#it isn't usually dangerous but it causes a lot of pain and suffering

[badaxefamily]

I lost about 50 pounds and my rheumatologist went "And that helped your joint pain right?" First of all, at that point I didn't have much joint pain, my complaint has always been fatigue. Secondly, losing weight didn't have any effect on any of my symptoms. I think that was the last visit I had with her, I went to someone else and she spotted the signs of HPP, even though that's rare and outside her specialty.

Incidentally the joint pain I have now is mostly in my feet and is probably from repeated microfractures, caused by leaving the HPP untreated for 40 years.

This is why fat shaming can have tragic consequences.

[vioartemis]

Mine (part 2)

(Wednesday Addams x fem! reader)

Summary: Your girlfriend's stalker seems to know a lot about your breakup with Enid... Part 1 || Part 2 Warnings: none a/n: I struggle writing lately, but I'll try to motivate myself more because I have so many ideas 😭 (English isn't my first language, I'm sorry if there are mistakes or if something doesn't make sense TvT)

A few months after you started dating Wednesday, you discovered your girlfriend had a stalker. Neither of you had an idea of who it could be, but one thing was clear: this person was up to no good.

The raven had already been threatened multiple times by her stalker but didn't pay any attention to it, thinking it was just a prank. It was only when her stalker started threatening to hurt you that she started to be worried.

You were her whole life, her reason to live. She couldn't lose you; she wouldn't know what to do without you. Now that she had you, she was ready to do everything in her power to make sure you would remain hers. Forever.

Her only problem was she didn't know who the stalker was. Usually, she would have just investigated to figure it out, but she couldn't bring you with her, knowing it might be dangerous. She also couldn't let you alone while she was away, that would give the stalker a good opportunity to hurt you.

In this moment, she almost regretted you had no friends anymore. Almost. She still believed she was all you needed.

When she had to leave you, even for a short amount of time, she would ask Thing to stay and keep an eye on you, to make sure you were safe.

What she didn't know was that the stalker -whoever it was- had no intention to harm you. Not physically at least. Of course not. Even if you were to die, the pain caused to Wednesday wouldn't be enough. She had to suffer. And they had found the perfect way to do so.

One day when Weems had called Wednesday in her office, you received a text from an unknown number.

'Your girlfriend is a toxic, manipulative liar. Here are the 'proofs' of Enid cheating on you. It's Wednesday who edited the pictures and sent them to you.'

You couldn't believe your eyes. Even with the screenshots sent by the stalker -because it was obviously them- you couldn't believe it. You didn't want to.

You decided to wait until your girlfriend got back from Weems' office and confront her.

"I'm back my love, did something happen while I was gone?" she asked right away, as per usual, the second she stepped into the room

"Actually... yes, something happened. I uh... I received a text, probably from the stalker"

Wednesday snapped her head at you the moment she heard the 'yes', blinking.

"What? Show me."

You purposefully held the phone away from her.

"Answer me first; were you the one who sent me the pictures of Enid 'cheating on me'?" you asked as calmly as you could

She certainly was taken aback by your sudden question, and it was clear she was thinking of the best answer to give you.

She could lie to you, tell you she didn’t do anything. But if you had real evidence, you would hate her if she lied. More than you would hate her if you knew what she’d done.

She was going to have to tell you the truth, it was the best thing to do to make sure she wouldn’t lose you.

"Yes. It was me."

You felt your heart sink at her words. You would've never thought she would do something like that.

"... Why?"

"It was for your own good, Y/n, I-"

"For my own good? You hurt me for my own good?" you cut her off, your anger building up "You ruined a perfectly good and healthy relationship that made me happy!"

"She wouldn't have made you happy a long time. You were not meant to be. I know I am the one for you. Aren't you more happy with me, cara mia?"

She spoke calmy and took your hand in hers softly. This simple touch was almost enough to calm you down.

"I am. But this... this is not healthy. Everything is based on a lie..."

"I did it for you. For us."

"No. No. You did it for you."

The anger was back, and made you snatch your hand away from hers before continuing.

"It was never about me. You just couldn't bear to see me with someone else. You had to have me all for yourself, didn't you? No matter how that would hurt me."

"No, that is not-"

"It is. It's exactly what it is. You're just selfish, Wednesday. Did you ever even considered the fact that I might not develop feelings for you? That you might have ruined my life?"

She did not consider it, not even once. She was sure you would love her because you were meant to be, weren't you? She could feel it. She couldn't explain it, but she knew you were made for her and vice versa.

She believed you were her soulmate, but she never realized she might not be yours. That would be cruel. And not how she liked it.

"Y/n-"

"No." you raised your hand and grabbed your bag "I'm going to my dorm. Don't follow me."

You didn't let her say anything else and stormed out of her room. You were angry and felt betrayed. You just wanted to be alone.

Wednesday watched you leave, her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She wanted to follow you, to call you back, to do anything to make sure she wasn't losing you. But you told her not to, and it would upset you more if she did.

She couldn't lose you. Not now, not after everything she'd done. You loved her, she knew it. Yet, she couldn't help but feel nervous. What if you went to Enid? What if she still loved you and tried to get you back?

She didn't have news of you for the next two days. You were doing your best to avoid her, and she didn't like it. It was torture -and not the good kind.

It was torture for you too, as much as you hated to admit it. You missed her so much. It was almost concerning how fast she got you addicted to her. You wanted to come back to her, hug her, kiss her... But you were mad she lied to you. And you wanted her to understand that.

But again, you missed her. So so much. You had trouble sleeping at night without her, and during the day you just missed her sarcastic remarks, the feeling of her hand in yours, the way she looks at you like you're the eighth wonder of the world.

You just couldn't stay away from her any longer.

You barged in her dorm after classes that day and grabbed her face to kiss her, not even letting her the time to understand what was happening.

She was taken aback by your sudden arrival after three days without even looking at her, but that meant you weren't leaving her, and that was the most important to her.

She held you close, hands on your waist, while she kissed you back. She'd missed that as much as you did.

After a moment, you pulled away.

"I'm still mad at you. But I just can't seem to be without you..."

"Cara mia-"

"No, let me talk, please"

Your girlfriend looked at you and nodded, a bit nervous about what you were about to say next.

"No more lies, and no more things like that, okay?"

"Of course, mi amor. I promise you I will be fully transparent now."

You smile at her words.

"Okay, I believe you. I love you Wednesday"

She nodded at your answer. She was relieved that you believed her, that you still loved her.

If she was determined to discover who her stalker was before, now she was ready to do everything in her power to figure it out. Whoever it was, they tried to take you away from her. And that she would not forgive.

[Previous part]

[helpmepleaseineedit]

RAMBLE TIME AGAIN FOR ALL WHO ENJOYED IT

Today's sacri- ...willing participants, Rodger, Toodles, Astro, and Dandy. (in this I'll be covering both my twisted and non-twisted theories and headcanons)

Rodger and Teagan were married for a few years and ended up adopting Toodles and, later, Shrimpo; Rodger sees both Toodles and Shrimpo as his biological kids despite the fact they share no blood bond. Rodger tends to be slightly pessimistic, thinking mainly logically, which usually brings him to the worst outcome in any given scenario.

Rodger, when twisted, becomes a research capsule because he allowed his research to control and destroy him to the point of obsession; when you pick up his capsule, he attacks out of blind rage about the fact somebody is trying to "steal" his research; however twisted Rodger is very good at listening, often if on a floor with Twisted Toodles, quietly listening to her ramble from within his capsule.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toodles tends to cause chaos wherever she goes, she's around eight mentally and physically and has a constant stash of dangerous items on her; the reason she had these items is due to the fact she's often left unsupervised by the more mature toons within garden view; she spends lots of time with Pebbles and Shrimpo.

Shrimpo is the reason that Toodles has access to some of her more dangerous tools like sparklers, lighters, and home-made explosives.

Twisted Toodles had been an unfortunate accident, when she had first started twisting, Shrimpo from a small place of kindness within his heart took a bat to her to try and kill her to make sure she wouldn't end up suffering like the few twisteds he has seen; this didn't work unfortunately in the aspect of her being alive, however, since the blow took out the entirety of the front and most of the top of her head, she was left unaware of the actions she was doing, making things less painful for her yet more painful for those around her. Twisted Toodles often rambles nonsense to herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Astro isn't shy, he's simply very socially estranged and doesn't know how to start a conversation if you ask Astro about something he'll usually keep his answer short and sweet unless you ask about certain books, the solar system, or anything cozy related; Astro can ramble for hours on end about any given topic if he's motivated, although usually he's worn out from extraction work, or overworking himself to give others good dreams. Astro and Dandy are still fairly close after everything that's happened; despite what other toons tell Astro and push for him to do, his friendship barely wavers. He doesn't admit it, but he's usually pretty on edge around Dandy.

Twisted Astro is in a constant state of panic, he's constantly concerned about everything and everyone around him, often spacing out well he wanders looking for somebody; Astro had been pushed back into an ichor puddle by an at the time very pissed off Vee, she later came to realize her mistake, only once seeing the weeping, shivering figure of Twisted Astro on a floor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dandy, despite many of his actions and interactions with others is scared and mostly unaware of what he is doing to others, he is aware that he helped the ichor spread but, at the time of the events wasn't aware of the effects, by the time he had figured it out, it had been too late.

Dandy is, in simple terms, a manipulator even if he doesn't mean to be; his voice almost always holds a rather sharp edge to it when somebody contradicts him, and his fall from peak stardom to what Gardenveiw currently hurts him quite severely.

Twisted Dandy is born of several things, but not mainly of anger, Twisted dandy is born of fear as he watches the people who are supposed to be his friends ignore him, no matter what he offers them, he's scared of what will happen, wondering if his friends even know what they're doing to him, or if they know they're causing him physical pain.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

ooo boy this one was long, it's one in the morning and I have typing modivation ao, here we are, I hope you enjoy the yummy angsty pot of food I've brewed for you raskles, eat up! /lhj

[kalicofox]

Obsessions and how they Break

One of the recurring themes in the Danny Phantom fandom is that ghosts have Obsessions. This is pretty firmly upheld by canon, and it's an interesting thing to explore, with a myriad of different interpretations.

Another thing that tends to come up relatively often is something called 'Ending' that is, the death of a ghost. A cessation of existence. Arguably, this is a fate worse than death, since at least in the Danny Phantom universe we have evidence of an afterlife.

Something that's been on my mind a lot recently is what causes an Ending. What can kill a ghost?

Obviously, there's the fic-standard things. Core damage, injuries bad enough that they're beyond the ghost's ability to heal... things like that.

But what about Obsessions? What about a ghost that is forbidden or prevented in some manner from fulfilling it? What about a ghost that is incapable for some reason of fulfilling their Obsession?

Obviously this would cause some kind of core damage, and mental issues to say the least, however, I submit that those are two of the better results. Those can be healed from relatively quickly and easily. (Relatively.)

