#it isnt like any of you care but i thought i’d say anyway.

[guppybibi]

Late WIP Wednesday ..

(aaa km not sure if i should finish this, it started off strong but just fell off and now my brain isnt working)

Simon’s home & marriage was his refuge, until it wasn't. He knew something wasn't right when you were coincidentally prepared for his return, all dolled up when you greeted him with an “I miss you” kiss. No, he was sure it wasn't you when he saw that the dinner table was prepared with a generous spread of food on it.

There was no reason for you to come this prepared, everytime he comes home from deployment is a surprise. So..how exactly are you this ready? It didn't sit right with him, the whole thing felt like it came out of a painfully obvious scripted reality TV show.

But food was food and after countless weeks spent eating barely edible MRE’s, a home cooked meal was all he needed. Sluggishly, he sat down at his unsaid designated spot at the dinner table. He closely watched if you would sit down at your designated spot, if you didn't; that’d explained a lot. You do end up sitting at your spot, it wasn't all that hard to do though. Dinner with you was unsettling to say the least, all of the small talk you were making felt forced, it’s barely been an hour and he already feels like he's going crazy.

He knows more than to question you upfront though, having gone through enough interrogations to know that he should take his time and that you could get hostile if things don't go your way. You could be a threat for all he knew, and it's better to be safe than sorry. Unsure if it was the right decision, he starts out some sort of small talk himself, asking you some seemingly innocent questions.

“What were yer up to while I was gone, luv?” He asks mid chew. “Oh not much, I just picked up a new hobby actually. Clay sculpting! I've been watching online tutorials, I could say I’ve been getting the hang of it if I do say so myself.” Liar, was all he could think while he subconsciously nodded to your words. You hated clay, not fond of the texture it had and the way it’d get stuck under your nails. Perhaps it was another one of your impulsive decisions, jumping into conclusions should be the last thing he should be doing. It could cost him more harm than good, so he lets it slide. For now at least.

“Sculpting eh? That's new, have ye finished any?” He pauses, swallowing his food. “I’d love to see them.” A spark lights up in your eyes, but it didn't look right. There's a lit candle in there but it's far, far away. The lack of life in your eyes makes his stomach spin like there's a guinea pig rolling around in their wheel in there, it made him want to puke. He wasn't the biggest fan of prolonged eye contact anyway, so he’ll just avoid looking you in the eye to prevent making a mess. “Oh yeah I actually do! They're already displayed on top of our shelves, I’ll show them to you after.” You exclaim, if that was you anyway, which it wasn't.

Dinner passed at an uncomfortably slow pace, Simon swore he could hear each individual tick and tock of the clock, the scraping of utensils against the porcelain plates and each chew you took. He’s gone through debatably louder things than this, the booms of the explosions were unforgettable after all but this somehow takes the cake. Wanting to distract himself further, he helps with washing the dishes which you normally did but you specifically chose today to help do the other minor chores. Water, that was your weak point. He noticed it, you didn't drink water after dinner either. What kind of monster doesn't drink water to hydrate after eating roasted pork?

To test out this thought of his, he decided to ask another question. “I'm heading to the shower, luv. Care to join me?” Meekly, he suggests to you, deep brown eyes staring intently as he awaited the already expected answer. “Oh I..actually already showered earlier dear. Maybe next time.” A dishearteningly dismissive reply, just like he expected. “Alright, suit yourself luv. I'll be back.”

He thought about it, almost forgetting about the bubbly soap running down his body from how deep in thought he was. There was no doubt about it anymore, everything about you being you, pointed away. At this point, he didn't care what the fake you was anymore, rather where you actually were. You could've been dead for all he knew, replaced by the soulless woman that now roams around his home.

This was beyond cruel, beyond the pain physical torture could've caused. It was like the universe was a cat and he was a yarn ball, being played by it meticulously. The whole thing was definitely planned out by a certain someone he knew, the both of you are fairly private so it couldn't have been a random person. He couldn't handle this alone, as much as he’d hate to admit, the situation was way bigger than him to do alone. So, he decides to call a trusted someone.

“You tellin’ me ye think your wife got abducted or something..and a doppelgänger replaced her?” A gruff voice questions, lightly tapping his cigar against the side of the ashtray. Price, him and Kate are the only members of the Task Force so far that Simon allowed you to meet. Well, it unfortunately looks like the sergeants won't get to meet you under these circumstances just yet. Strangely enough, the clocks inside the pub weren't working. Must be a malfunction. The masked man nodded, sighing through his nose when he got a whiff of the alcohol-filled air in the bar.

“I feel so.” He grumbled. “Couldn't she be just having an off day? We all have those, Simon.” John opposes it, it was an unquestionable possibility they couldn't simply ignore. “No, I know my wife. In my years of being with her, she's never acted this way.” Ghost hissed back, a hint of crystal clear impatience seeping out from his words. The lack of respect in his tone wasn't intended, but what could he do when his wife is apparently kidnapped and replaced so seamlessly? “I guess you have a point, but you need to confirm it Simon. You shouldn't make any decision on impulse, if the woman in your home really isn't your wife then this is a bigger issue.”

Then the plan was set, still a little all over the place but there really wasn't any time to lose. Simon would further observe the woman who's allegedly ‘you’ to make sure he isn't making things up, then if he was incredibly sure it wasn't you, he’ll head to the police and file a report for a missing person. In all honesty, it wasn't hard to do, having gone through missions more intense than this. Yet the fact that you were involved made the bugs inside of him crawl, this was totally his fault.

He didn't hide you away from the world enough, he should've just kept you locked inside a cage like the little birdie you were to avoid any danger coming your way. Simon wasn't stupid though, that was inhumane, you were one of the only few people who has managed to make Simon feel less of a ghost and more of a human. So doing such a thing to you was unethical and out of the books, but how could you blame him for subconsciously letting his possessiveness and worry take over when you're literally so far from his grasp? Being so near before that he could easily grip at the back of your top, now so far that the trace of your scent is long gone.

It makes Simon feel sick, his core being left to rot. He comes from the pub to what felt like an empty house, not home because nothing would feel like home without you there. He’d rather be living in a pile of rocks and plywood with you than in a giant mansion without you, that would be the real hell. “Bloody hell..where are you?” He murmurs under his breath, stressedly rubbing his creased forehead. If he could, he’d pry at every surface that comes up within his sight just to find you.

“I’m back.” He whispers, unsure if the fake you was asleep or not. Anyone, human or not wouldn't be happy being woken up from their slumber. “Welcome home, hun. You alright?” Looking up from your cup of tea, you ask. “Yeah, just spoke with the Captain. That's all, no alcohol.” Simon was so used to you being a worrywart about his alcohol intake, telling you that he didn't have any alcohol is practically ingrained into the wrinkles of his brain. But the woman in front of him didn't seem to care less about his health, let alone him in general. The lack of nagging that usually filled his ears to the brim didn't feel right, he would've much rather gone through another one of your yap sessions about how constant alcohol intake affects him in the long run than..just silence.

He feels the desperation inching up on him, eating him whole. At this point, he's willing to admit he doesn't want you. He needs you. He needs to hear your fretful complaints about him getting deployed, knowing you’d shut up because you were used to it by now. He needs you to tell him to include more vegetables in his diet because he's not some kind of carnivore to be eating that much meat. God, he just needs you with him. Whatever bloody thing came with you he’d take like it was on a stupid Black Friday sale.

“Not yet..” He’d think every single night, eyes wide open as he prevents himself from making a rash decision. The woman sleeping soundly right next to him, if that was you..But it wasn't, even if he stared at the unfamiliar woman for ten hours straight, she wouldn't just magically turn into you. Well sure, she was a carbon copy of you from head to toe but she simply just didn't scream ‘you’. Whatever and whoever you were anyway.

“When all is said and done, I think it'll end well Simon. My gut feeling tells me so, it's rarely ever wrong so I’m pretty sure we should trust it.” You ramble on and on, the little amount of alcohol taking over your lightweight self. Simon was still courting you here, yet he remembers it like it's been replayed in his mind like a broken record. He trusted your gut, and he could consider that as one of the best choices he's ever made in life.

But..trusting you now? While you're probably out, all shivering & teeth clattering from the immense cold night? Impossible, he’s fully aware that you're a capable strong woman however..how far can his trust go? How far do you have to venture into someone’s soul to gain their fragile trust, something that can be easily broken with your own bare hands? Ghost doesn't trust you, but Simon does.

“You're a strong gal, you can hold on for much longer.” He supposes, deep in thought while he flipped around in bed. The fake you hasn't set off any red flags yet, acting normal. Too normal. He knew ‘you’ had a purpose for being here, one with malicious intent, though what exactly? One wouldn't simply come in here and replace his wife with a fake one just out of spite, unless they were a little cuckoo. Tossing aside to check the time, he presses the ‘on’ button on his phone. Weird, the time didn't show up. Maybe it's just a glitch in the system.

“Simon, Hey? Simon, wake up. Hurry, you need to get up.” A voice shakes, lightly nudging him in order to awake him. It's your voice, he can instantly sense its meekness. With one eye and another, they flutter open, still full of sleep in them. “Oh thank goodness, you're awake! But you seriously need to wake up, like right now.” You crooned, hoping he’d fully wake up to the sound of your voice. Groaning, Simon sat up, a few joints popping in the process. “What..? Yeah, I’m awake luv. Whad’ya need me for?” He questions groggily, eyes opening further once he gets a closer look at you. It's actually you, he can tell! The way your eyes meet his, connecting like a bee landing on a precious flower. The way your voice lilted to him like a mother bird nursing her hatchlings, it really was you.

“Wait–luv? You're here? Bloody hell, you actually are–Did you see the other gal who looked just like you? Tell me I’m not losing my shit please.” Then you shushed him, convinced he’ll continuously go on and on if you didn't. “Please listen to me closely, Simon.” You pause, noticing how his eyes bask in yours like it was long overdue. “You need to wake up, hurry.”

[chilapis]

hi lapis! i hope this isnt bothersome, but i thought i should tell you, today i found out my f/o has an official perfume too, and all i could think of was your extensive and detailed (and impressive) breakdown of tartaglias. my bf is a fellow hoyo character, luke from tot, which im not sure you know of, but generally personality wise hes quite energetic and positive, with angst and gloominess hidden and unprocessed, but thats .. irrelevant. the top notes of the perfume have lemon and orange, and there is apricot in the heart (?) notes, which i think does suit him quite well. as well as spearmint? which i did not know you could put into perfume. and lily of the valley, and then amber and whatnot in the base notes. to my understanding the top notes arent what it mainly smells like?? im not knowledgable about this stuff at all so i dont know what scents mix well or whether if they have like themes or symbolism, i feel like ive been losing my mind reading articles about different notes and the composition of scents. i am still very lost, but i feel like your post gave me some direction, so thank you!

anyway, hope youre doing well, and also that this isnt too weird of a message to send, as we have been mutuals for only some time <3

- @lov3dream

Oh goodness, this isn’t weird or bothersome at all — it’s been such a thrill to read. I haven’t really ever indulged in any other MiHoyo games, but I have briefly heard of Tears of Themis so I do have the briefest idea.

First thing? Don’t every think of something as not holding potential to be a perfume note; it’s mostly chemical compositions that are used to achieve those notes or accords, or wrung out essences. It is truly insane what you’ll find in the notes of perfumes sometimes. That said, taking all provided notes into consideration, that certainly smells refreshing — citrusy, minty, with a slight warmth and sweetness to it. I’d say the way fragrances smell have a-lot to do with many different factors. Namely, if you put it on yourself or such, it might smell different on you than it might on someone else because different people tend to pull different notes of the fragrance more strongly based on their own body’s natural scent.

As for the notes; notes are usually divided into three categories, top, middle, and base. Most people usually smell the perfume in that order too; meaning that you might smell the top notes right off the bat, the middle notes when it’s been a few minutes and it’s settled in, and the base notes when it’s been a while and it’s just lingering now. Of-course this isn’t a rigid rule and sometimes the base notes are so strong that they hit you as soon you spray. I feel like it depends on the general/full make-up for scents to work together? Not to mention Memo again (can you tell I have a favourite house yet), but their Italian Leather fragrance literally has Tomato leaf in it. Tomato leaf. Can you imagine making that work without making yourself smell like soup? No? Well, they managed it somehow and it’s honestly not a bad scent, though it’s not something I’d personally wear due to my own tastes. It’s actually quite nice. Scents do have themes and symbolism however; most people are a stranger to that so you don’t have to worry about it, as the average person is more or less just concerned about smelling good rather than smelling like or representing a particular style or feeling.

Articles can be really confusing though, I get that, because certain things are just, much easier to understand in conversation than in a pre-written article. I promise you don’t have to do this alone though; I could help you navigate scents and themes a little better? You can message me if you need any help and are confortable with it, I wouldn’t mind at all. This is such a sweet message either way though, good luck and I hope you’ve been seeing to your needs and taking care of yourself!

[xplrvibes]

alright im half way thru and here are my thoughts so far:

1. I truthfully don’t know any of the controversy around joe rogan, i just know he’s hella popular for being controversial and he’s someone i’d be on edge to have a convo with bc what i have seen is he questions everything and he isn’t afraid to let you know he doesn’t agree. but snc seem to really like him and vibe with him and it does seem super out of the blue for joe to want ghost hunters to come investigate his place (I hope this isnt a set up). either way, sounds interesting.

2. that contract from o-park mall is challenge worthy. they spelt colbys name entirely wrong (misspelt his last name and used his nickname and not his legal name) making it null and void from my understanding. i would also say the same abt sam as they used a nickname not a legal name. A good lawyer could wiggle them out of that if they cared.

