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lemoniiiiiii · 26 days ago

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bed chem (short n' sweet)

(colin zabel x fem!reader) your internship just got more interesting...

warnings / content: not really proofread, age gap (reader is 20-22, colin's like 32-34), swearing, perv!reader tbh, NSFW - masturbation (toys) + fingering (fem receiving), p in v

(this fic is a part of my short n' sweet collection!) a/n: every time i listen to this song i think of colin like he's just so... AHHHHHHHHHH i've literally had this idea since the album came out! tried to incorporate as many lyrics as i could idk how well i did tho!

the easttown police department wasn’t exactly a hub of thrilling action. that was probably a good thing for the town, but for you, it made the days of your internship drag endlessly. stuck behind a desk, processing minor domestic disputes and petty incidents, the hours stretched out. you couldn’t help but wish that, just once, you’d be allowed to join an officer out in the field. to witness a slice of the town's life up close instead of through dry reports. but no, you were stuck in the back office, relying on your imagination to fill in the blanks while you typed up incident after incident.

on this particular afternoon, you were making your way down the hallway with a precariously high stack of files balanced in your arms. you could feel the papers shift, hear the quiet rustle of their movement as they started to slide. panic gripped you briefly—this was going to be embarrassing. you were already imagining the cascade of documents scattering across the floor, how you’d have to drop to your knees and scramble to gather them up, probably while everyone watched. just as the stack tilted dangerously to one side, a hand swooped in, catching the top section before it could tumble.

"here, lemme help you with that," a man said, accompanied by a friendly smile. a smile too relaxed, too bright for this quiet, indifferent corner of pennsylvania.

grateful, you gestured toward your desk a few feet away. "thanks," you mumbled, trying not to sound too embarrassed as you placed the files down with a sigh of relief. he set the rescued papers down beside yours, glancing at you with a foreign look. like he actually saw you as a person instead of the intern that does the shit no one else wants to do.

"you doin' okay?" he asked. his concern seemed genuine, which again, took you a second to process.

"yeah! yeah, i'm good!" you responded, a little too enthusiastically perhaps, as you straightened the files in a futile effort to regain your composure. "thank you."

the man chuckled softly. "you know, sometimes it’s easier just to take the two trips." he shot you a wink that made your pulse quicken. "speakin' from experience," he added, leaning a little closer as if sharing a secret. "when i was in your shoes, i had to learn the hard way."

the chief called him over and, after a charismatic "duty calls" farewell, he walked off. you sat down at your desk, face hurting from the corners of your mouth being lifted for so long, but you couldn't bring them down.

you buried your face into your arms, letting your forehead rest against the cool surface of the desk for a few minutes. if anyone saw the flush creeping up your cheeks, you’d never hear the end of it. you took a deep breath, trying to shake off the feeling, willing yourself to get back to work. but the more you tried to focus, the more impossible it became.

why? because guess whose office was in clear view of your desk? mare's. and guess who was now in mare's office quite adorably rehearsing a conversation with himself?

yeah... you were done for.

the man's lips moved slightly as if he was practicing lines for a play, his brow furrowed in concentration, and every so often, he’d run a hand through his neatly cropped hair, or shake his head in disapproval, looking entirely too charming for his own good.

you needed to find out who he was right away. what was he there to talk to mare about? was he a detective? why couldn't you stop thinking about him pinning you against a wall?

unable to live with the mystery you pushed yourself up from your chair and marched over to the nearest officer, your pulse still racing. "hey—uh, hello." you cleared your throat, trying to sound casual despite the warmth still lingering in your cheeks. "who’s the cute guy in mare’s office? you know, uh.."

wide brown eyes, chiseled jawline..

"navy jacket- big briefcase."

the officer looked up, raising an eyebrow at your blunt description before glancing toward the office. "county guy chief brought in to help with the katie bailey case," he replied nonchalantly. "last name's zabel if i remember right."

you nodded, pretending like that was enough to satisfy your curiosity, but then another officer nearby chimed in with a smirk. "that’s him? poor guy’s gonna be in for it."

they quickly devolved into their own conversation, talking shop and completely forgetting you were even standing there. under normal circumstances, their dismissal might’ve bugged you, but you had bigger priorities now.

back at your desk, you grabbed your phone and opened up a browser, your fingers flying across the screen. within moments, you’d found him. detective colin zabel of delaware county. recently praised for solving a cold case involving a missing 10-year-old girl—a feat that had earned him respect in the force and beyond.

you couldn’t help but grin. of course he was the hero detective. it made perfect sense. but now that you knew who he was, it didn’t make the butterflies in your stomach any easier to ignore.

when mare had finally arrived, you watched the awkward interaction between the two of them. colin outstretched his hand only for her to disregard his formalities. you saw it coming, but it didn't make it any less painful to observe.

you waited until she had left (which wasn't very long) to discreetly travel over to the office. the door was open so you knocked on the frame.

"it's not personal. she's got a lot going on" you said with an understanding smile.

at the sound of your voice, colin turned around, giving a deflated chuckle towards your remark. "you er- saw that whole thing?"

"my desk is right there" you said, pointing, the two stacks of files barely touched. "sorry i kinda.. visually eavesdropped"

"no worries-" colin briefly smiled at your humorous confession then looked away. "uhhhhhh- did you need somethin'?"

"just wanted to introduce myself" you said, extending your hand out. "i'm y/n"

when he firmly took yours in his, your eyes couldn't help but flicker down and notice the veins that decorated them. a thought crossed your mind about where they might show up on other parts of his body.

"that's a pretty name"

you looked up from the grip your two hands were intertwined in, colin's attentive dark eyes on you.

"thank you.." you said softly, pulling away. shit, why were you out of breath? "uhm- i read about that... that case you solved? amazing work"

"oh- that was- i'm not-" he scratched the back of his head, trying to find words to minimize the accomplishment. you didn't know what was more attractive—hearing him stumble over his words or his humility. "we brought her home you know? that's what matters"

you nodded earnestly in response. "100%... well let me know if you need anythin'. i know people here can be a bit closed off but it's not all that bad."

"yeah thanks... nice to know i got a friend already" he smiled.

a friend... for now.

seeing as he was always in the back of your mind, and you couldn't care less about filling out reports, daydreaming about colin became your favorite past time. and every smile, every corny joke he greeted you with only fueled your crush.

it wasn't long before you noticed he had his eyes on mare, but the way he stared at you while you spoke about your criminology major... crossing his built arms, leaning forward on his desk to show you he was really listening. the way he'd routinely check on you and stop by your desk to chat....

for god's sake he started to get you coffee every morning.

there had to be something there... right? something more between you than mere camaraderie.

you definitely thought so. and thought about it often.. in bed.

eyes closed, you pictured colin's body hovering over yours. you could discern his toned figure from the form fitted button-ups he wore.. he'd have absolutely no problem picking you up and turning you over, manhandling you... though he probably wouldn't. he's too sweet for that. so sweet... and yet no ring? colin seemed like the type of man who should've had a wife and 2 kids by now...

maybe you could be the one to give that to him.

not now of course.

one day though.

still thinking of him you reached down into your panties, playing with your delicate folds in the caring manner you imagined him to have.

"so beautiful" he'd whisper, pumping two slick digits in and out of you at a sensual pace.

gasping moans escaped from your mouth as your fingers moved faster, the squelching sound of your fluids filling the room.

"that's it... god, i love how y'sound..."

belt unbuckled, he'd pull down his pants and boxers in one swift motion revealing his hard cock ready to drive into you. from underneath your bed you grab your dildo—oversized and veiny as colin would be and removed your now-soaked underwear.

he'd smile against your lips as he slotted himself between your legs, your body accommodating as he entered. after he'd ask (quite endearningly) if you're okay, you'd quickly nod, giving him permission to continue.

you try to imagine the expression of lust on his face... the sound of his deep groans in your ear as you fucked yourself gently, attempting to emulate your bodies rocking together in synced movement, the riveting sensation of the veins against your walls sending shockwaves through your body.

"fuck... oh my god" you panted, feeling the heat build up in your core. you were close.

"let go, i've got you... taking me like this, you're doing so well... makin' me feel so good..."

you increase the pace at which you pummel the dildo into your quivering cunt, eyes rolling back as you reach your climax, your body left trembling.

with colin, your sure you'd probably both arrive at the same time.

but for now you just had to live with unsatisfaction of not feeling his warm release coating your insides.

the next morning the chief had called you into his office.

a grin spread on your face as the he detailed the new program the department was implementing, how you'd finally be able to shadow an officer like you'd hoped when you first applied for the internship.

"any officer you have a preference to be paired with?"

you turned your head and caught colin's gaze through the office window. he was deep in conversation with mare, but when he noticed you, he gave a small wave. you smiled back, feeling a slight flutter.

"yeah, i’ve got someone in mind."

extra note: part two coming (hopefully soon!) it'll be based off the song "busy woman"!

tags (ask to be added or removed anytime!): @fear-is-truth @juliamaximoff @jazz-berry @violetsghosts @quickreider @tiffysdeath @honeymoon8

#honestly writing this was kinda funny i love making reader a little unhinged #this has been a wip for like a month and a half #this is a very self serving write #colin zabel #mare of easttown #colin zabel smut #colin zabel x reader #evan peters #evan peters smut #evan peters fandom #evan peters x reader #evan peters fanfic #lem's short n' sweet collection

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heeseung-min · 1 month ago

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[22:00]

Yang Jungwon has been always jealous of his brother. Being first in everything, getting everyone appreciate him, even his parents favor his brother more than him.

"Jungwon, come here. Your brother brought someone. Introduce yourself."

His mother said delightfully. Looks like she is so proud of the person his brother came with. Jungwon rolled his eyes and walked closer to them and finally sees the person his mom was talking about.

Jungwon couldn't explain how he feels at that time. He went speechless when he sees you shyly standing beside his brother while looked at him. His brother immediately introduced your name although that made Jungwon annoyed a little bit because he wants to hear your voice not his brother.

"It's rare for you to bring a girl to our house."

"Well because she is not just a girl. She is my girlfriend."

His mom screamed happily at his brother's remark but Jungwon didn't feel the same. He left the conversation and went straight to the table to dine the food his mom prepared. The dinner went good with his mom asked few questions on you such like when you started dating, about your family, your work and more. The conversation mostly focused on you and his brother. Jungwon wanted to leave the table since he felt his presence is not needed until he heard your voice calling at him.

"What do you do now, Jungwon? Your brother told me you just finished your college weeks ago."

"Um, well I don't have specific job right now. I just do part time when I'm free and at the same time I started planting some of fruit trees at our grandma's garden."

"That's awesome. Is the small garden at the front yard is yours?"

"Yes. I planted some flowers ---"

Jungwon's mother cut him off before he can even finish his sentence. His mom keep asking questions and questions leading to keep your attention focused on her. His brother also didn't care about Jungwon and keep talking between them only. Jungwon huffed slightly and went to wash his dishes before entered his room.

His face flushed when he remembered how focused you were listening to what he said. Usually, his mother or brother didn't pay attention on what he does as long as it's not embarassing their image, it's fine. He felt warm when you genuinely praising him. He loves it.

And maybe he wants it more.

"Do you like the flowers?"

Y/n looked at her behind and found Jungwon slowly walked and crouched beside her and stare at the flowers she was looking at.

"Yeah, the daisy looked so beautiful when I see it in front of my eyes. I didn't expect a man to plant flowers."

"Why? I think planting is really fun."

"Most of men thinking it was too difficult and planting flowers usually done by women. Even your brother thought like that."

Jungwon chuckled when he heard that sentence. Of course, his brother doesn't deserve to have you. Useless prick. He didn't know how to take care of woman properly.

Jungwon and Y/n started to get closer. But Y/n treat him literally like a younger brother and Jungwon is dying to get out of that zone and want more than that. That day, his brother went out to work while his mother was out to visit her friends and Jungwon was pretty sure it will take a long time so he wanted to use the time wisely to spend it with you.

He went out of the room and saw you were sitting in front of the piano on the living room. Seems like you wanted to try to play but didn't know how to so the notes that coming out sounds funny. He walked closer until he is behind you. While you still didn't realized someone has been standing on your behind, Jungwon took the chance to slide his hands on yours and hold it gently. Hearing you gasped and felt your hands shaking a little bit made him smile.

"Jung- Jungwon? What- what are you doing?" You stuttered through your speech. Jungwon didn't say anything but he started to move both of your hands on the piano.

"I'm teaching you." Just a short sentence from him and your tense body slowly relaxing. Little by little, you started to enjoy it and both of you lost in the time playing the piano with each other. Jungwon even taught you some simple songs that you can play on the piano.

"Thank you so much, Jungwon. It feels really nice."

"I'm always here for you, noona."

There are another week left until your marriage with Jungwon's brother. Everything has been prepared but you are still nervous about the ceremony.

"I hope everything will be fine."

"I'm sure it will. We did good so far."

Jungwon's brother reassured you. He knew you are the type to easily get nervous so he did his best to not make it too stressful for you.

"Hyung, can you take mom from her friend's house? She asked for it." Jungwon suddenly said made both of Y/n and his brother looked at him. His brother just nodded and stand up to take his coat before went out of the house.

"Be careful, okay?"

"Will do, baby."

Oh,

Jungwon certainly sure it will not.

Three hours have passed yet your boyfriend and his mother is still not back. Jungwon did told that her mother's friend house is not too far and they should be back in 30 minutes. At first, you tried to stay positive thinking that they may go to somewhere else before going home. However, when your text messages and calls didn't get answer you became paranoid.

"Jungwon, do you think we should go find them?"

"Let me try to call mom's friend first."

Before any of both of you can do anything, Jungwon's phone ringing. He picked up the call and you can read from his reaction, it seems something bad happened.

"Noona....they were in a hospital."

_______

Jungwon's happiest moment in his life was the day he got to married with you. He still can't believe when you said yes to his proposal after few times you've been refusing. The second happiest moment when he decided to sabotage his brother's car that night.

When the doctor announced that his brother and mother did not survive from the car crash, he nearly jumped out of excitement. He had to control himself since you were beside him sobbing uncontrollably. He played his role as a hero so well that you never figure out he was the killer.

"I love you so much, Y/n."

"Love you too, Jungwon."