The worst result is something called a Broken Obsession. An Obsession that's gone unfulfilled for so long, or that's been prevented from being fulfilled so firmly, that it inverted. Changed, radically, usually in a more negative or self destructive direction than the Obsession originally pointed.

A clear example of this would be Dan Phantom, or Dark Danny.

It is widely accepted that Danny has a Protection Obsession. (Or Space, or both, but we're focusing on Protection for the moment.) When Danny's family and friends died, because of him, Danny's Obsession Broke. No longer was he a Protection spirit. How could he be, when he might as well have killed them all himself? (This is his line of thought.)

His Obsession Broke. Inverted. And became Suffering. This is why he suffered so badly that he was willing to allow Vlad to rip out his emotions. Not to say that grief isn't awful and horrible, and a kind of suffering unique to itself, but Danny's Obsession would dwell on it. It became the only thing he could think about. He would dream it every night, replaying it over and over again.

When Vlad agreed to rip out his emotions, and Danny's ghost half ripped out Vlad's ghost half, Vlad's Obsession, something selfish and self-centered, combined with the Suffering of Danny's ghost half, and refused to allow itself to suffer any longer.

The Obsession warped and twisted again, and the Suffering that had been self-directed became directed outwardly. Suffering became Shared Suffering, and everyone would feel the pain he felt.

Because the Breaking of an Obsession tends to focus the Obsession more inward, it is one of the more dangerous of the symptoms of a ghost on the road to Ending.

[mercurial-space-case]

hey you mentioned in the tags of a post that stopping doing compulsions isn't the only recovery option for ocd, could you elaborate on that?

Absolutely! Caveat that I'm just one person, and while my therapist did approve this it's not really something I've heard talked about outside of my experience. I am not a therapist, following this advice could potentially be dangerous, I recommend trying the usual method first.

Under a cut for my comfort. Warnings for coping with intrusive thoughts/delusions without reality checking, magical thinking, etc.

This will not solve the problem of having intrusive thoughts; this is about accepting they're a part of your life and coping with it.

I tried the typical method of breaking them, and sometimes it works! Not usually, but it's worth trying for specific compulsions that are harmful or dangerous. The problem for me is that it doesn't change the way your brain works. I still had the thoughts that the compulsions were helping, but without any way to keep them under control or any way to cope with them. I, without fail, developed different compulsions to cope with them.

The typical therapy approach recommends I just keep doing it! Again, I'm sure that works for some people. It wasn't worth it for me. I wasn't sleeping, I wasn't eating, I was inconsolable and all I could think about was all the terrible things I knew were going to happen because I didn't follow through.

I have 2 things that have helped me. Spirituality and understanding my brain.

Spirituality for me is very different from what I've heard most people describe. Magical thinking is a core component of OCD, and religion can make it worse, or be its focus in the example of religious OCD. If thats part of yours this one probably won't work. For me, though, I lean into the magical thinking. I trust that the universe wouldn't put more on my shoulders than I can handle, and other people with rituals will pick up any of my slack. I still do the things that help, because I genuinely believe they prevent the things I'm worried about, but when I can't (I'm in a rush, I'm in too much pain, they would hurt me or someone else,) I put my faith in something greater to make up for it. For me, I believe when I get random spikes in rituals when I'm not in a rushed or stressful situation, I'm picking up someone else's load, and this brings me a lot of comfort.

The above method, I imagine, could be very dangerous if you have severe schizotypal symptoms or are not good at double booking. I'm very good at double booking, which is part of why this works for me. It doesn't really treat the root problem, but it prevents the spirals caused by being unable to fulfill a compulsion.

I haven't had any success with this one (partially because of the spirituality coping mechanism!) but if you have a way of making a new compulsion manually, do a reset one. It will save you so much pain and suffering trying to do something just right when, inevitably, you are human and don't do it perfectly. Just reset and try again. (ex. I have a compulsion of counting my steps in 3s, but with so much going on in my head I miscount sometimes. A reset might look like "stop, tap your toes together 3 times, continue" and then start over your counting. It should be something easy you can do almost always.)

2nd is something I learned in ADHD coping mechanisms! Understand your brain and work with it. When are your compulsions worst? Typically the answer is in stressful situations, as well as places or times or around items/people that trigger them. Why do they happen? They're a coping mechanism! Get other coping mechanisms, avoid the things that trigger spirals when you can, bring comfort objects with you (I highly recommend having an accessory, a very light jacket, and a winter jacket for this if possible) that calm you down. Bonus points if you can assign protective qualities to them, or compulsions! (ex. I am safe when I wear my jacket (DISTINCTLY *NOT* I AM UNSAFE WITHOUT IT), my jacket keeps me safe from intrusive thoughts, my jacket makes up for it when I can't do compulsions)

I'm gonna say this again so it really hits home, this is what I've tried and has worked for me. You've asked me to share and I am, but if you have access to a therapist I highly recommend getting it approved by them first because I don't know how these methods might interact with the way you work. Please please please be careful.

[linagram]

[ meet the prisoners! (t2 edition) ] prisoner 004: chiba naomi

this woman. she caused me so much suffering. basically, when i first finished working on her t2 design, i. uh. i noticed that i made a mistake only like a day after i was done.

her arms were too short JDJKSKSDLKSLK.

so i kept procrastinating and telling myself that i will fix it later and when i actually tried to do it, IT WAS SO PAINFUL BECAUSE IT ALREADY HAD ALL THE COLORS AND SHADING AND ALL OF THAT. i still managed to fix it though, but if the lineart looks weird, that's why! her arms still look wrong to me, but trust me, they looked worse.

but anyway, i still love naomi's character a lot even if her crime isn't that mysterious or difficult to solve <3

General info.

T1 Verdict: Naomi was voted innocent and she did not expect that. She genuinely thought that she will be voted guilty, she really thought that Eiji is that person who will understand how bad her crime actually was.. Like, she even kind of told them about how young her victim was before her video got extracted, why would those two forgive her? Haha, so they're not that different from those other people.. Naomi was shocked at first, but at the same time she got used to hearing that what happened wasn't her fault, so.. Eh, maybe she should just agree with the guards. She's tired of trying to prove that she's guilty, she had tried to do it so many times before she even arrived here, so what's the point? People will still forgive her for some reason. Maybe she's just that sympathetic or it's so easy to understand her, she's not sure. So for now, she will just embrace it and go with the flow.

T2 Personality: Naomi certainly did change and she's not even trying to ask for a guilty verdict anymore. She's more calm and relaxed now, but it's not because she was forgiven, it's simply because she decided to accept everyone forgiving her. She's tired of trying to make everyone believe that she's this dangerous murderer, so if others think her crime wasn't that bad even though her victim was so young, fine, she'll just nod and agree. Naomi is also more honest about her feelings now and even though she still gets along with most younger prisoners, she's more open about disliking Asahi and says that no matter how hard this boy is trying to make others think that he's changed, he still deserves to be punished. The fact that he's the youngest prisoner here is scary to her not because "Oh no, what a child like him is doing here?", but because this child must have done something truly awful to end up here.

T2 Relationship dynamics:

She gets along with both Akio and Aimi and she's happy to see that they've become friends. Of course, she didn't want Akio to get injured, so she helps Aimi with taking care of him sometimes. If they need something, she will ask the guards for it as usual and she understands that because of Akio being voted guilty, now he really needs someone to request things for him.

Her relationship with Riku, another prisoner who's one of the younger ones, is a bit more complicated, because she really does want to help him and she has experience with helping kids who have mental health problems (even though they were much younger than Riku), but she also has a feeling that Riku doesn't want to get help. Maybe he thinks he's fine or that he doesn't deserve to be taken care of. If that's the case, she can understand him. Actually, she would love to know more about him. Who knows, maybe their family situations are actually more similar than they both thought.

Her relationship with Asahi is much worse now and uh, Asahi, if you thought she's gonna be your new mother figure, you were wrong. She doesn't hesitate to stop Asahi if she sees or hears him making fun of someone again and if he says something rude, she will tell him to shut up. She's had enough of his behavior and she actually thinks that Asahi trying to act more nice and polite makes him more suspicious. Like, why is this 12-year old (the prisoners' birthdays are canon here, so yes, he's actually 12 years old now) trying to manipulate all prisoners and even the guards? Who does he think he is?.. Oh well, it probably would be easy for a cute child to make others feel sorry for him. That's also probably why he was forgiven anyway.

Music info.

Milgram cover: Oh, this one will probably be sudden. So, uh, she actually gets It's Not My Fault this time <3 The image of this tired 30-year old woman singing INMF looks so funny in my head, but before you go "OHHHH so she really thinks she's innocent, huh?", well, not exactly! At the same time it can be her showing that even though she thinks she deserves to be punished for her crime, she also thinks her victim still deserved to die (actually, i think Naomi is one of those prisoners who would kill again if they ever got out of Milgram because her repressed anger is that bad), but mostly.. I think her singing INMF is actually more like her kind of making fun of people who forgave her. Yes, this can be seen as both her breaking the fourth wall and calling people out in-universe. Like, oh, okay, she gets it. She's just this poor tired woman who killed an annoying child who was hated by everyone around him, both kids and adults. It's fine, she understands. She's so pitiable, isn't she?

DECO*27 cover: Kimi ga Kirai da (Now, I know that this song is about a romantic relationship, but I really wanted her to sing something sad and also show how much hatred and anger she has inside. This woman is so, so tired of everything..)

Different Vocaloid producer cover: Regret Message by mothy/Akuno-P (second Akuno-P song in a row LET'S GO!! Again, I just wanted her to sing something sad, but also her feelings are so complicated, like yes, she thinks her victim deserved to die, no one even cried when they found out about his death, but also.. Maybe she does regret it. Of course she does, she wouldn't ask for a guilty verdict if she didn't. She doesn't know how to feel about her crime, honestly. Maybe the guards can help?)

Her T2 Trailer Voicelines:

"Ah, Eiji-san and Miki-san. Glad to see you. I hope you two are taking good care of yourselves. So.. The second trial, huh? I feel like this time everything is going to be even more difficult for you.. Don't push yourself too hard, okay?.. How do I feel about my verdict?.. Well.. I've decided that I won't argue with you about it. It is your decision after all and who am I to try and tell the guards that they are wrong?"

*crying* "I.. I don't understand.. I don't understand anything.. A-am I supposed to feel sorry for him now?.."

Her T2 Song Trailer Voiceline:

"What's wrong? Are you regretting your decision?"

Trivia:

Her letting her hair down can be seen as her trying to act more honest and more true to herself. No more holding back now.. At least she sees it as being more honest, though I can't say she's right. I actually feel like her agreeing with everything the guards do sounds like her running away from reality.

She feels more comfortable in her new outfit now because the old one reminded her of her crime way too much. (She also was wearing the same clothes both when she committed her crime and when she was brought here)

She doesn't really care about being voted innocent or guilty anymore. She's okay with the guards doing whatever they want. It's not like her opinion matters here anyway.

