#it just feels a little lonely for trans guys you feel?

[that-satireguy]

100% disagree. You're a cishet white man? Cool. I'm a brown trans guy who was raised in a misogynistic cult.

Do you know how easy it is.

For people to fall into cults?

Doesn't matter who they are, or whether the cult likes them or not. Frankly, if the cult just say 'you look tired/lonely... just come to ONE of our meetings. You can rest for a little... no need to think. We like you, we'll take care of you.' And then the meeting has all the wonderful nice little joyful parts, with lots of dopamine rushes for the tired/stressed/lonely person.

And they come back. Of course they do. Thats how its designed. Cults don't go for 40 year olds with stable social circles, happy lives and a nice middle class job. They'll go for depressed mid life crisis people, isolated young men, (new parents interestingly), often young women coming out of abusive relationships, and now with the internet teenagers.

'EVERYONE IN THE GYM CLASS GETS TO DO LAPS NOW.'

Its interesting that you bring this up because there have been hundreds of studies that this is a bad way to get through to people. In fact this is PROVEN to create anger, resentment, and isolation from about age 4-5 onwards. This is a full proof way to get people to leave the gym class, and when they can't (because in this case the gym class is just 'white people') they'll go into the arms of another teacher

'You are a group, and responsible for each other. If you don't want to run laps, make sure no one in the group does something stupid.'- this is collective punishment, and especially in situations where yk, not every white guy knows each other(?) And there are other inconsistencies like economic class and age which makes it very difficult to police each others actions and btw, the larger the group, the less effective this principle becomes.

'In that I hear a desperate fear to drown out the uncertainty of the rich tapestry of a varied human experience with an opiate-like acceptance.'-

Yes. Thats it pretty much. Thats what humans want, you want that dopamine to keep flowing in your head. What you're missing here is though, is that your upbringing and social situation plays a role in this. Your resistance, and even derision to this concept, comes from it not being a consistent facet in your life. This usually happens after isolation and intense feelings of hopelessness. When you don't have people to give you the dopamine and human connection you need... this will happen. Theres no 2 ways about it, it will happen. That is when you get therapy. And before the analysis, before the improvement and work, a therapist will listen. listen and tell you that your feelings are ok, and only after that, will you work on them.

'ou don't have to think too hard about it, as long as that warm blanket of surity hits as they smile'- yeah thats how conditioning and love bombing works.

'Man up.'- dumbest advice i've ever heard. genuinely. when has this ever worked for anyone. 'I'm struggling' 'Just don't'.

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[i-am-agent-washingtub]

:/

[steaksex]

Yiu guys are so lucky im too lazy to learn enough anatomy to draw raunchy pictures of my ocs. Im making a new one and half of his existence is for me to give him a voyeurism kink and the other half of his reason for existing is him having a big gushy sloppy wet pussy with a cute twitchy tdick and for him to get so overstimulated he cries over the dumbest things. Actually now that im saying this you guys should be begging mw to improve so i can draw this

[hl-obsessed]

✨ FIC REC ✨ ~ last 3 months

.🌸🌸🌸.

Just Pretend by @kingsofeverything

(E, 90k) Louis Tomlinson is a divorced dad who doesn't date. What free time he has, he likes to spend with his teenage daughter, and if he wants to take someone home, he does it when she's spending the weekend with her mom.

Then he meets Harry Styles, another divorced dad with a teenage daughter, who convinces him it’s a good idea to pretend they're dating to keep their kids happy.

You've Taken My Heart By Storm by @boosbabycakes28

(E, 66k) Omega prince Harry of Silvermoor is betrothed to the powerful King Guillaume of Goldenhaven.

A month-long journey to get to his new mate brings along uncertainty, doubts and a guard that might turn the already promised omega’s life upside down.

But what will happen when forbidden feelings get in the way of his duty? Will the prince fulfill it and make his kingdom and family proud, or will he give into his desires?

✨ feed a fever, starve a heart by @insightfulinsomniac

(E, 12k) When Louis turns twenty-one, he receives a call from the National Secondary Gender Services alerting him to prepare for his first rut. Everyone presents two to three days after their twenty-first birthday, and all heats and ruts require medical supervision just in case one thing goes wrong:

Rut fever.

Most people don’t find their soulmates before they present, especially since soulmate identification can only come through pheromones released after presentation. But if a first rut or heat begins without the person’s soulmate present, so does dangerous rut fever.

Louis is certain his first rut will be normal. He hasn’t seen the only person he ever had a crush on in childhood in nearly three years, and besides, they were only ever best friends.

Everything will be fine… right?

A Sleep Story Just For You by @lululawrence

(NR, 12k)The Trans Siberian Railroad by Harry Styles.

Louis pouted a little. He wished that some of the names he actually recognized and knew he could fall asleep to were available for free, but maybe this Harry guy was better than the woman with the grating, condescending tone.

When Louis clicked on the image for the story there was a bit of a pause, and then a deep voice came through the speakers of his phone.

Holy shit. Louis’ eyes went wide as a chill ran down his spine. The man’s voice was glorious. It was a rich baritone that Louis wanted to have whispering in his ear while they did dirty, dirty things together.

Louis paused. Maybe that was what he needed.

Or four times Louis uses the Calm App to help him get to sleep, and one time he doesn't need to.

Your Eyes Outshine the Town by @insightfulinsomniac

(E, 19k) When a freak French snowstorm traps Harry's family in Paris, he's suddenly left flying home for a Christmas spent alone. However, everything changes after a chance encounter with an undeniably attractive, generous alpha who suggests that Harry join his family's Christmas celebrations. Against his better judgment, Harry agrees, and follows Louis back to Doncaster for the holidays.

Little does he know, he'll not only become attached to the alpha, but to his entire family. Maybe his Christmas won't be as lonely as he expected.

Complete and utter fluff ensues. Sappy Christmas tropes abound.

Face Your Fears by @sadaveniren

(E, 92k) Harry is a single father, pretending to be a beta after his alpha mated him and left him. He’s getting by just fine raising the twins when Louis walks into his bakery. Too bad him and Louis will never be a thing.

The Warmth by @goldensweetmemory

(M, 22k) Prompt: Based on the movie "Good Luck To You, Leo Grande"

✨ Anonymous Said by @alivingfire

(T, 21k) When Harry was sixteen, he reached out for someone, anyone, to help him through the hardest days of his life. When Louis was eighteen, he answered. While they didn't know each other's names or faces or lives at all, really, it didn't stop them from falling a little bit in love.

And when Harry moves to Manchester for uni two years later, he meets a boy in a bookshop named Louis and wonders why it all feels so easy.

Or: two boys, two blogs, two years of anonymous messages, and a bookshop where it all comes together.

💎✨ Is it a sign? by @greenblueish

(E, 25k) “Also, I didn’t mean it literally,” Harry continues his rambling, gesticulating to support his point. “You don’t owe me a beer and I surely don’t expect you to buy me anything, it was just to start a conversation but you’re obviously not interested in that. Which, again, maybe next time an omega, or anyone really, approaches you, you could convey -” 

To Harry’s surprise, he’s interrupted by the handsome stranger, who’s been weirdly fixated on his lips the whole time. What a creep! 

