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supercorp-hosie · 3 years ago

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Discussion: is Hosie more of a supportive relationship or a toxic one?

While we all agree that Hope and Josie can sometimes be shitty, disrespectful, and manipulative to each other, I think that they are mostly supportive to each other. There are some people that think the opposite and conclude that Hosie is toxic. While I don't have problem with people shipping toxic ships too, I genuinely think that Hosie is mostly healthy for each other. To get a hold whether Hosie is supportive or toxic, I make this list of all Hosie interactions/scenes up to 3x13, which can be categorised as supportive or shitty that I can remember along with some of my thoughts. If you don't agree with me or forgot something, feel free to remind me or discuss them!

Thank you for making me feel the need to make this list. @legacies-supremacy

Thank you for helping me with some of the points. @dreamerdiving

The definition of toxic relationship is: “any relationship [between people who] don’t support each other, where there’s conflict and one seeks to undermine the other, where there’s competition, where there’s disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness.”

I marked those interactions/scenes that is harmful to Hosie in red so we can see it easily.

1. Josie burn down Hope’s room, without apologising

2. Josie made up stories about Hope calling Lizzie witch bipolar

3. Hope and Josie do dark magic together (hope ask for help, kindred spirit in revenge)

4. Hope stand up to Lizzie for Josie, while Lizzie threw Josie under the bus

5. Hope protected Josie by not telling Emma Josie being the one using dark magic with Hope

6. The scene where they pick trash, they connected really fast. It’s shown that they can have good communications between them.

7. Josie pays her respects to Hayley in front of Hope. It means a lot to Hope because she values her family.

8. Hope encourage Josie to voice up, fight for the things she desires. Josie helps Hope on her poked-herself situation.

9. They fought the first monster ever IN THE SCHOOL together. (Hope calls Josie to help, and Josie immediately do so)

10. Fight the spider-like monster together along with Lizzie.

11. The necklace that Hope gave Josie, make quiet things heard.

12. Hope, MG, Penelope save Josie together. Hope is very anxious (maybe more anxious than Penelope seems?), the necklace worked.

13. AU where Hope doesn’t exist, Josie dies.

14. AU where both of them straight up flirting, Hope comes to bring the Saltzmans to the Mikaelsons Boarding School, giving the twins a place to use and improve their magic freely. And mostly like cleans up the mess of Lizzie’s outburst (no blaming here).

15. When Hope was on slug, Josie is the first to suspect that she’s on happy pill, which is very close to the fact. While Landon and RAF see that she’s very happy but don’t think much of it, because they were new to her (no blaming). Landon sees that she’s very happy, said something like, you’re happy for first time ever?

16. Hope tell Josie to let her know if Josie needs someone to “take care” of Penelope.

17. Talent show: hope looks very happy and cheers for Josie when she sings (overly happy maybe because of slug)

18. Josie lets Hope sleep on her shoulder.

19. Josie does not come clean when Hizzie is fighting each other on “Hope telling the school Lizzie is witch bipolar” and “burn her room down to interfere with Saltzmans road trip”.

20. Josie finally come clean about burning Hope’s room and made up stories that causes Hizzie's rivalry, but Hope only cares about the crush. It can be said that Hope is very forgiving for Josie. - *smiles* you had a crush on me? (I mean, girl, she burned down your room)

21. Mystic fall pageant: Josie worries about Hope feelings when Hope finds out about the dress was from Klaus

22. When Josie distances herself from Lizzie after knowing about the merge from Penelope, Lizzie asks Hope to help make the food Josie likes the most. So it’s canon that Hope can actually make Josie’s favourite food? The attempts Hope made to repair the twins relationship show that Hope care for both of the twins.

23. Josie doesn’t want to interact with Hope either.

(May have forgotten hosie scene)

24. Triad: super squad team up, they help each other to save the school, it seems like when Hope says she has more backup, Josie is the one looks like leading them in.

25. Hope caught a bullet for Josie while Josie caught one for Lizzie as Lizzie was trying to catch them for Josie too.

26. Josie encourages Hope for hero time rather than staying by her side.

27. Hope only realised that she caught a bullet for Josie when Alaric asked about the hole on her sleeves. That leads to her knowledge on her blood can save Josie as well as herself being the loophole for Malivore. She tells Alaric to give Josie vial of her blood. (According to some fans, Stefan said that blood sharing is very personal.)

28. Josie is very confident that Hope will make it back to them, and urges Kaleb to have faith in Hope.

29. When Hope jumps into Malivore, something came over Josie, she feels most of the impact (maybe because Landon is dead at the moment)

30. Hope didn’t want to return to school because she sees that both Landon and Josie are very happy. She wants them to be happy.

31. While Josie is being jealous and hostile to Hope, she feels that there’s something off about Hope in her, not only jealousy.

32. Oni episode: Josie continues to be hostile to Hope because of her jealousy.

33. Hope as a badass tribrid, miraculously does not beat or intimidate or threaten Josie because of her hostility, whereas when other people do it, there will probably be consequences.

34. Josie is the one to seek Freya for the dark magic to bring back everyone’s memories.

35. Josie hit Freya using the newly-learned dark magic. Freya said something like even that spell is very powerful for a Mikaelson witch, meaning that the spell can have some strong effects on her. When Josie is questioned whether she knows what to do with the magic, in panic she hit Freya with this magic and run. It means that whether or not Josie choose to bring those memories back herself, there will surely be someone to bring them back when Josie opted not to do it. Even so, it’s Josie that contributed to bringing back people’s memories of Hope, or else Freya can never do it for Hope if the circumstances required her to do so.

36. If Josie is to bring back everyone’s memories, she knows that she will be the one that will be left behind and will be the second choice. She’s the one that will be badly affected, but she knows that she needs to do it, and calls Caroline to encourage her to do the right thing. (Or else why call? What kind of parents will encourage their child to do otherwise.)

37. Josie brings back everyone’s memories of Hope and save Hope and Lizzie from the Croatian.

38. Hope cares about Josie’s feeling to ask whether Josie is okay with Hope staying in the school. She is willing to leave the school for Josie.

39. Despite knowing that seeing Hope hurts a lot, Josie tells Hope to stay, and assure Hope that she belongs with them. For Josie, NO MATTER how much it hurts, she WANTS Hope ENOUGH to let her STAY, as Hope belongs with them. It’s what Hope wants: people thinking she’s worth staying for. It means that NO MATTER THE CIRCUMSTANCES, she hope that there’s still someone that WANTS HER ENOUGH to STAY for her.

40. Along with the previous point, it’s important to know that Josie tells Hope to stay after SimuLandon told Hope that Landon can’t tell her to stay (the same day as Landon chose to leave the girls). It assures Hope a lot.

41. Landon being a dick(sorry) to breakup with Josie and then immediately restarts a relationship with Hope (disrespect of Jandon relationship, it’s like an opposite of what he said to Josie). Hope being a bitch(sorry) by immediately accept the restart of Handon, disregarding it’s a fresh breakup for Jandon and Josie.

42. Josie avoids Hope because it hurts to see Handon immediately lovey dovey.

43. Santa episode: Hope is the one that handles Krampus-affected Josie when she tells Lizzie to run. Either the Josie being near to Lizzie will affect Lizzie, or Hope just want some time with Josie? For the former part, Hope protecting Lizzie also contributes to supporting Josie.

44. Hope actively seeks out Josie and helps Josie with the mora miserium - placing a protective barrier on it.

45. They confide in each other when they put a protective barrier on the mora miserium. They reveal their dark sides and weaknesses. They support each other verbally. (Hope reveal her jealousy towards Jandon, Josie asked Hope why Clarke chooses her, Hope said that it’s because Josie is a strong and trusting person, etc.)

46. In the Qareem/Wade-is-fairy episode, when Landon died, Hope protects the mora miserium first and passes it to Josie before going to Landon. (It’s a logical thing to do tho, Landon’s death can’t be undo but Hope can prevent Josie from going dark)

47. Hope go to the twins for comfort after her fight with Landon.

48. First therapy box episode: Hope comforts Josie after they come out from it.

49. People in numbers(the Saltzmans including Josie) vs Landon: Hope chose to save people in numbers which includes Josie, instead of saving Landon. (Prison world incident)

50. When Hope astral project into the prison world, Josie is the only one that can communicate with Hope because of the dark magic. It helped to save people and Josie herself in the prison world.

51. People in numbers (the whole school) vs Josie: Hope refuses to kill Josie when basically everyone is ready to kill Josie to save the school(including Alaric). (Lizzie is running away? Understandable tho, her life is in danger) Hope shuts Alaric and Kaleb in the therapy box to prevent them from killing Josie.

52. Dark Josie with Hope in the ring: they weren’t really putting effort in fighting each other before both of them call each other out.

53. I don’t think she even likes you - what’s the point of saying that when it is commonly known between Hope and Josie? So it must mean the opposite(which is Josie likes Hope) and solely to hurt Hope.

54. Josie, fight! - Hope can bring out the true Josie in dark Josie.

55. Dark Josie is agitated when Hope can really bring true Josie out. Maybe it’s because of losing control. But my clownness suggests that can also be a thing that both true and dark Josie do not want to reveal at all - that Hope weighs heavily in Josie’s heart.

56. Dark Josie is ready to kill Hope after Hope brought the true Josie out for seconds.

57. Hope goes into Josie’s subconscious to save her.

58. The actually-consensual kiss: when the pig tell Hope to try kissing Sleeping Josie, Hope respects Josie’s boundaries. But Hope never says that she is against kissing Josie at all because she now does not see her that way at all. = Hope will totally kiss Josie if the circumstances are right with a consent.

59. In Josie’s mind, true Josie really doesn't want to hurt Hope and urge her to leave before it’s too late.

60. Hope encourages Josie to trust herself with her power, that she is good and strong.

61. Dark Josie petrified Hope in Josie’s subconscious.

62. Josie did heed Hope’s words, she believes that Hope is good and strong.

63. Josie defends Hope by calling Landon out on him leaving Hope twice, and he doesn’t actually believe in not giving up love no matter what.

64. After Hope and Landon comes out from Malivore and the prison world, and Landon turns into goo after the unsafe intercourse (probably not using condom considering the result, there must be sexually fluid exchanged), Hope goes directly to the principal office and explains the situation, Josie is first to believe in Hope and is willing to teach her the spell.

65. When Hope’s Therapy-Box Ethan tells Hope that sometimes the right person for her is right in front of her. I think that it’s Hope’s subconscious of him promoting himself initially. But really, Hethan interactions are so little for me to really believe that Hope’s subconscious of the right person is referring him for that. So when Josie turns up next....(I’m clowning, but it means that Hope subconscious thinks that Josie is the right person, talk about faith.)

66. Hope believes that Josie wants Hope to be safe: Hope’s Therapy-Box Josie ants Hope to come with her? It means that Hope knows that Josie will want Hope to be safe with her together. To relate it more to the problem about Hope thinks that Josie runs away from problem and Hope solves them, it also means that a part of Hope wants to not face all these problems too. So part of her is constructing this scene to provide her an option, with Josie.

67. Josie is the only one Hope attempted to save in the therapy box.

68. Josie doesn’t help Hope grieves after Landon turned into goo. (to which I resent the writer’s effort in sabotaging Hosie in the show starting season 3 to make sure they sit right in the “not queerbaiting“ section. It doesn’t make sense that Hosie doesn’t interact at all.)

69. 3x08: Josie wants to help in finding Landon. No matter the motives, she wants to help, and the final results benefit Hope and Landon, not Josie.

70. I don’t need to deal with both Saltzman twins right now - Hope disrespects both twins.

71. Hope gaslights Josie to go help her postponing her date with Finch.

72. Josie believes in Hope too much to fall for her lies when Hope is apparently desperate. (Maybe that’s why Finch call Hope five feet of trouble, or we should believe that Finch is threaten by Hope or angry at Hope out of the blue?) - Hope is Josie’s blindspot too.

73. Josie is upset that Finch will hate her, but doesn’t seem angry about Hope lying( I’m thinking about “you have a crush on me?”, but it can also be understood as Hope lying doesn’t hurt her at all. If this is the case, then Hope = nothing in Josie’s heart, is this true though?)

74. Hope says that she would be there if Josie is to fall into her dark side again even though she believes that Josie is strong enough to withstand it herself. (It’s still manipulation even though Hope means it, right? Don’t want to romanticise manipulation.)

75. Hope guilt trip Josie about Landon and the prison world.

76. Hope thinks that she need more convincing work on Josie after the guilt trip. But Josie surprises her by not needing any further convincing. It seems that her concerns it’s never the danger she could face from the prison world for saving Landon. It’s about the risks of losing herself again by taking her magic back. Both of them don’t know that the ascendant is full of dark magic.

77. Hope tells Lizzie to hold on when they discover that the ascendant is filled with dark magic and according to Josie before that, “you’re going to die”.

78. Josie steps in for Hope and Lizzie.

79. Hope only realised and apologised when she sees Josie with dark magic and in pain. (It shows the importance of Josie in Hope’s heart, but I think it’s very late so……)

80. When Josie, Landon, Wade ran into the kitchen from Berbelang!Hope, Josie and perfect Landon are in sync in saving Hope. It either means Jandon is very very low-key still a thing, or Josie and perfect Landon actually cares as much as each other cares for Hope. (And perfect Landon is made to love Hope, so if Josie show as much care as perfect Landon for Hope....)

81. Again, why do I care? - Josie: “Because I do!”

82. Josie embrace her magic entirely for Hope and to save Hope.

83. If the definition of true love is like what Wade says, like Landon would never hurt Hope, then we can see Josie is reluctant to hurt Hope either. She wants to consider it carefully before really plunge the knife into Hope’s heart. (But perfect Landon did it, as an outsider I think we agree that’s actually the right call? It’s just too soon when you basically have an hour to think carefully, maybe Cleo can control perfect Landon, so when she got the chance she makes perfect Landon to do it?)

84. Hope apologises for pressuring Josie into taking back her magic twice. Josie give credits to Hope’s words of her and her magic. Hope is very happy for Josie.

85. Hope wants Josie back in the school. It means that she thinks Josie is belonged to the school as how Josie think of Hope previously.

To sum them up, we have 18/85 of Hosie interactions/scenes where they are disrespect of each other, undermining, manipulating, and lying to each other. However, as we can see mostly they are supportive of each other, having good communications, and saving each other’s lives.

#hosie #anti hosie #let's discuss #hope mikaelson #josie saltzman #hosie endgame #hope x josie #legacies cw #legacies #Hosie interactions

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annaofthenorthernlights · 3 years ago

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The beach case

Kristanna fanfic modern AU, collaborated project with @hiptoff

Rated T

Find the fic on AO3

Chapter 24/26

by @annaofthenorthernlights

Daily life had become so much easier now that we didn´t have to play hide and seek with the world outside. It was such a relief to feel free to go out and about the way we liked. Even going for groceries had become real fun by now. No planning who was going when and where to get the necessities for home life.

“Ready to go?”

“Just give me a second, right?” I searched for my nice black pumps, and then turned my back on Kristoff. “Could you please help me with the zip?”

“Hm, what´s the use of closing it if I can´t see your back that way, and later unzip it again anyway?”

“Excuse me. Just because we´re free to show up together in public now does not mean that suddenly I walk around indecent!”

Kristoff looked at me in thought and then bit his lips, and lancing his hands around my waist, pulling me closer and leaning his forehead against mine, whispering fondly.

“I don´t know Anna. For one I´m so proud of taking you out and I´d like to shout it out, ´look at my girl, isn´t she the most precious sunflower in the world? ´, and then, I somehow miss the secluded moments we had here when hiding from the outside realm not to be detected. Say, is that selfish?”

I sighed with the warmth that his words caused my heart to overflow, and I lifted my face to press my lips to his.

“No, my love, it´s not. I think this is the sweetest thing I´ve ever heard. And as much as I love going out with you, I will cherish the moment we come home, and you open that zip of my dress again.”

It was time and we left the house to go out for a nice dinner at that cosy Italian restaurant down the road that we have passed hundreds of times before, but we had never been supposed to enter together.

It felt so nice, and we truly enjoyed the casualty with which we discovered we managed to handle public appearance together. No, nobody was watching us, and we didn´t feel the necessity of care not to get caught doing something stupid. It was awesome!

Of course, it was dark when we stepped out into the fresh and chilly night air, when Kristoff started fumbling with his collar in a somewhat nervous way.

“Are you alright? Something up?” I couldn´t restrain a chuckle, since he looked somewhat edgy, and I had a notion. Kristoff gazed at me with a smirk and took both my hands in his, tilting his head with a sigh.

“Anna, I was wondering.”

“Yes?”

“What you think about Christmas?”

“It´s the most beautiful time of the year?” I looked a bit confused about that question.

“Yes, it is, isn’t it?” Kristoff sighed again, squeezing my hands.

“And… you have a special wish for that season?” I could sense what was coming and my heart skipped a beat.

“Yes, I do. But only if you want it, too!”

“And what would that be?” I fixed my eyes on his stunning face not to miss the slightest detail of his words.

“Anna, will you marry me on Christmas day?”

“Yes!”

And he pulled me close into his warm arms and wrapped me in his love. I smiled into his chest and mumbled nearly swooning.

“Why on Christmas day?”

“If it´s true that the saviour of the world was born that day, then I want to say my vows to my wife who had saved my life in her own special and miraculous ways on that very day!”

“Kristoff…”

“Hm.”

“I love you.”

---

It was an enchanting evening, and we were up in the clouds and had decided to go to the one place on this planet where we had come so many times before and where it all had started for us.

I didn´t care that sand was getting into my shoes, it was a dry night and despite the cold ground, I felt warm and cosy. We had joked before that the beach would be a lovely place to get married. But now, we just realised there was no better place and we didn´t even want it to be a big thing, if only we got the chance to celebrate such a big moment with our closest friends and family.

We were dreamingly strolling along the sandbank when I noticed a movement in some distance in front of us. I tugged at Kristoff´s sleeve and pointed to the moving figure somewhat further away. That was no person, we were all alone out here. A child maybe?

The ´thing ´was coming closer, it was covered in a light coat, and it was moving faster now… Running I´d say and we both narrowed our eyes to have a closer look, when… I realised what it was.

A dog… all alone.

And he was running fast in our direction. I looked up at Kristoff and he turned to look at me with a shrug when the light furred creature came sprinting along and knocked us over by jumping at us.

We found ourselves laying in the sand, and the yellow coat ran around and over us and in between licking our faces with his slobby tongue. It all happened so fast I could hardly realise what was going on. We tried to sit up and Kristoff finally managed to get a hold of the animal and grab him around the belly and held him firm in his grip.

“Hey, boy, steady, what´s up?”

“Yes, oh goodness, who are you?” I joined in, breathlessly and noticing the troubled look on the dog´s face. And he smelled badly.

“Kristoff, his fur...”

“Yeah, I can see. He´s not the cleanest.”

The dog squirmed in Kristoff´s arms and whimpered.

“Let him go, he seems in pain.” I said with worry.

Kristoff let go and the dog retreated a bit just to start running around us again and yelping excitingly and waving his tale in a frenzy. He stood on his hinds and placed his forepaws on Kristoff´s shoulder just to lick his cheek wildly and enthusiastically.

I was completely caught off guard and giggled with amusement. It was a hilarious and somewhat sweet picture. The dog seemed to notice my sentiment and let go of Kristoff to hop around to my side and repeat his overflowing action with me, too.

“Oh goodness, that tickles, stop it!”

“Come on, buddy, over here!” Kristoff called and the creature´s head snapped up and he ran around to snuggle close to Kristoff´s side.

“He likes you.” I said calmly and bent over to stroke the dog´s head.

“But where is his owner? Do you think he´s lost?”

“I don´t know,” Kristoff said, looking around the beach like I did. “Look at him, he doesn´t look very well cared for. Maybe he got abandoned or ran away? And he wears no neckband with a name or anything.”

“Oh no. What shall we do now? We can´t leave him out here in the cold on his own?”

“Anna.” Kristoff looked at me with wide eyes and slowly shaking his head. “You don´t suppose…. Oh no….”

“Oh yes! Kristoff Bjorgman, I have once found a dead body and took him in to take care off, even though he was well capable of caring for himself. Do you think I will leave a helpless creature like that to the fate of the cold night out all alone?”

Kristoff sighed, and his eyes deceived his words because he felt the same, I knew it! And the dog pleaded with a wincing yelp and nuzzled his nose into Kristoff´s side.

“Alright! But only one night, Anna. Tomorrow we´ll bring him to a Vet and check out where he comes from.”

“And what if he has no place to go?”

“Anna….”

“Oh, pleeeeease. Look at those puppy eyes.”

The dog tilted his head clearly teaming up with me.

“He´s a grown dog.”

“Still!”

Kristoff sighed, shaking his head and I wriggled close to him on his other side.

“You don´t even notice.”

“What?”

“That you´ve been holding him all the while and caressing his head so lovingly.”

“You´re my doom.”

“Really? I thought that I have saved your life?” I giggled and brushed my cold nose over his warm cheek.

“And turned my life upside down.” He turned his face and pecked a kiss to my temple.

“So, then, we take him home with us, right?” I asked quietly.

“Looks like, yes.”

I squealed happily and flung my arms around my man´s neck, while the blond dog shot up and started licking his cheek again.

“Alright, alright, I got it! Let´s go before we all freeze to death out here.”

Anna giggled and we awkwardly got up and started walking back to our home, while the ruffled dog trotted all along with us.

“Kristoff?”

“Hm.”

“He needs a name.”

“But we can´t keep him.”

“Why not?”

“Who takes care of him when we´re at work?”

“We take him with us?”

“Yelena will kill us. We can´t do that!”

“But Lucie from the 1st floor brings her dog, too.”

“That´s a Chihuahua, and he´s stuck in a little bag all the time.”

“I make him lay beneath my desk.”

“Why your desk?”

“Ha! You want him! I know it!”

“We could swop.”

“Anything you say my love.”

“Let´s go home, sweetheart.”

“Alright.” I hooked my arm in his and turned to look down at the Labrador, and he happily waved his tale looking up at me.

“So, what shall we call him?”

Kristoff glanced at me and then at the fluffy ball of light fer, and then back at me. And a mischievous smile crossed his face and I gazed at him with understanding dawning on me. And we both crouched down to caress our new family member´s head, looking at each other with an excited nod.

“Come on, Sven, let´s go home!”

#Fanfic #kristanna #Frozen modern AU #The beach case #collaborated project #roll with it #with @hiptoff

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lifeofkaze · 4 years ago

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An Art of Balance #27

Orion Amari x MC

A/N: Greatest thanks to @carewyncromwell for being the best beta reader ever and knowing my characters better than I do! <3 Also, please don't be mad with me, okay? *ducks from angry Charlie fans*

Word Count: ~ 3.100

_________________________________________________

Chapter 26: Skewed Perceptions

To distract herself from her mind crushing thoughts, Lizzie wandered the sunny grounds for some time. She had no particular destination in mind but it was still too early to meet Charlie at the Reserve and the thought of returning to the castle made her feel positively sick. All that was waiting for her there were Rowan, the nasty rumours and the judging stares of her peers. The thought alone had her throat tightening; out here, under the open sky, she at least felt like she could breathe more freely.

The fresh air and sunshine helped restore her physical energy, but Lizzie didn’t feel better at all. She had no eye for the budding flowers lining the pathways or the blinking of the sun on the surface of the Black Lake. All she could focus on was keeping the broken pieces of her heart together. Orion had looked so resigned when she had informed him of her decision, and even though he had been quick to keep himself in check, the flash of disappointment shining in his eyes hadn’t been lost on her.

