiled. The beeping persisted. 

Togami didn’t flinch in the face of intimidation, so he didn’t swallow the nerves that built in the back of their throat.

“To see everyone here working together to make their hope shine brightly.”

Komaeda’s smile didn’t waver. The bright spark in their eye didn’t dim, and no matter how hard they pried, nothing budged. Everything stayed solid, real, genuine. 

So why did it all feel so…Wrong? 

“Hm…” 

That guilt they felt from before resurfaced. What had Komaeda really done to make them suspect him so harshly? Komaeda had been nothing but kind, nothing but helpful, and in his own, solid, truthful words, stated his plan was the exact same as their own. Komaeda had shown himself as nothing but their ally, supported their idea from the start, even while everyone else had cast doubt over it. Now they were suspecting him, because he smiled a bit weirdly? Because his stare was unsettling? Because he was a bit…Different? 

The circumstances were getting to him. This suspicion, distrust with no basis, was exactly what Monokuma wanted. Togami wouldn’t play into the hands of someone like Monokuma. He’d win on his own terms. They were inclined to agree. 

If there was someone to suspect, it just made this whole awful mess easier. With a place to point their finger, they’d know how to act, know how to win, know how to keep everyone safe.  

They changed the batteries in the alarm. Pushed the button to reset. The alarm stopped. They pretended it made them feel better. 

Togami huffed a laugh, and they turned away, with one final command, “Eat. You need fat on your bones. The island wind will blow you away.” 

“Yessir!” Komaeda replied playfully, his eyes scrunching handsomely as he giggled. 

Together they’d stand, divided they’d fall. That was the real truth at the centre of all this mess. It was what they needed to hold onto, in the face of everything else. Despite what Togami may want, they were not going to let any of them turn into murderers. 

There was comfort in control. But they would not let that comfort make a fool out of them.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I downloaded this thing ages ago as part of a larger pack of Taskmaster extras, I watched all the other extras in the package (mostly outtakes and interviews), watched the first few minutes of this, and then didn't bother finishing it because I didn't really want to watch corporate executives do anything. It's from the Edinburgh TV Festival in 2016, when they got TV commissioners from five different stations to play a one-off episode of Taskmaster. I then forgot about it for probably two years, until Ed Gamble referenced it on the Taskmaster podcast the other day, and I decided to give it a shot.

I also learned that the full video is now on YouTube:

It's actually kind of funny. I mean, it's not top quality Taskmaster or anything. It's mostly just weird and awkward, but I find the level of awkward in the atmosphere amusing. It's mainly fun to watch Greg and Alex be more relaxed, not so over-the-top "in character" and enjoying getting to reverse the balance of power on TV commissioners.

Taskmaster was only two seasons in at the time. Tasks for this special were an odd mix - one from season 2, one from season 3, one that was created entirely to just fuck with the people who've turned down TV shows before. That last one is the one Ed referenced on the podcast - he told John Robins about it, and John said he hasn't seen this special, and sounded like he hadn't heard of it before. But I think John maybe has had something to do with it, because the other task in this has the exact rules of the game Beta Bet, a regular feature on the Elis and John Radio X show that they started doing just a few months after this Taskmaster special was filmed, I think. When they started playing Beta Bet on the radio, John said it was a game he'd invented and played with friends before, and also during that time, John regularly had stories about playing games like this in pubs with Tim Key and Alex Horne.

I don't know if John ever said that Beta Bet was one of those games he played with Alex, but I think it must have been, as it's ended up on Taskmaster. It's a very fun game, both to play and to listen to other people play, it's a pity that Elis James was so awful at it that they had to drop it as a radio feature after a few months (to be fair to Elis, the issue was the contrast between how bad Elis was vs how John was very very good at it, Elis wouldn't have seemed quite so bad at it next to someone besides John, and that sort of thing is why John Robins is now the most statistically successful player in Taskmaster history).

They end on a live task used in season 3, one of the most convoluted and weird live tasks that Taskmaster has ever done, so certainly an interesting idea to take something that was a bit difficult to make work as entertainment even for comedians, and give it to a bunch of people who aren't comedians. Again, most of the reason to watch this special is if you find it amusing when things are awkward and don't really work, which I do. It's also fun to see Taskmaster with significantly less editing than they have on TV, even things like not as much background music, it's weird but kind of cool. So if anyone heard that reference on the latest podcast episodes and wondered what Ed was talking about, here it is. It's probably not really worth an hour of your time but might be if you don't have anything else to do. The bit that Ed mentioned on the podcast is, in fact, funny.

