#it just loves everything that feels sad and broken in its absence

[lilacerull0]

me when it's sunny: oh i am not that bad of a person after all.

[iloveboysinred]

Hiii, your keith hc where absolutely perfect, and I wanted to ask would it be able to get some fluffy hc or one-shot (whatever you prefer more) of keith kogane please ?, have a lovely day or night 💓💓

Hi anon! Thank you so much for your ask. I think i’ll make this a one shot if you dont mind, I’ve been writing lots of hcs lately and i’m already planning fluffy HCs for Keith to be posted later on this week! Hope you enjoy 💕

My home is with you[Keith Kogane]

Vld Keith x Gn reader

Synopsis: Keith has been gone for two weeks. You start to feel his absence, and the team feels it too. Soon enough, he comes back and takes you away to spend time with you in his own special way

Cw; fluffy Keith, brief and i mean briefff mention of intercourse. Sorta angst but not really? Just you being sad and missing Keith. Happy ending. Kinda lengthy i hope you dont mind. Not a lot of dialect!

Masterlist

To say you missed Keith was an understatement. Between saving conquered planets, keeping the castle stable, and even Keith’s marmora training, you had barely gotten the chance to really sit down and have a nice, quiet night with your boyfriend. Everything felt tense all the time. There was always a lingering sense of panic, never being able to fully relax while Zarkon, and now, Lotor still lurked. They were an ever present danger you never knew when they would strike next.

The one thing you missed the most about earth besides your family and friends was the sense of normalcy you once had. The routine you had set for your life. When you would come over to Keith’s house, an old, isolated and broken down shack in the desert, with creaky floors and dusty broken windows. The place needed some work, but that never mattered to you or Keith. The love that was brewing inside every single time you would pay him a visit is all you and Keith could care about. You missed the cool, quiet nights where you and Keith would sit on his roof, staring up at the very same constellations you’ve now flown by and seen up close. Talking about your dreams, sharing secrets. He would hold you close and you would kiss him, running your fingers through his dark hair, whispering soft words of affection to each other.

You loved waking up next to him after a night of passion, your body aching from the love you had made, every bite and mark on your skin fresh and still stinging. You would glance down at him, sleeping peacefully, hair a mess and adorning matching marks of his own, before getting up and fixing breakfast with whatever he had in the fridge, making a mental note to tell Shiro to take you grocery shopping for Keith later that day. While you cooked he would come up behind you, wearing an old, warn out pair of sweats, hair disheveled, eyes blinking tiredly, still low and half lidded from sleep, but he still looked as handsome as ever. You would sink into his embrace, swaying side to side as you tended to the food cooking on the stove.

Now you sat cold and alone in his room. You’d see Keith less and less as time went on, The Blade of Marmora taking up almost all his time. You understood how important this was to him, you were happy he found a group to belong to, and you know what he was doing was bigger than yourselves. But you’d also began to feel his absence, and it was taking its toll on you. You slept in his room and wore his clothes, those being the only comfort you had whenever Keith was gone for days, sometimes weeks on a mission. It was nothing compared to the feeling in your stomach when he would wrap his arms around you and bring you down to bed with him, the washed out smell of him on his clothes dulled in comparison to the lingering familiar scent of his shampoo, surrounding you every time he embraced you. Nothing could fill in for Keith, and everyone in the castle could see how much you missed him.

So when Keith came back to the castle (unbeknownst to you) Shiro sat him down to have a talk.

Shiro explained that he has known you for as long as he’s been taking care of him. He could tell you werent being yourself and he was concerned with Keith’s frequent absences. “The team needs you, Keith.” Shiro sighed, placing his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “But Y/n needs you the most. You’re the only piece of home they’ve got. Try to be here some more. If not for Voltron then do it for them.” Keith nodded to himself, looking down in shame. He missed you too, but he had been so wrapped up with the Blades that he barely had time to worry about how he felt, or even about how you felt. Guilt fell in his stomach as if he’d swallowed a stone. “I know Shiro, i’m gonna make it up to them, and you guys. I promise.”

You had been sitting in the dining hall chit chatting with Allura and Lance when he came in, you didnt notice at first, picking at your food goo and nodding here and there when Lance would try to include you in the conversation. Keith took your lack of awareness as a chance to study you. Your hair was messily tossed into a hair tie, just as he always loved it, and you were wearing one of his plain black shirts. Keith felt a swell of emotion in his chest when he’d seen your face. Uninterested and blank, missing the spark he’d always search for. He could see from here how he’s impacted you, and his heart felt like it would shatter into a million pieces.

“And then i was like what the quiznak- oh hey Keith! Youre back” Lance chirped, exchanging a knowing look with Allura. But Keith didnt respond, his eyes locked with yours as you whipped around, eyebrows almost raising into your hairline. “Keith! You’re here!” You cried as you launched yourself into his chest, wrapping your arms around him and nuzzling your face into him. Keith smiled wrapping his arms around you to steady you. “Yeah I am..sorry I was gone for so-“ you didnt let him finish, pressing your lips to his and wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him down to meet you. You kissed sweetly, melting into each other.

You barely noticed Allura and Lance snickering at you while they exited the room. Too concerned with eating your boyfriend’s face to care about the teasing you’re probably going to deal with later. After a few moments Keith pulled away, he held your wrists gently in his as he looked into your eyes with all the love he had for you, smiling softly at you. “I missed you so much. All I could think about was you. I- I brought you this.” He handed you a necklace, a small dog tag with your initials carved in the thin piece of metal, the other side had a messy shape you assumed was supposed to be a heart. “I engraved it myself. I found it while we were on a stake out mission. I hope you like it” he sounded so shy and nervous, it made your heart swell with emotion as you handed it back to him. “Can you help me put it on?” “Yeah” you turned your back towards him, beaming as he clicked the hatch for the necklace into place, pressing a soft kiss to the nape of your neck. “I love it baby, thank you” you turned back around to hold grab his hand, eagerly dragging him down the hall. “Cmon, I dont want to waste a second with you- i’m not gonna lie i’ve made a mess of your room but I hope you don’t mind!” “Actually, I want to take you out somewhere.” You stopped in your tracks and looked back at Keith. “Where?” “You’ll see it when we go. Cmon, put on a suit and meet me at the black lion’s hangar.” You nodded before walking into his room anyway, quickly getting changed and running down to meet him.

You held on to his seat as he took off, telling you to hold on tight as you flew out of the castle. You flew for about an hour, passing by vibrant planets and constellations. Pointing out meteors and stars as you passed by. Keith still wouldn’t tell you where you were going until you entered a big, green planet’s atmosphere. You looked over at him quizzically as you landed, the planet had nothing but short, green grass. You couldn’t hear the sounds of any creature or civilization. It was almost as if you were here completely alone. “Keith, where are we?” “This is planet Ogoria. Me and the blades made camp here when i was on that mission. It’s completely unhabited. & I brought you here to see something.” He explained, leading you off the black lion and into the open. “Cmon, lets find somewhere to sit.” Keith had brought with him a big blanket and two pillows, walking a few feet away from the lion before setting the blanket down on a particularly soft patch of grass. He threw the pillows on before sitting down. You followed suit, sitting down next to him, leaning into his body as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

“Look y/n, i’m really sorry i’ve been gone so much lately. The blades and I- well we’re getting close to finding something great” he muttered, glancing over at you. You looked away from him for a second, thinking over your next words. “ I know Keith. I’m not upset with you- I just miss how things used to be you know? I miss home. I miss our life together.” You sighed, gaze locked on your intertwined hands. “ I know, hun. I miss earth too. But we’re here now and we gotta try to make the best of it. This will be over sooner than we think. I feel it.” You looked up into his eyes, and he never looked so assured. You gave him a weak smile, scooting closer to him and pressing a peck to his lips. “Well, you’d better be right about that, Keith. Or i’ll drag us all back to Earth by force.” You giggled at the snort he let out, burrowing yourself deeper into his side, closing your eyes and relishing in his warmth.

“Y/n, look up at the sky”

You blinked your eyes open, having begun to nod off on Keith. When you looked up you let out a gasp. The sky was full of stars, it was as if the whole galaxy was displayed right In front of you in one place. “Keith its..its beautiful!” You whispered, unable to tear your eyes away from the scenery. “I know its nothing like the roof back home, but i figured it’s pretty close.” You tore your gaze away just to meet his, your eyes shining. “Keith I- i dont know what to say…I mean this is incredible!” you saw him smile, glancing up at the stars himself. “Lets get comfortable.” You both leaned down, lying on the pillows and drinking in the sight before you in comfortable silence. “Y/n..” you turned to look at him, his eyes were soft, full of adoration as he looked you over, burning every feature on your face into his mind. “I love you.. thank you for sticking with me.” You brought your hand up to his cheek, pressing a soft kiss to his nose. “I love you too Keith. I’ll always be with you, no matter what.” And so there you laid. Holding onto each other, catching up and telling each other dreams and secrets you harbored. It was nothing like how’d you been on Earth. But Keith made it special, and thats all that mattered to you.

Hopefully you enjoyed Anon! Thank you again for your submission. :> Notes and reblogs appreciated, asks and submissions welcome!! 💗💗

[endearng]

Solace

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader Summary: A particular case with the BAU makes you relive old, painful memories. Spencer holds your hand as you share them with him. W.C: 1.8k Warnings: This is sort of platonic fluff with a dash of hurt/comfort; maybe they're in love but don't truly know it yet; mentions of loneliness during childhood, canon cm type of violence (domestíc violence and mísogyny). A/N: Took me very long and I don't know if I like it enough, but I hope you guys do. Feedbacks are highly welcomed and appreciated. Enjoy! Masterlist

"Hey," Spencer approached you carefully, smiling softly. It didn't quite reach his eyes, though. You knew the reason why.

You were best friends with Spencer Reid. It was easy, being around him. You felt connected as you got to know each other because you could relate to him so much and so did he to you, so you always relied on him during tough times. This time would almost feel different, because you felt scared of exposing yourself to him. Not because of his reaction, of course, he wasn't one to judge you even if his life depended on it, but because it made you feel vulnerable for him to see the pieces of you that you didn't appreciate all that much. The insecure, bad, ugly and mistrusting sides of you.

"Hey yourself."

You had just finished a case that involved children and domestic abuse. A group of men founded some sort of cult that preached hatred towards women — a motivation that had to do with fractured childhood and trauma related to their parents' broken marriages, of course. What a bond. Situations with kids were always more sensitive than anything else, and this one in particular brought back some bittersweet memories. You had had several nightmares during the investigation, but Spencer had been the one to wake you up from one of them because you were sharing a room. You were glad he did.

You were standing in a familiar street, but the darkness of the twilight made you feel uneasy. As you walked, a trail of both sadness and worry lingered behind you — feeling on edge, as if something was about to happen. Little did you know, fate had already made up its mind. And you couldn't change it.

It was hard to breathe. Your lungs felt like they were full of smoke, so much was the sensation of your chest being squeezed and with no room for air. You sat down on a sidewalk, dizzy, afraid to fall if you stayed on your feet. As you did, you noticed a big house across the road, pristine white walls and soft yellowish lights cleared one of the rooms in the first store, where you saw a couple holding and smiling at each other. Despite the feeling inside you, you smiled, too. Like their love made the air around them change, such intense feelings made others feel loved, welcomed and safe. In the greenest grass you've ever seen, even if the absence of light stopped you from seeing everything clearly, was a blonde girl playing all by herself. As you tried to calm your breathing, you noticed another girl joining her to play in a pink and purple princess castle outside the house. For a moment, you felt calm just watching the two girls sharing the most ordinary moment of any girl's childhood. An ordinary — or so you thought it should be — childhood surrounded by love, company and, most importantly, trust. Still, a sense of dread tugged at your heartstrings.

Then, everything happened so quickly. The blonde girl's dad, who just seconds ago was with his wife, now had a hard expression on his face. Anger seeped out of him. He approached them and told his daughter that playtime was over, which made her expression, which was so full of life, change abruptly. She entered the house, now looking down at her feet. Not daring to look, let alone say anything to her father, even though she was smiling so hard with her friend moments prior. The other girl didn't even have the time to bid her friend goodbye. You were too caught up trying to understand the suddenness you just saw to pay attention to the other girl, who was now in front of you, ready to confide something with a frown on her face, "He’s always mad."

And right as he finished her dark sentence, whose intonation and weight of the words chosen sounded like an adult, you heard the shots inside the house. Unable to run. Unable to breathe. Unable to react. Unable to undo fate's ugly decision.

Then, Spencer woke you up. You were tossing and turning on the bed and he noticed it because you were sharing the bedroom. Gently, he said you were having a bad dream and that you kept murmuring a female name. You thanked him for interrupting your nightmare, but didn't really talk about what was plaguing you. He felt like his hands were tied when days passed and you kept going as if nothing had happened — you didn't let him in, which was unusual for the both of you. Nonetheless, he knew you were avoiding falling asleep.

"Is everything okay?" Spencer asked, his tone caring.

"I don't know how I feel." You answered, looking out the jet's window, even if it was pitch dark. "I know I should feel good now that those kids are not under threat anymore, but, how many other creeps are out there? Will it ever end?" You asked, more to yourself, or the world, than to Spencer.

"I wish I could have that answer."

You glanced at him. His furrowed brows and sympathetic eyes met your defeated face. His caring nature around you made something in you snap. Maybe the need for reassurance, for safety. You finally thought you didn't have anything to lose, so you poured out your heart.

"Back when I was a kid, I had this friend. She was new in the city, so I met her when she joined our class in the middle of the school year. She was pretty reserved but I was pretty annoying and I wanted to get to know her." You sighed. Spencer let out a soft chuckle at the thought of you as a kid. Sweet, persistent and lovely. Just as you are now. "We would have lunch together when she was there, because she used to miss school a lot. I remember asking why, but I can't remember the answer."

You weren't looking at him. Guilt and embarrassment were trying to take over your emotions, your watering eyes intensifying feeling sensitive, like a being that was stripped off its skin. Walking around bare, shieldless. Come to think about it, it was always like that around him. No walls were needed to protect you from him.

A deep breath. It was just Spencer. He would listen. He would understand. "I remember that it took a lot longer for her to come back this one time. I asked the teacher what had happened and she only told me that she had left. I didn't know where to and I didn't know until years later. I was heartbroken because I had lost a friend. I know it seems dumb, but I really enjoyed spending time with her. We talked a lot, I learned the name of her friends and family, we played pretend, tag, hide and seek... We'd take our dolls to play with and talked about the cartoons that we both watched. It was nice to finally have a friend."