3. loved hearing colbys take on religion. im the same, i’m not so much religious as i have a relationship with God. i think thats way more important than being in a religious community. and i also feel the same way about just knowing there’s something else out there. also interesting he was the only one on the table who doesn’t have dreams of dying. chop that up to trusting in God and not being afraid bc he knows God has the perfect plan and everything is in control, or just generally not afraid to die for other reasons, who knows. definitely fascinating, either way.

alright i’ll be back in 1.5hr hours with part 2 comments. I probably missed a bunch of stuff i could’ve commented on but these are my standout comments.

- aussie anon

I finished the podcast late last night and then immediately went to bed without really doing a deep dive into my thoughts on the whole thing (aside from a few choice areas that stuck in my brain and had to be discussed in dm's last night lol), so I'm going to use your reviews to sort of start my own review, and then will probably finish up with an additional post later on side thoughts - cause I have a lot lol.

1, The thing with Joe Rogan is that he kind of plays both sides of the fence, in terms of not just politics, but pretty much anything going on (he will have on conservatives and liberals, will have on atheists and people like snc, will have on scientists and then people who believe in UFOs, etc) and so he tends to be very controversial because of that. I don't listen to him, his viewpoints on certain things aren't really my cup of tea and he has in the past said some stuff in his pursuit of riding the fence that was not good and gross and everything, so this is not me defending him or whatever - but at the end of the day, he has the most listened to podcast on earth and love him or hate him, is a household name. Them being invited on his podcast, being treated very well by him, and then him keeping in touch with them and inviting them out to his comedy club is objectively a big deal for them and their visibility and they aren't going to turn that down because twitter - who has pretty much made it clear they lowkey hate snc anyway lol - have an issue with the collab.

I actually found that part of the conversation interesting, because the whole thing came about because his daughter was a fan of theirs, which I just find kind of hilarious and random. Imagine how many people of notoriety and fame they meet or could potentially meet because those peoples' teenage children are fans.

2, I don't think they would actually get arrested for showing up at that mall at this point in their careers, anyway - most malls do not have the uumph to take shit like that truly seriously, and both S & C have made it public that they've been back in there since (one time right after the release of their book, Colby went into their Barnes and Noble with his mom and illegally signed a few of the books on the shelf and posted about it all over his instagram lol). But it is objectively kind of hilarious that they are "banned" from entering the mall and yet they've had consumer products in three of their stores (B&N, Hot Topic and Zumiez), and have had their faces on the store fronts of two of those three.

3, I strangely found that interesting as well, and I normally tend to zone right the fuck out when people talk religion (sorry, all). I was raised Catholic but am not religious these days in my own life, although I certainly do believe that something else has to be going on, hence all the ghosts and stuff. But for whatever reason, hearing others talk about religion always makes me feel wildly uncomfortable - I think it's just feeling like that's something personal and so different from person to person and I just don't like feeling like I'm intruding on their privacy by hearing it (even if they are offering it up freely), if that makes sense? I don't know, I'm just weird about those conversations in general.

But I find it interesting when these two talk religion, firstly because of the content they make and how it would tie back into their own personal belief system, but also just how interesting it is that this is one of those areas where they kind of balance each other on opposite sides of the scale, and yet somehow come together perfectly at the end. It's an interesting phenomenon with them.

Also, all of them talking about dying in their dreams and Colby just piping in with "I've never died in my dreams 😃" like go off, you sweet little just happy to be there king.

[lostxmelody]

Not really a question but i’d just like to express that i’m a huge can of your fic, i’ve read it since chapter 1 and have been sucked in ever since. majority of the 0309 content made by fans often have them terribly mischaracterize making lots of people end up hating the ship instead cause all they think the fans are capable of doing are creating terrible stuff of them and just set a bad impression on the ship even when is just supposed to be a silly pairing cause milgram doesnt run on romance!! T__T including me i used to like (not like it too much) to say the least though i tried to be more open to it cause i was starving on fan content and just went on ahead on ao3 and said “fuck it i’m reading a fic of them” to which i did .. some of the fics are questionable though when i found yours i just knew it would be good from the start. The way you characterized Fuuta and his experience with his crime was just ODBAJhsjsjd /pos. The way you potrayed Mikoto’s social life, ideals and personality is so so close to his canon one if not that its quite exactly the same!! (to how i imagined it atleast) its refreshing to see people characterize him as someone that isnt a ‘big top hottie thats overly flirty and is an asshole and doesnt care about anyone’s feelings’ and the way you really showed and expanded the dynamic they’d have together (in an au) atleast was just well done, you elaborated it well in the fic. most of the people i’ve seen just makes them grumpy x sunshine, etc etc tropes not that its bad but i think they’d have more to if than just that especially with their crimes and ideals involved and how they view life. if you’d open a twitter account i’d totally support you like hell, big time i’d love to hear more about your thoughts on 0309, Mikoto / Milgram in general and maybe give your fic more attention it deserves one way or another <33 chapters are already 8/10 done! i cant believe its nearly done aswell. i’m not huge into shipping but i love the way you write the characters (even the side! Yuno + Mahiru + Shidou’s characterization is so good) pleaase give yourself more credit as a good writer in the milgram fandom!! i know you’re a busy person anyway (you seem like one) though i just wanna say thank you for taking the time to write life’s reflection and the other oneshot you wrote. Take care of yourself :D<333

thank you so much!! i havent delved much into other milgram fanfics, in this case talking specifically about 0309 because i know from past experiences in different fandoms that whenever i did that i'd become so worried about my own characterization that i just ended up dropping the entire idea and never writing it again.

writing a slash pairing the milgram fandom is a bit... i guess probably frowned upon, depending on who you ask. it's not meant to be a shipping scene but where theres a will theres a way lol. ive become really fascinated by their made-up dynamic. mikoto and fuuta have barely any canon interactions and whenever they did-- it was obvious that they don't even like the other. why ship that? well i can't provide an answer for everyone, but for me it's just because i like reading about two broken people healing and why not add a tinge of almost-enemies to lovers in there? lol

its funny you mention a twitter because i did make one about a month ago but immediately abandoned it because i didn't plan on using it... i guess i could though! i just end up overthinking everything i post but it would be nice to engage a little more with like-minded (read: 0309 truthers /hj) people

you can find that here! (barebones rn... but feel free to interact or whatever and i'll make it look better eventually)

thanks again for such a sweet comment!

[daja-the-hypnokitten]

Jukebox reviews part 36! For context, see my post “A Project” under this same tag. If you want to see a full list of his EMCSA stories, they can be found here, sorted alphabetically.And if you want to see some of his drabbles, check out his blog at @jukeboxemcsa

King Pleasure Time

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7/8/2017                                       mc ma

I'd say this isn't how humans work, but then, "I can haz cheezburger" was a thing for *ages* so maybe it IS how humans work, just on a different scale. While we do see how Caitlin is effected by the brainwashing here, it just ... isn't in a spectrum that speaks to me? There's absolutely nothing I *dislike* here, just nothing that I find particularly to my personal erotica tastes. But if you're the sort to enjoy someone's opinion on a thing being changed by regular exposure to other people treating using one as just normal, of seeing snippets of a world that's changing by something "off-screen"? Give this one a go. 6/10 spirals. 

 Just Dumb

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7/15/2017                                     mc mf md

If ever I needed evidence that Jukebox is not as big of a Rush fan as LadyR, this story sure provides it. (If you're dropping astrophysics/astronomy that 99% of your audience is just going to take as "ah, that's ... some sort of thing in space?" and you don't go for HDE 226868/Cygnus X-1, I can make the not-at-all shocking conclusion that you aren't a Rush fan). Off of the topic of me being both a bit of an astronomy nerd (though I did need to look up the binary system Jukebox named, I only just dabble really) and having an ever growing love of Rush, well. This story feels perfectly grounded in something that could have happened at any hypnocon I've been to. It's lovely and sweet and hot in all the right ways. Though now I want to send Eden to a class on bimbo play so she can both be reassured that plenty of smart, clever folk enjoy the temporary reprieve from *having* to be smart and also learn the language she needs to express what she wants to other potential partners. 9/10 spirals. 

 Even the Stars Fall 4 U

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7/22/2017                                     mc mf ff fd

Another story with 4U, a heavily-brainwashed human. I still want to see how she got quite so thoroughly conditioned. And to learn more about these Masters. And just *everything* about this world. The constant narration of 4U, even as she talks about how perfectly she assumes a different role/persona is ... jarring, a little, though it *works* in the flow of the story. I just want more of the how and why. Especially in this story, where the conditioning of someone else is more a tag at the end than anything. 7/10 spirals. 

 Girls With Guns (Jukebox)

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7/29/2017                                     mc mf fd rb

Oh, this is an interesting one, and I'm left with more questions than answers about the Girls(tm), though I suppose that isnt' really the point of this story, though I'm sure the epilogue will have Implications. I ... am extremely put off by Ethan, by his posturing and aggression and just all of it - I've been on the receiving end of enough aggression from men who were just enough like Ethan, and have friends who have been hurt even *more* by men who reacted to discomfort with violence that I just ... I can't. I know what JB's going for here, and I"m sure it'll be cathartic for some folk, and just plain hot for others, but for me it just isn't. 3/10 spirals. 

 Head Games

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8/5/2017                                       mc mf fd

Ian, this is why I have a board game carrying backpack. Look into them, they're worth the investment. Also, Madison's place sounds like the house of a SCAdian Duchess I know... ANYWAY. I *love* the name Brian Shaw for a game company, A+ on cleverness there, Jukebox, and the game sounds like one that would be entertaining to throw together for a switch fight type game at a con sometime. And I appreciate Madison checking in before doing any sex-things, especially given we already had Ian's thoughts about caring so much about not being a creep making assumptions. it makes this all work, mostly, for all the consent could be better. I love the sense of how Ian's getting more and more caught by the game, too. 9/10 spirals 

 P. T. A.

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8/12/2017                                     mc mf ff md

Nope, I've known too many military wives - mothers! - over the years to not connect this to those folk, parents of friends, wives of my parents' coworkers... NOPE. I'm just not doing this >.> My brain is sometimes too good at connecting unrelated things 

 Opal Mantra

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8/19/2017                                     mc ff

Oh hey, it's the hypnotic opal ring back!  We get to see Piper and her unnamed Mistress from "Doesn't Really Matter" (and wasn't that rather a number of stories ago, it was posted almost 2 full years before this story was!) as they get inside an unsuspecting traveler's head. This one's in 2nd person narration, which is a little trippy given just how hypnotic opals are - there's a reason one of my partners gifted me an opal necklace for Christmas last year, the fire of it just catches the eye... *anyway.*  If you're like me and have a pre-existing association with opals being hypnotic, the 2nd person narration may, um, have an Effect (tm). But it's a good story over all. 8/10 spirals. 

 Up All Night

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8/26/2017                                     mc mf md

The step-by-step process here is fun to see, even if I tend to prefer less disjointed steps myself. "Some of it was things she knew even before he told her" is just such a good line, and the way she seems completely oblivious to the changes being induced before that line is so good. Even if Dylan is rather taking a lot of advantage. But having had those "I have to get this sewing done" nights, even if it wasn't for a grade, I wish I'd had someone to make my hands go on autopilot! (also between this story and Head Games, gosh, I'm getting the itch to do more sewing. Thanks, Jukebox, I think? :P I do have some linen waiting for me to get around to washing and ironing it...) 8/10 spirals 

 More Than a Feeling

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9/2/2017                                       mc ff cb

This is sweet in a slightly twisted way. Like, it completely goes against my view of the universe entirely, the idea that the universe could want to pair anyone like this, but still. Accepting that the world of Jukebox's superheroes and villains operates on a different logic than the world I know, sure, ok, I can work with it. The reality of a power cutting both ways is so good here, and I enjoy the reality of Ursula's instincts warring against Epiphany's mystical instincts. It's a lovely story, however Dilettante tries to warp things. 8/10 spirals. 

 Notepad

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9/9/2017                                       mc mf md

Sneaky sneaky, Kevin. Poor Sandy, getting caught up in that, though hopefully it can be happy for her. And the fact that seh's woken herself up before helps me believe her subconscious will still keep her safe; that said, I have Opinions(tm) about suggestions to trust a hypnotist. Trust should be earned, not taken like that. Still, the suggestions otherwise are HOT, and the concept of the words spilling onto the page and into her mind is. um. *yes.* Also something I've done and very much enjoyed before. 9/10 spirals.

