#it is hard to remember your lines
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i have more conspiracies about MASH that may or may not be true, but ive decided they are. they also just might have been explained, but im dumb, and cant remember. heres your sequel.
in 7x3 where hawkeye tackles bj, bj goes "AAH!' and hawkeye says 'WRONG! THAT STARTS WITH AN H!'. this is because mike farrell's line was 'hey!' but due to the force and drama of the scene, just Yelped instead.
All the dogs that turned up that never appeared again [like the one bj and hawk "ate" when they were trying to scare a visitor, dogs seen in 1 shot, etc] were just dogs that the production crew/cast owned and wanted to bring to work/volunteered their animal for acting duty
in the handful if scenes where hawkeye is actually knitting [and not using the red yarn, for the reason given in the previous edition], hes making a blankie for erin. [co-credit my sibling]
klinger got his ears pierced during the course of the show, starting with clearly just clip-ons and then later declares he doesnt want his ears to close up. some say continuity error, I say commitment (and also it would probably be easier to find real earrings instead of clip-ons)
in s7e2 Peace on Us, no one told bill christopher to tie that red streamer around his neck, he just thought it would be silly
in s7e2 Peace on Us, again, no one told alan alda to drive the jeep back to camp with his leg up like that. he just knows the character well enough to make that call. which he's correct about
the scar on hawkeye's lip was caused by a fishhook in his youth. got called Troutboy a long time afterward because of it.
bj is a vaseline girlie and takes good care of his hair as well.
hawkeye sniffs food because, having grown up partly during the depression, eating spoiled food was a real risk, so giving it a good ol' sniff-test was a given
fr mulcahy cares deeply about his appearance and engages in more grooming activities than any other guy in camp [the shower cap, always looking perfect, owning gardening gloves, manicured hands and feet, etc]. he even irons his stole on a bi-weekly basis and launders his clerical collars
hawkeye's issues with people leaving and not saying goodbye began with his mother after she passed, since his father didnt want him to worry
on nights where charles goes to bed after the other two, he will occasionally clean up a little bit. this contributes to why he's so pissed in 'Pressure Points'- he's been doing his own cleaning and some of theirs without them noticing or caring.
once again these are all just things that came to mind while watching, i didnt think too hard on them. the only one 'researched' on was the food sniffing, solely because i needed to do Year Math lol
#i mean that blankie one with my WHOLE HEART#mash#m*a*s*h#mash 4077#mashblogging#mashblr#hawkeye pierce#charles emerson winchester iii#bj hunnicutt#father mulcahy#mike farrell#alan alda#william christopher#like seriously ive thought abt it a long time. why else would we never see it actually used. he made that little girl a blankie#the bj conspiracy abt vaseline is just because i spent a really long time having to stare @ his mouth and went 'he takes care of this thing#same goes for his hair honestly just 'wow he takes care of this stuff huh'#i mean he canonically has a mustache comb so this isnt that far beyond#the sniffing one was partly inspired by me having specifically an egg-sniffing habit because once i bit into a spoiled boiled egg#and now always have to check even if i JUST boiled em#shoutout fr mulcahy for refusing to slack on serving not only the lord but in general#also the yelp one took 2 seconds of thought. just 'wh. he said AAH. why are you saying 'h''#then i realized he was prolly supposed to say 'ahhh! hey! >:['#but when you are tackled by the wet pool noodle man#it is hard to remember your lines#edited just to highlight the blankie one further im being so serious about that one guys
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From NPR this morning:
President Biden called for term limits and an enforceable ethics code for Supreme Court justices yesterday. The White House said that the proposal would appoint a justice every two years to spend 18 years in active service to the Supreme Court. He also called on Congress to pass binding, enforceable conduct and ethics rules that require high court justices to disclose gifts, refrain from public political activity and remove themselves from cases if they or their spouses have financial or other conflicts of interest. The president also called for a constitutional amendment that would limit the broad immunity presidents now enjoy due to a recent Supreme Court decision.
...Yes please.