Every time she thought of him, the longing for his company grew almost unbearable. The realisation of what she had thrown away before it could even have a chance to begin threatened to suffocate her.

Lizzie was blinking back the tears that just didn’t want to stop welling up in her eyes, but she refused to cry any more of them. She had brought this upon herself after all and had done the right thing in the end. Maybe the pain tearing at her insides was the just punishment for all the lies she had told to the ones she supposedly held so dear.

After some more aimless wandering, Lizzie directed her steps towards the Creatures Reserve. She had just passed Hagrid’s hut, when the faint sound of her name had her stop and turn around.

Skye was jogging down the steps that led back to the castle. Apparently, Penny’s Pepper-Up Potion had finally kicked in; Skye was looking a lot fresher than before; her face had a healthy colour from running and her movements were full of her typical vigour, a stark contrast to Lizzie’s sorry state. But she highly doubted any potion in the world would have helped her feel better anyway.

“Jameson,” she shouted again as soon as she was within earshot. She quickly caught up with Lizzie, her breath not even unsteady. “There you are, I’ve been looking for you.”

“Well, now you found me,” Lizzie answered wryly, not really in the mood for a conversation. She hadn’t seen Skye since that morning, when she had shut a door in her face to keep her from prying.

Skye put her hands to her hips and looked her up and down. “We need to have a word.”

Lizzie couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “Seems like I’m doing nothing but talking today.”

“You’re going to tell me what the hell’s going on right now,” Skye huffed, bluntly ignoring Lizzie’s sarcasm. “Rowan and Penny are acting all weird and I heard that moron Everett talking shit about you in the Common Room.”

Her green eyes flashed angrily. “Gave him a bloody piece of my mind. He’s been badmouthing you all over the school, it seems.”

Relief washed over Lizzie at hearing Skye’s words. Of course, having a teammate spreading stories about her was awful, but at least it hadn’t been Rowan’s work after all. Lizzie felt yet another pang of guilt at having suspected her in the first place.

“What did he say?” she sighed. She did have a good guess, but wanted to hear it from Skye herself.

“He said you’ve been messing with Weasley and the captain at the same time.” She snorted in disgust as she continued. “Called you a few very nasty things as well, but I’m pretty sure he won’t repeat those anymore.”

Lizzie rubbed her temples; the pain hammering behind them was starting to come back at her words, spreading down into her jaw and neck. “Do I even want to know what you did?”

Skye’s expression didn’t even flinch. “Probably not; so please tell me risking eternal detention was justified and he’s deranged and made everything up.”

Lizzie felt like she was being caught in a continuous loop when she replied with a vague “Well, kind of.”

Skye’s eyes went wide and her face quickly changed colour. ”What do you mean, kind of?!” she gasped incredulously and gripped Lizzie’s shoulders. Her headache was intensifying quickly as Skye started shaking her.

“Relax; not like you think,” she hurriedly replied to calm Skye’s panic. “There’s nothing going on between Charlie and me. No meddling outside of the team, don’t worry,” she couldn’t help but add sardonically.

Skye was silent for a moment as she let the information sink in. Her eyes narrowed. “So that was Orion’s coat this morning?”

Lizzie bit her lip and as she wound herself out of Skye’s grasp. “Do you really need an answer?”

But Skye wasn’t having any of it and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You bet.”

With a sigh, Lizzie started recounting what had happened after she had left her and Penny at the party yesterday for the second time. With how often the scenes had played in her mind, it felt like close to the hundredth time, though.

Skye’s jaw dropped at the same rate that Lizzie grew more miserable. It felt like poking into an open wound that had just stopped bleeding again and again.

When Lizzie reached the point where Rowan had caught her and Orion kissing – the thought alone sent her emotions into overdrive again and had her cheeks blush dark red even now – the sympathy on Skye’s face quickly turned to worry, flowing seamlessly into something resembling a mild panic. It was only then, when she felt the tears trickling down her face, that Lizzie realised she was crying again.

She wiped at her eyes angrily but it was no use; the tears were spilling down her cheeks and she couldn’t help the sobs shaking her body.

Lizzie didn’t recall having cried in front of Skye ever before; up until when Skye had opened up to her about her father, they had never gotten so personal before. They would have rather cheered each other up straight away, than ride out their breakdowns together. It felt like crossing an invisible line; neither of them was used to comforting the other through some serious heartache.

“Blimey, Liz…” Her tone was unnaturally uncertain. She laid her hand on Lizzie’s back in an awkward motion and started patting it clumsily.

Lizzie had cried so much already, she was honestly sick of it; Skye’s crude attempts at cheering her up made her smile despite herself. She straightened her shoulders and wiped her eyes; Skye was visibly relieved to see her regain her composure.

“I’m alright, don’t worry. Thank you for standing up for me to Everett, in any case.”

Skye grinned and elbowed her into her side. “We’re mates after all, I’ll always have your back.”

Her smile faded a little as she continued cautiously. “So, what’s the deal with you and the captain now? It’ll rattle the team like hell, you know.”

“No, it won’t, whatever happened between him and me isn’t going anywhere; I had to promise Rowan.”

“Oh,” was all Skye managed as a reply, the wind taken out of her speech on team ethics before she had even begun. She was clearly looking for the right words to say but didn’t find any.

“Perhaps it’s better for all of us that way,” she finally said.

When Lizzie raised her eyebrows doubtingly, she quickly clarified, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m really, truly sorry for you guys, but I told you there’s a reason the Pro League wants their players to stay on friendly terms. Getting involved messes with the head.”

Another grin formed on her face, looking maybe a bit too jaunty, but Lizzie knew she was doing her best to cheer her up.

“Look on the bright side, Jameson; now that that’s out of the way, we all can completely focus on smashing Gryffindor and finally get our hands on that bloody Cup. You’ll see, no feelings, no distractions.”

Lizzie’s head was still spinning from Skye’s words as she finally made her way to the Creatures Reserve. Usually, she would have dismissed Skye’s attitude with an eyeroll or a snarky comment, but she couldn’t help the thought that perhaps this time Skye was right.

It was not like her situation could get any worse, so why not put her focus on something that she could actually control for a change?

She found Charlie right at the edge of the Forbidden Forest; he was sitting on the ground surrounded by an assortment of Wiggentrees, several Bowtruckles climbing up and down his back, shoulders and outstretched arms.

When he saw her approach, he gently placed them back onto their branches and got up with a warm smile.

“Hey Shortcake, how did it go?”

Her mind was still preoccupied with processing everything that had gone down since she had last seen him, so Lizzie didn’t immediately catch on with Charlie’s meaning. “What?”

“You said you wanted to get to the root of the talking, remember?”

“Oh yeah, right,” she mumbled absentmindedly. She had totally forgotten about what had made her seek out Rowan in the first place. “According to Skye, it was Everett, our moron of a Beater.”

Confused, Charlie tilted his head. “Why would he do that?”

Lizzie could only shrug; to be perfectly honest, she was past caring at this point. “He’s jealous, I guess; he couldn’t land with me when tried, so that’s probably his comeback now.”

“But why tell you’re with me?”

“Because it’s the best way to get back at me and Orion at the same time,” she sighed. “He can’t stand the fact that I prefer someone else to him.” She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. “As if he had ever been an option.”

“I know he’s your teammate and all but, damn, what a bloody jerk,” Charlie huffed. “He’d better learn to live with his injured pride now that you and Amari are finally going places.”

Much to his surprise, Lizzie’s face fell at his words. “No, we aren’t,” she declared with a defeated voice. “I called things off with him for Rowan,” she explained at Charlie’s astonished expression.

“I’m really sorry to hear that.” His face softened with sympathy at Lizzie’s apparent distress. “How do you feel now? Do you want to talk about it?”

Lizzie knew she would start crying again if she had to dissect her feelings one more time, even if she knew Charlie genuinely cared. So she swallowed the lump building in her throat, straightened her shoulders and put on the most light-hearted smile she could muster.

“I’m alright; it was the right thing to do in the end,” she stated with a firm voice.

Charlie’s eyes didn’t leave her face for a second. “Are you sure? You know you can always talk to me, I’m here for you.”

When she shook her head, he offered her a tentative smile. “What are you going to do now? Things are bound to get really weird, aren’t they?”

Lizzie groaned; she hadn’t even thought that far ahead. “I don’t even know how to look Orion in the face at the moment; just imagine how awkward Quidditch practise is going to be from now on.”

“Well, I can’t complain too much about that tight-knit team of yours getting rattled,” Charlie winked jokingly in an attempt to cheer her up; he couldn’t stand Lizzie looking so miserable. “Maybe that’s exactly the advantage we need against you in the final.”

He knew immediately his joke had been misplaced when he saw the incredulity forming on Lizzie’s face.

“Good to hear at least someone knows how profit from my heartache,” she hissed at him. Her eyes had narrowed dangerously and her whole posture was suddenly tense. Where she had been downcast but still relaxed before, she now radiated an angry, aggressive energy.

“Woah, hold on, it was only a joke.” Charlie raised his hands defensively but Lizzie continued glaring at him.

“It’s not a joke to me!” she exclaimed, her raised voice scaring the Bowtruckles further into their trees in a scurry. Her eyes were flashing furiously; all the frustration and suppressed anger at herself, Rowan and the whole situation was breaking it’s way at Charlie’s expense.

Charlie’s brow furrowed in confusion. “What’s even going on? I thought you said you were alright?”

“I am alright!” she shot back immediately. “The only thing not alright is you being perfectly happy about this shipwreck of a situation.”

Before he could stop himself, a disbelieving laugh escaped his mouth; Lizzie’s accusation was too absurd. “What in Godric’s name are you talking about? Have you lost your mind?”

But Lizzie was working herself into a rage. “Oh, come on Charlie,” she huffed, “both of us know you don’t like Orion and never have. But now you don’t have to worry anymore, nothing is going change any time soon; you’ll have me all to yourself.”

“Stop being so full of yourself, girl; arrogance doesn’t suit you much. This is not true and you know it.”

He had never seen Lizzie so livid before. He regretted having made his joke in the first place, but her aggressive tone was starting to make him angry as well.

“Is it?” she sneered. “That’s exactly the reason why I didn’t tell you anything in the first place. I knew you’d never understand, all you care about is us playing with magical creatures for the rest of our school years. But that’s not how it goes, Charlie; things are changing, people are changing!”

Her words hurt him more than she could possibly know. “All I ever did was support you and set your head straight when you needed it,” he responded through clenched teeth.

“Yes, tell that to yourself,” she snorted dismissively. “I thought you were my friend, but instead of showing a bit of compassion, you have nothing better to do than to make fun of me, while everything actually suits you perfectly!”

He felt his face go red at her accusation. “I can’t believe you’re saying that! As if I’d ever be capable of playing you like that; you’re my best friend!”

His voice had grown considerably louder as well; they were facing each other now, both of their eyes shooting daggers. Charlie couldn’t remember a single time he and Lizzie had screamed at each other.

Now, as she was looking him up and down, her beautiful face twisted into an angry sneer, he almost shuddered at the coldness in her eyes. “Your best friend, huh? I’m not so sure about that one right now.”

Charlie had heard enough. “You know what, Lizzie? Maybe you’re right, maybe people are changing. I feel like I don’t know you anymore these days.”

She flinched at hearing her actual name out of his mouth; Charlie almost never called her anything but affectionate nicknames.

He gathered his bag from the ground and slung it over his shoulder in a furious motion, not even trying to conceal his hurt and disappointment anymore.

“You have changed a lot this year, but certainly not for the better. You want to get rid of these rumours?” He barked a humourless laugh that echoed back from the dark trees. “Don’t worry, I’ll make sure people won’t see us together anymore.”

With that, he pushed past her and left her standing alone amongst the scared looking Bowtruckles.

Lizzie immediately regretted lashing out at him, all of her anger blowing out in an instant. The hurt in Charlie’s voice was palpable, every word feeling like a slap to her face. It was bringing her back to her senses.

“Charlie, wait!”

But he was already rounding the corner of the path leading back to the castle without so much as looking back at her.

She wanted to run after him and apologise, but she knew it would have been pointless. There was no use in arguing with Charlie when he was angry; he needed time to cool off first before she had a chance to get through to him again.

Lizzie stared at the bend in the path where he had vanished out of her sight. Charlie had been the only one of her friends who had stuck with her all the time, not even judging her once, and she had nothing better to do than let her frustration out on him.

Feeling suddenly deflated, Lizzie leaned against the nearest Wiggentree and closed her eyes. If it wasn’t for the pain still gnawing at her head, she would have been convinced all of this was nothing but a nightmare. But she knew she wouldn’t wake up out of this one.

When she felt a slight tickling against her cheek, she opened her eyes again and looked down to find one of the Bowtruckles had climbed from his branch onto her shoulder. It was raking its long, spindly fingers against her face and looked at her curiously, probably hoping for a little snack.

Lizzie held her hand out and the little creature started climbing it, wandering up her arm onto her other shoulder. She watched it absentmindedly as she thought about how many of her friends she had managed to disappoint in less than a full day.

She had betrayed Rowan’s trust; she had turned away from Orion without even giving him a say in the matter; she had ignored all of Skye’s warnings and probably plunged their team into disarray; and now she had deeply hurt Charlie by unfairly questioning his motives.

Lizzie buried her hand deep in her pockets after she had set the Bowtruckle back onto its branch and reluctantly turned her steps back towards the school.

Her eyes being firmly fixed onto the ground, she tried to ignore the scattered groups of students enjoying the beautiful weather as she was nearing the castle gates. On a normal day, she would have been among them, enjoying some downtime with her friends, eagerly looking forward to their final match in pursuit of the Cup. She couldn’t have felt further from this normality she craved like nothing else.

All of a sudden, she felt very alone.

#hphm #hogwarts mystery #quidditch #orion amari #charlie weasley #lizzie jameson #skye parkin #aob #art of balance #the quidditch squad

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letsdiscoverkitty · 4 years ago

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Home/Family Update - May 2021

I will take this right back to when I was discharged from the Priory in December. From there I moved back home with my parents; it was a bit of a difficult transition as I didn't have any home leave in the lead up to being discharged due to COVID and my consultant wanting me to make the most of my time on the ward. Add to that my EDP going completely awol, meaning that our whole 4 week pre-discharge meetings and relapse prevention plan went out the window. So yes it was a bit of a rocky start, and that is without you factoring in COVID lockdown/Christmas.

Being discharged from an IP setting is never easy no matter who you are; changes in environment and routine can throw you off track without you even realising it and I did find myself struggling with this. I also had the difficult navigation of adapting to coming home in terms of my dad and his recovery. For those who might not know, last March my dad fell down the stairs in the middle of the night the day that my parents arrived home after a month in NZ. He suffered 3 brain bleeds (a subdural, an extradural and a subarachnoid), multiple facial fractures and a break in his spine. That night was one of, if not THE, worst of my life. We were told that it was very likely that he would not survive and that if he did he would be in a vegetated state or not able to take care of himself...we were told to prepare for the worst. By some MIRACLE he defied all the odds and at the age of 74 after spending 11 or so days on the ICU, a further 2 weeks on a trauma ward and then another 3 months in a neuro rehab, he was discharged home and is now, a year on from the accident, completely independent, no sign of further brain bleeds and is actually much fitter than he has been for, well, 50 years! Honestly, we never expected anything like this sort of recovery and from an outside perspective he is doing perfectly. However, there are things that will never be the same again and I don't think it is until you are with someone 24/7 that you are able to tell. He has changed quite a bit as a person; in some ways this is a good thing but in other ways it is not so. He cannot deal with changes in environment or routine; even things like having the bread on the side instead of in the bread bin completely throws him off and he doesn't even register that the bread is there. He gets very easily agitated, can be extremely rude and a little aggressive. Now some of this was already there (a lot of it was) but it has become more acutely obvious since the head injury. I have SO much respect and love for my mum - I really dont know how she has held herself up over the past 2 years, as well as helping dad when he was initially transitioning home (I was still in hospital but it sounded like he needed a lot of help for the first few months - which I only saw an inch of when they were able to visit me in hospital (he used to wander off and didn't know where he was etc. which is thankfully no longer and issue!)).

This is hard for me to say but I will admit that I have struggled more than I thought I would with being around him; in short I pretty much went through the whole mourning process whilst I was in hospital as the last time i saw him on the trauma ward before they stopped all visits and before I was admitted, he didn't know who I was...He thought he lived in another country and was telling me all sorts of stories that were fabricated, before telling me that he needed to go and pick up the mercedes and drive to sainsburys to get the Gin and petrol (we don't have a mercedes and he doesn't even like gin!) Anyway, I digress. So yes, I basically mourned for someone who was still alive physically but mentally had changed as at the time I didn't know whether he would be in a vegetated state or make a good recovery. Thankfully we are on the good side and he is doing so incredibly well but the bottom line is that he is different and living with him, at the age of 26, is HARD. We have good days and bad days (as any young adult who lives with their parents does) and there are many many days that I wish I wasn't living at home but I do my best to hold myself together during those times, especially for my mum because she, I tell you, is absolutely incredible. How she has put up with him for so long I honestly do not know!

Talking of mum, I would say that since the whole accident with dad, we have become a LOT closer. We really had to lean on each other over that month; we were driving down to Brighton every single day to see dad on the ICU and on the Trauma ward until we were stopped from visiting - it was mentally and physically exhausting for the both of us, especially as we were still barely processing the trauma and struggling with flashbacks in the night. We were the first ones on the scene of the accident (if it weren't for mum's medical training, dad would not be alive today). Of course we still have our moments but I feel like our relationship almost "levelled up and matured over the past year. We have bonded over being in nature and walking (because what else can you do when the country is in lockdown!?! but also because we have always been an "outdoors" family (well my mum, Andi and me have))- we also talk about dad and the accident quite a bit too, which has helped me beyond belief (and her too). We give each other space, and yes there are days when we dont get on but who doesn't have days when they dont?

On balance I would say that home is "okay". It is manageable. No the environment is not perfect and I do find it affects my mental health quite a bit and holds me back in some ways (I cannot wait to be able to move out one day) but I am incredibly grateful to have parents that are willing to and can afford to take me under their roof and help me out during this time.

Gosh, this has already ended up so much longer than I thought it would, I am sorry! In short: home life is okay. We are here and that is the most important thing. We saw Andi a two-ish weeks ago as we were in Cornwall for our usual time-share (we were so lucky that Boris allowed self catering two weeks before our usual time share week) - I think it was good for them to get out of their flat as I don't think they had left the small area where they live since last September when we went down to Cornwall (I was given leave for a week as it was sold to my consultant to help my dad's recovery, which is definitely did but yes we did pull the right strings to get that one!)

Anyway, I shall leave this update here and start the mammoth task of the next one. I am sorry that this is taking me so long, it's quite hard to write and think back and reflect (although actually quite helpful for me to do) so I do find that I have to come back to it a few times. Please stick with me x

-----

I forgot to add that dad had an assessment before we went away to Cornwall to see whether he can have his driving license back and (as mum and I predicted) he failed. To say that he did not take it well would be putting it lightly!!! I am actually ashamed of the way that he behaved and the things that he said/the reasons he fabricated as to why he had failed (let's just say he got sexist and rude - which I have ZERO time for and was appalled by him - I am so glad I was not with him/mum after the assessment as I would have blown my fuse at hime). He could not even entertain the idea that he had failed. He blamed everything/anything else that he could - even saying that it was the system and one of the first things he said to me was "I understand now, I've worked it out, it's the system, they aren't allowed to pass many people first time so that's it", which I just *speechless*. Mum and I have talked about it a lot and we don't think that he has ever "failed" at anything in his life. He also believes that he is 10000%. fixed and has no issues or problems and doesn't need any support or guidance. He refuses to listen to mum and I when we try to tell him about how unwell he was, he refuses to believe it and won't take it. One thing that mum and I are very glad of is that all of this driving stuff is OUTSIDE of the family. He can't put it on us. It is coming from an external place and we can support him if he lets us but that is his decision as to whether he lets us or not. He has never been a good patient; and he also won't take any advice (in anything) from mum or let her be right about something either, which is just sad, really sad. This is not a new thing, it has always been this way. And the more I reflect on our family/have reflected over the past year with dad in hospital, the more I see that I don't like. The way dad has behaved and treated mum, how he was always missing in my childhood, how alcohol always came above family, how old fashioned and unwilling to learn he is, how distant and uninterested he was, how he never says please or thank you, never asks how anyone is and refuses to talk about mental health (yep, despite so much going on in our family with mental illnesses, he refuses to talk about it and won't even ask "how are you?" or offer support etc)...I don't mean to be so negative about him, I really don't. I love him, he is my dad, but there is a lot of healing that needs to be done, and it is going to take time.

#personal #update

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puppywritings · 4 years ago

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sometimes they come back - qian kun (ft. huang renjun, dong sicheng, wong yukhei & johnny suh)

⇢ synopsis: kun was distraught when he lost his brother sicheng at a very young age. sixteen years later, he’s moved on from his trauma and made a living as a high school literature teacher. however, with the entrance of a troubled young student, along comes reminders of his brother’s gruesome end and somehow, kun feels a daunting link.

⇢ word count: 9.3k ⇢ trigger warnings: swearing, nightmares, trauma, mental illness, death of a family member, demons, blood, murder, one instance of semi-graphic gore.

⇢ a/n: so this is the longest thing i’ve ever written and i worked pretty damn hard on it. quick disclaimer that although i made renjun very evil i still love him ❤️ (and evil renjun is kinda sexy but u didn’t hear that from me) anyways this story definitely fits in the horror genre and may be disturbing for younger readers!! based on stephen king’s short story sometimes they come back but deviates from the actual plot. see the trigger warnings above and proceed with caution.

⇢ part of @takitaro and @starryqian‘s stephen king collab! thank u for allowing me to be part of such a fun project:)

⇢ taglist: @badwithten @sandaigdigan-reads

masterlist

Sunday.

The clock read 03:26 when Qian Kun woke up from his nightmare, panting and covered in sweat. Long ago, this was a familiar occurrence. Long ago, it was strange if he didn’t wake up like this. But, long ago, this all ended. It had been fourteen years since the nightmares stopped - so why were they happening again now?

Shaking, Kun got out of bed and trudged downstairs to the kitchen in the house where he lived alone, and had done for many years now. He flicked the switch to boil the kettle; there was no way he was getting back to sleep any time soon. His toes tapped anxiously on the tile floor while he sat at the table, picking at a hangnail on his left thumb. Why now, all this time after he had recovered, was he being forced to relive his brother’s murder as he slept?

The kettle boiled with a click, and Kun jumped. He huffed, hand on his chest, and went to prepare his drink. Coffee, black. He couldn’t take anything light or sugary, not that night. The sharpness of his beverage bit at him, and it was what he needed - a sensory distraction from the images currently filling his mind. His brother Sicheng, just thirteen years old; the light leaving his eyes as he went limp in Kun’s arms; the blood flooding out of his stab wound, bathing them both in crimson; the greaser gang dispersing, leaving Kun alone to yell, bawl, and beg. Kun shuddered, swallowing back nausea. God, he wanted to forget. But he knew he never could.