A dark shade of red was chosen as her second image color because of how her T2 MV ends (or where it ends, to be more specific) and because I thought it fits her nicely: her first image color is much calmer compared to the second one, it's like the first color is how other people see her (and how she wants them to see her), but the second color is her real, more violent and aggressive side.

[quilitain]

I'm a guy who managed to avoid falling into that alt-right pipeline and honestly? I can understand why so many men succumb to it. I don't agree with their choice, I don't support the hurt they inflict on others and I try to guide people away when I get the chance, but I've been on the edge of that abyss and I understand how easy it is to fall.

Growing up, over and over I'd hear women, women I considered friends, women I looked up to and respected and wanted to learn from talk about the horrors of men, how awful, wretched, repulsive, hurtful, and just plain evil they were. How uncomfortable they made them, how uneasy and afraid.

And I learned. And I listened. And I internalized those lessons.

Yes, at no time were they ever directing their comments at me, but at the same time, never did they seem to care that their words were hurting me either. And when I do speak up I'm usually met with some variation of "oh we didn't mean you" or more commonly "oh if you're not like that you shouldn't be offended".

I've gotten to a point where I am ashamed of my gender. I'm ashamed of being a man, of being born into a gender that causes that much pain and suffering. I feel disgusted and repulsed by my own body, I suppressed my romantic feelings so much that I had a mental breakdown when I finally did develop feelings for someone because I was so repulsed by myself and afraid that I would become just another man like the ones I'd heard so much about. I don't want to change gender, I just don't want to be seen as a violent monster just because I share a gender with some people who act that way.

Even now the general atmosphere I get from the very liberal spaces on the Internet I like to hang out in is that I'm not welcome there. I am tolerated, but I am, at best, an enemy turncoat. A potential threat that just isn't actively dangerous. A monster on a leash. I do see small spots of improvement, but the people pushing back usually deliberately, explicitly make exceptions for men. I see TERFs getting called out, but their arguments that AMAB are inherently violent and dangerous to women get parroted around without irony so long as they only specify cis men. I see callout posts promoting and encouraging masculinity and acceptance of masculinity, but only for transmascs or butch women. And like, these are good movements, I support them wholeheartedly and have pretty much made peace with the fact that they are aimed at people who have it a lot worse off than I do. But at the same time it doesn't feel great to once again be told that "everyone is valid and worthy of love, except you".

If you grow up being made to feel that way, isolated, othered, monstrous, and don't yet realize the true motivations of the majority of right-wing "support" groups it becomes incredibly easy for them to lure you in, and once you're isolated and immersed in their echo chamber it's incredibly difficult to escape.

No, it isn't on liberals to coddle and reassure men, but maybe some effort could be made to treat them with the same nuance and understanding we reserve for literally anyone else?

I couldn't have said it better myself.

[stackthedeck]

do you have any spideydevil headcanon’s to share? i’m honestly desperate for new spideydevil content and no one in this fandom is making any anymore :(

I KNOW RIGHT!! About a month or two after no way home, Peter and Matt kinda dropped from the mcu fans' radar. I actually have a lot of thoughts about how Marvel's constant stream of content is bad for transformative fandom in the long run and migratory sub-fandoms within relatively stable fandoms but that's a post that requires academic citations someone please ask me about this dear god I couldn't fit it into a three minute tiktok and if I just post an essay about the mcu that'd a special unhinged cringe

But spideydevil headcanons! (this isn't about mcu Peter, hate that I have to say that, but you know)

They get together almost by accident. Both of them almost exclusively date non-heroes and that always goes wrong, there's always something they can't give to their partner because they have to be a hero. And so they swear off dating, in fact, they swear off dating together. They were venting to each other and decided hey let's do this together. And when you're really aware of the fact that you're not dating, you realize you're acting like you're dating. Bringing food to stake-outs that quickly just become picnics, crashing at each others' places just be annoyingly touching on the couch, panicking whenever either of them are in an above average amount of danger. They have like a whole brothers-in-arms type of deal but also kind of a friends with benefits type of deal because it's Matt and it's also Peter let's be real they're both sluts. After about the fifth time of waking up to Peter clinging to him in bed after a dinner at the top of a skyscraper the night before, Matt's like "okay, I'm pretty sure this is dating."

They do a lot of fixing each other up after fights. Peter's healing factor is good, but it's not that good and Matt is Matt so the first aid kit is well stocked. Peter usually tries to patch himself up, he's too precious with his secret identity that he's often suffering alone. The injuries will always heal eventually, but Matt still fuses over him and know that he's hurting, touching him carefully. Matt has plenty of people that know he's Daredevil, he could call Claire or Foggy or Karen, but he calls Peter. Peter doesn't touch him like he's made out of glass, just slaps the bandage on and tells him to be more careful next time, or call him before the fight. Even though he knows Matt can handle himself, he still presses his bruised knuckles to his lips and kisses them better. Knows that Matt can take the pain, needs the pain, but still doesn't want him to suffer.

Peter is Jewish and Matt is Catholic and you'd think that'd cause some problems, but it doesn't. Peter's non-practicing and Matt's a bad Catholic, but they both love to talk about religion. They don't argue the little details because neither of them keeps the little details of their own faiths, it's always more about throwing questions at each other the "what ifs" and the "how do we know" and "are we really sure" kind of questions. vocalizing that doubt, it grounds them and connects them to that higher force. They both like talking and thinking and letting faith be a place of doubt is oddly enough reassuring. They both have very different experiences with faith, both practice very different faiths, but that connection to something higher, little rituals when they can, connecting with a community, it's different but it's the same. Peter still thinks Christians are superstitious and weird and he's right and you couldn't pay him to go to a mass, but he likes how Matt sounds when he prays, his fingers gently rubbing the rosary beads. Matt gets invited to high holidays and he adores the joy that religion brings to Peter's family and community and respects the solemn history, aspires to the level of knowledge and discussion. Anytime Peter brings Matt to Aunt May, she asks, "so when are you going to convert" and Matt says, "when Peter proposes" and Peter hates them both and is pretty sure they're both joking...maybe.

Peter's spidey sense has nothing on Matt's radar, but it is better than most people. They throw things a lot. If it is not nailed down and it must be given to the other person, it's getting thrown. Foggy nearly has a heartache when Peter swings by the office and just chucks a thermos of hot coffee at Matt who catches it without flinching. This also results in them throwing themselves at each other (insert that Brooklyn 99 meme). Which results in trying to sneak up on each other. Peter falls from the ceiling into Matt's open arms and pouts because "I was so fucking quiet how did you know? I was really trying this time!" Matt uses his ninja skills to sneak into Peter's apartment, controlling his breathing and heart rate, surely he's not a danger to Peter's spidey sense because they're dating. Peter finds him within moments of stepping in the door and dips him into a kiss which Matt accepts but he does whine the rest of the night. But both of them have reflexes that board on pre-cognition and this makes for some wild team-up fighting. Like Matt flips off a skyscraper the same second Peter arcs into a swing, catching him and then throwing him again so that both their swings are perfect, the two of them tossing the billy clubs around like a ping pong ball so fast the bad guys can't even see it, lot of crazy acrobatic shit

Matt is horrified when he actually witnesses Peter's hand-to-hand combat skills. Like Peter's web combat is something completely by his own design, Matt can't touch that. But holy shit who taught Peter to throw a punch? No one?! He can't let this stand, super strength and healing are the only things keeping him standing. Matt brings Peter to Fogwell's and it brings up old memories of Elektra, but also his dad and the good and the bad, old and new mix together and there's nowhere else he wants Peter. He shows him how to throw a punch, how to hold himself, how to make a fist and there's so much touching. Like Matt, you don't need to put your hands on him to make sure he's in the right position. But if they also fuck in that boxing ring that's nobody's business but theirs. Suddenly Peter isn't all awkward long harsh lines, he's tight and controlled and there's always been power behind him but now it's focussed. It's beautiful and terrifying, but that proper form works wonders like holy shit he has so much energy now that his body doesn't need to pour extra strength into shitty punches and heal micro fractures in his hands

Peter has a spot with everyone he's ever been serious about. With Gwen, it was the Brooklyn Bridge. With Johnny, it was the statue of liberty. With MJ, it's the top of the Rockerfeller center. With Matt, it's the Chrysler Building. It's very climbable, lots of places to swing from. The right kind of quiet when you get up high enough. Late night meetings that started as all business that turned into friends hanging out and shooting the breeze that turned into their spot. turned into picnics and secrets they couldn't tell anyone else and nervous kiss that turned confident slower than they should have

they have this fun game called "if you don't sleep I'll personally knock you unconscious" it was a joke at first, but their "self-care" talks have devolved into violence multiple times. It's how they show affection. MJ has walked into Peter's apartment, Matt in the full devil costume and shoving water down his throat. She preceded to help hold Peter down and also made sure he took his vitamins. They both have equally terrible self-destructive personal habits that they both hypocritically criticize each other for, but coffee is the no go zone. They both have crippling caffeine addictions and neither will challenge the other about it, in fact, they're enablers. "how much did you sleep last night" "I've got five hours max this whole week" "I'll cover your patrol while you get eight hours" "It sounds like you're trying to break up with me" "fine, I'll make a pot of coffee, but we're only staying out till four tonight."

Matt and Peter are both massive nerds but in different directions. Stem kids vs humanities kids. Peter will sit and babble at Matt for a solid hour about this one chemical reaction he's observing in the lab and there's evidence that it could be occurring in the human body but they need to run more tests but if it's the case then... and on and on and once he pauses to talk a breath, Matt's like so cool babe let me tell you about this court case from the 80s that actually sets a legal preciden that could be destroy copyright law if we spun it right. This goes on for hours. They adore it, it's great.

Matt is a cat person, Peter's a reptile guy, and they do not own pets. They don't want kids, they don't want to get married. They are both allergic to commitment. But the fact that neither of them has offered commitment or even asked about it is its own form of commitment. Like an unspoken promise that they want to be together in some fashion, probably dying in battle together, is enough and exactly what they need. Because they risk death every time they put on the suit and they can't commit to anyone because they're so fragile they have nothing to commit. They work because no one understands the superhero life like them

(nsfw) Matt—both in and out of costume—is constantly fighting for control, fighting to be respected and seen as powerful. If he lets go of that control for even a second, if he's seen as less than perfect for even a second, his life falls apart. Peter feels like he has no control, his life has been one unstoppable force after the other. They kinda naturally fall into a dynamic in the bedroom of Matt giving up control and Peter taking it. It works for them, they have safewords, and it's really really good. Peter is really into tying Matt up whether this is a spider thing or a Peter thing is a subject of endless debate. He likes hearing Matt beg, knowing that he wants him, wants what he can do. Matt likes the noises Peter makes, those small gasps of pleasure when he finally takes what he needs. He likes the praise that he gives so easily and openly, it makes Matt feel precious and wanted. He likes being manhandled a bit, Matt's a big guy almost pure muscle, but Peter is stronger, can throw him around if he wants or if Matt asks, begs.