Le source: Up First briefing: Trump shooter update; Crypto and the 2024 election
#Remember to vote Americans#There are very Meaningful Differences in the party policies being displayed#Get an absentee ballot if you don't like the lines and your state allows them#Vote EXTRA HARD if your state doesn't#Because boy are they doing that on purpose#If voting didn't work they wouldn't work so hard to discourage you from doing it#You can vote yourself into a dictatorship (or abstain your way in) but you can't vote yourself back out#2024 elections#2024 presidential election#election 2024#presidential election#american politics
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you just post about haydove now, are u gonna flip the fandoms?
I don’t just post about haydove now. I suppose you’re talking about my hayffie fic Taste of Strawberries since it’s very obvious my 10+ years Tumblr blog contain both hayffie, everlark, haydove and a whole lot of Hunger Games related stuff like the prep team, Plutarch and Caesar Flickerman.
But as far as Taste of Strawberries is concerned: if you��ve read the whole fic you’ll notice that I’ve always written lots of Haymitch’s (and Effie’s) backstories through flashbacks, to enrich the present timeline and keep the characters IC.
When major shifts in hayffie’s relationship happens or when their view on things changes, I have to back it up and flesh it out properly to make it believable or else it’ll create a whiplashy 180 degree turn out of nowhere and those are just the WORST! My ultimate pet peeve.
I’m a die hard hayffie fan, always have always will be, but I have a great deal of respect for haydove as well. Haymitch loved her hard and she shaped the man that he became.
His relationship with Lenore Dove and his guilt over her death and the death of his family, deeply affects his relationship with Effie and their kids. Colors his whole life really.
It’s what birthed his alcoholism which is now slowly destroying everything he has in the present timeline. That’s why I have to include the haydove flashback in ToS. The story would feel rushed and unbalanced without it.
#hayffie#haydove#I almost didn’t respond to this cause reading it made me sad#because it’s so obvious the anon doesn’t care much for my haydove chapter (55)#a chapter I’m pouring my heart and soul into atm - just like I do my hayffie chapters#I even put in extra hours throughout april and may in order to give you more updates per month than usual#as a treat cause I know people are eager to read hayffie again#with the aim to have the full chapter finished by friday#and then I read this and it just kills the creativity and motivation to walk that extra mile#if haydove’s not your cup of tea that’s fine#there are plenty of great fics out there for you to read#ToS has and will always have background flashbacks so if that’s not your thing then don’t read it#and please remember: fic authors are not content machines#writing is HARD#whether or not you liked a published chapter there’s always SO much effort put into it by the writer#when I post a chapter of say 3000 words in total#that’s approximately 10 000 words worth of effort that you don’t see#including the outline the first draft editing line editing and proofreading#that’s like 35+ hours PER chapter which you then get to consume for free#please keep that in mind#don’t take content creators for granted
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My part of an art trade I did with @bloomynmoon!
#welcome home#barnaby b beagle#howdy pillar#laughingstock#barnaby x howdy#at least I intended it like that#art trade#my art#note this was done way before the update came out so I had to guess on Howdy's shop#I liked the line art so much for this piece that I kept it and now y'all get to see it#y'all got no clue how hard it was to bring myself to color this...I was so scared of messing it up big time#god I love these two lots#two repressed idiots <3#also remembered to post this just for u bog#I hope it helps feed your laughingstock addiction#spreading the laughingstock propaganda#y'all don't wanna know how long it took me to make all those shop details#just to have them eaten up in the coloring process oof#main reason I'm sharing the lineart ahahha
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a draft from a few days ago. thinking about dad!jason thanks to sunnie and just. how stressed that poor man about your safety and comfort. you so much as breathe wrong he's alert.
anyway i'm thinking about how one night, after a long week of running around trying to get everything sorted – the crib you guys had wanted wasn't available and you'd said it was okay but he'd seen the downturn of your mouth so he's been trying to get the materials together to make the exact same one, and even though he's cut back slightly on patrol and he knows steph is capable, he can't help but worry about the kids he's been trying to keep an eye on, and his body seems to give out as soon as he hits the mattress that night so when he wakes up and doesn't hear your breathing next to him or feel the weight of your body – he panics.
