#and we kept wandering around and exploring and talking etc and at some point they let go bc we were abt to enter a shop but then afterwards

[faaun]

UPDATE ON HOW TODAY WENT W MY CRUSH

[carmenxjulia]

I put together a transcript of the 2 hour Q&A Interview the Carmen Sandiego Discord did with Showrunner Duane Capizzi. All of the questions were submitted by server members. You can read everything below the break!

Duane Capizzi:

Hi there!

Am I in? Is this thing on?

PizzaHorse:

Hi, welcome!

Yep, you're in the right place!

Duane Capizzi:

Sorry I'm late, I was wandering around some empty Discord hallways looking for the right room haha

PizzaHorse:

No worries. Let's get started!

Who is your favorite character?

Duane Capizzi:

Moose Boy!

KIDDING!

Alright, how to NOT get myself in trouble if my answer isn't "Carmen" haha.

But really, they are ALL my babies.

So I know it's going to sound like a cop out to some that I can't pick just one. But hmm, some for instances...

I love that she's so morally evolved at such a young age; her ability to always take the high road and never lower herself; her drive and conviction and dedication. Her ability to kick serious booty and look good while doing it. Her progressive values, her fashion sense. I could go on and on. But then there's Shadowsan and his arc; Chase and his. Julia, who's every bit as strong as Carmen but shows it in different ways. The Cleaners don't get enough love.

I'll close that question with an anecdote about The Cleaners ...

I love that all our characters are embraced and that everyone seems to have favorites. Our sound engineer Marcel is a pretty serious guy: he has a serious job that takes high levels of focus and attention. He's always deeply focused and not prone to small talk. Anyway, we were in the middle of our first or second sound mix, and he suddenly stops in the middle and turns around to face us. I'm thinking, "uh oh, we're giving too many notes." That's when I notice he's freeze framed the Cleaners. He says "I really like these guys." Then he turns around, hits play and gets back to work.

PizzaHorse:

What was the biggest challenge for coming up with new stories and plot for the reboot?

Duane Capizzi:

THE biggest? Sigh. I'm not sure I could come up with just one. Plotting is always challenging and we had the brain trust of the room, our trusty white board, and writer assistant to keep the threads of the ongoing storyline together. I think the single biggest ONGOING challenge was tracking which character knew what at any given time.

The caper part was challenging - coming up with new capers and keeping them interesting and fresh. But, it was the characters and their interactions that kept things fresh and interesting. Another museum heist? That's okay - Chase is on the case and he gets to interact with "X" this time (for instance).

There were also some episodes - Duke of Vermeer and Crackle Goes Kiwi come to mind - where there was SO MUCH SET UP needed to get the payoffs to work. I was really worried about too much talk/too much detail. Very "Swiss watch!" It took a lot of work to make sure it all clicked and was clear - hopefully it seems effortless on screen but I can't say there wasn't some sweat and the occasional tear (mostly from me - I'm a big cry baby

But really, what made it fun was that we had so many buckets to draw from: sometimes a story germ initially began with a character idea; sometimes it was inspired by global location; sometimes it was a clever way to update or reimagine an idea from old Carmen lore. Usually, it was some combination of all of the above!

PizzaHorse:

What was your favorite scene to write?

Duane Capizzi:

I think we have a theme here! "How can I pick just one ...?"

As a film buff, I got to indulge in some serious fan nerdery on this show: I got to write spy movies, yakuza movies, spaghetti neo-westerns (though turning it on its head: spaghetti westerns usually involve REVENGE and because of Carmen's character make up, this was sort of anti-revenge).

Is writing coming up with the idea or typing it? Haha. An "if a tree falls in the forest" question. The writing team and I had so many cathartic "that's how it goes" in the room. But on my own, writing the Pilot, was a very inspiring time for me: I remember laughing out loud the moment I thought of Chase falling on his own car (in part because of doing my spin on "that trope" that we've seen in so many hard boiled movies recently). But also how emotional I got when I imagined the simple but potent image of Black Sheep deciding to take her destiny into her own hands and walk that long corridor to the Faculty who we were about to meet for the first time.

I think I've cited this in another interview, but there was a period where I was completely immersed in Chase's arc and the scene where he would crack the location of VILE island ... by listening to Julia in a dream ... was a big one for me. It revealed he was finally open to admitting he needed Julia more than he would ever admit - yet, it was his own subconscious speaking.

The next morning, after cracking that scene, I bumped into Raf Petardi (voice of Chase) ... at the supermarket! It was very strange and hilarious

PizzaHorse:

Did you scrap any lengthy or funny scenes that you would be able to share?

Duane Capizzi:

With few exceptions, most scene cuts are done at the script stage so that the story board team doesn't waste effort over boarding. A variety of trims to any script are common, but they are usually for the better

The easier question to answer might be scenes were part of our "wish list" at writer room stage, but never made it to story or script. I hesitate to go too deep here (in the event that we might ever do more Carmen episodes in this canon - I'm not giving up hope). And there were cases where things we wanted to do earlier in the series wound up getting nixed or not fitting for whatever reason, but we got them in later - USUALLY FOR THE BETTER. So there's sort of a reverse Murphy's Law/rule of good fortune somehow in these things. But some fun things that didn't make it into the show, that leap to mind were: a Bollywood dance sequence (!). A Vegas caper involving Brunt wanting to steal an Elvis jumpsuit against the backdrop of an Elvis impersonator convention. We also thought it would be neat to get Maelstrom imprisoned so that Julia could interrogate him and he would play mind games with her - very Lector/Clarice!

PizzaHorse:

Were there any different treatments of Carmen you pitched before settling on the one we ended up with?

Duane Capizzi:

I was one of several "pitches" that I'm sure HMH heard before running with my version. But I can honestly say I've never pitched anything as fully formed: the take on Carmen felt so right to me, and clearly HMH and by extension Netflix agreed

I'll answer your question with an anecdote: I had the entire Pilot pretty well worked out, and pitched it in the first meeting. But one key thing that changed (much for the better!), simply because it wouldn't have fit without slogging things down ...

In my Pilot pitch, Black Sheep's escape on the boat was off screen: we see Shadowsan corner her, then we cut away. The rest of the Faculty show up to find SS's broken sword on the rocks, and are led to believe BS killed him (!). In the present, Crackle points his weapon at Carmen and prepares to pull the trigger. We know that Chase is on the way and may rescue her. The compartment door opens to reveal - not Chase - but Shadowsan! Big surprise! Then we cut back to BS's escape and find out what really transpired etc etc.

Crazy, right? SS would have been hanging out with the gang in season 1; we might not have gotten to 203 with his back story, since his sword was broken and he couldn't return it. Just one of those magical things where "things work out" the way they are supposed to. THAT SAID, it made for a heckuva pitch

PizzaHorse:

Are there any characters that ended up taking a direction you didn't initially anticipate?

Duane Capizzi:

GRAY.

I didn't know we'd make him amnesiac when I wrote the Pilot, that was something we came up with in our first week Writer Room.

And even then, when it became clear he'd be a key piece of the bigger puzzle, we didn't know how exactly (mostly the Season 4 stuff).

We did get very deep with a version where 404 ended with his protective streak for Carmen kicking into high gear, and they would be fighting off Vile Guards back to back in perfect tandem. Then, having chosen Carmen over VILE, it was Carmen who actually orchestrates Gray going "off grid" so that VILE can never find him again. Funny, I know that is arguably the version of Gray's arc that many fans might have preferred seeing. But in the tradition of spy thrillers and film noir, and for a lone wolf character like Carmen who is focused on her life mission and not romance, we stand behind where we went with him. We felt it was so much more compelling ... and truly more emotional that he totally has a get out of jail free card when he sacrifices everything (including his life, potentially) to save Carmen.

when she needs him most!

I know I made some controversial comments about Gray "not being good enough for Carmen" and I'd like to clarify that I meant, until that final episode. What he did was so selfless and heroic. Is there hope for them in the future? Who knows?! But I do hope we get to explore that one day

I'm sure Gray is living off the grid somewhere now, inspired by Carmen's selfless good and thinking of her from time to time.

PizzaHorse:

You mentioned in the interview with Alicyn that Carmen is a love story, but you were cut off before you could finish discussing. Could you elaborate on your answer now?

Duane Capizzi:

Ugh, yes! Sorry about that. I actually answered that privately for someone so will cut and paste that response here. Let's see if it works.

Something we never said in the show, but something I imparted to the creative team was: Carmen Sandiego is (among other things) a LOVE STORY, where every character in our ensemble is in love with Carmen in one way or another. Even if they don't know it! That love can take different forms: we see how spurned by Carmen Coach Brunt feels and why she retaliates so excessively. Chase eventually comes to realize that he too loves Carmen, even if he wasn't initially aware of it haha. One of the most moving things to me about the series is how all of the different factions come to Carmen's rescue at the end when she's not "in her right mind," without knowing the others are there too. It's a massive group effort to bring back the Carmen they love. But we weren't looking for a fairy tale ending for Carmen with ANYone - Carmen's a classic lone wolf anti-hero, that goes with the territory. At least at this stage in her journey.

PizzaHorse:

Were there other locations that you wanted to feature in the show that didn't make it?

Duane Capizzi:

I think we managed to cover a lot of ground and "cadence" between different countries/cultures/continents was important to us. Many "iconic" locations of course, and it would have been nice to explore some lesser known locations if we had more episodes.

One that we almost did was Niagara Falls, Canada - actually literally going to the Falls and doing a big hydro-electric caper, where Player could actually get into the field with Carmen and the team.

But ultimately, we wound up bringing Player into the fold the way we did and wound up stronger as a result. It made his "first face to face" with Carmen even more impactful, IMO.

PizzaHorse:

Were there any changes in production between the first half and the second half of the series?

Duane Capizzi:

Well, there was that Covid thing

But while it was no doubt a colossal undertaking to get the entire staff transitioned to work from home (animators! and their equipment!), we managed to make up for lost time WITHOUT a dip in animation quality. My fedora's off to our amazing team at Wildbrain for pulling it off!

We did lose some staff between orders, but that is a natural part of production unfortunately. Namely, one of our episodic directors Kenny Park, our first storyboard artist Dennis Crawford, and our story editor May Chan were among those who moved on to other shows during the break. But, as hard as their shoes were to fill, fill them we did!

PizzaHorse:

What is your favorite season?

Duane Capizzi:

Easy. Hands down, Season 3.

(crickets)

KIDDING!

Again, another "they're all my babies" answer (and yes, I love Season 3 equally

It's hard, because really when you step back I'm sure you'll agree it's a series, with stand alone capers; but it's really all ONE BIG MOVIE.

Season 3 is like the scherzo of a symphony: the shortest movement of four, and the one that tees up the big finale.

That's my hoity toity answer but I'm going to put to rest all of the various theories on what happened with season 3. It was a combination of two things: Netflix's desire to experiment with different ways of "dropping" seasons, and their desire to do a holiday themed drop (in this case Halloween, naturally). It became our challenge to come up with a theme (easy enough: masks), and the bigger challenge to serve their need while not interrupting our ongoing narrative. A challenge to be sure, but a challenge met. I think the biggest bump was perception: it was a short season and I know that was disappointing to many. But, by design.

So, Season 3 = an essential part of the whole. I don't think there's a wasted episode, and it gets everyone into position for the big finish. I can't pick a favorite season - you can't make me

PizzaHorse:

Were there any characters you had wanted to give more time to but couldn't due to time/plot restraints?

Duane Capizzi:

Well, there's the "what was on the white board" answer but hopefully some of those ideas will see the light of day in some way, shape or form some day. I think if we had more episodes, we would have shaken up the internal dynamic of VILE a bit more (as hinted at Brunt's displeasure with Maelstrom for leaving her hanging out to dry at end of 405 - a seed we planted "just in case," as some have noted). And we had more scenes in mind with Chase's partnering with Carmen for the first time that we had to cut to the bone because of what little room we had in that otherwise packed episode (worry not: it's mostly more gags, more embellishment, more twists and turns - but the important stuff is there). Mostly, and I don't think it would have been right for Season 4 but I hope to tell in the future, I think there's an interesting history between Shadowsan and Lady Dokuso - possibly tragic - that I would love to explore one day. (She was a cameo in Duke of Vermeer at the dinner party BTW, I'm not sure if anyone noticed. And we built a bigger role for her out of that)

PizzaHorse:

What are some pre-2000/nostalgic Carmen references you snuck into the show? Do you have a favorite reference that was included?

Duane Capizzi:

Doing that was so much fun! I'd say roughly 60% of the characters were from previous iterations of Carmen, though often in name only. We had fun reimagining most everyone to make them more relevant or updated or giving them a more colorful personality for starters.

"Suhara" was Carmen's Japanese mentor when she worked at the ACME Agency in a flashback episode in the 90's series, for instance. I don't think I need to spell out how we turned that one inside out

And Tigress was also one episode only: she was a "rival thief" to Carmen, but revealed to be an ACME agent in disguise - a persona created solely to bait Carmen. It was really cool of course, but it seemed like untapped potential so we made her an ACTUAL Vile Thief.

My own internal rule was to make sure the references/easter eggs wouldn't confuse anyone - they were there for those who were in the loop and window dressing. The one and only time i broke that rule was Dark Carmen's line from 407: "I do it for the mental gymnastics." It was one of the most absurd lines from the 90's series (IMO) and i was determined to have it come out of Dark Carmen's mouth. I'm sure it left some 7 year olds scratching their heads

aside from that, the key references were the music: I still tingle at how we worked the Rockapella theme into the Interactive Special; and the 90's main title theme (composed by Mozart!), in our Vienna episode ("They're playing my song"). If you wanted Rockapella or Carmen as a bad guy, well ... be careful what you wish for!

PizzaHorse:

Was there any improvised content from recording sessions that made it into any episodes?

Duane Capizzi:

Yes! Not much, because a lot of it would have pushed us into TV-MA haha

Mostly Mary Elizabeth - Coach Brunt has a POTTY MOUTH!

Mikey and Abby usually riffed their banter WAY beyond what was on the written page and had us in stitches. Some bits definitely made it in! But mostly there was too much or it would get off point (hmmm, much like my interview answers maybe? haha)

Sharon Muthu did rise to Pun Goddess status with "Mask and you shall receive." And Raf pitched me "Chasse means hunt in French" after one session and I said: "I'm going to write that in." I don't think he believed me. You can't say I'm not a straight shooter.

PizzaHorse:

If you could get more season, would you do it, and what type of story would you tell?

Duane Capizzi:

Well if that hasn't been clear so far, ABSOLUTELY

There have been discussions of course. It's up to the powers that be at this point. I will say this: the beauty and tradition so far has been that every iteration has been its own thing. I definitely think there are more "different canon" versions of Carmen that can be had and be a part of this wonderful tradition. After all, there were many naysayers for our version when it was first announced.

I will also say that if we don't get to tell any more stories in this canon with these characters, we've left a perfect gem that will stand the test of time. I would rather go out on a high note than overstay our welcome.

All that said, we worked within the allotted episodes given, ended it as we wished, but left the door open for other stories. I'd love to do an expansion and a deepening: pick up where we left off; find out what happened in those two years; and proceed to do the equivalent of Godfather II or Better Call Saul as related to the amazing originals they followed.

Let's hope! Keep putting good vibes out there!

PizzaHorse:

If you could pick a character on Carmen Sandiego who'd you switch places with for a day (you get to control their life and they get to control yours) who would you pick, and why?

Duane Capizzi:

Okay, THIS is difficult. So you're going Freaky Friday on me?

on a Sunday?

Hmmm, I know Ivy would get along with my cat ... but then I'd have to hang out with Zack!

That's the trick: I can't pick my favorites cuz I couldn't hang out with them!

(not that I have favorites - they're all my babies haha)

Okay, I have one: ROUNDABOUT. I could fill Shadowsan's seat - how cool is that? Then, I could enact all my evil fantasies - but still have a get out of jail free card cuz he'd be sitting at my desk!

(cut to Duane being brain wiped - D'oh!)

PizzaHorse:

Who are two characters who don't really interact in the show that you think could be good friends or work really well together?

Duane Capizzi:

Hmmmm. Okay, now I'm going to give you quick and sassy answers. Gray and Julia! They'd be so cute banding together to rescue captive Carmen (for instance). And they could also duke it out and maybe settle things between themselves re: shipping controversies instead of dragging me into it

PizzaHorse:

The FINAL QUESTION. Have you learned anything super impactful while working on the show?

Duane Capizzi:

Aside from Iceland's terrifically low crime rate?

I think I have learned to never underestimate how meaningful characters can be to fans. Social media has obviously brought us a lot closer to our fan base in more immediate ways: it's been really gratifying to hear/see/read feedback and not be writing things in a vacuum. It's been gratifying to see that ideas that were meaningful to myself and the creative team on Carmen that were crafted with care, have also resonated with our fan base. THANK YOU TO EVERYONE who has traveled on this journey with us - for embracing Carmen's world view, and her friends and foes alike. Take care everyone! Stay safe! This has been fun, thanks for having me!

PizzaHorse:

HUGE thank you to Duane Capizzi: for being here today.

Thank you everyone for watching and reacting!

Duane Capizzi:

Okay, gotta run - just gotta find the door

Anyway, really: THIS HAS BEEN AMAZING. I speak for everyone involved in the creation and production of Carmen: it has been an amazing and inspiring series and we're elated to see it connect with such a CREATIVE, TALENTED and INTELLIGENT fan base. Take care everyone! Until next crime...

[bookworm-2692]

About a week ago I finally finished bookbinding @airdeari‘s beautiful Zero Escape fic The First Nonary Game. It took about a month (between all the waiting for glue to dry and also several days each week when I was unable to work on it), and was so much fun! It’s so satisfying to just... hold this book in my hands. 

Details about how I made it, along with additional photos (and commentary) below the cut.

So I came across this post on Tumblr, which immediately inspired me to try bookbinding myself. I spent a few days watching so many tutorials from the youtube channel linked in the post (I’ll link the specific tutorials I used in this post), and googling how to actually manage to print pages so they form proper signatures, because the inbuilt booklet creator in Word doesn’t exist in my Word apparently so that’s fun.

Anyway, once I started, I asked @airdeari for permission to print and bind his fic, and he immediately said yes, so that was good. Then I spent a good couple of days copying the entire fic into a Word document, and fiddling with formatting so it would look like an actual book (section breaks, page numbers, headers with the fic title on the left page and chapter title on the right page (this took ages to work and I kept on stuffing it up), and making sure things just... looked nice. I added in the art After The War that @keycrash created specifically for the fic (third pic above), and an “afterword” containing credit and links and the author’s notes from AO3 (because even if I’m the only one who will ever see it, it still feels weird to not add the credit stuff in so it’s there).

I then saved the document as a PDF, and used CheapImposter to correctly shuffle (impose, hence “imposter”) the pages so when folded into signatures, each page would be in the correct order. This program was the first free one I could find, and was great because you could specify the number of sheets you want per signature, rather than stuck with a default. I chose to have 11 signatures of 6 sheets of paper, since that was the amount that would have the least blank pages and the end of the book. The file was 261 pages, so with two pages per side, and two sides per sheet, you divide the number of pages by 4 to get 66 sheets of paper

I then printed. There was only one (1) paper jam in the process, which was great. Unfortunately, I realised after I printed that one of the headers for one chapter was wrong (I hadn’t properly disconnected the two chapters), but fortunately that only involved reprinting 4 sheets of paper.

I used the following tutorials to make the books: DIY Textblock, a general “how to make a textblock” tutorial; DIY Kettle Stitch, a specific look at the stitching for a textblock, since the first tutorial doesn’t focus on this; DIY Book Cloth, since I chose to use fabric for my cover; and DIY Hardcover Book, how to put all those pieces together.

So then I started folding all the signatures. I was watching so much Brooklyn Nine-Nine during both the folding and stitching sections, since it was repetitive actions I didn’t need to concentrate on that lasted hours.

It was at this point that I sliced each signature one by one to make the end smoother and less pointy. In future I recommend not doing it at this point - wait until the very end. Instead, move straight onto stitching. 