[son1c]

If you could Redesign Infinite what would you change or add? This also includes his powers and origin.

been there done that. i'm just gonna talk about project nova okie? <3

sooooo project nova infinite's backstory sticks pretty close to canon. i've fleshed it out a bit more though, since what we're given in canon is pretty bare bones. i don't think i've ever really gone into detail about it before so i'll do that now...

basically, he was a gun for hire. he liked the challenge and danger presented by that particular avenue of employment. he wasn't initially part of a team, but his solo act didn't last very long. his "jackal squad" started forming around him the more notoriety he got in the business. other mercenaries admired him--he was really good at what he did. basically, if you hired him, you were going to get what you paid for. guaranteed.

his squad was elite, too. he wouldn't accept anything but the best. and of course, he was in charge. the funny thing is he was the youngest member of the newly formed team, but no one would ever know it, because his efficiency was unrivalled.

not everyone in the business looked up to him though. it's a tough gig. and a lot of people don't like it when you're better than them at their job. so he made a lot of enemies too. one of those enemies is the reason why he's got that scar on his face. but a scar isn't a coffin--he won that fight.

afterwards, though, he was no longer content. he had won, but it was by the skin of his teeth. and in his eyes, that wasn't good enough. he wanted nothing but absolute landslide victories over everything that stood in his way. this desire for more power eventually led him to make that deal with eggman, and the phantom ruby.

it was selfish. over time, he had grown to see his teammates as more than just business partners. they were his friends. but he ignored them when they begged him not to work with eggman. he had his eyes fixed on the promise of more power. the same ruthlessness that had put him on top of the mercenary world, would blind him to the truth: that eggman wasn't trustworthy.

he didn't care about infinite or his team--except for what they could do for him, of course. and so when shadow showed up at eggman's base on g.u.n.'s orders, eggman didn't bother with his usual robotic security measures; he sent infinite's team outside to deal with it.

and the thing is? they did. shadow never got into the building. but eggman sent them out there for more than just that... once they were distracted by shadow, eggman activated his robots. and infinite's team, not expecting to be stabbed in the back, were killed by them. but why? well, eggman knew the phantom ruby was as particular as it was peculiar. simply wanting to be stronger wasn't enough to satisfy it. it wanted a host filled to the brim with rage. who was overwhelmed by grief. and it wouldn't latch onto anyone whose heart wasn't blackened by pain.

this, of course, was eggman's plan all along. give your new lackey a common enemy to hate, and he'll be easier to control.

in project nova, the phantom ruby can literally warp reality. it's unclear whether or not it can do this in canon... since the vocabulary used irt the phantom ruby is pretty. uh. confusing. ("virtual reality" SOUNDS cool, but what does that actually mean??? sega, i want answers </3) it can also TEMPORARILY warp reality, thereby creating "illusions."

the phantom ruby is also sentient. sort of. basically, it's like an anti-chaos emerald. so, if the chaos emeralds are Good, the phantom ruby is Bad. it wants to cause pain and suffering. and when eggman links it to the red chaos emerald in project nova, it does more than just take power from it. the phantom ruby starts to warp the chaos emerald. very slowly. over time. it distorts its original good intentions... into a twisted mirror of its own. all to further its own goal, which is to cause as much pain and suffering as possible.

[crymeariveronceagain]

i just love the idea of keefe being both touch starved (bc of his parents) and extremely sensitive to touch (bc he’s a strong empath), but then ALSO proving with sophie that his love language is touch and— djsjsjakksks …anyway keefe and touch thoughts?

oh my dearest anon

oh my sweet beloved anon

prepare to suffer

Keefe Sencen doesn't know that he's touched starved, for the longest time. Sure, he's cold. Sure, he's lonely. Sure, the water is always at a boiling temperature when he takes his long showers. Sure, the blankets need to be as heavy as they can. Sure, he's clinging to Mrs. Stinkbottom like there's nothing else he can hold onto. Sure, he's running from everyone and everything. Sure, he's cold and lonely and stuck and upset about everything. That can't be due to any major underlying cause. No way.

He associates touch with bad things. Not because his parents outright hurt him... they just... Aren't touchy people. They're really not touchy at all. They just... don't. Or, if they do, it's usually not friendly.

Cassius is prone to yanking Keefe around, maneuvering him like he's some doll to shove. He's also prone to pushing his kid, a bit, not a lot, but enough to throw Keefe off balance sometimes. Also, he tends to kind of, like, put a lot of weight on Keefe, with the intent of it hurting, just a little. Keefe usually cringes away from that. When he's angry, too, Cassius's arms get big, and he'll move in dangerous ways. He tends to lash out in big ways that would make anyone flinch. It's violent, and startling, and even though Keefe doesn't get hurt by it, it's enough to make him flinch away from Cassius's movements.

His mom just runs really cold. She's an ice cube, basically. Her hands feel like snow, her skin like ice. It's not comfortable. Poor circulation. And she barely touches him anyway. He thinks he disgusts her. People don't touch disgusting things.

Overall, their idea of a hug is, like, maybe a brief shoulder touch. Maybe, maybe, if he's really lucky, his dad will set his heavy hand on his shoulder and not try to make it painful.

But even if the touch is more gentle than usual. This kid can feel things. And there's nothing like disgust, disappointment, and overwhelming hatred aimed at him to make him not want to touch anyone ever. Those feelings burn. They sting. They ache. Is it any wonder he doesn't like the touches his parents give him? Is it surprising that he shuns everyone else, too?

He avoids touching his friends, too, in the beginning. And even after the beginning. He doesn't want to know what they feel like. It's like his mind takes in an entirely different sense, but only when he touches someone. It's like he can see right into their hearts, and know everything about them right then in a way that makes people uncomfortable. It's always made people uncomfortable. "How did you know that?" Someone asked, when he was a kid. They'd told him never to do that again without permission. "It's rude, and you should never do that again."

He doesn't mind that. It's a lot. Either it's warm or disgusting, feels like a blanket or like a death sentence. It's all loud, bright, colorful, and bad, all at once. It's too much to handle, and besides. They know what he's doing. He just wants information. That's the only reason he'd touch them, isn't it? He's just looking for an excuse to read their emotions.

He doesn't tell anyone that he hasn't been fully and truly hugged in what feels like forever.

And then Sophie changes all of that. She doesn't shove him away. He can't escape her feelings. She is warmth and vibracy. She is hope and determination and she is warm. He swears, if she ever hugs him again, he'll probably have an emotional breakdown in her arms. Let's hope she doesn't, he decides. She doesn't have to hug him. She doesn't have to touch him.

Honestly, she shouldn't want to, anyways.

He doesn't want her to. He's sure of it.

They're dating, then, and he's clinging to the hope that she won't put her warm self so close to him, hug him like she wants to hold the broken pieces together, kiss him like the world is ending, cuddle him like they're falling apart. He doesn't want that, he tells himself. Who would want that? Nobody wants that. Especially not with him.

So, she picks up on his subtle signals, for a while, and doesn't hug him all that much. PDA? Never heard of that.

And they're doing fine, she guesses. But there's something off about her boyfriend.

He makes a point of sitting a distance away from her, keeping his hands to himself. She doesn't mind it, but it's a little odd. Usually people want hugs, once they're in a relationship.

She doesn't talk to him about it, that's just weird, especially because they're in a relationship, but instead, decides, in a flurry of stupidity, she'll just try to make it not so bad.

So when he sits down, that evening, a ways away from her, like always, to watch the movie with her, she gets up to go get popcorn, and sits back down right next to him.

He tenses up. She doesn't move, wondering if he'll push her away, say something, tell her to move over. He doesn't say anything, doesn't do anything, barely breathes. She waits.

And then, as if someone had cut the strings to a marionette doll, he relaxed, slumping, just a little. And she took it as an answer. She pressed play on the movie.

She was only just leaning against him, subtly, that's all she was doing, and inside Keefe's head, he was screaming. It was an overload of feelings, all of them gooey, warm, safe, happy, loving, caring, inescapable, kind, tinged just the slightest bit of apprehension and nerves, and he wondered if she knew he could feel everything she did. She hummed, a little, and the vibration of her chest made his heart beat louder.

He stared at her. She was going to disappear, going to vanish, going to leave. Nothing gold can stay, he thought, almost mechanically. Everything good has to leave. Everything perfect will vanish. This is a one time thing.

You don't even want this.

That was the biggest lie he'd told himself in actual years.

He didn't want this to end, he didn't want her to move, he didn't want to have to live in a world where he didn't feel warm and safe and okay and he wished he could just stay here and that the world would stop being warm, for once. He was used to a cold world, he could take a cold world. It was the warmth that was impossible to deal with.

Sophie was just... So. So. So. So warm. So. So. So. So. So safe. So loving. So caring. So gentle. So wonderful. She was as happy to be near him as he was panicking about being so near her. He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do.

And he was crying. Not a lot, just a little.

And just like that, Sophie paused the movie and was pulling away from him.

Crap, crap, he thought, angrily, I knew it was too good to be true. I knew it was an accident. She would never touch me.

"Keefe?" Sophie asked, softly. "What's wrong?"

He couldn't make the words come out right, and instead more tears were steadily crawling down his face.

"Sweetheart," she asked, again, ever more gently, and how could he take her seriously when she wasn't close to him, anymore? How could he believe anything she said when the distance between them was so far and yet so little and she wouldn't even cross it? "What's going on in your head?"

Keefe pushed his face into his hands, his body refusing to stop crying.

"You're worrying me," she said, softly, moving to be in front of him. "I'm sorry if I did something. Do you want me to leave? I can give you some space--"

"No!" Gasped Keefe, desperation finally winning. "Please," he begged, almost sobbing, "Please, don't leave."

Confusion filled Sophie's face like sand filling up an hour glass. "Darling," she said, gently. "What's happening?"

He couldn't make his mouth work. The only thing that would work were his arms. For some reason, he had function there that he couldn't pull off with his tongue. He opened his arms wide, in a way he'd always seen people ask for hugs.

She didn't move, for a moment. She wasn't going to do it. He knew it. She thought he just wanted to know how she was feeling. She thought he wasn't serious. She didn't know why anyone would want to touch him--

Her arms wrapped around him, and he caved inwards like he was trying to hold the sun in his lap. Her arms were warm, and soft, and tight around him and he couldn't think beyond the feeling of her emotions because it was gentle worry, soft love, soft kindness, respect, and how are you supposed to deal with that? How was he supposed to feel emotions if emotions felt like this, if he felt so perfect right now, so full and complete and seen, and known, and loved, like he'd never been so whole and complete before, why had he never felt this way?

Why was he crying for the feeling of being whole? His shoulders shook, but Sophie didn't leave.

Instead, she simply held him tighter. "I'm not going anywhere," she whispered, and his entire soul was falling to pieces inside of him, and she was helping him tape himself back together. "I will love you as long as you need."

