#it is VERY much a dog eat dog world out there so even the non-malicious people have to look out for themselves

[screechthemighty]

Knives with a shirt that says "IM VASH" in big in your face letters screaming that hes VASH THE STAMPEDE RIGHT HERE THATS ME as he dismembers people and kicks puppies: So much for the tolerant left, eh Vash? They hate you for no reason...no reason at all...so weird!!

I'M HOLLERING this man just has ZERO concept of the fact that he MIGHT JUST BE THE PROBLEM...

(the post anon is referring to, for context)

[lgbtlunaverse]

Fandom is so nice to Jiang Cheng's inferiority complex because in reality every single thing he gets accused of is something Wei Wuxian is better at than him.

Jiang Cheng killed Wei Wuxian? Nope. Didn't even get close. Wei Wuxian's own spirits tore him apart before jc could even get there. wwx:1 jc:0

Jiang Cheng tortures people? We get two and a half rumours and a mention from jin ling that jc has 'captured' demonic cultivators before, but who is also apparently confident that just letting wwx run off will kill the issue even though those earlier rumours said ~no one who sandu shengshou captured was ever seen again~

The word jiang cheng uses when he tries to talk big game about 'beating the truth' out of Wei Wuxian's is a word that carries the context of pestering someone to do their homework. Doesn't exactly strike fear into my heart.

Wei Wuxian? Excellent at torture. A prodigy. Did you fucking see what he did to Wen Chao? Dude didn't have fingers anymore because wei wuxian made him eat them. He ripped out his hair, burned his skin off, and then stalked him for several days just to prolong the pain. He forced Wang Lingjiao to bite Wen Chao's dick off and then made her shove a stool leg down her own throat! 10/10, no notes. Absolutely horrifying.

Meanwhile Jiang Cheng's idea of torture is getting a dog to bark at Wei Wuxian for a few seconds. Weak, unoriginal, I bet fairy was literally wagging her tail the whole time. 2-0

Jiang Cheng made the entire cultivation world believe Wei Wuxian was up to no good on the burial mounds and ultimately orchestrated his downfall? lol. lmao, even

It's a big thing in certain corners of the fandom to really zoom in one one particular phrase at the end of chapter 73, where after wwx and jc have their staged duel to make the world believe they hate each other jiang cheng tells everyone wwx has defected and become "a public enemy'' or "an enemy to the cultivation world" or whatever the translation you're familiar with decided upon.

(As an aside, something I really like about this line is that the last half of it is almost exactly the same, like verbatim, as what wwx told him to say. like, the chapter is really hammering home just how much jc is speaking from a script here. wwx tells jc to say "今后魏无羡无论做出什么事，都与云梦江氏无关." and jc says "今后无论此人有何动作，一概与云梦江氏无关" the only meaningful difference is that he says 'this person' instead of wwx's name)

I've seen it said that this bit, the use of 'enemy' was said without wei wuxian's approval, that jc deviated from the script just to hurt his ex-shixiong for leaving him. And that this is what caused all the other clans to turn against wei wuxian. Regardless of if this is what jc and wwx discussed, or if jc had malicious motivations for it (considering my conclusions above, you can guess where i fall) it doesn't really matter, because the novel tells us when the clans completely freak out and become convinced wei wuxian is out to get them (though of course they've been wringing their hands about it since the literal day wwx ran off with the wen, months before jiang cheng visited) very neatly in chapter 75!

It's when they find out about Wen Ning.

And how do they find out about Wen Ning?

Because Wei Wuxian took him on nighthunts! And they kicked ass!

...Wei Wuxian, my man, why are you on nighthunts??? Why are you showing off your incredibly cool sentient fierce corpse buddy, who is way better and stronger than all the other fierce corpses, in front of the whole cultivation world??

Whatever his motivations (extra money, maybe?? they were strapped for crash) I can only draw the conclusion wwx had already given up on appearing calm or non-threatening and didn't care if the clans thought he was a threat, because they'd believe whatever they wanted anyway. Which he seems to clearly be aware of the whole time.

Regardless, we know that this is what created the myth of the Yiling patriarch. It's literally when the title first shows up!

Even if you really believe jc was secretly plotting against wwx in chapter 73, he's clearly doing a shit job of it because nothing he said made anywhere near as big an impact as this. Flopped!

The other point people use to argue Jiang Cheng caused wei wuxian's downfall is Jin Guangyao's speech in Guanyin temple about how jiang cheng could have saved wei wuxian if only he stood by him. Setting aside that jin guangyao is trying to get into jiang cheng's head here, and isn't necessarily saying what he really believes (though it very well might be! who knows with a character like jgy. assuming he's always lying is just as misleading as assuming he's always saying the truth) the fact is, if you read the speech closely, what he's talking about is not the 'public enemy' line, he's talking about the bond between them. The fact that people wanted wei wuxian out of yunmeng jiang, because the two were too powerful together.

He's talking about that one time Jiang Cheng very publically kicked wei wuxian out of the sect!

Which, unbeknownst to Jin Guangyao, was in fact Wei Wuxian's idea the whole time.

final score: 3 for you wei wuxian, you go wei wuxian! And nothing for Jiang Cheng bye.

[bloodcandied]

Death Addiction 亡瘾 Chapter 1

I found out I was addicted to suicide when I was in middle school.

How did I initially find out?...... Probably because somehow I found my days uninteresting, every day was just going to school and finishing school, doing homework and eating, until suddenly, I became interested in what came after death.

I had once read a report where someone was resuscitated from the brink of death, and he said he saw the other end of the world.

And I couldn't help but wonder what the junction of life and death was really like?

On the surface, I was no different from the average junior high school boy, perhaps just a little less noisy and a little more precocious in the eyes of my elders.

Ah, you're going to say "This guy idolizes Osamu Dazai" again. I don't know if he was an addict like me, but I do know that if you try death once, just once, it's easy to get hooked on the feeling.

--I feel no anxiety, leaving all attachments behind, calmly taking a seat behind the door while the rope tied to the doorknob loops around my neck. I sink my body in peace and quiet, enjoying the suffocation. The rope gradually tightens, and the images in front of me slowly turn pink. Funny isn't it? Its surprising that your vision doesn't turn blood red or blackened, when slowly suffocating, but instead, your vision turns pink.

Some young men like to listen to songs, smoke cigarettes, slide down high slopes on bicycles, skate ...... and I like to enjoy death quietly.

There were times when I almost played it too close though. The rope was tight around my neck and my feet were slipping on the ground with no way to get up. The pink color gradually turned gray and became that "blackness" state - and no, it wasn't pain that followed, but a strange singing sound.

It was the humming sound of a child. The sound was so soft that it sounded like a mosquito's buzz in my ear.

After an unknown amount of time (maybe just a few seconds), a light source like a camera flash lit up twice in the darkness, let me think of a way to express it...... you've all experienced going through a tunnel in a car, haven't you? As the vehicle is about to leave the dimly lit tunnel, the light source of the exit keeps flashing ahead ...... It's that kind of feeling.

If the knot around my neck hadn't loosened itself, I'm afraid I would have been completely immersed in it and wouldn't have woken up.

Please don't misunderstand though. I'm not that maliciously misanthropic, I love this world. Cats, dogs, girls, dads, moms, and clean kitchen windows ...... are all cute things, right?

I simply just like to simulate hanging, putting a plastic bag over my head, and smothering myself in a bathtub ...... These are very controlled, and environmentally non-problematic ways to die. Slitting your wrists or jumping off a building, or even lying down on a railroad track, would not only be harmful to yourself, but would also cause a lot of trouble for others.

In the end, I don't feel that there is anything special about myself.

My name is Dai Xueming, I'm an ordinary student with middle to high grades, I have a quiet personality, and a hobby for experiencing death. I hate noise or violence, I hate TV dramas, I like old movies and old-fashioned makeup beauties....... You see, if you change "experiencing death" into "painting", "classical music", or "basketball", wouldn't this introduction be so boring and normal that it would be disgusting?

--Now I'm going to talk about my troubles.

Death addiction has made my life almost trouble free. No matter how much pressure I encountered to go to school, all I had to do was to enjoy the feeling of death for a few seconds, and that pressure would instantly dissipate. That's why I was in great shape academically and ranked at the top of my high school. It made my parents proud of me.

My dad had a lot of hopes for me, and they were lovely things, too; I liked the way he relied on me and made me out to be a sparkling gem. He wanted me to travel abroad for two months during the summer of my sophomore year, and then, if conditions permitted, to find an opportunity to study abroad.

The only "problems" I had were mainly financial.

In order to subsidize our family's income, we rented out the upper floor of our house. My family bought the upper and lower floors of a downtown apartment building in the early 1990s, and in the end it proved to be a wise investment.

The rent was reasonable, my parents (the landlords) were friendly, and the location was convenient ...... and soon, the tenant, named Xu Tuo, moved in.

Xu Tuo was about twenty-seven or twenty-eight years old, but appeared young and college student-like. He worked for a nearby IT company, was single, and seemed to have a great personality, and my mom soon started inviting him to come down for dinner every day.

The dinner table with Xu Tuo always had a pleasant and gentle atmosphere. He was like a longtime friend of my family, who naturally blended in as easily as water mixes with water. I called him Brother Xu, my parents called him Xiao Xu, and he often helped us fix our computers and install routers.

If I didn't tell anyone that he was a tenant, he looked just like my brother.

At dinner, Dad would turn on the TV and we'd all eat while listening to the news or something. There had been a murder last week, and one the week before that. The methods were brutal and didn't leave many clues.

Seriously, in all the years my family had lived in this district, we'd never heard of anything like this happening in the neighborhood.

My dad opened a can of beer and handed Xu Tuo another, "I only know that there was a murder case in the old town two years ago ...... It's been so scary lately, I feel that I have to drive to pick up Xueming from school, but he thinks it's embarrassing."

"Well, boys this age they don't like to be picked up and dropped off from class by their parents."

"Yeah, well, in that case, boys should be self-reliant." My dad muttered, "It's just that sometimes the school is late and the parents are unsettled."

"--How about I stop by and pick you up, Xueming?" Xu Tuo asked me, "I'm off from work at the company, and it's on the way to you after school."

And that was how things were settled.

If I had a late dismissal from school that day, he would come by and pick me up from school and go home with me. If my classmates asked me who that was, I could say it was my neighbor's older brother.

If I went home with Xu Tuo, I could buy some snacks at the supermarket on the way. We didn't really have anything in common, so when we were together, he asked me how I was studying, what I want to volunteer in, and then he'd mention the employment problems related to that type of volunteering. Xu Tuo clearly had no common topics for me, but he tried.

Problems soon arose, though.

That day at the convenience store, he bought me fried chicken and a Coke. We ate in the convenience store's dining area before heading back so we wouldn't get nagged by my mom.

It was dark outside, and the lights in the store were the brightest source of light in the neighborhood. The residents of this district were in a hurry because of the murders, and there were far fewer people traveling at night.

Xu Tuo lowered his head and handed me the can, and then suddenly said, "Xueming, are you being bullied at school?"

I froze, realizing to the strangulation marks that were on my neck were visible.

"The shirt was too small and the neckline was too tight." I said, giving him the generic answer. It was the same perfunctory excuse I'd been telling my parents all these years. Mom and Dad didn't think much of it; boys grow up fast, and clothes that fit a year ago might not fit today.

I would also try to grow my hair a little longer to hide the strangles under my ears.

"Tell me if you get bullied."

"Why? Do you have a solution?" I laughed, "Like The Yakuza?"

"Adults have adult solutions."

Xu Tuo's gaze was still on my strangulation marks. Then, I heard him say words that sent chills down my back.

"--That's not caused by your shirt collar being too tight." He said softly, "Are you being bullied? Or are you trying to kill yourself?"

I stared at him.

At times like this, one was always tempted to say something trashy as a comeback, such as "It's none of your business," "I pulled it too hard when I put on my shirt," "I hurt myself with a prop when I was rehearsing for the school play. "......

But perhaps it was the displeasure of my secrets being pried into, so I desperately observed everything about him, trying to find points where I could strike back at him instead.

The Xu Tuo in front of me, the IT company programmer, looked younger than his actual age - fair skin, tall and well-proportioned, kind personality, well groomed, and because of his good looks, many old aunts in the neighborhood inquired about his relationship status ......

This was a frustrating discovery, because I realized that what I knew about Xu Tuo, just like me without the "death experience" part of me, seem ordinary and boring.

There had to be something ...... he must have something that I could hold on to. Everyone had their own little black secret, Did he have a disease like hepatitis? Was he a homo? Did he secretly like women's clothes? Maybe he was missing a ball? ......

No one could be that squeaky clean, I knew he must have hidden the most colorful part of himself.

Immediately afterward, I found it though.

"That stain on your collar, is it blood?" I said, "Blood dries quite distinctly on black clothes, and these little stains are clumped together and dark, so I think it's blood. You ......"

Blood on the collar? That could be nosebleeds, coughing up blood, gingivitis, fights ...... I was stuck for a second, not knowing which one to pick. There were two small stains on the collar of his black shirt, so small I couldn't even be sure if they were blood or something else.

With a soft thud, the can in my hand was pressed by him on the table. Xu Tuo smiled at me. It was a peculiar smile, think of a patchwork avatar, where you put smiling eyes and a smiling mouth on a blank face, but you know that it's got a blank base.

"How about we play a game?" He said, "Xueming, let's exchange secrets."

"I don't have any secrets."

"No, you have to play." He said as he took me by the shoulders and led me out of the convenience store with a strength I had no way of breaking, "Your secret should be interesting. Your dad's a cop, and it has to be a secret he can't even find out, I'd be proud of knowing your secret. "

The streets were deserted and I felt nervous. I wasn't sure if I should struggle or yell. He led me through the city park, which was the opposite direction of home.

"The first day I got to your house, I thought you were a very strange child." He whispered, "What do boys that age like? Soccer, basketball, women's boobs, orchestra, physics experiments, playing games, the Fast and Furious series ...... I prepared myself mentally that maybe the landlord's family would have a noisy kid that people like me hate. However you were the complete opposite of what I expected. I don't see your hobbies."

"And what about you? What do you like?"

"We agreed to exchange secrets. You can't ask me to give you my secrets without an equal exchange."

Without realizing it, we had walked a long way and stopped under a bridge underpass. This was the place where the first recent murder case had taken place.

Xu Tuo took me by the shoulders. He was clearly curious about my reaction, "I thought you'd yell and run away. Aren't you afraid?"

"Should I be afraid?"

I asked the question sincerely.

Because of my obsession with death, I was numb to the normal sources of fear in the human world. But it still sounded a bit provocative, and Xu Tuo sighed and led me towards the darkness below the bridge.

At this point, I stopped in my tracks. I felt like I should announce my first secret, just to make this impasse easier. After all, I had an English quiz tomorrow, and I had to go home and catch up on homework and memorize my vocabulary.

"Do you like the feeling of dying?" I asked.

At the sound of the words, Xu Tuo's body in the darkness jerked around and looped something like a thin rope around my neck, tightening it viciously. His technique was quick and skillful, and it all happened in the flash of a few seconds.

To be continued

--------------

[sephiwhore]

Ok but literally all the cyberpunk oc questions? LETS GO CHOOM!!! -thosetwistedtales

Bet you didn’t think I’d actually do it >:3 Okay well I technically didn’t, I did skip some of them cause I couldn’t think of anything, I’d already answered it, or the answer was just “no”.

Without further ado I present, All The Questions about Tess, answered under the cut!

— BASICS

full name: Tess Valere

birthday: She has no idea, and for most of her life she didn’t even know birthdays were a thing

gender and pronouns: Female, she/her

nicknames or aliases: V (obviously), her surrogate brother called her Tessa

sexuality: a big ol bisexual

ethnicity: a big ol white girl

affiliations [corporation/gang/themselves/etc]: she grew up on the streets of Heywood, so certain Valentinos would help her out now and again. She’s nowhere near loyal to them, but she’ll try to avoid killing them during jobs

what languages do they speak?: English, conversational Spanish, and she knows a handful of Japanese words

— PERSONALITY

alignment: Chaotic Good, but she dabbles in Chaotic Neutral

color(s) you associate with them: cyan and black and after Johnny comes into her life, red

theme song: Unbreakable by Fireflight

what heavenly virtue would you assign them? Humility

what deadly sin would you assign them? Wrath

what is their biggest strength? Sheer fucking perseverence, mostly fueled by spite

what is their biggest fear? Losing the people she loves, because throughout her life those have been few and far between and she’s lost a good number of them

what is their biggest weakness? Again, the people she loves

are they confident in their abilities? Oh you bet your ass she is, so confident that she stormed Arasaka Tower with nothing but her revolver and her cyberdeck

what is their opinion on cybernetics? They’re a necessary evil. Her brother dealt with cyberpsychosis so in a way she resents cybernetics, but she also knows that you won’t get far as a merc in Night City without a few implants

do they have a good sense of humor? Yes, very dry and sarcastic

how do they cry? When she cries it’s either from rage or panic, very little in between

how do they laugh? Quite subdued, usually the most you’ll get out of her is a hearty chuckle. Very rarely does she go into a full laughing fit

do they smoke? She started smoking after Johnny popped up in her head cause she felt bad for his situation (after she stopped hating him anyway) and figured she could give him this one thing. And now she smokes like a chimney.

do they drink? She’s been dealing with alcohol dependence and borderline alcoholism for half of her life

what kind of drunk are they? As she drinks more it progresses from pretty chill, then VERY affectionate, and then Fightey

do they take any drugs? She knows how she is with alcohol so she avoids drugs like the plague

— COMBAT

preferred weapon: For close/mid-range, a nice beefy revolver (Overture) or Johnny’s Malorian. Long range, a sniper rifle.

combat style [stealth/melee/brute force/etc] Depending on the environment, it’s either stealth with a silenced pistol and lots of quickhacks, a John Wick style headshots-galore shootout, or sniping from a distance

primary stats [ex: intellect] Intelligence and Reflexes

biggest weakness in combat: She sometimes forgets to watch her back, and tends to ignore injuries and see the fight through when retreating would probably be the best course of action

threaten or charm? Depends on the target, she’s great at both

lethal or non-lethal? For corpos, the more malicious gangs (Tygers, Animals, 6th Street), or anyone who has hurt innocents, full lethal. If she’s just infiltrating a warehouse full of workers, non-lethal

leave quietly or send a message? She sends a message WHILE leaving quietly

strategy or improvise? Improvise

— APPEARANCE

hair style and color [is it natural? do they change it a lot?] She has synthhair so she can change the style and color at will (I have no idea if that’s how it actually works but I say it is) but she usually sticks to come kind of short sideshave/undercut in some shade of blue.

eye color: Natural eye color is green, but she usually has black scleras with a red circle

height: I had her at 5’8 until yesterday when I realized ya know what, I want a tall girl. So she’s 6 feet.

describe their body type: Skinny, small tiddies, but still fairly curvy

describe their style: Dark colors, leather jackets, lots of boots (also Johnny’s tank top and aviators)

do they wear makeup? Very smudgey eyeliner. Her upper lip is tattooed black and she usually leaves the bottom one bare

tattoos? any significant ones? Lots of tattoos that I haven’t figured out yet, except fir a modified version of the Valentinos neck tattoo, the V being to honor her brother Ven (she took on the name V to honor him too)

scars? Random ones here and there from random gunshots, stabbings, and other work-related injuries

piercings? A bunch that I can’t remember off the top of my head

cybernetics? Gorilla arms, the charge jump ankle ones, eventually she gets synth lungs as a preventative measure cause of the whole smoking thing

