#it has been OFFICIALLY freaking out over over again hours for several days lol

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

"All my life, I've been told" "Stick to the status quo, don't let anybody see who you are" I'M FINE HOW ARE YOU

[lovee-infected]

twisted wonderland theories part 3 : Opening explanation and parallels

Well well , hope you guys enjoyed reading the previous two parts of twst theories so far

Anyways , this is the third part . I decided to go through the opening and original disney animations and also black Butler anime references one more time so this is the combination of all I've found this time , together with some stuff you might've missed

Twst's official opening was pretty mysterious and is most likely giving us hints of the upcoming adventures during the storyline . Well here's the link to opening with eng sub and also the summary of the main character references that were given to us:

1) Ace and Deuce's rivalship : We talked about this one a lot back in (part 2) so let's skip this one

2) Leona's sadness and pain : Leona's tearn falling to the ground and the Ruggie and Jack coming for him ; that's just how he always is : mentally sad and broken with a horribly frustrating past , but will avoid expressing himself and letting anyone see his pain anyway . Not really weird that these two are always around him , Leona does really need to be looked after ...

3) Azul's seek of power : He just looked...mad in this scene . Ursula's shadow on his fave and that creepy smile totally freaks anyone out. It really explains how great his desire of power is . His neglected self in the childhood and pretty poor talent got him to this point...

4) Jamil's cold and kinda confused self : Well this one isn't really clear yet since ch 4 isn't out . But perhaps depression has this guy... spending his whole life serving the the nasty Kalim he might've grown the same characteristics as Jafar , who was so long sick of being the second one in everything . But still his ideal of life is much different from Jafar's . We saw him hypnotizing Kalim in order to make him force students to do better at school . He's trying his best to leave up to his promises as the vice dorm leader but still , having the nasty Kalim as the dorm itself is making it a lot harder for him so he's got no choice but to hypnotize him...

5) Idia's severe anxiety and his protectiveness toward Ortho : This one was mentioned in s rather old re blog but here e go again : Well with how the rumors of the "cursed Shroud family" , Idia's anti-society self might be a bit explained . This guy's overblot is surely going to be EPIC ... we just know very few about him and yet that's more than enough for him to overblot at once . Also the mention of the process of bringing Ortho back to life was a bad hit...His family curse might've been the reason of whatever thst has happened to Ortho

6) Vil's anger of not being the fairest and breaking the mirror: This one's been pointed out a lot . His anger being the same as evil queen's and also the fear of him actually poisoning someone to become the fairest one more time....**

7) Malleus' isolated self and his hidden evil aura : This one's being shown too obviously . The lonely dark prince exposing his evil side under the full moonlight . All alone , beyond the forest of thorns (Lol how ironic) while the others are running to save him before it gets too late...***

(note : **,***: Vil and Malleus' description will be continued undercut)

Very well these were the general hints found on the opening , but don't miss the final seconds which included the biggest hidden facts you could've missed

Firstly , the splitted ink (This one was previously discussed on part 1 but still...) : We talked about how in the "Epic Mickey", Mickey accidentally splits the magic ink over the kingdom and which led to the creation of "shadow blot". This sight seems to be much similar to what we had here in the epic mickey

Well this parallel might be more than just an accidental one and finally and it might actually be that overblot is kinda Crowley's fault , too

Crowley crosses the mirror , turns into an actual crow and flies away...(DaMn YoU bIrDiE wHERe ArE yOu gOinG I'M noT doNe YeT-)

Well the reason he suddenly runs away isn't clear yet but being a fan of black butler for years , I was suddenly reminded of how Undertaker disappeared all of a sudden at this scene from the movie :" Book of Atlantic "

pretty similar , aren't they..?

In Book of Atlantic , Undertaker revealed his original identity as a reaper and the mastermind behind the "Bizzare dolls' " project after pretending to be a just a crazy cookie lover for so long . And at once , he comes up with his stunning sudden self-reveal , leaving everyone in the room speechless

Now now , what do we have with Crowley?

A principal who keeps hiding his face (remember that Undertaker hid his eyes , too?) , telling everyone "how kind he is" many times ... also:

1) In the opening , he was standing smiling in the mirror hall while the seven dorms were burning through seven mirrors

2) He didn't ever try to stop anyone from overbloting ; even Riddle whose overblot occurred right in front of him

3) In the beggining of the game, he asked the mirror to choose the right one and then! and MC was chosen ! MC took the hand of the one appearing through the mirror (seemingly Dire Crowley) and came here. With all said , so why did the mirror reject MC afterwards?

Also , how couldn't he help MC return to Their own world and didn't know about it if he himself brought MC here..?(Could it be that...MC doesn't remember how she/he was brought here?)

4) If he literally is THIS useless and can't ever stop or help anything, then why would he be the principal.....?

Sooooo enough with Crowley ; but what's with these two....?

The spindle wheel & the poison apple ; Sleeping beauty and Snow white

Well it seems that Diasomnia and Pomefiore are going to play a greatly important role in the storyline . We were kinda sure of Diasomnia's but Pomefiore's...? What's so special with it?

(A few hours earlier)

(Me : Hmmm ... the black mirror...where have I seen this before..? *googling - searching Snow White- going to the magic mirror scene* Me : Uh...)

Well... here it is : The Crowley's beloved flower of evil , back at his days with evil queen

feeling old yet ...?

Btw , just how important is being "the fairest one of all "to him ? How 'far' would he go to be the fairest...? With the bitten apple in the last few seconds of opening , it most likely seems that he IS gonna 'kill' to be the fairest again ...Who would he kill ? We don't know . But how about our pretty small guy Epel? Could it be him ? The stubborn freshman who refuses following Vil around and is usually mistaken with a girl......?

Also , why would the original mirror be so important to Crowley? If Vil's supposed to represent evil queen , why isn't 'he' the one owing the mirror...?

And now , the spindle wheel .Great maleficent's legacy , in the hands of Crowley...Well well this is 'too' much . Malleus' family treasure being kept hidden in NRC... pathetic

Also , the mirror which Vil broke in the opening . Well well seems like he isn't having the original magic mirror , afterall....

But wait , if there's the spindle wheel , who's gonna be the evil witch to pull the sweet princess to eternal sleep..? Right , there's only one who might be...

Well we talked about all we'd got so far , but what about Grim ? Isn't anyone going to mention his importance or why he was also mentioned in this chaotic final seconds of opening ???

So... this is what we had in the final seconds :

1)The apple

2) Crowley

3)The black ink

4)Grim

5)The spindle wheel

We talked about all of them except nu 4 . But before that , I've got the same question as before : Why is it "Sleeping beauty" & "Snow white"..?

We discussed the "overblot Grim " hints in (part 2), but here's another thing :

Very well , ever heard of "Grimm brothers"...?

In the case that you don't know who they are , here' the point : They are the authors of 'original' versions of sleeping beauty & snow white; two of the darkest , deepest and possibly creepiest stories of their own throughout the history

I believe that most of you are familiar with the original versions , but you may like to take a look at these two if you haven't yet heard of them check the two of these stories out : (note: I'm aware that there are darker , deeper versions of these too but I'm not gonna mention any of them because : 1)They aren't written by Grimm brothers & 2) They include overly sensual and inappropriate content which has no place in my posts . If you care to know about them , check them at your own risk)

Alright , if you ever wondered who was Grim named after , I guess we've got it now . Mentioning Grim , Snow white and Sleeping beauty together at once is too direct to be a coincidence ...but it's also terrifying ...

Thinking that Disney is actually referring to the original books written by Grimm brothers is a bit too dark... Original stories are really horrible and a great way to ruin one's childhood , but all these hints fit each other way too great and now , they may no longer be just a coincidence...

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Rabid Debate Club AU Masterpost:

'Random weird Au idea where it's a basic hs/uni AU but like two of them try to start a debate club, then invite some friends just so there's enough people. Cut to like, two months later, it's all the hermits just fighting over whether or not pineapple should go on pizza or not lol it isn't very good i'm sorry but ya know rabid debate club AU.' -Anon.

Some headcanons to start us off:

-The NHO are the jocks and typically get the most aggressive.

-Things don't usually get too political, it's usually just about dumb stuff that's for some reason controversial. (Ie, Pineapple on pizza, yes or no? Should we reclass 5 as an honorary even number?) sometimes they treat themselves to a little heavier topics but it's mostly about things like that.

-Cub and Joe are the founders.

-False, although physically strong, isn't as great at navigating around her words.

-Doc and Grian usually end up arguing the most.

-ImpulseSV is a science nerd and often offers scientific explanations to things. (IE, if ghosts were real, no because they behave similar to how 4th dimensional beings act so they probably aren't your dead relatives unless every time we die we move up a dimension.)

-Iskall85 is usually just there to have a good laugh and see how dumb the points get.

-iJevin typically does not back down from a point even if everyone else is against him.

-Keralis is as rich as always and the group socialists like to take jabs at him for it.

-Mumbo Jumbo is also a bit of a nerd like Impulse but he knows more about chemistry whereas Impulse knows more about physics and biology.

-Rendog only came because it said there were free biscuits to anyone who showed up.

-Stress is usually the one who bakes said biscuits.

-TFC is a teacher who sometimes joins in.

-XbCrafted is very much an animal rights activists. Impulse is a bit too but not to the extent Xb is.

-Xisumavoid is usually the one with controversial opinions, (political.) Enter: Should chicken be seasoned? No.

-Zedaph is a communist.

-Cleo was the first member to join who wasn't a founder.

-Tango usually just ends up agreeing with Impulse most of the times because he knows Impulse is smarter than him.

-Hypnotizd only joined because Xb joined.

-Welsknight is that one kid who knows way too much about history. Say for example if they were debating about 'is it actually worth having a president over a monarch' or something Wels would just be like, 'acTually, Historically---' and drop more knowledge than anyone was ready for. It gets to the point they just use him as a history-fact-checker-Google.

-Wels' main participation (aside from being Google) seems to be pointing out times when people are going in circles just restating points over and over again. He doesn't talk too much but when he does, his arguments are very strong because he's good at picking up patterns from previous debates. When people ask him how he's so good, he says "History always seems to repeat itself."

-Scar joined the club at when everyone was in the debate of, "cats or dogs?" So Scar brought Jellie to the club. After that everyone chose Jellie as the clubs mascot.

-TFC is a geography teacher- you know, cuz of all of his branch mining... and one day Joe and Cub showed up and were like “we need a teacher to start a club can u sign off” and TFC was like “k as long as u dont burn down my class...”

-For the rabid Debate club au- after Scar brought Jellie in, it became a bit of a challenge to see who could sneak their Pet or Pets in with out anyone noticing. Mumbo won, bringing both Kubo and a new member Grian. Everyone was freaking out about the big fluffy dog, no one noticed Grian sitting in a corner, kinda awkward. Which started Grians own challenge of "see how long I can go until someone notices Im here." It was several days...

-ngl this au is doing better than i thought it would when i first saw it, noice. as for hcs, cub & joe were supposed to register as an official debate team near the beginning of the year for like statewide competitions and stuff, but joe conveniently lost the paperwork after realizing the club was chaos. joe and cub do love the monstrosity they've created, but sometimes you'll find them in tfc's supply closet actually speedpresenting debate arguments they spent hours on while xb or cleo judges

same anon: yes, joe n cub wish the debate club was legit sometimes. they're very glad it ended up the way it did, and have massive fun doing they stuff they do, but like... it gets to em sometimes. every once in a while, cub gets in a Mood and ends up just hanging out the supply closet doing his homework. someone else will judge for the day. everyone just figures cub's just havin one of those days, but it's usually bc there's a debate competition happening that day that they would've gone to.

(All in red above are from our community's wonderful Anons!)

-Cub often judges the tournaments/meeting, and he absolutely never takes bribes at all ever, why would you say something like that? Anyway, his favorite kind of cake is red velvet. Just so everyone knows. :)

(-@shadeswiftdraws.)

-Debate au: tensions are high after a bake sale where the hermits debated with each other to prove their bake sale stand was the best. Things get out of control and everyone is really confrontational. All hell breaks loose when in one evening the question of ‘do you pour the milk or cereal first?’ is brought up. There has been conflicts before but this time it explodes, the hermits organize teams to defeat eachother, and thus, civil war of season 6 happens. (-@ivi-prism.) Zedaph drinks cereal with water, Python doesn't eat cereal, TFC drinks bottle/carton cereal from the box/pack. Concorp does both. (Anon adds.)

[onewfantaesy]

suggestion: an evil producer or something decides to out taemin's relationship while filming something/doing something live, and onew and minho come to the rescue (and since the fans already knew and didn't care, I bet they'd give the producer reasons to live in fear lol)

It was supposed to just be a documentary on various SM artists, and on the way the company runs in general. It was some sort of special anniversary thing, Taemin didn’t really know exactly. All he knew was that he had a small interview about his debut and his growth in the company and film a couple scenes learning some new choreography and recording songs and blah blah blah. Standard shit. Taemin wasn’t fazed.

Until months later when it was released and he was sitting at the premiere with so many labelmates and general employees and the press and even the damn CEO and there, on the big screen, is Kibum kissing his neck and tugging him close and Taemin himself giggling and trying to tug himself away, only to sneak a kiss on Kibum’s lips just moments later.

Apparently, secret relationships were a big part of this documentary. An unplanned addition. An unannounced plan that the director had as a way of exposing idol dating culture. Something that got no approval from those in charge of running this entire project, so pretty much everyone was shocked and confused and angry.

There were several other relationships outed as well, but Taemin felt frozen in his seat after his was finished playing out. So many people were looking at him, staring at him, whispering about him, and Kibum wasn’t even there that night and Taemin felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Let’s go,” Jinki, his manager, whispers to him. And he pulls Taemin up and ushers him out of the theater, out of the building, and into a van all while shielding Taemin as best he can from various flashing cameras and nosy reporters who want to know why he (and several other idols) are leaving so soon.

Taemin is 24. He’s 24 and he’s been an idol for ten years and he’s been dating Kibum for five years but he has no idea what to do. This is his entire life that’s just been potentially ruined by a single director with an agenda of outing idol relationships. His whole life is about to be turned upside down, he could lose his job, his fans, everything because of one person.

“It will be okay,” Jinki tells him. “They’re already no doubt figuring out how to damage control. No one else will ever see that movie. Everything will be okay.”

“No it won’t,” he chokes, staring straight out the window and not moving. “Everyone’s gonna hate me.”

“No they won’t.”

“Yes they will!” Taemin screams, his head snapping abruptly to turn to Jinki. “I have to be perfect! And not being single makes me not perfect! Dating a dude makes me not perfect!”

“Life is not about obtaining perfection,” Jinki tells, his voice firm. “You work your body to the point of pure exhaustion, mentally and physically, trying to achieve something that’s impossible. Your fans love you because you’re you. Because they like your music and your personality and your dancing. Real fans won’t give a shit who you’re dating so long as they make you happy.”

Taemin doesn’t say anything for a while, instead going back to staring straight ahead. Jinki ends up walking Taemin up to his house, making even helping him over to the couch. Taemin is completely dazed, and it’s really worrying.

“I’ve worked so hard,” Taemin eventually says in a strangled voice. “For practically my whole life, I’ve worked so, so hard to be good at this. And it’s all ruined.”

He’s panicking and tears are spilling from his eyes and Jinki just sits next to him and holds him close. He’s been Taemin’s manager since he debuted, he knew exactly when Taemin started Kibum, he’s been there for everything Taemin’s ever had to go through. But this is by far hitting Taemin the hardest.

But of course it is. It’s a blatant invasion of privacy, and it really does have the potential to ruin Taemin’s career. Jinki won’t let it, of course, but that doesn’t mean the possibility can’t scare Taemin.

Jinki rarely sees Taemin cry, and this is by far the most he’s ever seen Taemin cry so desperately. Jinki sits with him for hours, consoling him, comforting him.

When Kibum comes home later that night from teaching a dance workshop, he freaks out over seeing a crying, distraught Taemin being held by his manager.

“What happened?” Kibum asks, rushing over. “Did someone get hurt? Are you hurt? What happened?”

Jinki has to tell him, because Taemin can’t quite form a coherent sentence.

Kibum is pissed. He’s angry and pissed off and he wants to do something about it, but he decides the best thing to do right now is just help Taemin calm down.

“I’m gonna go,” Jinki says after Taemin finally starts breathing normally again. “I’ll text you any updates on the situation. Just try to lay low for now.”

For the next three days, Taemin barely leaves the bed. He doesn’t answer calls, he doesn’t go online, he barely even looks at his phone. He just stays in bed either staring out the window, sleeping, or watching old kids movies.

Kibum stays with him as much as he can, tries to help him feel some sort of comfort. But they don’t really talk much. He’s never seen Taemin retreat into himself as much or as drastically as this.

“I’m gonna go get us something to eat,” Kibum says gently after a couple days. “Do you want anything specific.”

“Not hungry.”

He’s barely eaten anything if Kibum hasn’t practically forced him.

“I’ll be back in a little bit,” Kibum says. “Maybe try showering before I get back?”

“Kay.”

He probably won’t. Kibum knows he probably won’t.

While the incident has been in a few gossip columns, it’s been effectively buried by the company. It could have potentially ruined several of their most popular artists, it wasn’t something they were going to let get out there. Really, they said the documentary was highly fabricated by the director, that it was entirely unreliable and fictional, and that’s enough to appease the general public and fans alike.

Although many fans know the dating rumors are true. Most of them don’t care. Taemin’s fans in particular have known about Taemin and Kibum for years, but they’ve never been bothered by it. So long as Taemin is happy, that’s all they care about.

But Taemin is clearly unhappy during this time. The photos and videos of him leaving the original viewing very clearly show him upset and panicked. He’s been MIA for over a week since then, and even Kibum’s Instagram and online presence has severely declined in activity. He posted from the dance workshop that was held the same night, but nothing since then. It’s very worrying, especially since Kibum usually posts at least once a day, if not more.

It’s not until Minho, an actor and frequent variety show guest, finally speaks up about it that Taemin realizes maybe it won’t be the end of the world.

“We might be in the public eye, but we’re still people,” Minho says. “And to put these relationships on blast and just out all these relationships as what? A power move? Is just so reprehensible. It doesn’t matter if they’re true or not, you’re actively trying to ruin someone’s career because you think idols dating should be talked about more. But that just opens us up to more potential for hate by non-fans. And seeing so much hate does a lot more damage to a person’s health than you think it would.”

Minho, although not technically an idol, is an actor under SM. And his relationship with a stylist within the company was shown as well.

But seeing that Minho is okay, that he’s still out there doing his job and his life isn’t crumbling around him - that helps Taemin realize his career isn’t over because of one potential scandal.

Taemin is back to his usual self after a couple weeks. He’s still nervous and afraid of backlash, but he tries his best to just be happy in the moment. Plus, it helps that Kibum is so supportive.

After almost two weeks of complete silence from both of them, a fun video of Taemin learning new choreography is uploaded to Kibum’s Instagram. They’re in a company practice room, and Taemin comes out of a spin giggling, a little dizzy, and falling over to make funny faces at Kibum. Five minutes later, Taemin posts a mirror selfie in the same room with Kibum standing right next to him, an arm wrapped around his waist.

They’re so obviously together. They’ve never been super subtle about it. But they should be allowed to make the decision of when to officially announce it. And right now, neither of them are comfortable doing that. And that’s okay.

[mittensmorgul]

The Tumblr Beta Version: an objective analysis

I was tempted to just type “it sucks.” And while that is an objective analysis, it’s not exactly helpful. I’ve sent several requests to @staff and @support to restore my account to the old tumblr dashboard format, and received the same automated reply twice now. I’ll copy/paste it here so everyone is on the same page:

(lol, I had to go back and edit this, because apparently the beta version doesn’t display block quotes on the dash. So I’ve also put the block quotes in italics... hopefully it’ll display properly... note after editing: nope, it doesn’t display italics either... how the heck am I supposed to differentiate quoted text? I’ll start each quoted bit with an asterisk, I guess...)

*Thanks for reaching out about the beta dashboard.

*We're currently testing it out, and your account seems to have been selected to take part in the test. Thanks for your patience while we work on it! At this time there is not a way to opt out of testing. You may see your Tumblr experience return to normal as we continue testing.

WE CAN ONLY HOPE.

*In the meantime, check out some of the new features available only in the beta dashboard:

OKAY TUMBLR, IF YOU INSIST, though I would MUCH rather have back all the functionality I personally invested into this website through xkit... you know... making the site ACTUALLY FUNCTIONAL. Let’s see what this beta version has given me instead of functionality:

*Change Palettes: Go to the person icon, then click "Change Palette." You'll find the classic Tumblr blue, dark mode, and a few other color palettes for your dash.

So I tried out all the color palettes. In addition to the ones mentioned here, there’s one that’s trying to look like a green screen terminal that gives me flashbacks to the early 80′s. There’s a reason we stopped using green screen terminals... Another one is “canary yellow.” It’s very yellow. The “classic tumblr” isn’t actually classic tumblr... all the post boxes are dark blue with grey type, not white with black type. And all the other colors are the insanely bright fluorescent of the new Dark Blue standard tumblr scheme. Which means links are practically invisible unless I highlight them. It’s migraine inducing. The one theme with a light colored background is called “Concrete” or “Cement” or something like that and even that only works for about half an hour before the migraine aura really kicks in. I just want my Old Blue via xkit back. You know, what tumblr actually used to look like. I don’t want any of these horrible color palettes. None of them work for me.

