#it looks less dramatic than i wanted it to be hmmmmmmmmm

[theunconcernedembalmer]

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Rubs hands together

[kae-karo]

ya okay so that video ... that was the best thing that happened to me today? it was so cute? and silly? i didn't care about the game at all i was just watching dnp be their goofy selves and loving every second!? i mean come on!!! dan pushing phil around the apartment was the cutest thing ever?? but what are your thoughts on the new video/ your favourite moments?? (you're always so good at articulating and finding the best things in everything)

oof. okay, here we go (warning there’s a Lot i have no self control) (edit: this is for the asphalt 9 dapg vid)

really another vine reference i love them sm

a fact that everybody must know we need to be proper phil trash and we need to learn from phil trash #1

improve phil’s lives lmao it’s the inverse of “our life” he’s gone so far he’s reversed now

phil bab what’s this face

the fastest and super cutest lil tongue thing ever (0:31)

phils rooooooooooooots

why??? are there so many jumpcuts??? like idk they’re not even like. casual jumpcuts they’re like kinda obvious ones????

dan changing his mind as he’s trying to say “i feel think they know this” (1:01)

first of all phil just deciding dan needed a mustache (and dan defending people who don’t have mustaches)

dan says mustache phil says mustache

the fucking spongebob thing

‘i’m gonna have to imagine you’re my driving instructor’ roleplay, kinky

“our chest”

dan just,,,,,,accepting the mustache (see the above ‘roleplay, kinky’ comment)

dan laughing through the entirety of calling himself a driving instructor

and then talking slightly Off for the entire rest of the vid bc he has a mustache on and he’s trying to keep it from falling off (he also doesn’t smile as much or be quite as expressive as he usually is bc that would make it Fall)

a realistic earth-based car game??? what the eff were they gonna play that wasn’t an earth-based car game????

as we all know, mario kart and actual driving are basically the same thing, right? throwback to that time phil said he would beat a pro racer at mario kart (x)

another???? jumpcut???? mid sentence????

touchyyyyyy

giggly lads

let’s count how many times dan does the lean on desk head on his fist thing i’m up to 2 right now (spoiler: there’s 2 lmao)

head pats (maybe phil really is a cat)

phil’s eYEbRoWs (5:04)

dan picked the first driving place and let phil pick the other two

2 important things here 1 dan is not sitting normally in the chair and 2 captain america socks wonder who those belong to

phil’s first reaction to dan’s possible distractions was ‘don’t tickle me’ hmmmmmmmmm thinking emoji starry-eyed emoji

i’m sorry i can’t stop looking at phil’s eyes they’re so so blue n green n bright??? like there’s smth about him in black that really makes his features stand out n his eyes pop

side note dan is still eschewing his ‘all black’ branding? and phil’s sporting that black shirt???? i’m living

why the ever-loving fuck do they have that gold hat like why the sunglasses are from the nov pic in the dog calendar, the cactus as phil said was from tatinof but like. really? was that supposed to be like. for dan’s diss track way back when or smth??? (i have no bloody clue where the emoji things came from)

“u dont wanna get tickled by a tree branch” and phil clearly thought he was boutta get tickled

phil’s first no (6:57) sounded exactly like a dan ‘no’? when he’s scared? trust me i have done studies (x)

i h8 my demon self but “and you know what happens when your friends are texting you things?” followed by the heart eyes emoji. then “’oh phil i love you’ says the mysterious person you’re sexting” dan. dan. babe. pls. (’phil send me a sexy picture!’) given the rest of the contents of this fake texting convo i feel like this was based on irl conversations (i mean,,,,”what’s the tea?” “pizza?” lads,,,,,)

ANOTHER SUPER FAST LIL TONGUE THING (8:08)

that

another jumpcut? am i just looking for them or are they just way more obvious than usual???

why is this screenshot making me giggle uncontrollably

the most??? casual handoff?? of a hat??? i’ve ever seen???? why is this important i have no idea it was just so smooth?????? (8:40) except then dan just,,,,,throws it

what the fuck is the random zoom??? clearly phil was editing bc he just did a zoom on dan’s lips mustache

significantly less obvious jumpcut (9:04) clearly dan had to explain what he wanted phil to guess lmao reminds me of a certain jumpcut after a certain phil was asked what surname he’d pick if he could have any surname 👀👀

the softest phil voice maybe ever when he says “what does that mean?” (9:06)

“you get like a full day’s power in half an hour” we love casual not-sponning and also rhyming

same tho

dan’s wiggly head thing (10:16) i love

i love british people pronouncing things like garage :)

a better thing to count: the number of times dan says “it’s fine”

phil being super smiley throughout the whole ‘race’ 

poor lil bab phil falling??? and gigging through the whole thing? and still playing?? you go philly we love u