— FAVORITES

favorite place in night city: The streets of Heywood because they’re home to her, despite all the awful memories growing up. After Johnny comes along, she starts to like high places, and she loves to hang out on the patio outside Kerry’s house

favorite tv show and/or movie: She loves horror movies, except ghost one cause she doesn’t believe in ghosts so she just finds them dumb

favorite vehicle. do they prefer cars or motorcycles? Vastly prefers motorcycles, she hasn’t really driven a car much since she was a teenager. Her favorite is Jackie’s Arch.

favorite food: She sees food solely as a source of fuel, she will eat whatever is easiest

favorite drink: Tequila

favorite song: Black Dog :3

favorite type of weather: She LOVES the rain (but the water kind, not the acid kind)

favorite radio station: Vexelstrom, and then Morro Rock cause Samurai :3

favorite pastime: Working out, shooting ranges, Jackie and Vik got her into occasional boxing

— RELATIONSHIPS

what are their parents like? what kind of relationship do they have with your character? She had no memory of her parents and assumes they’re both dead

do they have any other family members? what kind of relationship do they have? She has a “brother”, who she knew only as Vendetta (or V). He found her on the streets and took her in when she was 10, and raised her from then on until he “died” 12 years later. Their relationship was great, despite the fact that he was not a very nice person to everyone else but her. 

who is their closest friend? Of course Jackie, and then Kerry (and Johnny ofc)

who are their other friends if they have them? Nope! :D

what are their exes like? any significant ones? She’s never really had a serious relationship, mostly just flings and acquaintances-with-benefits

are they in a relationship? with who and how is it going? Johnny! And it’s uh. Well, ya know.

who are their enemies? She has a passionate hatred for whichever corpo makes cyberpsychosis medication, and for Max Tac cause she sees them as responsible for the loss of her brother. And of course Arasaka.

have they ever lost anyone important to them? Her brother, Jackie, Johnny

would they betray their own morals for their loved ones? Abso-fucking-lutely

have they ever sacrificed something for someone they care about? if so, what? In one of my two canons for her, she gives Johnny her body

— BACKGROUND

where did they grow up in night city? if not from night city, where are they from? The streets of Heywood, then in a shitty apartment in Heywood

how would you describe their childhood? Miserable

were they well-off, poor or somewhere in between when growing up? After Ven took her in, they did have an apartment but because he needed monthly baloperidol (cyberpsycho meds) injections, they were quite poor

what kind of education did they receive? The only real education she ever got was “how to shoot a gun”

what is the biggest lesson they learned growing up? Everything and everyone in the world is going to try its best to destroy you. Destroy it first.

what is their happiest memory? A few weeks after Ven took her in and and it finally hit her, this was real, she had a home, someone that cared for her, and she never had to go hungry again,

what is their most painful memory? Watching her brother, in the middle of a psychotic break, being gunned down. After that it would be saying goodbye to Johnny (in the canon where that happens)

have they kept any meaningful mementos from their past? One of the revolvers she owns was given to her by her brother, and all of her piercings and a couple of her tattoos were done by him so they’re mementos, in a way

is there anything they would change about their past? She would do anything to save her brother.

[simptasia]

lost characters based solely on how i portray them in my text post memes

jack: constantly crying and/or screaming. no emotional stability. no social skills. terrible bedside manner. endearingly bland. into powerful women. loves the red sox... a lot. daddy issues. doesn’t believe in himself. has shitty tattoos. being crushed under the weight of everybody’s expectations. more or less hot. he is not cool at all. repressed attraction to guys. chronic hero syndrome. adorably embarrassing as a dad. passionately and violently overreacts to the mere concept of people believing in things. mansplains but in a non malicious way because he is literally that oblivious. gets into fights a lot. dissociates in mirrors. gets injured a lot but doesn’t wanna make a fuss. thinking about caves

kate: desperate need to protect women. bi. is frustrated by jack and sawyer’s personalities but wants to fuck them oh so much. rowdy. feminist. biceps. will call you out. is love with claire and jack and sun and- she has a lot of love to give. she can be ur angel or ur devil. exasperated. doesn’t understand astrology but she’s trying. she’s the slytherin friend every hufflepuff needs. uses guns. doesn’t know how to cook. go to relationship advice is “dump him” or “suck his dick”.  just because you put things in her vagina doesn’t mean you know her. gemini

hurley: sad clown. haha laughter! hiding real pain! has debilitating mental illness. he’s doing his best to stay positive. virgin. genuinely kind soul. overwhelmed by food. awkward around girls he likes. much smarter and wiser than anybody thinks, including himself. a special boy who we all love. says dude a lot. the only valid rich person ever. doesn’t like himself. sees dead people. kinda silly. also he’s fat (but i don’t joke about it in a cruel way)

sawyer: compulsive need to nickname people. from the south. bewildered by charlie’s english slang. covering up vulnerability with jokes and being mean. loves juliet. is an asshole but a loveable asshole (this varies, mostly he’s an asshole). conventionally attractive to the point of boring. got a Thing going on with miles. can’t stand daniel being smart around him. babies freak him out. treats animals poorly

locke: very supportive and new agey type. i’ve made two jokes about him encouraging people to jack off, that wasn’t on purpose but Okay. he doesn’t know what its like to have friends. he says Deep Sounding but odd things. he’s super duper into nature. he suffers. he’s very forgiving of ben to the point of absurdity and he desperately wants ben to love and fuck him. or maybe they are fucking. Who Knows. he loves knifes

sayid: sexy, suffering shannon fucker. he doesn’t respect boone. his life is an endless parade of misery culminating in going on autopilot. respects women

jin: he has no idea what’s going on and his life revolves around sun

sun: beautiful. perfect. very passionate about gardening

claire: bi. frequently ignored. cutesy and sweet. super into astrology and new age stuff. her cheery demeanour can only hold on so long before she loses it. kinda dumb. has baby. vanilla, at least for now. loves charlie but is kinda frustrated by him. goes feral and “kitten thinks of murder all day” sums it up

charlie: that he needs attention and validation to survive would be a gross understatement. bi. trans. punk. stupid. english. really horny and slutty. adores music more than anything. drug addict (again, i refuse to be cruel). severe jealousy issues. inferiority superiority complex. hates himself but will get offended if you hate him. can’t take any form of criticism. is bewildered by sawyer’s american-isms. bit of a madonna whore complex. smol but will go the fuck off like a terrier nipping at ya heels. catholic and riddled with catholic guilt. goofy and obnoxious and he knows it. passive aggressive. terrified of bees. nice ass. mood swings. did i mention he’s short? anyway here’s wonderwall

ben: ugly. just plain terrible. beaten and bruised. seething with rage and pain on the inside. virgin. liar. just causes problems on purpose. resembles a lemur or rat, rodents in general. loves bunnies. doesn’t think sex is real. just a really bad idea for him to be around juliet. has no friends. doesn’t care about other people. says creepy shit just because. he knows he’s a terrible person. killed people. the friend nobody likes and a general nuisance to the other characters

(also my literal first text post meme about ben was a joke about him eating his parents??? 2014 sapphire, i wanna talk...)

juliet: mom friend. seems very calm but she’s screaming on the inside. basically she’s the This Is Fine meme. depressed. has big tits. low-key kinky. feminist in a very gentle way. has no ill will towards kate and will only fight her for fun. concerned for daniel’s well being. has no chemistry with jack. loves sawyer. flat measured calm way of speaking. she’s breaking apart at the seams but will offer you a nice glass of water :)))

michael: has a son..... uh...... enjoys minecraft?

(i’m sorry)

desmond: scottish. drinks. easily and constantly confused. magic psychic time powers, like visions and electromagnetic dimensional stuff. easily angered. fucked off by the concept of time and destiny in general. hhhhhhhot

smokey: Hello Fellow Humans I Promise This Is My Own Skin Haha

miles: bi. aro. loves money (trying to fill the hole in his heart with money and things). emo/punk. pretends not to care but he really does care. thinks emotions and romance are dumb but of course is emotional... and kinda wants love. but not that he LIKES you or anything. exasperated. thinks everybody else is weird. kinda slutty or at least trying to be. masochist and into BDSM. mean to daniel for no reason. daddy issues. resting bitch face. jaded, bitter and salty. responds to romantic things dan or char say with vulgar or mocking comments. grew up poor. can hear dead people. trying too hard to be edgy. deadpan snarker. Fuck Off I’m Not Sad Don’t Look At Me [cries only around the audience and his mom]

walt: becoming older than 10 was when things went downhill for him

shannon: seems vapid but is more than that. deeply insecure. feels she can’t do anything right. constantly put down as worthless by other people. yeah she’s sad but she Looks Great. wants sayid to pound her (mood)

(gee, that was dark)

richard: very old and ageless. sees ben as a son figure. really not holding it together. seems smart but he has no fucking idea whats going on. cult mindset. quips curtly back at miles’ vulgar jokes. in love with miles based on very little interaction. misses his dead wife. has a cute giggle. is also hot. overwhelmed and just wants to go into the jungle and scream

frank: doesn’t understand what anybody is talking about. the only normal person here. doesn’t understand these kids today with their weird kinks. just wants to sleep. pilot. bit of a conspiracy theorist

boone: bi. stupid. soaked in blood a lot.  (L I T E R A L L Y all of my boone jokes are about him being dumb and bi and horribly injured and combos of those. i haven’t even made any incest jokes! what the actual fuck)

ana lucia: “[with tears in her eyes] DO U WANNA FIGHT??”. highly volatile. lesbian. bros with jack but will roast him. angery, sad and underloved

daniel: bi, agender, neurodivergent, just, just especially brain weird. The Scientist trope but kind of a shitty scientist. smart. in love with charlotte. in love with desmond. likes rats a lot. talks weird and soft spoken. withdrawn and polite but with bursts of bitterness. his mom won’t let him live the live he wants to live. time travel weirdness. loves music. gifted kid burn out. has a mental and emotional collapse. thinks a hydrogen bomb will solve all his problems. skinny. touches people a lot. he’s not okay. romantic. overwhelmed. memory problems. his lack of life experience and softness is used to contrast miles. takes some statements literally. pretty vanilla (for now) and doesn’t know what certain kinks are. likes that charlotte is Tough & Rowdy. doesn’t swear much. bad hair. was unhinged in college. has radiation poisoning

libby: neurodivergent and in love with hurley

eko: yeah... i’ve legit only used him for jokes where charlie says something EXTREMELY vulgar and eko says “go to church”

charlotte: bi, loud, passionate, beautiful, angery, knows All The Languages, huge nerd, loves daniel and thinks he’s a Snack, outspoken feminist, archaeologist/anthropologist and wants to explore some fucking ruins, The Lost Lenore trope, loves chocolate, exasperated, great smile, subtly insecure, doesn’t get that she could just tell daniel how she feels, has had many indiana jones like adventures (off screen, of course), for example: crashing her dirtbike into all 7 wonders of the world

danielle: french and unhinged, has seen some shit

alex: just a young lady with no chill

jacob: suffers from terminal apathy. has little understand of human behaviour. doesn’t care about people. he just plain sucks. has no endearing qualities. causes many problems. beats the shit outta richard. doesn’t like technology. so removed from humanity that he’s a touch uncanny valley

christian, eloise, charles and anthony jokes each have their own kind of flavours but fuck it, i’ll sum them all up as: contemptuous cunts who deserve to die

aaron: just a baby boy. does baby things. has like 5 parents

vincent: a dog. a good boy. does he know more than he lets on? is he mysterious? no, he is just a dog

[theonceoverthinker]

When Will My Life Begin? (Fair Game, 12/?)

Summary: Tangled AU. Clover Callows has been confined to a tower for all of his life, and given the threat that his Uncle Tyrian says his semblance poses to his safety, he accepts that fate. It’s the only life he’s ever known, after all. But when he’s offered the opportunity to fulfill his greatest dream after a chance encounter with a thief -- or bandit, as Qrow Branwen insists there’s a difference between the two -- both Clover and Qrow will discover joys that they never knew life could offer them before.

AO3

Tumblr: (1) (2) (B1) (3) (4) (B2) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (B3) (10) (11)

A/N: ...You guys are either going to love me for this chapter or hate me! Just so you know, I’m preparing an umbrella for the things you’re going to fling at me for this one! XD Anyway, enjoy!

()()()()()()()()()()()()()

Sometimes, raising Clover Ebi -- or rather, Clover Callows, as he now called him -- as his own ‘nephew’ was more trouble than it was worth. 

Sometimes, it was a lot more trouble than it was worth, so much so that Tyrian had to remind himself that it was an endeavor that still merited seeing through.

Right now, as Tyrian trudged through the forests of Remnant, it felt like one of those times.

‘Uncle Tyrian! I put some dough in an oven and managed not to burn the tower to the ground! Aren’t I so smart?’

‘Uncle Tyrian, I want to see some stupid green lights and give away my identity to everyone you’ve carefully hidden it from for over twenty years!’

‘Uncle Tyrian, I want new paint from the furthest Gods damned corner of this dog’s dropping of a continent! Go get me some as well as a bag full of some other trash from the ground!’

What. A. Pest.

For twenty years, he’d had to live with that constant pest yammering in his ear all day long, asking -- nay, begging -- for trash or praise for his mediocre accomplishments or answers to his positively inexhaustible supply of banal questions.

This domestic life caring for Clover that Tyrian had subjected himself to was without question relentlessly dull, annoying, boring, and miserable.

Gods, if it weren’t for his semblance, he’d-

Well, if it weren’t for his semblance, Tyrian wouldn’t be so close -- so very, very close -- to being Salem’s right hand man, and with his ‘nephew’s’ continued help, he’d likely get that spot soon enough.

After all, that’s how he’d gotten so far. Others near the top of her hierarchy had fallen prey to many tragic ‘accidents’ over the years. 

Who could have predicted how Arthur Watts’ latest invention would not only malfunction, but that the explosion would release chemicals that came together to act as a pheromone for Grimm? 

How cruel could fate be to have the support beam that Hazel Rainart was hiding behind collapse just as he was about to complete his most recent mission for Salem?

What could have been done to prevent Leo Lionheart from attempting to desert Salem’s forces just as she’d had one hundred Grimm return from battle eager for something -- or rather, someone -- to eat?

And what sort of disaster would just the tiniest bit of luck have in store for Cinder Falls, Salem’s current right hand?

So yes, Clover was a pest, but he was a pest that nonetheless had been very successful at improving Tyrian’s placement in Salem’s hierarchy.

Tyrian supposed it stood to reason that he had to do things to keep Clover happy to ensure that that would only continue. He’d been careful to never push his luck too hard in that regard, knowing that even fear and guilt had its limits on what they could make a person willingly endure, and after their fight -- especially when it involved discussing actually going outside -- Tyrian knew Clover was getting agitated enough to possibly act on his desires.

Tyrian wasn’t about to let that happen, and so now here he was, about to make a trip all the way to the Argus Coves.

It was an ordeal, if for no other reason than that he’d be away from Salem, but it was one he would suffer all the same in her name.

He was lucky -- Salem had decided to spend the next fortnight in her Grimm pools, devising new forms for her malicious, yet stunning pets to take. She wouldn’t need his -- or, more importantly, anyone else’s -- services, nor ask about his whereabouts -- not that she ever did, always so respectful of her loyal subject’s privacy.

Salem trusted him…

In return, just as he gave her his unconditional admiration, he also gave her lies.

Tyrian hated lying to her about Clover, but he reasoned that helping her by channeling all of Clover’s luck into her most adoring servant’s being would be a better way of ensuring her victories. After all, who else would care about nothing more than Salem’s continued successes? Her other minions all had their own concerns and even if they didn’t, Train found that they were about as competent as a cat being trained to not drink milk.

In any event, his strategy had worked over the past two decades, and if he had anything to say about it, it would continue to work for the rest of his days. Perhaps, should he not only tell Clover about her, but also inspire him to love her as well -- and he absolutely could -- his scheme would persist even after his death.

He could only hope, for it was what Salem deserved.

Salem...Salem was a Goddess -- radiant, bold, cunning, enchanting, beautiful in both her body and soul, wise, gentle, ruthless, and far more qualities than Tyrian couldn’t state with all the world’s air in his lungs on top of even that. How the pitiful wastes of life in Remnant managed to not only not spend every waking moment of their purposeless days either bowing before her glory or gathering gifts to bestow upon her, but actually oppose her, he’d never know.

Cretins, the lot of them -- hopelessly lost cretins.

And of all the cretins Remnant had to offer, he got stuck with the worst of them to play the role of a lifelong babysitter -- and at present, delivery boy -- for.

Tyrian mentally mapped out his trip. If he stayed at a steady speed, took regular breaks, and ate and slept as he planned, he’d be at the Argus Coves by tomorrow afternoon. He’d spend two or three hours collecting shells and then head back to the tower. While he hated collecting the shells, and knew it would be a complete bore of a chore, it was best not to give Clover any reason to ask for more of them next year, or the next few of them, for that matter.

Then again, Clover had shown himself to be at least a little unpredictable, so he could only guess as to how quickly he would go through those paints, or what else he would desire for future birthdays.

After all, somehow, Clover had managed to conceal that mural of his from him for Gods knew how long. If it wasn’t for the subject matter of its depiction, Tyrian would almost be impressed by that bit of stealth. Clearly, he’d taught Clover well.

However, he may have been teaching Clover too well. If he could conceal an entire wall of the tower from him, what else could he be hiding? That tower might not have been large and Clover never left it, but it was fitted with many a nook and cranny for which to tuck away any number of trinkets.

Well, he’d just have to have a little search when he got back to the tower. He could disguise it as a game of hide and seek or just a checkup to make sure Clover was cleaning his living space well enough.

Clover might have believed himself to be clever -- he may have even crossed the threshold of cleverness a few times in his life -- but Tyrian knew he could put him in his place easily enough. Given how much lip disguised as wit Clover had started to show as of recent, perhaps it wasn’t a bad idea to do so sooner rather than later.

Tyrian had just started to drum up more ideas for how to best reign in his ‘nephew’ when suddenly, he heard a voice cry out.

“Let me go!” It was a man’s voice, one Tyrian thought he might have recognized, but was unable to recall its source on just it alone.

“Not a chance, you thief!” a woman’s voice responded, a low chuckle underneath her words. 

Now that voice, Tyrian was reasonably sure he did recognize.

Before he could confirm it, another set of noises grabbed his attention -- the woman’s, and by the sounds of it, others’ footsteps were approaching

Quickly, Tyrian hid himself behind a tree, and just in time. Keeping careful as to remain unspotted, Tyrian peeked to look at the opposite side of the tree.

There, a group of five people, one of whom seemed to be something of a prisoner held tightly in one of their arms, emerged into his line of sight.

However, the four non imprisoned people weren’t just any people.

They were the Ace Ops. 

Comprised of General Ironwood’s four children -- Harriet Bree, Elm Ederne, Marrow Amin, and Vine Zeki -- The Ace Ops served as the leaders of Remnant’s royal guard.