he stumbles out of bed half asleep and nearly crashes into the doorframe, fear threatening to grip him in a chokehold. he's already imagining the worst possibilities but then –
oh.
you peer over your shoulder curiously at him, barefoot and still in your soft sleep shorts, the material of your shirt rising over your growing belly.
safe.
he blinks, rapidly, swallowing to ease the dryness of his throat. burning eyes fall to the open flame on the stove in front of you, the metal skewer you're holding with a marshmallow on the end, edges golden. there's traces of sugar on your bottom lip, and he heaves out a haggard breath, adrenaline still buzzing in his veins with nowhere to go.
"you okay?" you ask carefully and he lowers himself into a crouch, dropping his head into his hands.
"sweetheart, you can't do that," he groans, the complaint muffled. he hears the soft patter of your feet against the floor and your hand splays over his back, a grunt falling from your lips as you join him, carefully kneeling by his side. "i think i just lost ten years off my life."
"i just wanted a snack," you say quietly, and he can hear the pout in your voice. he looks up and you're frowning at him. he reaches out to take your hand in his.
"you could've woken me. i woke up and i didn't see you and–" he cuts the sentence there.
it's true that he's made strides since the both of you got together. he's come far from the man who feared sleeping in the same bed with you, worried about accidentally reacting in a half-awake state and hurting you – but the baby has brought back some of that fear.
you've seen it in the way he tenses in a crowd, a hand always at your back, eyes scanning the perimeter tenfold to when it used to only be the both of you. he refuses to let you carry anything over a certain weight, and you're almost 70% certain that he's employed the rest of his family in keeping an eye on you when he can't (you'd have to let tim know his disguises needed some work).
you soften then, shuffling closer to press your mouth against his. he can taste the caramelised sugar on your tongue, a fleeting brush that lingers in his mouth when you pull away.
"i'm here," you assure him. "we're okay."
he tips his head forward to press it against your shoulder, letting out a quiet groan. his heart still feels like there's a grip on it, and he has no interest in moving from this spot until it settles once more. you're content to let him, he finds, a hand brushing over the nape of his neck soothingly.
he's in the middle of counting his breaths when something prods at his lips.
"wha-" marshmallow fluff is stuffed into his mouth, and he makes a garbled sound as it gives under his teeth, sticky, overly sweet.
"stop trying to feed me that shit!" he protests, when he's swallowed and you stifle a laugh, pinching his nose playfully.
"i have a message from our baby," you say, struggling to keep a straight face. "they told me they don't like it when their dad is upset, so you have to eat it, it'll make you feel better."
"our baby told you that," he echoes flatly, unimpressed. you nod, raising your eyebrows pointedly in a look so smug it makes his teeth ache.
"you wouldn't want to upset the baby, would you?"
on the floor of your kitchen, you have a staring contest. jason is the first to blink, and your resultant smile makes up for the artificial sweetness that he swallows with a grumble, leaning forward to bite the rest of the marshmallow off your fingertips, nipping at your fingers for good measure.
“no,” he sighs, and knows it’s the first of many demands he’ll be unable to deny. “no, i guess not.”
#i just think he’s such a loverboy and i think he’d be trying so hard to be a good dad. he wants you to be comfortable#he doesn’t want you to suffer. he remembers the painful expression etched on the face of the lady next door when he was growing up#pregnancy wasn’t easy for her and there are days when your little one makes it hard for you too#he stresses so much. he worries about everything#will he make it to the end of term. will YOU. will he be able to take care of you. will the both of you be able to do right by your baby.#he loves you so much he wears it in the worry lines of his handsome face#jay my heart#jasonsmirrorball#dad!jason
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Jonathan sims is an experiment on how doomed by the narrative a single character could be. The answer is so doomed that all the fanfics taking place in the universe cant shake it.