“You speak so fast, I can’t read your lips like this.” 

What? Harry’s frown deepens and he just stares at the man, waiting for him to explain. Because why the hell would he need to read Harry’s lips? They’re not in some detective movie. 

The man rolls his eyes at Harry’s obvious lack of understanding. 

“I’m deaf,” he huffs and points to his ear. 

And oh. Yikes. That’s kind of embarrassing.

or, the one where Harry meets a certain handsome alpha at his sister's wedding and learns that speaking verbally doesn't have to be the only means of communication.

✨ Confessions of a Fabricated Alpha by @jaerie

(E, 18k) Famous alpha Harry Styles has a secret and paying an alpha to roleplay a relationship with him over the phone is the only way he can be himself.

✨ Purity Piercings by @jaerie

(E, 5k) “Okay I need the help of… The sex side of Tiktok? The piercing side of Tiktok? Religion side of Tiktok?? I don’t even know,” the guy in the video said, sitting in his car looking stressed. Even if Louis wasn’t a piercer by trade, he was already invested.

“I was born and raised in the HMF -- Google it if you don’t know what that is -- and I know some of their practices are not normal outside of the HMF townships,” the Tiktoker ran his fingers through his hair and paused as he looked out the car window for a second. “I’ve been out for almost two years and I just learned that purity piercings aren’t a thing?? Like… Can someone confirm? Is that really not a normal thing that’s done?”

✨ From Inside by brightlouis

(E, 2,5k) Harry hates doing his testosterone shot. His fiancé, Louis, administers it for him-- then fucks him as a reward.

✨ Get Knocked Down by @alivingfire

(T, 1,8k) A yellow blur, a massive yellow blur, comes roaring out of nowhere. Harry, sickeningly enough, recognizes him: it’s Agbonlahor, a striker for Aston Villa and one of Louis’ favorite players on an otherwise terrible team. He’s hurtling toward Louis and, for a moment, the world stops. Harry feels the beer he’d been holding drop with a soft thump to the carpet. Louis looks so tiny, suddenly on the very big screen; how did anyone allow him out on the pitch with all those huge men? Harry can’t look away. He has to look away. He can’t.

Agbonlahor crashes headlong into Louis and the crunch can be heard all the way in Los Angeles.

From the prompt: I want you to talk bout Harry's reaction to Louis getting hurt and throwing up at the football match.

✨ The Deepest Cut (Is The First Time) by @alivingfire

(E, 2,5k) “You know what we should do?” Louis asks, his voice a little wobbly but otherwise fine. Harry’s jealous of how in control of himself he seems, when he feels like he’s about to combust into a million heart-shaped pieces of confetti. “Or, actually, you know what you should do?”

“What? Anything. Whatever you want,” Harry mumbles, his attention scattered by the heat thudding through his veins.

“You should fuck me,” Louis says.

And, suddenly, he has Harry’s attention laser-focused on him once more.

From a prompt on tumblr for HL's first time.

✨💎 Inconceivable by @alivingfire

(E, 23k) Louis and Barbara Tomlinson are twin brother and sister. Harry's in love with Louis, Niall's in love with Barbara, and they both go by Tommo. It gets a little confusing.

This Morning I Woke Up (Still Dreaming) by @fallinglikethis

(T, 2,6k) Louis rushes to open the door to his flat when he hears the knocking signaling that his appointment has arrived. He pulls it open to see one of his regular clients standing there, a broody man standing next to her eyeing Louis warily.

“Gemma,” Louis greets warmly, hugging his client hello.

“Hey, Louis,” she says into his neck before letting him go to turn, gesturing at her companion. “This is my brother, Harry.”

“Hello, Harry,” Louis says, shaking Harry’s hand. He gets flashes when their hands touch, small glimpses of the loss and pain Harry carries around with him. It’s gone as soon as Harry pulls his hand away and Louis pretends he didn’t see anything. Harry hasn’t asked for his services, though Louis suspects that’s why Gemma’s brought him here.

✨💎 Are We Destined to Burn (Or Will We Last the Night?) @fallinglikethis

(T, 6,8k) Sick of being punished for his past mistakes, Lucifer has left Hell and relocated to L.A. There, he decides to spend some time trying to better understand humanity and maybe make a new name for himself. He doesn't expect to find himself so fascinated by the mortals that find their way into his life, especially one in particular. And he definitely never expected to fall in love.

Copy of a Copy of a Copy by @fallinglikethis

(T, 3,8k) When a lab demonstration goes wrong, suddenly there are many Zayn Maliks running around town. It's up to Sheriff Liam Payne to gather up the errant Zayns, while the original panics back at the lab. Finding out what caused the mishap takes a backseat to Zayn's growing fears of what one of his clones might say to the sheriff he once had a fling with and still very much has feelings for.

Fakes (Streaming Live) by @allwaswell16

(E, 4,2k) Alpha camboy Henry Steel has a rather unfortunate crush on omega camboy Luscious Lucas. He also has a rather unfortunate secret that's about to be revealed.

✨ Never Been Knotted by @allwaswell16

(E, 9,4k) Harry doesn't mind that he presented as a beta. It mostly just makes his life easier and more convenient. There's just one small problem: he'd really like to be knotted.

The Brightest Lights by @all-these-larrythings

(M, 70k) After watching yet another actor walk away with his Oscar, Louis is on the lookout for the role of a lifetime that might finally get him the one thing he has always wanted. He didn't think coming out of his self-proclaimed break to do another film would be all that difficult, but that was before he met his new co-star.

✨ Where All Roads Lead by @all-these-larrythings

(NR, 7k) Harry's Christmas takes an unexpected turn when he discovers a misplaced holiday card in his letterbox. He never thought that braving the snow to return the card to its sender would be so worth his while.

Beyond the Walls and Cages by @all-these-larrythings

(M, 84k) After twelve years of walking on eggshells that he always seems to crack, Harry's life is a bubble just on the edge of bursting, and meeting Louis is the inevitable pop; a beautiful explosion really.

✨ To you I can admit, I'm just too soft for all of it by @starryhaze28

(NR, 28k) “Harry?” Louis asks when he hears the frantic crying coming through the speaker. “H, darling what's wrong?”

Concerned, Louis puts on his shoes as he keeps hearing the sobs. It’s the middle of the night and the phone call has definitely pulled Louis out of his deep slumber, but Harry is crying, and Louis has to be with him.

“It’ll be okay, baby, I'm gonna come over, okay? You just- Haz you have to send me your address, yeah? Can you do that for me?” Louis asks, trying to remain as poised as possible as he presses his phone between his ear and shoulder so he can grab his jacket.

“No.” Harry cries out. “It's all wrong, Lou- It’s-” Another sob. “I hate it, Lou, I hate it so, so much, make it stop.”

⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ⋆ ˚｡⋆

the nesting shop au

.🌸🌸🌸.

part 1 (+50k) 💐 part 2 (30-50k) 🌾

part 3 (10-30k) 🌺 part 4 (<10k) 💐

[applegingham]

YES !! YES !!!!!! AHAHAAAA YESSSS !!!!

my personal headcannons for the loveliest of lovely little guys <3333

extra info + flags!!

randy: (pan and agender)

-fibromyalgia for sure, trauma does shit things

-probably needs a cane or something similar to aleviate pain (doesn't think he's ill enough to need one, absolutely is)

-if he gets high please treat him like a fish in an aquarium, probably would hate the lack of control

-flushes really easily, and constantly clammy

-if you put a blanket on his head he'll fall asleep

-narcolepsy

-loves the feeling of a nice, heafty, soft quilt and a hot cocoa on a cold afternoon...

oliver: (trans, gay and demiromantic!)

-has a stuffed animal collection 100%

-probably picks up a million different projects only to put them down, a new hyperfixation every week kinda guy

-him being a stoner is basically cannon but, in specifics he seems like a bong or joint guy to me, would let u smoke the first hit (bc he's nice)

-rollerskate date :]

-glasses to at least semi help his shit 'eye' (optical sensor) and lack of depth perception (they can only do so much though)

karen: (nonbinary, lesbian)

-doesn't particularly care about gender as a concept

-has a bunch of tassles and cords in her house she has braided

-can't keep a plant alive to save her life, has mourned at least 20 house plants, has a fake one (somehow dies too)

-mitski.

-the biggest sweet tooth out of the group

-will lock herself away for hours and hours, sometimes an entire day or two, just creating. only to come out of a hole haggard and exhuasted with her New Horse Drawing.

-hEDS, uses a walker to get around!

Norm: (questioning/bi ?)

-writer (how the hell else wouldn't he go absolutely bonkers all alone, other than having a goal and spite i guess)

-uses coffee to live, but definitely enjoys tea in his free time

-probably learned archery at some point

-whittles little sculptures to pass the time (made karen a little wooden horse sculpture once)

-randomly schedules cook outs/junctions when he's feeling lonely and isolated

-he would absolutely take the will graham route and end up with 20 fucking stray dogs out of a deep empathy and then wake up one day and realize the mess he got himself into.

-grilldad. (duh)

phonegingi: (genderfluid, polyamorous, pan)

-gender? yes.

-sexuality? yes.

-will consume your clothes if you are not careful with your gingi Care instructions. (taking little nibbles is okay as a treat)

-if weed is consumed it basically acts as a horrifically strong catnip, and it will get the zoomies and make it everyone's problem

-purrs

-pays really good attention to detail stuff, and its brain is basically a filing cabinet. but big events are basically a blur

-gets SUPER !! fluffy during the winter and there's an awful period where it's shedding and it's...super patchy and silly lookin

-me and the bitches i pulled by being HORRIFYING and lovely,,,,

bigfoot: (aroace. i don't take criticism.)

-banana,,,

-genuinely pretty attentive and smart

-becomes a painter because he is INSPIRED ! by his friend karen

-absolutely splendid lad

-i wanna live in a world where one of his passions is making and wearing silly hats, please, PLEASE

-karen showed him mitski,,,god help him he's sad now

-knitting,,,he knit giant banana,,,,

[intothedysphoria]

The podcast was Steve’s idea.

It had started with a joke from Heather. She’d took one look at Billy and Steve’s accidentally matching gym clothes and told them they looked like a failing alpha bro podcast duo. The type of guys who’d talk about being alpha males. Billy had laughed hard but it had made Steve think.

They’d been best friends since kindergarten and were functionally inseparable. Billy had seen Steve through a long period of deep, dark depression and Steve liked to think he’d helped Billy through Neil. Most podcasts Steve had listened to, the hosts didn’t even sound like they liked each other. They’d be perfect.

It took Steve about a month to convince Billy to put himself in front of a microphone. For a guy with a 300k follower Instagram thirst trap account, Billy was crushingly self conscious about his voice. He’d been on testosterone for three years but still felt like he sounded “clockable.” It wasn’t until Steve promised that if they got even one comment about Billy’s voice, they’d immediately delete the episode, that Billy agreed.

Between the two of them, they had absolutely no qualifications to start an agony aunt podcast. Still, the first episode was released onto Spotify and it had a surprisingly warm reception. Most of their listeners were queer or neurodivergent and were asking about what to do when a hookup went wrong or how to go outside without having a panic attack.

It was heartwarming really, the affect Steve felt that they were having. Two trans guys talking openly about sex, relationships, social faux pas, fitting in and the occasional tangent on oyster forks wasn’t exactly common. And their audience seemed to cling to them like two older brother figures.

It was perfect. Should have been perfect. It was just that there was a bit of a side affect.

As it turned out, spending every week with your best friend, who was physically just your type, and was also just an absolute sweetheart, led to having a crush on said best friend.

That is if you were Steve anyway. Shit.

Most guys on realising they were crushing hard on their best friend probably would have done something normal, like tell him. Not Steve though. Steve endeavoured to lock himself in the broom closet and scream before every recording session of the podcast.

It would work. Hopefully.

Then Billy started getting random listeners proposing to him via email. They’d read them out before every advice segment and Billy would either accept or decline depending on how funny he found it but it still made Steve die a little inside. Billy felt like his in some intangible, indescribable way and even jokes about marriage felt like suffocating.

He redownloaded Grindr the next day. The guys on there left a lot to be desired, especially compared to Billy but at least it stopped Steve from feeling quite so lonely. He flirted, made decisions that made Robin tut and generally started morphing into the kind of hot mess Steve had been in his late teens.

Billy didn’t seem to notice. That is until he did.

Steve was very late for recording the newest episode, a silly one about accents. He hadn’t remembered to shave so the patchy stubble that hrt was helping him grow in was a mess. There was gum stuck to to the bottom of his shoe. Something had gotten spilled on his shirt.

His co host once again looked delicious. Delicious and worried. So worried in fact that he dragged Steve into the very closet that he’d spent almost two months hiding in.

There was only so long Steve could hedge around the issue. Not with Billy worrying about all the things that could have gone wrong, anxious brain in overdrive. Steve had to tell him.

A short, excruciating silence followed after Steve admitted his crush/budding love. One that the slightly irrational part of his mind was convinced would culminate in Billy punching him again.

That didn’t happen.

Instead, Billy called him a dumbass, they made out under a precarious tin of paint for fifteen minutes, and agreed that getting together was long overdue.

The first email they got from a listener after going public about their relationship was short and to the point.

Can I propose to both of you?

I think it was @camaro-and-smokes and @prettyboy-like-you who reblogged being interested in the og post about this idea and since I am a fic writing weirdo, I wanted to write a little ficlet for them! I hope you both like it

(Inspired LOOSELY by the hilarious Help I Sexted My Boss podcast which I adore. Also inspired a smidge by Lust For Life by @oopsiedaisiesbaby)

[out2pasture]

FANTASY HIGH: THE REMIX - a next generation au

Adaine + Oisin - The O'Shaugnessy Twins, Ophelia is a Draconic bloodline sorcerer and Puck is a very maryanne-core wild magic barbarian (I think it would be really funny for 3 wizards (Zayne would help raise them ofc) to have to try to figure out how to raise 2 kids who are inherently magical and explosively so).

Fig + Ayda - No kids of their own but the Manor/Library is a safe space for kids who need it and theres this one young teifling, named Argo, they've basically adopted who is a cleric of Ankarna.