(Timeskip - 16 years earlier)

The weather had been fair on the afternoon that Kun lost his brother; the sky was blue, cloudless, and the air was practically alive with all the opportunities for young boys to find fun. The afternoon had begun much like any other. The young Kun and Sicheng, revolting against the idea of spending any time inside while the sun was shining, had set off towards their favourite diner, just a few blocks away. Kun remembered every detail exactly - he had relived the event every time he fell asleep for years afterwards - his brother’s bright blue t-shirt, the freckles scattering his cheeks, the frayed laces in his favourite sneakers. Sicheng was still small at thirteen years old, not yet having hit that growth spurt he was waiting for. In their neighbourhood, plagued with crime, bullies, and greaser gangs, Sicheng’s size put him at a disadvantage. Kun, though not huge himself, always felt protective over his younger brother, and had gotten into many a fistfight in his defence. That fated day felt perfectly normal, up until the moment they turned onto the diner’s street.

Fourteen-year-old Kun sighed. Swarmed around the entrance of their beloved diner was a group of greasers, complete with coal-black leather jackets and huge, hulking motorcycles.

“Come on, let’s go,” Sicheng said, hands tucked in his pockets. “Maybe tomorrow.”

“No,” Kun said abruptly, and Sicheng looked at him in surprise. “I’m sick of living my life in fear of these idiots. They don’t own the diner - we can just walk right past them and go inside. They can’t stop us.”

“Are you sure? What about little Shotaro?”

This made Kun pause. Everybody knew the story about little Shotaro. In the next town over, a boy a few years younger than them had been beaten to a pulp, almost killed, over a ridiculous turf war that he hadn’t even been involved in. Kun clenched his jaw, angry at the injustice, thoughts of the incident only spurring him on. He had more confidence that day than perhaps ever before.

“They won’t touch us.” Kun truly believed this. The group in question, a few years older than the brothers, had never caused them harm before. The most they had done before was chase them, and once spat on them, which had been an awful humiliation indeed, but Kun didn’t think they’d be bold enough to hurt them - it was all an act, a front to look tough. “Let's go,” Kun said with an edge of determination, and Sicheng followed him closely down the street.

As predicted, the greasers weren’t happy when Kun and Sicheng approached them - far from it. A boy, around seventeen or so, eyeballed the boys as soon as they got close. He scoffed when he saw that they weren’t stopping. “Yo,” he barked. “Diner’s ours today. Turn around.”

Kun puffed out his chest despite his nerves. “No.”

The greaser laughed incredulously, elbowing his buddy in the side as if sharing some ridiculous joke. He turned to Kun and Sicheng, looking down at them as though they were ants on the sidewalk. “Hold up. The fuck did you just say?”

“I said no,” Kun held his ground, fists clenched to keep them from trembling. Kun bravely chanced a look up at the greaser and was unable to read his expression. It was somewhere between disbelieving surprise and rage; his eyebrows were pulled tightly downwards, and his mouth was agape, showing a snaggletooth.

Kun felt Sicheng tug on the back of his shirt, holding onto his brother to ease his anxiety. He spoke up, following his older brother's lead. "We only want to get some milkshakes," he spoke with a tremor to his words. "Let us in."

There were sniggers and sneers from the group of greasers. "No means no, kid. Get lost," the ringleader spoke, leaning in close to Sicheng where he stood huddled behind Kun. "Before I make you wish you were never born. You don’t wanna fuck with me today."

Kun scoffed. "You wouldn't hurt us."

The ringleader raised a skeptical eyebrow at Kun, before stepping back, rolling up the sleeves of his leather jacket. "Grab him, boys."

Before Kun had the time to process the instruction, a pair of arms grabbed him from behind. He pulled, trying to break free, but it was to no avail. With the older boys being bigger and stronger, Kun's struggles were useless. Terror flooded his system; he had been wrong. The greasers weren't afraid to hurt him. They hadn't even hesitated. He had gravely misjudged their threat levels. As Kun grappled with the older boys, Sicheng watched. As if in slow-motion, Kun saw a fist, tightly curled, thrusting towards him, marked with a dark birthmark.

He heard the crack in his jaw before he felt the blinding pain. The pain was white-hot; it spread throughout his face, scalding his bones and making him groan. The greaser hit him again, and again, busting his nose. Kun felt dizzy with the pain, and his vision blurred.

"Let him go!" Kun heard Sicheng stick up for him as he went limp in the greasers' iron hold. "Let him go, you… y-you…"

The greaser laughed. "Spit it out, kid."

"You bitch!" Sicheng managed, almost panting with the effort.

Kun looked up to see the greaser gaping - Sicheng had managed to genuinely shock him. There was a fire in his eyes that Kun noticed despite his hazy vision. Still detained, Kun watched as the greaser reached into his leather jacket. He saw a silver flash, and naively wondered why he would wield a comb in such a threatening way.

It wasn’t until Sicheng was on his knees, crouched over and clutching his abdomen, that Kun realised it hadn’t been a comb.

“Jesus Christ,” gasped the greaser holding Kun back. He stepped back, releasing Kun, who fell onto his hands and knees.

“S-Sicheng,” Kun gasped, unable to breathe. Sicheng’s blood poured onto the pavement, and Kun felt it on his hands, warm, as he crawled towards his brother. Distantly, Kun noticed the crowd of greasers disperse, fast, but all he could focus on was Sicheng.

“Ambulance-” Kun choked out, unsure who he was calling to. “Somebody get an ambulance!”

Kun caught his brother as he collapsed, wheezing. “Sicheng, no- I- you can’t-”

Sicheng’s eyelids were heavy and they struggled to remain open. Kun knew it was too late - there was too much blood on the ground, on Kun. Sicheng went limp in his arms, his eyes went glassy. Kun screamed.

Kun suffered from a dark and heavy grief after losing Sicheng. The world seemed bleak and pointless for some time. He couldn’t understand why he was being made to live in this world, a world without his brother and best friend. What cruel hands of fate would ever take away such a young, innocent life? Plagued by nightmares, Kun trudged through the next few years.

However, as is inevitable when it comes to the resilient nature of mankind, Kun managed to move on. He went to therapy, vanquished his demons, and held Sicheng close to his heart. He stepped out of the shadow that grief had cast upon him, and vowed to live a better life than the one Sicheng had, the one that was cut far too short. He worked hard, went to a good college, and moved out of the area that was haunted by nightmares of gangs and crime.

Sixteen years after losing his brother, Kun had made quite a life for himself. He taught literature to wealthy children at a prestigious private school. The school was nothing like the one he and Sicheng had attended in their youth. Kun taught the children of politicians, CEO’s, people with money. The students Kun taught were free of leather jackets and motorcycles, and their pockets had never seen switchblade knives. They thrived in an environment that nurtured its students, looked after them and educated them. Kun lived a calm life, a stable life. He went to work each day and there wasn’t a steel-toed boot or studded leather glove in sight. He was in peace -

Monday.

Until that week. Kun rubbed his eyes as he yawned, stretching his legs, stiff from sitting at his kitchen table for such a long time. Not a single nightmare about his brother’s death for fourteen years, and now, out of the blue… Kun had dreamed of Sicheng’s death every night for a week. It was as puzzling as it was concerning. Kun blinked tiredly, looking up at the clock on the wall of his kitchen. He jumped - he had been sitting there all night. He stood, going to his window and pulling back the curtains. It was true; morning light illuminated the dew drops on his lawn, which was littered with small birds twittering away to each other. He put on another pot of coffee; it was only an hour until he had to leave for work.

Kun had had the week from hell. Each dream had been different; in some, Sicheng roared at Kun, blood gurgling from his mouth as he cursed his brother for failing to save him; in others, Kun was stabbed alongside his brother. Some dreams were a perfect replica of the actual events. One thing remained unchanged, though. Kun never saw the face of the attacker. He knew it was just a matter of his brain blocking out details to protect him, but it frustrated him at times. Kun could never hunt the man down, not even if he wanted to. He could walk past the man on the street and be none the wiser.

His house had begun to feel like a prison; he had spent each night either waking in a cold sweat, or sipping coffee at his kitchen table when the threat of nightmares was too daunting for him to even lie down. And he had spent his days recuperating. A dreadful headache had been afflicting him, and he had taken the whole week off work. Now, however, he knew he had to return. Though still exhausted, and with a dull pounding tormenting his head, Kun was very aware of how easy it was to slip back into a depressive slump. He believed that the normalcy of his work environment would soothe him, and that the darkness that had built up in his home could be shed by a nice, regular day at work.

Or so he thought.

Kun felt uneasy throughout his day at the school; there was a darkness hanging in the air, albeit a darkness only himself picked up on. He coasted through the day, serving mediocre lessons and dodging his students’ questions of, “Where have you been, Mr Qian?” and “Were you sick, Mr Qian?”

Something was off. There were dark clouds that lingered at the edges of his vision, always staying in his peripheral, never quite coming into view. There were cold spots that sent chills down his spine, and whispers that were too distant to decipher. Kun tried to brush off his paranoia as a lingering side effect of the built-up sleep deprivation he was facing, but he simply couldn’t deny the fact that something just felt wrong.

All too soon, the school day ended. Students filtered out of the building, and Kun was alone with his thoughts yet again. Resting his forehead on the cool wooden surface of his desk, he allowed himself a very self-indulgent groan, an attempt to release his frustration and restlessness. It didn’t work - not that he actually thought it would. Kun knew that he could use the excuse of catching up on work to remain in his classroom for a good few hours. However there was a limited amount of work he could stay behind to carry out, and he would have to return home soon enough, back to the darkness and the nightmares.

Kun stood, stretching his aching muscles, and idly looked out of his classroom window. Winter was approaching - though only just past four in the afternoon, a grey gloom was already beginning to fall as the sky darkened. He would go home now, he decided. At least there he could set the fire going, change into a warm sweater, and make himself dinner as he worked. Kun donned his favourite brown coat, picked up his worn briefcase, and departed his classroom.

“Mr Qian.” Kun stopped on the way to his car when he heard his name. His head whipped around at lightning speed; one could say he was a little on-edge.

“Principal Suh, hello,” Kun greeted his boss.

“You’re feeling better, I hope?” the principal spoke as he caught up with Kun, who faked a smile and nodded. “Great. I was hoping to catch you tomorrow morning but since I’ve got you now; there’s a transfer student, he’ll be in your first-period class tomorrow. I only feel the need to warn you because…” the principal paused, taking a measured sigh, as if trying to find the best words to use. “Well, he’s a bit of a problem child, it seems.”

Kun nodded and smiled at all the correct intervals, clenching a fist inside his pocket to cope with the frustration of how badly he wanted to get home.

“Nothing we can’t handle,” the principal continued, “Nothing we haven’t seen before. Rich kid lashing out to get daddy’s attention.” Kun gave a cynical laugh. “Huang Renjun. I’ll give you his file tomorrow morning.”

Huang Renjun.

Kun recognised that name from somewhere. He began to think back, but was pulled sharply from his thoughts by a searing pain in his jaw. It was deeply reminiscent of the injury he suffered from all those years ago, during his brother’s accident; the dislocated jaw he sustained when the wretched greaser had hit him.

“Right,” Kun commented distractedly, plastering that fake smile upon his face once again. “See you tomorrow, Principal Suh.” The man smiled, giving Kun a hearty pat on the back before departing.

Kun hurried to his car. The pain in his jaw was worrying, and it only became more intense with each passing moment. He couldn’t think what could’ve brought this on - surely not repercussions from his previous injury, which had healed fine and hadn’t shown a single problem in sixteen years. He drove home, the ache hanging over him like a thick fog. Once there, Kun fell into his bed, passing out just as the pain became paralysing.

Tuesday, 6:03am

Kun awoke the next morning, feeling as though he hadn’t slept a wink, despite the thirteen hours he had under his belt. Groggily, he brought a hand up to his jaw, rubbing it tentatively. No more pain. That was relieving. Still, even with the lack of pain, he wouldn’t consider the morning particularly pleasant thus far.

Kun had dreamed again that night. Another nightmare replaying Sicheng’s death. This dream, however, had been different from any other before. The faceless entity who stabbed his brother had a name. The name was never spoken, never outright stated, but Kun knew it to be true; his name was Huang Renjun.

Kun sat up, rubbing his tired eyes. He had a bad feeling. Come on, Kun, be rational, he willed himself. This was just his brain feeding the day’s information into his dream. Obviously there was no link between Kun’s new student and the bastard who killed his brother sixteen years ago - obviously. The logical part of Kun’s brain believed this completely. But he had a gut feeling that something was very, very wrong. He couldn’t shake the feeling, and it laid heavy in his stomach like a stone. He couldn’t shake it as he made breakfast, and he couldn’t shake it as he washed his face and dressed for work. It overpowered even the pounding in his head, which was rather powerful itself.

Kun knocked back some painkillers; he couldn’t take another day off, as he had used up all his paid sick days until the end of the semester. Even if he did have another sick day available, Kun didn’t think he would take it. He had a real feeling of dread, entirely surrounding Huang Renjun, transfer student and alleged problem child, guest and visitor to Kun’s nightmares. Call it morbid curiosity, but Kun had to meet the boy. He wondered if these feelings would go away once he met the student. Kun imagined it, all dread and darkness dissipating when he saw that Huang Renjun was just a regular teenage boy, albeit a little troubled.

Maybe it was just the pessimistic devil on his shoulder, but he doubted it. Everything lined up just a little too nicely for his liking - the return of his nightmares, the unshakable feelings of both dread and paranoia, the ache in his jaw, and the entrance of this child. God, Kun felt like a madman, but it truly felt linked to him.

A while later, Kun was still pondering these things as he paced up and down the staff room, clutching his coffee mug a little too tightly.

“Morning, Kun.”

The greeting was innocuous, harmless. But Kun, like a skittish horse, jumped out of his skin and allowed his mug to fall to the ground, shattering. Kun sighed.

“Woah, sorry,” Yukhei apologised, surprised and worried. “Didn’t mean to scare you there.”

“It’s okay,” Kun waved it off with a shaky smile. “Way too much caffeine in my system.”

Yukhei, gym teacher and Kun’s friend, silently helped him clean up the mess. Kun was thankful, and displayed his appreciation with another smile that he hoped seemed genuine.

Kun looked up, after sweeping up some smaller shards, to find Yukhei looking at him inquisitively. “Are you doing okay?” the taller man asked.

“I- Yeah. Yeah, I’m doing fine.” Even to his own ears, Kun didn’t put on a very convincing show.

“Burnout is a real thing, bro. You gotta take care of yourself.”

Kun’s heart raced a little, at the receival of some genuine human concern. He hadn't realised the effect it had had upon him, isolating himself for that week-long period. Kun nodded, trying hard not to tear up. “Thanks, Yukhei.”

“I think Principal Suh was looking for you, by the way,” Yukhei mentioned offhandedly.

The kid’s file - Kun had completely forgotten. In a display of perfect timing, the bell sounded, signalling the beginning of first period.

“Shit,” muttered Kun.

Yukhei gave Kun a supportive pat on the back. “We should have a catch up soon, man. You know where I am if you need anything.”

With that, Yukhei was gone, presumably to teach a class, and Kun followed after him, out into the crowds of tired, blathering teenagers. He supposed he’d just have to read the file whenever Principal Suh was free to contact him.

Kun’s classroom was full by the time he reached it - had he really taken that long? he wondered distantly. His students were a little rowdy despite the early hour, seizing the lack of supervision and taking full advantage of it, chatting to each other noisily. They hadn’t noted his arrival yet, so Kun took the opportunity to stand in the doorway for a moment, unseen and undetected. He glanced around the room, and his eyes fell upon his new student easily.

Huang Renjun. He stuck out like a sore thumb. Where his classmates dressed appropriately in the uniformed navy blazers, Renjun wore a very prominent black leather jacket. Kun swallowed nervously. The boy was facing away from Kun, speaking to his peers, but he knew it was him. Taking a shaky breath, Kun stepped into his classroom, pushing through the panic brought on by one of his triggers. The leather jacket, far too reminiscent of his youth and the traumas he endured there, had had a profound effect on him, but he had the necessary coping mechanisms to deal with it. He inhaled deeply, paused, and exhaled.

Kun cleared his throat as he entered the room, and the chatter quietened. “Excuse me,” he spoke, his voice clear and bold, pointedly avoiding looking at the boy. “I know you’re new here, but you can’t wear that in class.” Still keeping his gaze away from the student, Kun removed his coat and pressed the power button to boot up his computer.

Huang Renjun remained silent, although another student, Haeun, spoke up. “What are you talking about, Mr Qian? He’s wearing the uniform.”

Kun blinked, finally taking another look at Renjun. The boy had turned around and was, in fact, complying entirely with the uniform code. Blazer included. No leather jacket to be seen. A few students snickered at Kun’s mistake. Luckily, he knew he wouldn’t get mocked too much; most of his students respected him highly. He was well-liked, generally. They would let this mistake pass.

Renjun wasn’t looking at Kun. His gaze was pointed straight down towards his desk, face hidden behind long bangs.

“Oh. Right. I apologise, it must’ve been a trick of the light.” Kun gave a sincere apology. Though he was paranoid, exhausted, filled with dread, he wasn’t going to forego his manners.

“No worries, sir,” Renjun forgave him easily. He sounded like a regular teenager, Kun thought, although he wasn’t sure what else he expected. The student looked up at Kun, using his hand to flick his hair out of his face. Kun noted the mark on his hand, the dark birthmark. He began to feel dizzy; he knew that mark.

Out of nowhere, Kun felt that pain again - that white-hot, blinding bite in his jaw. It reached out its burning tendrils, spreading all throughout his face. Kun stepped back, staggering almost, as he cupped his jaw apprehensively. Kun was still looking at Renjun, who moved his stare, looking directly into Kun’s eyes.

Renjun’s eyes were black. No whites, no iris. Pure, solid black.

Though Kun didn't think it was possible, the pain intensified. Grey spots danced across the classroom as his vision went spotty, fizzling like static on a television. Kun swayed, reaching out to grab the edge of his desk for support but missing it entirely, catching thin air instead. Heavy as a stone, Kun fell to the ground, passing out.

The last thing he saw was Huang Renjun glaring at him, a malicious smile on his face.

Tuesday, 9:53am

Kun's eyes snapped open. The fluorescent lights above his head were harsh, and he winced, blinking. He was lying down; where was he?

"Oh, you're awake. How are you feeling, Mr Qian?" The school nurse, Joohyun. Right. He had passed out in class.

Kun sat up abruptly. Huang Renjun - that piercing gaze, the menacing grin.

Nurse Joohyun spoke to him again. "You passed out during first period. Do you remember that, Mr Qian?"

"Yes," Kun confirmed, rubbing his jaw and reminiscing of the pain prior to his fainting spell. It was now entirely painless. "Migraine," Kun materialised his excuse on the spot, "They've been bothering me lately."

"Ah," Joohyun nodded in sympathetic understanding, talking as she prepared Kun a cup of water and passed it to him. "Nasty things. You should go home and rest for the remainder of the day. Will you be able to drive yourself home?"

"Yes, thank you." Kun didn't realise how thirsty he was until the water passed his lips. He drank it gratefully.

Nurse Joohyun departed, leaving Kun in the quiet once again. He finished his water and left the school with haste. Once in his car, he allowed himself to fall apart a little, unseen. When he threw his head into his hands, he found that he was shaking, trembling. Was this it? Was he going insane?

No. Kun’s mind was sharp. He knew it was still intact. He always had been a logical man, and so he remained. He only believed in what he saw, what he knew to be the complete truth. And even now, when the very truths of reality had become so dark and twisted, he knew that what his mind believed was the absolute truth.

He kept his eyes trained directly on the road, focused straight ahead as he thought. He had to be rational here. In completely untenable circumstances, Kun had to remain tenable. In this utterly illogical situation, Kun had to think logically.

He laid the facts out in front of him: sixteen years ago, his brother was stabbed. He suffered from terrible grief. He went to therapy, grew up, the nightmares went away. He worked hard, got a good job, and moved on. Everything was okay. Right?

Then the nightmares returned. A new student arrived at his school, Huang Renjun. He started getting splitting pains in his jaw, right where that bastard punched him before murdering his brother. The student featured in his nightmares. He had the same birthmark as that killer. Kun made eye contact with Renjun and passed out. And the student had looked at him with that expression, that malicious smile. A look of pure evil.

And so, illigocial, irrational, implausible, untenable as it was, Kun knew it to be true. Sixteen years ago, Huang Renjun murdered Sicheng. And now, sixteen years later, Huang Renjun was a student in Kun’s class, not having aged a day.

Kun was home before he knew it. He went inside, but didn’t rest. He didn’t sleep, didn’t close his eyes for longer than a blink until the next morning.

Wednesday.

Kun felt unsafe in the school. He was angry; how dare this entity make him feel so uncomfortable in his own place of work? He felt the lingering darkness, even when he was surrounded by students and faculty. It smothered him like a blanket of smoke, impossibly heavy and making him choke.

Kun wasn’t teaching Huang Renjun’s class that day. Yet he was still terrified. Paranoia tinged his vision, altered his very perception of reality; every student that entered his classroom was Renjun, until he blinked and they weren’t. Every sudden movement was a punch flying towards his jaw, until he shook himself and there was no threat. He was completely on edge all day.

While Kun was exhausted, he was also overwhelmed with the energies of a thousand different emotions. He was terrified, paranoid, furious, devastated. He couldn’t believe that he was back here, replaying Sicheng’s death in his mind over and over. This piece of shit, this monster - he was here solely to fuck with Kun. And the worst part of it was that he was succeeding. Kun felt defiant. He couldn’t let this thing ruin him. Not for a second time.

Kun looked around. The sun was shining brightly, but he didn’t feel its warm rays. He stepped on a piece of bright pink bubblegum, flattened on the pavement, but his shoes didn’t stick. He looked up; thirteen-year-old Sicheng was looking back at him.

Oh, fuck. Not again.

Kun wished he could grab his younger brother by the arm and march him back home, stopping the imminent events before they even happened. But the picture was already in motion. Before Kun knew it, he and Sicheng were stood before the greaser gang.

“Diner’s ours today. Turn around,” barked the ringleader, Huang Renjun.

Wait, Huang Renjun?

Surely enough, the boy from Kun’s class was in front of him, in all his greaser glory - leather jacket donned, hair slicked back, snaggletooth displayed in a mean snarl. Slowly, the other greasers melted away, ceasing to exist in this dreamland. Even Sicheng evaporated. Only Kun and Renjun remained.

“What the fuck do you want with me?” Kun asked, his voice dripping with equal parts anger and desperation.

Renjun shrugged, smiling smugly. He looked as though he were playing his favourite game. “You’re fun to mess with, Kun.”

“Fuck off,” Kun bit back. “Haven’t you messed with me enough?”

Renjun laughed. And laughed, and laughed. The hideous melody went on for far too long, and Kun winced at the sound. “I’ve barely even begun messing with you, Kun! Wait and see, how depraved you’ll get. People do funny things when you push them far enough.”

Renjun stepped closer to Kun. Somehow, the child towered above him. “And I- Can’t- Wait-” each word was punctuated by a tap on Kun’s nose, “To see what you’ll do.”

Kun tried to slap his hand away, but missed. “You’re sick,” he spat, “You’re a monster.”

“Well, duh,” Renjun scoffed. “You’re just stating the obvious here, Kunny.”

“Get the fuck away from me,” Kun hissed, stumbling backwards. He turned, running down streets that were so familiar yet so distant to him.

“You can run,” Renjun’s voice followed him, “But you’ll never escape.”

Kun woke with a start, panting in his bed. His usual calming mantra of “It’s just a dream,” did nothing that night. Kun knew that it was far more than a petty nightmare. This was real - all too real.