[xx-neon]

june 12th

hi 

i wanted to start writing because i feel like itll help me in some way, ive never really said anything i think or feel. i never really say anything at all. 

if for some reason someone who isnt me reads this im sorry. itll be a lot of word vomit and just generally unpleasant so maybe dont read all of it lol. im going to try and not use lol beacuse i do that to lighten the mood.

anyway.

yesterday before i went to work i had this really strange feeling. it was this weird sense of nothingness and everything? i feel like thats how people feel before they die. like a weird calmness. i felt comfortable and okay with everything. so i felt nothing really when i googled if hanging yourself hurts, i have a rope and everything but i just wanted to make sure i wouldnt feel any more pain. in my head i thought it would be kinda like a slap to the face if i wanted to kill myself because of the pain and then the last thing i feel is pain ha. 

anyway. i got really annoyed when all the results were for the suicide helpline. numbers to call, resources, texting lines everything. i just wanted to know. but then i gave up. as usual. 

all day yesterday i was just planning on when id do it. i wanted to pick a good day. i remembered that i have to clean my apartment first, make sure my cat is fed, but then my friends birthday is coming up and i wanted to wish them a happy birthday, and i had plans to hang out with my friend, and then after that i had plans to hang out with another of my friends. i realized maybe im too busy to die and i really didn't want to disappoint anyone. so i just gave up on that thought. (i did see my friends i was supposed to see yesterday, and this guy bought my food and drinks which has never happened before which was really nice) 

idk how i got here honestly. ive tried suicide before but obviously im writing so that didnt work. but before was different. i just went for it. i didnt think about it. i didnt plan anything i just went 1,2,3 go. i mean, i know how i got here. myself. if i wasnt such a fucking people pleaser maybe I'd have enough balls to be in a better place. 

my ex and i officially broke up last week, and thats kinda where it all started. i know it sounds stereotypical but i dont want to die because of the breakup but because of the feelings that came after it. i really wanted to break up. it was my idea in the beginning. but it took him forever to just say “yeah i dont have any feelings so this is it”. it was like my ego took a flip. ive actually have never had someone say that to me. that sounds really uppity i know. but its true. in my head i thought “after all i did for you thats how you end it?”. and i really ruined my life for this guy. i quit my old job i did hate it tho, moved away from my friends and family, he got into an accident so i used all my money to take care of him and had to take off work, drove him everywhere bc he couldnt drive, etc. and what did i get in return? he cheated on me twice, treated me like shit, slammed a door in my face so hard it broke my glasses, tried to hit me. the relationship was so bad all im left with is alcoholism and an eating disorder. so honestly, good riddance. 

he left me in a really, really bad place. i have to figure out where to live now since he just up and left. i dont have enough money to live on my own anymore. tbh i dont even want to write about it since it stresses me out so much. so i wont. ive just been drinking and going out to distract myself. not from him but like i said, the feelings that came after it. i want revenge, i want peace, i want him to apologize, i want him to never do this to anyone, and i just want to die. i dont have people to talk to about this stuff, i do but, i dont want to seem like an angry ex. i just want people to see the hurt that ive been through. i just want someone to tell me its going to be okay. that what i feel is normal. that people go through this all the time. i just want comfort. 

im sure if i actually told anyone about this theyd be like “but you have me!! you have your family!! you have people who care about you!!”. and yeah i do. but when youre so far down a hole, you dont see the light at the top, just darkness. and probably dirt lol. 

i cried for the first time today. since all of this happened i havent cried at all. my chest has been hurting so much since ive been holding it in. but the reason i started crying was kinda dumb. one of my old friends found me and reached out. he wanted to see how i was doing and what ive been up to. what was i supposed to say? “hey ive been horrible! just planning my suicide and and stuff ya know” but of course i couldnt say that so i just said ive been good. we caught up for a bit and thats when he said hes getting over a breakup that messed him up. so i took the bait and said yeah me too. he just said if you ever want to talk you can always call or text. so i just said thank you it means a lot and that things can only get better i guess. and idk why but thats when i started crying. he said 

“theres so much good to come” 

its so dumb but i felt like those words were just a giant warm blanket. especially with the head space that im in. obviously i could hear that from anyone. but hearing it from someone i haven't talked to in like 4 years meant so much more.

there are so many people who care about me. ive just been stuck dealing with my ex and only caring about what he had to think or feel. he never really cared about me like these people do. theyre concerned about me. they tell me to eat, they tell me theyre worried about my drinking, they dont want me to be out alone, they want to make sure im okay. 

so fuck my ex. fuck him and anyone who thinks hes a good person. hes such a manipulative piece of shit. no one really knows what ive been through. no one knows how hes left me. no one knows about the cheating. no one knows about the abuse. they know nothing. im sure hes talked about me. im sure hes told them how i have a hard time showing feelings. im sure hes told them.. i dont even know. hes probably pulled something out of his ass. and they probably feel so bad for him. i hope they do. and i hope one day they feel just as stupid as i do. 

i just had to get my anger out. 

but my friend is right i think. maybe there is good to come. ive decided to stick around to find out. 

[02pcy]

/

[mc-lukanette]

Omg I am loving your dreaded string of fate au this is such an interesting take! As always your writing and ideas absolutely amaze me You are such a wonderful writer! If it isnt too much of a bother could we get some more writing for dsaf? Either way I hope you are staying safe, taking care of yourself, and that overall life is doing you good.

Thanks, everyone! And sure, you can have more!!

—————

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3]

Luka wasn't sure why Marinette had called him over that day. As far as he knew, she was busy with projects, though he wouldn't complain about spending some time with her.

Still, he found himself tensing and steeling himself up as he walked up the stairs to her living room. The hum of her sewing machine could be heard as he got closer, reminding him of clothes, which led to the thought of thread, which then brought his mind to the red string of fate wrapped around her neck. His last venture as Viperion seemed to have improved his sensing, so now he could see someone's red string even if the person on the other end wasn't nearby.

Needless to say, he wasn't looking forward to it with Marinette.

He closed the living room door behind him, then went up the staircase, knocking to let Marinette know he was there. The sound of the sewing machine stopped, and he heard her footsteps come closer followed by the slight creak of the trapdoor.

Marinette's face was revealed to him, offering him a smile, and Luka tried not to stare too much at the red string still tied around her neck. He swallowed, but smiled back at her, which was genuine enough even if he was uncomfortable.

"Come on up," she welcomed, holding the trapdoor up for him. He nodded and walked up the rest of the stairs, hearing the trapdoor close behind him as he took a look around the room. He felt Marinette's eyes on him, but she voiced her thoughts before he could wonder about them.

"You didn't bring your guitar?" she asked.

He glanced at his back, then at her, having no way of telling her the real reason why he'd chosen not to bring it. "Yeah, I didn't. Sorry, did you want me to play for you?"

"Oh! No, it's okay—I mean, of course I love it when you play for me so I always want—but I understand!" She thankfully dropped the subject there, turning away to return to her seat. "You can make yourself at home or help yourself to the fridge downstairs if you want anything!"

"Thanks," he said with a smile, heading over to her chaise lounge and taking a seat on it. Even with Marinette's chair turned away from him while she used her sewing machine, he could still see the red string dangling off the side, though it faded into full transparency before it hit the floor.

In truth, he'd left his guitar behind to force himself to use less music and more words. He didn't want to hide behind it to try and ease his situation or make himself more comfortable with everything. The situation the love of his life - and more importantly, his friend - had gotten into through no fault of her own was horrible, and no matter how uncomfortable he was, he couldn't have been any more uncomfortable than her being strangled by fate itself.

He watched her, waiting for a lull in her work to ask, "Did you need anything?"

"Hm?" She looked over her chair to meet his gaze.

"I'm happy to be here anyway, but I didn't know if you needed me for something," he clarified.

"Oh." She understood. Waving a hand dismissively, she assured, "No! I just invited you here to hang out—" She gestured to her sewing machine, her eyes a bit shifty. "—with me, while I was busy but totally happy and relaxed and everything!"

Her wording was inherently suspicious. His eyes scanned over the room, noting the projects littered about that seemed so plentiful. He supposed he hadn't exactly been subtle in his concern for her, but he wasn't sure of exactly what tipped her off or made her feel like she had to "prove" her happiness to him.

Besides, he knew better, and he knew her. Even with the smile she gave him, her brows were furrowed and twitching, a tiredness to her eyes that definitely didn't show what he would call "happiness."

He gave her a nod anyway, not wanting to call her out when he was still piecing things together himself, and he didn't want to confirm her worries if she was merely suspecting that he felt that way.

He leaned back while she returned to working, his hand on the cushion underneath him as he considered what to say. If Sass was right in his beliefs, then Luka indeed had the power to change Marinette's fate, though there wasn't any specific method of how. He thought back to all of their conversations, wondering what he would've done differently if he'd known beforehand and trying not to get bogged down by "what if"s or blame himself for it.

He stared silently at the back of Marinette's head, remembering the day at the ice rink when he saw the same thing. She'd been running away, or more specifically running towards Adrien after he'd encouraged her to do so. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time, but from what he gathered from interactions he'd either seen or heard about, it hadn't gone anywhere. Maybe it hadn't even gone well at all.

Maybe he'd made a mistake?

Luka's mind grew heavy with the thoughts, his body falling back to lay down on Marinette's chaise. He didn't regret doing what he felt was right, but now he wondered if his wording could've been better.

"You should probably go over and talk to him."

He hadn't exactly been thinking at the time - a lot had happened that day - but he noted that he could've asked her how she felt. He could've questioned her on if she really wanted to go after Adrien. It was possible she'd wanted to go home on the subway with him, but was convinced to chase Adrien when he brought it up. Luka just imagined Marinette seeing Adrien and Kagami together, the red string tightening around her neck and then loosening when she was presented with the prospect of going after him.

He felt like he was the one being strangled, just thinking about it.

"Luka?"

He looked up, surprised, seeing that Marinette had stopped sewing at some point and had come to sit on the chaise lounge with him. She hovered over him, concern written across her features and the red string taunting him with its mere existence. Luka knew by now that she was very worried about him, and trying to wriggle or half-lie out of it wasn't going to convince her. He'd just really thought that she would've been sewing for longer.

He also jolted up into a sitting position upon realizing that he probably looked like he was making himself too comfy on her chaise lounge. She didn't seem to mind at least.

"...Marinette," he said slowly, trying to put his thoughts in order. She leaned closer as a sign that she was giving him her attention, and he continued, "Do you know why I let you go that day?"

She tilted her head and he belatedly caught that he hadn't been specific, still too lost in his own head. He opened his mouth to clarify, but realization struck Marinette before he could speak, her brows raising in recognition.

"Oh!" she gasped. Though the conversation was sudden, she didn't seem to mind rolling with it. "Um, yeah, I wondered about that sometimes. I mean, I knew that you knew that I—but I didn't know that you—but if you didn't back then, I—"

"No, your song was definitely in my head, even back then," he confirmed casually, smiling as he added, "Since the day we met, remember?"

She blushed at the mention of his confession, but nodded. "Y-yeah." Then, seeming to rethink the moment with that information in mind, she asked, "...Why did you let me go then?"

His eyes flickered to the red string, then back up to her face. "I want you to be happy, Marinette, no matter who it's with. I thought that Adrien would do that, but I hope I didn't make you feel like you had to go after him."

She blinked, the thought having seemingly not even occurred to her. She averted her gaze, her eyes darting around at nothing in particular. "Is...is that why you were looking like that?"

He didn't answer, but that was answer enough for her.

"Oh, Luka," she murmured sympathetically. "I—well—" She shifted uncomfortably. "—I shouldn't be talking to you about this. It'd be wrong when my feelings are so messed up. You..."

He shook his head. "You can talk about Adrien if you want. I'd be happy if you relied on me more."

He meant it. Even regardless of his fate sensing, he wanted Marinette to feel comfortable talking to him, even if it was about her love problems. He didn't want their relationship to be changed because of his feelings for her.

"Even more?" She raised a brow, the concept confusing her, but she didn't question him further. She hesitated, rubbing her cheek in thought, then dropped her hands to her lap and twiddled her fingers. "I-I don't know; about Adrien, I mean. I—" She sighed, giving a halfhearted shrug. "—he's not interested in me. He likes Kagami, but the girls kept telling me that I shouldn't give up on him because of how hard I tried." Then, stiffening, she waved her hands and rapidly assured, "N-not anything against your sister, of course! That's just what happened—and—" She huffed in frustration. "—it feels like I hit a wall, and I'm not going anywhere. Adrien doesn't notice me and I can't talk to him and... I'm tired."

Luka nodded silently to let her know that he was both listening and sympathetic towards her plight, also not wanting to interrupt her.

"Of course I tried hard, but Adrien and Kagami seem like they're good for each other and they should be happy together. Just, whenever I think of giving up or not trying, I..." She raised a hand to her neck in a gesture that he immediately understood. "It hurts, and Alya's always trying to get me together with Adrien no matter what I say. Maybe she knows best and maybe she's right, and that's why I always end up in crazy situations with him. Plus, everyone..." She looked away, her voice not having the enthusiasm one would imagine her next words would go with. "...everyone keeps saying we're made for each other."

Luka clutched his leg to ground himself while struggling to keep a straight face. He'd certainly never heard that one before, but it stung like his neck did just thinking about it. His lips pressed together, trying to contain his emotions, but he couldn't help blurting out, "No one's made for anyone."

She blinked at him, shocked, but he didn't take it back or apologize for saying it so suddenly. He recognized the fact that he was talking about destined love being nonexistent when he himself knew that "fate" was very much a real thing, but his actual opinion on the subject hadn't changed. As far as he was concerned, fate's "opinion" was about as valid as anyone else's when it came to someone else's relationship.

"No matter what Alya, or even Rose, say about you and who you love, Marinette, all that matters is you and who you want to play for. You deserve someone who makes you happy." He paused, lamenting the reality that she really hadn't gotten to think about it. "Does Adrien make you happy?"

He saw the string tighten, Marinette opening her mouth to respond before she seemed to stop herself. He felt like apologizing, but knew she wouldn't understand even if he did. She frowned, staring down at her lap and appearing conflicted with herself, so he reached out and carefully hovered his hand over her shoulder in a show of comfort. She glanced at his hand, noticing the gesture, but didn't immediately give him any sort of permission.

Then, to his surprise, she brought her hand up, gently grabbing his wrist and lowering it so his hand was placed perfectly on her shoulder. She didn't even let go, keeping his wrist held like she needed his hand there.

"...Luka," she whispered, her voice shaking, "I—no, you'll laugh, or think I'm crazy."

He squeezed her shoulder, not hesitating to insist, "I won't. I'm here for you, Marinette."

She finally met his gaze, and he saw a vulnerability there that wasn't there before. She was nervous, whether of his potential reaction to whatever she had to say, or something else entirely.

She took a breath, her fingers tightening around his wrist as she composed herself. The silence stretched, though he could tell that she was steeling herself up.

"The—the Adrien pictures," she began, tossing a pointed look to the wall where they were. "I don't remember putting them there."

