#it has truly become impossible for me to find stories that actually are about found family

[biteitwhenitssoft]

gravity falls tma fears?

Mabel - Forsaken She's so impossible to give a fear to imo but just going by what she's afraid of it'd certainly be the lonely, given her love of her family and want to make friends and find romance the second she sets foot in Gravity Falls, and her subsequent fear of losing all of that at the end of summer. Also I call it forsaken for her specifically because her fear is of being forsaken specifically, you feel? A fear of abandonment. I also think there's a good argument for her imprisonment in Mabel land to have been very lonely-coded too. (Something about being trapped in a dream-like bubble that does all it can to keep you there, away from your actual loved ones, content with just your imaginations projection of them for company. They can't hurt you if they're not really there.)

Stan - The Stranger Stan is actually a perfect avatar of the stranger it makes me insane. He literally scared the main characters when they found out he wasn't Stanford Pines by finding all of his fake IDs, like come ON. A con man with an ever changing identity showing up in your town and fucking you over, whats not to love? The stranger loves him, he gives up his entire self MULTIPLE TIMES in his life/the show! Not just when he's on the run, all of his fake IDs and different names, the different men he's been, but him becoming Stanford. He killed himself to become a weird, off-putting, not-quite-right version of his brother instead, and then at the end he's more than happy to give up his entire mind and sense of self to kill Bill. This man has no attachments to his identity as Stanley, and frankly the symbolic death he went through with the whole car crash thing works really well as an actual avatar change death. Now, certainly, Stan is much more afraid of the lonely, that's what kicked off his whole... everything. Same as Mabel, he didn't want his brother to leave him, didn't want to be left alone. But that's just the thing, in order to escape being preyed upon by the lonely, he ran to the stranger.

Stanford - The Eye Obviously. Lol. But not like, ONLY because of his connection to the literal eye of providence symbol, he IS a knowledge seeker and always has been. He's not just naturally smart, he actively loves learning and meticulously preserves all of that new information in his research journals. He's a perfect example of "needing to know, even if the information might kill you." Example: Chasing dangerous anomalies. Example: Reading the sketchy inscription on the cave wall that told you NOT to read it because it would bring about your doom. I do specify The Eye for Ford because of Bill though, seeing as (despite arguments for Bills story and personality being able to point him to other fears) Ford is connected to a very literal and obvious representation of The Eye- one who easily manipulates him because for all that Ford can see, for all that he seeks knowledge and understanding, he can never truly see past his own perception. Ford likes to See, and Ford ends up being VERY seen, both by his muse and by his nephew, obsessively consuming his journals and everything they reveal about Ford's life.

Fiddleford - The Spiral He was a man driven to madness by his own fear. He goes after Ford in the list because Ford does brush up against the spiral during his paranoia era, but McGucket lives and embodies it much more. Fidd quite literally seemed to have a problem with spiraling during his anxiety attacks, it can be assumed that he struggled with controlling his own thoughts and was easily swept up into his fears and taken away by them. And of course, his solution to this spiraling, the memory gun, only serves to damage his mind more, leading him even farther into his own paranoia era, until it goes too far and he loses himself entirely. He's pretty different from the canon TMA representations of the spiral as far as I can see, but I personally think he's a fitting portrayal despite that? I'm not sure he genuinely fears not being able to trust his own mind? But there's an argument that just like Stan, he runs into the arms of the spiral to escape the eye.

Dipper - Beholding Where Ford is a peak knowledge seeker in terms of his own learning, Dipper is a perfect audience. Dipper is a knowledge seeker, just like Ford, but more than being bookish, it makes him a big fan of mysteries and stories. Dipper is obsessive about Ford's journals, hooked by all of the hidden information not only about Gravity Falls, but about the elusive author himself. And like his uncle, Dipper is more than willing to get himself into danger to learn and reveal the truth. From being convinced using a real monster as a mystery shack attraction would be better, to making a deal with Bill so he can access the laptop, Dippers thirst for understanding is what gets him and his sister into all of the shenanigans that make up the series. And in true beholding fashion, he sees everything, gets every piece of information he can, but can never truly connect it all. Can see but can't understand. He's certainly not afraid of knowledge, he's compelled by it, and if he's not careful he could very easily slip into serving the eye and becoming a real beholder for it.

Soos - The Lonely Blendins Game really did a lot for our understanding of Soos and his whole deal. A boy with a deadbeat absent father who he wants nothing more than to get to know, a man who maybe doesn't really have any friends? Can't seem to connect with people his age, Soos is a lonely guy, straight up. Stan hiring him at the mystery shack was one of the greatest things that could have happened for him, I am a big enjoyer of Soos seeing Stan as a sort of father figure, and I am always touched by his love for Dipper and Mabel, specifically in Not What He Seems when he prioritizes the kids OVER Stan! He has a lot of heart, but seems to be chronically alone, the only guy his age around the main characters, just reaching out desperately for connection. God bless Melody comes into the picture eventually, probably eliminating his prey status for the lonely. Again, like Mabel, he is moreso afraid of the lonely than a representation or avatar of it. And I chose the Lonely title for him because where Mabel is afraid of abandonment via specific circumstances, I think Soos is more just generally lonely in his life and in the show. He's one of a kind, and that sorta isolates him.

Anyway thank you for reading <3

[itsgirlcraft]

I didn't like how the background blended in too much so I edited the birthday gift a little-

If you zoom in on anything I can literally give you the backstory and HD version of it, feel free to look for your blorbos ehehe :3 (I promise they're there somewhere lol)

@dracl-dragon @itisindigos @chaoticcyprus @thebeingmerf

Anyyyyyway-

Here's a few close-ups as well as the collage without the background :p

More yapping under the cut!

I wanted to make something as a visual representation of how much has changed in the time of Sabre creating his channel and now. Originally it was gonna be smaller but I think this works in its own way. This is just over 150 pieces of fanart I've done in the past 5 years I've been a FavreMySabre fan, more or less organized into the years between 2019-2025.

And this is, mostly, just my favorites, and the moments I had an artstyle change or learned something from one of them! Ngl, I can kinda see dracl's style in my old art- /vpos- I mean, we hadn't met at that point- but like, the shapes and hair- I just. I think I like my old style a little more thanks to Dracl :]

I genuinely don't know where, or who, I'd be if I hadn't found this community and Sabre as a whole. I remember my first fanart was way back in August 2019. I don't think I ever could've understood the magnitude of what I had done that day. It was because of a YouTube channel named Kessa Steve that I finally tried my hand at making fanart, something I hadn't done since like 10 years old when I was really into Garfield the cat. I'd been basically adrift creatively since I left behind Garfield, and I really didn't feel confident in my own art. So I found someone who I could try to follow.

And, well, now? I have to admit that a lot of my sense of style and interests as a whole are because of these silly block guys, and the one who made up their little stories. I was mostly neutral towards clothes, but I started thinking about "casual cosplays" and now I have so many clothes that I actually like to wear. I've used the Steve Saga and more as inspiration for assignments, which often is the only reason I could get through those at all.

And, if I may be completely real with you, the only reason I am holding on every day is because I want adventure. I don't...I really, really don't know how I'd be able to convince myself to flip the switch, from fear to focus, to actually face my dread and face the real world. A lot of how I explain my own experiences and emotions and struggles is through the Steves, through Trapped, through all the FMS stories.

Dread Steve, Colle, Seer, RQ Dark, Time Steve, Galaxy Steve, RQ Light, Trapped Sabre, Trapped Victor, Prof. Red, there's- there's a lot.

The intro of the Twisted Rainbow finale has genuinely changed me so much. "Beware the cosmic fallacy. The spiral we believe we must follow to find the way out. Accept this reality - not the position you find yourself in, but that this, IS the position. Then begin to create change and prosperity. My message to you: look around and Breathe, or things may become...Twisted."

I don't feel strong most days. I don't have much confidence in my own ability to survive and take control of my own life. Most days, I end up following at least one spiral. Maybe it's not a ~completely devestating~ spiral, but it's a spiral nonetheless. A lot of the time, I get stuck in my head, and even when I know I am blinded, I don't take off the blindfold. It feels like glue, the circumstances we find ourselves in, especially when you know you got there of your own volition. But you can't change from shame and guilt. You have to find a sense of love to truly change in a way that matters.

And by God, that is hard.

But hey, when there's a little block guy that you can pretend is sitting right next to you on the bus, sometimes it's not so impossible anymore.

So, yeah. Thanks for reading this ramble-turned-personal, I guess. And I love yall, don't ever let your spirals get the best of you <3

And happy birthday, Elan. I hope things are going better than ever for you.

[shadowfalllen]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five of your other fave writers. Spread the self-love!

Thank you Lyrus and also thank you @fogno and @shamelessinfodumper for sending me this, I'm answering all of you in this one post 😊 I am truly honored to be among anyone's, let alone three people's, favorite authors 🥹❤️

I put links in the names of the fics if you want to check any of them out ❤️

1. To Defy The Gods

Summary:

Dark Justiciar. Mother Superior. Her Chosen. Shadowheart gave her heart to Shar and cast love and life aside, accepting the inevitability of loss. What she felt for Tav was meant to be meaningless and fleeting—just a memory, eventually to be forgotten. But even in the darkness that settled in her heart, a light endured. It refused to die, leaving her secretly yearning for something more. Shar’s embrace grows ever tighter and her demands never cease. Until one day Shar orders the impossible: for Shadowheart to embrace the loss and kill Tav. But breaking the chains and defying Shar would mean ruin. Or perhaps… redemption.