"Some time later, I found out by eavesdropping a conversation between my grandmother and a friend of hers that my friend's father had killed his wife, her mom, and then himself. He told her to wait outside the house so he and his wife could talk." You sniffled, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. "What kind of person does that?" You asked, tone exasperated, voice cracking, barely a whisper. Spencer looked at you longingly, patiently waiting for you to finish. He wouldn't dare to speak unless he was sure you were done. "So, I guess this case really triggered that memory. I remember grieving because I'd thought she was dead. I had nightmares for years, but never told anybody about it. In my dreams, I always watched her dad calling her back inside the house."

"What was her name?"

"Jane."

A beat of silence. He looked down at his lap. "That was the name you kept calling when you were... you know."

"Yeah. I know, Spencer." You swallowed the lump forming in your throat. "I know..."

Spencer looked utterly lost and heartbroken for you, but he was willing to try to be good for you so that you kept trusting yourself to him. "I'm sorry you had to go through that by yourself," was what he said. You smiled, albeit sadly.

"I'm sorry too, but at the same time, thankful that now I have you to share it with."

"You don't have to thank me."

"I want to. It feels like it was such a brief moment, but I guess it still haunts me to this day. I just felt, maybe feel, powerless over it, you know? I know I couldn't have done anything, heh, I was a dumb little kid. But still. Guilt is a bitch." You voice, your eyes that were unable to stay focused on a spot for too long and your fidgeting hands revealed your anxiety.

He put his hands on top of yours. You froze, finally looking at him again. "Pablo Neruda said that love is so short, but forgetting is so long. I guess that applies to you. You were just a kid trying to make a friend, and in a way, your company made her feel safe." You brows furrowed, tears rolling down your cheeks. His hands on yours stopped you from wiping them. You didn't want him to let you. "You were a curious and annoying elementary schooler who made sure your friend had company, even though it wasn't your main concern at that time, or you didn't notice it was. Maybe it could have been. Maybe she skipped school because of the problems at home, we know now that, sadly, it does happen. And, when she did go to school, she had your company to play and forget about all of that — she had a friend. You were her solace."

Just like you are mine, his mind screamed.

You were full on crying, silently. Your grateful glance never strayed away from his; you took it that he knew everything you wanted to say but couldn't.

Thank you for saying this.

Thank you for offering me a new, better perspective.

Thank you for being my friend.

I love you.

I wouldn't know which path to take if I didn't have you.

Actually, I do. I'd take the one with you in it.

Instead, "I wish we knew each other when we were kids. Either way, I know we were destined to be in each other's life."

He laughed softly, saying your name, “That’s a nice thought.”

The love you shared changed the atmosphere around you, too. But you didn’t feel overwhelmed with a feeling something would go wrong. If anyone asked if there was something right in your life, you’d say, in a heartbeat, that it is Spencer Reid.

[caplanbuckybarnes]

Broken Choices (john winchester)

Summary: Dean tries to convince you that you weren't the problem in yours and john's relationship.

Warnings: a break up, angst

WC: 935

Read on AO3!

--

The night had fallen heavy, the weight of it pressing down on you as you stared at the Impala from the shadows. Its black exterior gleamed in the moonlight, but it was the absence of one very important thing that caught your attention—the man who had once stood beside you, who had once been the one to make you feel like you had a place in this world.

John Winchester.

The air was thick with memories of him—the good ones, the bad ones, and everything in between. You had never imagined that it would end like this. That you would be standing here, alone, after everything you had been through together.

"I hope you're happy with your choices."

The words echoed in your mind, cutting through your thoughts like a blade. They had been John’s words, said to you in the heat of the argument that had changed everything. He had looked at you with a coldness that made your heart ache, his face etched with the strain of his own battles. But it wasn’t the anger that had struck you the hardest. It was the finality in his voice, the sense that he had made up his mind.

That he had made his choice.

You could still remember that night so clearly, the way his hands had balled into fists at his sides, the way his voice had cracked under the pressure.

"You’re not a part of this anymore, Y/N," he had said, each word punctuated by pain. "I can't keep you around while I’m doing this. You deserve more than this life."

You had begged him. Pleaded with him to reconsider. You had tried to make him see that you were willing to fight with him, stand by him, no matter how dangerous it got. But John was too stubborn, too caught up in his mission, and there was no room for anything else—certainly not for you.

You had loved him. You still did, even now, despite the way he had pushed you away, despite the distance that had grown between you.

But now, as you stood there in the stillness of the night, you weren’t sure what was left.

The words he had spoken to you had broken something inside you, something that you hadn’t even known was fragile until it cracked open.

You weren’t sure what hurt more: the fact that he had walked away from you, or the fact that you had walked away from him.

The sound of footsteps approaching pulled you from your thoughts, and you turned to see a familiar figure emerging from the shadows. Dean. His eyes were soft, but there was a hardness in his posture, a tension that had been there ever since you had left the Winchesters behind.

“Y/N…” Dean said softly, his voice carrying that ever-present concern. “You didn’t have to leave.”

You shook your head, not trusting yourself to speak. The words you had been choking on for weeks were lodged in your throat.

“I didn’t leave because I wanted to,” you finally whispered, voice trembling. “I left because I had to. John made his choice. And I couldn’t keep pretending that I wasn’t a part of the problem.”

Dean said nothing for a long moment, his gaze heavy, searching. It wasn’t the first time you’d had this conversation, but it was the first time you had spoken the truth so plainly.

“John… he’s just scared, Y/N,” Dean said quietly, his voice laced with a sadness you had never heard before. “He loves you. He just doesn’t know how to show it.”

You laughed bitterly, the sound like a foreign language to your own ears. “He doesn’t love me. Not the way I need him to.”

Dean looked away, his jaw tightening as if he was fighting against something, something he didn’t want to acknowledge. “Maybe he doesn’t know how,” he muttered, almost to himself. “But you’re not the problem here. You never were.”

You wiped away a tear that had escaped despite your best efforts. “I didn’t leave because of me, Dean,” you said, voice thick. “I left because I was hurting him. And I couldn’t do that anymore. I thought I could handle it. Thought I could stand by him and take it. But… in the end, I realized that maybe I wasn’t what he needed after all.”

Dean’s eyes softened, but there was a hint of frustration there too. “You’re wrong, Y/N. He needs you. He’s just too damn proud to admit it.”

You shook your head again, your heart aching. “Maybe. But pride doesn’t change the fact that I can’t keep fighting for a love that’s already slipped through my fingers. I have to let go, Dean.”

Dean took a step closer, his face unreadable for a moment, before he exhaled sharply. “Then I hope you’re happy with your choices.”

The words were almost too similar to John’s, and they hit you like a punch to the gut. But as you looked into Dean’s eyes, the anger you might have felt softened into something else—something you couldn’t quite define.

“I am,” you whispered, more to yourself than to him. “I have to be.”

Dean didn’t say anything else. He just nodded, the weight of the situation settling in between you. There was no easy way to say goodbye to the past, to the love that had slipped through your fingers. But sometimes, letting go was the only thing left to do.

You turned away, taking a deep breath.

For once, the silence didn’t feel as suffocating.

And maybe, just maybe, you could finally start to heal.

[xoxoamber27]

Let You Break my Heart Again

pairing: tasm!peter parker x reader

angst/fluff

Peter had left again. The weight of it all was heavy, like the room had suddenly grown too small for the ache that tightened your heart.

You glanced at the empty space beside you where Peter had just been hours before. His absence was palpable, as if the quiet of the room was a direct reflection of his departure, the silence only broken by the soft guitar strings that seemed to mirror the subtle, gentle ache in your own chest.

It had been like this for a while now, hadn’t it? The moments of bliss, of laughter, of stolen kisses in the middle of chaotic days—those moments were everything. But there was always the knowledge, the bitter understanding, that they could never last. Not really.

You took a breath, fingers brushing through your hair, trying to push aside the swirling thoughts. Peter was Spider-Man. His life was full of responsibilities, dangers, things that would always come first. You knew that. But it didn’t make the goodbyes any easier.

“I hate this,” you muttered to yourself, the words slipping out without thought. You’d said them before, many times, and you would probably say them again.

The door to your room creaked open, and there he was. Peter stood in the doorway, his eyes soft with regret, the lines of his suit still faintly visible beneath the fabric of his hoodie. He had that look in his eyes—the one that said he was sorry, even before he could say the words aloud.

“I—I didn’t want to leave,” Peter began, his voice low, tentative, like he was afraid his words might fall apart before they reached you. “But there’s a lot going on… things I have to do.”

You didn’t say anything at first, letting the silence speak for itself, the sadness in the air thickening between the two of you. You knew that he didn’t want to leave, that he would rather be anywhere but out there, fighting villains and dodging danger. But you also knew that he didn’t have a choice. And that knowledge didn’t make it hurt any less.

The song played on, the lyrics striking a chord deep in your soul.

"Then, of course, I'll let you break my heart again..."

You couldn’t help it. You couldn’t stop yourself from caring about him, from loving him, even when you knew the pain was inevitable. Even when you knew that no matter how many times he promised to come back, there would always be another goodbye waiting just around the corner.

Peter’s gaze softened as he took a few tentative steps toward you. His hand hovered by your side, almost as if he wasn’t sure if you’d allow him to touch you. But you didn’t pull away. Instead, you leaned into him, feeling the warmth of his presence and the comfort it brought, even in moments like this—when everything felt so fleeting.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “I wish I could make this easier for you.”

“I don’t want you to make it easier,” you replied, your voice quiet but steady, “I just want you to be here. To stay.”

He let out a sigh, pulling you closer, his arms wrapping around you with that familiar, protective warmth. The song on your phone continued in the background, its gentle melody making everything feel so much more raw, so much more real.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” Peter said, his voice tight with frustration and the weight of everything he couldn’t change. “I don’t know how to make you understand just how much I care about you.”

“You don’t have to fix anything,” you whispered back, your voice steady but carrying the deep ache you tried to hide. “I know you care about me. But I also know you’re doing this for the right reasons. You’re doing what you have to, Peter. I get it. I just—” You broke off for a moment, feeling the sting of unshed tears. “I just wish I didn’t have to let you go every time.”

Peter’s thumb brushed against your cheek, his eyes soft with an understanding that was both heartbreaking and comforting at the same time.

“I hate that I have to leave you,” he confessed, his voice filled with a sincerity that made your heart ache even more. “But you’re my world, and I’m always going to come back to you, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. I swear.”

You nodded, your fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt as if that was all that tethered you to the moment, to him. “I know. It’s just... hard, you know?”

He kissed the top of your head, his arms tightening around you just a little. “I know. I know, and I hate it.” The words hung in the air, both of you caught in a moment that felt suspended in time, as though the world outside didn’t matter.

For a brief, fleeting second, it was just the two of you. No Spider-Man. No danger. Just love.

“I’ll make it back to you,” Peter whispered, his voice a quiet promise against your hair. “And when I do, I’ll be yours. Fully. Completely.”

You closed your eyes, resting against him, knowing that no matter what happened, you would always have this—these small, precious moments that no one else would understand.

“I’ll wait for you, Peter. I always will.”

As he held you close, the music played on, the soft notes of the song blending into the silence that wrapped around you both, each word a reminder of the love that would never fade, no matter how many times it had to be broken and put back together again.

[blairbarely]

(In honor of Gladiator weekend, here's an essay I wrote a little while ago when I couldn't stop crying thinking about AFTERSUN and FUN HOME)

There’s a house, a house of bodies and stories. A house where death hums low and steady in the background. This is Fun Home, a musical that isn’t just a play—it’s a testament, a ledger of grief, self-reckoning, and the ache of becoming. It’s not linear. It’s not clean. It moves like smoke, circling back, consuming itself, burning.

It starts with Alison. Three Alisons, to be exact. There’s the kid, all big eyes and brashness. There’s the college girl, shaking with discovery. And there’s the grown-up, sitting at her desk, trying to stitch it all together—her father Bruce's life, his lies, and her truth.

Elsewhere, on vacation with his daughter, there’s a man, Calum, young but weary. A girl, Sophie, open-eyed and reaching. A summer sky stretched wide like a canvas. This is Aftersun, a film not bound by plot but by feeling. It’s not a story so much as a reflection in water, rippling and shifting, impossible to hold.

Fun Home doesn’t move in straight lines. It remembers in flashes, like how we live. The smell of wood polish. A piano in the parlor. A ring of keys. All these objects, these anchors, pulling Alison back to herself, forward through the haze. It’s a puzzle that will never be whole, and that’s the point.

Aftersun unfolds like an old Polaroid—blurred at the edges, washed in gold and gray. Sophie is grown now, but she reaches back, back to a vacation with her father in some sunlit nowhere. She’s not searching for answers, not exactly. She’s trying to touch what’s already gone.

Memory is like that: a patchwork of glimpses and silences. A camcorder frames Calum’s smile, but behind the lens, Sophie sees something she can’t name yet. Maybe she sees him unraveling. Maybe she sees herself.

At its heart, Fun Home is about trying to love people who are too tangled up in themselves to love you back the way you want. It’s about parents and children, about the gifts they give you and the scars they leave. It’s about the things you carry—the good, the terrible, and the unknowable—and how they shape the art you make.

Calum is kind, funny, alive in the way only the deeply sad can be. He dances in the dark, practices Tai Chi by the pool, buys Sophie birthday gifts he can barely afford. There’s love in everything he does, but there’s something else too—an absence, a shadow. He’s there, but not all the way.

He hides it well. Or maybe he doesn’t. Kids notice the cracks, even when they don’t know what they mean. Sophie watches him like he’s the sun: too bright, too far.

Bruce’s song “Edges of the World" near the end of Fun Home is a raw scream dressed up as a goodbye. He’s crumbling, dissolving. It’s not redemption. It’s a last breath, a leap into silence.

Alison doesn’t find answers. She doesn’t fix what’s broken. But she draws it. She sings it. She turns the chaos into something tangible, something true. And that’s enough.

Charlotte Wells doesn’t tell you the full story of Calum and Sophie. She shows you flashes—a dive into the pool, the flicker of a strobe light, a cigarette burning down to ash. The camera lingers, waits. It doesn’t ask for permission to be quiet, to hold space for what’s unsaid.

And the music—it drifts in like a ghost. “Under Pressure” plays, and you feel the weight of the song, how it wraps around Calum and Sophie like a plea, like a warning. Later, there’s a rave, a place where past and present collide, where Sophie and her father exist in the same moment, just for a heartbeat.