He kept his expression schooled, not wanting her to overthink his reactions. Careful and quiet, he asked, "What do you mean?"

"I-I mean, obviously I started putting them there, back when I first met him," she admitted, "but I took them down. They'd been down for a while."

Luka could confirm that. He'd been to Marinette's room before when she'd been sending in their Kitty Section audition to Bob Roth, and the pictures weren’t there.

She continued, "I-it hurt when I did it, but I did, and I threw most of them away. But then—when I wake up sometimes, they're back, and I don't remember putting them up. I-I mean, maybe I did but I just don't remember it? I stay up late sometimes and I won't remember falling asleep, so it might be like that, you know? I-I know you're not exactly like me and I'm sure you don't sleepily put pictures on your wall but..."

He smiled as best as he could, even though he was hurting inside. "I know as well as you do that creativity doesn't have a schedule."

She managed a smile in return, but it returned to a frown as she dropped her gaze to her lap. "A-anyway, I can forget things, but it's never been that bad, and sometimes they'll be gone for a while but then they'll be back a few days later. There's just—there's no other explanation, so it has to be me, right? I-I don't know if it's a sign or what, but if it is then I don't know what it's telling me? Because whenever there are a lot of pictures—" She made a vague gesture with a wave of her free hand, cringing as she added, "—something humiliating always happens. That usually gets me to take them down again, but then... well, you know." She rubbed the back of her neck with a hand, blushing in embarrassment. "Sorry, I probably sound crazy. I-I swear, I'm not trying to—"

"I believe you."

Her mouth halted mid-sentence, hanging open as she stared at him.

"I believe you, Marinette," he repeated, giving her shoulder another squeeze. He didn't need any further detail to know what happened, as there was no way Marinette would take down those pictures and then put them back up the next day, or even the day before that. It didn't make any sense, and while he hadn't seen the wisps of fate move things or brush them aside, he had seen them trip Marinette, meaning they had some level of physical control. It explained it all: the convenience of the pictures appearing and disappearing, as well as the amount of them there'd be.

"T-thank you," she murmured, her lips briefly moving to form extra words but nothing coming out. She looked shy, possibly from admitting something she hadn't told anyone before, but she at least wasn't so nervous anymore.

"You don't need to thank me," he assured, "but you're welcome. Just know that you can tell me anything."

She ducked her head, peeking up at him to ask, "How much do you want to know?"

"Whatever you're comfortable sharing with me," he replied.

"Everything?" She'd said it quickly, as if she'd blurted it out, but she didn't panic afterward. She merely looked at him, hope in her eyes.

He nodded without hesitation, wanting her to be certain that he meant it. She searched his gaze for a few more seconds, one last shred of doubt remaining, but he knew he'd convinced her when her body relaxed and she smiled at him with her whole heart. Her grip on his wrist lightened, her hand sliding off and back down to her side. He pulled back as well, his heart a mixture of emotions but mostly just happy to see her happy.

"I..." She turned away, facing her trapdoor. "I'm going to get some snacks first."

He watched as she pushed herself up, then stood as well to follow after her. "Do you want any help carrying them?"

She looked at him, confused. "You don't have to."

Instead of responding with the obvious - that he wanted to - he simply replied, "You're not alone anymore, Marinette."

He didn't need to elaborate for her to understand. He let himself get lost in the warmth of her gaze, hoping that he might see it more one day if he could ever get her string removed, even if her warm gaze would end up being for someone else.

[madmaddyenby]

/rp /dsmp

ok so- c!tommy. we are all aware he’s traumatized, and experiences ptsd from being in traumatic experiences, this is basically fact.  while i’d like to talk how c!tommy experiences ptsd, i’d like to bring up a thing i haven’t seen mentioned a lot when it comes to c!tommy and his trauma- c-ptsd.  also known as complex-ptsd.   it occurs when someone experiences something traumatizing for a period of time.

[image description: A screenshot of text with the words “CPTSD stands for Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is a mental health condition in which a person might experience intense PTSD symptoms that coincide with other mental issues. CPTSD occurs in people who have been subjected to on going traumatizing experiences”. end description]

which, as we know, the exile arc fits the description of “ongoing traumatizing experiences” pretty fucking well.  the exile was basically just two weeks of trauma.  for a lot of reasons too, there was dream abusing tommy, tommy being isolated, tommys own depression/suicidal thoughts/bad mindset in general.   this would all be considered a ongoing traumatizing experience(s).  

ptsd is very similar to c-ptsd in how it develops, but ptsd occurs after one singular traumatizing event . (by the way, the event doesnt have to be life or death, it could be something like witnessing or hearing about a shocking event!!!)

symptoms of c-ptsd overlap with ptsd a good lot of the time, due to them both being trauma disorders.  however, there are a few differences.  here r some symptoms of c-ptsd, alot of which are ptsd symptoms that alot ofpeople with c-ptsd experience as well

reliving the traumatic experience

avoiding certain situations 

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

hyperarousal (jitteriness, being on alert, etc)

somatic symptoms (physical symptoms with no underlying cause)

lack of emotional regulation 

change in consciousness

negative self-perception

difficulty with relationships

distorted reception of abuser

loss of system of meanings

now, i’ll go over which of these fit our boy c!tommy, and how they fit for some of them atleast.  i will only be talking about the things that are a result from c-ptsd, but also c-ptsd works where it coincides with other mental illnesses a person has so.  its also important to note that within a person these symptoms might not stay the same over time, and not everyone who has c-ptsd or ptsd is going to experience it the same.   (so not talking abt how pain affects him after dying in the prison, though that is a clear sign of ptsd) 

reliving the traumatic experience

tommy’s done this with exile a few times, when revisiting logstedshire, when he saw the craters in logstedshire, when visiting dream in prison, when during the disc finale dream dug the hole and told him to put his armour in, etc etc, he’s even described himself as being trembly in the fingers near plain biomes, while visting logsted he mentioned how shaky it made him to be there, and when he visited logsted one time he had an immediate reaction to seeing a hole in the ground that came off as him reliving it. flashbacks come in from sensations during a traumatic event, like sight, feeling, emotion, etc, etc.  it seems like with these he’s experiencing more of a reliving the emotions kind of thing. 

avoiding certain situations 

i was originally not gonna include this one, but thinking about it, he kind of does in a way.   this symptom also includes keeping yourself preoccupied to avoid thinking about it, which is something c!tommy seems to do alot.  with focusing on building the hotel, and doing tasks, or grinding for supplies instead of actually thinking about it.  

changes in beliefs and feelings about yourself and others

c!tommy uh. does this a lot.  a lot of it stems from how during exile tommy was isolated and made to believe no one cared for him, and even if that wasn’t true c!tommy never really got much closure on that.  hes not really trusting ppl that b4 were really close to him, tubbo n ranboo for example

lack of emotional regulation

this can also be described as uncontrollable feelings.  this is the one i’ve wanted to talk about the most i think- because this is really fits c!tommy.  he tends to lash out alot, for example burning the flower c!ranboo gave him, there are a bunch more examples of this that include him yelling at others, that one time when he spleefed c!jack 

negative self-perception

yeah.  theres a few examples of this one, the one that first comes to mind is that time during the green festival where he was talking about how he was worse than everyone he didn’t wanna be (including his abuser, c!dream...) .  theres now when he was building his tower by the prison when he was saying he couldn’t use the cobble because it was too him, and people didnt like the cobble. alot of this i think comes from c!dream making him feel basically worthless in exile :(

difficulty with relationships

  Yeah. um.  Alot for this one!!! The first to come to mind is c!tubbo.  c!tommy and c!tubbos relationship is very very wonky, especially considering recent events with tommy feeling like he is being replaced with c!ranboo.  (which he isnt by the way! he just feels as though, which is a valid feeling for him to have :]) .  another person that comes to mind is c!ranboo.  he’s even mentioned how his and ranboos relationship goes back and forth quite alot.  its not very surprising to see that he has difficulty with relationships especially considering a lot of the reason that the exile affected him so badly was because he felt so alone and was so isolated from his friends.  another thing that comes to mind, is when he made c!sam sign that contract promising hat he’d be his best friend and protect him.  theres most likely way more that can be said here, but this is the first stuff that comes to mind.  

distorted reception of abuser

um... yeah.  this one.  this can also be described as , “ becoming preoccupied with the relationship between you and your abuser. It can also include preoccupation with revenge or giving your abuser complete power over your life. “  which is um.  yeah.  c!tommy.  he’s mentioned how whenever he’s around c!dream he feels like hes conditioned to be his friend (which. yea . he was .).  right after he left logstedshire this was very very prominent, he was the biggest c!dream apologist around (/j), saying things like “dream didnt do anything wrong” and even explaining how he wasnt sure about things when it comes to c!dream, that his mind became flip floppy whenever he thought about him.   right now, hes focused on getting back at c!dream, not fully for revenge, mainly for his friends and how he doesnt want c!dream to go around killing and reviving everyone, but the point still stands.  (this all makes me extra sad because he had gone to the prison the second time in the first place to get closure :(( )

loss of system of meanings

Systems of meaning refer to your religion or beliefs about the world.  This can also refer to getting a strong sense of hopelessness or despair about the world, which as of late mainly c!tommy seems to have.  mainly referencing in his stream where he visited dreams bunker, he was asking what the point was of finding things that made him happy if dream was just going to get out the prison and destroy it.  theres also a few things that also go with this, in one stream while he burnt down ponks lemon tree for sam nook he said  "thats still decaying, but yknow, arent we all." and that one time when he gave that hotel invitation to c!techno he was like “ahahha we could die tomorrow anyway” 

-

its also important to note that, “Any type of long-term trauma, over several months or years, can lead to CPTSD. However, it seems to appear frequently in people who’ve been abused by someone who was supposed to be their caregiver or protector. “ Which is.. fairly accurate in c!tommy’s situation.  c!dream might’ve not been a caregiver or protector necessarily but he was still someone that was looking after him yknow? 

there are most likely more things than what i layed out that show that c!tommy most likely also has cptsd, however this is just the stuff that i thought up :] add to the post if you’d like to!

(also this isn’t saying that c!tommy doesnt have ptsd, he had both ptsd and c-ptsd. also i am not an expert about ptsd, cptsd, or mental health in general, if i got any information wrong let me know)

[leossmoonn]

Second Chance

masterlist

pairing - carl gallagher x fem!reader

type - fluff, lil angst

note / request - “hi! can we get a carl x reader during like season 10. they were together in the past and they broke up, but hang out everyday. but carl still likes her so he tries getting her back.” this is so trash lmao, but enjoy!

summary - you and carl dated a while back, but now are just friends. he spends the day with you, hoping to win you back

warnings - language, underage drinking, suggestive content but no real smut

————

*gif isnt mine* 

“Hey, C-Bear!” You called out.

“‘Sup, Y/n/n!” Carl smiled at you. You ran up the stairs of his porch and gave him a tight hug.

“How was Florida?” Carl asked once you pulled back.

“Hot as shit, but fun. How was Chicago?” You asked a giggle.

“Same old,” he shrugged.

You looked at your best friend and smiled. “So, what’re we gonna do today? It is the last day of summer.”

“I was thinking of just hanging out here. It’s too hot to do anything,” Carl shrugged.

You nodded, “Sounds good.”

You two walked into Carl’s house. You saw Franny on the couch with Debbie.

“Hey, Debs. Hi, Fran-Fran!” You squealed and went over to Franny.

“Y/n!” Franny exclaimed.

“How have you been, squirt?” You asked the little girl, picking her up in your arms.

“Good,” she smiled widely. “Good,” you smiled.

Carl looked at you while talking to Franny, absolutely mesmerized.

You and Carl had dated the previous summer. You two had a good run. You lasted for 6 months before Carl had met a girl named Anne at his job. You noticed him slipping away slowly everyday. It broke your heart and you knew that you had to end it. Carl obviously didn’t realize he was falling in love with someone else, so you sat him down and told him you were breaking up with him. It hurt like a bitch for you, but you knew it was for the best so you wouldn’t end up getting more hurt in the end. You handled it maturely, telling him that you two could still be friends no matter what. You two were friends way before you dated, anyways. 

Carl handled it differently, though. He was angry at you for accusing him for falling in love with another girl. He cursed at you, stormed out of your car, and didn’t talk to you for 2 weeks. You missed him, but you were kind of thankful he left you alone. 

In those 2 weeks, you were able to rediscover your self worth. You managed to convince yourself that Carl was just like every other guy at your age; stupid. You knew you were hot shit and if he didn’t want you, then that was his loss. 

Even though you said this to yourself everyday, the hurt feelings didn’t stop. It took you a good 2 months to stop thinking about Carl and Anne together, him possibly cheating on you while he was on the job. You finally got over all the anxious thoughts and were happier now. You’d never admit it, but you were still in love with Carl, and you knew that he was the one, but the one that got away. 

Those 2 weeks for Carl were absolute hell. He missed you so much and started to pull away from Anne. Pulling away from Anne made him realize that you were right. That he was slowly falling in love with another woman, but he also realized that he loved you more. He took those 2 weeks to straighten himself up. He did pep-talks with himself, had his brothers help him out in what to do. They gave him hell for letting you go. Even they knew you were the one for him and reminded him of it everyday.  

Carl called you up after those two weeks and you agreed to try and be friends. It was hard for the first month, for both of you. You two were quiet and awkward when you hung out. You wouldn’t even hug him goodbye when you left his house, much less a high-five. But, it gradually got easier. You two saw each other more and fell into a comfortable rhythm, which consisted of you ignoring your feelings of love for him, and Carl acknowledging his feelings for you, always thinking of ways to get you back, but none of them working out. 

Now it was a year later and you two were back to being best friends like you were before you started dating. You had pushed the feelings you had for Carl away so much, it was barely there anymore. It was the opposite for Carl, he was still so deeply in love with you. So now that it was the last day of summer, he had planned to spend the whole day with you, try and woo you and get you back. 