*The new "meatballs" menu: This is where you can copy the post link, unfollow the Tumblr who made or reblogged the post, or report a violation to our Community Guidelines.

I could do all of this from the user menus with xkit, too. I don’t regularly report violations or have the urge to block people I have chosen to follow. Why on earth would I want to do any of this? And why would I want these features located directly beside the post link copy feature? 

You know what I do miss? I miss the xkit timestamps feature. I didn’t have to hover dangerously close to the KILL IT WITH FIRE meatballs menu in order to see when a post was made, and in this era of disinformation and misinformation spreading around this site faster than Covid-19, being able to see when a post was ORIGINALLY created is a far more useful feature than an easier way to block people. For reference: I currently have three blogs blocked. Two of them are pornbots. One is a nazi. If I don’t want someone’s content on my dash, I don’t follow them. This “feature” is entirely useless to me.

*A quick note: Pagination is not supported in this beta test, but we're collecting feedback to send to our engineers.

THIS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. This beta test might actually be tolerable if I wasn’t trapped into endless scrolling. If I could page through my dash, refreshing it every ten posts or so. You know why? Because once I scroll about 30 posts down my dash, tumblr starts overheating my laptop under the load of ALL THOSE POSTS. Things start malfunctioning-- it takes longer and longer to load new posts the farther I scroll. And the keyboard navigation (both page down and hitting J to advance to the next post, and even just using the down arrow to scroll as I read a long post) freeze and stop functioning. One of my laptop fans has actually begun to malfunction.

You know why this wasn’t a problem on the old version? If the data load got to heavy, I could open a post in a new tab, click view on dash with xkit, and voila! Brand new tab! I could close the malfunctioning tab and everything would be refreshed to normal! But without pagination, THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

Also, after reblogging a few posts, the beta version of this site breaks, and doesn’t open a post tab to add commentary or even tags. It just... reblogs the untagged post with no warning whatsoever. You know... that’s really really not cool. I tag EVERYTHING. Well, almost everything. The tags are the only way to keep track of the 40k+ posts on my blog. And warn people that I am posting potential spoilers, or other specific content. It’s REALLY inconvenient to have to either immediately go to my blog to edit the post and add tags, or even comments. The alternative is to scroll up to open individual posts I want to reblog in a new tab, and then reblog directly there. Ironically enough, THOSE pages actually open with xkit installed, and everything (surprise!) functions perfectly there.

It’s perfectly reasonable to understand why this specific issue has limited the number of posts I reblog. Reblogging content should not be this much of a hassle. Creators have been complaining for a while that reblogs have drastically slowed down, and I think making it even more annoying and difficult to reblog posts will not help this problem.

Also, with xkit enabled, there’s a function that auto-loads images as you scroll, so the images are always visible BEFORE they appear on screen. I don’t have to look at the colored boxes and wonder if this is a post I’ve already seen or something I should sit and wait for. Don’t even think about watching tumblr videos. Loading priority is given to the ads that you cannot pause or dismiss, so that video loads and plays in choppy two second bursts instead of being given priority. Since that’s the content I am actually here to consume, it kinda makes me want to do the opposite of patronizing anyone who advertises here with graphically intense ads. And then when you scroll away, with xkit, gifs and videos you’ve scrolled past STOP loading and playing, which I think might be contributing to the intensity of the resource hogging that’s literally melting down my laptop.

And for reference, I have a pretty decent little gaming laptop. A blogging platform shouldn’t be driving it to the brink of frying itself. I didn’t realize just how much xkit worked to streamline this and provide basic functionality to this site.

*And lastly, if you're an XKit user, know that the XKit team is working hard to update things on their end to make it compatible with the beta dashboard.

And this doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what I’ve lost without xkit. And this is a really REALLY garbage response to user complaints. “Oh, yeah, sorry we made our site suck even worse, but those nice people who do our jobs for free will surely fix our garbage soon!”

Dear wonderful people at @new-xkit-extension, I love you, and I miss you, and while I wish xkit worked with this beta version I’ve been forced into living with, I truly feel for y’all who are trying to deal with this nonsense on behalf of all of us.

And to the folks at Tumblr... maybe try to just... make your site actually more like xkit. You know, actually functional. None of these special new features are useful or functional to me. I respectfully request for a fourth time to be removed from this inane beta test.

Give us OPTIONS. Let us display ALL THE TAGS without having to click a button. Let me have back my Activity+ that actually allowed me to interact with people from my dash! That showed me real-time inline notifications in a way that I could reply to with a single click! Bring me back to my column of open messaging conversation icons so I have easy access to the people I talk with throughout the day instead of closing them all every time I refresh the page. I already feel socially isolated in freaking quarantine, please stop shutting off all my avenues of communication!

Let us have pagination! I mean, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to force heavy users of this site into a beta version that doesn’t allow us to opt out until your engineers had actually figured out how to make it work in a very basic way.

*Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with!

YES. PLEASE REMOVE ME FROM THIS BETA TEST NOW. I have let you know exactly what I want from this site. I just want it to ACTUALLY WORK. For someone who spends 12+ hours a day on this site, this beta test version is NONFUNCTIONAL. PLEASE ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT. I AM LITERALLY BEGGING YOU. I WILL ACTUALLY PAY YOU CASH MONEY TO ALLOW ME TO OPT OUT OF THIS AND GO BACK TO HAVING A FUNCTIONAL BLOG AGAIN. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!

PLEASE! 

I AM OFFICIALLY AT THE END OF MY PATIENCE FOR ENDURING THIS NIGHTMARE.

(one final quick note... I’ve only been back on my dash long enough to make the parenthetical edits-- i.e. adding italics that don’t display and then adding the asterisks at the beginning of each section of quoted text, and already my laptop is overheating again. For reference, I originally typed this entire post from within my tumblr inbox page-- which still functions normally with xkit-- and spent over an hour on it. My laptop was fine the entire time. Clearly the issue is this beta version of the website. I will never forgive tumblr if y’all fry my literal only portal to the outside world at this time. PUT ME BACK TO NORMAL NOW. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY INFURIATING AND ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE. Thanks)

(oops apparently i lied... when the asterisks and the previous final note failed to display, I thought that seemed suspicious, and realized that I literally needed to refresh my entire dash in order to see edited changes. Funny how xkit enabled me to do that in real time, which is just another bit of functionality I’ve lost with this beta program. Please guys, this is really, really not working for me at all, just put it back.)

[exeggcute]

glad to know you are mostly recovered from covid! if i may ask, could you describe how where your symptoms or at what pace you got them? the information i've got from both medical / govermental sources in my country is contradictory at times. also, what would you recommend drinking if i found myself to be with covid?

first off: WATER!!! drink water!!! I mean you can probably drink whatever as long as it’s moderately healthy and you’re staying hydrated (my drink of choice while sick is red gatorade. it has to be red or it doesn’t work though) but water is always a safe bet

also I’m happy to share my experience, just know that (1) I am not a doctor, just a professional Sick Person and (2) I never officially got tested thanks to a shortage of coronavirus tests in my area, but I’m pretty damn sure my symptoms were aligned with covid-19, so take that as you will

the first thing I noticed was a sore throat... but I have sore throats allll the time because of my other health issues, so I didn’t think much of it. I did start to notice my sore throat was getting better (from a previous mystery illness that knocked me out for a few days, and which I initially thought was strep but was probably just a bad cold) before suddenly getting bad again. I also had a day where my sore throat was especially pronounced and I had that Really Tired Feeling you get when you’re sick. I guess we can call that day one, but at this point I definitely didn’t think I had corona

that night I noticed some chest tightness, which I initially wrote off as an anxiety attack (and considering my extremely anxious personality and the fact that we were battening down the hatches for a pandemic, that seemed like a fair assumption) but using my inhaler didn’t help--in fact, it made the pain worse! but it did pass eventually, more or less, and I forgot about it

(side note here that if you think you have corona, do NOT use your albuterol inhaler or any kind of steroid inhaler unless you’re having a legit asthma attack with wheezing and all the works. using your inhaler can make the corona symptoms worse, but obviously if you need to use it then it’s important to keep using it. consult your doctor. also another similar note: if you think you have it, stay away from most NSAIDs if you can, as those can also make things worse. tylenol is okay though as long as you’re careful about the dosage--not as a corona thing, you just always need to be careful with tylenol dosage. and it’ll help keep your fever down, which is important!)

then over the next day or two I noticed the chest pain flare-ups but wrote those off as well. they were short-lived and mainly seemed to happen at night, but the inhaler always made them worse. around this time I also started experiencing some general GI upset for a few days (not to get too into that...), but I have a very touchy digestive track and was taking antibiotics at the same for other unrelated reasons, so I was like “well it’s probably nothing” but was starting to get worried.

then about five days later, the chest tightness really made itself present. like, it lasted all day and was constant. I was concerned but not immediately freaking out, and it was really windy that day so I kind of chalked it up to allergies, but as a very allergic person I’ve never had chest tightness like that from allergies (and my other allergic symptoms have improved considerably since I started allergy shots, so it would be weird to have a new symptom crop up out of nowhere like that).

then the next day, and the next day, the tightness wasn’t going away. this was clearly not allergies. I started to seriously think about corona tests, and I even called my primary care doctor, but she was extremely dismissive (all she did was call in a prescription for an old allergy drug that never even worked for me in the first place) and it was downright impossible to get tested. I was freaked out, but not entirely sure.

it’s about day seven at this point, and the chest tightness is in full swing. when I first wake up, the pain isn’t really present, but after about an hour of wakefulness my chest starts to get tight, congested, and kind of has that rattle-y feeling when it’s full of mucus and crap from the postnasal drip. not much congestion otherwise, but I’m so hopped up on antihistamines at all times that I don’t really get congested in general. the best way I can describe the chest tightness is that it feels like when I exert myself and my asthma makes my chest seize up and it’s hard to catch my breath (aka every single PE class I was ever forced to take as a kid), but my inhaler doesn’t do shit. my throat is still hurting pretty bad too and I feel vaguely fevery, but I don’t have a working thermometer at home. overall I just feel shitty, like that feeling you have when you know you’re sick (and I get sick a lot so I’m pretty well-versed in that lol). for quarantine purposes, this is the day I’ve been counting as the “first day” of having obvious corona symptoms, but it was really predated by the things I described above.

several days pass like this, I keep trying to get tested and call all sorts of places but it’s all dead ends. I also develop a slight cough, which mostly comes in bursts or when I speak/eat. by day twelve I manage to get a primary care appointment, and they do an EKG to make sure it’s not cardiac pain (the EKG came back fine) and a throat swab to see if it’s something bacterial (it’s not). they do confirm I’m running a slight fever, although my body temperature is usually so low that even a fever of 99 is high for me. my primary care doc basically tells me to fuck off and stay home, which I was already planning on doing. she also didn’t even wear a mask or gloves to look into my throat, despite the fact that all the other nurses in the practice were wearing masks and gloves when they interacted with patients... so I’m not exactly full of confidence in her judgement here.

the night of day thirteen, the day after seeing my doctor, I have a night where I can’t sleep because my airway feels restricted (both in my chest and my actual throat being swollen from pain). I used my inhaler, like a fool, and when the inhaler didn’t help the first time I tried using it two more times. big mistake! I ended up lying awake gasping for air, taking huge gulps just to feel like I was getting the teeniest bit of oxygen, and feeling stabbing pain when I took these deep breaths. I was too afraid to sleep and almost made my girlfriend drive me to the ER but I hate going to the ER so instead I just tried to calm down until I got exhausted enough to fall asleep around dawn. I also kept alternating between sweating buckets and shivering to death, no matter how I kept adjusting the temperature and my blankets, so I assume I was having a crazy fever that night.

the next day, roughly day fourteen, I decided to suck it up and go to the ER to get a chest x-ray. they said my x-ray looked fine, which was encouraging (hopefully no permanent lung damage there), and they took a flu swab and a strep swab just to rule those out (both negative, of course). at least two other people were there with me in the ER complaining of similar symptoms, but they didn’t have any tests for us so the doctor just told me to go home, act as if I had it, and keep taking tylenol and drinking water. this doctor is also the one who told me to stop using my inhaler--and the fact that my inhaler kept making the pain worse is one of the things that really tips me off here that I probably had it.

things are pretty much uneventful for the next week: still having a tight chest, a fever that seems to come and go, sore throat, cough. no more crazy attacks like that one night.

by day nineteen (yesterday) I start to notice a bit of improvement in my chest pain. it’s not gone, but it’s not as bad and I’ll have slight reprieves from the tightness. today is day twenty (more or less, my numbers are a little rough here) and I actually felt okay most of the day. by the evening the tightness returned and I’m still coughing every now and then, but far less often. I think the fever is gone and my throat doesn’t hurt too bad, either! I’m well past the point of being contagious, so I actually went to the grocery store today and got a few things. I’m not totally out of the woods yet, but I think (knock on fucking wood) the worst has passed.

anyway, I hope my anecdote is helpful for you, and I hope you stay safe and healthy!

[scripting-life]

FFVII: returning to my first love

 *peeks out of the corner of my lurking spot*

Hello? Anybody out there? It’s only been, oh you know, four-ish years since the last time I’ve posted anything here. I apologize in advance for anybody who’s still following me from my Castle days. If you couldn’t tell from my extended absence, I’ve mostly moved on. Castle and Beckett were fantastic characters that let me to play with some deep-dive analyses, and Castle will always hold a special place in my heart as my comfort show and my first real and extended experience with online fandom. I’ll always be grateful to the community I’ve had the joy of interacting with (or, the community with which I’ve had the joy of interacting, as Castle would correct me my dangling preposition).

I honestly didn’t think I would ever have reason to come back to Tumblr after Castle ended. But the FF7 Remake has returned me to my very first love--when I was young and innocent and before I knew anything about OTPs or ship wars. I’ve been back lurking for several months now and seeing all the fanart/fanfics and fun theories and analyses has reignited my enthusiasm for the FF7 franchise. It’s also fun coming back to this franchise with a more mature understanding of the themes/concepts that completely flew over my head as a young preteen.

(This ended up being super long, so the rest is below the cut to spare everyone the pain of scrolling. Apparently, my rambling tendencies have not changed at all. lol.)

When FF7R was officially announced (five freaking years ago!), I was filled with apprehension. FF7 was my first taste of a “grown-up” game. I was 11 and played my brother’s copy of the OG on PC in 1-2 hours spurts on the weekends when I visited his apartment. It took me months, if not years, to finish the game (I ended up stealing his copy to play on our computer at home...lol), and I was so blown away by it. I remember the exact moment I finished it and how I was literally shaking as I watched the ending FMV.

Later, when I found out my brother had a copy of FF8 (my poor brother was so accommodating to his annoying little sister...haha), I was so excited to play, in large part because I thought it would continue the story of FF7. Young, naive me didn’t understand the numbering conventions of Final Fantasy titles. I was madly theorizing and breaking my brain trying to find connections between the two games’ plots and had literally played through more than half the game before I finally realized the storyline of FF8 had absolutely nothing to do with FF7. I was sorely disappointed, and I think that has somewhat tainted my appreciation of future titles. Not to say I haven’t enjoyed the subsequent FF titles, but I think a little part of me is always comparing them to that first experience of wonder and awe that I had with FF7.

I discovered fanfiction in my teens and starting writing FF7/Cloti fics in college. Aside from interacting with a few fic writers at the time, I was not involved in any online communities, so I kept myself pretty free of any ship war drama and the like. When I did research for my fics, I’d sometimes see shipping sites and theories where I didn’t always understand the logic of how certain conclusions were reached, but frankly, I didn’t much care and didn’t realize that Clerith vs. Cloti was such a touchy subject. I was peripherally aware that some sort great LTD war was waging, of course, but it didn’t really touch me. I stayed in my Cloti shipping/fic-writing lane and was probably a lot happier for it. And, to be honest, based on FFN’s listings for FF7, I felt like I always saw a bunch of Sephiroth/Cloud fics and thought that was just as popular as the more conventional ships.

Graduating college and entering “real life” pretty much ended my FF7 fanfic-writing journey. In the intervening years between college and the release of FF7R, I haven’t gone back to the OG too much. I’ve played almost all the Final Fantasy games since then, and I always enjoy getting my FF7 crew fix when I play the non-canon mobile games or the Kingdom Hearts franchise. But FF7 was a happy part of my teenage years, and I was content to think on it with sweet nostalgia.

Remakes, in recent experience (*cough cough* Disney, why?), have been hit or miss, with a lot of misses. It’s hard to strike a good balance between catering to nostalgia and delivering a fresh product, never mind the change in social mores through the decades. I was so afraid FF7R would screw up my memories, especially since I wasn’t the biggest fan of Advent Children. The graphics were great and the action scenes were fun, but the story felt like a let-down. Cloud, in particular, felt so different (and yes, moody) from where we left him after the OG. I understand now that a lot of his character motivation was better explained in the On The Way to a Smile novels, but back then, I just felt like AC came out of nowhere. 

Btw, because I see this question a lot on other blogs when I’m lurking, I’ve ALWAYS thought that it was very clear in AC--even without reading anything else--that the reason for Cloud’s depression was due to guilt and not because he was pining for Aerith. The only reason I didn’t like his characterization in AC was because it felt like it came out of nowhere since AC is set 2 years after OG and by the end of the OG, he seemed to be in a pretty decent place mentally and emotionally. That being said, I can absolutely understand why some traumas resurface years after the originating incident and how times of peace might actually be worse because he is no longer solely focused on saving the world, but I was just surprised and a little bummed that this was the direction the devs chose to take AC at the time. Now that I’m older, I do better appreciate the complexities of Cloud’s mental state and the fact that they depicted a hero with lingering mental health issues is actually pretty awesome. I’m drawn to characters that have flaws--sometimes serious ones--but try their best anyway. Hence, why why Tifa Lockhart and Kate Beckett are some of my all-time favorites.

Anyhow, that didn’t stop me from pre-ordering FF7R, of course. I avoided reading any reviews as I didn’t want my first impressions to be swayed, and boy, was I happy that I went in mostly blind. That sense of awe really almost felt like playing the OG for the first time again, but somehow more. The combat system is incredibly fun and the world-building is nothing short of incredible. The variety and abundance of NPCs gives the game so much flavor and the locations have been rendered so well. As I’m going through areas like the Sector 7 train station and Wall Market and Aerith’s house, I can almost superimpose the layout from the OG in my head, but now it’s in 3D and so rich and full. It’s obvious that a lot of attention was paid to details, and I love all the head-nods and homages to the OG.

And oh, the characters!

This is the Cloud I’ve been wanting to see in glorious HD and the Cloud I remember from the original game: all awkward, dorky trying to be cool, socially inept, mentally unstable, abrasive-at-times, reluctant to act depending on who’s asking, wannabe hard-ass who’s actually a big softie inside Cloud. I remember reading an article a few years back about how the devs basically redid Cloud for the Remake because they wanted him to go back to his dorky roots--which ends up making him closest to his personality in the OG than his appearances in other franchises--and I was SOOOO incredibly happy to hear that. I was so sick of the way Cloud was constantly depicted as this cool, broody McBrood in his cameos when he was a pretty big dork in the OG. (Anybody remember him doing squats in the Highwind when Tifa says it’ll be lonely with just the two of them and Cloud responds that he’ll make enough noise to make up for it? Like I said: cute, but a dork.)

I WAS surprised by how comfortable and sweet and touchy (so very very touchy) the devs made him with Tifa from the beginning. That initial scene of Cloud being such a smooth operator giving Tifa the flower had my jaw-dropping and every single flirty interaction after that (and there are many) had my Cloti heart overflowing in shock and bliss. Throughout most of my years as a Cloti shipper, even though I believed Cloti was supported by canon and pretty clearly together, I was also under the impression--mistakenly or not--that Cloti was the minority ship. So for Square Enix to make it so blatantly obvious that Cloud is really into Tifa at such an early stage has been an unexpected gift.

Also, they’re just really hot together. (Clotiscrew tunnel--be still my heart!)

As for Tifa...oh, what wonderful character development we’ve already gotten for Tifa. Tifa has always been one of my all-time favorite characters ever since reading her character blurb in the OG game manual. Initially, as a child, it was because I saw so much of myself in her. She was outwardly bright and optimistic, but tended to hide all of her stronger feelings inside. She fought with her fists, and for someone who was a tomboy growing up who liked playing contact sports with the boys, I connected with her in a way that I had never been able to connect with other female protagonists who were primarily back-row specialists. (I also aspired to grow to her listed height of 5′4″, which alas, did not happen...lol).

I love how the Remake delves into more of Tifa’s moral conflict between the destruction that she causes as part of Avalanche and needing to do something to stop Shinra, and yes, even seeking revenge. They touched on this in the OG lightly, but the Remake really hammers it home. She’s perhaps the most conflicted character in terms of motivation in Part 1. That scene with the Shinra manager on the train is actually one of my favorite scenes of her because it highlights that tension. The elevator scene, if you opted for it instead of the stairs (or if you did one, saved, and reloaded to do the other one, like me), is also underrated in terms of how much it reveals about Tifa’s inner struggle.