[seventeenlovesthree]

What exactly do you not like about Matt? Just curious!

Oh boy... I'll try to keep this briefly and will also obviously not tag this either, but... Ever since I watched Digimon Adventure in 2000, Yamato/Matt has always been my least favourite among the original 8 and that hasn't changed until today.

On one hand, it may be that his archetype/trope simply isn't for me - I never liked the "semi-tsundere rival" characters and he wasn't even a typical "rival" in the first place, but was merely put into that position by the end of Adventure because of the "siblings of the angel kiddos according to the prophecy". His arc is interesting and he does have redeeming qualities in both Adventure and 02 - I do like that he eventually softens a bit and shows humourous and chivalrous attitudes to those who are dear to him! But there were just too many aspects and plot-related decisions that... Have always been grinding my gears.

As mentioned, I never understood why he had been raised to be secondary main character out of the original 8 next to Taichi, beyond the first season of Adventure (instead of, say Sora, who had a lot more plot-driving abilities for the majority of the first 2-3 arcs of Adventure, but was then later shafted HEAVILY into the background). Omegamon should have been a 1-time-only miracle occurrence as of Our War Game, because it was amazing and special, but every rehashing that happened after that just felt pandering to me. Yes, I understand that the "cool-handsome-lone-wolf" character has always been popular, as is tradition and him being a contrast to Taichi is a general selling point that was interesting - for a while. I may understand it objectively from a marketing standpoint (he is coded as "the handsome one" after all), but I don't understand it emotionally.

I never understood why he had to become the leader of a band AND the singer when the conclusion of Adventure (at least according to the novels) had been that he wasn't cut out to be a (lone) leader (in the spotlight). The Crest of Friendship works best if he is supported and able to support - and even if the point of 02 had been to show him becoming more outgoing, I cannot help but wonder why exactly Tri implied that Teenage Wolves had been drifting apart... (Yes, one may wonder if Tri is even a logical/canon continuity at this point - Knife of Day didn't seem too harmonious either -, same with Kizuna and The Beginning, but for the sake of this post, let's go with it.) I would have loved to see him play bass in the band as a support, not as the lead, if that makes sense.

This point is based on my interpretation of his character, so take it with a grain of salt, please: I never understood why one of the most not-straight-coded characters in the entirety of Adventure was one of the first to date one of the girls - even though there was emotional compatibility implied between him and Sora, he had never shown much interest or attraction (aside from a very general big-brother-being-protective attitude) towards ANY female character in the ENTIRE series, side characters included. (Meiko may actually be the main exception here, he definitely felt more drawn to her, but Tri was a difficult chapter, as mentioned. But yeah, most of his "blushy/open/teary/soft" moments usually happened around male characters... Just my two cents here).

Tri!Yamato was a complete and utter mess in my opinion, the resting grumpy face and constant arguing and shouting was NOT the continuity 02!Yamato should have gone for; sure, he has always had anger management issues due to understandable trauma he needed to sort out, but he wasn't constantly hissing at (almost) everyone like a true Tsundere. Additionally, him being in the closet and unable to process his feelings for Taichi the entire time made things unnecessarily complicated and repetitive. He's a hyperfocus-character, yes (as his main focus in Adventure was Takeru), but since he (and his relationship with Taichi) gets so much spotlight, the hyperfocus was a little too intense for my taste.

On a personal note, I simply didn't like how Tri rewrote him to be both Taichi's foil AND his "best" friend while kinda writing Koushirou out of the picture (as parts of the fandom tends to do as well), even though these three could and should have been a solid friend group at this point. They also completely neglected his relationship with Jyou, nobody ever elaborated on any character dynamic between him and Sora and there was no real development between him and Takeru either, so... Friendship where?

Kizuna!Yamato was mostly fine, he was more moderate than Tri, but again, the overall focus on Taichi and Yamato ONLY has become a little stale at this point (and maybe, just maybe, it was all just Takeru's fanfiction anyway). Yes, I know I am biased, because I actually like Taichi, but Taichi IS the face of the series - "the main character of the anime, but not the main character of the story", as Kakudou may put it. It's what the reboot misunderstood about Taichi too btw, because it made him the center of attention and turned Yamato into "Kouji done wrong", without having much to do for him except for enabling Omegamon (to sell merch), hyperfocusing on Takeru (again) and Taichi (AGAIN) and no development whatsoever.