“Are you hungry?” Carl asked, grabbing back your attention. 

You nodded. “Starving.”

“I think we have some cookies we can bake, right Debs?” Carl asked his sister. 

“I think so. We also have decorating icing, too,” Debbie said. 

“Great! What kind of cookies do you guys have?” You asked, going over to the kitchen.  “Just chocolate chip, I think. Maybe sugar cookies?” Debbie said. 

You hummed and looked in their fridge and found two rolls of chocolate chip and sugar cookies. 

“Found ‘em!” You exclaimed excitedly. 

Carl went into the kitchen with you, smiling at the happy expression you had on your face.

“Help me put them on a tray?” You asked. 

Carl nodded and went next to you. He took the sugar cookie roll and broke it into pieces. Debbie walked over to the kitchen, taking a seat, wanting to catch up with you.

“So, why did you guys do in Florida?” Debbie asked. 

“Went swimming, went to Universal Studios. We went to a lot of nice restaurants. I met a few cute guys there, too,” you smiled. 

“Ooh, really?” Debbie smirked. “Any that stuck?”

“This one kid named Josh. We played volleyball on the beach for a while. He told me he liked my swim suit,” you smirked. 

“Did you two hook up,” Debbie asked.  

Carl tensed at her words. He hoped you would say no. You weren’t like someone to jump into things like that so fast. Sure, you had a few boyfriends before Carl, but he knew that you took time in getting to know him. Plus, your first time was with him. 

“Nah. I’m pretty sure he had a girlfriend. There was a girl on the beach that kept glaring at me and hanging onto his arm. I even saw them kiss a few times,” you snorted. 

“Wow, he sounds like an ass,” Debbie said. 

“Yep. That’s why I rejected his kind offer to fuck,” you laughed.

“Atta girl,” Debbie gave you a high-five. 

“Yeah, I didn’t really feel like becoming the talk of the town or whoever those people lived,” you chuckled. 

"It’s good you said no,” Carl chimed in. 

“Oh, yeah, why? Besides the obvious,” you raised a brow. 

“Because it’s not you to hook up randomly,” Carl said. 

“Are you implying I’m a prude,” you chuckled. 

“No, no. I just... you waited until we dated to fuck, I-”

“Yeah, yeah,” you cut Carl off. You moved to put the cookies in the oven. Carl couldn't see it, but you were very flustered.

Him mentioning your romantic past brought up memories. These memories were the ones you didn’t mind remembering. They just made your legs weak heart swell. 

Carl was right, you did wait until you two were dating to have sex. You wanted it to be special and even though you two were just friends at the time, before you two were dating, you knew that sex with him would be special. And to your delight, it was. He was gentle, sweet, loving. He payed attention to you the whole time. It was one of the things you knew would live in your memory forever. 

“You waited?” Debbie asked. “Yeah,” you stood back up and shrugged. 

“Wow, I wish I had your self control,” Debbie snorted.

“It wasn't about self control. It was just knowing who was right for me,” you said. Your gaze fell on Carl as you said those words. 

He had a small on his face, to which you returned. Your heart fluttered at the sight, which made you avert your gaze immediately. Even though you didn’t mind the memories, you did mind the feelings they and him brought. As much as you hated to admit it, a part of you was still attracted to him. 

That part of you was the one you constantly had to push away. You had to remind yourself what he did. How he fell in love with another girl. How he let go someone good, kind, so loving and supportive. You knew if you let that other part of you invade your mind and feelings, you would be in his bed making out with him and possibly getting hurt, which was something you didn’t want. 

“How long do these have to bake?” Carl asked. 

“Like 15-20 minutes,” you said. He nodded and put his tray in the oven. 

“Wanna watch a movie?” Carl asked. 

“Sure,” you nodded. 

“I’m gonna go and meet Claudia. Watch Franny for me?” Debbie asked. 

“I’d love to!” You smiled. You loved Franny. She was such an easy and good kid to watch. She took care of herself, too, so all you had to do was make her food whenever she was hungry.

“Great, thank you. I’ll see you guys later!” Debbie smiled and left the house. 

“Franny, do you wanna watch a movie with us?” You asked the little girl. 

“Yeah!” She smiled. 

“Great! What movie do you want to watch?” You asked. 

Carl smiled at you as you talked to Franny. Seeing you play with Franny was one of the things that made him fall in love with you. Seeing a girl good with kids was attractive as hell. 

“She wants to watch Sleeping Beauty,” you said and walked over with Franny to the couch. 

“Alright. I’ll put in the DVD,” Carl said. 

“Thanks,” you smiled.

He smiled back at you and nodded. You sat on the couch, Franny sitting next to you. Carl walked back to the couch and groaned internally. He was planning on sitting next to you so you could lay your head on his shoulders whenever you go tired, which was something you did during every movie you two watched together. But now you couldn’t do that because Franny was sitting in the middle. 

“What’s wrong, C-Dog?” You noticed his annoyance. 

“Nothing. I’ve just watched this movie a billion times,” he sighed. 

“That's what you get for having a little child in the house,” you chuckled and turned your attention over to the movie. 

About 20 minutes in the movie, the oven beeped, singling that the cookies were done. 

“Franny, do you want to decorate cookies or watch the movie?” You asked while getting up. 

“I wanna watch the movie,” she said. 

“Alright, kid. Don’t cause any trouble in here. Aunt Y/n and Uncle Carl will be in the kitchen,” you said and patted her head. 

She giggled and you left to go to the kitchen with Carl. 

“You’re really good with her,” Carl complimented you. 

“Thank you. I have two little brothers, so I’ve learned a thing or two about kids. You just gotta treat them like adults, but also make sure they know they’re boundaries. Franny is such a good kid, though, she doesn’t need a lot of boundaries or rules,” you explained. 

Carl nodded. “Oh, yeah. How are Lucas and Lyle?”

“Trouble,” you chuckled. Carl laughed with you. “I bet not as much trouble as I was when I was little.”

“Hm, true,” you giggled, recalling memories of when you two were in elementary school. 

“You’ve shaped up good, though. Military school helped with that,” you complimented. 

“Thank you. You’ve always been good. Even when we broke up,” Carl remarked. 

You met his eyes. A frown was plastered on your lips. “Thank you. I try not to be sour and shit. I know it gets me nowhere.”

“Yeah, I learned that the hard way,” Carl sighed, referring two his 2-week temper tantrum. 

You gave him a kind smile. “It’s alright. I’m glad we stayed friends, though.”

Yeah, friends, Carl thought in dismay.

He put on a fake smile though. “Me, too.”

You went over to the cupboard and got out some decorative icing that you found. You put them on the kitchen counter and picked up a sugar cookie. 

“What’re you gonna put on yours?” You asked. 

“A penis,” Carl said. 

You rolled your eyes, but laughed. “I take back what I said about you shaping up.”

Carl laughed with you,  “Hey! Not fair. You asked me and I responded honestly.”

“True,” you giggled. You squirted some icing on Carl’s face, irrupting into a fit of laughter when it got all over the left side of his face. 

“And I take back what I said about you always being mature!” Carl exclaimed, squirting some icing on you. It landed on your collar bone. Carl eyed the bare skin, licking his lips, wishing he could lick it up. 

You noticed his stare. Your heart couldn’t help but race. You felt yourself start to get sweaty under your armpits. You averted your gaze and got a towel to wipe the icing off. Carl grabbed the towel out of your hands. 

“Here, let me,” Carl offered. “I was the one to make the mess.” You rolled his eyes. You knew this was one of his ways of trying to flatter you and kiss you. You let him, though. You would never admit it to anyone, but you liked when he did these things. Not so much because he was still pining over you, but it reminded you of how much of a caring boyfriend he was. 

You leaned against the counter while Carl wetted the towel. He gently wiped the icing of your collar bone. Your heart skipped a beat as his fingertips brushed lightly over your skin. His face was abnormally close to yours, too. He was crouched down and looked up to you every so often. It made your stomach flip. It reminded you of when he ate you out, looking up at you with his lips glistening. You averted your gaze, feeling warmth spread between your legs. 

Carl was taking an annoyingly long time. You sighed heavy, hoping he would be done soon because if not, you would just end up kissing him. To your releif, he backed away from you, throwing the towel in the sink. He got another towel to wipe his face off.  

Even though you looked relieved on the outside, your heart was begging for him to comeback and be close to again, to tease you. 

“Did you like that?” Carl asked, smirking at you. 

“No, you were very slow,” you lied. Carl frowned at you and looked away. You felt bad, but you didn’t say anything.

“Let’s finish the cookies so Franny can eat some,” you said. 

Carl nodded. You two decorate the cookies in silence. You put them on plates, bringing them into the living room. 

“Here, Franny,” you said and put one of the plates on the table. You sat back down, Carl following slowly after you. 

You took a few cookies, giving Franny two and keeping two for yourself. 

“Thank you,” Franny said. 

You gave her a sweet smile. “You are very welcome.”

Carl took a couple cookies and slumped back on the couch. The tension between you two was thick. It hadn't been like this for a while, but you knew to just let it subside until you felt ready to talk again. Luckily, the movie was still going, so you had an excuse to not converse. By the end of the movie, Franny had fallen asleep. Her head was on your lap and the rest of her body was on Carl’s. When the movie was done, Carl helped you carry Franny back up to Debbie’s room. You two tucked her in and went back downstairs. 

You went back into the kitchen, grabbing two beer bottles for Carl and you. 

“Thanks,” Carl said when you handed him a bottle. 

You hummed in reply and sat back down on the couch. You turned on the TV, switching to re-runs. Carl sat next to you, leaving lots of space in-between you two.  

“How is everyone else doing?” You asked. 

“Good. Lip and Tami have Freddy and Ian has Mickey,” Carl said. 

“Wow, everyone is shacked up, huh?” You asked. 

“Yeah, even Debbie. She gets mad money, too,” Carl chuckled. 

“It’s weird the way the world works,” you remarked, half paying attention to Golden Girls. “Have you met any girls this summer?” You asked, your stomach flipping thinking about his answer.

“A few, but I’m not really interesting in dating,” Carl shrugged. 

You turned to him, fully surprised. “Carl Gallagher, not interested in dating? I think the world is ending.”

Carl chuckled, “I’m just not interesting in dating the girls I met.” Carl scooted closer to you while saying those words, putting a hand on your thigh. 

Your heart pounded against your ribcage. Carl was getting closer and closer to you. You didn’t move, though. You liked his touch and being in his vicinity. 

“Who are you interested in dating?” You whispered. 

Carl’s eyes burned into yours. They drifted down to your lips and back up to your eyes. Your body shivered and butterflies shot down your whole body. You found yourself moving closer to him, putting your hand over his. 

“You,” Carl spoke. 

You looked into his eyes deeply. You could tell he meant what he said. The look on his face was almost enough for you to kiss him, but you pulled away. His hand slipped off your thigh. You stood up off the couch, putting on your shoes. 

“I should go. It’s late and my parents are probably wondering where I am,” you said, avoiding eye contact. 

“No, stay. Your parents know where you are and probably aren’t worried. You always stay over,” Carl protested. 

“I’m tired, anyways. Plus, Lucas and Lyle probably miss me,” you made up more excuses and went  to the front door. 

Carl ran to you and put his hand on your arm. 

“Stay, Y/n. I’m not letting you go this time,” Carl said. 

You turned to him, tears in your eyes. “I don’t love you anymore, Carl, not like that.”

“I know you’re lying. I’m not as dumb as people think, okay? I see it in your eyes. I notice you breathing heavily when I come close to you. I know you still love me. I still love you. I’m still in love with you,” he confessed. 

“Listen, Carl,” you sighed. “I know you want to make it up to me, I appreciate it, but I’m not letting myself get hurt again.”

“I know I hurt you, Y/n. I’m so sorry for what I did. I’m stupid as shit. It hurts me every fucking time I see you. It hurt me so much to see you cry because of me. I do want to make it up to you, but I also want you back. I need you, Y/n. Please, give me a chance. I need you so fucking bad,” Carl pleaded. His voice broke and tears shined in his eyes. 

You shook your head. “I said I don’t love you anymore! Let me go!” You shouted. You wanted so desperately to get out of the house because you knew if you stayed, you would end up kissing him. 

“No,” Carl said. With that, he pulled you into his arms and crashed his lips on yours. 

With Carl’s arms wrapped around you, holding you tight, and his soft lips on yours, you could’t help but finally give in. You melted into the kiss, putting your hands on the nape of his neck, playing with his hair. Carl slammed you against the wall, his fingertips digging into your sides. The kiss was fast, rough, passionate. 

You were so glad that you gave in. You missed this feeling more than you would ever admit.

Carl pulled away, putting his hand on your cheek. His thumb ran across your bottom lip. His eyes stared into yours. 

“Give me another chance. I promise I won’t hurt you again,” Carl promised. 

You sighed and nodded. You knew he had good intentions, and that he was the one for you. “You better not. Or I will beat you up.”

Carl smiled, pulling you into another deep kiss. 

————

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Congrats on 3k!! SO its canon that Osamu loves onigiri n even opens his iwn shop in the future, I want to request a scenario where Osamu meets this girl who chill n nonchalant n loves onigiri(n all food!) just like him and isnt interested in him like all the other fangirls yk n hes just slowly falls in love yk hehe (set in high school pls!) Thank you!! I love ur blog!

