#it has been blow after devastating blow today i do not know how i will recover

[pencilnewt]

TITO TRADED what's even the point

[polarisbibliotheque]

Vergil and his s/o training together

Or Vergil and his s/o spar for foreplay fun!

Pairing: Vergil x Reader

Summary: With your sword recently broken, Vergil gave you a new devil arm to get used to. He is also your mentor when it comes to fighting - but being his lover doesn't mean he's going to go easy on you. Quite the contrary.

Restrictions: None, BUT I should tell you: lots of sexual tension in this one. What can I say, Vergil is a weird guy, sparring with his lover does things to him. Nothing explicit though, you know how I roll. Also, reader gets bruises from training/sparring. He's rough and doesn't hold back, I mentioned it before I think Vergil has this "only the strong survive" mentality, and I do think he gets ruthless as a sign of respect for his lover's abilities rather than anything else.

Author's Notes: I blame @yanderebishforlevi for this one after they dropped an ask I just answered :) I'm focusing on the Halloween specials, but that made me go through my unfinished, discarded, short stuff on limbo and rehash/put it together to post something new here.

Simple stuff, not really much of a story, just some training with sexy, bared arms, ruthless, emotionally constipated man. That's why I never thought about posting, it felt like it was missing something a plot so I was going to put it in Nemesis but, oh well. Hope you guys like it xD

“We’re done for today.”

Vergil’s words sounded final, as he lowered the Yamato after a devastating blow that had you tumbling back and struggling to fall on your knees – scraping them in a way you would have some bruises to display for a couple of days at least.

“Given it’s my training session, love…” You growled while pulling yourself back on your feet, using your sword as a crutch for help. Vergil observed you with those cutting silvery eyes, almost as if questioning your resolve to pull yourself up. Again. “I say when we are done. And I am not done.”

“You are being terribly stubborn, that is.” Vergil had Yamato back in its sheath, arms crossed while curiously watching you take your coat off, having only your training clothes underneath.

“Well, at least we got that in common, Dark Slayer.” You carefully watched as Vergil mirrored you and took off his own long coat, leaving his arms bare for the first time that night. He only did that when he was about to get rough during training – and you had to huff a laugh. “I’m only standing down when I master this damned sword, and apparently I’m not even close to that.”

“You are closer than you were when we started.” He took a deep breath, already choosing a fighting stance since you were doing the same – walking slowly in a circle, observing him with a pair of predatorial eyes. Vergil was used to be under that scrutiny around demons, but when it came to your eyes, they were threatening… And bewitching.

“And I would be even closer, if you hadn’t been cheating this whole time.” You narrowed your eyes, allowing a smirk color the corner of your lips as Vergil froze in place – you could even bet he stopped breathing for a fraction of a second.

“Cheating…?” His voice was dangerously low, words alarmingly taking their time, savoring every syllable of that little word. You knew you had struck a nerve – but, in your defense, Vergil had been striking your nerves ever since you started training a few hours prior.

It had been a couple of weeks you had a new sword in your inventory: big, heavy, resembling a claymore. Dante and Vergil had killed one particularly powerful demon that ended up becoming the sword now in your hands: brimming with demonic power, ready to be wielded to bring doom to its enemies. You had your previous sword broken into shards while protecting Nero during one of your jobs – a story for another time – and Vergil thought the claymore of sorts would be a nice replacement.

A new weapon, though, meant a lot of new things: new grip, new balance, new weight, new powers… So much to master, but you had to learn soon in order to keep up with your devil hunter job. Halloween was approaching and, given how chaotic the last few years were, you had to at least master the basics soon enough.

Vergil, being the thoughtful partner and lover of knowledge that he was, offered to help you train and master your new sword – all his arcane teachings would surely come in handy when dealing with a devil arm.

You had a problem, though. Learning and mastering things on your own was almost a given, and you always expected to do it at your pace – meaning, you didn’t have much patience to not be at least good and easily fighting after a few hours of practice. With a mentor like Vergil, though, that process was taking double the time.

He was relentless. You being his lover just meant he would go twice as hard on you – in his dictionary, it probably meant how much he adored you; but in your dictionary, you were absolutely and infinitely vexed that, by now, you hadn’t been able to at least get to a tie with him.

And that was something you always proudly said you could do.

“Yes. Cheating.” You held your sword with only one hand, throwing it behind your body and having your eyes fixed on your lover. That way, when you or him decided to attack, you could use all your strength to lunge forward. “You got exponentially worse every time I lost and got back on my feet again; you haven’t made it easier nor remained with the same level of fighting from the beginning. You are making it more difficult for me. If you hadn’t, I would’ve already had my sword on your throat by now.”

“Tsk.” You smiled as Vergil finally had that nonchalant attitude, but his eyes burned like the coldest circles of Hell. With a swift move, he unsheathed the Yamato and attacked you – as you had already prepared before, you threw your sword forward, immediately able to parry. He quickly tried another attack, but you managed to grip your sword with both of your hands and hold him back. You found Vergil’s silvery eyes staring at you sharply between the blades of your swords. “Don’t expect demons to have mercy just because the sight of you eclipses even the moon herself.”

“If we weren’t sparring, I’d take that as a compliment.” You had a small laugh hidden amidst your words, clearly seeing the shadow of a smile Vergil tried to conceal before he pushed you back with only half of his might – still having you stumble back and use whatever energy you had left to keep your body balanced.

“Your human body won’t be able to take it for too long.” And even if Vergil was trying to convince you to stand down, he still circled you, keeping his own predatorial gaze on your form and tense shoulders to quickly get into a fighting stance. You weren’t one easy to convince when you had your mind set on something, that he had to admit. “We should call it a day and tend your wounds. Your body doesn’t have the same resilience a devil’s body has.”

“I would have a lot more if you hadn’t been ruthless with me, love.” You pointed at some slight marks on your body – nothing too jarring, but still making an appearance here and there. “These bruises are on you.”

With those words, it was your turn to lunge forward and attack first. Vergil easily defended with a swift move from Yamato, trying an attack right after. You managed to defend as well, holding him still for a few seconds.

“They will make you stronger.” Were the only words he managed to answer before you attacked again. Vergil seemed to fight effortlessly, while you had to muster all your strength to wield your new sword – Vergil was right to say your body wouldn’t last for too long: you were already tired, thanks to his training, but your pride wouldn’t allow you to back down. And he knew that.

Even if Vergil worried about your stamina, he couldn’t deny how much he admired – and had a pang of pride in his own heart – every time you displayed that much willpower.

With a calculated attack to disarm you, Vergil was certain your playing would come to an end and he would have the final word on that argument – he did not expect, though, a graceful move from your side, spinning such a heavy sword in one of your hands and making it face down, coming between you and him and completely breaking his stance, foiling Vergil’s attempt to end your resolve.

You quickly threw your sword a little on the air in front of you in order to let go from the grip and hold the blade itself – strong enough to be able to wield it, but careful not to hurt yourself in the process – which gave you the perfect opportunity to spin around him and smack the hilt of your sword on his back.

Vergil slowly turned his head around, still impressed by your swift move after being so tired, only to find you with a smug smile on your lips.

“It will make you stronger.” You pointed at him with the hilt of your sword, throwing it slightly in the air again so you could grab the hilt with one hand and then another.

Vergil kept his back at you, calmly walking to the other side of the room so you could take your initial stances again – but this time you saw him shaking his head and heard a low chuckle coming from him.

Vergil was a survivor, one that lived the law of the jungle for so long that sparring and teasing his partner was one of the best ways to entertain him. To say you were both having fun was an understatement.

“Apparently, I haven’t been ruthless enough with you.” He turned around, holding Yamato’s hilt with both of his hands. You had to hold back a smile – that was one of his stances that usually meant Vergil was starting to lose his patience and considering going all out.

And that usually happened when he recognized you were starting to get the upper hand – which meant he saw your playful sword smack as a sign you were starting to get the hang of things.

After all, you only did that sort of thing with your old sword. Comparing to the way you both used to spar, he was going considerably easier on you tonight.

“Let’s remedy that.” His voice was almost a growl as his feet moved like lightning on the floor.

You had to put all your concentration in that fight – your eyes never leaving the Yamato, quickly finding the blade in the air from its shimmer and parrying with your heavy claymore. Using your weight, you pushed Vergil back – which only worked because he saw it as an opportunity to power another heavy attack to try to get you off-balance. You stumbled a little, but quickly gained your balance once more, holding back another quick attack from your lover – something quite frustrating for him, as you observed in his furrowed brows.

Even if he wasn’t going easy on you, it was the first time Vergil was tapping into some of his demonic abilities – strength, speed and power, for starters – and you took that as a compliment. If he wasn’t going to cut you some slack, he could at least fight you the same way he always did – and Vergil never really held back when fighting you.

As he said before, it would only make you stronger. And that was why you could easily fight some of the most frightening demons of Hell without even breaking a sweat.

Vergil didn’t take long to attack you again. He had that look in his eyes he only used when he was hunting, leaving no room for mercy. You held your sword in a vertical position right in front of you, having the Yamato hit the flat blade of your claymore with enough power to have you and Vergil recoil a little from the impact.

Thankfully, your sword was sturdy enough to take a powerful blow from a legendary blade and its less than formidable wielder and not shatter. That was something you would remember later, for now Vergil attacked again and you defended, holding back a series of lightning quick attacks that required all your attention, strength and speed – as well as both of your hands holding your new sword in order to be able to avoid all of the attacks.

As expected, though, you hadn’t mastered your claymore yet. Your grip faltered in one of your hands, and Vergil’s predator eyes were quick enough to notice that and see a window of opportunity. Spinning the Yamato on his hand, Vergil gripped its hilt and used the butt-end to hit your hands and make you lose your grip on your sword.

As you tried to recover without losing too much of your stance, Vergil took the chance to spin around you – as you did before with him – and use the sheath of the Yamato to smack your back. A bit lower, and he would’ve smacked your ass – at least, he allowed you to keep a little of your pride, as you allowed him when you chose not to do that as well.

You immediately leaned the tip of your sword on the floor, side-eyeing your lover – only to find him with his head held high, that convinced expression he would always wear whenever he had the upper hand, along with a ghost of a smile you knew very well.

“Shall we continue…?” His words were crowned with his usual slight tinge of arrogance, as you turned around and adjusted your grip around the hilt of your sword. “Or will you finally yield and allow me to take care of those wounds?”

“As my lover, you should know, Vergil…” You sighed and snapped your neck from side to side, getting back into position to fight. He had to raise one of his eyebrows, ever so impressed with your resilience. “I do not yield.”

His only answer was a smile before your powerful attack, holding you back with the Yamato still sheathed, using one of his feet behind his body as an anchor so he wouldn’t fall over. Even in his wildest dreams, Vergil could never had imagined he would find someone who would give such flawless answers. Yes, he wanted to care for you. But how could he deny the fire he saw in you when you said such things? It was the same fire that kept him alive for so many years; the same fire that made him get back on his feet even when defeat was certain, when all hope was lost, and only death and blood were expected. The same fire that made Vergil defy all odds and save himself, over and over again.

He didn’t know how he had found you neither how he could deserve you, but he did hope you remained for as long as he could have you.

With another attack, he took the opportunity to unsheathe his sword, using both the blade and the sheath to defend himself from a string of attacks as ruthless as those he had attacked you before. You didn’t see an opportunity, but you knew Vergil relied on a few tricks up his metaphorical sleeves, so you acted quickly to do the same he did before – and with the hilt of your claymore, you weakened his grip on the sheath, quickly spinning your sword and hitting it with all your might, making the blue sheath fly across the training ground. Vergil immediately held Yamato’s grip with both of his hands, trying not to let his surprise show on his face.

You could see it in his silvery eyes, though. You already knew how to expertly access them, to find Vergil’s emotions underneath the icy façade he used to wear. You had an advantage that made your heart swell and bolstered your resolve – and that Vergil was also able to read in your eyes. He fought back, putting a little more of his strength and power into a few riposte attacks, stopping your advances and making you fall a few steps back.

It wouldn’t be fair if he started using his demonic might when your body was almost giving out – but Vergil had to recognize you were lasting a lot longer than he expected. He thought, by now, your physical body wouldn’t be able to keep going, completely unrelated to your willpower. But there you were, proving him wrong – and making him fall even more in love with you, if that was even possible.

Your hands trembled a bit, though. You kept your eyes locked in his, reading his every move, his every emotion – and Vergil did the same, as if your fight didn’t rely on your swords anymore. As he got ready for another devastating attack, your sword found his in the air and, spinning your blades together, you brought them down with a flick of your wrist, having them rest together a few inches inside the ground.