But what were they doing here?

Tyrian had only a small handful of run-ins with the Ace Ops all that much over the years since their formation, but despite that, he knew all about them, from their names to their weapons to their semblances -- when one was regularly gathering intel, threatening informants, and killing bystanders and witnesses who saw him doing either of those things in order to best assist Salem’s strikes against the kingdom’s capital, it was practically a requirement. 

Because of that, it was odd to see Harriet on a horse, given that her semblance revolved around her own speed, but Tyrian didn’t let himself think about it too much, preferring to get an answer to his inquiry about just what led them so far out in the woods.

He looked at the prisoner in Elm’s arms and immediately, his eyes bulged with recognition.

Mercury Black.

Tyrian knew this man well. He was a thief, and unfortunately, a rather good one, or at least he seemed to be prior to this moment.

Salem had given Mercury not a small amount of her attention as of late. She entertained the idea of him as a prospective recruit for her forces, sending him out on missions to see just how much he could achieve. While he lacked Tyrian’s dedication to serving her, Mercury’s talent and need for direction as well as means for his survival in the cruel world they lived in piqued Salem’s interests. Like a lump of clay, Salem felt that she could perhaps mold him into a model member of her inner circle, one strong enough to enact her schemes and ready as well as willing to die for her at a moment’s notice.

Alas, it looked like Mercury’s talents had failed him. Tyrian knew Salem well and a failure that ended up with him in the custody of the Ace Ops of all people was likely a big one, all but guaranteeing the destruction of any interest she had in Mercury as a member of her forces.

Well, that just meant more attention and admiration for Tyrian to enjoy. 

And not only that, but he would have the esteemed pleasure of reporting the news of his -- judging by Elm’s grip -- literally crushing defeat to Salem once she returned to her throne.

How lucky was that?

Hmm. So this is why he had to get Clover those paints. 

It was a worthwhile enough sacrifice.

“Let me go!” Mercury repeated.

“I don’t think so, buddy!” Elm said, gripping Mercury tight in her unwavering hold, her feet firmly on the ground as to restrain any attempts of his to fight out of her grasp.

It didn’t appear to stop him from trying though.

What a waste of his goddess’ sights he turned out to be.

From her horse, Harriet turned to him. “If I can’t bring my father Branwen’s head, then I’m at least bringing him yours!”

“I don’t even have the stupid brooch!” Mercury yelled, still fighting for some nonexistent leeway in Elm’s vice like grip, not that he’d get that far if he even found it with the three other Ace Ops directly next to her. 

“Don’t you worry -- it will be found.” Harriet then looked out to the team. “Elm, stay here with the prisoner and keep an eye out for Branwen. Vine, Marrow, and I will continue to comb the forest, and we’ll reconvene here in an hour with our findings. We’re not going home without that brooch.” The determination in Harriet’s voice had Tyrian bite his lip.

Crap. Knowing Harriet, that last sentiment may very well have been a true one.

In the twenty years since Tyrain took Clover, guards have searched the forest, but they’d never come across the tower’s hidden entryway. While the brooch was likely nowhere near the tower, and the Ace Ops were still roughly a quarter of a mile out from its exact location, Tyrian couldn’t help but acknowledge the feeling of unease in his stomach.

If Remnant’s most specialized guards -- Clover’s siblings, no less -- were searching this bit of the forest, whether looking for their long-lost brother or not...they might actually find something more than just some brooch.

Harriet directed the horse she was riding on towards the tower’s general direction.

Clover!

Knowing what he had to do, Tyrian slunk away from his hiding place and snuck through the forest, careful to keep both a strong distance between himself and Harriet as well cautious, yet quick movements to pass her and get back to the tower before she could ever learn about its existence. 

It wasn’t hard. Tyrian had traversed these woods so much over the course of his life, especially over the past two decades, that he grew to know them better than he did his own hand. Every twist and turn and fork in the road on its dirt-floored surface was committed to his memory like the appearance of the very sun that shone above him.

When Tyrian at last made it to the tower’s entryway, he was well ahead of Harriet, ensuring that he would be absolutely safe crossing the canopy of vines in a way that would keep him as well as their odd disposition unspotted by her.

Tyrian rushed through the caves and clearing, all the way to the base of the tower.

“Clover!” Tyrian called out when he finally arrived. “I forgot my rain boots! Bring me back up!”

It was an odd excuse -- especially as there was no sign of rain coming for the foreseeable future -- but Clover would ask why he came back if he didn’t have one at the ready all the same.

Tyrian waited a second for Clover to respond, but for the first time in as long as he could remember, when he called to the tower, he heard nothing back. It was a foreign feeling, one that at present grated on Tyrian’s nerves like a room of mumblers.

“Clover!” he half shouted and half growled. “Wake up!”

Still, not a sound left the tower. 

As soon as he realized that no sound would be coming out, Tyrian whipped the sharp, metallic end of his tail out and slammed it into the dirt between the tower’s bricks, pulling himself up and then clinging to the bricks with the help of his blades as his tail ascended his form further up the tower’s length.

It was a method for climbing the tower that he hadn’t used in years, manually climbing it himself -- practically antiquated thanks to Clover’s weapon, but it was handy in a pinch.

Right now, Tyrian absolutely felt like he was in the pinchiest of pinches.

With exhaustion that only climbed in magnitude as the seconds passed, Tyrian made his way the tower.

Tyrian called out Clover’s name twice as he rose from the ground, but to no avail. Clover’s room was as quiet as a tomb.

Oh, that room would be a tomb alright when he was finished with Clover…

No, he couldn’t think that way...as much as he wanted to...

Upon reaching the tower’s window, Tyrian paused for no more than but a second to catch his breath, looking around the room frantically all the while.

The tower was dark.

The tower was quiet.

Neither of those things had ever been true when a waking Clover Callows roamed its singular upper room.

Hell, thanks to his brat’s snores, the tower was never quiet, even when he was sleeping!

As soon as Tyrian had recovered enough of his breath to continue, he ran to Clover’s bed, pulling off the blankets with a harsh tug.

Clover was going to pay when he woke up.

However, underneath the covers, there was no Clover.

“Clover!” Tyrian called out.

Maybe...maybe he was just using the bathroom...in the dark...without noticing his uncle’s cries…

Tyrian rushed to the bathroom, but just as with Clover’s bed, Clover wasn’t there.

Oh Gods, where was he?

Confused, Tyrian ran around the tower, tearing apart anything Clover might be hiding or sleeping either in or under. He even opened the door to the tower’s stairwell which led to his own room and checked there. However, not one place held Clover’s form.

As Tyrian approached the tower’s window, he couldn’t help but run his fingers through his hair in much the same fashion as he searched for Clover -- frantically.

Was he actually kidnapped?

There seemed to be no sign of a struggle, and he’d taught Clover to distrust outsiders enough to at least cause something of a scuffle should one ever show their face in the tower.

Suddenly though, something removed Tyrian from his thoughts.

By the bottom of the tower’s small balcony’s staircase, a small glimmer of something was reflecting off the sun, creating a glare of light that went right into Tyrian’s left eye. Tyrian sidestepped the glare’s direct trajectory, but kept its location in his mind as he steadily approached it.

He had given Clover many things over his nearly twenty years in this tower, but never had he been given something so shiny as to create such a harsh glare.

What the hell could this be?

 Upon reaching the staircase, Tyrian lifted the semi-broken plank where the glimmering object sat. 

Inside the makeshift cupboard was a satchel...and inside the satchel was an emerald encrusted, clover-shaped brooch.

No…

It couldn’t be...

Had Clover learned of his identity?

While it made all too much sense for his mind to go there, Tyrian fought the instinct with facts. If Clover had learned who he really was, why would he leave behind the key piece of evidence of his discovery? He clearly wasn’t trying to make a point to Tyrian given how he hid the brooch in such an odd location and didn’t provide his beloved ‘Uncle Tyrian’ with so much as a note for context concerning the brooch’s existence and his reaction to it. 

No, for some reason, Clover wanted the brooch and the satchel that held it to remain here, and Tyrian immediately swore to himself that he was going to discover that reason before any havoc on his life could be further wreaked.

He already had an inkling of a clue.

The Ace Ops were searching for a man called ‘Branwen’ -- whoever that was. Tyrian believed he’d heard the name once or twice in passing, but based on what they were saying, Branwen was a thief, a thief that had stolen the brooch. 

It now made sense as to what mission Salem had put Mercury up to, as well as why the Ace Ops were called to take on a thief.

Wherever Clover was, it was likely with Branwen, and judging by the still revealed painting of Clover’s wish, Tyrian had a pretty good idea of where it was they were going.

Now, all he had to do was find them and end this trip of lunacy before they got there.

Tyrain warped the satchel in a bundle and hid it in the basket Clover had prepared for him. He then felt for the handles of his blades, The Queen’s Servants. Even without touching them, he could sense they were as hungry to restore his brand of order as he was.

It was a good feeling.

Approaching the tower’s window, Tyrian shot the long way down an exasperated look.

What a pain this was going to be to climb down manually once more for the first time in so long.

He swore to the Gods, without that semblance of Clover’s...

Sometimes, raising Clover was more trouble than it was worth, but for the benefits his semblance provided, Tyrian knew he had no choice but to clean up his ‘nephew’s’ mess.

[lovemesomesurveys]

How do you feel about full length beards? I’m not into a lot of facial hair. I like some scruff, but that’s it. Have you ever been to a circus? Yeah, once. I was naive and didn’t know about the abuse that went on at the time. Do you know anyone who’s gone to a Fat Camp? No. Do you use Facebook IM everyday? No. I don’t even remember the last time I used it. How many surveys have you done already today? This is my first.

What’s the WORST show on Adult Swim? I don’t care for the Adult Swim shows. Family Guy and American Dad is okay, but after that it gets too stupid and weird for me. Sorry. Like once I saw this show, Mr. Pickles, and uh... wtf. The episode I saw was very disturbing. I don’t get the appeal of Rick and Morty at all. And why the hell is Mike Tyson Mysteries a thing? That’s just to name a few. I see previews of other shows and I just... wow. Do you have any relatives that have shunned you, or vice versa? No. Has anyone ever posted a HORRIBLE picture of you for everyone to see? Not maliciously or because they thought it was horrible and wanted to embarrass me, but yeah. My mom has posted photos where she didn’t see anything wrong and she thinks I looked fine, but I was like EW NO take that down it’s hideous. I reallyyyy don’t like photos of me taken by someone else. I have to take my own photos if I’m going to take one at all because I know the angles and lighting and can add a filter. Plus, I can take a ton before finally settling on one. If someone else takes the photo and they want to post it, I have to approve. Which grade in school was the most fun for you? I enjoyed elementary and middle school. High school had its ups and downs, but there were parts I liked. I liked the last 2 years the best. Which would you rather have, a new puppy or kitten? I wouldn’t want another pet right now to be honest. We have our doggo and one suits our family best right now. Does drama seem to follow you everywhere you go? No, thankfully. I have other issues I struggle with, but not drama. Do you ever just want to go away to a new place where no one knows you? I don’t live in a small town where everyone knows everyone and I was never Miss Popularity, so apart from family and a few other people, not a lot of people know me. However, I do want move away to a new place. My family and I have wanted to for a long time, we just haven’t been able to. A change of environment and scenery would be really nice. You’re ordering a pizza, you can have any kind of toppings, what are they? I’m a simple gal, I just like white sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, garlic, spinach, and crumbled meatballs with pesto drizzled on top. Do you hit ‘quiet’ or ‘ignore’ on your cell? Which one usually? Nah. If my phone rings and I don’t want to answer it, I just let it ring. Do you ever regret giving your number to people? I have before with some people. Have you ever been told that you’re afraid of your own shadow? Haha yeah. Have you ever tried Gouda cheese? Nope. Does/did your high school have pop machines? No. They decided to remove them the year I entered high school, which I was mad about. Do you use a public computer, or do you have your own? I have my own laptop. Do you ever find it odd how you type LOL when you’re not really laughing? >> No, because I understand that its function has moved far beyond representing actual laughing-out-loud. <<< Yeah. I remember discussing that in a class once. Have you ever gambled? A couple times. Not my thing. Although, what really made my experience unenjoyable wasn’t so much the gambling, it was that the casinos I’ve been to allow smoking and I don’t do well with cigarette smoke. At all. It gives me a killer headache, makes my heart rate go up, and makes me feel dizzy and sick. It’s awful. The smell in the casinos was too overbearing for me, so I spent very little time inside. Do you know anyone who’s won the lottery? No. If you could work at any retail store, which one would it be? I really don’t want to work retail. And that’s not shade toward retail workers AT ALL. I salute you, honestly. You deal with a lot of shit. What’s the shortest you would ever cut your hair? I had a “bob” for a few years. Do you listen to any deathcore? No. Do you subscribe to any teen magazines? Which ones? No. I’m also 30 years old. Do you know someone who never smiles? Never? No. Has anyone ever made you feel uncomfortable at work? I’ve never had a job. Do you still watch South Park? I never did. I mean, I’ve seen bits here and there before because my brother used to watch it, but I was never into it myself. Tell me one movie you’ve seen recently that sucked: My mom, brother, and I recently watched this movie on Netflix called, The Platform. It had potential and was interesting at first, but the ending was just... no. It seemed abrupt and I was just really confused. Have you ever carved something into a dinner booth somewhere? No. When’s the last time you were carded at a bar? When I last went to the bar, which was almost 10 years ago. Do you smoke little cigars? Have you ever tried them? Nooo. You’re babysitting, what do you expect per hour for pay? Pfft, no I’m not babysitting. What’s the last thing you returned at a store? I very rarely return things so I have no idea. It’s been a long time. What’s the name of the last cat you pet? I don’t even recall the last time I petted a cat. Do you still look at clouds and make shapes of them? I haven’t in a long time. If you had to dye your hair for one year, what color would you pick? I already do, I dye it red. Who’s got your heart? Me. What’s your television addiction? I have several shows that I’m into. Have you ever stringed green beans before? No. What do you do to make yourself more relaxed when you’re nervous? It’s hard to calm myself when I’m anxious, but I try to distract by talking to someone, listening to ASMR, watching TV or something on YouTube, or reading.  Do you cook? If so, what’s the last thing you made? The only thing I cook is ramen. Oh wait actually I made a grilled cheese sandwich the other day. ha.  Have you ever had any painful dental work done? If so, what? Yeah, a few things. How do you usually spend your Saturdays? I spend all my days and nights the same, really. Do you make your own jewelry or clothing? Last year I briefly got into making beaded bracelets. I made a few. What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re bored? I do the same things everyday whether I’m bored or not: spend time on my social medias, watch YouTube, read, watch TV, scroll through Tumblr, do surveys, just lie there.... ha. Somedays just feel like they’re dragging and going by extra slow and the things I listed above that I like doing just don’t cut it so I just lie there mindlessly watching TV or go to sleep. Do you use drawing to describe what you’re feeling? No. Do you like the smell of new school supplies? As a kid I did. Like getting a new box of crayons. Do you give everything you do 100%? No. I certainly haven’t with life... Do you shop at any independent music stores? No. I don’t shop at any music stores. How do you feel about mainstream music? I like a lot of it.

What song lyrics describe your mood at the moment? *shrug* Do you have healthy eating habits? No. My eating habits are messed up. I have issues with appetite and other issues.

If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be? A dog. Are you superstitious? If so, what are you superstitious about? I do the knock on wood thing, but it’s just out of habit, really. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be? There’s so many places I’d like to visit. What food disgusts you the most? I don’t do seafood at all. What is your favorite thing to cook? Ramen. One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark? I wouldn’t want to get lost anywhere in the dark. :O Are you claustrophobic? Yes. What is your worst flaw? Oh where to start. One thing that always creeps you out? ALL bugs. What is your biggest fear? Losing loved ones, death, never getting better/getting worse, never doing anything with my life and just wasting away... If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind? I don’t believe in reincarnation. Ideal way you’d like to die? Obviously painlessly, but jeez. If you could be roommates with anyone of your choice, who would you pick? I like living with my family. What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard? Uh, a lot of things. Your favorite kind of dog? I love doggos, but I definitely have a special thing for Labs and German Shepherds. Do you have any scars? If so, how many? I have a lot of scars. I’m not going to count them. What is your favorite scary movie to watch in the dark? I don’t watch them in the dark. Unless I’m at the theater, obviously. I love scary movies, though. Would you rather be buried or cremated when you die? Cremated. What is your favorite thing to drink? Alcoholic and non alcoholic? Coffee and Starbucks Doubleshot energy drinks. That’s also coffee, but you know what I mean. I don’t have a favorite alcoholic drink, I don’t drink. What is your favorite food around the holidays? I love either ham or turkey depending on the holiday and mashed potatoes with gravy, stuffing, and rolls. Easiest way to scare you? I’m such a jumpy, easily scarable (it’s a word, shh) person so you could really just say hi and I’ll jump. haha. Like my back faces my bedroom door and if I don’t hear anyone coming in or they just poke their head in to say something I’ll jump. lmao. Tell me one of your biggest secrets? Nah. What was your last nightmare about? It’s been awhile since I’ve had one, thankfully.

[ur-mom-kayn]

Loyalty Chapter 14: Rhaast

Kayn Pov

He was just angry. But on what or who? Kayn had definitely screwed up, but was it really his fault? He could only remember the action meagerly. Was it because he repressed the situation or because he was simply not himself anymore? Zed was right. He has lost control of his mind, not his body. He was sure he wanted to kill Nakuri. But why did he want that? Kayn glared at the scythe. It was guilty. In rage, he just threw the stupid scythe on the floor and himself into bed. The day was definitely over.

You can not handle me like that!

Kayn jumped when he heard the same voice as in Noxus. This dark and malicious voice. "Who are you and what do you want from me?" Down here, Kid! Kayn sat up and looked at the red eye of the scythe. "Do not tell me now, I have an annoying, talking weapon now." You are the nuisance here, Kid! Kayn got up, picked up the weapon, and went to bed with it. He lay on his back and scythe right next to him. "Why have you been largely silent so far?" I did not know if you were worth it. Actually, I wanted to take over your body immediately and make short work of this world. But somehow I manage only to manipulate your puny mind. Very annoying.

"What do you have? Rewritten my thoughts or what? And you stupid scythe you give it too?" Caution. I am Rhaast. Just call me that. "Anything else? You are just a toy. How should you be dangerous to me? And what kind of name is that? Rast. How is that even written?" Kayn felt a little pleasure in putting on a Darkin weapon. If he wants him to never be manipulated again, then he has to show him who is wearing the pants. And that was definitely Kayn.

R.h.a.a.s.t. You'll see what you got from it, Kid, if you underestimate me. Your mind is weak little one. Granted you obeyed me less than others, but still, it was enough to kill your 'brother'. "The same game applies to you. I am not a child. Call me by my name." Kayn leaned close over his eye and glared at him. What do you want? I have no idea about your name. "Ah, come on, Rhaast. My name was dropped 1000 times before." And if so. When I'm bored, I fall asleep. Besides, I just realized that you howled like a castle dog. Unbelievable that you do not break up to dust. Kayn looked away from Rhaast again. He was annoyed. Once in his life, he showed weakness and then right in front of the eye of a Darkin weapon.