He wasn't sure how he was ever going to let go.

[darthpseudonym]

Something people may not realize is that when you have a lawsuit like this, the verdict is more complicated than just "at fault" or "not at fault" (in a criminal case it would be guilty or not guilty). Lawsuits can have percentages attached -- like the jury/magistrate/whatever can find the injured party 20% at fault and the company 80% at fault, and the award is adjusted appropriately. (That is exactly what happened in the famous McD's Coffee case; the woman was found 20% at fault, and McD's was 80% liable for serving coffee at a dangerously high temperature that could easily injure customers who spilled it or even sipped it too fast.)

So if you hear this sort of story and think "Well, the person is somewhat at fault because..." Guess what? The system already takes that into account.

But wait, there's more! When a person sues, they can sue for actual (or compensatory) damages and punitive damages.

Actual damages cover the specific actual losses you sustained -- the price of possessions damaged or destroyed, medical bills, time out of work. It also covers actual losses that don't have a simple monetary measure, like permanent injuries, pain and suffering, and so on.

Then punitive damages are extra money added on as a punishment for doing something you knew could cause losses to other people. If somebody is badly burned by your dangerously hot coffee, you're likely going to pay medical bills and stuff, but the twentieth or thirtieth time it happens, you're clearly aware that this happens and haven't taken any steps to try to prevent it from happening again, so there's going to be a punitive element. Punitive damages are where those ridiculously large jury awards come from, but they're often capped at triple the actual damages -- so even if a jury says "You get $100 million" when your actual damages were $50,000, that usually won't happen. You'll probably get $200k (50k for the actual damages and triple that for 150k punitive).

So even when you hear about some huge number in a trial result, a lot of times that isn't what the check is actually going to say.

Fun fact: anytime you hear a story that boils down to “and then some ABSOLUTE FOOL sued this totally innocent megacorporation for assloads of money AND WON! Can you believe it? Ridiculous. Some people, right?” 99 times out of 100, the corporation super fucked up, the plaintiff 100% deserved that money,.and you’ve just been fed corporate propaganda.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

You ever notice that the things that Wanda tends gets in trouble for are things she kinda does on accident not the willfully reckless things she's done?

I think people give her a lot of crap while at the same time ignoring the context and the situation she was in, and that's not fair.

It's almost as if the moment a character does something wrong they can't move on from that, they can't change and evolve and choose to be someone else... unless they have suffered some and have been in pain for a while enough for these fans to consider them cleansed and good guys again.

I will not be defending her putting nightmares in the Avengers' minds and yes, Hulk rampaging South Africa caused a lot of damage and probably a few deaths and we don't see her standing trial for it. But do we ever see any of the heroes go through that? We don't.

Did we ever see Stark stand trial for selling weapons and causing hundreds of deaths (if not more, let's remember the death of Wanda and Pietro's parents)? Do we ever see him judged for destroying Sokovia after building an AI robot behind the team's back? Do we ever see him facing a judge for trying to murder an innocent man? No, we do not.

No, usually the stans will tell you that Stark was kidnapped in his first movie and that was pain enough. They will tell you he felt oh so sad after Sokovia and that's pain enough. They will tell you he had just seen a video of his parents' murder and his state of mind was so bad that he was justified in trying to murder Bucky.

So what, all of a sudden Wanda's state of mind at the time she created the Hex in Westview doesn't matter? Or how scared she was in Lagos when she saw Steve in danger of death so she had to react quickly thus saving his life and the lives of many others on the street... only to be called a weapon of mass destruction by the same man who had created the weapons that killed her parents? Or her state of mind when she and her brother joined Hydra not because they wanted to kill people but because they wanted to change the status quo and Hydra lied to them enough to make them believe they were anti-system when in truth they wanted to become the very fascists Wanda and Pietro aimed to destroy?

I'm not defending Westview or her mind manipulation of Hulk, those actions were wrong. But there's a context to them and an explanation for them, and if we can understand that other characters made bad decisions because they were desperate or afraid or traumatized surely we can understand her story as well. Understand, not justify.

Frankly it blows my mind that so many fans want her to suffer from her actions as if she hasn't been in enough pain already. Volunteering for Hydra was wrong? Sokovia was destroyed and she lost Pietro. Then IW came along and not only Vision had to die, she had to kill him only to watch him revived by Thanos and killed again. Then after she loses her mind and creates the Hex the very moment she's forced to face what she has done does she protect the Hex and her family or does she destroy it? She destroys it and loses her family. Isn't that pain enough?

And yet a lot of what I read and hear is people calling Wanda a nazi and claiming she's a villain that gets everything justified and excused. If only!

[narhinafan]

I've also noticed that some of the Sakura fandom will go "both girls are bad!" to avoid having to defend Sakura from rock solid criticism, I can't count how many times I've liked an anti Sakura post just for them to vague about "Hinata stans" when I've never said shit about her!

Yeah it happen, like Hinata nothing really bad about her the only bad parts is she doesn't get shown much which isn't her fault, but when she does it is usually big anyway. And that at the start she was really shy, but that was cause she was suffering from social anxiety due to her father and clan's mistreatment of her so once again not her fault. In fact after a few weeks-months on team 8 Hinata was able to initiate a conversation with Naruto and even taking the initiative to help him cheat on the test. The fact Hinata improves so much after getting some proper friends and a mentor that cares about her says a lot and how much hard work she put in to change herself even a little bit.

The worse though is when they try and call her selfish for saving Naruto from Pain. Like yes she calls herself selfish, but Naruto was seconds away from certain death, like even Shikamaru wanted to help, but couldn't cause of his leg yet they say nothing about that. Yet Hinata is the only one that goes to help him and they call her selfish. Even Naruto himself would done the same if any of his friends were in danger. If anything Hinata was selfless yet was willing to call herself selfish cause she knew she couldn't win, but still couldn't leave Naruto.

Hinata is one of the best characters and she doesn't give any real reason to hate her personality wise.

[darkacademicfrom2021]

Away. So, so far away.

<<Previous part Masterlist

Alternative ending with Bucky>>

Alternative ending with Loki>>

Word count: 2,2K

Warnings: angst, incarceration, jealousy, alcohol, minor cursing.

5

Loki felt alone. In solitude, he thought of you more often than he would've liked to recognize. Magic was of no use for him to leave, but he was still able to conjure a few things. He kept going back to that picture you had hung on your apartment, hoping you'd be back and notice the picture was gone. Hoping you'd ask more questions to Thor, enough for him to lose his mind and tell you everything.

That picture took him back to the beach it was taken in. He remembers that moment so well, it's imprinted on his brain, tattooed so it'd never leave him. It was in one of the first missions you two went together.

He was in denial. He didn't want to be your friend, much less get close. You tried, you tried a lot, in different ways. You got him things that reminded you of him from other missions. You teased him, trying to match his sarcasm. You listened to him if he wanted to talk. He had started to care for you but he was still taken aback with all of those… feelings, he was cultivating. Mere seeds you were growing in his dried garden of a heart.

The mountain excursion was not a one-time thing. You did that with almost every mission, periodically searching for moments to steal and roam around the place. In that exact mission, you stole some nights on a nearby beach.

You went alone every night, and came back refreshed. Hair wet, shoes leaving a trail of sand through the hotel room, your blankets always uncomfortably sandy. Loki stayed in his bed, two individuals, reading the whole time. He didn't fall asleep until you were back. It was a dangerous place, and you left at night, after all. It was the least he could do, he thought with a sour taste on his tongue, like admitting he cared made him disgusted.

The second night you came with a handful of colorful and pointy shells, each one different from the other, picked carefully and thoughtfully. Most of them shined, or had golden lines, which very obviously reminded you of your asgardian roommate.

"They're for you", you stated excitedly, leaving them at his nightstand.

He remembers he scoffed and, without taking his eyes off the book, he said something among the lines of "you shouldn't bother being childish with me".

You didn't get mad over it. You were used to him being cold, at that time, where you were alright sharing a room and talking but he wouldn't actually talk. He was reserved, you'd say. You had a liking for quiet people, despite your explosive and loud self.

You kept the shells to yourself and didn't bring them up again. Except, the night that followed, you came back with more shells. Leaving them at his night stand, you didn't say anything and got your things ready to shower. He didn't take his eyes off the book and started saying,

"Again with that? I told you…", but as soon as he watched them, he went silent. You smirked.

"For Your non-childish Highness".

The shells were all black. All picked with especial detail to be the most pure form of black you could possibly find.

He still has those. Somewhere in the apartment he's not allowed to step into.

The last night of that mission, he joined you. You didn't even need to ask him, he just proposed to walk by your side to take some fresh air and stretch before bed. You walked around the beach, and even convinced him to dip his feet on the sea. If you would've been closer at the time, he was sure you'd thrown him fully clothed to the water.

That night he realized he could possibly care a lot more for you than he had initially thought.

He sighed, staring at the picture from his cell. Nobody was around yet. Too early —or too late. He missed you. He thought of leaving a note, and he even wrote it down many times. He is not so sure they got to you. It was part of the punishment and he had to be constantly reminded he couldn't be with you anymore.

He missed you so, so much.

"I'm so, so done with you!!", you yelled to the God of Thunder sitting across the room, just by the long bar of Stark's Tower. "You lying piece of shit, you damned…".

Thor flinched, and then frowned. It wasn't usual for you to lose your temper, much less to him. Bucky and Steve quickly grabbed you by the shoulders and told you to calm down in between whispers.

"Stark, get them a lemonade", hurried Steve.

"No, no. I want to watch this unfold", he laughed and Bucky gave him a dead glare.

"They's too drunk. This is unfair", he said, and Tony sighed.

"They doesn't get drunk".

"Damn fucking well I'm not. Get away from me, I'm trying to talk to this silent asshole over there. Come here, you fucking dipshit", you got rid of their grip and almost jumped to Thor's side.

"Very well, tiny avenger. What would you want…", he began, cheeks red from his own asgardian-sized drink.

"It's been an entire month and a week. Tell me everything you're not telling me", you demanded. He laughed obnoxiously. Loki, watching from the cell through the sphere, boiled in rage.

"Loki… is not worth your time, mortal. You should just get together with sergeant Barnes already", he spat like it was the obvious thing that should happen. Loki decided he'd stab him six—no, seven times as soon as he got to see him, with his sharpest and longest dagger.

"What on Earth do you mean by that?!".

"Calm, calm. The thing is, to save you some more pain, get over him because he's not coming back".

"What have you all done to him? I'll go get him myself".

"Don't be so imprudent. He's not coming back to you, that's for sure".

You insisted. And insisted. And Thor didn't wish his brother to look bad in your eyes, but in his opinion… he looked for it.

Thor was still extremely upset at Loki for going to Jötunheim looking for a throne he very obviously did not deserve, and then had the guts to call himself a rational man. Thor had been reprimanded by Loki himself as a careless oaf for waging war between realms a few years ago, but Loki had just done that —except he was even thirstier for power, and had more to lose.