“phil,,,,,,u just drove off a bridge,,,,,” “right” “i don’t know what to say” *dramatic zoom* “just let me get to the end”

“they were right in my ass” kay phil

he’s literally still playing and he does the hand over his mouth thing phil both hands on the wheel 

i know it’s a british thing but the way dan says sixth like sick-th instead of sicks-th

i feel like some of y’all will appreciate these

somehow phil found a way to shame dan????

yas phil stare at ur man

was he like???? jealous of dan’s fake mustache or smth???

alright i’m calling it now dan’s secretly a snek or lizard man that’s all there is to it (12:50) that would explain a lot of the furry/scaley jokes

“sticker for your boo-boo” okay dan

another,,,,,,jumpcut????

i love when phil looks at dan like this, i know it’s his ‘i’m waiting for u to be done so i can say smth’ face and sometimes his ‘i’m just listening to u do ur thing n talk lots’ but idk i just love it???

phil’s absolute non-reaction to ‘hope that tickles your pickle’,,,,,,and then ‘taps your app’ was so much worse? dan has a thing for sensationalizing everything phil says (and rightly so we love phil he is a sensation) don’t tap my bap

‘just never leave the house to be honest’ aka ‘phil bb don’t leave me ever okay????’ y’all that’s a joke don’t take it srs

[staravya]

boop boop spop liveblog under cut \o/

Glimmer looking nice!!

Aww I missed this theme song

AWW I MISSED BEAU

Poor glimmer (also: stress? Mood)

Oh no every time adora thinks she has a brain cell I start Worrying™

Frosta is HILARIOUSSSSS

Awww glimmer :<

Heeeeello fluffy dorky cat, have you learned consequences yet? Please?

Ugh shadow Weaver get fucked

Swifty pls

I love Scorpia so much. I love her!! I love her!!!!!! CATRA IF YOU TOUCH HER ILL BREAK YOU IN HALF

huffs. Anyway.

Awwwwwwww glimmer :(

AAAAHH TEAMWORK!! New sword forms!!!! Nice!

WINGSSSSSSSSSS

also the worm guardian is super cute actually, I love it. I want a dozen of them.

On one hand, vaguely satisfying (and terrifying) to see Catra take the lead! On the other, ughhhHHHH can we please get a redemption pLEASE I WANT HER TO BE GOOD ;n;

Haha good to know that when glimmer is doing Active Queen things she actually doesn’t have the fucking. Best friend squad shared brain cell.

Oh no their dumbass jock energy feeds INTO each other. Huntara and Adora, please don’t kill each other. Or get each other killed

I love Scorpia so much asdfghjkl

Double trouble seeeeeeeeems okay so far and I WANNA love them but I’m wary

Wow okay. Shapeshifter, “darling”, dramatique... they’re hitting every tropish weakness of mine. Oof

Uhhhhhhh glimmer. Glimmer? I am concern

WOOO ADORA, FLIP THAT SCRIPT!!!!

The ship is gone by now ain’t it. Ain’t it.

Also oh no they cute. Plumeria and huntara being cute.

So, status: love Scorpia, love Double Trouble, love Adora, love Bow. Would LIKE to love catra but she’s being a DUMBASS. Would like to love glimmer but I’m very concern about her.

Ah. A dream sequence. Will she learn Consequences now or? Probs not huh

HEY DONT HURT EMILY >:((((((

Ughhhhhh that cycle of—oh hey DT!! I love you!!!—of abuse huh. I’m anxiousssss

MOTH PEOPLE VERY CUTE!! Adora weak for big muscles lmaooo

Flutterina is cool buT I CANT ACCEPT ANY OF THIS IM WORRIED ABOUT DT BEING SPY

Lmao she ra cake and bow magic tricks.

YIKES SHE RA NOOOOOOO THAT OVERCONFIDENCE IS GOING TO GET PPL KILLED

Squints at this flutterina. Is she a trap. She feels trappish.

Awww Scorpia I love you

LmAO THEYRE SO STUPID! No brain cells!!

I... I honestly live for electrocuted & injured heroes but I’m enjoying it less than I normally would bc FEAR!! WHO IS DT!!!!!! Is it flutterina? She just wanted to join the rebellion so I tHINK IT IS BUT HMMMMMMMMM

Please let Scorpia have friends :’((((((

Yup it’s flutterina. Yuh oh spaghettios!

AWWW YES THE GIRLFRIENDS. oh no ambush.

OH NO I see how flutterina could get annoying huh

DT’s design!! Pet names!!!! Love in fun and dramatics!!!!!!!!! Also why they keep blinking normally when they also blink sideways?