You turned your back for a few seconds to catch your breath, pain starting to ebb through your arms. Vergil took some steps back in amazement, since that move was a first: you had never taken a break from a fight by disarming him as well as yourself, even if for a few seconds; you only asked with words and it usually took a few minutes. He observed you carefully – part of him reading if your body was going to give out and part of him reading if you would jump on him unexpectedly. Vergil didn’t know what to expect, but he could feel his blood tingling at his fingertips, ready to take action with whatever it is that you had for him.

After a few seconds, you immediately turned around, locking your hands around the grip of your sword once more and lifting it from the ground. Vergil couldn’t believe you still wanted to fight – and even win – but mirrored your speed and had Yamato back in his grip once more.

A few more attacks. He could see your hands trembling. A few more steps. He could hear your shaking breaths. A few more swift moves. He could see the relentless fire inside your eyes.

Vergil didn’t make it easier because of your crumbling endurance – if you broke, it would serve as a lesson on assessing your own energy and how far you could go. As you knew right from the start, Vergil wasn’t a forgiving mentor and would push you to your limit – he didn’t exactly expect you would do the same thing with yourself as he did to himself in order to improve his fighting to perfection.

A flick of his wrist. A powerful move from your hands. You found yourselves drenched in sweat, in the middle of your training space, the Yamato touching your neck, and your claymore touching the skin on Vergil’s throat.

You had your eyes locked into his silvery gaze, the gleaming blades of your swords ignored as the only thing that dictated that fight was your willpower – yours and Vergil’s. As you looked into each other’s reflections, you stated something you didn’t have to say out loud to be understood: neither of you would ever yield.

As that knowing reached Vergil’s heart, that was only one thing he could really do – something his logical mind and demonic pride could never fathom as the proper response to that situation, but his human heart burned to have him do it. His free hand cupped your face, pulling you into an immediate kiss.

When your lips found his, you used your free hand to anchor yourself in place by holding the back of his neck, pulling Vergil towards you. It was a kiss that burned with the very same fire he saw in your eyes, the one he mirrored in his soul and rarely let out as something other than willpower to keep on surviving. That fire was a will to live, a will to keep going, a will for life… A lust to experience, to burn bright and intensely, to take everything existence had to offer. A lust you could only safely explore with each other, not having to channel that only into surviving, but also into living life as it should be lived.

One of the things Vergil would always tell you, was to never let your guard down. You could be calm and collected, apparently unprepared, but always aware of your surroundings – and ready to kill at every waking moment.

Anything could be a distraction, anything could be a weakness. Being that close to you, in the middle of a fight, with that whirlwind of emotions stirring like a lightning storm that had to have its energy released somehow… Even if you had your sword still in one of your hands as he had Yamato in his, your blades were lowered - you had your grip almost letting go, ready to forget it on the floor.

You had your guard down.

“A demon would have killed you by now.” Vergil’s voice was but a rough whisper as he broke the kiss, his lips barely away from yours, hot breath still ghosting on your skin.

“A demon wouldn’t have kissed me.”

Both of your swords found the floor in unison, as your hands found each other with your lips locking in another breathless kiss.

Fortunately, you were both imperfectly human.

[komoboko]

okie hihi its me again, I'll resending the request plantonic with teen-reader and (fatherfigure)kokupuffs

It will be simple same sitution with tanjiro and nezuko, but differeny dymanic, kokupuffs trained reader with his moon breathing(as a spy in the corps), and he continues teaching them until somewhere along the year, he grow attach to them so he discards the die of the spy in the corps and continues to train and raise reader, and reader grow wonderfully, time skip- reader hearing about what happened to tanjiro in hashira meeting, and just have a blow oit panic attack, what if someone found out their teacher(father) is a demon? a upper rank one? and just kokushibo comforting them quietly, pat pat the head of smt.

just fatherly love.

𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐭

Platonic kokushibo tsugikuni x teen!reader

I wrote this three different times to get to the same ending the writing block is killing me

Your method of training was much more unconditional compared to any other slayer to say the least.

You still learned all the basic, excelled well in them to. Techniques came much easier to you and you had a great mentor, it was only the little things that made it different. Maybe the small part that you started to adapt moon breathing into your skills, a breathing style not picked up or used by slayers for a long time. That’s fine, maybe you were just ahead of your game.

Maybe it was the fact that you mentor just happened to be a demon, an upper moon. Which demons are obviously prohibited in the corps, but upperanks specifically? If they even find out about it they’ll be hunt down and hopefully executed immediately. That’s not to good is it..

Kokushibo was an interesting man. His way of going about things is different, this thought process is different, his entire body structure is different. Everything about him was strange. Some ways it still surprises you that he even decided to help you in the first place.

He never planned keeping you around for this long in the first place. It was only so he could blend in with the rest of the slayers nearby, making him less suspicious in case anything happened. He trained you for a while, he was more surprised by how quickly you grown. He didn’t expect himself to grow attached to you. He tried to fight it off for a while he really did but it just wouldn’t work.

So reluctantly he persisted, trained you much longer than a spy mission would require. As much as he denies it he can’t say he doesn’t look out for you. He’ll tell you it’s nothing and you’ll just need to repay him for doing this but you know he doesn’t want anything from you in return. He’s surprised at how far you’ve grown in moon breathing. He’s proud of your growth and he doesn’t regret taking you in while he could.

You’ve been practicing for awhile with kokushibo and with others in the corps. You wouldn’t ever tell them how you learned it, you’d just tell them it came natural to you. That’s all the information they need to know, especially after what you seen today.

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop you just happen to be in the area at the same moment and the same time. The new boy you seen at the corps was outed for smuggling a demon, having been protecting his little sister in the giant box he carried around. You could sympathize for him as you had your own situation with handling a demon. You couldn’t blame him for his actions, but you’d never say this out loud. You wouldn’t dare.

It surprised you how harsh the boy was treated, even more so at how his little sister was treated. It brought you even more fear at realize the repercussions of anybody finding out how you’ve even trained. Seeing how bad this boy was treated despise being here for such little time, it would be devastating if they figured out how long this “scandal” has been going on.

Panic soon began to consume you as your breathing picked up and your eyes widen more as you darted off. Running into the woods in no particular direction as your breathing soon became much more intense as fear only seemed to control your actions even more. Your body leans up against a tree as you slowly shuffle down. Your knees pressed to your chest as you stare at the leaves on the grassy floor.

You were unaware of kokushibo presence who awkwardly stood behind the tree. He was aware of the demon child and its slayer brother as muzan had informed him. Your mumbling only confirmed his suspicions on what he believed happened. He walks to stand beside you unsure if the first way to approach this, he never needed to really comfort you in this manor. The only time he did so was to motivate you to train more, nothing like this.

His hands finds it way to the top of your head as he stiffly attempts to pat your head to comfort you. You only stare up at him as your distress is still present, “what if they find out? Especially if they realize hiw long this has been going on?!” You mumble as the fear in your voice is evident. Kokushibo only shakes his head at you to stop yourself from continuing on.

“Nonsense child, mortals like you are easy to deceive. If they ever do I..” he stops himself he can’t tell you he would kill them, it would only cause you to fall deeper into despair than you already are. “I will personally come to defend your honor.” He finishes his sentence before looking down at you again, hoping to bring you so firm of closure.

You couldn’t help but still fear some fear, no matter how calming the demon’s words were meant to be. “I know I know, but if they even find out for a second I’d be cursed. Banished from the corps, I’d be persecuted by every slayer around. It would be an unforgivable action possibly.” You ramble out as kokushibo only kneels down to get closer to your eye level. Before you can continue he only stops you before you can say more.”

“Being a child like yourself should not be some sort a sin.” He states staring back at you with all six of his eyes. “If they even have any theory of you working under me I shall take the weight and th blame. A child like yourself shouldn’t and won’t feel any remorse nor any pain. I will make sure of this myself.” His words are meaningful in deep despite the strange way he puts it.

Your eyes only drift back to the ground as silence falls between the two of you. Your knees shift before your head turns to look at kokushibo. Who can tell hopes you understand what he was trying to tell you. He shifts as he stares out into the distance becoming stiff when he feels a pair of arms around him. He blinks when you hug him not very sure on how to react quickly.

He sits still for a moment before slowly just letting you hug him. One of his arms wrap around you in hopes to comfort you a little bit more. He feels you calming down more and it eases him to know your original state of panic washes away. Even to this day despite how long he’s been strolling the earth he does not get why he feels any attachment towards you in the first place. Never the less he embraces it.

You on the other hand are grateful for his presence just being here with you in the first place. You know he’s gonna go on with his “mortals are insignificant” and his “humans are so stubborn and so weak at the same time” rambles later on. You can appreciate him being here to give you his piece of mind now and to really tell you he’s here for you even if he can’t express it right.

Your mentor still is pretty weird, immoral to others. You can’t say you don’t appreciate him being him whether others will like it or not.

[fillinforlater]

Master['s] Ball[s]

Male Reader x Choi Yena

Length: 2788 words

Tags: a totally normal gaming night, playing games, cute friendship, having fun, helping each other, grinding, sex as a reward, blow job, playing with testicles, balls, balls, balls, Yena really likes sucking you, jerking you off, soft dom, violent orgasm, pajama party gone wild

Inspiration: that Yena pic as well as some crazy ideas/implementation of Pokemon elements (I do not claim them to be right, just go along with it xD)

(A/N: I wanted to keep it at about 1k, but I went wild xD I feel obliged to @usedpidemo and @worldsover but it's for all of you Yena lovers out there!)

“Ugh, dang it! I can’t beat this guy.”

Yena slams a hand on her blanket and sulks. It has not been her night. Usually, she is bubbly and energetic when the two of you play games together, but today, both her luck and skill seem to have run out. She can’t get past this one difficult enemy, who has a strong matchup against her. 

Peek over her shoulder as she walks across the world to buy items and once again tries to beat her nemesis. She is playing on her 3DS, one of the older Pokemon versions, in her memory the hardest. You have been too occupied with your own handheld device, a gray Gameboy with small scratches and concerning dents, to know how she is doing. 

Yena calls both your console and taste in games ancient and does not understand your obsession with the old, funky sound track and graphics. She will play with you, sure, but she prefers the newer games, the bigger worlds, the mostly easier games to play. No wonder she starts to whine at her first challenge. You giggle.

“Should I help you?” you ask Yena and rub her shoulder to cheer her up. A cute girl in pink pajamas with a pink 3DS and pink fingernails should not get sad over a game, especially if there is someone who could help her. She just has to swallow her pride.

“No, I can do it on my own!” Yena responds and starts up the fight again. At first she is confident, calculated, her attacks connect, but as the battle continues, her Pokemon faint. One by one, her opponent can take them out, always having an answer for what she throws at him. In the end, it’s a devastating defeat and Yena lowers the 3DS, which she had put close to her face, as if it was of any use.

“Ts,” she hisses after a second of awkward silence and turns to look at you. “He is too difficult, I bet you can’t beat him either.”

“Can I at least try?” you ask her with a smile and she hands you the console. You make your own adjustments before the fight and notice some of Yena’s pre-match mistakes. Switch around items and Pokemon, and leave her confused as she watches from the side, scooting her body close to you, almost sitting on you. 

“Do you want to sit in between my legs?” you laugh when she almost falls onto you. It’s not an honest question, just a show of how uncertain you are with her being this close. You’re not children anymore, no kindergarten friends, but adults, who flee from reality ever so often in colorful, exciting worlds. However, Yena’s answer stuns you.

“Yes, that would be so cool! Like when we were kids!”

You sit there and look at her with wide eyes, not moving, brain frozen with a mixture of conflicting emotions. There is thrill, a bit of fear, a droplet of child-like wonder and a sudden rush of… something warm in your chest. Yena suddenly takes matters into her own hands, pushing your legs apart and sitting down in between them, her back resting on your upper body. Your arms naturally fall around her and you have to put your chin on her shoulder to watch the two screens.

“Is this comfortable for you?” she asks kindly, her pink-pajama-covered legs touching your blue-pajama-covered legs.

“Ye-yeah, it’s n-nice,” you stutter and quickly try to focus on the battle ahead. Right from the get go it’s smooth. Watching Yena’s previous attempt, you have memorized the opponents playstyle and the attacks of his Pokemon. With smart play after smart play, you find answers for the things he throws at you.

Yena gasps in awe from time to time, shimming in excitement as you get closer and closer to succeeding. It’s like she is about to burst when you send out the final, winning hit and hear the triumphant music, but she holds herself back and wordlessly takes back her 3DS.

“And?” you ask her with a grin. “I did beat him. You didn’t believe me, but in the end, I’m still the Master at Pokemon.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Yena rolls her eyes and pouts her lips. “Well done, Pokemon Master. I would have beaten him too… eventually…”

“Don’t worry Yena, you’ll get there eventually.”

“Stop being so mean, ts.”

After your short banter, you expected her to get out from her seat in between your legs, but quite the opposite is true. She gets more comfortable, sinking into you like you're a chair and playing totally relaxed. You try to do the same, but after a bit of aimlessly wandering around in your own world of escapism, you turn off the Gameboy and decide to watch Yena play. 