... Okay, that was longer than intended, but I'm actually glad I got that out of my system. I adore the development he had with Jyou throughout Adventure (and in the stageplay too), his dynamic with Taichi and Koushirou and Takeru (separately and together) can be FUN if utilized properly (and when he's allowed to smile, be kind, silly and HAVE FUN), but I just see so much wasted potential with him despite all the screentime (and attention) he gets. And irrational me would like to see other characters get some pieces of the cake too for once.

If you like Yamato, please continue to do so, this was not me trying to tell you to stop! Ship him with whoever you want too except, maybe with his brother, but that is a different story for another day. He's just not for me.

[miloscat]

[Review] Even the Ocean (PS4)

A unique and soulful puzzle-platformer.

Anodyne 1 and 2 are really special games, so it's past time for me to catch up on the rest of the Analgesic catalogue from Melos Han-Tani and Marina Kittaka. This is their second game together, and takes on the puzzle-platformer genre but with a heavy emphasis on story.

Compared to the Anodyne games, the themes are a little more straightforward and the world more grounded than their abstract dreamlike spaces. The story deals with environmental and social issues, but with strong characters who feel very human and real through their dialogue. The story opens with the death of a minor character, but rather than exploiting it for dramatic stakes and moving on, the entire rest of the game sees you forming a friendship with her grieving partner, discussing deep topics with her and so on. As the game goes on and the stakes are further raised, it still takes the time for smaller moments and well-drawn minor characters.

This emotional content and social commentary is the strongest part of the game, not to say that the gameplay parts aren't also good. But the puzzle platforming can feel isolated or distinct from these aspects. The mechanics of it do tie into the worldbuilding which is linked to the themes though. In this sci-fi fantasy world, the main governing principle is the two energy types: light/green/vertical, and dark/purple/horizontal. Everything is built around this central idea.

Our protagonist Aliph has to balance the two energy types while blocking with a directional shield. She has a personal energy bar and when interacting with objects and obstacles this shifts between the two extremes. Charge yourself with dark and you walk faster, with light and you jump higher. But rather than a traditional health system, if you fill up completely on one or the other you die. Basically all interactable elements are aligned with either energy, and this leads to all sorts of clever puzzles along with the balancing act of managing your own tendency.

Progression through the puzzle spaces is mostly linear and I didn't find it very challenging for most of the runtime. There is a lot of customisation though, and you can choose if you want to just play the action parts or the story parts, as well as gameplay modifications to make it more manageable if you're having trouble. This makes the game very accessible, although oddly there is no option for button reassignment.

As I've come to expect with Analgesic games, there is also an extensive postgame although Even the Ocean takes it to extremes I haven't yet seen in their catalogue. You get new options to zoom around, warp, and display minimaps but most of all you get an entire new game world consisting of rough drafts and earlier versions of levels filled with developer commentary. This really opens the door on the development of the game and is really interesting from an archival perspective, having this behind the scenes content in playable form within the game itself. You get to see assets from when all the environment pixel art was made by hand (the final game uses art from larger images outside of the "dungeon" areas), as well as much more complex and difficult level design ideas.

These in-depth offerings are such a fascinating look at what the game could have been that I couldn't help but wish that some of it had made it to the final product, that we had more polished forms of these more challenging puzzles. On the other hand, the choices made to simplify the art production process I thought resulted in a fantastic end product, the interesting character designs coming through well in pixel form against the beautiful and moody backdrops.

Either way, these extras are remarkable, a candid conversation with the player on how the game was shaped and when you are directly told the rationales it's hard to argue that Melos and Marina made the right decisions to make the game memorable and accessible, and the game as a whole is much stronger and more interesting for having them. Please spend some time exploring the postgame if you give this a go! Anyway, although I have quibbles with the slow difficulty curve and the sometimes awkward menus, Even the Ocean ended up being another unique offering from Analgesic, packed full of ideas and heart.

[thefirstknife]

I think a lot of what's happening is that many players are legitimately burning out because of the way bungie models the game (people don't call it FOMO: the game for no reason, there's definitely a truth to that feeling), increasing prices putting further strains on wallets as people continue to struggle financially (getting priced out of a beloved hobby is painful), and various genuine harmful choices over the life of the series, etc. but all of that's being co-opted by bad faith actors who are looking for a reason to tear Bungie down--I think you're at least partially right that there's a lot of anti-LGBTQIA+ people targeting them for being visible allies (and members of our various communities!) and just just hollow rainbow capitalists. And there's probably people who just want to stir up drama because they find it fun. So they're all distorting the actual complaints and making it so hard to have a frank discussion about good and bad practices. The real stuff gets drowned out and people tired of the BS shut down genuine complaints without realizing because it's hard to sort through it all. I think the technical term for the current situation is "clusterfuck"

For real. Burnout is a real problem that very few people recognise and often they just refuse to recognise it when it hits them personally. And like, burnout isn't just "I'm a little bored of this," continuous burnout can lead to actual health problems.