To Thor, Loki looked for it, and you shouldn't suffer because of it.

So, he decided to lie. To save you some pain, and probably out of pity too.

"My brother took the chance and went for Jötunheim's throne", he said, and you scoffed.

"I knew that. I don't know why he isn't…", you began, and stopped as Thor raised his eyebrows. "I knew he did it after, okay? It's not like I could actually stop him. Now tell me what's next. Why hasn't he come home?".

"He… he got the same answer, that he needed the possibility of leaving an heir, so he…".

Loki watched with extreme attention. Thor wasn't going to actually say something like that, right? He knew his brother was upset, but… he wouldn't, right?

"So he what, Thor?".

"He just married a Jötun woman. She's with child. He has no intentions of coming back ever again".

Loki laughed, incredulous. You wouldn't believe that, would you? His heart was beating so fast he felt it burst open.

"He what? No, no. He didn't, you're lying".

"He did. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner".

"No… it's not true. It's not. He loves me, and I love him".

"He loves the throne even more".

You had to sit on the floor. Bucky ran to your side and you broke down in his arms. You cried so loud, Loki's chest felt like blowing up for sure this time.

He summoned an energy blast that broke every single furniture on his cell, accompanied with a scream that he was sure you would've heard from there if his cell wasn't silenced with blocking spells. He couldn't keep his anger for himself anymore.

He forgave Thor for many things. But now… He will never, ever in the almost four millennials they have left to live, forgive Thor for that.

On the roof of the compound, the sunsets were better, you always said.

You laid your back against the tiles and watched the sun with puffy eyes from last night. Loki was watching you with the half-broken sphere, and, lost in thought —much like you— didn't seem to notice James getting on the roof too. He rubbed your back comfortingly and you greeted him with a sad smile.

"Hey", he said. He spoke like you'd break down again. "How are you feeling?".

"I'm sorry about yesterday", you hurried. "I was very drunk. I don't have filters and get all intense and emotional when I drink too much".

"Don't apologize, you were right to feel that way. Loki's an asshole".

Both you and Loki flinched at that. Loki, because the damn soldier was right. To your eyes, Loki was now an asshole.

"I don't feel like I should believe Thor", you mumbled. "But Thor has never lied to me".

"It sounds crazy, I know… you were such a couple. I don't think I've ever seen that guy smile if it wasn't with you", he said, and placed a hand over yours. You let him. Loki sighed.

"I just… I can't imagine him being like that. I know he's done bad things in the past. I know his whole history with betrayal. But he's different now. I want to believe he's changed".

"Because of you?", Bucky raised his eyebrows, and you chuckled in embarrassment, nodding and putting your lips in a tight line. "Don't get me wrong, you're great. You're… wonderful. But…".

"But nothing is the direct cause of someone changing. I know. I didn't mean to sound so egocentric".

"I know. But I meant it when I said you're wonderful. That's what I've been saying all this time. You don't deserve to be stepped on like this".

Loki could feel his heartbeat race. He knew what followed now. You'd soon forget him and fall in love with the sexy supersoldier that held your hand and complimented you and treated you like the world you were, because Loki wasn't there and Loki hurt you enough to be vulnerable to everyone's eyes.

Loki was sure you hated him now.

"It's just that… I love him so much, I feel my heart shrink a little each day".

Bucky sighed, and hugged you with only one arm —the warm one. You put your head on his shoulder. He kissed your forehead.

"You'll be fine, sweetheart. I promise".

Loki stopped keeping count of how long he's been locked up. Between the time differences in Asgard and Midgard, and the fact that he had no other way to tell than to scratching a fucking wall every day, he's not so sure how long it's been.

He doesn't have the sphere anymore. He hasn't had it for a long time, now. It felt long. He isn't sure how long. His mother found it missing and went to him. His mother wasn't upset. She knew why he took it. Why he needed it.

Loki isn't sure if it's been a few months, a year or if you're already buried deep inside a grave. He shudders and flinches at the thought. But it would've happened with or without him. After all, you're a mortal. Or were.

"Loki, my son", called Frigga. He was still laying on the bed, staring at the roof. She was carrying a handful of books.

He looked up and scanned her. She was dressed up.

"The Ball", he stated, and his heart weighed even more. The Ball happened, for Earth's chronology, every ten years. He now knows, he's been locked up for five. "I assume you're planning on keeping me here for at least another… three days", he said, looking at the books.

"Loki", she warned. How could he sass her even in his current position? She thought.

"That's all you've been saying. You come here, and look at me disappointedly, and call my name with its various pet names. I beg you to stop pretending you don't know what to say. If you're biting your tongue, free it, or bite it enough to draw blood".

"It's already bleeding, Loki", she frowned, tossing his books through the walls of the cell. "I have many things I'd like to say to you. I don't think it's wise anymore".

"When am I getting out?".

"You're not getting out any time soon, son".

"I know that. I'm asking when exactly. A decade? A hundred? A millenia?", she sighed, and Loki raised his voice, "TELL ME!!".

Loki hadn't had enough time. If he were to ever see you again, he had to get out right now. And even then he was sure you'd never receive him back again.

"Now, watch your tone, boy".

Loki growled animalistically, and tossed himself back to bed.

"Leave".

His mother left. She came back a few weeks later, only to find an empty cell.

(Taglist: @lucywrites02 , @louieboo87 , @the-departed-potato , @jesuswasnotawhiteman , @idontknow296 , @beksib , @spythoschei , @geekwritersworld , @whatafuckingdumbass , @mysticunicorn7 @shadowolf993 , @joscelyn02 , @t00-pi , @selfship-mishaps , @sallymagnoliaposts , @deadgirl88 , @enderslove, @theonewiththenerds, @vicmc624 )

[dreamersscape]

In Which I Attempt to Wreak Havoc Upon Panharmonium's Heart. Or Something.

Because I am an awesome friend, clearly, and possibly making people sad/verklempt is definitely an excellent way to (belatedly 😔 but I did start before the 15th!) celebrate Kakashi's birthday, right? ;)

I will admit up front that this is nowhere near as deftly structured and compiled as your Kakashi fanmix, @panharmonium, but that is precisely why I'm not even going to try to organize all these songs into individual playlists. Yet. Plus, I have a tendency to over-explain so this way I can better expound on why certain songs remind me of certain characters. Sorry that I sorta went a little... overboard?

Everything--except a few that aren't available on spotify, I'll link to them directly--can be listened to HERE.

What I'm Looking For - Brendan Benson | Kakashi → I may be a little biased with this one because it fits SO many of my favorite characters so well, somehow, but there's just something about the upbeat/tongue-in-cheek musical cues/delivery of lines such as 'I visit hell on a daily basis, and I see the sadness in all your faces' that just feels so Kakashi to me.

Happy Ending - MIKA | Kakashi → This is presumably a breakup song, but I enjoy it so much more in a non-romantic context (and the song itself isn't really boxed in with overtly romantic framing, so I appreciate that!). Anyway, some very important instructions IMO for listening to this with Kakashi in mind: everything before the bridge is about Kakashi up through his ANBU years, but when you get to the 'little bit of love' refrain, picture Kakashi meeting Tenzo, and then becoming Team 7's sensei, opening back up to Gai, adopting all the other leaf genin, assimilating Sai and Yamato into Team 7, and it keeps building with Kakashi gaining more and more loved ones to fill the hole in his heart, and then cry tears of joy with me! Just my personal suggestion. :D

Light - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team 7 (/all his kids)

with every heartbeat I have left I will defend your every breath

→ I've seen this song used for ship vids and I'm all ????? about that because this is clearly a song about the love you have for your child! But I suppose if one of my favorite pastimes is aggressively re-interpreting love songs in non-romantic ways, I can't begrudge the opposite process... too much, lol.

Heroes - MIKA | Team Minato

your blood on me/and my blood on you/but to make you bleed/the only thing I wouldn't do/.../I wish there was a way/to give you a hand to hold/'cause you don't have to die in your glory/die, to never grow old

Long Lost Friends - Transit | Kakashi & Obito

how long/do you have to say that/this is not the person I used to know/you are not the person I used to know/.../because lately, you've been looking at me like you've seen a ghost/and isn't it obvious who's been missing who the most

→ What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck! What the heck!

Against the Voices - Switchfoot | Kakashi

'cause everybody knows/the hardest war to fight/is the fight to be yourself/when the voices try to turn you into someone else

Out of the Darkness - Matthew and the Atlas | Obito? Yamato? Kakashi? Itachi & Sasuke? Naruto & Kurama? → I'm a bit undecided about this one, or if I should just not worry about choosing one character and just let myself feel all the "inner darkness is not an innate characteristic, Danzo! They're just grieving/in a lot of pain, and they can find their way out of that dark place!" feels.

Save A Place - 1969 | Kakashi & Sasuke

so I'll keep away and save a place for you/and I'll only make the same mistakes as you/.../when all the blood all over your fingers is dried up/the pain will still linger

→ I'm not uber-confident in picking out really fitting Kakashi & Sasuke songs yet, but I hope this hits a lot of the right notes for you. :)

Thrive - Switchfoot | Kakashi

I'm always close, but I'm never enough/I'm always in line, but I'm never in love/I get so down, but I won't give up/I get so down, but I won't give up

→ See, it says right there that he's never in love! Not the crux of the song, and he's not always 'in line' either, but still! :)

Disarm - The Civil Wars | Kakashi & Obito

the years burn, burn, burn

→ I don't know how I keep collecting fictional relationships that work so well for this song, but literally every single line of this song hits so hard for these two?? Will never recover from this. (Also, I usually disregard when 'my love' pops up in the last line of the chorus, as the mood dictates. :) It's pretty incidental as is IMO.)

Renaissance - Paolo Buonvino & Skin | Sakumo & Obito & Kakashi & Naruto

let me show you one last time/let me show you one last sign/you can find it/I can't say that I can change the world/but if you let me, I can make another world for us/let me suffer all for you/make this vision all brand new/we can fight them/I can't say that I can win it all, [but] come with me and I will make my words stand tall

→ Okay, this is a very odd choice given that it's actually the theme song for a different show about the Italian renaissance (if you happen to see this, Mirjam, don't hate me!), but this could be IT! The "those who break the rules are scum, but those who would abandon their friends are worse than scum" anthem that's all about building a better world based on these principles! I really hope our sharing-a-brain talent translates to listening to this song in this way because I am feeling SOME KIND of way about this!

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb - The Oh Hellos | Kakashi → I really liked the song you chose from this album for your fanmix, so now I've feeling a tiny bit too on-the-nose with my choice, but I guess this is just a Kakashi album all around. 😆

Glass Heart Hymn - Paper Route | Kakashi(+ Obito) & Sasuke(+ Itachi)

memories as heavy as a stone/ I am empty, in my end you are my beginning

This Is Home - Switchfoot | Yamato & Kakashi (+ Team 7)

and now, after all my searching/after all my questions/I'm gonna call it home

→ All finding-where-you-belong songs are actually Yamato songs. True story!

