#it made me realize i should prob be nicer to myself

[dazzlerdrawer]

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) 🌈 🌈

[🌻🖤]

Ahhh thank you <3 and oh wow this will be. interesting. Ive never done something like this before lol. I'll give it a shot haha

I can draw. Pretty well. :)

I think its important that Im considerate, patient, and forgiving of others

I like that Im uhhhh good with animals or something

Willingness. Like when nobody wants to do this one task I do it. Ive noticed this trend everywhere I go.

kdsajfkj THIS IS SO HARD IDK IDK I LIKE THAT I SEE THRU RULES N THINGS AND USE MY OWN JUDGEMENT WHICH IS USUALLY WRONG JLKSFDJLK

Imma tag people to make life easier for myself. Feel no pressure to do it, btw! (If you dont, consider this a nice shoutout that you all are super cool)

@a-dragon-in-a-corner

@iyote

@b33py

@cottonedsy

@the-smartaleck

@pweachfwoge

@sydthegoatkid

@white-nolse

@mantatheseawing

@silvirscythie

@anyoneelsewhowannajoin

~~/=\^>

[livingthroughchoices-blog]

The Marshmallow Chronicles (Ch. 13: Hunting for Love)

Prev | Next

Author’s notes: Hi! Sorry this took so long! As I told a lovely anon, I had been working on it for a while and it was deleted so I had to recover from the frustration. 

Thanks to the people who like, reblog and/or comment. You guys are the reason I’ve kept going <3 Huge thanks to @starstruckzonkoperatorbat, @notoriouscs, @simplyaiden-blog, @snyggflicka, @asprankle, @speedyoperarascalparty, @mirivalencia, @mymandrake and @asobigokoro2018 for asking me to tag them!

Love you guys <3

Rating: T

Pairing: Drake x MC

Words: 5,943

Drake retired to his room early, not feeling up to enjoying the festivities. 

God, this sucks. I have to get this under control. Am I just gonna feel like shit all the time now?

Out of a sense of self-preservation he reflected he should probably keep his distance from Riley for the foreseeable future. He was shocked to realize that the thought of not being around her was more painful than seeing her with Liam. 

I guess I do want Adams to be a part of my life...

He flopped down unto his bed, trying to think of something that could distract him, when he felt his phone vibrate twice in his pocket. 

He pulled it out and read, “Hey, Drake! Where did you run off to?”

And then a separate message, “It’s Addams 😊”

His stomach did a somersault, seeing her call herself the nickname he called her. He’d already known it was her; Liam had given him her number “just in case”, as he put it, but Drake could never bring himself to text her. It would have felt like an even greater betrayal of Liam’s friendship. He had, however, spent more time than he cared to admit with his fingers hovering over the keyboard, staring at her picture and holding himself back from typing. 

“You know me, Addams, always sneaking off”

“Yeah, but you could’ve asked me to come with you ☹️“

Right, like she wasn’t having fun with Liam. 

He was wondering whether there was a way to phrase that so it was less obvious how bitter he was and then she texted again.

“You’re welcome btw”

“For what?”

He noticed she was already typing the moment he sent it. He was glad she didn’t play games with texting, didn’t wait long to reply, didn’t mind double-texting.

“For not making you my court jester! You would’ve looked cute in that cap tho lol”

“Funny. So why didn’t you?”

“Well, you only made that bet to motivate me”

The three dots were still on the screen so he waited. She seemed to be thinking especially hard about this text, as she took inordinately long typing it. Drake’s palms were sweating.

“And... tbh, as soon as they said a cup-bearer is someone you trust I knew I had to say you”

Drake was thankful he couldn’t choke or stutter through texts. He threw his phone on the bed and put his head under his pillow, completely overwhelmed. He couldn’t stop smiling, yet he felt close to tears at the same time. 

Pull it together, man.

He took a few breaths to steady himself and grabbed his phone. He caught a glimpse of his dopey smile reflected on his phone’s dark screen before he unlocked it. 

“You’re making me blush, Addams”

“You’re going soft on me, Drake ;)”

“Hey, thanks. I trust you too”

“No prob, I’ll have plenty of chances to beat your ass lol”

He could practically see her smirk.

“Ha, we’ll see about that”

“Well, I'd better go to bed, my alarm clock is waaay too chipper in the mornings”

“Is being queen even worth Maxwell waking you up every day?”

“I’m starting to doubt it haha”

He knew she was kidding, but he still couldn’t help the stupid, senseless hope he felt at that.

She texted once more, “Thanks for everything, Drake, I mean it. See you tomorrow?”

“Any time :) see you tomorrow”

He set his alarm for the next morning feeling a little more optimistic. That was it, he just had to find the right balance with Riley. He could give her a break, for starters. Since his feelings would not be ignored, he could use them to be nicer and act like a real friend to her, for a change. Yes, instead of wallowing in his unrequited crush, he would try to grow and improve through this. 

With this in mind, he turned the lights off and went to sleep.

The next day he got up unusually early, determined to be a better version of himself. He started by finding Liam, who was enjoying a rare quiet moment in the stables.

“Hey, Liam!”

“Drake! This is a pleasant surprise! What brings you here so early?”

“I don’t know, we haven’t hung out in a while and I thought...” he trailed off. 

I really have to get better at this friendship thing.

Liam looked touched, so much so that Drake felt his embarrassment grow.

“I’d like nothing better! How are you? Any news of Savannah?”

“Nothing. Radio silence. And her trail’s gone cold so...” he sighed.

Liam put a supportive hand on his shoulder, “Listen, if there’s anything I can do, all you have to do is ask. I’ve asked Bastien to look into it, but he seems to have a lot on his plate lately.”

“Oh, so it’s not just me?”

“That he’s been short with?”

“Short? More like a dick! Do you know he yelled at me yesterday for no reason?”

Liam raised a skeptical eyebrow, “No reason?”

“Okay, so I teased him a little but Liam, I swear, it was nothing compared to the pranks we used to pull on him!”

Liam chuckled. “Remember when we locked him out of the training room?”

“Or when we put those balloons behind the door?” Drake snorted.

“He was so startled when they popped he pulled out his gun!”

“Yeah, in retrospect I can see how that was actually pretty dangerous and not super fun for him,” admitted Drake, though he was still chuckling.

“It was very irresponsible,” agreed Liam. “We should really show him some sort of appreciation soon, especially if he is under pressure.”

“Good idea, but you should leave that to me; you’ve got enough shit to do.”

“Do I? Other than choosing a queen for Cordonia and my lifelong partner, my schedule is wide open,” Liam joked.

They heard footsteps getting nearer and Drake peeked out to see King Constantine approaching the stables. That’s my cue.

“I’d better take Morello, then.” He strode to one of the stalls, where a jet black horse whinnied excitedly. “Hey, boy.” He led him gently outside, grabbing a saddle on his way back to Liam. “Well, if there’s any way I can help you, just say the word.” Drake clapped his back.

“I know, Drake, thank you.”