It’s endearing, her adorable laugh at NPC’s textboxes, her attempts to hum the various melodies, her gasp when she finds a new Pokemon in the tall grass. Sadly, most of them run away or accidentally die before she can catch them, but you love the way she never gives up.

“What if I,” she suddenly says and turns to look at you, noses almost touching. 

“Wh-what is it, Yena?”

“What if I finally find a Jigglypuff and can't catch it? That would be really frustrating. They are so rare and easily the coolest Pokemon, but so rare. Can I ask you for help then?”

She looks at you with wide, adorable eyes, like a kitten who meows for food and someone to lovingly scratch her back. You can’t help but blush at her cuteness and pat her head.

“You can just get a Master Ball, you know? It’s not that hard to obtain in this game.”

“What is a Master Ball?”

“Wait, you don’t know the Master Ball? It’s an item which lets you catch every Pokemon on the first try, guaranteed.” 

“Really? That is so cool, please get me one!”

Yena eagerly hands you her pink console and you take charge of the controls once more. As you travel across the land, searching far and wide for the last couple of things to finish your quest for the item Yena so desperately wants. Speaking of Yena, she watches you play in awe, with dreamy eyes and adjusts her posture from time to time, which is not a big deal until—

Her butt reaches your crotch. You feel the softness of her, even through a couple of layers of pajamas you swear you can feel it right on your most private parts. You clear your throat, but Yena is oblivious to your signs and continues to melt her body into you, now even rubbing you. 

Focus back on the game, the task ahead will distract you. You can’t allow yourself to have lewd thoughts over Yena. She is your childhood friend, loyal from then to now and forever. Never would you allow yourself to think in that way about her—well, but her lips can probably do one word starting with ‘S’ very well, except for shouting and singing. 

No, focus. You need to get the Master Ball. If Yena can just get her Jigglypuff, her favorite Pokemon, and also favorite fighter in Smash, she would be all bubbly and her giggles would not only fill her room, but also your heart. With the Master Ball, this is basically guaranteed, so you carefully do your mission.

“Okay, I’m almost there,” you say frantically pushing buttons and Yena sways side to side, grinding herself more and more on your manhood.

“Yes, you can do it!” she shouts and for some reason starts to give quick taps to your cheek. Her smell can only be described as pink with a tiny hint of sweat coming from her pits and hands. During all the time you’ve spent with her you have never noticed this, but now it’s starting to mess with your mind. You don’t even really notice the last couple of inputs and the pop-up on the screen saying—

“You got it! The Master Ball, ya-hoo!”

Yena turns around and lunges at you. In your distracted state even her light, small frame can tackle you onto the mattress. Yena giggles gleefully at your shocked expression and reaches for the console. She saves the progress, then puts away the device just to lay her head onto your heaving chest. 

You feel your breath quicken and the pace of your heart reach a new height. Doesn’t help that her tummy presses right onto your dick and that you can't keep your lustful thoughts from spiraling further out of control.

"Thank you for the help," Yena coos and traces her finger along the side of your body, it tickles a little. "You truly are the Pokemon Master."

"N-no problem," you answer her with an awkward laugh, watching her finger drift further down until she lands right at a forbidden spot.

"Maybe I could help you with something too~?"

Wordlessly, Yena drags down your pajama pants along with your boxers. You feel your heart tighten in your chest and quickly hide your private parts behind timid hands, but shy words of rejection don't come past your lips.

Something about Yena's expression has you stunned, unable to think or move. She looks so happy, a bit giddy but still in control. With trembling, needy eyes she looks up to your face, down to your crotch, up to your face like she is watching an agonizingly slow ping-pong match. 

"I could feel it, you know? Let me help you with it."

She puckers her lips and moves them down to where she just sat. It's now up to you to remove your hands and let her have it or to call it off, tell her she is crazy for just suggesting something like this. You are friends, the type to play games to ignore all the responsibilities of life, from paying taxes and rent to political and family issues. No need to create more issues.

"You don't need to be embarrassed," Yena says with a small smile. "Just returning a favor. I promise it will feel good."

"I-I don't know."

"Trust me."

She puckers her lips. Shouting, singing—sucking, perhaps? Can you really be this bold, let her try it and maybe ruin something this important to you? She never had a boyfriend, so how would she know how to please someone?

"Trust me, okay?"

Yena repeats her words and you are tired of letting the doubts in your head repeat thrmselves. She is already this close to them, you might as well let her have it, and so you remove your hands from your cock and instead hide your flushed head.

"Hm, it looks a little different," Yena whispers as her face turns the same color as yours. "You are not really hard, but still… it looks big."

Somehow, your mouth feels dry. It isn't, you're not thirsty or anything, but for some reason it feels sticky. You barely get a whimper out when Yena sticks out her tongue to touch the tip of your semi-hard cock.

"Can I touch it?" Yena asks, her eyes big in excitement. You nod.

Carefully, Yena grabs the base of your cock and puts it upright. The soft touch of her fingers feels incredible, totally different from your own touch. The foreign hand, it's nice but you soon realize why it's also scary. She has no idea what it feels like to have a penis, so when she pulls up and rubs her hand too roughly over your cockhead, you yelp.

"Ye-Yena, ouch, ca-careful."

"So-sorry. I—oh my~"

Yena's jaw drops when she eyes your balls. Her puckered lips dive onto them and kiss them without hesitation and your knees flail in shock. That's what a mouth feels like on them, oh God.

"Master's Balls."

"What?"

"You know, like the it—"

"I get it, i-it's just so stupid."

The two of you chuckle. You feel tension vibrate out of your body, as if this isn't embarrassing, just a dumb little game you're playing. What could go wrong, really? 

"Sorry," Yena cackles and attacks your sack a bit bolder this time, trying to put it into her mouth whole. You watch her and groan at her tongue licking and grazing and spreading spit over them.

"How could you sa—ah!"

Your question ends in a moan when Yena starts to stroke up and down your shaft, getting it harder in the process.

"How could I what? Get you this hard~?" Yena teases and this time opts for only one of your balls, which easily fits into her eager mouth.

"S-s-say the, that Ma—fuck, Yena!"

Now she is pumping at a speed faster than you usually start with while watching porn. Come to think of it, a lot of the girls you watch porn of look similar to Yena. The cute type, with shapely lips and a bubbly personality. In all honesty, during some of the blowjob scenes, you thought of Yena doing it; but when you now open your eyes, which is hard with the mind-boggling pleasure on your sensitive balls, she is right there, doing it.

It’s better than the fake Yena of your imagination, world’s above than just your hand. The way she goes up and down your joystick, adds saliva to her hand and grips it with perfect tightness again, while suckling gleefully on your left ball, your right one—shit, she can call them whatever she wants, you’d even let her poke your balls. 

“Yena, y-you’re the best,” you moan and pat her head with shaky hands, watching her eyes peek behind your throbbing erection. 

“Hihi, thank you, Pokemon Master,” she giggles and licks up from your balls to your red tip. She guides out droplets of clear precum which has you accidentally trap her body with your knees when you tense up. Yena can take the hit without getting hurt, but the attitude in her scintillating eyes changes from one of playful joy to blissful desire.

“Wh-where did you l-learn this?”

“I was watching certain videos,” Yena lewdly giggles.

A pop and your balls are free. Boy, you can feel how they want to release the cum you didn’t know you had pent up. Yena notices it herself, which she emphasizes by cupping your balls and stopping her strokes but keeping a tight grip on your base.

“You are so full. Don’t get me wrong: I want you to explode in my hands, but first you have to admit it.

“Did you ever think about me doing this?”

Fuck, how does she—

“I—I would n—

“Yes, I did. Yena, I fantasized about your lips qu-quite often.”

“That’s good,” she coos and puts the slightest bit of pressure on your sack, making you hiss and slowly tear up. “Then why didn’t you tell me? We could have had fun for longer.”

“S-sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Be honest with me. Always.”

“O-okay.”

Yena rubs your cock on her cheek. She is so soft, such an adorable girl, but here she also is, going down on you. Past her ducky lips, into her warm mouth, your tip disappears. If she only learned this through watching porn, it’s impressive that she has you this close to an orgasm already. Then again, it’s Yena. Yena, who you notice is much more than just a gaming buddy.

“Th-that feels so good,” you groan. “I-I’m getting close.”

“I knew you’d like my mouth,” Yena says with a smile and suddenly starts to jerk you off rapidly. “But now cum from just my hand. Cum, like you’re watching a video, imagining me, like I’m not even here.”

“B-but, y-you are—fuck, Yena, I want you!”

Yena can’t hear you. She is too enamored with the taste and texture of your balls

which can’t hold their white stuff anymore. A final suck on each one of them and you violently release—Yena violently forces her cum out of you. She does not stop even as the ropes fly into the air and rain down on her head and your pajamas. 

With a harsh thud you crash back on the bed, your cock still wrung out by an eager Yena. It’s like a new kind of firework for her or the first snowfall of winter. Why else would she put out her tongue to catch some of it and get a taste? Wrinkles form on her forehead when she swallows it.

“Hm, pretty salty and… weird.”

“S-sorry,” you barely squeeze out, head spinning, legs twitching.

“Nah it’s fine.”

Yena climbs up to your sweat covered face. She has this huge grin on her face.

“I’ll have a lot of time to get used to the taste, right, Pokemon Master?”

[greynatomy]

ribbons

hayley raso x reader

bit of a second part to raso vs raso

requested from wp

pretend that hayley hasn’t been wearing ribbons until now cause that’s how i wrote it. thanks! :)

———

You had injured yourself during the first game of the season, tearing the dreaded three letters. You were devastated, the crowd cheering for you as you were helped off the field by your wife, assuring her you’d wait for her and to finish the match.

You had your surgery the next day, Hayley staying by your side through it all, like how you were with her. Being injured though, has given you so much time to spend with your daughter, Emmy.

Right now, you were packing for both you and your daughter, where you would be traveling to Australia to watch you wife play the Olympic Qualifiers. Since you weren’t called up for your international duties and can’t play with your club team, you’d decided to be with Hayley. Also, your daughter is not at the age where she’s understanding what her mothers do for a career.

———

Hayley didn’t play against the match with Iran, but you were back in the stands for the match against the Philippines, which Hayley started in.

The whole game, Emmy would constantly ask where her Mama was. It was difficult for her to find Hayley through the game, frustrating her a bit.

Back at the hotel room you share with your wife, you told her about Emmy’s struggle. All night, Hayley had her little girl cuddled up on top of her, and you pressed up to her side, as if you both had to make sure she wouldn’t be going anywhere.

———

It was now the day of the match against Chinese Taipei. Hayley woke up to the sound of her alarm, quickly shutting it off to not wake her girls up. She went to the bathroom to freshen up, giving you and Emmy a kiss and headed out.

Before meeting the rest of the team, Hayley went out to a nearby stationary store, grabbing the one thing she needs.

You wake up a couple of hours after your wife leaves, which wakes your daughter as well. It was already noon, so you both go out to have lunch and waste some time a little bit before the match starts.

As your in the stands waiting for the players to walk onto the pitch, you get a text from your wife.

hayley baby <3

keep a lookout, i’ll be a lot easier to spot this time

You don’t really know what she meant until you see her walk into the pitch. There she was, with a yellow ribbon ties to her hair.

“Baby, look!” You pick your daughter up and place her on your hip, pointing at your wife. “Mama has a little yellow ribbon in her hair.”

“Why, Mommy?”

“Remember when you said that you couldn’t find where Mama is when she’s playing?” She nods her heard. “Well, Mommy told Mama and now Mama is making sure you can find where she is easier.”

“She did that for me?” Her bottom lips wobble, tears forming in her eyes.

“Oh, baby. Mama loves you so much.”

“I love her lots.”

Australia wins 3-0 when the final whistle blows. You and Emmy are jumping where you’re at. Hayley goes to do an interview.

After a couple questions about the match, the interviewer asks a different kind of question.

“Now, we’ve all seen a new accessory on your for today’s match. We just want to know what’s that all about?”

“Yeah, um, after the las game, my wife, back in our hotel room, told me how our daughter was having trouble seeing where I am on the pitch, frustrating her a bit, so decided to tie a ribbon in my hair.”

“So, it won’t be the last time with the ribbon

“No. It’ll be a part of me on the pitch from now on.”

“Thank you, Hayley.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Walking away from the interviewer, she goes to where her family is. Emmy was the first to spot her.

“Mama! Mama!”

“Hi, baby girl.” She greets with a big smile. Emmy hold her arms up, wanting to be picked up, which Hayley does. She sets Emmy down next to her, with a bit of a fuss. “Let me just get Mommy too first.” She helps you get over the barricade, mindful of your knee. “Hi, Hon.” She greets you with a kiss.