Kristen + Gerty + Tracker - Gerty is trans and you can pry that from my cold, dead hands, their son, JB is a Cassandra Paladin. He eventually multiclasses into Swarm Ranger. Kristen was the person who carried the first time and vehemently refused to do it again, so Tracker did it the next time and they had a little girl.

Gorgug + Maryanne - its canon that Gorgug FUCKS, so they have 2 kids already and an egg they trade off who carries it on them in a baby bjorn to incubate. Maryanne works making cozy games. Gorgug is the Artificer teacher and the tutor for 'uncommon' multiclasses and is 100% uncle Gorgug to the entire party, A Jawbone type if you will.

Fabian + Mazey - They have a whole passel of artistically inclined babies, the oldest of which , Boann, gets to Augefort first and is The Bard of all time. Shes giving the princess who was kidnapped by pirates and is slowly becoming a member of the crew, she plays fiddle and dances.

Riz - He grew up to be a PI and while he doesn't want a partner hes always wanted to be a dad so when he found an orphaned Goliath baby while investigating the disappearence of said baby and their parents, he adopted Pock "Juno" Gukgak Junior who is a rogue just like their dad.

((You guys can pry Fabian and Adaine being really ademant about having more that one child out of my cold dead hands too, Adaine wants her kids to be there for each other the way Aelwyn was for her (after she finished being evil) and Fabian doesn't want any of his children to feel as lonely as he did growing up.))

Additional notes:

- Jawbone adopted Adaine, Aelwyn, and Kristen after he and Sandra-lynn got married, Kristen is the only one who kept her last name

- After Tracker came back they hunted Gertie down and explained polyamory to her and convinced her to go to therapy for her weird temper and attachment issues

-Tracker and Kristen are nesting partners and Gerty used to come and go, but she became a much more constant presence once kids entered the picture

- Adaine and Oisin didnt get together until the end of college when they reconnected, they were in couples therapy from the beginning just in case

- Gorgug's kids are either not old enough to go to Augefort yet or a few years ahead of The Party, but next year his 2nd youngest will enter in a party with The Littlest of the Applebees

- Mazey proposed to Fabian via dance recital, they are the hot older couple you can spill all the tea to

- The O'Shaugnessys, Applebees, and Fayeths live in Mordred Manor (the fayeths' bedrooms are in Leviathan at this juncture),the Seacasters live in Seacaster manor, and the Gukgaks live right next door to the Seacasters.

- Puck is trans and Ophelia is hard of hearing, theyre both just as autistic as their parents.

- Argo has a prosthetic leg

- JB picked Cassandra for himself, Kristen would never pressure him one way or another and neither would Cassandra.

- He also has the BIGGEST crush on Puck

- Boann has crippling Eldest Sister syndrome, but would rather die than ask for help.

- Juno is basically a humanoid jungle gym for their father, it comes with the territory of being twice your dad's size before you hit puberty. Riz will either stand on a table or make them crouch down to reprimand them, "Pock Pila Gukgak Junior, come down here!" Is a common refrain in their home

- Ophelia only uses her magical hearing aids when she's at school or in combat, all of Mordred Manor, knows Spyre sign language so she's very rarely without an interpretor, Augefort himsef created an archanotech professional interpretor for classes. Her party members also know or are learning SSL.

Edit:

Changed Pock Juniors nickname to reference another Nonbinary PI that i hold dear ;)

Edit 2:

Finally finished Junior year and made some adjustments accordingly!!! Im so obcessed with Gorgug and Maryanne!!! Also did some clarifying about a few things! Soon everyone will have names, not just Juno

Edit 3: Names!!!

Adaine: Ophelia and Puck O'Shaugnessy

Fig: Argo Firethistle (their human parent is a gnome)

Kristen: Jawbone "J.B." Applebees-O'Shaugnessy-Bladeshield (a big hypenated name is very lesbiancore IMO)

Fabian - Boann Seacaster (I really wanted to name her Terpsichore but Brennan beat me to that one)

Riz - Pock "Juno" Pila Gukgak Jr.

[remember-digimon]

Since it's pride month and I'm a lonely queer person I decided to do a quick rundown of my hc for the DigiDestined's identities. This is disregarding the epilogue bc to heck with that let these kids be queer in peace

Now I don't like to discuss the sexuality of young children purely bc they are children and I am an adult and that's weird so I'm basing this on what little knowledge I have of them in Tri alongside what I know from 01. This is them as adults ok? ok here we go

(also um. I'm a dumb millennial that lives in a corn field so uh. If I get something wrong please correct me orz)

Tai: bisexual. As if there was any other answer. Something about him just gives off 'bisexual guy' vibes. Maybe because I think he'd be a total golden retriever boyfriend and those types are usually bi

Sora: non-binary. Her upbringing kind of forced her into being feminine when she really just doesn't want to participate in gender at all

Matt: I'm gonna say pansexual bc to him it literally does not matter. He likes who he likes. Also demisexual and possibly demiromantic. He has to have a strong connection for feelings to develop

Izzy: Ace all day babyyyy. To him, sex is for making babies, but not in a religious way. He isn't sex-repulsed, it's just not a priority

Joe: the cis-hetero ally of the group. You know he's the designated driver to all the Pride events

Mimi: LESBIAN LESBIAN LESBIAN She's a high femme lesbian and she likes other femmes, butches, chapstick lesbians, just WOMEN. and she beats up TERFs bc trans women are women DUH

TK: doesn't wanna put a label on it right now, man, he's into what he's into and he'll figure it out later, my guy. A few months later he realizes he's bi and has to call Matt at 3am bc he's having a crisis, he got an iced latte that day and the male barista smiled at him and now he's having his first Gay Panic

Kari: also bi, the Kamiya family makes bi people like they have a quota to meet. She hooked up with Yolei once and it was fun. Now they listen to Chappell Roan together ❤️

Davis: the hyperactive gay guy of the found family. Falls in love at least once a month. Is terrible at hitting on guys but they always think it's endearing

Yolei: trans girl, lesbian. The others will line up to absolutely obliterate any transphobes that give her problems. She wants an idyllic lesbian romance with absolutely no children

Cody: aro/ace and unbothered by everyone else's romantic life. Don't bring the 'Tai and Matt used to make out all the time in high school' gossip to Cody, he literally does not care lol

Ken: he is gay and hopelessly in love with Davis. He sighs dreamily as Davis tries to do parkour and smacks into the ground like a wad of wet paper

[the-knight-of-the-stars]

One of these days I'll finish writting the fanfic of this tiny Trans Reversed-Love Square Miraculous Ladybug AU that has been eating my brain:

— Adrien Agreste is Kitty Noir. Reclusive homeschooled rich supermodel by day, Paris superheroine by night.

—Adrien thinks of Kitty as just a persona he can play with, like a videogame avatar. ('It tootally doesn't mean anything that Kitty feels right, and like home, and like freedom, what are you talkikg about guys?' )

—Kitty is Ladybug's partner in fighting agains crime. Kitty brings the 'there's always time for a joke' vibe to the superhero work that Ladybug pretends not to appreciate.

