#it is still that way bc i have accidentally structured my life around this dynamic

[performing-personhood]

Other people: Yeah, prioritizing yourself can be a struggle, self care is hard. :(

Also those people: covered in tattoos, own nice new clothes, going on vacations, getting regular haircuts, can regularly be found with takeout coffee and sometimes at breweries.

Me: Prioritizing myself is a real struggle. Self care is almost impossible without concerted effort.

Also me: has been planning three tattoos for 15yrs, buys new clothes from fast-fashion only when the old ones stop being wearable in public, has not taken a trip longer than a weekend that did not involve interpersonal labor (wedding, new baby, graduation etc.) in nine full years, been drinking only coffee and water for two weeks because 12pks of soda weren't "a need."

This is not a flex, i am a broken human.

But we are not the same.

And until I know for a fact that at least one of those other people has made sure to carefully request a birthday gift under $25 shipped - so that they could experience the rare, indulgent pleasure of getting something they wanted while also being careful to make as minimal an impact on reality as possible -

I wish people would stop pretending they know what this fucking feels like.

[eerna]

I think the big problem witht the fan service in TPT was that it was to throw in your face.Fan service is good when you fell natural but simultaneously you could tell that is fan service.I rolled my eyes at taryn divine punishment it felt like she gave the fans what they wanted since qon(the whole taryn didnt got a punishment was always funny to me they were acting like having locke as a husband wasnt one)

I understand why HB tried to please as much people she could with it since from what i saw even people who enjoyed her other faerie books weren't big fans of TSH.I agree with J and C don't make good mcs anymore thei arcs endet and most of their problems were solved in a good note.

TPT tried to be a lot of things at once:

1.Fan service

2.the conclusion of the story

3.a bridge for her undersea book

4.Romantasy( marketed like this)

And fails at being a good structured story.(for a book marketed like a romantasy the romance was so little and rushed at the end)

From what i saw a lot of people started hating wren after TPT wich i understand in a measure since she was so little and most of her scene were not in a favorable light.(shes still my fav Tsh character and i love her but her arc was practically non-existent)

I enjoyed oak a lot maybe bc im a sucker for his type of character but i think it could have been done more with his character.

I don't know how a undersea book in jurdan pov will be but i dont think it would be a good one since what they will narate especially in the undersea!

Yeah, you laid it out very well. I am NOT above fanservice. I friggin love the stuff. Case in point: the way I was SO INSANELY HYPED for TPT because they promoted it with Madoc household content which are words to my heart. But the issue is when the fanservice overshadows everything else. Case in point: Wren becoming a side character in her own duology so that Oak's main storyline can happen with Jude. I legit can't blame anyone who hates her after TPT because oh my god her writing was SO BAD in that second book. You can't just have your character do the vilest cruelest thing in the world to her love interest and then remove her from page and later say that she was just manipulated and blackmailed into being mean and is ready for love now. Imagine if the everapple scene happened and then Balekin convinced Cardan to give him an oath of allegiance that kept Cardan on Madoc's side for the rest of the plot except for romance scenes and then in the end he and Jude still got together. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO WREN. Well not exactly because she had a POV book first BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.

Even the Oak-Jude storyline was not all it could have been. HB tried to give them a similar dynamic that Madoc and Jude had, where Oak isn't sure if Jude truly loves him and if she would sacrifice him if she suspected he worked against her. But there is no real tension because we KNOW Jude would never do that because like. That's the entire point of TFotA. I think that Oak slowly growing to resent his family was a fantastic concept, but the book barely gave it any screentime before it was solved. It's like HB didn't want to do anything too uncomfortable because this time around she would have to make Jude and Cardan his problematic parental figures, and that goes against every single rule of fanservice. So we get the worst of both worlds: Oak is a messed up kid doing very self destructive things that Jude is responsible for, but we can't explore them or treat them as very bad because that would make Jude look bad, and who wants to read a book about their fave girlboss accidentally ruining her baby brother's life? (Me I do oh my god I was looking forward to it so much I am still heartbroken)

There's still hope that the Undersea book won't be Jurdan POV, and I am manifesting it so much, because you're so right I have 0 confidence that I would like it.

(Marrying Locke was all the punishment Taryn needed fr. Rest in pepperoni loser)

[captaingondolin]

those are too many wips. 

here’s a list with brief summaries, and then you can tell me what to finish first because i am suffering from big time choice paralysis. anon is on. ask away.

ace Obi-Wan vague idea: what it says on the tin. it was going to involve teen Obi-Wan, friendship with Quinlan and Luminara. in which Obi-Wan is interested in sex... in theory. academically. he’s his suave, charming self, and will experiment for the hell of it. (i was slightly uncomfortable with the premise of, basically, a fic about an asexual character all about... well, sex. but i wanted to work some shit out and what better way than overprojecting over fictional characters?)