On this point, I also appreciate that the Remake has the characters reflecting on the damage they’ve both indirectly and directly inflicted--the Avalanche team all do this to a certain degree. In particular, Jessie’s constant inability to figure out what she’d done wrong with the bomb to cause such a massive explosion and her remaining feelings of guilt during her death scene (”they were my victims” ouch!) were heart-breaking.

Aerith’s depiction was another pleasant surprise. I’ll be honest; I didn’t much like her in the OG. She was too pushy and willfully oblivious to the point of being mean at times. In the Remake, much of her sometimes too in-your-face playfulness was kept--perhaps still a little too much--but I appreciate the nuance that they gave her. The train graveyard scene tells the player that she didn’t have friends growing up, and I think that partially contributes to her lack of social tact at times. The other factor that gives her personality more nuance is the hint of special knowledge that affects how she interacts with the rest of the group. It gives her additional hidden motivation and adds to her mystery for new players while simultaneously pulling at the heartstrings for old players who get the impression that Aerith is somehow aware--to a certain, unknown extent--of her own fate. 

I also appreciate that Aerith is more grounded as a real person than as some sort of revered being. I do blame AC for some of that. When you have the power to cure a fatal disease from the afterlife and send the dead back to life, it gets into some godlike territory. Maybe it’s a fair depiction of her powers as a Cetra, but I just get the feeling that Aerith herself wouldn’t really appreciate being made into this goddess-like figure. Remember that her character blurb in the original game manual implied that she was more interested in earthly things (i.e. the love triangle) than in exploring her own powers. I personally think that Aerith used the “love triangle” in the OG as a form of escapism from the weight of her burdens rather than genuine interest, and I just think she’d want to be thought of as a person rather than as a god. One of my favorite scenes for Aerith is when she and Cloud are traversing the rooftops and she slips on the ladder, letting out a simple, “Shit.” It humanizes her in a way that combats some of the ways she’s sort of been deified in the last 23 years. Also, Aerith wielding a folding chair like it’s WWE never fails to make me laugh. Overall, she just comes off as a more reasonably flawed and--as a result, to me--a more likeable character in the Remake, and I do very much like her now.

Barret is pretty much the exact larger than life character I imagined in my head, only somehow even better, and I really love how expressive and emotional his eyes and facial expressions are. His scenes with Marlene are truly the cutest thing ever. Red XIII is a big, furry ball of sass, and I need so much more of him in the coming parts (Cosmo Canyon still wrecks me to this day). The interactions between the Wedge, Biggs, and Jessie are incredible, and they really feel like people who’ve been friends and basically each other’s family for years. The Turks and Rufus are pretty much as cool as I imagined them in the OG.

There’s still so much more I haven’t even started touching on about the Remake, and I think that’s why I’m finally posting this now. I just can’t contain my love for this game any more, and I really really need a place to express myself. I don’t know if anybody is still reading, but I appreciate having the opportunity to finally gush about this game and franchise that I’ve loved so much for pretty much two-thirds of my life.

[purplesurveys]

819

what is a food that you’d hate to be allergic to?: Omg SEAFOOD. Can’t live without it. If I was allergic to it I’d be that person who brings tons of antihistamines everywhere I go so I can power through when eating crabs and mussels and shrimp. I just can’t live a life of being forced to watch others eat seafood while I can’t lol.

what color was the last towel you used?: Light blue.

would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you? Same height or a tad bit taller is fine; I’m not super particular when it comes to height.

when was the last time your nose bled? My nose has never bled before and I dread the day it happens for the first time, because I’m totally unprepared and blood freaks me out and I will highkey probably pass out for a bit hahaha.

how old are you turning this year?: I already turned 22 last April. Considering the circumstances, my birthday had surprisingly gone really well too.

what is your favorite thing to snack on while watching a movie?: French fries from Potato Corner. My go-to bucket size is Mega and I will typically request my order to be 1/2 barbecue and 1/2 cheese fries. I’ll feel super uneasy if I don’t have that exact order when watching a movie at the cinema.

swimming pool or hot tub?: So I had to look up hot tub because I wanted to know how it’s different from a jacuzzi, and holyyyyy crap I’ve learned something new - Jacuzzi is a brand of hot tubs, wtfreak my life has been a lie I thought it was a word!!! Hahaha in any case, I do prefer hot tubs more. I’ve always felt dirty hanging around in swimming pools.

can you swim well? I’m not able to perform any of the strokes like an Olympic athlete, but I can tread well and for a good amount of time.

what body part do you wash first in the shower?: Not really a part of the body per se but I’ve always washed my hair first.

who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day? No thanks, I find that too invasive. 

what kind of first impression do you think you make? Cold and a little aloof, which isn’t too far off from the truth especially if I’m not approached first. If someone does talk to me for the first time, it’ll depend on their body language whether I’ll choose to continue to be reserved, or if I’d want to be bubbly and vibrant around them.

name your last reason for using a camera? My dad honked his horn as he parked in the carport to let us know he was home, and my dog ran up the screen door and sat patiently to wait for him to come inside, his tail wagging the whole time.

where was the last place you fell asleep other than your bed? Sometimes I’ll line up our dining chairs together so it can turn to some sort of bed, and I’ve been falling asleep on that often lately.

what are you excited about? To drink the rest of this milk tea my dad bought me :) He went out to run some errands and I guess he’s been hearing me talk about how I miss having milk tea, so he went out of his way to go to a Chatime and get drinks for me and my sister.

seven days from now, will you be in a relationship? Yes.

are you a happy person? My emotions are always all over the place. I’m never consistently in a certain mood.

when was the last time you laughed really hard & why? I was bored and missing normal life last night so I went through my uploaded photos on Twitter so I can see what I used to do before everything went downhill...and by doing that, I realized that I’m quite good at tweeting HAHAHA most of my captions made me laugh and my content/photos weren’t all that bland or bad either. Idk, this is one instance where I can confidently say that I’m funny hahaha.

what are you wearing? A UP shirt and a pair of shorts.

what do you want? For my college to post the official list of graduating students for this school year so that I can finally partake in the tradition of changing my Facebook DP to my senior photo. I REALLY love how my portrait turned out and I can’t wait for my loved ones to see it.

did you enjoy your weekend? It was okay I guess. My mom was annoyingly cranky throughout Saturday for no reason, but it mellowed out by the next day and that’s good enough for me. Other than that, it was just as uneventful as the last three months have been.

do you regret anything you’ve done recently? Just little stuff that I get over quickly like, “oh I regret making this coffee at 11 PM because it’s now 3 AM and I’m jumpy as fuck.” But no big regrets recently.

is there anybody you wish you could see? For fucking sure. I don’t even have to tell y’all who it is.

have you ever kissed anyone with a name that starts with j or m? Nope. I almost went out with an M, though.

how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? 2 3/4 lol. I trust Andrew 110%...and I mooooostly trust my dad. Not with every single topic under the sun, but I still trust him a whole lot nonetheless.

do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? I hope I will be by then.

what makes you mad most about girls? Definitely wanna avoid generalizing in this question but the way some girls will fawn over men is super hypocritical and that bugs me to no end. Girls shaming other girls for a range of things is also annoying, whether it’s over wearing too much makeup, not wearing makeup, choosing to abort, physical appearances, their diet, etc. Some really need to mind their own fucking business.

have you ever been given roses? Yes.

do you even like getting flowers? I love receiving stems or bouquets but I’m not obsessed with them in that I wanna get them regularly. Giving me flowers for Valentine’s Day or on our anniversary is more than enough for me.

what’s your favorite flowers? Peonies.

could you go out in public looking like you do now? No. I’d change my shorts.

who’s the first person you texted today? I haven’t texted anyone today.

would you move to another state to be with the person you loved? That’s a toughie...it would depend on the opportunities I have wherever I live in the present, and whether there are better ones where my partner is. I’m young and still building up my career, so realistically I’d wanna look out for myself first instead of clumsily jumping in headfirst for love lol.

how’s the weather today? It’s strangely warm and humid and uncomfortable, which is annoyinggggg. News has said that the wet/rainy season already begun, so I don’t know why the sun is still hanging around and being, again, annoying.

what color are your eyes? Really dark brown, almost black.

do you like poptarts? In my country we only get the same five flavors but my favorite out of all of them is chocolate fudge. I really wish we had a wider selection though :(

where will you be 12 hours frm now? Getting ready for bed most likely.

is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated? No. I’m usually the one who involuntarily makes others feel intimidated, oops.

do you know what you are going to wear tomorrow? Not exactly but it’s definitely gonna be one of the several tops and shorts I’ve just been repeatedly wearing at home since March.

are you on a desktop or laptop? Laptop. I haven’t used a desktop in ages.

does anyone hate you for no reason? I’m sure one or two people do, but I genuinely can’t care less.

what are you planning to do today? Finish my milk tea, maybe take another survey or two, eat the salted egg chips that my dad bought, and, if it cools down later in the day, take a quick nap.

play an instrument? I can play the recorder. I also memorize several songs on the piano, but the key word there is memorize lmao. I just know which keys to press due to watching covers over and over; but I can’t read notes, I don’t know which letters match which keys, have no idea what major and minor is, and I basically know absolutely nothing about using a piano.

would you go back in time if you were given the chance? Just to get closure from certain people or events. If I can go back in time I’d spend more time with my late grandpa, for one.

where did you get the underwear you are wearing right now? I’ve already forgotten.

have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an r? No. I’m an R though, heh.

have you ever passed out? Yeah numerous times. I’m a big fainter, which just sounds so uncool lmfao.

are you easily confused? Yes I feel lost quite easily. I’m often the butt of my friends’ jokes because of this, but I don’t mind hahaha.

do you think you would make a good wife/husband? I like to think that I would be, but I dunno. I’m still insanely young and I know I’ll be a completely different person with different priorities, mindset, attitude, etc., by the time I get married. It’s too early to tell.

what’s your favorite kind of ice cream? Cookies and cream. Queso real is also a really good flavor and it was my favorite for some time before my taste shifted to cookies and cream.

do you like coffee? Love coffee.

do you like summer? I like it when I get to go to the beach or when my family books trips out of town or the country, but I reeeeeally could do without the hot and sticky weather. It’s definitely not my favorite period of the year.

where were you at 8am this morning? I was asleep for half of it, then by 8:30 I was up and scrolling through Facebook.

do you fall for people easily? No. That is one thing I can’t do as a demisexual haha.

everything happens for a reason? This is usually my mindset, yes. It helps me process and accept circumstances better and much more quickly.

have you ever dated someone more than once? Yup, Gab and I have broken up before.

who have you texted in the last 24 hours? No one. Not really big on texting these days as I’ve been using Messenger to contact people throughout the quarantine.

what color nail polish is on your toes? My toes are never painted.

do you find members of the preferred sex confusing? People of any gender have the potential to be confusing. < This.

what are you listening to right now? Right now all I can hear is the work being done for the new house that’s being constructed in front of ours, so I’ll hear the occasional shoveling of stones and trucks coming in and out of the construction zone. The last music I listened to was the Presto from Summer of Vivaldi’s Four Seasons because Portrait of a Lady on Fire always makes me feel things.

how has the week been? It hasn’t been horrible, I’ll give it that. I’ve been revisiting my old fandoms out of boredom but it’s turned out to be a lot of fun; my mom brought home cupcakes at the start of the week; I had milk tea today; and we just had Kimi groomed this afternoon so his fur is all gone and now he looks like a giant rat.

is there something you wish you could tell someone but can’t? I wish I could have respectful debates with my Duterte- and/or Trump-supporting relatives, but I know that’s impossible.

what are your biggest turn offs? People who: can only hold shallow conversations, are disrespectful to those in the service industry; are casually homophobic, racist, sexist, transphobic, and/or fatphobic; take their religion way too seriously; and neglect their pets.

favorite shirt to wear? My CM Punk Best in the World shirt, without a doubt. I’ve been wearing it semi-regularly for nine years and have absolutely no intention of throwing it out.

favorite drink? Depends on my mood and the occasion. If I’m studying I’d wanna have coffee with me, if I’m casually dining at a restaurant I’d be happy with iced water, etc.

last person to say ‘i love you’ to you? Gab.

would you kiss the last person you kissed again? Yeah, but when that’s gonna happen again I still have no idea...

what’s your favorite color gummy bear? I always find myself reaching for the red ones.

what is the nicest part of the opposite sex’s body? I don’t consistently stare at a certain part of a guy’s body.

have you ever run into a dishwasher? No, those aren’t common here.

ever had a song sung about/for you? Nope.

is there a baby in the room with you right now? No, not technically. But I do consider my pets to be my babies. < Same. Kimi, now a giant rodent, is walking around the living room at the moment but he never strays too far from me.

where do you sing the most, in the car, the shower or other? CAAAAAAAAAR. This is a big reason why I miss driving, I haven’t been able to belt out in a while.

what is your favorite thing that is green? I don’t own a lot of green stuff since it’s my least favorite color...buuuuut I do have a printed flowy dress that I just love to wear, and it’s mostly olive green.

what did your last text message say? It’s an automated text from a vet clinic I went to last December telling me that I should bring Kimi back for a checkup. I appreciate the gesture but I’m not going back there after how condescending the vet was acting towards me.

what is the way to your heart? Acts of service has been my love language for the longest time.

what do you smell like? I smell nothing off of me now but I do know that I don’t smell unpleasant, because if I did I would’ve noticed it immediately and would feel more conscious.

what’s in your pocket? I don’t have any.

anything in your mouth? Not right now but I’ve been sipping milk tea with pearls all afternoon.

ever hurt yourself playing wii? Only after my first day of playing Wii Sports. It was like a workout for my tiny 10 year old body and I woke up all sore the next morning.

do you have freckles? No, not a common feature here.

what’s the last movie you saw in the theater? Knives Out.

ever jumped/fallen/been pushed in a pool with your clothes on? Noooooooooo. I feel like that’s super uncomfortable; I’ve always entered pools with a swimsuit or bikini. My glare is usually enough for people to understand that I wouldn’t appreciate being thrown into a pool while I still had clothes on.

are you wearing any clothes that you wore yesterday? Technically. I took a shower in the evening and changed into the clothes I’m wearing now, but that was in the evening so it’s not like I wore them all day yesterday.

name a song that you know all the words to: Every single Paramore song. Guaranteed.

what’s the last thing you watched on tv? If we’re really going with a physical TV, the last thing I watched was Descendants of the Sun when I used the Netflix app on our TV. The last series I watched in general was Friends.

what can you hear right now? Two fans whirring in the living room.

did you feel better or worse or the same yesterday? I’m slightly better today. I’m glad Kimi has finally been groomed since his fur had knotted up in the last couple of weeks. Plus I also have milk tea today, and that’s always a winner :)))

are you close to your siblings? With my sister, but we treat each other like buddies and are more of the tough-love type. We banter more than anything and we don’t hold heart to heart talks.

do you bite your nails? No we have a nail cutter at home that I use. If I’m going through a period of heightened anxiety I will bite my nails though.

do you like your feet? Uh, I guess. I’m not complaining about them? but I’m also not attracted to feet. Mine are just there and I’m fine with them.

do you sleep well at night? For the most part.

[benhardyisdaddy]

traveling affairs - part 1

MASTERLIST 

BenxReader

(omfg this is so long im SORRY also this is based off of the idea from mama mia 2 where she finds out the guy is engaged, but i made it my own so i hope u guys like it??? i wasn't really sure what i was doing but its super fluffy, yet obvi angsty @ the end OH AND the main character y/n is set to be an american cuz i needed that for the story plot lol ok ily all byeeee) 

Word Count: 6,340 

Traveling has been your passion ever since you can remember. Going from place to place and meeting new faces was pure passion for you. Being far away from home felt like home. So when you decided to leave home once more and make your way to England, everyone shook their heads at you.

“She’s leaving again.”

“She’s too wild for her age.”

“She needs to find a good man and settle down.”

All of these whispers seemed to be all around you constantly. It was almost deafening to you. There was a reason why you loved to be away from home and that was it. The plane ride from your home town to England took far longer than you had expected, but that gave you time to think about everything you had planned. You had successfully rented a room at a hotel for your week long stay, so you were prepared for that. You couldn’t wait to travel to a pub or finally see the Big Ben. Some would call you crazy to travel all by yourself, but you call it brave. You could handle yourself in any situation, so you know you’re okay.

It had been hours and hours until finally the pilot pops on over the intercom and speaks to tell you all that you would be landing in five minutes. You click your seatbelt on and brace yourself. The plane swoops down as the wheels slide on the pavement. You close your eyes and take deep breaths. For the amount of times you’ve flown, the take off and landing still freaked you out. The plane slowed down and eventually comes to a complete stop. It takes several more minutes, but you’re finally off of the plane. You make your way inside and retrieve your luggage as it spins around the carousel. You were officially in England and you couldn’t of been happier. You walk outside and spot a cab driver standing outside of the car. He looked at you and smiled.

“Are you waiting for someone?” you ask politely, dragging your luggage behind you.

“No, ma’am. Would you like a lift?” he asks sweetly, as he rushes up and helps you with your bags.

You tell the driver your hotel’s address and he begins driving. You look out the window at beautiful almost historical looking buildings pass by. You couldn’t believe you were here. You finally arrive at your hotel and go to pay the driver, but he puts his hands up fast.

“No, ma’am. This was one was on me. You just enjoy your stay.”

Your heart swelled up at how sweet he was. You thank him over and over as he helps get your luggage out. You had that certain charm about yourself. People were drawn to your light and you couldn’t help it. You make your way up to the hotel’s building and spot a payphone right next to the door. It was 10pm here, which means it was 5pm back home. You quickly add your coins and dial a number back home, making sure to use the right numbers.

“Yes, I’m okay. I got all of my stuff.”

You were on the phone with your worried mother as she continuously asks you questions after questions.

“Are you sure it’s the right hotel? How did you get there? Did you take a cab? Was it a male driver? You should’ve took the bus!”

You roll your eyes at her protective attitude, but smile. Her being worried made you happy that someone cared. Your mother continues to babble in your ear as you peek over to your left. Some people had walked out from the hotel and were all standing around and laughing. They looked almost intoxicated. Your eyes land on a handsome blonde man with the brightest green eyes you had ever seen. His cheeks were slightly pink from drinking and you couldn’t take your eyes off of him. You continue to stare at him as your mother speaks.

“Uh uh. Yes. Okay. Okay. Yes. Uh huh.” you say, not really listening to her.

As you’re staring at the man, he looks over to you. His face slightly falls as he catches you staring. You almost gasp as you look away suddenly. You feel your cheeks flush hot as you continue talking to your mother. You have no idea, but the man is still staring at you, a smirk pressed on his face. He watches you until you say goodbye to your mother.

“Okay, mom. I have to go get checked into my room. I’ll call you in the morning, okay?”

You say your final goodbyes and hang up the phone. You take in a deep breath and grab your luggage as you look back over to where the man was. He was still looking at you and smiles wider when your eyes catch his. You quickly smile and hurry to make your way inside. You walk up to the counter and begin getting checked into your room. You’re stood at the counter and feel a presence next to you. You look over and the blonde man is looking down at you, his arms resting in front of him.

“Hi,” he says.

You smile up to him and gently laugh.

“Hi.” you reply back.

His eyebrow goes up a bit when he hears your accent.

“Not from here, huh?” he asks, smiling.

You shake your head as the women hands you your room card. You quickly thank her and turn around to face the man.

“Was it my accent?” you teasingly ask him.

He laughs and nods his head. He watches as you begin walking away slowly, struggling with rolling your large luggage. He rushes up to you quickly.

“Would you like some help?” he asks, hoping you’d say yes.

You freeze and look at him up and down, wondering what his intentions were.

“You want to carry my luggage up to my room?” you ask, almost shocked.

The man just nods and awkwardly smiles, not knowing what to say.

“Are you going to murder me?” you bluntly ask.

His eyes go wide a bit as his face falls. He shakes his head fast.

“No, no, no!” he says over and over again.

You can’t help but give up your seriousness and laugh at him. He looked to freaked out.

“I’m joking.” you tease.

The man’s face lightly lights up as he laughs with you and nods his head.

“I would love some help actually.” you say as you let go of your luggage and begin walking to the elevator.

The man watches you quickly stroll away as he grabs your suitcase and rushes to catch up with you. You smile to yourself as you hear him hurrying. You press the elevator button and wait for it to get to you. There were fifteen stories in this hotel, it might take a moment. You’re stood facing the elevator as you feel his eyes on you. You fight back a smirk as he opens his mouth to talk.

“So what brings you here?” he asks, not knowing what to say.

You look to him quickly and then back to the elevator and shrug.

“Adventure.” you respond and say nothing more.

You were vague with all of your answers which made the man almost more crazy about you. He nods and looks away. The elevator finally makes its way to you as the doors swing open. You step inside, followed by him. The doors shut as you hit the button for floor twelve. The elevator rises up as you two awkwardly stand in there and say nothing for a moment.

“Well, you’ll enjoy your time here. It’s beautiful. Did you have any ideas of what you wanted to see first?” he asks.

You look over to him and smile. Man, was he beautiful. Your heart fluttered as you continue staring at him.

“I, uh,” you start. “As cheesy as it might sound, I really want to go to an actual pub.”