"I'm never like that otherwise. I was desperately okay? That does not happen to me again. I'll master you." * Laughs * You do not believe that yourself, or ...? K ... Anything with a K or? "Kayn. K.a.y.n. And if I believe that. You underestimate me greatly. Why do not you see that I'm worthy of you?" I saw many men who looked far stronger and more powerful than you. Unfortunately, all disappointments. Everyone disintegrated after one minute at the latest. I do not really decide that to be worthy. That's why I do not understand that you, of all people, should be the first person who can guide me. It just does not want to be clear to me.

Kayn did not understand what his damn problem was. His body was perfectly trained. Who should please look stronger and more powerful than him? No one remembered except Zed. But he, too, would not believe he could handle Rhaast. "Well. You certainly claim that you are the most evil being in this world? Nothing and nobody could resist your darkness. But what if your counterpart has an even darker soul. You have no idea who you are using." You're right. I do not know you. I do not need it either. You are just a host. Not more.

Kayn chuckled and battled with pleasure. He would never indulge in such a stupid weapon. "Wait until we get out of here. Then I'll show you who dominates whom here. Congratulations on the rest for this stupid action. If you had not killed my brother, then I would have returned home as a celebrated hero and could grant me the greatest privilege." Yes. You would have fucked with your beloved master. I do not care. The Order does not interest me. I break in the stupid walls and come out of here. Did you ever get locked up? These sliding doors have no lock right?

"Nothing is torn down here. We stay nice here. And no, we are not really included. If my master says he imprisons me, he only addresses it to my sanity. I am a person you can not just imprison. How should I say, I live in walls practically." In? In plain language, you can walk through walls. Extremely practical. Tell me Kayn, how do you do that? Where did the sudden interest in his person come from? One thing was clear, Rhaast was not to be trusted. He did not exactly make a nice impression. He did not need that either. As long as he was willing to cooperate, that was enough for him.

"If you did not notice, I did the Shadow Step non-stop during our escape. Anyway, I'm sure you 'slept'. But now to write. You are here in the Order of Shadow. We are assassins who use a forbidden technique of shadow magic. I can not explain to you how I do it. I was given this gift." Shadow Magic. Darkness is a start ... Maybe one day you'll be nice * laughs * Kayn did not believe him. Sympathetic in another life maybe. No matter how nice the chat with the idiot, his stomach began to speak. With all the talk about house arrest, he did not even think about how he would be fed. Eating, drinking, laundry and etc. Who should take care of it if Kayn was not allowed to leave the room?

A glance at the clock told him it was mealtime. All his comrades dined with their master and Kayn crouched 'alone', half-starved and still a little bit desperate. He knew that Rhaast certainly was not eating cherries well. If they squat too long, they are sure to rip each other's heads. Still, but how long will it take for Rhaast to yearn for blood again?

Half an hour later, unexpectedly there was a knock at his door. "Come in!" Kayn called to the unknown visitor. Carefully, someone peered in his room as if he were entering a cave inhabited by a monster. When the air seemed pure to his visitor, he dared to come in. Kayn recognized Han as the man. One of the people Kayn did not like. To his surprise, Han brought him food and a container of water. He placed both at the door and paid no attention to Kayn. "Master Zed demands to know what you did to the corpse."

"On the southwestern coast is a farm. Ask the farmer, he will show you the grave." Han snorted contemptuously. "The noble knight has buried his brother on home soil. How come monsters develop compassion?" Do you really allow him to talk to you that way? He really could not use Rhaast in this situation, but apparently, only Kayn could hear him. He could not stand Han's ass either, but he was not allowed to look like he was under control. "Thanks, Han, for bringing me the food. I wish you a good night." Kayn tried to counteract him with a fake smile. Han was silent and left the room. He seemed visibly confused. No wonder.

Kayn got up and got his food. The portion was definitely too puny, but at least he got food. While he ate, Rhaast was silent. After that, he poked holes at him with questions that were only based on not killing the guy earlier. Rhaast was generally just about killing. But Kayn did not feel like it. He just mucked it into the night until Kayn's collar exploded. "Hey, Rhaast. How about a deal? Each person may order the other to shut up for 3 hours a day. How about? So I think that's fair." Do I annoy you? " In fact you do. I'm mad at you and you're still chopping on me. If you think it's just one-way, you're wrong. I can get on your nerves much more than you do me."

Always remember. In the end, it was your hands that killed your brother. Not mine. You were weak. You are weak. You are a disappointment for your master. For the person, you worship and love. How are you feeling? Rhaast pulled a sneaky grimace with his eye alone. His words hurt. He was right. Kayn was weak. His punishment was actually still too mild. He had even had some fun with the quarrels in the last few hours. Somehow he had a desire to punish himself. Not by penance, but something should remind him of his mistakes.

After much deliberation, Kayn finally fell for something. He pulled an exercise mat out of his closet and laid it out beside his bed. He threw down another pillow and two blankets. He did not deserve a four-poster bed. A hard mat will remind him of his mistake. But that was not it. Kayn opened his braid and decided to sleep with his hair open. That will be punishment enough for him. Pretty. Are you a girl or why are you wearing long hair? "I do not know. I was an orphan before I met Master Zed. A hairdresser's visit was not in it. They were just longer and I realized that I look really good with them. So I left it that way."

Kayn reached for the scythe and threw it on the mat. He also was not allowed to stay in the cuddly bed. Worse. He will torture Rhaast overnight. He wrapped his grip in one of the blankets. What will you do, Kayn? Are you kidding me? "No. Incidentally, I am a full-time sadist. And I think such a soft wrapping is incredibly good for you." Kayn blew out the candles before he sat down to Rhaast on the mat. He took one part of the grip between his legs and the other part around his arms as if he was cuddling with a human. Only that it was a weapon in a rolled blanket. Well played. Rhaast answered until they finally fell asleep.

Rhaast Pov

What's wrong with this boy? How dare he use a Darkin weapon to cuddle so much? Who was he for? Such a disgrace would not let Rhaast sit on with impunity. Kayn should suffer. And he already knew how. Since the band insisted on cuddling with Rhaast, he made it incredibly easy to look in his head. In their sleep, humans offered the largest attack surface anyway. Just like Kayn. Rhaast snuck into his mind. His dreams were about his master. The child apparently really loved him. What if he hears that his beloved Master really hates his student? Rhaast slipped Kayn's dream into the role of his master and showed him something. You're a no good Kayn. And you want to be better than me? You want my love? Not in a million years ...

Rhaast's trick worked, and he saw Kayn's eyebrows wince in agony. He squirmed a little in bed and groaned 'Master'. Oh yes, Rhaast will be his new master, not the jerk behind the mask. Rhaast tortured Kayn with nightmares all night. As a reward, he saw light beads of sweat forming on Kayn's forehead. He had him right where he wanted it. Plagued by his nightmares, Kayn rolled back and forth, breaking the link with Rhaast. So the fun was eaten for Rhaast. Still, he had his fun and Kayn got what he deserved.

Zed Pov

Zed did not get a wink all night. Far too much took him the events of the day. What had he thought as he sent Kayn on this mission? In the end, he was guilty of all the misfortune. With a Darkin weapon was not to joke. He should have known better that Kayn was taking this weapon. His mind was not equal to that of a Darkin. And now he had to carry through Zed's recklessness, the consequence. Unfortunately, Zed did not think that he was actually punishing himself.

Only at dinner did he actually realize how hard he himself will suffer. His men stared in confusion at the empty seats of Kayn and Nakuri. Nobody dared even say a word. Kayn left a huge hole at the dinner table. Of course, everyone wondered what had happened and Zed owed them all an answer. He straightened and turned to all his men. "Everyone is listening. Unfortunately, I have something important to announce to you. We had to take heavy losses today. Our friend and brother Nakuri has fallen ... " His students were stunned. The otherwise shy Haru was the only one who dared to ask who was responsible. Understandably he reacted that way. After all, they have worked very closely with each other in recent years. It broke Zed's heart that he had to tell the truth.

"His killer is Kayn ..." Even greater horror spread. There was whispering, even the act denied. Nobody wanted to accept that. Kayn was their role model. It was quite unbelievable that a man who did everything for the Order would commit such an act. "To understand that, I have to say that Kayn was not himself. I sent him on a mission with Nakuri to bring a Darkin weapon under his power. Unfortunately, the weapon's will was stronger, so he took over Kayn's body and killed his brother. And here we come to the important part of the meeting. Kayn has decided, despite the incident, to keep the weapon. Because of this, he will stay in his room for weeks now. There are always 2 guards in front of his room and 2 in front of my room. Safe is safe. One will always volunteer to bring him something after the meal. It is best for all if you avoid all contact with him. He is dangerous and unpredictable right now. "

"With all due respect, Master, but I do not think it's such a good idea to just let Kayn live among us. He can escape with ease. How do we know he really stays in his room? I would not do it in his place." Asked him Fuko, a student of the weaker sort. "Because he's still Kayn. He is Loyal to me until no more. Even under the control of the Darkin, he followed my command and dropped the weapon. We have no choice but to trust him. Even I can not take it with the Darkin. So make sure Kayn does not get mad or angry. Otherwise, we can all say goodbye to life." Zed's speech was hard. No one dared to speak for the rest of the dinner. Han was also the only one brave enough to bring Kayn food and drink. He also gave him the job to ask where Nakuri's body is.

Zed scrambled to his room and greeted his guards. He, too, was afraid of Kayn. He was afraid that the story would repeat itself. When Zed came to new power, he killed his master. Why should Kayn not do the same? Very easily. Kayn loved his master, unlike Zed. Yet he could not trust him. He could not trust the weapon. Zed lay down in his bed, took off his mask and pulled the curtains from his four-poster bed. It was strange to know that Kayn would not be with him for a long time. It just hurt when he confessed his love because it was just a moment when he was not allowed to reciprocate his feelings. Kayn was right. His love for him was not like Zeds. Still, he loved him. Like his own flesh and blood. Why did he do something stupid like that? Everything could have been different.

A few minutes later there was a knock on his door. "Come in." Zed heard someone enter his room and stop at the door. "Master Zed, I came to give you the information you wanted." He recognized Han by his voice. "Spit out.", Zed asked him a little rude. "Kayn confirmed the location of Nakuri's body. He buried him on a farm on the southwestern coast." "Here in Ionia? After all, he kept a spark of his conscience." "I also said something in the direction. He then thanked me for the food and wished me a good night." That sounded like Kayn rather than the monster of noon today. "Good, then I wish you good night, too." "Thank you, Master." Han left the room and released Zed into his sleepless night.

[sapphic-apple-juice]

America’s Bucket List

Main Pairing: America/Russia

Side Pairing: England/France

Rating: T

Word Count: 11,201

Warnings: some angst, some fluff, Major Character Death (??? Sorta. Maybe it should be mentions of major character death...), some mature language

Summary:  Alfred recruits Russia to help him do a list of ten things.

Notes: I posted this on ao3 awhile ago then completely forgot to post it here, whoops. Also, I know that the flight times are really messed up but for the sake of plot just imagine a plane that goes really really fast and almost never needs to stop for fuel.

Alfred rocked back on his heels and shoved his hands in his pockets, looking over his shoulder almost nervously as he waited for the man to open the door. He puffed out a breath of air and watched as it left his mouth almost looking like smoke, like he used to do when he was a kid. Sometimes Alfred would pretend he was a dragon breathing fire when he did that, and other times he would pretend he was smoking. Now he was just cold.

He knew that the other man was home, but seeing as it was two in the morning he might be asleep. Alfred briefly considered just breaking in like he did back during the Cold War, but decided against it. He wanted Russia’s help, not to have the other man hate him more than he did.

It took three more knocks but the door finally opened and for a moment sapphire clashed with sleepy amethyst. Alfred smirked slightly, allowing his eyes to wander the man’s cute tousled hair, “Oh sorry, did I wake you up?” He teased. Russia frowned and closed the door.

Alfred whined and banged his fist on the door, “Vanya, come on! Open the door, I’m fucking cold.” He didn’t really think Russia would reopen and so he turned around to leave. He wondered briefly who he could go to. England, France, and Canada all closed the door when they saw him too, and didn’t reopen it. Maybe Japan… but Japan kinda hates him right now.

...Everyone does.

The door reopened and Russia called, “What do you want, Amerika?” His accent thickened in the early morning. Alfred grinned and whirled around. He bounded up the steps and shoved past the owner of the house to let himself in. He maneuvered the large home until he found the fireplace and went to stand in front of it.

As he warmed himself he babbled, “You know, you don’t need to call me America anymore. I mean, the states have disbanded so I’m not a country. Besides, on my last day being alive couldn’t you at least attempt to be informal with me? I mean, I think you and I have been through enough shit in the past for you to call me by my name.”

Russia interrupted, “If I call you Alfred, will you stop joking around and get to the point?”

Alfred laughed loudly and turned around, “Sure thing big guy!” He paused and let his gaze roam the interior of the sitting room. It looked clean and cozy. The beige couch near the back wall looked comfortable enough for him to take a nap on. He probably would if he had the time.

He snapped his gaze to his host and took a moment to stare at his once-friend, once-rival, now… something else. Russia had dressed down for bed and was wearing, instead of his normal long coat and formal clothing, sweatpants, a tank top, and his long white scarf. If Alfred remembered correctly, even when they were close during imperial times he had worn that thing to bed. He once remembered when he asked Russia if he were afraid he would choke during the night, and Russia laughed softly and ruffled his hair. He had told him that no, he was not afraid of choking nor was he afraid the he would ruin the scarf. He didn’t explain, and Alfred didn’t have the attention-span to ask him to.

Alfred sobered slightly, he almost wished he had, “Okay buddy, here’s why I’m here. I’m going to die today.” Russia looked taken aback. He opened his mouth to say something, closed it, then opened it again. No words came out. America continued, “Like I said, my states have disbanded. They’re all their own separate countries now. I only have until midnight tonight until I join Rome in wherever he went.”

“Are you sure?” Ivan gazed at him in disbelief, “I mean, Prussia disbanded but he’s still hanging around…”

Alfred laughed, not nearly as boldly as he had before, “Yeah, I still don’t know why that is. There are a number of theories, but that doesn’t matter right now.” He held out his hand, “Give me your hand.” Russia pursed his lips but followed direction. Alfred pulled Russia towards him just enough to put Russia’s hand over his heart. Russia’s disbelief faded into acceptance at what he felt. Or rather, what he didn’t feel, “My heart’s no longer beating.” Alfred didn’t need to tell him, but he did anyway.

Russia nodded and took his hand away. He didn’t meet Alfred’s gaze as he asked, “So what’s your plan? Do you really want to spend your last day alive with me?”

Alfred smiled, “There’s no one I would rather be with.” Russia’s gaze met his own and he arched an eyebrow, not at all believing the sunny blond. Alfred amended, “Actually, I tried my family before coming here, but they didn’t reopen the door. Iggy told me to come back when it wasn’t one in the fucking morning.”

“Did you tell them why you were there?” Russia tried.

Alfred shook his head, “No, you’re the only one who knows. I mean, sure they all know the status of my states, but they don’t know that I’m gonna disappear after today is done.” He brightened up, “We’re wasting time!” He told the other cheerfully, “What do you say big guy? Are you up for one last adventure?”

Russia gave a rare non-creepy smile, “Sure. I have time to indulge one last childish fantasy of yours.”

Alfred laughed and scratched the back of his head sheepishly, “Actually it’s ten last childish fantasies.” He fished around in his jacket pocket for a moment and pulled out a crinkled piece of paper. He opened it and scanned through the contents before turning to the nation, “I wrote out a bucket list of things I need to accomplish before I die. They’re the people who I feel I need to say goodbye to, without them knowing it’s me saying goodbye.”

Russia’s eyes sparkled with amusement, “Alright, that sounds fun. Who’s first?”  

“Your sisters.” Russia’s smile dropped and Alfred hurriedly added, “It’s nothing bad or perverted or anything like that!”

After what felt like forever the older nation nodded, “I will go change, you should call my personal airplane.” Nations get their own method of flying when they need to visit the other countries quickly. Alfred used to have a helicopter. With Russia’s personal vehicle they would be able cross the world very quickly.

Alfred picked up the phone and called the number he had once memorized. The pilot didn’t seem surprised to hear him on the other line. They had grown used to the other nations demanding to use each other’s personal vehicles.

When Russia returned he had put on his normal attire. They heard the sound of the airplane landing outside and Russia looked at him, “Are you ready to go?”

For the first time since Alfred made this plan he actually felt almost nervous, “Yeah I’m ready.” He lied, “We need to go to Belarus first.”

Russia shuddered but complied, leading the way outside to the plane. Alfred turned around before entering, allowing himself one last look at the home that he'd spent a lot of his time trying to break into. Not out of malicious intent, he just liked to bug Russia.

The flight to Belarus's place lasted half an hour. Alfred took this time to talk to Russia. He didn't talk about any topic in particular, he just enjoyed talking to someone who actually listened to him. Russia didn't turn to read a book or look outside or at his phone. His attention remained on Alfred the entire time. He only interrupted when Alfred got on a different train of thought.

When they arrived at her home neither were surprised to see her awake and waiting for them. She ignored Alfred completely and went to latch onto her brother, "I missed you." She didn't sound like she missed him in the way that she, as his sister, should have.

Russia looked at Alfred almost pleadingly and the American laughed, "Hey Nat, good to see ya too." She looked at him and frowned for a moment, before brightening up. Well, brightening up as much as possible for her. She walked away from her brother and stood in front of Alfred, looking him up and down, "You look terrible." She informed.

Alfred winked, "You're as lovely as ever."

She wasn't amused but she didn't try to stab him. She must be in a good mood, "What do you want? Why are you spending time with Big Brother?"

Alfred thought about how to broach the subject carefully, without setting her off or getting his request denied, "Actually, is Ukraine here?"

"She is." Belarus's eyes narrowed, "Why use her country name? She gave you permission to use her human one. You used my human one."

Alfred waved his hand, "Don't think too much on it." He dismissed, "Can you bring her out." Belarus didn't move, "Please?" He pouted and gave his best puppy dog eyes. The girl relented and disappeared inside her house. Alfred was pleased to see that she didn't hate him. Once upon a time she wasn't too fond of him, but when the Soviet Union collapsed she had come to live at Alfred's place for a little bit before returning to Russia's side. She was fun and all but she was exhausting.

When Belarus returned, she had her older sister following closely behind. Ukraine, like Belarus, first went to greet Russia. After all, he was the more important of the two guests now. Back when Alfred was a country and, he'll admit, kind of a dick sometimes, they always greeted him out of fear that he'd do or say something cruel. He didn't mean to, it just slipped out. Now he was back to how he was pre-world wars, so a little less dickish.

After Ukraine finished checking on Russia, i.e. is he feeling alright, has he been eating, has he been getting enough sleep, is his scarf irritating him at all, is anything at all uncomfortable etc. she turned to Alfred, "So what brings you so early in the morning?"

Alfred grinned, now seemed like the perfect time, "I need your help with accomplishing a major task that I once challenged myself to complete." Both sisters tilted their head curiously at the same time. Alfred found that adorable. He continued, "Belarus."

"What?" The girl snapped, answering to her name.