Drake waved goodbye and exited, his horse walking behind him. He briefly stopped to give the King a perfunctory bow. He ambled around the grounds, at peace for the first time in what seemed like ages. He’d missed Liam’s company. He was used to long periods of only seeing each other for quick conversations, but lately, his once-easy friendship had felt anything but. Now, with a clearer mind and knowing what he intended to do about his silly crush, it all seemed as simple as it used to be. 

In a secluded spot, he saddled Morello. He caressed its muzzle and the horse nickered affectionately. “I missed you, too, buddy. It’s been busy around here, you know? Busier than usual. New people and everything.”

He scratched behind its ears, lost in thought. He looked back towards the stables and saw most of the group already mounted. “All right, seems like everyone’s on their horses. You ready?” 

Morello neighed, which Drake took as a yes. He swung expertly onto his saddle and took the reins. “Now listen, if there’s ever been a time when we gotta look good, it’s this one, okay?”

The horse snorted and Drake patted its neck. 

Nothing wrong with trying to impress the suitors. It’s not like I’m making a move or anything. I just want her to know I’m good at something.

He directed Morello at a slow gait toward the others. He’d decided to stay in the back, should anyone need any help. 

Nobles don’t tend to be good at much. 

He smiled a little, remembering when Tariq had gotten his foot tangled in the stirrup a few years ago and sighed contentedly. 

Yeah, today might be a good day.

He saw Riley up ahead and had already raised his hand to urge Morello forward with the reins, then thought better of it. 

You’ll go up to her if it’s natural. Stop forcing it.

He settled in the last spot. After a few minutes of riding at a ridiculously slow pace, his gaze started drifting more and more often towards Riley, until he was fully staring at her. 

I’m such a creep. 

Try as he might, though, he couldn’t help looking at her, the shapes her lips made when she talked or smiled, how beautifully her hair moved in the breeze... 

I’m gonna make myself sick.

She was currently having what looked like a surprisingly civil conversation with Olivia. 

Yuck. She’s such a better person than I am.

A few minutes later, Hana was the one to approach her.

Lovesick idiots that we are. 

He shook his head fondly at Hana. 

God, I hope you come out of this better than me, kid.

Hana moved back to talk to the rest of the suitors. At the same time, Drake noticed Lady Kiara trying to catch his eye and ignored her as politely as he could. 

Out of desperation – fine, and also because I really, really want to talk to her – he called out to Riley, “Addams!”

She turned towards him, grinning. He returned her smile and waved her over. She immediately slowed down and let others pass her until she was at the back with Drake. He was pleasantly surprised at how well she commanded her horse. 

Okay, here we go. Friends. We’re gonna be friends.

“There you are. You look like you actually know how to ride a horse.” 

That’s something a friend would say, right?

One of Riley’s hands flew to her mouth in mock surprise. “Oh my gosh, opening with a compliment?”

“Careful, don’t want you falling off your horse now.” Drake smirked, though he still regarded her uneasily. 

Friends worry about their friends!

“I’m surprised you’re out here with all the nobles today.” It was phrased like a statement, but there was a question behind it. 

Well, obviously the truth is out of the question. 

“Turns out, I had an opening in my schedule today.” He grinned. “And there’s something oddly satisfying about watching nobles fuss over their stuffy blazers.”

Riley giggled. “Is this why you’re not frowning... as much as usual, anyway.”

Drake didn’t know whether to shake her or kiss her. 

It’s you! You’re the reason! Okay, how do I make that friend-appropriate? 

“It has more to do with the company I keep.” That was probably the most sincere he’d been in the past year.

“A second compliment!” This time, Riley didn’t pretend to be shocked, she actually was. Her eyes shone as she looked at Drake, delighted.

“One more and you win the jackpot,” he winked. 

If only I could actually give her anything.

“I hope it’s all your whiskey,” she teases.

It was Drake’s turn to act horrified. She pushed his shoulder and he smiled with a sigh.

“You know, when we first met, I wanted to dislike you so badly...” He was not sure why he was saying this. 

I guess I want our friendship to start on a clean slate.

Riley’s eyes were wide. “You WANTED to dislike me? Why?”

Of course she finds it unbelievable that anyone could dislike her, cocky jerk. 

He smiled to himself.

“You were crashing Liam’s bachelor party! It was supposed to be our last night out together before all of this... We’ve always been like brothers, doing everything together...” He thought of that morning, how spending a few minutes with him had felt like a privilege. 

“Now I’m lucky to see him for five minutes without a noble girl throwing herself in front of him,” he finished bitterly. 

After a moment of silence, he realized she might think he meant her and hurriedly apologized, “Sorry. I didn’t mean...”

She put her hand on his for a second, her eyes understanding, “I know what you meant.”

Drake could not comprehend how the smallest of her gestures could calm him, make him feel better, like he mattered. 

I have to stop getting so pathetically emotional over every little thing she does. 

He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I know we got off to a bad start, but somewhere along the way... things changed.” 

Okay, stop it right there or you might go too far. 

“Hell, Addams, I don’t even know why I’m telling you any of this.” He rubbed a hand on his face, embarrassed at this outpouring of honesty.

Riley spoke, “Drake, I wanted to dislike you too.”

He looked up from his hands, taken by surprise, although he had no reason to be. “You did?”

“Yeah, I mean, you were a total jerk to me!” 

Understatement of the year.

“But now...”

Drake hated how his voice practically trembled with hope, “Now?”

“It took time... but I figured out that you’re actually human under all those scowls,” she poked him.

Of course. She barely even sees me as a friend, how could I have thought... Well, it doesn’t matter, being friends is already more than I deserve after the way I treated her.

He spotted Liam with his parents ahead. 

There’s someone else I need to be better to.

“This has all been touching, but I need to rescue Liam from his family for a couple minutes.”

He heard Riley utter a small “Oh” as he rode ahead, and felt a twinge of guilt coupled with that insufferable emotion he’d been feeling constantly as of late, hope.

He reached them just in time to hear Queen Regina sing the praises of Madeleine, much to Liam’s apparent chagrin.

“Do you see what I am saying, Liam? Wouldn’t you agree that she is the superior choice?”

“She would certainly make an excellent monarch, son,” chimed in the King.

“She is a lady with many merits, yes,” replied Liam diplomatically.

“So is she the suitor you are most leaning towards, then?” prodded the Queen.

“I–I...”

“Liam!” Drake called, startling the three monarchs, who had been so absorbed in their conversation they had not noticed his arrival. “Wanna race ahead?”

“Loser does 30 push-ups!” Liam exclaimed, already urging his horse forward.

Liam was, of course, an accomplished rider. There really weren’t any rich people things you could afford to be bad at when you were a royal. However, Drake had spent more time in the stables than he had. And so, despite Liam’s exceptional instruction, he didn’t share the bond that Drake and Morello did. 

All this to say, by the time Liam caught up with him, Drake had time to pretend to be looking at an imaginary watch on his wrist.

“Liam, Liam, Liam,” he said, with shakes of his head. “You’ve really got me to thank for your abs, you know that, right?”

Liam chuckled. “That’s my secret; I lose on purpose so I can stay in shape.”

Drake snorted. “You keep telling yourself that, buddy.”