OH MY GOD YALL🤡🤡🤌HOW LONG I TOOK THIS TO FINISH GOSH SO SORRY FOR DISAPPEAR FOR TOO LONG😞😞i hope yall still didn't forget me

TAGLIST💟: @stacey-stonem @duolingofanaccount @rowretro @eeunoia @soireegurl @obsessed1with1straykids

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sofs16 · 1 year ago

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rehearsal?

my first lando fic hehe

lando norris x influencer!reader

fc: madeline argy

liked by landonorris, and 2,484,595 others yn u gotta loveeee spring time

view all 123,586 comments

liked by 653,686 others landonorris freshhhh

view all 172,585 comments

landowins LETS GOOO MONACO

liked by landonorris, mclaren, and 3,272,228 others yn humahumahuma

view all 83,686 comments

ynlauver whats a humahumahuma

⤷ yn @ynlauver idk… when do we ever know what i’m saying tho

mclando4 mclaren wyd here 😋

━ yn just tweeted !

yn @yn • 1h

STUPID FUCKING STUPIDDDDDDD

15:22 • 05/27/23 from earth • 543k Views 54k Reposts 10k Quotes 143k Likes 10k Bookmarks

Replying to @yn amelie @ynsbaee • 1h WHAT HAPPENED MOTHER?

Replying to @ynsbaee yn @yn • 41m your mother is an idiot. WHO CALLS QUALIFYING “REHEARSALS” AND THINKS THE CARS GO IN ONE AT A TIME AND SAYS IT TO THE FUCKING DRIVERS IM SO STUDPIC IM GOING TO MFKSSM 😭😭😭

jess @ynsracetrack • 30m

is yn talking abt f1.. HELLO?

15:52 • 05/27/23 from earth • 1,383 Views

21 Reposts 11 Quotes 943 Likes 2 Bookmarks

Replying to @ynsracetrack lia @ynloml • 1m THE FUCK SHE MET LANDO AND OSCAR

ynupdated

liked by landonorris and 13,383 others ynupdated NEW| Yn with Lando Norris at the Monaco Grand Prix! Via @ mclaren

view all 235 comments

landonoririzz lando.. we see you…

landohasrizz so proud of our boy! met his long time crush 😵‍💫

⤷ ynxoxo who wouldnt have a crush on my wife?

liked by landonorris , charles_leclerc, and 4,978,808 others yn @ landonorris @ oscarpiastri @ mclaren is my public apology for calling qualifying “rehearsals”

view all 1,228,334 comments

landonorris Anytime! You looked great today 🧡

[ COMMENT DELETED ! ]

landonorris Had a great time at rehearsals with you! [ COMMENT DELETED ! ]

landonorris Anytime! Hope you enjoyed 🧡🧡🧡

[ COMMENT DELETED ! ]

landonorris Anytime! Hope you’re enjoying Monaco so far 🧡

⤷ yn oh believe me, i did ;)

landonoriszz lando😭

mcla1en user landonorris has stoped working

oscarpiastri We had a good laugh, all good! Enjoy the race tomorrow 🧡🏆

━ yn just followed back @ landonorris ! ━ yn just followed @ lando.jpg !

━ @ lando.jpg just followed back @ yn!

ynupdated

liked by 2,586 others ynupdated NEW| yn with a fan leaving the Monaco gp with P2 champion, Lando Norris! view all 112 comments

yncutiebae oh we’ve lost her.

liked by landonorris, and 7,383,595 others yn mans got p2 and made me drive. i see how it is, norris. + sun here has got a GRIP on me view all 1,218,596 comments

ynwifeys HARD LAUNCH WHAT

ynmotherly mother knows what she did putting that last slide in her hard launch

landonorris Well, I am a passenger princess and you’re a better driver 😁🧡

⤷ yn awwwieee our lil lando princess ❤️😊

⤷ landonorris youre ruining this for me

⤷ yn buckle up sweets, you're in for a lot more! youre stuck with me for the week! ⤷ carlossainz55 landonorizz ❌ landohasrizz ✅

lando.jpg

liked by yn, and 843,585 others

lando.jpg day 4

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f1over giggling. lando following back yn even if he doesnt usually follow back people (literally only follows his main and daniel’s jpg acc 😭)

yna @ynlandos • 4d

guys is ynlando still alive.. they havent interacted with each other since monaco … 😓

17:21 • 12/27/23 from earth • 12k Views 2k Reposts 532 Quotes 5k Likes 112 Bookmarks

replying to @ynlandos lia @ynloml they can’t be over, i refuse.

landonorris

liked by yn and 3,282,596 others

landonorris Word on the street is me and my gf broke up? Huh? Lando NoRizz never took off for a reason 🧡 Happy 7 months @yn lovely 🫀

view all 1,119,495 comments

carlossainz55 Lando Norizz certainly took off, what are you talking about, my muppet friend?

oscarpiastri Bet you’re grateful you were the one who brought up Yn to be invited to the GP 😂

⤷ landonorris shhh pastrami shhhhh

⤷ yn thanks babe

liked by landonorris, and 7,338,696 others

yn i’ve done a lot of researching over the last 7 months to the point i can become the team principal! (andrea this is a JOKE IM SORRY). anywyas, love u my cutie patootie photographer @ landonorris loveulovuelovu

view all 1,670,707 comments

landonorris i am NOT a cutie patootie!

⤷ yn fine, no cuddles ig

⤷ landonorris IM A CUTIE PATOOTIE,NEVERMIND

#lando norris x reader #lando norris #landonorris #mclaren #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris imagine #lando norris fanfic #formula 1 #formula one #lando norris x female reader #social media au #smau #lando norris smau #lando norris social media au #madeline argy #f1 fanfic #f1 imagines #lando 4

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mars-ipan · 4 months ago

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HEY FOLKS!

sooooo. remember when i was posting about being up way too late for a powerpoint thing i was doing with friends? yeah i'm posting that final powerpoint now.

allow me to introduce you all to...

THE KOMAHINA BIBLE

(aka a demonstration in unmedicated ADHD)

120 slides. 163 MB. somewhere between 14 and 22 hours of work. sleep deprivation. influence from @anonzentimes , respected komahina scholar. this bad baby has it all this is a powerpoint presentation summarizing and analyzing just about everything you need to know about komahina in sdr2 (and a bit from adjacent media as well). we go in-depth and we prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that komahina real and love wins (loses?)

WARNING: THIS CONTAINS MAJOR END-GAME SPOILERS FOR SDR2 (AS WELL AS DR1). IF YOU WISH TO REMAIN SPOILER-FREE (OR YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO KEEP SPOILER FREE (YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE)) THEN DO NOT VIEW THIS POWERPOINT PRESENTATION UNTIL YOU KNOW. I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU HAVING BEEN SPOILED

ok cool! some other things to keep in mind under the cut:

THIS IS LIGHTHEARTED THIS IS LIGHTHEARTED THIS IS LIGHTHEARTED. IF YOU DO NOT SHIP KOMAHINA THAT'S LITERALLY SO FINE I KNOW THERE IS KOMAEDA SEXUALITY DISCOURSE GOING ON RN FOR SOME GODFORSAKEN REASON KNOW THAT I DO NOT THINK EVERYONE HAS TO SHIP KOMAHINA PLEASE I'M LITERALLY A MULTISHIPPER PLEASE. PLEASE DO NOT CRUCIFY ME FOR FUNNY YAOI POWERPOINT

i made this powerpoint in two sittings across 2 days, each sitting about 8-12 hours long

i got about 7 total hours of sleep in that time. not for each day- total. i was mad scientist delirious by the end of this

originally, i wanted to include far more- i wanted to analyze other media in depth (like the stageplays, the drama CD, komaeda's official songs, and even official art and materials) but i did not have the time for it. maybe i will make a new testament powerpoint detailing these as well as fandom analysis but that is not currently in the works

this is a presentation! as such the intended way to consume it is As A Presentation! unfortunately i am not someone who records videos so i cannot present it to you. if you would like to present it to you feel free. if you would like to present it to your friends feel free. if you would like to present it to the internet i'm honored but would like for you to talk to me about it first. cool

the original target audience for this was my friends and not all of them are anime people so. i am using the more english-friendly terms (as well as first names). i don't think this will bug any of you but i'm making it clear anyways

all art included in the presentation is credited with a caption linking back directly to the original artist's account. if you see your art in here and you do not want your art in here: let me know! i will take it down immediately and without question.

i may have missed some details/glossed over some things! if you think i've made a mistake somewhere or have missed something important, talk to me about it! i'd love to discuss it and if i make the new testament sequel powerpoint then i will include your corrections at the beginning :)

a lot of the jokes i make happen in the transitions of this powerpoint. some of them use audio- click on the little speaker icon to play the audio and time the animations yourself i suppose. i'd recommend playing it as a slideshow ^-^

have any questions about a particular point i make? ask me! i will elaborate for you

ok that's all i can think of!! have fun folks :]

#marzi speaks #danganronpa #sdr2 #komahina #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #<- i put so much energy into this thing best believe i am maintagging it #OH ALSO. the link is a shared google drive link that takes you to the powerpoint so you can download it. it is safe i prommy #ANYWAYS i really loved making and giving this presentation. have a powerpoint night with your friends it's a blast #komahiners i hope you like this beast. it took a piece of my soul with it i'm pretty sure. i learned a thing or two as well which is crazy!#bc i thought i knew them like the back of my hand. but actually there's even more i don't know. i need to find a translation of the drama C #ok that's it!#rejoice! komahina bible be upon ye!

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thisapplepielife · 4 months ago

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Written for @corrodedcoffinfest.

Settle For This

Day #22 - AU | Word Count: 1000 | Rating: E | CW: Sex Acts, One F-Slur, Abuse of Power (Eddie's Not Mad At It), Brief Reference to Recreational Drug Use (Weed) | POV: Eddie | Pairing: Eddie x Gator, Minor Steddie Mention | Tags: Modern AU, Fuck The Police, Literally, Blowjob, Semi-Public Sex, But No Speeding Tickets Here

"Fuck the police," Eddie says, slamming his hands against the steering wheel. The van can't outrun the oversized penis metaphor of a truck behind him, red and blue lights flashing, so he eases to the shoulder.

"Goddamnit, Eddie, I told you to slow down ten miles ago!" Gareth yells from the back, trying to hide the last of the weed.

Jeff's up front, and Goodie's sprawled out across the middle row, both dead to the world.

They can't afford a speeding ticket, and definitely not anything more, if the guy's a real dickhead.

The cop taps on the window, and oh, he's for sure a real dickhead.

Stupid camo pants, stupid thigh-holster, and douchebag tattoos he definitely picked off a flash wall. This dimwit from the Stark County Sheriff's office is just gonna fuck up Eddie's whole night. Eddie can see it now.

He doesn't even give an opening spiel, just taps his nightstick on the side of the van, "What're you? Some sort of band? 'Spose yous guys are on tour, eh?"

"Yes," Eddie answers, trying not to sound sarcastic. But honestly? Did the logo give it away?

"Well, what kind of music do y'all shitbirds play?" he asks.

Eddie would rather just give his license and registration.

"Heavy metal," Eddie says.

"I like Metallica," the cop says in his thick accent, as if Metallica isn't the most well-known metal band in existence, but Eddie just nods.

"I'm gonna need you step out of the vehicle," the officer says, and fuckity fuck, fuck, fuck.

Fine.

Whatever.

Just get this over with.

He's led to the back of the patrol truck, parked behind the van, lights still flashing, bouncing around in the darkness.

"I'm Officer Tillman, Gator if you're nasty," he says, and Eddie blinks at him. Did he really just say that?

And Gator? What kind of name is Gator? Makes Goodie sound normal.

"I'm gonna have to give you the once over," he drawls, and then he's frisking Eddie, too rough, too long, and way too interested in what's between Eddie's legs.

"If you want to fuck me, just say so," Eddie snaps, and the hand that was brushing against him clamps down, squeezing his dick.

Eddie wills himself to not get hard. On principle.

"What'd you say to me, faggot?"

"I'm not the one squeezing cock, now am I?"

Gator lets go, but keeps patting Eddie down.

"I ain't got nothing on me. I'd suggest a cavity search, but I think you'd like that a little too much, wouldn't you?"

"Don't make me handcuff ya."

Eddie grins, "Don't threaten me with a good time."

Eddie gets shoved against the tailgate of the truck for his trouble, and a knee slides between his legs, pushing upwards.

And a hand, big and rough, grabs a fistful of Eddie's hair, pulling. Hard.

His dick is a goddamn traitor, because that does it. He's fucking hard against this asshole's thigh between one breath and the next.

Fuck it.

Eddie grinds down, and briefly wonders if he's really fucked now. If he's gonna end up in jail, or worse.

But Gator pulls back, and his hand is firm on Eddie's shoulder, pushing him down, down, down to his knees, forcing him into the gravel.

Eddie hates that he isn't mad about this. Hates that he wants it.

Eddie goes.

And Gator is looking down at him, holding some intense eye contact, as he starts unbuckling his belt. Eddie watches and licks his lips. The dick that he pulls out of those camo pants is big, and thick, and Eddie wants nothing more than to put his fucking mouth all over that cock.

Eddie sticks his tongue out of his mouth a little, an invitation, and Gator steps closer, taking it. Eddie wraps his hand around the thick length, and guides it towards his mouth. Rubbing the tip against his bottom lip, before sliding it all down, nose to pubes, showing off.

Gator groans, and grabs a fistful of Eddie's hair. Eddie doesn't mind that at all, and starts sucking his dick in earnest. Enjoy the stretch, the musk, the sore jaw that comes with the territory.

And when Eddie flicks his eyes up again, Gator is sucking on a goddamn vape. He can't even smoke a cigarette like a real man, apparently, but he definitely thinks he's big and bad.

Eddie will just have to bring this fucker to his knees, as retribution.

"Fuck me," Gator moans, and boy would Eddie like to do just that. But right along the highway, as deserted as it is, seems unwise.

He'll have to settle for this.

And Eddie bobs his head, wet and hard and intense, as Gator claws at his scalp, pulling his hair, forcing himself deeper. Eddie's sure he thinks he's getting away with something here, but Eddie wants him that deep.

Wants him to swallow him fucking whole.