And then it’s done. The stage goes quiet, but the story doesn’t leave. It lingers, like the smell of old books, like the ghost of someone you loved.

Both Aftersun and Fun Home are pieces of art born from memory, from ruin. They don’t shy away from the hard stuff—shame, longing, loss—but they doesn’t let you drown in it either. They remind you that there’s beauty in the wreckage, that even the darkest places can hold light. Neither is just a film or just a musical. Fun Home is a hymn for anyone who’s ever tried to make sense of the mess and called it home. Aftersun is an old home movie, its edges frayed like the ribbon of a well-worn cassette. It won’t give you everything you crave, but it hums softly in the dark, keeping the memory alive, as long as your heart can bear to press play.

[dmitriene]

— fading echoes.

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ «he said nothing compares»

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ «to the fever dream»

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  «it's what i do»

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ «i wait for you»

summary: no one could have thought that your relationship would ever end, but he did not think that it would happen this way. content: vendetta leon kennedy x gn reader tags: pure angst, hurt no comfort, mentions of reader's death, usage of yn, mentions of alcoholism, established relationship. author's note: some angst because i was feeling to write something with no happy end, hope you will like this piece! enjoy your reading) 🍂

The world that was once familiar and stable became an unfamiliar landscape of desolation, everything around Leon seemed to reflect the emptiness rooted in his heart, the atmosphere was heavy with grief, a suffocating heaviness that hung in the air and colored every corner of his existence.

The apartment that had once been a haven of love and laughter now seemed like a cold and empty shell, the spaces that were filled with your presence were now hauntingly empty, every room was a reminder of the happiness that slipped through his fingers, the laughter that once echoed off the walls and now replaced by an empty silence that seemed to mock his pain.

Leon's daily routine had lost its purpose, the simple tasks he used to accomplish with ease now seemed overwhelming, the world outside became blurry, colors less bright, sounds distant and muffled, his interactions with others distant as if he were in a hazy dream.

The faces of friends and colleagues merged together, their voices resembled a distant echo that barely reached his ears, the once noisy streets of his city seemed empty corridors, and the people around him were just shadows, he seemed to exist in a parallel world, cut off from that life who he knew, caught in a cycle of despair and anguish.

Leon's nights were filled with restless sleep and obsessive dreams, images of you, of happier times, flashed through his mind like shards of a broken mirror, he woke up with tears on his cheeks, the reality of your absence hitting him anew with every sunrise.

His undercover work lost its meaning, missions that were once carried out with determination and purpose now seemed empty gestures, the danger that once ignited his adrenaline now posed no appeal, as if a vital part had been taken away from him, leaving behind a void that cannot be filled.

The bonds he had formed with friends and colleagues became strained as he withdrew into himself, their words of comfort fell on deaf ears, their attempts to reach out ran into walls of grief and isolation, the laughter that used to fill the room when they got together was replaced. awkward silence and gloomy looks.

Leon's appearance had also changed, the energy that had once characterized him gone, giving way to a weariness imprinted on his features, his eyes, once full of determination, now contained an empty void, a reflection of the void within him.

Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, but the pain did not subside, the atmosphere around him remained heavy with sadness, a constant reminder of lost love and ruined life, the outside world continued to move, but Leon remained suspended in time, trapped in a reality where happiness seemed like a distant memory.

Your absence touched every corner of his life, and the pain of this loss became his constant companion, the atmosphere was devastated, the world turned upside down due to a tragedy that could not be repaired — and in the midst of the wreckage, Leon clung to fragments of his memory, desperately trying to find a way to navigate the world that has lost its light.

But that day he remembered distinctly well.

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌━━━━◈✙◈━━━━

The apartment was shrouded in darkness, a heavy silence enveloped the rooms like a shroud, his key turned in the lock and he went inside with a heavy heart, but with the hope of the reunion that awaited him, but when the door was flung open, the apartment greeted him with an eerie silence — a silence that seemed extended to infinity.

Leon's footsteps echoed across the cold floor as he entered, the weight of his recent mission still pressed against his weary body, his heart mingled with anticipation and longing to see you after days apart, but something in the air felt different.

When he turned on the light, the emptiness of the apartment became painfully obvious, there was no sign of life, no trace of your presence that he so desperately hoped for, a sense of unease began to gnaw at the edges of his mind, a feeling that something was terribly wrong.

— «Y/n?» there was a mixture of anticipation and concern in his voice, the name coming out of his lips like a prayer.

However, the apartment did not answer, no laughter, no movement, only a cold emptiness that cut through him to the bone, when he crossed the threshold, his steps became slower and more indecisive.

And then Chris emerged from the shadows, darkness seemed to engulf him, the lines of his face engraved with a seriousness that Leon could not yet comprehend.

— «Chris?» Leon's voice was laced with concern, his brow furrowed as he looked from his friend to the empty space around him — «Where's Y/n? Why isn't she here?»

Chris's gaze met Leon's, a storm of emotion flickering in his eyes, a silence hung between them, heavy with the unspoken words hanging like a cloud.

Finally, Chris spoke, and his voice sounded almost unbearable — «There was a mission, Leon… it went south, she.. she caught a bullet»

At that moment, time seemed to freeze, and the words hung in the air like a sentence too heavy to bear, the apartment seemed to close around him, the walls closed, revealing a world that had changed irrevocably.

— «No… No, you're lying» Leon's voice trembled, disbelief and shock battling in his eyes, his heart pounding wildly, and he staggered back, reaching out to grab the back of a chair for support.

Chris's expression remained grim, the sadness in his eyes reflecting the grief that was about to consume Leon — «I'd like to, Leon, i'd like to lie..»

Reality hit him like a tidal wave, a force that made him choke, it seemed to him that the earth was torn out from under him, his world plunged into chaos.

— «No, it can't be..» Leon's voice trembled, the words escaped him in a strangled whisper — «She can't leave.. she can't»

Chris's voice was full of sympathy as he stepped closer, his hand outstretched as if offering support — «We did everything we could, Leon, but sometimes… sometimes we can't do anything»

The room seemed to spin around him, and Leon's chest tightened as the pain of your absence settled in his heart, he fell to his knees, his body shaking with sobs that seemed to come from a place too deep to understand.

— «No no no..» his voice was a broken plea, a desperate cry to a universe that had become cruel — «Please tell me it's not fucking true!»

The apartment became a prison of grief, the walls closing in around him as he clung to the chair, his knuckles turning white as he tried to bind himself to a reality that was crumbling to pieces.

Days turned into nights and nights into an endless cycle of pain, Leon's laughter gave way to anguished cries, his smiles were swallowed up by an abyss of sadness, he sought solace in bottles of alcohol, in a stunning haze that dulled the agony even for a moment.

Friends and colleagues extended a helping hand, their concern evident in their voices and eyes, but Leon remained locked, his phone remained unanswered, the door remained closed to all but the darkness and haunting echoes of memories that no longer brought joy.

Sitting in the suffocating silence of the apartment, he clung to fragments of your memory, reproducing moments of happiness and love that now seemed like distant dreams, everything around did not seem, but was devastated, the world was turned upside down by a tragedy beyond understanding.

— «Please…» Leon's voice was a broken whisper, a plea to the void that remained silent — «Come back to me»

But the only answer was the echo of his own voice, a haunting reminder of a love that was lost too soon, and in the midst of a broken life, Leon was gripped by grief that knew no bounds.

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌━━━━◈✙◈━━━━

Months passed, and time seemed an endless void, a blur of days merged together in a haze of grief, the apartment remained a silent witness to his isolation, her rooms reflected the absence of your laughter and presence, the world froze in a moment of heartache and loss.

Summer turned into autumn, the air became cooler and the leaves began to change color, the world around Leon changed, which cannot be said about him, nature reflected the changing seasons of his own emotions, a sense of melancholy reigned in the atmosphere, a reminder of the past time that only increased his pain.

Every day, the pain in Leon's heart remained a constant companion, which did not fade away, but with the advent of autumn, a fragile feeling of renewal arose in him, the air was fresh and seemed to carry with it the promise of change and transformation.

On a quiet morning, as the sun bathed the world in soft golden light, Leon found himself standing at the entrance to a graveyard, gravestones stretched before him like silent sentinels, a reminder of the countless lives that had been lived and lost.

As he walked among the rows of signposts, the leaves crunched under his boots, his heart was heavy but determined, the environment around him was a mixture of anticipation and awe, a sense of encountering a truth he had avoided for far too long.

Finally he arrived at your grave and the stone with your name became a vivid reminder of your absence, the air was still, as if the world held its breath waiting for Leon's next move.

He knelt before the tombstone, his fingers moving gently over the engraved letters, the words engraved on the stone were a constant testament to your existence and the love that once bound you together.

— «Hey..» his voice was soft, it was a mixture of sadness and longing — «I know it's been a long time, i'm sorry i haven't been here before»

The wind roared through the trees, the leaves whirled around him like a whisper of your memories, the environment was heavy with the weight of his emotions, a storm of grief and regret that seemed to echo through the air.

— «I miss you» he continued, his voice stuck in his throat — «I've missed you every single day, without you it was so hard to come to terms with this reality»

The autumn sun cast long shadows, drawing a tapestry of light and dark across the graveyard, Leon's gaze remained riveted to the headstone that marked your final resting place, his heart pouring out the words he had kept locked up for so long.

He ran a trembling finger over the letters of your name, and a bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

— «You've always been able to outshine everyone» he muttered softly, and there was a mixture of tenderness and pain in his voice — «Even after death, you're the center of attention»

His gaze remained fixed on the tombstone, as if he could bring you back to life with the intensity of his gaze, his fingers touching your engraved name as if seeking solace in a tangible reminder of your existence.

— «I'd like you to be here, you know» he said, his voice barely more than a whisper — «I miss your laughter, your warmth… everything»

Memories of your relationship flooded his mind, a series of moments that played out like a treasured movie.

He remembered stealthy glances across crowded rooms, late-night conversations filled with laughter and whispers of promise, and the way your hand fit perfectly into his despite the demands of your role as agents, your love was unbreakable, a bond forged in a crucible of danger and uncertainty.

His fingers slid along the edges of the gravestone, his touch was gentle, as if he could somehow bridge the gap between the living and the dead, Leon closed his eyes, his thoughts returned to those days when you were still by his side, alive and full of life. forces.

A slight, melancholy smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he sank into memories that seemed both vivid and distant — «Do you remember that day?» he muttered, a mixture of nostalgia and longing in his voice — «The day i asked you to be mine forever»

His mind took him back to a time when the heaviness of the world momentarily vanished, replaced by a rush of happiness and anticipation, he remembered your eyes sparkling, the genuine surprise that lit up your face as he dropped to one knee.

— «You looked so happy» he continued with tenderness in his voice — «I've never seen you smile so much before, as if all the anxieties of our world were gone at that moment»

Leon's fingers absentmindedly slid along the edges of the cold marble as if he could touch the memory itself, and he closed his eyes, reliving the scene as if it were being played out in front of him.

— «The way your laughter filled the air… it was contagious» he said with a soft laugh — «I was nervous, you know? Although we faced countless dangers together, asking you to marry me was the greatest risk of all»

He paused, his chest constricting as he imagined the joy that came from you, the memory of that day was a precious treasure, a moment when the world seemed right and the future was promising.

— «You said yes so quickly» he said, and a smile touched his lips — «I barely had time to ask a question when you nodded and said "of course" and then you pulled me in and hugged me so tightly… i never wanted to let you go»

Leon's voice became quieter, his words becoming a gentle confession that he hoped would somehow reach you beyond the world of the living — «I'd like you to be here now» he whispered, his voice laced with a mixture of sadness and anguish — «To see how the life we planned came to fruition, but i suppose fate had other plans»

The setting sun cast long shadows across the tombstones, as if trying to comfort those who sought solace in this solemn place, Leon's gaze fixed on your name, his heart heavy with loss.

— «You were my rock» he said, and his voice became more serious — «Even when our work separated us, the thought of you gave me strength, and this ring… it was a promise that no matter what, we would find our way to each other»

A tear rolled down his cheek, paving the way for grief and love — «I miss you, i miss you incredibly..» he confessed, his voice trembling with excitement — «But i keep these memories, the moments when we were really happy»

He sighed, his shoulders slumped as the weight of grief fell back on him, Leon's fingers clenched into fists, knuckles white as he struggled to contain his tantrum, the pain of your absence was a raw wound that refused to heal, a constant pain that seemed to live forever in his chest.

— «I had to be there» he whispered, and his voice was laced with regret — «I was supposed to protect you, but instead i fucking couldn't even say goodbye»

Leon's gaze moved and closed somewhere in the distance, his heart was heavy with longing.

— «I still wear the ring, you know?» he confessed, his voice was barely audible — «A symbol of our union, it is a reminder that even after death we are still connected»

He took a deep, shuddering breath, his fingers reaching up to touch the silver band around his finger, the metal chilling his skin in stark contrast to the warmth of your memories.

— «I don't know how to move on..» he confessed, his voice trembling from a lump of tears in his throat — «Every day it's a struggle, and the only place i feel at home is here — with you»

— «But I want you to know… i try» he said, and there was a note of determination in his voice — «It took me a while, but i'm starting to find the strength to face this pain.. i know you want me to keep going forward to find a way to live again»

The leaves above him rustled, a light breeze seemed to carry with it a sense of confidence and a bittersweet comfort, the feeling that you were somehow still with him, watching him.

Tears welled up in his eyes, his voice softened as he spoke — «I promise i won't forget you, i won't forget the love we shared, the moments that made us who we were, and i'll always carry you with me»

As the day began to wane and the shadows grew longer, Leon remained at your grave, his heart heavy, but somehow lighter than before, he finally took a small step forward on the path of grief and renewal, and while he stood there, he felt a sense of connection, a bridge between the past and the future, the promise that your memory will live on forever in his heart.

His silent vigil was a testament to the depth of his love and the pain of loss.

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ «past the window sill»

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  «it's nothing new»

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ «i wait for you»

 ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ ᠌ ᠌ ᠌  ᠌ ᠌ ᠌᠌ «i wait for you»

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[raayllum]

puzzle house thoughts

Kpp'Ar "mysteriously disappeared" and now we know exactly how (thanks Viren)

There's a card game you can play with cards based after the six primal sources, it seems

Claudia (here) and Ezran (1x02) figuring out Kpp'Ar's puzzle stone doors

THRERE'S SOMETHING CALLED DARK LIGHT THAT'S LIGHT YOU CAN'T SEE AAH

moving hallways <3

Claudia (here) and Rayla (BH) having to adjust to abandonment/absence of multiple figures. Claudia leaving disaster wherever she goes...