I don’t have any photos of the stitching portion, since my phone died the morning I started the stitching, and I wasn’t able to replace it until after all the stitching was done. In fact, originally all the photos from before the stitching were lost too. It was only about two days ago that magically the My Photo Stream thing kicked in and brought back all the photos - if it had worked two weeks earlier I would’ve had more. As it is, all photos from September to January are gone forever, unfortunately. But that’s another discussion entirely.

The above is the first book photo on my new phone, so as you can see, all the stitching was completed, the spine was glued, and the purple paper attached. I couldn’t buy two A4 sheets, so instead I had to buy one A3 sheet and cut it in half. Which was difficult cycling home from the city with an A3 sheet that didn’t fit in my bag on account of being A3 and not A4, but oh well.

I don’t have a book press, so I used a pile of DND books and my brother’s weights instead, as shown below.

I then had to re-slice the book after this point bc my first go wasn’t even, on account of slicing each signature separately. Next time definitely I’ll just do it at the end like this. I then also sanded it to make it smoother. It’s still not perfect, but it’s something that’ll take practice and patience so.

Next I made the book cloth, which involves using appliqué sheets to combine cotton fabric and tissue paper. But first I want to talk about the fabric I chose for the cover, because I’m quite proud of it. I spent ages wandering around the shop, trying to find something that fit the feel of the book. Spoilers for the content of the fic if you haven’t read it yet, and also for the source material (999/Zero Escape). I was thinking about some sort of blue swirl thing, because of the Gigantic sinking. I found that, but hesitated because it didn’t fully fit, and my favourite colour is blue so I always pick blue. I also considered flames/fire because of the incinerator thing, but couldn’t find any. I can’t remember if I just couldn’t find any four leaf clover fabric, or if I’ve just since thought about that as a cover. But instead I chose the butterflies below. They fit in several subtle ways that I’m proud of. The colours of blue and pink(/red) matching the receiver and transmitter coding all throughout 999, as well as the moments of purple as well (I don’t think I need to get into that, I’m sure it was analysed to hell and back when the game first came out). The butterflies also point towards the butterfly effect, and in turn the different timelines present in the series. So together it just works. /spoilers over

It’s also just a pretty fabric.

Now the making of the book cloth. I had to make it twice, because I was too impatient the first time, so the iron was too hot and it steamed, which wrinkled and warped the tissue paper, so the fabric was all wrinkly too. The second time took ages and was a worse quality appliqué sheet, but worked well enough anyway.

(My parents: did you have the iron out? what were you ironing? you never iron)

And then I cut the book board to size, using the measurements from the tutorial video. I’ll repeat them here: front and back cover: width = width of textblock minus 3mm, and height = height of textblock plus 6mm, and spine width = width of textblock spine, spine height = same height as covers

I then glued the board onto the book cloth, and put it under the book press. The dnd books are not large enough to cover the whole thing, and also I really wanted the board to stay flat and not curl, so I grabbed way more dnd books and way more of my brother’s weights. I also accidentally started putting the glue on the wrong side of the board (bc one side is smooth and the other is rough), hence the colour difference as well.

The corners were cut and folded and glued over...

And then the textblock was glued in, and put in my book press for a whole weekend. I added a sheet of paper to absorb the glue so the pages wouldn’t become wrinkly, but instead the sheet I added was fine and every other page in the book is wrinkly. So I dunno what happened there. After the weekend I took it out and looked at it, and then put it back for another week to be sure.

And then the complete book is shown at the top of the post!

As I was starting I was talking a lot about it, like about the process I had to go through, or how I was going to obtain what I needed, etc. Mum asked if she could read the story. I froze, like a deer in the headlights... because this is a fanfic. She saw my fear and immediately backed down, explaining she only wanted to read it because if the story was that important to me that I was going to literally turn it into a book, she wanted to read it to yknow like know me better or something? Which makes sense. And when I got over my initial reaction, and remembered that indeed it was technically my dad who introduced me to fanfic, and thought about it more, I said okay. Because since the fic is technically a prequel to the first game, and most of the characters are technically OC’s (like, from the first game we know that all eighteen children must exist, but most of them don’t have names or anything so they are effectively OC’s), then knowledge of source material isn’t strictly necessary. This fic can probably be enjoyed on its own. I mean I’ll probably have to explain the concept of morphogenetic fields, and the last four chapters might not make sense? But I’m okay for my mum to read it. So when she’s less busy at work I’m going to download the epub onto her phone for her - we’ll see how it goes.

Anyway, this fic is a masterpiece, extremely well written and I highly recommend it. As said, most of the characters are effectively OC’s, and yet they are all given such rich histories and personalities. All of them have access to the morphogenetic field, so I’m just so glad that @airdeari​ explores nine unique relationships with the field - nine unique sibling dynamics, and esper powers and abilities. It’s just so good.

[duhragonball]

‘21

Amidst all the popular hype for seeing the end of 2020, it didn’t hit me until about lunchtime what the real highlight is that I’ve been waiting for: For the first time since 1999, the year finally ends in “numberty-number” again.    It low-key irritated me that we had to call it “two thousand three” and I was relieved when “twenty-thirteen” caught on, but it still wasn’t right because it was too short, and now we’re back in the sweet spot, and I should be safely dead by 2100, so that’s one less thing I gotta deal with.

Really, even “numberty hundred” rings true to me.    “Nineteen hundred” sounds like a year.    “Twenty-one-oh-six” sounds like a futur-y year, which is even cooler.   So did “Two thousand five”, until I was actually living in it, and it sounds even worse now that it was a long time ago and adults will talk about their childhood happening in that year.    Daniel Witwicky would be old enough to get married and grow a fancier beard than me.    That’s nuts.    My point is that, honestly, it’s the year 3000-3019 that I have to worry about, so if I ever decide to go vampire, those will be the years I hide in the ocean or force society to reset the calendar, whichever’s easier.  

I spent New Year’s Eve finishing Superliminal, which I bought on Steam after I watched Vegeta play it on YouTube.  It has a similar look and feel to the Stanley Parable, so if you liked one you’d probably enjoy the other, although Superliminal has a different theme.  I kept hoping I’d find some secret passage that I wasn’t supposed to take, and a narrator would scold me for finding the “Chickenbutt Ending”, but it doesn’t work that way.    Superliminal’s all about puzzles and awesome visuals, but it does have the same soothing design aesthetics as TSP.   Honestly, I enjoyed just wandering around in Stanley’s office, and Superliminal does the same thing with a hotel and several other settings.   It’s nice.

This got me thinking about how I kind of did everything there was to do in The Stanley Parable, and I sort of wished they would add new stuff to the game, but I’m not sure there would be much point to that.    I could play the older version, but it presents the same message, just with different assets.   The Boss’s Office would look different, but it’d be the same game.   And this got me thinking about various “secret chapters” in pop culture.  Secrets behind the cut.

I first heard about this idea in the 2000′s, when fans invented this notion that there was a secret chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.    I read a website that tried to explain the concept, and of course it lauded J.K. Rowling with all this gushing praise for working an Easter egg into the book, a literary work of “well, magic.”  

That pretty well sums up my distaste for Harry Potter, by the way.    These days, JKR has thoroughly crapped all over her reputation and legacy, but in the 2000′s it felt like half the planet was in a mad rush to canonize her as a writing goddess, to the point where fans were congratulating her for writing secret chapters that didn’t actually exist.   The idea was based on lore from the books about Neville Longbottom’s parents.    They were patients in a mental hospital, and he’d go to visit them, and they would give him bubble gum wrappers, intended to demonstrate how far remove they’ve become from reality.   The secret chapter lies in those wrappers, which all read “Droobles Best Blowing Gum” or some such.    What if Neville’s parents were only pretending to be mentally ill, so as to throw off their enemies?   Naturally, they would want to stay in contact with their son, so the bubble gum wrappers would have to contain coded messages.    Said code involves unscrambling the letters on the wrappers to make new words, like “goblin” or “sword” or “Muggle” or “Dumbledore”.    The problem is that you can also use it to make other words like “booger” or “drool” or “booobbiess.”   Play with it enough, and you can make the code say anything you want it to say, which means it’s no code at all.   

But the idea was that the not-yet-published sixth HP book would reveal all of this gum wrapper nonsense, and Neville would decode the messages and discover all of his parents’ super-cool adventures.   I’m not sure why we needed a secret chapter if Book 6 was going to explain all of this anyway in several not-secret chapters, but that was the whole point.   Fans didn’t have Book 6 yet, and they were so desperate to read it that they started trying to extrapolate what would happen next based on “clues” from the previous five.    That’s like trying to figure out what Majin Buu looks like by watching the Androids Saga.   I guess some wiseguy would have guessed that he’d resemble #19, but that’d just be blind luck.  

And when you get down to it, this whole secret chapter business is really just a conspiracy.   This is literally how Qanon works.   Some anonymous jackass posted vague “hints” on an imageboard, and people went goofy trying to interpret them and figure out what would happen in the future.   They call it “research” because they spend a ton of time on this, but there’s no basis to any of it.    It took me a few minutes to figure out that you can spell “Muggle” with the words in “Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum”, but that’s not research and it doesn’t prove anything.   But all these guys keep looking for “Hilary Clinton goes to jail next week” and lo and behold that’s all they ever find.   

In the same vein, the gum wrapper thing was really a complaint disguised as a conspiracy, disguised as a “magical secret chapter”.   At least a few fans wanted to see more Neville in their Harry Potter books, they wanted Neville’s parents, or someone like them, to have cool spy adventures or whatever else.   The point is, they clearly weren’t getting what they wanted out of the printed works, but they didn’t want to turn against their Dear Beloved Author, so they started casting about for an alternative reality, one where J.K. Rowling wrote a cooler story and hid it in the pages of the one that actually went to press.    So instead of just saying “Hey, Order of the Phoenix was kind of a letdown, I hope there’s more ninjas in the next book,” they said “Rowling is a genius because I wanted ninjas and she’s definitely going to give them to me, I have the gum wrappers to prove it.”

The same thing happened all over again when the BBC Sherlock show took a turn for the nonsensical.    I don’t know from BBC Sherlock, but I watched the fascinating video critique by Hbomberguy, and it sounds like the show did tons of plot twists until it stopped making sense altogether in the fourth season.    If you skip to 1:09:00 in the video, you’ll hear about fan theories that suggested that season four was supposed to be crappy, as part of a secret meta-narrative plan that would be paid off in a secret, unannounced episode that would not only explain everything, but retroactively justify the crappy episodes that came before.    But it’s been a few years and it never came to pass, so I think we can call this myth busted. 

Most recently, I think we’ve all seen a lot of talk about the final season of Supernatural, where I guess Destiel sort of became canon but only one guy does the love confession and the other doesn’t respond.   But I guess he does say “I love you too”  in the Spanish dub, which means the English language version was edited for whatever reason.    It’s not exactly a secret episode, but the implication is that there’s more to this than what made it to the screen.    So the questions turn to what the screenplay said, what the writers and actors wanted to do, etc. etc.    My general impression is that SPN fans are a bit more used to crushing disappointment, so they’re not quite as delusional about this show being unquestionable genius, like Sherlock and Harry Potter.     Maybe this is an Anglophile thing?   Like, if you suck at something with a British accent, people will accept it more unconditionally?   

I had seen something on Twitter about how there should have been a secret Seinfeld episode in the 90′s.    Someone suggested it at the time, they tape a whole episode, then wait until 2020 to air it, because by then it would be worth a fortune.    But they didn’t do it, because it costs a lot of money to make a TV episode, and if you don’t air the show right away, you aren’t making that money back any time soon.    Yeah, you might recoup a fortune someday, but Seinfeld was making a ton of money then.    It exposes the fannish nature of the idea.    A fan would love to discover a cool secret chapter, but a content creator isn’t necessarily keen on making a cool thing and then hiding it where few people would find it.  

I thought about doing this myself recently.   Maybe Supernatural gave me the bug, but I thought “I’m writing this big-ass story, so what if I wrote me a secret chapter for it?   Wouldn’t that be cool?”     But no, it wouldn’t be cool, because it’d be the same work as writing a regular chapter, and the same stress I feel when I hold off on publishing it.    Except I’d just never publish it, I’d put it in some secret hole on the internet and hope that some superfan who might not even exist can decode whatever clues I leave.  

I mean, it’d be awesome if it got discovered and everyone loved it.    “Hey, I found this hidden chapter!   Mike’s done it again!”   And I could bask in the glory.   But what if no one finds it?  Then I just wasted my time, right?   I want people to read my work.   My monkey brain needs the sweet, sweet validation of those kudos and comments, folks.   Once I realized that, I understood why no one else would want to do a secret chapter either.    Easter eggs are one thing, but the bigger bonus features they put on DVDs were pretty easy to find, and with good reason.

I think that’s what made the Stanley Parable so appealing to play, because it teases you with the idea that you can “break” the game and find some extra content that you weren’t supposed to see, but as you go exploring all those hidden areas, it gradually becomes clear that this is just part of the game; you were meant to find all these things, and that’s why they were put here.      It’s hidden, but he secret aspect of it is just pretend.   

I suppose that what I like about games like TSP and Superliminal is the illusion of secrets more than the secrets themselves.    I like roaming through the hallways, having no idea what I might find ahead.    I kind of wish I could open all the doors, and not just the ones the game designers put stuff behind, but the reality is that there’s nothing on the other side.    I used a cheat code once  to explore the unused doors in TSP and it’s just a bright white field on the other side.   Interesting to look at, but not much of a reveal.   Honestly, the doors themselves are more appealing than anything that could lay behind them.  

And that’s probably what makes secrets so fun.   They could be almost anything, but once you open the present, the number of possibilities drops to one.   If they had ever made that Secret BBC Sherlock Episode, I doubt it would have lived up to expectations, but fans could amuse themselves by imagining what could have been in it.    In the end, though, things usually don’t justify the hype.  For every Undertaker debut at Survivor Series 1990, there’s a Gobbledygooker debut at Survivor Series 1990.   It’s impossible to manufacture a secret with a guaranteed payoff.   

[ohwereusingourmadeupnames]

roommates AU!! Maybe one where young Tony has had a string of awful roommates (ie. they bully him for his age, etc.). The housing office transfers him one last time and tells him to give it a week. If this one still doesn't work out, then they'll let him room alone. At first, Tony just wants the week to be over, but of course his new roommate is the sweet Peter Parker. Cue pining!Tony, oblivious!Peter and a fluffy resolution... Just my rambles, but always excited to see what you come up with!

do the thing - send in all the prompts.    

Nonnie, this was a lovely prompt - thank you so much for the idea! I aged Tony up a little bit to make sure there wasn’t anything underage, but I hope I hit all the things you were looking for! 

Tony always figured flying through school would be a breeze. And for the most part – it was. The class material turned out to be easier than even he anticipated; he could’ve easily gotten through high school with his eyes closed. At 16, the concept of winning was the only thing that registered to him – what he was winning, he didn’t really know; but beating out his peers around him always made him feel just a bit better about how ridiculously brainy he really was.

Of course, the social aspect of school wasn’t nearly as easy. Most people didn’t understand what it was like to be the son of Howard Stark – Tony knew the inside of a lab before the age of 4 and attended dinners with some of the world’s figure heads on a consistent basis. As one of the youngest people in the entire room always, Tony struggled to fit in. Being smart wasn’t the piece of school that people admired, especially when the age gap was already so substantial. To say he was picked on was putting it mildly.

He assumed getting to college would end all of the bullying that came pre-packaged in the high school experience. Why would people in the pursuit of a degree in higher education care how old anyone was? The shocking reality of how wrong he was came when his very first roommate locked him out of the dorm for a full 48-hours. Tony didn’t like to throw around the weight of his name, but he hadn’t showered and needed textbooks to get to some of his classes. Needless to say, his roommate did not remain in the room for much longer.

Tony’s next roommate at least lasted for the rest of the year – he was an asshole at all points in time, but he didn’t lock him out of the room or touch his shit. There wasn’t enough of a connection to ask him back as a roommate – so Tony put his name back on the list for a roommate and went about his summer vacation.

Coming back from Italy, Tony was refreshed and more than ready to get through the next year as quickly as possible. He’d turned 17 over the summer and was one step closer to being on the cusp of independence. Then, people couldn’t judge him for his age. Tony walked into the year with a positive attitude – that was quickly bat down by the homophobic bigot they stuck him with. Tony still didn’t like the way faggot sat on the surface of his skin.

The struggle to keep a roommate brought him in front of housing for what felt like the hundredth time – all he wanted was some peace to get through school and maybe enjoy some of it. The notoriety of the university kept the supply of single rooms scarce, but he figured if push really came to shove, he could find a way to get one for himself. Cindy, who’d been dealing with him since his first gem of a roommate screwed the pooch, looked at him with a mixture of pity and concern. “I need you to give it a go one more time, for at least a week. There aren’t any singles available and I’m certain that this person will be suitable for you. In the meantime, I’ll see what I can do if all else fails.”

A barely concealed scoff left his mouth, but he nodded, anyway. After the stream of lectures he got from his father when the initial trouble started, Tony was determined to settle the situation by his own means, even if that meant trying to stomach one more person for 7 days. All of his other roommates proved how terrible they were right from the get-go, so he figured he could make it – the other side held the key to his single and a little bit of peace from the boring monotony of societal norms.

A couple of days later, a knock on the door drew Tony from the book in front of him – he’d been balls deep in the chapter on electrical energy conversion. Standing up from his seated position, Tony realized how long he’d been sitting when his feet felt a little numb. The break was obviously needed.

Pulling the door open, Tony let a soft gasp leave his lips – the person standing there was the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen. Long legs led to a torso that was covered with a white and purple striped shirt and flight jacket. The length of this person’s neck held a head covered in dark brown, curly hair. Tony took a couple of steps back on instinct, his brain going haywire.

“Are you Tony?”

In an attempt to speak, Tony opened his mouth – no words followed, however. Blushing, he chose to nod instead. He opened the door a little bit wider, his hand swinging in a ‘come in gesture’. His lips were quirked into an involuntary smile, everything about his body he could usually control now running on instinct and the overwhelming hormones that coursed through him.

A soft chuckle left the other’s mouth, the sound like music to his ears. Why did it take this long to deliver someone like this to his door? More than anything, Tony hoped that handsome person walking into the dorm that must be his new roommate wasn’t a total piece of shit – he wanted to be able to hold out a little hope.

“I’m Peter – Peter Parker. I just transferred here,” the man, Peter, said – his eyes wandering around the modest fixtures that Tony kept around the shared space. “Is that really a big-screen TV?” Peter’s plumps lips formed a roguish grin, coffee-colored eyes flashing with genuine excitement. “I never thought I’d see one of those in a college dorm room.”

Tony watched him trace a hand across the top, his fingers fiddling with the wiring at the back of it. “And it has HDMI capability. We can get both of my systems set up on this thing.” Peter’s excitement took him by surprise, everyone else who walked through the door didn’t care about the cool shit he brought with him – just the differences between them; his age, the sexuality he refused to hide – his academic abilities, even.

Not Peter, though – he went on to explain that he was getting a degree in Electrical Engineering and didn’t get to have some of the newer appliances growing up. It was weird, to see someone so excited about the nerdy stuff Tony liked, too. They heartily discussed the best way to get both the Xbox and PlayStation set up through the tv without bogging down the cable setup already existing in the room. 

By the time they were both happy with how Peter’s things mixed into the fixtures of the room, Tony figured he was already head over heels for the guy – for the first time in his life, someone took him at face value and didn’t hate what they saw.

----

The rest of the year with Peter went by seamlessly. During the spring semester, they planned to have a class together, both of them still needing to take some of the basic engineering classes. There wouldn’t be a lot of cross over later in their degrees, so they took advantage. It was different, having someone he could rely on sitting in class next to him, and then being there at home later on, too. Tony never got to experience the sort of camaraderie that Peter so freely gave to him.

Mornings were filled with the two of them trying to make breakfast on the little hot plate Peter brought from home. It was always an adventure, trying to get everything cooked all the way through and evenly – at least, Tony enjoyed watching Peter puzzle it all together. Their day started together and as the time passed, it ended together, too. Peter liked to spend time in their shared space, so Tony found excuses to be out there, too.