"Oh fuck," Gator says, and then lets out a wounded noise as he comes against Eddie's tongue, down his throat. Fucking filling him, still grinding in.

When Eddie finally pulls back, he's sure he looks thoroughly debauched, as he demands, "My turn."

And to Eddie's utter surprise, Gator slips his vape into his pocket, moving to his own knees.

Back in the van, after, Gareth is all up in his business.

"What the fuck? Did you fuck a goddamn cop?" Gareth asks, leaning over between the seats. "I didn't know you were serious when you said fuck the police, Eddie. Fucking hell."

"Didn't get a ticket, did I?" Eddie says, answering without answering.

"That's like, illegal. You could have him charged. Abuse of power or some shit," Gareth says.

"Well, that's a thought. But I'm not dissatisfied with the way my night went."

"How? Why?!" Gareth screeches.

Eddie turns, and grins, "Did he not look like Steve Harrington?"

"No, he didn't look like Steve Harrington. He looked like a fucking douchebag!" Gareth argues, exasperated.

Eddie shrugs.

He looked a little like Steve Harrington.

#corrodedcoffinfest #prompt twenty-two: au #eddie munson #gator tillman #eddie x gator #gator x eddie #eddie munson x gator tillman #minor steddie #gareth stranger things #jeff stranger things #goodie (unnamed freak) stranger things #freak stranger things #corroded coffin fic #ccf day twenty-two: au #thisapplepielife: corrodedcoffinfest #thisapplepielife: short fic

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f1version · 11 months ago

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ONCE UPON A DECEMBER ‧͙*̩̩͙❅ CS55

pairing: prince!Carlos Sainz Jr. x princess!reader ( she/her )

summary: Once upon a December, be loved by Carlos was something your heart used to know.

warnings/info: royalty au — not in the present, angst, fluff, non explicit character death (you don’t see it happen), fighting, revenge, reader is 20 and Carlos is 22. also lewis and lando are extras in this, charles is mentioned.

word count: 1.2k

note: literally how did we get here. this was supposed to be holiday-themed, but i guess is just winter-themed, kind of. In my defense, the story starts on the 25th and mainly happens in December. I couldn't resist, this song just transported me to another reality.

i was deeply inspired by the song: once upon a december by christy altomare. i listened it for as long as it took me to write this. enjoy!!!

snowglobe, a holiday special

You stood by the window, red dress covering the high heels on your feet. Almost eight minutes had passed since you asked to be left alone in your chamber. You are anxious; a small part of you is afraid of the royals in the ballroom, which is why the golden band on your finger is twirled over and over again. It's calming. Fourteen days ago, there was a red diamond surrounded by white. Fourteen days since those lovely days in early December, warm brown eyes shimmering as your world watched you walk down the aisle.

You smile. Loving Carlos is past, present, and future now, wrapped in his arms for an eternity.

“Mi amor,” a deep voice reverberates around the room; it’s not foreign, yet you give a small jump out of your feet, caught off guard. You turn around, and Carlos is standing before you in a black suit, adorned with medals and a sash wrapped around his figure. He gifts you that blinding smile of his as tender fingers reach your hand, prompting you to twirl for him. “You look beautiful." There’s a pause. “I don’t believe there are enough words to let you know.”

“Thank you, mi vida,” you smile. “So do you.”

Hands travel to your waist, holding you close. His fingertips slide down the red fabric, roaming your corset as he leans down to press a chaste kiss on your lips. “Are you ready?” He asks, “It’s almost time to greet our guests.”

“I am ready,” you answer, looking down, verifying your theory that Carlos doesn't have shoes on. “Though you don’t seem so ready, Carlitos.”

“Pequeños detalles, mi amor,” Small details, my love, he teases, and you laugh, “It’s snowing, did you see?” He changes topics, holding your waist firm as he turns you around, avoiding any small incidents. “White Christmas for us.”

You had barely noticed, too focused on remembering. The gardens, kingdom, and beyond are covered by a thin layer of snow, the sun glimmering over them. “It’s beautiful”

“It is,” he mutters, walking forward so his chest is pressed against your back, his chin resting on your shoulder. “Almost as beautiful as you, mi princesa,” he plants two kisses down your neck. “Soon to be Queen."

You giggle, never been happier. Having Carlos by your side, giving you all the love one could wish for—the love that you deserve—is calming, so for the first time in months, you allow yourself to think about turning 21 early next year, the crown falling over your head as the rightful ruler of this land, Carlos by your side as Prince. It isn’t as nerve-wracking as it used to be.

You turn around, lips looking for his and falling in perfect rhythm. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

You’re home building in the eyes of the others when there's a knock on the door, and as permission is given, Ms. Danielle appears. “Excuse me, Your Majesties, it’s time for your entrance."

“Oh god, Carlos, please go put on your shoes!" you exclaim, pushing him slightly. Carlos laughs, sneaking a small kiss on your lips before running away. “Thank you, Danielle."

One blink of a memory takes you down the stairs, the dim glow of the ballroom wraps around people you know and soon will. You and Carlos have parted ways to create small talk with said people; he's across the room, laughing at one of the awful jokes the Prince of Monaco loves to tell. Around you, there’s a group of kings and queens, dukes and duchesses, lines of royal blood enchanted by your presence, questions and anecdotes, laughter, and gossip taking your attention.

A firm grip on your arm turns you around, and now Sir Lewis Hamilton, Head of Army, is in your line of vision. You smile, except unsettling eyes meet yours, and suddenly, if you remember well, laughter fades into screams. People you know, will know, and could’ve known run frightened. You are under attack, and soldiers start defending. Carlos is screaming, giving them orders. He's helping people get to safety, but nobody is giving it to him.

You want to run towards him, but you are ushered away. You can’t see him any longer; the hands keeping you safe are not the same as they used to be. And you try to leave the safe room, knowing you are trained to fight for it, but they don't let you. They don't let you fall by his side.

Memories fade, jump, and dance. You’re in a meeting room, tension is building up as seconds prance through time. Sir Lewis is defending a point. You feel anger strangling your body. “You must have kept him safe!”

“They took him way before we could reach him, Your Majesty,” he argues.

“How?” You scream. “Do we not have enough people? Where were those who swore to protect his head?”

“They were defending, protecting, or dead before we noticed,” he defends. “Carlos was focused on protecting the people too.”

“I do not care.” You feel lightheaded, fury arrogating your body. “He must have been moved to the saferoom with me.”

“You are more valuable than he was."

“He was soon to be your prince!”

“And you are our future queen,” he shouts back.

Silence falls over the room, and you've never hated your future title so much. You feel eager for it, yes, but not for the right reasons.

“I wish for you to look me in the eye and repeat all of it, Lewis,” you say. He stands still, dropping his tense shoulders, and doesn't say anything. You walk closer, eyes buried in his, searching for malice—there’s none; they’re grieving. “Know your place, Lewis.”

He nods. “My apologies, Your Majesty.”

“I want you to find him,” You demand, not breaking eye contact, “No matter what you must do or how much time passes, I want the man who killed Carlos gone.”

There’s a sudden hunger in his eyes as he nods, leaving the place. You turn around, but you’re no longer in the meeting room. Scaping the sea of memories, you face your reality.

You stand by the window, red dress covering the high heels on your feet, patiently waiting for the right person to enter the room. There’s no anxiety in it; there’s anticipation—the golden band twirling around your finger over and over again.

It’s a beautiful snow day. Fourteen years ago, you were standing right here, mid-December, with a pair of brown eyes loving you, caressing you, and not having enough words to describe you. That type of love is barely a memory, buried six feet below his statue in the gardens he so dearly loved.

There’s a knock on the door. “Your Majesty?"

“Yes, Lando?"

“Sir Lewis is back; no severe injuries,” the boy announces. You hum, already knowing his next announcement: “He’s dead.”

You smile, looking down at your ring. “Thank you, Lando. Get back to your duties now.”

And as the curly-haired leaves, you wonder if this is what revenge feels like. Cold loneliness with a sense of fulfillment. There’s a crown heavy on your head with a target on it, but you are not bothered enough to care about it. Long ago, you could have held mercy over the man terrorizing kingdoms around you, fought until his defeat, but now feelings as such are things your heart used to know.

Your faint memories of Carlos lie in rest, avenged on a white December morning.

taglist — @smartstupyd @ziarah @nouvellevqgue @iloveyou3000morgan @carsgovroomm . . . add yourself here

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luvangelbreak · 9 months ago

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Deprived | Fourteen

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 matthew sturniolo x layla venita (female!oc) summary: everyone knows the story of the bad boy and the good girl but what happens when the school's most popular boy, Matthew Sturniolo, and the girl who notoriously is never there, Layla Venita, cross paths. warnings: swearing, smutty smut smut, oral (fem!receiving / male!receiving), fingering word count: 3.6k a/n: i kinda went off with this one?? i kinda fucking ate??? i actually am so proud of this chapter????

pov: layla

I don't know what was going through my head. I didn't understand why I was doing what I was doing. I never wanted to be this close to someone, figuratively and literally, but something felt different about Matt. He gave me something I had never felt before and I couldn't figure out what it was.

I hated it at first, it made me never want to see him again. But instead, I felt myself drawn towards him soon after our drive to McDonald's. His sense of naivety, innocence and pure love for the world made me want to protect him from it. I knew I would destroy it if I stuck around too long but selfishly, I wanted to be the one to show him what life was like outside of his beautiful little bubble.

So I popped it and leaned in to place my lips against his. He didn't move for a moment and I thought I had made the wrong move, maybe he didn't want this. But then that feeling washed away when his mouth moved against mine gently, his lips sliding against my own in a soft and caring manner.

It was like that for a moment, soft and delicate just like he was. But there was a switch, a moment of passion and adrenaline between us and I moved to straddle his waist, a heavy breath leaving his lips when I did so. He placed his hands on my waist, gentle fingertips gripping the warm skin of my hips so softly as if he thought I would break if he pressed too hard.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, sliding myself forward as I tangled my hands in his brown curly hair. I couldn't stop myself, my body felt like it was out of my brain's control as I pressed my body against his further as our mouths moved in sync. I'd kissed people before, I'd been this close physically to someone before, but it never felt like this.

There was always a disconnect, a gap no one could ever quite fill. There was never a passion, a longing to hold someone so tightly as if you were scared they would slip away at any moment until this point in time.

I rolled my hips forward over his own, a groan emitting from his mouth that ignited a fire in my stomach that I couldn't ignore any longer. I repeated my actions and I felt his hands gripped my hips ever so slightly tighter.

"Layls," he mumbled breathlessly against my lips and I barely pulled away, still rolling my waist back and forth against his.

"What is it, pretty boy?" I asked softly, catching his lips in mine again quickly before I pulled back again, this time opening my eyes to see his cheeks had a tint of pink across them, his lips slightly puffed.

"Are- are you sure this is okay?" he asked quietly and I smiled at his genuine concern before I nodded.

"Mhm. Are you okay with this?" I asked in the same hushed tone, using my fingernails to scratch the nape of his neck lightly and he nodded, "I need words."

"Yes," he answered quickly before leaning forward, connecting his lips with mine again. There wasn't a hesitance to his actions anymore, his hands gripping my sides unapologetically as his hips began rolling into my own.

A whine escaped from my lips as he squeezed my hips and I felt him smile against my lips, the heat building between my thighs as every second passed. I pulled his bottom lips between my teeth, biting down lightly, a hum emitting from him. I kissed him gently again before biting his lip ever so slightly harder eliciting a moan from his lips.

I pulled back and looked down at him, a smirk on my lips as I said, "Matthew Sturniolo, do you have a pain kink?"

"A little," he answered quietly, looking up at me with dilated pupils as his eyes glazed over with lust and a smile on his lips.

"Cute," I mumbled as I leaned forward, placing my lips on his and he melted into me again.

I began grinding my hips against his again and he let out a small, "Fuck."

"Matt," I breathed heavily as I continued kissing him, "You don't have to be so gentle."

"I don't wanna do something you don't like," he responded quietly, placing a kiss on my lips as our breathing got heavier.

"I'll tell you if I don't just please..." I trailed off as I tugged on the hairs on the nape of his neck and I moved to trail kisses down his jawline before I whispered in his ear, "Touch me."

That was all he needed before the switch flipped in his brain, his hands travelling from my waist to grab my ass roughly. I let out a heavy breath, still trailing kisses down his neck before I sucked on the skin just below his jaw. He let out a groan and unexpectedly I was flipped over onto my back, a gasp leaving my lips from the sudden movement.

He sat between my legs, leaning up to slide his shirt off of his head and I stared at his torso in awe. I never got sick of looking at him and I'd spend all day just staring at him if I could.

"You okay?" he asked while crawling over me, placing his hands on either side of my head and I nodded, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him down to my lips again.

He trailed his right hand down to my waist, gripping it lightly before his hand slowly made its way up my shirt. He smiled against my lips when he reached my chest, realising I wasn't wearing a bra.

"Can I take this off?" he asked against my lips, tugging on my shirt lightly and I nodded. He leaned back and I gripped his forearm to pull myself up. He grasped the hem of my shirt, sliding it up my body at a teasingly slow pace as I lifted my arms up, allowing him to pull it over my head before throwing it onto the bed beside us.

I fell back onto the bed and I looked up to see him staring at me below him. Instinctually, I covered my chest and stomach with my arms but Matt reached his hands forward, gently grabbing my wrists and pulling my hands away from my body slowly.

"Don't hide from me, pretty girl," he whispered as he leaned forward gently trailing kisses down my neck as I tilted my head to the side to give him more access. He made his way down to my chest, looking up at me as if to study my reaction as he kissed between my boobs making me shudder.

He pecked kisses all over my chest as I tried to steady my breathing. I felt slight anxiety being so exposed to him, the vulnerability making me feel uncomfortable but I didn't want him to stop. I let out a whine as he wrapped his mouth around my left nipple, using his hand to knead my other boob. I tilted my head back, my hands finding their way to his hair before tugging on it slightly making him groan around me.

As he sucked and licked my chest, I shifted on the bed. The ache between my legs was becoming unbearable as he began lowering himself further, kissing down my stomach and I sucked in my stomach subconsciously. He paused, looking up at me as I let go of his hair.

"Why are you doing that?" he asked softly and my eyebrows furrowed.