The man’s face lights up at your words and suddenly the elevator door opens up, revealing your floor. You walk off and begin heading towards room 1215.

“Not cheesy at all! Pubs are amazing,” he starts.

You get to your room and quickly insert the key to get it open. You whirl around to face him and freeze.

“Ya know, it’s okay if you say no. You don’t know me, but I was thinking…” he continues to babble on nervously and you could tell. “Maybe I could show you around? Like your own free personal tour guide. I know the best pub in town.”

You think for a moment at his idea and sweetly smile to him. He seemed like an okay guy. He hasn’t tried to rob you yet and he seemed genuinely kind. Your mother would kill you for doing this.

“Okay.” you say, reaching down to grab your luggage. “I’d like that.”

The man smiles half shocked that you said yes. He runs a hand through his hair and nods as he backs away from you, excited. You smile as he finds words to say.

“Okay, cool! So, how about tomorrow? I’m sure you’ll be jet lagged, so we can go to the pub later, yeah?” he asks.

“How about seven?” you ask, sliding your luggage inside of your room.

He nods and bites his lip as he keeps backing away from your room.

“Seven it is!” he says.

You smile and are about to enter your room when you hear him shout after you. You turn around fast and watch him walk back up to you fast.

“Wait! I don’t even know your name.”

You grin and open the door up wider.

“Y/n,” you say.

He holds his hand out for you to shake. You take it instantly.

“Ben,” he says. “Nice to meet you, y/n.”

You smile and continue to shake his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Ben.”

He smiles as your hands fall. He begins walking back to the elevator as you watch him.

“See you tomorrow at seven, y/n!” he calls out to you.

“See you tomorrow at seven, Ben!” you call back.

He steps into the elevator and looks at you with a wide smile as the doors close and he’s gone. You exhale and shut your room’s door and lean against it. You hadn’t been here for even three hours and you already had plans with a cute guy.

***

The second your head hit the pillow that night, you were out. You slept from midnight all the way until 4pm the next day. That Ben guy was right, jetlag kicked your butt. You awake from your slumber and look around. You forgot for a moment where you were, but suddenly remember the plans you had for tonight. You stretch widely as you glance over at the clock next to your bed. You had plans at seven and it was four right now. Four!? You jump from bed and scurry around to get everything around for tonight. You still had to iron some clothes, take a shower, fix your hair, do your makeup and eat a little something all in three hours. You scramble to retrieve some clothes from your luggage. You opt for a pair of your favorite jeans and a rocker tee you loved. You set your leather jacket on the bed as you hang the clothes up in the bathroom. You turn the shower on super hot, allowing the steam to naturally lift the wrinkles from your clothes. Two birds with one stone.

You take the fastest shower in your whole life and jump out quickly. You do all of the essentials as you then get dressed. You throw your hair up into a ponytail and slide your jacket on. You finish your makeup and slide your boots on. You look to the clock as it reads 6:35pm. You would’ve been done a lot earlier if your hair had cooperated better and if you hadn’t spent so much time on your makeup. You grab your purse and feel your stomach growl. You remember that the hotel offers a free cafeteria for guests so you grab the room key and make your way downstairs. You arrive on the first floor and look around. Delicious aromas catch your nose as you follow the scent. You enter the small cafeteria and spot a tray of croissants. You make your way towards them and begin nibbling on the flaky crust of one. You were nervous knowing that Ben would be here soon to retrieve you. You were nervous about what the night would hold for you. You were nervous about everything. As you’re deep in thought, you hear your name being called.

“Y/n!”

You look up and watch as a literal angel named Ben strides up to you with the biggest smile on his face. You place your pastry down and wipe your hands off. You stand up and smile back at him, holding your purse close to yourself.

“You look…” he starts, looking you up and down. “Wow.”

“I hope that’s a good wow.” you tease.

He smiles and nods his head.

“It’s a very good wow.”

Your cheeks flush at his compliments as he holds out his arm for you. You stare at it for a moment, before realizing what to do.

“Shall we?” he asks.

You intertwine your arm with his as the two of you begin walking. You catch a glare from the girl at the front desk as she stares at Ben all dreamily. You giggle to yourself as you make your way outside. It was a beautiful evening. Ben walks to the curb and raises his hand as he whistles high. You watch him impressed as a cab pulls up quickly. He opens the door for you and holds his hand out.

“After you,” he says.

You thank him as you slide inside. Ben tells the driver the address and you all begin driving.

“So,” you start. “What makes this pub the best?” you ask, curious.

Ben looks to you and smirks.

“Because I go there, of course.”

You laugh loudly as he laughs with you.

“It really is about the people though.” he explains. “Everyone there is like family. My best mate Joe owns the place. Could you imagine an American owning their own pub? It’s mad.” he teases.

Ah, an American like you. You wonder how he enjoys it so far. You could picture yourself living here honestly. It was a lot homier than you expected. The cab ride wasn’t long at all as he pulls up and stops. You go to pay the man, but Ben argues that this was his idea, so he gets to pay. You sigh and accept. He slides from the car and holds his hand out to help you. You stand up and look up at the tiny pub in between two other shops. It looked old and rustic and you were already in love. Ben watches as you stare up at it and smiles.

“Ya know, it’s even better inside.” he teases.

The two of you walk inside and instantly music is heard. There aren’t a bunch of people here and that makes you feel almost better. There’s a man behind the bar as a few others sit at it. Some people are in the back corner playing pool. Ben smiles to someone and walks to the bar. He leans forward and shakes hands with the man behind it. He looks back to you and waves you over.

“Joe, this is y/n. She’s from the states like you.”

You look to the man and my god, was everyone this guy was associated with beautiful? You blush as Joe looks you up and down and smiles.

“Nice to meet you, y/n. It’s nice to finally hear someone speak my language. Half the time, I don’t even know what these guys are saying.” he teases, causing Ben to playfully hit his arm.

“Oi!” says Ben. “Rightfully rude.”

The two of them laugh as another man swirls around on the bar stool to look at you.

“Oh, Gwil, this is y/n. Y/n, Gwil.”

Okay, this guy apparently only befriended good looking people. This is ridiculous.

“Nice to meet you.” you quickly say.

“Alright,” calls out Ben. “Let’s get this girl a pint. She needs it.”

Joe turns and begins filling up a glass mug as he slides it on the table for you.

“On the house.” he says, winking.

Your heart flutter as you take the drink and watch as the rest of them get one. Ben looks to you and holds his glass up.

“Cheers.” he says.

“Cheers.” you all say back.

You begin sipping on the drink and are surprised how delicious it is. Before you know it, your head is tilted back and you’re finishing off the drink. You take in a breath and look around. Their eyes are wide as they watch you, their drinks still full. You felt embarrassed as they looked at you as you shyly smile. Suddenly they all burst into cheers and you laugh.

“Did ya see that!?” asks Gwil, impressed.

“I’ve never seen anyone drink one that fast! You, my friend, are a legend.” says Joe.

You smile at all of them as Joe gets you another pint. For the rest of the evening you laugh and talk with the boys, sharing stories about yourselves. You mention how you want to go see the Big Ben, but before Ben can say anything, Joe does.

“Oh, I can go take you to see it! It’s amazing.”

You smile at him and nod, half disappointed that Ben hadn’t of said anything.

“I’d like that.” you say truthfully.

Ben half frowns as he gulps some more of his drink. By the time Joe was closing the bar, you were wasted and couldn’t stop laughing, but so were they. You said goodbye to the boys and set a time with Joe the next day. You two would go earlier in the evening, so you can explore more places. You and Ben stumble outside as he calls a cab once more. The two of you were talking nonsense and laughing. You slide into a cab that pulls up and give them your address to the hotel. Once you arrive, Ben gets out with you. He tells the cab to hold on as he walks you inside, your arm intertwined with his. You step into the elevator and close your eyes.

“You didn’t have to walk me all the way to my room, ya know.” you tease.

Ben half laughs and nods.

“I know. I wanted to.”

You look to him and smile. His eyes were a bit glossy, making the green really pop. The two of you stare at each other until the doors open up. You both walk out and head to your room. You dig through your purse and find your key. You open your door and turn back to Ben.

“Thank you for making my first night amazing.” you mumble.

Ben smiles and takes a step towards you.

“Well I’m just glad you said yes.” he says. “I had fun.”

Ben steps even closer to you and you freeze.

“Me too.” you whisper.

“Maybe we could do something together again.” he says, stepping even closer.

Your faces are inches apart and you can’t look away from him.

“I’d like that.”

Ben then slowly leans forward and presses his lips to yours. You slightly moan against him as your lips begin moving even faster. His hand comes up to your face and cups your cheek. You kiss for several more moments until you both break apart to catch your breath. Ben places his forehead against yours as you both smile.

“Goodnight, y/n.” he whisper.

“Goodnight, Ben.”

And with that he lets go of your hand and walks away towards the elevator. You shut your door and lean against it, placing your hand on your heart. Was this really happening? You’ve barely been here a day and you’re already starting to catch feelings for someone. You cover your face and exhale. You were drunk and needed sleep. You had to be up early.

***

You were waiting outside of your hotel as you spot a car pull up in front of you. The window rolls down and it’s Joe. He has sunglasses on and is smiling widely.

“You ready!?” he asks excited.

You giggle as you run around the car and slide inside. You can’t believe you finally get to go see the Big Ben! You’ve dreamed of this moment for forever and it was finally happening. Joe looks over to you as you stare out the window. He smiles and looks back to the road.

“So, you travel a lot?” he asks.

You look to him quickly and lean back against your seat.

“I try to.” you say. “Ever since I was a little girl, I knew that I wanted to explore the world.”

“That’s really awesome! Everyone should be able to travel to at least one new place in their lifetime.”

You nod in agreement.

“Was your dream owning a pub in England?” you ask, curious.

Joe laughs loudly and shakes his head.

“I moved down here for my best friend Stella. I met her back home and she got really sick, but she’s better now. But when it was time for me to go back home… I didn’t want to.”

He looks to you and you’re staring at him with a serious expression as you listen closely. That’s exactly how you felt now. You didn’t want to go back home and you’ve only been here two days now. You look away almost embarrassed that you were staring and nod.

“That’s how I always feel.” you admit.

You drive for several more minutes until the giant, beautiful clock comes into view. It’s almost noon, which means it’ll go off soon. Joe looks around and rushes to find a place to park. When he finally does, you hop out and rush to the sidewalk next to him. The two of you quickly get the green light to cross the road and you do. You slowly walk up to the clock and stare up at in in amazement. Suddenly, it begins chiming. The noise is loud and amazing. You smile as you look up at it and Joe watches you, smiling as well. The two of you then begin walking around and admiring it even more. Suddenly, Joe gets a call and has to answer it.

“Hello?” he asks, turning his back. “Stella, what’s wrong?”

You remember him speaking about her and look up to admire the clock even more.

“What do you mean? It’s okay, he’s probably just in a bad mood. Okay, I’ll be there.”

He hangs up and looks to you with an apologetic smile on his face.

“I’m so sorry to do this, but I have to go help my friend.”

You smile and shake your head fast.

“No, that’s so okay! I saw what I wanted to see and I can die happily now.”

Joe half laughs as the two of you walk back to the car. You make your way to the hotel as Joe constantly apologizes.

“Joe, honestly, it’s okay. You helped me see what I’ve been wanting to see since I was little, so thank you. Really.”

Joe smiles as his heart flutter. He reaches out without thinking and grabs your hand.

“Maybe we could do something together again?” he asks.

You smile to him and smirk slightly.

“Maybe.”

And with that, you jump from the car and walk inside, but not before turning around and smiling at him. You make your way to your room and decide that you want to have the rest of your day be relaxing and lazy. You watch TV for a while, take a bubble bath, write in your journal, call your mom and by seven, you decide to order room service. Your food arrives and you munch on it in bed with your fluffy white robe on. When you’re finished, you lay down and watch more TV until you fall asleep.

***

The next morning you decided that today would be a shopping day. You get around and begin walking down the busy streets. You walk past shops and make your way inside. You buy little trinkets and admire the beauty in them all. You meet some interesting people and absolutely love it here. You spend almost all of your day just exploring the town. You grab a quick bite to eat and decide to call it a day when it hits 4pm. You make your way back to your room and place your bag of goods on your bed. You’re about to change out of your clothes when your room phone rings. You look at it confused as you walk up and slowly answer it.

“Hello?”

“Y/n! Ah, good, you’re home.”

It was Ben.

You smile and sit on the bed, your stomach getting butterflies at his voice.

“Ben, hey!”

“Hey, so, I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me tonight? I know the best Italian restaurant in town and would love to show you.”

You smirk and raise a brow, your heart lightly beating faster.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” you teasingly ask.

Ben fumbles for words as he nervously finds an explanation, but fails. He exhales and half laughs.

“I, uh, guess I am.”

You giggle at his timid response and nod to yourself.

“I’d love to go to dinner with you. Italian cuisine sounds perfect.”

You can practically hear him smiling over the phone.

“Okay, awesome! I’ll come to you, in, let’s say, an hour?”

You look at your clock and once more nod.

“An hour it is.”

You both say goodbye as you begin cleaning yourself up. You search through your bag of stuff you bought and retrieve a new dress you had gotten. It was black and flowy, complimenting your figure. It had spaghetti straps that were long and thin, revealing a portion of your back. This time, you opted for your hair down. You fix up your makeup and are all ready to go. It’s been almost an hour as you make your way down to the lobby. You got stares from people as they pass by. They were admiring how beautiful you looked, but you still shied away from them. You stand in the lobby for a moment, before you watch Ben walk in. He’s dressed up in a black suit and he looks gorgeous. His eyes open wide at the sight of you. He slowly walks up and looks you up and down.

“You look…” he starts. “Wow.”

“I hope that’s a good wow.” you tease like you had that first night with him.

He laughs and nods his head, holding his hand out for you.

“I’s a very good wow.”

The two of you make your way outside as you slide into the cab that’s waiting. You talk about seeing the Big Ben as you all drive. The cab stops and you look out the window at a beautiful restaurant in front of you. Ben helps you out of the car and holds your hand as you walk in. Jazz music plays in the background as the smell of pasta fills the air. The sounds of forks hitting plates and wine glasses clinking together was music to your ears. Ben walks up to a podium and gives the women his name. She grabs some menus and quickly brings you to your table in the far back corner. It’s slightly dimmed as a candle is lit in the middle. A basket of bread waits for you as someone walks up and pours complimentary wine. You both thank them as you sip on the sweet drink. You look around and admire the design of the place. It was as if you had left England and entered Italy. Ben watches as you glance around.

“Beautiful, yeah?” he asks, placing his menu down.

You look to him and nod.

“Very.”

He watches you for a moment before taking another sip.

“So why do you really like traveling? I believe you’ve always wanted to do it, but there has to be more.”

You look to him fast and your heart drops. You sadly smile at him for a moment, before looking down at the drink in front of you.

“When I was ten, my father passed away suddenly.”

Ben’s heart breaks for you. He wasn’t expecting that.

“He was my best friend. He had been the one that encouraged me to take risks and travel. I guess I sort of use traveling as a way to get away from the bad memories my home brings.”

You feel yourself wanting to cry, but you don’t. You feel a hand slide over yours and you look up to Ben staring at you.

“Your father sounds like a brilliant man. I can tell the kind of person he was, because I can see it through you.”

This time, you let the tears fall.

“I’ve never told anyone about my father before.” you admit.

Ben feels almost special in a way now.

“Well I’m glad you did.”

You look to him and smile as the waiter walks up to take your order. For the rest of the evening, you and Ben shared even more stories about each other. You both laughed loudly at the wild ones he had to share. You drank a bunch of wine and ate a bunch of delicious food. When it was time to go, you almost dreaded it. You wanted to sit here all night and talk to him. You quickly stood as he held out his hand for you again. You smile and take it as you both walk outside. He gets another cab and you begin driving back to the hotel. You both get out and make your way to your room, without really speaking. When you finally get your door open, you turn around and thank him.

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you wanted to go.”

You smile to him and watch as he looks to the ground quickly.

“Goodnight, y/n.” he says.

But before he can turn around to walk away, you grab his arm and pull him back to you. You wrap your arms around his neck and kiss him deeply. His hands fall to your hips as he rubs them up and down. You break the kiss to catch your breath.

“Would,” you start, leaning your forehead on his. “Would you like to come in?” you ask.

Ben smiles widely and nods.

“I’d love that.”

He leans back down and attaches his lips to yours once more. You back up inside your room as he slams the door closed with his foot.

***

You wake up with your naked body tangled around Ben’s. Your head is pressed to his chest as his arm is slung over yours. You blink your eyes awake and feel his gentle breathing. You smile to yourself as you peek up at him. He looks so beautiful asleep, his mouth slightly open. You slip your figure away from his grip as you find a shirt on the floor. You quickly slip it on and make your way to the bathroom. 

You look to yourself in the mirror and clean up your face a bit. You smile at yourself and walk back in the room. You walk to make some coffee and quickly notice someone calling Ben’s phone. The name was Stella. You freeze and think back to Joe telling you of his friend named Stella, who he moved here for. That couldn’t possibly be her, right? You ignore the phone as you grab the coffee pot and begin filling it with water. Suddenly, your room phone rings, causing Ben to stir in his sleep a bit. You quickly rush to it and answer in a whisper, not wanting to wake him.

“Y/n, I’m so sorry for waking you up, but have you seen Ben?”

It was Joe. You look over at his sleeping figure and your cheeks turn red as you remember everything that happened in that bed last night.

“Um, yeah. Joe, he’s, uh… He’s here with me right now…” you slightly stutter embarrassed.

There’s a slight pause for a moment, almost making you believe he had hung up.

“What do you mean he’s there with you right now?” he asks, serious.

“We went for dinner last night and he, well, came back to my place.” you awkwardly confess.

All you hear is Joe exhale over the phone.

“Is something wrong?” you ask quickly.

“Y/n,” starts Joe. “Ben’s engaged to Stella. You remember my friend I was telling you about? I… I didn’t realize there was anything between you two. He’s engaged.”

You look to Ben fast and your heart drops. He’s engaged? He’s engaged! An engaged man took you on a date. An engaged man slept with you. An engaged man made you fall for him. The phone slowly slips from your hand as it falls. You hear Joe calling out for you, but no response. The line goes dead as you walk up to the side of the bed.

“Ben.” you say loudly, causing him to stir awake.

He looks around and blinks a few time before settling on you. He smiles widely and stretches as he yawns.

“Morning, beautiful. Hope you’re not too sore.” he smirks.

Your stomach turns at his words. He quickly realizes the sad and angry look on your face. His face falls as he sits up.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, almost nervous.

“You’re engaged.” you barely whisper, but he hears you.

He freezes and says nothing. He’s frozen as you continue to sadly stare at him.

“Her name’s Stella and you’re engaged to her. Is that true?” you ask.

Ben’s quiet a moment longer until he gently nods his head yes. You gasp as you cover your mouth and turn your back towards him. You felt disgusting, knowing you had just slept with another woman’s fiance. Ben jumps up from the bed and rushed over to you.

“I’m so sorry. I should’ve told you! I don’t love her, y/n. I feel more with you over these past few days, then I have with her for four years.”

Four years. You close your eyes and tense your jaw.

“Get out.” you whisper.

Ben takes a step back at your demand.

“You lied.” you say, looking at him as tears pool in your eyes.

He looks absolutely heartbroken, which almost makes you feel bad, but you push that feeling away.

“You’re engaged and yet we…” you close your eyes and exhale, feeling almost sick. “Get out.” you say again.

“Y/n, please. You have to believe me. Her and I aren’t working out and she knows it.”

You look to him fast and begin to get upset.

“Is she still wearing the ring!?” you ask loudly.

Ben thinks for a moment then slowly nods.

“Then get out!” you shout, as you walk over to the door and open it up. Ben grabs his stuff and slowly walks into the hallway.

“I’m going to prove to you just how much I really do like you, okay? I promise. You’ll see.”

Ben’s eyes are watery as he walks away from you. You shut the door and began sobbing. You were so angry at him and yourself. You look around your room and rush around, picking up all of your stuff. You didn’t want to be here any longer. You wanted to leave and go home. You pack up all of your things and get around. You buy a ticket for home and take a deep breath. You were packing up your last item when your phone rings. You thought it would be Ben, so you were skeptical to answer, but you did.

“Hello?” you ask, tired.

“Y/n?”

It’s Joe.

“I’m so sorry about everything. I didn’t realize the two of you-” he starts.

“No, Joe. It’s okay. I had no idea about any of this, so thank you. I’m, uh, I’m actually leaving to go back home today. I just bought a ticket.”

You hear Joe almost gasp.

“You’re leaving today?” he asks shocked. “You still have a few days left though.”

You nod and feel tears starting to fall once more.

“I know,” you say as your voice breaks a bit. “I just need to go.”

“Y/n, wait!” he calls out, before you can hang up. “I have an idea.”

***

It was nearing dark when Ben frantically arrived to the pub. He storms inside and spots Gwil sitting at the bar, sipping a beer. He rushes up and looks around.

“Have you or Joe spoken to y/n?” he asks, worried. “I need to tell her something important.”

Gwil looks at him and frowns.

“Mate, you didn’t hear?” he asks.