“Drake, thanks for that.” Liam’s relief was palpable.

Drake sobered. “No problem. You looked like you’d rather be at the bottom of the canyon so...”

Liam gave a humorless laugh. “Not quite, but almost. I don’t think they understand that I’m conflicted enough as it is.”

Drake perked up at this, “Are you? I... thought it was a done deal. That you were choosing Riley, that is.”

Liam shushed him. “Not so loud!” He ran his fingers through his hair. “What can I say? In my heart, it is, but unfortunately that is not nearly enough.”

Drake’s heart sank. 

Even if he doesn’t choose her, he’s in love with her. And he’s your best friend.

“Stop worrying so much, man, what’s that gonna do? Look, let’s just enjoy the feast today, huh? You still have a few events left to decide. Not to mention a Beaumont party to look forward to!”

“I’ll try. Although I must say, I am definitely looking forward to that! Their parties are really unparalleled.”

“That they are.”

He and Liam rode on in companionable silence until they reached the mountain village. It was charming and rustic, with its little cabins and huts surrounding a vast filed in which long tables had been set out, laden with food.

Once everyone had gathered round, King Constantine welcomed them, “Everyone, we’ve reached our hunting lodges. Our forebears would dine on the day’s hunt here, and though we no longer hunt, we will still have a great feast. But first, we race to celebrate our ancestors. The first to reach Prince Liam will be served first at the feast! Begin!”

Drake was torn between wishing he could participate – he was starving – and excitement at seeing the suitors race and possibly make a fool out of themselves. Except Hana, obviously. And Riley, he hoped... though that would provide an incredible opportunity to tease her.

No. Friends don’t want their friends to look dumb. 

He needn’t have chided himself, for Riley did well. She didn’t win – predictably, it was Hana who did – but she did a good job for her first time, in Drake’s opinion.

An image popped up in his mind, uninvited, of himself teaching Riley how to ride properly. They were all smiles and laughter... 

Stop it, brain.

He forced himself to concentrate on what King Constantine was saying, “That’s superb horsemanship in action. Servants, prepare the first plate for Lady Hana. Now, then. Let’s all take some time to rest. Dinner will begin shortly.”

The crowd broke into smaller, more relaxed groups. He dismounted Morello and tied him to the hitching rail where all the other horses were drinking water and chewing on oats or grazing. He saw Riley talking to Tariq, weirdly. Liam was engaged in conversation with Olivia – no, thanks – and then he spotted Maxwell and Hana.

“Congratulations, Hana! That was some riding,” he admired as he approached them.

“Yeah, you kicked ass!” Maxwell agreed enthusiastically.

She blushed, “Thank you. I am glad I could put something my parents made me learn to use. If only to eat first.” 

“I think that’s the best prize you could get, I’m starving! Right, Maxwell?”

Maxwell was looking out at Riley, who was talking to Liam, with an uncharacteristically pensive expression on his face.

Drake waved a hand in front of his face. “Maxwell? Everything okay, man?”

“Wha–? Oh. Yeah, yeah, everything’s fine.”

“Sure.” Drake eyed him suspiciously and shared a puzzled look with Hana, who broke the tension.

“Why don’t we go see what they’re up to?” 

The three of them walked over to Liam and Riley. Liam was, as Drake had come to expect, smiling widely, completely engrossed in whatever Riley was saying.

“Hey, the feast is being put out.” Drake pointed out when they’d joined the pair.

“And they’ve got dishes supposedly blessed by the spirits of the nearby ruins,” Maxwell informed them.

Hana’s face instantly lit up. “Oooh! I’ve heard legends about those ruins! They sound magical. People travel from all around just to see them.”

“It’s a shame we’re not scheduled to see them,” Liam frowned.

Thank God! Bunch of old rocks.

Hana’s face fell as fast as it had brightened before. “We aren’t? I was so hoping to...”

Maxwell put a comforting arm around her shoulders and suggested, “Why don’t we just go anyway? Sounds like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”

A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to miss out on delicious food, maybe. 

“Are you sure we should?” Hana asked, cautiously eager.

No!

“It’d be nice to spend some time together without this crowd around,” Liam said. As always, he turned directly to Riley and asked, “What do you say, Riley?”

Riley had that familiar mischievous look she got when she was ready to break the rules. “Let’s have an adventure!”

Drake came close to protesting this decision, until he noticed that her face was practically glowing with excitement. 

Fiiine, I’ll go. Crushes are so stupid. 

He shook his head at himself but kept quiet, not wanting to spoil the others’ fun.

“Alright!” Maxwell fist-pumped.

“I’m excited to visit another piece of Cordonian history,” gushed Hana.

Liam took the lead and gestured for them to come. “Follow me. I know how to get there.”

They walked away from the crowded field and into the adjacent forest. At least this I can enjoy. Drake took in the lush trees, the leave-strewn path they were following and the mysteriously soothing sounds of nature surrounding them. He tried to see if he could spot any forest creatures, but aside from a few shuddering bushes, he didn’t see any; they had probably been spooked by the humans’ presence.

He breathed in deeply, feeling a bit better, despite the hunger. He realized he’d been walking next to Maxwell, who had been quiet the whole time. 

What the hell?!

“Hey, Maxwell, you know I’m not buying that ‘everything’s fine’ bullshit, right?”

“What? Why? Everything is–”

“Stop it. Tell me what’s wrong.”

Maxwell sighed. “Okay. I need someone’s opinion on this, anyway. You know how I’m sponsoring Riley?”

“You can skip the intro, Maxwell, I am the same guy who’s been here for everything,” Drake rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, sorry.” Maxwell was cracking his knuckles nonstop at this point. Drake grabbed his arms and forced him to stop.

“What is it? It can’t be that bad.”

“It’s not bad, it’s complicated. Riley might not be sure about this whole thing anymore.”

Maxwell looked so conflicted that Drake put an arm around his shoulders and said, “Well, being queen is a big deal, dude! Don’t worry, I’m sure she’ll come around!”

“It’s not that. Or at least, not just that. It’s... it’s Liam, too.”

Drake almost stopped walking and had to remind his feet to keep going.

Maxwell kept talking and Drake listened to him half-heartedly. “So I don’t know what to because on the one hand, she’s my friend now. I don’t want to force her to do anything she doesn’t want to! Especially something so big! And I know she feels pressured... I mean, who wouldn’t, with Bertrand? But on the other hand, House Beaumont desperately needs a win, now more than ever... er, for no particular reason.”

Drake was busy trying to calm his buzzing thoughts. 

She’s not sure about Liam! Could it be that–? 

No. There’s no way it’s because of you!

You can’t know that!

So what? Even if it is, you think she’s gonna give up a kingdom? 

His internal argument was interrupted by Maxwell taking a huge breath and continuing, “And then there’s Liam; he really, really likes her and he probably thinks she likes him back and I know it’s not my place to tell him but I feel terrible.”

Right. Liam. You couldn’t do that to your best friend, either way.

There was no argument there.

“Drake? Are you going to say anything or...?”