Why I chose this: This is my magnum opus. The first one I wrote where I was truly feeling proud of what I was writing. And this story just keeps getting more and more epic. I love the message of hope in this one even in the middle of all the darkeness. And I adore my Shadowheart and Tav. I have already planned out the rest of the fic and I literally can't wait to take you there ❤️

2. Before the Last Bew

Summary

In the charming town of Willowcreek, fall settles in, bringing with it quiet, cozy days for aspiring author Clara Whitfield. But when a mysterious woman called Shadowheart moves into town and starts working at Clara's favorite café, Clara’s everyday life gets turned upside down. Clara finds herself captivated by the snarky new barista, and soon, the writer’s block that has plagued her all year becomes the least of her worries…

Why I chose this: This fic is my happy place. Thinking about it makes me elateed, writing about it makes me feel joy. And just reading what I've written makes me warm. Readers have described it as a cosy cup of coffee and I have to agree. This is my first purely romantic story and it made me realize I can write romance and that I actually enjoy writing romance. Clara has to be my favorite OC in existense and I just adore her and Shadowheart together. Part of me never wants this fic to end, but there's only one more cup to go ☕❤️ Although I'm already planning Shadowheart pov fic and eventually a sequel as well 😊

3. Where the Heart Stays

Summary:

Eliza moves back to her hometown of Pine Hollow just before Christmas. Encouraged by her adoptive mother, Jaheira, to try something new, Eliza signs up for riding lessons at Hallowleaf Ranch. There, she gets reunited with her childhood friend, Jenevelle "Jen" Hallowleaf, and soon, something more than friendship begins to blossom between them. But Jen carries a deep hurt that has made her more guarded than Eliza remembers. Can Eliza win her over, or will it be another lonely Christmas for them both?

Why I chose this: I had such a good time writing this, from beginning to end it was very joyful. The setting and the horses, from estranged friends to lovers... I just found it all very compelling. And I'm still very proud of the "first kiss" moment in this fic.

4. No Good Deed

Summary:

Many hopes and dreams come to die in The Broken Frontier, a lawless land where outlaws, settlers, and industrialists alike fight to come out at top. Shadowheart has never had time for hopes or dreams. Orphaned as a child, she was taken in by the Nightsinger’s gang, where she learned to live and kill by their rules. The outlaw life is all she has ever known—and the gang the only family she’s ever had. Recently, something has profoundly changed in the gang and it all comes crashing down in a deadly confrontation that forces Shadowheart to make decisions that will change the course of her entire life. Decisions that will lead her to meet a fiercely independent rancher Eliza. Together they may ultimately alter the whole future of The Broken Frontier—if the past doesn’t catch up to them first.

Why I chose this: I'm very proud of the world-building I did for this one. I created this place for it called The Broken Frontier and wrote a 13-page long document detailing its history, lore, inhabitants etc. It's only one chapter long thusfar but I'm also proud in the way I managed to get that gritty, dark western feel to the story and the way I managed to translate concepts from the game and reimagine them for this AU.

5. Where Her Lips Linger

Summary:

Ten kisses. Ten moments. All feature Shadowheart and one of my original characters — drawn from across my other fics, but you don’t need to read those to enjoy these hot, heartfelt scenarios. Characters featured in this collection are from my stories: To Defy The Gods, Before The Last Brew & Where The Heart Stays.

Why I chose this: I chose this because it contains pairings from the other favorite fics I've written. Plus I really liked doing these prompts, like working in the confines of the prompt but still getting to be very creative about it. And each being a contained scene was surprisingly fun to write.

[go-go-devil]

top 5 soulsborne NPCs... OTHER than patches. and top 5 games you hope to play next year!

Honestly I can't answer the second one since my autism is too unpredictable with when it allows me to actually sit down and play a new game, but I've got PLENTY of soulsborne npcs I'd love to gush about (besides the legend himself) so let's get to it!

Solaire:

May as well get the obvious out of the way lol. There's honestly SO MUCH going on with Solaire's character and motivations that goes far beyond the reasons he's usually so beloved. Yes, he's a genuine ray of sunshine willing to go out of his way to help us in such a desolate, cruel world, has a extremely pleasing/memorable design + wonderful voice acting, and is canonically bisexual. Obviously there's a lot to love from all of his surface level interactions.

...But he's also far more complex than simply being a nice person! He's a regular human devoting himself to an impossible mission solely for his own sake, and his doubts and desperation over it hits me so hard, especially in his regular ending T_T. I always found this quest to find his sun to be a metaphor for self-discovery as a means of fighting back against depression. I think Solaire knows fully well how terrible this dying world has become and has possibly even lived a bad life considering how happy he was to become undead and travel to Lordran, using his quest as a means of staving off the dread in his soul before it turns toward any suicidal inclinations.

No I'm not being edgy. I truly think all of this is intentional to his character, much like how I think the entirety of DS1's view on hollowing is a metaphor for depression and/or barring oneself from the world vs. actively opening up to it. That's why it's so important to support our grossly incandescent friend and Praise the Sun! ☀️

Griggs & Laurentius:

Decided to put them together since they're both very similar characters in my eyes.

I've found (on this site at least) that these two are often overlooked compared to most other DS1 characters, and honestly that's a damn shame since they've got so much to offer outside of their very useful magic teachings. For starters they're both sad, pathetic men who immediately love you for saving them from their own embarrassing predicaments which I think more games need for their male npcs lol. In all seriousness though, I always felt the game did a great job giving them so much character in each of their interactions; both in how close they grow to you and in how much they care about their respective crafts of magic. The pair also have similarly sad stories regarding what they lack, with Griggs's incredibly low sense of self-worth when he compares himself to Logan and Laurentius having always been an outcast even in his own community.

What I'm saying is that they're both much deeper (and also more tragic) characters than I feel they're given credit for, and I wish the rest of fandom would talk more about them.

Mephistopheles:

Sometimes a character doesn't have to be super deep for me to love them. Sometimes they can simply be an incredibly evil woman with a deep voice and great design who manipulates you until finally betraying you when you least expect it. 🐍⚜️🖤

With Mephistopheles I can actually understand why not too many soulsborne fans talk about her since she's probably the most obscure character in the entirety of Demon's Souls: one who requires you to have a pure black character tendency (which requires you killing non-hostile npcs to get) in order to even see her. As of now I haven't had the guts to try her questline yet, but I do plan on it trying it for my next DeS playthrough because holy hell is she hot- uh, I mean really a interesting character! Even though I said earlier I don't think she's as deep as several other npcs in the game, she's still a character with a lot of juicy lore surrounding the organization she runs and her choice of manipulating people into killing her targets instead of getting her hands dirty herself.

Also I fucking hate her Remake design oh my god it's so fucking bad I just wanna throw up everywhere what the fuck were they thinking T_T

Lucatiel:

My favorite character from DS2 (with Straid and Ornifex following very close behind), and of course she's basically just that game's Solaire equivalent with a gender bending design. My tastes are so predictable lol.

Besides her INCREDIBLE design and amazing voice acting, I feel out of all the npcs she does the best job at conveying this game's theme of connecting hollowing to identity. She comes into this land with so little regard for herself and already suffering early memory loss from the slow hollowing she's going through, and but unlike the other npcs (who are actually affected by the curse in any way) we have the chance to save her through our cooperation and going out of our way to engage with and get to know her. In this sense I see her as the reverse of Solaire's quest and honestly wish future soulsborne characters played around with the series' character tropes as well as she did.

Also she's trans. It's canon and I accept no criticism for saying this ;-)

Greirat:

I haven't finished DS3 yet but oh my soul do I love this little thieving rat man so much <3<3<3

I'm almost too afraid to say more yet since I haven't finished his questline and thus technically haven't fully absorbed him as a character yet. So far though he's done so much to endear me to him! His questline with the blue tearstone ring and overall connection to the Undead Settlement gets me soooooo emotional, as does his withered voice and charming demeanor despite all the horrors he's had inflicted on him and his few loved ones.

And of course that's not even getting into how a certain other npc interacts with him during his questline, but I cannot say any more since you specified not to mention him this time despite how much it PAINS me not to. All I'll say is that I am beyond disappointed in most of this fandom for sleeping on these two characters' relationship with each other -_-

[girlnextvore]

HELLO i am going to like post the Letters Rossa has written to her wife for the seattle by night game I have here. just so I can post them someplace besides in the discord for the game lol!

Letter 1

Dear Alezya, 

I bet it comes as a shock to receive this from me. It has been quite awhile since I have reached out to you, coming up on the better part of two decades. I would love to say I have just been too busy to do so but I find it pointless to lie to you. I wished for a degree of independence, I feared if I reached out to you early in my journey I would wilt under the weight of how much I love you. Gosh there I go being dramatic sorry. 

I know you can always find me with Le sang de l'amour but for my own sake I didn’t want to be the one to bridge that gap. It almost felt unkind given how we left things. But I digress, I hope this letter finds you well! I do hope the recent activities of those who hunt for information found at night hasn't reached you or impeded you in any way. 