Alfred shook his head, "No, you're the task." All three Russians frowned and Alfred explained, "See, when I first met you, you terrified me. That's probably because you tried to stab me in the ribs with a knife."

"I'm not sorry." She told him, her expression blank.

Alfred laughed again, "I didn't think you would be. Anyway, I vowed to myself that one day, I would receive a sweet, genuine, not at all creepy or threatening hug from you."

It took a minute for the three of them to process this, "You want me to hug you." Belarus repeated.

Alfred nodded but put up a hand to stop her from walked over to him from where she was now latched onto her brother's arm, "Yes, but there's a catch to this hug. It needs to be affectionate, but not the type of affection where you grab my butt like last time."

"I'm not sorry about that either." She interjected once more.

Alfred grinned, "Neither am I. But I mean a hug that you would give to someone like Ukraine."

After moment of mulling it over Belarus asked, "What do I get if I give you this?"

Alfred pursed his lips, "Well, I'm not really a country anymore. What would you want?"

"A kiss." Alfred blinked at her in disbelief and shock. Belarus added, "On the lips. Like you would give to Big Brother."

Both of the men protested that no, under no circumstances would Alfred ever give Russia a kiss. Ever. Alfred even laughed, "I would have to be on my deathbed."

Belarus didn't falter from her request, nor did she look convinced in the slightest, "Do we have a deal?" She held out a small, slender hand. Alfred mulled over the request for another second before agreeing.

Ukraine cheered, "Oh this is going to be so much fun!" She got an idea, "Wait! I want to record this!" She rushed into the house, returning moments later with a cellphone.

Belarus and Alfred both waited until she was ready. When she gave them the okay, Belarus left Russia's side completely and wrapped her arms around Alfred's waist, burying her face in his chest and inhaling deeply. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and rested his cheek on the top of her head, closing his eyes for just a moment before they both let go. He smiled, "Thanks."

Belarus frowned, "Now you need to kiss me." She reminded.

Alfred chuckled, and leaned forward, giving her just a peck on the lips. She accepted that as good enough.

When Ukraine finished recording Alfred walked over and gave her a hug as well before turning to leave, "Bye sisters." He called. Ukraine and Belarus waved.

When he and Russia were safely in the plane the older man turned to him, "No 'see ya'?" He checked. It was unusual for Alfred not use that old catchphrase of his. He once complained that he hated goodbyes.

Alfred shrugged, "I won't. That's my last time seeing them." He turned his gaze to look out the window, but both of the girls had already gone back inside, “This was my goodbye.”

Russia watched him for a moment, “I wish you’d told them. They would want to join you on this little adventure.”

“That’s why I didn’t tell them. That’s how I want them to remember me, as the happy Alfred with no care in that world, and with only slight sexual tension towards their brother.”

Russia frowned, “We don’t have any sexual tension.” He told him. Alfred rolled his eyes and Russia pressed, “I would not have sex with you.”

“ Sure buddy. Lithuania’s next.” Russia scowled but let the matter drop.

Lithuania was much less thrilled to see Russia than his sisters, and for the most part focused on Alfred, "Oh Mister America!" He greeted, letting him into his house, "What brings you here so early in the morning?"

Alfred didn't answer his question right away, instead asking, "Hey, what time is it?"

Lithuania didn't seem surprised that his question was ignored, and honestly he knew that Alfred didn't mean to do things like that, "It's three in the morning." Alfred nodded, and did the math in his head. It took them about thirty minutes to travel from Moscow to Minsk, and then about twenty minutes from Minsk to Vilnius. He should have enough time to visit everyone he wanted to if he was quick, but he also knew that the flight to Canada would take a couple of hours.

Alfred seemed to forget where he was and he jumped when Lithuania snapped in front of his face, "Mister America? Is there a reason you're here?"

Alfred once more ignored the question and walked further into the house to sit on Lithuania's couch, "Hey could you call me Alfred? I mean, it's great and all that you still respect me enough to use my official name, but that's not me anymore."

Lithuania seemed surprised by the request, "Certainly Mister... Alfred." Alfred puffed his cheeks out but let the title slide. If Lithuania wanted to remember him as something more than informal then Alfred wasn't going to fight it.

Alfred turned to look at Russia, "Hey big guy, could you go fetch me a drink?" He requested. Russia raised an eyebrow and Alfred grinned, "I'll give you a kiss too ." He offered.

"Nyet." Russia denied almost immediately, giving Alfred an idea.

"Okay, then I'll kiss you if you don't." Normally the threat would not work on him, but he understood Alfred enough to realize that he wanted a little bit of time alone with Lithuania. The brunette would not speak freely if Russia was lurking about.

Once he left Lithuania checked, "Too?"

Alfred waved his hand dismissively, "Belarus wanted me to give her one. Ukraine recorded it so I'm sure you'll see it."

Lithuania shoved his hands in his pockets, "Oh." He paused, "Was it nice?"

Alfred smirked at him knowingly, "It was an ordinary kiss with an ordinary girl." He answered, making sure not to give Lithuania the answer that he was looking for.

The man looked disappointed, "Oh well... good for you." They fell into silence before Lithuania asked, "Is that all you wanted?"

Alfred shook his head, "Actually I wanted to pay you for everything you've done. Although, not with money." He added on that last bit when Lithuania looked confused. The value of the dollar has not yet plummeted, but it would soon. After all, the states only separated last week.

Lithuania remained standing as he waited for Alfred to get to the point, but when the blond didn't speak up he spoke, "What is it you want to give me?"

Alfred grinned and reached inside his jacket pocket. He pulled out a key-chain with four separate keys on it, "Two of these are for my cars, one is for my motorcycle, and the third one is for my house." He tossed the key-chain to Lithuania, "Here ya go."

The man looked surprised, "You're just... giving me these? Where will you live?"

Alfred bit his tongue to prevent himself from saying that he won't, "I'm staying with Iggy." He lied. Lithuania bought it and marveled at his new belongings. The vehicles won't go down in value for quite some time, so if he grew low on money he knew he could sell it for a nice amount. And the house is great for spending time separated from Russia by an ocean.

Lithuania grinned, "Thank you very much Alfred." He had dropped the title, "What brought this on?"

Alfred smiled, "I guess I just felt like being nice. You know, tying up loose strings and all that." Russia chose that moment to reappear, handing Alfred a can of Pepsi that had already been opened, "Did you spit in this or take a sip?"

Russia nodded, "Yes." He answered, not elaborating on which one he did. Instead he pointed at the key-chain, "You're just going to give him that stuff?"

Alfred grinned, "Yeah. I'm not going to need it anymore."  

Russia wrinkled his nose, "I'm not giving you anything." He informed the Lithuanian.

The man sputtered out a response as Russia watched with an amused look in his eyes. His face remained passive but Alfred could tell that that was a joke.

He teased, "Are you gonna give me something?"

Russia frowned, "I already am. I'm giving you my time." Alfred frowned and looked down at the floor, "What more do you want?"

"...Your attention." He mumbled.

Russia sighed and turned to Lithuania, ignoring the cute American in favor of talking to the other nation, "My sister might enjoy visiting that house. You should invite her."

Lithuania laughed nervously, "Are you just telling me this because you want her to be as far away from you as possible?"

"Yes." Russia confirmed.

Alfred returned to his normal cheerful self and stood up from his spot on the couch. He crushed the now empty can in his hand, showing to the others that his strength had not yet diminished, and tossed it to Lithuania, "Yeah, you should take her there. Or you can take Poland. I don't judge." He winked, "I have some old romantic movies that you can put into the TV. Perfect for a date." He paused and  thought about it, "Although, if you're trying to date Belarus then maybe you'd best use the horror films that I have. She likes things paranormal."

Lithuania nodded, "Thank you again."

Alfred nodded and gave a thumbs up, "Yeah." He set his mouth into a straight line, not quite a frown, not quite a smile, before tilting the corners upwards, "Anyway, Russia and I need to keep going. Goodbye."

Lithuania nodded again and eyes the keys, no longer giving Alfred his full attention, "Bye Mister America."

As they left, Russia commented to Alfred, "That was probably the least selfish thing you've done so far."

Alfred laughed, "Today or in general?"

Russia hummed, "Yes."

Alfred laughed again, "Well, the next thing is also pretty selfless. You know how Francis and Iggy have their on-again off-again relationship?"

Russia shrugged, "I don't really care about them. Are we going to England or France?"

Alfred pouted but answered anyway, "England. I'm sure Francis is still there." At Russia's inquiring look Alfred continued, "They broke up but Francis is trying to get back together. When I knocked on Iggy's door this morning they both answered before slamming the door in my face." He shrugged, not at all phased, "I want to get them back together. When I go they should at least have each other."

Russia watched him a little sadly, "Your death is going to affect England." He commented.

Alfred smiled, "Arthur will get over it. He doesn't like me that much."

Russia raised an eyebrow but didn't argue with it. He knew that Alfred was very wrong in that assumption, but fighting him on it would only make the boy feel worse than he already did. Russia eyed him carefully, smiling and watching the ground race by beneath them. Surely he must be upset by the whole thing, right? No one dies with a smile on their face.

As Alfred laughed and pointed something out below Russia corrected himself, Alfred would be the type of person to smile up until his death, without a care in the world.

Instead, Russia brought up another thing that was on his mind, "So how do you plan on getting them back together?"

"I know Iggy well enough to know how to convince him that something like this is a good idea." Alfred grinned, turning to face Russia, "I've only had about two hundred years to study up."

They reached London at five in the morning, and Alfred hoped this was late enough. When he walked up to the large yet comfortable house he noticed that the lights were on and he heard arguing. They were both wide awake.

Alfred turned around the face Russia, but before he could say whatever it was he was going to, Russia put a hand up and stopped him, "I already said it once, but I'll say it again. I don't really care about England or France. I'll wait in the plane." Alfred gave a thumbs up and watched him go. He ignored the part of him that panged when he could no longer see him, wishing only to stay by his side until he was gone.

After all, he's loved Russia ever since he was a kid.

Mentally shaking his head he drummed his fist on the door. Francis was the one to open it, and he didn't look surprised or happy to see him there, "What do you want, Alfred?" Alfred smiled, happy that Francis used his human name.

Arthur shouted from inside, "Alfred, when I said come back later I meant longer than four hours."

When Francis turned to say something to Arthur, Alfred took advantage of the distraction and shoved his way inside, "I know, but I have other people I gotta see today. I just wanted to stop by and say hey."

Arthur didn't look amused, but he didn't kick him out which was also nice, "Yes, hi." He turned and stormed into the kitchen to angrily make Alfred a cup of tea, effectively leaving him alone with the Frenchman.

Alfred turned to look at his parent figure, "So, what happened this time?"

Francis sighed and sat down on the couch, "Angleterre is upset because I flirted with Austria."

Arthur shouted from in the kitchen, "And Hungary, both Italians, Seychelles, and the rest of the bloody world!"

Alfred waited until he was finished to call, "And me."

Arthur reappeared in the doorway and folded his arms across his chest, frowning at the American, "What?"

Alfred repeated, "Well, he also flirted with me." He looked at Francis, "I mean, even though you helped raise me and you only see me as your brother slash child thing." Francis shrugged, not looking the least bit apologetic. Alfred turned back to his closest friend, "So his flirting means absolutely nothing to anyone." He thought about it, "Actually the only time I've ever seen him mean something that he's said is when he talks to you."

Arthur walked farther into the room, "I suppose that's true." He allowed.

Alfred pressed on, "Seriously, any one of those people you listed could tell you exactly who he belongs to." Arthur nodded, his eyes staring absentmindedly at Francis. Alfred continued, "It's kinda ridiculous that you're fighting about it instead of doing what you used to do."

Arthur snapped his attention back to Alfred, "And what did I used to do?"

Alfred shrugged and let his gaze wander around the room as he spoke, showing that he wasn't really thinking about what he was saying. This way was best because it let Arthur know how obvious it was. It works nine out of ten times, although that number changes from ten out of ten times when it has to do with Francis, "You would take what was yours in a gross way that Mattie and I heard way too much of growing up. To, I dunno, show the whole world that they can look but not touch or something."

Arthur pursed his lips, "That's true." He agreed.

Alfred turned to face his brother but when he saw the look in his eyes he decided it was time to leave. He laughed, "Goodbye Arthur. Goodbye Francis." He called, turning around and walking out the door. He would have liked to give them each a hug, but determined that that would just give him away.

He hoped that they would stay together long enough to forget he ever existed and ruined their relationship in the first place.

As he got on the plan he found Russia looking down at his phone, not looking up when Alfred cleared his throat. Alfred rolled his eyes and went to the pilot, "Next is Germany." He informed.

When he returned to Russia he found the other watching him with an almost bored look, "I was watching a cute cat video that Liechtenstein sent everyone." He informed.

Alfred laughed and refused to think of the fact that she didn’t send him one, "I almost wish I had enough time to go visit her."

Russia nodded and Alfred sat down across from him, "So how did it go?"

"It worked."

The plane didn't take off yet and at Alfred’s confusion Russia pressed, "I really think you need to walk right in there, interrupt whatever it is they're doing, and give them both a hug."

Alfred laughed and shook his head, "No way dude. That would just seem weird to them."

" Alfred ." Russia's voice was stern, "We're not leaving here until you do. It's something that you need to do before you die. Tell them both that you love them and that you'll miss them. I don't care if they suspect something's up."

Alfred frowned but got out of the plane to follow direction. He was lucky to find them only kissing. They broke apart to frown at Alfred, "Didn't you leave?" Arthur snapped.

Alfred ignored the question and strode forward, pulling his oldest friend in for a hug. He whispered, "I'll miss you." Before letting him go. He repeated the process with Francis, who had actually returned the hug. Arthur still seemed to be in shock.

Alfred rubbed the back of his head as he once more said, "Bye guys. Love ya." And left quickly.

Arthur turned to look at Francis, "What was that?"

The Frenchman shrugged, "Alfred has always been a little strange."

Back on the plane Alfred was sitting down and this time they were finally taking off. Alfred didn't comment to Russia about how he was right, that Alfred did need to do that.

They arrived at Germany's house at 5:45 in the morning. They would have gotten there sooner but Alfred insisted they stop for pizza and drinks. The German was already awake and had begun his day, not looking surprised at all to see them there. Alfred was the first out of the plane and he rushed past Germany into the other man's house.

Germany is great and all and he would have his time to say goodbye, but first Alfred feels a very strong desire to use the bathroom and wake up Prussia. Not at the same time.

He finished emptying his bladder and walked to the basement where Prussia sleeps, and found the albino on the couch with an empty bottle of beer hanging from his hand. He flicked on the lights and just as Prussia began to wake up he tackled him, effectively waking him up the rest of the way. Prussia cackled, "Why are you like this?"

Alfred joined him in his laughter, "I wanted to wake you up. I need your help with something."

Prussia grinned and sat up, pushing Alfred off of him, "This better be good. I only got like an hour of sleep."

Alfred blinked at him in confusion, "It's like a quarter 'til six." He informed.

Prussia nodded, "I'm aware."

Alfred shook his head slightly and dropped the subject, deciding to just launch into his plan before Russia bothered Germany too much and got them kicked out, "I made a bucket list because I'm gonna die at midnight and I'm saying goodbye to everyone I love and I want to steal Germany's dogs."

Prussia blinked at him, processing this, "Okay." He paused, "You love West's dogs?"

"Sure." Alfred let a goofy grin spread across his face, "But more than that I want him to get mad at me one last time. And I always wondered what would happen if I took his babies."

Prussia nodded and returned the grin, standing up, "Let's do it." He began to lead the way out of the basement but stopped abruptly before climbing the stairs. Alfred didn't expect him to stop so he bumped into him.

Prussia turned around and wrapped his arms around Alfred, burying his face in the crook of Alfred's neck, "I'm gonna miss you kid."

Alfred blinked to fight back tears. This was the only real goodbye that he was going to be getting. He's glad it's from Prussia. He returned the hug just as tightly, "Yeah. I'm gonna miss you too." He gave a watery chuckle and cursed himself for failing, "You know, I still remember when you taught me how to fight."

Prussia huffed out a laugh, "You sucked." He commented, pulling back to look him in the eyes. Alfred felt a weird sense of pleasure at seeing tears forming in the albino's eyes as well, "But eventually you sucked less."

Alfred grinned, this one actually reaching his eyes, "That's all thanks to you."

Prussia pulled him in for one last hug before turning and climbing the steps, "Now let's go steal West's dogs."

Alfred laughed and let himself be led. He was glad that he spontaneously told Prussia what was going on. The first dog that they found was Aster. Prussia stopped and scratched the dog's ears. He turned to Alfred, "Alright, if you wanna make a larger impact, I would suggest only taking one. You'll get farther and it'll be easier for you to only carry one."

Alfred nodded, "So I should just pick up Aster and leave?"

Prussia nodded his confirmation, "Go get in the plane and I guarantee you'll give West a heart attack. It'll be funny." He paused, "Just don't actually, like, fly off."

Alfred gave a thumbs up and picked the dog up easily, once again thankful that his strength hadn't yet left. He turned and walked out of the door, right past Germany. Prussia followed and leaned against the doorway with his arms across his chest and a smirk on his face. He wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to watch this.

Dog in hand, Alfred walked past Russia and onto the plane, calling behind him, "Thanks for the dog Luddy!"

Behind him he heard Prussia cackle and he knew that the expression on Germany's face must be priceless. He turned and glanced back and had to fight to keep a straight face as Germany raced towards the plane to rescue his dog.

He put down Aster just long enough to close the door. He grabbed a slice of pizza and offered it to the dog, not looking up when the door was forced open, "America!" Germany shouted.

Alfred looked up, his face remaining passive, "Oh hey. I'm just feeding my new dog."

Germany didn't look amused in the slightest, snapping something in German that caused Aster to whine and exit the plane. This time Alfred let himself laugh, "Dude I'll trade you Russia for Aster." He tried.

Germany scowled and turned around to leave. Alfred followed, still holding the pizza slice. He followed Germany back to the house and felt Russia walking behind him. Germany snapped at Prussia, "You let him do this."

Prussia grinned, "I helped." Alfred laughed and handed him the slice of pizza, which Prussia ate quickly.

Germany sighed and looked like they all gave him a huge headache, "I'm going inside."

Alfred placed a hand on his shoulder, "Hey Germany, wait." The other turned to look at him expectantly, and Alfred struggled to figure out what he was going to say. He wanted to apologize for everything bad he's ever done to him, and thank him for everything that Germany has ever helped him with. He wanted to tell him that he'd always considered him a close friend and that he wished that he would come with him and stay by his side until he died. Instead he finished with, "Bye."

Germany nodded curtly, "Goodbye."

Prussia moved out of the way just enough for Germany to push past before reached back and closing it. He turned and stepped forward, giving Alfred another hug, "Do you want me to come with?" He checked, pulling back and searching his gaze.

Alfred shook his head, "Nah. Stick with your brother."

Prussia nodded and glanced wearily at Russia before a genuine smile stretched across his face, "See ya next time kid."

This time Alfred responded with, "See ya."

Russia walked Alfred back to the plane in silence. When they sat down he commented, "You told him." When Alfred nodded Russia commented, "I'm glad."

"Me too." He looked out the window and saw that Prussia had disappeared to go inside, "Next is Japan."