"Doing what?" I questioned back and he placed his palm on my stomach.

"You don't have to suck in your stomach, pretty girl. I think you're beautiful just the way you are," he looked at me with a soft smile and I sighed, letting my stomach return back to its normal shape. He smirked up at me before trailing kisses along my waist. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of my shorts before mumbling, "Can I take these off?"

"Please," I pleaded, lifting my hips up to show my urgency. He chuckled as he leaned back further, pulling my shorts down before I kicked them off my feet. He leaned back over me, placing his left hand beside my head to hold himself up as he kissed my lips again.

He suddenly cupped my pussy with his right hand over my underwear making me moan into his mouth. He began circling my clit painfully slowly and I bucked my hips upward to make him hurry up.

"So impatient," he mumbled against my lips before he pulled his hand away making me whine from the loss of contact. He continued kissing me before he slid his thumb on the inside of the waistband of my underwear making me shudder. He teasingly dragged his thumb against my skin before he pulled back from me, sitting back on his heels to look down at me.

He hooked his hands inside the waistband, looking at my face for any sign to stop as I shifted under him. He pulled my underwear over my legs at a slow pace before I kicked them off my feet like I'd done with my shorts moments prior. I clenched my thighs together, insecurity flooding me again and he ran his hands along my thighs. Wettness was pooling between my legs so much that I was convinced I was dripping onto the sheets below me.

"You okay?" he asked while squeezing the flesh of my thighs in his palms and I nodded, "Words, baby."

"I'm okay," I mumbled, still holding my thighs together as I placed my arms over my stomach, "I'm just completely naked and you're still in jeans."

"You want me to take 'em off?" he asked, a smirk on his lips once more and I nodded quickly. He began unbuttoning his jeans while looking into my eyes as I breathed heavily. He undid the zipper before pulling them past his waist, sliding them over his knees and kicking them off his feet. My eyes trailed down his body seeing the imprint of his dick through his black boxers making me bite my lip. His hands travelled back down to my thighs, gently pulling them apart before he stared down at my pussy.

"Don't just stare at me. Do something," I demanded impatiently and he chuckled, shuffling down so his head was between my thighs as he lay on his stomach. He trailed kisses down my thighs, sucking and biting at them every now and then as I whined, "Matt."

"What is it, pretty girl?" he mumbled against my skin and I threw my hands back, balling the sheets between my fists.

"Please. I need you to do something," I asked quietly and he chuckled against my thigh. The scruff on his cheeks brushed against my thigh as he made his way down to my core, wrapping his arms around my thighs to hold them in place.

He licked a stripe up my core making me whine loudly from the sudden friction. That was all the confirmation he needed before he wrapped his lips around my clit, sucking and licking softly as moans tumbled from my mouth. I moved my right hand to his hair, tangling it between my fingers as my hips shifted to grind against his face.

I tugged on his hair roughly eliciting a moan from his mouth that travelled straight to my clit, the vibrations making another loud moan fall out of my lips.

"Fuck, Matt," I panted as I tilted my head back, my back arching in pure pleasure. The hair on his cheeks added to the sensory overload I was feeling, my thighs clenching around his head making him hum against me. He removed his hands from around my thighs, one of them reaching up to grab my boobs roughly as the other joined his face between my legs.

He slowly inserted a finger into my pussy making me pull on his hair once again as he moaned into my clit again. He began pumping his finger in and out of me slowly as he pulled his mouth away to look up at me, his chin dripping with my wetness making him somehow look even sexier than before.

He ran his tongue across his bottom lip before pulling it between his teeth and my breathing became more rapid. He carefully added another finger and I clenched around him as he looked down at my pussy in awe. He let go of my boob, quickly finding my hand that was gripping the sheets beside me and threaded our fingers together before his head dipped back down to my core.

The sensation of his hand in mine, his hair running against my thighs as his mouth worked on my bundle of nerves while his fingers quickened their pace made the knot in my stomach tighten and I knew I wouldn't last much longer.

"Matt," I moaned out as I pulled on his hair even tighter as he hummed against me, "I'm gonna-"

My words were cut off by a moan and I squeezed his hand tightly. I pulled his head impossibly closer towards me as his tongue swirled my clit rapidly and I let incomprehensible noises fall from my mouth.

"You wanna cum, baby?" he mumbled against me, the vibrations adding to the pleasure even more.

"Uh-huh," I panted, my hips shifting as I came so close to my high.

"Cum for me, pretty girl," he demanded as he went impossibly faster on my clit, his fingers feeling like heaven inside of me. It pushed me over the edge, finally reaching the climax I had been chasing.

"Fuck, Matt!" I yelled as my thighs squeezed around his head as he worked me through my high. My legs shook uncontrollably around him and he moaned against me, rutting his hips into the mattress below him. He slowed his pace as I clenched around his fingers, my eyes rolling into the back of my head.

I let go of his hair as he carefully pulled his fingers out of me before placing one last kiss on my clit making my body jerk at the sudden contact again. He kept his other hand in mine as he moved to kneel between my thighs again, bringing his fingers between his lips and sucking them clean.

How does he get hotter with everything he does?

He crawled back over me, placing a gentle kiss on my lips before smiling against them, whispering, "You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that."

I smiled against him, tasting myself as I ran my tongue along his lips before I let go of his other hand, wrapping my arms around his neck to pull him impossibly closer.

"My turn," I mumbled against his lips before I pushed him onto his back and I climbed on top of his thighs. He let out a huff from the unexpected movement.

"Layls, you don't have to-"

"I want to," I cut him off as I ran my hands along the soft skin of his chest. Although I was sweating, my nipples were rock hard from the cold air and I bit my lip looking down at him, "I wanna make you feel good. Please."

He smiled up at me before nodding and I pursed my lips, hiding the shit-eating grin that threatened to cover my face as he said, "Just know I don't expect you to."

I let the grin now cover my face from his sweetness and I nodded before saying, "Tell me if you don't like anything I do."

"I like everything you do," he replied smoothly making me shake my head before I shuffled down, hooking my hands under the waistband of his boxers. His chest rose and fell rapidly as I slowly pulled the boxers down his thighs, his dick springing out and hitting his stomach from how hard he was.

"Fuck," I whispered to myself as I looked at the length in front of me, not realising how big he was until now. I moved off of his lap, sliding his boxers off of his legs and onto the floor before I grabbed his knees, sliding them apart.

I moved to kneel between his legs which were still flat on the bed as I felt him observe every move I made. I felt the wetness pool between my legs again just from looking at him splayed out on the bed. My eyes locked with his and I smiled, a giddy feeling arising in my stomach. His mouth was hung open, his eyes filled with lust making me want to pleasure him even more.

I shuffled down even further, carefully wrapping my right hand around the base of his dick making him hiss from the sudden contact. I slowly began pumping him in my hand as I shuffled back, bending forward to give him the perfect view of my ass.

I paused the movement of my hand, licking a stripe from the base of his dick all of the way to the tip making him whine as he clenched his eyes closed, balling the sheets in his fists as if to contain himself. I kissed his tip, a whimper falling from his lips before he looked down at me. I opened my mouth, looking up at him as I began taking his tip into my mouth, my tongue swirling around it teasingly before I pushed my head down. He hit the back of my throat and I closed my eyes, thankful my gag reflex was practically nonexistent.

A moan escaped his lips as I bobbed my head up and down, my hand working on the rest of his length that I couldn't fit into my mouth. His hips jerked forward, his tip hitting the back of my throat roughly and a choked moan left his mouth.

"Fuck, sorry," he mumbled and I looked up to see an apologetic look on his face, letting me know he didn't mean to move his hips. I pulled back, spitting into my palm before working my hand around him faster as he panted heavily, whimpers and whines leaving his lips desperately.

I swiped my thumb over his tip, a loud moan leaving his lips involuntarily as he bucked once again. I smiled at him as he tilted his head back, his jaw clenching. I continued pumping his dick quickly, running my hand over his tip every now and then eliciting a moan from him every time.

I let my hand go from around him, placing it on his stomach as I leaned forward. I kissed his tip before I forced my mouth down on him, taking him fully as I felt him bulge in my throat. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as they began watering, the sensation winding me up once again.

"Fuck!" he yelled, gripping my hair roughly making me moan around him as he began guiding my head over his length. Unimaginable noises emitted from his throat as he gripped my hair, sliding me up and down his dick with ease.

I let him use my head however he wanted, going as fast and rough as he needed to feel good. I quickly tapped his stomach and he loosened his pressure on my hair, allowing me to come up for air as I used my hand to pump him again.

"You feel good, pretty boy?" I panted, catching my breath the best I could as he nodded, catching his own breath before I pushed my head back down, taking him down my throat once again and he moaned so loudly I wouldn't be surprised if the whole neighbourhood could hear him.

"I'm gonna cum," he said so quickly I almost didn't catch it and I quickened my pace as he whined loudly. He gripped my hair tightly making me moan around him.

"Oh god," he moaned loudly before I felt a warm liquid coat my mouth and I continued to work around him, slowing my pace so he didn't get overstimulated too quickly, "Oh my fucking god, Layla."

I pulled him out of my mouth with a pop before I swallowed the cum, some of it dripping from the side of my mouth. He let go of my hair, reaching his hand around and wiping the liquid from the side of my mouth. I grabbed his wrist, pulling it toward me before I slid his thumb into my mouth, sucking on it gently as he looked at me in awe.

I pulled his thumb out and he smiled at me as I crawled forward, laying down on his chest as my legs fell between his. I placed my hand on his chest before putting my chin on the back of my hand, looking up at him with a smile as he caught his breath.

"You will be the death of me, woman," he mumbled with a dopey smile and I giggled at him, pushing a few pieces of hair out of his face with my other hand.

"You're welcome," I smiled up at him and he wrapped his arms around my back, pulling me tight against him. He swirled my lower back with his thumb gently before I leaned up, placing another kiss on his lips. I pulled the covers over our naked bodies despite the fact we were both warm from our activities but I wanted to keep his warmth on me as long as possible.

"If you stay on me like this, I'll get hard again," he smirked as he looked down at me and I smiled, shrugging my shoulders.

"I won't be mad if you do," I giggled to myself, the dopamine of my high still travelling through my brain as he pulled a hand up, brushing my hair behind my ear gently.

"You're so cute," he whispered as he leaned forward, placing a kiss on my forehead and I closed my eyes contently, hoping I could stay in this moment forever.

tags:

@ilovechrissturniolo1 @sturnfix @lilsstvrn @sturniololol @sturniolowhore @dsturniolo @chrisstankyleg @lov3bug @pinklittleflower @thatcrazybitch-69 @trinity2058 @alorsxsturn @leprechaunbirthdaygirl

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thalialunacy · 6 months ago

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[for the @calaisreno Prompts May-hem (get it?!); cw for more violence than I usually do, ymmv. Also I have a feeling this one shows my American-ness more than most, so uh, sorry? ^^;]

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) 15: nightmare (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (25) (26) (27) (28) (29) (30) (31)

'This,' John mutters to himself as he eyes the flashing red on the departures board, 'is a bloody nightmare.'

Sherlock frowns beside him. 'We're being shunted to a less direct route. Inconvenient, but hardly the stuff to disturb one's sleep.'

John closes his eyes momentarily. By and large, he's a good fit for Sherlock's behaviours, even when they're--especially when they're?--somewhat off the beaten path. But sometimes he doesn't have the energy. He just doesn't.

They've been on a literally cold case in Nowhereton, Bumfuckshire, and although the jewellery was found and no one was hurt John could absolutely murder a home-brewed cup of tea. And he would very much like to hold his daughter.

'Don't worry, John, you'll be home to her soon,' Sherlock says to him as they board the overstuffed train. They're not the only ones whose night has been sidetracked, literally, but John's empathy is thin on the ground as he jostles his way to two open seats, fantasising about going for a rugby tackle if someone else gets their first.

Sherlock ends up doing the tackling, though, because he gives not one damn about how train passengers view him. And it's not really a tackle, just a Very Cold Look. And maybe a thrown elbow.

Amused, at least a little, John takes his seat.

They manage to get an hour in before it all goes to hell.

---

The sound of the train car sliding over something besides tracks is the first thing that happens -- and really it's more of a feeling than a sound, somehow.

At first.

'Sherlock,' John says quietly, his stomach twisting. 'What was that?'

'Likely just--'

But Sherlock is interrupted by a great dirty shake, like the train is a snake trying to shed its skin in a big ugly hurry.

'Shit,' John mutters, feeling adrenaline flood his system. 'Hang on to something.'

---

John doesn't wait until the dust clears; he's out of his seat and beating his way through the door at the end of the car the second there's stillness beneath him. Their coach is still on the tracks, but he somehow knows that those ahead of them are not so lucky.

The emergency lights are on, but they're flickering and John has to squint as he makes his way through. His gaze sweeps around and he listens hard, but everyone in the car seems to be suffering from merely shock, bumps and bruises, minor things.

The next car is where shit gets real. The angles are all wrong, and he can see several people tangled in an awful unnatural embrace with metal pieces popped out from seats and side rails.

'Jesus,' he hears himself mutter. 'This is not ideal.'

Sherlock is right behind him, which he'd known but not paid any attention to. 'Triaging a hoard of exhausted people in the middle of the night in the middle of nowhere with no avenues of immediate escalation?'

'Yeah, like I said. Not ideal.'

Sherlock opens his mouth, but John has no time for whatever witticism is about to be gifted upon the world, so he steps away from the detective and further into the chaos.

He raises his voice, but tries to keep it calm. 'Hello, everyone. My name is John, I'm a medical doctor, and I'm here to help.'

---

It's a long fucking night. Four dead, a couple dozen injured. One cannot save them all.

---

Hours later, the sun peeking over the horizon and Molly sacked out on the couch, he's about to pivot onto the staircase to his room when Sherlock puts a hand on his elbow. 'Let's wash up first,' he says, voice low and firm. 'Your daughter doesn't need to see you covered in blood, even if it's someone else's.'

'God damn it,' John mutters, knowing Sherlock is right but hating it; his skin itches with the need to see his little girl. 'Fine, but quick-like.'

He sheds his jacket and button down, which had got the brunt of it, on the way to the toilet, then barely looks at himself in the mirror as he runs a flannel over his face and scrubs at his hands. Sherlock is quiet beside him, handing him soap and cloth when needed, without prompting.