Thursday, 11:12am

Kun had Renjun’s class again that day, and he was determined not to let the child hurt him. He had it figured out, or so he thought; don’t look the kid in the eyes, don’t speak to him, don’t even acknowledge his presence. And then Kun would be safe. This was all a game to Renjun, and Kun would not be playing. He simply would not engage.

The class began relatively smoothly. Though it was late morning, the sun hid behind thick clouds which produced a healthy drizzle, darkening the world and giving the background noise of rain against the classroom windows, pitter patter. Kun worked hard to ignore the heavy weight that hung over him, and the dark energy that Huang Renjun exuded from the back of the room. Nobody else seemed to pick up in it, but Kun sure as hell did. He could've collapsed under its pressure, it was so heavy. But he remained strong, resisting toughly against its darkness.

Kun gripped a paperback tightly in his hand. Macbeth. A text he knew well, and found easy to teach.

"So," Kun explained to his class, "As she desperately tries to rub away this invisible bloodstain, we see Lady Macbeth-"

"Sir." Kun was interrupted by Renjun. He ignored it.

"We see Lady-"

"SIR," Renjun interrupted again, raising his voice.

Kun looked around the classroom. Nobody else seemed perturbed by the boy's yelling, nobody so much as batted an eyelid. They all looked rather bored, staring off into space or doodling in their notebooks. Part of Kun wondered whether anyone else had actually heard what he did.

He gave a level sigh. "What is it?" he answered the boy. Kun refused to speak his name, refused to even look at him. He kept his eyes directed down towards the book in his hands, and he noticed his knuckles turn white with their grip.

"Why are you staring at me?" Renjun's tone was lazy, playful. He was toying with Kun. Driving him to his limit? Daring him to snap?

"I'm not staring at you," Kun responded, remaining calm. It wasn't easy; Renjun's darkness was overwhelming, pulsating in the air, making Kun's head throb. It brought out the worst in Kun. Oh, how badly he wanted to throw the boy across the room. But he wouldn't. He would stay calm.

"Yes, you are," Renjun argued, and Kun could hear the smirk in his voice.

"I'm not," Kun denied.

"You are," Renjun returned.

Kun dropped his book, which fell with a slap onto his desk. "I haven't glanced at you once this whole lesson," he snapped. Kun cleared his throat, trying to regain his composure - if one could consider this shaky state composed. "We see Lady Macbeth's descent into madness. Now, can anyone tell me-"

"Well that's strange."

"Can anyone tell me how-"

"Why are you avoiding me, Kun?"

"Huang, go to the principal's office."

As soon as Kun spoke that name, the deep, dark energy that had been smothering Kun for the past twenty minutes permeated his body, penetrating his very soul. He shuddered. It was dark; so very dark. It was as if by speaking his name, he had let the beast touch him. He had let him inside, he had been infected.

"Fine," Renjun said, standing up. His desk was empty, unlike the students that surrounded him. He had no notebook, no notes. No pencil case, no pens. With nothing to gather, he marched straight to the door.

Kun, in a moment of weakness, or perhaps just a moment of pure stupidity, glanced at the boy for a split second before he slammed the classroom door behind him. A split second was all it took.

Again, Renjun's eyes were fully black. He grinned at Kun, but it was very much unlike the menacing grimace he had displayed a few days prior. His teeth were bared, rows and rows of razor-sharp fangs, needle-like in nature. They were sheer white, polished and shining, piercing Kun's heart from ten feet away.

The door slammed, shutting him out, but that split second was long enough to instill fear in Kun's deepest core, absolute terror. The external darkness eased a little once he was gone, returning to a low hum of evil energy, but Kun was shaking as he resumed the lesson.

As expected, Renjun's behaviour had gone entirely unnoticed by the rest of the class. They didn't even seem disturbed by Kun's raised voice - he was extremely glad about this. He had a deep integral belief that it was wrong to yell at his students. He would have been kicking himself. But he knew Huang Renjun wasn't a student. It wasn't a teenage boy, it was something dark, dangerous. a powerful entity from god-knows-where.

Kun gave his students a task to complete at their leisure, and took a seat at his desk. He gripped the heavy oak, trying to still his shaking hands. Maybe he ought to go back to therapy, he considered. But where would he even start? With the death of his brother? With the return of his nightmares? With the entrance of Huang Renjun.

No, he dismissed the idea. No competent therapist would believe him - he would be sectioned and medicated after a single session. Plus, whatever was going on was solely between him and Renjun; it was completely unseen and unacknowledged by anybody else.

Kun sounded delirious, even to himself. Nothing in science or logic could possibly provide an explanation for what was happening. But he knew it was real. He knew. Huang Renjun was something cruel, something sick. Something that had crawled right out of hell, directly to Kun's doorstep to torture him. He would figure this out, he vowed. He would rid himself of this beast.

Thursday, 3:49pm

The end of the day - Kun had made it. He let himself relax in his desk chair, leaning back and closing his eyes. He had to admit, he was rather proud of himself. Yes, he’d had a minor run-in with the boy, but he’d managed to diffuse the situation and rid himself of the problem. And, more importantly, he hadn’t passed out this time. Kun scoffed at the hilarity of it all - what a ridiculously low standard for a good day, reaching 3pm without suffering a fainting spell. He would go home and treat himself, he decided, by cooking a comforting stir-fried beef dish.

Knock, knock, knock.

Kun sat forwards with a jolt, gripping his desk tightly for some form of stability. He hated living in this near-constant state of fight-or-flight - it could easily be a quiet freshman, coming to ask questions they were too shy to raise in class. It could have been a colleague, a parent, any number of harmless guests. Despite all of the possibilities, Kun’s mind went to the worst place. He was certain he knew who it was. God, don’t let it be him.

The door swung open in a dreadfully slow manner. Pale fingers wrapped themselves around the door, which gave way to reveal none other than Huang Renjun; just Kun’s luck.

“What do you want?” Kun asked the boy, hackles raised.

Renjun didn’t respond. He closed the door behind him, and the click sent shivers down Kun’s spine - what was he doing? Kun could only watch, frozen, as the boy moved. He grabbed a chair from behind a desk, and brought it to Kun’s desk. The shiny metal squealed as it was dragged across the floor, making Kun wince. Renjun sat on the chair backwards, facing Kun and leaning his arms on the backrest. He rested his head on his arms, looking up at his teacher. He was the picture of innocence; wide eyes, a small mischievous smile present on his lips. Kun only sat in silence, waiting for the boy to act. He was action-ready, prepared to bolt (or even fight) should Renjun do anything drastic.

Kun wasn’t sure how many minutes passed before Renjun spoke. Until that point, they had simply been staring at each other, Kun with a panicked look in his bloodshot eyes and Renjun clearly enjoying the effect he was having on the older male. “I’m sorry for upsetting you today,” Renjun said. Kun didn’t reply, only moving his hands to his thighs, digging his nails inwards to ground himself. “Why do you have it out for me?” Renjun spoke again.

To an outsider, the scene would have been simply heartwrenching. Renjun, a very obviously damaged adolescent who had been hurt by the world many times, looking his teacher in the eye and asking why, pleading almost, begging to be treated right for once in his young life. He sounded like a sad, broken young man; innocent, confused, curious.

Kun knew it was a ruse.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Kun denied, his voice low and flat. He gathered some papers on his desk and shuffled them. He busied himself, so as not to get lost within Renjun’s dark energy again. If he were to pass out here, completely alone in the classroom, he had no idea what would become of him.

Renjun continued his sad little boy pretense, flashing dark puppy-dog eyes up at Kun. “I didn’t do anything to you,” he cooed. “I’m just a kid, right?”

Kun was certain that Renjun was playing games with him now. He knew that Kun knew. “You’re not just a kid,” Kun snapped, snarling at the boy in front of him. He threw the papers back down on his desk, rolling backwards in his chair to put distance between himself and the child. The sky opened up all of a sudden, rain pouring from the heavens.

“C’mon, don’t be mean,” Renjun drawled. “Play along, Kun. I’m just a kid… Right?”

“I’m going home,” Kun stated abruptly, standing up and preparing to remove himself from the situation. Renjun began to cackle, but Kun did everything he could to shut the boy out. He picked up his briefcase and slung his coat over his arm. A dash of thunder cracked through the sky, and Kun jumped.

“I left you a surprise there,” Renjun spoke, his voice playful.

Kun turned, running out of his classroom and sprinting down corridors. What the fuck had that bastard done to his house? He was barely even aware of the rain once he reached the school’s exit, though it drenched him in a matter of seconds. In the mad dash to his car, his hair fell flat with the rain, sticking to his forehead, and his shirt clung to his body, turning see-through. He rifled through his coat pockets, hunting for his car keys.

To the stray students that lingered after school hours, Kun probably looked deranged. But others’ perceptions of him were the least of his worries at that moment. He had no idea what Renjun was capable of - he had no idea what Renjun even was. A ghost? A demon? Something else? He truly didn’t know. He had to get home, and fast.

Kun was panting when he reached his house, worked up into a complete frenzy of anxiety and agitation. He swung into his driveway hastily, not wanting to lose any precious time perfecting his parking. Half on the driveway and half on his lawn, he stepped out of his car, staggering.

His front door had been completely torn off its hinges. Kun’s hands met his hair, tugging in helplessness. The door itself was laying haphazardly inside the doorway - if you could even call it a door any more. It was in two pieces, ripped apart. Shards of glass and wood were discarded all around. What the fuck had the monster done?

Kun dreaded to think what this looked like to his neighbours. The elderly couple to the left of him must have been terrified to see that beast rip through his house like a hurricane - how had the police not been called yet?

Kun gritted his teeth as he entered his house. He knew he had drawn the curtains that morning, but they had been pulled shut since. He squinted, eyes adjusting to the darkness as he fumbled for the light switch with shaky hands. He almost whimpered when the light flickered on. His armchair had been flipped, and his couch was torn, littered with slash marks, made by a knife or even a pair of claws. Kun looked around the room in horror - this was his home. He felt so attacked, so violated.

His eyes fell upon the mirror that hung above his fireplace, and he was forced to hold onto his ruined couch to save his buckling knees. Scrawled across it, in burning crimson, was his brother’s name, “SICHENG.”

Kun couldn’t breathe. He looked through the letters to his reflection. He looked every bit as distraught as he felt. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, which he supposed he hadn’t, not properly. He looked like a man whose life was falling apart.

His home wasn't a safe place for him any more. Physically nor emotionally. Kun darted around his house, grabbing an old duffle bag and filling it with essentials - a change of clothes, his toothbrush, phone charger. He supposed he didn't need his keys, not when any old stranger could wander inside from the streets. After a moment of deliberation, he threw in his largest kitchen knife too.

Fifteen minutes later, Kun pulled up at a dying establishment, parking his car a little more neatly this time. Elliot Motel read the faded sign, desperately in need of a paint job. The place was deserted - Kun wouldn’t have been surprised to see a tumbleweed rolling past. But it was remote, and it was a place away from his home where he could lay low and hide out until he figured out what to do.

The bored receptionist hadn’t spared Kun a second glance, for which he was grateful. Once in his allocated room, he double-locked the door and pulled the curtains tightly shut. He didn’t even dare turn on the light, for fear of the yellow glow being visible through the curtains. Although it would come as a shock to him if the place even had working electrics. The dark was better; it gave him a sense of anonymity, and it kept the cockroaches hidden from his view.

Kun perched on the end of the bed, resting his head in his hands. He could hear his heart hammering, the pulsating sound rattled around his head and he could feel it. He couldn’t think straight - his only emotion was blind panic. He leapt up from the bed, too much energy to stay seated. He paced back and forth in the dark, almost tearing out his hair in terror.

Hours passed but Kun couldn’t settle. His brain was going a mile a minute, darting from one place to the next. He was frazzled, and he had no idea what the fuck he was supposed to do. He was angry, enraged that this demon would fuck up his life and his home like this. He was terrified, and he felt as though he may be ambushed or attacked any minute. He couldn’t think straight. And exactly as the clock struck midnight, the phone in his dingy motel room began to ring.

Kun yelped, the harsh trilling ring boring into his soul and making him jump. He scrambled to the old rotary phone, tightly gripping the handle and pulling it close to his ear. He heard nothing at the other end, other than very faint static.

“Hello?” Kun spoke. His own voice shocked him - he sounded so unstable, like a scared little boy. The same scared little boy who would wake up from nightmares of losing his brother all those years ago.

A rattling noise came out of the receiver. After a few seconds, Kun realised it was the sound of somebody breathing. Even yet ragged breaths, loud and crackly through the ancient telephone. Kun knew exactly who it was.

“I know it’s you, bastard,” he hissed into the phone. He was met with more silence. Kun was furious. This monster was ruining him - look at what he’d turned him into. A grown man, a man who was esteemed and well-respected. Crouched on the floor of a dingy motel, clutching a telephone, his once neat shirt and trousers now rumpled and sticky with sweat. This couldn’t go on any longer, Kun decided.

“Meet me at the school. 3am. We’re ending this.”

Thursday, 2:34am.

Kun was ready. It hadn't been easy - he'd been through hell and back - but he was prepared. He knew what had to be done, and he was willing to do it.

In the hours since the dreadful phone call which had riled him up immensely, Kun had darted all over town.

To the library, where he had left a broken window in his wake (and he could only hope that his makeshift mask would be enough to save him from breaking and entering charges). He had encountered a dusty section he had never noticed before, which was strange in itself. Being a teacher of literature, the library was a place he frequented, though this section he had never happened upon. He was convinced it only bore itself to those in need, but that fact was neither here nor there. He had rifled through the section, leaving pages torn and books scattered, something he never would have done in his normal life. But he did the research he needed to do, and got the exact knowledge he required.

He had driven back to his house, which no longer felt like a home, to pick up one of the few precious belongings of Sicheng's he had left - necessary for the sacrifice. He had paroled the streets, searching for a stray animal. He never would've harmed an animal but the blood of an innocent creature was needed. He pulled though, apologising deeply to the stray dog which yelped and bit at him.

And there he stood, in the middle of his classroom, clutching his duffle bag which was filled with the most mismatched assortment of offerings. Raising Demons, the book which had proven most informative, Sicheng's red woollen scarf, a vial full of dog's blood, the butcher knife from his kitchen. He looked like a hot mess and he knew it; his shirt was untucked, most of the buttons now undone, and he had lost his tie long ago. He was panting, and he couldn't seem to find his breath no matter how long he stood still.

He looked around his classroom. It was empty, but soon that would change - and that wasn't a comforting thought by far. God, he was wasting time, he thought as he stood there dumbly. But where the fuck did he start?

He ran to action, shoving away the desks that surrounded him, creating a clearing in the centre of the room. He threw open the cupboard at the back of the room and pulled out the old stereo that lay dormant in there. He messed with the dials, twiddling them back and forth until static blared out. He flinched at the sound, but it was no louder than the blaring panic that had been reverberating around his skull lately.

Not wanting to waste another minute, Kun sprinted to the front of the room, grabbing a marker pen and setting to work on the floor. As meticulously as he could with his shaking hands, Kun drew a pentagram, tainting the floor of his beloved classroom. He yanked open his duffle bag, trembling as he placed the items around the pentagram. He picked up the stolen novel, Raising Demons, and jumped to the page he had dog-eared.

Well, Kun thought to himself, No time like the present.

He recited the passage, focusing heavily - he couldn’t get a single word wrong. “Dark Father, hear me for my soul’s sake. I am one who promises sacrifice. I am one who seeks vengeance of the left hand. I bring blood in promise of sacrifice.”

A wind picked up in the classroom, dark clouds materialising and flying around the pentagram in a tight circle, a tornado of evil.

Kun had thought he’d witnessed true darkness in the presence of Huang Renjun; he thought he had seen what evil really was. He had been wrong. True darkness, true overwhelming power, true and pure evil, was what he had summoned before him. Renjun was nothing in comparison to this beast. Kun felt sick.

A voice spoke to him, hissing and spitting, from deep within the clouds. It was deep, grating, abnormal. “What do you ask of me?”

Kun looked down towards the ground. He didn’t want to peer too deeply into this void that had materialised - he knew that anything he saw would scar him deeply. Its energy was horrific enough. This wasn’t a sight he wanted to see. He spoke as clearly as he could, raising his voice to the demon. “Rid me of the spirit that plagues me.”

“Then give me what is mine,” the voice rumbled back.

Kun nodded, trembling. He kneeled on the floor, picked up the butcher’s knife. He placed his hand on the floor, all fingers curled under his fist apart from his pinky finger. He closed his eyes, whimpering as he braced himself. Kun raised the knife and brought it down fast. He yelped; the pain was immense, but he knew he hadn’t yet severed the bone. He took a second hit. A third. A fourth. Again, and again. As Kun screamed, the appendage finally detached.

He reopened his eyes, recognising the blood splattered across the floor as his own. He used the knife to nudge the detached appendage into the pentagram, his nausea intensifying. Blood was spurting from his hand at an alarming rate, and he clutched it close to his chest.

The voice spoke again. “It will be done.”

Kun looked to the clock in his classroom, just as it turned 3. Renjun appeared in the doorway with that now-familiar evil smile on his face. Kun’s vision was spotty, but he could still see Renjun’s grin fall instantly. He couldn’t read the expression on the thing’s face. It could have been rage. It could even have been fear.

“No,” Renjun roared. “What have you done?”

The tornado picked up, and Kun flew flat on his back with the intensity of the wind. A pinprick of light spawned in its centre and Kun had to shield his eyes from it, hiding in the crook of his elbow while his other hand was still clamped close to his chest.

“No! No! Fuck you, Qian Kun!” Huang Renjun shrieked, until… silence. Everything was still. Kun sat up, dizziness wracking his senses. For the first time since the whole ordeal began, he felt something similar to calm. The room was quiet, still, and empty, save for himself. The demon he had summoned was gone. Huang Renjun was gone. The quiet disoriented him; he felt like it had been a while since he truly experienced quiet.

Kun picked up his knife once again and cut along the bottom of his shirt, wrapping the material tightly around his stub of a finger in an attempt to slow the bleeding. He felt faint - he knew he’d lost a substantial amount of blood. He stood, staggering out of his bombsite of a classroom and stumbling into the hallway. He bent, heaving onto the floor, bile burning his throat and mouth. He probably needed to get to a hospital, but how would he explain himself?

Kun felt a pat on his back - a warm, comforting gesture. Wiping saliva from his mouth and chin, he looked up, and found himself staring into a pair of friendly brown eyes, surrounded by aged wrinkles. Something inside Kun simply knew that he was a kind figure, a peaceful figure.

“It’s gone now, son,” the old man spoke, his voice croaky. Kun merely stared at him, wide-eyed, as he talked. “I’ve had students like that one before. They feed on your energy, eat away at you. Look into your past to find the best way to torture you. But it’s gone now. It’s gone.”

Kun stood up straight, or as straight as he could manage in his current condition. He didn’t recognise the teacher standing before him. “Who are you?” he panted, squinting at the other man.

“Don’t worry about me, son, I’m long gone” the man responded with a wry smile. “I taught here long, long ago. Just listen to me - my God, son, if you take notice of one thing in your life, let it be this -” the man leaned in close to whisper in Kun’s ear. Kun closed his eyes, listening as closely as he could despite his faltering consciousness. “When you involve yourself with something like this, sometimes they come back.”

When Kun opened his eyes again, the man was gone.

Kun wobbled outside, breathing in the night air as if he’d been deprived of oxygen for weeks. It was over, the weight on his chest was gone. He could breathe. He could live. All he could do now was pick up the pieces. But the old man’s words echoed in his mind,

Sometimes they come back.

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dark-and-twisty-01 · 5 years ago

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DiAngelo is the only survivor of the largest mass suicide on American soil. He found the bodies of his 39 friends lying with plastic bags over their heads, wearing neat black tracksuits with an 'Away Team' patch and Nike trainers. Now we discover why he was left behind...

It was midday when Rio DiAngelo arrived at the hilltop mansion overlooking San Diego to find all the windows closed, the curtains drawn, and outdoor lights burning in the sunshine. The front door was locked, but he found a side door ajar and warily pushed it open.

The unmistakable stench of death made him gag and he covered his face with his shirtsleeve, which still smelled of cologne from his morning shower. As he walked through the eerie silence, he knew what he would find. And he dreaded it. Upstairs, 39 of his friends lay dead in their beds after the largest mass suicide on American soil. All members of a bizarre cult, they had each downed a lethal cocktail of vodka, barbiturates and apple sauce to leave their 'earthly containers' and join an alien spaceship trailing the Hale-Bopp comet.Yelling out in case anyone was still alive, DiAngelo raced from room to room. But all he found were bodies with plastic bags over their heads. Each one wore a neat black tracksuit with an 'Away Team' patch and Nike trainers with their comet-trail trademark. The 21 women and 18 men had each packed a small bag for the journey, and have five dollars in their pocket. Thoughtful to the end, each had left a note saying. 'I forced myself to go into each room and check everyone,' said DiAngelo. 'With each body I came across, the loss became too much to bear. They were my closest friends. I loved them dearly.'

DiAngelo, who's real name is Richard Ford, became involved with the Heaven's Gate Cult in 1994 after attending one of their meetings in a California hotel or 'Cultifornia' as sceptics often call the state that spawned Charles Manson and the Reverend Jim Jones. He had listened while nine androgynous-looking members wearing identical loose clothes and cropped hair described their absolute belief in aliens, the paranormal, and reincarnation. One of them was 59 year old Thomas Nichols whose sister, Nichelle, played Star Trek's Lieutenant Uhura. Forbidden to have sex, hug each other, or even shake hands, the Heaven's Gate cultists concentrated on purifying their bodies and spirits ready for the move to 'an advanced level of being' on another planet or dimension. They called each other brother or sister, observed daily rituals, and were allowed to watch only selected TV programmes. Individual needs were minimised so that a member who had run out of deodorant, for example, would have to apply for a new one in writing.Anyone entering the immaculately clean mansion referred to as 'the temple' had to take off their shoes and wear surgical socks. Silence prevailed, and many of their neighbours assumed they were 'a bunch of monks.' In line with their belief that they had been sent to earth as angels, six members were castrated and, according to DiAngelo, 'they couldn't stop smiling and giggling about it.'

On some days, members had to report to their superiors every 12 minutes while on other days they were required to wear a cone on their heads as they would in alien bodies. Many common words were changed so that members would not remember their human past once they had ascended into space. For instance, house became 'craft' and kitchen became 'nutri-lab.' Their 65 year old leader Marshall Applewhite had started the cult in 1972 with Bonnie Nettles whom he had met while undergoing treatment for homosexuality in a psychiatric hospital. They had abandoned their human names and called themselves Guinea and Pig, then Bo and Peep, before finally settling on Do and Ti.Ti died of cancer in 1985, But Do, claiming he was Jesus reincarnated, said he continued to communicate with her. The group survived financially by running a successful web page design firm which they also used to try and win converts and spread their message. Their own website featured pictures of stars and nebulae downloaded from NASA and appeared very businesslike. It also stated that suicide is acceptable for cult members who want to ascent to 'a higher level of life.' Heaven's Gate shared some of the beliefs of 19th century occultists like novelist Mark Twain. In 1907, Twain wrote a short story about a hero leaving Earth for 'an extended excursion among the heavenly bodies' on the trail of a comet. He took his passport and five dollars for the fare. Despite their fantastic beliefs, DiAngelo was converted and lived in this eccentric community for nearly three years. I'd just turned forty and recently divorced and I was trying to find meaning in life,' he said. 'I'd had a fairly troubled past that included a violent, unstable mother and other bad relationships. The group shared my interest in UFOs, music and Eastern Religions.