“Oh, uh, yeah! I don’t think there’s that much to say except, Addams is going to choose whatever she chooses, okay? Even if Bertrand is pressuring her, she’ll do whatever she wants; she’s stubborn like that,” he smiled fondly. “And I guess you gotta trust that she knows.”

“Knows what?”

“Well, that she understands both the reason you brought her here in the first place and that you’re her friend. I’m sure she’ll do whatever she can to help House Beaumont and be happy. She’s one of those people that always finds a way, you know what I mean?”

“I do and I hope you’re right.”

“Psh, when am I not?”

Maxwell pushed him away. “When you said I wouldn’t dare ask the Queen to breakdance with me.”

Drake snorted, “You got me there. I underestimated how inappropriate you can be. And this is from a commoner.”

“I still think she secretly wanted to.”

“Right, maybe she just needed a few more glasses of champagne. Why don’t you try again at the next Beaumont party?”

“Don’t think I won’t.”

They spent the rest of the way laughing and coming up with stupid plans to get the Queen to breakdance.

“Here we are,” Liam announced from ahead of them.

The group moved forward out of the trees and into a clearing. Imposing, mossy stone ruins littered the place, most of them unrecognizable as buildings after so long.

“It’s so beautiful and serene,” Hana breathed out.

Without distractions, Drake’s hunger had returned with a vengeance. “Yep... sure are a bunch of old things here,” he shrugged.

Liam shook his head at him. “It’s so much more than that. There’s something so calm about this place. Can’t you sense it?”

They stood there for a few seconds, their own silence swallowed by the noises made by thousands of bugs and other small critters accustomed to their solitude.

As he’d come to expect, Maxwell broke their silence first, “The only thing I sense is about a million snakes and probably a couple of rock monsters getting ready to attack us.”

Hana’s eyes widened. “Rock monsters? Do you have any rock monsters in Cordonia?”

“It was a joke... just forget it.” Maxwell sighed in defeat.

“I want to find some ghosts,” said Riley, putting her arms up in a “spooky” stance.

“Ghosts?” Hana looked worried, again.

“Maybe one will tell me my future,” piped up Maxwell

That’s not how ghosts work.

“Or devour your soul,” Drake replied in a creepy voice.

Riley shot him a look, “Drake.”

He smiled at her and shrugged. “I’m just saying, that is the likelier outcome!”

“Since some of us,” said Riley pointedly, “seem determined not to take this seriously, why don’t we split up? That way we can all explore however we want.”

“Or not explore,” grumbled Drake.

Riley rolled her eyes at him.

They went their separate ways. Too hungry to be curious, Drake found a rock that looked like it might be halfway comfortable and slumped against it. 

Hana’s already quiet footsteps were further muffled by the leaves and dirt, so he jumped when she addressed him, “Hi, Drake.”

“Hana! You scared the crap outta me!”

She giggled, “Sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

“Yeah, well, next time clear your throat or something.”

“Understood.” 

She slumped – somehow making it look graceful – next to him. 

“So how are you?”

“Same old. Acting like a dumb teenager with a crush, you?”

“Me too... although I never got to be a ‘dumb teenager’ so I wouldn’t know.”

“What are you gonna do about it? I just... I have no idea how to act or what to say or not to say.”

“I don’t think I’ll do anything about it at all. I am here as a suitor and that is something I must keep in mind. Not only that, but she’s my best friend... I don’t think I am prepared to risk our friendship.”

“Well, at least you have some sort of claim, you know? She’s your best friend. I’m... what? Her boyfriend’s best friend?” He scoffed.

They settled into a gloomy silence until Drake spoke again. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’d be risking your friendship. If she doesn’t... feel the same way, I’m sure she’ll understand.”

Hana thought about it for a long moment. “You may be right. I’m not certain I’ll have the courage, though.”

“Are you kidding? You came here from so far away and you’ve tried so many new things; of course you do! You have more guts that Liam, Maxwell and I combined. With Addams you might be evenly matched,” he chuckled.

Hana smiled. “Thank you, Drake. I only wish there was a way this could end favorably for everybody.”

Drake didn’t think that needed an answer. They all wished that. Hana patted his shoulder and left as quietly as she’d come.

Almost as soon her barely audible footsteps receded, Drake heard somebody else approach.

“Hey, Addams,” he greeted her.

She stood in front of him. “You look like you’re having a good time exploring,” she said with an arched eyebrow.

Drake grimaced. “Archaeology isn’t really my thing.” 

Plus, I’m fucking hungry. Bordering on hangry.

“You could at least look around.” Riley gestured at the ruins. “It’s not like you come here often.”

“I looked around. There’s some old buildings. That’s about it.”

What happened to being friendlier, dammit?

“Hmm...” Riley considered what he’d said as if he’d actually made and interesting point instead of just sarcastic whining. 

“Don’t you want to know where you come from? And what about insight into how people lived long ago?” 

She sounded so fascinated it was almost enough to get Drake interested. Almost. “They could’ve ridden dragons for all I care. It doesn’t mean much now.” 

There’s enough shit going on in the present, and shit to worry about in the future. Why look at the past?

He could see Riley was getting tired of his attitude. 

Hell, so am I. 

She put her hands on her hips. “So why did you come out here if you don’t really care for these sorts of things?”

Because you looked adorably excited about it? 

As had become common for him, he went with a different version of the truth, “I don’t think we’re going to get many more times like this.”

Riley tilted her head, “Like what?”

“I mean... Liam is going to be king soon.” He swallowed painfully. “And you could very well be his queen. Everything’s going to change.” He bit the inside of his cheek and looked down. What was he going to do the day of the Coronation if he could barely handle the thought?

To his surprise, Riley’s next words were, “You know, you’re right.” 

He looked up to see a fierce look on her face, “We don’t need to associate with the riff-raff. I mean, really, what could you even provide for us? A sense of grounding and humility?”

Drake shook his head but couldn’t help smiling a little. “I see what you’re trying to do here. It’s not going to work.”

“Or maybe someone to sneak us out of the palace? Why would we want that when we’re drinking champagne and shaking ambassadors’ hands?”

She sounds so sure. There’s no way Maxwell’s right, he probably misunderstood. She’s gonna be queen. 

His stomach clenched and he had to make an effort to focus on their back and forth.

“Yeah, yeah. Keep on punching down.”

Riley’s voice softened and she stepped closer. “Or maybe we’ll need a reminder that no matter how tough someone may seem on the outside, there’s a big, lovable softie on the inside.”

“Hey!”

She put her hands on both his shoulders and gave him a goofy smile. “Come on, Drake. There’s a smile inside you somewhere.”

Drake gave up and smiled with a laugh. “You’re the worst, Addams.”

“Would you have me any other way?”

She’s gonna make me say something I’ll regret if she keeps asking those questions. Fuck no, I wouldn’t have you any other way. You’re amazing.

“Addams... We may have had some ups and downs between us, but I want you to know that I’ve enjoyed this little adventure with you. Not just the ruins, but the whole thing since I walked into your bar in New York.” 

He looked her straight in the eyes and tried to say something nice in the least romantic way possible. “You’re... you’re not bad.”

Riley seemed more moved by that than he’d expected. 

Maybe she understands I mean so much more than that. 