Ben furrows his brows a bit and shakes his head.

“Y/n left back to the states and Joe went with her.”

Ben felt as if he could fall over. You left to go home and you took Joe. Ben stumbles as he catches himself. Gwil stands up to make sure his friend is okay.

“Ben, you alright?” he asks concerned.

Ben nods and looks around once more.

“Who’s- Who’s watching the pub?” he asks.

“Joe left me in charge. Ben, are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been through a lot today.”

That he has. Ben nods and sits down, his eyes still wide in shock. You left. You didn’t even tell him goodbye, but why should you have. Joe went with you. Joe. He was so confused and angry at himself.

“I heard what happened earlier,” starts Gwil, patting Ben on the shoulder. “Breakups, especially with fiances, are hard. You’ll meet someone like Stella one day.”

Ben looks to him and sadly nods.

“Yeah,” he starts. “One day.”

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[221bshrlocked]

Security Check (2)

Security Check Masterlist

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Words: 1737

Warnings: None yet. Some swearing.

A/N: Lols I’m still fucked. He’s so fucking kind. Anyway, here’s part 2. I won’t see my boo for a whole eleven days and I am saddened. Yall I literally saw him again before I leave and he was without the cane so I asked him if he was feeling better and he said not really but he doesn’t need to use the cane so maybe a bit better and I said well at least you’re feeling just a bit better AND THEN SAID THE SAME FUCKING THING AGAIN WHEN HE SMILED AND SAID YEAH, AND BECAUSE I HAVE NO CHILL I TOLD HIM I LIKED THE CANE CAUSE IT LOOKED COOL AND HE JUST CHUCKLED AWKWARDLY BEFORE WALKING AWAY. Someone. Anyone. Why am I like this??? Help me be less awkward. I can flirt with humans I am not interested in but as soon as it’s someone I like, it’s like elementary level of English.

Previous Part | Next Part

You went home right after the second incident, the second being you acting like a complete dick to a man who was clearly just doing his job. You’d called Paul and asked him to explain to you who he was and when he told you what his job was, you kicked yourself in the head. For a genius, you sure were a complete moron. Of course he was the director of security for the gala. Of course you’d made a horrible impression on him when he was just doing his fucking job. Of course you had to be a dick to the one person you thought of as attractive in god knows how long.

Yeah. There it was. That’s what pissed you off. It wasn’t that he yelled at you, well, that’s a lie. It was partially because of that. But now that you gave it some thought, you realized you’d been angry because of how fucking gorgeous he was and the fact that you were so rude to him without giving him time to explain. He definitely tried numerous times but here you were with your stupid ego ruining one of the few good things which happened to you in awhile.

Paul had asked if he would send you his file and you refused, knowing it was best to talk to the man himself about the job and not sneak around. Also, for some odd reason, you felt a bit creepy when you heard yourself agreeing with Paul. No you couldn’t possibly ask for his file. You’d talk to him, and besides, that would give you a window to apologize for your own behavior and maybe discuss work related things.

Yeah. Work related. Who were you trying to fool?

So when you came in the next day for lectures, and saw him standing with Emelie at the front doors, you groaned to yourself. Why now? The day didn’t even start yet.

You were about to put on a smile and talk to him when a student stopped you, asking about the paper you assigned a week prior. Telling her to accompany you to your office, you walked past the two of them and smiled, nodding towards him and saying ‘good morning’ to your friend. When you were past the doors, he turned to Emelie.

“Is she always this...like-”

“Hardass? Not always I can assure you. She’s actually one of the nicest people here, and honestly, one of the most intelligent. So she has a reason when she does get a little annoyed. I’m sure she’ll come around at some point. Just give her time.” Emelie said and watched as the man’s expression change and she couldn’t quite understand what he was thinking.

But when he smiled, she hoped his mind was where she thought it was.  

A few hours later, you were heading out for lunch with a pile of paperwork when you almost bumped into someone.

“Oh god I’m so sorry I didn’t see you coming.” You were about to lean down and pick up your notebook when you recognized the voice of the man.

“That’s okay. I was just looking for you.” He was much quicker than you, grabbing your stuff and gently placing them in your arms.

Clearing your throat, you fixed your glasses and looked at him.

“How can I be of assistance Mister?” You still didn’t know his name, motioning for him to walk with you.

“Oh, it’s Bucky. Just Bucky.” He rubbed his hands nervously before falling in step with you.

“Well, Bucky, how can I help?” You hoped your voice wasn’t as sarcastic as normal.

“I was talking to Paul and he told me there were some things I should run by you first before I went ahead with anything. Did I catch you at a bad time? I can come back later when you’re free.” He was being so fucking nice and you almost groaned in frustration from how you treated him earlier.

“Well, I was going to grab something quick to eat. Do we need to be downstairs or can we talk over lunch?” You slowed down and turned to face him, noticing the scruff peppering his handsome features and you wondered how it would feel if you just touched it. The thought freaked you out and you hoped it wasn’t as obvious on your facial expression as it was in your mind.

“Oh umm, yeah sure that would be great. If you don’t mind?” You sensed his reluctance but didn’t mention anything, shaking your head and telling him it was absolutely fine.

“So, how did you learn about the gala?” You didn’t know what else to ask, knowing one of you had to start the small talk and it was definitely not going to be him. He’d already had to say so much to you in the last twenty-four hours.

“I was actually hand-picked for the job. Curtsy of Tony.” Bucky said non-chalantly and saw the confused look in your eyes, unable to hold back a smile because he genuinely thought it was the cutest expression he’s ever seen.

“Tony?” You inquired.

“Tony Stark!” You almost dropped your stuff again at the clarification and Bucky raised an eyebrow at your obvious surprise.

“The Tony Stark? The actual Tony Stark?” You thanked him when he opened and held the door for you, clutching your things tightly as you stared at him with wide eyes.

“Yeah. Is- is that a problem?” His amused expression fell when he thought he said something wrong, not wanting to get off on the wrong foot with you again.

“Oh no no not at all. I just wasn’t expecting- I mean, I guess you must be exceptional at what you do to have the man place you on the job himself. He’s only donated a couple of million dollars to the museum and several others for our projects. Sorry I didn’t mean for my question to come off like that.” You tried to explain yourself, smiling at him and noticing his shoulders relax.

Ordering your regular coffee and sandwich, you were about to pay when Bucky stepped forward and told you he got it.

“Please you don’t have to.”

“I want to. Consider this an official apology.” Bucky winked at you and you almost lost your cool at the gesture. He ordered a black coffee and the same pastry you asked for. You found a table and placed your stuff, eyes lingering on his back for far too long to your liking. How bipolar can you get?

He turned around and saw you look away immediately, smiling and pretending he didn’t just notice you checking him out. He pulled the chair in front of you and started to ask you several questions about the schedule of the gala and your preferences for where he placed the guards since a few important businessmen and political figures were planning on attending.

“I’m going to be honest with you Bucky, I haven’t the faintest idea about security or the preferred individuals and places you’re mentioning. I think it would probably benefit everyone if you are placed in charge of everything and not have someone like me get in your way. I do appreciate you coming to me for questions though.” You took a sip of your coffee and waited for him to respond. When he continued to say nothing, you thought you’d said something wrong.

“I just don’t want to tell you how to do your job. It’s as if you came to me and started telling me how to teach my courses.”

Bucky took a bite from his croissant and blinked at you.

“I’m going to be honest, I did not expect such a response from you. I’ve seen a lot in my field and not much surprises me anymore but you, you just continue to knock me on my ass darling.” Bucky gave you that dashing smile again, leaning forward and crossing his hands in front of you.

You couldn’t tell if you were angry that he called you ‘darling’ or the fact that you liked it and wanted to hear it again.

“A-and let’s face it, I’ve experienced your skills firsthand.” You tried to make things a little less awkward, not realizing that you just made them worse when he caught onto the innuendo.

“Believe me Y/N, you haven’t,” he leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms, noticing your eyes shifting to how tightly his jacket clung to his arms. Swallowing the lump in your throat, you tried to not seem too affected by his words, but then he finished his drink and whispered one more thing before he stood up.

“Yet.” Bucky threw his trash away and asked if you were finished with your food, taking it when you just nodded before asking you if you were returning to the museum.

“No I ummmm, there’s still some stuff I need to finish.”

“I’ll leave you to it then Doctor. It was a pleasure talking to you.” Bucky’s eyes shifted from your nervous hands to where your feet pointed. He noticed the pulse violently beating at your neck and watched sweat forming right above your eyebrows.

As soon as he made eye contact, your pupils dilated, and your tongue peaked out, wetting your lower lip before it returned to its place.

All the signs were there. Now he needed to have you admit it to yourself.

“Thank you Bucky. I look forward to working with you.” You managed to say without stuttering.

Bucky nodded before walking away, already thinking of his next move with you.

You tried to calm yourself from the encounter and found it much harder than you thought. Bucky was much worse than you thought, in that he was way more charming and you wished you could be angry at him. But you loved the attention, especially from a guy like him. You loved how flirtatious he was and you craved having him near you. And the more you thought about it, the more you realized how much you wanted to be at his mercy.

And you had to take a step back from that last thought because you realized it was this exact reason that caused your anger yesterday. You weren’t defensive because he disrespected you. You were defensive because this was the first time someone almost took control of you. And you enjoyed it.

[jichew]

college!hyunsuk au♡part one

a/n: hello!!! this is my first fic on here so please go easy on me bc it’s kind of slow and long :,) I rushed it a bit bc i wanted to get it up before the last episode airs :/// also feel free to leave requests or just drop in to talk! i would love more ygtb mutuals! (also i was going to make this a full on lovers au but it got too long so i just left it like this, but if i get enough requests, i will be more than willing to make a part 2!)

so you’re a freshman at college(✿◠‿◠)

while you’re absolutely in love with what college has to offer,,,,you’re dreading the start of classes

esp when it’s your first semester and you have no idea how to navigate the campus

and that, my friends, is how you realize it will take 15 minutes to get to a 9 AM that starts in 10 minutes (a/n this is a true story lol)

and while you could easily just skip this class and call it a day, you are A GOOD STUDENT ＼＼\\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

so you double knot your shoelaces and run across that mf campus

thankfully, you make it right as the clock hits 9... though you didn’t realize that this was a 300 student general chem lecture

it really b like that sometimes y/n ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

so you’re left to slide into one of the rows at the very back of the hall, which is thankfully empty

...

save for the mop of blonde hair that is passed out in the seat next to you

of course, you don’t have the time to pay attention to the boy beside you because you’re prof has already started lecturing

before you know it, class is over

surprisingly enough, at 9:50 on the dot, the boy shoots his head up, ruffles his hair, grabs his backpack and briskly exits the lecture hall room, sparing you a brief nod

if you weren’t stressed enough that you have 20 minutes to grab breakfast and run back across campus for class, maybe you would have taken time to notice how cute the boy was - but you have a class to get to

so fast fwd two days,,, you’re basically a pro at this whole college thing

or so you thought

you find your self double knotting your shoelaces again and running across campus to reach your 9 AM chem lecture again

at this point,,,you’ve accepted your fate and you dejectedly slide next to the passed out boy in the back row

so now that this is your second class, you’re prof is actually lecturing (and blondie beside u is still asleep)

after a grueling hour of basic chem review,   you have about three pages of notes

and it isn’t until 5 minutes before you’re dismissed that blondie finally takes the time to wake up

you resist the urge to giggle seeing his slightly frazzled state - hair puffed out, half lidded eyes and pouty lips (✿´ ꒳ ` )

and maybe you would have,,,if he didn’t hurriedly look over at you and ask if he could borrow your notes

and as much as you despise people who don’t pay attention in class and ask for other peoples’ notes ,,,,, who are you to resist those puppy dog eyes                    

。・°°・(＞_＜)・°°・。

so,,,, you reluctantly hand him over the notes

but not without giving him a piece of your mind ＼＼\\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

“don’t forget to bring them back next class,,,and maybe a coffee too so you can stay awake”( ◠‿◠ )

y/n, you really are too nice

so it’s finally friday,,,,but you have that cursed 9 am yet again

and while you’re able to make it early this time around, you willingly sit in the back row

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

and much to your surprise,,, in comes blondie, fully awake, an iced coffee in each hand

he moves into his seat beside you, setting down one of the coffees on your desk

“i don’t really know what girls like, so i just decided to get you the same thing as me! as a thank you for letting me borrow your notes”

speaking of notes, he quickly sets down his coffee and his backpack and takes out your notes, setting those on your desk as well

and this whole time, you’re just like,,,,,,,,, (●´ω｀●)

and he’s staring at u with this goofy smile on his face like,,,,(๑･̑◡･̑๑)

if it were socially acceptable, you would have squished his little cheeks right then and there

but all you can manage to get out is a small smile, mumbling an “anytime” under your breath

and as much as you enjoy the company of another person in this large lecture hall,,,blondie talks a lot

but also you can’t bring yourself to mind bc he’s not all that bad at chem (and he looks cute when he talks with his lips all pouty but don’t tell him you said that(๑>◡<๑))

so it’s been about a month at college and you’re actually getting the hang of things this time

also,,,blondie has officially stopped falling asleep in class

surprisingly, you both have become quite the pair ٩( ᐛ )و

you learned that his name is hyunsuk, he’s a sophomore, and he’s part of a dance team (hence why he can’t help but fall asleep during chem lecture)

while you guys don’t interact outside of class, it’s nice to have someone to make small talk with in the morning

and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to boop his cute nose on several occasions (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

so while studies are great and all,,,,it’s been a month and you have done next to nothing besides stressing over classes and sleeping

so, your friends (yes y/n, you do have friends) decided to have a little gno to celebrate surviving a month of college

shimmying into a pair of black jeans, a cute top, jean jacket and some heels, you’re ready to TAKE ON THE TOWN

and like not to brag but u look hot

you really know how to strut your stuff y/n

so when ur friends were like gno!!!! you expected something cute like going to get dinner in the city or something

you did NOT expect to find yourself in a frat party

like,,,,,you’ve never been to one of those cheap high school parties much less a college frat party

so like,you’re kind of freaking out inside bc tight areas filled with sweaty bodies and the stench of alcohol are NOT your thing

(　˙-˙　)

your friend mina is like,,,

“come on y/n, it’s part of the college experience!!!”

but you’re like,,,

“the only experience i need is sleeping past my alarm” ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

nonetheless, mina resorts to dragging you into the house

so somehow, you guys make it to the kitchen

and while you’re still against the idea of being here, at least it’s slightly more breathable in the kitchen

while u can finally breathe, you also realize mina is GONE

u quickly scan the kitchen and thankfully find her ,,,,, w some tall dinosaur looking dude??

she motions you over so you slide through some bodies to make your way over to the pair

“y/n!!! this is my friend byounggon! he owns this place!”

“hey, you can call me gon!”

the dude does a little nod and smiles at you ,,, and then u notice how close him and mina are actually standing next to each other

her hand on his arm...the little smile he gives her...

and you’re like

“OH ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)”

“you know,,,i’ll leave you guys to hang out for a bit while i go explore the place”

but not so fast,,,you have friends who care about your safety :,)

gon is all like

“no wait! mina told me this was your first party so i’ll have one of my frat brothers watch over you”

he turns his head back calling out a name that’s unintelligible over the sound of the music playing throughout the house

“y/n! this is my friend -“

“HYUNSUK???”

“Y/N!!!”

obviously you’re a bit startled to see the blonde boy in a setting that’s not the chem lecture hall

and maybe you’re even more startled by how good he looks - silk shirt, silver jewelry littering his ears and hair styled

and maybe he thinks the same with the way his eyes briefly glaze over your full body

but ,,,, mina and gon:??????

“you guys know each other?”

you’re the first to snap out of your reverie, hyunsuk’s eyes still glued to you

“uhh yeah we sit next to each other in chem lecture”

gon: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

“ahhh...so you’re THAT y/n”

“THAT y/n”

“yeah, it means -“

“NOTHING”

(hyunsuk’s quick to interrupt when he’s about to get exposed (¬_¬))

“he means nothing lol”

anyway,,,gon’s like “yeah so we’ll leave you guys to it”

and you’re just looking back in dejection bc ur friends left u :,(((

when you turn back around hyunsuk has a bit of an apologetic look on his face

“first party?” he cocks his head to the side , puppy dog eyes waiting for an answer

“yeah,,,, i never really took you for the frat boy type”

hyunsuk does a little boyish smirk before saying

“there’s a lot things you don’t know about me babe”

and then he’s lightly grabbing your wrist and taking you to god knows where

the next thing you know, you guys are out on a balcony

and you’re like

\( ˆoˆ )/ fresh air!!!!

hyunsuk: (*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)

so you’re just like

staring at the sky

and u feel a little gaze boring into the side of your head

so you look over to see hyunsuk staring at you with his head cocked to the side

and he has this little smile on his lips

and you have no clue why he’s smiling but it makes your tummy do ~that thing~

but ALSO ,,, you’re trying to play it cool

so you cock your head back at him

and he stares at you for a little longer

and GIGGLES

THIS BOY HAS THE AUDACITY TO GIGGLE AT YOU

DOESNT HE KNOW WHAT THAT DOES TO A GIRL’S HEART

hshsbahaheiskeksoal

“why are you giggling??”

he does a little shrug and looks over at you

“you’re cute”

(((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))♡

lmao he really just had to take all your uwus

the moment kind of ends when you get a text from mina saying she went home w gon,,,

you both know what that means( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

but also now you don’t have a ride back to your dorm

i mean you probably guessed what’s going to happen now

gentleman suk decides to walk you back to your dorm

despite it being chilly, it’s still a nice walk

you both walk in a comfortable silence,, heads turned to avoid the other seeing the  little smile on each’s face

and you don’t say anything when you feel the tips of hyunsuk’s warm fingers entangling into your own

and he doesn’t say anything when you bid him goodnight with a kiss on the cheek

and you know that you have more than friendly feelings for the sleepy blondie in your chem class

[jbuffyangel]

Timeless 2x11 Reaction: “The Miracle of Christmas Part 1 and 2″

And thus Timeless is officially over. How did the writers fair with the series finale aka The Timeless movie? Pretty freakin’ fantastic.

Let’s dig in...

It’s been several months between Timeless’ Season 2 finale and their series finale tonight, so the writers wisely include a “Previously on Timeless.” We flashback to all their adventures while Unhappy Future Lucy (who looks a little scary if I’m being honest) narrates. It helps because I seriously forgot her mother is dead. (They kill Susanna Thompson on every damn show!)

The beginning is a little jarring because storylines I expected to happen in a season or two are all happening RIGHT NOW. My brain needs time to downshift, but I eventually adjust.

First things first - dealing with the third point in the love triangle, Garcia Flynn. Timeless isn’t interested in drawing out the shipper war because Wyatt and Lucy are kind of a mess. They require some screen time so they are fixed in a realistic manner. 

Scary Future Lucy gives Present Day Lucy and Wyatt her diary. Spoiler alert: Lucy hooks up with Flynn. Spoiler alert: They break up sometime down the road because she is really in love with Wyatt. They play out Lucy and Flynn’s entire relationship in under 3 minutes. I’m not joking when I say they breeze through three to four seasons worth of triangle.

I love Goran Visnjic, and while I adore Lucy and Wyatt, I was never opposed to Lucy and Flynn. I mean yeah he’s a murderer. That’s a real negative, but it’s friggin Goran Visnic. Have you seen this guy? He’s so hot. Where Dr. Luca goes so goes my nation.

Kidding aside, the writers convey the depth of Lucy and Flynn’s relationship with just a few lines, which is an impressive writing achievement. I love how Flynn is all “I can’t believe you date me because I tried to kill you a bunch of times.” HAHAHA. Classic. And true! Ah the joy of television romance. But it ain’t gonna be you Flynn, so mosey along big fella. 

Jessica is not pregnant. UGH. I HATED THIS STORYLINE SO MUCH. 

I appreciate the writers giving it a fast and hard death, but this is one of the ways I think Season 2 went wrong. Timeless is a show that defied the typical television tropes and that’s what made it so interesting in Season 1.  However, I think their Season 2 renewal, and desire to snare more viewers, created a “throw everything, but the kitchen sink” mentality. 

They used every romance trope they could think of in Season 2 to see what would stick. It was just... not good. I don’t blame Timeless anymore than I do any other show that does this (and it’s pretty much all of them). It was just disappointing to see the show move in this direction, when previously they’d been so good at avoiding those kinds of storylines.

Flynn sacrifices himself by going back to 2012 to kill Jessica, so Rufus never dies. REDEMPTION ARC BITCHES!!! YESSSS!! 

Seriously, he is so bad ass. Flynn puts a couple bullets in Jessica (plus one extra to be sure) after a ninja knockdown fight. He knows the effects of traveling to his own timeline will kill him... or something. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. Then he watches 2012 Flynn with his beautiful and living family through a window before he dies. 

Flynn leaves a goodbye letter for Lucy that pretty much says he loves her, but he knows she loves Wyatt and he wants her to be happy. So yes, GARCIA FLYNN sacrifices himself for Rufus, ensures Lucy and Wyatt find the happy ending they deserve even though he is in love with Lucy, helps stop Rittenhouse and save the world. I AM SO EMO ABOUT MY BOY RIGHT NOW!