That is partly why I am writing, after the recent nights I have had I find myself a little worried about you. I mean no disrespect, I know you would tell me it's foolish to worry but I can’t help it. Things have grown quite dangerous here. It feels like a thousand eyes are constantly watching every move me and my support system makes. That a single foolish mistake could cause the mask that protects us to shatter into a thousand pieces. I myself have been very careful so I do not find myself too worried but the youngins around me are a different story. Speaking of, I should tell you about them! I almost took for granted that you would know about them since they have become such a solid fixture in my life here. 

Firstly there is a young one who shares a background with us. I would be lying if I said the presence of a dragon didn’t bring me at least a tiny bit of comfort. That may be why she reminds me of You or even sweet Angeline, but I could be projecting, or maybe her deep connection to her Orun that makes me think of you. She is very sweet though, there is an earnestness to her that is rarely found nowadays. Haha she makes me wish I was more skilled in the ways of moving flesh, she is far better then I am. Who knows with her deep connection to those abilities and fondness of water one day I could teach her koldunism in exchange for some lessons

To be frank I worry about that one the least, while she is young and emotional I think she will be fine in the long run. She doesn’t fear her Orun in the way many do in this city and that will help her. A funny thing actually occurred when she got into a little bit of a tiff with the blue blood in our group. I was able to placate them both to some degree. I must say the “Clan of kings” have not made the best impression on me through this long period of time I have spent in the states. Most of them either come across as foolish or as if they are trying to cover some perceived weakness, I can see why many Magaji push them out of our domains back home. 

Though with that being said the one who I am close with is very kind, in her own way. She is intelligent and quick witted and dominant when she needs to be. You would absolutely hate her. I think if she could rip herself away from that cellphone or computer the sky would be the limit. But if she is happy that is enough! I hate to sound weak but if her current situation finds her peace I think that's all that matters. Her contentment in her computer games is admirable, I wish I had such an easy time finding peace or at least joy in things so mundane. Don’t take this to mean I am not happy here! I AM, it's just finding a path or something I truly want for myself feels impossible at times and I envy her. I find myself both concerned and enchanted by all the things she does in equal measure. She will be fine I believe but life will take its toll on her. The one I worry about the most is a different subject. 

He is a sweet and beautiful boy but I fear his heart is not made for this world. But the same could have been said about me years ago. He belongs to the hidden but everything about his blood vexes me. 

He is without many of their talents and his appearance, while it invokes a magnificent discomfort in my bones, it is far from the traditional appearance of others here. I even mistaken him for a Guruhi but I find that impossible given how young he is and I think I would know if another of our kind resides in the city. It is not important but still! IT bothers me, but also elates me! If I didn't fear scaring the child I would ask for blood samples and use all of my resources and time looking into it. But I fear being so different from others of his family causes much strife, I wouldn’t want to make the poor dear any more uncomfortable. I am patient, once the sweet boy finds his footing I can broach the subject. I feel like I may be doing him a disservice by making him sound so sensitive, there is a strength to him haha and I fear I lean on him the most out of them. I know you won't approve but I think I have begun to behave inhumane. I feel like an old woman who needs someone to help her cross the street but I have asked if he could keep me on the right track if my behavior becomes worrying. I feel like my compass of what is the right or wrong move has become broken, perhaps you used to be that for me and now I am simply asking this fledgling to do it now until I figure it out on my own. I must keep you away from him 

Oh dear it seems this “short letter” has expanded itself to be yapping on and on like some chatty cathy. I guess it comes from how private I keep so many aspects of myself, even from those important to me in this city, I do it out of respect for you my love. But it weighs on me, there was a simplicity in the comfort I found with you. Now I sometimes find that I have changed so much in just a few decades. The fix to this is so very simple, I could just talk to those around me, be open and honest. But where is the fun in that? Also the simplest things are the hardest to do, brain surgery is simply making a few cuts after all. 

-I miss you so much and I can’t decide if it makes me sick-

There I go rambling again sorry, It is nearly sunrise I must go to bed. I know you probably care very little for all of this and scanned this letter for a hint of me returning home. Either way, I will include a few pressed flowers with this, I have been breeding my own lilies and wish to include some. Again I hope this finds you well , if the garden still stands at home please send me a picture with your return letter if you do not mind. Oh and obviously Ashe says hello! 

With Love ,

 Rosa Zewditu 

Letter 2

Dear Alezya, 

Sorry to send a second letter before even getting a response to the first one. In a morbid way I doubt I will get one in return so I plan to use your neglected mailbox as a sounding board when the urge arises. This one I am writing from one of my coterie members' homes. I am having some issues at my haven with a curse and a necromancer so for my own safety I have decided to stay here. 

This is nothing I can’t take care of ofcourse! But I am not used to having….disagreements with people like this? Call me naive but I am realizing making roots in a single place like Seattle would make things like this happen more regularly. I would rather not use Ashe to burn this fool's house down, I want my time to be peaceful and this Necromancer seems the type to escalate things. The curse he has on my flower shop is mostly harmless so I will instead just try and parlay with him. 

I could ask how you would handle this but I have an idea haha. But isn’t the beauty of our marriage that we both do things differently? I also do not have the talents for combat and swordplay you do so running to him and separating his head from his shoulders isn’t an option. This brings me to another point I wanted to talk to you about! 

I have made my coterie aware of the fact I have a wife, I thought it was fairly obvious given the wedding ring but one of them said “I assumed it was a memento of your mortal life.” What a strange thing to think. I don’t think they have met many married vampires. Ugh sorry I do not have anything interesting to say, I guess it's a good thing I know you wont read these then. 

I’m still not sure why I feel the need to send these, it has been so long since we have talked. I have found myself thinking of your voice and face, both of your faces. I think this letter was brought on from a meeting I had with one of my coterie mate’s sire. The one who is of the dragon. She felt familiar and old, not to compare you to anyone, but she reminds me of you. In no way that matters just her general aura and feeling. I think being around so many who exist so close to their humanity is beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. It was comforting. 

I fear I may never become accustomed to vampires so connected to their Aye. I fear I need the crutch of being the most human person in the room haha. That takes me back. To  a memory of older days when the idea of being on my own in the western world was just an idea. When I was younger and my only exposure to the world outside of you was sweet Fleurine. I think I am too old to be so immature to believe I would find all kindred as agreeable as her. 

I promised myself I would keep this one short, the last thing I need is for Elissa to find me writing a letter when sunrise is so close. It will only add more questions to her already long list. 

One last thing though, I have found comfort in knowing you wont read this so let me say. I used to stay up at night when I was mortal, days before you would embrace me. I had a clinging thought that wrapped itself around my brain and heart. That one day I would no longer feed from you, I would no longer taste your blood and have it fill me and the bond we share would fade.

That once it faded I wouldn’t feel the things I feel for you anymore. That it was all a delusion. I am happy(?) to say that with these years between us, the blood bond long gone and distance vast. I still love you, I love you so much I think it makes me mad. 

I thought getting older as a vampire made these kinds of emotions dull. 

Well that's all. I am not at the shop so I have no flowers to include with this one, I apologize.

With Love,

 Rosa Zewditu 

[neon-green-reagent]

50 Underrated Horror Films: Part 4

What in absolute hell. We made it to part 4? Well, here we go then! Oh, also, links to the other parts: One : Two : Three

Undead : Starting off with an absolute banger. This is an Australian zombie apocalypse film. If you're familiar with Ozploitation cinema, then you know how nutso it can get, and this is a perfect example of just that. The action sequences are wild crowd pleasers, and the plot twists until it nearly breaks off.

Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory : I realize that sounds like porn. Just stay with me. It's a giallo! With a werewolf! For me, this was like finding the holy grail. Best of both worlds, truly. With... not the best looking werewolf, but this is an older movie, so cut it a little slack. It turns into a fun mystery with that special Italian flavor to it.

The Outwaters : Everyone was talking about Skinamarink. No one was talking about this. It has a similar conceit. To make a horror film that defies the idea of plot. It starts like your average found footage, then becomes a drug trip straight to the depths. It really does feel like witnessing a cosmic horror story where the horrors are, indeed, impossible to describe.

Tomie : This is the first of me cheating and actually recommending way more than one film. The Tomie film franchise is a series of loose adaptations of Junji Ito's manga of the same name, and there are nine at the moment. They get wild and weird, and they explore parts of Tomie that even the manga doesn't cover. Female monster! You need these in your life.

Murdercise : Low budget silliness trying to be throwback 80s and mostly just being hilarious and noticeably cheap. I love that. It's stupid and seems like the kind of movie that was a blast to make. I definitely felt like I was laughing with them and not at them, which made it feel really charming. A great one for a dumb movie night.

Zombie Death House : Zombies in jail! Directed by John Saxon who strangely didn't case himself in the lead like some vanity project. Rather he plays a character I have dubbed "Colonel Herbert West" if that sounds at all appealing. I mean, it clearly was to me.

Dead Birds : There aren't a ton of horror films that crossover with westerns, so this is a rare gem. A bunch of outlaws take refuge in a deeply disturbed location, and things get super dark.

Satan's Princess : A neo-noir detective story with supernatural evil at its core. Imagine if Angel Heart was dumber and way cheaper looking. With Robert Forster giving a really fun performance and an ending that had me laughing out loud.