“Awww, Drake, I care for you too.”

Goddamn. I care so fucking much and I can’t stop.

“Addams... I...”

Don’t say anything. Think of Liam.

He shook his head and sighed. He let himself meet her eyes; there was such an intense, yet soft look in them. He felt his gaze slowly make its involuntary way down to her lips. He couldn’t remember wanting anything as badly.

“You’re something else...” he choked out. 

He heard her inhale sharply through her lips. She blushed, breaking their eye contact and putting her arms down.

I went too far.

“Now, we really need to get you out of here before you completely lose it.” The conversation was light-hearted again. “All this reflecting isn’t healthy for you.”

“You’re right. If I stay much longer, I might melt into a big ball of mush,” he shuddered. He had to stop putting himself in these situations; he’d come so close to saying or doing something he shouldn’t...

“Let’s go find the others.” He started walking towards the edge of the forest without looking back. Everyone else was already there.

“That was lovely,” said Liam.

“There weren’t any ghosts,” Maxwell complained.

“Why are you sad about that?” Hana seemed to grow more confused by Maxwell the more she knew him.

He shrugged, “I don’t know, I’m kind of curious what a ghost would have to say. Would’ve made a good story.”

“You can always lie. I’ll back you up,” offered Drake.

“There’s an idea!” he exclaimed.

Unexpectedly, Riley wrung her hands nervously, “Maxwell, please don’t tell me any ghost stories.”

“I won’t tell it to you. You’ll be a supporting character in the story.” 

“Do I survive?” she asked with hope.

“No.”

“Aww...”

“Hah,” Drake mocked her.

Maxwell put an arm around Riley and reassured her, “Drake is the first to die, though.”

“Hey!”

Liam chuckled along with everyone but Drake, and then said, “Alright, everyone. It’s time to head out.”

Riley took one last look at the ruins, sounding resigned, “These ruins were bigger than I thought.”

“Could’ve used an open bar in my opinion,” muttered Drake.

Maxwell, who apparently was almost as hungry as Drake, urged them on, “The feast is waiting for us back at the village! Let’s go!”

“That’s the best idea you’ve ever had. Including sponsoring Addams,” said Drake, earning him a push from Riley.

The walk back to the field seemed much longer to Drake, eager as he was for something to eat. 

When they eventually reached the banquet tables, he was relieved to find them still heaping with food; he’d been anxious it would all be gone by the time they returned.

“Wow... That’s a lot of meat!” Riley’s mouth was watering as she looked at the many cloches piled with different types of roasted meats.

“It’s not exactly a feast without it.” Drake said this as he loaded his plate with everything he could reach.

“A little more fruit couldn’t hurt,” Hana murmured, eyeing the comparatively few options a little sadly.

“I wouldn’t mind putting a bunch of fruit on a stake and waving it around like a sword.” Maxwell was already looking around the tables, trying to find something stake-like.

“Alright, let’s grab our food before Maxwell gets any other crazy ideas,” Drake interrupted.

Maxwell spotted a watermelon and grinned. “And then I could wear a watermelon as a helmet...” He smirked. “I’d be unstoppable.”

Drake had to forcibly remove Maxwell from the table before he could carry out any of his plans. Riley got him a bit of everything – except for watermelon – and brought both her and Maxwell’s plates to where Liam and Hana were already sitting. 

Maxwell revealed a champagne bottle he’d managed to swipe from the table before Drake took him away. 

“I’ll go get glasses!” Hana volunteered, and darted to the table to get five of them.

Maxwell popped the champagne and poured some for everyone. He then stood up and raised his glass.

“A toast to all of us and to our friendship!”

“To friendship!” chirped Hana.

“Ugh... to friendship,” agreed Drake reluctantly. 

It’s only all I’ve thought about today.

Liam smiled at them all and said, “To friendship.”

“To friendship!” exclaimed Riley.

They clinked their glasses and drank. 

Damn, if I didn’t get lucky with these people.

[assholemurphy]

i got all the units done and made the base for my graph. all i’ve got left to do is create wiggly lines at various tempos. hopefully i can copy and paste or find some on google images and strip them down in photoshop to make it go faster. actually, i should be able to do that regardless, so i think i’m gonna create them in photoshop and paste them into my word doc, but idk if i can paste images over shapes (lines) so i’ll have to test it before i put in too much work, but if it does work, i’ll only need 11 speeds, so it should take roughly an hour to make all of them (bc they have to look good). after that, i just have to add in text boxes (which i hope to also copy and paste, but if i can’t, it’s nbd, just a bit more work) and paste all the wiggly lines onto the graph at those points, which should take roughly another hour. so, i’ve got two hours of work left to do. and then i have to watch the first 30min of shrek: the musical on netflix. i can do the lines and stuff while at the drs office and (depending on how long i spend with my mom) before rehearsal. i might be able to watch s:tm before rehearsal, i might not. but, after class i have like, an hour free before my mom gets here, and i think i’m gonna nap, maybe. that should be enough to keep me going for the rest of the day. then, before bed, i’ll email this shit to hurricane bianca and tim the toolman and crash. or hang out with friends, idk just yet. i have an hour and a half before class rn, so i’m gonna get dressed, take my meds, and smoke, then i’ll see how long i have left, drink another monster, and maybe watch s:tm now. maybe.

we’re working on our monologues in class, so that means i’ll have some time to read atf and work on my mono character analysis. idk what’s happening in stagecraft, i just know i need to talk to prof j abt the spotlight shit i’m doing so ik wtf i’m doing. hopefully she doesn’t realize i’m dead tired. fingers crossed we can fake alertness, baby. done it before.

after that, i’mma nap for an hour, then go to my drs appt and work on my graph in the waiting room/while waiting to talk to the dr. hopefully i can get my adderall upped (not bc i want to abuse it, but bc it wears off too fast and it’s honestly not strong enough anymore bc i can’t focus after it levels out unless i constantly drink energy drinks and that’s not healthy). it’ll mean i probs won’t be able to abuse it ever again, tho, bc i’m afraid it would be too high to do that bc it already makes my heart race as is when i do that, but if it actually does its damn job the right fucking way, i won’t need to. that would be nice. i just want my fucking brain to work right, dammit. it’s all i want. if my brain could function in polite society, i’d be set. so, i’ll talk to him abt that, and abt my migraines and see if he can run some tests or something to see why they’re coming back (i’m p sure it’s stress/lack of sleep, but idk, that wasn’t what it was last time, so i’m a little worried).

but for now; meds, clothes, smoke, s:tm. in that order. then class. where i will try not to die. (tho, technically, i could get away with working on my graph in class if i wanted to, since my analysis isn’t due until tues and i can work on it this weekend, but the graph stuff is due (not technically, but hurricane biance is demanding it be done) by 11a tomorrow. like, i do get why, but the bitch could have been a little nicer abt it. or, idk, told me over fall break that he wanted it before the 19th??? ya know, when i had fucking time to do it???? fucking dumbass doesn’t give two shits abt anyone but himself. i’m p sure he’s not gonna like my work and is gonna either make me redo it or do it himself (and make me feel like shit) just bc it isn’t a++ material. it’s fuck a material, asshat. ik bc i’m good at hw, i just don’t do well with fake deadlines and no sleep. bitch. one day karma’s gonna knock him on his stupid ass and i’ll laugh myself to death. it’ll be great. i don’t know why ppl like him. he’s a horrible person. bitchy, snobby, flamboyant, and rude af. he’s just a jackass with no real personality or empathy.

so, i’mma get ready for class and try not to die. y’all cats have a great ass day. drink water, eat a vegetable, take a nap, punch a facist, whatever it takes to make your day great.