#jonny sims hit him so hard it rippled through the fandom#ari aster wishes he could write how little autonomy jon has#there was an episode that mentions free will technically being a thing but because of a long line of other decisions tangling in yours#you dont really have a choice about what youre going to do#but i cant remember which one it was#or even if it was archives or protocol#if someone remembers could you tell me pretty please#tma#the magnus archives#tma podcast#jonathan sims
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I Know I KNOW I’VE BEEN ULTRA SLOW (unplanned but if I rush now I won’t have to later.)
Gift for the dash.
#[ ooc. ] one. one thousand. two. one thousand. three. and now my patience is up.#[ dynamics / rook ] like the chess piece? one of the strongest pieces on the board. but they tend to think in straight lines.#[ dynamics / harding ] what do you do when the authorities can’t be trusted to do the right thing?.. that's how i keep busy.#[ bellara / vorashvan ] don't bury thoughts that you really want. i fill you up. drink from my cup#[ dynamics / bellara ] if your heart and gut say 'do what you can' do it. just remember yourself too.#[ dynamics / taash ] you ask for help with one thing and people think you can't do anything. / that's vashedan.#[ dynamics / davrin ] the val dorma job; is that what you call it? i call it a mess; then joining this team? it'll be just like old times.#[ dynamics / lucanis ] but serious? have i crossed that line? well. what now? do i brood to the middle distance? speak in solemn tones?#[ dynamics / emmrich] you're covered in gold but save your all candle stubs.
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What if. What if I made my sole survivor trans. House wife lawyer turned themself in the wasteland. What if. What if I did that.
Like you’re no longer burdened by your pre-war self. A miserable person, though loving of her husband, who never got to be who they wanted to be. Or maybe never thought about it to begin with. But the wasteland? well all the structures of society that held her back before aren’t there anymore. No one knows who you are, only that you’re someone looking for your lost son and maybe that you were cryogenically frozen. Your husband is dead. Your kid wouldn’t know whether or not you’re his mom or dad, he’s a baby! It’s a clean slate isn’t it? Codsworth wouldn’t give a damn, if anything he’d put on that cheery voice qnd be proud of you…
Might make you seem less frail to the people who stole your son? Maybe they don’t recognize you, or rather, maybe they see the wasteland hasn’t killed you so much as hardened you to a fine point. I mean there’s a film noir detective running around, a zombie as mayor of an entire town, huge green dudes, and giant fucking murder lizards around. You’re only going to be half the freakiest thing around. Besides! People are getting swapped out for fakes, you’re all starving and dehydrated, radiation poisoning is constant threat, and people constantly attack each other to get any resources they can. You’re hardly their biggest worry at the moment, right?
Now that I think about it, the sole survivor is a fun character to make trans. Hmmmm.
#also as an aside why the fuck does Nora have power armor training. the game didn’t think too hard about that.#MacCready needs a boyfriend#and Kieran. well Kieran would make an excellent man#fo4#fallout 4#the sole survivor#sole survivor#fuck you. makes your house wife a man#also as an extra aside#I get why people don’t like it#but I do like the theory that the sole survivor is a synth#like inevitably it is entirely your personal preference wether or not you like the idea#but I got it started in my head when I saw some of the skeletons in vault 111 are in the same place they were as you entered#and some of your neighbors are already in the vault. despite the fact that elevator is too slow for it to have made two whole trips#the entire other section of the vault is full of dead frozen people ! how the fuck did they get there#you were in a rush to get down there as soon as it started happening#like I KNOW Bethesda isn’t that thought out#and that there are just as many weird details with that line of thinking as a plain old human sole survivor#but it’s a really fun concept#don’t know if it fits Kieran but y’know#like I know there’s not many reasons for the institute to do that#but they also don’t really get a defined#reasons for sending synths out in the first place as far as I remember#all I remember is tinker Tom talking about terraforming and maybe being right???#whatever#I like it. I’m having fun. even if I don’t super buy into it#I love the idea of it#anyways#I’m done#fallout
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light fires at night (to fill the void) by inthesea is required reading for andreillers
