#it isnt ergonomic and the drain stopper broke and it doesnt drain properly so its perpetually dirty
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im perfectly medicated so why do I still get cold at night with the immense anxiety that he doesn't love me back
#barks#no amount of therapy has ever been able to help this#sometimes i wonder if im just not built for this#i wonder if i should just be alone forever and spare anyone the curse of living with me#im a great friend but when it gets more serious im deeply insecure and horrible to be with#i thought i had bpd for years bc of how crazy i can be#getting diagnosed with bipolar explained a lot but not everything#cptsd diagnosis explained even more#but there are still things about me i cant deal with or explain away#i often wonder if everyone would be better off if i was alone#anxiety makes me freezing shivering like i cant stand it#i used to take hot baths to deal with it but our bath tub sucks#it isnt ergonomic and the drain stopper broke and it doesnt drain properly so its perpetually dirty#im just suffering here#i think i want to disappear#i just want things to be easier and they never will be
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