Anakin in lingerie: just polishing up an old tumblr post. modern AU.

Anakin in makeup obianidala: again from an old post with subskywalker. but i wanted to give it a structure

Ani5dala FIX IT: OH MAN I WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS. i have tons of notes and no energy to proceed. in which Fox has a plan to keep Fives alive, Fives has a plan to keep the Republic alive - but Anakin is being a butt and Fives needs Pamé’s help. (probably Anakin and Fives were together before? + anidala open relationship, i was thinking, but idk yet)

AWOL Cody: oh boy, i started plotting this for my pod-together 2018 project with litra. in which Obi-Wan is declared KIA, but there is NO BODY and also suspicious footage/Ahsoka saw something and Cody is NOT having it so he goes on a solo mission to save him. codywan.

Darkness is but a passing thing: same as above, it was supposed to be written in 2018, good grief. post rots, sort of time-travellish, i’m not saying more bc most of the plot was litra’s and idk if she wants to share.

Detonate: translation into english of my italian obikin smut, which i promised ages ago.

enemies to colleagues to lovers codywan: this, but with a proper outline this is now being Properly Plotted. there are mindmaps. and a Scrivener file.

Jedi OC: from a prompt from last year’s rarepair exchange: Male Jedi Who Accidentally Keeps Causing Property Damage/Male Owner of Said Property (words written: 0, but the idea was funny)

Laurea traduzione: eng translation of my italian modern au obikin

Leia using the Force: a messy messy file with more than one idea in, actually. i wasn’t sure wether to go with child or teen Leia (post Princess of Alderaan plot) but then i got distracted with making Leia and Kaeden meet. Ahsoka/Kaeden.

million: from a fic exchange request in which someone said they’d read “a million words” of Bly and Aayla being disgustingly in love. just that. with a side of codywan (the irony of Bly being all like “ugh, THOSE TWO” fuelled the first few hundred words).

obianidala with nb Anakin: wait, isn’t this kinda related to the Anakin in makeup one? my plotbunnies are a mess. maybe from this or this post.

ObiBail Empire Era AND OR others: frankly. a disaster mess probably inspired by the beginning of Til the casket drops and Wild Space.

ObiBail obianidala Breha super poly dinner: this post, but in fic form

ObiBailRex: this one is funny. i found the first few sentences handwritten in a notebook and i have no memory of where i wanted to go from there, but damn, i liked those. Obi-Wan forces Cody to take some leave, and Cody forces Rex to play babysitter to his General and his Senator friend. shenanigans ensue.

storms: ahahah, another fic pending since..... uuuh...... the clone wars exchange from, again, 2018? (how much shit did i sign up for that summer? i was in the midst of moving!! why am i like this). sorry perspicacia, if you’re even still around. preparing for that fic was how i got in to obi/rex tho? and it still doesn’t have a plot.

unhinged Obi-Wan vs Grievous: this, but with a plot. if i can find the plot. why is plotting so hard? no plotting, only cool scenes. (sith/fallen!obi getting the 212th to follow him and go rogue?? maybe?) see “enemies to colleagues to lovers” above

when the numbers get to zero: a Rex/Padmé i love a lot but that, as usual with ALL my damn fic, has no structure. inspired by the blue shadow virus eps. (i posted a snippet ages ago - oh wait, here’s another one)

now onto the folders!

keep verse

untitled about other Clones finding out, and the consequences. “It’s Bly who finds out first through the GAR grapevine. Cody was supposed to be dead - and suddenly he wasn’t.”

Pilots (ot era)

Oblivious Pilots - The entire Rogue Squadron is made of oblivious disasters. They share one braincell, and Nawara is the only one who’s actually using it. 

Dark Imperial AU - Luke is raised by Vader. but when he meets Wedge and Tycho...

Skystrike Academy AU - Luke is raised by Owen, Beru... and Obi-Wan. And he signs up to train as TIE pilot as part of a Resistance plan

WedgeTycho - the tiniest spark of an idea. Alderanian philosophy, Tycho being pretentious, sad, grieving, and in need of a hug.