Aight bet- I’m finally working on this piece skfkjdsfkjsdf

Genre: Fluff, one-shot 

Warning(s): mild cursing, mild nsfw themes at the end 

Foodie. (Osamu Miya) 

- the one in which your love for food perks Osamu Miya’s interest- 

-----------------------------------------

“Whoaa, Samu- why so much today?” Suna sweat drops at the sight of his friend’s lunch box as the gray-haired boy runs a hand through his fringe, shrugging lightly as his friend pulls up a seat to eat lunch with him at his desk. Breaking his chopsticks apart, his voice falls to a casual tone. 

“Took ‘Sumu’s.” 

“Why would you take your brother’s if you have the opportunity to get like six bentos a day?” Suna poked a straw into his juice, tilting his head with a lazy smirk. 

Osamu visibly shuddered, pretending not to see the group of girls peering around the corner and into his classroom, knowing better. The first time he had accepted a bento from any of them, it had obviously been store-bought and rearranged to make hearts and such. The gesture would have been ignored and eaten if he didn’t find a few stray hairs in the octopus weiners, and the thought of someone’s hands rearranging perfectly good food made him queasy.

“I wish ‘Sumu’s rejects didn’t come to me.” Osamu mumbles, and Suna chuckles lightly, setting down his juice before peering to his right at the classmate who had settled back down in her seat from having her lunch in the courtyard. 

“Oi, Y/N-san. That looks good.” 

“You want the rest?” You offer, having made too much onigiri the night before, stopping the movement to put the lid atop your bento. You were done with it anyways, and the leftovers usually got put in the fridge to be forgotten about. 

Suna glances at the onigiri, shrugging before taking the two left in the box as you smile cooly at his thanks, putting in your earbuds before laying your head on your desk to catch some much-needed shut eye before class resumed. 

Osamu looks up, not really paying much attention to Suna’s interaction, with a now cleaned out bento-box as his dark eyes land on the now outstretched onigiri in Suna’s hand. The middle blocker shrugs, eating the pointed top of the onigiri with a content look on his face: it was good. 

“Where’d you even get that?” Osamu’s voice was on edge as Suna rolls his eyes, pressing the ball of rice further. 

“Some place safe, I promise. If you weren’t too absorbed in your food you would know.” 

Osamu looks at the onigiri in his hand warily, seeing there were at least no hairs on it before sighing and taking a cautious bite. Onigiri was something he loved most, and he hoped taking this mystery rice ball wouldn’t ruin his- 

wait. 

Suna swore he could see stars in his friend’s eyes as Osamu took a second, larger bite, snapping his head up to meet Suna’s what the hell expression. 

“Where did you even get this?” He repeated his last question, staring at the onigiri as if it had to be sheltered, protected, and loved under his care as Suna lazily finishes his last bite. 

“Tuna mayo. I used special seasoning in the rice when I formed them.” You interrupt, yawning with a stray headphone out of your ear. “Turned out good, no?” 

“Oh. I’m not interested in dating right now, sorry.” 

The beat of silence that followed Osamu’s blunt sentence was heavy, and you amusedly look at Suna, who had the bridge of his nose pinched between his fingers. 

“Oh. What a shame.” The teasing tone filled your voice as Osamu arched an eyebrow, and you glance at the slightly glaring group of girls before connecting the dots. Still, you couldn’t really find the meaning in explaining that his assumptions were surely not the case, settling for sticking your headphone back in and resting your head back on your desk. 

Suna sighs as Osamu blinks, realization dawning onto him. 

“Wait...she wasn’t-” 

“No. She wasn’t. Idiot.” 

The bell rang as Suna got up to return to his desk, and Osamu Miya casts a glance at the girl who sat next to him, tiredly pulling her earbuds out again to listen to the next lecture. A part of him wanted to apologize, but the thought of that had sent an unexplainable heat to the tips of his ears. 

Instead, he rummages in his bag-

and you blink when a can of coffee hits the corner of your desk with a slight tap, Osamu pulling his notes out as if he hadn’t in the first place. He sits forward, feeling your confused stare as he flips open his notebook. 

“For the onigiri.” 

-------------------------

“Again? Another one?” 

“Don’t act like you don’t get them too.” Osamu sighs to his brother, shifting the letters around in his shoe locker to get his actual shoes. “This is all your fault, anyways.” 

“The little pigs never learn, do they?” Atsumu grins, and his twin rolls his eyes at the brashness of his words as Atsumu’s shoulder touches the lockers. “You coming to practice today?” 

“Do I have a choice?” 

“Nope.” Atsumu pops the p, spinning on his heel. “I’m going ahead, sweet brother of mine.” 

“Bite my ass.” Osamu replies evenly, shoving the letters deeper into his locker.

“No, mine is better. Thanks for the offer though.” 

The wing-spiker runs a hand through his silver hair, seeing out of the corner of his eye a group of girls hyping up the girl in the middle, looking in his direction as he witholds a sigh. He didn’t hold the brashness of his brother, but he did get tired of the endless confessions sent his way, based soley on his looks- nothing else. 

His mental preparation for rejecting her was interrupted when a hand reaches out, and dark eyes widen slightly when you lean into him, your hand resting on the area of the side of his body. Osamu arches a brow at your easy smile as your face remains inches apart from his own. 

“What are you doing?” 

“Give it...twenty more seconds.” You reply, and Osamu blinks in utter confusion, about to ask what the absolute hell you’re talking about before a series of footsteps run away, a few whimpers in the mix as you pull back abruptly. 

“They’re gone.” You say, opening up your own shoe locker before slipping the pair out casually. “Sorry if that made you uncomfortable, hope it was at least better than having to deal with another crying girl.”

Osamu remains silent as you tap the point of your shoe against the ground twice before glancing at him, slinging your bag over your shoulder. 

“You don’t have to be so...emotionless about it, you know? A simple apology afterwards would be enough. But hey, you don’t have to listen to a stranger.” You wink, waving backwards. “Sorry again, I thought I’d thank you for the coffee. It woke me up, Miya-san.” 

Your footsteps stop when he finally speaks. 

“...Osamu.” 

You glance back in surprise. 

“You can call me Osamu.” 

“Y/N.” You smile a little, nodding your head before continuing to walk. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Osamu.” 

Osamu didn’t reply as you walked out of the school, watching from behind you as you untangled your headphones in the midst of walking-

not understanding the foreign feeling of being on the other side of a crush, usually being the one crushed on all this time.

-----------------------------------------------------

“Y/N, got any free food for me today?” 

“Suna, I swear-” 

Suna grins lazily at you as you cross your legs, rolling your eyes playfully as Osamu scoffs at the audacity of his friend. Today, you ate your lunch with the two boys in your classmates you had somehow grown closer to, ignoring the heated stares on the back of your neck. 

“I’ll trade you a tamago for a kaarage.” Suna says finally, and your eyes light up at the offer.

“Deal.” You say immediately, Osamu hiding the beginnings of a smile at your love for food behind his hand as he continues to eat. Suna easily swipes one of the pieces of chicken from your box, putting into his mouth before nodding as he chewed in appreciation for the flavor. 

The silver-haired middle blocker found himself not eating anymore when Suna held a rolled egg up to you on that same pair of chopsticks. You look at him strangely, and Osamu, the quieter one of you three, could only watch as you ate it anyways. 

“It’s good, right? I made it.” 

“Tell your mom I send her my regards.” You reply nonchalantly, and Suna groans at how easily you had figured out his lie before you notice that the quiet Osamu had somehow grown even quieter. 

Did...did you two just indirectly...?

You and Suna exchange glances, and the dark-haired boy simply shrugs before going back to his lunch as an idea pops into your head. 

“You want to try, Osamu? I won’t make you trade anything for it.” 

“Favortism, much?” 

The middle blocker feels his chest swell when you lift your own chopsticks up to him, grinning when Osamu’s spirits immediately lift. 

“You and food, it’s abnormal-” 

“Suna, no one likes your commentary.” You bite back, and you tilt your head slightly when Osamu takes your wrist, steadying your hand as he eats the kaarage at the end of your chopsticks.

You’re wide-eyed when he pulls back, chewing with the beginnings of a smirk on his features at the doe-eyed expression on your face. The place where his hand held was warm. 

“ S’ delicious as always. Thank you.” 

----------------------------------

The sky swirled with dark clouds forming over head as you looked up, frowning while tightening your hands on your grocery bags. Osamu glances at you, the light patter of rain hitting the pavement as you look at him guiltily. 

“Sorry ‘Samu, I shouldn’t have asked you to come shopping with me after school.” 

The unlikely friendship had developed to the point where you and Osamu were really good friends, the silver-haired boy even seeing you home on some nights after an unplanned hangout with Suna after their volleyball practices. 

You even called him ‘Samu, and he didn’t correct you. 

....In fact, he liked it when you called him that. 

“Mm. Yeah, you shouldn’t have.” 

“I hate you.” You pout, and Osamu puts a single hand atop your head, shrugging while smirking a little. 

“No you don’t. Got anywhere to be tonight?” 

“Nah, no one’s home right now.” You chewed on your lip, knowing Osamu was watching you as you stared at the coming rain. He knew you hated storms, and in all honesty wanted to get you somewhere safe with people as soon as he could. 

“Want to come to mine? ‘Sumu’s practicing extra and my parents are working.” 

“...are you sure?” You say in unease, and Osamu clicks his tongue before taking the bags from your hands and setting them down, shuffling in his practice bag for a second.

“Here. We’ll run to mine, it’s not far from here. Pull the hood all the way up.” 

“Awh, do you care about me?” 

Yes. “Nah, don’t get your hopes up.” 

Osamu watched as you slipped the oversized material over your head, coughing to hide the smile that came at the sight. 

“You’re telling me we’re going to run? In the rain?” 

“Do you want to protect the food you bought or not?” 

“...you’re right, let’s go.” 

-------------------------------------

He could definitely get used to this. 

Almost immediately, Osamu had shoved you into the bathroom after turning on the hot water, ignoring your whines about how you were fine before setting a folded pile of one of his shirts and sweatpants in front of the door. 

It felt comfortable, the pouring of the rain outside, as Osamu mixed broth in a pot while knowing you were here with him in the safety of somewhere he knew you’d be okay. Months of friendship hadn’t made him take any particular advances towards you, seeing as you hardly noticed his feeble attempts anyways. Suna’s advice to just go for it, rang in his ears, the silver-haired boy becoming so lost in his thoughts he doesn’t see you enter the kitchen. 

His breath hitches at the bareness of your legs, his shirt covering down your form to mid-thigh as he quickly returns his attention back to the pot. 

“I left pants there, you know. Real comfy.” 

“They don’t fit.” You shrug, approaching the sink. “Do you need me to wash the vegetables?” 

He merely nods once, fighting to keep his heart rate under control as you do so, continuing to bring the broth to a boil. Still, he physically liked the atmosphere of you here in his kitchen, wearing his shirt while making dinner. Your hair was damp and pushed to one side, and you hum a light tune to yourself as you begin to chop carrots. 

“My curry is going to knock your onigiri out of the water.” 

“I’m offended.” Osamu glares at you as you giggle, looking down at the final product after an hour. You offer him a bit of the broth on a spoon, rolling your eyes at the cautious look on his face when he sips it. 

A pleasant look crosses his face before he can stop himself, and you grin, not really thinking about it as you put the spoon in your mouth to get a taste for yourself. You cheer, jumping up and down cutely as Osamu leans against the counter, crossing his arms with a small smirk as you open up the rice cooker. 

“Man, wish Suna was here. We made way too much.” 

A spike of jealousy flits through his stomach as he watches you begin to plate the food, his jaw clenching. 

He wanted this. He wanted your banter, your cooking, your love for food, and your nonchalant personality.

 He wanted you. He wanted you with no risk of losing you to anyone else, no matter how platonic. 

Just go for it.

“Y/N.”  

“‘Samu, can you grab the-?” 

You never finished your question. 

Osamu took two wide steps across the kitchen, hand grabbing your waist to pull you into him tightly while his other hand rested against the counter top on your side. He gripped onto the stone countertop as he kissed you, roughly and impatiently, as you sigh into it as if you had been waiting for it. 

He deepens the kiss, his tongue slipping your lips as the hand on the counter moves to entangle in your hair. He uses his weight to lean into you, lifting you slightly to sit you on the counter as he stands between your legs, the smell of your clean skin filling his lungs in the now heated kitchen. 

When a sound slips your lips, he’s pulling back, wide-eyed at the fact that he had let every bit of pent up emotion spill out of him. You bite your slightly swollen lips, pulling him closer to you with your hand on the side of his neck. 

“It’s about damn time.” 

“Whatever.” Osamu says, the corner of his lips quirking up as he kisses down your neck sweetly, loving the way your bare legs tightened around him. All the sexual tension, every moment of heavy silence that seemed to say all the words he had feared to say, all combusted in this moment. 

“Samu?” You pipe up, pouting when his hand begins to slip up your thigh. 

“Hm?” 

“Can we eat first?” 

Osamu stares at you for a second before chuckling, resting his head on your shoulder as you kiss his temple. 

“Of course we can eat first. God, I love you so much.” 