—One night, Kitty is saved from an akumatized villain attack by a civilian named Marinette, and is heartstruck by her kindness and bravery. (Ladybug was busy that night, if you can believe it.)

—Kitty visits her at her balcony the next night, and Marinette tells her about feeling lonely at school. Kitty knows loneliness, and their night meetings at the balcony become a common ocurrence.

—They become friends. One night, Kitty flirts. Marinette responds (Because tonight she is just a normal girl with a normal life, why wouldn't she?) And Kitty well, she is kind. Her jokes aren't cruel, and she listens to her.

—And Kitty likes the way light hits her hair, and how clumsy and determined she is. Is this what having a friend is like? Wishing time would stop so she could keep lisening to Marinette?

—And ups! Kitty is getting close, and moving in circles around Marinette and Marinette feels safe. Kitty is kind of funny. And Marinette realizes she wants some funny in her life.

—Kitty leans. Marinette kisses her. She is not sure why she did that. Oh! Marinette retreats, but Paris at night makes Kitty's green eyes shine like stained glass. Wait, does she like girls? Does she like this girl?

—Kitty kisses her again, and Kitty is in heaven. Alone. Alone is a far away word. For a second the whole world feels like home. But stop.

—Kitty (or Adrien?) pulls away. 'Because this isn't right' 'Because you are just my fan, you don't know me.'

'Because Kitty isn't real... right?'

—Kitty leaves. Is not ethical, it can't be. They both agree. Just friends. 'Sometimes, I'll catch a glipse of you in the moonlight.'

—Marinette, see, now she was a problem. Ladybug can't be in love with her partner, no way. Is not right, is too distracting. And they have people to save!

—So Ladybug pretends everything is ok. 'Kitty, we have to be focused at all times' she tells her, trying to ignore how pretty her smile is.

—But duty is first, Paris is counting on them. Even if Kitty calling her 'My Lady' keeps her awake at night. 'All girls fantasize about their friends like that, right?'

—Adrien sits on his bed, and thinks about what would happen if he could be Kitty all the time. If Kitty is just a character, just a game, why did it felt so good, so real, to kiss Marinette?

—Marinette liked Kitty, and Kitty wasn't even trying. 'You are so beautiful, you know that, right?' She had said one night, laughing, after Kitty had make her dance. So spontaneous, she had blushed after.

—He was allowed to like that thought, right? Kitty was beautiful. He (she?) was beautiful. 'Am I, beautiful?' How much of Kitty is acting, and how much of her is true?

—Kitty doesn't visit often now. Marinette overthinks. 'She moved on, of course she did, why wouldn't she, I said it was ok, why doesn't it feel ok?'

—One day, Ladybug "accidentally" sees Kitty sneak into the Agreste Mansion. Oh! So she really meet someone else. 'She used to sneak into my house like that' And she meet no other than golden boy Adrien Agreste. Supermodel Adrien Agreste. Rich and Misterious Adrien Agreste.

—Of course, I mean, this Adrien guy is kinda cute. And Kitty is cute. Match made in heaven right? Is non of her buisness anyways.

—But Adrien is a little too misterious, right? He doesn't even go to school! And what was that Alya told her the other day? Oh! He is friends with Chloe?? Too suspicious...

—Is ok, she is just worried about Kitty. They are partners, gals, Marinette just wants to make sure Kitty's boy is the right one. 'What does she sees in him anyways?'

—Adrien meets Marinette one day, at a gala, she designed a hat for him! She is wonderful, and Adrien wants to say hi, but she keeps avoiding him. 'Is just the nerves for the event, she toootally didn't roll her eyes at me.'

—Adrien meets Nino. He is great. He tells him about school, and Adrien dreams about how cool it would be to go to school. He asks his dad, and he actually considers it?

Nino supports him, even Chloe vouches for him. Father says yes, he can go to school!.

—Adrien arrives at his first day, and oh! There is Marinette! How great is this!

—Marinette raises her head, and oh! There is Adrien Agreste! How great is this?

[nekropsii]

Ask Game Speed Round!!

[For the Unpopular Opinion Ask Game!!]

These are all a bunch of smaller ones I thought would be too cumbersome and spammy to post on their own... Enjoy!!

Content Warning: Long.

While I do really like Dave's character as it exists in the comic- no clue what version of Dave most of the fandom is talking about, but I don't know him- I kind of like the themes in Davesprite's character more than I do Dave's. It's another Hal situation.

Dave's character tackled a lot of things very personally relatable to me in ways I'd never seen illustrated before, but Davesprite is more interesting to think about, and seems a little more fun to write. Dave was great representation for me, as someone who grew up in a very bad home, but Davesprite just has that extra oomph with his talk of humanity and individuality. Really like that guy.

---

@lupinecalibrator

This may come across as crass, or stepping out of my own lane, but I don't think giving them either multiple sets of pronouns, neopronouns, or both actually rids them of the bigotry in their characters. Lipstick on a pig situation. It just seems like a lazy, incurious fix. Yes, trans headcanons are great, but more and more often I see people use it as a cure-all to the issues a character has, either in a Doylist or Watsonian way. Queer friendliness does not eliminate racism. If a character is a bigoted caricature of a specific group of people, then slapping on a leftist layer of paint by saying "actually they're a minority icon in this other way" doesn't actually... Get rid of the problem. It's just kind of... Tone deaf.

We see this often with Transmisogynistic Caricatures getting claimed as Gay Icons, and people just saying that because they've just claimed them as a campy gay queen, the transmisogyny has been nullified- you can't talk about it anymore, they're the real good leftist in the room, you're a killjoy, and they've defeated bigotry. Not how it works.

---

Kind of tired of how some act like her only character traits are Silly Ditzy Furry Girl. Jade is an incredibly, incredibly intelligent young girl, an excellent marksman, and so, so deeply lonely. We need to talk about Jade's chronic loneliness more.

Also, I think she's some kind of Psychotic. One of the flavors. It just feels right to me. It feels canon-adjacent. Or, at least, a textually valid way to read her character. I have a whole post about it somewhere. Mituna and Jade shaking hands on the Psychosis.

---

Taking this opportunity to defend Aranea. Some people really need to stop acting like she's worse than Vriska. We all know what Aranea did was justified. Maybe not correct, but justified. And fucking awesome to watch.

Like, look. She spent an unfathomable amount of years being shot down and ignored and belittled by people who were supposed to be her friends... Aranea had to literally pay Meenah, her own best friend, to listen to her infodump, and even then Meenah couldn't afford to give her own best friend enough respect to just listen to her talk about something she's passionate about for 5 minutes.

I need you to think to yourself, genuinely. If you spent thousands- and I mean thousands upon thousands- of years getting ignored and walked on by everyone around you, even your own friends... If you spent thousands upon thousands of years getting called boring and a doormat to your face by even your own friends... Wouldn't you go crazy, too? Wouldn't you snap? Wouldn't you want to do something drastic just to get people to look at you? Just to be seen as something other than weak and boring? Just to be seen as worth even an iota of interest, a shred of someone's time? Wouldn't you? Because I think any normal person wouldn't take thousands upon thousands of years. I don't think you would last a decade. I wouldn't either, and I'm a pretty patient person.