John finishes, then looks up at him. 'Aren't you coming?'

Sherlock's face-- well, It does something very complicated before smoothing out into a small smile. 'All right, let's.'

---

Anticlimactically, Rosie barely stirs when John picks her up. His limbs are finally able to shake out the events of the last twelve hours, and he feels Sherlock's arms around him and beneath her like a bridge truss, supporting them both.

John breathes in deeply, taking in the scent of his daughter and his flatmate. His-- his family, he thinks, trying the word out.

'Stay,' he says quietly, not looking away from Rosie. 'Just-- Stay?'

Sherlock hums for a moment, then answers like it was never in question. 'Of course.'

They don't consider pyjamas, instead curling around each other's dusty skin in pants and vests while murmuring about inconsequential things, domestic things that send warmth spiralling through John to replace the chill that had settled in somewhere during the journey they've just finished.

'I do have one question,' Sherlock says finally, the words warming the skin at John's neck.

'Go on.'

'As you know, many common understandings about the English language, particularly when it comes to colloquialisms, are not part of my… erm, base worldview.'

'Right, I am aware.'

'So I'd like to confirm: When you called the train delay a nightmare, you were exaggerating for humour, and when you called the derailment "not ideal," you were…'

John chuckles tiredly. 'Being English.'

'Being facetious.'

'Yes.' He pauses, fingers in Sherlock's mildly tangled hair. 'Sometimes, it's all that gets you from one moment to the next. One body to the next.'

Sherlock murmurs a noise, and John feels his embrace tighten.

'Well,' the detective finally says, voice deep and sleepy. 'Besides all that, I really must say that watching you in action was quite... informative.'

'Oh? In what way?'

'Informing me that I find your medical competency viscerally pleasing.'

John huffs a surprised breath. 'Yeah?'

'Mm-hmm. You're very good, and it's very attractive.'

'Noted,' John murmurs, eyes closed. 'Next time.'

'Mm-hmm.' Sherlock's palm is warm on his solar plexus, and John doesn't think twice as he succumbs to a deep, quiet sleep.

[❤️]

[a/n- I have not been in a derailment, but I have been in a train car when it ran over a live human being going 70mph, so forgive me for not being keen to research the former for the sake of accuracy.]

ETA OH GOD I forgot the best part! My inspiration for this piece:

#BBC Sherlock #May Prompts 2024 #mayprompts2024 #It's gonna be MAY 2024 #kind of a downer despite starting as a funny tweet #Very British Problems

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mandos-mind-trick · 1 year ago

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Kinktober Day 22 - Intercrural Sex

Summary: Tup just really loves your thighs.

Pairing: Tup x reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, intercrural sex, thigh kink, cumshot, biting

A/N: I gave myself a new kink with this one so...enjoy!

MASTERLIST

You’ve forgotten about the holofilm playing on the screen. Not that you were really paying much attention to it anyway. Not with Tup’s hands on you like that. Since he walked in the door on his leave he’s been all over you, clinging to you, running his hands all over you. You don’t mind the attention, especially after so long apart.

It started with trailing hands tracing the lines and curves of your body. Then the kisses had joined. Small kisses on your cheeks, your forehead, your jaw, then open mouthed kisses on your neck and shoulders. His hands have trailed down your sides to your legs, gripping your thighs.

Tup loves your thighs. It’s his favorite asset of yours. The best part of you, he unashamedly declares on a regular basis. He’s constantly touching them, squeezing, kissing, biting. He’ll leave more marks on your thighs than your neck, which you won’t complain about. They’re easier to hide that way.

You’d stopped paying attention to the film when he pushed you onto your back and slotted himself between your legs. His focus is not on the quickly dampening spot that has to be obvious on your underwear. Instead, his gaze is locked on your thighs. He grips them in his hands, squeezing your flesh and trailing his hands over your skin. They’re parted around him, legs draped over your shoulders as he presses his face into your thigh, nipping gently at the skin.

Your lips part in a quiet gasp as he laves his tongue and teeth across your inner thighs, hands pressing them tightly around his head. For a moment you're worried he might suffocate himself as he squeezes them against his face, a deep groan rumbling through him.

"Kriffing love your thighs, babe." He groans, sinking his teeth into your skin just enough to leave a mark.

You let out a quiet sound as he soothes the bite with his tongue. You stare down at him, the dampness in your underwear increasing as he showers your thighs with attention, so close to where you need him, but he continues to ignore your pussy. You meet his gaze as he stares up at you with those big brown eyes.

"You're so beautiful." He says, kissing your inner thigh. "How did I get so lucky?"

"Well, I think it was when you tripped in front of me at the bar." You say, wrapping your arms around his neck as he crawls up your body.

"You could say I literally fell for you." He grins cheesily.

You giggle, tugging him down to kiss him. He groans against your lips, settling his body against yours. He's hard, bulging through his pants and pressing against your thighs. He groans, grinding his hips against you. You slide your hands down his back to cup his ass, dragging his hips harder against you. He moans against your lips, hips jerking against your thighs.

"Kriff," He groans, licking your lips. "Let me fuck your thighs baby."

You bite your lip before nodding, letting him go. He gets off the bed long enough to remove his pants, and you tug your underwear off before tossing them onto the floor. He grabs the lube from your nightstand before climbing back onto the bed. He squirts some on his hand before coating your thighs and your pussy with the lube. He squirts more on his hand, rubbing some on his cock before he grabs your legs, tossing them over his shoulder.

The tip of his cock brushes your skin before he slips it between your thighs, the length of his cock dragging along your clit. He adjusts your grip around him before he begins to move, thrusting between your thighs. He groans, teeth sinking into his bottom lip. You stare up at him, watching the pleasure morph on his face as he fucks your thighs. Your own lips part as his cock drags across your slit, your legs squeezing around him.

His eyes roll back as you squeeze your thighs around him, a deep moan slipping from his lips. You lift your hips, grinding against his cock as he continues to thrust it through your thighs.

"Kriff, feels so good." He groans, hands holding your thighs together.

You moan, legs shaking as he continues to thrust between your thighs, working you closer and closer to your orgasm with every thrust.

"So close, baby." You moan, staring up at him.

"Kriff, me too." He groans, holding your gaze.

His hips slap against the back of your thighs, both of you moaning as he twitches between your legs. You cum with a cry, squeezing your legs around his cock. His head falls back as he groans, cock throbbing as he spills onto your stomach.

"Kriff." He hisses, pulling his cock from between your shaking thighs.

He lets your legs drop back to the bed, crawling back up so he's face to face with you again. He presses his lips to yours, wrapping his arms around you.

"Love you, babe." He murmurs against your lips, already growing hard again.

You can't help but smile into the kiss, slipping your hands down to squeeze his ass. "Love you too, baby."

Taglist:

@kaminocasey @rosechi @mxkyrie @bobaprint @star-trekker-0013 @padawancat97 @bamfahsoka @rain-on-kamino @thrawnspetgoose @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @wolffegirlsunite @dukeoftheblackstar @starrylothcat @sev-on-kamino @freesia-writes @anxiouspineapple99 @wings-and-beskar @dystopicjumpsuit @littlemissmanga @madameminor @eris-k @clio3kantarella @moonlightwarriorqueen @sleepingsun501 @originalcollectionartistry @maddiedrmr @idontgetanysleep @sinfulsalutations @clonemedickix @523rdrebel @deejadabbles @starqueensthings @multi-fan-dom-madness @wizardofrozz @mythical-illustrator @sunshinesdaydream @mooncommlink @lickylickylicky @sweetheartsnips @ghostperson69 @captain_rexs_cyare @jediknightjana @jedi-hawkins @dalu-grantkylo @cw80831

#star wars #star wars fic #the clone wars #clone trooper tup x reader #tup x reader #x reader #clone thirsting #kinktober 2023

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cattimeswithjellie · 4 months ago

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Stream Recap, GoodTimesWithScar, 6/26/24

((Geez louise, ten thousand words on this bad boy, it took literally a full day and evening. Worth it though, because this one is jam packed! So many meetings with friends, so many wild mob encounters, so much death! I ended up needing to do detailed recap on all but the last half hour, which was Disney talk that can be watched on the VOD for anyone who would like to.))

9:15 Scar starts his stream in studio view, imploring his audio to “please work” after the madness of last stream. Audio is fine today. Scar is relieved. He greets Chat and shows off the ConCorp shirt he found in his closet. Today’s plan is to hunt mobs and look at spoilers. Scar didn’t finish the video he was hoping to, but he’s going to show off what he’s done, and he’s going to get a Magic Hands Man for the villain car! He thanks subs and donos. Chat asks how he’s doing, he is okay and they’re all going to have some fun today! There are a lot of subs and donos coming in today.

12:30 Some voice donos come in wishing Scar luck on the surgery and commenting on how funny the echo stream was. ((In Scar’s 6/23 stream an audio issue that ran almost 40 minutes caused endless audio looping and much hilarity and distress for Scar.)) Scar laughs and admits he thought about cutting that portion out of the VOD but decided to leave it in because it was funny. Chat agrees that was a great decision. Scar says that the VOD channel has been doing really well for hits lately, people must like it! A lot of chatters use Scar as comfortable background atmosphere and he is very cool with that.

16:03 Chat notices that the broken headset is still conspicuously unburied and unsent to a nice farm. Scar shows off the brand new duct tape job he has done, conveniently ignoring his promise last stream to get new headphones. The headphone is visibly sliding down the side of Scar’s head. Scar switches to game view, where he is standing on top of Ore Mountain with an amazing view of the Magic Mountain dig site. He tells chat that someone is trying to frame him as the Ore Snatcher! Not for the first time, either! This is especially egregious considering that Scar is the chief investigator. Scar shows Chat the landscaping he has been working on, an artificial extension to the river with an engineered shoreline, then tells them to ignore it because it is not finished yet.

18:00 Scar shows chat his rocket shulker, which he left in front of the train last night. Sometime last night between the time Scar signed off around 11:30pm and the time he came back, the Ore Snatcher struck! Scar opens the shulker and reveals five deepslate diamond ore blocks, each one named “Doc’s Diamond Ore.” Scar thought there were only four ore missing, but Chat corrects him to six. Scar is a bit embarrassed to realize the chief investigator did not know that. He makes a notation in the Scroll of Scrolls. He also notes that whoever the Ore Snatcher is, they probably smell bad.

19:40 A voice dono message comes through and Scar misses it. He admits to Chat that while he wants to hang onto his headphones as long as possible, the left side doesn’t actually, you know, _work_ anymore, and that makes some things very hard to hear. A chatter sends Scar a tip to watch the clip in his Discord channel. Joe and Cub are super sus. Scar agrees that all this finger-pointing is indeed super-sus. His lead mod signs on and Scar opens the rocket box again to show off the framing evidence. It is sus to name the diamond ore as well, very sus.

21:25 Scar is briefly distracted quizzing chat on the name of his rocket box, which is “272,300 – RP-1.” Chat is mostly baffled, guesses maybe coordinates, but one clever chatter correctly guesses that it is the amount of RP1 rocket fuel needed for the Falcon 9. Chat is impressed by the deep dive, if nothing else. He shows off his other box, which is “810,700 – RP-1,” which is the amount needed for the Saturn rocket. Chat agrees that Scar is a nerd.

22:35 Time for work! Scar tries to remember what work he wanted to do today. He remembers, magic hands man acquisition! He explains that there is an empty village behind Bdubs’ base with a single nitwit safely buried underground. This is just enough village to trigger a raid. But once a raid is triggered and the evoker is acquired, how to get it back? Scar’s theory is that if he puts a magic hands man in the back of his boat and rows real fast, maybe it won’t be able to kill him. Chat agrees that rowing fast might be the only answer. Scar shows how the waterway goes all the way from the village to the train, so it would be perfect if he could avoid death. A ravager could also go in a boat, so he has the same question there. Chat doesn’t think it’s a good idea, but they really want to watch Scar try.

25:00 Scar says that he and Tango have fixed Minecraft. It is not right, he claims, that one cannot ride a ravager. The solution is to make rotten flesh useful by feeding it to ravagers in exchange for temporary riding privileges. Chat says sorry, Minecraft does not allow fun. Scar sighs agreement for that one. He promises once again that he will get lava for Frank, the sad cold strider. He shows off the Vindicator he has already secured in a boat, then gets ready for his adventure. He brings a lot of totems, mentioning that Hermitcraft operates by the laws of the high seas, which means that if somebody builds a farm in the ocean, it is okay to steal from it. Which he did. A voice chat about Genie+ puts Scar into Disney rant mode, but a second voice chat telling him that it’s Stitch Day distracts him and a third about Star Wars gets him ranting in a whole new direction. He shoots the bannerman he’s been keeping boated up and heads for the village.

30:30 Scar has decided to consider Star Wars TV shows as the McDonalds food of the franchise, good enough but not really filling or as good as you thought about it in your head. He’s also unhappy about how much more they are spending on The Acolyte than on House of Dragon for less result. Scar is loving House of Dragons though. He arrives at the village, starting an immediate raid, and begins wiping out pillagers. The problem with this particular village is that there are a lot of places for pillagers to hide. He finds two of the first wave hiding inside a building, and then can’t find the second wave at all. As he searches, he talks about Disney’s propensity for unnecessary sequels.

37:30 The raid is really lost. Chat tells Scar he should’ve brought the bell he stole from Doc on Day One. Scar thinks they might be right, because he clearly needs some help. A chatter makes a large donation and wishes Scar “Happy Stitch Day!” Scar is flustered, touched, grateful and slightly enraged. The raid is still nowhere to be seen, so Scar enables freecam mode and goes exploring. He doesn’t find the raid, but he dips down into the massive and impressive empty space left by Doc’s tunnel bore. Scar is impressed and makes a note to come down and grab some amethysts.

40:00 Scar consults the chat for help. They suggest up on the mountain and ringing the bell. Scar doesn’t have the bell, but he keeps looking. No luck. He needs help! Chat really thinks he should go get the bell (and turn on hitboxes.) Scar eventually goes to get the bell off Magic Mountain. He talks to Chat about his surgery, explaining that it is a less intense surgery than some he’s had before, mostly correcting stuff that was done wrong with his feeding tube back in 2021 and 2022. Hopefully he will not have to go under full anesthetic, which will substantially reduce recovery time but may provide less info to the doctors. In any case, the surgery is tomorrow and hopefully he can go home right afterwards. If things don’t go right and he ends up on a ventilator, that means an ICU trip and a few days of weaning. Right now everything is geared towards avoiding the ventilator option.