But in, December 1995, Do's teaching took a more sinister turn and DiAngelo later recalled that he 'sat us all down and told us that we might have to leave our bodies behind. Amazingly, we didn't really have a problem with that. We trusted Do implicitly. 'We found a suicide recipe that used phenobarbital, vodka and apple sauce, and Do and some of his helpers went to Mexico to buy enough of the drug for the entire group.' Eleven months later, an amateur astronomer took a photo of the Hale-Bopp comet, which showed a mysterious oval-shaped object trailing in its wake. Although NASA later described it a 'proto-comet' 2,000 miles behind Hale-Bopp, other astronomers dismissed the sighting as a hoax or error. Hale-Mary, as it was called, has not been seen since. Do, however, convinced his followers that it was a spaceship coming to take them away and that his deceased partner, Ti, was flying it. Seeing significance in everything, he told then that Hale-Bopp even had the same initials as Helena Blavatsky, another 19th century occultist with whom the group shared beliefs. Having decided on this 'Star-gate' plan, the group prepared to enjoy a final spree on Earth by spending some surplus money. They went to Las Vegas and stayed at the Stratosphere Hotel, and rode the rollercoaster and the Big Shot free-fall ride. A week later they went to see Star Wars and visited the San Diego wild animal park and Sea World. For their 'last supper,' they booked a table for 39 at a local restaurant where waiter Eric Morales was struck by their politeness and helpfulness. 'From the moment they arrived, all austerely dressed and looking the same, I knew this would be no ordinary shift,' he said. 'I made a joke to sort of set the mood and when I returned to their table five minutes later they were still laughing at it. You could tell they didn't get out a lot. 'All thirty nine ordered exactly the same: turkey pie, salad, blueberry cheesecake and iced tea. They were very pleasant, but guarded. When asked where they were from they said things like 'from the car' and 'from all over.' Six days later, employees at the restaurant watched news footage in amazement when they realised the oddball diners they had served had gone straight home and killed themselves. 'It was the last time they were going to be together,' said Morales. 'The bill came to three hundred and fifty one dollars which included a twenty six dollar tip. Our manager was so taken with them, he stood in the doorway and shook hands with each one as they left.' A month before the suicides, DiAngelo decided he wanted to leave the commune. He moved to Beverly Hills, and began working for a web design company. 'I left with Do's permission,' he said/. 'I told him I felt I had something to do outside...like a task. I think part of it was to explain to the world the philosophy of Heaven's Gate and the sort of people they were. Be an instrument of clarification. 'I believed Do was from another planet. He taught me to be more aware, honest and sensitive to the world. In short, a better person. What I gained from the group was phenomenal.

On March 27th, 1997, a parcel arrived at DiAngelo's office. It contained an upbeat farewell video and a message saying: 'By the time you read this we will have exited our bodies.' 'There was no mention of sadness or fear, but rather an air of excitement and anticipation. The cult he called 'his closest brothers and sisters' were aged between 26 and 72 and are believed to have died in three groups - 15 the first day, 15 the next, and nine on the third. In the heat of the Californian spring, many of the bodies had already begun to decompose by the time DiAngelo discovered them. Eager to be helpful, they cleaned up after each round of dying and had even taken out the rubbish. Police found handguns, rifles, and ammunition at the mansion which DiAngelo believed Marshall Applewhite had assembled because he feared a Waco-like siege by the FBI. He had also spent, $1,000 on an insurance policy that would pay out a million dollars each for up to 50 people in the event of abduction by aliens. The company said Heaven's Gate were one of 4,000 policyholders worldwide who had bought alien abduction insurance, with Britain and the USA being their biggest markets. The aftermath of the Heaven's Gate deaths was predictably prosaic. San Diego County planned to auction off their belongings - worth an estimated $1 million and give the proceeds to surviving family members. But DiAngelo claimed that his brothers and sisters wanted him to inherit the web design firm and announced his intention of settling the matter in court. Neighbours living on the same street as the group campaigned to change it's name after crowds of 'strange visitors' kept arriving to pray there. And the $1.6 million mansion itself proved unsellable because of it's gruesome associations and the obstinate smell of formaldehyde in its air conditioning. Two months after the suicide pact, two former members of Heaven's Gate also tried to 'exit their earthly vehicles' in a Holiday Inn four miles from the cult's mausoleum. They were dressed and prepared exactly the same as their departed brothers and sisters. One died immediately. The other was found unconscious, and went on to evangelise for the cult, touring the country with a 70-minute video of the bug-eyed Marshall Applewhite. He killed himself the following year in Heaven's Gate style after telling his friends that he would 'rather gamble on missing the bus this time than stay on this planet and risk losing my soul.' DiAngelo went on to apply the computer skills he had learned from Heaven's Gate to his earthly life. He auctioned off the cult's van on eBay and signed a deal to write a TV movie based on his experiences. But the project never got off the ground. A tabloid offered him $1 million for exclusive rights to his story. At the time he refused, preferring to preserve the dignity of his departed friends. Upon reflection, he later said he should have taken the money. 'I've been on a rollercoaster over the last decade,' he said in 2007. 'I still miss my friends so much and I still haven't met anyone who can compare to them. Not a day goes by that I don't think about them. 'I'm the last Heaven's Gate member on Earth, so there must be a reason why I'm still here. But although I still want to live like them, dying like them definitely isn't part of my plan.' DiAngelo re-established contact with his 19 year old son and confessed he was now 'a slave to commerce like everybody else.' Ten years on he was still haunted by the events of that terrible day, but relieved that he didn't join his friends in the mass suicide which shocked the world. The group's website is still maintained by two individuals allegedly surviving members who left after 12 years to get married (forbidden within the group which prized gender-free platonic relationships) prior to the group's exodus to the 'Next Evolutionary Level.' They confirmed in a statement on the 20th anniversary of the mass suicide that Heaven's Gate no longer existed but that the site remained available to those seeking information about their beliefs.

The world's fascination with the extraordinary actions Heaven's Gate undertook is yet to abate...

#Heaven's Gate Cult #Marshall Applewhite #rio diangelo #Richard Fort #Mass Suicide #tcc crime #tcc post #tcc cults #tcc blog #true crime #true crime community #real crime #real deaths #religious cults #dangerous cults #The Serial Killer Chronicles #my blog #follow for more

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goneseriesanalysis · 4 years ago

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Astrid Ellison

So here are my opinions on Astrid Ellison from book 1. Astrid was the character on which my opinion changed the most, which is why it’s taken me so long to get my thoughts together. Sorry for the length again but it seems I have a talent for ✨rambling✨

Spoilers for Gone by Michael Grant down below

Original Opinion: Astrid was one of my least favourite characters. I remember finding her irritating and self-righteous and honestly couldn’t think of a single good thing to say about her.

New Opinion: Astrid was my favourite character in this book. She had moments where I found her slightly irritating - but I think that was Michael struggling to right a smart character more than anything else. She was so kind and brave and not at all like the emotionless and manipulative girl that I remember hating at the grand age of 14.

1.) Astrid’s appearance - Astrid is one of the better described characters in Gone. In the first chapter we find out that she “had shoulder-length blonde hair, and liked to wear starched white short-sleeved blouses that never failed to catch Sam’s eye.” This description immediately establishes her as Sam’s love interest, from her being the first character to get a proper description to Sam’s clear infatuation with her. This is perhaps one of the reasons why I’m not a huge fan of their relationship – it was obvious from page 3 that they were going to end up together. We get three other main descriptions of Astrid throughout the book that really stood out to me:

“Her normally sharp, discerning blue eyes were wide, with way too much white showing” – Chapter 1

“She sat in the big white wicker rocker with her feet propped up on the railing. Her bare legs were blazing white in the sunshine.” – Chapter 20

“The starched white blouses of the pre-FAYZ had given way to t-shirts” – Chapter 28

What really stood out to me in these descriptions is the repeated use of the colour white. Now, in religion white is symbolic of faith, innocence and sacrifice, all of which really seem to fit the characterisation of Astrid. She has a lot of faith in the beginning, not only in God but also in herself. She is relatively confident in who she is and in her place in the world. As the book continues, however, she begins to lose this faith. As she sacrifices more of her time to the care of Little Pete (I really don’t like how Michael constantly treated him as a burden but that is a topic for another post), she becomes less and less confident in her faith and begins to resent what she has become.

As for Astrid’s innocence, I believe this is more of an insight into how Sam views her as opposed to how she actually is. Astrid is intelligent and brave and caring (although a lot of the time I think she struggles to show it) – but is she innocent?? I don’t think so, at least not in the traditional sense. She has grown up as a parent, been forced to mature faster than other children her age. She is Little Pete’s constant defender, and I think in this way Sam underestimates her. As the book continues, he begins to see this, with her staple white blouses transforming into t-shirts, he begins to see her for who she is.

2.) Astrid’s Personality and Character - Aside from Astrid’s intelligence and religious beliefs, Astrid has a very well-rounded personality. She is brave and kind-hearted but seems somewhat socially inept, meaning that the softer side of her personality is often hidden by her cool exterior. (I think there is a possibility that Astrid is autistic-coded but I don’t know enough about the topic to develop this point past mere observation). She takes on the role of a mother to Little Pete and this calmer, kinder, and more protective side of Astrid is often shown in small moments throughout the books. Astrid is the first person to offer comfort to Quinn when he realises his parents are missing, and it is only once she does this that Quinn finally allows himself to fall apart (Chapter 2). She places a hand on his shoulder and for the first night is the one who hears out Quinn’s wild theories, instead of shooting them down (cough cough Sam).

Her relationship with Little Pete is a complicated one. While she often seems resentful about her new position as a guardian, it feels like her resentment towards Little Pete is a way for her to mask her anger at things that are beyond her control. She is furious that the FAYZ has left her without parents, and is even more furious because she can’t truly understand why it has happened. So, to stop these feelings of helplessness, she targets her resentment towards the person she is closest do (as most of us unfortunately do when we feel this way). But despite her anger, her unconditional love always wins out. And this is one of the things I absolutely adored about her when re-reading. Despite her often feeling trapped by her new role in Little Pete’s life, she is still willing to distance herself from Sam, Edilio and Quinn (who are, as far as we know, the closest thing she has to friends) in order to keep him safe. She realises that Little Pete caused the FAYZ in chapter 11 and, even when Sam confronts her, her first move is to defend LP – she is not concerned with what they think of her, only with the safety of her brother.

Further on in the book, after Drake forces her to call Little Pete a slur, she is horrified with herself. She gives almost no thought to the pain she went through stating that “now she was far more angry at herself than she had ever been at him.” I think this really just shows how devoted Astrid is to her brother and, when you remember that she is only 14 it really is amazing how strong she forces herself to be for him. I began to notice on this read through just how much she neglects her own emotions and wellbeing in favour of protecting others (she even shields LP with her own body when the church collapses on top of them and we get no indication as to how injured SHE is). Once again her thoughts are only on her brother. While I wish she had made more of an effort to communicate with Little Pete in a way that he could understand (the few times she does this in the book, he does respond well and it would have been interesting to develop this side of their relationship more, rather than just the one sided protector/protected dynamic), when you think about her age and the trauma that she must be experiencing, I think she does exceptionally well to stay so kind, patient and collected for the majority of the time.

One thing that really surprised me the most when revisiting Astrid’s character was her immense bravery. This is a huge part of her character that I had completely forgotten about, leading me to remember her as little more than a typical damsel in distress. While she often uses her intelligence as a defence mechanism, such as in Chapter 15 when she stands up to Diana, in times when a verbal smack down is inappropriate, she is perfectly willing to put herself in danger in order to protect those that she cares about. We first see this in chapter 10 when she breaks up the fight on the highway. We see it again when Panda and Quinn attack Little Pete, with one of my favourite quotes of the whole book, “Did you throw a rock at my brother?’ Astrid yelled. Fearless in her outrage.” It reminds me so much of the Frankenstein quote “I am fearless and therefore powerful” and was the point in the book where my past prejudices got completely wiped away and were replaced by my new love for her. She cares so much about people, and gets hardly any recognition for it. I just want to give her a hug 😥

Another thing I noticed about Astrid, which I thinks fit’s in really well with the idea of her being this awkward social outcast (I mean did she even have any friends before??) is that while many pop culture references are made by a variety of characters, Astrid makes multiple references to historical figures:

“Patrick was named for Patrick Star, the not-very-bright character on Spongebob” – Lana’s pov Chapter 2

“It’s like a roadrunner cartoon” – Quinn Chapter 9

“I’ll bet you’re one of those brainy Lisa Simpson types” – Diana Chapter 14

“Let me guess, you’re secretly a wizard who was raised by muggles.” – Sam Chapter 21

“And this isn’t exactly the time for me to consult Yoda on how to use my power” – Sam Chapter 26

“..an ornate, heavy iron thing that Coates kids joked was the tenth Nazgul” – Jack’s pov Chapter 32

“Too bad Dr Phil’s not around.” – Diana 39

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” – Astrid Chapter 5

“To understand this you’d have to be Einstein or Heisenburg or Feynman, on that level” – Astrid Chapter 13

“Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. I forgot who said it.” – Astrid Chapter 17

I don’t have much else to say about this other than I find it quite interesting and I think it perfectly highlights how Astrid never quite fits in, no matter how hard she tries.

3.) Astrid’s Intelligence - Astrid’s intelligence is mainly used for world building throughout the first book. It is from Astrid that we learn the full story of the power plant incident, learn that the barrier is a dome and are introduced to the idea of animal mutations, as well as many theories about the outside world/ what caused the FAYZ (although those last theories are a misdirection on her part). This works well for the most part as it means that important information can be spaced evenly throughout the book, without the need for info-dumps. However, sometimes Michael’s attempts to showcase Astrid’s intelligence were, I think, a little on the nose and took me out of the story. The worst offender for this, in my opinion, is in chapter 2 with the line “Is that meant to be a pro forma reassurance or a specific commitment?” This is a really nit-picky complaint but this line just really bugged me as it seemed like he was making her smart for the sake of being smart and it kind of came off as annoying. I know one of her character flaws is her social awkwardness but this just felt too much. I love the way she over-explains and over-analyses things when she’s nervous, and I think her constant referencing to things that the other characters just don’t understand perfectly demonstrate this flaw, but lines like this seemed a little irritating and obnoxious.

The secondary use for Astrid’s intelligence in this book is as her primary line of defence. Her intellect is something that she prides herself on, but it is also something that separates her from everyone else. People are intimidated by her, and, as a result, she has learned to use her intelligence as a weapon when necessary. This is clearly seen in chapter 14, when Diana tries to intimidate her and Astrid immediately starts asking Diana questions about the cause of the FAYZ (questions that she knows Diana has no answer to). It’s later seen in chapter 22. When Drake begins to bully Astrid into calling LP a slur, she fights back by explaining that said slur is outdated; explaining the meaning of it; and then explaining how it does not fit LP anyway. While she knows that she cannot use her physical strength, her intellect is something that she can weaponise in certain situations in order to protect herself and those she loves. Her proficiency in this tactic also leads me to believe that Astrid has probably been in similar situations before. Everyone in Perdido Beach seems to know about LP. Is that why she has no friends?? Has she distanced herself from her peers in order to protect LP from their ignorance, whether consciously or not??

4.) Astrid and Religion - I don’t have as much to say about this, as I’m not religious myself and have very little understanding of Christianity (Or Catholicism – I’m actually not sure which Astrid is meant to be so if anyone knows I would appreciate it), but I feel like this is a such a huge part of who Astrid is that I had to at least mention it. One thing that I do like is Astrid’s seemingly constant battle between her scientific beliefs and her religious beliefs. While she does believe in God, she won’t accept him as an explanation for the FAYZ, and still looks for a scientific answer. Her relationship with religion seems to act as more of a moral guideline rather than a fundamental belief system. She looks to God for guidance and support in times of trouble, such as at Bette’s funeral (Chapter 17), as she is being chased by Drake (Chapter 24) and when the church is collapsed on top of her (Chapter 45) and seems to be convinced that her morality is directly tied to her faith. However, she relies on facts (things she can explain and control) for true comfort, and doesn’t allow her faith to interfere with her action. I think these ideas are perfectly encompassed by this quote from Chapter 40 “No. I believe in free will. I think we make our own decisions and carry out our own actions. And our actions have consequences. The world is what we make it. But I think sometimes we can ask God to help us and He will.” – And I am quite excited to see how her faith/ loss of faith changes her perceptions in the later books.

5.) Astrid’s Role in The Book - For the most part, Astrid has three main roles in this book:

- To act as LP’s protector

-To act as a source of plot-relevant and world building information to the reader

-To be Sam’s main motivation is becoming the leader

And this, in my opinion, is a phenomenal waste. Astrid was the perfect candidate for the leader of the FAYZ, and giving the role to Sam made no sense?? I think what Michael was trying to do was suggest that Sam had to be the leader instead of Astrid because, while Astrid is the intelligent one who knows how to work people, Sam is the one who people look to when things go wrong. (Think of Katniss and Peeta’s dynamic in The Hunger Games). But, it just doesn’t work. For one, we know that what the people of Perdido Beach think has very little effect on leadership. There was no uproar when Caine took over. Were people scared and upset?? Yes. Did they run to Sam’s aid and rebel against Caine?? No. So why should it matter whether they prefer Sam to Astrid – Sam could still be the hero without being the leader. In fact, I think it would have made both characters so much better if this was the case. Also we know that in times of crisis, people DO look to Astrid. Albert’s cat anyone?? Furthermore, Astrid’s ability to use her intellect to play on people’s emotions is a much better match for Caine’s easy charm than Sam with his flame throwers. I mean please. Astrid has a cool and intimidating exterior that actually hides a well of deep emotions that she can pull from and use to manipulate people into doing things they never thought they were capable of (we mostly see this work with Sam in this book during the fire, chapter 4, and the first time he controls his powers, chapter 28). Caine has an easy going and charming exterior that hides his lack of empathy, allowing him to use people for his own gain as he sees them as expendable. They are such PERFECTLY MATCHED OPPOSITES. But no. Michael wanted the leader to be Sam because?? Fire?? Ugh. Even when the question of who will take over if Sam poofs comes up in chapter 40, NOBODY EVEN MENTIONS HER. Astrid suggests that Edilio takes over and that’s that. (With that being said I do find it interesting that Astrid basically chose both the leader AND the backup leader but still. Let her live up to her full potential Michael.)

I think I’ve pretty much covered the first two bullet points in other sections but I’ll just quickly mention her part in Sam becoming the leader. It’s very clear from the fire onwards that Sam being in charge is Astrid’s main goal. Is this so that Sam can protect her?? Maybe. Idk. But it kind of frustrates me that she is broken down into Sam’s love interest towards the end, rather than coming into her own role. We are constantly shown that she is the main reason that Sam is becoming the leader, and this is even explicitly stated when Sam tells his mother/the gaiphage that he has “someone I have to stay here for” – chapter 46. I think the book should have ended with Astrid taking on her own role (as the leader obvs but I would have settled for something smaller or, you know, ANYTHING), instead of her just becoming Caine’s human shield. I do have more to say on this topic but I feel like it falls more into the relationship category so I’ll leave that for a later post.

And I’m not even going to talk about her powers past saying: what was the reason?? As far as I can gather Michael wanted a reason for Astrid being so insistent about Sam taking on the role of leader and so gave her a weird power and then decided hmm no.

Thank you so much for reading and I would love to hear all of your thoughts on Astrid. I think I’m going to do Caine next but who knows.

#the gone series #astrid ellison #Gone

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candlelight27 · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 4: I Am Finally Me

Summary: Sylvain has been ignoring you since you met him. You had been in love with him since you met him. College is about to offer you a fresh start. New academic year, new life. You were ready to forget him. But fate seems to have other plans… (COLLEGE AU)

Series: Seeking Your Warmth If Only For A Day

Warnings: Lots of talking, discussion about death and wounds in a war context, mild gore? (blood is mentioned)

Pairings: Sylvain Jose Gautier x Female Reader

Word Count: 4267

AO3: I Am Finally Me

A/N: We have a beta reader!!! It’s @galamixx !! Thank you so much for being the beta reader and editor!!

Dimitri and Sylvain had accompanied you to your apartment on your way back from the party.

Of course, after hearing all the ruckus and inquiring what had happened, Dimitri wanted to make sure you arrived home safely. Being the gentleman he is, he offered you a ride home. You tried to deny his proposition out of politeness, but he was insistent. Besides, he was one of the few people who hadn’t drunk anything and, in that moment, not having to walk home was the most attractive option. You were exhausted and the only thing you wanted was lying down on your bed.

There was a downside: he lived with Sylvain, so Sylvain was coming along. It wasn’t itself a bad thing, but you had the impression that fate was setting you both up all the time.

You sat on the co-pilot seat, while Dimitri was driving, and Sylvain was on the back. You looked at Dimitri, but he couldn’t see you because you were on his eyepatch’s side. Silence settled in the car despite the distant chatter of the radio. You were dizzy and drowsy. It was hard not to fall asleep right there.

Sylvain’s breath, steady, a sweet lullaby you focused on. Dimitri said something to Sylvain, starting a mindless conversation about domestic chores. Grocery shopping, cleaning the toilet...

Something poked your head from behind. You turned around to ask the red head what he wanted. But before you could open your mouth, he caressed your cheek affectionately. His hand was warm, and his fingers were soft as he traced the line of your jaw. He then kept talking as if nothing had happened, and you tried to concentrate on the streetlamps passing by.

He really was something else, wasn’t he?

You arrived shortly after. Dimitri double parked and waited inside the car, while Sylvain left the warmth of it to take you to the door of your apartment.

“Thank you, Dimitri.”

“It was nothing. Good night!” He waved at you.

You felt the cold breeze blowing on your face and on your legs during the short space between the vehicle and the building.

“Why don’t we talk tomorrow over some tea?” Sylvain suggested out of the blue. He was feigning nonchalance.

“Are you still brooding over tomorrow?”, you teased tiredly, opening the outer door.

“We hadn’t settled a place or a time.” He hummed. “I don’t want you to sleep over and bail out.”

“You’re turning our serious talk into a date? How sneaky of you!”

“Is it working?”, he laughed as he went up the stairs before you.

“You’re incorrigible.”

You used your key to enter your apartment, but it wasn’t locked. It annoyed you because you thought Ingrid was still out partying somewhere in Hilda’s home. As you went in, you heard some giggling and whispering. You stopped Sylvain from coming in, evaluating the living room and the hall.

“Isn’t that the plastic sword Ashe had?”, he asked, his voice low, noticing something was amiss.

“I can’t believe it”, you covered your mouth to prevent a laugh.

“Ashe and Ingrid? What has university done to my innocent friends?” Sylvain looked almost offended. “What’s next? Manuela and Seteth?”

“Never say never”, you shrugged. “Dorothea could say the same about you and me.”

“Well, yes… I hadn’t thought about that.” Sylvain scratched the back of his neck. He was standing in your lobby, looking uneasy. “Will you be able to sleep with the lovey-dovey lovers here?”

“I have earplugs in case they can’t contain their love”, you grimaced. He felt embarrassed as he was losing time just to be with you, moving his weight from one foot to the other and diverting his gaze, hoping he’d come up with something else to justify his presence there. “See you tomorrow then?”, he said at last, as though his body didn’t want to leave your side.

“Over tea. At 12?”, you suggested.