The flight to Tokyo was actually a little longer. Alfred fell asleep in the two hours that it took. He didn't mean to but he accidentally placed his head in Russia's lap as he slept. Russia looked at his phone and absentmindedly brushed a hand through Alfred's hair as the American slept, seeing no real reason why he should make him move.

When they arrived it was already light out and Alfred was mostly awake. Instead of just walking in he knocked on Japan's door and waited patiently. Japan was fast to answer it and didn't greet him with hostility, "America."

Alfred smiled, "Hey Kiku. Are ya busy?" Russia eyed him, noticing that this time Alfred was acting a bit more reserved. With the others, he would have just let himself into their home.

Japan shook his head and stepped back, "Not at all. Come in." Alfred grinned and thanked him.

Once inside he looked very awkward and out of place, as though he didn't know what he was going to do. He rocked back and forth on his heels and both Japan and Russia stared at him, waiting for him to do something. Eventually Alfred cleared his throat, "With the others I gave them something or stole their dog. I have an idea of what I want to give to you, but I'm not sure how to do it without it feeling insincere." He confessed.

Russia looked around for someplace to sit before deciding that the floor seemed perfectly comfortable. He was certain he was going to a bit of a show with this one. More of a show than last time. He wondered briefly if he would actually see Alfred get upset.

Japan seemed only mildly curious, "Any gift would feel sincere, just please do not take anything."

Alfred shook his head, muttering, "No, I'm sure I already took plenty from you."

Japan frowned, "What do you mean?"

Alfred sighed and brushed a hand through his hair, "Alright well, the gift I wanted to give you is your freedom."

At first Japan didn't understand, "My... freedom?"

Alfred nodded, "Yeah buddy. You're free to do whatever you want. I won't stop you. You wanna build a navy and take over the world, then have fun."

Russia spoke up, "I would stop you if you tried to do that."

Alfred ignored that, "I guess, this is sorta my way of apologizing to you. So feel free to have whatever government you want and close up your country again if that’s what'll make you happy. That's all I wanted to say."

Japan looked at a loss for words, "Why?"

Alfred looked at Russia as he answered, "I can't really say. I'm sorry about that, but you'll find out why tomorrow." He stepped forward, "I know you hate physical contact, but just... bear with me. This won't last long." He pulled the smaller man in for a hug and was surprised when Japan didn't push him away. He didn't return the hug either, but neither did England.

When Alfred stepped back he offered the man a slight smile, "Goodbye Kiku." He turned, grabbed Russia's hand to pull him up, and left, not giving the other a chance to tell him goodbye.

When they reached the plane and were safe from ears Russia commented, "That was quick."

Alfred sighed, for once not smiling around Russia, "I didn't wanna make that harder than it actually is." He paused and laughed, "But I think you'll enjoy the next one."

Russia looked at him curiously, "Where are we going next?"

"China."

Russia laughed, "You're right, I think I'm going to enjoy this."

On the way to Beijing the two men had an actual conversation, not one that Alfred was leading and Russia was keeping on track.

He told him everything that he wanted to do before he died and Russia commented, "If you die."

Alfred blinked at him, "Dude, you already felt my lack of heartbeat. I'm done for."

Russia tilted his head, "Not necessarily. I can go quite some time without a heartbeat. Perhaps it will start back up again and you'll live with Canada."

Alfred laughed at the thought, "Mattie would end up killing me or something. Pretty sure I'd be exiled and sent to live with Prussia." He thought about it, "Can you imagine just, me and Prussia working together, taking over a smaller country, and then forming a larger one of own. We'd outlive everyone."

Russia didn't look happy with that thought, "I'll have to convince Canada to just keep you." He muttered.

Alfred grinned, "You just don't want Prussia to come back as a country." He accused teasingly.

Russia shuddered, "You're absolutely right."

"You know," Alfred continued, "It was Prussia who taught me everything I know about fighting during my revolutionary war. I mean, France helped me win by fighting Britain, but Prussia was the one who came over with a general of his and personally fought."

Russia nodded, "I remember that. England was so upset that he approached me for help. I'm glad that I refused." He gave a soft smile, "I remember how you acted when you were just thirteen colonies. So young and cute."

Alfred puffed out his cheeks, "I wasn't cute! I was manly."

"You were adorable." Russia corrected, "If you hadn't just finished earning your independence I would have made you mine."

Alfred looked at him in shock, "You mean, like your colony."

Russia waved his hand, "No. I was not interested in being your father figure. I mean in a union that would bond our two nations in a different sort of way." He laughed at the memory, "If I remember correctly, I was quite smitten with you."

Alfred laughed with him, "Yeah. What's even funnier is if you had asked me at that time I would have said yes." Russia looked at him, his turn to act surprised. Alfred continued, "I had quite a large crush on you back then."

Russia shook his head slightly, "How much would have been different if we weren't too shy to talk freely."

Alfred shrugged, "I dunno. It would have either caused more heartbreak, or spared a lot."

They stopped speaking then, both reflecting on the actions of the past.

They reached China's place at ten in the morning.

China looked less than happy to see him. In hindsight, he maybe shouldn't have visited, he just couldn't resist. He persuaded Russia to film this one to show at his funeral as his proudest accomplishment and the thing literally the whole world has been nagging him to do. China stared at him expectantly as Alfred waited for Russia to tell him that the camera is rolling.

When he received the okay, he turned and addressed China, "As you may know, I'm dying. I'll be dead by tomorrow when everyone is watching this."

China furrowed his brow, "You're actually dying? I thought you were just going to end up like Prussia?"

Alfred shook his head, "Nope." He popped his lips at the 'p' sound, "My heart has already stopped beating and I'm saying goodbye to everyone I care about." He pulled out his wallet, "That's not what I'm here to talk about. I'm here because I have this fund set aside. I've had this since..." He did the math in his head, "Well since the fifties." He pulled out his checkbook and ripped out the first check there, handing it over, "I figured I should probably just pay you back."

China ripped the check out of his hand and scanned over it, "You have the money for this? You've had it and you haven't paid me back?"

Alfred giggled, "Yeah. I could've paid you back at any time."

Russia laughed silently, not at the situation, but at China's reaction. The much older nation looked shocked, angry, and dumbfounded all at once. He didn't look like he believed the check would come through with any real money, but Alfred had already shown Russia his bank statement. At first the Russian had the same dumbfounded confusion as China, but after it settled in that America could have paid off the debt at any time his confusion faded into humor. Sometimes he forgets that the ex-nation really is just a child that doesn't like being told what to do.

China looked at the check, at the nation that gave it to him, and finally at Russia, "You think this is funny ?"

"I think it's hilarious." Russia told him, making sure to keep all humor out of his voice. This caused Alfred to giggle harder.

China turned his attention back to the laughing American, he didn't say anything at first, only waited until he was finished. When Alfred straightened his spine and the giggles subsided China said simply, "I'm sure you don't believe me, but I'm going to miss you." Alfred blinked at him in shock, "I mean, not all of you. You're bratty and annoying and completely unreliable, but you were fun during the allied meetings."

Alfred didn't know how to handle the compliment, "Uh, thanks. I'm glad my existence wasn't a complete bother for you."

Russia added, "Only a slight bother."

Alfred laughed and played along, not entirely sure why they were suddenly playing a word game, “A minor inconvenience.” He turned towards his travelling companion.

As he did this Russia shut off the camera, "We should call Prussia and have him start planning your funeral. The sooner we can have it the better."

Alfred frowned, "Aren't you still banking on me surviving this thing?"

Russia nodded, "Yes, but it can't hurt to be prepared."

China watched this exchange with an almost disinterested look on his face, "I'll cover the funds for the funeral. I believe I have more than enough, and you did help me out that one time."

Alfred grinned, "Thanks China." He turned to walk out of the building, but paused in the doorway and said, "Bye."  

China waved him off and the younger man left towards the airplane, leaving the two old nations to chat in privacy. China was the first one to speak, "Why are you with him?"

Russia didn't actually know the answer to that, so he told him, "I have nothing better to do."

China didn't look convinced by that answer at all, "Liar." He accused, "You still have feelings for the kid." He looked past Russia to where Alfred had left, "It's going to suck when he's gone. Who are we going to make fun of now?"

Russia rolled his eyes, "I’m sure you'll find someone . I'll see you at the funeral." China nodded but didn't respond, opting instead to take the check and put it away until his boss came to visit.

On the airplane, Alfred was already sitting in the seat and bouncing his leg, more than ready to go to the next person. After giving the order to take them to Rome, Russia sat down next to him instead of across from him, "What are you going to do with the rest of your money?" He asked curiously.

Alfred answered fairly quickly, having already thought  this out, "I wanted to donate it to some starving Italians."

Russia mouthed the words 'starving Italians' and Alfred laughed, "Okay, well maybe Feli's feeling a bit peckish right now? When we get there it'll be about noon, so they should be ready for lunch."

Russia nodded, "Da. Aren't you concerned that we're not going to be able to make it to all of the places that you want to before your time is up?"

Alfred shook his head, "No, I think we'll have enough time. I did the math, twelve hours for a normal flight takes about three hours for our flight. So we'll have a few minutes to chat with the Italians before we leave to go to Mattie's place. That flight will take about five hours, putting us at five pm. I'll talk with him for a while before flying to Washington D.C, and that flight will take us about an hour, putting us at roughly six thirty pm."

"That gives you five and a half hours to do your final two things." Russia commented, "Is that enough time?"

"Yeah." Alfred nodded, "I'll have just enough time to do everything that I wanted to do." He offered a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "I think when I get to D.C. it'll be hardest for me, only because of who I'm saying goodbye to."

"Who are you saying goodbye to?"

"You'll see." Alfred turned his attention to the window and changed the subject to talk about much less serious topics.

North Italy was much more welcoming than South Italy, but at least South Italy didn't outright tell them to fuck off. Feliciano ran happily up to Alfred, who raised his arm and let the smaller nation use it as a swing. Lovino watched this with a bored expression.

Once North Italy had been completely entertained he let go of Alfred and asked, "Why are you here today? Isn't tomorrow your birthday?"

Alfred fought off the urge to tell him that tomorrow was actually his death day, and instead asked, "Really? What's today's date?"

It was Russia who answered, "Today is the third of July." Alfred's smile no longer reached his eyes, but only South Italy and Russia noticed its drop.

"Huh." Alfred changed the topic, preferring to talk about anything else, "So, because I'm not staying long wanna grab a bite to eat? My treat."

Both of the Italians readily agreed and they lead them to an American restaurant. Some of the stuff on the menu had Alfred laughing out loud, "We don't actually eat this stuff." He chortled.

North Italy looked confused, "You don't like bacon?"

Alfred shook his head, "No way, I love bacon. I also love chocolate. The two of  them should never be put into the same meal." He insisted.

Feliciano laughed and offered him one, "Here! It's pretty good for American food!"

Alfred held fast that no, he was not going to eat that. At least, he did until Russia leaned in until his lips brushed over the shell of Alfred's ear, and his breath ghosted over his cheek as he whispered, "Don't you want to try something new on your last day alive?"

Alfred shivered but took the bacon, taking a bite. He took another bite and determined that it wasn't all that terrible. He still wasn't going to eat more than six pieces.

As he ate he listened as the Italians bantered cheerfully, participating only when they brought the conversation to him. Russia stayed silent the entire time, not even joining them in their meal. He kept on eye on Alfred, and the other eye on the time. The lunch stretched on for half an hour. That's twenty minutes longer than Alfred had hoped. Still, Russia didn't stop it because Alfred seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself.

The brothers walked their two guests back to the plane, where Alfred abruptly turned around and pulled out his wallet, "Oh right, I almost forgot." He wrote two separate checks and handed them to the brothers, who watched in shock, "Thanks for being hospitable even though I just randomly showed up. I have no idea how long until the value of my dollar drops completely, but I think some of the old states are going to use it, so maybe it'll stick around for longer than we think."

South Italy was the first one to speak, "This... is a lot of money."

North Italy beamed at Alfred, "Grazie Alfred!"

Alfred laughed and gave North Italy a quick hug. He pulled back and gave South Italy a light punch on the shoulder. Russia turned and got on the plane so he could tell the pilot where they were going. While he was doing that Alfred gave a couple of instructions to the brothers, "Hey, at midnight, call Prussia and let him know that I said to tell you where I went. He should announce it to the world. China and Russia can both back up his claims."

South Italy frowned, "Why don't you just tell us now?"

North Italy spoke over him, "We'll call him!"

Alfred offered one last smile, "Goodbye guys." He turned and jogged up to the plane, entering without looking back.

North Italy called cheerfully, "Goodbye Alfred!"

When he sat down he didn't speak for a solid ten minutes, eventually saying, "I'm dying on my birthday."

Russia frowned at him, "That's a depressing thought."

Alfred laughed, "Man it sure is! Let's talk about something else."

Russia turned his attention to the window and watched the ground race by before turning to look back at him, "So you used to have a crush on me?"

Alfred winked, "Oh yeah, I had it bad."

Russia leaned back and grinned, "Really? Why?"

Alfred looked at him curiously, "Why?"

Russia nodded, "Why did you like me? What was it about me specifically? I don't think I was too different from Prussia in many respects."

Alfred made a face, "Oh no broski, I would never date Prussia." He paused before allowing, "Okay, so I would never be in a romantic relationship with Prussia, but maybe I'd allow like a one night stand or something? It's kind of weird though because he was my teacher and all..."

"But you were interested in being romantic with me?"

Alfred nodded, "Hell yeah. There was always something mysterious with you. You were that empire that wasn't my enemy, then you were an ally, and then you became my closest friend." His smiled warmly, "I liked how smart you were and how much stronger you were than me. I think my favorite feature of yours will always be your eyes."

Russia tilted his head curiously, "My eyes." He repeated.

Alfred nodded and leaned forward just slightly, "Yeah. Your eyes have always enchanted me." The two stared at each other in silence before Alfred seemed to snap out of a daze and he laughed, "Now it's your turn."

"My turn?" Russia wasn't sure he liked the sound of that.

Alfred nodded again, "Yeah, you said that you liked me too. What was it about me that you liked?"

Russia didn't need to think about it, "I liked your spirit."

Alfred frowned, "My spirit."

"You've always been much more free than the rest of us. Perhaps not in terms of country, but personally you were always willing to do what others were not. You were free to talk to anyone about anything and no one could stop you." Russia explained, "Even as your thirteen colonies you looked at France and spoke to him like he was your equal, not your superior. I fell in love with that spirit." He shrugged, "I learned to love your other qualities with time."

Alfred coughed and changed the subject to something a little less personal. He caught on to the fact that Russia had used the words 'with time.' He wondered if that meant that Russia still...

Instead of thinking on this and being embarrassed later he decided to talk about other things, little memories that he held with each of the other countries that they probably don't remember. There was a time when he made friends with a whale at Japan's house, and the time that he scared England using Russia (Russia remembered that one as well), or that time when he and Canada were playing baseball and he kept "accidentally" throwing the ball too hard. Each of these memories came with their fair share of laughter, but inside Alfred wished that he had the time to make new ones.

As they landed at Canada's place Alfred murmured, "You know, I don't think my biggest regrets are the things that I have done." He stood up and walked out without waiting for a response. Russia frowned and walked after him, knowing Alfred he'll finish that thought sometime later at an obscure time when they've already moved past it.

Surprisingly, Alfred saw his brother right away, not having the time to play the game "Who's Canada?". As Alfred jogged over to him, Canada looked at the airplane and squinted, "Are you just going to park that on my lawn?" He asked.

Alfred nodded, "I won't be staying long, I just wanted to chat for a couple of minutes."

Canada looked at Alfred, then the airplane, and finally at Russia, "Hi Russia." He greeted, "Why are you here?"

Alfred laughed and answered in Russia's place, "He's my date for my little adventure." Canada's eyes adopted an almost sad look. He's one of the only ones who know about Alfred’s long-time crush on Russia. The only other person being Tony, who Alfred had already said goodbye to.

The sad look went away and Canada let them into his home, guiding them to the kitchen where they all sat around the table. Canada grabbed a drink for Alfred and himself, but didn't know what Russia wanted to drink. Luckily, Russia wasn't thirsty.

When they were all settled down Alfred decided to talk, "So, I just have a couple of things I wanted to get off my chest before we go to my old capitol."

Canada nodded, "Alright, I'm listening."

Alfred seemed to have planned out what he was going to say to Canada, but instead of speaking quickly like he normally does when speaking to his brother he spoke slowly, as if emphasizing everything that he was saying, "Do you remember when we were kids, how I always demanded to be in the center of attention and you were fine with just being? I think when I first realized that, probably during my Revolutionary War, was when I first realized that you were better than me." Canada's eyes slowly widened and Alfred continued, "Everything good that I've accomplished, you did first. Sure I had more military might than you, but that was the only thing I held over you. If you ever got invaded for whatever reason, which is unlikely because everyone likes you, then I would have just stepped in anyway so you didn't even need that. Your economy was better than mine, your people were much happier than mine, you had free healthcare while I barely had healthcare after my forty-fifth president." Alfred laughed, "I only legalized gay marriage like seventeen years after you did and look who I'm in love with." His ironic laughter subsided and he shrugged, "So I guess my point is that you're probably the best country in the world and I've known this for years and never told you... sorry about that."

Alfred paused as he gathered up what he was going to say next, "The only other thing I want to say to you is that the only thing I have had that was better than everyone else, is my brother. I probably should have bragged about you more than I did, but I'm immensely proud of you and of everything you've done." He smiled, "You're going to continue doing amazing things."

He stood up to leave, "That's all I wanted to say. I have someplace I need to be now. Goodbye Mattie."

Canada called, "Wait! No 'see ya later'?"

Alfred turned around and grinned, "Nope! Not this time. Love you, kid." Without another word he left, with Russia following close behind.

They mounted the plane and Russia told the pilot where they wanted to go. When Russia sat across from Alfred the blond grinned at him and said, "Hey, what do bears do in the winter?"

Russia frowned, "They sleep."

Alfred giggled, "They hy-bear-nate."

Russia groaned, "I really hate your language. When you go, I am never speaking English again."

Alfred’s giggles turned into full blown laughter, "No wait! I have more puns to say before I die!" He couldn't get another one out because he was laughing too hard.

Russia gave him a dry look, "I'm glad that you think you're funny."

"I think I'm hilarious." Alfred confirmed, finally sobering up.

He turned his attention away from the conversation and outside the window when they crossed into his old territory, preferring to look at what he would never see again. What he had spent so much time trying to shape into something great, something that wouldn't fall. Over each of his old states, he told Russia a different story.

When they finally landed at the place that Alfred had specified to the pilot Alfred stood up and said, "This is the place where I've chosen to die. But first there's someone that I need to say goodbye to." He lingered in the doorway of the plane, "It's funny, this is the last time I'm going to be leaving this plane. I've done it so many times in the past, not really focusing on how there would be a last time."

As they walked across the large lawn to get to where Alfred wanted to be, he mused, "I wish that we had the time to fly over all of my old states. I have plenty of stories to share."

Russia realized where they were as soon as he'd read the name on the gravestone, "You're saying goodbye to George Washington?"

Alfred shrugged and shoved his hands in his pockets, "Not really. I might see him before I see any of you. I'm saying goodbye to myself." He smiled fondly, "You know, George didn't even want to be my president, but he was a pretty good one for what he had to work with."