#HOLD UP ✋ it's not on ao3. and if you want to read it... well i can get it to you.#BUT THE LINES IN THERE ARE INSANE. neil literally says you are a gun pointed at my head forever i cant run i cant dodge i chose this i chose#YOU#and there's so much to it. i literally keep that line in my mind at all times#its the type of line that makes you freeze up when you're in the middle of a task#the kind of line that forces you into manual mode and you have to remember how to move your body#guy who has spent his entire life dodging bullets chooses not to duck this one#and andrew also says that neil is a knife pressed against his throat#like. these guys will literally be like love is violence and then do the softest shit youve ever seen. and it is. love is violence#sigh.#do i need to sell you on it more or will you read it now.#also the fic is extraordinarily soft. its a 5+1 situation. andrew wants to say i love you to neil and he spends multiple years figuring out#how to form the words#and it's extremely in character. its the literal magnum opus of all aftg fanfic. nothing compares and nothing will ever compare#like theres fanfiction and then theres light fires at night#in my brain its fully canon. like to me this fic is literally what happens after the books.#you can find it yourself if youd like but i think it might be a little hard WHOS TO SAY. anyway#everybody NEEDS to read this fic i dont care. if i could beam it into everyones brains i would
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Hes that teacher that you would think would be so strict but if someone speaks with his students next thing you know hes hiding a body calling charles to handle the international incident he caused.
Like im imagining him on a field trip now and its so funny.
And plus he knows so many languages he can handle that too.
Ngl i think he would be the one sneaking drinks to the students while everyone is asleep that man would be the party teacher.
mags that firm-but-fair kinda teach where he kind of a dick and a lil scary at times but its usually within reason. or thats just how he is. he cares for his students dearly at the end of the day so whatever he does is genuinely out of wanting to see you succeed so just play nice and we'll all be besties !!!!!
#snap chats#i keep remembering his voice lines in rivals and he always sounds like a kindergarten teacher slowly losing his patience but trying so hard#literally anytime he refers to anyone by their last name i feel like /im/ the one in trouble...#Pick Up Your Toys Mr Spector oh my fault... sorry mr lehnsherr wont happen again..... <- has never even played moon knight#on that note trying to imagine charles and erik teaching in the same building is one of my favorite things. funniest shit#they take their jobs too seriously to poke into the other's classroom and disrupt class but itd be funny if they did#they definitely got the The English And History Teachers Are Banging rumors goin on even if they arent even that zesty#maybe mags swings by in-between classes.... heh..... silly...
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played the "remember who you are" ending for the first time instead of the "embrace your anger" one for the Lace Harding plotlines and im so mad i want to kick a chair over. much like Lace Harding might if she wasnt still punished for being angry by the game.
#specifically i am talking about the epilogue part where she meets with Stalgard and Durra and shares the titan magic with them#SHE DOESNT DO THAT AT ALL IN THE ANGER ONE??? HELLO?#i could write a whole 10000 words about this and how narratives punish anger as an emotion ESPECIALLY for women but i dont have time#like on the surface it APPEARS to validate the 'anger' choice but then you see how it plays out otherwise and what gets denied if u pick it#so like. ok. sure. fine. FINE. IM FINE#im seething#the little moment of lines with the Oracle is. not the same at all. and not in a way i think makes this more cohesive urrghgrgrhh#cant believe the ANGER option is the one whre you can say 'just dont worry about it' when she talks about the titans actually#its that or only 'we can remember them'#what even is the point of letting me pick 'actually you deserve your rage' if i cant then say#'now use that anger to share with the others what you lost and make change yourself'#bc the heart of anger is often pushing back against something seen as unjust#anger is a call to ACTION#but the only 'action' that's even possible from her quest choice is in the 'remember who you are' option instead apparently#ANYWAY. im fine.#jade plays dav#dragon age#dragon age: veilguard#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#lace harding#closing my eyes and retconning this you deserve your rage AND to have it push you forward its ok lace im fiixing it in my mind
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yyh shipping opinion charts (NIGHTMARE MODE)
blank versions below cut