"If he left a surprise for us... maybe he left a note or a letter too" just stab me and it'd hurt less

He really was a grandfather figure to them i Hate it here

solutions and puzzles and traps they're getting me real good about that goddamn cube thematically i'm so mad

"i'm... alive?" "yup, thanks to magic!" and here it begins

getting really strong long suffering big brother soren vibes

"But none of this is magic. It's just statues and machines"

claudia apologizing to the statue unicorn and giving its horn back Killed Me

"It wouldn't have smooshed you. It was a spike trap. It would have just stabbed you" [whispers softly] don't

NOT BABY CALLUM TALKING ABOUT HIS BIO DAD

"Nothing makes sense." "Oh. Yeah. I... I know how that feels. Um, you know, wh-when I lost my Dad, it was hard. I didn't... I don't want to think about it, but my Mom said that we have to grieve. That we should remember everything we love about the people we've lost. Keep them here" [hand over heart] "Not try to hide from it. It's okay to be sad."

Callum intentionally giving Claudia ideas in the library and not understanding her takeaways is now 2/2

Everyone who was like "dark mages would never baselessly steal and imprison sapient / sentient 'magical creatures' for dark mage uses" owes me like, a thousand dollars

"I thought I knew who he was. And then he disappeared" / "But I'm not evil. It's me. You know me"

NOT CLAUDIA IMMEDIATELY THINKING ABOUT THE GIANT'S FAMILY i hate it here

"Your heart is not darkened [...] I see sadness in you"

"Everyone is acting so weird! And wrong! And everything is broken! Soren was sick, and then Kpp'Ar disappeared, and then Soren got better but then Mom and Dad started arguing and then mom - she - she left."

"You will find a way. Like river through rock."

"Kpp'Ar wanted key for seeing. [I] am no key. I was keeper of the scroll. Is no key. [...] Maybe what broke [Kpp'Ar]. Puzzle [he] could not solve. Secret of the scroll is hidden in plain sight."

NOT THE SNAKE BRACELET BEING A GIFT FROM KPP'AR AND SOMETHING CLAUDIA USES TO UNDO CHAINS. AAAH

"I've been messing things up, and everyone's angry at me. What if they're right? What if I'm... not good?" "Most humans think I'm a monster. You help. You see me as person. Your heart? It will see."

"Find me again someday, Claudia. In a place less... dark."

"I just don't know what do with all this" feelings. inheritance callum vibes

"But I'll always be here for you, Claudia. I promise you that." "Thanks Dad. I'll be here, too."

[hollowsart]

it's no secret that I genuinely just do not like Nathan Broome, that Grey Lantern dude. 0 appeal in neither his concept nor his design (ok, costume design is kinda nice, I can't deny that). It's.. really not good. His reasoning for even becoming a Grey Lantern is really really.. Dude. please.. get a grip.. You're not the only one, man..

A better concept for the Grey Lanterns is like..

I think the entities that are tied to the Lantern Rings, like Adara for Blue or Parallax for Yellow.. there was one for Grey and it was one of the oldest entities, one of the first to form. Perhaps long forgotten, distant from the rest.. Sorrow was rather common in small ways. Felt in pain, in rejection, in absence of others.

This one was probably in a state of slumber in the bg as the others quarreled. Only awakening by a sudden strong feeling of Despair was picked up. It was probably in the early eons of the universe. When life on planets was fresh and new.. and a single individual of one of them.. had lost pretty much everything that they loved and knew. Had their whole life ripped from them.. and they were the sole survivor. They were peaceful, docile.. never felt much else beyond joy.

and now all they feel is Despair.. and an immense loneliness.

They became the first Grey Lantern. The first one of their kind to harness that power, to wield their sadness that engulfed them. The loss of family, the loss of love, the loss of everything they ever knew. Their tears and cries glowing and becoming the first ring.. And the entity speaking in their ears, its voice is somber and broken, always sounds as if it is about to cry.. it is very old, weak and frail.. but it speaks softly, gently, a tone that only encourages the tears.

"..There is.. a great sorrow.. I can sense it.. the misery pooling within your heart.. Let it out.. release it.. Let it wash over you.. the despair.. it is neither good.. nor bad.. but a part of life.. embrace it.. feel it.. speak the words.. your battle cry.. and let us become one.. you and I."

From their loss they did just that and with a weary light they created the Grey Lantern Corps. It is.. a lonely one. A quiet one. One unseen by the Guardians.. only heard of in long forgotten word of tongue.

[irradon]

i think i'm finally getting over it, guys!

the story of me making a "sad" spotify playlist is so streamlined, you could almost boil it down to a recipe. be it due to another boy betraying my expectations or the suburban quiet turning to a deafening roar, it all starts with me legitimizing the nagging feeling that tugs at me like a child. it pulls on my shirt, asking for my attention when all i want is to ignore it, pretend that i am beyond messy tantrums and even messier rooms.

i ran away from the disappointment of this last fling for so long that i accepted that the heartbreak would linger its way into a home. i made room for it in my heart like one does for a stranger in a bus. the sadness, the feeling of unworthiness that followed in his absence, which came as quickly as his presence, it became my companion as i attempted to lead my life as if it was unchanged. it was only one date, amrita. you should be over it by now. he ended it with you already.

i am famously incapable of moving on from people who express any care or interest in me out of their own volition. more than anything, i am stubborn to a fault, and was so shaken by the whirlwind of march 2023 that i didn't even know how to begin to move on. from that one night he took every expectation i had for romance and shattered them. i had never tasted anything like it, and just like that, it was taken away from me. i couldn't understand the sheer insanity of what had happened. all i knew was that i didn't want to be over. and so despite the wishes of everyone around me who wanted me to move on, i let myself hold onto a shred of hope that it wasn't over.

it was that same persistence that numbed me through a month long escapade in greece, where i fooled around with not one, but two different people in my study abroad program. i let their interest in me dictate how these would go, not stopping to think or care about the consequences or how i was being objectified as a result. they weren't him, after all, so why would i care? they simply provided some much (so i thought) needed validation, and my ego craved nothing more.

when i came home, i found myself more miserable than ever as my attempts to get over him failed. as if things had never ended, i found myself learning more about him, finally having an interest in king krule's space heavy and listening to his song "cellular" (from a different album) on repeat. when i could handle it, i would replay the conversations we had in my mind, trying to figure out what went wrong along the way but wishing, more than anything, that the intimacy we had would return again. i let his music create a sort of makeshift intimacy for me, the sounds through my headphones becoming a portal to my dreamland where my heart wasn't broken and we were friends with no awkwardness. music tears down the ego like nothing else. chords, rhythm, melodies, and lyrics can bare your heart open for anyone to see, if you let it.

and so the nagging child of my own hurt continued to be ignored. my feelings swam around me like koi fish in a vast ocean, muddied by selfish motifs of betrayal and "deserving better" and the godforsaken phrase "if he wanted to, he would" plaguing my social media algorithm. where i was once considered "emotionally aware," charting my own feelings for him with any honesty with myself was like sailing this ocean blindfolded. i would meditate and pretend not to hear my own sadness. instead i'd pick up on "still in love" and assume that was the end of it.

the date itself was a very divine and ethereal moment in time. my body seemed to buzz from how right everything felt at that time. it was so surreal i felt drunk. because of how desperately i wanted these feelings to last, i fixated on them and neglected the anxiety which followed immediately after. i couldn't believe it even happened. my skin felt like it was on edge. my body knew it was over before my mind could even understand it. but these were feelings i knew too often and too well. i wanted him to be different, because he was so different. when i think about the divinity i saw in him, how loving him felt like a religion, how blissful it is to be in love with someone, the allure of unconditional devotion, it felt like a healing balm. i didn't want to walk away, and so i rooted down and stayed to no answer.

it was like that for eight months. the moments of divinity found their ways back to me in ways i never expected. another hours long conversation that ended at 2 in the morning, tying my keffiyeh before a protest, making eye contact that once again felt like years condensed into a second. when i got into that car accident, he only waited for me to say yes before driving over, staying with me for an hour, and driving me home. in these ways, when i think about it, there is still love. it's just confused.

but too much in my life is uncertain and in flux. my routines after the accident have disrupted the facets of my life that kept me grounded. so much has changed in a few months, and i graduate after this next semester. new house, no car, no job. new friends, new pain, your doctor said no exercise for at least a month. no relationships in sight. the ocean of feelings swimming around me has only grown deeper. the nagging feeling of heartbreak is still tugging at my shirt, silently begging for me to pay attention to her.

the nagging feeling finally had a chance to grow louder once my finals ended, and i couldn't numb myself by partying, organizing, working, or studying. i was home, left to my own devices for days on end. and so i numbed myself with my last resort of doomscrolling, and that's where the nagging turned into a scream.

i'd heard the harmonies of "can't catch me now" by olivia rodrigo and they captivated me almost instantly. but instagram reel audios don't always tell you the song name. all i knew was that those were undoubtedly her vocals, and that she'd released an album pretty recently. i searched through her discography, incessantly looking for the song i only knew the melody for, and was left disappointed. still, it tugged at me. it was too pretty - i had to find it, i knew that. but maybe i had gotten the artist wrong, and without knowing the lyrics i was lost on a google search. and so i once again let go of the nagging child's hand.

it only took until the next day for me to find another reel with a sped up version of that song. and, like a beacon of light, someone in the comment section will always ask, "song?" and an angel will bless them with an answer. it was the one song i'd chosen to ignore in olivia's discography, naturally. when i finally pressed play, let the verse bleed into the chorus, a gentle lilt of harmonies and the lyrics "but i'm in the trees, i'm in the breeze / my footsteps on the ground" with nothing but soft strings and finger pickings on an acoustic guitar for an instrumental, i was captivated. i dissolved into the music almost instantly, and the muddied ocean in my body began to clear. i could hear it so vividly, "i'm here, i'm there, i'm everywhere / but you can't catch me now" and felt those words graze my skin with the sunlight streaming through my window. i was ready to let go. my body and mind, my emotions, they were tired. i had neglected myself, that nagging child, for so long.

i've listened to that song on repeat for close to two days now. i parked myself on my couch and let my soul find answers. what about this song spoke to me so loudly? what feelings did it elicit? were there other songs like it? and from those answers, a new playlist was born. olivia's femininity, the sheer power that radiated from soft lyrics and quiet harmonies in the chorus. this was what it has always felt like to walk away. it is to realize that whatever divinity you felt was yours always. the experience came from you and was felt within you. the other person was simply a trigger. i could finally feel a sense of control over myself again. i could embrace something to be "mine," and mine alone. other songs quickly followed suit: by woom, by adrianne lenker, billie marten, laufey. it needed to be explicitly feminine. it needed to be rooted in nature, and soft. and it needed to be beautiful.

the title of this playlist is "555." the caption is "change. everything is shifting." and i'd had it empty for a few months. i knew that when i was ready, the right songs would find their own way into that playlist. it's like any other creative act, or any act in general. when we are ready, we will receive. it took me this time to be ready to move on, to really try everything and feel fleeting moments of connection before fully letting go. do i have answers to most of my uncertainty? no. but the fog finally feels like it's lifting. the ocean is clearing. i finally feel like i'm getting over it.

[theundyingrose]

Of Sun and Moon

In a infinite universe we only get to see one sun, a star that burns and gives us warmth and hope. Moons come avast but the most beautiful is the one you can reach, but most importantly the one that you can call your own.

"Moon, always shadowing the light and I being your lily. Tell me why I sprouted in your absence." She says gazing out into the stary night, her face faintly lit by the lantern a few feet away. Her beautiful pale skin, her eyes of purple lavender, her soft small lips painted a light red, her long hair red as a apple. All details beaming towards the moon, never losing focus. Every moment of the night spent like this for many days.

She sits hugging her knees and staring out from a dock on the ocean. A place so quiet and long abandoned, a place she considered home. The small crashing waves, the clanking of wood being pushed back and fourth, the only sounds so abundant but yet so calming. It is her place of rest, her place of peace, her place of getaway.

Hours pass, silence calms the night until its broken by footsteps. A man approaches and sits on the dock edge with her, looking up and smiling. "You truly never leave here huh, forever entranced by the moon. You were here the day we met and still return even now" he says trying to engage conversation with her. She looks over at him, his eyes beam a bright blue, his hair  short golden burning flames, his lips black matte. He wears white robes and wings to match, a jagged white halo above his flames, and a large hole in his chest where his heart should be.

She scoffs and returns to facing the stars

"I come here to be left alone, to be away from the world. You turned me into a monster and yet you keep coming back, why?" She asks

He sighs, opens his mouth to speak but hesitates for a few moments "the things I did hurt you yes, but you are no monster. In fact you are better now that I am gone are you not?"

She shakes her head and in a very angered tone responds "not a monster? NOT A MONSTER!?!? Im tearing myself apart because of you, you lit a fire in my heart then ripped it out leaving me feeling cold"

He rubs his chest and nods "okay fine, but you did return the favor"

She gives a sinister grin "you deserved it and you know it"

Time passes and when the sun should be rising it remains missing from the sky, moon still up high not a inch moved.

He stares confused, wondering if it'll ever come up.

She breaks the silence this time "I hate you, I hope you know that"

He chuckles "I can take the hint"

"Killing you brought me solace, the pain still lives on but the joy of you being gone along with your sun is a reminder of it all" she tells him

He looks down, dips his feet in the water and swings them splashing water around. "My death brought you peace with knowing I can never continue on to find happiness ever again didn't it? I loved you, you meant everything to me. Im just sorry that I felt what you did was never enough, you were right in the end. You deserved better lily" he says in a sad tone

She sighs deeply "after everything you did, no apology could ever soothe my soul. The pain, the abandonment, all of it. I lost a major part of myself because of you, I just want it back. I just want to take back my life and you gone" she then waves her hand and he disapates as ash into the wind. Moments later he walks back up and sits down again.

"No matter how much you want to get rid of me, you can't. I made you a promise, you hold onto it even though it pains you. As long as you do I will always be here and I won't go away" he tells her

She turns to him "I will always keep you as a memory, it reminds me of the fantasy I lived. Just like that boy icarus I flew too close to the sun, caught in the illusion of beauty while unaware I was losing my wings" she responds turning back away

He gets up and pulls a envelope out of his robe, placing it down next to her before turning around and getting ready to leave.