Y'all are just jealous you can't play billiards with planets using your mind when you're mad. That shit was so awesome.

---

@searedtroutpeacharugula

This is not an Unpopular Opinion, or even an Opinion, I'm just pointing this out. Do you ever think about the fact that we hardly got any conversations between Rose and Jade? I do. This haunts me. This fucks me up so bad. We get plenty between John and Dave, and Dave and Jade, and Dave and Rose, and Rose and John, and Jade and John... But hardly anything between Rose and Jade!! This is so fucked up. We were robbed. I need to watch them hang out.

---

Okay, this is less of an Unpopular Opinion, and more of an Unpopular Fact, but... Mituna doesn't just throw slurs at people. That's one of the things people jump to when they're talking about Defanging Mituna- they always say something about how he "calls people slurs every two seconds". He literally doesn't. That is legitimately not a thing he does. If you heard that before and believed it, you were literally lied to. That is straight up demonstrably not true.

Like, if you're trying to think of something Mituna does every two seconds unprompted, it's either sex jokes or apologizing. Slurs aren't a thing he just slings around casually. He said a grand total of one slur... To Meenah... And it's a fake troll slur. And then we get it defined to us... Aaaand it's the troll equivalent to "Cracker". That's it. That's the crime he's committed- calling someone a word that is immediately after defined to us as "Someone who is at the top of and benefits from the furthering of the oppressive Fuchsia-Down power structure, and the Lowbloods that help enforce it." That's the slur he used. That's what made people start declaring that "he would totally say the N Word" with full and complete confidence. Absolutely ridiculous. He's called no one else any kind of genuine slur. He just called Meenah a Wader once, and then she and Kankri got upset about it, because they are both, by definition, Waders.

---

Leijon Hot Take Party Pack: If you think Nepeta shipping her friends together is fine, or even adorable, but then sneer at or get grossed out by Meulin doing the same thing, you're a hypocrite. I don't care if you say "Meulin's writing Friend Fic, though, that's weird!!" the problem with Shipping Your Friends and Writing Romantic Fanfiction Of Your Friends is at the same root.

The problem with these things isn't the presence of writing, it's the presence of, you know, shipping your friends? If you're fine with Nepeta doing it, you've gotta be fine with Meulin doing it. Be fine with both or neither. It's the same damn thing. I'm pretty sure both friend groups are fine with it, too, so it's not like this is a boundaries issue or anything. Both or neither. Pick one.

---

Observation: I do think it's cool how Jane and Jake are related and have similarly opposing relationships with their gender. Jake's oft presented with Feminine themes and imagery, and Jane with Masculine themes and imagery. Very cool. Wish more people made that correlation.

---

Okay, that's all for now!! Thank you for reading, if you did. Have a nice rest of your day. :)

[magnus-sm-writes]

WIP Re-Intro: Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist

Genre: Literary Fiction, Coming-of-Age | Status: Rewriting | Playlist | Pinterest

Way back in the day—I think on my old account, which I lost the password and the email for—, I wrote a WIP intro for Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist. Looking back, it’s not up to the standards that I hold now, which is a sign that things have changed for the better. Things have also changed since then. 

Lessons in Humanity is my oldest work. This year, it turns ten years old. That’s older than 3/4 of my sister’s kids, older than my relationship, and older than even my own name. It’s crazy to think that I’ve been writing this book for almost half of my life, and crazier still that I keep changing things about it. These are characters I made when I was a lonely, angsty tweenager who was feeling weird things about my gender and place in the world.

The first draft of Lessons in Humanity, which was called We’re All Dead After All, was a disaster of depression that honestly concerns me, looking back at it. I was deeply sad at this time. Things have vastly improved since then, though I still do like a tragic story every now and then.

It’s no longer a story drenched in my own pre-teen depression; it’s a story about growing up and changing. I think that’s what makes it so personal to me; that I’ve been changing things about it as I’ve grown up and changed.

Lessons in Humanity is about Kam Suzuki and his best friend Zach Amsel as they begin their first semester at Miami University (in Oxford, Ohio). While there, Kam has a difficult time adjusting to the change and finds himself crumbling under the weight of some issues he has yet to deal with. 

A more literal way to put it is: Kam experiences the absolute Hell I went through (mentally) when I graduated university.

It’s more of a literary fiction character study than something with a big, overarching plot. Think My Year of Rest and Relaxation literary fiction versus The Secret History literary fiction. Nothing big and grand happens in it. It’s a quiet story about a guy slowly wearing himself into nothing and then building himself back up (with the help of his friends). There’s a romantic subplot that I only ended up adding because it felt natural.

I think what makes Lessons in Humanity so important to me isn’t just that I’ve been working on it for almost half my life. It’s also that, whenever I go through a difficult time of change, I come back to it. Case in point: I’m writing this update right now because, in six weeks, the American branch of my company will lay us all off. Lessons in Humanity brings me comfort when I feel directionless because Kam feels the same way. Dare I call it my comfort work.

As a (likely-autistic) trans guy myself, Kam was me before I was even me. For all the time I’ve been writing him, Kam has been a way to understand myself and the things I felt. Of course he’s like me. 

My biggest hope with this book is that it does for others what it’s been doing for me. I love Lessons in Humanity when I’m feeling unsure and afraid of change. If it can comfort other people in those times—or any other time—, then I consider it to be a success, no matter what. The idea of Lessons in Humanity from a Future Physicist being someone’s comfort book makes me want to cry.

I haven’t done a full rewrite of Lessons in Humanity since 2020. Since then, I’ve gone to university and gotten (part) of the full experience, and I’m going to add quite a bit of realism to what wasn’t accurate before.

(My husband and I are going to go on a small trip to Oxford, Ohio in October once the layoffs are finished so I can get a little bit of a refresher on the town. I haven’t been in two years, and that was back when I was doing Doordash.)

Kam Suzuki

One of my first ever queer characters, Kam will always hold a dear place in my heart. It’s not that much of a joke when I say that Kam is my self-insert character. When you list out our traits, we look almost the same. And yet, I do take some steps to make Kam a little different from me. I take aspects of people in my life that I love (which I do for all of my characters) that are far different from me and put them in him.

Despite being obsessed with his physical fitness, Kam is someone who doesn’t deal with his problems. He locks them in his chest and lets them claw away at him until he can’t stand it anymore. Unfortunately, that happens to him during the events of Lessons in Humanity. There’s some stuff he’s been holding in for far too long, like his trauma from walking in on his twin brother’s suicide attempt, along with his general hatred of things changing and fear of abandonment. 

Kam’s lifelong dream is to work for NASA. He’s been obsessed with space and science since he was a small child, so of course, he’s a Physics major. He’s also the type of person who works himself to the bone for success. (In this way, we are the same.)

Zach Amsel

Something I love about Zach is that it feels like he’s the other part of me. What Kam didn’t get, it seems like Zach got. Zamsel is the type of indie soft boy that I easily catch crushes for, with my “anxious but slutty bisexual” energy and unruly curly hair.