#anyway this is the first time i've done one of these and there's just. so many yyh characters that get shipped in all kindsa ways and it's#cool + i thought this'd sum up my opinions nicely. if there's no lines between something 1) i forgor 2) i didn't think it was worth mention#the first chart is just a highlights reel of the second. basically focusing on the ships i see the most#everything else is highlights reel since idk if anyone ships like. tarukane and raizen yk#anyway ft some of my crack ships (usually in light blue or green sometimes boiling down to haha i fucked ur mom/gf)#some of them i waffled on a bit. i think i like kurahi and yusukeiko Roughly the same amount? ish? eh whatever#also the best ship is obv suzuki x rando x shishiwakamaru x suzaku bc i think they're all losers who deserve each other#i kept forgetting characters so sorry if your blorbo isn't on here. kaito and kurama would be green btw. nerd violence...#yyh#yu yu hakusho#shipping chart#yusuke urameshi#kazuma kuwabara#kurama#hiei#botan#shizuru kuwabara#yukina#keiko yukimura#atsuko urameshi#younger toguro#genkai#uhhhhh#yoko kurama#sorry it's hard to remember everyone#mukuro#yomi#raizen#kuronue#koenma
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what are hyakinthos's thoughts on the boatman and the slow boat in general?
Ooh, taking a quick sidestep from the rest of the ask game asks to answer this real quick! Short answer: a little complicated but generally friendly! Long answer: Gotta give some backstory first, bear with me. I have been thinking so much about belief systems vs established canon. Canon says that every human who dies regardless of belief (there may be nuance I'm forgetting but I'm in full speed infodump mode rn so that's a problem for future me) goes to the Far Shore. I say that's... kinda bleak? Also I'm just not a fan of stories where there is only One Real Belief and the rest are played off as silly distraction or whatever, but I digress.
A lot of his everything is based around the idea that both belief and proper death/burial care are important to get people to the afterlife they're meant to be in. Ritual makes all the difference between going to the Far Shore vs the Fields of Asphodel, for example.
His Boatman is Charon, or at least accepts the name. Hyakinthos has a working relationship with him and has probably taken up the oars at least a few times, especially for people who need the extra care in getting to where they need to be.
There's respect there, but there's also a certain... I'm not sure I have the words for it. The idea that death in the Neath is uncertain in so many ways (whether it'll stick that time, whether the person will make it to their afterlife or if they'll slip between the cracks and end up in the wrong place, etc) can be... discomfiting, to him. So while he does hold the boatman in high regard, there's always some little uncertainty there.
(Every so often, by their standards at least, Hyakinthos will bring him a very old obol. The Boatman will always refuse it. This is a ritual of its own. They'll sit for a while and talk anyways, and then part ways afterwards a little lighter.)
#a lot of this is. very theoretical sjfndkjnhg. but that is what he believes#a belief that he's held for longer than he can remember at this point#his lover was buried wrong in the neath. with respect but with the wrong customs#a different culture doing their best but not understanding the nuance#having to exhume and re-bury his lover according to their beliefs permanently rewrote some stuff in his brain i think#he just never wants anyone else to have to go through that fear. of a loved one lost. of being lost themselves in an unfamiliar afterlife#to him final death is a blessing and a comfort and he intends to keep it that way. no fear of what comes after because they know it's okay#i'm not sure if i properly answered your question despite all that dfkgnfhkd if so i'm sorry i got possessed#belief is important in the neath but it's hard to tell where it begins and ends in a literal sense. if the far shore really is all there is#then hyakinthos would feel actively betrayed by the boatman for disregarding all these peoples' beliefs#but if the far shore is an option but not the absolute (as he believes) then it's a lot more gentle of a regard#recognizing that mistakes can be made and dreading them but understanding that the boatman is very old and doing his best#they both are really#it's. you can see the difference there#but without having a distinct idea of where the lines lay it's a little hard to say for absolute certainty y'know#whoops did not mean to leave a whole other post in the tags. i have been quiet about this guy for too long. too much time to think abt shit#ty for bearing with me i guess kdsjgdhgdfgjh#the scientist scribbles#c: hyakinthos athanasiou
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Anyways, to those who have been wondering what we've been doing during our impromptu Tumblr Vacation or whatever we're calling it, we've been trying to find a playthrough of Baldur's Gate 3 that is made by someone who doesn't annoy the shit out of us, and also tormenting Karlach Cliffgate (as you do)