I always tell people that if you log into a game and you're not feeling it, you're only there to mark a checklist and you're annoyed by every moment spent playing, please take a break. FOMO stuff is also a real issue, but I also always tell people to just try and think about it from a broader perspective. Will you miss out on stuff? Probably. Will this matter to you, truly, if you have no interest in the game anymore? Like, if you think about it, missing out on content from a game that doesn't bring you joy should not be that big of a deal. You're not enjoying it anyway, so who cares if you miss things that you don't enjoy?

FOMO design is really awful and it's unfortunately everywhere and it takes so much energy to get yourself out of thinking that everything around you is super urgent and you have to latch onto it NOW or else.... In truth, this is just a sneaky method to keep people hooked. It's not real, you're not really missing out on anything. Even if you are, I promise that it's better to "miss out" than fall into burnout. You're the only one who can break your own FOMO.

A lot of gamers don't get it and don't even try to get it and actually get super defensive when you tell them that they're exhibiting symptoms of burnout. This is also another way that people try to deflect criticism. Sometimes someone will incessantly shit on a video game and you'll tell them "you have burnout bro, you need to take a break for your own sake" and they'll insist that you're just saying that because you're bootlicking a company or whatever.

On the other hand, sometimes you will criticise something legitimate and people will try to shut you down with claims that you're just burned out. Differentiating between these two is super difficult, especially when the community is acting like the Destiny community is acting like now. As you said, we're dealing with a clusterfuck. There's legitimately burned out people hateplaying the game who refuse to recognise it and there's people who want to talk about genuine problems and the former are making this an incredibly difficult conversation to have.

Two other related asks under:

It's utterly bizarre. The cynicism is so high that people are literally ignoring easily verifiable facts they can find with one google click away because it means they get to join their pitchforks against Bungie. And like, you can hate a company all you want but at least hate the real things they've done? The Bungie Foundation is legitimate work that helps people all over the world. This one aint' it chief.

This is the reddit thread where people were having a meltdown over the post about the foundation stuff for Bungie Day to the point that a moderator had to make a pinned post about this and there's one other most upvoted post about it just beneath. A lot of the shitty comments have been deleted and some are still there but downvoted, but people for real showed up to say crap about Bungie and lie on a call for charity.

It happened on twitter too (link if you're brave enough to go into replies and quote tweets, I don't recommend it), because of course it did. People are largely upset that some of the bigger goals have an emblem and shader as a reward and now they're calling it the "100k $ shader." And like. It's not for you. You don't need these two items. They're not here for you to buy. They're here to incentivise donations to charity. Bungie isn't getting rich from this; they will literally not see this money. It's going to charity.

I could bet my entire ass that the same people crying about this shader being unobtainable (we don't even know what it looks like btw) are the same people who are standing by their favourite streamer when they say that some in-game activities and rewards shouldn't be obtainable to the majority of the players. It's baby behaviour, and worse now because the post about Bungie announcing a charity is littered with comments from ghouls who think that THIS is the right moment to stick it to the big corpos (and ask to "fix servers").

LMAO! Literally though. I, unfortunately, play a Blizzard game and like. I'm sorry but you will not convince me that Destiny has worse monetisation than Overwatch. Like, maybe you can convince people who don't play anything else, but I do.

And honestly, if some other game is better to someone? Please feel free to play that then. I do my absolute best to limit the amount of money I will ever again give Blizzard to as close to 0 as possible, but if Blizzard's monetisation and morals are fine to you, go wild I guess. Applies to any other company for that matter. I personally find it baffling that we've spent YEARS learning about all the ways Activision is actually being led by demons from hell and that they deal with lawsuits every few months and treat their employees like crap, but we're totally fine hyping up Diablo 4 (and I guess we forgot all controversies from before about Diablo 3 and Diablo Immortal and everything). But to each their own. I'm not on Diablo twitter posting about this. It's not my problem. Hell, I'm not even engaging with Overwatch stuff because I know that I will just be negative about every aspect of it, even though I'm still playing here and there. I disagree with what they're doing so I play less and don't buy stuff and then I'm not angry about a video game every day of my life. Life hack.