Tony found himself seeking out Peter’s company all the time, if he were being honest. Peter was the most interesting person – he didn’t care about the normal things; he wanted to learn and explore, he wanted to see what the world had to offer. Best of all, he seemed to want to include Tony in the things he wanted to know more about.

A couple of months into their second semester living together, Tony looked up to find Peter staring at him. “What’s your middle name?” Peter asked, a smirk slipping across his lips. “Are you an Anthony, or just Tony?”

Putting his pen down in the book he’d been reading to keep his place, Tony shifted a bit and gave Peter his full attention. “My full name is Anthony Edward Stark. No one but my mom calls me Anthony, though.” Tony tried to keep the blush he couldn’t help under cover, but his ears were warm – there was no escaping it. “What about you? Are you a junior, or something?”

The exchange went on a for a while, Peter talking a bit about his family in Queens and the Brainiac’s team he left behind when he graduated and came to Cambridge. Tony soaked up the information and attempted to be open about pieces of himself, too – he talked about his dad and the weird relationship they had and about Dum-E and the never-ending tweaks and adjustments he made to better him.

It was a little easier after that conversation, both of them felt a little more comfortable and for Tony, he felt closer to Peter than any other person in his life. He hoped it wasn’t obvious, how much Peter meant to him. There were stars in his eyes constantly – so he kind of doubted it.

Even his mom noticed how things shifted for him – he wasn’t his normally surly self when he went home over spring break. Maria looked at him with a weird smile – Tony didn’t think he’d ever seen the look on her face before. “School okay, Tony?” she questioned, her hands brushing through the hair by his ear. He figured she missed the little kid he used to be – he would sit for hours and let her pet him like that back then.

Grinning, Tony nodded – his teenage hormones making it hard to keep himself calm, cool, and collected. “Yes, it’s okay. I’m doing well and really enjoying Differential Equations this semester.” He kept his answer brief, his inability to talk to her still in place despite the weightless feeling that accompanied him. “I’m thinking about picking up a class in the summer and sticking around.”

He didn’t tell her that Peter was involved in a work study program and would need to be on campus all summer working. It seemed silly to give up his bedroom in the place that was now his home simply because summer came around. 

Tony didn’t want to miss a single second of time he could be around Peter – no matter how weirdly pathetic that probably was. Later, when he left the kitchen and headed towards his room, Tony missed the smile his mom beamed his way.

Their end of the semester project was due a couple of weeks after they got back from spring break, so Tony and Peter spent a lot of time together when they got back from visiting their respective families. It was a little like the time away from each other strengthened the need for the bond between them. Peter spent more time in the dorm and when he couldn’t be there, Tony pestered him at work, the help desk more than familiar with him after all the time he spent there.

The closer they got; the more Tony wondered if Peter felt the same way that he did. Tony knew he was still young, his 18th birthday creeping slowly toward him. There were tons of great looking people on campus, people that were closer to Peter’s age – but he hoped, he crossed his fingers and looked up in search of a person he didn’t believe in just to send up a little wish into the atmosphere.

Tony tried to gage things between them a couple of weeks before the end of the semester – he wanted the summer to go off without a hitch and knew his useless pinning would be more of a burden than anything if he didn’t at least try and find out if he stood any chances. He wasn’t completely sure of how he’d try to fish out the truth, but he needed to – the probable thought of exploding crossing his mind frequently.

A perfect opportunity presented itself when Peter came home a little tipsy from a party that Friday night, his face split into a loose smile, eyes shining with the blaze of alcohol and something simmering just below the surface. Tony paused the round of Tekken he’d been playing, his hand patting the cushion next to him. “Have a good night?” Tony asked curiously, his lips slipping into a smile when Peter threw himself carelessly down onto the couch. Their shoulders brushed, that little bit of contact sending a torrent of happiness through him.

“I definitely drank enough to make it feel like it was a good night,” Peter replied, the alcohol letting the words fall easily from loose lips. “MJ brought 151 in a little flask – it doesn’t taste like shoe cleaner, so it was easy to drink a little bit too much.” He smiled and leaned further into Tony’s side. “Glad to be back, though.”

A nose brushed the side of his neck, Tony holding his breath to stop the gasp that tried to escape from the confines of his chest. He put the controller down on the arm of the couch and sat more fully on the couch – his arm going around the back of it. “I’m glad that you’re back, too,” Tony admitted, his hand moving inch by inch until his fingertips were just barely fumbling with the sleeve of Peter’s black t-shirt.

“What are you doing, Tony?” Peter asked from his place against Tony’s shoulder, his breath tickling his skin, the sensation distracting. He drew his bottom lip between his teeth and absorbed he warmth while he could – Peter nestled in the space Tony wanted him the most might never happen again.

“I – don’t know. I – “ Tony started to speak, but the common problem of getting a little tongue-tied around Peter coming back with a vengeance. “I think I was trying to put my arm around you.” He felt his face flush even further – his cheeks and ears the same colors as Peter’s without the influence of alcohol and its properties.

While he didn’t actually move away, Tony felt Peter stiffen. Sucking in a hurt breath, Tony froze, too – he must’ve read the room wrong. “Oh,” he heard Peter say, the word muffled by Tony’s skin still. He gulped, then extracted himself from the tangle of longer arms and warm skin – his eyes already starting to burn with tears he wouldn’t be able to control for much long.

“Sorry – I didn’t, I mean. I – sorry, Pete.” Tony babbled, the inability to speak in full sentences hitting him double time now that embarrassment coated the nervousness that threatened to overcome him. How stupid could he be? Turning before he could embarrass himself further, Tony made a quick beeline to his room and shut the door. He slumped back against it, sliding down to the floor.

----

Tony avoided Peter as much as he could leading up to the end of the semester, and subsequently, Tony’s birthday. He’d already made the commitment to stay over the summer, and he steeled himself for the awkwardness that would more than likely settle between them. The soft ‘oh’ Peter mumbled that night still played in his mind – his voice just as confused as the rigid posture of his body.

Either way, he needed to find a way to get over it – Peter was the best roommate he ever had, and he still had at least one more year of school to get through. It felt good to finish a semester and he did his best to focus on that instead of the weird ache in his chest. No wonder so many people were so wrecked by the love thing – when it didn’t work out, it hurt like an absolute bitch.

The two weeks before finals and Tony’s birthday followed much of the same pattern – Tony stayed in his room until he couldn’t stop the rumble in his stomach; he did his best to time his ventures into the shared space of the dorm when he thought Peter wouldn’t be there. It was easier to just ignore the situation and hope it past.

His birthday rolled around without much fanfare – he was glad to be 18 and didn’t need the huge party his parents wanted to throw him. They were never about him, anyway. Tony figured he’d spend the day watching the TV in his room and making his way through the couple different cartons of ice cream he put in the freezer the day before.

A knock on the door around 10AM had him muting the TV to answer it, his eyebrows furrowing when he saw Peter on the other side of the door. “Hey. Happy Birthday, Tony,” Peter started, the card in his hand being thrust forward into Tony’s chest without much finesse. The hand he could feel against him shook; Peter obviously nervous for some reason.

“Actually – that’s not why I’m here. I thought maybe you’d be more willing to open the door when there was something to celebrate.” Peter shrugged, his legs crossing in front of him. “Tony, that night – I wasn’t… upset, or anything. About what you said. I was surprised. I didn’t have any idea that you felt like that. It was a shock – I’d been crushing on you for months at that point and there you were, adorably trying to put your arm around me. You were gone before the ability to think started to work again.”

He reached out and traced Tony’s cheekbone with a soft finger, the caress barely there. “I like you, Tony – I want you to like me, too.” The fingers trailed along Tony’s soft skin and into his hair, the entirety of his hand palming the back of his neck when it got there. “And I think you do.”

“I do, Pete. I do. I really, really do.” Tony let both of his hands drift to the bare skin of Peter’s forearm, his fingers gripping the grounding warmth there. “Will you kiss me?” Tony asked the question so sweetly, the blazing in his eyes a sharp contrast

Peter used his lips to answer, the hand on the back of his head pulling Tony close enough to press their lips together. A gasp left Tony’s lips, the touch like an electric shock. In an attempt to keep his feet on the ground, Tony fisted Peter’s shirt in his hands, the move bringing them closer still.

The need for air had them pulling apart, Tony’s eyes opening wide to take in the look on Peter’s face – he figured the loopy smile there mirrored the happiness etched into his own cheeks.

“Want to go out with me, Tony?” Peter mumbled, his face breaking into a beaming smile.

Laughing, Tony used the grip on Peter’s shirt to pull him back in for a chaste kiss, his entire being thrumming with life.

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[fallfromthaliagrace]

Student Exchange- Percabeth AU

Chapters: 1/

Summary: Annabeth Chase gets little more than she bargained for when she helps Percy Jackson get used to San Francisco, Los Angeles.

(When I say that online classes were a nightmares, I meant. Though, it’s my last week of work!!! It has been almost a month since I posted and I’m so sorry. Also, I had writer block on this chapter so that’s why it suckssss and took forever. I have the rest of the chapter planned out so that’s hopefully going to go well. I’m hoping to finish this by June 20th, so chapter isn’t going to be once in a month lol.)

Warning: I can’t exactly remember but I don’t think so??

- 

Chapter 2.

A couple of days have passed by and Annabeth was surprised by Percy’s kindness toward her. I mean, you can’t really blame her- the twos have been rivals. (Though. she is kinda suspicious about it.)  Percy and the student exchange students had adjusted to the California lifestyle, so have the students of Jupiter Academy but in a different way; after the chaos that Leo Valdez brought to them on his first day in the school, the students had come with terms they’re going to be stuck with, dare I say? idiots. Apparently, Leo had accidentally knocked over an old historic piece of Camp Jupiter and shattered it but Renya had made it seem like Leo had just set the whole place on fire.  Annabeth has been helping Percy with his classes and etc. (if you can believe it or not,) and she noticed the ladies are obsessed with him. Annabeth finds it irritated but also, amusing that it has only been a week and the girls are acting like Percy is some hero or something. 

It was Friday afternoon, Annabeth was standing outside of Percy’s science class, waiting for him. Annabeth watches as Percy walks out the door, flashing her with a bright smile. Annabeth smiled back and asked, “Hey, how is your first week here?” 

Percy thinks for a minute before saying, “It has been good, everyone has been nice.” 

Annabeth couldn’t help but snorted, “I bet- the girls wouldn’t stop talking about you, in a good way of course.” 

Percy looked confused and raised his eyebrows, “The girls?” 

Annabeth stopped walking and looked at Percy, “Don’t tell me that you have noticed the girls flirting with you?” 

Percy shook his head and smiled sheepishly at Annabeth. Annabeth laughed and continued walking. 

“Uh-Annabeth? Do you have any plans for tonight?” Asked Percy as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“No, why?” Said Annabeth as she looked at Percy.

“Well… I was wondering if you could show around San Francisco?” Said Percy sheepishly, “Wait, are we even allow to leave?”

“Of course we can leave!” Exclaimed Annabeth, “And sure, I love to show around. But first, we need to ask Hazel and Frank for permission.” 

“Do they like, run the school, or something?” Joked Percy. 

Annabeth bit her lips before saying, “Kinda-... yeah, kinda.” 

Percy curiously looked at Annabeth then at the surroundings. Jupiter Academy was a place full of history and stricter rules, far different from Half-blood academy which was more at ease and chill for the students. Annabeth clutched to her backpack strings and walked down the stairs.

Students were chatting as they went off to their afternoon activities. Percy and Annabeth walked the main hall, hopefully, to catch Hazel or Frank so they could go off to explore the world of California. 

“Hazel!” Yelled Annabeth as she ran over to where Hazel was. Percy followed after her and caught up with her. 

“Oh hey, Annabeth and Percy!” Said Hazel as she finished talking with another student, “Percy, how is your first week here?” 

“Good. I have a question though,” Asked Percy, “Can Annabeth and I go explore San Francisco?”

“Of course! Just please come back by six for dinner.” Said Hazel. 

Annabeth nodded and Percy said, “Thanks!” 

Hazel smiled, “No problem, have fun!” 

Annabeth and Percy after saying goodbye to Hazel then going to their respective dorms to get their belongings. They met at the front doors and left. The sun hit them and Percy instantly shielded his eyes while Annabeth took out her sunglasses and put them on. The air was humid and noise from the nearby city could be heard, it was almost like New York. 

“Do you want to walk or take a taxi?” Asked Annabeth, “The city isn’t that far, some couple of steps.”

“Sure,” Said Percy, “Do you always go out on Friday afternoon?”

Annabeth blushed and said, “No, not really. I usually stay in and study or hang out with my friends. How about you?” 

“Well, I would usually practice soccer or I would also hang out with my friends.” Said Percy. 

“Soccer?” Asked Annabeth with her eyebrows raised, “I also play soccer, though I bet you already knew it.”  

Percy smirked, “I do, maybe we should have soccer competition?” 

“Nah-” Said Annabeth who tried to give her ambitious side a break, “No need, I know I’m better.” 

“Are you sure?” Asked Percy, “Cause I haven’t seen you play any sports since-”

“Fine, just prepare for your ass to be beaten though.” Said Annabeth as she glared at Percy. 

Percy only simpered and kept on walking.

Seven minutes later, they reached San Francisco and the busy streets of California. Traffic was horrible and it was no help that It was evening rush hour, on the sidewalk, there were so many people that Percy was glad he wasn’t claustrophobic. Annabeth took him to mission street to see murals painted in the ’80s. 

“Wow, it’s so beautiful.” Said Percy as he looked at a splash of different colors on the wall. 

“I know right?” Annabeth said as she admired the murals, “It was painted to speak about the injustice and human rights issues in Central America.” 

“Oh, that’s cool. There are things like this back in New York too.” Said Percy as he examined the murals. 

Annabeth nodded and said, “Yeah I bet, I saw something when I was there. Anyways, down this road is…” 

Percy’s mind wandered as he followed Annabeth down the street to see more murals. Annabeth had her hair into space buns and wore casual tee and shorts with high-top sneakers. And Percy didn’t want to mention but she looked cute. 

They reached the end of murals and Annabeth turned around and said, “Do you want to go back or do you want to see one more thing?” 

Percy grinned, “I want to see one more thing.”

“Okay, c’mon, we need a taxi.” 

They arrived at Annabeth's mysterious place and Annabeth made him close his eyes. He wiggled his eyebrows at that request and Annabeth hit him playfully. 

“There isn’t much time left but I wanted to show you one of my favorite places in San Francisco that I found after I moved here,” Said Annabeth as she led him through the top pillars.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Opens your eyes.” 

The sight before him was so beautiful. Across from him was a huge lagoon and he could see his reflection staring back at him. Ahead of him was the head of the building and he looked at Annabeth with amazement.  

“Wow.” Asked Percy.

“Is it lovely? This building is the Ogle the Architecture, it was inspired by ancient Greeks and Roman architecture. It is so peaceful, I was planning to visit it but hadn’t the chance yet till today.” Replied Annabeth.

“Just wow, it’s overwhelming but in a good way.” Said Percy which caused Annabeth to laugh.

“C’mon, let me show one of my favorite pieces.” Said Annabeth, taking Percy’s hand. 

After pointing out details from some of her favorite pieces of the building and explained some of them to him. It was a quarter to six and they decided to return back to school. As they exited the building, Annabeth said, “It was much pretty at night but we can’t leave the schools after six instead it's an emergency.” 

Percy nodded and smiled, “Then, maybe sometimes soon?”

Annabeth blushed. This was a low-key date if she had to admit. And she actually had a great time. Annabeth bit her lips and thought about it for a minute.

“Sure, sometimes soon.”

[mrwinterr]

The Consequence [4]

Series Masterlist || Main Masterlist

Pairing: Charles Blackwood x Female Reader

Summary: The reader is in search of Charles Blackwood as he’s been missing for several days and not once considering the warning that no good ever comes from being associated with a Blackwood.

Warnings: We Have Always Lived in the Castle spoilers (book and film). Smut (unprotected sex, anal sex, vaginal fingering, oral [female receiving], cum stuff - yeah, I said that), attempted dirty talk and language. Semi/non-canon elements to the original story. 

*Chapter 4 Warning: I’m not fluent in Italian, so I used Google Translate and various articles to see which were the most commonly used structure for the words and phrases mentioned in this chapter. The smut starts right under the gif and it’s the smuttiest thing I’ve written to date. 

Title Inspiration: “The Consequence” by You Me At Six

Disclaimer: There are characters, dialogue and references from the actual book and film, We Have Always Lived in the Castle. They belong to the author and I take no credit for any of these elements. 

A/N: I had the majority of this chapter written since September and that was also the month I had begun my "big girl job”...thus the downward spiral of my fanfic life. Whatever. I got really carried away in this chapter. Comments, feedback, questions, etc. – all welcomed here! 

P R E S E N T

In exchange for the sisters’ kindness, you offered to help them tidy up the house and fix things you could. This was probably one of the few times you were thankful your father had pushed household work on you since it allowed for you to move through the home effectively. You weren’t sure how long you were planning on staying there and the longer you did, the more you were separated from Charles, but what you did know was that these two had to have held the answers on where he was. You had to get on their good side. You just needed to buy more time.  

Your first full week at the house went well. Constance was very easy to get along with, perhaps a bit overbearing and naïve at times, but nonetheless very kind. One would never suspect she was accused of murder in the past. She was more than enthused to find someone who was just as acquainted with the kitchen than she was. Her bright attitude actually allowed you to enjoy yourself for a moment doing these things. On the other hand, Merricat kept to herself a lot. She wasn’t as accepting or open like her older sister. You decided to limit interaction with her for a while.

Earlier that day, while you were preparing to bake gingerbread cookies with Constance, you noticed a few missing essential ingredients such as sugar, so you had offered to go back into the village to pick some up along with a few other items and necessities. The amount of money Constance handed to you made your eyes bulge, only confirming the rumor that you heard when you arrived that this family was indeed loaded.

It was nice to get out of the castle-like house after being coped up in it for days. They didn’t even own a phone, so you thought about ringinng your friend should you find the time. On the route to the market, you got sidetracked and gawked at a nice dress through the window of a small pop-up shop.

The day was still young, so you decided to walk in and browse at the store’s collection. The pastel colored dresses of the Spring collection had you wanting to try them on. The longer you spent looking through the racks of clothing, your mind wandered to a particular dress you haven’t been able to try on. You were supposed to be searching for your perfect wedding dress with your friend soon, but here you were a few towns over trying to find your missing fiancé. You weren’t going to lie; it stung a bit thinking about your wedding plans being halted for the time being. Your thoughts were then broken by a woman’s voice, “that dress would look gorgeous on you, dear.”

You slightly shook your head and realized you had part of the dress you were admiring still in your grasp. To anyone else in the store, you’d looked as if you were examining it rather than lost in thought. Quick to recover, you looked over to give the elderly woman a polite smile, “oh, I was just looking, but you know these things only look good on the display,” you replied playing down the compliment.

“Oh, nonsense! I can tell you possess a different kind of stature from most woman,” she commented back. You weren’t sure what to reply with. She didn’t seem to take your silence as a negative thing before she introduced herself as Helen Clarke and continued to speak, “I haven’t seen you around here. Are you new?” She had a loud voice and was straightforward.

“I’m just passing by,” you said once you told her your name, keeping it short.

“That’s lovely. How are you liking it in our little village?” Oh, she was chatty, you thought to yourself.

“It’s nice,” you lied through your teeth. Aside from Stella, a lot of the people here were hostile, gossiped way too much or were a bit full of themselves. They made the most two hated people of the village, Constance and Merricat, seem as if they were the more tolerable ones. You couldn’t wait to find Charles so you could leave this crazy town and head back home.  

“Yes, it has its charm, does it? Say, I know the woman who owns this shop, would you like for me to get someone to help you try on that dress?” She was overly enthused and helpful as you shook your head, placing the dress back on the rack and quickly wanting to leave the shop.