“Mama.” Emmy tugs on her mom’s shorts. “Mommy said the ribbon was for me.”

“It was for you, baby.” Hayley picks her up, and sets her on her waist.

“I love you, Mama.”

“I love you more.”

[bteezxyewriter12]

Just Want to Play/ 2

Pairing- Mingi x Named Reader

Word count- 4k

Includes- Mingi is tattooed and nail painted black, pining, oral, blow job, pussy eating, face riding, cum eating, cock riding, dirty talk, squirting, multiple orgasms, some fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxminnie @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@yeosxxx @seokwoosmole @jjongsbebe @wisejudgedragonhairdo @meowmeowminnie @woo-stars @borntowalkaway @usagionthered @san-realblkwife @seonghwasstar @jejeyeppeo @soulseobi05 @kpop-bambi @prayerofthehaim @realisticnotes @pinkies-things @insomniacatiny @stephy-nicole13 @mknae-jongho

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Masterlists 📝ATEEZ Masterlist 📝Mingi Masterlist

One week later

Mingi POV

Laying in my bed, I stare at the ceiling, not able to sleep

I haven't been able to sleep since I was with her

It's not even about the sex which was fucking amazing

It was holding her after, watching her sleep in my arms, feeling her cuddle against me that I can't get out of my head

It's everything I ever wanted

I've loved my best friend since I can remember

Wanted only her

I had other girlfriends, then fuck buddies but none have ever captured my attention the way she does

And she has no idea

Even now, after what happened, I don't think she knows how much it meant to me

I doubt she'll ever see me the way I wish she would

And I'm too scared to say anything, too scared to risk our friendship

So I sit back and watch her date other guys, support her

And wish she was mine

I was ok when she was dating strangers, guys I didn't know

But when I found out about her and San, I was fucking devastated

And I took it out on San

Avoiding him, snapping at him when he spoke to me

He finally asked me what my problem was and I lied

I told him I was jealous that he got to fuck my best friend first

And I asked him to talk to her for me but I didn't want her to know it was me until the day of

I was scared of her rejection

He was more than willing, telling me that her and him fuck casually

Which also pisses me off but I can't do anything about it

And I thought maybe it was just lust

Maybe if I was with her these feelings would go away

I was wrong

So wrong

-------------------------------

I'm sitting on my couch with the TV on but I'm not watching it

It's just on for noise

I'm either thinking about her or falling asleep

These sleepless nights are catching up with me

But even if I fall asleep, it's never for long

I'm feeling drowsy, my eyes closing when the doorbell rings

The loud ring startles me awake, making me jump

"Jesus", I mutter as the bell rings again

Standing up, I amble to the door, opening it

"Jo?", I ask, shocked to see her standing there

I don't remember us planning to hang out today

"Hi Mingi", she smiles, making my heart beat faster

I let her in, closing the door behind her

"Did you text me?", I ask as we plop down on the couch

"Oh uh no. Are you busy?"

"Nope", I answer, looking over at her, "I just thought maybe I forgot we were supposed to hang or I didn't read a text or something"

"No, I kind just showed up", she says quietly, "I uh..wanted to talk to you"

I'm getting a little nervous

We haven't really spoken much since last week

"What..what uh do you wanna talk about?"

"Well...", she says, trailing off, her gaze meeting mine, "Kinda wanted to talk about what happened last week... with us"

I nod, anxiety filling my body, "Yeah sure"

"Where did you go? When I woke up you weren't there. San was asleep next to me"

I'm jealous that San was there with her but realistically it's his bed, where else would he sleep?

"San woke me up when he got home", I explain, "I felt bad that we were asleep in his bed, so I left. You were so tired and couldn't be woken up. San told me to just leave you. He moved you to one side of the bed and said he was gonna crash"

She nods, "Makes sense since he was all the way on the other side of his massive bed"

San has a huge king size bed

I feel better that they were on opposite sides of it while me and her were cuddled in the middle of it

Not that it means a damn thing

"I was a little disappointed that you weren't there when I woke up"

I perk up at that, "Oh?"

She nods, her cheeks pink but she avoids eye contact

"Sorry"

"No I get it", she answers, "I uh also wanted to tell you....I had fun. With you"

I swallow hard, trying not to get my hopes up

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Shit Mingi, you fucked me so good I couldn't walk when I woke up"

I blink in utter surprise, "I..really?"

She nods, "I was so sore. And when I stood up I just fell down. San had to pick me up and carry me to the bathroom then back to bed. He had to massage my legs for like an hour so I could walk"

"I'm sorry", I apologize, horrified that I fucked her so hard I hurt her

That wasn't my intention at all

"No it's fine, I didn't tell you to get you upset or anything", she asks

"Oh uh ok...well why did you tell me?", I ask, curious and confused

She didn't have to tell me anything or ever bring up what happened again so I'm wondering why she is

"Well....uh...I'm just gonna ask you ok?"

Ask me what?

"Uh alright?", I answer

She takes a breath and looks at me, "Can I play with your cock Mingi?"

I blink, in complete shock at what she just said

If she did say it or maybe I'm imagining it

"Uh...what?"

"I want to play on your cock again. Can I?"

Ok my fucking god she did say that

"Yes", I answer immediately

It would never be anything but yes

"Are you sure? I don't want you to just say yes. I want you to want to"

"I do Jo. I really want to", I assure her, "I had a lot of fun with you too"

"Oh..that's good", she murmurs, glancing over at me, "So...now?"

I'm so good with now

"Now", I confirm

She smirks, then shoves me back hard on my couch, her hands already pulling down my sweatpants

Once they're off, her hands are pushing my shirt up, her lips pressing kisses into my abs, shivers running up and down my spine

My god, her lips feel so good, her kisses so good

I watch her tongue lick my skin before she kisses it, that sight driving me out of my mind

She kisses up my body, pushing my shirt up with every inch she moves

And I'm just laying in a daze, my skin trembling against every peck

Getting to my chest, she sits up, tugging on my shirt, "Off Mingi"

I nod, sitting right up and letting her pull it off me

Then I'm laying back down immediately, her lips kissing my chest, on the right dragon tattoo

I watch her kiss that one, then the other, trailing kisses up higher

When her lips sink into my neck, I let out the most embarrassing moan as she kisses right into a spot that feels amazing

"You sound so pretty baby", she murmurs, her hand sliding into my hair and tugging as she kisses right into my neck tattoo

I move my arms around her, holding her against me as her tongue licks me

"Fuck", I groan, her pretty little chuckle so sexy as she laughs in my neck

She begins her descent down my body again, kisses leaving fire on my skin, her fingers trailing after her lips

She pulls my boxers down as she kisses along my dick, making me gasp in pleasure

Leaving my boxers down to my thighs, her tongue slowly licks up my length, moans leaving my mouth as my eyes stay locked on her

"Didn't get to suck your dick last time", she murmurs, "Was a little disappointed"

"Ssss....sorry", I stammer, "I....I didn't....didn't know"

"Now you do", she smirks, "I like sucking dick"

Well that is definitely something I did not know about her

"Yours is huge", she says, licking under my head, "And I'm going to try to get it all in but I'm not sure I can"

That is more than ok

Any part of my cock in her mouth is good with me

"Please don't be mad at me if I can't", she says, giving me wide innocent eyes

"I won't...I promise. I won't be mad", I whimper

I can never get mad at her normally, I especially won't be mad about anything to do with sex

She nods, "Ok Mingi"

With that, her mouth moves around my head, sucking softly but quickly right off the bat

My body is thrown into incredible pleasure, the sight of her mouth around my dick arousing in itself

I never thought I'd see this in my entire life

She moves down fairly quickly, sucking away, spit falling down my length that's not in her mouth, her hand around the base, stroking up and down in time with her sucking

"Fuck", I whimper, my cock hitting the back of her throat the further down she goes

My head pushes into her throat, the tight space spasming as she chokes, the sound so pretty

I don't want to hurt her though so I start to pull back

"Uh uh", she growls, shaking her head

I stop moving and she pushes my head and now more of my cock into her throat

Her pretty eyes water, her spit all over my cock, dripping down, so messy and I'm so here for it

I like sloppy blow jobs

And I really like her blowing me

She starts bobbing her head, the sight of my cock moving in and out of her mouth mind blowing

And the pleasure is out of this world, every nerve in bliss

She moves down slightly with each bob down and I watch her desperately try to get my whole cock in her mouth, sucking like her life depends on it, tears streaming down her face

It's not working so well though

"I can't do it", she pouts, pulling off my dick, my mind exploding

She sounds so upset that she can't deepthroat my whole cock

I have no clue what to do with that

Her tongue slides up my length, licking against the underside of my head, then sucking there slightly sending chills down my spine

"Maybe I just need more practice", she says, her tongue swirling around my slit

Did she say practice?

"I uh..."

"Are you gonna let me practice? Let me blow you again?", she asks, her wide eyes staring up at me innocently, "I like sucking your dick"

Jesus Christ

I don't know if she's just saying this in the moment but I'm more than happy to let her practice on me

"Mingi!", she whines, sucking on my head loudly, "Can I practice with your cock?"

I nod immediately, "Yeah. Yes"

She smirks, "Good"

And her mouth is around me again, going down as far as she can, sucking like her life depends on it, jerking me off at the same time

My god she really does know how to suck and make it so pleasurable

"Mmm", she moans, choking around me, her teary eyes watching me

I groan in bliss as she brings me closer with that fucking mouth of hers

"Cum down my throat", she tells me, her tongue all over my length, "Wanna swallow it all"

"Fuck", I murmur as her mouth takes me in again, sucking hard

I move my hand in her hair, holding on as she throws me into a mind blowing orgasm

"Fuck, Jo! Oh fuck!", I cry, shooting cum down her throat as bliss wracks my body

I keep my eyes on her, groaning when I see her swallow, her throat tightening again and again, making everything ten times better

I hold her in place as I cum, her mouth still moving, still sucking

When it's over, I gape at her, never having felt such ecstasy before

"Fuck baby", she murmurs between sucks, looking at me, "Your cum tastes so good"

My mind implodes at her words

"What?"

"You taste so yummy. I swallowed it all. Look"

She opens her mouth, sticking her tongue out so I can see that she did indeed swallow it all

That gesture makes my cock throb in her hand

God, she's so hot

My body trembles on its own as her tongue licks my underside, then sucks on my head

Quicker than I thought possible she gets me rock hard and I'm so fucking surprised

Pulling off me, she sits up, her eyes on mine

"I'm gonna sit on your cock now", she murmurs, getting in my lap

"Please", I whimper, holding onto her hips, excited

I want her so badly

Aligning me to her hole, she sinks down, taking my head inside her

"Fuck", I cry as she slowly moves down my cock, her tight cunt welcoming me in

"Mingi", she moans, the sound of my name in her voice so fucking pretty, driving me crazy

Her hand moves down her body, her fingers rubbing her clit as she pushes down my cock

"Oh Mingi, yes", she cries, closing her eyes, her head tilting back, her cunt getting so much more wet as she slowly takes each inch, her fingers rubbing faster

The incredible sight of my best friend playing with herself as she takes my cock is seared in my memory, something I will never, in my lifetime, forget

"Mingi! I'm gonna cum on your cock", she pants, so close to bottoming me out, her cunt pulsing like crazy, "Please, can I cum on your cock?"