“Yes. Well, goodbye.”

“See you tomorrow, Sylvain.”

He disappeared into the darkness of the hall. You went straight to your bed, without sparing a second thought to anyone else’s business. You had a lot to think about yourself and needed a good rest.

The next morning your head was foggy. The events of the previous night slowly came back to your mind while stretching your arms. It turned out, as you looked at the clock, that you had woken up way too early. The small hand of the clock marked the number nine. You practically jumped out of bed still in last night’s clothes and went around the apartment. Ingrid wasn’t up yet, but Ashe’s things weren’t there, so he must have left in the middle of the night.

You headed to the shower, rushed without reason. Under the hot water, you closed your eyes. You remembered his warm hand the night before, and the feel of his touch. It was familiar. You had grabbed his hand before, right? But the memory changed all of a sudden. An image flashed, Sylvain caressing your cheek, but you both were standing somewhere else.

It was a battlefield, filled with corpses. Professor Byleth and Dimitri were by your side. All you were tainted by blood: your clothes, your weapons, your hair. But there was an odd silence, a distant cheer. Sylvain, not letting you go, touched your forehead with his and whispered: ‘it’s over. At last, it’s over.” And he repeated your name like a chant.

You fell backwards, landing on your bottom. You didn’t hurt yourself, thankfully. Then, you got up, dried with a towel and put on some clothes.

When you stopped for a moment, you felt that your heart was out of control, beating in a frenzied rhythm. It was 9:23, you weren’t late to your date. You breathed in.

But your body wouldn’t calm down.

You were supposed to be wasted from the party, but if you had drunk three cups of coffee – which you hadn’t, and needn’t at the moment –, you wouldn’t have felt more awake and alarmed. There was something else inside of you trying to resurface, yet it reached the light.

You 09:24: Can we meet earlier?

Would Sylvain be up yet? You hoped so. And deep down, you knew he was reading the message.

Sylvain 09:25: Yes. Pls.

Sylvain 09:25: The wait is killing me.

Sylvain 09:25: [Photograph attached]

You took a deep breath, relieved that he was as restless as you.

You 09:26: I hope it’s not a dick picture.

Sylvain 09:27: I charge for those, sorry.

You opened the file. It was Sylvain, with a scarf, a coat and a backpack, walking around a park near the café you were going to meet him in. His nose was red, his eyes puffy from not sleeping too much, and in a bad way.

You 09:28: How long have you been up?

You 09:28: Let’s meet now

Sylvain 09:29: I woke up at 8

Sylvain 09:30: I couldn’t sleep anymore

Sylvain 09:30: Oh, eager, are we? 😉

You 09:30: …

You 09:30: I’m on my way.

You grabbed your own coat and went out. Sylvain was acting weird, but you guessed that what he was about to reveal was putting his nerves on edge.

You realised halfway to your meeting point that you had forgotten your keys. That’s how disconnected you were from your surroundings. Your head was cluttered. Where had all this come from? There was something else on the back of your mind, right on the tip of your tongue, that you couldn’t exactly take out, but you couldn’t remember what it was, It was unnerving. And the more you thought about Sylvain, the more those visions tried to surface, yet they couldn’t appear yet.

Thankfully, the café wasn’t far from your home and you arrived in less than ten minutes. It was a cold day, and there was hardly anyone in the street.

You didn’t bother looking around for Sylvain. You just knew he was inside of the place, so you opened the door ringing the small bell attached to it. A waiter with purple hair and well-done makeup wished you a good morning. After a quick glance around the local, you found Sylvain on a secluded corner, who was distractedly looking at his own drink and hadn’t realised you had arrived.

“Hi!”, you greeted nervously.

He smiled warmly. He was drinking a bergamot tea and on the opposite side of the table, your own favourite kind awaited you. You felt your heart melt, but then you realised another thing.

“Thank you, but how did you know my favourite kind of drink?”, you tilted your head. “Did Ingrid or Dorothea tell-?”

“Honestly, I didn’t know it.” He sighed. “I only knew from a dream.”

You blinked while he shrugged. He was waiting for you to talk.

“Excuse me?”

“Let me explain myself.” His tone was so serious, it sent a chill to your spine.

“Sure.”

“Okay…” He inhaled deeply. You were so curious about his secrecy. Unconsciously, you were leaning over on the edge of your chair in anticipation. He wasn’t looking at you, his eyes were fixed on his hands, which were holding the warm drink. “Before I begin, I want to warn you first. Felix thought I was going crazy for a month. He still doesn’t believe me, I just stopped talking about it and… well, haven’t talked to anyone about this ever since.”

“Sylvain, I don’t need a warning, I need you to tell me what’s happening.”

“Yes, right.” He finally gazed at you. “I must ask something first. Have you had any nightmares or dreams recently? About the people we went with to Garreg Mach High School.”

Your heart beat faster and stronger hearing that. You had one just before breakfast, and you weren’t even asleep.

“Yes. I’ve had nightmares. About… Miklan. He transformed into a huge, beastly monster. And you were there, right next to me. And Professor Byleth. And many other students. Well, the others changed… Sometimes they were Annette, Dimitri and Felix, sometimes they were Hilda, Raphael and Claude.” You gulped for a moment. “When we were in the library…” Sylvain was watching you intently.

“Yes?”

“My chest hurt. That night, I dreamt someone had pierced me with a spear. It was horrible…” You paused to ease yourself. “I could feel the blood running down my stomach, and… the coldness flowing from the wound. I felt I was dying.”

“Did you know who hurt you?” Your hair stood on end. You didn’t answer. You were too afraid to speak because you, too, knew who it was. Sylvain sensed it. “It was me, right?” You nodded slowly, studying his movements. “I’ve dreamt that too. It was the main reason why I ignored you all those years.”

“Really?”, you frowned. “For a dream? It was not pleasant, but…”

“Well, imagine my situation,” he explained, “Ingrid has a cute new friend and the first time I see you I keep dreaming that I’m stabbing you with a fucking spear.” You giggled at his perspective. He wasn’t wrong. “I had the same nightmare on a loop for a week, so I convinced myself it was a signal to leave you alone. It did really freak me out.”

“And here I thought you hated me”, you made a funny face. “Why did you so suddenly change your opinion and started talking to me, then?”

“I wanted to pass the subject. Hard to do a project without speaking to your partner,” he replied, and you raised your eyebrows.

“Sylvain, weren’t you going to be honest?”

“Ah, this is going to be awkward,” he moved his hands around, not sure about where to let them rest. You could see he was uneasy again. “From then on I had a lot of dreams about you. We would spar together, sneak out of Byleth’s lessons… and we went through a war together. It was like we were the main characters of one of those romance novels of knights that Ingrid loves.” He looked at you shyly. Sylvain took a deep breath, and rushed the next part of his speech, hoping you wouldn’t pay it a lot of attention, considering all he had already said. “I feel like I’ve loved you for a hundred of years, and I can’t deny it anymore.”

You took your time processing all the information and taking it in. “Are you weirded out yet?” He asked, flashing you an apologetic smile.

“No, no. I’m just… amazed that we’re connected in that way.” You took a long sip from your warm drink. “All you tell me sounds familiar, yet I can’t remember. I’ve always had a little crush-”

“Little?” He winked. The redhead knew perfectly how to disarm you.

“Yes, little!” You rolled your eyes. “I didn’t know why, but it was as if I knew you all my life, and all my emotions just got stronger with time. And the more people we dated – it was mainly you dating people, but you understand me – the more I felt a piece of me was missing.”

“So you believe me and acknowledge that there are things out of place here, right?”

“Yes.” Another chill ran through your spine.

“Okay, so I’ve been talking to other people. And they had nightmares or plain dreams in a similar setting. A long time ago, with magic and wars. And it affects all of those who have something to do with Garreg Mach High School.”

“Once, Bernadetta hid in the bathroom crying because she thought she had murdered Ingrid,” you told him, as you remembered the strange occurrences of your high school days. “Edelgard and I were really disturbed all day because… well, why would she even think of that?”

“See? My theory is…” Sylvain interrupted himself. He was sure you were going to question his sanity, but he had to tell you. He knew he could count on you. Even if it turned out he was really going insane, you’d help him find a solution. Even if you’d barely ever talked two months before that moment, Sylvain trusted you. “My theory is that we’ve all lived that and that we have been reincarnated in this world somehow. But they couldn’t erase all the memories because our bonds once were very strong.” He couldn’t stop now. “And I think that we have lived in that world multiple times. Otherwise, the timelines don’t make sense.”

“What do you mean?”

“I killed you. Do you know where?”

“In Gronder,” you answer automatically. “Although I don’t know where that is, I just know the name…”

“It’s a field on the way to Garreg Mach from the south.” He shook his head to clear his thoughts. “That isn’t important, though. The thing is, I have other memories. I recall you calling me with an axe in Deirdru while I was trying to attack Claude. And I can also perfectly remember your face when you- when I- Ugh, when we got married. And we were way older.”

“We got married?” you said astonishingly.

“That’s not my point, but yes. Remember we also murder each other? It’s quite fucked up.”

“This morning… It wasn’t a dream, I was in the shower and it just came to my mind. The war ended, we were with Dimitri and Byleth. And both of us were alive.” Sylvain nodded at your words. He wasn’t surprised. You supposed Sylvain had other visions outside dreams too. You pitied him for all the years he went through this alone.

“Although, there are other occurrences that don’t change between the timelines. Glenn always ends up dying. So does Byleth’s father, and Dimitri’s family too. So far – well, you already know this – they are alive right now, but I’m scared that…'' He couldn’t end the sentence.

“Why would we be in a loop of events that change but always involve us and our friends?” You questioned out loud.

“I wish I knew. As I wish I knew why I’m the one having all these dreams while the rest looks like they know nothing of this madness.”

“You are very touchy-feely, maybe that’s why”, you suggested trying to lift the mood. Suddenly something dawned on you. “Oh... My dreams became more vivid when you touched me.”

“Fuck. I suppose that makes sense. It feels like it’s a divine punishment for my antics”, he dedicated you with a sad smile.

There was tension in the air. Sylvain bit his lip and looked everywhere else but you. You, on the other hand, were as confused as ever, your gaze blank. Your train of thought was a mess. Sylvain was right. The things he said made sense. But at the same time, it was impossible that something like that was happening to you. Surely, you would have noticed. Everyone would have noticed that something was wrong.

“What do you think?”, he finally dared to ask. “Do you believe me for real?”

“I do. But… It’s just too implausible. There has to be another explanation.”

“Then help me find it,” he said. His voice trembled.

“I’m going to. We’re going to find out what’s happening.” You took his nervous hand. “I promise.”

His phone started ringing. He cursed and took it from the pocket of his jeans. His frown deepened as he read the name of the person calling.

“Shit. It’s Felix. I gotta pick it up, he never calls so this must be an emergency.”

“Yes, go on,” you said.

You watched his body language carefully. Sylvain’s theory was madness, as he put it, but it somehow explained all the weird things that were happening to you lately. And something within you told you to believe him. How else were you going to understand what was happening?

Sylvain’s face was alarmed, so you paid attention to his conversation.

“What? A car crash? Where are you?” He started gathering his things on his bag while holding his phone between his shoulder and cheek. “Just Glenn? You’re ok? I’m going to the hospital, Felix.” Sylvain hung up the phone quickly before gathering his things, rushing to leave the café.

“Is Glenn…?” You didn’t want to pronounce the word. The tension was palpable.

“No. He’s alive. Although…” He stood up, worry in his voice. “Can you come with me?”

“Yes”, you agreed. This had to be a shock to him, not only because of other worlds and wars, but because they’ve been friends forever. “I don’t know if Felix would like me there, thought…”

“I need you with me. Please.” His voice was growing sore, almost cracking from fear.

“Of course.”

He grabbed you by your hand and he led you to his car. You sat on the right seat while he started the engine urgently. He didn’t lose any time and headed for the hospital where Glenn was. Judging by the direction, it was Seiros’ Clinic.

“If Glenn dies, does that mean everything else is going to happen too?” You asked, still considering all the possibilities. A war was not probable. But you never knew what could happen.

“I wish I knew.”

“That’s why you are so scared?”, you pressed.

“In part, yes.”

“What else worries you?”

“That you think I’m crazy and never talk to me again.” He focused on the road, resisting the need to look at you.

“Well, you needn’t worry about that. That much I can assure you.”

Sylvain didn’t answer. Instead, he squeezed the wheel. You looked at him through the rear-view mirror. His eyes were red, but your words had soothed him, so you didn’t say anything else until you arrived, letting him think about everything.

The halls of the hospital were coloured with white and a sickly pale green. Everything smelled like disinfectant. You walked aimlessly along the places you were allowed to roam until you found Felix. He was a total disaster, with his hair out of place, his expression of pain. You wished you could do something, but you knew Felix didn’t exactly like strangers meddling in his business.

He greeted both of you dryly with a nod.

“How is he?” questioned Sylvain, hiding his consternation. Still, his worry showed through his lack of greeting back to Felix, as he was more concerned for Glenn’s wellbeing.

“He’s in an induced coma. But he’s fine. His vitals are stable now. The doctors said that was a good sign.” Sylvain let out a relieved breath at Felix’ words. He looked at you, then back at his old friend.

“That’s good, Felix.”

“There are going to be long term consequences, though.” Felix’s eyes went to the floor. “That useless motherfucker,” he muttered, hiding his emotions by masking it with fake disgust.

A small nurse with long green hair emerged from the room. Her face rang a bell.

“I apologize for not introducing myself properly before,” She addressed Felix. “You may call me Flayn. I’ll be the nurse attending to your brother Glenn from now on.” Felix simply nodded, unimpressed, muttering a ‘nice to meet you’ under his breath. “Mind coming with me, Felix?” Her shade of green hair reminds you of your professor’s.

Felix left both of you with a gesture of his hand. Sylvain sat on an uncomfortable plastic chair, of a green darker than the ones in the walls, and you let yourself rest on a seat beside him. You thought of the nurses’ face. Her name. You repeated it to yourself.

“Flayn!” You suddenly exclaimed. Sylvain tilted his head. “The nurse’s name was Flayn.”

“Yes. She said that was her name.” He furrowed his brow. “What’s with it?”

“Felix doesn’t know her?” You asked, surprised. “She’s Seteth’s sister. Or daughter. She was in school with us, right? And yet, Felix doesn’t know her.”

“Neither do you.”

“I do-!” You began, before being cut off by the sound of a door opening. Instinctively, you turned your head to the source of the noise.

Out comes Flayn, gently, letting out a sigh before she uttered some words in a low tone. Had you kept talking, or had some external noise passed from the outside, and you wouldn’t have heard what she said.

But you did, as clear as water.

Thank the Goddess he hasn’t died again.”

Your stomach turned. Sylvain’s theory was starting to finally sink in. You had believed him before, but such a convincing affirmation of his suspicions was disheartening. Why was everything happening? Why did it have to be you and Sylvain the ones who remembered those things? And did Flayn also have those dreams, or did she already know what was happening?

Your hands were shaking.

“Hello, Flayn.” Sylvain stood up to greet the girl with a handshake. “Thank you for treating Glenn and Felix so kindly.”

“It is simply my duty,” She smiled. “No need to thank me.”

“Have we met before?” He asked. From your perspective, you could see that he was feigning innocence, but you knew that he was just as curious about Flayn’s knowledge as you were. You couldn’t articulate any sound, so you just paid attention to them from your seat.

“That’s impossible!” She exclaimed with nervousness, but she calmed down instantly. “I lived in the west of the continent with my family until this year. I moved here a few months ago to live with my brother. Therefore, it’s impossible we have met before unless you’ve gone on a trip there.”

“That must be it!” Sylvain lied effortlessly. “Would Seteth happen to be your brother?” Flayn nodded. Sylvain continued. “That’s why you’re so familiar! He was our teacher in high school, and mentioned you a couple of times.” He turned to you, beckoning to help him with the conversation.

“Yes, Seteth cares about you deeply,” You added without any emotion. You gave Sylvain credit for being able to pull off ignorance so easily.

“I didn’t expect to find you here – you share his striking image.” Sylvain said nonchalantly with a wink. Of course.

“I see! Oh, you confused me for a moment,” She said sweetly, attempting to laugh off her alarm. “Now, I must go and get some supplies, so excuse me for a while. There are more sanitary personnel inside with Felix if you happen to have any questions.” You pondered to yourself for a fleeting second. Her speech patterns were peculiar. It was professional, yes, but it had a certain charm to it that other staff didn’t. You felt as though her and her politeness was speaking through a fairy tale.

Flayn went away calmly and disappeared down the hall, quite pleased with herself. When you couldn’t see her, you groaned, burying your face in your hands while falling back on the chair.

“We’re fucked, Sylvain.” You uttered without regard if Flayn could hear you or not. Sylvain sat next to you again.

“I know this is a very insensitive thing to say, but I’m very happy that you’re freaking out. I feel less alone this way. It brings me comfort knowing we’re in this together.” He rubbed your back and you couldn’t help but laugh. What a mess you were in.

“What can we do now?” You asked him, as if he had all the answers in this world.

“I tried to ignore it, but it’s impossible.” He sounded defeated. “I feel like someone is controlling us and I hate it.”

“Then why don’t we investigate?” You suggested. Sylvain processed your words for a moment, then nodded slowly, agreeing. It seemed like the most logical step right then. He gave you a reassuring smile before moving on, moving his hand to pat your shoulder.

“Alright then. Let’s start with the library.”

#sylvain jose gautier x reader #sylvain x reader #sylvain gautier #sylvain jose gautier #Fire Emblem Three Houses #fire emblem three houses fanfiction #fe3h fanfiction #sylvain x female reader #female reader

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umbry-fic · 3 years ago

Text

On the Matter of Ears

Summary: Colette didn't always grow her hair out this long.

Fandom: Tales of Symphonia, Tales of Crestoria Characters: Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel, Lutesse, Genis Sage, Arche Klein Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel & Lloyd Irving, Colette Brunel & Lutesse Rating: T Word Count: 2756 Mirror Link: AO3 Original Post Date: 26/06/2021

Notes+Warnings: Spoilers for the entirety of Lloyd's side story in Crestoria! Don't read this if you don't want to be spoiled!!

This goes into expanding some of the concepts the side story introduces and their possible implications.

~~~

"You need to start hiding these ears, Chosen," Lutesse said, tugging hard at the pointed ends of Colette's ears. It hurt, but Colette did not pull away, for she knew from experience that that would only warrant further punishment. Besides, it's not as if she wasn't used to it. "Maybe consider growing your hair out?" the elf suggested, rubbing at the ends of the golden hair that fell to the middle of Colette's neck, tucked behind her ears.

"But none of the other elves in the village have to hide their ears..."

The protest fell from her lips before Colette could stop it. She clapped her hands over her mouth, expecting a tirade of stabbing words to spill out of the chief's mouth.

Thankfully, it appeared Lutesse was in a gracious mood today, for she didn’t raise her voice into a thunderous scream as she usually did whenever Colette showed signs of impertinence. She only continued calmly speaking.

"All the elves who leave this village, no matter for what purpose, have to cover their ears. Your case is no different. Hiding them will help you escape the detection of any humans you come across on your journey, such that you may succeed in bringing glory to us instead of being hindered by those idiotic buffoons."

Absent from Lutesse’s face was the kind smile she presented in public. Instead, there was a small frown on her face and a furrow in her brow, a familiar expression that struck fear into Colette’s heart, for it heralded much worse. “And you’re not an elf, Chosen, even if you look like one.” Lutesse’s voice dropped into a dangerous snarl as she broke her regal posture to lean closer to Colette. Colette froze, heart stuttering in her chest as she resisted her urge to back away. “Pray do remember that you were given the honour of resembling our perfect forms, but that you’re nowhere close to it. You’re not even a half-elf,” Lutesse spat, venom dripping from the last word like it was a curse. “Understood?”

"Y - yes, Chief Lutesse… Crystal clear..." Colette whispered in reply, bowing her head and hoping that would be enough to appease Lutesse.

"And are you not tired of Lloyd pulling at your ears? Covering them will most likely solve that."

"I think that'd just invite Lloyd to pull my hair instead." Colette smiled weakly, heart swelling in envy at the faint tinge of fondness she could hear in Lutesse’s voice when she brought up Lloyd. There was no trace of that whenever Lutesse looked at her. There was nothing but cold detachment, one that translated into the way Lutesse touched her, like she was handling an object instead of a living, breathing person with dreams and desires. For a tool that was only useful for a singular purpose did not deserve love, only to be beaten back into shape with no care as to whether it would shatter, for any break could be mended.

"No matter. Start growing your hair out, Chosen. I expect to see it at your shoulders by the end of the year."

Lutesse walked out the doorway, ending the conversation with the unspoken "or else" choking the room.

Colette remained in the middle of the room, staring down at her shaking hands as tears rolled down her face. She was safe to cry, now that no one was here to witness it.

Moulded in the shape of an elf, but yet not one, forever lesser than one… Then what was she? Who was she?

~~~

When Lloyd finally awakened after his horrifying fall from the cliff, he never commented on her ears again. He used to tease her about their shape, sneak up from behind and pull on them until she flinched away. Even though the elves who trained her recommended that she stay away from him to prevent the bullying, she couldn't help but ignore that advice.

For there seemed to be so much pain in those russet eyes, even as he teased her relentlessly. She’d even caught Lloyd sneaking out at night multiple times to do nothing but lie atop the grassy hill and stare up at the skies, tears leaking out from the corners of his eyes. Longing for something that had been lost, perhaps his parents? She could empathise with that, the desire to be loved, to have a family.

There had to be more to Lloyd that he was hiding for some reason she couldn't glean, and she wanted to help soothe that pain she could see, in whatever way she could.

She didn't even mind the bullying all that much. It paled in comparison to the worst that Lutesse had put her through. And even if Lloyd treated her meanly, he was the only one of the children who dared to approach her, the rest shying away from the Chosen. It certainly wasn't normal, but it was the closest she was going to get to it.

And it was her fault that he’d gone over the cliff in the first place.

But when he awoke, those russet eyes snapping open to meet her worried, tear-filled blue ones, he'd forgotten everything. The way he'd treated her before, the shape of her ears that were now covered by the hair that reached her shoulders, her name, all of it. It became a fresh start, their new first meeting, and yet it felt like she was finally meeting the boy hidden away behind the front, the true Lloyd.

And what an incredible person that was. Lloyd treated her as if she was just like him. A child, a friend, a person. Maybe he didn't even realise that she wasn't human like him. Perhaps the fact that he was the only human in this village had slipped his mind, despite Lutesse stating it at least once a week, for that was just like Lloyd. Or perhaps he simply didn't care. She didn't need to know, for all she did know was that it made her heart soar. His presence made her feel so comforted, let her know that someone appreciated her for just being her. Helped her forget that… she wasn’t a person at all. And that was all that mattered.

Watching the way his eyes shined in wonder and a smile broke on his face as she revealed her wings before the Great Pasca Tree filled her with joy - that she could elicit happiness in the boy that had been the first to treat her as a person, the boy that she had fallen in love with.

But it would all have to end someday, right? What would happen once she fulfilled her purpose? Without mana, Lloyd would…

She didn't want that! Lloyd was a human, and Genis was a half-elf, but they were both so precious to her. Even Raine! They were all good people! And surely there was good to be found, even in those who lived outside the village. One just needed to look for it, to work for it!

But arguing with Lutesse proved futile, ending only with a stinging cheek and pooling tears, the line she always ended the argument with remaining in Colette's mind, like a poison that couldn't be purged.