“No, no. It’s alright. I must be going on my way to the market then back up on the hill before it gets dark,” you franticly tried to excuse yourself out of the situation but didn’t realize you spewed out too much information.

“Up on the hill?” She asked, as you also noted the volume of her voice had lowered, “you’re staying in the Blackwood house?” You eyed her warily before slowly nodding. “How are they? The girls. Are they safe? I’ve been trying to see if they’re okay, but poor things must be shaken from that night of the fire.”

You assured her that they were fine, but she didn’t stop talking, “I’ve been trying so hard to get Constance to return to the village after all she’s been through, but it seems I’ll never be able to help her.” You could tell that she wanted to help Constance and didn’t listen to the gossip about her, “she’s a lovely one and doesn’t deserve to be coped up in that house.” You silently agreed not knowing what else to say or do.

“I better get going,” you said trying to escape this conversation.

“Yes, I suppose I’ve kept you long enough. It was a pleasure to meet you, sweetheart. I hope to see you around. Please send my best regards to the girls,” she requested before you bid Helen goodbye, finally exiting the shop to continue your trek to the market.

After retrieving everything on your list, you phoned your friend and briefed her that you would be staying a few more days. You didn’t let on with too many details on where you were staying, concerned that she would come and drag you out of this village herself. You could just feel that the answers you needed were on the Blackwood property.

When you arrived back at the house, you assisted Constance in preparing dinner and soon you both dived into a topic about more recipes and gardening. It wasn’t really your forte, but you had to work with what you were given with. It was always slightly alarming when Merricat approached the two of you. She had a habit of just walking up quietly that it was kind of eerie, however you considered the result of her upbringing and adjusted to it.

As the three of you sat eating, Constance noticed the gold bracelet lined with tiny pearls wrapped around your wrist, “that’s a beautiful bracelet,” she pointed out.

You looked down to the jewelry on your wrist and smiled. The bracelet had been a gift from Charles. He loved to spoil you and who were you to deny him? “Oh, thank you,” you replied, holding the wrist the bracelet was on close to your chest, “it’s from Venice,” you beamed at the history of your bracelet.

“Italy?” Constance’s eyes widened as you nodded just as enthusiastic as she was in response. You adored Italy especially the last time you were there. You began to recount your trip to her including visiting the St. Mark’s Basilica, experiencing a ride on a gondola and walking alongside the many canals and bridges to admire the architecture. Your trip really piqued her interest.

“You should visit someday!” You encouraged her. Surely, with the amount of money she tried to shove at you earlier that day, they could afford a trip to Europe.

Constance flushed at the thought of exploring a new place, but you soon noticed a sense of sadness draped over her when she mentioned not even being able to barely step farther than her garden, especially not after recent events.

Trying to steer the conversation away from awkwardness, you decided to talk about the pop-up shop from earlier. You mentioned the many gorgeous dresses and accessories that would no doubt look great on Constance. She blushed at your words and shook her head trying to stay humble. You were really starting to feel bad that she felt she had to be coped up in this house in order to survive.

“How about you come with me next time?” You suggested trying to convince her to consider going back into the village, “you won’t be alone. We can both try on all the different dresses and then after find a nice place to eat; a little girl’s night out.” The least she could do was live a little and what better way than with retail therapy, right? “It’ll be fun! I’ll make sure nothing happens-“ you continued but your campaign was caught off.

“Amanita Phalloides contains three poisons: mushroom amanitin, which is slow but potent…“ Merricat started reciting. You looked back and forth between the sisters and realized what was happening. She was trying to change the subject. She probably felt threatened that something as simple as getting Constance to break out of her shell would disrupt their lives. “…phalloidin, which attacks the liver and kidneys and-,” Merricat attempted to continue until she was interrupted.

Surprising the sisters, you jumped in, “phallin, which dissolves red corpuscles although it is the least potent.” You noticed she stopped speaking all-together when your voices merged, her head snapped to your direction, but that didn’t stop you from continuing, “the first symptoms do not appear until seven to twelve hours after eating.” Your knowledge of the death cup mushroom seemed to catch her off guard and it made you feel good like beating someone at their own game. Neither sister said anything once you were done, but their gazes remained fixed on you. “It’s good to be aware of these things,” you said with a slight smug on your face before going back to finishing your meal.

That night in the room you were staying, you let out a sigh as you lied in bed. You draped your right arm over your eyes, but when the cool material of your bracelet hit your face, you lifted your arm to stare at the piece of jewelry you hadn’t taken off. Your left hand started absentmindedly tracing it until your eyes traveled to your engagement ring. They were beautiful indeed, but they were also reminders of your fiancé and you were really missing him. You almost slipped Charles’ name earlier when recalling the trip to Venice, in fact, you had to catch yourself a lot from mentioning his name as each day passed. He never left your mind. Before you dozed off you decided to replay the full details of that trip. It was the most heavenly yet sinful time of your life.

P A S T

It was your first visit out of the country and you were like a kid in a candy store. Charles was amused by you, but you didn’t care. You’d always dreamed about going to Italy even as far as wanting to settle here. There was so much to venture to, you both were lost in an endless maze of beauty, culture and history, and each other.

After a long day of touring the city, the both of you decided to cool down in the oversized tub inside the bathroom of the lavish hotel room. Charles reading something as you sat opposite of him at the other end of the tub, jotting things in your small notebook he’d gifted to you on your past birthday. This city gave you a lot of inspiration. There was a small window that overlooked the wondrous city while also at a level of decency to allow privacy for the occupant. Bathing together wasn’t something new, seeing as how intimate you both had become over the years.

You set your stuff aside and watched Charles turn the pages of what he was reading while occasionally whistling to a random tune. You took this opportunity to soak in the water, sinking in, closing your eyes and resting your head on the edge of the tub. That was proven to be short-lived as you felt Charles hands skim along your calves. Your eyes fluttered opened and you slid your body up slightly to look at him.

Charles’ hand reached across him, grabbing one of yours to pull you forward in his direction. A devious smile sprawled on his face when you chose to straddle him for a comfortable position. Arms wrapped his neck and legs on either side of him, Charles’ hands dipped in and out of the water as they ran up and down your back. His hair was slicked back from being wet and yours was loosely made up, some strands not cooperating in place and wet at the ends. He pulled you in by the nape of your neck to him so his lips could finally claim your own.

His hands snaked their way around to your breasts to grope them causing you to moan in response. He knew how to get you going with and without foreplay. You started to rock your hips and rub your pussy on his hardening cock. He detached his lips from yours to suck in a harsh breath at the feeling. He just couldn’t wait to get inside and feel you. Quite frankly you couldn’t wait for that either, so you didn’t. You raised yourself up a bit and gripped his cock. Without breaking eye contact, you slowly sink down his hard length, the both of you groaning at the feeling of him stretching you the deeper he slipped inside. You took his cock so well and he absolutely thrived on it. His hands settled on your hips to help guide you up and down until you found your own rhythm.  

“You’re so sexy,” he said breathlessly as his hands left your hips to do their own thing and instead gripped the edge of the tub, watching you ride him. You placed a hand on his strong chest while the other was loosely wrapped around his neck as you brought your lips down on his, tongues not hesitating to dart into each other’s mouths. Your hand slipped down his chest and into the water to reach down behind you and cup his balls, palming them. “Oh my…fuck,” Charles growled against your lips. You took his bottom lip between your teeth and grounded harder on him. He was so deep; you let out a moan each time you felt the hairs on his lower abdomen rub against your clit that only layered thick onto the feeling brewing in your lower region.

At some point, his hands regained purchase on your body and started to buck his hips upwards to add onto the work. His movements were so fast, it was your turn to hold onto the sides of the tub for some stability. Each thrust sent a new wave of pleasure through you that you almost found it hard to catch your breath. You thought you might as well be drowning in this tub as he brought his mouth to one of your nipples while the other was being taken care of by his skilled fingers.

You watched as strands of his hair fell out of place, him bite his lip and eyes squeezing shut. It was a tall-tale sign that he was close to coming. The sight of your orgasm racking through your body and its effect on him, the way your eyes glossed from the pleasure, lips parted to let out inaudible gasps, chest heavily rising from trying to catch your breath, legs quivering, and your pussy clenching tight around his throbbing member, were your tall-tale signs for him and things that didn’t make it hard for him to follow you into total euphoria.

You grabbed his face in your hands and slammed your lips to his once more as you felt his cum continue to shoot through inside of you repeatedly. The movements slowed down, but didn’t stop because it felt so good, the warmth provided to each other, you both didn’t want it to end there. All that could be heard was water sloshing and the faint noises of the city outside mixed with each of your uncontrollable pants. There was no self-control whenever you both lost yourselves in each other.

Walking along the cobblestoned pavements, footsteps echoing, you started to reflect how happy you felt. There were no worries, and no one here judged you. It was a busy city packed full of people, but the only person that stood out to you was the man holding your hand. You looked down at your hands clasped together and a faint smile made its way on across your face when you looked at the new accessory adorned your wrist.

Sometime during the day, Charles stepped away from you to speak to a native of the city in Italian asking for directions. As much as you loved to hear him speak in a different language, your eyes wandered at the many shops along the strip. A sparkling display caught your attention as you started gravitating towards the jewelry in a window of a store that sounded like it was out of your budget. You weren’t sure how long you were admiring the piece until you felt Charles’ hand at the small of your back, breaking your trance. You tried to convince him you were only looking, even though you thought it was one of the most gorgeous pieces of jewelry you’ve ever seen. You didn’t even wear much jewelry either because nothing like this was as dazzling back at home or you definitely couldn’t afford it. He reiterated that he wanted to spoil you as if this trip wasn’t enough. He gave you everything.

The city was just as breathtaking in the night than it was in the day. From the top of the balcony of your hotel room, you overlooked the people whose nights were just beginning, the streets and the gondolas that were slowly drifting in the water, which seemed to sparkle casted by the golden glow illuminating from the streetlamps. The cool breeze swept your hair away from your shoulders exposing your neck and causing you to slightly shiver as you stood there in a long white backless dress. The trip was nearing its end and Charles had taken you to an elegant restaurant that you couldn’t read the menu to, so Charles took care of everything.

You instantly warmed up when Charles encased your body with his arms snaking around your waist before settling on each side of your hips and pressing his body against your back. Your hair blown aside from the wind allowed him easy access to plant a kiss behind your ear. The action stirred a small tingle in you. The response tightened his grip when he felt you involuntarily shiver with each contact his lips made on your skin. He progressively started to lick and nip at your ear lobe before kissing a trail down along your neck. You leaned into his body, head cocked to the side and thrown back to rest on his shoulder, providing him full access, your hands grasping onto his forearms for some stability as you slowly started to unravel for him.

Charles then spun you around to face him, “you’re so lovely,” he said just audible for the both of you to hear as he stared at you. You wanted to melt in his hands as he ran them down your exposed back. He leaned in to place a gentle kiss on your lips. It held a much deeper emotion to it, but you didn’t linger on to that thought too long as he pulled away from you too soon for your liking. He chuckled lightly at your eagerness and brought a hand up to cradle your face. When you opened your eyes to look at him, like always, you found yourself lost in sea.

“You’re it for me, baby,” he said before one of his hands reached down his pocket to produce a small, black velvet box. They said your life flashes before your eyes when you die, but can the same be said for love? Because the last few years with Charles flashed before yours as you stared at his hands opening the box to reveal a generous sized ring. Was he it for you?

This was a man who appeared out of nowhere in your life during one of your breakdowns, enlightened a whole new vision and version of yourself that you didn’t think was inside of you, including developing a sense of confidence and thick skin. You came to the conclusion that if you died and your life did flash before your eyes, you definitely wanted Charles to consume and star in it.

You didn’t let Charles finish whatever speech he put together before you pulled him in for a kiss. A kiss that embodied the unique bond, exploding throughout both your bodies. When you pulled away, you watched as he let out another chuckle, licking his lips before speaking, “so is that a yes?” You playfully rolled your eyes at him and confirmed your acceptance. After he slipped the ring on your finger, you raised your hand to examine it. You weren’t admiring its size, shape or beauty, but what it represented. He was everything.

The last day in Venice started out quite interestingly and would become unforgettable. No doubt you and Charles spent the night before continuing to celebrate the first step to your promises of spending forever with each other. You were spent to say the least. Your body felt heavy as you lied lazily on your stomach, arms tucked under the pillow your face was buried into. Unbeknownst to you, the white bed sheet that covered your body began to slide down, exposing you and then seemed to stop just below your lower back.

If the cool temperature of the room didn’t stir you awake, it was the set of warm lips that were leaving wet trails down your spine. A pair of strong hands on either side of your body started to make their way up from your waist, along your ribcage, brushing the sides of your breasts and back down. You let out a tired noise, not exactly ready to get up.

A tolerable amount of weight was placed on top of you, slightly sinking you deeper into the mattress, but enough to let you breathe. Hands traced your arms underneath the pillow your head rested on before fingers intertwined with yours. You peaked one eye open just in time for your new fiancé to place a kiss on your cheek, down any patch of skin visible to him, from your neck and between your shoulder blades.

Charles started to slowly shift his body up and down along your ass through the sheets and hitting the skin of your lower back that wasn’t covered, allowing you to feel his stiff member. Even between the sheets, the friction the threads created between the two of you felt just as good. It gave off some sense of thrill knowing what’s to come soon. You focused on how his breathing started to increase the more he started to ground his hips into you.

“Mmm…baby,” you whined when a particular thrust was noticeably harder than the previous ones. The sharp movement had you involuntarily squeezing his hands in yours and your hips retaliating by bucking back up to meet his.

You heard him hiss at your sudden reaction and release your hands. The next thing you knew, warmth had left you momentarily as he sat up. Before you could turn over and see where he went, your head left the pillow as you got dragged to the center of the bed, lower body hoisted up. You were now bent over, ass in the air, the bed sheet gracefully falling down to your bent knees that were dug into the mattress. Charles ran his hands along the sides of your thighs before settling on top and grabbing a handful of your flesh in each of his palms. He wedges one of thighs in between your legs to knock them apart, enough to give him room to work with.

Those lips that left wet tracks along your spine earlier were now leaving scattered nips and kisses on your ass, while one of his hands snaked its way around one of your thighs to the front and stopped at your clit. Slow small circles and the combination of soft kisses, this tender side of him was always refreshing and you knew it wouldn’t last, so you tried to bask in this moment.

Then you felt the familiar structure of his face pressed between your cheeks and Charles poked his tongue out to lick a strip between your folds. It didn’t take long for him to buildup on his routine of fucking you with his tongue. He continued to rub harsher circles on your now sensitive and soaking bud and the hand, that was helping you stay balanced on your knees from giving out due to the immense pleasure you were feeling, left its place, only for Charles to insert a finger inside you – his tongue and digit taking turns in you. You gasped when he took it upon himself to insert another finger and experimentally spread apart inside you.

“Fuck, babe. I can’t believe how tight you are,” he groaned as he attempted once more at a scissoring motion inside your pussy, marveling at the sight of stretching you out.

His hands were doing quite a number, you started to feel your arousal sliding down your thighs and sweat gathering on your forehead. “…mmm, but you’re always tight, aren’t you?” His voice now laced with a huskier tone, “no matter how many times I stuff my big cock in this pussy,” his words egging you on while he also nipped at your inner thighs.

The bed shifted as Charles sat back up, his bare cock now settled between your ass. He started to slide his hot, hardened member much like he did several minutes ago, but this time nothing was between the two of you. You could now perfectly feel every ridge and vein rubbed up against you mixed with the pre-come that collected itself on its tip. Charles bent down to nip at your ear lobe that wasn’t pressed against the mattress and started to encourage you to chase your orgasm.

His fingers hadn’t left your clit, but the rhythm grew very relentless, and you knew you were going to be feeling its bruising effect later on. Your thighs began twitching the moment you finally reached a peak that erupted, breathing labored and fistfuls of white linen now in your tight grasps.

Charles whispered soft praises in your ear and started kissing another path down your spine. Your lower body was about to finally give out until he caught your hips and kept them steady. You let out a small wince of pain as the skin of your knees started to burn and become slightly sore from being dug into the sheets too long.

You could hear the wet sounds as Charles fisted his cock, coating it with your juices that soaked his hand. He dragged his heavy member though your folds, gathering more wetness and you braced yourself for the next intrusion, but then you felt him linger and slide against the ring of tight muscle, the tip slightly grazing it. He’s only once attempted entry in your backside, and surprisingly he didn’t even put up much of a fight for it back then, so this set an alarm off in you.

“What-“ you tried to sit up on your elbows and speak up, but you couldn’t. You were vulnerable, wrecked and weak, as if your body unwillingly surrendered to him.

You face planted back onto the mattress as Charles pushed you back down roughly onto it with one hand and then resumed his task, “you trust me, right, baby?” you heard him speak from behind. Your heart started racing. You weren’t sure if you were ready for that. Then you thought back to the first night with him and the small amount of insecurity you harbored resurfaced. The familiar question of trust and fear of losing him. You turned your head to the side and you squinted as you stared at the ring that sparkled harshly from the ray of sunlight that peaked through the crack of the curtains. He just chose to spend the rest of his life with you, but you sold yourself to Charles a long time ago.  

You nodded against the bed, but that didn’t seem to suffice for Charles because the next thing you felt was a sharp pain run through your scalp as he grabbed a fistful of your hair in his hand, neck snapping back to pull your head up.

“No, I need to hear you say it,” he demanded.

You braced your palms in front of you to help support your body in this position before responding to him, “I-I trust you, Charles.”

“You want this,” he stated and you could feel the tip right at your hole.

“I do. I do want this. I want you, Charles,” you confirmed before letting out a low groan.

It was all he needed as he slowly inched the thick bulbous head of his cock inside you. Charles let out a straggled groan at how incredibly tight this entry was. You tried to put on a brave act, but the pain had you second guessing all too quickly.

“Ch-Charles, it’s not gonna fit, baby, st-“ you struggled to speak.

“Shh, baby girl. Yes, it will,” he was quick to cut you off before you could tell him to stop as he tried assuring you while continuing to push his cock all the way in. Wanting to please him, you toughed it out and waited for the initial pain to pass through. It would be worth it in the end.

A new sensation started to bubble up inside of you. It was rather conflicting because on one side you felt as if you were being ripped apart and then the other pleasure began to consume you. Charles filled you and he filled you up really good.

With a quick snap of his hips, he fully bottomed out. You let out a loud yelp from the stinging feeling of his forceful action. His grip still in your hair, he started to build up a rhythm - fast. You hardly had any time to adjust to this new position, but he wouldn’t deliberately cause you any pain, right? The truth was it did hurt at first, but soon enough that sensation that was brewing in your lower abdomen started to boil with each shallow thrust and you were about ready to burst.  

Your head was swimming as he left sloppy kisses to your tear stained cheeks. At some point, your eyes began to water from the pain and pleasure. Your mouth hung wide open and eyes half-lidded, you struggled to keep them trained on him. A particular thrust whipped out a wanton moan out of you, signifying you were enjoying this, and Charles laughed. He was actually laughing at you.

“Ragazza sporca,” he said more to himself. Dirty girl. You were his dirty girl, alright.

You didn’t know what he said, but you still heard him. Your body began to slump forward and he let go of your hair. That now free hand found its way back to the bundle of nerves of your sensitive clit. You were moaning uncontrollably and that boosted his ego. All that could be heard throughout the room was a remix of moans, a faint squelching wet noise and skin slapping.

You let out a small cry when the built-up sensation in you just snapped. The juices from your orgasm started cascading down your thighs, leaving a damp spot on the bed. Charles wasn’t that far behind. It came as a surprise when he pulled out, leaving you gaping and quickly flipped you over onto your back before finally releasing streams of his warm cum onto your stomach even projecting as far as towards your breasts and neck.

“Fotter mi,” Charles said breathlessly while admiring the mess he made upon you. Fuck me. He plopped down on the spot next to you and gawked at your sated form, chest rising and his cum sliding down the curves of your body, “mi fai impazzire,” he commented. You make me crazy.