As for Lucy and Wyatt, they tiptoe around each other for most of the two hours. Wyatt thinks she ends up with Flynn and Lucy doesn’t want to be second choice. They are the only two who remember the Jessica history. Dear God, can we all forget too? Everyone is pretty much, “Why aren’t y’all together because y’all were together before and it was perfection?” So meta.

Wyatt almost dies in an explosion while delivering a baby during the fall of North Korea. Yes, you read that correctly. WYATT LOGAN IS HERE TO SAVE NATIONS AND DELIVER BABIES!

Lucy realizes she almost lost Wyatt and they are wasting time worrying about the past. 

This part of the finale feels really predictable to me. There’s no way they are killing off Wyatt, especially after Flynn dies. Lyatt is endgame, so the two characters dancing around it for so long feels like prolonging the inevitable.

“After that explosion I thought you were dead. And for a moment I saw my whole life without you and my world ended Wyatt.”

But damn though, what a speech Lucy gives him. 

Honestly, it is slightly annoying she did most of the talking because Wyatt is the one who screwed up. At least he offers up a “I wanted to pick you Lucy, but I felt I owed Jessica because she was my baby mama” explanation. Of course, we all knew this. 

Lucy accepts Wyatt’s “I am a big pine tree” explanation because facts. Things really get cooking with some Lyatt mistletoe kissing. 

Source:  sisterzelda

Ah, a time honored holiday trope I will never grow tired of. Then they have sex

BUT CUT AWAY TOO SOON! Boo NBC!

Rufus is alive, but doesn’t remember being dead. Jiya remembers Rufus being dead, but he doesn’t remember Jiya living in Chinatown for three years in the 1800s. I think. 

Jiya is concerned she’s no longer the woman Rufus fell in love with (re: see three years of trauma). I argue Rufus fell in love with a bad ass and Jiya is still most certainly one. It is frustrating how quickly they had to go through her physical and emotional trauma from Chinatown. Ugh, this is some seriously important drama that could have been a multiple season deep dive. Stupid cancellation.

Rufus and Jiya realize they are still perfect for each other, because they are perfect for each other. They start a company together and become billionaires saving the world. Jiya’s hair color is extremely pretty in the final scenes too. I feel this is very important detail to include. I heart them. 

Source:  katie-mcgraths

Lucy and Wyatt discuss how they don’t want to become scary Lucy and Wyatt from the future and THEY DON’T BECAUSE OF FLYNN. They get married, Wyatt works for Agent Christopher on special projects, and Lucy is a tenured history professor who focuses on important historical women. BECAUSE THERE AIN’T NO TIME FOR THE MEN! That’s right fellas. Drink your tea and wait your turn.

Unfortunately, Lucy is not able to get her sister Amy back. She gives an poignant speech about grief and loss, which could be the show’s mission statement. This is how you write a series finale:

"Everybody loses someone they love. And no matter how badly they want to they can't get them back. In spite of that they find a way to go on. That's everyone's history." 

What connects all of time is our humanity. We are born. We live. We love. We suffer grief, pain and loss. We find joy. We endure. This is the thread century after century. In the end, we aren’t so different after all. 

THEN LUCY AND WYATT GET MARRIED 

Source: @splitscreen

AND HAVE TWIN GIRLS NAMED FLYNN AND AMY. 

Source: @splitscreen​

ALERT!!!!!!!!!! MULTIPLES CONCEIVED! IT IS THE DREAM! EVERYTHING IS AMAZING!!!! 

The final scene is 2023 Lucy, Wyatt and Rufus traveling to 2014 to tell Garcia Flynn about the time machine. Lucy tells Flynn he doesn’t lose his humanity even though he never gets his family back. He is the hero the team and the world needs in the end. It connects the beginning and end of Timeless so seamlessly. This was probably always going to be the bookend. I just wish we had a few more seasons in between it.

They hint at a future time machine being invented by a young girl Rufus took an interest in at the science fair. The morality of the time machine is debated between Agent Christopher and Connor. She wants to destroy it, but Connor argues they need to keep it so they can stop others from abusing its power. You can’t un-invent something. Someone sooner or later will create the same technology Connor and Rufus did. They have a responsibility to make sure time travel is not abused and another Rittenhouse does not rise. So, the time machine is kept, covered, guarded and waiting.

Do I think we’ll see a resurrected Timeless about this girl and her time machine? No. I don’t. This is the last stop on the Timeless train and, while it was a wonderful ride, it is over. Actors are released from contracts. Writers, producers, crew, etc have all moved on to other gigs. It’s a freaking miracle they even made the movie. (Apropos episode title).

Timeless approached the series finale the correct way, which is what’s important to me. They didn’t leave a bunch of loose ends. The world was saved and I saw all our beloved characters living their happy lives in peace. I need to know these characters are going to be okay, so I can say goodbye. 

Thank you Timeless for the insightful way you approached history, your cast of wonderful characters, humor and unflinching honesty. I look forward to the streaming deal so I can rewatch again and again.

Source:  yasmin-khan

Stray Thoughts

The finale is one EPIC Lucy speech after another. My girl runs this show.

Nobody was dressed appropriately for a North Korea winter. 

It looked like the mother threw her newborn into Wyatt’s arms as her son came running to her. LOL Nice catch, soldier.

"I've loved you since the Alamo." Girl is that ever right. 

Don't mock. Saint Christopher is for REAL. He has helped me out of many jams.

Hahaha. Wyatt said m'am. That's how you know it's the end.

[smallerinfinities]

Shawn Weekend 2k18 🌸

Okay, so, most of you know that this weekend I saw Shawn twice in 24 hours. Once in El Paso and once in Austin at ACL. My sister, who hates planes and has an anxiety disorder and claustrophobia, is a fucking CHAMP for doing all of this with me.

This is the crazy tale (WITH PHOTOS).

Saturday morning, my sister and I got up and headed to the airport after like four hours of Friday ACL (we saw Khalid and Hozier). Everything actually ran smoothly with no delays (something I was freaking out about when I planned this whole adventure). We got there and got ready at the hotel and left for the venue about 30 minutes before doors opened.

First thing, UTEP was not prepared for this. It was after the show start time before I got into the building. To accommodate poor planning, the show didn't actually start until 8. The crowd was a good mix of people and the arena was so small that there wasn't really a bad seat in the house, though I definitely want to argue that our seats were Special™️ because we were basically at Shawn's eye level the whole time. Example:

So, the show starts. He played the long festival set that we’re all familiar with at this point, but when “Youth” was up next, he brought out Khalid. Khalid is from El Paso. THE ARENA BLEW THE FUCK UP. My eardrums were vibrating hard. Like, Hometown Hero is an understatement I thought my hearing was officially dunzo. They sang “Youth” together and then Khalid sang “Young Dumb & Broke” and Shawn looked like the happiest boy in the world watching his friend fucking own the stage. It was my favorite part of the night, tbh, just watching Shawn be stupid happy. 

Highlights included: lighting the whole arena with cell phone lights for “Never Be Alone,” the “Bad Rep” high note, hearing “Ruin” live for the first time, and getting to do the “woahhhh, ohhhh, ohhh, ohhhh” in IMB. OH AND HEARING “FALLIN’ ALL IN YOU” LIVE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DO IT AT ACL! 

After the show, I was LIT. Like, we had an 8 AM flight. I didn’t go to bed until after 2 and my alarm went off at 6. But, I felt nothing. I should have been a zombie but I was so amped for the festival, his LAST FESTIVAL TOUR SET, that I was living on adrenaline. So, we boarded the plane and I put some glitter and shit on my face. We went straight to the festival grounds, rolling up to the Honda Stage at 11:30. There were already girls all along the barricade, but we were right next to the center aisle barricades and about 12 people deep from the corner. 

Y’ALL IT WAS SO FUCKING HOT. It had rained in the morning so it was about 85% humidity and 89 degrees so the heat index was 99-100 degrees all damn day and by the changeover after X Ambassadors, we were all completely pressed against each other, back to front (this weekend has taught me that Shawn fans are actually nice and considerate people at festivals because we all kept tabs on who was there before and let them back in when they left but didn’t allow people who just pushed their way in through), but we’d all been there for so long that we’d talked and stuff. We all became close personal friends after several hours lol (the people around me got there around the same time and we all stood NO SITTING OR PEEING OR MOVING FOR 7 1/2 HOURS).

There was a final push when he came on and THE SOUND WAS FUCKING INSANE THERE WERE SO MANY PEOPLE THERE.

He came on stage and you could feel the energy though...like the people and just knowing it was the last festival set, idk like you could tell Shawn was living his best life at that moment. SO SMILEY. SO SWEATY. Everyone was going all out.

(I already posted some of these but I don't care they're too good LOL)

I tried to not use my phone as much at ACL since I'd seen the set the night before and taken photos but the "Ruin" crowd run was a MUST. IT WAS SO FUCKING CRAZY WHEN HE CAME DOWN THE AISLE. PEOPLE WERE PUSHING SO HARD.

But I was prepared with my photo burst (that I promptly forgot about until TODAY IN THE CAR WHEN I OPENED IT UP AND FOUND THE GOD OF ALL PHOTOS)

FUCKING LOOK AT HIMMM

(I cried in the car when I realized I got him that close)

He wasn't a headliner so he played an abridged long set without "Fallin' All In You" and "Never Be Alone." The "Youth" intro guitar shred was a highlight for me because he didn't do it the night before and experiencing the crowd participation stuff in a crowd that large was UNREAL. Like, IMB was really special. My sister cried.

(This one with his hand on his chest really kills me.)

During WWYITM, I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD WE HAD A MOMENT. I held up my hand and did the toddler wave at him while no one around me had their hand up and HE WAVED BACK AT ME WITH THE SAME WAVE. I do not have evidence of this and my friends keep trying to take it away from me but NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME THAT THE WAVE WAS NOT FOR ME. Like, FUCK OFF AND LET ME HAVE THIS.

IT WAS ALL SO, SO GOOD. Like, he was in white and buttons were unbuttoned and he was sweaty as hell like the rest of us...I mean I'll never do a music festival again because fuck the stress basically killed me and my body might not ever recover...but I'm so glad I did all of it because it's something that I'll never forget.

After Shawn ended, I found/met for the first time @the-claire-bitch-project (HI CLAIRE!!!) and she stood by while I talked my sister through a panic attack because the Arctic Monkeys people wouldn't let us out as they pushed forward (I cannot tell you how much I love her for loving me enough to put herself through all of this for me).

On the way home I had a couple of breakdowns because just the whole thing was so overwhelming. Like, he's so great. He's so perfect. I was close enough to see his face and his smile and his eyes and I just....I don't know how I survived. I might not have. I might be posting from the grave.

I don't think I'm ever going to get over this weekend. It was the most physically and emotionally exhausting thing I've ever done. I woke up at 3 AM and cried because my arms were in so much pain. My body absolutely hates me, but my inner and outer fangirl has been screaming for DAYS. To top it off, I pulled over on my way home today at noon to buy tickets to Jingle Ball in Dallas...because he brings out the true crazy in me.

To end, I give you the first photo of Shawn and I which will be featured heavily at our wedding 😂 BYEEEEEEEEEE.

[skia-oura]

Orange Lilies 12/12

A/N: Here we are, at the conclusion. Thank you all for taking this journey with me!

Prologue // Previous

Ao3

What comes after.

Epilogue

           Tommy Hangar, while late-night dusting, absentmindedly turned on the TV to a ‘breaking news’ report about some disaster in Kabul. She paid it little mind—it was just for background noise, after all—until she heard the magic phrase, “Alcor the Dreambender,” and then suddenly she was Very Invested in this cover story. Tommy dropped the Everlasting Handheld Dustmop (also known as a rag with a bunch of spells in it in order to make it hardier and better at dusting) and stared for a moment before she recovered her wits.

           “Hon,” she called out, easing onto the couch like she was afraid it might bite, gaze focused on the screen on the wall showing a couple of well-dressed reporters. “Hon, you want to see this!”

           “I’m in the bathroom!” Filara’s voice was muffled by the door and distance between them. Tommy reached out with one finger and slid the volume up on the television unit.  

           “…see, the damage to the city was located in a somewhat economically depressed sector just east of the main downtown center. It seems to have started in this block of rented townhomes, as you can see from the aerial shot provided by first responders to the scene.”

           “Then hurry pissing and get out there, you want to see this!” Tommy yelled.

           “It’s a number two!” Tommy heard, but shortly after there was the sound of the toilet unit being flushed. Tommy leaned forward, her elbows on her legs, and stared at the devastation depicted even as the news anchors described it.

           “Shockwaves were reported at 3:26 local time to a nearby fire station from a location nearly a kilometer away from the epicenter. Shortly after, several buildings shook as though an extended earthquake event was occurring. Pedestrians were thrown from their feet, and some were crushed under collapsing walls that were torn apart by the force of the blows exchanged between two demonic forces. As we said earlier, one of the two demons was positively identified to be Alcor the Dreambender.”

           On the screen, buildings were partially to fully collapsed the closer they were to the epicenter, a partially still-standing block of townhomes. One of them had a hole in the roof, from what Tommy could see before the view faded back to the two anchors, faces stern. Down the hall, the bathroom door opened.

           “That’s correct, Penny,” the centaur said, their tail swishing behind them in what Tommy thought might be agitation. “Several consulting demonologists on the second-response team were quick to point out that not only was Alcor the Dreambender participating in a fight, but his opponent was another rather strong demon titled Lilith. From what we understand, the battle lasted perhaps three minutes above Kabul before being relocated to the nearby Hindu Kush mountains, but the consequences of the short encounter were huge for Kabul.”

           “All right, what do I have to see?” Filara asked, reaching over the back of the couch and pressing a kiss to Tommy’s neck. Tommy shivered and reached up to curve her hand along Filara’s cheek.

           “Just watch,” Tommy said. Filara hummed, then did that thing where she just climbed over the back of the couch instead of walking around to the other side like a normal person. Tommy sighed, and adjusted so that she could lean against Filara, her chin hooking into the valley of Filara’s shoulder.

           “So far, almost five hundred residences and places of work have been labeled non-viable, just over fifty have been found dead, and a further ninety six people have been injured. Experts estimate that there should be another one hundred casualties, though they differ in opinion on how many of these casualties should be fatal or simply injured.”

           Filara hummed. “This is awful, but why should I be seeing this?”

           “Shh,” Tommy said, patting Filara’s stomach.

           On screen, the centaur’s human companion nodded gravely. She picked up a data pad, glanced down at it, and then addressed the camera. “While it is historically one of the less traumatic incidences of fighting between Alcor and other demons, experts say to exercise caution. According to these experts, Alcor’s reemergence after such a long period of inactivity is something to watch. Please do not attempt to summon Alcor the Dreambender, as you will be putting your life as well of the lives of everybody around you at risk.”

           “Oh,” Filara said. She rubbed her hand down Tommy’s side. “Ah. I see.”

           “Unsurprisingly, when looking at historical cases such as the event that caused the formation of the Californian Federation over two millennia ago, this demonic encounter also made big changes to the environment. Mishana, take it away.”

           The centaur nodded. “Of course. It seems that, from initial reports, that the massively toxic Kabul river has somehow been purified of said dangerous toxins. The river has never been clearer. This footage, of the site where experts are nearly certain the remainder of the demonic encounter took place, will show you this odd phenomenon currently taking place.” The camera shifted to pan a view of what looked like it was a normal mountain range just a while ago, but now was some kind of weird freaky smooth melted-stone valley. The hair on the back of Tommy’s neck stood up just looking at it. She got further goosebumps at the way the river changed from murky and viscous to clear and quick at one point near the far end of the valley.

           “Well,” Filara said. “I’m not sure I ever want him in my house again, nice as it was to talk to him.”

           “Don’t think we have any kind of choice,” Tommy said, quietly. She stared at the screen. “And, well, as fucking awful as that horror shit looks, it can’t be all bad? I mean, the river’s so clear you could probably peep through it and see somebody changing on the other side.”

           Filara huffed. “Yes, romantic, way to remind me of how we met.”

           “Accident,” Tommy drawled. She had let Filara know that her windows should probably be dimmed, just in case, and by the way that was a cute mole she had on her butt. “Also, this house is in one piece, right? And so are we? And that little kiddiwink hangs around him. Could be worse.”

           On the screen, the news agency showed videos of the destruction in the mountains next to ones of the devastation in Kabul proper. Filara sighed. “Could be worse indeed.”

Pandemonium Server: “Sigil_Works”

General Channel

 Karl Svinhish 7:39 AM

Posting in all channels: Just as a reminder to all personnel, today is a half-day! Please only work three hours of your six. If you work more, we will know. We will find you. You will go home at some point.

 Ennis Hart 7:41 AM

lol what u gonna do, u can’t stop us from thinking at home, we got shit to get done and thru before the Terminator comes back

also u don’t gotta do that in all channels smh

 Karl Svinhish 7:41 AM

We cannot stop you from doing anything outside of the workplace, but please be reminded that as Thinktank department personnel, our insurance does not cover you for any sigil work done outside the premises!

 Sally Minh 7:42 AM

wait, mr. farkas is back??

 Ziyi Zhang 7:42 AM

Wait what??? My favorite????? Where was he????????

 Ennis Hart 7:42 AM

how the shit is bentley farkas, destroyer of dreams and rejecter of perfectly good plans, your fav

 Ziyi Zhang 7:43 AM

Bentley Farkas is a God among Mortals and you should not profane his name like this

 Sally Minh 7:44 AM

honestly, mr. farkas is Sigils Goals

 Anish Wellington 7:44 AM

Do we know what happened to him? He was kidnapped, right?

 Lucas Onderon 7:45 AM

yall are loud way too early in the morning. go away morning people

 Ennis Hart 7:45 AM

yeah he kidnapped i think?? i think sally took that phone call

also lucas turn us on mute if you want to sleep

 Lucas Onderon 7:46 AM

But now were talking about the mysterious mister farkas I need to put in my two cents

 Sally Minh 7:47 AM

yes, the police said that there had been an incident and that it looked like mr. farkas had been the victim of some kind of kidnapping, and had officially been listed as a missing person. they only  told me because literally nobody else was at work.

 Anish Wellington 7:48 AM

Thank you Sally. I will be sleeping again but if there are any updates, please tag me.

 Sally Mihn 7:48 AM

Ok!

 Lucas Onderon 7:48 AM

and that is that benny boy might act super nice and be super smart and all that shit, but he got a stick up his ass and needs to chill out instead of freaking out over every single proposal we send him. hed gotten unbearable after minhaj left.

 Ziyi Zhang 7:49 AM

#internlife

also u know that @BentleyFarkas is in this chat, right?? He’s going to see all of this.

 Lucas Onderon 7:50 AM

hes nerver in here nayways

lkadjklwj

*never in here anyways

 Karl Svinhish 7:50 AM

Please refrain from being rude! We do not tolerate bullying and rudeness in this chat, especially when those being bullied have been kidnapped and recently escaped said kidnapping!

 Ennis Hart 7:51 AM

holy shit wait he escaped?? Not police action or whatever??

 Sally Minh 7:51 AM

Is he okay?

 Ziyi Zhang 7:52 AM

yeah is he ok? Any deets?

 Lucas Onderon 7:52 AM

Bentley ‘gives in to puppy dog eyes’ farkas actually escaped? What?? you cant just leve it at that

*leave

@BentleyFarkas explain

 Karl Svinhish 7:53 AM

Leave him alone! He is recovering, and will be on indefinite leave of absence.

 Lucas Onderon 7:53 AM

Paid???

 Karl Svinhish 7:53 AM

There is the possibility that he will be working remotely!

 Ennis Hart 7:54 AM

But u said we cant take work home???? insurance doesn’t cover outside work premises????

 Karl Svinhish 7:54 AM

That’s for the Thinktank department! Bentley Farkas has been consistently attentive to detail and is one of the leading minds in this field, and as such we have entered negotiations with our insurance agency.

 Ziyi Zhang 7:56 AM

why you hatin? bentley farkas is a god of sigils. i would say more but bentley is in this server.

 Ennis Hart 7:56 AM

U don’t see him in thinktank do u

 Sally Minh 7:56 AM

bc hes too good for thinktank

Bentley Farkas 7:57 AM

That’s bc Im too good at practics 4 u

 Lucas Onderon 7:57 AM

bc hes overrated is what and thinktank knows that

 Ziyi Zhang 7:57 AM

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BENTLEY??!??!!??!?

 Sally Minh 7:58 AM

mr. farkas???

 Lucas Onderon 7:58 AM

holy shit

 Bentley Farkas 7:59 AM

The rumors of my death were highly exaggerated. but im only saying that im alive and have my hands on a phone. i probs wont be coming back to work for a while. working things out.

 Ennis Hart 7:59 AM

send us a pic or ur an imposter

 Karl Svinish 8:00 AM

Please don’t feel pressured to do anything Bentley! We’re with you all the way. Also please send me the documents we discussed yesterday as soon as possible.

 Bentley Farkas 8:00 AM

It’s ok, promise not to scream.

IMG_59703

 Ziyi Zhang 8:00 AM

@AnishWellington GET BACK IN HERE HOLY SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK BENTLEY

           “Hey, this is Torako Lam! Leave a text for me after the beep, unless you’re my dads, in which case leave me a VM so that I can hear your voices! Have a great day, and stay cool.”