"This was the sole purpose you were born for, Chosen. Without it, you are nothing. Worthless. Do you think your oh-so-precious friends would spare you a second glance if you weren't the Chosen? How about if we made another one of you? Would they even realise you’d been replaced? Or would they just continue on their merry day as if nothing has changed?"

Colette wanted to believe that Lutesse was wrong - that her friends would notice that something was up immediately, that they would know that she had disappeared. But the same doubts continued to plague her.

What made her… her, other than the fact that she’d been created by the elves?

Nothing...

It didn’t matter. If she chose to fulfil her purpose, or abandon it. Once she was no longer useful… Then it would be time for her to be thrown away, as any defective tool would be.

~~~

The outside world proved to be more magical than Colette could have thought possible, once she was finally allowed to step foot outside on the guise of the journey to tune the Great Trees. A journey that exposed her to so much and one that she wished could go on forever.

The flora and the fauna... All the people, the towns, the culture... It was all so colourful and exciting. Sure, it wasn't perfect - Arche shouldn't have been treated the way she was, and sometimes people could be petty and hurt each other, stabbing daggers into each other’s backs. But it was a work in progress, just like everything was. Much like the Elven Village had many areas that it could improve in, despite Lutesse and the other Elders harping on about its perfection. The world was imperfect, and that was made it beautiful and worth protecting.

Her desire to go against her assigned purpose was only further cemented, as she decided that she would do the same at the other trees as she had at the first. She would not go against the wishes of the trees themselves - to see this world continue to grow - for forcing the trees to destroy the people they loved seemed like the cruellest form of torture, one she did not want to wish on anyone. She would not let the selfish desires of others drive her, would not let herself become a vessel for the elves to carry out their egotistical destruction. She would not create a world where her friends, where Lloyd, was not allowed to live.

But she wondered how the people in the towns would treat her if they could see her ears, the physical characteristic that marked her as one of the elve's creations and the one thing she couldn't run away from. They treated her like a human right now, but her ears continued to burn under her hair. She knew she was just doing the same thing as Genis, but it still felt like she was lying about who she was - just another lie to add to the mountains that had left her mouth. The knowledge that she could never be normal, that she would never be able to fit in anywhere, writhed in her mind.

She supposed it didn’t matter. The path she had chosen to take would one day catch up with her. Lutesse would not let her off scot-free. Perhaps there was nothing she could do to stop Lutesse from replacing her with just another Chosen, but she would achieve all she could now.

Even if she was to be derided as a failure, even if she was to be abandoned and forgotten, even if she was to be punished for her transgressions and doomed to fade away into nothing more than dust…

She would work towards a world where her friends could smile. That was enough.

~~~

When Colette awakened in the middle of the volcano, with lava roaring around her and Lutesse’s contemptuous gaze trained on her, all she’s focussed on is Lloyd’s voice. The voice that she had grasped onto in the darkness, the rope that was extended to her and that had pulled her out.

She leapt into his arms without a second thought, hanging onto his words and the hope it gave her, the light that burned away the guilt that flooded her.

His hands ran through her hair as he continued to whisper in her ear that he wanted to stay with her, and do his utmost to grant her wish.

It was only when she walked out into daylight and fresh air again that the realisation hit her, with Lloyd’s hand gripped tightly in hers and her friends smiling faces surrounding her.

She was free, free to release herself from the title of Chosen. But… to do what, and to be who?

~~~

"I don't like my ears much," Colette whispered, removing the comb from her hair and setting it down on the nightstand, raising a hand to play at the locks that fell to the middle of her back, her right ear poking out of the golden veil. She didn't know what prompted her to speak up in the silence of the inn room, to finally blurt out a secret that had been securely locked in her heart for more than a decade. Only that she knew it was safe to say whatever it is she wanted, for the only one here to hear her was Lloyd, and she believed that he would always protect her.

"Really?" Lloyd replied, coming up behind her and running a finger over the shell of her ear, making her shudder from the sensation. He's so incredibly gentle, so different from all the other times Lutesse had forcefully tugged at her ears to punish her. She shouldn't need to recall those memories anymore, but she was helpless against them crawling back into the forefront of her mind. "I think they're beautiful."

"Thank you." Colette couldn't help the flush that filled her cheeks from the compliment Lloyd had paid her. "But... it marks me as Chosen, doesn’t it? It means I'm not human. I'm not an elf or a half-elf either. So... What am I? Where do I belong? What purpose do I have?"

Even now that she was free to journey together with her friends for however long she wanted, she was still plagued with the same fetters that dragged her down, screaming questions into a void that did nothing but echo her voice back at her.

"Hm..." Lloyd wrapped his arms around her from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder. A comforting presence, one that chased away all her nightmares. "You're just you - Colette. And that’s special. I promised to make a world where everyone can be happy and free. That includes you, and I promise I will keep going until you learn to smile freely. No one gets to answer those questions but you. And if you don't have the answers right now, then we can find it together. We have all the time in the world."

"Thank you..."

His hand came up, wiping away the tears that he somehow knew would spill over, as she placed her hand over his, interlocking their fingers. She let her eyes flutter shut in the comforting silence, knowing that she might already had her answer, even if she didn't have the courage to speak it yet.

That the place she belonged was right here, by Lloyd's side, fighting for his beautiful dream that she also believed in.

~~~

Maybe it's not that much of a surprise that the first place Lloyd kissed her was on the tip of her ears. It was just like him, to shower her with love, especially the part of her that she despised. In hopes that, maybe, she could one day accept herself.

It becomes his favourite place to kiss, over and over again, each time causing her to drop whatever she was holding, blushing. Always so tender. Ticklish, but filling her heart with a warm joy, and instilling her with the confidence to keep going.

~~~

Snip. Snip.

Colette watched the golden locks fall to the floor, calmly placing the scissors on wood.

There. Done.

Her beaming face was reflected in the mirror, her hair now a satisfying length that ended at her chin.

"Colette! Are you ready?" Lloyd's voice came through the thick wooden door, muffled and accompanied by knocking.

"Yep!" Colette replied, skipping over to the door and pulling it open.

"Oh! Oh, wow..."

Lloyd appeared dumbstruck as he stared at her new haircut, bringing up a hand to stroke the ears that were now exposed. Colette leaned into his touch, giggling.

"I was tired of hiding. So... How do I look?"

"You look incredible," Lloyd whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead as he took her hand in his. "Absolutely incredible.

"Shall we go, then?" she prompted, squeezing his hand. “I’m sure Genis and Arche are waiting.”

"We should. Before Genis starts making us do all the chores again for being late..."

The two of them walked down the corridor, laughing at what the other said, prepared to face another day.

~~~

Thank you, Lloyd. For always treating me as a person, one that loved and could be loved.

Thank you, for giving me the courage to just be me, and to find my own place in this world.

#tales of symphonia #tales of crestoria #colloyd #lloyd irving #colette brunel #genis sage #arche klein #lloyd side story #lutesse #fanfiction #one shot

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shadow-scenarios · 4 years ago

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Omggg how you wrote out my request certainly surprised me but I totally enjoyed what you did with it!! And you said that you'd love to write a second part? Well, may I perhaps request that? 👀👀 (P.S.: I'm really relieved that you liked the idea haha, I've been sitting on it for awhile)

Hey again, simulationone!! I’m happy you like the direction I look it in. I was going to have the Reader become Akechi’s Navigator but I think that was a better direction to take it. Also, I tried a different style with this one, so I hope you like it!!

I loved the idea, it was so unique! If you have anything else that you want to request, you’re more than welcome to. By the way, this is suuuper angsty. If you don’t like that kind of thing, skip this post!!

Link to Part 1 here!!

- Nexus.

Trigger Warning: Major Character Death ;; Blood ;; Violence ;; Injuries ;; Swearing

Dance With Justice [2] | Goro Akechi

Perhaps there was a reality where she never had to hurt anyone. A world in which the Phantom Thieves never existed & justice was never an issue. Everyone could simply be happy without any concerns. However, thus was not her current fate.

This was never supposed to happen. She was going to die here, stuck in Mementos until she bled out.

{ Sat, 23 / 10 / 20XX }

Akechi had laid the plan out to her on this day: He had been given an opportunity to meet with the Phantom Thieves at the Shujin Academy. In particular, there was a panel in which a Q&A style show was being held. All they had to do was attend & imply they knew the identities of the Phantom Thieves before he ‘ inconveniently received a phone call ’. Afterwards, the group would be forcibly assembled in the Faculty Room & there they would unfurl the evidence. The photos the both of them had gathered & the video of them disappearing into the Metaverse.

As a result, they would be forced to stop committing their crimes after they took down the Palace of one individual in particular: Sae Niijima. He did admit that he was afraid for the life of his colleague because she was investigating the Phantom Thieves. If they were the perpetrators behind the metal shutdowns, she might be targeted next because she was seen as a threat.

However, there was one thing they were not to be informed about. The additional plan to arrest their leader as a warning of sorts. Additional police forces were to be sent out into the Metaverse & they would corner him when he was alone. It was quite simple but effective. All they had to do was cooperate with them.

This was all communicated to her over lunch in the school rooftop & she nodded, steeling her resolve.

{ Wed, 26 / 10 / 20XX }

Alas, the school festival came too quickly. The first day was ‘ unimportant ’, according to Akechi { although he did look rather embarrassed when she asked what happened with the Phantom Thieves... }.

It was about 20 minutes before the panel was due to start & she had already taken a seat somewhere near the centre. People were already gathered at this point because the Famous Ace Detective: Goro Akechi was going to be answering questions. Frankly, she found it quite creepy the levels most fans went to in order to see him.

Eventually the debate began. Makoto Niijima, student Council President, was hosting & essentially demanded answers related to his detective work reguarding the Phantom Theives. It was immensely impressive how he managed to dance around the answers, giving something vague yet satisfying. Was this is the life of a celebrity?

The question about the identity of the mysterious group soon came up. As her cue came, she texted him & there was the sound of Akechi’s ringtone going off. Silence spread through the auditorium in a strange mix of disappointment & comedic timing. After making a remark along the lines of not wanting to be trolled online, he quickly requested that a break be tacked on.

Quietly, she moved her way across the row & slipped out before the crowd could congest any corridors. The PE Faculty Office was easy enough to find, with many students easily offering directions. Slipping in before anyone else, there he stood.

“ Akechi. Are you ready for this? There’s no going back after we present the evidence. ”

“ Of course. The Phantom Thieves are a menace to society & by getting rid of them, people will finally feel safe in Japan. That’s what you want as well, right? ”

“ Yeah. Murderers aren’t welcome. ”

Once they had all entered, she presented the photographic evidence & introduced herself. Ryuji was in shock. Makoto seemed to be struggling to process the information. Explaining how both herself & Akechi had met, she pressed onto the point: Sae Niijima. She had to be saved from the mental shutdown culprits. An agreement of sorts was made by their rather stoic leader Akira. They would all work together to solve the cases.

{ Wed, 16 / 10 / 20XX & Thurs 17 / 11 / 20XX }

After the initial investigation into Sae’s Palace, keywords & location, these were the days of infiltration, so to speak. The Casino of Jealousy was vibrant & full of money. Coins were messily spread around on every single surface, posters containing snappy tag lines about how winning was key to survival. It was all so decadent. Cognitive shadows lined up for a chance to participate in the game known as the legal system. What a sick way to look at justice.

Despite the crimes they had committed, the Phantom Theives were very casual. They showed no symptoms of guilt nor doubt & insisted on these strangely flashy moves such as the All-Out Attack or the Showtime, in which they would defeat a bundle of enemies all at once. Although they were powerful, did they really feel the need to show off that much?

The other problem was their leader, Joker. He was tenaciously gripping onto both herself & Akechi { or Crow, was it? She never understood the need for the ridiculous code names... } to remain on the front lines to see what they could both do. Despite having bounds of energy at the beginning & regular breaks, it was quite tiring to keep having to constantly battle. Perhaps that was why she ended up being held captive by a Shadow.

It demanded Yen & safety. It was not a substantial amount of money & the Palace’s supposed ‘ Security Level ’ was not particularly high. She had seen how Akira had been picking through remains of the corpses of these beings, as they contained Yen. For some unknown reason during the negotiation, he simply refused to part. Apparently Joker, the supposed leader of the just Phantom Thieves believed some money more important than an ally.

Even as the shadow tore through skin & left almost fatal wounds, it hurt more to reaffirm her belief that the Phantom Theives were merciless.

Waking up was a surprise to be sure. To be greeted by Akechi in the nearest Safe Room asking if she was okay? It was very much a shock. He offered to patch up the wounds that were unreadable by her own hands & scolded her for being so reckless on that battlefield. It was good that both Queen & Mona were on hand, otherwise she would have died. Despite the presence of the other members of the group, this felt like a rather intimate moment.

The two of them kept having these strange moments: Delicately & intimate but as though something was missing.

A touch that lingered for longer than it needed to; Comforting words on a cool evening when she felt upset; Sitting within close proximity despite there being more space for the two of them than needed. Small signs that seemed to be hesitantly trying to convey something.

Even now as she paused to take in his appearance, it was startling. Dressed up in his princely regalia that was his Metaverse outfit, he looked rather charming. With golden tassels & a red cape, something about him seemed to just ooze noble. Though at times he could be slightly extra with the poses he pulled, Akechi was kind.

That was why she never saw it coming.

{ Thurs, 18 / 10 / 20XX }

Signaling for a meeting, Akira explained that they were going to write & send the Calling Card today. The debate about where to send it was long, strenuous & boring. After they eventually decided to be direct by mailing it to the Niijima residence, everyone disbanded for the day.

Aside for Akechi, who invited her to play Darts in Kichijoji. What a strange request.

The atmosphere was actually rather calming. At night, there were few around to disturb them. Handing over 800 Yen to play, the game began. It was nice to simply be able to talk about something unrelated to the Phantom Thieves for the both of them & although Akechi’s aim was unerring, she found it rather difficult to hit the tiny target, let alone land it in a specific place to score as many points as possible. After a while & with some expert advice, there was definitely some improvement.

By the time night struck, she had barely noticed until he had pointed it out. Everything was moving so swiftly. Offering to walk her to the train station, he was ever so polite. Until it rained.

It absolutely poured down with rain as the two of them descended the stairs of Penguin Sniper. Luckily, she had packed an umbrella into a crevice in her bag. The detective next to her? Not quite as fortunate as he sighed. Feeling bad, she offered to share & he accepted with reluctance after realising that it was better than the alternative of running home in the rain.

Being this close was both enthralling & embarrassing. Something about being forced this close to him was killing her. Akechi seemed to be doing alright, staying underneath to avoid both his hair & briefcase from becoming drenched by the cascading water. After a while that was in some respects a long time but in others not long at all, they reached the train station, parting ways when they had a difference in train line.

She knew exactly what she was feeling: There was no use in denial. Repressing such feelings would be more painful in the end. However, now was not the time to tell him. Catching the Phantom Thieves & saving Japan was more important than a high school romance. Filing the secret away for later, it was kept close to her heart.

{ Fri, 19 / 10 / 20XX }

It was almost too easy how quick everything was to fall into place. Putting on her best acting face was difficult but it was a believable lie, especially when most of the stress was based around getting Joker out alive. All their valiant efforts were for nothing. Similar to a spider spinning a web to catch prey, they had fallen victim.

After facing down the shadow of Sae Niijima herself on this strange roulette like battlefield, her desperate desire to achieve victory at all costs was her downfall & as she fell to her knees, clearly defeated, Queen went over to comfort her. Skull took Fox with him to steal the Treasure & once they discovered the numerous police forces that had made their way into the Metaverse, everything was taken up a notch.

Whilst Joker agreed to take the Treasure, thus becoming a distraction, everyone else would take the time to escape back to reality. A makeshift plan but one that would work in both her own & Akechi’s favour. Dashing along the protruding walls of the casino was thrilling as the group moved in sync, grappling along & weaving through like a natural born instinct.

Inevitably, he was captured. The leader of the Phantom Thieves, put behind bars. People would be safe from the mental shutdowns, they would no longer have to worry about having a psychotic breakdown. Without the branch that held them all together, there were no roots. As to not arouse suspicions, everyone parted ways until Akechi stopped her.

“ I... Know it’s rather late & we’ve just been to the Palace but there’s something I need to warn you about in the Metaverse. Will you join me in Mementos tomorrow morning? Preferably before school, if that’s okay with you, ” was all he requested with a ghost of a smile.

“ Sure, I don’t mind. Is there something else dangerous I should be worrying about? ”

“ It’s nothing too urgent but I thought I’d bring it to your attention since we are working on this case with the Phantom Thieves together. After all, we still need to hold the others accountable for their actions. ”

With that, she left. Akechi had always been a reliable source of information, so why would he lie?

{ Sat, 20 / 10 / 20XX }

It was the early morning. Despite the cold, she was in warm spirits as she approached the Shibuya line. Waiting there for her was the Detective Prince himself. Overnight, there was a decision made that once Akechi broke this bad news to her that she would change the mood by confessing. After all, it would be difficult to keep under lock & key.

Fading into the background as other students filtered in, they talked for a short period of time before getting down to business. Typing in ‘ Mementos ’ to the MetaNav was easy enough & there they were, standing at the dusty entrance.

Together, they fought their way down into a few floors below the surface. Although it took longer for them to traverse these levels due to not having a method of transportation such as the Mona Car, the Shadows were easy pickings for the two of them. At least, that is what she thought until two laser blasts from a ray gun burnt into her back.

Standing over her was a very different Goro Akechi to the person she had preciously known. What was once a charismatic smile that could charm anyone become a psychotic grin that looks unnaturally wide. Though she had once thought of his eyes as a storm of emotions, worries about the future & the safety of Japan, they were most definitely a typhoon, pulling victims in to tear them apart without a trace of mercy. Even as he called her a blind fool for trusting him & berated her sense of justice, the burning pain of the wounds that burnt through the Metaverse outfit were clouding her vision. She could have sworn there was the sound of someone walking away but there was too many sensations for her to clearly tell.

No one was going to find a dead body in the depths of Mementos. She found it morbidly ironic that her last thought was that she would never be able to tell Akechi how she truly felt.

Word Count: 2.3k

Publish Date: 06.10.20

#{ crow }#{ oh boy did I want to name this Dance With Justice 2: Electric Boogaloo }#goro akechi x reader #akechi x reader #goro akechi #persona 5 royal x reader #persona 5 x reader #persona 5 imagines #persona #p5r #tw: death #tw: blood #tw: injuries #tw: swearing #tw: violence #{ why is this my longest work what the heck }

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remade-stopframevevo · 4 years ago

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can you tell us more about fawnstar? he is epic

he is pretty epic in a nuclear explosion kind of way

the strategy of answering oc asks by just talking until i couldnt anymore seemed to work pretty well last time so im just going to do that again. ive also been putting this ask off for too long cuz i knew it was going to take forever to answer LOL, i will note though if some things dont make sense theres a good chance im just dancing around spoiling things because hes One of Those types of ocs, you can still ask about certain things (the way im typing this has the 3 times ive said the word things lining up and its really throwing me off) but theres no guarantee i’ll be able to answer them, at least truthfully (theres like a 50% chance im going to intentionally lie about shit when answering this ask btw. just so you know <3)

anyway, fawnstar (he/they nonbiney; no last name, groveclan leaders have their surnames revoked upon leadership) is groveclan’s leader and has been for about *papers shuffling sfx* four-ish years now but dont take that as final because i just realised i dont like the age they wouldve been when they became leader lmfao

fawnstar doesn’t have any known surviving biological family. his mother, eveningeye (she/her), died two years after he became leader and was given a brief and detached funeral. their biological father was a kittypet (which is also where they got The Mane Genetic from) although fawnstar was never told that and to this day doesnt know, not that they care either. also *inserts pic of eveningeye i dont remember even drawing*

fawnstar was made leader after the previous leader, buckstar (he/him tom, also important note: groveclan leaders are chosen at birth and are named after the current leader. this is a tradition that ended with fawnstar), was killed in an ambush. around half a day after buckstar had left camp and not returned, fawnstar - fawnfur at the time - who had been in and out of camp sporadically for the past 2 months, had returned to camp alone in the midst of literally dying, said some incomprehensible shit about rogues and collapsed in the medicine cat den and was left under the care of marblepaw whilst half the clan went out looking for buckstar or any signs of rogues. buckstar’s body was never found, although rogue scent was detected on the outskirts of groveclan’s territory. as a result of this incident, the clans have become much more unforgiving and hostile toward rogues.

as the search for buckstar or any rogues was going on, marblepaw had officially declared fawnfur as dead. no one’s ever let marbleheart live down the fact they declared a cat dead only for said cat to get back up three minutes later, but they still stand by the fact that there would’ve been no way for a fatal neck wound like that to just fix itself, or for them to fix it either.

after the incident, fawnfur became leader and appointed cranecloud (who passed away about... 2 years ago from present day) as their deputy. cranecloud had to do most of the work for the first 3 weeks as fawnstar took time to physically and mentally recover from the event, their voice never fully recovered and four years later they still permanently sound like they need to clear their throat. they never really recovered mentally either.

anyway! that fun stuff aside, fawnstar is a very, very very very very lenient leader to an irritating extent to his clanmates who actually care about the warrior code, ie the hopeheart thing and how when one of his clanmates openly brought in a half floodclan kit his reaction was to shrug and go, “not my problem”. fawnstar’s only concern with the warrior code is avoiding any conflict with the other clans, to the point where he’s pushed his boundaries with each of them far enough that he’s figured out how each will react toward a public break in the code and who he’s safest to fuck up with.

speaking of the clan he’s safest to fuck up with, floodclan and groveclan have a very amicable relationship. this is more of a floodclan thing so i’ll talk more about it when i get to them/the leader, but floodclan has a very... inhabitable territory during the winter. long story short it gets flooded when the rain gets to its worst who’d have thunk it in a place where “flood” is in the name, floodclan’s way of dealing with this is splitting the clan in two and sending half of them to groveclan, who’s camp is on higher ground, until the rain passes since the Still Habitable part of the clan is too small to hold *papers shuffling sfx 2* ~26 cats all at once. usually the deputy and leader would take it in turns to visit each year, but shadowstar (he/she/they tom), floodclan’s current leader, is almost always the one to visit, unless there’s a new deputy who hasn’t taken the lead on the trip before.

there have been challenges to fawnstar’s leadership and how he’s running the clan in the past, but none ended well. despite his apparent lack of care toward anything, fawnstar is still... a very big and very intimidating cat, and a very openly “if you fuck with me im going to crush you like a bug” type of cat. he’s not dictator-like in any way, he doesn’t care enough to be, but any standoffs he’s been made to have against his own clanmates have ended in said clanmate being almost literally backed into a corner and forced to back down.

additionally they’re a very scary cat to have to come into contact with in battle. they don’t take part in them often in the rare occurences they have to happen, but groveclan has a heavy focus on training their warriors to be as effective and strong as possible which is also applied to cats who are Assigned Leader At Birth as fawnstar was. fawnstar was personally given very extreme training, and it’s one of the few things they keep from their younger life and actively makes an effort to keep in the shape they are, even despite their age. oh theyre also very scary because of the apparent immortality and not caring about pain thing! thats scary too.

anyway jesus i just noticed how long of an uninterrupted wall of text this is. im not done but here’s a warrior age fawnstar to break it up a little

to talk more in length about his relationships with others since i havent done it very specifically already heres a few i can think off of the top of my head:

rainwatcher is fawnstar’s deputy and adopted son who they took in after banishing his biological mother on grounds of neglect. even in adulthood they’re still very close. some groveclan residents think it’s a total joke that in the first election for deputy they’ve ever done it’s just a ~coincidence~ the leader’s son wins but fawnstar still refutes there would have been literally no way to fake a winner, they werent even the one counting. if anything fawnstar would have been more comfortable with someone else coming out on top, it’s not that they think rainwatcher is a bad deputy, but they’d rather anyone else in the clan be in such a “precarious” rank than their own son.

marbleheart... does not like fawnstar at all... i feel like it would be very easy to be furious (and terrified) at someone who not only seemingly died and got back up, but made sure everyone thought you were an idiot who was “hallucinating” it. there’s other reasons marbleheart doesn’t like fawnstar but you know 💅 that’s their business *touch tone telephone starts playing, but anyways*

they also have a pretty close relationship with silvermoon (she/her molly), floodclan’s deputy. i’ll talk more about silvermoon when i talk about her in her own post (she IS little ms protagonist herself after all), but silvermoon has been visiting during every winter migration to groveclan since she was a kit and has come to view fawnstar as some weird uncle figure, which is also encouraged (for lack of better word since its 8am right now and i cant think anymore) by shadowstar, silvermoon’s mentor, since he has a.. fairly close relationship with fawnstar too

i know you want me to talk about fawnstars relationship to shadowstar now after saying what i just said and im intentionally not going to <3 you will simply have to ask or wait <3

less specifically, fawnstar is typically very distant from his clanmates, apart from frequently visiting the nursery. it’s one of the only times he makes an effort to leave the clan’s garden (ill talk about what i mean by garden some other time its a territory thing lol) apart from gatherings (and seemingly wandering out into the night sometimes, but that’s his business, i guess...), he’s very watchful over the nursery and the kits and cares very deeply for each of them. arguably the only rule in the warrior code they care for is the one about protecting any and all kits.

anyways, theres definitely more but my brain isnt letting me remember other things to talk about so heres some fun little trivia facts

they have a pet family of snails in the clans garden

this story takes place in the same universe where the canon clans exist in a “what if we took the clans and pushed them (made new ones) somewhere else” way but key figures in clan history are still remembered. one time someone remarked to fawnstar, “hey, youre orange like that firestar guy apparently was” and its the hardest fawnstar had laughed in literally years

they’re gay in a “he never married” way. dont worry about what i mean by this

their least favorite ~historical figure~ is brokenstar, for obvious reasons. if he could he’d kill him three times.

he has adhd

ok thats all i have for now! feel free to ask me about anything here but ive only been awake for like 3 hours and also im very hungry so if any of this is incomprehensible it is simply not my problem!!! thank you for asking about my little war criminal!!!