Faust, Midas, & Myself - Switchfoot | Obito

you have one life left to leave/you have one life left to lead

→ Could this be any more perfect for Obito? It even has creepy-old-man!Madara!

Pluto - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

Always Gold - Radical Face | Kakashi & Obito/Sasuke & Itachi/Naruto & Sasuke

all my life, I've never known where you've been/there were holes in you, the kind that I could not mend/and I heard you say, right when you left that day/does everything go away?/yeah, everything goes away/but I'm going to be here till forever/so just call when you're around

→ ...but mostly Kakashi & Obito because 'there were holes in you' 😭😭😭

Lemon Boy - Cavetown | Yamato & Kakashi → You already know the delights of this song of course, but I gots to be comprehensive. :)

Everywhere I Go - Lissie/cover by Sleeping At Last | Kakashi & Team Minato

danger will follow me now everywhere I go/angels will call on me and take me to my home/well, these tired eyes just want to remain closed

→ I chose the Sleeping At Last cover for maximum angst, 'cause sometimes it be like that.

Uneven Odds - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

maybe your light is a seed, and the darkness the dirt, in spite of the uneven odds, beauty lifts from the earth

→ ...just like an earth style: mud wall :') Okay, okay, bad jokes aside, the seed metaphor of course makes me want to associate it with Tenzo, but this is clearly a Kakashi song!

Twenty-four - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito

life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago/and I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago/still I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/you're raising the dead in me/I wanna see miracles/to see the world change/wrestled the angel for more than a name/for more than a feeling, for more than a cause/I'm singing spirit, take me up in arms with you/and you're raising the dead in me

I'm Still Here (Jim's Theme) - John Rzeznik | Kakashi

and how can they say I never change?/they're the ones that stay the same/.../they can't tell me who to be/'cause I'm not what they see/.../and their words are just whispers/and lies that I'll never believe

→ Yeah, I might've accidentally imprinted on Treasure Planet as a 14 year old, and then someone made sure this song would forever live in my heart by making a fanvid of it with my favorite character from my robin hood show, but! He's still here!

See You Again - Wiz Khalifa (feat. Charlie Puth) | Kakashi & Obito/Team Minato

how can we not talk about family when family's all that we got?/everything I went through, you were standing there by my side/and now you gon' be with me for the last ride

→ I am being very unoriginal here, and there are in fact already fanvids made for these relationships set to this song (along with many others featuring different Naruto relationships), but I don't think I'll be able to rest until I translate the movie playing in my head whenever I hear this song now into an actually watchable format. After all, they have come a long way from where they began, and I intend to make that both as touching and ironically hilarious as possible!

Goodnight, Travel Well - The Killers | Kakashi → Admittedly, I got this idea from a magnificently crafted fanvid done for my robin hood show, but I genuinely think it would be really interesting to make something similar for Kakashi centered around the time he technically died but got better? I don't know how to explain it, but I think it fits quite well.

30 Lives - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi & all the people he's loved and lost → can be listened to here.

A Pound of Flesh - Radical Face | Kakashi

then today I wake up feeling easy/and find I'm on more familiar roads/I got a darkness wrapped inside me/but now it ain't so hard to let it go/so keep a candle burning in the window/I'm almost home

Hold Back The River - James Bay | Kakashi & life getting in the way of him being with his precious people (you may be sensing a pattern here) → @the road of life: Let! Kakashi! And his People! Hold! Each! Other!!! Also, 'tried to square not being there, but think that I should have been' is absolutely about Sasuke's defection and Kakashi adding it to his long list of undeserving self-recriminations.

The Fall - Imagine Dragons | Yamato & Kakashi → 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

Shadowman - K's Choice | could work equally well for Kakashi or Obito, I think

any time tomorrow a part of me will die/and a new one will be born/any time tomorrow/I'll get sick of asking why/sick of all the darkness I have worn/any time tomorrow/I will try to do what's right/making sense of all I can/any time tomorrow I'll pretend to see the light/I just might/.../and doesn't it make you sad?/to see so much love denied/see nothing but a shadowman inside

Paint - The Paper Kites | Kakashi & Team 7

still there's a wound and I'm moving slow/though it don't show, though it don't show/I've got a hole where nothing grows,/how little you know, how little you know

→ A song for just how much Team 7 doesn't know about their sensei.

Always Find Me Here - Transit | Kakashi → ...most likely at the memorial stone. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (why am I like this)

Taste - Sleeping At Last | Kakashi

it’s bittersweet, it’s poetry/a careful pruning of my dead leaves/it’s holy ground, a treasure chest/I'm on my knees and only scratch the surface/like fists unraveling, like glass unshattering/we’re breaking all the rules, we’re breaking bread again/we’re swallowing light ’til we’re fixed from the inside

Help - Hurts | Yamato & Kakashi

take my hand and lead the way/out of the darkness and into the light of the day/.../'cause I know what I've been missing/and I know that I should try/but there's hope in this admission/and there's freedom in your eyes/.../I can feel the darkness coming/and I'm afraid of myself/call my name and I'll come running/'cause I just need some help

→ NO ONE TOUCHE ME.

Your Soul - RHODES | A mish-mash of Kakashi & Tenzo and Rin & Obito & Kakashi and Gai & Kakashi vibes? → So like, 'oh you know when you're alone/I'm holding on and on and on and on/to your soul' reminded me of your 'when you're all alone...the only thing you really think about is dying' 'but when there are two of you...the only thing you can think about is surviving.' and now kakashi - who just saved his life - is asking him 'did you want to die' and yamato is saying 'no' there are two of them and yamato wants to SURVIVE. tags as well as Gai's steadfastness as a friend, and 'I just wanna hold your hand' made me think of Rin's "Well then, I'm just going to have to connect the two of you." while holding their hands, and the sunlight/'soul shine'/'your light' motif is just A Lot in this song!!

7 Years - Lukas Graham | Kakashi → Alright, yeah, there are already approximately a gazillion pre-existing Naruto AMVs for this song and even one or two focusing on Kakashi, but they don't capitalize on all the angst possibilities in many of the lyrics or reach the fluff potential of 'will I think the world is cold or will I have a lot of children who can warm me [when I'm old]' and I cannot abide that!

Putting The Dog To Sleep - The Antlers | Kakashi & Sasuke → Okay, on one hand, this song is One Big Oof. But I do like the (potentially odd) way I've conceptualized it for Kakashi & Sasuke? Like, the first half is Kakashi going through all the tragedies in his life and getting lost in ANBU, but then in the second half it transitions to him wanting to prevent Sasuke from having to be as alone as Kakashi once was and they can face life together? It makes me emotional!

Trust Me - The Fray | Kakashi & Obito

I found a friend, or should I say a foe?/said there's a few things you should know/we don't want you to see/we come, and we go/here today, gone tomorrow

→ There are a few lines that call Tenzo & Kakashi to mind, but mostly it's Obito & Kakashi.

The Lightning Strike (What If This Storm Ends?) - Snow Patrol | Kakashi → I had to, right? My mindscape is a little murky/scattered about what specifically I want to think about when I listen to this, but obviously it has to do with Kakashi in one way or another.

Kettering - The Antlers | Team Minato(???) → Honestly not sure if this will make any sense, but yeah, vague team minato vibes?

Swans - Unkle Bob | Kakashi & Obito/Rin/Minato/Kushina/Sakumo → They should be by his side always!!!

Looking Too Closely - Fink | Kakashi → I honestly feel rather ambivalent about this one too, but I can't deny 'truth is like blood underneath your fingernails/and you don't wanna hurt yourself, hurt yourself/looking too closely' always destroys me because... well, you know. I love suffering. :(

Souvenirs - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Obito & Rin

wolves - Switchfoot | Kakashi

snowfall for the battlefield/roses for the father's sons/see them red on the ground:/bleeding/when the revolution came/we were more than hungry men/we were hoping for more:/bleeding/end. begin again./all of my world is collision and spin/hope is a world that has yet to begin/awaken, oh sleeper/awaken, oh sleeper/a new day begins

→ I wanted a wolf-related song too. :)

PRODIGAL SOUL - Switchfoot | Obito, Itachi, & Sasuke; just all them wayward Uchiha boys

Coming Down - Dear Euphoria | kid!Kakashi & his relationships

the shell/that I wore/it wasn't for fun/it wasn't to make you/stick around/it was for survival/it was what I've learnt/it was for the sun/.../our love has grown/our love has flown

→ Another one I'm a little unsure of whether it makes sense outside of my head or not, but I like the vibes?

Ghosts That We Knew - Mumford & Sons | Kakashi & Yamato? → Hmm, can I maybe submit this as a Kakashi-&-Yamato-just-need-to-mske-it-through-this-war-so-they-can-have-a-bright-bright-future song?

All Is Well (It's Only Blood) - Radical Face | Kakashi → ...he said as he's bleeding out or after he's thrown himself in the line of fire protecting someone he thinks is a better person than himself...

Bleeding Out - Imagine Dragons | Kakashi

when the hour is nigh/and hopelessness is sinking in/and the wolves all cry/to fill the night with hollering/when your eyes are red/and emptiness is all you know/with the darkness fed/I will be your scarecrow/you tell me to hold on/oh, you tell me to hold on/but innocence is gone/and what was right is wrong

→ In a similar vein to the previous song. But goodness gracious! Were they NOT straight up describing Kakashi here?

Amaryllis - Shinedown | Yamato & Kakashi → Just tossing this one out there, not sure if it will make sense or if it's a reach... but I like it?

lost 'cause - Switchfoot | Kakashi & Sasuke

are we a lost cause?/or are we just lost 'cause/we won't be the future we refuse to see?/and if I'm your lost cause/it'll be your lost 'cause/you won't see me as I am, the possibility/that I'm not the enemy

→ 214 feels. (And before and after that, but yeah.)

Through the Ghost - Shinedown | Kakashi & Obito

so many silent sorrows/you never hear from again/and now that you've lost tomorrow/is yesterday still a friend?/.../everything that mattered is just/a city of dust/covering both of us/did you hide yourself away?/I can't see you anymore/.../did you hide yourself away?/are you living through the ghost?/did you finally find a place/above the shadows so the world will never know?/the world will never know you like I do ... like I still do

Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men | Kakashi → Just Kakashi having little chats with his ghosts, totally the most heartwarming way to conclude this section. 😅

Sleepyhead - Passion Pit | Kakashi → Just kidding! Here's a slightly less morbid song for the Most Tired Boy Of Them All.™ (Random aside: this was my customary song to listen to on my walks to 8AM organic chemistry classes; I found it strangely soothing! On a different occasion, after a particularly long day for her, one of my roommates didn't have the energy to make it to her bed but nevertheless requested a lullaby from us. So I obliged by playing this song for her, but she didn't seem to gain the same peace of mind from it as I did. 😄 I know it's not my place to propose anything like this, but it does amuse me to imagine bookends!Kakashi in these situations, even though it's not OChem classes he has to go to.)