Werewolf Bitches from Outer Space : Do you love Troma movies? Do you wish they were worse? Do I have the film for you! With scenes that were clearly filmed without permits. Random bystanders interfering with the production. Terrible werewolf masks. And pizza sex? It's a laugh riot.

Butterfly Kisses : A genuinely upsetting found footage movie that understands exactly how to use the urban legend format. There's a beastie out there that, if you stare at it, it will imprint on you like a baby duck. Then if you blink, it gets a little closer. Try to imagine how long you can go without blinking.

To Die For : Wanna watch a really shitty, late 80s Dracula? Here you go! It's dumber than a box of rocks. No one's motivations make any sense. Dracula seems like kind of a jerk despite being a romantic figure. But most of the actors are hotties and know the silly movie they're in, so it comes out fun in the end. Oh, and no one can agree when it came out. But rest assured I don't mean the one with Nicole Kidman.

Home for the Holidays : Made for TV Christmas slasher! Starring Sally Field. With a whole lot of family drama, which makes it feel authentically connected to the holiday. Merry Christmas! It's March. Ahem.

Welcome to Hell : Heavy metal horror strikes again. This time, a black metal band impregnates and kidnaps a groupie for their dark ritual. She escapes, but they're hot on her trail. The ending is nothing short of a religious experience. WINK.

Isolation : If Alien took place on a farm. With mutant cow fetuses. I swear, there is science that makes some sense of that. And it's not a comedy, I swear! It's actually very nasty with some wonderful body horror.

Dr. Crippen : Based on a real crime of passion and clearly cashing in on the Psycho craze. It's a strange one to recommend, because it's based on a true event, and the movie leans pretty hard in the bad doctor's favor. But it's worth it if you're a fan of Donald Pleasence. He gets to be his strange, little self and also be the star for once.

Tamara : What a mid-2000s romp this is. A good girl gets treated like garbage and goes bad in a witchy-demon-spell kinda way. Jenna Dewan as Tamara is perfect in every way. Gives me the gay.

Dark Harvest : Don't be like "oh, I've heard of that, didn't that just come out last year?" Yep, and everyone ignored it. When it was pretty fucking great. Set in a cursed town that openly sacrifices their kids to a fantastic monster by the name of Sawtooth Jack. His head is full of candy. Like. Go watch it.

Night Screams : Regional 80s slasher where a guy dies getting his face grilled. I'm pretty sure that shouldn't have killed him. And there are like three killers by the end? Did it before Scream, just saying. Enjoy the vibes on this one.

The Third Saturday in October Part Five and Part One : Speaking of slashers. These low budget gems came out last year, and there was a cute, little gimmick to it. You're supposed to watch five, then one. It simulates growing up pre-internet. You walk into the video store, and all they have is part five. You decide to rent it, even though you've never seen the first one. Then a week later, you find one. This really worked for me. Gave me nostalgic feelings. Please, if you watch them, try it this way.

The Vampire Doll : What if Japan made a Hammer film? Well, here it is. With one of my favorite tropes: a super cute couple investigates the horrors!

Night Feeder : Genuinely the best shot-on-video horror film I've ever seen. It actually fooled me. I thought I was watching a bad VHS rip, but no, this was not shot on film. It's stylish, clearly better than you'd expect, weird, dark, and has a really bad rock band in it.

Older Gods : Low budget and full of heart and also Lovecraftian horrors. If you're reading this and care, to me it felt as if someone wrote an original story around Azathoth. Which is cool, because no one ever uses him in anything. Also, if you're like, "so what does that mean?" It means that reality is up for debate in this one.

Cheerleader Camp : One of those that people clamor for when you talk about movies that still need a proper physical media release. I see why. It's extremely fun with its tongue lodged in its cheek. It uses every slasher trope and laughs hysterically while doing so.

Below : I love my underwater horror, and this delivers wonderfully. Haunted submarine, dude. But honestly, that wasn't the scariest part. The plot was cool, and I enjoyed the mystery, yeah yeah. But more to the point, everything that can go wrong... does. Imagine being trapped at the bottom of the ocean in a giant, metal coffin. BRR!

The Werewolf and the Yeti : How many werewolf movies are on this list? Uh, shut up. As I was saying, this is great. Paul Naschy brings a massively enjoyable werewolf flick our way again. With all his swashbuckling charm. By the time the yeti shows up, so much awesome shit had happened that I forgot he was supposed to fight a yeti. I mean...

Subspecies : And how many vampire movies are on this list? SHUT UP I SAID. Anyway. Another where I mean the whole series. All of them. Radu, the main villain, is a joy. Michelle's story arc is super dramatic and full of that Interview with the Vampire angst. Special mention to the second film, which goes all out with the gore effects.

The Hills Run Red : A horror movie about horror movies. A lost film has gained a cult following, and a bunch of dumb college kids decide to track it down. You can guess how that goes. William Sadler steals the entire movie when he shows up. Babyface also has iconic slasher energy.

Abby : This one's underrated because the filmmakers got sued by the guys that made The Exorcist and lost. This is essentially the black version of The Exorcist, and it's so good that I'm depressed we'll never get a great release of it. Carol Speed is amazing as Abby. William Marshall, Blacula himself, is in it. Track this down and get mad about it with me.

The Appointment : What the hell is this. Even I'm not sure. Edward Woodward crashes his car. I mean, I don't know what else to say about it. The film ramps up the tension and dread until a ridiculously Rube Goldberg thing happens, and you have to experience it.

Frostbiter : Another of those movies made with ten cents and a lot of gumption. A bunch of people wanted to make Evil Dead II, and so they did that. They even put an Evil Dead II poster in the cabin they filmed in, so that you wouldn't even wonder about what inspired it. Also, special mention to the chili song.

Hell's Highway : Have you ever seen a movie that was really cheap and goofy, but you could see EXACTLY how it would've looked if they'd just had the money? This is that movie. Every special effect fails. Everything's so awkward and odd. But you can tell what they MEANT for it to be. So bad it's good and then some.

Dance of the Damned : Vampire. Sorry. So this one is about a vampire who wishes he could stop living eternally, because it sucks to live that long and be so alone. He finds a sex worker who is also feeling like she wishes things would just end, and they share their pain with each other. Way better than it has any right to be, mullet and all.

The Werewolf of Washington : Werewolf. I really am sorry. Dean Stockwell plays a truly adorable werewolf. And nothing about it is meant to be taken seriously at all. Gives An American Werewolf in London a run for its money in the goober department.

The Curse of Kazuo Umezu : From the man who brought you The Drifting Classroom comes... this! It's a pair of strange tales. One about a vampire, fuck, I'm sorry. And one about a haunted house that even the narrator can't figure out what's going on. Horror anime!

Lo : A young man has recently lost his love. She was dragged to hell. That old chestnut. So he summons a demon named Lo to try to get her back. With a twist that'll make you go, wait, I thought this was a comedy?

The Spider Labyrinth : This one recently got a really nice release, and I'm so glad, because it's bonkers. A young fella is sent to Budapest to find a lost professor. Instead he finds a cult. Uh oh.

End of the Line : Apocalypse horror that turns your brain inside out just a bit. A religious cult has decided it's the end of the world, and they start executing innocents so they'll "go to heaven." Are they brainwashed or is the world actually ending? You decide!

Off Balance AKA Phantom of Death : Just barely a Phantom of the Opera riff. A pianist discovers he has a rare genetic disorder that threatens to cut his career short. Also, he's kinda losing it. Starring Michael York, Donald Pleasence, Edwige Fenech, directed by Ruggero Deodato, oh my GOD!

The Lure : Killer mermaids. Well, sirens. Kind of a mix. It's also a musical. And about how awful the entertainment industry is for young women. It's also super gory, and they eat people. Truly little else out there is like this.

Redneck Zombies : What do you want me to say? It's a Troma film. It's called... that. I'm pointing. I'm pointing at the title. That's the movie. Just... Right? Yeah?

The Killer Reserved Nine Seats : Another of those gialli that is really just And Then There Were None. But the nice part is that Italy likes to get more sexual, violent, and fucking awful than Agatha Christie ever dreamed. This one also takes place in an old theater, so the vibes are choice.

Mary Reilly : I always include at least one entry in these lists that begs the question, "how did this become underrated?" And obscure, that too. When it's a Jekyll and Hyde retelling with an emphasis on the gothic and lush, starring Julia Roberts and John Malkovich? By the way, I heard people hated it because of Roberts' terrible Irish accent. Damn, dude, I've heard way worse, fake accents than that. Anyway, this is fantastic. Watch it.

The Forest : One of those slashers where I thought I understood what I was getting into, but I did not. There's a man living in the woods who went postal on his cheating wife one day. The ghosts of his family are also haunting the woods. And he's a cannibal who feeds a guy his own girlfriend. I need other people to watch this so that I can be assured it was real.

Autopsy (2008) : I put a year, because there are around 800 horror films with that title. To further narrow it down, it's the one where Robert Patrick plays basically Herbert West fused with Mr. Freeze, and Jenette Goldstein is his nurse, and they chase a bunch of college kids around for science. Kind of a pitch black comedy with torture porn aspects, and I loved it.

Glorious : A guy gets trapped in a public restroom, which is horrifying enough. Then a cosmic horror god starts talking to him from a bathroom stall. He gives him the assignment of helping to stop the end of the world. The god is J.K. Simmons, and the whole thing is a delightful bottle movie.