#ask #long post #jesus this is long im getting something to eat now LOL #feel free to ask for like...clarificaiton on any of this or anything lol #i like being asked about my ocs is all <3 plus theres obviously a lot i missed here #skinwretch

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lostinyourdreams · 4 years ago

Text

A brave idiot

Perhaps 26 and 39 for Reader and Zofia where reader goes on a mission and confesses to Zofia and comes back kinda injured and she gets kinda protective over reader🥺🥺 (only if I want to!!!)

Later they specified they wanted a fan-fic :)

Well...This mission could be my last so fuck it! I love you!

Have you lost your damn mind?! You could have gotten yourself killed!

Warnings: mentions of injury and blood, in this fic Zofia lost her husband.

The steaks were high, usually there would be a small chatter in the helicopter ride but now everyone was dead silent, this mission was important. Sighing you looked over at Zofia, you have had a crush on the Polish woman since you laid eyes on her and you could also tell she did care about you, by the way she’d always tell you to stay behind her to the way she would always drag you to the medical wing to get yourself checked despite not having any visible wounds.

Harry's speech before you left wasn’t helping either as the line “Good people will most likely die in this mission” was playing on repeat in your mind, you were so lost in your thoughts you failed to notice the helicopter landed already, Zofia gently nudged you causing you to flinch “Y/n we landed” she said softly and you simply nodded and got up following her. Adrenaline was pumping in your body as the team made their way inside the abandoned base, you knew you should keep your head clear but how could you? You were shoulder to shoulder to a woman you loved and you could lose her here, would it even be alright for you to confess to her? Zofia lost her husband not so long ago, was it enough time for her to move on? Sure she was kinder to you but maybe you simply made it out to be like that, maybe she was simply being friendly to you or treating you like a sister, once again you manage to lose yourself in your thoughts and didn’t notice the fact that the team stopped in a room causing you to bump into Olivers back, he turned around and tilted his head slightly “Tout va bien?”(are you okay/alright?) he asked clearly concerned, quickly you nodded “Yeah, uhm sorry for bumping into you” you quickly apologized as he simply gave you a reassuring smile “It’s alright, don’t worry” he said as he turned his gaze back to Mira who turned around to face the team “we need to find some important documents, anything about the White Masks or medical experiments and weaponry but remember stay sharp and always be ready to defend yourself and fight” she said before gesturing the team to start searching for the files, you took a few moments to simply scan the area before going to one of the lockers and opening it as you started looking through folders to find the intel needed. A few good minutes had passed, enough for most of the operators including yourself to let their guard down slightly, I mean this had been an abandoned building for at least 6 years, who the hell would come here? You thought to yourself until you were snapped out of your thoughts by the sound of a weapon being fired, a bullet barely missing your head as it grazed your cheek “Y/n!” Zofia shouted as in an instant she shot down a white mask only for more to come “Ambush!” Mira shouted as everyone got behind cover, you of course taking cover with Zofia, the team was able to hold back the attackers but it was more than clear you all will ran out of ammo before a rescue team could make it to you but you had an idea, as you were searching through the lockers you found a rope, Giles could cover you while you tie it and open the window, you’ll hold them back while everyone leaves, you had a Nitro Cell on you so you could use that right before escaping. You looked over at Mira and shouted “Mira I got a plan to get us out of here! Gilles can you grab the rope from the blue locker? We will cover you!” You shouted, Gilles looked at Mira who could only nod, they had no better option anyway. Gilles quickly followed your instructions and grabbed the rope backing away and looking at you “what now?” he asked as you got behind him “cover me” he nodded as he followed you covering you as you tied the rope to a sturdy object and threw the rope out the window “Now listen to me everyone! Giles will cover you as you climb down the rope I'll stay here and fire as you make your way out” you explained as Mira sighed, your plan was good but what about you? Mira wanted to ask how the hell you will get out but Zofia took the words straight out of her mouth “what about you y/n?” she asked clearly worried “I’ll stay with you” she said stubbornly tho you shook your head “I got my own way out now don’t be stubborn or else I’ll make Oliver drag you out” you said lightheartedly hoping to ease her which of course worked “just please come back in one piece…” she said her eyes filled with concern tho seeing you smile and nod did ease her a bit. The operators followed your orders and as Zofia was about to make her way out you tugged on her sleeve to get her attention “Well...This mission could be my last so

fuck it! I love you!” you said quickly tho Gilles didn’t give her too much time to process as he guided her out. You felt satisfied as you finally confessed your love for the brunette, the corners of your lips tugging upward into a smile, you felt an immense weight lifted off your shoulders. Once Gilles, the last operator made their way out you quickly pulled out your Nitro Cell and threw it in the middle of the room, the White Masks knew what was happening so they ceased fire, risking it you decided to just run for it, grabbing onto the rope you quickly made your way out, you hung onto the rope with one hand while using the other to activate the Nitro Cell failing to realise this will cause the floor to collapse, the rope snapped and caused you to fall down, the impact from falling for such a height caused you to go unconscious.

Everything ached, waking up you saw the white walls of the medical area, turning your head around you saw a sleeping Zofia on a chair, holding one of your hands in hers as the other was used to prop her head, this sight made you smile, you attempted to pull your hand away tho this only made her eyes snap open “Y/n!” she exclaimed as she got up and kneeled in front of you “Hello Zofia…” you whispered softly “Have you lost your damn mind?! You could have gotten yourself killed! You were lucky we had Oliver there!” she shouted as she gently pulled you into a hug “Don’t ever do that again….” the brunette pulled away from the cup only to gently cup your cheeks “But to give you an answer for your confession Ja Cie kocham” (I love you) and with that she placed a gentle kiss against your forehead

#raimbowsixsiege #rainbow six siege #r6s #r6s zofia #rainbow six siege zofia #fluff

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honestlyhappyharry · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 7

The date

Chapter 6

“Goodbye, Lily. Don’t stay up too late.” You smiled as you planted a kiss on the boisterous little girl’s head.

A week had passed since you took Lily to the zoo with Harry. Unusually, she was still talking about the event. It was only unusual because normally she would forget people you took her to meet within a day. But something was different with Harry. Maybe it was the biological connection but something stuck.

Despite all the question she asked, you tried to avoid any questions due to your own uncertainty about what was going on.

Now, she was being left with her babysitter, Ellie, while you went out on a date with Harry. It had taken him a good part of the week to convince you to but he wore you down in the end.

Usually, your first call when you needed Lily looked after was to your mum but if she knew who you were going out with there would be a lot of why, where, what and how questions. And, again, you were uncertain about the answer.

With a final look back at Lily, you smoothed out your dress, checked your makeup and walked out the door. The dress you picked was red and flared at the hips in a skater dress style with a tight waist and lace around the neckline.

“Y/n, you look very pretty,” Harry commented as you shut the door with a smile. He was clad in a blue button-down shirt (a few buttons undone, naturally) and some white dress pants. He looked as good as ever.

You had to push the guilt out of your head as you walked to him. “Thank you.” You said before you placed a kiss on his cheek.

He opened the door for you and got in the driver’s side to drive. The plan you had agreed to was to get dinner at some French restaurant Jeff had bragged to Harry about before going for a walk along the beach.

As you looked over at him, you felt like a young adult again. Just out of University and accompanying him around Europe with the boys on tour. It was a feeling you had been without for some time.

Once you got into the restaurant you admired the white, brick walls and rustic, wooden furniture while Harry told the maitre‘d his name.

Suddenly, his hand was on your waist and you jolted under his grasp. “On a date with an axe murderer?” He joked, voice rough in your ear.

You turn your attention and body back to him, glaring as you do so. “Joking, joking.” He hurried out, watching as your face turn from an eye-roll to a smile. It was now that you realised how close he was. Close enough you could smell the mint on his breath mixed with the expensive Tom Ford Cologne he used to wear. Close enough you could kiss him. Then he pulled back with a “Ready?” before guiding you to the table once you nodded, still in a trance.

It was further back in the restaurant and more secluded. He pulled out your seat and you sat down before he took a seat as well. The waiter quickly placed menus in front of you and poured some of the white wine sitting in an ice bucket on the table into a glass for each of you. You looked at Harry with a confused face but he doesn’t notice.

Reaching out, you picked up the bottle once the waiter had left. It was a bottle of your favourite wine. There was no way it was a coincidence, the wine type or company wasn’t special but it was the 2006 bottle that made you sure of the fact Harry had something to do with it.

He smirked at you while you studied the drink. “How did you know?” You asked, turning your attention to him.

“Know what?” He sounded as condescending as ever. Of course, he knew and he thought those pretty lips and devilishly handsome looks were going to make you drop the question.

You held the bottle up to him. “This is my favourite.”

“Coincidental.” He smirked as he lifted his own glass up to take a sip.

You shook your head. “There’s no way. You knew. I’m not sure how but I know you knew.” He kept up his facade, no wonder he made such an amazing actor. “You couldn’t have known from before because I used to drink-”

“Manhattans, very classy.” He finished, staring right into your eyes in a way that made you nervous but also comfortable. “You’re going to have to get me a lot more drunk before I reveal my secrets, Y/l/n.” He teased.

“Better get drinking then, Styles.” You counter the calmness you were expressing was nothing like the butterflies going crazy in your stomach. The whole vibe felt like it changed but that was just the way it was dating Harry Styles.

Once you’d finally pulled your attention off him, you turned it to the menu in front of you. It was heavy and very posh with a sleek, black look.

Manicured fingernails opened it and you began reading to decide what to get. “I don’t know what half of these words are.” You said, looking back to Harry who was glancing over the menu himself.

“Do you trust me?” He asked, looking seriously at you before taking another sip of his wine.

“Is this Aladdin?” He nearly spat out the wine as he laughed.

“Do you?”

You were curious about where this was going. “Yeah.”

“Okay, good.” He smiled before calling the waiter over. The waiter wrote down all the things Harry was saying before taking the menus.

You didn’t even want to know what he ordered, it was just going to be a surprise.

“So tell me about...” Harry continued to ask you questions while the two of you drunk wine before your dinner arrived.

Talking with Harry now was different than when it was about Lily, you hadn’t thought of her all night but it was nice to have a break for once. The conversation wasn’t too deep and it kept along the lines of what your lives had been like, your new hobbies and your new ideas of the world.

With all the time you’d spent apart from Harry, he not only got more attractive but wiser and somehow he was an even better conversationalist. You figured he’d be able to talk to anyone he met without it being awkward.

“What about boyfriends?” He asked and you sigh aloud. The topic wasn’t one you usually talked about on first dates but Harry wasn’t just a usual guy. “Do I sense a story?” He pushed eagerly.

“Not really, I mean no one has good dates all the time. Guys just seem to freak about Lily and I definitely don’t regret her but most single 26-year-olds don’t have a kid.” You explained, it wasn’t a conversation you were trying to avoid on purpose but it was shaping up to be awkward.

He nodded. “You’re so good for putting her first.”

“Any mother would.”

“‘s not strictly true and you’re very modest.”

Although the topic wasn’t the least awkward thing you could have talked, Harry managed to keep it casual.

“And here is your food.” The waiter announced, making you break your look from Harry.

What he placed in front of you, you didn’t know. “Bouillabaisse.” The waiter told you and you nodded, even though his French didn’t mean anything to you.

You missed what the waiter said as he put Harry’s meal down in front of him but Harry thanked him anyway and he left.

With a lot of trust in Harry, you took a spoon and turned your attention to the colourful liquid with prawns and mussels with some pieces of bread. It looked appetising and you hadn’t realised how hungry you were.

You took some onto the spoon and put it up to your lips. The taste was delicious, rich in flavour and perfectly spiced.

Once you’d looked up again you noticed Harry was looking at you, trying to study your face. “It’s really good.” You told him with a nod of your head. His expression turned to a smile quickly.

You continued to eat the fish, prawns, mussels and used the bread to soak up some soup while Harry also ate some of his soup, a cream coloured liquid with what looked like pieces of meat in it.

“Try some of this.” He told you, offering out a spoon full of liquid close to your mouth. You put your own spoon down and let Harry move his spoon into your lips.

The soup itself tasted alright and you let the flavours remain in your mouth as you took a bite of whatever the meat was. It tasted sort of like a mussel but the texture was different.

Harry was looking at you for your reaction. “It’s alright but what’s in it?”

There was a slight smirk on his face and you knew there was something wrong. “Escargot.” He pronounced in perfect French. As soon as it had sunk in the flavour was corrupt.

“Snail?” You asked once you’d swallowed it, distaste now on your face but Harry was still smirking about it. “You’re the worst.” You tell him as you shook your head at the little laughs he was letting out.

“I know you were enjoying it before you realised what it was.” He bantered back, still with that golden smile on his face.

You just rolled your eyes at him and went back to eating. The food was very delicious and you were convinced Harry was a genius for picking this restaurant.

“Being here really reminds me of that summer,” Harry said out of the blue, causing you to snap your eyes up to his. There was a little bit of concern you were feeling for what Harry was talking about.

Of course, he had to bring something up from the past, you felt like he had been doing that a lot. You did chuckle at how you knew the exact summer he was talking about although you had spent a few summers together. “Yeah, good times.” You agreed, thinking about ‘that summer’ brought up a lot of memories. Memories of that nights you and Harry would go out to some super fancy place, like this, before going to the beach or the carnival.

“When did we give up on us?” His sudden question made you internally gasp.

There was no point in avoiding the question. “I gave up a month after the band broke up and a month into your life destruction cycle.” You finally figure the words to tell him. “The day I was going to leave was the day I found out I was pregnant.” Now it was like you couldn’t stop talking and by Harry’s mouth dropping open you felt annoyed letting it slip.

“Why didn’t you say then?” Curiosity got the best of him and before he knew it was asking more questions.

This wasn’t a conversation you wanted to be having. “I tried, Haz, you were drunk or out so much of the time.” You didn’t want to be having this conversation so early but he seemed determined.

“I missed being a band.” He shrugged and you nodded, understanding his point of view. “I still miss them so much.” He admitted, running his hand through his hair roughly.

“I’m sorry the band fell apart.” At that moment it felt right to put your hand on his across the table.

Harry shook his head. “I’m sorry I just gave up caring about us.”

“I’m sorry I left when things got hard.”

“I’m sorry I ruined our relationship.”

“It’s all right now.” You smiled at him before taking your hand off his. “Want some more of this?” You asked, changing the conversation as you picked up the wine bottle and poured yourself some more.

After you talked and finished your food your plates got taken away and you continued to drink your favourite bottle of wine. By the time you’d finished the bottle, you were sure Harry and you were definitely tipsy.

Harry paid the bill, not even letting you see the total and you walked out into the street hand in hand.

It wasn’t long before Harry was cracking terrible jokes that made you giggle. “Oh my gosh, you know what we should do?” You asked him as an idea came to your head.

He chuckled, maybe because of how drunk he was but maybe because of how excited you sounded. “What should we do?”

“Go to in and out!” You state, thinking about how badly you were craving a burger.

He laughed at your childish nature. “Did you not just like that delicious, traditional French dish?”

“No, I loved it but I’d kill for a burger right now.” There was a little smile tugging on his lips as he looked at you fondly. This was definitely something you had missed.

“Get in the car then.” He commanded, unlocking the door with the key from his pocket.

You looked at him with a little bit of horror in your face. “You’re not going to open it?” You ask, joking with mock offence.

He sighed and walked around the car to your side before opening the door for you and then shutting it once you were sitting down. Then he moved to his side and got in the drivers' side, opening up the door and getting in before starting the car.

“Forgot how demanding you were.” He joked, gripping his hand on the steering wheel, the veins in his hand prominent.

Another look of horror was on your face. “You are so rude to the girl you’re trying to get with.” There was a slight smile on your face that you couldn’t hide.

“‘Trying to get with?’“ He repeated with a laugh, it would have made you embarrassed if you weren’t so drunk so you just blushed. “That is such a vulgar way to put it.”

You giggled at him, thankful he hadn’t commented on what you said. “Shut up.” You whine at him, the pair of you laughing like it was the funniest thing in the world.

“Okay, okay. You know there isn’t an in-and-out on the way to the beach?” He told you, looking at you with a teasing grin.

You shook your head, wanting to complain to him. “Don’t be mean. There’s one if you go west and then almost into bel air.” You instruct, trying to sound tough. In your head, all you could think about was the beautiful rings on his fingers as he tensed his fingers.

He looked at you with a mix of amazement and confusion. “How do you even know that? Is there not one closer to your place?”

“Yeah, there’s one south-east of our place but this one is right by Lily’s dance studio and she’s usually starving once she’s finished with dance.” You explain, trying not to seem too obsessed with in-and-out.

Harry nodded and continued driving until you reached the bright lights of your favourite burger joint. “What’s your go-to?” He asked, and it had only occurred to you then that you couldn’t think of a time you had been to in-and-out with Harry, ever.

“Number 2 with pink lemonade.” You informed him as he drove into the drive-through. Luckily there weren’t many cars there, odd for 9 at night.

Once he’d ordered for you, himself and then paid he drove around to the window to collect your food. As he handed it over to you it was like you were 7 years in the past, in some foreign city with the boys in the back seat laughing and waiting for their meals.

You were snapped out of it pretty quickly as you reached out to take your drink from his hand as he put his own in the cupholder.

“So, I didn’t realise mums in LA were allowed to feed their kids fast food.” He mentioned with a slight smile as he continued to drive the car in the direction of the beach. “I’m only joking.” He added.

All you could do was just look at him, roll your eyes and shake your head. “The absolute hypocrisy and judgment in every group of mums’ I have been in is absurd.” You told him as if he’d never seen mothers being shamed.

Once you’d looked over his eyebrows were furrowed. “People have shamed you?” He asked in total disbelief.

“Yeah, lots of other mothers. From getting an epidural to not raising Lily on an organic farm.” You laughed, trying to keep the mood light.

His eyebrows were still furrowed in confusion. “What? But you are such a great mum and Lily is happy and healthy, how could anyone criticise that?” You just shrugged, not having an answer for him. “I’m sorry, it’s not like being a single mum would have helped either.”

You shook your head. “It’s alright though because we’re happy.” That was the end of that conversation.

You arrived at the beach pretty soon after, Harry took the bag of food out of the car and you carried the drinks. The beach was relatively secluded, only a couple of groups scattered around.

“Oh, I have a blanket in the car, I’ll go get it.” He said once you got onto the sand.

Once he got back and laid the blanket down you smiled at him before sitting down. “Look at you being all maternal.”

He rolled his eyes at you with a smirk. You looked out onto the beach. The sun had already set and the beach was quite dark. Harry and you continued to talk for another hour, the conversation was filled with anything you could think to say while you ate your burgers.

Harry got up, offering you his hand to pull him up. “Should we go then?” You nodded, picking up the blanket as Harry picked up the paper bag of food wrappers.

You continued to talk to Harry the whole way back to your place, giving him instructions on where to turn.

Once you got there he turned off the engine in the driveway and both of you got out. Ellie, the babysitter, upon hearing a car had made it out the front door just as you and Harry made it there.

“Lily was great, she’s in bed asleep now.” She informed you, dutifully. She had always been such a good babysitter so you weren’t worried about asking too many questions.

You nodded to her as Harry stood awkwardly. “Thank you, I’ll see you some other time.” She walked off to her car and you waved her off.

Once you looked up at Harry again he was so much closer than before. His somehow minty breath was fanning your face.

He kept getting closer, leaning down so his face was closer to yours, almost touching. He moved his hand up to your cheekbone, stroking over it gently with his thumb. You forgot everything you were thinking as he leant down and ghosted his lips on yours.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked making you swoon. You nodded and moved your hand to his chest. He moved his lips the remaining inch, closing the gap between your lips.

The kiss was slower and sweeter than the last one you shared, more loving and passionate. It lasted longer as your lips intertwined and danced together before you pulled away for air.

“Thank you for tonight,” Harry said, his hands moving from your face to your waist as he held you. You didn’t want to belive the night was over. If the events of tonight had happened 5 years ago, you’d still probably be with Harry on the beach.

“Thank you. I’d love to do it again.” You said, trying not to sound too eager.

“I would love to as well.” He agreed, making you smile as you looked up into those big green eyes that made it impossible not to fall in love with him. “I’ll call you.” He told you, kissing you again before walking away.

You waved goodbye to him, trying to hide the grin on your face.

“Oh, Y/n,” Harry said, turning back around to you. “El told me about the wine.” He mentioned with a little grin.

You smiled and giggled, shaking your head at him before going inside as he left.

That evening you spent an hour sitting in bed, contemplating everything. It seemed too soon to determine what your relationship with Harry actually was and you didn’t want to pressure him into anything but you really wanted to know how he felt about you. You decided against it, calling him. After all, he said he’d call you and you didn’t want to seem desperate.

What you didn’t know was Harry felt exactly the same.

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