#we speak#also sleeping. we have slept a lot. being in a school environment is exhausting.#its very hard to remember how much we generally enjoy learning when the environment itself is. that#but on the plus side our shittiest possible 40-minute 1k word essay with eight trillion loose lines we Could have connected#was apparently impressive enough that the people who were meant to be assessing it for If We Could Take The Course#as a preliminary instead just forwarded it as a formal application and it got through#we know we are better at writing and deconstructing that writing than most. however.#christ man there were like a dozen cracks in that essay reasoning and a trillion threads we left dangling#we know that directing you to see what the narrative is focusing on and nothing else is a skill we're good at#but like. this is like if we just shucked a pelt off with no processing and showed it to you. its not even scraped yet.#there are little bits of metaphorical fat and gristle all over the underside of this. you can feel them when picking it up.#we lost the plot of the original prompt halfway through to argue about anthrocentrism. it's messy work.#like its decent prose and if we polished it a bit it could probably be decent within the constraints but it's a 40 minute prompt and sloppy#we tabbed out of the test tab and started writing pokemon fanfiction instead of polishing it. and you think it's impressive?#we know we've spent like more than ten years writing and have read a lot even before that we just forget people have such low standards#...god hopefully this doesnt read as bragging. we are having the experience of like#we get out of the most physically and mentally fatiguing experience we've had for like Years after doing the Bare Minimum to not die#we have been outputting work that is sloppy and we are fully aware of it because we are too tired to put full effort into schoolwork#and we are still getting like. “oh wow this is so good youre so good at making things”#like man. we can do better than this. teacher was like “wow youd be a great script writer” we are good at dialogue but better at descriptio#and we weight. a lot of our capacity for dialogue. in our ability to have cues human people do not have. this will not work well on-screen#also that industry is one of the Many Many Industries that are super mega fucked up rn#and we do not work well with constantly changing expectations#we hope this is a fun glimpse into our current life btw we are finally on break and god. this is great. we can sleep now.
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Was talking to my partner about BPD and I mentioned that BPD and DID have almost exactly the same symptoms and they were like "What no that's not true" so I looked it up and the first thing I see is a person with DID complaining about the DSM because BPD and DID have almost exactly the same symptoms
#pwbpd 🤝 pwdid#having episodes of acting entirely differently usually able to be categorized into specifc states#having dissociative derealizing or depersonalizing episodess#rapid and extreme changes in personality often based on situation#all of this being atttributable to childhood trauma#afaik the only big difference is memory loss vs impulsiveness#i think i remember a psychiatrist proposing unifying them and just calling them 'dissociative disorder with memory loss' and '#'dissocative disorder with impulsive behaviour' or something#which i support because apparently it's a common experience on both sides of the aisle to have an unclear diagnosis between the two#especially since if you have both memory loss and impulsiveness... i mean fucked if i know what you have. super disorder#i guess to be fair in order to get diagnosed with bpd you don't have to have all the symptoms that would get you a did diagnosis#especially memory loss. i've looked into it and apparently memory loss is one of those things that's associated with bpd just not a criteria#i definitely have some memory loss after especially bad episodes#somebody described them as comorbid and i was like what does that even look like.#how would you distinguish betweenhaving comorbid bpd and did vs having just one#you can have impulsiveness when you switch alters and you can have memory loss when you have an episode#so like#how can you even know if you have both vs just having one#idk i think the next edition of the dsm is probably gonna change em up something fierce#can't wait to be rediagnosed with There's Something Wrong With Your Personality: Crossover Edition#i guess this is why psychiatry is so ehhhh as a field though#everyone is different and there really isn't a hard line between disorders#fucking. i forgot. the fucking community parlance for having an episode is literally almost the sam#with bpd it's 'splitting' with did it's 'switching'#is there... is there any community overlap? like are there communities for both pwbpd and pwdid?#anyway#gonna stop rambling about psychiatry in the tags#incoherent rambling
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priest: i don't, ah, quite know what to say to you. if you are in such terrible danger, why are you taking it all so calmly? constantine: hmh! i dunno, father. i had a bloke beaten to a pulp earlier this evening. that sound calm to you? priest: you did what...? constantine: i must've been off me bleedin' rocker. i've never done anything like it before in me life, y'know?