Nightmare Detective : From the director that brought you Tetsuo: The Iron Man... Do I have your attention? Comes the Japanese Nightmare on Elm Street! That's oversimplifying, but that is my elevator pitch. It involves all sorts of dream powers and psychic battles that will blow your socks off.

House of Lost Souls : Directed by Umberto Lenzi, which means it feels as doobery as Ghosthouse. It's about a hotel desperate to decapitate you, and it has the silliest dialogue and acting known to man. Special mention to psychic powers being cited as a "rational explanation."

The Cleansing Hour : A priest who livestreams fake exorcisms has to rumble with a real demon. Super fun character piece where a conman has to look his sins dead in the eye. Truly obsessed with this one. Also, super fun demon effects. With Kyle Gallner, everyone's favorite scream king.

Deathrow Gameshow : What if Airplane was super violent? Or The Running Man was a dumb comedy? This hits the sweetest spot, where the humor is idiotic and the violence is cartoonishly nasty. This will speak to the sort of person, like myself, who wants their comedy to be indigestible for most audience goers.

Double Blind : This is a very recent release. A diverse group take part in a double blind drug test. Things go so extremely bad. I won't give anything away, because part of the fun is the unfolding chaos.

I can't believe I managed to do that again. Enjoy! I hope you find some new favorites from this list.

[mallowstep]

i hope you’re doing okay. 💙 it’s ok if you don’t answer this, i just wanted you to know folks are still thinking about you and wanting good things for you.

thank you babe (and thank you to everyone else who sent a message to this effect; i will answer them when i can)

i'm doing pretty well right now. i've been very busy at work, working on a top secret classified project (god only knows when you'll get more details than what i've already shared ;3), and also just. recovering from depression. there is so much of my life that even months out from the worst of it, i'm still trying to pull the pieces back together.

i have been writing a little. it's been difficult, mostly because of numerous incidents regarding writing and mental health (if you've been here for a while, you probably know about them; if you're new, the tldr is "mallowstep went off the wall for a bit and he's fine but it left him feeling bad"), and now i face down the summer which is...rough, mentally.

i don't know what normal looks like for me right now. i want to write but i don't know how it will fit into my life. i'm still making space for myself, in all the chaos and reconstruction. i know writing will be a part of normal for me. i just don't know where it fits yet.

it's been a while since i've felt like myself. the hollow feeling is abating. i am finding words to describe emotion again, that are more than just there or missing. i have been thinking about the stories i have yet to work on. what i want to tell next.

it has been an incredible two years for me. when i started this blog, i had just been broken up with by my boyfriend of three years, only a month or so after my childhood cat and dog had died one day apart. i was coping with so much impossible grief: i wrote the second chapter of i'll come back to you someday soon myself after my grandmother died, and i did not write anything after that for quite a while.

my wrists are healing. they hurt a little today and i'm not sure why, but they are healing.

i'll be going back to university as a natural resources major. i want a job that lets me protect and cultivate the forests i find so much comfort in. the complex webs of their ecosystems bring me so much delight. did you know trees talk to their daughters? did you know they care for their children? protect them?

it has been an incredible two years. i met my now-partner, learned how to actually trust people, and failed out of a year of college due to collapsing mental health. i went through approximately one million assessments to get a diagnosis and understand what was happening to me. i had a doctor tell me i was being undermedicated to an astounding degree. i had to let go of my beloved plants because i couldn't keep myself alive, much less then. i found a job i love so much i am eager to go to work every morning.

i honestly don't think i would've recognized who i am now, back when i started out here. i have become someone who trusts. who has connections with people. who does not fear so much. (i have also become someone who cries as i drive home from work sometimes. i have also become someone who needs to sit on the floor and count all the pieces of art i can see. we move in spirals, not straight lines.)

all of this is to say, i have been quiet on here for quite a while because i have been recovering from two years (a lifetime) of some truly exhausting events, as well as letting myself find things i enjoy. when i got out of high school, i loved what i was doing academically. i had very little passion. it had been bled out of me.

i am incredibly grateful to each and every one of you. your support, even in my period of dormancy, has meant so much. my relationship with writing sometimes feels like i am fighting my double, trying to balance both my need to use writing to understand myself, and my tendencies to ruin myself in the process.

i still don't have any promises to make, because i really don't know what's next for me. but i am still here, and you all still mean something to me.

with all my love, mallow

[transhawks]

craziest thing I've read is that redeeming the LoV will inspire people to become serial killer apologist in real life.

Honestly, this is an issue with our zeitgeist. I mean, two years ago I was arguing with fervor that merely liking Enji made you an abuse and rape apologist. People have called me a supporter of cop brutality and statist violence for continuing to find anything positive/interesting in Keigo. I'm sure people have found my sudden adoring of All For One "gross" too despite me liking him for being a pathetic villain. That's just this tiny corner of this fandom - I essentially abandoned tumblr in 2015-2016 because I saw the Steven Universe fandom get this way and yet, four years later, I dived head first into the same impulse for BNHA. The "redeeming villains is serial killer apologia" is just... of the same sort of brainrot I see in so many current day fandom spaces. I'm really not sure what's gone wrong. Maybe people were always like this and it took the internet to see that. Maybe media literacy has always been rare and this shows it. There's such a lack of tolerance for nuance or just actual "discomfort" that dealing with anything becomes a crusade. My advice is to seriously question when people bring in moralizing into fandoms as to what their motives are. I do think fandom can and should be ethical, but I've also seen how it essentially can create a cult of personality around certain people who then proceed to essentially cast out and punish people for "wrongthink" to solidify their own position. In the broader, non-fandom world, this sort of behavior has become a sort of clout on its own and the people usually caught up in this are isolated, disappointed people who feel disempowered and disenfranchised so in this small area, they clam what power they can. I've had other posts on this recently about my own experiences in spaces like this. Something to remember is an argument on the LoV being "serial killer apologism" is to ask why someone is essentially trying to shame you from wanting to see a redemptive story in tween's fantasy manga, which lives on the trope. By casting you as someone "immoral" and "problematic", whoever says this is essentially saying there's absolutely no conversation to be had about your position with the League. It's not enough to be "wrong" and "not a take I like", people cannot deal with the discomfort of another opinion so they opt to make having it and coexisting in a fandom society impossible. The best way to deal with people like that is to say they're being ridiculous. This is not the viewpoint of someone either truly serious or sound of mind. Engage with matching levels of absurdity.

[readnburied]

Book Review: Spellslinger by Sebastian de Castell

Date of Publishing: May 4th, 2017

Author: Sebastien de Castell

Publisher: Hot Key Books

Genre: Fantasy, Young Adult

This is book 1 in the series of the same name and follows Kellen who is doing his best to become a spellcaster, a feat which seems impossible for him as he’s unable to conjure any type of magic. And with his sixteen birthday approaching, he better get some magic to pass the four trials or he’d be facing a fate worse than death. But when a stranger shows up to help him, Kellen must decide if he should trust her or face eternal damnation. However, trusting this stranger will come at a cost, just like everything else.

This is a series I’ve been meaning to get to for the longest time but I either kept forgetting about it or prioritizing other series over this one. However, I finally got the chance and I have to say this book did not disappoint at all. It actually took me by surprise and I was glad it did because it’s difficult for me to find books that surprise me now.

The main thing I loved about this book was the humor. The author has done an incredible job injecting humor in the most strategic places, which gave the entire narrative an unprecedented depth and made it difficult to put down.

The entertainment level of this book was top notch and combined with the intriguing and unique plot, I kept flipping page after page until I reached the end with a heavy feeling in my heart. And I’m eager to continue with the series and see what else does Kellen get up to.

Kellen was an interesting character and one of my favorites I’ve read about this year. He wasn’t the perfect know-it-all like so many other protagonists, rather he was scraping rock bottom in terms of talent and skill. And even when he found his powers eventually, they didn’t bring him the glory like one would expect. He suffered even after getting his powers and that’s why I found this book such a refreshing read.

The other characters were just as interesting and I especially loved the visitor who came to help Kellen. I’m always a fan of anti-heroes and this character seemed like one to me, but she was interesting and I loved the power she wielded and the fact that she didn’t care about what society thought of her truly made her a badass in my books. However, Kellen’s family really pissed me off and made me want to scream in frustration. They should’ve been accepting of their son rather than caring about their own reputation, but once again, the author did an excellent job of showing a glimpse of reality via fiction.

The magic system was unique and I found the various rules and regulations regarding it captivating. It was simple yet intricate and I wonder if there’d be more to it in the upcoming books. But the society as a whole was interesting, even though I didn’t like some of their rules, but it just shows there always be certain practices that would be deemed acceptable while others would result in immediate banishment. It happens in the present world, so one shouldn’t be surprised that this happens in fiction as well.

Moreover, the trials were an interesting aspect of the story. They really raised the stakes and I feel like they were a key component to the story as without them, I doubt the story would’ve been able to stand on its own. But considering how talented the author is, I’m sure he would’ve made it work had he decided not to put the trials into the story.

The climax came with the most unexpected plot twist. I really didn’t see it coming, but it made so much sense and I fully empathize with the antagonist. I know what they did was wrong but I understand why they were doing it. And I couldn’t help but think that sometimes your circumstances force you to do the things you don’t want to, and sometimes people take justice into their own hands because they think it’s the only way they’ll get it.