Russia nodded his agreement, "He helped start a new nation with a new system of government that should have failed but didn't."

Alfred laughed, "I remember this time when I was younger, I was with Prussia and he was teaching me how to fight with a sword. It's a skill I only used once but when I had to use it I was glad that I knew how. Anyway, George found us and questioned what we were doing. When I told him, he told me that I should learn as much as I can from the nations around me. That the information would help me better than I thought it would."

Alfred stopped speaking then and, when it seemed like he wasn't going to say anything else, Russia asked, "Did you have a point to telling me this?"

Alfred shook his head, "Not really. Just a memory I guess." He sat down and didn't speak again until the sun fell, simply played with the grass. Russia sat on the other side of the grave and watched him.

Alfred's phone buzzed at exactly eleven-fifty, letting him know that he only had ten minutes  to live and that he should finish up. So, he stood up and smiled at Russia, "I had this thing set to tell me when I had ten minutes to live, and again at a minute after midnight, when you should give England a call and let him know that I died." He explained, "Now, one last person I need to say goodbye to."

Russia gave him a strange look as he stood up as well, "We don't have the time to go anywhere else."

Alfred waved his hand dismissively, "That's fine, because you're right here."

Russia looked at him in shock, "You want to say goodbye to me?"

Alfred nodded, "Of course. You're probably one of my oldest friends." He laughed, "That's not a jab at your age by the way."

Russia didn't look convinced, "Sure."

Alfred sobered up and pulled out his wallet, "I know I said that I gave the rest of my money to Italy, but I didn't really. I only gave about a third of it to them." He handed Russia a credit card and a debit card, "One of these is my personal bank account, and the other one is my national one. You already know the pin numbers to both."

"You're giving me the rest of you money." He didn't phrase it like a question, but Alfred answered anyway.

"Yep. You might need it for when Japan tries to take over the world. I mean, I don't think he's interested in that anymore but you can never be too careful with them."

Russia put the cards in his pocket and asked, "You've been smiling this whole time, are you really ready to die?"

Alfred shrugged, "I'm about as ready to die as Rome was."  He pulled out his phone and checked the time, "Alright, we have five minutes. What should we do to pass the time?"

Russia pulled out a flask of vodka from his coat, "We can drink?"

Alfred laughed, "Why not?" He took it out of his hand and took a large swig before giving it back, "I wanted to go sober, but I don't think a little would hurt."

Russia gave a small smile and didn't respond to that. He knew that there was a time for talking and a time for silence. Still something bothered him, "Alfred?" The man hummed, "You said that there were ten things you wanted to do before you died."

Alfred turned his gaze to the stars and said, "Yeah. I'm glad that I got the chance to do them."

Russia shook his head, maintaining a steady gaze on the attractive American, "Did you? You went to my sisters and received a hug. That was one. You went to Lithuania and gave him some of your most valuable belongings. That's two." He held up fingers for each one that he said, "You went to England and got him and France back together. That's three. You went to Germany and stole his dog. That's four."

Alfred laughed and looked at him, "I will maintain that that one was probably my favorite so far."

Russia ignored him and continued counting them off, "You went to Japan and gave him his freedom. That's five. You went to China and paid him back. That's six. You went to Italy and gave them a large chunk of your money. That's seven. You went to Canada and told him how you feel about him. That was eight. Then you came here and gave me the rest of your money. That was nine."

As he was counting them off he didn't notice Alfred slowly walking closer and closer until they stood just a couple feet apart. He didn't pay much attention to the suddenly close American, much more focused on his point, "You only had time to complete nine of the ten things."

Alfred smiled at him, "You know, for a country as smart as yourself you can miss a whole lot of details." Russia frowned and Alfred explained, "I told you in the plane that the things that I would regret the most aren't the things that I have done, but rather the things that I haven't. I don't want my biggest regret to be the thing that I'm about to do."

Russia slowly caught on, "You told me that stealing Germany's dog was your favorite of the things that you've done so far ."

Alfred nodded, "And now, at a minute till midnight, I'm going to do something that I've wanted to do since the nineteenth century. I can already tell you that this is going to be my favorite thing that I’ve ever done."

When Russia opened his mouth to ask him what it was that he was planning on doing, Alfred closed the gap between them in a much more passionate kiss than he had given his sister. He pulled away to whisper, " I love you ." Against his mouth, before once again kissing him. This time Russia responded, wrapping his arms around the Amerian and pulling him tight against him. He felt Alfred smile into the kiss.

The phone alarm went off and when Russia pulled away to tell him that he loved him too, Alfred was gone.

He felt a tear roll down his cheek, and as he wiped it away he realized that he wasn't the one who had been crying. Alfred didn't want to leave.

[kathydsalters31]

Trampled Trails and a Parade of Poop: The Unleashed Consequences of Hiking With Dogs

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Updated August 18, 2020 | For Dog People By Colleen Stinchcombe

Not a substitute for professional veterinary help.

Additional reporting by Gwendolyn Elliott

For many people, there’s nothing more delightful than a happy dog face bounding toward you on a hiking trail, free of worldly cares and the constraints of a leash. For dog lovers, watching a dog be a dog outside—sniffing around, exploring, enjoying quality time with the rest of their pack—is a welcome encounter.

But not everyone feels this way, especially on hiking trails. There are some very good reasons for this: some people are afraid of dogs and prefer to avoid them as much as they can; younger hikers and the differently abled are more prone to injury from overly excited, unleashed dogs; others simply want to enjoy a hike without having to maneuver around free-range pets at every turn on the trail.

Unleashed dogs, however, are surprisingly common on hiking trails across the nation, as is another common gripe: the proliferation of dog poop, in bags and unbagged piles, dotting the trail in significant quantities.

So, what does good trail pet etiquette (pet-iquette?) look like on trails? How can we all share the trail, and responsibly enjoy a hike with our pups? We spoke to pet owners for their take, and to the experts for their tips.

Leash Up: It’s a Courtesy (and Usually, the Rule)

Dogs are required to be on leash at state parks such as Wallace Falls State Park in Gold Bar, Washington. Photo by Gwendolyn Elliott.

On the majority of hiking trails across the nation, dogs, when they are allowed, are only permitted on leash. These regulations are usually posted near or at the beginning of a trailhead, and are generally highly visible. However, hikers often complain that dog owners aren’t complying.

Take dog owner Tanja H., for example, who was walking her 3-pound Chihuahua and 5-pound Min Pin on a neighborhood trail last summer near her home in Lake Tahoe, California. Her dogs were on a 6-foot leash, with another foot-long attachment allowing them to walk next to each other from the same handle strap. As dogs do, they stopped to smell the ground new every few steps, yanking one another from side to side. Suddenly, Tanja looked up to see a large Golden Retriever bounding toward her, tail wagging, eyes locked on her dogs.

Tanja remembers the dog was just being curious and friendly. But it was off-leash, and Tanja’s dogs weren’t as excited to make an introduction. She pulled the leash behind her to try to keep her dogs back, and with her other arm, began to try push the incoming dog away. By the time the owner, about 20 feet behind, caught up with his dog, Tanja’s arm was twisted and her shoulder dislocated as she was trying to wrangle the Golden away.

Tanja has a genetic disorder called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome that makes her connective tissues especially fragile and found herself nursing the injury for several weeks afterward—not the kind of outcome most folks would expect after a casual hike with the pups on a neighborhood trail.

Image by 2999607/Pixabay

Who Let the Dogs Out?

In 2019, in Rover’s home state of Washington, Washington State Parks issued 154 violations to pet owners, many of which included violations of off-leash rules (others included dog bite reports on trails, either dog to dog or dog to human).

This sounds about right to Meghan Young, founder of a 40,000-member Facebook group for women hikers in the northwest called PNW Outdoor Women (PNWOW). Occasionally, a member will post about hiking with their dog; it inevitably leads to a heated slew of responses. “It always amazes me how we can have so many calm conversations about [hiking] but when it comes to dogs, it’s like, nope.”

There are a few reasons people get defensive about hiking with their dogs, unleashed, or otherwise, Young says. One is that for so many people, pets feel like family. When their dog’s behavior comes under scrutiny, it can feel as though their parenting technique has, too. And, of course, no one likes being told what to do.

What’s more, it’s easy to understand why some owners let their dogs off leash on trails where it is prohibited. Dogs tend to pull and stop frequently, which is especially taxing when slogging uphill, and more like walking with a distracted toddler. Many pet parents also feel their pet is the exception to the rule, as a handful of commenters in this Reddit thread claim their dogs to be.

And, while the behavior may not be malicious, the person who started the Reddit thread, user estrellaj, seems to sum up the reasons many people let their dogs off leash on a hiking trail: “I love my dogs like crazy and I don’t want them falling off a cliff or eating poison mushrooms but I also want them to enjoy the hike, sniff around, investigate things, be a dog!”

Free-Roaming Dogs Restrict Access for Other Hikers

Image by Michael Pinter/Pixabay

For Denaya Shorter, a former wildlife biologist for the National Forest Service, Walker Fellow for the National Audubon Society, and author of this terrific article about hiking with dogs, off-leash dogs go beyond just being a nuisance.

Shorter, who is now the community engagement program director at the Ecology Center in Berkeley, California, works to introduce traditionally underrepresented communities in the outdoors to the joys of hiking and being outside.

“The experiences I often have in this work are with someone who has never hiked before, someone who is being introduced to hiking on trails and being introduced to these spaces for the very first time. And then, coming around the corner, there’s a dog running at them. You know, that creates a negative experience for that person, and if their first experience out on the trail is a negative one, we risk that person never wanting to come out again because of that.

“Even if your dog is the nicest, sweetest, friendliest dog in the world, for someone who is fearful of dogs or has had negative experiences with dogs, they don’t care about any of that. It’s not enjoyable or pleasant for them to walk around on a trail where they are expecting to be able to, you know, freely walk and explore, and then have a dog unexpectedly run up on them.”

Dogs Impact More Than People on Trails

Image by JacLou DL/Pixabay

Dogs, off-leash or otherwise, also have a measurable impact on wildlife and water quality. Lori Hennings is a senior natural resource scientist for the parks and nature department at Oregon Metro, which manages natural areas in the greater Portland area. As a wildlife biologist, she’s particularly interested in how dogs affect the green spaces that have been set aside in the city, like conservation areas and Portland’s crown jewel, Forest Park. She’s also a dog owner who loves hiking with her 97-pound Labrador.

It turns out there are few things you can do on a trail that are more disruptive to wildlife than bringing a dog. In 2016, Hennings conducted a literature review of 77 studies on dogs in recreation areas. One 2008 study published in the Natural Areas Journal found that deer doubled their distance from trails that allowed dogs (versus just humans), and also drove smaller animals like squirrels, rabbits, and prairie dogs away. A 2006 study published in Biological Conservation suggested that bobcats not only stay further away, but also shift their movements to nighttime in order to avoid dogs.

Compared to walkers, joggers, and mountain bikers, dogs were the single biggest factor that drove wild animals away from the trail, Hennings told me. The effects are worst with off-leash dogs. “Even I wouldn’t say keep dogs out of all natural areas, because I have a dog and I want to take him to natural areas,” she says. “But that does harm, and I recognize that.”

The Trail to the Top Is Paved With Poop

And then we need to talk about dog poop. Dog owners seem to have different methods of dealing with waste when they’re hiking. In the small, informal poll I conducted with friends, there was an even split in poop-management methods. One group of folks bagged the poop and then left it on the trail with the intention of picking it up and and putting it in the trash on the way back; another picked up the poop and carried it with them the whole hike.

Lauren G., who hikes in Arizona, says she bags her dog’s poop and leaves it on the side of the trail, but always picks it up on the way back, along with any other dog bags she sees—to pay it forward in case she misses one of her own. “It’s just easier than carrying it because I usually have a day pack and nowhere to put it,” she says.

Reddit user eatyourspinach put it more bluntly: “If a dog craps half a mile in, I’m not carrying a bag of s*** for 5.5 miles when I can just pick it up on my way back and carry it .5 miles.”

However, an anonymous Rover staffer admits that those bags can be hard to find on the way back. “I was once that person who hid a poop bag on the trail—out of sight, but where I thought I would be able to find it again—and then on my way back down, I paced for like 10 minutes where I was certain it was, but couldn’t find it.”

A few people had other methods of dealing with the doo: flicking the poop to the side, believing it would do no more harm than the rest of the animals pooping in the woods, or burying it. Of anything you could do, flicking it is probably the worst.

Image by Sandra Petersen/Pixabay

“It doesn’t take much dog poo getting into the water to really pollute it,” Hennings says. E. coli is particularly harmful for human health and dogs can be carriers. In fact, 13% of the non-pathogenic E. coli found in the Tualatin Basin in Oregon was DNA-linked back to dog waste according to Clean Water Services. A similar percentage (14%) was blamed on dogs in Idaho’s Lower Boise River, and 11% was linked to dogs near Puyallup, WA. Many additional municipalities such as L.A., Chicago, and Seattle have long struggled with keeping dog poo out of the water supply.

Dog waste also has nutrients that can promote algae blooms and reduce oxygen for the creatures living in the water, Hennings adds. And before you think that flicking when there’s not a water source nearby is less harmful, think again. “Everything gets into the stream eventually,” she says.

On a two-week backpacking trip where carrying your dog’s waste is unfeasible, Hennings says burying it six to eight inches underground, and away from any noticeable water source, is OK. But any trip shorter than that, the poop should be carried out. Imagine if every dog owner stopped to dig a six-by-six inch hole (the appropriate size according to Leave No Trace) for every dog poop—there would be more cat holes than trail-side trees.

Some of my hiking friends mentioned cleaning up any bags they saw on the way out, as a way of paying it forward in case they missed one of their dog’s own bags. But if you forget to clean up a bag and another benevolent hiker doesn’t grab it, you’re essentially back in a worst-case scenario—eventually, something will chew through or tear the bag, giving the poop direct access to the ground to spread possible disease. You’ve also added plastic to the mix. (Don’t pat yourself on the back for biodegradable dog bags, either, since many of them don’t break down quickly, or at all.)

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The Top 3 Things to Do to When Hiking With Dogs

Hennings said if she could implore people to follow a few simple rules, it would be these. And they’re going to look familiar—they’re the rules most trails require of dog owners.

1. Keep your dog on leash: This helps to minimize the disruption to wild animals and gives you control over your dog in the presence of other hikers.

2. Keep your dog on trail: Like humans, dogs going off-trail can damage local flora and cause erosion, Hennings says.

3. Bag your dog’s waste and put it in the trash: The most respectful and ecologically sound method is to bag dog poop immediately and carry it with you. While that might sound less than desirable, a smell-resistant container like an old Pringles can, or letting your dog carry it out in her own backpack, can make things a lot more pleasant. You can also get a specially designed, odor-concealing bag or pouch that will pack out your load securely and responsibly. (We love Ruffwear’s ingenious pack-out bag.)

In Other Words: Follow the Rules

“I would reiterate to dog owners, as much as possible, to just do the research on where they’re taking their dogs, because someone has already done all of the work and has determined what’s best for the dog and for the environment that you’re going to hike in,” Shorter says.

“For those dog owners who do want their dogs to be able to experience the outdoors off-leash, there are plenty of places where that is allowed, and that is permitted. And it’s just locating the places and following those guidelines!”

Happy (Shared) Trails to You

In the end, it’s up to dog owners to do the right thing and make it routine for poop to be scooped and dogs to be leashed so that everyone who wants to enjoy our shared outdoor spaces can do so, peacefully and responsibly, together.

More Resources on Hiking With Dogs

It’s not just us—here’s what hiking and dog experts say about etiquette on trail.

REI: Hiking and Backpacking With Dogs

Washington Trail Association: Hiking With Dogs

American Kennel Club (AKC): Tips for Hiking With Your Dog

American Hiking: Hiking with Dogs

Adirondack Council: Tips for Leave No Trace Hiking With Dogs

More From Rover About Hiking With Dogs

Featured image by TeeFarm/Pixabay

Colleen Stinchcombe is a professional freelance writer in Seattle, WA. Her two rescue pups wish she were a professional ball-thrower.

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Trampled Trails and a Parade of Poop: The Unleashed Consequences of Hiking With Dogs

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Updated August 18, 2020 | For Dog People By Colleen Stinchcombe

Not a substitute for professional veterinary help.

Additional reporting by Gwendolyn Elliott

For many people, there’s nothing more delightful than a happy dog face bounding toward you on a hiking trail, free of worldly cares and the constraints of a leash. For dog lovers, watching a dog be a dog outside—sniffing around, exploring, enjoying quality time with the rest of their pack—is a welcome encounter.

But not everyone feels this way, especially on hiking trails. There are some very good reasons for this: some people are afraid of dogs and prefer to avoid them as much as they can; younger hikers and the differently abled are more prone to injury from overly excited, unleashed dogs; others simply want to enjoy a hike without having to maneuver around free-range pets at every turn on the trail.

Unleashed dogs, however, are surprisingly common on hiking trails across the nation, as is another common gripe: the proliferation of dog poop, in bags and unbagged piles, dotting the trail in significant quantities.

So, what does good trail pet etiquette (pet-iquette?) look like on trails? How can we all share the trail, and responsibly enjoy a hike with our pups? We spoke to pet owners for their take, and to the experts for their tips.

Leash Up: It’s a Courtesy (and Usually, the Rule)

Dogs are required to be on leash at state parks such as Wallace Falls State Park in Gold Bar, Washington. Photo by Gwendolyn Elliott.

On the majority of hiking trails across the nation, dogs, when they are allowed, are only permitted on leash. These regulations are usually posted near or at the beginning of a trailhead, and are generally highly visible. However, hikers often complain that dog owners aren’t complying.

Take dog owner Tanja H., for example, who was walking her 3-pound Chihuahua and 5-pound Min Pin on a neighborhood trail last summer near her home in Lake Tahoe, California. Her dogs were on a 6-foot leash, with another foot-long attachment allowing them to walk next to each other from the same handle strap. As dogs do, they stopped to smell the ground new every few steps, yanking one another from side to side. Suddenly, Tanja looked up to see a large Golden Retriever bounding toward her, tail wagging, eyes locked on her dogs.

Tanja remembers the dog was just being curious and friendly. But it was off-leash, and Tanja’s dogs weren’t as excited to make an introduction. She pulled the leash behind her to try to keep her dogs back, and with her other arm, began to try push the incoming dog away. By the time the owner, about 20 feet behind, caught up with his dog, Tanja’s arm was twisted and her shoulder dislocated as she was trying to wrangle the Golden away.

Tanja has a genetic disorder called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome that makes her connective tissues especially fragile and found herself nursing the injury for several weeks afterward—not the kind of outcome most folks would expect after a casual hike with the pups on a neighborhood trail.

Image by 2999607/Pixabay

Who Let the Dogs Out?

In 2019, in Rover’s home state of Washington, Washington State Parks issued 154 violations to pet owners, many of which included violations of off-leash rules (others included dog bite reports on trails, either dog to dog or dog to human).

This sounds about right to Meghan Young, founder of a 40,000-member Facebook group for women hikers in the northwest called PNW Outdoor Women (PNWOW). Occasionally, a member will post about hiking with their dog; it inevitably leads to a heated slew of responses. “It always amazes me how we can have so many calm conversations about [hiking] but when it comes to dogs, it’s like, nope.”