UGH SHADOW WEAVER. Glimmer doesn’t seem to be holding the best friend squad’s brain cell this season unfortunately.

STOP TOUCHING HER SHADOW WEAVER

Oh no bow :0

Hm. All this she ra power really indicating that that there’s gonna be she ra decisions about HMMMM later on

I love DT. That theatre kid energy is KILLING ME

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shadow Weaver

Oh lmao catra thought that glimmer was l DT for a sec

Glimmer and catra fight pretty nice!

Awwwww the girlfriends so good

Awww adora pouty

Yuh oh glimmer. No brain cell. Seems like DT’s loaned theirs to catra in the meantime? Lmao

Hmm light hope. She’s a lil,, iffy. LMAO THE WHOLE THING CRASHED AND REBOOTED.

I love the lizard guy!!!! Rogelio? He’s great

Catra lookin Stressed™ lmao and I’m glad people are Noticing that she’s dumbass

LMAO DUMBASS LIGHT HOPE

Adora trying to reboot light hope is a big computer science student mood

Awwww mara

HMMMM LIGHT HOPE. WHAT PROJECT.

GOOD MORNING SCORPIA!!!!!! I love you!!

Also hmmmmm best friend squad got a few squad cracks

Catra’s ear twitch is a big fav tbh.

AWWWW EMILY AND SCORPIA

ugh catra.

AWWWWWW BOW I LOVE HIM!! Coordinating a heart to heart in the middle of the battle.

I’m going to cry over the super pal trio

Hohoho. Hm. Emily might be the key turning point for Scorpia.

EEEEEEEYY SCORPIA

Catra highkey projecting huh. And I hope hordak sees that she’s being Stupid—hm. No. Nope. Apparently not.

I’m so happy for Scorpia and Emily ;v;

Mermista is so funny and dramatic lmAO THIS IS SUCH A GOOD START

Hmmmmm. I am very. Concern. About adora being super Triggered by shadow weaver’s mere existence and Glimmer apparently not keeping Adora in the loop ><

Oh my goddddd—HEY. HEY GLIMMER. HEY GLIMMER THATS A HIGHKEY CATRA MOVE—oh! Oh okay plans and plots nice.

“It was really hard do not ask me to do that ever again” haha I love adora

Hello hello double trouble!! I’m glad to see you and that dramatic emotional payoff of a REVEALED SPYYYYYY

Oh rip. Big F

[brocolirose]

I have lost sleep.

So to speak. When I fall asleep, I’m a log for at least 8 hours. Such a waste of life. (Look at me, being an angsty teenager at age 27. That’s what 4:30AM sleep-deprived cynicism looks like.) But this pattern of not going to sleep before 4AM has been recurring very often in the past 2 or 3 weeks, and this time I mustered up the focus to write down those things that bug me, and those things that stress the fuck out of me. Hear Me Ramble.

One of the biggest challenges I face with journaling as an activity is choosing the medium. Putting pen to paper is the most satisfying, sensorially. Tracing the letters, forcing myself not to write in a jumble, whiting out mistakes and re-writing on top.... They’re the small, irreplaceable pleasures. Typing is a lot less about fine motor skills and less emotionally invested (at least in my case -- I put a lot of thought in the form and content of manuscript text) -- but it is much quicker, much cleaner, much more flexible, and above all easy to reference. I sometimes read my very old blog posts, and I wonder both at how much/little different I am from back then and at the fact I have actually journaled/blogged so little in the past 7 years. Where did my writing go ?

Well, to put it bluntly: it probably went in the sinkhole of Facebook comments, for the most part. I spent so much time fighting losing battles. Then you give up on Internet crusades when you burn out from the broken-record conversations. Anyway I don’t recall writing a lot more besides that and getting my college degree in Korean studies. Boy did I learn how to properly scratch paper in those 3 years. (Funny thing is: my laptop kinda broke down in the first year and needed to be constantly plugged in, so I couldn’t really bring it to campus and use it to take notes -- so I got really good at switching my color gel pens while scribbling.)

Anywho (I love this silly little word), writing used to be a way for me to process my feelings and thoughts, and somewhere along the way it just got dropped. There was also a time I took a lot of photos and went through the trouble of sorting my favorites, editing them and showing them (in my FB photos, ifyou’re looking for impressive). But one then the other vanished, mostly around the time I got a first boyfriend, and then when life became a busy whirlwind (to my standards -- I need a loooot of leisure time -- not having found my calling and whatnot). I’ve made a few feeble attempts at writing over the past year, to deal with my depression, in the context of therapy -- but I got hung up on the medium, and never could find consistency.