"There has to come a time when things end Lilith, I have to say goodbye. You have to let go, you killed me and can't find your own closure. Someday you'll look back and laugh and think of how you killed the sun in the name of love. I Sol died by your hand, my lily.....my Lilith. I did this not you, you can't blame yourself for I am the killer not you" he says before taking in a deep breath and walking forward, his footsteps slowly getting fainter and fainter till silent.

Few more hours pass then she picks up the envelope and opens it, a page containing a poem

Lilith of the sun, Lily of the moon

You gaze at the brightest star at night

Crying at its beautiful sight

Hoping to hold it in your arms

You are entranced by its wonderful charm

Even when its so far away

You want to be with it everyday

She sets the page down and cries, releasing her pain as the sun finally begins to rise. Its rays shining down on her skin and providing her warmth, wrapping around her and hugging her.

"Thank you, for everything in the end" she whispers

[i-am-free-now-it-seems]

An arrow doesn’t stop wounding; It only seems to. Its presence and absence wound equally, but its brutality is unknown to us at this moment, and we are just two girls. Two girls breathless and afraid, fearing a hurt they cannot avoid. Your eyes are cast down, can’t hold my gaze, as if I could hold yours anyway. Looking at you is too much even to bear. You are a reminder of everything I cannot have, everything I need to breathe.

The arrow shoots through us, the damn thing holding us together like we are beads on that necklace you won’t stop playing with, binding our bodies together like I wished our love would. Forced together by the violence of it, bodies pressed into each other and still I’m not looking into your eyes. Why do we love each other despite it all? The answer lies in the way the world stops when I look at you, in the way that I would care less about the sun exploding than you turning away in this moment. The arrow was shot like an accusation, a warning, a cry for deliverance. All because this love is not of Eden? Is that why we must be damaged in order to be connected? The wound blooms around the arrow, the tearing of flesh making me feel as if I am finally ready to meet your eyes, and yet when you look up I cannot look back at you, your expression as indicative of damage as the blood spewing from us. The blood I choke on rises in my throat like bile, and our blood begins to mix between us. The closest we can be is this, our blood mixing in a pool beneath our feet, finally letting us merge into one being.

Here it is, the universe says. You wanted this. You wanted to love her so much you became one thing, and we have given that to you. Look. You cannot separate from her without dying, the arrow barely holding the blood inside your bodies. Take it out, it challenges. Take out the missile which rips you apart and binds you together. See how you like losing every last breath screaming her name.

Tell me a story, and make it sad. Tell me how two girls were too young to know that their small town was not the whole world. Tell me how the love they hid killed them. Tell me how, when they were taken to the church, they never stopped holding hands. Tell me how one of their mothers walked into the room where they were joined, kissing as lovers should. Tell me how they had enough time, enough time to pull away, enough time to be safe, enough time to hide the love others call sin. Tell me how they gave up their lives to go out on their own terms, how they were broken by the world, unable to love again as they had. Tell me how they think about each other till the day they die; how they never pulled the arrow out. How they never pulled the arrow out.

There was time, I scream to myself. They had time to save themselves, but didn’t. They chose to let the arrow kill them slowly, as long as they could hold each other. Their love was what kept them bound, after all, the arrow would kill them whether they pulled it out or not, the damage already too much. Why not die holding each other as their blood stains the world?

There is no blood, not really. There is just a girl sitting across from me in class, and when she smiles I feel the arrow sinking deeper into my ribcage. I want to trap it there, take the hurt for myself and myself alone, just so she will never feel it. Then, one night in an empty parking lot she pulls me in for a hug and her eyes linger on my lips, and I know I cannot save her from that which will tear us apart. So we don’t let go, and her parents find us, hugging like it could replace what we really want. They called me her best friend, such a good and caring friend, if they only knew. When we kissed for the first time my heart felt like it was bursting, but the only thing on my mind was the arrow. So when she tried to pull away when she heard the footsteps, I begged. I said please, love. We cannot end this here. I won’t bleed out alone.

Now, I am almost 20. It has been years since she pushed me away. In those years I have healed myself alone, each mistake sending pain through the hole in my chest. I saw her at the corner of my street and hers. She looks like she hasn't lived a day since we kissed, as if her life paused then and never restarted. Maybe as recently as a year ago I would have put the arrow back in, held us together again knowing she couldn’t stay, knowing I would undo years of my own progress just to try and save her. Not now. My wound is almost healed, I am so close to whole again.

And so I walked away, leaving her despite knowing I will always have the scars across my ribcage to remind me of her. Two women, cleaved together like wounded animals, never able to stop wondering what their future could have been in a life where love is not met by violence. Two women who pulled the arrow out.

[lostgirl677]

Room of memories

Masterlist

Part 2

Part 3

Estasblished relationship

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

TW: Stranger Things season 4 vol.2 spoilers. Death

A/N : It’s quite sad but I tried to put fluff. It’s also a bit long

You couldn’t believe that you were driving back to his place. The place where your life changed forever with no going back, shattered fates and hearts. You felt tears brimming to your eyes with all the images of your last moments together on this earth replaying in your head like a broken record, blurring the road ahead of you. But you couldn’t allow yourself to let your emotions flow that way despite the fact that everything reminded you of Eddie's presence or absence, should I say. The old mixtapes laying there, the full ashtray, the stain he made with his burger on the dashboard and even his old jacket on the backseat, it was like you were just driving him home while he’s sound asleep on the passenger seat. You could almost hear his light snores. Like the good ol’ time. You wanted to live in this kind of memory forever but every single time the image of his eyes going dull flashed in your head and struck you like lightning. You even heard his last words, ‘I love you Y/N’, countless times with every gust of wind. As if he used it to send you love words from the beyond. You always smile through your tears when it happens and whisper sweet words, hoping that he’ll receive them somehow. Every sunrise reminded you of his bright smile and every sunset, the way his brown eyes seemed to take a honey color. You always tried to remember the good moments with him and they were legion. With someone like Eddie by your side, the roughest moment always felt easier. But now you had to go through this alone or almost. That’s the precise reason you were driving. The tears made their way to your cheeks by now, making it difficult to see.

 At the simple idea of going back to the trailer, you wanted to jump off a cliff but you had to help his uncle through this. Eddie was his only family left, his ‘son’ and now he was all alone with his grief. He was practically family to you, like a second father. He was devastated and you couldn’t leave him that way. When you arrived in his driveway, you parked your car and took Eddie’s jacket on the backseat to wrap yourself in it. It still had his scent, as if he just gave it to you after wearing it all day long. It made you feel a little better. You couldn’t help but glance at the exact place where he breathed his last breath, even though it was in fact in  the Upside Down.It looked like flowers grew in the exact place you had to leave Eddie. Flowers you never saw there before. It brought a small smile on your lips. You then found the courage to walk to the trailer’s door and knock. The door creaked loudly and Eddie’s uncle appeared. When you set eyes on Wayne, you could feel all his emotions on his face. He had dark circles under his eyes, his wrinkles more pronounced than usual and his cheeks were stained with dried tears..He seemed to have lost weight too. Before any words were exchanged, he took you in his arms. You returned his hug. When you parted, he glanced at you with a small smile and said with a sob evident in his voice ‘Thank you for coming here, Y/N’. He looked like he was about to burst into tears at any moment, probably due to the jacket and its scent, but seemed to control it for both of your sakes. ‘You’re welcome, Mr Munson.’ He smiled weakly. ‘I already told you that you can call me Wayne.’ You smiled too. ‘Sorry, some habits are hard to lose.’ He  smiled again and got out of the way to invite you inside. You obliged and what you saw made your heart clench even more. It was messier than usual, the windows were closed so as to not let any ray of sunshine go through them, cans of beer scattered on the floor and cigarette’s butts everywhere. You were practically sure that there were shattered plates on the sink. He closed the door and gestured you to the couch while he took a chair. You sat and waited for him to say something. He just looked everywhere and the silence quickly became awkward. It was maybe his way to grieve, having someone with him and staying silent ? But then you saw him glancing at you hesitantly. You decided that it was time to break the silence. You cleared your throat and took all your courage to talk.

 ‘So…’ It seemed to catch his attention and he turned his head to look at you. ‘ They say that bringing good memories of Eddie can help a lot. So I thought  that maybe…’ you gently smiled at him. He smiled too. ‘It’s a good idea. I have tons of good memories with him.’ His eyes seemed to get a glassy look as unshed tears tried to escape. So you began to recount all the adventures you both had with him. ‘I remember that time when Eddie was six. He came home, all proud of himself after getting Mrs Jones’s cat, Fluffles, out of a tree. He had scratches all over his face but his missing teeth smile was priceless. And Mrs Jones gave him five dollars.’ You laughed a bit. You remembered that fat ginger cat vividly. ‘Or even the time he thought that a watermelon would grow inside his belly after swallowing the seeds’ He had this nostalgia in his eyes. ‘I also remember when he made me read The Hobbit to help him sleep. He took it everywhere with him. He even learned how to read with this book’ That made you remember something. ‘That reminds me of the time I asked my mom to sew hobbit costumes for both of us so we could go trick or treating together as Frodo and Sam.’ He softly laughed. ‘And I had to let my beard grow, take an old uniform at work and a worn out gray hat to play Gandalf.’ You could remember it as if it happened yesterday. He had the perfect hair for Frodo so you were Sam and you swore to fight by his side until the very end. And you did, goddamn you did it till the very end. Emotions threatened to overtake you so you swallowed thickly and kept going with the memories. ‘ One time when we were around seven, we played outside and we were a bit bored. So Eddie had the brilliant idea to bet that he could land on his feet after jumping from the oak tree near my house. We both know how it ended but he was really proud of his plaster cast. He really thought that it made him look badass but he never mentioned to anyone how hard he cried when the adrenaline wore off.’ You said fondly. ‘I’m pretty sure his love for tattoos is your fault with all the drawings you did on his plaster cast’ Wayne said with a light laugh. After a little silence, he said ‘ You know, my brother was sent to jail and his wife was unable to take care of Eddie. So when I had his custody, he was barely verbal due to his young age. I almost saw all his first times and one time he fell really hard on his knees and his tiny hands bled a bit with gravel on them. He cried hard and when I took him inside to clean his wounds, he called me “Dad”. I was caught off guard that I almost cried myself.’

 He then took his wallet off his pocket to open it to reveal a child’s drawing with a tall stick figure and “Wayne” with a few spelling mistakes. ‘After all these years, I still have it and I will never take it off my wallet.’ His voice shattered. You could feel his emotions. You helped Eddie on this drawing so many years ago. That’s even the way you met. ‘This drawing is the reason Eddie and I became friends. It was a project for the upcoming father’s day. He tried many things but couldn’t finish them because he was never satisfied. He wanted the perfect gift for you and since he really loved drawing, he decided to draw you something. As you know, even then, the other kids were mean to him. They wouldn’t let him approach the table with the drawing material. And I guess that he saw me all alone in a corner with a few paper sheets and pencils so he came to ask me if he could borrow some of my material. I said yes and he sat next to me. He introduced himself and then asked my opinion on the colors he should use. We talked through the whole process and discovered that we were quite similar so we decided to play at the next recess. And you know the rest of the story.’ You said, smiling. Wayne had a fond smile on his face. 

With a soft voice he said ‘ I always knew that Eddie was an artist. When he saw this guitar on the window display of the music shop, he went crazy over it. He made plans on getting a job or even helping the neighbors to obtain the money. Sadly, he already had a bad reputation in the neighborhood and nobody wanted to hire him. So I worked extra hours and ate the least possible to save this money. Of course, he found a way to get money’ you already knew how, even though his uncle seemed to ignore it. ‘ But I managed to buy it with all the extra money I got. So for his birthday, I settled everything, you probably remember how his face lit up when you handed him the guitar. I also remember the day he told me proudly that he was the dungeon master of his own club. I was lost with all the lore of Dungeon and Dragon but he seemed so happy about it that I did my best to follow through his explanations. He even made me wear a costume to get inspiration to create a character in his campaign. A magician I think.’ He said with a smile. ‘One time, he played his whole scenario in front of me, doing all the characters and their voices, even the damsel in distress.’ You said, laughing at the image of Eddie as a damsel in distress. Wayne smiled too. He then checked his watch and got up. You saw him grab a bucket, a sponge and a few chemicals from under the sink. ‘It really helped, Y/N. Thank you. I have to go but you can stay.’ You looked at him, curious. ‘Where are you going ?’ he sighed. ‘I have to go to the cemetery to watch over his grave. I saw that there was graffitis on it again.’ It felt like a punch on the guts. Eddie’s grave. Eddie’s shallow grave. And there were assholes able to do such a terrible thing to someone’s grave. For a brief instant, you almost forgot that he was dead. ‘I can go there if you want to.’ you proposed. He smiled sadly at you. ‘No it’s okay. You can stay here if you want to. Grab whatever you want in the fridge. You can even take some things in Eddie’s room. I’m sure he would be okay with this. Good evening, Y/N’. You looked at your watch and realized that the sun must have set by now. ‘Good evening Wayne.’ He smiled at you and got out.

You struggled to make your way to Eddie’s room. It was so hard but you had to do it. The moment you set foot in his room, a violent flow of memories overwhelmed you completely. Every single piece of decoration was a piece of Eddie himself. It was like nothing happened at all. His curtains were open and the darkness of the night overtook the room. You faced directly his chest of drawers with his mirror and of course, his guitar. You began to sob quietly and this simple sight but tried to regain your composure as best as you could. You began to walk around his small room. Next to his amp laid a piece of his old plaster cast with his favorite drawing of yours on it. You remembered how he begged the doctor to let him keep this part. You laughed a bit at this memory. The doctor’s incredulous look was priceless, really. You then saw a series of silly pictures of Eddie and you on the wall.

Flashback

‘Come on, Y/N ! It’ll be funny. Plus I’m sure you’ll want to remember how sexy we were before we grow old ’ Eddie said, pleading with you with his puppy eyes. He knew you couldn’t resist it and viciously used it against you to get whatever he wanted from you. ‘Fiiiine’ you said, rolling your eyes but smiling at the same time. He smiled so hard that it looked painful. He pushed you on the photo booth and took place next to you. At the moment the camera took the first picture, he sneezed super hard so it covered you with a bit of snot and his hair was everywhere. ‘Eddie ! It’s disgusting !’ you said, almost choking on your laugh ‘You have seen nothing yet !’ He said winking at you.He licked your cheek for the second picture while you laughed like a crazy girl. ‘Revenge !’ You screamed. On the third one, you messed his hair even more while he placed his ring cladded hand on your cheek to playfully push you away.’It was really low of you, Y/N ‘ he said with mock hurt. So on the last one, he took you by complete surprise and kissed you on the lips. You were sure we could even see the red on your cheeks in the pictures. It was both your first kiss. ‘Admit that you liked it as much as I did’ He said smugly with his adorable smile. ‘Shut up Munson’ you replied and kissed his cheek. When you got out, the whole mall looked at you and your disheveled appearance. He simply looked at them with a stupid grin. When you took the pictures, you both burst into laughter. ‘Black mail material much, right ?’ he said. 'Definitely. I love them ! But I think I love you more, Eds’ He blushed heavily. ‘I love you too, Y/N/N’

End of Flashback

Looking at his blurry figure in the first picture still made you laugh to this day. You had a duplicata on your wallet, you looked at them from time to time.