There are a few reasons people get defensive about hiking with their dogs, unleashed, or otherwise, Young says. One is that for so many people, pets feel like family. When their dog’s behavior comes under scrutiny, it can feel as though their parenting technique has, too. And, of course, no one likes being told what to do.

What’s more, it’s easy to understand why some owners let their dogs off leash on trails where it is prohibited. Dogs tend to pull and stop frequently, which is especially taxing when slogging uphill, and more like walking with a distracted toddler. Many pet parents also feel their pet is the exception to the rule, as a handful of commenters in this Reddit thread claim their dogs to be.

And, while the behavior may not be malicious, the person who started the Reddit thread, user estrellaj, seems to sum up the reasons many people let their dogs off leash on a hiking trail: “I love my dogs like crazy and I don’t want them falling off a cliff or eating poison mushrooms but I also want them to enjoy the hike, sniff around, investigate things, be a dog!”

Free-Roaming Dogs Restrict Access for Other Hikers

Image by Michael Pinter/Pixabay

For Denaya Shorter, a former wildlife biologist for the National Forest Service, Walker Fellow for the National Audubon Society, and author of this terrific article about hiking with dogs, off-leash dogs go beyond just being a nuisance.

Shorter, who is now the community engagement program director at the Ecology Center in Berkeley, California, works to introduce traditionally underrepresented communities in the outdoors to the joys of hiking and being outside.

“The experiences I often have in this work are with someone who has never hiked before, someone who is being introduced to hiking on trails and being introduced to these spaces for the very first time. And then, coming around the corner, there’s a dog running at them. You know, that creates a negative experience for that person, and if their first experience out on the trail is a negative one, we risk that person never wanting to come out again because of that.

“Even if your dog is the nicest, sweetest, friendliest dog in the world, for someone who is fearful of dogs or has had negative experiences with dogs, they don’t care about any of that. It’s not enjoyable or pleasant for them to walk around on a trail where they are expecting to be able to, you know, freely walk and explore, and then have a dog unexpectedly run up on them.”

Dogs Impact More Than People on Trails

Image by JacLou DL/Pixabay

Dogs, off-leash or otherwise, also have a measurable impact on wildlife and water quality. Lori Hennings is a senior natural resource scientist for the parks and nature department at Oregon Metro, which manages natural areas in the greater Portland area. As a wildlife biologist, she’s particularly interested in how dogs affect the green spaces that have been set aside in the city, like conservation areas and Portland’s crown jewel, Forest Park. She’s also a dog owner who loves hiking with her 97-pound Labrador.

It turns out there are few things you can do on a trail that are more disruptive to wildlife than bringing a dog. In 2016, Hennings conducted a literature review of 77 studies on dogs in recreation areas. One 2008 study published in the Natural Areas Journal found that deer doubled their distance from trails that allowed dogs (versus just humans), and also drove smaller animals like squirrels, rabbits, and prairie dogs away. A 2006 study published in Biological Conservation suggested that bobcats not only stay further away, but also shift their movements to nighttime in order to avoid dogs.

Compared to walkers, joggers, and mountain bikers, dogs were the single biggest factor that drove wild animals away from the trail, Hennings told me. The effects are worst with off-leash dogs. “Even I wouldn’t say keep dogs out of all natural areas, because I have a dog and I want to take him to natural areas,” she says. “But that does harm, and I recognize that.”

The Trail to the Top Is Paved With Poop

And then we need to talk about dog poop. Dog owners seem to have different methods of dealing with waste when they’re hiking. In the small, informal poll I conducted with friends, there was an even split in poop-management methods. One group of folks bagged the poop and then left it on the trail with the intention of picking it up and and putting it in the trash on the way back; another picked up the poop and carried it with them the whole hike.

Lauren G., who hikes in Arizona, says she bags her dog’s poop and leaves it on the side of the trail, but always picks it up on the way back, along with any other dog bags she sees—to pay it forward in case she misses one of her own. “It’s just easier than carrying it because I usually have a day pack and nowhere to put it,” she says.

Reddit user eatyourspinach put it more bluntly: “If a dog craps half a mile in, I’m not carrying a bag of s*** for 5.5 miles when I can just pick it up on my way back and carry it .5 miles.”

However, an anonymous Rover staffer admits that those bags can be hard to find on the way back. “I was once that person who hid a poop bag on the trail—out of sight, but where I thought I would be able to find it again—and then on my way back down, I paced for like 10 minutes where I was certain it was, but couldn’t find it.”

A few people had other methods of dealing with the doo: flicking the poop to the side, believing it would do no more harm than the rest of the animals pooping in the woods, or burying it. Of anything you could do, flicking it is probably the worst.

Image by Sandra Petersen/Pixabay

“It doesn’t take much dog poo getting into the water to really pollute it,” Hennings says. E. coli is particularly harmful for human health and dogs can be carriers. In fact, 13% of the non-pathogenic E. coli found in the Tualatin Basin in Oregon was DNA-linked back to dog waste according to Clean Water Services. A similar percentage (14%) was blamed on dogs in Idaho’s Lower Boise River, and 11% was linked to dogs near Puyallup, WA. Many additional municipalities such as L.A., Chicago, and Seattle have long struggled with keeping dog poo out of the water supply.

Dog waste also has nutrients that can promote algae blooms and reduce oxygen for the creatures living in the water, Hennings adds. And before you think that flicking when there’s not a water source nearby is less harmful, think again. “Everything gets into the stream eventually,” she says.

On a two-week backpacking trip where carrying your dog’s waste is unfeasible, Hennings says burying it six to eight inches underground, and away from any noticeable water source, is OK. But any trip shorter than that, the poop should be carried out. Imagine if every dog owner stopped to dig a six-by-six inch hole (the appropriate size according to Leave No Trace) for every dog poop—there would be more cat holes than trail-side trees.

Some of my hiking friends mentioned cleaning up any bags they saw on the way out, as a way of paying it forward in case they missed one of their dog’s own bags. But if you forget to clean up a bag and another benevolent hiker doesn’t grab it, you’re essentially back in a worst-case scenario—eventually, something will chew through or tear the bag, giving the poop direct access to the ground to spread possible disease. You’ve also added plastic to the mix. (Don’t pat yourself on the back for biodegradable dog bags, either, since many of them don’t break down quickly, or at all.)

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The Top 3 Things to Do to When Hiking With Dogs

Hennings said if she could implore people to follow a few simple rules, it would be these. And they’re going to look familiar—they’re the rules most trails require of dog owners.

1. Keep your dog on leash: This helps to minimize the disruption to wild animals and gives you control over your dog in the presence of other hikers.

2. Keep your dog on trail: Like humans, dogs going off-trail can damage local flora and cause erosion, Hennings says.

3. Bag your dog’s waste and put it in the trash: The most respectful and ecologically sound method is to bag dog poop immediately and carry it with you. While that might sound less than desirable, a smell-resistant container like an old Pringles can, or letting your dog carry it out in her own backpack, can make things a lot more pleasant. You can also get a specially designed, odor-concealing bag or pouch that will pack out your load securely and responsibly. (We love Ruffwear’s ingenious pack-out bag.)

In Other Words: Follow the Rules

“I would reiterate to dog owners, as much as possible, to just do the research on where they’re taking their dogs, because someone has already done all of the work and has determined what’s best for the dog and for the environment that you’re going to hike in,” Shorter says.

“For those dog owners who do want their dogs to be able to experience the outdoors off-leash, there are plenty of places where that is allowed, and that is permitted. And it’s just locating the places and following those guidelines!”

Happy (Shared) Trails to You

In the end, it’s up to dog owners to do the right thing and make it routine for poop to be scooped and dogs to be leashed so that everyone who wants to enjoy our shared outdoor spaces can do so, peacefully and responsibly, together.

More Resources on Hiking With Dogs

It’s not just us—here’s what hiking and dog experts say about etiquette on trail.

REI: Hiking and Backpacking With Dogs

Washington Trail Association: Hiking With Dogs

American Kennel Club (AKC): Tips for Hiking With Your Dog

American Hiking: Hiking with Dogs

Adirondack Council: Tips for Leave No Trace Hiking With Dogs

More From Rover About Hiking With Dogs

Featured image by TeeFarm/Pixabay

Colleen Stinchcombe is a professional freelance writer in Seattle, WA. Her two rescue pups wish she were a professional ball-thrower.

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from Lucky Dog Solutions http://www.luckydogsolutions.com/trampled-trails-and-a-parade-of-poop-the-unleashed-consequences-of-hiking-with-dogs/ from Lucky Dog Solutions https://luckydogsolutions.tumblr.com/post/626828302158594048

[cvvtx]

Do all the Halloween questions please!!!

Bat: If you could transform into any kind of animal, what animal would you be?Ironically, I think turning into a bat would be really cool but I always liked big cats, even as a kid. So maybe a black panther:)

Black Cat: Are you superstitious? If so, what are you superstitious about?I’m a very paranoid person lmao I’m pretty much superstitious about almost everything..I mean I can’t name all of them from the top of my head but one of them is splitting poles.

Broomstick: If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be?Everywhere. So far I’ve been to France, Spain, Peru, Italy, Dominican Rep., Pennsylvania, Maryland, Connecticut, Florida, Massachusetts, and next week I’m going to Greece:)

Candy Corn: What food disgusts you the most?Eggs

Cauldron: What is your favorite thing to cook?Chicken quesadillas!😋

Cobwebs: One place you would never want to get lost in in the dark?Central Park

Coffin: Are you claustrophobic?Hmm…can I say that I have tendencies? I feel like if it was severe then I would say yes.

Demon: What is your worst flaw?Holding grudges

Eerie: One thing that always creeps you out?When people stare at me lol

Fright: What is your biggest fear?My biggest fear is when I grow old and I having to tell my grandkids: “I’ve never done that when I was young..” I think that’s really scary

Ghost: If you could be reincarnated, would you come back as another human or an animal? If an animal, what kind?I would come back as

Gravestone: Ideal way you’d like to die?I would want to die in my sleep.

Haunted House: If you could be roommates with anyone of your choice, who would you pick?One of my best friends:)

Hocus Pocus: What is the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever heard?Hmm….I’ve heard so many lol but I had my dad tell me that the earth doesn’t rotate………….

Howel: Your favorite kind of dog?Damn, this is a hard one….I’d have to say a husky:)

Jack-o’-lantern: Do you have any scars? If so, how many?I do; I have 3 scars:)

Monster: What is your favorite scary movie to watch in the dark?Favourite scary movie is…I mean..I like gore movies like Saw or final destination. But if I were to choose it’d have to be Saw.

Mummy: Would you rather be buried or cremated when you die?Cremated

Potion: What is your favorite thing to drink? Alcoholic and non alcoholic?Alcoholic: Smirnoff iceNon-alcoholic: tea

Pumpkin: What is your favorite food around the holidays?PUMPKIN PIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

Scream: Easiest way to scare you?Probably if you show me a roach or something I’ll fucking run away lmao

Skeleton: Tell me one of your biggest secrets?I hate to say this but I’m envious with one of my best friends…it sucks tho..and it’s not that I want to be malicious towards her or anything cause I love her and I wouldn’t want to hurt her in any way:/…

Spooky: What was your last nightmare about?..uhhhhhh I know I had one the other night but I can’t remember:/..

Trick or Treat: Tell me about the greatest prank you’ve ever pulled?I have yet to do that lol

Vampire: Which one are you? Early bird or night owl?Night owl

Witch: If you could have the power to cast any kind of spell, what kind of spell would you cast?Hmmmm….this is a good question lol I guess to repel ppl who bother me or banish ppl that aren’t in my favour..

Zombie: What is one food you always overeat?Calamari. I swear imma die eating that lol

[mahlifern]

A Yolngu tale...

I sit in Brisbane airport, plugged back into the matrix. Facebook, email, sound system announcements, planes, trains, chain stores… we all know the deal.

A few days ago I sat by a fire, covered in Buffalo blood and dirt, chewing on its freshly cooked heart and ribs, seasoned with nothing but sand and coal. I was surrounded by a group of men and boys speaking in a tongue that has been used for at least 40, 000 years, wild nature, and the unbridled night sky. We were sharing the harvest of the day’s hunt; 2 Dethung (wild buffalo) shot expertly by my Wawa, my adopted brother, and butchered as a group. It was my first hunt, and the first time I had found myself wrist deep inside a warm and bloody animal’s body removing it’s insides. I consider myself a humane, conscientious and sensitive man. Yet the whole act of finding, killing, slaughtering and then providing and sharing wild meat had given me a deep sense of connective joy that brought me vividly alive. This was one of many powerful lessons in life learnt through a two week immersion into the ancient but evolving life and culture of the Men of Mapuru, Yolngu Land, NT. A set of experiences facilitated by a man I respect deeply, Sam Robertson of Nature Philosophy Australia, and shared with one other Balanda (whitey), Jonno, another gem of a human. I would like to share these with you if you have a little time and curiosity…

Now don’t get me wrong, the community is not living as they once would. When you drive in, any romantic notions of a people existing naked with the land and culture as it was before white colonisation are quickly dispelled. They live in simple, often dilapidated western housing, they wear western clothing, they eat flour, sugar and milk powder as a staple. They are increasingly speaking English and they all have phones. There is rubbish strewn around the land, packs of dogs and broken down vehicles. In fact, at first glance you might be forgiven for judging them as a people living in poverty, in need of some positive intervention. But such an approach would completely destroy the potential to scratch the surface and understand that beneath this superficial surface, is an ocean of beauty and wisdom that we have much, sooo much to learn from….

On our way out to the remote community in North East Arnhem Land, we were given strong advice from our leaders Sam and Kate (Kate leads the Women’s Weaving experience alongside the Men’s Business) to take things slowly. We were entering relatively untamed territory, the danger’s out there were very real. Accidents, infection, sickness, crocodiles, snakes… Kate was adamant: Let go of our western pace, breathe, watch the Yolngu people, move like they do, take your time and you will be fine.

Of course the moment we got into camp, in my excitement, I jumped of the roof of the car and hurt my right foot. Shit, I thought, you have gone and done it again Mahli! I hobbled around that night… but it turned out that it was merely a bruising… and a good warning…

Kate was right, the Yolngu do not run around trying to get everything done. In fact, the pace of the men could easily be considered ‘lazy’. But, as I discovered over time, there is usually a deeper sense of wisdom that directs their culture, a culture that has evolved organically within that place for many thousands of years. It is often our modern western mind, and it’s quick to judge attitude, that vales the genious of the Yolngu Way. The men move through the land (be it the spiky but lush bushlands, rich swampy mangroves or the stunning but sharp stoned coastal edges) only when necessary, and when they do, it is with an ease and fluidity that I could not come close to matching. In the heat of the day they rest. But when it is time to act, when moving food offers itself, the response is rapid, precise and effective. In this way they survive, avoiding injury, dehydration and unnecessary wastage of energy. Something that becomes increasingly valuable as you move away from the western world. At the same time I watch the young ones. They run, jump, swim, flip, twist, wrestle and play like energy is an in exhaustible resource. They are incredibly agile, and their strength defies their wiry frames and damper based diets. Inspired by their movements I tried myself to follow. But unfortunately I was not quite up to their standard, and an attempted flip off a tree into the nearby, potentially croc inhabited water hole ended with a bruised face, bruised ego, and even a public 'shaming’ telling me I was not to take part in such behaviour. I was more than a little embarrassed, and felt my sense of anger towards being told what to do by the elder men and women. But again, upon reflection it made sense. For their intent was first and foremost to protect me, both because they care deeply for the well-being of their guests and because an injured person is a liability to a community that exists much closer to the edges of survival.

It is a matter of listening to our elders. Something I believe I have lost, or at least find challenging. For their elders hold high regard. They are respected and honoured. Of course, in an often contradictory and difficult to interpret cultural model, they are also at times ignored. For all members, young and old, are given free will. And teenagers are teenagers. But more often than not their directions are given with a wisdom that commands respect. I would be lying if I said I found it easy, but it taught me to be a little more humble, and to pay more attention to my ears, rather than my mouth or egotistical sense of self.

As I did start to settle in. To slow myself, to pay more attention, to listen more carefully and with less western judgement, I found I began to dive much more deeply into their world. I was adopted and given a Yolgnu name Napalawal (or pigeon), a family, and a Malk or skin name which then meant I was intrinsically connected to every member of the community, and Yolngu people of the land. This kinship system is the foundation of their communal existence. Both with each other and the land. You refer to all members both by their Yolngu name and their relational name; Ngandi (mother), Ngapipi (mother’s brother), Waku (sisters children) etc… Each relation has a set of guidelines that help you negotiate interactions and to maintain a balance within the complex system. It also creates an understanding of which land you belong to, where you can hunt, the stories song and dances that belong to that land and your family or moiety.

As we spent our time making gara (spears), nyidaki (didgeridoos), joining morning literacy sessions at school and going on Men’s business to the beach or local hunting spots, I practiced language, Yolngu Matha. I listened to stories of the land, of Sacred Men’s Business, of the hopes and dreams of the elders and the young. With every new word or story came another piece of the puzzle. One that is vast and complex, deeply interconnected. And by valuing and showing an interest in their traditional ways, we were welcomed into their network lovingly. What’s more we were helping them take pride and put time into practising culture in ways that many of their neighbouring communities had lost.

Mapuru is a special community like that. They have resisted Western dominance. They have maintained language, kinship, ceremony and control over their land. Although their school is Christian, it is co-run by two amazingly dedicated Balanda John and Linda, who have invested their lives into working with community Elders and giving the community a sense of self-empowerment and determination. The Elders refuse to allow drugs and alcohol into their community. Their is no real violence, theft or maliciousness within their community. They are keeping it real.

Throughout the two weeks, the challenges continually presented themselves.The western way of thinking; expecting a please or thank you, the idea of mine, monitored systems of work, hygiene, rubbish disposal. The superiority complex. Resentment at the discomfort or lack of 'personal space’. It was a journey in patience and non-judgement. But it was worth every moment. It was an adventure outside and in. It helped me see what it means to be connected to a deeply earth-based community. I saw young men spontaneously create a bongul (or ceremony) in which they danced and sung ancient songs of their lands and its beings, one after another, with increasing ferver and joy as the sun settled in the west with another dazzling display of crimson hues. I had no idea what they were so excited about, but I knew that if we can come along and support the continuity of this incredibly rich culture, simply by valuing it and wanting to be part of it for a little while, then it was something of deep importance.

As we headed home, exhausted and probably a little to eager to reconnect with our own land and people, we slightly overshot a sweeping bend, went sideways and flipped the troopie. I saw death narrowly pass over our group in a slow motion video of red dust and terrified faces. In the aftermath, to find that our worst injury was a badly bruised arm and some internal bruising, I saw the powerful lessons I had learnt emerge. Life is fragile, but beautiful. It wants to be lived slowly in a deeply connected way. If we rush into the western world view not taking time to know ourselves, our land, our relationships, we might miss this beauty. It may not come with comfort and after dinner mints, but it certainly allows for some wild and wonderful adventures! And sometimes we need to step, open-hearted, into other worlds to fully appreciate and understand this amazing web we are part of!