constantine: but there's header gets his guts blown out, and george is stickin' his head in the noose, and helen gets ... jesus, then friggin' sarah bites me head off — ! everything's coming to bits in me hands and it's so easy to just see red and now, shit, they could've killed the tosser for all i know! and now i'm just like the bastards i've hated all me life! kill him! fire him! close them down! piss all over him! screw you, i can do whatever i want! i so much as blink and you're dead, pal! i'm in charge!! ...
constantine: 'scuse me, father. i'm always like this when i don't get me own way. — hellblazer #81, "rake at the gates of hell pt. 4"
babygirl you are just....so, sooooo offputting. (and grieving, and guilty, and terrified, but yeah: offputting.)
anyway, it's issues like this one that remind me why i kind of hesitate over some of the retcons in the recent spurrier runs, like the one with him now having opened dream's pouch of sand and stolen some before they even met. because like, it's easy enough to look at john constantine now — with 70 years of worst possible choices and unresolved trauma crystallizing underneath his skin to cover up all the soft, hopeful bits where he's used to getting hit — and assign him arbiter of ill intentions, magus of wasted potential, saint of shit choices, but man . . . he was new to this, once. he was still new to this 80 issues in.
80 issues in, and he's not used to losing friends yet; he even has time enough between catastrophes to grieve each individual one. still has enough left to live for at this stage to necessitate running and hiding, instead of bodily throwing himself at the problem like he learns to later, or sitting apathetically by to do nothing except smoke and watch the world fall apart when he finally gives up. fuck, he still apologizes.
and you're telling me this guy, this soppy wet cat motherfucker hiding from the devil in a church basement, so guilty over not knowing what happened to the guy that he paid people (paid chas, so chas could pay people) to attack that the bottle he's holding in this scene isn't even his second or third........this guy's past, more innocent self lied right to the face of DREAM OF THE ENDLESS and got away with it?
hm. i just don't know about all that.
#also this is where my headcanons tag is from <3#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#( visage. ) AND I'M A BASTARD.#( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.#sometimes i just think that. people really like to reduce constantine down to one or two things#and somehow. after 250 issues of putting his life on the line bc he could never really make himself look away from people suffering#the soft sullen guilty person who wants so fucking desperately to be a better man? is never one of those two things#idk man. i think about this issue all the time#if i put these pages side-by-side with his grief in hellblazer 2? with his grief in hellblazer 213? 215? during the empathy virus arc?#it becomes CRYSTAL clear that the guy we know at the end of hellblazer isn't someone the guy who sat vigil for gary lester would recognize#in fact i think he's someone that hellblazer 81 constantine would fucking Hate#ANYway yeah. i don't think he lied to dream about the pouch. i don't think he ever got it open. i don't think that's canon for me#i want him to fucking Earn his asshole nature. the hard way. by making All The Wrong Choices that it took to get him there#he paved that road with good intentions himself but. he also used to remember the ones he started with#idk if i'm making sense but i have had this panel open on my laptop for Two Months now#bc i can never stop thinking about how fucking crushed he is here to realize that he might be exactly as bad a man as sarah said he was#and how little it will surprise him later on to learn that he is Easily capable of So Much Fuckin Worse#and with that your honor the defense rests. our evidence? just. just Look at this fuckin guy#scopophobia /#scopophobia#eye contact /#eye contact tw
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