 You then looked at the stuffed bear behind his pillow. He made you swear that you’ll never tell a living soul about it. You still remember how you won it for him.

Flashback

‘Have you heard about the fair coming to town this week ? It looks a bit boring but you know, we could…bring a bit of animation on it. You know, you and me?’ He seemed so enthusiastic about it. ‘Are you asking me on a date, Eddie ?’ His smile began to grow bigger. ‘Is it a yes ?’ You took his hand on yours and looked him in the eyes. ‘ Maybe ?’ you added, raising an eyebrow. He dropped on his knees and dramatically said, ‘Are you trying to drive this poor man insane ? Can’t a gentleman ask the woman of his dreams without her being so cruel ? Is it what they call tough love ?’ He got up quickly and whispered in your ear. ‘If so, I’m totally into it’ You blushed. ‘Idiot.’ ‘Yes, but I'm your favorite idiot. So I’ll pick you up at 7 PM?’ You just rolled your eyes. ‘Fine’.

At the fair, it was difficult to walk without people looking weirdly at the two of you but you didn’t care. ‘Look Y/N ! A haunted house !’ he practically jumped into place. He was like a kid again. You knew he just wanted to be in the dark with you so you obliged. You entered the attraction and began to walk through it . You were both laughing, earning disapproving looks from the others. ‘Look at how fake it looks. They call that a vampire, I call that a toothless grandpa and have you seen this…. AAAAAAHHHHH’ he nearly pierced your ear drums with his blood curdling scream when the werewolf suddenly jumped from the fake bush . ‘So…It looks fake, nothing scary in here.’ you said sarcastically. ‘I just wanted to scare you with my banshee scream.’ You rolled your eyes. ‘Yeah right, but I’m scared that you managed to make me deaf above all’.You finished the attraction and decided that you wanted to win something for him. You took him to Balloon Pop and when you saw the teddy bear, you knew that was the perfect gift for him. ‘So my lady wants to win something for me ? I feel like a princess. The courtship can begin only if you fight your hardest for my hand.’ He said, presenting you his hand. Was he always this dramatic ? When you saw that he still waited in that position, you took his hand and kissed it. ‘Anything for you, princess.’ you said. He grinned and let you play. You won and asked for the bear. You turned to Eddie and said ‘For you Milady. May this humble gift signify my affection for you’ ‘Oh my knight in shining armor’ he said, throwing himself on your arms. At the end of the date, he drove you to your house and kissed you. ‘Promise me to never tell anyone about the plush.’ You seemed to think about it. ‘I can’t promise anything but be sure that you are my princess, Eds’ you said kissing him. ‘You are impossible Y/N. But I guess that’s why I love you so much’ He then drove back to his trailer.

End of Flashback

You hugged the bear really tight, holding it as if it was Eddie himself. The last time you slept with him, you saw that he clutched the bear in his sleep. Yeah, the tough metalhead was a real softie deep down. He was really chaotic. You still remember the late night call when he NEEDED to know whether the butterflies felt humans on their stomach when they were in love.

 Flashback

‘Because, goddamn, if I was a butterfly, I would feel the whole world population in my belly when you’re near me.’ ‘I don’t know if it's because it’s 2 AM or anything but it’s one of the worst and yet the most creative pick-up lines ever and I still feel flattered by it. Harrington should ask you for dating advice.’ ‘Not anybody can be the local Casanova, sweetheart.’ ‘Whatever you say Munson, now let’s get back to sleep. Goodnight, my Aragorn’ You could hear the smile in his voice ‘Goodnight, Undómiel’ you were about to hang up when you heard him ask you ‘Did you know that we had homeworks for English ?!’ You rolled your eyes. ‘Yes, but I’ll let you copy them tomorrow before class, promise. Love you.’ ‘Love you too.’

End of Flashback

As you roamed, you recognized his handmade poster for the Corroded Coffin concerts on the Hideout. He was so proud of it and even invited you for the occasion. Next to it, there were a sheet with your song on it.

Flashback

The bar was nearly empty on this Tuesday night. Some guys were already too drunk to keep their eyes open. You hung out with the owner while you waited for Eddie to appear on the stage. When he appeared in all his glory, his makeup on fleek and his hair looking really metal like he used to say. He was always so confident but here, he appeared super nervous. At the moment he took the microphone in his hands, he looked like he was about to run the hell out the bar. But then he spotted you and said ‘Good evening Lady and Gentlemen, we’re the new stars of Hawkins, Corroded Coffin and I wanted to dedicate the first song to a really special person who still stands by me and supports me after all these years. This is for you. He then began to play a special song just for you.

End of Flashback

You were so fond of all these memories. You found a paper with an A + on it. It was your science project in freshman year. Eddie was so proud that he pinned it on his wall.

You also found his D&D stuff but most importantly his Dungeon Master notebook. You grabbed it and took a look inside. There was a campaign in the making. His last campaign… He’ll never get to finish it. You prepared this one together, he told you everything about it but the last events happened before he could write it. Your tears almost leaked on the ink of the notebook. You decided to give it to Dustin so you could finish it together and play it the way Eddie wanted it. 

You continued your exploration of Eddie's room. You found the drawing of the two of you you made for him when you were eight. God it was ugly, but you made it with all your heart and he kept it. You even found your old book of exploration with secret codes to decipher, riddles, dragons you had to fight with dice, a kind of D&D of your own. And even some of your mixtapes and his hobbit costume. To your surprise, all these memories made you more happy than sad. In a way, they say ‘Don’t be sad because it’s over. Be happy because it happened’, so you tried to live by it. You were about to grab one of his Hellfire Club t-shirts when you heard a weird noise in the living room. You jumped, dropped the t-shirt and got out of the room to inspect. What you found on the floor disconcerted you. ‘What the hell ?’ you said out loud. It was a tiny piece of bloodied black fabric. No, it must be something else. You made your way to Eddie’s room again and found the window open and when you approached, you heard a twig breaking and were sure that you saw a silhouette with long crazy wavy brown hair and a bandana running under the moonlight. What if ? No, Impossible. He wasn’t alive. You were going crazy.

Timeskip

‘In honor of our late Dungeon Master, Eddie, we’re gonna play his last masterpiece’ said Dustin solemnly as you took place on Eddie’s throne. You wore one of his beloved rings and his jacket to complete the tribute. You all cheered with your cans of apple juice and began to play. You were sure that Eddie would be proud.

Once the campaign was over, you went outside to take some fresh air. It was really overwhelming to play it in his honor instead of playing with him. You heard weird noises nearby. You followed it and saw the same weird silhouette once again…

[mitsuributmexican]

Hello, honey. I read your h/c about Levi, as a father, and I really liked it. Great job, honey. Warning, honey, i will use bad words. I understand perfectly well, if you refuse, everything is fine.

If you don't mind, can I ask for papa Erwin? It doesn't matter, if biological father for Y/n or not. The main thing, is that, he loves her, finds out about her or finds her, but then takes her to himself, when she is already an adult (20+, if you don't mind). Probably, he will take Y/n to himself, when he finds out that she is not just a little sad and apathetic, but hurts herself and tried to commit suicide several times and tries again? Yeah-yeah, banal things, the absence of a father and a not very gentle mother, and, in general, not a very loving family, lol. And when he says he loves her, she'll say that, lol, sir, you're kidding, I'm not worthy of such an attitude, a cruel joke, sir.

It's fine, if you don't like it. Please, remember, that your life, is a miracle. And that you're very important. You deserve the best.

A/N: TYSM 😭😭💞💞 YOU’RE FAR TOO KIND!!! YOUR LIFE IS ALSO A MIRACLE AND YOU ARE ALSO IMPORTANT.

Yandere!Platonic!Dad Erwin Headcanons with Sad and Apathetic Reader

CW/TW: mentions of $uicide attempts and self harm, reader having a not so great childhood, yandere, kidnapping, mentions of chloroform, sad reader.

Your life wasn’t pleasant nor horrible. “Things could be worse.” you told yourself. But with your parents sometimes you doubted if it could really be worse. A mother who made you feel as if she wished you were never born. An absent biological father that left with no explanation. Your mother had gotten married, giving you a stepfather that disappointed you.

Safe to say this life was not easy on you. You grew up not feeling wanted or loved and this took a toll on you. Soon you began wondering why you were even born. There was nothing to care about, right? No one loved you (or so you thought) so what point is there to life? 

Serotonin was barely produced in your brain, only being produced during moments where you felt a sense of comfort. It wasn’t quick for all of this and its effects to manifest in you in an unpleasant form. That form being self-harm and suicide attempts. You had made multiple attempts at ending your life, none ending you up in the hospital. None being noticed. 

The pain wouldn’t go away, despite how much you wanted it to. Little did you know, someone would be willing to take away the pain and ease it for you. Someone out there loves you and that was no other than your biological father, Erwin Smith. Pretty surprising for someone that’s been absent basically all your life. But not surprising to him as he had been trying to find you for the past years.

When you were born, things got more occupying for him. Missions and expeditions being more frequent, and the death toll being higher. Erwin was often not around and wasn’t able to be present in your life. Eventually when you were a few months old, your mother had broken up with him due to how absent he was. She moved away, taking you with her. Since then, Erwin has dedicated his life to finding you.

Finally after over 20 long years, his search has wielded results. He’s found you. But you’re no longer a baby or a little girl, you’re a grown woman. He missed out on your entire childhood. As much as he’d blame your mother, he blames himself. Were he not to be so dedicated to his work, he would’ve gotten to raise you properly and give you the love you need and deserve.

So he’ll make up for it now. Whether you like it or not. He makes a plan to take you to himself. After you fall asleep, he’ll take you away from this miserable life of yours and give you the care you deserve. He silently follows you home that night. Making sure to not startle you and scare you.

Once you fall asleep, he presses a rag against your mouth with chloroform on it in order to assure this goes smoothly. As soon as he feels you’re passed out he takes you to his house. He takes some of your belongings with him so you’ll have at least a few things that you’re familiar with. One of those things is a journal you’ve been writing in for a few years. He lays you down on your new bed in a room he saved just for you after he gets to his house. 

You wake up, somewhere completely different from where you fell asleep. Still feeling tired, you shut your eyes again and rest for more hours. When you wake up again, you just lie there. Not caring. If this is how you die, at least it’ll finally be over. If not, you finally get to rest for a bit.

Eventually Erwin gets worried. You haven’t come out of your room and he hasn’t heard anything. Did he put too much chloroform in that rag? He goes to your room to check on you. To his surprise, you’re conscious and just laying there. So why haven’t you moved? 

“Y/N?” he asks. You turn your head around and see him. “Who are you?” you ask him. “I’m your father sweetheart.” he says. You wonder if he’s lying or not, as your biological father was barely present in your life and you don’t even know what he looks like. “I’m not lying in case you’re wondering. I did not get to raise you and love you like you deserved to be due to my position as the commander of the survey corps. Your mother had broken up with me because of this and since then I never saw you. I missed out on your entire childhood and I apologize.” he says.

Come to think about it, whenever your mother would talk about your biological father she would say a thing or two about him being a workaholic. You’re honestly a bit taken back by the situation so you just go along. “I brought you a glass of water.” says Erwin, handing it to you.  You waste no time drinking the whole glass as your throat feels dried out. To be honest, if someone is willing to take care of you and be a good parent, you have no qualms with having to live with them.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After a few months of living with Erwin and coming to terms with the fact that he is indeed your father, he tells you that he loves you (platonically ofc). As cared about as he made you feel, you do not believe this. The first time he said it, you simply did not respond. The second, you just shook your head no. The third, you told him that he’s surely joking. Why can’t you accept that he loves you? 

One day when you’re out to run an errand Erwin tries to think of some explanation. Surely there must be a reason as to why you don’t think he loves you! So he looks in your room. Eventually he finds that journal you’ve been writing in. After flipping through a few pages he finds the pages detailing your attempts.

He immediately feels a sense of anger and guilt wash over him. Guilt, because he wasn’t there for you when you needed him. Anger, because the people he trusted with you didn’t notice your pain and struggles. No one noticed what you were going through, and no one seemed to care. This is why you didn’t believe that he loved you, isn’t it?

Erwin plans to make your favorite food that night and buys you your favorite foods. He does not care what he has to do to prove that you’re his daughter and that he loves you. You’re his world and he’ll do everything and anything in his power to let you know that. And he’ll get rid of anyone who makes you think otherwise or feel uncared about.

[luminnara]

It’s Been A Long, Long Time | Alpha!Bucky x Omega!Reader ch 3

Summary: When HYDRA had their prized asset, the Winter Soldier, they did something no one ever thought was possible: they gave super soldier serum to an omega. With the sole purpose of tending to him during his ruts, she spends decades living in HYDRA facilities, denied her humanity and her life. Now, years later, Bucky Barnes has his mind and his own life back…and the last thing he ever expects is to see a familiar omega again. Bucky/OC, a little angsty but mostly smutty/fluffy/romantic!

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Warnings: A/B/O, some light angst

Tags:  @kyrah-williams  @oceanmermaidwitch @shawnie--jo 

Amoretta woke to the sound of a familiar alarm blaring through the compound. It was loud enough to make her wince and curl up, seeking out the warmth of her alpha while he laid next to her. She knew what the sound meant; he was officially finished with his rut, and they were going to be separated again. 

The thought made her heart ache. She couldn’t take much more of this. All she wanted was to stay by his side, her instincts telling her that he was the perfect one to watch over and protect her even if she didn’t need a protector. Though all of her suppressants greatly toned down the way she yearned and cried for him, nothing could erase those feelings completely, and each time the guards came to take him away from her, it hurt a little bit more. 

“‘Mega,” he said, voice extra low and rumbly from sleeping. 

“Alpha,” she sighed, rubbing her nose against his neck. 