When it comes to Zamsel, I would just like to say: his playlist is composed of a lot of The Front Bottoms. He’s a sad boy who gets into a lot of bad situations with toxic romantic partners that take advantage of him. While I’ve changed the timeline of a couple relationships of his, the fact that he’s willing to get with almost anyone who shows interest in him is equal parts depressing and frustrating. For both everyone in the novel and myself. 

Bad taste aside, Zamsel is a sweet guy with an incredible competitive streak. He and Kam have been competing with each other for years now, and they still push each other towards success.

Nikki Espinosa-Jasso

Nikki is a Mechanical Engineering student who shares an art class with Kam and Zamsel. She’s a year older and wiser, a bit jaded, and overall, a little abrasive on the surface, but she has a heart of gold. I think we’ve all met a person like her. Her main love languages are acts of service and getting food together.

She’s receiving what is pretty much a total overhaul. Where she used to be a quasi-mother figure to Kam and Zach, I’ve decided to make her a little more feral and a lot less maternal. Nikki needs to be a more interesting person outside of the boys.

Vic Suzuki

Kam’s brother who is still in high school since he didn’t skip a grade when Kam did. When I first created him, he was your typical 2014-era emo, which has now become a 2024 Tiktok alt boy, I guess. Blue hair, lots of piercings, black hoodies under leather jackets, bold tattoos, bisexuality. He was my gender goal when I created him, and honestly, I’m pretty damn close to it right now.

In the past, Vic was depressed to the point of attempting suicide, which Kam walked in on and was traumatized by. Vic doesn’t know this. He’s gotten better since then, and has far better coping mechanisms. Honestly, he has some of the best mental health in the book, which is a huge change from how he was in WADAA. 

He has goals now (that don’t include being dead). Vic is trying to line up a tattoo apprenticeship when he graduates high school. 

Gerard Shimmish

Kicked out of his parent’s house for being gay, Gerard has been living with the Suzuki family for about a year and a half. He’s Vic’s boyfriend and best friend, and a general ray of sunshine. We don’t see as much of Gerard as we did in WADAA, which is a shame. Gerard is a character I pour a lot of my optimism into.

His big thing is helping people. He wants to be a social worker or a psychiatrist. Something where he works with LGBT youth like himself. 

He’s getting some minor character edits to make him a little more interesting, but overall, I think Gerard’s a sweetheart. I might borrow some traits from my husband to give him some more depth.

Tag List

@aritany, @reininginthefirewriting

Ask to be added to the tag list!

[ckret2]

If someone wanted to join the death valley cult but wasn’t a woman what would happen? Would they be excluded or just treated awkwardly or something?

They probably wouldn't even know it exists.

The Death Valley cult doesn't exactly have a facebook page. They're living out in a lonely little compound in one of the most inhospitable landscapes in the United States. You get into the cult one of two ways:

1) you caught Bill's eye and he started haunting your dreams, talking you into adopting a new philosophy, teaching you the "truth" about the world that aligns with the worldview he wants you to have... and then, when he's decided you're brainwashed enough, he goes "you're enlightened enough; you ought to contact some of my other devotees here..."

or

2) you caught one of the cultist's eyes, and she decided to start actively recruiting you, maybe bringing in several other cultists to help keep you 24/7 surrounded by the cult's philosophy until you're cut off from your other family/friends.

Both involve someone already involved in the cult choosing you. And they choose ladies. Bill uses a lot of different tactics and philosophies to seduce people into his various cults, depending on what he thinks would work on them; the Death Valley cult is women that were brought in with some sort of bullshit along the lines of that "divine feminine" "women are inherently more pure and in tune with their instincts" stuff.

(This isn't an opinion Bill himself holds—he thinks human genders are arbitrary and stupid—but you don't start a cult by imposing your beliefs on aliens, you start a cult by exploiting THEIR beliefs and twisting them into knots until they resemble yours.)

If a dude did somehow know they exist—for example, the artists in the Bahamas know how to contact them—and for some reason traveled to Death Valley to knock on their door and say "I believe in Bill, I wanna join," they'd go "okay we'll contact Bill tonight and ask him where you should go." They know there are other pockets of people out there that worship Bill, most of which take males; clearly Death Valley was just this one guy's nearest point of contact through which he could find THOSE groups. He's not staying HERE, obviously. He's NOT staying here. That's final. Go back to your hotel.

If any sort of nonbinary person (or, heck, probably even binary trans person) knocked on their door they'd probably have a very serious discussion about whether this individual "counts" as a woman. And the next time they fall asleep Bill swoops into their dream like "buddy, pal, friend, amigo, why the hell do you wanna move in with a bunch of crazy broads who need to argue about whether you're female enough for them? Yikes, am I right? Get OUT of here. Listen, I'm in contact with this little group that meets in the basement of an art school in San Francisco and they're pioneering forms of genderfuckery two hundred years ahead of their time, I'll give you their address."

But, why would any of the above people show up at the Death Valley compound in the first place? If they're ready to move in with one of Bill's cults, then Bill's directing them to places they'll fit in. A person who doesn't feel at home in a cult is a person who's likely to run from that cult.

[davekat-sucks]

What's your interpretation of Eridan? Most of the fandom sees him as a sassy gay/trans boy. That's kinda dumb though as it's based on a single sprite and a fanon joke. I think the best interpretation is him being (and note that he is my favorite character) an incel. I mean he wants a girlfriend, he's into historical warfare, into fantasy, emotionally unstable/closed off, has a need for superiority. What do you think?

I don't think he's a sassy gay/trans boy. That's just asinine. I wouldn't go far to say he is an incel either. That interpretation was what made Cronus exist. Simp at best, but not incel. To me, I think Eridan is a dramatic theater kid, who acts so high and mighty because he is taught this was the norm for people of his status, is socially awkward because the belief of his race was to never show vulnerability towards anyone, makes it hard for him to try and gain a good close connection with anyone, which resulted on him feeling lonely and blaming himself if something does go wrong, a hypocrite because despite all his pride of being seadweller and a highblood, cares a lot about the people below him but his planet says he can't really do that, and wants to be open about his interests in wizards but fears being judged by others. Perhaps his interest in historical warfare and claims to be into science is all a load of tripe. He's not really into it. He's either too dumb to understand it or is using said hobby interest to try and project himself, thinking he could be something great, but knows he is shit despite that his blood colors says he should be top dog. I sort of play up his racism a bit more compared to others in the fandom. Part of it is in a joking fashion. I mean, rich people getting away with racism is kind of a thing. Dude would have enough money to buy the N-word pass if it does exist. He probably doesn't even need to spend money on it because he just don't give a fuck. I imagine him a little bit vain with how he likes to dress. I mean, violet cape and lots of rings on his fingers. Haughty too with how much he tries to push himself up, only to fall down immediately once something bad happens or people call him out that he does feel guilty about it. He's a tragic boy and I love him for it. Then again, my taste in fave characters and husbandos tend to be either tragic guys, crazy, or gay. Sometimes all. There are other people who have done better analysis about Eridan's character. Mine likely sucks.