----------------------------------------

General works: @takemetovalhalla @kasandrafaye @savemesteeb @dreebbles @yams046 @let-me-have-my-own-name @deadontheinsidebut @lifeisntjustblackandwhite @curiouslilbeast @aprettyfruit @wisepandaslimeland @h0ngh0ngh0ng @lmkjimin @therestless101 @orangegiraffe7 @dai-tsukki-desu @kac-chowsballs

[actualbird]

Hey there! I love reading your tot analysis, they are so insightful! Anyway, I just wanted to know your opinion on this one: Who do you think Rosa will end up with if we do not get to choose other male lead routes? Like, who has the greatest possibility of wooing miss attorney? I’d say Luke and Rosa is canon, but somehow I have this gut feeling that it’s prolly gonna be Vyn.

hi, anon!! im glad you enjoyed my tot analyses :DDD

as for your question, im probably the worst person to ask this HAHA. cuz my opinion is gonna sound like one hell of a copout:

any of them, all of them, none of them, and that depends

personally, i dont think it's really possible or fair for me to pick out and rank which ships have a greatest possibility of happening? idk, doesnt feel right to do, in my mind cuz it feels too much like saying certain ships are better than others and that isnt how i like to roll cuz Every NXX Boy has their pros and cons

for nxx boy/mc ships, i am huuuuugely biased towards luke/mc. still, luke is a WHOLLY FLAWED CHARACTER and thats "working against him" in a romance perspective. my friend kathleen once noted that vyn is the only nxx boy who mc doesnt have a "resistance" against (mc resists seeing romance between her and luke cuz luke is a best friend, same for artem but because hes her boss and work senior, same for marius cuz.....hes annoying, HAHAKJKBF) so that would give vyn the "greatest probability" points

but im using quotes for all this cuz it is all SO SHAKY LMAO.

since u brought up my analyses, i figure you were maybe wondering if theres a character analysis explanation for a certain ranking of Most Probable to Least Probable but.....again, doesnt sit right in my mind. maybe there is a character analysis that could happen here, but i cant do it, cuz itd hurt my heart!!

cuz i ship mc with any of the boys! each romantic relationship is so interesting to explore, especially in terms of how it develops

but i also ship her with all of them all at once sometimes! cuz i sometimes want a full 5 person nxx polycule and theyre all in love with each other

but i also also ship her with none of them sometimes! cuz i also enjoy seeing the team as an incredibly dedicated and completely platonic found family group

and it all depends kjbkHKSDBKFS. my multishipper heart which sometimes also sways to "wait, no ships actually, i want them all in a cuddle pile cuz legit friendship" would not rlly enjoy picking apart each nxx boy to see which one is The Inevitable One cuz itd involve me having to pit characters against each other, not my thing

in general, i dont vibe with the concepts of Most Good and Compatible For Relationship cuz compatibility is a sham anyway, it's about the work the involved parties put into the love they cherish and care for.

i also dont vibe the whole concept that romance is a competition with winners and losers. which........probably means i shouldnt be so obsessed with an OTOME GAME KABKJFAKSFS but alas!

uh. i rambled and i think i completely lost my point

tl;dr sorry i got no thoughts on this one!! someone else might, tho! jus not me

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

TMNT Headcanons

Ah shit, I'm at it again because this is my only current hobby

Y'all I can and will take requests on these if you want me to, I'm just doing these to give my brain the happy juice .

That being said, here you have it:

the boys realizing that you care and actually want to be their friend

Raphael

You wouldn't admit that you'd stalked him to the roof

Absolutely not, you wouldn't stoop that low

at least not that you'd tell him

From the looks of it he was pissed, Raph got a certain face that you eventually picked up as his 'my brothers were being dicks and now I'm not gonna have emotions but I'm gonna be angry about it' face

His shoulders would get all hunched and you could hear his dejected sighing from about seven miles away

So you opted to clamber to the rooftop, gear and all and drop into a crouch next to the temperamental terrapin

"you look like someone lit your favorite book on fire and forced you to eat cauliflower, what gives?"

"well hello to you too huh?"

"I'll take that as a yes then, you get in another fight with what's his name?"

He refused to look at you, letting out an angry huff

"somethin' like that"

You only let him sit in silence for another minute or so before opening your mouth again

"well you being pissed doesn't help me any. There's a gang meeting just up the street, drugs and illegal shit. Wanna tag along?"

Raph had the decency to look appalled. You were offering to hang out with him? Willingly?

Error 404: system has stopped working, plz try again later

He doesn't look at you now, not that he can see your face through the mask, a light blush creeps up his neck

"yeah. Yeah I'd like that. Lets go shorty."

"you got it princess"

Leonardo

He wasn't expecting you to care

The last fight you two had before he had to leave hadn't been resolved yet

But after his slip up during patrol he needed someplace to go so he wouldn't take his anger out on his family

And that's how he showed on your balcony at whatever ungodly hour of the morning

You'd barely pulled the window open before you saw his expression, you couldn't help but sigh

"leo what the actual fuck?"

"I'm really sorry about this, I just didn't know where else to go"

You really didn't want to feel bad but you did, and your feet were really fucking cold

"get your ass in here. You're letting the cold air in."

He settled easily on your couch, seemingly awkward and avoiding any eye contact with you.

You returned to the room with a bathrobe on, an extra pillow and an armful of blankets

"you can crash here for the night, im off tomorrow but don't wake me up before nine or I will stab you. Let me know if you need anything, I'm just down the hall. And we'll talk everything over in the morning, okay?"

He nodded with a sigh of relief

"thank you y/n. And I'm sorry"

You just shook your head with a smile

"I don't even remember what we were arguing about leo. And you hanging here isnt a big deal. I need friends anyway."

Your voice carried through the apartment as you retreated to your own room, letting him settle in

"now go the fuck to sleep, dumbass"

Michaelangelo

Mikey had no idea why you wanted to see him

Especially not with the urgency in your text

Technically speaking he wasn't even supposed to be out right now and he tried to ignore that as he sprinted further away from the lair

He was out of breath by the time he reached your window, the sun nearly gone and the street lights flickering to life

The turtle knocked twice on your window before coming in and yelling for you

"you good angelcakes?! Where're you at?"

There was a startling amount of crashing from your storage room, causing him to jolt slightly when you exploded out of the room with a huge smile on your face

"good you're here, sorry I used the emergency line but I knew you started patrol soon and I didn't want to forget to give you this"

And then you pulled out a tiny binder that reminded him of a scrapbook, however that definitely wasn't what it was because when he opened it multiple organized, clipped magazine recipes stared back at him

Mikey was confused™

At his expression you seemed to explode with a bubble of excitement you didn't know you were capable of

"I remember you telling me that you liked cooking but sucked ass at organizing so when I accidentally ended up getting bored this week I made that for you so you wouldn't have to organize it."

Definitely shorting out his brain

"dude I love it, don't get me wrong here, it's amazing. But uh- why?"

You raised an eyebrow at him, now also confused™

"oh uh- I figured you're kinda risking your ass coming out of your way to visit me so I thought I'd do something to thank you and that was the first thing that came to mind."

The boy is touched and has mentally vowed to die for you, you are too precious for this world

Donatello

Donnie never seemed to understand how you managed to read him in such a short time of knowing him

You swore it was all the reading, spending your childhood analyzing characters because you had no friends made you quite the people reader

So the second the turtle showed up to read with you that night your book became an afterthought

"you're upset. Does someone need to go into permanent night night?"

he'd literally been there for nine seconds and you were already calling him out

"uh no? I'm fine"

You rolled your eyes and resisted a great urge to clonk yourself on the head with your book

"okay that's a fucking lie. Dude you didn't even say 'whats up stranger' when you got here and you expect me to believe you're just fine? Yeah right. Did something happen? Do you need to talk about it?"

The poor guy didn't even get the chance to open his mouth

"say I'm fine one more time and Im adding the moon to my list of favorite planets"

He didn't know what he was expecting you to say but it definitely wasn't that and now he was fighting the urge to laugh

"are you really making fun of my planet knowledge right now? Not very cool of you man. I know at least 2 constellations. There's ursa major and ursa not as major right over-"

"you mean ursa minor?"

"THE MOON IS MY FAVORITE PLANET"

It might've started as a normal chuckle but in under half a minute it had dissolved into that ridiculously adorable snorting laugh he did that usually left him breathless, you laughed along with him, hanging your head and giggling as you did so

"thanks"

You shook your head, slightly dizzy from laughing so hard

"don't mention it. I don't like seeing you upset. Besides, you love it when I get all astrological, right?"

"uhhhhh..."

"this is the part where you lie to spare my feelings Donnie."

"yep. Love the astrological stuff. The best." *Plz insert awkward thumbs up here*

[miraculous-sunflower]

doing it for the views

Alya knew Lila was lying. Like come on, Jagged Stone never had a kitten, he had Fang, his crocodile! And why would you openly state that you are best friends with one of the Heroes of Paris? Lila was bad at lying. But Alya didn’t care. When she posted the interview she did with Lila, she got SO many views. More than anything else she had posted! Alya knew Lila had so many “connections” so this could be her big break, leading into her reporting career, even if Lila was lying. It wasn’t like anyone was going to find out...

“ALYA! SHE’S LYING! Why can’t you believe me? You’re my best friend!” Marinette cried. I know she’s lying, girl, but this is helping my career. If you knew, you’d understand. I’m sorry, but for now, I have to act like she’s telling the truth, Alya thought.

Alya took a breath and responded to her claim. “Marinette! She’s not lying! You’re just jealous because of how close she is to Adrien, and jealous of all her connections! You’ve got to stop!” All of their classmates agreed with her, brushing off Marinette’s attempts to warn them as jealousy.

Marinette gasped. She thought Alya was being ridiculous not believing Lila, but now including her crush on Adrien? Marinette broke. She was done being categorized as being mean because of Adrien! “Wow. I thought you’d believe me. But I guess I was wrong. All of you don’t believe me! Even my oldest friends.” She glanced at Nino and Kim, who looked away guiltily. “If you don’t believe me, fine. Believe the liar.” Marinette walked out of the room, just as Lila strolled in.

“I saw Marinette looking mad. Is she alright?” Lila asked in a faux sweet voice.

“She’s just being jealous of you because of Adrien. She’s so annoying!” Alix grumbled.

“I know! Can’t she be considerate of all of Lila’s disabilities?” Rose cried.

“Oh no, was she fighting with you guys about me? I can’t believe I’m wrecking your class apart! Maybe I should just leave...”

“NO! Lila it’s not your fault that Marinette can’t see how great you are! We are willing to sacrifice our friendship with her if it means sticking up for you.” Lila hid a smirk.

Alya couldn’t believe how low her class was. They just believed Lila over Marinette! They were playing with her feelings! How could they! ______________________________________________________________________________________

NO WAY. 10,000 VIEWS?! Alya though as she scrolled through the LadyBlog. She checked on the interview of Lila she posted, and BAM! 10,000 VIEWS! Alya loved to bask in compliments and fame, so she decided to look through the comments...

dolphinlover8726: ummm, this isnt true

ladybugxcatnoir: ladybug’s best friend? ha, as if

peterparkerfan_12: xd her lies are almost as bad as trump-

totally_ravenclaw: hold up, jagged stone never had a kitten...

miraculous_sunflower: this is false information. please take it down, ladyblogger

Many of the comments were like that, but who cares? Lila’s lies weren’t hurting anybody. Maybe I could wait until I got an internship. Then I could spin this whole story about how Lila was lying the whole time, and I, Alya Cesaire, aka the Ladyblogger, unveiled them! That would make me even more popular, Alya thought. Oh, she would get popular all right, just not in the same way... ______________________________________________________________________________________

“How was your day, Alya?” her mother asked. Alya, watching the news intently, was hoping for scoops of celebrity gossip.

“It was good,” she absently replied. Her eyes were glued to the screen as Nadja Chammack’s show had just appeared.

“Don’t be bemused! It’s just the News! This is Nadja Chammack on ‘Face to Face’. Let’s start off with our most recent story. The LadyBlog, which used to be a blog dedicated to the Heroes of Paris, has fallen. The Ladyblogger has been posting false claims about a girl, Lila Rossi, saying that she rescued Jagged Stone’s kitten, when he has never had one. Now, helping us clear the claim, joining us now is internationally-known rock star, Jagged Stone! Hello, Mr. Stone. “

“Hello, Nadja, and call me Jagged. Now, what’s about these stories I’ve been hearin’ about a girl saving my kitten?”

“Well, Jagged, it’s posted on the LadyBlog that this Lila Rossi has saved your kitten on an airplane turmar, as well as claiming that you’d written a song about her. Are any of these statements actually true?”

“Kitten?! Haha, that girl is a bad liar. I’ve never had a cat, only Fang ove’ here. And writing a song about her? That sounds weird. A 30-year old man writing a song for a 15-year old? I’ve only written a song for Ladybug, and that’s because of how awesome she is! ” Jagged responded.

“On the topic of Ladybug, Lila Rossi has also claimed that she is best friends with her. Any comments?” Nadja asked.

“There’s no way Ladybug would befriend someone like her! Whoever this Lila chick is, you’re a horrible liar, and the Ladyblogger has messed up a whole lot. Anyways, I got to go, love. Good-bye, all of my beloved fans!” Jagged waved dramatically.

“There you have it! The LadyBlog has indeed been posting false claims, and Lila Rossi is a liar! Next up on Face to Face, we have Mirelle Caquet joining us to talk about the hardships of being a weather girl! Stay tuned!” Nadja concluded. Alya went pale. _______________________________________________________________________

Alya went into class the next day, and sure enough, the class was eerily quiet. Lila looked like a ghost, her face as pale as a sheet. The whole class looked angry, sans Marinette and Adrien.

“Alya, you saw Face to Face yesterday, right?” Alix asked.

“She lied! Lila lied about everything!” Rose cried.

“Yeah, I did.” Alya replied calmly. She was going to explain the situation to her classmates, and of course they’d understand why she was doing this, and maybe they’d help her spin the story to make it seem like-

“WHY DIDN'T YOU FACTCHECK?” Alix yelled, clearly furious with the situation.

“Let me explain. Don’t get mad, but I knew Lila was lying,” Alix growled, and many other classmates gasped, “But hear me out. I only kept posting her lies on the LadyBlog because of the views. I knew if I wanted an internship, I’d have to do anything to start up my career. You guys understand right?” Alya obliviously said. “YOU’RE ALMOST AS BAD AS ADRIEN NOT KNOWING MARINETTE HAS A CRUSH ON HIM!” The class blurted out. Adrien looked shocked, and Marinette gasped and turned a shade of red that shouldn’t be possible.