He returned the gesture, tucking his face down into her scent gland and inhaling deeply. Even though she didn’t smell as strongly as omegas he encountered while out in the field, he loved her scent more than anything he had ever found before. Plus, her own scent being weaker meant that it was easier to cover her with his, and before the guards could come in and order him to leave, he made sure to rub his own gland all over her hair.

Amoretta sighed happily as he scented her, enjoying the smell of motor oil and cloves. If she was lucky, it wouldn’t fade before she got to see him again, and she would be able to at least catch a slight hint of him in her hair whenever she moved. 

“My omega,” the soldier purred, nosing her cheek to try and get her to look at him. 

She smiled softly, placing a hand on his jaw. “Your omega.”

The sound of a metal door sliding open made her close her eyes. She didn’t want this to end. She didn’t want to go back to her cell and spend another three months bored. 

“Longing,” a Russian voice over the intercom suddenly said. 

Amoretta let out a dejected breath. They were taking him away again. 

Her alpha moved to get up, listening to the words he had heard countless times before. His body was moving of its own volition, his limbs untangling themselves from hers even though he wanted to stay right there with her forever. 

“Rusted.”

He growled softly, a hand lingering on his omega’s neck. 

“Furnace.”

“Don’t go,” she whimpered, staring up at him with big, sad eyes. 

His hand moved to cup her cheek, a calloused thumb brushing over her skin. He didn’t want to go. He wanted to do as she asked. 

“Daybreak.”

He knew he was supposed to listen to the trigger words. They always commanded him, keeping him in check so that he could never have too much free thought. This time, he knew they would be followed by orders to get up and go back to his quarters so that he could await further instruction. 

But he didn’t want to.

“Seventeen.”

He couldn’t remember the last time he had had such a strong urge to disobey. It wasn’t overpowering, by any means, but it was enough for him to hesitate instead of walking away immediately. 

“Benign.”

The omega on the cot looked distraught.  He didn’t like it. He wanted her to be looking at him, paying attention to him, keeping her focus on him. She shouldn’t be staring at the wall, averting her gaze from the naked alpha before her. 

“”Mega,” the soldier said, getting her attention again. 

“Nine.”

“Hm?” she looked at him, and she felt like she was getting caught up in those icy blue eyes. 

“Homecoming.”

For a moment, he just looked down at her. She was so lovely, so perfect. 

“Be good.” he said.

She sat up slightly, staring at him. He had never said that before, not like that, not in that way. He called her good omega, good girl, pretty omega...he told her to be obedient, he praised her whenever she listened to him...but he had never told her be good, not with that tone. It was almost like...a warning, or...a promise?

“One.”

His nostrils flared, chest heaving with a sigh as he turned away from her. 

“Wait!�� she called, reaching for him. 

But he was already facing the door. 

“Freight car.”

The soldier bowed his head. “Ready to comply.”

Amoretta let out a pitiful wail, watching helplessly as her alpha was ordered to return to his cell. The worst part was how he did so, and he seemed so willing to leave her behind. She knew he was under HYDRA’s full control, she knew that they liked to go in and mess with his brain whenever he showed any independence, but it still felt like she was being broken up with every single time she had to watch him leave. 

“Omega,” the voice said as the door slid shut. “Return to your cell and prepare for cryo.”

Another door opened and she stood slowly, wiping away tears that she knew she shouldn’t have had. She felt stupid for caring so much. Her hopes for a better, normal life were always crushed whenever HYDRA separated them again, and watching him walk away like that without a glance back at her was taking its toll on her emotional health. 

Without much other choice, she trudged down the narrow corridor, dragging her feet despite the threat of the cattle prods behind her. While the soldier was obedient enough to be allowed to walk on his own, they never trusted Amoretta, still all too aware of how much she liked to lash out at her handlers. 

They shoved her into her holding cell, where she spent about an hour waiting around before they returned to drag her off to the lab. Sometimes, when the soldier wasn’t going to be needed for a while, HYDRA put him in cryo. Amoretta once heard a doctor saying that it was to preserve his longevity, but she was pretty sure it was just that they didn’t want to deal with him all the time. When that happened, they put her into cryogenesis, too, letting her sleep until her alpha was thawed out. 

She supposed she should be grateful for the long naps, sometimes spending months or even years at a time not having to think about the way that HYDRA kept her as a prisoner, but she hated it. She didn’t like being away from her alpha, and whenever they brought her back out of cryo, she had a tendency to get sick. 

It wasn’t pleasant. 

This time, as the doctors strapped her down, she snarled at them. She was tired of this, tired of her life with HYDRA. She was reaching her breaking point, finally. 

“Quiet,” a beta doctor snapped, picking up a syringe. 

Amoretta rolled her eyes. “Or what?”

He glared at her. “You don’t want to find out.”

“You won’t get rid of me. You need me.” she growled. 

“We don’t need you.” the man scoffed. “We can easily find another omega that can take the serum. You aren’t special, Subject 1096.”

“Oh yeah? Then why don’t you?” she dared to ask. “Why give me a number and keep me around for so long if I’m not important?”

“You omegas are always so sappy.” he said, a disgusted tone to his voice. “You’re convinced the Winter Soldier is your mate, aren’t you?”

“He seems to think so.” she said defensively. 

“Does he?” the doctor pressed the needle to her arm. “Or is he just happy to have something around to fuck?”

Amoretta wanted to bite his hand off for being so rude. She wanted to scream and snap and thrash, proving that they had made a mistake when they decided to give her of all omegas the serum. She was stronger than they knew. She could tear this doctor apart if she got ahold of his hand as he stood just out of her reach. Amoretta wanted HYDRA to regret the day they chose to make her so powerful. 

But the tranquilizer was already being injected into her veins, and she could feel herself floating away. Her vision swam, her skin suddenly feeling cold as she was lowered into her cryo pod for a nice, long, icy nap. 

She wished her soldier was there with her, but he wasn’t. Instead, she was all alone, left to sleep and hope for sweet dreams filled with his cold blue eyes and the low rumble of his voice.

--

“Widow, you copy?”

“Loud and clear, Cap.” a feminine voice said through the earpiece. 

Steve Rogers nodded to himself as he crept through the dark hallways. Checking out abandoned HYDRA bases wasn’t his favorite pastime, but it was an important one, and he’d be damned if he let Nat and Clint go without him for a mission like this. Besides, he owed it to Bucky to make sure everything was taken care of; he knew how much it frustrated his friend that he wasn’t allowed near HYDRA facilities yet. 

But they just couldn’t risk anything happening, not when he had finally managed to free himself of HYDRA’s influence on his mind. 

Thanks, Wakanda.

“What’s your position, Cap?” Natasha asked. 

“Northeast hall,” Steve answered as he rounded a corner. “Looks like medical facilities. There’s no sign of--”

As soon as he had opened his mouth, a row of low emergency lights flickered to life on the floor, illuminating his path and bathing the hallway in a red glow. 

“There’s still power. Stay alert.” he warned. 

“Copy that.”

Shield in hand, Steve made his way to a set of doors, nudging them open as quietly as he could. 

He really wasn’t expecting what he saw. 

He had definitely stepped into some sort of medical bay, gurneys and instruments left abandoned whenever HYDRA had up and left this place. If it weren’t for the staleness of the air and complete absence of life, it would have looked like the doctors had been there only moments before. 

As Steve made his way around crude operating tables, sheet plastic crinkling under his boots, he spotted a soft blue glow coming from a small doorway in the corner of the room. He adjusted his grip, keeping his shield raised just in case, but as he neared the lightsource, he lowered it again. 

“Nat, you’re gonna wanna come see this.”

It only took a few minutes for Black Widow to reach her teammate, and when she did, she let out a low whistle. 

“That’s a cryo pod.” she said, leaning towards the metal device. “And it sure looks like it’s being used.”

“Is whoever’s in it alive?” Steve asked. 

“Only one way to find out. Care to do the honors?” Natasha nodded towards the metal handle on the front of the pod. 

“Is this safe?” Steve put down his shield.

“This place has been abandoned since the late 80s. Seems like the end of the Cold War scared HYDRA away from a lot of their bases.” Natasha said, peering through the small, frosted glass window into the pod. “But there’s definitely someone in there.”

“Well, we can’t exactly lug this whole thing out to the plane,” Steve sighed, grabbing the heavy metal handle. 

As he wrenched it to the side, he could hear a pneumatic hiss, air rushing out of the lock. With a heavy clang, the pod opened, and Steve was able to pull the door to the side. 

Doing so revealed a young woman, her scent too muted by the chill of cryo sleep to tell what her secondary gender was. She was nude, the sight of her causing Steve to avert his gaze in embarrassment. Natasha either didn’t notice or didn’t care, and as she pulled a glove off and pressed her hand to a cold forehead, there seemed to be movement behind the woman’s eyelids. 

“Wow. She’s frozen.” Widow commented, moving her hand down to press two fingers against her neck. “...I’ve got a pulse here, though. We’d better get her out to the transport.”

Steve nodded, taking Natasha’s place as she stepped back to call in their find. Still doing his best to be a gentleman and avoid looking at the girl, he quickly unbuckled the brittle leather straps holding the girl in place, freeing her arms and legs before pulling her out of the pod. Her skin was icy against him, but Nat was right--he could feel her heart beating slowly, her pulse speeding up towards something more normal and less like hibernation. 

“Here. Found this in a cupboard.” Natasha appeared with a musty blanket in her arms, draping it around the woman’s shoulders. 

Steve wrapped it around her before picking her up, finally daring to look down at her now that she was covered. Her hair was long and dark, and though her cheeks were a bit gaunt, no doubt thanks to HYDRA’s general disregard for human life, she didn’t seem too worse for wear. He couldn’t see any bruises on her face or neck, and her scent glands looked to be free of any mating bonds. 

Well, at least she wasn’t missing anybody special, right? Being separated from a bonded mate for so long could kill a person, especially if they happened to be an alpha or an omega. Steve still couldn’t smell for sure, but this girl had such a small stature that he had a suspicion she might be the latter. 

He caught a glimpse of a thin metal identification band around her wrist, almost like the kind used to track wild animals. On it, Steve could see SUBJECT 1096 stamped in, and he couldn’t help but grimace. What did that mean? That she was an experiment?

As he followed Natasha out into the abandoned hallway, the girl in his arms stirred slightly. She rubbed her cheek against Steve’s chest, nuzzling into him as if searching for a scent. When she didn’t seem to find what she expected, he caught her furrowing her brow, her lips turning down in a slight frown. 

“Alpha?” she asked quietly, voice barely audible. 

“You’re safe now,” Steve said, trying to reassure her. She was right, he was an alpha, and he did his best to cover her in a calming scent. The last thing he wanted was a panicked omega on his hands. 

“Not...alpha…” she said weakly, eyes still closed. She raised a hand, grabbing at Steve’s chest with tired fingers. “T-take me home…”

“We’re going somewhere safe,” he said, quickening his pace. “I promise. You’re okay now.”

She let out a tiny whine, squirming half heartedly in his grip. “Want...my alpha…”

As Steve and Natasha walked out of the hidden HYDRA bunker and waited for Clint to bring the plane down, the scent of fresh air finally roused the omega enough that she opened her eyes. Steve looked down at her, worry written all over his face, and as her gaze met his, she looked disappointed. 

Those weren’t the blue eyes she was hoping for. She didn’t know this alpha, and she wanted nothing to do with him. She wanted her soldier back, not this stranger. But she was too tired to fight, still drowsy from her time in cryo, and as he carried her onto the transport, she passed out again, hoping that her alpha would come and find her and take her away from the people she was stuck with now. 

“What--what’s this?” Clint asked, turning in the pilot’s seat as Nat and Steve boarded the plane. 

“She was in cryo,” Natasha said, grabbing an emergency cot and laying it out in the back. “Pulse is there, but we’ve got no idea how healthy she is otherwise.”

“We need to get her back to the tower.” Steve said, setting her down. 

“You got it, Cap.” Clint turned back around. “Weather’s good. Should be just a couple hours til we’re there.”

“I’ll let Bruce know.” Natasha took the copilot’s seat, immediately grabbing a headset to radio back. 

As the craft took off, Amoretta was stuck in an unwelcome sleep. The last thing she wanted was to be unconscious right now, when she knew she was surrounded by unfamiliar alphas. She was grateful for the fresh air, but with it came the scents of people, of strangers, and she didn’t like that one bit. As out of it as she was, she knew that she had been taken out of cryo, and everything else just felt wrong. 

The alpha she had woken up with wasn’t hers. She had been so happy at first, thinking that her soldier had been the one to carry her out of the base...until she caught his scent and realized that it was wrong. The second she knew she was in someone else’s arms, all she wanted to do was thrash and kick and bite, but she simply didn’t have the strength yet.

So she had to settle for sleeping, and, thankfully, dreaming. 

Cryo never seemed to give her dreams, at least not any that she could ever remember. It felt like it had been forever since she had a normal nap, though, and her mind was happy to wander. Thoughts of her soldier swirled around each other, and for the first time in a long time, she was sleeping peacefully.

With nothing else to do, Steve took a seat next to the omega, strapping himself in. And leaning back with a sigh. Who was she, and why was her scent so muted? He had never encountered an omega who was so...well, scentless before. Even when they took suppressants to keep their heats at bay, they still reeked of omega. He never thought anything could change that, but apparently, something could. 

As they flew home, he found himself staring down at her, wondering why HYDRA had her in cryo for so long. She had to be important for them to keep her around, right? They weren’t known for wasting their time with people they couldn’t use. But, then again...what use could they possibly have for an omega who didn’t even smell like one? It didn’t make sense.

“Maybe she was a test subject.” Natasha said, practically reading his mind. 

“Think so?” Steve asked, tearing his eyes away from the omega to look at the spy. 

“We found her in a lab.” She shrugged. “Before the Berlin Wall came down, they had their hands in everything. The Soviets funded countless experiments on omegas.”

Steve frowned. “Guess I missed a lot while I was in that ice.”

“Eh, not much.” Clint said. “Just the same old shit.”

Steve gave him a look.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Same old stuff. Better, goody two shoes?”

“Better.”

Barton snorted a laugh. “Come on, work is the one place I can swear without a kid overhearing! You’ve gotta give me a pass once in a while.”

“Never said you couldn’t swear,” Steve sighed, leaning his head back again. He wanted to know what HYDRA was doing with this omega. Were they experimenting on her? She looked like she was fairly healthy, so whatever they had done must not have taken much of a physical toll on her. 

There was also the matter of why they had left her behind when they abandoned their base. There hadn’t been any signs of struggle, at least not that he had seen. It looked like HYDRA had simply chosen to get up and leave one day a few decades ago, with no obvious reasoning as to why. 