"Yes, yes baby. Yes", I moan, the pleasure she's giving me driving me crazy

She bottoms me out, my head nestled and rubbing her spot, coming at the same time

Her pussy chokes my cock again and again as bliss hits me

I watch the clear sight of her coming around my dick and I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful

Her hand falls away from her pussy as she leans back, holding herself up

I don't even think, I move my hand to her cunt, rubbing her clit, keeping her climaxing for a few seconds longer

"Mingi", she cries, her legs shaking around my body

When she finishes, her eyes open, her gaze moving to mine, a smirk on her face

"So good baby", she coos, leaning her hands on my abs, "Gonna make you feel so good right now"

Before I can say anything, she starts bouncing on my cock, up and down, throwing my body into pure pleasure

I watch her tight hole split around my length as she impales herself on my dick over and over, her cream coating my shaft with every bounce

"Oh fuck Mingi", she murmurs, her breathing increasing

I can't stop my hands from roaming her body, touching her soft skin, feeling it tremble under my touch, my eyes moving to her wiggling boobs

Her hands move to mine, putting them over her boobs, keeping her hands over mine and squeezing

"Touch me Mingi", she moans breathlessly, "Fuck, I want you to touch me so badly. Ever since last time I want your hands on me"

I can touch her no problem

Her hands slide to my wrists, my hands squeezing her boobs, the black nail polish I'm wearing so stark against her soft pale skin

Her body is sweaty, a pretty sheen covering her, her hair drenched, tears falling down her face from pleasure

She looks absolutely gorgeous

"Fuck, you don't know how long I wanted you on my cock", I whimper, watching her ride me, feeling the utter bliss she's giving me, "How long I wanted to hear you moan for my cock, cry for my cock, scream on my cock. How long I wanted you to want my dick inside you. Only mine"

Fuck, I fantasized about her for fucking years

For just this moment

Her bouncing on my dick, tears down her face, crying my name from the pleasure

Just like she is now

"Wanted my cock inside you for so long", I murmur, "Just wanted to wear your cunt like my favorite cock sleeve"

"You can", she cries, tears cascading down her pretty face, "You can wear my pussy anytime Mingi"

Fuck, I wish

"Don't lie, Jo"

She shakes her head, her hips dropping her pussy down my length over and over, the cream leaking from her cunt all over my cock and lap

"I'm not", she cries, "Fuck, Mingi, love being on your cock"

"Yeah aegi?", I murmur, "You take my cock so well. So small but you take all of me each time, fitting so perfectly around me. Wanna be inside you all the time"

"Please baby", she sobs, her body arching as she shakes in pleasure, "You can wear me all the time. Like an accessory for your cock"

I really like that thought

To just have her whenever I want

And it's not just for me

To be able to pleasure her, eat her cunt, make her cum all the time is so enticing

It's a wish I doubt will ever happen

"Mingi, gonna cum", she cries, her fingers digging into my arms, her hips lifting and dropping like lightning, riding me harder than any girl ever has

Giving me ecstasy like no girl ever has

"Fall apart on my cock baby", I demand

"Mingi!", she screams, doing just that as her cunt squirts all over the place, drenching my dick, my lap, my abs and my couch, her hips rocking on me, keeping my head rubbing her spot

I watch the stunning sight in awe, breathing hard

Her body spasms as she finishes, sucking in breaths as her eyes slowly open

I look at her through my sweaty hair, wanting nothing more than to keep pleasing her

Grabbing her hips, I move down the couch, laying down flat

Lifting her off my cock, I move her over my face, pull her down as I lift my head, my tongue all over her, tasting her sweet cunt again

"Oh fuck, Mingi", she whimpers, her legs shaking around my head

I keep a firm grip on her thighs, holding her against my mouth as I eagerly eat her pussy

Running my tongue along her slit, her pretty lips open for me, her cunt so soft, so wet against my tongue

I tease her hole, slipping just the tip inside her and pulling out before she can clench down on it

She whines, making me laugh as I keep playing with her

Rolling my tongue over her clit her body shivers as soon as I touch it, a loud pornographic moan coming from her

I switch between licking her clit and sucking on it, her pussy completely watering my face the more I play with her throbbing bump

And I absolutely love it

Her hips start moving as she grinds her pussy against my tongue, her breathing increasing, her hand sliding into my hair, holding on hard, moaning my name

I finally shove my tongue in her cunt, her hole throbbing hard, sending pleasure right to my cock

Sliding out of her hole, I run my tongue up to her clit, sucking on it once, the slide back down, dipping inside again

I keep pleasuring her this way, her hips moving faster as her cries become louder

I know from how hard she's pulsing around my tongue that she's close

The next movements have her coming against my face and I eagerly shove my tongue up her cunt, letting her orgasm all over it

Her sweet cream fills my mouth and I groan into her as I swallow greedily

Her hips still once she finishes and I take the chance to lick her pussy clean

She moves down my body, sitting on my stomach, looking down at me and smiling softly

"Now it's your turn to cum"

I just nod, so turned on

"Where do you wanna cum baby?"

"Inside", I say immediately, "Wanna cum inside"

Her smirk widens, "Wanna fill me up like you did last time?"

I nod

Hell yes

"Ok", she giggles, "I liked being full of your cum last time"

My eyes widen, shock hitting me

She's shocking me so much today

She turns around, pulling my boxers completely off and moving over my lap in a reverse cowgirl position

She reaches behind her, holding my dick up, looking over her shoulder at me

"Watch my pussy take your cock", she says

Yes ma'am

She sits on me again and I have the perfect graphic view of her cunt impaling on my cock

Her little hole swallowing my cock, cream leaking down my length, her pussy lips opening so beautifully for me

God, it's so erotic

She bottoms me out, her cunt squeezing impossibly tight, making me gasp

She begins to move, bouncing, sliding to my head then back down, engulfing me back in her tight welcoming cunt

With each bounce, she clenches around my cock the entire time, throwing my body into bliss, moans just spilling from my mouth

I watch her pussy stretch around me over and over, her cream making a pretty ring around the base of my cock and smearing around her hole

"Mingi", she cries, her cunt spasming and choking my cock in a vice grip, the wet sound of her pussy taking my dick so loud and pornographic

She calls my name again, coming on my shaft, the skin of her back spasming in pleasure

Ecstacy tsunamis over me as she yells, "Fill my pussy Mingi!"

Gripping her hips I pull her down my entire cock, throbbing and spilling cum into her orgasming pussy, stars blasting in my vision

"Fuck Joanne!", I gasp, the feeling of her pussy milking my cock utterly amazing

I can't believe it feels this mind blowing

We ride out our pleasure together, finishing at the same time

Letting go of her, she moves off me but doesn't go far, turning back around to face me

She lays down on top of me, burying her face in my neck, cuddling into me

My heart pounds in surprise but still, I wrap my arms around her, holding her

"I think", she pants, "That I want to keep this going"

I breathe in, hoping she's suggesting what I think she's suggesting

"You...want to keep sleeping together?", I ask quietly

She lifts her face from my neck, her eyes on mine, nodding, "Yeah. If you want that. A friends with benefits things"

I want it

It's the only way I can be near her, be with her and I'm taking it

And hopefully, maybe, she can see me as more that her best friend

Maybe she can develop feelings for me

I can always hope

"Yeah, I'd want that", I tell her, then continue, wanting to be clear about everything, "If we do this, then are we just sleeping with each other? Exclusively?"

"Yeah Mingi", she nods

I hesitate, "And San?"

"I'll tell him that we can't sleep together anymore. That I'm only going to be with you"

Relief fills me about that but I also don't want San to be upset

"He's not going to be mad?"

She snorts, "No. He's fucking some other girl too. One he likes but he's unsure if she likes him like that too. Now he can just be with her, stop being a coward and tell her how he feels"

I swallow at her harsh words

If San's a coward then so am I

It's just hard to tell someone your feelings when you don't know if you're gonna be hurt or not

So I get San's hesitancy

But I'm not telling her that

"Ok Jo", I agree, "I'll just be with you too"

She smiles brightly, "Great Mingi"

I smile back at her, happy that she's somewhat mine

She lays back down, her head on my chest, right under my chin, "Can we nap now?"

I chuckle, "Tired?"

"Yeah. You wore me out"

I laugh louder, "Yeah Jo, we can nap"

"Mmmm good", she murmurs, snuggling against me more

Holding her tightly with one arm, I move my other hand in her hair, playing softly with the strands

"Mmm feels good", she whispers, her eyes closing

I just smile as I close my eyes, grateful I can hold the girl I love in my arms, even if it's for a short while

It's better than nothing

[lurkingshan]

La Pluie: A Masterclass in Conflict Writing in Romance

Here we go, my first attempt to process an absolutely magnificent episode of television. La Pluie episode 10 is a masterclass in building to a multi-faceted conflict that feels like a culmination of every character’s journey and all the little hints at potential problems along the way. It’s big, dramatic angst in which everyone is wrong and no one can communicate effectively, and it’s so spectacularly earned. As @shortpplfedup noted, this show is all about choice and this episode let them make terrible choices. In this post I’m going to break down how we got here with the four core characters, and all the seeds the show planted along the way to make it inevitable. Shouts to @wen-kexing-apologist for helping me grab screenshots and to them, @bengiyo and @neuroticbookworm for talking through a lot of this with me in my initial post episode frenzy. 

Tien

Let’s start with the most straightforward of the character arcs in this episode. Tien, our poor little bro who has just been trying to help everyone, got slapped in the face today. We’ve seen how he and Lomfon have grown steadily closer over the last several episodes. Tien has been nursing a crush, and over the course of the trip to the mountains and since they’ve been back, he clearly started to believe that Lomfon returned his feelings. They have been spending so much time together. Lomfon stuck to him like glue and took care of him through the whole crisis with Tai on the mountain. Lomfon knows how much Tien worries about Tai and wants his relationship to succeed so he can be happy. He knows from Tien what a hard time Tai has had after their parents’ divorce, and how much Tai struggling has hurt Tien as well. Tien spent the night holding his hand when he passed out on the mountain, and they’ve been together since. Lomfon talked to him about how to make decisions about his love life, asked him to stay the night with him, and held pinkies with him (the ultimate act of love in a bl) while he slept.

And then after all that, Lomfon went on a secret date and made a move on his brother. What a fucking blow. A total slap in the face. And to add insult to injury, Lomfon acted like he had no idea why Tien was so upset with him, and Tien was forced to make it crystal clear: he likes Lomfon. He thought Lomfon knew. And now Lomfon has gone behind his back to try to get with his brother. It’s humiliating, its devastating, it’s heart breaking. Poor Tien.

Lomfon

Oh, Lomfon. You just had to do everything in the most chaotic way possible, didn’t you? Let’s start with Lomfon’s claims about his hearing loss - he told Patts, then Tai, then Tien that he has hearing loss and can hear Tai when it rains, and thus Tai must be his soulmate. He told none of them that he can also hear Patts when it rains. There are two ways to read this:

It’s a classic case of confirmation bias and Lomfon is so narrowly focused on his obsession with Tai that he is disregarding any evidence that does not confirm their special connection 

Lomfon is intentionally lying to everyone to give himself an in with Tai

For now I am inclined to go with the first reading. The show didn’t give us any reason to think Lomfon was intentionally lying about hearing Patts - instead he is agitated, confused, and eager for clarity throughout the episode. 

One thing I found quite notable in this episode was the question Lomfon asked Tien. He didn’t ask (as if he was thinking about Tai’s perspective) what would you do if you had two soulmates? Instead, he asked what would you do if you had a soulmate, but already had someone else you liked? To me, that implies that Lomfon does have some awareness of his growing feelings for Tien, and is wondering how he should prioritize these things he is feeling for the brothers. And Tien, who of course doesn’t know why he’s asking, tells him he is a true believer in the soulmate bond and it would be very hard for him to ignore his soulmate in favor of someone else. 

So Lomfon decides to test out what he’s feeling for Tai, and invites him out on a date under false pretenses. He knows Tai is in a relationship. He knows it’s disrespectful to Patts. He knows Tien would be hurt by what he’s doing. But he has to know. Tai confirming that the keychain was his, and he is in fact the one who saved Lomfon from the traffic accident, scrambled Lomfon’s brains even further, and he just started driving toward his need for answers, disregarding how his actions would affect everyone else. And when it starts to rain, he seizes his moment, reveals the hearing loss connection to Tai, and then pushes it even further by going in for an uninvited kiss. I’ll give Lomfon a tiny bit of credit here, because as soon as he pulled back from the kiss he apologized. Tai was shocked and unresponsive. Lomfon should not have kissed him and he seemed to realize it. But before he had the chance to say anything further, Patts and Tien showed up and all hell broke loose.

It’s notable to me that even as Patts is wailing on him, Lomfon does not have the good sense to stop pushing. He keeps belligerently claiming that Tai is his soulmate even as Patts gets angrier and angrier and Tai yells for them to stop. He has fully dug in and he’s not backing down, and the only thing that stops him is Tai screaming to the universe and breaking their three way hearing loss connection (we will be talking more about this below).

And then we get to the heartbreak, as Tai and Patts take off to have their own fight and Tien finally gets to say his piece. And when Tien starts crying and confesses his feelings, Lomfon finally seems to snap the fuck out of it and understand how monumentally he has fucked everything up. He blew it with Tai, he ruined any respect or detente he and Patts had between them, and he has hurt Tien deeply. Throughout this whole episode Lomfon is reckless and impulsive in the extreme, and it didn’t have to be this way. There was a smarter, more respectful way to go about figuring this out, but he chose this, and now he has to deal with the damage he has caused.

Patts

Hoo, boy. As my friends can attest, I have been waiting for weeks for Patts to finally lose his patience and snap, and boy did the show deliver today. Let’s do a quick review of Patts’ arc with Tai up until now:

After they were connected via hearing loss, Patts spent two years waiting for Tai to respond to him, uncertain why his soulmate was rejecting him

In the meantime, his long-term relationship fell apart because of the existence of the connection, with Nara ending things and leaving Patts alone and lonely

When Patts finally found Tai and learned they are soulmates, he also learned that Tai is having a crisis of faith, and the connection was a barrier for them rather than a help

He began dating Tai and focused all his energy on making him feel safe and secure in the relationship, sublimating his own needs along the way

He displayed supreme patience every time Tai progressed the intimacy in their relationship only to immediately retreat (both emotionally and sexually) 

He helped Tai work through his trauma around his parents’ divorce and come to terms with his feelings about their soulmate bond, then carried him down a literal mountain

And then Patts finally got the commitment he’s been yearning for when Tai agreed to be his faen, said he wanted to be together forever, and declared himself ready to solidify their physical relationship

Note also that the show has previously seeded the idea that while Patts is generally a kind and patient person, he’s not a fucking saint. He has expressed some frustration with the barriers Tai keeps putting up between them, and we have heard from his exchanges with Nara that he has a temper that he is mostly able to keep under control, but sometimes gets away from him. We haven’t seen that yet, but everything in the story has been telling us it’s coming.