But fuck it. Pen and paper is a pain to carry around then review. Livejournal is as good as dead. So here I am, on my last long-standing blog. A kingdom of isolation, stranded on the far shores of.... well, Tumblr. Whatever that means.

(It’s a 5AM ramble now, woohoo!)

Oh I have a bit of that rice drink and matcha, let me drink that to quench my thirst. Yummy.

If you’re still reading this, wayward voyager, let me reward your patience now and tell you what has been stressing me out. See, I have been living and working full time in a different country than my own, living on my own (and then with a flatmate) for the first time in my life, making good money (considering the job), and getting a taste of adulthood I never had before. But this “time away” has not gone according to plan (life, duh) and shit started hitting the fan 6 months in. It’s been nearly 4 years since I realized I had nearly all the symptoms of chronic depression, and so far no doctor, therapist or counselor has contested this self-applied diagnosis (nor did they diagnose anything on top, which is a relief). But here in Cork I was suddenly forced to take care of it, and for the first time I had a proper network of support to guide me toward the help I needed. In Paris I never had the time or energy or interest to look up the help myself, and mom paid rent. Locked in a situation where I needed to provide for myself, but couldn’t carry out my work because of recurring breakdowns, and refusing to fold back onto my Paris mommy-shelter, I left myself few rescue routes: get better, or end it. You might have noticed I’m still here.

(or am I?)

Long story short, this year has really helped me tie up a few loose ends, and opened up the path to resolving other issues, instead of drawing a curtain on them.

- I mourned a friendship (or two); - I took responsibility for my feelings in general, and figured out the emotional hardships I was willing to tackle in a long-distance, polyamorous relationship (there have been many); - I started to really get the wisdoms of Buddhism and Stoicism, and it helped me keep a less dramatic outlook on life; - I Netflixed the months away, and caught up on a lot of shows I would have never seen otherwise. (honestly I don’t remember a fifth of it, and the remaining less-than-a-fifth is very unlikely to be useful in daily life or conversation, and I’m just not a TV-show-fangirl -- so we may bar this whole thing as a huge waste of time and money, but I’ll own this.) - I have never drawn so much in a very long time. I posted a lot of stuff on Instagram lately, relatively speaking. Paradoxically I got myself a new laptop in January to do more digital stuff, but ended up, over the last 6 months, filling out a drawing pad instead: twice bigger than the previous one, and filled twice faster. My brain’s a twat. Or maybe just my expectations are. Fuck me, whatever. - Now that I’m coming to grips with emotional hygiene, I’ll be able to start building some financial hygiene. Because I wasn’t able to save more than my ass’ skin and what it takes to keep it dry, warm, clean and peachy.

I’m also figuring out that instead of being a nice smart badass waiting for her chance in life, I am more of a wasteful cowardly fuckwit with delusions of grandeur -- while paradoxically knowing my life is shit, yes. (not top-grade never-getting-out-of-there shit, but still shit. Entry-level shit, if you will.) But I used to think that I deserved better and just didn’t get the starting boost I thought I had deserved by virtue of being born with whatever beautiful brain I thought I had been endowed with.

Truth is: although I’m human and thus inherently flawed, so far I’ve done a pretty terrible job of picking up the skills needed to progress in life as an autonomous adult. Just to say I’m not as smart as I like to think I am.

Somehow this thought is liberating. It’s good to be an idiot. To embrace being a dimwit. No need to impress anybody, even myself.

That doesn’t mean I will let everything go strapless and become even more thoroughly irresponsible and aimless than I already am. I simply want to acknowledge the very likely possibility that I’ve been setting the bar a little too high for myself by factoring in a stellar intellect that flirts with no other stars than those wriggling over the seabed floor.

So there: I’m stupid, and it’s okay. It just means I should get my sheep in a row and work harder, otherwise my peachy ass becomes crisp bacon. (hmmmmmmmmm bacon 🥓)

(It’s 6AM, I wouldn’t mind some bacon and eggs.)

Hmmmm I didn’t get too much into detail, and I suppose I’ve rambled enough because I don’t feel like going on. But it felt good. :) So I’m going to close off by saying that what stresses me out is that I may not be fully ready when the day comes that I have to fly back to Paris (July 5th), and I’ll have to leave plenty of stuff here because I didn’t move my butt to expedite my stuff back nor sell what I could. And I’m afraid of losing other friends as I figure out how to go about being a polyamorous, sliiiightly bisexual person with values that do not bar flirting with someone who happens to be somebody else’s “other half”. I’m also scared I won’t find a livelihood whose required work won’t drive me crazy or suicidal.

Because I’ve experienced these things. But I’m not afraid of going stag on a backpacking trip across Europe and more. Because, of that, I am clueless.