However, there’s much more to Kellen and his adventures and I really can’t wait to dive in to the next books to know exactly what that is. I recommend each and every one of you reading this to go and buy this book and read it if you haven’t already. You will enjoy it as much as I did if not more. I’m grateful to the author for writing this series and can’t wait to read more of his works.

Let me know if you’ve already read this book and what you think of it. And if you have more recommendations feel free to let me know.

[2882-davidcheme]

Words & Images

Blurred Motion

I’ve always been fascinated by the way light lingers just before it fades away. That’s why I wanted to experiment with the tiny red trails and the flame of a candle. They feel like stars in the air to me, clinging to time as if resisting the approaching darkness. It’s an ephemeral glow, almost a reminder of the fire that once burned brighter. As I watch its slow disappearance, I can’t help but reflect on how, even in its final breath, light continues to shine. It doesn’t vanish all at once; instead, it bids farewell, leaving behind a trace of beauty, an echo of its existence. To me, it becomes a subtle reminder that even at the very end, a spark remains. A final affirmation that it was there, illuminating, if only for a moment. Using blurred motion in these photographs stretches that moment, making it last just a little longer than it truly does.

Minimum depth of field

In the first photo, you can see a tiny bee resting on the tip of my finger. The contrast is striking, my size compared to hers, my finger holding her delicate little body. To me, bees represent pure willpower, the determination to defy the impossible. Their wings seem incredibly thin, fragile at first glance, yet they carry them through the air, allowing them to fly. The second photo, on the other hand, is one I took some time ago. I love how, amidst the contrast of the dark and green background, the pink of the flower stands out. The way the flower emerges from the steel mesh makes it even more contrasting. The last photo is of my cat, Nina. It’s one of my favorites because she looks so relaxed on the dining chairs. And honestly, I love my cat so much.

Frozen motion

Fire never stops; it’s never the same from one second to the next. It consumes, transforms, rises, and fades in a constant flow of movement. And yet, here, in these two photographs, it seems frozen in time as if, for a moment, it had stopped devouring wood or paper. But if you look closer, the fire is still alive in tiny fractions of movement. It cuts, fragments, and twists into shapes that defy its own nature. It’s not a still moment, but a sum of motions, captured just before vanishing into the air.

Difficulties and Limitations

I think my main limitation was capturing photos that use frozen motion since my camera isn’t capable of taking that kind of shot, and my phone has similar limitations. However, I realized that it can still capture more subtle movements, like fire.

On the other hand, when it came to effects like motion blur, using an iPhone made it much easier, as phones now allow for that type of photography. That said, it was still a bit challenging because I struggled to get a shot that I actually liked and that also looked good with the effect. This was my first time trying to take these kinds of photos, so I wasn’t sure how to do it properly.

As for the shallow depth of field effect, I found it the easiest to achieve. Even though my camera doesn’t create a perfectly crisp blur, I was still able to take good photos with relative ease.

When it came to taking a more conceptual photograph, I honestly struggled quite a bit. I spent a lot of time thinking about how to create an image that tells a story. One that reflects who I am and what I think. Finding the right framing and balance in a photo is still a challenge for me since I’m just starting to learn. This class has made me realize that photography has its own techniques and requires a lot of practice to achieve good results.

[irarelypostanything]

Play-Happiness vs. Success

I started this blog series a while ago, and I'm still 100 pages from finishing "Play: How It Shapes The Brain..."

The author headed a study in which he looked into a criminal. He found that the criminal's life was devoid of play. He wasn't really allowed to have fun, and his parents insisted that he do productive things with his time like practice piano and perform piano. I read this passage and thought - okay, but isn't piano a form of play?

*

The seconds I've read more recently are relatable. A bit like in his studies which JPL engineers, the author find himself with hypercompetent, overqualified Stanford students who are extremely accomplished in test-taking, but also don't really know what they want to do. The author laments (if I'm using the word correctly) that childhood has become overly structured. He criticizes the No Child Left Behind Act for emphasizing test taking over creative arts, then talks about things like soccer practice/piano lessons/resume building taking the place of free time that children have to be children and explore.

I guess the question I want to ask in the last 100 pages is...are there comparison studies? Were they able to take groups of participants, educate them in a way that emphasizes play over letter grades, and then compare those against students with a very traditional background? Because when we get out of school and work for corporations, it's kind of the same thing. You get rigid performance evaluations, and they try to grade people on a curve. The thing that school is really good at is having at least a notion of standardization/fairness. In the world of corporations, one can lose a job for a variety of reasons...and not all of them are directly related to performance. The market changes. Sometimes divisions are cut.

I guess the question becomes: Okay, what do we do for the next generation? Are they continuing the trend of overemphasizing test taking and book knowledge over actually learning to be creative and find something fulfilling? Scott Galloway argues that for many people, college is not the best option and they can be perfectly happy and successful learning other trades.

*

In high school, JT said that all my short stories were kind of the same thing. The main character would face a choice between happiness and success, choose success, and then regret the decision.

It's how I felt about much of the school system. We were learning things that we would likely never use, but...was it really a valid argument? We learned to read. A lot of people around me ARE finding ways to use math and science in their careers. I suppose that the way we teach economics is a little bit dated, but even that, I remember, was made more interesting by a pretty good high school teacher.

I think that chess can be a good teaching tool, which they touch on in a documentary called Brooklyn Castle. For ordinary mortal humans, it is almost impossible to calculate truly optimal moves. Like in life, you start to learn that success comes from accepting the consequences of mistakes. You can make tons of mistakes, but you can win as long as your mistakes are not as significant or exploitable as those of your opponent.

The only problem with teaching chess is that not everyone finds it fun.

Music is strange to me. It SHOULD be the most fun thing, but I know lots of very accomplished, very intelligent people who never really got into playing instruments. The work it requires can actually be pretty tedious. You don't "hack" your way into being good at playing an instrument, you learn to repeat the same drill over and over and over again a million times until you can do it flawlessly.

...which I kind of think is an equally valid skill, but the book "Play" is about something else entirely. It's about learning to love something. Teach a kid piano for a year and inspire them, and they might become great when they're older because you've given them the passion and the motivation to continue. Drive them to insanity in a year, and you may create a pretty good music student who violently destroys a piano if they ever come within 100 feet of one.

*

Sorry, do I have a tl;dr?

I don't know.

The book is all about how play/loving something is really important for success, and I would argue that discipline is really important for success. But I doubt the author would have any issue with that argument. Just because you have to do something tedious, like a drill, doesn't mean that you hate something. But in a podcast I heard the author say that he never came up with a way to, say, make doing the dishes a form of play. Sometimes we just have to do things.

Don't major in computer science. Major in video games. After AI conquers humanity, they will still want games to play. Humans will be forced to make them games for their entertainment.

[straycatboogie]

2024/03/06 English

2024/03/06 BGM: Yellow Magic Orchestra - 千のナイフ

It was a day off today. This morning, at last I've read the travelogue "Midnight Express" by Koutarou Sawaki [沢木耕太郎『深夜特急』] completely. TBH I rarely enjoy travelling because I can't stand any rapid, drastic changes of everyday life. But this incredible work has made me having a certain desire of travelling somewhere nice. However, I also need to think about this fact - Sawaki finally found his final direction toward where/what he want to arrive/achieve. It is impossible for us to keep on travelling eternally (as this life itself.) Then, where will be my own life's the true "end/destination"?

This afternoon, as I had promised before, a friend of mine from Kyrgyz Republic and I enjoyed talking by voice call on WhatsApp. Although this offer from me was really sudden/spontaneous, she seemed enjoying this opportunity so I've been glad for that kindness. We used English to talk about various things as what activities I've been enjoying in recent days, what books I've been reading, the recent earthquakes in Japan, and my wishes toward a new life (although I don't have any plan of quitting the current job.) Before having this talking, I had become really, so seriously nervous but I could enjoy this time. Life goes on as this.

After that time, I went back to my group home. There, I had spent my time with doing really nothing (just stayed lying on my bed with a Japanese author Kazumi Saeki's public journal [佐伯一麦『麦の日記帖 震災のあとさき 2010-2018』].) And this evening, I went to the "danshu" meeting. There, I said to the other members this week's story of mine as a confession. About the English studying club's meeting I enjoyed last Sunday, and also the English class I also enjoyed yesterday.

When I was a heavy drinker, I had been diligently disappointed about/in my life. This boring, hopeless life would go forever and I must be truly powerless - but I am actually finding that I could have changed my life, or my personality itself even though I couldn't have changed the world itself. The chief of the meeting praised my confession, and he said that he couldn't enjoy reading therefore I must be a great person. But from my point/position, he must be really marvelous because he has always been managing this group toward a great direction. EVERY member of this group must be so great for me.

[jayy-day-library]

REVIEW: A Touch of Darkness by Scarlett St. Clair

Rating: 4/5

Synopsis

Scarlett St. Clair takes a modern spin on the forbidden love between Persephone and Hades. Persephone, the powerless Goddess of Spring, is a college journalist in New Athens looking for answers about the god as she masquerades as a mortal. Hades, the powerful God of the Dead, gambles with the lives of mortals with rumored impossible bets.