44:40 Even with the bell, the raid is not revealing itself. A chatter asks what happened with the first surgery. Scar is just beginning to explain the previous J-tube surgery ((A J-Tube is a type of feeding tube that is implanted directly into the intestine, as opposed to a G-tube which goes into the stomach.)) when someone shoots a flaming arrow at him! It’s Impulse! Scar tells him he needs to work on his VelociTE skills, Impulse claims he didn’t actually want to kill Scar when he was already having raid troubles.

45:10 Scar asks Impulse if he’s seen the clip of Scar’s echoing call for his help. Impulse has indeed seen that clip and enjoyed it very much. He asks if Scar got it fixed and Scar says sort of, but there is some kind of underlying microphone issue as well. Impulse makes some audio recommendations, but Scar’s audio setup is a disaster mess and his new Roadcaster is not fully set up yet, plus his headphones are they way they are. Impulse casually flexes the fact that he has the bigger version of the Roadcaster that Scar has and it shouldn’t be too difficult to set up and troubleshoot together in a couple of hours. Scar asks if Impulse is a big expert on raids; Impulse has faced a few. They start looking for the raiders together.

48:00 Scar and Impulse work through their guilt about using “cheatycam,” deciding their need is dire because they just can’t find this raid. Scar finds a cat and mentions that Tango keeps murdering the cats that spawn in his steam tunnels. Chat is not happy with this news. Scar suggests Tango should start a cat army. Impulse says Tango could be the next server cat lady. They resort to freecam, Scar is very confused by Impulse’s soundbyte of voice-altered Tango saying “That’s cheating!” They both start camming around. Impulse points out that there is something to be said for the patented Grian method of just ignoring the raid, but Scar says he actually needs his magic hands man. Impulse explores this premise further, Scar is actually going to catch and move an evoker? On a livestream? In front of people? Scar finds his skepticism unflattering. Impulse asks if Scar would like to tackle a redstone project live on stream next. Excited, Scar asks if Impulse wants to see his redstone. Impulse hastily demurs and runs away. Lots of raiders to catch, after all!

51:00 Outraged, Scar insists that they go and look at the redstone RIGHT NOW. He thinks Impulse doesn’t believe that he has completed a real live redstone project and there’s only one way to fix it. Scar begins flying back toward the Shopping District. Impulse does not follow. Scar demands his attendance via game chat. He does not specify who should comes to Poe Poe HQ, so Cleo says “Okay.” Impulse, in a stroke of wonderful luck for him, has found the raid. Scar flies back to join him. Chat feels a little bad about leaving Cleo hanging. Scar has a hard time finding Impulse and the raid both now, but Chat leads him to the right spot. There are no evokers in this phase, but they can at least kill the pillagers and move the raid along.

54:10 With the second wave taken care of, it suddenly occurs to Scar tht it might be nice to have a boat or minecart or something. Impulse is nonplussed, he sort of expected Scar to have this stuff since it’s his project and all. Scar digs the appropriate gear out of his ender chest, then suggests that maybe they should just go see his redstone instead. Impulse agrees, then immediately distracts Scar with the weird behavior of the pillager wave that is just spawning in. They fight the next wave. Impulse thinks it is possible to put a ravager in a boat, but he doesn’t know if it will kill the rower. He thinks it sounds like something fun to do the science on. If he wants a ravager and an evoker, though, multiple raids might be required. Impulse agrees with Scar that players should be able to ride ravagers.

57:00 Another pillager wave, still no magic hands man. Scar shoots several pillagers and also Impulse by accident. They complete the wave and another one spawns, this one with the coveted evoker! Fresh Animations make pillagers look very fast! The evoker falls in the water, but Scar is pretty sure pillagers can swim. They can, though how they swim with their arms in villager pose is a mystery. Scar tells Impulse some stories of swim team practices that make the dad in Impulse very alarmed. They decide that Impulse will kill the ravager and Scar will get the evoker. The magic hands man releases the vexes, but Scar knew that would happen. He wore his ConCorp shirt today and everything! Scar flees from the vexes and accidentally drops the boat, but manages to put a totem into his hand and fly off before dying.

1:00:40 Scar returns to earth to find that Impulse has not killed the ravager quite as much as would be desirable, and in fact the ravager has made it all the way to the evoker pond and is killing Impulse. Scar is faced with an angry ravager sitting in the middle of a pile of Impulse bits, some of which have fallen into the water with the evoker. It is not great. Scar has also replaced his offhand totem with a bit of rail somehow. He shoots the vex in the boat and dives in the water to retrieve Impulse’s stuff, and is almost immediately killed. Chat, who has been yelling about the totem for quite awhile now, saw this coming. Scar is upset that he and Impulse are going to mix bits now. Chat has feelings about that phrasing.

1:02:10 Scar jumps back in the water. He is still trying to keep the evoker alive, which makes things more dangerous. He actually does a pretty good job of collecting bits under fire until he sees the evoker treading water. He gets way too caught up in a bit about what a good swimmer the evoker is and begins to drown himself. Catching himself, he gets his first load of items into a barrel on shore, but many important things are still missing, including Scar’s sword. Impulse was apparently carrying 52 ender chests. Scar dies to vexes in the water again.

1:04:00 Scar jumps back in the water. He pops a totem and dies again. Impulse who apparently had not set his spawn, finally makes it back. Scar dies again. Vex can fly underwater. This is really bad news. Impulse and Scar meet up and trade bits. Tango, alerted by Scar’s death loop, arrives to mock them but also to help. Scar and Impulse catch him up on their totally normal and not-dangerous situation. Scar shares his theory that if he can row a boat fast enough with Magic Hands Man in it, he can avoid the vexes and be safe. Tango does not think this will work but he would very much like to see Scar try it. Scar begins sketching out a plan to get the evoker out of the water and onto the thin strip of land separating the pond from the river. Tango digs out a canal to connect the two bodies of water. Scar is sad he did not think of that.

1:08:20 Scar goes into one of the village huts to sulk for a moment and discovers an indoor hot tub. Impulse discovers an outdoor vindicator and dies of it. Tango and Scar watch contemplatively as Impulse runs around, shrieking, pursued by a vindicator and then by another evoker he has found. He asks if they are going to help at any point, but they are busy being entertained by the cartoon antics. Scar encourages Impulse to get back in there for another round. Tango suggests that maybe Scar could at least put the evoker in a boat since it is literally on the edge of the water. Scar, who has his chin on his fist and is looking very much like a guy who is not intending to do anything right now, says the evoker looks too intimidating with his magic hands right now. Impulse dies again. Chat is having an _excellent_ time.

1:09:30 Tango and Scar are having an excellent time and agree this is much better than the original plan. Impulse dies again and suggests that maybe SOMEONE who has an actual WEAPON could HELP A LITTLE. Scar cheers Impulse on. In chat, Cub cheers Impulse on as well. Scar asks what Magic Hands Man’s actual name is. Tango tells him it is the evoker. While Scar is thinking about that, the actual evoker comes up and sics a bunch of vexes on them. Scar and Tango scatter.

1:10:20 Scar puts the evoker in the boat and jumps into it himself, then begins rowing for his absolute life while yelling to the others that he got him! Tango yells for him to go, go go! Scar switches between first person and F5 as he paddles as fast as he can. He almost gets hung up on a piling but squeaks through before getting vexed to death. The evoker is constantly casting behind him and making a sort of rocket-propelled visual effect behind the boat. Impulse and Tango fly alongside, cheering him on. They are all excited that this is working, but Tango wants to know what the exit strategy is here. Scar admits that’s a little more freeform and may involve some painful rail-line building. Chat is super excited to be a part of this amazing science.

1:13:20 Scar successfully parks the boat outside his train and ejects without dying. He did it! Now the Evoker just needs a nametag. It also needs to stop attacking them with vexes and stone teeth. Scar explains the plan to have Magic Hands Man in the villain car. Tango, who spent all of last season killing himself and his friends with hostile mobs, thinks this is a great idea. Scar rustles up a nametag and an anvil from his ender chest, but needs Tango to make the “Magic Hands Man” tag. Scar pops it onto the evoker and the deal is sealed! Tango asks if Scar plans to build the rail up into the car and everything today. Scar admits he couldn’t get his video done anyway, so he has nothing but time today.

1:16:10 Scar pulls out his Roller Coaster Tycoon shulker for rails and carts, then asks Tango and Impulse if they ever played RCT. Neither of them did. He asks them incredulously if they ever even had fun. They agree that no, there was no fun back then. Impulse says he had the best toy as a child, it was an empty can of soda and they kicked it down the street for fun. Scar asks if Impulse grew up in the fifties. They all do their best old crotchety grandfather impressions.

1:17:40 Impulse has to go, but he’s going to raid into Scar. Scar is disappointed that Impulse doesn’t want to see his redstone. Impulse promises he will see it another day. Before Impulse goes, Scar wants to ask one more question. He murders the name “Rotterdam” about ten times while telling Impulse that the TwitchCon there is doing BuildMart IRL. It sounds amazing! Impulse didn’t think Build Mart IRL means people will be getting out of their seats and doing stuff, but Scar is pretty convinced. (While this conversation is going on, Scar is talking to Doc, who has just signed on, in chat. He tells Doc to come to his base.) Impulse is mostly jealous because the MCC Live there has Ace Race and Railroad Rush, all the good games. “But do they have kick the can?” Tango asks. They decide that’s the next big MCC game, definitely, and Tango and Impulse will win every game. Scar says he would be so good at IRL Build Mart because he would grant his team a natural shopping cart advantage. He could also roll over people’s feet and knock them out of the game. He namedrops Tubbo as the first MCCer to be foot-rolled. He wants to go to TwitchCon very much.

1:21:00 Doc arrives and Scar has other things to do! He hurries off while Tango and Impulse head out. Scar shows Doc the diamond ore and explains the whole frame-up. Including the block that the Ore Snatcher left on top of the armor trim shop, this means all the ore is accounted for. Doc talks about what happened during Scar’s last stream while Scar makes notes on the Scroll of Scrolls. Doc believes that Scar is innocent, but wants to know if Scar is eating chips or something. That would be new for Scar. Scar explains the scroll, then tells Doc he thinks that whoever is framing him may not actually be the Ore Snatcher. There could be multiple actors at this point. Impulse raids into the stream. Doc and Scar agrees that this is a bad framing attempt, nobody would believe this.

1:24:40 While Scar is airing his investigation-related grievances, he demands to know how he is supposed to investigate with a warden in the shop! Doc tells him that is fixed already, the alarm is reset. Chat asserts that it is definitely Cub. Scar wants to know if Doc wants to see his redstone, but Doc is on a roll. Doc believes that the Ore Snatcher is done and won’t act again, and if there are no more attacks and no one confesses, the mystery could haunt him for the rest of his life. Doc and Scar decide to go to the trim shop and look at the signs again. As he flies, Scar points out to chat that three people have now refused to look at his redstone. Chat suggests asking Pearl or Bdubs. Chat also mentions that Doc saw Scar’s redstone on his most recent stream and was not exactly a fan. Scar tells Chat that he’s crossed Mumbo and Zed off the suspect list, but if Mumbo did it, it would be really, really funny.

1:27:00 Scar lands at the trim shop, only to find the alarm in full swing and very loud. He lands next to a new shop that is a dragon head and a creeper head and tries to see what’s going on. Doc says someone triggered the alarm again. He thinks for a moment that the warden is not free, but then everything goes dark. The warden is definitely free. Scar raises his concerns about breaking a wallet setting off the alarm and Doc points out that the shop isn’t even open yet. Nobody should be using their wallets there! He goes in to fix the alarm system and Scar takes off with a very pointed message about going to see his redstone that nobody will look at. Scar flies to his countdown clock and flips the switch. The pistons make a lot of noise and absolutely nothing happens. Scar waxes enthusiastic about how awesome his redstone is for a couple of minutes. Chat is confused. Scar thinks for a minute about possible Ore Snatcher culprits. Chat has lots of ideas, but there is still no proof for anything. Scar plays his suspicions close to his chest, but he doesn’t think it’s Grian.

1:31:00 Scar goes back to the shop, even as he tells chat that he really does need a new headset. He said the same thing last stream, but now he has really come to terms with it. Back at the trim shop he sees the sixth ore block and its mocking sign. He and Doc talk more about possible culprits with no evidence or proof. Scar does believe that the ore from his rocket box came from Ore Mountain and somebody just named it. He asks Doc when the shop will be opening, because he actually would like to buy some trims. Doc explodes that the shop would’ve been open two weeks ago if people weren’t TORMENTING him! All this alarm and warden stuff is not good for shop opening. Doc monologues a little bit about his many troubles.

1:34:00 Cleo arrives, greets Doc cheerfully and asks how his broken shop is. Doc asks if Cleo triggered the alarm. Cleo says no, but they could, would Doc like them to right now? Doc says that the alarm is disabled right now; Cleo is disappointed. Ren arrives as well, Doc demands to know what all these Hermits want with him. Cleo confirms that Doc has no safeguards on his shop at all right now. Doc insists that he is going to turn the alarms on before he leaves. Scar feels a little bad for how put-upon Doc is, but it’s also very funny. Cleo critiques Doc’s armor stand work, Ren and Scar critique the fashion choices in his shop. Red and diamond just clashes too badly. Scar compliments Ren’s taxi pants, sort of. Cleo accidentally triggers the machine, which produces a trimmed hat on an armor stand. Cleo is momentarily alarmed, but Doc takes it as an opportunity to show off his machine. The Hermits are impressed! Scar asks if he can give Doc’s machine a bang. Everyone ignores him.