General/Miscellaneous:

Rise Above It - Switchfoot | Ensemble

don't care what they're telling me/we can be what we want to be/.../just because it's law doesn't mean that it's fair/.../don't believe the system's on your side/.../the curse is spoken/the system's broken; rise above it

→ I mean, how could I not think about Naruto when this song also has the lines 'hear us sing tonight like the last night on earth/we will rise like the tide/like dead men coming back to life/we are rising, rising'? It's fun to be literal sometimes!

Doorways - Radical Face | Allllll the traumatized children → Someone has to put all those tragic childhood flashbacks to good use, after all.

Ghost Towns - Radical Face | take your pick of Itachi, Sasuke, or Post-Kannabi-Bridge!Obito

there's no comin' home/with a name like mine/I still think of you/but everyone knows/yeah everyone knows/if you care, let it go

Blinding Light - Switchfoot | Hey, Hiruzen? You may have coined the phrase, "children are the king" but I don't think you truly understand it... (insert Princess Bride joke here)

hey boy, don't believe them/we're the nation that eats our youth/.../still looking for the blinding light/still looking for the reason why/still looking for the sun to shine/all my life I've been living in the darkest night/still looking for the blinding light/to take me higher and higher

Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine | EVERYONE → ...but certainly so much you could do with Itachi & Sasuke, Obito & Kakashi, Shisui & Itachi, even Hashirama & Madara! Sakumo's teammates turning their backs on him and saying 'I don't know one thing about my brother's blood'?!?! There are SO MANY ideas I have for this song! It gives me chills and makes my brain scream.

We Need Each Other - Sanctus Real | Ensemble → Already mentioned this one to you, but I have to include it here for thoroughness' sake!

Whispering - Alex Clare | the Hidden Leaf's lost/ostracized children/orphans

who will care for the falling?/who will care for the falling leaves?

So this is probably a strange concept to come up with and apply to this song, but the 'whispering, whispering, whispering' parts brought Konaha's virulent gossiping/passing judgement about others and often kids they don't even know problem to mind, too, and yeah?

The World You Want - Switchfoot | Ensemble → If I were to make a fanvid set to this song, I would definitely keep a broad focus, but I can't deny that the lines 'you start to look like what you believe, you float through time like a stream, if the waters of time are made up by you and I, I could change the world for you, you change it for me' FOR SURE has strong Obito & Kakashi/Kakashi & Tenzo vibes.

Red Eyes - Switchfoot | Ensemble, but definitely many dashes of Uchihas 😄 → I would like to thank Masashi Kishimoto for creating a world where red eyes are a Thing of Importance so I can one day make a fanvid using this song in not just the tired or teary bloodshot-red eyes way, but in a very literal sense too.

TAKE MY FIRE - Switchfoot | The Will of Fire → 'Cause I think I'm sooooo clever. 😄

Above The Clouds Of Pompeii - Bear's Den | various parent & child relationships → This obviously derives from the not-caring-about-your-female-characters problem, but it always gets me that all the single parents in the Naruto universe are almost invariably the fathers! I guess sometimes you can safely guess that the mothers are still alive/exist, but either way we hardly ever get to see them. :/ The one exception I can think of right now is Kurenai, but maybe I'm forgetting another conspicuous single mother. Anyway, I don't know if this helps or hinders more a potential Naruto fanvid for this song, but regardless, it still gives me feelings?

Who We Are - Switchfoot | Ensemble → It just makes me inordinately happy that the chorus for this song starts with 'who we are (in the fever of our youth)', you know? :D

Brother - Kodaline | all the friendships we can stuff in here and then some → Quite a well known song I'm pretty sure, but I love how many dynamics one could showcase in a potential fanvid of this. And, not gonna lie, 'oh brother, we go deeper than the ink beneath the skin of our tattoos' deserves to be used in some sort of Tenzo 'n' Kakashi or Team Ro fan creation!

Special Bonus:

Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine | Kakashi & Obito → I'm not sure whether I would have realized how well this works for Kakashi & Obito on my own, funnily enough, but then I found this fanvid of it (containing only scenes you've seen naturally!) and it hit me like a ton of bricks. It's so well done!

[fluidfox123]

Follow up rambles from this amazing post about Raph's plurality you should totally read if you want to. I would also like to thank the Constellation System (@december-rains) for giving me feedback on my grammar usage that I kinda messed up on and helping me with figuring out some information I couldn't decide on! You guys should totally check lune out!

Also, once again, please don’t screenshot/repost this post without my permission. I know it’s “only headcanons” but I would rather you ask before doing so. Also you can reblog since that’s not reposting.

Updated info:

Origin: Traumagenic and Protogenic (Mixed Origin System)

Savage is also Trauma-Locked (see the last post for the rest of his roles/identities, linked above)

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Headcanons:

- Red is reckless and hard-headed. He's usually the one who does dangerous stunts for fun and gets angry the quickest. Even though he's pretty blunt as well, the guy is still pretty hard set in getting the rest of the system and turtle brothers through difficult times. An example of this is when Raph's brothers continued to eat poison despite it being, well, poison and fought with Raph over babying them or them learning to actually solve things by themselves. Red wasn't trying to say that they shouldn't ask for help in any sort of way, but he wanted nothing more than Leo, Donnie, and Mikey to learn how to do things without depending on Raph so much or just continuing to be irresponsible. It's unbelievable for Red that they won't even go out on missions a lot of the time despite them all collectively agreeing to be heroes. - Red is a foodie and has more than once ate so much food that their body suffered major stomach aches and gotten really sick. Mind scolds him each and every time. - Raph watches spy/action movies frequently ever since Red introduced them to him when he was younger. Sometimes rolling around and pretending to point a gun everywhere when on missions/patrols. All his brothers tease him for it. - Red and Raph sometimes co-front whether intentional or not. This causes them to be unsure of who is fronting or/and blur together. This often happens when Red decides to be involved with Raph's brothers without Raph leaving or because the body is in danger and he needs to quickly move them out of the way, only taking enough control to only move the body and protect it. Only on rare occasions do they co-front for long periods of time, especially since it is still fragile for them, and if it's focused on too much one will be forced back. - Red's voice is a lot rougher and a bit deeper than Raph's, despite the two being harder to discern from one another compared to everyone else in the system. - Mind practically lives in their inner world and it's rare for him to ever front unless it's to take care of the body, comfort someone who is fronting (usually by co-fronting and for example comfortingly rubbing the bodies arm), they've been forced to front (Red and Raph have been forced away/other reasons), or because they were positively triggered by something in the outside world that causes them to front (Like the strong smell of cinnamon or song Mind may love). - Mind is a very calm person, everything about them is practically soothing. They usually are the one everyone goes to for advice and comfort because it's something they radiate constantly. They're pretty peaceful but could practically kill you with their stare of disapproval when something bugs them. They're not very blunt, liking to think things through and adjust to the person they're around and talking to, making sure that they say what they know will get through to them or that Mind's presence isn't bothersome. Plus, they're practically the Mom friend but actually takes care of you like a soft-spoken mother. His ideas may not be the best but he tries his best to help everyone in the system and helps Raph with the people on the outside when he's having trouble. - Mind has a thing for bubbles. He loves the way they pop, make little soapy rainbows, and how much of a mess it makes after you've blown a whole bottle. In the outside world, Mind will practically jump to the front to blow some bubbles if offered. In the Inner World Mind's Station has bubbles floating around it constantly. - Mind might not be the best singer when it comes to anything fast or really upbeat, but slow and lullaby-like songs are his thing for sure. Mind has distinct memories of Splinter singing to the turtles when they were younger and learned it to help Raph and Savage when they're scared, upset, or unable to sleep. Mikey once asked if he and Splinter could do a lullaby duet. They said they would, but they haven't yet. Everyone wants nothing more than to hear it so they're all waiting for the day that two of the best lullaby singers put on a show. - Mind's blue eyes glow dimly,

making them a bit otherworldly than everyone else. His voice is pretty feminine, quiet, slow, and soft. He speaks the most formally out of everyone besides Donnie. - Mind likes to braid their mask tails from time to time. Red always compliments the look when he sees it. - Mind keeps track of everything within the inner world by using a very large computer. Using files and keywords in a search system to organize and find information easily. - Savage is someone who hates fronting. Practically avoids it at any cost and the only time he does front is when he's forced to, and it's always forced. He's emotional, most of the time non-verbal, and the most untrusting of everyone else out of everyone in the system. He hates the world outside just as much as he does the Inner world if not more and he wants nothing but for the outside world to never exist in the first place. - Savage is 6 years old, the youngest out of the system. - Savage is pretty silent and only speaks when he's distressed or so angry that he's on a warpath. He might be seen as the stereotype for the "evil alter" for systems, but he's not. He's far from it, in fact, and never intended to reinforce something so hurtful. He's simply a little kid who's forced to front when Raph's left alone for too long, and the pain and loneliness of being the worst feeling in the world. Even if he is the only one who can take it. But, despite his loathing for existence, he's a sweet kid. He loves strange animals, rock candy, and climbing things. He has fluffy pillows and likes the piece of brown cloth always wrapped around him, it comforts him and it's his own personal little blankly for wherever he goes. - Mind is the one who takes care of Savage, constantly giving him first aid for his climbing accidents, bathing him after he's dirty from his cuts, and playing in the sand/dirt in the Inner World. Mind is the only one Savage somewhat trusts out of the whole 2 worlds, and the only one he can even think to feel safe with. - Savage loves animal crackers. - The little Snapping turtle has neon bandaids constantly littering his skin other than bandages and bruises. He has no pupils and has gotten the nickname white eyes for that reason, it being the only nickname he'll allow people to call him other than his name. - Savage is the one out of everyone in the system that looks closest to a dinosaur. - He likes hanging from branches with his tail and digging pointless holes with his claws. - It's canon that Raph has a peanut allergy (Mascot Melee), but I feel like he's also allergic to Pineapple. - Mind pitched the idea when the body was a pre-teen to wear bracelets so everyone on the outside knew who was there, even if Red and Raph are the ones always present. Red wears a red thread bracelet similar to this:

Mind wears a blue, white, and turquoise bracelet that looks similar to this:

Raph usually doesn't wear one, but when he isn't fronting for an unusual amount of time, anyone else being the host would wear a bracelet to show Raph is co-fronting/co-conscious with them. The bracelet being a pink, yellow, and white mini rubber band bracelet Mikey made for him when he told him about Mind's idea:

And, even though Savage doesn't front, Mind made sure to include him by having a neon lime green triple rope bracelet:

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That should be it for now! That's mostly the information for their system other than their Inner World, but I haven't really made anything for that yet, so I guess I'll make a third post for that eventually! Thank you for getting to this point! It really means a lot! Asks are open if ya'll wanna send one in about any of this!