Steve had to admit he didn’t really understand why they did what they did. His job wasn’t to analyze their motives, though; his job was to stop them, and that’s what he was going to do. Rescuing this omega was just one small part of that. Of course, it would help if he knew why he had stumbled across her, and what they had been using her for. 

As soon as they landed, Bruce’s assistants were waiting with a gurney, Dr. Banner himself standing nearby. Steve rushed the still-sleeping omega out, placing her down as gently as he could and then watching as she was taken inside to their medical facilities. 

“So...you found her in cryo?” Bruce asked, following after his new patient. 

Steve nodded stiffly. “There was no one else there. The whole place was running on backup batteries.”

Banner made a thoughtful noise as they walked inside. “She’s been asleep this whole time?”

“She woke up briefly while I was carrying her out to the transport. Other than that, she’s been out cold.”

“We’ll have to run some tests to see what’s going on with her.”

“Is she gonna be alright, Doc?” Steve asked.

Bruce stopped outside the lab doors. “Without knowing how long she was on ice and what exactly they were doing with her...it’s hard to say.”

Steve frowned. 

“But...the fact that she hasn’t gone into shock yet is a good sign.” He turned to enter the room. “I’ll have FRIDAY grab you when I’ve got more answers.”

Steve just nodded, standing back and watching the doctor disappear after the mystery omega. Banner was a good guy, and as an omega himself, he would do everything he could to ensure that this one was well taken care of. Steve had no doubt in his mind that Bruce would see that she pulled through. 

Something wasn’t sitting right about all this, though. The situation was bothering him beyond belief. Seriously, what was going on? What was he missing? What was so special about subject 1096?

Maybe Bucky would have an idea.

[siriusmydeer]

Sirius x twin!reader where he runs away and doesn't say goodbye or anything, and they've always had a bad relationship because reader is like regulus and sirius is, well, sirius. baso angst where the reader is now ignoring sirius at hogwarts and sirius is trying to talk to her which is strange because before it was the other way round. she snaps and tells sirius how he knew what would happen if she ran away, and it was that she would get twice as many bad things to make up for sirius not (1)

the forgotten sister

sirius black x fem!twin!slytherin!reader

summary: sirius leaves you with aching despair the the faults that comes with being a black heir.

word count: 2.7k

warnings: child abuse, arranged marriage, angst, mentions of being imprisoned, mentions of death, mentions of violence, being disowned, mentions of death eaters, bad mental health, insinuation of depression, insinuation of a panic attack and bad sibling relationships

a/n: rate this cuz idk how to write angst but this has been sitting in my inbox for so long i’m so sorry

despair.

dejection.

guilt.

it was clear as day in your thought-stricken mind, without a second thought it ran thickly through your families veins for generations. every single heir of the noble house of black had the one ranging emotion of anything in a malicious, loathsome, vile and horrid context.

brothers, they were suppose to protect their siblings, love and nurture them above anyone else. they were suppose to kiss your forehead when you were sad, play with your barbies till they wanted to rip out their eyes because you had nobody else to play with, they were suppose to show another emotion than trepidation.

twins, the bond shared between them in unmatchable to any other sibling, they shared a womb for nine months, a direct bond, no seperation for nine months, thirty nine weeks, two hundred and seventy three days, a total of six hundred, five thousand and seventy hours together. a bond that should last a lifetime, of happiness, absentminded chuckles, homeliness, and love.

that’s what it should have, that’s how it should look in the peering eyes of anyone who had looked upon the similar featured siblings.

sixteen years, the only thing you had receiving in attempts of happiness, absentminded chuckles, homeliness, and love; but not everybody got what they wanted, in return you had received the raw sickly end of despair, dejection and guilt. what could such a young girl do to upset her brother from the very second her life begun? since the first weep that left sirius’ mouth, it almost felt like a duty ringing through your brain like a recurrent lullaby rather than a curse to be ignored by your family, and to only serve them when they deemed necessary for your forgotten presence.

rather than the lullaby on how a spider ran up a web, the only word familiar words in your brain since the ripe age of six was ‘crucio.’ the red tinging flare that sped across your living room like a jolt of lightening from the sky had just become a familiar sight to see at while your panic stricken figure strided through your house for just a few seconds more of peace.

dense words could be shared with your twin, not even a ‘good morning’ on most days. maybe a subtle nod when he first saw you as you both woke from your slumber if you were lucky, maybe even a sparing glance once or twice throughout the day. the first and last born female at the hands of walburga and orion black was simply ignored, a nobody, absolutely and completely nothing.

atleast sirius was there, he may not have spoke to you, or even looked in your direction but his presence in the dreadful household could’ve been enough, enough to put your blearing mind at ease for the night. that you had survived another day, that the next passing day his presence still comforted you because he was still there, that even though he didn’t protect you; he could protect regulus when he deemed fit, and as much as it put you in a absentminded agony, you appreciated his efforts to your youngest brother.

the following morning you woke up, his presence was diminished. his aura had vanished, the pungent smell of nicotine had left no trace on the stygian walls, the husk smell of expensive leather no longer enveloped in your ventilation and the irritating scent of his nose itching cologne was in absentia.

twin-tuition the muggles muttered, when two siblings who shared a whom could know almost everything and anything about each other without a second blip of thought. the walk to his room was excruciating, because in your heart his comforting presence had fled. the pink floyd and beatles posters had been torn from the walls, the mahogany wood from his drawers had been completely dismembered and his closet had been utterly ransacked.

he had left; he had left you.

that was the feeling of despair.

not even a note in his absence, not an explanation, not a second thought, sirius was gone; and sirius was not ever coming back.

the duration of the winter ‘holidays’ had seemingly passed slower than usual with the absence of your brother, the dismembering two weeks had finally been put on hold on your mind. finally finding the will to get out of your bed and put your mental health back to where it could’ve functioned at a less than normal way, the usual way. except you were sent back onto the hogwarts express only clinging onto the younger brother you had left, mind you he would’ve went off the second he stepped aboard but three seconds with your brother could’ve put you off for nine hours.

there was no will to try, no persuasive black ‘i get what i want’ attitude left churning in your system, the feeling of disgust trembling through your veins that your family would never accept you as long as you remained ‘y/n’ and not ‘y/n black,’ so you had to do what was right to protect regulus. because even though his nurturing feelings were inattentive, you would still do what was necessary to protect him.

if you weren’t the keen resemblance of your family you could’ve believed that you were adopted, having no will to become a follower of the dark lord, and no will to produce dark magic.

yet, you did what you had to do, an action that in no way would have been thought about for you; but you had what the other noble heirs lacked, compassion.

every corner you turned you had no will to search for the gryffindor brunette, your eyes didn’t erratically search for his searing silver irises, you didn’t attempt to decipher the red and gold colours from the green and silver that could’ve been crowded amongst the library, or the great hall. any will you had left for the receiving end of love from your family had utterly vanished.

that was the feeling of dejection.

sirius knew that prior years to hogwarts that you had rapidly searched for him in every single corner, mind you even there was a possibility he wasn’t there; you never faltered, you still gaped intently. it gave him the slight aching pain that he carried with himself, but the viridescent green you wore had him believing that you were simply no better than lucius malfoy or evan rosier.

it began to itch at his neck that you no longer had the need to know if he cared, if he was in the same room as you, if you even had the decree to call him your brother anymore. seemingly, you were always in between the walls of the library, a vermillion, maybe amber hued book sturdy between your hands in your grasp as you flipped the pages.

if you hadn’t shared the infamous last name, people would have never believed the two of you were what you called siblings, twin brother and sister. the epitome prankster, outgoing, and womanizer of hogwarts, the timid, skittish, quiet pureblood slytherin; and they just happened to share the same blood.

the female twin adorned reading, not because each book had different words carved upon its ivory paper, and not because there were hidden messages upon the words she so happen to enjoy deciphering but she loved reading partially because it allowed her to cry over someone else’s sadness when she could no longer identify her own.

her heart left sunken, submerged into somebody else’s misery because her own feelings enough weren’t able to bare.

he was silent for once, his mouth not barking up a laugh with his mates, he wasn’t sauntering around like he owned hogwarts himself, he was timidly walking into the depths of the library that were hidden from students. he was suddenly thoughtless, but his mind was not clear, and now face to face with the ghost of his sister; someone whom he had no intention to know, but now the wave of empathy ridden into his bloodstream as he saw the sudden tears glaze her eyes.

“you— you don’t look for me anymore. i noticed that, you don’t try and, try and look.” he started almost rudely, the first sentence he had ever uttered to his sibling was assumably how she didn’t care for his presence anymore. he was unable to produce many words at his shock, his nimble fingers anxiously shoving themselves into the grey slacks he had boughten for this years semester.

“i tried, at first. but you’re not worth a look anymore, sirius, because everywhere i go, the shadow of you is all i see.” as you contributed your words they only continued to be more broken, and stammered. the whimper in your tone clear as day as you spoke to someone you once called family, and now a sudden stranger.

“you left sirius, you left your sister, you left your brother. you left the people that needed you most because you’re selfish, you were thinking of you, not of us. so you don’t fucking deserve to be considered anymore, you don’t earn my respect on being thought about, sirius,” you were tired, achingly tired of fighting. you were tremendously exhausted of trying to fight for just a tinge of acknowledgments from your family members.

“you knew if you ran and you didn’t take us with you it would get worse, and you did it anyway. that makes you a coward, i guess the sorting hat does make mistakes after all.” you concluded, now wearied from your brother suddenly giving you the time of day when you don’t care to yearn for it anymore. his decisions affecting you single-handedly the most, your emotions no longer considering his aching feelings as his sister dismissed him at the similar treatment you had recurrently received.

“now i’ve got this penetrating, life altering ink on my wrist, because of your foolish actions. i have to pay for it, and a husband awaiting me. so now that you’re going all cry baby on me because i don’t try and find you anymore, you can stick your dreary where it came from because your damage is done.”

he had no thoughts, no words, completely ambushed. his older twin sister, someone whomst he adorned as his role model as a young boy, something he would never admit to as a child due to his stubborn nature, was now a death eater and profused in an arranged marriage because he couldn’t give a thought about his despairing twin. but now sirius had finally revived the raw end of the final emotion,

he had felt the emotion of guilt.

because even though he was trying to scoundrel some effort of empathy towards you the only thing displayed in front of him was the way your eyes spoke a thousand words but no one ever took the time to read them.

he never took time to read them.

“you need to leave— you need to run! w—why are you still there?” he started to hastily question as he peered at you erratically. his mind suddenly starting to boggle with questions as to why you would keep yourself in such a harmful situation, why you wouldn’t just run like he did.

it was simple to you, you weren’t selfish, you weren’t sirius.

“because i cannot leave regulus in that god forsaken house, the dark lord and his pesky followers would find me, and our parents would torture me, and murder me without remorse.” you finished, saying it too him like you had scribbled it upon a paper and practiced reading it every night like you were preparing for an exam, as if you would be questioned and persuaded to leave under the hands of your parents.

“i heard you— with regulus, you wanted to take him but not me. you almost brought him with you to the potters,” you revealed to the gryffindor, finally having the will to tell him clearly, on how he had wronged you in life and that there was absolutely nothing he could do to fix his actions.

“why do you never pick me sirius? why do you not want me as your sister? ‘ve always tried to protect you, why haven’t you done the same?!” at first your tone was monotone, almost dead but as your words continued your patience grew shorter and your rage grew larger.

your hand further having to clasp over your mouth by the end of your sentence before your classmates would’ve have gotten curious, and nosy at the altercation that was happening between the death eater and the disowned behind the shelves.

“i don’t— i don’t know, i just, s’different.” he was left thinking in confusion as to why he treated you differently, maybe it’s because you were the eldest, maybe you were female and in his eyes you possibly resembled his mother, maybe he had absolutely no idea as to why he treated you different.

“you dont— you don’t know? suddenly when i don’t give a shit about you, your yearning for your older sisters love. well guess what sirius, you’re not going to get it. your damage is done and there’s nothing to reverse it; so bugger off with your gryffindor mates, and your new family. if you want regulus to have a decent life from what he can live left, take him now before they take him too.” you concluded,

your first and last conversation occurring with your brother, several words left unsaid as you left him dumbfounded in the library, feeling the shoulder on shoulder collision as you left.

breathe in, breathe out. simple, again, again, again. the valley of tears were almost screaming at your waterline to let loose, to cry, to scream, to do something, anything. perhaps instead, you stood astonishingly still inside the girls lavatory, thinking, just thinking.

‘what did i do in my past life to deserve this now’ it was a simple and clear question, one that could never be answered, one without an explanation.

but yet you yearned for such a simple, yet complicated answer, maybe in another life sirius had the will to know you, your parents had the decree to love you, and maybe you weren’t sent down a path of affliction.

but that was another life, it wasn’t yours.

time went by, seconds, minutes, hours, weeks and years. they flew by, and now you were no longer that sixteen year old girl. you were eighteen, dressed in ivory with a small train at your feet, makeup painted on your eyelids, a small veil placed onto your head and your hands throughly squeezed in another’s; with the dreadful matching injected ink into your inner left fore-arms.

as the years had flew to that moment, lost was a lovely place to find yourself, but it simply wasn’t enough; it would never be enough. you had to wear the mask, ever noble heir of black had their own personal one, the one that covered every detailed flaw of you.

because after watching both of your brother’s, your supposed nurturers, your protectors, the ones that were suppose to love each and every bit of your aching soul left, you never realized how strong you had to be until being strong was your only choice that remained.

because in essence happiness is just blissful delusion, that esentially wouldn’t last forever no matter how exceedingly much you pleaded to merlin for it too last a second, maybe a minute if you were lucky.

but noble heirs of black weren’t lucky, they were cursed. and now you were finally brought upon to carry the tradition your children would be barred with, now carrying the last name of ‘dolohov.’

still remembering clear as day, like the sun was beaming into your viewpoint that one conversation you had shared with sirius in the library. the despairing love still left in your heart for your brother, your brother who stood up for regulus.

no matter how much they dismissed you as their protector, as their sister, as someone who loved them, you would always carry love for them in your trembling heart. after the amount of curses you took in their place, the screaming threats, the weeps from both of your brothers that stained your clothes, the times you had to face your parents in their absence.

you still had love for them, even if it wasn’t returned.

perhaps someday when you found the courage you crawl back home, beaten, defeated, maybe half dead. but not as long as you could remember the mark of family embedded into your heart, and your arm.

the noble heir’s of black, imprisoned, dead, and married off.

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