1:36:40 Doc produces an entire example set of armor with the machine. Everyone thinks it is very cool. Doc makes Ren just want to give up and uninstall Minecraft because he can never measure up. Scar compliments Ren’s pants again, and his cool skin, and belatedly his base. He had a great time talking about Star Wars for two hours on stream in Ren’s cockpit! Cleo asks bemusedly whether Ren and Scar ever do anything on their streams. Doc gives up on the conversation and goes to set the alarm as Scar relates an extremely confusing version of his boat-evoker adventures to Ren and Cleo. Ren is temporarily convinced that Scar won a boat race with a vindicator.They eventually figure out what he is talking about and are moderately impressed by his magic-hands-man-wrangling.

1:40:10 Doc comes back and asks everyone to leave the shop, reminding them that it is not open yet. Cleo protests because she really wants to place and break a block to set off the alarm. Scar, who is not paying even a little bit of attention to Doc, fishes around in his ender chest and finds some food to replace what he lost in the evoker chase earlier. He places down his lunchbox and gets some food out of it, then collects it back up. The alarm goes off. Doc moans in agony while Cleo howls with laughter. Scar protests that he just needed some food! Ren suggests that it might be a good idea to get rid of the ender chest in the shop while the alarm is armed. Doc resets the alarm again while the others criticize his alarm system as very bad for business. Doc tells them that the alarm system shouldn’t have to run during opening hours! Scar wonders if there are specific times the shop is open. Ren suggests only when Doc is streaming, Cleo suggests only when the alarm is triggered. Doc chases them out of the shop.

1:42:10 Scar asks again if the shop will ever open. Doc tells him he can’t open the shop because _certain people_ are suing him and he needs to prepare for his lawsuit. Cleo protests that this is not true, they were talking to Joe earlier and he mentioned they’ve done no preparation thus far. Court is tomorrow and apparently Joe and Doc have not talked to one another at all. Doc protests that he tried to talk to Joe yesterday but Joe was drunk because his partner was doing the citizenship test and he was nervous about it. Chat loves this information. Cleo starts laughing and announces that yeah, she ((Joe’s fiancee, BadgerSpanner)) passed and will be in the US in three weeks. Doc says that’s great, but that being too drunk to talk with a client is behavior unbecoming of a lawyer. His only strategy now is to plead the fifth and then let Joe ramble and run Powerpoint presentations until everyone is bored to death and presumably surrenders. Doc turns his attention to Ren and insists that Ren is also at fault because he was summoned via Discord as a witness and didn’t respond. Cleo protests that they did discuss this and Ren doesn’t need to appear if he doesn’t want to.

1:43:40 Ren says he didn’t get a summons, but he was actually hoping to be a witness. Doc says he can be, so long as he speaks in Doc’s favor. Cleo points out that Ren’s testimony is irrelevant to Doc’s stated strategy. Doc counters that because he and Ren are husband and wife, he’s going to use the fact that Ren can’t testify against him. Cleo refuses to believe they are husbands (Chat is a little hung up on the “and wife” part) because there is no documentation signed by Judge Bdubs available. Scar is completely lost and has no idea what is happening. Someone is drunk, someone is becoming a citizen and someone is married, but he can’t figure out who. Ren wants to know if, as Doc’s husband, he can score a front row seat in the courtroom with the lawyers. Cleo and Doc don’t think it works that way, but Scar shakes off his confusion to insist that as the Poe Poe, he can get Ren a prime seat for only ten diamonds.

1:44:40 Doc sighs over how corrupt the judicial system around here has become while Cleo points out that Scar isn’t even going to be there tomorrow. Scar admits he does have an important prior engagement. Doc rants that Hermit society is in a downward spiral, where respectable merchants need to install burglar alarms. Scar turns to look at his own shop, which is of course a massive patch of ground being exploded by a giant smiley face at the moment, and agrees that this is a bad neighborhood. Cleo points out that it’s not all merchants who need burglar alarms, only Doc. Doc points out that maybe when the Ore Snatcher is done snatching ores, he might just start snatching cats from certain cafes. Cleo says that’s fine, and Scar asks Doc if he’s admitting to being the Ore Snatcher. Ren says that the Beacon shop is on the good side of town, where all the Starbucks are.

1:45:20 Scar remembers that there was another suspect that he wanted to discuss with Doc. Doc immediately suggests False, just because she’s flying under everyone’s radar right now. Doc knows what they’ve been discussing; he’s seen transcripts of their whole stream. ((Doc asked on Twitter for a detailed analysis of Cleo’s 6/23 stream, which was helpfully provided by the recapper.)) Cleo has seen those too and thinks it’s weird. ((The recapper resists the urge to hide under the bed forever.)) Scar and Ren tell Doc that they think the culprit is Karin, Doc’s partner. Doc is not receptive to this line of conjecture, but does admit that it is not quite as stupid as the theory that Doc has a split personality and is doing it himself. Cleo says she does not believe it’s a split personality, but that Doc might well steal from himself just to cause drama. Doc is appalled at the very idea that he would do ANYTHING to cause drama. Of course, when 1.21 rolls around it’s going to be a different story, he promises. There will be Hermitcraft meetings with Doc’s behavior as a talking point again, he guarantees it.

1:46:40 Doc and Cleo argue about loopholes and whether or not they work on Hermitcraft. Cleo points out that you cannot have loopholes in a system with no written laws. Scar proudly holds up the Scroll of Scrolls and declares that he does, in fact, has a copy of all written laws plus the progress of the investigation! Cleo and Ren are both interested in hearing this. Scar shakes the scroll a few times and then admits he forgot what they were talking about. Doc makes everyone turn around so he can get into the alarm system again. Nobody turns around. Ren tries to protest that he is Doc’s husband and the most loyal of Hermits. Scar suggests that Ren has spent a lot of time these past few streams talking about how loyal he is. Doc still thinks the culprit is Cub. Cleo says of course the culprit is Cub. Ren says maybe Grian, and Cleo shuts everyone down. They are not spending another stream doing the pointless speculation thing, everyone knows it is Cub and they are all just going to pretend they’ve forgotten.

1:49:40 The sky darkens and Ren pulls out a bed to sleep. Scar claims to have blanked again and not know what they’re talking about, but seems to be using that as an excuse to break the bed under Ren. This of course triggers the alarm again. Cleo and Scar laugh, Ren apologizes, and Doc threatens the life of unspecified parties. Chat loves it. Ren says he has to sleep, and Scar protests it’s just instinct to break a bed. Doc resets the alarm again. Ren promises the never sleep on the stairs again. Doc gets tagged by the Warden. Scar suggests maybe just putting the warden away for awhile. Ren is worried about all the stress his husband is under. Cleo asks if Ren’s considered the possibility of dementia, given that Doc is the oldest hermit. Ren allows that this is true. Doc scolds them all for picking on the elderly (and also Cleo is old too!) Cleo says yes, but not as old as Doc! Doc points out that they all know Scar is 48, which draws immediate, vociferous protest from Scar. ((A ‘famous birthdays’ website once asked Scar to provide his birthdate and when he declined, they just made something up. Scar has been fighting the rumors ever since. The Hermits like to exaggerate even that, since the website claimed that Scar was born in 1982.)) His headphone falls off again.

1:51:50 Cleo asks Scar if he’s really going to tolerate that sort of insult from Doc. They think Scar should go ahead and accuse Doc of ore-snatching right now. Scar thinks about that for a moment and then breaks a sand block. The alarm goes off again. “Don’t call me 48!” he insists over the noise. “Jesus Christ,” Doc mutters and goes to fix the alarm again. He only came online because he wanted to measure the targeting on the new TNT cannon he is designing. Everyone thinks that sounds like fun. Scar and Cleo ask if they can see Doc’s redstone. Scar breaks another block and sets off the alarm for a fourth time just as Doc resurfaces, then says they really probably ought to leave Doc alone. Cleo protests that that’s no fun. Ren wants Doc to know he had nothing to do with any of this. Cleo places a block of polished diorite, then protests that they haven’t done anything since they haven’t actually broken it yet. Scar sees the possibility inherent in this and begs Cleo to put a hat on the goat statue. Preferably a propeller beacon.

1:54:00 Scar asks if everyone has heard the good news of the upcoming popup shop ban, enforced by the will of the Poe Poe and their clock. Cleo has heard of it and compliments Scar on his excellent redstone. Doc points out that his redstone doesn’t actually do anything. Scar tells Doc kindly that it’s ultra-redstone and he wouldn’t understand. Cleo agrees that Scar is operating on a whole other level. Scar tells Doc that he and his Shadow Collective ((a seldom-used channel on Scar’s Discord where he goes for redstone help)) operate in a whole different realm. The Shadow Realm. Doc heaves an incredibly audible sigh. He spent a long time doing incredibly repetitive tasks today and just came on to dig a little hole, but now he is here and it has been an hour and none of them have learned anything but he’s starting to wonder if the Ore Snatcher is just going to troll him by setting off the alarm and leaving. Cleo agrees this is an excellent and easy way to troll.

1:56:00 Ren finds the diamond ore block on top of the shop. Doc has already seen it, but Ren insists that the omission of capital letters is some kind of clue. Doc thinks that the use of glow ink is important. Ren thinks it was Joel. Doc agrees that Joel has a motive, because he got roped into a sand revenge he had no part in earning. Joel believes sand duping is fine, so he should’ve been excluded from revenge, ergo: motive! Cleo wants to make it very clear that Doc is never going to get sand duping. “We’ll see about that,” Doc replies. They relitigate the sand duping issue for a minute, but finally Doc concludes that the culprit is Joel or Cub. “It’s CUB,” Cleo reminds everyone again. Scar insists that he is the investigator and he’ll be doing the finger-pointing here. He did see Cub once pull out an entire box of signs that he uses to place funny signs around for people. The conversation winds around for several more minutes until somehow Doc is arguing that it was Cub and Cleo is arguing that it wasn’t necessarily Cub. It’s starting to get dark again. Cub sleeps through the night.

2:02:30 Despite their best intentions, the Hermits keep speculating about the identity of the Ore Snatcher. Cleo puts forth the idea that it’s a Mission Possible task set by Iskall, and that multiple people are involved. Investigator Scar likes this idea and wants to hear more. Chat is unconvinced by the theory. Cleo thinks there’s a Mission Possible task that is “Take a diamond block from Doc’s redstone, but do it offscreen and secretly” and that several people have gotten it by now. There may also be a task to put diamond blocks back in Doc’s redstone. ((Skizz actually did replace diamond ore as part of an MP task, but the task was “Do a good deed for another Hermit and don’t take credit.)) Doc points out that the Mission Possible tasks tend to be generally wholesome and not all-out griefing, while Ren points out that the purpose of Mission Possible is to generate content, which cannot be done with a mission that must be offscreen and secret. Scar points out that they’ve literally spent several streams doing almost nothing but talking about this, so content accomplished? Chat is pretty sure Iskall has said that no Mission Possible tasks are specifically targeted.

2:03:50 Doc says it’s time for everyone to leave and do the things they need to do. Cleo hasn’t got anything to do, that’s why she’s here. Ren is just waiting for Skizz to get online so he can be deposed ahead of tomorrow’s court case. Scar points out that Skizz’s new skin looks like the Quaker Oats man. Cleo says it’s supposed to be a barrister’s outfit, that barristers and solicitors are British lawyers and they wear little white wigs. Scar asks what the difference is, but Cleo is not sure. Everyone has their own theory on the matter. ((Barristers practice trial law and make court appearances, solicitors handle legal affairs and paperwork matters. Only barristers get to wear white wigs.))

2:05:30 Scar sees a pillager scouting party and considers starting another raid at the sacrificial village. Doc goes to find somewhere to blow up. Scar shakes his head as Doc leaves, saying that he needs to step up his investigations game before Doc loses his mind. Cleo disputes Doc having a mind to lose. Scar tells Ren and Cleo a less convoluted version of his great success with Magic-Hands-Man-wrangling. Ren is impressed. Scar tells him he can catch it on his VODs channel! They go and investigate Jevin’s new head shop. A chatter asks Scar who wrote the notes of mayoral advice that were supposedly from Jellie in Season 7. Scar says of course it was Jellie.

2:07:30 Jevin’s shop is accessed through the dragon’s mouth, which reminds Scar of Disney. Cleo has never been to Disney. Scar remembers that Cleo’s Disney trip was cancelled due to the pandemic. They are both sad about it. Scar sees barrels on the wall with each Hermit’s name on them. He asks what they’re for. “They’re our heads,” Ren explains. “But they’re empty,” Scar protests. Ren says that the prices in the shop are too low, that Jev is only charging one diamond per cat head, for instance. He would charge much more, who wants to kill cats? Cleo, Scar and Chat are all upset. Scar immediately confiscates the two Jellie heads from the box, on the order of the Poe Poe, and announces that Jev is welcome to sue him but he will NOT be selling Jellie heads from that box. Chat is howling for slime.

2:09:20 Cleo raises the half-hearted defense that she doesn’t think Jev probably thought about the fact that he was killing Jellie cats because, well, Jev. Ren is still preoccupied by how little Jevin is charging for various heads, calling them “Season 6 prices.” Scar insists that they need to bring back Season 6 prices. He has only three diamonds. Ren also has zero diamonds. Cleo, who is actively trying to give away some of the many, many diamonds she has earned from her shop, gives Scar four diamond blocks. Scar is happy. Ren suggests they go diamond mining, a very lucrative activity in this version of Minecraft. Scar wants Bdubs to get off the dime and get his lawsuit rolling, because he is owed some serious diamonds by an imaginary man and some snails!

2:10:35 Ren realizes that Scar has a literally mountain made in large part of diamond ore blocks. Scar insists that those are an escrow account, though does not specify to whom or for what reason. Also the mountain has a large hole in it, thanks to those snails! Gem, who is stream sniping, calls it an escargot account. Cleo gives Ren some diamond blocks too. Ren notices the escargot joke and laughs until his eye starts hurting. Scar complains that his ear hurts from the headphones. Cleo yells at him, in a very muted fashion, to get new headphones. Scar cannot hear her because he needs new headphones. In chat, Gem boasts that Ren cannot handle her dad jokes.