After a couple of minutes, Charles got up to retrieve a washcloth and hastily cleaned you up for now. He brought the sheet back up to cover your bare bodies and lied down behind you. His hands rested right below your breast with your own smaller ones trying to encase them and his head nestled in the crook of your neck, where he lulled you to rest with litters of sweet kisses, but before you dozed off again you heard him say one last thing, “baby, you and I have many plans to make when we get back home.”

P R E S E N T

You weren’t really sure if those plans were already set in motion or going to happen or what he was exactly even talking about as you sat down at the front steps of the house. You were taking a small break after trying to help clear out the front yard of the destroyed furniture and other objects.

The sisters didn’t seem to want to do it or it was the last thing on their list – most likely having to do with the fear of being caught by someone from the village, so you took it upon yourself. Besides it allowed you to come out and get some fresh air as you couldn’t understand being coped up in this big house for that long.

A slight movement within your distance suddenly broke your thoughts. You squinted to try and get a better look, but what you weren’t anticipating was it be a cat. A black cat was sitting a few feet away from you, staring at you. You started coaxing the cat to you, believing he was a stray. The cat slowly walked in your direction but stopped before studying you.

“Here, kitty,” you continued to allure the cat to you, “I won’t hurt you.” He ultimately was convinced and hopped onto your lap. You let out a small chuckle and smiled as the cat snuggled close to you, “you’re a handsome cat, aren’t you?” you said returning his affection.

Constance’s voice calling out to you pulled your attention away from the feline. You stood up, the cat still in your arms, and before you stepped back inside the house you stopped to think if it was okay to bring an animal inside. Were the sisters allergic to cats? Constance’s insistent request for you didn’t allow you to think too long and you decided to just bring the cat with you. You met Constance in the kitchen and stood a little weary, a bit anxious to see her response to you bringing in an unknown animal into her home.

“There you are! I wanted to ask if you can help with preparing…,” Constance started but once her eyes landed on the cat in your arms, she lost her train of thought. You started petting the cat to keep him calm and waited to see what Constance’s next reaction would be. “Oh, you’ve found Jonas,” she said with a smile now on her face.

“Jonas?” You inquired. She knew this cat.

“Yes, he belongs to Merricat,” she explained, “we haven’t seen him in a few days. Oh, will Merricat be delighted to see him.” 

“Jonas,” you said with more sound, now knowing what to call him.

From the corner of your eye, you could see Merricat from the other room, avoiding your gazes as she tried to quickly walk past the kitchen until she was caught by Constance, who called out to her.

“Oh, Merricat! Come here! We have a wonderful surprise for you!” She boasted.

You heard Merricat’s footsteps draw near and when you turned around to face her, she stopped and stared at Jonas in your arms. She had that same blank look on her face but with a bit more sense of shock surrounding her aura. She must be very protective of Jonas.

You extended your arms out a little to offer her cat back to her. She began to reach out for him, and you took notice of the dirt embedded deep in her fingernails. 

Was she digging something? 

Nonetheless, she quietly thanked you as she started petting Jonas. You gave her a small smile, believing maybe she was finally warming up to you.

Later that night, you were frantically digging through your suitcase in search for your notebook. It was your current notebook, the latest on that Charles gifted to you and the one you were writing in the day before he left. Clothes scattered the floor, toiletries and accessories shoved off and knocked over on the dresser and pillows and blankets all in disarray. Moisture began to build up and cloud your vision, but it wasn’t deterring you from panicking on your notebook’s whereabout.

You plopped down on the bed and heavily sighed in defeat. You could’ve sworn you’d packed it in your bag and taken it with you. It contained a lot of personal anecdotes of you and Charles and other random photos, works or drawings. 

Your life was in that journal. It wasn’t with you and if that wasn’t you, Charles’ absence only felt even stronger.

You just wanted to go home now.

A/N: Well, you survived this chapter. I have the last two planned out, but nothings actually written yet since I’m literally married to my job. 

[ravenaveira]

Ok, time for my review of Kh3 Re:Mind Dlc

This is gonna be long, so be prepared, and yes there will be many spoilers so if you dont want spoilers of the game then you probably shouldnt read this, but if you dont care then stick around.

I will start off with my unbiased and critical opinion.

From the title menu alone you already know what this game is gonna be about. Kairi is gonna be center focus, or should say specifically Sokai, and Riku will be virtually non existent.

Now I know what your thinking, well duh its all about saving Kairi of course Riku wont have that big a role and she’ll be the main focus, and to that I say no shit sherlock I already knew that. My issue isnt that it was Kairi focused because I already knew that and still pre-ordered the DLC, but my issue is what this title screen represents and my fears were proven correct.

Let me elaborate

Riku is just as much of a friend to Sora as Kairi is, from the beginning of the series its always been Sora, Riku, and Kairi, thats the way its ALWASY been. But from this title screen I could tell Riku’s bond with them wasnt gonna be present at all and I was right.

I’ll elaborate further

I know Im jumping way ahead here but bare with me, at the end of the game after Sora rescues Kairi they travel the worlds together, Sora notices he is fading away which is why he goes to the many different worlds he has visited but now with Kairi, spending his final moments with her before he finally disapears.

See the problem? Sora doesnt involve Riku at all in his final moments being alive, he is just completely absent during his entire remaining life. Sora only spends time with Kairi during his final moments, Riku wasnt shown with them once.

I know some people say well we dont know how long Sora was alive before vanishing and he was probably the one who organized the party, but did we see that though? did we see any signs that Sora was alive for more than a day or two? did we see Sora talking to anyone like he was setting anything up? NO, it was all about Kairi and Riku was completely forgotten.

I can understand if Sora wasnt dying then it wouldnt matter how much time he spends with Kairi alone, but Sora was fading away ANY SECOND and he didnt spend any of his remaining time with Riku at all, even at the beach party who is Sora sitting next to alone with before he finally vanishes? Kairi. That is inexcusable and a huge insult to Riku and his bond with Sora, hes just completely excluded, that is unforgivable.

These new added scenes to the ending actually made it worse than the original version of it, before we didnt even know Sora was around for more than a day and just assumed they all had a beach party afterwards to celebrate getting everyone back and saving the world, but now we know Sora was actually around for an extended period of time and made no effort to spend time with anyone other than Kairi, not even his best friend Riku did he spend time with for his final hours, that is despicable.

Another major issue is how Sora keeps saying his journey started with losing Kairi in this game, as if Riku wasnt ALSO lost that day, as if Riku wasnt the reason Sora kept on his journey even after saving Kairi and sending her back to Destiny Islands, as if he didnt fall to his knees and bawl his eyes out finally reuniting with him, as if he wasnt content with spending the rest of his life trapped in the Realm of Darkness with Riku, as if for the entirety of the base game of kh3 Sora wasnt constantly and only thinking about Riku and how many things he wished he could show him.

Apparently in Remind none of that happened, none of that mattered, it was Kairi that was his main motivation, it was Kairi that started his journey, Riku wasnt involved in it at all.

That is a huge issue with this DLC, it treats Riku like a side character and of little importance to Sora, in the base game they handled them fine minus that on instance in the Keyblade Graveyard where Sora says ‘Alone, Im worthless’ even though Riku’s right there but other than that their relationship and bond was handled very well but in Remind? practically non existent.

Now onto the story aspect, if your not into time travel and have trouble understanding the many variations of it then your gonna have a bad time because it gets VERY confusing to follow, which is why you should never introduce time travel because it becomes way too complicated to keep track of and not only that you also have to worry about things like paradoxes, ripples in time, alternate timelines etc. Its a complete clusterfuck to keep up with and manage so time travel really shouldnt have been introduced in this series.

Chirithy tells Sora that no matter what he cant change the past again, yet there are times where Sora does just that so exactly what cant he change? for example, when Roxas appears he asks Sora to do him a favor which is essentially getting the X back from Xemnas in their names. Sora does several things to make this happen and even Kairi gets a couple swings at Xemnas this time but then the two of them are basically caught and restrained inside shadow balls [pause]

See the prob? this is a huge change to that fight, Kairi never took a single swing at Xemnas, she just stood there and got snatched up, Roxas never asked Sora for help getting the X’s back from Xemnas, and Sora and Kairi never got restrained by Xemnas and knocked out.

Chirithy explicitly said Sora cant change what happened and no matter what he has to accept it for what it is, yet here he is, changing what happened. Maybe you could argue well this is an alternate timeline, even if it is that makes all of this irrelevant and means it never happened because the true ending is the one where it didnt happen, making this semi useful Kairi moment really pointless because at the end of the day its not canon, her being useless is the true outcome, none of this matters.

That is extremely disappointing, so even if you alter the past for the better it doesnt matter because its an alternate timeline and that timeline isnt the real one making this whole redo pointless and time consuming for a short DLC that was an extra 30$ to play.

So the time travel is very confusing and even if you follow it, it ends up being very disappointing when you realize none of it matters.

Moving on to some of the tied loose ends, Im glad they explained why Aqua froze up after saying ‘We stand together’ and I like how we get to see how Young Xehanort came to have the beliefs that lead to what he did and also MOMs subtle influence on him succumbing to darkness.

He told Xehanort that he would outgrow the robe and no longer need it because if he was truly powerful then he’d be the one controling the darkness, this leads to Xehanort later begining to travel without the robe and being corrupted. So we know now that MOM also influenced that as well and is very sketchy, even more now than he was before since this action greatly influenced what Xehanort eventually does and all the pain he caused, all of which would have probably never happened if it wasnt for him.

But thats just my theory and what I got from it.

I liked that we got to see Namine for a brief moment where Sora basically brushes her off and completely forgets about thanking her, this is a plotline Im pretty sure at this point is just never going to get resolved. He just tells her to go to the Final World and walks off, which makes no sense because Sora was surprised to see her in the original playthrough.

Another change was Lingering Will dying to protect Sora, again this never happened because Sora was busy fighting alongside everyone in the maze while Lingering Will and Terranort were fighting away from them. After Lingering Will died for him then Sora is pretty much squeezed to death by Terranorts Stand, or atleast knocked unconscious.

So much about these are just so confusing as to how they are happening when Chirithy said the events couldnt be changed I just stopped questioning it.

But atleast this time its made clear that Namine is the one who sent Lingering Will to help everyone and how she did it, so now people can stop saying Kairi is the reason everyone survived because it wasnt, without Lingering Will they would have all died a second time.

Basically the first half of the DLC is just recap with some minor changes and additions to the cutscenes, you get to play as other characters like Riku [optional] Aqua [not optional] and Roxas [optional] but other than that its basically the same thing all over again for the first 3-4 hours of the DLC, that is ridiculous.

The new content finally starts when Kairi is shattered, funny how the game gets good after Kairi dies xD I’ll stop.

Anyway once Kairi dies is when we finally get explorable Scala, but not without having to endure an insane fight with tons of heartless and nobodies and yes its more complicated than you think. It doesnt matter how many heartless or nobodies you kill, they will keep coming until you kill this one red heartless with way more health than your average heartless has.

After that you can pretty much wander around Scala as you wish and this is the only time where you can buy items or food so make sure to do that if your low on items. If your low on money there are minor enemies there that you can kill to get some so take advantage of this opportunity because your not getting another one.

Your goal in Scala is to basically run around, solve a couple puzzles, and get 5 of Kairi’s heart shards, revealed to having to be 7 later on. Sound fun? besides being able to see more of Scala’s layout, not really. But its a good place to take a breather before getting back into the big battles ahead.

Unfortunately your actually forced to fight the armored organization again but thankfully you dont have to do the ENTIRE final battle over, just that one section which I appreciate but wish we didnt have to do any of it at all.

So after we’re done Scala we get in MY opinion the two best parts of the entire DLC. We get to see what was going on with the rest of the keyblade wielders back home and it was INSANE and extremely well done, everybody had a chance to shine.

When everyone was swept away and Mickey was down and out, it was amazing seeing Mickey push himself back up and slowly with what little strength he had take on all the armor organization BY HIMSELF severely weakened, yet still powerful enough to hold them off and stand his ground. He really showed us WHY he is the King, so THAT I really enjoyed. It was extremely well done and one of the most memorable parts of the DLC.

The next part was even more insane and well done, which is us getting to fight as all the keyblade wielders against the armored organization and even get some cool dialog and team attacks in between, it was just amazingly well done seeing everyone work together and switching between characters was just so epic and enjoyable.

Honestly I could play those two parts over and over again and enjoy it everytime, their just that good and the most memorable in the entire DLC.

Coming back with Kairi and killing Xehanort together with all the keyblade wielders including Kairi this time was satisfying to see but it excludes Xehanorts and Eraquses final words, I mean yea seeing Xehanort have a semi happy ending put off alot of people but at the same time, seeing Xehanort come to the realization that he was wrong about everything and giving the Wayfinder trio closure by seeing their master one last time and hearing his apology to them just held more weight to me.

Im not saying I think Xehanort should be redeemed as easily as he was, but I feel like excluding Eraqus and their final words made the ending feel hollow, just ok we beat the bad guy, happily ever after now. Thats pretty lackluster and unsatisfying In my opinion.

Finally the ending....

Heres where Im gonna be biased and give my personal thoughts. Warning if your a fan of Kairi skip to the very end of the review where I give my overall rating

I hate the ending, for the reasons I listed in the beginning but also many others. I get the main focus was gonna be Kairi since the DLC was about saving her, Im not mad about the obvious, Im mad about the execution.

The Sokai agenda was so forced and apparent its not even funny, they shove it in your face so hard yet when Sora is talking with Chirithy he still refers to Kairi as a friend, really? your shoving this pairing down our throats just to have Sora still friendzone her? Im not mad because I dont want them together anyway but I hate the games being played here, you either want them together or you dont, pick a friggin side Nomura.

And while we’re on the subject, I hate, HATE, how this game is so heavily romance focused when Kingdom Hearts was NEVER about romance to begin with, it was always about friendship and bonds. Not in this DLC though, no now its all about Kairi and being with her forever, traveling the world together, holding hands, all this lovey dovey nonsense nobody invested in the plot could give a rats behind about.

Sure people who are into Kingdom Hearts for the romance of course they dont mind, but Im pretty sure MOST people invested in this series are in it for the story, not some stupid pairing, and I HATE how much they shove it down your throat because it is just so forced and obvious what they were doing.

This was all damage control for Kairi, who has been a useless damsel in distress and dues ex machina in every single game shes been a part of. I repeat, EVERY SINGLE GAME SHES A PART OF.

Kh1 - Kidnapped, unconscious, Sora needs to die to save her.

Kh2 - Kidnapped, held hostage, Sora needs to find and save her.

Kh3 - Kidnapped, unconscious, is killed twice, Sora needs to die to save her.

Do you see what I fricken mean? Every fuckin game its the same danm thing over and over and quite frankly Im sick of it. You might as well say this is a Mario game because Kairi is princess Peach always gettin snatched up and Sora is Mario always going through insanely deadly trials to get her back, and then it happens all over again.

This DLC was damage control for that, instead of immediately getting snatched up by Xemnas she actually gets a few good swipes at him to no avail of course, and then she fights together with Sora against armored Xehanort, all of which is just damage control for her not doing anything in the entire franchise and pandering to her fanbase that are constantly screeching for playable Kairi and for her to do something.

It was also damage control for how non existent their relationship was and what a joke its been since Kh1. They arent fooling anybody because thats exactly what this was, otherwise why you have to try so hard to CONVINCE us how important she was to Sora? why did Riku have to get sidelined so much just to boost Kairi up? why’d Sora completely disregard Riku as a part of his journey? why did Sora not spend ANY time with ANYONE for his final moments alive? its so obvious why. The only way to convince anyone shes actually important and relevant is to play down everyone else or exclude them entirely.

Congratulations, you got your wish, good for you fandom, but at what cost?

The time they spent forcing so much Sokai could have been used to tie up way more loose ends than there were but nope, gotta squeeze in that Sokai, thats what yall really here for right? fuck off.

The two best moments of the game was so short lived its not even funny, this DLC was full of so much padding in the first half, forced romance and pandering for damage control they forgot to actually make this a decent DLC.

Since I recorded my gameplay from start to finish I can actually tell you the amount of old content vs the new

3-4 hours of mostly what we already seen with a few changes, I only died twice

1-2 hours of new content, probably less because I got lost and died alot

That is unacceptable, 30$ for only 10% new content? that is a robbery.

Not only that but the worst part is the Limitcut episode, databattles have always been optional for competative players who like the challenge. Now you are FORCED to fight these INSANELY hard bosses, all 13 in order to get the final bits of the aftermath of the story.

WE PAID FOR THIS, this wasnt free we PAID for it and yet we’re basically told ‘Hey if your a casual player and want the rest of the story? well you gotta fight 13 of these insanely hard databattles that used to be optional but now their madatory for you to get the rest of your moneys worth. Too difficult? cant do it? well too danm bad, get good or go home we got your money already so screw you guess you’ll never know’

That is a fucking robbery and a huge slap in the face to people who are invested in the story, not proving their the best by fighting insanely difficult battles no matter what difficulty your on. It wouldnt be an issue if this was always the case, but these battles were always OPTIONAL for competetive players to do if they WANTED to, but now its mandatory and if you cant do it then oh well middle finger to you.

I couldnt even beat Vanitas, I fought him first and then Luxord and I couldnt beat either of them so I just said fuck it and went on youtube to see what I paid to see for free. 30$ wasted on a game I cant even finish, your out of your fucking mind if you think thats fair and excusable.

Thats why at the end of the day I give it a 5/10, its not good but its not bad either, its just decent. But if you asked me if it is worth the time and money? fuck no, my advice? watch other youtubers play it and keep your 30$

If you want it just to play as some of the characters, experience the new content for yourself, and play the databattles then by all means get it.

But if you think thats not enough for you to spend 30$ for then dont get it.

Overall Re:mind gets a 5/10, useless padding for majority of the first half of things we’ve already seen and cant skip because theres new scenes mixed in, forced romance that nobody but shippers care to see, severely lacking new content, and unfair extremely hard mandatory databattles just to see the final aftermath of the story which is kind of important setup for the next game.

Fuck this DLC, this was my fist time EVER buying a DLC for ANYTHING and thanks to this its probably my last. So thank you Re:Mind, for ReMinding me why I never bought DLCs in the first place.

Ps - Im so glad playable Kairi was optional, thats one of the only things this DLC did right.