SitS - A Light from the Shadows

SitS stands for “the Sith in the Senate”, the working title for this epic I’ve been plotting since 2018 that might never see the light because I went “I want a well-adjusted, non traumatised Obi-Wan!”, build a whole new canon around that ......and then got bored of it, obviously, since I love to see Obes suffer. but there were tons of things I liked and maybe I should rework it somehow? (it was supposed to be obikin. then obianidala. then i think i got distracted and got Cody to flirt with Obi-Wan. who knows at this point. what if I throw in Jango)

soft now verse

parts 2.1 and 2.2 are there and almost ready and filled with clones feels (yes, this was a fix it obianidala fluff, but CLONES)

Space Dads Extraordinaire

Hope in Unexpected Places pt 2 and maybe 3 or maybe that’s a separate story? I have feelings about smol Boba interacting with Obi-Wan and learning to trust him, but don’t know how to handle them. There should also be the bit where they find Jango’s pet strill, which I promised to Lulu like a year ago.

the life and opinions

this is a cursed title, i started a fic with a similar title in another fandom almost 15 years ago and never finished it. it was supposed to be a biography of Rex and his rise through the ranks and into an AU where the vode have their own governing body. a shitton of Rex and Cody brotherly feels but maybe also ship? why can’t i pick a dynamic

Thrawn

browser history - Thranto moments told through Eli’s holonet searches

your silence is my favourite word - Emperor Eli angsty smut

new rules - Emperor Eli AU, but make it reasonably happy

see me like this - Emperor Eli AU, angst cranked up to the max

bb Thrawn - Thranto AU in which Thrawn is a weird child, the Chiss have some more contact with humans and Eli & Thrawn meet as kids

forgotten words - Thrawn growing up in the Empire, raised by Palpatine. 

[melto]

anyways. kamen rider w pushing daisies au

i think it they would fit into the premise easily and i also think that their dynamic would lend itself to working around them not being able to like physically touch. like i specially feel insane thinking about them in the context of the plastic wrap scene HJSKHJFKDSJKG

shotarou would fill the role of ned and philip would fill the role of chuck bc literally i do not think philip would give into the temptation to bring his childhood best friend/crush back from the dead after not seeing them for years lol BUT it does feel like something stupid shotarou would do even if it resulted in killing someone else

plus i also think it would be just a little funny for shotarou to have accidentally killed akiko's dilf which would then make it so somehow philip was in the custody of her hot dad but i think that works out fine because pushing daises has a plot about how chuck's mother isnt really her mother and stuff so it could be with philip finding out that hes not his dad as he gets to know his sister (unknowingly at first), who he would be visiting in secret to check on her since they always had a strange connection and didnt want her to be all alone now that she thinks hes dead and all; he WOULD get to tell wakana in the end about what happened to him but :p but shotarou age like 10 or whatever, touching his mom who died and bringing her back only for akiko's hot dad to die across the street, and then for his mom to die again when she gives him a kiss goodnight is how he'd find out about his shitty fucking power but YEAH he saw his dead childhood crush and went oops! and brought him back to life and now they are in love but cant touch one another, but also are now roped into solving crimes with a detective who discovered the power (terui); shotarou then will bring people back from the dead for the 60 seconds he can before its permanent and someone else dies in place to get information to help solve the shit and everything which is just sorta a side thing they do now, because shotarou would still be the pie maker which is just fun. i just think its a cute thought of him owning a pie bakery and like using his power to revive the dead fruit so stuff doesnt go to waste and then he gets to have philip run it with him and yeah. Feels good on my soul i will say. and like i said before i think they would navigate the whole cannot touch thing well bc they would both be able to commit very easily to it and know how to still offer intimacy the other needs. like shotarou focuses on verbally expressing it more while philip finds ways they can physically express it but most importantly they are so in love with one another and committed to being partners in everything that it would simply work<3 shotarou turning around in the kitchen and philip throwing the plastic wrap over his face suddenly so they can kiss, philip installing a taxi like plastic structure in the car with the gloved hole so they can place a hand on the others thigh while driving somewhere, staring at one another lovingly while holding their own hands behind their back so they can pretend that they are actually holding the other's........it would all be fine, because they still have eachother also like canonically ned brings his childhood dog back from the dead but i think here he would bring mick back from the dead for philip...and terui would have to be like. middle man a few times of like holding their hands so by proxy they could be like holding each others but they do that mostly to embarrass him and once akiko comes back into the picture (she comes for a visit in her home town unannounced and waltz in to the pie shop and she sees philip, her brother who is supposed to be dead and goes crazy and doesnt leave again) because they think its funny and one time they both kissed his cheeks at the same time and said it was like they were kissing and his knees almost gave out but yeah. i am having many thought. i Simply think their dynamic would thrive in this narrative and im a homosexual<3