“Whaaaa…” Alya was confused. What did she do?

“You could’ve warned us that they were lies, Alya!” Rose sniffled.

“You only thought about yourself, not us!” Mylene attacked.

“Guys, I was doing it to help my career! Also, it wasn’t like her lies were hurting anyone!” Alya retorted.

There was a period of silence, until a confident voice flowed through the classroom. “They hurt me,” Marinette said. She calmed down about the whole crush thing, but her face was still tinted with the slightest shade of pink.

“Lila threatened me the day she came back from her supposed trip. She said that she would take all my friends and make me lonely,” Marinette left out the part about Adrien, “And I guess she was right.” Marinette turned to a confused Lila. “Thank you, Lila. You’ve shown me that my friends don’t trust me. I now know who my real friends are.” She glanced at Adrien timidly, and was relieved when he sent a timid smile back. Long before Lila’s exposure on ‘Face to Face’, Adrien took back his “take the high road” advice as soon as he heard that Lila threatened Marinette. He tried to tell his classmates, but they’d never listen to him. He helped Marinette out as much as he could.

Marinette sat back down, but not in her usual seat. She went and sat next to Adrien, who looked at her, shocked for a second, then took her hand in his.

Everyone was shocked when they learned what Lila did to Marinette. Alya started, “Girl, I’m so sorry! If I’d known she -”

“It shouldn’t matter if you knew or not. You should’ve believed me, but you didn’t. Our friendship is broken. Permanently.” Marinette stated.

“WHAT?! WHY?!” Alya demanded.

Marinette sighed. Alya truly was oblivious to her actions. “First of all, you acted like you didn’t believe me, which hurt a lot. Second, you only acted like you believed her because you wanted views on your blog! You don’t get it, Alya! Your actions cost you consequences, and I’m not sure if you understand that.”

“Bu-but,” Alya tried to stutter out, but Adrien gave her a look that mimicked his father’s.

“Lila hurt us too. She gave us false promises. She told Kim that she knew Michael Phelps, and that she’d put a good word in for him. She told Nathaniel that she’d introduce him to that super famous manga artist in Japan.” Ivan pointed out.

The class understood Ivan’s point. Alya gasped. She never really thought about it that way. I mean, nothing hurt her!

“Marinette, we’re so sorry. We understand what our actions did to you, and we apologize. We understand that you’d want some space to yourself right now.” Alix said, and the rest of the class nodded.

Marinette smiled. “Thank you for understanding. While you’ve lost my trust in you, I’d like to build up our friendship again. Alya, on the other hand, I’d like to talk to you.”

The class smiled back, and sensing Alya’s anger, shuffled out of the classroom, with Adrien leading the way to leave the two girls alone to talk. Lila blinked, and also strolled out.

“C’mon, Mari! What did I do! You understand that I only pretended to believe her because of the views, right?!” Alya started out.

“Alya, you understand, do you? Lila hurt all of us. You made a bad decision not telling the class as soon as you found out, and now you’ve lost all their trust in you. You should have told me that you knew, and shouldn’t have been so selfish about your own career. I can’t forgive you for what you’ve done. And I don’t think I can ever build up our friendship again.” Marinette walked through the door frame.

“Goodbye, Alya.”

At that moment, Alya knew she messed up. She knew she lost the LadyBlog, and her reputation was damaged, but worst of all, she lost her best friend. She only did it for the views.

[thelovelyghostwriter]

Ranking the HxH guys in my Simping Tier: Countdown

Note: This is just for fun and lame-ass humour. You are free to like anyone in hxh and this tier doesn’t reflect how great the character is. It’s just a ranking based on how much I simp for them. 

14. Meruem

Okay. There’s a reason why Meruem is at the last list. He’s an ant. He’s not even fully human FML. Can’t believe people wanna fuck this teenaged mutant ninja ant. Can’t even say those people are a furry because this ant has no fur. It’s a no for me. 

13. Illumi

The Illumi simps are gonna hack me for having him too low. I find him cute and has really nice hair that can be for shampoo ads... but his eyes... it covers 70% of his face. It’s guppy eyes. It’s like he wore those coloured contact lenses that enlarges the eyes. 

12. Shalnark

OKay. Shalnark is cute. He’s really one of the most good looking guys in the series. However, I don’t know why but his personality is kinda “ehh”. He’s a little psycho who controls people with his phone, but somehow his personality is overshadowed by a lot of extreme characters with Hisoka. Also, I try not to get too attached to him because of what happens in the current arc. 

11. Kite

Okay. This is weird but... I find Kite more attracted when he’s a red-headed female ant right now. Okay. I know I went all like “MERUEM ISNT EVEN HUMAN” but female Kite LOOKS human. She has freckles and all that. It’s real cute. But I’d say he’s a little lower because he doesn’t really have that “oomph” personality so-

10. Pariston

Now, talk about a character with FABULOUS presentation of himself. Pariston shows himself off with extravagance. NOW, that’s a personality. He’s like one of those celebs that are just so extra like Lady Gaga that it’s amazing. I know he’s underrated in the simping world, but he’s essentially kinda like Hisoka (who has a big simping fandom), only he prefers to play with people’s minds rather than fight people. 

9. Tserriednich

You might be wondering, why the fuck is he here? Okay, first of all, he reminds me of Hannibal who is by the way, charming. And yes I mean it in the Mads Mikkelsen AND the Anthony Hopkins way. Makes me wanna his Clarice but I’d rather have Theta have that spot. Secondly, he’s a prince so being his bride is literally a dream come true. Thirdly, yeh, Tserriednich is actually very handsome. Nice blond hair and that facial beard. 

8. Gon

He’s quite low on the tier because I had always seen him as a cute green mini-Ging. Personality-wise, he’s really sweet and I can see a lot of girls liking him because he knows how to treat women respectfully. He can even handle the crazy ones like Palm. His alpha side came out during the Chimera Ant arc and his adult form is hella attractive. 

Jokes aside, this character is really amazing as an MC. It’s sad that he gets overshadowed but I believe he’s a pretty unique shounen MC because most of the time, a shounen MC doesn’t kill or has a pretty much black-and-white morality. Gon Freecss breaks that stereotype and he’s truly appreciated. 

7. Leorio 

Listen to me. This man is supposed to be the type of man you’re supposed to marry. Doctor, loyal, caring and funny. This man is the total package. I think the reason why he’s a little lower in my simp tier is because well... he’s the type of guy that I will go for in reality. In fiction, that’s where all my crushes for crazy guys should be. My simp tier is based on my heart, not brain. 

6. Killua

Okay. I was down bad for Killua when I was younger. DOWN BAD. So down bad that it was scary. I sort of got over him now. But what can you do? Killua is simped by a lot of teenaged girls or women who had a crush on him since the beginning of time. He’s fiercely loyal, has white hair and pretty blue eyes, is a fun mixture of mischief and seriousness. He’s the type of guy you can count on to get out of trouble and one to always treasure you. I do think that if I ever meet Killua though, that he’d bully me to oblivion. 

Okay, we’re at the top 5. From here onwards, some real NSFW simping words.

5. Hisoka

I kinda do understand Hisoka stans, but at the same time, I do not get them. Like him or not, he’s a very flamboyant character. He stands out of the crowd and he just have that unexplained charisma. 

He’s actually a really well-written character. He’s the balancing factor in the narrative of HxH. He’s like the joker in the deck of cards. Back to my simp tier, he’s very attractive ESPECIALLY with his hair down. There’s a certain aura that is addictive about him that I can’t pin-point. And for that, he earns my top 5 spot.

4. Feitan

I swear. This simping phenomenon actually manifested from Hiei. Yes, Feitan’s character blueprint, Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho. (The real OGs will know that Hiei is the character blueprint, not Levi). I know a lot of people compare him to Levi but let me explain why Levi and Feitan are alike: it’s because their character blueprint is Hiei. 

Anyway, Hiei is HOT. And to me, the hxh equivalent is Feitan, with a huge addition of sadism and emo-ness. Okay, that makes it even hotter. 

I have read some Feitan/Reader on AO3 and BOI. I enjoyed reading certain stuff that I never thought I would enjoy. I read a fic about Reader-chan getting whipped and basically all sorts of BDSM and OMG it’s heaven. 

“They say all good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you”

3. Chrollo

At first, I didn’t really care about Chrollo until he wore that tuxedo and let his hair down (Is it just me or a lot of hxh boys look good with their hair down?). HE LOOKS SO GODLY HOLY FUCK.

I’m 100% sure that his character blueprint for the hair-down is Koenma. He also gives me Tuxedo Mask vibes. Overall, such chivalry and handsomeness all in one man. Not to mention, that sexy sexy voice when he recites his fortune-telling. I would say he has the sexiest voice among all hxh guys. He is just that HOT and charismatic. I wanna see where he hid that Spider tattoo and scratch his back. 

2. Ging

Okay. Ging is hardly simp by girls. And I do not understand why?? He is motherfucking attractive. Even now. GAWD. I love him.

I think my attraction to him pre-started because he looks and acts SO much like my childhood crush Yusuke Urameshi from Yu Yu Hakusho. I know he’s an asshat but he’s a CHARMING asshat. Yeap, I said it. He is actually highly intelligent and just acts like a total haggard because he can. 

It’s not just when he’s young. I STILL think he’s hot even in his 30s. He’s not that old for me to me honest. I don’t care if he’s a decade older than me because I think that’s the appeal of it. I

It’s kinda sad that he’s not that popular because I need some Ging/Reader smut content. Like, I envisioned a smut fic where the reader is like in her 20s and is strangely attracted to Ging. He’s wildly confused over this but he’s seriously considering of tapping it because his old ass haven’t had any action lately. The other Zodiacs are also confused and are convinced that he must have given some sex pollen to the reader because who the hell is sane enough to be attracted to him? (But it’s just that you need some acquired taste to actually find this man alluring). He’s one of the most fuckable characters ahhh. 

And... for the last one...

Drumroll please....

1. Kurapika

Seriously, was there even a surprise. 

THIS MAN IS THE AKAKU GOD. He’s beautiful, he’s sexy and fucking dominant (yes, I say he’s domineering because do you see the way he throws a hot tantrum during the whole YorkNew arc, demanding shit from his enemies, taking charge of everything?) His chains drives me nuts. I love it when he gets angry. I know he’s kinky on the inside. When he wore that tuxedo... ooof. He looks hella fine. He’s the only guy in hxh that fulfills my ala Michael Corleone mafia boss kink. I want him to ^&*(%%%*%^ (to save myself from embarrassment, I self-censored) as we attempt to repopulate the clan and produce more scarlet eyed babies, as he whispers some real degrading and possessive shit in Kurta while he tells me what to do. AHHHHH. *bye gotta go write some kuraneon porn now byeee*

[scruffyssketchbook]

im glad your moving more towards comedy and doing what you love for the comic! personally I've always been a big "plot" fan- I just love that for a story that is seemingly so silly and funny and childish on the outside, it has layers and character development and tragedy, yet can still remain happy and upbeat and goofy and, well, stupid. I'm not sure if you've ever watched Centaurworld, but SSEC gives me similar vibes of a story about a tragedy that lives in a super comedic/"magical" world that balances the tragedy and comedy together instead of completing becoming one or the other.

personally, ive never thought of SSEC as depressing? never once, even on the most darkest pages, have I thought of it as depressing. "edgy," perhaps, but I liked that, because it was a silly kind of edgy. an edgy that is serious- these characters' emotions and stories are real to them and they have their bad days, their absolutely awful days, but they can still do silly things.

i mean, Harmony, Miku, Bow, and similar are all my favorite characters. i loved Miku for being (or at least acting/pretending to be) insane in a yandere, "kill-for-my-true-love" kind of way, but also knowing she was Sora and that she had this wonderfully tragic story and that she wasn't a two-dimensional joke character but someone capable of love and wanting love and who could genuinely be nice and sweet and timid. I loved Harmony for being absolutely miserable, for being a character who feels so realistic because she wallows in her own misery and takes her anger out on everyone else when she really only has her self to blame in the end. I loved Bow for being a bully and a Mean Popular Girl who picked on Eve, and that she has her "reasons" for doing so but also she really has no excuse for bullying and excluding... and the backstory that she had once been so kind and caring to Eve! I ate it up! I also loved Eevui but i dont have a reason for loving him lmao

ive been loving the more "story driven" chapters recently, but i wont be sad to see a return to comedy focus. the fluffy outside was what drew me in anyway!

id also just like to say that i think the reason you couldnt find any real criticism is because your audience tends to skew younger? like, 10yo-kid vibes. kids who just really love pokemon and eevees especially and are just here for fun but are also kids and complain a lot and whine when things dont go there way. and if not younger, then, well, perverted, because the pokemon fandom is strangely perverted. which isnt to saw the entire SSEC fandom is either young or perverted (or both), just that it seems like a majority fall into one of two categories (on the Tumblr side of the fandom anyway, not sure what the Discord fandoms like!)

anyway i just love your work and im glad you can get back to enjoying it <3333

Author Chan: Ha ha ha, thank you so much!!!!! I am genuinely glad you enjoy the characters!!!

My goal is to keep the chapters story driven while plugging in the comedy more and making the drama less of a focus (it’ll still be there) also fixing a lot of plot things. (Like. A lot)

And, with the criticism thing. Ssec’s audience skews younger (I’d say middle school aged) but I was asking the more older fans. And like. They were CAPABLE of doing it cause after I started listening to ES fan stuff, the older, passionate ssec fans all of a sudden came together to criticize SSEC out of nowhere for hours on end. Best stuff I have gotten imo. It’s just that people were saying sorry to me for doing it after, which kinda shows why they didn’t do it beforehand. =w=;;