So with all that established by the show, what happens immediately after he finally got to the end of this long journey and thought he could relax and be happy in his new relationship? Lomfon claims his own special connection to Tai, Tai lies to him repeatedly, and Patts’ anger and insecurity about Tai’s refusal to accept him, which have been present but sublimated all along, come roaring to the surface.

I get Patts in this episode. When he gets that call from his friends, he doesn’t want to believe it. He calls Tai first to check in (Tai lies again). He goes to see Tai in the hopes that Tai will actually be where he said he will (he is not). He tells Tien explicitly - I wanted to believe that Tai wouldn’t lie to me. After everything they’ve been through, he thought there was finally trust and understanding between them, and now he is forced to question his standing with Tai again. As @bengiyo said, Patts deserves to be angry.

And then he arrives and sees Lomfon kissing Tai, and that’s it, that’s his breaking point. He finally snaps, and Lomfon has made himself the perfect target. Now, to be clear, physical violence as a means of confrontation is never okay. Patts should not have hit Lomfon even once, let alone over and over again. But while I don’t condone it, I absolutely understand it. He has been holding in his anger and frustration and hurt the whole time, and he has finally been pushed past his breaking point. And as I noted above, Lomfon doesn’t have the good sense to shut his mouth and back down at this point, and keeps egging him on as Patts gets more and more upset.

The next two conversations that Patts has with Tai are absolutely crucial to understanding his mind set and why he finally broke in this episode. First, he goes to Tai and asks him to explain himself. Why did you lie, why are you here with another man, why did you kiss him? And Tai? Refuses to answer (I will be delving into this extensively in the next section). He retreats from honest communication and just keeps claiming that Patts should implicitly understand him. So Patts gets more agitated. He wants to know, if after everything they’ve been through and the commitment they just made to each other, Tai is retreating again. And it’s a fair question! This has been Tai’s pattern throughout their entire relationship. Patts is asking for reassurance that Tai meant it when he said he was ready to be with him. Do you choose me? And once again, Tai refuses to answer. Patts is begging him for reassurance, and Tai won’t give it.

Patts then goes home and gets drunk, which is very stupid, and decides to go talk to Tai again, which is even stupider. He should have slept it off, gathered himself, and talked to Tai the next day, but he’s too upset, too agitated, too dejected to control his emotions. He insists on fighting it out right there, even though Tai has his walls all the way up and is still refusing to communicate. Patts has tried everything to earn Tai’s trust but he still can’t get through. He is angry and frustrated and he is letting Tai feel it. And here Patts just unleashes what is at the core of his despair: “It’s torturing me not knowing what you’re thinking… Whether you choose me or not, I can accept it, but the only thing I can’t bear is your silence.”

And hasn’t that been the problem between them from the very beginning? Tai left Patts alone in silence for so long. Patts has been giving Tai everything, while Tai continues to hold back. And Patts can’t do it anymore, so he loses his temper again and agrees they should end things. The regret is instant, but the damage is done. 

Tai

More than any of the others, this episode really peeled back the layers on Tai and showed us the dysfunction underneath the way he has been showing up in this relationship. We have been with Tai through this whole journey, so we know exactly what he’s been thinking as he dealt with his family’s split, rejected the soulmate bond, and then met and started dating Patts. More than anyone else, we’ve been in his perspective and encouraged to empathize with his struggles. So it was kind of mind-blowing, in the best possible way, that in this episode the show let him be repeatedly, loudly, egregiously wrong. 

Tai is a bit emotionally inconsistent. He is not a strong communicator. He expects people to put in the work to figure him out without being willing to do his own work to help them. He tries to avoid conflict as much as possible. When he is upset, he often shuts down and refuses to communicate what he is thinking or feeling. And he is also very inexperienced at romantic relationships. He’s never dated before Patts but he’s read a lot of romance novels, and he seems to believe in the romantic notion that his partner will be able to just implicitly understand him without any need to explain himself. All of this showed up today in the way he dealt with this Lomfon situation, and the subsequent conversations with Patts.

Let’s just say this plainly: Tai was wrong to lie to Patts throughout this episode. He was wrong to secretly spend time with Lomfon in order to test Lomfon’s feelings. He was wrong to refuse to explain himself when he was caught in the lies. He was wrong to insist Patts should understand and trust him on faith alone. And he was wrong to refuse to give Patts any assurance about his commitment after everything he pulled in this episode.

I understand what Tai was trying to do. He wanted to avoid any unnecessary drama, and he is still trying to tell himself Lomfon doesn’t really like him. He thinks he can test this out for himself and clear it up if Lomfon tries anything. Everything can stay friendly and Patts never needs to know. You can see him hesitate and question himself both times he lies to Patts (in the car, and then over the phone), but stubbornly press on anyway. And you can see him watching Lomfon closely throughout their day together and getting increasingly uncomfortable as he starts to realize Bow is right, and Lomfon clearly has feelings for him. 

Unfortunately, as we’ve already established, Tai is conflict avoidant. His estimation of his own ability to draw firm lines is a bit off, and he tries to flee Lomfon without clearing anything up. But they get caught in the rain, Lomfon stuns him with a reveal he was not expecting, and he absolutely freezes and just stands there while Lomfon kisses him. He is then stunned again when Patts shows up and things get violent, and he finally loses it completely and shouts to the universe that he is sick of this destiny shit and doesn’t want it anymore. And the universe responds. The hearing loss connection breaks and they can all hear normally again - but ironically, Tai no longer wants to listen.

When Patts demands answers, Tai really shuts down. As @ginnymoonbeam notes, they have diametrically opposed conflict styles. Patts is asking him entirely reasonable questions, but he is uncomfortable and anxious at being confronted so directly and he chooses to say nothing, and then goes even further by getting angry with Patts for asking him to talk. You already know that I love you, can’t you just believe that and accept whatever I do? And of course, that is a completely immature and unreasonable expectation. In relationships you have to use your words. Tai is the one who lied and broke the trust between them. He owes Patts an explanation, and he should be willing to give him reassurance that he’s not going back on his commitment to him. But he feels attacked so he refuses to give Patts what he needs, and walks away.

And in their final conversation, it’s Tai who first says they should break up. He is so uncomfortable with Patts’ desire for direct and clear communication that he would rather threaten to end their relationship than just say what Patts needs. And it’s clear that he is once again expecting Patts to be the one to do the work, make a compromise, and accept Tai’s limitations. But Patts is no longer willing to do it, and when he calls Tai’s bluff, Tai is stunned and devastated. Patts has finally stopped catering to him, and he has no idea how to walk back his words. So once again, he retreats, pushes Patts out of the room, and breaks down.

This is such excellent conflict writing. All of the interactions between them, the way they’re both behaving in these scenes, the mistakes they’re making - it’s all supported by the text and can be traced back to their established characteristics and patterns. We can see clearly how we got here, and we can also see a path forward.

Next week, we are getting back to Tai’s parents, and Tai will finally get the information he needs to reconcile his feelings about their split and recognize how it has informed his behavior. Tai and Patts will have some time to reflect on where they went wrong. And they no longer have a hearing loss connection. The soulmate myth is done and over. If they decide to be together, it will be because they truly choose it. 

[vanillaaaaaaaaa3]

…

I think it’s time I must speak on this.

My thoughts have been circling on this one Miss Miseryguts post, where someone explained how the song might be an exaggeration on the creators situation with their friend. Specifically how this song could be demonizing them and other people who have Cluster B personality disorders. And I’m just to here to say I’m sorry for not speaking on this.

I have thought about this from time to time, but I just feel more awful every time I think about it. It’s not because I feel bad for liking Miss Miseryguts. She is not a great person and I understand that. I don’t associate her as me or that I like people that are like this way in real life. I also understand that some people could see this as staining the BPD community and others, because of how awful and nefarious her actions are, making a person who has BPD to feel ashamed, since the majority would only think they would do the same as her. That’s the reason why I don’t claim her as having BPD or NPD and more as an abuser than anything.

But I feel awful for the fact I ignored the post and never spoke anything about it or put my mind to it. I saw this post in April of last year at the beginning of my hyperfixation of her, needless to say, I felt shocked. Before this, I had a hyperfixation with another song of theirs, “The Monochrome Mentality,” so being a big fan of them made this feel devastating to hear. The person that held my hyperfixation on their stuff for almost a year is a bad person now? I didn’t know what to do, as usually I drop the interest of something in less than a week when this happens. I see people loose interest in something on the internet due to the controversy of the creator or company (I remember the Cookie Run Ovenbreak controversy back in 2023 and Foxi Boxi as an example of this.) However, as someone who holds their hyperfixations for a long time, I feel like I’m between a rock and a hard place.

So, I chose what I think was the better option and assume that the creator didn’t actually mean like that and wasn’t in their mind back then. Keep in mind, I didn’t even read the doc, as I made the excuse thinking the doc couldn’t even be viewed anyway (back then I lurked on Twitter back when Musk didn’t put any restrictions on the people that came to visit, and I didn’t realize my school account wouldn’t let me see other people’s documents, so I just assumed it was like that for me 💀💀💀). But as time grew, I became more prominent in Pinterest and here as the person who usually posts Riproducer stuff. I started to feel like I should have said something sooner, liked it, reblogged it, or even acknowledged it even more than I did before. But I felt afraid if I do so, it will end up blowing up, which I know this person didn’t want to happen. I was also afraid for the fact that I was supporting a horrible person, saying things like, “If you actually care about their story, you would have stopped supporting them a long time ago.” But then, I forgot the thought and move on to my own things, and the cycle repeats…

Today, after it was mentioned by my moot, I decided to read the document, because you know what I might as well do it. After all, doing so would help me see where they were coming from. After doing so, I see that this whole situation was awful for your friend, especially when it wasn’t informed about this behavior at all. I can also see how certain parts of the song could be related to the situation you and your friend went to, and for that, I feel sorry for what has happened. Of course, there could be a deeper story that the creator excluded to the public that made them act this way this way towards those type of people, but that still doesn’t excuse their actions on what they did to its private space. They should definitely recognize that this wasn’t good and make up for it, but t I know it’s too late for that now.

I do really hope everyone here has moved on from this. I know your friend has and is doing better, and I hope for the best of it. I also hope for Rip and Vince to acknowledged what they have done and at least hopefully have changed for the better. I know that I will keep making all this stuff relating to their music, but I will keep in mind that their have done some not so great things. Again I am truly sorry for not looking into this and speak on it. Hopefully, after reading this, anonymous, that you are understanding and forgiving on this and realize that I do care about situations like this. Thank you.

(Also, if you are reading this, moot, no, it was not you who made me say this after mentioning it on your tumblr. I wanted to speak on this for a long time, and I keep forgetting to do so…)

[glacierbash]

transfem ysayle headcanons?? 👀

hi bestie hi you're absolutely fueling me today thank you so very much. okokok. so. i've been trying to compile my thoughts in a way that reads as mostly understandable but I just physically cannot, so please excuse my entirely disconnected rambles, I'm GOING to try and make a point in the end (and also i know that anything you specifically may know about ysayle is probably through Post Osmosis so if you have any questions about her ask me I will talk about her for actual HOURS) also final "disclaimer" that's actually just "haha funny story:" this headcanon first came to me in a DREAM months ago, and i couldn't remember what point I had made in my dream until like 2 days ago while talking with my partner, which is why I'm so eager to talk about it now. Literally came to me in a dream. ok with that all out of the wayyyyy

Generally, this hc comes from two different places: Symbolism in the story, and actual, factual, "wow this makes sense and I can point to pieces in the story that make me believe this." With regards to the first half, I point to Ysayle's overarching story: Desperation for change. So much of Ysayle's character motivation comes from this genuine need to see the world changed for the better, to the point of being willing to do anything that she deems necessary. She's extreme, but it comes from desperation (for you specifically, the best way I could think to describe Ysayle is Anders, if blowing up the Chantry was the wrong decision). Furthermore, all of Ysayle's ice theming--ice is something that can change, and remarkably easily, too. There is something to be said that in embodying the cold that defines her, Ysayle allows herself to live a more genuine life. She's change encompassed within a woman, for better and for worse. When she sees the white dragon from her visions as a child after everybody she knew is killed, she is almost reborn in a way--perhaps in this rebirth, she decides to live a life more authentic to herself.

and then, there's her deep connection with Shiva within the story. In FF14, Shiva is a figure from loooong ago who fell in love with the white dragon previously mentioned, Hraesvelgr, and chose to have him consume her so that their souls may never part. Big story about love, and Shiva's influence upon him is the reason Hraesvelgr remained a peaceful figure as much as he REALLY wanted to start blowing shit up. Ever since she was a child, Ysayle saw visions of Shiva and Hraesvelgr, and my idea was that she very much attached her identity to Shiva, even before she had the words to describe how she was feeling about her gender. As she grew older, she related more and more to Shiva, even as the visions scared her--this longing to be like her, even if she didn't know why. Of course, after Ysayle survives the avalanche that kills everybody she knows, what does she have if not her visions to cling to more? As Ysayle decides to rally the heretics to fight against the Holy See and try to end the war, she hails Shiva as a saint, truly claiming her as part of herself.