[strangeflyboy]

 an unlikely romance

summary: poe dameron and a first order!female! pilot are enemies-turned-lovers, but with how committed he is to the resistance, he’d never think twice about dating the enemy, right?

a/n: i’d say that i’m back but i’ve already done that before. i just got inspired to write again, but it’s less than a week before school starts, which is unfortunate because i’ll probably end up busy with school and stop writing. anyways! here’s this for the time being!

a pilot of the first order and a pilot of the resistance???

never in a million years, right??

fIRST OF ALL

y/n’s story is very similar to finn’s

she was taken from her family at a young age, was trained her whole life, and taught the first order’s goals

they twisted their words and convinced her, as well as everyone else,  that the resistance were the “bad” guys

she was taught hand-to-hand combat, as most were, but then was selected, along with a few others, to be a pilot

she, of course, was taught how to fly a tie fighter

and man, it took a fucking eternity of training

because the first order expects nothing but absolute perfection. they want their pilots to be exceptional, which is why very few end up being chosen as a pilot

the trainees were put through many tasks and challenges to prove their skills, and y/n was one of very few to pass. she was actually one of the best of her group, if not the best

sO this was y/n’s first real mission

she was gonna face the resistance pilots for the first time. all of her training led to this moment

she followed the rest of the squadron out into the black void of space, and it was nothing she ever imagined. it was terrifying

being the outstanding pilot she is, she managed to avoid all the attempts of being taken out, which whenever she was fired at it freaked her out

this is not what she wanted

she didn’t want to die, and she sure as hell couldn’t fire at the others because she didn’t want to kill anyone else, but she needed to in order to survive. that’s when y/n flew after the first x-wing in sight

guess what?

it was poe’s! ha

she fired her blasters at him a few times, and she would’ve succeeded in taking him out if he wasn’t already like the best pilot there is ok

basically two can play at that game and poe followed after y/n

she was like oH sHIT and flew away cause she’s a chicken, but poe was not gonna give up so easily because she’s part of the first order and needs to go, ya know?

he is ruthless

kidding he’s just very loyal to the resistance

they end up on some nearby planet with y/n still being chased by poe and somehow managing to dodge all of his blasts?? though there were some close calls

he was just like wtf why isn’t this person fighting back???

but y/n manages to pull an old switcheroo on him and hits him with a couple blasts, sending his x-wing plummeting to the deserted planet’s ground

she watched the whole thing and couldn’t believe what just happened

did she kill whoever was flying that x-wing?

she slowly landed on the ground near the crash and stepped outside of her tie fighter to observe the crash and see if that person was dead or not

she really hoped they weren’t

after taking her helmet off, there was no body among the rubble, she noticed, and just thought??? what??? where are they????

a droid popped out of nowhere, and before she could say anything, everything went black

oh my gOD this is so long and i’ve barely gotten anywhere

me from the future: just you wait :)

okay so y/n woke up in a chair with her black suit still on and was tied up, of course. she was in an small, empty room with someone standing at the doorway, who she assumed was like her guard. they were and informed everyone through his com that the “enemy” was awake

the room then filled with a few people:  leia, rey, finn, bb-8, poe

the whole gang

leia was mainly the one asking questions, such as her name, backstory, affiliation with the first order, all of that

basically what i mentioned at the very beginning

y/n noticed that poe was bruised and had a patch of dried up blood near one of his temples

“so i’m assuming you’re the pilot of the x-wing i crashed. sorry about that but nice flying skills”

hahahaha i don’t even know

he kinda rolled his eyes and decided against responding

y/n begged them not to kill her, though they never planned on it, and explained how she never wanted to hurt/kill anyone even if they are the “bad” guys and that she wanted out of the first order anyways

they were all like whoa whoa whoa hold up we’re actually the good guys and explained the first order’s real shenanigans, not the false stuff y/n was told as a trainee

she was just baffled, but she reiterated that she didn’t want to be a part of the whole thing and that she was forced into this and that violence wasn’t her thing and never wanted to hurt anyone

“well, clearly”

everyone turned to poe and couldn’t believe this man’s attitude

he had a point because y/n stated how she never wanted to hurt anyone yet she almost killed poe? so it didn’t really add up in his mind

finn definitely believed her because her story was similar to his, and he explained that to poe but he was like bUt YoU nEvEr TrIeD kilLiNg Me

even after she gave them some top secret info about the first order, poe’s mind wasn’t changed. 

though everyone else was cautious, they understood her situation, but he still couldn’t trust her

they agreed upon freeing her (poe was against it, obviously) but they would not allow her to leave their base because they didn’t entirely trust her. plus, she had pretty recent insight into the first order’s plans/strategies/technology/etc. and she wanted to help the actual good guys, but without having to kill anyone. 

leia assured her that killing the bad guys isn’t really their thing but do it if absolutely necessary

y/n helped out around the base with small tasks and provided important details about the first order that they could use to try and stop them and slowly gained everyone else’s trust

except for poe’s

he is stubborn as HELL

he never really made snide remarks, just normally glared at y/n and gave her nasty looks

she definitely noticed and tried her best to ignore them. they didn’t anger her as much as they saddened her, but others told her that poe is just like that and he’ll warm up eventually

she believed they only said that to make her feel better because she noticed how happy and lively he was around basically everyone else, but one look at her and his whole demeanor changed. that broke her heart

y/n faked her way through it and would flash a small smile his way, which generally earned an eye roll from him

she tried to be friendly but he wasn’t buying any of it

attempts at convincing poe that y/n really wasn’t a bad person were made but unsuccessful 

seufz / sigh

after about a month or two, y/n was still residing at the base, and she really liked it there. the atmosphere was a lot less... uptight and serious compared to the first order

minus poe’s bad attitude

one particular night, y/n was mindlessly wandering around the base for something to do. she never really explored the base before

she stumbled upon a huge room that held all of their starfighters. mainly x-wings, she noticed

this room particularly interested her because she was trained to be a pilot (duh) and during that time, she learned to really enjoy flying

very few people were in here. a couple mechanics, each working on an x-wing, and a familiar-looking, curly-haired fellow working on his x-wing with the droid she saw before being knocked out and “kidnapped” at his side

for some reason, she decided to walk up to this man, whose named she learned earlier on, and strike up a conversation

ugh i really wanna write this as a fic now and show the progression of their relationship a lot better but i always wanna turn my hcs into fics

her voice startled him slightly, but then he let out a groan of disgust when he realized the voice belonged to y/n

poe listened to every word that came from her lips while working on his x-wing, never once looking at her, but didn’t bother responding. he didn’t want to speak with her

y/n tried not to speak too much. she talked about flying, as that was a thing they had in common, and inquired about what he was working on

at that point, the frustration built up inside of him, and he turned around to face y/n for the first time

“why don’t you just leave? i bet you came out here to sabotage my x-wing so i crash again and actually die this time. hell, i wouldn’t be surprised if you planned on destroying all the x-wings just for the first fucking order!”

his voice grew louder and his face red from a mix of anger and frustration, and honestly, most of that wasn’t even due to y/n being there; it just seemed impossible to fix one part on his starfighter. he kept trying and trying with no positive results

y/n stood there, shocked. she couldn’t believe he thought that way about her and thought she would do something of the sort

“did it ever occur to you that i never attempted firing back at first? hm? i didn’t want to harm you in any way! but we both know that the chase never would’ve stopped until one of us was taken out, and i didn’t want to die just as much as you.”

i love writing tension/arguments wow

she raised her voice as much as poe did. she was sick and tired of him treating her like shit because of something she had no control over

after releasing her anger, sadness took its place, and that’s when the girl walked off to her quarters and called it a night

what she said was food for thought, and poe just kinda realized that oh shit she had a point and was filled with an immense amount of guilt especially because a lot of the frustration wasn’t even directed at her; he just happened to take it out on her

bb-8 beeped a few times, advising that he go after her and talk to her because the droid knew poe wasn’t that disgusted with the girl and didn’t mean to lash out at her, and assured him that it would try to fix his x-wing

so poe dropped his tools and followed y/n to her room, and to his surprise (or not), it was locked. he knocked and called her name but she just yelled for him to go away. he said he wanted to talk but that it needed to be face-to-face

the door opened and y/n’s eyes were red and her face was tear-stained 

they sat on the edge of her bed, and y/n looked at her lap while poe looked at her. it pained him

he explained how he wasn’t upset with her but rather his x-wing, but that still wasn’t enough to her because he’s acted snotty to her ever since she arrived there a couple months ago

looking up at him, she told her story about how she really didn’t want to be a part of the first order yada yada yada we’ve already heard this

she finds out from him that he really is stubborn and has a bad habit of only thinking of himself, which is why he has acted so bitchy and spiteful towards her

they kinda just discussed the whole situation for awhile and ended up talking for about an hour or two and made up

poe thought that she seemed like a genuine person

“you know, you’re a really good pilot, and from the sounds of everyone around here, they practically worship you. i guess i just imagined we could be friends and we could fly together sometime...”

y/n softly chuckled, then sniffled. poe followed along with a chuckle and thought that flying together might be fun, as long as she promises to try not to kill him

they had a good laugh, and poe thought it was best to leave her alone for the night because he did enough damage already

with that, the new friendship began

god damn we’re only at the FRIENDSHIP????

i promise that there shouldn’t be much left cause i wanted to insert that one scene

me from the future: :))))

so this friendship

everyone was surprised to see poe and y/n talking the next day that rumors were spread about what happened

y/n was timid about talking to poe at the beginning of their friendship. poe noticed this, and because of that, most of their conversations were initiated by him

they didn’t speak to each other a whole lot at first. normally just when they bumped into each other while walking around the base

but because she was fascinated with flying and starfighters, y/n hung out in the hangar quite often and learned about x-wings, whether from poe or someone else. he happily talked to her about them, and that led to her repairing a few here and there, or at least helping someone else out

then came the “date”

poe invited y/n out flying one night

she never flew an x-wing before but figured it out quite easily

they flew away from the base to an isolated section of the planet 

aka poe’s favorite spot

he was quite impressed with her skills, especially because from what she told him, it seemed that it was all fairly new to her still

once they landed at his spot, they sat on the grass and stared at the night sky. the stars shined brightly in the black sky, and the few moons that circled the planet added to it

the two talked for quite a bit before silence filled the space between them. they didn’t mind because they enjoyed each other’s company

y/n stared at the beautiful sky, and little did she know, poe stared at her with admiration in his eyes, though he didn’t even know he was looking at her like that

they both flew back to the base after quite a bit of time had passed and decided to sleep

but they did have a few more “dates” like this, and it really brought them closer. their relationship grew, that’s for sure

others noticed this and could sense something going on between them. both were asked about each other but didn’t admit their feelings

in fact, they never acknowledged their feelings for each other until......

this part is so fucking cliche but i literally can’t see any other way for this 

the pilots were sent out on a mission that lasted like a day or two

y/n didn’t partake, though some encouraged, because it was said to be dangerous and she learned four months ago that fighting wasn’t her thing

there were other missions since y/n first arrived but those weren’t necessarily dangerous

something went wrong and y/n was freaking out because of poe. granted, she was friends with most of the pilots, but that particular boy meant a lot to her

some pilots were severely injured that death was a possibility, and others were just lightly injured

when things went south, poe couldn’t stop thinking about y/n. the thought of never getting to see her beautiful face or spend nights talking to her broke his heart. that alone motivated him to fight through it all

once the pilots made it back to base, the severely injured were taken care of immediately, and y/n was anxious to find poe, and he was anxious to find her

their eyes landed on each other at the same moment, and she ran into his arms. her arms wrapped around him and her face landed in his chest. his head rested on top of hers, and they were happy to see each other. thankfully, he wasn’t injured too horribly. 

the amount of relief that washed over both of them is unimaginable. everything was now okay since they were in each other’s arms

their silent hug lasted for a few minutes before poe was pulled away to be checked out for any serious injuries and then needed to be cleaned up

later that night, poe found y/n in her room pacing back and forth, something clearly on her mind. but when she saw that he was back, the worry painted on her face washed away, and she gave him another hug, though this one didn’t last so long

they sat on the edge of her bed, similarly to the conversation they first had, but they both looked at their laps, not saying a word. they both had something to say but didn’t quite know how to express themselves

“poe, the thought of losing you terrifies me. i hurt so much earlier because of the possibility of losing you forever, and i just-” she looked from her lap to him, tears welling in her eyes, and was cut off when he leaned forward to connect his lips with hers

they slowly pulled away and stared into each other’s eyes with their faces only inches apart

“this mission made me realize how reckless i normally am. how much i don’t think about my actions. i would die for the resistance without thinking twice. i live for the resistance.. but also you. i can’t leave you. i just can’t. i want to come back from every mission alive so i can be with you. so i can spend every moment with you before going off on another possibly life-threatening mission.”

y/n was crying at this point. he pulled her into his chest and held her while she quietly sobbed.  

after what felt like an eternity of crying, she wiped her tears and sniffled. still leaning into his chest, she asked with a shaky voice, “would you mind staying the night with me? please?”

of course he didn’t mind one bit. they shut the lights off and laid down on her bed under the covers. the room was lit from the moons shining outside. they faced each other and shared one more kiss, this one lasting longer than the first. she snuggled into his chest with his arms wrapped around her, holding her closely.

and that was the beginning of y/n and poe’s relationship

[beauty-grace-outer-space]

@the-moon-loves-the-sea asked for my haunted house/haunted theater stories. Ask and ye shall receive. 

The first house I can think of that I 100% believe was haunted but never got to explore was an old slaughterhouse that had fallen into disarray near my friend’s childhood home. The property was huge, and littered with the ruins of old sheds, boats, etc. Lots of rotting wood and dead bushes just giving it an overall eerie vibe. One day, my friend and I were driving past, and we saw a man standing in the yard wearing torn overalls and a mask of some sort, just standing there. As we continued past, we saw a sign propped up against the fence posts that just said “very old bones” and nothing else. When we turned to look again, the man was gone. It was very spooky to us at 16, and I’m sure there is a logically explanation for it but I have none to offer. 

So the first story re: haunted houses I actually explored takes place back in fall of 2010. I had just graduated high school, and had reconnected by chance with a few older friends who had graduated prior to me, and we had decided to go to a pumpkin patch. On our way out to the farm-- which was out in the middle of nowhere-- we found these old stilt houses in a dried out bog. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, they look like this: 

They were built raise on concrete in case of flooded for structural integrity... but there must have been 30 of them all scattered about off the side of a dirt road, and all abandoned. My friend likes to take pictures of weird places, so we got out of the car and started wandering around. 

We went up inside one of them, and there were just... papers. Everywhere. Water soaked and stained, scattered all over the floor. Underneath was dark staining on the floor. We didn’t look into it too closely. 

Afterward, we went underneath one, through one of the openings like you see in the picture there. I heard glass breaking underfoot, and we realized that there were needles strewn around-- likely some druggies had used them as dens for a while. We started treading a bit more carefully. 

As we entered the next house, we took a glance around and didn’t see a thing-- but we heard something underneath the house. So we ran down to see what it was and there was nothing there. We looked around before giving up and turning around-- and saw a noose on the ground where we had already checked that hadn’t been there before. Then, above us, a door slammed. 

At that point we bailed. 

And finally, the piece de resistance: 

I was a theater major during my first run with college. The university I went to had it’s own designated wing of one of the buildings inside which was our theater. The only way to access it was to have card access to both the building and the theater room specifically, and only certain people had access. 

I had access because I worked for the theater offices. 

So one night, sometime around 11PM or midnight, my friend and I went up to the theater to rehearse a scene for the show we were working on. We were the only ones in the entire building, per the key card reports, and the doors lock automatically behind us when they shut. So we are the only ones in the building since around 7PM. 

We’re working around the set shop, saws, powertools, etc. that are set up around the stage as they build the set for the next mainstage show. Halfway through one of her lines, the lights go out completely. We laughed it off and fumbled through the darkness to the lightswitch, which had been turned off somehow, and continued. 

A few minutes later, a light fell from the grid above onto the stage. 

We were now a little nervous, but kept going. 

Suddenly, every power tool in the place saws, drills, routers, you name it, all turned on at once. We were so startled we screamed and then, assuming faulty wiring, ran to turn them off-- but none of them were plugged in. As soon as we went to touch them, they switched off. 

Even at that point I was assuming someone had sneaked in and was playing a joke on us, our stage manager perhaps, so we checked the key logs again. 

No one else had entered the building. 

At that point, we paid our respects to the theater ghost, turned the ghost light on, and left for the evening. 

Scared the hell out of us, that’s for sure. 

[justkpopjokes]

Vampire!Minghao || PART 2

A/N: I’M BACK WITH VAMP!HAO!! Also this was almost vampire politics lmfao

Requested by: 4 anons + sunflower anon + @riptidethepen + a blog I can’t tag (y'all sent in asks wanting for a pt.2!! this is dedicated to you♡)

NOTE: for those of you who have read my Vampire!Mingyu AU, the lore is changing! There’s new canon since that au was written so long ago. It’s just small details that are changing, the end of that au is the same👍

part 1

Imma pull some Incredibles 2 shiz with the start right after part 1 stuff

Are you ready? no? too bad

Minghao is red as blood once you lean away from ur kiss

He's having an internal meltdown like hhhhh they agreed to that 2nd kiss

y'all just take some of his knitting stuff and get back to your room so you can cuddle learn how to knit

Mr. Xu is abt to walk in but then he yeets himself outta there after seeing y'all cuddling knitting v close together

For the rest of the week, your teeth grow out a bit more and Mr. Xu teaches you how to use ur fangs properly

Basically biting into apples n other foods for practice

Mr. Dad (ik what I wrote) also makes Minghao practice because this boy turned you into a vampire from not being able to do this properly smh

After that practice is done, you get oddly sick to your stomach again, meaning ~the transformation is almost complete~

(Wow finally it's been like 2 months now)

Minghao just stays next to you as long as he can to make sure you're feeling alright and don't bite yourself

You have to get smth like a mouthguard so you don't bite ur lip in ur sleep

And after that passes…

Congrats! You've graduated from Vampire school👏

VHS'19 go bats!🦇 my new instagram bio

The whole process wasn't actually as painful as it sounds, but it's just… what do I do now

Well Minghao surprises you by dragging you outside

WOOO FINALLY OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR THE 1ST TIME IN MONTHS

Minghao trains you more (rip), but it’s fun this time bc you get to run around with super speed

and climb trees!!

mainly bc you remembered Twilight vaguely and were like “wait hao can we do that stuff”

the answer is h e l l  y e a h

Yea so you climb trees and run around, essentially playing tag with hao

Until he tackles you to stop you from running

“y/N WAIT DON'T GO THERE!!”

he barely manages to stop you before you get onto a forest trail leading to some buildings

You: “Wow… we're far from your house...”

Hao: “Yeah. Let's head back home.”

“Minghao, do you think… Will I ever be able to go back?”

“What do you mean?”

“To the city”

“Well, you won't have too, don’t worry. My dad arranged your stuff to be kept somewhere until he can pick it up”

“But what if… what if I want to?”

Minghao gets a little confused because he doesn’t understand why you’d want to go back

he thought you loved it here?

confused boy is like “wait what's wrong with the mansion??”

“Nothing, Hao. I just miss home.”

it’s a little hard for him to understand, having lived in the mansion his whole long immortal vampire life…

But he doesn’t want you to be sad, so he asks his dad if he can take you to Vampire Square!

which is just the vampire night market lol

Also,,,, Minghao has a plan to make you even happier ;)

so before you wander off, he takes you to this tailor who takes your measurements

Then you go out to explore the market/square w/Hao while the tailor sews up a surprise

Minghao treats you by trading books for some cake since you can finally eat sugary stuff!! also coconut water since your body has enough blood in it again

((I realize I never really explained shopping in my other vamp au, but they don’t really use money lol they trade objects or favours since everyone knows each other))

it’s a small, chill night market, so there are lights everywhere and you get to watch tiny vampire kiddos and spot a few other creatures roaming around

it makes you realize how… human they are

yknow… hahah… just humans… who have to drink blood or coconut water… and have superhuman abilities… yeah

After ur nice cough cough DATE with Hao, he takes you back to the tailor who has prepared some fancy clothes for you!!

The tailor is like “a stunning outfit for a stunning vampire! I assume it’s for the ball, yes?”

and ur like. what ball lmao

Minghao answers for you and explains to you what the ball is on ur way home

Which is via CAPE TELEPORTATION btw!!

(some capes allow for teleportation and other capes help you turn into bats, etc etc (it’s how Mingyu teleported in his vampire au btw))

So every year around Halloween, there's this Vampire Ball™ for all the vampires at the Vampire Prince’s castle, aka JUNHUI’S CASTLEEE

Btw if you haven't read my Vampire!Mingyu series, note that Jun isn’t king bc his mother is technically queen still but she’s in hiding rn

he’s coolio but anyway

His Royal Highness is a bit mad that Minghao bit someone on the streets since it’s illegal

...but with Mr. Xu’s lawyer skills and the fact that Jun is a nice person (also the fact this has happened recently but was resolved well *cough* Mingyu) you were allowed to live!

and that’s how this almost became vampire politics akjfdh anyway

The night of the Vampire Ball, the 3 of you in the Xu residence change into formal clothing

Hao looks so fine, he’s got a suit on that’s accented w/a red carnation in his pocketand of course he’s got his cape on bc he looks heckin c o o l with that on

functional and fashionable eheh

he has a real proud dad who’s like omg did you get y/n a matching outfit? (yes)

you’re the last to get ready and do that slow walk down the stairs to where Minghao & Mr. Xu are waiting

Hao is obviously like o shit okay okay don’t panic don’t pani—

“…wow”

Mr. Dad: “Minghao, your jaw is physically dropped, please be polite and close your mouth”

Eventually, you get to the castle, which has been decorated w/shades of red

it’s real fancy and all these vampires are dressed up and have nice accessories,

it’s like you’ve been transported back in time to another century!

there are vamps playing classical music and everything

like oh is that a dude on double bass?? hell yeah, you fine sir

and Prince Junhui proposes a toast to another year of living!