[whatidonttellyou]

well i’m still in love with her. I find pieces of her in other people. I only have a few letters still from her. I had no confidence. I let her words fill the space I never built. I let myself be a victim instead of standing up for myself and trusting the people in my life. she definitely could have been nicer, but i’m starting to realize that yes, I did have responsibility in it too.

it’s hard for me to accept that. I have this relationship with being right or being the best, I need to heal that. I have a pride issue, and it’s not very cute. but it’s okay, I can be cognisant and work through it.

but reading your promises to me, the beautiful future you told me about you are promising another woman. I cried reading those letters. it would have been so beautiful. and I miss it sometimes.

that brings me to the fact that truly I don’t know how to be alone. I haven’t been alone in years. i’m starting to breathe my own air again and i’m so excited to meet myself. she’s coming, I know she is.

i’m actually really cool :) I love working out, I love my sisters, IM VP PR AND MARKETINF BITCH!!! lol and this next single is about to slap so hard I could die!! photoshoot coming and a website and MERCHHH!! so that’s sick

so that’s that on that

also just tea now:

I made out w maddie ...? should I have? yes bc they cute and v nice but also like?? don’t want to lead them on

still in love w caleb that didn’t change lol that shits still there just realize I should probs move on w my life and just vibe w it he will love me eventually and if not it’s still okay

have a crush on hannah

and ronnie LOL

avril lavigne still slaps

and the real one

i’m still in love with kayla. duh.

[hellotvv]

Fun stories and realizations

When I hung out with Cat and Jenn yesterday during lunch, we talked about how our friends talk about us behind our backs. Like not in a bad way, but like we wonder how our friends talk about us when we’re not there. Catherine brought up the one thing that she hates about me is that her parents like me more than her current bf LOL. Her mom was like wow why aren’t you dating Theo, he’s so nice!! I appreciated it so much. Idk I like it when parents like me and I’m glad her mom and grandma likes me. It makes me think and realize that I’m actually not that bad with parents. I’m really good with one of my old best friend’s mom, she still asks about me to this day lol. My first gf Kristy’s mom liked me and still remembers me to this day! A couple other parents like me too, and I think it’s funny how cat’s parents like me hehe that they like me more than her bf. Idk I guess it’s a nice contrast with my ex. Since it felt like her friends didn’t really approve of me and neither did her family… but it felt so misunderstood :( since they never really got to know me as a person. I drove cat and her mom to meet fresh (ice cream) in Irvine, and I guess talked to her mom, and she got to know me and like me as a person. She’s a really strict mom too jesus! So idk, I feel like given the chance to actually sit down and get to know me (besides being a picky eater which I worked on), I think I can be a pretty nice, talkative, and charming boy?

Anyways, besides that story. I’ve been making an effort to hang out with friends back home more. From jia, to my cousin Khoa and his sister going to sb, Vivi, catherine, hope, Fyona, jenn (new friend nowadays woo), Helene and erika tomorrow, kristy (ex gf one), and yeah! Idk good to keep in touch with friends :) glad we’re all still friends hanging out years later!

I went to anime expo with catherine and it was alright. I’ve been every year, so it kinda became the same to me. I got a bit burnt out from spending too much time with ppl, and I felt like chilling at home by myself. But I suppressed that urge and try to make time with friends. Catherine said something that made me think tho. She was at the con with me and she said, she kinda wished her bf was here. I knew how she felt perfectly. I could recall a year ago, at the oc night market with Helene, stefanie was in Taiwan, and I remember wishing she was there with me. It felt like idk empty or weird like man this is cool and fun, but it would be a lot nicer with her here to share the experience with. But when I was at the con, although I understood how she felt. I felt just fine? Since I guess, I got used to being by myself and happy on my own or happy with friends. So i didn't really feel like oh it would be nice with x person was here right now. I guess it just means that I've become more independent and can be happy on my own, but it also means that idk can't really be sad if there's no one special to miss..?

Anyways, I realized some things about myself tho. I do think that I made some progress as a personal mentally. I know I haven't been the best bf in the past, I've made dumb mistakes, and regret a lot of them. I like to think that I learned from them, and can truly be a better person for someone special now. I like to think about what I have to offer, since idk I guess I think that relationships should improve someone's quality of life. I heard that from Jessica a long time ago. I felt like that's true, it should, and I want to be a great person for myself, but also for a SO. Since why would you not wanna be a good SO? Idk I feel like anyone who cares for me and I care for them, I should be in a place that I could idk protect them, treat them well, and can actually make them happy. Something I also realized is that for a SO, I really like when my SO is my best friend. But also a partner that I could do things with. I know it's good to have time apart and be independent. But it would be nice if idk I'm my SO first thought when it comes to cool things to do with. Like I wanna be such a special person to her and good company that when she thinks of like concerts or new places to try or just things to do, she wants to do with me first. I don't mean do everything with me. But it would be nice to be a first choice, since idk I wanna be my SO's #1 best friend that they would want to do special things or cool things with first if it's something that would appeal to both of us. Also I'm always down to make sacrifices and tag along to things, if it'll make her happy. Since I'm all about idk enjoying life and making memories together. So yeah, something I realized I want in a SO. Someone who would want to spend as much time with me, as much as I would with them. I could see an argument that I want to spend too much time with my SO, but that's subjective I guess. Since I'm a big fan of my alone time, browsing internet, reading, doing my hobbies, but I like some time to call or chat with my SO. Then it would be nice for me to spend vacations with them making memories, since typically busy during normal school year to make fun memories. Idk I guess just need someone who thinks same way :) if not, then obviously compromise is needed, since nobody is perfect. Everyone has their own opinions and own thoughts, and relationships between two ppl will always need some compromise! So yeahhh, prob someone who can compromise and be willing to make sacrifices is something i need to. Like fk I'm willing to sacrifice some comfort occasionally if it means that my SO will be happy, and honestly it'll make me happy in the end too! :) hopefully my futures SO will feel the same way too.