This connection to Shiva, this claiming of her, goes hand in hand with Ysayle fully embracing her gender identity, going so far as to conjure up a false god that is meant to be Shiva, this completely idolized being that is everything Ysayle needs to be. And then, when Hraesvelgr denies Ysayle's creation, claiming it to be a mockery of his beloved Shiva, is that not ripping apart Ysayle's identity? She has spent so long attaching to this woman from her visions, this figure she idolizes, to the point of, again, creating a false god to embody, only to be told by the one living being that knew her, you will never be her. It's beyond devastating--it is no wonder that it sends Ysayle into an absolute spiral.

Of course, what of when she shows of to stop the heretics attacking Ishgard? Saying "there is no more war. There is no more reason to keep fighting." it's almost as though Ysayle is peeling herself away from Shiva, trying to stand on her own as her own woman, being her own figure not dictated by this dream she wanted to attain. And then, come the First Flight of the Excelsior, wherein Ysayle rides upon dragon's back to save us? It is as herself. There is no Lady Iceheart, and the Shiva she conjures is not defined by her idolizing dreams--it is Ysayle, as she longs to be, desperate to save us all.

(And of course x2, this makes me even more feral for "Ysayle lived" aus, where ysayle is given not just a second but a third chance at life, and she doesn't feel like she has to earn it. Her life isn't dictated by war, or by loss, or by violence, or by dreams from her youth. She's finally given a future to decide what she wants to do. She's fought for her future and won. her old child-like self who dreamed of a better world, who wanted to know why she felt so connected to the white-haired woman from her terrifying visions, doesn't know it--but one day they'll be happy. one day, they'll be free. One day, it'll all be worth it. One day.)

[janisrenzi-blog]

My Journey with Grief

December 2, 2019, the day everything changed for me. In an instant, I was not who I once was. I watched the woman who gave me life, who was my biggest cheerleader and trusted confidante take her last breath and it shattered me. It’s a wild thing when you're suffering so profoundly and everything around you keeps going. I remember having dinner that night with my sister and stepdad,  and I was sitting there, probably in shock, but inside I’m thinking-why are we here, why are we eating? Just 3 hours ago, I watched my mom die. It is by far the most surreal and bizarre feeling. Worrying about work or my daughter missing school- so much of me was thinking “who the fuck cares about any of this”, but the thoughts were still there. Nothing mattered and everything mattered. I struggled more than most people are probably aware, other than my sweet husband. He had a front row seat to so much of my heartbreak, devastation, depression, anger, and rage. All my emotions were so surface level it was quite surprising and a bit scary.  Oh and the trauma, I cannot forget the trauma. Much of the first two years are a blur. How I survived, I don’t know. Well I do know, actually. Therapy. More  therapy (EMDR). God. My husband and daughter. My sister. My niece. A handful of friends that could sit in the uncomfortableness of my pain. And my ability to make myself sit with my grief. I told myself -you will feel every part of this and if that means you are miserable for years, so be it.  I was determined not to run from my immense sadness because I knew it would just be waiting for me. Or it would ruin my life in other ways, because unhealed trauma will do that. It took about a year plus before I even started to grieve the actual absence of my mother in my life. My nervous system was so dysregulated from the trauma of her illness and death, I spent the first year or more just trying to make myself feel safe and that everything in my life wasn’t going to blow up. The newfound fear and anxiety that surrounded my life after my mom died was horrendous. Around the 18 month mark, I started EMDR therapy to help with the trauma. I quit my job and pretty much all I did was therapy & any type of self care I could think of and afford. I was so scared to quit  my job but it was the best thing I did for myself. For me to be able to live with this deep grief that reshaped my whole life and be the mother, wife, sister, aunt, friend that I wanted to be, one that my mom was so proud of, I needed to focus everything I had on healing & learning to live without my mom. It was one of the most selfish times of my life and I have no regrets. It saved me. I’m beyond grateful for that year and a half break. 

Today, December 2, 2024, is five years, five long and five short years since my sweet, feisty, loving Mom left this earth.  I miss her so deeply. I instantly tear up when talking or thinking about her most days. I still cannot look at pictures of her and if I come across one unexpectedly, I feel like I can’t breathe. I can stare a few minutes longer than I could 5 years ago, but not much. I have one picture of my mom in my house, that’s it. They do not bring me comfort… yet. It’s a prayer and hope of mine that one day, I can have more pictures of her (and Brandon) in my home and when I look at them I might feel sadness but I’ll also feel joy to see their faces again. One day. But not today. 

Grief has been a really hard journey. I have surprised myself with what one person can handle and hold. I have been caught off-guard by how much one can change. One major surprise was how much my confidence took a hit when my Mom died. I remember when I was looking to go back to work, I was so hard on myself. I really thought I could not get back out there and be successful. I lost all faith in myself and I could not figure out why. After processing this disturbing revelation in therapy, I realized that my Mom was my biggest encourager and cheerleader. She honestly thought I was the smartest and most capable woman and I guess without her, I felt like that wasn’t true. Again, so odd and something that caught me totally off-guard. I hated feeling that way about myself. I knew it was a lie but it really held me back. With time, I put my big girl panties on and I got back out there and I encouraged myself. Even made a sign that hung on my bathroom mirror reminding  myself I am capable, smart, confident and all those things my Mama once told me. 

I’m not sure who I’m writing this for, mostly myself, I guess. I have felt for awhile I wanted to get down my thoughts on grief and the five year anniversary of my Mom’s death feels really big. It’s a long time to not hear your Mom’s voice, receive a hug and hear that she loves you and is proud of you. Thank God I had a Mom that told me all those things when she was alive and wrote them in every card she ever gave me.

I’ll continue my hard journey with grief until it’s my time to be reunited with my Mom. A few weeks ago, my daughter and I met for lunch and she was  talking about  missing her Mamaw and Brandon. She said with tears in her eyes “Mom I’m a happy person and I feel joy, but deep inside I’m a sad girl” and if I’m being honest, my first internal reaction was to try to explain why she should be happy and convince her not to be sad, life is beautiful, blah blah blah. But I did not do that, because that would be awful to say to someone who was being open and  honest with their feelings. So I just sat in silence with tears streaming down my face. And then she said “I don’t let it consume my life or my thoughts, but I’m sad inside” and I sat there and after the nausea washed away, I said “ honey, that’s grief. That’s exactly what we all feel. Me, Aunt Carmen, Lauren”. Everyone that loves deeply will eventually carry a forever sadness in their heart and for me, often my gut.  My girl described  grief so perfectly and beautifully. We will carry sadness with us forever but it doesn’t mean we won’t also find joy and happiness and be joyful and happy. Because in the end, life is brutal but it’s also beautiful. 

Thanks for reading, 

Forever a Sad Girl 

[tinycoded360]

G/t Rec/favorite list from AO3 part 2

Borrower Sherlock Holmes prompt by magneticlawnmower

Sherlock really wants this giant doctor out of his life.

Reese got gullivered by amazionion

Reese was a criminal who had been lost at sea, but was able to get a fresh start in a new land full of the tiniest of people. Cade is just a poor bastard who keeps being in the wrong place at the wrong times multiple times.

Stowaway by bottlesandbuttons

Arden's life has been nothing but one bad choice after another.

One too many mistakes lands him stranded helpless on a sketchy space station, hundreds of lightyears from anything familiar.

He sneaks onto a departing ship seeking refuge, but is quickly caught by the crew of giant aliens on board.

How will he fare? Will luck ever be on his side?

Just let me know I’m forgotten out here alone by inkheart01

When the glassing happened, Ico had been deep, deep down in the labyrinthian tunnels off the Enall’s underground paradise, none the wiser of the devastating calamity occurring far above him.

Not many of the glittering, bug-like populace ventured this far down, for fear of meeting some of the more vicious of Reach’s local populace. But not Ico, oh not the young explorer, Ico prided himself on being one of the few, one of the only to brave the twisting tunnels, and even though his mother constantly warned him of the metal behemoths that arrived day in and day out aboard great spacefaring vessels, he had not yet seen one for himself. But today, that would all change.

Watch your step by notaspacealien

An entomologist finds an injured fairy while out in the field.

Research Opportunities by microposting

“I wonder which drug combinations create hallucinations of tiny people.”

“I’m sorry, now you’re implying I’m not real?”

“Sure. It’s late, I took a pill too many, you’re a miniature man stealing single pills for other miniature people.”

House gets curious about a pill thief.

Displaced by Imagine_darksiders

Hunting through the ruined city to bring supplies back for the humans turns into a rescue mission for horseman Strife when he stumbles upon one of the smallest humans he's ever seen.

Nate in not-quite lilliput by deadheaded-stepchild (itsybitsykitsy)

A young pilot gets whisked away to a world for tiny people and doesn't want to blow it, especially when he has the trust of at least one little villager willing to give him a chance.

Time does Reveal by starstriker

Hornet copes with the loss of one of her siblings, running a kingdom, odd tremors from the world above, and bonding with the only family member she has left.

Meanwhile, two human scientists have no clue what they just stumbled upon in Willamette National Park.

These two things are very much related.

Oneshot/a tall and small collection/Soren by Narrans

Soren, a borrower, just migrated with his two half brothers and his step-father into a new apartment complex. Though his step-father leads the family, it is his blunder which has forced the family to migrate on the cusp of winter. Soren must fight daily to help his family survive; however, he knows nothing about the occupants of this new building. Who lives here? What innate dangers do these humans possess? And what would they do if Soren or his family were discovered?

This is part of a collection of One Shots involving borrowers and similarly sized folk.

[itwasthisorthemilitary]

March 11, 2024

A Hit to Morale in Los Mortales

Days in the city man...yikes.

We started our day with "if you get sexually assaulted don't shower because we will want to do forensic testing". Obviously we all understand the necessity of such sessions but goddamn, 9 am on a Monday morning. A necessary evil because we have to know our resources.

Immediately after we got another vaccine, did we not get enough during medical clearance? I have no idea what they're sticking me with.

Then we come back from lunch and I had an ~ unfortunate ~ meeting with our security manager. She wants me to move houses and I truly do not want to. This meeting felt like I was being talked at, not talked to. I was quite a stick in the mud about how I think moving houses will put me in a more uncomfortable position than the one I am in now. Glad I advocated for myself and didn't give in when I got pushback. Unfortunately this whole scenario has essentially convinced me that unless I feel like I am in immediate danger, I won't be reporting anything to the office because of how I disagree with how they are handling my situation. In my opinion, navigating one relationship with someone I don't like is a million times more manageable than trying to integrate into a new family halfway through PST. The other volunteers in my neighborhood and the other adults are all aware of the person I don't like being around and I feel so supported. So that meeting sucked!

Then on our way home, Ahmet told us that he is terminating service in two weeks. A crushing blow. Since day 1 Ahmet has been someone I really connected to, and him and Audrey living next to me has been such a source of comfort and companionship. This one was devastating. Audrey and Ahmet are serving as a couple and while she has flourished here, he is unhappy. He deferred entrance into grad school to come here, and he will be heading back to the states to do the grad program. I'm so happy for him, and so impressed with Audrey for knowing that this is what she wants. They both agree that he should terminate before he swears in. Admittedly, this news was the straw that broke the camels back. I knew the tears were in there somewhere and this really unlocked it. We've been jokingly placing bets on who would terminate first and I never considered it would be him. How beautiful is it that I feel so affected by the departure of a volunteer who I've known for less than a month?

My take today? Doom and gloom. But my silver lining is that none of this makes me want to terminate. Actually quite the opposite, it only makes me want to prove more that I can do this. At no point before departing did I think this was going to be easy. The circumstances are unfortunate, but the people make it worth it.

Didn't like today's post? Well, I didn't like today.

Tomorrow we have a lesson on worms and we get to go see the other half of our cohort in San Sebastian. It's a real treat getting to see them two days in a row.