-beep-

           “Hey Tora, this is your dear old Dad! Just calling in to check and see how you’re doing. You missed our weekly call yesterday. I know that Bentley going missing has been a big blow, and I’m worried about you. Please call me back! If nothing else, I can sort of keep you company for a bit. Love you lots!”

-beep-

           “Torako, is everything okay? You haven’t responded to my texts or your Father’s. Your workplace said that you were on suspension. I just want to make sure that you’re doing all right. Tyrone hasn’t answered his phone either, and Bentley is obviously out of the question. Please call us back. Any time is okay, even at a god-awful hour in the morning. Love you so much, bye.”

-beep-

           “Torako, this is Mama. Your Father called me, said that your Dad and he hadn’t heard from you at all lately? What’s up with that darling? They’re getting frightened that you’re dead. I told them that that’s nonsense, you’re far too tough for that. Your Father and I made you, after all! Then again, we made you, so I am a very small bit worried. If you have some troubles you can’t tell your Dad or Father, you can tell me. I know I’ve been busy recently, but I can make time for you. Loves and smooches, your Mama.”

-beep-

           “Torako, what’s going on?? It’s been a week, and all we’ve heard out of you is one solitary ‘I love you, I’m alive’ text. Which, thank you, but also that’s worrying! Are you in danger? Is Tyrone gone too? I tried talking to some of your old hurling friends, but none of them know where you are. I will get on a port to your apartment in the next day if you don’t respond. I love you, but please tell me that you’re okay! Goodbye.”

-beep-

           “Yo, Tora, it’s Hana, long time no talk! So your Dad contacted me yesterday about you being like out of town or out of touch or something? And I’m a little concerned?? I heard from him that your life partner went missing, which is sad and also makes me worried about you. Are you okay? I’m here for you if you need me. Catch you later!”

-beep-

           “Torako, this is Officer Akuapem. Hepsa has been getting better. They think she can return to work next month. I hope things are going well for you. We are continuing to investigate. There seems to be a lead into Canada. We have been tracing emails. Maybe you already know this; we had a report of a break and enter a few days ago. It was to someone we thought might be tied into the investigation. Please be careful. Don’t do anything stupid.”

-beep-

           “Tora, this is Lata’s mom. She said something about seeing you last night! Thank you for following up on that message; you don’t seem to have received any of my texts, so I thought I would try my had at a VM. It’s been so long since I left one! Again, thank you very much. When you find Bentley, let him know he was missed! I hope he is okay. That’s all, thanks! Goodbye!”

-beep-

           “What’s going on Torako? Why did you send me that cryptic message that you love me and that if you don’t message me again you failed? What are you failing? Are you doing something stupid? Please don’t do this Torako. Don’t do this to us. Please be safe. I love you. Be safe. Stay safe. We love you.”

-beep-

           “This is your Father. Please be careful. Your Dad is worried sick. We love you. Stay safe. Come home soon.”

-beep-

End of messages. Do you want to delete these messages? Select yes, no, or other options.

Other options selected. Your options are: respond with call, respond via VM, respond via text, respond via film video, select and archive messages, forward mes—

Respond with call selected. Which messages would you like to respond to? Please select the releva—

Message “What’s going on Torako? Why—” selected. Sender: Dad. Time: 3 hours ago. Are you sure you want to select this message? Yes or—

Understood. Calling in three…two…one.

-ring-

-ri—

           “Torako??!”

“Yo, hey Dad. Uh. Hi. How are you.”

“Torako?? Are you okay?? Where are you, what’s going on, is everything all right, what in the Fathomless Seas made you send such a frightening message?”

“So, funny story.” A laugh. “Not funny, but I’m more or less okay, only minimally hurt and traumatized. It’s fine. Also we’re outside right now.”

Silence.

“Outside??”

“Yeah, and uh,” Torako said, “Bentley’s been through shit and there’s some stuff we haven’t told you. So like. Yeah. Don’t scream when you come outside.”

Footsteps. “Scream, why would I scream?”

Opening door. Quick inhale, then the start of a scream before it is muffled behind a hand.

“I’ll explain everything, I promise,” Torako said. “Can we…come in?”

A pause. When spoken, the voice is a little strained. “Okay. Come in please.”

“Thank you, now let me just—” A click, and a dial tone that cuts out.

           The study was large and well-lit by two giant windows. Their thin, magically reinforced glass panes somehow seemed to let in more sunlight than they should be capable of, like they were capturing brightness and magnifying it to a subtle degree. There was a slightly dusty off-white desk in front of the shorter window at the head of the room. Stacks of books and papers and tablets towered in neat, short little hills, and there was an old-fashioned ballpoint pen sat in the middle, near a clear space for the user to sit at and work. A pair of archivists gloves was nearby, and a desk lamp floated at one corner. At the other corner, there was a small vase with two bright orange lilies caught in stasis.

           Runes flared along the edges of the ceiling, turning brighter and brighter until they burst in a small thunderclap of sound. The wallpaper tore, burned, and ash rained down on the formerly pristine room. It dotted the long red couch perpendicular to the desk in deceptively soft flakes, fragile and dangerous all at once. Flakes of burning wallpaper continued to fall down even as another presence filled the room, blacks and golds and browns and pale skin. Alcor the Dreambender cast his gaze about the room, face utterly still as he took it all in. The ash did not touch him. Nobody entered the room.

           He blinked, long and languid, at the floor to ceiling storage shelves containing all matter of memorabilia and research materials. He stared out the window at the deep, endless ocean, waves crashing against the cliffs below. He set his eyes on the desk, inhaled, and then drifted closer. With one gloved hand, he picked up one of the stacked antique books—Gleeful, Silent, Ferocious—and looked through it, flipping the pages slowly. He paused on one and read it more carefully, then snorted. “They get the funniest ideas,” he said, and he shut the book, set it on the desk carefully.

           Then he tilted his head at the tome. It had some wrong bits, but it wasn’t all that bad. There were a few that were decent, actually. Dipper tugged them from under the other stacks, sending them sliding down and across the desk. Torako would like them, he thought. And a couple were like, super rare, so if nothing else she could sell them online and get bank.

           Alcor slid the books into his stomach, feeling a little sick at the memory of pulling the three of them out of him: Bentley unconscious and with a sluggish heartbeat, Torako wide-eyed and trembling and barely keeping it together, Haji freaked out beyond measure. He’d made a deal—those memories for the means to get out of Kabul and somewhere safe—but Torako had refused to, clutching Bentley to her with a wild, nearly feral look on her face. But they were safe, now. They were safe.

           Though, Dipper thought as he considered exactly what he’d just done with the books, he’d still be careful about pulling them out in front of people. Maybe he wouldn’t pull them out in front of Bentley or Torako at all. Yes. That was the safest option. Torako’s dads would also possibly mind it if he extricated the books from his demonic bowels via tentacle too, thinking about it. Alone. Alone it was.

           He then looked up at the splash of orange, the lilies in the crystal vase, spinning slowly midair. Alcor the Dreambender reached out, and his gloves melted away so that his bare fingers could touch the petals. Lurid. Bright. Beautiful.

           If he’d gotten his hands on Fantino’s soul, they would have either been eaten, or would have suffered debilitating allergies to flowers for the next several lives.

           Instead Dipper withdrew his fingers and looked at the flowers. Then, he reached out again, blue fire sparking along the channels of friction ridges in the pads of his fingers, and touched them. The fire sputtered, then flared, consuming the flowers and shooting down the line of magic tethering them to the desk. Dipper stared at it, looked through the desk to the manuscripts of new publications in progress, and smiled. The fire wouldn’t stop until the house burned down.

           Dipper stayed a moment longer just to see the books and the desk and the tablets burst into flame, and then he blipped out of the study and its long, beautiful windows and its pristine pale features. The windows caught the light inside and amplified it, gently, subtly, to glow a soft blue that didn’t alarm the neighbors until it was too late for anything of Dr. Vallian Fantino to be saved.

           The air was heavy with salt, enough that when Bentley opened his mouth and breathed he could taste it on his tongue. It was also heavy with the sound of the tide, crashing and crumbling and receding with the tide. This beach was empty because of the dangerously sharp rocks tumbling on the seafloor not even two meters in from the edge. Honestly, though, that suited Bentley just fine, early in the morning with the night coolness still clinging to the breeze. Bentley closed his eyes, and breathed it in.

           It had been five days since they’d gone home, to Torako’s parents, and he still wasn’t tired of the feeling of natural air against his skin. He was tired of having to eat soft, bland food, and was tired of how odd it felt to go to the bathroom, but he wasn’t tired of being somewhere that rubbed against his skin and filled his chest with thrumming energy. He wasn’t tired of being able to refuse to go to a hospital, and instead have a hospital come to him.

           He also wasn’t tired of the feeling of sand on his skin. Bentley smiled, and wriggled his feet deeper into the soft sand. When he opened his eyes, the residual magic of it glimmered, just enough to be noticed but not enough to be distracting. It was nice. It was okay. It would be okay.

           Out further, where the sand became damp and the waves foamed with the force of their collisions, the water also glimmered, deep and dark like Dipper sometimes was. Bentley could see it now, more than ever: Dipper’s continuing influence on the islands, even after a long two millennia. It would have been something that explained how Dipper was able to hide his energy signature here so well. It would have been something Bentley’s Dad would have loved to know. Bentley set his face in his hands, his elbows on his knees, and looked out to sea.

           “What would you have thought of all this?” Bentley wondered out loud. The wind picked at his short hair, his long sleeves and his pants, and he felt cold despite the relative warmth. He thought about Fantino, and said, “What do you think of me now?”

           “What does who think of you now?”

           Bentley stiffened, but let out a deep breath and looked up over his shoulder. “Torako,” he said, and the warmth inside him wasn’t fake even if his dumb brain wouldn’t let go of the fact he’d dreamed about her being mean. Ugh.

           “Me? I think you’re pretty great,” she said, a crooked smile on her face. She dug her toes into the sand, sandals hanging from two hooked fingers. Bentley let out a fond, exasperated sigh.

            “Thanks,” Bentley said. “I think you’re pretty great too. Most of the time, at least.”

           Torako gasped and held her hand over her heart. “Only most of the time? Your conditional love wounds me.”

           Bentley snorted. “Sit down already, you goof.”

           She laughed and sat, legs stretching out, heels digging long trenches into the soft sand. Bentley watched how the morning sunlight glinted off the scars running root-like over her shins and calves, tangled and thin and innumerable. They too glimmered with magical byproduct. Everything glimmered these days, just about.

           “Hey.” Torako nudged his shoulder with hers. “It’s not a big deal, doesn’t even hurt.”

           “Because the doctors caught it in time to mitigate the damage, you mean.” Bentley shut out false memories of physical and emotional abuse and leaned into her. “Otherwise, you might have barely been able to walk because it would have hurt you so much.”

           Torako hummed. “Eh.”

           “Your bones had been shattered and then fused back together,” Bentley said. “You’re lucky it was fresh enough and magical enough that they could do a localized rewind on the bones.” Curses weren’t generally regarded as lucky, but in this case it was lucky that they could treat Torako’s leg as a curse.

           “Not the end of the world.” Torako shifted her legs so that her ankles crossed. Sand clung, dry, to her toes. “Besides, it didn’t happen, I’m fine. It’s a non-issue at this point, unlike you.”    

           This time, Bentley gasped and held his hand over his heart. “I’m an issue?” He knew when to leave something alone, even if shattering and melting was pretty damn traumatizing in his book.

           “Shut up, you’re not,” Torako said, grinning. She tousled his hair, and he hid a smile behind one hand at the familiarity. “No, I’m talking about what that place did to you—and don’t say it’s just cosmetic, you little shit.”

           Back at you, Bentley thought but didn’t say. “I mean,” he said instead, waving a hand at his face, “It kind of is? I look very different, and the nurse that visited said there wasn’t anything physically wrong with me.”

           “Pssh, I don’t need a nurse to tell that you’re also cold, like, all the time.” She pulled him closer and he let her, because he was cold and she looked very warm. “And you look at stuff funny sometimes, and you haven’t touched sigils since coming back, and the theft detector at the grocery store screamed at you going in. I think we need another specialist to come in to see you, actually.”

           “Let’s not. Also, the detector wasn’t my fault.” Bentley frowned at the waves further out, not because they had done anything wrong but because the grocery store experience had been awful. He would have made the very bad decision of running away if Torako hadn’t been with him, and if she hadn’t been shaking herself. They’d ended up just going home and letting her dads do the shopping.

           “Yes, that is true. But they never went off on you before, so that place absolutely did something to you. Somethings, even.”

           Bentley took a deep breath. He closed his eyes, then gave her a little noncommittal hum and snuggled into her. She was warm, as he’d thought. Torako slid her hand into his. He listened to her heartbeat, steady against the backdrop of crashing waves. They curled further into each other in silence. Bentley ended up with his legs slung over the valley of her lap, head resting at the hollow of her collarbone, her chin nestled on top of his head. Her arms were secure around him. It was…nice.

           He’d almost drifted off when she asked, “So what’s next?”

           The first somewhat intelligible sound he made was “Huh?” It was also probably the third of fourth sound he’d made, the first few being byproducts of transitioning into clearer awareness. Somewhere in the distance, seabirds called out. The horn of a fishing boat sounded, the blare of it softened by space. Bentley let out a slow breath, content.

           “What do we do now?” Torako asked. “Somehow, even if by some miracle I graduate, I don’t think that Officer Akuapem would support me entering the police force. And will you even go back to work? What do we—what happens, after the shit that we just went through?”

           Bentley cracked his eyes open. Before him, the beach stretched on into the horizon, buildings rising out of it and pressing up, up into the sky. On the left was the sea, dark with crests of white, shimmering with sunlight and supernatural energy. “I’ve been considering it. Going back, I mean. But…”

           Torako squeezed his hand, and waited for him to answer.

           “Sigils are…hard.” Bentley looked at their hands, at his mismatched fingers interspersed between hers. “And I don’t think I’ll stay there forever. Plus, you’re higher priority. I’ll go wherever you need to.”

           “No, silly, I go where you go.” She hugged him tighter. “You were in there a long time. You call the shots.”

           “And you found me,” Bentley murmured. He shifted back so he could look her in the eyes, so that she knew how much she meant. How much she mattered. “You searched long and hard and found me. I wouldn’t have…” he stopped, suddenly filled with shame and guilt and horror. He looked away, to the sea.

           Torako leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead. “You would have died,” she said. “You would have killed yourself.” Her voice shook a little when she said the words for him.

           Bentley swallowed against the stiffness of his throat, because she was right, and because he couldn’t say it. He knew it, but he couldn’t say it.

           “And that…” Torako took a deep breath. She pulled him back to her with soft but firm hands. “That really upsets me. Really. But you were—alone, and desperate, for so so long, so. I understand. It’s not okay but…I understand.”

           He squeezed her hand, watched the waves crumble into the sand. Watched them pull back, and do it over, and over, and over.

           “And we’re going to talk about that, as soon as you’re ready. First, though—what’s next? We can’t stay with my dads forever. Tyrone just about gives them a heart attack every time he shows up, I’m sure of it. They’re going to snap eventually.”

           Bentley managed a short laugh. “Yeah.” He breathed in, then out, then in and asked, “What do you want?”

           “Me?”

           “Yeah,” he said. “I might be able to do remote work. So. What do you want?”

           This time, Torako was silent, and Bentley waited.

           “I don’t want to make you upset,” Torako said at length.

           “You won’t.” Bentley turned and pressed his cheek to her collarbone.

           She still hesitated. Birds called, the ocean sang a symphony, and somebody let out a jubilant shout for whatever reason, and Torako remained silent next to him.

           Bentley shifted to press a kiss to her collarbone instead of his cheek, and then slid his forehead to the same spot. “I promise.” If he got upset, he’d get over it.

           Torako let out a sigh of frustration. “Like, I miss it. Cult bashing. Parts of it, I mean, not everything. Being away from you sucked a lot.”

           He hummed to let her know he was still listening.

           “And I hate that you were missing. Like, even cult bashing, when I knew you were safe, I hated it. When I didn’t know? Hell. It was stressful, I was always tired, Dipper was a mess and I was a mess and everything was awful. Except, it kind of wasn’t. Looking back, there were parts I liked, you know?”

           When she didn’t continue immediately, Bentley prompted, “Like?”

           She nuzzled her nose into his hair. “Putting pieces together,” she murmured. “Not having all the bureaucratic tape to deal with. The thrill, sometimes. Imminent danger, not so much, but the adrenaline was…nice.”

           This wasn’t upsetting at all, though Bentley could maybe see why she thought he would think so. He didn’t say that yet, though. “So what’s next then?”

           There was a moment where all he heard from her was her breath, and then she asked, “You’re not upset?”

           “No,” he said. “So, tell me—what’s next?”

           “I,” she said. Then, she laughed and she tousled his hair again. “I asked you first, fishbrains! What’s next, huh, Bentley?”

           “Hey!” He swatted at her hand and rolled off her lap to kneel next to her. She was smiling, hair still slightly damp from her morning shower, tank-top sliding off her right shoulder. Her eyes gleamed with something that wasn’t magic, but Bentley almost felt was. Fondness blooming gentle in him, he raised his hands and cradled her face between them. Her smile slipped, eyes wide, and she looked at him like he was the most amazing thing in the world.

           He loved her, he realized again. He loved her like he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He didn’t love her like he wanted to engage in any kind of kissing, or groping, or even dating, but he wanted—he wanted. He wanted her with him for the rest of his life, and it was a realization that he’d made a long time ago but still didn’t know quite what to do with. Torako was—vibrant, and wonderful, and he’d long resigned himself to the possibility of another person wedging themselves between them, better and stronger. And maybe it wasn’t a healthy thought; pan trios, and quads, and even quints existed in the world, but something in him didn’t want another person. The rest of him knew that was selfish, and wrong, and that if Torako wanted to go, if she needed to go—he wouldn’t get in the way.

           But by the seas and the stars did he love her.

           “We…take it a day at a time,” he said.

           “That’s specific,” she said, eyebrows quirking and mouth slanting up, cockeyed.

           “Oh hush. We take it a day at a time,” he said again. “We figure our shit out as we go, and know that things’ll go wrong but that’s okay. We talk.”

           “I would hope so.”

           He smooshed her cheeks in, and she laughed, eyes squinting almost shut with joy. Bentley laughed at the sight of her.

           Gripping her cheeks between his fingers and pulling them out a little, he said, “We do stupid shit and try new things and try old things again. We…don’t stay on Minte de Daos, because, you know, Tyrone.”

           Torako reached out and grabbed his own face, so he quickly let go of her cheeks. She smirked at him. “Good plan. Very detailed.”

           “And,” he said, shuffling closer. The sand shifted around him. “We go back home. You see about school, I see about doing work away from work and cutting it down to part time, because I’m…messed up.” He bit his lip, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before soldiering on. “I’m messed up, and I need help but I can’t get it because of what exactly went down. So I do my best to help myself. And I do my best to help you help yourself.”

           Torako nodded. Her palms relaxed against his cheeks. “Yeah. I can’t be your therapist, and you can’t be mine.”

           “And then, when you’re done with school…you look into options. Like, I don’t know, a private investigator.”

           She wrinkled her nose. “Ugh, that’s so much paperwork.”

           “So something else,” Bentley said, just as he heard a soft noise, like something tearing, like the sound of smoothing out a sheet of paper. “We can—we can figure it out as we go. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

           “What are we figuring out as we go?” Dipper asked. “And why are we holding each other’s faces?”

           Bentley looked up at Dipper, staring down at the both of them. Torako did the same. Dipper’s eyes were black and gold, even though the rest of him was as human as possible. “What to do next,” Bentley said.

           “Yeah, Tyrone,” Torako asked. “What’s next?”

           Dipper frowned at them. He pressed his lips together, and something flashed across his face before he shoved it down. Bentley’s smile dimmed, and he opened his mouth to—apologize? Say something?–when Dipper grinned wide and a little too sharp, and said, “There’s lots of options, but apparently one ends with either Torako or Bentley with sand up to their necks, so. There’s that!”

           Bentley looked at Torako, her face framed by his hands. Torako looked at him, and squished his cheeks a little. Then Torako looked up, smiled prettily in that way that made Bentley’s internal alarms scream with urgency, and said, “I think you left out an option,” before tackling Dipper into the sand. Dipper squawked and went down flailing his limbs and sending beach flying everywhere.

           “Get off! I am an almighty creature of pure energy!”

           Torako caught Bentley’s eye over her shoulder, and he grinned. With a little trepidation, a little nervousness, he sunk his finger into the sand. There was a moment after where he stared at the sand, its magic, and wondered if this was really such a good idea. He’d caused a lot of damage, back in the pocket dimension. The sand had power of its own, who knew how that would interact?

           Dipper screeched, Torako laughed, and Bentley drew a sigil. Behind them, the ocean undulated, waves cresting white out of the darkness of the water, seafoam fizzing against the porous sand of the shore. The tides moved, the currents shifted according to latent, now natural energy. Above, seabirds called and searched for food. A fishing boat pulled in its haul, protected by spells to ensure it wouldn’t lose any of its catch to mercenary fowl. A man on the beach a kilometer away kept staring at his phone and grinning. The mermaid civilization a few clicks away wove new birthing homes into being. A children’s class practiced hula on the shore, a cervitaur held up a shell to the sun to see how the light shone through, an old married couple held hands and walked, slow, along the tide where the sand was wet and firm and their rings glinted in the early morning.