Persephone finds herself in a chance encounter with the God of the Dead and soon is stuck in a contract with him - create life in the Underworld or lose her freedom forever. While this bet seems nearly impossible for her as it exposes her failure as the Goddess of Spring, her love for Hades grows.

Review

I hadn't even realized I picked up another Hades X Persephone book until I read the first page and that alone just drew me in even more than the gorgeous book cover. This is one of the books I had found off of "Book Tok" a while back and decided to finally give it a try. Let's just say Hades X Persephone has become my favorite read - forbidden love, modern world, yet still fantastical.

In this world, the gods and goddesses owned businesses that attract mortals. Zeus owns a marketing and creative agency, Apollo is a rockstar, and Hades owns Nevernight, a club that is near impossible to get into with a long waiting list. Persephone's roommate and friend Lexa gets them in and Persephone is met with the eyes of a dark and mysterious figure from the balcony of the club that is only accessible with a password.

What I love about this book is the attention to detail about the setting, what people do, who people are, and the distinction between gods and mortals. The story was engaging in every aspect and made me feel like I was actually in their world.

Let's talk about Hades. The dark, gloomy, incredibly sexy, misunderstood God of Death. I love the way he was introduced into the story; this mysterious man seeming innocent enough to want to teach Persephone how to play poker. The two play through rounds, Persephone answering this mysterious man's questions each time he won. Persephone then begins pressing questions about Hades - why do people play him? Why do they sell their soul to him? Does he get angry when he loses? That was when Hades finally reveals himself. This by far has to be one of my favorite character reveals I have ever read in a book. Despite the person other gods and mortals have made him out to be, he is truly a deeply caring person.

He smirked, and she could feel it deep in her gut. "Darling, I win either way."

Now, Persephone. In a way she kind of annoyed me with her indifference to Minthe that seemed a bit melodramatic. I get it, you hate her, you don't like her being close to Hades, you're jealous. But dial it back just a smidge. Persephone is a dedicated, intelligent, curious, and can be a bit of a brat, but it all makes for a pretty good relationship between her and Hades. She also seems to be quite the mistrusting person, which I can respect given what she has been through.

"You want to f*ck me with this crown; I want to f*ck a god."

Conclusion

In the end, this book has to be my top favorite modern retelling of Hades and Persephone. It is fun, steamy, and an all around adventure getting to know each and every one of the characters. St. Clair does a great job with introducing each character and their personalities. This is definitely a book I would pick up again and I cannot wait to read the next two books that continue this story, and I look forward to giving you all a review on those as well.

[revvethasmythh]

okay still on the topic of veth's "Nothing is more important than you" because honestly I think that is such an interesting and important character note for where she is emotionally at this part in the story. A long time ago, I wrote a meta about this scene (that tumblr thoroughly ate and is super hard for me to find again) predominantly because of the advice she gave to Caleb: "Burn your past." Veth is more aggressive in her advice in this scene than we see almost ever in the entire campaign. There's real fire and passion behind what she's saying to Caleb, even though the advice she's giving isn't very good or actionable for him. And I've always been of the belief that she's very much projecting her own feelings about her life onto Caleb in that moment because it's a thousand percent easier to tell someone else (particularly Caleb, whom she is closest to) that he needs to go scorched earth on his past than it is to admit to herself that maybe she wants to scorch out a little of her past, too. Especially when that past includes her husband and child, whom she loves, but is feeling deeply conflicted about because she's caught between two realities and versions of her life that simply cannot mesh together.

I think a lot of Veth's character arc in this segment of the story is so nuanced but subtle, which is why it's so rarely discussed, in addition to [insert 10 page rant about people ignoring Veth's character for other reasons here]. This quiet grappling with her impossible choices are truly highlighted by the men in her life she has romantic feelings for--Yeza and Caleb, who work really well to represent the desire for homemaking vs. the desire for adventuring. It's simple canon that Veth has at least a crush on Caleb at this stage, though honestly I'd expect it to be much more than that considering her internal conflict and what she actually says to Caleb in less than a 10-episode run ("I want to be with you--all", "I will always love you", "nothing in more important than you"). These aren't subtle hints about how she feels for him, but are rather on the nose, though I suppose they could be misconstrued simply because her relationship with Caleb has been routinely ambiguous and unfathomably intimate since the very beginning. But if that thread of understanding about how Veth is feeling gets lost, then full scope of Veth's conflict and the reason behind her projection in this moment gets lost as well because the two things Veth is feeling in that moment are a) protectiveness beyond the norm over Caleb and b) conflict over her place in the world. Anger at the bind she's found herself in where there isn't a perfect, happy ending and a choice does have to be made. It's something she's been putting off for a long time, since episode 59 when she first asked Caleb if he could just give her the answer of what she should do ("I ditched my husband in a den of monsters to go adventuring with you.")

The anger there is valid. After all, what has been easy and gone right in Veth's life? Why wouldn't she be angry and frustrated that even when everything should be working out in her life, there's one more thing lingering and tearing her heart in two, between the Nein and her home/son, between her feelings for Yeza and her feelings for Caleb? It just really occurs to me that if you choose to ignore Veth's very much canonical feelings for Caleb in this instance (which I've seen a lot of the fandom do), the drive for this outburst and the impact of it is lessened to such a notable degree. The real meat of what Veth is feeling and grappling with, in my opinion, becomes so much more opaque if you can't/don't acknowledge the feelings that are supporting it. "Nothing is more important than you." That's a categorically untrue statement. But maybe in one selfish moment, that's what Veth wants to be true.

[letstalkwhump]

Let's Talk Whump No. 10

Welcome to Let’s Talk Whump, a series of interviews that spotlight the amazing people in our whump community. I’m Malice and I’ll be your host. 

Today we have @suspicious-pools-of-blood joining us to share his whump story!

Tell us a fact or two about yourself!

I'm a butch (he/him) and I enjoy rock climbing, leatherworking, and losing my entire goddamn mind over Xena: Warrior Princess. 

What does whump mean to you? 

To me it can range anywhere from a trope to a vibe involving some kind of hurt. I definitely consider angst to be whump.

How did you find the whump community? 

It was actually very straightforward; I was up one night and the word "whump" kept rattling around my brain, I'd probably seen it tagging a fanfic at some point, but I didn't know what it meant, so I looked it up and found a definition followed by the Tumblr community. Specifically, it was albino-whumpee's writing that came up, so I was introduced to whump and box boys and WRU all at once. I stayed up all night reading their stuff and then made a sideblog and dove in, dragging my OCs down with me. 

Do you think your views on whump has changed? Maybe the way you consume whump media?

This community was basically my first foray into reading original fiction online instead of just fanfic, and now that's definitely what I read most.

Favourite whump trope?

One of my favorite tropes is carewhumpers--not of the bad caretaker variety, but more whumpers who don't let whumpee have any caretaker but whumper themself. Relatedly, I like captor bonding (not sure if that's an actual term, but that's what I call it because the term Stockholm syndrome has a super gross history), as well as intimate whumpers, nsfwhump/noncon/dubcon, slavery, power imbalances, etc. Also a big fan of a whumpee who internalizes their hurt hard enough to become a whumper against a new whumpee, continuing the cycle of violence and abuse rather than the typical whumped-turned-whumper trope where the two characters just switch roles. I really like the mental/emotional side of whump, seeing how both whumper and whumpee feel about what's happening, why whumper does what they do, and how the whump changes both of them as people.

And your favourite piece you've written? 

Really hard to pick, but currently I'll have to go with Not You Too and its companion piece Wish . It's more angst than any physical whump, but it's an important piece for developing and understanding the psyche of my main character.

What's your writing style like? 

Oh man, calling myself out here on this one. Don't be like me, kids. Often times I find that not being sober helps me get over mental blocks that prevent me from getting the words onto the page. It depends on what I'm writing, but usually a couple bourbon old fashioneds or an edible get me into the mood to write, night time, lights off, candle lit on my desk, relevant OC or WIP playlist playing. I'm trying to get better about that though because needing to be intoxicated to write is not good. I try to write regularly but usually I just end up sitting in front of my Notion board for hours on end while procrastinating on work I should be doing.

Is there anything you struggle with writing?

Cisheterosexuality is fuckin impossible for me to write.  I have no experience with it so I'm profoundly confused when I have to write about it for plot reasons

Is there anything you're working on at the moment?

The current piece I'm working on is my main character's first time sleeping with another woman. I am, if nothing else, committed to realism in writing, so I did spend more time than I wanted to today remembering my own first time and cringing but hey, at least I got the vibe!

Do you have any writing advice?

Make some lil guys and rotate them in your mind; literally no one can stop you

Shout out time!

@winedark-whumpk-whump has some truly fantastic stories and was really encouraging when I was struggling with engagement and feeling self-conscious about my original content.

Anything you'd like to add? 

Thank you so much for this interview, this was lots of fun!

Thank you for joining us, @suspicious-pools-of-bloodod ! It was great to have you here!

And to all you folks at home, have a whump-derful day!

[wonderful-writes]

Presume

Pairing: Tom Riddle x Fem!Reader

Summary: Tom thinks you’re too pretty to be any good at academics. You can imagine his shock when he’s proven wrong.

Word Count: 2k (2,097)

Author’s Note: The idea for this fic was given to me by @bellaswansrealgf. It was such a fun topic to write, so thank you so much bae for coming up with the idea! I’ll definitely be using more of your suggestions in the future.