[cheapbananas]

the thing about dan and phil is that since the beginning, it has been a beacon of hope for young losers like me. the beauty of dan and phil is that they found eachother. awkward emoboy who feels horribly lonely meets someone on the internet who he connect with and then they move in together and become partners in everything and genuinely love eachother? that meant the world to young me. i started watching their stuff at like age 11 and i was a loser with no friends stuck in a town full of people who didnt accept me and i didnt really see a reason for living but dan and phil found eachother so maybe, just maybe theres hope. thats what it was and still is for a lot of us. this is why a lot of little gay and trans teens found them. dan and phil was about how sometimes things do get better. sometimes love is out there. sometimes you find your person. and online spaces for dan and phil fans were full of people just like me back in 2015. we were all lonely but we all found comfort in eachother and these two guys on the internet who actually made it work. they were living proof that there IS something to hope for. and i would sit in my room alone in an abusive home, feeling like this was all life would ever be, and then i would open some computer or phone or tablet or smth or whatever i could and i would watch two best friends bake the worst baked goods youve ever seen and laugh about it and i would scroll to the comments and talk to people just like me and i would think, 'okay maybe things can get better. maybe if i just tough it out, love will find me' and i was right. i was so so right.

[your-queer-dad]

parents and school and everything is getting a hell of a lot more dangerous for me way fast I’m trans in Florida with a fuck ton of disorders I send stuff here to vent a lot never sign my shit so you probably don’t recognize me by my situation or typing cause a lot of people here vent about similar stuff but I said before things are dangerous I don’t have safe spaces or people but there’s this new kid in class and our schools hella bigoted the kids were joking about nazi shit again and this guy was like dude why are y’all so racist and stuff and it was such a shock hearing someone else say somethin when I first went to this school I tired reporting kids and talking to them and explaining etc nothing worked they don’t care teachers are worse then the kids etc and I got rlly nervous about it cause I get assaulted and bullied alot and they all made fun of me and said I was paranoid it’s just jokes I have my head up my ass and I’m like truamadumping by explaining why bigotry is bad not even using my experiences!! so after a couple months I stopped talking but this one new guy just completely called it out in the smoothest way possible and then when everyone tried making excuses he was like nah that’s stupid actually anyway my parents are getting more dangrous and I’m struggling with my health and trying to get them to actually make appointments with the fucking doctors so my medical shit doesn’t catch up to me and mess me up more and I still don’t have a job or drivers license I’m seventeen trying to get hours for the license and trying to get medically ok enough to put effort towards the hours and a job and getting my homework done that a whole thing I’m in so many classes this year and it’s to much work and the classes are at the same time so no matter what I have to miss a lesson etc anyway I’m so stressed everything’s going to shit basically but this one kid is nice lowkey and mentally I’m doing better I used to be a lot worse due to stress but I stop blaming myself and proriize my health and manage to make things slightly better with my routine by fighting for years with my parents and it finally paid off sort of it’s really weird now things are so much more dangerous and I’m the most scared ever but also mentally clear the most I’ve ever been I can actually feel lonely and hungry and thirsty and process the emotions I couldn’t do that before and I’m in less pain generally my plans are paying off years and years of planning and working and just like locking in and trusting my gut no matter what anyone does to me I’m happy I was right I would eventually meet someone who wasn’t racist and I did and even if things are more dangerous now and everything’s gone to shit at school and home I have what I need to really flip shit around I just need to rest and get a little more energy to pull it off

also there’s a whole thing with like my parents putting me in situations wheee they knew I’d get hurt and assaulted then they leave me to it I’ve almost died a lot because of medical neglect I need to be like not put through extreme stress assaults intense sports and getting threatened to get killed and etc but hey that never stopped them new schools new intense extra curriculars with people who hurt me in every kind of way and leave me to die being put in places that work against my mental disorders leaving me to fail and then blaming me when it happens or when I try to get out or talk my way out or go to the bathroom so I can calm down from panic attacks and getting ducking assaulted just to be followed in the bathroom and assaulted there to :/ and when I tell my parents I get hit with the “well high school is hard for everyone” not even a full talk just that sentence then I get ignored again also I’ve also been assaulted by my parents so that’s fun/sarcastic “but it’s ok because it’s just family and just roughhousing and just a joke and no one means anything by it this is just what family family is allowed to get touchy does but don’t tell anyone because you know how people are” it really is the home stretch now everything I’ve worked for is paying off and I have the tools to get what u need to leave and get support I just need to stick it out and figure out the specifics and then actually go do it things feel weird physically and mentally I’m dissociating less so I process more and by body feels all different I feel emotional when people are mean to me and lonely to and there’s so much but also when I hit my limit I can’t tell because it doesn’t hurt like before cause I’m not like fatally fucked over anymore it’s weird

anyway I love you dude you’ve really helped being listened to is hella validating thanks dad 🫂

Hey kiddo, gosh I am so so sorry you have to go through all of that. That's awful and you don't deserve any of that. You don't deserve to be treated like that, by your classmates or your parents. And I wish I could take all that pain away from you. I know it sounds cliche but I promise you things will get better. You're seventeen, you're almost there I promise you please hang on til it gets better. There is hope and you deserve all the hope and happiness in the world. 🫂🫂🫂

- dad x

[forcepushthinker]

Supportive

“Good morning, you.” Lara’s message was more than welcome, Laura had been sitting in front of the screen for what felt like hours, unable to focus. Dysphoria had been beating her pretty badly the last few days and all the things she found out recently, that may end up as part of her transition and needed taking care of, were making her feel horribly overwhelmed. “Good morning! How was your weekend?” She replied. “Not too bad. I went out with a couple of friends shopping on Friday and then we had a couple of drinks Saturday night. It was fun. Sunday I just spent the day relaxing and taking some time for myself, that’s needed too, every now and then. How about you?” She had no idea about the weight that that question bore. Laura was unsure how to answer. She desperately wanted to tell her friend about the shitty time she was having lately and how lonely and alone she felt. What held her back was the thought that she didn’t want to bother her friend with these details, as it seemed that bad feelings and stress was all she had talked about over the last week. She didn’t want to sound like a sad sack, unable to socialise and without a life outside work and her transition. But the need for help got the better of her eventually. “It was ok. I relaxed with my cats, watched some movies, nothing special. I wish I had somebody to go out with sometimes as well. I’m just stuck at home all the time and don’t know where to go.” “That’s not a problem, it happens sometimes. Why don’t you check online if you can find any locations in the queer scene in your city and go there? I’m sure you’d meet some great people that way, trans or otherwise.” Lara replied. “I would love to, but I don’t really dare going out to anything like that. I’d love to meet some other trans girls to connect with, maybe connect over our transitions and hopefully make friends, but at the point in my transition that I’m in I would just look like a sad gay guy in any of those places and I’d be really uncomfortable. It would be different, if there was somebody I could go there with, but the fact I don’t is exactly why I should go there in the first place. I just don’t dare to go there on my own.” “I get that, but you need to start somewhere.” Lara tried to be supportive and encouraging, she understood that things are not always as easy as they may sound. “I got an idea. How about this, I could come down and visit you and we could check out the scene together. Maybe that would make you feel a little more comfortable. And even if we can’t find anybody to connect with right away, at least it would be fun to just be out for a bit and explore the options the city has to offer?” “You would do that? That would be wonderful, honestly.”