Mr. Xu goes off to talk business with some older vampires

So you get to spend time with Hao and dance!!

he was able to get you to ballroom dance with him uwu

Finally, you could be at peace and live in a dream

but peace doesn’t come that easy around here…

there’s obviously gonna be some wine, and you get kind of intoxicated oops

you get a bit moody and start thinking of home back in the city

as much as you love being here with Hao, it’s probably caused so much trouble with your friends/family who’ve likely reported you as missing at this point

Hao notices you looking sad and looking up to the moon in the centre of a garden of roses

he steps next to you and takes your hand

a section of the roses starts to glow, but he ignores it bc he just wants to understand

he can’t really know firsthand what it feels like to be far from home, but maybe you can help him understand that?

maybe then he could feel human?

so he wraps his cape around you and teleports you somewhere else

When your eyes adjust to the dark, you see city lights and trees

Hao just whispers to you, “We can’t be here for long, stay close to me”

you’re at an empty park at the edge of the city, sitting close to Hao on a bench

“Wha—Minghao why are we here?”

“I want to know what it’s like to be far from the mansion. This is the deepest part of the city I’ve been in… And I thought you’d want to be closer to home, too.”

“Thank you, Hao”

You sit silently with him, slowly falling asleep on his shoulder until he has to take you back to the garden

When you return, there’s a small crowd gathered around you

Mr. Xu is in shock or smth, “Minghao did you—was this you?”

You’re obviously like. uh what

but there’s a whole prophecy or something and because of your little trip to the park,,, you’ve got another scheduled appointment at Vampire Court™

but don’t worry, you’ve got a vampire lawyer and a vampire boyfriend by your side~

[curiousstrawberry]

I was tad bit bored at work so I put together some info about Desideria 

it got kinda long so I put it under the cut 

- When Des escaped the Farm for the first time, she was wandering around starving and pretty much helpless/useless. She had no idea what to do with sudden freedom at all. She met this nice lady by some real awful motel, who thought Des was a runaway from home. The lady, who introduced herself as Desideria, gave her food and let her sleep in her room for few nights. It was the first real kindness anyone ever shown her and it just stayed with her so Des adopted the woman’s name and made it her own. She realized some time later that it wasn’t the woman’s real name just ‘professional’ one she’d used with her clients. Des is really proud of her name and where it came from and if you ever disrespect sex workers in front of her you will be maimed. 

- During Farm days her hair was kept really short and she was made to wear wigs for the undercover missions. Their favorite to use was blond one and paired with pretty dresses, which made her look really cute and non-threating. She despised that – the bland smile, pretending, all the fake persona they created. It’s one of the reasons she subconsciously hates her puppet since Eden looks very similar to what she was made to look like back then. Sucks to be you, Eden.

- Des used to be lot more impulsive back when she was Sidestep, she still sort of is, only now she tries really hard to repress it along with all her emotions. The shear strength of will that goes to keeping herself in check is enormous. She is a weapon after all, a tool. She should be cool and collected… unfeeling.

- One of her biggest fears is losing her sanity and becoming another Heartbreak, which I’m looking forward to exploring. She is on very thin thin ice with losing all the control she worked so hard for. Who knows tho if things go well she might not go as unhinged but I wouldn’t count on it. 

- As of right now she didn’t kill anyone (if you don’t count people at Farm when she was escaping, because if that’s an option she absolutely murdered everyone who crossed her path) and is pretty reasonable for half-deranged villain. However, that’s mostly because so far, it’s been quite easy. All her plans worked fine, she beat up Rangers no problem, no one is a great threat for her yet... looking at you HG. If that changes and if she feels cornered and fighting for her life, well, it will won’t be pretty. 

- Unsure if she could actually go there and kill Ortega. Even if the choice was between her life and his I don’t think she would be able to kill him… even threatened with going back to Farm she probably couldn’t. She would, however, use any means necessary to make him kill her. She’s not going back.

- She is the sort of person who needs to have six different backup plans before starting any sort of mission. Yeah, those plans will go to hell but she needs to have them prepared. She can be very obsessive about this. 

- Her apartment has HUGE chaotic energy – placement of things doesn’t make sense like at all, lots of colors everywhere, lots of stuff everywhere. Basically, no one could even begin to navigate her apartment but she has perfect knowledge of where is what. If you move one thing, she knows it moved and she will punch your throat. The entire apartment is covered with fairy lights. It’s tacky as hell but she loves it. 

- When she jumped out of that window, her hands took majority of damage and while doctors managed to repair them again, sometimes they hurt a lot, to the point she’s unable to carry stuff around or her they start to tremble so much that she usually drops anything she holds. One of her ankles got messed up really bad too, which is one of the reasons she won’t dance anymore.

- When she feels agitated and restless, which happens a lot, she tinkers with different stuff, repairs stuff etc. It used to help a lot when she was Sidestep, now her hands sometimes fuck her over and she gets really angry about it, completly destroying the thing she was repairing.

- She was ever attracted to one person and that’s Ortega (tbh doesn’t matter if Ricardo or Julia, it’s not about gender but about Ortega being Ortega) and it took a very long time for her to realize that. Their early relationship was basically: oh, you’re flirting with me; yeah, I’ve been doing that for past year thanks for noticing; oh… When Argent kissed her villainsona she was like???! Currently, she’s very confused as to what she feels towards Argent. If there’s any attraction or if she’s just attracted to danger Argent represents. Not even going into whole Ortega business we don’t talk about that.

- Since her second escape from Farm she doesn’t drink any alcohol or take stuff that would affect her mind/judgement in any way. She’s too paranoid and too afraid to do that. 

[horsyunicorn]

@wolvenartist

Dream 17/09/19

I was at a beach house with my friend’s housemates, four of us in total. We were watching TV and chilling. Behind the TV and lounge area was a large kitchen finished in a stoneware top and stainless steel. I tried to tidy up the kitchen and put away some plastic containers that they would have probably recycled, but which I knew were for food storage, especially an old, big round light green container.

There were sugar donuts on the kitchen counter and them being left out, I knew they would go off so I ate several of them, and my mouth became dry with crystallised sugar.

I needed to go to the shops. I went to the largest shopping centre in the southern hemisphere; I took a red double-decker bus in but I didn’t drive it – I pushed it while holding onto the ceiling just outside the driver’s cabin. I had to stop and shake myself off every few minutes because there was a gap between the railing and floor on the top of the bus and rain kept getting through and soaking me. I parked in the large open-air shopping centre car park, and hurried in toward the entrance.

It was very busy and the entry escalator nearest to me was full with a long queue, so I took another escalator to its right – which was still quite busy. The escalator went up then came back down into a quieter interior section of the shopping centre which was quite a distance from the shops I wanted to visit.

While I was in the shopping centre, the apocalypse happened.

About one hundred of us were huddled together in an abandoned building (a theatre or at least a large room with improvised seating). We were organised into various friendship groups. I sort of had my own space, but the one physically closest to me on my left was a bunch of undergrad university friends. Formerly highly political in university, they were now anti-real history, and big naysayers to any positive action we as a whole group might take.

We survived for years on our own, doing not too badly; but we had to use the one toilet being “held” by the undergrad group. I had only a few possessions: a sleek black laptop, hardly powered on to conserve the battery charge; a small bag with alcohol wipes and a few hoarded snacks, plus playing cards. In total I had two mostly empty bags (a backpack with the laptop, and a smaller drawstring bag).

The group of one hundred was hesitant to explore for better food or shelter etc. because the large number of people caused any adventures to be vetoed mostly. Eventually we were discovered by a group of apparently militarised travellers. Somehow we had been marooned in time as well as space (the apocalypse reduced the population significantly, and also sent small groups all around history) on the barren Earth. At first I though they were “Constantinopleans” (Byzantine soldiers) – they were actually “original Brits” (Indians from Britain) who had flourished in a corner of their own for several hundred years and now had British accents and advanced technology.

The original Brits surrounded us and pointed sonic weapons at our windows. We screamed and shouted and pounded on the windows trying to get them to realise that they were pointing their weapons at civilians. I hid in a corner to be safe from the weapons, but when they fired, they just shattered the glass, leaving us unharmed. One of them shouted at us “We’ve been monitaoring your communications. And we speak your language, idiots.”

After that we were allowed to wander out, get showers, clean clothes etc – all free. The world had been saved while we weren’t watching. I wanted to use the uni group’s toilet once more before I joined the others as I wasn’t sure of the facilities the original Brits had. But a woman was using the big comfy toilet so I waited anxiously until the other survivors had come back, fresh and clean in new good clothes. I tried to speak to them – to ask them how the new “rulers” were – but they didn’t really want to talk to me. They had moved on. There were ready to re-integrate back into society.

One of the people who refused the original Brits’ aid was Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson). She quietly picked p her stuff and headed off in the opposite direction. Across a park and down a hill, there was a lake with a few small boats tied up. In the dusky light it was all greys, dark blues, dark greens and quiet browns. I stared at the lake for a good long while before realising that what I really wanted was to live like Val.

By the time I had made up my mind, she was some distance away. The landscape and water spread out before me, now turning into a uniform dark blue; a few stragglers were also doing the same (looking for a boat instead of joining the Brits).

In an alternate Infinity War version, Hela attacked the universe instead of Thanos (Hela ruled Earth; she briefly turned to look at me, and Val in the distance, but Val had already fought her once before and had no interst in doing so again. Thor’s voice sounded from the heavens, saying “Heimdall, I will speak to her.” Thor arrived on the Bifrost in a brilliant rosy haze of white-gold and rose-pink. As the new King of Asgard (which he had established off Earth), he told off Hela but did not fight her.

After he was gone I ran across the lake after Val. My boots started sinking into the water but I convinced myself I had boots that repelled water (or frozen it). I caught up to Val and told her I wanted to travel with her. She smiled and said I could join her. I threw my two small bags into the boat and we set off.

Soon after, the few boats that were travelling in the same direction were attacked by a pirate boat (a ferry, possibly a steamboat). Away from the large group and the Brits, we were vulnerable. I told Val “you go, I’ll stay, I just figured out, I have water-bending abilities.” Val said “I do remember your fighting style being very much like that.”

I let the pirates come as close as possible, inviting them to inspect by two bags for “loot”, to ensure they were all in contact with the knee-deep water. Then I stood up and performed waterbending kung fu, turning the water into columns around each pirate, trapping them in place. I was confident now that I had these powers that Val and I would be okay in this new world.

One of the pirates who looked very much like the coach from Shaolin Soccer was not fazed by the water attack. He shouted at me, and unleashed a “3 palsm attack” – 2 very powerful normal strikes, plus a power palm that had an impact area the size of a watermelon. I responded by only just blocking the first two attacks then spinning around and redirecting the energy of the third back at him.

End.

[extraterrestreilegal]

Chapter VII

It was coming to the end of their relationship and I think she saw it before he had. But from talking to Ben all the time now, and also being Becky’s friend, I saw it coming before they both did. One day I remember Becky told me she was tired of always feeling lied to and that she’d heard that Ben was talking to other girls too. She told me she was going to break things off with him and I didn’t know what else to say but, “Awh I’m sorry, I really did think you guys would be great together.”

She then said, “No, it was never great, It always feels like he’s lying and he keeps denying that he’s talking to other people. I get that we’re young, but if exploration was all he wanted, he should’ve just told me. I fell for him and I just can’t do it anymore.”

Unsure of what now to say, I just looked at her and made a goofy face to try to cheer her up. I told her not to worry about it, she was right, she was still very young. We still had much left to live for and that if he wasn’t the one, someone else would be. She smiled and we went about our day.

Later in the evening I got a notification, it was Ben. He was upset and said he didn’t know what was wrong with him because Becky told him it was over. I was trying to calm him down going back and forth trying to get him to understand that it really wasn’t the end of the world. And then I said something I probably should not have said but take it as you will. Unsure of how to get him to calm down I wrote, “Hey look, I’m sorry it didn’t work out with guys but it’s not the end of the world. For example, you know how I used to be trying hard to be straight? I was miserable. But once I figured out what was going on inside of me, I started to feel better. I stopped trying to be something I wasn’t and I feel better because of it.”

Did I mention straight boys like to hear what they want to hear? He did just that. All he replied with was, “I’m not gay.”

Which I proceeded to tell him, “I never said you were, I was just using my life as an example. Sometimes there’s things going on underneath the skin that you can’t see, but they’re there and you can’t hide from it. Once you understand yourself better, you can start to understand others better.”

I got no reply.

Ben was in my fourth hour gym class but he hadn’t said anything to me all day. Even though we used to see each other a lot in between classes, today it felt like he’d been avoiding me. When he saw me come into the locker room I could tell he was uncomfortable so I didn’t say anything. I got dressed to go in the pool since it was Friday and I went on to class. During class we were all in the pool and everything seemed normal, minus him ignoring me. Towards the end of class whenever we’d go swimming, the teacher would allow us some free time to swim and play for a bit before class was over. I didn’t really like being around people in that pool so I got out and sat on the bleachers with some of my friends. Ben stayed in the pool to play catch with his friends, but once the teacher blew his whistle to get out, everyone started making their exit out of the pool. Ben was one of the last people to get out, but when he did the water on his shorts were pressing on his skin and you could see through them. My eyes were glued cause I’d seen Charlie’s dick the year before, but Ben’s was noticeably bigger. And the funny thing is, I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Cause Ben looked down when he caught me looking at his shorts, and he started looking nervous. I didn’t know how to react because I’d never gotten caught staring at a guy like that before, so I just smiled at him, looked down, and bit my lips. He looked around for a second— I’m assuming to see if anyone else was looking, and then started walking towards me. I was with my friends so I wasn’t sure if he was actually coming towards me. But then he stopped in front of me.

Now this normally wouldn’t be a surprise that he walks up to our group after the pool, but he’d been avoiding me all day. He hadn’t said a single word to me since our conversation the night before, so I said nothing. When he stopped in front of me, I was sitting on the bleachers so my eye sight was at his waist. He started talking to some of the girls in the group and I was just sitting there trying hard not to look at it. He then started talking to me like nothing was wrong. However he was looking down on me the same way Charlie had looked down on me when I was pleasing him. What was really going on though? Why did he ignore my message the night before, and now had his crotch in my face. I was admittedly turned on a bit but this was my friend’s now ex-boyfriend and I was unsure if I should even think much of it.

Eventually Ben and I started talking more on Facebook. He never responded to the message but he was now hitting me up again for advice or just to see what I was up to. He started confiding in me a whole lot more as the time went by. I’m not too sure what the conversation was but I remember telling him something along the lines of “Well I like both guys and girls. That’s always a thing too. And honestly you’re a really great guy from what I’ve gotten to to know about you, you’re cute, smart, funny. And you have a big dick, anyone would be lucky to have you as their boyfriend haha.”

He replied with, “Haha thanks, wait, how do you know how big it is?”

Now, I know I should’ve probably responded differently, but what I just read was a straight-claiming guy not getting mad at me for complimenting his dick. So I decided to try to set up a response that may hint to me what was going on in the pool that day. I told him, “Well, you remember a few weeks ago at the pool after we had that conversation where you thought I was calling you gay? Well, that day when you got out of the pool your shorts were rather tight and then you walked closer and well, I enjoyed the view haha”

It didn’t take him long to respond but he said, “So you were looking haha, it’s okay, I’ll take it as a compliment lol.”

Now being curious to see what his response would be, I jokingly said, “Yeah, wouldn’t mind seeing what I could do with it haha.”

It took him a moment to respond but he said, “Haha, well I’m not gay sorry,”

I told him, “I was kidding haha, kind of. But I know you’re not gay, I’m just saying head is head. Jk haha”

Now I know it didn’t necessarily take just this one conversation to get him curious. But eventually me throwing more jokes in like that every now and then, he eventually responded with just sent one word, “Okay.”

Unsure of what he meant by that I said, “Sorry, I know I mess around a lot but you know I’m just joking around right? You can always tell me when it gets uncomfortable and I’ll stop.”

He quickly responded by saying, “No, I meant okay. Let’s do it.”

Feeling surprised and still slightly confused, I responded with, “Wait, you actually want me to suck your dick?”

Which he said, “I mean, I doubt it’ll get hard but I’d let you try if you want.”

Unsure of how to respond, I said, “Okay. Sure, when and where do you want to do it at?”

He asked me, “Can I come over someday?”

Nervously and for good reason I responded with, “Sorry, my parents don’t know I’m into guys so I can’t do it there.”

After a few seconds of no response, I asked him, “What about at school? We could do it during lunch in one of the back bathrooms since there��s no classes back there at that time and everyone else should be in lunch?”

He read it and then said, “Yeah, that could work. But we can’t tell anyone, this has to be between you and I.”

I responded with, “This will be our little secret. Don’t worry about it.”

After going back and forth for another hour or so, we decided it was time to go to sleep so we said our goodnight’s and went to bed.

The next day came and again, the feeling of nervousness was running through me. I was excited cause I already knew what I’d be dealing with when I went down on him. I had that one experience with Charlie so I should be able to work with Ben the same way, only Ben was noticeable bigger. I kept on thinking throughout the morning about what was about to go down at lunch that day. By now we’d switched class schedules so I was in my French class before going to lunch. If you were in my French class in middle school, you’d know we didn’t really do anything. Madame Landrum would spend classes yelling at us to be quiet, pay attention, etc. But we were young and most of the time would not be quiet. Besides the point, during class that day we’d been doing a group activity where we’d have to figure out French words’ English meaning from each other. So being talkative was a huge part of the activity that day but I had too much on mind. And if you know me, whenever I have something on my mind, if I think about it too much with too much already going on around me, I absolutely will forget what I am thinking about.

As the class is ending, I got distracted by my table and started talking about what we were going to have for lunch. The bell rang and all the talk about lunch had me hungry, so I go find my group of friends and we go wander the hallways saying hi to everyone we know. Eventually the bell rang so you either had to be in class, or in lunch. By now I hadn’t even thought about Ben since earlier in class, mostly because I was used to seeing him in the hallways before lunch. Not thinking about him at all, I made my way towards the lunch line and I was the last one there. All of a sudden something felt off. I was standing there trying to figure out what was different but I could not put my finger on it. Then from my peripheral view I saw him. It was Ben. And then I thought to myself, “Fuck.”

I tried to get his attention to tell him to head back to the bathroom but he wasn’t looking my way. I thought he was mad and now I felt like he thought I’d been avoiding him all day, even though I’d just spent the whole day non-stop thinking about him until I got distracted. It was tough gaining back his trust after then because he thought I was just setting him up to be embarrassed, but eventually we were talking again. Only this time, I was starting to develop some feelings for him. I’d never actually talked to anyone the way I talked to him. Eventually one day out of the blue he said, “I love you.” I know we were talking about trying things together and kind of flirting with the idea of being together. Except there was always one thing holding us back, the closet. “The closet” is famously known in the gay community as the limbo we stand in before coming out. The closet however is where most of my fears developed. And one of my biggest fears was meeting the right person and never being able to show them how I really felt because of being scared to be seen. Except now I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t in the closet but there was this “straight” guy saying he loved me. I didn’t know what to think but I started to like him more and more.

After I came out, I learned that not everyone will accept you and not everyone will want to continue being your friend. Though it was hard no longer being friends with some people, I had never felt more relieved in my life to at least be able to be free at school. It may have been the bare minimum of freedom, but it felt great to no longer have to always put on a face for people there. But some people stay scared and unaware of the freedom that stepping out of that space brings. Some people go through their whole lives hiding because of the fear of what everyone may think. He was hiding. He was scared and he didn’t want to admit it. He didn’t want the world to know about our conversations so he stayed in hiding. And me now have fallen for him, I hid with him. Everyone knew I was bisexual, but nobody knew that I had only ever had one guy on my mind. Ben. Nobody could know because Ben was still saying he was straight and I didn’t want him to ever think that he couldn’t trust me. Unfortunately that wasn’t enough. He eventually got a girlfriend and I started feeling lonely again. He was still talking to me from time to time, but now it felt like he was pushing those thoughts away. He was denying the last few months that we spent talking, day and night. But I wanted nothing but happiness for him, so I watched him go on with his life one bad relationship after another. We stopped talking in high school after rumors started floating around about us. He thought I told everyone I sucked his dick, when in reality someone else that I trusted bent my words and used them against me one day. I didn’t just lose friends when that happened, I lost the friendship with the guy I’d fallen for in middle school.