           The world glimmered, bright.

[covid19updater]

COVID19 Updates: 07/30/2021

Australia:  JUST IN - Australia will not reopen its borders for travel until 80% of the population is vaccinated - Prime Minister Scott Morrison

World: Holy Mother—the worst CDC #DeltaVariant report ever: MORE CONTAGIOUS than Smallpox* DOUBLE transmission of Wuhan 1.0* MORE SEVERE than ever* Vaccinated can transmit* & breakthrough viral loads ~ unvaxxed.

Japan:  Japan Medical Association fears medical system will collapse if Covid-19 surge continues

Florida:  BREAKING: AdventHealth hospital system puts Central Florida Division on code black due to surge in coronavirus patients

Florida:  COVID-19 hospitalizations in Florida have reached the highest level since August. At the current rate it will reach the all-time high within 7 days

California:  Los Angeles Unified School District, the 2nd-largest in the U.S., says all students and employees will have to wear masks and be tested weekly, regardless of vaccination status

US:  U.S. COVID update: More than 96,000 new cases, biggest one-day increase since February - New cases: 96,085 - Average: 71,092 (+4,459) - In hospital: 44,245 (+1,635) - In ICU: 10,874 (+411) - New deaths: 398.  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 44,000, highest since April

California:  Los Angeles County reports 3,248 new coronavirus cases, the biggest one-day increase since February (Note: CA has one of the highest vax rates in the US)

US:  CDC Director Walensky says new masking advice was largely based on soon-to-be-published data showing that virus can thrive in the airways of vaccinated people, even if they're asymptomatic - NYT

US:  BREAKING: Biden orders vaccine mandate for all 1.5 million members of the U.S. military - NYT

Japan:  *JAPAN PM SUGA TO HOLD PRESS CONFERENCE AT 7PM JST

Japan:  JAPAN'S TRADE MIN. KAJIYAMA: JAPAN PROPOSES EXTENDING THE STATE OF EMERGENCY IN TOKYO AND OKINAWA OVER COVID-19 UNTIL AUGUST THE 31ST.

Philippines:  PHILIPPINES REIMPOSES LOCKDOWN IN CAPITAL FROM AUG. 6-AUG. 20

South Korea:  South Korea: Daily virus cases over 1,700 as infections grow amid summer vacation season

Florida:  Baptist Health in Jacksonville, Florida, warns that its hospitals and emergency rooms are at maximum capacity.

Texas:  BREAKING:  Only 13 ICU beds are available in Central Texas across 11 counties.  2,375,407 people live in the Trauma Service Area O.   That’s only 2% of ICU beds available in Central Texas. This is the lowest level of ICU beds since the START OF THE PANDEMIC.  

Arkansas:  Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson on Thursday declared a public health emergency amid a surge in COVID-19 cases and announced a special legislative session to change a law that prevents public schools from requiring masks:

Malaysia:  #COVID19 Malaysia recorded 16,840 new positive cases with 134 deaths.

Illinois:  CDC COVID risk map: Cook Co. to issue mask rules as data shows 'substantial' COVID-19 transmission - WLS-TV

Kenya:  The Kilimani Street Festival has been postponed following the COVID-19 briefing by CS Mutahi Kagwe, and restriction of public gatherings. It remains our primary responsibility to ensure we comply with the above directive, and help in curbing the spread of COVID-19.

Malaysia:  Malaysia busts another ceiling with record 1,055 patients in ICU for Covid-19 today | Malay Mail LINK

RUMINT (US):  BREAKING: Six passengers on Royal Caribbean's Adventure of the Seas cruise ship (which I am sailing on) have tested positive for COVID-19. Four are vaccinated, two are unvaccinated children. Passengers have not yet been notified. Story to come.

Vietnam:  Vietnam confirms 8,622 new COVID-19 cases and nearly 300 deaths LINK

Massachusetts:  91 vaccinated Mass. residents have died from COVID-19 as breakthrough cases surpass 6,000 This is why the Biden Admin is freaking out. MA is a leading indicator. LINK

US:  This new change doesn't seem to be getting the attention it deserves.... The C.D.C. now says fully vaccinated people should get tested after exposure even if they don’t show symptoms. LINK

US: Op/Ed:  As a pediatrician I'm going on record saying that allowing kids to be freely infected with a novel disease that has unknown long term consequences is the worst idea of 2021 despite being a pretty crowded field so far #COVID19

Arkansas:  'It's going to be dark days here in the next couple of weeks,' said UAMS Chancellor @drcampatterson. @NBCNews @shaqbrewster said that's scary to hear him say. "I've haven't said that before," Patterson replied. #covid19ark LINK

UK: Covid infection rates in England are STILL going up, random testing reveals: ONS figures show an increase despite dramatic plunge in daily infections - adding to fears that people are hiding symptoms to avoid being 'pinged' LINK

RUMINT (Florida):  My mom lives in Florida and works at a medical clinic near Melbourne. She said her whole office is worried. "We are getting emails from admin that they may be sending some of us out of the clinic to help at the hospital and that includes me. They want us to work 12 hour shifts too." "My employer owns a lot of hospitals and the one closest to hear is near full capacity. They said the nursing staff is at the breaking point there." She is 65 years old and is high-risk with diabetes and some heart issues. Trying to make her work in a hospital for 12 hours shifts?!?!

World:  Vaccination alone won't stop the rise of variants and in fact could push the evolution of strains that evade their protection, researchers warned. They said people need to wear masks and take other preventative steps until almost everyone is vaccinated. LINK (LOL)

World:  * WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION HEAD TEDROS SAYS HARD-WON GAINS IN FIGHTING COVID-19 ARE BEING LOST

NYC:  BROADWAY AUDIENCES WILL NEED PROOF OF VACCINATION AND MASKS - NYT

US:  As of July 23, there have been 11,940 deaths, 11,198 life-threatening adverse events, 12,808 cases of permanent disability, and over 106,000 hospitalizations and emergency room visits following Covid vaccination reported to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System #CovidVaccine

Florida:  Florida Governor Ron DeSantis to issue executive order to give parents the right to decide whether their children will wear a mask at school

US:  NEW: Number of Americans hospitalized with COVID-19 tops 45,000, highest since March

US:  (READ) CDC: 74% who got Covid-19 and most who were hospitalized in recent analysis had been fully vaccinated. LINK

Massachusetts:  Vaccinated people made up three-quarters of those infected in a massive Massachusetts covid-19 outbreak, pivotal CDC study finds

US:  Walmart will require employees in high COVID-19 transmission areas to wear masks again LINK

US:  FDA, UNDER PRESSURE, PLANS ‘SPRINT’ TO ACCELERATE REVIEW OF PFIZER’S COVID-19 VACCINE FOR FULL APPROVAL – STAT NEWS

Louisiana:  Masks, face coverings now required in all East Baton Rouge library buildings LINK

Uganda:  #Uganda: PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS ON COVID -19 Schools remain closed. Learning to continue virtually. Burials, weddings and other marriage ceremonies restricted to 20 people. Inter district movement of private vehicles allowed but with a restricted number of passengers.

UK:  JUST IN - SAGE, the UK's health "expert panel," warns next Covid "super mutant variant" could kill up to one in three people, and the "vaccine roll-out may even speed up mutant strain's emergence." (Daily Mail)

US:  JUST IN - More than 110,000 breakthrough cases in the US (Bloomberg)

UK:  Sewage monitoring has shown there was a "widespread increase" in the concentration of COVID-19 in England throughout June LINK

UK:  NEW: NHS secretly drew up plans to withdraw hospital care from people in nursing homes in the event of a pandemic

US:  Breaking: COVID-19 just released a rare statement. "Thank you for not learning anything from the past 16 months. I really can't believe it's this easy to keep the pandemic going. See you at Sturgis!"

Hawaii:  BREAKING: Hawaii reporting high number of 622 new #COVID19 cases statewide today - caveat: that includes getting caught up from electronic reporting backlog - but 3 day average now over 300 cases per day @KITV4

Florida:  BREAKING NEWS: COVID-19 cases continue to be on the rise in Florida as the state reported more than 100,000 cases in the past week. The state’s new case positivity rate also surged to 18.1%. LINK

US:  Walmart requires that headquarters staff be vaccinated against COVID-19 by Oct. 4, while Disney gives workers at all U.S. locations 60 days - MarketWatch LINK

US:  JUST IN - U.S. House adjourned for a 6-week August recess without passing an extension of the eviction moratorium which expires Saturday, leaving millions of Americans at risk of losing their homes.

US:  FDA okays Regeneron COVID-19 antibody as preventive in high-risk settings LINK

California:  #BREAKING: Coronavirus cases have spiked yet again in San Diego County, reaching a new daily high total since Feb. 5, county officials confirmed Friday. LINK

Arkansas:  NEW: Arkansas reported 2,544 new COVID-19 cases today. Hospitalizations increased by 32. LINK

Missouri:  How a Tiny Town With an Anti-Mask Mayor Caused COVID Chaos LINK

Missouri:  ‘What’s your breaking point?’: Over 300 hospitalized in SW Missouri — including kids LINK

US:  U.S. CDC chief says there will be no federal mandate on COVID-19 vaccine LINK

Florida:  The reigning Florida of America… is still… Florida. If no mask or mitigation, then FL is headed towards a burn  through. That’s like a forest fire that fizzles out when it runs out of wood/bushes/grass to burn. God save the good people of Florida. #COVID19

South Africa:  Refusing a Covid-19 vaccine in South Africa could now drive up your life-insurance premium similar to other risk factors such as smoking, a South African insurer said this week, in a move that is likely to be watched closely by other industry players LINK

[landoftheoutsiders]

So I figured I would do an experiment on myself. I was already planning on doing a stream of conscious type thing tonight to try to figure out what some of the thoughts were that went through my head regarding my eating disorder... then I thought: but what if we added food? So. I have officially consumed an appropriate meal. There were many breaks, and holy fuck I haven’t been this bloated or in pain from food since being in a meal group (I’m also going to actually die if/when I try meal group again) while in treatment. I have walked my dog, smoked my two cigarettes, and I plan on being uninterrupted for the next hour or so. This, so far, is a bad idea... hopefully it won’t get any worse. This is completely unfiltered, so now is your chance to look away if you are triggered easily.

     First of all, I’m getting weighed tomorrow and this is not part of my weigh-in ritual. So I’m freaking out. I feel like most people that aren’t supposed to be losing weight who have weigh-ins regularly actually want to be heavier than they are. For some reason, I want to know what my actual weight is, and I would prefer for it to keep going down. (Also, kind of random, but I’m mad at how my Spotify put on Paint Me Black by Ben Hazlewood, and this is the verse that I just heard, “Stuck in my eye line is my one goal to make me happy, it's time that you go. I know I'm starving but I'll fill my hunger, I'll come alive and bring the thunder.” I hate everything.) Anyways, uh, so rituals before weigh-ins. I don’t eat usually around 24 hours beforehand. So I’m already panicking. I know my weight is going to be higher than what it was the week before, and I should be at the very least okay with that, but I’m not. I’m also pissed off at the fact I’m drinking soda because I normally only drink coffee or water. My “cheat drinks” are the ones I get from Starbucks, which I’m sure has more calories than a soda does, but I’m not in as much pain afterwards, and they help me feel better if I haven’t eaten that day. Basically, I don’t eat 24 hours beforehand, and I don’t drink anything until I go in the day of. I want it to be only my body weight without food or water weighing it down. I’m not even allowed to know my weight anymore, and I still do this shit which doesn’t make any sense, whatsoever. 

      I could have done all of this tonight. Crashy has been asleep since a solid 6pm, and my social media is actually fairly quiet. There was no one to make me eat tonight which is rare. I was definitely planning on it after last night too. Crashy and I went to go see Infinity War, and beforehand, he asked me if I had eaten that day. I was already laying down, so I ignored him and pretended to be asleep. Thought I was home free. So we go see the movie, I’m an emotional wreck because I wasn’t prepared to see anything that happened. I was crying and whisper-screaming no frantically at the screen. We were all a tragic mess in that theatre. We’re walking out to go to the car, and Crashy states that we’re going to Cookout. I asked him why. He asked if I had eaten that day (mind you, its almost 2am at this point), and FOR SOME REASON, just like George Washington, I cannot fucking tell a lie when it comes to this damned disorder. So now after the emotional roller coaster of Infinity War, we’re going to Cookout. I was in full panic mode, and I only got a cheeseburger, removed one of the buns, and asked if Crashy could put something on so I could at least be distracted. What comes on? The Office. Safe, right? Nope. It was the weightloss episode. And all I hear as I’m about to take a bite is Darryl saying, “y’all need to learn some portion control,” and Dwight saying, “Oh wait, Pam is on the scale,” then Michael saying, “We would love your extra poundage, but...” and I’m internally screaming. Thankfully Crashy saw the humour in it and changed the episode, but fuck me. So I wait until we’re almost home before I start eating so I can immediately get out of the car to smoke. 

     Eating has just gotten so hard recently. Like, my really disordered moments haven’t happened as often as they have recently in a while. Earlier this week, Tree and I went to go talk to Dr. B to talk to her about her book she wrote. She let us read the rough draft, and naturally we had questions. Afterwards, Tree and I waited for one of her friends to come to group so we could say hey and leave, but we ran by Starbucks first. I wasn’t planning on eating that day, but she had to and I felt like I’d be a shitty friend if I didn’t eat that day too (logic isn’t the greatest here, but hey, I’m eating). We get to the speaker in the drive thru and she orders my protein box that is a semi-safe 350 calories. I can attempt to do that. (Mind you, this is the same meal that led me to call Pink the week prior to tell him that my eating disorder was in fact, “that bad” and I should probably try to go to meal groups). They didn’t have my protein box. Instant relief. Then the lady says that they have some other protein box. Instant panic. The first thing that falls out of my mouth is, “how many calories are in it?” I asked Tree several times, and she wasn’t asking the barista, so I did, and there are 580 calories in it. The barista asks if I still wanted it, and I’m speechless trying to do calculus in my head to figure out what on earth was making it that high, and before I could say no, Tree said that I would take it. What is the first thing I do when I receive my box? I put it in the floorboard. I carried it out to the parking lot where we met Tree’s friend, and it stayed on the ground for a solid 20-30 minutes before I realized that I should probably eat it at the treatment center where I had people around me, otherwise, I wouldn’t have eaten it. I couldn’t bear the thought of eating it the way it came, so I went inside to the kitchen before groups got out to wipe off all of the sauces and roasted tomatoes while praying that a therapist wouldn’t walk in on what I was doing. Once I fixed my sandwich, we went back outside and maybe 30 more minutes passed until we started the process of eating. I had my box and Tree had her goldfish which was a lovely appetizer before her dinner. After finishing, I really had the urge to purge. This is something that has been slightly concerning, but I’ve just never brought it up because I physically can’t... but there have been so many times where I have tried over and over again, relentlessly, but my reflex just won’t let me do it. So I end up sitting next to the toilet angry with a few tears, frustrated because I can’t even do that right. But that day I found myself in the hallway with the perfect opportunity to attempt. Reluctantly, I decided to try, and then one of the therapists came around the corner and scared the shit out of me. Instantly changed my mind lol. 

     We left right before the group after dinner started, and I was in a really dark spot. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, this disorder would always have a grip on me, and I was going to be like this until the day I died--constantly fighting thoughts telling me I shouldn’t be eating. I mentioned this to Tree and her friend before we left. Tree reminded me that Recovered (a therapist there) had an eating disorder. She and I have often talked about picking Recovered’s brain about what its like to work with eating disorders, how she handles it, etc. So I decided I’d ask the question that had been circling my brain for the past hour: does it ever actually get better or even just easier? Surprisingly, but not really, she said that it does get easier. I’m not surprised because it honestly makes sense that it would get easier as long as I kept fighting for recovery, but I think I was surprised at how much it comforted me to hear from someone who knows what its like to be inside my brain say that. It helped, but I was still in a dark place, so I went to go look at things for my new apartment and to look at all of the cute animals in Petco. I really want a saltwater tank, so I talked to one of the associates for almost 30 minutes about salt tanks and the types of fish there are, etc. It was nice to have a non-eating disorder related conversation. Still though, my brain wasn’t really in a better place, so I decided to go to Target. My other happy place. Long story short, I have razors again. I gave my stuff up to Pink a while ago. 

     That was one of the hardest things I think I’ve done in therapy. I’ve given up razors before, but I’ve always kept the one. It was like a reminder of what I’ve gone through. It was like my scale. I took it everywhere. It was in my wallet. It was always there just in case. Fuck. I missed having it. I missed the feeling. So I bought more. I have a whole pack now. I haven’t done anything yet, but they’re there. This is one reason why I’m planning on getting a tattoo soon because I need that feeling. It feels the exact same way. 

     Speaking of things I miss, I was looking through old pictures on my laptop a week or two ago. We’re talking about the laptop from high school at the peak of my eating disorder. This piece of technology has allll of my old thinspo pictures from the several collections I had on my phone. Then I found my body checks. Honestly. I think that the body check pictures fucked me up more than the thinspo did. Some of the stuff I’ll reblog on here, I’ll think to when I used to be that size. Its weird looking at pictures like that now because before I thought I’d never make it, and now that I have and I think about what it was like being at that weight, I feel bad for the person in the picture because I know how much they’re hurting (to an extent of course), but I also cant help but to miss it for myself. I took pictures of the pictures to show Pink if he asked what pictures I was talking about. When I was explaining what time period was that the pictures were taken, you could just see the “oh fuck” expression come across his face lol. Not that I was happy to see him at that emotion, but you have to find the humour in the mess or else I’d be more depressed than I already am. 

     Speaking of Pink though, I was definitely going to show him this because I figured that it would be helpful for him to get a glimpse of me being vulnerable for once, but now I’m not so sure to be honest. I feel like this will get me put back in iop or php because fuck did we get dark. 

     Back to the picture thing though, I think the thing that fucked me up the most was that in the beginning, I remember promising myself that I’d stop when I could see my collar bones, then my hip bones, then it got out of hand, and before I knew it, I caught a glimpse of being able to see every vertebrae in my spine and every rib from my ribcage if I bent down. I remember going to my best friend at the time, Chrisley, and completely panicking. Why didn’t he tell me that I was that small, why didn’t anyone tell me? Why did people just ask if I had lost weight? Of fucking course I had. Why couldn’t I see the weight loss? Why did I still look like I did when I started losing weight? Nothing made sense at that moment. And somehow, the torture I had done to my body still wasn’t enough. You’d think that a person would remember all of those feelings and those feelings would keep them from making the same mistake. I have completely convinced myself that I will be okay with hitting 100. Oh, and thats because I got close to 110 and quickly realized that wasn’t enough. The fucked up part is that I’ll have a “normal day of eating” (meaning I’ll eat one meal... maybe two) and convince myself that I don’t have an eating disorder, or my disorder isn’t that bad. Same thing if I gain weight. God, it feels like it creates a physical sense of ambivalence deep within me. I fear I’m wasting Pink’s time, but I also haven’t fully made the decision to go back into my disorder completely. For some reason that physically hurts to even type, let alone verbalize. I’ve said it only once to Tree, and then later that night I found myself throwing up at a bar because I drank too much to numb out the thought that I may be falling back into my eating disorder completely. 

     I think I have a problem of letting people go/accepting when people leave my life--even in a professional setting. I get attached. There was one session where Pink made the comment where he said something among the lines of, “do you think that working with me is still helpful?” I remember feeling my walls quickly build up around me and getting really upset because he said that he wouldn’t give up on me (like several others in my past have... both therapists and friends), and in that moment, I heard that he was done trying to help me. We talked about it last week I think and that isn’t what he meant at all, and thats fine, but then I wondered if I was wasting his time or not, and it sent me into a tailspin. There was something I wrote down when I was still in iop, and it was in my gigantic “fuck you” letter to my eating disorder. The line was, “I’d do anything to get rid of you, but simultaneously do everything to keep you.” Ambivalence is a bitch. My eating disorder is one of the most comforting things because it has never left me, but it has fucked me over so many times and has ruined so much. Not just for me, but for my friends as well. I mean hell. One of them I’m terrified to wake up hearing that she’s killed herself, the other I’m concerned about her kidneys failing, and there are several who have just disappeared and won’t answer any texts or calls. I miss hearing from them. I hate watching us slowly waste away. I completely understand where they’re at though, and I don’t always want recovery for myself, but I do want it for them--but I know thats how they feel about me. Its just a fuckshow, and now my head hurts and I need a cigarette. 

Anyways, I’m going to go play around on my guitar for once. I haven’t touched her in about a week. I did finally get a name for her though. Jackie. Its actually the name of my grandma who passed away almost two years ago. She was a crazy motherfucker that my parents keep telling me I remind them of. I don’t know if thats a good or bad thing, but underneath the crazy was a heart of gold, so I’ll take it as a compliment. Sorry its been so long. I’ve been avoiding almost everything for the past month and a half. My thoughts included.

--Rian Dianna