But yeah just random thoughts and analysis on what I realized I want and fun stories. Summer is good, and gonna try to make this year great! I'm gonna try to be happy and stay happy like always :)

[bookreadalongs]

Wow, Lara J, I Get You

15:49 5/8/2017

85. All cutesy and smiles on the outside, but on the inside bitter thought. “I guess she didn’t think a girl like me could really shine at UVA.” 86. “He’s a Potter person, like us.” I thought it said “like the rest of us” and I was like yes! 87. I feel like Ravenclaw would suit Margot, but that’s because she’s a Ravenclaw…probably. LJ’s…very creative, but probably hufflepuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was Gryffindor…actually, she’s very scared about a lot of things. I don’t think she lets fear rule her life, but I think it does affect it (naturally) to a degree that she wouldn’t be Gryffindor. I’d love for Ravi to be Slytherin. Yo, where’s Josh going to school? 88. Dad didn’t think Margot would be the hardest to please, I bet. Lara Jean always chirps on about her mother. Margot did have he most time with her though… 91. I love the way they talk about their family. LJ said earlier– Tumblr is doing it again. Anyway, I’ll ignore it right now, just focusing on not making typos that I can’t see. LJ said they were a Butter in the fridge family. Same. Now, Margot says they are not a Fresca family. Love it. I never thought of our family this way, but everyone has their quirks. Family’s as a whole certainly do.