He seemed happy the last time I saw him. I think he was visiting home from college and I saw him at Steak n Shake with some of our old friends. None of them said anything to me as I walked in cheerfully with my friends. I remember the look he gave me though. It was the same look he gave me when we were at the pool. But by then I was too far down the rabbit hole I called my life, to care about him or what I wanted us to have back then. I’d been broken by someone who at this point may have broken me for everyone else I’d meet. I try not to regret any of my life choices, because in the end they created me, but losing your friendship was one of the hardest things that happened to me. Reading the rest of this book you’ll find yourself asking how you could’ve possibly had a huge impact on my life compared to the other things. But losing your trust was the first big regret in my life. Mostly because I’ll never know if you got your feelings figured out. I don’t know if I did more damage than I helped. So I’m sorry “Ben”. I really do hope you found the peace and happiness wherever it is you were looking for it. As I’m writing this I have yet to find it myself. But thank you for giving me those little memories of what it felt like, even if they weren’t real to you and we were young, thank you “Ben.”.

[maddie-nanjingsemester]

欢迎光临南京！Welcome to Nanjing!

你们好！Wow. Okay. How do I even start this blog post off? There’s so much that has happened within this past week since I’ve arrived that I almost don’t even know where to start – although I guess it makes sense to start at the beginning. So I’m assuming that if you’re reading this blog, you’re aware that I’m studying abroad in Nanjing, China for this whole semester. If so, great! If not, where have you been?? (Just kidding.) This first post is also probably going to be quite long because there’s a lot to talk about, but stay with me! Also, apologies for not posting this sooner – when our program advisors told us this semester was going to be busy, they weren’t lying!

What a whirlwind this first week was. (Oh and yes, technically I have been here for close to two weeks now, but I’m only going to be talking my impressions of Nanjing from the first week in this blog post, so we’ll stick with that.) I left Chicago on February 13 (Wednesday) around midnight, taking a direct flight to Incheon Airport in South Korea. I flew on Asiana Airlines, which, FYI, has great food. They served bibimbap for dinner and the meals came with little instructions on how to prepare it. 真可爱！So cute! Also super tasty.

After a 14-hour flight, during which I basically alternated sleeping and watching Netflix, we landed around 5am on Friday (Feb 15), so I pretty much lost all of Thursday (Valentine’s Day lol). Such a weird feeling to jump so far ahead in time without even really feeling like I lost any time at all. Then I had about an 8-hour layover in the airport, which normally would have been enough time to get out of the airport and see a bit of Seoul, but since we landed so early, hardly anything was even open inside the airport, let alone outside. On top of that, it was snowing and still dark out, so I elected to stay in and wander around for a while. I was also joined by my airplane seatmate, who was on her way to Thailand but wasn’t leaving until the evening. It was so nice having someone to chat with and explore the airport with.

Finally, following a slight delay, my plane to Nanjing took off a little after 1pm. By this point I was so ready to be done with plane rides that I had a bit of a hard time relaxing, but since we still had a 2.5-hour flight ahead of us, I tried to settle in and read my book nonetheless (The Casual Vacancy by J.K. Rowling, if you’re interested). There was another girl from the program on my flight, and we found each other by the baggage claim after going through security/customs. Speaking of security, I didn’t know that you had to get fingerprinted when you went through customs in China! So I guess the government has my prints on file now. The guard was also definitely suspicious of me and kept looking at my passport photo to confirm that it was actually me (I don’t know, I guess my hair looks different now or something?), and even asked for my admission papers from Nanjing University (which, fortunately, I had with me).

After all this, thankfully there were Chinese students from the program waiting at the airport to meet us and help us get to the dorm. We got in a taxi and then had about an hour-long ride to our dorm, during which I had the chance to just sit and absorb the fact that I was actually in China for the very first time! After so much planning and worrying and traveling, I was finally here. Exhausted and ready to sleep, but here. However, because it was only around 5 or 6pm when we arrived, I didn’t want to go to bed right away because I wanted my body to start adjusting to the time difference right away. Another girl from the program who had already been here for a week offered to go walk around the neighborhood with me so I could stretch my legs some and get a first glimpse of the city. It was chilly and drizzling (it’s been raining quite a bit here), but I didn’t mind because I was just so excited to be in Nanjing! It was cool to get to see some of the nightlife on the very first night and get a feel for the neighborhood. It’s definitely a very walkable city.

The organization that I’m studying abroad with is called CIEE, partnered with Nanjing University (one of China’s top universities), and our program is called Intensive Language and Culture in Nanjing. Because it’s really focused on increase our language ability, we signed a language contract on the first day of classes saying that we would aim to speak only Chinese from Sunday-Friday 8am-8pm. In our Chinese classes, we’re basically covering two semesters-worth of material in just one semester. If you choose to live in the dorms, you also get to room with a Chinese student, which I was definitely nervous about, but so far it’s been wonderful! My roommate’s name is 源苑 (Yuányuàn) and she’s a fourth-year majoring in teaching Chinese to speakers of other languages, with plans to go on to graduate school.

The dorm we’re staying in is Nanjing University’s international students' dorm, so it’s been really cool to see all of the other foreign students here and hear a number of different languages being spoken in the elevators and hallways. The CIEE offices and classrooms are also in this building, so going to class in the mornings is incredibly convenient. (I’ve definitely almost been late to class a few times because I don’t have to leave the building, so I’ve cut it pretty close with leaving my room, taking the elevator, and getting to class with about a minute to spare.) I had originally been thinking about doing a homestay, which is the other housing option offered with this program, but ultimately I decided that I wanted to have a bit more freedom in making spontaneous plans and to be able to live more like a real Nanjing University student (体验学生的生活 – learn through the experience of living like a student). Most of the homestays are also about 30-40 minutes away by train or bus, and I was definitely worried about being late for class in the mornings. The trains and buses don’t run 24/7 either so I wouldn’t be able to stay out late with friends if I wanted to be able to get home without paying a lot of money for a taxi. Homecooked meals and getting to experience Chinese family life would be nice, but I do love the convenience of our dorm and its proximity to lots of great restaurants, as well as getting to hang out with my friends from the program whenever I want. Our dorm rooms are definitely pretty bare, but we do have our own private bathrooms! We’re also on the 10th floor, so the view ain’t half bad.

On Saturday at 9am, the day after we arrived, we started orientation, where we got to learn about Nanjing, Nanjing University, and our program. We also had the chance to go downtown, to get our metro cards and new SIM cards, and to get to know each other a little better. There are 14 of us American students in the program, mostly all from different colleges and different states. Then on Sunday, our roommates moved in! I didn’t know who my roommate was going to be until she moved in, so like I said before, I was definitely nervous, but also like I said before, 源苑 is so great. She’s very easygoing and funny, and even though we’re both busy students, we still get meals together a lot and love to chat about random things! We’ve already had some great conversations about the differences between Chinese and American schooling, culture, etc.

Here are some of my favorite things about being here so far:

The convenience store that’s literally right around the corner from our dorm

It’s the perfect place for school supplies, snacks, and basic school supplies or bathroom items, and I probably go there about once a day to pick up a snack or a notebook or something.

Learning more conversational/colloquial words and phrases

In school, we always learned the formal ways of saying things, and while these are all technically correct, they’re not how most people talk in normal conversation!

For example, I grew up learning that 对不起 (duìbuqǐ) was the best way to say “I’m sorry.” While 对不起 is correct, my roommate told me that this is actually a very formal way of saying sorry, so most Chinese say 不好意思 (bù hǎoyìsi), which is more casual. (The appropriate response, then, is 没事 – meí shì, “it’s nothing.”)

How helpful the Chinese professors and roommates are

I’m going to talk more about classes in another post, but my professors are fantastic and I’ve already learned so much. 源苑 is also so good at explaining things to me, from words or phrases that I don’t understand to items on a menu. Everyone in this program is just so willing to help us out with our Chinese!

The food, obviously!!

I’ve had a number of people ask me about all the dishes I’ve eaten, and honestly I can’t even tell you the names of everything I’ve eaten so far, but I can tell you that I’ve enjoyed every bit of it. I’ve never been a picky eater and I’ve always been somewhat adventurous when it comes to food, so I’ve pretty much been trying everything people give me.

How many trees there are everywhere!

I honestly did not expect a big Chinese city like Nanjing to be so full of trees and plants and other greenery! I’m definitely excited for it to start getting warmer out so that plants will be able to start blooming again because right now most are pretty bare. But it’s so cool to see trees basically everywhere you look, even lining the main streets.

Here are some of my not-so-favorite things:

Waiting forever for my VPN to connect so I can use the internet

I use Express VPN pretty much all the time now and overall it’s great! So far I’ve mostly been connecting to US locations (although Hong Kong works great for Netflix) and it’s nice to be able to use social media to keep up-to-date with things happening back home. But at certain times during the day, especially in the evening, I have a hard time getting a quick connection, and then websites take a long time to load. I also sometimes have a problem where my VPN is working fine on my computer but not at all on my phone, or vice versa. And then sometimes the servers just won’t connect at all.

Not having a kitchen!!

I love making my own food, and last semester I went down to a very small meal plan so I could make a lot of my own food. Senior year I’m also planning on going off meal plan completely. Here though, I either have to go out for every meal or make instant food in the microwave/with hot water. This can be hard when it’s cold out, or when I’m busy with homework, or when I don’t feel like spending another 30-40元 on a meal. Fortunately, the cafeteria is now open (even though it’s about a 20-minute walk away), and supposedly it’s pretty cheap, so that’ll definitely help.

Having to wait nearly an hour for water to heat up enough to take a shower

In our dorm, we don’t have instantaneous hot water like we do back in the US, so if we want to take a hot shower, we have to turn on the water heater at least an hour before we want to shower in order for it to heat up sufficiently. I don’t like showering at night because going to sleep when my hair is still damp does not do good things for my hair (I showered in the evening last week and then woke up in the morning with all of my hair standing up). If I want to shower before class, I have to wake up at 6 to turn the water on so then I can shower a little after 7. And for someone who takes 5-minute showers, 这是很不方便 (this is not very convenient)!

Not being able to use an American credit card at most stores and restaurants

This one has been quite surprising. I got a travel credit card before I came here for the perk of not having transaction fees, and I assumed that I’d probably be able to use it at most stores and restaurants. However, every place that I’ve been to so far (from Walmart to the convenience store) has only taken Chinese cards. I’m going to delve into this issue in a later post, but it’s for sure not the most convenient to use cash everywhere I go.

However, while these things are inconvenient, I’ve always been one to go with the flow, so I’m making adjustments in my expectations/normal ways of living in accordance with these (mostly) minor hassles. This whole trip is supposed to be a learning experience after all!

In my next post, I’ll go into more detail about my weekly schedule and what my classes are like, and I’ll talk more about what it’s like to have to speak Chinese nearly all the time, so stay tuned!

xoxo 梅迪~

[nellie-elizabeth]

The Walking Dead: The Calm Before (9x15)

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Cons:

I'm going to start with some personal context here: when I watched this episode, my DVR recording for some reason cut it off early, at the cliffhanger moment when Alpha sits next to Lydia in the movie theatre. I wasn't paying much attention to how long the episode had been, so I thought that was the final moment of the episode. I was all geared up to write a quite favorable review - lots of tense moments, good character buildup, etc. etc. But then I realized there was still fifteen minutes to go, and now I have to deal with this bullshit.

The problem with The Walking Dead is they have this huge over-bloated cast of people, most of whom we don't really care about, and then periodically in order to make us understand how evil a villain is, some of these characters will get killed off. But there's always some problem with the way they pull off the deaths: either they are way too built up and foreshadowed, and every ounce of drama is wrung out of the moment (Glenn, Carl), or else it's a character we kind of care about, and they're given a bunch of attention and more character development suddenly, and it becomes obvious they're about to die (Jesus), or they're someone I barely know at all and I'm not sure why I'm supposed to be so devastated about it (several of the deaths in this episode).

Really, we should talk about the Big Three Deaths.

Enid. She falls into the "Jesus" category for me, in that we suddenly get all these moments with her being all cute with her boyfriend, and I instantly thought she was going to get killed off. Or he was. One of them, anyway. It's hard to care about this, because I don't really feel like I know Enid at all, especially post time-jump. She's just another random Hilltop community member at this point.

Tara. I'm too exhausted to repeat my tirade about this show killing off all its queer characters. At least there are still those two girls whose names I don't know yet. Or whatever. And at least there's still Aaron. The thing with a big ensemble cast like this is that it's not necessarily the end of the world if some queer characters die, as long as there are plenty of other ones on the show, and that kind-of-sort-of is what's going on here, so I won't repeat myself on explaining why it sucks to kill off queer characters. Instead, let's just talk about how stupid it is to kill off Tara specifically. Hilltop just lost Jesus, and now it's lost Tara, and it all feels so pointless. And I don't mean pointless in the way it's supposed to feel pointless. It feels narratively pointless. Tara has been around for a really long time, and she never really came into her own as a character. I've never disliked her, but I've never felt all that invested in her either. Maybe she was somewhat superfluous to the story that this show wants to be telling. But instead of constantly bringing in new characters and over-extending the cast, and then killing off people who have been around for years to make room for newbies, why not take the time to actually develop these characters? Why not make us care about Tara the way we care about Daryl or Carol or Michonne, so that if she dies, it means something?

Finally, Henry. I will admit, there are some aspects to Henry dying here that I'm going to put in the "pros" section too, because I genuinely did not see it coming, and there are some interesting possibilities coming off of this. But on the other hand... why now? Henry was an annoying brat when this season started, and I had just started to get a bit invested in him... and then he's dead. It would have meant a hell of a lot more if we'd had a whole additional season with him, if we'd seen him grow, if I came to care about him the way I once cared about Carl. This show has this problem of dragging some things out waaaayyyy too far, and then cutting other things off before they've had a chance to develop and mature. It's annoying. I'm always feeling robbed of the better show that we could have had if certain plot threads could be disposed of, and different characters could be given the limelight.

The frustrating thing about this dramatic mass-killing is that so many people had to make mistakes in order for it to happen. It was just so contrived that when various groups started splitting up, Carol, Michonne, and Daryl would be the three together, along with one of the new-ish characters whose name I still don't know. They're idiots to let themselves get surrounded by the Whisperers. After all these years, do they not have any tactical common sense? And also, not to put too fine a point on it, Alpha is an idiot for not killing Daryl, Michonne, and Carol when she had the chance. If she really wanted to punish the various communities for their defiance, that would have been the way to do it. These three characters are protected because they're the most popular characters on the show (they're certainly the only three that I personally care about at this point), not because it makes sense in-universe for them to be the ones to always survive.

Pros:

One of the reasons that I found the deaths to be so unsatisfying is that the rest of this episode was doing some really good work. I was completely drawn in, loving the suspense, enjoying the happiness of the Fair, dreading Alpha's retaliation... it was all great stuff, and even the setup for the deaths, seeing the heads on spikes, would have worked really well for me if it weren't for the buildup resulting in those specific characters' deaths.

The first thing that was awesome about this episode? The Fair. I resisted Carol being a part of the Kingdom for a long time because I didn't like how it separated her from the rest of the group, and I was skeptical of Ezekiel. He just seemed too goofy to me, even though I know that's sort of the whole point. But now? I understand their relationship, I understand the Kingdom, and I believe in it. That scene where the leaders of the various communities signed the Constitution was incredibly moving. I think it's important in a show like this for the characters to have something they're fighting for. Despite all of the loss and pain, they have to remain strong for something bigger than any one person. The Fair was a great symbol of that, and I like the fact that we lingered on it long enough to understand what's really at stake here.

This episode did a great job being genuinely scary, too. As predictable as some of the deaths were, in terms of the character set-up as I've described above, I'll admit I wasn't expecting the slaughter in this episode. I thought maybe it would wait until next week. Everyone thought that Hilltop would be the target of the Whisperer's wrath, and I'll admit that I got caught up in that assumption as well, even though the Kingdom made more sense in terms of the narrative. And when the groups went out to go defend Hilltop, I was scanning their numbers, wondering which among them were going to die, so it was a doubly effective twist that the victims were people supposedly safe at the Fair. When we first see Alpha in that dress, with the wig, just wandering among the people, it genuinely startled me and made me very nervous. That tension kept escalating throughout the whole rest of the episode. The whole scene in the movie theatre freaked me out. I kept waiting for a mass attack to happen, and when it didn't, the tension stayed with me as we saw Lydia and Alpha talking. Great pacing, great acting, great score, all in service of a very frightening atmosphere.

Lydia has really grown on me. Obviously there will be some people who are livid that so much was lost because of her, but I think we're seeing that these communities don't want to give up their values, no matter the cost. They've offered Lydia asylum, and even though the consequences of that decision were devastating, it was still the right thing to do, and I believe that Daryl, Michonne, and the others will continue to protect her, in honor of the people who lost their lives, especially Henry. Lydia has a great moment where she stands up to Alpha. It's important to remember the degree to which this poor girl has been brainwashed throughout her entire life. Escaping an abusive parent is no easy task, and I think we're going to see the trauma play out in interesting ways. Or at least I hope that's where this is going. Lydia could be a really cool and interesting character to explore more deeply.

Oh, Daryl. He was killing it in this episode. I loved the little nod he gave to Carol when Alpha led him away at gunpoint. It was him saying "it's okay" and "goodbye" and everything else all at once. We get two Carol and Daryl hugs, once when Daryl, Lydia, Henry, and Connie show up at the Kingdom, and once again when Daryl returns after his one-on-one with Alpha. He just loves Carol and Michonne both so much. When we see the heads on spikes moment, Daryl notices Henry first and runs to Carol, desperate to save her this pain. He holds her and tells her to just look at him. My heart broke for the both of them. I also liked the little detail of Daryl taking Lydia to the spikes (heads removed, of course), so that Lydia can say goodbye to Henry. Daryl has been isolating himself since losing Rick, but we can see how community-oriented he really is, how much he cares about the people around him and how much he wants to nurture them.

A few other little details that I enjoyed: I surprisingly didn't mind Rosita and Eugene's little moment, even if the whole plot scenario is still a little eye-roll worthy. I liked seeing Judith playing with other kids, enjoying the freedom and fun of the Fair, and I loved when she and Carol had their little moment. It's so sad to think of Carol not being a big part of Rick's daughter's life, but we see that Judith still remembers her, and I'm sure they'll be together again now. Ezekiel's opening speech at the Fair about Rick and Carl was really great, and helped to tie together the themes of this season. Connie and Daryl's goodbye, with Daryl asking Connie to watch the dog... I could see a real friendship developing between those two. Connie and her sister's conversation, hinting at some backstory stuff that I'd be interested to get back to. Luke being buddies with Enid's boyfriend, excited to play music at the Fair. I actually really like Luke and I hope we get to spend more time with him.

Finally, Siddiq's speech at the end. It's taken a whole season to unpack the reasons for Michonne's fear and isolation. It's taken all season to start getting some answers about the communities being estranged from each other, and we still don't have all the pieces of the puzzle. When I saw those heads on those spikes, one of my first reactions was to be worried that we'd backslide on all that character development. Michonne and Aaron would pull back and stay in Alexandria, Ezekiel's dreams of union and trade would collapse, and we'd be back to square one. It's possible that that's where we're going with all of this, but I actually doubt it. We can see how devastated everyone is, obviously, but hopefully this latest challenge will bring them even closer together, and when the Whisperers are gone, harmony can continue to grow.

So yeah. I liked so much of this episode. I liked the build-up and the atmosphere and several of the character beats. And yet here we are with another slaughter, a bunch of characters that were only just getting interesting, suddenly killed off so that we're clear on the fact that the Whisperers are bad guys. Yeesh. Annoying.

7.5/10