[jaiyemourningstar91]

Daily Blog #4: My Secret

Yesterday, was a rough day. I tried to nap. Got haunted by ghosts of the past. Heartbreak. Then, as I'm trying to relax this evening, I'm watching YouTube. A channel about genuine human interactions and just strangers sharing secrets. One hits me with a devastating blow. Puts one of my biggest, if not THE biggest fear I have into words.

"I don't think people that fall in love with me, actually love me. They just haven't experienced human kindness before and it's mistaken for love."My tears at first after hearing this were internal, and then, my cheeks became wet. And it's because sometimes, most times, I look back at people who have told me they loved me romantically, or even softer, and pursue dating me, say all these sweet words and comment on how kind I am--they all ended up leaving me. Hurting me. Used my kindness and dipped. And I'm left lost wondering how you could do that to me? To somehow you care about. To someone you love.

Like how many times was I told "no one has ever treated me like this before" as a remark to my kindness and romantic ways, just to eventually be ghosted, used, left behind?

And now it makes sense. Tie in me. Someone who outpours love. The type that will take care of someone. Tend to their every need. Make sure they are happy. I did it before to the point of self destruction. I did it all because I wanted to be loved as much as I loved them. I wanted them to be happy even though they didn't seem to care of my own. But hearing this today, makes me realize that yes, sometimes people love the kindness and not the person behind it.

They enjoy the gifts, the sweet nothings, the dates, the hugs, kisses, sex, everything. They get all there is to gain. And some people find that content. Something to draw from, until the right person comes along. Someone they would rather be with than you whom they can also get the things you offer from too.

I fear that I'm just someone who people find as a gateway to someone(s) they really want to be with. Their forever person or persons. Like I'm a practice run. Temporary. History has shown and repeated this. Time and time again. A placeholder.

I fear that I'm going to one day die and never know what it's like to be loved for me. The being behind the kindness. And it's sad because I'm in a much better relationship. One that I hope is ever lasting. Yet, I still have this irritation in my heart. In my soul. I'm worried.

I'm afraid of getting hurt again because of the deep rooted trauma I have with relationships. It's the last thing I think I need to heal from. It's a work in progress. And sometimes idk how to fight it. How to solve it. It keeps me up at night. It distracts me during the day. Invades my dreams turning them into nightmares. It plagues my thoughts when I see couples while at work. It makes me weep when I hear certain songs...

I'm an open wound. Vulnerable. I need mended. Sutured. A cure for my ill, still beating heart. I'm a passionate person. A lover who loves love. Who needs it. Yet, love has brought me so much pain. Like a gift wrapped in cursed paper.

Who knew kindness could be a veil for a damaged heart.

So yeah. Guess that's my secret to share.

This has been cathartic.

Thanks.

[stillmind2]

The Mystery of The Coral Castle

Lately, I've been fascinated with Telekinesis. The ability to move far away objects, regardless of the size or weight 

If I could travel to the past once, I'd have trouble making a choice, but sticking to this subject, it'd have to be Edgar Cayce. 

Or Edward Leedskalnin…

Let me go with the latter first. Cayce would take me days to write about.

What this guy accomplished should blow your mind. Let me explain.

Being in love could inspire a corpse. Most people who have had that magical experience could confirm it.

But when I was in love (or was it lust?) I had an average experience. Nothing extraordinary happened besides the spectacular heart-brain-hormones connection. 

But I couldn't lift 10-pound stones even if I had two nuclear-powered cranes at my disposal. Well, maybe with those I could. 

Ed Leedskalnin was onto something in 1923 when he managed to achieve such a feat. Without any cranes. And devastated by a love gone wrong.

I don't know, but when I'm out of love for whatever reason, my mood is so dark, the last thing I want to do is move stones or do construction.

This beautiful young lady he was to marry, named Agnes Skuvst just told him off, presumably because she changed her mind. 

Not only was this man horribly dumped, he was supposed to get married in just one more day. 

Someone once said, if you want to understand women, you better read the Encyclopedia (several volumes).

Instead of trying to figure out why his beloved bride changed her mind at the last minute, this man rolled his sleeves and built her a castle. 

At 5 feet tall, 26 y/old, and weighing just 100 pounds, we are supposed to believe (like the pyramids) that the deed was of human-construct. 

That this man, working alone, only at night and in complete secrecy (hence the night labor), managed to produce a castle of such magnitude that today, no one has figured out how he could have possibly managed.

The numbers are insane. 1100 tons of oolite limestone rock moved through the air like helium balloons and placed perfectly in place without even a mark from the pulleys or chains. Not once, but twice. The largest stone weighed 27 tons.

But the man couldn't catch a break. Right after he was near completion of the toughest part of the job, moving the heavier stones, he got terrible news.

Next to it, in Florida City, the town council decided to build a community center. Which meant he no longer could maintain the solitude he needed to accomplish his task. 

Yes, he was a 'slightly' complicated person, but aren't most geniuses? If you are a genius, I'm sure you'll agree.

What to do, what to do? 

Well, put everything on a truck, of course, and get out of Dodge.

And that's exactly what he did.

Incredibly, he moved it all on that truck with the help of one person. One. A living witness of the action. We got the receipts.

Ten miles up the road, he made sure this time nobody was going to interfere with his project. Obviously, he wanted it to be done before his bride turned 90, so I can't say I blame him for the effort and the urgency.

He bought 20 acres in Homestead, just in case he needed more than 2 for extra space, and restarted his operation.

An operation which he had to begin from scratch, without having put on any weight or built any kind of muscle. 

The same frail frame, doing it all over again, for a woman thousands of miles away who probably couldn't drink enough vodka to try to erase him from her mind. And from the guilt.

"Now we're talking," he probably thought to himself. "Now catch me if you can."

One thing that was highly peculiar was a small box that he named "Perpetual Motion Holder", for which he was trying to obtain a patent, but was ultimately denied.

Another little setback, nothing to write home about. He must have figured if it happened to Tesla, why wouldn't it happen to me? He was more right than he would ever know. 

At least, they didn't confiscate the thing. Even better, they didn't burn him at the stake for heresy. It's kind of hard to build a castle when you're smoldering from a burn.

"All hands on deck," He must have said. "I got my life, I got my limestone, and I got my box." 

It took him some time to finish his coral castle, which still stands today, drawing tourists from all over. 

This super impressive structure might have been a sight to see when it was done. My premise for dreaming of going back to visit it, and to meet him, if Quantum physics would hurry up and make it possible.

It was documented that a child could push an 8ft tall, 8.2-ton gate so perfectly centered on its axes with a single push of a finger and it would swing in the intended direction. 

There's something very strange going on here, that unfortunately, we, of this generation will never know. Who knows when, if ever, the technique (or the Juju inside that box) would be revealed. But I have a feeling this man's knowledge was not to be told casually to anyone, much less the public, for reasons that don't take a brain surgeon to guess.

Something so fascinating and advanced that who knows, (not me, said the little red hen) where it could lead the human race. 

Hello! Did I mention Tesla already? Ring any bells? 

This is a perfect example of Life imitating art. It could easily be an episode of The Outer Limits or such fictional show, and yet, here it is, this happened. 

He wasn't a greedy man. Like most geniuses, he didn't think much about money. As a matter of fact, he only charged an unbelievable ¢10 per person to enter that atrium made out of love. And for his love. 

He could have used an agent. 

One sunny day just like any other in Leisure City, FL, he didn't feel right. A practical man, he closed the shop for the day leaving a simple note on the front gate with the words "Gone to the hospital". 

His work done on this Earth, this magnificently brilliant man died three days later on Dec, 7th, 1951. He was 64 years old.

To this day, his secrets remain one of the biggest puzzles in the world of science. 

[eyestumblin]

today on breath of the wild...

After an actually indescribable amount of goofing around, climbing up walls and mountains, blowing myself up, side-tracking up/down/over/across the map, poking my nose where it didn't belong, and blindly running past countless obvious objectives, I at long last made my way into the heart of Hyrule castle to do my heroic duties, relieving my old allies of their hundred year wait.

I reached the throne room faster than anticipated, though I'd crawled around (and up, and under) the castle in a few previous trips. Unlike those times, I was determined not to procrastinate a single day longer.

This week we played a lot in anticipation of the sequel release, so I was able to hunt down and collect the final memory locations and watch each of them in order. Most I didn't remember at all- some I hadn't seen in years. I felt more for the hopes of the champions and for the frustration and pain Zelda was going through in her journey. I also (reluctantly) read the diary she left in her room at the castle and was tickled that Link disclosed his reason for not speaking. "He felt everyone's expectations and the need to bear them silently." It was nice to learn about these characters in a different way than previous games.

The story fresh in mind fortified me to finally face the sincerely upsetting amorphous blob of evil gestating in the castle's crown. With overpowered weapons, armor, and food I was able to faceroll my way through the fight. There was one terrible shock; when teleported out of the castle, none other than Dolly herself was waiting for me. A devastating horse accident from earlier in the week had me on full alert for the worst and ready to panic about being suddenly forced to pit sweet, easy paced, 2 spur Dolly in her fancy showgirl feather adorned bridle against a behemoth, world-ending incarnation of rage and destruction. Thankfully it was fight meant to be won without suffering and as we circled Ganon in the home stretch, I told Sana, "Dolly was never meant for this, but I am so proud of her."

And then... at last, the story was finally concluded.

Although there are a lot of memorable highlights, I can't imagine trying to summarize roughly 100 hours of gameplay I haven't written about across the last five years. Covid kept us apart, I moved states and there have been all kinds of life events that resulted in not being able to play. Sometimes it was tough to be patient- I'd be thinking about quests, curiosities, the endless new discoveries on every horizon. Going months or even years between sessions could make it difficult to remember what I was doing and game mechanics or controls, basically how to play at all.

I have 0 regrets about any of that. I'm just extremely grateful we were able to pick things up and continue this journey to its end. BotW began as an adventure with my dear friend and it has been a very special experience to share every harebrained thought, clumsy failure, lucky shot, delightful discovery, and quiet beautiful moment with her from start to finish. Our time playing has kept me feeling close by no matter how far we are in time and space.

BotW is a great game- everyone already knows that. I'm looking forward to someday playing the sequel, and for now I can delve back into my save file to continue exploring the many mysteries still uncovered. Usually I review media but instead this is really about my deep, heartfelt thanks to @sanachanto for her infinite patience, all the gentle hints that never spoiled anything, and for enjoying my adventures as much as I did. BotW: friendship is the greatest treasure/10

[butterscotch-goat]

aria sucks how?

she just doesn't take care of her daughter man..

warning for child death and neglectful parenting

I love Aria so so so much don't get me wrong but here's the thing. she is thinking about Georgie CONSTANTLY. she is always imagining what he could've been and all the wonderful things he might've done and how perfect her son would've been. And even though she loves Grace, when she has all these grand fantasies of what her son could've been and she sees her remaining daughter who's just...kind of quiet... doesn't say or do much....just goes to work and comes home ...she can't help but feel underwhelmed. She neglects Grace because of that and she doesn't make an effort to hide the fact that she's always imagining what Georgie might've done, always reminding Grace of his birthday and forgetting to remember Grace's, that sort of thing. And y'know, we see what happens when Grace has to find validation elsewhere,,

The few times Aria does interact with Grace she oftentimes ends up accidentally blowing up at her or having some kind of fight because she's so stressed out and tired, and when she goes to apologize Grace will say "it's okay" she'll just start fucking crying because even though she's in so deep and not even making an effort to be better, Aria KNOWS this isn't okay. But again, she never puts in any effort to get better. In a really awful way Grace being arrested and murdered works as like wake up call to Aria, forcing her to realize how deep in grief she's sunk for her boy who died over a decade ago to the point that she hardly has any positive memories with Grace to look back on before she's gone too (and that does absolutely devastate Aria. She's aware of how fucked up THAT is at least)

Grace and Aria also have that whole,, She's Too Much Like Me dynamic?? Grace is a lot more aware of it than Aria. Grace, whether it's true or not, sees Aria as her worst case scenario, which of course doesn't help their relationship and just separates them further, Grace always wanting to run away and feeling suffocated in her own home. Grace also ends up feeling underwhelmed by her mother after she hears who she believes to be the virgin Mary telling her how proud and happy she is with Grace.

Also, Aria gave Grace her mourning shawl, and that partially made Grace feel like she's obligated to still mourn her brother after all this time, which of course is terrible for Grace's mental state. That along with the survivor's guilt but there's a lot I could say about that and that's not why we're here today

it's it's "Superboy and the Invisible Girl" from Next To Normal man it's "Superboy and the invisible girl/He's the one you wish would appear/He's your hero, forever your son/He's not here. I am here" and "I love you as much as I can" as a response. She's doing what she can in this state but is making no effort to get out of it,, if that makes sense. if any of this makes sense. I'm sorry again I love this lady lots but Grace really suffers because of her actions/inaction so. yeag