I can’t handle this. 15:59 can’t see

16:23 102. Me. I’m probably And Peggy, but I’d rather not condemn myself that way. 106. I remember how much I wanted Tia there when I found a prom dress…goodness gracious Tumblrr. Okay, I’ll switch to desktop 16:28 16:32 114. Okay, I caved. Peter is included in the proposal though! Like, woah! Would it be overkill if she said no? Like LJ’s rejection? She won’t though…just all of these expectations, planning the future around assumptions 116. AHHHHH I CAN’T THAT IS SO NICE PETER AND KITTY 121. That’s so embarrassing. I thought KITTY called her Tree because she was tall… 16:56 I suck. I read the last paragraph. It was perfect. By the last paragraph, I mean the last two pages basically. Mom basically said to postpone making dinner. I will for half an hour to an hour. 7:29 138. LJ…she’s so cute. It doesn’t annoy me at all that she’s pretty. She’s just…she’s a good one to be pretty. 140. Literal same. I’m so there. Draft talk is always like wat. I tried to look it up a few times. I feel like I got caught reading about other countries or something. 140-141. He’s so cute. So young. So full of life and promise. AHHH SAME LARA JEAN 141. He’s so cute and perceptive. 143. I totally had those thoughts. In his twenties that I may never get to meet. 146. I just remembered that cliche thing is what I say. Cliches are cliches for a reason. I hope Chris remembers LJ’s birthday 147. I love it. 148. Will KITTY and Owen….?? 151. HAHAHAHAH WOW FACE MASKS?! 153. Oh, I’ve been wanting to watch that for years! Because…Burdge 156. See, right now I don’t relate to Lara Jean much at all. I would not be this hands on in a wedding during school, I don’t think. I wonder if the Asian heritage subconsciously plays a role for me I wonder if Tia saying asians were weird in my childhood made a difference for me. Lily wasn’t. Tia liked Lily a lot…she also appreciated nicer people. I don’t know. I know I’m more easily jealous of another Asian than others…I just want to break down all of my walls of prejudice 159. I love this exchange “Sure, but I could’ve had that idea on my own, you know. You should at least give me a chance to have ideas.” I pay him on the knee. “Just please don’t forget.” 160. Dang. I forgot they were related. I thought he just volunteered too. Sneaking out and playing in the snow…so sweet. 161. I’m not entirely sure who sent that text. 162. Oh right. I wish we got to see Margot Meeting Stormy. I have been thinking about writing and don’t know how to avoid the boring parts…but JHan just skips them. If their too rudimentary and have little purpose, just don’t include them. They need to contribute to the story. 163. The offer, true offer, is what counts for me too. I can be furious or ready to cry, and someone can say, I’m sorry. I can __ and suddenly I’m all good. Because that’s all I needed. A genuine offer to clean the dish or do this or that, then I’ll do it anyway…because all I was ever really searching for was the offer. - for a second I thought she’d rethink and go to school in Richmond. Probs not though 164. Wow. A year ago. We missed most of LJ’s senior year. I want to know what she did. Mostly spend it with Peter? Go to those parties? 167. WHAT WHAT WHAT?! WAT WAT. WHAAAAAT? I always pictured John Ambrose McClaren as a really smart dude destined for…I don’t know…an Ivy, I guess. Love it. 168. LJ is just too darn relatable sometimes. I swear, she can appeal to such a great audience. “I say it like I don’t remember her name, even though I do, I mean, I just heard him say it two minutes ago.” 19:10 My potato pancakes are a struggle. They were supposed to be a quick easy dinner… 180. I get that. Knowing someone so well… 181. Lip jut out. Awwww 182. I wish I went to after prom…in Shaker I wish I had Tia’s high school life 183. But Chris knew she’d spend time with LJ during her birthday after all 184. AHHH IT IS ALMOST CHEATING USING ALL THESE CUTESY MOVIE CLICHES BUT I LOVE IT 185. Little lines that are vague and obvious, but hit you are why I like Jenny Han. “I guess that’s part of growing up too–saying goodbye to the things you used to love.” Ah, so that’s why she wished to always love Peter as much as she did in that moment. I guess John Green’s thing that Ryan loved and bought was so deep about funerals being for the living is also…like what I love. The cliches authors know teenagers and anyone– I feel like I’ll love this later in life too, will love because they feel that tug of authenticity in the quote. You can connect to it by thinking of a particular feeling or memory even though the line wasn’t explicitly written for you. 190. He doesn’t say anything because he hasn’t broken t to her that they will not have all summer because DI lax or because they only have summer? 191. Leaving high school…damn that would’ve been crazy in Shaker 193. I let the breathing thing slide even though I thought it was funny. Kitty saying let’s not get carried away made me actually laugh though. This book has the most feminine cover and coloring ever 196. This is the first time Chris has been more of a good thing than a bad thing I feel like. I would do this. 197. I know Peter will try to call as your phone is dead. He’ll be all but LJ doesn’t let her phone die! Wat is going on 199. Tell him that. Text him rather than being spiteful! I’m always spiteful though 201. She definitely plays the role of introvert well, but…I don’t know. People can be introverted and just not be as socially anxious I guess. 204. Chris’ big attitude and talk are coming down now…it’s refreshing. 206. Another use of the phrase “it’s cliche for a reason” 208. This is a great page. It gave me chills. A genuine connection between Lara Jean and her future step mom. Differentiating her life from Peter…laughter from lack of sleep. Matriarchy 211. Oh goody! I’d love for them not to go to a party too! 213. As my Dear Evan Hansen would say, we start with stars in our eyes…Peters have deflated a little 214. Wow, Virginia Tech? Aren’t tech schools harder? Is Gen like smart? 216. Lols me as a girlfriend. Literal the shitty parts of me as a girlfriend 217. Why is he a dick? For getting drunk? That’s certainly part of it. Not being completely happy? Fair, but, yes, dickish. He seems to have changed a lot since dating her though. I don’t think she realizes that. 218. Hahaha love him - A truth universially acknowledged that a man with a fortune must be in want of a wife? Or something like that. It’s been a few years. 3? 220. I laughed again at “Do I need to explain to you guys again about Silpat versus parchment paper?” “We got it.” Hahaha her share of cookies 222. Hahah “Hey, I’m built.” 225. HAHAHA THE LONG CON. GOTTA GET PETER ON YOUR SIDE 227. Does Jenny Han also follow Burdge? Or are all of these coincidences (okay, two, Amelie and tread softly because you tread on my dreams) 229. That’s sweet 232. I just realized Jenny Han sneakily maneuvered back to the beach. @TheSummerITurnedPretty 233. Those trying very hard to be relatable lines…not being able to find a hair tie when you need one 234. High school being a time to remember for the rest of your life…. 20:04 Gotta make food. Not feeling reading anymore. 20:28 236. IT can be hard bringing up snooping. It's because he lied. Lies suck 238. Feelingly? -basketball hoop heist? @barneystinson 241. WOAH HOW DID I NEVER GET THAT SHE WENT TO CAMILLA'S SCHOOL? I guess...if it's been two years since this came out, and I read the second one reasonably before Camilla told me I could've forgotten. Still. Bad friend move 243. Eek is right. She's trying 246. Woah. That's something KITTY would say. Ruthless That's an interesting take on why it's better to be in a fight rather than passive aggressive pensiveness 247. KITTY THAT IS SO SWEET! No one would've been able to tell Kitty to do that. That's the cutest thing ever 248. Oh, Peter 250. LJ is so endearing 253. That's so cute. Lara Jean liked Kitty's nose earlier 256. They're both understandably petty. 257. Good ol' John Ambrose McClaren 258. I wish we got to see that talk of LJ being the star of that costume...now that I think about it...he always does let her be the star WAIT WHEN ARE THEY GOING TO THE BEACH? DID IT ALREADY HAPPEN?! THERE IS SO LITTLE BOOK LEFT! I was content at the end of PS I still love you. I so will not be content now. I feel like that has less to do with the books than my state of being 259. Wtf you took your grandmother to karaoke and we didn't get to see that? I feel jypped Oh good. Somehow I knew Beach Week hadn't happened yet. Time just jumps sometimes in these books. 20:53 20:10 262. Oh, Lara Jean, so romantic. I wish I was like that 269. Hahaha John Ambrose McClaren is so cute. What a rabbit 270. JHan is totally trying to make him cute too "still holding the carrot" What the BUT? He was going to her school, then she goes to the school he planned to transfer to? They just have weird, but many similarities. It's why he's so cute. Because she's so cute He's genuinely happy for her doing what he couldn't 274. Just don't be too offended when he doesn't eat it because diet. Also, how can you be so skinny, LJ? 276. LJ is very confident...she's a good role model. Good job, Jenny Han 277. She understands a layer of someone who she loves more than life itself be away 278. He really respects her 21:24 21:28 279. I love him. I love his precautions. I love that he literally jumped away when she said wait Have they ever even been half unclothed? 280. He's so reassuring 285. Woah. PETER OH MY GOSH YOU ARE SO RECKLESS AND EVERYTHING ELSE IN TREACHEROUS. YOU STILL HAVE STARS IN YOUR EYES. YOU ARE SO CUTE 289. It's so hard. It truly is. 290. The house feels small. Rather than big. With her feeling so small That's the most younger sister thing I have ever heard. "Margot and I are on the same level, and you're on the level below us because, you're the youngest." Lara Jean is that bridge. Perks of middle child...though I frequently see the oldest and youngest with stronger relationships because they just don't have friction as much 293. That's nice that Margot noticed. I get not telling her. Tia is great, gives wonderful advice...but sometimes I feel like she doesn't completely listen to me when she has made up her mind...or that she talks down to me if she does listen 294. Pigtails? LJ is childish sometimes 299. One drink? Yeah...I can't do that Ah, yes. The drunk slight cop out 302. I mean, all of that does make sense in his perspective. 303. Wow. What a good moment for Margot and Trina to make amends, or start to, right before the wedding 304. I love that this was her first hang over. I realized this whole book I've been nervous she was going to just let loose at some party. This kind of makes sense 305. Why does Kitty know? 308. These children are all so privileged. To think she could get anything she needs...on the spur 309. Yeah....that's the thing about growing up. Nothing will ever be the same 310. Is it normal to only have one or two friends from high school? I guess so... 311. I just had real flashbacks to too much frosting during OL...asking about f it was homemade. I would've made it. I was talked out of it. If everything went how I thought it would and should....I guess I'll never know if I ever could've 316. I read that as ice cream. I was like interesting for a wedding 317. Ahh my heart. Tears actually formed. He was so scared. She gave him the scrapbook or break up... 320. I love how uncertain that is. Jenny Han knows that. "With all the certainty only a teenage boy can have" 321. Wow. I love it. I love him. He's so imperfect. Why only tell us this now? I was just wondering when she got it back 322. AHHH NOW SHE'S LEAVING TO COLLEGE?! I guess...this is already so subtle and contemporary. The only times it shows are little times of conflict. She showed all of the cutesy in the beginning to convince us all of their love...I feel like I need to reread the first one mow..this is so sad That's totally the point. A chapter ending. I wonder if this was sad for Jenny Han 324. The dream. My dream. Marrying my childhood best friend...that's Jack though. He's crazy. He's a star. Tia says he's gay. Wouldn't put it past him. He's amazing, but I just don't think I will ever feel that way. I mean, I totally did kindergarten and fourth grade, but...he's not my best friend anymore... I forgot so much. I should've reread them all before reading this. I remember he got that brooch or something for her from his mom's store...but don't remember everything. 325. Wow. I know I read it earlier. I read it preemptively like a little brat. This was a really good book. It was different...powerful. The other books were cute. I loved them in that way. The one that got away. Josh. They weren't relatable for me. I loved them. Jenny Han plays the being able to love them, but love Peter more extremely well. I have to say, though I always think this after reading something new that I like...5 stars. Maybe 4.85. I love it. It's so cute. It's not 100% relatable, but it is somewhat, and it's great in ways that it's not relatable. Throwback when it was too perfect, and I was unsure about it. Look how far we've come. That was a perfect ending. I love Jenny Han so much. I love it all. The fact that they're still so close...that they can go home on three day weekends...I ache for that...but...it's good for them. It really is. I went to Barnes and noble for the last time today. Well, the last time here. I sneakily took a picture of Jenny's Q and A in the B&N exclusive version. I felt very...wrong doing it. I looked over my shoulder, quickly did it, then quickly put the book back...I am so bad at being bad. It was just the question of what LJ's wedding song with Peter would be and what her wedding song with JAM would be. Wow. Gotta love those initials. At Last was perfect. They are so good for each other...truly soul mates in another life. Well, he probably is transferring to UNC...no. Peter and LJ though. They can do it. Please? I love that this is where it ends. It feels ended. It's such a good place to end it. They still have stars in their eyes. They never really fought. This will be different. 4 hours though...no...like 3.5...that's so reasonable. They can do it. 22:24 22:25 OKAY AHHHHHHH! I went to read the playlist again (for about the fourth or fifth time, I know. I suck) and it ended with Frank Ocean...because, well, sex. Love it. Sneaky. Okay...I think it's really done now...I will make some of the sweets in the back sometimes. Pour one out for LJ and her sweet tooth and her sweet relationships with her family and Peter. 22:26