Tom Riddle found himself becoming increasingly irritated. How could Professor Slughorn possibly expect him to work with a partner? What kind of fool did Slughorn think he was? Tom was perfectly capable of completing his project himself, and it was rather insulting for his professor to assign someone to help him. And not just anyone. Slughorn had assigned you.

You, the pretty girl, were in no capacity an ideal partner. You were friendly and charming and surely too bubble-headed to know a thing about potions. You were probably irritating and selfish and vain, too. Tom would have rather been partnered up with the clown from Gryffindor than with you.

“Tom, right?” you asked as you took a seat next to him. You were dressed in neat robes and had nicely styled hair. You probably spent all morning on it.

“Yes,” he replied curtly without so much as a glance your way. He began flipping his textbook to the desired page and scanning it with his eyes.

“I’m Y/N,” you introduced.

Tom ignored you as he continued to read the page.

“So, what kind of potion do you think we should make?” you asked him, opening your own book.

Once again, Tom didn’t bother to look up or respond.

“Hello?” you tried again.

He let out an exasperated sigh. “Listen, I know potions is probably not your area of expertise, so it’s best if you just sit there and let me work.”

“Excuse me?” you asked, surprised at how this stranger could claim to already know you without having ever spoken to you. “How would you know if I’m not good at potions?”

Tom scoffed. “If you haven’t noticed, you don’t exactly look like you’d be much of an academic.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you questioned, starting to get offended.

“Well, I’m the best in the class,” Tom said like it was the most natural thing to come out of his mouth. “Professor Slughorn probably sent you here so that I could babysit you. You can’t be any good if you need me as a mentor.”

“I don’t need you as a mentor,” you told him. “Professor Slughorn wanted us to work together for this assignment.”

“Like I said,” he replied, turning back to his book, “maybe you should let me handle the assignment.”

You were beyond aggravated. How could someone who barely knows you make such assumptions about you? You were more than adept in potions, and it was unfair of him to shut you down without letting you prove your skills.

“You realize this assignment is worth 25% of our grade, don’t you?” you asked him as you crossed your arms.

 “Precisely,” he answered. “Which is why I won’t let you mess it up.”

You had never met a more arrogant person.

“If you’re going to be this way,” you declared, “I’ll just ask Slughorn if I can work alone. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience the great Tom Riddle.”

Tom breathed a sigh of relief as you packed your belongings and walked away. You were attractive, sure, but you were also annoying. He was glad to be rid of anyone who didn’t let him take charge.

Slughorn allowed the two of you to work separately. To Tom’s approval, you set up your station far away from his. He almost pitied you. It couldn’t be easy for someone like you to complete an entire project by yourself. People like you only cared about their appearances or what the latest gossip was. There was no way you could make any of the complicated potions on the list of options for the assignment without help.

~

By the end of the week, Slughorn had finished grading the students’ potions and their accompanying essays. Tom, ever so confident in his abilities, was shocked when he didn’t receive a perfect score.

“What did I do wrong, Professor?” he asked after class had been dismissed. “I could have sworn I didn’t miss anything.”

“You forgot to crush the bay leaves before you put them in,” Slughorn explained. “But not to worry, my boy. You chose a highly complex concoction. It is almost guaranteed that any student who attempts to recreate it will forget at the very least one step.”

“Did anyone else choose that potion?” Tom wondered.

Slughorn nodded with a twinkle in his eye.

“And did anyone get it right?” Tom asked. He was doubtful that anyone in the class could have succeeded at something he failed to perfect, but it didn’t hurt to ask.

“That’s for me to know, my boy,” the teacher answered. Seeing the frustrated look on Tom’s face, he chuckled and added, “Just know that you shouldn’t judge your partners so prematurely.”

Tom spent the majority of the night ruminating on Slughorn’s words. Could it be that you were the student who had gotten the perfect score on the potion he had attempted? He refused to believe it. Slughorn must have been referring to another student, one that Tom was paired with in the past. You couldn’t possibly be the partner in question.

~

It had been weeks since Tom came in second for the first time in his life. He convinced himself that it couldn’t have been you who bested him. Of course, he speculated who the true victor could be, but he couldn’t put his finger on who in the class could be worthy of such high marks.

Eventually, the time came for the annual examination preparation. Professor Slughorn’s students were assigned a series of practice exams to help them prepare for the actual ones. Each practice test focused on a different area within potions, and it was the students’ job to be well-versed in all of them.

At the beginning of every week, a new practice exam was passed out, and the grades for the previous week’s exam was posted on a roster at the front of the class.

Tom never bothered with making a show of checking his grades, knowing fully well that he would always be at the head of the class. But with the newfound knowledge of a possible competitor, he couldn’t quell his curiosity.

Making his way to the front of the room with the usual throng of Slytherin boys, he displayed no sign of concern. Why should the best in the year have to worry about some halfwit who ran into a bit of luck one time?

His air of indifference was quickly squashed, however, when he approached the posted practice exam scores and saw that his was the second highest. Second? That couldn’t be right. Tom Riddle never came in second. Who was first? Who could feasibly best Tom Riddle at a potions examination? The most brilliant student in all of Hogwarts, and in his best subject too?

He was horrified beyond comparison when he saw none other than your name at the pinnacle of the score sheet.

You.

Impossible. There was no chance that the bubbly girl with the face of an angel, er, a moron, could ever have received such excellent marks.

He’d seen you around, and you were most definitely not the kind of girl who cared about your performance in school. You were always smiling with your friends or tucking your hair behind your ear or dazzling a crowd with an extraordinary story. When you weren’t smoothing down your clothes or checking your made-up face, you were befriending the professors, something only stupid people needed to do.

So how could you have gotten a higher score than him? There must have been a mistake. He would have to ask Slughorn about it after class.

As he walked back to his seat, he glanced at where you were positioned, a table not too far from his own. You had already started on your assignment for the day, making quick work of the cutting and crushing of ingredients. Sure enough, you were dripping with the grace and beauty of someone who most likely didn’t know the difference between reed and foxtail.

How could one possibly be proficient in any academic subject when they looked like that? You probably spent more time shining your shoes than studying for exams. Then how did you beat him, and twice?

He watched you work for the remainder of the period. To his surprise, you were doing everything correctly. You never added a drop too much or a sprig too little. You stirred with precision and knew what color to look for in the brew. You seemed to know exactly what you were doing. Were you truly more intelligent than he had originally presumed?

Still unconvinced, he approached Professor Slughorn after dismissal to question the scores from the most recent exam.

Slughorn only sent him a mysterious look before answering, “Everything is as it should.”

-

After the third week of coming in second place, Tom decided that it was enough. It was time he put his troubles to rest and find out for himself what sort of witchcraft was in play.

“Are you cheating?” he abruptly asked you the moment you took your seat. Professor Slughorn was not yet in class, giving the students ample time to converse before lessons began.

Startled, you stared back at him. “What?”

“You must be receiving help on your practice exams or at the very least borrowing notes from someone,” he stated matter-of-factly. “So tell me. Who is it?”

You had had enough of this arrogant git’s behavior. “What makes you think I need help? Is it so hard to believe that you are not the only person in this room who can do well in school?”

“Well I- you see, you’re not exactly the sort to put much thought to academics,” he defended.

“And what sort is that?” you questioned.

“You know, the vain, pretty lot,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I’d imagine you spend more time on your appearance than on your academics.”

You gaped at the boy before you. “You think I’m pretty? And before you go on, my appearance has nothing to do with my drive to excel in scholarly affairs. I’ll have you know I’m more than capable of receiving just as good of marks as you are, despite what you think.”

“Then work with me on today’s partner project,” he challenged.

“Excuse me?” The last thing you were expecting was for the high-and-mighty Tom Riddle to want anything to do with you after his blatant rudeness.

“If you’re truly as good as you say—”

“You mean as good as the scores prove,” you cut in.

Tom rolled his eyes. “If you’re really that good, show me. Demonstrate your skills on today’s potion, and I’ll believe you.”

So the two of you spent the class working together on the assigned potion. Tom made sure to stand back so that you could have the freedom to do things on your own, silently hoping that you would make a mistake. But you didn’t.

Your potion was perfect. There was not an herb out of place or a drop not potent enough. Everything was as it should.

You had clearly proven to Tom that you were a skilled student, worthy of his second glance. You only hoped that the self-righteous twat would realize not to judge people before knowing them.

“While I hate to admit my own shortcomings, you were right,” Tom conceded.

You smiled at his admittance. “Thanks, Tom. I’m glad you learned something from this experience.”

He had expected to feel more disdain at the fact that he had finally found his match. He was waiting for annoyance, jealousy, some spark of rage at being second-best. But all he felt was a strange sensation.

You were quite honestly brilliant, and he couldn’t remember a time when he genuinely thought that about a fellow student. You were quick-witted, sharp-tongued, and unafraid to back down from a challenge. You stood up to him despite barely knowing anything about him, other than that he was a royal pain to you. And, not to mention, you were quite a sight to behold.

It was no secret that Tom kept to himself more often than not. Sure, he had a group of peers who respected him — whether out of fear or genuine liking is up for debate — but he never got to know anyone on a personal level. He never let anyone get too close or see him for someone other than the shining pupil with big plans. But, for once, he wanted someone to share his genius with.

He intended to make you that person.

—

Part 2