2:11:50 The group leaves the head shop, Ren sadly predicting that Jev won’t get good trophies from the shop at these prices. Cleo tells them that she got the 2500 diamond trophy today. Ren experience a moment of disgust at the rampant capitalism until Cleo points out that she _literally just_ gave him a bunch of diamonds. Scar wants to see the trophy. He also wants to know where to sign up for trophies, now that he has a shop. Cleo takes him to sign up for trophies. He is disappointed that Hermits have to pay for his own trophy. He says this is like the time that his brother saved somebody’s life and the Navy told him that if he wanted the medal, he had to pay for it. Chat thinks that is strange because usually service members don’t pay for medals, but Scar promises there’s a story and he will tell Chat later. Cleo and Ren note that Ren’s head is not on the leaderboard yet, he is represented by a squid. Cleo says that’s easy to fix, just put down a bed and she’ll kill him. Scar doesn’t wait for such niceties as spawn-setting and kills Ren in two shots. He says it just felt like the right thing to do.

2:14:00 Ren reports that he is at spawn with nothing. Cleo and Scar collect all his stuff and take it to him. Pearl comments in chat that Spawn isn’t that far from the trophy shop, indicating that she is stream sniping as well. Scar loves Ren’s fancy hat and says it reminds him of Season 7 when he was Mayor Scar. Ren gets killed by Gem. Scar tries to Hotguy Gem, but misses, much to his chagrin. Scar tries to justify a “no thinking, just doing” philosophy as the reason he killed Ren so quickly. Cleo contends that this philosophy is in fact Scar’s problem. Gem puts on a Ren head and jumpscares Scar. Ren reassembles his inventory bit by bit, then stares at Gem to ask why she has to be this way. Cleo says Gem looks beautiful; Ren agrees that Gem looks especially beautiful now. Gem says it’s just the way she is. Ren asks why her head is so _massive._ Gem doesn’t know, it’s Ren’s head. They stand side by size, Gem’s Ren head is much bigger. Ren asks if all Hermit heads do that. Cleo and Scar say yes, but Gem believes there is only one way to find out and kills Scar. They are indeed all the same size.

2:18:00 Scar wants to make it clear that Jellie cat heads are illegal on the server. Cleo asks him not to say that because she always wants to do things that are illegal and she actually has a Jellie cat available. It was in the cat cafe but she took it out and put it in her basement so it wouldn’t make Scar feel bad. Scar doesn’t know how to feel about this, but does feel bad about the poor Jellie in the basement. Cleo protests that Jellie’s in the nice part of the basement. Scar asks for his shovel back, Gem finds it in her inventory and tells him he should name his tools. Scar did name them, but they all broke or fell in lava. That reminds Cleo to ask about whether Scar ever actually finished paying for all the books he took from the shop the other day. Scar gives back all the diamonds that Cleo just gave him. “How many books did you _take?_” she asks, appalled. He reminds her that he lost everything. Cleo takes pity on him and gives him half of the diamonds he just gave her. The group talks a little bit about Scar’s Minecraft face. Ren says it’s very hard to look off to the left and smirk with the right side of the mouth. Cleo can do it. Scar is visibly trying on the facecam. Chat is also trying, with varying results. Scar concludes that it isn’t that difficult and Ren says maybe it’s just him.

2:21:10 Cleo says it’s probably the chocolates. Ren asks if she thinks they’ve done permanent damage. Scar doesn’t know what they’re talking about. Cleo tells the story of the chocolates while Scar plays the Inside Joke horn. Cleo explains that at Christmastime they and Ren were playing Plate Up and Ren mentioned he was hungry and had found some chocolates, did Cleo think they were safe to eat? Cleo said probably yes because chocolate doesn’t really go off, but what Ren did not mention was that these were milk truffles he’d found behind a radiator, behind a cupboard, left by the people who’d had the apartment before him. “And you ATE them?” Scar asks. “They were sealed!” Ren insists. Gem plays the most appropriate “Don’t put that in my mouth” horn ever played. Cleo confirms that Ren did eat them, on camera, and nearly vomited. Ren agrees they were foul. “Oh my god,” says Scar, stunned. “Oh my god,” agrees Gem’s Impulse horn. Gem’s horn game is extremely on point today. Cleo realizes suddenly that she already has four copies of Ren’s head and never needed to kill him in the first place.

2:22:55 Ren tells them all that they are the actual worst humans to ever human. Cleo insists that she is definitely not the worst human, Gem proudly insists that she is. There are several minutes of conversation about Gem’s skin and what Space Buns are. Cleo insists that Gem’s skin’s hair design is called Space Buns but they are completely distinct from and have no relationship to Princess Leia’s hair buns in Star Wars. Scar and Ren cannot comprehend how any hairstyle called “space buns” could not be related to Princess Leia. They eventually agree to disagree, on the theory that Scar and Ren are incapable of understanding things unrelated to Star Wars. ((A cursory internet search indicates that everyone is half-correct, the “Space Buns” hairstyle of two buns in the back two quadrants of the scalp is popular on its own and is not the same as Princess Leia’s famous rolled side buns in Star Wars, but basically every source on the internet agrees that the name was inspired by Princess Leia.))

2:24:40 Scar asks if everyone has seen Ren’s spaceship base. Cleo and Gem have seen it, but they want to see Scar’s base. He leads everyone to the front of the train for a tour and is immediately embarrassed by the oxidation on his portal frame. He keeps meaning to wax that. Scar shares the lore of the Swaggon Inc brand zoo train as it travels the world. Cleo steals a few design ideas along the way. He shows off the carnivore car and Doc, who is now stream sniping, asks if he said carnival car, as in clown train. Scar insists it is not a clown train. Doc giggles. Everyone who saw Scar’s disaster mess of a storage area in the engine is impressed with his new storage car. He leads the way through the turtle and dolphin tank and tells them that when he’s done with his surgery, he and Tango are going to figure out a way to keep dolphins alive. Fifteen dead dolphins is enough. Everyone loves the giraffes. Scar leads the group to a safe distance to show off the villains car and explains his plans for that. Cleo scolds him for Fred’s sorry state of coldness. Gem and Ren agree. Scar is the zookeeper _and_ the police, how can he be torturing animals? Scar shows them the blue parrot tethered to a tree. Cleo tells him he is unconscionable. Gem says she’s going to dinnerbone the bird so it flies upside down and is even worse.

2:35:00 Scar shows off the villains of the villain car, with a bit of mayhem as the result. Turns out the witch has a surprising range with potions, and Magic Hands Man has just been itching to send out more Vex. They retreat to a safe distance and Scar explains his plan for the last, floating car. He shows everyone the back of the train as well, with the elephant and big pumpkin. Scar loses his headset again, then shows everyone the mountain he’s tearing down and Cub’s 44th hideout. Scar and Ren agree that the sign is very similar to the one on the armor trim shop. Cleo, who believes more than anyone that Cub is the culprit, still feels compelled to point out that this is extremely circumstantial evidence indeed. Scar tries to trick Cleo through his death portal but she is wise to his tricks. He goes through the safe bit of the portal and waits to see who follows him. Joe (who was also stream sniping) is under the portal waiting to hit Cleo with a trident, but Cleo doesn’t follow Scar through. Joe models his new courtroom attire of a bright green asymmetric jumpsuit, modeled after the court fashions of Star Trek.

2:42:10 Scar jumps back through the portal to see where everyone else went. Cleo insists they went through the portal and then jumped back when Scar was not there. Scar insists they were not, because he and Joe were on the other side and Joe was showing him his tight but stretchy pants. Cleo though Skizz was bad enough with the wig, but Joe has picked an even weirder outfit for lawyering. Scar points out that it is very on-brand for Star Trek, though. Joe pops through the portal to show Joe his clothes. Ren thinks they’re cool, but that Joe should get a wig too. Joe says he’s channeling the future. Scar suggests going bald entirely. Joe is concerned that if he removed the hair from the Juppet skin, it would be creepy not in the way he wants. Scar asks if Cleo likes Star Trek, Cleo confirms yes, they’ve even gone to conventions and stuff. Scar is thrilled. Apparently it was a Voyager convention specifically, though Cleo doesn’t remember who all the guests were, having been a teenager at the time. Joe can’t believe anyone could ever be so young as to not remember meeting Robert Picardo. Cleo confirms that they did, in fact, meet the Doctor. Joe is very happy.

2:45:00 The group talks for a few minutes about the mysteries and intricacies of the convention circuit, first the Star Trek convention circuit and then the Hermit-related circuit. Joe mentions that he had to pay to fly out to PAX Unplugged last year and talk with Beef about the TCG cards. Scar asks if Joe has revealed his cards, because Joe’s card is one of his favorite. Joe asks to post the link in Scar’s chat. Chat is excited to see it. Scar doesn’t have a link to his own card, but shows a sneak peek on his phone. His card depicts Volleyball Hotguy, shirtless of course. He says Grian said he needs more abs and asks what chat thinks. Chat melts down. Cleo thinks Scar’s card is amazing. It is top abs. Needs more scitties, but the abs are great. Chat melts down harder. Cleo and Scar talk about the time last year when Tumblr created a Scar Minecraft model with truly popped-out pecs, and then did the same thing to Joe. Joe is fine with that. He misses the days when he was in Marine Corps officer training and was, as his friends put it “uncomfortably ripped.” Chat has many feelings about Jitties, and they love Joe’s adorable TCG card.

2:48:20 Skizz signs on so Ren must go, it is time for his deposition. Joe wants to go crash in on Skizz and say hello. Scar thinks that idea is dangerous, they might catch Skizz in a cursing mood again. Ren mentions that the Rendog common dropped today. He has trouble getting the link from Twitter, but one of Scar’s mods drops it into chat for him. Ren points out how it’s awesome that the world behind him is square. Ren takes off and so does Cleo, who has a headache brewing. Scar bids Cleo and Joe goodbye and flies away. He notices that the diamond ore is gone from his rocket chest and lets Doc know that he needs it back, it’s evidence! What he really needs, he decides, is a giant whiteboard to keep track of all the things he needs to keep track of.

2:52:20 Scar has an evoker and that’s great, but what he really wants is to see if he can also get a ravager in a boat. Chat loves that idea. Scar makes some boats and kills another boated bannerman, then goes and triggers another raid. This reminds him that he was talking about his surgery a couple hours ago and he promised Chat the story. He tells it why they fight the raid. In 2021 he got a Psuedomonas infection in his J-tube, which is a slow-moving infection but has a very particular smell and color to it. He went to the ER for it but they didn’t take it seriously. Scar pauses for train talk and a Cleo raid. A chatter tells him he can’t boat a ravager, but other chatters disagree. Scar explains how the untreated infection led to PICC lines and full surgery to replace the tube that involved some complications. This surgery will hopefully finish correcting everything that’s still a problem from back then.

2:56:30 Scar keeps fighting the raid as he talks, popping a totem as he goes. When he had his accident at TwitchCon Las Vegas where he fell and got the concussion, he went to the ER, saw a doctor for about 13 seconds, and got some scans done. The bill for that was $22,000. Chat is appalled. After insurance and everything, they sent a bill to Scar for two cents, which they actually want paid. Scar wants to know if he’s really supposed to send them two cents. The raid ends without a ravager. Everyone is disappointed. Scar hits up a pillager outpost to restart the raid. A chatter suggests sending the hospital a nickle and asking for change. A chatter asks for cat name ideas. Chat has so many ideas.

3:01:00 Scar wants to share some good news he got on Discord. He is halted by a voice chat suggesting he use a credit card to pay the two cents, since it will cost the hospital about 20 times that in processing fees. Scar likes that idea. Scar’s news is from Hoffen, the art books are created and ready to ship within the next couple of weeks! Anyone who ordered a book and has changed their address, now is the time to get that sorted out. Scar bought 24 copies and can’t wait to get them. He has lots of plans for them! A chatter asks if Scar is coming to TwitchCon San Diego, he answers yes. More information will come later, but he has stuff cooking!

3:04:00 Scar fights the new raid and answers chat questions. A chatter immediately gets him on a Disney rant. He finds a ravager and clears the rest of the raid around it. The ravager does not go in the boat after all. It is disappointing, but Scar has a minecart too. He forgets that the minecart has to be moving, but does a very good job kiting the ravager. The fact that he’s still doing his Disney rant and his headset keeps falling off only slows him down a little bit.

3:15:50 A chatter voice-texts to remind Scar to move the minecart. Doc advises him in game chat to build a little circle of track, but Scar is on a Disney roll. He pulls the ravager back to the minecart, gives the cart a hard nudge and captures the ravager quite neatly. Everyone celebrates!

3:19:30 Scar places a little bit of track and then realizes how long it will take to minecart back to his base from here. He decides to release the ravager he just caught and let it chase him all the way home, avoiding Bdubs’ base because it is rude to ravage your friends’ yards. He realizes he can’t nametag the ravager because he has no levels, so it will be a dangerous race back home to keep the ravager from despawning. He accidentally hits the ravager four times with his pick while trying to break the minecart. Doc suggests using an activator rail to pop the ravager out of the minecart without harming it. Scar decides instead to dig a hole under the ravager and break the minecart from beneath, dropping the ravager on his own head. He flees in terror before the ravager can smash him, and the chase is on!

3:21:10 Chat would very much like to see what would happen if Scar took the ravager to Bdubs’ house, but he leads it across the water instead. Ravagers swim very slowly. Ore Mountain comes into silhouette in the distance. Scar talks about the new Monsters park at Universal Studios. He loves it and wants Disney to bring a Villainsland to their parks so much. The ravager remains in hot pursuit, but Scar’s Decked Out skills serve him well.

3:28:30 Scar arrives back at the train but realizes he doesn’t have his stuff ready to hold the ravager at the end of the line. He hastily builds a circle track like Doc suggested and gets the Ravager back into it, then breathes a sigh of relief. The ravager rides the circle track like a very angry teenager on a preschool carousel. It will keep for now.

3:30:00 Scar goes back to studio view and thanks everyone for watching and for all the subs and donos. He doesn’t have his video finished, but hopes to finish it soon after his surgery. It was a fun stream, he enjoyed it a lot! Chat gives him hundreds of good wishes. Scar is so, so close to raiding Tango and ending, but the urge for murder is too strong. Scar drops back into game view and flies wildly across the server. Chat informs him that Tango is ending his stream as well, time is almost up! Chat also reminds Scar that Tango helped him not three hours ago, making Scar hesitate just long enough for Tango to end his stream. Scar lands next to a convenient wildcat, raids into Antfrost and ends his stream.

#hermitcraft #stream recap #goodtimeswithscar #impulsesv #tangotek #docm77 #rendog #joe hills #geminitay

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